#nihlus is alive

[wetsocksinbed]

alternatively: if the council weren’t fucking nards

[for-the-sake-of-color]

Teaser #1 for Chapter 2 of The Den

After a fantastic couple nights visiting The Den as relief and a reward for spending his daylight hours defending his pride at the Medical Conference, Kix decides to leave his massively hungover cousin Coric at the hotel and head back to the night club by himself. There was a certain shorter man that had refused to leave his thoughts. He's just lucky the Vampire was as eager for his return as Kix was to see him.

Excerpt under the cut >:3c

The side of Nihlus’ mouth lifted into a sneer, though he sounded amused as he said “and you were almost the perfect man, too. The world as your oyster and you still willingly chose to drink a beer?”

He shrugged in reply, “could have chosen a seltzer,” and at that Nihlus pulled a frown so deep that Kix barked out a laugh, “It’s not that bad! It’s really not,” he tried to assure him with a chuckle as he took a sip.

It really wasn’t that bad, a little more footy than he generally preferred from his Sours, but it was perfectly passable as a drink. He bet it’d even be rather pleasant if he got to a third one tonight

And then Nihlus mutters, “Ugh, well I’m not letting you stick your tongue in my mouth now,”

And Kix's brain ground to a halt and may as well have lit on fire in that moment from the implications.

“You were going to kiss me? That’s not against this place’s rules?” He asked  eagerly. So Nihlus had been thinking about him too! And for more than just his blood?

“It’d have been nice to think about, at least,” The Vampire muttered, sipping his drink 

Kix nudged him again and gave his best puppy eyes, “You could keep thinking about it?”

Nihlus stared at him for a long beat, before, “Alright, but you’re going to have to be a lot more charming if you want me to change my mind with your beer breath,”

“I can certainly try,” Kix chucked, taking another sip, “so what are you drinking tonight?”

“Besides you, later? Sparkling Rosé,” Nihlus gives Kix a bit of a smirk at that one, and then leans back and takes a sip of his drink. 

Kix’s eyes were transfixed as the liquid tipped back from the flute into his full lips. They looked... soft. Maybe if he was lucky he’d be able to have them pressed against his skin without getting bit long enough to remember the experience. 

Maybe a more realistic hope was that he’d get to have them pressed up against his own lips, but Kix liked to dream big

“You’re a wine guy, then?” 

Nihlus chuckled, “as unfortunately cliche as it is for a Vampire, yes, I am very much into the entire wine making process, not that I have the amount of patience necessary to see a vineyard through

“At least 50 years alive didn’t teach you any patience?” Kix asked 

The vampire scoffed, nudging Kix back, “Fifty... You flatter me, you pretty young thing.” he said with a grin into his drink.

Kix did not respond with the ‘I’m trying to’  that he was thinking, and instead followed with, “Is this one special, then?”

“We don’t serve special drinks here, Howler can't bartend to save his life,” The Vampire actually said rather loudly, said bartender flipping him off, yet bringing the bottle to refill his glass, Nihlus actually gave him a, “Thank you,” before he turned back to Kix,

“This is just some california blend sparkling blush, cheap as hell but sweet enough that I don’t mind drinking it,” and then Nihlus... held it out to Kix, biting his lower lip as he watched the Medical resident take a sip,

“It’s... okay,” Kix stated consideringly, he wished he had been able to taste more of Nihlus on the rim before he handed it back, “is the proof worth it?”

Nihlus’ grin was large, “not particularly, its only 3%, but it’s better than your beer,”

Kix laughed as he took another swig of his own drink, “How would you know, you haven’t even tried it?” and at 20 proof, it was well worth sipping on

“Fine,” Nihlus said, reaching his hand out, “if you’re so insistent,” 

And who was Kix to say no after the Vampire had so generously shared his own? Kix handed it over without complaint and got to study once more the way those sinful lips curled around the mouth of his glass as he... drank half of Kix’s fucking beer in one go

“Hey!” Kix tried to grab at it, but the Vampire was much faster, laughing loudly as Kix failed to take his drink back, “That's mine!” 

“And what do I get out of giving it back?” Nihlus asked him oh so childishly

Kix though? Raised an eyebrow and lowered his voice, “Well you know, now that you just made sure beer breath isn't an issue, I could kiss you for it back?” 

The Vampire was back to biting his lower lip as he leaned forwards, replying equally as quietly, “and who says that’s a reward for me?” 

Kix was smug as he leaned in himself, nearly touching but not quite bridging the gap between them, “Is it not?”

They were so close now, he could feel Nihlus breath against his skin as he muttered, “gods help me but it is,” and pressed himself against Kix, one arm sliding under Kix’s own and the other coming to rest on his shoulder after he set the beer down on the bar. Kix took it as permission to lay his hands around that perfect waist as the Vampire locked their lips together.

[scarygreenlightning-art]

Nihlus and Saren are alive and married and have a cat btw

[lovelywingsart]

EDIT: FUCK I FORGOT THE N7 ON THEIR HOODIE IM AN IDIOT ALDJALDJAKDH Just pretend its there plz i just got off my laptop and can't fix it

Was thinking about what I said in my discord server about Saren and the positive association with cheese that I had realized, and decided I wanted to sketch it out-

So have the first time Saren was given cheese, which was the first time he had eaten something other than General nutrition bars, the first time Cam had willingly sat next to him and the first time anyone had offered any genuine kindness since being on the Normandy.

Since then, Cam would go in with a small block of cheese, and it would be how they got him somewhat acclimated despite people staring into the medbay window every now and then to see what was going on. It thus became almost like a 'comfort food', and once he was able to roam the ship freely, he would often linger around the kitchen and wait patiently for the Cheese Tax™️ whenever the fridge was opened.

Here's the gist of the whole realization because it was both sweet and slightly sad:

So... yeah! My Saren is a cheese fiend, and that's why. It started out as a joke and then suddenly it wasn't a joke anymore and had more of an actual reason behind it.

I had been thinking about the whole cheese thing with Saren becaus cheese and turians has been a bit of a not-so-inside joke between me and two friends and it always ends up at him specifically loving it, and it kinda occurred to me that one of the reasons he's a fiend for it when given the chance is that it's probably the very first 'real' food he had eaten on the Normandy that wasn't basic nutrition bars, and while Cam would normally sit in the room and also eat the bars with him to make sure he ate, the cheese was probably the first thing they actively sat next to him and shared with him- which resulted in his revived brain associating cheese with the first actual kindness anyone had shown him in… probably years, other than when Nihlus was alive.

So he goes after cheese like it's the first thing he's eaten in months each time because of the genuine positive reinforcement and association it has, and Cam learned pretty quickly that until he's 'properly socialized' again, they need to give him cheese so his anxiety doesn't skyrocket into unintentional violence. (AKA so his biotics don't react to unchecked emotion and cause a burst that's likely to take out anyone sitting within 20 feet of him)

[sol-consort]

Who is a non romancable npc that you would've liked to romance in each game?

I want to fuck Admiral Hackett.

Man, it feels good getting it out there, you feel me? These things are good for you.

Anyway, so.

ME1

Wrex

didn't know much about korgans at the time and just thought they were the hottest thing alive. Especially that stare down Wrex and Shepard have when they first meet each other in the C-sec station and he's throwing his weight everywhere and not giving a single fuck about the cops trying to arrest him.

Are Korgans just not attracted to humans? He never makes a move on you. Ever. They're clearly into asari and we're not that far off.

In the first game, he was the only one to not respect Shepard from the start. It's kinda hot, yk? He was this mysterious edgy person with a jaded view on his race, and we were this hopeful human who wanted to encourage him to reunite the koragns. I wanted to have a slobby makeout session with him filled with teeth after his personal mission.

.

Nihlus

Listen to me. It was love at first sight. I still remember it so clearly when you talk to him in the prologue where he questions you about Eden Prime. The fact he was the one to recommend Shepard to the council as a spectre too is just the topping on the cake.

I think he was into us, as a human. Like everyone on the ship clearly was weary of him because of how fresh the first contact war was, and Shepard is the only friendly person to him besides Anderson.

My Ideal romance would've been us saving him from Saren then being a mentor and student kinda of ordeal? Like at a certian point we surpass him in power while sparring and he looks so proud of us and we lean in for the kiss and he doesn't pull away.

A Turian and a human romance would've been so scandalous on the first game bc of again, contact war. It would've been the perfect drama.

.

Doctor Chakwas.

You can't tell me that you didn't think about it! She is the only person taking care of everyone on this damn ship. We're in the middle of fuck off space clumsily stumbling our way into shootouts and coming out with bullets in godforsaken places!

She's the one that patches you up while scolding you for being so reckless. She can abandon protocols and formality as much as she likes because she's your doctor and has a right to! She can order a whole admiral around.

It doesn't help how she opens up to us about her fantasies in her youth of being this cute doctor and patching up wounded soldiers with stars in their eyes and living the romance dream. The game is begging you to make her dream a reality and give this older woman the true romantic experience she has been dreaming of!

.

Captain Anderson

Listen to me. Listen. No no come back. Come here!

I am an adult, you are an adult. We are adults. He is a very hot adult that I want to do unspeakable things to.

I'm just saying!!! I didn't know anything about him becoming Shepard's parental figure in ME2 and ME3.

So when I first met him in ME1 I was like oh. Are we about to...have a superior forbidden army romance situation? Am I your sugar baby? Golden trophy soldier? Why do you like me so much and treat me with so much favouritism? Are we doing it on the down low behind closed doors?

But no. They take him away from me like immediately afterwards and burst my bubble of fantasy. I forget about him for the rest of the game then I meet him at the end but it doesn't hit the same vibe it did at the start.

He just admires and respects Shepard. Nothing else :(

My romance and fantasy with him was very short lived and now he is more of a stand in parental figure.

.

ME2

The Illusive man

He is obsessed. Literally every interaction with him made me feel so giddy inside afterwards. It's like he gets off on just being near you and doesn't ask for nothing else. He is like a sugar daddy without the needed sugar.

And the "Cerberus allowance" credits money that you get after each missions just increasing in numbers didn't help. You report to him after every mission and he gives you more and more money. It almost makes you feel dirty in a good way.

Like based on his shadowbroker intel, he has the best escorts and strippers in the galaxy that he frequents. Yet it is you that he spends the most money on and you don't even have to put out or show a shoulder. It's not like a mercenary job either because one of his requirements is seeing you and talking to you, stalking you even.

Your meer existence gives him a rush and he keeps paying you for it, just to be allowed to witness you being you. I wish there was an evil romance option route where you go full human supremacy and agree with his evil plans to control the reapers and the last scene is like Shepard sitting on his lap in that room with the orange blue star.

I want that romance to be creepy and clearly self-serving. That both of them are using each other to get their own needs. There is no love involved, just obsession and hunger for power.

.

Legion

They wear a piece of your armour, they have a hole where their heart should be. They clearly look up to you so hopelessly with admiration.

And you're the first organic to treat them with kindness, show them warmth, help give them a name. You're everything they imagine love to be and more and they literally cannot process it. They can't comprehend the feelings they're feeling, they only know it's all consuming and they're short-circuiting around you.

It would've been a very fluffy and sweet romance where you really push the limit of the geth having a soul. To have a soul is to love, even if it's not romantic love.

But as a romance between you too, I feel like Legion having a scene where they pluck a small flower from the ground to present to you is everything. But then the flower gets crumbled in their iron grip and they look all dejected and sad.

You gently taking it and still thanking them for it, maybe putting the flower in the hole in their chest after giving it a small kiss. I have so many ideas, Legion deserves so much softness.

.

Aria

I don't think she'd allow a full romance, but we definitely would've had a complicated relationship. Both dominiating and ruling their own corners of the galaxy, yours just happened to be a moving ship.

It's like a ruthless queen and a faithful soldier. She could've made Shepard worse, you could've made her better. It's a very complicated love and hate relationship, a constant power play.

You send her Valentine's gifts that she claims to have thrown away, but you see her snacking on the box of chocolates that you got her the next time you visit. Threatening to cut someone's hand off because they asked for a piece.

She always tells you to go find someone cute to spend the night with but all of her strippers know better than to flirt with you. Aria warned all of them that you're off limit and no one even dares looks into your eyes.

Hell the fact she got a whole bartender to give you drinks for free after the last one tried to poison you? God that's hot.

But emphasis on complicated. Neither of you are willing to step down from your thrones and serve the other. She wants you on a leash like a dog at her side, you want to weild her like a dagger against your enemies throats.

Both of you were made for freedom and only deal with people who obey all of your orders. The two of you can never have a peaceful relationship because you're constantly at each other's throats but the attraction and tension is so thick in the air to deny.

.

ME3

Admiral Hackett

I don't have any excuse. I only started getting attracted to him during this game when we kept having constant communication with him.

He just...is very calm? Includes Shepard a lot and is very patient and wise. Steering you into the right direction and reminding you of the greater purpose you all serve.

But also he is down to earth in his own way, it feels intimate for him to call you just Shepard. Look at you with such eyes that have seen everything, it's like he is the single person that understands what you're going through in this, the single person to share your burden in all of this.

Because Anderson can't relate to Shepard in the way Shepard is supposed to be invincible steel, the way Shepard is supposed to be the unbreakable hero. But Hackett feels like he can relate to you in that way, like he too was in your shoes once and knows how lonely it must be.

How each relationship you have will always have a hallow emptiness inside because you can never be equal to someone. Each person you date will always see the commander Shepard before seeing you, the world will fall for your mask and not the one wearing it.

Except Admiral Hackett. It's like he can see behind the mask. He can see behind the titles and spectre status and the medals. He sees you as the little thing you are, so tired and exhausted from carrying the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders, you poor thing.

He's very caring in a way, no matter what wrongs you've done. He's very understanding too.

In ME2, he asks you for a favour and contacts you to help him. YOU! he asks YOU while you were a traitor working for Cerberus. god, the amount of trust he has in you.

Not to mention that he was actively stalling the alliance when it came to charging you for crimes for allying with Cerberus even before the whole favour DLC thing. In the Shadowbroker messages you can find him telling his subordinates "Negative" when they asked to finally bring you in.

It's also how commanding he is with just a single word? He does it twice. Once in the battle of Saren in ME1 when the alliance ships are beginning to retreat and he calmly refuses and tells them to move ahead.

And in ME2 where his subordinates write a long ass email on why you should be charged with treason but his literal only response is "negative."

His words carry such weight to them, fuck. It's so attractive the power and authority he casually throws around. Actually casually doing it unlike the illusive man who makes a point to show off to you. Hackett has nothing to prove and no one to impress.

The only person to view the commander Shepard as a fragile thing. The only person to understand what you're going through. The only person to realise what's truly at stakes here. How can I not want to be with him?

But with you he talks longer, he explains himself and line of thinking more. He doesn't treat you with the same strict attitude he gives to other soldiers. It's clear favouritism where he is gentler with you, softer like you're a fragile thing that might crack if someone even raised their voice at you.

Not to mention the whole "why pick me?" Dialogue option you get to ask him. On why he puts so much faith in you. Why he is always on your side.

And you get a straight answer for once. It's because you have this magical pull on people that gets them to work together, you were made to be a leader. It's easy to pay a merc to shoot a gun for you, but you cannot pay them for their loyality to follow you into hell twice. Yet you have that effect on people and he clearly sees your true skills that the others are blind to.

.

I have more, like James Vega, Samara, Mordin, Joker, EDI, Conrad verner, Saren, Sovereign, Kai Leng and Eve.

But I've written a lot, maybe for another time! Thanks for asking this, btw <3

[venvellan]

it's consistently funny to me how well loved nihlus is, despite being alive for a swift 30 seconds

i get it. they were an excellent 30 seconds

[outpost51]

Ayyyy playlist tag game!!!! Gimme a couple songs from #16 and #57 plz <3

~@tabswrites

ask me about my playlists

the stars we wander, the hands we're dealt is uhhhh the second? i think the second castis/avitus mix i've made for @thetrashbagswasteland, who is entirely to blame for this ship even existing. different than the first, this is aimed less at the hatefucking and more at the sad old men they've become, settled into something like domesticity, or as close to it as avitus can manage. neither particularly wants to admit (to themselves or anyone else) what they are, fearful that saying it out loud might make it real, might mean something more than "roommates out of necessity, benefits out of convenience." it means avitus having to confront that people might actually care if he dies, and that maybe... just maybe, he doesn't want to die in a blaze of glory. that maybe he might want to ride this thing out, see where it goes. that retiring from living hard and fast, that learning to be a person again and not just a tool or a weapon, that holding still might not be so bad after all. oops i. made myself emotional--

anyway here's some of my faves on this playlist (it's actually one of my favorites i've ever made):

the cattle by zach palmer [youtube]

longshot by catfish and the bottlemen [youtube]

bugfood by alissic [youtube]

the boy who cried wolf is actually the playlist for act i of stellar parallax! the songs are supposed to follow along with the chapters!

here's my faves and the passages they go with:

brutus by the buttress [youtube]

Jane knocked the wind from his lungs before he could draw another breath. Her eyes weren’t cold anymore. She fought like a hellcat. Like her life was on the line. How hard had it really been planetside? I have been starving and squatting in an abandoned building for the past three years.

Her fist connected with his jaw and the world went fuzzy. The ground defied gravity, rising to meet him with gusto. His shoulder screamed where it connected with the thin mat. John’s grin was lopsided as he wiped the blood from his mouth. He pitied the pirate that ever ended up in her sights. “Shit, Jane,” he chuffed. “You’re good.”

Jane didn’t return his smile. “No, John.” She spat his name over her shoulder like a curse. “I’m just better.”

where is my mind by safari riot (cover of the pixies) [youtube]

Jane was floating. 

Stiff-backed. Limbs dangling uselessly beside and below her like some invisible force had yanked her right off the ground by a string tied to her ribcage. Jaw wrenched open in a silent scream. And her eyes—

Rolled all the way back, as if whatever that beacon was wanted her to see what it was doing to her brain, forced her to see it. 

John lunged for her, but thick, armored arms wrapped around his trunk, the same ones that pushed him away from Jenkins. That let Arterius doom the poor kid’s family to a closed-casket funeral. We can’t risk it, Nihlus had said. Do you want him to become one of those things? Do you think you could put him down?  

But this time the Brawler was pointed at Jane, and Jane was still alive, she just needed help, she needed someone to knock her loose with a stick like the manuals all said to do with a person being electrocuted. John struggled harder against Nihlus, kicked, punched, spat, cursed — then went still as Jane’s head turned all the way around to face them. 

And shrieked. Not the scream he expected either, no, what came out of his sister was hundreds, thousands of voices screaming, sobbing, begging, praying all at once. Its volume grew and morphed into a bellow that seized hold of his mind and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed —

Jane dropped to the ground like a ragdoll, and he jolted awake in the Normandy’s medbay. 

into dust by mazzy star [youtube]

Saren had offered to help. There were two shovels, after all, and they were both biotic.

Jane grabbed one, then shut the shed. “I need to do this,” she muttered, and started digging.

Dark clouds rolled across the sky.

Once she’d broken through the grass, it wasn’t so bad; the ground was soft and the work was repetitive and Eden Prime was quiet, so quiet now that most of its population was gone.

“It’s going to rain,” Saren said, shortly before the first drop landed on Jane’s nose.

“The porch is covered,” she told him, and kept digging.

All at once, the sky opened up. Somewhere in the downpour, she could hear Saren swearing, dragging the cloth-wrapped body onto the covered porch. Jane took a deep breath.

Focused on digging.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

She’d barely made progress before the first aches settled into her shoulders and back. It was 2183. She didn’t have to do this. Holes could be dug with machines, with lasers, with bots.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

Machines, lasers, and bots had certainly made the body that would fill this one.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

But so had her own negligence. All the bodies littering Eden Prime weighed down her shoulders, adding to the pain spreading down her arms and legs.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

She didn’t have to do this, but she needed to.

The corporal didn't have any family left that would bury him. There wouldn't be a wake, a funeral, an awkward standing-around of relatives who could barely stand each other, picking at the potluck fare for however long seemed appropriate so their departure wouldn't look like an escape. He had no cousins, no uncles, no brothers, no father to carry his expensive wooden box to the hole a machine had dug. He had no friends left. Sandra couldn’t dig him a hole — didn’t need to, not after what she’d seen. John and Kaidan were several systems away.

Maybe you’ve got Anderson and your parents and the Smiths and the Harrises, some smaller, more vicious thing spat in her memory, but all I’m stuck with is you.

Jenkins just had Jane, pulling his dead weight over her back to transport him from the porch to his final resting place. The storm raged on, softened the ground even more. It sucked her into the muck with every step and caked onto her armor up to her knees. She lost her boots somewhere along the way.

Maybe she should have left Powell alive.

Saren had offered to help.

Maybe she should have accepted it.

I’m sorry , she’d mouthed seconds before machines dug a hole straight through the corporal. He might have accepted it, had he still been around to. She wouldn't forgive herself, though, even after all this.

It didn’t feel right to just dump him in, and the ground seemed to agree, crumbling beneath her feet and dumping her into the hole instead. There was a metaphor in there somewhere: lying in a grave she’d dug with her own hands, beneath the soldier who’d be alive if not for her.

She belonged there.

“We have work to do, Jane,” Saren reminded her.

He was right. Jane struggled out from under the corporal’s corpse, arranged him like a funeral home might, and made her ungraceful exit from the grave. She was more mud than Marine at that point, but there was work to do. She picked up her shovel.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Plap. Exhale.

She could mourn this man she’d barely known later, after she’d hunted down the bastard who sent his machines to Eden Prime.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Plap. Exhale.

Burying Jenkins was harder than digging the hole; it took seven attempts to convince herself that it was okay to throw dirt on his face — she was returning him to his mother, that was the reason that finally stuck. She was returning him to his mother, and he would help her garden grow.

When she was done, Saren sprayed her down with the half-rotted hosepipe he’d found coiled against the side of the prefab. It didn’t matter if she was wet, he told her, it was raining anyway. Water would dry. The blood on her hands wouldn’t, but the water would.

That was okay, too, he told her, albeit in much prettier words. He and his ship were both stained far deeper than anyone ever should be.

[drelldreams]

nihlus is alive i found him on illium

[stormikins]

this WIP game

@spacebunshep ive already talked about Hot Sugar here and here so I am going to talk about sour apple baby which is the WIP that's had my main focus for about a week or so

its a trilogy spanning series (with at least an interim between 1&2 following the crew post shep death and some post war stuff). Its kind of a novelization/'fix-it' of the games with Nihlus surviving, getting with Shepard and then in two it transitions from Nihlus/Jenn to Nihlus/Jenn/Kal

its not really canon compliant, a lot of key plot points get changed. One thing ive worked on recently is redesigning the collector base mission from the ground up. I want there to be more reaper operations going on in the base than what we see. Also, I'm throwing in a lot of horror lol (in general throughout the series too)

anyways heres a little snippet from the beginning of the series:

Mirrored on either side of the gangway to the cockpit, the orange lights of the terminals reflect off the metal floors. Shiny and new. Shepard spots that her Lieutenant has joined Joker before she’s turning to the airlock. Anderson is already there, stiff back and hands clasped behind his back in perfection. She takes the same stance on his right. The decon cycle whirls to life behind the door. “Am I going to have to guess why he’s here, sir?” “You know why he’s here.” From anyone else, or to anyone else, it would be a rebuttal. But with her and Anderson it’s basically confirmation of her suspicions. Damn, and here half of her was hoping she was just being paranoid. Though, paranoia is what has kept her alive this long.

[matchbet-allofthetime]

Mass Effect Endings Ramble (very long)

Nowhere near there yet (still playing through ME2 atm after soaking like 60 hours into Andromeda)

HOWEVER I'm pondering which ending to pick

On one hand, becoming Reaper Shep is funny as hell to me and also soul shattering.

I think though I'm really caught between Destroy and Synthesis. In Destroy, as far as I'm aware, it's the only ending where Shepard canonically survives, but this also kills EDI and every other AI. And I think that's really unfair- to us, the players (but that matters less to me, a good story is a good story) but also to Joker and other characters. This game series puts a lot of emphasis on "what makes life alive?" And it really presses to us, the player, that it isn't necessarily living cells we define as alive that defines life- just a capacity to understand, learn, and grow.

Similar to EDI, for example, in Andromeda we have SAM, who is arguably developing his own sentience over the course of the journey in Andromeda, thus he is alive, just like Legion and EDI.

I understand Legion has to die- they relinquish control over their life to save everyone they love and hold dear. Their shepard- commander, Tali and her people, and the geth too. They grant their own people the sentience they developed entirely and allowed their people to truly help bridge the chasm between Quarians and Geth and Geth and the rest of the galaxy.

But Joker loves EDI and EDI loves Joker. Even if Joker knew it had to happen, he knows Shepard (or at least, a paragon Shepard) would do anything to keep everyone they could alive. And he'd still hurt over losing her. Watching the development of those two together is just too important to me.

But then, we all want Shepard to live. And I accept that the Citadel DLC basically cushions all endings that isn't Control (since Shep becomes reaper Shep of course). I am fine with it being the cushion for it because I refuse to believe they don't all live because screw realism, yk?

I can get into how I understand the mechanics of story telling and how I want every character I love to live, from Legion to Mordin to Kirrahe to Nihlus to even Saren to survive (Saren because I have a soft spot for turians and I got the paragon option to get through to Saren and I know he wasn't what he became, just like Benezia wasn't. Sovereign was powerful and Saren likely didn't come across Sovereign purposefully and didn't, under it all, want to stay. It's like you become the exact opposite of what you truly are when under Sovereign's power.)

I can get into how I want everyone happy because I do and I want them to all live happily.

All these different species and people only ever met because of Shep. They only ever found love in some endings (like Tali and garrus together) because of Shep. They only became who they were because of Shep. (Ex: plenty of them were just "normal" people. Tali was just on her Pilgrimage, which was completed with Shep's help. Garrus was a man who hated red tape but a paragon Shepard stops him from keeling over a very dark ledge, seen in his ME2 loyalty mission where he insists on killing sidonis when really, it would've hurt garrus more. Would've been worse. Alenko who was just a soldier until he got promoted and became Commander Alenko, because he moved on after Shep died with the SR1. That kind of thing.)

They only became more of themselves- for renegade or for paragon, better or worse- because of Shepard, who they're all (if you do loyalty missions) hopelessly devoted to.

Even without romances, the endings are all painful for many reasons, regardless of the Citadel DLC cushioning that pain. We've had three games to be utterly devoted to not only the character we've created and curated and grown from just a commander who comes from any sort of background, to Commander motherfucking Shepard vas Normandy, friend (or foe) to everyone in the galaxy as long as they're the right type of person for whatever Shep we create.

We get so attached, so seeing them ripped away hurts more.

I think synthesis is the one that I, if I were in Shepard's shoes, would choose realistically. All synthetic and AI life would understand and live on

And that's all my Shep would want. That, and the reapers would assist in sharing knowledge. Everyone together would help rebuild. The Normandy crew survives, and so does the Normandy. (Joker, ME2: I'm not losing another Normandy!) Joker would have EDI, all would be, for intents and purposes, well...

All that would be lost is Shepard. Shepard is vital, fundamental, and key to what keeps them all together in this story. They all found each other through some insane half-dead, half-alive Spectre Commander ship captain impossible odds dead person walking who can- and will- kill or cure or help or hinder anyone who gets in their way or needs help regardless of what happens. Consequences- good, bad, or both- be utterly damned

My Shep would take synthesis, I think, as they're a reflection of myself. An insert, as Shepard was intended to be. They would choose synthesis realistically, just so everyone survived, regardless of them being lost.

But that begs the question- would their death mean anything? To outsiders, to the entire galaxy- yes. It would change so much, no matter which ending taken.

But synthesis in particular would leave everyone alive and mourning the person who found them all, fought with them, fought beside them, and brought them all back together countless times, all the while bringing new people with them. New friends. New family.

Synthesis would leave everyone heartbroken and would they even stay? Together, by one another's sides, fighting even still, helping to rebuild, while Shepard is not their to guide them? Laugh with them, help with them, cry with them?

Would they all just leave again, just like they did after Shepard died with the original Normandy?

There's a chance, even after all that happened through all three games.

Losing one another is tough- Mordin, because he grows on the crew, EDI, who is curious and sassy as she grows and who grows with us the player and the ship sees develop, etc. Losing each other is rough and hurts like hell. But losing the single person who anchors them? Who knows all their worst choices, their best, who was the sole person trusted with their pasts? Jack trusted Shep with her childhood horrors. Miranda trusted Shep with her sister. Garrus trusted Shep more times than I can say. Liara trusted Shep to help her take down the Shadow Broker. Samara with Morinth- and the emotions coming with. Mordin and his assistant, student, friend.

Shepard is trusted with things that nobody else in the galaxy is trusted with. They are trusted to decide how the story goes. Whether the characters wallow in hurt or finally feel freed from the pain of their pasts.

Would they stick together in honour of one another and their Shepard or would they shatter and fall away?

I think an argument for either side could be made.

I think, honestly, I'm going to go for Synthesis because it's what I would do. I only seek to help people, regardless of whether or not they were made or regardless of what their species did to another. All that there is to me, even in games, is the now and the future. What can be done now? Where do we go next?

I'd rather one die for millions- even if saving the council was a choice made as a way for me to maliciously comply to them pissing me off about the reapers numerous times- than millions die for one, yk?

Anyways SUPER long rant post, mind is running at about a million. Hopefully my thoughts are (semi?) understandable. This was a lot and I don't think any ending or any Shepard is a bad way to play, badly written, etc! I think all are fascinating choices and I'm one of many true paragons (aside from the choice with Kai Leng. I'm renegade stabbing that bitch for thane. "That was for Thane, you son of a bitch!" Can't wait for that. The shock value would be god damn comedic with a Shepard with 0 renegade points.)

I really can't wait to play the rest of 2 and start 3 (and I regret not knowing I couldn't save Kirrahe in ME1 earlier!! I didn't know. Fuck!! Love him so much. Getting his "hold the line" tattooed.)

I'm really loving this whole journey and writing all my rambles out is really nice for me. And I've found a lot of others seem to enjoy seeing me ramble, so uh... Yeah! Ask away if you have questions about my opinions or whatever or gimme your thoughts too!

All in all, I'm loving this. And I know my Shepard would survive out of sheer spite alone, no matter the ending.

So here, have my dumbass Shepard who always wears fatigues or red and black armour XD (aka Commander ??? Shep vas Normandy. They/them, afab/fem!Shep body. I've got more info on them, their past, etc but this post is already a mile long lmao. Just ask if you want info ig lol)

[shepcdr]

new msg received @ private terminal —— @anarkissm subject: re: final fantasy vii remake prompts (open!)

you have to look at the bigger picture here. (from nihlus)

" the bigger picture? " shepard doesn't lower his gun. nor does he — for even a moment — break eye contact with the turian whose corpse he's certain alenko and williams also saw sprawled across the floor of the spaceport. he wishes (not for the first time) that he has kaidan or ash here with him now... someone else who can call out how incredibly and inappropriately blithe nihlus' response is given the last time they saw the spectre. someone who has some shred of context for shepard's disbelief, who can assure shepard that he's not hallucinating all of this.

" as far as i'm concerned, the bigger picture is that you died on eden prime. " that's as much as shepard knows, anyway. if nihlus kryik had survived, he hadn't heard about it. and shepard's pretty sure that access to this sort of classified information was supposed to be one of the perks of his promotion to spectre.

so... who — what — is the man standing before him now?

... is what shepard would ask, if they met under any other circumstances. but it occurs to him that the wording might be a little hypocritical given his own suspect resurrection.

" nihlus. " he keeps his weapon steady as he gives the turian a quick once-over. if his eyes don't deceive him, it is nihlus. (nihlus... his would-be mentor, perhaps? if the both of them have made it out of eden prime alive. shepard's wondered often about that, admittedly, but now isn't the time to contemplate.)

shepard decides to leave the looming question for later. if they encounter one another again, should they part ways now. he doesn't have the time to pry some long-winded explanation out of nihlus — there's no short and simple explanation for this, not one that shepard will easily accept, anyway. nor does shepard believe for a moment that nihlus will be so forthcoming about what's happened to him between the events of eden prime and now. no matter how bizarre it is that someone else has also survived what should have been certain death and, despite all odds, looks none the worse for it... shepard's on his own mission, and he intends to complete it.

all that he needs to know is that whether nihlus intends to leave him to it, to aid, or — and no spirit of nihlus' would be able to help him if this was the case — to interfere.

" what are you doing here? "

[for-the-sake-of-color]

Happy Oc Sunday! For Nihlus or any one in crisis company!

👑: What does your oc want to be remembered as? Why?

🔫: Do they trust people easily? How easily will they turn their back to someone? Have they been backstabbed before? Will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

💧: Random angst headcanon

☄️: What do people assume about them? Are they right?

Thanks so much!!! asdjghasgh Sorry this took so long, tumblr desided it didnt like this post so its been hard tryinga get it to post

One Nihlus and Crisis Company, coming right up! (under the cut for lenth purposes) Gonna stop trying to format it and just post it cause this website likes to shit itself anytime you use its own built in features

What Do they want to be Remembered as?

Nihlus: Doesn't want to be remembered, and actually goes out of his way to make sure he is generally never perceived in the first place. To Nihlus, for Nihlus, knowledge about him is a weapon against him. Better to pass through most of life like a ghost. Jet: Wants to be remembered as a smart Captain and a Good Man if he can, someone effective and reliable at what he does. Jet would have deserted the GAR after Geonosis if he didn't believe in the cause of protecting the innocent from the horror of separatist occupation and destruction, because he doesn't believe in the republic itself. He doesn't want to be a hero or maintain a system, he just wants to end the suffering. Margo: She want to do something cool! Mostly just wants to be remembered as that awesome uncle that fixes everything everyone needs Cynic: Would love to be a beloved artist. He wants people to want what he makes. He wants to be remembered for what he can do rather than what he is. Many of his watercolor sketches already sit framed on the walls of Mary Ann's fine dining restaurants, so it could be a reality if the galaxy is kind to him. Heron: Doesn't want to be remembered by anyone except those closest to him. People would be harder to lure in to back alleys to try and mug him if they know to stay away from the guy with the prosthetic leg. And how can he commit crimes against the force gods if no one attacks him first? Lake: Chronically unsure, Lake thinks he wants to be remembered as a decent guy all things considered. Thinks they're all going to be remembered as monsters, but whatever. That's whoever comes next's problem to deal with, he's just trying to have fun and stay alive. Torch: Torch doesn't care if or how he's remembered after he's gone, he's also just here to have a good time while he can. His captain would probably say he's going to be remembered as a goofy problem soldier, but he's going to be remembered as absolutely devotional to his squad, and an excellent sharpshooter. Sprig: He wants to be remembered like a kickass fantasy spy advisor like leliana or zeveran from dragon age. Course the only reason they're deeds are known is because they're part of a video game. Maybe.... he thinks about writing a blackmail book. It would highly embarrass so many senators and office officials for petty (usually illegally so) shit, but that's what they get for legally making him the guy who had to deal with all the bomb threats by chance of birth. Empty buildings give him time to riffle through their shit.

-

Do they trust people easily? How easily will they turn their back to someone? Have they been backstabbed before? Will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

Nihlus: He trusts trustworthy people.... as long as they aren't Jedi or Sith. Anyone capable of resisting his ability to unconditionally access their thoughts and intentions is an eventual threat even if they chose not to resist him.

-He doesn't do things for the good of doing it, if he wants to help even at risk to himself, he really has to like someone. Otherwise that honor is reserved for his clan, for whom he would give himself at the lightest provocation.

-Nihlus ended up in the Era of the Clone Wars due to being locked into a stasis chamber in his archive meant for fragile documents by his former master and oldest friend, Kishta, who had lured him in there to prevent his attempted assassination of the sith emporor for the destruction of his previous clan

- Nihlus is physcially incapable of betraying any of his squad no matter the cost (one of Jets orders), nor would he want to if he could. that is trust for Nihlus. Anyone else is fair game to whatever else serves the needs of him and his people

Jet: Has a healthy suspicion of others because to do otherwise would be irresponsible, but it does not stop him from reaching out, from trying, when he feels that the person is worth it

- Jet will never turn his back on his squad, his family, by his own admission. Has, though, on numerous occasions given some orders that put them in unnecessary danger for appearances sake. no one is perfect.

-Jet has never been truly back-stabbed, but he has been lied to on numerous occasions

-Jet... is initially ready to trade Nihlus life if and when he has to, for the sake of his squad and their family, as was his deal when becoming the Siths Captain. However, the longer he has him, the less likely he is to actually do so. Would not be able to choose between the lives of his squad even if their lives depended on it.

Margo: She trusts hard and fast, but if her trust is ever completely lost... that's it. Good fucking luck ever getting it back.

- Puts her trust in her Captain, and would turn her back on anyone he deemed it necessary for. Otherwise, she goes with her gut to do what she thinks she has to, to be able to sleep soundly at night.

- There have been several times where Margorashly believes they have been betrayed, by Nihlus... by Jet... by militia allies... for the first two it turned out alright, the last one... is still up for debate

- Will betray anyone she has to, to protect their family. She's the second in command, and that saddles her with a certain level of responsibility damn whatever her own morals say.

Cynic: Does not trust a single soul outside of their squad, although its less of a "all of you are sus" and more of a "none of you are reliable"

- it's not turning your back on people if you weren't really going to help them in the first place. Anyone who isn't squad is just fodder for the cause, although he has far more of an affinity towards helping other clones than to even looking a natborns way

- you can only be backstabbed by people you trust and he believes his squad wouldnt do that, everything else is just an unanticipated attack

- has a tier list of who he would trade for who within his squad if he had to that he would never tell anyone else about. It's not based on who he likes best, but rather who he thinks would be able to best keep the squad going

Heron: Doesn't trust easily outside his squad, that's how you get caught. and he hates nothing more than when the jig is up, tehee

- easily, he'll easily turn his back on people (who arent his crew). The only people worth sticking your neck out for are the ones as willing to kill for you as they are to die for you.

- Definately thought Nihlus did that one thing that one time like Margo but was also wrong, although he didn't take it as personally as she did. He is well aware there are worse people them him out there.

- has a tier list like Cynic does. two, actually. one that he publically shifts around as a joke anytime someone fucks with him, and the real one that he holds close to his heart.

Lake: Wants to believe the best in people at all times, genuinely wants to

- would, in the opinion of much of the rest of his crew, would give his life too easily in order to do the right thing. would not easily turn his back on anyone that needed help

- All the time, if by back-stabbed you mean 'dissapointed', Torch is too cautious though, so Lake has never had the chance to be seriously betrayed

- Would never betray his crew outright, no matter what. the morality of his crew matters less than the vows he has made to them. Has been given an ultimatum before, and he made his choice.

Torch: Wants to believe the best in people, but always expects the worst, he has to. it's kept them alive before, and it will do so again.

- will trust easily, and will break that trust easily if he thinks he detects the slightest threat. His squad comes first, always. Will tattle on them to the Captain if he thinks it'll be funny though.

- His initial fuck-ups almost cost his training batch their spots in the GAR, but they didn't have to throw him as under the bus for it as hard as they did

- Will die with his crew before he betrays them, but if he thinks accepting the initial offer will get him a way to help, he can put up a pretty convincing front

Sprig: Trust is hard earned with Sprig, but he notices potential and offers tentative trust accordingly

- socially, he will not be caught unawares. he's spent too long watching people.

- Has never been truely betrayed. had brothers who told him they'd come back who never did, but it's hard to blame the dead, isnt it?

- Sprig will betray anyone he has to, again, for his crew. Jet built this squad well. for his crew? He also has a list of who's life comes first. like the others, his isnt on top of his own.

Random angst headcanon?

Nihlus: Sometimes he looks in the mirror tries to grin and wishes he could smile in full like he could when he was young and happy and didn't had nerve damage over a full third of his face

Jet: gets migraines from his numerous head injuries

Margo: Several of the squad she commanded before she became Jets second died very soon after she transferred, and sometimes she wonders if she had turned him down whether or not she could have done anything to prevent it

Cynic: feels a lot of insecurity initially over his place in the squad, although he doesn't show it, since it was Margo that requested (demanded) he join with her rather than Jet offering.

Heron: Gets phantom cramps in a foot that no longer exists if he leans on that side for too long without a cane, and nothing except straight 'sith magic' has ever seemed to help make it go away

Lake: For better (and through worse) Lake will stay by Torch's side, no matter how often he ethically disagrees with the rest of their squad, because the rest of their batch is DEAD and Lake will be damned if he loses his last batcher, no matter what sort of monster he has to become to keep them that way.

Torch: Constantly puts up a front of whimsy because he's afraid that what he has underneath it isnt worth loving.

Sprig: So, so scared of dying. It's one of the reasons he transfered out of the ordinence corps

-

What do people assume about them? Are they right?

Nihlus: People often see Nihlus' lightsabers and lack of clone armor when the squad is together and assume that he's either the Jedi, or the one in Charge. They are oh so very wrong on both accounts. He will get really pissy if they're stubborn about trying to talk to him over his Captain about mission shit he could really not care any less about. Jet: People assume that the Sith is some how mind controlling his Captain into doing what he wants, when he wants. Jet just scoffs in Blood Oath and orders Nihlus to scrub the refreshers for the third time this month as punishment for breaking some ships rules or ditching drills to hang around Kix, again. Margo: People often assume she's a mechanic, when she's just a tech. Sure, she dabbles in machinery, but she's much more capable on the software than the hardware aspect of technology. She can rewire the engines power cells but for the grace of the force don't ask her what model of spark plug the damn thing needs. Cynic: People assume that by his name and attitude, he hates fun. a real stick up his ass stick in the mud. Truth is he's an early twenty-somethings man trying to make the most of things, he's just a little pessimistic, like, all the time. Absolute party animal otherwise Heron: People assume that as a Medic he's a real 'save everyone you can, do the least amount of harm' mildly Hippocratic oath inclined kinda guy like a majority of the medical professionals in the GAR. Unfortunately, he has... serial killer tendencies. Bit of a god complex, Giver and Taker of Life kinda thing. See enough guys with your face die under you hands and your knife and it's bound to do something, warp you in some way. Lake: People may assume that as like, one of the few people with a truely morally compassionate compass of the group, that Lake would be the weak link to press on to coerce into betraying the squad, but they would be very, very wrong. He values his families life above all others, just not his own. Torch: His whimsical nature might trick one into thinking he's a fool, but Torch is actually one of the most tactically brilliant soldiers in Crisis Company, and has the best aim out of all of them. He's just... occasionally taken over by the urge to Have a Good Time. Sprig: Is a real Seems like a Cinnamon Roll, Could Kill You, kinda guy. Really great at drawing people into just talking. In reality, he's filling it all away to use at a later date should it come in handy. (rarely does it, so he always just comes off as a peoples person)

[throwingideasatthewall2]

Mass Effect 1

Currance bad derogatoriness moneyness militarism autocracy

Currance Nihlus currances Shepard Spectres

Nihlus currance Prothean Beacon currances Citadel Council

Nihlus deceasing Saren

Therum

Liara

Feros

Eldritch Abomination God

Eldritch Abomination God consecration bad

Noveria

Commemoration No

Slush

Virmire

Salarians anti-conventional

Sovereign Reaper ship Saren aliveness Sovereign Reaper

Saren discovery Prothean Beacon

Citadel

Ilos

Citadel

Saren deceasing

Denouement

Completion

[xoshepard]

14, 21, 28, and 49 of the shepard asks for all three of them or whichever is applicable! 🥰

THANK YOU METAL ❤️❤️❤️

14. Any good at flirting?

Evanna: yesssss good at flirting bad at romance

Audrey: nope

Orion: not really but he has a lot of natural charm and pull (he's hot and powerful. ig this also applies to audrey tho sdkjfhskj)

21. Do you have any AUs for your shepard?

Evanna: if you see me writing smut of her and tali. that is au LMAO ain't no way that could happen in canon and i admit it. i also have been playing with alternate romances for her, if that counts.

Audrey: everybody know about the nihlus lives au :3 but also her other au version is in orion's worldstate, where she's just like a normal model/designer and not a soldier or anything and her parents are alive. they did train her to fight but it has nothing to do with her career or daily life, it just kinda stops her from getting mugged or abducted dsfjkhsjk

Orion: he also has an au version in audrey's worldstate, where he was on elysium working when mindoir got attacked. he's a civil engineer working on expanding elysium in that au. his personality is super different in audrey's worldstate, they have a bit more aloof/antagonistic relationship in his canon bc he resents her for not being pushed into their spacer family legacy of fighting for the alliance, whereas in her canon he's v protective of her and STAYS worried sick about her and wishes she hadn't felt like she needed to join the alliance

28. What about hyperfixations? What’s the topic that will get Shepard rolling no matter the person or place

Evanna: idk if i would say they're rly one for hyperfixations? and they'll laugh at 1) any stupid crude joke they hear 2) people they despise/look down on getting hurt 3) fuckin whatever man they love to laugh

Audrey: answered here

Orion: he gets suuuuuper into studying, he likes to study combat, war, and tech. he also will get v into observing alien environments if he gets the chance. he'll laugh at a good pun, and thinks harmlessly annoying people is funny (again, he likes puns).

49. What is Shepard’s happy ending? What’s the dream that keeps em going

Evanna: freedom, having her own space that she's the owner/leader/ruler of. she figures if she does enough in the alliance she can retire and buy a house on the outskirts of some earth megatropolis

Audrey: owning a jewelry/trinket shop and finally being able to sell handmade products, preferably on elysium or wherever ryan is when this is all over

Orion: ryan doesn't really know what he wants, because he spent so much time convincing himself that he wanted to be a soldier. i think his main hope is that with enough time he'll stop having nightmares about akuze and stop feeling guilty for surviving. he starts thinking about what he wants to do seriously when he's with cerberus, because working with them makes him more depressed than ever, and he knows that if he doesn't set some sort of goal to work towards he won't make it through his stint with them. so he decides he just wants some land to use for designing a house and getting it built, as well as for growing plants and seeing which he can learn to cultivate. he gets a few desk plants for his cabin, too, which helps w his mental health.

[iamcayc]

Gemini Paradox - a Mass Effect WIP :)

Don’t mind me, just shamelessly plugging my Mass Effect fanfic that’s my take on the James Vega romance we all deserved but never got 😭👹 if the summary below tickles your fancy, then please hop on over to Ao3 to read on here!

Athena Shepard died the day they buried an empty casket in her brother's name. Fleeing to old habits and the depths of Omega to escape her grief, Thena lived the next two years in a numb haze, joining the asari dancers at Afterlife, under the watchful eye of Aria T'Loak.

Then, a grinning Alliance marine saunters into the club, calls her "Lola", and spends every day sitting at the front of whatever stage she's dancing on to flirt shamelessly with zero follow-through. His appearance comes three weeks before the ghost of her twin brother walks into Afterlife, shattering the glass cocoon containing what's left of her heart when she realizes that ghost isn't a ghost, but her brother—alive and well.

---

A re-imagining of the Mass Effect trilogy centered around Ares and Athena Shepard, the famous (and infamous) twins raised by Anderson and Hackett after the death of their parents, in which, Nihlus lives, Vega gets fast-tracked into ME2 by way of a fake relationship, and the fate of the universe rests in the hands of a brother and sister who will always choose each other above anyone else.

[expertmakodriver]

This man took a bullet point blank to the back of his noggin and some people just went "Well surely he could have survived right? I think he was just napping after Saren shot him. He was sleepin it off"