#never had the chance/money to do any sports as a kid + fooled myself by thinking i just didn't see the appeal
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had my 2nd test session of aïkido with the more advanced ppl this time and damn i really love it 😭 i wish i could start like now but. i won't be able to keep doing these sessions with a binder i'm already miserable enough having to wear it for >5h for work. i keep thinking i could manage saving up money and start aïkido in like a month or two but. reality hits and i'll prob have to save up for a year to get to a somewhat comfortable spot to get top surgery. man.
#it hurts so bad wahhhh i wish i could order a new binder but the ones i can wear are all out of stock on transmessie :(#i could consider getting a sport one but a everyday life one is my prority as. i need to wear my old too small one every single day for the#next 8 month. praying and hoping and wishing that if i start working out the correct way i can get to a comfortable spot where i won't need#to bind. as i prob won't be perfectly flat with the morpho i have if i was cis i think. anyway#head in hands. i could try back the tape by putting it at least a few hours before. but absolutely too risky#MAAAN IT SUUUUCKS I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE </33333 AUUUUGH#never had the chance/money to do any sports as a kid + fooled myself by thinking i just didn't see the appeal#but aïkido is all i like... it's not competitive.... anyone can do it regardless of strength or height#sniffles sniffles#tomtom_is_rambling
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A Pipe Dream
The Flash stars in: A Pipe Dream
Dramatis Personae
Wally West, the garrulous, impulsive, and friendly third Flash
Joan Garrick, Jay Garrick’s wife, who is patient, loving, and supportive of everyone
Iris Allen, Barry Allen’s wife, an inquisitive daredevil reporter
The Pied Piper, alias Hartley Rathaway, a Robin Hood-esque thief
The Top, alias Roscoe Dillon, an arrogant, elitist, and top-obsessed criminal
Weather Wizard, alias Mark Mardon, an overconfident, rather stupid robber
Heat Wave, alias Mick Rory, a dim, shockingly gentle pyromaniac
Script
Act I
(Joan and Iris are onstage)
Iris: So, how’s Jay?
Joan: He’s doing well enough, I suppose, but, to be honest, I’m a little worried about him. He keeps claiming that he’s retired from crime fighting, but every time I turn around, he’s wearing that silly hat of his and racing off to fight bank robbers or carjackers or giant, murderous, telepathic gorillas. It was one thing when he was fifty, but now he’s 99 years old, and the doctors say that his heart won’t be able to take much more of his running at super speed.
Iris: What does he say about that?
Joan: That (strikes a heroic pose) “ it will be a pleasure to die in the line of duty.”
Iris: (Laughs) That sounds just like Barry.
Joan: I know, and it’s not funny. Our husbands spend so much time saving everyone else that they never stop to worry about themselves.
Iris: I guess that’s true-but hey, that’s part of what we’re here for, to make sure our husbands take some “me time” occasionally.
Joan: In speaking of husbands, how’s Barry?
Iris: He’s not doing so well. He came down with the flu a few days ago, and I’ve been going crazy trying to keep him from leaving his bed so that he can go fight crime.
Joan: Oh, I’ve had that happen with Jay before. Once, when he had pneumonia, he heard about a shoplifting ring, and I had to call in Ted and Alan-you know them as Wildcat and the original Green Lantern-to physically restrain him so that he wouldn’t leave the house to go stop them.
Iris: Well, I haven’t had to resort to calling the Justice League to restrain Barry yet, so things could be worse.
Joan: You’re right. Things could be worse. We could be having to deal with two sick speedsters each. Or a sick Superman!
Iris: Man, that would be a nightmare. I have no idea how that Lois Lane woman does it.
Joan: Maybe Clark just doesn’t get sick. After all, he isn’t a human, so maybe our diseases don’t affect him and he’s as invulnerable to getting sick as he is to everything else.
Iris: Maybe so.
(Enter Wally)
Wally: Hi, Joan. Hi, Aunt Iris. (Sneezes) How are you?
Iris: Hi, Wally. We’re doing all right. How are you?
Wally: I’m fine, but Linda and the kids all have the flu (Sneezes) and the twins also both have strep. (Sneezes) It sure is lucky that I don’t get sick, or we’d have a real mess on our hands.
Iris: Um, Wally, are you sure you’re not sick?
Wally: Yeah, I’m sure. (Sneezes three times) I never get sick. I had perfect attendance all throughout school, and you can check my records if you don’t believe me.
Joan: Can you at least try to take it easy, Wally?
Wally: I can’t do that! Jay’s retired and Uncle Barry has the flu, and someone has to protect the city! Besides, I can’t deny my adoring fans the chance to see me because I have a few sniffles. (Sneezes) I’ll be fine!
Iris: (To Joan) Is there a single superhero in the entire world who actually rests when they get sick?
Joan: Speaking from experience, I don’t think there is.
Wally: I said that I’m fine! (Sneezes) So, do you want to get lunch? I’m starving!
Iris: Wally, it’s 8:00 in the morning!
Wally: Okay, so let’s get brunch!
Iris: But I just ate breakfast!
Wally: I don’t follow. (Sneezes) I just ate breakfast, too, and I’m already hungry again.
Joan: Wally, dear, you have to consume 980,000 calories per day just to survive, so you have to eat almost constantly. We simply don’t have the appetite or the metabolism to keep up with you.
Wally: Oh, right. I forget that fact a lot-especially (Sneezes) since my kids inherited my metabolism and have to (Sneezes) eat even more than I do.
Iris: It’s all right, Wally.
Wally: So, um, do you want to go to McDonalds with me (Sneezes) and watch me eat? With Linda and the kids all sick, I’ve been cooped up in the house for a week, and I’m going stir-crazy!
Iris: I suppose so. After all, with Barry sick, I haven’t been able to get out much, either.
Joan: I’ll go, too. After all, if you really are sick despite your claims, someone needs to keep an eye on you so that you don’t run yourself into the ground.
Wally: Great! I love you guys so much, and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into (Sneezes) 340 Big Macs! I love McDonalds food!
Iris: (Shakes head) Never change, Wally. Never change.
(Exit All)
Act II
(The Pied Piper is onstage, playing an instrument. Enter the Top)
Top: Top of the morning to you, Piper.
Piper: Oh, good, you were able to make it. Did you have any trouble getting here?
Top: No. There is not a person in this city who would dare inconvenience the Top.
Piper: What about our friends in the red pajamas?
Top: Don’t make me laugh, Piper. The old one is feeble and retired, the young one is impulsive and stupid, and the only one that poses a threat has the flu, and therefore cannot be on top of his game. They could not bother me if they tried. What of you, my friend? Are you still in tip- top shape, or has your life spun out of control?
Piper: I’m as fit as a fiddle, Roscoe. The Flashes have no reason to hunt down a peaceable man who steals money from drug lords and self-absorbed starlets and gives it to the poor. In fact, if I could only make them realize that the real villains are the members of the 1% who enrich themselves at the expense of the poor, we would be good friends.
Top: But I heard you were homeless?
Piper: I am.
Top: How, exactly, did that come to pass?
Piper: Well, after my last heist, I was going to buy an apartment for myself, but while I was on my way to buying it, I saw a very pregnant woman with two small children crying, and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she was trying to escape from her abusive boyfriend but that she had no money, and so I gave her the money and told her to use it to make a good life for herself and her children, and so I was unable to buy anything.
Top: You gave all of the money away?
Piper: Of course! They needed it more than I did.
Top: You, sir, are a fool. This is the fifth time that you have given up a permanent home to help some wretch-the fifth time!
Piper: Roscoe, you of all people should understand what it is like to be an outcast. How can you criticize my desire to help others that the world has forgotten?
Top: Because I am a genius, something that decidedly does not apply to the people for whom you constantly risk your freedom and your own safety.
Piper: Roscoe, my early life was spent in scandalous luxury, luxury that my parents took at the expense of the poor who helped build their empire. It’s only fair that I go without to help them now. (Pause) So, do you know if anyone else is coming to our little meeting?
Top: No. I do not concern myself with the behavior of lesser men like them.
(Enter Heat Wave)
Heat Wave: Hi, Piper! Hi, Top! Seeing you two really warms my heart! (Hugs Piper)
Piper: Mick, I love hugs, but…I….can’t….breathe!
Heat Wave: Oh, sorry. (Releases him)
Piper: Hi, Mick. How have you been?
Heat Wave: I’m okay. I was burning up with fever a couple days ago, but I’m all better now.
Piper: I’m glad to hear that. Do you know if any of the others are coming?
Heat Wave: Captain Cold won’t be here. He’s got a bad case of the chills , and besides, he’s still in prison, and so is Mirror Master. They say hi.
Piper: And what about Glider?
Top: My love is on vacation in the Bahamas. She won’t be able to come.
Piper: Wait. I thought you said that you didn’t know if anyone else could come!
Top: Did I? Oh. My apologies.
Piper: (To Heat Wave) Do you know if Digger is coming?
Heat Wave: He won’t be coming. He broke his leg and told me that he didn’t feel like messing with crutches when I brought him chocolate and flowers.
Piper: Okay, and what about Mardon?
Heat Wave: I don’t know. Last I heard, he was feeling a little under the weather.
(Enter Weather Wizard)
Wizard: Nope, I’m as right as rain!
Piper: Hi, Mark!
Wizard: Hi, Piper! Hey, Mick.
Heat Wave: How’ve you been? I heard you were sick.
Wizard: Nope. I’ve just been taking it easy.
Top: What a surprise.
Wizard: What’s that supposed to mean?
Top: It means that you are a lazy fool who hasn’t done a day’s work in his life.
Wizard: Am not! Why, I stole an entire tractor-trailer full of sports cars in an hour once!
Top: Yes, by sitting on your couch and allowing a tornado to detach the trailer from the cab of the truck and deliver the loot to your house.
Wizard: So? You can’t fault me for conserving energy!
Top: “Conserving energy”, my foot.
Wizard: What’s the matter, Top? Are you jealous of my power?
Top: No. I simply think it is wasted on a man who uses it only to commit petty thefts.
Wizard: (Raises weather wand) Petty? (Waves wand) I’ll show you petty! (Thunderclap)
Heat Wave: Whoa there, Mark, let’s not get hasty. I don’t want you to do something in the heat of the moment that you’ll regret-like destroying this building with all of us in it!
Piper: Mick’s right, Mark. It’s too dangerous to get into a fight here.
Wizard: (Lowers weather wand) Fine. But if you expect me to take his stupid comments forever, you’re chasing rainbows, Piper.
Piper: (to Top) Roscoe, please don’t antagonize Mark. You really don’t want him to make you face the music .
Top: I am not afraid of him, Piper.
Wizard: Well, you should be, because if you don’t start respecting me, our little truce will be nothing more than the calm before the storm!
Top: Whatever you say, Mardon. Whatever you say. (Pause) Shall we get down to business?
Heat Wave: Yeah, we should. Who has a plan for our next heist?
Piper: I do, actually, so if you don’t mind, I’ll be calling the tune on this job. You see, some friends of my parents are importing some very fine jewelery, and I think that those jewels will make for a tidy sum for the poor….
Act III
(Wally, Iris, and Joan are sitting at a table)
Wally: Boy, that was delicious! (Sneezes) I don’t care what Uncle Barry says-McDonalds has the best food in the world!
Joan: It isn’t exactly the healthiest food, you know.
Wally: Yeah, I know-but with the way I burn calories (Sneezes) , it isn’t going to hurt me any!
Iris: Um, I’m not sure that’s how it works, Wally.
Wally: Well, even if it isn’t, I’m young and it tastes good, so who cares?
Joan: I do, for one.
Iris: And so do I.
Wally: Good grief! When are you two (Sneezes) going to stop treating me like a little kid?
Iris: Wally, I watched you grow up. It’s going to take awhile for me to adjust-especially when you keep acting like a crazy teenager.
Wally: I don’t act like a crazy teenager! (Sneezes) I act like a crazy adult!
Joan: Wally, there isn’t much difference between a crazy teenager and a crazy adult.
Wally: Oh, yeah? (Sneezes) Prove it!
Joan: The Trickster.
Wally: Yeah, you’ve pretty much got me there. (Sneezes) Sorry I’m so annoying.
Joan: It’s all right. You’re not annoying most of the time, dear.
Iris: Just some of the time.
Wally: I love you guys. (Sneezes) So, what should we do next?
Iris: We could go shoe shopping. I’ve been needing a new pair of heels.
Wally: No! Not shoe shopping! Linda’s taken me on enough shoe shopping trips to last a lifetime! (Sneezes)
Iris: I was only kidding, Wally.
Wally: Good. Oooh, why don’t we get ice cream?
Joan: You can get ice cream. It probably isn’t a good idea for us to get it.
Wally: Yes! (Disappears, then returns with ice cream and cake)
Joan: Where did you get the cake from?
Wally: China. (Sneezes) They make everything there these days.
Iris: (Laughs) You ran all the way to China just to get cake?
Wally: Well, I was aiming for Hungary, but I overshot.
Joan: How did you overshoot Hungry? You have a full-time residency there.
Wally: Huh? (Pauses, then laughs) Oh, I get it! That’s hilarious, Joan!
Joan: Why thank you, Wally. I think you and your aunt are rubbing off on me.
Iris: I’m glad we decided to do this. Barry’s a dear, but when he gets sick, he can be a bit of a nightmare.
Wally: Wait, Uncle Barry can be a nightmare?
Iris: Believe it or not, yes. Now, he’s not rude or whiny, but he keeps trying to leave his bed and stop crimes instead of resting so that he can get well, and it’s very irritating to make him stay put, because he gives me these really sad puppy dog eyes when I tell him to stay at home.
Wally: Hah! I knew he (Sneezes) had a weakness besides punctuality!
Joan: All three of you have that weakness, Wally.
Wally: I do not! (His phone rings) Sorry. I need to take this. (Pulls out phone) Hello, Commissioner? The Rogues? What are they doing? Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. All right. I’ll be there as soon as possible, Commish! (Sneezes) You’re welcome. Good-bye. (Puts away phone) Sorry, guys, I’ve gotta run! The Rogues are trying to steal some jewelry, and I need to stop them.
Iris: No problem, Wally. Go get them!
Joan: And be careful!
(Exit Wally)
Iris: You know, just once, I would like to have an outing that isn’t interrupted by criminals, the Rogues, telepathic gorillas, or aliens who want to take over the world.
Joan: I fully agree with you, Iris. (Pause) Would you like to go shoe shopping with me while he’s gone?
Iris: That sounds terrific, Joan.
Commercial Break!
Act IV
(Enter the Rogues, running)
Piper: (Yelling over his shoulder) Thank you for your generous donation to the poor, Mr. Englewood!
Top: Oh, that was terrific fun! I’m feeling on top of the world right now!
Heat Wave: You’re right, Top. There’s nothing like a nice heist with all of my bestest friends to give me those nice warm and fuzzy feelings.
Wizard: Tell me about it. I’m on cloud nine!
Top: What are you going to do with your money, Piper? I am going to buy a nice suit and some new tops for my collection.
Heat Wave: I’m going to buy some presents for all of my friends so that I can warm their hearts. I’m sure Captain Cold will love a new parka.
Top: I was not asking you, you imbecile.
Heat Wave: Oh. I’m sorry, Top.
Top: Just be sure it does not happen again.
Wizard: I’m going to buy me a new car so that I can finally get a girlfriend!
Top: That will never happen, Mark, and I was not asking you either.
Wizard: Well gee, thanks for destroying my ray of hope, Roscoe.
Top: Moron. (To Piper) Well, my friend? What are you going to do with your share of the loot?
Piper: I’m going to donate it to a charity for sick children. The cries of joy that will produce will be music to my ears.
Top: You are giving away your money again? (Pause) I do not believe you.
Piper: What’s so wrong about wanting to help people?
(Enter Wally)
Wally: Because you’re going about it all wrong, Piper.
Wizard: By the four seasons! It’s the Flash!
Top: Not to worry, Mardon. This one is a mere child. (To Wally) Spin.
Wally: Whoa! (Stumbles, but keeps his balance) You should become a ride at Disney World or something, Top, because you make me just as dizzy.
Heat Wave: It’s time for you to take the heat, Kid Flash! (Fires at Wally, who narrowly dodges)
Wally: No thanks!
Wizard: (Waves his wand) We’re too powerful for you to stop, Flash. Why don’t you take a rain check?
Wally: No way! Defeating a bunch of clowns like you will be a breeze!
Top: Perhaps. Then again, perhaps not. (Spins out of Wally’s way)
Heat Wave: This situation is too hot for you to handle, Flash! You should leave before you get hurt or something.
Wally: Get hurt by one of you? Yeah, right. (He sneezes, and Top grabs him from behind)
Top: You were saying?
Wizard: Nighty night, Flash. (Raises his wand, and Wally sneezes again, causing the wand to go flying out of his hand) My wand!
Wally: (Breaks free) Nice try, Mardon. (He handcuffs Wizard and Top to one another)
Heat Wave: Hey, nobody hurts my friends like that!
Wally: (Taps him on the shoulder) You need better friends. (Handcuffs him to a lamp)
Piper: Flash, I’m not going to fight you. I abhor violence, as a general rule, and I know as well as anyone that my musical hypnosis doesn’t work well on you. However, before you take me away, I want to ask you something. Mr. Englewood hardly needs more money, and everyone knows that his factories are some of the most hazardous in the country for his workers. Why is it so wrong that I take money from him and give it to children who are dying from preventable diseases because of lack of money? You can’t argue that he deserves it more than they do, and he’s wealthy enough that he won’t even miss the money we took from him. Can’t you at least let me give the money away before you take me to jail? Please?
Wally: Piper, if I’m being honest, part of me wants to let you, but here’s the thing. I can’t let you break the law in order to help people. I’m sorry.
Piper: That’s all right. You’re just doing what you were told is right. I can’t fault you for that.
(Wally handcuffs him)
Wally: A word of advice, Piper? If you really want to help the poor, and I think you do, I think you’ll find it more rewarding if you do it on the right side of the law.
(Exit Wally)
Wizard: Well, that was a bust.
Top: For once, Mardon, we agree about something.
Heat Wave: Hey, guys, look at the bright side! At least we’re all still together.
Wizard: True. Nobody can call us fair-weather friends!
Heat Wave: And you know what’s even better? When we go back to prison, we can see Captain Cold again!
Top: I’m thrilled.
Wizard: Aww, don’t be such a downer, Top. You should learn to see the silver lining.
Top: I hate you both.
Piper: (Aside) All I wanted was to give the poor justice. Why is that a crime? The idea of people like my parents helping the poor is just a pipe dream...isn’t it?
Act V
(Iris and Joan are onstage. Enter Wally)
Wally: Hi, Iris! Hi, Joan! (Sneezes)
Joan: Oh, hi, Wally. Are you all right?
Wally: I’m okay. (Sneezes) But I think you were right about me being sick. I just took my temperature, and I’m 114 degrees. (Sneezes)
Joan: 114? How are you still alive?
Wally: Because the baseline body temperature for speedsters is 107 degrees.
Joan: Oh, that’s right.
Iris: Were you able to stop the Rogues?
Wally: Yep! (Sneezes) They’re being transported back to prison now, and all the jewelry has been returned. (Sneezes)
Iris: So, what do you want to do now, Wally?
Wally: I want to go home and sleep. (Sneezes) Running around sick won’t help anything.
Iris: Yes! A hero finally sees reason!
Wally: (Sneezes) Oh, and one more thing? Would you mind (Sneezes) donating money to the Children’s Health Foundation? I have a certain….friend who would really appreciate it.
Joan: Of course we will, Wally.
Wally: Thanks. You two are the greatest! (Sneezes)
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sorry I’m a bad boy
unrequested drabble about the bad boy back in town, aiming to keep his promises to his girl. Is it too late?
Warnings: Language, Suggestive content
Pairing: Changbin x Reader
“You know who’s looking for you, right?”
Your friend was fresh with youth, it seemed. That, or ignorance. All day, everyone you came across in this nosy ass town buzzed about you like bees, the same name filling your ears. You didn’t expect your best friend to be just another bee attracted to the honey.
“Yes, I know. Yes, he’s back in town. Yes, he’s looking for me. No, I don’t care.” That was a lie, but you needed to put on a brave face. You hadn’t seen Changbin in six months; the least you could do is pretend you didn’t care.
Rosé gave you that famous look of hers, the one that told you she knew exactly how afraid and lost you were feeling. “Seems like you’ve heard that way too much today.”
“I have.”
“Why don’t we get out of here then?”
And that’s how, instead of going to your 4:30 class, you skipped it to grab a burger and fries with your favorite person on Earth. You know it was only a matter of time before Rosé stopped being generous by filling the silence. Her fidgeting was her tell: she was dying to know where your mind was at.
How were you supposed to feel when the boy you were in love with your entire life reappeared after months of being M.I.A.?
His stupid promises filtered into your head as you drowned one fry in ketchup, dunking it over and over as each sentence rolled through your head.
I’ll come back for you.
I’ll always love you.
I’m always going to be bad for you, don’t forget that.
I might be leaving, but I’ll never leave you.
You can trust me.
I won’t ever change. I promise that.
Sorry I’m a bad boy.
You scoffed aloud, your attention finding the fry that had long been broken in half. How symbolic.
“Do you think… he knows about you and Jisung?”
You gave her an unamused look. “What’s to know? I don’t like Jisung like that.”
Rosé bit into her burger and chewed slowly before saying, “Yeah, but you know Jisung is going around telling everyone you’re his girlfriend.”
You knocked your head back and groaned. “I told him to stop doing that shit! I’m not going to date him.”
“Yeah, well, he’s delusional. Has been since we were kids.” Rosé really looked worried about you, and because of that you couldn’t look at her. She added, “Chances are, he’s heard about it.”
“Of course he has. In this shithole of a town, gossip travels fast,” You felt bad for calling your home that, but you were in a bad mood and it doesn’t mix well with the familiarity of a small town.
Rosé looked thoughtful again as she sipped from her soda before her eyes grew wide, “Oh my gosh. This isn’t good. They hate each other.”
“I know.”
“Once Changbin hears, he’s going to go apeshit. And when Jisung hears he’s back, he already knows he lost you to him. It’s a lose lose.”
“Why would he care? He’s the one that left me in the first place.”
You ignored her disapproving look, wanting to wallow in your despair. She never let you have your moments, though.
“You know that’s not true. The two of you were absolutely in love. He would travel the galaxy for you. You said it yourself, the only way he was going to escape bad influences is if he left.”
“But…” It bubbled over then, and you hated it. You thought you had escaped it, had managed to chase it away. It had only settled and waited until it was time to erupt. “But he said he wouldn’t leave me. He said he was leaving, but vowed to keep in contact with me. He said it would be like he never left. Tell me why I haven’t gotten one phone call, one text. Nothing. I mean nothing to him.
“He commanded my heart with the flick of his wrist. I was played by him, and I should’ve known better!” By now, you were yelling, your face red and the burger joint silent, likely eavesdropping to spread your outburst across town. “Changbin is nothing but a walking cliché. A stupid bad boy who had nothing better to do than go around seeing how many hearts he could break. Worthless promises, nothing but worthless words from his mouth. Am I supposed to jump for joy now that he’s back? Please, I’d rather date Jisung than face his bullshit again.”
Rosé stared for a moment, her mind working to figure out how to make things right. She couldn’t, but you loved her for trying. Slapping money down on the table, she grabbed your wrist. “I was wrong. Your favorite meal isn’t enough to cure this despair. Let’s go.”
Tugging you out of the burger place, complaints fell past your lips, not really paying attention to your surroundings. Coming to an abrupt stop in front of you, you slammed into her.
“Hey! What’s your problem-” Stepping around her, the reason became as vivid as the figure in front of you. Sleek black Impala parked, the same one you had spent way too many nights in doing way too many unspeakable things. Leaning up against its trunk, the boy with all the promises he couldn’t keep, his eyes shining as he looked at you.
Was his hair darker, or was your memory poisoned? Were his eyes warmer? His clothing was just as dark as you remembered, though he looked a lot more filled out.
He was perfect. Still, he managed to wring your insides tight, making it hard to breathe. If possible, it hurt even more seeing him now than it did when you had to watch his back as he walked away from you the last time.
“Y/N.”
“Let’s go, Rosé,” You thought you were in control. Quickly, you realized you weren’t.
“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Your heart dropped as you saw the apologetic look on your best friend’s face, “He convinced me to bring you here. I think it’ll be good to talk to him. I’ll be inside.”
The betrayal that twisted your heart stung your eyes. Really, you knew it was because you couldn’t handle being around him again. All these months, you ached to smell his scent, his body wash and him. You wanted to smell that stupid air freshener in his car, hear that stupid CD he replayed over and over. You wanted him.
Now that he was here, you wanted everything but.
You closed your eyes as the streetlights shut on, his heavy footsteps nearing until they stopped in front of you. Was your mind playing a trick on you or was his actual scent reaching your nose? The tears spilling from your closed eyes were embarrassing, so you squeezed your eyes tighter. Clenched fist, aching heart, crickets crying for their mates, you wished deeply this wasn’t happening.
It was too soon for you to realize all you wanted was to fall into his arms.
“Oh Y/N,” No. He wasn’t allowed to be in pain. Who gave him the right to waltz back in and out whenever he wanted?
You flinched when his fingers brushed a tear away. Peeking to see his hurt expression, you turned away. “What do you want, Changbin? Come to laugh in my face?”
His face scrunched up from the corner of your eye. “No. That’s bullshit and you know it. You know why I’m here.”
“Why?” You faced him, courage slowly but surely building as your eyes trailed to meet his. His courage faded as he stepped back, resolve crumbling as he had to stare the outcome of his actions in the face. “You think I’m just going to accept you back with open arms? You think I’m going to come running when everyone tells me you’re back? Jumping for joy?”
He was frowning but you continued, needing to or else you would implode.
“If you’re so big and bad, why are you here? Why aren’t you sporting some brand new girlfriend to rub in my face? I’m sure there was plenty, considering you never reached out to me. How’s that for a cliché? The bad boy makes promises he can’t keep. Well, news flash. I’m not the stupid girl who falls for your lies again.”
“Y/N…”
“And I don’t want to hear any insincere apology that I know you’re waiting to say. You expected me to wait for you. You expected me to hang onto your every word, hang onto this fantasy that you loved me. I’m better than that. I’m better than this.”
“Y/N, would you listen to me?”
“No. You don’t deserve that.”
“Oh, I don’t?”
“There’s nothing you could say that would make this right. So you don’t.”
“How would you know that?” His eyes were narrowed now, annoyed. How dare he.
“Because I do.”
“Stellar answer. Wouldn’t expect anything else from the Hotheaded queen herself.”
Inhaling heavily, you searched your mind for anything to say. Instead, you couldn’t help but swear at yourself as your eyes lingered on his face. He was still as stunning as he was in the past. You were such a fool. And he? A snake.
“What do you want from me, Changbin?”
At the sound of his name, you caught how he had an intake of breath. You ignored the pang in your chest. Your eyes trailed down. He was still wearing the silver car-wheel necklace you had given him a year ago. You wanted to rip it off.
“I want to hear your voice.”
You laughed. He ignored you.
“I want to hear every single detail of your days. I want to know what shows you’ve been watching, what music you’ve been listening to, if you continued on using that detergent you decided to try out. Are you still using the same body spray? How’s Galaxy? She was a kitten the last time I saw her. Bet she’s still causing havoc.”
Was it a trick of the streetlight or were his eyes glistening?
He stepped closer, you looking down at him from the edge of the pavement. He was in the road, blocking a parking spot but that was the least of his concerns as he stared up at you. Laughing forcibly, you held your breath as his fingers cautiously skimmed the back of your hand. You let him.
“I want to lie next to you again, watch the expressions you make when you sleep. I want you to wake me up in the middle of the night and pepper my face with kisses when you have a bad dream, and hug me from behind when you know I had one myself. I want to hear your laugh. I want to make your coffee, even though I always mess it up. How many times have you watched Good Will Hunting without me? I know I always complained, but I loved it just as much as you did.”
He was inches away from you now, and you uncontrollably drew closer. He was magnetic, glowing like the angel he was. A few lies from his mouth and he was an angel again. Were they lies? You didn’t know, but you could feel yourself slipping.
“I told you I was coming back for you. I never left, not really, not when the best part of me is still here. I can’t change who I am, and how I needed to get away to become better. I need to be a better man for you. I did what I had to. I’m sorry for not reaching out to you. I know I can’t make it up to you in a day. I’m bad, always have been. But I did what I had to in order to keep from running back. Trust me, I would have the second I heard your voice.”
How were you supposed to be mad at him when he was speaking to you in that tone, when his fingers were on your skin, when his presence was surrounding you?
“Y/N,” he sang your name now. That’s how it always sounded, since the moment he introduced himself and stole your heart. You remember when you were fifteen, the first time he really caught your attention in school. How his flirty smile always felt a little different than the others. He really had you since the moment you met.
“Changbin.” Even you were giving in. You couldn’t help it, not when he was this close. This close in six months.
He waited, hands comfortably on your waist and head tipped up as he looked at you. Your hands found their way to his shoulders, brushing them off before fiddling with his collar. Your fingers skimmed across his neck, and you watched as his lips parted, a look you knew all too well washing over his eyes.
Heavy lidded, he waited.
Hands gripping your waist, he waited.
Your fingers were massaging the back of his neck, thrilled at the same effect you had on him. The heat was closing in, the light fading away as you were washed away by the ocean you were drawn to since you were a girl.
Just as your lips grazed his, blinding headlights and a car horn startled you out of his grip as you jumped back. Changbin was less affected, annoyed as he looked over his shoulder at the car trying to pull into the spot he currently occupied. You pulled him up onto the sidewalk, but not before noticing the look building on his face as he waited for the driver to get out of his car. He was pissed.
And you? You were scared.
You recognized the car all too well.
“Y/N! I’ve been looking all over for you! I was going to take you home after class!” Jisung was all smiles, but you didn’t miss the lingering look on Changbin.
“Hey Park. It’s pretty fucking obvious what happened,” Changbin barely waited for Jisung to finish.
The smile disappeared so fast from the happy boy, it was unsettling. “Was I talking to you?”
“No, but I figured I would do you a favor and spare you the embarrassment. You always manage to make a fool out of yourself.”
Jisung slammed his car door shut. You began sweating, the danger on their faces spurring you into action as you stepped between them. That didn’t break their staredown.
“I don’t appreciate your attitude. Given the fact that you ran away from home like a little bitch, I wouldn’t go around acting like a tough guy.”
Changbin laughed stepping closer. Placing your hand on his chest, you pressed firmly and waited for him to look at you. His anger disappeared as he regarded you, a lingering sadness swimming in his face. You needed to do something.
Turning to Jisung, you said, “Jisung, please. Go.”
He frowned. “Are you serious?”
“Don’t make this harder.”
His voice cracked, the pain seeping through. “You’re really going to choose him? After leaving you? Breaking your heart? You’re still going to choose him over me?”
You didn’t know what to say. You wished you could take away his pain. Before you could say anything else, he was in his car and went as quickly as he came. You were in Changbin’s previous place now, facing the parking lot and wondering where your place was in this town. All you had been was a shell of your past self these last few months, and it was all because of Changbin. Is that who you were? Just Changbin’s girl?
No. You were more than that.
This time, when his hands found yours, you pulled away. You ignored his pain as best you could as you shook your head. “I can’t just forget what you did. You destroyed what we were when you vowed you wouldn’t. You know how hard it was for me to trust you. You used that against me, made me fall in love with you, just so you could shoot me in the heart.”
“I-”
“No. No, Changbin. You’re not who I thought you were. And I’m not the Y/N I once was. And I won’t put myself through that again. I will always love you, but I love myself more. So let me breathe.”
He took a step back, the defenses you had spent years breaking down building up right before your eyes. If you had known how easy it was to keep from loving him, you wonder if you would have gone back in time and stopped anything from happening.
Figuring it was done, you turned away and headed for the entrance to the burger joint. Just as you reached the door, his words stopped you in your tracks.
“I wasn’t lying when I told you I would be back for you. And when I knew I had to be a better man for you the next time I saw you. I’ll respect your wishes. But I will prove to you that I will love you right for the rest of my life. I will always be yours, Y/N.”
You only looked at him one last time before going inside. When you sat across from Rosé and got the courage to look out the window, that Impala you knew all too well was gone.
And as the sensation of his lips lingered on your own, you answered your own thoughts.
No, you would never go back in time and erase everything you had with him. No matter the outcome, he will always be the boy that taught you how to love.
Coming back for you, huh?
You’ll believe that when you see it.
#angelo works#angelo drabbles#stray kids scenarios#stray kids drabbles#changbin scenarios#changbin angst#changbin fluff#changbin drabbles#sk#sorry I'm a bad boy#siabb
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.. all of them?
i’m gonna shit myself
1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?
only super close people know my middle name, and if you know it then i trust you with my life
tbh i love my middle name, its just really special to me ;;
2. are you artistic?
i draw!!
3. Have you had your first kiss?
i still have virgin lips
only people i kiss are my mom sister and dad
4. What is your life goal?
to make a video game about my ocs!!
5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?
i do not
6. Do you play any sports?
not yet
7. What’s your worst fear?
abandonment without explanation
8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?
my friends.....my homies.....my family.... they all inspire me
9. Do you have any cool talents?
i can DRAW!!!
10. are you a morning person?
oh god no i hate mornings
11. How do you feel about pet names?
well what else are you gonna name it
12. Do you like to read?
not really;; i’m not really a book person
13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.
my little pony
spongebob squarepants
steven universe
powerpuff girls
the owl house @sugarbreadz
most likely more
14. Do you care about your follower count?
nope!! i’m just glad to reblog stuff i like
15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?
i had this dream where i could fly and it was really nice,,
16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?
never kissed someone
17. Do you have any pets?
my sister
18. Are you religious?
nop
19. Are you a people person?
i don’t like being alone but i don’t like being in big crowds of people
20. Are you considered popular?
not that i would think so?
21. What is one of your bad habits?
nail biting, hair pulling, lip biting
22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?
would rather not say
23. What would you name your children?
liam for boye, and penny for gal,,//
24. Who’s your celebrity crush?
i do not have one
25. What’s your best subject?
math!!! mATHHHHH
26. Dogs or cats?
CATSSS KITTTYSSS
27. most used social media besides tumblr?
instagram thanks to q
28. best friends name?
@duckstrashcan, @sugarbreadz, @flash-darlinq, @reinhardtist, @sugarsprinkles14, @pastyl-pearldrop, @oni-darling
29. who does your main family consist of?
small
30. Chocolate or sugar?
CHOOOOOCOLAAAAATE
31. have you ever been on a date?
nope !!
other than a joke date from @sugarbreadz
32. Do you like roller coasters?
YES VERY MUCH
33. Can you swim?
yes!! i love swimming
34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse?
if i’m starting to die, make my death quick and painless pls
35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?
i don’t think i have a mental disorder?
36. Are your parents together?
yes
37. What’s your favorite color?
PURPLEE
38. What country are you from/do you live in?
Massachusetts
39. Favorite singer?
the neighborhood
40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?
not really
41. Do you like dresses?
,,mayb//
42. Favorite song right now?
SWEATER WEATHERRR
43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
makes me flustered
44. How old were you when you first got your period?
12
45. Have you ever shot a gun?
nop
46. Have you ever done yoga?
in 8th grade
47. Are you a horror girl?
not really? what
48. Are you good at giving advice?
people say i am so yes i thiNK
49. Tell us a story about your childhood.
i climbed trees a lot and my parents always thought i was missing
50. How are you doing today?
better than yesterday!! and progress is progress
51. Were you a cute kid?
i was squishy and small
52. Can you dance?
no but,, i wanna learn how to,,
53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?
sometimes i say things that i’ll forget hours later
54. Have you ever dyed your hair?
yes!! i dyed it black once in-
,,
@flash-darlinq :)
55. What color are your eyes?
green.....green
56. What’s your favorite animal?
penguin son quvuqite
57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?
oh yeah
many times
and i regret every single one
58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
i would say so
59. Do you have good friends?
i would say so, i love my friends!!
60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?
me and all my friends are gay
61. What’s your favorite class?
MATTHHHHHH
62. List all the tv shows you are watching.
waits for the next hilda series this fall
63. Are you organized?
yes
yes.
64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?
the nightmare before christmas
10/10
65. Which tv character do you relate to most?
uhhh amity because gay lesbian falling for oblivious idiot
68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?
my motivation and numbness
69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?
draw because draw
70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?
treat it the same, except now i don’t have to feel pressured to rush anything
71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?
uhh be more truthful TBH
72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
treat situation differently, and stop being an idiot over somethings i really wish i could’ve changed
73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
yes
74. When was the last time you traveled somewhere new?
uhhhhhh years ago
75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?
something/somewhere warm and comforting and safe
76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?
i can’t really do anything about it right nOW so i’m just waiting for highschool to be over to go to college
77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
game developer
78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?
nothing? i’m doing fine right now
79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?
over something that anger my younger self
80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.
overstressing about reality and not understanding things i should already know
81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?
bruh i be studying but look at me now HAHIUWEHRQWI
82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?
draw
83. How would you spend a billion dollars?
on friends and for me clothes and sweaters and food haoipwjrwqWQHIERQWEJI
84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?
past
85. What motivates you to succeed?
people i love around me
86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?
bro i dunno
87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?
somewhere outside the city but not super far away
88. Do you believe in life after death?
uhhh i’m so-so about it
89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?
my english teacher since he has taught me many valuable life lessons
90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?
to be honest i actually don’t know
91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?
looking away
anyways
92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?
,,,,,LOOKING AWAY
ANYWAYS.//
93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?
don’t waste your tears on something you know is fake
94. What do you think happens after we die?
we die
the end
95. What would you do if you would be invisible?
STEAL MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?
uhhhhhh i’ll pass on this one
97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?
wtf no
surprise me hoe
98. How did your first crush develop?
haha
anyways
99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?
haHA
anyways.
100. Do you live or do you just exist?
if i’m being honest
i’m just another face/background character in the crowd
someone that you’d basically drop in no time if you had the chance to pick someone else to be with
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Stripped Bare - Chapter 4 (Bryce X MC AU)
Pairing: Bryce X MC Charlie Hawkins
Summary: Charlie and Bryce make their way to Jamaica (yes I really did write an entire chapter just about their travel day)
Rating: 18+ for Mature themes (language and adult themes, nothing necessarily NSFW yet but there will be later in the series)
Word Count: 1923
Charlie lies on her bed the night before the big trip, staring at the post of her and Bryce for probably the millionth time. Word of her new “relationship” had spread like wildfire, but thankfully she had gotten a chance to explain things to the girls before any of them saw the post. By explain, she means she told them Bryce is pretending to be her date as a favor so Charlie can avoid being humiliated in front of her cousin. She had kind of omitted the part where she is paying him $10,000 in addition to his travel expenses. They'd all given her a hard time about him actually being into her, and as much as a part of her would like to believe that, there’s no way the two of them could ever really work in the real world.
There are certain expectations for the type of guy Charlie will end up with, and although she likes to believe she’d never count out a man who had a less traditional career, for lack of a better term, she can’t envision having to explain that her significant other takes his clothes off for a living. Even if she could get past that, or if he moved on to a more socially acceptable career, he’d still be out of her league in almost every other way. She’s got a pretty face, but she would never kid herself and say they are on the same level as far as looks are concerned. He’s got more confidence and charm in his pinkie finger than she has in her entire body. So although it's nice to to look at the picture perfect couple on the screen, she's not going to fool herself into believing it could ever be something real.They’ll play boyfriend/girlfriend for this trip, and then he can just fade away.
---
Charlie feels a tap on her shoulder and looks up from her bloody mary. “Bryce, hi!” Relief washes over Charlie at the fact that he hasn’t stood her up. She knows she was early, like she usually is, but being nervous about flying, on top of everything else has left her seriously on edge. “I hope you don’t think I’m an alcoholic or anything. I don’t usually drink at eight in the morning.”
Bryce takes a seat on the barstool next to her. “I’m pretty sure the normal rules of time and space don’t exist in airports. Plus we are on vacation time now. No judgement here.” He flags down the bartender. “I’ll have what she’s having.”
“Thanks. I’m not the biggest fan of flying, so I need something to take the edge off.”
The bartender hands Bryce his drink, and the two of them make small talk over the next half hour until it’s time to board the flight. Charlie walks in ahead of Bryce, but stops as they reach the seats. “Would you mind taking the window seat?”
“I’d love to.” Bryce puts his carry-on in the overhead bin and scoots in first. “I haven’t flown in a plane in awhile, but looking at the view is one of the best parts. I can’t say that I’ve ever flown in first class though. You are going all out for this trip, huh?”
“I can imagine how I look to you - paying you all this money to come with me, first class seats-”
“Don’t forget your designer luggage.” Bryce Chuckles
Charlie laughs under her breath. “I come off as a pretentious snob, don’t I?”
Bryce cocks his head to the side, looking her over appraisingly. “I wouldn’t go as far as snobby, but maybe a tad pretentious,” he replies with a smirk and Charlie swats him playfully on the shoulder.
“The luggage was actually a gift from my parents, and the seats were purchased with my boyfriend’s, opps, I mean ex-boyfriend’s frequent flyer miles.” Charlie cringes at her slip-up.
“Ah, that’s right. I almost forgot I’m the emergency stand-in. Well from what you’ve said he sounds kind of like an asshole, so at least you got a parting gift.”
Just then, the flight attending comes on, saving her from having to continue that conversation. The plane starts to roll down the runway. Charlie’s breaths became shallow, and she grips the armrests tightly. “Take-offs and landings are the worst part.”
Bryce works his hand between hers and the armrest and gives her hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, Charlie. Deep breaths, in for four and out for four. You don’t want to hyperventilate."
Charlie takes a deep breath in, exhales with equal measure, and smiles weekly. She’s no stranger to airline travel, and it never gets any easier, except this time Bryce’s presence seems to have a paradoxical effect. She feels safe next to him, yet she still can’t help her heart from racing. Maybe it’s because now that she’s not thinking about the plane crashing down, she’s fixated on the feel of his hand on hers, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on her skin. She needs to get a grip because she’s not going to survive this trip if she turns into a bumbling mess any time they touch. So when the plane reaches altitude and he still hasn’t let go, she doesn’t pull away either - just to get used to him she tells herself.
"Alright, now that we've gotten through takeoff, maybe we should start learning more about each other." Bryce suggests.
Charlie pulls her hand away, suddenly brought back to the reality of the situation. She and Bryce hadn't had much time to talk or get together again before the trip, but Charlie figured their six and a half hour flight would be significant enough to build a relationship history. "Well the most common questions you will likely be asked will pertain to what you do for a living, and how we met. I’d prefer we don’t mention the strip club at all.”
Bryce rubs his chin thoughtfully. “How about we say we met in medical school - kill two birds with one stone.”
“How is that going to work?” Charlie eyes Bryce skeptically. “It’s not like you can just bulshitt your way into pretending to be a doctor like some other careers.”
“I know some things. How much am I really going to need to say anyway? The wedding isn’t going to be full of doctors, is it?”
“Only the douchebag groom,” Charlie scoffs. “You’ll want to steer clear of him anyhow. I guess you have a point. What’s your specialty going to be?”
“Surgery, of course. I’m great with my hands, if you know what I mean.”
Charlie rolls her eyes at the innuendo to avoid getting flustered by him yet again. “And where do you work?”
“I’m just about to start my intern year at Edenbrook,” he answers almost too quickly, but she doesn’t think much of it.
“You think everyone is going to believe we both ended up with a job at the same hospital?”
“Again, most of them aren’t doctors, so they probably won’t think anything of it. Besides, we both went to school in Boston. It’s not such a stretch to believe we’d both get matched to the same hospital.”
Charlie’s caught off guard a bit by his language, surprised that he knows about the matching process. But again she thinks she making something out of nothing, and he’s probably just watched a few too many hospital dramas. "You're probably right. So now that we've covered that, we should get to know each other better. What are you into...aside from taking off your clothes?"
A wicked grid spreads across Bryce’s face, and Charlie already knows she’s made a mistake with her choice of words. “Hmm, taking of my clothes pretty much covers it. Whether for work...or play.”
“Oh my god, you are terrible, but I totally set myself up for that, didn’t I?
“I just like to see all the different shades of red I can make your cheeks turn.” He reaches over and twists one of her curls around is finger. “The current one is just about the same as this...oops, now it’s too bright.”
“Stop!” Charlie laughs and batts his hand away.
“But you make it so easy...and it’s cute.”
She has to look away from him before her color transcends to a new shade of crimson. “Anyway, you still haven’t answered my question.”
“Okay, for real, I pretty much like anything active and adventurous. I have to spend a lot of my spare time working out, for obvious reasons, but I like most sports, basketball in particular, and anything that gets my adrenaline going - racing, rock climbing, skydiving...”
“Ahh, hence the cliff diving.”
“I take it that’s not your thing?” Bryce questions.
“Heights in general are not my thing,” Charlie admits. “I’m really not a fan of any activity where I could easily plunge to my death.”
Bryce chuckles. “I could tell, but maybe I’ll change your mind a little bit.”
“Doubtful.”
“Then what do you like to do for fun?”
“Hmm...” She has to think on it because the last four years for Charlie haven’t been filled with much fun outside of med school and studying. “I like to read, travel, go hiking...but on mainly level ground.”
“I could work with that,” Bryce responds thoughtfully.
He could work with that? What the hell is that supposed to mean? “Well, I don’t think you’ll have much time to worry about my interests or your own this week.”
His smile falters briefly before he recovers with his typical cheeky grin. “Oh, right, you almost had me forgetting for a minute we are just pretending. I guess we’ll easily fool everyone else.”
“Yeah... What else do we need to know about each other?” Charlie changes the subject because she doesn’t want to let her mind go where it was starting to go. “Tell me about your family.”
“We’re not close, and I’m going to leave it at that.” His expression hardens, and this time it stays that way.
She realizes she’s touched a nerve and she doesn’t know what to say. “Okay, no family talk then. Maybe we can take a questioning break and just relax for a bit. She has no right to press him on this, so she just stares ahead to the in-flight movie. She’s getting drowsy so she leans back against the headrest, and the next think she knows, Bryce is calling her name.
“Charlie, time to wake up. We’re here.”
Charlie straightens herself upright, disoriented momentarily to time and place. “What do you mean we’re here?” She peers around Bryce, out the window, to see solid ground. “You let me sleep through the whole descent?”
Bryce shrugs with a smile playing on his lips. “I didn’t want you to have to worry again about your possible impending death.”
Despite his cheeky reply, his intentions had been rather sweet, so she chooses to focus on that. “Thank you,” she says but then out of the corner of her eye, she spots something that ruins whatever kind of moment had been happening, and her jaw drops. “Oh my god, I am so sorry.”
Bryce looks down at his shoulder and back up at her with that same mischievous look on his face. “It’s no problem, really. I’m used to people drooling over me all the time.”
Charlie rolls her eyes and before she can formulate a comeback, the flight attendant dismisses them. “You ready?” She stands up grabbing her carry-on and Bryce follows.
“Can’t wait.”
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Innerview: Sonya Baughman / Review Magazine
July 2008
Image: DJG's "Live & Let Die" Record by Paul McCartney & Wings
Note: Interview for a magazine feature.
01) Where did you grow up and where do you live now? My young cloth diapers treaded a lot of dirt, dead animal and doggy acres in the North Central stick regions of Missouri, Mid-West, USA. Currently, adult plastic diapers drag and sag me in mid-town Kansas City, MO. The first six years had me bucking bales, falling off hay wagons, piercing my cheek on a hay bale stinger, assisting with the old cow stuck in the mud, designing elaborate tunnels and forts from tomato cages, watching “The Muppets” and “Star Wars” a lot, hearing scary stories of Leopard Man, posing for many pictures with dead and live animals, rocking out in cowboy boots to “Live & Let Die” on my Papa Smurf guitar, and crying at night to my raccoon wallpaper…among many other early formative brain tattoos. Act Two had many dry summers and the bank repossessing the farm and moving us to the home and acres where my Dad grew up. The new place had a blacktop in front of it and a gravel lane with a bridge/creek. The blacktop was a reservoir for leaving behind summertime shoe and bike impressions and for popping tar bubbles in the blistering heat. I also was of age to really explore and build many forts and treehouses in the ditches, barns and woods. Also, I started to go hunting and spend time in the fields with my Dad. We never had a shortage of animals and pets too. A lot of spare time was also spent in the sandbox or in the bedroom designing and building things based on what I saw and experienced. There was also a massive in-take of drawing and pop-culture from comics, books, music, television and movies. There wasn’t much of a cap on what my siblings and I could devour. Oh, and loads of sugary sweets and cereals. Go through the yearly motions and I end up at Southwest Missouri State University in Springfield, MO. There I got some very formal education and incredible interaction with students and design professors from the great making thing ways of Eastern Europe and Russia. I pretty much maxed out my art and design class card and was even making a ton of design work on the side for musicians. I then received a higher calling to drop out of school and make my guts out in Kansas City, MO which is where I’ve flopped around now for the past seven years. 02) Talk a little about your artistic background. Are you self-taught, did you go to college for art (if so, where)? My background is painted with loads of pop-culture from the 1980s and ’90s mixed in with the soil of farm life. I also designed and built many elaborate tree houses and forts up until the age of eighteen and spent most any spare minute in the sandbox or locked in my room drawing, reading, studying, video game playing, movie watching and just playing in general. I’ve never understood people’s ability to get bored or to not use the creation within them to ooze life out. I’ve enjoyed drawing comics, sports mascots and WWII battle scenes with my Dad at a young age that involved aircraft carriers, tanks and flags of those involved in conflict. My older brother would also draw a lot with me. He was better though. My younger sister and brother were pretty solid too. We have no idea where our creativity came from other than a great uncle, maybe? Also in my youth I would make giant collages out of magazine clippings and lots of mix tapes of Dr. Demento’s bizarre radio program and recorded and memorized many a variety of cartoon episodes and cool shows like Pee-wee’s Playhouse. I’ve also been a constant collector all my life. Back in the day I was all about the whole spectrum of toys, comics, ball cards, cereal boxes and loads of other junk…even kept dead animal parts under my bed. In the fifth grade I won a county wide logo contest for a skating and bowling fun center and it was the first time I realized disappointment with design as my logo was butchered by those higher-up. In middle-school up until my junior year of high school I studied more comics, logos, sports architecture and wanted desperately to design new-vintage baseball stadiums until the realization of my poor math skills hit like a ton of collapsed buildings. I even won a Kansas City Royals baseball essay contest. Getting made fun of daily in high school stunk, but it really fueled my work ethic, dreams and caused me to lock up in my bedroom at night. Though, I still wish I would have worked harder in my youth. I still really enjoy working hard and being alone to this day. In the summer of 1996 I was selected to attend the first ever Missouri Fine Arts Academy and learned that I had more to offer with my insides and got a chance to interact with more likeminded minds. I came back to my senior year of high school with notebooks of typographic graffiti designs and a whole new language of what I thought was the art world. There was also a new art teacher at my school and he was serious and seriously cool and recognized that I had something to offer. I also came back to my senior year with more confidence in expressing myself and decided to dive into the world of graphic design for my post-high school studies. I had no idea what I was going to really do with it, but I knew I just wanted to use my gift of making stuff for the rest of my life. And graphic design somehow promised a bit more security in money than going the fine art route. Though, I’ve now managed to merge the two and to still not make any money. My high school scores had me at number 12 out of 24 in my class and I scraped the bottom of the test barrels to get me into college. Southwest Missouri State University in Springfield, MO said I could come and so I did. They were the only institution I applied for and I had liked it from my three week stay at Fine Arts Academy the previous year. College was great, but I could tell quickly that I wasn’t a top art pup like I was in my small school way back down the line. I was with the bigger dogs now. I struggled with drawing classes because I realized that I wasn’t as good as I had been told I was for the previous eighteen years. That was a set-back and I still wish to this day I would have worked harder at drawing. But, mostly I have trouble drawing in a cramped room with a ton of people breathing down my neck and at certain times of the day. The introduction and foundation art classes were more my calling and I could take the stuff home and work alone and all night. Most of my friends complained because they couldn’t wait until sophomore year when we would be on the computer for design. I didn’t really understand what I was getting into with graphic design. In fact, one day I exclaimed to my friends that I was taking the graphic design route that didn’t use computers and was entirely hands-on. They thought I was pretty insane for saying that and pretty much called me a fool. It’s kind of funny now though. I was so naïve at 18 and 19 to what the formal graphic design world was and I think I still am ten years later. Back when I was more bushy-tailed, I just wanted to make things and cut stuff out and not chain up to a computer…and I guess I’m still bushy-tailed, though I have a computer and use it mostly as a tool. When I finally did get placed in front of a computer, it was a struggle and I just couldn’t get into it and past the screen barrier. It almost stopped me from majoring in graphic design. But, we weren’t on the computer all the time as we were taught to conceptualize and to think and to be hands-on too. But, we needed to know the computer too. I just couldn’t get along with the computer for the longest time. Of course, the computer whiz kids just couldn’t wait for the next semester that involved a wordy world called typography. Which, naively enough I thought was about the art of map making. I liked maps, so I was excited too. But, I soon found out it was a whole new world that would poison the ABCs in me forever…good and bad. At least in type class we were still taught to think and do things by hand before messing with computer fonts. That first year or two of official design school was just terrible for me as I felt I wasn’t really “getting” it and didn’t think I would be happy as a graphic designer. I was just fulfilling project requirements and with zero heart or much care. It wasn’t until I haphazardly signed up to duel major in illustration that things started to make music inside of me. I began to really pour myself out and realize that I could approach things in a similar light as to when I was a child and be happy. Illustration saved me and I found my voice with it and my classmates and instructors started noticing. The energy there was great and everybody fed off of each other and helped each other see in new light(s). I also began to understand the valuable importance of the experience of my schooling as the instructors not only had a unique style of teaching, but they also had interesting backgrounds and culture from Eastern Europe and Russia. I could mildly relate to them as I was a transplant from the foreign farm world of North Missouri. After many design trips to studios I began to feel a very empty feeling with the profession I had chosen to represent my working life. It was not what I wanted to do with a “career”, or my time. I didn’t wish to work in a factory of fried monitor goo-lash. I wanted to just make stuff and at my own pace and pleasure. I was also very protective of my work and wanted parental rights and not for it to belong to another man’s name or dream. My love for music started to fuse with design and I began to start making many things on the side for musicians, which spread to other types of word-of-mouth work for me. An eye-popping lecture by modern rock poster designer Art Chantry sealed my personal deal for wanting to do my own thing. Shortly after that I decided I needed to change many gears in my life and secretly drop out of school following my final design class in the fall of 2001 and live with a band (and some) in a big old dilapidated orange house behind the original Lamar’s Donuts in Kansas City, MO. While some senior students had trouble looking for one real world client to work with for their final projects, I had close to 10 off the top of my head and whole bunch of future blank pages to fill. 03) During the time you have been making art have you always been drawn to this type of graphic expression? Did you “find” a style or did a style find you? I’d say a bit of both. I’ve never really gone for a set “style”. I’m sure that I’ve got one that has become recognizable to my thumb prints. Honestly, I never really think too hard about what I’m making or the why or how of the making until I have to answer questions like this. Then I start to over-think things. Also, whenever I’m told that I’m a good collagist or good at hand type or so-and-so rendering, then that is the only time I really make an effort to switch gears. I have boiled the majority of my output to be relational to the immediacy of my moods, thoughts, tickles, inclination and whatevers. Though, sometimes life can get in the way and I’ll have to slide down a small sliver of time and energy depletion, like I am with trying to get this writing out on time! But, I’m a big fan of cranking stuff out no matter what. Life is pretty darn short to sit on my hands. It seems that style can be a bit of a drag for some people and/or a hole. I’ve always been more in-tune to the folks who just follow what their gut, heart, hands and eyes speak instead of creating a set template. Some people never stray too far from that and only a few can truly get away with it. Edward Gorey is perhaps one of the few who could really make it work for me. I would certainly love to draw and think as well as he did, but I might be quite miserable doing the same thing over and over even if I was able to do it for a living. I think that a lot of people get confused and think they need to have a style and either invent one or pick other people’s noses instead of sniffing what they’ve been wearing all their life. Style to me is a lot like decorating or something. Though, at the same time that decoration might marriage perfectly to what somebody thinks they need. I don’t know though. Sometimes I think it’s funny when we as people think we need something to look or feel a certain way that’s already been communicated or visualized. I think that sometimes we are too caught up in what’s done before instead of thinking for ourselves. I’m guilty too. What’s really confusing to me, on a personal level, is when I get a request like, “We like all your work so make whatever you want!” and then the client ends up being really disappointed because it wasn’t in their “style” and then it’s awkward. Style is just an odd thing to me. But, most things are. I try to just trust my gutty heart and just make. 04) Do you see your work as communicating your identity or as helping to communicate the identity and message of others? … or both? I see it as me communicating what I’ve gathered from being on the Earth for 29 ½ years and spreading that manure the best I can. It’s a heaping helping to tell the story of others by telling my story. Most of my work fits into fine art and design, at least I’m always told that. I’m not really sure. Of late I’ve been pushing into more of the fine art bin. But, I’m not a big fan of labeling things and I would like to do many things with this thing I do. With design, one does have a role to play with helping somebody else tell their story, and at times, sell their story. There is also a responsibility to the venue the product is in or where it will eventually end up, whether a fine package on a shelf or a poster in the gutter. I feel it can be easy for a designer to lose perspective of the role playing. With leaving behind an identity…well, I like the idea of a paper trail, time-line and bruising thumb prints on this life. However, I don’t necessarily have the intent to say “Hey, look at me.” I am just another human, and one who happens to make things. If the work speaks or inspires (probably frightens and confuses on occasion), then that means a lot to me, especially in these fast-paced and flashy “everyone’s a designer-decorator” times with millions of images and advertisements everywhere. I think it’s great to recognize and at times celebrate gifts and achievement. But, I feel there needs to be a healthy balance. It can be a dangerous thing to play with at times. Some artists I feel become the work of art themselves and end up playing God with the gift and this saddens me as it usually ruins them in the long run. 05) Is there anything about your geographic location that has given you a unique perspective on design and the art you create? Certainly, growing up country might have my visions at a stranger advantage, and a howling merge to that with the city life now. You might see a lot of wonderfully strange things on the streets of the city due to the amount of activity by varieties of people and culture. But, only in small town Missouri do the deer pile up outside the meat locker and blood runs next door to the Baptist church as the high school band splash-marches through it. Growing up it was easy to take my lifestyle for granted. I enjoyed it immensely, but when I was 15 to 18 I wanted to get out a bit more. I was hungry to explore, and not just the many acres we lived on. I wanted the rest of the world. I became a little disgruntled with growing up country and I think that there is a certain stereotype placed upon people anywhere they are, but country folk get it pretty bad. I definitely ate from both sides of the fence, but also didn’t want to be hung up in it for a living. As I grow older I appreciate my roots a lot more and celebrate them and am very thankful. I enjoy going back home. And some day I’d like to move outside of the city to a small plot of land with a making things shack out back. But, my family home isn’t too far down the road for a getaway weekend visit to sit with the stars, coyote yips and fish. 06) What do you consider influences on your art? (this can be other artists, music, philosophy, nature – anything. this question is not just limited to “I’m a big fan of Banksy”) First thing, I believe in the compiling of all days in life to influence an artist’s output (horse apples or clean streets). Our walks tell a lot about who we are in the present prints. I feel that one would be lying to me if what they created was not in their full vision. But, I too think that we all wear and share influences as witnesses to what we’ve seen and where we’ve been. We all help shape each other. I’ve rattled off my early influences of popular culture. I think I’m more in-tune with my child’s self now than I was then as I sit alone and make things and pull from all my days. It’s also easy to feel that I was really moving and discovering more back then with naïve, childlike faith that I’m trying to get back now. I have some good days though and mostly when I’m not thinking too much. I’m still a fan of absorbing lots of things and from many angles. Of course I have my artistic influences. One of my big influences as a child was my Grandma Gibson. She is from the old school of the country and a very hands-on person with making many things like clothing, dead animal backpacks, blankets, pillows, fridge magnets and game board pieces. I still have a lot of the things from those years. I think a lot of my approach to making things came from her. My “professional” art world as a kid had an outside knowledge from trips to museums and PBS specials, though I felt a little detached from that world and still kind of do. My heroes were at the movies because they were more immediate to me, guys like Jim Henson, Stan Winston, Dr. Indiana Jones, Rambo and Han Solo. But, it was Henson’s world that opened me up to the first idea of an artist’s legacy, vision and spirit and glimpse of another world. Something big-time ached in my decade old gut the day I found out he passed away. Musically speaking I was very much a child of my Mom’s Beatles records, “oldies” music and a ton of television theme songs, novelty sing-alongs and old church songs. I still put a lot through my ears now and my biggest influences in music in my older years are Bruce Springsteen, Jeff Buckley, Elliott Smith and Bob Dylan. Also, I am still a big fan of tons of picture books and just anything really. I just know that I’ve never had bare space on the walls and shelves of my home and head. Oh, and wherever I am I’m usually distracted by the stuff on the ground. I’m a big collector of found notes, writings, scribbles, addresses, children’s drawings and good-bad-silly-stupid-smart designs. I like to collect ‘em all. I’ve also collected stamps since I was 10. I’m a big nerd. Here’s a listing of some names in the art and design canon who have made things that either attracted, influenced or moved me in some ways (in no particular order): Saul Steinberg, Seymour Chwast and Push Pin, Lester Beall, Edward Gorey, Ray Johnson, Art Chantry, Henryk Tomaszewski, Vaughn Olver and V23, Raymond Pettibon, Paul Klee, Stanley Donwood, Stefan Sagmeister, Cy Twombly, Saul Bass, Ivan Chermayeff, Ralph Steadman, Robert Rauschenberg, Jean Michel-Basquiat…most anybody who has something to say and develops a bad back carving out their paper trail. Movies are also a giant influence on my work and I study them almost daily. Some of the filmmakers who capture a certain craft of unique spirit that I enjoy include P.T. Anderson, Wes Anderson, Michel Gondry and the Coen Brothers. Folk Art is another big mind-blow and one of my favorite areas to study and get ticked by the of-the-moment heart, purity and passion. I love the idea of somebody just up and making something for the heck of it and not for art’s or ego’s sake. That’s the childlike thing I miss the most. The makers and shakers that move me the most from the folk art movement are Henry Darger, Bill Traylor and Robert E. Smith. And sometimes I get more out of the work on display in county and state fairs by everyday arts and crafters than so-called “professional” art and design work. 07) What is your perspective on the place of poster art here in the Midwest (or KC specifically) as it interacts with the rest of the art community and how the poster art coming out of this community may be perceived on a more national level? I’m curious about this because of the recognition Kansas City artists in general have been receiving lately on a national and international scale and how the art world tends to waffle between interest and disinterest in artists in this region. The music scene here is very interesting to me and a lot of times I think that it is just like 20 people all making it happen. Though, there is a lot of talent, diversity and genre-bending for a small town like this. There are a lot of groups making a mark here and down the highways, same with the people making stuff for them. Though, I get a little strange sometimes because I sometimes feel that the small scene mixed with the internet’s social networks and fewer record stores (oh, and most of my posters take up a whole bulletin board!) makes the poster almost secondary information and so-so decoration. In the same thought though, most of the stuff I see on the internet passes by me in a two-second window like that of highway advertising. Though, some do stick out to me because I’m always on the look to get tickled. And I don’t feel the art of the printed piece will die any time soon. Anyway, the scene just works here in Kansas City somehow and everybody takes care of and appreciates each other’s roles and contributions. I’ve had some great response to what I’m slapping up, but at the same time I think that a lot of people don’t get it. What’s not to get, it’s not too special? But, that’s fine with me. I’m not sure where I am in the scene. Maybe more-so in the “seen” department with my meager budgeted work hanging above a stool in the blurry-eyed late hours. I still think that toilets are one the best places for information gathering. Poster art in general in the last ten years alone has received a great breath of fresh air. Many of the makers are respected within a small collective, and have also been breaking through to represent on a national level of design aesthetic, as well as a well-rounded view of the printed timeline to life and culture. It’s also something that anybody can do and a lot of bands still just make their own stuff, which I’m cool and whatever with it. Everybody has their own style, agenda and empty pockets. But, the personal computer has saturated the landscape with a lot of “samey”. Then again, if it works, it works. In the end if it gets people interested and enthused, then what is there for a bum like me to complain about? And sometimes I really get a kick out of unskilled design stuff(s). I try to stay out of design politics for the most part. There is more to life than design dogma. Though, there is design all around us as we interact with it in every way from the tip-top of a tree to a paper scrap for this article. I enjoy the simple act of creation and inspiration that comes from something that seems like nothing, yet has always been a “something” growing and building and will continue to grow if the viewer lets it do so. You just have to add the proper mix of ingredients, I guess. And I guess my brain isn’t one to formerly function on the full realization to what it’s thinking. So, I’m babbling right now. I do know that something I’ve always enjoyed about the concert poster is the relatively short life span it has and how that can be used to the advantage. I just want to encourage people out there, designers/artists, non designers/artists or even church secretaries, to really push things and work harder. I don’t really care if everyone isn’t versed in design and art. In general I just encourage more to experiment with poster art, find your voice(s) and find new ways to spread the good word. Even if it’s not for a concert or an event, just make something and get it out there. Throw your junk off the overpasses if need be. 08) How has your work been received within the arts community here (and also in other geographic regions if you have been branching out)? For seven years now I’ve somehow managed to remain fairly anonymous and at the same time have sparkled a bit of attention…maybe just a glittering. Life and day job dwindle my hours to where it’s hard to even pay attention on my own stuff sometimes, so I don’t get out much here in the city. Though, I guess it is easier to keep up with things on the internet, papers and here-say. I think Kansas City is making her own dent right now with a wide variety of things going on in the arts landscape. The town is kind of booming and bustling right now. Being that we’re a small town, it’s easy for a small fish to get more wet feet. Though, I’ve never put my whole foot into anything. I just do my thing. Some days I’m not really sure what that thing is, but I do it despite my muck. When I first started on my design quest, like when anyone tackles something head-on, I was head-over-heels and not sleeping much. I was also living with bands and interacting more and actually going to shows several times a week. I don’t know how I did it without exhausting my ticker, but for some reason it all worked. I started to garner a little bit of buzz here that seemed to spread quick outside the state and international borders. Many people contact me from all over and slap my stuff alongside some of my design favorites in magazines and books. It’s a hoot. People are always interested in my story and creations. It’s all still really odd and blushing to me in some light that the little things I make are reaching a selective audience on a much grander scale. Anyway, I’ve certainly learned now that sleep is important and that it’s better for me to work smarter, not harder. Though, that’s not entirely the truth as I still work pretty darn hard and I believe in it greatly. Still, I’ve struggled with my own brand of discontent since I fell from a slide and blacked-out at the age of five. It’s something that I’m working and wrangling with. But, with any kind of actual work you’ve studied, worked hard with and duct taped up the switch with 24-7, you learn to just not think and rather DO and the moves become mechanical. I just have to put to use different types of oil to keep from rusting. It all becomes a fluid thing, or something constantly coming down on me in the grocery aisle, tree leave holes and side walk crack scribbles. It can be challenging when life stuff gets in the way, but I shouldn’t see it as getting in the way. I easily get confused, but then I realize that the things I experience and see and do (good-bad) all go into my design pot mixed with my past and then I just have to do the upchucking as I move forward and I tend to feel better. Recently I’ve definitely stepped back on my massive production of concert posters and I’m sure that many people reading this will think, “Geesh, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen this idiot’s work?” Not only has my life changed in some ways, but I also had to give myself permission to take a time out and to learn to say no to some things. A break was needed before burnout and bitter rotted my worms in the apple, among other things. I had a year of little activity and practiced sitting on my nest. I still made a bunch of stuff, but a lot just for me. I’ve also been involved in various group art shows around the country, design books and special art projects with friends spread about. Another thing I did, and still do, is just to see what other avenues I’d like to take my one man show. I’m learning to use the internet for the medium that it is too. Anyway, I’ve always got some stew samples back burning, but my biggest competition is myself…on top of time, energy and money. Mostly myself, as I’ve always been extremely hard on myself. Though, I’ve been told I make it look easy. I’ve never been good at math, so you go figure. I get exhausted from trying to figure this out. 09) Is artwork your main profession and, if not, are you intending to make it so? It’s really flattering and kind of sad when every spring I get more and more inquiries from freshly plucked and talented college students about a possible internship or job with DJG Design. In general, due to what most think to be a large and varied output of work, people who don’t know what I’m about think that there is a D, a J and a G making things. It always excites me to be contacted by enthused students and other design people (any walks of life, really) who saw something or connected to my work and got a spark. It makes me rosey, but it also keeps me a little down as I don’t make enough money to do this full-time. But, it all keeps me at my little basement bay working on my bad back and poor eye sight, keeps me (under)grounded in some ways. I’ve always worked full-time jobs and have been married now for three years. So, certain responsibilities come with walking hand-in-hand with another. For now I just spin the day job blues and try to stay content and disciplined, burning the fuel before and after work. But, age is setting in a bit and I’m getting antsy. I also grow tired easier. Good things do come out of day jobs, good design work does too. For the first four or five years I was a janitor and groundskeeper. So, loads of perks came from great finds, discards, dumpster dives and lots of free food and more time to read and study and draw. Heck, I even designed a few posters between clock punches. Currently my position has me staring at a computer doing data entry. The health care, artificial air and hours are great and I can walk out my back door and be there in seven minutes. But, it can be difficult to know that I’m sitting and squandering something back home. I do take it with me everywhere upstairs, and I do a bit of networking during the day time, but there is still that itch to make things full-time and not have a full plate of non-stop. It’s all hard to balance. But, making things is the only thing that I’m told that I’m somewhat good at. Well, other than eating junk food, watching movies, being confused and petting my four kitty cats. I am fast approaching thirty and the visual of time stacking is more evident than ever. Each space between second hand clicks is another scratch of tiny pine box to me. I am slowly checking off my list of “Before 30 Goals”, but I’m usually several cars back and sometimes it’s a pileup. Life takes a different course too. But, I have caught back a hold of a torch of some sort. I am constantly tacking up side boards to the wagon. After eight years of looking at Gigposters.com, I finally have ALL of my poster work up on there. It’s a great way to generate exposure and get my work out some more. I also have my new website up and an extensive volume of imagery on my Flickr.com account. It can be a bit odd to put one’s self out there in such a reservoir fashion, but I do like the idea of the timeline and personal file cabinet. And if my house burns down, it’s all digitized and makes it easier on my friends when they have to move me. So, day jobs…they are both blah and bling in my mind. My sling shots just point back at me on certain days. Sometimes they change direction with every sentence. At least I’m now under a thousand dollars on my student loans. I don’t make a thousand dollars in most years on design. 10) Tell me a story – have you had any strange poster requests? A project where you just about lost it? A poster that succeeded beyond expectations or failed in a way that took you totally by surprise? A project-situation-chaos that always sticks out when I’m asked a question like this happened to me back in June of 2002. It’s not a poster, but it’s pretty whacky and ended up being one of the best things that I think I’ll ever make. It was a special run of 250 homemade CD packages for the band Elevator Division. I’ve had many projects that demand more production time than my little brain imagines, but this one was the worst. Actually, the finished piece is a lot tamer than my initial idea. Though, the final image’s concept married to what the band was communicating on the disc inside is way better. The following true story I’ve released for a previous interview, I just tweaked a few glitches… The idea came at the night I started printing. Well, actually it was spray paint. I had an image made for a month or more and then changed it at the last stroke of inspiration. It married the themes for the album “Whatever Makes You Happy” perfectly. With reflections of war and relationships in the songs, I made an image of a hand shooting off its index finger like a missile. It was the idea of shooting off one’s options and making decisions. It was aggressive, inviting, serious and humorous all in one. It was not only fitting for the band/music but also to the national/world agenda and climate. I went to war that night with many cans of spray paint and the idiot mind to do two-hundred and fifty all in one massive sweep, and in my basement, which is something I will never do again because I could have died. I will probably also never be involved with another package like this again (take that back, I have been). Anyway, each one was hand-cut from cardboard and handmade stencil sprayed and rubber stamped. Inserts were cut, folded and glued. At the last mist of red spray a crack of thunder shook the massive turn-of-the-century home and I bolted from the basement and out the front door to a down poor fit for Noah himself. I was like a much less cool version of Dr. Frankenstein though. I leapt off the front porch and slid head first down the embankment and into the street turned river current. But, like a taxidermy nightmare, I was born again. The drug dealing squatters across the street were on their front step perch per usual summer evening, looking at the fire in my eyes and the red paint streaming from ears, nose and mouth. It was a high much higher than that of chemical substance. Well, maybe a three pack of design, life and paint fumes. 11) What is it about the poster as an art form that you feel is unique among other art forms? What purpose does it serve in your mind that can’t be served by another type of visual art? I’ve hinted at this in a previous question. I like the idea of the poster’s life-span being short, relative to the date and time…event, whatever. But, if it connects in the right way, and it can be different for everyone as art-design-whatever, is all relative to the viewer, I think that even a concert poster’s impact can last a long time. Since my first year in Kansas City I’ve had people find me out and say that they had a bedroom wall filled up with my work. It really moved me that something so simple (and sometimes stupid) that I squeezed out caused somebody else to be moved enough to hang it above their dreams at night. It means a lot to me when others get something out of something I’ve made. I know from child to adult, I myself have gotten something out of the stuff I’ve collected and tacked to my walls. It’s odd, yet a really nice feeling to know I’m somehow contributing to a landscape in some way. Making things is an act that I’ve always needed to do and has helped me get the best out of many days. I’ve always had difficulty with contributing in many forms of communication and on some days it’s terribly hard even just to be out and about. Making things has served as my calling with communication. It’s nice to know it can help others too in whatever way. -djg
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Partner In Crime part 6.
[MASTERLIST.]
Part 5.
Wrapping the thick fluffy blanket over her shivering body, Lyla reached one frozen hand out shakily, stuffing another chocolate in her mouth.
There was no point even attempting to fix the heating problem, she’d lived here long enough to know that she was clueless when it came to anything like this. And Zig was so handy. He’d know exactly what to do. Shame he was out again, with his new girlfriend Cherry. Whore.
Lyla smiled to herself as the word danced on the tip of her tongue, accidentally spilling out to the empty apartment. Zig could keep her for all she cared, if he was willing to do the dirty with someone named Cherry of all the fucking names under the sun, then he could keep her and all the STI’s she was bound to have picked up. Slut. Lyla managed to keep that last insult to herself, pulling the last chocolate from the box into her mouth, barely taking the time to savour the taste.
Who says she needed Zig anyway? If she sat here for the next three days eating chocolate then there was a small chance her wedding dress would no longer fit surely. You can’t get married without a dress right? Knowing Dean he’d have a back up dress, and a back up for that one too. She’d come up with all kinds of solutions to her problem this evening, every one of them knocked back. Run away? Too obvious! Dean was a rich prick, he’d hire someone to sniff her out in an instant. Lock the door and barricade herself in the apartment? He’d either pay to have the damn building knocked down or he’d just leave her to starve to death. The latter being her preference if she had a choice in the matter.
Lyla sank back onto the couch, pulling the blanket over her head and huddling under it’s warmth. The overwhelmingly familiar scent that she knew as Zig’s stung her nostrils, feeling a sharp stab of pain surface unexpectedly. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
She shot up hurriedly at the rapping on the door, blanket trailing on the floor as she padded over to the peephole.
“Aaron?” Her nose scrunched up in confusion as she pulled the door open.
“Hey chickadee. Woah, why’s it feel like the North Pole in here?” Aaron stepped forward and around her, heading straight for the kitchen.
“The man of the house is out.” Lyla replied dryly. “And the heating’s on the blink again.”
Aaron dipped his head under a white cabinet in the corner of the kitchen, hands twisting a few knobs. Huh, so that’s what that thing is!
“No worries, I cracked it! Sucks that Zig is out though, it’s been a while since we last caught up!”
“Wasn’t he just round yours a few nights ago? He slept in until 6pm the next day, said it had been a long one with you.”
“Ahh sorry chicky, I don’t think so. That’s why I came round actually, to check Zig’s okay. It’s been weeks since we last hung out. Is something going on?”
Lyla’s stomach dropped, tears pricking the back of her eyes as realisation sunk in. He’d been lying to her all along. He’d been fucking that bitch this whole time.
***
“So Ziggy, I’m only in town for a few more nights. Can I count on your company?” As she shook her deep red mane the perfect waves fell just short of her breasts, tightly compacted into a figure hugging dress. Not that Zig had even noticed.
He took a steady sip from his bottle, running over how to play this in his head. “Do you have to go?” What the hell was that you desperate fuck?!
She ran her tongue along her lips, thick with sticky gloss and overly plump. “You’re sweet baby, but we both know this isn’t going anywhere.”
Uncertain how to respond, Zig found himself giving her the slightest nod in recognition, a meek smile on show.
“For what it’s worth Zig I appreciate you taking the time to get to know me.”
“Of course why wouldn’t I...”
“We don’t need to pretend any more sweetie. I know you aren’t interested in me. Don’t get me wrong, i’ve had fun playing with you, but you’re a good boy at heart. I’d eat you alive given the chance.”
“I...”
“You have a girlfriend, I know.”
“How?” He felt a warm rush creep over him at her choice of words, the idea of Lyla being his girlfriend one day, after all this shit was over, made him giddy with excitement. But how could Cherry possibly know that? He’d been careful not to mention Lyla’s name, not wanting to drag her into this mess if he could help it.
“What I wouldn’t give to have someone look at me the way you do when you think about her. You’re so oblivious, it’s adorable. Those pretty little eyes of yours light up all of a sudden, and it’s like I don’t exist, no one else exists. You can carry on a conversation but you’re not really here. Don’t even think about denying it, after all these dinners we’ve been on I think i’ve finally got you sussed.”
Zig was rendered speechless, taking a moment to catch himself. Good going Zig!
“Am I that obvious?” She offered him a teasing smile, the bags under her eyes crinkling upwards as her face stretched wide, despite the mound of make up attempting to hide them.
“Even if I wasn’t so good at reading people, there’s no way I could ever miss that massive hickey you’ve been sporting all week.”
Zig’s hand swiftly trailed to the sensitive spot on his neck, the once dark purple bruise having faded to a yellowing brown. He’d completely forgotten it even existed, his mind fixed on more important matters recently. He felt a pang of regret as his mind wandered to Lyla. How little he’d seen of her recently, how badly she must be feeling. He just needed her to hang on a little longer. There were just three days left until the wedding and he wasn’t about to give up now. He was close to finding a way out of this, he could feel it.
“Which leads me on to my first question. What are you doing here with me? I get the impression it’s the last place on Earth you want to be.”
“That’s...not entirely true. I could think of worse places for sure. You are a lovely girl Cherry.” A genuine smile slipped into place. He meant it. As much as he didn’t want to have to be in this position, dipping into what little savings he had to take out a stranger every night in the hope she would eventually open up to him about her idiot ex boyfriend, she had been friendly and kind, despite clearly seeing through him.
“Okay sweet boy, save the speech. My next question for you is how did you find me?”
“With great difficulty. Sheer grit and determination some might say.”
She chuckled warmly, casting him an appraising look, teeth sinking into one talon like ruby red fingernail, a decoy to hide the sincere smile slowly spreading.
“Alright alright. I have my fair share of secrets myself, I’ll let you keep yours. Just let me tell you something handsome. I suspect me and you may have a common enemy. And he’s the reason why I have to skip town soon.”
“Why?” Zig sat forward in his seat abruptly, back straightening, eager to hear more.
“This is my life now. This is the only way to stay safe. As a matter of fact, i’ve never risked so much before as I have recently just by being here with you.” Cherry discreetly glanced around the restaurant, seeming to be on edge all of a sudden.
“Will you tell me about him?”
“Is there any point? You already know anyway. What’s the plan here kid, get me to stand up and testify for you somewhere that Dean’s a dirty scumbag that beats women up because he can?”
“He...Hurt you? He hit you?” Shit. Lyla swore he’d never gone as far as to hit her, but what did Cherry stand to gain from lying about it to a stranger? That made no sense. She was telling the truth.
Her eyebrows raised as she watched his face in silence for a minute before continuing. “And the rest.”
His mouth gaped open, fear stabbing his chest as his thoughts turned to Lyla.
“He had me fooled for a while. We were young, first proper relationship for both of us. I thought I was in love with him. Sure, he was controlling. But in a way it turned me on. And the possessiveness, I liked it. I thought that’s what I wanted. Someone to tell me I was theirs so often I couldn’t possibly forget. I got a rise out of his jealousy, it made me feel sexy and wanted. I struggled for years afterwards, thinking I was the fucked up one. I was so young, naive and stupid.” Her chin wobbled as she placed a hand over her mouth, taking a moment to compose herself.
Zig reached over, placing a comforting hand on the top of her shoulder, a weak smile the only response for a full minute.
“Anyway it is what it is. As soon as he got that ring on my finger everything changed for the worst.”
Zig’s head snapped up. “Ring?”
Her head bobbed up and down in an uncertain nod. “I thought you knew. That’s why you went to the trouble of tracking me down right?”
Zig’s brow furrowed in confusion, words failing him.
“It seems Dean has done a good job of covering his tracks then. Money will do that for you. Of course his parents know, they were the only witnesses we actually had, he arranged the whole thing. They put on a good show, but deep down I know they are terrified of him. They know what he really is. He’s the one with all the cash these days, he’s the powerful one. They’ll stick by him no matter what.”
Zig ran a shaky hand through his hair, struggling to control his breathing. “So you end up leaving Dean, get a divorce and he pays you off to keep quiet. Why are you constantly moving around then?”
“What...No. That’s not right! I don’t need or want that prick’s money. I ran away and I left him yes, but there’s a reason I’m always on the move.”
“What are you saying Cherry?”
“We never got divorced. We’re still married.”
***
Zig all but skipped through the apartment door, gathering Lyla up in his arms and spinning them both round on the spot just once, before he recoiled, her hands slapping at his chest hard. As her feet settled onto the ground she wasted no time in putting distance between them, her eyes dark and cold.
“Don’t.” Lyla barked, a blush creeping up her neck as she struggled to control her anger.
“What’s going on Lyla?” Deep grooves surfaced as Zig’s forehead crinkled in confusion.
“As if you don’t know! Are you that fucking blind?”
“Talk to me baby.”
“Don’t you dare! Don’t act like you give a damn about me. I trusted you Zig...I...fucking trusted you!
The sound of Lyla’s sobs echoed through the silent apartment. Taking a tentative step towards her, Zig winced, resisting the urge to clutch at his chest as it painfully hammered away quickly, too quickly, on the brink of breaking there and then.
“Please talk to me.” He managed, his voice wobbling as his nerve slipped.
Lyla’s eyes narrowed as she rounded on him, jabbing him harshly in the chest with one pointy finger, throwing as much of her weight behind it as possible.
“Now you want to talk? So you can sweet talk me like you did before? I thought you were different Zig. I thought you actually gave a damn about me. Yet here you are, thinking with your dick and fucking around like every other jerk out there.”
At some point she’d traded sharp jabbing fingers for heavy relentless pounding. Zig stood there, too shell shocked to react, taking the full force of her anger wordlessly. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
“I... What?” His scrambled mind started racing, trying to make sense of the accusations she was so freely throwing around.
“Just so you know, she’s definitely a stripper at the very least with a name like Cherry.” Lyla’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, her mouth twisted into a unpleasant smirk.
Zig’s pounding heart stopped thrashing at the sound of Cherry’s name. How the hell did Lyla find out about that? And why was she so angry? All he’d done was try to help.
His mouth took over, a quick comment slipping out before he had a chance to even process what he was saying. “I’m pretty sure that’s not her real name.”
Lyla’s eyes blazed as she bit back equally quickly. “Look at you defending her, how sweet. Well I hope she’s worth it all Zig.”
“What the fuck is going on? This is all for you Lyla. For us. You need to listen to me.”
“No Zig. I’m done with you.” The definitive tone in her voice made Zig suddenly take note of his surroundings, eyes falling on two buldging suitcases at the hallway entrance.
“What the...”
“I’m moving in with Dean.”
“You what? Why Lyla? Whatever you think is going on, it's not worth running away to shack up with that vile prick!”
Lyla’s back straightened, her face impassive. “Say what you want about him Zig, but one thing I can tell you is he would never cheat on me.” Her eyes searched his, before roaming his face. She took her time, following every inch of his face, committing it to memory, before snapping them shut, head lowered, unable to look at him any longer.
“I’ve already blocked your number. And for the record, you're not welcome at the wedding. Neither of us want you there. Goodbye Partner.” Her bottom lip trembled, faltering for just a second, before collecting her bags and striding out of the door, leaving Zig rooted to the spot reeling. Fuck!
Part 7.
Tagging: @zigortega4life @emerald-bijou @littlegreenmoo @krsnlove @choicesthot
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AK Las Luchas interviews Bandido
http://ak-lasluchas.com/
Interview Bandido
https://youtu.be/G5WGj7JZkOA
Date released: JULY 2018
A K Las Luchas
[Intro]
From where and who is El Bandido?
Bandido: He is an originary from Torreon Coahilla. He is a Lagunero with all his heart. Santos Laguna, we are the champs. For sure.
I from the north. El Bandido was born 2 years ago and was the completely new idea coming from the man behind this mask. This mask/gimmick is an idea that came from the promoters at Lucha Libre Elite. They gave me an opportunity to utilize this character.
and really I loved the idea. The colors and the costume really spoke to me. From there on, I imagined a million things and have tried to accomplish them one at a time.
Oh wow. How cool. Right now you were telling you are coming from la comarca lagunera (region in Mexico) and there has been a great number of wrestlers coming from your land to here.
Bandido: Why yes, the people that are coming in are trying to better themselves and win. We have so much perseverance, consistency and discipline that we accomplish it. Right now where were at is a house the is home to all laguna wrestlers that arrive here. Ultimo Guerrero's gym. He is my teacher. My senpai. I think he's an inspiration to many and mine as well. I am grateful for the chance he gave me when I asked for it.
So Bandido, how was your childhood? Were you bullied or were you the one doing the bullying? How was it there?
Bandido: My friends all say that I was the leader. That I was the one bossing everyone around. Telling them what to do. But I loved to be around the football at all times. I was happy with my ball. I would get out of school. Come home to get my ball and go out to round up all my friends and go play. My friends and I would be out for hours playing futbol.
So how were you as a player. You were good at it?
Bandido: Well, yeah. I would play goalkeeper all the time. But that must have been because I was so good. That doesn't mean I was bad or anyone that plays the position is bad at playing.
So how about schooling?
Bandido: In school I was not the best student. Somewhat dense. I felt that sports were my thing since I was very little. I was training at various football academies because I wanted to become a pro player. But destiny and masks have crossed my path.
So if you wanted to be a footballer, how did you end up in wrestling? When did you get pulled in by the magic of wrestling?
Bandido: Every year back home on December 25 or January 1 or even the 6th or 7th there would be visits from all the wrestlers that lived in CD MX from there. So every year they would put on a show. That became a tradtion year after year. So we would go to those shows then. At 3 or 4 I started to go thanks to my father. It was always futbol and wrestling for me growing up. Up until wrestling finally became my world and left futbol.
Did you ever think about getting in the ring then?
Bandido: I did imagine getting in the ring then but, not at the magnitude that I'm doing it right now. Not at the pace I'm doing it. I think its out of this world.
When did you decide you should start training?
Bandido: Well, my brother started training wrestling with the neighbor kids and one day I go along. It was at the arean. Stuka was there giving class. I change and put on my stuff. I train. Stuka asked me afterwards if I had already trained. I told him, "no, never". I was 15 at the time. Stuka asked me how the movements came out so well for me.
How was I able to do things first try? he asked. Well the thing was that I danced as well and my body was fit for that. As well as wrestling around with my brother. I would always wrestle with him when we would go to shows. And would stop when one of us would come out crying. So Stuka asked me to keep training one day. To always show up and train, that he would help me out.
And when was that first opportunity for you? Did you debut there or here in CD MX?
Bandido: No, I debuted at Gomez Palacios Durango. It was on a show for the penitentiary inmates on a Fathers Day. We went to put on a free show. I was not making anything at the time. It was the best moment of my life. If I could live that day over again, I wish I could.
How was it when your family found out you were going to be a wrestler? Were they supportive?
Bandido: When I started training, my father was working in the US. I have a cousin wrestler. Who is Magia Blanca. He comes from a wrestling family. He started training at a much younger age. I tried to start training at 10 with him, but couldn't. My father put the condition on me that if I could do 10 pushups I would be allowed to go train with my cousin. We were at the shop where he worked.
I remember I was trying to do it. I was doing up to 7 and my body couldn't go anymore. I couldn't come back up. So I was not allowed to go train. He told me better luck next time.
Now when he wasn't around, I decided to give it all and do the training. Not miss my chance.
So you debuted there and you were on your way of being a wrestler. When your father comes back and finds out you are now a wrestler. What happened?
Bandido: He didn't know when he was away about this. But knew when he arrived. He knew I was a wrestler and working. I was to work a show at the bull ring. Maginifico was to be there. There were 3 Magnificos. I was Magnifico 2. Magia Blanca was Magnifico 1. Everyone knew who we were there. That we picked our path and father accepted it.
So before you were a wrestler what were you doing?
Bandido: Before becoming a wrestler...the situation in Torreon were not ideal for me and my family. Everyone in my family is a jeweler. They all know the profession. I worked in that shop since I was a kid. I used to make shirts. I used to sell lollipops. I was the only boy in the neighborhood that rode their sister's bike. I had a little pink bike with a basket. I would drive that thing everywhere. Everyone would give me looks but I was happy driving around town on it.
When you arrive here (CD MX) what do you do?
Bandido: My cousin Magia Blanca came here before me. He was here a year already. I asked him to help me out. To try myself out and find out if I'm really cut out for this. He gave me the ok to come over but asked that I talk to Ultimo Guerrero first about it. So I did. He came to Torreon. The Pink Arena for a show. We met and exchanged a couple words.
After my match I asked him if I could head over to CD MX with his help and try out. He told me to call him when I would be heading out. I went on my path at age 18 to try to find out what I was going to do.
What did you do when you got here?
When I got here. I got on the metro with my giant suitcases and like a good Mexican, I get lost there. It was really early like 8 AM. You know us wrestlers are accustomed to waking at noon or later. So this was like early morning for me. I was so tired. I called my cousin that I had arrived and to help guide me there. He was like, "fool, I already told you how to get here, now call me when your almost here!". So I tried and finally came around after hours of being lost. I got here at the gym at around 3 PM. There was nobody there. The gym was closed at the time, but Ultimo Guerrero still had rooms he was renting out.
I came to get a room and look for the dream. I didn't want to get a job because I wanted to concentrate on the dream. I started training immediately.
So we know how it all turned out. You are successful now but has there ever been a time where you wanted to throw in the towel and go home?
Bandido: Of course. A lot of times I wanted to and I've questioned myself along the way. I can say now that all the sacrifices are worth what I have now. Just looking at the mask. I get that feeling. It's all been worth it. First thing is to leave the family at home. I always go hang out with them when I'm home. I always try to make time for them. But also it can be too much to handle. Like not having any money to eat. That hurts. You have to accept what you have. And you miss the comfort and motivate yourself to really go after what you think you can achieve. What you really want.
Yes, you measure yourself up. So that all happens. Now you get to wrestle at Arena Mexico.
Bandido: Yes, I arrive and start training with Ultimo Guerrero. From a select group of wrestlers we were picked to train and start our journey to becoming a star at Arena Mexico. I think it was very gratifying there. I felt like we were really making progress there with my cousin. That we were going to break through. But its like a wheel of fortune being there. You would get good news and be really happy. But get hit with something bad and that would really make you doubt yourself. And want to go home and forget it all.
Now you are fortunate to have lived what you have lived and now are a success. You have traveled to work and have even won a belt. Tell us more
Bandido: There is a story. To train at the gym you had to pass this test of conditioning. To see if you are worthy to train there. And its not out of ordinary to see wrestlers show up and train there like Black Warrior, Hijo Del Santo, Ricky Marvin. One day we were all training and one day Hijo Del Santo shows up and demands to train with us. I couldn't believe it. I felt like a kid again to have him in front of me. It was a pleasure to help him out training and help him recover from injury at the time.
One time after training he made it obvious that he was observing me and watching how I performed. One of the trainers was talking about Hijo del Santo getting a tour of shows in London.
That a guy training who was to be on that show had gotten injured and that I was to take his spot. The trainer let me know and Hijo del Santo asked me personally. He asked for my paperwork and said that he would work on getting me my travel to go. What ended up was that Ultimo Guerrero joked that I had to stay and train. But it was incredible to go and be the first time I got to work outside.
So how was it to work in Japan? How did you communicate?
Bandido: Yes, that was a time where it was difficult because I was not aware of the culture or customs there. Japan is a very out of this world place. There values and technology is incomparable. I think the communication is not a problem. They know English as a second language. So to every foreigner that goes, they speak to them in English. They are friendly people and very respectful. And when I went to London 2 more times, I got back and thought that I should learn English. To be in another country I need to learn that skill. I learned some basic English to say that I'm hungry or thirsty. Now I'm trying to learn Japanese. In order to communicate better.
Recently we saw you publish a photo with a bucket full of money after a match. Tell us about that?
Bandido: That's what happened. The fans rewarded us with money after the match. Its the biggest compliment fans can give. I was grateful for achieving this. We filled 3 1-liter buckets with money. I watch that match and it brings back good memories for me.
WE saw you post pictures of a belt. What and where is it from?
Bandido: Yes, you did, it was the cruiser-weight title from The Crash. I faced Laredo Kid. He's an old wolf. As well as Desmond Xavier. He is an old face that I've worked with in Japan. That was crucial in winning the match.
Where do you want to go?
Bandido: The goal is the same. I want to be successful. I think I've been successful here in Mexico. Now with London and Japan. I would love to show what I can do now in the US. Show them what real Mexican talent can achieve. I really want to test my fate with the biggest wrestling company in the world. That is where I have my sights set. I want to try to become a success there.
We are sure you will achieve this. You are very disciplined and hard working enough to accomplish this.
Word association
Love - Love Childhood - Love Dreams - Wrestling Super Hero - Father Pain - Family Teacher - Ultimo Guerrero Fear - Death Sacrifices - Tears Hate - Never Wrestling - Love Resentment - Never Mask - Life Family - Everything Ring - Respect Happy - Wrestling Peace - Family Mexico - Heart
Sends a message to the viewers to motivate them that dreams are achievable.
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Ballad of the Thundering Heart ch. 17
https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605048/chapters/32726928
The first thing Steve noticed when he came to was that he was really, really comfortable. This bed was much softer than his own. It was like he was sleeping on a cloud. He didn’t even remember falling asleep, really. He lay down and the next thing he knew he was dreaming. He couldn’t remember what about, for once. He just knew that there was Thor wearing a cape, sexy, form-fitting armor, and swinging some hammer that allowed him to fly. He also had lightning powers, which was weird.
The second thing he noticed was that there was something heavy on his chest. He opened his eyes and saw Thor, his boyfriend resting his head on his chest. He had also wrapped his arms around him, so Steve was trapped underneath him. But for some reason, he couldn’t find it in himself to care… until he noticed through his sleep-addled mind, that Thor was shirtless.
Think pure thoughts, Stevie! he thought quickly. Rainbows. Unicorns. Cotton candy--
And just like that he was thinking about the first time he kissed his boyfriend at Coney Island, and the… fondue kissing they had done last night and his thoughts were anything but pure. He really didn’t need a boner to pop up while his boyfriend was sleeping on top of him. Well, if they had actually gone that far in their relationship it wouldn’t be a problem, but just thinking about… that… with Thor in such close proximity terrified him.
I need to distract myself, he thought. But considering that he was held captive by Thor’s arms, that essentially meant one thing. So he brought up a hand to Thor’s head and started to pet the long, silky, tangling strands. It was amusing to see how unkempt his hair became at night. He always seem so… well-groomed. Steve sort of assumed he just woke up like that.
Thor hummed in his sleep and nuzzled Steve’s chest. Steve chuckled to himself as he felt the vibrations against his chest. He continued to run his hand through Thor’s hair… and then he reached the end and his fingers felt Thor’s back. His breathing hitched.
Could he touch Thor? Could he… feel his boyfriend? He was… warm. He was a hotbox, actually. Steve wondered why he bothered with blankets, the guy probably never got cold. Steve certainly felt like they were overkill at this point. His skin had a natural, healthy glow like he spent a lot of time in the sun. Not angry and red like some. Thor’s complexion looked like he belonged in the sun.
Someone knocked on the door.
“Master Rogers?” It was Mr. Baker. “It is 10:00, sir. We must get going soon if we are to meet Mr. Barnes at the station.”
Steve sighed. “Thank you, I’ll be ready soon.”
“Very good, sir.”
Thor sighed and nuzzled him again. “Do you have to get up?”
“Yeah, babe, I promised Bucky I’d see him off,” Steve replied with a yawn.
Thor moved his face up to kiss his neck. “Do you have to get up now?” he whispered into his ear.
Steve shivered. Get up, you fool! he shouted at himself. But Thor was kissing him and his powerful, muscled body was right there in front of him and he couldn’t think straight. Steve gasped as he felt Thor descend once more onto his neck to kiss and suck at his tender flesh. Steve had enough presence of him to lay a hand against Thor’s chest and pushed him back gently.
“No, Thor, I can’t,” he said. Thor fell back onto the bed but made no further comment. Now a new problem presented itself. Steve could his boyfriend’s chiseled physique. It was right there in front of him, relaxed and beautiful and… there! Thor chuckled and Steve realized that he had been staring at him.
“See something you like, älskling?” he teased.
“Hooot. I mean-- fuck, no-- I mean yes,” Steve stammered. Thor began laughing uncontrollably. Steve decided to make a tactical retreat. He leaped off the bed, grabbed the clothes on the dresser Mr. Baker had laid out for him, and ran across the room and out the door. In retrospect, he probably could have just used the bathroom that was connected to Thor’s bedroom, but in his bid to retreat, he had simply ran out the nearest door.
“Make good choices!” Thor called after him, howling with laughter. Steve ducked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. It was then that he looked down and noticed that, against his better judgment, he was sporting a boner. He felt his entire body flush with mortification. Did Thor see it? Is that why he said “make good choices” when he left the room? What was he thinking?
Steve tried, with some difficulty, to put it from his mind. He needed to get ready soon if he was going to be able to meet Bucky at the station on time. He put the clothes down and noticed a handwritten note on the top.
The underwear is new, don’t worry-- Frigga
“Thank God,” he muttered.
He looked at the shower. It was easily half again, maybe even twice the size of his bathroom at home. Or it seemed that way to him, anyway. It was all a warm, beige color and all tile whereas most of the floors in Steve’s home were one brand or another of cheap linoleum. There were shower heads at either end of it, a bench on the inside wall, another nozzle on the wall that he could remove to reach those… hard to reach places.
Steve quickly stripped out of his borrowed pajamas. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. He looked at himself, a small, scrawny kid. His eyes ran over the bundle of ugly, jagged scars on the right side of his chest over his collarbone. He raised a hand to wander over them. They almost seemed like from another life, now. His hand wandered over to another bundle of scars on his side near his rib cage. Reminders. Echoes he’d never be rid of. Lingering reminders of old pains and old fear.
Without another thought for them, he jumped into the shower and turned the water up to its highest setting. And immediately jumped back when it reached truly scalding temperatures.
“Why does he need the water to be so hot?” Steve wondered aloud. “Though it would explain some things. Like the guy being an actual hot box.”
He washed quickly and didn’t miss the fact that he was using his boyfriend’s product. He smiled as he smelled the familiar scent of smoke and pine that was uniquely Thor. The smell went straight to his dick. Steve hummed at the sensation of the hot water flowing down his body and over his erection. The image of Thor’s naked, relaxed body sprang immediately to mind. He moaned softly as he began to stroke himself.
Two birds with one stone, right? he thought. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve emerged from the shower dressed and ready to go. He practically ran into Thor on his way out. Who was still shirtless and apparently without shame.
“Going somewhere?” he asked with a grin.
“H-hey, Thor,” he stammered, trying very, very hard to look at Thor’s face rather than his… chest. Or his arms. Or his abs.. “Y-yeah, I need to h-head out. See Bucky off.”
Thor hummed. “I will see you tomorrow, then,” he said. He brought Steve’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.
Steve blushed. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Give Bucky my regards,” he said, smiling, before he turned to step into the bathroom himself.
Steve rushed down the stairs, eager not to waste any more time. Bucky would kill him if he was late. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
“So who wins?” Mr. Baker asked. “Young Master Rogers slept in his bed, but he was clothed. They didn’t seem to make it past first.”
“I win, of course,” Mrs. Bianchi declared. “They may not have gone that far, but they slept in the same bed. That’s the equivalent of second base, if you ask me!”
“Just admit defeat and give me the money, Alessia,” Mr. Baker. “You can have your chance to win next time.”
She relented with a sigh and took out her money, throwing it on the table. Mr. Baker smiled as he leafed through the money and stuffed it in his wallet.
“It was a pleasure doing business with you, Alessia,” he said.
“Oh, get over yourself, Bertie,” she grumbled. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve got the feeling that Mr. Baker was feeling smug about something as they pulled into a parking space near the train station but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t pay it any mind though as he jumped out of the car and ran down the steps to see Bucky. His friend grinned as he approached and grabbed him in a fierce hug like when they had met again a couple days ago.
“You’re here,” Bucky cried. “I was worried you wouldn’t show!”
“Why? Because of that little incident last night?” Steve asked, punching his arm. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, Barnes.”
Bucky chuckled at that. “You look like you enjoyed the rest of the evening with Thor,” he said, gesturing to Steve’s hickies. “Your neck took a bit of a beating.”
Steve flushed. “You should see the other guy.”
“Stevie, Stevie, Stevie!” Bucky crowed. “You’re growing up so fast! I’m so proud.”
“You know what the most awkward part of the whole thing was?” Steve replied.
“What?”
“Getting caught by Odin,” Steve said.
“Shut up!” Bucky cried. “Oh my God, come on you have to tell me all about that!”
Steve told him the whole story over lunch in one of the fast food places at the station. It was strange, and oddly comforting, to be eating plain old fast food burgers and fries after eating fancy rich food for the past couple days. Bucky was laughing uncontrollably by the time Steve had finished his story.
“I wish I had been there to see his face,” Bucky said. “Still, I don’t envy you, buddy. Having Odin on your bad side sounds rough. At least Thor and Frigga have your back, though.”
“Yeah, it’ll be interesting, that’s for sure,” Steve mused. “What about you? What are you gonna do about Natasha when you get back?”
Bucky chuckled awkwardly. “I don’t know, man,” he said. There was a strange look in his eye as he regarded Steve. “I think I might have just screwed up. Maybe I’ll just call it quits and move on.”
“Come on, Buck,” Steve said. “You can’t give up before you try.”
“But what if she says no?”
“What if she says yes?” Steve countered.
Bucky was silent at that. Steve couldn’t pretend he knew what he was going through. He was, after all, in a relationship with the first person who he’d really fancied. It was completely different than trying to ask someone out who may or may not be interested at all. Still, it was similar enough.
All too soon, however, Bucky’s train came close to its arrival time in the station and he had to leave. They embraced again as they said their goodbyes. Somehow it seemed both worse and better than when he had left before. Before, Steve was losing his only friend and facing a year of school on his own. Now, he had Thor. And he had friends in Loki and Tony. Somehow his support system had grown exponentially. And yet, just as everything in his life seemed to be getting better, his friend wasn’t going to be there to be part of it. There was a twinge of pain and regret, but Steve tried not to let it bother him.
“Let me know how your relationship with Thor goes,” Bucky said as they hugged.
“I will,” Steve promised. “And you be sure to let me know how things go with Natasha.”
“All right all right, you old lady,” Bucky chuckled. He grabbed his bag and headed towards the terminal.
Steve was left feeling melancholic as he watched him go. Mr. Baker, in an unusual display of affection, rested a gentle hand on Steve’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything and Steve didn’t ask him. He appreciated the gesture, though.
“We can leave whenever you’re ready, sir.”
Steve gave it another couple minutes before he consented to be taken home. Thor was right. They had a lot to get done by tomorrow. When he returned home with his suit in his bag, he found his mom waiting for him on the couch.
“How was your night?” she asked.
“It was great,” Steve replied. “You ever heard of fondue?”
“The cheese or the chocolate?”
“Both,” Steve said. He explained how Thor had rented a rooftop in the city, how they had danced until the fondue dinner was ready, and then kept dancing until they went back to his place. He conveniently left out the part about what they did with the chocolate fondue, though. That wasn’t really something he felt like sharing with his mother.
“You made good choices, I trust?” she asked. Steve stared at her for a moment until he caught her meaning.
“Mom! No! I mean yes, I made good choices, we just,” he stammered, his face heating up and again he wished privately that he didn’t have such a fair complexion. “Nothing like that happened.”
“Okay, good just making sure,” she said, her face the same shade of scarlett that he imagined his face must be.
“Now if you don’t mind,” Steve said, grabbing his backpack from beside the door. “I have some homework to finish by tomorrow.”
She waved him away, surely eager to end the conversation. When he got back he checked his phone. In addition to some other notifications from Facebook and his email, he had one text from his boyfriend.
I hope your farewells went well :)
Steve smiled. They did, thanks for asking.
He put the phone away before he could become distracted by his caring boyfriend and got to work.
#thundershield#stevethor#thorsteve#thor x steve rogers#marvel#avengers#fanfic#Thundering Heart#Ballad of the Thundering Heart#my work
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Preparation and Restoration
Preparation And Restoration
The Kindness of a Loving God
By Kenneth Stepp
Becoming Benjamin:
At 16 years old, he was coming into his own. He was a shy kid, just trying to be a man, Skinny Benny was his name most of his childhood. He found himself at a dirty gym in the inner city. The sport was boxing. He wasn’t known for his physical prowess, yet he mustered the courage to be there. He awkwardly pushed one rope down and pulled one up and stepped into the ring. The mat felt strange. Bouncy even. He wasn’t expecting that. The ring favorite came up. His name was Jabber, no doubt a nickname. Just another kid, no doubt from the neighborhood, stepped into the ring and stared at Benny. He had been here many times and they called him Champ, Benny was new at this. He thought he’d be trained before this. Evidently, training is what he was doing here. The ref made his way to the center of the ring. Fighters waved to the middle. Fair and clean fight, he said. Ding! It was a massacre. Benny found himself on the mat, bloody, ears ringing, and yet, alive in a way he’d never been. What just happened?
The next day Benny hurt in places he didn’t know he had. Sporting a black eye and a very fat lip. All he could say was two things. At least he did it. And he could do better. It was hot out that day. Benny’s family had no idea about the sport he was interested in. Something about it just sucked him in. He felt compelled to know what it was and to master it. Looking back, it was all a plan for his life. To him, it was something that called him. He trained, He ran every day, he studied the great fighters, he watched videos, went to matches, lifted weights, he trained. Some days, it was mindless actions, some days it was obsession. And to Benny, it was something he had to do. Some of the guys at the gym, seeing he was so committed to training, asked, why not be a bodybuilder? Fighters get hurt, bodybuilders get the girls. All he knew was that he was a warrior. It may be deep inside him, but he knew what he was.
Three months had passed and Baby Leroy, the trainer at the gym said, you’ll be gloving up tomorrow night, I’m out of fighters. Benny was a little intimidated by his last humiliating loss, but reluctantly agreed. He moved across the gym to the powerbag. It was a leather bag hanging from the ceiling by a chain. It was hard as a rock and weighed about 200 pounds. Baby Leroy, Benny yelled across the room. What! Can I do this? This is your domain, the last time I fought, I embarrassed myself and hurt for days. Son, God has a plan for all of us. You are no better or worse than any of us. Tomorrow night you will take all the time and investments I poured into you into the ring. If I didn’t think you were ready, I wouldn’t tell you to glove up. Hit the showers and get some rest, you’re going to need it.
Sleep was illusive that night. He tossed and turned. There wasn’t anyone to talk to about it. His family was in disarray, no one would understand. Benny was the youngest of three boys, they called me kid. To them this fighting stuff was their business, not the runt of the family. He finally began to doze off. As he fell into a deep sleep, he dreamed. He dreamed of being a warrior. Facing the battle as a knight on the battlefield. Covered in armor, sword in hand, rushing up the next hill. With his life on the line, his next move could be his last, every step he took was important, every breath he took meant his life could end. He was sure he was in a battle with other warriors, his dream was vivid and so complete. The colors, sounds, and smell of the bloody field were so real. How, How did he get there, when would this be over? Startled by his oldest brother entering his room and shaking him. Are you ok kid? You were screaming and moving around in your bed so loud I could hear you across the hall. I’m ok. Sorry I woke you. He sank back into a deep sleep.
Benny woke up naturally the next day. Coffee and cereal. Not exactly the breakfast of champions. He looked at the clock, 9:30 am. His fight seemed so far away. He had to check in at the gym at 5:00. Feeling this anxious, how would he fill this day? Having finished breakfast, he pondered the day ahead. Companionship on this journey would be helpful. His family had no idea and he was a loner. He made no real friends at the gym, some even made fun of him for being so quiet. Most stayed away from him because of the seriousness he took with workouts. Baby Leroy always said to take it easy before a fight. He took it easy the first time and found himself on the floor covered in his own blood. He decided to go for a run. Five miles on the street would be a great way to start the day.
Inner city gyms are dirty and dark for the most part. And fight night had one thing that always happened. Gamblers. The amount of cash being bet was amazing to Benny. Two men get into the ring, everyone gets a good look at them, most are there every week and know who the fighters are, their records, previous fights, and their style of fighting. Benny walked the aisle to the ring, grabbed the rope and climbed in. He walked around for a moment waiting to see who his opponent would be. A train of guys and a man in a hooded robe began making a theatrical beeline for the ring. One rope up, one held down, he entered the ring. As he danced around, arms in the air, hood falling off, his worst fears came to life. It was Jabber again. No doubt, here to make a fool of him again. Baby Leroy looked over with the most wise look I had ever seen. “You got this.”
As the fighters met the ref in the center of the ring, Benny listened to his instructions, moved away, the bell rang, and they moved into the middle of the ring. Jabber began with a right hook catching Benny on the chin, he staggered back, caught himself on the ropes, Jabber, sensing the end was near, shot two more punches quickly. Benny knew he was in trouble and pushed Jabber back like he was in a street fight. Shaking his head “no”, he came back at Jabber, left, left, left, right hook, Jabber was rattled. The bell rang. No idea if anyone was saved by the bell, but this was a very different fight than before. This was two warriors, not one warrior and a lost boy. Baby Leroy told Benny while he was in his corner, you had him. The next round, take him out.
The bell rang again, Jabber came in fast, he tried the same combination, Benny stepped back, and then back in, Jabber didn’t know what hit him. He was out, completely out. Benny had never seen a man just drop. It was as if he was an outsider watching a fight. He had beaten their best. As Jabber was helped up, Baby Leroy said, I told you you had this. I will never lie to you son. If I tell you a mouse can pull a wagon, hook him up. Still on a high that only a winner can know, he wanted to shower up and go somewhere to celebrate. But where does a 16 year old loner go? He goes home and hopes his parents don’t see he’s been in a fight, then off to his room. Today was a great day. The warrior child had his first victory. Life has a way of reminding us that not every experience will be a win. And Benny’s life was no different. Loss would always be his faithful companion.
The Professional:
Today was the day. Going pro as they call it. After almost three years of bloodsport and pain. Benny would hold the title of a professional boxer. Oh happy day. He was excited. Now 19 years old, in the shape of his life, and eager to become whatever he was becoming. Having made a name for himself in Golden Gloves, the new Benny was emerging as a pro fighter and that was exciting to him. Pride and a feeling of superiority would not serve him well in the future. But that is a lesson to be learned. There would be many lessons to come. Today was his day. Being licensed by the state to fight professionally. That’s what today was about. Not the future, not the money, not even what people thought. The only thing that mattered was how he felt today. And that was amazing…
Literally across the ring. That is how far he was knocked in his first professional fight. He’d never been hit so hard and so often. His knockout may have been merciful. It was also telling. He stood toe to toe with another professional boxer and lost magnificently. Not how he wanted to begin his historic rise to fame. And certainly not the record he wanted, 0 and 1. What on earth went wrong? Every thought imaginable went through his mind. If he was going to lose, why lose so easily? Why was he not able to even defend himself? Too many why’s and not enough answers. Boxing had so many rules. Was he meant to go back to civilian life, he thought. He was about as down as he’d ever been.
Four years later, as he stepped into the ring again, he was weary. With a record of 8 and 19, he had little to no chance to make it big in boxing. All he could do was stand tall to the guy in front of him. Just another road bump in a less that average boxing career. As they stood staring at one another before the bell rang, Benny wondered, has this guy found winning to be much harder than he’d expected like he had? What is winning really? At the end of the night we will both be in the hospital. If his stay is shorter, did he win? Philosophy is a terrible thing when one is bleeding. And by the end of the fight, they both were.
The Offer:
Gladiator sports… Benny had never heard that phrase before. Yet here he was, standing in front of a guy making him an offer. You hit like a mule kicks. You would be amazing without gloves, refs, and rules. Imagine hearing this after spending the majority of your adult life following rules and the ref’s orders. The day after the fight, a very suspicious man showed up at my door. How would you like to make some real money? Really? I make money now, Benny thought to himself. The stranger looked at him with very confident eyes. He knew what he wanted to say before he said it. Boxers like you flame out quickly. You were good enough to go pro, but not good enough to beat a lot of other professional boxers. It happens more often than not. Benny was intrigued, so he agreed to meet him in the morning at a local coffee shop for a serious conversation.
Benny woke up late. It seems injuries drain the life out of the body and sleep is something the body requires to move on. He noticed the time and dragged himself out of bed and began to move with purpose. They say time waits for no one, and the opportunity this guy was talking about came once in a lifetime. Maybe never in a lifetime. The money he said he would make per fight, should he qualify, was more than he’d ever hoped for as a boxer. It was life altering money. Fame? He never mentioned that… He’d find out why in the future.
He was kind of a weasel. His name was Jimmy, there was something very sleazy about Jimmy, but he spoke of a future in fighting that Benny knew he did not have in boxing. He was funny, but he knew he was there just following orders. Who gave him those orders, he had no idea. How would you like to make the big bucks? $10k per night. Looking back, Benny wished he had asked about the “per night” thing. He only knew per fight. That would be huge in his life. He asked for details. You will have to be trained, but we think you will be perfect. Intrigued, Benny said yes. The offer was just too good given the direction his boxing career was heading.
Training Day:
Benny showed up expecting trainers. What he found was Jimmy and another guy. Training will be intense, they said. You will go through several stages of training. The first will be with a master. Benny was asked to follow them. Three hours later, he was in the parking lot of a very seedy looking hotel. It was horrible. A clarifying picture of things to come. They entered an ally. There was a door that was very dark, They entered it and there it was. A dojo like none Benny had seen before. This would be his home for several months. He wasn’t excited about it, but he needed a career change and this held promise. That day was a turning point in his life and up till then was the most significant day yet.
Push, push, push. The training was brutal. It pushed Benny’s human limits. Strength training, endurance racing, diet, carbing up. They had found ways of adding weight to his body and dissolving fat. Injections and more injections, 1000 pushups before bed, he was becoming something unfamiliar. But it felt great. He could run, I mean run, forever, up and down streets too. He could strike a power bag so hard that the sound echoed all across the gym. He felt amazing, and felt so strong, he felt like a god. He was becoming invincible.
The Farm:
Four months of the most brutal yet amazing training he had ever had. He was becoming something he didn't know he could be. He was awakened at 4:00 AM. Get up, we are moving. The hole in the wall Benny called home was both a dump and had become home to him. It seemed disgusting when he arrived but he made it work. The drive was long, Jimmy had very little to say, he was usually talkative to the point of bothering him. So where is my new home? They call it The Farm. That sounded like a needed break to Benny, the inner city has its own charm, but hearing a rooster in the morning sounds great too. They drove for several hours, only stopping every little while for bathroom breaks. We were in the country now and it was beautiful. The air smelled so clean. On these country roads Benny began to imagine what this farm would be like. Nothing could have prepared me for the truth.
Anatomy 101:
The main house was big and beautiful. Off to the right was a huge barn with a small cabin beside it. They pulled up at the cabin, Benny grabbed the few items that belonged to him and took them in. Welcome home! He turned and there was a very large man in gym shorts on the porch standing at the door. No time to unpack, orientation is in ten minutes. Benny learned early on in this adventure to just go along, ask few questions, and do what he needed to to prepare him for what needed to be done. He walked over to the barn. It really was huge. Made of metal, red with a large sliding door to walk through. As he walked in, he was impressed by how neat it was kept. It had different sections for different uses. To the right was the ring, he supposed he could box there. To the left were rooms. Rooms without ceilings, the ceiling on the barn was very high, maybe 40 feet, they built these rooms to make him feel he was in classrooms, or that was the only thing he could think of.
They walked into the first room, there was a thin pale guy in a lab coat. Benny, this is Doc. He will be spending the next month or so with you. They shook hands. Doc’s hands were soft and weak, Benny’s had become large and muscular. He winced when he tried to give him a firm handshake. Benny realized he had changed to the point that he needed to keep his hand strength in check. Time for your first class Benny. Let’s learn something, he replied. For the next month we will be studying human anatomy. More importantly, how to destroy it. Benny smiled and said, well alrighty then. Classes were 5 hours a day, seven days a week. Physical training was even harder at the farm. Benny sparred with guys that were not his equal. There were moments when he felt he had no equal. His confidence was higher than ever. He was being taught the science of devastating other human beings. It fascinated him.
Well, They Called it a Farm:
Noticing no crops or animals, Benny was left to wonder why they named this, The Farm. They say curiosity killed the cat. He was about to find out why. After a month he was in the best shape of his life. He knew he was becoming something amazing and maybe a little scary, He knew he was being prepared for something amazing too. He followed Doc to another room, it was new to him. They walked in, it was cold and dark, it was refrigerated and had a ceiling. He flipped the lights on. Ten dead bodies lay on their own tables. The Farm was a body farm. And in retrospect, he was the cash crop. Himself and others like him. He’d find out later, there were very few. Today we will learn how to maximize damage to real humans. If he had not come so far, he’d leave right now. Looking back, this also desensitized him and taught him how to bring pain, lots of pain. They had to prepare his body to hurt other peoples bodies. They were definitely on track. Bone breaking, mastoid strikes, liver strikes, anything that could win a fight was what he learned. It was brute force meeting science. He had to admit, it felt great.
Fight Day:
They drove for over 12 hours. It was beautiful. They were in Connecticut, he thought. The state signs were a blur. What day is this Jimmy? Friday, we’ll be staying in a nice hotel tonight, you’ll love it. It was all that. This was the finest hotel Benny had ever seen. Benny had his own room, Jimmy said to enjoy it. Tomorrow night is your first fight. Benny still had no idea the type of fighting or the person he’d fight. He knew one thing. He would not want to be that guy. Benny felt like Superman. And that is who his opponent would be fighting. He actually couldn’t wait.
The Contestants:
The warehouse they were holding this fight in was large and in town. Benny was in an office inside of the warehouse. Put this on, Jimmy said. It was a baggy tee shirt. There was no ring, he was puzzled how they were going to have a fight without one. As he sat in a chair, it was a business chair behind a desk actually. Benny asked Jimmy who he would be fighting tonight. Just a few locals. A few? Jimmy, I am unsure I can take on a “few” guys at once, he said. Relax, you fight one at a time. Your job is to make it look close each time before you put them down. Make it look good. Benny knew what that meant. This entire journey had always been on the job training. As he walked out of the room he noticed the energy first, then the gambling, everyone made a human circle and he was walking towards the center of it. The names of the men they threw at him that night meant nothing to him. In all, one at a time, seven men entered the circle to fight Benny. Seven men were carried out. The hardest part of the night was making it look close, and not slipping on all the blood. He had become superhuman.
Payday:
They stayed an extra day at the hotel. Benny had to admit, it was a welcome break. He woke up and called Jimmy’s room. Let’s do something today Jimmy. Sounds great, I’ll be over in 30 minutes or so. Jimmy and Benny had never spent any time together other than work. Their drives were quiet. He never seemed to want to be there. They took a taxi to the city, it was refreshing. Choosing a cafe with outdoor seating, they relaxed. Jimmy handed him a check. It was made out to a company, B Power Inc. It was for $10,000.00. What’s this and who is B Power Inc? That’s what you made last night and B Power is a company they set up for you. Tomorrow I’ll take you to open a bank account. He’d never seen so many zeros. Growing up in the inner city in abstract poverty, this was shocking. We will be moving to Atlanta Georgia this week. Why Atlanta? Why not was all he got from Jimmy. Let’s get going.
Atlanta Georgia:
Growing up in Kentucky, made the North Georgia mountains look amazing. He’d never seen such green mountains. They were majestic in a way. Beautiful and clean. He pictured living in a cabin on a mountain top overlooking a river or lake. Maybe one day… They drove through Kennesaw Georgia and headed west, Kennesaw was a quaint little town north of Atlanta. The fact they have a law requiring every citizen to own a gun intrigued Benny. The south. A bastion of civil war history and beautiful small towns everywhere. Down a country road again. Where are we going Jimmy? Home, our home. He’d be sharing a home with Jimmy. He did not see that coming. Another farm. Horses, goats, ducks, and chickens, he loved it. The house was nice. He counted 4 bedrooms as he walked through it. Two masters, one was mine. I hope I’m here a while, Benny said in a cheerful voice.
The Life of a Gladiator:
Over the next few days, Jimmy and Benny were becoming friends. One night they decided to grill some steaks and have a few beers. Dinner on the back deck watching the horses play together was wonderful. How did I get to this place Jimmy? What have I walked into? You were chosen. You have a high IQ, hard to find in the boxing game. You pushed yourself physically. My job is to spot guys like you. Then manage them. What have you walked into? A machine, and you are a small cog in a huge wheel. They run a gambling machine. You my friend are a gladiator for the machine. You’re a ringer. What we call, a “fightist”. From what I can tell, we have 6 to 10 people like you at any given time. Your first fight made them over $19 million dollars. You received ten thousand, I get a little less. Every place you’ve been, including this place, belongs to them. They promote the fights to very wealthy people, some as far away as Dubai and Saudi Arabia. Some fights take in over $100 million dollars. They created you to win every fight, but make you wear a baggy tee shirt to make it look like you're not “all that”.
Every Two Weeks:
Benny’s employers had an interesting business model. He remained curious as he studied it. He trained everyday, He knew no other life now. Training was a habit, routine is his constant companion. His mind worked differently than most. He’d find out years later why. Today was a travel day. Where are we off to? Jimmy smiled and said, New Orleans. You’ll love it. Benny had healed up nicely from his last fight, he felt great. Honestly, looking back, he always felt great. It’s been about two weeks Jimmy. Is that going to be a thing? Every other Saturday night we fight. Some are bigger than others. This fight will be a big one. We are hosting some very wealthy people from the other side of the planet. Should be fun. Benny smiled. For whom will this be fun for? Jimmy laughed and said, you on payday. Remember to save your money. Shelf life in this business is brief.
Shelf Life:
Two years. They told Benny, that was longer than most made it as a gladiator. What does a warrior do when there are no more wars to fight, no battle to be won or lost? No contests to stand up to? He had money, he had a great mind and an amiable personality. He moved back to Kentucky and bought a small home on some land. Privacy mattered to him. His home sat far enough from the country road it was on that people didn’t notice he was there. He trained outside most days. Chopping wood for hours. His mind would drift to business. He decided he should open a business of some kind. The search for his passion was on. History, training, and art were what he found gave him energy. Art and history would be his chosen career. He began going to antique auctions in the mountains. He started storing the gems he bought and looking for where to market them and how.
Atlanta Calls Him:
Atlanta never left Benny’s heart and mind. After a lot of preparation and study, he settled on Atlanta again. He took a trip down south and began visiting areas that would make not only a great home, but a place that would be good for an antique and art store. Most days were spent just visiting these lovely little towns. He combed through ads daily until the print became blurry. He wanted to find a place that would not only be a great spot for retail, but would also have some history to it. The search was daily and obsessive. He knew when I saw it, he’d know.
Madison Georgia:
Morning coffee and a real estate magazine. This had become his reality of late. As he looked through the colorful ads and hoped something would catch his eye, there it was. A house in Madison Georgia. It looked perfect. Built in 1886, it was everything he’d been looking for. He called the agent immediately. It was a typical sunny day in the south, it was Spring, everything was blooming, He arrived in Madison anticipating something good was happening today. He drove through the prettiest little town he’d ever seen. Madison was a wealthy small town, south east of Atlanta. Founded by James Madison before he became our president. Antebellum homes were everywhere. And he was going to be looking at one of them. He pulled up to the house. Wow! That was the only word he could say at the moment.
Home:
The agent was filling him in on the history of this house. Her words fell on deaf ears. Benny was lost in the old architecture, the gingerbread on the three sided front porch. He was home. He was also going to have his business here. He would live upstairs and have his antiques and art downstairs. When can I move in? Well, we have to see when we can close. I’m writing a check. I’ll be ready to move tomorrow. Happy but confused, she said, let me see what I can arrange, her smile never left her face. In three weeks Benny was open for business. Marketing came naturally for him. Business began booming. You would think he’d be happy. He missed being a warrior. But that life was behind him. What to do now?
Benny Sees Bad Guys:
Benny had a BMW that he’d bought when he first retired from fighting. He ran an ad in a local publication. He received a call from a man who wanted to come and buy it. The car was over $20,000.00 and he wanted to pay cash. Of course I’ll accept cash, Benny answered. Why not? He came with his tribe. Africa somewhere was where his accent came from. He paid Benny for the car and left. A week later he received a call from a federal agent about the BMW. The car had been involved in a plot to scam a bank in Michigan for millions. The only thing the agent had to identify anyone was that Benny’s card was inside the glove box of his old car. It was a real estate deal that involved money laundering. Benny was instantly fascinated. The agent said he’d be in town soon and wanted to see Benny while he was there. He was intrigued. He began investigating this Stranger who bought his car. Turned out, it was a skill he had. And a passion.
Another Beginning:
Benny dug in, he began looking into everything about the guy that bought his car. He had about an hour long conversation. He was relaxed with him, like most are. He remembered every word. One thing he remembered was the area he lived in Atlanta and a bar he and his friends frequented. He went online and studied surveillance techniques. Figuring they were night owls, He watched. The next night was the payoff. There he was, with all his tribe in tow. It was a little after 2:00 am, they came out and headed home. Benny followed from a distance. They pulled into a townhome complex. He hung back, waited a few minutes and drove in. He knew they were here somewhere and only had to find the van they were in. There it was in the driveway. He went by, took a snapshot of the tag and wrote down the address. He had created an entire file on his foreign friends. Where they went during the day, places they liked to eat, their lives in a nutshell. It was exciting and fun for him.
The Offer:
The agent finally arrived in town and called. Can you meet me today? Of course. Benny gave him the address of a restaurant in downtown Madison with outdoor seating. They met at 1:00 pm. Sitting at a table outside, the sidewalk was made of brick. Quaint and something Benny particularly enjoyed. They shook hands and went right at his case. He said he needed to find out who this man was, he has hurt so many over the last 24 months. Benny handed him the file he compiled on them. Have you ever been a cop? No, just have a knack for finding people. I enjoyed it, he said. Three nights later they raided the townhome and took down what turned out to be a bank fraud network. Benny was pleased to get a bad guy off the street. He thought that was the end of it till a couple weeks later he received a call from a man he would forever know, as Rocky. I represent the American government and would like to buy your lunch. Benny had no idea how his life would change after that day.
Meeting The Handler:
Rocky was Italian and funny. Too much energy, but very likable. Looking back, he was a recruiter. I represent federal law enforcement. I’d like to know if you would consider working with us from time to time? I looked your tax records up, I know you do not need the money. It’s cash and we are generous. You are right. I am ok financially, Benny answered. But before I accept or reject your offer, what would I be doing? Investigations, building cases, making arrests. Pretty simple really. Benny’s imagination was piqued. I think I would like that, he said. We’ll set you up with everything you will need. I’ll call you soon. Wait. What agency do you work for? He smiled that broad smile, “all of them”. Again, Benny was intrigued. He really looked forward to his call.
My First Case:
Two weeks later Rocky called. Meet us at FBI headquarters, ask for Rocky at the front desk. He already had their address. It was north of Atlanta. Benny was uneasy, but excited to see a new chapter opening in his life. The antique business was great, art moved him, but something was missing. Maybe it was taking risks, maybe it was excitement. Or perhaps he’s just addicted to fear. The idea of doing something that might end in him dying was invigorating. The idea of thinking that confused him a little. Am I normal, he asked? The jury was still out on that one. All he knew was he had something exciting to look forward to and nothing was going to stop him from doing it.
Agent In Charge:
Rocky introduced him to Senior Field Agent Michaels. I’ve been assigned this case, I’ll be the agent in charge. I will be the agent you work with. You will not work with anyone but me. Rocky cannot know anything about my case. With that, Rocky excused himself. It was just the agent and Benny. The case was about an elusive con man named John. He left a trail of victims for over 10 years. He’d never been caught, he was good at taking things that weren’t his. He briefed Benny and handed him a copy of his file. Benny suddenly found himself so thankful for his two employees. He could take a case any time and they had his back. People like that are so hard to find. The case was impossible for the FBI to end because this guy moved every two weeks. He had two armed bodyguards, so it really made Benny’s head tingle with excitement. Time to dig in.
The Take Down And Arrest:
His first case took him 45 days. It turns out, that would be the longest one he’d have for the next twenty years. He set up a sting and he fell for it. He made the arrest himself at Aaron Rents in Buckhead, near downtown Atlanta. It will forever be burned into his memory. He thought the federal Marshals were meeting him there. They were stuck in traffic, it was on him to bring this to a conclusion. He walked into the store, it’s him, he told the two employees that Benny had prepared earlier. He began moving towards the door. Benny stepped in front of the door and locked it before he could leave. He pulled his weapon and ordered him on the floor. He had no cuffs, he yelled at the guy behind the counter to throw him a roll of tape. He taped his hands behind his back and took him to the back room. He stood him up by the back door. He began asking questions about where his gang was and the address of their operation. He just said, “I want an attorney”, and smirked. Benny grabbed his throat pinning him against the wall. Do you think I’m a cop *&X$#@, his eyes looked as big as dinner plates. He saw fear like he’d never seen before that day. He gave Benny the information. He would have told him anything really. He gave up his entire crew out of fear. He was now a rat. The marshals arrived minutes later and were amused to see a broken man sitting in a chair with his hands taped behind his back. Benny was surprised to learn he only served 3 years.
She Touched Me:
Benny was minding his store one day and in walked a girl. She was a vision. She began looking around, if you don’t find anything you want just ask, smiled Benny. There is more in the back. I’m Pam, she stuck her hand out, Benny, or Benjamin, if you were family. She bought a couple of small pieces and left. She also took a piece of his heart with her. That had never happened before. Their conversation sat directly into his heart. Women buy antiques all the time. Benny met so many of them and didn't feel a thing. This girl got his attention the second she walked into his shop. His hope was that she saw something else here she liked. He busied himself the rest of the day, but Pam stayed on his mind the rest of that evening.
He woke up before the sun the next morning. Something he felt was residual effects of his years of training. He still worked out. The intensity wasn’t the same. His friends considered me freakishly in shape. For him, he knew what being in shape was. He remembered, he always remembered how strong he became. And being able to run all day and never tire. He remembered when no other man had a chance against him. His confidence had not waned in the least. He was still becoming something. His entire life had felt like preparation for something. What? That remains to be seen.
Hunting Humans:
Rocky kept him busy. His spare time did not exist. His skill set seemed to be hunting. Bounty hunting for the feds. He doubted anyone saw that coming. I know Benny didn't. Hunting became a way of life for him. It served up the excitement he needed and locking up bad guys couldn’t be a bad thing. He spent most weekends hunting. The FBI gave him access to all of their databases. Had he wanted to do domestic work, that would have been a handy tool. But chasing wayward spouses seemed repulsive to him. Not needing the money helped make decisions about what he spent his time doing easier. His antique and art business was growing and he had plenty of time to pursue other passions.
Expert Witness:
Rocky called last night. Calling at night was odd for him. He always felt he was put on his agenda most days and he was at the top of his call list. Benny usually heard from him before 6:00 am. I want to introduce you to someone in the morning, Rocky stated. So that morning, Benny stood at the federal building in Macon Georgia. Hello Benny, Rocky called and apologized, he won’t be joining us. In Benny’s mind, everything happens for a reason. Rocky was an operative. If he wasn’t here, it was because being here would hurt the outcome of the op. The man who greeted Benny was a federal prosecutor. He needed help with a money laundering case. He led Benny into his office and handed him a case file. As he read through it he saw an easy case in his opinion. Why do you need me? This case is a no brainer. He sat back in his chair and looked at Benny. I’ve had him here before. I had a first hand witness just like I do now. In that case, my witness died before trial. I have another first hand witness this time too. They do not know his identity. I’m asking you to be him. I need someone who can stay alive till this guy is behind bars. Rocky said you might be perfect for this. Benny’s new friend was asking him to follow a script on the stand. Lie under oath. You will be Ben Stone while the trial goes on. Benny smiled, I’m in. The trial begins next week. Here’s your script. Rocky wasn’t here so that there would be no witness to him asking me to lie under oath.
The Trial:
The following week came quickly. Benny arrived at the courthouse prepared for his role as an expert witness. As the proceedings began, he studied the courtroom and everyone in it. People interested him. He guessed that everyone says that, but his fascination with them is borderline obsessive. He wanted to know about everyone he met. The defendant looked very sociable. Like a nice guy. Unlike the jury, Benny had an opportunity to browse his file. He was a dangerous man and capable of great evil. They wrapped up the first day, Benny was told he did a great job. Evidently it was good enough to cause his defense attorney to ask for a plea deal. The first day was the last. They wrapped up. The guy received a sentence of 6 years in the federal penitentiary. There would be more courts, more scripts, more bad guys seeing Ben Stone on the stand. Benny would remember every last one of them.
She’s Back:
Minding the store that day was boring. He was alone most of the day, few customers, and very little to do. He toyed with the idea of closing early. At that moment he heard the ding of the bell on the front door. Pam, hello, you came back. Yes I did. I was in the area and thought I’d see if anything interesting came in. I went to an auction in Tennessee last week. I picked up a few paintings you may like, come this way. As they walked towards the back of the store she asked, is there a good place to eat in town? Yes, several. A few are stand alone restaurants, owned by locals. That’s the best kind, she said. It’s after 5, what time do you eat? Pam, I was just thinking of closing early and going to dinner. How about I show you around my beautiful town? I’d love that, she said with a grin. Closing up quickly, they jumped in his truck and headed out for a night he would remember the rest of his life.
Love Happens:
Pam and Benny saw one another every chance they could. He’d never been in love before. This was new territory for him, did he know how to love? Would she love him back? Days, weeks, months, they turned into years. They loved one another. Marriage was the inevitable end to this journey. The end. They were married at her home. A small wedding and a wonderful honeymoon. They decided on Charleston South Carolina for five days. It was one of the happiest times of their lives. He was so in love. He knew she would be his soulmate forever. Love is a powerful thing, many never find it. He felt he was the luckiest man alive. Other moments to be thankful for were on the way. He had just begun his most interesting adventure.
Having My Baby:
Three years passed like three weeks, business was booming, they had grown so much as a couple. Benny didn’t know he could be so happy or love so much as today. It was so busy at work and his bride had asked him to come home early. Dinner at home and a movie, cuddling with his girl. Who wouldn’t want to come home early for that? The drive home seemed long that day, they had been talking about selling the house and moving closer to his store. It’s a conversation that is getting ready to move to the front of the line. He pulled into the garage and walked in, Pam had a way of always having something awesome cooking, the smell is always wonderful. She made their house a home…
Thank you for dinner baby, thank you she said. I have news she said with excitement. What’s the news sweetie? I'm pregnant! Not even for a nanosecond did he think about it. That’s awesome Pam. They had been trying to have a baby for over a year. His previous life led to injuries to his baby making parts and we were having difficulties conceiving. This was amazing news for their family. He was on another adventure, but this time he had a partner in crime. The love of his life will take this one with him. Happiness was magnified that night.
Family Matters:
Her name is Madison Elizabeth, they will call her Madi. She is the most beautiful person he had ever seen. This might be the best day of his life. This was the most impressive achievement in his life. Did he really achieve something here? Ha, who cares, he was so happy. This little girl would be his life, the reason he did anything important, she will be one of his main purposes in life. He was a father now. He had a great dad. He only hoped he could be as good as he was. He remembered that he couldn’t wait to call him and give him the news. Everything changed in their lives when Madi arrived, everything.
Changes:
He came home from work, Madi heard him and made a beeline for daddy, it was the happiest moment of the day for Benny, everyday. She was two now and was their world. Benny, we need to talk… Pam had a beautiful heart and those words never rattled him. What is it baby? How would you feel about going to church? I hadn’t thought much about it, he said, but sure. Raising Madi in church seemed like a great idea. Any thoughts on a church babe? We received this flyer yesterday. Rock Falls Church, it’s just two miles from us and it’s a contemporary style church. I’m in baby. Find out what time we should be there and we’ll go. 11:00 am sweets. Casual dress. Benny couldn’t wait.
Changes were coming. Many. Benny embraced positive change, he always had. Their lives had a cadence to them. They were a family that went to church regularly, They were active in their community, and they took a mini vacation every month. Life was good. It couldn’t get better than this.
It Gets Better Than This:
Benny will never forget the day he walked in the door and Pam had a frightened look on her face. Baby, are you ok? Is something wrong? I have something to tell you and how you feel about it will decide if something is wrong. Pam, spill it. You can always say anything to me, you know that. I’m pregnant, she blurted out. Benny was fired up, he wanted another child, this was perfect. He would be his last child. She saw the excitement in his eyes, she smiled and said, I knew you would be happy. Like he says all the time, changes are coming and these kinds of changes were amazing.
Life In Motion:
Ben Jr came on the scene and gave them another love of their lives. He was amazing. As the years flew by, they found that he was so smart. He just figured things out. His mind worked like Benny’s and he looked like a mini Benny. Scouting would become a big part of the family. Madi would grow up and become a Gold Scout, Ben would achieve his Eagle Scout award. They raised two wonderful humans. Two responsible, smart, active people. They didn’t raise children, they raised adults. Pam and Benny did well by them.
Trouble Brewing:
They enjoyed a great lifestyle. Benny had become comfortable with others running his store, it had grown to the point that he was looking for a second location. Years ago he converted the part of his home he lived in, into an upper showroom, Ebay, and online sales rose every year. Crazy growth and it seemed the music would never end. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. He just never thought theirs would. Times they were changing. Not good change, the bad kind. After an assessment and some forensic accounting, Benny was done. His employees became addicted to meth and stole everything he had. In the end they lost everything. Their homes, properties, and social standing. Most will understand that last one. The only thing left to do was to file for bankruptcy relief. They were left with nothing. They had to move into a rental house, everything had changed. They were changing. Their relationship was changing. She looked at him differently.
Moving On:
It was over. Every dream, every great night, event, vacation, and anniversary. They were done. He just couldn’t make a comeback. Making a living always came easy for him in the past. Today, he wasn’t capable. Today he was alone. Pam had to go back to work, she worked three jobs. She barely got by. Benny rented a bedroom in a stranger's home. And even then, he barely made it. He was miserable. What does a man do that no longer has a clue what to do next. He could barely make enough to eat. He began shrinking his life so that he owed less. He became a minimalist. Still, he was broken and broke. He needed to make a living. He’d tried everything. He applied for many jobs before his marriage fell apart. None wanted a has been or a used to be broken man. A man who use to be something. He was a shell of that man. How could he go from where he was to where he is? The solution doesn’t manifest itself. Every day is Groundhog Day, all the same.
The Past Is The Future Again:
Benny woke up early and headed to a nearby lake. He needed to make a decision, it could be the most important of his life. Money was gone and none was coming in at any future date. He was looking at being homeless. The thought was awful. The only asset he had was his old truck. Would that now be his home? He met a guy that knew his history, he gave him a number of a guy, a biker. There was a fight club that was involved in gambling. It was run by a biker club. Underground, illegal fighting. It had been many years. Could he still survive in the ring? He made the call. The man on the other end of the phone said he’d meet with him. The first fight is free my man. That will be your resume. If you can fight, you’ll get $1000.00 per fight if you are good. He gave Benny a place and time. No phones or recording devices. Benny already knew that.
Out Of Retirement:
Saturday night, a warehouse, and a bunch of drunks. Benny showed up and checked in. Tonight would be free and tonight will tell him if I still had what it took. Uncertainty had never been his companion before. But there he was, big grin and all. A guy knocked on the door. You’re up. Benny came out and walked towards the circle of people. His opponent was already there and waiting. He was a bit bigger and a lot younger than him. Benny was just a middle aged man in a young man's game. He began to taunt Benny. For some reason him telling Benny what he was going to do to him made Benny smile. He could not stop smiling. Ding! They moved towards one another, he swung a right at Benny, he stepped back, he hit nothing. He was angry and losing control. Benny used an old trick, he kicked forward into the front of his hip, predictably, he grabbed Benny’s leg, Benny pulled his leg in and struck his mastoid with a hard right. He was asleep. I still have it, Benny thought to himself. It felt like old times.
Becoming Thunder:
The fight game was going well. Benny was slower and older, so he got hurt, but he continued winning. He won easily, although he was slower, the science remained the same. The money was good. $1000.00 every Saturday night in cash. He could live well on that. It wasn’t a permanent solution. But money to live indoors and eating every day was the goal at the moment. Because the fights were illegal, no one used their real names. They use nicknames and the biker in charge picked them. Benny’s handle was, Thunder. This because he was slow but powerful. All thunder no lightning. Benny liked it and thought it was an honest handle. He won every fight. It didn’t take long to go through their best and beat them all. Gambling on Thunder’s fights began to change. Instead of betting on Benny or the other guy, they bet on how long the fight would last before his opponent was out. The music wasn’t great this time, but he didn’t want it to end anytime soon.
The Event:
It was a beautiful Saturday. Benny visited a gym in Atlanta. It was inner city and seedy. But he liked it. He always felt it gave him an edge. He had a light workout that day because it was fight night. He showered, packed up and headed outside. He had to park a block away on the street. Walking through gang territory was never a good idea. A handgun doesn’t care how much you trained. He was walking down the street past an ally. Motions made him look. There were 7 guys kicking what looked like a couple of cops. Benny approached, the officers were hurt badly and they weren’t stopping. Benny was running now, He made to the guy holding a gun kicking the male officer, Benny hit him hard, he fired a shot that sunk into Benny’s right thigh. He stepped back and instantly threw a left hook and what might have been the hardest right uppercut he ever delivered. He hit the ground and his gun slid towards the others. Another guy was picking it up so Benny moved as quickly as he could towards him to take him out, he fired a shot into his stomach, it burned but he knew he had to move. He shattered his face, he was out, then Benny methodically began taking out the ones that didn’t run. The gang on the ground and Benny getting foggy.
He grabbed the female officer and threw her over his shoulder and dragged the male officer at the same time. He leaned him against the front tire of their cruiser and laid her on the hood. She was waking up. Benny asked if she could hear him, yes I can she said. He placed the gun in her hand and told her to radio for help. He could barely stand or even lean. I’m done sweetie, he said. Protect yourself. Benny remembered nothing after that.
Almost… :
Waking up in the hospital dazed and confused. His first words. Are the officers ok? The nurse was startled. You’re awake! It turns out he was in a coma for over a week. No one expected him to survive. He felt so weak. His room was full of cards, balloons and well wishes of all types. The doctor came in and asked how he felt. Lost, that was all he could think of to say. How am I doc? Well, I’ll know more in a couple of days. Benny wasn’t patient at all. And he was ready to go home. The next two days dragged on. He waited but was ready to go home. He had to get out of here. He almost died, but he was asleep the whole time. Processing was needed, but he will do that alone. He heals quicker than most. Maybe it’s the steroids he still takes, maybe it’s genetics. Maybe it’s both.
Another week in the hospital was brutal. He hates hospitals and he likes to do for himself. When the doc came in and asked if there was anyone home to take care of him, I’ll be home and will take care of myself, was all he could say. His doctor stared at him for a long minute. Ok, you will be out of here shortly. But your life has changed. I’ll let you figure out how on your own.
My Story:
Youtube is an amazing thing. It turns out a couple of people watched Benny fighting and getting shot twice. They filmed it on their phones and it went viral. He was now, internet famous and a lot of people now knew Benny. They didn’t know the whole story. Calls flooded in. Everyone wanted to interview him. Before he did anything, he had to process what had happened to him. People inhibit that process. Days went by and thoughts of what really happened. He found himself talking with God. He began praying again, he was a prayer warrior back in the day. God did something here. He had to know what. His processing took a turn.
God’s Preparation:
Prayer. It’s a direct connection with God. Seeking Him is seeking His purpose for your life. Benny’s purpose was to be prepared to save those officers. He’ll probably never know why. God really does work in unusual ways. Looking back on his life, he could see how He prepared him for that day.
He prepared him for this.
Benny’s Recap:
He had me train as a boxer as a 16 year old lost kid. He instilled the tenacity that even after being shot I kept going.
He made me fearless when He sent me traveling the nation fighting strangers in strange places.
He made me fierce by having me make myself feel invincible.
He taught me to love by giving me Pam and my kids.
He taught me how unimportant I am by breaking me financially.
He taught me to value others by allowing me to unconditionally love my family.
He reminded me I was a warrior by allowing me to fight and win again.
He prepared my heart to give my life away when I lost my family.
Benny wrote; I had my story. It was the story God wrote for me. It was God preparing me for His use. This was my story and this story will be told. Of all the offers for an interview. My old pastor called to check on me. After I told him my story he was quiet for a moment. Would you consider telling your story on Sunday at Rock Falls? That wasn’t what I expected. If God is in this then where I grew with God seemed a good choice. Yes, I’ll be there.
Restoration:
Walking into Rock Falls Church seemed like old times. I hadn’t been here in years. It was by all definitions, a mega church. But very personal. They did it right. People didn’t get lost here. I went straight to Pastor Dan’s office. It was so good to see him again. You ready for this Benny? As ready as I'll ever be. The music ended and Dan walked on stage. He spoke for a moment and said, I have a very special guest today. Some of you will remember him, most of you have seen a video of him saving two Atlanta police officers. The sound level rose. Give a warm welcome to Benny. The entire church stood and clapped. I stood watching them. How humbling it was. Dan and I sat on stools and he asked me questions. My story of how God prepared me for that one moment. How decades of preparation prepared me for less than one minute of use. How I prepared even through loss. Especially the loss of my family.
Pastor Dan began talking about God’s timing and God’s redeeming love. He then looked at me and asked the big question. How can I pray for you? Dan, I wasn’t expecting this question. He’d never really thought about it. What does his heart want? I lost my wife and I lost my kids. Benny began crying, hardly able to talk at all. God please restore my life. He fell to his knees. Dan knelt with me, the church was so quiet.
Daddy…
Benny turned to see my Madi standing to his left
His son Ben, his Eagle Scout stood beside her
You could hear a pin drop
Pam stood up. Through her tears she spoke. We love you Benny, come home…
Pastor Dan motioned for my family to make their way to the stage. They came up and all we all could do was cry and hold one another.
Benny looked at Dan and said I’m sorry to take so much time.
He was gracious.
If all we do today is watch you guys love on each other, it was a good day at church.
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This is a story of God’s unconditional love. How He uses our actions, even our mistakes to prepare us for our purpose He has for us. This is also the story of how He restores us out of the love He feels for us.
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“Red Thread” - Jokamu AU [1]
The Jokamu AU game is strong on this site, so I wanted to toss my hat into the ring. I’ve been working on this project for a while, but it’s still not complete. So I thought I’d post a sneak peek here!
It’s very bare bones and needs some major editing, but I hope it can be enjoyed. The final version with multiple chapters will be posted on FF/here for sure.
Legend states that two people connected by the Red Thread if Fate are destined lovers. The gods tie the thread around the little fingers of two people destined to be soulmates. The couple’s love transcends universes and exists regardless of place or time.
The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.
“Kana!” Corrin yelled upstairs to her son, who was supposed to be getting dressed for school. The woman knew she needed to continually prompt her son to hurry and get ready. Truthfully, she knew he was probably still in his pajamas and watching television. Her son was a good boy, albeit easily distracted.
Plus, she had a feeling the boy was still a little blue after their recent move.
Before living in the Valla Metropolitan Area, the mother and son duo had resided in the city of Nohr, where Kana had originally gone to school. Moving to the new municipality met that the boy had basically been uprooted from his home and separated from all his friends and even members of his Nohrian family. Frankly, the young woman couldn’t blame the poor boy for feeling stressed. She was an adult and she was still trying to find ways to cope.
If only the move had been all she’d had to worry about, perhaps it would have been easier to adapt.
The young woman hollered upstairs again, her hand cupping her mouth as she called up the stairs of her modest townhouse. “Hurry downstairs, honey! You’re going to be late for school!”
When no reply came, Corrin walked to the base of the stairs while reluctantly sliding her heels onto her already sore feet. She yelled again, “Kana! By the time I count to three, you better be downstairs!”
Silence answered her call.
“One…”
A muffled reply answered her call. It sounded like an ‘okay!’ She supposed that was promising enough for now. She’d give him a couple minutes before yelling up again.
The young woman sighed and ran a hand through her flaxen hair as she walked to her kitchen and took one last swig of coffee. The woman had barely been awake for an hour and had already emptied two cups. It seemed it was going to be one of those weeks.
She knew being a single mother would have its challenges, but she never imagined how hectic just the simple task of getting out the door in the morning would be.
Corrin had moved to the municipality of Valla about a year ago to accept a position of City Manager. The young woman had grown up with government ties in Nohr, but had moved to the city of Valla after learning of the nepotism and scandals in her hometown. The rumors had spread like wildfire and, although she’d never held a position of power in Nohr, she was quickly resented. She’d been born in the city of Hoshido, and even the legality of her citizenship had been called into question. Hoshido resented her, and it was too risky to remain in Nohr.
As a solution, she’d moved to Valla. It was an awkward city that was close to declaring bankruptcy. Her ultimatum had been to move to the city or face consequences in Nohr. If she could make a life there, perhaps she could give her son the childhood he deserved without having to witness political turmoil.
I have to give Kana a normal life, Corrin thought as she finished her coffee and placed the mug in the sink. He deserves it so much, especially after what he went through with his father…
The woman cringed, shuddering against all the violent memories that threatened to assail her in the moment. Corrin had left Kana’s biological father out of necessity, and had won the battle to take custody of Kana. That didn’t mean memories of her former spouse didn’t haunt her still.
Thankfully, the sound of her son’s footsteps awoke her from her day dream and directed her attention towards the corridor, where he was sitting on the bottom step and slipping on his sneakers. Seconds later, the boy bounced up and ran to his mother’s side, wearing casual clothes and sporting a messy hairstyle. The woman sighed at the sight of her son’s unkempt hair and decided to keep her mouth shut.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Kana said. “Mama, you don’t have to walk me to the station. I can get there by myself. You don’t have to worry about me.”
Any other kid would have made up the excuse to avoid being seen walking with his mother. Coming from Kana, it was a sincere statement.
“Are you excited?” Corrin asked as she reached for her purse and camel-colored coat, slipping it on over her narrow shoulders. “This is your first day of public school, after all.”
“Yep! I don’t have to wear a school uniform anymore,” he said excitedly. Despite his happy tone, she could tell at least part of his enthusiasm was only a façade. “So, um…that’s good.”
“Right,” Corrin replied awkwardly, averting her gaze from her son’s temporarily. A knife of guilt twisted into her heart, but she knew she was doing the right thing.
The young boy also retrieved his jacket from the nearby coat rack and pulled it on more clumsily than he would have liked. Corrin saw him struggl and reached down to help her son put his arms through the bulky sleeves.
“So, pop quiz time,” Corrin said as she kneeled to meet her son’s gaze. “How are you going to get home today?”
“I’ll get on the train and then transfer once to get to the station near the school,” he said with a nod. “When I come home, I can either take the train or the bus. There’s a stop a block away from the school, and I’ll take the bus home if there’s a delay for the train. I have the money for the fare if I need it, my metro card…and…”
The boy pursed his lips as he tried to recall the last item. Finally, he said with a burst of energy, “Oh! I also have that index card with your phone number on it in case I get lost!”
“That’s right,” Corrin said, wagging a finger in front of his face before playfully poking the tip of his nose. “If you get lost, be sure to call me as soon as possible. Just in case, I’ll give you some extra change for a payphone.”
As Corrin dug into her purse for some extra change that she’d otherwise probably use for toll booths, the little boy laughed and put a tiny hand on her elbow to stop her from giving him anymore money. Payphones were so outdated that it would be pointless to take away change she could possible use for more practical things anyway.
“I promise, Mama! I won’t get lost!”
Kana was completely lost.
The little boy had gotten to school without a problem and had found it incredibly easy to make friends. Although the classes at his former school had given him a jumpstart on some of the lessons, he was still baffled by some of the lessons taught by his older teacher. The boy didn’t catch his last name because all of the students simply referred to him by his first name, Gunter, much to the man’s chagrin.
Gunter’s irritation aside, Kana enjoyed his class and had even made friends with a younger girl named Midori. They’d played at recess and she had even volunteered to share her history textbook with him after the boy realized he’d forgotten to pack his after getting dressed. He supposed he got what he deserved after spending the entire morning watching cartoons instead of getting ready for school.
Once classes were dismissed, Kana had bid Midori farewell and set off to the train station. At least, that had been his plan.
The craziness of dismissal combined with the unfamiliar cityscape around the school had disoriented the boy and left him get turned around. Every building looked like the copy of the other. Some shone with a futuristic mirrored aesthetic while others were dull cement lumps anchoring shady street corners. The boy had circled the block a dozen times and hadn’t been able to locate the bus stop, train station or elementary school again.
After almost half an hour of walking through both safe and risky areas of the city, nothing around the boy looked familiar. None of the shops or stores looked like ones he’d passed on his way to school. Any bus stops he found weren’t on the route he needed to take home, and although he knew he could transfer if he had to, the map was so confusing that he didn't feel safe attempting to board.
Still, it was his best chance.
Kana had been holding back nervous tears for a while, but continued to force them back as he tried to navigate the overwhelming map of intertwining colorful pathways in parts of the city he didn’t even know existed.
Less than a minute later, the boy broke down into tears.
“Mama…” he wept, thinking only of how disappointed she would be in him. The boy had no idea that Corrin was already frantic with worry after calling her house and finding nobody home to take the call. She had already abandoned work early and driven to the school to find him, but Kana couldn’t have made it back even if he knew his mother was looking for him.
As he sniffled and tried to wipe his tears with the sleeves of his nylon jacket, he heard the soft ring of a bell a few feet behind him. It sounded like someone was exiting the shop behind the bus stop. Kana turned briskly in an attempt to hide his tears, but the stranger wasn’t fooled.
“Hey kid,” a voice droned lazily. “Um…are you lost? My old man said you can come in and use our phone.”
The blond child turned hesitantly to see the identity of the person who was speaking to him. The stranger was much older than him and appeared to be in high school. His clothes were dark and baggy, and his hair was thick but unkempt.
While Kana was initially put off by his deeply hooded eyes and hunched posture, there was something about the teen that seemed to calm him. Perhaps it was the very small, sincere smile on his face. It wasn’t the expression of someone faking kindness, but rather the smile of someone who was caring and concerned. His mother always looked at him similarly when he cried.
“I…um…” Kana stuttered as he gripped the zipper of his jacket nervously and tugged it back and forth. “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”
The teen laughed and nodded. He said slowly, “That’s good. Your parents taught you well.”
“My mom taught me,” Kana corrected timidly. “I can’t find her.”
The teen nodded sympathetically, feigning ignorance as if he hadn’t already pinpointed the vague source of the boy’s distress.
“Sure,” the teen said. “That’s really scary. I don’t blame you for being upset. I’d be scared too.”
Kana looked at the teen and blinked his eyes slowly. Some of the guilt he felt for getting lost was lifted from his tense shoulders.
“You can come inside the restaurant and use the phone, or we can wait outside and you can call her on my cell phone if that makes you more comfortable. My old man and I just didn’t want you out here and lost by yourself.”
While the neighborhood around them wasn’t specifically unsafe, it certainly wasn’t the place a child should be walking alone.
“The restaurant?” Kana asked quietly.
“Well, that might be a stretch,” the teen said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “It’s more like a café I guess.”
Kana followed the teen’s gesture and looked up to see a coffee shop with a variety of pastries in the window. The café was small and cramped like most places in the city, but the windows were nicely decorated with diamond-cut stained glass. The black, mauve and deep mahogany color scheme managed to make the small restaurant look incredibly classy and well-kept.
The words “Joker’s Patisserie” were written in delicate script on a wooden sign hanging above the door. A small sandwich board also sat near the front door depicting a white rabbit mascot wearing a jester hat. The little creature pointed a cartoonish wand at the drink and dessert specials of the day on the boards.
Kana’s teary eyes popped open to the size of blooming wildflowers. In almost an instant, his sadness was replaced with wonder.
“I wanna use the phone inside!”
If it had been any other occasion, Corrin would have absolutely been terrible at parallel parking.
However, the stakes were high enough that she didn’t overthink the process as she neatly slid between two tightly packed cars a few feet away from the “Joker’s Patisserie” café.
It had only been about half an hour since she’d originally gotten a call on her cell phone from an unrecognized number. The woman instantly felt hope brim up inside her knowing that it wasn’t a work phone call. Only one person had her number; her son.
The call had started with, “Um, hello? My name is Dwyer, and I’m calling to let you know your son Kana is okay. We found him lost outside our restaurant. He says that you might be at work right now, but we stay open pretty late so you can come pick him up as soon as you can. Our address is…”
Corrin wrote down the address, thanked the sleepy-sounding teenager, and shoved her phone right back into her coat pocket before restarting her car’s engine and making a beeline for the café. The trip would have been shorter if she hadn’t had to right city traffic, but it was still better than walking or waiting for a bus. Even if the caller said he was okay, she didn’t want to leave her baby alone in a place with strangers. He’d probably already had a traumatic day and she wanted to rush to his side as soon as possible.
Upon parking the car and setting the brake with a little more force than what was probably needed, she jumped out and ran in her work coat and heels down to the café. She opened the door and instantly ducked inside.
“Kana?”
The inside of the café was decently busy, so her initial call was drowned out by the sounds of customers and the soft sound of bossa nova music coming from over the sound system. The woman looked around and saw two waitresses, one with blue hair and another with pink hair, serving tables and juggling trays of fruity desserts and rainbow-colored drinks.
The interior of the shop was incredibly narrow with a bar on one side and a few tables for seating on the left. She didn’t see her son at any of the booths and looked around for a staff member to talk to. Almost immediately she pinpointed someone behind the counter with long pale hair and neatly pressed clothes. He didn’t look like the sluggish teenager she’d pictured talking to on the phone, but he wasn’t talking to any customers at the moment. She took the opportunity to grab him while he was free and circled the bar to meet him.
“Excuse me,” she said as he turned again to arrange glassware on a shelf behind the bar. “I’m looking for someone.”
The man turned around swiftly to meet her gaze. He certainly didn’t look dangerous or threatening enough to incite suspicion, but he also looked quite older than the individual she had spoken to on the phone. Instead she pursed her lips and said quickly, “I spoke to someone named Dwyer over the phone who said you found my son outside your restaurant. Um...are you...?”
“Oh no,” the man said, his voice heavily accented. Corrin realized immediately the man she was speaking to wasn’t the teen she’d spoken to on the phone. Before she could become panic-stricken, he continued, “You spoke to my son, Dwyer. You’re to pick up Kana, correct?”
“Yes!” she replied breathlessly, hope returning to her eyes. “I did! I would have been here earlier, but the traffic was awful. I’m so sorry, but when I came in, I didn’t see him and…”
The woman realized very quickly that she was babbling in her anxious state and forced herself to calm down as best she could. She continued with more poise, “I’m sorry for not introducing myself. I’m Kana’s mother, Corrin. I work at the Vallite City Hall on the corner of 6th and 25th street.”
“Ah, I see,” the man replied with a smile. “My son is watching him right now in the back. Your boy was a little teary, so we thought it would be better for him to calm down somewhere with less noise and people.”
“Oh, thank you,” Corrin said, practically beside herself with gratefulness. Before she could continue, she heard the sound of a door click open and saw her son standing in the doorway to the café’s back area. His eyes were still a little puffy from crying, but otherwise he looked perfectly fine.
“Mama!” he cried gleefully. The boy bolted so fast across the restaurant that he managed to cross the wide threshold between them in only a few steps. Corrin threw her arms open and pulled him into a tight hug, picking him up and twirling him about. The act caused Kana to squeal with delight. The woman dotted his face with kisses and held him close to her heart, which was still racing from anxiety.
“Kana, I’m so glad you’re oaky,” she said, using her free hand to push down some locks of hair that were standing up after his aerial rendezvous. “I was so worried.”
“I’m sorry,” Kana said, still holding his mom tightly even after she went to place him back on the ground. “I got lost and tried to find my way home. I should have called you sooner.”
“No, it’s my fault,” Corrin said sincerely as she cupped her son’s face. “We should have practiced the route more. We’ll find a way to get you to and from school where you can’t get lost, okay?”
“Okay,” the boy said with a nod. “I’d like that.”
As the mother and son duo reconciled, Dwyer went into the back to grab Kana’s backpack from where they’d waited in the back. The teen walked up silently and placed the bag beside Kana and Corrin, and stepped back just as carefully as if not to disturb them. The man behind the counter gave his son a thankful nod and went back to polishing glasses nonchalantly.
“Thank you so much,” Corrin said again as she reached out to take Kana’s bag and slip it onto his shoulders. “I can’t thank you both enough.”
“It was our pleasure,” Dwyer said with a smothered yawn. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Thank you, Dwyer,” Corrin said. She then turned her attention to the slightly older man behind the counter who had said he was Dwyer’s father. “And thank you too…um…”
“Jakob,” the man replied kindly with a tip of the head. Although his tone was polite, there seemed to be an air of forced disinterest around him now that Kana was safe with his mother. It was as if he was trying way too hard to seem modest. “Please don’t thank me. My son did all the work. I’m just happy he’s okay.”
Kana made a face at Jakob’s indifference. “Mama, Jakob also gave me a lot of tissues and told me about the buses around here so I wouldn’t get lost again.”
Jakob blushed a little bit at the boy’s statement and went back to doing some kind of busy work behind the counter. Even if Jakob didn’t return Corrin’s thankful stare, he certainly noted it.
“That’s not all,” Kana said cheerfully. “Dwyer said he goes to high school right down the block from me! He knows the area really well too.”
“He does?” Corrin asked with a laugh. “What a coincidence. Maybe we’ll have to stop in after school for some snacks soon.”
“Yay!” Kana said, throwing his fists up into the air as she danced around in circles.
“Well, if you both come back, your next order will be on the house,” Jakob replied in response to Kana’s excitement. It seemed that even his cold, semi-introverted nature wasn’t exempt from Kana’s charm. “My son and I run this place, so you’re both always welcome.”
Corrin gave him an appreciative look. Even after all the trouble she must have caused them, they were still kind enough to welcome her back. The woman made a secret promise to come back after her next paycheck and get a sizable order of food from them. They deserved to be thanked somehow, in her mind.
“Thank you, Jakob” Corrin said with a nod as she softly opened the café door. She hadn’t noticed before due to her panicked state, but he was certainly very attractive. While his handsomeness had registered at the time, she certainly didn’t dwell on it.
Now as he returned her grin and watched her exit the café, she thought that perhaps there would be a reason besides sweets and desserts to return to the quirky little café.
With a lovely smile, she replied, “I’ll remember that.”
[To be continued]
Who was Kana’s father, you ask? Whoever you want it to be. I don’t want to scrutinize anyone’s favorite Fates pairings, so Corrin’s former spouse can be anyone you like (or don’t.)
I also imagine here that Kana’s has Corrin’s hair color and Dwyer has Jakob’s.
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Confessions of a Teenage Sugar Queen: The Fall
This is for @zutaraweek Day Four: Icarus. Trigger Warning: hints of abuse
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three
Is it ridiculous that I am now curled up in bed with Zuko’s sweatshirt? I’m not even wearing it, just hugging it. My brain keeps replaying this tantalizing scene—his car windows all fogged up for a much different reason. If only we had been swapping spit instead of sob stories.
Would he think me a desperate fool if I just… kissed him? After confessing about my dead mother, yes… yes, he would.
I wonder what the scar feels like.
What would Mom say? I could use a little advice here. Is it too soon? Yes. Is he even my type? No.
Jet had a tragic backstory. A small voice in the back of my mind says.
But Jet was also an amazing kisser. Says an even smaller voice.
I can’t sleep, so I turn on Netflix. I’m halfway through season six of a dramatic series based on Greek mythology. Because I’m a dork. Coincidentally, the episode is about the goddess of love forming an escort service, of sorts, and is quite graphic in its depictions of the Erotes. I fall asleep thinking about simply kissing Zuko, but one thing leads to another, and then...
I am so embarrassed by my first ever sex dream (of such great detail) that I don’t think I can face him at work the next morning. It’s still raining, so I dread that Yue will assign Hahn and Zuko to the lab again, and I might slip and say boner instead of beaker or pussy dish instead of petri dish. Why am I’m such a mess? I blame Aphrodite and her meddling.
The gods have mercy on me. Zuko doesn’t show up at the center today. But this also worries me. Did he make it home OK in the rain last night? Should I text him? No, he's probably fine. This internal debate continues, and for the second day in a row, I’m terribly distracted at work. It’s only a matter of time before Yue notices.
That night, I snuggle up again with his sweatshirt, trying to calm myself in the storms of uncertainty. The relentless rain, among other things, has chilled me to the core. I’m nearly asleep when Zuko sends me a message, offering me a ride to work tomorrow. The gesture itself sends a jolt through my body, like lightening. Excitement and nerves quickly settle into that warmth I was craving—his comfort. As much as I would love to accept, though, he lives halfway between here and the Marine Center. It would be too far out of his way, so I shouldn’t inconvenience him.
God, I hate riding the bus. Especially in the rain.
But Zuko now says he’s staying with his Uncle.
Why didn’t he mention that before? I’m too tired to consider the reasons. I can just ask him in the morning.
I’m a downpour of nonstop chatter when I get in the car. I guess I do that when I’m nervous. I shouldn’t be since we had such a good talk the other day. But then I literally had a dream about kissing him and… stuff, so…
Once I finally shut up, I realize how quiet he is. He keeps his eyes trained on the road and doesn’t look at me at all. I can respect a careful driver, but something isn’t right.
“Zuko, are you OK?”
“Yeah, just tired.”
His voice is huskier than usual, and there is a dark circle under his right eye. I lean forward so I can catch a glimpse of the other side of his face, but he quickly turns his head away. I try to follow his sudden movement, but the seatbelt locks up on me, so I slump back in my seat.
“How long have you been staying with your Uncle?”
“Since last night.”
“Oh.” This doesn’t make sense, but I can’t figure out the best question to ask next, so we ride the rest of the way in silence.
“I’m just gonna drop you off and head to my next assignment, OK?” he says as he pulls into the Marine Center parking lot. “I can give you a ride home, too, if you want.”
“Sure, that’d be great.” He still won’t look at me, and now I’m worried that I did something wrong.
At the end of the day, Zuko is in Yue’s office, so I sit outside the door to wait for him. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but the walls are thin, and I can hear every word.
“Zuko, are you sure it’s not broken?”
“No, ma’am. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You look terrible.”
“It doesn’t affect my ability to work, so please, can I just—“
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Yue interjects. “It does affect your work when the summer camp counselor calls me and says you’re scaring the children.”
“The kids are always scared of the scar anyway, so it’s not—”
“Zuko, I’m pulling you from education. You can work in the lab with Katara. She’s behind on her reports and could use the help.”
As troubling as the conversation is so far, I'm elated at this news. The extreme distress in Zuko’s voice overshadows any fleeting joy I feel, though.
“But Dr. Arnook, please. My father won’t… I have to…”
“The Marine Science Center appreciates your father’s generous donations. We’ll make sure his patronage is properly recognized.” Yue’s tone has turned to ice.
“OK, but… could you maybe not tell him? That I’ve been reassigned? I just don’t want him to think I failed… again.”
“I will leave that up to you. What you tell your father is your business.”
“Thank you, Dr. Arnook. Thank you so much.”
“But Zuko, if I have any reason to believe that he is the one doing this to you… then I will make it my business. I will report him. I don’t care how much money he makes or how much he gives us, he can’t just—“
“D-d-don’t. It’s not what you think… Please, don’t say anything.”
My heart starts pounding, and I clutch my chest to suppress the rising ache when I finally see his face. His left jaw sports a nasty bruise, and his lower lip is swollen. The scar looks the same, but in that instant, I know. Whoever inflicted these fresh wounds was responsible for that one, too.
I didn’t think it was possible for me to hate someone so much, someone I've never met… and in defense of someone I've only just met, actually. Dad calls me fiercely loyal, so maybe that’s what he means. I joke about wanting to hit Hahn for being so stupid. This… feels different.
How could he do such a thing? And how do I make him pay?
Zuko scowls at me, and I immediately melt into a puddle of worry. He doesn’t want my pity, that much is clear. I’ve seen that look, and I understand that feeling. I do my best to mask my concern, but how do I show him that I care? I want to help.
“I’m sorry you had to wait,” he mumbles.
“It’s OK.”
About halfway through the torturous drive home, I take a chance in breaking the silence. “Hey. Let's go get some sushi. I’m starving. I have a favorite place not far from my house.”
He doesn’t answer right away. He might not answer at all. Or ever talk to me again.
“It’s Mushi Sushi on the corner of 43rd and Kings Road,” I add with an air of hopefulness.
He laughs. And laughs again. And then laughs some more. I like the sound of his laugh, but right now it’s unnatural and annoying. And he’s wincing in pain, too, which makes it borderline unbearable.
“What’s so funny!?”
He clears his throat. “That’s my Uncle’s place. I was headed there anyway.”
I gape at him. “Your Uncle is Mushi?”
“Well, his name is Iroh. But yeah.”
Zuko pulls his hood over his head and slides into a booth near the back of the restaurant. It’s more crowded than I expected and decorated with colorful banners and candelabras. I had forgotten about Mushi’s theme nights on the third Thursday of the month. If my dinner companion wasn’t in such a sour mood, we could have fun celebrating… whatever it is.
The server, dressed in robes presumably for the occasion, hands me a menu. “Tonight’s specials correspond with your table assignment. Let’s see, you’re seated at Icarus, so you can enjoy seafood soup, fried chicken wings, and ambrosia.”
“Ambrosia?” I ask.
“The nectar of the gods,” he says with a smile.
It’s Greek mythology night! My inner dork squeals with delight.
“I’ll give you a few minutes to decide.”
Zuko slumps even further down in his seat, like he wants to disappear. “Shit, I forgot about this. Let’s just get out of here, OK?”
“Aww. It looks like fun! Maybe it’ll make you feel better?”
“It’s supposed to be a sushi restaurant. I don’t want chicken wings.”
“You have to admit it’s kinda clever. Fried wings for Icarus?”
For the first time today, he makes eye contact. “Yeah, the guy who got burned because he couldn’t please his father.”
Oh.
I do my best to hold his gaze, but the intensity of it is almost too much. “That’s not really how the story goes, you know. Daedalus warned his son and tried to help him. Icarus fell to his death because he didn’t heed his father’s instructions.”
He looks away. “Daedalus built a maze to hold a monster. Icarus is better off dead anyway.”
I'm not backing off, though. “Seriously, did you sleep through sophomore second semester? You’ve got your Greek myths all wrong.”
“And you’re the expert? You probably get your info from that stupid show, Crossroads of Destiny.”
“I do watch that show. And it’s a great resource!”
“It’s not about Greek mythology! It just borrows from it. And butchers it. Honestly, how can you and my uncle watch that shit?”
He makes that incredulous face again with the one raised eyebrow. The shadow of his hood hides the trauma we’re both trying to ignore… by arguing… over nothing.
So, I laugh. And laugh again. And then laugh some more.
“What’s so funny!?”
“I can just see Mushi—I mean, Iroh on the edge of his seat with a remote control in one hand and a golden goblet of ambrosia in the other, waiting with bated breath for the season premiere of Crossroads of Destiny to start. I bet he dresses up for convention, too.”
“I did not attend CoDCon this year, although I considered it. I did dress as Dionysus at the annual wine festival last October. And coincidentally received a golden goblet as a souvenir.”
I hardly recognize the man, clad in leather armor, even though I’ve seen him before. He’s also wearing a broad grin framed by a course white beard and creases etched in thick skin, like that of his costume. I can tell he’s been through a lot—and would be prepared to take on anything. The heat of my embarrassment burns in my cheeks as I shake his extended hand.
“Odysseus at your service, my lady," he says with a bow. "Katara, I presume?”
I swear Zuko is blushing, too. So, he’s told his uncle about me?
“Yes, sir. Pleased to meet you. Er—nice job with the Trojan horse.”
“One of my finer moments, indeed! You're a good judge of character, but only half-right, I must say.” The old man winks at me. “I do wait with bated breath but not with remote in hand. I often watch shows on the iPad. It's much easier on these aging eyes of mine. Also, ambrosia is both a food and a drink, and for today’s menu, I’m serving it as dessert. I’ll bring you some, on the house.”
I open my mouth to say thank you, but Zuko’s groan causes both of our heads to snap in his direction. He probably did it out of annoyance with his uncle’s antics, but I am now reminded of his injuries.
Iroh is, too, as his countenance changes completely. “Nephew, you need to get ice on that. It’s still swollen.”
“I’m fine,” Zuko growls.
“I can help,” I offer.
“I don’t need help.”
Iroh sits down next to me, facing Zuko. His voice is so low that I strain to hear his words. “Nephew, you can hide behind your hood and sulk in the corner all you want. But you can’t deny the truth anymore. And part of that truth is that you do have people who care about you.”
Iroh then turns to me. “Take him upstairs to my apartment. There’s an icepack in the freezer. I’ll bring food up later… including that dessert I promised.”
Zuko slouches on a bar stool with arms folded across his chest, his mood matching the darkness of his marks—all of them—which I now carefully inspect.
I’ve never been this close to him, yet somehow I’m not as nervous as I thought I’d be… if we ever got to this point under different circumstances, that is.
Oh, how I wish the circumstances were different.
He flinches when I place the ice on his face, so I instinctively cup his other cheek with my hand and lightly trace the stubble at his jaw line with my thumb. The gesture is more intimate than I intended, but I hope to return some measure of the comfort he gave me. His sigh comes out more like a shudder—a release—as he leans into my touch.
I step forward and press our foreheads together. It’s a way of bracing myself to be strong for him. Because I need to feel a connection even if it is a small one.
“I don’t know what happened to you, and you don’t have to tell me, OK?” I whisper. “But I’m here… if you need to…”
“Thanks, Katara.” He closes his eyes and brings his hand up over mine to adjust the ice pack. When he lingers there, my body finally betrays me with a quickening pulse and a fluttering sensation in my stomach. I am standing but no longer steady. I am connected but not in control. I allow my fingers to slip to the nape of his neck and thread them through his hair. Because suddenly I need more.
Kissing him right now would be a matter of simply tilting my head. I feel the warmth of his breath. I hear him swallow. I smell the damn fabric softener that started this whole thing.
We are that close. It would be so easy.
Yet so… complicated. The trail of melting ice running down my forearm reminds me that I am here to help. He’s too vulnerable, and I don't want this—whatever this is—to be confused with pity. I do want to make him feel better, though. I don’t exactly understand what I’m feeling.
Because I’ve never felt this way before.
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Shoumetsu Meshi (April Fools 2019)
Shoumetsu Toshi's April Fools event this year is a Shokugeki…
(NB: I've slightly changed my translation style in an attempt to convey even half the humour of the dialogue in this quest.)
Also warning for language. (Couldn’t help myself lol)
It's the final round of the Ginga Cup, a heated cooking battle where the best of the best (not really) compete to win 100 million Fukuzawa and the chance to cook at Uchuu-sama's birthday party.
Ginga literally saying “Uchuu-sama's happy birthday party” fucking made my day
Can our competitors satisfy Souma's God's tongue, trained over multiple parallel worlds? Will they be able to fill up Suzuna, who only cares about volume? Most importantly, will they be able to avoid incurring Ginga's wrath? (spoilers: the answer is no)
Note some characters’ actions and words may appear OOC
Ginga announces the theme of the final round: it's...rice!
Ginga: “Lately there have been weaklings who say they prefer bread and coffee in the morning for breakfast. But I say, if it’s not rice, it doesn't deserve to be on a Japanese kitchen table! Of course, Uchuu-sama is also a fan of rice...probably!”
Takuya is offended Ginga dissed bread and coffee. Yuki wonders if Ginga really knows Uchuu's preference…
She likes bread.
Legendary sushi golfer Michael Tanaka takes centre stage to make his specialty sushi. He has trained intensely in the non-sushi-train sushi restaurant, Shoumetsu Sushi. He got up at 2am to get the freshest tuna from Tsukiji fish market. His movements are so quick it's like he's a shadow clone ninja.
He completes his sushi in almost no time. Souma is in awe at its beauty. Suzuna can't believe sushi-train sushi and real sushi taste so different. Evidently she has never had real sushi before. Well actually she barely eats sushi at all.
Why tf are you a judge then?
Ginga is also deeply impressed.
Ginga: “It is as if you have created a tiny universe of deliciousness in this one piece of sushi. Truly exquisite. But of course, there is curry too? Curry is my favourite side dish to go with sushi. Surely there must be curry.”
Yuki smells the bullshit. Only a sushi train has curry side dishes, Ginga doesn't actually appreciate real sushi at all.
Unfortunately Michael Tanaka has no curry.
Every time he is disappointed, Ginga goes ballistic. His rage is so extra I love it.
Michael Tanaka realises the fatal error of his ways: he was so focused on making the perfect sushi he completely forgot about the customer's wishes (no Michael, you did nothing wrong. A customer has no right demanding curry in a sushi restaurant ). Nevertheless, his elimination means one less competitor for Takuya and Yuki.
While Souma had the decency to ask whether or not that was an unfair dismissal, Suzuna just wants to eat more. Sushi's great but it lacks volume.
Enter Masae, the cafeteria lady of Takuya's primary school with a thirty year track record of disappointing kids with her incredibly healthy and unusual meals, that sometimes deceptively look a lot like desserts.
“If it’s volume you want, leave it to me!”
Case in point, she covers rice with creamy tororo (grated yams), topped with tuna shaped to look like strawberries, to create her (in)famous tororo christmas cake (which triggers Takuya's childhood trauma).
His PTSD doesn’t stop us almost totally decimating the abomination though (in fact it fuels him further. The only reason we did not burn it to a crisp is because sabotaging another competitor is bad manners).
Souma and Suzuna are able to enjoy it. But once again, Ginga becomes enraged as the sticky tororo gets stuck in his beard. After we calm him down again, Masae is eliminated.
Saved by the yam (see April Fools event from two years ago for context)
Is nobody able to satisfy the beast that is Ginga? Ryouko rises to the challenge, self-proclaiming herself the ‘Mirin Meister’ (mirin is like a sweet rice wine used in cooking).
Ryouko substitutes water for mirin when cooking the rice, and furnishes the end product with more mirin.
“This is my ‘dish from the heart’, Special Mirin Rice!”
“This…is just mirin isn't it”
“It looks like chazuke (a dish where you pour tea into the rice)”
“...It’s mirin….
The dish looks odd but the judges are impressed by Ryouko's overflowing confidence. They dig in.
It tastes disgusting.
Souma curses the taste as akin to murder. Suzuna stands frozen as if her soul left her in shock. And Ginga…
How dare you do this to the rice. This is an insult to all the farmers who helped grow this rice. Don’t just leave this tournament, begone from this world forever
‘Mirin Meister’ Ryouko is eliminated.
"Oh did I not put in enough mirin?”
Ginga laments that there will be no winner. Uchuu's birthday party is going to be a disaster. (He has zero faith in Takuya and Yuki btw)
But then Takuya brings out their dish, a steaming bowl of...just plain rice. But, after the ordeal with the mirin, plain rice could just be the tastiest thing on the planet...
Takuya: “Rice is best eaten normally after all.” Actually it's because we were so busy fighting Ginga that we didn't have time to make anything else
Yuki: “The power of plain rice is you can add anything to it to suit your taste. Uchuu can eat it with her favourite side dishes, I'm sure she will be happy.” Though actually it's because we had a feeling you'd find something to complain about no matter what we did.
“That is true. Now that I think of it, I don't actually know Uchuu-sama’s favourite side dishes”
The results are in: Victory to Takuya and Yuki! As they are about to rejoice over winning the 100 million Fukuzawa, Messiah comes to put a damper on their celebration: this competition was just a set-up for the larger tournament arc, child’s play to weed out the weaklings. A small tournament like this was only a qualifier for something grander. Takuya and Yuki have to defeat the Four Kitchen Knives (?) of Shoumetsu and make it to the world stage for even a chance at getting the prize money.
The Big 4 to watch out for are: Captain Michael, who will show the power of his Justice Sushi, Rau with his 4000 year history, and the two Buddhas as well!?
Japanese sushi is weak. Taste my Justice Sushi
We, the Four Kitchen Knives will be your opponents
Just like any good shounen manga protagonist, Takuya and Yuki don’t back down in the face of challenge.
“We'll take down the Four Knives and win the World Cup too! This is just the beginning of our battle!”
TBC...(probably never)
I guess the writing got a little ridiculous toward the end but it is a parody of the shounen sports genre. Overall I thought it was an enjoyable enough April Fools event.
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100 Questions To Invade My Personal Life
I saw @simsstuffmarie do this yesterday and thought I’d give it a go.
If you want to read it all good luck, if you can’t be bothered I don’t blame you, it’s quite long :D
1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it? Elizabeth, it’s alright, it’s quite common.
2. Are you artistic? Not really, I used to be good at drawing when I was yonger.
3. Have you had your first kiss? I had my first kiss when I was 12 :P
4. What is your life goal? To have a secure job I love and maybe a couple of kids
5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person? I saw Warrick Davis at a convention once.
6. Do you play any sports? I used to play badminton at school but I don’t really do anything now.
7. What’s your worst fear? Being stuck in a tight space for ages - like being buried alive.
8. Who’s your biggest inspiration? Anyone who has motivation to do what they love.
9. Do you have any cool talents?
I can do a good Butterfree impression?
10. Are you a morning person? No way.
11. How do you feel about pet names? They can be cute, I find them a bit cringy to use myself. My boyfriend and I just call each other ‘love’. 12. Do you like to read? Alllllllllll the time. 13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. Yuri!!!!! on Ice - I’ve never felt so strongly for two main characters my entire life.
Friends - I don’t know what I’d do without it, it’s a comfort for me whenever I re-watch it.
14. Do you care about your follower count?
Not really, I’m amazed even 1 person followed me (*´∀`*) I appreciate every single one though.
15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?
I’ve had a few where I’ve been able to fly, those where pretty fun.
16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?
Only when I was younger as a dare. I wish I had been more explorative when I was younger though since I think I’m most definitely bi now.
17. Do you have any pets?
Two cats.
18. Are you religious?
Not really. I like to think believing in reincarnation would be pretty cool though.
19. Are you a people person?
Only if they’re the kind of people I know how to get along with.
20. Are you considered popular?
Probably not but I don’t really care, I’ve got my group of close friends and that’s all I need.
21. What is one of your bad habits?
Being a bit selfish sometimes.
22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable
Thinking about how we’re all just little ants on this planet absorbed on our own little worlds and none of us are special.
23. What would you name your children?
I like Pheobe for a girl and Ethan for a boy. If in the very unlikely chance that I have twin boys I am 100% calling them Theo and Leo xD
24. Who’s your celebrity crush?
Scarlett Johansson can come and steal me away any day <3
25. What’s your best subject?
Animal Behaviour (what I studied at uni)
26. Dogs or cats?
Catssssss
27. Most-used social media besides Tumblr?
Probably a tie between Facebook and Twitter
28. Best friends name
Josh
29. Who does your main family consist of?
My mum and my sister
30. Chocolate or sugar
Aren’t they the same thing?? But always chocolate!!
31. Have you ever been on a date?
Lots
32. Do you like rollercoasters?
Love them!!
33. Can you swim?
Yup, I love swimming
34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse?
Somehow try to meet up with my boyfriend and best friends, get our families and hide out at a big school or something.
35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder
Bits of depression and anxiety, getting better now that I’ve finished uni!
36. Are your parents together?
Divorced 4 years ago.
37. What’s your favourite colour?
Greeeeeen
38. What country are you from/do you live in?
England, used to live in Wales for uni.
39. Favourite singer?
Dan Reynolds from Imagine Dragons
40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?
No, wouldn’t want to be.
41. Do you like dresses?
Sometimes, only for formal occasions.
42. Favourite song right now?
Believer by Imagine Dragons
43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Nope
44. How old were you when you first got your period?
It was the morning of my 14th birthday... great present!
45. Have you ever shot a gun?
Only bb guns.
46. Have you ever done yoga?
No.
47. Are you a horror girl?
Only the Stephen King kind.
48. Are you good at giving advice?
Not really
49. Tell us a story about your childhood.
At preschool we would do the nativity play every year and one year I was an angel and got really nervous and wet myself... on stage xD
50. How are you doing today?
I’m alright, could be better, could be worse. (Halfway through these, woooo)
51. Were you a cute kid?
I was pretty cute. I had the chubbiest cheeks :D
52. Can you dance?
I used to do modern/jazz dance after school.
53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?
Loving to read?
54. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Only highlights
55. What colour are your eyes?
Green
56. What’s your favourite animal?
Owls ( ◎▼◎ )
57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?
Plenty of times...
58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Definitely with my Mum, not so much with my Dad since he moved out but getting closer since he had my little brother.
59. Do you have good friends?
They’re the bestest.
60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?
Not that I know of
61. What’s your favourite class?
Used to be Biology
62. List all the tv shows you are watching.
Handmaiden’s tale and Friends
63. Are you organised?
Sometimes I get bursts of being organised but most of the time as long as I know where it is, that’s enough for me!
64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?
Wonder Woman was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
67. Which tv character do you relate to most?
If I had to pick one, Pheobe from Friends although I’m sure there are lots of differences.
68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?
Time and space... just kidding :P probably money.
69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?
Looking after all the beautiful reptiles and birds I would buy...
70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?
I’d probably be less scared to try new things
71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?
Nothing, I’ve long stopped caring what other people think
72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
I’d spend less of my middle school years being sad and depressed because I had no friends, and I’d make my parents get the internet way earlier then when I was 17...
73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
To save from death? 100%
74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?
When me and my friends when camping last summer
75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?
My cats
76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?
I looked for jobs at local zoos and sanctuaries, applied for a couple the other day (fingers crossed!)
77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
A zoo keeper
78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?
My social life and relaxing time, otherwise I’d be volunteering/working 24/7
79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?
I can think of loads of examples...
80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence
Get a job and move back in with my boyfriend and get a cat and maybe get engaged
81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?
Tiring but productive xD
82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?
Playing the Sims lol
And probably reading every book that ever existed.
83. How would you spend a billion dollars?
I’d pay for my mum to live in a nice house and take us all on holiday. Then I’d get a nice house for me and my bf and all of our pets that I’d buy.
84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?
I’d love to go to the past and see how we evolved and how dinosaurs lived.
85. What motivates you to succeed?
My bf and my mum
86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?
Whenever I have a nightmare about zombies and faceless things...
87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?
Definitely the woods, cities are way too suffocating.
88. Do you believe in life after death
My science brain says no, but my imagination says maybe?
89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?
My middle school science teacher who taught me how fun science is.
90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?
Our family holiday to Disney Land, Florida.
91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?
Charles Darwin, I’d let him know how successful his work became.
92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?
Not many things could make me cry of joy. My bf proposing to me might do it though xD
93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?
Everyone has the capacity for good and evil.
94. What do you think happens after we die?
You get a funeral...
95. What would you do if you could be invisible?
Pull pranks on people
96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?
Be taller
97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?
No, although there are so many women in my family I will probably have only girls...
98. How did your first crush develop?
Poorly
99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?
Embarrassment
100. Do you live or do you just exist?
I try to live as best I can.
So there you go! Congrats if you made it to the end! I won’t tag anyone, just give it a go if ya wanna :)
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Get to know me meme!
tagged by @uglyelleth
1. What is your full name? Alex
2. What is your nickname? i don’t really have one
3. What is your zodiac sign? capricorn/aquarius
4. What is your favorite book series? probably harry potter lmao
5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? it’s pretty likely that earth isn’t the only planet with life on it
6. Who is your favorite author? i’m not really sure lmao i’m bad at favorites
7. What is your favorite radio station? uhhh i usually end up liking the oldies stations whoops
8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? i really like vanilla
9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? wonderful, awesome, cool
10. What is your current favorite song? aw man i don’t even know i’m so bad at favorites aaa i’ve been really into lonesome dreams by lord huron lately but not in a favorite way more in an i could listen to this for hours and it calms me way if that makes sense
11. What is your favorite word? defenestration
12. What was the last song you listened to? secrets by onerepublic
13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? man idk i’m insecure about my tastes in things everything i watch is bad lmao. maybe atla
14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i marathon mob psycho 100 sometimes when i feel bad lmao
15. Do you play video games? not really but it’s mostly because i don’t have systems/my brothers hog the ones we have
16. What is your biggest fear? uhhh the future in general
17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? i’m compassionate
18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? i’m too withdrawn
19. Do you like cats or dogs better? they’re both good but i do. really love cats
20. What is your favorite season? fall is nice
21. Are you in a relationship? nope
22. What is something you miss from your childhood? my mental stability lol?? no but my mom used to work at a summer camp and i really miss going there every day in the summer
23. Who is your best friend? i don’t want to pick favorites so u get no answer
24. What is your eye color? brown
25. What is your hair color? brown
26. Who is someone you love? my family and my friends
27. Who is someone you trust? i generally trust my friends
28. Who is someone you think about often? my friends usually and my brothers and my cats
29. Are you currently excited about/for something? going home lol
30. What is your biggest obsession? take a look at my blog and tell me i think it’s pretty obvious
31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? i really really loved dora the explorer as a little little kid lmao
32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? hey uh what’s the opposite of nonbinary
33. Are you superstitious? nah
34. Do you have any unusual phobias? riding bikes ;;;
35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind
36. What is your favorite hobby? does thinking about fictional characters count uh drawing i guess
37. What was the last book you read? i’m in the middle of reading the knife of never letting go by patrick ness
38. What was the last movie you watched? rogue one lmao
39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? clarinet and a little bit of piano
40. What is your favorite animal? maybe cats idk
41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? aa man idk i follow a lot of really great people i can’t pick favorites ;v;
42. What superpower do you wish you had? telekinesis
43. When and where do you feel most at peace? on a lakeshore on a still summer evening
44. What makes you smile? when ppl enjoy the things i create
45. What sports do you play, if any? i don’t play any haaaa
46. What is your favorite drink? root beer or cream soda tbh
47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? probably ?? for a friend’s birthday a few months ago
48. Are you afraid of heights? yeah
49. What is your biggest pet peeve? idek man
50. Have you ever been to a concert? like school band concert? yes
51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? no
52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? i wanted to be a vet or a paleontologist
53. What fictional world would you like to live in? hhh idk there are so many cool ones but they all have their drawbacks too
54. What is something you worry about? what don’t i worry about i probably worry most about making a fool of myself and being alone for the rest of my life
55. Are you scared of the dark? a little
56. Do you like to sing? yeah but only when i’m alone bc i’m not good at it lol
57. Have you ever skipped school? never really on purpose
58. What is your favorite place on the planet? tbh like... u know the summer camp i mentioned? on the dock there
59. Where would you like to live? i like it a lot in minnesota and i can’t imagine myself leaving. i would like to live on a lakefront someday.
60. Do you have any pets? i have two cats!!
61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl
62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets are the only ones i’m ever really awake for
63. Do you know how to drive? yeah
64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones
65. Have you ever had braces? yep
66. What is your favorite genre of music? my music taste is pretty diverse i think so i don’t really know?
67. Who is your hero? shrugs
68. Do you read comic books? not really no
69. What makes you the most angry? when people are mean to others for no good reason
70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real books
71. What is your favorite subject in school? i like psychology and history
72. Do you have any siblings? two younger brothers
73. What was the last thing you bought? floss and a bottle of pop
74. How tall are you? 5′3”
75. Can you cook? sorta?
76. What are three things that you love? animals, nature, fleecy pajamas lol
77. What are three things that you hate? people who are mean, unnecessary drama, high school
78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? looks at my like three friends uhhh
79. What is your sexual orientation? aroace
80. Where do you currently live? minnesota
81. Who was the last person you texted? a friend
82. When was the last time you cried? uhhhh a few weeks ago
83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? shrug emoji
84. Do you like to take selfies? sometimes but not often
85. What is your favorite app? i dunno man
86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? i like to think it’s good!!
87. What is your favorite foreign accent? i don’t really know aaa
88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? japan
89. What is your favorite number? 42
90. Can you juggle? no
91. Are you religious? not particularly
92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? they’re both really interesting and terrifying
93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no lmao i’m a coward
94. Are you allergic to anything? nope
95. Can you curl your tongue? yep
96. Can you wiggle your ears? no
97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? idk whenever i’m wrong i hope
98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest
99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? i uhhh don’t know
100. Are you a good liar? i think so
101. What is your Hogwarts House? hufflepuff
102. Do you talk to yourself? always
103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert
104. Do you keep a journal/diary? no
105. Do you believe in second chances? yeah
106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? try to figure out who it belongs to and do what i can to make sure it gets to them
107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes
108. Are you ticklish? not really
109. Have you ever been on a plane? yeah
110. Do you have any piercings? no
111. What fictional character do you wish was real? i don’t even know there are a lot lmao
112. Do you have any tattoos? no
113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? cutting off a toxic friend during high school
114. Do you believe in karma? shrugs not really
115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? nope
116. Do you want children? not really. i might adopt if i get to a point where i feel that i’m stable enough and i can handle it but as of right now. no.
117. Who is the smartest person you know? idk maybe my dad?
118. What is your most embarrassing memory? i decline to answer this
119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yeah
120. What color are most of you clothes? mostly dark colors. a lot of blues.
121. Do you like adventures? hell yeah
122. Have you ever been on TV? no
123. How old are you? 19
124. What is your favorite quote? i don’t kno w
125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? depends on my mood
i’m not taggin anybody u can take it and say i tagged u
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1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it? - not telling, and no 2. are you artistic? -i guess 3. Have you had your first kiss? -Ofc not im aidan fucking casey (anyone hmu im lonely) 4. What is your life goal? -to influence people 5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person? -i once tweeted at casey neistat and he didnt respond 6. Do you play any sports? -not any more 7. What’s your worst fear? -failure 8. Who’s your biggest inspiration? -probably casey neistat 9. Do you have any cool talents? -i can freak people out by looking at them 10. are you a morning person? -yeah if im not woken up early 11. How do you feel about pet names? -the closest i get to that is calling someone B 12. Do you like to read? -yeah but i dont read as much as id like to 13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.- does casey neistats vlog count? (Ill shut up with the casey neistat) 14. Do you care about your follower count?- i do on my rinsta, but it bothers me that people feel validated based off of numbers like that (likes etc) 15. What’s the best dream you’ve had? -i dont remember my dreams- the weirdest dream i had was that everyone i knew was trans 16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? -by accident once (does that count?) 17. Do you have any pets?- I have a kitten named Rocket and a full grown cat named Oreo (who is dying of multiple cases of cancer) 18. Are you religious? - Im pretty agnostic, and the catholic church disgusts me 19. Are you a people person?- definitely 20. Are you considered popular?- i try not to think in terms like that, but i guess i have a lot of friends? 21. What is one of your bad habits?- procrastination 22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?- depression 23. What would you name your children? - ill name one of em’ Casey to fuck with them 24. Who’s your celebrity crush? - Emma Watson? 25. What’s your best subject?- Best- French, Favorite- Art 26. Dogs or cats? Doggos 27. most used social media besides tumblr?- Snapchat/INstagram 28. best friends name? I dont categorize people as best friends, but matt and sara are my oldest friends 29. who does your main family consist of? mostly my grandmother and grandfather tbh 30. Chocolate or sugar? SUGAR 31. have you ever been on a date? no 32. Do you like roller coasters? n0 33. Can you swim? n.O 34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse? hide in a school with a weapon 35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder? self-diagnosed depression? (dont worry i too am rolling my eyes) 36. Are your parents together? barely 37. What’s your favorite color? anything 38. What country are you from/do you live in? ‘MURCA (fuck yeah) 39. Favorite singer? whatever’s on 40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? i wish 41. Do you like dresses? no 42. Favorite song right now? All Night- Parov Stelar 43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? im fine with it ironically, or as a joke, but if people are talking about it literallt shit gets weird 44. How old were you when you first got your period? did you just assume my gender? 45. Have you ever shot a gun? yep 46. Have you ever done yoga? nope 47. Are you a horror girl? did you just assume my gender? 48. Are you good at giving advice? i like to think that I am, but like i dont take my own advice 49. Tell us a story about your childhood. no fuck off 50. How are you doing today? meh 51. Were you a cute kid? i was thicc af 52. Can you dance? when nobody is looking im good 53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing? twirling pens 54. Have you ever dyed your hair? yea and im still recoiling from all of the people that called me a fag 55. What color are your eyes? BLUE 56. What’s your favorite animal? squirrels? 57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? hell yeah man i do it like 3x a day 58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? not really 59. Do you have good friends? most of them are 8/8 m8 60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? sure 61. What’s your favorite class? Studio Art? I put the most effort into it, and its where i get my lowest grades 62. List all the tv shows you are watching. not watching any atm 63. Are you organized? I try to be but i evenually get lazy and shit collapses 64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? Inside Out- I’m still super sh00k 65. Which tv character do you relate to most?- bob ross i guess i dont watch that much tv 68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?- reality 69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?- I’d like to think I’d do something super cool and revolutionary but to be real id probably buy a lot of expensive shit and never do anything 70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? I’d be a little less afraid of failure, because I’d have more chances 71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? I’d dye my hair and shit 72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?- a lot of shit that I wont write here 73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?- depends on the law/ who 74. When was the last time you traveled somewhere new?- I went to The Grand Canyon last summer 75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?- I think of my grandmother’s house 76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?- I’m stuck in thsi existential gridlock where i know what i want to be but i dont know what to do next 77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?- happy 78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?- most of the safety and stability of everything around me 79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?- no idea; i push that shit out of my head 80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.- highschool, then college. 81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?- I wouldnt sleep, and that would be pretty shit 82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?- trying to kill myself (I dont want to live forever) 83. How would you spend a billion dollars? on myself 84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? past, but id want to go back 85. What motivates you to succeed?- nothing, and thats my problem 86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? idk yet 87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? City- i need to be around lots of people 88. Do you believe in life after death? No 89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? So far, i guess Andrea Lee 90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? Gramma R’s house 91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why? My grampa dave, he seemed like a cool guy 92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? Idk 93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? Idk 94. What do you think happens after we die? We get buried/cremated 95. What would you do if you would be invisible? Walk around naked 96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try? Avoid awkwardness 97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? Yeah i guess 98. How did your first crush develop? We were friends for a while and i guess it just evolved from there 99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? Idk man 100. Do you live or do you just exist? You live
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