#never expected to be writing again after so long and just happy I've kept it up and people like it

[ohraicodoll]

Once TCOF is done, I have roughly 2 main stories planned out for Fragments (not counting one-shots and stuff). I didn’t think I was going to write more than a couple of stories but I’m glad I got to develop Dahlia more and take my time with that relationship. I also know that 2nd POV is the primary trend now but I’m old and 1st or 3rd POV was the way we wrote over 10 years ago lol. Maybe I’ll try and do some 2nd POV Reader requests and try it out. Just thanks in general for the support on my stories (super mad I can’t reply to people and support still hasn’t fixed it). Shout out to @cuckoo-on-a-string for being such a big cheerleader on here ❤

[romanticintheory]

HI I JUST READ YOUR "SIMON BETRAY YOU" AND YOU KNOW WHATTTT IT HURTS SOO GOOD OMG THANKS FOR MAKING THATT SJWISHWBSHSJSBWJSBWBS

...

and.. maybe can you write for a part two? pleaseee🥺

HIII TYSM IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED!!! here's a pt 2! i am very sick at the moment, though, so this might be a bunch of gibberish (i sincerely apologize if so). hope you like it <3

simon riley betrays you pt. 2

simon "ghost" riley x reader || pt. 1 || masterlist

☆ ☆ ☆

-miraculously, they let you go.

-you half expected someone to drag you out of the car with the barrel of a gun pressed against your temple with the intent to fire, but no. after a few excruciatingly long hours alone with your arms and legs bound, someone new came to cut your ties and let you loose.

-maybe they were just bad at their job, you thought. after all, why would they let you, essentially a witness, go free without any repercussions?

-a few years pass. you try to move on, but its impossible when your entire world was shattered in one night.

-you never heard back from your father since then, but that wasn't the thing that hurt the most. you couldn't go a single day without thinking about the sting of betrayal. any happy moment you had was spent comparing the time you felt that same feeling with him, before anything in the world was wrong to you.

-what's worse, there was something telling you that you shouldn't tell anyone about it even if you wanted to. a voice in your head kept telling you that maybe, maybe they're keeping you on a leash. maybe someone was watching you at this very moment ready to take you out the moment you spilled your experiences.

-in a way, your fears are confirmed when you meet simon again miles away from the last place you lived. you had moved for this exact reason; you never wanted to see his face for as long as you lived.

-it happens when you're walking alone in the street. you moved to this area specifically because you heard it was quieter and, more importantly, safer. but how much of that could you escape, really?

-your attacker approaches you as you're making your walk home from work, a kind of confidence on his face that makes the common individual want to roll their eyes.

-"what's a sweet thing like you doing out alone at night, huh?" he asks, his footsteps staggered like he's had one too many drinks.

-you give him the usual speel of, "oh, my friends are waiting for me... yeah, i've got a boyfriend. haha, i'm okay, no need to accompany me, thanks."

-your soft attempts at rejection only seem to agitate him, because next thing you know he's stepping toward you and putting a hand on your arm with a bone-crushing grip.

-"c'mon jus' let me-"

-his voice is cut off by the sound of a loud thud and the stranger's yelp of pain. it takes you a second, but you realize the defense on your behalf came from beside you.

-oh, thank god.

-you and your now injured attacker now adjust your gazes to sit on the silent newcomer. just like that, your settled sense of dread has come back and increased tenfold.

-there he was, with that stupid mask over his face and his hands curled into fists for preparation of what he was going to do next if the man didn't scurry off.

-"you'll leave," he says darkly under subtle pants, as if he ran before coming to your rescue. "if you know what's good for you."

-the stranger wastes no time in running off into the night, leaving you with your worst nightmare.

-for a while, you both stare at each other like you can't believe the other is real. it takes everything in you not to cry or beg him for answers. no, after everything you worked for, you're not going to throw away everything you built in the past few years to recover from him just to throw it all away now... right?

-"why are you here?" you ask coldly. "come to finish the job?"

-although your eyes were icy and your questions came with a rigid tone, there was genuine fear in your question. what if the soldier that untied you wasn't supposed to? what if you were supposed to be dead all those years ago?

-"no. never."

-even though he knows the reason why, his heart still hurts at the thought of you believing he'd just up and kill you like that.

-"really? that's rich," you scoff, except you're terrible at hiding the tremble in your breath and the tremors traveling through your body.

-spotting your growing fear, he scrambles for something, anything, to make you fear him less.

-"i was worried, that's all. after that night," he pauses, eventually deciding to skip the details of what he did to your father. "i didn't know where you went. thought i could just get over it, but i guess i just knew i needed to check in on you just in case."

-you resist the urge to roll you eyes. "right. you're back again to 'check in on me'? to come back and meddle in my life again?" you're struggling to keep your tears back as they form in your eyes. "you've already taken so much. how selfish can you be?"

-he stares at you for a moment before slipping his hand into his pocket and taking out a gold watch that belonged to your dad.

-"i'm sorry about your father, but you have to understand that he-"

-"not that, simon. it was never that," you push his hand away and the offer that came with it. his eyes became confused. "i mean you. it's always been you. you just come into my life telling me you love me, that you want to be with me so much and then just take that all away? and you never even bothered to tell me it was a lie, just let me get tied up by some stranger to be left alone and scared!"

-there's a new look in simon's eyes at your words, but it's hard to decipher them from behind the mask.

-"it wasn't a lie," he says slowly, lowering the hand with the watch in it back to his side.

-"oh, please." the trembling has not died down in the slightest. "i bet you're still mad that worker of yours took pity on me and let me leave before you could do anything about it. like i said, back to finish the job."

-your eyes are now trained on the ground. there was a conflicted feeling in your body at the moment. on one hand, this was the man that let you get tied up and left in a car while he "handled" your father. on the other, this was the man you loved. the one who was kind to your ever desire, who always understood you in ways you never knew possible.

-"i told them to let you go," he finally manages.

-"what?"

"i..." he hesitates. "i told my captain that if i was going to give them your father's location, they were to let you go no questions asked when the whole ordeal was over with." and it was true. he hated even imagining poor you, being interrogated by his colleagues in an isolated, barren room. you had been through enough.

-and even if you had been a part of your father's scheme, there was a part of simon that loved you too much to care (though he'd never admit it to himself).

-it was a good thing price trusted his judgment. he didn't know what he would've done had he said no.

-the tears are now streaming down your face and you can do nothing to stop it. it all felt like so much. you were so, so confused. if he did love you, why did you feel this way? how much of this could you trust?

-cautiously, he goes to wipe the tears away from your face, murmuring a quiet, "hate it when you cry." for a second, it was a familiar feeling. you felt like you were back in your shared flat with simon while having a breakdown over life's struggles. in moments like those, you never would have expectated that life's struggles could take the form of simon himself.

-you can't help but lean into his touch. maybe you were insane for allowing him to touch you like this, but you wanted nothing more than to let him into your life again. the resolve you worked so hard to build was crumbling away the longer you spent with him.

-"the reason it took so long for me to find you..." he's holding your face in his hands, now. "for so long, i thought i ought to leave you alone. i know i should. i wasn't lying about when i said i was worried if you were still alive, but," he swallows the lump in his throat before continuing. "i also miss you. 'nd i know, 's incredibly selfish of me after everything i've done to you, but i can't help it."

-one of his hands leaves your face to slide the mask and balaclava off his face. there he was again, his aged brown eyes and soft jawline, the sides of his face littered with small scars you still remember to this day.

-"i'll make it up to you," he whispers. "anything you ask, i'll answer. about my past, your father, anything. you ask me to get you something, i'll have it for you wrapped all nice 'nd pretty. hell, i'll get on my knees and pray to you if you order me to, love."

-it was like your nightmare turned into a fantasy, having him here begging for your forgiveness.

-"anything you want, i want to give to you. jus' let me be a little selfish, too."

-you bite your lip as you think it over. you know the correct answer would be a clear, hard no, but you can't bring yourself to do it. not after all those nights wishing he was encasing you in his arms again, whispering all the things he adored about you as you drifted off into sleep.

-as much as you shouldn't be believing him, you do.

-"...anything?" you ask hesitantly, and it takes everything in simon not to pull you in close and never let go.

-again. no, he needs to be sure he won't scare you off again.

-"anything," he promises, fingertips tracing the edge of your jawline.

-"okay," you agree, the tears finally having stopped flowing. happiness does not even begin to describe what simon was feeling. "for starters, you can walk me home."

-with the watch long forgotten and broken on the edge of the sidewalk, he holds your face for a bit longer before letting go. eventually, he offers his arm to you and you take it.

-there's a part of him that mourns the years lost that he could've had with you. maybe, if he came to you sooner, he wouldn't have to be so careful about being around you, now. but, no, these were the consequences of his actions.

-at the very least, you were still giving him a second chance, and he was intent on not fucking it up this time.

[bones4thecats]

➸ Your Wedding Day; Idia Shroud × S/O

Character: Idia Shroud A/N: This was something that I've wanted to write for quite a while, so I'm happy I finally got my Idia-wedding ideas out and posted for you guys to see. Hope you fellow Idia simps enjoy! Disclaimer(s): Reader's dress, Idia's suit, and song to listen too

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Idia Shroud ════════════════════════════╝

🎮 We all know this guy enjoys his privacy, and that includes privacy with you (of course it does, why wouldn't it?)

🎮 You happily handed him a list of some ideas for your wedding, to which he just sighed and set his headphones down to read over. Ever since College ended, he had been working more and more with S.T.Y.X., so whenever he got some free time, he'd either play games or rest with you

🎮 More than not, he would just sleep with you right beside him. The guy's tried, give him a break

🎮 But, when he proposed, he did not expect such a long list of things you guys needed to decide on for your wedding. He figured that you'd have it all laid out and not worry about it like a character in a show/movie

🎮 As he read the list over, he put tiny skulls by whatever he found that he liked the idea of. Cost wasn't a big deal, but he knew that you wanted a smaller wedding when you guys spent your second-year anniversary together

🎮 He agreed with the idea, but never gave it a second thought. Rookie mistake.

🎮 Idia handed you back the list and you then put check-marks besides the ones you agreed with him on. Your big-day was in only 9 weeks, so getting everything else laid out was something you guys needed to get done immediately

🎮 Snapping his headphones back on as you made call after call and message after message, Idia let his mind wander onto what he dreamt your wedding would look like. From flowers to you in your dress, it didn't matter. It was all there

🎮 When your wedding finally came, your soon-to-be-husband was having a nervous breakdown. Though, why wouldn't he be? He was an introvert having to go up there in front of people and confess his love to you

🎮 While yes, it was all people both you and him knew extremely well, it was still a lot of people!

🎮 His father walked up behind him and smiled, his blue-flame hair matching his son's as he put the brooch of a gem-eyed skull on his suit

"You look so awesome, big brother!" Ortho said from behind their father.

"Thanks, O'. How's Y/N doing?" He asked.

"She's doing great! She looks beyond amazing in her dress! You're gonna be a big strawberry when you see her go down the isle."

🎮 Idia smiled and looked at himself in the mirror, the long flame hair that he always kept loose without any care for, all neatly put together in a brushed-up style with a bow keeping it behind his shoulders. This was what you wanted, so it was what you were going to get

"Boys! Come on! Wedding's about to start!" Mrs. Shroud said from the doorway, causing all three Shroud boy's hair to erupt before settling again. Thankfully it didn't burn anything...

"We're on out way, dear!" Mr. Shroud answered.

🎮 Mr. Shroud looked back at his sons and smiled, planting his new face-only helmet back on his head, his hair sticking out, as it was shorter, but brighter in terms of fire-light

"Let's head out to see your new chapter, Idia."

══✿══╡

🎮 Idia stood there before you, hair all nice, while you stood before him, your long white dress standing out while your veil was draped in front of your face, much to your future husband's dismay. It was hard to find comfort in your eyes without straining his eyes to look beyond the thin fabric

"Now, let's get these vows out, shall we?" The Minister said.

🎮 You smiled and looked at Idia, motioning for him to start. He just took a deep breath, taking a simple glance at his mother, whom was standing behind you as one of her bridesmaids, to which she nodded

🎮 Idia looked deep in your eyes and spoke from his heart. Like I said, no planning involved for this poor boy

"Y/N. You were like the boss that I couldn't defeat. I feared everyone in College, but you just kept coming back and I couldn't seem to put up a firewall to keep you away from me. Every time I heard you were somewhere, I felt the urge to go there just to see your face and hear your laughter. I was at your mercy, and your mercy alone. Ever since the first date we had years ago, I just wanted... no... I needed you to always be by my side. I love you, and I hope you feel the same in your heart."

🎮 You smiled and raised your hand under your veil to wipe a stray tear from your face as you then looked into his eyes and spoke your own vows

"Idia, you were everything I could've asked for. That may sound weird, but it's the truth. When I first met you, I thought you'd be one of the most difficult people to deal with, but I could never have been more wrong. You were charming in your own way, and you still are, without even trying! The way you link in technology in when you speak, the way you furrow your eyebrows when speaking, to the way your eyes shimmer when you find like or do something successfully, it's all enchanting to me. And I never want to let that enchantment go. And I never plan on it. I love you so much, Idia, forever and always."

🎮 He smiled at you as the Minister called for the rings, making Ortho come up and hand you both your wedding wings. Yours to Idia's being black with dark-blue colored edges, while Idia's to you was also black-ringed with a shining blue, heart-shaped gemstone on the top

🎮 You looked into his eyes once more as you placed the jewelry on his ring-finger while he did the exact same afterwards. All of his anxiety was now gone, nobody else was there besides you and him in his mind. You two were the only things that mattered

"You may kiss the bride." The Minister announced, stepping back for you both.

🎮 Idia lifted your veil before grabbing your waist and holding one side of your cheek with his hand and laying his forehead on yours, slowly moving to close the gap between your lips

🎮 Everyone cheered as you left one another's kiss and smiled, hugging one another as he whispered into your ear before setting off for the after-party with the people who attended your day

"I love you so damn much, Y/N."

[wbtsan]

SUPER ATTRACTIVE.

synopsis. your boyfriend, wooyoung, has been away for ages getting ready for his upcoming tour with his band. luckily he has a day off work and he gives you all the attention you want <3

pairing. boyfriend!wooyoung x female!reader | tags. kissing, cuddling, princess treatment & nothing else? | rating. fluff | wc. 600+

authors note. long time no see guys!!1!! im slowly returning back to writing but ill take it slow since im still recovering from all this stuff going on but start to expect more posts!!

networks. @newworldnet @illusionnet

-

ever since your boyfriend wooyoung started preparing for his upcoming tour with his band, the house has been awfully quiet. it's been feeling really lonely without him around as much. the sounds of laughter filling up the kitchen, small giggles coming from wooyoung and his smell of perfume in the house. you would constantly pull all-nighters, watching the time pass just waiting for the day when wooyoung comes through the front door. you just wished time would pass quickly and you can finally be with the love of your life for just one day.

"jagiya? where are you?" wooyoung's voice echos through the room. "jagi-" he says again, pausing. "ya?" he whispers, seeing you asleep on the couch. he takes off his shoes and jacket, carrying your bridal-style as he brings you to your shared bedroom. "w-wooyoung?" you say, half awake. "ssh, just go back to sleep dear. ill take care of you." he says, smiling softly. you smile back at him before nuzzling your head in his chest.

-

as the dazzling sun shines through the curtains, it causes you to awaken from your slumber. you tried going to the bathroom before you were pulled back down onto the bed. you were so tired that night that you forgot that wooyoung was there. "don't leave." wooyoung lazily says, wrapping his arm around your waist. you smiled at his cuteness before laying down next to him. "don't worry you little baby." "im not a baby!" he says, pouting. you laugh softly before saying, "im joking! calm down." you smile before running your fingers through his hair. he hummed softly, nuzzling his head in your neck. "how about since i've been away alot, we can bake your favorite cookies and binge watch netflix?" wooyoung suggests. your face lights up with happiness, "yes yes please!" you smile eagerly. he chuckles softly, "alright you princess."

"you better not put that cookie dough on my nose!" you yelled, running around the kitchen. "you never said i couldn't put it on your face!" he says, putting cookie dough on your face. the laughs and giggles fill up the kitchen, defending yourself to prevent him to putting more cookie dough on your face. you quickly ran to the counter and grabbed a handful of cookie dough. "this is payback!" you say as you ran up to him, putting cookie dough on his face. the tiny yells he made was super cute yet funny at the same time. you guys kept running around, preventing yourself from getting cookie dough on your faces. after a few minutes, you guys lay down on the floor together, panting. "wow, didn't expect you to be that fast of a runner." wooyoung said. "i was in the track team! what do you expect!" you say, giggling. "calm down!" wooyoung said. "let me check up on the cookies." wooyoung says, getting up from the floor.

-

"would you look at that? these cookies look really nice." he says, grabbing some plates and putting the cookies on the plates. "now, how about we watch some netflix? sound good?" "yes!" you say, excited to watch netflix with your boyfriend. wooyoung puts on stranger things and you guys eat all the cookies while watching the series. halfway into the series, you started to fall asleep on his shoulder. he looks over at you and started smiling, pausing the show and bringing you up to the bedroom before putting you under the covers. he gave you a kiss on the forehead and sat down next to you as he wrapped his arm around your waist, falling asleep next to him.

[justawritterwithideas]

Boy Wonder and the Rockstar | s.r

✩ next part ✩

summary: Spencer and Y/N meet in college after a book search, creating a friendship where opposites attract. But Spencer has to move across the country to pursue his happiness and completely loses contact with Y/N. What if fate decides it's time to meet after 15 years and with a crazy stalker in between? Spencer won't lose to fate again and will do anything in his power to protect Y/N.

warnings: mentions of death, alcohol, drugs, strong vocabulary, as well as talk of heartbreak, disappointment and arguments. It also contains content regarding CM season 13, so it clearly contains spoilers. this is a spencer reid x famous!reader story.

this will be a small series of chapters so here are the general precautions of the series, each chapter will have its own precautions. !!!

words: 3,909 words.

a/n: hey! here alme with a little series i've been planning for a couple of weeks now. as you may know, i've been talking about the spencer reid x famous!reader relationship but as hayley williams, so i decided to set myself the challenge and write a little series called "boy wonder and the rockstar", so i hope you like it. i haven't planned how many chapters it will have yet but i don't want to make it too long, and also patience with each chapter. so, I don't want to make it longer and I'll leave you the first chapter. thank you. ♡

𝟎.𝟏: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐲.

Spencer always lived under the stigma of being a child genius. His I.Q. was 187, he could read 20,000 words per minute and had an eidetic memory.

Everyone around him told him what to do, from his mother, to his "friends," to his teachers, to his neighbors.

"Hey Spencer, with that brain of yours you could make it in the government" "Spencer you could be part of NASA" "Spencer you could be a mathematical genius like Einstein!" "Spencer you're going to get into the CIA!"

"And where are you going to go to college? Because you know Harvard is already a lock for you" "I bet you'll go to YALE, that's where all the smart ones go" "Princeton is an excellent choice for you!" "MIT could open a lot of doors for you"

Spencer this, Spencer that.

But no one really thought about what Spencer wanted. Maybe he wanted to be a magician and make children happy with his tricks. Maybe he wanted to be a trapeze artist, or a fireman, or an astronaut, or just an ice cream man.

All these expectations of Spencer reached a point where he didn't even know what he wanted in life. He lived under the shadow of the expectations and visions people had placed on him, and he didn't want to let them down. He was just a kid, a kid scared of adult life who had to impose himself because others imposed it on him.

That's how his brain made him skip grades, have to enter high school at age 12, and have to suffer a lot of abuse from the grown-ups for just being a boy genius.

Spencer sometimes wished he could make his brain disappear and have a normal one. Then he could have normal friends, go to a normal school, have a relationship, experience the problems people his age have, and be able to feel the phases of adolescence like any other kid.

But things were not like that.

He had to live the life he had been dealt, with his genius brain and the damn adult problems at 13.

CalTech was a new life he had to accept, but it wasn't as bad as the one he had before. His mind was kept busy for a long period.

He was forced to grow up around books full of equations, chemical elements and mathematical problems, managing at 16 to get his first college degree, which was Mathematics, and the following year to get a PhD in it. But he did not dislike this.

But as they say it is never enough, he kept on studying until he was 21. Thanks to this, he became a doctor of two more degrees, Chemistry and Engineering, in addition to Psychology, Sociology and Criminology.

His social life at the university was not so hectic, in fact, he only stood out for the fact that he was a boy genius, and that was it. To other people, he was a person like any other.

Until one autumn day, in the middle of his 19 years and studying psychology, his paths were interrupted by crossing that of others, and that, probably, is the person who changed his life the last years of college.

It was an ordinary day in the university library. Spencer had been rereading an encyclopedia of human anatomy for two hours. Why you may wonder, well, it was his way of killing time during his free time.

Acquiring knowledge was the best way to keep his brain fed and occupied, according to the boy.

He had eaten his sandwich a couple of minutes ago and let his brain feed on information at that moment, trying to persuade his intrusive thoughts at that minute. Through the pages you could see the muscular system, focusing on the leg and foot areas.

To be honest, it looked quite interesting.

That day, leaves were beginning to fall from the trees, filling the ground with their autumn colors; there was a gentle cool breeze, a strong smell of wet dirt and people were crowded in the warmer areas of the campus. It was no surprise to anyone that the library was one of the most crowded areas, the vast majority of people were gathered around the tables as large college texts lay open on them.

Spencer was sure he had seen more than one student curse at the fact that they couldn't find what they were looking for, and then walk out of the room in exhaustion. It wasn't the first time someone had cursed his name because they found themselves reading the text they were looking for and, besides, they weren't able to approach and ask for it.

He could believe it was cowardly on their part, maybe they were too shy to be able to do it or it was an excuse to put off studying what they were looking for. Even though he considered that the The study methods they had were not very good and, if they started studying earlier, they could increase their grad-

"Excuse me."

A voice interrupted the conversation Spencer was having with himself, pushing away his intrusive thoughts that were beginning to take over his mind. The young man's head turned and he saw a girl, perhaps his age, staring at the encyclopedia in front of him.

"I asked Miss Wellington about the Rouviére and Delmas encyclopedia of human anatomy, and well..." The girl looked over Spencer's shoulder. "She told me that maybe the boy sitting at the back table had it. There are no other tables in the back and you're the only guy sitting here, so I think my deduction is correct and you have it."

"Y-yes, this is the encyclopedia you're looking for." Spencer admitted, looking at the young woman.

More than looking at her, he was admiring her. She was wearing a red skirt and hoodie with some embroidered words on it, her legs were also wearing dark leggings and some rather damaged black converses, over it she was carrying another coat and a backpack; her arms were loaded with medical and anatomy books, plus her hair was disheveled.

"Great! Must be my lucky day that a cute guy has it." Her books fell onto the table and she sat down next to Spencer.

The boy could smell the scent of tobacco and mint mixed with the scent of cherry perfume.

"May I see?" Spencer turned to look at her and, even though he was reading that book first, his head nodded. "Fine! I just want to see..." The sound of the leaves was rapid, as if a fan was moving them. "This... Nervous system."

Suddenly, and as if by magic, a notebook appeared in front of them both and quickly the girl was beginning to write on the blank sheets, even though to Spencer it looked more like a scribble than a resume as such.

"Shit, what is this?" the girl paused to read more closely. "In the central axon, the electrical signal is converted into a chemical signal, and then releases the chemical signal with chemical messengers called neur-neurotransmitters." The sound of the pencil falling on the table made the boy startle.

"Nervous system?"

"That's right, I have a lecture in three days and I'm still trying to associate concepts in the nervous system. Like my nervous system isn't nervous anymore."

Spencer chuckled to himself, the girl had a funny sense of humor.

"In fact, when the brain interprets that we are in danger, it produces a rush of adrenaline that activates the heart and muscles to place them on alert, but if prolonged, it can lead to health problems such as cardiovascular disease like heart attack and is associated with hypertension and arrhythmias and is the enhancer of other cardiovascular risk factors." Spencer turned to look at the girl, who looked quite interested in what he was saying, jotting everything down in her notebook. "But it's not that your nervous system is 'nervous', it's that it interprets that it's in danger and so it sends that kind of stimulus to your body that makes you anxious."

"I see you know about the nervous system, much more than I do." The girl scanned him from head to toe. "Are you a medical student?"

"No, CalTech doesn't have a medical degree, but I am a doctor." The boy admitted.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

"Shit, and you already have a doctorate?"

"Actually I have three."

Silence stretched between the two, caused by the woman's shock.

"Are you some kind of alien or is your brain too big that it stores more information than I can retain?"

"Well, I have an IQ of 187 so I can read 20,000 words per minute, plus I have eidetic memory. But I prefer the concept of being more advanced than others."

The girl stared at him.

But to his surprise, the young woman only let out a giggle.

"You're funny, I like it." No one had ever told Spencer that he was funny. In fact, he thought that adjective didn't directly relate to him. "I'm Y/N, Y/N L/N."

"Spencer...Spencer Reid." Y/N denied.

"No, you're not Spencer."

"Excuse me?"

"You're Dr. Spencer Reid." Spencer smiled, she was right. "Well, it's nice to meet you, dr. Reid."

"Nice to meet you, Miss L/N." They both smiled.

"Well, now that I know your name, dr. Reid, we can start our friendship."

Spencer never thought making friends was so easy, even though he knew it was because the girl had gone to the trouble of calling herself his "friend," without even knowing him.

But that didn't bother him, in fact, he found it nice that someone had decided to be his friend.

Overnight, Spencer's evenings began to become more colorful, smelling of tobacco and mint, and filled with questions from Y/N, his new friend.

Although, at first, Spencer didn't seem comfortable around the girl, he quickly got used to it. He had learned several things about Y/N over the days, such as that she was a medical student at Pasadena City College, a college a couple of blocks from CalTech; she was the youngest in the family and had an older brother who had been diagnosed with leukemia a couple of years ago.

He had also learned that she was very into fashion, lived in an apartment complex nearby, smoked a couple of years ago, and only liked menthol tobacco cigarettes. Her favorite color was orange, but she didn't think it looked good on her, and she didn't see herself going to medical school, but she wanted to be a singer.

The first time Spencer heard Y/N sing was during a kermes in Pasadena City, she had been invited to sing on behalf of the medical school. Spencer never liked the idea of being around so many people, let alone at a kermes which was as unsanitary as possible, but his new "best friend" had begged him to go.

He couldn't say no.

He remembered perfectly how her hands shook with nerves, how she bit her lip as she cleared her throat and watched her bandmates, aka Y/N's other friends, rehearse with their instruments.

He knew she had practiced for this moment a bunch of times, had more than once arrived at Spencer's dorm wet from head to toe from running in the rain after a rehearsal, and hummed the songs under her breath every time they studied together in the library.

She was more than ready, but her own fears sometimes made her afraid of her talent.

Reid's eyes were on her, smiling confidently to convey that feeling as a guitar began to play the first chords, and announced the start of her performance.

Spencer didn't know what song it was, he wasn't even sure if the song was to his taste, but when he heard Y/N's voice he knew it had become his favorite song.

“Her name is Noelle

I have a dream about her, she rings my bell

I got gym class in half an hour

And, oh, how she rocks

In Keds and tube socks

But she doesn't know who I am

And she doesn't give a damn about me”

Their gaze was on each other, as if they were the only ones in that large space. The few times the eye contact was broken was when Y/N closed her eyes.

The song ended successfully and an avalanche of applause greeted Y/N, who thanked the audience for their attention. Soon another band filled the stage and for a few seconds, Spencer lost sight of Y/N. He wanted to tell her how great she had turned out, how all her effort and practice had made everything come out perfectly and that she looked like a total rockstar on stage.

"Spence! How was it, did you like it?" Y/N hugged the boy's arm, who turned to look at her with a sweet smile on his face.

"It was amazing, Y/N. Everyone loved it." Affirmed the boy.

"I was so nervous, I was so afraid it wouldn't go well, but I saw you there, and I felt like I could do it. You're my lucky charm, Spencie."

Spencer felt something jump in his chest.

"Let's get something to eat, I'm dying for some corn-dogs." Said the opposite.

"Y-yeah, let's get something to eat, my treat."

The day Spencer was accepted into the FBI academy was probably the most bittersweet day of his entire life.

At 22 years old, and in the middle of finishing his college semester for what felt like the fifth time, a letter arrived in his dorm room.

A letter of acceptance.

He could feel that all his hard work had been rewarded by whoever was up there. He quickly put on his sneakers and ran a marathon to the medical building at Pasadena City College.

His best friend's short red hair he could quickly visualize as he saw her smoking by the entrance, she seemed to be listening to something on her MP4 and bobbing her head to the beat of-who-knows-what song.

"Y/N! Y/N!" Spencer's voice sounded agitated, trying to get her best friend's attention.

The, now, redhead removed her earpiece and turned to see the tall boy running towards her.

"Spence?" From her mouth came the tobacco smoke, causing her to let the cigarette burn between her fingers.

"I made it, I got into the academy!"

The two big hazel eyes made contact with those of the girl, who dropped the cigarette to the sidewalk and hugged her friend tightly.

"I can't believe it, Spence! You did it! You did it! My goodness, I couldn't be prouder!" The younger girl began to do some jumping jacks as she didn't let go of her grip on his embrace.

"Thank you, Y/N. I couldn't have done it without you, you were the one who stuck with me through this whole process."

"You don't have to thank me, dorkie. I knew you'd make it, they couldn't leave out a genius like you." Soon they both disengaged from the embrace and the girl looked at the boy's face. "W-where is the academy? Tell me."

"I don't know, I-I didn't fully read the letter." He admitted embarrassed.

"Then read it! Go on." The girl took him by the arm and forced him to sit down on the faculty stairs.

Slowly, Spencer began to read the letter while Y/N listened intently to every word.

"The course begins on September 23rd of the current year in..." A pause.

Y/N looked at Spencer, who had stopped reading the letter.

"Where, Spence, what does it say?"

"The course begins September 23rd of the current year in Quantico, Virginia."

Y/N felt like a bucket of cold water had just been dropped on her.

Quantico? That was on the other side of the country!

"Q-quantico? Spence, that's on the other side of the-"

"Country, I know Y/N. I-I... I can't do it, I can't."

"What the fuck are you talking about!" The girl stood up startled, looking accusingly at her best friend. "No, I refuse. You have to do it, it's your dream, Spence! What you've always wanted for the last three years that I've known you, I refuse to let you back down now, I won't allow it!"

Spencer looked up from the letter, watching Y/N who was looking at him with her face burning with anger.

"You know I can't do that, what's going to happen to my mom? You know what's going on with her and her schizophrenia, I can't leave her alone."

"She would want you to go, Spence. Her happiness is where yours is, you know she'll be able to do it, there are plenty of options to help her." A long silence settled between the two of them.

Spencer didn't want to leave California, he didn't want to leave his mother or Y/N, he couldn't.

"Spencer Reid, I know what you're thinking right now, but I won't let you let this opportunity pass you by. You have dreamed of this exact moment for years, for as long as I have known you you have always wanted to go to the academy and you have done everything in your power to do so. Now they are offering it to you on a silver platter, you have to do it, there is nothing more you can do here in California. You've already studied all the existing careers in the world, you've already done what anyone in 50 years would have done and at your short 22 years you're already a doctor of three careers." The girl settled back down beside him, letting her icy hand wrap around Spencer's warm one. "You can't just limit yourself to staying here just because you have an engagement, the world has to know who Dr. Spencer Reid is like I know him, you have to go."

Spencer drew an elongated smile, feeling his body fill with that feeling of sadness that pervaded him from head to toe.

The redhead's words were true, it was his dream. But he didn't want to leave the only thing that made him happy on the other side of the country, he would love to carry it in his pocket to Virginia and have his dose of serotonin after each day.

He didn't want to stop smelling her tobacco and minty breath, the cherry smell coming off her clothes and the blueberry smell coming off her hair. He wanted to keep seeing the reddish locks of hair on his clothes and the cheesy paper notes in his pockets every time they met. He wanted to keep listening to the music on Y/N's MP4 every time he went to her apartment and drink coffee with lots of sugar that she made for him, keep hearing her voice in the shower and get biology questions at three in the morning every time she had a test.

He wanted to go to thrift stores to try on printed T-shirts and watch Y/N's camera fill up with pictures of the two of them, keep going to her shows with her band and eat frozen pizza after every gig.

He wanted to keep being with her.

But if she was letting him go, then he had to let her go too.

"I think I can go on living without hearing your bad jokes." Spencer's words lifted Y/N's spirits, who gave him a playful smile.

"Hey! My jokes are the best, last time you laughed for two hours."

"Because it was stupid."

They both laughed, letting the tension of the moment go with the last echo of their laughter.

"So you'll go across the country to make me proud?"

"Yes, I'll go make you proud."

Y/N's arms wrapped around Spencer's body, resting her head in the space of his shoulder and chin.

"I'm glad you didn't make a dumb decision."

Staying here with you isn't a dumb decision, Spencer thought.

They both pulled apart.

"Well, screw the skeleton. Let's go to the library and write your answer."

The girl's small hand imprisoned the boy's large hand, guiding him to the library to write what would be Spencer's fate.

The flight from California to Washington was five hours.

Five hours where Spencer and Y/N would be separated, and they would have to accept that fate had something different in store for the two of them.

Despite California being a sunny paradise, that day he wanted to keep the two friends company as they said goodbye at the airport.

"You already know my number, you know you can call me whenever you want." Commented the girl, who was in charge of carrying the book she had given him to read during the trip.

"I'm not such a fan of technology, you know that."

"There are pay phones over there too, Spence. It only costs a couple of cents to call me, plus they must have landlines there, and you have my email." The girl stopped in front of the door that separated goodbyes with new beginnings. "And if not, you can send me a letter. You know my address."

"A letter doesn't sound bad at all, in fact, for centuries, it was one of the most widely used means of communication by human civilizations since man began to write and whose importance transcended nations. The oldest courier service ever found was in Egypt in 2400 B.C. and in 1840, Sir Rowland Hill created the first postage stamp, which was called Penny Black, which was a profile drawing of Queen Victoria of England that had the rate 'One Penny' written on it."

"Oh Spence, I'm going to miss your fun facts about absurdly boring things." Commented the girl before she could hug him.

Spencer felt his heart clench.

"I'll miss you listening to me." They both turned in an embrace so tight it could take all the oxygen out of their bodies.

Neither wanted to be the first to say goodbye, neither was ready to leave the other. Their hearts were bound together like puzzle pieces, and just as when you lose one, the puzzle will no longer be complete.

"Now, you must go, your flight is about to leave." Y/N commented, separating from the young man as she wiped away the small tear that escaped from her eyes. "Miss me a lot, huh? And show off how pretty your best friend is."

"Always. Remember that wherever you are, whatever you do or whoever you're with, you'll always be in my heart."

A pout settled in Y/N's mouth, who felt like she was letting a part of her go with Spencer.

"Don't forget about me, because I will never forget about you." Demanded the girl, who was pushing the boy to go for his flight.

"It's impossible for me to forget you, I have an eidetic memory." He said laughing, waving goodbye as he received the book the girl handed him.

The two met in a final embrace, where Spencer could smell the girl's cherry and menthol tobacco scent for the last time.

"Write me!" Y/N vociferated, waving goodbye to the boy who nodded and disappeared behind the airport doors.

Y/N and Spencer didn't know that at that moment fate would place them on trial, causing their paths to diverge for many years until, magically, they would come together again.

“When two souls are meant to meet, fate brings worlds closer, erases distances, joins paths and defies the impossible.” Anonymous.

@alexa-33 | @ahhhhyesk | @imthefuckingleader | @narmothewraith | @kneelforloki | @niyahwhoreworld | @lexie0037 | @deadunicorn159 | @corpsebridenightamare | @preciousbabypeter | @sakuramadae | @zzz000eee | @runefirestarter | @sebastiansstanswhore | @whateverrrrrrrrs | @xsarcasticwriterx | @chris-seb-marvel | @bellaramseygfsblog | @lillysbigwilly | @dezibou | @astrophileous | @ily2lia | @sophiario | @valenftcrush | @oxace-of-heartsxo | @spencerrxids | @w31rdg1rl | @ineedsomezzz | @yeehawbitchs

If you like it, don't forget to like and repost it.

a lot of love, alme. ❀

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Hii! Could you possible write something more with Emily and her partner self harming? You write it so incredibly well and I find so much comfort in it, it’s insane. Maybe Emily finding out for the very first time when her partner is actively doing it? <333

Hi, anon! I'm always happy to write hurt/comfort about self-harm. :) It's my genuine hope that it brings people comfort and helps them feel less alone. Much love to you! –illdowhatiwantthanks

Doxxed

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: BIG self-harm warning!!!, cutting, blood, mentions of past familial abuse, homophobia, bigotry, use of slurs, explicit language (please let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 2.2k

Summary: After you leave a comment in support of a Pride post, the conservative fanbase of the organization comes after you in full force. You can take a lot, but it's more than you can handle. And you're tempted to resort to old, unhealthy coping mechanisms.

One comment. One stupid, stupid comment. That’s all it had taken.

Don’t listen to the haters! Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈 Thanks for the support!

You’d left it thoughtlessly, carelessly even, on the Washington Nationals Instagram post for Pride. Frustrated by all the hate and homophobia in the comments, you’d left one of support. You wanted the other queer fans to know they weren’t alone, and for the social media team to know that their post meant something.

You hadn’t expected it to blow up. You hadn’t expected to be the sole target of the Nationals’ conservative fan base. The first few comments, you’d ignored:

WTH is a they?

bro, what is “they” 🙏💀😭

your an npc you cannot be talking

not a fan

I think you mean IT

the Support your dad never gave you huh?

you need to read your bible

by haters you mean 95% of the population?

So, they’d found your profile. They’d seen your pronouns listed as she/they. Your page was private, they shouldn’t have access to anything else. You took deep breaths, turning off your Instagram notifications, trying your best to ignore the red notification alerts climbing into the hundreds, then the thousands.

But the first phone call? That had taken you off guard. It was an unknown number. You shouldn’t even have picked up.

“Hello?” you’d said, so innocent, so unprepared.

“Is this Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Yes, this is she…”

“Do you mean they!? You fucking dyke. Bet your daddy diddled you when you were little, huh? That’s why you’re so fucked up now!? I could fix that real quick. You just need a real dick shoved in you. Where do you live, baby? We can arrange that! You’re disgusting. You need some real cock in your life.”

It was so aggressive, so vulgar, so quick and angry. You couldn’t have gotten a word in if you’d tried. You hung up, shocked, silent. You were used to homophobia. You were used to hate and bigotry. You’d grown up in a place where people had called you a dyke on the streets, where churchgoers pulled you aside in the grocery store to pray over your “lifestyle.” Your parents had hated you long before you came out of the closet, so their revulsion wasn’t a surprise and it didn’t hurt, not any more than they’d already hurt you.

But you were so far away from where you’d come from, and you were so used to feeling safe here. You had Emily and you had the BAU and you were, generally speaking, free to walk around and live your life as your full, truest self without fear. The fact that this phone call, the hatred that came with it, had invaded your home, your safe space–it shook you. You were physically shaken.

But the calls kept coming. Again and again. Nonstop. So many they overlapped one another. So many that your voicemail box was full. And then the emails started. You knew you shouldn’t read them, shouldn’t listen to the voicemails, shouldn’t open up Instagram and scroll through the hateful comments. But you couldn’t stop yourself. And everything you read made you feel lower. You could handle a lot of hate, but this was past your threshold. It was the comments about your family that got to you the most. How did they know!? How did they know where to hit you the hardest? Where you were already weak and wounded and it wouldn’t take much to break you?

Emily was away on a case with the BAU. You wished she was here. You’d feel better if she was with you. More solid, less affected. Somehow, the bigotry never got to Emily, not like it got to you. You knew if she was here, she’d hold you, she’d set up some sort of fancy FBI phone trace and figure out who was calling you, she’d shut down your Instagram or take your phone from you so that you wouldn't be able to read the comments. She’d tell you she loved you, that you were beautiful, perfect, exceptional. She’d tell you that what these people said about you, how they made you feel, was not real, was not who you were. She’d remind you that who your dad thought you were, how he’d treated you, what he’d done to you–that wasn’t you either. That you were hers and you were your own. You were brave and strong and beautiful. But she wasn’t here to tell you any of that, and somehow telling yourself those things didn’t carry the same weight. By the time you fell asleep that night, you were in a spiral of such self-hatred, such hopelessness, such unending anxiety at each buzz of your phone–you hadn’t felt this low since college.

When you woke up the next morning–a Saturday–you turned off your phone, determined not to let the haters get to you, to take control of the day, of your emotions. You meditated. You listened to your favorite music. You made yourself some breakfast.

You stepped outside to go on a walk, knowing that fresh air and movement would do you good, keep you from spiraling further. But you stopped dead in your tracks when you turned to shut the door behind you. Spray-painted in angry red over the door frame of your townhouse was FAGS BURN IN HELL.

You went back inside and slammed the door behind you, trying not to cry. Too much. It was all too much. They had your socials. They had your email. They had your phone number. And now they knew where you lived. Every bit of safety and security you’d worked so hard to build here seemed to be crumbling around you, and there was nothing you could do about it.

And you knew then, like you were watching a film of yourself, watching something that had already happened, that you would go to the bathroom. You would take out a fresh razor blade, and you would drag it across the skin of your forearm. That you would bleed, and the blood would be the tears you didn’t let yourself cry. Just like it had been all those years ago, when you hid from your dad in the bathroom. Like it was in college when you figured out you were gay and hated yourself for it. Like it had been when your dad had died and you’d gone to his funeral and you’d lied and told Emily the wounds were from the barn cat scratching you.

It was magnetic, inevitable almost. The more you fought, the more you hated yourself for not being able to resist, which only made you crave the sharpness more. You looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror and wondered at how easy it was for everything to fall apart around you. The self-confidence, the security, the life you’d spent years, decades even, building, it all seemed to be crumbling. From one stupid comment.

You held the blade to your arm, a little shaky, knowing that once you did it, you wouldn’t be able to take it back. The line of blood was familiar, almost a relief, the pain an old friend, one that you’d kept away for so, so long. You hated yourself for doing it. You hated yourself for enjoying it. But you enjoyed the hating, too.

So focused were you on the lines, the series of parallels and perpendiculars you were carving lightly into yourself, that you didn’t hear the front door open, didn’t hear Emily call your name, voice dripping with concern having seen the angry message. You didn’t notice her at all until she was at the bathroom door, eyes wide and panicked, frozen. Before you could react, she’d lunged forward, grabbed your hand, and squeezed, forcing you to drop the razor blade. Her voice came to you as if through water, blurry and hazed and distant, as she wrapped your bloody arm in a towel.

“Honey, stop, stop!!” she called, frantic and shaky. “What are you doing!?”

The moment you made eye contact with her–and saw how scared you’d made her–you broke. Tears streamed down your face and you choked back sobs, sinking to the bathroom floor. Emily lowered herself with you, making sure to keep your arm tightly wrapped, caressing your face with her free hand.

“Hey,” she cooed. “It’s okay. What’s going on? Can you tell me? Please talk to me, baby. Please.”

You didn’t answer, couldn’t seem to catch your breath or find your voice. You simply buried your head in the crook of her neck, trying to regain some semblance of security.

Emily rubbed your back, resting her chin on your head. “Is it about the writing on the door?”

You nodded, sucking in a shaky breath.

“I’ll get someone to take care of it, okay? But… honey, why did that make you… why did you want to… hurt yourself?”

“It’s not just the door,” you confided, sniffling. “It’s the phone calls and the emails and the fucking Instagram comments.”

“Wh–?” Emily sounded deeply confused, even as she ran her fingers through your hair, placed kisses at the top of your head.

“I left one comment, Em, on some stupid fucking baseball Pride post to say, like, Happy Pride! Thanks for not being bigots! And all the fucking bigots in DC came out of the woodwork to dox me.”

Emily exhaled, mind racing. First, she had to keep you safe from yourself. Then she needed to keep you and her and your home physically safe. Then she needed to get your digital safety under control. Emily was a fixer at heart. And she was determined to make you feel safe again.

“And why the fuck do they keep bringing up my dad!?” You choked out another sob.

Understanding flooded through Emily, and she held you a little tighter, a little closer. It was your dad. That’s what had really triggered you. You were used to homophobia. But you hated being reminded of your dad. Emily rubbed her thumb along the bloodied towel around your forearm, a realization sinking in, one that broke her heart.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve hurt yourself,” she whispered, more to herself than to you. It devastated her. How could she protect you from yourself? From your past? She couldn’t go back and change it, no matter how desperately she wanted to.

You could hear the heartbreak in her voice, and guilt flooded into all the hurt places inside you, all the places the blood had left empty. You buried your face in your hands.

“I’m sorry, Em,” you cried, shrinking into yourself. “I’m so sorry.”

But the more you tried to squirm away, the harder she held you. “Hey,” she soothed. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’ve been through things that make you want to hurt yourself.”

Her voice broke, and you wrapped your arms around her waist, your instinct to comfort her kicking in. She was shaking, you realized. She was scared.

“But, baby, please don’t shut me out,” she continued. “I’ll do whatever it takes, okay? Just… I don’t… I don’t know how to protect you from you.”

You sat up and looked at Emily, her eyes now swimming with tears. “Emily,” you said softly, wiping her eyes with your thumbs. “That’s not your job.”

“It is my job,” she insisted. “It’s always my job to keep you safe.”

You exhaled shakily, lifting your arm to wet a rag at the sink, and handing it to Emily, uncovering the angry red cuts on your arm. You pulled gauze and medical tape out of the bottom cabinet drawer and set those next to you.

“Here,” you said, extending your arm, knowing that Emily would feel better with something tangible to do to help you.

She dabbed at your arm with the rag, her fingers gentle and cool against your skin.

“It’s not something you can fix, Em,” you told her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she focused on your wounds, eyes swimming. “I need to go back to therapy.”

She nodded, deep in thought, smoothing the gauze over your wound, and carefully taping it in place.

“But you could get Penelope to shut down the internet trolls?” you suggested, venturing a smile. Your heart wasn’t in it yet, but you knew that with Emily here, it would be soon.

Emily ran her fingers over your arm, placing a small kiss on the bandages. She smiled at you, sad and determined and angry and scared, and squeezed your hand. “Oh, I will fucking end the trolls. Starting with the asshole who fucked up our door. Bet that idiot’s not expecting the FBI to come knocking.”

You giggled, and she pressed her forehead to yours and, for just a moment, everything was okay.

You knew that Emily couldn’t make you better. She wasn’t magic. And even the best relationships couldn’t take away all the hurt of the past. But Emily made it easier for you to make yourself better. She made you want to do the work. And, for that–and for so many other reasons–you’d love her forever.

[slippinninque]

Fontaine admits his crush?

🦋Butterflies💞

Fontaine x blackfemreader

warnings: fluff! Confessions of feelings, long fic, some,cursing, yearning.

Fontaine fully expected the flame of want would snuff itself out after a while.

He thought nothing of it, at first.

After that, Fontaine thought often of your laugh and the way you tilted your head back and forth when you're thinking out loud. He liked your pretty hand writing and how you couldn't hide a thing on your face.

It wasn't long before that flame he counted against turned into a steady light in the corner of his heart. You kept him company when you were away and when you were close, it was never enough.

You'd tell him that you worried about him, that you got something to show him that reminded you of him. Always effortless in your care--it made Fontaine needy for you.

Fontaine wasn't sure if he was ready but you made him want to be. He'd tell himself to stay away but it was a special torture when you didn't mind his weaknesses and welcomed him when he crawled back every time.

Not that you ever punished him or pushed him away.

He stopped trying so hard after enough failed attempts and lonely days. It would be enough to be near your light, just enough to chase the chill of his loneliness away.

Fontaine decided that needing would be enough, that loving wouldn't be fair to you as he couldn't possibly be the man you needed.

He could control himself. Fontaine could be selfless enough to let you be free.

------

Wouldn't it be his luck that as soon as Fontaine decides to keep his head to himself, you extend an invitation to the pumpkin patch.

You insisted that you needed help finding the perfect specimen and you only trusted him to take your process seriously. Fontaine decided then and there that no goddess of luck was looking out for him

From the early to mid afternoon, he trailed behind you as you lifted, thumped, and rolled every pumpkin you came across. You both had cinnamon donuts and the perfect cider settled in your bellies by the time you asked for one more go around.

Fontaine would stay out with you until the sky turned black and fell. He'd stay by your side until the oceans turned into sand and back to water again. He liked you. He like liked you...

You released a happy noise, "This is it! Finally!"

"I like you."

"Hm?

"Huh?"

You stared at where Fontaine crouched, looking just as stunned as he felt.

Fuck skipping, Fontaine felt like his heart was running through his chest screaming. You looked at him with those gorgeous eyes and Fontaine put a hand on the ground to strengthen his resolve.

It was a beautiful sight. You were in the middle of hugging the perfect pumpkin, at last. The lowering sun with you and the red-orange leaves at it's center.

"I like you. A lot," Fontaine blurted, "I've liked you from the day you asked me to change $5 outside the liquor store."

"You... remember that?"

" 'Course I do, girl. Just like I'd remember Christmas or Valentine's Day."

You blinked at him and your fingers came together around your prize. Tangling and twisting with the surprise of his hearing his words.

Fontaine couldn't stop now, not when his heart was still roaring through his chest. Not when you were looking at him like that. As if...hoping for more.

"I didn't want to say nothin', I didn't want to hold you up cause I know you got other shit, good shit, out there waiting for you. Its just. You're just..."

Fontaine opened his heart enough to let it shout for him.

He shook his head, forcing the words out of his closing throat.

"You're thoughtful and funny as hell. Just ain't pretty face, just a pretty spirit. I-I want to spend as much time with you as you allow. Can't keep pretending, feels too much like lying."

You sat down your perfect pumpkin and matched Fontaine's crouch, hand pressed to the earth next to his with sparkling eyes.

"I've been waiting for so long to hear you say that, Taine."

He finally ran out of words, out of thoughts as you helped him stand with you. Fontaine watched as you brushed away the dirt from his palms.

"You weren't subtle, bless you. Don't mind it cause I'm a bit slow on uptake. I wanted to be sure that you were sure."

Sure? Fontaine has never felt so absolute about anything.

"Sure as shit."

You chuffed a laugh. Both of your hands held onto his one and you batted her eyes at him.

"That night outside the Coney, when the others were inside still...you looked at me like you wanted something."

Fontaine put his free hand over yours. He remembers that night, you wore the sweetest smile when you saw Fontaine pulled up.

You continued on, "I was really hoping you'd kiss me then."

"I wanted to...you made me nervous." Fontaine couldn't resist teasing you. The jittery butterflies turned into happy, heavy moths. They flocked back to the growing lightness in his chest your giggle.

"Do I spook you now."

"Hm. Maybe if you put them pretty eyes away--a nigga need to catch his breath."

You rolled your eyes closed and your face tilted up expectantly. Fontaine stroked your face, savouring the feel of your sun-warmed cheeks and soft smile.

"Oh, Fontaine?

"Hm?"

Quick as a fox, you pecked his lips.

"Just wanted to say I like you, too. Okay. Carry on!"

Fontaine shook his head again as you peeked your eye open, squeaked, and closed it again.

"A'ight. Lemme see if I can get this right..."

"Let me take you to dinner?" He mostly asked, still feeling like he needed a pinch.

Fontaine tasted cider and vanilla on your lips. He chased the taste away by the second kiss, pulling back to watch you hum and try to follow.

"Of course! Pumpkins can wait, they'll be here."

"What about your lucky pumpkin?"

You waved him off easily, "I got what I wanted from the pumpkin magic. Let someone else get some blessings..."

You linked arms with him and cuddled close, a satisfied expression on your face as you rattled off options for dinner. Fontaine picked up your hand to kiss it because he could.

"I still want you to have your pumpkin. We can come back tomorrow."

"Really? You won't get bored of me?

The wind kicked up and leaves falling like congratulatory confetti around you both. You tilted your head against the breeze, eyes squinting up at him through the sun and your joy.

A sight he hoped to see every autumn until they ran no more.

"Really."

---------

✨ending notes:✨ i'm sorry anon that this took so long! i hope you enjoyed it and please feel free to drop more asks! I'm clearing out this drafts with the falling leaves lol! 🍂🍁🍂🍁

💕taglist:💞 @megamindsecretlair @thadelightfulone @mag1calenchantr3ss @cocoeffects @wide-nose-and-wonderful

@8ttached @soft-persephone @hobiesmain @thickeeparker @longpause-awkwardsmile

@ms-angiealsina @educatorsareslutstoo @mysterychick93 @sageispunk @hunnishive

@notapradagurl7 @mcondance @miyuhpapayuh @mogul93

@kindofaintrovert @blowmymbackout @kindofanenigma @harmshake

[finniestoncrane]

General!Harley x GN!Reader, word count: 1k commission: yippee!! thank you @unlucky-words for the treat of getting to write for harley again!! reader and harley have reuinted finally after meeting in college. now there's no criminal activity in the way of them hitting it off finally 🩷 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: fluff and flirting!!

Sometimes, the best place to come to feel alone was a busy bar on the weekends. Where you could get a drink, people watch, and feel assured that no one was going to interrupt the loner in the corner from whatever it was they were thinking over silently.

Not that night though. That night was not a solitary affair.

"Shut the fuck up!"

The shrill voice rang out over the top of the crowd, parting them like waves as the small but powerful source of the noise began to barrel towards you.

"This is like, kismet or somethin'!"

Before you could quite get your bearings, you were no long quietly sipping your drink at the table in the corner. Instead, you were being accosted, an immediately recognisable figure approaching your table, one you knew wasn't going to leave in a hurry, and not without a lot of talking first. And you weren't the least bit bothered by that. If it had been anyone else, you would have been. But not her, never her.

"Harley! Wow!"

You wanted to ask how she'd been, but you knew. It was impossible not to know. She was at the centre of most of the news in Gotham, even now, long after her highly publicised and very volatile break up with the Joker. Asking her what she had been up to or how she was feeling these days were both minefield subjects. And she seemed to know this herself as she began laughing and waved off your expression, surprise, shock and confusion all weighing heavily on your features.

"Yeah, yeah, I know! What's a gal like me doing in a reputable establishment such as this one? I could ask the same about you, y'know."

She elbowed your side, pushing you over so she could ease her way into the long bench seating beside you. Once she was close enough, she immediately pressed her body into yours, holding you in a hug so tight that her arms around you felt like a cage, her sweet smelling hair in your face.

"So! How have you been?"

Trying to avoid too much of anything that might sound like bragging, considering you were talking to someone who had gone through the worst and had been incarcerated several times since you had last been in touch with her, you filled Harley in on what you'd been doing since your time together at Gotham University.

She listened intently, so enthusiastic, asking questions, prying a little. You knew to expect that though. You knew Harley well, having gone through your doctoral programmes together. You'd seen her at her best and her worst, and everything in between.

"You don't gotta ask me how I've been doing, I'm sure that's everybody's news by now. But I can tell you the juicy stuff none of them know."

She winked, nudging you with her elbow again, an exaggerated smile as she tapped her nose. Instead of divulging any information that might have you on a list somewhere, she instead shared all of the good news from the past few months. Her time with the Birds of Prey seemed to really be good for her, and the excitement as she spoke about this new chapter of her life was palpable. You were happy for her, smiling along as she enthusiastically detailed her new apartment and what kind of stuff she was hoping to do with her new friends.

It felt like no time had passed between you both at all. Everything felt so easy with her, and it always had. There was no difficulty in talking to her, partly because she could have kept a conversation going in an empty room, but also because she made you so comfortable that the usual nerves and social anxiety that could plague a conversation just dissipated.

"I gotta be honest with you, though... I've missed ya."

"You have? You've been so busy though, I didn't think you'd have time to miss anyone, let alone me."

"Are you kidding!?"

She slapped your arm, a playful gesture, but with her surprising strength behind it, it kind of stung a little. Sensing that she might have been a bit too rough, she placed her palm against you, stroking your arm softly as she smiled. The gentle expression seemed so different to how she had been the rest of the night. It was genuine, vulnerable almost. A glimpse into her true self. The one you had spent long nights with in the library, crying and laughing together.

"Y'know, I always knew you'd be the one who did it right. I think that's why I missed you so much. You kept me on the straight and narrow, and then I took a big left turn into complete chaos."

You laughed as she did, although a sudden pang of guilt crossed over your mind. What if you had been able to pull her back? Would she be different? You didn't have time to dwell on that nasty little 'what if', however, as Harley was grabbing your hand and looking into your eyes with a strange sincerity.

"Not your fault or mine. Shit happens, huh? But... if it didn't seem too much like I was piggybacking on your good vibes... maybe we could, like, start fresh or somethin'?"

It took you a moment to reply. You were too busy thinking about how much fun you had with Harley, and how much you potentially could have now that you had been reunited with her.

"It can't be that hard to decide... you worried I might make you put on some clown makeup and rob a bank?"

You weren't. But who knew? If Harley asked, maybe you would.

"I'd like that Harley. The... start over thing! Not the circus themed heist."

She leaned in and placed a soft kiss to your cheek, standing up from the table and leaving you with a card, her number hastily scribbled onto it.

"Good. It's a date then, sweetie!"

[mosaickiwi]

Hey! Just a heads up, english is not my first language, so sorry if something sounds off! But first let me just say your writing is so good and the way you write [REDACTED] gives me so many feels like i can't even :') About the request, i've been kinda up to the neck in work (college likes to bury us in group projects, reports, exams, surgery preparations and hospital shifts all at the same time because time? what is that? :'D ) so if it's okay, could i ask for some [REDACTED] comfort where +

mialuna4 asked: + Angel, who's been trying to compromise by working close to him, finally gets a bit to properly relax with them? Thank you, take care of yourself and I hope you have a wonderful week! (Hope its okay to send this in two parts)

Thank you! School + healthcare work is tough so I hope you've been taking care of yourself as well. <3

14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI

~A Little Free Time~

“I can't believe I'm done,” you sighed with relief. Even though you’d started in the morning, the sun was already setting by now.

The last assignment you had was finally finished. At least for the moment, there was time to unwind. [REDACTED] was quick to take advantage of it. Your bed creaked as he got up. The moment you shut your laptop, he dragged your chair away from the desk.

You weren't sure what you expected, but you were grateful when his hands came to rest on either side of your temple. Cool fingers began to massage in small circles to soothe the headache you hadn't noticed until then.

“Feel better?” you heard him say after a few minutes of bliss. The ache faded as you let out a pleasurable hum in response. “Good.”

His touch disappeared and your seat was gently spun to face him. You reached out for them, taking the chance to stretch as best you could once you were finally standing and tangled up in their embrace.

God, you'd been sitting in that chair for hours. “I never wanna use my brain again,” you jokingly whined into his chest before looking up. “Sorry it took so long.”

“S’alright, Angel. I missed you.” Dark hair brushed against your cheek as he leaned down to press his lips to yours. You were surprised by the fervent, almost desperate kiss he gave that took your breath away.

“But you've been here with me the whole time?” you wondered out loud once they pulled back to let you breathe again. Your work had absorbed the majority of your focus, but you were certain you would’ve noticed if he left the room outside of the breaks he made sure you took.

He didn’t answer right away, though the yearning in his eyes spoke for itself as he scooped you up in his arms and settled down on the bed. Your boyfriend didn’t miss you so much as your attention.

It’d been an exhausting few weeks. You couldn’t remember the last time you really got to do anything but work or projects, especially with him. All you could manage was letting him sit in the room with you.

Now that he had you situated in his lap, [REDACTED] seemed much calmer. His arms crossed over your front as if you were a doll he wanted to cling to. You felt the warmth of their breath tickling along your neck as they took their time to kiss and nibble any spot they could find. “Fuck, I really missed you,” he repeated in an aching whisper that you weren’t meant to hear.

“I missed you too,” you laughed. “There’s still a little bit of light out. Wanna head somewhere?” You couldn’t really think of anywhere to go, but surely you’d find something to do at the pier. The shops always stayed open well past midnight there.

He only groaned and rested his forehead on your shoulder. “Yeah. Jus’ let me recharge.” From the way he spoke, anyone else would think he was the one who’d been busy. You knew he was just happy to have you back.

You reached up to lightly rub the top of his head, and you swore you heard him purring. “On second thought, let’s just stay here.”

“Whatever y’wanna do s’fine with me,” he muttered into your back. But the way he clung to you kept you right where you were.

[redvexillum]

Hey there my sweetest, beloved Vexi ♡

I just wanted to share something personal with you that you can then share with others because I know that they feel the same.

Writing has always been my passion. It's been the one thing that has kept me afloat in my life. Regardless of whether people love my writing or hate it, I would continue for the sake of continuing because it is my life.

But when I rejoined fandom spaces, I was terrified after hearing stories of how the culture had changed significantly. Interaction is lower, and hate has unfortunately always made its home in these communities. Given I share fanfiction solely to share with the aforementioned communities, I found myself afraid that I would get hate messages. I was afraid I wouldn't have a community that would stand up for me if that were to happen. While it would never deter me from what I love, I was scared that friendships and positivity were long dead in this space. Fandom felt lonely.

You know what though? I have met wonderful person after wonderful person. And then I met you too. There you are, getting some of the most horrendous messages I've ever seen sent to another human being, and you continue to push for positivity - smiling and laughing with us about how much you just want to see people happy.

Then you went on to start share some of the wonderful messages you recieved throughout that ordeal, only to begin writing positive affirmations and thoughts for us. Once upon a time, I struggled to accept this sort of positivity, I will admit that. When I was having a rough time, I would often see messages like that as 'hollow' for a lack of better words. I would be angry or bitter that others could think like that when I struggled so much to feel like those words should have meant something to me.

While time has passed since I was that person, I still remember the feeling of hopelessness, yet that doesn't deter from the fact that people like you - and countless others - single handedly restored my faith in these communities.

People like you remind me why I cling to my ideals of treating everyone with kindness no matter what. To try to understand other people. To help others. These are all things that bring us closer together. People like you, @silva-daemonium, @fraugwinska, @macabr3-barbi3, @chrisemrysfics, @melodyonthewireless, @dewdropdinosaur, @xalygatorx, @kewpikayo, @jurijyuu, @jalicecookie, AND SO MANY MORE do so much to support those around you.

All of this came about because I wanted to say thank you for posting those short little messages of encouragment. I know that I have appreciated them. Sure, they might seem a little cheesy to me on a morning when I'm tired - but they really make me smile, and prepare me to tackle whatever the day gives.

You're the beating heart of positivity.

It's a fairytale ending to the horror stories I expected.

I know that other people will see this too, so I just wanted to wish everyone that sees this a relaxing morning, afternoon, evening - timezone in general! You're here, and you've worked hard to be here all this time. Everything you've needed to do to achieve that, you've done. That's huge. I'm so proud of everyone, and my DMs are always open to anyone who might be struggling or just wants to talk. I'll always aim to help my community in the same way that Vexi has demonstrated.

Love to you all, and again, thank you for your messages, Vexi!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Cirice, I honestly don’t have the words to fully capture how much your kindness means to me. You are truly one of the most thoughtful, beautiful souls I’ve ever had the honor to meet, and I can’t thank you enough for your words. Knowing that something I’ve done has made even a small impact on people like you is still so surreal to me. I’m just deeply grateful that you’re part of this community.

You and so many others are the reason why I’ve stayed here longer than in any other fandom. It’s been the most heartwarming experience. This community, especially people like you, has genuinely transformed my perspective on what fandoms can be: a space filled with compassion, creativity, and connection.

Thank you for sharing your story, for giving me (and others) a piece of your heart. I hope your words reach others, inspiring them to create, to feel they belong, and to understand how wonderful it is to be part of something like this. Knowing we’re all here together, finding meaning in these connections, it makes the world feel a little less lonely and a lot brighter. 💖

Also tagging the people that didn't get properly tagged because tumblr is broken: @dewdropdinosaur @xalygatorx @kewpikayo @jurijyuu @jailcecookie

[burningdaybreak]

Rekindle the flame Pre-Event Thoughts

Hello everyone, it's been a little while. First of all I wanted to say that I'm sorry for going on a small hiatus; I've had a full essay pretty much ready to post for a while now, with just a few things to fix, but I lost motivation for a few weeks and when I regained the motivation to fix it, Akito5 was already very close, so it may have become outdated pretty quickly. And so I'll leave to post it for after this event's done. Akito5, or rather, Rekindle the flame, was announced today, and I wanted to give my thoughts and predictions on the story before it starts, and then write a proper essay about it after the event (I will be tiering so it's unlikely I post it during the event). I will try to get back into writing essays again starting from here! Thank you to everyone who supports me and likes the things I write. (Disclaimer: I haven't proofread this much, sorry if there's any mistakes.)

[Event Summary]

After surpassing RAD WEEKEND, the members of Vivid BAD SQUAD are now striving for their next goal: to take over the world. While each member is slowly moving forward towards their goal, Akito, on the other hand, seems to have something on his mind...

Translation by: Project Sekai ENG (Unofficial) (@pjsekai_eng on Twitter)!

1. Event Thoughts

The story seems to be pretty much what everybody expected: Akito feeling lost or even burnt out after surpassing RAD WEEKEND, and thinking about what comes next. Akito is someone who exclusively focused on his dream of surpassing RAD WEEKEND, not giving much thought to the future and what would come after that. His thoughts about the future were pretty much limited to focusing on how he could still improve more, and how his current skill level wasn't enough. Pushing forward, recklessly and without giving it much thought, never stopping to think what's next, Akito has always focused on just keeping going ahead. He doesn't really think twice and just follows his heart. However, now that RAD WEEKEND, the one thing he was chasing after, the thing that kept the fire in him alive, that made his heart start moving again, etc., has been reached and even surpassed... the fire in him has been burnt out. He has achieved his dream, so what's next? As mentioned, this direction for Akito's character was quite expected. The feeling of thinking "well, now what?", feeling completely lost and empty, after accomplishing something you've been trying to reach for years is something I understand very well and a very real thing.

Even though he should be proud and happy of how far he has come and what he has achieved, and deep down he is, he has also lost the thing that was giving his life a meaning. He needs a new goal in life, something that will light up the fire in him again. While he loves music, and singing with his teammates and especially his partner, and "taking over the world" is definitely the new goal he'll chase after, Akito most likely wants a more personal dream, something that is truly meant for him.

Personally, as a big fan of Akito and Touya's relationship and a big believer of aiboulove, I would think that the direction of the story would be Akito realizing that this new "goal" of his is Touya: realizing that he wants to forever sing with him, always wanting to be by his side, and so on. While this isn't exactly a new thing, in this event Akito would realize that, even though his dream has been reached, and he may not be able to find a new dream just yet, there is something that will never change: his partner. With mutual feelings of love, and wanting to stay together and sing together and reach their dreams — that's right, together, Akito doesn't have to think that hard about what comes next, because, as long as Touya is with him, Akito will always have something to look forward to — his one and only partner. This isn't to discredit his relationship with Kohane and An though, he's happy to have teammates that support him and will sing with him even when he's not sure of where to go next, but the bond with your partner just goes beyond that. That may have been a bit confusing, so my idea for the story is more or less like this: Akito realizing that it doesn't matter what he does next, as long as Touya (and the rest of his team) is by his side and singing with him, he doesn't have to worry that much about the future. He loves music, his teammates, and his partner, and as long as he has that, he'll just keep moving forward. Or perhaps I am wrong and Akito does find a new goal, and it's barely related to Touya, but considering we haven't had BAD DOGS-centered content in years and their relationship progress mostly having been established things (like the flashback in Len's World Link chapter) or minor stuff, with An and Kohane's relationship having gotten big development earlier this year, I think it makes sense to think the story will be centered on Akito and Touya's relationship. (Or in a more crude way, we're quite due for a true aibouyaoi bomb) The event could also not be centered on Akito and Touya's relationship, and I'm really too yaoipilled (lol), but it's hard to imagine what else it could be centered on in the sense of what could give Akito a "reason to live" once again; although maybe it's related to that mysterious new NPC at the end of OVER RAD SQUAD!!? And I can't really predict that much, haha. Looking forward to how they'll surprise me.

Another thing to mention is Akito and Kohane's card names: Vaguely translated, Kohane's card name is "To be worthy"; This gives some things to think about. Similar to Touya and An until Whip the wimp girl!!, Akito and Kohane haven't had a meaningful interaction... well, ever (which is a bit wild, considering we just celebrated the fourth anniversary). The most one could think of is the Vivid BAD SQUAD main story part of Akito barking at Kohane. There is parallels between Akito and Kohane the same way there is between Touya and An — Akito and Kohane have always been the two characters who pushed forward in VBS without doubting themselves, mainly being positive about their goal and singing, while Touya and An are the two characters that doubted themselves and their abilities and ran away and avoided confrontation with their partners. This parallel can kind of be seen in their World Link cards, with Akito and Kohane getting cards with a "positive" vibe and a cartoony art style, while An and Touya were more "negative", a more realistic style, and darker vibe? In WTWG, Touya was able to help An since he related to how An felt about Kohane; so, likewise, Kohane could help Akito with the trouble he is going through. The card name "To be worthy" leads me to think that, now that Akito's doubting himself, or rather is feeling lost and burnt out and without a purpose, Kohane may talk with him and push him in the right direction, once again, making him realize things. While I would like for Akito's issue's resolution to be related to Touya, and it'd be a good parallel to Touya and An's talk about Kohane, I would be fine with anything, really.

Then, we have Akito's card, vaguely translated as "Smoldering Feelings". This is a fun name because, once again, as expected of him, Akito is related to the concept of fire. Smoldering means something that is burning slowly; with smoke but no flame — really driving home the point that Akito is going through a sort of burnout, the fire in him having been kind of extinguished. In the card itself, he's sitting on a chair, looking down pensive and even sad, thinking about things. "When your hyperfixation wears off", as my good buddy artemis jokingly said. While it's not in the frame, I've seen people suggest he may be watching something on his phone — maybe footage of RAD WEEKEND or RAD BLAST, in order to feel something again. "Smoldering" really ties in with Akito's thoughts in OVER RAD SQUAD!!, during his final performance:

🥞 — It doesn't matter if it's god, or buddha, or whatever else. 🥞 Once this is over, I'll give all of myself up. 🥞 But just for today, just in this moment — give it to me. 🥞 The strength to sing until all that's left are my ashes—!

He burnt everything at the end of his journey in order to reach his goal, and now, only smoke and ashes remain, ... but he will light up the fire again, because that's what he always does: push forward, no matter what.

2. Conclusion

In summary, Rekindle the flame is an event about Akito lighting up the flame inside him once again (as the event name very well puts), now that he accomplished his dream in life. As someone who has always pushed forward without thinking about the future, it makes sense he's going through a burnout period, a moment where he's lost on what's next. Although he definitely has a new goal he wants to chase after (to take over the world), and he still loves music, his partner, and his teammates, I imagine Akito wants something that is truly for him — something that belongs to him, that will make his heart start moving, once again. Personally, I think that, perhaps, he won't exactly find a goal of his own just yet, but he will realize there is already things that he can chase after, forever... something that will always be with him, by his side, and even chasing after dreams with him... someone he has helped before; and so, now it's his turn to help Akito find a way out... (thats cheesy)

... So, in those times where you've hit a wall... rely on me more!

While I may be being a bit delusional here, I would love if the story took that direction, but I am fine with them surprising me with something else! And even if the story is not akty focused, there's always aibou content in some form. We always win.

3. Afterword

I'm very excited for this event... though it's also a bit scary because I have expectations for the story, and I hope I'm not disappointed when they turn out wrong, which could very well happen. Oh shit I forgot to mention his room. We're finally seeing his room after four years? That's great. (coughs) Sorry. Anyways, thank you for reading! I'll try to write a proper essay for this event once I'm done reading it. As I said at the start, I will be tiering, so unsure if I'll be able to release it while the event's ongoing...! But look forward to something new soon!

[mccn-bcys]

First Date - Javier Peña

pairing: javier peña x fem!reader summary: connie has a new friend in Columbia and she sets her and javi up on blind date. javi gets nervous, but over dinner he finds that he really likes her and wants to see her again. warning: nervous javi, this is my first fic since my break so please go easy on me. author's note: I know this fic was supposed to go out in february but I've been in a bit of a rut for a while but I've missed writing so I wanted to start trying to get these feb stories out. I really hope you all enjoy it!

To say that Javier Pena was nervous was an understatement. He was many things right now.

“A fuckin’ mess is what I am,” he bitterly says as he looks over his outfit in the mirror. It’s the fifth outfit he has tried on and he still doesn’t think it looks good. Why did his clothes suddenly not look good on him? He practically rips his clothes off himself as he heads back to the closet to find something else.

How did he even get here in the first place?

Oh, that’s right. Steve fucking Murphy. Well, his wife, really, but still. Connie had decided to try and play matchmaker with Javier and her friend that was new in town. And before Javier could say “no”, Connie had already set up the blind date.

He didn’t really want to do this. It’d been a long time since he’d been on a date. But he couldn’t help but feel nervous, a bit excited. For some reason, he wanted to make a good first impression, even if it never went past this first date.

Connie had said that the girl was nice, sweet. Why the hell Connie thought that a girl like that would be good for Javier, he had no idea. His life was too dark, dangerous, unexpecting. A girl as sweet, as kind, as good as you didn’t really seem to fit into his life. But a strange, demented part of him wanted to give it a shot. To see if there really was a chance for him to love again.

After what happened with Lorraine, he didn’t think he deserved love, not real love. The last time he had a chance for love, for happiness and sharing it with another person, he had fucked it up. He had left a woman at the altar. What kind of man does that? He doesn’t deserve another chance at love.

But here he was, trying anyways. He shrugs on this new shirt he’s pulled from the closet, deciding that it will just have to do as he finishes getting ready quickly. He grabs stuff and hops in his car and drives to the restaurant that Steve told him to meet at. Javi sits in his car for a moment, just calming himself. This is fine, he tells himself. It’s just a first date, nothing serious has to come from it. He’s gone on plenty of dates before. He can do this. Taking a final deep breath, he climbs out of his car and makes his way inside.

When he gets inside, he expects to learn that he is the first to arrive, but as he’s escorted to the table, he learns that you had beaten him there. He stops a few feet away, taking a second to look at you as you sit, fiddling with your napkin.

You’re beautiful, he thinks. You dressed up a lot nicer than he had, not that that mattered; he was sure you looked just as beautiful in a T-shirt and sweats. Fuck, now he just has to not make a fool of himself. Should be easy, right?

“Javier?” Nope, this would not be easy. Not if you kept saying his name like that.

“Yeah, hey,” he says, approaching the table cautiously. You smile, standing up and reaching out your hand to him. He looks at it for a moment before realizing you mean to shake his. Jesus Christ, Pena, at least try to act like you’ve interacted with people before. He meets your hand with his and gives it a small shake. God, your hand was so small in his.

“Hey,” you say softly, introducing yourself, keeping your hand in his for a moment, perhaps a moment longer than necessary. He repeats your name quietly, testing how it sounds rolling off his tongue. Obviously, you like how it sounds because your smile grows. “I went ahead and ordered some wine, I hope you don’t mind,” you say shyly as you take your hand back and sit down.

“Not at all. I hope you haven’t been waiting long.” He’d kick himself if you’d been here awhile by yourself.

“Oh, I only got here a few minutes ago. They just asked if I wanted anything and I was scared if I said I was waiting for someone, they’d assume I was going to get stood up or something,” you chuckle nervously, brushing your hair behind your ear. For a brief moment, he wonders if your hair feels as soft as it looks.

“If I’m honest, I almost did. Stand you up, I mean,” he admits almost shamefully.

“If I’m honest, I almost did, too,” you say in return shyly. His eyebrows furrow a little. He hadn’t been expecting that.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was so close to turning my car around on my way here a couple of times.”

“Why?” he asks, as if he hadn’t almost done the same.

“I don’t really do blind dates. They freak me out,” you say, laughing a little. Javi can’t help but laugh too as the sound of yours is melodic and contagious.

“They freak you out?”

“Mhm. I could be set up with a murder or something. The person could be a psycho and I’d have no idea because I wouldn’t know who it is before I got here,” you explain. “Also, if you don’t know who you’re meeting, how’re you supposed to know if the other person got there or not. If Connie hadn’t put the reservation under Steve’s name, I probably wouldn’t have known if you’d gotten here or not,” you add on, before flushing as you realize you’re rambling a bit.

“Sorry, I tend to ramble when I get nervous,” you say softly, fiddling with your napkin again.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s cute,” Javi smiles at you, making your cheeks hot. “But you’re right. I don’t think I would’ve known I was supposed to meet you if they hadn’t made the reservation.”

“Well, I suppose we have at least that to thank them for,” you shrug with a soft chuckle. “Perhaps if this goes well, we’ll have more to thank them for.”

After that, the date flies by. You two laugh, talk, laugh some more and just get to know one another. Javi realizes he opened up to you more than he usually does with dates. You’re just so easy to talk to. And before he wants to, he finds himself walking you back to your car.

His hands are stuffed in his pockets as you stand in front of him, softly biting you lip – which drives him crazy – trying to find anything else to talk about to extend this date as much as you can. And when you do run out of ways to stall, you both just stare at each other before Javier finds himself asking: “Can I kiss you?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” you smile, a gesture that returns, relieved to hear your answer in the positive.

Stepping in, he softly cups your cheek, looking down at you for a moment before he finally leans in, his lips meeting yours. You both swear the world stops spinning as your lips seem to fit together so perfectly. He can taste the wine on your lips, getting intoxicated by the taste of you mixed with the drink. He could kiss you all night. But you both need air and eventually have to pull away to breathe, foreheads pressing together as you catch your breath.

“Can I see you again?” Javi asks quietly, surprising himself.

“Absolutely,” you answer, making him smile wide, leaning in to kiss you again. When you pull away, the two of you exchange phone numbers, promising to call when you’ve made it home to talk about setting up another date, hopefully soon.

He sees you into your car, making sure you drive off safely before going back to his car, a goofy little grin on his lips as he sits behind the wheel. He hasn’t felt these butterflies in his belly since … ever. Maybe Connie knew what she was doing after all.

The whole drive home, Javi can only find himself thinking about you and your date and your future dates. And when he gets inside, he heads straight to the phone, catching the voicemail that you’d made it home. He’ll call you back in just a moment, knowing there’s another phone call he needs to make first. He dials the number, waiting as it rings until he hears the “Peña?”

“Tell your wife I said thanks.”

______________________________________________________________

taglist: @gardenof-venus @fandomtrash465 @ichigodjarin @bladeshades @pinkpenwuin @sm3rqld-o @simplecol18 @sleepyamaya @wordacadabra @sm8th0p @firesidefandoms @missmarmaladeth @stevenandmarcslove @avengersinitiative2012 @cleothegoldfish @lunaleah @winxschester @shadowmoonnight @undermoonlightwalk @ahookedheroespureheart @phan3145 @local-mr-frog @theconsultingdoctor10 @luvpedropascal @violet-19999 @an0th3rsss @iamcoolguy @disregardedplant @fruitymoonbeams-blog @xcraftystormx @marisferasiop @bensolosbluesaber @rellasnowheenim @quethekillerqueen @jake-g-lockley @whydidigetalibralartsdegree @moonknightwifey @spacecowboyhotch @howaboutcastiel @princessloveweird @minigirl87 @midgardian-witch @aleat0ri0 @leahnicole1219 @acciocriativity @missxlause @yeah3459 @groovycass @kotonei-molyneux @marc-spectorr @toracainz

[lemotmo]

:( Thoughts on Ryan (love him) saying buddie isn’t happening in the nicest way he possibly could?

Hey Nonny!

Okay, I'll be honest. I don't know how to feel about this article. It's all over the place and a little confusing.

First and foremost, I love how Ryan shares this beautiful message of inclusivity and acceptance. He is so well-spoken and I just love him for that.

Second, I've been in this fandom since season 1 and I've been rooting for Buck and Eddie since season 2. Both were very heavily queer-coded and their natural chemistry was amazing. It has since come to light that bi Buck was supposed to have happened in season 4, therefore we can conclude that queer Eddie would have also happened eventually. In my eyes Eddie was even more queer-coded than Buck.

I never ever expected Buddie to go canon in all those years. I was more than happy to live in Buddie fanon-land. No worries about canon. I even almost gave up on the show itself after the season 6 finale because of the horrible writing, but I mustered the strength to keep watching.

And then season 7. A breath of fresh air. The atmosphere between the actors was different, there was this sense of anticipation and joy among them.

The first Ryan and Oliver interviews came out, gushing about all things Buddie and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. They were actually talking about the ship I loved so much. They haven't stopped talking about Buddie ever since. Even the article mentioned above is, in essence, still about Buddie.

And then the show began. The first episodes were stellar. I loved the cruise episodes so much. And then 7x04 happened. Buck came out as bisexual and for the first time in all those years in the Buddie fandom, I realised that there would finally be a chance for them. I didn't vibe with Tommy, still don't to be honest (I don't like him all that much), but I accepted he was there for the time being. I didn't quite understand why everyone was so happy with Tommy, but I stuck it out anyway.

Then there was the Marisol situation that was handled as comedy when it turned out she was a nun once and Eddie had so much catholic guilt he couldn't have sex with her anymore. Strange storyline, but it was a great introduction to Eddie's Catholic guilt.

Everything in the narrative, all the nuances, all the dialogue, all the strange and questionable choices they keep making on the show, keep pushing Buck and Eddie together. Tommy and Marisol only appear when the narrative needs them. They are there to serve the plot.

Ryan didn't completely shut Buddie down. He kept a window open. I have to believe there is a reason for that.

I don't have inside information and I can't see the future, but as for now I'm still firmly on the Buddie train, destination endgame. I have to believe that there is a chance for them. I have to believe that they will get there eventually. I have to believe that Eddie will be free as well someday, free to be who he is. I also don't see either of them ever being as happy with Tommy or Marisol as they could be with each other. Them ending up with Tommy and Marisol would be deeply unsatisfying endings for me after 6 years in the trenches.

If, by the end of season 7, they have doubled down on Buck/Tommy and -god forbid- Eddie/Marisol, I will be disappointed, no lies there. And I'll probably wait out s8 for a while, see what the tone is and where they are going. I couldn't stay away for too long, because I love all the characters so much. This is a great show, even without my Buddie-glasses on.

Yeah, if canon Buddie isn't in the cards in the future, I'll go back to my little Buddie-fanon corner of this fandom. I lived there for 6 years. I can do it again. Happily so. Worry free.

But for now, there are still 4 episodes to go. No doubt they will be filled with great characters, actions and Buddie-moments. I'm choosing to focus on that for now. This show isn't over yet.

[berrypass-de-murdler]

About the Murdle fandom. (long post)

I have made vent posts before, but this is less of a vent post and more of explaining the specifics of the situation, which I have not yet shared my perspective on publicly. I know it's a long post but please, please for my sake read it.

I joined Tumblr because I wanted to be a part of the Murdle fandom.

It started with Raven. She was the only person on DeviantArt (where I started) other than me who posted Murdle art, so I summoned the courage to talk to her. I'm glad I did. She ended up one of my best friends, not just in the fandom, but period.

After a while, I more or less left DeviantArt and moved entirely to Tumblr to focus on the Murdle cartoon. For a while, she was the only reader, until I was joined by RoyalleBlue, my best friend on Tumblr.

And I would also like to shoutout kirvee, electricskelecomics, foxglove.woods, and murdleandmarot for providing support

Raven invited me to the Detective Fanclub Discord server. I was extremely nervous coming in but was welcomed by electricskelecomics and a few others. I wasn't used to a public server and had intense anxiety, but was slowly warming up to talking.

Eventually I was comfortable enough to talk regularly about Murdle. Raven posted AU information about Logico, and I jokingly called her out for 'hurting my babi boi'. Another user suddenly publicly called me out for 'infantilizing' characters, completely humiliating me. They gave an indirect apology (through Raven) apologizing because they 'knew I was fragile'. I left the server, to then which a mod followed me to DMs and criticized me for leaving for a long while until I stopped responding and they finally let it go.

To this day I am very uncomfortable when the server is brought up and often fall into another depression cycle.

I generally felt better here on Tumblr. Even though I didn't get much attention, I still had Blue and Raven.

I however seemed to unknowingly be making an enemy. A prominent user in the Tumblr Murdle fandom who I had never spoken to directly but had still liked the posts of and who indirectly said I was 'very cool' at one point began completely avoiding me, although I'm not sure exactly when it started. Initially I figured they just didn't read the series, which is fine, but they also ignored my art while usually liking and reblogging every other Murdle art post. This kept increasing to the point where they no longer interacted with Blue simply for being friends with me, and refused to acknowledge art that I was even tagged in.

At this point I could tell that it was personal, and yet I still don't have the faintest idea of what caused the grudge, as again, I never spoke to this person. They blocked me at one point before unblocking me the next day (and still avoiding me). Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, I sent them one non-aggressive message explaining why I felt like I had to block them and did. It hurt me, because I knew this was a very nice person otherwise and someone I wanted to be friends with initially.

It doesn't matter if it's not direct, targeted avoidance hurts. Every time someone other than me, Blue, or Raven made a Murdle post now, I'd get a harsh reminder of the fact that I was being ignored on purpose.

The depression I've gotten from all this is more severe than one might expect. I just wanted to join a community with the people who also love my new favorite thing. Murdle was the only thing making me happy through a dark time, and now it just makes me think of the people who berated me on Discord and avoided me on Tumblr.

I hate thinking of the book like this. I find it, needless to say, amazing in every way which is why I dedicate so much time and effort to it. Designing characters isn't easy. Writing isn't easy. I only wanted some appreciation for my efforts. I don't mind if people aren't interested in the cartoon. But the personal offenses are getting to be too much.

Thank you for reading this. I want to be free to continue my work that I love making so much.

[alizaphale]

I've been walking around with an idea for a Good Omens AU "human - teachers" slowly taking shape in my head for a while but it was never clear or urgent enough to actually put pen to paper. Yesterday though I finally started writing again and I have this familiar feeling of "I need to write this, I need to see their journey, I need to see them happy in the end!" Yay! I have missed that feeling so much since finishing my GO long fic!

I won't start publishing before I'm not a little further into writing it, but I needed to shout somewhere that I am back at writing. Hope you'll understand! Here's a little unpolished snippet of what I've written today:

"Seems like you’n’I are the only ones left,“ he suddenly heard a drawl from behind his chair. He turned, and his brain needed a few moments to take in the sight in front of him.

[...]

"Uhm. Well, yes. It appears so,“ Aziraphale finally replied. Then he held out his hand. "Aziraphale Fell,“ he said, since he wasn’t entirely sure that Mr Crowley would know him by name.

"Yeah, I know who you are,“ he replied, waving a hand nearly dismissively and ignoring Aziraphale’s offer of a handshake, "you’re the English guy, doing the plays and getting the kids to read. Always catch at least one of the year 8s reading under the table when they come from your class.“

Aziraphale wasn’t quite sure if this was meant as a compliment or a complaint so he kept his mouth shut and waited.

"Anthony Crowley. Just call me Crowley though. Never liked Anthony,“ Crowley continued with a smirk.

"Delighted to meet you, Crowley,“ Aziraphale said, biting his tongue immediately after those words had left his mouth. Make an even bigger fool of yourself, why don’t you, he scolded himself internally. Crowley’s smile widened.

"Aw, there’s still people out here talking like that, ey? Or did you drop out of one of those 19th century novels? Or just read too many of them?“, Crowley shot him a teasing look that left Aziraphale slightly breathless.

"As you might have noticed, I said delighted to meet you. Not delighted to make your acquintance, which would have been the proper reply during the 19th century. Seems like I should lend you some books as well,“ Aziraphale took Crowley’s remark in stride and raised his eyebrow. Aziraphale rarely needed more than a pointed look and a raised eyebrow to tell a student that they were toeing a line, and he couldn’t help but tease Crowley with his best teacher look. It seemed to work.

"Ngk.“

"Maybe reading would help with your vocabulary as well.“

At that, Crowley threw his head back and gave a full body laugh.

"Oh, here I thought I’d have a little defenseless angel as my partner, but turns out you can be quite the bastard, can’t you?!,“ he roared, delighted.

"I reckon that no angel would ever be defenseless, with the heavenly powers backing them up,“ Aziraphale remarked. He had never expected to stand here, bantering with Anthony J. Crowley, but he was really enjoying himself doing just that.

"True,“ Crowley replied, biting back on the laughter. „Angel it is then, and we won’t mention the bastard side of you ever again. Now let’s compare timetables to get those bloody lesson observations out of the way.“

[afternoonblues]

finally after almost 2 weeks, i've finished re-watching the raven of inner palace anime, re-read the first 5 volumes of the LN & completed the last and final 2 volumes. thus, concluding the whole series. (now, spoilers ahead!)

this is gonna be a long, a very much selfish ramble because i have so many things to say and so many feelings to feel so i just want to take things slowly and try to as carefully as possible articulate, for me to look back. i will probably talk about many characters along with the ones i had already mentioned during my first read of the vol. 1-5 during march of this year.

first of all, i didn't really expect that the inevitable sadness i felt while reading this story for the first time would resurface again. i almost deluded myself into thinking that i would easily skim through the 5 vols without much hesitations but...i was wrong. every single feelings rose up like steam from the hidden corners of my memory. but not just that, i could also additionally learn more about certain characters like senri, shiki, yozetsu and even eisei.

at certain parts of the story, i felt like i was reading again for the first time, feeling conflicted about certain characters like hakurai, shiki, banka (for example, why would she do that? why would she tell her father about jusetsu's secret even after all that knowing contemplations?) and her brothers but later as more pages were turned and we move along with the story, i understand her perspective and later, in the last two vols, her brothers too. it was serene how everything wrapped up at the end for these four siblings. they sort of became free of as ko jokingly said the curse put by their own father.

because we're on the topic of the ending, i'm gonna be honest, i was genuinely scared because i didn't want it to be too heartwrenching. i don't think i would've loved that feeling in my heart and soul. i am actually genuinely happy with how all the strings tied up at the end. all characters get their sufficient ending, albeit not all so satisfactory as we would all want but still there's not much of a tinge of utter sadness. except for, i guess, shin. but i will write about that a bit later.

the last paragraphs of the ending put such a big smile on my face. it was bittersweet, yes, but still an honest one. nothing out of ordinary and as i would expect of our main two protagonists. i liked that koshun and jusetsu never said any words of eternal parting during their last physical encounter (while they were still young). koshun said, "that's enough for today" after each of them placed their individual go stones. they kept communicating through sumaru, the star raven, the raven's original apparatus. i liked that their one common connection was the game of go. you know, i was washing my face this afternoon after finishing the final volume and realized something.

the go stones are black and white. remember how koshun said something along the lines - the moon has both shade and light. but koshun and jusetsu is both shade and light as well. they're not just two things respectively. both of them are inevitably a single thing - the moon. two halves of single entity. go stones are black and white. the moon too is both black and white, when in shade and when in light. therefore, this playing of go is the only thing that keeps them as one. this is that auspicious thing of their that they carry while on this journey of a relationship they have, regardless of how vast and distant it might be. i just...couldn't stop thinking about it. i really don't know if this is what it is supposed to mean but it is simply just my wishful interpretation. i will not enforce this theory upon anyone to agree with me.

i'm just glad that the hope and perhaps a dream that koshun had which is them still playing go even when they're elderly came true, after all. especially when he was not the emperor anymore and tied down by the shackles of the imperial ground. at the end of their lives, they were finally free. perhaps in next lives, they will become more closer and nothing will seperate them.

i was also glad that the story simply didn't end with jusetsu becoming free of the raven. i was worried that she would end up becoming a lone wanderer and go onto living a solitary life without at least a few people she made meaningful connections with. the absolute delight for me was when i read how not just onkei and tankai but jiujiu herself ending up tagging along with jusetsu on her path in becoming a sea merchant under the teachings of chitoku, kajo's father. i liked it very much when jiujiu was so adamant at joining her niangniang when she was embarking on the journey to find the other half of raven at je island. jiujiu knew that if she didn't, she would never be able to see her again. so good job on that, jiujiu!

as for tankai and onkei, i kind of expected them to tag along with jusetsu even when she would be free of all the shackles. this part was very much clear to me during the golden goblet chapter, involving tankai. the air changed after that time. the perfect found family to ever exist, i would say.

also the development of onkei's emotional openness with jusetsu was a nice thing to watch. he was practically distraught when jusetsu's soul drifted away. his realisation that at time of her imminent danger, he couldn't do anything. this never changed. he became overly conscious with the outmost safety and well being of jusetsu. things shifted in him after this incident and it continued till the end of the story. his feelings reflected more on his face and he became more open to talk and not just guard her out of liability. i think tankai remained almost the same. the only thing was that he was more honest and straightforward with jusetsu. his dynamic with jiujiu balanced out the reserved nature of both jusetsu and onkei, creating the perfect equilibrium.

as for kajo, i also believe that her ending was perfect too. that last encounter between kajo and jusetsu though....man, i teared up. also our girl told kajo that her father keeps her childhood shoes with him as an auspicious item while travelling on sea waters. for kajo who always thought that her father didn't think much of her, this must have come like a whirlwind for her along with the imminent departure of her beloved amei, jusetsu who finally...finally!!!! called her aje as she said her farewell.

oh, kajo, i cried with you. but i was so happy that koshun never abandoned her, which i knew he would never. and, i simply knew no one could've been a better empress than her. her taking in banka's child and adoring him is something i expected from her. even banka herself knows her son was in better hands. kajo has always been one of my favourite female characters in this story. since day one i haven't had a single conflicting thought about her. she was always so dignified and well-defined. truly the best aje jusetsu could ever ask for and i too agree that there's no way she could ever repay her back. it's a good feeling that it was kajo's father who took jusetsu under his wing, therefore, i would like to believe that the thread between kajo and jusetsu never severed or thinned. she sort of became a part of her family, her real amei.

while talking about conflicting, i can never ignore banka. now...look, i love this girl too. her character development was wonderful in my eyes. i was so goddamn happy when she lashed out at her father...which sort of ignited something in both shin and ryo. at this point, i had no idea about ko but oh dear....i had no idea what was in store. now...before that, i have said how i didn't like how even though banka knew what her father was like, she still gave away jusetsu's secret, all while she herself had opened up to jusetsu about her family curse and about her adopted younger sister. it was just...idk i was so taken aback by it all. but then i understood why did what she did. she was simply just a gaslighted seventeen year old girl, daughter of an absentee father, who simply wanted a bit of love and attention from him considering her mother was also no more. and later this also became evident in both shin and ko too as the story progress considering their mother too never looked at them and stayed cooped up in her room till her death. banka was simply...or i would say, the whole saname siblings are such a pitiful bunch. all because of that piece of shit of a father, choyo. he definitely did not get the death he should've deserved.

because what was that fucking logic again? just because jusetsu was not in existence to destroy that dusk jewel when he was having his rendezvous with his own younger sister, yo, who because of the saname clan curse would die eventually at fifteen. shouldn't her death have been resulted from multiple factors like her not knowing why a girl younger than her was adopted? what was this girl's purpose and the supposed curse in their family? also, the fact that not only a naive girl died on behalf of her, she had to also carry a child conceived through an incestuous relationship with choyo himself? we never really get her perspective on what her thoughts were on her relationship with her elder brother, choyo. i'm sure these two things multiplied way too much and became detrimental to her mental health and thus led her to death. where the hell does jusetsu's non-existence self come into play in all these? i have never in my life seen such bullshit logic for someone to literally do anything and everything to hate and kill someone.

and in all these, i would say it was shin suffering the most. the traumatizing truth of his origin just made me stunned. i never in my life expected this to ever happen. i always thought shin to be the better of the three brothers, especially considering how he had his own lil crush on jusetsu. i'm just glad he got to stand up against his father one last time, leave that godforsaken family, regardless of how much ryo resents him internally and live a new life, with a new name given by koshun. and most importantly, jusetsu was the one to console him. she is just such a good listener, a safe haven without any internalized prejudices. (she has done this countless times, with onkei, ishiha, tankai and even koshun.) anyway, i don't really think shin ever healed completely. his was the only ending that made me feel sad and incomplete.

as for ko, i had not much of an inkling of his personality...and considering the rumours that he might become the actual heir to choyo...i was like oh, i have an idea of what he might be like but that is what it is - just an idea, nothing more and nothing less. even with the way his first interaction with shin went as shin landed on ga province kept up with my idea of him but....then things started going downhill. the rumours were exponentially far from the truth and ko was just the most complicated sibling out of all the saname siblings, also afflicted with same things banka and his brothers were which at least i would say in his case, he got his saving through yozetsu jikei.

ko left me perplexed at times. neither did i like him nor did i dislike him. sometimes i feel empathetic towards and other times, i just absolutely don't like the things he says out of that mouth. his mind and his physical self were never in one place. this man was in a battle of his own. even though jikei fills up that father shaped hole in his chest, i still feel conflicted by what happened to jo after being verbally influenced by ko. while he got his saving, another got banished. kind of mirrors to what happened to him and shin, i believe. although for shin, it was self-inflicted out of external influence, kind of like self-exile. keeping his siblings at arm's length but jo's life gets eventually over. at least before ko came into the picture, he was doing something he was genuinely good at.

among the elderly people, i definitely love love love senri and jikei. these two are just so much of a favourite of mine. the best uncles i could ever ask for. i am also very glad that senri came into jusetsu's life at such a turnover point in her life, helping her, guiding her. somehow i feel like reijo and senri stands quite close to each other in jusetsu's heart. senri was the father she never had. plus both jikei and senri were fun characters too. they were elderly and far more experienced with life and the dealings of the world but still they carried a softness in their hearts even after facing their own trials and tribulations. unlike someone we know like choyo. the most detestable elderly character in this whole story. even i think gyoei perspective-wise had some legit reasons to dislike jusetsu. i personally find it unreasonable but i can excuse his extremely old age and long connection with reijo. at least hakurai too had his own redemption arc while fighting the ao god but choyo? nah, that man was just....ugh.

i'm just glad that senri and jusetsu kept communicating through letters even after he retired and she got freed and talked about her to others. jikei too, after his daughter's death, at least now he has a granddaughter to whom he's going to pour all his love that he wish he could give to his late daughter. especially without any regrets this time.

what surprised me the most apart from all these was the raven's unregulated emotional disposition. raven was truly one curious entity. her antics and personality were something i wasn’t anticipating at all. i had always assumed her to be a mysterious character with a heavy presence after all, with all the pretence that was set for thousands of years in association with the winter sovereign and eventually, with the raven consorts…especially contrasting to the menacing ao god. she was, you know what...a fun one actually. kinda badass too. and she is definitely not the bad guy people make her out to be. how sweet that even after the raven left jusetsu's body, she still kept her apparatus, sumaru to jusetsu so that she can communicate with koshun considering shogetsu, the owl's apparatus was there with him.

like that was her little thank you gift. for keeping her trust and freeing her to her true complete self.

oh another one, how can i forget? kosho. man....that whole interaction between jusetsu and kosho when her soul was drifting. ran yu kind of had every right to be scared of her. i too would be the same. i can never fathom how horrendous her obsession was...the curse and shackles she placed for every raven consorts to come after her. jusetsu was right. for kosho, ran yu was her tunnel vision. no lives ever mattered to her other than that.....not even her own. what a twisted character she was. but somehow idk i want a side story of how ran yu and kosho came to such point in their individual lives and then at last merged into one until again getting separated by death, that too in a horrible way.

additionally, i would like to say cho, even though was a minor character in the whole of the story was such a fun addition. cho was such a interesting fellow too, going into anti-existential crisis out of no where while witnessing the gods fight and randomly jumping into the sea all the while senri stood there flabbergasted, i let out a chuckle during that part for real…& then him washing up on the shore, all alive saying how “nah i don’t think the sea god likes me very much” to which senri absolutely disagrees saying how he couldn't have been any more farther away from the truth…what a silly guy. i love him.

shiki was one interesting fellow too. a grey one i would say. i don't have much to say about him because there wasn't much impact of him in my heart. he's just someone fighting his own demons. he has his own justifications for it and i guess, we all have our own too. good thing is at least, the final confrontation between hakurai and shiki let shomei's soul to pass over. i simply felt sympathetic for her more than anything.

random but now i wonder how koshun was like as a father? as he never really had a present relationship with his father and his mother's death has marked him for life. he had both a son from banka and a daughter from koei. i'm sure he was as gentle as ever. i can just not think of him anything other than that.

finally, as for eisei, what a lovely and bittersweet scene it was. the very last encounter we read between jusetsu and eisei where she asked eisei for his handkerchief while he was returning hers because it's auspicious to carry your relative's belonging while at sea. oh man. by this time, i was already sad with kajo & jusetsu's interaction so this just made me feel so devastated. her teasing at the end by calling him, brother or honorable elder brother....

in senri's words, "you never know where and how you're going to meet someone or whether they'll be able to help you. it's so curious how one single person can lead to another, and then another and another..."[....] "it applies to the dead as well."

overall, i would say i am just so exceptionally glad that shirakawa-sensei didn't leave all the loose ends untied for us readers to conjure up events in our heads but rather took it upon herself to close the chapters on each of the characters, regardless of how much painful their individual lives have been. all lives eventually end. we all become something unknown after our death. i'm just happy that our protagonists might not have gotten the usual romantic ending as anyone would expect but i think they had enough love between them for them to suffice till old age. such thoughts were presented by eisei and kojo multiple times during their individual internal monologues throughput the story.

koshun and jusetsu were more than lovers, family and friends, perhaps they were something we are yet to discover, you know.

P. S apparently, ishiha ends up as the winter minister, raven's oracles were from hatan clan after all (how interesting is it not that a raven consort herself, the final one ever taught ishina to read, write and speak who will not continue her legacy more or less) and i'm assuming ayura becomes the ritual coordinator. you can find some easter eggs here. i hope we get more of shirakawa-sensei's works in english. i just really love the way she builds her characters.

( + i would've completed reading the whole series much faster if kali puja & deepavali hasn't fallen inbetween. 2-3 days literally went by because i was busy with festivities responsibilities at the end of october.)