#next chapter will come sooner i promise

[mediocres-writing-blog]

Mortal Kombat: Enenra's Shadow

Chapter 6: The Not-So Shocking Truth

Viktor, Enenra and Nico ran off back into the woods, running away from the destruction. They walked through the forest carefully to not trip anything off, as they were still in Lin Kuei territory. Viktor then tried to strike up a conversation with Nico.

VIKTOR: So, the flower thing...

He said, turning to Nico.

VIKTOR: Is it all just a bunch of bullshit?

NICO: I really hope not, kid.

Viktor looked down, and then ahead of himself.

VIKTOR: Answer me something.

NICO: Hmm?

VIKTOR: You've been following me all along, and when the time was right, you rescued me. Why?

NICO: I've done this sort of thing before. It's like a calling for me. And I'd hate myself if I let you get killed.

VIKTOR (smiling): Well, that's pretty cool.

The two walked along, and Nico hummed a melody all too familiar to Viktor.

VIKTOR: I think I've heard this song before.

NICO: Seems we got a pretty similar taste in music. It's a small world.

VIKTOR (looking around): Smaller than you'd think.

He said, seeing a sign that said "Hong Kong, 3.3 km."

NICO: I guess it's time we say our farewells.

Viktor, a little sad, nodded.

ENENRA: You know...

Enenra appeared so Nico and Viktor could hear him clearly.

ENENRA: This doesn't have to mean goodbye. You can come back to Bosnia with us.

Nico, a bit surprised, looked away, nervously mumbling something under his breath.

VIKTOR: What did you say?

NICO: Sorry, it's just that... I can't come.

ENENRA: Why not?

VIKTOR: Enenra, don't force him--

NICO: No, it's okay. I can tell you.

Nico got on one knee, and looked up at the boy.

NICO: Listen, this might come as a shock to you, but I need you to know that... I--

VIKTOR: "Am your father?"

Nico looked confused and surprised at this, getting back up on both feet.

NICO: Well, that was quicker than I expected.

VIKTOR: Then WHY DID YOU LEAVE MY MOM ALONE!? Were you just too big of a coward to be a father so you just left?--

NICO: I didn’t WANT to leave!

Viktor looked confused. His voice was lowered down.

NICO: I got into some deep shit the second I left the military. Your mother and I parted ways because there were people out to get me, like that Sub Zero guy. They weren't just out to get me, they were out to get anyone I was related to, including her. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I should've. And I understand if you hate me right no--

He would be interrupted by a tackling hug by Viktor. 

NICO: ...

Both Nico and Enenra were confused at this sudden change of heart. Nico awkwardly pats his back. He looked at Enenra from Viktor’s shoulder, both of them shrugging.

NICO: You good?

Viktor, letting go, wiped his face.

VIKTOR: Am now. Now then… I can get us a ride real quick.

Before long, Enenra retracted into Viktor’s body, showing that his arm did in fact grow back.

VIKTOR: Huh… how about that. Anyway…

He said, taking out his phone and dialing the number the taxi driver gave him.

NICO: You know what? I changed my mind.

Viktor turned to Nico, looking a little confused.

NICO: I will go home with you. Let me be the father I never got to be.

Viktor smiled, his eyes and his head turned sideways.

VIKTOR: If mom welcomes you back, I’d be glad to call you dad.

The two chuckled, as they stood around waiting for the driver to pick up, until he eventually did.

GUS (over phone): Yeeeee~s?

VIKTOR: Hey Gus, it’s me, Viktor, from the airport. I need you to pick me up. I’m 3.3 km’s west from Hong Kong, in the woods–

GUS (over phone): Say no more.

He said, hanging up the phone. Viktor put the phone in his pocket as he squatted beside the road. Nico squatted next to him, twiddling his thumbs.

NICO: Soooooo… that a cab driver? When should he be here?

VIKTOR: Literally any second. He’s an… “interesting” driver.

NICO: Right… also sorry, I never got to ask for your name.

VIKTOR: … Viktor.

The two sat there, and Nico tried cracking a joke about some of his past experiences.

NICO: That Sub Zero guy back there gave me a run for my money. But if I’m gonna be honest, this one girl I met once on a business trip? A thousand times more threatening than him.

Viktor turned around, seeming quite interested.

VIKTOR: Really? Who was she? Was she a friend? 

NICO: Ehhhh… kinda. Really, she was a colleague. Whenever we spoke for more than two seconds, she’d either threaten she’ll kill me or we straight up fought. She was a bit of a prick, but her heart was golden. She’d never break a promise and in the end, I could say we were almost friends.

VIKTOR: Huh. Cool. I’d like to meet her some day.

NICO: Trust me, you don’t. She’ll wreck your shit if you breathe too hard.

Viktor looked at his father with Enenra right behind him, raising an eye.

VIKTOR: You mean, she’ll wreck “your” shit?

NICO (sarcastically): Ha ha, very funny.

Nico responded, ruffling his hair. Nico giggled, pushing Robin’s hand away from him. Then Enenra jittered a little.

ENENRA: Gentlemen, stand back from the road. There’s a car incoming at very high speeds.

The two got up, and right before them 180’d and stopped Gus Axel. 

GUS: Good evening. Hop in.

Nico looked worried, and he turned to Viktor.

NICO: I’m not so sure about this, kiddo.

VIKTOR: Well, you either got this, or more Lin Kuei.

Nico stroked his chin, looking at the sky.

NICO: Yeah, fair enough.

GUS (Sadistically): Hop in, or you might end up as someone’s roadkill.

Gus chuckled, as the two got in and tied their seatbelts. The car took off, going way past the speed limit. Gus cut as many corners as possible, and then the police started going after them.

VIKTOR: <Oh, fuck me.>

NICO: Oh, fuck me.

GUS: Oh don’t fret, they’ll just chase us until we crash…

Viktor knew something was off. Gus was a bit silly when he first met him, but this was just insane. The boy tried removing his ivy cap to find some kind of branding on his forehead, pulling himself back. Nico saw it too, being more concerned now than he was in the past ten years. Gus started laughing maniacally, as he hit the gas.

VIKTOR: Fuck this! Dad, we’re jumping out!

He said as the two unbuckled their belts and jumped out of the car. Viktor grabbed Nico’s hand and Enenra suited them up before they hit the ground, softening the impact a bit. The taxi driver looked through his window to see them on the ground. The second he got back in, he crashed into a traffic light and flew through the windshield as the cops surrounded his vehicle. Nico, Viktor and Enenra saw this happen, and hesitated to make eye contact.

VIKTOR: Should we go?

NICO: A minute ago I thought the same, but now I think we should run.

He said as the two ran off in the opposite direction. The two exchanged dialogue as they ran.

NICO: Fast thinking you got there, Vik.

VIKTOR: I didn’t plan any of that, Enenra did all the heavy lifting.

ENENRA (in Viktor’s head): Next time give me a heads up before you jump out of a car, jackass!

The two saw the airport, only 100 meters away (yes I’m european, fuck you). Viktor slowed down a bit, as he couldn’t run as fast or as long as Nico, so the two slowed down but kept going.

NICO: You okay, kiddo?

VIKTOR (breathing deeply): I’ll manage. How can you run so fast?

NICO: Military training.

Viktor walked along looking at the ground, wondering who is this man and how is he his father.

NICO: Just gotta ask, did you get here by plane with anyone or…?

VIKTOR: Well uh… yeah. An old man.

NICO: That old man is probably on the same side as that crazy cab. 

Viktor ran along with Enenra glaring at him angrily. After a few minutes, the two finally made it to the airport where they met up with Svenson. 

ISAAC: Good evening, gents–

The old man tried to greet the two but was interrupted by Nico pulling a knife on the man.

NICO: Cut the BS, gramps, where’s the guy you work for hiding?

ISAAC: Woah now, calm down, no need to be hasty.

Viktor dashed in for the old man’s fedora, revealing no branding in sight. The father and son eyed one another, and Red Robin put his dagger away with immeasurable style. The two got on the plane, with Nico still being skeptical of the old man. The three settled down and took off the ground. While Viktor fell fast asleep, Nico stayed up all flight, just in case the old man did something suspicious. The minute the old man got up from his chair, to go to the cockpit (lol), the old robin knew something was up. He tries to wake up Viktor, quickly succeeding and making the sar boy a little grumpy.

VIKTOR (weakly): Whuh…. Did we already land??

NICO: Sorry, but no. I got a hunch that old shit was up to something. He just went into the cockpit.

There was a few seconds of silence before the two chuckled for twice as long.

VIKTOR: Alright, let's check out.

The two went to the front of the plane, opening the door only to find Isaac holding the captain hostage with the co-pilot quivering in fear.

NICO (to Viktor): What’d I tell ya?

Viktor rolled his eyes, as he stared at the situation.

ISAAC: You two seem to be in quite the predicament here.

VIKTOR: Just tell me what you want.

Isaac looked at the boy, pointing the knife at him.

ISAAC: The parasite. For my master, Quan Chi.

Viktor and Nico were both confused, but understood the second he used the knife to cut open his own shirt, revealing the branding on the spot where his heart resides.

NICO: So, not only does Quan Chi control minds, but also people’s very souls.

ISAAC: How very bright you are.

He said, slitting the pilot’s throat, throwing the co-pilot in a panic. The old man threw the knife in the head of the co-pilot to shut him up.

NICO: Welp, looks like we’ll have to kill this guy, Viktor.

VIKTOR: Damn.

And as he said that, the gray man boosted himself off the control panel to jump at Viktor with full force.

VIKTOR: ENENRA, SUIT ME!

Before any damage could be done, Enenra suited up star boy, keeping him out of harm's way. Nico stabbed the old man with his daggers in his back, getting him off Enenra and kicking him into the passenger seats. As Isaac gets back up, he rips out a seat and throws it at Nico. He fully knows he has nowhere to dodge that, so he tries to block, but is instead saved  by Enenra, who grabbed the seat right before it hit Red Robin.

NICO: I’m liking you more and more by the second, big guy.

ENENRA: Maybe you should have been my host~.

VIKTOR (through Enenra): Oh can we not?!

The symbiote threw the chair back at the old man, nearly killing him. Enenra walked over and grabbed the old man by the neck, and menacingly spoke to him.

ENENRA: I’ll ask you a question, and if I don’t like the answer, I’ll kill you. Now, where’s Quan Chi?

ISAAC: I don’t know, he never stays in one place, I’m only his humble servant. And besides, you have other matter–

Before he could finish, Enenra chomped off his head, killing him in an instant.

NICO: Good job, but we got other things to worry about. Like how we are about to CRASH LAND!

He exclaimed, as Enenra grabbed Nico from a distance, punched a hole through the ceiling, escaping and protecting him from any surfaces. The two safely landed in the airport settlement. Nico got on his legs and Enenra unsuited Viktor when they landed. 

NICO: Well, that was smoother than usual–

As he was saying, the plane crashed on the landing strip, causing a loud explosion.

NICO: …

VIKTOR: Nono, go on, finish your sentence.

NICO: … Nah. still calmer than most of my flights.

Viktor rolled his eyes, before seeing a trolleybus on his right heading their way. 

VIKTOR: Hey, let's catch this bus before we get accused of domestic terrorism.

He said, as the three idiots got on the bus and several sirens were heard from a distance. The two sat close to the door, waiting until they could finally get out to the hospital. The two sat there in silence, both a bit scared to start a conversation.

[davonati]

🚨 Alert alert this is not a drill 🚨

🚨 I have posted a new chapter of Mount Gilboa University 🚨

It’s like, kinda… no I shan’t spoil it, just read for yourselves (cough cough just remember that it’s tagged “happy ending” cough cough)

[thespacebetweenworlds]

Anyway sooooooo regarding my ongoing fic. I've decided it's gonna be smutty after all. Idk why I thought it might not be

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 23: Regrets

Summary: Depression: a common mental health condition characterized by a low mood or loss of pleasure or interest in activities for long periods of time. 

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 9,940

Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, angst, mental illness, depression, very heavy emotionally, angst, Johnny gets his feelings hurt (but only for a moment), angst, everyone is having big emotions, Bella Swan-esque sad montage, angst, kissing, slight suggestive content, angst

A/N: Did I completely rewrite part of this during the editing process? Yes. Are you going to thank me for that? Also yes. I'm trying something a bit different with this chapter, so let me know what you think. It probably won't be a regular thing, but I just thought I'd give it a test and this chapter was the perfect time to do that.

MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->

They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. 

They’re right. There’s a hole in your chest, an empty void. The squeaking of your shoes on the tiles sounds far away as you numbly walk back towards your room. 

“Ye alright, kitten?” Johnny asks cautiously as you pause in front of your door long enough to turn the handle.

You turn to look up at him, his brows pinched and his eyes shining with concern. “He's gone.” Your voice cracks and shakes, breaking over the words like you're speaking the finality of the situation. 

You are. 

“I know.” Johnny reaches out, his fingers wrapping around your arm. “I wish there had been more warning, but this is usually how his solo assignments go.” 

You swallow thickly. “He'll come back, right?”

Johnny grimaces. “Ye know I can't promise that. But, there's no one quite as capable in the field as him, except maybe Price.” Johnny squeezes your arm gently. “He’s been doing this for a long time, kitten. Have faith in that, and his skills.” 

Johnny’s words do nothing to help the turmoil inside you, the fear and anxiety. One split second mistake, one wrong decision and you know it could be over. Everything could be over before it even started. Why didn’t you confront him sooner? Why didn’t you pick up on his true feelings, his emotions as quickly as he seemed to decipher yours? It’s not fair that they can be taken from you so easily and so quickly. There’s no room for argument, no room for any begging or pleading for them to stay. They have a job, and they’ll always choose that job over you. 

“Ye gonna be alright?” Johnny asks, letting his hand fall from your arm as you push open your door, entering your room before closing it in immediately, clicking the lock into place. You lean against the door for a moment, biting your lip to try and stop the tears as you begin to shiver from the dampness of your clothes. 

You leave your shoes in a pile next to the door before you pad silently to your bathroom, stripping off your clothes once you hit the tile. You’re shivering, a cold chill starting to seep into your very bones as you start the tub, letting it fill with water. The tears blur your vision, dripping into the steaming water as you sink into the bath. You can’t stop the tears as you sit there, not caring how hot the water is, not caring how it makes your skin feel like it’s on fire. You’ll take the pain, the discomfort. Anything to ease the pain that’s ripping your chest wide open.

It hurts, he won’t lie, when you close the door in his face. Well, it wasn’t entirely in his face. He was a foot away from the door, but it still causes a little ache in his chest, a little upset in his mind that you just cut him off like that. The click of the lock is like a finality, the gavel falling on your decision to distance yourself for now. 

The rejection of his offer for comfort has his beta stirring uncomfortably in his mind. Tears fill his own eyes as he stares at the handle of your door, wishing he could reach out and grab it, fling it open and take you into his arms and hold you until you stop crying, until the pain of Simon’s sudden absence goes away. 

“Come on.” John says quietly, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “Give her some time.” 

He lets John lead him away from your door and back towards the rec room. He shouldn’t be so hurt by your abrupt dismissal. You were quite obviously upset, upset enough to run out into the rain after Simon. He saw you race out the door, his stomach clenching in worry, but thankfully the rain had forced most inside. There was little threat to you, not with Simon there, but he had been worried you might not be able to catch him, that you might run blindly into the rain to try and find him. 

He had spotted the tears trailing down your cheeks as you walked back to the barracks, mixing with the rain that soaked straight through you. He’s used to his alpha having to leave suddenly, the distance and the worry are second nature now thanks to their jobs, their lifestyles. You’ve never been through this before with him, though, and so soon after the two of you were finally beginning to give in. It’s like a curse. They begin to get close to you, and then suddenly they’re ripped away. 

He almost feels guilty, like he’s responsible for your pain. If he hadn’t forced it, if he hadn’t put you both in that position, maybe you wouldn’t be so upset. He couldn’t have known, though, that Simon would be called away like that. It could happen at any time, they all know that. They always have to be ready, always have to be prepared to be called out. Even on leave they can’t guarantee there won’t be an emergency. It’s just the nature of their job. 

It wouldn’t have bothered any of them before you. 

“She didn't take it well, did she?” Kyle says as John guides Johnny to sit on the couch next to him. 

“Christ, she's so upset.” Johnny says, leaning his head in his hands. “If I hadnae pushed them, then this wouldn't have happened.” 

“You couldn't have known this was going to happen.” Kyle says, squishing Johnny between him and John to try and comfort the upset beta. 

“We didn't even know until a couple of hours ago.” John says, draping his arm across the back of the couch.

“If she's this upset at one of us leaving...how upset was she when we all left?” Johnny says, his stomach churning at the thought. No wonder you were so shaken when they came back. 

“The best thing we can do right now is leave her alone and let her do what she needs to do.” John says, pulling Johnny so he's resting against his chest. “She'll come out when she's ready.” 

The afternoon comes and goes, the rain slowing to a light drizzle. You still haven’t left your room, sealed inside, secluded from them. Johnny casts the closed door a wistful look every time he walks down the hallway, half tempted to try the knob and see if it’s been unlocked, but he stops himself. The last thing you need is to be scared by someone trying to get in. John is right. You’ll come out when you’re ready. 

John knocks on your door as they get ready to head to dinner, waiting a moment for some type of response. “We’re going to dinner, sweetheart.” He says through the door when there’s no answer to his knock. “Do you want us to bring you something?” 

There’s a quiet noise from your room, some muffled response to John’s question.

“We’ll be back soon.” John says, somehow able to make out what it is you said. Or maybe his plan was to bring you something regardless of whether you agreed or not. 

It feels strange, just the three of them walking to the mess. It’s not the first time they’ve gone just the three of them, but it feels different this time. It’s not Simon’s missing presence that weighs so heavily, it’s yours. 

There’s a tenseness that’s settled over them as they sit at the table, avoiding eye contact with each other.  Simon’s empty space at the table wouldn’t have felt so much like an empty chasm if you had been there to fill some of it. 

They’re not sure what to do, the feeling similar to what they felt upon their return. They knew it would be bad, but they hadn’t expected you to be in shambles like you were. Their pack mate is hurting, their omega is hurting, and there’s nothing they can do. They don’t know what to do. Johnny wants to kick in your door, rush into your room and envelop you in a hug so tight you’ll complain that you can't breathe. He just wants to help you, but that’s not what you want, what you need right now. 

He knows it’s his beta instincts, his need to comfort and soothe and support. If Kyle is feeling the same way, which Johnny knows he has to be, he’s hiding it well. Though, perhaps that’s just for his sake and John’s. He can’t even imagine what John is going through, knowing his omega is suffering in such a way. 

All because Simon is gone. 

How easily one missing piece could tear the pack apart. If something happened to one of them, or god forbid something happened to you, they might not be able to recover. They had always assumed their training would win out, that they could move past it in the way they would had there been nothing but the bonds of camaraderie between them. 

How silly that idea had been. 

It’s no secret death disrupts pack stability, shakes the bonds that tie a pack together. He remembers how his Grannie’s death had shaken his family for weeks and it had taken months to return to what could be considered normal after a partially expected death of a member of the pack. What kind of damage would an unexpected and sudden death do to a pack? 

Johnny shakes the thought from his head. There was always a risk. They all knew that, they all agreed to that when they signed up. He knows Simon is highly skilled, well accustomed to working alone, to completing solo assignments successfully. The risk of something happening was always high, but he trusts Simon and puts faith in his skills. 

John goes back through the line once they finish, making a tray for you and piling it high as usual. It always makes him happy to see how well cared for you really are. Despite the circumstances of you being added to their pack, he knows it could have been so much worse. There’s worse packs, worse alphas out there. At least with them, you’re an equal. You’re their precious omega, and they’d make anyone who threatened you regret that decision. 

John is surprised the handle turns when he tries it. You’ve gotten up at least, but he’s not surprised to find you back in the same place you’ve likely been all day. He closes the door behind him before moving to your bed, setting the tray of food down on your nightstand. You squint as he flicks the lamp on, reaching up to rub your eyes. The bed dips as he sits on the edge, a quiet sigh leaving his lips. 

“I know this is hard for you.” He says softly, brushing his fingers across your bare arm. Your skin is warm, likely from being burrowed under the blankets. “I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now.” 

“He's gone.” You say quietly, your voice hoarse from crying. 

“Just for a while.” He says. “He’ll be back.” 

“But you can’t promise that.” You argue, pushing yourself up to sit. Your cheeks are still damp with tears, eyes red and lips still trembling. 

“There’s always a risk,” He says softly. “But you have to trust Simon. He’s not going down without a fight.” He sighs quietly as your gaze drops to your hands, your fingers picking at the skin around your fingers. He slips his hand into yours, stopping you from continuing. “What’s eating you?” 

“I should have told him.” You sniffle, your eyes on his hand as your fingers close around it. . 

“Told him what?” He prods gently, curiously. 

“That I love him.” You say, lifting your gaze to look at him. “I should have said it but I didn’t and now what if he doesn’t come back? I love all of you, and I don’t want you to leave, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” The words end in a sob, tears sliding down your cheeks again. 

Your words take him by surprise. It’s no secret how they feel about you, how their feelings have grown from curiosity to companionship to attraction and now to love. All of them have come to love you in their own ways, even Simon in his resistance wasn’t immune to his feelings, to their shared feelings towards you. 

“Look at me.” He cups your face gently, his thumbs wiping the falling tears. “I wish things didn’t have to be this way, I wish they hadn't picked us to be first for this. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to put you through this. I wouldn't change having you as my omega, but forcing you to live like this, to be left behind with the worry over something none of us can control.” He shakes his head. “It was a selfish decision by those who created the initiative.” 

“What...what happens if the initiative fails?” You ask softly. 

“We’re not giving you up.” He says, holding your gaze. “We wouldn’t want to, and we wouldn’t let it happen. You’ve been part of this pack since the day you stepped foot on this base. We wouldn’t have let you go then, and we sure as hell won’t now.” 

Your breathing is shaky as you stare at him, and he can see the wheels turning in your head, the hesitation as you debate whether you want to speak. He hates that you still feel this way, that you have to hide your thoughts from them out of fear or worry that they might be angered by them. He’s not sure there’s anything you could say that would anger him. 

“Would you ever leave for me?” You speak the words slowly, hesitantly, like they might bite you if you're not careful. 

He's not expecting it, though he has wondered if you'd ever ask it of them. If it might come to be too much and it leaves you no choice but to ask, to give them the ultimatum. He lets out a breath, all the answers he'd thought up in response gone as he sits face to face with you, as he faces this question out in the open for the first time. Tears are gathering in your eyes as you stare at him, taking his silence as second thoughts, as possible rejection. 

“Please be honest with me.” You whisper shakily, a tear slipping down your cheek. 

He watches its path as it slides down your cheek, pausing at the line of your jaw before it drips down onto your shirt. He lifts his gaze back to yours, the pain in them stabbing straight into his heart. He wants to say yes, that he'd leave in a heartbeat, give up what he'd worked his whole life to achieve, all for an omega. His omega. 

He wouldn't be able to sleep at night, knowing the kind of evils that exist in the world, the kinds of threats that linger in the dark. The evils that may pose a threat to you and his pack. You’ll never be truly safe, not so long as there’s others who know of your existence. Very few of them he’d truly trust with the knowledge that you pose a threat to their efficiency as a team, a weakness that could be exploited. 

What bloody fucking fools they were, leaving you alone like that. 

“Part of me wants to say no,” He admits honestly, ignoring the flash of pain in your eyes. “But it would depend on the situation. If your life was ever in danger because of us, then without question. If the initiative fails, if we can't adjust, then we may have no other choice.”

“The job comes first.” You say quietly, sounding defeated. 

“But there may come a time when it doesn't.” He says, trying to reassure you. “Don't worry about that too much right now.” He brushes a hand over your hair. “If a situation arises, then we'll talk about it further.” 

He leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You lean into him, letting out a quiet breath. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly. 

“I love you too.” He says, his lips brushing the top of your head. “And Simon knows how you feel.” 

You shift in his arms, pulling back just slightly to stare up at him. Your brows are pinched as you stare at him. “What do you mean?”

“Simon is very good at reading people. Their scents, their emotions, their body language. Years of training paired with his own natural abilities.” He smiles softly at you. “He knows how you feel.” 

“Oh,” You say, shrinking into yourself. 

“He'll likely convince himself it's not true, knowing him and how he thinks. You'll have to tell him to make him believe it.” He pats your leg under the blankets. “Don't worry too much about him. He'll be back before you know it.” He pushes himself up to stand. “Eat your dinner. We'll be around if you need anything.” 

“John?” You ask, stopping him before he can leave. 

He turns back around to face you. “Yes?”

“Thank you.” You say. “For everything.”

A small smile pulls at his lips. “Of course.”

You're just stepping out of the bathroom when the knock sounds on your door. You had gotten up to rinse your face with cold water, your skin starting to feel tight and itchy after nearly an entire day of uncontrollable tears. You freeze at the sound of knuckles tapping on the wood, your heart leaping into your chest. Is it one of the guys coming to tell you bad news? Has something happened to Simon? 

Or is he coming back already? 

You’re half scared, half hopeful as you make the short journey across your room to the door. You feel like you’re moving in slow motion as your fingers close around the handle, slowly pulling it open. 

Johnny is standing on the other side, his face a mix of worry and sadness. It doesn’t help the despair already starting to manifest in you. Something must have happened to Simon. Something’s gone wrong. He’s not coming back, or they’ll have to leave to help him. 

“Ye doin’ alright, kitten?” Johnny asks, his brows furrowing as he stares at you. 

“Yeah.” You can’t help but wince at the way your voice cracks around the word. You sniffle, wiping at your nose with your sleeve. 

“I have somethin’ for ye.” He says, his hands fiddling with the fabric he’s holding. You hadn't noticed it before now. “I was gonnae do Simon’s laundry, but I thought ye might want this.” 

It’s one of Simon’s shirts he’s holding out to you, one of the black standard cotton t-shirts he often sports. Your fingers tremble as you take it, bringing the fabric to your nose. You don’t care that it’s dirty, having likely been soaked in sweat at one point. You inhale deeply, nose pressed into the fabric. It smells of soap and deodorant and him. Tears well in your eyes as you take in the scent, almost as if you’re getting it directly from the source. 

You’re moving before you realize it, your arms wrapping around Johnny’s middle. He seems almost surprised by your action, his body tensing for a second before it relaxes, his arms wrapping around you. 

“Thank you.” You murmur against his chest, a couple tears slipping from your eyes. You’re so tired of crying, but you can’t stop. 

“Yer welcome, kitten.” He says, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “Ye need anythin’...” 

He leaves the other half unsaid, but you know what he means. You’re hesitant to pull away from him, wanting to just stand there and cling to him until Simon returns, but you know he’s busy. Eventually he’ll have to leave you too. You’re not sure you could handle watching him leave your nest, close your door behind him as he’s forced away to do his job. 

Your door clicks as you shut it, holding Simon’s shirt to your chest. You’re tempted to wear it, to slip it over your head and bathe yourself in your scent, but you know if you do that, his scent will just fade faster and become overwhelmed by your own. The desire to bury yourself in it is strong, let his scent sink into your body and overwhelm your own. 

Your eyes pass over the giant bear sitting in your desk chair before snapping back to look at it. An idea begins to form in your head as you set the shirt on your bed. 

You grab the bear, hauling it to your bed and sitting it on the edge. You pull the shirt over its head, stretching the neckline slightly. The shirt is slightly baggy on the bear, but you don’t care as you maneuver it so it’s laying on the bed, trying to picture Simon in its place. It would be a tight squeeze, but then again it always is with any member of your pack. Their bodies don’t leave much space on the narrow mattresses by themselves, much less with you curled up with them. You can’t help the stirring in your chest, the yearning for more space, for a bed big enough to fit all of you at the same time. Big enough for Johnny to starfish himself comfortably, for you to escape the inescapable suffocating heat of their bodies that will build up inevitably. 

Tears burn behind your eyes as you crawl onto the mattress, draping yourself across the giant bear. Simon’s scent wafts up around you as you press your face into the shirt, pretending it’s Simon you’re laying against. You can almost feel his arms wrap around you, holding onto you like you might disappear if he lets go. You squeeze your arms tighter around the bear, letting Simon’s scent seep into your mind and take away your fear and your worry and your pain for a little while. 

It’s two days later when you finally leave your room. You’ve managed to stop the onslaught of tears, calming down enough to exist without being a weepy mess. There’s still an ache in your chest, though, the gaping hole that won’t close. A piece of you is missing, a piece you hadn’t even noticed was there until it was ripped out of you suddenly and violently. Your hug with Johnny had been the first time it had felt less intense, the aching abating just slightly. 

They’ve just returned from their afternoon training, earlier than usual meaning they have some downtime before dinner. You can almost tell where he is before you leave your room, following the sounds of the TV. Your steps are slow and quiet, the cold tile biting into your bare feet as you approach the rec room. 

He’s seated on the couch, spread out as usual. His eyes flicker to you as you hesitate in the doorway, tugging at the hem of the baggy shirt you’re wearing. You’ve long forgotten whose it is, the name on the tag worn off and all hints of scent erased by the many times you’ve worn and washed it. The thought tugs at the hole in your chest. Eventually Simon’s shirt won’t smell like him anymore, faded and rubbed away by time and your own scent. 

“Hi kitten,” He says, breaking the silence between you. 

You let out a shaky breath before entering the rec room, approaching him. You can tell he’s expecting you to sit next to him, to curl up against his side by the way he moves his arm, but instead you straddle his lap, all but throwing yourself against his chest. He grunts quietly in surprise, his arm instinctively wrapping around your back. You lay your head on his shoulder, going limp in his hold. 

It doesn’t fix the hole, doesn’t remove the ache entirely, but you can feel it start to lessen as you sit there, getting as close to Simon as you possibly can through his beta. You wrap your arms around his neck, fingers twisting the fabric of his shirt. He wraps his other arm around you, holding you tightly as his scent begins to project around you. Nothing is said, but nothing has to be. He knows what you need, and he doesn’t even have to use his instincts to figure it out. 

A week goes by without a word from Simon or even about him and how he’s doing. You return to your normal routine in a numb, almost dazed state. You follow the rest of your pack around like a lost puppy, going to meals and following them to training when John allows, withdrawing back to your room like a recluse when you can’t. You sit in the rec room with them in the evenings, but you feel far away, distant from them and reality. You stare at the TV, but all you can see are blurry moving shapes. You can’t even read, often finding yourself staring at the cover until the words mesh and blur into something else. 

You never thought the distance could feel like this. You almost miss the fear of them all being gone. At least that had made you feel something. 

You see Dr. Keller twice as usual, both appointments unproductive as you fight to force some kind of life into yourself to drown out the numbness that’s settled. You’re far away, distracted from everything. Even food tastes different, more mushy and flavorless than usual. 

They’re worried about you. Even in your numb state you can tell that. John hovers closer, allowing you to follow them more than he probably should. It’s not like you’re paying much attention to what they’re doing, seated far away from anything that might put you at risk as you stare up at the sky, or off at the trees in the distance. Even when you’re inside, your gaze is far away, never quite focusing on anything. 

Johnny and Kyle keep you close as much as they can, squishing you between them on the couch or when you walk to meals. They’re always touching you, holding your hands, brushing your skin, wrapping their arms around you. They’re trying to comfort you, and it works for a little bit, not even your numbness impervious to a beta’s soothing presence. They hold onto you like they’re trying to keep you grounded to the earth, like you might float off and disappear into space if they don’t. 

You don’t sleep well, electing to sleep in your room every night. It’s a vast difference to what you had been doing, avoiding your room as much as possible. You’re seeking out the safety of your nest, a comfort only it can provide despite everything that’s happened. You feel bad for pushing them away, keeping them at a distance, but at the same time, you don’t care. 

You just want Simon back. 

“I’m worried.” 

“I know. I’m surprised you didn’t come here sooner.” 

He feels strange, sitting in Dr. Keller’s office alone. It’s not the first time he’s been here, spoken to her about you. After their return from their first assignment, he had sat with Dr. Keller and gone over everything that had happened during their absence, or at least as much as she could tell him. Anything you talked about was considered confidential, but at least she could tell him if there were any issues or incidents. 

“She’s depressed.” Dr. Keller answers before he can even ask. “It’s not uncommon for omegas to become depressed after separation. Even when there’s necessary splitting of a pack into a satellite, there’s a risk for all omegas to develop depression because of it.”

He should have known. He’s seen it happen to soldiers, when the blood staining their hands grows to be too much and they begin to recluse in their own bodies, becoming empty shells of who they were before. You’ve become a shell, a body simply existing out of necessity. 

“What can we do?” He asks, unable to keep the mask up, to hide his concern and fear. 

“Not much more than you have been.” She says. “Keep supporting her, reminding her that you’re there. There’s an adjustment when a bond begins to weaken. Omegas are especially susceptible to it, and with how strongly connected and aware of her instincts and emotions she is, it’s going to affect her more.” Dr. Keller sighs, leaning her arms on her desk. “I don’t think anyone has ever taught her how to balance or even use those purebred instincts. Institutes are supposed to, but from what we know, they teach subservience over anything.” 

John shifts in his seat. Of course no one would have cultivated those abilities. It would have made you too aware, made the risk of you being able to manipulate them too high. Your job was to serve them above all else, so why would those teaching you want to give you that ability? Those instincts would have made you a perfect omega, able to pick up on the slightest changes, the needs of your pack. Yet, if you became too aware of your own abilities, it would give you too much power over them. That’s the one thing institutes don’t want...an omega that knows how powerful they are. 

“How do we teach her?” He asks. 

“I can help her with balancing those instincts and emotions, but only someone who knows can really teach her how to be successful at using them.” 

“Simon.” He says, the pieces beginning to come together. 

“If he didn’t know how before, his military training would have cultivated those instincts. That’s why purebreds are so sought after by militaries. Of course, it’s a bit different for alphas and omegas, but you are two sides of the same coin.” Dr. Keller smiles. “She’s smart. She’ll begin to figure it out on her own once she’s aware she can do it. In the meantime, just keep doing what you’re doing. If there’s some way she can talk to him or get in contact with him, that may help alleviate some of the depression.” 

He knows it won’t be likely, but if it will help you, he’s willing to take that risk. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

He stands outside your door, staring at the knob. It’s late, his eyes burning from exhaustion. He’s stressed, not just from the day to day stressors of his job, but your obvious pain and discomfort has been affecting him. It’s affecting all of them. Kyle and Johnny’s times on the course have slowed, their aim is off, and he knows they’re not sleeping well either. 

Even with you beginning to return to your normal routine, your distance from them has proven to affect them more than your presence. Even with you around them, your numbed, absent state has disrupted their abilities to function, to exist as a normal pack. He’s relayed the sudden change to Kate in an attempt to prove his decision not to leave you alone is the right one, and it will help his case should they decide to try and separate you from the pack. 

He can’t think of a reason why they would now. The bonds are too strong. The separation of just one of them has proven to disrupt the bonds between all five of you. He can only imagine how Simon is feeling, being apart from everyone. It’s never bothered him before, but that had been before your presence. If Simon was incapable of fulfilling his duties and performing the task he had been assigned, they would have forced him out of the field and sent him back by now. 

Perhaps your fears were right and Simon isn’t as in love as John thought he was. 

He shakes the thought from his head. He’s seen the way Simon looks at you, the obvious change in his demeanor since your trip to town, the changes that have happened in your demeanor around him. Simon cares for you deeply, more than just as an alpha in your pack. 

He tries the handle of your door, surprised again when it opens. He might have thought you’d start locking it at night again with how much you’ve regressed. Maybe this was your silent plea for help, for comfort, for something other than the emptiness inside you. He slips into the room, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light of your nightlight in the corner. He can’t see you except for your arm tossed around the giant bear. It’s wearing a black shirt, likely the one Johnny had given you. It was a good decision, offering you at least an extension of the missing alpha. 

He approaches the bed quietly, not wanting to startle you. He doesn’t want to climb over you either, but he knows moving the bear will wake you. Perhaps you’re exhausted and sleeping hard enough he won’t disturb you. 

He picks the lesser of two evils, lifting the bear. He curses silently when your body shoots up as soon as the bear slips from your grasp. 

“No!” You shout, almost like an angry child having their toy taken away. It’s a desperate sound, a shocking one, ringing loud in the silence. You’re reaching for the bear, trying to tug it from his hands. 

“Easy, easy.” He says, putting his hand on your arm, your movements slowing to a stop as his touch brings back to reality. “I’m just moving him.” He shifts the bear to your other side, your body rolling to follow it. 

He climbs into the bed, barely managing to fit on the mattress. It’s a tight squeeze with the two of you and the bear, but he’ll manage it. He’s slept in tighter places. He slips an arm under you, the other reaching across you to settle on the bear. 

“Tight squeeze with the three of us.” He says quietly, trying to ease some of the tension. 

“Need bigger beds.” You murmur, voice slightly muffled from where your face is pressed against the bear. 

He chuckles quietly. “I won’t argue with that. Perhaps someday.” 

You shift slightly at his words, obviously not expecting him to continue your conversation from earlier this week. He normally tried to avoid thinking too far into the future. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up for something he might never get to have. Or, at least he used to feel that way. 

Things have changed. 

“I used to think this job would be all I did.” He continues, speaking almost to himself. “I’d never grow old enough to retire. Someday I’d die in the field and that was good enough for me. Then, of course, things changed. Had those three other muppets to worry about.” He slips his arm from the bear to wrap around your stomach. “Then another little muppet got added. Now I’m thinking about a nice little cottage by the sea, big enough for five, with a nice flower garden in the front. Just a short walk to the beach, where we can sit and watch the sun set.” 

“White picket fence dreams.” You say quietly. 

“Or at least the British equivalent of that.” He says, a smile tugging at his lips. 

You shift slightly in his arms, pressing back against his chest as you turn as far as you can. “You mean it?” 

“Of course.” He says, his thumb gently rubbing your stomach through your shirt. “Things have changed. Priorities have shifted, and not just for me.” 

He presses his forehead against the side of your head, breathing in the soft scent of your strawberry body wash and the new vanilla scented shampoo Johnny had gotten you. There’s a faint hint of leather beneath your scent, the smell rubbing off from Simon’s shirt you dressed the bear in. He can almost imagine Simon in place of the bear, both of their arms tangling around you as they surround you and keep you safe from the outside world. Just a moment of peace in the hectic violence and chaos of their lives. 

“John?” You say quietly, pulling him from the edge of sleep that had settled in his mind. 

He hums quietly in response, forcing himself back to consciousness again. 

There’s a moment’s pause, a second of silence, and for a moment he wonders if you’re going to speak at all. “Don’t let go.” You finally say, your voice quiet and broken in the silence. 

“Never.” He says, tightening his hold around you. 

John's phone ringing drags you from the light sleep you had managed to slip into. It hasn't been long since you drifted off you think, but then again, it's hard to tell. It's still dark out, and you're still in the same position. John lets go of you to reach for his phone on your nightstand barely managing to grab it at the awkward angle he’s at. 

His voice is rough with sleep as he answers. “Hello?” 

It's quiet for a moment. You can't hear much aside from a male voice on the other side. You can't tell who it is or what they're saying. 

“Good to hear.” He says, slipping into the Captain again. 

Something stirs in your stomach as you try to listen, try to catch who it is. Just one word, just one hint. 

“I'm sure.” There’s another pause, this one feeling like a lifetime. “I have someone here next to me that would like to talk to you too.”

You nearly elbow John in the stomach in your frantic attempt to turn over. You yank the offered phone from his hand as you lean the top half of your body on his stomach. “Hello?” Your voice wavers as you say it, the emotions beginning to stir within you again. 

There's a second delay before you hear it. “Hello, love.” 

You nearly cry at finally hearing his voice again, the pet name causing a fluttering in your stomach. You've never heard him call you that before. “I missed you.” You finally say, managing to get the words out. 

“That's what I'm hearing.” He says, and you can imagine the lifting of his cheeks under the mask, the slight crinkle of his eyes as he smiles. 

“When will you be back?” You ask. 

“Soon. Won't be much longer.” He says. 

“Be careful.” You say, your breathing shaky. “You better not come back hurt.” You're not sure you could handle it if he came back on a stretcher, or even with a single bandaid. 

“Yes ma'am.” He says seriously, but you can hear the humor in his tone. “I'll try my best.” 

“Good.” You say, wanting to lay there, to listen to him breathing for a while, just so that you know he’s really there, he’s really alright. You know you can’t though, your fingers shaking as you pass the phone back to John. 

He speaks to Simon for a couple more minutes while you lay across his stomach, listening to the rumble of his voice in your ear. Relief is flooding through you after hearing Simon's voice. He's really alright, he's fine, he's coming home. 

“You alright, sweetheart?” John asks after hanging up, his hand coming to rest on your back. 

A thousand words want to come out of your mouth, but you can't get them up past the lump in your throat. “He called me love.” You finally say, replaying the pet name over and over in your head. 

“Did he?” John asks, and you can picture the way his lips turn up in a smile. 

“He's never called me that before.” You say. 

“Well then I'm sure he meant it.” John says. 

You sure hope so. 

It's a week later when you get to stand on the tarmac again, waiting for a plane to land. It's early, the sky clear and the sun just starting to rise over the trees, casting everything in a golden light. It’s so vastly different from how the world had looked when he left, the weather seeming to convey your inner feelings. The rain and darkness a perfect symbol of the dread and pain of him leaving. Now that he’s returning the sun is out and the sky is clear, conveying your relief. You’re beginning to feel again, the ache in your chest beginning to lessen. It’s the most alive you’ve felt since he left. 

You're in a dress today, the yellow sundress that Johnny had bought you. You wonder if he’d done it on purpose, perhaps knowing something you don’t. Despite the sun rising, there’s still a chill in the air, and you had quickly stolen his sweatshirt to cover your bare shoulders. 

You squeeze John's hand as the plane comes in to land, watching it approach in eager anticipation. You're going to hug him tightly, throw your arms around him and refuse to let go until you have no choice. You're going to give him the greeting he deserved weeks ago when they all came back. 

He's like a magnet, halfway down the ramp when you start approaching, moving without even thinking. He's in his full mask, the one with the half skull sewed to it. He looks dangerous and deadly, the true visage of a Ghost, but you approach without fear, without hesitation. Underneath all of it you know there’s Simon, the man you’ve quickly fallen in love with. 

You're ready to hug him, to feel him again, to wrap yourself around him like you could sink right into his body. 

You're not prepared for what he does next. 

One of his hands reaches up, the fabric of his gloves rough on your skin as he grips your chin, his thumb on one side, digging into your jaw, the other four fingers on the other side holding your head still. His other hand pulls his mask up over his mouth, giving you a glimpse of his stubble and chapped lips. 

You don't get to look long as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. 

It's like time freezes as he kisses you, your skin erupting in goosebumps, and it's not from the cold air. You weren't expecting this, your brain trying to catch up, to process that this is really happening, that this is real. 

He tilts your head to the side, deepening the kiss as he leans closer into you. Your hands reach up, closing around the sleeves of his jacket. He's real, he's really here, and he's kissing you. 

The moment likely doesn't last more than 30 seconds, but it feels like forever as his lips move against yours. It might be cliche to say fireworks are going off, but that may have just been the engines of the plane shutting down.  

He finally pulls away from you, his hand still gripping your jaw. You could melt into a puddle right there, his eyes speaking volumes of what's going on in his head. He's done a lot of thinking in his time away. You wonder how many thoughts you've shared over the last two weeks. 

“Should have done that before I left.” He says, his voice rough, but just as you remember. 

Tears prick behind your eyes as you stare up at him. His fingers are digging into your jaw, but you don’t care. He’s here, he’s back, he’s safe, and he just kissed you like you’d wanted to before he left. 

“I wish you had.” You say, as he slowly releases your jaw, his hand brushing your throat before it drops to his side. You let out a shaky breath before throwing your arms around him, holding onto him tightly. 

“What are you doing?” He says, taking you back all those weeks ago to when you hugged him the first time. There’s no confusion in his tone now though, instead there’s an amused lilt to it. 

“Giving you the hug you deserve so you don't get mad at me.” You say, your voice slightly muffled from your face being squished against his chest.

“You think I'd get mad about not getting a hug after kissing you?” He asks, patting your back. 

“Just making sure.” You say, his chuckle reverberating in your ear. 

You don’t release him as he begins to walk to where the others are, keeping your arms wrapped around him tightly. He greets the others, Johnny squishing you between them as he hugs his alpha. You don't care as Ghost's armor digs into your body, it's just a reminder that this is real. He's really here. This isn’t a dream. 

He's really back. 

You sit between Simon and Johnny in the back seat of the car. It's a tight squeeze between the two, but you don't care one bit. Johnny's hand rests on your thigh as John drives back to the barracks. Perhaps you’re still reeling a bit from the kiss, or perhaps it’s Simon’s scent, but you want to push Johnny’s hand higher, hike up your dress and hope Simon gets a peek at what's waiting underneath. You won’t though. You want him to be comfortable. You want your first moments of intimacy to be just the two of you, something special. 

Dread begins to fill you again as the car rolls to a stop outside the barracks. You know what to expect now, having gone through it once before. He’s not truly back, he still has to leave you again. At least this time, you have the others. 

“I'll see you soon.” Simon says, squeezing your arm. 

“Hurry back?” You stare up at him. 

“As fast as I can.” He says, the corners of his eyes crinkling. 

You're tempted to kiss him again, but you don't want to push his boundaries. Sure, he had kissed you, but it could have been a fluke, a one time thing born out of desire and time spent apart. 

You won't care if he never kisses you again. At least you know what it feels like. 

Thankfully he makes the decision for you as he turns his body slightly towards you, as much as he can in the tight space. He lifts the bottom of his mask, leaning down to kiss you again. You purr against his lips, your scent exploding in the car like a smoke bomb. 

Johnny lets out an extensive curse as he fumbles for the door handle, forcing it open in an attempt to escape the sudden onslaught. Kyle is quick to follow, allowing more air in to disperse the intensity of your scent in the confined space. John rolls his window down, lighting a cigar, trying to do anything to keep your scent from going straight to his head. 

You feel giddy and almost proud as Simon places one last soft peck against your lips. You don’t want to let him go, but you know you have to. He’s not quite yours yet. He still has more of his job to do before then. 

Always the job first. 

Your lips are still tingling as you walk into the barracks, your heart still fluttering in your chest. Johnny is staring at you, almost walking sideways. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, your face warming. 

“What?” You ask, finally looking at him. He’s wearing that stupid, smug grin on his face again.

“Been a long time since I've seen him like that�� He says, squeezing your arm gently. “Not since his first romp with Kyle.” 

You turn to look at the other beta behind you who simply shrugs. “What can I say? No one's immune to my charm.” He gives you a dazzling smile. He’s not wrong, his smile causing butterflies to flutter in your stomach. 

“Cannae wait to see him glowin’ after his first taste of our sweet omega.” Johnny says, backing you against the wall. 

“Yeah, well, you might be waiting forever for that.” You say, stopping his approach with a hand on his chest. 

He tilts his head at you, his brows furrowing. “What do ye mean, kitten?” 

“I'm not even sure he's going to want that, much less if he'll do it.” You shrug. The thought has been going through your mind despite the kiss in the car. Though he’s kissed you twice, that’s a big leap to make, a leap you might never make. 

Johnny snorts at your response. “Kitten, he's been holdin’ himself back for weeks. He's just worried he may...be too much for ye.”

You give Johnny a look. “I can handle you, can't I?”

Johnny grins. “Aye, but this is...different. He's not gonnae make the first move. If ye want it,” He leans in closer. “Yer gonnae have to do it yourself.”

“Well,” You slip under his arm, nearly making him faceplant on the wall. “Then I best save my stamina for him, then.” 

Kyle laughs, patting Johnny's back. “Set yourself up for that one, mate.”

You peel off Johnny's sweatshirt, adjusting the top of your dress before tossing his sweatshirt to him. “I'll see you both later.” You give them a smirk before turning on your toes, heading back to your room. 

Johnny curses quietly behind you, and you just know his eyes are glued to your ass. 

Johnny’s words replay over and over in your head as you go through your day as usual. Simon had returned to the barracks, going straight to his room to shower. You had been tempted to step into the hallway, to wait for him, but you know he’s not free yet. He still has paperwork to do, which you know from experience that could take a long time. 

Thankfully, that gives you plenty of time to think about what you’re going to do. You're going to have to make the first move, but what if you move too fast? How do you even broach the subject? 

“Hey Simon, welcome back. Would you like to rearrange my guts?” 

“I cried the whole time you were gone, would you like to make me cry for a different reason?”

“Bend me over and fuck me like a real alpha.”

You facepalm at your own thoughts. You could just slowly initiate it. Start with touches, getting closer, more kisses. Leave yourself open to him in hopes he gets the message, that he pushes past that boundary and finally fucks you like he wants to. 

Heat blooms in your stomach, sinking between your legs. You're all worked up and he’s only kissed you twice. Johnny’s words don’t help the fantasies in your mind. He’s scared you won’t be able to handle him. A shiver runs down your spine at the thought. He’s a big man. You know, you’ve felt it before. It’s hard not to, with some of the positions he’s put you in during your training, nothing but those grey sweatpants and his underwear as a barrier. 

You wonder how he'll do it. Bend you over so you won't see his face? Keep the mask on and put you on your back so you can hold eye contact with him? Or will he finally take the mask off, finally let you see his face? 

You assume the others have seen it, so when will it be your turn? 

It’s not until after dinner when you hear footsteps down the hall. Johnny had gotten food for Simon who was still deep in his paperwork when you left for the mess. Despite his absence at the table still, it had felt less gaping, less like a black hole threatening to suck you all in. He’s back, he’s here. Soon he’ll fill that empty space again. 

You try to stop yourself from running out of your room when the steps get closer. You’re not even sure it’s him. You don’t want to disappoint the others if you leave your room so excitedly in the hopes that they’re Simon. So instead, you stay seated on the edge of your bed, staring at your unlocked door. You want him to open it, to step into your room, but you know he won’t. He’s never been in your room. The furthest he’s entered is your doorway. 

You’ll have to make the first move. 

Your stomach nearly leaps out of your body as the boots stop in front of your door. You hold your breath in anticipation, too scared to move, too scared to throw open the door and risk your excitement being too much. You might push him away in your eagerness, but you’re not sure you can hide it much longer. You’d let him bend you over with the door open, hell, you’d let him take you in the hallway. 

One step at a time. One step at a time. 

You repeat it over and over in your head as you push yourself off your bed, moving to the door. He’s not going to knock, he’s going to wait for you to open it, for you to remove that barrier between you. He’s giving you the chance to change your mind, to go back, to call the two kisses enough and draw the line where you want it. 

The doorknob is cold in your sweaty hand as you grasp it, turning it slowly. The gavel is falling, the slow opening of the door marks the finality, the crumbling of the final barrier. There’s no going back. The bond is too strong, the line has been removed completely. 

You stare up at Simon as the door swings as far as it will open. His eye black is gone, washed off in the shower revealing the pale skin underneath. He smells good, cleaner than he had on the tarmac. You can smell it despite the space between you. Under the smell of his generic soap you can pick up his natural scent. Leather and eucalyptus and the musk of alpha. You want to drown yourself in it, rub it all over your skin until your own scent is gone. 

“Hi.” You say, goosebumps forming across your skin from the intensity of his gaze. You’d forgotten how sharp it is, how easily he can peel away your layers as he stares at you. 

“Hi.” He says, his voice rumbling deep in his chest. You’d forgotten how deep it really is, the roughness around the edges harsher than usual, but you expected that. They had all been a bit hoarse after returning from their group deployment. 

You continue to stare at him, lost in his earthy gaze. The hole in your chest has lessened to almost nothing, slowly the bond repairing itself just from the knowledge he's here, he’s standing in front of you. He’s real. 

You clear your throat, smoothing your hands over your dress. His eyes drop, following the movement. “I thought you'd want to rest.” It's the first thing you can think of to say, speechless in his presence. He must be tired. 

“I slept on the plane.” He shrugs. 

“Yeah, but surely a real bed is a relief.” You say. You’d half expected him to retreat to his room, seeking out a comfortable bed. They’re not all that comfortable, but compared to what he probably was sleeping on these last couple weeks, it must feel like heaven. 

“Probably is.” He says, his gaze shifting back to your face. 

You sink your teeth into your lip as you stare up at him. You’re testing the waters, pushing into new territory as the last walls of the barrier crumble around you. “You could go rest.” You say, shifting on your feet, giving him the option to turn away, to change his mind. “I’m sure you missed your bed.” 

He’s still as a statue as he looms in your doorway, his frame filling it easily, making you feel small. “I'd rather relax in yours.”

Your face warms at his words, not expecting him to say that. The warmth pooling in your stomach intensifies, your heart fluttering in your chest. You’re not sure what happened during his assignment, what caused such a drastic change. You want to know what went through his head, what he was thinking about. Did he picture you at night when he got a moment to rest? Was he imagining you there with him, curled up against him? Or was he picturing you in other positions? 

You might never know, just another secret hidden between you. 

A shudder runs through him. You can see it, the slight twitch in his body, his hands closing into fists. He’s responding to you, to your scent. Such power you could hold over him if you were brave enough to try. 

Such power he could hold over you, if he wanted to. 

“You could come in.” You say, taking half a step back in invitation. 

He doesn’t move, still frozen there like a statue. You wonder how he stays so still, but that was probably part of his training. Be as steady as possible while shooting, how to be invisible even in broad daylight. “You're sure?” He finally rumbles out, his foot shifting just a centimeter, but you catch it. 

You shrug. “Why not? You are part of this pack. You could have entered sooner, if you wanted to. I wouldn’t have minded.” 

He hesitates for just a second before moving his foot from the tile and into your room. He pauses there for a moment, watching you, waiting for a reaction. It’s your turn to stay still, staring up at him as he makes the slow transition into your room, venturing into your sacred space, a place he’s never been in before. 

He moves the other foot, taking the first step over that line, pushing himself past that barrier, leaving it crumbling behind him. 

There’s no going back. 

Something shifts inside you as he enters your room, a weight you hadn’t even realized was there lifting off your shoulders. The hole in your chest is gone, the missing piece back in place. All the tumultuous emotions, all the stress and the fear and the anguish is gone. Your room is safe again, complete again with him in it. Tears prick at your eyes as relief floods through you. No one is getting in, no one can get in now, not with him here. You want to hug him, to kiss him again, drag him onto the bed and make him hold you for a while. 

You don’t. You stay still as he takes in your space, his eyes scanning your belongings and your decorations. He’s never truly seen it in the light. The only time he’d stared into it was that morning when you thought maybe someone had broken in, when your fear had fucked with your emotions enough to think they’d truly let someone enter without their knowledge. 

How silly that thought had been. 

His eyes move to your bed, landing on the giant bear wearing his black shirt. Your teeth sink into your lip as you stare at it as well, suddenly thinking you should have removed the shirt, shoving it into your laundry and moving the bear back to your desk. Yet, you want him to see it, want him to see that you tried to comfort yourself in his absence, tried to make a placeholder for him. You won’t need it now, though. Not with the real thing standing in your space. 

He shakes his head as he stares at it, rolling his eyes as he lets out a sigh. “Fucking hell.”

NEXT ->

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[twice-inamillion]

The Company 

New Assistant 

Smut (Defloration, first-time sex, deep penetration, creampie, whinging, rough sex, ass spanking, little aftercare, slave contract)

Chapter 17

3975 Words 

(It’s time for a new assistant with Irene getting busy with her new girl group. Luckily she has a junior assistant in training that is due for a promotion. As her new boss it is required for you to welcome her and break her in.)

The office has been busy since returning from San Francisco. Multiple meetings with project managers, clients, partner companies, and personal meetings. You previously met with JYP and suggested a survival show with the trainees from his company. He mentioned it would give it a twist when it comes to the creation of a girl group. 

At first, you were hesitant, but after much discussion about what it would look like, you decided to get on board. You even considered adding Mina as a contestant since you were confident in her skills. 

The only thing remaining would be to inform the trainees about their participation in a survival show, so you and JYP decided to hold a meeting with all the trainees.

The meeting went as you suspected; the trainees were nervous about their participation. The younger trainees saw this as a way to prove themselves and increase their chances of debut, while the older ones voiced their disapproval. 

Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and especially Jihyo were angry at JYP for even suggesting the idea after their failed attempts at debut. 

Jihyo cries from disappointment, with the other two comforting her, knowing how much they have worked for these past few years. 

The meeting ends, leaving a sour taste in your mouth, not knowing how to react. You should have gone with your gut, but it's too late to change your mind, and only for the best outcome. 

When you get back to your office, you discuss things with Jieun (IU) and understand the situation. Being closer to them, she has learned a few things and has learned how disappointed 3Mix would be with their recent failed attempt. They assumed that switching companies would have an easier path to debut, especially Jihyo, who has been in training for the longest time among the trainees in the company. 

“I can’t back out.”

”I understand, sir, but try to be a bit understanding.”

”I’ll try.

The room is silent; you can feel the tension in the air and ask, “What’s next on the agenda?”

”You have a meeting with Irene to discuss about Miyeon.” 

“When is that?

”Later today, it's your last meeting.”

”Thank you.”

———

You hear a knock, “Sir, it’s Irene.”

”Come in.”

”Thank you.” She stands in front of you with folders in her hands, waiting for you to look up at her. 

“Take a seat.”

”Yes.”

”Let’s get to the point. How is she doing?”

”At the beginning, she had a bit of an adjustment to her new schedule. She asked a lot of questions but began to pick things up at a reasonable pace. I also made sure she continued her education and decided to pursue higher education.”

”That’s great. Seems like these few months have been good for her.”

”Yes, I tried not to give her so much at the beginning and slowly increased her workload. Now that I’m in my group, she makes my duties easier.”

”Do you think she can take over your duties once you get busier?”

”With the basic stuff, yes. I haven’t even her any sensitive information yet.”

”Let me ask you one thing. Do you think she can be trusted?”

”She hasn’t let me down. So yes, I think she can, but I can't promise she won’t make a mistake.”

”Jieun suggested a contract like the two of you have as assurance.”

Irene looks perplexed about Jieun's suggestion, “Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

”No, that’s a great idea. I should have mentioned it sooner.” 

In reality, Miyeon has grown on Irene throughout their time together. Hearing about binding her into a contract like the one she is in saddens her as she knows that Miyeon’s freedom will be stripped. 

“Here are her files, sir.”

You read over her report, the things she’s helped Irene with, and her newly gained skills as an assistant. You opened her health file and noticed that her birthday was recent, “Oh, she just turned eighteen. How nice.”

Irene clenches her fist, seeing your grin. She understands what you’re thinking and is disgusted by it.

”Yes, I bought her a birthday and a small dinner together.”

”That’s sweet.”

”Thank you, sir.”

You close her file and say, “Thank you for the report. I’ll have IU put together her new contract and set up a health check for Miyeon as soon as possible.”

”Is that really necessary?”

”I would have thought you would be happy. She’ll take over some of your duties unless you want her to?”

”No, I’m grateful,” but she just felt sorry for Miyeon.

”Okay, you can go now.”

Irene exits your office, defeated, and heads to meet her members in the training room.

——-

It’s been a few days since your meeting with Irene, and now Jieun and Irene are meeting with Miyeon. 

She’s nervous about the meeting, hoping it's about her effort as a junior assistant. 

She is greeted by Jieun and escorted to the conference room you use for private meetings. 

“Irene unnie, good morning.”

”Good morning, Miyeon.” 

They sit and discuss Miyeon’s position as a junior assistant. It’s most of what you and Irene talked about a few days ago, but now it comes to the main part. Irene mentions that she believes Miyeon can take on a larger role within the company. This makes Miyeon smile and happy about her efforts being looked at after her mistake a few months ago. 

“Irene and I would like to consider you for the position of one of the CEO’s personal assistants.” 

Miyeon looks surprised and at Irene sitting across from her, “Does that mean that I’ll be working in the same position as you, unnie?”

Irene replies, “Actually, I’ll be taking a small role since I am trying to focus on my group, but you’ll be working closely with Jieun.”

Jieun interrupts and asks, “What do you think? Would you be interested in the position?”

Miyeon immediately replies, “Yes, I’d love that. I want to prove myself to everyone here after my incident a few months back, so I would love to do my share.”

”Great, that’s the sprint,” says Jieun. “We figured you would accept, so I brought up a contract for the meeting. You know, just to make this official.”

”Yes, of course.”

She goes over the contract and covers the position as the CEO’s assistant, as well as some benefits.

”I talked to CEO-nim, and he said that you’ll be getting a biweekly salary and spending money.” 

Miyeon looks at the contract and is surprised by the amount, “Oh my god, isn’t that too much?”

”He wants to make sure you’re comfortable.”

”Thank you so much.”

”Of course. Also, this section talks about you moving in with the CEO and assisting in his daily needs, like taking notes, setting up meetings, getting his dry cleaning, making sure he has his meals and other miscellaneous things.”

”Oh, I’ll be living with him?”

She looks at Irene, worried, and Irene responds, “We’ve all done it at one point, mainly at the beginning. Once you get out of your probationary period, you will have the ability to move out to your own apartment like we did.”

“Oh, I get my own apartment?”

“Irene says, “Yes, like the one we live in. The CEO provides it for us.”

”Okay, I’m excited.”

”Down below are some of the perks that come with the job.” 

Miyeon looks at the list and is surprised by the amount of perks, each better than the previous one.”

”Where do I sign?”

Irene interrupts, “Wait, we also want to let you know that this job comes with sensitive information, so confidentiality is required.”

”Yes, I understand.”

”Are you sure? Would you like us to give you some time as you read over the contract to make sure that everything is okay?”

Jieun gives Irene a side eye, signaling to not step out of bounds.

She turns the numerous pages and skims over the large letters that talk about job expectations, payment, sickness, insurance, dental, memberships, education opportunities, a termination clause, and other issues that are in fine print. 

“Where do I sign?”

Jieun points at the numerous blank spaces that require Miyeon’s signature. After signing about ten pages, she gets to the eleventh page and asks, “I have fully read and understood the content of this agreement. I sign this document entirely of my own accord without any enforcement and accept any consequences if the agreement is violated or broken. 

Irene tries to get Miyeon’s attention, but Jieun stops her, allowing Miyeon to give her final signature and stamps her Dojang (family seal) as a signed agreement. 

A tear falls from Irene, knowing that Miyeon has sealed her fate as your newest toy. “Unnie, are you crying?”

”Sorry, it's just that…”

”Irene is just happy for you, that's all.”

“Aww, thanks, unnie. I’ll make sure to make you proud.”

Irene feels like she’s about to cry and says, “Oh wow, look at the time. I have another commitment to get to. I’ll take my leave, but Jieun will continue with your onboarding.”

”Thanks again, unnie.”

Irene walks away and exits the room, leaving Jieun and Miyeon alone. Jieun asks Miyeon if she has any questions, and they continue to talk for a while. Most questions are about the role and about the chance to debut in the near future. Jieun replies that anything about her debut is up to the CEO, but she and Irene can answer questions about the job.

Jieun then takes out a folder with Miyeon’s name on the front, “I have your health file right here. It shows that all shots are up to date and have no signs of illness; they are practically healthy.”

”Yes, I take care of myself.”

”It shows.”

Miyeon giggles at the compliment when she hears Jieun ask, “Miyeon, are you still a virgin?”

”Ehh?”

Surprised by the question, she tries to calm herself before answering in a shaky voice, “Ye… yes, I am.”

”Just wondering. Since of your previous mistake.”

There’s a moment of silence, causing Miyeon to feel nervous, but Jieun changes the conversation, “I’ll submit the paperwork today, and your new badge should be ready for tomorrow. Also, begin packing, and I’ll send someone to pick up your items in the morning. 

——

Miyeon has spent most of the night packing her belongings. She tried to talk to Irene but never got home. Waking up, she sees a message on her phone from Irene saying that she ended up crashing at her member’s dorm after practice and will see her later today. 

Miyeon hears a ring and sees it’s the workers from the moving company. They help take her belongings to the CEO’s condo, where Jieun greets them. She escorts you to your room, which is much bigger than the one she was in previously. 

After unpacking the necessities, Miyeon accompanies Jieun to her office, where she gets her new badge and a copy of her job requirements and daily and weekly assignments. 

“It’s going to be most of the things you do now, but over time, you’ll be responsible for what’s on the bottom of the list.”

“Okay, got it.”

“Also, this is what a typical schedule for the CEO looks like. Meetings throughout the day, but his mornings and evenings are mostly free, and there are gaps throughout the day.”

Miyeon looks at the schedule and sees an asterisk for the morning and late evenings. “What are the asterisks for?”

“The CEO might need your help in the morning. For the evenings, it’s just helping him after a long day at work.” 

“Oh, like a massage?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Oh, okay. I’ve done that before with my appa and eomma.”

“Nice. I’ll show you how it’s done since it’s your first time.”

“Thank you, Jieun unnie.”

“You can go home and unpack. Just meet me in my apartment around dinner. I want to go over some things with you.”

——

Miyeon meets Jieun at her apartment a few hours later. They both enjoy a simple dinner and talk about their personal life when she receives a notification that you arrived back at your condo.

“He’s back from his dinner. Let’s get ready and greet him.” She looks at Miyeon and says, “Come with me. I’ll give you some things to make sure you look presentable for today.” 

They exit the elevator and head towards the large doors. Using their pin, they enter the room and hear the shower. 

“Seems like he’s showering. Come with me.” 

Miyeon follows Jieun to the service room and starts to get undressed. Surprised, Miyeon asks, “What are you doing, unnie?”

“Get undressed, rinse yourself, and put this on,” as Jieun hands her a two-piece bikini.

Jieun looks at Miyeon as she shows a lost expression, “Quickly before he gets out.” 

“What are we doing?”

“Service.” 

“Ehh?” 

She helps Miyeon undress and pulls her to the shower. Miyeon tries to cover herself with her arm but is shocked by the cold water coming from the shower head. Miyeon’s mind goes wild, thinking of what type of service Jieun meant. 

After rinsing, they quickly dry themselves and put on their bikini before coming out of the service room.  

They see you swimming in your pool, going from one end to the other. Before reaching the sliding door, Jieun pulls Miyeon to the slide and whispers, “Make sure to do whatever he asks. He can be nice, but if you rub him the wrong way, he’ll make your life rough and even ruin your career.”

Miyeon nods nervously and follows Jieun, who slides the door open and walks towards the side of the pool. She waits until your head pops out of the water and waves at you. 

“Good evening, sir. I see that you’re enjoying your swim.”

”After a busy day at work, I couldn’t help myself. It’s such a stress reliever.”

”That’s great to hear. I brought Miyeon with me today,” and waves at you to step forward.

”Good evening, sir,” and bows her head.

”I see that Jieun is teaching you properly.”

”Of course. May we join you?”

”Yes”, giving a satisfied smile.

Jieun walks towards the edge of the pool, grabs the rail, and walks into the pool. 

You look at Miyeon, who is standing frozen, “Join us.” She nods and follows, walking slowly into the pool. She makes her way to where you two are and is surprised to see your hand on Jieun’s ass. 

Jieun giggles and gets closer to you, letting you grip her cheeks, “Nice and firm like always.” Jieun blushes, “I try to work out since you like it so much.”

You look at Miyeon and extend your hand, “Come, don’t be afraid.” Miyeon hesitates but remembers what Jieun said earlier and extends her hand. “Wow, Miyeon, you look great in that bikini.”

”Thank you…” trying to hide her face by tilting down. 

Suddenly she feels the touch of your hand on her ass and freezes. “Miyeon, you have such a soft butt.” There is no response, and Jieun speaks up, “I bet she’s happy about your compliment but is too shy to say anything. How about we spice things up a little?" and undoes her bra, letting it float to the top. 

You let your hand off of Mieyon’s asscheek and grab Jieun’s waist, pulling her towards you. She wraps her legs around your waist, and you go in for a kiss on her neck. Jieun moans, feeling your lips kiss her neck to her collarbone. 

Miyeon remains frozen, seeing you massage Jieun’s breast as you kiss her. She understands now what Jieun meant when she said “service” and realizes what her role as the CEO’s personal assistant meant. 

Out of nowhere, Jieun says, “Did you know that Miyeon is a virgin?” Miyeon sees your attention and immediately goes towards her. “Oh, really?” 

“Yes, her body was silky smooth as well.” 

You put Jieun down, walk towards Mieyon, and say, “Come with me.”

”Where are we going?”

”To the bedroom, of course.”

She looks back at Jieun, who follows behind them. Miyeon asks in a trembling voice, “I don’t want my first time like this.”

Jieun replies, “Remember what I told you earlier. You belong to him now.”

You take Miyeon into the bedroom, drop your shorts, and toss them into the hamper. “Undress, I want to see what I’m going to be working with.” 

Miyeon's body trembles at the idea that she’s going to lose her virginity in this manner. She assumed it would be with her boyfriend and a romantic setting, but instead, as your assistant. 

You say sternly, “Strip, while I’m being nice.” Miyeon flinches and undoes her bra, dropping it on the floor before moving on to her bottom. 

With her completely nude, you circle around and admire her body, small breasts, flat stomach, and pretty face. You get behind her, part her hair to the side, and kiss the side of her neck. 

Miyeon closes her eyes, foreign to a male’s touch. She tells herself that she can do it; her dreams of becoming an idol are much bigger, and she is willing to sacrifice her body for a moment that will change her life. 

You can see her shiver in fear, like a gazelle that’s about to be eaten by a lion. It turns you on, the feeling of having control of a female. You get closer to her, and she gets startled when you press your body against hers. She feels a thick, hot sensation touching her back and remains frozen. 

You whisper in her ear, “I’m going to give you two choices; you can  be in control of what happens to you, or I make the choices for you.” 

She is at least thankful that she can decide on how she’ll lose her virginity. “I can do it myself.”

“Alright, tell me what you want me to do.” 

Miyeon tries to come up with an idea quickly. She looks around and says, “Get on the bed and lay down.” 

You agree, head to the large white bed, and lie in the middle of it. She walks and climbs on the bed, sitting next to you.

With no idea what to do, she climbs on your thighs and stares at your cock. It's the first time she's seen a cock, and she is lost on what to do. She turns around and looks at Jieun, who is standing in the corner. “Miyeon, grab it with your hand and stroke it like this. Here, you use this.” With the bottle of lube in her hand she opens it, pours some on your cock, coating it. She uses her right hand, stroking it awkwardly at first. As she continues, it starts to get bigger, which makes her use both hands. 

“I don’t think it's going to fit inside of me.” 

You respond, “You don’t know until you try,” giving her a smirk. She turns around once more and looks at Jieun, hoping for her to save her. Instead, Jieun replies, “Miyeon, you got this. Hwaiting!”

There’s no way around it; she has a future to think about, and giving her virginity is a small price to pay. That’s what she is trying to make herself believe. It’s the only way she’ll be able to accept what she is about to do. 

Miyeon then grabs your cock and lifts herself off. She tries to align your cock to her entrance and is scared by how big it really is compared to her small entrance.

She lowers her body, pressing her lower lips against the mushroom tip of your cock, and stops. Miyeon looks at you with the look of someone who’s accepted her fate and control of her life to you and slowly drops her body. 

You feel your tip spread her lower lips, pushing into her virgin hole. She groans, experiencing being stretched this much for the first time. She stops when she reaches her thin barrier and looks at you once more before giving her a hungry smile. 

With her hands on your abs, she gives a hard drop; she gasps but immediately bites her lip. “Fuck, you’re so tight!” 

There’s no response, only her body trembling as she’s trying to quickly adjust to the pressure. You place your hand on her arm, but she waves you off. She immediately apologizes, “I’m sorry, sir, it’s just that I’m trying to get adjusted to your size.”

“Don’t worry, it’s expected.” You touch her arm once more, this time allowing you to embrace her. 

“Want me to take over?”

She nods, “Yes.”

You place your hands around her small waist and lift her, pulling her out from her cunt. “Bend over and get on all fours.” 

She does as she’s told and places her body on top of the large pillow. She presses her face against it and closes her eyes and she feels you press your cock into her cunt.

“Hmph… hmm…” 

She clenches the pillow, feeling your cock stretch her walls. She yelps when you hit the back of her womb, “Wait, wait, you’re breaking me!” You don’t respond and increase thrust inside her. She clenches her hands on the pillow as you use her body for relief. You want to make sure that her body gets used to your cock, especially her womb, since you’re its new owner. 

“Does it feel better when I take over?” 

There’s no response from Miyeon, so you raise your arm and give her a slight slap on her ass. She yelps and lifts her head, “Ow!”

You increase the pace of your thrust, your balls hitting her flesh, “Fuck, you’re going to be as great as my new toy.” Miyeon just continues to bite onto the pillow, listening to you talk about her position as your new toy.

Before long you’re about to cum and warn Mieyon on your orgasm nearing. “I’m going to cum.” Miyeon lifts her head, her mouth drooling, and pleads, “Please… outside… do it outside…” You scoff and say, “You’re in no position to throw out demands, I’ll cum wherever I want, and I always cum inside.” 

Miyeon feels your cock throb and releases a large wave of cum, flooding her walls and womb. “No! So much inside!” Your cum floods her womb to the brim; she can feel her womb getting addicted to your cum and cock, knowing that there is no coming back after this.

Jieun leaves after the second round and is satisfied, knowing she did a good job for her master. You continue to fuck Miyeon, round after round, until she passes out, and even then fuck her until you get your fill. 

Miyeon wakes late in the morning completely nude, and her lower body is completely sore. She tries to get up, but any pressure on her legs causes her to tremble and fall back onto the bed. 

“Miyeon, it’s me, Irene.”

”Unnie, come in.”

Irene comes inside, sees the mess, and feels sorry for what Miyeon just went through. “How are you feeling?”

”Horrible, I lost my virginity, and my body is completely sore.”

”I’m sorry you had to go through this.”

”Jieun said it was necessary if I wanted the slightest chance to make it in the industry.”

There’s a silence, and Irene breaks the ice and says, “Here, take this.”

”What is it?

”A morning-after pill.”

[latin5mamii]

Angel - Jude Bellingham

warnings: long chapter (1829 words)

genre: childhood best friends to lovers

summary:How could you know that a stupid nickname could change everything?

author's note: I know you've been waiting for this, and I'm so excited to finally share the latest chapter with you! I truly hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And yes, I might have left you hanging a bit, but trust me it’ll be worth it😌. I’m already planning to write the next chapter tonight. Plus I’d love to hear your thoughts—if you have any ideas or twists you think could make the story even more exciting, feel free to share them! last chapter

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“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

There he was, leaning against the door frame, looking effortlessly handsome as always. His presence seemed even more magnetic after the words he’d left you with the night before, words that had kept you awake, replaying over and over in your mind.

"We’ll have plenty of nights together, don’t worry."

You hadn’t slept much, but who could blame you? Thoughts of Madrid, of Jude, and of how drastically everything was about to change had swirled in your head all night. But now, with him standing there, his familiar grin melting away your worries, it all seemed to make sense.

“Good morning,” you mumbled back, a sleepy smile tugging at your lips as you sat up. Jude crossed the room in a few quick strides and wrapped you in a hug, his embrace warm and reassuring, as if promising that everything would be okay.

“This feels weird,” you admitted, your voice barely a whisper against his chest.

He pulled back slightly, just enough to meet your eyes. “Weird? Why’s that?”

You shrugged, still struggling to put your feelings into words. “I don’t know… it’s just… surreal. Like this is all a dream or something.”

He smiled, that boyish, disarming smile you’d known since forever—the one that always made you feel safe, like nothing could ever go wrong as long as he was around. “I get it. But hey, you’ve got me. And I’m not going anywhere.”

You chuckled, the tension that had been knotted in your shoulders slowly melting away. You held onto him a moment longer, savoring the comfort of being close to him, before finally letting go.

Jude, always the playful one, grabbed your suitcase with a grin and started heading towards the door. “Come on, let’s get moving before you change your mind,” he teased.

As you watched him, it hit you just how surreal this all was. You’d never imagined that you’d be moving to Madrid with your childhood best friend, the same boy you used to chase around the playground, the same boy whose grandma used to joke you’d end up marrying one day. You’d laughed it off back then, never believing it could really happen.

But now, here you were. You thought back to when he first started getting famous, when he left for Dortmund, then Real Madrid, and how much you’d missed him. The messages, the late-night FaceTime calls, the way you both tried so hard to stay in touch despite the distance.

But now, one question lingers in your mind.

You're literally going to Madrid with your childhood best friend for who knows how long, the same one you made out with once after sharing a bed, and who constantly flirts with you.

You didn’t want to ask him that question because, well, he’s famous and has other things to think about. But the thought wouldn’t leave your mind.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, by the way,” his voice pulls you out of your thoughts. He knew how much you loved surprises.

“What is it?” you ask, a playful smile on your face.

“Wait and see.”

As soon as you arrive at the airport, the car takes a different turn from the usual route, stopping in front of a smaller yet equally impressive plane. Now you understand what the surprise was. And you felt a little silly for not realizing it sooner: Why would someone so famous take a commercial flight when they could afford a private jet?

As you stepped out of the car, your eyes still wide with surprise at the sight of the private jet in front of you, Jude chuckled and took your hand in his, leading you toward the sleek aircraft. His touch was warm and familiar, like it had always been since you were kids. But now, with everything that had changed, the fame, the move to Madrid, the endless possibilities ahead,his hand in yours felt different..

“Don’t tell me you’re surprised by this,” he teased, his grin contagious as you reached the steps of the plane.

“I mean, I should’ve seen it coming, but come on, Jude,” you said, giving him a playful shove. ��A private jet? Really?”

He shrugged, still holding your hand as you both boarded. “Gotta travel in style now, don’t I?”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the smile tugging at your lips. 

The interior of the jet was even more luxurious than you’d imagined. Soft leather seats, a spacious layout, and every inch of it screaming luxury. Jude plopped down onto one of the oversized seats, pulling you down beside him before you could even take it all in.

“Get comfy, we’ve got a few hours ahead of us,” he said, stretching out as if the whole plane was just his personal living room.

You never thought you'd experience this. You remember when in the past Jude and Jobe used to fight a lot, and you just brought peace to them, that’s one of the main reasons their mom loved you.And that feels like yesterday and now everything changed.

As you sank into the soft leather seat beside Jude, you couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh, the weight of it all finally starting to sink in. Jude turned to look at you, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“What’s funny?” he asked, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

You shook your head, still caught up in the whirlwind of memories. “Just thinking about how different everything is now. I mean, you used to fight with Jobe all the time, and I’d always have to step in and keep the peace. Now you're taking me to Madrid on a private jet.”

Jude chuckled, leaning back in his seat with a lazy grin. “Yeah, well, you were good at keeping us in line. Still are, actually.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Come on, Jude, don’t start.”

“Still,” he said, nudging you playfully, “you’re younger, and I’m always going to be the one looking out for you. That’s just how it is.”

You huffed, pretending to be exasperated. “Four months, Jude. Four.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied with a smirk. “Still the older one, and I’m still going to protect you.”Jude gave you a smug smile, leaning back in his seat.

You rolled your eyes, smirking as you fired back, “From who? Jobe?”

Jude chuckled, nodding as if he were genuinely considering it. “Yeah, he can be pretty evil sometimes.”

You shook your head, laughing at the thought. “You’re ridiculous,” you muttered, shaking your head with a smile. His playful banter, the way he could always make you feel at ease, was exactly what you needed.

But there was something else you’d been thinking about—something you weren’t sure you should say. The words slipped out before you could stop them.

“When you were in Madrid,” you started, your voice a bit more hesitant than you intended, “I used to check the news about you. You know, just to see what was going on.”

Jude turned his head toward you, intrigued. “Oh, yeah? Keeping tabs on me?”

You rolled your eyes, but your smile faded as you continued. “Well, yeah… but not just for fun. There were times when I’d come across people calling you arrogant, or childish, and it kind of freaked me out.”

Jude blinked in surprise, his playful expression faltering for a second. “Freaked you out? Why?”

You hesitated again, not wanting to sound dramatic. “Because… I didn’t know if you’d changed. I mean, all those articles and posts made you sound like someone I didn’t recognize. And I guess I was scared to see you again, scared you wouldn’t be… you.”

There was a pause as Jude processed what you said, and you felt your heart thudding in your chest, waiting for his response. But instead of going serious, like you expected, he grinned—full-on, mischievous Jude.

“Oh, so you thought I’d turn into some big-headed superstar, huh?” he teased, raising an eyebrow. “What, did you think I was going to show up wearing sunglasses indoors and demand people call me ‘Mr. Bellingham’?”

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing, your worries easing as his joke broke the tension. “No! But—”

Jude leaned in, his grin widening. “Or maybe you were scared I’d start talking about myself in the third person. ‘Jude Bellingham doesn’t wait in line.’ ‘Jude Bellingham only flies private.’”

You shook your head, laughing even harder now. “Stop! That’s not what I meant!”

He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms with mock arrogance. “You know what? Maybe I should start doing that. Sounds kind of fun.”

“Oh, please,” you said, playfully swatting his arm. “You’d be unbearable.”

Jude laughed, the warmth in his voice settling your nerves. “Nah, I get it. People love to talk. But you should’ve known better.I’m still me. Just with a bit more style and better hair.”

“Better hair, huh?” you teased, raising an eyebrow. “That’s debatable.”

He reached up, running a hand through his hair with exaggerated pride. “Debatable? This is prime hair right here. You’re just jealous.”

You rolled your eyes again, but the lightness in your chest was undeniable now. The Jude sitting next to you wasn’t the arrogant football star the tabloids sometimes made him out to be. He was still the same guy who used to annoy you with dumb jokes and competitive childish games, and still, the same guy who made you feel safe and at home.

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Jude's house was incredible, a dream come true. He had told you about it before, but you never imagined it would be like this. You felt an overwhelming excitement, knowing you were experiencing something that millions of people could only dream of.

"Like it?" he asked, as he unloaded the suitcases from the car.

 You were surprised because you thought someone else would do it for him, but it seemed he was doing it himself just to spend as much time with you as possible. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered, just as they always did whenever he was near.

You nodded, a little breathless. “Yeah, I mean… it’s unreal, Jude.”

He flashed that familiar boyish smile, the one that made your stomach do flips. “Wait ‘til you see inside.”

And he was right. The inside was even more stunning than you imagined—high ceilings, sleek furniture, and floor-to-ceiling windows that showcased a breathtaking view of the city below. You followed Jude through the living room, your eyes wide as you took it all in.

“I feel like I’m in a magazine or something,” you said, spinning in a slow circle to take everything in.

Jude chuckled as he dropped your bags at the base of the stairs. “Well, I did say I had more style now, didn’t I?”

You rolled your eyes, smirking. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll give you that one.”

He came up behind you, resting a hand lightly on your shoulder, and you could feel the warmth of his touch. “Hey,” he said softly, his tone a bit more serious now. “Do you want to go grab dinner? I know it’s been a long day, and there’s a place nearby I think you’d love.”

You glanced up at him, surprised but touched by the gesture. “Dinner? Right now?”

He nodded, his eyes soft and inviting. “Yeah. Just you and me. What do you say?”

You didn’t have to think twice. “Sure, sounds perfect.”

A smile broke across his face. “Great. Give me ten minutes, and we’ll head out.”

True to his word, Jude was ready quickly, and soon, you were heading out together.. The restaurant he’d chosen was chic but not overly formal, nestled in a quiet part of the city.

 As you both sat down at a cozy table near the window, the ambiance was perfect: low lighting, soft music, and just enough privacy for you to feel like it was your own little world.

Jude ordered a bottle of wine, pouring a glass for each of you.

“So,” he said, leaning back in his chair with a teasing smile, “on a scale of one to ten, how jealous do you think Jobe is knowing that you’re with me now?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Oh, he’ll surely give it back to me in a while”

Jude’s grin widened. “Yeah, well, too bad for him. You’re all mine now.”

The way he said it sent a flutter through your chest, and you couldn’t help but blush. He noticed, of course, and leaned in a little closer, his voice lowering just enough to make your heart race.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting shy on me now,” he teased, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

“I’m not shy” you protested, trying to hide your smile as you took a sip of your wine.

“Right,” Jude said, leaning even closer across the table. “You’ve never been shy a day in your life.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up. “You’re annoying”

You weren’t sure who made the first move. Maybe it was him, maybe it was you, or maybe it was both of you leaning into the inevitable. But suddenly, his hand was brushing lightly against your arm, his fingers tracing a slow, deliberate path down to your wrist. It wasn’t much, just a simple touch, but it felt like everything.

His gaze dipped to your lips, and your heart raced in your chest as he took another sip from that glass. His voice, when he finally spoke, was low and rough, barely above a whisper.

“Do you ever think about it?” he asked, his breath ghosting over your skin.

You blinked, your heart pounding as you met his gaze. “Think about what?”

He swallowed, as if debating whether to say it out loud, and then, in a voice barely audible, he said, “When we kissed.”

Your breath caught in your throat, memories of that kiss rushing back to you—the way it had felt so easy and so right, yet so confusing at the same time. You haven’t talked about that since it happened, maybe it was time

“Jude…” you started, but your voice faltered.

He didn’t let you finish. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”

You shyly smiled, breaking eye contact and looking down, feeling the warmth of his words flush through you. Without knowing how to respond, you took another sip of your wine.

Jude noticed your reaction, letting out a soft chuckle. Leaning in close, his breath tickling your ear as he had to reveal a secret, he murmured,

“We should talk about this at home, shouldn’t we, Angel?”

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[lowkeyerror]

The Family Business Ch.4

WandaNat x Reader

Word Count: 2k

Chapter Notes: Brief mention of the red room nothing crazy

Summary: Natasha is nervous about finally having some personal time with Wanda’s family. You help her fight through those nerves. Meanwhile Wanda struggles to come to terms with how much of your growth she missed.

An: Posting consistently again got me feeling in my prime. No promises, but might post chapter 5 later this week instead of next monday.

Series Masterlist| Masterlist

Once you were done with work, and had your flowers for Flora, you were ready to go to the Maximoff’s house. You’d sent a quick text to Dragos telling him that you’d bring Natasha with you, to save them an extra unnecessary trip.

You pack your things quickly and head to the car, Natasha follows behind you. When you get in the car, you finally notice the subtle nervousness of Natasha.

“Are you scared to meet Wanda’s mom?”

Natasha nods a little, “It’s more than that. You guys are the most important people in her life. She told me so herself. Dragos doesn’t like me yet, Pietro and I really just looked at each other, and I heard Flora’s got high standards when it comes to partners.”

“Well, they are the kindest people you could ever meet. All they'll care about is that you keep Wanda happy,” you insist.

“I think the kindness goes out of the window, when you find out your daughter got married to a Russian spy that tried to kill her,” Natasha mumbles.

 You try to offer her some comfort, “I’m not going to argue with that but, you’ll get a little break, when I tell them I like you.”

“Really?”

“If Wanda told you all about me, then you should know they've got a soft spot for me,” you’re a little embarrassed when you say it, but it’s the truth.

If Natasha notices your embarrassment, she doesn't bring it up, “Wanda says you’re basically a Maximoff every time she tells a story about you.”

You smile, “I like to think of them as my family too. There’s been plenty of times where I want to call Dragos, papa. That means there’s even more times when I want call Flora Mama.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t want to take the chance and ruin our dynamic.”

The Russian sighs as the house comes into view. “I think they’d both love it. The way Wanda tells it, they feel as though you're one of their kids.”

You park the car before answering Natasha, “Maybe one day.”

With the hydrangeas in hand, you head to the front door. Natasha tries to walk behind you, but you pull her forward so she’s next to you.

“This is a family you have to face head on. Those uncertainties you have, keep them close to you. Don’t let them see your nerves because they’ll pounce. Just remember that you love Wanda, and she loves you too,” your attempt at a pep talk seems to calm her nerves a bit.

“You said they were nice people. Nice people don’t have warnings.”

You roll your eyes, “Natasha you secretly married the daughter of a crime lord without ever meeting the family, there’s a shitload of warnings.”

The door swings open before you have the chance to knock. You find yourself being pulled into a warm hug. It’s only a moment before Flora’s hands land on your face. She turns your head a couple times checking that you are fine, before planting a kiss on your cheek.

“Y/n, where have you been sweetheart? Too old to come see me anymore, huh? You’ve got bags under your eyes Malysh, have you been sleeping ok?”

You smile warmly at her antics, “I’ll never be too old to come visit my Flora. As a sorry, for being away I brought you these.”

Flora takes the flowers from you. “Always knowing how to get into my good graces, these are beautiful Y/n.” Her eyes dart to Natasha and you watch as her features go neutral.

 “You must be Natasha.”

The red head extends her hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs.Maximoff.”

Flora shakes her hand, “Yes, if only we could've done this sooner. “

Natasha doesn’t shift at the words, but you can feel her nerves from besides you. Flora beckons you both into the house and you follow her into the kitchen. She grabs a vase for the flowers and begins to fill it with water.

“So, why Natasha?” She says as she places the flowers in the vase.

“I’m sorry?” Natasha is confused by the question.

Flora keeps her eyes on the flowers, “Why’d you pick the name Natasha? Natalia is a fairly pretty name, why not keep it?”

You weren't surprised that Flora had done some research on the woman. However, Natasha was taken aback by the question. She wasn’t expecting it, so it took her a moment to respond.

“As a spy, I have many aliases. However, Natasha never felt like an alias, she just felt like me. My parents and sister call me Natalia often just to tease me, but even they seem to like Natasha better.”

You decide to help the Russian out, “Are you close with your family, Natasha?”

She nods, “Very close. My parents took Yelena and I when we were very little. They saved us from some terrible people, I owe then everything. Though they'd never let me repay them.”

“Reminds me of us,” you say to Flora, who has now softened her gaze on the redhead.

Flora had a soft spot for children in tough places. You knew that's why she originally gravitated towards you, when Pietro first brought you around. This was the perfect topic to get Natasha on Flora’s good side.

“If we found you any younger you would've had our last name,” Flora places the vase the table. She eyes Natasha for a moment before asking about her childhood, “Foster care?”

Natasha stiffens a little, “Worse. Young girls all taken and trained to be weapons for whatever they needed.”

Flora’s eyes become glossy, “The red room.”

Natasha’s gaze was locked on the floor, “Yeah.”

It is a quick turn of events when Flora wraps her arms around Natasha. She holds the woman firm as she begins to speak in Russian. You don't understand all of it, but it seems that Flora was intimately familiar with the place.

“You two go and make yourselves comfortable while I start dinner,” she says finally releasing Natasha.

“You don’t want help?”

Flora shakes her head, “Go, relax malysh. I’ve got it covered in here.”

Instead of leading Natasha to the living room, you take her to the backyard. There is a beautiful large grass area, with a nice garden space in the corner. The patio has the perfect view of the sunset. You sit on one of the patio chairs and Natasha sits beside you.

“I think that went well,” you say to her.

“Thanks to you, it went really well,” Natasha looks at you gratefully.

You shake your head, “I didn’t do much.”

Natasha argues back, “I see why they call you the glue. If you hadn’t made your comment, she would’ve slighted me all night.”

“Don’t give me too much credit, you would've had her the moment you asked how many people she killed,” you joke, and Natasha gets a bit embarrassed.

“Sorry, I guess I just- “

You stop her, “It’s fine, Nat. I’ve been underestimated all my life. My first kill is symbolic to me, even in that pitiful state, I was able to snap someone’s neck. I remember all of them, though it’s not a lot, I also remember each one getting easier.”

She looks at you, “The longer it gets, the less you remember, and then one day you’re left with the memory of how you used to feel about it. Maybe it fills you with pride in the beginning, but eventually killing just leaves you feeling empty.”

Wanda comes into the backyard before you could answer the Russian.

“She’s not giving you too much trouble is she, Y/n?”

Natasha sends her wife a pointed look. You laugh at the interaction.

“She’s a pleasure to have around. I can see why you married her, regardless of the assassination attempt.”

Wanda tilts her head but keeps a smile on her face, “Telling our love story without me, my love?”

“It just came up. How was the meeting?”

Wanda plops down next to you before leaning back, “Apparently Kingpin is looking to expand his control. At least that’s what Hammerhead said.”

You clench your jaw at the mention of the large man, “He’s such a greedy bastard. He has the second largest market besides us. Which means he thinks he can take over us. I couldn’t imagine being a guy that big with no fucking brains.”

Wanda shakes her head and chuckles slightly, “You sound just like Papa. He was pissed when he heard.”

“How is he now?” You ask knowing he could get a little reckless when he was angry.

“For now, he’s alright. I told him we could use Kingpin’s greed as an example. We can crush him and in turn teach the others not to try to cross us.”

Your hands reach to rub your temples, “You make it sound so easy.”

“It will be,” you can hear the determination in her voice.

Natasha interjects, “I think Y/n has a point. It’s definitely easier said than done.”

You keep your composure, “Kingpin selling is a problem in itself, but the people should know better than to buy from him. Whoever is making purchases with him is not being loyal to us. That means he’s making allies, or rather he is taking our allies away from us. It strengthens his numbers while diminishing ours. He’s trying to start a revolution.”

Before it could be discussed any further Dragos appears, “We can discuss it more tomorrow. Tonight, we celebrate Wanda’s homecoming… and marriage. Dinner is ready.”

You’re the first out of your chair and into the house. It leaves Dragos some time with the couple.

“Remember we only talk business outside of the office, if it is absolutely necessary,” he reminds his daughter.

“She still gets that way?” Wanda asks referring to you.

He shakes his head, “She’s just started brainstorming and it’s hard for her to put it aside. She’s not that timid little girl anymore.”

Wanda lets out an irritated sigh, “Why does everyone keep saying that? I know her just like everyone else, papa. I’ve cared for her, I’ve trained her, and- “

“You missed 5 years of her life; you missed her graduation, you missed her putting all of her training to practical use, you missed her joining the family business. No one is saying that you didn't know her well, but you can’t act like you witnessed her growth.”

“It’s not my fault that I wasn’t there,” she speaks through gritted teeth.

“No one is saying it was, malysh.”

Natasha grabs her wife’s hand, “We’re celebrating you tonight like your father said. Let’s just enjoy this and eat. You never stopped talking about your mother’s cooking and the longer we spend out here, the colder the food gets in there.”

Wanda gets up from her seat, “You’re right. I’m sorry Papa, I’m just not used to being home yet.”

“It’s alright, her growth is startling. I still remember how I felt when Pietro told me she killed a boy. It was a shock; I didn’t want to believe it. She was so delicate that I couldn't picture her doing it.”

“Y/n killed somebody?”

Natasha nods, “She told me about it. Y/n actually has a little ledger, 8 people.”

Wanda’s eyes widen, “She told you about it?”

The conversation stops there, when you come back, “Flora said if you guys don’t come to dinner now that Piet and I can have your plates.”

“You’d eat Wanda’s welcome home meal, that’s pretty criminal even by our standards,” Natasha says pulling her wife along into the house.

“Oh 100%, you would too if you had Flora’s cooking.”

The playful banter continues, even once everyone is sat at the dinner table. Conversation flows freely, but Wanda doesn't contribute much. All that circles her mind is you.

Her father’s words echo in her head. She had missed some of the most important moments of your life. Wanda was scared to admit that she hardly recognized the woman you’ve grown into.

It bothered her. She was jealous that everyone got to see you blossom, but her. Even Wanda’s wife seemed to know things about you that she didn’t. It was a pill that she didn’t want to swallow.

Her little Krolik wasn’t so little anymore.

Taglist: @natashaswife4125 @autorasexy @alexawynters @blkmxrvel @toouncreativeforausername @likemick

[lady-pug]

Written Between the Lines

Chapter III - Parallel Lines Intertwined

Summary: You are now betrothed to Aemond, with the promise of being crowned together when time comes, your family no longer headed unquestionably on warpath, but now you can’t help but wonder if this is truly what he wants, if he’s as happy as you are with this arrangement.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Word count: 3,6k

Warnings: canon-typical incest (uncle-niece), nudity, making out, allusions to sex, canon-typical misogyny regarding sex and female virginity, some steaminess (but nothing more than that really)

Notes: Another chapter is here! Yay!

I’m tagging this as mature because there’s some steaminess in it but not full blown smut (yet).

I’ve accidentally fallen in love with these two and cannot stop thinking about them, I have so many installments planned out you guys have no idea.

I decided to use some High Valyrian as I had mentioned before Aemond and reader are used to speaking it with one another (does it break consistency, as I haven’t used it until now? yes, but better late than never). For this I used an online translator (I don’t know if it’s grammatically correct, I’ll just roll with it, if someone spots any mistakes please let me know and I’ll correct it right away), translations are in the end notes.

Thank you so so much for reading and I hope you have enjoyed this story! <3

Next chapter | Previous chapter | Masterlist | Read on AO3

The steaming water was doing wonders for your sore muscles. You hadn’t realized how tense you had been until you had reached your chambers and felt as if a weight had been lifted off your chest, your shoulders slumping with the force of everything falling into place. No sooner had you stepped foot inside your room you requested that the maids fix you a bath, the water steaming hot. Now, with your body submerged and the steam clouding your thoughts, you felt like you could finally breathe properly. 

It had worked. Your mad, crazy, stupid idea had worked. At least as well as one could expect. Alicent and Otto, of all people, had agreed to it, and now it seemed like there would no longer be a war inside House Targaryen. The promise of their blood eventually occupying the Iron Throne seemed to appease them enough to, most likely, support your mother’s claim as King Viserys’ heir, apparently no longer questioning her legitimacy as ruler just because she was not a man.

But now, alone in your chambers, you were no longer sure of yourself. While, yes, this idea could just fix things within your shattered family, you weren’t exactly sure if everyone involved was on-board with it. 

After your dance with Aemond was cut short due to the King feeling unwell and needing to be escorted back to his chambers, to which Alicent nudged Rhaenyra to follow and spend some moments with him (something that lit a flicker of hope in your chest that things could indeed be mended), you hadn’t managed to speak to him for the rest of the night. Once you returned to the table, you caught Luke giggling under his breath, and when you realized what exactly he was laughing at you were quick to pull him from his seat and request a dance. You swiftly poked Helaena on your way to the open area of the room, who in turn pulled Aemond for a dance before he could notice, signaling her mother to alert the servants to move the offending dish to the middle of the table and away from his seat.

The night ended not long after, Baela and Rhaena keeping you company, the three of you giggling like little girls at the thought of your respective betrothals. However, once you were all excused by the Queen, you didn’t even manage to catch a glimpse of Aemond, who was whisked away by his grandsire with his mother following behind them.

And here you were. Although you had no doubt this plan of yours was the right thing to do, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was what he wanted. Even though you knew this was the right thing for the realm, for your family even, was it the right thing for the two of you? As you stared at your face reflected upon the surface of the water, dark thoughts simmered in your mind. Perhaps you had been blinded by his words regarding his mother’s wishes to find him a wife, or by the resentment he felt towards the treatment his brother received. What if he wanted nothing to do with you? What if he wanted to ascend to the Throne of his own accord, or what if he wanted to be wed to someone else, one of Borros Baratheon’s daughters, maybe?

At least there's no doubt about the purity of their blood.

He could have any woman on the realm if he wished. He was just so regal, all sharp edges and cunning eye, and you were merely… you, your mind tried to convince you.

Would you give up your freedom and be trapped in a loveless marriage just for the sake of your family and the realm?

Not loveless, that nagging voice in the back of your mind spoke out of turn again, just unrequited.

The answer was most definitely yes. You’d rather have him, even if not the whole of his being, than not have him at all. And if you could prevent the realm, and your own family, to succumb into flames and ashes in the process? All the more reason to do so.

Lost in your thoughts you barely heard the unmistakable sound of stone sliding against stone, as the wall suddenly pulled back to reveal the man in question.

“A-Aemond?” you stammered, sliding further into the water in order to preserve some shred of your dignity “What are you doing here?”

A deep, low hum was his only response as he stepped further into the room and closed the secret door behind him. The soft patter against the stone cold floor indicated that he was barefoot; that, along with the white linen shirt and soft looking breeches he was wearing, meant he was just about to go to bed before he decided to come visit you, for whatever reason.

“Qȳbor…” you bristled when he refused to elaborate.

“Can I not visit my future wife’s chambers to check on her well-being, mandianna?” he spoke lowly, his eye never leaving your frame.

“We are not yet married.” you squirmed under the intensity of his gaze “This hardly seems proper.”

He again only hummed, eye flitting around the room, before pulling his shirt over his head.

A sudden heat rushed to your cheeks as you stared at him. Much like you had noticed before, he was slim, his form lithe and elongated, making him appear even taller now that he wasn’t covered in green leather. His muscles, on the other hand, were well defined, taunt under his skin as if sculpted in the finest of marbles, his years of training with a sword under Ser Criston Cole reflected on his flesh.

His lips pulled in a smirk as you basked in his image, swiftly untying and pulling down his breeches as well. That caused you to avert your eyes immediately, going as far as to hide your peripheral vision behind your hand.

“What are you doing?!” you squealed in surprise, not at all expecting him of all people to pull a stunt like this. Aegon? Sure, but him?

“You once told me it was nothing you hadn’t seen before.” he spoke, amusement dripping from his tone as he walked closer to the tub.

“Yes, when we were children. Not like this.”

You felt the ripples of warm water beating against your skin as he joined you in the bath, leaning back against the side of the wooden tub with his legs extended in front of him, only slightly bent at the knees as they brushed softly against your own. You quickly pulled your knees to your chest, trying to put as much distance between the two of you as possible.

“Why do you hide from me?” he asked, his lips curling in a smirk “You are to be my lady wife, we ought to see each other like this on many occasions.”

“Like I said” you hissed, crossing your arms over your breasts and straightening your spine, his eye following your every move “we are not married yet.” 

He hummed in response, pursing his lips as if annoyed with your resistance, but you could see the mirth swimming in his eye. He extended his arms over the rim of the tub on either side of his body, and when your eyes involuntarily followed his movement, retaining your gaze on his chest for a tad too long, he smirked. Heat burned your cheeks as you averted your eyes, realizing that he enjoyed watching you squirm.

“Why are you here?” you questioned, annoyance simmering in your voice.

He stared at you for a long moment, like he was assessing you, searching for something, but what you couldn’t tell.

“I wanted to see you.” he spoke before glancing away from you, his once jesting tone having turned soft, betraying his sincerity.

That statement had you feeling all your annoyance dissolving, your body uncurling and legs extending closer to him. If you were to be honest with yourself you wanted to see him too, you desperately wished to know what was going through his mind during supper and after. You wished to know what he thought about you.

His mind seemed far away for a moment as he chewed on his lip before his gaze fell on you once more.

“My grandsire had interesting things to say about your proposal.” the corner of his mouth turned up almost imperceptibly “More so than my mother.”

That caught your attention.

“What did he say?”

“She was, albeit vexed by your choice of timing for the delivery of said proposal, delighted.” he completely ignored your question, choosing instead to talk about Alicent Hightower instead of Otto “Like I mentioned earlier, she’s been nagging me to find a wife, and now you’ve just delivered the solution on a silver platter for her.” his smile softened “She wished to know if I was happy with this arrangement.”

“And what did you say?” your throat felt as dry as the Dornish desert, and you wondered if he could hear you swallow nervously. But from the way his grin turned again into a smirk you knew you wouldn’t get the answers you craved for.

“My grandsire on the other hand was perfectly satisfied.” he shrugged, as if Otto Hightower’s opinion didn’t truly matter to him “He believes the Seven have answered mother’s prayers of having one of us be crowned king, and that this gives us the perfect opportunity to seize the throne for ourselves.”

“What?” you physically recoiled, shoulders curling into yourself once more, as if you were physically struck by his words.

“He told me” he continued, either not noticing your reaction or wanting to push forward regardless “that when time came for us to be crowned, you and I, I was to usurp you of your ‘birthright’ and be crowned the sole King of the Seven Kingdoms.”

You let your arms drop from their position over your chest, not even being able to revel in the way pink dusted Aemond’s cheeks as his eye followed down our body to your now exposed breasts, so much was your shock. You felt so stupid, so humiliatingly naive in having believed such a ridiculous idea could ever work. Otto Hightower would never respect you, or your mother, or any possible daughters you came to have simply because you were all women. Just remembering the way you stood before him, before your entire family, before Aemond himself and said those foolish and rehearsed words, dragged yourself practically as low as the streets at Flea Bottom, made your eyes sting in embarrassment. 

You were so caught up in your own swirling thoughts you barely noticed Aemond’s smirk slipping from his face, a frown now adorning his features.

“You cannot possibly believe I would do such a thing.” he let his own arms fall back into the water, his back straightening as he looked at you almost… hurt? “Do you truly think so lowly of me?”

You couldn’t hold his stare any longer, shame clawing at your chest and climbing up your throat. The truth was you didn’t know him. It’s been six long years since you’d last spoken, you couldn’t possibly know who he was anymore. Had he turned out like Aegon? Or had his grandsire shaped him in his image, a mere puppet for him to manipulate and do his bidding for him?

His stare hardened, a resigned exhale leaving him as extended a hand in your direction.

“Come here.” 

You didn’t dare move a muscle, too scared to embarrass yourself even further. That wouldn’t do it for him tho, if the annoyance that took over his features was anything to go by, and his hand found your ankle underwater and tugged. Hard. Unexpectedly you found yourself almost on top of him, holding onto his naked shoulders for balance as the contents of the tub sloshed around the two of you and over onto the ground.

“Aemond-!” you chastised him, trying to pull away but one of his arms snaked around your waist, holding you firmly in place. Something about the whole situation, the way his eye was locked on yours, as if studying you, felt strangely intimate, making your heart skip a beat. 

Then, with the lightest of touches, he grabbed one of your hands almost reverently, removing it from its place on his shoulder and holding it in his own, the back of your hand against his palm so your own was facing up. He brought it closer to his face, examining it closely, his thumb caressing your skin in slow movements. Where his palms were calloused, you noticed, his fingers were silkily soft, the gentleness in his touch making shivers run down your spine and goosebumps prickle your skin all the way up your arm.

“Your line of life is quite long, thankfully.” he hummed, not taking his eye off your palm, so he didn’t notice the confusion brimming in your eyes “And your line of heart not only tilts upwards, but it is also incredibly long, almost touching the place where your palm meets your fingers, right here.” 

“And what does that mean?” you whispered, not daring to speak any louder for it might break the spell that befell upon the two of you.

“You will be the most beloved woman in the entire realm.” he whispered back, his eye finally meeting yours, a storm of emotions threatening to spill over in the form of unshed tears “Your lord husband would burn the whole of the Seven Kingdoms to the ground just to see you smile.” 

Wetness dripped down your cheeks but you could no longer distinguish between tears and the lukewarm water from the bath. Your heart clenched and twisted painfully in your chest as his gaze turned to your palm once more.

“And would you look at that,” Aemond gently turned your palm towards you, pointer finger tapping against a faint line near your wrist “it’s the line of the king. Or should I say queen.” he glanced at you once more, a soft smile growing on his lips “You once told me it only appeared on the hands of those destined to rule over the realm.” 

You bit down hard on your bottom lip, a choked sob threatening to escape, desperately clinging to his every word.

“I may not be like my sister, for the future eludes me.” the arm around your waist tightened its grip, bringing you even closer to him as he rested his forehead against your own, bringing your intertwined hands close to his chest “But if there is one thing I can promise you is that you will be queen.” his next breath came out of his lips trembling with barely contained emotion “And I’ll be right by your side when that happens.”

The sound that left your lips was a perfect blend of a laugh and a sob, your lips quivering as you tried so very hard not to collapse into his arms as all your previous worries vanished. His own face lit up in a genuine, full blown smile that brightened his face; you couldn’t even remember when the last time he allowed himself to smile as brightly as he was now. It suited him.

Warmth filled your chest, quickly climbing up to your face, as he nuzzled his nose against yours, but one detail made you pull back. His face twisted in confusion, your hand reaching up to cup his cheek, thumb tracing the line of his scar.

“I wish to see all of you.” you spoke softly.

“You already have me bare before you, woman. What more could you possibly want?” Aemond tried jesting but you could notice the way his entire body tensed against your touch.

“I want to see all of you.” you whispered, thumb catching against the edge of his eyepatch.

Before you could lift it, though, his hand shot out unexpectedly, halting your movements by encircling your wrist. His fingers were firm against your skin, but his touch didn’t hurt; you didn’t think he ever could, not again. You didn’t press any further, nor did you retreat, waiting for him to either give you permission to continue or push you away. He did neither. Instead, his other hand reached up and removed the eyepatch from his face, throwing it somewhere around the room.

You didn’t truly know what exactly you were expecting but were surprised all the same. Where you believed you’d find an empty socket lay a small round sapphire, hidden from the world beneath his eyepatch most of the time. It was alluring, glimmering under the light emitted from the candles, contributing to his mystifying nature. His grip on your wrist loosened, and you took this as an opportunity to cradle his jaw, tilting his head to be able to see his eye from different angles. The gem suited him, the deep blue contrasting with the violet of his other eye.

“Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are?” you breathed out.

“Not a single soul.” he shook his head, his own breath coming out trembled.

“Well, then, they are utterly blind, the lot of them.” you caressed the corner of his mouth, bringing your own lips impossibly closer to his “You are beautiful, Aemond.”

Something shifted in him, the last of his restrain melting away under your touch, as he leaned forward and closed the gap between your lips, sealing them in a tentative kiss. His lips were a contradiction on their own. For a man so taunt and sharp and strong, his lips were incredibly soft, akin to his voice, as strange as the comparison sounded. He kissed you unhurriedly, almost chastely, his hands finding hold in your waist. You pulled back for a moment and his lips chased your own, unwilling to part from you just yet. 

His mouth then started tracing a path of lazy kisses down your body, first against your jaw, then slowly down your neck. It was when his grip on your waist tightened, trying to bring your hips closer to his own, that you pulled back, a hand against his chest.

“We can’t.” you mumbled regretfully. He tried sitting up again, get closer to you once more, but you pushed him back gently, cupping his face in both your hands “Aemond, please.” 

“Why must you deprive me of what I long for so desperately?” he whined against your lips.

“I cannot risk losing you…” you exhaled, voice barely above a whisper. 

It was his turn to pull back, eyebrows curling in confusion, and you knew he wouldn’t let you go without an explanation.

“When I was close to reaching marrying age, mother pulled me aside to explain some of the more… intricate details of what goes on between a husband and a wife.” you shrugged, the same embarrassment you felt back then flooding you now, before you sighed “She also told me what befell her before she married my father.”

Realization dawned upon him, remembering all the times his mother uttered words unbefitting of a queen to address not only her successor, the future Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, but also a former dear friend. Words more suited to the women who worked on the Street of Silk. From what he had gathered over the years this was the very last nail on the coffin of their friendship.

“I will not allow the same to happen to me.” your tone and your eyes alike hardened, fingers grasping his face more firmly as you forced his gaze to remain on you. Not that he could look at anything else with the way you spoke with such determination “I will not allow my virtue to be made a spectacle of, I will not give the opportunity for some lesser man from a little house to question it, to question me.”

Aemond couldn’t help but swallow thickly, the fierceness in your voice doing humorous things to his heart. 

“If I was born a man this wouldn’t be a concern, but alas I was not.” something in you softened, fingers letting go of his cheeks and sliding softly to cradle the place where his jaw met his ears “If your mother so much as hears word of any misdemeanor, at least in her eyes, on my part she will tear us apart. Kesan daor ivestragī zirȳla gūrogon ao hen nyke.”

I will not let her take you from me.

When questioned later, he wouldn’t be able to tell you what came over him, but something inside his very soul snapped as he surged forward, claiming your lips in a desperate kiss. His lips moved against yours with the intensity of a man starved, like he was overcome in a thirst only your mouth could quench. It was passionate, it was harsh, it was… honestly kind of clumsy, all tongue and clashing teeth, like he didn’t truly know what he was doing. Huh. You would store this information away for later.

He pulled back with the last bit of self control he had, practically whimpering when your lips parted, resting his head on the crook of your neck. 

“Kesan umbagon.” his breath was labored as he spoke, placing a tiny kiss on your shoulder before raising his head to look at you “I will always wait for you, ābrazȳrys.”

Your heart soared at the term, but when he went to gently move you away from him so he could stand up you gripped his hand to stop him.

“Stay.” you pleaded “Just a little while longer, please.”

Aemond smiled lovingly, helping maneuver you so you were sat between his legs, with your back against his chest, his chin resting on your shoulder. His arms wrapped protectively around you, his fingers absently drawing patterns against the skin of your arm. The water from the tub had since run cold but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Not when you were in his arms.

Aōha valzȳrys. Aōha dārys.

High Valyrian translations: - qȳbor - uncle (mother’s younger brother) - mandianna - niece (older sister’s son or daughter) - kesan umbagon - I will wait - ābrazȳrys - wife - aōha valzȳrys - your husband - aōha dārys - your king

Also, this two were getting quite steamy while Viserys was literally dying in the other room. At least this time Rhaenyra was the one with him so, you know, no mixing up names this time (I stand by my argument that if Alicent’s eldest son was called Godofredo none of this would have happened, but the Targaryens were not known for their creativity when naming their children).

Tag List:

@callsignwidow

@sleephereicome

[soapoet]

what's next in love...? [ singles ]

detailed af.

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

it seems like you've been living life half awake, daydreaming of many scenarios you'd wish come true. even in established relationships you may find yourself wishing for more of something. you may have been told your ideals are naive, to lay off the romcoms and fics and be a little more realistic. you may have found yourself excited at every prospect of new love, giddy and involved, endlessly curious and a true lover of the rose coloured glasses. and perhaps you've found plenty of reasons to rejoice, but somehow things eventually trickle down and get into the mundane and the routines. and it frustrates you. so much. is there really no one out there whose loving gestures and kind words don't become clockwork, expected chores and scripted events?

there is. and this one feels a little 'too good to be true'. you yourself may sooner rather than later find yourself pinching your arm to check if you're actually awake. i suggest you try to hold back on the told-you-so's to the naysayers, as some of them have your best interest at heart. and not only that, but will provide a lot of guidance and support in terms of navigating this next chapter in love. it'll be a bit of a whirlwind and a maze, but with much promise at the end as a reward.

if you've been sitting on some sort of project, waiting to launch yourself into a new endeavour, you should get back on track. especially if you've been procrastinating. somewhere down that path, there's a person you ought to meet. they relate to your goals somehow, perhaps having done the same themselves before. they have a lot to teach you and will become a priceless source of support, but don't expect things to be handed to you. your work is your own and your rewards will be bigger and better if you can in the future look back and say, damn, look at what i did, i achieved all that! that's of course not to say you can't find help from those around you. definitely ask for assistance and support when you need it. but to come out on the other side and say you made it, ideally you paved your own way for plenty of it because you deserve the final applause and praise so much. believe in yourself and don't let the little voice in the back of your head make you doubt yourself and your ideas.

this person seems like a bit of a flirt. not in a way that should raise any concerns, as they are a very loyal person. they actually make it known loud and clear if they're already spoken for, and enjoy flaunting their partner in many ways. this is a person who will bring up your achievements and strengths at a social gathering, not to flex having you at their arm, but to genuinely shine a spotlight on you. especially if it'll get you flustered. they have a very playful energy to them that's endearing and youthful regardless of their actual age. a little bit of a peter pan vibe where they'll retain their young spirit well into their retirement. they're very easy-going and likeable, and have a lot of friends, and may connect you to a ton of new people. expect your social life to explode as a result of this connection, but at the same time be sure to make time for the friends and supporters that you have right now.

this person is used to being the centre of attention, not just socially, but professionally too. they may have a very visible job or hobbies that connect them to an audience of some kind within their chosen field. their energy is very contagious and fun, though that doesn't mean they're entirely air-headed and incapable of taking things seriously. i'm strongly getting that either they or someone close to them has struggled with a physical or mental illness for a good part of their life, so they have developed almost like an antenna to pick up on things going on that aren't being said out loud. especially if you're someone who frequently avoids bringing up your problems as to not burden others, or have a difficult time reaching out for support and being honest about how things affect you, you can rest assured that this person will quickly try to learn how to read you, or even outright ask how they can best assist you when you're struggling or even request some sort of secret code that you can use to communicate your unease so that they can quickly come to your aid.

they have a little bit of a problem taking their own concerns seriously. they seem to cope through distractions mostly. a positive in this is that they don't let things that are out of their control bother them and they do the best they can with what they got at any given time. a true optimist, but a negative aspect is that they may avoid facing their demons and try to outrun their problems. this can manifest itself with workaholic tendencies and a packed schedule in general. there might be some sort of saviour complex involved, too, in which they feel compelled to help everyone else and neglect their own needs. towards you in particular i'm getting a lot of pda and quality time. you slow them down a bit and help them stop to smell the roses. they'll be surprised by how much they've longed for peace and simplicity, and they find that solace and ease with you and it really heals them on a deep level, which in turn amps up the energy and effort they show you. goodbye routine lovers, honestly. this one walks the talk and really keeps up the pace long after the honeymoon phase.

some additional details: i'm not getting a lot in terms of appearance, which may suggest that you already know them, or at least know of them, even if they don't know of you yet. it's possible that you share mutual friends or interests or work within the same field. there is a big emphasis on their voice, and things may start off as long-distance with hours upon hours on the phone. astrological things that appear significant: leo, pisces, the sun, mercury, 11th house, 2nd house.

02.

you've been flying solo for a while now. perhaps you grew tired of, or dare i say even gave up on love? it may have seemed like there just aren't as many fish in the sea as promised. at least none that you could take seriously. and serious is what you want. and serious is what you're getting.

first and foremost i must say your standards aren't too high. do not feel ashamed of what you want, and don't let anyone tell you that you need to set realistic expectations. they're exactly where they need to be and you're attracting the quality you seek. you've ventured further out to sea to find yourself a bigger catch. the journey hasn't been easy, but it has helped you grow tremendously. i'm strongly getting that your past experiences have really helped you fine tune your build-a-bae, so to speak, and there's no more reconfiguring to do. you know what you want and what you don't want, how much of this and how much of that. the next lessons for you to learn in love are ones you will not tackle on your own, but alongside a long-term partner who is at your level. long gone are the days of disappointments and putting up with feeling like you're outgrowing your partner, because this next person is mature and ready to grow with you.

this person is what fairytales would call your true love. in as many ways as you are one and the same, you differ, sometimes wildly so. if you're an introvert, they're an extrovert. if you seek comfort, they seek adventure. it's your goals and dreams and values that hold hands in agreement, and that builds up a strong foundation for your connection. if you have a lot of feminine energy, they have a lot of masculine energy. you two may even look like opposites in some ways, or come from different cultures. and do not fret, because your differences will be a blessing, not a curse. this isn't a re-run of a love where you felt like you weren't seen or heard and were made to bend. there is a distinct element of give and take here. a beautiful balance wherein they enjoy your world and your ways, and don't force you to change any of it, and you feel compelled out of genuine desire to take their hand and let them show and share their world with you. and you're able to coexist perfectly fine in a way that makes you both feel fulfilled and at ease.

things may stall a little at first, because this person will have a bit of whiplash when the two of you meet. they may feel as if you stepped right out of their dreams in a way. like a ghost from their childhood when they were around their parents or grandparents and thought of the person they'd grow old with some day. and suddenly you're there, a distant memory made flesh, a memory forgotten long ago making a big splash as it resurfaces. but once they gather themselves i see that they'll be very direct in their pursuit of you. and it's quite the old school courting, too. they make their intentions clear and have the follow-through to walk their talk. this is a very open and honest person, although they appear a bit emotionally disconnected at times. it's not due to a lack of emotional sensitivity, but processing things before acting or speaking is a part of their character. they're very serious in love, and don't seem to fit into the modern age of tinder and hookups.

they may have a strong connection to the sea, live by the ocean, look mediterranean, or enjoy activities related to water. their features in general leans darker. be it their eyes, hair, skin, or the way they dress. there is something specifically drawing me to their hands. perhaps they work with their hands, are a very crafty person, or have a physically demanding job. or simply have very attractive hands that you would take note of. physical touch is important to them, and they are very protective of their loved ones.

speaking of loved ones, they have strong familial ties and may come from a big family. i'm also strongly getting that they come from money, though without the nepotism often associated with it. their father in particular may have made it a point to raise them with a lot of discipline and drive to make something of themselves and not just rely on a trustfund. this person is ambitious and a hard worker, and prefers to be involved and hands-on with what they do. i'm also seeing siblings playing a big role in your connection. one in particular could connect with you in a meaningful way. this family is one that will welcome you with open arms and you will feel as though you have gained another family to call your own. if you have any childhood wounds related to family, this one takes found family quite literally.

some additional details: travelling and holidays figure strongly. things get taken to the next level rather quickly because there is a lack of doubt involved. they're very generous with their time and money. this has massive signs of marriage. astrological things that appear significant: aries, taurus, saturn, the moon, the 4th house, the 9th house.

03.

it seems like you're stuck on something, or someone. and that situation didn't treat you fairly. this feels less like betrayal and more like you spent some time hauling dead weight around. in vain, i might add. either you already have or will soon drop it and move on. it might be difficult, though, and i apologise if i'm overstepping here, but in part it's due to an inability to truly let go on your part. if you want to get even, or show someone what they lost, do it by moving on with grace and making decisions for yourself and your own growth and success. beware of people around you who would gladly take advantage of your vulnerability right now. even if it feels like a rebound would benefit you, it'll only hurt you if you find yourself looking over the shoulder of another person to see if the one who hurt you sees and is affected by it. what will truly help you heal is to dust yourself off and focus on feeling whole within yourself. and don't worry, you didn't stumble into yet another love reading that will tell you, well, tough luck, no love for you, work on yourself! whilst i certainly will call you to take care of yourself and pursue things that serve you and your growth, i will also go over what's coming next.

and that's something a little eerie. you may have someone in your past, who you consciously or subconsciously measure everyone else up to. perhaps this was the one that got away, or someone you met at the wrong time. in one way or another, there is a situation you wish had happened differently. in your pursuit of finding yourself again and some solid ground to stand on after enduring stormy seas, you may run into someone who is eerily similar to someone you once knew. but at the right time, now. for some of you this may very well be the exact person you already have history with, or could've had history with, though with major improvements from the previous season. but for many this is just an oddly familiar stranger who gives you a bit of deja vu. they share many similarities with someone you've been attracted to, just less red flags and complications.

this person seems rather cerebral. their job, studies, or hobbies may revolve around psychology, literature, or science. they're very good with their words, both written and spoken. they can also be quite blunt, but not with malicious intent. they aren't afraid of speaking their mind, and may be quite passionate about their opinions. they're a great teacher, and a good student, too. they enjoy delving deeply into things and soak up new information like a sponge. they'll greatly value your opinion and perspective, and the two of you may engage in debates or discussions about a variety of topics. intellectually speaking you're on the same wavelength and seem to understand each other intuitively.

it's very possible that this starts off platonic. whilst you may be ready to jump into a relationship with them from the start, they prefer to take things slowly and really get to know you first. you may worry that the spark between you will fade over time, but this one is a lesson of patience and building a strong connection as a foundation first. especially if in the past you've been quick to hurt or get hurt, you're about to learn how differently a lover will treat you when you're first and foremost a dear friend. this connection has the potential of some serious power couple themes in the long run. the two of you feel almost dangerous as duo, but i think that just goes to show that the initial spark won't fade and actually benefit from a bit of a slow burn before the fire starts raging at full force.

there is a lot of chemistry between the two of you. a very push-and-pull, engaging, and intoxicating energy. you'll keep each other on your toes in a way that keeps things feeling fresh and exciting. you're partners in crime and the world appears to be your playground. any past heartbreaks and feelings of lack, even lackluster, is gone and replaced with adventure and passion. you're very attracted to them, and they to you, in a way that could be classified as an addiction if it weren't for the fact that the side effects are predominantly positive. the two of you may collaborate on some kind of project, and your joint efforts are sure to be a success. though you do many things together, you also support each other in your separate endeavours. there may be a bit of mutual artist and muse dynamic here, wherein you inspire them and they inspire you. you both value your individuality, and hype each other up.

this person feels devilish in some way. a maverick of sorts. they're taller, perhaps lanky, and there is an unconventional attractiveness to them. they have a unique look that really pulls you in and makes them stand out anywhere they go. they might dress in a way that makes them different from the crowd. they really march to the beat of their own drum. i'm not getting much in terms of family, so they may be very independent and live a life separate from family, or they may have some wounds in regards to their home life that they keep their walls up over. they take their friendships very seriously, many of them are ones they'd take a bullet for. this is a very ride or die type of person. they're very resilient and if they've known terrible hardships in their past, you'll be in awe of their personal strength and ability to get back up when they're knocked down.

some additional details: music is very relevant to the point where you should expect to receive a personalised playlist as a way for them to communicate their feelings for you. they might be musically inclined and play an instrument. astrological things that appear significant: scorpio, aquarius, aries, pluto, uranus, 3rd house, 10th house, 12th house.

[nishloves]

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘;

choi seungcheol x f! reader (school au) genre : angst, fluff, childhood sweethearts, miscommunication words : 6k synopsis : both of them are just a pile of hot and unconfident messes. warnings : curse words unedited.

you sometimes sit still and wonder, was it all in your imagination? you sometimes smile at the fond recollections, of the way he would twirl your hair between his fingers whenever you would be taking notes, you smiled at the ways you both would play around the dining table of his house, giggling and screaming as his mother would cook up delicious snacks for you both— she would pat your head and urge you to eat more as you'd retort and say that you're full. you remember the way he would throw you on his back and push you down on the sofa or the bed to steal your belongings. you chuckle as you remembered the way his smile would falter the moment you had to go, promising him that you would come back sooner. although you never did, your visits to his house lessened over time and are non-existent now.

it was all in the past after all.

yet you still very clearly remembered the day you had met him.

"seungcheol!" the teacher had called out to him as you stared at him with wide eyes, all the students of class excited for the newest arrival to their class.

"yes ma'am?" the third grader looked up to his teacher and then his eyes fell on yours, a warm smile marking it's way on his face.

"help y/n to get settled in the class."

"yes ma'am!"

the children beamed at you as you blushed, your hands a little clammy as you looked around the colourful classroom, it was painted pink and green with numerous sketches pinned up on the walls, the educomp barking in robotic voice as seungcheol approached you.

"hello y/n," he smiled at you and took your hand, "sit next to me first!"

you grinned, you knew that you were going to befriend him at that moment.

"you still haven't finished those chapters?" seungcheol exclaimed as you looked at him sheepishly.

"i didn't have time to write the answers—"

"you had to take admission like three weeks before exams, didn't you?" seungcheol groaned as he pulled your notebook towards himself, your brows scrunched up, what was he doing?

"come on, I'll help you write, you have to work on english too, right?" he said as your eyes widened.

it was the activity day at school! he would have to miss all those fun things for helping you!

"you don't need to do it, seungcheol—"

"but I want to," the third grader grinned at you as he opened your notebook and started copying notes from his notebook.

"seungcheol—"

"y/n! come on! start writing your english notes now!" he commanded as you nodded at him hesitantly, your heart full of warmth as you pulled a chair beside him, trying your hardest to finish your work as soon as possible so that he could go and enjoy the activity day— and not be stuck helping you, until a teacher approached you both.

"what are you doing?"

"pending work, ma'am," seungcheol replied on both of your behalf as you looked up at the teacher.

"you have pending work, seungcheol?"

"not mine, ma'am— hers."

"then let her do her work by her own self, why are you doing her work?" the teacher said as she tried to snatch your copy away from seungcheol but, he didn't let her.

"no ma'am, let me help her!"

"you're missing your activities though."

"it's fine, ma'am;" he looked at you, a warm smile on his face, "she would feel lonely and didn't you say that we should always help people?"

"i did but—"

"so let me help her, please?" the young boy gazed up at his teacher, his eyes twinkling with happiness as the lady sighed, "alright, go ahead."

you silently gazed at the boy, no one had ever stuck up for you like that.

"you didn't have to do that, cheol."

"why?" he looked at you, his lips in a pout, "i want to help you and stay with you."

heat rushed to your cheeks as a grateful smile framed your face, you were glad that he was your friend.

"thankyou cheol," you whispered as the boy pulled your cheeks, "just let me pull your cheeks."

you groaned but you complied nonetheless, he was your first friend in this new school afterall.

"they are calling out to you—"

"let them, i would rather sit here," seungcheol said, leaning on the sofa as he grinned at you.

"why though—"

"it's my party, i will sit wherever I want, plus it's also hard to meet you at school these days after our classes were shuffled," the fifth grader smiled at you as he pushed his newly gifted videogame towards you, "look at this though! isn't it very cool?"

you stared at the game in your hands, a grin spreading on your face as you replied, "yeah! it looks very cool!"

"play it for me," he smiled at you as you flinched.

seungcheol was notorious for not sharing his toys; hell his mother was complaining about it just a few minutes ago, did his demeanor change this soon?

"you haven't even played with it yet," you smiled as you passed his videogame back to him.

"so what? play it for me, so that I can observe you and win it easily when i play it myself—" his eyes twinkled, "i bet my high score will be better than yours."

that did it for you as you pulled the game from his grasp and tried to play it with as much concentration you could muster in that bustling birthday party of his. you both were living in your own world as his friends played among themselves, suddenly realising the missing birthday boy.

"seungcheol!" they called out to him as you both looked up.

"come here!"

"in a minute!"

seungcheol gazed back at you as you lightly nudged him to go towards his friends,

"will you be alright?" he asked, his eyes droopy as he stared at you.

"ofcourse!"

"you wouldn't feel out of place right?" he asked, his hand on your shoulder, "you're the only girl here among so many boys, plus they all are my friends— i don't want you to feel lonely," he said.

"i won't! i could make friends easily you know," you retorted as you sensed the videogame in your hands, "plus I also have this game if i feel bored, they are your friends! play with them! it's your party!"

he looked up at you and nodded wordlessly as he ran towards his friend, your heart dampened slightly but it didn't matter right? it was his party, he should enjoy it as much as he can.

seungcheol didn't let you feel alone for long though, in another five minutes he was right next to you, pulling you towards his group of friends.

"play with us!" he announced as he threw you on his back when you showed resistance. how the hell was he so strong?

"won't they feel weird?"

"they won't!" seungcheol grinned at you, "it's my party! they have to do as I say!"

you laughed as you played around the ten year olds, running around the garden as they tried to catch you with seungcheol helping you out here and there, you had never seen the boy smile so widely before and that day you had made sure, you will try to make him smile everyday— or whenever you both meet.

... that aged well, didn't it?

"y/n," seungcheol huffed as he stood next to you, tired out of his wits as his friends were leaving one by one; you were gonna leave later though.

"yes?"

"next time I will invite more girls of my class so that you don't feel alone," he said as you punched his arm, "you don't need to! your friends are great."

"I'm better though," he grinned at you as you rolled your eyes at him.

"y/n?"

"yeah?"

"you look pretty today," he flashed a blinding smile towards you as you could feel your face heat up yet you smiled effortlessly, "thankyou cheol."

"come to my party again," he smiled, waving you as you walked towards your ride, a small grin on your face as you looked back at him, "don't forget to invite me!"

"i would never." liar.

you left his house feeling elevated, you had made so many new friends and cheol's game was awesome, you couldn't wait to meet up with him and play the game again!

"did you have fun, sweetheart?" your mom asked as she hugged you, her heart filling with warmth as she saw the unmistakable smile on your face.

"i did mom! i had so much fun."

"do you feel good?"

"i feel amazing, mom!"

your teeth clattered as your fingers trembled at the backstage, you had taken part in a poetry recitation and composition competition, and hell you were nervous.

you repeatedly looked at your poem and tried to remember it as much as you can until you heard his voice startling you to reality.

"y/n?" he called out to you as he leaned towards you, his eyes fixated on your poem as you crumpled the paper in your hands,

"hey! you're a competitor," you grinned, pushing seungcheol away from you as he quirked up a brow, a cocky smile on his face as he said, "what? you think you will lose coz of me? the great y/n l/n who has never stepped out of the top three would lose because of me?"

you rolled your eyes as you simply stood next to seungcheol, you eyed at his poem,

"you write really well," you smiled, reading his admittedly good poem.

"thanks," he smiled at you as a boy from beside you both groaned, "so you let her look at your poem and not me? it's not like I'm going to copy your whole work in like two minutes! that too backstage."

seungcheol bantered with the guy as you laughed at them heartily but your hands were still shaking, were you really this nervous? you never had stage fright before!

or was it because it was the first time you were presenting a self-written poem in front of the whole school— you didn't know, but you were very nervous.

"y/n, hey," you heard your friend call out to you as he passed a small smile, "your poem is good too."

"you read it?"

"just a stanza," he smiled, his gaze far away on the stage as he looked back at you, "you will win."

you nudged his shoulder as you chuckled, "so the great seungcheol is admitting his defeat?"

he passed you a childlike grin, his gummy smile sending shivers up your spine as he lightly squeezed your hand, "it's alright if the one I'm losing to is you."

his words were like a chant to you, regularly spiralling in your head as you took the dais, "you will win." his voice repeated in your head as you took a deep breath in and your mouth opened.

everything was a blur, from your introduction to your recitation, yet the applause of the crowd was surreal, the way the teachers scrambled up to you to ask if you had actually written the poem by yourself was too flattering. but amidst all this, you wanted to know how did he think about it?

did he think you did well?

you missed his half of his recitation because of the crowd but, he was as good as always, the moment he finished you ran up to him a wide grin on your face as you beamed, "you did amazing!"

"really? you think so?"

"yeah! your voice control was amazing! and your vocabulary and flow was very apt too," you rambled on, telling him about everything you found amazing in his poem as he smiled at you, his eyes twinkling.

"i thought you were better."

seungcheol accepting that someone was better than him?

"i-i was?"

"yeah, i loved your poem, a lot."

a blush crept up to your cheeks as you looked away from him while cheol spoke up about how you will win. and he was right, because you did win. and he was the happiest about it.

"told you so," he grinned at you as you nudged his arm.

you smiled as you remembered, this was how the twelve year old y/n got over her rare stage fright.

"would you participate in the rj activity though?" he asked, his hands buried in his blazer as he walked next to you. the worst thing about private schools would be their unflattering uniforms for sure.

"what activity?"

"well, we have to pose as radio jockeys and perform a skit based on it."

"is it group wise?" you asked, your brows knitting up as seungcheol grinned at you.

"nope, house wise."

you laughed as you looked at him, "should we defeat them and leave them in dust?"

"aye aye captain."

both your and seungcheol's house was the same so you were a literal nightmare for others whenever you both teamed up, but your friends weren't any less, were they?

you remember seungcheol coming over to your home as you both happily worked on the script, skipping the classes as an excuse for preparing for activities and when the day came, you were sure that you'd win.

"y/n? should we get changed?" one of your teammates asked you as you nodded at her, as you said, the worse part about private schools was their uniform so it was a blessing whenever you could wear casual clothes at school.

you got ready as soon as possible, feeling happiest in your favorite pair of jeans and shirt as you stepped out of the changing room, only to find seungcheol and others waiting for you in your classes.

"just how long do you all take to get read— holy shit, y/n." the thirteen year old boy's lips sealed up as he gazed at you, he couldn't remember to snatch his gaze away from you until you smiled.

"cheol?" you asked, a teasing smile on your face as the boy looked away from you.

it wasn't meant for you to hear but you did,

"you really are very pretty."

and that's when you realised, you probably... probably didn't think of seungcheol as a friend anymore.

"mina," you looked at your best friend after the activity was finished a small blush on your face as you said, "I think... I like seungcheol."

oh? about the activity? you both won, easily.

you didn't want them to know, you didn't want him to know, you weren't ready for him to know!

"why did you tell them?" you asked your bestfriend as she just shrugged, "come on now, it's just them, they aren't gonna tell anyone! they promised to me."

"they did?"

"yeah! so don't worry now!"

apparently, promises meant nothing to eighth graders, why would they? soon the news about the great l/n's little crush on choi seungcheol spread around like a wildfire throughout the school. not even your class, throughout the school.

their incessant teasing was eating you up and even your best friend wasn't shutting up.

you had never felt so vulnerable in your whole life and you weren't able to deny it really— you seriously did like seungcheol... a lot.

but now, when you both were finally in the same class, you didn't have the courage to speak up to him, to talk to him.

you were cowardly enough to not even text him either.

"i don't think he likes you though," one of his friends said as he stood in front of you.

you smiled at him painfully, "yeah, i know... i don't think he likes me like that either."

but you didn't miss his lingering stares, his annoyed eyes whenever any guy would make you laugh, his bashful smiles whenever you both were teamed up for the projects.

but the howling of the whole class ruined it all, instead of relishing in the warmth of first love, you were buried in embarrassment of having your feelings known to the entire world, and it didn't seem like mina was going to stop talking about it.

yet you always sat with her, because after all, she was your best friend and everyone makes mistakes, so... it's fine right?

you still remember when the teachers had set you both and a few of your classmates up for a national film-making (documentary) competition, you huffed under the sunlight as seungcheol looked back at you, stretching his hand towards you, "come!" he said out as you held his hand, he pulled you over to help you sit on a bench next to him as he passed you a cold water bottle.

"don't walk so much if you're this tired."

"I'm fine," you huffed, gulping down the entire water bottle in one go.

"still can't accept it whenever you're wrong, can you?" he grinned at you as you scoffed, "i can! you're just wrong about me!"

"oh yeah?" he smiled at you as his brooch fell down while he groaned.

"this piece of shit just can't stay in one place, can it?" you looked at the fallen school brooch as you laughed at your old friend.

"you just don't know how to wear it."

"if you're so good then why don't you stick it for me?" he was challenging you, both of your intentions were pure, but would your classmates leave you alone?

you smiled as you picked up the brooch from the ground, pulling his tie towards you you attempted to slide the pin on the tie effortlessly.

click!

you heard the camera snap as you turned around, your cheeks hot as you realised your and his position as you better half of the classmates grinned at you.

at least they didn't spread the picture around.

things were better between you and seungcheol now, you both didn't care about the teasing and the friendly competition between you both had ignited again.

but you wondered, both of you knew about your feelings, you don't have to state them again, do you? so if he liked you... he would say something, right?

but the way he kept quiet around you— you sighed, you shouldn't think about it much, he just doesn't like you, that's it.

but one day, when you sat in front of those two girls, you couldn't take it anymore— they were literal bullies in your eyes, and so you snapped,

"i don't even like him!"

he heard it and you could see his big eyes widen further as he looked away from you, you didn't want him to hear it— you wanted to say that it was a lie, because it was! but the teasing had stopped... so you didn't even try to deny it.

you would text him, you assured yourself, but you never did. and soon valentine's day had made its arrival.

people were on their toes researching about your love life, it was as if your life was the soap opera which they had come to watch every single day.

you groaned as you walked away from them, too annoyed by their antics but you stopped in your tracks when you looked at mina and seungcheol talking to each other.

... it isn't good to spy right? you sighed as you walked away from them, if it was something related to you, mina would tell you, right?

"does she like me?" seungcheol asked mina, as he shuffled his feet, a pink hue dusted his cheeks as he looked at mina.

he didn't notice the way mina seethed with slight jealousy as she looked away from seungcheol.

"y/n? oh? didn't you hear? she just had a crush on you, she got over you like weeks ago."

seungcheol's heart stopped beating for a moment as he pursed his lips, his breath slightly shaky as he simply said, "oh... i really was... too late."

he just smiled at the girl and turned away, too hurt to want to look at his crush's bestfriend. he saw you happily chatting with one of your friends and he smiled, he hoped you were always as cheery as he was seeing you now.

"were you talking to seungcheol, mina?" you asked, a slight stutter to your words as your friend lazily looked up at you, "oh him? yeah I was."

"did he say something?"

mina look at you with pity as you could feel your world shatter at her next words, "I'm sorry y/n, he said that he likes me."

"oh..." oh. you should've just said what you wanted. maybe you were too late— maybe, you actually never had a chance.

you put up a smile in front of mina while your heartbeat fastened, "it's alright, you can't help people you like, huh."

"I guess so... I'm very sorry though."

"you don't need to be." you simply said as you turned towards your bus, ready to go back to home.

your mom knew that something was wrong when she saw your face.

"are you alright, sweetie?"

"i just... don't feel good, mom." you smiled at her before locking yourself in your room.

maybe if you both weren't a bunch of cowards, things would have been different then.

you couldn't talk to cheol anymore— not after you had heard that he liked your bestfriend out of everyone, not after you both had already severed your relationship because of teenage awkwardness.

the visits to his house stopped, you never texted him again, neither did he.

he knew about your feelings so why did he— why did he have to like her out of everyone?

you were a high-schooler now, yet the story of yours and seungcheol's was still the talk of the town, you were even more popular than before and you didn't enjoy it, you didn't enjoy it at all.

moving on from cheol was hard, but you would move on, it doesn't matter anymore.

yet you could feel your emotions weigh your down, eat at your insides, deplete your confidence.

but when you felt him glare at you, you couldn't help it.

"hey," you nudged your other friend, "was he glaring at me?" you asked as your friend looked at him.

"shit— it looks like he wants to kill you."

you scoffed out of disbelief, what did you even do? did mina reject him because you liked him? even if she did, it wasn't your fault? you wouldn't even care. liar.

"wait, someone asked me if you were in a long-distance relationship with someone a while ago."

"what?" you whipped your head towards your friend as she nodded at you, "something about jihoon?"

"but jihoon is just my friend! what were they saying?"

"something like... you've been dating him for about a year now?"

you gasped as you got up from your seat, you knew it was mina who had talked about it. you had talked about jihoon only to her.

you marched towards mina as you asked her, "are you the one spreading rumours about jihoon and i?"

"what rumours?"

"he's not my boyfriend, mina! he's just a friend!"

"you don't like him?"

"of course not! i just liked talking to him," you confronted her as she looked at you apologetically.

"I am sorry— many guys were asking if you're single so i told them about jihoon, i didn't know that you didn't have a crush on him, i will clear it all up! don't worry!"

you pursed your lips as you looked at your best-friend, "you will right?"

"yeah, don't worry!" she never did.

the moment when cheol marched up to you, you had braced yourself to explain everything to him, but why should you? were you even friends now?

"i don't even like you,"

his words were like a dagger to your heart as he walked past you, not even stopping to hear your voice.

you chest seethed with anger as you scoffed at his shadow, you turned around and moved away from him, you wouldn't let this man make you cry anymore, you wouldn't waste your time over choi seungcheol.

you're going to move on from him, no matter what it takes.

you had promised yourself that you wouldn't cry. yet when you saw his picture with his girlfriend— you couldn't help it. just a day before your birthday too, huh.

you sighed as you looked at the night sky, you hated yourself for feeling this way for a mere human, just what was so special about him that you couldn't look at others?

was it because he was your first friend? was it because he was the kindest to you— he's kind to everyone, y/n; you tried to tell yourself, but that nagging feeling in your head— that voice which didn't shut up repeatedly said— he was different to you.

you didn't know about it— you didn't know it at all.

you weren't someone special, seungcheol knew that too. and maybe that's why you had fallen for him so hard. so hard that you were wasting your tears on him years after everything had happened.

he didn't care— you try to tell yourself. he never did. he never liked you as more than a friend, it was your own foolishness which tore you both apart.

friends weren't supposed to fall for each other, but you did. and that was your biggest mistake.

you threw your phone across the bed as you prepared to sleep, you didn't care about any 12AM wishes, because you knew he won't wish you anymore— he doesn't remember your birthday anymore. you just knew, he didn't care anymore. he never loved you, so it's better for you to haul yourself and to not look back.

because at the end, he never saw you as more than a friend.

1 2 : 0 6 a. m.

seungcheol: happy birthday, y/n.

you chuckled at those bittersweet recollections with cheol, it was all amazing in a way, even after all these years, hearing the name choi seungcheol makes you smile, you don't think that you could ever hate him, not when he made you feel such a beautiful thing.

mingyu : half of your anxiety exists because of seungcheol, you both need exposure.

you sighed as you looked at your best-friend's text, remembering that you had pestered him earlier about your lack of boyfriend and he started listing out the reason, you knew he was right, but you didn't want to confront cheol anymore, it had already been three years.

you : does it even matter?

mingyu : it does when it affects you like this, you don't even like him y/n! yet you won't even try dating because of your issues— I'm not saying they are bad but, it's the only way you'd get better. atleast, give those boys a chance.

you sighed as you looked at the clock, it was 2AM, and then you looked at mingyu's text. you wondered about what your fourteen year self would want to do.

you sucked in a breath as you wondered, would it... would it really be fine to date someone? to love someone with all your heart that it takes years to try not love them anymore?

yet you still know, a small part of your heart, will always adore seungcheol.

you searched seungcheol's name in your contact, clicking on his contact you but your lips. after all these years, you're gonna tell him— you're gonna tell him about how you felt. you can't run away from your emotions. you shouldn't. not when they were tying you down.

you : hey... can we talk?

cheol : hi y/n, sure.

you : at school? tomorrow?

cheol : okay, as you wish.

your heart-beat fastened as you looked at his texts again and again, shit. what the fuck did you do? what are you doing after all these years? have you deluded yourself to think that you've moved on from him? have you actually moved on from him? what are you even going to talk to him about?

mingyu : y/n? are you alright? are you okay? can I call you?

you : i texted him.

mingyu : seungcheol?

you : yes

mingyu : AT 2 FUCKING AM?

you : yes.

mingyu : are you an idiot?

you : a big one.

you switched off your phone as you pushed your face in your pillow, it was all a dream right? since when did you gain this much of confidence, it will all be a dream when you wake up. the moment you wake up, it'd all vanish!

it didn't, you winced when you looked at three missed calls from mingyu.

yeah, that's an issue for the future me,

you sighed as you stared at your ceiling for a few minutes; you know you have moved on, so why is your heart beating so fast? you know you don't like him anymore, so why are your breaths so short?

you got up on your bed as you stared at your school backpack on the edge of your bed, you took a deep breath in. may it be four years or four months, you're ready now. you need the exposure, you need the truth. so you will tense up and talk to him.

"hannah, oh god, i can't do this—" you panicked in front of your friend as your friend tried to help you calm down amidst chemistry class.

"i have to talk to him in like fifteen minutes? i can't! I'm unable to speak clearly now, i seriously can't talk to him— I'm scared."

"y/n," your friend stared at you as you gasped for breath. "you need to talk to him. all is done, you will talk to him."

you silently nodded at her as mingyu looked at you from the side, passing a cookie towards you, "eat."

you felt bile rise up in your throat, your mouth was dry as you pushed the cookie away, "i can't eat. I'm too nervous."

you looked at the worried glances of your friends as you stood up and excused yourself to the washroom, you can do it. and you will do it. you just have to talk about your feelings, right? what could be so hard in that?

so why did you run away when you saw him approaching you?

"y/n! shit— are you okay?" mingyu asked you as nodded shakily.

"i can't talk to him."

"he's a good person, he won't judge you."

"i know!" you retorted, "but-but it's just so fucking hard, gyu. I haven't ever been transparent about my feelings to anyone and it's-its."

"but have you ever felt this strongly for anyone before?"

you shook your head, "no. and that's what scares me."

mingyu sighed as he patted your head, "you don't need to do this today."

"but I should."

"then he's out there waiting for you."

and he was, he really was.

"hey," he called out to you, a small smile on his face, "you wanted to talk to me."

you gulped, your hands shaking nervously as you tried to replicate his smile, "I did— can you give me a moment though?"

why were you still so nervous? why was it all so hard still?

"cheol- i... I wanted to talk about eighth grade and everything—"

"it was all years ago, y/n, it's alright," cheol chuckled but when he looked at your eyes, he knew it was important for you.

"can you still talk to me?"

"yes... but I don't remember half of it!" he began saying but you moved towards him, your eyes practically begging him to talk to you as he sighed, you could see the pink rush up to his cheeks as he looked away from you.

"did you really forget?"

"no, i didn't. i could never."

you smiled at him, "you see cheol— i... I liked you.. a lot and—" you speech wavered as you tried to fetch words to confess to him but, it was still so hard, it was so hard to speak your own heart.

"i know," he said, his eyes kinder as his lips twitched, yearning to break out into a smile. "I know."

that's why you loved him, you didn't have to say everything for him to understand.

"i just- i really wanted to tell you that personally," you smiled up at him gratefully as cheol nodded at you, understanding your motive about your own confession years after, years after you had finally moved on from him.

"did you—" you don't need to ask that.

"did i?"

you don't need his validation so why are you still so stuck on asking him? fuck it, you have already done the heavy part, right?

"as you know that I liked you— a lot," your heart still thumped with every word spilling with your lips but you couldn't help but notice the ease in your limbs, was confessing this liberating?

"did you ever like someone—"

"no," he said with finality, his eyes a little shocked at your question, "i liked... you a lot too," he said with a slight hesitation as he rubbed his nape out of embarrassment. "i liked you for a full year but,"

oh?

"I had assumed that you weren't ready for a relationship— and fuck, i was a coward, so i... i—"

"it's okay," you smiled up at him, you weren't going to let him regret it when you didn't, you were simply happy to hear his side as you shook your head, "it's alright, it was all in the past."

you grinned up at him as he smiled back at you.

nothing else was left to say, you knew you wouldn't ever talk to him after this, you knew that your paths won't cross again, so you relished this moment as much as you could, before you finally said your goodbye. goodbye to your first friend of this foreign school, goodbye to your first love.

you were ecstatic as you stepped in your class, a huge grin on your face as you ran towards hannah and mingyu, your voice full of vigour, "I told him!" you grinned as you jumped at your place, your friends cheering you on as hannah and mingyu passed a lunchbox towards you, while you grinned and told them all the details, happy to realise that, you have finally moved on from your first love.

sometimes fate has something else planned for you, sometimes the fate protects you from fleeting feelings and that's how you and seungcheol were.

sometimes you still wonder about what would've happened if any one of you was just a bit more courageous, but it's all the past right?

be it the right person at the wrong time or unrequited first love.

you didn't end up with seungcheol; but he taught you more than you could've ever learned by yourself.

some mistakes are made throughout your life, but you don't need to regret them.

I don't think you would regret them.

x x x : hey y/n! are you free this weekend?

you smiled at the text as you looked at the calendar, the days were far more easier now.

x x x : would you like to go out with me?

you : sure <3

you chose to speak your heart, you chose your confidence again and it was all thanks to choi seungcheol.

a/n : funfact : i hate miscommunication tropes, but this story was heavily based on my disastrous love life and it's not even half of it <33

hope you liked reading it and i sincerely hope i did a good job writing this; I think that this fic is boring, but I just wanted to type out my story for my relief.

hope you all liked it!

thanks for reading <3

XOXO

[ladykailitha]

Batshit Soulmates: in Medias Res

As promised, the soulmate AU you've all been waiting for. I don't have a set schedule for this. I'll post chapters as they come. That said, I do have a backlog of chapters to put out on the regular.

Summary: Steve's never met his soulmate. Even though everyone else in his life has. Most of them are even bonded. Literal teenagers got their soulmates before Steve. He tries not to take it personally. He tries really hard not to take it personally when he finds out it's Eddie Munson when he has a bottle at his throat. He tries even harder not to take personally when everything that could go wrong, does.

*throws chapter at you and runs*

***

“I just think we should wait,” Steve huffed for what felt like the millionth time. “Give our allies more time to get to Hawkins.”

“But the longer we wait,” Nancy growled back, “the likelihood of Vecna finding someone we don’t know to haunt and kill goes up.”

“Except we know who his next victim is!” Steve yelled back. “You! And excuse me for thinking that using you as bait would be better than a fifteen year old girl!”

“Steve!” Max hissed. “What the hell?!”

Steve looked down at his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked up at Nancy and dared her to tell him he was wrong.

But Nancy was stubborn. “The batteries on her Walkman are going to die sooner, rather than later. I know this whole thing sucks, but the longer we put it off the sooner Vecna could wipe out the whole town.”

Steve looked around the room for support and got none. He sighed. No one was on his side in this. But he could feel it. If they waited just five more minutes. But it was five minutes he wasn’t going to get.

He looked down at his feet again as Nancy started listing off who would go where. His head shot up when Dustin and Eddie were told to be the distraction.

“What?” he said. “No. Eddie is my soulmate.”

Robin put her hand his shoulder. “I know, but we can’t leave Dustin alone and you need to come with Nancy and me to kill Vecna.”

Steve’s face shuttered. So the choice was to go with the girls and protect them or go with Eddie and Dustin and protect them, leaving the girls to battle Vecna by themselves?

No.

No, no, no, no.

He had to protect everyone. Why couldn’t he protect everyone?

It was killing him.

“Just go!” Eddie said. “You know you’re going to be needed when it comes to killing this bastard. They’re going to need your strength.”

Steve let out a whine that had been caught in his throat. “You’re telling me to leave you...” He didn’t understand.

Eddie pressed his fingers into his eye. “It’s not because–it’s not what you think. Honest. This is just proper strategy and you know it. Dustin and I aren’t going to be doing anything but drawing the attention of the demobats away from you and the girls.”

Steve let out another noise of distress. He knew Eddie was right. He did. It just hurt that in the five days since meeting his soulmate, they had spent a total of less than a day together. And most of that was spent getting ready for this.

“All right,” he finally agreed.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief and that made Steve’s heart hurt. They weren’t counting on him to make the right decision. They weren’t counting on him to do the smart thing. Even Eddie had sighed in relief.

Steve shut down. Maybe his mother had been right. Maybe soulmates weren’t everything they cracked up to be. Maybe it was good he was find this out now, before he got too attached.

He gave his little speech and made them promise not to be heroes.

Eddie looked down at the ground and then back up at Steve’s retreating back. He closed his eyes and opened them slowly.

“Hey, Steve?” he called out.

Steve turned around, trying to keep the hope out of his eyes.

“Make him pay.”

Steve nodded and turned back around, his heart shattering in his chest. He was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Hoping for a declaration of love. Hoping that Eddie felt something for him. But despite Eddie’s reassurances that he no longer thought that Steve was douchebag, he still couldn’t get over the fact that he had been fated to be his soulmate.

He felt the ice creep up his chest to nestle around his heart. All his life he hoped that his soulmate would be the one that’d love him unconditionally when no one else could. But he guessed that was only for children’s fairy tales.

Steve had barely taken two steps when he heard the sound of running feet and then he was being spun around. He was suddenly face to face with Eddie and he couldn’t breathe. Eddie gently took his face in his hands and kissed him on the lips.

Steve had melted. That is the only explanation for how gooey his insides had become. Eddie pulled back.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he panted. “Be safe. Come back to me, okay, Stevie?”

Steve rested his head against Eddie’s. “You, too. I can’t lose you now. Please.”

“Okay, baby,” Eddie whispered. “Okay.”

Steve watched as his soulmate ran back to Dustin, his heart just as heavy, but now whole.

Robin tapped his shoulder. “Come on, Steve. Vecna needs to die so you can be together without having to always look over your shoulder.”

He closed his eyes and nodded. Nancy took his hand and gave it a squeeze. He let her lead him away from the best boy he had ever known to kill the person who was responsible for all the turmoil in their lives.

*

Shit.

Eddie looked up at the rope ladder in dismay. All around him he could hear the sounds of the demobats clawing their way through the vents. If he climbed the rope, they would break through the gate and Dustin would be a sitting duck.

They would both die.

“Get Steve on the walkie-talkie!” Eddie yelled. “Tell him the bats are about to break through this gate and I’m leading them away from you.”

“Eddie!” Dustin yelled. “Don’t!”

Eddie took a deep breath and cut the rope ladder.

“No!” Dustin yelled.

“Get Steve!” Eddie yelled over his shoulder as he strapped his makeshift spear and shield to back. He zipped up his jacket, knowing full well that armor was no good if it didn’t cover the bits that needed protecting. He took the bandanna off his hair and tied around his face.

God he hated this place.

He grabbed one of the bikes and hopped on. He just needed to give Steve, Nancy and Robin enough time to kill Vecna so that Dustin was safe.

That’s all he needed. Just two minutes.

Behind him he could hear the screech of the bats turn from the trailer to chase him. After all even a moving target out in the open is better than a sitting target in a tin can.

Eddie wasn’t sure how long he could outrun them. He wasn’t exactly in peak physical condition but he had to try.

It took him a bit to realize that subconsciously he hadn’t been running from Dustin, but to Steve. And just how fucked up was that. Which of course was when the front tire hit a small hole in the ground and he went tumbling, rolling in the dirt. His shield and spear prevented him from getting up and he thought for sure that this was the end.

But suddenly he was being righted and yanked to his feet.

“Eddie!” Steve called over the screeching of the bats.

“Steve!” Eddie called back. “Are the girls okay?”

Steve nodded. “I left Robin with the Malatov cocktails and Nancy with her shot gun. They’re kicking his ass.”

Eddie pursed his lips and nodded back. “Dustin is safe. Or as safe as I can make that kid.”

Steve closed his eyes. “He said you told him the bats were breaking in though the vents.”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t want them to get to him or out into Hawkins, lynch mob aside, so I lead them away.”

Steve gave him a hug. “Well then, let’s keep their attention on us, shall we?”

“Bring it on!” Eddie yelled, pulling off his shield and spear.

Steve stood at his back, ax in one hand, nail bat in the other. He twirled them both, warming up his wrists as he stared up the sky that was now thick with bats.

And even though they had only fought together once before, they moved as one, anticipating each other’s movements and covering each other’s backs.

Steve hit a bat so hard its guts rained down upon them, spraying them with black goo. Eddie in turn protected them with his shield putting it in front of him as the bats slammed into it full force.

He could feel his feet sliding back, but Steve was there and he leaned backward, putting all his weight against Eddie to brace him up.

Eddie had been on the verge of giving up, tears streaming down his face as he fought against impossible odds. But Steve was there. And he remembered that every impossible thing he had ever thought in his life had be come possible in this one man. And he was damned if he wasn’t going to survive this too.

“I love you,” Steve whispered.

Eddie closed his eyes and whispered back. “I love you, too, Stevie.”

The bats soon realized that they couldn’t get through Eddie and turned, swirling in the sky and Eddie could feel it before it happened. They were going to attack Steve.

He pushed Steve to the ground and lifted his shield above their heads. “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too,” Steve replied.

And then all the bats dived at once.

***

Yeah...don't expect a quick resolution to that. Just know, I'm a sucker for happy endings. ;)

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Epilogue

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[amyispxnk]

My Kind of Woman

Chapter 6: Don’t Leave Me in the Dark

Series Masterlist || Previous Chapter

Series summary - Your song captivates Joel the second he hears you that night in Jackson, but he struggles to work up the courage to confess his feelings. With some (very heavy) encouragement from Ellie and Tommy, you two get closer and closer until he finally thinks he’s ready.

Chapter summary - An overnight patrol leads to the resurfacing of some old wounds.

A/N: why did i almost cry writing this wow i don’t think i’ve ever written something quite so angsty ever. And i don’t even think it’s that angsty. whoops

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: fluff, pet names, angst, violence, death, mention of suicide attempt

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

“Alright guys! Good work today, I’ll see you next week.” You grin, waving your students goodbye as the bell rings, signalling the end of the day.

It’s finally Thursday, which means that you and Joel will be going to the guitar store on your patrol, where you hope to find some stuff for Ellie’s birthday.

As you walk to the stables, you mull over the thoughts of some other gifts for the teenager, in case you don’t find anything there, before Joel greets you.

“Hey, sweetheart, you ready to go?” He smiles softly, biting back an even larger grin at the way your cheeks flush from his words. He’s found himself acting more confidently with you, even being able to tease you with this pet name nowadays since he discovered how flustered it could make you.

“Yeah-” your voice comes out slightly shaky, and you clear your throat. “Yeah. Let me just go get May ready.”

You feed your mare an apple before checking your bag and equipment, mounting your saddle and riding out of the gates with Joel.

The trail is much nicer at this time of year as spring slowly fades into summertime. The sun shines down on the pair of you and birds sing around you. It’s picturesque, and almost makes you forget about how the world is today, taking you back to a simpler time where you could walk outside your door without fear of being shot or torn to shreds by the end of the day.

“So anyway, we’re gonna head down here for a bit and then take a left. The store is in this little town we found a few months back.” Joel comments, breaking you from your thoughts.

“Alright.” You hum, and the two of you continue making your way there.

At around 7, you reach the little town, tying your horses up near the outskirts and grabbing your guns before heading deeper. Joel tells you that they weren’t even sure if the place was clear when they first came here, so it probably won’t be now. You should be ready for anything.

Hopefully it’s not as bad as that Route D patrol, you think to yourself as you crawl through rubble and make your way into the building.

That all-too-familiar feeling of unease settles into your bones as the darkness envelops you, dust floating in the air around you, made visible by your flashlights.

It’s pathetic, but you really don’t like the darkness. It’s scary enough when you can see what’s coming for you, but when you don’t know? When the unknown is all that surrounds you wherever you look?

You think that it’s worse.

Your eyes settle on Joel beside you. Even though his gas mask is on, you see that he’s looking at you, checking that you’re okay. His presence always makes you feel better, you’ve come to notice.

“Let’s do this.” You say, determination coursing through your veins, and he nods, leading the way.

As you walk down corridors, scanning rooms and closets, you find that the most remarkable thing in the building so far has been a decaying old body which has been swallowed by a cluster of cordyceps. Certainly not a promising sight, since it means that you’re bound to encounter some infected sooner or later, but you hope that the numbers aren’t strong.

Just over an hour later, you’re thankful to be right, having only encountered half a dozen runners, which you and Joel took down fairly easy.

“Hell yeah! Look, there’s some guitar stuff-” You start, forgetting yourself slightly in your excitement, causing a clicker from a stray closet to come barrelling through, charging straight for you. It jumps on top of you, causing you to scream, starting to fight back when Joel pulls his revolver out and shoots it thrice in the head. He tugs you out from beneath its now limp body.

He pants heavily, eyes wide as he looks at you.

“Are you bit?”

“No.”

He gives you a once-over before shaking his head, letting go of your wrist.

“You could’ve died. Fuck. Y’need to be more careful, can’t go around yellin’ like that.” He mutters, scoffing before walking off.

What the fuck? Why did he seem pissed off at you now?

“Jeez, sorry for almost fucking dying, Joel. I’ll be sure to not do it again.” You huff, going to the other side of the room to start searching for some stuff for Ellie’s guitar. You find a packet of strings and a pickboard with an intricate floral design on it that you think she’ll love. You’re pretty satisfied with the turnout, and pocket these items before heading back to Joel.

You’ve cooled off from the previous encounter, still a little annoyed from how he spoke to you, but not having the energy to fight over it. You’ve noticed the sun slowly starting to set, your detour to the store adding an extra few hours to your patrol and meaning you’ll likely have to spend the night here. You really don’t want to be arguing throughout it.

“Find anything?” You ask quietly, coming to his side. He hums in response, handing you a pick he found.

“Could probably carve somethin’ into that. Make it a little more unique for her, ‘f you want...” He says, trailing off again at the end.

“Oh, that’s a great idea! Could you?” You smile, excited to make the gift even better for Ellie. She’s special to you - why would you have gone to all of this trouble for her present, after all?

“Sure.” He nods, appearing uninterested in arguing and moving on from it by now as well.

He’s about to turn to leave when you speak up again.

“We’re probably gonna have to spend the night, Joel. Look outside.” You tell him, and sure enough, the sky has gone from a pale blue to a deep orange. You won’t make it back to Jackson in time, and you’d rather not be riding in the darkness.

“Yeah, reckon you’re right. Y’got your sleeping bag?” He nods, raising his eyebrows at you.

“Yes I’ve got my sleeping bag.” You scoff, rolling your eyes playfully. “I’m always very prepared, Joel. You know this.” You tease, kneeling down to untie your sleeping bag.

“Sure, darlin’. Then you’d know we should secure the room before setting up the camp. Since you’re always so prepared.” He smirks, and pink tints your cheeks once more.

“Yeah, I was just- you just said to get the bag out so I just.. Whatever. I’ll secure the room.” You mutter bashfully, making him laugh. That laugh was worth the embarrassment, you decide as you stand up to help barricade the doors and windows.

You finally sit down around a little cooker just after the sky goes black, an owl hooting in the distance, wind rustling the leaves outside. It’s oddly calming.

“Thanks for earlier, by the way. I’m sorry for shouting. Was stupid.” You offer quietly, unable to meet his eyes over the stove, instead zeroing in on a piece of ravioli in some 20-year old Chef Boyardee.

“No, I-” he sighs, “Shouldn’t’ve gotten all annoyed at you, either. I’m sorry. Y’were jus’ excited, sweetheart. Nothin’ wrong with that.”

“Yeah, I guess. Thank you, anyway. You totally saved my ass. And you brought me here, too. I haven’t even thanked you for that. If I didn’t have you, I think my gift for Ellie would’ve been so shit.” You chuckle softly, and his lips curl into a smirk.

“I know, I know, you’d be completely lost without me.” He teases, and you laugh a little harder, giggling and hiding your face from him.

Moments like these are why you love being with Joel so much. Laughing so hard that your entire body floods with warmth and your stomach hurts by the end of it. It’s a welcome feeling in these times.

Wait. You love being around Joel? Your brows furrow as you have a conversation with yourself in your mind. You 100% just used ‘love’ and ‘Joel’ in the same sentence. That’s a scary, dangerous path to be going down right now. Just keep it chill.

Joel doesn’t seem to realise your internal struggle, getting up and wiping his hands on his jeans before taking your can and putting them to the side.

“Alright, I think y’should get some shuteye now. I’ll keep first watch. Night, sweetheart.” He says softly, feeling an unfamiliar but comforting feeling blooming inside of him at the thought of spending a night with you. Even if it’s just for patrol, it has him thinking about the potential future of your relationship. Maybe it could become more.

“Goodnight, Joel.” You say quietly, getting in your sleeping bag and facing away from him. You go tense when he turns the stove off, the room plunging into darkness. He doesn’t know of your fears, you realise. In fact, you don’t know much of anything personal about eachother at all.

A few uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing minutes later, you finally relent, sighing and rolling over to face him.

“Joel?” You say quietly into the night, eyes searching for him as you adjust to the darkness.

“Yeah?”

“Can you- can you put the light on? I know it’s a waste of power but.. I just can’t really sleep in total darkness.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and you want to shrivel up and die. He probably thinks it’s a stupid, irrational fear. Being afraid of the dark in a world like this is pathetic, you think.

“Yeah, course. I didn’t know, sorry sweetheart. Y’gon be okay?” He soothes your mind, his low voice putting you at ease.

“Yeah.” You mumble, and he turns the light on before it goes quiet again.

You keep tossing and turning for a good five minutes. Then ten. Then fifteen. Fuck. Why are you so restless tonight? You guess that it’s because you haven’t slept on a patrol in a while, especially not in someone’s presence.. especially not in Joel’s presence.

You sigh frustratedly. Maybe you should just take watch instead.

“I can’t sleep. Let me take first watch instead. You rest.” You grunt, moving to get out of your sleeping bag.

“No, darlin’, you should sleep. Is somethin’ botherin’ you? Anythin’ I can do t’ help?” He offers, eyes soft and large as he gazes up at you from his seat on the floor. It makes your heart swell even more at his caring nature.

“It’s okay, Joel. Just sleep.” You say quietly, clearly not prepared to back down now. He sighs deeply.

“We can take watch together, yeah? I don’t… I just prefer bein’ awake out here.” He murmurs, and it’s only half of the truth. He actually just wants to make sure you’re safe. That, if you accidentally fall asleep or something, he’ll still be awake to protect you.

“Okay. If you’re sure.” You say, yawning softly as you take a seat on his right side. He turns back to face the window, and your eyes fall on that scar again, the one which lies at his temple.

“Hey, Joel?” You whisper. He doesn’t even blink. Did he not hear you?

“Joel? Joel.” You say, a little louder now. He finally turns.

“Are you deaf or something?” You tease, but he doesn’t smile back.

“‘M sorry. I- yeah, kinda.” He responds, a little gruff.

“Oh shit. Sorry.” You say. He was kinda old, you realised. Not that much older than you, but still.

“‘S okay. I uh.. It happened near the start of the outbreak. In a fight.” He mutters, unsure of why he even told you that.

Well, he does know.

It’s because he wanted to tell you the true reason, but that’d probably scare you off, or weird you out. He can’t get that personal with you after only a few months of talking. For some reason, your presence just comforts him like no other, and he feels like he’s known you for years, like he can tell you everything, but you also know everything already, anyway.

“Damn. How’d you make it through the outbreak half deaf?” You murmur, genuinely curious now. That must’ve been why he always takes the left side in almost everything you do on patrols. Clearing a house? He’ll start on the left. Riding along a trail? He’ll listen out for anything along the left side of the path. You had your own suspicions, but this proves it.

“Dunno.” He shakes his head, gaze growing cold as his mind goes elsewhere, eyes getting wet as he recalls all he felt after losing Sarah.

You notice this, and start to panic a little. Shit. You’d asked for too much. You’ve brought up something sensitive unknowingly, and he’ll resent you for it.

You can’t just sit here and let him cry though.

“Hey, it’s okay, Joel. You- you can talk to me. Y’know I’m always here for you.” You say softly, turning to face him a little better. He turns his head and meets your eyes. For some reason, seeing him upset makes you want to cry too, resulting in your own eyes getting a little misty.

He clears his throat before he speaks.

“Had a daughter.” He chokes out, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounds.

Your heart almost stops. Had. Ellie wasn’t his kid, but he used to have one.

You try and think of what to say. I’m so sorry, Joel. That’s terrible, Joel. It’s a basic response, and you feel like it wouldn’t help. For once, you find yourself unable to navigate the situation.

“Scar ain’t from a fight. ‘S from me. Few days after Outbreak Day, when she-” he cuts himself off as his voice breaks, eyes squeezing tightly together.

You don’t know what compels you to do it, but you wrap your arms around him. He doesn’t reciprocate for a moment and you panic again, wondering if that was a bit bold, especially in his emotional state. But then his arms come around you, and he lets you in. He bites back the ugly sob that wants to escape his chest, instead only allowing a few silent tears to fall. You sniffle as you feel them on your skin.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” You whisper, heart breaking as he cries quietly.

“Sorry. That.. was a bit much.” He mumbles, pulling back a little and clearing his throat after a moment, realising he’s supposed to be closed off and not let anyone in, not expose his emotions or feelings or thoughts, but you shake your head.

“Everyone has their demons, Joel. You shouldn’t be afraid to let yourself feel, especially around me.” You murmur. Maybe you should share your own past. You don’t want him to feel alone.

“You wanna know why I’m so afraid of the dark?” You begin, and he doesn’t protest, so you take a deep breath and continue.

“Lost my brother a few years back. Maybe a year before I got to Jackson. We were actually trying to find the place, travelling through the night, and we had to cut through this mall. There were infected roaming outside, and even though we knew that the mall could have raiders in it, we didn’t wanna take on a dozen clickers. So… we start wandering through this dark mall. No lights, no windows, and we only had one flashlight. He went in front and I was following, but- but I knocked something over. And then we heard voices in the distance. They said that they would check out the noise.” You pause to collect yourself, trying to prepare mentally as you recount what happened next. “They said that.. That if they saw anyone to just shoot them. All I remember was that it was so dark, before we saw the flashlight on a rifle. I barely had a chance to think before my brother grabbed my hand and ran blindly with me. We tried finding the exit but- just when we saw the light, he got shot. It was in his stomach and-” You cut yourself off with a quiet sob, trying to continue. “He just crumpled. The last thing he told me was- was to leave him. To keep going for him. I could hear the men coming, but I was still trying to pick him back up or- or something. Then I saw the man aim his gun at me and I panicked and I ran. Like a coward.” You can’t stop yourself from crying now, unable to say any more.

“Oh, baby…” He whispers, pulling you closer and letting you cry. You whimper at his touch. When was the last time you properly cried like this? You’ve been so used to putting on a mask that when you finally let go like this you don’t know what to do with yourself.

“I just- I feel so guilty. I don’t deserve to be happy and safe in Jackson without him. I should’ve died that night. I knocked over the fucking boxes, I-”

He shushes you gently, recognising what you actually mean, knowing the feeling all too well - and knowing you don’t deserve to feel like that.

“Don’t say that, sweetheart. He would’ve wanted you to live and be happy here… Don’t ever say that.” He says, quiet, but firm in his tone.

You sniffle, exhaling shakily. His words don’t totally convince you, but you know deep down that he’s right. He would’ve wanted you to be safe. He would’ve rested easier knowing that he was able to protect you in the end, that it was all worth something.

“I miss him, Joel.” You whimper.

“I know. I miss my girl so much it hurts. It never gets easier, does it?” He says, to which you nod, burrowing further into his side as you yawn softly. You cried yourself to exhaustion.

“Just sleep now, okay? I’ll be here. We’ll keep the lights on.”

You just nod, too tired to respond as your brain finally powers off, and you fall asleep.

He sighs, stroking your hair as he looks back to the slit in the window. He always knew. There was no way someone could truly be this happy on the outside, and really feel it on the inside. He wishes you did feel it on the inside, though. The pain of losing someone you love was one of the worst pains imaginable - he had the scars to prove it.

The next morning is quiet, but not awkward. You both exposed yourselves last night. Even though he said way less than you, you know that your levels of vulnerability vary greatly and you both showed eachother your rawest feelings and shared your darkest memories, deepening your relationship further.

“You ready to head back?” He says after you’ve packed everything up, and you nod.

The journey back starts off quiet, the two of you still deep in thought, before you finally pull yourself back together a little - enough to have some normal conversation.

“So, you got a party planned for Ellie’s birthday?” You ask, looking over at him. He’s on your left again, and you try not to think about why, now that you know the true reason.

“I dunno. Was gonna do somethin’ at the Bison, but I’m not sure yet.”

“Joel!” You gasp playfully. “Her birthday’s only a few weeks away! You gotta let me help you plan this party. I’ll make it into every 16 year-old’s dream.”

He gives you a teasing look, and you roll your eyes. “Trust me, Joel. I got better taste than you, that’s for sure.” You argue, and he relents.

“Fine. If she hates it, I’m blamin’ you.”

“Challenge accepted.” You snicker, hiding the bubbling excitement inside of you, knowing you’ll be spending even more time with Joel over the next few weeks.

Trying to ignore the fact that you cannot fucking wait.

Thank you sm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated <3

Next Chapter

Tags- @mermaidgirl30 @tuquoquebrute @joelmillerisapunk @pascals-doll @casa-boiardi @konigslittleliebling @xxx-silhouette-xxx @hannah9921 @friskispunk @orcasoul @roryfuckedurmum @s0meoone

[overrboarrd]

sanctuary [3]: kick off

firefighter!roman reigns x azure clarke [oc]

warnings: brief mention of spousal loss, light drinking, lots of football

word count: 5.5k

a/n: hello my beautiful peoplee <3 sorry this update kept getting pushed back, i've been annoyingly busy these past couple weeks. this chapter is a chill one, but i really hope y'all like it! the next update may be delayed a couple days cause my birthday is next weekend and i'll be outsideee 🤪 but yeah, i appreciate y'all always! thanks for reading <3

Azure stood at the kitchen counter, pulling a few dishes from the small box she had finally decided to unpack. It wasn’t much—just some mugs and plates—but it felt like progress. The morning sunlight streamed in through the window, casting a warm glow over the bare kitchen. She leaned against the counter, staring at the mess of cardboard and packing paper, absentmindedly turning over a mug in her hand.

She pulled out a few plates, stacking them on the counter, then paused when her phone rang. With a soft smile, she picked up the phone and answered, cradling it between her ear and shoulder. “Hey, Jade.”

“Hey girl! You settled in yet or still living out of boxes?” Jade teased, her voice bringing a bit of comfort to Azure’s morning.

“Definitely still in the 'living out of boxes' phase,” Azure laughed lightly. “I’m unpacking the kitchen right now, but it’s dragging.”

“Ugh, I hate unpacking,” Jade groaned. “But you doing okay? I’m sorry I didn't call sooner, my father in law’s birthday was this past weekend, and you know how Reggie is when it comes to going to his parents’ house.” 

A soft smile spread across Azure’s face, “It’s okay sis.” Her teeth captured her bottom lip in contemplation. “I’ve actually met a few people,” Azure admitted, trying to sound casual, but she knew Jade would pick up on any hesitation in her voice.

“Oh? Do tell.”

“Just some neighbors. They helped me move some boxes.”

“That’s good!”

 “Yeah, they’re... really nice. Two guys, twins, Jimmy and Jey. Invited me to a cookout later on today.” 

“Wait, twins? And they already invited you to a cookout?” Jade teased, a playful edge to her tone. “That sounds promising.”

“It’s not like that,” Azure laughed. “They’re really nice but definitely married. And then… there’s their cousin,” she hesitated. “Roman.”

“Okay…” Jade’s voice trailed. Azure swore she could hear a hint of a smile as Jade continued. “Tell me more about this Roman guy.”

“We talked a little. He welcomed me to the neighborhood, but I think I might’ve rambled. I was telling him about my day at work, how Dr. Rollins pulled me aside because I was running late.”

Jade hummed thoughtfully. “And?”

“And, well… I don’t know. Roman just seemed kind of tense when I mentioned Dr. Rollins. I might’ve made things awkward.”

“Girl, you did not make it awkward. You were just trying to spark up a conversation, right? You haven’t talked to new people in a while… it’s going to feel a little weird. But that doesn’t mean it was bad.” Jade’s voice softened, offering the kind of encouragement Azure needed. “Maybe he’s just one of those quiet shy guys, you know?”

“Maybe,” Azure said, biting her lip. “It’s just—I don’t know. It felt like I was rambling, and he didn’t say much.”

“Azure, stop,” Jade said firmly. “You’re doing great. You’re starting to meet people, and that’s good. Just because it wasn’t a perfect conversation doesn’t mean you blew it.”

Azure sighed, knowing Jade was right but still feeling that small nagging doubt. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And what’s this about the cookout?” Jade’s tone shifted, playful again. “Are you going?”

“I don’t know if I should. Jey and Jimmy invited me, but I feel like it might be too soon, like I don’t really know anyone well enough to go.”

“That’s exactly why you should go! You’re invited, Azure, and it’s a cookout. You’ll meet more people, and it’ll give you a chance to see Roman again. Maybe even smooth out any awkwardness from yesterday. Come on, you gotta go.”

Azure leaned against the counter, cracking a few of her knuckles. “I don’t know…”

“No ma’am. No excuses. You’re going. Next time you see the twins, tell them you’re coming,” Jade insisted.

After a long pause, Azure sighed with a small smile. “If I see them, I’ll let them know I might be there.”

“I guess that’s better than nothing. You’ll have a good time, I promise.” Azure heard Jade exhale a deep breath before she continued. “Azure...” Jade’s voice softened, “I know it’s scary. You’ve been through so much, and it makes sense that you’d want to protect yourself. But you can’t close yourself off forever. You deserve happiness, too. And maybe that happiness is waiting for you in this new place, with these new people.”

Azure’s eyes stung with tears. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that. “It’s just... hard. Every time I think I’m ready to start over, it feels like…” A lump starts to form in her throat. “Like I’ll forget about him.”

“You’re not going to forget about Derrick,” Jade said firmly. “You’re honoring him by finding a way to live again.”

Azure swallowed, her emotions swirling. “Thank you for that sis.”

“Of course girl,” Jade said, her voice lightening. “And remember, I’m always here if you need to talk, okay?”

“Thanks, Jade. I really appreciate it.”

After they hung up, Azure looked at the small kitchen box she hadn’t quite finished unpacking. Jade was right; she needed to put herself out there, even if it felt strange and unfamiliar. Jade’s words echoed in her mind, but the fear remained. She had come here to start over, but every step toward something new felt like she was leaving pieces of herself behind. She wanted to blend into the newness of this place, to feel the laughter, the warmth, the life around her. But what if it hurt too much? 

What if joy felt like a betrayal? 

Could she really open herself up again?

The thought of Roman tugged at her, though she quickly brushed it aside. 

Azure strolled out to the front porch. With a sigh, she pocketed her phone and made her way to the car; the gentle warmth of the Pensacola morning wrapping around her like a light blanket. The street was quiet, a slight breeze rustling the trees overhead as she unlocked the car and leaned in to retrieve a bag of things she had left the day before.

As she pulled the bag out, she heard the familiar rumble of a car engine from across the street. Glancing up, she noticed Jimmy pulling into the driveway at Roman’s house. He hopped out first, his usual energetic self, followed by a woman she recognized but had never formally met. Jimmy’s wife, she assumed, was stunning, her dark hair framing her face perfectly as she moved with an easy confidence.

Jimmy noticed Azure first. He waved enthusiastically before leaning over to say something to his wife, who looked in Azure’s direction and smiled. 

“Aye, Azure!” Jimmy called out, his voice warm and friendly as always.

Azure froze, caught in his enthusiasm. She smiled politely and gave a small wave. “Hey, Jimmy.”

Without missing a beat, Jimmy nudged the woman, and the two of them started walking across the street toward her. “Thought we’d come say wassup before we head inside,” he flashed her a grin.

“Hey, I’m Naomi. We haven’t officially met, but I’ve seen you around.” Naomi smiled brightly, her energy as vibrant as her husband’s. Azure nodded, feeling a bit of the tension ease as she introduced herself. “Yeah, I’ve seen you, too. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Naomi’s eyes sparkled, and she gave a quick glance toward Roman’s house. “We’re getting ready for the cookout at Jey’s, and Jimmy mentioned you might be coming?”

Azure shifted her weight slightly, unsure how to respond. “Yeah...I was thinking about it.”

Jimmy chuckled, nudging Naomi with his elbow. “What’d I tell you? She’s still on the fence.”

Naomi swatted his arm, turning her attention back to Azure. “You should come. It’s gonna be fun—nothing too big or formal. And Jey always makes sure everyone feels welcome.”

Azure bit her lip, feeling a mix of nervousness and uncertainty. “I appreciate the invite. I guess I just feel... out of place since I don’t really know anyone yet.”

“You won’t be out of place at all.” Jimmy chimed in again, his tone playful but sincere. “We all family. Besides, if you ever need someone to talk to, you got us.”

Naomi seemed to sense her internal debate. “Hey, no pressure. If you decide to come, we’d be happy to see you. If not, there’s always the next one.”

Azure glanced down at the bag in her hands, weighing her options. She didn’t want to keep feeling like she was isolating herself, not after Jade had basically given her an entire pep talk over the phone.Yes, it was just a cookout, just an afternoon with her neighbors. But it was more than that. It was a choice, a small crack in the armor she’d built around herself, a chance to remember how to belong again. Finally, she took a breath and looked back up at Naomi and Jimmy. “You know what, I’ll come. I could use some fun.”

“Great!” Naomi’s face lit up. “You won’t regret it, I promise.”

“Yeah, we’ll have a good time,” Jimmy added with a wink. “Glad you’re coming.”

Azure felt a weight lift off her shoulders. It wasn’t much, but agreeing to the cookout felt like a step forward. “Thanks y’all, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Here, give me your number.” Naomi said, pulling out her phone. “That way, if you need anything or want to come over early, you can text me.”

Azure quickly rattled off her number, feeling more at ease while Naomi typed it in and smiled.

“Alright, we’ll let you get back to it,” Jimmy said, giving her a quick wave before heading back to Roman’s with Naomi.

“See you later!” Naomi called over her shoulder with a friendly smile.

Azure watched them go, feeling lighter as she stood by her car, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Roman stood in the doorway of Audrey’s room, watching her small figure nestled under the covers. The soft rise and fall of her breathing filled the quiet space. A faint smile tugged at his lips as he leaned against the doorframe, taking in the sight of his daughter. She always slept so peacefully, a contrast to the whirlwind of emotions and responsibilities that often swirled around them.

He took another sip of coffee from his mug, savoring the warmth. His mind drifted back to his conversation with Azure the night before. She’d been so open, talking about her day at work and how Seth had checked in on her. Her words replayed in his mind: “He pulled me into his office just to make sure I was adjusting okay.”

A familiar tension crept into his chest, his grip tightening around the mug. Rollins. Even just hearing his name brought up old resentments, ones he hadn’t realized were still buried so close to the surface. But this wasn’t Azure’s fault; she didn’t know the history, and she definitely didn’t need to bear the weight of it.

The sound of soft footsteps broke his thoughts, and Roman looked down just as Audrey appeared at the doorway, rubbing her eyes.

“Mornin’, angel,” he murmured, setting his mug down on the side table. He scooped her into his arms, her tiny body warm and heavy with sleep, her head nestled against his shoulder.

“Morning, daddy,” she mumbled, still half-asleep.

He ran a gentle hand over her back. “Did you sleep okay?”

She nodded, her cheek pressed against his shirt. “I dreamed about Uncle Jey’s dog. He was chasing Kitty around the house.” A little giggle escaped her, and the sound brought a lightness to his chest he didn’t realize he’d needed.

“Oh yeah?” Roman chuckled, hugging her tighter. “You think Kitty’s ready for the cookout today?”

Audrey perked up, her eyes brightening as she pulled back to look at him. “Are we going to Uncle Jey’s?”

“Mhm. Uncle Jim and Auntie Naomi are comin’ over soon to grab some stuff for the party. You’ll get to see everyone.”

Audrey wriggled out of his arms, a new energy lighting her face as she ran back into her room, ready to find the perfect outfit for the big day.

A smile still lingered on his lips as he made his way downstairs, only to hear a knock at the back door. He set down his coffee as Jimmy strolled in, his familiar grin lighting up the kitchen, Naomi right behind him.

“Morning big uce!” Jimmy called, already heading toward the fridge. 

“Morning, Roman,” Naomi added warmly, giving him a quick hug before playfully swatting Jimmy’s hand away from the orange juice.

Jimmy leaned on the island, his grin unfazed. “Thought we’d swing by early, help you grab the cooler and some extra chairs for later.”

Roman nodded toward the garage door. “Should have everything in there, but let me know if you need an extra set of hands.”

“I’ll handle it,” Jimmy said, sauntering toward the garage.

Naomi took a seat on one of the barstools, resting her elbows on the counter as she looked at him with a curious smile. “You ready for today?”

“After all this work I’ve been doin’, I definitely need a break.” he admitted, but his thoughts wandered back to Azure, and the tug of their conversation lingered in his chest.

Naomi’s eyes sparkled knowingly. “Oh, by the way, Azure’s coming to the cookout.”

Roman looked up, surprised. “She is?”

Naomi’s grin grew wider, clearly enjoying his reaction. “Yep. She was hesitant, but I convinced her. Got her number and everything.”

He exhaled, trying to act indifferent, but his gaze softened. He hadn’t meant to come across as distant last night; he was just... caught off guard. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable.

Naomi must’ve noticed his thoughtful silence because she placed a comforting hand on his arm. “Want me to help Audrey get ready?”

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Roman said, the slight edge in his voice fading away. “She’ll be excited to see you.”

As Naomi left, Jimmy returned with the cooler and a few chairs. He noticed Roman’s thoughtful expression and raised an eyebrow. “I was gone for two seconds, uce. What got you lookin’ like that?”

Roman shook his head. “Talked to Azure last night. She mentioned Seth.”

“Rollins?” Jimmy’s face shifted, his casual demeanor replaced with a more serious look.

“Yeah,” Roman murmured, the bitterness creeping back. “Can’t believe he’s still tryna charm his way around. She doesn’t know, though. She doesn’t know what went down with him… with the chief.”

Jimmy rubbed his chin, his gaze sharp. “You still holdin’ onto that?”

Roman didn’t answer immediately, instead staring at the floor. His muscles tightened with a memory he wished he could bury deeper. "It’s hard not to hold onto it," he said quietly. "You know what almost happened. That mess with the chief… my career was on the line. All because of him."

“Yeah, I remember.” Jimmy grimaced, the weight of the past hanging in the air. “But come on, that was years ago. You made it through. Hell, you got promoted after all that.”

“I know, but it wasn’t easy.”  Roman shook his head. “I had to work twice as hard to get back in their good graces. The way Rollins played it, he could’ve ruined me. I can’t  just forget that.”

Jimmy crossed his arms, leaning back against the counter. “Look, I get it. Seth fucked you over, no doubt. But that’s his problem now, uce. You moved on, and you been solid ever since. He don’t get to mess with your head every time his name comes up.”

Roman met his cousin’s gaze, his grip on the mug loosening. “It’s just… hearin’ her talk about him like that— like he’s some kind of good guy? I can’t stand it.

Jimmy grinned, a playful glint in his eyes. “You’re protective of her already, huh?”

“Not like that.” Roman’s voice was defensive, though he felt a flicker of something he couldn’t name. “She’s new. Tryna be neighborly, s’all.”

“Sure, uce.” Jimmy clapped a hand on his shoulder, bringing Roman back to the moment. “Just remember, today’s about family. Rollins can’t mess with that.”

A soft sigh fell from Roman’s lips, finally feeling a bit of the tension drain away. He nodded, letting Jimmy’s words settle over him.

As Jimmy took the cooler outside, Roman took a long breath, listening to the house come alive around him—the sound of Audrey’s voice drifting down the stairs, Naomi’s laughter mixing with it, and the faint hum of the van outside. Today was supposed to be about family, about finding peace in their little corner of the world.

But as the day unfolded, he couldn’t shake the feeling that seeing Azure again would bring more than he was prepared for.

The late afternoon sun bathed Jey’s backyard in a warm, golden light as the cookout got underway. Azure felt the humid warmth settle on her skin as the smoky, savory aroma of grilled ribs and burgers filled her senses. The laughter and familiar scent made the yard feel like a haven she hadn’t realized she needed. Picnic tables were scattered around, some with folding chairs and coolers brimming with drinks nearby. The end-of-summer air mixed with the distant sounds of football from the TV inside, made for the perfect backdrop to the Saturday afternoon. Kids ran across the grass, their voices blending into the hum of the adults chatting around them.

Azure arrived a little after two o'clock, gripping the strap of the small bag that hung over her shoulder. Her steps were careful as she approached the yard.  Her eyes scanned the familiar faces of Jimmy and Jey, who were already loud and welcoming, laughing as they teased each other near the grill. Watching Jimmy and Jey bicker lightheartedly made her smile, but a small pang of loneliness crept in, a reminder of the family gatherings she missed back home.

 Roman, she noticed, was there too. He leaned against the wooden fence a bit further back, but still near his cousins with a beer in his hand. As soon as Roman caught sight of her, he offered a small, friendly smile. It was a polite acknowledgment—nothing more, nothing less—but enough to make her stomach flip. She smiled back, feeling his eyes linger on her for a moment longer than needed, but he didn’t approach.  She quickly moved to Naomi, who was arranging plates and utensils on the table. 

“Hey, girl!” Naomi greeted her warmly, her bright smile infectious. “You made it! Jey was starting to think we’d have to send Jimmy over to drag you out the house.”

Azure laughed, feeling some of the tension melt away. “Ixnay the wellness check y’all, I‘m here in the flesh.”

“There you go!” Jey happily chimed in from the grill, flipping a row of burgers with exaggerated precision. “Stick around—it's gon’ be a great time.”

Jimmy sidled up beside the women, grinning ear to ear. “And don’t forget the game! It’s the best part of the cookout. You watch football?”

“Here he goes.” Naomi shook her head smiling while she finished setting up.

Azure smiled sheepishly. “I might be a little into it. I usually watch a lot of the games with my dad.”

“Aye, that's what we like to hear!” Jey exclaimed, transferring some of the food off of the grill and into an aluminum pan. “We take football very seriously ‘round here.”

Naomi rolled her eyes, though the fondness in her voice was undeniable. “That’s one way to put it. These two are like little kids whenever football's on.”

As they continued to talk, Azure felt a little more at ease. She enjoyed the lighthearted banter between the twins and Naomi, appreciating how they welcomed her. Naomi, especially, seemed attuned to Azure’s hesitance and kept things easygoing.

Roman, who had been watching them from a few feet away, finally stepped forward, offering a drink. “Hey, Azure,” he said quietly, though his voice carried easily over the noise. “Glad you could make it.”

Azure looked up, meeting his gaze. “I almost didn’t.” She admitted, accepting the drink with a gentle smile. “Y’know, your family is very persuasive. But this,” she gestured to the yard, “It’s nice.”

“They are.” He gave a firm nod in agreement, though his tone remained soft. “And I get that. Sometimes, meetings’ new people feels… complicated.” His words carried a weight she understood, a vulnerability that was subtle but genuine.

“Yeah,” Azure replied, pausing as she gathered her thoughts. “Especially when the past tends to follow you wherever you go.

Roman’s eyebrows rose just a bit. “Yeah, exactly.” There was a moment of silence between them, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Instead, it felt like an unspoken understanding, a quiet space where words weren’t needed.

“So, yesterday-”

“Man what kind of play was THAT?!” The sound of Jimmy shouting at the TV drifted over from the back door of the house, interrupting Roman.

 Azure chuckled nervously, nodding in the direction of the commotion.

“They weren’t playing when they said they took football pretty seriously, huh?”

Roman let out a small laugh, glancing toward the house. “Oh yeah, it’s basically a family requirement. You’re either all-in or on the sidelines, and there’s no in-between. But-” 

“I think I’m gonna head inside, the game sounds like it’s getting pretty good.” Azure gently tapped her fingers against the glass bottle of her beer, cutting Roman off.

“Right,” he replied, her heart racing slightly as she stepped away from him, grateful for the excuse to avoid the conversation. I’ll see you in there?” 

“Yeah, definitely,” Roman cleared his throat, watching her with an intensity that made her pulse quicken.

•────────────────•

Inside the house, the game was in full swing, and Azure eventually found herself in the living room, drawn to the TV. She smiled as she watched the players race down the field, her heart speeding up with the game’s intensity. 

A little girl soon wandered over to her, eyes wide with curiosity as she plopped down beside Azure on the couch. "Are you watching the game too?" The girl asked, her voice small but full of interest.

Azure looked up, recognizing her immediately. Roman’s daughter. "I sure am.” Azure grinned. “Do you like football?"

Audrey nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! Uncle Jimmy and Uncle Jey always watch. Daddy watches sometimes too."

She hadn’t even noticed the little girl mimicking her movements, sitting cross-legged on the couch and watching the game with the same focused expression. It was hard not to smile at the sight.

"I bet your uncles get really into it, huh? They’re over there shouting louder than the TV." Azure smiled, her eyes flicking towards the open back door where the twins were already deep in a loud debate over a recent play. 

Audrey giggled, her eyes lighting up. “They do! Uncle Jimmy says the refs are ‘blind as bats,’ but I don’t know what that means. And Uncle Jey is always yelling.” Azure laughed as Audrey went on about her time with her uncles, with a mix of childlike intensity and joy.

Azure noticed Roman from the corner of her eye, catching his gaze for a brief second before looking away. Her heart raced, the conversation from the previous evening still lingered between them, but the last thing she wanted to do was embarrass herself even more.

“Aye, uce! You just gonna stand there and look moody all afternoon, or you gonna go inside with everybody?” Jey yelled across the yard.

“See.” Audrey added, causing Azure to to suppress a laugh.

Roman chuckled, shaking his head as he made his way over to the group. As he settled onto the arm of the couch next to Audrey, he glanced at Azure, the playful spark in her eyes meeting his own. 

“Think you’re stealin’ our cheerleader here.”

Azure raised an eyebrow. “Maybe she just knows a good team when she sees one.” She glanced down at Audrey, who giggled and nodded in agreement.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Roman said with mock offense. “Guess I’m just the backup then?”

“Looks like it,” Azure shot back, a glimmer of humor in her eyes. She relaxed against the couch, her hands resting on her lap as she kept a slight distance.

“Careful, Roman. You might lose your spot for good if she keeps this up,” Jimmy teased, settling in his own seat as he glanced at the game on the TV.

“I don’t know, uce.” Roman rested his arm on the back of the couch. “I think I can handle the competition.”

•────────────────•

Throughout the afternoon, Azure caught him watching her more often than she expected. Their eyes would meet and there he’d be—his gaze lingering on her, studying her. It’s just curiosity. She told herself. Just the same polite interest people held when meeting someone new, yet there was an intensity to it she couldn’t ignore.

As the sun began to dip lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the yard, the cookout started to wind down, with people moving inside to clean up or grab their last plates of food. Azure decided to stay behind in the kitchen to help clean up some of the dishes. She saw Roman out in the yard, gathering up plates and empty cans, her eyes following him as he stepped through the sliding glass door and joined her at the counter. The sound of clinking dishes filled the silence between them for a few moments before Roman spoke.

"Thanks for helpin’ out," he said, his voice low but sincere.

 "No problem. It’s the least I could do." Azure looked up, setting a plate back down in the sink.

“You mentioned Seth Rollins yesterday," he started, his jaw tightening slightly at the name.

“I didn’t mean to bring up anything uncomfortable...”

“It’s fine,” Roman paused, drumming his fingertips on the marble counter before continuing. “Let’s just say we had some...disagreements in the past.”

Azure’s gaze softened as she watched him, noting the tension that crept into his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too much,” she said gently, sensing the weight behind his words.

“It’s not that,” He stared down at the plate in his hand, his voice measured. “I just don’t want you gettin’ blindsided by him if he decides to get involved in anything…beyond work.”

She furrowed her brows, curiosity blending with concern. “Involved how?”

Roman lowered his voice before leaning against the counter, facing her. “Seth’s got a habit of getting close to people, making them trust him, and then…things go south fast if he doesn’t get his way.” His gaze flickered to hers, a shadow passing through his eyes before he glanced down.

“Sounds…complicated,” Azure chose her words with caution. She could sense this was something he didn’t open up about easily.

He shrugged, though a glimpse of hurt still lingered in his eyes. “Just be careful. I’m pretty sure you can handle yourself, but he’s… persuasive. And I wouldn’t want you caught up in his web.”

She nodded slowly.

Their eyes met, and for a moment, the room felt smaller, the noise from outside fading into the background. Roman’s gaze softened as he looked at her, a hint of something unreadable in his expression. “Just… watch out for yourself, alright?”

Azure’s voice softened in response. “I will.”

The intensity in Roman’s his expression faded to something warmer. “I have to admit,” he said, crossing his arms casually, “I didn’t expect you to be such a football fan. You might even give Jimmy and Jey a run for their money.”

Azure laughed, a sound that seemed to light up her whole face. “I don’t know about that. Those two are intense,” she replied, glancing toward the yard where the twins were laughing loudly and nudging each other as they sat at one of the tables, sipping their beers. “I just grew up around it, so it sort of stuck.”

“Oh yeah?” Roman raised an eyebrow, looking intrigued. “Your family must be football people then?”

“That’s definitely an understatement,” Azure nodded. “Every Sunday was a huge thing growing up. My dad’s a big fan of it, and I’d just sit there with him, getting into the game and the whole atmosphere.” Her eyes softened a little, lost in thought. “I guess it just… reminds me of home.”

Roman watched her carefully, noting the brief flicker of nostalgia in her eyes. “Well, you came across the right people,” he said, gesturing to the yard. “Between the twins and Audrey, they’re all in serious need of someone who actually knows what’s happening on the field. I swear Audrey’s been pickin’ up their bad habits.”

Azure chuckled, shaking her head. “She’s already got a bit of Jey’s attitude in her cheer, I can tell.”

He glanced back at the living room where Audrey was napping. "So you’ve converted my little girl to your team, huh?" he teased, still leaning casually against the counter.

Azure raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. “I can’t help it if Audrey has good taste. Besides, she was all in after a few plays.”

“I noticed.”  A bit of pride evident in his smile. “But I can't help but feel a little jealous that you stole her away from me today."

Azure placed a hand on her chest, playfully taking offense. “I would never! Maybe you should join us and see what it’s like to be on the winning side for once.”

Roman raised his hands in defense, playing along. “Oh, it’s like that, huh? Careful, you might just end up recruitin’ me to your team.”

Azure’s smirk softened, her eyes holding his for a second longer than she’d intended. She liked this playful side of him, a glimpse into something that felt less guarded. “Not sure you’re up for the challenge,” she shot back.

Roman chuckled, his usually stoic demeanor breaking with the smallest of smiles. “Tell you what,” he said, reaching into his pocket for his phone, “maybe next game day, you can give me some pointers. Since you’re so sure I’d lose.”

Her eyes widened slightly, the offer surprising her. She paused, then nodded, taking her phone out too. “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said, her fingers hovering over her screen. “And if Audrey sticks to my team, you’ll know why.”

Handing his phone to her, Roman watched as she keyed in her number, a spark of warmth flickering between them. When she handed it back, he gave her a small nod, glancing down at the new contact saved on his screen. “Guess I’ll just have to work twice as hard to win her back,” he said, his voice low, but his smile hinted at a more personal admission.

 Azure gave him a playful side-eye, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

•────────────────•

Dear Brother I know I said I’d write to you sooner, but I keep finding it hard to put everything into words.  I feel a lot  worse than I let on, and it dredged up so much I’d been burying. I couldn’t take it anymore—the control, the way everything's been twisted to make me feel guilty. I thought putting distance would help clear my mind, but the past just won’t stay in the past. I hate feeling like this, and knowing that there’s nothing I can do to change it. Oh, and about that person I met a while back…it’s been…really good, actually. It’s comforting and freeing in ways I hadn’t imagined. And I didn’t realize how much I needed that until now. I think this might be something real, and that thought scares me but also excites me. You two would be the best of friends, I know it. I just wish you could be down here with me. I love you, always.

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | fifteen.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.6k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, surprise bday party for oc!!, but another day of seonghwa getting on yunho's [everyone's] nerves, yunho is fucking cute 😭 they are fucking cute ok!!, alcohol consumption/intoxication, kisses, making out, shower smut scene (not super descriptive), more angry protective yunho comes in the next update i promise!

"I'm so sorry, babe. I know it's your birthday, but I have to take care of this family thing really quickly." Chaery whines over the phone. "I'll be back before it hits midnight, and we can have our own little celebration, okay? Just me, you and the boys. Enjoy your day with Yunho for now, please." You sigh heavily, bummed that your bestfriend wouldn't be around until later.

"Okay."

"I'll be there, I promise."

"Okay, Chaery." You fiddle with the hem of Yunho's sheets.

"I love you! I have to go and take care of this so that I can come back sooner!"

"I love you, too." You respond, ending the call. You silently sit criss-crossed on Yunho's bed, staring at the phone now sitting below you. Yunho walks in just as he's hopped out the shower, immediately keeping you company while you sulk and pout to yourself.

"Why the long face, princess?"

"I'm just bummed I won't get to see my friends until right before midnight. I get that they have stuff to do but they've always celebrated my birthday with me." You sigh. "I dunno why this time had to be different. Soobin says he's stuck studying with his project group and Seungmin literally is nowhere to be found right now." Your bottom lip pokes out and Yunho thinks you are the cutest thing in the world. He wishes he could tell you, but he doesn't wanna slip up and ruin your surprise. So, he plays along, also poking his bottom lip out.

"I'm sorry, love." Yunho sits on the edge of the bed, hand coming to caress your chin. "I promise I'll make your birthday worthwhile. Okay? Then your friends will be home and I'll get you back as soon as possible." You continue to pout while you nod in agreement. "No more." Yunho chuckles, leaning forward to peck you on the lips. "Please trust me to make your birthday better."

"I do."

"Okay then no more of this." He taps on your bottom lip. "Now, can I ask you to please get dressed so I can take you to dinner?"

"Or.. we can stay here. I'm okay with staying in." You cup his cheeks and he shakes his head.

"As much as I love doing that with you—" He taps the tip of your nose. "No can do, baby. I have to take you to dinner cause we have other plans afterwards."

"What are these plans?"

"Mm, you can't do that." He stands and walks towards his closet. "You placed your trust in me, so don't go back on it now." You let out a playful sigh as you step down from his bed and go through your duffle bag. Because Yunho told you to keep it pretty casual, you slip into your denim mini skirt, a black baby tee, your baseball jacket and converse highs. Yunho spins you around and puckers his lips, playfully [but sweetly] complimenting you as he holds your hand and guides you to the car.

Yunho has a casual dinner planned at one of your favorite restaurants downtown, reserving a table in the beautiful patio underneath one of the outdoor heaters. You squeal when you're able to order your favorite savory crepe after craving it for some time, Yunho giggling at how excited you look when the food finally arrives. The both of you always have neverending conversations about life, school; amongst other topics you find interesting. Conversations are always so fun and lively with Yunho, and it's one of your favorite parts about him. He's comfortable enough to be his silly self, while playing along with your own humor and bad jokes— always making you feel like his one and only special girl.

When it's time for dessert, Yunho has the waitress bring over a slice of cheesecake with a single candle lit in the center— singing along with the staff as they sing happy birthday. He captures a few candid photos just as you're about to make a wish and blow your candle, full on heart eyes when he looks at you through his phone screen.

"Here." He shows you the photos. "The prettiest." You feel the heat rise to your cheeks. "Wonder if she has a boyfriend." He looks at the photo, making you laugh.

"Stop." You take some of your cheesecake and feed him some, feeling content and satisfied with dinner. "So, what's next?"

"Are you finished?" You nod. "Alright. Not telling you, though." He clears his throat before calling the waitress over for the check. "Have you heard from your roommates?" You check your phone as the receipt arrives, Yunho signing off on the bottom line.

"No." You sigh. "Ah well, I guess I'll hear from them when I hear from them, right?" He nods.

"You'll see them before it hits midnight, baby. They wouldn't miss it for a thing." You shrug.

"I know. I am having a good time with you, though."

"Good." He holds his hand out for you to take, leading you out of the restaurant patio and back to the car. Once situated in the passenger seat, Yunho leans over and sweetly asks for a kiss before he drives off. The kiss continues on though, and Yunho is forcing himself to break the kiss [before he takes you home and forgets the entire plan he worked so hard on]. "Mm, Y/N. Please." He slightly hisses, feeling his boxers become a bit tight around the area. "I have to take you to the next spot."

"Really?"

"Yes." He laughs and takes out a blindfold, causing you to raise a brow at the item in his hand.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"My pocket." He smirks. "You still trust me, right?"

"Mhm. I think?"

"Alright, gonna have to put this on you."

"Kinky." You tease as you fix your position and let Yunho properly fix the blindfold on you.

"Could show you kinky if you want." You snort when he sits back into the driver's seat. "Not too tight?"

"Nope." He begins to drive off to the next destination.

"Cool. Off we go then."

It's probably a good [but long behind the blindfold] 10 minutes before you feel Yunho entering a lot and parking the car. He tells you to stay put, helping you out from the passenger side before guiding you into a building.

It is loud, and it sounds familiar.

"Yunho, why are we at a bowling alley?"

"Because." He says, pausing in his steps before removing your blindfold. As soon as you regain your vision, you see all of your friends in front of you, including your mom, dad and sister. "Remember when you said you and your family love to bowl, but haven't in awhile?" 

"Surprise!" They all yell loudly, your family reaching you first for tight hugs and sweet greetings.

"Happy birthday!" Yeosang playfully ruffles your hair before pulling you into a hug.

"Are you serious?" You feel your bottom lip tremble as you begin to cry greeting the rest of your friends. "I thought you two had to take care of stuff. A-and you, you've been MIA all day?!" You cry at your roommates, making them laugh.

"I had to make it more believable than these two." Seungmin laughs.

"Babe, did you really think we'd stupidly miss your birthday?" Chaery holds you close.

"Yes." You pout.

"Yunho's been planning this for awhile, and we would never miss it for the world." She points at the balloons, cake and gifts. "You've got a keeper." She says with a big smile, rubbing your arm to stop you from crying. You continue to greet the rest of the group around, noticing a few other people from school also hanging out for your birthday festivities.

"Birthday shots?!" Yeonjun yells, ordering for a round of shots to be delivered to the lanes. Before everyone takes their shot, your dad makes a little speech for your birthday, thanking Yunho for bringing everyone together on your special day. Yunho stands behind you, allowing you to rest against him while he adds onto your dad's speech— thanking everyone for helping plan and coming along to celebrate.

"Happy birthday, baby." He whispers in your ear.

"Thank you." You look up at him and give him a peck on the lips.

"Happy birthday to our Y/N!" Hyunjin yells, giving everyone leverage to down the first shot of the night. Bowling begins shortly afterwards, with your family and friends sharing lanes to kick off some friendly competition. You continue to take a few more shots with friends in between bowling, conversing with everyone and having a good time with the people you love being under one roof. As you converse and happily yell around with your friends, your eyes land on Yunho across the room. He meets your gaze, his smile growing as he keeps his eyes on you mid-conversation with your mom and sister in between his turns.

And god, he just wants to kiss you, hold you, do everything in his power to show you just how much you mean to him. 

He loves you.

His laugh is what breaks the contact, your sister probably teasing him about your relationship or spitting random jokes about the two of you growing up. You giggle to yourself feeling the butterflies in your tummy, wondering how on earth you've gotten so lucky with him.

"I hope you've been having a good birthday so far." Chaery squeezes your arm and leans her head on your shoulder.

"I am." You laugh. "Well, I was kinda upset about you guys because I really believed we wouldn't be able to celebrate together."

"Never." Chaery giggles. "Come on, let's go order some more drinks."

"It's almost your turn!" Jongho yells. 

"Bowl for me!" Chaery responds as she drags you to the bar and food area. The two of you order some delicious, fruity cocktails, chatting away with the friendly bartender who sweetly puts the drinks on the house. At this point, you're feeling a good buzz, cheeks hot with the alcohol running through your veins. You and Chaery stick around for a bit with the bartender while tasting your drinks, Yunho eyeing the place to find any sign of you.

But, it's not you he sees first, no.

It's Park Seonghwa.

It's Seonghwa walking into the bowling alley with Mingi and San, and his smile instantly drops. Why the fuck was Seonghwa here, and why did it have to be on your birthday? It feels like trouble, but Yunho can't exactly say he's surprised though. Because of course Seonghwa would find out about this. Of course he'd invite himself to the bowling alley. Of course he'd try and make himself relevant on your birthday.

Dick.

Luckily though, just before Yunho can think of the worst, you finally come into his view and happily skip over with the drink in your hand. All the feelings instantly melt away, the smile returning to his face in an instant.

"Hi." You cutely smile at him.

"Hi." He responds, gently pinching your cheek. "What's that, birthday girl?"

"Taste it." You giggle. He takes a sip of your cocktail, nodding in approval.

"Dangerous."

"But fun, isn't it?" You laugh. "I think I have to pee, though." You start to chug the rest of your drink.

"Slow down, baby." He laughs. "Need me to bring you over there?"

"I can make it." You point at the board. "Can you bowl for me too if I don't make in time?"

"Can't promise it'll be a good one."

"You're good at everything, love." You smile before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "Be back!" You yell before rushing to the bathroom. The alley has started to fill up over time, a bunch of other groups and families gathering along the other lanes to play some fun, competitive games against each other. You power walk down towards the arcade end where the bathrooms are situated, brushing past a few people and dodging others as they hang around the walkways. When you finally approach the hallway, you feel someone grab at your wrist and gently tug you back— a frown immediately plastered on your face because not only do you really have to pee, but you find yourself facing Seonghwa.

"Hey. I've been trying to find you just to tell you happy birthday." Seonghwa smiles. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

"Thanks." You try to wiggle out of his grip, but he tightens it and gently tugs you back.

"Baby in too much of a hurry for me?"

"Seonghwa. Seriously?" You glare at him and he laughs. "I really need to go to the bathroom."

"Jeez. So uptight even on your birthday. Yunho's still gonna be in the same position as you left him."

"Great, that's all I want." You brush past him to finally get to the bathroom. "Excuse me." Seonghwa watches as you leave, a small sigh leaving his lips. He heard about the little party Yunho had prepared for you and decided it'd be a good time to stop by. He's not gonna lie, he doesn't care much for bowling as much as San and Mingi do, but he did want to see you and try to talk to you. One, to wish you happy birthday. Two, to see you. And three, to try and ask about the flowers he dropped off because he hasn't heard anything about them.

He was trying, and he was hoping you'd see that. Even though this was new territory for him, he wasn't gonna give up that easily. After all, you and him had more history than Yunho. And that keeps him going.

When Seonghwa turns to find his boys, he sees Mingi and San mingling with the group; even getting a random bowl in or two. Mingi's talking to Yunho and he can't help but roll his eyes; completely over Yunho's entire act.

"Oh, tell Y/N I said happy birthday then!" Mingi gives Yunho a dap as soon as Seonghwa makes his way over and squeezes his shoulder.

"Yeah, let her know for me too, will you? Wanted to give her a gift, but we didn't really have time to catch up since she was on her way to the bathroom." Seonghwa winks. "Know how much she loves the little things."

"Yeah, I'm good off of that." Yunho responds before sipping on his drink, Yeosang slowly coming to his side as Seonghwa chuckles at his answer.

"Come on dude, that's his girlfriend now." San mumbles next to him, making Seonghwa shake his head.

"Yeah, whatever." He clears his throat. "Anyway. Let's get the fuck outta here. Hella boring." Seonghwa turns on his heel and starts heading out of the alley, San clicking his teeth in slight frustration while Mingi obliviously waves to Yunho and bids his farewell.

"Tell her!" Mingi yells and Yunho gives him a nod of acknowledgement.

"He's joking, right?" Yeosang asks.

"Wish he was. Can't say I'm surprised, though."

"Don't let him get to you. He's just trying to get a reaction out of you."

"I know. But, I don't get why he won't just leave her alone? Why doesn't he get it?" Yeosang shakes his head.

"Dude has always gotten his way. He's not used to being left." Yunho lets out a small scoff before sitting, eyes scanning the area again until he can find you. He's not gonna lie, he's a little uneasy after that, and he wishes he could just have you here and shield you away from the rest of the world—

"I'm back." You announce, your sister handing you another shot to take before pushing you to bowl. Everything is ten times louder than it was before, and you're definitely still a bit drunk. "Yuyu!" You yell.

"Hey princess." Yunho looks up at you as you sit sideways on his lap, arm swung over his shoulder. "You okay, birthday girl?"

"Mhm. Better." He chuckles, his hand giving your thigh a squeeze. "How about you?" You tilt your head to the side and although Yunho is a little worked up from the encounter with Seonghwa, he can't help but melt in your presence. It's hard to stay mad at anything when you're around.

"I'm good as long as you are." You giggle. "Heard you ran—?" You lean forward, unable to hear him clearly through the music and people yelling.

"What?"

"Heard you ran into Seonghwa. What was that about?"

"Seonghwa being Seonghwa." He looks at you with his brows slightly furrowed, and you're unsure if he believes you or not. He does, it's really not that he doesn't. He just doesn't trust Seonghwa and he can't help it especially with the history you two have.

Even though you were his, a tiny part of him was still scared that you'd leave him for Seonghwa; especially with the way that he didn't seem to be giving up on you so easily.

Too bad Yunho wouldn't give up on you either. Ain't no way he'd let someone come for his woman.

He'll make sure that's clear.

"You sure that's all?" You pause and slightly hesitate before responding.

"Of course." You look at him and your heart sinks. Would you be creating unnecessary drama over something that you have no interest in anymore? Would it matter or change anything if you told him about those roses? "He just wished me happy birthday and I brushed past him."

"Hm." Is all he says before kissing you on the cheek. "Okay."

The rest of the night continues to be a party— you and your loved ones happily bowling, drinking and playing; going on for hours until people start to leave one by one. Your family gives you extra hugs and kisses, thanking Yunho for taking care of you and for getting everyone together for your birthday.

In the end, your roommates take the remainder of the cake home, while you, Yeosang and Yunho head back to their place for the night.

"Today was so fun!"

"Yeah?" Yunho laughs.

"So fun. I'm still kinda drunk."

"Kinda?" Yeosang laughs seeing you hang onto Yunho's arm, which turns into you hanging onto him like a koala.

"Kinda! I'm not that drunk. Just enough." You burp against Yunho's neck.

"Ou, nice. That was a good one." Yunho says, waddling up the steps and carefully guiding you up along with him. "Think you can beat that with another?"

"No. I'll probably throw up." 

"Don't want that, now do we?" He chuckles, giving you room to kick off your shoes in the apartment before heading to the room. 

"I wanna take a quick shower." You say as you grab some of Yunho's clothes and waddle to the bathroom.

"You should probably go in there." Yeosang gives Yunho's shoulder a squeeze. "I'll leave some medicine and water by your bed for her."

"Thanks." Yunho quickly snags his own pajamas before slipping into the bathroom to make sure you're okay. "You okay there, baby?" You've just stepped under the water when Yunho walks in, the outline of your body still clear through the shower doors.

"Mhm. Water feels nice." You let out a content sigh before dropping Yunho's body wash bottle.

"Hm." He hums. "Mind if I step in with you?"

"Nope." He sheds off his clothes and steps into the piping hot shower, eyes glossing over your body. 

"Can I help you with that?" Yunho asks, gently taking the loofa from your hands. You giggle as he starts with your back, turning you around once he's satisfied to cover your front. You kiss him in between, smiling against his lips before you take your turn to help get him washed up. His hands start to roam your body, gently squeezing at your sides when you continue to kiss him the way you do, love on him the way you do. 

Innocent kisses turn into heated makeout sessions with the water still pounding against your skin, to Yunho slowly and gently taking you against the cold wall; large hand propping up your leg as he shushes you against your lips, whispering praises in between little reminders of keeping it quiet. Eventually, the both of you reach your highs— the two of you caught in a  giggle fit afterwards knowing that you have to repeat the process and wash up all over again.

He wouldn't have it any other way though, and so wouldn't you. You feel like you're on cloud nine after today, heart filled with so much love especially because of Yunho.

Life is just so much sweeter with him in it, and you love him.

After the both of you wash off again, you step out of the shower and finish getting ready for bed. You thank Yeosang and bid him goodnight before stepping into the room and slipping under the covers.

"Did you have a good day today?" Yunho asks, close to a whisper.

"The best birthday I've had."

"Yeah?" He chuckles.

"Mhm." You caress his cheek and look him in the eyes. "Thank you, Yunho. For everything."

"Of course, baby." He kisses your forehead. "You deserve it all." He watches with a small smile on his face as you quickly fall asleep, hand gently rubbing your back. After today's festivities, Yunho should be sleeping. But tonight, it feels like a stretch when the thoughts at the back of his mind come to the forefront; a tiny sigh leaving his lips when he remembers the encounter with Seonghwa. He feels uneasy, kinda unsettled and annoyed. He remembers the small detail of hesitancy that pulled up on your expression. He's not sure why, and he's not trying to figure it out right now.

It's frustrating.

He doesn't want to assume you're hiding something from him, that something odd is going on, though his gut tells him otherwise.

And for once, he truly hopes it's wrong.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk @kunikku @idkwgoh @kyeos4ng @agust-d2 @araknoid @bintificreads @primoppang @betray-the-light @aurorasjoongie @wineyoungie @yunhotteokkk @yungigiggles @jaerisdiction @ignoretheskies @luminouskalopsia @naeviscall @vixensss @choisansplushie @arya9111 @my-lightspirit @dazednconfusion @astro-doll-the-star @faesmingi @idfkeddieishot @startinystay @emily505 @mgdixon @mcsalterego @cheynalexilaiho

[lilacxquartz]

CHASING HUMANITY • kenjaku × fem!reader

ao3 • masterlist • << previous chapter • next chapter >>

summary: kenjaku assigns you a new role for a case study, finding that it brings him conflicting feelings.

a/n: extra long chapter <3 no real warnings for this one, maybe sickness & suggestive content. i’m setting it up for a pretty messed up chapter for next time though.

Chapter 4. Cold Soba

In a way, this whole thing didn’t feel real.

What exactly were you really doing here?

And why were you having these thoughts now of all times?

Taking a deep breath, you attempted to steel yourself. No matter how you looked at it, it didn’t look good. You took a life this morning. Whether it was indirect or not, your actions led to the end of someone’s existence and for… what exactly?

What a joke. Suddenly, the air around you felt thicker, more thicker and barely breathable. You wanted to get out of the car sooner than later, lest you forget how to function. Just for a second, nothing more, the promise to stay put be damned.

You left the car anyway. You wouldn’t go far, at least. The gas station nearby where he was parked was sparsely manned with just a single employee. Their unrelenting gaze on you felt almost accusatory, but there was surely no way they knew, so it was all likely in your head… right? You were just browsing around, they were probably just making sure that you weren’t a thief. Fingers flicking through overpriced snacks and drinks alike in the aisles, quickly realising that the very prospect of food nauseated you.

In a strained tone, you asked the clerk if there was a bathroom on-site and he said there was one around the corner of the building, accessible from the outside. You tore forward in a flash, slamming the door and locking yourself in the tiny room yet somehow, it felt less suffocating than being in the car with him.

For a while you just stood there, your body reeling. Your eyes focused on the shoddy lock that barely kept the outside world away.

Soon enough, the wave of nausea passed through you again. Whether you wanted it, whatever little substance was in your stomach was coming back up and you couldn’t do a single thing about it.

Flipping the lid open, you dry heaved into the bowl.

Your mind continued to overwhelm itself with confusion.

Why did you act like that, back there?

You had never shown even a hint of potentially being violent, so why did you act like taking a life away like that was… nothing at all? Did living the way you did, so empty and numb and abused, really give you the right to apply that same level of depravity towards someone else just as undeserving?

Was it worth it? Your mind continued to challenge you, almost tauntingly. Was it? To attempt to impress someone who didn’t even see meaning behind your own life? Who nearly left you for dead?

You weren’t so sure why you were having these thoughts now but here you were, unable to escape them.

Leaving after washing up, you settled back into the passenger seat of the car, finding that Kenjaku was now wide awake, staring blankly at the steering wheel. He glanced you over without regarding you before pulling the car back onto the road.

Attempting to diffuse the tension, you tried to break the ice. “Thought I ran off?”

For a while, he didn’t reply as though seeing through you. Kenjaku recognised that look that you currently were, finding it almost nostalgic. After his first kill, his mind also spiralled in a similar fashion. It was a familiar feeling by now though and he had grown desensitised to the whole thing, prioritising his efforts into chasing the meaning behind humanity.

Still, it was a look he could never forget.

Meaning that you must have gotten him to an extent.

Maybe you were even trying to find your own meaning too, in the midst of this whole mess that you got yourself into.

“Not at all,” he finally said, “you’re not that stupid.”

The drive for the most part down the freeway was surprisingly quiet, the radio tuning into music on and off with static that buzzed when the connection faltered. You stared out of the window, seemingly dissociating through the ride. He didn’t mind. Eventually, he found himself tuning into the news, shuddering when he caught a mention of his calling card being found earlier than anticipated, with one suspected not yet found victim.

How quaint. Did the local authorities really think that you were the second victim? Almost. Luckily he got that itch scratched with the unfortunate tourist.

He supposed that it made sense that you were reported missing, though. He wondered if your cop boyfriend was the one to report it, or if someone else saw something they shouldn’t have. Maybe he was careless and you left behind something that indicated a struggle or maybe you simply had places to be during the early morning that seemed suspicious in the wake of a fresh murder. As long as they kept their efforts isolated to the vicinity of the town though, then neither of you needn’t worry, at least for a while.

Kenjaku flicked his gaze back at you, wondering why he was even giving you so much thought.

It didn’t matter to him whether you left the shithole he found you in or not, but by bringing you along, he invited an extra inconvenience in doing so. If you were to be a missing person, then he would likely have to disguise you a little now. Maybe shorter hair and a different colour. Red might be good. Maybe something you wouldn’t usually wear. Anything to distract the public from what you typically looked like.

The drive itself was long and tedious either way, but it did soon come to an end. Parking the car over a cheap inn-style hotel near a different town, not too far from the road, he figured that some real rest wouldn’t hurt at least for a couple of nights. If the efforts were focused elsewhere for now, then that’s all that mattered. He would get you a new phone, something simple, just to use as a burner. New clothes and some hair dye. To keep himself hidden, he would dress down for a while, refraining from the recognisable robes.

A shame. Those things were comfortable.

Leaving you behind to rest in the hotel room, he could only hope that you stayed put that time and weren’t roaming around the area causing more trouble than he could keep up with.

It would be a shame to get rid of you soon.

~~~

With everything back in tow, he found you resting on the still made hotel bed when he got back, indicating that you hadn’t moved a single inch since he had left you there. Good. You weren’t a hindrance, after all.

Leaving the goods there, he set out again, walking around this town in particular for a quick bite to eat and maybe, if luck had it in store for him, a brand new study.

It was a risk though, but he couldn’t help but be curious about places like these where life moved slowly and the residents seemed more often than not, to not quite be enjoying their lives in such areas.

A peculiar thought, perhaps. When he still worked in the city, the common narrative was to fantasise about owning property in the countryside, far away from any stress.

Maybe the lacking bustle just meant that now there was nothing left to blame, so that’s why people tended to lose themselves instead in places like these.

Kenjaku soon found himself walking into a noodle bar. It had barely caught his eye as the sheet metal sign that advertised it just over the entrance was long faded, but a blackboard outside seemed to hint at a lunch discount. Shrugging, he thought that it couldn’t be too bad. Food was food and he was hungry. so he could gamble a bite to eat.

His order was taken by a rather unkempt man which should have been his first warning about this place. Unclean fingernails and greasy hair that tied strands of hair together, oil stains that painted the man’s once white t-shirt. The udon he ordered seemed to be prepared by the same guy, who slid the bowl over the bar table.

Maybe he was going through something, which meant all the better for him. A vulnerable mind meant it was easier to break into.

Ignoring the hair he found in the broth, he reluctantly took it out and tried the dish. Not too bad, but he refrained from complaining. This strange man might just be the next case study.

“Haven’t seen you here before,” the man spoke as he threw a towel over his shoulder, planting his palms over the counter.

“Oh, I’m just passing by,” Kenjaku replied, feigning politeness. He was capable of doing so perfectly well, as long as he didn’t have to do it too often. He preferred stalking his prey however rather than mingling with it.

The man grimaced slightly at the strand of hair sitting on the napkin, but didn’t apologise for it. “So, where are you going?”

Kenjaku slurped on his noodles passively, replying between contained bites. “Probably Tokyo.”

“Probably?” the man laughed, trying to joke. “You don’t know where you’re going?”

“I’m just out on a day trip,” he replied, “the destination is a mystery, you know?”

The man quietened down after that, realising that he was talking a bit too much. It couldn’t be helped though—the place often did poorly—there were very few customers, let alone new faces that turned up each day.

Setting his chopsticks down, Kenjaku then looked around. The restaurant was small, but cosy at least. There was a distinctive humming sound coming from an old cooler that had maybe three total drinks inside. The fact that the man had very little to do, implied that the place wasn’t thriving. If he didn’t come back to work the next day, it would very likely not be immediately noticed.

“You run this place all by yourself?” Kenjaku asked, sifting through this wallet to pull out a few bills.

Taking the cash, the man shook his head. “Nah, my brother takes the evening shifts. We run it together. Used to be more popular, but there’s a population decline. More people keep leaving for the city.”

“I suppose there’s more work there,” Kenjaku speculated. For the sake of getting onto this guy’s good side to maintain the facade however, he chose to maintain his politeness while offering some sense of humour to further match the guy’s personality. “I’m still around for another day or two, make sure to stay in business.”

The guy laughed as he took back the bowl, his tone of voice sounding almost relieved, “I’ll try.”

Kenjaku pushed himself back from the stool and walked around the town to see if there would be anyone else more suitable of a candidate for the role, but it didn’t really seem to be the case. The residents in the town weren’t particularly special in any way with the occupants mostly being senior citizens and maybe a few younger people who had the misfortune of their family living here.

So perhaps the man who ran the failing noodle shop, who still found a reason to smile despite being clearly in shambles, was the next in line.

He did wonder to himself what exactly could possibly be the reason. The only hint that he had was that the guy liked to joke and shied away when there was no response. He probably had a corny reason to keep going, like seeing others smile.

Although, as he made his rounds back, he saw that the man remained unchanged from his work attire but was now standing at a bus stop. This town wasn’t too small, just empty, large enough to call for a bus route so he wondered where this man actually lived. It wasn’t too uncommon to reside in an elderly parent’s house, especially in places like these and since he worked with his sibling, he wagered it to be just that.

An amusing thought entered his mind however, as he saw him shy away from a woman waiting for the same bus. Not that she noticed it, her focus rightfully turned away from him, but he seemed to be shifting around nervously.

This gave Kenjaku a curious idea.

He was travelling with a woman, after all.

Returning back to the hotel, he noticed that you were only just now waking up. With an eye roll, he chucked the box of hair dye at you and crossed his arms, waiting for you to register what was evening happening.

“What’s this?” you asked, your voice strained with sleep.

“What does it look like?” he asked, his eyes narrowing at your silly question.

You held the box in front of you to inspect it in the dim light. It was still day, but the closed curtains made it difficult to see.

“Hair dye…?” you observed.

He smiled, finding your slow and tired mind to be entertaining. “Very good. Think you can do that now?”

“Right now?” you asked, yawning again. Your arms stretched so far that the box tumbled right out of your hand, watching as his eyes narrowed the longer he watched you.

With a firm and slow nod, he confirmed it to you, “Yes… and you’ll also change into the clothes I got you. You’re on the run, remember? You can’t look too much like yourself.”

Swinging your legs out of bed, you reached down to pick up the dye and walked over to the bathroom, pausing as he tugged on your hair to halt you in place.

“Also,” he added, “you’re getting a shorter cut. Don’t worry, I’ll entrust myself as your hairdresser, I’m sure it won’t look too bad.”

You warily laughed, trying to pry him off of your hair. You still felt off though, the very little sleep that you had doing little to soothe your still ongoing worries. “I’ll… trust you.”

Letting you go, he nodded again. As Kenjaku thought more and more about the plan, he couldn’t help but feel a bit odd about the whole thing without understanding why. It wasn’t jealousy, but something still stirred at the idea of you redirecting the ego feeding attention you were so happy to give him and putting it elsewhere.

He knew he was being irrational though; you didn’t even know about the plan just yet and he was already annoyed at you.

Shaking the thought away, Kenjaku focused more on discarding every single thing you had on your person and burning it off somewhere down the road or maybe chucking it into a dumpster somewhere once he got to the city.

As you soon emerged from the bathroom, your hair was still damp but you filled out the new clothes he got you pretty well. Something inconspicuous. Just a black long sleeve top and some jeans in a different cut from before. You still looked like yourself, but different which would hopefully be distracting enough to the untrained eye.

Slipping into his own bag, he pulled out some scissors and brought you forward, reeling you in as he tried to keep you secure. He patted his pocket for a hair tie, pulling your still wet strands back without warning.

“Hey, that hurts—“ you protested in complaint.

“Bear with it,” he tutted, rolling his eyes. You wouldn’t have been compliant either way and he didn’t want to sink too much time into doing it properly.

Cutting the ends off, he stared at the result. It was good enough, he supposed. Perhaps the colour was too eye catching, but at least people wouldn’t focus too much on the face. Given what you were wearing and how you looked when he first met you, he figured that your partner would be the type to describe you as shy and maybe even frumpy, so this sleeker appearance was doing more favours than not.

Your voice then brought him back down to earth. Surprise, surprise. More complaints. “Did you really have to take so much off?”

He glanced at the pile of hair on the floor, shrugging. “It’s easier to take care of now, be thankful.”

“Why aren’t you getting a haircut then?” you asked, attempting to sass him. He did have long hair, after all.

“Because,” he poked at your forehead yet again, enjoying messing with you, “I’m actually capable of taking care of myself.”

Besides, he wanted to continue to walk in Geto’s shoes for a while longer. It’s partially why he wanted to stop by Tokyo, loving the paradox of a cruel monk. There were some interesting prospects in the city and he wanted to secure some deals before moving further up north.

As you mourned your hair, Kenjaku took a step back, setting the scissors aside and leaned his back into the sofa. The news channels were talking all about the barbed wire shibari, his motives still speculated as unclear.

How funny.

If only they knew.

Arousal soon stirred in his trousers as more and more attention to his kill was addressed, a coiling feeling that made his cock feel hard. For a moment, he considered something darker, but he also sought your compliance for tomorrow (and for the foreseeable future) so he withheld. Excusing himself to the bathroom, he stepped into the shower and ran cold water as soon as he undressed. The running flow was loud, like crashing static and was enough to stifle away any grunts and gasps that escaped his frustrated lips.

Stepping out, he was still curious, but he had no intention of ruining the prospect of accomplishing a good study with sex that wasn’t mutual. It was surely annoying though, as the curiosity lingered. Whether or not he got to fuck or not, wasn’t an issue that he exactly cared about. Like with most of his life ideology, he preferred his actions to have meaning. Meaningless sex as a result was just what it was—boring, pointless even.

Maybe that was a him only issue to work on by himself, though. Kenjaku wondered if you would even like it or if you had been maybe put off of it thanks to whatever your boyfriend had you do with him.

Enough about that though.

He wouldn’t force your hand, it wasn’t that type of arrangement. There were more important matters to fixate on, his arousal finally melting away.

“You should sleep,” he said as he squeezed the last of the water out of his hair, throwing the towel over the sofa, “we’re getting up early tomorrow.”

“Are we leaving already?” you asked.

“Nah,” he shook his head, putting on a t-shirt, spreading himself out on the sofa, already concluding that he would sleep on it. He didn’t trust the bed in a place this run down anyway. If anyone was going to get bugs potentially crawling on them in their sleep, it wasn’t going to be him. “New case study in the works. You’re helping me.”

“Oh… okay,” you reluctantly settled into the idea, your mind still spinning from the last time you ‘helped’ him. “To study what they find meaning in, right?”

“Correct,” he replied.

“And what am I helping with?” you asked.

“You’ll be acquiring the trust of a guy I found in the town,” he yawned as he laid it out to you, “just be friendly with him, get his guard to go down—flirt if you have to.”

You frowned at the idea. “Why?”

Kenjaku shrugged. “The guy gets visibly nervous around women I’ve found. I feel like if he trusts you, then we could get him to open up more. You follow?”

You hummed, the idea of your actions leading to someone’s death still sounding foreign in concept. You weren’t terribly okay with it, despite thinking that it was all fine the last time. You already did it once, so in theory you could do so again, you just wondered when you would stop feeling so bad though.

Noticing your cold feet on the matter, Kenjaku raised an eyebrow, sitting up to study your reaction further. Initially, he wasn’t going to pry, but he couldn’t help but feel nosy, “You’re not having second thoughts… are you?”

“I-I don’t know,” you replied, your voice tinged with uncertainty. “It’s just too soon—“

“—oh, but you said you could keep up, no?” Kenjaku interjected, feeling amused by your sudden turnaround. “Are you really saying that your use for me has already run out?”

“No…” you denied, shaking your head, “that’s not what I’m saying, I…”

He tutted, unable to give into messing with you. Still so malleable, you just needed a little push into doing his dirty bidding. “I put a lot on the line for you, you know,” he leaned back, his head rolling over the pillow. “I was perfectly content with burying you, but your whining sold me.”

You took a deep breath, trying to shake off his teasing. “Do I have to kill him with my own hands?”

He smiled. So that’s what this was all about.

“You don’t have to lift a single finger,” he assured you. “Just talk with the guy. It’s not like I’m asking you to have sex with him.”

“Okay… I’ll try,” you replied, unable to not cringe at his crudeness.

Something about you surely did feel colder to him, though. You felt more distant, but he didn’t understand it completely. To him, people were relatively simple—at least usually. You seemed to be mad at yourself for something that you didn’t have to cause, was that it? Nobody forced you to give the tourist the jar full of acid nor to suggest such a method to begin with. You spoke to him with such a tone that implied that you were upset at him for something that he truthfully did very little to influence.

You were blaming him just because he was there. In the last day that he spent with you. he hadn’t done anything to you to make you feel unsafe other than retaining the general aura of unease that he passively carried.

His promise remained true: he wouldn’t kill you so long as you helped him.

And yet you were falling behind.

Kenjaku found himself disliking this sort of thought exercise, realising that you were forcing him to practise empathy. If he had to try and consider it, maybe it was just the side effect of you being both younger and naïve as a result. You seemed sheltered due to the lifestyle you had to endure before, that much wasn’t your fault. That wasn’t on you, he supposed. Jumping from an abusive domestic partner and to the side of someone like him couldn’t have been easy for anyone.

But at the core of it, whatever it was that was going on in that head of yours, wasn’t something that he should care about.

So if you were to keep winding him up with your own personal hindrances, then your usefulness was limited to him.

Once again, he asked you, “Will you keep up?”

Kenjaku stared at you, his gaze unwavering, cold and unrelenting. You were either going to keep up with him or he was going to dispose of you. It was that simple. In his carefully crafted lifestyle that he spent years cultivating where people were nothing beyond the studies they served as, there was no room for failure.

If you failed to comply, then you were defying the very cause that he sought to find answers within.

However, you then replied with a promised confirmation, “Yes. Sorry. I will.”

He watched from the sofa as you laid down to rest, still seeming exhausted, once again disregarding the concept that he could very take you out at any second, freeing you from your sorry existence if he had half a mind to do so.

Perhaps it was that jaded look you had though that stopped him.

The lack of fear missing from your face.

It was a look that he recognised quite well.

Maybe you didn’t care what he actually ended up doing, even if it did end with your body six feet under or burnt down into ashes, scattered into the back of a dumpster. Maybe you wouldn’t even care about torture inflicted on your body. Something told him deep down that such a thing was the case of you.

And that very little notion bothered him more than he cared to admit, because suddenly, he found himself being able to relate to you.

If there was no meaning to your life, then you were in the exact same boat as he was and perhaps this was something he was missing all along.

Maybe you’d both just cause each other to sink faster, but maybe—just maybe—one of you could find the lifeline instead.

But would you hold on?

…Would he?

~~~

The alarm sounded rather loudly in the morning at around eight o’clock. Given the season, it was still quite dark as well, but that was largely due to the cloudy skies. Kenjaku was able to both wake up and get up with ease, but it seemed to be a completely different story for you.

He narrowed his eyes as he turned the corner, seeing you perfectly passed out and not too different from a corpse. For a moment, he considered that you could actually be dead, but then he saw you turn onto your side.

“Up,” he firmly said, nudging at your tucked in shoulder.

You however did not immediately get up.

Kenjaku simply just sighed and stared at you with a resigned expression, tutting at the slight predicament he found himself in with you. Maybe he was just getting too old for this. How much sleep could you possibly need anyway? You were relaxing for most of the day yesterday as well.

Finally, you mumbled something in your sleep but it was far from coherent. He repeated his command a bit louder that time, finding that it only seemed to make you fall deeper asleep as your body sank even further into the mattress.

“Really?” he muttered.

He was about to tear off the covers in slight annoyance but then you finally stretched awake, yawning and still clothed. The bedding absorbed some of the dye. More to throw and burn away, he thought, but maybe after the upcoming case study, if it all goes according to plan.

“Finally,” he mumbled, watching you rise from your wake. The more he stared at you, the more irritated he got from the plan he had in mind for you, not quite understanding his own agitation.

It was as though he was pissed off at you for doing something before you even knew what you were getting yourself into.

Rationally, he knew that the blame was unjustified.

Finally out of bed, you adjusted your clothes and brushed out your hair. You still looked half asleep and in the process of waking up, but you were up and ready.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he walked you out of the hotel room and flipped the door sign to not be disturbed before directing you into the car.

“We’ll have to find you someone who can resemble your face card,” he said, buckling himself in. “We’ll be stopping by Tokyo, so we can find some nobody for you to become. A new name can open up more opportunities, especially since you look a bit different now.”

You simply nodded, throwing him off a little bit. Maybe you were just tired, he speculated, but the way you were acting hinted at something deeper, something cryptic that you were purposefully withholding from him. While he didn’t expect you to get chummy with him, it was a little odd that your personality was as erratic as it was.

He didn’t like it.

Being forced to care, that was.

For now he ignored that side of you, continuing to feed you information about the plan at hand and unloading as much information as possible with the hope that you could retain at least some of it.

“I’ve already been there once before,” he continued to say, “the place is usually empty from what it looks like.”

You blankly nodded once again.

“You’re keeping up with me here, right?” he asked.

You casted him a blank stare before stretching your arms out in the car, as if still exhausted. “Yeah. I’ll get the guy’s number and invite him over.”

“If you’re lucky,” he reminded you, “it might not work, but you’re likely capable of that much, aren’t you?”

“You’re putting too much faith in me,” you warned in a soft tone. You were still unsure about your indirect involvement with taking away a life despite knowing fully well what you were getting into the second you asked him to let you tag along.

Besides, if this guy was as insecure as Kenjaku made him out to be, then it had a chance to fail. As a former shy kid, you knew a little too well how it was to have low self esteem and if the man wasn’t too successful with women, then your attempt might seem mocking to him. Even cruel. He would likely be suspicious about your intentions right away.

You knew that you would be if you were in his shoes, anyway.

“Are you saying that I shouldn’t trust you with the plan?” he asked, trying to read you.

You however shook your head, shrugging your shoulders as you did so. Your answer wasn’t really all that clear. “I’m saying to keep your expectations realistic.”

He nodded too, feeling annoyed with your vagueness.

So cryptic, so cold.

So distant, almost.

Kenjaku didn’t like it anymore; he wanted that bantering, rebellious woman he met just days ago who wanted to defy all order while seeking out chaos, because that’s what drew him to you to begin with. This whole display however just felt… boring, for a lack of better words.

Just like the rest of them.

What happened to the version of you that poked fun at him or even jokingly defied him? What happened to the strange person who would feed his ego and flatter him?

Why were you… so confusing?

Was it because you were still hung up over what happened with the tourist? What was his name—Seb? Sean? …Seth? He didn’t really care to remember his name, seeing him as just another statistic in his journal of reports. Still, you shouldn’t be so upset, he thought, he was the one who endured the ugly parts after all, he was the one who studied those people, not you.

And if it was violence that you were so afraid of, then he would happily take on the responsibility of taking on the burden of dirty work forever, leaving you to play the part of someone trustworthy.

What he truly wanted from you was just someone who got it above all, someone that he could joke with and catch sass from.

(Was he lonely? Really? Him?)

How frustrating.

Try as he might, however, he could not read minds all the same. So whatever it was that was going on in that pretty head of yours was not something he knew anything about. What did you really want? And why were you being so elusive, so unclear?

Kenjaku could only sigh as he pulled into the on-street parking.

This was why he worked alone.

No mess, no overthinking the little things.

“You’ll do as you’re told,” he could only say, deciding to match you on the coldness you were giving him. You were being unfair when he was being surprisingly neutral. Ungrateful is what you were; quite literally biting the hand that kept you fed and concealed away from the chasing force that willed you back into a loveless home. Stupid girl. You didn’t understand.

“Okay,” you flatly responded.

There you went again with that bland tone, like a record playing a dull melody. Lifeless and uncaring.

Did you even want to be here?

…Did you even want to be alive?

Maybe you didn’t deserve to find meaning in your own life, after all.

Getting out of the car, he slammed the door shut and locked it as soon as you were out too, gesturing for you to follow him. The red hair looked good in the sunlight, he thought. A good decision on his part. Maybe you should be wearing glasses too to further conceal your features? On the other hand, maybe not. You were fine with how you were. They were searching for a corpse back in dirt hole you crawled out from, not a live crimson haired woman hours away from the area.

You’d be fine.

“One bowl of cold soba,” Kenjaku ordered as soon as he walked in. Despite the season, he could always go for something refreshing. He almost prayed to himself for the man to get it right and for no hair of mysterious origins to make it into the broth.

He glanced at you, waiting for you to order. It would be on the house for you, so you’d better be thankful.

“Beef udon, please,” you quietly asked a moment after reading the menu.

So quiet. So annoying. Why weren’t you being more assertive? Confident? He hated witnessing whatever it was that was going on, feeling more and more agitated the longer that he was forced to watch. Had something happened even just last night? You went to sleep after being off all day and then it somehow got worse.

Even just being in the same room as you bothered him. You sat alone at the bar stool while he sat further into the restaurant, scrolling mindlessly away on his burner phone, elusively checking on a possible son of his’ social media, his eyes narrowing as he failed to keep up with the ‘pranks’ the boy kept posting about.

Kenjaku sighed as he looked at you, after pocketing his phone as the meal was served to his table.

Tokyo could be good for a lot of reasons, he thought. It wasn’t too far away, but the current prediction seemed to be that he would stay in the south, from what he managed to get tipped off on from his moles back in the city. Besides, the city could give him more room to hide in even if he still continued to ‘study’ people, just as long as he played it carefully.

Especially since the goal was to otherwise find someone whose life you could assimilate into; maybe they wouldn’t have much going on or no immediate next of kin, which would make their search all the more delayed. Identity theft on its own was otherwise an easily enough accomplished task through paid forgery, he supposed, but there was something extra special about living on in the lives he had erased from existence.

It was like a sentimental legacy.

This would be a driving point that he would attempt to get you to understand too, like a mental initiation. The importance of both sacrifice and dedication.

It was almost symbolic, he thought.

Quickly torn away from his internal monologue, his focus was brought back to you when he heard laughter from the counter. He narrowed his sights as he leaned in and slurped on his noodles, listening in on what sounded like a genuine laugh that escaped your lips.

How odd.

Your lips were tightly curled and dimples poked at your cheeks. Your eyes squeezed into crescents—all at something the man was telling you, a smile just as bright on his face too.

Was this all an act?

No, that was an involuntary giggle; you even snorted. Something that the oaf had managed to utter left you feeling genuinely entertained.

Kenjaku then heard more.

You even called the man funny.

A compliment? Technically, he did encourage flirting, so he couldn’t be too annoyed at the delivery. That’s what your assigned role for today was. You had to get the guy to trust you so that you could lure him back into the hotel, it was that simple and yet, all it did was leave behind a strangely complicated feeling that stirred within him.

It wasn’t jealousy, he had been over this with himself already.

So what did that leave?

Whatever. It wasn’t important for now. If you were capable of completing the job successfully just as he had asked you to do, then that’s what he should be focusing on.

He wondered more about the man, he didn’t care to learn about his name, just like the others. This was subject number 15 or the restaurant worker, at best. Ordinary subjects didn’t deserve to honoured, not when their calling cards would make them so much more memorable instead.

Kenjaku tilted his head to the side, watching the interaction. He speculated that this man could technically find the reason for going in with others, perhaps. He seemed quite dim before making you laugh, after all, and now his expression was completely lit up.

An interesting specimen, indeed.

He finished up on the dish, focusing on you and ignoring him. This wasn’t envy, he thought to remind himself, as if trying to convince himself, even. Maybe it was something closer to entitlement. Whatever it was, he didn’t like that after doing everything otherwise correct at your side, that you were giving the warmth you otherwise kept locked away to a total stranger instead.

Entitlement indeed, he was a stranger to you too.

But it felt different somehow.

You then seemed to be exchanging phone numbers with the guy as he tapped the digits into your own burner phone.

Mission accomplished, he supposed.

That meant that it was a good time for him to leave then, throwing some bills at the counter as he motioned for you to follow suit. He wondered what type of relationship the guy thought you and he both had, clearly something unimportant if he thought that he was actually getting somewhere with you.

That was almost hilarious.

The drive back was in complete silence though, just like before. You were cold again.

With a weary sigh, he tried not to pay it any mind. “Text him all day if you’re able to, then invite him over for tomorrow evening.”

You nodded idly at his request with a blank look on your face.

It was then that he finally got it.

It hit him, just like that, like a sharp slap to the face.

He had seen that look after all, he even acknowledged it all the way back in the gas station.

You were simply being cold because you didn’t understand.

It was very likely a learned response from your relationship, if he had to guess. You probably just learned to bottle up your feelings and then never opened up the lid, because why would you?

Albeit reluctantly, he finally gambled a portion of his still latching shred of humanity that he had left. In a way, this was a lesson to him all the same, even if it didn’t have to resort to something violent.

While empathy was a foreign concept to him, he didn’t want to be ignored by someone that he finally found that he doesn’t mind keeping around for the long term. Being ignored hurts no matter how tough you are, he supposed and besides, it wasn’t good for his arrogance.

So for you, he would make do.

Settling in right beside you, he finally closed the gap not saying a single word and to his surprise, the tension you held onto finally seemed to sag. The stress finally seemed to melt away.

It wasn’t quite something he expected to endure, but he tolerated the sensation of you sobbing into his shoulder, trying to stifle it all at the same time.

Maybe if somebody did this for him after his first kill, he wouldn’t have become so far gone either.

So maybe you weren’t a pesky brat, nor vile, nor dumb or lacking. Just misguided, forced to endure what you shouldn’t have.

Maybe you did truly get it, after all.

What a strange sort of accomplishment he felt.

For today, he felt that he had truly learned.

If not about you, then humanity? And if not humanity, then about you?

(…About both?)

[victoriandrama]

Chapter 9 - Dreaming of You 🍁

ITS FINALLY UP.

Oh my it took me forever to write this but the next update will come sooner I promise

Anyway - there’s a lot of newtmas

Does anyone feel that there's too much fluff?