#never seen a character with it.. or met anyone in real life. knowingly at least.

[runicsorceress]

HEY

Trichotillomania isn't stupid or embarrassing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having trich and you are amazing regardless

wha.. who the fucks going through my blog!? havent mentioned that in ages.. never even said its name.

[tloujm]

Part XV: How About Now?

Author’s Notes: Nothing to see here but Joel slowly breaking out his dad jeans and interacting with the fic’s newest character. I hope y’all enjoy this one. It’s a little bit longer than the last two and its a build up to some major fluffy plot development.

Genre: Fluff with a couple drops of angst

Summary: Joel tries to bond with the new girl. He convinces you to go camping with him. The two of you take the relationship to the next level.

Ship: Joel x Reader

Joel’s boots crunched against the wet gravel as he found himself walking toward the daycare center. He knew that you’d be there. This week had been so busy for the two of you, that you’d barely gotten time to see each other. He acknowledged what the feeling was that pulled at his heart strings; he missed you. 

With the intention of pulling you away from your duties, if only for a moment, Joel walked inside and glanced around the play room for you. His eyes fell on something familiar, but it was not you. It was his jacket that he recognized, still wrapped around the shoulders of the new little girl who arrived in Jackson not so long ago. It was as if she had never taken it off. Joel noticed that she was sitting by herself at a table. As he walked closer, he found that she was drawing. His heavy footsteps alerted her, causing her to drop the pencil in her hand and look up at him. With a low grunt, he crouched down until he was eye level with her. 

She shrugged off the jacket and handed it to him. “No, you can keep it, kiddo. I have another.” He waved it away before she placed it on her lap like a blanket. “Let’s see what you’re drawing here. Oh, well now I believe this one is called a Velociraptor. Yep, I learned this from a little known movie that came out back in…’93 I wanna say. Some feisty creatures. They may have been small compared to the rest, but you wouldn’t wanna get on the wrong side of those fellas.” Joel said, filling up the air of the one sided conversation. “You ever seen a dinosaur in real life? S’pose you haven’t. That’s wayyyy before your time.” He attempted to make her laugh. “Technically, I’ve seen them, their bones at least. I used to go to science museums all the time before the outbreak. You’ve probably never been to one, have you?” He genuinely waited for an answer, to which she barely shook her head. “I know of one not too far from here. Maybe me and (Y/N) will take you one day if you’re up to it.” Joel got back up slowly and stretched his legs until his knees popped. He tipped his imaginary cowboy hat as a farewell and continued his search for you. 

Joel eventually found you in the backyard taking down laundry from the line. “Hi, darlin’.”

You put the clip back on the line and threw yourself into his arms. “Hey! I missed you.” Hearing you say that melted his heart.

“Missed you too. You know, I was thinking we should go campin’.”

“That’s random.” You laughed off his suggestion.

“Why? I reckon we can go hiking, fish, cozy up next to a fire, lay under the stars.”

“I don’t even know how to fish.”

“I’ll teach you.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I might be a bit rusty. I mean I haven’t gone fishing since I was a kid, but I’ll get back into the swing of things. But those other things, I know you like.”

“I mean I do, but we can do that here in Jackson.” You countered.

“Yeah, but it’ll be something different.”

“I don’t know, Joel. Ever since we settled here, we haven’t gone beyond the gates unless we had to.”

“C’mon now, don’t tell me you forgot about your birthday. The aquarium, remember?”

You glare at him knowingly. “How can I ever forget. But in my defense, I didn’t know we were going to leave the walls of Jackson. All you said was that it was a surprise and that was it. I just don’t want to run into any hunters or people from a hostile settlement.”

“I thought I was the worrisome one in this relationship.” Joel joked. “Listen, this ain’t our first rodeo. We’ve survived a lot out there and not for nothin’. People or clickers, we’re good at staying alive and even better at it when we’re together.” He placed his hands on your shoulders and rubbed them up and down your arms. “I promise we won’t go far. We’ll pick a patch of land along a recently cleared route. I trust you. You trust me?” You nodded. “Good! We’ll have fun! This is excitin’.”

“You know, I’ve never gone camping before.” You spoke up.

“Really? Not even an RV or cabin?”

You shook your head. “You know I love nature just as much as you, but I’m really just a city girl. I was used to seeing animals on tv or behind a barrier at the zoo. The wildest animal I’d ever seen before the outbreak was a raccoon. Maybe the occasional deer. The closest to hiking I ever did before was at a nature preserve park. It may all be outside, but damn, the actual woods are a whole other story.” He let out a light laugh. “Before the outbreak, I bought all my meat from the store and had a tendency to kill every plant I owned.”

“Well now look at ya, a natural country girl.”

You laughed. “I never chose this life. This life chose me.”

“It chose a lot of folks, but it suits you.”

“You don’t gotta butter me up anymore, I already agreed to go camping with you.” You said while giving him a sly smile.

“I mean it, it does.”

“Why do you wanna go camping anyway? I can see a hike for the afternoon, but everyday out there since the outbreak has felt like one big camping trip.”

“That wasn’t campin’. The difference is that campin’ is fun, you’ll see.” He tried to convince you.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” You said. He looked at you blankly. “Why though! We’ve been in Jackson for years now and you’ve never suggested it before.”

He shrugged. “Now just seems like a good time. Jackson’s in a good place. They won’t miss us for a day or two. Besides, we have some downtime coming up and I feel like I haven’t really gotten to spend time with you in awhile. I just want it to be you and me again for a minute.” He blushed at the last part.

You smiled at his defensive romantic side. “Kind of like a romantic weekend getaway?” You playfully wiggled your eyebrows.

He deepened the tone of his voice. “That’s exactly what it’s gonna be.”

“When should we go?”

“How’s the day after tomorrow sound?” He suggested.

“Sounds perfect.” You replied. The idea of camping was growing on you. The clothes line was now empty and the basket was full of folded linen. Joel followed you as you walked back inside to put them up. 

“Now, onto other business.” He began.

You looked back in confusion. “What else is there?”

“I don’t know if you recall, but I remember a certain someone promising another certain someone that she’d move in with that…certain some...the original someone…wait um...” Joel began stammering over his thoughts. “It’s you. That certain someone was you who promised that if I made you breakfast in bed, you’d live with me again; no more of this back and forth. And if you recall again, I did in fact make you that breakfast.”

“Pancakes and freshly squeezed orange juice? How could a girl forget? They were delicious by the way.”

“For bonus points, I do remember being right as well when I said there wasn’t gonna be any bloaters in that manor.” Joel added on. “So what do you say?” He asked, trying to hide his eagerness.

“Suppose you were right about that, so yeah sure.” You said.

He looked at you for a moment before looking down at his feet. “Don’t make it sound like you’re doing it because you lost a bet or somethin’. If you’re not ready, I have no intention of forcing you, but,” He lets out a sigh. “I guess I don’t understand why you wouldn't want to.”

“Joel, I didn’t mean to say it like that. I love you, you know that.”

“Sounds like a ‘but’ is coming on.”

“It’s just new to me is all. I know we’ve lived together once, but I’ve never had a serious relationship with anyone before you and I sure as hell never lived with a romantic partner before you. The outbreak happened right after I graduated college. I only ever lived with my parents and a couple of roommates. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve never had my own place before where it was just me doing whatever I wanted, however I wanted, wherever I wanted. I love spending time with you, believe me I do, but there’s something about having your own space, you know. I hate the way in which I got here, me having my own place, but I’ve grown to like it. Does that make me selfish?” You genuinely asked.

He let out a deep sigh. “No, it doesn’t. But, you know It’d be your house too. It won’t be you moving into my house; it’d be you coming back to our house. If you’re comfortable here, I can move in with you or we can find a whole new house altogether.”

“I don’t know, Joel.” You replied.

“Just think about it alright, darlin?” He requested. He stuck his hands in his back pockets and paced the floor around the linen closet. The air fell silent, but he wasn’t done pleading his case. He just had to find the words. “You may account your life experiences, or lack thereof, to being young, but you probably never thought about the fact that I’ve never lived by myself before the outbreak either. I was a teen dad. I went from living with my dad and brother to living with my daughter and her mother. After she left us, it was just me and Sarah all the way up until that day. After me and Tommy fell out, I was on my own for the first time. I...uh...It wasn’t easy; none of it.” He shook his head before looking at you with tired, pleading eyes. “I’m tired of being alone, (Y/N).” He sniffled and then you saw the corner of his mouth twitch up. “I know I’m not much to look at in the morning, but I want nothing more than to wake up next to you everyday. That’s where I stand, (Y/N), but if that’s not where you are, that’s ok ‘cause you’re the only one I’d wait for. I just want you to want this too.”

“Joel, I never...I” You tried to begin. He was right, you never thought about the fact that he always had someone. When you first met him, you grew to know him as a withdrawn, independent man. “I want to wake up next to you too, but not just that. I want to spend the middle of my day and end of my day with you too in our house.” You stood on your tiptoes and rubbed the pad of your thumb against his wrinkles. 

He closed his eyes at your touch. “I need you to mean that.”

“I do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too!” You smiled up at him.

“How much longer do you have here?” Joel inquired.

“I just have to finish folding the laundry.”

“Meet me at your place when you’re done. I’ll go and find some boxes.”

“Wait, what?”

“What better time than now? The rest of my day is clear and we still have a few more hours of daylight. What do you think, darlin’?” You playfully rolled your eyes at his eagerness, but seriously couldn’t think of a reason not to start today. 

[ll-underestimated-ll]

Answering All Questions from a Prompt Cos I Do What I Want

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid?

The first time he woke up to find that what he’d dismissed as being entirely the formation of one of his nightmares - was very much real. Prompted the realisation of just how much harm he was capable of doing.

2. Does your character have a deep and/or dark secret? If so, what is it?

Leo doesn’t let people know that his sire & grandsire never entirely aligned themselves with the Camarilla. Considering it took him some time to work that out himself he holds hope that at his current age people simply won’t go digging. There is also generally a lot of things he’s done in the name of fulfilling some role or another that he feels deep shame for. That’s less kept secret and more... he just doesn’t speak about it.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them?

Many. Regularly. Loss is simply part of un-life for him. The fact he hasn’t lost anyone near and dear to him over the last half a century hangs over him like a bad omen. He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. But a short list of the most notable losses that had an summary of their impact on him:  - Eldest brother : sickness/starvation ~1510 - resulted in Leo taking on a survivalist ‘me before others’ attitude. - Best friend : first feed post-embrace 1516 - made him terrified of himself for several years - First wife : Mother order him to burn her to death late-1520s - made him highly aware of the fact that he can be turned on people he’s cared about  - Ell (one of his ‘siblings’) : sent on a suicide mission Mother had him sign off on ~1630?1620? - was the last straw in hammering home what he’d already seen over the course of being blood bonded. They were all disposable to her, and it was only a matter of time before he’d meet the same fate. - Nossie he’d fallen for : execution 1940s - after he had committed several masquerade breaches Vindr ordered Leo to use trust he had with him to follow through with the execution. It’d been a long time since he’d killed someone that dear to him and the ease at which he did it unsettled even himself. 

4. Has your character ever been hurt or betrayed by someone they thought they could depend on? What happened?

Yes. He’d had ‘siblings’ try to double-cross him on plenty of occasions. Usually was via trying to pin the blame for something on him.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves?

Yes.

6. Have they ever committed a crime, or something they felt was wrong? What was it?

The entire Crimes Act. At least, as far as he has the capacity for doing so.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why?

Vindr. The time spent blood bonded to each other between 1860 - 1989.

8. Does your character have any enemies? If so, who and why?

There are several hunters based in the country he’s trying to figure out how to get rid off without causing a scene or draw any attention to. They’re a threat to his community. 

9. Is the character a victim of abuse?

Yes.

10. What were the character’s parents like? What was the affect the parents had on the character?

His father was a minor merchant managing the coming and goings of goods from his home village. His work placed them above standard serfdom allowing him the chance to learn basic reading and writing before his sire (Mother) adopted him. Any influence they had on him has long since been overshadowed by other things.

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms?

Burying himself in work and activities. Finding relatable aspects in fictional characters. Joking around and making the most of opportunities where he doesn’t have to take things too seriously.

12. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

After lifetimes of suffering he’d prefer to avoid it. However he does have a cruel streak and enjoy seeing other people suffer. Has that ‘it’ll build character’ and ‘it’s not that bad so suck it up’ sort of attitude towards other peoples shit. Sometimes he just wants someone to suffer as a way to exercise control over them.

13. What does it take to make your character cry?

Simultaneously a lot, and also real minor stuff. Ya know, the standard shit to come from suppressing/bottling up your reactions to incredibly straining situations. He’ll be cold and apathetic in some incredibly horrible situation he ought to cry about. Then some time later break down post screaming fit at some inanimate object because it wasn’t cooperating with him.

14. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Other than his prioritisation of maintaining his own power and survival over anything else? The fact he’s stuck at 16 years old. That’s an incredibly difficult thing to work around - even when in a relationship based purely on romantic feelings. These modern nights he feels that both physical and overall age lock him out of legitimate relationships entirely. To the point where he doesn’t even play at stringing people along on one sided things ~for the drama~ like he used to. 

This particular reason is what’s had him friendzoned by the twins, despite them being the best probably candidate and him pulling kind of a Edward on them.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Biggest fear is hard to pinpoint, but in general the concept of being completely helpless and not in control of his own actions. When scared he gets paranoid and hyper-vigilant of his surroundings. Very on guard towards any threats and looking for away to run away.

16. What are your character’s vices and bad habits?

Impulsiveness. Knowingly causing harm. Smoking.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not?

Absolutely. He doesn’t even like to think about what final death will have in store for him.

18. Would society call your character a good guy or a bad guy? what would they say they are?

From societies perspective from everything he’s been involved with - 120% a bad guy. He’d say the same and mark himself down as being an Anti-hero at best. 

19. What is your character insecure about?

His own paranoia causing him to flip from being impulse to being incredibly indecisive at times.

20.  What was something they struggled with greatly and how did they overcome it?

Being blood bonded. Overcome through a mix of share force of will and personal introspection.

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with?

While he doesn’t think he’d give his lives for them because that sort of behaviour is incredibly foolish in his eyes - his current found family from the past century. His central coterie of the twins and Alexandra in particular. He will throw just about everyone in his city under the bus in the name of protecting them. And, they’d do the same. In post-prince verse when his city falls Alex ends up the one sacrificing her life for him and god the guilt is sickening.

He’s quite happy with his current little familial circle but he’s hoping to get closer with Danny. Get him to be part of that found family circle properly.

22. If they could change just one thing about themselves, what would it be?

He’d like to have the capacity to care for people without feeling like he’s going to inevitably be their downfall.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this?

If we’re talking strong in terms of taking blows that can be taken I wanna say physically cos despite it being his lowest stat his Fortitude is high so he soaks damage fairly easily.

24. What is your character’s most important possession? Why?

He still has his signet ring from when he fled his Mother. Not even he knows just how much that it means to him. It’s intensely sentimental to him as the only physical possession he has left of that era of his life. Someone stole it from him while he was living in London and he made quite the mess of them to get it back.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them?

He flip flops wildly between caring intensely about what others think of him and not giving a singular shit. It depends on the crowd and his motivations. In general his preference is to have people to like him and see him as above them in some way.

26. What, in your character’s life, puts the most pressure on them?

The community he’s Prince of. He sees his role as being to protect them at the end of the day and sometimes that means doing things they don’t like. But doing things they dislike gets push back and push back de-legitimises his power as Prince.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion?

How he almost died when I used him briefly as a PC. Disgraced. Looked down upon with no dignity by everyone around him in a city he’s unfamiliar with. Nobody. Nothing. The last of his city. A waste of the self sacrifice from those he loved. Crying, screaming desperately trying to claw his way out of capture at the hands of those that don’t know tossing him in a holding cell where light can get to him will kill him.

28. What is your character’s greatest strength?

In mun’s opinion, the fact that despite everything he’s been through and seen...the fact that he just keeps going.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most?

Social manipulation so that combat is avoided in the first place. But, he’s always had a liking for firearms and actually quite likes using them. He dislikes fighting with his bare hands.

30. What makes them feel safe or secure? What makes them feel insecure or unsafe?

He feels most safe when either alone or the only people around him are those he has blood bonded. He feels deeply uncomfortable around kindred that are of a lower generation than him. With dominate as a main discipline he finds that not being able to resort to it suddenly makes all interactions with the person he’s interacting with very threatening.

[tohruhondaismydaughter]

I've just discovered there's people who hate Kakeru. Not dislike or don't get the hype about him but genuinely seem to hate him. Now obviously personal preferences are a thing but I seriously don't get where this hate could be coming from because with

1. Akito- phyically assaults people (including kids), held a teenager hostage for daiting & trying to take a box of her's that Akito already knew was empty & also stabbed someone after they tried to help her & left them to potentially die

2. Shigure- regularly makes perverted "jokes" about people who are underage (including the 16 year old girl who lives with him & cleans/cooks for him + he's family) & admits to manipulating everyone around him for he's own selfish goal regardless of how it could hurt others & that he dosn't really care about being kind even to the people he supposedly loves + he likes messing with people he knows are already terribly anxious & he also won in the end while never having to actually sacrifice anything important to him or really learn anything of value

3. Ayame- abounded he's brother to abuse till he was almost 30 & says various inappropriate things in front of & towards High Schoolers

4. Kagura- pretended to love someone 3 years younger then her who she saw as beneath her in a violent (though it was obviously in out-dated slap stick) way until she was like 18 & then slaps Tohru so hard she becomes uncounsious

5. Kureno- enabler of Akito despite no longer being supernaturally bound to her & knowingly fell for a High Schooler

6. Hatori- enabler of Akito & erasers people's memories when told to regardless of how he knows it'll hurt others

7. Katsuya- knowingly married (& later impregnated) isolated & homeless 15 year old Kyoko when he was in he's 20's after meeting her as a teacher in her middle school

8. Ren- everything about her

9. Kyo's sperm donor- everything about him

10. Momiji's parents- how they handled the situation

11. Machi's mum- raised her daughter like a robot, replaced her, insulted her entire personality, acussed her of attempted murder with bassically zero evidence, kicked her out of her home, cut her off from her sibling & only ocasnially calls to insult her leading to her developing a rather unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with her damaged mental health

12. Machi & Kakeru's dad- cheated on his wife, made he's kids fight over thier inheritance before getting another child & then treating the first two like they no longer exsisted

13. Kakeru's mum- took years to realise that she shouldn't use her child to get money/power from an affair

14. Haru- got a little too insistent about phyical affection from someone who he knows is super emotinally scarred (I still love him though just don't think certain scenes with Rin were handeld as delicately as they probably should have been) & can get rather harsh to random people when he goes dark (the worse case of this being when he grabbed Tohru's arm)

15. Rin's parents- belong in hell

16. The Sohma maids (especially the old one)- are part of the reason Akito became as messed up as she did + just straight up seem to not view kids or the zodiac as human beings with thier own feelings or rights

17. Uo's mum- straight up abounded her young daughter after getting into a new relationship

18. Yuki & Ayame's mum- narsastic, dismissive, controlling, litrually sold one of her kids to thier abuser in exchange for wealth/status, never apologised or even acknowledged what she had done

19. Akira- pursued a relationship pretty much out of pure lonleyness, went along with the suppression of Akito's biological gender, didn't do enough to protect Akito from he's wife's abuse (though in he's defense he was incredible sickly), last few things he told he's child before dying was that he was glad he had her as proof of he's relationship with Ren (AKA the person that had made it clear to Akito that she hated her guts) & that she was special due to being god & her bond with the zodiac was her birth right & would always be there (leading Akito to obviously feeling possessive & intilted over the zodiac & base her entire identity on her position as their god)

20. Kyoko- neglected infant Tohru for months due to her depression after Katuya's death & was even planning on killing herself to be with him again before finally coming to her senses (I love her & I tottally get why she did what she did but if it weren't for gramps little Tohru would have been in one hell of bad situation)

21. The Yuki Fan Club- just thier entire attitude towards Yuki & any girl that interacts with him (I get that it's obviously a delibretly over the top anime gag but irl the way they behave would be seriously disturbing & I'm pretty sure might even be illegal now what with all the photos taken of Yuki without he's knowledge)

22. The former school president- he's creepy fravriotisim towards Yuki (& later he's son) & he's flat out harrasing of anyone wearing the school uniform in a none tradishinal way or anyone with an unusual hair colour (despite him bassically admitting that the school officials had already said that Momiji, Haru & Kyo's appearances were ok)

23. Kimi- I like her & she's obviously iconic but honestly the way she treats Machi kind of borders on bullying sometimes for me

24. Hiro- he's a child & I like him but when we first met him you can't deny he was being a grade A shit to Tohru, Kisa & everyone else (& he fucks up again with Tohru during the beach arc)

25. Rin- love her so much but the first time she met Tohru she did try to kick her in the head while in her horse form which you know isn't great & she was rather antagonistic towards Yuki for no real vaild reason

26. Kyo- using Yuki as a scape goat he's entire life even when he knew none of the terrible things that had happened to him were actually he's fault, hurting Tohru in he's true form (I get that he wasn't in he's right mind & was suffering greatly but it still wasn't good) & rejecting Tohru after everything they had been through in the way that he did (again he wasn't in he's right mind & was suffering greatly but it's still an incredibly low blow & I think he knew that as he tragically wanted to hurt her, similar to what he did in the true form scene, badly enough that she would finally choose to give up on him)

27. The entire zodiac (outside of Kagura & maybe Momiji)- it is revealed that the zodiac are supernaturally inclined to look down on the cat & that they know about Kyo's tragic fate yet do not plan on trying to stop it from happening as he's suffering is thier one true reprieve in the curse as no matter what happens to them they will never be as "low down" as the cat yet once the curse finally breaks for everybody almost nobody even thinks to apologises to Kyo for how he was made to be an outsider since birth

28. Naohito- decides to hate Yuki out of jelousy because he has feelings for Motoko (who clearly has feelings for Yuki) despite Yuki showing no romantic feelings for Motoko & barley sharing any kind of connection with her at all which is obviously not fair as just because you happen to be liked by someone who is liked by someone else dosn't mean you should have to except being seen as a bad person (especially as in Yuki's case he never tried to encourage Motoko's obsession with him & in fact barley notices her exsistance as they aren't in any of the same social circles & she follows the ridiculous club rule of not speaking to him without another fan club member present)

29. Yuki- rather judgmental over how others choose to present themselves in regards to gender norms

30. Momiji- I love him but he did try to take advange of Tohru not knowing how old he really was to bath with her & did actually mange to use this fact to sleep along side her one night before she found out how old he actually was (now obviously Momiji is a wonderfully kind person & clearly would never actually do anything to hurt Tohru but let's be real if someone did that to you irl you'd be pretty creeped out & understandably have a hard time trusting them again)

31. Yuki & Ayame's father- has always been complety missing from he's kids lives (& even seemingly he's wive's) despite being mentioned to be still alive & well enough to work

32. Uo's dad- getting dumped for someone else must suck especially when your left with a young child & I know he did eventually clean up he's act but there's no changing the fact that he's years as an alcholic messed up Uo really bad & could have led to her death if Kyoko hadn't stepped in

33. Kazuma- I know he had good intentions & I love him but there's no denying that he did ignore Kyo's right to free will when he removed he's bracelet & though the plan ended up making he's life better if it had gone wrong in any way then Kyo had pretty much admitted (at least to himself) in S2E9 that he would have probably killed himself that night which would have clearly destroyed Tohru

34. Kyo's mum - she was obviously treated terribly by her husband & I do feel sorry for her but her way of dealing with the situation really damaged Kyo

Your really telling me that the character you have the most issues with is a boy who said a few horrible things to the MC when he was 15 in service of someone he loved who was in pain, got told by said loved one that what he'd said was wrong, felt bad about it, befriended a lonley teen that was close to the MC, quickly grew to genuinely care about them & made them come out of thier shell, wanted to help he's half sister but knew he wasn't really the right person for the job, realised that he's new friend was, encouraged the friend & he's sister's growing connection, learned how good of a person the MC has been to he's new friend, admits to he's friend that he'd been horrible to the MC in the past but just dosn't know how to go about rectifying it (especially as she dosn't seem to remember him), introduces he's friend to he's GF (further expanding the friend's positive social circle), finally bumps into MC alone & is shocked to find out that she dose now in fact remember him & even appoliges to him + thanks him for bringing her friend out of thier shell before he comes to he's senses & assures her that she has nothing to apologise for & then visits her in the hospital when she gets injured & even goes shopping for a gift to give her beforehand (even if he dosn't end up getting her something that actually fits her personality because well duh he dosn't really know anything about her).

Out of every questionably moral thing in the series this is really the hill you wanna die on?

I just honestly can't understand it. Sure he's not perfect but then no one in the series is. That's kind of the entire point of the story, that anyone can do things that hurt people but that it's what you choose to do going forward (even if it takes you a long time) that's important & Kakeru, eventually, chose to try to do the right thing. He tried to understand Yuki even though the guy didn't seem to like him at all, he chose to check up on Machi even though she seemingly hadn't made any sign of wanting to deepen thier sibling bond, he chose to finally talk to Tohru instead of continuing the ruse that he'd never spoken to her before, he chose to come clean about what happened to Yuki despite the potential of ending their friendship (& you can't tell me once he'd realised how much Yuki cared for Tohru the very real possibility that Yuki might hate him if he found out what he'd said to her wouldn't worry him at all) & he chose to visit Tohru in the hospital instead of just wishing Yuki luck or hoping Kormaki would go so he could avoid feeling uncomfortable.

You don't have to love him or even like him but I really don't think he deserves this amount of hate (especially incomparsion to some of the other characters I've listed).

[in-your-language]

If I Can’t Have You

Hello! So I ended up deciding to post this (thanks to anyone that commented on my last post!), I hope it’s okay <3

Summary:

"The number of times he had slipped into a daydream where he finally gathered the confidence to ask Sam out was ridiculous in its own right, but really, how could it be his fault when Sam was constantly walking around looking like that."

A.k.a Grizz is very much into Greek tragedies and Sam Eliot.

[AO3 link in the reblog]

~

Grizz had somewhat of a committed relationship with Greek tragedies, and Wikipedia pages about Greek tragedies, and books about Greek tragedies. He also had somewhat a committed relationship with Sam Eliot’s Instagram profile, given how much he brought it up on his phone, but that was a matter for another time.

 “The Trojan Women,” he announced louder than intended as he set the play down in front of Gordie. 

 The boy smiled, watching with curious eyes as Grizz took the seat opposite him. “I’m starting to think you have a thing for tragedies, Grizz. Sure you’re okay?” 

 “They have the best lines,” he explained, smiling back at Gordie as he began flicking through. “If it's not a tragedy then the characters don’t have any time to get all deep and philosophical.” 

 “But of course. Grizz the random reciter of meaningful play lines.”

 “I take my job very seriously,” Grizz nodded, smile widening when Gordie began to laugh.

 It was a miserable Thursday afternoon, with rain splattering against the windows and pattering against the roof. The large yellow lamps hanging above their head provided the library with warmth, particularly in comparison to the dull atmosphere outside. 

 “So what have you found out about it?” asked Gordie, leaning forward in his seat. 

 “Well - it was written during the Peloponnesian War,” he responded, eyes flicking over some of his annotations. “The Athenians were getting ready to dispatch a massive expeditionary force to attack Sicily. Very nice of them.” 

 Gordie moved around the table then, settling down in the seat beside Grizz, and their discussion about the historical context alone ended up lasting about 40 minutes. Wars were complicated in Grizz’ defence.

 It was when the bell chimed, alerting them to other students, that Grizz allowed his eyes to wander. It was Sam who walked in, alongside his friend Becca. She was signing animatedly to him, whilst he looked over with a smile.

 Grizz didn’t lose his composure often, but seeing Sam that day, hair disarrayed from the beanie he was wearing, smile bright enough to light up a whole damn room, suddenly it felt like the world was collapsing around him.

 Sam’s eyes found his across the room as they always did, and he offered Grizz a playful smile before returning his attention to Becca again. Grizz let out a scarily lovesick-sounding sigh.

 Gordie chose that moment to clear his throat, eyebrows shooting up knowingly as he looked over at Grizz. He hesitated for a moment, clearly trying to be careful with his words.

 “You know...I’m not sure if you’ve seen, but there’s this movie called Love, Simon that seems pretty cool. It’s not a Greek tragedy but we could still watch it sometime if you wanted.”

 Grizz snorted. The subtlety was astounding.

 “Um,” he paused, trying to bite back a smile. Gordie was only trying to be supportive, after all. “Yeah, sure. That’d be nice. Saturday at my place?” 

 “Sounds like a plan! I’ll bring the popcorn.” 

 Grizz glanced back at Sam again, before sighing again and standing up from his chair. “I should probably get back to the team now, I’m sorry. Another session next Monday at lunch?” he asked, carefully closing the books that were scattered across the table and placing them in his bag. 

 “Sure,” said Gordie, following suit. He looked over at Sam too this time, smiling wide. “He’s cute,” he added, before turning around and heading towards the exit. 

 Grizz was left standing there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. He heard a giggle in the corner of the room, and he looked over to find Becca covering her mouth with her hand, Sam laughingly shushing her. He tried to ignore the pang of hurt in his chest as he slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way over to the exit. 

 Who was he kidding, he thought miserably as he walked, splashing through grey puddles. She was beautiful - everything Sam could’ve ever wanted. 

 ~

 “Now - what are we gonna do, guys?” Clark asked fiercely, fist raised in the air. 

 Grizz rolled his eyes and disappeared as subtly as he could into the background, preferring not to get involved with all the shouting. 

 “We’re gonna smash it!” came the responding chorus from the football team, Luke’s and Jason’s voices somewhere within the mix. 

 He looked out at the grandstands, shaded against the beaming sunlight that had broken up their week of rain. He was looking for someone in particular - he always was - but that didn’t mean he was going to admit it to himself. Butterflies flooded his stomach when a pair of blue eyes met his own, and suddenly he felt about twelve years old all over again. 

 Sam offered him another wave (they seemed to be getting more frequent and the idea of that terrified Grizz as much as it excited him), taking his hat off his head and holding it out in front of him. Grizz squinted for a moment as he read it, then a wide smile appeared on his face.

 It had ‘Go sports!!’ printed on it, and Grizz suddenly felt so much fondness for this boy that it was slightly overwhelming. 

 Despite never having exchanged anything beyond ‘hi,’ he had somehow managed to develop a full-blown, all-consuming crush on Sam Eliot and honestly, it was kind of ruining his life. Once, he was so caught up in Sam smiling at him that he walked into a pole for starters. The number of times he slipped into a daydream where he finally gathered the confidence to ask Sam out was ridiculous in its own right, but really, how could it be his fault when Sam was constantly walking around looking like that.

 Suddenly there was clicking in front of his face, and he tuned back into the real world to find Clark hovering in front of him. “Dude, the game’s starting! How the fuck are you day-dreaming now?” 

 Grizz immediately sprung to his feet with a hurried “sorry”, shaking his limbs out as he followed Clark onto the field. 

 The sound of a loud, shrieking whistle soon filled the air and all the boys around him were off. Grizz couldn’t help but sneak glances over at Sam, and when he wasn’t doing that the boy somehow managed to stay on his mind regardless. His movements all felt contrived, and his limbs weren’t cooperating, and yeah okay - who the fuck gave Sam the right? 

 There was insistent sunlight beaming down on him, and constant shouts ringing out in the air, and all Grizz could think about is what it would be like to feel Sam’s lips pressed against his. 

 He hated his brain sometimes. 

 It wasn’t a spectacular fail in the end - they won - but it was uncomfortably close for the team’s liking, and the general consensus was that Grizz had messed up big time. 

 “Dude, where the fuck was your mind that whole game?!” Clark exclaimed, waving a hand in front of his face. 

 “Fuck off, Clark. I was just having a bad day,”  Grizz muttered as he shimmied into a pair of jeans.

 “I’ve never seen you that off your game though,” Luke chimed in, walking over to the boy and placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “Sure you’re okay, bud?” 

 Grizz hesitated for a moment, gaze wondering past Luke’s shoulder, before letting out a resigned sigh. “There’s just this person I like that I haven’t really been able to get out of my head.”

 Jason, who had been changing off to the side, froze almost instantly at the words. Clark had a huge grin painted across his face, while Luke seemed shocked more than anything. 

 Grizz didn’t blame them. He was rarely one to talk about romantic feelings no matter how much the boys prodded him, always shutting down any mention of the topic. But now that Sam had come into the picture and Grizz was reconsidering his whole stance on not coming out until College... 

 “Who’s the girl that’s finally managed to melt your heart of ice then, man?” Clark asked him, looking overly pleased by the confession. 

 “I’m not telling you guys,” Grizz said simply, shrugging as he pulled a shirt over his head.

 Luke’s mouth fell open. “What?! Why?” 

 “You won’t know her,” he insisted, pushing past Clark to grab his gym bag. 

 “At least a description?” Jason begged, hands clasped together in front of him.

 Grizz looked over at the trio, gaze hard, before rolling his eyes and slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Ginger hair. Blue eyes. Wears a lot of sweaters. Into books. That’s all you’re getting,” he told them, before leaving the change rooms. 

 Jason looked after him, shaking his head. “So he’s into a nerd then?”

 “Don’t knock nerds,” said Luke with a shrug as he pulled on his own shirt. 

 “Is there even a ginger girl in our year?” Clark asked. 

 Grizz just shook his head as he walked away, trying hard to bite back a smile. 

 ~

 Grizz had never been the scandalous kind, but looking across the room at Sam he came to the conclusion he’d happily sneak around with that boy forever if it meant being with him. That is, if that’s what Sam wanted of course, which he didn’t. The rumours around Sam being gay were just that. Rumours. And Grizz couldn’t bring himself to believe that Sam didn’t like Becca with the way he looked at her.

 That’s why it was a little startling for Grizz to be pulled into a random janitor’s closet by Sam of all people. Given the context, it hadn’t been totally weird. A practise intruder alarm had sounded across the school while Grizz was out collecting something from his locker. Perfect timing, if you ask him. Before he knew it, the classroom doors were being locked and the blinds were being drawn, leaving him standing there like an idiot until Sam pulled him aside.

 The good news was that he wasn’t going to be told off by a teacher for being out and about. The bad news was that he was currently stood in the world’s smallest janitor’s closet, so close to Sam that he could barely breathe.

 Grizz blindly reached for the light switch, and after a few failed attempts the lamp hanging above their heads flickered on. 

 He swallowed thickly. “Hey.” 

 Sam smiled apologetically. “Hey. Sorry for being so sudden,” he responded, signing along.

 “It’s okay,” he smiled back, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

 Grizz wracked his brain for any ASL he knew, but frustratingly enough he came up blank. Well - except for...

 Bullshit, he signed, which had Sam bringing a hand up to his mouth to stifle his laughter.

 “It’s the only sign I know,” he explained, feeling a blush rising on his cheeks as he spoke. 

 Sam nodded, smile fond as he leaned back against the wall. Grizz cleared his throat, hands nervously clasped together in front of him. 

 “I um...I liked your hat! From the game.” 

 “Oh, thank you. I worked very hard on it,” said Sam with a nod, voice playful.

 Grizz actually fucking giggled at that, and for a second he was convinced that he had actually somehow managed to become twelve again. 

 The alarm was still blaring around them, and for a few moments, Grizz had almost forgotten about it. He bit his lip as he returned his gaze to Sam, obnoxious little butterflies filling his stomach. 

 Sam smiled faintly. “I see you looking at me a lot,” he spoke, hands signing along. 

 Grizz, without seeming dramatic, wanted the ground to swallow him up whole so he’d never have to deal with this conversation. This conversation with a cute boy who had definitely noticed all of his creepy staring.

 “Sorry,” he managed, blushing like an idiot all over again. “It's uh...something I do a lot. Zone out.” 

 Sam raised an amused eyebrow. “So it’s just zoning out?” 

 Grizz bit his lip and nodded, heart racing now.

 “That’s a shame. I thought maybe you liked me.” 

 And suddenly Grizz was considering the idea of this being a dream because what the actual fuck did Sam just say? His heart couldn’t take this. 

 “I - wait - um, do you...do you like me?” he spluttered out, embarrassed beyond belief. 

 Sam just smiled teasingly and shrugged, seeming about ten times more confident than Grizz felt.

 “I don’t know. Do you like me?” 

 Grizz hesitated for a moment, looking anywhere but Sam as he contemplated on how the hell he should respond. 

 “...Yeah,” he managed, voice higher than he would’ve liked, but then he remembered that he was an idiot and the boy couldn’t hear him anyway.

 Sam gave him a beaming smile.

 I...like...you...too, he signed, movements slow. Grizz got the message, and he honestly had to refrain from pinching himself.

 There they were - standing under a dangling yellow light amongst cleaning supplies in a closet that was criminally small, looking at one another as though waiting for something more. Waiting for one of them to break. 

 Sam swallowed, hints of nervousness shining through as he took a step forward, and that was enough for him to be right in Grizz’ space. Grizz let out a shaky exhale, bringing his hands up to rest on the boy’s waist. He had no idea whatsoever what he was doing, but he at least wanted to look as though he did.

 Sam took this a cue, smiling slightly as he shuffled forward, allowing Grizz’s arms to wrap fully around his waist, before looping his arms loosely around Grizz’s neck.

 Grizz was vaguely aware in the back of his mind that the alarm had stopped by now, but that seemed so distant he ended up ignoring it.

 Sam inched closer, on his tippy toes now, and Grizz’ heart was officially soaring. He closed the final gap between them both, brushing his lips against Sam experimentally before drawing back again. Sam chased him, pulling him in and firmly connecting their lips. 

 Yeah. Okay. Grizz could definitely confirm the real thing was far better than imagining it, because holy shit.Sam’s lips were soft and slightly chapped against his own, and his hands were feather-light against his skin, brushing up his arms now (when had they left his neck?) Why he had wasted so much time pining when kissing felt this good was absolutely beyond him.

 From that point on he relied almost entirely on instinct, which must’ve explained why he was suddenly lifting Sam up and setting him down on the wooden crate behind them, never disconnecting their lips. Sam pulled away for a moment, eyes alight with mischief as he gave Grizz a playful smile, before pulling the boy back in, hands travelling up to his hair now and tugging ever so slightly. The action pulled a small (embarrassing) gasp from Grizz, and he felt Sam’s smile widen.

 It was when they heard shouting outside that they jumped apart, Sam hopping down from the wooden crate and Grizz frantically attempting to straighten his shirt. The door to the closet was thrown open and Luke was stood there, Clark and Jason right behind him. 

 Grizz swallowed, running a hand through his hair. “Uh. Hey guys.” 

 “We’ve been looking all over for you dude!” exclaimed Clark. “What are you doing in here?” 

 “The classrooms were locked,” explained Grizz as he stepped out into the corridor, Sam following close behind. “It seemed like the next best place.” 

 Luke was still looking between him and Sam, eyes narrowed sceptically. Grizz saw his eyes travel from Sam’s hair, to his face, to his sweater to - oh fuck he’s worked it out. 

 It didn’t take a genius, Grizz supposed. He and Sam were still panting a bit, shirts and hair in disarray, glances at one another awkward. That, on top of his blatant description of Sam, really wasn’t helping him in the slightest.

 “Let's go, guys,” Luke said suddenly. 

 Clark and Jason gave him incredulous looks. “Why?” 

 “Let’s just fucking go, okay? Teacher’s probably waiting for us anyway,” he repeated, dragging them both with him down the corridor. He glanced over his shoulder when he reached the corner, giving Grizz a wink. Grizz smiled gratefully and gave him a wave in return. 

 “That was fun,” said Sam, smiling over at the boy. 

 Grizz bit back a smile of his own and nodded, giddiness setting in over what had happened. 

“We should uh...do it again sometime? Maybe not at school, though...unless you want to.” 

 Sam’s smile took a mischievous edge. He leaned over to press a quick kiss to Grizz’s cheek. “I don’t mind school, but maybe we could see each other over the weekend? My parents aren’t home on Sunday.”

 Grizz smiled. “It’s a date.”

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 100 Thoughts

“He has the power to wipe out the entire human race, and if we believe there's even a 1% chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty. And we have to destroy him.”

Look, if you design a character who agrees with Batman in Batman v Superman, you just sorta have to accept that bad things are going to happen to him.

Though, since we are talking about it...

Now, I’m not making any giant leaps here.

All I’m saying is that technically all Eldians have the name of their mother in common.

Which means Eren’s going to die, Reiner’s Batman, and Wonder Woman is still waiting for her musical cue. Also, War Hammer is Doomsday.

#spoilers

Obviously I missed out on calling Falco Robin, which is even more tragic due to where his life story looks to be taking him, but then we have to get down to assigning a Joker, and I guess Gabi’s a pretty easy Batgirl, but I have a chance here to keep one of these posts short, and I can’t do that if fanfiction is being written in the margin.

Also, I think someone would yell at me if I suggested Zeke for Wonder Woman (heislookingbackatabattlefieldheisdepartingsotheblockingisthereevenifthemoralcenterisn’t) so let’s just stop.

Okay, so the brief summary of this chapter is ding-dong, the witch is dead, only there’s some disagreement over whether it was a good witch or a bad witch. A similar disagreement is ongoing regarding the perpetrator.

Truthfully, the one thing that can be said is that the good or bad witch’s slippers are unlikely to be taken by the good or bad witch who slayed him. They won’t fit, and the good or bad witch murderer already has the most powerful magic in the land.

The briefer summary is that Willy Tybur continues to be terrible, only in such a way that it’s confused for nobility, and I am so very tired of Marley.

He’s willing to die for his belief that his people are irredeemable monsters that should be eradicated--but he’d still rather they not be, because life gives him the warm fuzzies, and maybe the people whose abuse his family’s been profiting off deserve warm fuzzies too.

The idea of a nobleman looking at the life of luxury he has at the cost of his own people, and choosing to make steps to change the world for the better, is not a bad one. Doing that despite a wholehearted belief in their inherent evil is actually very interesting. It’s one more bit of cognitive dissonance that allows Willy to feel guilt over what has been done to his people, even though he thinks the world would be better off without them, and doesn’t mind killing large numbers of them.

At his core, all he is is a man who wants to live in the world he’s been born into, and he’s willing to sacrifice that life for a better world.

Here’s the problem.

His version of a better world is blaming Paradis for everything so that everyone can run off holding hands to murder them all.

He’s willing to die to make that vision a reality.

He’s never met anyone on Paradis. He’s never tried to talk to anyone from Paradis. He’s used diplomacy with nations in the rest of the outside world to ease the horrific damage Marley being Marley has caused itself, but not once with Paradis.

When it comes to the island, murder is always the only solution.

Willy Tybur is the one Eldian with a position in the world that can make a real difference. He can get ambassadors to change their minds. Despite never taking advantage of it, he does have control over Marley. Under his direction, Marley might have avoided the mass series of war crimes that the rest of the world hates them for.

(not that we have any idea why that is)

He doesn’t go that route.

He determines that the best path to world peace is uniting the world to kill his ancestors’ scapegoat.

Martyrdom is not a thing you do because you’re too lazy to put effort into actual change.

It’s easy to look at what Eldians are capable of from birth and call them monsters. It’s easy to say that, obviously, they never should have existed. Even if you have that same blood, and want to be alive, it’s very, very easy to reach that conclusion.

What’s difficult is carving your place into a world that is predisposed to hate you. It takes time, and concentrated effort. It takes giving a damn about treating people decently.

Willy has the means to forge a peaceful, humane coexistence between Eldians and the rest of the world. Or at least the means to make that attempt.

He chooses to forge his peace in the blood of other Eldians. The fact that he’s willing to die for that outcome doesn’t magically turn it into a noble gesture. He’s strong enough to make a decision that will cost countless lives in a war based on nothing but fear and prejudice. And that would be after knowingly sacrificing people he thinks of as less worthy to a terrorist attack.

Ding-dong.

Speaking of, Eren’s response to Willy’s declaration isn’t exactly on the moral highground you’d appreciate from your protagonist, so that’s nice. His lunge is as horizontal as possible, but it would take authorial intervention to keep him from killing civilians when he goes after Willy.

The only way this doesn’t seem like a very bad idea is if Eren agrees with Willy’s decision.

...I want more of a warmup before looking at that too closely.

Elsewhere, Titans in pits.

Or not.

Zeke’s still the only one walking around free. Galliard and Pieck are out of whatever fight’s coming next.

None of that appears to be expected on the Marley side. It looks like they wanted their Warriors gathered when everyone went horribly wrong. Possibly to keep the level of wrongness to a minimum. How thoughtful.

It seems pretty fair to guess that Galliard and Pieck are the work of Eren’s friends, but Zeke and his fancy glasses that hide his eyeballs are a little harder to pin down. We get one shot of him, walking alone.

I’m willing to leave that for another month though, so to the other pit!

Falco being the Eren to Eren’s Reiner is painful. Here he had this thoughtful adult encouraging him all the way into committing treason. He was just being a good person, and Eren takes advantage of that.

And right after all of that hits, he gets to watch Mr. Braun self-destructing, and hears about dead friends and mothers.

Falco’s a good kid. Assuming that Reiner gets him out of this alive, he isn’t only going to take death and betrayals from this. He understands the toll of being a Warrior, and understands enough to hate that people are okay with Gabi selling her life to the role.

Eren looks right at him and says that the people inside the walls are the same as the people outside. I don’t know how well the doubt will stick, but if nothing else, I think there’s a good chance that Reiner won’t be able to keep up the lies about Paradis demons--to Falco, anyway.

Falco’s in this spot because he cares about people no one else sees. I don’t know how much of his path can be changed, given the decisions made this chapter, but I hope that the idea that everyone involved in this war is a person sticks with him.

Even though that will be infinitely more painful than just being a participant fighting off demons.

Oki doki, so.

Eren.

Eren has gone on a very educational journey of learning that people are people. Willy even helps him along by directly quoting something Eren says way back in Trost.

“Because... I was born into this world.”

They’ve all been born into this world, and they all want to live in it, freely.

Time to go attack that island!

Eren spends most of his time in the pit prying everything that went through Reiner’s head out of him. Not for the sake of condemning it. Just to hear the honest words of a man like him, who caused incredible pain in the name of saving the world.

Their whole talk is about their similar intentions and circumstances, and being understood. And finding forgiveness on a road that doesn’t deserve any.

“This whole time... it was painful for you, wasn’t it?”

“I think now... I understand that [...]

I was right. I’m... the same as you.”

So

Yeah, Eren brings down the house.

The final page is his hands extended in Titan form the same way Willy’s are when he makes his declaration.

Reciprocity. Yay.

There are a few concerning things here.

The murder’s pretty low on the list.

These would be the panels that earn Eren the kind of looks Reiner is the recipient of when he’s going through his identity trouble.

Eren, last seen back home speaking as his father and Eren Kruger, has supernaturally granted identity troubles, and not recalling death threats to the point of asking Reiner to ignore that they happened is... weird. Whether or not it means anything, who knows, but Eren’s general stability seems to be mimicking the style of someone who has recently done pot up to his magic handshake. There’s so much personal history involved that it makes sense that Eren’s the one mostly behind the wheel, but... yeah, I’ll stick with weird.

Adding to that is what he says during the magic handshake.

(the magic comes from friendship)

“I just keep moving forward. Until my enemies are destroyed.”

Once upon a time, Kruger explains to Grisha what the Attack Titan is all about.

“No matter the age, this Titan has always moved ahead, seeking freedom. It has fought on for freedom.”

Eren has altered the deal. Pray he doesn’t alter it any further.

No, but I’m not big on speculation. I like waiting to see what the next month brings instead. But I keep waiting for more on the individual Titans having sentience, and it’s hard not to wonder a little if Mr. Attack and Eren are experiencing some unnatural bleed-through.

I don’t know, some things just feel very odd.

Anyway, outside the tempting cracklands of detours, there’s a really uncomfortable prospect presented in this chapter that I would prefer being wrong about, but at the same time, hey, Eren’s causing destruction and murdering people, so clearly happy funtimes are over.

Eren smiles when Willy says he wants his audience to fight with him against Paradis. It is not full of happiness, exactly, but it is not the look you would expect from hearing that kind of statement. Some mix of acceptance and sadness, maybe?

There are a lot of people on Paradis who, if asked, would know the exact best moment to kill Willy that would encourage his message most efficiently.

Eren waits until Willy is done with his speech to kill him.

Willy’s just asked everyone he knows for helps against the island devils, and... Eren gives them one. Whatever destruction does or doesn’t follow, Willy’s message is heard in its entirety, and he’s killed by the enemy he asks for unity in facing.

If you want to limit his support, this is, by far, the worst way to do it.

So even though I can’t imagine why anyone would reach this conclusion, I have to wonder if Paradis agreed with Willy. If they agreed that a unified world could only come about through a common enemy and a martyr.

Thematically, I have all kinds of disagreements with that, but Eren couldn’t have fulfilled Willy’s plan any better if he’d been in the room listening to its design. At the end of a grand speech, a monster rushes out and kills the only one in the world brave enough to call all people to arms against this great threat.

It’s beautiful, and... very on the nose.

You could not pick a better time to attack.

...For Willy’s purposes.

Even if this wipes out a bunch of Marley military personnel, care has been taken to keep all of the Titans out of the way. The main force is secure and breathing. This is not an attack that will devastate; it will invigorate.

And I can’t shake the thought that someone on the Paradis side thought that that was the only hope the rest of the world’s Eldians had. And having said that... it’s hard not to wonder if that someone is Eren.

Staged martyrdom only works this smoothly if both sides have the script.

Or maybe Carla just raised Eren to believe that it’s rude to interrupt people.

I really don’t know how to feel about most of what happens here. This is another chapter that I’d like to think would be benefited by future ones.

Right now there’s just this ominous dread that makes it difficult to appreciate that I don’t have to read Willy talk anymore.

Nothing next month can’t fix, I’m sure.

[collymore]

Uncaringly, I was just another sexual abuse statistic!

By Stanley Collymore

I never wanted to be a parent having from the very earliest time that I can remember being sexually abused by my biological father who although he wasn’t married to my mother, and never did marry her, nevertheless still lived with us; and while I was much too young in the earliest stages of his sexual abuse of me to fully understand the sickening nature of his depravity, the consequences of what he was actually doing and how understandably perverted and cruelly wrong it all was to me, and especially so as I was undeniably his daughter. I did, however, as I grew older and in sheer desperation by then at long last confide to my mum my personal misgivings as I saw them then in relation to my father’s entirely unnatural and criminally disgusting behaviour towards me.

However, instead of her intuitively empathizing with and lovingly consoling me I instead quickly found myself entirely dismayed and emotionally stunned by the equanimity of my mother’s response as regards what I was telling her as she quite puzzlingly and chillingly reproached me for being an insensitive and utterly selfish “big baby” for callously casting unsubstantiated aspersions on my dad’s unblemished character and who in her unnerving words to me “was just expressing in physical terms his deep-seated and abundant love for me!” Making it explicitly clear that I was plainly nowhere - given the invidious circumstances I was now additionally placed in - near to convincing my own mother that what my dad had time and again done to me and was still an ongoing situation with him wasn’t only physically hurting and emotionally damaging to me but also and even from my young and very sexually untutored perspective was particularly wicked and totally wrong. Yet in spite of that my mum on top of my dad’s rampant sexual abuse of me had knowingly, deviously complicit, and all this coupled with dad’s illicit and debauched actions towards me, aggravated this vile obscenity precisely through her rank and abysmal betrayal of me!

© Stanley V. Collymore 4 March 2017.

Author’s Remarks: I’m well aware that a purported official inquiry reluctantly set up by the British Tory regime and UK parliament both of them shamed into doing so by public pressure and opinion and relating to historic child sexual abuse allegations over a period of several decades across Britain is belatedly and shambolically underway. But in reporting this fact let me categorically and unambiguously make it absolutely clear that from a principled and personal perspective neither this inquiry nor its expected future findings, whatever they turn out to be, are of will be of the slightest interest to me; and with exceedingly good reasons.

The first of these being that the heinous allegations long and methodically ignored or else brazenly, callously and officially covered up in what’s undeniably class-structured, toadying and cap-doffing Britain by all the relevant authorities that were duty bound to probe them but adamantly, unethically, sycophantically to their perceived social betters and even criminally refused to do so because those making the allegations were disdainfully and dismissively regarded at best as Plebeians or worst more generally as the lower classes who didn’t matter in the least while those in the firing line of their concerted allegations were and still are among Britain’s most powerful and massively influential political, financial, governing, social, celebrity and privileged elites; the unchallengeable untouchables as it were!

The second reason: equally logical and laudable on my part, is my absolute distrust of those who’re involved with this purported inquiry, which essentially is nothing more than a rather premeditatedly devised and cynically conducted whitewash together with a calculated and deceitful sop to the orchestrated “sensitivities” of a seriously unthinking British public always eager to jump onto any populist-perceived bandwagon which might, however transiently so, ameliorate the deeply ingrained and totally insecure awareness of their manifest lack of self-worth.

A chaotic inquiry, to say the least, which was foot-draggingly at best and with implacable resistance and consummate hostility for the greater part and most of the time by those who were enforcedly through mounting public pressure obliged to set it up, actually deigned to arrogantly insult the acuity of the intelligent among the British public by nepotistically drafting in those from among its own privileged ranks and the said category of persons that were closely allied with those under suspicion for these ghastly crimes to literally “investigate” these people. Natural justice, neutrality and fair play aside a state of affairs that either didn’t dawn on or were knowingly and asininely ignored by those responsible for this totally obtuse state of affairs.

Yet all the same haughtily taking no cognizance of these facts until overwhelming public condemnation and mounting pressure grudgingly forced them to cosmetically tamper with their designated and instituted modus operandi which was and still is to permanently shield from public exposure, irrevocable ignominy and a humiliating prosecution the plethora of perverts, paedophiles and the other inured criminal, sexual deviants that form an integral of the establishers’ of this inquiry’s intimately close and treasured political, financial and social “privileged elite” circles.

My third and principal reason of the many others that readily come to mind and justly necessitate my taking the principled stance I have, is that all of these “victims” even at a cursory glance are irrefutably white. What’s wrong with that I hear you ask; can’t whites be victims as well? Of course they can is my blunt and honest answer but NOT exclusively so! For I know and every other principled person does that Blacks and other non-whites not only in Britain but for several centuries across its global empire have routinely been victims of English and British barbarities and among these massive catalogues of their crimes have been recurrent and barbaric sexual abuse. And to cite just two examples of these my own case and that of my fellow Afro-Caribbean kith and kin – a cute expression that you whites lovingly like to use as regards yourselves. Don’t get me wrong! I’ve never been personally raped or sexually abused by anyone whether white or Black, and had anyone tried to far less so succeeded in doing so at any stage of my life I don’t think they’d be alive to boast about it subsequently for knowing what had been done to me even supposedly so as a child I would have sought them out in my adulthood and killed them. I’m simply referring, in reference to the above, to the systematic implantation of the white male Y chromosome that was enforcedly injected into my DNA system and that of all other African Caribbean people, whether living at home in the West Indies or our wider global Diaspora, because of the unrelenting methodical rape of our Black female ancestors within those Caribbean islands; so much such that many of us have more white genes in us than several of you who hubristically and vaingloriously claim to be white.

My second example also includes Black people, and in this case rural Kenyan women in long-established tribal social communities, who were in more recent times routinely gang-raped and callously impregnated by British soldiers garrisoned there and compelled to bear their children because ethically abortion was out of the question for them. But rather than own up to these despicable rapes and rampant sexual abuse the MoD despite the vast amount of evidence to support these ladies claims sought to and successfully portrayed in the media, when these Black women complained of what had happened to them, that they were “prostitutes” who were out for pecuniary advantage by sullying the good name of these British soldiers.

Now that might satisfy the brain-dead in Britain who have an exaggerated and even a delusional; notion of who and what the British Armed Forces are, but I served in the RAF and know from firsthand just how barbaric some elements of our boys can be. But there are other Blacks too; and in this case the Aborigines of Australia whose children were forcibly taken from their parents and sent to concentration camps – for essentially that’s precisely what they were – to effectively have their blackness bred out of them; babies and toddlers among them. But will there be an inquiry about their treatment? Don’t hold your breath on that one. So my deliberate stance on saying “Fuck You” in relation to this British “inquiry” isn’t because of any insensitivity on my part towards the “genuine” victims involved but simply because I’m sick and fucking tired of the conceited assumption on the part of whites and especially British ones that only white Caucasians have sensitivities, unlike every other race, and when these are trodden upon regardless of when this is supposed to have happened these must humanely and understandably be dealt with in a manner that only whites are exclusively entitled to; never mind white Britain and Europe’s loathsome conduct globally for centuries, and which is still ongoing, as regards millions of other unfortunate victims – yes victims – in the Global South.

But the poem that I’m written: “Uncaringly, I was just another sexual abuse statistic!” is based on a real life story that I know of from personal experience and involved a young female who from her earliest childhood was sexually abused by her biological father and with the complicit assistance of her own mother. Incidentally all the participants were white.

Rachel and I first met in rather compromising circumstances for her. She was accidentally seen by me shoplifting in an Indian grocery store where I was and was a frequent shopper myself but before I could approach her and politely request that she refrained from what she was doing but with her apparently also having been seen by one of the store’s staff members Rachel was confronted, detained and the police about to be summoned. Knowing the store’s manager as I personally did this girl who was a complete stranger to me and only about 14 years old at the time and I could clearly see was thoroughly frightened by the consequences of her actions, I intervened on her behalf with the store’s manager and persuaded him not to call the police.

I then paid for the items that Rachel, whose name I’d acquired from her, had stolen as she had no money with her. Then with a firm but measured reprimand of her by the shop’s manager and with my business card to a local, voluntary outreach and extra-curricular educational project that I’d set up a while back and was in charge of running handed to her and additionally my invitation to her to attend some of its sessions if she cared to, Rachel left the Indian grocery store.

As I’d expectantly hoped for Rachel not only attended but also became actively involved in the project itself during which time and with my having gained her confidence, and respect I guess, she voluntarily and openly confided in me about her past; essentially her life history. Superbly in due course and as a direct consequence of her involvement with the project Rachel became an absolutely transformed individual, a process that saw her embrace life fully, what it had to offer her and appreciably how she could positively make the most of it, a situation that resulted in her becoming an impressively university-qualified person in the field of work that she freely and decidedly opted for. But significantly too the loving wife and adorable mother whom in the darkest hours and most traumatic growing up years she’d enforcedly and without familial help endured solemnly vowed that were she to survive to adulthood she’d never become. Now all of that was emphatically behind her.