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xofanfics · 4 years ago

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Swipe Right - Part 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Pairing: Hansol x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: You’re bored, swiping on Tinder and you happen to find one of your classmates on the app.

You hadn’t heard from Hansol since that day. You didn’t expect to and you should’ve been able to move on since he’d fucked you over, but you found yourself thinking of him more often than you should. Why were you still thinking about him when two weeks had passed already? You were sure that you were the last person on his mind. He was probably seeing other people in the meantime, since things didn’t work out with you. You were sure he had a few girls on the back burner, to bring out when it was convenient for him, to bring out to play a game that only he could prevail as a winner.

But Hansol was a thing of the past. He texted you once and you left him on read. Since then, he didn’t text you and you didn’t text him. You deserved better than to be chasing after some entitled man who clearly wanted to have a roster of women to pick and choose from when he felt like it. He was no different from any of the other guys out there, which sucked because you thought you clicked. You thought things would go somewhere, that you could at least be friends. But even that was out of the question.

Things with Alex were going okay. And you went on that date he planned. He picked you up, a single rose in his hand, before whisking you off to a dessert bar. The two of you split a cake sampler platter and had some spiked cider. You talked about any and everything. You enjoyed his company but you still felt like there was something missing that you couldn’t put your finger on. Alex was a good looking guy and he was nice to you, not to mention the fact that he was so thoughtful to plan such a cute dessert date.

Your friends were happy for you, happy that you met someone like Alex, happy that you didn’t try to get back with Hansol. As a friend, you understood. The last thing you wanted, as a friend, was for any of your friends to end up with a guy that treated them like shit. The last thing you wanted was for any of the girls you cared about to be led on and played around with by a man who had unclear intentions. It wasn’t fair.

“Y/N, isn’t that event soon?” called Cam from the kitchen. A moment later, she appeared in your doorway.

“Yeah,” you said, “I was just deciding which shirt to wear.” You pointed to the shirts on the bed, one dark red and the other navy.

“Go with red,” she said, winking. “You look cute in red.”

As you approached your senior year, you couldn’t help but feel behind. Everyone had jobs, internships, and just seemed to have their shit together overall. You decided that you wanted to get an internship over the summer. And a couple industry leaders from well known companies were coming to speak at an event at your school. If there was any advice they could give, you’d take it. You figured that you could use as much help as you could get at this point.

You expected the event to be pretty small, since most people didn’t seem to care about campus events. But, as you got inside the hall, you realized that today that that was totally not the case. The space was starting to get a bit crowded. Luckily, you grabbed a seat in the middle row.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket.

Alex [1:51PM] : What time is the event over? Are you busy later?

Y/N [1:51PM] : It’ll be over at 3. I’m going to dinner with my friends later.

Alex [1:56PM] : When are you going to let me make you dinner?

You smiled at the message. It was nice to be courted like this. And for once, a man told you what his intention was from the beginning. It was comforting. You weren’t sure if you and Alex would date for real but at least knowing his intentions with you was good enough for you. You were excited by the idea of having a man like Alex as your boyfriend.

You felt like you were being watched. Someone’s eyes were on you. You looked over your left shoulder to look behind you. In that short span of time the room was filled, people standing in the back of the room as all the seats were taken. And when you looked to your right, your eyes met with the very man you’d been trying your hardest to avoid.

You let out a sigh. “Why here, Hansol?”

He cleared his throat, nervous. “There’s nowhere else to sit.”

He hadn’t planned to see you here, to be honest. He hadn’t assumed that the two of you would ever be in the same room, breathing the same air, again. He knew that after that last conversation he had with you, that his chances of reconciling with you were very low. And when he saw you sitting here, he couldn’t help himself. He made an impulsive decision to sit next to you, unsure of how it would all turn out. Like last time, it could go left or it could go right. He doubted he could make things worse than they already were so he figured, “Why not?”

You rolled your eyes and didn’t say anything else. You weren’t going to let him ruin the event for you before it started, so you didn’t entertain him with another reply. You let the event roll out, taking notes where you could. From your peripheral vision, you saw Hansol typing too. But to your dismay, your phone vibrated with a text from him; you hadn’t blocked him and now you were wondering if maybe you should’ve.

Hansol [4:36PM] : Can we talk?

Y/N [4:36PM] : We have nothing to talk about, Hansol.

Hansol [4:36PM] : I just need two minutes, Y/N

Hansol [4:37PM] : Please

Hansol [4:37PM] : I know I don’t always say or do the right things but I really want to talk to you properly, if you’ll let me

“Fine. We can talk by the garden out back.”

Hansol’s heart skipped a beat. He assumed you’d say no and that you wouldn’t want to talk to him but, with this interaction, there seemed to be a small sliver of hope left for him. You got up, passing in front of him. And he followed behind you, past the people standing and out of the door. Hansol walked behind you in silence and you didn’t open your mouth to say anything to him either. He didn’t blame you. After all, he was the one that wanted to talk to you.

You sat down at an empty table in the garden. It was quiet here. This was one of the most peaceful places to hang out on campus. You liked to come here on sunny days. Today was sunny despite the cool fall air blowing through campus. The table was covered in fall leaves, shades of orange, red and brown. Hansol brushed the leaves off of the chairs so that you could sit.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, sitting down across from him. A few seconds past, as Hansol tried to figure out where he should even begin. “So...what is it that you wanted to say?”

He said, “I’m selfish. Everything that’s happened between us is because I was selfish. I know—”

“You’re pissed because I’m seeing Alex, right?” You let out a laugh, leaning back in the chair and crossing your arms over your chest. “You men are so ridiculous, you know that? It’s like you can do whatever you want with little to no consequences. But the second a woman does what she wants, it’s suddenly unfair. You know, it’s fucking nice to have someone who’s interested in me for more than just sex...”

“Y/N…that’s not all I want from you. Believe me, it’s not. It never was. I know that might be a little hard to believe since things started out with us hooking up...but I felt a connection with you right away and I still do. I know we never talked about where we stand or what we’re even doing and I know I don’t have the right to even feel the way I do. I saw you with Alex and, at the time, I was jealous. I just knew that I didn’t want you to be with him and I guess I got a little carried away.”

You felt so frustrated. You didn’t know if you could believe his words. Things just didn’t make any sense anymore. Things were just so complicated. Feelings were just so...complicated. You were so frustrated that you didn’t even realize you were tearing up. Upon seeing the tears building up in your eyes, Hansol reached across the table to take your hand in his. To his surprise, you didn’t snatch your hand away from him. To his surprise, you actually let him hold your hand. His hand felt warm--no, perfect–on top of yours. He couldn’t stand to be the reason you were crying. “Don’t cry, Y/N. Please don’t cry…”

Even though you refused to look at him, he decided that now seemed like a good time to confess. Plus, if he didn’t do it now he wasn’t sure if he could get the words out later on. “I know I’m an idiot and I hurt you and I suck at communication…” You nodded. “I like you, Y/N...and I was too stupid to realize it sooner.”

At that moment, you looked up at him. You were completely confused and you didn’t know if you could trust his words right now. You were vulnerable and tearing up outside of the campus center. A few people had walked by as you and Hansol spoke and you were sure some of them might’ve noticed your swollen eyes.

How could you believe him right now, after everything?

“Liar,” you said, wiping your tears. You said this with no emotion on your face. Hansol couldn’t read you. He didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect from you but it wasn’t this. He was prepared for all sorts of reactions but what he didn’t expect is for you to call him a liar.

Hansol blinked. “I’m not lying to you. I do like you.”

“If you like me, why would you ignore me for days?”

He sighed. Maybe it was time for him to be vulnerable. Maybe it was time for him to be honest, not only to you but to himself as well. Maybe it was time to say all the things he could never bring himself to say out loud before. Being genuine was more important than his ego, he decided. He needed to tell you. If he didn’t tell you everything, he might lose you for good.

His breathing became unsteady. If he was standing, he felt like he’d collapse. And soon enough, he blinked away tears of his own “I’m scared, Y/N. Maybe it’s stupid but I’m scared. Liking someone opens the door for heartbreak. My ex hurt me in the worst way possible and I know you’re not her but I’m scared, Y/N. I’m scared that you don’t like me back. I’m scared that I’ll have to watch you date someone else. I’m scared that in a couple weeks, we’ll be like strangers...” He continued. “I want to take you out to a nice restaurant to get Italian food because you said it’s your favorite. I want to pick you up from class with a single rose because you said you’d rather have one instead of a bunch. I want you to sleep over at my place and try to make you breakfast in bed even though I’m not good at cooking. I want so much more than just sex from you.”

You blinked away another tear. Hearing this made your heart ache for him. But, for some reason, you still couldn’t find words. Wasn’t this what you wanted to hear? Wasn’t this what you’d been hoping for for the past two weeks?

Hansol felt rejected as you pulled away from him, taking a deep breath. “I know it’s over but I thought that I could at least tell you that…'' He stood up from his chair. It was over. He failed, again. “Thank you for letting me talk...and, um, take care.”

As he turned his back to you, prepared to never see you again, you reached across the table to grab his hand, “Wait.” You stood up, never letting his hand go. “Don’t go…”

Hansol turned around, a bit confused at you rejecting him and then suddenly embracing him again.

You blinked away another tear, your heart aching for him. “I like you, too…”

Hansol’s lips parted. These were the words he wanted to hear but didn’t expect. On his walk over, he thought of all the bad things that could come from this conversation. He expected you to reject him, to send him away with a scowl. But things took a turn for the better, he could see. All he needed to do was allow himself to be vulnerable and to open up, letting you read him like a book, letting you turn the pages and deciding what to do with the information you found.

He leaned in to kiss you and you let him. You kissed him back because your heart was pounding so hard in your chest and might’ve burst if you didn’t. You kissed him back because you’d nearly forgotten what his lips felt like, what his mouth tasted like, and how it just seemed so perfect. He pulled away and held your face in his hands.

“I like you,” he said, looking into your eyes. “Please believe it…”

You nodded, your eyes still a little red and swollen from crying. You did believe it. You knew in your heart that he wasn’t lying to you. You could feel it.

He pulled you into him and wrapped his arms around you. “I’ll give you time if you need it but I just wanted to be honest with you. I don’t know if I’m too late or what but I want to start over. Not as friends with benefits. I want to at least start over and be friends.”

In the midst of these emotions, you remembered Alex and the fact that you had planned on seeing him later. He was a nice guy but you didn’t feel as strongly about him as you did about Hansol. You’d choose Hansol over Alex in a heartbeat and you knew that you needed to let Alex know that you just wanted to be friends. If you were going to start over with Hansol, that meant that you both would have to establish some boundaries.

You shook your head. “I don’t want to be your friend, Hansol...”

Hansol smiled, the widest you’d ever seen. “I don’t want to be your friend either. I want you to be my girlfriend and I want to take you on a real date. Are you busy on Friday?”

You returned his smile. “Yes. I’m going out with you.”

He laughed and put his arms around you, holding you close. He held you tightly, as if you’d disappear if he let go. But this time, he’d be damned if he let you slip through his fingers. Not again.

Tag List: @happiestgirlontheeastcoast @gyulx1 @starsfly01091711

FIN.

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xofanfics · 4 years ago

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Swipe Right - Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Pairing: Hansol x Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: You’re bored, swiping on Tinder and you happen to find one of your classmates on the app.

The more Hansol thought about it, the more he hated the idea of you being with Alex. The very thought disgusted him and he found himself thinking of you often. You crossed his mind throughout the day—so much that he found it difficult to concentrate on other things. As he opened his laptop in class, he thought about you and the way you held your pen. As he went to the cafeteria, he thought about you and hoped that he’d run into you there.

He worried that you were losing interest in him, that you wouldn’t want to see him anymore. He felt intimidated by Alex. It seemed like you were having the time of your life with him at the party. As he watched the two of you interact his blood boiled and he found himself having to look in the opposite direction, just to avoid accidentally meeting your eye.

Hansol had been hoping and wishing to see you on campus. He even frequented the places he thought you might be, just in case you were there. And one day, it worked. He was in the library reviewing his history notes when you sat at his table. You casually sat across from him as if Friday night never happened. Sure, it was five days later but that didn’t take away his surprise.

You said, “Hey,” and sat down with your backpack and coffee.

“Hey,” he said, watching you as you got settled.

“Mind if I sit with you?”

Hansol laughed. “Isn’t it a little too late to be asking now?”

You didn’t laugh. Instead, you shrugged coldly. This left Hansol feeling a bit awkward. He brushed it off, assuming that maybe you just weren’t in a talking mood. The feelings of awkwardness didn’t go away. He wondered if you felt it or if it was just him feeling this way.

You looked beautiful today. You were wearing a little bit of makeup, he noticed. He noticed that your eyelashes were a bit longer than usual and that your lips were a shade of red he hadn’t seen on you yet. But seeing you in makeup made his mind race. Had you just come from seeing Alex? Had you seen him since Friday night?

He watched as you wrapped your fingers around the coffee cup and took a sip, leaving a red lipstick stain on it. His mind began wandering and he found himself thinking about how pretty you’d look with your lips around his dick. He shook that thought out of his mind. Was sleeping together out of the question at this point? Did your meeting Alex cut off that possibility?

A text message popped up on his laptop in the middle of his typing. It was Ashley. He’d told her that this week he was pretty busy so now she was asking him if he was doing anything on Saturday night. He wanted to say that he was busy, indefinitely, but he thought better of it and decided to ignore the message altogether. He didn’t want to see her this weekend or the weekend after and so on. In reality, he wanted to ask you if you were busy this weekend. But he wasn’t sure where he stood with you or if you were even interested anymore.

An hour came and went. Interestingly enough, you barely talked. The times you’d talked, you asked him what he was working on and when his test was. You seemed to be engrossed in your work. In the past hour or so, he’d gathered that you were preparing a presentation for communications class on Friday. The worst part of it all was that you didn’t seem interested in talking to him. He wondered why, of all empty tables in the library, you’d chosen to sit with him at this one. Especially since you pretty much gave him short responses every time he attempted to initiate conversation.

He was confused and you confused him further as you closed your laptop and started packing up your things. You stood up from the table and slung your backpack over your left shoulder. “Wanna take a break?”

Hansol pushed you up against the closed door. He needed you. In the library, he’d been hard thinking of the last time he fucked you. You moaned into his mouth as he kissed you. He kissed you, hard.

You noticed how different Hansol’s energy was this time around. He was a lot more aggressive. And you noticed. You weren’t phased by it. In fact, you liked it. Playing hard to get clearly paid off. You hadn’t expected to see Hansol in the library but you had and you decided to take the opportunity. Eventually, you got sick of the game and decided to take what you wanted. So, here you were with Hansol helping each other out of clothes.

“Lay down,” he said, pushing you back onto your bed.

You did as he asked and he pulled your panties off, tossing them off to the side. He took off his boxers, revealing his hard dick. Hansol got on his knees and pulled you by the legs to the edge of the bed. He planted a few kisses on both of your thighs, sending chills up your spine. You throbbed and became a little impatient. You wanted him inside of you now. You choked on a silent moan as he flicked his tongue against your clit once, twice, and thrice. You let out a surprised moan at the new feeling of his warm tongue on your clit. He sucked it and licked at it to draw you into a frenzy of gasps and moans.

Hansol had never eaten a woman out quite like this but he was feeling inspired. Your potential interest in Alex had given him the motivation he needed to give you the sex you didn’t know you needed. You were excited and Hansol could tell by how quickly you got wet. He made you squirm and grab the sheets, biting your lips to hold back your own moans.

When he was done with you, he rolled on a condom quickly. He put you on your back and parted your legs. You wrapped them around him as he pushed inside of you. You felt the slight pressure as he pushed into you and you wrapped around him. He thrusted in you slowly at first, planting light, feathery kisses on your neck as he rocked into you.

He kissed your lips, sticking his tongue in your mouth while he fucked you. He went deeper, filling you up completely. Long, deep strokes were one of your favorites, especially in the missionary position. You yelped every time he thrusted into you. It felt so good you couldn’t help the noises you were making.

Hansol loved to see your face twist up in pleasure and he loved to hear your moans in his ears as you wrapped your legs around him, pushing him in even deeper. “Fuck,” he groaned, wrapping his arms around your body. Pussy like yours drove him crazy. He didn’t know how much longer he could possibly last if you felt this good even with a condom on.

Your lips parted with soft moans. “Harder...”

Hansol smiled and put your legs over his shoulder before he started pounding you hard. You could almost see stars from the intense pleasure at this angle. He kept hitting your spot over and over again, the tension building up to the point of no return. Hansol kept at it because, judging by the look on your face, he knew you’d come undone soon.

“Don’t stop,” you whispered.

And he didn’t. If anything, he pounded you even harder. Beads of sweat were forming at his temples and his hair was beginning to stick to his forehead. Your orgasm brought you over the edge as you let out those final, sinful noises. And that was enough for Hansol to come undone and groan as he came in the condom.

He collapsed next to you, exhausted. “Fuck.” You rolled over and he pulled your naked body on top of his. He kissed you, this time being more gentle with you.

You pulled away. “Are you going to head out now?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

You nodded.

“Okay.”

“I’m gonna take a quick shower.”

Hansol nodded and you stood up before disappearing into the bathroom. Hansol disposed of the condom and put his boxers back on. Just as he sat back on the bed, he heard a ding. He picked up his phone and realized that he had no messages. He looked over to your phone and saw that it was your message. The screen went dark before he could see and his curiosity got the better of him, so he tapped your screen only to see that it was Alex. The text read, You looked beautiful today. When can I take you on that date I mentioned?

Hansol flared up with anger and frustration. You were obviously still talking to Alex and you were obviously still interested. He knew that you hadn’t left the party with Alex that night since he saw you leave with your friends but he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened between you since that night. He knew that it was none of his business and that he had no right to be upset but he was. He was upset. He didn’t want you to be interested in someone else. Hell, he didn’t want to do this friends with benefits thing anymore!

He’d had enough. He’d seen more than enough. He started getting dressed. He couldn’t stand to stay here with you knowing that Alex was texting you. He left your apartment in a huff and texted you, saying that he had to leave. It wasn’t a lie but he wasn’t in the mood to go into detail with you. After all, anything that came out of his mouth would be a bold-faced lie. The reality was that he was jealous and didn’t want to feel like this and he certainly didn’t appreciate having to compete with Alex to have you.

When you got out of the shower, Hansol’s clothes were off the floor and he was nowhere to be found. You even checked by the door to see if his sneakers were still there but they weren’t. Something had happened and you weren’t sure what. Hansol just up and left even though he had just said he was going to stay the night with you.

You went over to your phone and found a text from him saying he had to leave. He didn’t add any details or excuses to go along with it. You just weren’t sure what to think of it. You just texted him saying it was okay and that maybe he could sleep over some other time. You weren’t going to lie to yourself; you were kind of thrown off by this.

Then you moved on to the text message with Alex. You decided to accept his invitation and texted him saying, How about Saturday?

You put your phone on the charger and lay down wishing that Hansol was lying down next to you. You felt closer to him tonight for some reason. You wanted him but you wondered if things would even work out with Hansol. Maybe Alex was put in your life for a reason. Maybe it was Alex that you should be going for instead of Hansol. After all, the situationship you were in with Hansol was built on a foundation of sex. You and Alex hadn’t done anything other than kiss and you felt he was a genuine guy who was interested in more than just planting himself between your legs.

You let out a sigh. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the fact that you’d be sleeping alone tonight.

Meanwhile, Hansol was in bed tossing and turning. He couldn’t sleep with the thoughts of you plaguing his mind. As soon as he left your place, he wanted to turn around and go back. He wanted nothing more but to cuddle with you tonight and have you fall asleep in his arms. He was craving intimacy but his pride wouldn’t let him turn around and go back to your apartment. He didn’t want to be just some other option. He didn’t really want to bring it up either. How could he bring it up to you without seeming crazy? What if you didn’t want more? What if he was just a placeholder until you met the right guy?

The more he thought about it, the more insecure he felt. He hated this feeling. He hated feeling powerless.

Since you were moving on, should he do the same? Should he date around? Swipe on Tinder some more? He considered texting Ashley but decided against it. She was nice but she wasn’t his type. And she damn sure wasn’t you.

Then, he decided that maybe you and him weren’t meant to be more. Maybe he just needed to cut you off.

Hansol was ghosting you and you didn’t know why. It had only been a couple days but you still felt bad about it. In the meantime, you’d been seeing Alex. You hadn’t had sex and, by not jumping in bed with him right away, you could see that he was a good guy. Not that Hansol was a bad guy but the relationship you had with him was way different.

You figured it would be best to just leave Hansol alone and pursue Alex instead. If Hansol really wanted you, he wouldn’t have ghosted. So, you had to pretend you didn’t see him if you saw him on campus even though you wanted to kick him in the balls. You had to pretend he didn’t exist even though you wanted to kick down the door to his house. You didn’t know if he saw you around or not but you avoided him as best you could.

Your friends said it was for the best but you still felt unsure. If Hansol was going to cut you off, you’d feel more comfortable if he’d done it with some sort of closure. But you weren’t going to get it. Raina had already told you to give up that dream. “Closure is hard to come by,” she insisted.

“What’s on your mind?” asked Alex, pulling you from your thoughts of Hansol. You felt guilty for thinking about Hansol when you’d just come back from a dinner date with Alex and were trying to binge watch a Netflix show with him.

You shook your head. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“You sure?”

You nodded. “Yeah.” You planted a quick kiss on his lips before you leaned into his shoulder again.

As the credits for the end of the episode began, Alex said, “Can I ask you something?” You nodded. “I know we never really got into this but I was just wondering...what you’re looking for?”

You weren’t sure what to think of this question. There were three outcomes, basically. The first being him wanting more and possibly being okay with getting in a relationship and the second being him wanting to keep things casual and the third was to end it all here if your answers didn’t match up.

You shrugged. “Well, I tried the friends with benefits thing with someone before. I don’t think it’s for me, personally…”

You expected for things to go downhill from there but it didn’t. He respected your response. He said, “It’s hard. We’re living in this hookup culture and everyone’s scared to say what they really want because they’re afraid the other person doesn’t want the same thing and they don’t want to face the truth.”

“Wow,” you said, nodding, “that was really on point...”

Alex laughed. “I didn’t mean to get too deep”

“I mean you do have a good point…”

“Yeah. Being friends with benefits is kinda weird. It’s like one person always ends up liking the other and there are all these rules about what you can and can’t do. It’s hard to both be on the same page, you know?” You smiled, grateful that he wasn’t planning on dropping you like a hot potato. “I know a lot of guys in college aren’t into relationships ‘cause we’re young and they think hooking up is better but I’m more of a relationship kinda guy. I just wanted you to know that that’s my intention if things work out between us.”

Hearing those words brought a smile to your lips. “That’s good to know…”

He smiled right back at you and pulled you closer as the next episode started.

Hansol couldn’t stand this. He couldn’t get you off of his mind. It had only been a couple days and his thoughts constantly drifted to you. He had been ignoring your texts, mostly because he didn’t know what to say.

He knew that he should be more mature about what happened and just come out and say that he left that day because he was jealous. Or maybe not even that. Just that he felt jealous because you were talking to Alex. Or…? He didn’t know what he should tell you and it seemed that he was running out of time.

He’d been in his room all day. He’d barely left his room since he came back from his twelve o’clock class. It was almost ten and it sounded like Jun had company in the living room. Just as he was finishing up an episode of F is for Family, there was a knock on his door.

Just as he was about to yell at his friend to fuck off, he came in anyway. Jun came in, a cold beer held up in his hand. He said, “Come out and socialize.”

“I don’t want to,” Hansol replied.

Jun rolled his eyes. “Come on. This cartoon isn’t better than hanging out with your friends.”

“Right now it is.”

“What’s going on with you? You’ve had a permanent frown since Wednesday. It’s Friday and you’re cooped up in your room…”

Hansol groaned. He didn’t want to get into it but, at the same time, he needed to vent. “It’s her…”

“Who?”

“Y/N…”

“What about her? I thought you were hooking up with her.”

“We were but at the party she was all over Alex.”

“So?”

Hansol’s eyes widened, baffled that his friend would even ask that. “What do you mean so?”

Jun chuckled and sat on his bed before handing Hansol the beer. Hansol cracked it open and took a huge gulp. Jun said, “I get it. You like her.”

Hansol nodded. “Yeah....I guess I do.”

“I thought you just wanted to find a friend with benefits.”

“I thought that but I like her. And we haven’t really been on a date or anything. We’ve just been messing around. But I wanna spend more time with her, you know, outside of that.”

“Talk to her. You won’t be able to spend more time with her if you’re gonna sit around and wait for her to run into Alex’s arms…And right now, with you sitting in the bed like this, that’s exactly what’s gonna happen.”

The thought made his stomach turn. He hadn’t returned your last text and he felt bad just ignoring it like that but he was ready to stop being a coward and come clean.

Your phone vibrated loudly on the coffee table in the middle of the movie you and your friends had decided on. But just as you thought the vibrations would stop, they didn’t. And your phone kept vibrating.

Cam sighed loudly. “How can we watch the movie with that phone vibrating like that?”

You quietly reached for your phone and found Hansol’s name in your notifications. You blinked a few times, deciding what you should do. Should you even answer or should you straight-up ignore him like he’d clearly done to you? Should you reply?

As you were about to open the message, Cam glanced over and saw the contact name. “Are you serious?” She snatched the phone out of your hand and clicked on the message.

“Hey!”

“Why isn’t he blocked yet? He can’t just text you hey after ghosting for days…”

“At least tell me what he said!”

Cam rolled her eyes. Just when it seemed like Hansol wouldn’t pose an issue for you anymore, he decided to text you. She was a little annoyed that he was coming in to disrupt your peace. With a sigh, she said, “He said ‘Hey, listen. I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting lately. If you’re willing to listen, I wanna talk. Can we meet?’” Your phone vibrated in her hands, a new message arriving as she ended her sentence. “He also said that he doesn’t mean for sex but to seriously talk...whatever that means.”

You frowned. Things had been weird between the two of you and now he wanted to talk? After days of ignored messages and calls? You wondered what he had to say for himself, after all this time.

Raina said, “Fuck that. I’m with Cam. He can’t just come crawling back when he feels like it...and as your best friend, I say leave him on read.”

You rolled your eyes and, as you did, Cam started typing and before you knew it she had pressed send. You snatched the phone and the message she’d sent read: FUCK YOU in uppercase letters with an angry emoji.

“Cam!”

She shrugged. “What? Did he not deserve that?”

“I guess,” you said as you looked down to find Hansol typing. You were frustrated with him but that didn’t mean that you wanted to text him “FUCK YOU” either.

HANSOL [9:42PM] | I deserve that…

HANSOL [9:42PM] | I just want to make things right…

You couldn’t just leave things like this. As much as you wanted to be strong and ignore him or even block him like Cam suggested, you couldn’t stand at least not knowing what he wanted to talk about. Plus, your heart fluttered at the sight of his name even if your blood boiled when you thought of him. You were angry with him but part of you didn’t want to be.

Y/N [9:43PM] | We can talk.

HANSOL [9:43PM] | Are you free now? If not we can meet tomorrow.

Y/N [9:44PM] | I can meet you now.

HANSOL [9:44PM] | I’ll come to you. I’ll text you when I’m outside your building.

When you looked up, your friends were looking at you expectantly. Raina spoke up first. “So are you gonna meet the asshole or what?”

You nodded. “I just want a little closure. Plus, I have a date with Alex tomorrow night.”

Cam said, “Good. Alex is a cool guy. And no offense, but I think he’s way cuter.”

You chuckled and reached for your wine glass. You’d need a little more to drink if you were going to be talking to Hansol soon, especially since you had no idea what to expect from him. So you started chugging the wine until there was nothing but an empty glass in your hands. Then you reached for the bottle to pour more.

A few minutes later, your phone buzzed with Hansol’s text saying that he was outside. You downed the rest of your wine and bid your friends goodbye. You headed out of the apartment and started walking downstairs. From the second floor window, you could see Hansol standing outside in his hoodie.

Hansol was nervous. He didn’t even know what he was going to say. He thought about it a million times but none of it sounded justifiable at this point. But he pushed the thought out of his head. Even if you didn’t forgive him, he’d feel a bit better knowing that he at least confessed how he felt instead of keeping all of those feelings inside. Because as of now it was killing him.

He turned around as he heard the door open. You came out and walked toward him. He thought of all the times you smiled as you walked over toward him but this time you weren’t. Why would you be happy to see him after what he’d done? You stood in front of him and didn’t say anything. After all, he was the one who called you out here to talk. He had to start somewhere, right?

Hansol cleared his throat. “Um, I just wanted to explain things and clear the air…”

You folded your arms across your chest. “Okay.”

“First, I’m sorry for ignoring you the past couple days. I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotional things and—”

“You’ve been dealing with a lot? That’s your excuse for ignoring all my messages and calls?”

You couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed. He called you out here and started off with this pathetic explanation of what had happened. He hadn’t said much but, at the same time, he’d said enough to understand that Hansol wasn’t the kind of person that considered the other person’s feelings.

Hansol said, “I know it’s no excuse for leaving you hanging but I want you to know that I am truly sorry for taking off that night.”

“Everyone goes through shit, Hansol! You’re not the only one in this world who’s going through something. I’m going through shit too. I just would’ve at least had the decency not to ghost…”

You were hurt and the more you thought about it, the more you felt used and thrown away like a dirty napkin. He had sex with you and left, basically. You didn’t realize it until now. You had the best sex you’d had up to this point and he just disappeared before you got out of the shower. He didn’t give a real reason and he’d been ignoring you. What were you supposed to think of it all?

Hansol looked down at his feet, kicking a nearby rock onto the patch of grass to his left. “I know...I’m sorry.”

You sighed. “Why did you fuck me and then leave?” You bit your lip as you became overwhelmed with emotion. “If you wanted to use me, why say that you wanted to stay over?”

Hansol’s heart dropped. “Y/N, I wasn’t using you...It wasn’t my intention to leave at all.”

“Then why?”

“I saw something I didn’t want to see…” You raised your eyebrows, prompting him to finish his sentence. “I saw that Alex texted you and it made me feel like shit.”

You sucked your teeth. “Are you joking?” You let out a laugh. “You can’t be serious right now. You can talk to other girls but I can’t talk to anyone else? You were all over that girl at the party yet I had to sit there and watch you with her.”

“I don’t like her like that, Y/N. I admit we kissed that night but I would rather it have been with you…”

You were starting to get upset and the tears that fell were angry and frustrated. You didn’t know where to begin. The emotions you felt were all over the place. You felt hurt, angry, betrayed, and sad. And worse, you didn’t even know how to put your true feelings into words.

“So she was just some piece in whatever fucked up game you’re playing?” You turned around, deciding that you were done with this conversation. You turned your head slightly, looking at him over your shoulder. “You know what, Hansol? You’re just like the rest of them...and I was stupid to think you’d be any different.”

You walked away from him and, as much as he wanted to go after you and apologize and beg for another chance, he didn’t want to hurt you more than he already had. He heard you climb up the stairs and he heard you open the front door. He heard murmurs of your friends before the door slammed shut for good.

He didn’t know how long he’d stood there before he actually accepted things and started walking home. He felt so defeated. He had come here with good intentions and he’d somehow managed to make things worse. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. Was this really how things were going to end?

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