#nighttimerambles

[nighttimenothings]

it's so easy to find someone attractive, but it's harder to find someone who's in tune with their emotions and knows how to regulate it?? like finding someone emotionally stable, or at the very least, knows how to communicate what they need is so very difficult.

not saying i'm the perfect example of that, but just Trying is enough, you know? being unable to communicate or being mature about what you need and can give a partner is the quickest way to turn me off, honestly. it's just so simple and clear-cut to me, and when someone else can't meet me there, it's just immediately a no from me.

it's not my job to fix someone or change them. i mean, yeah, i can communicate how i feel with someone, but if they can't or won't address the issue, i just don't feel like it's worth sticking around. my mental health deserves better. *i* deserve better.

i think about this a lot actually, and it all comes back down to, like, the bare minimum. people settle for the bare minimum literally every single day. i hear "oh, but they're nice and funny" all the damn time. okay??? and??? so your partner is playing limbo with a bar in hell. good! great! but you deserve so much more than that?? why should you be settling for less??

every and all relationships are a two way street. it's a give and take system. you should be able to talk to each other, and if not, that's something to reflect on.

[contagiouslyweird]

You ever post something in the middle of the night and look back at it later and realize it's not really as funny as you thought and there was no need to share it publicly. So you make another post in the middle of the night to acknowledge that even though nobody really cares...

[bodiesinthebasement]

Death

Do you ever wonder what death would actually be like?

It’s something that crosses my mind almost everyday. Not because I’m suicidal, but because I have such a fear of death. Yet, I’m absolutely fascinated by it. I love learning about death and all things with it ranging from the forensics behind death, the biology behind it and even the actions of it such as murder, suicide and natural.

It crosses my mind at any time of the day. I’ve been driving and I get a sudden chill down my spine, then the thought of never being here after death creeps in. It’s genuinely makes me sad. To know that one day I won’t be here, and no one will remember me. Its happened when I’ve been watching tv, playing video games and even when I’m sleeping. I’ve woken up in a panic. It’s difficult to explain properly. Aside from the panicking side of it, I fully understand the biology that all living things expire eventually. Of the few occasions I have indeed felt suicidal, I’ve never attempted to kill myself due to the fear. Plus, I know the pain everyone else will feel and putting my friends and family through that for the sake of ending my pain just doesn’t sit right with me. So I’m lucky I have that safety net I guess.

Turning to the weirder side of thought train. I have often wondered what it would feel like to die at the hands of someone. How does being stabbed or shot feel? How does it feel to be strangled to death? Do you feel when the end is coming? Does the person killing you feel you die? It’s a weird thought train I know. I promise you all I am fully functioning member of society, with a full time job and a good circle of friends. But then again, most serial killers ar fully functioning members of society, with full time jobs and good circles of friends! Alas - as much as I am fascinated by death and all things morbid, I could never hurt another person.

I’ve rambled enough for the night.

Goodnight from your neighborhood weirdo 👌🏻

[willowdeer-blog1]

when I grow up

I want to be the type of Christ follower who has His light and love radiating from them. Not the “yeah, she’s a Christian I guess”, but the “holy smokes look at all that love why is she so happy and peaceful?” type of walk.

I will be nice to the kids who break up with my kids. I will ask them how they’re doing, smile, make eye contact, still love them.

I will never stop learning. There’re so many things in the world to do and I have restless feet and itching hands. I want to get better at surfing, keep improving my massage and yoga practice, continuing getting physically strong, beat Darius’ record of 24 pull-ups, travel to at least Italy and India, possibly try snow boarding Bc that one makes more sense to me than skiing, which means I should prolly learn to skate. I want to climb so many mountains and hike and see beauty, I want to cook tasty food for myself and others, I want to have a house/apartment where people can come in almost anytime and have snacks and laugh and cry and be cozy and just talk. Lord willing, someday I’ll be married and have pancake mornings with maple syrup kisses and stargazing, and eventually little fawns running all over. I want to learn barista stuffs and how to make *good* coffee, I want to continue to develop my intuition and empathy, I want to be mentored and maybe someday mentor others. I want to READ MORE, put down this silly device more, rule it and not let it rule me. I wanna help people deal with their emotions and not be scared by them, to help them understand themselves and others. I want to be authentic, to be me as how He created me to be, in which doing so will bring glory to Him.

Elisabeth: devoted to God. That basically sums up the goal. Being saturated with God and His knowledge and goodness, staring at Him as much as I can, honoring Him in whatever I do.

I don’t want to be just one thing when I grow up. I want to be all sorts of things.

I’m a Christ follower. 20 years old. Tree climber. Liscensed massage therapist. Nanny. Aspiring yogi. INFP. Gardener. Poet. Past bakery employee, retail employee, florist. Avid journaler since age 7. past equestrian vaulter. Lover of music and feelings. Child’s heart. farthest travels to Canada and Peru. player of the ukulele, piano, penny whistle, Low D whistle, and basic knowledge of quite a few others.

There’s a few things I am off the top of my head.

[blahblahblaw18]

I’m byackkk!

Heyy people (by ‘people’ I mean myself and my 3 other followers, of which I am sure 2 are bot accounts) I am byackkk. I know I took a pretty long unannounced break but it’s not like I stopped writing or anything, which btw is never going to happen ‘cause even if I go blind (which, if it happens, wouldn’t be a surprise considering how I’ve been exploiting my poor eyes these days) or lose a limb or get diagnosed with cancer or a brain tumour or some such major thing, I will still find a way to talk to you (again, by ‘you’ I mean myself and the 3 other followers, of which I am sure 2 are bot accounts) probably I will start a podcast or something... IDK we’ll figure that out when I become handicapped.

Anyway, I hadn’t uploaded anything ‘cause a few weeks ago my Ayurvedic ophthalmologist advised me to steer clear of any kind of screen. Why? That’s a story for another day, you guys. Till then all you need to know is that I have some dumb problem in my right eye which is really a pain in the butt, I’ll just leave it there. Anyhoo, because of that prescription, I had to diligently keep most of the gadgets out of my way for most of the first two weeks in November. And then what happened was, my other (non-Ayurvedic ophthalmologist) told me that it was okay to use gadgets and that it doesn’t really make much of a difference to the condition that my eye suffers from. So that kinda opened the floodgates and... I am ashamed to admit this but I will do it anyway... I suffered a relapse, guys. If you don’t know what I am talking about, well, I am an addict... internet addict, to be specific.

Don’t laugh at me guysss. It is a real problem and it is, in fact, worse than any actual substance abuse ‘cause the internet is not illegal, so there’s more chance of it going a) undiagnosed and b) uncured. Yeah so, that kinda took me downhill and before I could even make sense of what was happening, I had wasted even my last two months this year down in some obscure YT rabbit hole. Not a good note end the year on eh? Nope. Not even by the standards of 2020. Anyway, there are still a few more days to go before we finally get to say goodbye to this cataclysmic year so maybe I’ll be able to turn the tables by then. (Pfft. Who am I even kidding?!) 

Soooo, why is it that I find myself out of the YouTube loop (SURPRISE! SURPRISE!) at 1:37 in the morning, sleeping (at least pretending to) in the living room of my grandparents' house on the divan with the fan turned to a genteel speed of 2, wrapped in a warm fuzzy rug (which would have in normal circumstances kissed to sleep even the most insomniac of people) writing this blog? That’s because even though I was on a break I hadn’t completely stopped writing, as I mentioned earlier. I did write some reallly good pieces, at least good by my own parameters, but it’s that, for most of the past few days I’ve either been too sucked up into the YT rabbit hole to find time to type them all here or have been just plain lazy to do so. But this particular night, even as I plopped down on this makeshift ‘bed’, I wasn’t feeling exactly soporific and so I thought since I have no better job and also since I was getting slightly bored of YT (Whuttt?!) I might as well stop kicking then can any further down the road and get down to writing some shit at least. And anyway, is there any better time than the middle of the night for the best of ideas strike the mind? I mean, the bathroom time might seem like a tough competitor but usually I find myself whiling away that time exercising my vocal cords (Yup, I just confessed to being a toilet singer) so, as far as my case goes, it does no better than coming a close second. Also, some really good Backstreet Boys songs were playing on my Spotify shuffle in the background so it would have been really foolish of me to resist the urge to write.

An idea is quite literally like a piece of shit, it doesn’t care about who you are, where you are or what you are doing. Once it has decided that it wants to squirm out of you, then it very much will get what it wants and find it’s way out. So who am I to say no to it?

25.12.20

IndiraLakshmi

[honeyprismparticles]

your brain. is one thing. your mind is another. and your soul is a completely different life..entity of its own. your mind is conditioned. your soul is essence. how does yours speak? how does it sing? how does it touch the sky with its tongue and wiggle it’s toes in the sand beneath the waves below. be with her. and make it all last because we are temporary. but our love is forever.

[laurakathryn]

My rooms really messy and it bums me out because its actually really cute when clean. But I only clean when I'm manic and medicine kind of dulls that down. At least my bed is still my little relaxation palace. My floral blankets and the fabric strung across my wall make me feel all cozy. And I love being able to hear outside my attic bedroom on rainy nights like this. It will make waking up all the more difficult tomorrow. It's the little things that I try to focus on. The small joys that make me feel peaceful so stress just can't pile on. I hope I get manic enough soon or packing messiness will be loads of joy in a few months.

[nighttimenothings]

hey lovelies, i go by cas and i'm a soft dom masc lesbian. i love writing, film, and reading!

please read the DNI list below; i won't warn you twice.

i do go through my follows, so if you're a cishet man, minor or if you don't have your exact age (18+ does not count) somewhere on your blog, i will block you immediately.

if you're a minor or someone with an ageless blog interacting with my posts, i will also block you!

terfs, transphobes, zionists, racists, radfems, homophobes are NOT welcome on this blog.

pls don't interact if you're a feeder/feedee blog, or a furry!

straight women, this is not a blog for you! pls do not interact with my blog in any capacity!

if you're rude and unkind to me or anyone else, it's an automatic block. just be kind!

boundaries - please read!!:

first of all, please respect them. there's an actual person behind the username, so just because we're online doesn't mean you can cross lines and behave poorly.

DMs are for mutuals only (feel free to flirt and say hi!)

anons are welcome to ask me things (within question) and flirt (if you're polite).

don't send me nudes unless we've explicitly discussed it.

please don't spam like/reblog stuff from my blog! i will block on sight.

please do not tag your blorbos or reblog with a caption pertaining to your blorbo! i will also block on sight.

don't be an asshole?? that's a given, but apparently it still needs to be said.

anons:

as per above, feel free to pop by!

if you would like to claim an emoji, pls make sure you also tell me your age and pronouns.

taken emojis: 🫧, 🗿, 🎀, 💜, 💕, 🍬

#nighttimenothings for spicy posts. #NNlongnights are for my long posts. #nighttimerambles are for my Thoughts. #nighttimepics for my pics (do NOT repost). #ya'll ask i answer for asks, and #NNanons for nameless anons! any personal updates will be under #NNupdates.

most recently updated on: 06/21/24