#never got to go on the woodie which was p sad cause it looked like a banger but it was way too populated and i wasn't waiting like 2 hours

[1onehuman]

<3

Just a Little Guy…

@1onehuman‘s griffin commission collection, these will forever be one of my favorites to work on.

[sharkmiaau]

Fallin' in love with you

Title: fallin in love with you Paring: Minicat Word count: ???? FLUFF! A/n not my first time doing this pair but this is kind of an au for this pair, it kinda just popped into my mind. Where both craig and Tyler just kinda know each other since childhood, and Tyler was always with Craig cause his mom was kinda going south leaving no time with her son so he asked his old friend or Craig's mom to take care of him until one day they moved back to Indiana and craig almost forgot about his childhood friend since when they moved at the time craig was 9 and so on and so forth, so let me stop here and let you read it for yourself, enjoy ^^ ------------ "Mommy!" A small child said to the mother, "Yes, Craig?" "Tyler is here!" The small 9 year old said and drags a slightly older kid inside the kitchen. "Hi, Mrs. Thompson" the 12 year old said and the woman gasped, "oh my Tyler! You got here early!" "My mom told me to leave early since she has visits" Tyler explained and the woman's surprised face expression dropped into a sad frown. "Im so sorry child...here go upstairs with Craig and play some games" "Okay" Tyler said and craig pulls Tyler towards the stairs. "Play fair Craig!" The woman said and tyler laughs while Craig grumbled a 'Yea i know mom' Later that day at 10 pm at night, the door opened to reveal a woman with bags under her eyes and messy hair. "Hello? Cristina?" The woman asked. Craig's mom goes running and angrily scowls at the other woman, "Didn't even give your son a ride here?" "Im sorry crissy...." "What now? His sleeping" crissy said to her old friend and she sighs, "we're moving back to Indiana...." Craig's mom gasped and hugs her old friend, "That's gonna destroy both Tyler and craig..." "It hurts me too crissy...." "Im so sorry Jessica-" "Don't....I just need my kid...." Craig's mom let's go of tyler's mom and she looks deeply into her friends blue eyes, "right now? Your leaving now?" "Yes..." - couple of years later. Craig was 21 and he had made the decision of moving to America in Los Angeles. His friend at 9 year old has vanished out of his head at 15. He was big and had a whole life planned ahead of himself. After finishing collage he moved and lived a happy life over in America. - A knock was heard on Craig's mom's door. "Going!" The woman yelled and slowly makes her way towards the door. She opened it and revealed a tall younge man, blue eyes and brown hair. "May I help you?" "Uh...Mrs. Thompson?" "Yes that's me" The man sighs and smiles widely, "it's me...Tyler" - "Mom I'm at the airport" "Good, just look for a tall younge man" "Umm...okay? Who is he?" "You'll know when you see him" "Tall....younge-" Someone taps Craig on the shoulder and craig turns around. Both males make eye contact and craig softly whispered to his mom, "does he have blue eyes?" Craig ask and the mom laughs, "That's him" "Hey Craig" Soon a flashback of a blurry face hit him and tears swelled in the man's eyes. "Craig?" The mom ask and the call was soon over. Craig puts his phone back in his pocket and just looks over at the man infront of him. "Is...are...-" "Are you gonna come over here and hug me or keep looking like an idiot?" The man said and craig hugs the taller man. "Tyler....oh fuck dude...." "Hello mini" "Dude...fuck me your tall!" Craig said as he pulls away. "Chill I'm like 5 inches taller then you" "In 6 foot" "6 foot 5, baby" Tyler said proudly and craig laughs. "Guess thinks never change..." "I'll always be taller then you bitch" - Craig's green eyes scan over Tyler once again as he washes the dishes. "Like dat ass?" Tyler teased and craig blushes while laughing, "It's not 'that ass' It's Dat ass~" Craig said in a weird voice and Tyler laughs. "Im kicking Scott's ass in Mario cart" Tyler said as he sits down on the couch. "Haven't seen Scotty in years" "No shit" "Hmm" "Criag can you pass me- TAKE THAT YOU WOODY BITCH!" Tyler yelled and craig flinched, soon another flashback hit Craig. Play nice A glass cup slips out of Craig's grip and it shatters in the sink. "Craig!?" Loud thumps were heard and Craig cursed under his breath and tries to clean the glass but ends up cutting his finger. He flinches and Tyler comes in with a worried expression. "Craig? Oh my God your bleeding- dude what happened?" Tyler said as he walks over and sees the shattered glass, "you dumbass" "Sorry" Craig said and shuts off the water. "Be careful. Here let me get the first aid kit" "In the bathroom" "Got it" After a few minutes pass, Tyler comes back and cleans the cut. "Dumbass, what happened?" "It slipped....I was thinking..." "Of what?" "Of a memory" Tyler stops and looks at Craig. "Which one?" "I remember my mom yelling from downstairs to play nice...." Tyler flinched and laughs at the memory, "oh yeah! Me and you were fuckin reckless...." "I got my potty mouth from you" Craig said and tyler pouts, "Don't blame everything on me!" - Tyler dragged Craig into the sofa and they sit down, he told Scotty he had to go and Scotty says goodbye to both males. After they put some tunes on, Tyler looked back at Craig and smiled. "Wanna continue remembering?" "Yea...some memories are fuzzy but I'm sure you remember" "Yea...lots of them" "Tell me some" Tyler thinks and smiles softly without noticing, "Remember the time were you locked your brother in the closet for accident and couldn't let him out until your dad got back?" "Yea...we made new once now..." "Poor dude" "I almost killed him" "Jesus christ" "He got in one of my dad's old luggages and we threw him in the pool and all I remember him scream 'the water is getting in' and both me and a friend of ours had to jump in to the pool to get him out!" "Fuck dude! For a second I thought you did kill him!" "Nah, but thinking back to it...it's funny but back in the day was scarry!" "What happened to the other Craig?" "He finished collage with me and got a job at subway anyway" "Haha! Fuckin sucks to be him!" Craig laughs and shakes his head, "must be hell..." "Do you remember the promise we made?" "Promise?" Tyler nods and Criag frowns, "no...." "You were too small....but I remember" "What was that promise?" "When you where 6 you told your mom that you were gonna marry me" Craig tensed up and blushed, "what really?" "Yea, and you said all types of weird shit but I agreed....but not the part where you told your mom that we were gonna do the 'tango naked' oh man....the look in your mom's face was priceless...." "Oh my god your lying!" "No! I'm being serious! You can confirm that with your mom if you like!" "I don't want to remind her of that!" Both males laugh and Tyler scoots closer, Craig of course noticed but didn't say anything, he just wanted to play it cool. "I had to come back to look for you...." "Why?....it's been years...." "I couldn't let go of you....your memories kept me going....and I continued to live off with my mom and her new boyfriend until I was 20 because....things were hard. Harder then before" "I can imagen..." "I couldn't keep you off my mind...I needed to see you again and...seeing you without that mop on your head anymore cot me off guard..." Tyler said as he ran his hands thru his own hair. "How did-" "Im 24 Craig...I think I'm more then capable of going anywhere at this point" Craig doesn't say anything and then he feels tyler's hand on his own. Craig looked up at tyler's icy blue eyes and he holds his breathe in. "I came back to you because I wanted to keep that promise" Tyler said to the shorter male and he leans closer. "T-tyler...." Craig whispered and he leans back as Tyler gets closer. Craig was trapped and Tyler just continues to lean in as Craig's heart goes crazy. His heart beat was so loud and fast, it felt like it was gonna explode out of his chest. "Do you want me here at all? Do you even want that promise to happen?" Tyler whispered into Craig's ear and he shutters. Does he? "I do..." He whispered and Tyler smiled. "Prove that you do" "H-...huh?" "Show me that you still want me like I want you" In a daze craig continued to stare until his body pushes up and he meets tyler's lips. Tyler was shocked at first but kisses back anyways. "Do you even know the promise?" "To marry you?" "Maybe" "Maybe?" Tyler laughs and craig watches in confusion how his old childhood friend laughs. "Im so lost...." "I was lying about the promise but not about the marrying part, I was gonna tease you about you liking boys but.....I'm not complaining that you kissed me" Tyler said in a wink and Craig's skin flushes. "WHY! YOU LITTLE PRICK!" Craig jumps on tyler's and straddles him to pin his arms down. "So demanding~" "BITCH! Dem-....demanding?" Craig asked and Tyler uses his eyes to tell him that he was sitting right on top of his belt and craig flushes as he tries to get up but Tyler keeps him down and mini falls forward and lands on tyler's lips. Craig's eyes fluttered shut but he struggled to move away. "It's all part of my plan" Tyler said as he pulls away. "P-plan? Tyler nods and craig shoots him a lost stare. "I plan to make you fall in love with me....so far I think it's working" "....."  Craig blushes and pulls Tyler up to hug him. Butterflies fly around inside his stomach and craig mumbles into tyler's neck, "I think it's working too..."

[aswadwrites41-blog]

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

https://www.aswadwrites.in/sarcastic-quotes/

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

If you carry contempt for or mock something, the use of words that say something else but mean the other, then this is sarcasm. In other phrases, you are the usage of irony to do it. I guess, better than defining what’s sarcasm. Must I permit the subsequent listing of sarcastic quotes do the talking? Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old sarcasm quotes, sarcasm sayings, and sarcasm proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. ~ Lorrie Moore

The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife. ~ David Ogilvy

Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ~ Steven Wright

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember! ~ Anonymous Feared

No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it. ~ Anonymous

Read: 20+ Beautiful Heart Touching Quotes Collection

I asked you for some lunch money, and you gave me a dollar? Your benevolence always touches my soul! ~ Anonymous

Oh, come on! I am not being sarcastic with you. You really sing well… In fact, you sing better than the wretched crows in my neighborhood! Damn those crows… ~ Anonymous

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two. ~ Anonymous

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx

You’d be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth. ~ Anonymous

Types of People Eye Roll and Heart Eyes I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either. ~ Anonymous

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~ Sacha Guitry

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

Shocked thick guy using modern technology Baby Girl getting a Shot Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. ~ Anonymous

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Not all women are annoying. Some are dead. ~ Anonymous

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~ Billy Connolly

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction. ~ Anonymous

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students! ~ Robin Williams

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ~ Anonymous

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~ Max Kauffmann

Check: Incredible Sad Status For Whatsapp

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question. ~ Anonymous

I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood. ~ J.D. Salinger

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~ Gene Perret

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. ~ Robert Frost

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket. ~ Will Rogers

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? ~ Anonymous

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. ~ Anonymous

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ~ Will Rogers

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. ~ Forrest Tucker

Handsome gangster Portrait of a surprised cat breed Scottish Fold It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy. ~ Anonymous

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. ~ Drew Carey

You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low. ~ Anonymous

Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up. ~ Anonymous

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~ Steven Wright

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. ~ Anonymous

Check: Attitude Quotes And Status (Latest Collection)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Anonymous

I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job. ~ Jarod Kintz

I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you. ~ Anonymous

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. ~ Anonymous

You know there’s just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person! ~ Anonymous

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. ~ Patrick Murray

Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted? ~ Anonymous

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I are not sure about the universe. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. ~ Stephen Bishop

Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! ~ Groucho Marx

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. ~ Cecilia Egan

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. ~ Joan Crawford

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ~ Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. ~ Groucho Marx

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. ~ Woody Allen

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ~ Henny Youngman

You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate! ~ Anonymous

Read: Sad Quotes About Life

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ Groucho Marx

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. ~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. ~ Joey Adams

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than

electronic banking. It’s called marriage. ~ James Holt McGavran

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”

“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”

“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”

“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”

“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”

“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”

“You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.”

“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”

“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”

“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”

“Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”

“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”

“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”

“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

Check: Good Morning Quotes

“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”

“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”

“You sound better with your mouth closed.”

“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”

“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”

“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”

“I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”

“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Fighting with me is like being in the Special Olympics. You may win, but in the end, you’re still a retard.”

“Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”

“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”

Read: Top 50 Best Collection of Funny Whatsapp Status

“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”

“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”

“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”

“Life’s good, you should get one.”

“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”

“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”

“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”

“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”

“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”

“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”

“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”

“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

Check: Good Status For Whatsapp

“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”

“Find your patience before I lose mine.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”

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[ramosjuniorus-blog]

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

https://www.aswadwrites.in/sarcastic-quotes/

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

If you carry contempt for or mock something, the use of words that say something else but mean the other, then this is sarcasm. In other phrases, you are the usage of irony to do it. I guess, better than defining what’s sarcasm. Must I permit the subsequent listing of sarcastic quotes do the talking? Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old sarcasm quotes, sarcasm sayings, and sarcasm proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. ~ Lorrie Moore

The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife. ~ David Ogilvy

Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ~ Steven Wright

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember! ~ Anonymous Feared

No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it. ~ Anonymous

Read: 20+ Beautiful Heart Touching Quotes Collection

I asked you for some lunch money, and you gave me a dollar? Your benevolence always touches my soul! ~ Anonymous

Oh, come on! I am not being sarcastic with you. You really sing well… In fact, you sing better than the wretched crows in my neighborhood! Damn those crows… ~ Anonymous

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two. ~ Anonymous

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx

You’d be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth. ~ Anonymous

Types of People Eye Roll and Heart Eyes I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either. ~ Anonymous

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~ Sacha Guitry

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

Shocked thick guy using modern technology Baby Girl getting a Shot Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. ~ Anonymous

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Not all women are annoying. Some are dead. ~ Anonymous

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~ Billy Connolly

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction. ~ Anonymous

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students! ~ Robin Williams

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ~ Anonymous

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~ Max Kauffmann

Check: Incredible Sad Status For Whatsapp

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question. ~ Anonymous

I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood. ~ J.D. Salinger

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~ Gene Perret

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. ~ Robert Frost

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket. ~ Will Rogers

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? ~ Anonymous

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. ~ Anonymous

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ~ Will Rogers

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. ~ Forrest Tucker

Handsome gangster Portrait of a surprised cat breed Scottish Fold It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy. ~ Anonymous

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. ~ Drew Carey

You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low. ~ Anonymous

Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up. ~ Anonymous

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~ Steven Wright

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. ~ Anonymous

Check: Attitude Quotes And Status (Latest Collection)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Anonymous

I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job. ~ Jarod Kintz

I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you. ~ Anonymous

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. ~ Anonymous

You know there’s just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person! ~ Anonymous

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. ~ Patrick Murray

Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted? ~ Anonymous

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I are not sure about the universe. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. ~ Stephen Bishop

Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! ~ Groucho Marx

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. ~ Cecilia Egan

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. ~ Joan Crawford

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ~ Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. ~ Groucho Marx

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. ~ Woody Allen

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ~ Henny Youngman

You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate! ~ Anonymous

Read: Sad Quotes About Life

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ Groucho Marx

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. ~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. ~ Joey Adams

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than

electronic banking. It’s called marriage. ~ James Holt McGavran

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”

“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”

“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”

“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”

“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”

“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”

“You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.”

“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”

“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”

“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”

“Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”

“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”

“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”

“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

Check: Good Morning Quotes

“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”

“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”

“You sound better with your mouth closed.”

“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”

“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”

“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”

“I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”

“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Fighting with me is like being in the Special Olympics. You may win, but in the end, you’re still a retard.”

“Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”

“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”

Read: Top 50 Best Collection of Funny Whatsapp Status

“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”

“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”

“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”

“Life’s good, you should get one.”

“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”

“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”

“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”

“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”

“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”

“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”

“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”

“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

Check: Good Status For Whatsapp

“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”

“Find your patience before I lose mine.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”

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#WhatsappStatus #WhatsappLoveStatus #WhatsappSadStatus #LoveStatus #SadStatus #WhatsappStatusHindi #AttitudeStatusHindi #Shayari #LoveShayari #SadShayari #MeaningfulQuotes #EmotionalStatus

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Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

https://www.aswadwrites.in/sarcastic-quotes/

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

If you carry contempt for or mock something, the use of words that say something else but mean the other, then this is sarcasm. In other phrases, you are the usage of irony to do it. I guess, better than defining what’s sarcasm. Must I permit the subsequent listing of sarcastic quotes do the talking? Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old sarcasm quotes, sarcasm sayings, and sarcasm proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. ~ Lorrie Moore

The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife. ~ David Ogilvy

Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ~ Steven Wright

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember! ~ Anonymous Feared

No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it. ~ Anonymous

Read: 20+ Beautiful Heart Touching Quotes Collection

I asked you for some lunch money, and you gave me a dollar? Your benevolence always touches my soul! ~ Anonymous

Oh, come on! I am not being sarcastic with you. You really sing well… In fact, you sing better than the wretched crows in my neighborhood! Damn those crows… ~ Anonymous

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two. ~ Anonymous

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx

You’d be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth. ~ Anonymous

Types of People Eye Roll and Heart Eyes I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either. ~ Anonymous

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~ Sacha Guitry

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

Shocked thick guy using modern technology Baby Girl getting a Shot Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. ~ Anonymous

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Not all women are annoying. Some are dead. ~ Anonymous

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~ Billy Connolly

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction. ~ Anonymous

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students! ~ Robin Williams

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ~ Anonymous

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~ Max Kauffmann

Check: Incredible Sad Status For Whatsapp

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question. ~ Anonymous

I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood. ~ J.D. Salinger

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~ Gene Perret

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. ~ Robert Frost

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket. ~ Will Rogers

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? ~ Anonymous

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. ~ Anonymous

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ~ Will Rogers

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. ~ Forrest Tucker

Handsome gangster Portrait of a surprised cat breed Scottish Fold It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy. ~ Anonymous

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. ~ Drew Carey

You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low. ~ Anonymous

Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up. ~ Anonymous

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~ Steven Wright

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. ~ Anonymous

Check: Attitude Quotes And Status (Latest Collection)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Anonymous

I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job. ~ Jarod Kintz

I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you. ~ Anonymous

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. ~ Anonymous

You know there’s just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person! ~ Anonymous

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. ~ Patrick Murray

Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted? ~ Anonymous

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I are not sure about the universe. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. ~ Stephen Bishop

Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! ~ Groucho Marx

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. ~ Cecilia Egan

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. ~ Joan Crawford

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ~ Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. ~ Groucho Marx

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. ~ Woody Allen

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ~ Henny Youngman

You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate! ~ Anonymous

Read: Sad Quotes About Life

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ Groucho Marx

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. ~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. ~ Joey Adams

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than

electronic banking. It’s called marriage. ~ James Holt McGavran

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”

“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”

“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”

“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”

“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”

“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”

“You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.”

“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”

“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”

“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”

“Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”

“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”

“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”

“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

Check: Good Morning Quotes

“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”

“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”

“You sound better with your mouth closed.”

“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”

“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”

“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”

“I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”

“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Fighting with me is like being in the Special Olympics. You may win, but in the end, you’re still a retard.”

“Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”

“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”

Read: Top 50 Best Collection of Funny Whatsapp Status

“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”

“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”

“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”

“Life’s good, you should get one.”

“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”

“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”

“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”

“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”

“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”

“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”

“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”

“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

Check: Good Status For Whatsapp

“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”

“Find your patience before I lose mine.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”

Related Posts

Alone Quotes And Lonely Feelings

50+ Meaningful Quotes For You

Latest Collection of Whatsapp Status Love 2018

Whatsapp Status About Life In English

100+ Whatsapp Friendship Status

#WhatsappStatus #WhatsappLoveStatus #WhatsappSadStatus #LoveStatus #SadStatus #WhatsappStatusHindi #AttitudeStatusHindi #Shayari #LoveShayari #SadShayari #MeaningfulQuotes #EmotionalStatus