#ngl this first part is everywhere but it gets better

[mrsparrasblog]

i don't wanna rush you or anything cuz u should take ur time. Just wanted to let you know that we NEED more Rudy and Alejandro content😭. Rudy is criminally underrated 🥲 like an obsessed Rudy crushing on mc? My heart-

Hey sorry that it took a bit to answer.💓 I love Rudy with all my heart💓 He is so underrated 💓and have many drafts of him, but I never had something where he was like obsessed , but I tried my best if you don't like it Im sorry :(, you didn't say if you wanted smut so I just wrote it without smut. I was half asleep writing this ngl😭

Anyways here 💓☀️🦋

Sweet as Cinnamon

Rodolfo was never one to fall for just a pretty face; he wasn’t shallow; he needed more. He always had that picture of the future Mrs. Parra in his mind. She needed to be soft, cute, romantic, and tolerant of everything. She needed to be a safe space from all the demons in Las Almas which haunted him.

When he turned 35, he almost gave up on his dream, too many failed attempts at dating. There were the ones who dated him to get closer to Alejandro, the ones who couldn’t handle him being a Sergeant Major, and then the ones who were too much involved with the cartel business.

And then one day he met you. He didn’t believe in love at first sight, but it was almost as close. The way you carried yourself, your charisma, the way you laughed, and the way your eyes sparkled, you were perfect for him.

He didn’t want to do anything more than approach you and ask you out on a cute date, but this time he couldn’t fail, not with his lifelong dream. So he made the only rational choice and became your shadow, trying to find out everything about you while constantly nagging Alejandro about how perfect you were.

"You know you could always talk to her," Alejandro suggested, not seeing the bigger picture Rodolfo saw. It needed to be perfect; you needed to want him before he made attempts; it should be natural. So he found out everything about you: the way you liked your coffee, your favorite book (which he bought and read to have something to talk to you about), your favorite film, favorite food, and even your workplace. It wasn’t a surprise for him that a sweet thing like you owned a bakery; everything was freshly baked by you, and it tasted like absolute heaven to him.

When he watched you through the window, he imagined you staying in your kitchen, him wrapping his arms around you while you baked for him and your kids - it would be perfect. And you would never even come across the cartel; you were a delicate flower that needed to be protected and cherished, and who would do the job better than him?

The hard part was getting the men away from you who also wanted you. Of course, he knew you were a sight that would make every man weak in his knees, but you were already his, and the other men needed to understand that.

Some people underestimated him, thinking he was too short and not as muscular as Alejandro, but when the Sergeant Major stood at the poor men's door with a sinister grin and a firearm, telling them to never speak to his wife again, they listened. It made your love life absolutely miserable, but he was a good man; he only did this for you, and you would appreciate it at the end of the day when you finally could sleep in his arms, protected from the whole world.

After a year of preparation, he finally did it. He walked inside your bakery himself; the faint smell of cinnamon and fresh strawberries lingered everywhere; it was perfect. Of course, he knew your baked goods tasted good; Alejandro always brought him some, but he never went in himself. And the perfect girl you were, you were immune to Alejandro's flirting, one problem less.

"Hello, sir, how can I help you today?" you smiled at him, and his world stopped. You were even prettier from this perspective, flour on your face and that sweet little red apron. He wanted to marry you instantly, just carry you away and tie the knot, but he was a patient man, and right now, this was what he needed to be.

"Just some cinnamon rolls," and so it went on for weeks. Rudy became fast your favorite customer; he was always nice to you, funny, and left a good tip, like an extremely generous tip for just some cinnamon rolls. And if you were true to yourself, he was incredibly handsome, making you always blush like a girl with her first crush. Unfortunately, you thought he wasn’t interested in you. You always tried to flirt, but he never flirted back, or maybe he was just too obvious to realize it.

On Valentine's Day, you stayed the whole night away, baking red velvet heart cinnamon rolls just for him, a new creation, plus he would get a little heart on his cappuccino, which you tried to master for weeks.

He couldn’t contain himself when he saw this; he knew you were smitten, how you blushed and interacted around him. God, you were as obsessed as he was, but he needed to wait; he had his perfect plan.

He gave you his number just in case; Las Almas was never safe, and just so he could sleep calmly, knowing you’re safe, he said.

And surprisingly, a few weeks later, after you closed your little bakery, a man followed you on the way home. At first, you thought it was just imagination, but when you walked five times around the block and he was still there, you knew. So you did the only thing your mind comprehended: you called Rudy.

"Rudy, I'm being followed," you sobbed into the speaker while your feet practically ran.

Luckily, Rodolfo was there, shoving the guy away. If only you had known how he thanked his friend Fernando for scaring you a bit - he didn’t like this, but it was necessary. He wasn’t a bad guy; he saw himself as a determined man who would do anything for his future love.

If it were possible, your eyes would have turned into big cartoon hearts; god, he was perfect. Maybe you should try the first step, even if it's embarrassing, maybe he doesn’t like you.

"Thank you, Rudy."

"Don’t mention it, mi corazon." You blushed at this pet name, looking at him with your big doe eyes.

"Rudy, do you maybe want to stay the night to make sure he doesn’t come back?" And how could he say no to this opportunity? Well, he had your words already planned, but it still made something with him.

"Of course."

"Rudy?"

"Mhm?"

"You know, I thought about maybe we could-“ You stopped, feeling incredibly stupid. Rudy was perfect; how could he want someone like you, a normal person? But for him, you were everything but normal; you were perfect the way you were, the missing piece to his life.

"What can we do?"

"You know, get to know each other better," you mumbled beneath your breath, looking at the ground.

His calloused fingers pulled your chin up, forcing you to look into his beautiful eyes as his lips softly fell on yours. It felt like fireworks; if you thought you were kissed before - you weren’t, this was new, exciting, and perfect like in a Disney movie. "Like this, mi corazon?"

"Mhm, I like this way to get to know you."

"You don’t know how long I waited for this," he admitted, looking into your eyes as if you were the only thing keeping him alive; you were everything.

"I waited longer," you admitted, and he thought, if only you had known, how long he wanted you and chased after you, the things he did for you. And the only thing on your mind was if he only would have known how long you looked at him when he was still watching you from outside the bakery.

[sirenfromthelostcity]

Snowed In Part 2 [Modern! Mizu x Reader]

Ngl y’all I was really touched by the amount of ppl asking for the proposal scene lol. I was a little worried that maybe the blurb was like too fluffy but I'm really glad you guys liked it, ya big softies lol (but same). This came out a little longer than i anticipated but i was just adding some stuff to add to your relationship and i reeaaalllyy hope you guys like it <3 Also I think i might do one more lil part just to involve the rest of the crew and their reaction to the news so stay tuned for that as well.

Part 1!

Although your anniversary dinner plans were ruined by the snow, it was impossible to remain upset. After all how could one be upset when they're being comfortably held in the arms of their lover watching one of your favorite shows together?

Admittedly you did suggest your bedroom when Mizu asked if you wanted watch something after dinner but she was rather insistent on making it a living room activity. So there you both were, laid together on a makeshift bed of various pillows and blankets in the middle of your living room floor. The lights were low, Mizu was warm and the snowfall was the perfect romantic backdrop.

"Y'know," you started, "this day did not go how we had planned at all but honestly I can't imagine a better way to spend our anniversary together," you contentedly sighed.

"That makes two of us," Mizu snuggled you closer and planted a kiss on your head. "But the night isn't over yet."

She gently moved to get up from her position and you pouted at her for ending your cuddling session.

"I'm getting up to get your gift," she laughed.

"Oh right! I'll go get yours too." you quickly paused your show as you both retreated for your gifts.

Once both you and Mizu retrieved your gifts you both returned to your makeshift bed and sat across from each other. Mizu decided to go first and handed you a large gift bag. Your eyes widened in both joy and surprise as you pull out a designer bag that you've been trying to acquire for a long time.

"Oh my God, Mizu! This is sold out everywhere how did you get this?"

"I know people," she smugly shrugged her shoulders.

"Akemi?"

"Actually believe it or not... Taigen."

"Taigen?! You worked together with Taigen for my gift?" you eyes widened again. Mizu and Taigen weren't enemies per say but they definitely very easily got on each other's nerves, however it was mostly banter. Mostly.

"Yeah despite him being Taigen, he can be quite useful sometimes and I know how long you've been hunting for this bag."

"Oh honey, thank you. I really appreciate it and I love it," you lean towards her to give her a gentle kiss before putting the purse back in the gift bag and setting it aside.

Excitedly you reached for your gift and handed it to Mizu. It was a smaller bag and the first thing Mizu pulled out from it was her favorite perfume.

"I was just running low on this, thank you babe," Mizu smiled at you but you informed her there was one more gift for her in the bag. She dug back in and pulled out a small rectangular red velvet box. Carefully she opened it and in it was a beautiful gold heart pendant. She was in awe of the craftsmanship. You prompted her to flip it to the back and engraved on the heart read the words "Forever Yours" with your initials right below it.

“You have my heart," you said to her. "Promise to keep it safe?”

“With my life,” she looked back up at you. “Baby I love it thank you so much,” she practically leaped over from her spot to envelope you in a hug.

“I’m glad you like it,” you chuckled into the crook of her neck.

When Mizu broke away she quickly went to put on the necklace but you insisted on aiding her. With one hand she held up her long hair and turned to allow you access to put on the necklace. Once it was on she went to observe it again, as if she couldn’t stop admiring it.

“Can you take me to where you had this made so I can make one for you too?” She asked, still looking at the pendant.

"Really?" you asked, your excitement shinning though.

“Yeah,” she smiled at you. “I have your heart and I want you to have mine.”

Overjoyed at her words, you leaned in and kissed her both softly and ardently.

“I’d really like that too. I can take you next week yeah?”

Mizu nodded and leaned back in to continue the kiss. Passion flowed within you both and the kiss became needier. This time you took the initiative and without breaking the kiss you gently pushed Mizu to lie on her back. Your free hand reached to cradle Mizu's face, effectively deepening the kiss. Mizu almost allowed herself to get lost in it but when she felt the small ring box poke at her hip she was brought back to her objective . Gently, she broke free from the kiss.

"Is everything okay?" you asked, slightly alarmed.

"Yeah I just... have to use the bathroom."

"Oh okay," you rolled onto the side to allow Mizu to get up. "I'll wait for you to come back to continue the show."

"Nah no need. Continue without me I'll be quick," Mizu reached for the remote and pressed play on your show before seemingly heading towards the bathroom connected to your room.

In actuality Mizu just wanted you distracted and not focused on how long she'd be gone. She had all her materials for the proposal packed in two of her gym bags but she wanted it all to look perfect and that could take some time.

After about 15 minutes you started to get a little worried and when you tried to enter your room to access the bathroom you realized your room door is locked.

"Hey babe are you okay?” you knocked at the door.

“Yeah! I’m almost out just looking for something," Mizu tried to sound casual but her tone definitely sounded a little panicked which did nothing to ease your composure.

“Do you need help looking for it?”

“No it’s okay! I’ll be out soon.”

You did have a spare key for your room in case you were ever accidentally locked out of it. The thought did occur to you to go get it but something to just give Mizu a little more time. After about 5 more minutes, she finally comes out of your room.

“Found what you’re looking for?”

Mizu nodded. "I have one more surprise for you," from behind she pulled out a black blindfold and immediately you're intrigued.

"Well if it involves that blindfold then I'm liking it already."

Mizu laughed at your response before extending her hand to help you stand up. Carefully she wrapped the blindfold over your eyes and guided you into your shared room. Immediately you're greeted with warmer temperature and the soft scent of roses. Slowly Mizu removed the blindfold.

Your room was lit with strategically placed candles and littered with red and pink rose petals. Placed purposefully on the bed was a box of your favorite chocolate and a bouquet of your favorite flowers. The scene was so intimate and warm. You even caught sight of a small fire extinguisher so you know Mizu really thought this out.

"Oh my god, Mizu this is..." the remainder of your sentence got stuck on your throat when you turned to thank Mizu and saw her propped on one knee holding out a box with a diamond ring.

Immediately your eyes began to tear up, overcome with the realization of what was happening. Instinctively your hand went to cover your mouth but a small overjoyed sob managed to escape from you.

"(Y/N)," Mizu started with glossy eyes as she too struggled to hold back her happy tears. "I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. For a long time I didn't even think this kind of love was actually real, until I met you. I love waking up to you every single day and I've learned to love and appreciate life more since you've allowed me to enter yours. You just make me so fucking happy," she sniffled. "I didn't think it was possible to be as happy and feel as safe with being happy as you've made me feel. Being with you made me feel like I was so easy to love and I want to dedicate the rest of my life ensuring you feel the same way. Will you allow me the greatest honor imaginable, will you marry me?"

"Yes of course I'll marry you!" you cried and wrapped your arms around her in a fervent embrace.

You both cried into each other, so full of love and absolute happiness. You pulled back from the hug and leaned in to share your first kiss as an engaged couple. It was a salty kiss as the tears are still fresh on both of your faces but neither of you cared.

You extended your left hand to Mizu and she happily slid the ring onto your finger.

“Perfect fit,” she smiled.

“It’s so pretty,” you admired the gem, it truly did cater to your taste. “Babe, it’s perfect you made such a good selection.”

“I like to think I know you well enough to pick out a ring you’d like, now I’m glad to know I’m right,” she lightly chuckled as she snaked a hand around your waist and snuggled you closer to her.

“We’re engaged now,” you mumbled as Mizu started planting kisses on your temple, the feeling of euphoria still coursing through you. “You’re my fiancé.”

“And soon you’ll be my wife,” she added, grasping your left hand in hers and tenderly rubbing at your ring finger. “Then we‘ll just have forever together.”

“Forever together,” you whispered as you leaned into the crook of her neck. “I love the sound of that.”

A/N: if the ending looks a lil weird font wise is bc I had to copy from my notes app bc I had previously wrote something and it didn’t save on the draft 🙃. Ngl I’m feeling a bit iffy about this but i really hope you guys enjoyed the read! 💗

Edit: I forgot to say but feel free to change what Mizu gifts you, like if you’re not into designer bags then ofc yeah just substitute what you want. It’s kinda hard to write what gift to get you bc ppl are diff like not everyone is gonna like the same thing 😂

[lovingseventeen]

is seventeen good at taking your picture? *ੈ✩‧₊˚

a/n: this is kinda random but wholesome lol 

seungcheol:

✿ “ah, you’re pretty”

✿ it just sort of comes out, really. he was taking a couple pictures but he puts your phone down for a second just to look at you

✿ he giggles when you start blushing (the pictures end up being the kind thats a little blurry bc you moved when he got you blushy, but its still aesthetically pleasing)

jeonghan: 

✿ he tries to prank you by showing you that he actually took a (very cute and giggly) selfie while you were posing (this selfie becomes your lock screen eventually)

✿ when he sees you scoff he does his specific “hahaha” laugh (y’all know what i mean) 

✿ but just as you’re about to smack his arm he swipes left and he actually took a couple good pictures 

joshua: 

✿ i feel like he’s the kind to be pretty diligent with taking your picture 

✿ will direct how you pose (if you want him to help) to get the best possible picture 

✿ “mm maybe turn your chin this way just a little bit” he goes, even so far as to demonstrate with his own face

jun: 

✿ he really tries his best and they’re not totally bad 

✿ occasionally just crops your foot out weirdly or it’s not lined up the best 

✿ it may take another one or two tries but you’ll get there 

✿ will comment when you post that 1) you look pretty and 2) he took the picture (he’s proud)

hoshi: 

✿ takes a million pictures of you in rapid fashion and each of them are about 2% different from each other 

✿ may be a little bit hit or miss 

✿ will encourage a horanghae hand at some point 

✿ but even though he’s taking pictures kinda fast he will be patient and take more if you want him to 

wonwoo: 

✿ i feel like he’d take pictures of you from two angles at most and ngl, they ain’t bad 

✿ like somehow, he didn’t put that much thought into them but they’re pretty good???

woozi: 

✿ he may not take too many pictures but he puts a lot of care into the 7 he does take

✿ says little words under his breath, maybe quirks his head as he’s figuring out how to hold your phone

✿ “hmm maybe this isn’t right” *head tilt* “is it?”

dk: 

✿ may be a little bit overdramatic with the lunging to “make you look taller” 

✿ but best boy energy and he’s enthusiastic to help you !!

✿ will probably get a cute candid picture of you laughing over his antics

mingyu: 

✿ he’s probably taller than you but he will squat and/or break his back to get that good angle 

✿ also has a pretty artistic eye so i could assume that he’d get an interesting picture 

✿ he also did mention bringing his camera with him everywhere (in that one interview) so he’d probably be the kind of boyfriend that would take your picture without you knowing 

✿ honestly use his height and some funky lens to your advantage to get something editorial 

minghao: 

✿ another artsy boy hehe 

✿ very flexible will most definitely get pictures of you from so many angles 

✿ moves around you enough so you barey have to adjust 

✿ i feel like he’d help you filter your pictures too 

seungkwan: 

✿ who am i kidding, seungkwan will go to every extreme to get the perfect picture 

✿ ofc he knows all of your best angles 

✿ you may want to stop taking pictures but he will inSiSt he can do better 

✿ you think the pictures are fine already (he really did do so good) but he’s pointing to tell you to go back to pose 

vernon:

✿ the energy may not be through the roof but he’s still putting an effort trust

✿ if he doesn’t get what you want at first all you gotta do is demonstrate what you want

✿ really, just make him stand in your place and take a quick example

✿ “so i want you to take it like this, so you see this in the background too”

✿ “ah okay i see” he nods

✿ funniest part is the practice photo and he’s just standing in it like 🧍

dino: 

✿ also tries pretty hard

✿ he’s about to show you what he has so far before he grabs your phone back before you even see he screen

✿ “wait let me try again!”

✿ he gets excited when he feels like the pictures turned out well

✿ sneakily sends a couple photos to his own phone 🫶🏽

[gojonish]

first meetings || ᵗᵃᵏᵃˢʰⁱ ᵐⁱᵗˢᵘʸᵃ

how you and mitsuya met

pairing: takashi mitsuya x fem!reader

content: fluff, lowercase intended, one curse word, idk how old mana and luna are but pretend they're like four here, i'm not a big fan of how i wrote this ngl

note: as y'all can see, i am still in my mitsuya arc teehee

mitsuya didn't believe in soulmates.

he believed love was overrated. especially when seeing takemitchy and hinata be all lovey-dubey, it made him realize how cringy dating can be. besides, he was too busy with toman and his sisters to even think about love. he knew there was a time for it, but he didn't think now.

well, at least until he met you. he still remembers that day like it was yesterday.

~~

it was a sunny day, a little too hot for mitsuya's liking. he decided to take his sisters out to the playground near their house since they had been begging him for days now. he eventually complied, bringing along his sketchbook and pen to draw while his sisters played.

after a while, mitsuya noticed it was getting dark. did time really fly that fast? he looked up from his sketchbook to see his sisters-

where were his sisters?

he could've sworn they were playing on the swings just a minute ago- where could they have gone in such a short amount of time?

mitsuya looked everywhere in the park: the playground, the skatepark, the soccer field- but his sisters were nowhere to be found. he kept calling out their names, but there was no response.

he spent a good two hours looking for luna and mana but unfortunately, he couldn't find them. he sat on the stairs of his house, his head in his arms and tears threatening to leave his eyes. he was panicking now, hesitating to call the cops.

then he heard it.

"takashi!"

mitsuya looked up to see his two sisters running toward him, both with joyful tears in their eyes. they tackled him to the ground and hugged him, happy to be reunited with their brother.

"we're sorry for running away!" luna sobbed.

"yeah, we won't do it again!" mana cried.

mitsuya was so relieved, he thought he was hallucinating. tears streamed down his cheeks and he smiled softly, "it's okay, don't do it again, you little monsters.”

unbeknownst to the grey-haired teen, you were awkwardly standing in front of him, your hand rubbing the back of your neck nervously. that's their brother? he's so hot!

you didn't expect your shopping spree to be interrupted by two little girls asking for your help to find their brother. after many attempts on trying to ask what their brother looked like through their loud sobs, you decided to just walk them around the city until they calmed down.

after they finally eased up (which took almost an hour) you were finally able to ask them where they had come from which they replied with the park. they somehow led you to their house, which resulted in you being in this awkward situation.

the brother was cute, he had piercings and a grey mullet reaching down to his neck. he looked about your age, maybe older, but you weren't completely sure. he had a cute smile, one that made your cheeks heat up quickly.

after about three minutes, the family broke off their embrace. the two sisters lightened up when they saw you and tried to get their brother's attention on you.

"takashi! this pretty lady helped us find you!" mana said, holding you hand and jumping excitingly.

"yeah! she even bought us ice cream to make us feel better!" luna replied, pointing at you and smiling.

mitsuya finally locked his eyes on the girl his sisters were looking at and he felt his world stop. you were so...

pretty. so, so pretty

he's never seen anyone like you. you were ethereal- not a part of this world- an enigma to anyone's eyes-

"hello?"

mitsuya was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard your heavenly voice. "i'm sorry, what were you saying?"

you chuckled, which caused his heart to beat a bit faster, "i just wanted to ask if you'll be alright? i know you must’ve been worried about your sisters.”

mitsuya blinked, "oh, yes! i'll be great- amazing even! thank you for bringing them back.”

"of course, they were so sweet," you smiled and then breathed out, "well, i guess i'll be on my way then."

mitsuya didn't want you to leave, not yet. he didn't even get your name!

"wait!" he called out as you turned away, "would you like to stay for dinner? after that i can walk you home."

you chuckled nervously, "no no, it's alright-"

a stomach growl coming from you interrupted your sentence.

"you know what? maybe i'll take your offer," you laughed, "i'm (l/n)."

"mitsuya, nice to meet you, (l/n)."

you smiled and followed him inside, but stopped when you saw him pause in front of the door.

"hey, can i take you out tomorrow? for lunch or something?" he asked.

"oh, what's the reason?"

"think of it as repaying for finding my sisters for me," he winked, which made your throat dry.

you chuckled, "you really don't have to-"

"i want to."

your heart was beating too fast now, "okay fine mitsuya, deal."

the rest of the night was a time with laughter, jokes, and subtle (awkward) flirting between the two potential lovebirds. the two of you became friends quite quickly and with that, mitsuya’s friends figured out his girl-crush on you quite quickly.

~~

extra!

mitsuya had recently been drawing you, just because he was so mesmerized by your beauty. he loved your reaction when he showed you the many sketches that he drew- and since your birthday was coming up, he wanted to draw a portrait of you as a present. he was currently practicing in his notebook.

mitsuya was so focused on drawing you that he didn't even notice the blonde that came up behind him.

"mitsuya, who's that you're drawing?" chifuyu asked, looking over the grey-haired boy's shoulder. "it's a girl!?"

upon hearing his voice, mitsuya shut his notebook (a little too quickly) and hid it behind his back, "she's nobody! she's just a fashion model i saw online."

"right..." chifuyu eyed him very suspiciously, but then left his area.

mitsuya let out a sigh of relief that chifuyu didn't catch onto his crush. if he had found out, then all of toman would know by now-

"guys! mitsuya has a crush on a girl and is drawing her in his sketchbook!"

oh shit.

[pillarsoflove]

can i request sleep over hcs with any characters? can be platonic or romantic!

hi! yes! sleepovers are so fun 🫶 sorry these are short, I couldn't think of much :(

gn!reader, they/them if any

characters: march 7th, dan heng, sampo, stelle (f!mc), caelus (m!mc)

up for interpretation of platonic or romantic!! fluff 🫶

March!

first off, definitely the type to forget to give you a blanket

but don't worry!! she has a lot of those soft decorative ones, so you aren't short on options, she just forgot

"this is a sleepover! you think you're supposed to sleep??" fr

if you are just friends, she definitely asks about who you're romantically interested in

gossiping about your trailblaze missions!! giggling about some people you met, thoughts on what happened, I'm ngl y'all definitely smack talk people you don't like too

hello!!! dress up?? yes

she doesn't typically like people close to her face, but if you two are close enough to have a sleepover she trusts you enough to allow you near her face! so you can mess with her hair or do her makeup

you both eventually knock out with the lights still on

Dan Heng!

if you have a sleepover you either don't live on the express or it was an accident

in the accident case you probably wanted to spend more time together and ended up falling asleep in his "room" (the archives), or you had a nightmare and being in the same room as him calmed you down

offers you his bed and he'll sleep on a pallet on the floor – it isn't much different from his makeshift bed already – just less padding

if you end up falling asleep after trying to spend more time with him he'll carry you to his bed, not wanting to risk waking you up by carrying you to your room if you live on the express

idc how big you are, he's stronger than he looks, he has hidden muscles similar to swimmers thanks to his weapon!

sampo!

good luck man, I don't think he has a house

just hops from one hotel/motel to the other

so you're either sleeping in your room, or in a hotel room

if you're part of the astral express, the hotel room is probably the better option considering the hate dan heng and March has for him

and the others probably will as well ngl

anyway! he will offer to sleep in the same bed if the room only has one bed as a joke

(platonic only, or romantic but haven't slept in the same bed yet ->) insult is probably what he's expecting, if you want to catch him of guard, accept, it's funny bc wait?? what?? deadass??

if y'all are friends he's trying to explain it was a joke without sounding like a loser 🤧

probably snores

if you wake him up bc he's snoring too loud he's gonna go on about how he needs his beauty rest so excuse you

stelle!

honestly, I think she would enjoy chill nights

like she's everywhere all the time during the day, so calm nights are a nice break, plus she's tired from the day

you two do some small activities, like maybe playing a game, or reading, or just talking, maybe watching a movie

the room lights are dim too! off during a movie :)

I feel like she would have a seal plushie..

won't go to sleep until you say when because she doesn't want to make you feel pressured to sleep at the same time as her

though if you take too long she'll probably nod off in a beanbag

offers you her bed too! let's you sleep with her seal plushie if you want (if you have plushies then let her sleep with one at the next sleepover pleasee)!!

skin care together!! you can use each other's headbands for the night, just for fun :)

caelus!

he also doesn't say when he wants to sleep because he doesn't want you to feel pressured

plus I feel like it's hard for him to get to sleep anyway, so it's not hard for him to stay up

will take an interest in your items if you brought any knick knacks over

like a ring holder, music box, fidget toy, figurine, etc etc

he wants to see what it does and know the story behind it if you have one

honestly, just wants to spend time with you, doesn't care what you do, so it's up to you!

be warned, if you do each other's nails, he's not great at it and will end up getting quite a bit on your skin and the polish on your nails might (will) be a big lumpy

but he does his best! might even try to make a design on it if you ask, though it comes out unrecognizable (he's still happy with it if you are, also, gets happy if he sees you still wearing it a while after!)

once it's time for sleep he'll turn out the lights and plug in his nightlight (apologizes profusely if it bothers you, he can't sleep without it though)

sleeps on a pallet next to the bed while you sleep on the bed

also has a plushie! it's a grey cat

it typically sits on his desk, he only sleeps with it if he's having a particularly hard night, so you can sleep with it if you want

just make sure to put it back on the desk tomorrow though

[agendabymooner]

long story short ! max v. x ofc (hearth sister!ofc) - tltl series

"and he feels like home. if the shoe fits, walk in it everywhere you go."

summary: their closest friends are more surprised that they're playing house without the label. OR sylvie hearth wasn't impulsive - in fact her conscience came in the form of a red bull driver named max verstappen. (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)

content warning: they give off found family vibe tbh, use of explicit language, moving in, they're just "friends" and everyone "agrees" that they are, lando is a lovechild, mentions of father figures and j*s verstappen (being shitty), mentions of protective!toto and supportive!tilly spoiling ofc.

note: I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOUR (shout out to @flowerchild-96 you literally give me the support and thoughts that had me motivating myself into writing more 😭)

masterlist

tagged max33verstappen

liked by lewishamilton, landonorris, charles_leclerc

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tillymarie incredibly happy for you lovie !! ❤️ liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford thank you soooo much for the g-wagon tillyyyyy ❤️

steviemarlz ok but whiskey looks hot in here ngl liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford RIGHT?!!! also don't say that as if you hadn't gotten your dream impala 🙄 don't cheat on winchester like that

aimeeyh are you seriously getting yourself a collection?? i could've sworn i've seen a caddy and a mustang on your garage 🙁 liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford don't tell toto that 😢

lewishamilton when's the housewarming? looking forward to it! liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford during my week off 😙 bring the good stuff

lewishamilton you mean the collection of niki lauda car figurines??

sylvieeford yes?! put an ayrton senna while you're at it ❤️

lewishamilton you better be lucky i love you lovie

charles_leclerc is this a new hangout location then? liked by sylvieeford

max33verstappen you're not allowed to step foot in the house if that's what you're asking 🤷‍♂️

danielricciardo sleepover at sylvie's when?? 👀 liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford five rooms available only, first come first serve, fee includes moet and daiquiri recipe

danielricciardo on it mini boss 😇

landonorris i'm not even allowed to drink yet :( liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford i hope you like shirley temple

landonorris yeah i'll take that bestie :)

She could admit that it was an impulsive decision, but her seven-bedroom and four-bathroom cottage was the best purchase that she’s made.

This was the first time she had purchased her own house. Not rent. Not a flat either, but a house. She loved staying in Brackley, if she was being honest, but there were times when she felt as if she needed a change in environment. Something more… like her. 

Sylvie could be considered a Wolff especially with the equally intimidating look that they would both give to people that wanted to speak business. Toto was a mentor to Sylvie and she’d often shadow him back when she wasn’t working at Red Bull. Over time, Toto had grown fond of her work ethics and enthusiasm. 

So to hear her say that she was buying a house halfway through Milton Keynes and Brackley (Buckinghamshire, if anyone asked) was kind of a disappointment for him. After all, she and her sisters had always been Mercedes girls. 

(Even if Tilly owned Red Bull, she too was a Mercedes girl.)

Regardless, he continued to express his admiration for her work ethics. Hell, he and Tilly had even bought her a Mercedes as a part of her new car collection. She never asked them for it— they didn’t understand that when she said “she was collecting them” as she meant that she had a wall of hot wheels displayed in her entertainment room. 

But regardless, her slate gray Mercedes G-Wagon — one that she called Whiskey — became her favourite car. She drove to the Red Bull headquarters every day using Whiskey. Everyone was rather appalled to see a Mercedes parked in the staff parking lot. 

By everyone, she meant everyone. 

The first time she parked it by Christian’s car, the first person who had greeted her was Daniel— who arrived with his Aston Martin.

“Holy shit,” Daniel wolf whistled as she stepped out of her car with a grin. “You’re planning to give the boss a heart attack, Blue.” 

“Do you like her?” Sylvie cheekily grinned as she patted the hood of her vehicle, “Her name’s Whiskey. She’s quite pretty and makes the greatest noise ever.”

“Oh yeah I bet,” Daniel snorted at the joke. “I don’t take you for a hard liquor type.”

“I’m not,” Sylvie beamed, “there’s just something about her that screams wild.”

“Like the 10 year old you were not?” Daniel raised a brow, amused smile written on his face. The Mustang donut had been discussed enough in the grid that everyone is permitted to make that joke.

Another Aston Martin pulled up to the parking lot before she could even respond, the sunglasses of the driver inside lowering down as his jaw dropped. Just as he parked, Max Verstappen stepped out of the car while gaping at the sight of her G-Wagon. He had just arrived from France and went directly to the office, bringing his Aston Martin along.

“I don’t recall you having that,” Max started. “I would have known.”

“Of course you would,” Daniel snickered, “you’d know when her cycle starts if I asked for it.” Sylvie stomped on Daniel’s foot before gesturing at her newest baby. 

“Toto said that I need some reminder of him whenever I enter the enemy realms,” Sylvie patted her vehicle once more, “enter Whiskey.”

“Whiskey?” Max’s brow raised at the response, “You should have called it Daiquiri. You’d throw your lungs up if you took a shot of whiskey without fruit on it.”

“No need to throw it out there, Maxie,” Sylvie rolled her eyes before walking off with her shoulder carrying her purse. “It’s not like you could shoot whiskey either.” 

Max peered at Daniel, who had a smile written on his face as he continued on.

“The girl isn’t wrong, Max,” Daniel shrugged before following the woman to the entrance. 

“I could tolerate it,” the Dutchman finally followed along as they all entered the facility. “But right now I’m just looking forward to seeing Christian’s reaction to your Whiskey.” 

“You fools aren’t renting a flat in London, are you?” 

“If we say no, will you go away?” Daniel started. It was one o’clock, and this was the first thing that Sylvie got for an answer on a genuine question. 

Sylvie looked at the Dutchman. Max shrugged, “You know I’m not.”

“What, are you two like— fucking mind readers or something?” Daniel joked, “You have some freaky shit going on with knowing each other.”

The younger ones glared at him.

“I know he isn’t renting,” Sylvie huffed out, rolling up the magazine on her hand and smacking Daniel with it. “He lives with me.” 

“What?” Daniel’s eyes widened, looking back and forth at the two. How easy was it for them to say that? How could they even say that aloud? 

The truth was that it wasn’t as easy. 

When Max told his family about living in England before the season started, his sister immediately rang Sylvie’s phone and giddily asked if Max and her were dating. Sophie was more than excited that she had flown in to give Sylvie a gift for her new home. Sylvie didn’t want to know how Jos reacted, and she and Max agreed that he wasn’t welcome in the cottage. The Hearth sister was pretty scared about the fact that they thought she and Max were dating— they were NOT. 

And when Sylvie and Max attended her family dinner and said that the Dutch were living in her home, Toto’s eyes told Max a lot about how he felt towards the news. Truthfully, Max wished that he could find a closet to hide in. Toto was going to kill him just by staring. Her sisters and mother were a different story; they knew Max well enough that they trusted him with Sylvie. Tilly had to nudge her beau just to get him to lay off the younger man. 

So yes, saying it aloud wasn’t easy for them. At first. But now it’s like a usual thing to say. 

“What?” Sylvie raised a brow at the Aussie. “You’ve never spent less than what you pay for before? We’re sharing the bills.”

She completely forgot to mention that she had already paid the estate fully. Max was only paying for the groceries. And they were barely at home.

tagged archdigest, max33verstappen

liked by georgerussell63, landonorris, steviemarlz

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georgerussell63 ohhh so this is what you meant by car collection 😂 liked by sylvieeford

max33verstappen she also bought an orange cadillac after her mum got her the blue mustang - as if she'd ever replace the iconic mustang donut that she did when she was 10

sylvieeford we do not talk about blue like that

landonorris NAW BLANCHE GOT YOU THE WILD MUSTANG?!!

alex_albon no lad, she is the wild mustang liked by sylvieeford

steviemarlz geez max33verstappen your sim racing room is just as empty as lovie's soul not gonna lie

sylvieeford sleep with one eye open, steve.

max33verstappen 😂😂

victoriaverstappen i like the office! it's giving couple without labels vibes

landonorris what she said ^^

maxfewtrell i second that victoriaverstappen 👍

lewishamilton and you still want the senna and lauda car collection?? after all of that wall of hot wheels? liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford it's a necessity for my study 😿

lewishamilton unbelievable lovie 🤦‍♂️

sylvieeford hehe ❤️

view 12912 more comments

user1 max is giving househusband with all of that DIY shit he did at their offices HAHAHA

user2 she purchased the whole estate and had it renovated... jesus she is loaded

user3 how to tell if it's also a racer's home: have the endless collection of trophies displayed in the drawing room

user4 she also competed before so it could be her trophies and old helmets

user5 ok but she has a collection of helmets gifted to her by drivers like michael schumacher, alain prost and jackie stewart- that's saying a lot about how close her family is to formula one and shit

user6 these two moved in together, decided on what to put up in the house and people around them still think they're friends?

user7 soulmates is what people call them. there's a lot of articles saying that they aren't just childhood friends and this video clearly shows it

user8 the reason why they're so close was because they have a fair share of experiences with fathers who only want them for the glory of being in a podium. it's not fully discussed by them but the way of how tilly spoke about the two showed that these kids need a damn break lmfao

user9 julius and j*s get off their dick challenge 😩

The first time their friends came over for a night in, they were baffled to say the least. 

Lando Norris was the first to arrive at the small gathering, bringing a bottle of Moët as if they already hadn’t had enough of it during the last season. When Max opened the door on him the Brit’s first words were: “Holy shit, Max, you’re a royal, mate!” 

“Uh hello, too?” Max stepped aside to let him in. 

“This place is fancy,” Lando continued as his eyes twinkled in awe. “You should have said you were looking for a house, lad. I would’ve paid half of this just to live here!”

“I don’t own this house,” Max’s brows crinkled in confusion. 

“You don’t?”

“This is Sylvie’s house.” 

“Oh,” Lando trailed off, his eyes then widening at the realization as he gasped, “Sylvie’s?! Oh that absolute bitch— why didn’t you tell me you were getting a house Sylvia?!” 

Lando got lost for a moment inside the house, trying to find the sizzling and chopping sounds as he finally located his best friend. 

Lando was ready to give her a piece of his mind, if it hadn’t been for a small feisty figure that had him cowering a little. 

Sylvie didn’t even notice the smaller boy enter until a yapping echoed inside the already loud kitchen, looking up as she jumped at the sight of Lando. “What the hell— Lando!” 

“You’re telling me what the hell,” Lando argued back before pointing down to the tiny fighting figure in front of him, “you didn’t tell me you bought this house for yourself and now you’ve got a sewer rat for a pet?!” 

“Hey, don’t call the baby a rat,” Max called Lando out before walking past him, giving him a smack in the head before he knelt down and picked up the figure. 

“You have a puppy, Max! A puppy, Sylvie!” Lando was still shell shocked about this whole ordeal. There was too much to talk about. 

“Oh this little thing is my baby,” Sylvie told the boy, reaching out to pet the miniature schnauzer puppy. “Cute, no?” 

“Besides I have told you I was buying a place,” Sylvie told Lando. “You were the first one I texted. Even Max, who lives here, didn’t get a chance to know first.” 

“I didn’t think you’d get a cottage,” Lando cried out. “A cottage in the village, while you’re at it.” 

“It’s more peaceful here,” Sylvie admitted, Max nodding along as she continued, “At least I don’t have to freak out for living in the loudest places ever.” 

“Can I pet him?”

“Yeah, you can pet her,” Max corrected Lando with a scowl. “Her name’s Marinara.” 

Lando paused in his tracks, baffled at the name as he looked at Sylvie, “You named her, didn’t you? Don’t tell me no because she’s got an obscure name— no one would name someone so stupid but you.”

“What do you mean— fine,” Sylvie replied dully, “I did. But that’s because Max wanted to name her something basic like he is. Cookie— seriously, Max.” 

“It’s rather fitting for her,” Max shrugged, bouncing the puppy in his arms. “She got some Oreo features.” 

“She’s a bit lighter than a cookie,” Sylvie protested, “besides even if she was an Oreo, I’d call her Oreo instead of Cookie. Basic bitch.” 

Lando stared at the two of them with an amused expression. There was so much that had changed in the span of a year, and Lando didn’t want to point that out— he didn’t want to jinx it. He was just glad that the two were playing house once more. Hopefully this time, it becomes a permanent fixture in his life. 

After all, he was the first to witness the building and destruction of their relationship. He was certain that there was love shared between the two of them. 

Peering down at the dog’s name tag, his eyes twinkled with joy as he scanned the engraved letters repeatedly.

Marinara Ford-Verstappen

And they said that they were just being practical with living together. They have a puppy and they live in the same house— as of this point they might as well share a bed and get married. Nobody would stop them seeing as the decision to move together and have a support pet were made without telling anyone.

If you were to ask anyone else, Sylvie wasn’t really impulsive. 

She hadn’t just purchased this house just because. Talking to a real estate agent about making a decision was rather difficult, so she phoned Max and asked if he preferred having two and a half bathrooms or something. Then, the next time they met she dragged him to the open house in Buckinghamshire.

She also had him picking out a puppy from the litter in their local pet shelter, which ended up being Marinara. 

They weren’t exactly impulses if she got a second opinion from him. 

tagged max33verstappen

liked by roscoelovescoco, lewishamilton, steviemarlz

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alex_albon "sewer rat pet"

sylvieeford that's just lando lol

roscoelovescoco i luvs yous, friends! 🐶 liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford see u at the paduck, frend! -marinara

danielricciardo we want a marinara ig page 🤩 liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford max can barely run his own instagram lmao

max33verstappen rude!

tillymarie look at that baby girl 🐶😍 liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford you'll see her a lot on the paddock 👀 on her red bull outfit and everything

redbullracing is that our new mascot?!! liked by sylvieeford

sylvieeford she'll be replacing christianhorner on duty 😍

gerihalliwell haha! looking forward to meeting her, sylvie! liked by sylvieeford

max33verstappen i'm so appalled she stays still whenever you take her photo while all the photos i've taken of her are blurry 🙄

sylvieeford she already favours you over me. ME, the one who takes her out to go potty 😒 stop whining, maxie.

max33verstappen must be tough not being the favourite parent huh

sylvieeford i hope she pisses on your bedroom rug bitch 🤬

ps: the birth of the "ford-verstappen" household and marinara ford-verstappen hehehe ❤️

[motherstone]

WAVERIDER THOUGHTS

This will be long, and nasty. I may be yapping nonsense myself, and ngl this was all written in a fit of emotion, so it may be biased as all fuck. SPOILERS EVERYWHERE. Read further at your own choice.

Kazu, the neglectful, crappy father of his characters

Yeah, no, it’s been a long-time issue of his. Every new book has a new character. Not much of a problem if you're establishing the world - it’s a big one if you’re ending a story. See, the point of a finale isn’t to get us invested in new characters, it’s about giving a satisfying conclusion to your old. And not necessarily purely conclusive either! Some characters still have some journey to walk, but what matters is that you could read what happened to them, be at peace with how they went.

Kazu wrote the finale as if he’s writing 16 more books.

Let’s see the line-up shall we?

Trellis - has been hyped up being the true king, has been trying to get people stop believing in the false king, would not shut the fuck up about the well-being of the elves for several books.

Ending: Changed his mind last minute and gave up the throne.

Vigo - a flawed mentor. Kinda useless. Tries to be a guiding force and emotional support.

Ending: Dies in the most pointless and jarring way possible.

Aly - has exhibited great leadership qualities, is a good friend to Navin.

Ending: she wasn’t even there.

Etc etc. and that’s THREE of them so far, and it’s disastrous. Their conclusions were poor and nonsensical, the narrative portrays them as foolish and ignorant, and basically just treated their entire journey of 8 books as worthless and with little to no growth. Which is just yonkers. The main players don’t play in the final part, and the supporting casts are pretty much not supporting.

Then there’s the NEW cast.

No, sorry, I can’t stand them. They’re not appealing to me, we barely know anything about them except they’re apparently competent and we’re supposed to accept that they’re gonna be the better, newer generation of the Guardian Council? Because the story says so?

Why put new characters to play a part where your established characters can fill in perfectly? At least those established characters already have something ESTABLISHED, thus the payoff is more impactful ,especially if you fit them properly into the role. I never even gave a crap about Cielis and there needing to be a new Guardian Council, I always got the impression in book 4 that it was supposed to be the waning era of stonekeepers, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE MOTHERSTONE WAS STOLEN, THERE’S LITTLE OF IT LEFT, THERE ISN’T A NEW MOTHERSTONE IN CANON, APPARENTLY ENDED UP FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE ELSE DESPITE BEING A POWERFUL ARTIFACT, AND STONEKEEPERS ARE TOO DANGEROUS FOR THE WORLD OF ALLEDIA. IN GENERAL.

All in all, the book feels like it’s trying to shove and rub these new guys all over my face, trying to get me to love them.

Gabilan, or just make Gulfen a democracy at this point

I'm gonna be for real though, I don't think Gabilan is the best guy for the job. Just because he was "kinda" right about stonekeepers doesn't mean he's a leader, and I don't think someone who kills people for a living, profits off of war, violates people's minds and steals their memories and ruin their lives, and arrogantly believes he has the judgment and say on who gets to keep which memories would be anyone's first choice to rule the country at its most desperate either. He’s sharp, yes, but moral? He has the moral backbone of a fucking chocolate eclair. A guy like that would not treat the people under him with the right to choose, when so many of his actions involve violating other people. If that’s THEIR next best choice after Trellis, Gulfen is fucked.

It's also kinda frustrating. Gabilan gets ONE reference to how he intends to be King, while Trellis gets references that he's the true king for several books, people desiring he make a better people out of the elves, had enemies trying to kill him to prevent him from taking the throne like the VOICE himself, only for the narrative to never even follow through it? 

The story can't seem to make up its mind either. "Stonekeepers in power are bad because they keep seeking to control others and are bad at maintaining control, so you shouldn't be King. That's why you should get an even higher, greater authority so now you're the leader of the Guardian Council!" 😩 make it make sense? 

Ronin, or how to make supervillains

Kazu has a bad understanding of how people work by how he wrote Ronin. Iffy enough that Ronin is retconned to be alive, her method on raising these stonekeepers is to be heavily scrutinized. I’ll be controversial here, but Ronin sucks as a person.

That’s NOT how you treat people, especially when they’re asking for help, even if they wronged you. That’s prioritizing your pride over what’s needed to be done.

Keeping kids in an isolated area, even with their consent, scaring off locals from their livelihood so you could have THEIR resources instead, and then scaring them into not bothering are all shitty things to do. If I didn’t have context, I’d genuinely think she’s trying to make a cult.

She didn’t create a better generation of youth, she created an ECHO CHAMBER. Their interaction with other people who isn’t them are limited and only under her monitoring, they don’t get to have the support and interaction of a wider community, they have fights, she induces them to lose control on purpose (even for training, that’s basically like having someone HAVE breakdowns so they’d “handle breakdowns better”), the young stonekeepers only interact with HER beliefs and HER teachings.

She’s arrogant as all fuck. 

The worst part is that the narrative doesn’t treat this as bad, just flawed, which is anything but 💀

To use @/gofancyninjaworld analysis, which is semi-realistic ngl, what Ronin did was plant seeds for these kids to be supervillains.

A sense of isolation

It’s bad enough that having overwhelming power alienates stonekeepers from most people, Ronin’s method of training has them explicitly stay in an area where the range of people they could interact with are greatly limited to Ronin and their fellow students. Sure, they interact with some civilians, but in an unbalanced way, purely in a savior and rescuee way, nothing else. This gives them sparse experience in the give-and-take interactions in a society, because for all they know, water only flows downwards.

A sense of superiority. It's not good to be considered 'gifted' and to be set aside from others. 

A sense of entitlement to rule.

Which Ronin further reinforced by planting into their heads that they’re the new Guardian   Council eventually, despite having little experience in leading. What happened to “rejecting a seat on the Council because she felt the responsibility at her age was too great”? And that was when she was an older teen. These guys are younger than she was offered.

Access to the means to do so.

The quarry, their stones, and their inevitable ascension to be the new Council.

So basically all she did was groom overly powerful kids with induced breakdowns, with heads too big for their bodies, with very little connection to the wider world to ground them in their thinking and humanity, basically four bombs that could and would inevitably go off. Cool. Any one of 'em could wind up becoming a totalitarian menace. Y'know how spoiled entitled billionaire bastards exists? It's almost virtually the same process.

Interacting with regular people AS regular people, not just as savior or leader is important. It grounds you. It teaches you there’s a variety of people, who won’t always be the perfect victim, who are not necessarily evil but are bad, who are not intentionally malicious but just incompetent, among other things. Application is the real teacher here - the more exposed you are to other people, the better you’d be able to handle them.

Emily, the monster, the savior, the next Buddha

Can’t make up its mind whether to condemn Emily or if she’s the next best thing since sliced fucking bread. Apparently, self-confidence is her issue, not her arrogance or survivor's guilt.

Not to mention her powers came outta nowhere. It’s like she discovers enlightenment, and that was what allowed her to properly control her powers.

Defeats the entire theme of needing other people and that not every outcome is reliant on ONE person’s actions, BY DOING EVERYTHING BY HERSELF, AGAIN!

God, I wish I could say more, but I skipped some of Emily’s parts because reading it was as tedious and agonizing as threading on cold mud. I can’t help but cringe at every dialogue.

The Voice, or how to NOT make a supervillain

…. I don’t even know what to say. Poor Ikol, a victim of the most indecisive and sloppy writing of  a villain I’ve seen, I actually feel genuinely fucking bad. I don’t even know where to begin with this dude, he’s just one whole confusing set of contradicting depictions and motivations.

Riva, or how to get a restraining order in 2 fucking seconds

If I were Trellis and told me the same words Riva said, I’d bolt as far as quickly as I possibly can away from her. That’s creepy, full stop.

I think this was kazu's way to prevent fans from shipping Emily and Trellis by a.) aging up Trellis because that’s the only explanation I could think of (even though he said a few times on twitter that he's the elf equivalent of 16) and b.) to get him together with Riva.

The way Kazu went about it is too insane for me. "Hey, I had a vision of you and me having babies and you became a great leader, let's get together" 💀 that's no basis for any healthy relationship, or any relationship at all that isn't transactional 😵. What is this?

On the other hand, he doesn't respect Riva as a character at all. A character becoming a love interest and a parent isn't a bad thing in of itself, but he wrote Riva so impactfully and charismatically in book 6 - she's one of the few rare elf characters, and a girl elf character to boot, is an established leader, was the daughter of an immigrant and knows all the hardship that comes with it, not to mention hails from a city that Cielis outcasted and abandoned because of their fear and prejudice but she compassionately takes care of the people there anyway.

There's so many interesting and compelling storylines with the foundations he made Riva with, and he focuses on getting Riva to get Trellis to get together with her 😵 she gets reduced from a character with plenty of potential to a character that exists purely to uplift another. That's just depressing. Riva and Trellis deserve better.

Who? Navin. We all forgot about fucking Navin

Actually, I’m pretty sure Kazu forgot about Navin up until the last second. The fact I forgot until he came up on the page speaks for itself on how bad the writing problem was. He plays almost no parts at all. He doesn’t even GET to be a leader properly. He was there to get punched, didn’t even GET to help Emily or anybody else.

The Ending

……………………………………………………………………………………

If Older Emily could time travel with the Void, why didn’t she just eliminate Ikol herself instead of leaving it to our current Emily? Oh, and Vigo jarringly dies and sacrifices himself in the most pointless way possible.

All in all, Kazu - world’s most terrible chef

BAN HIM FROM THE KITCHEN 🔥🔥💯💯🔊🔊🗣️😩😩 HE CAN'T COOK.

Bad? I knew it was gonna be bad at the cover alone, ut no way I could've predicted it was THIS atrocious. It’s not the medium’s fault either, you can’t claim that the medium limited what Kazu had to say - Kazu created comics for a living. He has more than a decade of experience, made dozens of pages, by now, he knows YOU CAN’T WASTE A PAGE. Every panel is important. It’s not the medium's fault for being short, it’s Kazu’s for being sloppy. 

He has an editor. He has a studio, he has a team, he has several copies of his series, he has claimed he has reread them over and over. He has no excuse to be this inconsistent and directionless. So what the fuck are they doing? Do they just sit there and draw? No quality or consistency check? 

Honestly, if he says it was executive meddling, if he was just tired of Amulet and just wanted it over, if it was because of medical reasons - I could accept all those reasons. I could forgive why the series wound up as it is, they’re all reasons I could understand. A decline in quality on purpose I’d understand because that can be fixed. A better employer, a better work schedule, better accommodations.

What I will not accept, if he genuinely believes this. Is. GOOD. WRITING. BECAUSE IT’S NOT. That’s either a lie, an in-denial belief, or just plain ol’ ignorance. That’s just pure arrogance to me. You drop this slop on my feet, 300 pages of yapped nonsense and try to convince me it’s gold? Fuck no. I deserve better, we deserve better, the kids who read your books deserve better. There’s no fixing that kind of thinking.

Am I too harsh? Yes. But I need to let all of these out. Am I kinda biased and a lil incomprehensible? Yes, but I don't care. If you enjoyed it, good for you! But it’s not for me. For closure, I’m nursing whatever shit I try to fix with a rewrite. Kazu already nuked the playground - might as well take a page from his book and do whatever I want like he did.

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 14: A Protector's Failure

Synopsis: You recall everything that's led you up to this point. The good and bad, while the boys try their best to cope with your temporary absence.

An: This is a skipable chapter because I know some people can't stand a backstory chapter. But it does give some insight on our insert's actions.

Key: 🌑☀️🌑☀️=pov change from Y/n to the boys. 🌘🌘🌘🌘=Transition between Y/n's memories/present

-----------------

Rushed footsteps could be heard throughout the forest. The little pitter-patter reverberating off the trees. A child no more than five being the source of the sound. Pushing her body the fastest it could go.

Unawares of the unforeseen threat giving chase. Slowly closing in from above. All at once the being descended down on her, tackling the child down to the floor. The both of them tousling on the ground from the force.

"Got you Kari!" The being announced.

Another kid. This one a bit older with a prominent gap between their teeth.

"You're getting better, but still not fast enough," they continued before helping the other one up.

"You were cheating, Y/n! You used your nen!" The younger one whined out.

"Duh. You should've been using your nen too. You would've been able to sense me coming."

The older one playfully bumped the other's shoulder. Giggling at the way she turned her head and huffed.

"C'mon, we've been away long enough. Let's head back to the village before they start to get suspicious." Taking the smaller one's hand and starting to lead her away. But there was a small tug pulling them back.

"Do we have to go back right away? Can't we stay here a little longer?" It sounded hopeful from the small girl.

"You know how Fathe-," the older one shook their head. "You know how Reik gets. We can't keep him waiting."

But a feeling of dread lingered in the air. Something foreboding in it.

Almost like a warning.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

You quickly jolted up. Breathing heavily as you came to. Catching your disheveled reflection in the puddle in front of you. (Having chosen a small cave to fall asleep in last night.)

That dream.

Why that one?

Why now?

You didn't want to see it. You didn't want to see her. You were already pushed past your limit, and now this? It was so frustrating you let out a scream. Your poor vocal cords straining once again, not yet fully healed.

God damnit.

Goddamn everything.

You forced yourself to calm down, remembering where you were. The NGL. You'd been here for about a week now. Only three more to go until you saw your boys again.

You didn't want to leave the boys behind, and part of you still wished you hadn't. That you had just stayed instead. But it really was for their own good.

You were no longer capable of keeping them safe. The altercation with the cat chimera ant had shown you that. You weren't good enough to protect them anymore. So it was decided you needed a safe place to train without distractions.

Without risking either one of them getting hurt.

And while that was your main reason for leaving so abruptly, it wasn't the only one. The blue hat tucked away in your pocket was another.

Kite.

You searched everywhere for him when you first got here. Tracking the faint trail of his aura all the way back to the place where you were attacked. Making sure to lower your heart rate in case that same ant detected you.

But all you found when you got there was blood. Caked and dried in splatters on the dirt. Too much for any living person to lose. You couldn't help but throw up at the sight.

Disgust and grief mixing together as you heaved up everything you had. There was no way he could've survived that. Even if he did manage to defeat that thing, he would've lost too much blood to just walk away.

And judging by the malicious aura barley in reach of your en, it was still out there.

You'd run away like a coward.

Like you always did.

And Kite paid the price for your selfishness.

You clutched his hat tightly as you recalled the sight. The little specs of blood on the brim were yours, but it may as well have been his from the way guilt seemed to consume you the longer you stared at it.

Another person you cared about dead because you wanted to protect your own life.

Maybe that was why you dreamt about her. A reminder that this wasn't the first time you'd run away so callously. Or maybe it was because of that stupid old man. Calling you by a name you'd long discarded, forcing you to remember the atrocities attached to it.

You didn't like remembering, but it was getting harder and harder to avoid doing so. You deserved to suffer, and maybe your mind decided torturing you with the past was the way to do it.

You shook your head to rid the thought. Now wasn't the time to feel sorry for yourself. You still had a long way to go before you were combat ready. Before you could stomach the sight of blood.

Although, you couldn't help but wonder how Gon and Killua were taking it.

You sincerely hoped they were doing fine without you.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

The sound of glass shattering echoed throughout the small home, startling Gon awake. There was a splintering sound of something bigger hitting the floor. Followed by a few curses.

That definitely wasn't right.

He quickly got up and rushed towards the living room. Eyes widening as he identified the cause for all the commotion.

Killua.

And he looked very upset.

Raising up something else to break before Gon stopped him.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

The small assassin didn't answer, fearing that if he did, he would once again break down.

"Where's Y/n?" Gon tried again. Knowing that there was no way you wouldn't have gotten up to comfort Killua.

But despite his good intent, it seemed that wasn't the right thing to ask right now. Killua walked over to the table and sat down with his head in his hands. Letting out a shaky breath as he eyed the crumpled up note he found earlier.

The boy in green following his line of sight and picking up the note to read.

Dear my little moon and sun,

By the time you're reading this I'll have returned to the NGL. I truly am sorry to have left without saying a word, but I have my reasons. I need to work on my own skills and strength so that what happened with the cat chimera ant never happens again. It's something I need to do by myself, no matter how much it pains worries me to leave you two by yourselves. I know you two of you are dead set on proving yourselves through Netero's game, but I could care less for that old geezer's instructions. Nevertheless, I know you'll both succeed in taking those two other game pieces. That you'll both improve your skills drastically. I have complete faith in you, so when the month's over, I better see your faces cross the border! I'll be waiting until then.

Apologies, Y/n.

Oh.

He understood now.

Though he wasn't angry with you like Killua. Just disappointed that you'd once again chosen to do this by yourself. A hunch that you still didn't trust them. Seems his instincts had been right after all. He looked over towards his best friend, frowning at the defeated look he had.

"Why...Are we not enough for them to stay?" Killua's voice was quiet, a drastic change from his previous frustration.

Then his despair returned to anger. Hands clenching and body lightly shaking.

"Do they just hate us!?! Were we really that terrible that they decided to leave again!?! Damnit Y/n, why do you keep doing this!?!? Why do you keep running away!?!?" Frustrated tears now running down his face.

"Was yesterday just a cover up!?! All of it, just pretending like they weren't going to leave us!!!"

Because you'd been smiling so much yesterday.

Joking around, tucking them into bed, giving them a goodnight kiss. Was all of it just so they wouldn't have suspected anything?

'Your friends will leave you.'

No, not you. You were supposed to stay. You were supposed to be here right now. You were supposed to be his big sibling.

A hand on his shoulder stopped his frantic thoughts.

"They weren't faking. They probably didn't know how to tell us." Gon tried to explain. It was what he figured anyways.

Because you didn't have to comfort him last night. You didn't have to put him back to bed. And the way you hesitated when he caught you sneaking out.... Conflicted like you didn't really wanna leave.

How could any of that have been faked?

But Killua wasn't fully convinced yet.

"That's just the thing, they don't trust us enough to tell us anything! How do we know that this time they're telling the truth!?!"

It hurt.

Not being able to trust the one person that was supposed to keep him safe.

Did you really go back there to get stronger, or did you leave to find Kite?

Because clearly you seemed to prefer his company over theirs.

"Think about it," Gon started.

"Y/n said they're going back there to get stronger. Do you know what that means? It means they're gonna fight. And do you what that means?"

If you planned on fighting then...

"They're going to break their promise...to keep us safe." But was that really why?

Killua didn't know anymore.

"If they really did leave for good, then why would they leave a note? Y/n is waiting for us. They're counting on us to get stronger. I understand why you're upset, I wish they would've told us too. But if there's one thing Y/n isn't, it's someone who doesn't honor their word."

And for whatever reason, those words started to ease the doubts eating away at him.

"How are you so sure this time?"

"Killua, they almost died just to make sure we were okay first. How can you not be so sure?" It was stated as a matter of fact.

And now that he said it, Killua felt like an idiot.

Yesterday was just you trying to have one last good day before you left. You probably thought you wouldn't get another chance. That you might die in the NGL by yourself.

It was real.

And so was everything else before that.

"You're right.... But I still haven't forgiven them. They can't just keep leaving like this. It's-"

"Worrying. I know." Gon agreed.

"How do you think they're holding up?"

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

It was raining again.

Pouring down in endless buckets. And the first good rain of the year usually meant...

Today was officially your birthday.

You must've been 20 by now. Maybe 21. You don't really remember anymore. Not the official date anyways. But the one thing you did remember was that it always poured heavily, and you hated it.

You hated it for ruining your fun when you were a child, and you hated it now for stalling your training. Once again stuck in some small cave to avoid getting wet. Left with nothing but your thoughts to entertain you. How unfortunate that they kept drifting back to the one thing you didn't want to think about.

The Mizaki Clan.

Your 'family.'

You blamed Netero for bringing them up. You blamed yourself for continuously screwing up. You blamed the clan for putting you in this situation in the first place.

A part of you was grateful for what they gave you, at least during the early years. Another part of you respected them for the opportunities they've given so many. But the biggest part of you hated everything they stood for. The part of you that would never forgive them.

Fuck it.

You were tired of fighting the thoughts away.

Tired of repressing memories that would just come back twice as strong.

It didn't matter anymore. No one was here to see you break anyways. You could be weak if it was with yourself. Relying on your own comfort like you always had.

The Mizaki Clan, a clan of skilled hunters. The duties of each respective member being divided into three categories: Trapper, Tracker, and Trader.

Most were orphans who'd been found and taken in. Few had been outsiders married in. Even fewer were born into the clan. For all the shit they put you through, they were anything but discriminate when it came to accepting new members.

You were an orphan. The story goes, you were found in the backyard of an abandoned residence. The man who found you, Reik, was the current clan head. But at that time he'd barely taken over the reigns.

To you, Reik had been your father. And the truth was the same for others around your age. You'd believed he was a compassionate yet stern leader. Someone to be respected and loved at the same time.

Oh how wrong you were. A naive and foolish child.

Turns out the story of your upbringing had been a lie. You'd found out the truth because you witnessed it happen to someone else firsthand.

It was at the age of seven you found out. The age where everything started falling apart. When the illusion of blind devotion started to fade away.

You'd been assigned a mission with a few others. Reik had been among them. The targets had easily been disposed of. Of course they were, they were ordinary people who happened to cross the wrong person.

When your group went to leave, a wailing sound filled the air. It was only a matter of seconds before the source of the crying was found. Father had discovered a small child hidden away inside a closet.

Who, upon finding the baby, met your eyes and told you, "It's our job to make sure we finish off our targets. No matter what, for the good of the clan. But it's also our responsibility to handle loose ends.

Our client only specified a man and a woman. Therefore this child is our burden. A baby is pure. Born without the sin of their parents. Do you understand, little one? None of this is personal."

The phrase became one you hated. "It's nothing personal." It was very personal.

Looking back on it now, he didn't have to take that baby in. He didn't have to take any of them in, yet he did. It had you thinking that maybe, somewhere deep down, that man actually felt guilt and remorse for what he did.

Then again, he always justified his actions with them being for the good of the clan.

A small part of you couldn't let go of the man you'd perceived him to be. Didn't want to believe his actions had never been out of kindness, but necessity.

You wanted to hate him, and you should have.

But you were just sad if anything. Frustrated that he was up on a pedestal that couldn't be questioned. Because if it was, they'd end up like you.

Like Kari.

Your Kari. Your little sister that had been taken far too soon from this world. Eyes such a light brown they were almost golden. Hair a fluffy mess of curls.

It was your fault she was gone.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

At the age of seven you were what most would call an absolute demon. Always getting into fights. Always biting people and using the gap between your teeth as leverage to sink them in deeper. Always showing off.

Today had been one of those days.

You'd just come back from retrieving a special object. Your goal was to turn it in to either Reik or a fellow trader. You'd decided on the later, strolling through the dirt roads of the village.

What was the name of the person you were supposed to see? Winnie? Winfred? Wonka? Eh, didn't matter anyways.

You were gonna make a pitstop first and pay a visit to your favorite old codger. Kari was sick after all. Perhaps some sweets would make her feel better. And he was the only one with a working oven.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a harsh shove to your shoulder. A few other kids shoving past you. Laughing as they raced away.

You turned your head towards where they came from, watching as an old man tried to give chase. However, he was out of breath after only a few steps.

"Old Mr. Beuru?" You mumbled.

"DAMN BRATS! YOU'RE LUCKY I AIN'T AS YOUNG AS I USED TO BE!"

Your mood immediately dampened. You gave a sigh before focusing your eyes in the distance. Three mischievous auras on your radar. You summoned your nen towards your legs and took off towards them.

It was only a matter of seconds before you caught up. You gave a jump to land in front of them and glared.

Three teenage boys. Who would've guessed?

The ringleader glared right back, popping what you assumed to be candy into his mouth.

"If it isn't one of Father's favorites. Whaddya want? We don't have time to chattering around with a diaper baby."

His two buddies snickered at his remark.

You took the first one as a compliment. Being one of Reik's favorites meant you had a good shot of becoming the clan head one day. That you were a prodigy.

The second one you wouldn't let slide. You'd already outranked these fools in both physical and nen combat. But sure, you were the baby.

"Hand over what you took." Your voice was ice and your aura was authoritative. But it did little to deter them.

"Tch, like we're gonna give you any. You know how hard it was to con that old man?"

That was all the information you needed. You were hot headed by nature. Someone who strikes first, asked questions later.

At least, that was how you used to be.

In the blink of an eye, you'd used your Caster's Net to hog tie the boy's lackies. Your anger being palpable as you tackled the third. Pushing his face in the dirt and using your nen to pin him.

"GET OFF ME!" He screeched.

"THEN GIVE BACK WHAT YOU STOLE!"

"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" He then tried to throw you off. Using his own nen to find some leeway. But as you observed, you were indeed stronger than him.

"BULL! WE'RE MEMBERS OF THE SAME COMMUNITY! IT IS MY BUSINESS WHEN YOU DECIDE TO GO AND PICK ON ONE! NOW GIVE IT BACK!"

"HE HAD IT COMING, NOW GET THE HELL OFF!!!"

"GIVE IT OR I'LL-"

The threat died on your tongue as you were hoisted up. Your nen dissipating from the shock.

It was how you found yourself being interrogated by Father. The altercation causing quite the stir in the village. He questioned the three boys first.

"What was the reason this fight started? You know fighting within the clan is looked down upon. Even more so to be feuding with a member below your age group."

The trio wasted no time coming up with a lie.

"They just jumped us. We were minding our business when they came out of nowhere." The ringleader answered.

Unawares of the eyes focused in on his aura.

"You swear that's all that happened?" Father asked.

"Uh huh. If you ask me, they need to be kept in check."

If looks could kill, you would've ended his life ten times over.

"I see. Now, Y/n what do you recall happening?"

"I was just coming back from my mission and I saw the three of them running away. Mr. Beuru was chasing them so I assumed they did something. And I was right. They stole from him. They even admitted it."

If there was one thing you despised most, it was liars and thieves. Unbeknownst to you, in about a decade that would change to hunters.

Reik looked at you thoughtfully.

"So when they wouldn't hand over what they stole, you decided to get it by force?"

"Yup."

"Fath-Reik, they're lying!"

But he'd already found out the truth. Your aura had been convicting, untainted by deceit unlike the three boys before him.

"You boys should know by now that you can't get anything past me. Please return what you've taken. I promise your punishment will be more lax if you do."

The decision shocked the three boys. But even so, they wouldn't go down without a fight.

"It's no fair! You always side with them!"

"Y/n told the truth. You did not. Am I to side with a thief and a deceiver? You three will spend two days in isolation. Do I make myself clear?"

The trio's pockets were emptied out. Small bags of hard candy found in them. You watched as they were hauled off to the Room. Sticking out your tongue as they passed you by.

You figured isolation was an appropriate punishment. Two days without light, food, and water. Served them right.

You made your way back towards the main village, carrying the bags of sweets. Turns out the person they were stolen from was the one you had been on your way to see.

You knocked twice on the door before entering. The old man looked up at you surprised.

"Guess who just got three jerks in trouble?" You jazzed your hands, causing Beuru to let out a disappointed sigh.

"What was Reik's punishment?"

"Two days of isolation. They were really annoying too. Anyways, here." You held out the bags towards him.

At that, he smiled.

"Glad my day wasn't ruined after all. You know something, Y/n?"

You gave a hum.

"You might be the only kid I can stand. You've still got sticky fingers though. Now, you know what you hafta do if you want one of my deserts."

Because Old Mr. Beuru had to beg Reik for an oven. The only one in the entire village, just so he could bake to impress the old lady he liked. And she'd been the only one he baked for until you came along. His conditions had ranged from various trivia during the time he was growing up.

With that being said, you started humming up an old tune. Then danced in a way that was completely old-fashioned.

"I already had Shura play the Charleston several times, so I'd say I'm a pro now." You bragged, promptly falling flat on your butt afterwards.

The old man laughed, bagging you up something that looked chocolate. His expression turned serious as he handed it off to you.

"Speaking of Shura, don't tell her about what happened here. Okay?"

"Why not, she worries about you, you know?"

"That's exactly why. She's all grown up now. She doesn't need to worry about me when she's got her own life going on."

It was something you didn't understand at the time. Not wanting your child to worry about you. But you sure as hell understood it in the present.

"Now get back home. Isn't your sick sister waiting?" Beuru jested.

"Yeah, yeah. See you around, fossil," you threw over your shoulder as you left.

"Die in a hole, gremlin."

When you'd returned to your home, you had to dodge several of your peers to make it to your room. Most of them wondering what happened with you this time.

You never liked how quickly word would get out.

It didn't matter anyways. Their opinion on you didn't matter. The only one whose you really cared out was...

"Hey, Kari. How's the cold coming along?"

Said girl peaked her head out of a pile of blankets before ducking back down.

"I'm dying. This is the end for me. Remember the Alamo."

You walked over to her bed snickering. Harshly pulling the covers down as she shrieked.

"The Alamo, huh? You've been spending too much time with Deshin."

She pouted up at you. Fighting in a tug of war to cover herself again.

"You've been spending too much time with Deshin. I heard you got in a fight today."

"Yeah cuz' they made me mad. Don't you wanna know why?"

"No." She replied.

You pinched her cheek in retaliation, grinning at her noise of protest.

"Fine. Be that way. It's not like I went out of my way to bring you something special. Me? Never."

Kari quickly shot up at your words. Honey colored eyes beaming as you dropped the bag into her lap.

"You do love me!"

"No duh. You better share!"

Now Kari hadn't been a prodigy like you. In fact, she was the exact opposite. She was way behind the rest of her age group. Not even capable of reading the auras of those around her.

Tracker was off the list of what she would become.

She had a basic understanding of nen and was an enhancer from what you gathered. But she had trouble fighting. Severely lacking when it came to speed.

That scratched Trapper too.

You figured she would've been a trader. Then again, she wasn't very good with people. Most of the one's she interacted with treated her less than because of her weak nen.

She just didn't really fall into any role of the clan. And that made her a target for the older age groups. It's why you met in the first place.

If there was one good thing that clan taught you, it was that your family didn't have to be blood related.

You stood up for her, and ever since then, she'd been one of your own. Your little sister by choice. You'd done your best to coach her. Slowly helping her make improvements in her strength.

And while she was improving, it wasn't fast enough.

That night, the two of stayed up watching the stars. Intertwining hands and making signs while you ate whatever sweet Beuru had made.

It wasn't too long after that things started falling apart.

Your clan hadn't been made up of just any hunters. They were all Blacklist Hunters. Doing unsavory work in the shadows to keep the clan mostly isolated.

Children, like you and her, were trained from the age of three and up to perfect their nen. Prepared by the age of twelve to take the Hunter Exam in order to properly provide for the clan.

Always for the good of the clan.

But in the meantime, most kids with advanced nen would shadow the adults on their mission. You were one of three who had that privilege. The others being your 'best friend' and a girl a year older than you.

It was one of these missions you'd just been selected for. However, you had a condition if you were gonna help out.

Kari had to come with you.

It was more of you wanting her to get experience than it was because you wanted to spend time with her.

Nevertheless, she was allowed to come with you. Your task was to locate an undercover crime boss from his picture. Hers was to be there to catch him when he got scared out.

Finding the man was easy. Based on his stature and preferred traveling habits, you were able to find him in a week. Following the cruel and murky aura all the way to his hideout.

The easy part was done. The hard part would soon begin.

"If you see anything, act. Don't be scared, okay?" You ordered the small girl.

She nodded in return.

With that, you took off with the others in your group. You'd immediately been shot at as you entered. Dodging from side to side and trying to find some cover. Luckily, one of the people you were with had a reflecting ability. Nearly cutting the size of goons in half.

The rest worked on fishing out the leader. Two of the potential targets started running towards the exit. You were only fast enough to catch one. Cracking their skull on the pavement with a kick as the other escaped.

From Kari's perspective, she saw a man fleeing. And remembering your words, used a weak strand of nen to hold him down.

"Please stay still mister. It'll only be worse if you don't." Truthfully, she didn't want to kill anybody. She was counting on you to take care of it, like you always did.

The captive struggled against the bind before begging.

"Please! What is it you people want!?! Money??? I've got plenty! I can send thousands if you let me go! Little girl you don't want to be doing this!"

Kari closed her eyes and raised up her foot. Preparing to end his life. For you. She was gonna do this for you and nobody else. Only here because you stuck your neck out for her. She didn't want to tarnish your reputation.

Then the man said something. Something that completely stopped her in her tracks.

"I HAVE A FAMILY, PLEASE!!!"

She opened her eyes shocked. It was never really something she thought about before. These targets they'd been pursuing had still been people. People with lives and loved ones.

Was it really justified ending their lives?

Was a clan built on blood really something to be proud of?

Who were they to determine if someone should live or die?

It made her feel icky the more she thought about it. Someone paid for this man to die. Or rather, they paid for him to suffer. The rule: No witnesses, no survivors had been a Mizaki invention. He didn't have to die.

So then why were they doing it?

And with her newfound revelation, she released her nen from the man. He hardly spared a glance back at her as he ran. She barley felt your confused aura from behind her.

"Why did you hesitate?"

She jumped at the sound of your voice. Figuring you'd be angry she let him get away.

"It didn't feel right." She justified.

You could only scrunch your face in confusion.

"Why not? He was the guy we were looking for. If you didn't want to kill him, you should've just held him down for me or one of the others."

"It's not that...I didn't think it was right for him to die."

It was an odd thing for you to hear. Of course it was right. It was for the good of the clan. But Kari was younger than you. She wasn't used to this. It made sense that she wouldn't understand. You knew she would in time.

"Then I won't bring you in on any more 'people' missions. Okay? But right now we have to find that man before the others find out. Messing up means a punishment from father."

But it was too late. A thud sounded ahead of you. One of the others had already caught up to your target. And they didn't look too happy about it.

"YOU ALMOST LET HIM GET AWAY! I WANNA KNOW WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!" An older woman lectured.

Before Kari could take the blame, you stepped forward.

"It was me. I miscalculated and he slipped away. I'm sorry."

You always did this. Always vouched, always protected, always accepted the responsibility. And Kari hated it.

It wasn't fair to you.

Yet she said nothing. A fear that if she spoke, she'd be banished from the clan or worse.

She looked on regretfully as you were seated in front of Reik for questioning. She could do nothing except hope you'd be back soon.

Meanwhile, you were sweating buckets. You didn't like lying to Father. He could see through anyone with his eyes.

"Back here in less than a month? It's not like you, little one. From what I gather, you let the target go. Is that correct?"

The air felt tense...But you wouldn't give your sister up that easily.

"Yes, Father. It was my fault we almost lost him."

You were kneeled down before him with your head bowed. Trying to make yourself appear smaller.

"Really? Someone with as much precision as you let the target get away? This hasn't happened to you before. Were you distracted? I'm aware that Kari was with you."

You tensed up, already knowing you'd been found out. But you were stubborn, no matter the odds.

"She was. But I was alone when he got away. She had nothing to do with it."

Your aura was heavy with deceit.

"Y/n, tell me the truth. Kari was the one who let him get away, wasn't she?"

"...No, it was me. It was my fault."

You flinched as you saw him raise a hand in your peripheral. You were surprised when it cupped your cheek, guiding you to meet his eye.

"You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep. A quality that makes for a strong hunter."

But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.

"But you out of everyone knows you can't keep things from me. I accept nothing less than the truth. This isn't a matter of stolen goods, this concerns our clan as a whole. I'm disappointed that you would jeopardize that."

The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.

"I'm truly sorry." You quickly placed your head on the floor and put a hand over your heart.

"I didn't mean anything by it. I swear I didn't. Please find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, just as I have forgiven those boys. But you still have to face your punishment. The one meant for Kari."

"Yes, Father."

"A week in isolation with the bare necessities. But before you go, I want you to think about something. You risk everything for that girl. You suffer for her. Lie for her. But what has she ever done for you besides get you in trouble? Your loyalty is everlasting and patient, but how much more will she put you through without anything in return? That is all. I hope the week will fly by for you."

You didn't know what to feel at the moment. You'd been praised for protecting Kari, then questioned on if it was the right thing to do.

You loved her, and she loved you.

Right?

She was always there for you when you got back. She always stayed up with you to watch the stars. Always engaged in silent conversations with you.

But then again, Kari never went on any missions you didn't. She never got tired like you and would stay up way past when you fell asleep. She only learned sign language because you found the book on it. She never really got you anything like you had through bartering.

You always covered up for her.

But you did it because you wanted to, not because she asked.

Everything you did for her, you never expected anything in return. Nothing except her support.

Was she supposed to be returning all these favors?

Were you going about this all wrong?

Father seemed to think so.

And maybe it did make you bitter that you were alone in the dark. Maybe you were upset that she didn't finish the target off simply because she didn't want to. Maybe you were upset that she kept blowing the chances you gave her.

Maybe you were tired of doing so much for so little in return.

But it wasn't as black and white as you were lead to believe. As soon as you'd been sentenced, Kari made her way to Reik.

"Is Y/n gonna be okay?" She asked.

"Y/n is facing a week of isolation in your place. They were very adamant on doing so. You should feel so fortunate to have someone who cares that much about you." It was said lightly.

But Kari couldn't help but feel like something malicious was hidden underneath.

"Why so harsh a punishment? It really wasn't all that bad."

She froze as she was met with small glare.

"It could've put our clan in danger. No witnesses, no survivors. If Y/n gets it in their head that it's okay to let our targets go, then they'll do it more frequently. They'll start to lag behind their age group. Right now they have a good chance of taking over the reigns when they're older.

I understand you two are close, but I fear your influence might make them soft. Make them weak. Perhaps it's for the best you two are less involved. It's for the well being of the clan that they don't fall behind. You understand that, right little one?"

And Kari's heart just about broke.

She had never viewed Reik as a father figure. He'd never been as kind to her as he was with you. And now that he verbalized he felt she was dragging you down, she could only dislike him more.

He didn't love you. He didn't love any of you. He just viewed you as a tool to get ahead.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

To say Gon and Killua were shocked would be an understatement. They knew that Palm was 'weird', having met her only once. But this was just absurd.

Apparently her nen ability allowed her to find and contact Bisky, of all people. Saying she did a little research. Whatever that meant. They were too weirded out to ask.

But it might've been for the best. Bisky had helped them out before. She'd been the one to help refine their nen attacks. Surely she could make them strong enough to defeat Morel's students.

Her first reaction upon seeing the boys again was anger. Hitting the both of them over the head for even thinking about completing their training in just a week.

Her next response was confusion. Noticing a very familiar presence was missing. 

Yours.

"Hey boys, where's Y/n?" She questioned. 

She was sure you left with them. Maybe something happened. And judging by the sulking expressions they wore, something did. Both of them deflating at the mention of your name.

"They didn't die, did they?"

Gon's head quickly shot up. Shocked and in disbelief that Bisky thought you'd die so easily.

"No! Y/n would never! They're just gone for the time being." 

"So dead."

This time it was Killua who spoke up, not wanting any further confusion.

"They're back at the NGL with our other friend. Y/n's training and probably looking for him. We…We got ambushed back there. Which is why we need to get as strong as possible quickly."

Bisky nodded, getting a grasp on the situation. She knew you were a bit flaky from your reaction on Greed Island, but maybe that could work in her favor.

Give these boys a little more incentive to push themselves.

"That's even more of a reason you should take training seriously. What do you think is gonna happen when the month's over and you don't show up? They'll be disappointed is what."

"Is it really gonna take a month?" Gon asked.

"Kite's back there, too. The sooner we get both of them out, the better." He justified.

There was something determined in his eye.

But it took more than determination to win battles. Especially up against hunters that had plenty of experience. It was best to take things slow and use up all of the available time.

It'd help them out in the long run.

"A month for sure. Now let's get started! We're going all the way back to the basics!" Bisky announced, causing grumbles from both boys.

You were strong enough to hold out for a month, right?

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

It was a murky day when you were released. Humid and cloudy. You hated it. Your footsteps lagged towards your home. You didn't think you wanted to see her right now. You'd spent so much time thinking about what Reik said.

So much time wondering if it was all true.

You hesitantly opened the door to your shared room. The creaking of the door signaling your arrival.

You were surprised to be engulfed in a hug. Why were you surprised? A mess of curls tickling your nose. You hesitated to wrap your arms around her.

"I missed you big sib. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you were in the Room for so long."

You just couldn't find it in yourself to be mad at her. No, she hadn't intentionally left you in the trenches. And you truly were a sucker for anything she did. A crumb of her affection and Father's words faded just like that.

"I missed you, too. Anything big happen while I was gone?" You already knew the answer.

"No. I've been completely bared from shadowing. That's about it...Oh! Shura said she'd play your favorite song when you got out. The one about fall."

She beamed up at you. You couldn't help but smile back.

"Really? How about we go see her right now? I'm sure she's still outside since it hasn't rained yet." A nice melody on the piano was just what you needed right now.

"And if she's not, can we just walk around instead?"

"Sure...But first I have to see Father. I need to get my next assignment before I get rusty."

You grabbed her hand and prepared to pull, but she didn't budge. You looked back at her in confusion.

"Something wrong, Kar?"

"That man isn't my father, and he's not yours either." Her tone was angry. Eyes glaring down at the floorboards.

It shocked you. She was never mad at anything. You didn't even register her words fully.

"What? Are-Are you okay? I know he's not really my dad, but-"

"You know what he really thinks of you? Of us? He thinks I'm a burden to you. He thinks of you as a tool for the clan. It's not right."

Her same words from that night.

But it only made your two loyalties clash. Your respect for Reik and your love for Kari.

"I don't know where all this is coming from, but please stop. You know you're not a burden to me. I love you. And I already know what I am. My purpose is to do what's best for the clan. To get stronger for my people."

She gaped at you for a moment. Then frustration radiated off of her.

"AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT!?! YOU MEAN NOTHING TO HIM AS A PERSON, AND YOU DON'T CARE!?!"

You could feel your own frustration start to increase.

"I didn't say that. I said it's my duty to get stronger for my people. Father sees my potential as a way to do it. That doesn't mean he doesn't care about me!"

She gave a cruel laugh.

"You're in denial! He doesn't love you! Why can't you see that!?! You're so brainwashed you can't even see what he has you doing! He's making you kill people!!! Normal kids don't do that!!!!"

"Well we're not normal! We're Mizaki! The best of the best! Sometimes that means getting our hands dirty! It's how it is! Why can't you see that!?!?"

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT RIGHT! THESE PEOPLE HAVE FAMILIES! THEY HAVE OTHERS WHO CARE ABOUT THEM! WE AREN'T IN THE RIGHT TO SAY WHO LIVES OR DIES! THINK ABOUT IT! WE DON'T HAVE TO KILL ALL OF THEM! IT'S DEAD OR ALIVE, NOT DEAD! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE SPARED SOMEONE WHO WASN'T A BABY!"

"WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY! IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, SO WHY ARE YOU TREATING IT LIKE IT IS! GOD WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!!!"

Your eyes widened when you realized what you said. It was too late to take it back. You could tell by the tears now streaming by her face.

"Kar, you know I didn't-"

"I hate you."

Your blood ran cold. You didn't know how to handle this. She'd never said that to you before. And sure you had your fights, but never like this.

"You don't mean that." Your voice was pleading.

"I hate you. Just go away. Run away to Reik like you always do. You love him more than me anyways."

She pushed past you and out the door.

You could only stand in the center of the room. Mulling over everything that was said. Crying softly as you realized she meant every word.

She really did hate you, didn't she?

You should've kept your mouth shut. You just had to go and ruin everything.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

You threw up for the fifth time today. Already two weeks in and you still couldn't do it. You still couldn't stand the feeling of blood. 

You managed to desensitize yourself some when it came to seeing it. The blue blood, at least. You didn't think you could handle red blood.

The feeling of it splattering against your skin or landing on your clothes was enough for you to panic. Collecting the rain and using it to rub your skin clean. To wash away the sticky liquid from your face.

Scrubbing away until your skin was raw. And even then, you still felt filthy.

Your ears picked up a whirring sound. Something was flying towards you. You had a good feeling you knew what it was.

You could feel the bloodlust before you saw the ant. It looked at you with a hungry expression. You were so damn tired of killing these things.

Trying to take out your frustrations on them, only to feel even worse after. It didn't help that you felt two more incredibly malicious auras awaken during the week.

Two more royal guards.

And you couldn't do a damn thing about it unless you wanted to die.

For now, you kept yourself busy with the weaker ones that approached you. Thinking you were easy prey.

"See that line," you said as you pointed to a straight line in the dirt.

"As long as you don't cross that, I'll let you live. I don't care what else you do." Your voice was tired, but healed.

It didn't sting anymore when you spoke.

"You think you can scare me? I'll eat your flesh from your bones!" 

The ant lunged towards you. With a snap of your finger, it's body was left hanging in front of you. Dead in a matter of seconds.

You released your nen and watched it fall. The blue spittle from its mouth landing on your shoe. Your stomach immediately churning in disgust.

Make that six times.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

The days seemed to fly by with Bisky's rigorous training. Gon and Killua were already two weeks in. Two weeks of forcing themselves to keep ren as long as possible. Two weeks of fighting Knuckle immediately after.

Two weeks of worrying about you.

It was the middle of the afternoon and they were still struggling to maintain their Ren. Going on the second hour when small thuds sounded at the window.

It was raining, and heavily by the sound of it.

Both boys immediately lost all the fight in them. Giving up on maintaining their aura and looking dejectedly outside.

The rain.

You always smelled like fresh rain.

Something that had been odd, yet comforting.

It was like they just couldn't escape your presence. Unable to focus on training anymore now that they had been reminded of you. Missing you even more now that they couldn't avoid a scent so reminiscent of yours.

"Hey! What's the matter with you two!?! Training isn't over yet!" Bisky scolded.

But neither of them paid her any mind. Instead, watching as it continued pouring outside. Wondering how you were doing out there.

Did you have some shelter from the rain?

Were you warm?

Had you been able to find something to eat?

Things they were sure would have been laughable to you. 

"Can we take a break? Just until the rain stops." Gon asked, earning a confused look from Bisky.

"Why? You know we don't have time to be wasting. We only have two weeks left." 

She couldn't, for the life of her, understand why now of all times they would want to take a break .It wasn't like they were training outside in the rain. And even then, she'd still make them work.

"You wouldn't understand. Either way, we don't feel like training right now. Not while it's still raining. We won't be able to focus," Killua explained. 

It's not that he didn't trust Bisky, but the reason was just too embarrassing to tell her. Especially with Palm eyeing them from the kitchen.

"Fine. But don't expect any breaks for two days, got it?" 

The duo nodded, relieved they'd been allowed a small moment of peace.

Killua quickly went to crack open a window. Allowing the sound of rain to be more prominent throughout the small home.

Gon went into the room that had been yours. Eyeing the messy sheets with a bittersweet feeling. 

They'd spent about a week taking care of you here. Making sure you wouldn't die of blood loss. That you'd make a full recovery. And then you'd let in a hurry.

He grabbed the comforter you wrapped around the two of you that night. Dragging it out to the spot Killua had chosen.

The both of them sat down, tossing one side of the comforter over to the other. Basking in the warmth it brought along with your scent.

Almost like you were here, giving them a hug.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

It was only five days after your fight that you'd been assigned to shadow another mission. You didn't get a chance to apologize. She'd avoided you too well for you to even make the effort.

But you thought hard about what she said.

You didn't have a problem if Reik didn't really care about you. At the end of the day, he was a mentor. Made to make you stronger. And if that was the extent of your relationship, then so be it.

You only cared about if Kari loved you, and the longer it took to make amends, the less likely it would be.

The thing you really took to heart was her accusations towards the way the clan was ran. She was right about them not having to always kill a target.

She was right about many of them having families. You'd heard so many pleas that you eventually became desensitized. Maybe you could prove a point. Maybe you did have a choice and the clan just went with the easiest one.

It was just your luck that Deshin was shadowing with you. A boy your age with a mixture of black and white hair. Thus the nickname you gave him: cookies'n cream.

He was your rival in a sense. Always competing and pushing to out do each other. It became a friendship built on mutual respect. You argued and teased each other, but that's what kept things interesting.

Your assignment today was to stop anyone inside the building from escaping. A mundane job but considering you took the blame for the last guy escaping, it was only fair.

You scanned inside the building with your eyes as the others went in. It was a decently sized house. You couldn't help but pity whoever was inside.

You'd never done that before.

You watched the relaxed auras inside become overrun with fear. The little blimps of life disappearing one by one. A few screams here and there.

Then you saw one approaching the exit. It was a woman who appeared injured. Blood trailing down her head as she ran.

You quickly intercepted her. Her frantic aura calmed a bit upon seeing you.

"Oh, sweetie. You have to get out of here now. There are bad people inside. We have to run while we can, c'mon!"

You hesitated as she extended a hand out to you.

There was so much sympathy radiating off of her. Motherly, was the feeling. A stranger that was warning you about your own people.

It was dumbfounding.

Father never had this much softness in his aura when he addressed you.

The screams from the building started to quiet down. The woman only further urged you to come with her. Was that guilt you were starting to feel.

A job was a job.

But maybe, things could go differently this time.

"I'm really sorry, ma'am. But there's a bounty on someone who lives here. We have to take in everyone by association no matter what. Please don't take this personally."

She looked at you like she hadn't heard right. Then her panic was full force once again.

She let out a yelp as you summoned your nen to restrain her.

"Please! Please don't do this! My son, he's inside! Please, if you have any humanity at least let him live!"

You couldn't handle her pleas anymore. Using your aura to knock her out. This....This all felt wrong.

You knew if her son was an infant, he'd be fine. Maybe, she would be fine too.

You startled as you felt someone from the group approach. Another older woman. She looked between you and your still breathing captive.

"Why is she still alive. You have your orders."

You glanced down at the lady. Remembering Kari's words.

Dead or alive. Not just dead.

"Why...Why can't we let them live? Why can't we just leave?"

Your superior looked at you like you just grew two heads. Her surprise was replaced by a scowl.

"Because Reik said so. You know better than anyone else we can't hesitate. We have to finish the job we were given."

She moved towards your captive, pressing her shoe against her face.

"No don't-!"

'SMASH!'

A harsh stomp combined with a booming crunch as blood poured from what once was that woman's head.

"You've become soft, Y/n."

But all you could focus on was the blood pooling under that woman. She didn't deserve this. You could have saved her. You could have let her go.

The crimson liquid eventually reached you. Grazing the boots you were wearing before you stepped back. A feeling of disgust and something scared guided your actions.

Your eyes never leaving the body. Then all at once you felt vile start to rise in your throat. You quickly turned away and started heaving over a bush.

Shaking with tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. An innocent person's blood on your shoe. Dirtied and tainted.

You were tainted.

The woman watching you only scoffed. You were acting like a toddler in the middle of a mission.

You felt a hand reach out for you and shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me!"

You backed away and were met with a very concerned gaze.

"Woah, gap-tooth. Are you okay?"

It might've been the only time Deshin showed actual concern for you. But that was because you've never acted like this before. You weren't fazed by the sight of blood. Or at least you hadn't been.

You were supposed to be one of the greats, just like him. But right now, you were weak.

"I-I need to go. Right now."

You made a move to leave, but were stopped by a firm grip on your wrist.

"Is this about the fight with Kari? She told me you two got upset with each other. Maybe you just need a break. You're probably just stressed."

This was not stress.

This was a horrific revelation.

"Please, not right now." You were about five seconds away from crying. And then your reputation would be ruined. If it wasn't already.

You'd already been disgraced in front of your peers.

"Then let me walk you back. You're not in your right mind to go by yourself." Deshin could be just as persistent as you.

And this time, you appreciated it.

You gave a nod before scampering away. Going as fast as you could through the trees. Deshin was hot on your trail. Helping you when you would mistep.

You made it back to your home by daybreak. This time, jumping up to your window instead of going through the inside.

You didn't want to deal with anyone else right now.

You fell into your room, collapsing on the floor. Finally in the comfort of solitude, you broke down. Skittering towards a wall and throwing off your boots.

They were tainted.

"Dirty. I'm dirty. I'm gross! I'm gross I'm gross!"

You were sobbing openly now as you hugged your knees to your chest.

"Dirty Dirty Dirty!"

You were unaware of your surroundings at the moment. Not noticing worried honey colored eyes watching your breakdown.

She may have been mad at you, but she'd never seen you cry before. She'd never seen you this broken before.

What did they do to you?

What did they say?

She took small steps towards you. Inching closer and closer until she could reach out and touch you.

You let out a scream feeling arms wrap around you.

"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T!"

But the hug was tight. A head rested on top of yours despite the struggling.

"Shhh. It's okay. I'm here, Y/n. You're here with me." Kari tried to soothe.

You froze up at the sound of her voice. The feeling of her folding your fingers over and over again to sign out 'safe', helped calm you.

You sniffled as she continued to hold you.

"You were right. We don't have a choice. I tried. I really did, but they just killed her. Ari made me watch. I-I-I felt the blood under my shoe. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She didn't like the way you cried harder. She didn't like how she was right. She hoped deep down that she was wrong. That maybe she was just jealous about the attention you gave Reik.

She wished that was the case.

If it were, then she wouldn't have to watch her big sibling break right in front of her.

"I'm sorry, for saying that I hated you. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to get mad at you. Maybe if I hadn't, you'd be okay."

You shook your head against her.

"Not your fault."

Then your next words came as a shock to her.

"We have to get out of here. I don't want to be apart of this anymore. That lady, she wanted to help me, and I got her killed. I don't wanna do it anymore. I don't want to hurt people anymore."

You wanted to leave.

And so did she.

But it was practically unheard of to leave the clan unless it was for business. Could the two of you really do it?

"Hey, Y/n?"

You clutched her tighter in response.

"Promise me. You have to promise me you won't listen to them anymore. Not to any of the superiors and not to Reik. Okay?"

Her pinkie intertwined with yours.

"I promise." You whispered.

"Now can we do one more? A real promise this time."

She summoned her faint nen into her palm. You couldn't do anything but follow suit. Still in a daze from what happened.

"Let's promise that neither of us will ever fight or kill another human being again."

You nodded. Pulling back to look her in the eye. Taking a breath before starting the chant.

"On this day I do declare, it's on my nen that I swear."

A burning sensation tingled on your wrist. By the uncomfy look on Kari's face, she felt it as well.

You two would find a way out of here.

Without hurting anyone else.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

Week three, and Gon was already on his way to fight Knuckle. Killua had stayed behind to have a talk with Bisky. 

Lucky, she was probably gonna give him some secret pointers.

Nevertheless, he approached the usual spot. A small huddle of dogs surrounded the Beast Hunter. You would have definitely liked Knuckle. You probably would have argued with him first, but you would've come around.

Just like with Kite.

He hoped the both of you were still okay. 

"You ready, kid?" Knuckle taunted as he stood up. The dogs around him whining at his lack of attention.

"You bet! Today for sure, I just know it!" Gon did in fact not know it. But he was hopeful he was getting better.

Then the thundering started.

And the rain once again followed suit.

It'd been doing that a lot lately. Maybe it was the universe playing a cruel trick. Whatever the reason for the murky weather, it didn't matter.

He lost all his fire anyway. Shoulders dropping and expression glum. 

"Geez, you look like somebody just died. Are you sure you're good to fight? Not that I care or anything, punk!" Knuckle tried and failed to hide his concern.

It didn't hurt to give him an honest answer.

"I'm sorry Mr. Knuckle, but it looks like our fight's canceled." 

"You scared of the rain or something?"

"No, nothing like that. It's just…the rain reminds me of my big sibling. You see, right now they're waiting in the NGL for me and Killua. They left to train, same as us. And neither of us can focus now when it rains. We just start thinking about them and if they're okay. If they've found our other friend there. 

We just miss them. I really miss them. So I hope you don't mind that I can't fight you now. I really don't mean you any disrespect." Gon looked at Knuckle expecting to see him angry.

Instead, he was sniffling and wiping his eyes. When he noticed Gon's staring, he gave a halfhearted glare.

"I'm not crying, so don't you go telling people I am! I just have something in my eye! Now go on home and get a good night's rest! I better not see you out here when it rains ever again! You'll *sniff* catch a cold!"

Gon held back a laugh as he walked away.

"Okay! I won't! Thank you Mr. Knuckle!"

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

You couldn't find any information on people who'd left the clan. Not even an old excerpt. Like the thought never occurred to anyone. As if it never happened.

Soooo, you resorted to just asking around. Your first attempt was old Mr. Beuru.

"Hey, dinosaur. I've got a question for you."

He swatted at you with an old dusty news paper.

"Yeah, well spit it out, demon. I open in ten minutes."

"What happens to people who leave the clan?"

He froze. All the color draining from his face. For a brief moment, you thought he was having a heart attack. You could feel uncertainty start to rise within his aura. You couldn't help but notice the worry there as well.

"Get out of my store." It sounded cold, but his being was regretful. Like he didn't want to be doing this.

"It's just a question. It's not like-"

"Get out and stay out. Don't ever come back here. I mean it, Y/n."

He'd never used your name before. Not unless he was serious.

It stung.

"Geez, fine. Not like an old man like you would know anyways." You left disheartened.

He wasn't joking. He didn't want you to come back.

And as he watched you leave, he sunk into himself.

"I really wish I could help ya, kid. But it's best if we both forget you asked that. I'm already at risk by not reporting that in, and who knows how many you've already asked. I have to look after my own.

May Reik have mercy on your soul."

The next few people you asked had similar reactions. All going deadly silent before turning you away. It must've been a taboo subject.

You decided there was one more person you'd question: Shura. One of the nicest people you've ever met. You knew she'd help for sure.

You followed the sound of light piano strokes. A feathery voice accompanying it.

"He’d take a very nice lady and talk her down small, till she fits in the palm of his hand.

Keeps his love on the shelf, only thinks about himself.

And that’s a cold-hearted man~"

You wasted no time shoving yourself to the front. Elbowing anyone who got in your way.

She stopped playing just in time to see you.

"Ms. Shura! I've got something to ask you! But in private tho because people keep acting weird!"

She laughed at your remark. Giving a playful roll of her eyes before addressing you.

"Only you, Y/n. Please make it quick. You know how restless everyone gets. You included." She got up and followed you a little ways away from the small crowd.

"Now, tell me what's on your mind."

"I already asked your dad if he knew, but he was just a grouch about it. And so are a lot of the people I've asked. I know you won't be though. Okay here goes.

What happens if someone leaves the clan?"

And like clockwork, she paled. Looking at you with panic.

"I can't-I'm not sure-" she stuttered for a response.

"Oh honey, just what have you gotten yourself into to. How many people have you asked?"

"Dunno. Like ten."

She took a shakey sigh. Grief radiating off of her.

"... Those who leave the clan are thought of as traitors. And because they hold our secrets, they have to be...."

There was so much sadness in her eyes. All of it directed towards you.

"They're dealt with the way we deal with targets. And talks about leaving are treated like treason. The punishment is the same.....I-oh, Y/n. You can't stop by here anymore."

You were once again being pushed away. And this time you wanted to know why.

"Why? Is there some penalty for talking to me now?"

"Sweety, I've already said too much. You have to go home right now. Please, it's for your own good."

That caught your attention. Were you putting her at risk by talking about it? What did she mean by for your own good? You didn't get the chance to ask as she quickly backed away.

Leaving you standing confused.

You reported it all back to Kari, who had just about as much luck as you. With no other conclusion other than the both of you would die if you were caught, it was time to devise a plan.

You waited two weeks. Learning the paths each individual would take during both the day and night. Who would come and go.

With the recent change and in weather, you decided a rainy night would be the best chance. Nobody would be out. And if they were, you'd be able to handle them.

"Hey, Y/n. When we get out, you promise we'll stay together?"

You gave a wide smile at her question.

"Forever and beyond. But we gotta have some basic goals, don't you think? Let's have a big house!"

"And a dog! I want a puppy." She added.

You nodded excitedly.

"Ooh! I've got a great one! Let's go to one of those amusement parks! I wanna ride the big circle! I heard you can see everything from the top."

"I think they call that one a Ferris wheel. But yeah! Anything else?"

"Not that I can think of. But I have a feeling we'll come up with more."

It was one of the last interactions you ever had with her. One last bit of peace before everything went wrong.

You waited for the thundering sound of rain. Cracking open your window when it was in full force. You jumped down, bracing your legs against the force.

'Now you.'

You made exaggerated signs so she'd be able to see.

Kari gave a brief nod and jumped. You caught her with ease. Setting her down and making sure to have a firm grip on her hand.

"We walk. They might suspect something if we run." You whispered before leading her forwards.

You two moved in silence. The rain masking any potential audible steps. So far so good. You were about halfway through the village.

You were really gonna do it.

You were really gonna leave.

You could feel your heart beating in your chest. Both out of nerves and excitement.

"It's about time. We were starting to wonder when you'd try to leave."

The both of you froze. Angry and disappointed auras surrounded the two of you.

You shouldn't have asked around.

You shouldn't have tried to get information.

You really should have took Beuru's reaction as a sign.

Maybe then you wouldn't be here so afraid. So terrified of dying.

But you had a responsibility. You had something to protect right now. As long as she got out safe, you'd accept whatever happened to you.

You could feel her fear. See her shaking.

"Well, what'll it be children? A swift death or will you run?" A man questioned.

You tensed up and prepared to make your move.

'Guard up.' You quickly signed.

You felt Kari engulf her body in her aura, then released your own. Pouring all your ill intentions to make it stronger.

The feeling of it caught the people in front of you off guard. Some falling down from the force.

You took that as your opportunity to run. Using all your nen into your legs and pushing them the fastest they would go.

You could sense others falling in pursuit. Barley dodging any projectiles sent your way. You prided yourself on your speed.

It was good to know that all your training had paid off. You'd urged Kari in front of you. Making sure she was ahead of everyone.

A bullet whizzed by your check.

Not good.

"Keep running! Look at me! Look at me!" You ordered. Her frantic eyes meeting yours.

"Don't stop! Not even for a second because if you do, we're dead! I'll be right behind you, Kari!"

With that you turned on the heel of your shoe. Coming face to face with a very familiar person.

"I knew something was up with you, but I never would of guessed this." Deshin sighed out.

"Maybe if you tell Father what happened, he'll spare you. Both of you. I don't want to fight you"

You took a step back from him.

Was this what you sounded like to Kari?

Oblivious to anything not under Reik's eye?

Taking his word as absolute.

"Then don't fight me. Just back off and let us go." 

He flashed you a hurt look before you lunged forward. You just couldn't risk it. Not when the two of you were this close.

Your first made contact with his stomach. The attack surprising him. Not ready to block it off with his nen. 

You raced after Kari as he crumpled to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

You practically leapt over the gate, following after the faint trail of Kari's aura. Your hopeful look replaced by sheer terror when you reached her.

Reik had his hand around her neck, dangling her off the floor. He met your terrified look with one of disappointment.

"Naughty children, dealing with the consequences of their actions. Look at you? Are you frightened?"

You started trembling at the intensity from his aura. So malicious and cruel. So cold and unforgiving. You wouldn't feel another one like it until 13 years later. 

Your eyes unable to look away from the sight. Kari watched with panic as you took a step backwards. Then three.

"Y/N!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!! YOU PROMISED!!!!" She struggled against the tight grip around her neck. Hopelessly kicking her legs in an attempt to get free.

Reik observed your cowardly actions with disapproval.

"Fine then, be a coward. Flee if you're so desperate to 'live.' Run if you're going to run. Use those eyes of yours to forever watch over your shoulder. But no matter how fast you are or how far you go, we will always be able to find you. Whether it be a whisper of your name or a spark of your aura, your fate is sealed."

A sickening 'snap' reverberated throughout the forest.

You didn't even get the chance to see her body hit the floor. Already fleeing as fast as you could. Pushing your legs the fastest they would go and then some.

You didn't stop for a whole day. Collapsing on the ground when you felt like you were far enough. You stayed on the floor unmoving.

Most likely you were going into shock.

You made no move to get up, even as you were shivering from the cold. Your clothes completely soaked through.

You laid there cold and now hungry.

But you didn't move, not an inch….

Because you deserved to suffer for her death.

You knew you were in the alleyway of some city, but that was all. You knew nothing aside from that. Your mind unable to process everything that just happened.

The first few days ended up with you reaching for Kari, only to find out she wasn't there.

It took you about a month to come to terms with your current situation. And when you did, you cried. You sobbed until your eyes and throat hurt. She was gone. She was gone and you couldn't even have a proper burial for her.

You were free, but at what costs?

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

The first year you tried to make an honest living. Asking around if anybody had food or water to spare.

You learned very quick the world wasn't too kind to street rats.

If you weren't ignored, you were yelled at for bothering them.

It got to the point where you were so hungry, you stole an old loaf of bread from a dumpster. The owner of the establishment catching you in the act.

He chased you down, along with some other men. And due to your malnourishment, you didn't have to strength to outrun them.

Instead, curling into a ball as you tripped. Clinging onto to only food you would have in days. 

Pain.

Excruciating pain.

Your first response when they started kicking you was to get up and fight back. But as you sat up and caught one of their legs, your wrist started burning.

Your promise to Kari.

You wouldn't have minded breaking it. You had no use for nen now that you'd been exiled from your clan.

But it was the only thing you had left of her.

So you endured it.

You let them beat you down until they got tired and left. Your bread smashed flat. 

You weren't even hungry anymore.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

By your fifth year running from city to city, you gave up on trying to survive honestly. What was the point of being a good person anymore? You already had blood on your hands.

You used your speed to your advantage, stealing the money from wallets and purses in order to feed yourself. Using whatever was left over to buy yourself cheap clothes.

Occasionally you'd steal those too.

You weren't living anymore.

You were surviving.

You had nothing except your life and the promise attached to it.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

About ten years in, you stole something that would become your golden goose. An old game cartridge with a ring. The name of it: Greed Island.

You remembered hearing about this. Some hunter dude made it. And from what you recalled, it was a very rare game. Going for billions at auction houses.

But you stopped caring about money years ago. No, what you were interested in was what the game did. 

It teleported people inside.

Away from the real world.

You'd finally be able to stop looking over your shoulders. You wouldn't have to worry about maintaining your zetsu.

So you went to one of those bidder places and promised you'd beat the game. Choosing whatever three cards they wanted if you were able to play.

The idiot, of course agreed.

And you'd spent two years there. Isolated because it was better that way. Card raiders showing up every now and then. But you showed them why it would be wise to stay away from you.

Terrifying them to the point they avoided your little territory. And you were content to live that way. Content to spend the rest of your days there.

Until the boys showed up.

And now you were here.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

You just couldn't do it. You couldn't kill these things without triggering your hemophobia. And if you couldn't work past that, then all the time spent here was a waste. You were useless if you couldn't even stand the feeling of a drop of blood on you.

You knew there would be much more when it came time to face the queen and her guards.

Damnit.

If only there was a way for you to fight from a sizeable distance. One that wouldn't risk anything touching you. One that wouldn't exactly count as you fighting.

A weapon was out of the question. Not unless you could use a bow and arrow. And even then, you had precise calculations, aim not so much.

You weren't exactly a manipulator and trying this late in the game would be futile. 

Maybe you could conjure something?

You were good at visualization. You were sure of that, even if you were a little rusty. So what then?

What would you conjure?

"Hey, Y/n! Guess what I found for us!" Kari shouted. You'd closed your ears from the noise, but were more than happy to go along.

"What'd you find?"

She lifted up the floorboard and revealed two small marionettes. A rusty clown puppet and a burnt ballerina.

"Get that out of the room right now. There's a 95% chance they're possessed." You lectured, not even bothering to touch them.

"They only look like that because I found them in a burt down farmhouse. It gives them personality. Please, can we keep them? We've never been allowed to have real toys. Please?"

And as always you were a sucker for her.

"Fine. Which one's mine and which one's yours?"

"You can have the ballerina: Shika. And I'll keep Henry."

"You give out the most horrendous names, I swear. But thank you for finding these for us."

Yeah.

Henry and Shika.

Puppets with strings.

They could be operated at a distance. And you had seen them plenty that conjuring would be a breeze. The only catch though…

Could you make them physical before time ran out?

You didn't get a chance to try it out before you were surrounded by ants. Probably a squadron if you had to guess.

"The line. Don't cross it." You warned once again.

But did they listen?

They never did.

You got up to one again use your Caster's Net. However, things just wouldn't go your way today. A fog rolled in. No, not a fog.

Smoke.

So thick you couldn't see through it. And neither could the ants judging by their confused sounds. You quickly focused your eyes to find their auras, not wanting to be ambushed.

Yet the second you did, a portal opened up under you. You fell to the ground of a small room along with the ants. 

The light in there was blinding. Like a hospital room. Then you heard a voice. A familiar voice you hadn't heard in years.

"Alright, let's see if any of you prove to be a good warm up."

That old geezer.

Of course the association sent him in.

Why wouldn't they?

You didn't have anytime to control your aura before it erupted. An anger so thick, it was suffocating. The ants near you collapsing on the ground as you made your way to the front.

Netero's eyes went wide when he realized that aura was coming from you.

"So you made it after all. I thought for sure you would have stayed with those boys."

"Cut the shit. Let me out of whatever this is and I'll have the pleasure of never seeing you again." You knew you were probably being too mean. But damnit, he sanctioned and allowed the things Reik did.

Were you not supposed to be upset with that?!?

"Still rude, I see."

Your aura only intensified at the remark. You took a deep breath before calming down. You were being an idiot. Overreacting after finally letting your memories resurface.

Holding a grudge against Netero but not against the man who killed your sister?

Pathetic.

You needed to ne smart about this. Not become overwhelmed by your grief and frustration.

"Just get me out of here. I don't have the time to be upset right now. I have to be training." 

At this, the old man quirked a brow.

"Training? These ants must be tougher than I thought."

"It's not the regular ants I'm worried about. It's that damn furry." You mumbled. You'd get that cat bitch back if it was one of the last things you did.

"Hey, old man? Let me ask you something. Why do you continue to associate with that man? You know what he's done. What he's still doing. Why are you still friends with him?" You wanted to know. To have bit of closure on that chapter of your life.

You figured if they hadn't come for you now, then you truly were free to live. That didn't mean you wouldn't be careful still.

"It is not my decision to associate with your-with Reik." He corrected before continuing.

"It's the Hunter's Association. I have no control over what they rule in favor of. But I suppose no one ever told you that. Not at your young age."

"I was seven. And now I don't care enough about hunters to ask around. I just wanted a straight answer, and now that I have it, get me out of here." You sounded drained.

By the dark circles under your eyes, you looked drained too.

"Very well then. I wish you luck out there."

"Suck an egg old geezer."

You remembered meeting the old man when you were younger. Reik introduced you as a prodigy, like he always did. Based on that, Netero challenged you to a game.

One he would have later challenged your two boys.

If you could take the ball from him, he would make you an honorary hunter. And back then that'd been your purpose. Your one goal.

So you played along. Almost swiping away the ball several times before giving up. You'd liked him back then. 

But your perspective of all hunters had been soured since then. You didn't want anything to do with them. 

And it would have stayed that way had you not met Gon and Killua. They'd shown you once again that hunters weren't all that bad.

That it was just some people who could be terrible. It didn't matter what they were. You'd changed a lot since you were a kid.

But now, you were starting to become the person you were.

The one who loved to be around their peers. 

The one who loved to joke around and laugh with their loved ones.

The one who loved living instead of being forced to survive.

---------------------------

Fun Fact #15: Y/n isn't a fan of sour foods. 'Why is it spicy' reaction

MASTERLIST

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs

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An: Sorry it took so long! We should be getting the alternate chapter for decisions in a few days. Maybe two??? Also for chapter fifteen, I present you with a choice 😏

[yandere-fics]

nsfw alphabet for the Evil Dragon?

ngl she could do whatever she wants with me

(It's like I posted that she was a seven foot tall dragon lady with two dicks and everyone gained a death wish lol. She would probably break most people lol. Don't worry I'm also very delusional when it comes to her but damn I got like five new asks for her overnight. I'm wondering which post of mine was the one that blew up. PS This took so long to write so please let me know if you're happy with it. I love alphabets but god they are so long.)

♡ Veronia's NSFW Alphabet ♡

♡ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) ♡

If this is the first time, I must apologize but you probably won't get much. Dragons are heavy sleepers in two circumstances, one in the snow, or if they have just finished the mating bond with their mate. She'll try to be awake long enough to take you two to a tub covered in gems that she looted specifically for you, warm up the water slightly, perhaps have another round in the tub, and then lay on top of you and fall asleep. You better pray that she dressed you both or there's fur close enough for you to grab cause she's gonna be completely knocked out for the next half a day. If you're lucky she might roll in her sleep slightly and give you wiggle room to go sit somewhere else in the cave.

Any other time after that then you'll get the best care, and she might even fly to go get a nice pretty jewel for you to show how she appreciates you. Either that or she'll think you look cold so she'll go fight a bear so when the merchant comes for their monthly trip, she can get someone to turn it into a thick blanket for you. She does love burying you in furs.

♡ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) ♡

It's the tail. Sometimes she'll go into a half human, half dragon form and so she'll have her tail visible. Though it's not at full size, but it's pretty big and thick and flexible, perfect for keeping you close to her when she falls asleep in the winter. Heads up though, do not try to initiate anything when she's in this form, she might wreck you. You'll die though it might be worth it.

For you, it's the boobas. Doesn't matter the size or if there's basically nothing there. Your chest is soft compared to hers and seeing the huge difference between your squishy human chest and her rough dragon chest, makes her absolutely feral. Use that information wisely.

♡ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) ♡

Well she has two of them so it's getting everywhere regardless of what you do. Might want to bathe a couple of times afterwards. Don't worry, Veronia has stones that will conjure more water so bathe as many times as you need to get it off of you. Veronia truly would love modern plumbing but alas this is what you must work with.

She really has no preference with it because it's going everywhere anyways so it doesn't matter too much. She might get a bit upset if she can't ever do it inside, like please she has stones that work as birth control(she stole the stone from a prince having a tryst with his lover). She has a weird fixation on when it lands on your back as well. Can't really figure out why she likes that so much though.

♡ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) ♡

She secretly really wants to make you ride her tail but she's a little scared that the scales will be too rough on your skin even if you find a softer part to do it on so she stops herself. She also very much likes when her claws are out and seeing them slightly dig into the meat on your hips when she holds you. She files them so they don't puncture the skin but the dragon instincts that she buries in order to not hurt you, really hope it'll pierce the skin even slightly.

♡ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) ♡

What kind of experience do you think a dragon lady who sits alone in the forest and has been waiting for her mate for her entire life, has? She is a complete and total virgin. I mean instincts can guide her somewhat but there's no way that she's going to know everything the first time since dragon instincts can be rough so she's gonna need you to tell her exactly how rough or soft she needs to be. Veronia accidentally discovers oral and fingering, does not know she needs to prep you at all, she's just too curious not to try and is happy to discover the effect it has on you.

♡ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) ♡

This one is not one that she is willing to do often because she doesn't want to hurt you and with two dicks, it gets complicated, but she loves when you're on your side and one of your legs is lifted. Might want to stretch properly cause this is one she favors after she wakes up from her long winter sleeps. Just be careful and tell her if she pushes your leg a bit too high or she might hurt you and then want to avoid touching you too much forever.

♡ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) ♡

Veronia is very quiet most the time anyways so there's no much goofiness in her normally. If you try to goof a bit then there's a high probability that she won't understand what you mean at the time. Try not to tease her too much cause she'll think you're being actually serious and then might rail you harder.

She might get a bit cocky(no pun intended), especially if she has you folded over underneath her but that's the extent of your goofiness that you will get. If you're having a long session though then she might tease you back once she gets in the zone but she'll feel kind of embarrassed afterwards that she acted like that.

♡ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) ♡

Her skin is rough and scaly, it's a wonder that she even manages to have hair on her head with how hard it is for any hair at all to grow on her body. I mean if you want though then she can find a way to grow hair in other places. She has scales around the base of her cocks, some scales on her shoulder blades, some around her side thigh/ butt area.

♡ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) ♡

100% romance, even when she teases you and rails you until you feel like you might pass out, she's making sure her arm is beneath your head. She'll pull out midway through just to rearrange the nest of furs because there's a sudden chill in the cave. It's a bit annoying when she accidentally edges you just because everything needs to be perfect for the most precious thing in her hoard.

It will also prolong it for her which might make her a bit more tense, luckily you're there to relieve all her stress.

♡ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) ♡

All the time, on the first day she takes you, she'll just randomly wander off for at least a week cause being too close to her mate after years makes her feel like she's going to blow up. Once you two settle into routine then she'll hold herself back most of the time so she'll only need it if you snuggle extra close to her in your sleep. Wow she's so respectful!

♡ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) ♡

Seeing you draped in the things she has taken for her hoard. Especially if you use the things that have been freshly stolen. If you were to put on a cloak that she had just gotten back from looting, she would combust. It really makes adding to her hoard worth it and the time away from you is worth it if she can bend you over the vanity that she transported to her cave very carefully so you could get ready in the morning.

She stole a mirror lined with gems one time and accidentally developed a kink for fucking you in the mirror.

♡ L = Location (favorite places to do the do) ♡

Anywhere in her territory is game but her cave is preferred. If you're out of her cave then she has to make you ride her cause there's no way she's gonna let you touch the dirt during this time.

♡ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) ♡

You in general. She is always a second away from combusting because her dragon instinct literally want to lock you in her cave forever, only wearing the furs that she has gifted you. Alas she doesn't want to make you unhappy so she has to hold back but it puts her on edge and makes her want to claim you at any provocation.

♡ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) ♡

Hurt you on purpose, besides bite marks and claw marks. Degrade you, no matter how much you say you like it, she can't do it, she can't think of one negative word to say about you.

♡ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) ♡

She is all for it in either way. She slightly likes receiving more but that's because to her it's a rare thing that she doesn't think she'll ever get since she doesn't want any chance of hurting you. But if it was something she was getting regularly then she'd probably like both equally. When she receives it lasts one round though, and when you receive, it goes for at least three.

In terms of skill she has none, you have to guide her through it so she can get better at it. What she lacks in skill, she makes up for in a long rough tongue and large hands that will hold you in place as you wriggle in her grasp. Might lift you in the air if she feels like you're wiggling too much. And if she tells you to sit on her face then fucking sit on her face or you might see her dragon instincts showing more.

♡ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) ♡

Slow so she doesn't break you. You'll have to tease her alot if you want her to up the pace. If you decide that you want to take both cocks at once then she might actually break you because it's just so pleasing to her dragon, she won't be able to help going for three really quick, rough rounds. Don't worry you'll enjoy it equally either way.

♡ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) ♡

You've probably tried to initiate quickies before she goes looting but that always winds up with her skipping the looting that day. There's no way that she's leaving you with your needs not fulfilled completely. Sorry if you had dreams of luring her into a quickie but she might get a bit riled up if you try to end it after just one round. Hold still and let her completely fill you or at least keep her mouth on you for a few hours.

♡ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) ♡

You're taking a risk every time you sleep with her. She's literally a massive monster barely masquerading as a somewhat human muscle woman. The biggest risk she'll take is trying to fill you with both cocks at once but that is the amount she is willing to experiment. This poor virgin loser can't handle anything saucier than that.

♡ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) ♡

She's been flying for miles for years so she's built up a great amount of stamina. Needless to say her years of intense physical activity will not go to waste. She's honestly built like a fucking machine. She'll break you if her full stamina is used on you, but she's pretty satisfied with only cumming once, for you though it's honestly probably the tenth time.

♡ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) ♡

Where would she get a toy in the middle of the forest? Especially when the person who is inventing all the toys in the kingdom is literally a dragon slayer. There's no way she'd use something that Elisha invented, on you. No fucking way. Honestly a bit offended if you insinuate it.

♡ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) ♡

If she gets comfortable then you're going to be teased mercilessly but usually she's holding back so she's gonna be mostly too focused on holding back to be able to tease you at all. Her teasing tends to be very sweet though and mostly accidental.

She might compliment you too much and start to make you feel embarrassed. She doesn't mean to tease you, it's just when she's buried within you and complimenting every part of your body, it's hard for you to keep calm. She doesn't even realize how heavily she's causing you to blush.

♡ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) ♡

She's more of a grunter. She's also super sappy and the closer she gets, the more she babbles at you. Her true thoughts just start spewing out of her mouth, things about keeping you chained in her cave forever, luckily you're too far gone to pay attention to her concerning words.

♡ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) ♡

She wants to yank on your hair but never lets herself do it cause she wouldn't know how much strength she could use without hurting you, you might notice her curling her fingers in your hair before stopping herself and going back to normal. She just really wants to know what sound you would make if she yanked your hair back lightly and started to kiss your neck.

♡ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) ♡

One is longer than average, and one is thicker than average. The longer one looks a bit weirder, exactly like one a dragon would have whereas the thicker one looks more human.

♡ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) ♡

Depends on how often she's getting it and how long she''s been with you. It's higher when she finally has you, and remains that way for at least a few years but once you get into rhythm it'll go down to every three days since sessions last a long time and she doesn't want to exhaust you too much. Heat makes it every second though, but heat is also very rare.

♡ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) ♡

After your first time she might stay up for half an hour to make sure you get some care, in the winter it's basically the same deal. Normally though she'll be up way longer than you, just watching you sleep and feeling satisfied that she's fully claimed you.

[faithfromanewperspective]

hey quick question but what's the most depressing part of australia? sorry this is so weird but i have an oc whose Tragic Backstory is that he's a first-gen immigrant whose family moves from a large chinese city to the suburbs during the early days of covid in 2020 and he gets really isolated and depressed... i was asking because i don't want to slander random parts of australia 😭😭 the plot requires him to be in nsw quite close to sydney if that helps!

hey! hmmm this is quite a broad question I think I'll need a bit more detail honestly to give you a good answer! but a lot of greater sydney shut down and was in lockdown for quite a while in 2020 (6 months or more if I remember correctly, I was in Brisbane at the time) so that's gonna be depressing. otherwise, ngl I feel like your oc would be alright in the hurstville area though they're probably going to think the public transport sucks, they might also like cabramatta or burwood (don't know those other areas that well but I think these are the main Asian hubs of greater Sydney). however if you want him to feel isolated I reckon he moves somewhere else--sutherland area is really white-dominated but otherwise decent, however the southwest and northwest really far out can be quite isolating, so places like campbelltown and richmond which are far more rural but like suburban as well if you get what I mean might work to make your oc feel isolated and depressed esp the way the culture tends to be there, idk how to properly describe it, you also get rougher (i guess, I don't actually know these areas that well) areas around Penrith that (I think) are also quite white dominated (again not necessarily bad in of itself but if you're an immigrant who doesn't speak much english or know culture and slang it might be hard), I guess there are a lot of have-nots there and a lot of people dealing with generational trauma and as a result may not be as welcoming, but it really does depend on who you meet because there are lovely friendly people everywhere. otherwise there's also a lot of have-nots in the lakemba area (though it's better now) like I can access my demographic maps from uni if you really want I'll get them! again still really lovely people there but it really depends on what part of china they're from and what culture they're used to. canterbury-bankstown area has a lot of multiculturalism and definitely some people can end up feeling tension and a need to be more loyal to their culture and people at the expense of properly mingling but this is also interspersed with a lot of community coming together and a lot of creativity, it's also a very working class area and if you catch the train at night you will sometimes encounter the 'rough' types--still most people are cool as long as you're not being hostile to them though the thing about cultural differences is sometimes it's easy to come across that way when you're just overwhelmed and confused. then you've also got the opportunity to bring your oc to a richer area where the sense of community might be a bit fragmented due to rich people problems (like just not letting people in basically because they're clinging to their wealth instead of dealing with feelings of isolation and inadequacy would be how i sum it up) and somewhere like rozelle in the inner west can be a bit like that, the traffic and public transport are pretty bad there too. I also imagine much of the central coast could fall into that category in the more mansion-y areas but also I really don't know that area too well and there's a lot of really down to earth people from there too. in general i do find community around sydney to be pretty good, same goes with a bit further out like wooloongong. however newcastle/maitland is both very white dominated and just far enough out of sydney to be not really well connected and also very suburban, very working class and it's easy to get into substances there and feel hopeless in terms of getting a better life--it's a weird paradox, you've got lovely chill people who absolutely love that area there and also people who get out and never go back because they just can't take it. it's about a 2-3 hour drive/train out of sydney and honestly i'd recommend putting your oc there, though i don't know any Chinese immigrants who've gone straight to that area, a lot of them show up on the southside of sydney though like hurstville, bankstown, probably out to cabramatta

[jaskierx]

Honestly, I really admire (and am thankful for) the way you manage and handle those back and forth with some Izzy stans, I don't think I have the mental strength to entertain them myself.

I wasn't part of the fandom after season 1 aired, I watched it without engaging much and then kind of waited for season 2 to come out, so I had no idea such a divide had happened between Izzy stans and the rest of the fandom (glad I was oblivious to it ngl). All I know is that I hated Izzy’s guts and wanted him to get his just desert.

So yeah, I wasn’t a fan and I struggled forgiving him when season 2 started because the show was trying so hard to make him sympathetic (which I honestly couldn’t give two shits about at first, I wanted revenge), plus you’re right, Izzy got way too much screen time (which gave Izzy stans ammunitions to say “SEE!! Main character!!!”), but I did end up warming up to him by the time he died. I can even say I genuinely liked him.

BUT the journey to that point was sooo conflicting because some Izzy stans were also doing the absolute most in the main tag, painting Izzy as this angel who never did anything wrong and was terrorized by the monster Ed, and I was like????? Did season 1 happen??? Did I dream the whole season??? Did I watch a version from an alternate universe??? I was BAFFLED. I don't know who is that Izzy they're talking about, but it's not the one on my screen, that's for sure.

Then, Izzy died and the hardcore stans lost their shit (you know what I'm talking about) and they have seriously soured me to Izzy again. I want to like the character we had on screen, and I want to like his redemption arc. He was a great antagonist even if I hated him, and we owed him so much for all the shit he pulled in season 1, but the OTT takes and behaviors from stans I’ve seen have made me give up on him, which sucks. Maybe I’ll feel better about him in a few months, but right now, I can’t stand him, and I’ve blocked his tag everywhere (ao3 included, because, truly, fuck fanon Izzy, fuck him).

Hope it’s not too draining for you though, just writing this felt like screaming into the void, so I can’t imagine dealing with this on the daily. Take care!

hi anon i'm so glad you sent this bc i felt very similarly about izzy in s2. i didn't find him sympathetic at all. i didn't give a single shit that he was suffering from ed being in his kraken era bc he's the entire reason ed ended up like that in the first place. izzy was reaping what he sowed. seeing ed feeling so miserable broke my fucking heart and i can't stand any bullshit takes about 'izzy was protecting the crew from ed's abuse' or 'edizzy invented love confirmed' or whatever other nonsense his stans chose to take away from episodes 1-3.

i truly do not see izzy as a victim. i truly do not see ed as an abuser. sometimes i will start reading a post in the ofmd tag that refers to an 'abuser' and a 'victim' and i get halfway through the post and realise that the op has a completely opposite view of who is who than i do.

and as s2 progressed i just felt worse and worse about it like he was getting so much screentime and popping up all over the place and he'd absorbed a load of traits (from other characters that i'd have rather seen more of) bc the writers had to speedrun making him semi-likeable. i still haven't done a proper rewatch since the finale aired and i'm pretty sure i'll feel different watching it knowing he dies in ep8, but when eps 6-7 dropped i fucking hated every scene he was in and felt like he ruined some otherwise really lovely ed/stede moments like their breakfast in bed. izzy being cheered on for wearing drag and singing - the exact acts that caused him to threaten ed - feels exactly like the very common queer experience of seeing the homophobic kid who bullied you for being queer getting loads of support when they come out themselves.

and the takes that were coming out of the canyon at this time were absolutely wild, especially in relation to ed. people absolutely baying for blood, wanting to see him suffer, wanting his relationship with stede to suffer, wanting him to have to crawl across broken glass to repair his relationship with the crew, all while treating izzy as a protagonist who never did anything wrong.

so ngl i was delighted when he died. but mostly i was relieved that it was going to be over. i walked out of my circus tent with my clown makeup on believing that the canyon would yell for a bit and then slowly quiet down as people who claimed they'd be leaving the fandom if izzy died made good on their promise and fucked off.

and if anything they've got louder and more unhinged and are out here reinventing tjlc and harassing the writers and churning out the most rancid racist posts and writing obituaries that caused multiple people on twt to mistakenly think Actual Human Person con o'neill had died.

and on one hand i'm kind of glad that more people know what they're like now but god i really do feel for any izzy fans who have had their enjoyment of him ruined by the canyon. i really do think it's not the character that's polarising, it's the fandom response, in that most people who come in liking izzy end up either aligning with the canyon or getting so fucking fed up of the canyon that they don't like him anymore. and both of those are a shame tbh because he is very well acted and well written, especially in s1, and i wish i could've enjoyed his scenes and felt the emotional payoff of his death

anyway. sorry for writing you 1 billion words. ily ❤️

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

I almost hate how much i switched teams from 2718 to abacus, but its just bc he's new and shiny and pretty and pushy. He stifles autonomy so i know 2817 is better in the long run bc u can reason w him and he puts mcs best interests first. Abacus gives me the kind of vibe that he'd let mc get hurt so long as shes his, and tbh i feel like he might enjoy it? Like he'd like to fix her up and *accidentally* press a lil too hard into her wounds wheras 2718 would just use his abilities so that she wont feel the pain to begin w. That's just my assumption tho given what we've seen. Abacus seem the type to only use his powers thingy to subdue reader.

We know that 2718 has met readers past forms/reincarnation w.e u call it and i originally thought abacus did too. Maybe he was her affair or lover in a previous reincarnation methinks? I just felt like he knows her before. This changed a bit towards the end when they were walkin thru the streets while he was giving her the endoscopy (😮‍💨💦) and we learned just how badly mc is seen. Now im starting to wonder if aba is just greedy n wanted her as his lil disabled spouse genuinely, no past relation. Idk. I still feel like they know each other previously. Or maybe he sensed something abt her back when 2817 brought her in to that place all the way back then. Mc is key to the universe type thing. Doubt that tho.

Neyways i think aba is gnna take her home where he reveals that he not only has four arms, but also two dicks n he's gnna try to fawk her but some event will inconveniently stop him. I also think he lives in an oasis like place, their version of natural wood everywhere, running waterfalls from the cieling, tons of glass that he can mentally control and shatter at will to threaten reader while having a saccharine smile on his face, the works really.

I wnna believe translator(TA) is gnna get 2718 and theyll find mc but now im thinking maybe they might not meet up like that. 2718 might find TA n ditch her to find mc and TA has to scramble to keep up, might even meet her on the way back after 2718 saves the day. Also wondering whts gnna happen to TA bc i dont think anything criminally bad happened to her even tho we heard her screaming. Be real interesting if she were screaming bc 2817 found her and juuuust missed mc and aba. I think when 2718 finds mc and aba they're gnna be familiar w eachother but not fight bc aba is one slippery bastard. Or maybe itll be convenient where aba leaves mc unattended for a bit and someone tries to harm her and then 2718 makes him big appearance, like when mc was first dropped into the world and 2718 saved her. I have more thoughts on that but ive already wrote an essay here and in my other ask 😭

Anywhooo ty fr the chapter, hope your healing well 💕💕💕 -🐰

Damn this sure is a well written essay 😳 its either ur a really good analyst or im just a predictable writer cause it almost seems like u have access to my drafts

Cuase that... Kinda exactly whats gonna happen ngl, its still pretty rough around the edges part 15 is just still in its embryo stage with a 50 word list of whars going to hapoen, but yea it pretty similar to what you just described , havent been writing cause i regained my leg freedom finally and i spent literally every waking hour outside, driving and shit

There is going to be a fawking scene in p15 ill tell u and whoevers reading that. Similar to what you descibe with their anatomy but a little different in sequence of events

Thanks for sending in this ask bunny anon this is so cool and i had a great read ❤️❤️ lovely motivation youve given me and i really appreciatte the essay asks -- like, i appreciate if A LOT actually, thanks for reading language barrier too

[monin1ca]

Being Reyna, Sage, and Jett’s S/O Hcs

Word count: 565

Warnings: Nothing much, just fluff and some light angst

Reyna

Ngl, she seems like the female version of Chamber just more possessive and does not care about PDA

LITERALLY NO SHAME

Would give you a hickey in front of the whole protocol, gives no shits

Another great cook we have here, I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN MEXICAN FOOD?

You got the usual pet names like Carnio, Corazon, and Mi Amor; but she says is it with much more passion when it comes to you

Her voice becomes thicker, more affectionate, and mellow

You just mean so much to her, she even talks about you to her sister

When you guys are in bed she opts to be the big spoon and loves drawing random things with her hands on your back

Reyna is annoying to flirt with, you can’t get her to be as flustered as you are

Has a collection of Spanish poems all dedicated to you

Sometimes worries that you hate she needs souls to survive

She believes that you deserve someone better but is thankful you chose to be with her

Sage

So very shy shy lover

SHE SEEMS SO FRAGILE WHEN YOU HOLD HER

I just know she has a box full of love letters to you, both in English and Chinese 

Just like Reyna, her tone of voice changes when it comes to you 

It becomes more captivating and feathery

She is a small spoon (no matter how small you are)

Smells like herbs (the good type) and a hint of menthol, but it's not too strong

If you braided her hair, she would never take it off unless she has too

Such a mother hen over your health

She rejected most of her suitors back in China to pursue her work

So it's hard for her to make the first move since it was always the other person making moves

But do know she always does 110% for you

 Chinese pet names are 亲爱的 (qīn ài de) means my dear love (???) and 花 (Huā) flower (No matter the gender)

She gets scared sometimes that she’ll never be enough for you

But when you comfort her? She gets so overwhelmed by your support and starts sobbing :((

Jett

She becomes more flustered when you baby her

Another small spoon

HER PFP ON SOCIAL MEDIA IS YOUR CUTE BABY PICTURES

Once you became her S/O, there was not one photo you were not in it

I’m pretty sure she is canonically a chef/ a great cook

Sooo congrats on pulling the best cook in the world!!

Every morning when you guys wake up, she peppers you with kisses everywhere

You basically have a leash wrapped around her neck; she's all yours

She thinks you are so perfect, like truly a work of art

Everything is mostly innocent and cheesy :))

Literally is waiting for the day yall get married

Brags you to other people in the protocol

And when she banters with you, shes mostly all bark no bite

Can't make proper eye contact with you

And lastly, her pet names for you are 사랑 (Salang) love and 자기야 (Jagiya ) 

Author’s Note: Basically a part two of the series, feel free to ask for more!! I suddenly have the motivation to write, my motivation goes up and down sometimes

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

hey y'all its been seven hours im not done with the writing lets talk a good omens x ofmd crossover becquse im fucking AMAZING

aziraphale: passenger/medic on a british naval ship. at the beginning of ofmd, he'll be on the Twin's ahip, i forgot what his name was but he's a twib ANYWAYS. aziraphale's the resident Guy, the person you go to for things like advice or medicine and shit. he's kept about because he's useful, and even the other soldiers think he's too polite. but he keeps thr ships blessed, so its okay. his current assignment is to keep the navy in check and make sure they get to heaven, which isssss WOW harder than he expected. he's hanging by a thread. when he becomes part of crew, he starts being the soundboard. like stede but better /hj. he takes turns with telling everyone stories, helps improve the food supply, ACTUALLY KNOWS HUMAN MEDICAL PRATICES, likes watching the relationships aboard foster, looks for new books on raids, etc. just being a Good Vibe. they dont know he's magical, but i feel like frenchie and buttons (or the swede, i always mix those two up, its the one who turned into a bird) would be Onto Him, because they're the most magically paranoid/proficient. he's very like stede, but somehow a more tolerable aura. the crew is wary, especially cause he's british, but they'll be fine.

how aziraphale gets into the story: at the veryyyyy beginning. its during the forced tea party of s1 ep1, as he happened to tag along on the little dingey with the Twin and his men. he REALLY likes the revenge from first glance, and has a good feeling about the group of pirates they've landed upon. but things go awry! the Twin is stabbed thru the eye! but when stede proclaims he did it, aziraphale is ONTO him. the existencial crisis and trama exhude from him. he decides to see this through--and becomes one of the Revenge's hostages semi-willingly. but stede also likes aziraphale--even if he's british--and decides to be chill with him though he' still "texhnixally" a hostage. they bond verrryyyyy quickly, and soon (by like the end of episode 2, when the other hostage is tsken by izzy and the rest) is assimilated into the Revenge's crew. this is good, because heaven can tell that there's gonna be such a juicy moral dilemna with stede hehehe. lets get this bitch to stay good okay?? yeah. yeah this is gonna be fine....

crowley: like with most of these crossovers, crowley happened across blackbeard's crew. he was dayum, they get around and im bored af, lets do this. kinda like with stede (but not strong enough to satiate it) ed thinks he's a breath of fresh air and therefore keeps him around even if he's never seen crowley Kill anyone (they always make miraculous escapes). no one knows he’s a demon but he 100% has that record in pirate community. calling him the devil and the tempter and how he has a silver fucking tongue and shit like that, it follows him EVERYWHERE. not much more about him other than the basics like personality, except it 1000000% has long hair, wears black like the rest of them, and is oddly british. he's not army tho, so its okay. rebel 🙌

WAIT EDIR: maybe crowley can hear on the republic that Izzy’s looking for those naval men and THEN join Blackbeard’s crew. Like solely just to get aziraphale back. hmmm…..

how crowley enters the story: crowley hears about aziraphale's interception when blackbeard and da crew learn about the Revenge ravaging the navel ship. "damn it, i gotta go save my angel." he REALLYYYYYY wants aziraphale back and gets pretty antsy about it because he had no idea what he was ngl, turns out he was on the FUCKING SEA the whole time. (he also hates that he joined the british army but whateva, he dont know it wasnt voluntary.) they meet on the republic of pirates when stede's almost hung and shit, crowley is in Rampage Mode, aziraphale is in Pissed Mode because they're attacking their Fucking Ship, stede is Dying, ed is Doing His Thing and such. thinking about making aziraphale and blackbeard fight and aziraphale wiping the floor with him or smth. aziraphsle would also be the only one to notice stede and cut him down early and protect him during all the chaos, which would probablyyyyyyy get blackbeard on his ass and probably try and kill him which would not work out with ANYONE, anddddd you know. first impressions change shit. the point stands: ed is on, romance is a foot, and aziraphale and crowley are on the same ship. wahoo! and now that ed's on the path to become softer, hell's like AYO KEEP HIM ON HELL'S SIDE and now crowley's got an excuse to stay. i mean, he and aziraphale Could employ the Arrangement, but they were technially different assignments, and this crew looks like they're having the funnest fuckig fun and they feel so genuine. might as well stay...like they say--keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. and by that it means living on the same ship. also it deadass looks like they need miracles to keep together or they'll fucking sink. lol

and the reason why this is important is because that season 2 ends up HELLA different, and season 1's adventures alter a tad, with both crowley/ed's infamy and aziraphale's encouragement for stede to become a real pirate and Miracle Employing. so yay crossover achieved! I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT THIS CROSSOVER ALRIGHT, SO MANY OTHERS HAVE TOO BUT FUCK

also btw here’s some canon divergences I can already imagine:

- aziraphale and crowley being present during the ‘you wear fine things well’ episode (can’t remember what happens Exactly, but I do know). aziraphale with ed and stede while crowley is helping frenchie and olu with their pyramid scheme. they both contribute wahoo!

- lucius is the ship marriage counselor and he’s onto these guys. he’s watching. Waiting. Advising

- when the whole act of grace shit happens, Aziraphale’s like FUCK IT and before ed can proclaim it he just snaps all of the enemies to sleep. he’s sheepish about it. everyone freaks the fuuccckkkkkkkk out even tho he saved them and shit Happens. it probably results in someone clubbing him over the head in panic and then Everyone Else Panics More. I can see it in my mind. this changes a lot of things canon on. ough

- munity is either much more prevalent or tampered down a lot. no in between. either mutinies left and right or they’re content. hm

okay that’s really it. Back To Writing Hell

[the-trans-dragon]

Getting my ass kicked by my body and feel like I'm getting stabbed everywhere all the time so uh so pardon me if this makes no sense but one time I came up with a new way to view the human psyche and it's development. I found it again. I have named it "Egg Brain" and...

I'll...think of a better name later, maybe.

Anyways here's how my idea works. Okay uh look at this egg first.

It's important I prommy :)

So the shell protects the egg right? And the albumin is the fluid filling the egg, and when an egg hatches there isn't much left. Instead you find a baby bird :) And then the yolk is, obv, the nutrients it needs to survive.

Okay so that's the human psyche in this theory. It's comparable to the egg because it has those three critical parts: protective shell, albumin where it grows, and yolk that perfectly meets its nutritional needs as it grows.

So the main idea is the three parts. I tried typing them but my brain hurts too bad to get them right so here's a screenshot from months ago.

So the yolk represents learning to exist as a corporeal being with needs and stimuli (physical and psychological, internal and external).

Albumin represents learning how to thrive when your needs are met and your stimuli are comprehended.

The shell represents learning to survive more independently, as a member of a community.

That seems kinda confusing to me right now, ngl, uhhh. Oh wait there's more notes! Okay. I think I understand.

This is getting long so here's a readmore :3

Hiiiiii :3

Okay so :3

During the "Yolk" stage, the human (and it's psyche) are a baby. Babies are already highly equipped to identify and respond to stimuli (if they're uncomfortable or unhappy, they cry) but they also obviously have a LOT to learn (like understanding what about their present existence is uncomfortable or unhappy, AND learning how to respond to it, and even communicate it!)

The most important thing about the Yolk Stage is that development: learning to identify stimuli and respond. Learning what hunger feels like and learning how to eat. Not all babies are born knowing how to breast feed, even! And toddlers don't have the firmest grasp on "If I'm hungry, I need to grab the food with my hands and then place it in my mouth (and then REMOVE my hands from my mouth for sure) and then chew." Fortunately for that, babies are very good at trying to grab things and chew on them! They do try to figure it out and they do succeed! Have you ever seen a kid eat cake for the first time? Or a Popsicle? They're definitely learning as they go, even with something as basic as "eat."

There's a lot of things you can learn in the Yolk Stage! Some are concrete like "Oh, swallowing things makes this mysterious discomfort (hunger) go away," like I mentioned above. But crucially others are more social like "Oh, when I generate stimuli, others notice me." That one is REALLY important for me to mention, as someone who learned that Generating Stimuli = Other People Facilitate Suffering. It's important to learn how to communicate with the language you have at this age: volume of noise, movement speed and range, bodily functions, performing actions, etc. That's basic Yolk Stage stuff!

Learning things like dexterity, language, and even social cues and behavior regulation also begin here. Did you know that if one baby watches someone get scolded for something, the baby is less likely to do it? Such as grabbing a colorful object? Even before they can walk or talk? There's some fascinating studies on it! They're learning how to exist as sentient corporeal beings, but they're also learning how to interact with and exist within their larger community!

So! In summary of Yolk: Learning to interpret stimuli (internal or external; concrete or abstract; hunger, being scolded, being comforted, What The Fuck Is A Dog) and respond to it (eating, regulating behaviors, seeking comfort, How To Respond When A Dog Barks).

This connects PERFECTLY to the next stage: the Albumin Stage! So you know what hunger is, and know to cry/eat about it. What else is there to know?

You need to know when and how to be independent/dependent! For a simplified example, let's talk about foxes! For foxes, one of the big differences between the Yolk Stage and Albumin Stage is that the kits transition from "I am hungry and I will cry" to "I am hungry and I will go nurse," and eventually, "I am hungry and I will go find something to eat (and engage in play-hunting to practice!)"

For humans, even eating can be very complicated once you enter the Albumin Stage. Rather than having a bowl of cereal and milk fed to you, you now learn a lot of things: how to hold the spoon, how to not spill everywhere, how to pour the cereal and milk, etc. Rather than just crying when uncomfortable, you learn to communicate the discomfort of needing to use the bathroom, and to receive help tailored to your skill level. Obviously some of this stage is about "independence," but I want to draw attention to something else: the ability to learn when and how to be dependent is very important! Do you need to ask for help when you are sleepy? Can someone offer help or comfort, or is it just a matter of falling asleep?

I place a lot of importance on learning how to be dependent, because I struggle to be dependent to this day. Often times, I'm unsure if it's okay to ask for help, and struggle to actually ask even if I really need it. I also want to point out that this "Albumin Stage" learning behavior extends well beyond the Albumin Stage. I'll discuss how it exists in the Shell Stage later. For now, just be aware that this lesson in independence/dependence thrives in the Albumin Stage, when it's safe to experiment and make mistakes, when others are aware of your skill set and openly ready to accomodate it (and this can be true in the Shell Stage as well, but with more steps, as you will see!)

You might be wondering "If these occur in the Shell Stage, do they also extend into the Yolk Stage?" and they do! You can certainly argue that you learn to use a spoon during the Yolk Stage, for example. It's true, the Albumin Stage is not necessarily a discreet stage. At the edges of the Stages, it becomes harder to decide where to place things. That's fine. There isn't any point in perfectly defining it; just accept that the borders are gradients.

I will provide some paired examples of Albumin Stage development, pairing a more "instinctive" lesson with a more "complex" one: learning how to pick ripe fruit vs learning to find groceries in a store; learning how to express concern about a predator animal vs learning how to express concern about the family pet eating a sock; learning how to stir a bowl of ingredients vs learning what goes into the meal; learning to ask for a bandage for a small cut vs learning to apply it--even learning when its okay to help someone else if they're hurt vs needing to find someone with more experience.

This stage is inherently hard to confine to specific ages or activities. The Yolk Stage begins at birth. The Shell Stage goes on until death. The middle stage is unique enough to be categorized separately, but it doesn't have any obvious borders. The recognition of the absence of borders is crucial, because the human psyche is a complex thing that can't be cut up like meat and categorized based on muscle or fat, or behaviors or needs. If you try, you risk cutting off crucial components, and giving yourself an incomplete comprehension.

And now, the Shell Stage. This stage is important for one reason: it is the final stage, and it is lifelong, and it's "success" depends upon the previous stages. Without a yolk, an albumin cannot give rise to a chick. And the entire point of the shell is to protect the contents. Think of the Shell Stage as a person learning to use, protect, retain, and improve what they've learned previously.

Importantly, an empty shell isn't useless in this metaphor. It is not a hopeless thing. It is a symbol of hope, for it will protect whatever is inside, no matter how much the yolk or albumin have been struggling. The Shell Stage could be seen as the "competent adult," if the words "competent" and "adult" had any power to provide boundaries for the stage. This stage is hard to define, because it's the final stage, and there are no constraints to the abilities of the person who reaches the stage. You could even argue that it isn't a stage at all--just a method to protect the psyche and offer discrete borders from other people. I will offer this definition: the development of that discrete identity and capacity of self-preservation is the Shell Stage.

This stage makes most sense in relation to the others, so here are some examples of skills that develop during the progression of the stages:

About Dogs:

Yolk) A baby learns the shape and sound of a dog, and perhaps even learns to recognize that the family dog is safe and doesn't necessitate fear or crying.

Albumin) They learn how to tell someone when a stray dog is scaring them. They learn that their pet dog needs food and clean water. They learn how the dog communicates when it's scared, or happy, or needs to go outside. They learn how to comfort the dog with treats when it goes to its routine vet visits.

Shell) They have learned enough about dogs to recognize that a stray dog is struggling and needs help. They can take the dog to a vet, learn that it is a stray rather than someone's missing pet, and decide whether or not they have the desire or capability to adopt it.

About Hunger:

Yolk) A baby learns to cry when it is uncomfortable or unhappy. It learns to identify hunger and it learns to eat when hungry. Is it more innate to accept food or reject food? Idk :3

Albumin) They know how to identify hunger and ask for help. They learn the process of feeding themself (or others) such as manipulating tools, mixing ingredients, using heat sources as they learn to be responsible, etc. They can learn to help acquire food, but importantly, they have safely nets in place that protect them from inevitable mistakes and gaps in their experience.

Shell) They have acquired the skills needed to feed themselves (and others, inherently).

NOTE ABOUT ABLEISM:

Everyone has different abilities. Being a sentient, corporeal being means we are confined to our brains and bodies. Brains and bodies are complicated. They're durable, yet fragile. They're flexible, yet rigid. Wounds can heal, and wounds can linger. This entire Yolk-Albumin-Shell thing is made with this in mind, and can be used to analyze "flaws" in a person's abilities. This can be medical: as someone with fibromyalgia, I have a hard time detecting if pain is mild or severe. That's a skill that I should have, as I should have developed in during the Yolk Stage; but since I don't, you can assume that the impacts of it cause issues in the Albumin Stage and Shell Stage too.

The rest of the information about the Shell Stage is presented specifically in regards to NOT being an asshole about people with disabilities! So keep that in the front of your mind. It's the most important part of the Shell Stage.

I remember one time a coworker got "slightly" hurt. I helped them, and the whole time, I was confused because they seemed to be reacting very dramatically. I have a skewed sense of pain, and a skewed sense of "how serious is this injury, and how much pain is the other person experiences?" My own ability to recognize and respond to stimuli (like pain, which is learned in the Yolk Stage) influenced my ability to learn the proper responses to pain (and I tend to ignore it in myself; which is something I am unlearning, with great effort). It could have impacted my ability to help, but thankfully, I have some old first-aid training and knew how to determine if he needed more help than I could provide, and then how to help since it was within my capacity to do so.

So when there is a "flaw" in one of the stages, it's important to recognise it without adding extra feelings like guilt or shame. This is a skill, all by itself! Learning to recognize our flaws is a Yolk Stage event that many people aren't taught. It's harmful to learn to ignore our shortcomings, because we never learn the proper way to respond to them. We don't learn to ask for help. We don't get a chance to study how others help us. We don't learn how to help ourselves or others.

I don't even like the word "flaw," because it's so imbued with shame and guilt for me. I can't even type it without quotations, because it feels cruel use the word "flaw" when it causes so much discomfort and pain. Maybe there's a polite word for it.

Okay that's all! My head hurts too much to think anymore :) I wonder if any of that made sense. I might delete this whole thing when I'm not feeling sick. I might reread this and go "oh, dang, I wrote something without properly thinking about it. I don't hold the views I conveyed and will change/delete the text."

That is all :3 take it easy!

[marengogo]

7 Nation Army - Part 1: Welcome On Board of The Idyll, I’m Your Captain; Kim Seokjin

The Astronaut - by Jin  [The Astronaut - Single]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I started tearing up the instant I wrote the title of this post and then tears started pouring the second I wrote “The Astronaut …”. I swear, I’m trying so hard to make this post coherent, but I can’t stop crying so please, forgive me if it makes less sense than it usually does. I really was hoping that I’d feel calm today, because I knew, I could already tell, that writing about Jin was going to trigger me. But, I’m now realising that trying to hold off from crying yesterday just meant that I was going to be a mess right now. Fuck me honestly; this is going to be very raw and probably very long, so be warned.

“7 Nation ARMY” was (still is) supposed to be a series talking about the members' individual journeys in chapter 2. I chose a watercraft for each member and it took me forever to figure out which one to associate to Jin, as I couldn’t quite tell the direction he was taking in his chapter 2, in the end I chose a narrowboat (in case you don’t know —> this is a NARROWBOAT). Narrowboats always give me this feeling of calm. As they travel slowly, I’ve always felt that those who have one are people who take their time to enjoy life. They may not be the most beautiful type of ships out there, in fact they look a bit awkward at first, but their insides are usually always spectacular.

However, now I know why it took me forever to understand what ship was mostly suited to our dear Jin, it was never a watercraft after all, it was a spaceship all along (which in hindsight he has left to probably go and get the narrowboat I was talking about, so I guess he can have both?! …). Kim Seokjin had always been the grandiose captain of a majestic spaceship. Yet, we only have maybe only 1 month left to follow the journey of the Idyll and I don’t know what to do with myself. NGL, I feel like Makoto in the Girl Who Leapt Through Time at the very end.

I believe I’ve explained this before but Namjoon was the first member I “clinged” on when I decided to give BTS a chance, because of his love for study, languages etc. Eventually, as I started to fall more and more into becoming ARMY, and before becoming OT7, I had a very long pit-stop in the world of Kim Seokjin. 

I spent months trying to find reactors who would appreciate Jin. Trying to find people who realised how smart he is, how conceding he is, how serious he is. As for me at first it was the realisation that he was the funniest member of the group. Not the member who laughed the most (Hobi), not the member who tried to make the members laugh the most (Jimin), simply the funniest member of the group.

Usually, genuinely funny people try to make anyone in their radius laugh, not just the members, friends, or people they care about. If anyone around them is able to smile because of something they’ve said or done, then they would feel accomplished. To delve even deeper, let's look at comedians, because to make someone laugh as a profession is far much harder than making someone cry. Usually, as a comedian you use personal absurd events, sadness and tragedies to try and reach others, so that they can either feel better about themselves or just not have to think of themselves for a minute or two.

I’ve learned to become a life comedian because of my experience in life, my dad was my inspiration number one. Everywhere he went people would always laugh, always be happy, he’d take very shit stories of his life and turn them into the funniest jokes you’ve ever heard and as a child I always thought “when I grow up, I want to marry someone that is as funny and smart as dad” not smart and funny, but funny and smart. Because you also have to be hella smart and clever to understand how to be funny and what lines you can cross in order to make a joke and hopefully not offend, resulting in the opposite of what you intended to achieve. But I digress as always.

All of this just to explain why the phrase There’s often pain in laughter is so true. But you know what is also true? When you are genuinely able to make people laugh around you, like anyone, not just people that know you, it makes you feel so freaking good, because you’ve connected and helped that person forget worries, even if for just a little bit, which is why being a successful comedian is a rewarding job in the sense that when done successfully it is an instant give & take. And as we may, or may not know, Jin wasn’t the happiest of people right from the bat.

Here is a nice compilation that shows the relation/balance between Jin, Joking & Being Happy:

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And here is just a more in depth video about somethings you may or may not know about Jin

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I will not lie, having people constantly compare him to other members with regards to dancing or rapping was so hard, SO FUCKING HARD, and every once in a while I'd get the dumbass mf who would challenge his singing and I’d lose it, like, BITCH HOW DARE YOU?!

LOL. Even writing about him brings me joy and laughter, until I stop and think of the present and start tearing up again. The present. Trying to make this present into a present is kinda hard and bitter at the very moment, but in his very jinful way he did leave us a little present: WOOTTEO!

I’m hoping that Woottweo, among the many things he was designed to do, will keep us up-to-date on how Jin is doing in the military; “yeah, right, how?” As I've said, I’m very raw writing this and I just keep throwing up all that I am thinking 😭😭😭. On another note, it would be so interesting for RJ to meet Wootteo. I think it would be rather interesting. Is not quite as similar as having different mothers but so much different isn’t it? RJ and Wootteo would be like step-siblings, but in the end it wouldn’t be about the fact that they share the same thing in common, it would be about what they do with what they share in common; right?

Now, I’m not so sure I should mention this, because I’ve been trying to keep a couple of things to myself, but I think in order to understand my next point you probably need to know that I love Coldplay. I was in high school when I first heard Trouble. I was so captivated by the production and not knowing the name of the band and just memorising the song I kept on going with my day. Now I can’t remember if Yellow or Trouble came first, but all I know is that I keep seeing Yellow’s video with Trouble’s lyrics in my head 😂.

With the passing of years, I’ve ended up loving, so much so that, even though my all time favourite band is Queen, if I ever get married, the song would be their “Til Kingdom Come”. But, all of this just to let you know that this, THIS is not only a full circle moment for me, but also a “I AM SO HAPPY YOU BOTH MET MOMENT” moment, because you are both so amazing (you should have seen me during the whole My Universe Era, and even when they covered Fix You to begin with!).  I mean look at him:

Then, many many MANY years, I had to, once again, change country and for the first 6 months of me living alone in this new world, all I did was listen to Coldplay’s discography for 6 months in a row, non-stop, in order to feel peace and serenity. This was the year 2012 and BTS were still grinding in a gym, with cloudy mirrors in Gangnam, South Korea.

Eventually I adapted, I got back to studying Japanese, easily I have a big mouth making friends and being my usual goofy self. I started exploring new music and living my life in my new world, where ARASHI was once again my pillar. Untill one day, in 2019, a “chinese group” named BTS was going to perform in my new world, while ARASHI was going to go on indefinite hiatus.  I was so bitter, so angry, and as I watched this 7 “chinese” men taking over my world, I looked up at the big screen where their huge Hyundai AD was playing and I thought: “Who the fuck do they think they are?” Fast forward February 2020, I finally got my answer: “They are your saviours, bitch”.

So here I am, a whole thanks to them survived pandemic and depression later, being able to smile and properly cry because of 7 men, but feeling a complete wreck because of 1.

“I love you, to infinity and beyond, my loud thinker, Kim Seokjin,

I respect you, in ways you can’t imagine, my handsome comedian, Kim Seokjin,

I’ll miss you, o so freaking much, my almost bias, Kim Seokjin

AND I’ll be waiting, Till Kingdom Comes, my one and only, Kim Seokjin”

You better come back to me all in one piece in 2024/2025, if not, all hell will break loose,

Marengo.