#ngl I thought it was ‘old king’ until I saw another post and I didn’t question it

[a-a-lost-munchkin]

“Old king, our leader is dead! You’ve destroyed the serpent’s head. Now the rest of us are no longer a threat!

Old king, forgive us instead, so that no more blood is shed. Let’s have open arms instead~”

*violent death noise*

(Coldly) “No.”

[shebpaw]

Books I Haven’t Read/Finished Yet But I Want To

Hello again! 

From my last post about animal book recs, I noticed a LOT of people mentioning other books I missed. In that post, I included books/series I’ve already read, and the suggestions you guys have given sound awesome and I can’t wait to read/finish them!

In the same vein, I wanted to share some books/series that I’m either currently reading or want to read and why I’m excited.

1. Guardians of GaHoole/Wolves of The Beyond/Bears of the Ice - Kathryn Lasky

A lot of you suggested Guardians and TRUST ME, I’m right on the same page! I actually own the entire series and a few one-shots I have yet to read. The thing is, I am an INSANELY SLOW reader. I have a bit of dyslexia and ADHD so reading is actually pretty hard at times, even for books so short. I usually listen to audiobooks because it gives me the freedom to occupy my hands while “reading” (also helps pass the time while I work/drive). GoG only has the first 3 or 4 books on audio, so it’s been a while working through all 15. I’m on “Exile” right now so I’m aaaaaalmost there! 

There are, however, audiobooks for Wolves of the Beyond and Bears of The Ice, so I’m mostly caught up there. I recently cancelled my Audible subscription for money reasons so I’ve had to drop WotB until I can get it from my library. 

I really REALLY encourage you guys to read the two spin-offs of GoG if you haven’t. I feel like those two series get forgotten because GoG is “over”, but these series actually continue the series in a way, albeit peripherally. And they’re just as good! I love all three series a lot and I’ll definitely come back here after I’ve FINALLY finished GoG.

 2. Swordbird - Nancy Yi Fan 

I don’t see a lot of hype for this series and honestly there should be! Nancy Yi Fan was the youngest published author, 14, at the time of Swordbird’s publishing. So far, it’s Redwall with birds, and I’m loving it! I love birds very much, and I’m excited to see where this goes!

This book is important to me because I remember reading about Nancy Yi Fan and her accomplishments when I was about 11 and wanting to be just like her. Not to get too dramatic, but I’ve struggled with writing/grammar for a long time (again, Dyslexia and ADHD) and was told by a particularly awful teacher that I’d never write anything of value. Nancy Y Fan’s accomplishments made me feel otherwise and I really think she was the start of me working past my disabilities to write stories. I still write as an adult and I’m hoping to be published someday, and I’ll always think back to Swordbird. 

It’s a shame I haven’t read it yet. It was never in any libraries and I only just recently learned it was on Kindle and I was really excited! Life gets in the way, but I really am trying to read it. I hope Yi Fan is still writing and it would be really cool to meet her one day and thank her. 

3. The Wild Road - Gabriel King

Oh, look! More cats! After Tailchaser’s Song I was itching for more Warriors-esque books, and I’ve been told The Wild Road fits the bill! Also, Richard Adams liked it, so I have high hopes. 

I had to buy this book also because no libraries had it again. It’s really a shame, but what can you do. I get kind of hesitant to buy books I haven’t read at all because I’ve been duped before by what I thought was a good book. Also, Im poor. 

Anyway, so far I like this one! It’s a series so I hope it holds up as it goes. 

4. Catamount - Micheal Peak

Another unusual animal protag book! Sadly, I don’t own this one or seen it in a library. It’s been sitting in my Goodreads list for sometime, but I’m excited to find it! It gives me The Rescuers: Down Under vibe for some reason, its probably the eagle. 

5. Dragon of the Lost Sea - Laurence Yep 

Oh boy, I’m gonna get passionate again. 

Lemme preface this by saying I have read this book, but only NOW did I learn that it’s part of a series.

Look, EVERYONE knows Laurence Yep. He’s a prolific author. You probably had to read a work of his in school. Which is why its breaks my heart to know that this book series not ONLY has no audiobook or even e-book exists, but physical copies are REALLY hard to find. I recently tracked down one on Amazon and they were out of stock. 

I wasn’t even sure that I didn’t dream this book up for YEARS. When I was in middle school, I remember picking this book up in my school’s media center. That is the ONLY place I’ve EVER seen this book in person. I fucking loved this book. After a while, though, I forgot the title and for a bit I thought I had just made it up. This series is almost NEVER mentioned when looking up Laurence Yep, and this book is awesome! 

So, wish me luck tracking down the rest of this series, its kind of become my life’s work, ngl. I’ve considered calling up my old middle school to see if I can buy their copy off them. 

6. The Named - Clare Bell

Shout out to @climbdraws​ for reminding me that this series existed! If you haven’t seen their fan art for the series, go check it out! 

I swear I saw this in a Borders years ago, forgot the name, and had a mindblowing epiphany when Climb mentioned it some 6-ish years later. 

If you guys don’t know, I like prehistoric creatures A LOT. The Named, I think, is about prehistoric Cheetahs or some similar cat. I recently bought the first book and I’m really looking forward to it! 

7. Silverhair - Stephen Baxter

More prehistoric animals! Also another book that I haven’t found yet. It’s always out of stock when I check Amazon (as of writing I just learned that this is at my local library but I’m moving to another state in less than a week so SHIT). 

8. Song of The Summer King - Jess E. Owen

Y’know what I love more than prehistoric animals? GRIFFINS! Oooooh, do I love griffins! I literally cannot tell you how much I WISH there were more griffin books. Dragons are great, but they need to take a rest and let Griffins have the spotlight for a bit (I’m also writing a book about Griffins hint hint hint). 

I have this one on Kindle and I’m working through it. It’s a series too, so hooray! 

That’s all I got so far. I’m always open to suggestions, it’ll just take me a long ass time to read them.  

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Tiger King 

“I think it would be fair to say that Carole is the Mother Teresa of cats” now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear

“I’d never been a person who had friends” statements like this always perplex me because surely there had to be ONE other person in however long you quantify childhood that you identified with. Like not one whole ass person? You’re not the only person who loves cats Carole

The juxtaposition between Carole Baskin’s “Animal Print for Animal Rights” and Joe Exotic’s “Tiger King underwear is our bestseller” is poetic cinema

Okay this isn’t a reflection of my opinions on this man but I Saw a Tiger is a good country ballad there I said it 

“When I first met Joe, I was like a month out of high school” well that’s not good

[Joe Exotic voice] Some people have tigers to cope

Doc Antle has only been on screen for 30 seconds and already he has made himself memorable by directing the film crew

Is Bhagavan Antle Indian in some way or did he just have a really intense Eat Pray Love journey with his guru

Also is he really a doctor orrrrrrrrr

“I am out there in the forefront so known of being this guy that is in love with big cats and has them love him back” please don’t tell me this guy does anything weird to his animals

“People only care about saving what affects them” 

“You can’t put a price on holding a baby tiger” but you did and apparently it’s $625 

The fact that multiple tigers have had albinism is probably a sign of major inbreeding practices at these zoos

You know, even if I ate meat*, there is no way I would be able to handle any kind of early prep stage of it bc seeing these cow carcasses is A Lot

*If u r reading this I don’t care if u eat meat leave me alone

“Animals just wasn’t enough, okay? So then I started adding magic” well that took an unexpected turn

I don’t know if it’s for real fair to criticize every person who has brought a big cat out in a public venue/talk show because I know at least like Dave Sal/moni is always going “THESE ANIMALS MAKE TERRIBLE PETS” 

As a sidenote from what I understand this Saff person keeps being deadnamed/misgendered throughout this documentary and I do not appreciate it 

“I grew up a professional cowboy in a family of professional cowboys” every sentence on this show is a journey

WHO is letting their ONE-YEAR-OLD lay on top of a tiger cub I know you’re at a zoo but BRUH

“It’s going to be a small Waco” to say this ON THE NEWS

This 2 minute stretch of episode is all the PSA anyone ever needs to never own a gun

Well I think we can all agree that PETA is a fucking mess

God this is like battle of the people who are terrible at doing anything good for animals

“What do you carry that gun for?” “People” AHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!!!!?!?

“I sleep with an AK-47 under my mattress, loaded, ready to roll” WILL SOMEONE HELP THE U.S. OF A

I was warned about this show and yet I was still not prepared for the level of UNHINGED it would be 

How in the FUCK does a place like this not have an on-site medic

“Why don’t you come back on another day” he said, after telling the public an employee had his arm taken off 

“I am never gonna financially recover from this” SURE JOE THIS IS ABOUT YOU

To go back to work a WEEK after getting your arm amputated... BRUH

“Any law that you think’s unfair or unjustice, it is your obligation, it is your responsibility to stand up against that bullshit law” well Thomas Jefferson was a slaveowner so clearly the injustice thing was relative for him

Traditionally don’t drug addictions fuel people choosing extreme paths with their life rather than the other way around? 

JKHGKJHGKJH this whole exchange:

Interviewer: What kind of doctor is he?

Maria: Mystical science.

Interviewer: Mystical science?

Maria, nodding: Yeah.

“How many wives does Doc Antle have?” I didn’t expect this but somehow it tracks

I’m gonna bet none of these people with subcontinental names have a single bit of South Asian heritage like okay “Moksha” and “Rajnee” did Bhagavan name you

On a more serious note: It’s really fucked up that these men keep meeting literal teenagers, making them their employees, and then also get into relationships with them. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough THIS IS NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY

It’s pretty weird that Doc Antle keeps emphasizing so frequently that one of his partners is Italian 

“I’m gonna go be a yoga animal trainer” ah, white people bullshit

“Goodbye. Don’t fall in love with your boss.” Good advice, Dad

I was not expecting all this subcontinental imagery to get under my skin this badly but what’s your problem dude can’t u be normal for like a second 

“You’re this garbage person, but if you listen to me, I’ll make you great” again this tracks but gross

Again, on a more serious note: if a partner ever talks to you this way please call a domestic abuse hotline 

Not that India is at all in a good place right now but I personally ban Doc Antle from ever entering India. Banned. Forever. I will not be accepting constructive criticism at this time

“I didn’t really know any better” is a really good way of summarizing what all of these younger partners have been through

Wow Carole is really explaining this abuse issue succinctly 

Antle’s indignation at being implied to be a cult leader despite the fact he is most definitely a cult leader

Joe’s story in his documentary is constantly “is this going to be a humanizing moment PSYCH it’s still terrible”

HOW IS THIS LEGAL PAY YOUR WORKERS A LIVING WAGE

Why is this husband-killing thing JUST A FOOTNOTE AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE OH MY GOD

We have deviated so far from the tiger thing oh my god

Why is the only man in this documentary who is faithful to his spouse the man that smuggled drugs inside of snakes

Every time I learn a new thing about a person in this documentary I have to reorient myself

This whole episode has been about this murder and I’m concerned that its title, “The Secret,” hasn’t even been revealed yet

GOD I take back what I said about I Saw Tiger, the concept of this song/music video for Here Kitty Kitty is so disturbing that this man deserves no credit whatsoever as a musician 

CAROLE WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING ABOUT THE MEAT GRINDER IT’S NOT FUNNY

Well I don’t have much to say about this episode other than yikes

I guess if you’re really out to spite someone stealing their brand and posting exactly the opposite of everything they stand for is an effective if weird and petty way to do it

Do you think the whole throne footage moment was a “Frankenstein realizing what he has wrought” kind of thing for Kirkham

This is really like watching a sports game of two teams you can’t stand except the sport is murder and other miscellaneous crime

If we’re all being real with ourselves the documentary filmmakers themselves MUST have had some issues going on to be able to walk into this situation and not do anything about it

This series really seems to present a compelling case for why every major figure in this documentary has potentially committed at least one terrible crime

Ah there’s the judgment from the woman in Florida I guess it’s two crimes with one stone

God these poor animals they do not deserve anything happening to them

While obviously people are enticed by the prospect of someone they’re into having an animal JUST GET AN ALREADY DOMESTICATED ANIMAL LIKE DOMESTICATED CATS AND DOGS EXIST OH MY GOD DO NOT USE EXOTIC PETS AS DATE BAIT

 It has been so long since we heard about Travis ngl I already forgot about him 

Why is every single person in this show SO OFF THE WALLS I mean I know why but also WHY

This documentary is also a treatise in the flaws of the U.S. prison system and how it sets up people up to fail or re-offend upon release

Take a shot every time a middle-aged man in this show mentions that he casually bought himself a big cat as a teen

“Joe was the entertainment director.... by title” I don’t think this was meant to be a burn but what a burn

I am almost certain I WATCHED that Last Week Tonight episode during that election and if u told me that 4-5 years later I would be rewatching that clip in a documentary about this man’s journey to being convicted for murder then I cannot say I wouldn’t be surprised but I would probably believe it 

Also I have to wonder what John Oliver thinks about being part of this 

[“Beyonce?” voice] Shaun Majumder?

Sidenote: Until this exact moment I thought of Shaun Majumder as Ben Mulroney even though Brian Mulroney is white as hell I guess I have faceblindness but only for Canadian talkshow personalities

I have been aware of this before now but the fact you can buy a GUN at a Walmart what in the FUCK is U.S.A. doing

Man does this campaign manager really want to take ownership of anything Joe Exotic has ever done

Ngl I was wondering why someone who had at one point clearly had a lot of money seemed to have such poor dental care access but meth certainly does explain it

I mean people can be attracted to both men and women (hello) but since Joe was fuelling their drug addictions since they were teenagers attraction is at best a null factor and at worst an added layer of terrible to this whole mess

It’s hard to even respond to this in a meaningful way because this is so fucked up. Don’t own guns.

“That was a big fucking mistake,” he said, right after someone explained that he was driving large groups of people in an enclosed space in a busy city with wild animals that could maim or kill them

Padlock penls piercing really does not seem like a first date bombshell

“We went to dinner and he never went home” well if that doesn’t set you with a sense of foreboding

TWO MONTHS AFTER WHAT IN THE HELL OH MY GOD also I hope Dillon is okay

“It wasn’t about the animals anymore” you THINK

“It was sort of funny when they started but it’s gotten really dark” how meta

Of all the reasons Joe could’ve abandoned his zoo, I really didn’t think embezzlement would be what pushed him

“He won’t tell anyone where he’s at, not even me,” said Dial, with no acknowledgement of the fact that Joe is also theoretically still married and would maybe tell his husband???

Oh Dillon spotted??? Yikes get out dude

Take a shot every time a white person who really doesn’t understand where the word “karma” comes from starts talking about karma as if it is the Law of Revenge

The fact this man brings a film crew out with him while he’s on the run evading a federal investigation..... incomprehensible

“Joe just wanted to put it in somebody’s name and continue to be the tiger queen, I mean king,” really REALLY of all the reasons to object to Joe you’re going to choose homophobia wow

Is this about an attempt to have someone murdered or does something happen to Baskin it is very unclear

This documentary has an interesting format of switching focus from crime to crime to crime 

“I’ve never been as proud of being married to anyone as I am being married to you” It’s weird to compliment your husband by comparing him to all your other husbands

How is the lesson for Jeff Lowe in this “let’s build another zoo” surely at that point it’s better to just cut your losses

[Garretson voice]: You should pay me for being a bro, dude

“I’m a libertarian, so technically, fuck the Feds,” I’ve never heard an intonation that better suits a conservative millennial 

I mean I don’t think it was advisable but honestly why are people surprised Joe took the stand isn’t delusions of grandeur kind of his thing

Sometimes it’s just that they’ve added in other moments to break up the awful immoral crimes with just run of the mill douchebaggery like the nanny/gym thing huh

I guess the silver lining in this is that potentially these big cat zoos will shut down but like where do these animals who have been raised in captivity go??? I don’t trust anyone in this documentary to not exploit them in some way ugh 

“Not a single animal benefited from this war,” correct, Saff

“I was wrapped up in having a zoo,” not really an excuse but ok

[wanderingthroughwickford]

Creepiest Childhood Media Moments Part 1/2

Inspired by @monochrome-typewriter, my list of movie/tv show/video game moments that terrified me as a child!*

*I’m going for age 12 and under here, because even though I still definitely considered myself a child in my teen years, I didn’t get scared of things in the same way then as I did when I was a younger kid.

A lot of these are pretty dumb, but some of them I still have a hard time watching/listening to, and some I outright refuse to. 

Under a cut because this is gonna be long!

To start off, when I was really young my Grandma had this movie called Tiny: The Seventh Brother that she apparently got at a garage sale. (Only later did I find out that it’s apparently Hungarian, and what we were watching was an English dub, which explains why a lot of the lip movements seemed weird, but anyways). For the most part it was a cute and innocent story of a little dog who gets separated from his owners and is adopted by a family of rabbits. But there were some moments that just freaked me and my sister right out. One is a scene where a hawk is chasing the little bunnies, and there are some shots where its talons get long and its eyes get crazy wide and bloodshot. But worse than that were these two creepy songs (which I think were the same tune, repeated twice at different parts of the movie, with different background animations). They were basically about how scary the forest was and how the animals always had to be on their guard. The first one, which I found here (first song that plays) had black silhouetted shots of the bunnies running away from various dangers and trembling in fear. The second one, which I’m fricking grateful I couldn’t find, had a shot of one of the main bunnies against a black background, except with every shot its appearance became more and more horrifying, until it had fucking EVIL EYES, FANGS AND LONG, SHARP CLAWS. And I watched this as, like, a 4/5 year old???

When I was younger I had this big fear of scenes where cartoon eyes peer out of the darkness, and I think it stemmed from, or was at least exacerbated by, this one episode of Care Bears where they did a Phantom of the Opera plotline and at one point you saw the Phantom’s creepy eyes and smile peering out of a darkened hallway. I think it just turned out to be a dummy that someone was using to trick them, but I didn’t care, it still creeped me the fuck out. 

I only vaguely remember this one; it must have been in grade 1 or 2, when our class watched this episode of Magic School Bus where they went to a haunted house and kept periodically hearing this spooky, mysterious noise. Again, it turned out to be something completely innocuous, but the creepiness of hearing it repeatedly and not knowing what the heck it was left a big impression on me. 

Weirdly enough, despite loving Land Before Time, I remember there being a time in my early childhood when I was terrified of almost the entirety of LBT 4: Journey Through the Mists. Namely, basically every scene where they’re in the Land of the Mists, which is like 75% of the movie. And it sucked because I absolutely LOVED this song that happened late in the movie, but I had to sit through all the scary parts to get to it. Within a few years, though, I was watching the movie in its entirety and loving it. I think it was my favorite out of all of them. I guess I can see why I was scared of it, because it’s got a pretty dark/creepy atmosphere and the characters are constantly being hunted by things that want to eat them, but in hindsight the villains are more entertaining than scary. 

I generally loved Arthur but there was one episode called The Mysterious Hand where he’s scared about having not returned a library book on time, and he has a nightmare about it. There were two things in particular that scared me: ghostly faces outside his window howling his name, and a long hand that appeared out of nowhere to drag him back to the library. Pretty cheesy when I look back on it now.

Again, I loved George Shrinks but there were a couple episodes that scared me a lot. There was one where he had to journey through a pond in a little submarine and kept running into a snapping turtle that wanted to eat him (I think this was another offender for the ‘cartoon eyes staring out of the darkness’ thing). There was another where he thought a ghost was in his house, but it turned out to be the wind blowing through one of his dad’s musical instruments. There was still another where he started hallucinating from being outside too long in the snow and thought these evil snowmen were coming to get him. And finally, there was one where a literal robot alien (!) showed up and was in his house - I think the main thing that scared me about this one was the sort-of creepy sci-fi-esque music that often played when the alien was on screen.

My first experience with Star Wars was when I was 6 and my mom showed us Return of the Jedi. It was probably a good choice for easing a child into SW because of the Ewoks, but maaaan, I was not ready for all the scenes in Jabba’s palace. From then until I was 14, my only recollections of Star Wars were of ‘three monsters’ in the beginning part of the movie - Jabba himself, the Rancor under his palace which eats a guard and a slave girl, and the frigging SARLACC. Do you know how freaky it is to hear that the heroes are going to have to jump into a giant, toothy mouth in the ground that will digest them alive, slowly and painfully, for 1000 years??? Ngl the scene where Luke has to jump off the plank gave me a fear of diving boards, and when I had to jump off one into the deep end in a swimming lesson shortly afterwards, I staunchly refused to do it. Also, for some bizarre reason, for years I could swear I vividly recalled a scene where a young woman looking like Queen Amidala and a young boy looking like Anakin Skywalker were actually made to jump into the Sarlacc’s mouth, but seeing as such a scene doesn’t exist, I think it must have been a confused memory of the scene where the slave girl Oola is dropped into the Rancor pit, mixed with advertisements of the time showing Padme and Anakin (since this was around 1999 when The Phantom Menace came out). Or maybe it’s that Berenstein Bears/parallel timelines thing at work yet again. :P  

Speaking of things I was too young to see (and things that I ended up getting really into in my teenage years), when I was about 8 or 9 I remember seeing a snippet of Lord of the Rings on TV. It was the scene where Frodo and the other hobbits have to hide under the tree roots to avoid being seen by the Nazgul. Another strong fear of mine as a young kid was of creepy, black-hooded figures. Understandably, seeing this scene didn’t help.

Probably around the same age, I watched the Disney film The Black Cauldron for the first time. I liked it a lot, but the Horned King and his minions really creeped me out. Special mention goes to one scene near the end, when there’s this shot of this half-rotted skeleton army marching along a hallway, I think in slow-mo. I kept imagining that they were about to come around the corner towards me. Starts at 2:38 here. 

Next post will talk about THE BIG TWO franchises which left me terrified - and which I still love dearly today.