#ngl the outbreak video was lagging sooooo bad at the beginning

[jenoptimist]

you go back in time to try and make things right

Arguments between the two of you wasn’t anything new. There has always been petty arguments which would inevitably end with the offer of tea–black tea for him from you if you were in the wrong or a fruit tea for you if he was. Except this time the argument is bad. Worse than ever before and you don’t even know what started it. No, that isn’t fair. You know that it’s because of the stunt that you pulled earlier. But Doyoung is overreacting!

There was no way you were going to just stand there and watch him get torn down by the monster of the week. So what if you were been hurt? It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t heal your own wounds with magic. Plus lifelong silver scars are better than a future without him. And besides, did he really think you were just going to stand there and do nothing? Even if it wasn’t him that was going to get maimed, you would have done it regardless. At this point the rest of your friends have bets regarding on whether or not you would pull some sort of stunt whenever it’s time to face the big bad.

“You’re always doing shit like this!”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you retort sarcastically with a roll of your eyes, ��I didn’t realize I was supposed to stand back and watch you die!”

“I would’ve handled it.”

You scoff loudly. “Handled it? You call standing there and waiting for it to hit you handling it?”

None of your friends intervene as Doyoung continues his rant furiously. They stand surrounding the two of you, ready to react if the situation were to escalate but doing nothing to diffuse the situation. However the more he speaks, the angrier you get. Is it so hard to accept that you saved his life? That, hey, maybe you actually like him being alive and that it’s okay to need help every once in a while. You guys are a team, a family, for crying out loud. Or is it only okay when he’s the one doing the life saving acts?

“You know what?” He spits, tone taking on finality, and you’re sure that for as long as you’ve known him, you have never seen him this mad. “This is all your fault. We’re running around risking our lives all because of you!”

The fire in his eyes and the way he says it is enough to make you take a step back. Surely he doesn’t mean it. The reason why he said it is because he is in the heat of the moment–but no matter how much you try to make up excuses for him, you know that it’s was true. Everything is all your fault. It doesn’t matter that they have never said anything to you. There has always been suspicion lurking in your mind that they all blamed you for getting them involved in the supernatural world. Of course Doyoung is the one who ends up confirming your hunch–he’s always been good at that.

“Doyoung.” Taeyong warns, his tone firm, as he takes a step forward.

The said man redirects his gaze sharply towards him. “No, Taeyong. You all know it’s true. Don’t even try to deny it.”

The moment you see Yuta about to speak, you know you have to end the gruesome argument. “You’re right,” you say quietly, looking Doyoung directly in the eye. “It is all my fault and I’m really sorry.” And with that, you spin around and head straight for the exit, making sure to avoid everyone’s eyes. Fortunately Johnny, Yuta and Taeyong’s apartment isn’t too far from the one that you share with Jaehyun and Doyoung. After the night you’ve had, you figure that the walk back would do you some good.

“Hey, wait up!” Jaehyun’s beside you in a few seconds, quick to match your pace.

“Alright, spit it out.” The silence was comfortable but you know with the way he keeps glancing at you from the side of his eye that he’s bursting with want to say something to you.

“Nobody blames you, you know.” You purse your lips in response, knowing that it’s untrue. “No, really. Doyoung was just tired and worried.” All of you are tired. It’s hard trying to keep your community safe while you all juggle college, part time jobs and maintain hobbies. You don’t bother saying it to Jaehyun, though, just keep silent as he continues to speak. “I’m sure everything will be fine! Before you know it, you and him will be doing that weird tea exchange you guys always do.”

That statement is enough to pull a small huff of laughter from you accompanied by an eye roll. “I hope so.” You reply, opening up your apartment door.

“It will. Just you wait and see.”

*

Doyoung doesn’t go home that night. 

In fact, he doesn’t come home for the rest of the week at all. When he eventually does, however, everything is different. The two of you avoid each other and when that isn’t possible neither of you spoke to one another. It constantly makes you feel horrible that the rest of your friends have to divide their time between the two of you and you want to apologize to Doyoung but his words hurt. No matter how true they were.

“Hey Mark,” you call out as he’s aimlessly highlighting a paragraph on his very expensive college textbook. When he hums in reply without looking up from what he’s doing, you continue. “If you could take back being involved, would you?” That has him dropping his highlighter, head snapping up towards you with a clear look of confusion.

Despite his confusion, he still gives your question some thought. “Well I mean it can be inconvenient; my grades tanked for a while and it sucks knowing that I might die whenever we go hunting whatever it is that we’re facing,” you nod empathically, “but no. I don’t think I do.” Mark eyes you suspiciously. “Why’re you asking?”

Shutting your book closed, you shake your head at him. Mark is the last person you have asked this question and all the answers you have received are variations of the same thing he said. Twisting your mouth, you say a goodbye and leave the room determinedly. You are going to fix this. It won’t be easy but there is a spell you found that could help you reverse this whole situation. The risks involved aren’t too big, nothing you aren’t used to already, and if this is what it takes for the bone deep exhaustion and unnatural haunted look to disappear from your friends then it will be worth it.

So, yeah. Everything is not fine. But you’re going to make sure that it will be.

*

It takes a week before you decide to put your plan into action but only because of the new situation that popped up. The wendigo is taken care of immediately and then all of you go out for some celebratory pizza like you almost always did. It stings that Doyoung takes the furthest seat away from you, refusing to meet your eyes ever since that night, but you assure yourself that by the end of the night everything would be sorted. They will never have to deal with this type of stuff again.

“What’s with that look?” Johnny asks as he nudges your side with his elbow.

“Nothing, I’m just gonna miss this.” You reply absentmindedly. After tonight, there would be no more late night meals to celebrate surviving. No more group research and planning sessions. Would you guys even hang out at all? Whatever the outcome, you hope that somehow you guys will find each other again.

“What? The pizza?” Mark’s tone is full of confusion, his brows furrowed. “Why would you miss it?”

You wave your hand dismissively at him, “Don’t mind me. I’m just being stupid.”

Mark shrugs in response and continues to devour his pizza, clearly more interested in food than your wistful behavior. The rest of the night is full of laughter and you relish it, holding back any tears that threaten to show. Unfortunately, you’re aware of Jaehyun’s eyes on you and you aren’t surprised when, after he paid for the meal since he was the one who stumbled upon the wendigo, he is quick to make sure he walks beside you. You purposefully placed yourself behind the group, watching from a small distance as they continued their antics.

“Whatever it is that you’re thinking of doing,” Jaehyun says lowly as to not gain the attention of your other friends, “please don’t.”

You arch a brow. “What makes you think I’m about to do something?” This time, he’s the one who arches his brow–as if challenging you to prove him wrong. Of course he would figure out that you were planning to do something. Jaehyun was always smarter than he liked to let on, said it always gave him an advantage. But it’s also probably because he’s known you the longest. “Alright, so maybe I am. It’ll be okay, though, promise.”

“And you’ll be safe?”

There was no way to be sure you would be but for his sake, you lied. “Of course.”

“Okay.”

It’s easy to refuse their offer to grab some boba, a flimsy excuse leaving your lips. Normally it wouldn’t work, they would plead and plead with you until you caved, but you make sure to stand your ground. They all know what it’s like to have a professor speak with them privately, so they let you go with a promise of next time. Before you leave, Jaehyun catches your eye knowingly and you do nothing but incline your head slightly at him.

Time travel is something you think about every now and again. It’s an immensely intriguing topic and from all research you have done, no other being like yourself has managed to do it successfully. For all you know there could have been a successful attempt that wasn’t documented. But then again it could just be you comforting yourself in case it doesn’t work.

You hold onto a small photo album that you wanted to take along with you, for memories sake, and prepare yourself to say the incantation. When you finish, you wait it out. Nothing happens.

It’s strange because you know that you said everything correctly and that there is no way that a spell book that had been around for centuries (at least according to the witch that gave it to you) would contain wrong information. You frown but have to pause your train of thought because of the knocking on your bedroom door.

It’s a surprise to find Doyoung standing on the other side when you open it, holding a bag that you just know has your favorite fruit tea. Before any of you can utter a sound, there’s a strange feeling that starts to stir in your gut. In a flash it’s as if you travel through the stars at an unforgiving speed, your head spinning, before you come to a halt and feel weightless–as if you are being suspended high up in the air. Then nothingness.

*

When you come to, you find yourself in one of your favorite cafés. Your old windows laptop is sitting in front of you, notes and papers full of calculations spewn carelessly around the table.

The spell worked, you’re sure of it, but you have to confirm it just in case. A quick glance at the date on the corner of your laptop assures you that it’s the year when it all started. Not only is it the year actually, it’s also the day before you discover the magic that you possess. This time, however, you aren’t going to involve any of your friends. Curiously, after glancing around to make sure nobody is paying attention to you, you peer inside your t-shirt to check if you were still you or if you had taken ownership of your body from this timeline. There are no scabbed scratches in sight. You frown. What happened to the you in the future then? Did you just disappear? Or were you replaced by a different version of you?

Deciding that you don’t want to give yourself a headache, you focus on the screen of your laptop instead. Oh, you remember this assignment. You ended up submitting it late because you got ambushed by a kelpie. That damn kelpie lost you fifteen percent and you still haven’t let it go. Maybe you can submit it in early this time. Placing the photo album on the table, you decide to continue your assignment, searching your brain for any information you remember.

It’s an hour later when Jaehyun barges into the café, frantically making his way over to your table. “There you are! I’ve been looking for you for ages,” he tells you breathlessly, giving you a once over. “Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

Dressed? Is there a function you need to attend? You wrack your brain for a memory. Obviously it’s the day before you come into your powers but there has to be something else for Jaehyun to eye you like he is. But what is it? What’s so special about April fifteenth? April fifteenth. April fifteenth.

“Mark’s recital.” Christ, how could you forget. “Today’s Mark’s recital, right?” It’s also the day you meet Doyoung, dressed to the nines in a black pinstripe suit with his hair perfectly slicked back.

“Yes you idiot, now lets get going ‘cause I don’t want to have to fight any moms for good seats.”

Without allowing you to reply, he whisks you back to your apartment. There is a lack of extra shoes by the door and the huge, ugly ceramic vase that Doyoung insisted he buy for his plant to dress up the place is missing from the corner of the room. Your grip on the photo album tightens as you soak in the difference, unused to how empty the place looks. Evidently there’s no time for you to be caught in your feelings if the way Jaehyun practically shoves you into your room as he yells at you to change is an indication.

Mark looks dapper and you tell him as much. There’s an ache in your chest when you notice the youthfulness in his face. This is him before he becomes jaded. His appearance (the lack of dark circles, the roundness of his cheeks, the brightness in his eyes) is enough to assure you that you’ve made the correct decision.

“Don’t cry now,” Jaehyun teases, “he hasn’t even started.” They chuckle at your expense but you can’t even respond with anything witty. Not with the way they look so careless–like they don’t have anything to worry about other than upcoming assignment due dates and what movie the three of you should watch during your next movie night.

Doyoung has always been easy to spot in a crowd. Well, at least for you. So you aren’t surprised when you scan the large mass of people and find him in record time. The breath is knocked out of you when your eyes land on him even though you already know what he’d be donning. But he’s wearing those cute horn rimmed glasses that he eventually had to stop using because there were too many close calls. Every fibre of your being demands you to run over and tease him about them again like you used to. But you don’t, obviously, averting your eyes the second he turns his head. There’s no way you’re going to take away his peaceful life either, you promise yourself, eyes devouring the way he tips his head backward as his mouth falls wide open in a laugh.

*

The feral omega howls, loud and clear in the night. The beating of your heart is racing in your ears which you know it can hear from far away no matter what tricks you use to distract it. Foolishly, you forgot your wolfsbane in your apartment so you’re left to your own devices. You know this forest like the back of your hand, have run in it enough to know that there should be a small area of the flower in the east. Picking up your pace, you move in the right direction.

When you first encountered this creature, you were with Doyoung, Jaehyun and Mark. The four of you weren’t as skilled yet; Mark thought that silver would protect all of you, Jaehyun’s aim wasn’t on par, Doyoung wasn’t as good at keeping up with the pace you all had to run, and you were too headstrong to follow any directions Doyoung barked at you. Now, however, it’s easy for you to eliminate the omega after you sloppily rub wolfsbane on your weapon and aim. There are no relieved sighs or eruption of cheers that follow when it drops to the ground. Instead there’s only silence as you wave your hand, willing a hole to appear in the ground so that you can bury it.

Once you’ve magicked your clothes clean, you sluggishly head over to the pizza place without a second thought. The place is packed but considering it’s Saturday night, you aren’t shocked. As you look around, waiting patiently for your to-go order at the designated spot near the counter, there’s a familiar mess of mud brown hair capping a broad figure you know all too well. But if Johnny’s here, that means–

Taeyong and Doyoung are bickering. You can’t hear them but you’re sure it’s about something silly like it always is. Yuta is watching them amusedly, sipping on his soda as his eyes swing back and forth. You allow yourself to watch them because you miss them so, so much. It’s been a week and you’re run down by all the creatures that keep popping up in your small town. As you are about to tear your gaze away from them, Yuta catches your eye. You spot the small quirk of his brow and prepare yourself for his oncoming smirk. When he doesn’t fail to deliver, you wink saucily at him, knowing that he turns into a shy baby the minute his target flirts back. The others peer at your direction, lacking subtlety as usual, when he sinks into his chair slightly.

Fortunately your order is called out but you manage to shoot them a hesitant smile anyway, figuring that it won’t hurt anybody. They’ll probably forget about you tomorrow anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

*

Since your small celebratory pizza, you have accumulated more injuries but they’re tiny and therefore nothing to worry about. What does have you worrying, though, is the fact that you and Doyoung have crossed paths more than you’d like. At first, it seems like a coincidence; you see him a few times in the campus library or you’re both in the line for food in the canteen. But then you start seeing him outside of campus and you can’t help but find it strange.

“Hey,” Jaehyun greets over the phone. The two of you scheduled a lunch date with Mark but neither of them have shown up yet so it’s just you waiting for them boredly at your table. “Is it alright if I bring someone? We were working on a project together and we’re both famished.”

“Sure. The more the merrier, I guess. I’ll ask for an extra setting, just one extra person right?” Jaehyun gives you an affirmative then ends the call after promising to be at the diner in fifteen minutes.

“About time you got”-your voice hitches at the sight of Doyoung standing beside Jaehyun-“here.” What type of bullshit is the universe pulling? Is it purposely dangling your friends in front of you knowing that you refuse to interact with them? Aren’t you allowed to keep them as far away from you as possible, where they’ll be safe? Christ Almighty. Only Jaehyun would somehow manage to be Doyoung’s partner for his project while you were actively trying not to befriend him.

“Hi I’m Mark, nice to meet you!” The blond says cheerily, easily gesturing at the seats in front of you.

Clearing your throat, you introduce yourself. It’s just your luck that Doyoung sits in front of you, recognition settling in his eyes once you are face to face. The conversation runs smoothly once he’s introduced himself and although you know you shouldn’t, you can’t help but prattle on about various topics that you know will get him heated–you’ve always loved debating with Doyoung. There is just something about the way he words his points, bringing up necessary facts and even searching them up in order to prove you wrong. Mark and Jaehyun’s heads swing back and forth between the two of you as if they are watching a pendulum.

You didn’t realize how much you have missed his intense eyes until now. They are locked on you like you are his target and it reminds you of when you would go monster hunting, just the two of you and nobody else because both of you were stupidly confident in your plan. The debate ends when Mark diverts the conversation by mentioning dessert. Doyoung smirks smugly at the fact that he got the last word but you don’t even care about your loss, you are just content that he took the bait. The lunch ends with you trading numbers with him, passing your phones to one another over the table. Doyoung hates the picture you take of him but when you tell him to suck it up because you think he looks cute in it, he is adorably flustered.

*

On nights when you can’t drag yourself to your usual pizza spot, too lonely and aching with pain, you quietly slip into the spare room that should be occupied by Doyoung. You like to lay on the bed and imagine that you never traveled back in time, that he’s reading aloud to you like he regularly does. Instead of reading out loud while imagining the warmth that he radiates, you flip through your photo album. They are all your favorites; Yuta squishing Mark in a hug, Taeyong feeding Jaehyun a dish he cooked, Johnny staring at the sunset. But you like the ones with Doyoung the best, mostly because you are a tiny bit biased.

Sometimes you wish you could tell them. All of them. You are bursting with need to do so. But then one of them does something, like Mark smiling brightly when you visited the aquarium a few days ago or Taeyong’s proud smile because he managed to learn to strum a song on his ukelele, and it’s enough to remind you that you can’t burden them. There has been one or two incidents where you almost blurt it out but then you vividly remember their faces crumpled in pain and you can’t.

Other times you think about whether or not the future is being rewritten. Maybe you won’t even be present in the future because even though the injuries you have sustained so far have been small, it doesn’t mean that they won’t become serious in the future. Or maybe you do survive, somehow obtain your degree and find a job then start a family or something.

This time, however, you find yourself muffling your sobs in the dark as you stare at a group picture because yeah, your friends with them again somehow and you’re thankful, but you are so, so lonely. Shouldering the protection of your small town on your own is extremely difficult without anybody to lean on. Even with the knowledge you possess, executing a plan is a big obstacle considering any move that you make could end up very badly since you don’t have any back up.

Tomorrow you will shove down these feelings but tonight you allow yourself to cry until you fall asleep.

*

The pain in your arm is excruciating but you don’t stop–can’t stop. You are running as fast as you can, taking sharp turns here and there as you silently plead with your legs to keep going. You need to find a small place to rest so that you can build up some energy to use your magic but you know there isn’t anywhere to hide.

The time you have recently spent rebuilding your friendships has led you to forget about one of the worst ever monsters you have had to defeat–the pilgasari. The first time you had to execute it, you failed miserably and everyone was horribly injured. Taeyong and Mark had nightmares for weeks, Johnny and Jaehyun grew paranoid, Yuta never let any of you out of his sight and Doyoung stuck by your side for months. It is basically immortal and the only reason you managed to defeat it on your second attempt is because you were about to witness your friends die. Magical exhaustion took over you afterwards and when you woke up, you were greeted by teary eyes, pizza and a smack on the head accompanied by a lecture.

A loud roar shakes the trees, causing you to move faster out of sheer desperation. But when you swing left, you come to a screeching halt. The creature is a few feet ahead of you, it’s large eyes boring into your own as it stomps its way towards you. The spells that you yell desperately are futile, it keeps moving towards you without a hitch in its step. Christ. You are going to die. You are going to die and miss movie night tomorrow and your friends are going to mourn you forever, wondering what happened to you for the rest of their lives.

You flinch when it takes a swipe at you, dangerously close to ripping off your arm. The second your back hits a tree, you know it’s over. You don’t have enough energy anymore to even attempt a spell so all you can do is watch in fear as it towers over you, raising it’s long claws. The sound of your heart pounding isn’t loud enough to eliminate your scream as it slashes at your direction.

It manages to make an incision on your good arm and just as it raises it’s claws again, you squeeze your eyes close. And then you feel like you are traveling through the stars, speed so fast that it’s dizzying. You know this feeling. You do. You have been acquainted with it before only once and you have never been more glad to be feeling it again.

It shouldn’t be possible but when the weightlessness disappears, you find yourself staring into Taeyong’s large, moist eyes and you can’t help but huff out a weak laugh.

“Missed you.” You manage to mumble, body now painfully aware of just how many injuries you have endured. You want to reach out to him, to smooth the lines away from his forehead and assure him that you are okay but you’re arms feel like jelly, the cuts screeching in agony, so you resist tamp down the urge. Someone, Mark maybe, cries loudly and that is the last sound you hear before you succumb to your exhaustion.

*

You wake up with a start, eyes wildly scanning the room. A garbled sound escaping your lips when you notice that one of your paintings is hung up on the wall–you aren’t very good and Doyoung said as much when you presented it to him but he still framed it and hung it up in his room. If painting is up, along with the books overflowing on the shelf, that has to mean-

Your eyes dart towards the door as it opens. Jaehyun hasn’t taken notice of you yet since he is rubbing his eyes but when he does, his eyes widen and he bellows at the others. Immediately, everyone tramples in. Weakly, you raise your arm a fraction and that’s enough for them to flock towards you. They speak over each other and you can’t help but tear up at their expressions. They all look so torn up except Doyoung who stands at the door with his arms crossed, head down as he creates holes in the carpet with his burning stare.

“How did you guys bring me back?” None of them are magically inclined–just a bunch of extraordinarily brave humans who are reckless enough to join you to keep the town safe.

“We had to ask three witches for help.” Mark admits, staring at you like you might disappear if he doesn’t keep his eyes on you.

“Don’t do that to us again,” Yuta says as he takes your hand in his. “We thought we lost you forever.”

“Yeah! If we all lost our memories of you, you would have been gone forever!” Johnny exclaims.

“What do you mean?”

“Every one of us started losing our memories of you,” Taeyong answers, “except for Doyoung.” At his response, your gaze snap towards Doyoung who still refuses to meet your eyes.

“Alright, we are going to get boxes of pizza and snacks while the two of you sort everything out.” Jaehyun states, clapping his hands together, his eyes directed at Doyoung pointedly before returning to yours. “I’ve missed you so much dummy, never do that again.”

“I’ll try.” Mark squawks at your reply, eyes widening in terror as he begins to list out the reasons why you should never do it again. “I was kidding. I won’t.” The collective sagging of shoulders doesn’t escape your notice which makes you feel horrible.

Before shuffling out they touch you in different manners; Yuta lightly clutches your hand before letting go, Johnny pats your head, Jaehyun softly flicks your forehead, Mark places a heavy hand on your shoulder and Taeyong strokes your forearm.

The silence is overbearing once they leave the room. You feel like holding your breath as you wait for Doyoung to say something. Anything. But he still won’t meet your eyes. Instead he walks over to his bed and kneels at your side, crossing his arms on the mattress and resting his head on top. He is close enough for you to place your hand on his head, so you do. Your fingers card through his hair, making sure that you scrape your nails delicately on his scalp. When you notice the small tremors of his shoulders, you move your hand from his scalp to the nape of his neck then in between his shoulder blades.

“It’s okay,” you soothe quietly, wincing at the sight of the bandages that cover your arms as you rub your hand up and down his back in a constant motion. “I’m here.” You continue to murmur what you hope is enough assurance for him so that he can talk to you.

“How could you do that you absolute idiot.” Is the first thing he says, his tone harsh, when he looks up at you. “You just disappeared right in front of me and never came back! And then everybody started to forget about you!” You wince guiltily at his words. “And I- And I-” You wait patiently for him to continue. Your heart hurts at the sight of him softening as he examines your injuries. “I thought I’d lost you forever and it would be all my fault.” He continues quietly, shaking his head at you when you open your mouth to say something. “Didn’t mean what I said back then. I was just mad because you always take the hits for us, for me, and it was so bad. Almost as bad as the time we fought the chimera. You didn’t see how much blood you lost.”

“Hey, it isn’t your fault,” disbelief is written in his eyes at your statement. “It isn’t! It was all me, okay? I thought you would all be better off without knowing, so I tried to fix it.”

“But you wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t say what I did!” The exclamation is followed by a fresh wave of tears.

“Alright, how about this: it was both of our faults because we were being idiots. Sound good?”

“Only if you don’t do it again.” It’s supposed to come out as demanding, you know it is with how he has squared his shoulders and faced you determinedly, but all you see in his eyes are pleading.

“I promise I won’t.” You pledge, placing your hand on his cheek. He moves it so that it covers his eyes and something inside you breaks when you feel hot tears building up a wall against your palm and fingers. “Doyoung,” you whisper. “I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” you call gently to gain his attention when he removes your hands from his red rimmed eyes, “read to me?”

“Of course.”

You fall asleep to the sound of his voice, snuggling into his side with his arm around your shoulders. And the next morning when the others tease the two of you and show off the pictures they took, trying their damn hardest to make sure that everything feels normal and you didn’t disappear for almost three weeks, Doyoung kicks them out of the apartment so he can spend some quality time with you.