#nice little touch that the last scene of the whole series has always been in the animated opening credits from the start | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

senashenta · 4 months ago

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Everything I Do

Title: Everything I Do

Pairing: Destiel

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Just. All the smut. All of it.

Summary: When Dean calls on Cas to meet up with him, even though it’s only been seven weeks since their last meeting, Cas agrees immediately, and books a bus to Lawrence, Kansas. But meeting Dean in Lawrence isn’t all burgers and sex, things are COMPLICATED for Dean in Lawrence. Always have been, probably always will be. Plus, he’s just coming off a positively DISASTROUS Hunt with his Dad. Over the weekend, Cas learns a little more about his boyfriend—and maybe Dean learns a little more about himself as well.

Notes: If you’re coming into this fic blind, it’s the FIFTH in a series, and I highly recommend you read the rest of them first. Just click on the “Horror High et al Master Post” link under the notes here and everything is listed in order. So much smut though. So much. (Especially in the one-shots.)

Literally ended up writing this just to include one specific scene that I WANTED to include in Cerulean Blue and ended up having to leave out. This one, like Cerulean Blue, has a plot (if you squint), so it’s not JUST about the smut, though there IS plenty of that. Also just, like, so many feels.

A BRIEF, SHINING MOMENT OF TOP!CAS AND BOTTOM!DEAN (that was REALLY weird for me to write) before we return to your regularly scheduled Top!Dean and Bottom!Cas. Is everyone happy now? :D;;

Cas is, again, taking a bus from Tallahassee to Lawrence, and teh google tells me that to drive that distance takes 16 hours and 16 minutes. So, adding on time for stops and transfers, I rounded it up to a 21-hour trip (give or take) for him. Sucks not being able to drive (this is coming from someone who, in fact, does NOT drive, so I know.)

Go listen to “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams, if you never have. It’s a fantastic song and ABSOLUTELY embodies Cas and Dean’s relationship in this particular AU: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0pdQU87dc8 <3

HORROR HIGH et al TUMBLR MASTER POST HERE.

EVERYTHING I DO By Senashenta

[Motel 6, 6850 W. 108th Street, room 2.]

It was only seven weeks after their week together in New York City and the whole Sally debacle, and Cas was already coming off another twenty-one-hour bus ride, this time to Lawrence, Kansas, where Dean was waiting for him, apparently at an actual Motel 6 this time. He hauled his backpack off the bus with him and headed out to the front of the station to hail a cab, and soon he was on his way to the motel, exhausted from his long trip.

Not that Cas was complaining. It would be nice, to be seeing Dean so soon after their last meetup. Usually there was at least three, sometimes four months in-between, and the time always seemed to go by like molasses, even though they kept in touch over the phone and the computer in the meantime.

But something had seemed… different, this time around, when Dean had said he could take the time to meet Cas again so soon. Something in his voice had been off. There had been a sort of urgency there, for the last-minute meetup. When Cas had asked about it, Dean had brushed him off, but Cas knew something was wrong—maybe not anything huge or life-altering, but something.

When he got to the motel in question—a little run-down but not the absolute shittiest place they had ever met up—Cas made his way down the row of doors until he reached number two, then knocked lightly and waited for Dean to answer, hiking his backpack farther up his shoulder while he waited.

When the locks unlatched and the door opened, Dean just grabbed him by the front of his shirt and dragged him into the room, then kicked the door closed behind him. Cas let his backpack slide to the ground even as Dean pushed him up against the door, kissed him once, briefly—and then just leaned into his chest, the older man’s forehead coming down to rest against his shoulder.

“I missed you, Cas.” Dean muttered.

Cas came back with a murmur of, “tell me what’s wrong, Dean.”

Dean sighed but didn’t lift his head, instead nuzzling closer into Cas’s neck, and Cas brought his arms up around the other man, just holding him quietly for what seemed like forever. “Nothing’s wrong when I’m with you.” Dean replied finally, voice quiet, “that’s the point.”

“Liar.” Cas accused softly, not unkind, and then shoved off the door, jostling Dean in the process, and tugged the other man over to the bed. He quickly stripped out of his trench coat and shoes and then climbed onto the mattress, motioning for Dean to join him. “Come here, Dean.” Dean made quick work of crawling over to sprawl next to him, and Cas pulled him into his chest, wrapping him up in his arms comfortably. “Much better, right?”

Dean just grunted quietly and buried his face in Cas’s neck once more, and the two of them stayed like that for a while, Cas rubbing along Dean’s arm while Dean slowly unwound a little.

Finally, when Dean seemed a little more relaxed, Cas murmured, “do you want to talk about it?”

Dean was quiet for another couple of minutes. Cas just continued stroking along his arm gently, reassuring. “Dad and I…” Dean began finally, then trailed off and pressed his forehead harder into Cas’s shoulder for a second; “we got a lead on the demon—the demon—up in Yakima, and I… I messed up, I…” He made a frustrated noise, then, and huffed by Cas’s neck, “we could have got it, Dad was sure we could have got it, but I fucked up and it got away. It got away because of me, and Dad just—”

Cas could guess that John had just, when it came to that particular demon. “That bad?”

“If we’d had a house, he would’ve kicked me out of it,” Dean said quietly, “he screamed and shouted and told me to get away from him, get lost until I got my head on straight, and so I bailed and—”

“And you called me?” Cas gave a little, brief smile. “Is that why you picked Lawrence, for us to meet up?”

“Lawrence is my home, Cas. Or the closest thing I’ve ever had to one.” Dean admitted.

“I understand.” Cas ducked to kiss by Dean’s temple gently, “what do you want out of this weekend, Dean?”

The older man was quiet for a while, and Cas just continued rubbing at his arm gently, trying to be reassuring. Eventually Dean shifted so his head was leaning properly against Cas’s shoulder. He slung an arm over Cas’s chest, the reverse of their usual positions, and sighed. “Just… be you, Cas. Remind me that I’m not completely worthless, that I’m not a terrible person, just for a couple of days.”

“Dean…” Cas’s hand stopped moving and he wrapped his arms around Dean tightly, holding him close. “Don’t ever think those things of yourself. You’re never worthless and you’re not a terrible person…” Trailing off slightly, he frowned and murmured, “I can’t believe your Dad would actually say those things to you…”

“He’s… hard on me. With good reason. I’m the eldest, and I can’t… make mistakes. Not like that. If I can’t do the job, I’m worthless. If I can’t finish the mission—the big mission—I’m a terrible person.” Dean sounded like he was actively parroting some of the things his dad had said to him. He turned his head to bury his face and mumbled, “I’ve never felt so useless, Cas…”

“Hey. Stop.” Cas slid one hand up to thread into Dean’s hair and tugged gently, “you are none of those things, Dean Winchester.”

Dean made a soft disagreeing noise and left his face buried in Cas’s chest but stopped talking. They were both quiet for a few breaths before Cas began carding his fingers through Dean’s hair gently.

“Dean you are… courageous and strong and fierce, like the heart of a lion. But you’re also loving, giving and caring. You’re the most caring person I know.” Cas hummed softly, considering before continuing; “you’re so gentle, and selfless, you take care of people over yourself. Me. Your Dad. Your brother. Complete strangers. You’re smart, cunning… and funny. You make me laugh all the time. And you’re… passionate, you carry so much passion in your heart, sometimes it’s overwhelming. You have so many fantastic qualities, Dean, I can’t even begin to list them all… but you are not and never will be worthless or useless or a terrible person.”

“Sometimes I don’t think I’m any of those things, Cas.”

“Trust me, you’re all of them and more.” Cas tugged at his hair gently again, pulling Dean’s head up and leaning in for a kiss. “But most of all, you love me. Somehow, for some reason, you love me.”

“For all the reasons.” Dean corrected him softly.

Cas gave him a smile and tipped his head for another kiss. “I love you, too. For all the reasons.” When Dean leaned into the kiss, Cas sighed and murmured, “I’ll always love you, Dean. Until the day I die.”

When they broke apart a moment later, Dean ducked his head back down against Cas’s chest and asked, barely audible, “hey, Cas?”

“Yes?” Cas replied, back to petting through his hair.

And then, just as quietly; “I think I want you to make love to me.”

Cas’s hand paused in Dean’s hair. He swallowed slightly. The two of them had discussed switching things up between them briefly, once before, and Dean had been reluctant at best. Definitely uncomfortable with the idea. And while it was good that he was opening up his mind, Cas wasn’t entirely sure this was the right… time for it.

After a moment his hand began moving again, threading through Dean’s hair gently, and Cas cleared his throat before asking, “Dean, are you… sure about that?”

“You don’t want to?” Dean asked.

“I never said that.” It was just that Dean was obviously feeling… vulnerable, right now. And Cas didn’t want to take advantage of that, do anything that might break the absolute trust they had long ago established between them. Cas hesitated before offering, “Dean, it’s just… with how you’re feeling right now, I don’t want to do anything you’ll regret later.”

The arm Dean had slung over him tightened slightly and the older man paused, licking his lips and then telling him softly, embarrassedly, “I won’t regret anything with you, Cas. Not ever. I never do. And I think… I need this, right now. I need you to take control. Just for a bit. Get me out of my head.”

That Cas could understand. He knew exactly what it felt like to have every coherent thought vacate his brain while Dean worked him over. It could be a reprieve. An escape, when he was feeling particularly badly over something in his life. And how could he deny that to Dean when Dean had supplied it for him so many times in the past, knowingly or unknowingly?

After another moment of frowning up at the ceiling and toying with Dean’s hair absently, Cas finally moved—he disentangled himself from Dean and pushed the other man down onto his back, then propped himself up to lean over him and look at him seriously. “Are you sure about this?”

Dean offered a little quirk of a smile, though Cas could still see the shadows behind the green of his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Cas hesitated for another brief moment—then just flashed a smile of his own and leaned down to kiss Dean, firm and decided. Dean seemed to let out a little relieved breath against Cas’s mouth before returning the kiss. He reached up with his hands, one to fist in the front of Cas’s shirt and the other to grab at the side of his neck—and Cas just eased closer, kissed him deeper.

Inside, Cas was freaking out. His nerves were making his stomach twist into knots, though he did his best not to let to show for Dean’s sake. But this was a big deal, and Cas had never done this before—not this part, anyway. He only had the basest of ideas what he was doing. It was almost like their first time all over again.

Which… under different circumstances, might have actually been a turn-on, but with Dean’s current state it just made Cas worry because what if he screwed it up? He really didn’t want to screw it up. He wanted to be good at it. But it would be his first time, and…

“I can almost literally see your thoughts, Cas, and you’re gonna do fine.” Dean spoke up, and Cas hadn’t even realized their kissing had paused, he’d been so distracted by his own spiralling train of thought. “But if you don’t want to do this, we obviously don’t have to.”

Cas let out a breath and nodded, then sat back a bit and pushed at Dean’s flannel shirt. “Take this off. The t-shirt, too.” Then he just reached to strip out of his own shirt, tossing it away with hands that were only trembling the slightest bit. When Dean sat up and pulled off his flannel overshirt, then his worn AC/DC t-shirt, Cas was momentarily distracted by a huge patch of dark, mottled bruising that marred almost the entire left side of Dean’s torso. “Dean…”

Dean lifted one hand to touch against the patch of bruising, knowing what he was going to say. “From… the thing in Yakima. I got off easy.”

“Easy?” Cas repeated, almost incredulous. He supposed there was no blood, but still. That was edging into internal injury territory. Instead of saying any of that, Cas swallowed slightly and carefully pushed Dean down onto his back again, settling over him and leaning to kiss him deeply. When they broke apart a moment later, he pressed another brief kiss to Dean’s lips and whispered, “be right back.”

Then Cas climbed off the bed and went to his discarded backpack, unzipping one of the front pouches and fishing out the lubricant he had packed. He knew Dean always brought some as well, but he didn’t know where it was, and this was just easier. Once it was firmly in his grasp, he returned to the bed—only to find that Dean had taken the initiative to get out of his pants and boxers in Cas’s absence.

Cas’s eyes swept up the length of Dean’s body and he swallowed slightly before dropping the lube on the mattress and shucking out of his own jeans and boxers as well. And it was the same feeling as their first time, years ago, when Cas climbed back onto the bed with Dean: suddenly it was all very real.

Now, Cas settled over his boyfriend again, ducking in for another few kisses, long and deep and drawn-out, before breaking away and beginning to trail little kisses, nips and licks down Dean’s neck, along his collar bone, across his chest… and he paused when he got to the mottled bruising along his side and ribs, making a special point of pressing gentle kisses all along the area.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” He murmured softly.

“You didn’t do it.” Dean replied, just as quiet, “you don’t have to be sorry.”

Cas hummed out a soft disagreeing sound, but left it at that, continuing to make his way downward, paused to lick into Dean’s navel and smiled a little when the other man squirmed. Then he eased farther down until he could wrap his lips around the head of Dean’s half-hard cock and start sucking, softly at first, then deeper, harder and wetter as his boyfriend’s dick hardened up properly in his mouth.

Dean moaned quietly, his head back on the pillow now and one hand down, fingers threading into Cas’s hair. But still—“Cas… not that I’m complaining, but this wasn’t… ah… exactly the point, here…”

“Mmhm,” Cas hummed out an agreement and pulled off Dean’s cock, letting a hand come up to start stroking him instead. He looked up at Dean with a little smile. “But you’re still tense. You need to relax more before I…” Blue eyes flitted to where the lube was sitting, beside them on the bed. “Trust me, you don’t want to be clenched up for that part.” A pause, then, and he added, “and I don’t want to accidentally hurt you, just like you never want to hurt me.”

Dean huffed a groan, hips bucking lightly, and admitted, “that’s a good point.”

Another quiet agreeing sound and Cas just went back to what he was doing, sucking Dean back into his mouth and easing deep, beginning to suck him off lazily, not really trying to get him to come, just trying to get him to relax into it—and it worked. After a few minutes Dean was loose and relaxed against the bed, shifting under his ministrations and offering up quiet, breathy little moans every now and then.

Finally, Cas pulled back off with a soft wet sound and smiled up at him. “You think you’re ready now?”

Dean sighed out another soft moan and tugged at Cas’s hair gently. “Y… yeah, I’m good.”

Okay then. Cas grabbed the tube of lubricant, then nudged at Dean’s legs until he got them into the easiest position to prep him. And yeah, suddenly the nerves were back. Cas shifted slightly and swallowed thickly against the twisting ball of anxiety in his stomach even as he slicked up the fingers of his right hand and then discarded the lube to the side again.

When he hesitated a little too long, then, Dean prodded him gently with simply, “Cas.”

“Right. Sorry. I’ve just never… done this before.”

“Sure, you have.”

“Not from this side of things.” Cas protested softly, but he was already reaching to touch against Dean’s entrance with one finger, just lightly. He looked up quickly for a reaction, but Dean just twitched slightly and didn’t tell him to stop, so he carried on, carefully, slowly pushing his index finger into Dean’s body.

Dean hissed and shifted his hips, obviously uncomfortable but unwilling to admit as much. But Cas knew from personal experience—albeit personal experience in the relatively distant past—that the first time was awkward and weird—at least until the prostate came into play. So, he tried to work through the stretching with the first finger as quickly as possible before gently, carefully introducing the second—and when Dean gave a pained grunt at that, Cas murmured an apology but didn’t stop.

Halfway through stretching Dean with two fingers, when he was pushed as deep as possible for the first time, Cas accidentally bumped into his sweet spot and Dean came alive like a livewire, jolting and crying out loudly. Cas just smiled widely and rubbed his fingers firmly over that spot for a long, drawn-out couple of moments, until Dean was practically begging him to stop.

So, he did, pulling back long enough to add the third finger and going back to fucking Dean on them, though not specifically targeting his prostate now, instead just bumping against it here-and-there while he continued to stretch the other man out.

Soon Dean was reduced to a jerking, twitching mess, gasping out curses every time Cas’s fingers collided with his sweet spot and pulling at the blankets desperately, his cock swollen and throbbing, red and leaking precome against his stomach in sticky blurts. He was absolutely wrecked—and Cas had never seen anything so beautiful before in his life.

Still fucking Dean on his fingers, Cas ducked down to lick up the underside of his cock, then across the head and into the steadily growing puddle of precome… and Dean gave an almost protesting shout at that, shaking his head against the pillow, hips jolting and bucking at the touch: “stop…! Stop, Cas, you’ve gotta… or I’m gonna… fuck…! Oh, fuck, fuck, please…!”

Cas paused, glancing up at Dean, licking his lips absently, and after a moment, finally pulled his fingers out of the older man, then crawled up and settled over him, his own hips pressed against Dean’s firmly. Looking down at him, he swallowed and offered the same deal Dean had offered him the very first time they had had sex: “last chance to back out.”

But Dean quickly shook his head, and Cas flashed a brief smile, ducking to kiss him even as he adjusted them both and took a breath—then carefully, gently, maybe a little awkwardly, pushed his own cock into Dean’s now-pliant body, sinking deep in one slow thrust.

And oh, shit, that was…

They were both still for a long moment, almost holding their breaths, and then there was a collective exhale and Cas leaned to kiss Dean again, partly to distract himself because the feeling of being inside the other man was almost too much. It was hot and tight and slick in all the best ways possible—and he could only imagine how it felt for Dean right then. It was pleasure in a totally different kind of way than he was used to, and if he didn’t distract himself somehow, he was going to ruin this and come way too soon.

But also, he was vaguely worried about Dean, who so far was silent. Did it feel good for him, too? Was he in pain and trying to hide it? Dean could be so stoic sometimes, had been raised to be that way, so God only knew. Eventually Cas broke off from kissing his boyfriend to duck his head and bury his face in the crook of Dean’s neck and groaned out softly, “Dean…?”

“Fucking…” Dean’s reply, when it came, was harsh, his voice strained, with a high little pitch to the edge of his words; “move, Cas. Fucking move, before I explode…!” And it was at that point that Dean released the blankets and brought his arms up around Cas, fingers digging into his back lightly, and rocked his hips just the slightest bit, biting back a gasp at the movement. “Cas!”

Cas began to move. He adjusted himself so he could brace on his knees a little and carefully pulled out of Dean, muffling another groan into his neck, then pushed back in again with another muffled sound—almost a curse. It took a little bit, for him to get the rhythm down, the pace, but eventually he was fucking into Dean deep and hot and slow and perfect—and Dean was arching and writhing under him, head back and moaning loudly, fingers digging hard into his back.

And Cas was pretty sure he had managed to find the right angle—that perfect angle—that made the head of his cock slam into Dean’s sweet spot on every thrust into him, because every time he pushed deep Dean’s cries raised a pitch and his nose scrunched up just a little.

He let his own abdomen rub heatedly against Dean’s weeping cock for the longest time before Cas eased back slightly and slid a hand in between them to grasp at it, beginning to jerk the older man off along with his rhythm. And it was a bit difficult, maybe, coordinating the two things, but he managed it—and Dean arched back with a sharp cry the instant Cas’s hand wrapped around his dick.

It all went downhill very quickly after that. Just a few more breaths of thrusting against Dean’s prostate and jerking him off at the same time and Dean was coming, head back and moaning desperately. Cas stroked him off through it until he was done, then let go and focused on taking a couple more, sharper thrusts—then just pulled out entirely and lifted up on his knees, quickly jerking himself off until he came with a groan, pearly cum spurting all across Dean’s heaving abdomen and chest.

Then he sat back on his heels, panting for a moment, before crawling up to lick up the mess from Dean’s skin, long, hot swipes of his tongue, cleaning up both his own come and Dean’s.

“You didn’t have to… oh, fuck…” Dean had one hand up against his forehead and ran his fingers through his own hair, eyes on the ceiling for the moment, pupils still absolutely blown, as he panted for air; “you could’ve come inside me.”

“Mm,” Cas agreed as he finished tidying up the last of the come from Dean’s skin. He swallowed thickly and licked his lips, then crawled up to tuck into Dean’s side comfortably, “but I didn’t know if you wanted me to… so I figured better safe than sorry. Right?”

After a brief pause, Dean dropped his arm and wrapped it around Cas, holding him close. He licked his own lips and managed, “my legs feel tingly.”

Cas laughed and leaned in to kiss by his jaw gently. “You liked it, then?”

“Did I—” Dean began, then broke off and made an incredulous noise. “Of course I—it felt—fuck, Cas you weren’t kidding about the prostate thing!” A huffed breath and he tilted his head to kiss against Cas’s temple, just warm and affectionate and grateful. “I can’t… imagine… having a better first time at that with anyone else. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Cas murmured softly, then, “I was so worried I was going to screw it up, though. That’s not the kind of thing you want to have a shitty first time with. And I was really afraid I’d mess up and it would be terrible, or I’d hurt you in some way, God forbid, so…”

Dean smiled a little. “So, you didn’t have as good a time as I did, is what I’m hearing.”

“What? No! That’s not—” Cas quickly shook his head, and when Dean began to chuckle, he swatted at him gently. “Shut up. It felt amazing. You felt amazing. But it was very different from what I’m used to. A radically different kind of pleasure, you know? Or, I mean, I guess you really do know.”

“Mmhm,” Came Dean’s reply, sounding a little sleepy now. He settled further into the pillows and his arm around Cas tightened the slightest bit. “It’s very different, being on the other side of things…”

“Think you’ll want to do it again some time?”

“Maybe… maybe if I’m having another day like today, and I just need to get out of my own thoughts. Not that I didn’t love it, I just think… we might fit together better the other way.” Dean shifted, rolling onto his side and pulling Cas into his chest. Cas smiled fondly, understanding the tired look on his face. Between the emotional release and the physical one, it was a lot. “You mind if I just have a nap, real quick?”

Cas shook his head and ducked in for a quick kiss. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“G’night, Cas. Love you.”

“I love you, too, Dean.”

-- --

Cas had been determined to stay awake and watch over Dean while he slept, but in the end their little experiment caught up to him and he fell asleep as well, warm and comfortable wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms. When he woke some time later the blankets were pulled up over him, but Dean was gone—where to, he had no idea. Dean had never been great at the concept of leaving notes.

So, Cas climbed out of bed, cleaned himself up, got dressed, and poked around the motel room until he located some bottles of water in the mini fridge. He made a little victory noise and was just cracking one open when Dean came back in through the door, Starbucks tray in his hand and the faintest hitch in his step. Cas smiled fondly at that last bit.

“Coffee?” Dean offered, crossing over and plucking one of the cups from the tray to hold it out for Cas to take. The younger man happily abandoned the water in lieu of caffeine. Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I thought so.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas was busy opening his coffee and taking the first, blessed sip, but once he was done with that, he let his eyes flit over Dean’s form and asked, “how are you… feeling? Still okay?”

Dean hesitated before giving him a fond look—and then glancing down, almost embarrassed. He was picking at the lid of his own cup of coffee but had yet to open it. “I feel good, Cas, really. I feel…” He trailed off, searching for the right word before looking up again and smiling gently. “Lighter. I guess. It really helped. So, thank you, for… you know.”

“For taking your virginity?” Cas asked around the lip of his cup, tone amused.

A little cough. Dean flushed, just the faintest tint of red, and turned his attention to finally opening his coffee. “Yeah. That.”

If Dean was going to be bashful about the subject, that was fine, Cas decided. Other than the faint embarrassment, he seemed to be alright. He seemed to be feeling better. Said he was, anyway, so maybe he really did just need to get out of his own head for a little bit, and if Cas had managed to provide that for him then… it was good. It was all good.

Cas headed over to the little two-seater couch next to the bed, sat down, took another drink of his coffee and asked, “so, other than the obvious, what did you want to do while we’re in town?”

Dean considered for a moment before wandering over to join him, sitting pressed close against his side, “I know this is my hometown, but I don’t really know much about it. I mean for what things there are to do, that kind of thing. Dad brought us back here a couple of times when we were younger, but he was on business, and we just stayed in the motel the whole time…” And he was talking about all this with ease now, so he must have been feeling better. Cas smiled into his coffee as Dean continued; “so I don’t really know what I’d like to do, except maybe…”

When Dean trailed off, Cas tilted his head curiously. “Except maybe?”

“Maybe… go by the old house? Just to have a look at it. I haven’t been back since the night of the fire.” Dean finished before shrugging and adding, “other than that… I’d be perfectly happy to just stay locked up in here with you until you have to leave. Monday morning?”

“Mm.” Cas hummed an agreement around a mouthful of coffee, then gave him a smile, “my bus leaves at eight.”

“In the morning or night?” Dean asked.

“That’s wishful thinking.” The younger man accused fondly, “of course in the morning.”

Dean sighed and turned his attention to his coffee, taking a couple of drinks before returning to picking at the lid and managing, just softly, “I’m… sorry. For calling you here, like this, last minute. And then being so… blegh, when you got here. That wasn’t fair of me.”

“Dean. Dean, look at me.” Cas waited for Dean to look up again, then shook his head and told the older man firmly, “I will drop everything, any time, if you need me. All you have to do is ask. I would do anything for you, you know that. And if it means getting to spend some time with you in the process, all the better, even if you are being… blegh.” When Dean just blinked at him, Cas hesitated, expression softening, before asking gently, “do you want to really talk about it, now? What happened in Yakima? If you don’t, that’s fine, I’m just offering to listen, that’s all…”

There was clear hesitation from Dean for a long moment before he broke eye contact again and went back to picking at the lid of his coffee cup. “Dad’s been… tracking this demon for a long time. Ever since Mom died.” He began, voice soft, “but you know that, I already told you all about it…”

And he had—years ago, at this point, the entire sordid story about the demon and the fire in Sam’s nursery and his mother dying—about his dad’s single-minded quest to track the thing down and kill it. About how his dad had gone out and taught himself to be a Hunter, driven by revenge alone, at first, and then a kind of twisted sense of justice. The same sense of justice he had tried to instill in his sons—and had basically managed to in Dean.

John Winchester wasn’t a bad man, Cas was sure of that, but he was a broken man, and that could sometimes be worse, more dangerous. He was a hell of a Hunter because of it, though.

“Anyway,” Dean continued after a pause, “we got intel that it was going to be in Washington, doing another nursery thing. So, we high-tailed it up to Yakima to set a trap for it. Dad made Sammy stay back in the motel this time, which, I mean, you know Sammy, he was pissed, and Dad and I went in alone. But the instant the demon showed up, it spotted me and I—”

“You?” Cas encouraged softly.

“I fucking—I froze.” One hand came up to run through his hair and Dean shook his head, expression distant as he thought about that moment. Cas reached to rest a hand against his leg, squeezing gently. “I froze, and by the time I got myself moving again the thing had torn through the entire house. Both the parents were dead. Dad and I were both beaten to shit. The place was on fire, and all I could do was grab the baby and make a break for it.”

“Dean…”

“No, I—I royally fucked up, Cas. I got people killed. I’m lucky Dad didn’t—or that baby? How would I have lived with myself if—” Breaking off again, Dean palmed over his face and sucked in a deep breath. “There were already sirens heading our way, so we left the baby on the front lawn and booked it out of there. As soon as we hit the car, Dad started tearing a strip off me, and—well—it just went downhill from there. And here we are.”

“He literally kicked you out?”

“When we got back to the motel, he made me pack my shit and leave. I don’t—I guess I wait until he calls me. He’ll calm down eventually, he always does, but this time… it was the demon, Cas, and I fucked everything up and…”

“Dean, you can’t put all that on yourself.” Cas told him quietly, still squeezing his leg gently, “you’re human. You know how people say there are two danger responses, fight or flight? Well, there are actually three: fight, flight or freeze. This demon you’ve been Hunting for your whole life is like… the Big Bad, the top of the food chain, right? And have you ever actually come face-to-face with it before?”

Dean shifted slightly. “No. We always get close but miss it by a hair.”

“Okay, so you came up against the Alpha Predator for the first time and your body, your brain, instinctively chose the freeze response.” Cas reasoned, “which, admittedly, isn’t ideal, but think about your whole Hunting career so far, has it ever happened before?”

A short nod. “A few times, when I was younger.”

Cas smiled softly and when Dean turned to look at him properly, he leaned to bump his forehead into the older man’s. “Listen, most people would go up against a—a wendigo or a black dog or—or a ghost and absolutely lose their shit. It’s normal to be scared sometimes, especially in your line of work. You just—you learn from it, and you do better next time, right? It’s terrible that those people died, but you can’t blame yourself for being human, Dean. Even if your Dad apparently does.”

Dean closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads tighter together for a moment before easing back again, returning his gaze to his coffee. “This is why I called you.” He told Cas, “because when I get wound up, you bring me down. And when I get broken down, you build me back up.”

“I try to, anyway.” Cas agreed. “Do you feel better now, even a little bit?”

A huffed sigh and Dean nodded, “yeah. I’ll be okay. Just gotta wait for Dad to call me back in, I guess. For now, I’ll stay here. You sure you can’t just… stay indefinitely?”

Cas laughed at that and returned to his coffee, taking another drink. “I have to take off classes and work for our little vacations together. I don’t think it’d fly if I called the university or the Gas-n-Sip and told them I wasn’t coming back ‘indefinitely’. But especially work, my manager is not an easygoing person. I’m surprised she lets me take these days off in the first place. She really rides me.”

Dean offered a little, but genuine, smile at that and joked, “maybe she has a thing for you.”

Cas paused halfway to another drink of coffee, stared off into the middle-distance for a long moment, then gave a little shudder and shook his head emphatically. “I choose not to think about that possibility.”

“Dude, you’re young, you’re virile, you’re super attractive. That ticks off all the boxes!” Dean gave an actual laugh, “I’m just saying, if you want to sleep your way up the ladder, do it now while you’re in your prime and hot!”

“Dean.” Dean continued snickering to himself while Cas leveled him with a flat look. “Dean, are you telling me to go out and have sex with other people because I was under the impression we were pretty exclusive.”

Dean just grabbed at the front of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. “We are absolutely exclusive,” He murmured against Cas’s lips, and Cas smiled despite himself, “no one else for me but you.”

“Same.” Cas agreed and kissed him again with a grin.

-- --

They spent the rest of the day in the motel room, just spending time together, doing a lot of cuddling, watching TV, talking about anything and everything, and of course having sex—with Dean on top, the way they usually did it, though when they were done and had caught their breath, they had a surprisingly in-depth conversation about the differences between topping and bottoming. It was only mildly embarrassing at times.

And Dean really did seem to be feeling better about things. He was acting more like himself, though there was still a hint of that shadow behind the green of his eyes—but it was fading more and more the longer Cas was with him. He was laughing and joking again and wasn’t positively despondent anymore. It was good.

That night they ordered burgers for delivery, though Cas gave a token complaint because always with the burgers and Dean promised they could get something else the following night. Dean’s love affair with burgers was nearly as strong as his love affair with pie, and Cas was starting to see why Sam had been so sick of them after years on the road with Dean and his dad. Sometimes Cas thought Dean would happily live on burgers and pie alone.

Well, maybe burgers and pie and Cas.

When they went to bed that night, though, they both climbed in and got under the covers—and Dean arranged them so that he was the one cuddled into Cas’s side, rather than the other way around. Cas just hummed out a soft, affectionate sound and wrapped his arms around the older man, even as Dean reached over his shoulder to turn off the lamp. If Dean needed that little bit of extra comfort, still, Cas wasn’t going to deny it to him.

The night passed uneventfully, and the next morning Cas woke up with Dean spooned against his back, one arm slung over his waist. They had shifted back to normal overnight. Cas sighed softly and pressed himself back against Dean, enjoying the rise and fall of his chest, his warm breath against the back of his neck. Cas stayed like that, just enjoying the moment, the closeness, for a while, until he finally had to carefully extract himself and head through to the bathroom.

By the time he was finished in there and came back out, Dean was sitting up on the side of the bed, yawning hugely and rubbing at his hair. Cas wandered over to leaned down to press a kiss against the crown of his head, lips quirking into a smile when Dean hummed a pleased noise in response. “Good morning.”

“…is it morning? What time…?” Dean muttered around another yawn.

Cas glanced at the clock. “Almost noon but technically still morning.” He informed his boyfriend, even as he lowered himself to sit beside Dean on the edge of the bed. “Do you still want to go to the house today?”

“Ask me again after coffee.” Dean told him, ducking in to kiss by Cas’s jaw. “Shower, clothes, coffee, food. Then we talk about plants for the day.”

A chuckle and Cas just stood again, then reached to take hold of Dean’s hand and tugged him up off the bed, turning to head for the bathroom once more. Certainly, the two of them always took longer when they showered together, but hey, maybe this time they would be able to keep their hands to themselves. Cas seriously doubted it, but stranger things had happened, right?

“This is gonna be one of those forty-five-minute showers, isn’t it?” Dean asked with a little smirk.

“Not necessarily.” Cas replied with a shrug.

Nearly forty minutes later they had run out of hot water but were both extremely satisfied with how the morning was going so far. They climbed out of the chilly shower pleased, relaxed, and sporting goosebumps from the last minute or two of cleaning up. They both dried off quickly, then hurried through to the main room where they pulled on their clothes and finally started to warm up again. Cas made a mental note not to draw out the blowjob quite so long next time, considering the constraints of the water heater. Dean was privately making a similar promise, while simultaneously making a completely contradictory vow to take the lube with them next time so they could have real shower sex.

Being clean, dry and dressed, next came the acquisition of food and coffee. For that they went to a diner down the street (apparently it had been recommended to Dean when he checked in) where they took over a booth along the back wall and were very swiftly served up with two mugs of pretty decent coffee. Dean started drinking right away, but Cas of course doctored his with cream and sugar before taking his first sip.

It turned out to be an all-day-breakfast kind of joint, and Dean ordered the whole shebang: pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns, sausage, bacon and toast. Also, another cup of coffee. Cas was amazed, once again, that he could put away so much food all at once. As for himself, he ordered an omelette with a side of toast—a reasonable breakfast. Dean practically booed him. Cas just laughed.

The coffee was decent but the food, when it arrived, was excellent. They both ate with enthusiasm—Dean more so than Cas, as usual—and Cas actually called the waitress back over to somewhat sheepishly order a side of bacon when he saw how good Dean’s looked. He would have just stolen a piece from his boyfriend, but he rather liked his fingers intact, as a point of fact.

When they were finished eating—and Dean finished every last bite of his positively enormous meal, thank you very much—Dean paid the tab and left a hefty tip, and the two of them made their exit back out the door.

They walked together, after that, just side by side down the streets and roads of Lawrence, sometimes in silence and sometimes talking quietly between themselves about anything—everything. It was always like that between them, warm and easy. Or, at least, almost always. They did have their occasional difficult moments, of course.

When they turned a corner and Dean suddenly grabbed for his hand, Cas knew they were on the same street that his childhood house stood on. He just threaded their fingers together and squeezed gently, reassuring, and even though his steps faltered slightly, Dean kept on walking.

Dean tugged him to a stop when they got to the right house and both of them turned to face it. Dean’s hand tightened in Cas’s, and he took a slightly shaky breath. “I haven’t been back here since… you know. That night. Whenever Dad brought us into Lawrence, he made us stay in the motel.”

Cas looked at the house in front of them and thought it seemed totally ordinary. It was nice, the way it was now. Rebuilt after the fire. “You told me once you carried Sam out of the house that night, do you remember anything else?”

“Just… Dad yelling, and the fire.” Dean told him solemnly, “the flames were so damned hot. I wasn’t even really close to them, and I could still feel them. Fire burns so bright, and so hot. That’s why I told you, way back when… I don’t have nightmares all the time like you do, but when I do have them, they’re usually of fire. I can’t seem to get it out of my head.”

Cas just took a little step over to be closer against Dean’s side and squeezed his hand again. “I’m sorry.”

Dean just hummed dismissively, eyes still on the house. His childhood memories were vague, he’d been very young when he’d lived there, but he could tell it was different, in subtle ways. The size of the front windows. The color of the front door. The fabric of the curtains inside the living room. The cutting back of the tree in the front yard. Just little things that kind of skewed his memory, blurred it even more in a way.

And then it started raining.

Cas and Dean both looked up at the sky almost blankly because they still had to walk all the way back to the motel, damnit.

But then another voice piped up from beside Dean with, “I just knew I was going to need this today!”

Both men’s heads swivelled. A pleasant looking African American woman was standing next to them, holding an umbrella over her head—and holding another umbrella out in their direction with a friendly smile.

“Uh.” Cas said articulately, even as Dean just reached out to take the offered umbrella—black with little silver stars—almost on autopilot, a suspicious look on his face the entire time. The woman watched him open it up and hold it over them (but mostly over Cas), looking pleased. Cas glanced up at the umbrella over him and then back at the woman. “Thanks.”

“Oooh, honey,” She drawled as she looked at Cas, her eyes narrowing into a squint, “you do shine brightly, don’t you?”

“I—” Cas began.

But Dean interrupted with, “I’m sorry, do we know you?”

“Don’t be rude, Dean Winchester.” She gave him a little verbal slap and then returned her attention to Cas, even as she continued to address Dean; “but no, you don’t know me. Not yet anyway. I know your father, though. He and I go way back. You can call me Missouri.”

Dean’s mouth opened and closed a few times and then he managed to ask, “you know my Dad?”

“I do indeed.” Missouri agreed, then turned to face the house with a little smile. “I keep an eye on this place for him, look in on it from time to time. Today I just knew I had to stop by, and now I see why.” She glanced at them again, then smacked a hand into Dean’s arm and added, “Dean, introduce me to your boyfriend, already.”

Dean jumped slightly and looked sideways at Cas, then back at Missouri. “Uh… this is Cas.”

Cas leaned around Dean to wave his free hand slightly. “Hello.”

“Cas… Castiel.” Missouri said his whole name without even having been told it, and squinted slightly again before blinking as if she were coming to a sudden realization. Her eyes flickered up to the space above Cas’s head just briefly, then she flashed another smile. “Oh, dear, I must remember not to look too deeply with you, musn’t I?” Then she addressed Dean again with, “you’ve got a good one, here, boy. Hold onto him as long as you can.”

“I plan to.” Dean informed her, still obviously uncomfortable with the conversation.

Cas just looked up above his own head, but all he saw was empty air and the umbrella. Missouri gave him an almost fond look. “You absolute dear, you don’t even know, do you?”

“Know what?” Cas asked.

Dean looked at her with curiosity that bordered on suspicion.

But Missouri just shook her head and turned her attention back to the house. “Never you mind, boys. It’s nothing important. You go on your way, now. There’s nothing here but ghosts and memories. And you take care of each other, you hear me? Have faith. It’ll be important.”

Then she turned around and disappeared down the street, leaving them to stare after her, the rain still pouring all around them. She didn’t even take back her umbrella.

“She was a psychic, right?” Cas asked after a moment.

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean responded with a shake of his head. He still didn’t particularly trust most “psychics” and doubted that he ever would. Missouri had felt… different, though. “I’m pretty sure she was a psychic.”

-- --

The meandering walk back to the motel was a lot soggier than the walk to the house had been originally, but they did have the umbrella Missouri had left them with, so they just squeezed together to fit under it, and it kept them relatively dry. Relatively being the key word. When they walked in the door of their motel room they still immediately set to getting changed into dry clothes.

“I guess we co-own an umbrella now,” Dean commented once they were changed. He turned on the clock radio for some music and came up behind Cas, wrapping his arms around the younger man’s waist. “What should we name it?”

Cas laughed and leaned back into him—but when Dean nuzzled into his neck, he flapped his hands and reached up to push him away, laughing, “off. You’re way too stubbly for that right now. You need to shave.”

Dean grinned and rubbed his jaw along Cas’s cheek anyway. “Are you gonna say no sex until I shave? Is that where this is going?”

“Basically,” Cas laughed again and squirmed around in Dean’s arms so he could plant his hands against the older man’s chest and push him back. Then he pointed toward the bathroom. “Go.”

Chortling to himself, Dean held his hands up in a placating manner and backed away a couple of steps, then moved closer again to duck in for a quick kiss before crossing the room and digging through his duffle bag for his shaving kit. Once he had it in hand, he headed for the bathroom, leaving Cas to entertain himself while he shaved.

“You know,” Dean called out from the bathroom a minute later as he worked on getting the shaving cream lathered up and applied, “when I was first learning how to shave, my Dad taught me three ways: regular razor, straight razor, and hunting knife.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Cas wandered over to stand in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe and watching Dean work with a little smile on his face. This wasn’t the first time he’d watched Dean shave, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“It’s funny,” Dean glanced at him in the mirror briefly before picking up his razor and getting to work, “in all the time we’ve been together I’ve only seen you shave a couple of times.”

“Mine doesn’t grow in as fast as yours.” Cas shrugged, “and I get right on it as soon as it gets past where it is now, it gets really scruffy and scraggly. Not very good looking.”

“C’mon, I’m sure you could work it.” The older man teased.

Cas just rolled his eyes and, when Dean was finished, stepped over to pick up the towel. “Look at me.” And when Dean turned to face him, Cas quickly wiped up the last bits of shaving cream with a smile, then reached to run a hand down one of Dean’s cheeks. “Much better.”

Dean tipped his head to kiss against Cas’s palm before turning back around and setting about actually washing the shaving cream residue off his face, then drying himself off with a clean towel and rinsing his razor clean. He tucked everything back into his shaving kit even as Cas tossed the dirty towel over the side of the sink and headed back out into the main room.

The clock radio was still playing, the same classic rock station Dean had picked out earlier, and Cas made his way over to grab a bottle of water out of the mini fridge before leaning back against the counter and opening it, taking a sip. When Dean emerged from the bathroom, fresh shaven but somehow still sporting a little bit of stubble, Cas gave him a fond look.

Coming across to where Cas was standing, Dean stopped in front of him and leaned his hands on the counter on either side of the younger man—then leaned in for a kiss. Cas smiled and kissed back with a pleased hum. “Mmm, you smell nice.”

“It’s just the shaving cream, nothing special.” Dean murmured against Cas’s lips and went in for another kiss—then paused when the song on the radio ended and a new one started. Cas barely noticed, but Dean shifted back a little and took the bottle of water from his grasp, setting it on the counter. He took one of Cas’s hands and tugged him toward the center of the room. “C’mere…”

Cas looked at him, tilting his head curiously. “Dean?”

“Listen. Do you know this song at all?” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist and Cas automatically lifted his own to slide over Dean’s shoulders and around his neck. Dean smiled softly and leaned their foreheads together lightly, then began roughly singing along with the music: “don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for. You know it’s true. Everything I do, I do it for you… for you…”

When Cas felt himself being rocked back and forth on his feet, just slightly, he suddenly realized what was going on. “Dean, are we dancing right now?” He asked quietly, incredulous. He actually had to take a second because this was probably the last thing he would ever have expected from his boyfriend.

“Just shut up and move your feet.” Dean instructed. “Have you danced with someone before?”

“I—yeah, once, in sixth grade. The teacher made the girl dance with me, and it was obvious. It was humiliating.” Cas muttered, looking down at his own feet, trying to get them to move in some sort of proper order. He was kind of just shuffling instead. He frowned at his own incompetence. “Dean, I—I don’t know how to—”

“Relax. Breathe.” Dean murmured with a smile, “you obviously weren’t thrilled with dancing with that girl, but this is me. You know I won’t care if you’re awkward. That girl in elementary school didn’t count, okay? And I’m not her. I want to dance with you.” He tightened his arms around Cas just slightly before adding, “all you have to do is kind of… step back and forth in time with the music. Just move with me.”

“Usually when you say that we’re about to have sex.” Cas complained, but licked his lips absently and carefully eased his steps into a relatively decent rhythm with Dean’s. The song continued to play, and from what he was hearing it was nice. Finally, Cas hesitated before leaning his head down on Dean’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d like a song like this.” He admitted.

“Mmm…” The older man hummed out a pleased sound when Cas’s head came down on his shoulder, and he continued the slow dance they were sharing, closing his eyes to listen to the music and feel Cas in his arms. “Power ballads are okay occasionally and Bryan Adams is allowed sometimes. Everything I Do is iconic, and the lyrics…” Trailing off a little, he sighed softly and finished; “they make me think of you. Of us.”

“Did you pick a song for us without even consulting me?” Cas joked softly.

Dean laughed, just a quiet rumble from his chest. “Maybe.”

Cas didn’t really mind. It was a nice song and from the few lyrics he had managed to pick up on, Dean was probably right. It fit them. Cas privately thought he would look up the song online later. “I’m not even mad.” He admitted, “I just never thought about us having a song, that’s all.”

Dean didn’t reply to that, just falling silent as they continued to dance in a slow circle in the middle of the room. Cas finally closed his own eyes and, while keeping one arm wrapped around Dean’s neck, brought the other hand down to rest against his chest, feeling out his boyfriend’s heartbeat as the music continued.

It was… pleasant, once he relaxed into it. Warm and affectionate, a new kind of intimacy. A little smile tugged at Cas’s lips, and he pressed a gentle kiss against the side of Dean’s neck, making Dean hum out another happy noise. This was nothing like the awkward dance he had been forced to share with that unhappy girl back in sixth grade. This was… love, encompassed by a single action. He almost wished it wouldn’t end.

Unfortunately, the song was only about six minutes long and was followed by a much harsher, jarring one. Dean gently slowed them to a stop but kept his arms around Cas—and tilted his head to kiss by the younger man’s temple. “Do you know how much I love you?” He asked, then answered his own question with, “because it’s more than life itself.”

Cas moved his hand from Dean’s chest and wrapped his arm back around his neck with a sigh. After a moment he lifted his head up and leaned in to kiss Dean gently. “You know I love you, too, Dean. More than anything.”

Another kiss, and then he shifted back to take hold of one of Dean’s hands and tug the other man over to climb into the bed, reaching to turn the radio off on the way past. Once they were both settled down on the mattress, Cas tucked neatly into Dean’s side and Dean’s arm around his waist, Cas returned his head to Dean’s shoulder and let one hand come up to play with Dean’s pendant almost absently.

They were both feeling relaxed, loved and closer than ever in the little bubble they had temporarily established for themselves.

“So how was your first dance?” Dean asked after a few minutes of companionable silence, “since that shitty one in grade school didn’t count.”

A smile tugged at Cas’s lips, and he buried his face in Dean’s shoulder, pressing a kiss there, then replied, muffled by Dean’s shirt, “it was really nice. Thank you.” Then he turned his head to rest on Dean’s shoulder properly again and wondered, “where did you learn to dance?”

“TV, mostly.” Dean admitted with a grin. “I never really went to school dances; they weren’t my kind of thing.”

“You would have been popular at them, though. You are unreasonably attractive.”

“I think you’re biased.”

“I think you’re trying to be humble, but don’t. Because you are. Unreasonably attractive, I mean.”

“Hate to break it to you, Cas, but so are you.”

“I’m what now?” Cas laughed and swatted at Dean lightly. “Don’t even joke.”

Dean just smiled up at the ceiling. “I’m not. You’re freaking hot. You are not the one who got lucky in this relationship, I am.”

Cas was quiet for a minute, then lifted his head to look down at Dean properly. “You… actually mean that, don’t you?”

Even after years of being in a relationship with Dean, Cas had trouble thinking of them as equals. He still saw himself as awkward and weird, no matter what Dean tried to tell him. He secretly thought Dean was kind of slumming it with him, if he was honest, even though he’d been told time and again that he was beautiful, amazing, something precious to be treasured.

Now, Dean sighed and let one hand come up to thread his fingers into Cas’s hair gently, then tugged him down for a kiss, long and lingering. When they parted, he just asked softly, “why don’t you ever believe me?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just…” Cas leaned into the hand in his hair and closed his eyes with a soft little sound. He had never had the best self esteem, and while being with Dean had certainly helped with that, helped build him up, it hadn’t cured it entirely. “I just don’t see myself like you see me, I guess. That’s all.”

“Cas,” Dean tugged at his hair lightly to get him to look at him, and when blue eyes opened again and flitted to meet Dean’s, the older man gave him a little smile. “I am not the reason people look at us when we go out together. It’s gorgeous, gorgeous you they’re looking at.”

“To be fair I think they’re probably looking at you, too.” Cas managed after a moment.

“So, they’re looking at both of us. But at least half of that is because of you.” His tone was sincere, and Dean continued stroking through Cas’s hair reassuringly. “You have… amazing bone structure. And downright gorgeous eyes. A beautiful smile. Your skin is perfect. And your hair is so, so soft and touchable. It looks soft and touchable, too.” There he paused before grinning and asking, “do I need to start talking about your body?”

Cas flushed red slightly and shook his head. “No, I, ah… get the idea.”

Dean tugged him down for a kiss. “So, just accept the fact that you are a freaking phenomenally beautiful person and lets’ move on.”

“Move on to what?”

“Well,” Dean grinned up at him, “you said no sex until I shaved. And I shaved.”

Cas blinked down at him—and then began to laugh softly. He leaned down to kiss Dean again. “Don’t look so excited, it would make saying no like kicking a puppy.”

“Don’t be that guy, Cas. Don’t kick the puppy.”

Another snort of laughter, but Cas shifted around, sitting up properly and swinging one leg over Dean to settle straddling the older man’s hips. He braced his hands against Dean’s abdomen, fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt a little and leaned down for another kiss. After a moment he murmured against Dean’s lips; “I would never kick a freshly shaven puppy.”

Dean laughed, head falling back and entire body shaking with it, and this time it was Cas’s turn to grin. Actually grin—hugely. Then he eased his hands under the edge of Dean’s shirt and pushed it upward. “No, no, come on, no laughing right now, be serious, we’re going to do this. Take this off.”

Dean just kept chortling, but leaned up to pull his t-shirt off, discarding it to the side. Cas continued to smile widely and ran his hands up from Dean’s abdomen to his chest, feeling out his warm skin and muscle. He sighed deeply, eyes going half-lidded and licking his lips. “And you think I’m the beautiful one? You’re a freaking adonis. I thank whatever fates aligned to put us together every day. I am so grateful that I get to be with you…”

“Cas…” Dean reached up to grasp at the side of Cas’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss, hard and deep, and when he eased back it was only by an inch to murmur, “take your clothes off.”

He didn’t believe in fate—not the way Cas did. He didn’t think things were pre-written for them, for anyone, he believed they made their own way in life. What he did believe in was this—what he had with Cas, what had grown between them in what seemed like an instant, so long ago, and continued to this day. He put his faith in Cas, in their relationship—in their love—and he didn’t think he would ever look back from that.

He definitely didn’t want to, at the very least.

Now, Dean watched Cas straighten back up and pull his own shirt over his head, tossing it to the side—and then the two of them were kissing again, hot and wanting. And it was probably unfair of him, to keep Cas all to himself, to hoard him like gold, but he couldn’t help it, not when they came together so perfectly, fit like puzzle pieces, were so obviously made for each other.

After a moment, Cas broke off, giving Dean one more, brief kiss, to start trailing kisses downward, along his neck and over his chest, against the ridges of his abdomen to nip just under Dean’s navel, making him twitch, and shuffling himself down in the process. When he’d gotten as far as he could go, he sat back up and worked open the button and zip of Dean’s pants, then lifted up onto his knees to tug them down a little, just enough to free the older man’s flagging cock.

Then a soft hum and Cas eased to the side on the bed and ducked down to suck Dean’s cock into his mouth, loving the feel of him hardening up the rest of the way against his tongue. He sighed and closed his eyes, beginning to bob his head slowly, an easy, casual blowjob that Dean normally would have enjoyed immensely, however—

This time, after a few moments of his breath becoming heavier and heavier, Dean reached down with one hand to thread his fingers into Cas’s hair and gently tugged him up and off his cock. Cas came willingly, licking his lips as he looked up at him and made a quiet questioning noise.

“I want you, not just your mouth.” Dean explained with a sigh.

Cas smiled at that and crawled up to give him a proper kiss again, his tongue tasting of salty precome. “So, take your pants off, then.” And then he proceeded to ease away and take his own advice, climbing off the bed long enough to get out of his jeans and boxers—and also to grab the lube from the bedside table while he was at it.

Dean just focused on getting himself the rest of the way out of his own jeans, kicking them away, followed by his boxers, before reaching one hand out for Cas, who took it and climbed back onto the bed with him—then stumbled slightly and half-fell on top of him. Cas muttered a quiet apology, but Dean just laughed and pulled him into another kiss, even as Cas slid into his lap, straddling his hips again, and pushed the lube into his hand.

Swallowing slightly, Cas adjusted himself while Dean opened the tube of lubricant and squirted some out, slicking up his fingers before capping it again and dropping it off to the side. Then he reached around Cas’s side and down to start easing his fingers into the younger man, who just buried his face in Dean’s neck in an attempt to muffle himself a little bit.

The first finger hardly felt like anything anymore, and Cas took a couple of deep breaths while Dean worked it into him, in and out gently, before offering softly, “I’ve… tried this on myself before, you know. A couple times.”

Dean actually paused at that, and even though Cas wasn’t looking at him, he could see the kind of blankly surprised look on his face. “I’m sorry, you what?”

“Keep going.” Cas urged, shifting his hips, and Dean finally started moving his hand again, carefully introducing the second finger—and smiling a little when that made Cas gasp. “I—ah—sometimes I miss this so much, especially when we’re… a-ah… apart for a long time, and I just… a couple of times I’ve gotten desperate and—”

Dean shoved his fingers deep at that point, right up against his sweet spot, and Cas broke off to muffle a cry against the other man’s skin. Dean rubbed the pads of his fingers over Cas’s prostate for a long moment before easing off and going back to stretching him out. “Christ, Cas… I would pay to see you do that.”

Cas just shook his head, hips pushing down against Dean’s hand as he gently pushed the third finger in, a stinging burn as he stretched out farther. “S’not the same.” He panted, hands grabbing at Dean’s shoulder, kneading there restlessly, “can’t reach as deep, doesn’t feel as—a-ah!—good…! A poor, mmh, poor substitute at best…”

“Still sounds hot.” Dean told him, and Cas could hear him grin, even as he was easing his fingers out and sliding his slick hand down Cas’s thigh. “Your turn now, Cas…”

Nodding against his neck, Cas pushed himself up, licking his lips absently, and shuffled around until he was in the right position, then reached down to grip Dean’s cock and hold it steady as he slowly sank down over it, plunging deep and taking the other man into himself in one smooth motion. His back arched and his head fell back slightly, a sharp cry in his throat. Cas bit his lip to muffle it, then gasped out, “oh, God, Dean… yes…!”

“Not that I ever thought you were,” Dean told him around a barely-swallowed moan, his own head back and his breath coming faster, his hands moving restlessly as he tried to resist the urge to thrust up into Cas’s perfect, silky heat, to give him a minute to adjust, “but you are not the gawky, awkward high school kid you thought you were anymore, Cas…!”

Cas could only whine softly at the compliment, licking his lips as he began shifting his hips just slightly, so completely stuffed full he couldn’t even put it into words—had never been able to. Somehow there was comfort in the fact that Dean knew how it felt now, too, though.

“You’re amazing,” Dean continued on, hands sliding up Cas’s thighs and in toward his abdomen to feel the younger man’s stilted breath, then farther up to his chest; “you’re funny, you’re smart, you’re loving, you’re loyal, you’re incredible…” he trailed one hand, drifting up to tangle his fingers in Cas’s hair, tugging to get him to look at him, “you’re fucking hot.” He finished with a grin, then; “and the best part is you’re mine.”

“I… I like being yours…” Cas managed to gasp out, a touch embarrassed, followed by; “Dean, c-can we please… have this conversation… when you’re not… inside me…?”

But Dean just shook his head, “you don’t listen when I’m not—ah—inside you.” And then; “Cas, move…!”

A brief nod and Cas licked his lips before beginning to rock himself over his boyfriend, just slow, careful little rolls of his hips that moved Dean only the slightest bit in his body but gave them both some of the friction they were craving. Cas’s hands were down, kneading against Dean’s abdomen—and Dean had one hand tangled in Cas’s hair, the other grasping at his chest, thumb rubbing over a pert nipple before sliding back down to hold at his hip tightly.

Dean was hard as a rock inside him, and Cas was almost painfully hard himself, but he still drew things out, continuing his little, almost gentle rocks of his hips for a while until Dean grew frustrated and bucked up against him—at which point Cas gave a breathless laugh and accused, “impatient…!”

“Just because I want you…” Dean grumbled, but settled himself again, just pulling at Cas’s hair and tugging him down for a kiss.

The new position, leaning over Dean like that, made the older man’s cock grind right up against his prostate, and Cas gasped out an almost startled moan against Dean’s mouth. “Oh, God!” Then he shook his head, pressed one more kiss to Dean’s lips, and straightened again with a groan, going right back to what he had been doing.

When Dean swore under his breath and dragged the hand in Cas’s hair down to his hip, Cas swallowed thickly and managed, “just… just let me make love to you, Dean. Let me have this… slow and deep and not just—ah—screwing... let me feel you…”

And suddenly Dean understood. He watched Cas continued to move over him, now just the slightest bit harder, blue eyes closed—and abruptly grabbed at the younger man, pulling him down and kissing him hard, then tumbling them over so he was the one on top. Cas went down with a startled yelp but didn’t complain when Dean settled between his legs and his cock slid into him again, deep and firm and full.

Cas took a minute to catch his breath, then wrapped his arms around Dean and gave him a vaguely surprised look. “Wh…?”

His boyfriend smiled and ducked down for a kiss, bracing himself on one forearm and sliding his other hand down to nudge at one of Cas’s legs. “You wanted to make love, so we’re going to make love.” He told him softly. “Unless you were really set on being on top.”

Cas shook his head and when Dean leaned their foreheads together, he sighed deeply and smiled fondly, then just lifted his legs up to wrap them around Dean’s hips, ankles crossed just below the small of his back, and murmured, “make love me to me, Dean.”

This time it was Dean who started moving his hips, just shallowly and gently at first, carefully working his way up to deeper, more forceful thrusts—but nothing ever got hard. Nothing ever got rough. Cas arched and panted and moaned into it, head back and eyes closed until Dean drew him into another kiss, pressed their heads together so they could look into each other’s eyes as he continued to move.

Staring into Dean’s eyes when they made love just… laid Cas’s soul completely bare, opened up everything he was, he thought, left him nowhere to hide. The first time it had happened it had been a revelation. Now it was just reaffirmation of their love. Of the trust that existed between them. He saw many things in Dean’s eyes, too; beautiful things that he would never forget. Entire universes.

When Dean finally had to break eye contact and duck to bury his face in Cas’s neck, Cas slid one hand up to thread his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair gently and began rolling his own hips to meet Dean’s thrusts, slow, deep and hot.

And this was exactly what he’d wanted. Why hadn’t he just started out like this to begin with? Then again, they had made love with Cas on top before, so there was no reason to think that it wouldn’t work out. This was better, this time, though… so much better.

Dean shifted slightly, bracing his knees to push his cock deeper into Cas’s body and Cas was left to arch into it with a gasp, his own head falling back against the pillows, hair mussing there, eyes closed again as he panted for air, the hand in Dean’s hair twisting and tugging at the soft strands along with their movements. His other hand, meanwhile, was holding against Dean’s back, by his shoulder, fingers digging in sharply. He had been known to leave marks in the past—and Dean was usually pleased when he did.

Now Cas tightened his legs around Dean, spurring Dean on to increase his pace, moving faster and a little harder but with just as much feeling behind it, fucking into Cas until both of them could do nothing but pant and moan loudly, Dean beginning to trail messy kisses along Cas’s neck and shoulder and Cas eventually dragging his nails down Dean’s back, leaving sharp pink tracks in their wake, to let his hand come to rest at the small of the older man’s back.

Hissing softly at the scratches, Dean gave a breathless chuckle and accused, “tease.”

“Not… teasing…” Cas panted out, loving the feeling of Dean moving inside him—of his muscles shifting and bunching under his palm. “Just feels… oh, God… so damn good…!”

Dean grunted out an agreement and just ducked his head against Cas’s shoulder again, burying his face as he began to move faster, harder, working them up to the edge, finally. Cas threw his head back, panting out a cry as Dean worked him over—and it always ended up this way. The last few minutes were almost always fierce despite their initial intentions—but definitely not in a bad way.

Now Dean just fucked into Cas hard and deep, aiming to purposefully jam against his sweet spot as much as possible, and Cas wailed, clinging to Dean for all he was worth, frantically trying to work his own hips to keep up with the other man. He didn’t last for much longer, his orgasm crashing over him only a few moments later, leaving Cas to gasp out another sharp cry and arch against Dean, coming hard between them.

Dean was next, taking a few more, hard thrusts that made Cas whimper before coming deep inside Cas—and there was something deeply satisfying about that every single time. Dean was still for a long minute before collapsing on top of Cas, panting against his shoulder with a grin. “…awesome.”

“So… so you keep saying.” Cas gave a breathless laugh, head back and eyes closed, and smoothed his hand up Dean’s back, fingers trailing along the new scratches lightly, making Dean hiss in a breath again. “Sorry about the, ah… scratches.”

“Mmm… don’t be… you know I like it when you do that.” Dean hummed and nuzzled into Cas’s neck warmly. “I love you, Cas.”

Cas’s lips quirked into a little fond smile, and he opened his eyes, lifting his head from the pillows to glance down at Dean. “I love you, too.”

After a couple minutes of catching their breath, Cas kicked Dean off of him and they cuddled up together, sweaty and sticky and otherwise dirty, definitely in need of a shower. But later. For now, they were just enjoying the afterglow. It was always nice when they got to do that.

That night, after they got cleaned up, they went back to the diner for dinner. Dean ordered a burger and Cas got pasta, and it was just as good as breakfast had been. Cas watched Dean eat quietly, privately pleased that the other man seemed good again, after the day before, and visiting his childhood house earlier. He had been worried about that; about the effect it would have on Dean. But Dean seemed perfectly happy with his burger and fries and just spending time with Cas like regular people, the beginning of their weekend now just a memory.

When they finished eating, they went back to the motel again—and spent the rest of the weekend, until Cas had to leave on Monday, locked up in the room together, just reassuring each other that everything was alright. Would always be alright. With them, anyway.

On Monday morning Cas woke up early. He always woke up early on the days he was leaving from their weekend meetups, like his body was trying to remind him that he only had so much time left. He rolled over in bed and tucked himself into Dean’s side, and Dean curled around him, wrapping him up in his arms, protective, somehow, even in his sleep. It made Cas smile to himself in the darkness of the room.

When Dean woke up some time later, when the sun was finally starting to properly rise, Cas was caught watching him sleep and could only give a sheepish smile. “Hey… good morning.”

Dean stretched and settled on his back with an arm around Cas and an amused smile on his face, “am I really that interesting?”

“You are.” Cas slid one arm over Dean’s chest and leaned his head down on his shoulder. “To me, anyway.” He hesitated before saying just softly, “I have to leave today, Dean.”

Dean’s smile faded at that. “I know. I hate these days.”

“Me too.” Cas agreed, tightening his arm over Dean. “This sucks.”

“It always sucks, Cas.”

“I know, but…” Cas adjusted his hold on Dean, bringing one hand up to trace his fingers against his chest absently. “I just think it would be nice, sometimes. If we could be together all the time.” Then he added quickly, “I know we can’t! You can’t quit Hunting and I can’t exactly go on the road with you, your Dad would commit murder… but I mean…”

“I hear you.” Dean chuckled, “there’s times when a normal, run-of-the-mill life with you sounds really good. But with the way things are… it’s just not possible. So, we’ve gotta just make the best of it, right? These weekends aren’t so bad. They’re like our own private little world, but all over the place. Like we own the whole country.”

“Sort of.” Cas admitted with a little smile. That was a nice way of looking at it. He lifted his head and leaned up to give Dean a soft kiss. “Thank you for trying to cheer me up.”

“A sad Castiel is no good.” Dean said against his lips with a smile of his own, “so hey, what do you want to do this morning, before we have to go to the bus station?”

They ended up taking a shower together and making love under the running water, and even managed to avoid running out of hot water in the process. Then they went back to the diner down the street for breakfast, where Dean once again stuffed himself silly and Cas watched him with an amused smile the entire time.

By the time they finished eating and got back to the motel, Cas had to pack up his things so they could head for the bus station, and he did so with marked reluctance. Once everything was packed and ready to go, Dean pulled Cas into his arms and held him close for a long, few minutes until they simply couldn’t put it off any longer, at which point they left the motel again and headed downtown.

Goodbyes at the bus station were long and lingering and sad on both sides, but particularly for Cas. These partings were always hard on him—or, at least, he showed it more easily than Dean did, anyway. They stood together at the bus terminal, waiting for his boarding call, facing each other, foreheads pressed together and holding hands, Cas’s backpack at their feet, and completely ignoring anyone and everyone around them—until it was time for Cas to leave.

Cas’s automatic response was to grip tighter to Dean’s hands, but Dean gently eased away, murmuring a soft apology—and that he loved him. Cas just wanted to cry. He always wanted to cry in these moments. But eventually, after another boarding call, Cas had to release his grip on Dean and pick up his backpack to board the bus.

The last thing Dean did before Cas climbed onto the bus was lean in for one last kiss and whisper softly into his ear, “everything I do, I do it for you.”

Cas carried that with him all the way home.

Look into your heart you will find There's nothin' there to hide Take me as I am, take my life I would give it all, I would sacrifice Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more You know it's true Everything I do, I do it for you, yeah -“(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams

THE END

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #destiel #destiel fanfiction #spn #spn fic #shut up sena #sena writes #everything i do by senashenta

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muthaz-rapapa · 1 year ago

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Hirogaru Sky Final Impressions (5/5)

Honestly, what were they going to do with those two weeks after 48 episodes? Have us wait until WonPre's broadcast? Yea right, lol

So the 20th installment of Precure is now officially finished and it feels both great and a little bit sad to say that since the bar has been readjusted quite high, we will probably need the 25th anniversary to get another season as awesome and well-written as HiroPre. [/harsh]

But that will be for something to worry about in the next five years.

So first, that finale!

Pretty much 5(ish) of the 6 last episodes was a whole arc dedicated to the most engaging lore Precure has ever given us to date.

Cure Noble is definitely entering the league of legacy Cures and perhaps as the one with the best story as well. How she went from princess-sovereign to becoming the very first Precure (in this universe, anyways) to helping pave a way for peace with her nemesis to laying out the foundation for the Cures who will succeed her in the future.

Yeap, Ellee-chan may have gotten a nice age-up bonus so that we can see her embrace her destiny and actually converse in something other than baby talk.

But it's more accurate to say that Ellee-chan/Cure Majesty's character arc is really Princess Elleelain/Cure Noble's instead.

Which is totally fine with me. Not only was Elleelain super interesting as a hero/protagonist in her own era but Kaiserin was...dear god.

Dear god, when have we gotten a twist that was this good and this dark by the series' standards? I felt we haven't touched this level of grim writing since Heartcatch and that was my first Precure season ever.

But seriously, it's impossible not to sympathize with Kaiserin and appreciate how much she contributed to the plot as well as this season's message that power is not what makes a hero, but the strength of one's heart that does.

Even her traitorous tutor, Skearhead, said she had what it took to become a hero (and maybe even Precure? oooh~), which just makes her fall into darkness more tragic.

But thankfully, she never lost her kindness and compassion, which was what ultimately allowed her to not only be saved but her wounds to finally heal after hundreds of years of suffering from the pain of betrayal Skearhead had inflicted on her.

And that her generals, who all turned over a new leaf, came back to the Undergu Empire to loyally serve her and make sure she isn't alone...

Good! This is so satisfying, I couldn't have asked for anything better! Kaiserin deserves her happiness after all she's been through!

But of course, that's not all because no Precure finale is complete without the last episodes dishing out the best combat scenes of the entire season and did it deliver, alright.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-HUH!

The animation was absolutely stellar and not so overdone that it'd look more gaudy than cool. coughDeliPaPrecough

Moreover, the teamwork is what really sold the animation. As it should because Precure is all about that team effort brought on by personal growth, not a one-man show.

I loved how Wing, representing wisdom, was the one everyone trusted to get that barrier back up because it is a mechanism that he researched and developed to help everyone. It proves that boys don't need to fit into a specific mold of masculinity or genius to be a hero because in the end, those things don't matter. It's being true to yourself, your beliefs and your dreams and what you choose to do with those abilities that counts.

I loved how Butterfly, who is physically the strongest in the group, always takes on the tougher tasks such as facing the army of tedious mooks to let those younger than her forge a path ahead. She never forgets her responsibility as an adult to protect the kids but she also encourages them to move forward because she fully believes in them like a good adult would.

I loved how Majesty comes to understand that though she's meant to inherit Cure Noble's will and power and position as Skyland's princess, it's not her destiny to inherit Elleelain's loneliness. And the whole reason that she started out as a baby but was able to grow and become Precure was because she was surrounded by the right people who brought out that potential in her. For Ellee-chan, being with her friends and fighting alongside them was the bigger, more important destiny than her duty was.

Finally, the star duo of the show.

Sky was given stronger MC vibes than the other cast members but you can't deny that she wouldn't have gotten this far without Prism by her side.

Sora's idea of what it means to be hero expanded a lot because she became friends with Mashiro.

She has come to treasure Mashiro so much that when she was on the brink of losing her best friend, she let Skearhead corrupt her in order to have enough power to save that best friend. She was willing to sacrifice herself for someone important to her, which in a way, can be seen as an act of heroism (but only as a last resort, plz do not attempt).

And even then, Sky kept resisting from being taken over. Prism didn't even flinch when Sky aimed a punch at her. That's how much Mashiro believes in Sora, in the hero that Sora is. That even if Sora accepted darkness into herself to do the right thing, she won't ever let that darkness consume her into doing the wrong thing.

And the fact that it was Prism who had the ability to not only purify Sky but also heal Kaiserin's centuries-old wound. She's come a long way herself from the girl who used to think she was talentless, who didn't believe she had anything special going for her.

"You are good as you are now, Mashiro-san."

What Sora said was true until the very end. Mashiro didn't ever need to change. She was already good enough and she was always going to become even better than how she started out because she was always being inspired and supported by those around her and challenging herself to do things she initially hesitated on doing.

Now she's continually drawing new stories, even winning an award for one. Even her Prism Shot evolved and multiplied as an attack and it's all because she learned to believe in herself because all her friends believed in her.

This is essentially what sets Precure apart from the others, what makes it the major name it is in modern day mahou shoujo.

I cannot begin to describe how glad I am that the staff at Toei reinforced those aspects of friendship as well as the celebration of individualism in a milestone year. But I can definitely say with confidence that we can expect to see more well into the franchise's 30th anniversary as long they don't forget these two very crucial things.

As for me, I think this will be the last time I blog Precure on a "regular" basis.

I'll still continue to watch cuz hey, there's no reason for me to stop yet.

(and all the more reason to not stop if Satoru and Daifuku become the next two male Cures in WonPre OMGI'MSOGONNAJINXTHISAREN'TIBWUAHAHAHAHA!!!)

But my priorities have shifted so I gotta tend to those foremost. And as much as I enjoy the show, I feel like I'm always saying the same stuff over and over again anyway, just in different variations of it.

(also, something about WonPre tells me the next four years will be filled with hit-or-miss seasons so meh, I'd rather just follow it leisurely than get too invested and then disappointed)

On another note, I do have some personal rankings that I'd like to post some day. I was going to do it for the 20th anniversary but didn't have time to cuz life got way too hectic and busy but yea, eventually I'll have them up.

Just for fun, y'know.

Ok, that is all.

Thank you, my hero girls and boy! You made this season so wonderful hahahaha, good luck, WonPre for me and I can't be grateful enough for it.

Thank you for a beautiful anniversary! Let's aim for the next!

25th year with 100+ Precure!

Let's gooooooooooooo!!!

#hirogaru sky precure #cure sky #cure prism #cure wing #cure butterfly #cure majesty

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halliescomut · 1 year ago

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My Personal Weatherman Ep 7- No Subs watch

Again a reminder, this is me reacting to the new episode of MPW that I get from an internet friend-y, but unfortunately (for me) they speak Japanese, but I do not, and the link they send has no subtitles, so I have no idea what anyone is saying. In fairness...I have been watching Japanese series for about 2 decades, so I can pick up on a couple words/phrases, but mostly my goal is to observe body language to kind of guess what the story is. It's a fun, silly little game. There may be moderate spoilers about sequences, though I try to keep things vague, and of course no dialogue spoilers. Let's go!

-Oooh! An on location segment for the weather. How exciting! (ALso I swear it looks like the location is just outside of Man-san's apartment building, and that's why they had the camera framed so close in.) And Yoh still watching Mizuki so closely.

-Oh, we have ARCs...is this actually a few weeks later, or is the BL manga publishing industry able to do a two day turn around?

-Man-san sounds very encouraging, at least.

-That is a clearly depressed and defeated Segasaki. Poor guy. Has still no one explained that Man-san's husband isn't after Yoh?? Really?

-Why is Yoh always so goddamn suspicious??? My god dude.

-I will say also, I don't love Mizuki's tone here, but I think that's me relating a bit too much to Yoh (since we're both on the same side of a D/s dynamic). I know I would be really upset to hear that distance in in Mizuki's voice if I were Yoh.

-Now we're getting the flashbacks from Mizuki's POV....interesting. I can't wait to know what he was thinking when he saw Yoh. His face is so precious.

-^^Literally all I could hear in my head at this scene: "Hands touch, eyes meet/Sudden silence, sudden heat/Hearts leap in a giddy whirl"

-Segasaki's college friends feel very much like friends of convenience. Like when you become best friends with a kid when you're 7, but it's mostly because you live in the same neighborhood.

-Aww, now we have Yoh in a cozy sweater.

-It is so sub of Yoh to just hand over his sketchbook without question, completely forgetting all of the portraits of Segasaki in there...and I REALLY wanna translate what Segasaki's response was, but I will wait.

-IDK what Segasaki is saying exactly, but I'd bet real folding money that's something pretty close to 'no matter what I couldn't stop thinking about him"

-The way Yoh came and grabbed him...what's going on??

-Aww, sick baby Mizuki. So cute. And the costuming makes them a matching set with their beige and blue. That's so cute.

-I just spent the last scene going like this, so....

-But now we have THE CURRY!!! The curry that made Segasaki finish falling in love with Yoh. I don't feel like curry is supposed to be that crunchy...but I could be wrong.

-His face, I'm dying.. And the little bonk on the head. Oh, if I wasn't already head over heels for these two dinguses, this would have been the last straw for me as well.

-Mizuki's love for petting Yoh is so fucking CUTE!!!!

-Yoh's smile as he draws Segasaki- so PRECIOUS!!!! (Sorry I keep yellling.)

-Poor Mizuki's face. 🥺🥺🥺 He really thought for a minute that Yoh left again.

-Dripping wet rain kiss!! We love it!!!

-Ooh...ooh....OOH!!!! God I really wanna translate Mizuki's little speech here, but I'm pretty sure the gist was 'you're mine, and I'm not letting you get away again". 🥵☺️😁🥰

This was an excellent episode. I mean the whole series has been, but this just....so good. I can't wait to understand more than 27% of it.

Finale next week (Booo!!!😠) but I will be happy to be able to watch the complete story over and over into forever. That'll be nice. Honestly this is the first BL I've every considered getting a physical copy of it's so good.

#My personal weatherman #Taikan yoho #mizuki x yoh #segasaki x yoh #segasaki mizuki #yoh tanada #mashiko atsuki #higuchi kouhei

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wanderlust-in-my-soul · 2 years ago

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My weekly roundup CW 12

Well, I watch a lot during the week, as you all might know. I really want to write a little bit more about the stuff I watch, but time and work kind of get in my creative way. So I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists and this is a good excuse for me to create a new OneNote journal!).

Jack o'Frost was on hiatus this week, so it didn't make it on this week's list.

↑ 1. Our Dating Sim (Episode 5+6)

Oh my God! What a development! Now they are a couple and I am in seventh heaven with them. Eddy takes every opportunity to show Ian that he really really likes him and at the end of the 5th episode he is rewarded and so are we, with one of the best k-bl kisses there is. And the sixth episode has been pure fluff, right up to the last minute. I enjoyed every second of it, Eddy trying to ask Ian out, playful Ian liking to torture Eddy a bit, them both holding hands, that incredibly sweet scene where Eddy teases Ian that he knows very well that Ian has been watching him all along when he had his eyes closed then tells him I'll close my eyes now, do what you want and Ian just kisses him, jealous Eddy and that cute scene on the roof…. All except that darn text message…I'm dreading the next episode. But incredibly strong two episodes this week. It was definitely my favorite watch this week!

↑ 2. Unintentional Love Story (Episodes 3+4)

Won Young, you are cute, but sometimes you can't get a hint! Tae Joon tries to tell you that he likes you, and as we've already seen, he's a bit… socially cool and distant, and then you sit there and don't understand that he's talking about you, whom he likes. But at least you're cute and make Tae Joon smile. The show is so good. And you can tell that Won Young is starting to doubt if what he's doing is really right, because he's also starting to develop feelings. Please clear that up in a good way. I'm so scared of the drama yet to come. It's going to break my heart to see Tae Joon rebuild his wall that he's been clinging to for so long and in which he built a small passage for Won Young. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I hope for a happy ending, but I'm really afraid that it will be a hard road until then.

↓ 3. Chains Of Heart (Episode 6)

Mr. Lue's dream. The wish that Ken touches him, that he accepts him as he is, that he loves him and holds him tight…I think that was one of the best scenes of the series so far. Especially the tears in his eyes at the end. And Mr. Lue's attempt to convince Ken to give him a chance, to allow him to protect and love Ken. My poor Mr. Lue heart really had to suffer this week. The most disturbing scene for me was our one-eyed man and how he danced with the woman…I just find him unsettling. And I was most confused after the scene between Mr. Lue and Don. It felt like the two knew each other or Don knew more than others. As always a wonderful series, great settings and atmosphere and I'm looking forward to next week.

↓ 4. A Shoulder To Cry On (Episode 3+4)

Okay, the "I like you" scene in the gym was a bit too much for me, but I can understand Dayeol so well. I would have been super embarrassed by this whole scene and in such cases you just sometimes react headless, muddle your thoughts and then it just comes out something like that. That he avoided Taehyun afterwards, I can also fully understand, but it was nice to see that he does not avoid him, but continues to seek his presence. And in the end we just see pure self-protection. We see an insecure Dayeol, who tries to push the other away by hurting, redirecting his own pain, so to speak. Heartbreaking start to the fourth episode. Those familiar with the webcomic knew what to expect. The backstory is indeed not pretty. It is cruel and sad and a little bit you can understand why Taehuyn shut down his emotions. The trauma is strong in him. So it makes me all the more happy that the two are getting closer and Taehyun is actually learning to open up and talk about his past. And Dayeaol, a sweetheart as he is, is probably the first person ever to tell him that it's not his fault and that plus the look on Taehyun's face broke my heart. Good episode!

→ 5. The Promise (Episode 5)

Somehow the feeling didn't quite come this week. Phu's approach was a bit too daring for someone who left his best friend behind because he was in love with him and didn't know how to deal with the feelings. The fight at the end was also a bit too contrived. Before, Nan was totally happy that Phu was back and didn't question anything and then because of that one lie, he turns up and throws things around like I never want to see you again. He's hurt, no question, but those were extreme emotional leaps. Especially considering the beginning of the episode and how touchy Nan was there. And no, I wasn't yelling at my screen that they should just kiss already. Not three times at least…just two.

→ 6. Bed Friend (Episode 6)

Aw King…I feel a little sorry for him. He tries to show Uea that he likes him a bit more than just FWB, and then he goes to the arranged match. I mean, I almost understand. King needs some confirmation too. Uea's wall makes it hard for himself to show King that he's looking forward to the trip, that he's also already investing more emotion than just FWB. And of course he builds up his walls again afterwards. Because he just realized that King can hurt him, that he's developed feelings and that's something he doesn't want to do. Because if he's vulnerable, then people will hurt him, that's his experience. So he pulls back again. He would just have to open his mouth and tell King that he wants him and King would be the happiest man on the planet and carry Uea through life on his hands. And Krit…that nasty m*therf*cker! I can't stand him and hope he just disappears along with Uea's mother. And the outlook for the next episode looks exhilarating...damn.

→ 7. A Boss And A Babe (Episode 4)

Cher is jealous and I love it! We get to know part of his backstory and understand why he doesn't like going back to his hometown. The ignorance of some people is terrible and I feel sorry for Cher that he had to lose his best friend/first unrequited love that way. He seems all the more confused that he is slowly but surely developing such feelings for Gun. I'm curious to see what happens next when Cher is no longer employed there as an intern. For my taste there was too little ThiZo this week, I hope that changes again next week.

↑ 8. Tin Tem Jai (Episode 4)

I have no idea how old Tin is supposed to be. He's looking for his major in college, but quite often behaves like a stubborn little kid. And Park knows exactly which switches to flip to get what he wants. I don't like that so much. And there's the sweet boy again, who is quite enraptured by our Tin, and of course is all the more delighted that fate has brought them together again. And of course, he's a senior at the university and flirts wildly. And Tin seems to like it. Kana is a sweetheart. He could have hugged Pao a little longer, but his "I'm always here for you" line could have been spared.

↑ 9. PastSenger (Episode 3)

It was clear that Baiwan would fall in love with Kiao and it was also clear that Frong would not leave her alone. There were very sweet moments between Bamee and Kiao. The fact that Baiwan can tell Bamee so openly about her crush on Kiao and Bamee suffers silently hurt a bit. At least the episode was better than the previous ones, but I'm not quite convinced yet.

↓ 10. All The Liquors (Episode 7+8/Final)

Yeah, I don't know, the series really didn't excite me. Even the last episodes couldn't help. The start was good, I liked the first episodes and just thought it goes in a slightly different direction. In the end, however, Han Ji Yu has not necessarily become happy without alcohol, but has converted the previously abstinent chef to alcohol and I sit here and ask myself what the message of this series should be. Should we all drink more alcohol to be sociable? Can we only be sociable and outgoing if we also drink alcohol? I manage to be sociable without alcohol with people I know and like, despite my shyness. So yeah, I didn't think it was particularly good, and the kisses were numerous for a Korean series, but they could have easily just been left out. No one wants to see two dead fish kiss...

#josi watching bl #sunday charts #our dating sim #unintentional love story #chains of heart #a shoulder to cry on #bed friend #a boss and a babe #the promise #tin tem jai #past senger #all the liquors #bl series #bl drama

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x0401x · 2 years ago

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Hello, can you speak about episodes 7 and 8 of Tsurune S2, always enjoy reading your thoughts on the episodes, and thanks so much for sharing them!!

I've talked about episode 7 in a previous ask, so I'm gonna leave my impressions of episode 8 here. As a bonus, I'm also gonna talk about episodes 9 and 10, as an apology for taking so long to answer this ask. ;v;

I'm gonna start with the positive points, just like I did with episode 7, because there's so much goodness in this one. I love the first scenes so much. Sen and Man's morning practice with Shuu, Kazemai and the twins finding out that Ryouhei and Shuu are now friends, Daigo and Nanao bonding, the girls getting excited at Kirisaki's high school campus, Minato being a bow nerd... so wholesome.

But my favorite part has to be that moment where Kaito thinks the Kirisaki girls are about to approach Nanao and tries to block them out... except they go talk to Rika instead. That was so fucking funny. And so in-character too. Plus Seiya noticing the whole thing and giving Kaito a follow-up? Nice touch. He 100% would.

I love that we see more of the Kirisaki team in this episode. We barely get to see Hiroki and Daigo, so it was nice to have them interact in this one. I still think we have a major lack of them and the twins in this season, though, but given the direction that the anime is going, it can't be helped.

I like that we finally got the whole flashback where Minato learns about Eisuke's original shooting style and Eisuke learns about Minato being Saionji's apprentice. It's fascinating how much character study you can do in that one scene, especially the way Eisuke goes from flattered to straight-up hostile in a matter of seconds with a single piece of information. He's being nothing but sarcastic and petty when he says it's incredible that Minato was accepted as apprentice, but Minato (being Minato) doesn't take notice of it.

The joint practice was great and highlighted in very subtle ways why Manji should return to the team. Kaoru and Umetarou getting to have a role in that kind of warmed my heart. Also, the scene in the dorm. Just fantastic. The way we got to see everyone's rooms and the difference in size between the rooms of the first and second-years in comparison to the third-years'. Daigo's Noririn shrine. The crest of the dorm being purple irises. The nod to the novel during the takoyaki party time. Heart eyes. Nothing but heart eyes.

All in all, this episode was really damn good. The only things that had me raising a brow at certain moments were stuff that I have already discussed before, such as Eisuke for some reason insisting that his team should win without help from anyone, not even their school itself (except this time he had to reluctantly give in and take budget money for a training camp). Or Minato being a little too innocent and not realizing, even now that he's in high school, just how openly resentful Eisuke is towards him.

That last one bothers me in particular, as it implies that Minato has no negative feelings towards Eisuke simply because he doesn't notice how shitty Eisuke is to him. Not only is Eisuke's hostility mostly internal, Minato is also unrealistically oblivious of Eisuke's words and actions. The anime even makes a point to change his first interaction with Minato and make it so that Eisuke approaches Shuu instead.

In the novel, Minato knows very well that Eisuke has a deep-seated grudge against him and Shuu, and both of them have been directly and indirectly offended by it in every interaction they have with him, yet Minato chooses to be nice to Eisuke regardless. It takes Minato a while to get rid of his innitial resentment towards Eisuke, but he does, and he does it consciously. He acknowledges that Eisuke is mean as hell and doesn't make up any excuses to justify why he's liket that (because, let's be honest, this is what we'd get in any other sports series). Yet he still decides to be good, not because he's naïve, but because he has matured. That's the difference. Novel!Minato sees Eisuke for what he is and accepts it. He takes in the bad things Eisuke has said and done and forgives them. Rather, I'd say he makes them null. Not because Eisuke had a reason to be like that (nothing justifies it), but because Minato is quite literally above it all. It had irritated him at first, but after he went through a certain amount of enlightenment, it just stopped mattering. That's Zen and that's what his character is about.

The anime seems to think Minato is pure simply because he's clueless. To be fair, he's clueless about a lot of things, but he learns. And then he picks the right path, sometimes consciously, sometimes subconsciously. It all depends on what the situation calls for, and in this case, it was calling for a conscious choice.

Now for episode 9.

Another wholesome one, though not as much, as there was some friction going on. It's funny that the friction was one-sided on Eisuke's part, though.

Again, this episode doesn't have negative points aside from what I've already mentioned a lot before. I like that the anime also took some time to make Kazemai and Tsujimine bond a little. It was refreshing and cute. I think, if the author had more space within the page count of each volume, she might've included something like this in the story.

Speaking of bonding, gotta love that the show is finally giving us proper interaction between Seiya and Kaito, especially Seiya fucking around, but it's hilarious to me that it was done in the most non-gay manner possible. The scene where Seiya doesn't wear his spare glasses on purpose just to get Kaito to do things for him is the finest example of that. In canon, Seiya makes it very clear that he's pissed and wants Kaito to make up for breaking his glasses, and Kaito responds to his demands without question because he feels genuinely sorry and wants to be forgiven. After all, he broke Seiya's glasses by accident in the novel when Seiya tried to stop him from breaking Eisuke's whole face, so Seiya is twice as angry and Kaito is twice as guilty. And of course, the anime didn't show what happens after that. Nor did it show Seiya's implied jealousy of Nanao, his prank on Kaito during the night or him cleaning up Kaito's face the next day.

The anime is also insisting on Eisuke's don't-wanna-own-anyone-anything attitude without explaining why exactly he is like this. It's getting a little tiring to see that in every single episode and not be given a concrete reason for it. We got an explanation as to why he's so hellbent on winning against Shuu and Minato, all right, but why the insistence in not relying on anyone? The only thing I can think of is that anime seems to be trying to sell him as a tsundere. They keep trying so hard to make him cute and likable and don't see that it makes his character kind of confusing. He's so determined to win, yet he keeps nitpicking his methods only when it comes to relying on adults and on using money. Even money from the school and club budget, which he 100% has the right to use as a student. He wouldn't be owning anyone anything for that, since his family is literally paying for him to go to school in the first place. Make it make sense, KyoAni.

Also, I really like that the anime decided to give us more details on his relationship with Shigeru, but did they have to add that scene where Eisuke is rude as fuck to him? That one made me cringe big time. I don't know how it got translated in the subs or dub but I don't like that dialogue. Nope. Not cool.

Especially not cool when it's followed by, you guessed it, Masaki and Eisuke's exchange at the beach. It's a very different interaction from what we got in the novel and seems to have been framed in order to favor Eisuke and how amazing he is. In the novel, they have a talk during practice, prompted by Eisuke's willingness to do anything in order to get a hit. He's basically doing yumiate, which isn't the point of kyudo, so Masaki approaches him discreetly and lectures him in the nicest, most indirect way possible, AKA the Zen way. But in the anime, Zen is out the window. Masaki and Eisuke even boast about their school getting stronger and being the one that will crush the other's team, and I can understand Eisuke having that kind of beginner mindset because he's just a teenager, but Masaki? Hello??? Winning isn't the goal. Even having a goal isn't the goal. Kyudo isn't a sport. That's literally the first thing about it and KyoAni forgot. They got so caught up in trying to show off that they completely slipped up in this one. I'm crying blood. They 100% don't realize this was a fail.

Other than that, this scene is all about praising Eisuke, and his only flaw is that he doesn't take it to heart due to his trust issues. Like. At this point, it just feels like we're being force-fed the same information over and over again because Eisuke just keeps getting so much attention, way beyond what seems necessary, while Kirisaki is relegated to the sidelines with Shuu being the only exception (but even he isn't getting as much attention as in the books). It's a little bit too obvious by now that KyoAni is trying to invest in Eisuke as their trumpcard to attract a bigger audience for this season. They're doing with him the same thing they did with Seiya in S1, changing his whole character in a desperate attempt to make him endearing and seem desperate to make the fans like him (as well as Koushirou, by extension). They also have to fill up the extra time they get from trying to get rid of any actually gay content, so they're giving us excessive amounts of him, while simultaneously managing not to expose what truly matters.

I mean, I don't know who else noticed this, but after getting this far into the story and having so much Eisuke content shoved down our throats in every episode, we haven't been presented to a lot of basic things about him. For example, the fact he has photosensibility and that's why he wears a hoodie all the time. Or his claustrophobia. Or his mental and emotional instability. Those are all things that make him relatable, but they're not cute, so there doesn't seem to be much interest in showing that part of him. So yeah, it's not really about Eisuke, it's about how KyoAni can use him as a tool to get viewers hooked while simultaneously buying time.

This trend continues into episode 10, where we begin with a flashback of how Eisuke joined Tsujimine's kyudo club. Eisuke is portrayed as the guy who brought the members of the club together and is leading them single-handedly to the nationals like some messiah. The novel scene where he tries to cheat during practice half-assedly makes it to this episode, with Touma making the mistake instead of Eisuke (for no reason other than not knowing any better) and Eisuke deciding to cover it up instead of doing it himself. Once again, Eisuke is doing something wrong, it's watered down to make him look good even when it's not a good look.

At long last, Minato finally finds out that Eisuke basically sees him and Shuu as enemies on a personal level. Not because he realized it but because Koushirou decided to spill the beans. And yet it doesn't seem to affect him much. In the end, he manages to know and stay clueless at the same time, so there's no need for him to make an effort to process and accept Eisuke and his resentment.

On the topic of Koushirou, he's as out of character as can be, but I like his description of what goes on in his mind when he draws the bow. The Heike reference was great. An awesome nod to how old kyudo is and how much it permeates Japanese culture. Chuunibyou as fuck, but good.

And then there's Masaki and Eisuke's convo at the baths. Nice visual language where Eisuke is in the smaller bath in comparison to Masaki, which highlights that Masaki is more experient, more mature and more knowledgeable, therefore more skilled. The content of the conversation is also good. The only problem is that the anime is getting closer to a territory that I'm not sure it wants to go, which is to present Masaki as an excellent coach only when he's lecturing someone from a different team. When he's teaching Kazemai, he's portrayed a fine mentor, but his real worth only ever seems to be revealed when he's before either Kirisaki or Tsujimine. That's where he truly stands out. Easy to tell that it's because those moments are mostly shown through Minato's perspective in the books, with him either admiring Masaki or longing for him all the while, and KyoAni is having none of that gay shit. But by trying so hard to keep Minato and Masaki five feet apart like two bros sitting in a bathtub, they accidentally make Masaki a better teacher when he's helping out or making demonstrations to rival teams.

I'm losing my mind because, holy crap, what have we come to? Masaki is literally having a bonding moment with Eisuke out of all people before having any bonding moment with Minato this entire season aside from that one scene at Yata Shrine, if you can call that a bonding moment at all. KyoAni has managed to make them barely give a fuck about each other in the span of 10 episodes. Actually, screw that; it managed to give them nothing to care about regarding each other aside from club-related stuff, since KyoAni has rid the anime of anything these two could bond over to begin with. Masaki didn't get his scar saving Minato's life, Minato's hand injury was never a thing, their fight never happened and so neither did their make-up, we never get to see what Minato is thinking outside of the dojo, Masaki's background is never touched upon again aside from archery-related facts, Minato didn't get sick so no hospital scene, etc. The list is endless. They've been stripped bare of any reason to care about each other on a personal level, so they just... don't.

As a result, at least to me, it feels like they barely exist within the story. I feel like I've hardly seen them at all this whole time, even though they were always there. I've learned nothing about them even though we've been shown a lot of stuff about Minato, because almost none of it was his emotions or the inner machinations of his mind. It was mostly just facts. This is probably the most fatal mistake that Yamamura Takuya made in S1, and he's repeating it in S2: he seems to have no interest in Minato as a protagonist.

This anime almost feels like an experiment to prove that Minato and Masaki are so deeply connected to each other as characters that when you take Masaki out of the equation, Minato is almost empty. Nearly every bit of personal information regarding Minato is related to Masaki one way or another, and Minato is usually the readers' gateway to getting to know Masaki. So when KyoAni insists on keeping them away from each other, the result is that they lose a lot of their essence and the story is left with holes in it, which KyoAni tried to fill up with Seiya in the previous season, and now they're using Eisuke for it. In short, Minato is being pushed to the background in the story he was supposed to be leading as the main character while secondary characters are used as a disposable means to draw the audience in because the director apparently can't bring himself to give two shits about him.

And, like, some people will enjoy this season and some won't, but regardless of opinions, this approach is objectively a fail on KyoAni's part. Whether the anime is good or not on its own is up for debate, but as for whether it's a good adaptation or not, I think we can all agree by now that no, it isn't. Not even because it's not faithful to the original, but because it keeps committing these narrative suicides. The plot doesn't care much for its own protagonist and tries to seek depth by latching onto a specific character. Minato is basically becoming a secondary character in his own story.

I think episode 10 did a great job on showcasing that, even though it obviously wasn't the intention. Especially the latter half of it, from the moment Minato and Eisuke get stuck in the elevator. In the novel, this scene was about both of them, but mostly about Minato. In the anime, it's entirely about Eisuke. Minato is literally used as a vessel for more of Eisuke's backstory to be revealed. We don't get Eisuke hyperventilating and Minato helping him stay grounded because he's had the same experience after the car accident that took his mother's life. Instead, we get Eisuke receiving a call from his aunt about Shigeru being hospitalized for the nth time and Eisuke freaking out. We don't get Minato collapsing with a fever from the emotional batter and Masaki taking him to the hospital, which leads to a heart-to-heart and Minato getting the necessary strength to overcome the hurdle. Instead, we get Minato and Masaki taking Eisuke to see Shigeru, and the whole thing is about how Eisuke feels and how helpful they were to him. This ordeal was originally Minato-centric in the books, yet KyoAni does everything in its power to make it be about Eisuke instead, because the original content is too inexcusably gay for the screen.

Which brings us to the last scene of this episode before the credits roll: the car scene. The only thing it has in common with its novel counterpart is that it's a scene where Minato and Masaki are having a conversation in Masaki's car at night in the middle of nowhere. I do like that it added a reference to volume 1, because we completely missed Minato's inner monologue during the last match in S1. But that's about it. We didn't get anything else.

And then the credits roll, and we end this episode with Minato promising that Kazemai will defeat Tsujimine. Again, the whole point of kyudo goes way over KyoAni's head. So does the point of Minato as a character. Minato isn't my favorite character, but I almost feel bad for him. I wish someone in this production team would bother to make him the protagonist aside from when the tournaments are going on.

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theredengineapologist · 1 year ago

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TTTE First Impressions: S6 Eps 2 and 4

Hello Train Fans of the Internet!

Now that I have this blog, I want to try and make it a habit of recording my thoughts about each episode I watch. From what I've observed, I feel like a lot of the TTTE fandom is composed of people who grew up with the show and/or continued to keep up with it until the end. And while I did watch the model series growing up, I actually don't remember anything that happened. 😅 Re-watching it now feels like watching it for the first time. And so I hope that sharing my thoughts here would provide a new perspective (or at least some entertainment).

First Episode for Discussion: Season 6 Episode 2 "Harvey to the Rescue"

This episode introduces Harvey the Crane Engine! And can I just say, I really like how Harvey's prop looks! Like, I look at him and I just want to pick him up like

I also like how they gave him more of a round, chubby face. I think it makes him look cute and distinguishes him from the others (outside of the fact that he has a crane on his boiler, but you know)

I really liked the scene where Harvey rescues Percy in the end. That was also really neat. It was cool to watch the crane move and the chains go down and the gears turning. Like, I just think it's really cool! Practical effects rule!

The one thing I found really odd about this episode is that Edward is... weirdly out of character? They have Edward among the other engines who are judging Harvey for looking weird. And I get that they're going for the whole aesop of "being different makes you special". But like, since when was Edward judgmental? He's one of the nicest engines on this railway! And yet here he's making the comment of "he doesn't even look like an engine". And like, THIS COMING FROM THE GUY WHO RESCUED TREVOR THE TRACTION ENGINE?! WHO DON'T EVEN USE RAILS?

Like I get it that it's a kids' show and you gotta get your aesop in there. But I think you can do it without making characters out-of-character. I think there are ways you could potentially have Edward be suspicious of Harvey without being outright judgy. But that's just my take.

Anyway, we also get another entry for the Jameward Relationship Timeline!

Look at them with their berths in the shed next to each other! They're so married ❤💙

Next Episode for Discussion: Season 6 Episode 4 "A Bad Day for Harold"

You might be asking me, "Why did you skip episode 3?" I didn't. Amazon's just weird about how they published the episodes. So "No Sleep for Cranky" was published as episode 1 when really it's episode 3, and I watched it thinking it was episode 1 and "Salty's Secret" was episode 2 until I looked up the TvTropes recap.

Anyway, I liked this episode. I love Percy and Harold's dynamic and it's always a treat seeing them together. I know Percy and Thomas are the ones remembered as the Iconic Besties(tm). But in my opinion, I actually think Percy, Toby, and Harold have the most fun and interesting dynamic with each other. Particularly with Percy and Harold, I love how they're the kind of friends who will continuously butt heads and tease each other, but you know that when it comes down to it they'll have each other's backs. And that shows here in this episode too.

I like how Harold asked them to load all the mail in his net so he's "not slow like Percy". It's a neat little callback to that one time Harold roasted him and was like "you're so slow, you should give everyone their stamps back" (which, by the way, is one of my favorite roasts in the whole show so far XD).

Also I think this is Harold's first crash? I watched Seasons 1 - 5 kind of fast so if I missed one previously, feel free to correct me.

I like the little detail of Harold hovering in close to Percy to thank him. That was a nice touch.

One last thought, as much as I've been enjoying Alec Baldwin's narration so far, I do REALLY miss the buttery voice George Carlin gave to Harold. Carlin's Harold voice is so needlessly zesty and it adds so much extra flavor to his character. Kinda wish Baldwin kept going in the same direction, but I respect him doing his own thing (at least he gave us Fruity James 💅)

That's all for now! 'Til next time,

CHOO CHOO B*TCHES!

#thomas and friends #ttte #thomas the tank engine #ttte harvey #ttte percy #ttte harold #ttte james #ttte edward #ttte episode review #on today's episode of “thinking too hard about trains”...#ttte first impressions #redengineposts

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mingiswow · 2 years ago

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Chapter 33: Cosmos

Word count: +2,6 k (and I oop)

Summary: You always believed in the stars, the energy, the destiny, and that everything happened for a reason. But what if the oh so destiny put you in a group project with the music majors? And that one of the boys hated you guts for a reason you don’t even know why?

Pairing: Changbin x gn!reader, Hyunjin x gn!reader

You greeted Changbin for the nth time that week as you entered his dorm and put the bags with snacks and drinks on the kitchen table. “Have you decided what we’re doing tonight?” You asked while putting the cans to cool in the fridge.

“I was thinking about binging some series, what do you think?” The man asked. He went after you and helped grab the bowls for the snacks as you did the popcorn.

“I think that’s great” you turned to smile at him. “Which one are we going to watch?”

“I was thinking about watching cosmos, w-”

“OMG, CHANGBIN! That’s one of my favorite series! How did you find out?” you cut him, a big smile on your face.

“I didn’t. I just thought that since you like the universe and all these things, you might like the series” you nodded happily to him.

The boy felt a strange sensation in his chest, as if all the heat in his body went there and his heart started to beat faster. He never noticed that when you get happy you nod your head like a child, a smile so big that your cheeks almost cover your eyes, head tilting slightly sideways. He could say you look like a puppy. He started to pay attention to your little details as he looked at you, zoning out for a moment. If the catfish you was good, you were amazing.

“Binnie?” you waved in his face, trying to get his attention.

“Sorry. What?” you giggled at him and his cheeks and ears instantly turned red. Oh the power you already holded in him.

“I was talking to you but you went to Narnia” you put the popcorn bowl in his hands. “Let’s watch Cosmos!” you grinned again and went to the living room, taking the other snacks with you. “This is the Carl version or the Neil one?” you asked plopping yourself on the couch, getting comfortable in the spot you had chosen for yourself since the beginning of the break.

“The original one. I thought it might be nice starting from the very beginning” you nodded once again and waited for him to start the show.

The opening scene started and you quietly clapped to yourself as the man’s voice started to resonate in the room.

He wanted, he really wanted to pay attention to the show but the way you reacted to every scene and the commentaries you did all happily made the heat in Changbin’s chest to burn even more. He could see how you liked the subject and how you mixed your passion for design, the universe and spirituality all together.

And he didn’t liked this feeling, the warmth in his chest and how you felt even warmer next to him, your arms slightly touching from the proximity, how your hands would accidentally touch from time to time when you went to grab a snack or some popcorn and he would feel his skin burn but you weren’t fazed by that. He didn’t like that, for the last few days, he has been thinking about you often and how he almost counted the minutes to see you again, how he could close his eyes and hear your laugh ringing in his ears or your smile engraved in his brain. He didn’t like not a single bit that some nights he woke up all sweaty and panting heavily as he had dreamed with you under his body, touching his skin, whining softly against his ears as he adored and worshiped you, how you’d moan lowly his nickname. Binnie. A single word that could make his whole world stop, his whole body tense up and, as cliche as it sounds, be just the two of you.

And then there was Hyunjin, his life long friend, someone who he endeared so much along his other friends, the one who started it all, that made him talk to you for the first time, the one that was annoyingly getting into his nerves trying to figure out why he hated you so much and how could you act like you didn’t know him. It was because of him that all the weight of his despise towards you was gone as he find out the truth.

Changbin didn’t wanted to end his friendship because of someone.

“Do you believe that we are alone in this universe?” you suddenly asked, eyes glued to the TV, getting Changbin out of his mind-eating questions.

“No, it’s too big for us to be alone” you turned your head to look at him and nodded, signiling for him to keep going. “We barely can explore the Milky Way, imagine beyond that. Besides, it wouldn’t be good for the leaders and politicians and people in power to let us know that, it would affect the way we see the world and our rules as beings”

“Right? I always said that! Also, if we learn more about the universe and the immense power it holds, we as a population wouldn’t be so gulibe and easy to manipulate” you turned your full attention to him now, turning your body to face him. “What’s your favorite conspiracy theory about the universe?” he noticed your eyes glowing with excitement. “Mine is that the planet we live in it’s just one of the many dimensions existent and we are here to learn with our mistakes so we can kinda upgrade to the next one”

“I don’t know what’s mine” the man thought for a while, your eyes waiting for him excitedly. “Maybe that the US weren’t the first one to land on the moon?” you laughed at his face.

“That’s such a basic one, Binnie! But I’ll accept, you’re new to this” you turned your attention back to the TV and he sighed deeply, finally being able to breath again. A little moment of silence stood between you two until you spoke again. “I’m sorry”.

“For what?”

“For the whole catfish thing, and you know, the person exploiting you” you looked at him again. “I kinda feel guilty about it all”.

“We already talked about this, yn. It’s not your fault” he reassured you. “Just because it was your face doesn’t mean that you’re the guilty one” you nodded and lent your head in his shoulder, laying comfortably as his heart rate started to increase again. Your signature perfume invading his nostrils and proving that indeed you were too close for his own good. “yn?”

“hm?”

“Do you like Hyunjin? I mean, really like him”

“I don’t know anymore” you sighed and he felt your body getting closer to him, almost snuggling to his side. “I mean, I do, he’s a nice guy, he’s my friend and I always had a crush on him but so does every other person in our campus”.

“If it helps, I don’t have a crush on him” you chuckled at his little joke, the air around you getting lighter.

“But I don’t want just a casual thing, you know? I want a relationship, I get attached too easily and I always end up being hurt, so I want something serious” he nodded and unconsciously started to play with your hand that was rested on you lap. “But right now I don’t know how I feel about him”.

“And how do you feel about me?” Chagnbin’s words left the words before his brain could comprehend and stop him. You went silent and he just wanted to dig a whole and hide forever, but he noticed how you held his hand slightly tighter.

“I like you” he knew that you meant as a friend, but he couldn’t help but feel a little spark in his chest. “You’re nice,” you kept going “funny, talented, smart and very hot if I say so myself” you lifted your head from his shoulder and looked at him. He couldn’t look back at you. “And how do you feel about me?” there were no words to describe the jump that his heart gave, his soul leaving his body.

In a hush of confidence you grabbed his face between your hands, turning him to look at you. He couldn’t speak. How could he? When you were right there looking at him with the softest eyes, your hands burning holes against his face, his stomach dropping and he felt like he could throw up daggers right then. But he liked that pain. He liked the feeling of adrenaline rushing through his blood when he was with you. The feeling of being so wrong yet so right, as if every piece of a puzzle was finally put together and revealed a beautiful landscape painting with you right there in the middle, the muse, the inspiration. How? How he ended up like this? So attracted to you? So close to you after supposedly hating you?

“Can I kiss you?” was the only thing that left Changbin’s mouth and, at that moment, he wasn’t thinking properly anymore. To his surprise, you nodded, a faint smile dancing in your lips.

He slowly leaned in, almost as he was afraid that he was going to scare you away, as if you were a dream and as soon as he get closer you’d disappear. But none of that happened.

You weren’t feeling so different, your skin felt like itching, asking for it to be touched by him. You’re mind blurry, a little bit overwhelmed with the last few days and everything that happened between you, Hyunjin and Changbin. You felt guilty getting feelings for Chagbin at the same time you had feelings from his best friend, you felt wrong doing this. But at the same time it quite fed your ego and self esteem knowing that you managed to pull off two of the hottest guys on campus.

Suddenly both your minds went blank, your lips finally touching, the nerve endings in your lips sending strings of fireworks into both of your brains. Your body was now completely under the control of its desire, its feeling and sensation. Changbin started to move his mouth after a few seconds of him trying to make his brain realize it was all real, he was really kissing you, and you followed suit, letting him lead the kiss. Your hands, that once were holding his face, were now holding his shoulders, anchoring yourself; his ones were in your waist, holding you in place not to run away.

The kiss was slow, almost careful, taking your time to explore each other’s mouth, to learn each other's taste, anatomy. But soon that wasn’t enough.

You straddled his lap, legs on each side of his own, his hands now on your waist, holding you tightly, tighter than he wanted but his senses were flooded by you. By your taste, your touch, your feelings. Changbin could swore that he could taste a little love in your tongue, in the way your own fought for dominance with his, the way you would smile faintly throughout the kiss and would hold his face even closer to him. He didn’t want to let you. But neither did you.

Your mind was as clouded as his. The only thing in it being how good he was kissing you, touching you. The way his strong thighs would tense under you whenever you moved a little closer to him, a fire burning under your skin. The way his muscular arms would wrap around your body and his shoulder muscles would move and tense under your fingers.

But soon your mind started to wander to Hyunjin. You couldn’t help but compare them both. You always had a crush on the dancer, it’s true, but did he make you feel this warm? Did he make you feel like you could melt under his touch at any second? At first, yes, but soon the fire extinguished. Why? You didn’t know. Maybe it was because he never really liked you. It could be because it was just a crush, not real feelings like you’ve thought. Maybe it was because he didn’t seem to pay attention to the way your body reacted to his. Maybe he just didn’t like you and you didn’t like him.

You were so lost in your own thoughts and feelings that you didn’t notice Changbin breaking the kiss and holding you so you could stop grinding on him. How and when you started to do that you don’t even remember.

“Yn…” he groaned while holding you still. Mouths red and swollen from the make out session, hearts beating faster than the tambourines from a Brazilian carnaval samba school*. “I-I think we should stop here” his voice sounded stranded, caught up in his throat, like he didn’t want to stop. And he didn’t. “I don’t think we should do that to us, to Hyunjin” you nodded, slowly moving from his lap. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have crossed the line like that”

“You didn’t, I did it too” you sat by his side on the sofa again. Body erect as you were afraid to move and do it again. “I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“I… I don’t know exactly” you lowered your head, finger playing with the fabric of your pants. “I don’t regret kissing you. I… liked” you turned to look at him and the air got caught in your throat as you acknowledged the way he looked. His face flushed as red as his lips, that were still open as he caught his breath back. His chest rising and falling rapidly, making his toned chest look even bigger, his hair all disheveled, a little sweaty and curly from the way you messed with it. A little purple mark on his collarbone making his way through his tanned skin. Your mind just started to think how he would look fucked out, on top of you, his breath erratic of how he would fuck you as delicious moans left his luscious lips.

“I like it too” he confessed, looking at his feet and making you get out of your dirty thoughts. What would he think if he knew what you were thinking of him? “But-“ he gulped before going back to speaking “I think you should talk to Hyunjin first, I don’t think it is fair with him that we are making out here while he’s probably worried and sad that you guys fought” you nodded.

Changbin was right, it wasn’t fair to either of you what was happening. You just felt so selfish from playing with their feelings like that. Hyunjin was never other than nice to you, he never mistreated or disrespected you, he was always so understanding and kind to you and your friends. He didn’t deserve what you were doing. And there was also Changbin, who was already hurt by your face, even though it wasn’t you per se, and had to look at you everyday without knowing the truth, and besides how he just treated you coldly at the beginning, after he find out the truth he was none other than nice and apologetic that he treated you badly for something you didn’t do, he made you company these last few days even though he didn’t have to and you guys bonded like long term friends. You couldn’t deny your connection. To neither of them.

“I have to go now” he nodded and you left the sofa and headed to the door.

“Yn” you turned to look at him and he came to you, holding your face and kissing you one last time. “Just in case this is the last time I get to do that” you both smiled and you nodded before going back to your dorm.

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Taglist: @hanjistarss @run2seob @0x1lovesong1

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explosionshark · 2 years ago

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3x014 Bad Girls that's the tweet. Bad Girls has been the next epsiode I've had to watch for ages and I was looking forward to it so much cause even I know Bad Girls is the iconic episode but there has not been a good time to watch but now I finally had the chance so here's the midseries update.

But before I get there I wanna say Beauty and the Beasts is a really interesting episode, not necessarily for the episode itself but that you can read the entirety of the Angel/Buffy relationship that I've seen so far in Series 3 cause you can read them in both sides of the abusive relationship (I forget their names this was pre me writing notes) imo, Angel's obvious he's textually a metaphor for the abusive boyfriend who changed after sleeping with Buffy, it's directly textually said in this episode and a bunch back in series 2, but also Buffy did kill Angel immediately after getting his soul back (absolutely justifiably yeah) before he even knew what was going on and he gets sent to the hell dimension for 100 years but is still instinctively protecting Buffy like the girl who protected the boyfriend who hurt her. And so they've been locked in a death spiral of breaking up and getting together ever since which is in theory neat but also admittedly it is starting to get tiring since its starting to feel like just a holding pattern until we can move on and Angel gets sent away for his spin off (the extremely meleodramatic one we see in The Zeppo was incredible though)

Speaking of Zeppo RIP Cordy's screentime but I do enjoy her existing now entirely to hunt Xander for sport it's what she deserves. Didn't even get to star in The Wish which was her mirrorverse episode, I remember being surprised how quickly she figured it out and then she died immediately. Also shout out to my boy the Master coming back for the runback against all odds getting a 2:1 record against Buffy, 1:1 was already an absurd record that I didn't see ever being matched but surely 2:1 cannot be touched.

Anyway I spent too long here not talking about Faith, love her, one of my favourite notes from Bad Girls '♡ "Hey girlfriend" What could she mean by this?' I also have from Revelations 'Faith is all alone and has no friends :(' and she's also very fun to watch so you got the triple threat of barely disguised innuendo, sad and greatly charismatic on screen so always fun to watch. I really enjoyed by the way in Revelations the way that Gwendolyne Post loved walking around with her arms not in her sleeves and behind her back and then she gets beaten by cutting her arm off. And the way the episode ends with Faith incorporating the little lesson from Gwendolyne into her world view about only needing Spartan Quarters is a nice tiny set up for future heel turn. Also the start of the recurring thread of her wanting to spend some time with Buffy but she has to blow her off for Angel issues, oh I just saw in my notes for that episode 'Angel Buffy trapped in cycles, in same scene its explained once the glove is attached it cannot be removed. Metaphor'

Helpless was great as a more horror focused episode, I got distracted part way through by a random Watcher who I was sure I recognised, it turns out he's in Star Trek Enterprise, a show I've not watched but the only one I recognised on the list so I guess it was that, I just think it could've been more effective if even with his last minute change of heart Buffy still had a bit of a rift with Giles from the whole poisoning her deal

I do admittedly have a couple of notes of "Why does Oz exist? Because outside of some good lines in Amends I never really get much out of him, I don't always like Xander but he's got that good recurring roll of acting out whatever's Buffy's dealing with but in miniature but Oz just kinda feels like he's just there.

Amends incidently such a good episode, amazing character episode for Angel, "It's not the demon in me that needs killing, it's the man," I have that line written down with the note of 'Sick'. I also love that despite being called amends few actual amends were made and it more had the idea rather you need to continue to live and make your amends as a process rather than as a singular act. Also it's Christmas and he gets visited by ghosts of past, present and future so y'know its fun

I love the Mayor as a Big Bad, I think he's my favourite so far its just such a demenour y'know, Angelus is incredible as a character like a more personal nemesis and I had great fun with the Master but the Mayor is really doing it for me. I loved the gag in Band Candy where he points out the sewer really needs more maintanence while they're delivering the babies to the snake and then that's actually a set up for Buffy to grab the gas pipe to set it on fire.

Anyway Bad Girls. First appearance of my friend Wesley he is so different to he was when I watched Angel its incredible how buttoned up and how much of a loser he is, I love him. And so much incredible Faith/Buffy content, which is fitting for this to be her approaching Heel Turn to mirror with Angel to Angelus back in S2. From my notes '"You don't get it you killed a man," "You don't get it, I don't care" she says as she cares deeply' The last thing I wrote down for Bad Girls is 'I want to eat this episode'. Also I dunno if its anything but I also noted down Faith and Buffy really hit it off next level style this episode after Buffy got drowned and her getting her drowned back in 1x12 is what created the branch Slayer line that got to Faith, its neat even if its nothing.

I've written too much I need to send these more regularly if this is how much I'm going to put down, great stuff great stuff.

Well! Glad you're enjoying S3!!!!

Beauty and the Beasts is another example of the kind of Buffy episode that's just some character's current conflict acted out by the MOTW. Gets m every time.

Gwen Post was great because it shows the first deep fissure in Buffy and Faith's relationship and reintroduces Angel to the rest of the crew in a spectacularly disastrous and dramatic fashion. Also love how it sets up Faith's recurring S3 weakness of "literally any adult who's nice to her" which is funny/sad given the fact that the character trait she is most obviously trying to manifest for herself is 'badass rebel loner.' How's that traumatic childhood and almost complete lack of support system working out for you, Faith? Pretty good it doesn't seem.

Oz is a much loved character (including by me!). I think he's sweet and funny and I enjoy him showing up - but aside from when he's actively wolfing out or being cheated on for Willow's character development he is pretty extraneous. Finally, a male sexy lamp.

Agreed re: Helpless, The Mayor, Faith having no friends, Buffy and Angel's whole mess winding down . Interesting point about the drowning too! Hadn't thought about that before. Huh.

I'm glad you're having a good time! Can't wait for your Bad Girls thoughts!

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fourseasonsfigs · 2 years ago

Text

Clever Little Daoist

Dong Fang Yuechu is looking very resolute here! This is our third in this series of Gong Jun in action as his character in Fox Spirit Matchmaker: Yue Hong.

I posted about the other two here and yesterday, and the last one in this series is actually touching ground in the Port of LA today! I should be able to post it this week - I'm so excited about it I'm going to pull it in front of the line when he gets here 🎉

But in the meantime, let's focus on this clever and determined little man. He is in fact, ready for action with his fulu in hand, ready to hurl some magic at the enemy.

I don't actually have the photo inspiration for this fig, which is unfortunate...I'll have to keep looking. I do at least have these behind the scenes pictures of his costume:

Gorgeous! I wish I had HD closeups of this (and all of them). I've been noticing how a lot of his costumes have asymmetrical prints to them, which I find really lovely. I think it adds some interest to the looks.

Another fig delivery in custom cutout polystyrene! You can see the extra special height they gave this fig for his two little hair strands on his topknot. When I ship these type of resin figs I always try to get them air-column wrapped, which unfortunately adds to the shipping expense, but I think does a great job protecting them during the sea travel.

However, with my work travel schedule and the amount of figs in my warehouse, in the fog of war I totally missed getting these wrapped (along with a whole bunch of others!). Luckily, they sailed right though without any mishaps.

Thank goodness too! I love him. Since his costume is so white here, I'm foregoing my usual white background to try to get some better contrast in here. My weak winter daylight doesn't help though.

Oops, I just realized I missed photographing the first 1/8 turn here - I, like this fig, was clearly all business here. Well, we'll start at the first 1/4 turn, with his perfect posture and a nice view of his action pose. I like how this fig and the one from yesterday are standing very still and upright, but you get a sense of motion from them because of the way their robes flow. Yesterday the robes were flowing behind, like the fig was moving forward, and here we have almost a backwards motion with the arm going behind, giving us some great sleeve and robe movement.

Which you can see more of here with his arm and hand rising up. The hair is coming off the neck and back as well due to the motion.

This is a slightly better view of the hair motion! And also of his hairpin and his hair topknot "antenna".

Ah, this is an even better view of the motion in his hair. This is a fairly simple fig in some respects as the costume is almost pure white, but you get a lot of thought in the fig physics here.

Speaking of fig physics, you'll notice that unlike yesterday's Yuechu, this one stands up just fine.

I've noticed a lot of his costumes (as near as I can tell from the previews and the BTS shots) seem to have a tiny little bit of a train on them. I'm a big fan of that aesthetic choice for sure. Here, I think it's less of a mini train and more of the way the fabric is flowing to show motion.

Like yesterday's fig, this last 1/8 angle view is my absolute favorite. A lot of personality and you get a lot of the elegant motion here too.

And back around. Here you can see the asymmetrical blue band on one of his collars.

I took this a little bit to the side so you could see his color coordinating white pants and white boots.

Not as quite as many layers to this fig's costume as yesterday's but still quite the respectable detail for the underside you'll generally never see!

This is actually straight on the center of the fig, so you can see all the motion and angles in the hair. Sorry there's a bit of a shadow there obscuring the right side of the pic.

Oh no, my box card met with some mishap! Sorry Yuechu, your beautiful face has some battle damage there.

I'm still not entirely sure why the box card side's art of this fig has a ghostly white face compared to his ears, when the card art is normal, but who can say what mysterious things happen during printing!

Alright, saving the best for last...soon we'll see the last fig, that cute little bunny lantern one we have there.

Material: Resin

Fig Count: 308

Scene Count: 23

Rating: Magical!

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

#gong jun #dong fang yuechu #fox spirit matchmaker merch #fox spirit matchmaker #woh cast #shl cast #word of honor cast #jzeu

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cjsinkythoughts · 4 years ago

Text

Inner Conflict

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3586

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Some Angst, Some Fluff, Sam and Bucky being idiots, Mentions of PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression

A/N: Here’s Part Three to my FATWS Series, which I’m making a masterlist for that you can find Here.

Uh…it’s a little long, and I apologize for that. It doesn’t even encompass the whole second episode, only the first half, so a Part 3.5 will be coming out later today probably (it’s my day off work so I have all day to relax and write!) I tried not doing a line for line rewrite of the episode, but there are quotes from the show in here. Mostly it’s Reader’s thoughts and feelings towards what’s happening while conversations are going on around. Reader’s backstory is a bit more unfurled. It’s more action packed and more scene-for-scene of the episode than the previous two. Less emotions shared and less hurt/comfort type of thing, but that’ll be back in the next part probably along with more scenes not in the show. The next part I’m planning won’t be as long, it’ll mainly just be the Couples Therapy scene and a bit more angst with her and Sam and her and Bucky.

Because there’s four more episodes and I don’t know what’s going to happen in them, I’m kinda hesitant on spilling out exactly what is going on with the Reader and what her role was on the original team, but we’ll get there. Also, I wasn’t expecting to be writing multiple pieces for one episode, but if the other episodes are as packed as this one, prepare yourself for more parts than anticipated. We’re already on Part 3 and I’ve got Part 3.5 coming. Just bare with me as I don’t know what’s going to happen in future episodes! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it!

(Not beta’d so excuse any mistakes.)

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

Walking out of the shower, ruffling a towel through your hair to dry it off, you froze at the sound of the TV. A sigh left your lips. It’s all he’d been doing the last few days - watching the news. Keeping up with the tour for the new Captain America.

You peeked out of the small bedroom to find Bucky sitting on the floor, brow creased as he watched John Walker talk to the Good Morning America hostess.

“You shouldn’t be watching that.” You spoke up, leaning on the doorway, still patting your hair dry. He glanced over to you, taking in the towel wrapped around you, before looking back at the TV. Seeing you like that wasn’t anything new. “Buck, I’m serious. Brooding over it won’t make anything better.”

“What do you want me to do?”

You let out a sigh, shifting your feet and biting your lip as you thought about how to respond. “I-I haven’t figured it out yet. But obsessing over the new guy-”

“Aren’t you mad?”

You frowned at his question, his eyes meeting yours once more. “I told you already that I am.”

He tilted his head, which he did when he was confused, his eyes narrowing. “Why don’t you show it? Why aren’t you screaming or cursing or crying or something? You, of all people-”

“Because it won’t help anything, Buck.” You shook your head, pushing off the wall. “I want to. But if I let myself go down that road…” Dropping your gaze to the floor, you take a breath, collecting your thoughts. “This is such a complicated situation, James. I’m being contacted left and right for a statement on the new Captain. People trying to see my reaction. Senators trying to get me to meet with him. I can’t let myself snap. I can’t.”

He scowled. “They’re still bothering you?”

A dry chuckle escaped your lips and you nodded. “Makes me miss the days when no one knew who I was; when I was the behind-the-scenes seventh Avenger. But I made that choice to come out, and I have to deal with the consequences now. Blowing up will only-”

“Even though I never met him…he feels like a brother.”

That one statement stopped you in your tracks. Bucky’s head whipped back to the TV, his jaw ticking, his nose scrunching up.

“Did he really just say that?”

Bucky merely nodded, his chest heaving as he tried getting his breathing under control. “Feel like snapping now?”

You purse your lips as you held in the tears stinging your eyes. After composing yourself, you moved over and grabbed the remote, letting out a tiny sniffle as you did so. You tentatively touched Bucky’s shoulder, silently asking him if he needed anything from you. His response was to open his arms, so you quickly got down besides him to hold him.

“He is my brother, doll.”

“I know, Buck.” You pressed a soft kiss to his head, which rested against your bare shoulder.

Your bare knees are pressed harshly against the wooden panels of the floor, and you’re twisted awkwardly, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. As long as he was comfortable, you would take the uncomfortable position. As long as he was being held, you would take the soreness it would leave. As long as you could help him be some sort of okay, you would take not being okay in this position.

You two sat like that for a few more moments before your phone buzzed. You gave a sigh, pulling back and holding his cheeks in either hand. He wasn’t crying, although he was on the verge of doing so. You’d seen him cry before, so you knew he didn’t mind. For you it was a different story.

Bucky had maybe seen you cry twice since the whole Blip thing went down. And one of them was over the phone, so he didn’t see it so much as he heard it. You didn’t let yourself cry in front of him. Or anyone, for that matter. It was a part of you. The only person you ever felt comfortable enough around to cry in front of…wasn’t there. And you couldn’t change that.

“We’ll figure it out.” You told him, nodding gently and letting a small, sad smile quirk the corners of your lips up. “Okay? We’ll figure it out.”

The clench in his jaw loosened as your fingers worked circles into the hinge, making him relax and nod back. You pressed a tender kiss to his forehead before standing up, moving across the room to where your phone was on the counter. You assumed it’d be another government official or news reporter, so you were slightly shocked to see ‘Sammy’ flashing up at you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you read his message, a slight pout forming on your face.

“Doll?” Toned arms wrapped around you, warm and cool, his chin setting on your shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sam. He needs my help with something.”

“I’m coming with you.”

You turned in his arms, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Why?”

He shrugged, licking his lips. “You might need help.”

“Bucky, you can’t go if you’re just going to yell at him.”

“I won’t.”

You studied his features. He was lying, you knew that. Of course he was going to snap at Sam for giving up the shield. He was mad and they got on each others’ nerves every chance they could find, so of course he was going to.

But you still found yourself saying yes and telling him to go pack a bag. You were never able to say no to Steve and it seemed that got passed on. What a nuisance it was.

****************

And you were so right. It was the first thing he said once Sam came into view coming down the stairs.

“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.”

“James.” You squeezed the hand he was holding, voice pleading for him not to do this right now. He huffed, stepping back to let you greet Sam properly, giving the man a hug. “Hi, Sammy.”

“It’s been a while.” Sam commented, pulling back and holding you by the shoulders. “You look good. Not that you’ve ever looked otherwise.”

You gave him a small smile. “You do too.”

“Thanks for coming. I know it’s short notice, but-”

“It’s fine, Sam. Really.” You insist.

Sam nodded, before eyeing Bucky. “Did you have to bring him?”

“Samuel-”

“This is wrong.” Bucky cut in, staring Sam down, falling into step besides him as the man started heading outside.

“James-”

“Hey, hey. Look. I’m working, all right?”

You rolled your eyes as the two started arguing, stopping your stride to take a breather. You used to joke about babysitting them, but it didn’t feel like a joke anymore and you were getting tired of it. All the bickering for no reason. The contempt they held for one another. Steve made you promise that you would look out for them, and you were trying, but they weren’t making it easy.

When you joined them again, you raised an eyebrow at the direction the conversation turned. How the hell did they get from arguing about the shield to what a wizard is?

“Ahh! Haha! A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat!”

You gave Sam a look as he babbled about how he was right. “Sorcerer Mickey has a hat. Isn’t that, like, how he gets his powers and everything?”

Bucky grinned at you. “Thank you!”

“Excuse you!” Sam scoffed, pointing an accusing finger at you. “We were having a conversation!”

“Yeah. A stupid conversation I just ended. Now I’m gonna be in the plane. Feel free to join me when you’re done being idiots.”

They both spluttered, but you were already walking away, leaving no room for arguments. As you loaded onto the plane, you spotted the Lieutenant whom Sam mentioned who had been helping him out with missions. Torres, you thought, remembering his name from a previous phone call with your friend.

“You Lieutenant Torres?” You asked, walking up to him.

He blinked, before his eyes widened, a grin appearing on his face. He seemed young, which you were perfectly okay with considering you’ve been working alongside old men for the past decade. It was always nice to work with a fresh face, which you found after you started working with Wanda and Peter.

The thought of the two youngest members made you falter, not having heard from either of them since Christmas almost six months prior, but you quickly recovered yourself, shaking away the worries you had for them.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N! I’m a huge fan! I’ve read all your files!”

Chuckling a little, you held out your hand. “Most of those are heavily classified.”

He ducked his head with a little blush, rubbing the back of his neck after shaking your hand. “I, uh, I might’ve…used connections.”

“It’s okay.” You reassured him, throwing him a wink. “I won’t tell. Can you tell me what’s going on? Sam didn’t exactly explain the situation.”

He nodded, getting into ‘work mode’, something you’ve seen in most military men, informing you of their recent missions and the group known as the Flag-Smashers and giving you a file on them. He was in the middle of telling you about his solo mission in Germany when your two fellas came in, sending each other small glares, but remaining quiet.

Bucky caught your eye and sent an apologetic look your way, to which you just smiled at before turning back to Torres.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay.” You told him once he was done.

“Oh yeah. It wasn’t that bad.”

You laughed and nodded. “I’m sure. You seem like a tough kid.”

He smiled, before looking around and jabbing his thumb behind his shoulder. “I-I’ve gotta go, but-”

“We can talk later.” You promised with a grin.

“Really?!”

“Of course! I have a feeling we’ll be working together more, and I like getting to know who’s gonna have my back.”

He beamed and nodded, walking backwards. “That’d be awesome! Talk to you later then!”

You giggled as he turned around and jogged off, pumping his fist in the air. You turned to a grinning Sam and nodded towards where Torres left. “I like him. Seems like a nice kid.”

“He is. Very energetic. A little reckless, but he’s got a good heart.”

You hummed, the smile falling from your face as you flipped through the file Torres gave you. “So…Munich?”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry again for taking you away from the search, but-”

“Search is off.” You informed him quickly, not looking up. “Until further notice.”

The plane went quiet, before Sam cleared his throat. “So…no sign of Wanda yet, then?”

You shut the file, looking up at the men whose features were laced with concern. “I’m gonna go talk to the pilot. Behave while I’m gone. No pushing each other off the plane.”

“Doll?”

You were stopped by the hand that grabbed your wrist as you passed Bucky. You shot him another smile, knowing it wasn’t convincing enough for him, but it being the best one you had. “I’m okay. I’ve just gotta ask him some questions.”

************

Opening your mouth to stop him, you groaned when Bucky jumped out of the plane before you could speak. First Sam jumps without sharing the plan, then Bucky jumps without having a plan. Or a parachute. Or wings. Or anything.

Torres looked at you, but all you could do was shrug. “I dunno what to tell you, kid.”

“You’re not gonna do that, are you?”

“No.” You reassured him, shaking your head. “I’m gonna wait ‘til we land like a normal person and take my bike. I just have to pray that they’ll wait to do anything stupid until I get there.”

They didn’t wait. You’re pretty sure they didn’t even think about waiting. By the time you got to them, they were fighting - and losing, might you add - to six really strong people on top of two semi trucks.

Because why wouldn’t they?

Oh, oh. And on top of that, the fake was there, throwing the shield. The shield that didn’t belong to him. The shield that meant so much more than he would ever know.

“Hi, doll! Sorry we started the party without you!” Bucky shouted from where he was hanging off the edge, that close to the street and getting his head torn off by the tire.

“I’m so tired of babysitting you two, you know that?!”

“Oh! Sorry we’re such an inconvenience for you! Blame him! He jumped the gun!” Sam shouted, coming to fly next to you as you rolled up your sleeves, standing on your bike, using one hand to steer.

“Can I get a little help already?!”

“Sam-!”

“On it!”

Knowing that no matter how much they pissed each other off, Sam would make sure Bucky was okay and vice versa, you focused on getting to the top, where Walker and a buddy of his were struggling a little bit.

You climbed up to the roof of the semi no one was on, wincing when you heard your bike skidding across the pavement. There goes half your salary.

You couldn’t dwell on it for very long, considering one of the guys appeared in front of you. You recognized the fighting - the strength - and faltered, a memory resurfacing at a very bad time.

“C’mon, honey. You can do better than that.” Steve grinned at you, holding out a hand to help you up.

“Excuse me for not having super strength, Rogers.” You huffed out, taking it and letting him pull you up.

“You don’t need to be stronger than me. You just need to be smarter.”

“That’ll be easy.” You teased, stretching your arms before getting into your stance again. “You’re a dumbass sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, who chose to be friends with this dumbass?”

“Everyone needs a dumbass for a friend.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “So I’m your dumbass?”

“If you want.”

The grin he shot you made your heart skip a beat. “If you’ll have me.”

You blinked, but Steve wasn’t in front of you anymore and you weren’t in the gym in DC.

The guy caught the punch you distractedly threw and twisted your arm, making you cry out, kicking him in the back of the knee and flipping him over your shoulder.

You went to kick him again, but he caught your leg and threw you against the side of the other semi. You were able to grab onto where Bucky had ripped through the side, but you winced as the metal cut through your palm. Sam had just flown under the trucks, taking Buck with him, and you knew when a fight wasn’t worth it, so you quickly moved around the truck, letting Walker and his pal distract the Flag-Smashers, before letting yourself fall onto the side where the grass was.

You wanted to lay there, to catch your breath and curse yourself for getting distracted. You hadn’t had a flashback like that in a while. But you didn’t let yourself. You had to make sure the guys were okay.

Standing up made you cringe; you could feel the throbbing in your shoulder from where it was no doubt dislocated and your leg was aching, the muscle probably pulled when the guy threw you.

“Doll!” You turned, seeing Bucky and Sam sprinting towards you a few yards down the road. “Hey, hey.” Bucky immediately had his hands hovering over you, scanning your body. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, shoving his hands away. “I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“I think I dislocated it.”

Sam frowned. “What the hell happened?”

You gave him a weird look, starting to limp across the field to where you noticed a side road earlier. “They were super soldiers, Sam. And we got our asses kicked.”

“Yeah, but you know how to fight a super soldier-”

“It’s been a while.”

“Bullshit.” Sam side stepped in front of you, making you stop. “What happened?”

“I-I just got distracted, okay?”

“Y/N. Look at me.” Bucky took your face between his palms, eyes worried. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. A tired sigh left your lips and you looked anywhere but his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just hurting. My leg, I think I pulled it or something-”

“C’mere.” Bucky turned and crouched down, making you blink.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be walking. We don’t wanna make it worse.”

“But it’s just a strain, it won’t-”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Just get on the man’s back, Y/N.”

You bit your lip before sighing and carefully climbing on his back. He shifted you gently, making sure to hold your leg with caution, leaning his head into yours when you hooked your chin on his shoulder. “You-you don’t have to talk about what happened. Just-just know that when you do…I’ll be here, okay?”

You nodded, moving to press your nose against the column of his throat. “Okay.”

But you could never tell them. How could you? How could you tell the world’s longest POW that you were having nightmares? How could you complain to an Air Force vet who served two tours in Afghanistan and watched his best friend get blown out of the air that you were having flashbacks?

You weren’t sure if it was PTSD or anxiety or depression. Maybe all three. It didn’t matter, though, because you didn’t want to admit it. You wouldn’t admit it. No one thought the Blip messed you up that badly. No one thought Steve leaving did that much damage. And you were okay with that. You were okay with them thinking you were healing - that you were fine - because they needed to see that it could be done. That they could be fine, too. Especially the men walking, Sam teasing Bucky per usual.

It wasn’t until a horn honked that you allowed yourself to be pulled out of your thoughts. A scoff left you when you realized who it was, switching the side you were laying on so your cheek pressed up against the cool metal of his left shoulder, facing away from the jeep.

You tried ignoring the guy as he talked about working together and shit, taking a shuddering breath, making Bucky squeeze your uninjured thigh. There was no way you were working with him. You couldn’t. It’d be like betraying Steve and you didn’t need that on top of all the other things you were dealing with.

You couldn’t deny the need for a ride though. The airport was 20 miles away and you were hurting pretty bad. You suspected that was the reason the guys relented, Bucky tenderly setting you down in the jeep between him and Sam, careful of your injuries.

You stared at your lap as Walker and Sam talked shop. You understood where they were coming from, you were always able to see both sides of the coin, but it didn’t mean you were going to willingly work with him.

“I got mad respect for all of y’all, but you were kind of getting your asses kicked till we showed up.”

You scoffed at that, finally raising your eyes to meet Walker’s friend’s. “Like you were doing any better?”

Bucky reached over to grab her hand that was resting on her lap. “You know, I’ve been trying to get in contact with you.” Walker faced you, eyes raking down your form. Bucky shifted in his spot, but you ran your thumb over his knuckles before he could do or say anything stupid.

“Yeah. I know. My phone hasn’t stopped blowing up for a week. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Walker frowned. “If you just answered-”

“I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’ve been a little busy doing my job to blow smoke up your ass on national television. Sorry if my saving people’s lives has been an inconvenience for you, but some wannabe playing dress up isn’t my top priority.”

Walker’s brows furrowed and he was about to say something, when Bucky cut in, asking his friend who he was. You were already that close to jumping out of the jeep, when the guy, Hoskins, told you three that he went by ‘Battlestar’.

If the situation wasn’t so aggravating, you would’ve laughed when Bucky immediately told the driver to stop, opening the door before the car even stopped. “C’mere, doll.” He murmured, lifting you up into his arms bridal style, before walking off, tuning out Walker as he shouted after you two.

You pouted a little when you saw Sam still talking to the guy. “What’re they talking about, Buck?”

“Some nonsense about him not replacing Steve. Just trying to be the best Captain America he can.”

You laid your head against Bucky’s chest. “The best Captain America is Steve. He can never be Steve.”

“I know, doll.”

“Steve told me once that all he was trying to do was be a good man…it’ll always amaze me that he didn’t see he was the best.”

You missed the distraught look Bucky shot towards you, the look in his eyes almost heartbroken while you talked fondly about his best friend. The tortured scrunch to his features seemed to melt away at your next words, though, and he held you tighter as you curled into his hold.

“Just like it amazes me that you don’t know how important you are to me too, Buckaroo.”

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makeste · 4 years ago

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some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 306

mostly Deku angst, but also a little Baku angst (and some TodoBaku angst) mixed in for good measure. because there’s plenty of angst to go around.

1. “if I’d only been stronger...”

I’ll talk more about Deku later in this post as well, because there’s definitely plenty to talk about; this is the most character development he’s gotten in almost 200 chapters. but for starters, I want to discuss the possible parallels between Deku’s current character arc, and what is arguably the most iconic moment of angst/character development in the series.

remember how this kid, who up until this point had rarely seemed to give two fucks about the world around him, suddenly revealed that he blamed himself for being the downfall of All Might? remember how it came almost out of nowhere? how he’d been hiding it, and trying to suppress it? “but even if I try to forget... sometimes it all just comes rushing back.”

yeah. so anyway, I got to thinking -- if being the cause of one hero’s downfall could affect someone this badly, what about being responsible for the downfall of all heroes?

what if a boy who wanted nothing more than to keep people safe suddenly found himself at the epicenter of a disaster that killed hundreds, possibly even thousands of people?

now obviously, this is not the sole thing that’s troubling Deku right now; this kid has a whole array of traumas as of the War arc. like, you know it’s bad when Society As We Know It Coming To An End Partially Because Of You is the least of your problems. but still, I think this is worth bringing up, because the hero kids blaming themselves for things that aren’t their fault is hardly anything new. and yet, what with everything else that’s been going on -- all of the Todoroki drama, and Vestige revelations, and hospital antics, and political strife -- I feel like it’s easy to forget or overlook this little detail.

the fact is that AFO put this entire plan into motion solely in the hopes of finally obtaining OFA. every single thing that happened at Jakku -- Tomura powering up; Machia waking up and going on his rampage (after being ordered to do so by Tomura); and even Dabi/Touya choosing this moment to finally strike (because he knew this was when the reveal would do the maximum damage -- when people’s faith in heroes was already wavering) -- every last bit of it can ultimately be traced back to AFO’s desire to steal OFA. which, obviously, makes it AFO’s fault, not Deku’s. but then, Kamino wasn’t actually Katsuki’s fault either. it wasn’t his fault the villains went after him (but he blamed himself anyway), and it wasn’t his fault that people got hurt in the ensuing battle to save him (but he blamed himself anyway).

just. I think we’re underestimating just how strong of an impact all of this likely had on Deku. we haven’t really had the chance to see him process it yet. he’s been too busy, and there have been too many other things going on. but I’m telling you guys, that empty look in his eyes in the final page of the chapter? I can all but guarantee you that at least some of that emotional weight is coming from this.

sure would be nice if he had a friend who knew exactly what that was like, and could help him process the guilt and all of the other associated emotions, just like Deku once helped him. unfortunately I’m not so sure things will be that easy this time around. anyways though let’s move on to a couple of other thoughts and speculations.

2. “...and I bullied him.”

one of my least-favorite BnHA fanfic tropes is the one where the rest of class 1-A somehow finds out about Katsuki and Deku’s history -- i.e. that Katsuki bullied Deku throughout most of their childhood. mind you, it’s not the concept itself that I dislike; it’s mostly how it’s used. a lot of times it’s just an excuse to have all of the other kids turn on Katsuki and ostracize him; either because the author thinks that’s what he deserves, or else so that Deku can eventually come to his rescue and defend him and shame the rest of the class for not seeing how much he’s changed. either way, it’s usually pretty awkward to read, and more often than not the characters are pretty OOC (especially Ochako and Todoroki).

however! there’s a big difference between fanfic and canon, and just because I’m not a fan of this trope in the former doesn’t mean it couldn’t be executed well in the latter. and lately I’ve been thinking about this a lot. mainly for three reasons:

the recent (can we still call it recent?? well whatever) scene where Katsuki confessed to All Might that he used to bully Deku is now one of my favorite scenes in the entire series, and proof that this can be executed well.

both Todoroki and Deku have finally had their respective big secrets revealed to the rest of the class. so like, idk. feels like it just might be secret-revealing season now, you know?

and lastly, as a result of Deku’s secret about OFA finally being revealed, the rest of 1-A now either knows, or can extrapolate, that he used to be quirkless.

and from there, I feel like it’s not all that hard to put two and two together with how terrible Kacchan and Deku’s relationship was when they first started at UA. that’s not a terribly difficult puzzle to solve. so I feel like it might come out anyway, and if so, I’d prefer Bakugou telling them himself, and taking responsibility as part of his atonement process. because we know that he regrets it. we know their relationship has changed. we know that he has changed. and so I think I might like to see this.

alternately, if confessing to the entire class is too much, at the very least I could see him confessing to Shouto, because I’ve always felt like this was one of the big things that made Katsuki so resistant to letting Todoroki call him a friend. because I feel like there’s a part of Katsuki that saw the parallels between Endeavor’s abuse of Shouto and his own bullying of Deku, and thought, he wouldn’t be so quick to call me his friend if he actually knew the truth. and so there’s actually been this roadblock wedged between them this whole time that Shouto doesn’t even know about. because Shouto hates Endeavor. and so it’s not such a leap to assume he’d hate Katsuki too if he knew just how terrible he’d been to Deku when they were younger.

not that I think he actually would! actually I don’t think either of those things is actually true (because Shouto clearly doesn’t hate his father either, in spite of everything that’s happened). but the point isn’t what I think -- the point is what Katsuki thinks. and I really do think there’s a good chance he’s worried about Shouto hating him, and it’s one of the things that’s made him so reluctant to accept his friendship. anyway, so I’m really just rambling now, but you get my point. I don’t know if this is actually going to happen, but it’s a scene I would like to see if Horikoshi decides to indulge me.

3. “...so when you wake up, please give him my best.”

and now, as promised, back to Deku.

ngl guys, when I first saw this image, my immediate thought was that Gran must have died. because I mean, hello, leaving U.A.?? donning himself in his teacher’s old cape?? empty, exhausted look in his eyes?? what else were we supposed to think lol.

but maybe that was an overreaction. because when I think about it more, Gran’s death isn’t strictly necessary in order to push Deku over the edge. first of all, there’s already the whole “hero society is in ruins now because of you” thing I mentioned earlier. but also, there are just so many other things. like, let’s just list them here because omg. what a rough couple of days this kid had.

he was forced to battle TomurAFO and was terribly injured in the process (most of which was his own fault, but he wouldn’t have gone that far with OFA unless he felt like he had no choice)

and it wasn’t just him that was injured, either. in fact, even though he tried to act as bait to keep everyone else safe, he wasn’t able to stop three of the people closest to him from nearly being killed right before his eyes

and of course that last one was especially traumatic, because it was Kacchan, and because he had to watch Kacchan nearly die just to protect him. out of all the things that Deku witnessed in this arc, this might be the one that had the biggest impact on him

he was also basically helpless to do anything to protect Shouto and Endeavor when Dabi showed up. so again, we have this running theme of people he cares about being hurt and him not being able to save them

and he also got sucked into the OFA Interstellar Dream Vortex for a brief spell during the battle, during which he learned that AFO had possessed Tomura. more importantly, he learned that Tomura was Nana’s grandson, a fact which was only briefly touched on during that scene, but which I think wound up being the trigger to the whole avalanche that ended with Deku leaving UA. but more on that in a moment

anyway so just to wrap this all up, the battle eventually ended, Tomura got away despite all of their efforts, and then Deku wound up comatose in the hospital for two days. which brings us to the most recent chapters, during which

Deku learns that he will be the last wielder of OFA, whether he likes or not

Deku learns the identity of the last two mystery OFA users

and then at some point, he wakes up and presumably talks to Gran, and winds up with his cape

something happened during these last two scenes which helped to push Deku over the edge. I won’t delve into the matter of the Second or Third users for now, although most of you already know my suspicions regarding that, and I do think that would fit into the general pattern here (that is, the pattern of Deku feeling more and more strongly that he is putting the people around him in danger, and his fear of losing them becoming so overwhelming that it eventually pushes him to leave).

but that’s not what I want to talk about for now. what I want to talk about is Gran. specifically, what it is that Deku discussed with Gran. and this is where we come back to that reveal I mentioned earlier -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandchild.

basically, what I think happened is that Deku mentioned seeing Nana in the OFA Zany Psychedelic Spirit Void, which led to the topic of Tomura, and the fun fact Deku recently learned about him being related to Nana. this, in turn leads to Gran divulging his various regrets about everything that happened with him and Nana and Kotarou. his intent is to apologize to Deku for placing the burden of their failures on him. unfortunately, the part that Deku actually gets fixated on instead is this:

All for One hunted down and killed Nana’s son (and probably her husband as well), and stole her grandchild and psychologically tortured him into becoming a mass murderer, for no other reason than that Nana had once held OFA

in other words, AFO can and will hurt and kill anyone Deku is close to, anyone who has any kind of connection to him at all, without mercy, and regardless of whether it actually gives him any kind of tactical advantage or not. he’ll do it simply to hurt him. no other reason necessary.

I don’t know about you, but for me that would be a terrifying realization. and for Deku, I think it just might have been the tipping point.

so, let’s recap.

Deku learns that AFO is after him

AFO/Tomura very nearly kills several of Deku’s most important people, including Kacchan

and then he learns that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and realizes that all of their lives are still in danger and will continue to be as long as Deku is AFO’s target

and then add to all of this the misplaced guilt about society already being shambles, and the heroes already having more than enough to worry about. they’re barely holding things together as it is. and we already know how Deku feels about being a burden to them:

and so instead, he leaves. of course he does. in hindsight, I think this was inevitable.

the question is, did anyone else also put the pieces together in time to realize what Deku was planning before he actually left? specifically, did Katsuki, who understands Deku’s self-sacrificial nature better than anyone else, see the signs and put two and two together? like he did back at Jakku?

and if he did, would Deku have been willing to accept his help again?

somehow, I can’t help but think it might not be that easy this time.

anyway, so that was a lot of rambling, lol. sorry about that. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS about all of this angsty shit. tired nomad Deku needs hugs and comfort and someone to reassure him that he doesn’t have to face this alone, and that everything is going to be all right. HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY. this is too much, and I cannot handle any of these feels, and oh my god, somebody please help him.

#bnha 306 #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #gran torino #bnha meta #deku meta #bakugou meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #long post #bakudeku #todobaku

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softboywriting · 4 years ago

Text

Meet The Parents | Billy Russo

Summary: You introduce Billy to your parents and it doesn’t go as well as you hope. [Billy Russo x F!Reader] [Assistant!Reader Trope] [Alternate Timeline - Castle family not mentioned/never happened] [Fluff] [Problematic Parents/Divorced] [Parents Fighting] [Language] [Flirting] [Flashback/Nightmare]

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: This is a follow up to my first fic Little Moments but can be read separately as a stand alone story. I may be doing several in a series with these two.

---

The office is quiet, and has been for the whole day. Billy has been out at a client meeting since you got in. Anvil is becoming quite popular in the private military market, having taken on three new contracts in the last two weeks. You're proud of Billy, he works hard to win over his clients and offer top of the line service. As the primary contact for all contracts and placements, you've gotten busy too. More business means more expenses, and more employees to keep track of. You don't mind, it keeps you active and engaged. There is nothing more you hate than just sitting around staring at the wall or watching cat videos for the billionth time.

"Hey sweetheart."

You glance up from your work and see Billy closing the office door behind him. He's dressed up, black and grey patterned silk shirt, expensive black suit, the tailored jacket over his arm. He looks positively delicious if you do say so. Those shirts are the best thing you ever convinced him to wear.

"Hey yourself. How'd the meeting go?"

"Shitty." He sneers and tosses his jacket on his office chair. He begins unbuttoning the sleeves of his shirt to roll them up to his elbows. "The guy brought his daughter."

"Okay? What does she have to do with anything?"

Billy raises his eyebrows in an 'are you shitting me' expression. "His daughter is a model. Not naturally talented mind you, paid for by her daddy. Clearly he thought havin' her there would sway me into acceptin' the number he offered for the contract you wrote up. Like he's doing me a favor."

You stand and walk around the desk, eyes going up and down his chest. "You didn't do anything did you?"

"What kinda man do you think I am?" Billy walks you back against your desk, pinning you in with his hands on the top behind you. He drops his head to yours and stares at you with those dark endless eyes. "You think I'd fuck around?"

"I know you won't, you're too gone for me." You run your hands up his back and he arches against you. "Did she try?"

"She tried. Even sat on my lap."

"In front of her dad?"

"Mmmhmm." Billy drops his face to your neck and mouths at your skin. "I don't mind a little show and tell but even I got boundaries. Parental peepshows are off limits."

You laugh softly and he brings one hand against your lower back up to pull you against him. "Take it easy. You know the rules. No relationship stuff while I'm on the clock."

He groans, pulling his head back to look at you. "I need to touch you though. I don't want her lingering on me."

"I know." You step out of his hold and he lets his hand drag across your back as you escape his grasp. "Just another hour okay? I've gotta wrap a few things up."

Billy pulls his tie loose and unbuttons the top of his shirt. "Why did I ever make these rules?" He sinks down in his chair and spreads his legs, lolling his head against the back. He really is such a tempting little tease. How could you resist a man like that? Truth be told it's hard.

You take a seat behind your desk and focus your eyes on the invoices on screen. "You made them because you want Anvil to remain professional and not a playground."

"Bullshit."

"Your bullshit."

Billy bites his lip and gives you that look. The one that says he isn't to be messed with, that he's gonna get what he wants no matter what. And oh it's so tempting to get up and go sit on his lap in that chair. It's always been a fantasy of yours. One you haven't gotten to full fill due to his rules. He's really only cockblocking himself.

"C'mere."

"No, Billy."

"C'mon, be bad. Break my rules."

"No! You're such a jerk!" You laugh and he chuckles playfully. "We have dinner with my parents after this anyway. I'm not breaking your rules and getting all messy before we go see my parents. You hear? Parents."

"Always such a good girl."

"You like it."

"Damn right I do." He pushes up out of his chair and crosses the office to cradle your head and press a chaste kiss to your temple. "I'm gonna go home and get ready. Anything you want me to lay out for you? I think you've got a few things at the apartment."

"The blue dress. I picked it up from the cleaners last week with a few suits. It should be in your closet."

"The one I bought you a while back for the client dinner?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't that a little revealing for a parents dinner?"

You raise your eyebrows and he narrows his eyes.

"You're a monster." He presses his lips to your ear. "If you keep teasing me I'll have to put you in your place."

"I guess I'm a glutton for punishment."

"Oh sweetheart, you have no idea what you're askin' for." Billy kisses your cheek and steps away. "Playin' with fire will get you burned."

You smile innocently. "See you later."

"You're terrible." He goes to the door and stops, looking back once more. "But I love you."

"Love you too Billy."

"Ugh," he groans, slapping a hand over his chest. "Say it again."

"Love you?" You giggle and he acts even more dramatic, pretending to swoon against the door. "What are you doing?"

"Being you."

"Wh- you son of a bitch! Get out!" You throw your squishy stress ball at him and he cackles as he runs from the office. What a child.

_____________________

"Oh, this is your boyfriend?" Your mother asks in actual surprise. As if you weren't meant to have a man that looks like Billy Russo. Truth be told you had never dated anyone half as attractive, not to you anyways. "He's so...well dressed."

Billy takes your mom's hand and kisses it politely. "We're all well dressed here ma'am. You look lovely too."

"Thank you." She flushes and giggles.

Billy gives a warm smile and tugs you closer. His hand on your back is radiating heat, its comforting. He knows you're tense. This dinner will be a strain on your nerves and he had been warned how difficult your parents can be.

"Your father should be here soon. I told him not to be late." Mom says huffily, eyeing the doors to the restaurant. You've met up with her outside and you're currently waiting for your dad to arrive. Your parents have been split for ten years and it's been hard, but not as hard as it would have been if they had divorced when you were still a young child. Well, you like to think that anyways. They waited, held on to their shit until you were graduated and old enough to understand that some people don't remain in love.

Billy leans in and presses his lips to your ear. "Are your parents going to fight? This place is very nice, I don't want to cause a scene."

"It'll be fine. They can hold it together for a few hours. I hope. Just don't mention their personal lives. It's a sore spot for mom. Dad isn't single anymore."

"Gotcha."

"Sorry I'm late." You turn and see your dad walking towards you. "Some asshole parked his Rolls Royce just on the line and I hardly squeezed into the only spot open beside it."

Mom scoffs and rolls her eyes. She bites her tongue but you know what she would say. Some comments about his truck being too damn big and a gas guzzler.

Dad puts his hand out for Billy. "You must be the lucky guy!"

Billy takes it and smiles a beautiful, toothy, shit eating grin. "Billy Russo, the asshole who parked his Rolls Royce a bit close to the line."

The way Dad's face turns pale and then red with embarrassment makes the whole evening worthwhile up until then. "That's yours?"

"One hundred percent. Bought and paid for."

"That's a beautiful piece of machinery. Expensive."

Billy leans his head on yours. "I only go for the best."

"Well you know I-"

"Oh shut up already, let's go inside." Mom says and grabs your dad's arm. "Always babbling on about shit when we've got things to do."

"Y'know what-" the conversation fades as your parents head into the restaurant. You're glad. It is bound to be petty anyways. Always was with them. Bickering children they should be called.

"Relax." Billy says in your ear, hand traveling up and down your side. "I can win over your parents for one night."

"You could charm anyone into anything and I've seen as much. You're a silver tongued sn-"

Billy catches your jaw in a light hold and presses a kiss to your lips. Your hand slides up into his hair and he grins into the kiss. "Easy now. We've not even gotten seated yet."

"Your fault."

"Usually is."

____________________

You stare at yourself in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. Dinner wasn't going so great and you had barely made it through an appetizer and drinks.

Your parents couldn't stop arguing, Billy was trying his best to charm them but apparently they're uncharmable, and you were left to play referee for your parents against each other or them against you and Billy.

It is a whole mess and you want to just leave, just walk out say fuck everything and go to Billy's apartment and go to bed. You haven't even had a chance to tease Billy like you were planning, hell, you've barely gotten a word in that wasn't defending him or fielding your parents insults they continuously hurdled over the table at one another.

The door rattles on your left and you clear your throat. "Occupied!" You shout and it stops.

It's a single use bathroom, not a multi-stall type set up. So the person outside would just have to wait until you were done having your crisis. Maybe not so fair to them but you'll be damned if you won't let yourself have a moment.

The handle turns and you back into the sink as the door opens. To your surprise it is Billy, not some worker with a key. "What the-"

"Your parents are insufferable. How the hell did you grow up with them? I mean I was in a group home and a few of the adults weren't great but holy shit they weren't my parents."

"I'm sorry."

Billy closes the door and shakes his head, taking your hands in his. "Don't be sorry for their actions. Never apologize for anyone but yourself."

"I knew this would happen. I just thought that maybe...I don't know...maybe they'd be different. Maybe they'd be proud of me, of you, so they would get along for two fucking hours."

"Sweetheart, you're nearly thirty, you're still seeking your parents approval?"

You laugh joylessly and bite the inside of your cheek. "You don't understand. You can't understand."

Billy brings your forehead to his lips and he rubs your back. He's always so affectionate with you, careful to hold and to love you like a man who never received it himself so he wants to make sure those he loves receives it tenfold.

"I understand seeking approval, but there is nothing you need approval for. You're an adult with a good job, a place to stay, an outstanding boyfriend with his own company. I'd say you're doin' alright honey."

You let out an actual little laugh, and he does too, bumping his nose against yours. "You're so full of yourself."

"You like that?" He bumps again, eyes on yours. "I said it to get you to giggle."

"You know it's a little true."

His lips meet yours in a warm tender kiss. "Confidence is sexy."

"It is."

"I could tell your parents there's a work emergency." He slides his hands over your ass and pulls you flush against him. "A real pain in the ass employee is causin' trouble."

You smile into his lips and he smiles back. "Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

He chuckles softly and cradles your head to his chest. "You can't choose how your family acts. Remember that. It's up to you to decide how you act, and if you want to deal with them."

"I know."

"Do you?" He runs a hand over your hair, tangling his fingers in the strands briefly.. "I know it's different for you, I can distance myself easier since I didn't grow up with proper parents. Maybe I'm cold, or indifferent but-"

"Stop." You dig your fingers into his side and he falls quiet. "Don't compare your childhood to mine. It's not fair. I don't want you to begin resenting me because-"

Billy gives you a look that is all warning and it silences you instantly. "I would never resent you for having parents and growing up like a normal kid should. I ended up in a shit situation and that is no one's fault but my own mother's. She is the only person I will ever resent." He softens, leaning in and kissing your nose. "Do you wanna ditch or go try to make something of this dinner?"

You swallow harshly and look at the door. Ditching would be easy, but the repercussions would be insufferable. Your mom would never stop calling about it, your dad would hold it over your head forever. It would be more of a disaster to leave than it would be to stay. No matter how valid the reason.

"We'll stay. I can try and redirect the conversation."

"That's my girl." He pats your cheek. "Proud of you."

"T-thanks."

Billy takes your hand and interlocks your fingers with his. "I'll take care of it. I can get them to shut up."

"If you can get a word in."

"I have my ways. Don't worry."

You cut him a look as you exit the bathroom and head for the table. "What are you-"

"Don't worry." He presses against your ear and guides you down to sit at the table.

Your parents are still bickering.

"Hey!" Billy says firmly with his hands on the table, not a yell, but enough to get his point across and the attention of your parents but not many others.

"Yes?" Mom asks surprisingly quietly.

Billy smiles and it's all venom, beautiful venom. You know this look, these eyes, that deadly grin. He isn't fucking around and the way he can express that so physically subtly astounds you. "The arguing is going to stop. The petty comments are going to stop. We're going to sit here and have conversations like adults, or you can leave and your daughter and I will have a nice dinner."

"Wh-" Dad starts but doesn't get any further.

"I am not goin' to repeat myself." Billy stands up straight and raises his eyebrows, daring your parents to say another word. The tension is thick, you can hardly breathe. Never did you think you'd have to witness Billy being like this with your parents of all people.

You grab a roll from the basket at the center of the table and pick at it. "How's work been, Dad?"

Dad clears his throat. "Good, busy. People always need an electrician for something. I did a school the other day, new classroom."

Billy sits beside you and lays his hand on your leg, thumb stroking your skin gently. He leans in and whispers "I told you don't worry." He turns his attention back to your parents. "So you're an electrician? Contractor?"

"Yeah, I work for Mundun Electric. Union job, pays well."

"And you?" Billy looks to your mom.

"I'm a medical receptionist. Clarke Center Hospital."

Billy smiles. "That's incredible. You're both hardworking people it seems, I see where she gets her work ethic. She's incredible, the best I've hired for Anvil."

You chew your lip and look down, flushed. "You're just being nice."

"I'm serious." He holds your hand up and kisses your knuckles. "I admire your dedication and the hard work you've put into making Anvil a success. Without you, I don't know where I'd be. Probably buried in paperwork."

"So you work for Billy? That's how you met?" Mom asks and you nod.

Dad raises his eyebrows.

"Dad, don't start."

Billy cuts a glare at your dad. "Don't start what?"

"Nothing." Dad says nonchalantly, eyes going to somewhere else in the room. "I just think inter-workplace relationships are never a good idea."

You squeeze Billy's hand and he just smiles oh so sweetly. "Dad, it's fine. Billy and I are both professionals. If things don't work out we'll make it work for the sake of the company."

"He'll fire you and you'll be looking for a job yet again." Mom pipes up, rolling her eyes. "See, things like this are why you can't hold a career."

"Mom!"

"Alright." Billy says firmly. "We're done here. Ma'am, sir, with all due respect you can both go fuck yourselves."

"Excuse me!?" Dad bellows and your mom looks flustered at the use of language. "You have no right-!"

"Actually I do." Billy stands and guides you to stand with him. "I'm going to love and care about your daughter the way she should be. You two are self absorbed monsters who should have never had a child, let alone forced the one you had to live through a loveless marriage. The fact that you cannot manage to sit here and have dinner with her and myself, which mind you has left quite a first impression, is sad and disappointing."

You grab his hand and you're shaking. You don't even know what to say. It's like Billy is telling them everything you've wanted to for your whole life.

"C'mon sweetheart." He puts his arm around you and guides you out of the restaurant. You know there are people staring but it's fine. It's over now.

"I'm s-"

"Uh uh." Billy puts his finger to your lips. "No apologies. Here." He shrugs his suit jacket off and puts it around your shoulders.

"Thanks."

"You wanna get out of here before your parents come out. Go get some burgers or something?"

You can't help the little smile that tugs at the corner of your mouth. "Pete's Diner?"

"Anywhere you like." He takes your hand and walks you toward the parking area. "Fuck this fancy bullshit anyway. I never understood the food they serve."

"Me neither. A hamburger and fries with a big ole pickle is good enough for me."

Billy opens the passenger door for you. "You're a girl after my heart y'know that?"

"I think I already have it."

He leans in and kisses your forehead. "That's for damn sure."

_____________________

Midnight you wake up crying. A nightmare, a reoccurring one as it would be. Though it is more of a twisted memory than a nightmare in actuality.

You are always around seven or eight years old, it's nighttime, you've been in bed for an hour and still not asleep. Downstairs your parents are awake, their disembodied voices float through the old floors. Their voices grow louder, shouting, screaming at each other. A glass shatters and you crawl under the bed. Footsteps come closer in the hall, heavy and slow.

The dream shifts. You're not a child but an adult. Under the bed is smaller now, the footsteps grow louder. The door opens and you scream when your foot is grabbed and you wake up crying.

"What's wrong?" Billy asks, sitting up in bed abruptly and turning on the light, hand instinctively going for the nightstand where you know a weapon is stored.

You had stayed the night, both of you decided it was best to stay together while you decompress from your tragic meet the parents dinner. Didn't matter in the end though. The nightmare still came.

"Just a bad dream. I'm going to get some water." You push back the blankets and plant your feet on the cold floor. It's a nice shock to the system, reminding you this is reality.

Billy's arm snakes around your waist. "Care to share with the class?"

"It's nothing. Just a nonsense dream about old crap."

"Your parents?"

"Yeah. Um, just a dream." You yawn and pat his hand on top of your stomach. "I need water."

"Grab me a bottle?"

"Sure."

You end up in the kitchen, looking out at the New York skyline. His place is so beautiful. It's luxurious, and you can't get used to it. You lean on the island and sip a bottle of cold water from the fridge. You don't think you belong here.

Then the dream comes creeping back in. Rationally you know that dream is never going to become a reality. Not with Billy around.

"Hey."

You look back to see Billy walking in with his sleep pants low on his hips. He scrubs a hand over his face before meeting you at the island.

"Sorry, I just got caught up in the view."

"It s'okay." His arms wrap around you and he presses his face to your neck. "I love you." He whispers softly into your skin.

"Are you alright?"

"Mmm."

You thread a hand into his hair and scratch at his scalp. It elicits a hum that's nearly a purr against your back. "Do you ever feel like you don't deserve this? Like everyday you can't comprehend that you're loved."

"I didn't think I could fall in love before I met you, yeah. I'm familiar."

"Oh."

"Wasn't expecting that?" He chuckles, flexing his fingers against your tummy.

You shake your head and he kisses along your jaw. "Billy, stop," you giggle as his short beard tickles your skin.

"No way." He starts walking you back away from the island counter and toward the bedroom. "I've got a disease and if I don't kiss you all the time I'll definitely succumb to it."

The two of you tumble onto the bed and he straddles your hips, mouthing at your neck and chest relentlessly.

"It's three in the morning. We need to go back to sleep."

Billy hums and settles on top of you, nose in your hair. "Sleep is for the weak."

"Then I'm weak." You trail a hand up his back, fingers flitting over his shoulder blade. His skin is so soft, so warm. "Thank you by the way."

"For what?"

"Being here when I had a nightmare."

"Of course." Billy pets your hair, stroking it down against the pillow. "I've suffered my share of them alone. I'm glad you were here so you weren't."

"Me too."

"Go to sleep." He kisses your cheek and rolls off to the side. His arm curls around you and pulls you close. "Love you."

"Love you too."

_____________________

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