#nice comments and tags are always appreciated on my meta posts im giving you a little treat and a sticker 💜

[greghousebignaturals]

Okay back on my bullshit about episode 3x12.

The patient asks House, "has anything terrible ever happened to you?"

And House panics and sedates her when she says she's just trying to give him what he wants, a conversation that matters.

House goes to Wilson first and he's the only one who asks House, "has your life sucked?" Which is a completely different question than what his patient asked, but he at least asked instead of projecting. He gets to the heart of it, she wants House to be real, to tell the truth, and it scares House. Wilson wants him to tell the truth and overcome that fear and move beyond science, into the realm of emotions and feeling, a recurring theme in their relationship.

House goes to Cameron, "tell her your life has been good." House replies, "it hasn't been". "Tell her anyways, she wants hope, that what happened to her wasn't the norm, that things can be okay for her again." This is so inherent to who Cameron is, prioritizing false hope and comfort so people are buffered from reality for as long as possible. We see it in her patient this episode, the young woman she befriends who's going to die in an earlier season, her dead husband. Her life hasn't been bad, she's helped a lot of people, what's happened to her isn't normal, so at some point statistically things will get normal for her. She's fine (she's not), she'll be okay (she hopes).

House goes to Foreman, "tell her your life sucked." "It didn't." "Tell her anyway, she wants to know she's not alone, she wants to know she's going to survive this, that other people have been through this and worse and come out the other end. She wants to know she's going to heal. Act like you've healed." Again this is so indicative of Foreman's character. He's put up a lot of walls, and he's done whatever he's needed to and then some to get where he is today. Sometimes you've gotta lie to get ahead, it is what it is. He's self taught himself in order to get into college and med school, he's stolen people's articles, he's turned his back on his brother because if he turned his life around, why didn't his brother? It has to be inherent within himself. Sometimes things suck, but you pull yourself together and move on; if youre strong enough you can do this. People have gone through worse than him and come out the other side better than him. He's pretending this doesn't bother him. He does his best to pretend his feelings about this aren't complicated. He's fine (he's not), he's moved on (he hasn't).

House goes to Chase, "tell her...keep her asleep." Chase never got closure with his dad, never had a blow out argument about how shitty it was that his dad left him as a child in the care of his alcoholic mother. How damaging that was to him, and how it defined so much of his character. He now never will get the chance to talk with his dad, and his only option is to try to move on alone, truths unshed to the person he should have shared them with. Just...leave her asleep. He's fine, there's no other choice.

One truth, two lies, and an abstention as advice. There is no way for House to truly give a whole, complete, unbiased statement about the trauma he very much still has effects from so that this woman can extrapolate and apply it to her own life. As he tells Chase, there is a right answer, probably out there somewhere, but we just don't know what it is. House somehow wraps all of the advice he received into what he tells her. He initially tells most of the truth (Wilson), but he abstains from telling her it was his father (Chase). He admits that what happened to him, while it sucked, was not as bad as what he thinks happened to her - drawing from Foreman. He even tried giving her some hope if you squint - his parents never knew, and that's why they never stopped his grandmother. It's not like they're bad people (Cameron)! It's just so interesting to me how House decided to prioritize their advice into the answer he gave her but that's another post tbh.

Unlike his fellows House doesn't pretend to be okay, he's fundamentally not. He's not going to be okay, he can't pull himself together, he can't move on alone. His patient is the only one who doesn't let him slide, who doesn't take his lies, his deflections, his snide comments as an excuse to move on but continues to point blank ask him to be not okay with her. She doesn't want to be not okay alone, but then again neither does he. So he brings her to a jogging park where he watches people living a life he can no longer have so they can be not okay together - a jogging park that while both Wilson and Cuddy find him there, are willing to come to him in his solitude to be there for him, it's implied he's never mentioned it to them and he's never brought them there to share in his vulnerability.

Sometimes hope and healing looks like talking to a Dr. Stone in a hospital bed, and sometimes it looks like finding a person just as alone and sad as you, and him sharing a beautiful place he can no longer enjoy, where nobody is watching and there are no right or wrong answers because neither of you ask any questions.

[viriyanon]

this is so sappy but im sentimental. i'd like to say thank you to my mutuals. i dont know how to explain the feeling inside, it's weird. it's just, thank you. thank you is the only way to deliver it really. i may sound freak at the first time, unhinged at the second time, and chaotic childish at the third time. maybe my humour doesn't fit well or i annoy you with tag and ask games or im a vibe killer in chats or i fill your dash with posts from another dramas that you don't and/or won't watch but really. thanks. thanks for sticking around and make this quarantine as a third year student less suck. thanks for considering me as a friend, or acquaintance, if ur uncomfortable. thank you for interacting with me and appreciating my works and dealing with my chaotic ass. thank you for being my english speaking(?) writing(?) partner because im not a native and i need to keep practicing and advancing it. thank you for educating me about things my country isn't yet aware, through contents that you reblogs or even your own written opinion so i can be a kind of agent of change among my small circles of friends, family, etc.

thank you ppdcc crew, my first mutuals in this damn website. thank you lara for reaching out first thru dm i remember you commented abt a remark in my atots meta, if only my assignment was this interesting. and im happy that i finally have a tumblr friend (i had to be so awkward and weird back then, sorry lara 😞). thank you orthy for being so nice, so warm and welcoming, and so supportive to me youre like that mom on the bleacher with a camera and a a pair of sunglasses on the olympic day at school. thank you quan for your friendliness it always moves my heart even until now. thank you nads for your straightforward writings that i relate to a lot and also appreciation to my works (tbh i used to be scared of u, for no reason, i feel like ur gonna kick my ass but now i know ur just another sweet human dw i have no fear 😉) thank you nuria for sharing about yourself and welcoming me if i need the adulthood 101 talk and encouraging me to do what i really want in life even if it may cost me something but i should always try. thank you laura for your appreciation and supportive tags under my works and for hyping le wingmen with me, esp yod :"). thanks oli for immediately screaming about phutian (this is what i remember) in the beginning when i tagged ur post with "pls scream with me". and also for writing metas along with me and nads back in the atots day. i see three different pov for a certain scene/episode and i love that diversity. and other atots fams who i rarely talk to but know youre there and are the part of the family too, thank you too.

thank you too sass, mom friend 1, for reminding me to sleep and for your sexy creative juices and for being very supportive and warm. (pls let me have the aoty 2021). thank you jaz, mom friend 2, who i can easily talk to abt everything and for introducing me to the world of beautiful poems from around the world so now i can make more aesthetic contents. thank you mish, my tumblr baba, for translating english to 'russian-approved' russian and for being chaotic with me in the k&h fandom. during that aoty mess, i realize we probably are the craziest people in the fandom atm. thank you sof for helping me with my gifset and also providing me with sudden earth/atots related contents, i didn't see that coming sis. thank you mar whose tags always excite me and you do give a lot of ideas for sass, thank you for the supplies so we can enjoy sass' fic. thank you jina for providing us with top-tier contents and even though you don't do many tag games, you still do one for me and sass. thank you mahan for your junchun requests. tbh i saw them really as a side pairing only, i barely grew feelings for them. but now i do, i see them in a different light thanks to you. and other content creators who keep the angst real. thank you so much, you make my days wonderful. and you also make my uni assignments look even shittier than they already do, thank you so much.

the people in this post:

@atotsphutian @ataleofthousandstars @billkinsdancing @systoles-lfc @phapundao @thebadmoonsrising @nct-oli @the-sassiest-trixster @jazthespazz @mishathewtf @nineninepetals @marulo @itsdeanwinchester @mahan734

[angel-deux-writes]

Hi Angel! I've been a big fan of yours since HCM, and so I wanted to express my concern for your wellbeing. There was that big break when you took a month or so to finish HCM before posting it in quick succession, in order to not have to deal with the comments. Now, from what you've been writing in the notes to Dorne Rights, it looks like you are experiencing something similar. The selfish fan in me wants you to keep writing and keep posting, but the basic human in me is more worried that (1/2)

you are unhappy. Nothing is worth making yourself unhappy over, particularly not something that’s meant to give you pleasure. A favourite author of mine back in the days of my Spike/Angel obsession had a disclaimer on her stories telling readers to please not leave feedback of any kind, not even constructive criticism, on her fics because she finds them unhelpful. Her comment section was full of chats about various topics in that fandom, rather than her own fiction. Might help. (2/2)

Hello! I really appreciate this message, because you’re right: fanfic writing isn’t good for me.

(lol putting this beneath the cut because it’s way too long)

It’s actually my experience in this fandom that has made me realize that writing in general probably isn’t good for me, but unfortunately I feel a drive to it and can’t seem to stop myself from thinking I’ll one day get published, so that’s a bit of a downer. The truth is that I’m naturally disposed toward thinking that I’m shit, my words are shit, and every thought I’ve ever had is unoriginal and poorly written. It’s always been like that, from the time I wrote my first attempt at fiction at 7 years old to now at 31. It takes a lot for me to share my writing with people. I started writing fic at 14, basically as soon as I discovered that I wasn’t the only person composing stories about Han and Leia in their free time. I’m sure that my fics were horrendous. I give myself a hard time now, but 14 year old me probably deserved it even more. But there were sweet people on the internet who encouraged me (and lied to me) and told me that my stories were good, and that made a huge difference. 

(that and my freshman year english teacher, who was very very cute and earnest and young and made me feel like I could actually be a writer.)

I’ve never been a part of a fandom before. Discourse and meta and long discussions about canon events have never interested me. I’ve said that before, and it remains true! I consume what canon there is, and sometimes I like it, and sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I’m so dissatisfied with it that I need to write something, and so I do. I don’t think I’ve ever written fic for something that I found entirely satisfactory. The extension of my being part of an actual fandom in the past was probably reblogging a few gifsets and recommending it to friends. I’ve just never had that sort of communal experience. This, the J/B fandom, was my first time really getting into it. It’s the first time I’ve ever made friends online that weren’t just frequent commenters on long multichapter fics! It has been exciting and I’m grateful for it! It’s just also probably not good for me. 

It’s just, like, every time I post something, I’m fighting a very loud and very desperate voice in my head that’s saying “you’re shit and you shouldn’t bother”. It’s why I’m so good at writing first drafts of novels but so, so bad at getting past the second. It’s why I usually post fics only until I’ve worked out my frustrations: one or two fics per fandom and then ghosting away forever. It’s very hard to defy that voice and post something anyway, and this fandom experience has taught me that no matter HOW many stories I post, I’m ALWAYS going to have to fight that voice. And it’s gotten actively stronger. “You’re not what this fandom wants” “You’re not good at this” “Everyone’s just being nice” “You’ve overstayed your welcome”. Paying attention, often by accident, to the discourse and the metas only makes it worse, because my brain automatically turns to “well YOU don’t write them like that. That means you’re wrong”. I can tell myself as many times as I want that I myself like many different interpretations of J/B! My brain goes “yeah, but you’re just an idiot who doesn’t know any better. There’s a right way, and you’re not doing it”. 

THIS IS ALL SO DRAMATIC! But it’s just the truth! Every time I post something, it’s against my nature. NO ONE outside of fandom reads my writing! I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve allowed my close friends and family to read things. So while it may seem like, idk, like I should just be able to get over it, negative comments, or even SLIGHTLY critical comments, really hit me hard. For all the positive feedback I get (and I really AM super grateful for it, and it means the world to me), those few critical voices seem louder because they’re agreeing with what I have already known about myself. And so it feels almost like a victory, but a shitty one. “Ha! I was right this whole time! I AM a shit writer, and I’ve for some reason tricked those other people into thinking I’m good!” 

For a long time (much longer than I’ve ever written for any other fandom, obviously), I was able to shove it to the side. The J/B fandom HAS been super good to me, and they HAVE been wonderful about giving me feedback and making me feel welcome and included. But those negative voices are just SO LOUD to me, even though I know logically that they shouldn’t be. 

It would be easy to point to a specific problem and say that my issues will be fixed if only I can address that. I do it CONSTANTLY. Maybe if I stopped tagging other relationships. Maybe if I stopped tagging other characters. Maybe if I tagged my works super specifically. Maybe if I made author’s notes about how I’m a shit writer and people shouldn’t expect things from me. Maybe if I just wrote “THIS STORY IS WRITTEN ALREADY AND IM JUST EDITING AS I GO! PLEASE DONT SUGGEST THINGS!” I just feel like, increasingly, I want fewer and fewer eyes on my fics. It’s the opposite of the problem I thought I would have. But my confidence took a huge hit with HCM, and then I was finally feeling good enough to post Dorne Rights. It was probably a mistake! 

idk, maybe it’s just all the shit that’s going on in the world + in my personal life. Maybe it’s just time. Maybe I’m just running out of inspiration. But the positive voices aren’t loud enough to drown out my own negative self-voice this time, and so I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle it. Part of me wants to delete Dorne Rights with the intention of reworking it and maybe posting it again down the line with fewer tags and a lot more reminders that people can write their own stories if they don’t like mine. Part of me wants to just do a HCM and post it all at once so that I can leave the finished product up (even if I now think the entire thing is garbage). Part of me wants to stop writing fic entirely, at least until the next time I watch something with an ending so bad it fucks me up. I think my solution will probably be a massive step back from fandom for a little while. I’ve been feeling a drive to work on my original stuff, and I should probably lean into that. I would like to still write and post J/B, once I find the inspiration, but I’m tired of feeling like this is a job. I think I got so deeply sunk into this attitude of “I NEED to write and post constantly because these people want me to, and they actually like what I write!!” that I stopped writing things because I wanted to write them and started writing them because I wanted to write things for other people, to make other people happy, and so that they could tell me that I’m not a shit writer at all.

I should make it clear that I do intend to write my JB fic swap thing FOR SURE. I will drag that story out of myself no matter what. But in general it’s probably just healthier for me to not spend so much time On Here especially, and on fic in general.

[smallforone-blog]

Rules

Attention!:

Some of my muse’s thoughts and behaviors are problematic. He is a victim of emotional neglect and sexual abuse, from a toxic household, and has developed deviant sexual and social tendencies in response to this trauma. Notably, he exhibits some narcissistic and sociopathic traits, has a poor/flawed understanding of appropriate sexual behavior, enjoys manipulating people, mocks/criticizes/verbally abuses others especially when stressed/defensive, possesses low empathy, and passes blame to excuse his behavior. Depending on when in his timeline he is being portrayed (before or during/after intensive therapy in third year high school), these facets may be more or less pronounced, controlled, or acknowledged by him.

I have a zero tolerance policy for criticism or accusations regarding my decision to portray these serious, dark themes. I do not condone my muse’s views and actions, nor do I fetishize them. If you are uncomfortable with these themes, please block the appropriate tags. If you object to the entire principle of writing them, please unfollow. Simple. You are always welcome to ask me respectful questions regarding what/how I play, but casting judgment will not be accepted.

How I Play:

I am non-private semi-selective, meaning we do not have to be mutuals in order to interact and create threads, but I am still entitled to declining something I don’t want to engage in.

I may not follow back for myriad reasons all regarding my personal preferences (muse identity, characterization choices, writing style/ability, frustrating blog layout, missing rules/info, etc). Please do not take this personally. If this happens, you are still welcome to initiate interaction with me in any way, IC or OOC!  Also, if I do follow back, I definitely want to RP with you!

I will likely unfollow and decline to interact if you have too much OOC drama/fandom hate/anti behavior/bullying/callouts/discourse/politics/worldview on your blog. HUGE pet peeves of mine. I repeat, I do not support callout culture.

I am very uncomfortable with interacting with duplicates of my muse. It is absolutely my own failing and insecurity, but even just reading about others of the same muse triggers my inferiority/superiority complex, and I feel very sensitive. I wish it were not this way and could better interact with my fellow muns with good taste in muse, but this is currently not the case. Again, nothing personal is intended, but I will most likely not be able to interact with the blogs of duplicates for my own personal comfort. (This is 100% not the case for other fans of the muse or meta/fanfic writers; come to me!)

Multimuse blogs generally make me uncomfortable for various reasons, so unless I make a rare exception, I probably won’t follow (though I repeat you are still free to interact with/follow me).

I operate my muse based on what I feel is in his character to do at that moment. Sometimes that makes planning difficult, because he may not respond to a circumstance in a way I anticipated. Sorry if things do not go as planned. But I do also love plotting and overthinking things, and I think the more we communicate about what’s going on, the more we’ll both be on the same page.

I am willing to play scenes including sex/smut, gore/violence, angst, horror, abuse, torture, my character’s death, etc., and there will likely be somewhat disturbing content like this on this blog, especially considering his personality flaws and history of abuse. They will be tagged with “cw:” followed by the label.

I have severe depression and social anxiety with unpredictable mood/energy/motivation swings. I have a history of sporadic activity sometimes, and I know that is inconvenient, sorry! Also, in general I’d tell you I am slow at responding.

I may drop a thread due to general life anxiety, lack of ideas, or loss of inspiration, my deepest apologies. Don’t feel bad and do feel free to continue interactions with my muse in the future!

If you are RPing smut with me and I do not know your age, I assume you are above the age of consent. I am uncomfortable with roleplaying smut with underage individuals, so please refrain if you are under age 18.

What I Appreciate:

I am a huge fan of thorough communication. Notably, if you are planning on attempting to kill or torture my muse, it would be nice for some notification of this (either in the post/tags or in a message) at least one post beforehand.

Let me know if something I’m doing in a thread with you is making you uncomfortable. I myself am comfortable with exploring some very dark themes. I will do my part to check your blog rules, and I apologize if I am ever forgetful about anything mentioned.

Please try to refrain from controlling my muse’s thoughts and actions (unless that is your muse’s quirk; ask me).

Please try to remember to start a new post instead of reblogging an ask post over and over. I literally do not care, but some people whose dash I may show up on do care, and I’d rather give the people what they want.

I would rather non-RP blogs not reblog my RP threads (but following me and ‘liking’ them is totally okay)! Headcanons I’m going to say are generally okay to reblog, because I appreciate that others enjoy them. Just don’t steal them for your own muse or anything--like, especially the really specific/original ones.

I am not an artist and none of the art on this blog is mine. However I do edits on various images from time to time, usually tagged as such if significant enough. If you are the artist of something on my blog and want it taken down, message me! Similarly, I find it unsettling for others to use my significant edits meant for my muse in particular as their RP blog dash icons, so please don’t do that; I...think that’s fair and makes sense...? ? If you’re not sure, you can totally ask me about it.

What Is Acceptable:

Always feel free to send me an ask, IM, or communicate in our RP thread if you have something to say or ask. Or if you just have a random comment! Seriously, anything.

If it seems like I’ve forgotten about a thread or neglected to respond and you you really want to continue it, feel free to message me to remind/ask about it.

Let me know if there is something you want tagged, and I will try to accommodate with what I see as reasonable.

I am 100% cool with us engaging in more than one thread at once. Do it.

Pretty much all the memes in my #memes tag are always open. Meaning as long as you specify which one you’re referencing, you can send it in any time, even if I reblogged the post ages ago.

I selectively accept OCs and characters from other fandoms. It would be nice to have a little background on them first (either in a message or a link to info), especially if I am unfamiliar with the character or fandom (just assume I am). I may not be capable of responding if I don’t have enough knowledge about what I’m doing.

I am okay with roleplaying total AUs (as in, a completely different setting), but it is not my default preference. The best way to go about seeing if I’m interested would probably be to message me.

#info is my tag for posts with further information about my RP tendencies, habits, and preferences. Reading those is absolutely not obligatory but just there in case you want to know more!

[r-2d-01-a-n-blog]

Rules

Feel free to focus on bolded sections to skim for the subject of every bullet point. I’m way too wordy, but I just want to be informative. I’m not actually very strict or demanding!

How I Play:

I am non-private semi-selective, meaning I do not have to be following you in order to for us to interact and create threads, but I am still entitled to decline anything I don’t feel the desire to engage in.

I may not follow back for myriad reasons all regarding my personal preferences (characterization choices, writing style/ability, frustrating blog layout, missing rules/info, etc). Please do not take this personally. If this happens, you are still welcome to initiate interaction with me in any way, IC or OOC!  Also, if I do follow back, I definitely want to RP with you!

I will likely unfollow and decline to interact if you have too much OOC drama/anti behavior/fandom hate/bullying/callouts/discourse/politics/worldview on your blog. HUGE pet peeves of mine. I repeat, I do not support callout culture.

I tend to be uncomfortable with interacting with duplicates of my muse. It is absolutely my own shortcoming and insecurity, but even just reading about others of the same muse often triggers my inferiority/superiority complex, and I feel very sensitive. I wish it were not this way and could better interact with my fellow muns with good taste in muse, but this is currently not the case. Again, nothing personal is intended, but I will most likely not be able to interact with the blogs of duplicates for my own personal comfort. There are exceptions to this, but it usually means we’ve become friends outside muse interaction first. (This is 100% not the case for other fans of the muse or meta/fanfic writers; come to me!)

I have depression as well as performance/social anxiety. My moods and levels of inspiration/motivation vary widely. I know that is inconvenient, sorry! So in general, I don’t push myself to be prolific, and can drop threads or be slow at responding.

I may drop a thread due to general anxiety, lack of ideas, or loss of inspiration, my deepest apologies. Don’t feel bad and DO feel free to continue interactions with my muse in the future!

I play a powerful character that has inhuman levels of strength and endurance. That being said, I try my very best to keep him from being invincible or unbelievable according to canon. He absolutely still has weaknesses, physical and otherwise.

I operate my muse based on what I feel is in his character to do at that moment. Sometimes that makes planning difficult, because he may not respond to a circumstance in a way I anticipated. Sorry if things do not go as planned. But I do also love plotting and overthinking things, hah.

I am willing to play dark or NSFW scenes including smut, gore/violence, angst, horror, abuse, torture, my character’s death, etc., and there will likely be disturbing or mature content like that on this blog. Content warnings will be tagged with “cw:” followed by the label.

I only roleplay smut with muns who are above the age of consent. I am uncomfortable doing so with underage individuals, so please do not attempt if you are under age 18.

What I Appreciate:

I am a huge fan of thorough communication. If you are planning on attempting to kill or torture my muse, it would be nice for some notification of this (either in the post/tags or in a message) at least one post beforehand.

Let me know if something I’m doing in a thread with you is making you uncomfortable. I myself am comfortable with exploring some very dark themes. I will do my part to check your blog rules, and I apologize if I am ever forgetful about anything mentioned.

Please try to refrain from controlling my muse’s thoughts and actions.

Please try to remember to start a new post instead of reblogging an ask post over and over. I literally do not care, but some people whose dash I may show up on do care, and I’d rather give the people what they want.

I would be so grateful if multimuse blogs could tag the muse they are using in their posts. This helps me filter out the inevitable multitude posts on my dash that will not be relevant to my muse or even fandom and keeps it from becoming absolute chaos. Obviously it’s your blog, and I’m not here to tell you what to do, but this prevention of inconvenience will make me somewhat more likely to follow you.

Please do not steal my original (detailed) headcanons or icons or use images in posts tagged “My Edits” without my permission. If you’re not sure, ask me; I promise I won’t bite for such a question.

What Is Acceptable:

Always feel free to send me an ask, IM, or communicate in our RP thread if you have something to say or ask. Or if you just have a random comment! Seriously, anything.

If it seems like I’ve forgotten about a thread or neglected to respond and you you really want to continue it, feel free to message me to remind/ask about it.

Let me know if there is something you want tagged, and I will try to accommodate with what I see as reasonable.

I am 100% cool with us engaging in more than one thread at once. Do it!

All starter/ask memes/prompts on my blog are open all the time, no matter how old. Feel free to browse the tag and send in something you like! I would only request that you try to include the title of the post/collection in your ask so I can find it more easily.

I accept OCs and characters from other fandoms. It would be nice to have a some background on them first (either in a message or a link to info). For characters from other fandoms, I would prefer they have a DMMD verse, but you can always ask me if you have a different proposition.

As this is also just a general purpose Alphas fan blog, all types of blogs (aside from spam/porn and antis) are free to follow, like my posts, and reblog non-RP-related posts.

Thanks a bunch for slogging through this!