#never gonna dekete this

[claarine]

❥ ⿴ 𝖲𝗉𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝗋 𝖽𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗄 . . . _?! 𝟶𝟷

Answers.

Menurutku semua anak Manhattan vibesnya positif karena nggak ada yang julid atau ngomongin jelek soal orang lain. Jadi aku pilih semuanya positif!

"Sometimes life isn't always going in your way. All the ups and downs are to make you grow, learn and become stronger."

Jennie Kim.

@Taohyung, my roman empire.

How can I love the heartbreak when you are the one I want? — Akmu

Bertemu orang-orang aneh.

Asking basic questions so I could see through their answers. I can tell whether we are match or not.

She is an all-rounder, an Ace, multitalented idol.

Sleep, trying to have fun by myself, sleep again, listening to my playlist 24/7.

Cek jawaban nomor 5!

Nggak ada sih...

PASTINYA JOIN. In fact, i couldn’t wait for the second season and what are they gonna bring to the table.

Pengen deket sama semuanya!

I think everyone did a good job portraying their muse, but I am gonna say my bf Taohyung, Clai cyizhuo and Miu bdanielle.

Semuanyaaaa!

Axelio Theodore Evans.

🍷 w/ my boyfriend

All of them are cool and give off different vibes. Jenny with her jamet vibes, Chuck with his random vibe, Serena with her enjoyable personality, Dan with his barely show up vibes and Blair with her mother vibe.

{is tagging Havian!}

Sadgirl : Yejdi — Sadboy : Yoonovh

Cantik : Semua cewek. Ganteng : Taohyung

Azel, Yosh, Havian, Cherine, Cer, Osi!

Azeeeel!

Taohyung

Azel.. 😭

I... don't know? I have never done that. I mean, why would i chase? I never chase...

I believe there is nothing impossible in this world. Unless that person already has someone special, why not try to shoot your shot? Or else, yaudah lupain aja.

The one for Vogue Korea which just release awhile ago.

No one. I love being myself.

I think mencuri username teman dekat sendiri is the peak of weird.

The way they handle a problem, the way they explain things, their personality and how they react to other people.

I think I had, once. How to handle it? I get rid of it.

Play.

My boyfriend and 777 girlies.

Nope. It is what it is.

To be loved by my current boyfriend. I have never felt so much love before and now i get a chance to feel it. How lucky i am.

Someone manipulative. 🥱

To be involved with those devils. Ewh.

Jadian sama pacarku sekarang.

SAYAAAAANG BANGET. I love Jennie so much, I will protect her no matter what.

They did a very good job!

All the positive vibes, no julid, no drama, no cepu.

Yinjoo, myvui, Osi.

Reuby, Vickoy, Janer, akun CA.

Look at 37.

My boyfriend, My Axelio.

I miss my boyfriend. That's all.

I hate my bf.

I don’t play anything since {i am at work}

I don't even have one. 🥰

Have a chat with my boyfriend, doing lovey-dovey, cuddle, kiss, etc.

Mie pedes setiap hari juga engga apa sih. Or nasi goreng yang pedes sama telur! Uhm yummy.

My boyfriend, my 777 girls, my fams.

(Attached.)

To meet all the good people here, to meet my boyfriend and be in so much love with him. To love and to be loved.

Amazing!

I am so lucky to have you in my life and i never once stop loving you. I hope for the only happiness that surrounds our path, Taohyung.

Sherlock Holmes BBC version!

Skip time and take a look at my future obviously. I was wondering what am I in the future.

Silent... A big silence. And sleep.

[wannabeehughes]

i don't play roe since a month ago but party!twin and mira are #soulmates

[famaannary]

Pieces of Expiration

Normally, aku mimpi setiap tidur. Yes, setiap tidur, is it healthy? I don’t know. But most of the nights, I get to control those dreams. Not last night though. Aku mimpi, with all the fuck up situation with certain people currently, I was walking di suatu gang dan suddenly BAM!! Papasan sama The Dude. And it was surprising because he looked older than he was supposed to. And we just talked and talked and talked. Not gonna lie, parts of me kinda miss the feelings I had. Dan ya, I know exactly why. Because it was a rollercoaster. Get it? Naik, turun, cepet, excitement, adrenaline rush. That’s what it was.

So gue bangun tidur dan lega karena itu semua mimpi, otherwise how would I explain to my husband that I accidentally met The Dude and got into talking LOL. Setelah gue bangun, gue play spotify, yes.... songs yang justru tambah ngingetin. Lalu gue buka suatu platform media sosial yg punya sedikit jejak. Lucu... banget... learning the fact that ketika back then gue menyalahkan dia for offering me the roller coaster ketika gue sendiri yg menginginkan itu. Traces won’t lie. Deket sama dia, bosen, deket sama orang lain, enjoy, either dia/gue yg ngehubungi lagi, ninggalin orang lain, deket dia lagi, and repeat. And wow... Dulu gue pikir dia jahat bgt deket sama cewek di sela2 putus sama gue, dan ninggalin cewek2 itu right when gue ingin dia balik or dia ingin balik. But hello?! I was just the same. Bedanya gue gapernah tau cowok2 ini ngerasain apa because I never asked and they are cowok!

But yeah, I did deserve him. Cause I wasn’t any better. Thank God it was in the past.

And relieved that I am probably better now. Because just after I did all that, my dearest husband came to me. Yes, setiap pagi dia bangun duluan, dia nyiramin tanaman, ngopi, and then sekitar jam 7 dia masuk lagi ke kamar just to check gue udh bangun atau belum, kalau gue udh bangun dia akan bilang “eh baby udh bangun” dia akan cium2 gue yang bikin gue tambah bangun karena mengganggu, and keluar lagi melanjutkan aktivitas berkebunnya. Oh God... he’s indeed the very best! Love my husband with all my life!!!

[ayudyahpermatasari]

(9) In Love

Kami mulai mengenal satu sama lain pelan-pelan. Membangun chemistry, mengumpulkan cerita-cerita. Dari yang awal Eric masih agak cuek sama aku sampe dia jadi yang perhatian banget. Ngga butuh waktu lama sebenernya untuk mulai merasa nyaman, aman dan percaya sama Eric. Bisa dibilang kita escalated quickly. Pasti ada lah di awal-awal deket ngerasa ‘kok Eric gini sih kok Eric gitu sih’ tapi aku mencoba ngobrol, speak up dan menuangkan segala apa yang ada di pikiran, dan jawabannya selalu ngga pernah mengecewakan. Aku pun belajar banyak dari Eric, aku pun juga yakin Eric belajar banyak dari aku.

Dan ini foto pertama kali nya sama Eric setelah drama tak berujung itu hahaha. So happy! Credit to Putri temen SD yang ngefotoin di kota tua. Seneng banget rasanya perasaan ku dibales walaupun aku harus merasakan perjalanan yang berliku-liku, ups and downs. Aku pun juga sebenernya orangnya ngga pendendam, maksutnya aku juga cepet healing and recovery nya. Toh dari semua cerita-cerita kemarin ngga semua salah Eric. Aku belajar kalo jangan terlalu berharap sama manusia, ujung-ujungnya emang pasti kecewa. Kalo kita berdoa dan minta sama Allah, udah keliatan kan penghujung ceritanya seperti apa?

Setelah beberapa waktu dekat dan serius sama Eric, akhirnya aku cerita apa aja yang aku rasakan dulu. Mulai dari aku sebenernya udah suka sama dia dari lama dan yang terakhir aku ngerasa Eric kaya tarik ulur. Yang pasti dia kaget. Aku tau dia ngga akan pernah bermaksud untuk menyakiti siapapun, aku juga yakin kalo dia tau aku sakit hati, dia ngga akan pernah mau melakukan itu. Tapi yaudah lah ya udah cerita lama, rasa penasaran ku udah reveal semua sebenernya. Kenapa Eric dulu kaya gitu ya karena dia masih bingung. Kaya masa transisi setelah putus menuju ke Eric’s Zone (kata Eric ye). Eric juga ngga pernah ada maksud untuk pedekate ke aku atau suka sama aku, ngga ada sama sekali. Ya emang pure dia gitu aja emang. Yah tiap orang beda-beda kan caranya untuk dewasa. Mungkin cerita-cerita yang aneh kemarin, cara Eric supaya dewasa dan aku pun juga seperti itu. Secara langsung ngga langsung kan kita jadi menghargai diri sendiri dan orang lain.

Aku langsung yakin waktu itu kalo kita sepakat mau menikah. Tapi ya ngga langsung ya. Walaupun orang tua kita udah saling kenal dan ngga ada halang rintang masalah keluarga. Pokoknya kita slow but sure lah. Karena kita semua tau life after marriage itu ngga mudah, dan aku pengen kita kompak, encouraging each other, ya karena kita satu tim bukan individual lagi. Mengenal pelan-pelan itu penting banget buat ku. Walaupun aku udah suka lama sama Eric, pernah jalan bareng, ternyata masih banyak juga yang harus aku pelajari dari Eric.

Mungkin ada beberapa orang yang ngga perlu kenal lama dan langsung memutuskan untuk menikah. Sayangnya aku ngga berani kaya gitu. Aku bukan takut, i anticipate. Manusia itu unik dan aku menikmati caraku mengenal Eric. 

Eric orangnya kaya gimana sih?

Sabar banget. Perhatian. Ngga pernah marah. Itu yang umum aja ya. Yang istimewa buatku, dia beda banget sama orang lain. Tulus dan berbesar hati. Dia ngga pernah peduli sama apa yang terjadi di media sosial nya dia. Aku senang banget karena dia termasuk orang yang ngga attach sama media sosial. Karakter nya dia yang luar biasa yang bikin aku jatuh cinta sampe sekarang. Rendah hati dan humble luar biasa. Kalo dia mau show off, dia bisa karena punya modal tapi dia ngga pernah melakukan itu sama sekali.

Tapi sayangnya, sifat cuek pasti masih ada. Contoh yah kaya dia ngga pernah ngasih kejutan, ngga pernah ngasih hadiah kalo ngga aku yang minta duluan. Hahaha yaudah ngga papa not a big deal sih tapi kadang kesal juga.

What so special again about him is he’s stop smoking because he knows he’s gonna marry me! Dia udah berhenti ngerokok setaun lebih Alhamdulillah. 

And this is the first time Eric gave me flowers. Bukan bunga premium dan mahal sih tapi kan yang penting niat nya yegaaaak hahaha.

Selama in a relationship, aku sering banget ditinggal pergi dinas keluar kota. Coba kalo ke luar negeri kan aku pasti suka nitip-nitip, ngga nitip ding kalo nitip duitnya dibalikin, kan ini engga. HAHAHAHA

Ini beberapa foto pas Eric lagi dinas + sekalian liburan. Hahaha w lupa ini di pantai apa sih ya. Pokoknya jauh dan mahal dah kesananya. Dia beruntung banget sih bisa kesana gratis gitu huf. Apalagi sampe bisa ngumpulin miles Garuda yang buanyak karena saking seringnya pergi-pergi. Sampe sekarang pun kalo ditinggal pergi tetap sedih. Tapi tetap mendoakan dan harus support terus!

Eric adalah definisi sesungguhnya ‘never judge the book by its cover’ dia partner julid ku yang paling seru, tapi selama julid itu dia ngga pernah julid-in orang karena fisiknya, atau apa yang dia pake. Kecuali dia tau yang dipake orang misalnya kaos oblong harga jutaan, karena dia pernah tiba-tiba ngomong gitu ke aku hahahaha gemes yha. Aku juga yakin Eric memutuskan serius sama aku bukan dari penampilan ku, karena kalo itu jadi alasannya dia, kayanya udah dari dulu Eric flirting dan melakukan segala tindakan-tindakan laki-laki ganjen. BUT HE’S NOT! GOOD JOB, BEP!

Eric is surrounded by warm hearted people. Aku udah kenal sama sebagian teman-temannya dia and i am feeling so grateful for him. Aku bersyukur banget Eric punya teman-teman yang baik. Teman-teman yang baik termasuk rezeki kan. Ingat, ketika kita pengen menilai seseorang, lihat siapa teman-temannya.

Eric ngga pernah sama sekali juga komentar atau beropini tentang penampilan ku. Mau aku dandan medok apa bare face sekalipun kaga peduli dia. Mau aku pake baju warna warni norak atau dari atas ampe bawah pake warna item semua, ngga pernah komen apapun. Dia memberikan aku space untuk aku bereksplorasi dengan diriku sendiri. Ngga pernah sama sekali ngelarang ini itu, beneran memberikan aku ruang untuk mencari jati diri. 

I am so in love with him and my feelings for him are growing stronger from time to time.

Thank you, Eric for everything. Literally!

[norwegian-salmon]

Hi, will you give me the chance to re-introduce myself?

Hey, you. I know that you’ll take this as a cringe gesture as fuck. But honestly i really don’t know how to take care of the mess that i’ve caused beside doing this.

You know really well that i’m not good with talking or saying the right words, right? But actually when i’m writing things down, especially in this tumblr. This is the real me and every words will come out as easy as a booger come out of our nose.

First thing first, lemme say this quickly tho. Welcome to my sanctuary place, Elang. In here you can see what’s really inside my head, because this is the place where i pour everything that’s been stuck and bugging on my mind. You can go scrolling through the bottom of this page if you want to read it all. Well  perhaps you can stop when you reach the picture of me and my junior high friends because after that pict you’ll just see postingan tumblr a la a la yg ku reblog disini. 

Because of the mess that i’ve caused, will you give me the chance to re-introduce myself? hopefully your answer will be yes.

Hi, my name is Tiara Syafitri Putri. I have a lot of nicknames, every school that i’ve gone to always give me a new nickname. Mulai dari SD orang2 mostly manggil aku tiara/tir tapi sejak kelas 4 SD temenku ngasih panggilan Titarax, udh kaya kalpanax aja nama w, i know it’s super riddiculous nickname yg akupun gatau alesannya kenapa dia manggil aku itu. Katanya biar keren aja, yaa you know lah anak-anak SD pinggiran jaman-jaman alay kaya apaan.

Next, when i was in junior high. I’ve got a crush on someone named Ghalib. Idk why but i’m always attracted to someone that has been labeled as “the fun guy” orang yang selalu dianggap sebagai penghidup suasana yang selalu bisa aja bikin semua orang ketawa atau join in the convo. Someone just like you ehe. Yaa long story short, meskipun sempet hampir di tembak di Taman Lalu Lintas kemudian akhirnya gajadi, tau-tau minggu depannya doi jadian sama orang lain. This guy give me a nickname “Teteh Tiara” dan yaa jadi ada beberapa temen SMP ku yang sampe sekarang kalo ketemu manggilnya “Teteeehh” kecuali  4 dari 6 sahabat2ku waktu SMP manggilnya tetep ti/tir.

Annnd this is the last nickname that i have from when i was in high school. Well you actually already know the story. The nickname is Botir alias bocah tiara/bola tiara karna temen-temenku waktu kelas X menganggap aku kaya bocah pas lari-lari dan aku bulat katanya, padahal waktu itu aku belum segendut skrg lol.

Okay enough about nicknames, aku lahir di Bandung tgl 1 Februari 1997 di RS Boromeus, jam 18.30an dan dulu hampir dinamain Maghribi karna lahirnya pas maghrib. Untung tidak jadi. Nama Tiara itu diambil dari nama Ibu + ayah, ti dari tuti arnya dari suharto, a di akhir cuman imbuhan aja biar ada jejak sundanya katanya karna kalo nama kakakku jawa bgt. Aku punya kakak 1 orang, namanya Tito Septianhadi Putra, dia 3 tahun diatasku yg mana kelahiran 94 berarti. And he was born on the same month as you, 21st of September to be exact. He had a girlfriend named Sariva dipanggilnya ipeh, and she’s younger than me karna dia kelahiran 98 which is why i never call her “ka”

Ujung-ujungnya w bahas nama lagi he maafkan. 

Rumahku di kompleks pharmindo yg mana cuman 3 km jaraknya dari rumah kamu, used to live in Jl Borobudur 5 no 8A yang kemarin aku liatin di google street. But there are few things that might cause my family to move from there dalam waktu dekat. Let’s pray that the new place won’t be far from here so we can still say that we live close to each other.

Now it’s gonna be about the stages of life that i’ve been through. Schools.

Aku TK di TK dayanusa tahun 2001an mungkin, been offered to go straight to elementary school but i reject it because my brother goes there for 2 years, and i simply wanna go through the same thing as him. I used to adore him so much tho back then. Meskipun sampe skrg juga i still adore him, tapi udh ngga sampe yang memaksakan harus melewati fase hidup yg sama persis kaya dia.

SD di SDN Tunas Harapan 2003 - 2009, this is where all the drama happens. You can read one of my posts in here for more details. Because this drama have been the root of my trust issue and the problem that i’m always having when i’m making new friends, and how to maintain everything with an old friend.

SMPku di SMPN 2 Bandung 2009 - 2012, been the greatest time of my life. Bahkan sekarang aku sampe mikir apa jangan-jangan golden age aku itu waktu jaman smp ini??? Karena everything is so great in here, temen-temennya, kehidupannya, kerajinan akunya. I really love those times. Ada drama pun emang drama kehidupan yg mostly ttg love life tai kucing tapi SERU ABIISSS.

SMA as you already know it di SMAN 3 Bandung 2012 - 2015, not really much of a great time karna hidupku dipenuhi dengan belajar - bimbel - belajar. Dan disini kayanya masa-masa love life ku kaya tai alias yaudah gitu-gitu aja dan pernah jadi periode terlama bgt dimana aku ngga deket sama cowo sama sekali.

Terakhir, one of the mess that’s causing everything turns out to the current situation.

Unchpad, almamaterku tercinta~ the place where i actually might meet you in real life. Aku salah satu member di FK Unpad angkatan 2015. Lulus S1 tahun 2019 bulan Februari, dan selesai belajar disini 2021 Februari kemarin. Dan sekarang aku sedang menjalani masa pre-internship di RS Siloam. 

You know what, after i wrote all this things down, my mind got clearer about the reason why i’m not trying to stop all the lies that i’ve been telling you from the start. One of the reason is that because your brother is also a doctor, and i admit that i’m such a coward because i’m afraid that you might not wanting to be friends with me if you know that i’ve been lying about few things.

The reason why i lie about my batch or age, goblok bgt emang gue, alesan gue sesimpel karna gue mau mencoba fit in sama lo semua waktu di unpadfess. Karna waktu pertama gue join dan ngobrol sama orang orang, ada salah satu yg join angkatan 14 dan jadinya itu ditreat sangat dituakan gitu. Terus waktu perkenalan kan kita hanya ngasih clue ttg prabu angkatan kita. Aku bilang “prabu dengan abah iwan” karna kukira yg ada abah iwannya angkatan aku doang. Ternyata di 2017 pun prabunya ada abah iwan. Dan yaa kegoblokan dan ketololan gue, adalah gue mikir yaudah iya iya aja dah, belum tentu juga gue bakal temenan atau ketemu sama orang orang disini.

I never thought that you will stay by my side till this point lang. Back when you said that “yaudahlah ya ra kita gini dulu aja sampe enek” my mind keep telling me that after all of that you’ll leave in like probably 2 weeks at most. You know what, maybe the reason why i keep lying is not because i don’t trust you. The problem is me, after everything that i’ve been through until now. I learned that people do really come and go. But my mind is taking it too seriously, causing myself to always think “ah anjir paling bentar lagi juga lo pergi” “this is all too good to be true, i don’t deserve this kind of happiness. Just watch and remember, in a short time this guy will also leaves you all alone lol” “both of you are not going anywhere, the situation will turns out just like what happened in the past, he’ll leaves without taking a glance back at you Tir. Well you just don’t deserve to be loved by a guy as nice as elang Tir. He treats all of his girl friends the same as you so you better be prepared if it turns out that he doesn’t have any feelings toward you at all”

And one of the biggest reason why i keep lying probably because my mind think that i’m the only one that started to develop any feelings for you, for us, when we were back in Nangor. Wow my mind is actually a fucked up mess.

Elang, let me get into a conclusion about all of this for you. Please know that the problem is not you, not that i don’t trust you. The problem is me. It all just me and my fucked up mind.

Hopefully this shitty writing might helps in telling you what’s going on and what’s really on my mind, and i hope i don’t waste this chance to re-introduce who i really am to you in vain.

i might write another post after this, but yea i think this is enough for now

[crapshire]

Crossroads, which way to take?

Lo pasti pernah ada persimpangan jalan kan? Be it perempatan or pertigaan, dengan lampu merah yang gak kunjung berubah jadi hijau, nunggu 20 detik aja kok rasanya lamaa banget. 

In life there are plenty of crossroads. We be meeting them every single time even if we hate to. I could say that life is a series of crossroads. Once you choose a certain path, you go straight only to find another crossroad is waiting at the end of the line. Each road represents a path that we might take and often we are faced by many (or too many?) in front of us. And the problem is always the same. The quandary of choosing which road to take. 

Nyatanya memilih jalan mana yang harus ditempuh di suatu persimpangan hidup (anjay) gak semudah lurus atau ambil kiri/kanan di persimpangan deket rumah. 

When being faced with a lot of options, people often have difficulties picking their choice. I have read about people in their 20s and their dilemma of making decisions for themselves on this age. This is due to the fact that we feel like we have a lot options ahead of us and choosing one would close the doors at other options available. Therefore, banyak yang ngerasa umur 20an itu waktunya bersenang-senang, eksplor aja semua yang bisa dieksplor, gak perlu lah mengambil suatu keputusan yang berat yang kemudian mengharuskan kita untuk komit pada pilihan itu. Sampe bagian kata “dieksplor” kalimat barusan bener. Sisanya salah.

Menurut buku yang gue baca (yang gue lupa namanya apa), justru anak muda (the 20s) harus buat keputusan. Masa 20an adalah masa “akselerasi” yang akan menentukan ke depan hidup lo akan jadi apa. Wasting time and opportunities aren’t preferable. If you want to grow, you have to pick  and commit to something. Pilih arah lo mau kemana dan jalanin. Even if you fail dan ga cocok di tengah jalan, at least lo jadi tau jalan mana yang memang tidak diperuntukkan untuk lo but it’s really never for nothing. If you cannot make up your mind, you’re just gonna stand there at the crossroads. Di persimpangan jalan. Mundur malu. Maju enggan, Belok juga gak yakin. Yang ada lo stuck, ga buat progress apa-apa. Even if you’re unsure of the path you’re taking, you’re already taking a step forward by choosing. 

So yeah, ini semacam disclaimer untuk diri sendiri. Yo girl’s gotta make up her mind. Sekarang, bukan nanti-nanti kalo umur udah menapak 25 ke atas. Of course, it’s easier said than done. I am still struggling every time :) BUT IM TRYING OK SO GOOD HEAVENS PLS SPARE ME LIFE

akhir kata, semoga tulisan ini ada hikmah buat yang baca

kalo gaada, yaudah. 

makasih aja udah baca.

xoxo

[sekisah]

What I Wish I Knew

Halo. Akhirnya weekend, wkw. Akhirnya ngerti kenapa banyak karyawan nunggu banget yang namanya weekend. Dulu pas masih sekolah atau kuliah tuh ngga begitu nunggu banget, mungkin karena Sabtu sama Minggu juga masih tetep dipakai kegiatan kali ya, jadi rasanya sama aja L

Sebenarnya cuman pengen nulis apa yang sedang lewat di otak aja, sih. Di magangku yang sekarang, aku jadi angkatan yang paling tua. Lainnya tuh kalau ngga semester 7 ya semester 5. Nah, it got me thinking akan beberapa hal yang cukup aku sesali sih, dan akhirnya malah merembet mikirin beberapa hal yang aku cukup sesali selama kuliah kemarin. Yaudah, sekalian dibikin tulisan aja, hehe.

1.       Do your research

Aku dulu ngga terlalu memperhatikan hal ini. Aku cuman ngga pengen kuliah di deket rumah aja, karena kenangan dibully pas masih kecil tuh beneran membekas banget, even sampai sekarang. Terus karena di Jogja udah ada UGM, akhirnya mikir universitas lain yang setara atau lebih bagus dari itu. Kepilih deh tuh universitas di Depok, tanpa aku telusuri lebih lanjut prodinya gimana, suasana di sana kek gimana, biaya tinggalnya berapa, dan lainnya.

Mungkin karena efek dari guru BK SMA juga kali ya, yang keliatannya pengen banget memigrasi semua anak SMAku ke UGM, wkwk. Even dari kelas 1 semester 1 aja kami sudah ditekankan masalah SNMPTN dan milih prodi, padahal blm juga kepikiran bakalan jadi apa.

Aku cukup seneng karena akhirnya malah masuk di kampusku yang sekarang. Salah satu alasannya karena bisa ngambil 3 konsentrasi, di saat kampus lain cuman bisa ambil 1. Aku ngerasa dengan demikian, aku lebih fleksibel dan memperlebar kemungkinan aku untuk bekerja. Kayak misalnya sekarang, aku lagi magang yang berkaitan dengan kepenulisan. Bekal ilmu di kelas jurnalistik beneran kepake di sini. Kemarin, pas lomba podcast, bekal ilmu masalah penulisan naskah sama latihan penyiaran beneran kepake.

Sayang aja sih kenapa dulu aku mikirnya universitas yang bagus tuh cuman di jajaran top 3, padahal bisa jadi aku ngga fit in ke sana atau apa yang mereka tawarkan ngga sesuai dengan apa yang aku mau. Kalau dulu research lebih serius, mungkin aku bakalan bisa mengoptimalkan kesempatanku dan ngga harus pusing 2 bulan karena ngga dapet-dapet kampus.

2.       You will find hardship

Ini salah satu yang baru aku sadari pas akhirnya ngekos, sih. Pas SMA aku juga ngekos, cuman karena jarak ke rumah masih lumayan deket, akhirnya aku lebih sering pulang ke rumah kalau beneran capek. Pas SMA permasalahannya juga itu-itu aja, wkw.

Aku baru ngerasa ‘kok hidup gini amat ya’ pas udah kuliah. Harus beneran bisa ngatur keuangan, ngatur waktu, dan siap dengan kemungkinan-kemungkinan terburuk.

Aku pas semester 1 sering banget cuman makan sekali sehari biar bisa jajan. Sering juga ngga tidur cuman buat ngerjain tugas, padahal sebenarnya kalau mau nyicil ya bisa selesai on time tanpa harus begadang. Aku juga sering banget sakit, kek masalah yang berkaitan ama lambung dan kulit, karena ngga merawat diri dengan baik dan males bersih-bersih.

Dan aku juga ngga siaga dengan kemungkinan terburuk yang mungkin terjadi. Kosanku dulu kan emang tempatnya agak di bagian bawah gitu, beda sama kampusku yang berada di atas bukit. Tiap hujan, otomatis airnya bakalan ngalir ke bawah, dong. Pernah suatu hari, hujan gedhe banget, kamarku kebanjiran dadakan dan mengharuskan evakuasi secepatnya, wkwk. Itu beneran ngga terduga sih.

Kejadian lainnya misalnya pas kosanku kemalingan. Kosanku emang ngga pernah dikunci gerbangnya, dan pada waktu itu emang lagi marak maling motor. Nah, ternyata gerbang kosanku lupa ditutup lagi sama yang terakhir balik malam itu. Paginya, ada motor yang ilang, untungnya bukan motorku.

Tapii, pas aku mau pergi, aku menemukan bahwa bagian kunci motorku udah rusak. Kayaknya malingnya berusaha untuk ngambil motorku, cuman karena stangnya dikunci, akhirnya ngga jadi. Tapi kan bagian itu udah terlanjur rusak, jadi yaa motornya ngga bisa digunakan, wkw.

Akhirnya aku harus dorong motor ke dealer terdekat. Remember, aku harus menaiki bukit untuk bisa ke bagian depan kampus buat ke dealer motornya. Aku juga harus beli ganti bagian yang rusak itu tadi, yang harganya nyampe 500 ribu J

Aku mana ada uang waktu itu. Akhirnya harus nunggu kiriman uang, karena aku juga ngga berani cerita ke orangtua kalau motornya hampir dimaling. Aku ngga ada motor selama seminggu, sampai akhirnya ditelpon sama pihak dealer dan dibilang kalau harus segera ganti sebelum mesin motornya rusak karena kelamaan didiemin. Hehe.

Hal-hal kayak gitu beneran ngga aku antisipasi pas awal kuliah. Kalau misalnya aku mau mengurangi jajan dan berusaha nabung, kayaknya sebagian besar permasalahan hidupku di awal kuliah bakalan kerasa lebih ringan.

3.       Mending magang ketimbang organisasi

Ini yang aku telat sadari, sih. Dulu aku masih santai aja ketika temen-temenku magang mandiri, yang ngga diwajibkan sama kampus. Aku mikirnya bekal dari organisasi udah cukup buat kerja besok, jadi yaa ngapain repot nambah pekerjaan.

Ternyata engga. Kerasa banget pas nyari lokasi buat magang akademik kemarin, aku ditolak 32 perusahaan dan akhirnya harus lewat jalur belakang dan ujungnya malah ngga dapet apa-apa karena ngga ada pembagian tugas yang jelas juga dari mereka.

Sebenarnya ngga cuman magang aja sih, tapi lebih ke ‘kenapa aku ngga mencoba untuk mengembangkan diri di luar organisasi’. Mencoba hal kayak lomba, ikutan konferensi, ikutan penelitian, atau kegiatan praktikal lain yang beneran ada bobotnya di CV nantinya. Organisasi tetep penting, tapi pengalaman profesional menurutku bobotnya lebih gedhe.

Sekarang aku sadar kalau organisasi tuh bakalan nerima kamu as long as kamu bisa kerja. Why? Ya karena mereka membutuhkan sumber daya. Mereka yang butuh tenaga buat tetep jalan. Mereka yang butuh duit iuran, tenaga, dan waktu dari anggotanya. Jadi, yaa, asalkan lo bisa itu semua, masuk organisasi bukan sesuatu yang amazing.

Aku juga agak menyesal sih 2019 kemarin memutuskan lanjut nge-BEM. Ngga yang 100% menyesal sih (karena aku jadi bisa ketemu staf-staf paling keren selama aku nge-BEM, bisa ngeliat perkembangan proker, bisa tahu gimana adek-adekku bertumbuh, dan ada tempat pelarian ketika malas kuliah, hehe), tapi aku ngga mendapatkan personal gain apapun selama nge-BEM di tahun 2019 selain tambah bijak dan nambah temen.

4.       Kehilangan temen itu biasa

Aku cukup shock pas pertama kali bergaul ama temen-temen kuliah. Mereka lebih chill dan ngga membedakan satu sama lain. Aku jadi menemukan lingkaran pertemanan yang nyaman, even menemukan orang-orang yang bisa aku jadikan sandaran.

Temen-temenku pas SDku senang membully, wkw. Bukan anak kelasku, mereka sih baik-baik (makanya sekarang pada sukses), tapi anak dari kelas lain, kakak kelas, dan adik kelas. Hell, aku pas minta doa restu ke guru SD mau ujian kelas 3 SMP aja masih banyak adek tingkat yang ngatain, wkw.

I’ll never tolerate kata ‘banci’ atau ‘mirip cewek’ lagi, sih. Orang mungkin mikir it’s not a big deal, cuman kan mereka ngga tahu apa yang terjadi behind closed door. Gimana keluarga dalam merespon, gimana aku ngga ada temen main, gimana aku jadi beneran sendiri dan ngga punya temen untuk bergantung. Orang mana ngerti how hard it is dealing dengan keadaan selama 15 tahun dan traumanya bakalan appear setiap kali itu kata disebut.

Pas SMP sih udah berkurang, tapi tetep ada. Mungkin karena sekolahku waktu itu RSBI dan tuntutan belajarnya beneran hell, makanya semua orang lumayan fokus ama diri mereka masing-masing. Kalau ngga mau temenan, tinggal menghindar aja.

Pas SMA udah berkurang banget, cuman anak-anak belakang aja paling yang sesekali ngomong. Aku bahkan punya beberapa geng dan masih temenan sampai sekarang. Tapi aku tetep belum menemukan sosok untuk bersandar. Aku sadar kalau urusan teman-temanku juga banyak; kami sama-sama beranjak dewasa dan masih berusaha memahami diri sendiri, banyak tuntutan yang mendadak dibebankan ke kami, urusan percintaan yang ngga jelas, belum lagi pelajaran yang lumayan demanding. Untuk urusan kehidupan, SMA beneran kek tai, tapi temen-temennya menyenangkan semua dan I value them so much sampai sekarang.

Nah, baru pas kuliah ini aku nemu temen yang bisa dijadikan sandaran. Aku cerita banyak hal ke mereka, jalan kemana-mana, seneng bareng, sedih bareng, saling dukung satu sama lain, pokoknya aku ngerasa beneran bisa ‘pasrah’ ke mereka.

Itulah kenapa mentalku beneran kena dampak pas gengku berkonflik di 2018. Kerjaanku cuman kepikiran, nangis, repeat. Padahal aku masih ada tanggungan kuliah sama organisasi. Akhirnya kondisi mental aku beneran kena dampak dan trust issue-ku muncul lagi, organisasi keteteran, IPku juga turun banyak, dan sempet diem-dieman lamaa banget sama mereka. Sampai sekarang, aku masih diem-dieman sama satu orang. I don’t hate him, tapi dia udah ngga ada di hidupku aja.

Mulai saat itu, aku kembali membatasi diri dan berusaha ngga bergantung sama siapa-siapa lagi. Aku berusaha menyelesaikan permasalahanku sendiri dan ngga terlalu menceritakan kelemahanku atau apa yang sedang aku alami. Aku lebih memilih cerita ama temen-temen deketku zaman SMA, sih. Rasanya lebih aman dan nyaman kalau ngomongnya sama mereka.

Daan kayaknya itu langkah yang tepat. Aku jadi lebih bisa melepaskan sahabatku yang membantuku melewati 2018 kemarin. Aku juga lebih bisa melepaskan temen satu gengku dari zaman maba. Aku juga jadi lebih berpikiran dewasa; kami ngga berpisah karena ada apa-apa, tapi emang karena udah ngga sejalan aja. We just grow separately, dan di dalam kehidupan, kayaknya itu adalah hal yang lumrah terjadi.

5.       Love yourself more

Not gonna lie, karena pengalaman dibully itu dan respon yang diberikan lingkungan, aku jadi ngerasa bahwa aku yang salah. Aku yang aneh, aku yang ngga sesuai dengan ‘pattern’ yang ada. Hal itu juga yang akhirnya mempengaruhi caraku memandang diri sendiri; bahwa aku salah, aku aneh, dan aku ngga pantes untuk bisa mendapatkan apapun.

Itu juga yang mempengaruhi permasalahanku selama kuliah. Aku menyalahkan diriku pas kena masalah ketika awal-awal ngekos, aku menyalahkan diriku pas ngga bisa menyelesaikan sesuatu, bahkan menyalahkan diriku pas konflik 2018 itu. I blame myself for everything than happen to me.

Baru 2019 kemarin, ketika bersandar sama diri sendiri, aku akhirnya menemukan kesempatan untuk ‘ngobrol’ sama diri sendiri. Kenapa bisa aku kena masalah, apa yang sebenarnya aku mau, kemana selanjutnya aku akan melangkah, dan sebagainya. Aku berusaha untuk memahami diriku, mengakui kalau memang aku salah, mengapresiasi diri kalau aku berhasil mencapai sesuatu, dan overall berusaha berdamai dengan diri sendiri.

I find myself jarang membanggakan pencapaian yang aku miliki dengan ngomong ‘wah, sangar to aku’ ‘keren banget emang aku’ ‘tuhkan gue gitu loh’ karena I don’t need any validation dari lingkunganku, aku udah bangga sama diriku sendiri. Aku juga makin jarang defensif dengan tindakan yang aku ambil atau kesalahan yang aku perbuat, karena aku sadar bahwa memang aku yang salah dan aku harus bertanggung jawab.

Aku masih beberapa kali nangis kok karena kepikiran banyak hal. Sesekali juga masih menyalahkan diri sendiri. Ya gapapa, berusaha berdamai dengan diri sendiri tuh sebuah petualangan seumur hidup yang menantang dan ngga gampang. One day aku bisa cinta banget sama diri sendiri, one day I hate myself to the core. Gapapa, we still got time.

I hope this note bisa jadi salah satu catatan pengingat bahwa hari esok itu ada dan kesempatan akan selalu datang. Semoga diriku di masa depan bisa looking back ke tulisan ini, ngebaca lagi, dan menyadari seberapa jauh aku sudah melangkah.

I am proud of you. Always will.

[start-from-something]

KKN: Too Sweet To Be Forgotten

Semalam scroll galeri di hp dan lagi-lagi liat foto-foto selama KKN. Foto-foto bareng anak pondoka, anak SD, anak SMP, anak TPA, foto semua momen selama KKN. Terus inget kalo belum pernah nulis sama sekali di tumblr tentang KKN.

Semalem pas lagi liat foto-fotonya itu langsung kangen banget. Parah deh. Langsung melow dan mengingat kejadian-kejadian di balik foto itu. Satu setengah bulan tinggal di desa pesisir Laut Flores, Desa Borongloe, Kabupaten Bantaeng, Sulawesi Selatan. I’ve never imagined my self traveled there. Done everything I’ve never done before and felt everything I’ve never felt before.

Ingat banget seminggu pertama itu masa-masa paling susah adaptasi, kayak nggak terima gitu ditempatkan di desa kayak gini. Nggak terima ditempatkan di pondokan yang kayak gini. Awal-awalnya stres air gak lancar sampe mandi cuma bisa sekali sehari. Pusing gara-gara penghuni rumah ngerokok parah dan kalau ada warga ngumpul ruang tamunya udah ketutup asap rokok. Stres gara-gara kepala desa yang awalnya nyebelin dan bikin males karena semua program yang kita rancang dianggap nggak perlu. Sebel gara-gara standar kebersihan pondokan nggak sama dengan standar kebersihanku sampe kadang bikin jijik sendiri. Plus gemes sama kondisi politik desa yang lagi panas-panasnya karena mau peletakan jabatan kades yang waktu itu kami tinggal di rumahnya.

Tapi itu hanya di awal-awal. Pada akhirnya...

Bersyukur sepondokan sama 11 orang lainnya yang bener-bener support banget, hampir nggak pernah ada crash antar mahasiswa. Walaupun emang kita spaneng banget sampe nggak sempet jalan-jalan (nasib sesubunit sama kormanit? HAHA). Tapi bersyukur juga kalau kami dapet kemudahan transportasi pick up desa yang bisa kita pakai kapan aja selama ga bentrok sama keperluan desa. Bersyukur juga ada dua anggota yang bisa nyetir mobil. Bersyukur karena kita semua orangnya receh dan apapun dibawa enjoy aja. Mencoba ngga spaneng meski sebenernya spaneng. Gimana ngga spaneng coba kalo tiap malem rapat sampe larut dan bikin sering ketiduran di ruang tamu. Bersyukur ketemu dan deket sama anak-anak SD. Bersyukur juga dihadapi sama masalah-masalah teknis yang justru membuat aku banyak belajar. Lama-lama terbiasa dengan kondisi air yang nggak 24 jam ngalir, terbiasa dengan kondisi yang serba terbatas dan belajar untuk survive. KKN is gonna be one of the best thing that ever happened to me in 2019.

Aku kangen KKN dan segala ceritanya. Kangen suasana desa yang adem ayem, polusi sedikit, dan langit malamnya indah banget dan memuaskan hobiku lihat langit malam. Apalagi mandangin langit malam di Pantai Marina pas bulannya lagi bagus-bagusnya, dari bulannya di timur sampe merah dan hilang di sisi barat. Kangen main ke Pantai Bira dan pertama kalinya ke pantai dengan air sejernih dan pasir seputih itu. Kangen Sulawesi. Kangen segalanya.

I promise, when I have enough money and time, I will go back there again. Insya Allah.

Foto ini diambil selepas shalat Idul Adha di lapangan sebelah masjid dan depan SD. Lapangan yang hampir tiap hari aku lewatin dan harus hati-hati lewatnya karena banyak tai kambing berserakan.

[yeahanisa]

A (Not So) Little Story When I Hit My Puberty - 7th Grade

So.. semua orang pasti punya cerita jaman-jaman abg nanggung yang pengen dilupain, tapi susah buat lupa.. even after a decade has passed.

Yep, we’re talking about some so called “puppy love” here. It all began when I was 14 or 15 may be.

First of all, I’m not gonna telling you about some happy ending story, its more likely to be some dramatic and (ironic?). It was not cute at all. And it’s not about how my very first relationship went on. I was trapped in some kind of “friendzone”. That was suck, but somehow, right now, I feel so grateful, so in that way I know I’m on the right way, right track, and right path with right person.

As I was say, it all began when I was 14. Kelas 2 SMP. Tanda-tanda pubertas premier maupun sekunder udah nampak. My body was getting hotter (well, that was my opinion about my thicc body, hahaha).

Waktu itu, gue punya temen laki-laki, and lets call this person “Asuka” (iya iya, nama samarannya gue ambil dari serial Otomen, Asuka Masamune). Si Asuka ini pernah sekali sekelas sama gue, tapi waktu itu, dia punya pasangan, sebut aja Ryu dan pasangannya juga kebetulan sekelas juga sama gue.

Mereka cinlok. Dan biasanya, sesuatu yg instan itu ngga everlasting. Ketika Asuka dan Ryu pacaran pun (that time, berarti gue masih kelas 1), banyak drama yang terjadi. Dari drama mereka, entah kenapa, gue jadi keseret-seret.

Let me clarify, I was not the third-wheel, I am not, and I will never ever ever be!

Gue emang punya kepribadian yg sedikit ekstrovert dan suka bergaul, sama siapa aja. Mau perempuan, mau laki-laki. Cuma sayangnya, gue tumbuh di lingkungan yang bikin gue lebih tau soal hal-hal yang jadi kegemaran laki-laki, kayak sepak bola, motoGP, WWF smackdown, dll. Gue pun menolak dikatakan sebagai cewek tomboy. I was not.

Mungkin stereotype orang-orang soal cewek yang ekstrovert dan banyak tau hal-hal macho ya udah pasti tomboy. Padahal belum tentu. Gue suka hal-hal berbau feminim, like komik-komik cewek, baju-baju cantik, even, gue seneng belanja baju bareng almh nyokap. Sayangnya, sisi gue yang itu, engga pernah keliatan publik.

Gue ngga mencari pembelaan dan pembenaran atas fakta yang udah terjadi dan atas opini yang udah terlanjur melekat di ingatan. Faktanya, ngga ada yang pernah tau, kenapa kebetulan yang tidak menguntungkan selalu terjadi.

Kebetulan yang tidak menguntungkan itu, sering berupa tiba-tiba gue sekelompok kerja sama Asuka, meanwhile ada Ryu yang selalu ngarep biar bisa sekelompok sama pacarnya. Mulai dari bikin kelompok berdasarkan randomized absen, sampe bikin kelompok dari randomized tempat duduk. Bukan gue yang bikin absen di kelas supaya jadi kaya gitu, dan bukan gue juga yang bikin rotasi tempat duduk sedemikian rupa. (Fyi, jaman gue SMP, seminggu sekali, kita duduknya muterin kelas biar ngga ada yang selalu di depan atau selalu di belakang).

I was too young for that drama. And it hurt me, a lot.

Kayak, lo dituduh sebagai pelakor, tapi padahal engga ada laki-laki yang lo rebut atau lo sendiri malah ngga ada niatan lu buat ngambil laki orang. Dan waktu itu, ketika hubungan Asuka-Ryu sudah tidak harmonis, entah karena alasannya apa dan bagaimana, Ryu tiba-tiba jadi dekat sama gue. Tiba-tiba dia meminta untuk “diwakili” sama gue untuk melakukan sesuatu yang ada hubungannya sama Asuka. 

Salah satu kejadiannya yang masih gue inget sampe sekarang adalah waktu libur puasa. Tiba-tiba Ryu (yg baru punya hp), nelpon gue, minta buat sms ke Asuka nanyain kabarnya dia.

Gak make sense, tapi begonya, gue lakuin. 

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To: Asuka (0852*******)

Asuka, apa kabar? Lo mudik ngga?

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Ngga ada tanggapan. Sampe akhirnya abis lebaran, Asuka ngirimin sms Minal aidin dan jawaban atas pertanyaan gue. Dan lu tau apa yang gue lakuin? Gue telpon si Ryu instantly, gue merasa Ryu berhak tau kalo Asuka bales smsnya. Di seberang telpon, Ryu, nyuruh gue untuk bales lagi nanyain hal lain. Tapi kali ini engga gue lakuin. Otak gue sedikit jalan waktu itu, jadi gue kasih aja nomornya Asuka ke Ryu, supaya si Ryu bisa ngobrol sendiri sama orangnya tanpa perantara.

Gue pun sadar sesadar-sadarnya, kalo orang engga bales pesanlu berhari-hari, ada besar kemungkinan kalo dia engga interest buat ngobrol sama lu.

Ngga ada yang tau apa yang terjadi selama liburan, karena gue ngga pernah in touch sama temen-temen sekolah. Tapi, siapa yang tau, kalo gossip di luaran udah menyebar, dengan headline: Asuka dan Ryu tidak harmonis karena gue sebagai biang keladinya. Dan semua orang (semua orang disini yang gue maksud itu berarti temen sekelas yaa) percaya itu.

Even my chairmate. (To my former chairmate, why didn’t you trust me?)

Everyone cares about Ryu’s poor relationship, everyone care about Ryu feeling. But not to me.

Ngga ada yang percaya kalo gue sudah berusaha untuk tidak pernah menjadi orang ketiga di hubungan mereka. Hubungan gue dan Asuka, jauh dari kata dekat. Gue tau, ada hati yang harus Asuka jaga, tapi dia memperlakukan gue jauh.. jauh dari kata humble. Gue selalu mendapatkan tatapan “menjijikan” dari Asuka. Hey, apa salah gue coba?

Mungkin, pada saat itu, gue emang masih bego. Gue tau Asuka engga mau berteman sama gue, tapi gue selalu maksa buat fit in sama dia. Karena gue merasa, gue worth untuk jadi teman.

Jadi, ya sudahlah, jadilah gue dengan label “perusak hubungan orang”.

Semua orang, bahkan yang cewek-cewek, segera setelah masuk sekolah, selalu “menasehati” gue dengan pola kalimat yang sama: 

“jaga kelakuan lo, yul. Kasian Ryu, hargai perasaannya Ryu kalo lu sering deket-deket sama Asuka”

Once again, I was too young for that kind of shitty drama

Dan fyi, ngga banyak orang tau, kalo gue dulu punya penyakit lemah jantung. Gampang collapse kalo ada hal-hal yang bikin gue underpressure.

Satu hari, gue merasa gue udh overwhelmed sama gossip dan omongan orang yang engga bener, sedangkan gue udah merasa engga ada daya dan upaya lagi buat ngelurusin semuanya, collapse lah gue di kelas.

Babak baru dimulai.

Gue yang lagi collapse butuh udara biar engga kayak ikan menggelepar pas keluar dari air, malah dikerubungin masa. Padahal, itu bukan pertama kalinya gue collapse di sekolah.

Ingatan gue samar-samar banget hari itu karena gue sempet blackout. Tapi pas gue bangun dari blackout, udah ada Asuka, Ryu, dan bokap gue di UKS, dan ambulans udah mau sampe ke sekolah.

Like.. what the fucking happen?

Luckily, gue ngga sampe diopname karena gue merasa baikan pas di UGD. Gue udah ngga inget tas, handphone, dan barang-barang gue ada dimana. Yang gue tau, karena kejadian itu, gue harus bed rest seminggu.

Bukan sakit fisik yang gue rasain, tapi sejenis penyakit psikis, orang-orang mengenal penyakit ini sebagai anxiety disorder. Dan baru hari ini, gue ungkapin semuanya.

Anxiety yang gue rasain itu karena gue selalu cemas apa yang akan orang bilang ke gue tentang kelakuan gue. Gue selalu merasa was-was dan takut kalo tiba-tiba diajak ngomong empat mata sama orang, trauma akan kalimat “jaga kelakuan lo”.

Jiwa gue udah bego, lemah lagi. Jadi kesel kalo inget-inget jaman dulu.

Kembali ke sekolah, waktu itu hampir mau pergantian semester ke semester genap. Dengan segala usaha, gue mencoba normal-normal aja, dan bahkan menjauhi diri dari Asuka atau Ryu.

But somehow, not long after that, Asuka and Ryu eventually broke up.

I knew that everyone eye’s on me. Cuma mereka engga berani ngomong di depan gue aja, mungkin takut gue collapse lagi.

Dan tau apa yang bikin drama engga berenti sampe disitu? Karena, tetiba aja, Asuka, secara sadarnya, tiba-tiba berubah sikap ke gue. Jadi dia yang tiba-tiba baik ke gue. Mungkin ini perasaan gue aja sih, tapi faktanya, dia bahkan ngajakin gue nonton bareng sama anak-anak lainnya.

Well, gue emang bukan satu-satunya cewek yang diajak sama Asuka. Asuka ngajak semua cewek, tapi biasanya, dia selalu exclude gue. Sebuah kemajuan, bukan? Tapi, karena gue masih trauma sama omongan orang, gue pilih buat engga ikutan.

Menjelang akhir-akhir semester, Asuka makin humble ke gue. Pulang sekolah hari Sabtu, tiba-tiba aja, kelompokannya dia ngajakin main ke Timezone. Gue, dengan pengetahuan gue yang terbatas, engga tau, kalo Asuka juga ikut (gue pikir Asuka ngga pernah tertarik sama hal-hal kaya gini).

Gue dengan sadarnya, jadi kaku. Jadi ngga enjoy setiap game karena takut omongan orang, apalagi takut ada temen sekolah yang liat kalo ada gue sama Asuka lagi main di Timezone.

But, Asuka, engga menunjukkan kekakuannya ke gue. Ngga kaya biasanya.

Dan setelah kita main hari itu, sepulang sekolah, secara tiba-tiba Asuka sms gue. Ngga penting sih, karena smsnya itu sms-sms lelucon. Tapi gue seneng aja. Akhirnya, Asuka merasa gue worth to be friended. Dan, sebagai ekstrovert sejati, gue menyambut sms itu dengan berondongan sms-sms lelucon lainnya. Meskipun responnya tidak memuaskan.

And that was how the semester ended

[to be continued]

[hitumbs]

J

July 29th 2019, 00:23.

its been 6 months, kita udah deket like for everyday 24hour nonstop kita saling kasih tau kabar ini itu, kegiatan kita sehari-hari, what are we doing, what are we gonna do, apa yang kita alami hari ini, and etc.

kita udah banyak ngelewatin rasa marah, sedih, seneng, kecewa, ketawa, bahagia bareng. i know right, masih banyak yang harus dilewatin, masih ada hari-hari selanjutnya. kita ngejalanin semuanya tanpa tau tujuan sebenarnya.

iya. kita gatau tujuan awal dari ini apa bahkan sampe sekarang we never ever talk about this :)

honestly, aku pengen nanya or talk about this, but im too afraid, kayak apa ya yang bakal terjadi habis kita ngomongin ini?

kayaknya kita sama-sama tau apa yang kita rasain, i mean, you know that i liked you, and i know you liked me. but kita gapernah ngomongin ini secara serius.

please kasih aku kesempatan buat ngomongin ini.

first of all, i dont want to mention him. coz i dont know, he’s just asdfghklj.

i just wanna say,

J, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for everything and the ups and downs,

apalagi tentang aku nangisin 'temennya tamara', maaf banget dan makasih banget, udah selalu nemenin aku pas nangis-nangisin dia, udah bantu aku keluar dari kehidupannya dia, kamu yang nemenin aku buat ngadepin semuanya, dari belajar lupain riko yang mengharuskan aku bilang kayak gitu ke dia, terus masalah 'temennya tamara' juga, dan lain-lain.

but J...

i like you, aku gatau sejak kapan, i mean setelah kita diem-dieman dikelas itu aku nyoba buat B banget dan B aja sama kamu, tapi semakin kesini semakin kayak i dont wanna lose you gitu lo. so wierd.

but ya to the point aja deh ya, aku suka sama kamu, tapi belom sampe ke tahap ‘sayang’ deh kayaknya atau aku sebenernya udah ngerasain tapi aku aja yang gak nyadar? jujur gatau, wkwk.. sumpah weird banget ngetiknya.

but j, kalo kamu masih gatau hubungan ini dibawa kemana, i mean ‘pacaran’ or emang cuma temen, its okay :) i dont wanna push you, kayak gapapa lah kayak gini aja, yang penting ga sama-sama pergi.

aku tertarik karna yaudah tertarik aja gitu, aku gapapa banget kok tanpa status karna aku emang bukan orang selalu minta kejelasan sebuah hubungan, aku bisa ngendaliin semuanya. tapi kalo kamu emang cuma mau ‘gini’ aja please selalu jujur ke aku dan jangan ‘main-main’ sama cewek lain juga.

Aku nyoba buat ga chat atau berhubungan sama cowok lain selain kamu , i mean aku gamau kalo ada cowok lain juga, soalnya kalo kamu tau pasti kamu marah :) but you never do this to me, even aku marah juga kamu gapernah ngelakuin apa yang aku lakuin :).

jadi intinya tuh, kita gapapa tanpa status asal kamu ga chat sama cewek lain juga karna i dont wanna lose you aja gitu..

maaf kalo disini aku sedikit egois, tapi please ngertiin aku juga.

thankyou ♡

[no offense, ya pada intinya Taurus yang baperan dan posesif and Gemini yang fear of commitment dan selalu tebar pesona, bakal susah buat nyatu]

[theoutlierdjournal]

Never thought that travel with children will gonna be awesome! Ndengerin ocehan bocil, lucu juga walau kadang cuman diiya-iyain aja. Walau ditereak-tereakin ama emaknya krn maknya insecure takut anaknya jatoh tapi krn bocil2nya super excited bisa lari-larian di alam, jadinya maknya pasrah aja.

Di alam tuh seru banget! Banyak banget hal yg bisa diceritain, suara tonggeret, pohon-pohon besar, pohon yang tunbang sampai dengan jamur seperti yang sedang saya jelaskan ke bocil-bocil di foto ini, walau entah mereka paham apa nggak 😂

Saat kecil saya gak terlalu banyak bermain ke alam karena ayah saya kurang senang. Palingan hanya anyer atau pantai-pantai saja. Tapi, ibu saya yang menanamkan cinta pada alam yang akhirnya membuat kami, anak-anak, sekarang kalau wisata keluarga akan memilih ke alam. (Well ditambah tinggal di NFBS 6 tahun yg notabene nya hutan sih, haha). Asyiknya, kita punya otoritas penuh untuk menentukan kemana akan pergi untuk jalan-jalan keluarga.

Mulai dari ndaki papandayan, terus keesokannya ke green canyon di pangandaran, lalu tahun lalu merengek minta rafting dan kemping di pangalengan dan yang terakhir kami ke ujung genteng dan sawarna. Karena sekarang udh ada pada bisa nyetir, orangtua saya semakin ayok-ayok aja untuk pergi, tapi semakin dewasa, waktunya yg semakin terbatas, ya :')

Semoga kelak bisa lebih menanamkan cinta pada anak-anak lebih dalam tentang alam dan punya lebihhhhh banyak waktu untuk bermain ke alam walau tinggal di sub-urban area!

Gemay banget cahbocahhhh. Berasa kek ponakan, Padahal masih sepupu deket bangettt. Love these baby!!!!

[itscaramelli]

WHAT'S UP PEOPLE ALL OVER THE UNIVERSE! 🙋🏻🌎💫✨💜 greetings from this long-awaited-and-now-finally-a-fresh graduate with Fashion Business Diploma of LaSalle College International Jakarta!!! all glory with unspeakable gratitude, first and foremost, to the one and only Savior, Provider, source of strength & hope; my Lord JESUS CHRIST!!! 😭😭😭 its been a long-life dream of mine to just get in in LaSalle. and now im even graduated ON TIME from here, I couldn't be more thankful for His grace in every step of the way. to the love(s) of my life; Papa, Mama, Kakak & Jj. I couldn't count how many times I complain about this school, my friends, my living conditions, the weather 😂, the city and pretty much errthang! but againnnn, they're my physical source of joy and comfort. pertama kali pindah jkt, NANGIS TERUS TIAP MALEM SELAMA 2 MINGGU bokkk 😂 pas seteres, maag kumat, selalu ada waktu buat aku to make sure im taken care of. DAD! my best friend, my numero uno go-to person, speed dial number 1. i literally don't know what would i do without you around!!! besides financially supported me on this, you really believed in me ❤︎ you put your whole trust in me knowing that everything's gonna be jusssssttttt fine 😭💜 dari training naik angkot & busway, sampe ke pelosok2 gang2 di jakarta buat nyari kosan yang aman dan deket. i just can't thank you enough for paying attention to the big and little things for me. what i really love from these past 2 years is that how it makes us closer. i'd never thought i could be this close and attached to you, Pah. thank you for being my hero. MOM! yang paling cuek pas aku berangkat ke jkt 😂 gak ngerti juga kenapa smpe akhirnya mama jelasin and now everything makes sense :') remembering those days, you didn't have to do anything to make me miss you. to be honest, you were the one miss the most. thank you for your unconditional love and encouraging words to keep me going. KAKAK! we rarely do any deep talks, but once we do it's really deep 😂 thank you for the unasked advices,for trying to always make me see the bright side of everything and everyone, and of course for your prayers. tho i have people here i consider as my big sisters, you'll always be the best one for me. J 🙄 i remembered that last Sunday i had in Bali, you cried your heart out behind the drums. that was the sweetest thing. thank you for loving and caring for me without even showing it. and oddly im okay with that :) please keep protecting me from the bad guys. to my Bali homies; my big family, tante Ester ❤︎, MSI Bali, ENC core team, BSA family, HIMEE, the Suadikas, the Suryadis, my Princess Boo Cau, TRG, tCO, the Sejatis, the Lienatas 😭💜 thank you for your visible and invisible support. for always and always making me feel like your big baby. aku selalu ngerasa disayang dan di peratiin. ga pernah ga nangis kalo harus ninggalin bali lagi. thank you for loving me 😭😭😭 to my Jakartan family; the Simanjuntaks, the Ganis, the Thomases, the Wowors, the Dinars, ate Charm & cece S! one thing that i cant thank you enough is for making me a part of your family. you didn't have to try, i already feel like the older sister for the little ones here and a daughter of yours. thank you for the warm welcome in 2014 and tagging me along to your family celebrations since then. you all own a special place in my heart. to Ms. H. S.; you are actually an answered prayer for me. i never had to have any more companions since i know you. thank you for existing and being reachable. what im trying to give back to you is nothing compared to what you've done to my life. i know you're not Jesus, but thank you for never turn your back on me no matter how annoying i am. life has been livable with you in it. to C.A.; i wouldn't know how to survive this school without you in it. you're probably the other reason why i want to get up and go to campus everyday. thank you for making college life easier and yet crazier. i never thought id have a lifetime soul mate coming from my college days. you will always be one of my speed dials. to BUBUCACA; kalian semua ayang ayang akuuu! i hope kita langgeng banget sampe tua ❤︎ thank you for existing and making college days even more memorable. makasih buat pertemanan ini. i will cherish it forever. and of course, to LaSalle; my dream. i dreamt about fun art sessions, drawing ideas and various experiments on fashion. but yet i got, sleepless nights, pressuring assignments and unique lecturers😭😂 everything was beyond my expectations. you have taught me more than just what's written on the book and what's displayed on the screen. it's been a heck of a ride and im dealing with a lot of emotions ending it now. thank you for making me, me. nothing that i can do to give back what you all have invested in my life. i am blessed and loved, and forever thankful to have you all to help me be better. now i know graduating from LaSalle is just the beginning; the first biggest dream that came true and the start of the real adventure of my life. i cant wait for what God has prepared for me this year and the years ahead. i've been waiting for this moment, God made me live my dream. so don't ever let other people underestimate your dreams. it's yours, own it like you mean it. tho it doesn't seem possible that you actually start to forget about it, but God won't forget what you said in each of your prayers. ask and it will be given to you. i asked for more surprises this year so, let's see what's more after this! have a sweet day! love, Caramelly.

[ayudyahpermatasari]

(1) How We Met

First of all. I wanna write in detail about Eric and I. Because we’re gonna marry this month so yeah, we’re counting down the days! This is not some kind of random post, actually. I’m just happy memorizing everything about us and decided to write it all down here.

So yeah, how we met. It was October 14, 2014. Almost 5 years ago. Engga sih sebenernya pertama kali ketemu ya pas SD HAHA. Tapi pas SD, sebenernya kita gapernah ngobrol. Seingetku yak haha. Tapi seingetku juga, kita pernah duduk sebangku, tapi kayanya sih cuman sebentar banget. Terus sempet kita dicengin guru waktu itu, bapaknya bilang: “cocok ya ayu sama eric ini, satunya ganteng satunya cantik.” and that was all i can remember so far wqwq. Pas waktu itu sih ya males banget sih dibilangin kaya gitu kan, namanya anak SD pasti kan malu ya. Mana kita ga deket dan ga ngobrol juga. Kalo eric sih jelas gainget kejadian ini, tapi dia bilangnya dia inget kalo pernah pinjem penghapus ku. HAHAHAHA

Okay, balik lagi ke pertama kali ketemu setelah berpisah sekian tahun lamanya ya. Udah kaya tali kasih aja ni ga? Pertama ketemu tuh di kondangan, jadi temen SD ada yang nikah. Kebetulan banget dia dateng waktu itu. Padahal temen satu geng nya dia kaga ada yang dateng. Aku pun dateng karena temen SD aku ini ternyata sahabat baik temen deket kuliahku, Hahaha muter aja emang idup di Malang. 

Ih pas ketemu dong, super kaget karena Eric ber-tranformasi jadi lelaki yang super ganteng. Tinggi, tegap tapi waktu itu cungkring dia HUAHAHAHA yauda lha ya. Singkat cerita ngobrol lah kita dari siang ampe sore pokoknya. Ya gausa bohong lah ya aku pastinya berbunga-bunga banget. Lebih banyak ke kagumnya sih sebenernya. Karena dia lulus tepat waktu, dimana aku belum lulus kuliah waktu itu, dimana juga temen-temen seangkatan ku baru beberapa yang lulus juga, dan Eric udah gigih banget mondar-mandir nyari kerja. I was so in love with his personality, he is so humble and kind dan gatau kenapa sih kaya pas di situ aku yakin aja emang Eric orang nya baik banget. Pernah ngga sih ketemu orang terus kaya magically kita tau aja gitu kalo orang itu orang yang beneran baik, Dan itu sih yang aku rasain pas ketemu pertama kali sama Eric.

Tapi, keadaan waktu kita ketemu itu, i had a boyfriend and he just broke up with his girlfriend dan dia kaya galau-galau gitu lah. Hem and i was like i don’t care anyway and actually hahahaha.

And you know what, i never really forget about what i felt when i first met him. I still remember how happy i was and that feeling is always there until now.

-continued-

[babydocx]

QUESTIONS

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? 

Kayaknya my ex or my dad? Holding hands is an intimate act you can’t do with anybody tbh jd lupa terakhir kapan??

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Both!

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My medschool friend who are scattered all around the country. I’m dying to meet them!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Lumayan, tahan2 aja sm kelupaan gue

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I think so. Tapi 1) alkohol punya metabolit toksik yg ga bisa dieliminasi 2) gue gamau sirosis 3) gadibolehin sm my ex ktnya nanti gue bisa diculik

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

The ones who have big dreams and the determination to achieve it

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Definitely ngga

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Abang tukang nasgor yg tadi nasgornya lupa gue ambil stlh pesan... bodoh

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nope

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Tentu saja my geng regal

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Paradise, We Go Up, Fire Truck, 7th Sense, Candle Light all by NCT

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yep, asal cuci tangan dulu y sblm megang

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I do

15. What good thing happened this summer?

HAHAHAH gue presentasi oral pertama di kongres asia pasifik, mayan deg2an... The best career peak so far sih

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Definitely, wkwkw bandara emang selalu menimbulkan haru biru

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YEP

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

I still do. He’s gonna have a wedding in several months to a beautiful, smart woman so I am happy for him!

19. Do you like bubble baths?

BANGET aku sbnrnya putri duyung

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Rumah Kertabumi iya, rumah Bekasi ngga teralu... 

21. What are you bad habits?

LUPA + procrastinating

22. Where would you like to travel?

Every sea in the world

23. Do you have trust issues?

HAHA punya banget

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Mandi malem sblm tidur

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Hmm my brachimetatarsia kali ya, tapi ya the more mature I am the more I embrace it kok. Thanks to the people who know it and still love me for who I am!

26. What do you do when you wake up?

I check the phone and then stretch

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Lighter plis wkwk tp my skin is beautiful period

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Myself. Makin tua makin ngerasa introvert

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Nope

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I do

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yep

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Wadu not my thing kayaknya? HAHA liar uga

33. Spell your name with your chin.

SUSAH GAN 

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Nggak, aku couch potato. Dulu badminton-an

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV! Music is my life

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

AHAHA belum tahu yg terakhir ini ya.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I don’t make things awkward in the first place

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Someone who can give me a lot of food for thought and do wall climbing with me. Dan tentu aja harus receh sepertiku

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Actually gue jarang banget belanja buat diri sendiri. Banyakan dibeliinnya (?) tapi kalo basic needs ya pasar deket rumah aja

40. What do you want to do after high school?

WKWKKW astaga jd gue daritadi jawabin pertanyaan buat anak sma

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

I do!

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Capek dd/ marah banget dd/ deep in thought

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Tergantung. I smile and wave at children and geriatrics, or ibu2 rempong wkwk

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

OMG CAN I HAVE BOTH :(((( tapi sbnrnya takut ok

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My patients

46. What are you paranoid about?

Zombie, natural disaster HAHAHA

47. Have you ever been high?

Never

48. Have you ever been drunk?

I’d like to but never

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yep

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Pink

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

I wished I was Kim Doyoung, bisa cuddle Jaehyun sama ajak Jeno makan everyday

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My impulsivity

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Ultima

54. Favourite store?

Pasar teluk buyung yhaa

55. Favourite blog?

Ngga punya

56. Favourite colour?

Pink 

57. Favourite food? 

I LIVE FOR PIZZA AND SUSHI AND UDON anjir jd laper

58. Last thing you ate?

Nasi Bebek

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Nasi gudeg/pecel Mbah

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Ngga kayaknya

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Anjir ga jd dokter odng gue

62. Been arrested? For what?

Krn ga bawa sim wkwk konyol

63. Ever been in love? 

Definitely

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

It was sweet peck in the forehead for being the kindest person ever!

65. Are you hungry right now?

Definitely

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Ngga punya temen di tumblr

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Twitter

69. Are you watching tv right now?

NO

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Banyak

71. Craving something? What?

PIZZA I WANT PIZZA since 4 am in the morning

72. What colour are your towels?

Red?

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

No

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Can’t count

75. Favourite animal?

Cats

76. What colour is your underwear?

Not gonna answer wkwk

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Green tea

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

White

80. What colour pants?

Nope

81. Favourite tv show?

Grey’s Anatomy!

82. Favourite movie?

Ngga suka

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Ngga nonton both

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Ga nonton

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Ga nonton

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Tentu nemo

87. First person you talked to today?

Hardya, jam 4 pagi, krn insom middle dan gosip over kerjaan

88. Last person you talked to today?

Mas huda krn minta foto klinis

89. Name a person you hate?

Hmmmm ga ada sih

90. Name a person you love?

Jung Jeffrey plis

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

No currently

92. In a fight with someone?

Nope

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

3 di kertabumi

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

2 di kertabumi, di bekasi gatau

95. Last movie you watched?

A STAR IS BORN

96. Favourite actress?

Jun Ji Hyun, LADY GAGA MY LOVE

97. Favourite actor?

Nam Joohyuk, Lee Jongsuk, Bradley Cooper!

98. Do you tan a lot?

Ngga sih

99. Have any pets?

2 cats!

100. How are you feeling?

I’m feeling tired for answering this questions! I gotta stop here wkwk

101. Do you type fast? 102. Do you regret anything from your past? 103. Can you spell well? 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? 107. Have you ever been on a horse? 108. What should you be doing? 109. Is something irritating you right now? 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? 111. Do you have trust issues? 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? 113. What was your childhood nickname? 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? 115. Do you play the Wii? 116. Are you listening to music right now? 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? 118. Do you like Chinese food? 119. Favourite book? 120. Are you afraid of the dark? 121. Are you mean? 122. Is cheating ever okay? 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? 125. Do you believe in true love? 126. Are you currently bored? 127. What makes you happy? 128. Would you change your name? 129. What your zodiac sign? 130. Do you like subway? 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 133. Favourite lyrics right now? 134. Can you count to one million? 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? 137. How tall are you? 138. Curly or Straight hair? 139. Brunette or Blonde? 140. Summer or Winter? 141. Night or Day? 142. Favourite month? 143. Are you a vegetarian? 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? 145. Tea or Coffee? 146. Was today a good day? 147. Mars or Snickers? 148. What’s your favourite quote? 149. Do you believe in ghosts? 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

[weasterned]

nuestarron.

1. That kind, humble Sunbaenim ! He’s a fun person to talk with and so brother material ! o  v  o 2. Hm— updating Nu'est more often, I guess ? Or is it just because Nu'est has ended their latest promotion;;;; 3. Aron Sunbaenim ! 2018 is near and I hope you will be having a blessed year on 2018 ! I’ll give you some coupon for christmas, I guess ? ㅋㅋㅋ

1. PENYANG, BAIK, SELALU MEMBELA AKU(?), PERHATIAN, SWEET 2. you don’t need to adopt another child :) 3. i barely got to talk to daddy nowadays, i’m sorry ; ; but I hope you’re taking good care of yourself

1. Portray his chara well, kind and talkative. 2. Hyung, I’m sorry I still neglected your mention. Its not like males talking to you but I’m quite busy lately, yet have no time to check mentab. Yawlah sok sibuk betul nde cangkang bajigur? ? ? Iaia aq tahu ! ! ! ! Hyung is the only Aron rps on my timeline. I’m happy to see hyung because I used to be a fan of NU'EST since debut day! Lets be more closer with this gayung martabak, hyung.

1) Eh, we, rarely, talk, this, not, 5, adjectives… 2) We might have talked before but we definitely need to talk a lot more, friend!! 3) Hello, Aron. Happy holidays and happy new year to you, your member, your friends and your family. Have a great 2018! 🙏💜 4) Plus : I think you’re kind? Minus : We rarely interact!! Let’s taaaaaalk

#1 - good listeners - kind - funny - friendly - flirty #2 Aaron Oppa is seems to be nowhere now. I hope he can comeback soon from his busy works and shows up more often! #3 Hello Aaron Oppa! It’s really nice to be close with you. I’m so glad to know you and thankful because you listen to my random thought so well. Sorry if sometimes I could be so loud that makes you confused what to reply more especially when I talk about my problem lol. Thanks for dealing with it. Moreover I hope we can always being a good siblings for each other. Please give more pocket money in the future. Love ya!

handsome, kind, rarely talk with him, friendly, good rper

1. Kind, warm, quiet?, kind, kind. 2. Talk with me more often! 3. Hello! I cant remember you that well bikoz we rarely talk to each other. Lets get closer. Enjoy your xmas and new year!

1. uhh .. uhhh .. ummm 2. obba, we havent talk i guess so .. i dont know about this please foRGIVE MEH ;        ; 3. Dear aron obba, are you iron’s twin?? okay that was lame, but hellu obba, please find me and guess who am i but i really wish we could get closer in the future! ! !

1. ARON OPPA ! guess who’s me? kind. Humble. Crazy. Care. Funny. 2. There’s nothing you have to improve oppa. You’re doing good! 3. Lets go to the game shop!!

1. Bright, friendly, good, humble, rare 2. We havent talk nowadays and you havent online for awhile so, no comment 3. Hello Kwakkie! How’s your 2017? I hope 2018 will be a good year for you and for me too. We havent talk much but lets talk more in the future. Stay warm on this winter and i hope we could be a good friend.

he’s good looking ofc because every man are good looking haha, interesting. let’s have a talk with me bruh arron not laron

He’s nice but kayaknya kita jarang ngobrol. Ayo ngobrol hyung

1. i dont really know him very well, but i think he is a nice person. 2. - 3. Let’s make another convo and get along well in the future!

1. kind, handsome, cool, sometimes calm, sometimes random 2. I really hope i can see you more often! 3. hello aron!! i’m very happy to be able to meet you! even we just met after your promotion as NUEST and you didn’t participate in Produce 101, i really want to be close with you. Sometimes we always meet each other in another events so it would be great if we can be close too, as close as i do to another NU'EST members! Please always be who you are right now! I hope you will have a nice day and keep healthy till 2017 comes to an end!Aron is a nice friend!! Though we havent talked much but i can see he try to be active and interact with others too. Keep that up!

1. we rarely talk, he seems busy but i do think he is a cool hyung with kind personality 2. i hope he can have a good and long talk with me and the others too 3. hi, aron hyung. its been awhile since i met nuest rper again, and its nice to see you! lets talk more next time!

1. Cool, fun, kind, brother vibe, quiet. 2. Please mingle with me, brother. 3. Hello, Aron! Please enjoy the rest of 2017 happily.

1. friendly since i just talk to him once 2. hope we can talk more 3. Marry christmas and happy new year, ah lets get more closer next year so we can have fun year together.

1. who dis? Hahahaha playful, annoying, talkactive, childish, mean 2. Dont be mean to your leader and love him more!!!!!! 3. Dear aron daddy/?, thank you for being the closest aron hyung that i know eventhough youre annoying sometimes lmao. Be a good dad for your soojung princess. I know you really love her.  I look up to you a lot because now i have a daughtie too haha

Aron oppa! He is kind, not that talkative but not that quite either, he seems like a fun person. I rarely see him around, idk is it because I didn’t online that much or is it him that rarely show up hehehe. I wish I can see him around more often! And I wish we could talk more of course. To Aron oppa, Happy early new year, oppa! Have a happy happy 2018!

1. Calm, kind, fun. 2. Nothing to change hyong is cool aready! Yeokshi everyone being busy let’s just be active again! 3.hello, Aron hyong the sexy brain guy?lmao since 2017 almost over which mean new year will bring a new hope also. Please stay healthy because the weather is not so good lately, keep warm. Xx Loves♡

1. Aron 2. Hey, lets talk with me. 3. Happy New Year, Aron!

1. cool, kind, but a bit flat? we didn’t conv much so I’m lacking of knowledge. (?) 2. I think you should conv more? Well, we must talk more. I mean, the last time I have talk to you is kind of in october? perhaps? Let’s talk more! 3. Please be happy for this end of the year, have a great 2018!

1. He is not really online much, i barely know him but he has a good personality, so polite and kind also so nice. 2. Oppa, please online more often and reply your mentions soon! Haha 3. NU'EST COMEBACK PLEASE!! That’s what i wished for. Be happy always oppa and be healthy always.

1. - classy - galak dikit - kind - a bit retjeh - seme(able) 2. where are youuuuuu? i never see you again on my timeline. are you taking a hiatus or something? i hope you can be more active and talkeu talkeu more with me. 3. [💌]  just wanna say, thank you for staying in WST. i’m happy that i have such a kind and caring members here. it might be pretty hard when you feel left out in agency, but i didn’t feel like this here. thank you ♡ thank you for being kind to me, let’s make another memorable memories in the future!

1) nice, kind, friendly, but seems cold?, potray his chara well 2) online more often? 3) let’s talk more in the future and get along well! + i hope 2018 will be much much better year for you! ✨

Me?  Just an unactive member i’m sorry of my bussiness My resolution i need to be more active hahhaha.

aku belom pernah mentionan hehehe, dan jarang nongol juga (atau aku yg jarang nongol?😂) semoga ke depannya kita bisa lebih deket lagi. Messagenya: Semoga apa yang terjadi di tahun 2017 bisa menjadi pembelajaran buat diri kita masing2 dan kedepannya kita bisa selalu mengucap syukur dan selalu dilingkupi rasa bahagia♡

히잉 … I’ve talked to this oppa … but all we talked is about how are you 🙈 i see he is a quite person , , kind thoo~ I’d like to have a brother like him. I dunnoo— he is so brother material/?

1. I thought he’s quite for the first, but it’s a NO NO NO. 2. LOUD. AND I LOVE IT. I often see you on my timeline but I’m too shy to approach you first, ah it’s embarassing but you portray your chara well. Keep up the good work anyway. 3. Happy new year! Santa claus is coming to town~ *chuckles* You should take a good care of yourself, keep smiling widely, and be happy as always.

1. Humble, really easy going, mature lol, funny, done ; 2. Hyung let’s find a new topic for our convo! ; 3. Hyung is a friendly person. I’m glad i can mingle well that fast with you

1. quiet, sometimes convokiller (sorry babe), sometimes noisy, friendly and sometimes awkward. 2. Hey brother! please do not cut the conversation if someone want to talk with you. I mean for a deep one. bcs sometimes I feel awkward if we run out of topic hahaha. but so far you are a funny guy! very kinldy and know your chara very well. It’s a plus! 3. Don’t change your chara or leave your account. bcs you know that Quality of NU'EST roleplayer is really rare!! till today. and I need youuuuuuuuuuuuuu! I’m sorry if i’m still lacking be your friends, if sometimes I looks stupid and weird when talking to you hahaha. but overall because I feel so comfort with you Aron. stay healthy of course and success for your own career and nuest as well.

1. Nice, kind, cold outside, calm, and classy (?) 2. He can be a good artist. Please draw a comic for me. Ok ty 3. Please be a memeron and don’t act classy1. I don’t really know since we never talk before, though- 2. Oppa, please be active soon and let’s talk? 3. I hope you will be more active in the future. Looking forward to talk more with you!

1. Doesn’t really appear a lot 2. Seems kind? Hyung I don’t see you a lot in my timeline actually but I think you’re a kind person. Please appear more so we can get to know each other? It’s the New Year’s soon and we’re gonna pass the 2018 together I hope. With this sentence I hope we can be more closer in the future! Really do hope so tho, I really wanna talk to you more…

[pokkireta]

i just finished my nth date with my bf today (welp, dec 16, not today) and i got home at like 11.30 pm lmfaoo my mom was like "gurl did u not know what time it is. ur a girl driving a car alone at this hour" yez i know mon sorry "had too much fun @ game master and forgot the timee haha.." really tho we finished playing at like 10.10 pm. the game master was still crowded so i didn't realize anything?? but then we went inside ciwalk and almost all the stores were closing down 😅 and then we went to the parking lot and it was reaaally uncrowded (?) 😅😅 trus mau balik lewat jalan layang. ENTAH KENAPA MACET BANGET DI SONO. akhirnya ke bawah ke tamansari. tadinya mau nurunin nopri di situ but he was like "mau ditemenin ga sampe mana gitu" and we were like arguing for idk 10 mins or so? 😂 in the end dia ikut aku sampe ke depan du*omsel wkwk. i thought bakal masih macet gitu ternyata ngga. cuma di jalan layang aja... then we bid farewell there :( i'm gonna miss him????? duh :( :(

however, today i realized one thing: why do i have to decide almost everything that we do. dia seneng banget ngomong terserah terserah padahal mah punya pikiran sendiri. pas mau milih tempat duduk di bioskop:

"mau di mana? tengah aja apa pinggir?"

"hmm.. terserah"

"oke tengah aja ya mba"

"eh bentar *ngegumam sendiri* kayanya lebih enak di pinggir deh"

"mba bisa diganti ke pinggir aja ga? hehe"

aduh q jd malu sendiri.

trus udah gitu pas mau beli popcorn jg. kita udh telat masuk bioskopnya and yet we still have to argue about which popcorn size!!!

"small atau medium?"

"terserah"

"oke medium"

pas nonton film aku agak nyesel kenapa beli medium. 1) mahal 2) eneg banget anjir popcorn asin. tp aku ga suka karamel sih lebih aneh lagi. untungnya diabisin sama dia hehe ya mendinglah daripada ga abis.

aand then the "mau makan di mana" brainstorming.

"terserah sih"

"tapi kamu bisa makan di rumah kan? aku sebenernya pengen makan deket kosan"

"tapi terserah"

aku teh sejujurnya udah laper karena udah lewat jam makan biasanya. dan kita bakal masih beraktivitas lagi (ciaa apaan) malem itu jd aku pengen makan aja di sana. ujung2nya ya gitu aku yg milih makannya di mana :(

trus aku pengen photobox gitu kan sama dia. TAU G. DIA BILANG APA.

"photobox berapa lama?"

"??? tergantung kamu fotonya mau lama atau bentar"

"??? emang itu kaya gimana sih..."

"..."

"...?"

"maneh ga pernah photobox?"

"ngga"

"..."

aku rada nyesel kita ga jadi photobox. tapi tadi keluar game master aja udah jam 10 lebih, kayanya tempat fotonya udah tutup wkwkwk. sayang y padahal lagi pake baju yg sama juga:( hmm gapapalah kapan2 lagi hehe (lagian photobox skrg mahal y)

dan terakhir masalah itu nurunin dia di mana wkwkwk:(( kenapa yg kaya gini aja dijadiin masalah ya aku heran. tapi ya udahlah ceritanya gitu.

seneng kok. seneng kalo main sama dia. paling seneng kalo main sama dia. paling ga seneng kalo makan. HAHAHA. karena aku makannya lama banget dan neither of us is a talkative person. tho i'm not really not okay with it. i enjoy silence with my most favorite people. so if you're reading this, novri, i hope you don't feel too bad about it?

last thing to talk about. THE FREAKING MOVIE. star wars the last jedi, ddaebak!!! ✨ it was really an awesome movie. i will never not watch any upcoming star wars movie! ok that's it i wanted to say i'm sleepy tbh so goodnight🌈