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ninyard · 19 hours ago

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chapter 18

I CANT BELIEVE RHEMANN IS FRUITY. IM SO HAPPY

FUCK YEAHHHHH

FUCK WHAT I DESERVE! WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT??????

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!!!! WE FUCKING GOT HIM!!!!!!!!!

SOBBING! and he landed on FATHERS!!!!!!!!

yall im fucking sobbing

SOBBING PT TWO

#tgr #tgr spoilers #the golden raven #the golden raven spoilers #nin reads tgr

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ninyard · 20 hours ago

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someone please put me out of my misery and talk to me about chapter fifteen. holy FUCK

CRACKERS MENTION

NO FUCKING WAY

i’m being fucking destroyed here

JESUS

OUCH

OOF

JEREMY PLS

#tgr #the golden raven #tgr spoilers #the golden raven spoilers #nin reads tgr

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ninyard · 23 hours ago

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nine pt two

FUCK OFFF

AHHHHH

i actually have so many fucking screenshots from this chapter i can’t concisely explain or post about how insane i’m going right now holy FUCK

#tgr #tgr spoilers #the golden raven #the golden raven spoilers #nin reads tgr

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ninyard · 12 hours ago

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just because i feel a little cuckoo crazy about Jeremy rn i want to go back to chapter 15 again because i have so much nonsensical rambling left to say

Just him. Fierce, strong, positive and powerful Jeremy. Perfect Jeremy. he who can do no fucking wrong. Perfect athlete. Star player. and a disappointing cigarette between his lips. Did he start to smoke as a rebellious teenager? and him being conscious enough so the smoke doesn’t blow back at Jean.

Redemption, perhaps. There was more to it and Jean KNEW it. He’s trying so hard to be a good person, to make up for his mistakes. His fall from grace before he’d even gotten there. This stain on his reputation that he tries so hard to be different from.

Jean didn’t elaborate and Jeremy had never liked him more. This grief is so fucking rough. It’s not like Andrew killing his mom to protect Aaron. It’s not like finding out Grayson was killed to keep Jean safe. No motive, no reason, only Jeremy’s brother being let down by him when all he needed in that moment was someone there for him. And that’s all Jeremy sees - a moment where he failed his brother. This was not supposed to happen, and this was his fault, and this is something he can never, ever change.

Not you! Not like that! Cat is so healing for Jean. Touch and love. The way she so casually kisses his palm and all he’s knows in violence but he can still say no, not you, this isn’t the life that was ever supposed to touch you. It’s all he’s known and STILL he knows it’s not what he deserved. Because he KNOWS that it never worked, it was never meant to work, it was just cruel and unjust and he could never do that to someone he loves. Someone who shows him love like she does.

Who’d question it once USC got involved? They signed you, Jeremy, the moment your brother fucking died because you were too busy getting off to save him, reduced down to you being a whore and that’s it. And look how hard he tries to be known for something different. But a whore and a slut is all he’ll be known for. It’s sex, and Fraser likes to be mean and rough, but fuck, how did he feel seeing WHORE written all over Jean’s notebooks? When Annalise said he was ending the way he started, when he read the rumours and knew to see past them because at some point in his life that’s all he was known for, too. Is he against the idea of Jean as much as Jean is, because he knows his reputation comes with their relationship as much as Jean’s does?

This hurt, this hurt a lot. Imagine having seen your friend at this low point in his life, drunk and high out of his mind, making bad decisions and becoming a bad person. And now he’s reliving trauma he hasn’t been through in four years and he leaves for a few hours and comes back smelling like alcohol and bruised up from bad decisions with a bad person. She had every right to be concerned. Not a day like today. Not after everything.

I SET THE PRECEDENT. It’s not “these rumours are incessant because people have always believed them” it’s “these rumours aren’t going away because of course they must be true. Their captain is a slut, and look at where his fucked up decisions got him. Of course they’d sign another one”. He takes so much blame and fault and so much onto his own back because he feels like he deserves it. He needs redemption, right? He needs to do something good to make up for the bad. And he can’t fight back. There’s nothing he can do except just take it.

“They are not your partners”. Because Jean was fucking betrayed and destroyed and hurt by his partner. it’s not partner meaning hook up or date, it’s partner as in protector, as in the one to keep you safe, as in the one by your side. Your failures are my failures. And Jean being so worried after seeing Jeremy in such a state earlier thinking he’s seen this before, he knows what he’s looking at. Jean, who asked “is cody safe?”. But Jeremy still lying so easily because he can’t tell Jean that the violence in sex is… acceptable to him? Normal? Is it? or is he also just used to heavy hands and finishing with bruises?

This feels like a crumbling of Jeremy’s facade, i think. Like everything he’s been portraying himself as, the person he’s been trying so hard to be, is going to be ruined for Jean in a moment because he asks him about that part of his life. About the coke. It’s easier for him to say he partied than it is to say he destroyed himself mentally and physically for the sake of what, escape? A break? And now Jean, who’s supposed to see him as this unbreakable character in his life, his unmoving and indestructible partner, is going to see through his skin and bones for what he’s always seen himself as; an addict, a slut, a disappointment. A terrible brother. A bad influence. It’s the moment his facade fucking cracks in two and it’s so necessary, it’s so fucking late for his truth to come out, and he’s laying himself bare in front of Jean who needs to see this, hear this, more than anyone else.

#just let me ramble #i need to get it out #tgr spoilers #the golden raven spoilers #nin reads tgr #and there’s more don’t worry

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ninyard · 20 hours ago

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i can’t wait for everyone who came up with jeremy theories to finish reading so we can scream together

#like holy fucking shit yall #tgr #tgr spoilers #the golden raven #the golden raven spoilers #nin reads tgr

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ninyard · 11 hours ago

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more chapter 15 thoughts because the more i think about it the more emotional im making myself

Going back a second. As if Jeremy didn’t remember the moment with agonising clarity. He felt COLD all over as his heart left CRACKS along his RIBCAGE.

anyways

His fucking brother man. Turning him onto these drugs. also the “They did and didn’t.” is devastating to me. The fact Bryson knows how hard it is being Jeremy, living at home, being who he is, and uses that vulnerability to fuck with his brothers life. For what reason? For money? More money?

Did he show him how to snort it properly? Did Jeremy feel for a moment like that was bonding, like something he could share with his brother, a moment where they could bond over bad decisions and being high at the dinner table? He was in fucking high school. And his older brother turned his baby brother onto coke.

And Jeremy was desperate enough to believe him. That line breaks my heart. He doesn’t want to live like this. The outcast in the family, the disappointment of a child, hated and hated and hated, and he had no “Laila’s house” to go to as a teenager. Maybe he had Leo, or someone else, but for all we know he spent a LOT more time at home miserable. And cocaine makes people paranoid, and angry, and the “positive” high of it doesn’t last very long either.

(and is it why he drinks so much coffee? why he falls asleep on long drives? because he doesn’t have the coke to keep him awake?)

And STILL he downplays his “privileged” trauma, and compares it to Jean’s. Proving he’s a soft spined failure? That’s heartbreaking, man.

The mood swings and unpredictability. They didn’t trust him. People didn’t want to be his friend, they kept their distance. He had a temper, right? He was an angry, sad, lonely person. And the thing that was supposed to make him feel better was only making him worse. Was he sniffing before games? Sneaking baggies into the bathrooms at away games, was he panicking when USC called for random drug tests? How far did he go to hide it, or did everyone know? Was he known for tiny pupils and being high on the court? Was he ever as unpredictable as Andrew?

i can’t stop focusing on him saying “I was recklessly indiscreet in high school”. Was he happy, unbothered, proud? Or was he purposefully reckless, and unsafe, rebellion in the way of sexual self harm, with a reputation for being a slut? Did it start there?

“It was a big hit” too. He shared. Not only did he leave his brother alone to get high and get off, he supplied a room of his peers with cocaine that’d show up in their blood tests for a while afterwards, in an unsafe environment made unsafer because of him, and the cops that came looking for him.

That first line breaks my heart. It hurts him so much to bare his heart.

I don’t know what to say. It’s just fucking insanity. His heart was probably racing, all these people in danger now because of him. Dexter’s life ruined because of him, oh and even though it wasn’t his fault, it was none of their fault, how could you tell Jeremy otherwise? He hates himself for his past. He tries so, so hard to distance himself from it.

And he was still lucky. Nobody knows Jeremy was high out of his mind when he made the decisions that led to him being known for what he’s known for. His stepdad worked his magic and made it all disappear.

A boot on his spine to keep him down.Rough carpet, too tight handcuffs. His identity so much of a scandal that the cops fucking forgot to tell him his baby brother was dead.

Again how he blames himself. It’s 2003. The world is not an accepting place. and look at what he did, and how he got away with it because of who he refuses to be known as being related to. Jean tells him it’s not his fault and he says no, it is, it has to be. Because he made the decision to be there.

and then. and Then. Noah. Did you know he would?

he knew, and he left him, and how could it possibly be anyone else’s fault?

I just see so much pain in him in this moment. Jean is asking all the right-wrong questions, the ones that hurt but get to the truth without speculation or pity or shame. Did you know? Maybe the answer isn’t as simple as a yes or no, but it’s a yes, and he left him, and who the fuck else could possibly be to blame, then? He made the decision to bring his brother with him, and he made the decision to leave him alone.

And its not that simple, it’s never that simple, there’s no way he could’ve known that leaving him alone would have ended up the way that it did. But when his mom says it, and his sibling say it, who else or what else is he supposed to believe?

#this is real incoherent babble #but i feel insane about it i really fucking do #tgr spoilers #the golden raven spoilers #nin reads tgr

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ninyard · 18 hours ago

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