#ngl i dreamt about my dead ex last night which i very rarely do and when i do im always like. oh.
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i know everyone hates cmbyn but “if i could have him like this in my dreams every night of my life, i’d stake my entire life on dreams and be done with the rest” is still too raw
#ngl i dreamt about my dead ex last night which i very rarely do and when i do im always like. oh.#which is. u know bc last night i was thinking to myself ok. i had to wait 7 years to realize how i felt about him and then at that point i#was already 4 years too late but ok. then i went and dreamt about him which is really rude#but when i dream about him it's always like. familiar like i dont want to be like oh now he's dead i miss him#but like. i do i never didnt miss him i just didnt want to acknowledge how i felt about him which is why it took me 7 years to be like#ok i will text him now. lol bitch no u wont so#anyway just to be honest it always feels like home when i dream about him like i know how stupid that sounds but it does#it's never like i dream about him and i see him and im like omg!!! it's always like :) nice like he isnt dead it's just like well of course#he's here he's always here if that makes sense. it's stupid i know but it makes me happy when i see him.#and then when i first wake up im like :) because i think it's real then a few minutes later im like. oh.😔#and i try hard not to be like oh life isnt fair but it isnt? he didnt deserve to die and as shit a person as i am i didnt deserve to have to#live with this kind of regret and never be able to fix it like it isnt fair. like how can some girls be like oh yeah :) my hs bf messaged me#and now we're going to get coffee and catch up :) or like yeah i took the plunge and messaged him after 22 years and#turns out he missed me too and now we're giving it another try like what the fuck. the ONE guy i date#who i know now was connected to me in way more than just randomly meeting him but im not getting into that. gets killed like. ok#like i never thought i'd be that bitch in the movies who is like yeah.. i think about him every single day. i didnt think that shit was real#but apparently it is anyway i’m done being a drama queen for the day
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