#neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker
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moistvonlipwig · 1 year ago
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fundamentally i do think a big part of the reason spike is such a more interesting character than his many bargain bin imitators that have cropped up over the years is because the writers simply could not agree on who he was or what the fans should think of him. spike would not be nearly as good a character if it weren't for david fury's disdain for him or joss whedon's resentment of him or jane espenson's love for him etc. none of those individual writers could write spike but together with the other buffyverse writers they managed to create a very compelling, if admittedly sometimes confusingly written, character. many bargain bin spikes otoh are written by writing teams who all uncritically love them and want the fans to love them too and that is simply not how a proper spike should be written...it's just not!
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l0veisntbrains · 2 years ago
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I can't stop thinking about the end of flooded and then life serial, and the line "and the only person that I can even stand to be around... is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker". she spent the last days with anyone, including her ex-lover, but still... Spike is the only person she could stand? I just --
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chasingfictions · 2 years ago
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Nat is Buffy coded and Misty is spike coded. Nat is just a girl trying to do the best she can, and Misty is the monster that would do anything for her. Every time Nat rejects Misty she is reminded of the monster she is. Every time Nat accepts her, Misty feels like maybe she isn’t a monster after all. Thinking about them for too long makes me want to cry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW. ok bc literally the spuffy mistynat continuum is about being freak4freak . i also think it's about monstrosity from nat's side of things too. nat is the one of the survivors who is the Most realistic about what happened she's kind of the only one having a normal response to what they did. to what she specifically did. nat as the hunter. nat understanding herself to be a monster and it's not that she doesnt think she's one it's just that the crushing reality of that is too much for her. but misty is so matter of fact about everything misty is free of shame. like misty has self hatred but she doesnt have shame. and nat embracing the monster in misty is her also saying well maybe i dont have to feel awful all the time maybe i can just be. literally you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting!!!!!!!! you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
which is also what it is for buffy!!!!!!!!! buffy's shame at being the slayer buffy's shame at being made of the same thing as monsters of being like monsters. and then you have spike and faith as narrative parallels who are both like no being this specific kind of monster is my favorite thing to be. this is a good thing to be. you can be a good thing to be. buffy's shame at caring for, loving, wanting spike being about what it says about her. buffy accepting that she loves spike, wants spike, directly correlating to moments where she is allowing herself to live more easily in the world. buffy telling spike: "i do want you" when she's breaking up with him. she is accepting the want and she's also saying i need to find a way to be alive. i deserve to want to be alive. buffy telling spike "i love you" as they destroy the hellmouth as they change the slayer cycle, as she refuses to die again, instead makes the world a place where she can keep living, where she says okay a body like mine gets to live. a person like me gets to live.
misty spending all season trying to keep natalie alive. helping her find travis because she knows nat needs it to feel whole and she wants to keep her safe as she does it. leading nat away from travis' body before theyre arrested. snorting the coke for her. kidnapping jessica to keep her friends safe and we know natalie is the person she means most by that.
spike saving buffy's life again and again. trying to. "i did save you. not when it counted of course but after that. every night after that. every night i save you." catching her in once more with feeling. "life's not a song. life isnt bliss life is just this it's living . you have to go on living. so one of us is living." buffy telling spike that being with him makes things easier. spike trying to get buffy to accept her darkness and her desire because he thinks she genuinely needs to, that it will make her happy, that it will set her free. buffy seeking out spike when she wants to feel okay. "i can be alone with you here" . the flooded back porch scene. "the only person i can stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker." "i just wanna feel." buffy going to his crypt again and again. sun sets and she appears.
natalie seeking out misty. natalie being suspicious of misty so she stalks her and breaks into her house, but when misty gives her the first bit of proof that it wasnt her, nat just sticks around. nat trusts her. nat seeks misty out and stays with her again and again and again. nat complains about spending time with misty and then keeps seeking out misty to spend more time with her and she always seems so happy when they do. do you see. DO YOU SEE.
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fearsomeandwretched · 2 years ago
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And the only person I can stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker!
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dykefication · 9 months ago
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i'm spikecoded cause yeah i'm basically a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker
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squidwardisanoctopus · 2 years ago
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The best vampires are always a little bit pathetic and I’m going to prove it.
Dracula (Dracula) - sought after unearned power that left him less than human and weak to dumb shit. Also the scene where he pretends to have servants but johnathan sees him setting the table? Loser-core.
Mitchell (being human) - Cant ever fuck because he's too big a junkie not to kill his parters & will say anything to get what he wants in a given situation. Willing to let his friends suffer for his mistakes until the truth is literally forced out of him. Also once got so lonely he became besties with a 10 year old.
Angel (BTVS) - Cant ever Fuck or he’ll become evil. too broody to enjoy immortality, broke up with the love of his life because he can never allow himself to feel anything but regret. Uses brooding cool-guy persona to cover for his lack of social skills.
Cassidy (preacher) - bored by immortality & cant get through the day without substance abuse. Unable to form and Maintain the emotional relationships necessary to not be miserable all the time
spike (BTVS) - pussy whipped loverboy & Neutered vamp who cheats at kitten poker. Life and death defined by romantic rejection
Louis (the vampire chronicles) - Existential depression
Lestat (TVC) - loverboy+Existential depression+ trauma
Carmilla (carmilla) - can't get a girl to love her back
all wwdits characters - Unable to change or grow, Stupid AF,
Nandor- lonely and desperate for attention. Mild existential despair. Unable to control the world around him despite being a powerful warlord, unwilling to admit to himself or others his true feelings
Nadja- unsatisfied by her life despite having a loving and committed relationship. Smarter than everyone around her and never listened to. Still stupid as Fuck
Laszlo- needs to be smarter than everyone on the room. Can’t think of anything to do besides fucking.
Father Paul (midnight mass) - can’t admit his feelings to the woman he loves or his daughter. Damns his entire parish for a second chance he does not deserve or need.
Dracula (castlevania) - looses one (1) lover and immediately tried to kill everyone in the world including himself. Unable to emotionally bond with son before or after being resurrected. All the power in the world and still can’t control a room of his generals.
I think the biggest issue I tend to have with vampire media is they desperately want vampires to be cool and they don’t work when they are. If your vampire is super strong and cool and has no weaknesses that’s just a superhero. What I want is a pathetic excuse for a person who is defined by their weaknesses and pretends to be cool
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lattewithatwistoflemon · 6 years ago
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Buffy (to Spike): The only person I can stand to be around is a... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker!
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depositmarketplace944 · 3 years ago
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Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kitten Poker
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Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kitten Poker Games
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Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kitten Poker Free Play
Xander sighed, knowing that he was caught. Faith had been right; it had taken Spike and Buffy all of five minutes to get over being mad and go straight to the sex. Xander had bet on fifteen, thinking that Buffy would surely pop him in the nose at least once for not calling. Here’s one reason why: Buffy, inebriated, saying: “ the only person I can even stand to be with anymore is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker!” That’s the kind of line that. But this is 'Buffy,' not our boring lives, and she gets to get drunk watching a vampire and demons play kitten poker. She also slays at the puns when Spike demands someone stake him (pokerwise) and she pipes up, 'I'll do it!' Buffy's great at handling big, demon-y problems, but it's always been a little funny watching her fail at life. TV Shows Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. Follow/Fav Cheating at kitten poker. By: TamaraJagellovsk. In vino veritas.
“I won the bet, which means I get to pick the game, and we’re playing strip poker.” Faith stared him down. “What? You’ve got something to be ashamed of?”
Xander sighed, knowing that he was caught. Faith had been right; it had taken Spike and Buffy all of five minutes to get over being mad and go straight to the sex. Xander had bet on fifteen, thinking that Buffy would surely pop him in the nose at least once for not calling.
Now, he and Faith were stuck in the house together, waiting for Giles’ arrival. The head Watcher was flying in from England, and someone had to be there for him. They’d drawn the short straw, and they had to do something while they were waiting.
“All right. I’ll grab the deck of cards.” Xander found a spare deck in the junk drawer and started shuffling. “How are we doing this?”
“You’ve never played poker before?”
“I’ve never played strip poker,” he corrected her.
She shrugged. “Instead of chips, you bet clothes. If you’re naked, you lose.”
He began to deal. “I know I’m going to regret this,” Xander muttered.
Faith looked over her hand. “So, why’d you come to Cleveland?”
“The apocalypse, what else?”
“Figured you’d stay in Africa.”
“Buffy said a reunion would be nice.” He looked around the living room of the Cleveland headquarters. “Where’s Wood? I haven’t seen him the last couple of days.”
She stared at her cards. “What are you betting?”
“My right shoe,” he replied, “and you didn’t answer my question.”
She smirked at him. “Coward.”
“No, just cautious. You?”
Faith’s expression was daring. “My bra.”
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His eyes went wide. “Don’t you have to bet your shirt first?”
“Not if you do it right.”
Xander almost choked, beginning to feel a little warm. “Yeah, okay.”
“He left,” she replied as she discarded two of her cards.
He got rid of one and quickly dealt three. “Any reason?”
“I wasn’t the Slayer he wanted.”
He was surprised to find himself sympathetic. “Yeah. I could see he had that whole ‘mommy complex’ going for him.”
Faith frowned. “What?”
“His mom was a Slayer, right?” Xander pointed out. “He was sniffing around Buffy for a while, and then you. He was trying for a replacement mother.”
She snorted. “I’m no one’s mother.”
“That’s his problem, not yours.”
Her eyes took on a new respect for him. “Yeah, I guess it is.” She laid her cards down, revealing a flush. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
He looked from her cards to his own, then began unlacing his shoe. “This is going to be a long night.”
~~~~~
Faith’s eyes went wide as Xander pulled his t-shirt off over his head. He’d lost some weight, and it was clear that he’d been working a lot more than he’d been eating.
He tossed his shirt to the side. “See something you like?”
She met his good eye. “Maybe.”
He flushed, then began reshuffling the deck. “What’s it going to be this time?”
“My shirt.” Faith had already lost her bra, and she could have bet her pants, but she’d never been one to play it safe. Besides, if Xander was distracted, all the better. “You?”
“Pants.”
She took the cards he dealt. “Does it bother you?”
“What?”
“That.” She pointed at his eye patch.
He touched it self-consciously. “Nah. Chicks dig it.”
“Only if you’ve got a story to go with it,” Faith responded. “What do you tell them?”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You make something up, right?” she asked. “It’s not like you can tell them that some crazy ex-priest possessed by the First Evil poked it out.”
His lips quirked. “No, I usually tell them that it was a construction accident.”
“Lame,” she judged. “You’ve got to do better than that if you’re going to get laid.” At the expression on his face, she sat back. “You have been laid sometime in the recent past, right?”
He pulled out three cards and put them down. “Of course.”
“No, you haven’t,” she accused, getting rid of two cards. “How long has it been?”
“None of your business,” Xander snapped.
Faith raised her eyebrows. “Oooh, temper.”
“Shut up.”
She suddenly remembered something Buffy had told her, after the Hellmouth had been closed, about Xander grieving. “Not since Anya, huh?”
Instead of replying, he dealt the cards.
Faith let the awkward silence hang, thinking that she’d probably crossed a line. Not that she cared, but she felt the need to say something. “You could always tell the girls you got gored by a wild boar or something.”
“They’d never believe it,” he replied. “I prefer telling them that I got knifed by a mugger while saving a friend’s life.”
“Not bad,” Faith admitted. “What about getting attacked by a rabid gopher?”
A reluctant smile formed. “We don’t have gophers in Africa.”
“Never been there.”
“Would you want to go?”
“What would I do in Africa?” she asked.
“Same thing you’re doing here,” he replied. “There’s plenty of evil in Africa to fight.”
“Are you going back?”
“Yeah, eventually.” He smiled crookedly. “It’s nice to have hot water for a while.” Xander put his cards down. “Full house.”
Faith looked at her flush and smiled ruefully. She put her cards down and pulled her shirt over her head—slowly. When she tossed her shirt aside, his jaw was slack. “Like what you see?”
She could hear him swallow. “Uh…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Faith would never find out what he would have said, because Angel and Giles entered the house, arguing.
“I wasn’t evil!” Angel protested.
“It was an evil law firm,” Giles shot back. “What was I—” He stopped, staring at Faith.
“Faith?” Angel choked out.
She smiled, not bothering to reach for her shirt. “Hey, Angel.”
Giles quickly averted his eyes. “What is going on here?”
“We’re playing strip poker,” Faith replied, feeling as though the answer to that question should have been obvious. She rose from her position on the floor. “Looks like it’s a tie, Xander.”
Xander scrambled to his feet. “I guess so.”
“Come on,” Faith seized his arm. “I think it’s time to get you back on the horse.”
Much like the first time, Xander didn’t offer a protest, although Faith had a feeling that the strip poker had softened him up considerably…so to speak.
It was time they both moved on.
Author: PrettyPoppy
Title: Kitten Thrall
Summary: A brief encounter between Spike and Dawn, set sometime around 'Crush.' A Spike/Dawn friendship ficlet. Rated PG.
Author's notes: Kitten poker is season 5? I know, I know, but just because Buffy didn't find out about it until season 6, doesn't mean that Spike hadn't been playing it all along. (Even if he never did get the whole cheating thing down.) I have absolutely no idea where this came from, and I'm as shocked as anyone to find that, after almost four months of writer's block, the thing that got me moving again was a Spike and Dawn piece. But I'll take what I can get.
Feedback: Please. I'd be ever so grateful. [email protected]
Distribution: If you want it, just let me know.
Disclaimer: Um, wait. I know this one. Give me a sec. Joss owns everything and I own nothing? Yeah, that sounds about right.
* * *
'Oh, don't look at me like that.' Spike was seriously losing his patience. He put the small bundle down on the lid of his sarcophagus and glared at it again. 'I said don't look at me like that!' The little red and white ball began to move, edging its way toward the corner of the stone box. 'What . . . where the hell do you think you're going?'
Pulling in a sharp, unneeded breath, Spike grabbed the little bugger and unceremoniously plopped it back down in the middle of the lid. 'Now you listen to me,' he said, pointing a finger in the horrid little creature's horrid little face. 'You stay put. We're gonna do this, and we're gonna do this right.'
Meow.
The kitten blinked. Then yawned, and got ready to crawl up into a contented little ball.
'Oh no you don't.' Spike picked it up again, forced it to unfurl, and planted it firmly on its four sickeningly furry feet.
The minuscule monster began to purr.
Spike rolled his eyes.
Hunkering down on the cold floor, Spike managed to align himself eye level with his latest bit of poker winnings. He stared, straight ahead, into the round amber eyes of the less than cooperative furball. His gaze narrowed and he began to concentrate with all his might.
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Just then, the door burst open and Spike lost his balance, tumbling onto the floor behind him. 'Ow!' he yelled, his hand coming up to soothe his bruised backside. 'Bloody hell Slayer, the least you could do is–'
'A kitten! Oh my gosh Spike, when did you get a kitten?'
It wasn't the Slayer after all. No, more like the mini-Slayer. The Slayer-In-Training. Bitty Buffy herself.
'Dawn . . .' he began in warning.
Dawn turned around and looked down at Spike, the warm, fluffy bundle already wrapped tightly in her arms. 'Oh sorry, did I do that?'
'Uh, yeah, you kind of did.' Spike pushed himself off the ground and stood next to her, absently wiping the dust from his dark jeans. 'You might try knocking next time. You never know what manner of evil things I get up to in here.'
'Oh right, like what? Taking care of your sweet, wittle, adorwable kitten?' Somewhere along the way, her voice took on that insufferable, squeaky, baby-talk speak that women always seemed to use whenever they were around something weak and in need of mothering. She smiled up at him. 'He's so pretty. What's his name?' she asked.
Spike glared at her. 'He doesn't have a bleedin' name. He's dinner.'
'What?' Dawn squeaked, as she pulled the puffball closer to her chest.
'Din-ner,' he repeated, emphasizing both syllables. 'Won him in a poker game, and now he's going to be dinner.'
Dawn's mouth had fallen open and she was staring at him in horror. 'You . . . you can't eat him. You can't even kill him. It's impossible. You've got that chip, remember?' she said, her voice gaining a quavering false confidence.
'So what? Won't take much to dispose of a little morsel like that.' He motioned toward her arms. 'Quick snap of the neck. Won't hurt a bit.' He shrugged.
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'Which one of you won't it hurt?'
'Either really. Trust me, Mr. Fast Food over there won't know what hit him.' He nodded toward the cat.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kitten Poker Games
Dawn narrowed her eyes and glared at him.
God how she looked like Buffy when she did that.
Meow!
This time it was more of a shriek than a warm utterance. Apparently Dawn had been so frightened for the poor creature that she had clamped it to her chest so hard that it was finding it difficult to breath. She immediately loosened her hold and began cooing soft nothings into its ear.
'It's okay, we won't let the bad vampire hurt you. No we won't. My sister's the Slayer,' she said, loud enough for him to hear, 'and she can kick his sorry ass any day.'
Spike let out a disquieted breath, something like a 'hmpf,' and walked away toward the fridge.
Dawn saw where he was going and squealed, 'What are you doing?'
'Looking for something to enhance the meal,' he said, as he swung open the door. He looked back at her, raising a quizzical, yet seemingly earnest brow. 'What goes with tender feline?'
'Spike, you can't!' She stormed over to the fridge, kitten still coddled at her breast, and stood toe to toe with him. 'I won't let you.'
'Yeah, li'l bit?' He said quietly, his tongue playing wickedly against his teeth. 'What you gonna do about it?'
Dawn puffed herself up. 'I'll . . . I'll . . . tell Buffy you tried to bite me, and she'll come over here and stake you.'
'Oh please,' Spike turned back toward the fridge and closed the door, 'we both know you're not gonna do that.'
'I could. I would. I mean, I will.' She followed him across the room.
Spike ignored her. He poured himself a drink and then threw himself down into his one and only armchair. Dawn hovered beside him. 'You're not having this kitten for dinner. And that's final.'
'Whatever.' Spike shook his head and downed half his glass. 'Have it your way then.'
'You mean it?'
Spike turned his face to look up at her. A sly smile pulled at his lips. 'Wasn't gonna eat it anyway.'
'What?'
'Eh.' He shrugged. 'Kitten's not really my thing. Too stringy. I don't care what they say, it does not taste like chicken.' He finished his drink and bounded out of his chair to fetch another.
'You don't eat kittens, do you?' Dawn asked, her voice heavy with suspicion.
'Not really. Not worth the trouble. Not enough blood. It's like eating a rat. Never really my thing.' He moved to turn away from her again but quickly remembered something and turned back. 'But Angel,' Spike emphasized the word, 'Angel knows a thing or two about eating rats. Bloody poofter. Apparently feeding off real, live humans wasn't good enough for him, after the whole en-souling.' Spike waved his hands in the air, as if heralding the end of some great, lame magic trick.
'Jealous much?'
'What?' Spike looked at her as if she were insane. 'Of the Poof?'
'Yeah, of the . . . the poof.' A small smile escaped her as she said it.
Spike was too offended to be warmed by Dawn's childish grin. 'Soddin' hell,' Spike cursed to himself. 'I have never been, and will never be, jealous of that magnificent wanker. You can count on it.'
'Even where Buffy is concerned?'
She said it lightly, dryly, as if it were nothing. A mere, innocuous question like any other. But it wasn't like any other. Damn insightful girl.
'What? You expect me to be jealous because he's caused her more harm?' Spike began. 'Because Angelus was able to torture and torment her? Well listen, Nibblet,' he said, moving in closer, doing his best to sound dangerous, 'there may come a day when I get this chip out of my head, and then you wait and see. See who it is who finishes Buffy off.'
Dawn blinked at him. Then yawned.
Just like that sodding kitten.
'Are you finished?' she asked, feigning boredom.
'I'm serious,' he said, trying indeed to sound very serious.
'Right, okay.' She rolled her eyes at him. 'Now honestly?'
Spike stared at her, deep into her dark brown eyes and tried to think of one thing to say, one simple way to deny it. He couldn't. He stepped away. 'I don't . . . envy,' the word was hard for him, 'what he has with her. I don't really give a bloody damn about any of it. What I . . .' He turned toward Dawn, his head lowered, his gaze furtive. She was gazing at him with earnest encouragement and a quiet kind of patience he had rarely seen from anyone, since his mother.
A hard lump caught in the back of Spike's throat and he had to pull away from her stare. He straightened up and squeezed his eyes tightly together, waiting for the sting to subside. When he could finally speak, he continued, not looking at his audience. 'Vampire's aren't supposed to feel, you know that right? Not without souls. And yet . . . and yet,' he was having difficulty forcing himself to speak, 'I do. I always have. Even before the chip.' His voice suddenly lowered to a whisper. 'Even before the bleeding chip.'
'Did you love her even then?'
'What?' Spike's eyes shot up and he stared at Dawn.
'Buffy?' she asked, nonchalantly, as she absently stroked the small tuft of fur in her arms. 'Did you love her even then? Even before the chip?'
Spike's vision glazed ever so slightly. Although he continued to stare at Dawn, he ceased to see her standing there. His mind was a million miles away.
He had never thought about that before. Not quite in those terms. He had been blaming the chip for this ever since that blasted dream! But it wasn't the chip, was it? No. Drusilla had known long before there ever was a chip. Had sent him packing because of it. No, it went back much farther than that, back to the first night they had met. He'd felt it even then.
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And even then he'd known it was wrong.
He had never wanted to admit it to himself. Had always lived in a tenuous state of denial. But he had loved her since the very fist time he had laid eyes on her, all those years ago at The Bronze. At the time, he hadn't known exactly what that feeling was, and even now, he didn't quite know why he'd been able to feel it. But he had. He had loved her, from the beginning. From day one. The chip was just an excuse.
'Spike? Uh, Spike?' Dawn waved an agitated hand in front of his eyes to get his attention. 'So?'
Now Spike blinked. Several times. He felt no need to yawn. 'So, nothin'.'
'Right. Like I'm just supposed to believe that?'
'Look, if I loved her, why did I try to kill her all those times?'
'Well, things change,' Dawn said, going back to stroking the dozing kitten in her arms. 'Or maybe you just didn't know how to express your feelings. There was this boy in my fifth grade class, Billy Johnson, who totally had the hots for me. But instead of telling me - like a sane, normal human being - he used to sit behind me in class and tie my braids together in elaborate little knots. I just think he really liked to play with my hair, you know? Touching me, but not really touching me. Anyway, maybe you just liked trying to kill Buffy because it was a way to get near her. I mean, maybe if Buffy wore her hair in braids more often, you wouldn't have resorted to attempted murder to get close to her.' She smiled at him.
Spike looked at her like she was fairly insane.
'Besides, back then you didn't think you had a shot in hell with Buffy, so why not try to kill her? I mean, you probably figured if you couldn't have her, then no one could. Especially Angel. Better a dead Buffy, than Angel's Buffy, right? So, you see,' she said cheerily, 'the fact that you tried to kill her so many times, really doesn't prove anything. So, I'll ask you again. Did you feel this way or not? Before the chip?'
'Oh Bollocks!' Spike pushed himself away from Dawn, physically shaking the refrigerator as he slammed it in frustration. 'I don't feel anything for the Slayer. And even if I did, it's none of you're business.'
Dawn smiled at him. Just like a Cheshire cat. 'You like her, don't you? I knew it. Knew it all along.' Dawn skipped away from the fridge and toward the door, humming triumphantly to herself.
Spike whirled around to watch her as she made her way to the door. 'Where do you think you're going?'
'Home. It's pizza night. At least, I think it's pizza night. It is Friday, right? Anyway, mom'll be worried sick if I don't get home soon.'
'Uh-hem,' Spike cleared his throat and put out one strong, lean hand. 'Aren't you forgetting something?'
'What?'
'My poker ante?'
Dawn looked down at the sleeping mound cradled in the crook of her arm. 'Oh,' she said flatly. She looked up at Spike. 'Can I keep him?' she asked, far too cheerily.
'No, you cannot keep him,' he said as he stalked toward her and tried to pluck the kitten from her care. Spike knew he couldn't keep the kitten either, he had too many demon acquaintances who were all too ready to eat kittens for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It wouldn't last long hanging about his crypt. He'd have to give it away, when he was through with it.
Damn ruddy chip! If it wasn't responsible for him falling in love with Buffy, at the very least it had him developing a conscience.
Dawn pulled away before Spike could grab the purring feline. 'But Miss Kitty Fantastico could use a boyfriend.'
'Likes younger men, does she?'
'Well, I don't think she's too particular really. Actually, since she's neutered, it's probably not going to matter. But I think she might like the company. And I'm sure mom wouldn't mind.'
'Right. Well,' he said, as he took the tired kitten from her arms, 'when you get written permission from Joyce, saying that cats are now acceptable in the Summers household, I will gladly hand him over. In the meantime, I'll be keeping my little experiment to myself, thank you.'
'Experiment?'
'What?'
'You . . . said . . . experiment.' Dawn glanced about the room, scanning for anything unusual. 'What, exactly, were you doing with that kitten before I got here? What kind of experiment?'
'No, no kind of experiment.' Now Spike was clutching the few feeble ounces of fur.
Dawn gave him a look. The look. Something she had obviously learned from her sister.
'It's nothin',' he protested. He was beginning to wilt under the oppressive heat of her gaze.
'Nothin', huh? Let's see.' Dawn stepped around Spike and descended the few stairs back into the center of the crypt. 'Hmm?' She put a very thoughtful look on her face, and Spike couldn't help but watch her curiously. 'You were down on the ground, watching the kitten. What? Did you give it something? Some kind of poison or something? You wanted to see if it would take, without activating you're chip? Is that it?'she asked with accusatory horror.
'Oh please. Yes I am intending to wreak my evil vengeance by poisoning the entire cat population of Sunnydale. Oh, I'm so evil,' he mocked.
Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. 'There's no need to be sarcastic, you know? So, you're not doing evil, poisoning experiments?' she asked, her voice softening and becoming slightly hopeful.
'Course not.'
'Then what?' Dawn raised an eyebrow at him, and gave him another look.
Bloody hell she was good.
Spike shook his head and sighed. 'It's stupid really. And nothin' to worry yourself over. So forget about it.' He placed the sleeping kitten down in the armchair and moved closer to Dawn.
'Stupid?' Now she sounded sympathetic. Was that pity in her voice?
'Right, okay, well, you see, I wanted to see if I could . . .' Spike couldn't finish. He broke off with a loud cry of frustration and threw himself up against the sarcophagus, the small of his back pressed firmly into the edge of the lid.
'Wanted to see if you could . . . what? Control the kitten?' she mocked playfully. 'Get it to do your evil bidding? Put a thrall on it?'
Spike didn't speak.
'I mean, can you imagine trying to put a thrall on a kitten? Only the most pathetic vampire in the entire world would ever try to . . .' Dawn's voice trailed off. 'Oh.' She quickly shut her gaping mouth.
Spike turned his head to look at her from the corner of his eye. 'I didn't try to get it to do my evil bidding,' he tried to defend himself. 'I just wanted to see if - oh, I don't know - I just wanted to do something vampire-like!' He pushed himself away from the sarcophagus, accidently dislodging the lid and sending it skidding across the top of the box several inches. Luckily, it didn't hit the floor.
Spike had never actually put a thrall on anything before. That was Dru's bit. But he figured he'd give it a try, learn a new skill. After all, with that soddin' chip in his head, most of his old one's were lost to him now.
'Yeah, and we all know how much vampires love putting thralls on kittens,' Dawn said. 'I mean, it's like Gospel right? In the vampire Bible? Everyone knows vampires drink blood, hate pointy wooden objects, and of course, enthrall hordes and hordes of kittens to be their loyal minions.' She smiled at him. And then reconsidered. 'Or maybe that's dogs. Dogs are more loyal than cats, right? Did you ever think of using a dog?'
Spike very much wanted to strangle the little bit, but knew he'd literally have hell to pay for it if he did. His own private hell in the form of one very brassed-off slayer. Instead he tried to ignore her.
Spike crossed the crypt and opened the refrigerator again. This time he reached inside and pulled out a packet of blood. Maybe she'd leave if she knew feeding time was near.
'Oh, so you're gonna ignore me then? Fine.' Dawn let out an all-too dramatic sigh. 'I guess I'll just go tell Buffy then. Got to keep her up-to-date on all the evilness that goes on around here.'
Spike still tried to ignore her. He refused to turn around, but listened intently as she made her way toward the door. He heard feet pad spryly up the stone steps. Then a pause. The door opened, a few more steps, and then it closed. She was gone.
Spike turned around and cursed under his breath. Sodding slayer-wannabe. 'Dawn!' he yelled in aggravation, as he headed toward the door. Just as he reached it, it swung open and he was met with a brilliant pair of dark, smiling brown eyes.
Dawn smiled at him.
Spike scowled.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kitten Poker Game
'You are not to tell your sister, do you understand?'
'Of course I do. I am not - as I keep telling everyone - a child,' she said indignantly. 'Look, Spike,' she said, all seriousness for the first time. 'I get it, okay? You wanted to prove something to yourself, and what other means did you have? I mean, Buffy would have killed you if she had found you out there practicing your thrall on real humans. I do get it. But honestly, doesn't the victim need a soul for that kind of thing?'
Spike sighed and ran a hand over his hair. 'Reckon so, but figured, what the hell? Couldn't hurt to try, right? Didn't know I was going to get caught by Buffy's shadow.'
'Hey, I am not Buffy's shadow,' Dawn cried defensively. 'I go where I want and do what I want. And sometimes I don't even tell Buffy where I am,' she said proudly.
'Even though you should,' he said, matter-of-factly.
'Hey, what is this? I thought you were evil? I thought you understood.'
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kitten Poker Free
'I do.' Spike smiled slyly. 'But it's dangerous out there bit.' He nodded toward the open door. 'Can't be too careful, especially around here.'
'Right. I know,' Dawn grudgingly conceded. 'Look, I'd better go, or Buffy'll be knocking down this door any . . .,' she glanced at it, 'well, okay, it's already open, but you know what I mean. I'll see you later.'
'Sure li'l bit.'
She turned to walk away. Before she could place a foot outside, she turned back toward Spike. 'Spike?'
'Yeah?' he asked softly.
'If you . . . if you need someone to practice on, someone who's not of the kitten variety, I could always . . .'
'No!' The startled cry was barely comprehensible. Was she completely off her bird?! What the hell was wrong with her, volunteering for thrall practice with a vampire? She was as daft as her sister, apparently.
'Are you sure? Because I wouldn't mind.'
'Dawn,' Spike said sternly, 'go home.'
'Right. Home.' She nodded succinctly. 'Can I stop by tomorrow then? No enthralling, I swear,' she quickly assured him. 'Just to see little William over there.' She pointed toward the chair.
'What?' Spike asked, completely baffled.
'William. William the Bloody. You know, Din-ner? Mr. Fast Food? He needed a proper name, so I gave him one.'
'When, did you do that?' Spike asked tightly.
'Oh, I don't know. During one of your blow-ups? You know, if I didn't know any better - you know, know that you're a vampire and all - I'd swear you had hypertension. We learned about it in health class. So, you never actually turn red, you've got all the other symptoms. Funny, do you think vampires can have heart attacks?
'No,' he said as he moved directly toward her, hoping to maneuver her out the door, 'but what they can do is murder little girls. Strangle them, disembowel them, suck their blood dry until they're so weak they can no longer beg for mercy.' He glowered down at her with piercing blue eyes.
'You're right. But that's just as long as they don't have chips in their heads. 'Cause, the chipped kind? They're kinda whipped.' She nodded, smiled at him, and finally, disappeared through the door.
Spike closed the door behind him with a thankful sigh. Just think, she'd be back again tomorrow. The troublesome bint.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kitten Poker Free Play
No, Spike admitted to himself, as he picked up the kitten and sat down with it in his arms. She wasn't all that bad. Not bad at all. Actually, he liked her quite a lot. Too much like her sister for her own good really. Just like the little sister he'd never had. The problem was, she had hit too close to home tonight. She knew too much - about him, about his feeling for Buffy. He was scared of being close, to anyone, didn't matter who. The fact that that little girl knew him so well scared him. What scared him even more was the fact that she knew him so well and actually liked him.
She was nuts!
Just like her dear sister.
Just like his slayer.
Between the two of them, he knew he was doomed.
END
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daisyxquake · 8 years ago
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“And the only person I can even stand to be around, is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker!” “Oh, you saw the cheating, did you?” 
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moistvonlipwig · 4 months ago
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the funniest part of omwf is that spike leaves for the bronze at the same time the others do and then we see him walk into a random alley and turn around and look confused and then he shows up at the bronze way later than everyone else. what happened to you buddy. did you get lost
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moistvonlipwig · 6 months ago
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it always gets me when people are like ‘ooo what does it mean that spike unlike angel seems like the same person with and without a soul’. well it means that his entire spike persona is a performative attempt to seem cool. yes he seems like the same person but that person also never existed to begin with. have you all forgotten that this man is faking his accent
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moistvonlipwig · 2 months ago
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one thing i do like about the back half of ats s5 is how respectful spike is to angel when it comes to the subject of cordelia. like firstly he's gone for almost all of 5.13 and then only shows up at the very end and is somber and earnest with angel. then in 5.15 and 5.16 when angel brings up cordelia spike immediately shuts up. faster than any other subject has ever shut spike up in the buffyverse. spike seems to intuit that cordelia is not a subject he should be running his mouth on and, most surprisingly of all, he respects that even though he is otherwise the king of running his mouth. good for him.jpg
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moistvonlipwig · 4 months ago
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two bad spike posts in a row in the btvs tag, one against him and the other in favor of him. such is life in the btvs tag
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moistvonlipwig · 8 months ago
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some spike fans simply should not be allowed to post
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moistvonlipwig · 2 years ago
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re: prev post, the 'fascist' label doesn't really apply in this case but that is why i don't fuck with all the 'lesbian spuffy' 'woman-coded spike' shit. if you've been around my blog long enough you know i love spike but that man is a horrid little misogynist. he is not woman-coded or lesbian-coded or a babygirl he just sucks. please fellow spike fans accept this fact!!!
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moistvonlipwig · 2 years ago
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A lot of ink has been spilled about Spike’s true intentions in the last few episodes of Season 6: whether he meant to get his chip out and get revenge on Buffy as some of his ominous-sounding dialogue suggests, or whether he meant to get his soul back as a form of penance as he says in Season 7. I would like to propose an alternate theory. I believe Spike getting his soul back IS a form of revenge on Buffy, and that is why his dialogue is so vitriolic towards her while he’s seeking his soul.*
*Yes, yes, the writers also wanted to misdirect the audience, I’m looking at this from an in-universe perspective.
Buffy has always derided Spike for being soulless, a vampire, “dead inside,” a “thing.” At times she seems to consider him less than a person; when she does treat him as a person, she still considers herself to be morally superior to him on an inherent level. Now let’s be clear, Buffy IS morally superior to him, and she has every right to deride him for his evil deeds. But I would argue that her moral superiority is not inherent; it comes from the choices she makes versus the choices he makes. Buffy on the other hand seems to think her very nature as a souled being is what makes them different, hence her willingness to sleep with him when she believes/fears/hopes she’s come back “wrong.”
Spike is clearly aware that this is what Buffy thinks of him (“whisper in a dead man’s ear doesn’t make it real”), and also clearly resents this (“bitch thinks she’s better than me”). His soul, then, represents an opportunity to both prove her wrong about him and level the playing field between them. I don’t think Spike prior to getting a soul has any understanding of what it means to have one; in “Beneath You” he laments that Angel didn’t warn him what it would be like (even though Angel did in fact spend much of his soulless time in Sunnydale complaining about how much having a soul sucked). He seems instead to view the soul as a kind of ultimate trump card, the way to ensure he’ll have the last word with Buffy. Oh, Buffy says that I can’t change and that I’m a soulless evil creature? Well, then, I’ll just go get a soul, and then won’t she be sorry!
I’m not saying he was motivated purely by spite; I do think he felt both some level of remorse for the events of “Seeing Red” as well as a general feeling of being torn between conflicting impulses and needing some kind of guidance. But I think it does a disservice to the complexity of his character to reduce him to a penitent sinner come to ask for redemption. The way he talks about her in late S6 (“bitch is gonna see a change”) is how someone talks when they’re angry and want to show someone up, not when they’re nobly trying to better themselves. That is the great irony of Spike: that he so rarely does anything for the right reasons, but still so often ends up getting dragged, kicking and screaming, into doing the right thing.
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