#never trust reality shows they edit everything to make it look more dramatic and cause fights that didnt actually happen

[yanankim]

in case we need it in the upcoming bp999 torture

[elatedmarvel]

Arms

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky learns to accept all parts of himself, even the vibranium parts. 

Word Count: 5,353

A/N: This is the longest one shot I’ve ever written, and it took me like a month. (I’m very slow lol). In keeping with BLM and inclusion, please let me know if you feel the reader is described a certain way that is not encompassing of all. I’ve tried my best, but I’m only human and editing is hard. Hope you enjoy!

He remembers when he first woke up with it. 

He could have sworn that he was dead, and he was in hell. All he could feel was pain everywhere, but specifically in his left arm. Pain he had never felt before and now he thinks he’ll feel forever. His parents always joked him that he would go to hell if he didn’t stop flirting with every skirt he saw, and now he wishes he could tell them they were right. 

Voices float above him, but he can’t make out what they’re saying, everything sounds garbled and distorted to his ears. 

It takes a moment for him to realize that the men are speaking in a different language. 

Blinding white lights greet him as he opens his eyes and squints against the harshness. Silhouettes of shapes is all his brain can comprehend, and he blinks a few more times before he is able to actually see.

The dingy room has seen better days. The walls are lined with tile, with mildew and mold in between them. It’s dark everywhere else, except the bright light that shines down on him. 

It’s hard for him to move his head side to side, let alone move the rest of his body, but he tries to wiggle his toes and fingers. 

A metal appendage lays at his left side.

He stares at the foreign object, trying to make sense of the fact that he can feel his left arm, but what he sees is not the limb he remembers.

His brain commands him to lift it, to see if this was real. When it not only moves where he wanted, but he can see his fingers wiggling, he realizes that this is worse than hell. 

He runs his right hand up the entire metal limb, and he can feel the dull sensation. His panic increases the higher he can feel metal. He gets to the edge of his chest before he feels flesh and bone again. 

Gasping, he claws at where the foreign object meets his chest, trying to get it off of him. The more awake he becomes, the more pain radiates from the arm, like his body was rejecting it. 

His sudden movements and noises of pain alert the men in white coats around him. He’s sure his eyes are frantic; he must look like a caged and frightened animal. 

They rush to him, trying to undo the damage he has clawed in.

When they get close enough, he grabs them both by the neck, trying to protect himself. This only causes them to start shouting and the doors burst open.

It’s hard for him to process what is happening, all he feels is adrenaline pumping through his body, and it reacts accordingly.

He can feel the pop of the bones before he hears the sickening crunch. If he was more aware of what was happening, he’s sure he would have thrown up.  

The man he grabbed with his left hand falls to the floor in a heap, unmoving.

In all his time serving with the howling commandos, he’s killed a few people, but never as intimately. He could just pull a trigger, throw a grenade, or stab someone. He’s never had to look them in the eye, and feel the life drain out of him. 

Sweat and fear pour out of his pores now, he didn’t mean to. His hand moved faster than he could react. 

Not his hand, the weapon attached to him now. 

The shouting only gets louder around him, but it’s muffled now. He stares in horror at the metal fingers, and the lifeless body on the floor. 

He can’t even feel when they prick him with a syringe filled with tranquilizer.

The image burns itself into his mind as everything grows dark.  

The next 10-15 years follow the same pattern. 

He wakes up slowly out of cryo. In his groggy state, he panics every time he sees the arm. He goes to claw at his chest where it is connected, but he’s eventually stopped when they realize he’s awake. 

They try to break him. 

Hydra does everything they can, any form of torture. But he’s strong. He resists every attempt, and finally they have had enough.

One day, they plop him in a metal chair and run currents through his skull. 

It takes 2 more years of this before finally he stops scratching at the arm. Before he fully loses himself.

~~~

When he finally escapes from Hydra’s grip, he hates the arm with everything in him. He tries anything he can think of to remove it from his body, short of just cutting into himself more. 

The arm only causes death and destruction. It is synonymous with Hydra and the evil he unwittingly committed. 

He still remembers how they thought they bestowed a great gift upon him, making him into the fist of Hydra. They think they saved him, but they chipped away at his soul until there was barely anything left in him. 

When Shuri was kind enough to erase the trigger words from his brain, she had offered him a new arm. One that was not tainted with the bloody memories of Hydra. 

It took him months of therapy, and many long, late night talks with Steve, Natasha, and Sam to accept the arm. He wanted to repent for the blood he has spilled, intentional or not, and he couldn’t do it with one arm. 

It was beautiful, gun metal grey with gold intertwining the plates. It reminded him of the exhibit that Steve had dragged him to at the Met. 

Kintsugi, Steve had told him. The art of repairing something with gold.

“It was never broken to begin with, just being made whole and better” Steve had said to them as they wandered around. He pretended the tears in his eyes were from the dust in the museum, and lightly punched Steve on the arm. 

~~~

You were in the ring with Sam. 

Someone new, and that scared Bucky. He had slowly built a relationship with the rest of the team in the last few months he had been at the compound, and trust didn’t come easy. Countless nights he would be invited to movies, or dinner and drinks. He turned them all down the first few weeks he had been there. It wasn’t until Sam and Steve literally dragged him to the bar that he started to open up.

You somehow got along with everyone on the team, and had won everyone over in a matter of weeks. You geeked out over the newest electronics with Tony, and tried to help Bruce with his research. Wanda and you had holed up in a room for days binging the newest season of some reality show you loved. Natasha and you had survived multiple Barre classes, something that even made Sam cry. You and Steve had even started painting to Bob Ross videos together. 

It was like there was a you-shaped gap waiting to be filled on the team. 

He watches from his sparring dummy as you tease Sam. You dance around him easily, and dodge out the way of yet another unsuccessful punch. 

His sensitive hearing picks up on Sam’s heavy breathing, but anyone could see the exacerbated rise and fall of his chest, and the buckets of sweat gleaming under the fluorescent lighting. 

You laugh as he tries to distract you with a kick and punch from opposite sides. 

“Nice try birdy” you call out as you evade him once more.

“Stay still!” Sam huffs, he hasn’t felt this out of shape since he was a chubby 13 year old with a love of cheetos and hate of exercise.

In his last effort to take you down, he swipes left and right, never giving up. You move further and further back, unsure how to handle the sudden change in tactics.

You don’t notice how close to the edge of the ring you are. 

Tony, being the dramatic shit he was, decided to build the sparring ring higher up then normal. Like a pedestal he once proclaimed. He wanted all to be able to watch.

Sam and you had forgone putting up the side ropes, wanting to get in as much sparing as possible. 

The fall was probably only a few feet of the ground, but definitely enough to sprain something, or even worse, get a concussion. 

He sees you near the edge, Sam still swinging a way. His lust for revenge prevented him from seeing you were about to fall.

Bucky leaps the 10 feet in between him and you right as your foot falls off the edge. He reaches up and puts most of your weight on his left arm, catching you before you fell to the floor, holding you for a few seconds before slowly bringing you to floor level.

He sets you down gently and almost laughs at the comical expression on your face. Eyes wide and jaw dropped, unable to comprehend what had just happened in the span of a few seconds. 

“I-I… thank you” you stuttered. Stilled flustered by the fall, but even more flustered that it was Bucky that caught you. You two had maybe exchanged 20 words total in the 2 months that you had been on the team. 

Bucky does a once over at you before nodding and walking back to the sparring dummy.

Sam watches this all with amusement, before coming down and offering to buy you ice cream to make up for the fall. 

~~~

Hit. Block. Punch. Duck. Repeat. 

Watching you take down your opponents was like watching a ballet. You were graceful, and lithe. Moving with your counterpart, they never even realized you were a threat until they were out.

Since your fall a month ago, you and Bucky have been growing closer. It was hard not to when you were so light and bright. It blinded him slightly, before he grew accustomed to the warmth he felt when he was near you. Now he never wanted to be parted from it. 

Naturally, when this mission had come up, Bucky had begged Steve to pair you with him. He knew he would only have peace of mind if he was with you at all times.

Not that you needed the help.

About a dozen men lay sprawled around you, and the last three were soon to join their colleagues on the floor. If they weren’t such vile men, he would almost feel bad for them. Being laid to waste by someone who didn’t look like she could hurt a fly. 

He registers the movement about a second too late, his mouth won’t connect to his brain and shout what he wants it to. One of the men you had already taken down lifts his head and arm, he just sees a flash of silver in the man’s palm before he sprints the length of the room. Your back is to him, and you still have 1 more attacker to take down, he takes all of your attention.

It happens in a second. You take your final shot at the henchman and then you see Bucky running to you. You feel the warmth of him as he embraces you, pulling you forward. The momentum causes you to stumble and brings you both down, you on top of him.

The ping of the bullet is thundering in the echoing, concrete room. He barely even registers the feeling before pulling out his gun and shooting the attacker. Watching for a moment to make sure he was actually dead, he looks down at you.

“Bucky” you stutter out, and he can feel your slight tremors. The whiplash must be settling in and the adrenaline wearing off, not a fun combination.

He looks you up and down, and even though he knows he blocked the bullet with his vibranium arm, he can’t help the anxiety that rises in his chest. He doesn’t see anything wrong besides the bruises and small scratches.

Meeting your eyes, it instantly takes the breath out of him. The look of pure awe spread on your face, but he can feel the admiration that is in your eyes,

It takes everything to not close the 5 inch gap to your lips and see if they are as soft as he’s imagined. 

“You ok?” he asks one more time, voice cracking from the dryness in his throat.

You nod up at him, keeping eye contact. 

Without a warning, you press your face into his neck and wrap your arms around him. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you” you say profusely. You move to sit on top of him in a flash and grab his left arm. He’s powerless underneath you as you examine the shiny appendage. 

“Does it hurt?” you ask, wonder in your voice as your fingers graze the sides of his arms. He’s glad for the pain he endured when they fitted him with this new arm, he can feel the softness and warmth of your hands, almost like if it were his own flesh. 

“No” he replies, eyes locked on where you hold his wrist.

Gently, so gently he can barely feel it, you press a kiss to the slight dent where the bullet impacted. Now he swears he’s died and gone to heaven. 

There’s a lingering heat where your lips touched, maybe even burning. 

If his mouth was dry before, it’s now the desert, and he clears his throat before looking away. His face is hot, and he’s thankful for the dim lighting in the basement. 

He misses the sly smirk on your face before you get up and offer your hand to him. 

~~~

After the mission, you had gone with him to get his arm repaired. He tried to tell you that it would take a few minutes at most and you didn’t need to go with him, but you just smiled and led the way. You held his flesh hand while they fixed some wiring issues and un-dented the hand. If he squeezes your hand more often than necessary, then who would know?

One month passes and he is always at your side. He goes more often to movie nights, team dinners, and outings. There’s always a spot right by your side, and it takes only a few days for everyone to know it was reserved for a certain brunette. 

The second month rolls around and it finds him as your permanent partner. Missions for two would always be assigned to you and him. You two would spar for hours on end, touches lingering for longer than needed. If you needed to run errands, he would be right there with you. 

Month three passes in a loving haze. It’s rare to see one of you without the other. Even nights were spent in your room after you had both fallen asleep while watching Star Wars. You made him come with you to your yoga classes, and he made you go with him to cooking classes.

It’s like the sun had finally come out. The permanent scowl and dark circles were replaced with grins and smile lines. He can’t remember the last time he was as carefree as he was around you. 

It was hard to ask you out. He was nervous. What if he misread the hand holding and cuddling? Could he go back to being just your friend if it didn’t work out?

But the moment he saw you across the gym, sweaty and heaving but with a giant grin on your face as you box with Steve, he knew it would be worth it.

So here he was, your favorite flowers in hand, buttoned up shirt and nice jeans adorning his body, walking to your door to pick you up for your first date. 

In the back of his mind, he mocks himself for being so scared to ask you. Your face had lit up when he had.

Knocking on the door, he steps away and gives himself a once over. He tells himself he’s not nervous, but the erratic beating of his heart tells a different tale. 

The door opens, and there you are. A vision in your favorite dress, small smile on your face. 

All he can do is stare dumbstruck at you. While you were always gorgeous to him, the fact that you had dressed up for him makes him want to cry.

“Bucky?” you ask, waving a hand in his face and giggling. 

“You’re stunning” he says back, hand coming up to rub his neck. He suddenly

remembers the flowers when he feels the water drip on the collar of his shirt.

“These are for you” and the smile on your face grows. You take a big whiff of them

before sneezing 3 times in rapid succession. 

“Guess I got carried away” you giggle, and just like that the nerves fade. 

The drive to the restaurant he had reserved was filled with would you rathers that made you laugh so hard, you couldn’t breathe. Your impression of the stuffy waiter had him choking on his water.

Everything was going so well, he let his guard down.  

The men in ski masks that came from the kitchen to round everyone up were a shock to both of you. Instantly, people scatter, some making it out of the door in time, and others being held hostage and led to the kitchen.

You can both tell when they realize they have avengers in their midsts when the guns turn to aim at you. He flips the table to its side as you move to duck behind it. Drawing a gun from your clutch, you hand it to him. Bucky was always the better shot. And you arm yourself with a widow bites and click the button on your Stark Watch 3 times in rapid succession. 

He hears the panic in their voices as they radio to each other. Obviously, they were not expecting any resistance, let alone 2 highly trained agents.

You look at him, and he knows exactly what you have in mind.

The moment you leap sideways and engage, he pops over the table and aims at anyone with a gun. You move quickly and gracefully around those that were foolish enough to actually engage you. He takes down as many as possible with the gun, and when the clip runs out, he engages the targets closest to you. 

Soon there is only 1 left, shaking and yelling at you both to back up. Bucky is pretty sure he’s new, the tremor in his voice and hands gives him away. It wouldn’t be that difficult to take him out.  

Bucky joins your side, and you both approach hesitantly, not wanting to spook him. 

“Stay back” he yells. Bucky sees the glint of green before the man fully pulls out the grenade. His heart sinks into his stomach.  

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret.” Bucky states, already wedging himself between you and the man. He calculates if there was anyway to get you out of the building. 

“Just stay calm, we’re not going to hurt you.” You say, laying the widow bites at your feet. Bucky does the same with his empty gun. 

His wild eyes keep glancing between you and Bucky. He slowly tries to inch his way towards the man, hoping he makes it to the grenade before he throws it. 

The stand-still comes to an end when the man pulls the pin and launches the grenade in the air.

“No!” Bucky shouts, and he pulls you both under the nearest table, his body covering yours. The deafening blast goes off right as you both get under the table.  

He feels your fast breaths against his chest, and he pulls your head into the crook of his neck. Arms in a braced stance, supporting him as he tries to keep his weight off of yours. He’s pretty sure the table above them cracked with the weight of the rubble falling on it. 

He looks down to your face and sees the fear in your eyes. It was one thing to be shot at, but another to be buried alive.  

“It’s gonna be ok” he whispers, and you nod. You know that Bucky would do everything he could to get you both out. Forcing yourself to take calming breaths, you knew it wouldn’t help to panic right now.   

Once he feels the dust settle, he braces himself against the broken table, trying to see if he could lift the ruble off of you both. There’s a groan as the concrete settles more firmly in place, but nothing lets up. 

The Stark watch on your wrist vibrates, and though he can’t see the screen, he knows it means the Avengers are coming. 

“Bucky” you say, voice trembling. It brings him back to the conversation you had about your biggest fears. Being buried alive was at the top of the list after falling into a pit when you were 7 years old. 

“It’s going to be ok” he tries to reassure, but the fear in your eyes has him trying to break you out. 

Slowly, he shifts his weight to his right arm, and braces the broken table with his left. Putting all his weight behind the vibranium arm, he pushes up. He’s not sure if the groans are from him or the concrete slabs, but he feels something pop and then shift above him. 

Suddenly, the weight feels lighter and he can hear the concrete falling. Hope bursts in his chest as more light floods into the burrow and space starts to expand.

Moving his knees and feet, he gets into a crouched position to give himself more power as the rubble starts to fall away. 

Your voice and encouragement gives him a surge of energy and he finds himself standing in the dusty opening of what used to be a restaurant. 

“Y/n!” he calls as he moves back down and cradles you in his arms, lifting you on top of the pile of rubble. 

“Bucky that was incredible!” you shout as he comes to join you and helps you down. Your arms come around his neck and before he knows it, he feels your lips against his. It takes a second for his brain to compute, and by the time he realizes that it was a kiss, you had already pulled away. 

“Thank you!” you shout again with glee as he chuckles. 

He tries to move in and capture your lips again, but the moment is ruined when a certain blonde super soldier clears his throat.

You both pull away, faces warm, to see the captain dragging to handcuffed criminals out of the wreckage. 

“Glad to see you’re both alive.” Steve states smugly, shooting Bucky a not so subtle wink.

“It’s all thanks to Bucky and his amazing arm.” you tell him brightly, pressing a kiss to the vibranium bicep before jumping into to help apprehend the rest of the men. 

Steve had never seen Bucky turn that shade of red before, and lets out a laugh as he escorted the men out of the restaurant and into the cars waiting outside. 

~~~

You’re not sure what triggers it.

One moment you're laying on the couch with your head in Bucky’s lap, content and happy while watching a movie. You’re half awake, no idea what’s going on in the movie, instead paying attention to the way Bucky’s fingers glide through your hair.

It happens suddenly, and you jump up. 

You pace for a moment, before breathing is hard, and the world starts to get blurry. A cold sweat breaks out all over your body and you swear you could throw up at any moment.

Lowering yourself onto the floor, you put your head between your legs and slowly start to rock. Blood rushes to your head, and all you can hear is the loud thumping of your erratic heart. 

Everything is reduced to the few inches in front of your face, you almost don’t notice the cool hand on your forehead, pushing away hairs and trying to soothe you.

You focus on the cold hand moving from your head to the back of your neck, and then going down to stroke and pat your back, before starting the cycle all over again. 

Bucky.

Slowly, you start to break through the surface. 

It takes a few moments, but you start to hear his voice calling to you, and you want to follow the warm sound. 

He moves your hand now to his chest, the gentle up and down continuing to bring you back, and it registers that he wants you to follow his breath pattern.

The first few are too shallow, the next few are too fast, but soon you match his calm in-and-out to a tee. 

Your name, smooth and gentle in his voice, finally reaches your ears. You listen as he tells you how great you are at matching his breathing. He switches between compliments, random, one sided small talk, and humming. 

The heat from his embrace and the coolness from his left arm creates a cocoon of warmth and safety, making you lose sense of time. The cramping from your legs is the only indicator that a significant amount of time has passed.

Sluggishly, you lift your head from Bucky’s chest and look up at his face. Intense blue eyes stare back at you, it’s not hard to tell that he’s trying to stay calm, but the slight worry in his eyes wasn’t hard to pick up on. 

Laying your head back on his chest, you feel his arms start to slide under you. Soon enough, you’re lifted up and he’s walking to what you assume would be your room. 

You close your eyes, when he doesn’t take the right to go down to your room, but continues straight into his wing. 

“Thanks Bucky” you mumble as he sets you on his bed and gets in himself.

Face to face, you use your finger to trace the slope of his nose and the edge of his jaw before bringing your finger to outline his lips.

Pressing a small kiss to the tip of your finger, he smiles before leaning in kissing your forehead. 

“I love you, doll.”

“Love you too.”

~~~

He can feel the drool on his face as he comes too. His face squished into the pillow underneath him, so hard, he’s sure he’ll have indents in his face.

One arm slung around a sleeping you, he breathes in, slowly waking up. Moving his arms, he can feel the soreness that settles in after a good night's sleep. 

A small sniffle from the nightstand catches his attention, and he realizes why he woke up. 

Gently, he crawls out of bed, and tucks in the remaining comforter around you, and grabs the device from the nightstand. He hopes you can get a little extra sleep, he’s pretty sure he fell asleep long before you got into bed. 

Bare feet meet carpet as he paddles down the hallway, a short walk to his destination. He waits outside of the door for a moment, listening for movement in the room. When he hears shuffling, and another small screech, he opens the door.

Against the adjacent lilac wall, a white crib is placed. A sleep dischevaled baby stands, clinging to the bars, blowing spit bubbles and babbling to herself.

As soon as she sees Bucky, her arms extend towards him and makes whining noises.

“Hey baby” he chuckles as he steps fully into the room, and picks her up, nervous that she’ll start screaming if he doesn’t.

“How did you sleep?” he asks, patting her back, and checking to see if she needed a diaper change.

The raspberry she blows answers the question.

Gently and efficiently, he sets about changing her diaper, talking to her all the while.

When he sets her upright to try and find a new outfit, preferably one that doesn’t have stains but the options are slim, she squeals again.

Quickly, he picks her up and sways her against his chest.

“Shh shhh shhh, don’t wake up mommy, you kept her up half the night.” Bucky implores. She tilts her head up at the sound of his voice, her eyes slightly wet and he knows she can’t help it. 

Rebecca was a good baby, usually did not fuss, ate like a champ, and slept well. But lately, she had been colickly. 

It had panicked Bucky at first, thinking she was sick or he was doing something wrong. You had quelled his fears by showing him the small bump on her gums, signalling that she was teething. 

Switching his right arm for her support, he brings a vibranium finger up to her mouth. Immediately, she latches on to the finger. 

He can feel the nubs of teeth about to break through the surface, and lets her chew on his cool finger for relief. 

It had started as a joke one day when the teething ring had melted and Becca still wouldn’t stop crying. In your half groggy state, you had stuck one of Bucky’s vibranium fingers in her mouth to let her chew on while you grabbed something else, he couldn’t quite feel the pain the same way his flesh fingers could. But, once Bucky’s finger was in her mouth, Becca happily chewed on it until she fell asleep. 

It was well known now that wherever Bucky was, Becca followed, gnawing on his fingers. 

“Does that feel better Becca?” she couldn’t even spare a second to look at her father, too busy drooling all over his hand.

With Becca in tow, he sits down in the rocking chair, hoping that he could get her to fall back asleep.

Holding her close, he hums some forget tune and rubs her back, moving them back and forth slightly.

The rigid dark grey was such a contrast to the soft baby skin around it, it startles Bucky sometimes.

The same arm that killed people and caused so much destruction was the same arm that his baby daughter used as a teething toy. She would never fear it, or see it as anything other than a part of him. 

He’s unfamiliar with the emotion that bubbles up in his chest and the tears that build up. Sniffling himself, he presses a kiss to her downy soft head, and cradles her underneath his chin.  

“You know, if it hurts that much, you can take it out of her mouth.” you say, startling him slightly. 

Padding into the room, you perch yourself on the armrest of the rocking chair and tuck your feet under his legs. You reach a head out to caress Becca’s perfect cheek, brushing away a few tears with your thumb, as her eyelids start to droop. 

“What are you doing up?” Bucky’s gravely voice cuts through the silence a few moments later. 

“I had a feeling you were getting sappy with her again” you tease. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by without Bucky marveling or crying about Becky in the short 7 months of her life. 

“I can’t help it, she’s perfect.” he whispers back, getting choked up again. 

“Oh babe” you coo at him. Dropping to sit in his lap, you place your head on his chest, just above Becca, and wrap your arms around him. 

He sits there for a while longer, slowly rocking back and forth. Every once in a while, Becca will snuffle and snore in her sleep and you both chuckle at the cute noises. 

Sitting there, arms wrapped around the loves of his life, he feels calm. 

He can feel your breathing start to even out as you follow Becca’s lead to slumber. 

It still amazes him how much you both trust him. Never looked at the thing that made him a killer with anything but love, and never treated him with any differently. 

There will always be scars, physical and emotional, but slowly falling asleep in his baby daughter's room, he knows everything will be ok. He’s not afraid anymore.

~~~

Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!

[bangtansfavwriter]

🌷jungkook having a crush on you🌷

- jk and you vibed so fast that you became close friends very quickly (the chaotic duo that tested hyung line's last nerves when you were in your mischievous mood)

-you sorta became an honorary member of the maknae line and after you pulled a prank on jin that included a chocolate cake, marmite and liquorice and ended up with jin's face shrivelling so bad that it may have caused him his first wrinkles

(his revenge was to serve you kimchi bokkeumbap with kimchi that had gone bad, which resulted in the worst heartburn you ever had ("an eye for a eye, y/n" - you, drinking your 3rd mint tea that night: "fair enough"), you redeemed yourself by buying him hyaluronic acid lotion and his favourite strawberry cheesecake, jk just laughed his ass off to the misery jin and you went through and blackmailed jin with marmite whenever they bickered ("it will hit u when u least expect it, hyung" - "I can't believed I raised lucifer himself"))

-anyway, jk and you are always very playful together, and you laugh so much when you're with him bc of his antics

-he doesn't mind being extra goofy to make you laugh, it lifts his spirits as well

-hates to see you sad/upset, namjoon and jk once spoke about you, after namjoon asked him about your guys' friendship and for the first time in ages he was sure jungkook had deeper feelings for someone, as he said: "I don't mind making a fool out of myself, if it brings a smile on y/n's face. hyung, I know this is going to sound weird but sometimes I feel like it is my purpose to show y/n everything good and funny, this is something I wanna keep doing for a long time." (tbh namjoon teared up)

-your guys' fav pastimes were watching cartoons/animes and you had a fiery competition going on in any kind of jump and run games, especially for sonic (you once beat jk after a 4 hour session and he threw a dramatic fit until you made him hot chocolate and he finally calmed down)

-would show you tons of pics and vids of gureum and filmed every minute of your first encounter

-your personal photographer tbh, you two could go chill in a parking lot and he would still do the most aesthetic shots

-despite all the funny moments you two also had serious conversations together. moments like that were rare and mostly after 2am when you two shared secrets with each other you didn't dare to speak about at daytime, like your views on love where jungkook first thought of how much he wants to be your "loved one"

-has a folder with his favourite pics of you or places that remind him of you somehow, but he'd never tell you that

- tries to impress you quiet often, like the time you went for karaoke

your pick: new face

his pick: vision of love

you: ????????? bitch ?????? do i look like i can sing a mariah song????

jk: well....... i can..... 👀

you: i'll see you at the whistle notes

jk: i've made a huge mistake

-you're usually the first person to listen to his covers and he looooves seeing your reaction to it (but he's usually pretty nervous about it too)

- cannot concentrate for shit when you're watching him during dance practice, so hobi told you, in a nice way, to stay away from dance practice for the sake of bts and jk apologised like 12 times to everyone, he got better at focusing over time and you watched him once in a while... but he'd get v shy when he had to do hip thrusts and stuff, you'd just laugh it off but in reality you were just trying to hide you how much he actually affects you, especially during a choreo like that

-the boys teased him quite a lot about you and he'd get all whiny and say it's not like he had a crush on you or something

vmin: *laughing*

sope: *shaking their heads*

jin: oh reallyyy~~

namjoon: so you're ok with the fact y/n is on a date rn?

jungkook: WHAT

- so namjoon took out his phone and showed jk that you updated your story with some food pic where you could see a man's hand in the background, who was also tagged in the pic

namjoon: see? that guy also tagged y/n here in his pic

jk: .....

-the guys stopped teasing him the second they realized how upset jk actually was (he went completely silent, eyebrows furrowed), yoongi just stated the obvious: "our maknae is in love, huh", the boys smiled and jungkook nodded with a sad look on his face

-the next time you visited the guys jungkook was visibly flustered around you and would be just overwhelmed with the entire situation bc he wanted to know who that guy was, but he didn't know how to ask and neither did he want to intrude and what if you're taking it the wrong way and say that it's none of his business and suddenly he loses his best friend because of some stupid guy in a stupid picture and some stupid hypothetical date.... overthinking at its finest, as you can see...

-you didn't know why he became so awkward around you, the boys obviously knew but they couldn't say anything without risking jungkook completely losing his shit, but jungkook avoided you and left early when you were there and you were like "... why"...well the boys knew why but they couldn't say anything

-you tried talking to him but he tried to avoid you since he got so flustered around you that he'd stuttering, get embarrassed about it and then leave...

-you asked the boys about it, but they wouldn't say anything but tbh this was almost painful to watch for them bc they love their maknae but they knew this wasn't going anywhere.... so their eldest took the matter into his own hands and talked to you and asked you about the guy in your story.....

-shortly after that, the guys went to europe for vacation. jungkooks airport look was something for the goth look book once again, while the other guys looked bright and ready for their time off, and jin was like "oh here we go again" and once again jk helped out...

- the boys knew he kept himself busy the entire time after things got awkward with you, but they didn't exactly know what he was doing in his studio, only taehyung knew he was editing something

-so the boys were enjoying their time off and even got jungkook's mind off of you with some sightseeing and other leisure activities they had planned

-but at the end of the day, he thought of you and read your last messages over and over again. the last time you had texted was when you wished him a good time in europe and he thanked you. he sighed as he realized how your long texts with each other had turned into such short ones within 1 week

- yoongi: i cannot take this anymore, we need to do something about this

jin: i did. i invited y/n to join us.

the boys: ???

jin: all expenses on the company.

the boys: ?????????

-also, this was the first time you guys were separated, and it gave him the chance think about what he truly wants for you two, friendship or more.. he decided to confide in namjoon and jin about it and seek advice

namjoon: i'm sure y/n likes you too, and even if not, which I really doubt, at least you'll get it sorted out that way and carry on

jk: hyung, see that's the thing. if my feelings will not be reciprocated, i won't be able to continue a friendship... that's why I am so scared.

jin: y/n's coming here, tomorrow, jk, only for you, so i'm pretty sure your feelings will be reciprocated. just be honest about them.

jk: what do you mean y/n's gonna be here tomorrow?

jin: exactly that.

jk: with all due respect, hyung-nim, what the fuck

(-namjoon cackling in the background-)

-so jin explained how he asked you about joining them bc jk was so down and reassured jk that he didn't tell you anything about his feelings and that you solely come there bc you also had 2 weeks off and you wanted to spend time with him, even though jin had some convincing to do since you thought it might be awkward between jk and you

- jin: also, the supposed date on her story? that was just a night out among co-workers, so it was definitely not a date, I asked y/n about it

jk: ....... why didn't you tell me sooner? why are you telling me that a week later, when I'm in another country??

jin: remember the time you put actual fish oil in my bungeoppang?

jk:

jin: see, you did this and I'm still arranging you a romantic getaway, like the merciful god i am

jk: oh my god

jin: exactly

-jk texted you the same night and asked you where you are and said that jin told him everything. "maybe I should let the food war continue after all..", you thought and rolled your eyes. you sent jungkook a pic from the view you had from your hotel room, where you arrived a few hours prior, and he could clearly recognize that you were indeed there, as unbelievable as it was for him.

you: I can't believe jin ruined the surprise

jk: trust me, it still was a huge surprise for me

you: a good one, I hope?

jk: definitely... you know, i actually wanted to text you.

you: about the past week, i suppose?

jk: kinda. i'm going to send you something. it was done rather quickly, so have some mercy on me with that.. and please don't be mad at me

you: ok..? you're kind of worrying me here

jk: and y/n.. i won't say anything about it, it should speak for itself.. and please don't say anything about it until I see you tomorrow, ok?

you: alright..

jk: I'll see you at the café jin hyung told me about, depending on the answer you're gonna give me

you: I'll be there, no matter what

jk: ok, then, yellow shirt in case you're answer is positive, black shirt in any other case, how about that?

you: fine by me koo ☺️

jk: ok...... here goes nothing 🙇🏻��♂️

-what he sent you was a gcf with your name as the title and what followed was a beautiful compilation of your favourite moments you and jungkook had shared, and some moments you weren't even aware of the fact that he was filming you..some scenes, for example: your guys' trip to lotte world, you giggling into the camera when turned the cam to both of you wearing bunny ears, you laughing your ass off while filming him dancing to cl's "hello bitches", you on the day you went to the planetarium together, the time you came over to his place with food after he was too exhausted to do anything after practice and you watched "spirited away" together, then you playing with gureum while he giggles behind the camera, you being bts' no 1 hype man during their concert preparations, some videos where you cheered for him during the days you two spent apart bc of award shows.... and at the end of the video there was a single picture of you two, where you smiled widely into the camera, while he looked at you with a shy smile on his face... and finally, you heard his voice saying the words which appeared on screen: "be my loved one".

- the next day, jungkook was waiting for you in the café opposite the church, where you would come to as well. he was nervous as hell and honestly he still wasn't sure if you're actually going to come there or if jin played a prank on him. he checked his texts again and again and just stared at the "read" sign beneath the text and the video he sent you and mentally slapped himself for telling you to keep your answer to yourself until you meet him in the café. he started overthinking again, to a point where he zoned out so much that he didn't even notice 6 guys with huge sunglasses and a suspicious lot of newspapers, sitting at another table what finally made him snap back into reality was the sound of someone pulling the chair at his table, which instantly made him turn around only to see you sitting down next to him, right at the moment when the bells started ringing. undoubtedly, the colour yellow has never made jungkook happier.

💕

epilogue:

-at the dorms with the boys after you left your company dinner party early-

jimin: why'd you come back so early?

you: because SOMEONE almost broke my co-workers hand during a handshake

jk: it's called asserting dominance, y/n, don't you ever listen to david attenborough sunbaenim?

[obeymematches]

Hi, can I get a matchup? Thank you in advanced and I hope you're doing well despite the current state of the world ❤

(Edit: almost an hour later and I've finally finished writing this. Let's just say this did not turn out the way I expected AT ALL and I'm so sorry in advanced. But at least I got a new story idea)

Introduction (Innocence): At first, I'm extremely shy, timid, and quiet. I have a hard time opening my mouth and starting conversations. It doesn't always bother me since I like keeping to myself because it keeps me motivated and stay focused on my goals. However, if someone approaches me, I try to be as polite, passive, and friendly as possible. The only way to move out of this stage is to constantly interact with me until I feel comfortable.

Chapter 1 (Reality): Now that I'm comfortable, the snark and attitude starts to come through. At first, it will be a few light-hearted teasing that surprise people. Slowly, the jabs grow harsher and my voice grows louder. The dynamic of the conversation changes as I begin to dominate. My voice rises as my hands do all the talking. Sarcasm and eye rolls are regular parts of conversation. A thick cloud of chaos and self-deprecation arises, leading to a storm of endless rangs about my dramatic woes. In the midst of this confusion, you can't help but wonder: what happened to that soft-spoken girl?

Chapter 2 (Chaos): It has become my personal mission to make your life as miserable as possible. My sinister laughter rings through the air, bringing headaches to those around me. Despite all their attempts, no one stop me writing monologues that parody your towards your crush or stealing your phone until you give me your chips. My ego has devoured my self-deprecation; my word is law. My beauty, my hardwork, my intelligence-- me. You absolutely hate it, but you can't leave. The quick-wit, the variety of humor, and the soft crinkle around my eyes when I smile. The smart-assery is almost endearing. You can't help but wonder, what is she doing to do next? It's a game of cat and mouse, but I am always victorious.

Chapter 3 (Darkness): Beneath the madness, lies a small girl fighting against the shackles against her feet. She will not accept any help, she must escape on her own. Doubt constantly lingers in her mind, a consequence of previous endeavors that failed due to pride. She does not care for those who jeer at her as she struggles, holding her head high. There's only one thing in her mind: she will do anything to escape. It will be methodical, calculating, and nothing less than perfection. And when she does, she vows to do everything in her power to take her rightful spot on the throne.

Chapter 4 (Light): And so she escapes and sets on her path to become queen. Along her path, she befriends villagers who aid her quest. Although she becomes the voice of harsh reason, they heed her wisdom. Her companions know that despite her sharp tongue, she is simply looking out for them. Although she dislikes any form of affection, the cracks of her stone heart shine through her actions. It is here that she finds balance. Innocence, reality, chaos, darkness, and light meld into one.

Conclusion: Unfortunately, the journey is not over. However, the journey itself can teach one a lot about themselves. Thus far, the little girl has learned for her love of novels, often with her head in clouds to escape reality. She's also taken a liking to storytelling, finding solace in writing and storytelling to express the emotions she cannot communicate otherwise. She likes to bathe in her vanity by indugling in fashion and makeup, spending hours to create the perfect look. Despite this newfound sense of self, only time will tell whether she can succeed in her quest.

Adding a summary below because as a fellow matchup writer, I can see how this description would drive you insane. I'm so sorry for the story lol

Summary: At first I'm super shy, but I'm actually a sarcastic smartass that has a large ego and annoys everyone. My only redeemable quality is that I'm funny. Deep down, I'm ambitious, stubborn, and paranoid. With friends I'm the unaffectionate voice of reason that shows love through actions. My hobbies are makeup, reading, writing, and public speaking (aka storytelling).

----------

Hello! 💎

Thank you for sending in a request, I hope you like the result ! I’m doing fine, everybody at home is still healthy! 🙏

So I really enjoy how you elaborated on your layered and complex personality, because when I do matches I take people’s negative traits into consideration and they boy’s as well. Let’s face it, nobody’s perfect, and I like how the characters have their own flaws. I always look at how everybody could develop. (although it is not complete redemption cuz i’m not sure if that is possible for demons. like in paradise lost that is impossible but at this point it is not known how far obey me will go with that 🤷 but anyway regardless of canon i like to think that the MC has a positive effect on each character because i prefer healthy relationships) 

So I think your shy first impression would actually draw all of them in. I mean like yeah, they all have their prefered types, but they are also very curious demons (not exactly genuine but curious nevertheless) and would compete to figure out your actual personality. (I mean..Belphie probably not that much but deep down he is interested too)

I think by the time you’d show your deeper layers and vica versa you’d have a strong bond with Mammon (he is supposed to be with you a lot so really; it is hard to avoid opening up to him first but it is up to your imagination how far that goes), Satan would appreciate your shared hobbies and intellect, but it is up to you how much you trust him. Asmo obviously because of makeup, you have a shared interest and he can show you some tricks regarding that. I think both Satan and Asmo could influence your writing also. (Satan knows some lit Devildom stories that the human world lacks, and Asmo probably knows so much gossip nobody is prepared for)     

Now obviously, Asmo is not the ideal partner because he would definitely prefer someone affectionate. 

I’m deciding between Lucifer and Satan..but I am unsure what kinf of improvement you and Lucifer would result in, despite the connection that might form between you two. (I mean I don’t think it is a good idea to pair a kind of arrogant character with a deep-down paranoid person.)

But I think you and Satan could work out. 

I already mentioned the hobbies/shared interests and source of inspiration, but there is more than that to it!

He definitely needs some guidance in his life and no way he would ever let Lucifer play that role. 

It’s not that he is not independent, but he should  reconcile with his birth as much as he can  -  you being a dominant voice of reason under the surface is something he can respect.

Yeah he can be pretty dominant and that might result in arguments from time to time, but you are somebody he needs so he will do his best to apologize if he snaps for some reason. 

You both are witty and sarcastic and I think you would kind of point out the other’s flaws like that. No offense taken on either side.

So his aggressive tendencies the others warned you about might cause paranoia in you but I don’t think he would actually be violent towards the MC so if you bring it up to him in a conversation he would reassure you that you really shouldn’t worry about that. (and then he beats up whoever made you think that, behind your back) 

You see, on the surface he is also calm and collected but on a deeper layer he is also insecure and oh boy he has so much flaws that should be fixed.

Again, you being rational, wise, voice of reason proves to be much needed. 

As I elaborated before, in his case I don’t think there is space for complete redemption but he would go a long way with your aid!

He also adores your ambitions and your goals in life. 

He would read all the work you decide to share with him! He would disappear into the night reading your story and the next time you see him he has a copy of your story in his hand; little notes everywhere, underlined parts, several bookmarks, tons of insanely detailed questions, sharing his interpretations... you better be ready because it will be a long conversation. 

This way he also learns so much about you and the way you express your feelings! He would fall sooo hard, especially when he supposes you like him because of some line on page 73′s third paragraph  

He wouldn’t be sure though. (Again, he can be kind of insecure.)

Not until one of you actually makes a move. I think when that time comes, he would absolutely make a reference to one of your stories one way or another. Even if you don’t write romance. He’s smart, he will find a way.

 I think he would also help you “stay on Earth” considering your fears and tendency of stubborn and prideful behaviour. 

You would never have to ask him for help, as he will be the one suggesting it all the time. He is good at observing people, he will know if/when you need help. He refuses to be rejected by a human so really you have no chance here. 

He also has his own sense of humour so time spent together would involve joking around sometimes. I mean despite his facade, he can be a little brat sometimes. 

Like a cat he likes his independence so really he is not going to force any affection that you would not welcome. Maybe sometimes he enjoys it, but definitely not early in a relationship. 

He would love to participate in your storytelling activities. Not one occassion he would miss. 

[likelovelikesuicide]

SH 2.07 - The Discourse (1 year later)

Since the discourse of 2.07 has returned due to the petty ravings of she-who-shall-not-be-named… I’m going to offer my two cents on the matter (NOTE: while this post is a follow up to what was tweeted, I will not mentioned nor acknowledge what was said. We all already know… this is purely a critique of the episode and the backlash it continues to receive)

First off, I think we can all agree that Shadowhunters episode 2.07 lacked tact - from the Jace/Seelie “sex scene” to the Magnus/Alec “first time scene” to the captured Angel story being used as an afterthought - something was severely off about this entire episode.

Now, I skimmed this episode a few times as I was writing this so…- First we see Valentine torturing someone, it was unclear who the man is until later on in the episode - Then we come to Magnus and Alec returning to the loft after a date of shopping around the world (which sounds pretty epic by the way) - they are almost immediately interrupted by a loud giggle coming from Jace’s room (can’t Magnus cast some sort of silence spell? Or soundproof Jace’s room? Or tell him to take his hootchy back to her place if he wants to get his bump on?… #justsaying) -anyway, next we see Magnus and Alec gently making out on the balcony until Alec’s phone rings and he’s called into the institute… naturally, he goes to get Jace. Even if Aldertree doesn’t trust him, they still have a job to do… Now, this is where things get gross…

Jace and the Seelie girl (Kylie?) are full on in flagrante - to the point where she has to cover her breasts with her hand/arm as she OFFERS TO FUCK BOTH JACE AND ALEC IN ALEC’S BOYFRIENDS HOME!?!? I cannot even begin to explain how wrong that is. Furthermore, everything that Jace does while staying at the loft is disrespectful to Magnus, but I digress… 

Moving forward, I should point out some other major points of this episode:

Izzy’s Yin Fen addition worsens, she becomes desperate to find a fix as the lies stack up around her

Both Alec and Magnus discuss their growing relationship with an outsider (“someone special?” And “the right time?”)

Simon and Jace flirt over who’s got better game with the ladies. Maia wins.

There’s a whole deal with Clary, Luke and Cleophas that leads to them finding out that Valentine has captured and is torturing an angel - which seems like a big deal - The whole thing is disjointed and difficult to follow and Clary and Jace free the Angel by the end of the episode... So I guess it’s a whatever thing…

There’s some mention of Aldertree meeting with the Clave and Clary disrespecting the hell out of Luke… I think I got the just…

Now, to the scene that caused such uproar, and I’d like to start by saying that I believe this was an issue of editing and tact. One of the first things we see (as pointed out above) is Jace and the Seelie girl in bed and it is graphic - having the actress cover herself with only her arm makes it just barely meet censorship standards for a TV show that airs before 10pm and isn’t on HBO…. . But in the end we come to the Magnus and Alec scene, their first time. This has been building for 2 season and it limited to kisses that move offscreen… did we get an amazing follow-up scene to explain what happened? Yes - 11 episodes later. Was 2.07 Malec left open ended? Yes. However, I personally think most of the audience saw that moment differently than was intended by the writers and actors… So bare with me here:

When Alec reaches for Magnus as he says “You have nothing to worry about. I want this” - a lot of the viewers seemed to interpret this as him saying “I want sex” or something to that point (as in he doesn’t care about Magnus’ worries, he just wants to bone)  - when in reality what he was saying was that he wants to be with Magnus (This=US) and if you actually listen to their conversation, Magnus never says he doesn’t want to move forward with Alec. Only that he doesn’t want to move too fast and risk losing Alec. Magnus’ vulnerability here is based on his past experience of being left, but that had never occurred to Alec. He wants a relationship with Magnus.  If all Alec wanted was sex he would have slept around like Izzy and Jace… But for Alec, none of his arc is framed as being about “sex” - it’s about “being with Magnus” - romantically, intimately, etc. - we see that throughout s2 (and even as he struggles with coming out in s1)… And once Magnus understands that Alec’s focus is on them moving forward, together... he willingly offers himself, heart, body and soul because he wants to this, too.

If you take what Alec says out of context and just focus on the “I want this” and him grabbing Magnus - then sure, the scene can look a little selfish and sketch… but that’s not the whole scene. When Alec first arrives, he lunges at Magnus - kissing him quite desperately, as though afraid he’ll lose his nerve. When Magnus begins to protest, Alec pulls away. He stops and he listens… he doesn’t reach for Magnus again until he understands what’s going on… then he assures him that he has nothing to worry about and he lets Magnus kiss him first as they stumble down the hall. Is it the best scene ever written? No. Can it be interpreted in other ways? Yes. We all hear and experience things differently - but in the context of the scene, no one can claim that either of these men is unwilling or without agency in himself. To do so is simply ridiculous.

Furthermore, this is not the only instance of tasteless or tactless writing in s2 - the Jace/Maia hook-up was unnecessary, graphic and hurt both characters because it was cheap and vulgar - having Dot try to kiss Magnus after spending the day talking about his boyfriend and implying a romantic past for them that wasn’t there before - Every second of 2.12 that was done for dramatic effect and compromised the characters in the process - or trying to make rizzy more than a mutual drug addiction - But 2.07 was perhaps the most obvious fail in tact for s2 and in a lot of ways, I think it would have been less so if they had cut out or edited down the Jace/Seelie bedroom scene to be appropriate for prime-time viewers… without that scene, it wouldn’t have seemed quite so weird to have Magnus and Alec walk off screen. Plus, the episode spent way too much time focused on Jace when his storyline was legit to fuck his way around Brooklyn until Clary was in danger and then run off to save the day. I mean, the Angel didn’t even get enough screen time to be properly explained…

My point being, the issues with 207 were completely misconstrued because of lazy or tasteless writing/editing choices - the real issue here wasn’t a bad story or bad actors or bad character intentions - It was just poorly executed. Much like a large portion of those books someone is so damn proud of… #justsaying

[lonelyandgone]

Disclaimer 1 - This is totally ooey gooey cheese.  If you don’t like cheesy fics, do yourself a favor and not read it.  Disclaimer 2 - I wrote it super fast so it may not only be ooey gooey cheese but full of errors.  Read at your own risk.  

Ironic – A Joe and Taylor Drabble

 She can remember their first discussion about this.  Fifteen years old.  Sitting against the pastel painted bed in her room.  Abi had been picking at the hole in the knee of her jeans, rambling on about how much she hated Algebra but that she couldn’t hate it too much because Ben Henson was sitting diagonal and two seats up from her.   She had been writing a song that could really be a poem or maybe a story, she wasn’t positively sure at that point in time.  And when Abi had realized her lack of attention, she had grabbed the notepad from her hand and flung it across the room.  

“Let’s plan our weddings,” Abi had said enthusiastically, her red hair bouncing in waves like it was trying to match, or at least keep up with, her energy.    

Her heart had leapt a bit at the idea because, well the idea of everlasting love made her starry-eyed and planning the wedding she knew she would eventually have made her whole body shiver with excitement.  But showing Abi that wasn’t something she really wanted to do, not after her best friend had warned her to stop living in a fairytale just the day before when she had been whimsically forecasting her future romance with Chad Michael Murray.

So instead of outwardly showing the immense amount of glee coursing through her body, she had looked at her increduously.  “I’m not getting married,” she had stated, choosing to err on the side of ridiculous rather than be honest, the 15 year old in her wildly shining through.  

“C’mon,” Abi had virtually yelled before providing her best belly laugh and throwing her head back dramatically against the bed, “Taylor I’m in love with love Swift isn’t getting married?  What planet do you think I’m from?”

It was then that she wished she hadn’t had her head in the clouds so much before when spewing about boys and crushes to her best friend.   Because as much as she was going to deny Abi’s words, she knew it wouldn’t work.  It didn’t stop her from trying though.  Not in the slightest.

She had raised her chin up high, now completely determined to make her friend see some form of fake truth in the utter nonsense she was saying.  “I’m not.  I’m going to be a successful and completely independent woman who doesn’t need some man hanging off of me.  What good are they for anyway?”

Abi’s laughter had only intensified tenfold then.  “Obviously good enough for you to write songs about and pine over every single day,” Abi had howled, placing her hand on her stomach as she continued to bellow.

“Well that’s the only thing they are good for,” she contended, locking in her jaw and focusing her eyes like lasers on Abi, “and don’t act like you don’t pine too.  You were pining for Ben Henson five minutes ago.”

“Whatever,” Abi had giggled as she swatted at her arm, then turning to push herself off of the floor in the direction of the notepad she had just flung away.  “Well if you’re gonna continue to lie . . . . we can just plan mine.”

She had tried to ignore her for the first ten minutes, closing her eyes and folding her arms across her chest in some weird act of teenage friend defiance.   She had refused comment when Abi asked if she preferred sleeveless or capped sleeves and when she asked if the best time for a wedding would be summer or fall.  It was when Abi had started talking about wedding music, and specifically her question of the traditional wedding march versus Pachelbel’s Canon, that she finally caved and joined in.

They had spent the next two hours talking about catering and decorations, dress length and first dances, wedding cakes and throwing of garters.  They imagined the looks on their future spouse’s faces as they walked down the aisle and how their dads would cry during the father daughter dance. They made promises to be each other’s maid or maiden of honor, regardless of far away from each other they lived then along with another promise that they would be each other’s first call once the big question got popped.  

No detail had been missed by the time they fell back against the bed, both with notepads in hand, both gloriously living out their future weddings in their imaginations.  

And now, twelve years later, one of those plans is coming to fruition.  

She can feel the pull in her cheeks as she runs her finger along the edge of her wine glass, a day full of smiles and jubilation to blame.  The thought alone causing her to smile even more.  

Her best friend, her ride or die, her person was now Matt’s wife.  She had taken those wishes and dreams of a daydreaming teenager and tweaked and edited them to turn them into the utter elegance and magnificence of this day.

It had been flawless and perfect and impeccable.  It had been beautiful, romantic and touching.  It had been everything that it should have been.  Everything that Abi deserved.  

It had been years and years in the making and she knows there is no way she could have ever written a better day for her nor would she ever even try.  This was Abi’s vision and she considers herself lucky to simply have been part of it.

She’s sipping the last bit of Chardonnay from her glass when Abi slides into the seat beside of her, laying her head on her shoulder the way she’s done thousands of times through the years. The way she’s certain she will do thousands more through their remaining years.  

“I’m married Tay,” her friend says, pulling her smile higher and her heart warmer, “I’m not even sure if I believe it yet.”

“You’ll believe it in a couple hours when Matt makes you call him husband over and over again in bed and then tells you to go and get him a beer afterward.”  They share a laugh as Abi raises her head.

She nods emphatically. “Probably.  But it’s still feels so strange.  Absolutely amazingly right but so strange.”

Taylor winks, giggling, “That’s because you and Matt are weird.  Obviously perfect for each other but weird.”

Abi tilts her head to the side, raising her eyes to let Taylor know she is right.  “We gotta stop talking like each other.  There are times I feel like we are the same person.”

“Matt would disagree with that,” she laughs, dipping her head to the new groom dancing on the floor.

With a wink, Abi adds, “Oh darling Joe Alwyn would disagree with that too.  Because he’s not going to give a second glance to me but you . . . . . he’s got plenty of glances for you.”

Rolling her eyes, she shakes her head, completely aware of the validity of her friend’s words but also completely aware that she won’t admit them.  “Whatever,” she says, prompting a loud howl from her friend.  

They watch the party going on around them for a few seconds, Abi making a remark about how Matt’s friend is dancing like Patrick Dempsey in Can’t Buy Me Love and Taylor waving the waiter over for glasses of wine.  

“Thank you for being here,” Abi says after her second sip, her eyes moving to Taylor, “for doing everything you’ve done for this wedding.  And for me.  That you’ve always done for me.  I don’t know what I’d do without you, Taylor.”

She can feel her cheeks pulling once again, her smile becoming even more permanent on her face. “Well you’ll never have to worry about that.  I’ve already told you that my weird heart loves your weird heart so you aren’t going to be able to get rid of me easily.  You’re my sister from another mister.”

“That’s so bad, Taylor,” Abi cackles, “I remember us having that airbrushed on a t-shirt when we were fifteen.”

Taylor nods her head, “Yes we did.  And it was bad.  We sure did some strange stuff at that age.”  

Abi’s eyes twinkle, a light triggering in her mind.  “Awww let’s not forget the wedding extravaganza,” she bellows and Taylor nods again.

“Oh I haven’t.  I was just thinking about it earlier.”

“Want to know something funny,” Abi snickers, “My mom found my list a couple months ago, complete with heart stickers and glitter ink, and she scanned and emailed it to me.  I laughed so much reading through it but the scary part is that I must have subconsciously remembered those plans while I was working on this wedding because there was a pretty good bit that matched up.”

Taylor laughs for a few seconds, watching the joy spread so evidently across her friends face.  “You want to know another secret,” she whispers, leaning into Abi, “I still have mine too.”

Abi’s mouth falls open, her eyes wide, “Well you best be digging that thing out because I’m fairly certain you’re gonna be needing it soon.”

She shakes her head softly, lowering her chin as a gentle laugh escapes her lips.  “I hope,” is all she says, glancing at her friend once more before she pulls her gaze away.

Abi’s head tilts against hers again and this time she slips her hand into Taylors, holding it.  “I know so, Tay.  Trust me.  I see it all over your face.  I see it all over his.  It’s time.”

She doesn’t say anymore, neither of them does.  They don’t have to.  This is the bond they share.  One unlike any bond she shares with anyone else.  And this is the first time Abi has ever said those words to her so she knows how much she means them.  

She also knows how absolutely true they are, at least where she is concerned.

Because settling down with Joe Alwyn is the plan she holds close to her heart, somewhat scared to whisper it aloud in fear that it won’t come true, but knowing in reality how much she trusts that it will.

Abi gets up when Matt arrives at the table a few minutes later, a wide smile on his face and his hand held out to her.  She squeezes Taylor’s hand before she goes, leaning down to whisper one parting statement before her groom slips her away.  “Remember that you promised to call me first.” Taylor laughs, her mind instantly going back to their pact at 15.  

She gives her speech a half hour later, toasts her best friend and the man she’s entrusted with taking care of her, and then slips out of the reception behind a veil in an attempt to keep the focus on the bride and not on herself.  

She thinks of Joe the entire trip back to Nashville, wondering what he’s doing, how his filming is going and if he misses her a fraction of as much as she misses him. She thinks about seeing him next, about how she feels when she’s with him, about how he makes her feel when she’s with him.

About how madly in love with him she is.  

Her apartment is dark and quiet when she arrives there and her heels make a loud thud when she kicks them across the room.  She’s laughing at the noise and pulling her earrings off when she sees him.  His long frame leaning against the wall, his lips spread in the most perfect smile she’s ever seen.  

“Joe,” she whispers, her surprise cascading down in her voice.    

He’s wearing a suit and tie, a bouquet of flowers in one hand, a small box in the other.  It doesn’t hit her at first but when it does she freezes.  “Are you going to propose to me,” she squeaks out after a few seconds, her voice sounding as rushed as the heartbeat in her chest.  

He smiles, his brilliant blues gleaming, and then pushes himself off of the wall, taking one step toward her before he tosses the flowers on a table and then opens the box, slipping its contents out and into his hand without her seeing it.  “Do you want me to propose to you,” he asks, his eyebrows raised, his gaze fully on her.

“Yes,” she says instantly, “I mean if you want to,” she adds with a nervous laugh.  

Taking a few more steps toward her, he falls to one knee on the floor.  “Well then let’s do this then, shall we?”  He reaches for her hand, pulling it to his heart when he looks up to her.  “What do you say Taylor, can I keep you forever?”

He pulls her hand back then, holding it in front of him as he carefully slides the ring from his finger to hers, the diamonds catching in the light and making them sparkle.  

“Oh my god,” she whispers slowly through glazed eyes, springing them quickly back to him.  

“Is that a yes,” he laughs, his eyebrows raised once more.  

“Yes,” she exclaims, her word echoing through the house, bouncing off of walls and ringing in her ears over and over again.  It’s the most beautiful word she’s ever said, she thinks.  

Her arms are around him within seconds, her body clinging to his as he lifts to his feet and slides his arms around her waist, molding her even closer to him.  “You’re here and you’re doing this,” she says into his lips.

“Yes.  I’m here and I’m doing this.  And you, my love, are definitely going to be my wife.”

He’s pulling at her dress now, his hand feeling like fire as he slowly unzips the back and tugs at the fabric there.  And when his lips find her neck, she struggles to find any ounce of clarity, any ounce of thought that isn’t drunk on the sensations he is eliciting.  

She’s naked, her legs wrapped around his torso as he carries her toward the bedroom when a coherent thought finally forces itself into her head, jabbing there repeatedly in an attempt to bring her back to her senses.  

“Wait,” she says as he bites at her earlobe.  He doesn’t stop and she’s just about lost in him when she says the word again.

This time, he sits her down carefully, his gaze grazing over her.  “Is something wrong,” he asks with concern.

“No,” she laughs, “no. Everything is perfect.”  She kisses him and he slides his hands around her waist to try to wrap her back in but she laughs again, pushing him back lightly. “One second baby.  There’s something I have to do and then after, I promise you get me all night . . . and then forever.”

He groans through his laugh when she pulls away and she turns around just long enough to blow him a kiss before bounding quickly out of the bedroom.  She grabs her phone and returns to the bedroom, allowing him to pull her naked body back to him on the bed, her legs straddled over him.  She clutches the phone to her ear when he goes to work with his mouth again.

Abi answers breathlessly on the eighth ring, no doubt enjoying her night as a newlywed.  Taylor laughs when she hears her.  

“As promised.  First call.”  Joe’s mouth finds her neck again as her words get spouted out.  

It’s all she says before she turns the phone off and tosses it on the floor.  Her attention now fully on the man she knew from day one that she would keep forever.

When she wakes up the next morning, she finds 17 new text messages from her best friend, ranging from I can’t believe you interrupted my wedding night sex with a smiley face to I totally knew it! to I’m so giddy with happiness and Matt thinks it’s because of him.

She glances back at Joe’s sleeping figure as she reads the last one.  She’s never in her life felt her heart this full, her life this complete, everything so amazingly perfect.  

Leaning in, she kisses his temple before she slips into a robe and out of the room.  

She looks for it then. In desk drawers and bookcases, finally finding it tucked inside a yearbook from her Freshman year of high school.

She smiles when she unfolds it and then raises her phone to snap a picture, sending it to Abi.  

Her eyes scan over the words written at the top of the torn and tattered paper in her hands. “Taylor’s dream wedding,” she whispers to herself, laughing.  And then she notices something written in the bottom right corner.  

It’s a heart just beside of the initials JA

She closes her eyes and shakes her head.  Jeremy Austin had been her crush when she wrote that list at 15.  She hadn’t even remembered that until this very moment.  Jeremy Austin.  

JA, she smiles.

A text arrives seconds later.  Thirteen hearts followed by Abi’s message.  OMG JA!

She rubs her thumb across the scribbles she made years before.  “JA,” she whispers to herself, “how perfect.”

How absolutely ironically perfect.  

Her Joe Alwyn.  Her real JA.  Yeah, she’ll keep him forever, she smiles.  

[gunnerpalace]

Have you seen the vid 'Shonen Anime's Biggest Problem' by Reality Punch Studios? Bleach is briefly mentioned in it and the guy basically says that Kubo did a great job with the plot and characters during the Soul Society arc, but then later failed with all the other arcs after it. Thoughts?

I haven’t, but that’s pretty accurate. This is long, but fuck it, I want people to see it.

Karakura I: Great! Minor flaws, e.g., Ichigo leaving Rukia to fight Shrieker while he escorted Karin, rather than having the clearly less-than-combat effective Rukia do so, and learn about Ichigo; not covering a whole month of their time together (including Ichigo’s birthday); ultimately dispensing with Tatsuki’s importance to the plot; could have probably stood to be about twice as long to show more of Ichigo and Rukia’s early relationship and flesh out relations with the nakama more. 

Soul Society: Great! No real flaws until the end, e.g., you just killed off Central 46 and had a great upheaval in the power structure of the to-date main antagonists; this was the perfect time to have some exposition on them (e.g., who the other two Great Noble Houses are, what their role in Central 46/Soul Society is aside from being strong, etc.); good pacing, dramatic, memorable and contained fights, even for supporting characters (e.g., Uryuu vs. Mayuri, Renji vs. Byakuya).

Karakura II/Arrancar: Not so great! So, Ichigo’s just spent his summer break, what, moping over “the Hollow?” Why does everything in this series revolve around no one (Kisuke, Isshin, Juushirou, Yamamoto, etc.) telling Ichigo what the fuck is going on and just solving the problem? One of the only times I can remember an authority figure just saying “We’re here to do X because Y,” is Toushirou in this arc, so good for him? The fights against the Arrancar are when Bleach started to go bad with F I G H T S  N O B O D Y  C A R E S  A B O U T  ™ because they don’t involve the protagonists. Grimmjow was an effectively introduced villain even though he’s really just Kenpachi + Zangetsu (”Shirosaki”). The moments with him, Ichigo, and Rukia were good. The Visored were neat but were ultimately a waste. Most damningly of all, Orihime didn’t learn a goddamn thing from going to an alternate dimension and watching Ichigo almost die over and over to save Rukia.

Hueco Mundo/Fake Karakura+: Really bad! When FNCA became a real problem. Just all kinds of shit that didn’t matter and wasn’t satisfying. The entire premise of them being there was stupid, as was the entire structure of the war. Aizen’s grand scheme turned out to be a bunch of bullshit. Overall just a terrible inversion of the Soul Society arc featuring a bunch of poorly-realized villains that were way overhyped. (Also, the final demonstration of the worthlessness of the Visored!) Our protagonists had to be rescued for the plot to continue on stupidly. (This can work, e.g. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, but this isn’t the way to do it.) An unsatisfying conclusion that explained nothing about why what happened, had.

Lost Substitute Shinigami: Garbage. Okay, this arc has some great character-building for Ichigo and Rukia, and Xcution have memorable designs. I like Riruka. Ginjou, Giriko, and Tsukishima are really hateable villains. I like Ikumi. But. But. Fullbring is dumb and makes no sense, or needed to be introduced much earlier. The story of the substitute Shinigami is dumb and doesn’t fit well with what we know. The contrivances necessary to make Bleach work like a horror manga are ridiculous and just make the adults around Ichigo (e.g., Isshin, Ryuuken, Kisuke, Yoruichi, Shinji, et al.) look like fucking negligent assholes at the same time as Ikumi is telling Ichigo to trust adults. Also, the way the time skip was handled was that it wasn’t. It literally never gets addressed outside of about a dozen panels. It speaks to my heart but it wasn’t well-executed (hah!) at all.

Thousand-Year Blood War: Total shitshow where everything is on fire. The Sternritter were awful and utterly lacking in interest. (They’re all amoral psychopathic murderers, whoo!) FNCA go on forever, nobody does anything of importance, Ichigo and Rukia barely appear for large sections of it, and nothing sensible or satisfying happens except for an explanation of Ichigo’s powers that, while making a kind of sense, still doesn’t really explain anything. Don’t get me started on the ending, that requires War and Peace to fully deconstruct with how it doesn’t fit any of what came before.

If Kubo was just going to stop the manga, he should’ve stopped it after Soul Society arc. He couldn’t, because Aizen was still on the run, but if Aizen had been taken out there, it would’ve been okay. Open-ended, maybe an epilogue panel or page of Rukia putting on civilian clothes to see Ichigo again. Cool.

If he was going to stop after the Aizen saga, he should’ve done that. Again, an open ending. You could maybe have an epilogue of Ichigo thinking he sees Rukia out of the corner of his eyes over time. Whatever.

But no, this guy had a plan. Bleach is kinda like The X-Files, in that there’s a bunch of episodes, and then an overarching plot arc, except instead of being episodic, it’s archic; a bunch of small arcs under a larger one. The larger arc is that Soul Society, and existence itself, is fucked up. The smaller arcs are about what passes for “mundane” or “the usual” within this fucked up existence.

That alone probably answers your question, but I’m me, so I’m going to continue on to talk about what I want to talk about.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS BLEACH ACTUALLY ABOUT?

Let me explain my theory of what Bleach was supposed to be about, before Kubo got bogged down in thinking he was Tolkien II Turbo DBZ edition and got his series cancelled with his fuckery.

There’s this interesting video about how, in The Matrix, Neo isn’t “the One,” but rather, Smith is.

The Architect tells Neo that he’s the sixth “Anomaly” which resets the Matrix. Their arrival is expected and anticipated. Smith, unwittingly “created” by Neo, is what causes this particular iteration of the Matrix to end very differently than the previous five.

Okay, what the fuck does this have to do with Bleach?

Check it out: Ichigo (and Rukia) is (are) the One. That is to say: they’re Smith. The planned outcomes, the “Anomalies,” were Aizen and Yhwach.

They would go about their plans, get up to the Royal Realm, and then be summarily murdered by Zero Division and turned into the new Soul King, as a Soul King only lasts a certain amount of time and needs periodic replacement. (Check how old and busted the current one is.) This is why Zero Division gave zero fucks about whatever happened down below: it not only didn’t matter to their outcomes, it was necessary. (Kind of like Soul Society requires suffering to work properly.)

There’s evidence of this in Sajin and his grandfather. Their existence is never explained, but Clifford the Big Red Dog says “The world’s ‘bearer’ will simply change. We won’t change. No matter who holds the world. All we can do is lay low.” This is strikingly similar to The Merovingian and his motley crew of exiled programs from previous iterations of the Matrix: they are remnants of a bygone age, after successive resets.

What resets Soul Society (or possibly reality) is swapping Soul Kings.

Now what fucks everything up and makes this time different is the existence of Ichigo and Rukia. Ichigo is directly created by the fuckery of Aizen and Yhwach, much like Agent Smith was turned into Smith. The existence of Yhwach’s descendants, plus Aizen’s machinations, produces an unplanned-for feature. Something new. He’s easy to explain.

But Ichigo isn’t alone. He would’ve never gotten anywhere without Rukia. And Rukia is harder to explain.

Now Aizen says “The ‘true’ power of the Hougyoku is to read the minds of those around it and make manifest of what it finds there. […] You don’t understand? I’m saying that all of the ‘miracles’ that have occurred surrounding Kurosaki Ichigo, Kuchiki Rukia, and Urahara Kisuke thus far were manifested by the Hougyoku’s will.“ He goes on to say "And then I, armed with a hypothesis about the Hougyoku’s abilities, sent Kuchiki Rukia in the direction of Kurosaki Ichigo. Of course, there are limits to its abilities. The Hougyoku manifests what’s in the minds of those around it. But this will not happen unless the subject inherently possesses the power to fulfill their desire. By that token, this could also be called the ‘power that guides people toward their desires.’ … But living creatures are strange, they are made in such a way that they can actualize only what their minuscule minds wish for.”

First, notice how utterly fucking pissed Isshin is. Nothing else makes him remotely this upset. Nothing to do with Grand Fisher or Yhwach makes him even fractionally this agitated.

Now, stop and think for a moment. Does what Aizen said actually make sense? The Hougyoku does what those around it want, but it can only do so through what they are capable of. He also says that the Hougyoku has begun to understand his will… only just prior to explaining all this. Why does Aizen think he was previously outside of the Hougyoku’s influence?

Kisuke’s incomplete Hougyoku was hanging out in Rukia for a long time; presumably, out of anyone, it understood her will best. Aizen sent Rukia to Ichigo? No. Rukia wanted to go to Ichigo, and Aizen was the means to facilitate that, which coincidentally accorded with his desires too. Aizen is confusing cause and effect here through his own hubris.

How did Rukia know of Ichigo? Well, you could say she was looking for someone like Kaien. But there are inevitably many people like Kaien in the world and it could’ve guided her to any one of them. It took her to the only person who could do something about the world, which Rukia saw as fundamentally unjust. But how would the Hougyoku know about Ichigo? From reading Aizen’s mind? Maybe, but can it understand things like genealogy and ghost genetic engineering? It’s much simpler to say that it saw their connection.

I’m not going to relitigate all the material in Bleach which asserts that Ichigo and Rukia are connected and fated to meet one another, like the Sand and the Rotator chapters. But it’s out there, and the Hougyoku knew, so it put them together and warped everything around it to make that happen; to execute Rukia’s will, not Aizen’s.

My feeling is that Rukia and Ichigo form a single unit for the purposes of reality-disruption. They are the Pair, rather than Smith’s the One. Surprise, this is why Kisuke leaves it to them when he thinks he’s gonna die. He’s like the Oracle. Or something, this analogy is getting a bit loose.

Also, Ichigo’s whole thing is power, and Rukia’s whole thing is control. You might say they’re like a power source and a regulator. Water and a water wheel. Sand and a rotator.

So, much like Smith, they were going to change the outcome of their iteration in a way that couldn’t have been foreseen.

Then Kubo got his series cancelled because he spent too long drawing Doctor Juggalo fighting a giant hand, and Sword Hobo fighting Imagination Boy and Thor, so none of that happened.

tl;dr Kubo’s inability to stop himself from fucking with unimportant characters and unimportant plots, i.e., getting bogged down in the minutiae, is exactly what killed Bleach, along with trying to be too clever by half with things like Hueco Mundo as inverted Soul Society. Dude lost the plot and couldn’t see his own damn forest for the trees.

[ckcz]

100 questions ask game

I was tagged by @mysmoldarkfictionalsons <33 I tag @surelance @spacemcclain @k3ithkogane @bobaphichit and @angst-in-space and all my mutuals/followers :D!! You don’t have to do it but seems like a nice way to know ny’all better :’) 

1: When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal!

2: Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? what is a wintery day all I feel is humidity and tears

3: What random objects do you use to bookmark your books? random receipts 

4: How do you take your coffee/tea? Coffee- cold!!! with a like 2 spoons of cream and a LOOT O sugar 

5: Are you self-conscious of your smile?

My laugh mostly but I guess they’re similar?

6: Do you keep plants?

Yess my home balcony has many 

7: Do you name your plants? No??

8: What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Drawing drawing painting but not digitally? like sometimes I just take a watercolor paper and attack it with a paintbrush to vent

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I can’t hum! idk why so I singgg

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? stomachh

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? A beach potato flew around my room and a skeleton wants to bone me

12: what’s your favorite planet? ....earth...??? But I guess the next would be Saturn <3

13: what’s something that made you smile today? This little boy bumped into me and I went ‘ouch’ and he did this little gasp and held my hand I wanted to steal him

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? I have a feeling it would be really warm and fuzzy and a cupboard full of ready made soup powder cause I love soupp

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! If a baby was to be born in space, it would probably be born all deformed 

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? ??? I’m uncultured

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? red and brown highlights just tbh but If I was allowed to be crazy, dark purple <3

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. well I apparently spray painted ‘sex’ in neon orange in the school bathroom in my old school and I once did this complicated dab dance in front of the class nobody lets me forget it 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Oh yes I have a lovely black faux leather book and I just write random things that happened in the day or fanart ideas!! surprising amount of matt holt doodles

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Light brown or grey ugh I could melt 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t really have one?? but I do have this samsung laptop bag that has literally been with my like everywhere

22: are you a morning person? YES i love four am

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? drink cold coffee, lie on the bed and send stupid selfies to my friends

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yes <3

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

In my old school there would be the fourth floor where people aren’t allowed to go and I was just curious okay and I looked inside and a shitload of mirrors??? i have no idea

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? this weird ass pink sandals that say new york city on them

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? strawberry I guess?

28: sunrise or sunset? SUNRISE <3

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? This one girl randomly uses her pointer finger to just *flipflopflipflopflipflop* the tip of her nose and then she like blinks twice its so fucking cute okay

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? No 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. they succ. no? NO!?? yes. socks are weird even the word is weird I dislike them

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. not much to say sadly but this one time on a sleepover we got bored staying awake so we went to the neighbouring 24/7 store and got icecreams and then fell sick it was nice

33: what’s your fave pastry? I guess a.. brownie? I’m not that into baked stuff?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? didn’t have many wasn’t attached to them...

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yeS YES YES

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? I think? U2 for some reason

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean... :( but im weak

38: tell us about your pet peeves! people not closing the door

people stopping your music to talk to you

people putting a babY ON THE PHONE TO TALK TO ME

39: what color do you wear the most? greyyyy i love wearing grey

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? i have this one pretty crystal pendant that i bought on a roadtrip i love it 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? simon vs the homo sapiens agenda

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the starbucks at the mall? Its ceiling is covered in pipes and stuff for the electricity or heat or whatever but it has really comfy couches i love it

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My dog.. but a person? I guess this girl in my apartment who I sometimes just roam around with

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? last summer

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? No not really I seem to think about consequences a lot more lately but if I’m feeling it, yES

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. what’s up? - The ceiling.

I HATE THIS WITH MY ENTIRE BEING PEOPLE WHO SAY THIS SHOULD GO TO HELL AND BACK cause im mericful

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? tomatoes. die

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? leaving for college. No

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? idk i dont

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? bookmaRKS i have like 200 of them

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? never come back again by austin

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? cowboy hat!

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I don’t really care too much?

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my mom

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? yell ‘kavya is a bich’ into the school on the third floor 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when it’s people i LIKE? them

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? that song was my childhood so I love thhsdkjhsjkd just sang along

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I’m wine mom! S is vodka aunt bc it just fitss

59: what’s your favorite myth? apollo and hyacinthus

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I guess? I like phenomenal women 

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I gave a potato and received a small mirror that said -u r bootiful- on the back

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nahh

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? my bookshelves are BEAUTIFUL ilovethem and I just have my music playlists so??

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pastel blueee

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? yes

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? white flowers <3

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? aweSOME i have a special playlist for days like that

68: what’s winter like where you live? its rainy

69: what are your favorite board games? TERRA MYSTICAAAA and jenga

70: have you ever used a ouija board? nahh

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I don’t really drink tea?

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? YES OMG

73: what are some of your worst habits? my hands always get too excited so I fiddle a lot and tend to tear the edges of pages

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. the most reflective pretty eyes I’ve seen. has the best heart in the whole word. literally the embodiment of good and pure

75: tell us about your pets! HER NAME IS AMBER SHE’S A SHIHTZU I WOULD DIE FOR HER AND IF YOU HURT HER I’LL KILL YOU SHE’S THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED WORLD

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? writing an exam tbh it doesn’t count though

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink I had it once I liked it a lot

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? *walks away* don’t include me in your shenanigans

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? So I was about to leave my old school right? last day was over, finals were done, and the reality that I would lose all of them was just settling in. so I think my mom noticed I was depressed and she called up ALL of my friends in my group of pals and they came over even though they live all so far away and I was editing percy in a video and they just hugged me from behind I laughed and yelled i miss them

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? everything is purple I have purple wardrobes and walls and doors and yes. I did choose this color? Because I wanted blue but I also wanted pink at that age so I mixed them in and decided on purple!

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. water at zero gravity

82: are/were you good in school? Yesss

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? I love michl’s art? And Eden’s 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Maybe two! Idk I’m just a young potato I’ll see to it later

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I guess! I love asterix&obelix and tintin and I love omg check please and sharp zero 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

I listen to some of my dad’s so pink floyd’s I guess

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? The lion king movies and Fantastic Mr. Fox

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Im too asleep for this 

89: are you close to your parents? yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I LOVE KUALA LUMPUR its’adjabjkabkjadsbjaksd

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? NO WHERE i’m going to get a 10 cgpa and kick school in its ass

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? CHEESEEEEEEEE

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? two pony tails!

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? this old friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? study for finals 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? pretty quickly

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INJP, capricorn and I’m a slytherin!

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? last summer with my family and yeah

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. any Eden song tbh I just scream and now that Jo reminded me I’m crying to little wonders 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? five years into the future I’m just too scared to go through everything that happens in the next five

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/sundance-2018-day-5-chloe-moretz-conversion-therapy-ophelia-dark-money/

Sundance 2018 Day 5: Chloë Moretz Conversion Therapy, 'Ophelia' and 'Dark Money'

It's already the middle of the 2018 Sundance Film Festival season, and things are only getting better including Chloë Grace Moretz in The Miseducation of Cameron Post which is a big must see. This is her standout award-winning role so don't be surprised to see it pick up a few awards in 2019. As we previously reported, 16 of the 2018 Academy Award nominations were on films that Sundance had supported so you can expect this one to be yet another.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post

The titular heroine of The Miseducation of Cameron Post seems like any other pretty girl at her high school — until she’s caught making out with another female student and gets sent to an aggressive conversion therapy center. The latest comedy-drama from Sundance vet Desiree Akhavan premiered Monday in the U.S. Dramatic Competition. Chloë Grace Moretz offers a complex, winning performance as Cameron, who is sent to live in a Cuckoo’s Nest–like setting where she befriends the other so-called “bad kids” forced to endure “pray the gay away” treatment. The group of kids, including an amputee who goes by “Jane Fonda” (an affecting Sasha Lane), develop a strong connection and begin to create their own sense of validation, under the watchful eye of a Nurse Ratched–like doctor (Jennifer Ehle) and her gentle brother (John Gallagher Jr.), who the kids learn was once just like them. Fans of Akhavan’s previous rom-com Appropriate Behavior will notice the way she punctuates dramatic scenes with her distinctive humor in the new film, which she co-adapted along with Cecilia Frugiuele from the popular novel by Emily M. Danforth. “I read the book and laughed so hard, and I felt like shit too,” Akhavan told the audience during the Q&A that followed the premiere. “That was the goal.” Moretz, who said that she and Akhavan met with many conversion therapy survivors, added that she was struck by the script’s humor the very first time she read it. “One of our first conversations was about [how] the reality these kids deal with is so heavy, but we wanted the interpersonal relationships to be real and fun,” she said. The director said she was initially terrified of the project because the scope and the ensemble were so big. “I loved the book so much that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it,” she shared. “What’s amazing [as] a director is just having good taste and believing in that taste and never wavering in it. It’s a good film because I curated a very good team. I would have been too intimidated to make this without the tools I needed.”

Matangi / Maya / M.I.A.

“Never make films about people who are still alive.” The second-ever screening of a highly anticipated music documentary is news enough, but those who were at the Prospector Theater on Monday night were treated to a double dose of drama. The first part of the program happened on screen in the form of Matangi / Maya / M.I.A., a film that traces the rise of international pop star M.I.A. (aka Maya Arulpragasam) from Sri Lanka to London, from art school to activism, the Super Bowl and beyond. The film was directed by Steve Loveridge, Maya’s schoolmate from when they were both aspiring documentary filmmakers, and includes footage shot by both Loveridge and Maya herself, whose diary-like entries from a trip back to Sri Lanka in 2001 serve as a recurring motif for the narrative. The second part of the program happened on stage, as Loveridge was joined by Arulpragasam for a Q&A session that was notable for the level of candor and tension publicly exhibited by two artists coming to terms with the fruits of their collaboration and friendship. Throughout the 15-minute session, an emotional pendulum swung between them, and between a sense of peaceful accomplishment and tetchy unfinished business. Things started out tame enough as Loveridge talked of their initial connection. “We met at art school at about 1995, doing a fine art degree at Central Saint Martins, and we were specializing in film and video. This girl turned up from out of the blue with pink stilettos and hoop earrings and was like, ‘Hey I’m here.’ I was the shyest person ever, really timid. And it was a really unlikely friendship,” he said. During the ensuing years, they remained friends, and Maya remained more interested in film than music. “She never mentioned doing music or having any aspirations to do anything like make songs. She couldn’t sing,” he said, which elicited an eyebrow raise from Arulpragasam, “and then suddenly out of nowhere, as she says in the film—it happened so fast.” Then Arulpragasam, dressed in a big orange Muppet-shag-furry coat, took the mic. (The two shared a single microphone, and their passing—or stealing—it back and forth became a side drama throughout the session.) Without prompting, she began to share her feelings about the film. “Yesterday when I watched it, I was in shock. Today I feel like I like it,” she said. “Though there are still 300 different edits that I want. I feel like there’s loads of bits of me that don’t need to be there, really.” “I think everything’s there for a reason, and making sense out of chaos was a big part of the job on this,” Loveridge said. When asked about her specific grievances with the film, she continued. “I would change the ending,” she said. “And it would be less about me and more about…” “You can imagine how difficult this has been to make,” Loveridge said, to laughs, after recovering the mic. Then he turned to his subject. “You chose me and that’s what you get,” he said, to which the star smiled, and the audience roared. Arulpragasam was asked about the incident at the 2012 Super Bowl halftime show when she flipped the bird to the television audience, which led to further wrangling over the mic, though Loveridge said it was to protect the artist from saying something she wasn’t supposed to say, per a legal agreement with the NFL. She talked about her lack of representation, with a manager quitting the day before the incident, and a general lack of understanding of the challenges she faces, which she thought wasn’t fully covered by the film. “There really was a lot of stuff he left out. It’s not just misunderstanding from the press, which I think this feels like. It was also inside the industry, and it was chaos everywhere. People go, ‘Well you create it; you create it.’ But it was just sort of not having people that understand all the different communities that went into making up who I was,” she said. Then she looked back over to Loveridge. “It was very difficult to connect the dots,” she said. “But you did well.” Loveridge repaid the compliments, getting teary as he spoke of his friend of two decades. “The toughness and confidence that you have to have, on the street and backstage and in your private and family life, that confidence behind the scenes is even more impressive. The battles that nobody knows about, with record labels and shitty producers and men that don’t give you the credit. I’ve seen you battle through some really difficult things,” he said. “And I think your confidence is really contagious. You make me braver. I think it’s really precious the trust you gave me.” “I haven’t had therapy yet,” Arulpragasam said, eliciting laughs, before grappling in real time with what the film stirred up in her. “It feels like that’s what the art is there for, to work those things out. But the problem is that I haven’t gotten around to just making what I want to make. You just feel like a sponge for the stuff around you. So you get sucked into talking about those things. That’s kind of why this footage is really weird to watch for me. Like the stuff at home, it’s not even my family now. It hasn’t properly been dealt with.” When asked why more entertainers with huge audiences don’t use their fame to speak out about causes they care about, as Arulpragasam has throughout her career, she talked about the importance of her trip back to Sri Lanka and alluded to how things have changed in recent months. “I wasn’t political until I had gone there. Because I didn’t know,” she said. “I think that’s why even people with platforms, their intentions might be good and they might be good people, but they just don’t know what’s going on. Sometimes I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was seeing all of this craziness and nobody else was. But now I feel like I’m quite normal.” Yet she also talked about working out how and when to express herself. “What’s good anger and what’s not good anger? Everybody was like, ‘Oh my god you need to get a Twitter editor, you can’t have direct access to Twitter,’ which I know you guys say that about Donald Trump. But you said it about me first,” she said, slyly. “I’ve just tried to work what’s ego anger. If your anger is led by ego, then I think it’s shit.” Then Arulpragasam and Loveridge hugged, waved, and handed over their microphone, likely continuing their conversation backstage, and perhaps on other stages to come.

Dark Money

Citizens of the state of Montana have a keen sense of what can go wrong when corporations get involved in politics. In 1912, after a copper mining magnate tried to buy a seat in the U.S. Senate, the state passed one of the first laws prohibiting campaign contributions from corporations. That awareness of the need to prevent the excesses of capitalism has remained with Montanans to this day. Other states passed similar laws in later years, but when the Supreme Court’s Citizens United ruling was passed down in 2010 — allowing corporations to contribute without disclosure, resulting in unlimited, untraceable “dark money” to pour into campaigns around the country — Montana was the only state that fought back. Kimberly Reed’s Dark Money follows the government officials, journalists, and citizens who stood up for the integrity of the political process in the conservative state. As Reed brought the contributors on stage at the film’s premiere, she expressed her gratitude. She also reminded the audience that these individuals are not so different from the rest of us: “These are everyday heroes — who are working in government, who are journalists — who are taking back our democracy by just paying attention.” “Paying attention” may be a bit easier in a state with Montana’s population, but Reed wants to “show other states how they can pay attention so that every state is as small as Montana [and] we can pay attention to where this money is coming from and crack down on it.” Former Federal Election Commission member Ann M. Ravel said that the most important thing we can all do to help in this effort is to get involved. “You have to be engaged, and you have to get other people engaged too. … Engagement in the political process is the most important way that we can make a difference.” The group shared some ideas on how we can all do a better job of this: Vote. Contribute to candidates that support ideas like clean campaign funding. Volunteer. Support journalism, whether it’s independent or larger news organizations, by paying for subscriptions. Stay informed on campaign finance issues through resources like FollowTheMoney.org and OpenSecrets.org. Support laws that require full disclosure of political candidates’ finances. Get involved with your political party, which is sometimes more effective than focusing on just one specific issue. Run for office yourself. Hold your elected officials accountable, and make them answer questions about campaign finance. Those who worked on this story hope it will act as a case study for others around the country to follow. Reed explained, “Our hope with the film is to show what happened with the microcosm in Montana, but to do so in a way that is inspiring to everybody else in all the other 49 states. … All of us need work on this front.”

Ophelia

Easily one of the most lavishly made films of the 2018 Festival, Ophelia is a feast for the eyes. Adapted from Lisa Klein’s young adult novel, director Claire McCarthy’s retelling of Hamlet through the eyes of its tragic heroine debuted in the Premiere section Monday night. Daisy Ridley makes an appealing period heroine as the lady-in-waiting to the queen (Naomi Watts), who catches the eye of Prince Hamlet (George MacKay) as things in the palace begin to go awry. Forced to keep their affair a secret, many betrayals strike the court, and threaten to destroy a royal family forever, but don’t expect the film to end the way Shakespeare wrote it. This Ophelia is not the doomed teenager we’ve seen countless times. She’s a heroine for this age of female empowerment. McCarthy, whose long red locks resemble those worn by Ridley in the movie, explained that this revisionist look at the familiar story allows viewers to see gender parity through the frame in which women are often shut out of the conversation. “I think there’s a new frontier that we’re moving through when we start to see things through a different point of view by allowing women to have a voice and also to enable to have men have a voice in a different way,” she told the audience after the screening. “In the original play she’s undone by her relationship with Hamlet,” she said. “In this version, we wanted to turn that on its head and create an Ophelia that’s a much more empowered character who takes agency in her life and making choices as opposed to being a victim of them.” Watts, who plays dual roles including Queen Gertrude, agreed that this is a refreshing way to experience the classic story. “It was great to create these fantastic, multi-dimensional parts for women,” she stated. The actress also joked that she read the Cliff Notes of Hamlet and watched the Mel Gibson version of the film in preparation and noted the relevance of the story to modern audiences. “It’s not always easy to put Shakespeare on film,” she said. “The themes of the play and film are still so relevant today. We turned it on its head and drove it through the female point of view. It just makes it unbelievably relevant.” The director spoke about how the location (the spectacular scenery of Czechoslovakia, substituting for Denmark is a highlight) serves as a character in the story. “In some ways, it feels like the original Hamlet and the classic representations of Ophelia –– she’s viewed from above from a God’s eye view, and she’s almost consumed by nature and the world around her,” she shared. “In this version, we wanted to take the camera underwater and put Ophelia’s experience inside the drama. We wanted to see her as part of nature, not just a victim of the world around her.”

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