#newbie gardener

[sadisticstylist]

For those who don't know, I'm a huge garden nerd. Ask about my garden and you'll get an earful.

I'm very fortunate to live IN San Francisco proper, and yet have a large, private back yard. It's what sold us on this space! The previous couple that lived here built a raised bed in the back and obviously grew a lot of veggies. Last summer after we moved in, I discovered an artichoke plant, butterhead lettuce (which we ended up making wraps with), carrots & more surprises growing in the bed!

This year I went a little overboard with my seed order, and got more types of plants than I have room to grow. This year also had the coldest and most prolonged winter that I have ever felt in the Bay Area. Mid-March was supposed to be my "last frost date", but the weather was still shit. Zone 9b? Yeah, right. Also, our yard is sort of boxed in by some taller buildings on a few sides, which very inconveniently limits the amount of direct sun most of my beds receive. My poor pepper plants will never make it to fruition, lol. And forget trying to grow squash! PLUS there have been pests that have devoured many a seedling. Needless to say, it's been a learning experience!

Here are some plants that I HAVE grown, successfully, that we have been able to harvest and eat this year!

*Garlic (grown from individual cloves that had sprouted in our kitchen cupboard)

*snap peas (the exact variety was called "sugar daddy snap peas" ;))

*Butterhead and Merlot lettuce (both are so yummy omg)

*Kale (still going strong, probably the most successful crop so far)

*Swiss Chard (close second to Kale, just sometimes gets hit by leaf miners)

*Green onions (two different varieties, bought at the Asian market with the roots still attached, stuck em in the ground and have been letting them do their thing)

*HEEEEEEEEERBS! Cilantro, rosemary, thyme, oregano, peppermint, chocolate mint, lavender, sage, and more are all happy as can be out here! Also CHAMOMILE has been *prolific*. I planted two starters in two different spots last summer, they did their thing, died back, and reseeded *everywhere*. It even grows out of the cracks between paved stones ffs -_- A lovely fan bought us an herb dryer a while ago, and we're planning to share the chamomile with friends. Fucking chamomile. Whew.

If anyone's interested in following my garden ramblings on here, I'll try to keep all related posts tagged #Denalis Garden on my tumblr. And I'd love to make some tumblr friends who also garden! I'll post some photos later. Now I'm off to plant more seeds!

[twopoppies]

For the anon Who think they don't want to interact, please, make him read this twitt:

https://x.com/La_Triquetra/status/1812842426450481406?t=7vFUK_Wb22sLCVId_XRNKQ&s=19

"And that's why what happened yesterday is HUGE!

Let's all support this! All the rest is only noise."

Yeah, I don't disagree with them. We were all larrying yesterday because it was fun. But them being in the same space was something way bigger than just "Larry." We'll see what comes of it.

x

[glimmette]

NATG XIV - Day 5

Prompt: Draw a pony shrouded in mystery / Draw a pony with friends in high places.

Sunny and Zipp discover a beautiful, mysterious garden... and a familiar looking pony. Is it really her? Or is it just a ghost? An illusion? You decide.

[divusvox]

🧷 Facebook • Instagram

[needlenxggin]

Tag dump cause tumblr keeps killing mine and I need a new one to keep track of them all considering I've got a few new ones for his spider and genshin verse.

[mallardducksaysquack]

Do you ever just weed your garden for over an hour and suddenly your mind gets so blown that you start to understand the entire universe?

yea me neither

i only have more questions now

anyway, my brand new and first ever hand fork is a Very Nice Fork™

not to sound like your dad but if your not having a great time rn you might legitimately be playing too many video games or being on that damn phone too often, or at least without any necessary activity buffers

[thegardenenthusiast]

Basil Gardening 101: A Beginner's Guide to Cultivating Flavorful Herbs

Are you an adult beginner with zero gardening experience but a desire to cultivate your own fresh basil? Well, you're in the right place! Growing basil is not only a rewarding experience, but it also adds a burst of flavor to your culinary adventures. In this comprehensive guide, we'll walk you through the basics of basil gardening, step by step, ensuring that even if you've never touched a spade before, you'll soon be able to start harvesting fragrant basil leaves from your own garden.

Understanding Basil: A Brief Introduction

Basil, also known as Ocimum basilicum, is a versatile herb that boasts a distinctive aroma and flavor. Its vibrant green leaves make it a must-have for any kitchen garden. Before diving into the gardening process, let's explore the different types of basil available and their unique characteristics. From sweet basil to Thai basil, each variety offers a distinct taste, perfect for enhancing various dishes.

Setting Up Your Basil Garden: Essential Requirements

1. Location Matters:

Choosing the right location for your basil plants is crucial. Basil thrives in sunlight, so pick a spot that receives at least 6-8 hours of sunlight per day. Whether you opt for a balcony, patio, or backyard, make sure the chosen area has well-draining soil.

2. Soil Preparation:

Basil prefers well-draining soil with a slightly acidic to neutral pH. Enhance your soil with organic matter like compost to ensure optimal growth. Consider using a potting mix if you're planning to grow basil in containers.

3. Selecting Basil Varieties:

As a beginner, start with the classic sweet basil. It's easy to grow and widely used in various cuisines. Once you gain confidence, you can experiment with other varieties like lemon basil, Thai basil, or purple basil.

Planting Basil Seeds or Seedlings

1. Timing is Key:

Basil is sensitive to cold temperatures, so it's essential to plant your seeds or seedlings after the last frost. In most regions, this is during the spring.

2. Seed Planting:

If you're starting from seeds, plant them indoors 6-8 weeks before the last frost. Use a seed-starting mix, keep it consistently moist, and watch for the emergence of seedlings.

3. Transplanting Seedlings:

Once the seedlings have a couple of sets of true leaves, transplant them into your prepared garden bed or containers, ensuring proper spacing.

Caring for Your Basil Plants

1. Watering:

Basil prefers consistent moisture but doesn't like to be waterlogged. Water the plants when the soil feels slightly dry to the touch, and avoid overhead watering to prevent fungal diseases.

2. Fertilizing:

Feed your basil plants with a balanced, all-purpose fertilizer every 4-6 weeks. Be cautious not to over-fertilize, as this can lead to excessive foliage growth with diminished flavor.

3. Pruning and Harvesting:

Regularly pinch off the tips of your basil plants to encourage bushier growth. Harvest leaves once the plant is mature, typically after 6-8 weeks. Use clean, sharp scissors to cut just above a set of leaves, promoting continued growth.

Troubleshooting Common Basil Issues

Even the most seasoned gardeners face challenges, and as a beginner, you might encounter a few hurdles along the way. Here are some common issues and their solutions:

1. Yellowing Leaves:

This could indicate overwatering or poor drainage. Adjust your watering schedule and ensure proper drainage.

2. Pests:

Keep an eye out for common basil pests like aphids and spider mites. Use insecticidal soap or neem oil to combat these invaders.

3. Diseases:

Prevent fungal diseases by providing adequate spacing between plants, promoting good air circulation.

Conclusion: Enjoy the Fruits of Your Labor

Now that you've successfully navigated the basics of basil gardening, as your plants flourish, experiment with incorporating fresh basil into your favorite recipes. Whether it's a classic Italian pasta dish, a refreshing summer salad, or a homemade pesto sauce, your homegrown basil will elevate your culinary creations to new heights.

Embarking on your gardening journey as an adult beginner may seem daunting, but with the right guidance, cultivating basil can be a fulfilling and enjoyable experience. From choosing the perfect spot to harvesting your bountiful crop, this guide has equipped you with the tools to begin your basil garden. So, roll up your sleeves, grab your gardening tools, and let the aromatic journey begin!

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only.

The content provided in this blog is based on commonly accepted gardening practices, and it is not a substitute for professional advice.

While we strive to offer accurate and up-to-date information, gardening practices can vary based on regional climates, soil conditions, and other factors. Readers are encouraged to consider their specific local conditions and seek advice from local gardening experts or agricultural extension services for tailored recommendations.

"The Garden Enthusiast" and its author(s) assume no responsibility or liability for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of the information provided. The use of any information from this blog post is at the reader's discretion and risk.

The blog may contain links to external websites or resources. "The Garden Enthusiast" is not responsible for the content, accuracy, or practices of external sites. Links to such external sites do not imply endorsement, and readers should review the privacy policies and terms of service of those sites.

Gardening involves inherent uncertainties, and results may vary. Readers are advised to exercise due diligence and seek professional advice before making decisions based on the information presented in this blog post.

"The Garden Enthusiast" reserves the right to modify, update, or remove content at any time without prior notice. The views and opinions expressed in this blog post are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of "The Garden Enthusiast."

By accessing and using this blog post, readers acknowledge and agree to the terms of this disclaimer. If you do not agree with these terms, it is recommended that you refrain from using the information provided in this blog post.

For any specific gardening concerns or questions, readers are encouraged to consult with qualified professionals or local gardening authorities.

Thank you for your understanding, and happy gardening!

"The Garden Enthusiast"

[trendytopicswordpress]

Embarking on a Green Adventure: Home Gardening: A Beginner’s Guide

Growing your own home garden can be an exciting way of reconnecting with nature while also offering some reprieve from how hectic life can be today.��However, if you live in a spacious house with a yard, or a rather large flat with a balcony, growing your own home garden is definitely worthwhile and rewarding as it can be a wonderful way of staying in touch with nature. This is a guide that will…

[chcyna]

rpcdev trick or treat day 21

every step he takes crunches unsettlingly underfoot, the dead grass almost CRISPY under his boots. it’s sad to see a place like this fallen away to neglect. at one point, he can imagine that this little space would have been absolutely gorgeous. but now, with the lack of care and upkeep, everything is dry and dead or dying. the cool autumn breeze makes its way through the hedgerow, stirring the dried leaves and stems of what used to be beautiful and vibrant flowers. the sound sends an involuntary shiver down his spine. he can’t put his finger on it, but the sound is oddly unsettling. 

huffing a quiet sigh, Steve looks around himself again, trying to pick the best place to start. he’d never really taken on a project as big as this, but now that he’s finally picked a place to really SETTLE, he feels he needs to make it feel settled in. which is why he’s out looking at the overgrown garden of dead things with a whole pallet of plants recommended to him by the kindly lady at the little nursery he’d found. hardy plants that may not be the prettiest or most vibrant, but were pretty hard to kill so he’d have a good base to start with and if he followed her tips on the sketch of the space he’d made, he would have room to put in more vibrant, eye-catching flowers and things in the coming years as his confidence in his ability to keep things alive grew. but, none of that can happen until he clears out everything else. he’d already set up a large bin for compost and had the first lawn trimmings sitting in there. still, he plans on burning most of the dried out stuff he pulls from the garden to mix the cooled ash into the compost bin to help give it good nutrients when he does end up using it in the garden. again, more tips from Nancy at the nursery. she’s going to be the only hope for the garden plans he has to start off with.

finally, Steve settles on a spot where there seems to be a lot of tall, twiggy like stems of things. they look like they’ll be easy to pull and the first gentle tug on one proves him right. shallow roots allow the stiff plant to come right out without any real trouble. it’s a promising start and he chooses to take it as a good omen for the garden.

[newbiegard3n]

Newbie Gardening

Gardening is not just about the destination—it’s about the relationship you build with nature along the way. Learn everything you need to know about gardening. We wanted to provide a resource online to help newbie gardeners learn gardening as fast as they can. From the right tools, to the correct plants to plant in the right season, we have it all on Newbie Gardening.

[smoothieempress]

Planted my first flower a few weeks ago

She’s growing 🥹

You can’t really see her here but her sister is tryna catch up 🥹 she’s right in the middle

Their brother’s a little shy…I think I might’ve planted him wrong. I had a hard time telling where his bulb was

[phntxm]

} (newby) demon muzan, soft muzan?, arranged marriage, fiancée! reader, fem! reader, mention of bl00d, reader's face got cut

let's pretend that blo0d transfusion exists in haien period a/n; usually, I stick to writing headcanons and avoid posting scenarios because I worry it might not be good enough. however, I've chosen to take a chance this time so if there are any mistakes, please bear with me y-y wc : 1.2k

you never imagined that one day you would willingly sacrifice yourself to aid your sick fiancé, who barely acknowledged you

he was unkind. neither of you had agreed to this arranged marriage; it was solely the decision of his family, the Ubuyashiki clan, who couldn't bear the thought of their ailing son dying alone

at first, the situation was difficult, Muzan be believed having a wife wouldn't extend his life or be of any use. you tried your best, simply aiming to fulfill the marriage contract, we don't have to be in love

the arrangement benefited both clans. the Ubuyashiki clan could lessen their appearance of pity by providing a wife for their son, while your family could regain their lost wealth and noble status during their down in luck

and at the turning point, when he was injured and lost a lot amount of blood. neither his family nor yours offered to help him, they were afraid to give blood to someone like him. they're just hired a cheap doctor to care for him, you were the only one willing to give him your blood without hesitation

after that, he was more open to you

until the day the doctor's medicine was effective

but without knowing it, you were only happy for your fiancé to become healthy like normal people. you heard a nonsensical rumor about a demon attacking people at night, it must be a bear or wild animals..

" I am greatly rejoiced for thee, that thy health hath now become better " you said it as you started to sit beside him on the warmed tatami mat, gazing out at the garden beyond

" the physic hath wrought an unexpected efficacy upon me " he nodded in agreement, raising his arm and gently squeezing it to show the increased muscle and strength he now possessed

" I heard he was a thrifty physician, deemed unfit, yet he proved skilled to mend thee, I do delight exceedingly " as you mentioned this, making Muzan to reconsider his first encounter with the doctor. he couldn't believe he would successfully be healed, as the doctor was merely a cheap physician hired by his clan

" in speaking thereof, thou dost prove thyself useful to me " he turned his face towards you and smiled gently, a smile that could barely be called a smile

" I do greatly admire thy bravery " he said, his smile filled with pride and happiness, yet tinged with a sadistic undertone that sent shivers down your spine

his words left you stunned; you never expected a compliment from someone like him " my pleasure " you said as you bowed to him, It really makes you feel happy, yet it seems like god isn't kind to either of you

" yet unfortunately, I hope that one day thou and I may stroll together, now it is unwise to go abroad by night " you express how shameful it was for the chance of having a normal life with him to be interrupted by some kind of creature " folk do speak of a demon, that doth hunt people by night " you know he doesn't believe in anything silly like this, so the reaction he gave you afterward was not surprising

" demon.. tis the name by which they are called? " he chuckles softly, of course he would do that, you think, he's the man who- " art thou fearful of demons" his question caught you off guard. he doesn't mean it, does he?

sometimes he asks you strange questions, given that he has spent his entire life trapped in his own house. questions about the outside world grab his attention the most, so you didn't mind it, but that doesn't mean he would believe in such a fairy tale like this. you remain silent, not because you're trying to avoid his question, but as his voice shifts, growing more serious " in the night doth stalk a creature, feeding on flesh of men.. art thou afraid? " he looks at you, and you sense he already has an answer in mind. if you answer wrongly, you fear something bad might happen

" I do not believe in demons, tis but a wild beast " you answered while trying to hide the fear you felt, his question has indeed made the atmosphere awkward, you think

Muzan tilts his head slightly " is it so? what if... what if I be that demon? wouldst thou be afraid? " he seems to enjoy seeing you like that

" what do you mean? "

" thou hast heard my words. wouldst thou abandon me if I were that demon? even there is no chance of fleeing from me "

what on earth is he talking about? " I... " your words evoke a sense of fear and confusion, as he reaches his hand to gently touch your cheeks, his actions were so contrasting to what you felt; he touched you as if it were something fragile, yet not with the intention to protect, but to possess it, to do whatever he pleased with it

" what a pity. I do hold thee dear, and thou wilt surely prove useful unto me " you startled slightly; his hand felt so cold, almost as if he weren't human

" hast thou any final words? " you trembled, hearts beating fast, unsure if it was pure fear or excitement. you didn't feel the urge to run away; it was the same mix of emotions you felt when you first volunteered to give him your blood, the joy of helping someone you love, intertwined with the fear that death might be near, and you might not make it out alive " thou didst inquire if I fear demons? do I dread death? I would say, tis not that I lack fear, but the very thought of aiding thee doth making me to endure it " you're contemplating your feelings, realizing there's no right answer for him. in that moment, you didn't strategize on how to answer so he would spare your life, instead, you acted on what your heart felt, just being honest, something you wouldn't regret later— though there might be no 'later,' because you're going to die right here at his hands " I once gave thee my blood, I do not fear to give thee my blood again, it gladdens my heart that I may lend thee aid once more " you close your eyes, gently touching his hand on your cheek, cherishing this fleeting moment of happiness for the last time " take it all as thou dost desire " you said, as you turned to place a soft kiss on his palm, that even if he's not used to or doesn't like being touched, what's the worst that could happen? he's gonna kill me? then- well..

Muzan paused, stunned by your response. then, a sadistic smile slowly spread across his face once more, his eyes gleaming with a disturbing intensity. as he began to grow out his sharp, menacing nails, pressed them firmly against your cheek, and sliced your cheeks until they were red and bleeding " it would be discourteous of me to not return what I have received, I shall give thee my blood also " it was a gift from the demon king, leaving you unsure whether it should be seen as a blessing or a curse. nevertheless, if this is what god desires, then so be it

[sfznyxio]

-ˋˏ I CHOOSE YOU! ˎˊ

SYNOPSIS. new year, new you, new school. you’re determined to be the greatest trainer in history, and it starts at a pokemon academy. you hope to finish your studies free of drama, if you can ignore the noise of many battles within the student body to see who will come on top.

CHARACTERS. sakura haruka, suo hayato, nirei akihiko, umemiya hajime, hiragi toma, tsubakino tasuku, kaji ren, tomiyama choji, togame jo

CONTENT. gn!reader. pokemon au. comedy, fluff. 0.8k wc. inspired by pokemon scarlet and violet and its teal mask dlc. everyone goes to legit school here, whoa. reader sometimes ditches class to explore the wild. electrocution, one bad pun intended (kaji). they/them pronouns for tsubaki.

VERA. yelling with @stunie about pokemon was really fun so why not combine the best of both worlds. for zevie, my fellow pokemon (mystery dungeon) enthusiast!

𝄞༉‧₊˚. SAKURA HARUKA

sakura wants to be the best in the world through unconventional means, to battle the strongest right away. you’ve seen how he fought off a group of students who were ridiculing you earlier, but there’s no way someone could become a trainer with punches and kicks and without a pokemon. by chance, a sprigatito steals the pastry he was holding to eat and sends him on a wild goose chase. those two are a lovely pair, when it’s time for it to stop eating his food and he stops yelling at it for being a “brat”.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. SUO HAYATO

if you need a teacher for your team on how to behave on the battlefield, suo is at the yard meditating with his mienfoo. it’s impressive how he’s by your stress filling their air like smokescreen. your pokemon partner suddenly stops listening to your commands, and now your wallet is dry. he says it's the rebellious teen phase, something he can easily deal with. whatever he did to make your pokemon shudder when he calls on it for lessons with mienfoo as his assistant, you dare not to pry.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. NIREI AKIHIKO

midterm season is around the corner, what you dread the most this year. luckily you have nirei, a walking encyclopedia that is very convenient to have as a study buddy and useful to a certain someone who skips classes to explore the wild. his abra will teleport you back on campus whenever you try to ditch. the one day you venture farther, a very strong pokemon has you running for your life. abra has the ability to sense danger so you manage to return safely, but not safe from his disappointment. 

𝄞༉‧₊˚. UMEMIYA HAJIME

major concerns of newbies are what type of supplies to stock up on and how to train pokemon teams efficiently. your problem is money, due to spending too much and losing too much against people. umemiya is an expert in said concerns, but his togekiss handles his budget to curb his spending impulses. for someone who advertised himself as dependable, you definitely can’t depend on him for monetary matters. even togekiss judges him for buying fake plants for his fake garden. 

𝄞༉‧₊˚. HIRAGI TOMA

the academy is a scary place. there are strong and promising trainers in the making, and a tournament is a great start to see what they’re worth. competition drives everyone nuts, tailing down anyone such as yourself in their line of sight to battle. hiragi shoos them away, swearing he’ll be like his annihilape if they keep this up. he mistakes you as one with the crowd because you’re staring at him for so long, his pokemon readies its rage fist to send you flying, stressing him out even more.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. TSUBAKINO TASUKU

as the end of the school term draws near, students become anxious. fear not, tsubaki knows how to turn the doom and gloom around - throwing a party. their checklist becomes so long they need a helping hand. their gardevoir chooses you through its future sight, determining that you’re good luck. while shopping with your upperclassman, there’s an ongoing sale for clothes they’ve been waiting for since forever. they’re so excited that they drag you along and practically buy out the whole boutique.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. KAJI REN

the stock of candies at the campus store is somehow almost empty every time you check it out. a salesclerk then tells you that they never heard of a luxio with a sweet tooth. the pokemon belongs to a student who wears headphones and a lollipop in his mouth, kaji. you and your partner look at each other with the same plan: ditch class to buy out the entire candy section before those two can. you and him grab a candy bag in sync, but luxio electrocutes you as he and your pokemon stare in shock.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. TOMIYAMA CHOJI

photography in the wilderness for a project is, in reality, easier said than done. your pictures come out blurry as many wild pokemon have tried to break your phone. just as things can’t get any worse, you get whacked by an ambipom from its double hit. your hands feel light, and you look at it with your device. its trainer tomiyama proposes to retake your photos as compensation. but instead of you in there, the entire gallery is full of his selfies. seems like this project will take forever to finish.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. TOGAME JO

you can’t afford to be late for school… again. rushing to campus on your bike, you almost crash into a dozing snorlax that is blocking your usual route. you and your pokemon have done what you can to wake it up, and it turns into a stream of light which went inside a pokeball belonging to an upperclassman. togame was napping at the side of the road, and now he is late going to school like you are. as he’s about to ask you for a ride, you completely vanish, pedaling furiously like your life depends on it.

[the-californicationist]

The Fox & the Hound (Ch. 01)

Inspired by a tag on @ceilidho's tumblr post reblogged by @garbagecompactor3263827 where Johnny wants to sink his teeth into a newbie porn star.

MDNI/18+ NO EXCEPTIONS

AO3 Link - Comments/Reblogs very appreciated

You watched him prep in the shared bathroom. People were bustling in and out, and a lighting manager was handing him a fresh razor, reaching over him for her films. He trimmed around his fat, flaccid cock with a practiced hand, getting the hairs just right. Part of you wished it was still the 80s when bush was en vogue . The rest of him remained furry, thankfully, and just as you were about to tend to your own garden, he caught you looking. That same glint in his eyes sparkled, like a hound that had spotted the writhing tail of its fox, ready to crack its bones in his huge maw. He’d been looking at you like that all day. He laughed, but he didn’t ride you for gawking. If anything, he looked a little relieved. What had you gotten yourself into?

Nothing had gone according to plan. This was your first real shoot, and the original actor who had set you up with this production company wasn’t even in the film. Film , your internal monologue chided you, it’s a porno, you filthy slut . Okay, a porn film. You’d sent nude photos here and there, and you’d even landed in Playboy as a back-page lube advert girl. It was a start. But, now, here you were about to shoot your first porno , and the only thing you knew about this guy was that he had fought for this part. 

He was beyond famous. You’d heard that Johnny Dangerous was the man of the hour, and that most of the girls who needed to boost their bankrolls called him up to ask him to co-star. You’d never even heard of him until today, and after hanging around the catering cart, you learned that he was the one who had paid actual money to star with you. 

It was probably some power play. Maybe it was your novelty. Banging the brand new porn actress must have been some sort of game. You didn’t care. This one gig was about to pay off your loans and buy you a brand new car all at the same time. You just needed to survive Mr. Dangerous. 

“Honey, are you comin’? We gotta shoot outside before the sun goes down.”

The voice came from the doorway, but you weren’t the honey, for once. They were talking to him. He didn’t answer. He just nodded, dismissing them, throwing his bright green swim shorts back on and rubbing the remainder of the oil into his broad chest. He was staring at you, biting hard at the inside of his cheek like he had a secret. Then, his expression became resolute, and he spoke to you softly, the way you do when you’re trying to coax a cat out from under a car,

“You gonna make it, lass?”

“Yeah,” you swiped on some waterproof mascara as an excuse to stare into the mirror and not at him, “I’m just a little nervous, that’s all. That seems normal.”

“It is,” Johnny moved closer to you, fluffing his own eyebrows in the mirror right alongside you, “Very normal. I’ll take care of you, hen. Nothin’ to worry your wee head about.”

You smiled. You didn’t want to thank him, exactly, but you wanted to be nice. Cordial. Professional. 

It wasn’t very professional of you to stare at the way his cock bounced as he adjusted his shorts, though, was it?

Then, to your shock, he leaned down and planted a kiss on the corner of your lips, tasting your sticky, cherry gloss, and saying, 

"See you in a bit, bonnie. Gonna make you feel real good." 

You stopped. He was gone, and for the first time that afternoon, you were alone. He lingered in all of the cracks and crevices of you, though. Now that he had pressed his lips to you, the spell had begun, and you realized you’d be fucking this man for hours. You drank your water from your icy jug, trying to turn it into liquid courage.

“Okay, okay, uhh… cute, yeah. Love it,” the director, Mike, appraised you like he worked on an assembly line, swooshing you over to the diving board with his hand, clutching a venti Starbucks cup in the other, “You look great, babe. Go sit on the diving board and let’s do a little preamble. Feel yourself up, pretend that you’re sunbathing in Malibu and not fuckin’ Santa Clarita, mkay?”

You made your way over to the diving board, walking in a way that you assumed was sexual, making a sexual face, and moving your hands across your tits…sexually. You thought it was a fine job until you heard the cut whistle. 

Mike was behind four people, two cameras, and an iPad when he shouted at you again,

“This isn’t a goddamn church service, babe. C’mon. I get hard when Chuy over here drives too fast, and this is not doin’ it.” 

“Sorry,” you said, moving back to your mark, determined to be positively the sexiest sunbather he had ever seen. 

“Mikey,” you heard Johnny’s voice call out, “Lemme kick it off.”

“Shut up, Johnny. I can’t afford your extra minutes, you skank,” Mike laughed and sipped his triple caramel mochaccino. 

Johnny came out from his shaded tent and cut his eyes at Mike before staring right at you,

“No charge. Just want it to be right.”

“Ugh,” Mike rolled his eyes behind his too-small sunglasses, “You and your…” he used scare quotes, “... art . Fine. Whatever. I just don’t want to shoot in the goddamn dark, so hurry up.”

Johnny walked around the pool, stroking himself across his shorts to stay hard. He was so thick that it looked like he was petting a handle of vodka back and forth. You tried to control your face, but you were getting more and more nervous as he came closer and closer to you.

“C’mere, bonnie,” he pulled you up from the diving board and held you in his arms.

If it wasn’t for the twenty people sweating to death in black tech clothes and eating dried-out hummus from foam plates standing around you, you would have felt like you were at your high school formal, being cradled gently in hands that wanted to do so much more. 

“Eyes on me,” he whispered. 

You obeyed, for some reason. There was nothing else to do but obey him. 

When he bent to kiss you, you knew it was for the cameras, because the angle of his face was open and softly spread so that the way he sucked your lips into his mouth would be seen by A and B-roll film. You kissed him back, trying to turn the sexiness up to eleven, rubbing your hands on his rigid cock to appear wanton and needy. 

He shuddered, and you thought you’d done something wrong. The look in his eyes told a different story. They were feverish, daring, and his pupils were fully blown. You could smell the coconut sunscreen someone had applied to him, and you could feel his breathing quicken in his huge body. 

Mike’s nasally voice came over the speakers,

“Let’s get a boom in there and pick up some of the kissing noise, please. Also, Johnny, some of your famous accent there, baby. You know what the ladies like.”

You were being kissed again, now set up for everyone to hear. He was devouring you, and you tried to keep your footing, grabbing his hulking shoulders and running your hands across his hirsute form. His muscles rippled and stretched beneath your touch, and he spoke his lines,

“Thought you would sneak into my wee pool, did ya, hen?”

You gave your voice a high-pitched lilt,

“Yes, I just wanted to get nice and tan.”

“Aye?” He pulled the tie on your bikini top, “Wouldn’t wanna get any tan lines, huh?”

You shook your head no, kissing his bare chest and feeling the top slither off of you to hang around your waist. 

“Wow,” his voice had changed its timbre, “Look at these pretty tits. Jesus…”

Johnny brought his mouth down to your nipple and sucked on it, licking on your beaded nub until it tightened for him, making sure to allow the camera man a full view of your perky breasts as they filled his hands. 

You moaned, and then you remembered to moan the right way, high and whiny. The higher the pitch, the higher the profit, they’d said. 

Johnny stopped suddenly, looking you in your eyes,

“Go back, lass. The first way. Do it the first way.”

“Johnny!” Mike complained, “Do you wanna come sit in this fuckin’ chair, or are you gonna focus on gettin’ your fat dick wet? Stop directing mid-scene. Cut. Cut. Start over with the tit sucking, and we’ll take it from the top,” Mike changed the tone of his voice and smiled at you, “You’re doing great, babe. Ten outta ten.”

You felt Johnny move his mouth to you again, but this time, his eyes were watching you, looking at you and waiting for you to make a choice. He was eager to make you moan, sucking hard and then soft, letting his long tongue lave over you like an animal, nibbling at your skin and making your blood rush to the surface. 

You moaned for real, testing the waters. Johnny smiled so wide you could see his back teeth, his jaw open and parting to let his tongue come forward to do its work. 

“Tha’s it, hen. Lemme hear you.”

His enormous hand squeezed your other breast, and he moved his mouth between them, stirring up your pleasure like a whisk in cream. Soft peaks. 

You obliged. The more you moaned, the more he fondled. He was yanking at your strings and ripping the bikini from you quicker than you had assumed he would be, especially since you were still in the outdoor scene. Wasn’t this all supposed to be inside?

“Christ,” Mike groaned, “I look at my email for five seconds and you’re almost nose-deep in her asshole? Johnny, this was supposed to be at couch scene three. Can - hey! Can somebody get him a book?”

Someone handed him a book, and he tossed it in the bushes,

“I dinnae care if it’s scene five thousand, Mikey. Just shoot it vérité, mate. Just like old times,” Johnny barked. He was getting more and more ruffled as Mike kept cutting in, almost like he was impatient to be done with it. Done with you?  

Mike turned his head to his assistant and asked,

“How many minutes do we have? Are we good? Okay. Okay!” He threw up his hands, “Okay, Johnny, you prima donna bitch. Let’s take it inside.”

The Someone with the book now passed Johnny his robe and he shouldered it on. He looked around and barked again,

“Aye! Hers? Give it here.”

He then had your robe in his hands and put it over you, cloaking you in its soft terrycloth, making sure you were covered. It was such an abrupt stop to your pleasure, one that you were not used to making, and your body railed you for it. Your pussy throbbed, your nipples ached, and your belly was full of butterflies. He held your hand as you walked inside. Just as you were about to get into position four on couch three, he pulled you back, nodding up at Mike and his team of people.

“Okay, lets get lighting on couch scene three, Billy. Hey! Hotdog! I didn’t say pull the lamp. Put the lamp back. Thanks, my man. Two more clicks on the warm light. Okay, gross, one click. Perfecto.”

Mike’s head popped over his iPad,

“You lovebirds ready for scene three?”

“Hang on,” Johnny grumbled, removing his swim trunks and flip-flops. 

He positioned himself on the couch and spread his legs, jerking himself back to full hardness and staring right at you as he did so. 

“C’mon, bonnie. I’m ready for you.”

You made your way over to the couch and knelt down. You didn’t mean to, but you hissed when your knees hit the cold, hard tiles. 

“Sorry!” You whispered to him.

He took his hands off his cock and pulled you onto the couch with him,

“Here, bonnie girl. Like this instead, yeah?”

Johnny pushed himself out along the length of the couch so that you were both laying on it. You placed your knees on the arm of it, raising your bare ass in the air for B-roll shots, your face perfectly positioned at Johnny’s raging hard-on. It was massive up close. His plump head and thick rod had seemed normal in his huge hands, but now that your small fingers were wrapped around him, you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. 

“Okay, fuck,” Mike smiled, drinking his coffee and nodding, “That’s hot. Good call, new girl. Smart.”

You smiled back at Mike, grateful for the praise, feeling like you were going to knock it out of the park. Then, Johnny’s cruel hand grabbed your hair and turned your head up to stare into his eyes. He grinned like a demon,

“You don’t have to smile at him, lass. He’s a fuckin’ bawbag.”

“JD! Can we get on with it?” Mike rolled his eyes. 

You got on with it. Something in Johnny’s demeanor had stirred a dark place in your belly. He was possessive, and he didn’t like you smiling at Mike. He did like the way you took each of his balls in your mouth and sucked on them with loose, pouty lips. His moans were cut short, not wanting to over-saturate the reel with male grunting sounds. Apparently, the straight male audience wasn’t a fan of anyone’s grunting but their own. 

He also liked when you tried to take him into your throat, moving your head as far as you could down his shaft, choking on his cock until you felt drool coat the inside of your mouth. You spit it onto him, and he wrenched his eyes shut, unable to watch you fuck your own face with his shaft. 

“Okay, while Johnny’s taking a nap or whatever that face is, let’s get B-roll in here for her mouth. Also, let’s take a minute or so of that gorgeous ass she’s got up there for us. That’s gonna be money, my friend. You are gonna be Miss Popular!”

In the place where you were staring before, Johnny’s face of agony and bliss, now there was a big, black lens. You could see yourself, bobbing up and down hungrily, and you pulled out all the stops. You suckled gently on his glans, lapping up his precome dutifully, enjoying it enough to moan again. 

He jumped, and Johnny’s hand snaked its way under the camera to squeeze the life out of his shaft. 

“Hey, mate, move to B-roll of her ass, would ya?”

The camera man laughed,

“About to lose it, Johnny? I thought she was the newbie.”

“Shut up, mate.”

You stayed stock still, watching as the camera moved to your rear end, feeling beyond exposed. You played with your pussy, spreading it open, fingering yourself, all of the things you were supposed to do. And, to be honest, it felt great. You needed to come so badly, a warm breeze would have been sexy to you at this point. 

Johnny stared down at you, his dick still in the prison of his fist, panting,

“How are we doin’, lass?”

“Good, you?” You appreciated the check-in. 

“Good. Ready to fuck you. So damn ready.”

His voice and his eyes were predatory. You felt like his prey. Prey had claws, too, though. So, you licked his shaft again, and you fed his own line back to him,

“I’m gonna come so fast. You’re gonna make me feel so good, baby.”

His face changed into a look of shock. Just then, Mike rang the bell,

“Alright, it’s couch doggy and - what does this say?”

“Light,” someone told him.

“Okay, light spanking? You okay with that new girl? It says you signed off on it.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. 

“Okie dokie, just checking. Sweet. Let’s get there.”

Johnny was standing at the arm of the couch, positioned behind you were you couldn’t see him. You felt his hands rub your cheeks and spread them wide, opening your core up to him. Then, that long tongue was lapping up your wetness, and he was talking with his mouth full,

“Mmf, so wet for me, lassie. That’s my good girl.”

Your pussy clenched and you knew he could see it. You thought he might laugh or make some other comment, but he kept your secret, licking the inside of you with soft, languid strokes, you gave him another clench - this time on purpose - waiting to see if you could rile him up again. 

“Oh, fuck,” Johnny moaned, “You’re so ready for me. Fuck me, wait.”

He stopped eating you out, which was the opposite of what you were going for. This shoot was a disaster, and you really needed this gig.

“I’m sorry!” You said, turning around.

“What?” His brow furrowed, “No, just wait. Mike!”

“What is it now? Johnny - this is why I didn’t call you about Manuel Ferrara’s gangbang.”

“I just need my bag.”

Mike’s sigh was theatrical,

“Everyone take five.”

The bell went off again. You sat on the couch and the same someone brought you your robe and a water. You smiled and thanked them. Johnny had disappeared, but when he came back, he was wearing a thick, black cock ring, tightly secured around his shaft and balls. 

“Okay,” he sighed, sitting by you on the couch, robeless.

“Are you alright?” You asked, offering him some of your water.

He took it, gulping down two huge swallows before responding,

“Aye, lass. Just had to stop myself from ending this show too soon.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise,

“I thought it was for the opposite reason. Must be hard to keep it up for such a long time, especially with all these breaks.”

He laughed,

“Usually, yeah. But, not today.”

His eyes were raking over you, still hungry for you even though he’d seen it all already. It would have been a lie to say you weren’t hungry for him, too. It was intoxicating, the way he stared at you, eager and joyful. You weren’t surprised he was so popular. 

“Annnnnd, we’re back, people! Baby, could you perch up there again, please? Now that Mr. Princess is done preening, we can shoot a fucking porno.”

You repositioned yourself back to where you were, and someone came by to re-oil your ass cheeks. They felt shiny, and you hoped you looked great. Watching the film was going to be humbling, but this was your first time and you were learning so much. 

Johnny took his place behind you, and you felt the familiar, heavy slap of a cockhead on your pussy lips, sticky and exciting. You gasped. He responded, 

“That’s right, hen. It’s time for your reward.”

He began to feed his head into you, and the crown of it popped into your hole with some resistance. Behind you, his thick fingers spread your cheeks apart, and you felt one hand leave just to return in a sharp smack. You cried out louder. He sank in a little deeper, moaning right along with you. He slapped your ass again and growled,

“Fuuuuuuck, that’s too tight, that’s too tight. Oh, Jesus.”

You keened, embarrassed, but unable to stop the noise that came out of your mouth. 

“You like it, lass? Gettin’ this pretty little cunt all stretched out for me. Gonna make you beg for this cock and only this fuckin’ cock, ain’t that right?”

“Yeah,” you moaned, your voice straining, “Only this cock, baby. Fuck me nice and hard.”

You regretted every word because he was pleased to oblige you. He slammed himself down into your aching hole, pressing through your walls, through your wetness and the oil and the lube, and it still wasn’t enough. You felt like you were tearing apart, especially when he pressed you onto his hilt. 

Everything slowed way down. You saw white, for a moment, and you felt tears well up in your eyes, burning on their way down your cheeks. He was trying to ease you though it, but you were coming on him. Your whole body was shaking and trembling, and his girth was forcing an orgasm to rattle through your core. You even felt him fighting to stay inside of you, battling against your tightening walls, desperate to keep his position, nestled at your womb, deep within you. 

“Oh, fuck! Lass! Holy God, that pussy is tight. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

You felt him slap you again, but the sting was gone. Your body had flooded you with orgasmic endorphins and adrenilne, and it was going to take a lot more than a “light spanking” to get your attention away from the cosmic nova exploding in your belly. 

Johnny’s thrusts were that of a hungry beast. He didn’t falter, nor slow, nor stop to check and see if you were even still alive. He was chasing himself down inside of you like a dog with its tail. Over and over and over, you felt the heavy weight of him pushed forward, smacking into you, feeling his hips snap repeatedly spearing your core with his enormous rod. He was grunting with abandon now, just barking out cries along with you, and when you looked at him over your shoulder, his face was bent and twisted in such a rage that it frightened you. He looked inhuman.

Suddenly, you were lifted from the couch, and his hands were around you. He flipped you over and held your thighs pressed down to your chest, creating an even deeper angle. You regained your thoughts quickly enough to hold your legs pinned for him, only half-worried that you’d tumble off the couch. 

You weren’t sure it was possible though, since his grip on your waist was so punishingly tight. He was fucking you so hard and so fast that you were feeling it in your bones. Your hips were taking the brunt of his sex-fueled wrath, and you knew you were going to be sore tomorrow. 

Then, his fingers found your clit, rubbing accurate and pleasure-filled circles around and around, making your lips swell with intensity. You were going to come again, and you told him so,

“Johnny… you’re gonna make me come, baby.”

“Come,” he snarled down at you, his eyes wild and haunted, “Come on me. I wanna feel you fuckin’ squeeze me out. Come. Come. Come, lass. Come for me, pretty girl. Oh! Oh, there it is. Yes, yes, yes, good girl. Good girl. Fuck!”

He rode you through your orgasm and stalled, leaving himself inside of your fluttering walls, basking in the sensation, trying to catch his breath. Johnny sat on the couch and you climbed into his lap, taking his cock in your hands and guiding it back into your dripping hole. 

“Bonnie,” he sighed, kissing your neck and grabbing your ass in both of his hands, “You feel like heaven. God, baby, don’t stop. Just like that, don’t stop.”

You were rocking back and forth on him, and you could feel his swollen head rubbing at the end of your pussy, bullying your cervix, making you feel too full. 

“It’s too much, baby,” you confessed, squishing your breasts together and letting him move his mouth across your nipples once again, “You’re too big. Filling me up… I’m so full.”

“You’re so tight, lass.”

He said it like a prayer. His eyes were glassy as they stared up at you. All of his bravado and flirtatiousness was gone, and it had been replaced by boyish wonder. It was as if it was his first time to feel the inside of a woman, to be hugged, warm and wet, engulfed in her core and playing within her the oldest song known to man. You sang it for him, not for profit anymore. His bewtichment was complete. You were totally and completely ensnared by him. 

Then, he held you to him, clutching you to his chest and screaming out loud, braying and writhing beneath you. He was coming. You felt him pulse, over and over, spilling and foaming and frothing around the edges of your hole, soaking you from the inside. 

You rode him slowly, back down from his high, and he gasped with every roll of your hips, looking at you in some sort of horrible ecstasy. 

Mike’s bell went off in your ear.

“Okay, folks! Thanks so much. Let’s wrap it. I’m sure some of this is salvageable. Johnny, and uh… whatever your name is, you still owe me garden scene six and upstairs… um, is it pool table? It’s pool table. Wanna be back here tomorrow at two?”

Johnny gave an exhausted thumbs up, and so did you, finally sliding yourself off of him with a wet milky sound. 

“Um,” you tried to catch your breath, “Thanks, for helping me today. Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

He looked at you quizzically, almost a little hurt. It was a confusing face to see, but you didn’t really know him that well, so you waited for his reply.

“Sure, bonnie.”

You untangled your legs from him and pulled on your robe, leaving him on the couch. You needed a shower and some brand of fast food, as soon as physically possible. 

The bathroom was steaming when you hopped in, and you were covered head to toe in coconut smelling soap when you heard a knock at the door. 

“Uh, come in?” You peeked around the glass partition.

It was Johnny. 

“Got room for one more, lass?”

You looked around behind him, half-expecting a camera to pop out. He noticed your reticence, and he shook his head,

“Nevermind. Forget I asked.”

“Hey, yeah. Sure, if you want. Come on in,” you moved deeper into the shower, letting him step into the billowing steam. 

At first, he was silent, just washing himself, scraping the suds over his body and sharing the water with you. But, then, he asked,

“Wanna get a bite? I’m starvin’ to death.”

“Me, too,” you laughed. 

“Class,” he smiled.

There was another long pause, and then when you turned off the water, he stepped into your space, too close to be friendly, 

“What if I was still hungry for you as well, hen? What would you say to that?”

The water dripped from the head of the shower in a soft tinkling pattern. You breathed each other’s breaths, inching closer and closer until your lips touched his wide chest, the hair smeared flat from the warm water, rivulets rushing down his belly to his crotch, dripping off of him and of you. 

You kissed his chest again, feeling him shudder under you as if he hadn’t just come inside of you minutes ago, packed with anxious excitement. 

Smiling up at him, you took a chance, 

“Your couch or mine?”

Chapter 02

[raydom-gamer]

So I had this dream and I think all of Twisted Wonderland fandom would enjoy the chaos.

Reader is attempting to be gender-neutral. Suggestive theme, talk about laying eggs, possible hermaphrodite Malleus (depending on your gender) and way too much detail for the stupidity of Malleus wanting dirty talk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Years after graduating from NRC and marrying the love of your life, Malleus. There were trials and tribulations dealing with being a human on a fae throne. You have had your ups and downs with faes not quite accepting you but appreciating how you pull out the more gentler side of the draconian bloodline. Maleficent not happy but acceptant of her grandson's spouse due to the energetic and joyful life you bring to the melancholy castle. Malleus showing is happy bubbly side more often making him more approachable but not less intimidating.

The kingdom is in a weird balance knowing that dragons only has one mate for life and the unknowns of a possible Dragon Human heir. The kingdom tends to whisper amongst each other in both common and fae tongue. You begin to notice that whenever your people are discussing something that they're concerned will upset you or the king (mostly the king if you're upset) they switched to fae in order to have more of a private conversation.

Although you are not blood to the throne, this is still your kingdom and you want to make sure that if there are underlying issues that could be solved but they're worried about it then you should be one of the first to know of this issue. That's when you brought the idea to your husband that the two of you should in secret teach you how to speak fae.

Malleus was a bit taken aback by your request but was happy at the thought of you speaking in his mother tongue. The two of you agree that these lessons should be private during the evenings, in case you mispronounce something that was unintentionally insult and get the gossip mill running. You began to notice how your husband enjoyed your lessons together given how vigorous he was with you later in the night after the lessons. Malleus had always been the type that got delighted when talking or doing things that he was proud or passionate of.

This began your normal routine of 3 times a week of the two of you spending time teaching you new words and correctly making sentences in the correct pronunciation. Many evenings have been spent with him correcting your sentence and the joy that would light up in his eyes when you would pronounce it right. Even the notes that he had written in his mother tongue to help him keep track of what you've completed and work on the building blocks of your new language. Malleus thrilled with your progress during those nights that he would get you to properly talk about mundane things that it was not uncommon for you to wake up satisfied and sore.

You yourself were quite proud that not only your husband but the very king of this beautiful country was teaching you and praising you, verbally and physically. You knew eventually you would gain the courage to try out your new tea time conversation in the hopes of being able to respond back properly to someone else then your husband but for now you were quite content with your lessons.

Of course as time went by your confidence in the language grew the point that when Lilia had stopped by the castle for one of his visits for your personal bodyguard and his dearest son. You've known Lilia for almost as long as you've known your own husband and figured if anyone would have the patience for a conversation with a newbie in fae speak that he is your bat fae. So you had requested a private alone time to have tea in the garden with Lilia. You and Lilia caught up with each other's lives. Lilia telling you about what odd adventures, he's gone on since he retired. You with the random squabbles between tradition and acceptance of the new generation of things.

You decided that this would be the best time to ask Lilia if he'd be willing to attempt a fae conversation with you. Lilia both surprised and a little proud joyfully accepted and wanted to know what your lessons were about in order to figure out what you know and what you don't. You had picked up the notebook of Malleus's teaching for your lessons and handed it to Lilia explaining the contents. Lilia asked for a dry run first just to understand your stance in the language. So in fae, you had asked him "if he would like to have a particular type of tea leaf or the castles daily blend of tea leaves?"

Lilia's eyes widen as his face slightly flushed. He asks you to repeat what you had said common tongue. As you do, you see in his eyes a spark of concern, confusion and a hint of amusement as you spot his fangs poking out from his crooked grin then asking "If Malleus is the only one giving you lessons?" After replying in the affirmative that besides him, Malleus is the only one to hear you speak in this language. Lilia grabs the notebook starts flipping through it. He flips the book over and asks "If you're able to read anything that is on here?" You tell him unfortunately "No, you've been only trying to learn verbal and Malleus usually reads any fae scripture to you." Lilia asks you to say another sentence that you are confident in stating. You in fae language tell Lilia "How lovely the weather has been for your tea time."

As you finish your statement you hear a snort as Lilia falls off of his chair laughing a deep gut wrenching laugh. He's coughing and hacking and wheezing from his place on the cobblestone ground of the gazebo where you both have been under. You start raising your voice while asking Lilia "If he is okay and What is so funny?" You're worried that maybe you have pronounced something so wrong that the old bat face is laughing at your naivety.

The commotion of your raised voice and the strangled laughs that could be mistaken for a painful cry causes you to hear the clanking of armor as Silver rounds the corner to see his father on the ground. Silver runs to his dad to make sure that he's okay and asks you "What has happened?" while looking suspiciously at the food and drink on the table.

You tell Silver how the two of you were just discussing things and how you wanted to try to have a conversation in the fae tongue instead of common but you think that you've said something to cause Lilia to be laughing at you till his face is a reddish purple color while wincing every time his ribs move from over use.

Silver asks you "What you had said to him?", hoping that his father is not picking on you. You repeated the two sentences back to Silver and see the absolute look of horror on his normally stoic face. Silver looks around hoping in the hopes of no other prying ears in this situation before looking back at you. He only asks "If Malleus was the one to have these lessons with you?" When you reply "Yes", Lilia points at the notebook on the table and proceeds to to continue laughing in the most painful way that you know he's going to be sore later. Silver looks at the notebook that is already open. As Silver began reading he quickly covered his mouth but one glance at you had him busting up laughing like his father and using the table to trying keep himself from falling to the ground.

Upon this you have now realized that your husband may have not been telling you the truth about the conversations the two of you have been having during your evening sessions. You feel your attitude twisting into aggravation and annoyance similar to the storm clouds above turning a bit aggressive.

You start rewinding all of your lessons in your head and start to notice that certain words and phrases seem to get your husband's attention a lot more interested then it should have. Unfortunately for you at the time you had just taken this as a sign of your growing progress. As you are looking at two of the stronger life forms wheezing and laughing heavily, much to your bruised egos dismay. As you turn to Silver with concern on your face, you were about to ask him specifically what you had said only to be interrupted. A ball of green lights flutter away like fireflies gently explodes as both Malleus and Sebek are now standing in the gazebo. You and Malleus make eye contact as the anger pours in your heated glare towards your husband.

In the castle ~~~~~~~~~ Malleus point of view

Moments before the king and his personal bodyguard had shown in front of you. They had spotted what they thought were their comrade and mentor in complete distress while you stood there helplessly. Sebek wondering "If someone had poison or tampered with the edible items on the table."

Malleus feels heat rise to his face at the very thought of someone hurting his beloved spouse but also the fea who raised him with the son and the human he considers his own brother. Sebek noticing the previously lovely mid spring day growing dark as the thunderclouds start to roll in, realizing that his King is agitated. Sebek tries to calm Malleus down by reminding him that "If something like that is happening then his spouse would have gone and gotten help immediately instead of standing there watching them."

Malleus on the other hand is not too sure about that given his hearing he can hear the strangle cries of Lilia and the gasp from Silver while also hearing your own heartbeat and breathing erratic. Fear shot through Malleus as he sees Silver leaning over the tea table and quickly covering his mouth before almost collapsing himself. Malleus sees the distress on your face as you turn to Silver. Sadness, anger, distress, bitterness and fear. Things he never wants to ever see on your beautiful face but there it was and he was not going to let it continue if he has the ability to stop it.

Malleus couldn't take it anymore and hooked his arm around Sebek's shoulders pulling him close as he teleports both of them into the gardens gazebo. As the two land, Malleus takes a quick glance around to see if anything is suspicious before meeting the love of his life's eyes that shoot daggers towards him.

Gardens gazebo ~~~~~~~~~

Green. Beautiful, electric green eyes that for years that you've never once gotten tired of gazing towards them and watching the emotions that filter out. Right now, you see nothing but concern and confusion while you glare furiously at the dragon that has the audacity to trick you while thinking that you would never catch on.

Your first thought is to question Malleus in his (possibly) inappropriate behavior of teaching you a language incorrectly but knowing that he could just lie and say that that you were pronouncing it. You decide that your dear husband deserves to be caught up in a trap with witnesses that will have no way out of it. Thinking about it for a minute you realize that there is one word that seem to catch both Silver's and Lila's attention that also your dear husband was particular about you pronouncing correctly.

Silence.

Both Lilia and Silver stopped laughing immediately as they both glance your way. One of the men waiting for the amusement and chaos to rain while the other trying to figure out which fae or human to save from the situation. Sebek horrified and beat red in the face looks between you and his mentor.

Malleus with his jaw dropped with a look of betrayal as his eyes begin to water a bit. He knew that you and Lilia really had a good relationship but he had hoped you only save that kind of conversation with him. Especially after those wonderful late night conversat- oh, WAIT! THAT WAS FACE TONGUE!

Malleus's eyes scan the area and sees his notebook on the tea table open. Malleus's goes pale in the face as he turns back to you and that's when he sees it. That bitter anger that you only give him when he is going to be thrown out of his bed chambers into the shed. You had specifically built a shed in the garden for him to live in when you are crossed with him. Malleus avoids that shed like the plague haven't already spent a few nights in it after you refused to open the door despite his many pathetic pleas and his remorseful dragon chirping. He is going to use the wise wisdom that you bestowed on him back in college that "You can't punish someone, if you can't catch them." Malleus realizing the writing on the wall takes a step back, only to be cut off by a question that unfortunately convicts him of his crime.

Sebek still hot red in the face demands an explanation as to "Why you and his mentor would be talking about such inappropriate things?" You turn turn to Sebek and ask "What exactly was appropriate about what you said?" Sebek snaps his gaze at you extremely irritated he's talking about the fact that "YOU WERE TALKING EITHER TALKING ABOUT CHICKENS OR MALE GENITALS TO EACH OTHER!" You ask "If this was the word you were using as you speak in fae tongue." As Sebek was about to answer truthfully, he gets cut off by a hand gripping his shoulder almost bending the metal of his armor from strength of the grip. Sebek looks over to see his King in complete distress then confirms by the look on your face that he should stop talking.

That was all the confirmation you needed. You quickly close the gap between you and Malleus feeling the heat of rage boiling your blood. As you were toe to toe with Malleus, you look up fuming at him and begin to demand "Why the word tea is apparently a new version of the word cock?!" As you chew into Malleus, he lets go of Sebek's shoulder then takes a step back and runs as fast as you can away from you.

You yell at Malleus for running away from his problems but appreciate slightly that he is still respecting 'your don't teleport away from me when we're talking about things you don't like rule.'

Tying up Loose Ends/ background people ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This unfortunately this is how Maleficent gets to see her grandson running away from their human spouse yelling about tea and cock. While being chased after her grandson's personal bodyguard, who is trying to explain that he misheards you and the word was definitely "TEA!" As he is being chased by your personal bodyguard, who is explaining that Sebek is lying and that you should not use the words that Malleus had taught you to the public while he is caring that obnoxious bat over his shoulder. Who at this point is making very distressed goose honking noises from his body overloading from laughter of the situation.

Maleficent then took it upon herself to teach you the fae tongue due to her grandson's in an adequacy of intelligence that she blames did not come from her bloodline. Within 6 months you are very fluent in fae tongue and enjoy having deep meaningful conversations with the older feas, who have and will not be learning common tongue.

The only unfortunately soul of this situation was Malleus because besides being thrown out sleep in the shed for two weeks before being allowed back into his bed chambers with you. Also you have made it very clear that you will never be talking dirty to him in fae tongue as a permanent punishment for being dumb enough to think that you would never have a conversation with someone else, knowing perfectly well that that was the point of you learning it.

You're still very mortified though at the fact that you now know the full extent of the statements you had told those men (mostly Lilia and Silver, who both told you not to worry about it because they are used to the outrageous behavior of Malleus). Only when Lilia had heard about the three eggs that was laid from the two of you making the next generation of the royal line did he have some fun. Lilila decided to make some very funny comments from the previous statements, you have given him during that tea causing him personal details of your bedroom activities.

This resulting in a very upset dragon who has been kicked out of his bedroom/nest due to his spouses embarrassment. Malleus then spents his time begging to be allowed into his bedroom and when that does not work he then teleports to the bat's own residence. Malleus yells for hours about how he's still being punished for something that happened years ago. Things his human spouse enjoys when they are left with way too much free time and no supervision. Lilia on the other hand now regrets making his jokes about your bedroom activities because of having to deal with a disgruntled dragon who is making his punishment Lilia's punishment now.

And that's all I have of that dream I had that I can remember. Sorry if it's a little choppy, I was trying to recall everything because this is something that I think is goofy enough to happen if you're in a romantic relationship with Malleus who decided his lizard brain was only going to run at half capacity.

Also I know this alphabet is not fae tongue but I want to tell at least make it very clear for the dialogue of what's happening. This is the alphabet I used.

[midnightbears]

✿ and what would you do, baby, if you only knew? that i can see you!

— in which your neighbor colonel alejandro vargas has certainly become comfortable in watching you through his window...

#STARRING. alejandro vargas. rodolfo parra. ft. fem!reader

#TAGS. nswf. perv!alejandro. masturbating. english is not my first language

#NOTES. FIRST TIME WRITING THIS KIND OF THING PLEASE BEAR WITH ME IDK IF ITS GOOD

© midnightbears on tumblr, june 2024. please do not repost to another platform, plagiarize, translate, use for AI-related purposes or claim as your own.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who didn't realize a pretty little thing had moved to the house beside his until rodolfo pointed out the newly planted lilies inside the pots bordering the newbie's house.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who, despite his disciplined exterior, develops a guilty pleasure in watching his attractive new neighbor. he rationalizes it as ensuring the neighborhood's safety! but deep down, he knows it's more personal.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who sets up his morning coffee ritual by the window, where he has a perfect view of your front yard and your window room. it becomes part of his daily routine to check if you’re outside, tending to your garden or just enjoying the sun. especially when you're wearing those shorts that fit you like skin...

pervert neighbor! alejandro who finds excuses to be outside whenever you are. he'll check the mail, water his plants, or pretend to fix something just to catch a glimpse of your sweet self or exchange a few words. and what a devious little thing you are; all saccharine smiles and overly promiscuous necklines, you bake cookies for your neighbors but don't notice the way men ogle at you with the skimpy clothes you own.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who becomes hyper-aware of anyone else who approaches you. alejandro tells himself it’s just his military training. he's just looking out for you, he swears, but there’s an underlying jealousy when he sees you with others. he tries to convince himself he's just being cautious, but the truth is, he loathes seeing you with anyone else.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who curses under his breath when, one night, you come out of the shower and enter your room as naked as the day you were born, not realizing that the colonel can see every little bit of you through your window because you've forgotten to close the blinds... how silly of you.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who starts fisting his cock like a madman, wishing it was your sweet mouth instead of his hand. and he pulls and tugs and hisses while you innocently meander about in your bedroom, taking oh so long in finding your garments for the night... and when you do, you slip into your lacy nightgown as if you were putting a fucking show for someone, and he cums inside his hand with a slow moan, throwing his head back.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who regains his composure only to see you lay down in your bed, one of your hands shyly traveling across your chest and ribcage, fluttering above your stomach, down your belly button... and finally between the place where you need it most.

pervert neighbor! alejandro who, my fucking god, is completely entranced with how you make a spectacle of yourself, blood rushing straight to his dick and bringing it back to life.