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jq37 · 8 months

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 4 Shrimp and Strudel

Welcome back to the Report Card where we’re gonna waste no time with just getting into it as the last ep ended on a big cliffhanger.

We pick up where we left off–Kristen talking to Cass who is petting Kalina–currently in her cat form and claiming that she’s not bad anymore (with a verbal “meow” which is so unsettling/funny). Kristen isn’t buying it but it’s not a crazy claim. If Cass is bad, she should be bad and if Cass is good, likewise.

Good or bad, she is still very eyes on the prize and immediately starts grilling Kristen on what her plans are as Cass’s sole cleric–a fair question considering she’s all that stands between Cass (and Kalina by extension) and oblivion. Cass tries to keep the peace between her familiar and her cleric and even gives Kristen an out: she’s gotten invitations to quit being a god and be an archfey of the Autumn Court instead. But Kristen doesn’t seem to want to take it. She says she does believe in Cass but she’s kind of hard to evangelize for because her whole deal is a hard pill to swallow even if it’s more true and deeper than the certainty other religions provide. Kalina’s eyes narrow and she says that Kristen’s a shitty saleswoman.

Kalina instead wants to go with a pitch of, “Hey? Do you wanna wield sick ass night magic and crush your enemies?” Which Kristen thinks is kind of a betrayal of Cass’ whole ethos. Kalina thinks they can quibble over details once Cass has more than TWO followers (shoutout Craig) and Cass on one level gets where Kristen is coming from but on a deeper level REALLY doesn’t wanna die. She says that their plans aren’t actually conflicting and they can work on both of them! She asks Kristen when she has the bandwidth to talk about this and Kristen is like, right now! All she cares about is Cass…and her campaign. Kalina is clearly so over this and reminds Cass that though they can’t actually go to the material plane, there are places they can talk to mortals outside of the material plane like the Synod of Spyre (wizard hub where they incidentally just put in a new mall!). Wizards like magic and mystery and stars, right? Cass is all about all of those things! It’s an untapped market!

A plan is set for them to head to the mall over the weekend and Kristen sincerely apologizes for dropping the ball and hurting Cass’s feelings. Cass tells her that she doesn’t need to be sorry, that she’s there for her when things are uncertain, and that she believes in her. She kisses Kristen on the forehead and sends her back to school.

At lunch, Adaine tries to call Aelwyn but gets her answering machine. Aelwyn texts to ask what’s up (she’s in class “looking after bozos”) and Adaine says she’ll call her later. She texts an “I love you” and then deletes it, causing a torrent of divination spells to come in as Aelwyn tries to figure out what the deleted message was.

Before Fabian heads to lunch, he has a banking interlude with his banker at KVX (Alston) who tells him his trust is worth 20 million gold and he gets an allowance of 5k gold a month. Rich as he is, Fabian is staggered by the amount of money and asks if there’s a way to cash it all out now. Alston says that due to a clause left by his dad (meant to encourage him to forge his own path), he can cash out 2 million but then the rest would go to his various nemeses (with a small cut to the bank). They apparently have a whole department just for tracking the nemeses of their clients. Chungledown Bim is listed as one of Fabian’s nemeses so he immediately shuts down talk of cashing out. Chungledown Bim with 18 million gold? Terrifying. Alston offers Fabian a free trial of Nemesis Alert which lets you know if anyone on your planet has sworn vengeance on you but Fabian declines, having the foresight to know that he’ll forget to cancel.

Once everyone is at lunch, Riz uses the Message cantrip to tell everyone that Kipperlily Copperkettle (KP) was spying on them and overheard them talking about Kristen’s god dying. They look around to check if she’s spying on them right down and don’t see her but, on a Nat 20, Fabian senses…something. He immediately signs up for that free trial of nemesis alert and is told that no one has sworn vengeance on him in the last 30 days (but what about before that Alston???? What about before 30 days ago?????). Adaine turns on her wizard feature that lets her see invisibility and walks around the cafeteria, but doesn’t clock anyone.

Gorthalax shows up to hype up the boys for Bloodrush tryouts later in the day and Fabian asks about the Rat Grinders. Gorthalax says that their Barbarian (Mary Ann) is trying out later and offers to tell them where the name comes from. It’s just what we speculated last week. These posers are literally level grinding! They’re farming XP by going to the woods just outside of school (Where the week 2 freshman go to practice) and killing rats, spiders, and twig gremlins. They made it to Junior Year by just killing rattatas on route 1! Apparently, they do this for 3 hours at the end of every day and 9 hours every weekend. Riz is HISSING with rage at how against the spirit of the rules this is. But here’s the thing. Grinding low level monsters to get this far is very uncool. But the focus it takes? Kind of impressive. And that thought strikes Riz through the rage.

After lunch, Gorgug goes to talk to Henry Hopclap (gnomish Artificer teacher with the same last name as the Rat Grinder bard btw). He sees an equation on the board and tries to have a Good Will Hunting moment but ends up just trying to solve for Henry’s email address and phone number. Minor mathematical blunder aside, Henry tells Gorgug that he actually approved his MCAT, but Porter had the last word. He tells Gorgug that he doesn’t actually have to be an Artificer in a school sanctioned capacity just because he’s passionate about it. He can just do it on his own time. But Gorgug is determined so Henry tells him that there’s technically another way: he can take three years of Artificing at the same time and withdraw from Barbarian classes.

I took psychic damage from hearing that and I took even more when Gorgug decided to do that AND take Barb classes (which Henry says that he can do but he has to run that by Porter).

Though Henry is way more supportive than Porter, he still tells Gorgug that this is gonna be an uphill battle. Junior Year artificing is already very hard and there’s never been a Barb/Art multiclass at Aguefort before. Like Porter, he says that he doesn’t really see how the passion you need to be a good Barbarian and the dispassionate focus you need to be a good Artificer mesh together, but he’s rooting for him. The other students filter in and, based on how well equipped they are, it seems like our boy has a lot of catching up to do.

Meanwhile, Fabian gets the other half of his MCAT paperwork signed off by his Fighting teacher (Corsisca Jones who looks a LOT like Aabria who played her younger sister Antiope Jones in The Seven) with barely any conversation or pushback about it. Must be nice!

During a break period, the Bad Kids are hanging out on the quad. Riz and Kristen work together on Kristen’s paperwork and his applications for as many clubs as possible while they both down coffee. Fig is trying to see if she can figure out where in time the fossils Ayda sent her are from so she can send a message but she’s beaten to punch when a weary knight from “Order of the Sacred Scroll” shows up with a message his order has protected for 1500 years. One that he killed his brother for peeking at. One that he’s devoted his life to. Fig opens it up and it’s literally just a “Love you, Miss you,” postcard from Ayda.

Porter (who we learn loves Fig despite the fact and honestly largely because of the fact that she hates him and he appreciates a good rage) shows up and Gorgug goes to tell him that he’s going to triple down on his classes. His friends say that he’s really smart and he can handle it. Porter says that he’ll let Gorgug do it if one of his friends audits the class with him to help him and Fig happily agrees.

After school, Aelwyn calls Adaine and we learn exactly what kind of teacher Aelwyn is as she says that she got sent to the principal’s office for making some of her students cry. Thank you for letting her stay in Elmville, Brennan. Anyway, Adaine rattles off the list of insanely expensive things she needs for class and Aelwyn suggests some solutions: (1) They can find and kill their mom in order to inherit, (2) they can sell drugs, (3) they can sell weapons, (4) Adaine can maybe…get a job? Adaine doesn’t know how to get a job and asks Aelwyn how she got hers. Apparently, she blackmailed the principal. With what, asks Adaine. Photographs Aelwyn says with a coy smile and Adaine requests that Aelwyn not enlighten her any further. Adaine laments the fact that she had to give up all her dragon madness gold and then signs off with a verbal “I love you” that she tries to take back. Aelwyn pounces on it like one of her five cats. “I heard you say it!” she says with a villainous laugh. “I win. You've exposed yourself to me.” She hangs up and, once again, Brennan, thank you.

We cut to Bloodrush tryouts where Fabian gives an honestly really good speech to the team and prospective recruits (tres Jammer). Riz is also at tryouts because, remember, he’s trying out for literally everything. We see a drow student (Hexblade Warlock Max Durden) give a really good showing and Riz give a not so great performance. Then, Mary Ann Skuttle shows up–the Barbarian of the Rat Grinders who’s this tiny kobold girl with aesthetic, kawaii plushies on her backpack. None of that energy is on her face though and she seems very unenthused to be there, answering all questions with short, monotone answers. On the field though? She’s a monster. She absolutely bodies Gorgug, sending him flying across in the field in a way that no one has before (Brennan says that he needed to beat a 33). And she didn’t even get a running start! Gorthalax is thrilled to get her on the team so that they can finally beat their rivals (the Hellions). Riz uses one of his gadgets to cast detect magic and sees that she was buffed with magic (but that’s not illegal in Bloodrush). Gorthalax breaks the news to him that he didn’t make the team and he just runs to the next club on his list. Gotta pad that resume!

After school, Kristen meets up with Bucky who has a lot of the same energy she had on her first day. He’s a Helioic Paladin as we suspected and he’s been telling people they’re going to hell. Kristen doesn’t *love* that but she does tell Bucky to campaign for KP while he’s proselytizing to try to poison the waters a bit. Bucky says that he really misses her and that he hasn’t told their parents about all the gold she sent. Kristen tries to convince him that maybe the concept of hell they grew up with isn’t real, but that’s hard to argue when two separate devils (Fig and Gorthalax) are literally in the room with them. Bucky recognizes the Rat Grinders symbol on the pin Kristen gives him and says the new Helioic cleric from Highcourt (who their parents love) has one of those. We don’t get any more info from him though because Kristen drops an F bomb in front of him and he runs away like a scared puppy.

Fabian drops some hints that he’s lonely in his big empty house so the gang heads to Seacaster Manor for a study party. They Doordash some pad thai and Adaine gets a text from Aelwyn which has a link to job listings at the Synod mall. On a pretty low Investigation check (6) she finds an ad for a place called Oodles of Strudel that pays 2 silver a day and doesn’t require a resume, just an interview.

A lot happens during this study party so I’m gonna go through it rapid fire:

Kristen tells everyone that Kalina is back.

Riz learns (as a residual part of his 30 Investigation roll from last ep) that party comp is announced at the end of their first day and if it changes (ie: someone leaves the party or dies) everyone else goes pass/fail which excludes them from extra credit which would exclude them from scholarships and such. So everyone has to stick together and not die!

Adaine goes to the Synod mall and interviews with a dude named Biff at Oodles of Strudel (where they pump strudel in from a strudel dimension because sure). She gets the job! Though idk if that’s worth celebrating because it’s 8 hour shifts and she has to work the night shift because of school.

Fabian texts Mazey and determines that if he’s going to be a maximum legend like he wants, he has to host a party on the first weekend back and he’s committed.

Fig, shockingly, goes to class AGAIN. It must have been cut from last episode but she learned that warlock classes meet at night and decided to check them out. The teacher is a hot vampire lady with a celestial paramour patron so Fig is like, all in right away. Not only that, she rolls a Nat 20 to catch up and it turns out that, as we already know, when she’s dialed in, she’s really good at this stuff! Plus, warlock is a charisma class and she has charisma for days. With warlocks it seems like it’s all about paperwork but really it’s about relationships, bargains, and exchange. As Zara tells Fig after class is over, these are things that everyone deals with every day, the power is just more potent when the bargains are struck consciously. Zara says she’ll approve her MCAT if she wants and Fig, eager to avoid work on her Sophomore album and genuinely taken by the class, agrees.

Ragh shows up at the manor and Adaine asks how Tracker is doing. He says she’s doing great and the four months of night were honestly great for her whole situation as cleric of the moon goddess. Kristen GRILLS his ass about the “bitch on her lap” on her socials and Ragh (who was supposed to let Tracker break this news but cracks under Kristen’s manic energy) says it’s her new girlfriend, elven princess Naradriel–Nara for short (another girl with a dog name Kristen laments as though her first girlfriend isn’t named TRACKER). Ragh says Nara has been trying to have Tracker and her go Facebook official for a while and that photo she saw was her compromise. Kristen gives Rgh the go-ahead to tell Tracker she can reach out. Ragh says she’s cooler than Nara and he’s rooting for her.

And that’s about it! The next week is hella busy for the whole crew. School crashes down on them like a tidal wave. There’s their actual classes, extracurriculars, and the campaign which everyone is super invested in. They recruit Torek Railgrinder (skater dwarf in the LGBT club and Drama club) to build a ramp off Fabain’s roof so Kristen can ride it off his roof into the pool which he will have filled with tartar sauce because it’s going to be the Ultimate Shrimp Party obviously. The party planning is also in full swing and EVERYONE is invited. That includes freshmen, Hudol kids, even cool middle schoolers. Ragh is buying them beer. The idea is that they can two birds this and make Fabian a Maximum Legend and Kristen super cool at the same time so people will vote for her.

(Also, this doesn’t matter to the plot but Kristen gives a campaign speech at a steel mill for some reason–like a steel mill with adult workers–where Kristen is injured by a buzzsaw and Fig is once again questioned by Agent Clark (who she throws off the scent by saying Wanda left for the Red Waste). Not plot relevant but I HAD to mention it for the sake of posterity.)

But we quickly see the seams start to show. Fabian is forced to skip Bloodrush practice so he can set up the party. Adaine gets the new work schedule and sees that she has to work during the party. She texts Fabian that she has to work but she’ll show up later and doesn’t get a response back. Then she texts everyone else to ask if Fabian is mad at her.

We follow Adaine to work where she’s met by none other than Kalina (in tabaxi form) who is there handing out pamphlets with Cassandra. She asks if Kristen is on her way and Adaine doesn’t know what she’s talking about. As far as she knows, Kristen can’t even get to the Synod without her help. Kalina asks if she can go grab her but Adaine says she’s at work and she can’t just leave.

Back at the Manor, Kristen gets a brain ping from Cass who asks Kristen if she’ll be there soon. Kristen is full deer in headlights–she didn’t realize that she was supposed to be helping with that. She thought she was Team Material Plane and they were Team Synod. (And, in fairness to her, in this instance I understand how she could have thought that if the only conversation they had about this was the one that we saw but wild that they wouldn’t check in day before when Cass can talk in her mind) She quickly tries to finesse the situation and claims that with such a big crowd gathered, she’ll be able to spread the word to tons of people. Cass is briefly excited until she sees through Kristen’s eyes that her supposed recruitment drive is actually an Ultimate Shrimp Party.

Back at the mall, Adaine watches red light burst through Cass’s chest as she cries out in pain and collapses to the ground. At Kalina’s behest, Adaine texts Kristen to get her ass to the mall right away. The non-Adaine Bad Kids try to make a plan to save the party–maybe Fig can do the shrimp jump disguised as Kristen–but the situation at the mall gets more dire. Cassandra, still in agony, yells, "This isn't fair!" She bleeds indigo and the light from her chest sails out and hits a nearby wizard. That wizard grows crazed and buff and kills his friend by smashing his skull open with his quarterstaff. Kalina is horrified. Adaine is horrified. The other mall patrons are horrified–the ones who aren’t getting possessed at least. Cass is on all fours, growing larger, and there are three more of those red light things coming out of her.

Adaine, who now has a special Synod key as an employee, opens a portal so her friends can join her. Everyone (including a kind of reluctant Fabian) joins right as the portal Adaine closes and that’s it for the ep! Next week, showdown at the Synod!

Honor Roll

Kalina for Having Cassandra’s Back

I never thought I’d give this to her but who else is looking out for Cass like Kalina right now? Nobody. I felt so bad for her handing out pamphlets at the mall. I’ve had to do that and it’s NOT fun. I’m glad she has someone sticking up for her and diligently looking out for her interests, even though it’s someone who I referred to as “the bitch” last week, lol.

(Honorable mention to Fig for honestly being a great student. Way to go girl, you might just graduate yet.)

Detention

Aelwyn for Blackmailing the Middle School Principal with Photographs To Get A Job

This is entirely affectionate. Also, unlike Adaine, I’m curious about what the level of blackmail is that allows you to strongarm your way into a job but still subjects you to being reprimanded by the person you’re blackmailing.

((Dis)honorable to Fabian for his rich boy shenanigans which I touch on below.)

Random Thoughts

“Meat mama”

Insane that KVX Bank still exists and they literally just changed their logo from red to blue.

Was anyone else getting Berries and Cream vibes from the new lunch lad? (if you know, you know)

Fig got hurt yet again in this episode and stuck her hand in construction putty. Last episode I called out that both mishaps so far had involved construction equipment but now we’re officially out of two nickels territory and into rule of threes. Brennan, what are you playing at?

She also got food on herself twice (creamed corn and pad thai) and mimed eating it both times. Emilyyyyyyy grossssssss.

Fabian got the confirmation that no one has declared him as a nemesis for the past 30 days but I would have asked for a full list. We know they have one because CDB is from like a year ago at least.

I thought it was odd that Henry said that what was needed for artificing was “dispassionate focus” when I feel like a lot of people I know who tinker irl are actually intensely passionate about what they do.

As a side note, Henry said that Porter couldn’t stop Gorgug from tripling down while taking Barb classes–just that he wanted Gorgug to tell him as a professional courtesy. So I’m not sure why Porter was able to attach a condition to Gorgug’s being there.

Porter’s, “God this sucks” when Gorgug started talking about his feelings was extremely unprofesh but objectively funny.

Actually, roundup of all the funniest parts of this episode:

1)The entire Adaine and Aelwyn conversation but especially (1) The bit about Fig being attached to Ayda’s feathers, (2) Photographs :), and (3) Jawbone no-selling her sinister flirting followed by her immediately moving out.

2)Bloodbath and Beyond

3)Adaine not wanting to use a ladle at her job because of the Trauma (™) from Freshman Year (RIP Doreen).

4)Fabian nodding knowingly when Adaine talks about killing her dad like it’s a normal, relatable experience.

5)“What's the drinking age in Solace, if you're a pirate?”/“You guys have murdered so many people.”

6)“You find Siobhan Thompson.”

Don’t know if this matters but both the Artificing teacher and the Warlock teacher are new hires. Henry is said to be fresh out of college and Zara took over because the last guy (Evan Freem) failed his warlock pact and was devoured. I suspect out of game it’s just so Brennan can bring in interesting new NPCs that fit the plot for this season and he had to retcon whatever names he gave them for the faculty in Freshman Year. Not sure if there’s an in-game angle though.

Brennan asks Fig where she thinks she gets her warlock powers from and she says, “I think it's from my dad or my bloodline or my legacy” That answer isn’t weird but I dunno the fact that he asked about a thing that I thought was already established struck me as off so it’s going on the list of notes.

I loved Fig being rewarded for sneaking her name onto the class list by Zara who rightfully says that when it comes to warlocks, it’s all about what’s on the page. Brennan really invented a teacher to force Fig/Emily to get invested in class.

Kristen trying to talk Bucky out of being scared of hell is another instance of the metaphor of Kristen’s arc brushing up against the reality of their world because some of y’all have *literally* been to hell. This isn’t real life where religion is all nebulous and personal. Hell is a place you can just go and, again, several of you HAVE BEEN. It’s not a silly thing for him to be scared of.

Lol at Adaine who drank half a beer one time getting Bucky starry eyed by her Bad Kid exploits (said exploits being drinking that half a beer).

So the new Helioic Cleric. What’s his deal? Have we been to Highcourt before? I don’t think so but it’s been mentioned as the place that the Applebees want to send their kids for school so they don’t turn out heathens so maybe it’s a bit theocratic or traditional? Also, did the Rat Grinders lose their OG cleric or did they just never have one seeing as they’re just fighting weenie monsters? Why did they suddenly decide to pick up a cleric? To round out their party comp or because they know they’ll be needing one soon? How did they convince this guy to join up with them first day? I wish Kristen had gotten more info but I’m excited to see where this is going.

I wanna get your votes in now. Are the Rat Grinders evil or do their vibes just suck? Because it really could go either way. I really can’t wait to see what the rest of them are like and how they contrast their corresponding BK members.

Sidenote: So far, every time we’ve met a Rat Grinder they’ve been alone. As opposed to the Bad Kids who hang out as much as possible. I wonder if we’re just never catching them together or if they literally don’t hang out when they don’t have to.

The Hangman is so adorable when he’s like, “I don’t wanna do a shrimp jump but if you ask I will because I love you :(“ Big sad puppy energy. Be nicer to your bike Fabian!

Also, I said this in an ask earlier but despite the fact that Adaien’s financial situation isn’t Fabian’s problem–even if he’s 18 he’s still a child–he can’t be mad at her for not going to his party from his pirate ship mansion with his 5000 gold a month allowance. Come on now. The girl is filtering gold flakes from discounted liquor.

I didn’t mention it in the recap proper because school is also kicking my ass right now but we learn in this episode that the Kristen/Tracker breakup was amicable, followed by 3 months of radio silence, followed by WHO IS THAT BITCH ON HER LAP RAGH??? Curious to know what Nara’s vibe is. I want her to be chill but the little disagreement over whether to be public gives me pause. Not that that’s a relationship ender of course, but I’m wondering if it’s meant to hint at further discord or if Tracker just didn't want Kristen to find out like that or something else innocuous.

Nothing was outright stated but for like a second I felt like I caught a vibe that Ragh maybe felt bad about just being used to buy beer? But I could have imagined it.

I really love Kalina being in this episode to just really cut to the heart of the matter re: things involving Cass. Like it’s hard to use humor to deflect when there’s a steely eyed cat there who will just very evenly say exactly what the situation is. I also really love that Kalina can just be casually encountered at the mall. I cannot imagine being Adaine and getting jump scared by that.

(Sidenote: I wonder what Adaine’s other job options were if she didn’t go for the first one she found or if she’d rolled better.)

I know these are high schoolers, full children, but the idea that you would even be thinking about the shrimp party when your friend’s goddess is going supernova and your other friend is already on sight and in danger is WILD to me. People are dying Kim.

I also already said this in another post but my best guess about what’s happening to Cass is that she’s being affected by Kristen’s whole deal–Kristen has been obsessed with getting jacked, hence the buff wizards. It could be something totally different of course but that’s the best connection I can make with the info we currently have.

I understand why this can’t happen mechanically but it seems pretty low commitment to be a follower of Cass and I don’t think she’d be opposed to giving the Bad Kids a level of cleric for their trouble. Like, literally Adaine calling for a medic for Cass is as much if not more than we’ve seen Kristen for her so far this season. Why not help Cass not die and pick up some free healing spells in the process? Like they don’t even need to become clerics, just give them one low level healing spell like magic initiate for the cleric class. It’s not like any of the Bad Kids seem overly religious/like there’s another god they’re loyal to that would prevent them from doing this. Idk man, if I was in this position Cass would just have one more follower is what I’m saying.

#Dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 #d20 spoilers #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #spoilers #the report card #hit the character limit AGAIN lol #this is the last thing I wanted to say: Cass is so nice guys. I hope she’s OK :(

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