#ngl and not saying it loud only in whisper but i kinda agree with some of the este fans on twitter

[graveltrip]

esteban getting linked to haas...

[cookiescribble]

I’m The Only One Who Touches You

A/N: This one kinda got away from me, ngl 😅 I’ve been sitting on it for a while. enjoy anyway, though! sorry we've kinda been on hiatus <3 - Mod Ghost

Summary: You and Spencer had decided some quality time with the team could do you both some good, but some jerk has other ideas

TW: sexual harassment, alcohol/drinking, pre-T/ top or bottom surgery body, misgendering

After some discussion between us and the team, Spencer and I agreed to go out that night with the rest of the team to a bar that Rossi wanted to show us.

“Do we really have to go? I…I really don’t want to be inside of a bar tonight, let alone at all,” Spence asked softly, coming up behind me as I brushed my teeth and wrapped his arms around my waist as he dropped his head on top of mine. He looked into my eyes in the mirror, and I could see the puppy dog pout that he had on.

“We already agreed to go, and we won’t have to be there for long. Just enough to say hello and make it seem like we’re personable people.” I spit into the sink then turn around in his arms to hug him back as I speak, rubbing his back. “Plus, if it gets really bad, we can have a secret signal. Just for you to say ‘hey, I hate it here, let’s leave please.’ Okay? While we’re there, you can just tap my elbow three times. Like this.” I reach around and tap his elbow three times to show him then he nods.

“Okay, you’re right. Let’s head out then, the rest of the team should either already be there or will be there soon.” Spence chuckled softly, taking my hand and leading me out of the bathroom then out of the apartment.

Once we got there, Spencer seemed to be a bit more at ease, comfortable in his own skin. He was talking with JJ and Garcia as I was getting some more drinks, soda for Spence and myself while the girls were getting alcohol.

“Another of whatever this pretty lady is getting for me, please.” A man spoke up from next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder.

The bartender went about making all the drinks as I looked at this mystery man. He was taller than me and was looking at me with a rather smug face.

“I’m not sure who you think you’re talking to, or why you’d want four drinks for yourself.” I tried to move his hand off my shoulder but he kept it there, which made my discomfort levels skyrocket. I looked around for Spencer but couldn’t see him, which is when this guy finally moved his hand, but he grabbed my chin instead of keeping it away as if he was trying to get my attention back.

“You bought four drinks, huh? Someone’s got a bit of an alcohol problem,” he said with a cocky sneer, leaning in closer so I could smell all the alcohol he’d been drinking.

“You have about 5 seconds to get off me before I make you,” I threatened, trying to pull away from him which only made him yank me closer with his hand trailing down my side. “Hey—“

All I felt was this guy suddenly getting dragged off of me and before I knew what was happening, he was pinned down against the bar.

“When my boyfriend tells you something, you listen. Do you understand me?” The man holding this guy down, who I quickly realized was Spence, growled close to this asshole’s ear. It made him nod nervously. “Good. Now, get the fuck out of here.”

The mystery pervert was up and out of sight before either of us could say anything else, which was when Spencer turned to face me. His entire demeanor changed now, his expression soft as he reached out to me.

“Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?” Before he could even finish his sentence, I was burying myself in his arms. “Hey, what happened?? What did he do that I didn’t see?”

“Nothing, Spence, I promise. I’m just…really glad you showed up..” I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. He rubbed my back slowly as he hugged me tight.

“Alright, it’s okay. I’m going to take you home, let’s go tell the others we’re leaving and then we’ll be out of here,” he whispered back as he leaned in close to my ear, leading me back over to where everyone was standing to politely tell them we were leaving.

“Hey, we’re uh, we’re gonna head home,” Spencer announced, his arm tightly wrapped around my shoulders.

“Aw, already?” Complained Penelope, but then I assumed she saw the look on my face because I saw her demeanor turn concerned. “What happened? Are you two okay?”

“We’re fine, I’m just tired. We’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He didn’t wait for anyone else to say anything before leading me away as I waved meekly. 

We were in a taxi on the way home but I felt detached and out of it. I kept thinking about what could’ve happened if Spencer hadn’t been there when he was. 

“I didn’t lie to Penelope for you, did I?” he joked, gently nudging me to bring me out of my thoughts with a soft tone to his voice and a gentle smile on his face. 

“No, I would never make you do that. I’m okay, just like I said earlier,” I promised, but it didn’t seem to ease his suspicions any.

After getting out of the car, we were heading up to his apartment, his arm around me the whole way until we got to his door where he let go to let us inside. 

I stood behind him, an arm wrapped around myself and looking around the hallway on either side until I heard the telltale sound of the lock clicking open then took his hand that he extended to me. He pulled me through the threshold and then turned around to close the door behind us while I simply stood there.

Spence could tell I was feeling off, but I couldn’t do much about it. My mind couldn’t help taking me through what the worst case scenario would’ve been.

“Hey,” he murmured lovingly, leaning in close enough that I could feel him behind me without him actually touching me, “I don’t care what ‘men’ try to pick you up, I’ll always be the man taking you home,” he mumbled in my ear, just low enough to send shivers down my spine as he pulled me in until I was pressed against his chest and gently tilted my head so he could make eye contact with me, “Okay?”

I nodded, not taking my eyes off of his. 

“Good. Now, c’mon, let’s take a shower and stop thinking about this.” 

“How’d you know I was—“

Spencer simply looked at me with a raised eyebrow, as if he was asking whether or not I was serious.

“…never mind.”

“That’s what I thought. Come with me.” He took my hand, holding it firmly but gently as he led me into the bathroom. “Start the water, I’m gonna grab some clothes and towels for us.” He kissed the back of my head with his hands gently resting on my shoulders before leaving the room. I did as told, though, leaning down to start up the water and making sure the temperature was okay. 

As I was about to get up, I heard him come back into the bathroom, closing the door and coming up behind me. I felt the warmth of his body before his hands slid over my hips, pulling me up to stand and turning me around to face him. 

“Do you want me in here with you? I can start up some food if–” He stopped mid-sentence when I grabbed his wrist, nonverbally signaling that I didn’t want him to leave me, “--okay, don’t worry…I’m right here and I’m going to keep you safe now.” 

Adjusting so he was holding my hand instead, he then leaned down to kiss my forehead before leaning his head against mine. “Is it okay if I take your shirt off for you?” His voice was soft as it broke the silence, barely even there, which made it all the more comforting. 

I nodded again, but he didn’t move, so I got the sense he wanted verbal consent.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I mumbled back, and he kissed my cheek before he gently started tugging my shirt up and over my head. 

He paused with his hands hovering over the waistband of my jeans, glancing at me as if he was asking me again. 

“That’s uh, that’s okay, too. Jeans and..and just all of it, go ahead.” I smiled at him shyly, admiring how sweet he was to continually make sure I was okay with what was going on. 

Spence smiled at me then continued to undress me, unable to stop himself from looking at me for a moment before turning me around to gently push me into the shower and getting undressed himself so he could join me. I waited patiently for him, letting the water run through my hair and closing my eyes as I felt my muscles relax under the spray while my mind wandered.

It felt a bit odd that I didn’t want Spencer to stop touching me, as if his soft and gentle touch could somehow erase the terror of what could’ve happened to me but didn’t. That it could save me from feeling that man’s hand roughly grabbing my chin and almost forcing me into things I didn’t want. His gentle kisses and soft caresses were all I wanted, and it seemed he was more than willing to give me that.

I hadn’t noticed that Spence had stepped into the shower until I opened my eyes and he was standing in front of me, pouring soap into his hand. His eyes flicked over to meet mine once he realized I was looking at him, giving me a gentle smile.

“Are you still with me over there?” His tone of voice hadn’t changed from that same tender cadence, taking a small step closer to me until I could feel his breath ghosting over my skin. It was moments like this that made me realize just how tall he was. 

“Yeah, I’m right here…hi.” I waved up at him which made us both giggle.

“That’s okay, just checking, sweetheart.” Spence kissed the top of my head, rubbing the soap into both of his hands then he gently started to rub his hands over my shoulders. I leaned forward until my head was pressed against his chest as he ran his hands over my body, gently kissing the top of my head again then leaving a trail of kisses on my face and along my neck. 

I stood up straight again when he had to bend down further, blushing as I felt his hands massage over my legs and up my thighs. 

I slid my hand into his hair, gently playing with it as he left a kiss lower on my stomach and the warm water rained down over me. 

“S-Spence, I…” I trailed off, distracted by him leaving kisses and marks over my body.

“Hmm…?” he stopped, looking up at me. “Are you okay?” He sat back on his knees, looking up at me while holding both of my thighs.

I slid my hand into his hair, gently playing with it as he left a kiss lower on my stomach and the warm water rained down over me. 

“Mmhmm…I’ve just...I’ve never done this before, and everything that happened tonight, I just…I didn’t think it affected me because he only grabbed at me, but…”

“Stop,” he stood up, wrapping his arms around me with his hands on my lower back so he could pull me closer to him. “It’s alright that what happened affected you, any kind of unwanted touch is a very disorienting thing. Especially if you’ve never been touched like that. We don’t have to do anything unless you’re comfortable.” His voice was more serious than before, and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but nod to show that I understood. “Are you still comfortable with this? Because it’s completely alright to have changed your mind. Just tell me, darling. I’m smart but I’m not a mind reader,” he joked, gently tugging me closer to him until I was almost pressed up against him. 

“Yes…Yeah, I’m still comfortable with this. I think I just needed a minute.” I speak only loud enough to be heard over the water. 

He nods and presses his lips to my cheek before he kneels in front of me again, marking his path with kisses down my stomach back toward where he was before I stopped him, sucking and gently biting at my skin along the way. 

As he got lower and lower, he shifted to loop his arms around my knees, pulling me even closer as he got ever closer to exactly where I wanted–no, needed him to be. I could feel his breathing getting heavier, each breath washing over me between each kiss. 

I slid both of my hands into his hair, gently gripping random fistfuls of it as I moaned lowly and tilted my head back. I felt him chuckle more than I heard it as his head found its way between my legs. 

Soon enough, his tongue glided smoothly in circles over my skin as I gasped and groaned, my grip tightening on his hair and almost pulling with each motion as any thought of getting cleaned up was abandoned. God, if I had known this was where I was going to be before I left the house with him, I wouldn’t have wanted us to leave either. 

Spencer eventually came up for air ever so briefly before he was back to kissing all over my body, marking my skin wherever he could without seeming to care where, like he was claiming every inch of me. Little did he know, all he’d have to do was say ‘please’ in the softest tone of voice he could muster and I’d be on my knees for him. Or worse, he knew and he was more than willing to take advantage of that fact. Not that I minded, per say. 

He slowly made his way back up to my lips, kissing every possible spot on my body that he could so I’d be littered in hickeys and would feel them as a constant reminder of this moment. Of him. 

I tugged on his hair lightly until he was on his feet, my arms going around his neck as I pulled him into a deep kiss with my lips parting against his as he pulled me in closer until our bodies were all but pressed together. 

Feeling him this close to me sent a shiver down my spine.

He finished washing me off, getting out and wrapping a towel around himself before he held out his hand to help me out of the shower. He wrapped the other towel around me and helped me dry off, getting me dressed in a white and gray hoodie of his that said Washington DC and a pair of his pajama pants that he had to tie in a neat bow so they didn’t fall. 

I went digging in his drawers and helped him pick out as well as get into his own pajamas, then he picked me up as I squeaked loudly and started laughing. 

“Spencer! What’re you doing?!” I yelled through giggles. 

“I’m not doing anything!” He smirked as he dropped me onto his bed then sat next to me. 

Spence was barely on the bed two seconds before I was in his lap, hugging him tight. He looped his arms back around me as he leaned back, hugging me close as he pulled the blankets over us and I nuzzled into his shoulder. 

Neither of us moved for a while, long enough for us both to fall asleep. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I felt his lips press against the back of my head with a whispered ‘I love you’.

“Spence..?”

“Hmm..?”

“Can you like…talk to me? Like just…just tell me about something. Anything you want.”

“You’re giving me a lot of power here, sweetheart.” 

“I know, pretty boy, but your voice is…it’s comforting to me.” 

“Okay, you asked for it…” he cleared his throat in a dramatic fashion, making me giggle, before continuing, “The first thing I could think of that could be a lot of fun was Star Wars, so did you know that the name Yoda can be translated to ‘warrior’ in Sanskrit? Also, the word ‘Ewok’ was never spoken aloud in any of the films, even when they visit Endor, the only time it ever comes up is in the credits of ‘Return of the Jedi’,” Spencer rambled excitedly, and I was happy to listen to him for as long as he could talk. Just listening to him, it felt like the rest of the world melted away. Nothing else mattered, and that was the way I preferred it. 

I didn’t even notice I had been falling asleep until he kissed my head and softly wished me goodnight. 

[darthwheezely]

okay im backkkkk 💌 anything kinda angsty for fred pls (like a break up but theres a bit of making up at the end pls

resentment and reconciliation- f.w. hcs

Warnings: this one kinda hurt to write I’m ngl, I love you Jess but DAMN - cussing probably, mentions of slut shaming, actual smut, a lOT OF ANGST, hateful!fred

THIS WILL BE SO UNGODLY LONG THIS IS BASICALLY A PSUEDO ONE SHOT

people that might like this(?): @whiz-bangs78 @vogueweasley @theweasleyslut @loony-loopy-lupinn @lupinsclassroom @vivianweasley @oh-for-merlins-sake @kitwalker02 @tatesimper @gcdric @slytherinsunrise @lumosandnoxwriting

you and Fred were friends...

...simply friends

yep

mhm

only friends

friends that liked to casually dominate each other multiple times a week

sometimes multiple times a day

but regardless of your entirely messy relationship, you were best friends

...weren’t you?

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so goddamn tight me,” Fred hissed as he was pounding inside of you, determined to release some kind of frustration from seeing you with George for the whole day when you both knew you had really just wanted to spend the day with Fred. Right?

“Freddie, you feel so good” you said airily as he hiked up one of your legs onto one of his shoulders.

“Yeah, princess? You like the way I fill you up so good, make you fucking mine?” When you moaned in response he threw your other leg onto the opposite shoulder, determined to show you just how much you were his, and what that meant for him. He had been watching you for months pretend nothing was happening outside this room, and regardless if you knew it or not, it had been killing him the day he agreed to your rendezvous the first time.

“Yes, Freddie, fuck, yes”

“Gonna come for me, sweet girl?”

“God, yes, Fred-“ and with a harsh thrust to your g-spot you clenched around him tightly, your body releasing onto him in a massive wave. He put his free hand that didn’t have your arms pinned above you to your clit, determined to have you as overstimulated as possible.

“Fred, please-“ you whined vehemently at his rough touch.

“I’m coming baby, I’m right here” and with a final pound he had smoothed your walls with him, the throbbing finally subsiding. He rolled his hips slowly to ride out his high, and he then pulled out, falling to your side and pulling you into his arms. He could feel your heart pounding as your breasts heaved against him, desperate for air flow where he had rid you of it all.

“We haven’t held each other like this in a while, Freddie...it’s...it’s really nice.” You whispered against his bare chest, pressing a kiss or two there. He nodded and buried his mouth in your hair, fluttering his eyes.

“I promise I’ll take every opportunity to hold you, okay?”

that was tuesday

let’s skip to Thursday morning

you had only told one other person about your complicated relationship with Fred, and that was Hannah Abbot

you trusted her, you saw her as your BEST friend

but unfortunately, good ol’ hannah didn’t really feel the same

she had it out for you when Roger Davies had confessed he had a crush on you at the Yule Ball, kissed you even, against your consent

see, he was Hannah’s date

and she didn’t like that very much

to top it allllll off?

she had been casually crushing on Fred ever since she had her heart broken by Roger

so now here you all were, seventh year and you assumed as per usual that everything was fine

when clearly, unbeknownst to you

this bitch saw you six feet under

so Hannah did what she knew would hurt you the most

she told Roger :)

“Please he’s absolutely balls deep in love with her, but poor thing doesn’t know she’s using him for a roll in the sack.” Said Hannah, filing her nails in the courtyard. Roger looked at her absolutely dumbfounded.

“No, Y/N, isnt like that. And besides, Fred’s a good mate of mine and...She just wouldn’t do that to him. Feelings or not, she’s not one to use people.” He shook his head starting to get up from the tree he’d been leaning on.

“Well, she used you, didn’t she?” She purred demurely. He turned to look at her, jaw clenched.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He gritted out.

“She’s making him her personal whore, exactly like she did when she rejected you at the Ball...I mean...cmon, Rog. Don’t people deserve to know who she really is?”

everyone had heard the next day how Y/N was fucking Fred Weasley like an Olympic sport

and how he wasn’t the one coming out on top for the first time

at first he didn’t know what he did when he walked into the Great Hall to stares and whispers

George had tried to get him to go back to bed so he could bring him food

but fred demanded answers

and when he found out what it was

...he was crushed

You walked into the cascading staircase, bounding up the stairs. It was Thursday night, you and Fred’s night to be alone while George and Lee would be hanging out. You walked into the room to see Fred, throwing things onto his bed and looking angry and...hurt?

“Fred, what-what is all this?” He didn’t look at you, just continued to pick stuff up off the floor, and got one of your bras. He threw it at you.

“It’s all your shit, Y/N. Might as well help since this is the last time you’ll ever be in my room. Or around me again quite frankly.” He started to look down again and keep working but he heard you whimper and his eyes flashed up to yours. He started to laugh harshly. “Oh my god, stop.” He rolled his eyes and threw his arms out. “You got what you wanted from me didn’t you, Y/N? Quick shag and no feelings and knowing you had an entire fucking human being completely and utterly devoted to you with, what did Ron say? ‘Half the commitment’?” He smiled at you but it was one with rage, with tears pooling at his eyes, pain emitting off his body in hot waves. He didn’t even know he was shouting.

“I mean, Jesus, I’m in love with you and you got to go on and-and fuck whoever you want because guess what at the end of the day you get to tell everyone that Fred fucking Weasley is your own personal whore and would do anything for you and that just got you where you wanted it didn’t it? Didn’t it?” He had stopped yelling, his heart pounding as he took in the sight of you fully in tears now, flinching at him quietly. He felt immediately then like he was going to throw up, something wasn’t right, you usually were so fiery and assertive and here you were looking like a dog that got kicked repeatedly. He swallowed thickly. “Get your stuff and get the fuck out I can’t stand the sight of you.”

Without looking at him you reached onto his bed and grabbed everything you could carry, and swiftly left the room. Everyone in the Gryffindor common room, except George, looking at you with pure unbridled disdain.

George was the only it seemed, that cared about you at this time for the next couple weeks

He didn’t tell Fred, but it had been George that had been sneaking up food to you in your dorm room

It had been George that had sent you little notes in class that said things like

I love you, Y/N. I believe in you, okay?

He even visited your dorm one day when you couldn’t move so much as one leg off your bed, and he caught you then, while you were sobbing about the loss of Fred and yourself and he held you and put you back in bed

and waited until you fell back asleep and moved the hair out of your face

he needed to tell Fred the truth

meanwhile, Fred was floundering

he had fallen back into his coping mechanism of sex and violence, mostly the first one

he had started hooking up with virtually everyone in his year that he’d ever rejected

after all - fred was labeled as a slut so why not act like one

if there was anything Fred was good at, it was being loud

in bed it had never been an issue - in fact, it was a talent now, yeah?

he’d been hearing it around school for weeks now

how easy he was

how much he would do to get in a girl’s pants

how he dipped his wick in anything that moved

anything and everything

he got it from girls

“c’mon freddie can i take a ride just once”

to the guys

“Oi freddie, you let your mates hit it for free too?”

if it were from a guy he’d usually swing a punch

or 12

he’d gotten in his most fights that he ever had in any of his years at hogwarts

but then Georgie came along:

George had waited on Fred’s bed, as his twin was in the shower. Lucky for Fred, George had been able to trace Roger’s little dip in the gossip system all the way back to Hannah Abbott, who everyone knew was bullshit, and had decided to let his brother know exactly what kind of a supreme asshat he was being to their best friend (and the love of Fred’s life, let’s be super honest.)

“Georgie, what the hell are you doing-”

“About to give you the whip cracking of your life, dear brother.” George swung his legs off the bed as Fred continued to dry his hair in the mirror, rolling his eyes.

“Is this about the last girl I had by? We didn’t fuck on your bed if that’s what you’re so worried about.” Fred quipped and George took everything in his power to not bitch slap the hell out of his older twin. George clenched his jaw and rolled it.

“You fucked up, Freddie.” He said quietly. Fred turned slowly to look at him. “Excuse me?”. “You. Fucked. Up.” George said a bit louder. “Y/N got played. By Hannah Abbott and Roger Davies. She’s had a crush on you this whole time, you absolute dumb piece of shit.” And then George did push Fred then backwards onto the bathroom wall, but he was too dumbfounded by the usually sensible twin’s behavior to do anything back.

“That’s-I don’t understand-“

“Oh my god, Fred. Hannah’s been in love with for ages, she lied. To everyone. Roger did too, he’s wanted to get with Y/N since day 1 you know that just as well as I do.” Fred tightened his arm, thinking about Roger with his lips and arms on you that night last year-

“Your point? She still said that shit about me” he said gruffly, but a pool of anxiety swirled in his stomach all the same

“Don’t you get it? Y/N is in love with you. She didn’t say or do anything to hurt you. At all. She hasn’t been eating, she hasn’t been doing homework, she throws up constantly, she’s barely left bed but to go to the library and usually all she does there is sleep anyway, she cries all the time and it’s been me making sure she still is present if not to just see people every damn day! So quit youre moping and fix this shit or I swear to God, Freddie, I’ll knock your block off.” George was heaving, pools of water in his eyes as he swallowed. “She’s my best friend too, you know.”

Fred looked up at George then and had started to cry. All of those things he said, all of the words he spat at her like they could burn her skin and cause some of the pain he believed she had caused him, when in reality you had-you had done nothing wrong.

“Georgie, I’m sorry” he choked.

“I know you are. But I’m not the one to say it to right now...you’ve gotta find her, Freddie. Please.”

you had been in the corner of the quidditch stands

the wind was blowing against your hair

you couldn’t be in your room anymore, it started to smell like you

and you, prior to an hour ago, didn’t smell too appetizing

you reeked of sweat and tears and your own sick

you took a shower so hot you wanted it to burn you alive

maybe sanitize the last of your fear and your hurt away

you had lost weight, you had lost feeling

you all in all had just lost

and you had never wanted to go home so badly, already considering writing home

you hated being reminded that your best friend and crush hated you

wanted you to be hated by everyone else too

but then, you heard footsteps

“Y/N?” Fred whispered to himself as he saw you in the stands. You looked so worn, so lifeless sitting there - he almost didn’t recognize you from the way your hair, usually scrunched up and bouncy had fallen flatly against your face, further slapped around by the wind outside. You had been wearing an oversized sweater and your sweatpants had pooled around your ankles. Simply put, you were miserable. 

“Y/N?” He called again once he was standing in front of you. You turned to look at him in what felt like slow motion, but when you locked eyes with him, you immediately felt fearful. 

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll leave now” you sputtered

“No, hey, wait, please” he reached out to grab your arm and you froze, letting him take it. He looked at you, with a flash of fear and worry on your face and he wanted to throw up knowing he was the one that made you feel like that.

“Fred, please let go” you hoarsely whispered.

“No, love, I’m not going to let go I have some things to apologize for.”

You started to cry, eyes dropping again to his hand on your arm and breathing feeling suddenly like a very hard task. “You hate me now: you sobbed and you pulled yourself from his grip, turning away from him and gathering your bag. He started to scramble for your hold again tears starting to stream down his face

“No, angel, please, I could never hate you”

“Oh? What about those things you said to me in your room-” you were walking faster over the benched seats, making your way to the other side.

“I know I know I said those things in my room but I can’t believe them because you have to believe me when I tell you I’m in love with you” and he was sobbing at your body turned away from him. You turned to look at him with a skeptical quirk of your face.

“No, no you don’t.” You spat.

“Yes, Y/N, I do please let me explain” he said earnestly taking in your bright eyes and the furrow of your brow.

“People who love each other don’t scream at them and throw things.” You said flatly. You wanted him to be true but you couldn’t make yourself believe him.

“Just give me five minutes of your time and-and if you hate me you never have to see me again. Please.” He closed the gap between you two and motioned for you to sit down. You licked a tear from your lip and nodded siting on a bench besides him.

“Hannah and Roger told everyone-”

“I know what happened. What they did. I want to hear about you. And what you said. And are saying” you looked at him in the eyes with steel burning behind your irises.

He sighed and rubbed his jaw. “I thought that what we had was purely sex in your eyes. And I was too much of a coward to ever ask you, so when I heard someone tell me that my own insecurities could possibly be true,” he inhaled a harsh breath as tears started to fall “I-I was crushed. By the idea that you saw me as what other people saw me as...as a toy? I guess? Or a sexual prop? To use when you wanted. But I hide my feelings a lot as you know, so even if you did feel that way, it would’ve looked like I agreed because I hate you knowing how sad I am,” he started to choke on his tears, the anguish of knowing he hurt you this much was too much for him to ever be able to handle. “I just wanted to hold you and whisper in your ear and tell you how much I love you and the thought of my own fears being true pushed you away. And you never have to forgive me. I-when I yelled at you like that I wanted to see you hurt, I think. I wanted you to see how sad it made me to think about you with other people like you had been with me and” he took a final breath and you pulled his body into you. “Y/N, my love I’m so sorry.” His sobs shook your body, the feeling and angle of the destroyed boy you love shaking you everywhere. You pressed kisses to his head. “Freddie, I love you” you repeated “I love you here and here and here and here and here” and with every kiss you gave him, you were determined to soothe him. “I-I’ sorry too, for not being as forthright with you about how i felt too. It’s always been you, Freddie.” He choked out a watery smile and he leaned in to kiss your face everywhere he could, his tears stinging against the wind and your cheeks. 

“If-If you could ever be with me I will always be open to it at any time, you know that don’t you? I-I understand if you can’t.” He held his forehead to yours, his nose brushing yours ever so slightly. 

“Freddie, I love you. You were who I missed when I couldn’t get out of bed for fuck’s sake you’re all I want,” and he leaned into you then fully, capturing your wet and chapped lips against his. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he melted into you like this

this

this was fred weasley

[pink-bear]

NSFW Alphabet: Kazuichi Soda

Pink lemonade boy~

Stuff under the cut. Character is depicted as 18+

THIS IS 18+ ONLY! MINORS DNI!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

When he’s giving it, he always makes sure his partner has water, a snack if they request it, and plenty of kisses and praise. When he’s receiving it, he lowkey loves being pampered, it makes him feel appreciated :’)

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

When it comes to himself, he likes his hands. He’s good at using them, and learning to use them on his partner is one of the things he perfects first.

As for his partner, he’s a butt guy for sure. Perfect for grabbing and spanking! He also very much enjoys boobs, but it’s not a requirement!

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He cums a basic amount, and likes doing so inside his partner any chance he gets (whether it’s in their mouth or their downstairs area).

He also lowkey likes the taste of his own cum, and often times lick it off himself after he’s jerked off.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Loves smelling his partner’s undies, especially when they’re away for whatever reason. He’ll sometimes even wear them and masturbate in them, too. Dirty boy...

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s super inexperienced. A number of factors went into him not losing his virginity as a teen (his social awkwardness, his anxiety, the fact he wasn’t very popular, ect.). Pretty much all the stuff he knows is from porn, and actually executing that is awkward to say the least-

BUT HOPE IS NOT LOST! Like anything in this world, the more you practice, the better you get! Once he finds an understanding and patient partner, he’ll learn the ins and outs of being a good lover, and he’ll get the hang of it in no time!

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy style. Gives him access to his partner’s butt, and he loves leaning over and leaving bite marks with them sharp chompers of his. He also likes how deep he/his partner can get, and how he/his partner can reach around and pleasure whoever bottoms as well!

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Some silliness can really help settle his nerves, especially his first few times. For sure he likes it when things are passionate, but having a little bit of goofy sprinkled in, especially afterwards, can really make the whole experience that much better. If he can both satisfy and make his partner giggle, then he’s on cloud nine!

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

His manscaping could be...better, but it’s nothing unbearable. Often times he just forgets to do it (this guy forgets to shower a lot too, pls be patient with him). If he has a date coming up, or his partner asks him to, he’ll trim things up a bit, but he never likes being completely bare.

And no, the carpet doesn’t match the drapes. Its black like his natural hair colour! Though he has thought about dying it too...

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

His attempts at being romantic can sometimes be a bit corny, but the passion is totally there. He’s not the best with words, but he’ll go on and on (and on and on) about how special his partner is when he’s truly found the one.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

This poor guy jacks off A LOT. Being as sexually frustrated as he is, it’s not uncommon for him to crank one out daily. Once he finds a regular sexual partner it goes down, but sometimes he just can’t wait!

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sexy car washes. Skimpy clothing, getting all wet and bodies being pressed against the hood of a nice car? Oh man, he’ll cream his pants in seconds.

L = Location (favourite places to do the do)

He loves doing it in his workshop, and probably has an old couch there for that very reason (though he’ll say it’s for relaxing/napping to anyone who asks).

Apart from that, you can’t go wrong with the bedroom! Especially if the bed is real comfortable~

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing his partner absolutely desperate for some fuck. Talk dirty to him, whisper in his ear, tease him, and he’s READY TO GO!

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything unsanitary (pee, poop, ect.), of course. He also doesn’t really like being tied up, since it causes his anxiety to spike when he isn’t able to move his hands.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers receiving oral, especially after a hard day’s work. He’ll happily return the favour, but it may take him a bit of practice to get good at it. Good thing he’s an eager learner! Just be careful with those teeth-

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on how he’s feeling. Sometimes when he’s real horny, he gets down to the nitty gritty. However, when he’s feeling a bit vulnerable, or he had a nice, peaceful day with his partner, he will for sure show his appreciation by being sensual and sweet.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

This man lives for quickies. A good stress reliever, and a good way to spend a break from work!

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He love the idea of getting caught, but not so much actually running the risk of it. He prefers to do things in “private public places”. As in places that would normally be populated, but at certain times of the day are vacant with no actual risk. For example: His workshop after closing.

Actually getting caught makes him want to cry :’)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

His stamina is kinda low, ngl. He can last a few minutes, maybe around ten at the most. He makes up for it however by the amount of rounds he can go, especially spaced throughout the day.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Soda loves toys! Vibrators are his favourite, especially using them on his partners. He also has a few sizes of dildos and butt plugs, fleshlights and some nipple clamps too!

He’s thought about making his own toys, but maybe that isn’t the best idea...

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Soda likes to tease, with that shit eating grin we all love so much. When it comes to his partners teasing him, however, he’s a total baby lol

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

This boy is LOUD. Oh my lord, lots of moaning, groaning, whimpering and begging. And when he bottoms...honey, you got another storm comin’

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Soda wears a tank top and boxers under his jumpsuit. It gets pretty hot in that thing, so he doesn’t want too many layers.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His dick is uncut and pretty average in both length and width. He’s rather self conscious of it, seeing how the media portrays big dicks as the most desirable. Sometimes he even thinks of getting a piercing to “add a little something extra to it”, but is too chicken to actually go through with it. Eventually he learns it’s not the size of the boat that matters, but the motion of the ocean 🌊

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Soda’s unbelievably thirsty, it’s on his mind a lot, to a point it’ll sometimes get in the way of work. So once he gets a sexual partner, the first few months he’s gonna be pretty damn desperate for some fucc. He settles down eventually, but he can still get in the mood pretty easily, and will very rarely turn down an offer.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Once the sexy times are over, he’s out like a light. With the combination of his job, his anxiety and the strenuous task of love making, it really tires the poor guy out.

🌸🌸🌸

And there you have it! My first post on here WHOO!

Hope you enjoyed! And if you don’t agree with any of these, that’s fine! These are just my personal headcanons!

Alphabet template

[heyitsyn]

Prove Me Wrong

M!Reader x Oikawa

a/n: SDKLFJSLDKFJDLSKF OKAY I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I LAST UPDATED BUT I REALLY INVESTED MY TIME INTO RESEARCHING AND READING FANFICS WITH AN M!READER BC I REALLY DIDNT WANNA GET IT WRONG SO I APOLOGIZE IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG AND I HOPE THIS ANON LIKES IT!!!

anon:

-heres an interesting thought. what about flamboyant oikawa with a cold boyfriend😳😳

YEYYY I FINALLY UPDATED

LETS GET STARTED SHALL WE?

okayokayokay

so in the request above

this is a m!reader

meaning you will be male in this one so hehe yep the story starts now

you are,,,

distant

and cold

but its mainly just because you were,,,

too tired to actually put in the effort of socializing

between bouncing between part-time jobs to care for your siblings and to schoolwork and book club

the mans can only do so much

so you spend most of your time in school just trying to catch up on sleep bc youre too busy studying up all night for exams since yanno

✨gRaDuaATiOn✨

unfortunately for you, your class had the famous manwhore oikawa tooru

why is that a bad thing?

well, imagine just trying to get some shut eye and suddenly, you just hear a bunch of screaming girls and it gets louder the closer the guy approaches your classroom and when he opens it,

the screams become 10x bass boosted

then imagine that with your sensitive hearing

now,,

it does bother you but it wouldnt bother you as much if he told them to leave

BUT NOOOOOO

he decides to let them in and chat with them and flatter them and continue with that bs until the bell rings

even then,

the girls in your class cant help but keep giggling at him and he always whispers in that obnoxious voice and youre just like two seconds away from ripping his tongue out

now

you dont hate him

you just genuinely dislike his way of living

and the way he talks

and the way he acts

yea see?

no hate

theres a difference

then there was that one time that you got so fed up with it that when oikawa settled on his seat and the fangirls circled him like some cult

they started talking to him all at once trying to get his attention

so it was a garbled mess of sounds and you growled, burying your face deeper in your arms because you would snap really really soon

then one girl shrieked when oikawa smiled at her and then you really just let go of all bearings

your chair made a squeak as you shot up, palms slamming against the wooden desk and your eyes glaring straight at them

‘go back to the farm, ya squealing pigs’

DSKFJLSDFKJSDFKDJS SORRY I LOVE TSUMU

this made everyone silent-even the others in the class just minding their own business

they all knew you as the quiet kid who didnt really talk much but those who did were really scared at you and the way you talked to them with such a cold and monotonous voice that they started spreading rumors about you

even absurd ones like your eyes are so cold bc youve killed so many people that you have no life and empathy left

LIKE WHAT THE HECK YOU STRUGGLED TO GET A SPIDER OUT OF YOUR SISTERS ROOM THE OTHER DAY LIKE EXCUSE YOU

but apparently they were just,,, so scared of you that when you finally got done with them and bursted out, the girls started crying

YALL KNOW THE SAYING LIKE HELL HAS STARTED WHEN THE QUIET KID SNAPS

the females run out of the room scared and the others nervously looks at you

your eyes sweeped through the room and each one of them flinched when you made eye contact with them

YES ASSERT OUR DOMINANCE M/N

the only who didnt was oikawa tooru himself

your eyes landed on him and he still had that stupid smug look on his stupidly gorgeous face and you wanted to ki-WAIT NO SLAP it off of him

‘the hell you looking at?’

you grumbled at him and he just merely shook his head with a smile

‘you remind me a chihuahua, m/n-chan. so cute when its angry’

‘HAH?!’

now it isnt a surprise to hear oikawa tooru say that to a boy bc wowza the school loves him so much that hes a bi icon in seijoh and hes such a king like who cares?

but they were surprised to see you turn red, the tips of your ears to the base of your neck were all flushed

‘see? so cute, right, everyone?’

KSDFJLSDKJFS

THE NERVE OF THIS MAN

the class didnt say anything except just put their heads down bc as much as they wanted to agree with oikawa at how suddenly hot you looked, they were too scared that you might plummet their faces to the ground

maybe thats when everyone started noticing you more

again, you were very quiet, you didnt talk much, you just sat there and listened so obviously you didnt really stand out but then that outburst made you more noticeable

you started seeing girls in your class staring at you then blush and look away abashedly

then the guys in your class started greeting you, even people in the hallways

ngl the attention you suddenly got was overwhelming

especially when oikawa seemed to call out to you all the time now

as you were walking down the stairs, hed see you and he’d shout and wave to you

‘m/n-chan! hiii!!!!’

his loud voice would make everyone turn and look at you and you dont do well with public attention so you turn red and you glare at him

‘shut the hell up, idiot. and dont call me by my first name. we’re not friends’

you turned to walk in the classroom but you looked at him again after taking a few steps

there he was

smiling and giggling with those girls

all he does is smile and giggle and shit

its so damn fake that you cant believe everyone fell for it and the worst thing is oikawa’s doing it to get everyone’s acceptance and validication

it was pathetic and disgusting

poor oikawa :(

now on to baby flatttykawa side,

he was kinda hurt by that

like how the heck are you not friends when youve been going to high school for 3 years?

sure, its only been casual greetings and him waving at you when yall made eye contact

but its still something, right?

right?

when you walked back into the classroom, tooru cant help but feel down at the declaration of the lack of friendship you had

his form slouched and his eyes trailed down but the voice of some girl brought him back to where he was and to fix his attitude

‘oikawa-san? are you okay?’

the others muttered in concern with her but they were eased when he raised a peace sign with the signature smile 

‘yep! all good!’

GOD I REALLY CANT STAND IT WHEN HE USES A FACADE TO EVERYONE BUT LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BC HES SUCH A STRONG CHARACTER THAT DOESNT BREAK AND HES SO INSECURE AND IT PAINS ME SO MUCH THAT HE FEELS THE NEED TO HIDE BEHIND A MASK EVERYDAY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

truth be told,

oikawa has always noticed you

not only do you work at the one bakery with his milk bread but you also work at the convenience store that the team sometimes visits

then he also noticed you picking up your brother from the volleyball practice that takeru’s part of and he cant help but frown at the eyebags under your eyes that he always sees

he lies awake at night just thinking how you would look without those eyebags, without the sickly looking complexion, or even just the lack of life in your eyes

then during class, you sat by the window

tooru knows this bc his eyes always fixes itself on you whenever he opens that door and he has to hold in the need to hug you when he sees you sleeping on your desk

others might call you lazy

others might call you a video game all nighter kid

but they dont notice the things you do

the nervous habits hes seen from you at the times that tooru couldnt help but stare

he knew it was creepy to do it

but you were so silent

you blended yourself into the background and you made sure to stay there 

thats why nobody knows anything about you

with good looks like yours and a smart brain (he knew this from mattsun and makki being your students), why exactly were you not known?

maybe thats why it drew you to him

all his life he chased, 

but now hes the one chasing?

tooru knows that your left eyebrow lifts when sensei writes something you dont understands

tooru knows that you like to do sudoku in the convenience store while you worked

tooru knows you eat the same meal during lunch every day from the same lunchbox

and he also knows that your brother talks so highly about you from takeru

the little things your brother brags about like your ability to cook f/f or your weird ability to just assemble something without looking at the instruction manual

he notices and knows all these things about you

things that people never really even bothered to 

oikawa didnt even know he liked you until iwaizumi pointed it out during lunch

the third years liked to go and eat at the rooftop where it was nice and windy

oikawa was sitting and leaned against the tall wire fence, his eyes fixated on you down below on the bench as you ate your lunch

then you accidentally loosened the chopsticks causing your food to slip off

that made oikawa giggle

he was chuckling and giggling that the others noticed him when he suddenly went quiet

‘oi, oikawa’

makki nudged him back to them and tooru flinched before smiling at them

‘hm? so you do notice me!’

iwa glared

‘idiot. of course we do. youre laughing over there like some damn schoolgirl. did one of your fangirls posses you or something? if not, cut it out. its ugly’

oikawa shot him an offended look

‘what?! iwa-chan so mean!’

mattsun took the liberty to peer over the edge to see what he was looking at and smirked

‘eh? were you looking at l/n-sensei?’

oikawa blushed, feeling like he just got caught doing something bad

‘and what about it? im looking at you too, right now, mattsun!’

makki cackled at oikawa’s poor attempt of reasoning

‘i mean, i dont blame you. if issei wasnt here, id definitely get with him’

SEDKLFJSDLFISDKFJ MATTSUHANA YALL :”)

oikawa’s eyes wandered back down to you and he noticed you put the bento box to the side before sneezing

‘gosh, even his sneeze is cute’

he mumbled then jolted when he heard his own words 

iwa sighed

‘what are we going to do with you, shittykawa?’

‘what?! what did i do?!’

iwa’s eyes scrunched and he scrutinized his best friend

‘boke. i feel bad for that kid, doesnt know this stupid idiot likes him’

so thats how oikawa came to terms of it

he thought he was just interested and fascinated with you but he really does like you

and to be honest, he doesnt really want you to know that bc duh, you dont like him so why bother?

baby oiks doesnt interact with you much anymore bc he knows you get uncomfy with attention but he still does look out for you and decides he should just admire from afar

he will live every day just holding his feelings in for you and one day they will disappear

but today just wasnt the day

maybe today was the start of the worst yet the best part of your life

last night was particularly rough as the convenience store you worked in had a drunk person who wanted to fight with you and your manager had to call the police and it was just a mess

to add on to it, midterms were around the corner-like next week- so you were studying up for that

but your sister got sick so you were also trying to take care of her and making sure her fever was going down and her crying ever few hours about her tummy ache didnt allow you to sleep

hehehe single parent working late tingz

ALSO SHE DOESNT HAVE MISS RONA JFC

so yep haha you did NOT get any sleep

so you walked into school that morning, looking tired as hell and mad as hell but you just wanted to sleep bro

the one kid you tutor, matsukawa issei, and his friend who usually tags along, hanamaki takahiro, noticed you dazedly pass them in the hallway and poor dudes felt bad for you

mattsun actually pays you to tutor him bc he knows you need the money while taka preferred to buy you snacks and drinks as compensation

so it was normal that he had an energy drink in his bag that he was going to give you tomorrow during your tutoring day

‘oi! l/n!’

your head perked up at the call of your name and you nodded in greeting at the light brown haired boy

‘hey’

you muttered and mattsun placed his hands on your shoulder to keep you upright

‘oi, l/n, you sure you want to be here? you can go home and we can tell them youre sick or some-’

but you waved your hand

‘nonono todays an important lecture so i cant miss it’

the two guys didnt look convinced but they respected your need to be in school since they too need to be in class for midterms

‘here. at least take this’

makki placed a drink on your hand and you nodded and gave them a small smile

‘thanks’

you mumbled before wandering off

once they saw you at a distance away, makki wrapped an arm around issei to get his attention

‘ya think we should tell oikawa to keep an eye on him? make sure he doesnt keel over and die or somethin?’

mattsun stopped before nodding

‘yea thats a good idea’

SKLFJLSDKJFD NOT MATTSUHANA BEING YOUR PARENTS

oikawa was already in class when you walked in and he cant help but tear his eyes away from the girls to you as you sluggishly walked to your seat

the drop of your bag and the thud of your head meeting the desk made him worried bc you looked worse than usual

his phone buzzed and he checked it to see a message from mattsun

‘keep an eye out for your boyfriend. mightve been working late last night and yanno how he is. just watch out if he faints or something’

okay that made him super worried

totally ignoring what mattsun called you, oikawa knew he needed to talk to you

but these fangirls were the first problem

he shut his phone off and looked up at them with a grin that made them madly blush

‘ladies, class is about to start. oikawa-senpai would hate for you to be marked. so study hard for me, okay?’

like hypnotized cult members, the girls ran to their classrooms and tooru finally had the opportunity to talk to you

he stood up and walked over to your seat

‘m/n-chan’

he called out, looking down at you

‘m/n-chan’

he tried again and was about to put a hand on your shoulder when your hand snatched it

‘dont touch me, oikawa’

you grumbled and tooru furrowed his eyebrows

‘m/n-chan, i just wanted to ask if youre okay’

he whined and you didnt bother to look up but just let go of his hand

‘i was until you came over, idiot’

ouch

tooru was thankful that the teacher came in then and there bc he didnt know how to respond to that

he wanted to brush it off but it hurt him a little

and he knows he shouldnt entertain his crush on you but he couldnt looking at you and watching as you got up to use the bathroom 

as class went on, oikawa was starting to worry

now again, hes no stalker bc his observation skills were just phenomenal due to volleyball

so he noticed that youve been in the bathroom for like 20 minutes now

DONT JUDGE US, OIKAWA. WE’RE JUST TRYING TO PUSH OUT THE BIG PIECE OF-

okay nevermind

anyways

tooru, worried that something happened, raised his hand to go and use the bathroom and the sensei wasnt exactly paying attention so he just let him go

thank god he has long legs bc he was able to reach the bathroom quick and he stifled a shriek when he saw your passed out form inside

‘M/N-CHAN!’

he yelled and he cursed when duh you were alone and who knows how long youve been there

and ew bathroom floors is bleh

you were in no way light but you werent exactly heavy either so he was able to muster up all his strength and hoisted you on his back

tooru’s heart thrummed in his chest and he knew it couldnt be that serious but he cant help but think of the worst

and yep

the nurse just told him that your heartbeat was okay and you were snoring so you mustve been exhausted by the dark circles in your eyes

‘keep an eye on him for me. i have to tend to midoriya over there. the kid broke his arm again and i dont know how’

she grumbled at the end but tooru didnt care as he sat on the chair next to your bed

he sighed before laying his head on the cot by your hand

his eyes settled on your face and how peaceful it looked

gosh, you really were so cute

your personality just sucked ass

constantly telling him to shut up and calling him idiot

hmph

not long after oikawa fell asleep, you woke up and cursed, immediately realizing you fainted and you missed class

as you were going to rub your eye, there was weight on your hand and you looked down to see a head full of brown hair that could only belong to a certain someone

a certain idiot

‘oi. oikawa, wake up’

you shook his head and when he didnt budge, you just pulled your hand from under him making him jump awake

at first, he was confused

looking around like a lost puppy and his eyes bleary

yea it was cute and what about it

then he noticed you sitting up and he smiled

‘you feeling better, m/n-chan?’

he asked, leaning close 

but you placed your hand on his face to push him away

‘yea. and stop leaning so close, idiot’

you grumbled and he whined

‘youre so mean, m/n-chan! i was so worried about you!’

he complained and you rolled your eyes

‘i didnt ask you to be, idiot’

SLDKFJSDLKFJKL M/N IS SO MEAN WHAT THE FAK

oikawa frowned

‘i cant help it. i like you, m/n-chan’

you froze, looking at him with scrunched eyebrows

then you chuckled dryly

‘yea, okay sure. im okay now so you can go to class’

wOW OIKAWA DESERVES BETTER WHAT

tooru was taken aback

‘wh-what? thats it? after i just told you that i liked you?’

you blinked at him

‘what do you want me to say about that, oikawa? how do you want me to react? im not like your fangirls, squealing and shit’

your words cut deep in him and oikawa held your arm

‘no wait a minute. what do you mean by that? do you not believe me?’

‘who the hell believes something that’s fake?’

there was a snip in your tone and oikawa knew you were talking about this facade of his

‘what? i-’

‘you think i believe you? you telling me you like me? do you even know who you are?’

you asked and tooru sniffled, eyes staring at your chest

‘for years, you told people what you wanted them to hear, regardless if you meant them or not. not once have you ever told them no. who the hell accepts chocolates when they dont even like them to begin with?’

at that last part, oikawa snapped up to meet your eyes

‘how did you know’

you rolled your eyes

‘our brothers are friends, idiot. he gave him some of the chocolates you gave to takeru since the brat couldnt eat them all’

oddly, that brought some warmth in tooru’s chest

so he wasnt the only one who knows the stupid stuff

but you continued on your rant

‘for a guy who doesnt like sweet stuff, youve accepted their nasty treats all the time, like why? oh, wait i know why, because you want them to like you. it doesnt matter if-if this-this persona of yours isnt real because as long as they like you, you dont give a fuck. isn’t that true? am i right? because please, prove me wrong’

maybe your dislike for him came out at that tangent and you half expected him to cry but you were surprised when he glared at you with teary eyes

‘i will. ill prove you wrong, m/n, that i do like you and i will make you like me. ill make you like me with the real me. i swear.’

‘mhm. okay. sure, oikawa’

do you regret it?

i mean,,,

kinda?

but not really?

because you loved watching the girls faces fall when oikawa rejected their treats the next day

you were walking to class when you noticed him with his cult by the entrance and you saw him smiling at some girl before gently pushing away a can of cookies

‘gomen. i actually dont like sweets that much anymore. if you want, you can give me milk bread?’

you stopped and oikawa caught your eye and he grinned

you nodded in greeting before continuing to walk

but he noticed a small smile on your face and gosh oikawa sighed like a lovesick fool

it took iwaizumi to finally send him back and his fangirls were looking at him worriedly

‘could you be less obvious, shittykawa?’

rip iwaizumi hajime in episode 546546546 of daily adventures of oikawa tooru

you noticed that oikawa has started to become distant with his fangirls and hes been sticking to you during lunch, leaving behind the others

makki and mattsun looked like proud parents as they peered down over to you flicking oikawa’s forehead and they smiled

‘god, that kid deserves this’

‘hah? that sounds like more of a punishment to me. but i dont care. it takes him off our hands for a while’

IWA I SWEAR HES SO MEAN BUT HE STILL WUVS TOORU SO ITS OKAY

oikawa would pick your brother up and take him home when youre too busy to go get him yourself and sometimes, he even takes your little sister too which causes them to have a mini sleepover and you sleep there too

also, whenever youre working in the convenience store, tooru would buy sandwhiches and a drink just for you so you can eat them while youre on break and not have to waste money and you told himyou dont want him spending money on you but he doesnt wanna hear it

‘i dont want you buying me-’

‘ssshhhh dont. im doing this because i want to and becaus i care for you, m/n-chan’

overtime, 

yea

sure

youve started to like him

youve started looking forward to seeing his stupidly cute face and his stupidly cute giggle

you went to his games and gave him a tight hug when hes about to play as a ritual for good luck and you would open your arms for him wide whenever he wins

then he didnt

against shiratorizawa, you noticed how he was so disappointed

even as you walked home with him, he continued to smile and tell you how good his team played

until you couldnt take it anymore

you pulled him over to some alleyway and you pushed him to the wall

DSKLFJLSDKFJLSDFJ WOW WHAT

oikawa nervously fiddled with his jacket and gave you a shaky smile

‘m/n-chan, what are you-’

‘tell me what youre feeling right here, right now. no bullshit, no lies, tell me everything in that pretty head of yours’

you deadpanned and tooru looked away

‘im fine’

‘are you lying to me, tooru?’

your voice was even but he could tell you were serious

he gulped before taking in a shakey breath

‘im fine. so stop asking about it!’

he exclaimed and you sighed

‘listen, i know its not official yet but you want me to be your boyfriend right?’

tooru flinched before he flushed at the word ‘boyfriend’ 

then he nodded

‘as your boyfriend, you have to lean on me, tooru. i dont want you to hold it to yourself because i wanna be there for you and i want to go through everything with you because i,,,,,’

you stopped and hesitated, debating if you should say it or not

‘because i like you, idiot’

you confessed and swallowed thickly

oikawa met your eye and his eyes watered

‘im so angry! im so disappointed! but i know my team did their 110 percent! we’re just not strong enough! so its not their fault! but ushijima is such a freak and hes too strong and its not fair!’

he complained and he cried loudly

not once in the 3 years of knowing oikawa have you seen him cry and you were so proud of him for being able to trust you enough to show him being vulnerable

you rushed forward held him close to your chest

‘for what it’s worth, you looked so incredibly hot and cute playing’

you whispered and pecked his neck 

of course oikawa couldnt hold his surprise at the feeling of your lips on his neck so he squealed a little

you gigled and continued holding your boyfriend close, even if it was at some nasty alleyway

yall became official and ngl, they didnt see this coming

some nobody dating the grand king oikawa tooru?

what in the wattpad?

yall know that tiktok of like ‘guys you cant dm me anymore. i have a girlfriend now. what else? and i love her’

IF YALL DONT KNOW IM SORRY

but you totally made oikawa tell his fangirls that

YOU KNOW THE FUNNY THING?

when yall became official, you actually gained your own little fanclub

maybe its because you gained clout from your boyfriend but they started noticing you and wowza you were hot

before, it was you getting jealous over tooru but now, it was him getting possessive of you

hes such a brat that he sits on your lap before class and youre just all smirking and feeling all good bc your baby is so cute when hes jealous

YOU CANT DISAGREE THAT HE DOESNT RADIATE UKE ENERGY

but all oiks has to do is pull down your collar and expose your purple littered collarbones and they will know who you belong to

theres a reason why iwa-chan is now the kids babysitter

youre still kinda cold and distant to people but youre soft for your baby and you always hold him close when hes in sight and you just cant get enough of him

:’)

also!! 

your sister loves dressing you up and oikawa has his sisters makeup and they both do your makeup and you guys have tea party with the boys and just the cutest domestic stuff

you still call him idiot though

but like affectionately yanno?

and over the years youve turned it down to dummy

and ngl tooru loves it when you call him that

what in the dumbification-

because he knows that equivalent to babe from you and he absolutely just loves you lmao

youre def the more quieter and calmer one in the relationship like you absolutely dont react much

while tooru is the overreactor and hes very animated with his facial expressions and stuff

like the one time

he was cooking some chicken pasta and you cheekily grabbed a piece of chicken and he made a dramatic gasp

‘*le gasp* oikawa m/n how dare steal a piece of chicken!’

you cackled before crossing your arms at the sight ofyour lover with his pursed lips and hands on his hips

‘excuse you. its more of you who’d take my last name’

it was so easy to make him flustered and tooru quickly turned around to tend back to the food but he was really just hiding his red face

‘b-baka. thats not going to happen’

‘not if i do it first’

you shrugged and smirked, wondering if he will fall for it

and as expected with oikawa tooru

‘yea okay sure’

‘i will!’

‘prove me wrong, m/n-chan~’

‘turn around right now’

oikawa rolled his eyes playfully before turning with a smile

‘what are you-*le gasp part 2*’

his hands covered his mouth at the sight of you there in front of him, kneeling on your knee tightly clutching a silver ring between your thumb and index finger

your heart was thrumming in your chest but you gulped and smiled

‘i win. now marry me, dummy’

oikawa screamed

a/n: sorry if this sucked booty :((( but i just really like the thought of uke oikawa and just him with a cute boyfriend for a change like please we all know oikawa is a bi king and thats on docosahexaenoic acid

[more-fandoms-than-braincells]

 I wrote this based off this post by @incorrectspnforfun 

sorry this kinda sucks ngl

I apologize in advance for the mistakes i wrote this in the notes app at one in the morning

A typical Friday night at the bunker usually called for some sort of movie, whether that be Star Trek or Lord of the Rings (Cas always agreed with Dean’s suggestions, much to Sam’s displeasure), and a few beers to “take the edge off” as Dean put it.

Halfway through The Princess Bride (Cas’s choice), Sam rolled his eyes, sighed, and mentioned something about giving him half an hour to find something more entertaining than this.

“C’mon Sam it’s a classic!” Dean protested, “Cas back me up here!”

“Sure Dean,” Castiel murmured lazily, not taking his eyes off the screen. He was doing the little head tilt thing Dean loved. Not that Dean would ever admit that out loud.

Dean put his feet up on Sam’s spot and put his head on Cas’s shoulder. Cas smiled and leaned sideways onto his friend. 

Cas and Dean were over halfway through the movie when Sam came back carrying a thin white box in his hands. He saw the pair snuggled up on the couch and sighed.

He faked a cough and waited for a reaction.

Neither one of them turned around, still leaning on each other and watching Inigo Montoya pledge to kill his father’s murderer.

Sam walked over, grabbed the remote, and pressed pause.

“Hey! We were watching that!” Dean objected.

Sam gave his brother his best bitchface and turned the television all the way off right before putting the remote on the tv stand.

Cas realized how close he was to his friend and stood up a little too quickly. Dean furrowed his eyebrows but said nothing, wondering if he did something wrong. Sam rolled his eyes again.

Noticing the silence, Sam held up the box and said, “I got Twister if you lovebirds want to play. Figured it would be more entertaining than the movie.”

“Sam, Dean and I are not birds nor a couple,” Cas told him.

“You have no appreciation for the classics, Sammy,” Dean sighed. He stood up though, so Sam counted that as a win.

“How do we play, Sam?” Castiel asked.

Sam opened the box and handed Cas the rules and instructions packet while he gestured for Dean to help him unfold the mat. Once they got the mat set out and somewhat straight, Sam took the spinner and announced he would call out the directions first.

He then proceeded to point at their feet and say, “Shoes off. They’ll ruin the mat.” Both of them bent down and removed their shoes with only the minimum amount of complaining, mostly from Dean.

“Okay. Ummm. Let’s start. So Cas, stand on that side, and um, Dean stand on that side,” Sam directed.

Dean’s eyes met Castiel’s steady gaze, then both of them quickly looked away and blushed.

Sam apparently didn’t notice the tension, because he took a deep breath and called out, “Dean, left foot green.”

After plenty more turns, it was getting harder to keep up off the ground.

“Hey Sammy, I think it’s about time to switch the caller don’t you think?” Dean uttered.

“That’s not how the game works, dumbass. I keep calling until one of you falls,” Sam grinned.

“Lovely,” Dean grunted.

The two friends were getting closer and closer together, and it was getting harder and harder to keep from touching each other.

“Personal space, Dean,” Castiel through a smile.

“So you do understand sarcasm,” Dean teased.

Sam snorted and called out, “Cas, right hand red.” Castiel looked at his hands and feet for a second, rotated his left hand, and flipped over to get his hand on red. Right on top of Dean. Meanwhile, Sam was covering his mouth to try and stifle his laughter.

Dean groaned. “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you.”

Sam wasn’t even trying to hide his laughter at this point. “Dude I stopped spinning fifteen turns ago. I can’t believe it took you this long to figure it out.”

Dean glared and tried to slide out from under Cas, but he knocked into his leg, causing the angel to fall right on top of him. Sam was full on wheezing with laughter and he ran to grab his phone before the two could untangle themselves. 

Dean and Cas were trying to get up off the mat then Cas threw his head back and laughed. 

“What’s so funny Cassie?” Dean chuckled, “Are you ticklish?”

Cas frowned, and simply said, “I am nothing of the sort. You just look funny when you’re frustrated,” Cas blushed, “In a cute sort-a-way, I mean.”

Both of them were red up to their ears when Dean jumped up. “Uhhh. Thanks I guess. You too.”

“Can you please help me up?” Castiel asked.

“As you wish,” Dean smiled. He offered a hand and helped pull Cas up off the ground. Dean could have sworn he felt a spark travel up his arm. Not a painful one. Just a soft spark to start a soft flame.

Cas felt his grace react to Dean’s touch. Nothing big, like the lights blowing out, but a flicker of a lightbulb turning on. Something new and bright. The angel brushed it off though, because if Dean felt it, he didn’t show it.

“So you were paying attention to the movie,” Cas teased. They were barely inches apart, but the tension in the air ran for miles.

Dean rocked back and forth on his feet. “Yup,” he said, popping the p, “You know me.” 

Cas didn’t know what to do, and he wasn’t really thinking at this point, so he did the first thing he wanted to. He leaned in and kissed Dean. 

It was only a little peck on the lips, barely enough to rival two middle schoolers feeling rebellious. A kiss that would make it feel like the feeling would last for forever. Like they already knew what love was. Life was perfect behind the swingset for two kids, but for an angel and The Righteous Man, the world was perfect in that one little moment. A small little peck on the lips that made Dean fall in love all over again.

“So-sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” Cas mumbled, averting his eyes. Before Dean knew what he was doing he kissed Cas. 

Castiel, the angel he had been in love with since what felt like forever. Castiel, the angel who had fallen for him, in more ways than one. The angel who had died for him. The angel he would die for. The angel he would kill for. The angel, he decided, he would live for. 

At that moment the world stopped. Fuck the world anyway. What could it offer when all it does it take? But that moment wasn’t about the world or what they could get from it. It was about the two of them finding out the love they could give each other. Not to the world. Each other. It was about broken pieces finally sliding into place. And it was so fucking beautiful.

This time it wasn’t a quick 15-year-olds-spinning-the-bottle type of kiss. It was a real kiss, gentle, and sweet, and oh-so-fucking-perfect. Dean pulled away and shook his head. “Is-is this okay?” he blurted out.

“Dean?” He paused, “Could you do that again?” Cas asked.

“As you wish,” He said, and leaned in for another kiss.

When Sam finally found his phone (he left it in the car) and came back into the room, he took one look at them making out in the corner and whispered to himself, “Fucking finally.” 

[becksfm]

hey CASEY “BECK” BECKHAM , welcome to dillon university . has anyone ever told you you’re GAVIN LEATHERWOOD’s twin ? no ? well okay , i heard you are TWENTY - TWO & a JUNIOR at the university . we hope BIOCHEMISTRY isn’t kicking your ass too much , especially since you’re a STUDENT PHYSICAL TRAINER . see you at the next game, BECK & character’s cismale + he/him . 

it’s me & i’m here for round fuckin’ two , friends . this time i bring you resident GOLDEN BOY . . . a whole 6′1 of soft boy energy . . . floppy overgrown curls . . . king of talking - your - way - out - of - everything . . . retired hockey player . . . a man of Many Talents , of which the most astounding is his ability to look like he’s got it all together when , in fact , he does not ! under the cut , you’ll find a lil more about him . . . & if you wanna plot hmu @ 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣#9956 on discord or pop into my ims here !! 

𝑩 𝑨 𝑪 𝑲 𝑮 𝑹 𝑶 𝑼 𝑵 𝑫 .

dillon , texas born & raised . on the outskirts of town is a ranch that is enough to house the beckham family: mom, dad, and all eight beckham children . beck is the second oldest , with one older sister , four younger sisters , and two younger brothers . . . not necessarily in that order . 

mother , sophia mattheson - beckham is a lawyer based in austin working with the ACLU , and father , michael beckham has a small private practice in dillon working as a pediatrician . they weren’t home often , but when they were , they spent as much time with the kiddos as possible . it’s just . . . they were so rarely home that it really didn’t matter. 

with the beckham name, though, comes the pressure to be SOMETHING GREAT , and that’s something that’s been a part of beck’s life since . . . he can remember . little league & kindergarten grades were always taken a little too seriously , and it didn’t help that his older sister was a shining example of perfection . 

growing up it was hard not to like him. he was quiet for the most part , but goofy when he wasn’t . there was a little extra charm about him that just gave him an all around magnetic pull . kids wanted to be his friend and he wanted to be theirs . he fit in , but around home , he was the odd man out . beck was always a little more interested in sports rather than math or music rather than reading . it wasn’t to say he wasn’t smart , it just kind of –– bored him?? where his family was v

there was give and take with beck–– the golden boy of dillon but the black sheep of the family . he could play hockey if he kept his grades up. he could take guitar if he was also on student government and model u.n.. his parents would applaud him on his grades but never cared to hear him play; they’d show up for debates but rarely ever saw a hockey game. it was touch and go, his relationship with them, and it still is.

DESPITE IT ALL though, you wouldn’t catch him complaining. he bore the crown of homecoming king his senior year and never went to a dance without a date. teachers loved him, so did his coaches. he found a best friend in one cameron sloane –– ( because of course he did ) –– when the sloanes moved to dillon , and they were an unstoppable kind’a duo on and off the ice.

when it came time to pick a college, he really . . . had his pick of the lot. coulda gone anywhere, but there were roughly six reasons , all with the same last name , that kept him close to home. his parents even agreed that if he went in as pre-med, they would pay for the whole thing . . . and even make time to watch him play hockey. 

things were good for a long while, until they weren’t. you can usually see the stars on the outskirts of dillon, but one night, his sophomore year, you couldn’t. storm clouds covered ‘em up, and he tried his damndest to get cameron to stick around a celebratory party until it passed, but sloanes are stubborn and there was no changing his mind. 

cam passing away was like losing a brother, and he spent countless hours pacing in a hospital waiting room . . . hoping for good news and never getting it. beck had never known loss like that, and it knocked him into a bit of a tailspin . he quit hockey and didn’t register for school the next year . he spent a lot of time at a family residence in austin and even more time drinking . for the most part . . . he kind of DISAPPEARED , losing himself in the process for a good nine months.

they say it takes a village to raise a kid, and it took a village to drag this one out of a spiral. his parents. his siblings. his friends. and eventually . . .  dillon’s football coaching staff. a loud knock on the door from coach buchanan and a swift kick in the ass from coach sloane, a man who knew the kid almost as well as he’d known his own son. come work for us, they told him . . . and it was a way to get him back on track under a watchful eye that. wasn’t quite as critical as his parents

so that’s where we are now . . . back at dillon, a year behind, and working with both the football and cheerleading team as a physical trainer, playing a heavy hand in making sure both teams are the best conditioned in the state of texas. his grades are looking up, and he’s still on the fast track for med school, much to his –– and his parents’s –– surprise. 

the beckhams don’t talk about his little stint of a spiral. no one in dillon does . . . unless in tones of hushed whispers alongside judgmental looks. beck doesn’t mind it too much ,though . . . even takes it as a challenge 

𝑷 𝑬 𝑹 𝑺 𝑶 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝑰 𝑻 𝒀 . ( i’m getting tired so this gon be ugly )

you want inspo?? i’ll give ya inspo!! richard campbell gansey the third ( dick 3 babiiiie ) is my main inspo for beck. you’ll also find a lil bit of jim halpert, a lil bit of rob maclanahan from miracle ( even tho he w as a real person too shhh ), and *insert big eyed emoji here* grizz from the society 

ever since he can remember, there’s been pressure on this kid to be something great . . . so he feels like if he has the capability to do something, he has to do it. . . there’s no choice in the matter. a lot of this stems. from his parents, but he’s also really just . . . overly critical of himself sometimes

boy is a fucking PARADOX okay bc sometimes . . . . with the way he talks. . . . he accidentally puts his damn foot in his mouth . he’s smart so occasionally comes off as condescending , but he’s . . . incredible in conversation with people he needs to impress because he’s hella charming

that said... this quote is REALLY important and REALLY summative of beck: “Gansey had always felt as if there were two of him: the Gansey who was in control, able to handle any situation, able to talk to anyone, and then, the other, more fragile Gansey, strung out and unsure, embarrassingly earnest, driven by naive longing.” –– let’s dive into that!! when he feels like he’s got a sense of control of the things around him, when he’s in his element or in his comfort zone, when he’s feeling confident , the boy is a force. he can talk you and anyone else out of any situation, and he has. he can make friends with anyone put in front of him, and he has. when beck is ON . . . he is on . . . but it’s a bit surface level because when he’s not wearing the crown of GOLDEN BOY and he’s . . . vulnerable . . . or unsure . . . or stressed . . . he tends to put that foot of his in his mouth and spit. out whatever it is he’s thinking. he’s honest to a fault in this sense, and he’s hopeful beyond compare. 

an introvert. . . . can CHARM u but doesn’t want to because honestly that is so draining and he’d much rather be at home. the popular type but only has a few friends that are really really close to him

loyal to a fault . . . will give you 392847 chances that you don’t deserve .. fool me once shame on you ! fool me twice shame on me! fool me three time what the fuck bro now ur just taking advantage of me 

very . .. calm and even tempered.  he’s a mediating type and like . . would rather find a conflict resolution than sWING u feel me

he’s cute.  .. . and. people love him but .  . . despite it all, he really doesn’t let that go to his head?? the boy was raised to believe you had to earn things and he’s just. idk . . .. humble king

eloquent as fuck ( lol good luck @ me writing that shit )

quick witted and very sharp

probably a lawful good type ngl :\

Does Not Do Well.With Change. when his older sister left dillon to go to notre dame??? boy damn near blew a gasket how dARE SHE go that far away!!! 

v close with his sibs . .. . activate Dad Mode. he loves all of them equally and definitely does not at all favor the 10 y/o baby brother of the family or his sister closest in age, who is also a student at dillon. doesn’t favor them ONE BIT 

u want a vibe for the beckhams??? “ the beckhams were courtiers and kings . when there was no castle to invite them, they built one” ( we stan ONE weird author lady named maggie)

insomnia!! the boy nEVER SLEEPS1! always thinking. always planning what’s next. gotta go gotta go gotta go.

kind of .. . a hopeless romantic :\ dated the same girl for most of high school but when she fucked off to ole miss she broke up with him in a text. so that .. . . . .. went well for him ..... still a dumb bitch tho and would love to hold ur hand

wire rimmed glasses, wool sweaters, light colored hoodies, distressed denim, cuffed pants, :\ chelsea boots :\

phobia of bees. there’s literally no reason for this other than my own, personal, geeked out pleasure

prank king

Smart Jock Type

plays guitar to relieve stress and you bet baby’s got some pipes here u go 

literally nothing like nicholas scratch DO NOT call him daddy

tall and doesn’t know what to do with all the extra limb like .  . . . . the fuck

will push you to your personal best in any conditioning circumstance

okay I THINK THAT’S ALL . . .. i’m a big fan of basic plots that kinda ebb and flow with chemistry BUT!! gimme the basics man . . . a roommate . . . a past hookup or two . . . some spicy friendships or . . . fRENEMIES even u know the drill

ok that’s all i hope u love him bc i am v nervous about playing A Man buT IT IS WHAT IT IS U KNOW

[adoremp3]

18. the one where suzy realises

Squeezing my eyes shut and leaning my head against the wall behind me, I let out a shaky sigh. “Please, Harry. Tell me what’s going on,” I begged. If I was there in person, I may even have gotten on my knees. “Just, I don’t know, be honest with me. I deserve that.”

“I agree that you deserve honesty, but I’m not the one who needs to be honest,” Harry told me straight. “Like I said, it’s not my place to tell, so you’ll have to speak to your, uh — you’ll have to speak to Jasper about that.”

Story Page // Chapter Index

Harry’s texts are bold, Suzy’s are italic.

www.tumblr.com/tagged/on+the+road+again

ummmmmmm where’s CLOUDS and STOCKHOLM SYNDROME??? what the fuck is this setlist??? i thought they were releasing the album just before they went on tour so they could slay us with these new songs

OKAY SO, I went to One Direction’s first show in Japan for OTRA and ngl I was a little disappointed… I saw them when they came here for TMH and their stage presence then was phenomenal, like you could see how close they really are—like actual five best friends. But after their show last night, it just wasn’t the same. I mean, they still seemed super close and all, but I reckon something has happened that’s caused a shift between them. I hate to say this guys, but maybe they’ve finally run their course :(

FORGET ABOUT THE SHIT SETLIST FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LETS FOCUS ON ZARRY!!!!!!!!!! DID Y’ALL SEE THEIR LIL WHISPERS IN THAT VIDEO FROM SOML IN SINGAPORE?????? ZARRY IS REAL

i love haryr soooooo much my precious child but he kinda looks sad a lot of the time :(((( especially during night changes in tokyo :((( why isn’t he happy MY BABY

Louis and Harry are barely speaking to each other on stage…. It’s obvious why Harry isn’t happy… Him and his boo had a fight… I wish I could cuddle him, then boop Harry and Louis’ heads together and promise them that everything is gonna be alright.

Wednesday, 18th of February, 2015

“And so, when I told him I was far too high to watch videos of him jerking off, it was kind of the end of my last relationship,” Naomi concluded, giving a sharp nod of her head. “If you could even call it that, actually. Didn’t even meet his friends. What a twat.”

In what seemed to be the most coincidental times of our lives, all four of us had troubles in our romantic lives. Mila was going back and forth with Professor Hopkins, Naomi had slapped a guy in the face earlier in the day for trying to hit on her at the gym, Violet was bummed because Since Seventeen had been going crazy with extra band related things lately, and I was, well, I was trying to ignore every gossip magazine I walked past, just in case I saw the face of someone I barely even said boo to in the past couple of weeks.

So, of course, in a split second decision of needing a break in our messy lives and wanting a bit of extra fun on a boring Wednesday night, we cracked open a few bottles of wine and let the gossiping begin. As soon as our heads started to feel fuzzy and the alcohol was well and truly taking over our bodies, our voices only became louder and the stories told had lost their PG-rating a bottle and a half ago.

“Sounds like a right douche,” Violet agreed with Naomi, leaning on the bench as she sipped her wine. “I mean, there’s a time and place for watching a guy wank, and I’m sure hangin’ with friends, high as fuck, was not that time.”

Naomi shook her head, almost spilling the wine in her glass from the force. “Nope, not one bit! Bloody straight people.” She let out a loud sigh, then took another swig of her wine before pouring herself another glass. “Who needs a another drink?”

“Me, me, me!” Mila shoved her glass towards Naomi, who frowned for only a split second before she tipped the bottle to pour some more into Mila’s glass. “By the way, watching a guy get himself off in person is so totally hot.”

Now I was the one frowning. “Why on earth would a guy get himself off while you’re there, and perfectly able to help?”

“Oh, Suzy. Oh, my darling, precious Suzy.” Mila pouted her lips and placed a gentle hand on my upper arm. “I forgot you and Jasper aren’t so adventurous.” I continued to crease my eyebrows as I frowned harder, and regretted everything I had told her in the past about Jasper and my sexual endeavours. “The guy gets himself off, or at least works up to it, and I’ll do the same to myself. Pierce and I have done it many times.”

“Mmm!” Violet mumbled with her glass still in her mouth, and as she gulped it down, she continued. “Done it many times with Bodhi, actually. Makes the sex even better when we’re finally able to touch one another.”

“Seeing each other in such a vulnerable position is something incredible,” Naomi said. “Kinda sucks when it’s over Skype or the phone, so doing it in person where the person is just out of your reach and you can hear the moans and groans and slapping of skin and… Oh god, I need sex. I miss sex. Someone find me some dick or vag. Actually, probably vag. It’s been a while, and I miss girls.”

All but Naomi burst into laughter at her pleas, until Mila sighed deeply and said, “Same, actually. I miss sex in general, I mean. Can’t say I’ve ever tried vag, but I do miss dick.”

I narrowed my eyes towards her. “Didn’t you only see the professor two days ago?”

“But that was two days ago,” Mila whined, even pouting her bottom lip out. “My vibrator is a wonderful decoy, but nothing beats Pierce’s hands or di—”

“Okay, that’s enough!” I interrupted her, not even wanting to hear her mention his private parts. I was still scarred from the time I saw his nudes on Mila’s phone. To be honest, it was not exactly something I would ever get over. It wasn’t often that I saw Professor Hopkin around campus, but on the off chance that I did, I could never, ever look him in the eye.

Mila chuckled to herself as she continued to sip on her wine, as well as flash me a cheeky wink. It made me jealous that she was well on her way to being drunk, yet still looked quite amazing and could pull off a cute wink and sip on her wine like she was absolute royalty. I kind of both loved and hated my best friend.

“What about when a guy wants to come on you?” Violet piped up, making the three of us shift our glances towards her. “Like, on your chest or whatever.”

“I don’t understand the logistics of that, so I’ve never done it,” Naomi responded.

Violet scrunched up her nose, as if memories came flooding back into her mind. “Bodhi loves coming on my tits,” she told us. “Says there’s something hot about his spunk on my boobs, and even though it makes zero sense to me, I do it because it makes him happy.”

“Ah, young love,” I cooed, pressing my hand to my heart. Violet rolled her eyes at me, then grabbed a small magnet from the fridge and threw it at me. I burst into a fit of laughter as I ducked, the magnet just missing me. “All right, calm down,” I said through laughter. “Can’t deny being in love, though. Bodhi seems to be quite the catch for you.”

“As Jasper is to you?” Naomi questioned, while Mila’s snickers could be heard from beside me. I grit my teeth together and tried not to let it get to me. She had never been one to keep quiet about what she truly thought of Jasper, which did get to me at times. I was slowly learning to just let it go, though.

Slowly, I nodded my head as I thought about my answer. Jasper might not have treated me like I deserved to be treated in the past, but since we got back together, he had been giving me the respect that I deserved. It had only been a couple of weeks, yet he had already taken me out for dinner and movie dates a few times. He had also spent a lot of his time at Unity Hall with me, walked me to and from classes, left me roses or chocolates on my bed, and gave me many, many kisses, followed by the three words I strived to hear the most.

“Yeah,” I eventually said, cheeks flushing pink. “Jasper is quite the catch.”

As the night went on, conversations continued to flow about our respective partners — or possible suitors, on Naomi’s part — and our sex lives, until Violet decided the talk of sex was too much and she needed to go find Bodhi. She didn’t care if she had to pay for an Uber, Little Violet — her words, not mine — was in need of Bodhi and his wondrous touch. Naomi, who had more wine than the rest of us, decided to call it a night when she almost passed out across the kitchen sink, which only left Mila and I up to our own devices.

“Hey, Suzy?” Mila spoke up after what seemed to be forever. We somehow ended up lying on the carpet beside one another, not moving or saying anything for quite some time.

“Mmm?” I hummed, rolling my head to the side to meet her almost worried expression.

Her lips were pressed together as she eyed my every move, until she swivelled onto her side, resting up onto her elbow. “I was only kidding about what I said earlier, y’know. About you and Jasper being adventurous sexually, I mean,” she explained. “Like, yeah, okay, you’ve told me all about some sexcapades the two of you’ve gotten up to before, and, well, I’ve been a weenie bit jealous.”

Being jealous of Mila Jenner was almost a daily experience for me, yet hearing her being jealous of me? That was an entirely new concept. “Jealous of me?” My lips parted in surprise as I spluttered out the words, not sure if I had heard the right thing. “Trust me, there’s nothing to be jealous of.”

“Look, Suzy,” she began, giving me a look that informed me not to give her shit. She was being completely serious. “I know I act like a shit friend sometimes when it comes to Jasper, but that’s ‘cause I’m really not a shit friend and just looking out for you.”

“It’s okay, really.” I forced out a smile and placed my hand on her arm, giving off a warm and friendly vibe. “It’s just that, yeah, okay, sometimes it does hurt a bit to hear you speak about my boyfriend the way you do, but I totally get it. You really do care about me and want the best for me. I do the exact same thing with Professor Hopkin. It’s just what best friends do.”

Mila scrunched up her nose and shrugged. “Pierce is a bit of a twat, though.”

“Not even going to deny that one.”

“Thanks,” Mila said with a playful laugh. “But really,” she went on, sighing deeply, “sometimes I just want a proper relationship, y’know? I want a boyfriend to do cute boyfriend things with. Minus all the bad things that make you sad, I am definitely jealous of what you have with Jasper. He’s been super lovely to you lately, and it’s just — Pierce needs to step up his game.”

“C’mon, Mila!” I tapped her arm in a joking manner, an attempt of slapping the ridiculous thoughts from her mind. Whenever Mila was bummed over Professor Hopkin, so was I. It was yet another one of our best friend tendencies, because I loved the girl to the moon and back, and it pained me to see her in such a mess. “Surely he’s done something nice for you!”

Mila smacked her lips together and shook her head. “Unless sharing a bottle of champagne in the hotel suite counts, then I cannot think of anything.”

“Maybe I need to give him a stern talking to.”

“I would very much appreciate that,” Mila said with a laugh. “Or maybe get Jasper to, ‘cause the reason the two of you got together in the first place was after some romantic gesture, yeah?”

At the quick mention of Jasper and I in the beginning, my mind went back to when we were young and still in Holmes Chapel, and how much easier our lives were back then — when our biggest worries involved getting to school on time or when the petals on a flower depicted if someone loved us or not. God, if only I knew what the future would bring.

“Ah, yes!” I held up one finger as I remembered the small gesture Jasper pulled all those years ago, while also rolling onto my side and resting on my elbow just like Mila had. “For a long time, I assumed Jasper was irritating and annoying, but turns out the boy had a secret crush on me! And all it took was something as simple as leaving a small balloon on my doorstep for me to realise that maybe he wasn’t so annoying after all.”

Mila creased her eyebrows together. “Oh, so like the red balloon Harry sent you a couple of weeks ago?”

“Yeah, actually, it was like that,” I replied.

“Huh, what a coincidence.” Mila’s eyes were filled with skepticism, much like mine were beginning to as it all began to make sense.

As I reminisced over the time near my fifteenth birthday, I specifically remembered finding a single red balloon left on my doorstep one Sunday afternoon. I was filled with confusion, and even more so when I read an attached note that read “I think you’re really cute, from a secret admirer.” It wasn’t until the following day when I brought it up with some old friends, ones who were much more confident than I was, and went around questioning people, that Jasper stood up and announced it was him. I was more surprised than ever to find it was him to have this secret crush on me, especially after how frustrated Jasper left me on most days, and somehow over time, it was the reason that brought us together. I often liked to say that it was that simple gesture that was the foundation of our entire relationship. Although, Jasper often tried to brush it off like it was nothing at all, and focused on the time we decided to become official.

It wasn’t until now as I was actually thinking about it, that I slowly began to piece together the similarities between the gifts Jasper gave me years ago and the one Harry gave me recently. Jasper had left a single red balloon on my doorstep with a note expressing his feelings, and Harry had sent the exact same thing to Unity Hall, expressing his gratitude of our connection from his birthday. Jasper had sent me the gift because he liked me, and while my heart raced at the possible reason why Harry also sent me a balloon, the question that remained on my lips the most was how Harry even knew about it. I mean, yeah, we shared some classes together in school and my friends could’ve asked him if he was the one who sent it before Jasper admitted it was him, but how would he have even remembered something like that from years ago? It didn’t make any sense to me.

But, if anything, I needed to get to the bottom of it.

It took me all of two seconds to jump up from the ground and stumble around the kitchen, until I found my phone on top of the fridge. I didn’t even question why it was there, because there was something much more important on my mind. Mila sat up abruptly at my sudden movements, continuously questioning “what the fuck” I was doing and how I could possibly move so fast, but I ignored her. I needed to get in contact with Harry.

I opened our message thread on my phone, revealing the handful of very brief conversations we had had since he left for Asia, and immediately began tapping away as I typed out a message. My vision was slightly blurred in the first place due to not wearing my contacts or glasses, and the alcohol didn’t help one bit, so it took a few corrections before my messages were deemed legible.

Harry, we need to talk.

I don’t know when you’re free to text me or whatever, and I apologise for being so sucky in that department lately, but there’s something I really need to talk to you about.

Thaaaanks :)

I knew it would only be early in the morning wherever Harry was, so I didn’t bother waiting for him to reply to me just yet, since he would no doubt still be fast asleep. Instead, I went to answer Mila’s almost interrogative questions about my behaviour, except we were both startled at the loud sounds of Naomi vomiting from her room. Naomi and alcohol never mixed well, so it was probably a given that this was going to happen.

“She’s all yours,” Mila instructed, gesturing towards Naomi’s room. “I had to clean her up last time, so please take one for the team and ensure that she’s not, y’know, choking on her own vomit or dying any time soon.”

I let out a loud sigh, then scrunched my nose up as I made my way to Naomi’s room, aware that my night had gone from fun and laughter, to something not so amusing. Between helping my ill friend and the thought of Harry sending me something with such a deep meaning behind it, I was probably going to end up right beside Naomi. It was kind of inevitable at this point.

Thursday, 19th of February, 2015

Hi Suzy. Didn’t get your messages until now because I was asleep. Let me know when you’re free and I’ll give you a call. H

Also, should I be worried? I feel like I should be worried.

Are you free yet? I am actually kind of worried.

Just realised you’re still probably asleep, so oops. Um, so text me when you’re awake.

Sorry for all the messages to wake up to.

It wasn’t the first time I had woken to a bunch of messages from someone, but waking to five from Harry was almost enough to warrant my heart to leap out my throat. Not a proper conversation had been exchanged even in text messages since before his birthday, let alone a friendly conversation in person (obviously conversing the day before he left for tour was anything but friendly), or even speaking on the phone. Yet, here I was, staring at a message from Harry, saying to let him know when I was free so he could give me a call. The entire situation made me so nervous, and I had put it down to having to confront the situation. Confrontation was never my strong suit.

A quick message in reply told Harry that I was awake and ready to talk, but a lack of reply from him informed me that he was obviously still busy. Nerves continued to kick in throughout the day as Harry and I kept missing each other, thanks to timezones and being busy when the other wasn’t. He had tour and band related things, and I had classes and assignments to do. It was quite a mess, however, it was early in the afternoon when Harry was finally able to call me.

Just walking into my hotel suite now. Am I able to call?

Yeah, now is fine

I threw clothes off my bed and onto the floor, while my heart pummeled in my chest. I scooted my arse across the bed and leant against the wall, letting out one final deep breath as my phone began to ring and Harry’s cheeky contact picture popped up on my screen.

“Hi Harry,” I said, answering my phone, thankfully without a stammer from my nerves.

“Suzy, hey.” A slight hesitancy was laced through his voice, which I totally understood. I would be hesitant to talk to me too if I was in his shoes. If there was any sentence in the English language that’s anxiety inducing, “we need to talk” would be top of the list.

I pressed my lips together and gulped, trying to formulate the words in my head of what I needed to say. I had tried over and over again throughout the day to decipher what was running through my mind, but nothing seemed to be making any sense to me. So, I decided to just be blunt about it.

“I know about the red balloon.”

A silence wavered between us, giving me almost enough time to rethink whether I even said anything or if I had somehow insulted him, until Harry finally spoke up. “What do you, um — what do you mean you know about it?”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” I sighed as another silence fell over us, almost as if Harry was gulping on the other end of the line, completely unsure on what to say. “Look, okay, I get that the red balloon is in reference to all those years ago in HC, but — but I don’t understand why you gave it to me Harry? It honestly doesn’t make sense.”

“Why not?” Harry pondered, and I imagined he creased his eyebrows with confusion. He did that a lot, I noticed. “It meant something all those years ago, and it means something now. What’s the difference?”

All day I had been trying to work out what this meant for Harry and I, what could have possibly been running through his mind when he decided to send me something of such great meaning. But as I sat on my bed now, phone pressed to my ear and listening to him defending himself, anger was beginning to find its way into my body. I couldn’t believe that after everything we had been through — everything I had put Harry through, really — he would take such a meaningful moment from my past and use it to his advantage. It was actually really rude, if you asked me.

“Because it’s bloody rude to be unoriginal and use someone else’s grand gesture for your own personal use!” I cried, even throwing my free hand into the air for good measure. “Jasper had given me a single, red balloon years ago to announce his feelings for me, yet here you are, sending me a similar gift for possibly a similar reason. It’s really kinda—”

“Suzy, no — no, don’t do this.” Harry cut me off mid-sentence, even though I still had a lot more to say, but it was the way my name fell from his laps that made my heart jolt in my chest. He had said my name many times, but hearing it now made me feel something inside that I really shouldn’t be feeling. “Please don’t be mad at me, Suzy. Please, please don’t. I — I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“How am I not supposed to be mad at you right now?” I asked, displaying the disbelief in my voice, as it was very much still in my mind. “You took a moment in my life that’s so personal and precious to me, and — and it’s got absolutely nothing to do with you!”

A low grumble erupted through the phone, making Harry’s frustration known to me. “I understand why you’re upset with me. Like, I completely get it, but you need to listen to me,” Harry said, irritation only becoming more and more apparent as bitterness was laced throughout his voice. “I thought maybe sending you the balloon might make you realise, I don’t know, or maybe start believing that I am the good guy, but — but clearly I was wrong.”

“What are you on about?” I asked. This phone call was a complete mix of confusion and frustration. I had gone in wanting answers, ended up accusing Harry for taking advantage of an important moment of my life, and somehow things had resulted in me apparently being in the wrong. Nothing made any sense to me.

“I’ve been quiet about this for long enough, Suzy, and I just can’t do it anymore,” Harry said, then let out a shaky breath. “Look, there’s something you really need to know, but it’s not my place to tell.” Before I could question what he meant, Harry quickly added, “You need to ask Jasper for the truth.”

My breath hitched at the mention of Jasper’s name, at the mention of some sort of hidden truth between Jasper and Harry. Of course I had been wondering for a long time why there was so much tension between them, and while Jasper always insinuated that Harry was just jealous, part of me always wondered if there was more to it. I always wanted to question further, except I knew that Jasper would shut me down and avoid the topic altogether. It was becoming clearer to me that there was a whole lot more to the picture that I couldn’t see.

“Jasper?” I questioned, my voice so small and quiet that I thought for a second maybe Harry hadn’t heard me, but his soft “mhmm” informed me he did. “What’s he got to do with it? What truth? What?” My head was spinning with what he could possibly be referring to, and all I wanted was answers. I needed so many answers.

“I can’t tell you.”

Squeezing my eyes shut and leaning my head against the wall behind me, I let out a shaky sigh. “Please, Harry. Tell me what’s going on,” I begged. If I was there in person, I may even have gotten on my knees. “Just, I don’t know, be honest with me. I deserve that.”

“I agree that you deserve honesty, but I’m not the one who needs to be honest,” Harry told me straight. “Like I said, it’s not my place to tell, so you’ll have to speak to your, uh — you’ll have to speak to Jasper about that.”

Harry clearly wasn’t about to give in to whatever it was he knew, and apparently my boyfriend wasn’t being honest, no matter how hard I tried to get him to spill. It was obvious that there was only one thing I needed to do, but with the way Harry was speaking, the way he was insinuating that Jasper hadn’t been honest with me about something so important, I felt my heart began to deflate inside my chest. It was only a small prick, but it was enough to warrant panic to take over and rethink everything between the two of us, trying to discover whatever it was he had been hiding from me.

“Are you sure you can’t tell me?” I tried one last time, even though I knew what the answer was going to be.

“I — I can’t, I’m sorry.” Harry’s voice was small and apologetic, which was nothing like I had heard before. “And I’m, uh — I just want you to know that -—that when you do find out, I am here for you, okay? It’s not going to be easy, because I understand how important to you the whole, uh — the whole thing is, but it’s about time you hear the truth. You really do deserve that, Suzy. You deserve that and — and, well, just go talk to Jasper.”

Hearing Harry say that it wasn’t going to be easy only sent another stab to my heart, but in a way, I was kind of glad that he was giving me a warning. It meant I could go and confront Jasper with some sort of idea of how it might turn out, even if it was going to break me. I guess I was just going to have to prepare myself, if that was even possible.

“Okay,” I eventually said, my heart beating so fast in my chest as I finally decided I needed to face the truth. “By the way,” I quickly added, “I’m sorry for bothering you all day to call me, then kind of accusing you for something that I really don’t know anything about.”

“It’s all right,” Harry said and I could almost hear the smile in his voice. “And as much as I would love to spend the rest of the night talking to you, listening to your voice, after the day I’ve had, I really think I should let you go and, um — go and speak to Jasper.”

My face fell at the thought of Harry having a rough day, then I showed up and threw more drama on top of it all. I was being completely selfish, which really wasn’t like me at all.

“Before you say anything,” Harry spoke up, “don’t apologise for thinking you’ve ruined my day.” I wanted to smile at the thought of Harry knowing me well enough to know what I was going to say next, but I was such a mix of emotions that I couldn’t even muster up a smile. “I think I might just go to sleep now. I’m so exhausted and chances are I’m starting to get sick. Please understand that I only had good intentions in not telling you myself, and that I am so, so sorry for not doing this sooner.”

As much as I wanted to stay on the phone and ask Harry about his day, and what else has happened on tour, to try and learn about what he had been up to and how he had been feeling, I didn’t press it further. He knew what was best for himself, and if that included sleep, then I wasn’t about to say no to that. Plus, he also seemed to know what was best for me, and while I was slowly going to send myself into a massive panic attack if I didn’t confront Jasper straight away, part of me wished I didn’t have to say goodbye to Harry and hear him apologise for getting me into a tricky situation. It was weird, actually. Everything was about to be thrown up in the air with Jasper, and while, yes, that was slowly tearing me apart, in this moment, I was worried about Harry and his well-being..

Our phone call ended not long after, and I knew there was only one thing for me to do now: I had to face Jasper.

As soon as the phone call ended, I forced myself to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to at least calm my nerves, but it didn’t work. While I may have allowed my breathing to return to something less erratic, my heart was beating so fast in my chest and my head was whirling round and round that I knew I couldn’t stay seated on my bed any longer. So, I threw on a pair of shoes and my jacket, grabbed my phone, and was out the door within the next couple of minutes.

The walk to the hall Jasper lived in was merely ten minutes long, but it seemed like an eternity as I kept my head down and arms crossed all the way, trying to not psych myself out of what I was about to do. Harry had been so adamant on me doing this now, learning whatever hidden truth Jasper had been keeping from me, and I was going to force every muscle and bone in my body to do it. No matter how much I wanted to turn around and pretend like nothing ever happened, I knew deep down that it would only hurt me more knowing that my boyfriend had been hiding something from me.

Once I reached the hall and made my way to the door of his room, I sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out as I also tried to rid of my nerves. It was no hope, though; my nerves were here to stay. Even though most of my body wanted to run away and never face my fears, I did what I needed to do. I knocked on the door three times, then stood there waiting, though I wasn’t very patient. I waited and waited and waited, and just as I was about to knock again, the door opened.

“Suzy, hey!” Benji, one of the guys Jasper lives with, said as he was the one to answer the door. “You okay?”

“Mmm, yeah,” I replied, forcing a smile. “Is Jasper here?”

Benji assured me Jasper was here and lead me to his room, even though I had been here many times before and knew exactly where it was. “Oi, Jas!” Benji called out, banging his fist on Jasper’s door. “Ya bird is here!”

I rolled my eyes as he referred to me as Jasper’s bird, and I may have even said something had Jasper not instantly opened the door, hair a complete mess and shirtless. My breath got caught in my throat at the sight of him. Whenever Jasper looked like this, it was always easy for me to give in to him and give him whatever he wanted. There was just something about the beauty of him that always dragged me in, and it wasn’t like I was dragged in screaming or clawing at the ground, because if anyone saw how good Jasper looked, then they would probably do the exact same thing.

Except now was not a time to be dragged in. Now was the time for me to stand up for myself and demand the truth, whatever it may be.

“Suzy?” Jasper’s eyebrows creased together as he saw me in front of him, before a smile spread across his face and he stepped forward to pull me into his arms. Oh god, he smelt so good. Up against his bare chest, and getting a whiff of his cologne that always drove me crazy, I almost forgot what I came here for in the first place. It wasn’t until he asked, “How’re you doin’, darling?” that it all came back to me.

“No, no, no.” I pulled back from him and his hold on me, shaking my head. “Jasper, we — we need to talk.”

“We do?” Jasper questioned, so I nodded. “Ah, okay then, just, uh — just come in my room.” He had a quick look around to ensure that no one else was around, probably making sure that Benji hadn’t heard what I said. God only knew how much a girl initiating a serious talk with a boy could harm his ego.

The familiarity of his room was nostalgic. Many hours were spent at his desk, helping one another study or taking cheeky glances while we thought the other wasn’t looking. Countless showers had been taken in his small ensuite, much like numerous times I had used his mirror and sink to wash my face and, well, brush my teeth when things got a little heated. And then there was his bed, which wasn’t as comfy as mine, but comfort was the least of our worries as our clothes were removed. Many fun filled occasions had passed in his bed, both in a sexual and a general conversing manner. I knew everything about his room, where everything was kept and what memories were held here, but as I stood in front of the boy I had been in love with for years, I was suddenly feeling like I knew more about his room than him. Being told that he had been hiding something from me made me question just how much I knew about Jasper, and while I absolutely dreaded finding out the answer, I knew it was the best thing I could do.

“So, what’s up?” Jasper asked once we were inside and he shut the door behind us, then clasped his hands in front of his body awkwardly.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a brief second, then opened them as I turned to face both Jasper and my fears. “I want to know the truth,” I began, and as Jasper’s lips parted to speak, I stepped forward and continued. “I’ve been told that there’s something you’ve been hiding from me, and — and I need to know the truth, no matter how much it might hurt me.”

Jasper looked nothing but puzzled. “Truth about what?” His eyebrows furrowed and he scratched the side of his head. “I’m so confused, babe. What are you talkin’ about?”

It was now or never. Just a few words, one sentence, and I would finally be able to learn this hidden truth. So, I sucked in a deep breath, and said, “The red balloon, Jasper. Tell me the truth.”

Jasper’s face froze. It was as if he had just witnessed a ghost — or, rather, the ghost of our past. “I — I don’t know what you’re, um — what you’re talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” I said sternly, folding my arms over my chest, allowing me to hide my shaking hands. I may have looked confident on the outside, but I was only feigning my nerves and panicking inside. All was about to come clean, and not a single part of me had a good feeling about it. “Someone told me that you’re hiding something from me, so now I wa—”

“Wait, someone?” Jasper raised an eyebrow. “It was that pissbaby, wasn’t it? Babe,” Jasper went on, almost sounding relieved as he stepped forward, holding his hand out to touch my arm. “I’ve told you before, the guy is just jealous.”

I pulled away from his touch, unable to believe what he had just said about Harry. No names had been said, but we both knew exactly who I was referring to. “He’s — no, don’t call him that! That’s — That’s not right.”

“Are you seriously defending him right now?” Jasper let out a dry laugh. “He told you that your boyfriend, the guy who loves you more than anything in the world, was lying to you, and he’s only known you for, what? A few months? He’s just messing with your head.”

Anger was starting to take over me now, because I had never seen Jasper defend anyone so easily as he was defending himself. There was this time last year that someone had said something negative about one of his friends, and it took me by a great surprise that he only brushed it off, not even taking a second out of his time to claim the the rumour was actually one big lie. I thought maybe it was just a one time thing and that maybe he was having an off day, and so he really didn’t want to be set off, but it happened a second time. And then, there was this time that I never told him I knew about, when we were at a club in London. We had been by the bar with friends, just chatting away and drinking, when I excused myself to use the loo. I hadn’t been gone for long, but on my way back I specifically noticed the friend of his we were with make a physical gesture about a dress I had on that night, because it made my boobs and ass look glorious. However, instead of Jasper telling his friend to be quiet and not speak of his girlfriend in such a sexual manner, Jasper just laughed and wanked on about what he was going to do to me once we left. He never got to do what he wanted, because I faked a headache and so Jasper was very much let down, but it was nothing compared to how I felt.

I hadn’t really thought about that moment until now, until Jasper was selfish enough to defend himself about possibly lying, rather than defend the girl he claimed to love so much. It showed me what kind of guy he really was.

“Of course I’m defending him!” I cried, my voice squeaking a little. “He seems to be the only guy in my life who’s being completely honest with me as of late.”

“Please, don’t kid yourself.”

I pressed my lips together and said, “Then explain the goddamn balloon thing to me, Jasper.”

“What’s to tell? I seriously don’t understand!” Jasper threw his his hands in the air, until he was rubbing them over his face and shaking his head. “I gave you a red balloon years ago, remember? It was the beginning of our relationship. Pretty romantic if you ask me.”

“How does Harry know all about it, then?” I asked, taking a step forward towards Jasper, wanting to look him straight in the eyes. I knew when he was lying, so I needed to see if he would do it now. I needed to see if he was lie straight to my face. “Because a couple of weeks ago he sure sent me a red balloon with a cute little note, and on the phone just before, he claimed that you’re hiding something big from me that has something to do with the whole red balloon grand gesture. I don’t know about you, but Harry knowing as much as he does sure makes me question truth.”

Much like before, Jasper froze in front of me. I had him, I finally had the upper hand on him, I had him in the palm of my hand, and I was willing to stomp all over him to find out whatever it was he was hiding from me. Between the phone call with Harry and physically seeing him defend himself and lie before my eyes, it was enough for me to put my feelings for him aside and stand up for myself and my own rights. I may have still loved him, but I was no longer putting myself second. I needed to be in control with my life, and that started with forcing the truth out of Jasper, even if it only ended badly for me.

“Jasper, please,” I pleaded, softening my expression and toning down my voice. I was angry, that much was certain, but I needed to at least try and seem like everything was okay. “Harry told me it’s not going to be easy for me to hear, but you’re the one I need to hear it from. I know you’re trying to act all high and mighty, but can you just knock down your walls for five minutes and explain to me what exactly happened.”

I could see Jasper thinking it over in his mind, trying to work out what he was going to do, but it was as he sighed and his shoulders dropped that I knew what was about to happen, which was enough for another prick to make an appearance in my heart and cause more air to escape. Jasper gestured his hand towards my bed and said, “I think you should sit down.”

Following his arm, I sat down on his bed and clasped my hands in my lap and let out a deep breath. Jasper looked so nervous in front of me — his eyes avoided mine, and hands almost shaking as he reached out to grab my hand, but then retracted when I eyed his every move.

“I, uh — this is hard for me to say, Suzy…” Jasper began. I nodded, encouraging him to continue, both because I needed to hear it and because I wasn’t sure I could speak at this point. I was sure that if I opened my mouth, not a single word would come out. “But Harry wasn’t the one lying, it was, um — it was me. I’m so sorry, Suzy. I — I don’t know what to say right now, I don’t know how to even spit the words out in a way for you not to hate me, even though it’s kind of impossible.”

“Just say it,” I encouraged him, after finding enough energy inside me to say those three words. Hearing Jasper admit that he has been lying was enough for more air to escape from my heart, so I could only imagine what was to come.

He sucked in a deep breath, then nodded. “Years ago, when we were fourteen, and not long before you received the red balloon, I started to develop feelings for you,” Jasper began to explain. “I was far too shy and awkward to even let you know of these feelings, especially when I used to annoy you in classes in stuff. Then, one day, Harry announced to me that he’d done something he never thought he’d do. I was really jealous that he’d done that, thinking that I’d ruined every chance in the world to be able to call you mine. Until you came to school, questioning a very specific gift left on your doorstep.

“It had gotten around that you had a secret admirer, thanks to your friends and how they were asking everyone in our year,” Jasper went on, my heart slowly sinking in my chest as I began to piece it all together. “And before they reached Harry, I stepped forward, thinking that it was my perfect chance to maybe get you to see me in a different light, to maybe get you to see me romantically, not as someone who likes to dick around in class. I never predicted that something as small as that would be what you considered to be the foundation of our entire relationship. Hell, I never predicted that you and I would soon seem like it was a forever thing, But, Suzy, I just — I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you, I never—”

“Never thought I’d find out?!” I interrupted him, tears brimming in my eyes. Throughout his explanation, I felt a very well known knot rising in my chest as my heart only continued to sink further and further down my chest.

Jasper shook his head. “Guess, yeah — guess I thought you’d never find out,” Jasper admitted, hanging his head down low. “I honestly cannot tell you how sorry I am about not telling you sooner, and how sorry I am for lying to you all these years. But it wasn’t me, Suzy. It wasn’t me who sent you that gift all those years ago.”

“It was Harry,” I breathed, still trying to wrap my head around it. “Harry was the one who sent the balloon when we were younger, Harry was the one who took a risk because he liked me. It wasn’t you, Jasper. It was Harry all along.”

My mind was hazy and cloudy, a million thoughts running through it every second, as I stared at the ground in front of me, unable to believe a single word I was hearing. I was questioning everything Jasper had ever said to me or done throughout our relationship over and over again in my mind, all because I just found out that everything our relationship was based on was a fucking lie. Jasper never made a huge grand gesture — Harry did. It wasn’t Jasper who found the courage within himself to take a step in my direction, opening his heart to let me in, it was Harry. Jasper just let me believe, for all these years, that it was him. He lead me to believe that he was the one who took the first step in our relationship with a cheesy move, when in fact he was just a stealing asshole.

“Suzy, let me — let me explain,” Jasper tried to plead, even reaching his hands out to grab hold of mine, but I snatched them back from him in an instant. “Babe, don’t do th—”

“Don’t call me that!” I exclaimed, spitting my words out at him. “You don’t deserve to call me that. You’re nothing but a — a coward and a bloody liar!” My jaw was clenched and my heart rate was increasing the angrier I got, until I did something I never thought I could do. I stood up from Jasper’s bed promptly, my hands shaking beside me. “And, actually, y’know what? You don’t fucking deserve me.”

Jasper looked as though he went cold as soon as I said that, but I wasn’t about to back down, no matter how much Jasper tried to beg. “No, no,” he pleaded. “We can sort this out. I love you, Suzy. Please, don’t say what you’re thinking.”

“I’m not about to continue a relationship that’s based on a bloody lie,” I informed him, shaking my head slowly. “I can’t even begin to explain how much you’ve hurt me, and how broken my heart is right now. Yesterday, the thought of this would never have crossed my mind in a million years, but now… I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t.”

“I can change!” Jasper cried, grabbing my hand and getting down onto his knees. “Don’t do this, Suzy. I love you so, so much! Please, please, please.”

I snatched my hand back from Jasper and scrunched my face up at him. “Nope, this is it,” I said, one hundred percent certain of my decision. I was not backing out now. “I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is not only dishonest with me, but also someone I no longer trust.” It can take an awful long time for someone to gain my trust, and it took Jasper all of five minutes to lose every single ounce of trust I had for him.

Jasper continued to beg and ramble on about how sorry he was and just how much he loved me, as well as how he would change and never hurt me again, but I wasn’t going to change my decision. I simply couldn’t see myself with someone who brought so much unhappiness and stress into my life. It broke my heart to smithereens to say that this was the end of us, but it was the right decision. After all, I was the one in control of my life, so I was the one who called the shots on who should and shouldn’t be in my life.

While I was still on the verge of tears spilling down my cheeks, and I was certain that it would happen as soon as I got back into the comfort of my own room, Jasper was now the one with wet cheeks as he begged for my forgiveness. I wasn’t going to listen to him. I wasn’t going to take him back, not after what he did.

Between his loud sobs and pleas, I managed to get out a quick, “Goodbye, Jasper,” before taking one final turn away from him and out of his room. As soon as I made my way outside, it was like a breath of fresh air had hit me, and it wasn’t just because of the cool wind. My heart was completely sunken and broken in my chest, but the part of me that took a second to think over what had happened just now was relieved. Never in a million years would I have thought breaking up with Jasper would make me feel relieved, but here I was, completely free of Jasper and like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Tears were threatening to escape and run down my cheeks, but as I thought about this relief, I found a smile spreading across my face, and there was only one person in the world that I felt the urge to express my feelings to. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and tapped away a quick message to Harry, then pressed send.

Thank you for the balloon, even if it is a few years late.