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jerzwriter · 2 years

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This is not meant to be received as an anonymous hate message. My deepest apologies if this hurts your feelings, but since your fellow Open Heart fandom friends won’t be honest with you, I felt I should help you out the way I would want someone to help me.

We see you, Jerz. I promise we know you exist. You’ve got our attention. You are so obnoxiously showy, how can we not? And no one seems to have the heart to tell you this.

Your desperation to be acknowledged and seen by others is worrisome. You post when you wake up; you post when you add a word to your work; you advertise for your series “Delaying the Inevitable” morning, noon, night. Jerz, it’s a bit much. No one walks around, talking about how great they are or how great their accomplishments are the way you do. That might not be your intention, but when you post things, like your most recent post about your Asks and how many requests you have, this is seen as gloating. I don’t know if you realize this, but when you post things like that, you might as well construct a giant neon sign that says, “Look at me! I am so popular!”

I’ve watched you for a few months now, and I know you and your friends are going to accuse me of jealousy. I’m not, but I understand why you would see me that way. But honestly, not many people would idolize someone who is tactless, brash, and selfish. This is how you come across to a lot of people. You might actually be a wonderful person. I would never know because you seem quite self-absorbed and a braggart. Are you familiar with the term “one-upper?”

I am going to give credit where credit is due: you have hustled your ass off and went straight for the jugular, making sure everyone knew your presence is valuable, including the more higher-rated writers. You can’t comment or reblog anything without marketing yourself and your own work. You clearly are your number 1 fan, and I think that’s great that you have so much confidence in yourself.

You’re probably thinking “What’s the point of this message?” Seriously congratulations to growing number of readers and your fans; congratulations on having such a high view of yourself; congratulations on networkinging with such confidence and zero Fs.

But this honest thirst to be the center of attention, I promise we see you, Jerz. We know you’re there. And how could we not? We know you are going to have the last word. We know that you are going to comment on any post related to Open Heart, especially if it’s about a thirst trap concerning Ethan or Tobias. You post every time you wake up, or when inspiration strikes, or when a certain food or song or movie reminds you of your couples.

You don’t have to share everything. This is not meant to be hateful, but I hope you become more aware of your actions so you can become a better person.

And I already know what you are going to say. I will unfollow. I truly enjoyed your stories.

I’ve sat on this. I wasn’t going to share because I want my blog to be a positive place. Plus, everyone has people who dislike them, so why give my haters porn? But, in the end, I need to say a few things (“getting the last word” Nonny?) and it’s important for people to know that such small and cowardly people lurk among us.

You admit you don’t know me, yet you sure act as if you do. I’m not quite sure how that works.

I am passionate. If I love something, I am enthusiastic to a fault and I give it my all, and I love our fandom. I love creating content, I love reading others’ works and building them up and, no, Nonny, when commenting or reblogging I don’t “always self-promote”. Sometimes I will discuss my work if it is relevant, usually with people I consider friends. I did find one reblog from the past week that some may have misconstrued. I deleted it and reached out to the author to apologize. I have not heard back from her, but I hope she understands there was no mal intent. I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash if she had done the same thing to me.

I am pretty self-aware. I know I can be annoying. I’m zealous and I overshare. There are personal reasons for that, but it’s who I am. Friends who do know me laughed at your assertations. They know I’m my own worst critic, I’m full of self-doubt, and I deal with crippling anxiety. They also know that being part of this “supportive” (for the most part) community has helped me. How kind of you to attempt to thwart that. What you know about me is nothing and your belief that you do speaks volumes to how highly you think of yourself. Isn’t that what you’re accusing me of?

Like every writer, I want people to read my work, and I love engaging with readers. But networking? Convincing “higher-rated writers” to like me? Girl, stop. This isn’t my job. I don’t get paid for this. This is fanfiction. It’s fun! Dear God, do you take it that seriously? Yes, I’ve become friends with people. People behind popular and small blogs, people who are readers. I assure you that building these friendships had nothing to do with networking. We got to know each other, like and care for each other, and we’ve been there to support each other when we need it most. It looks like some people find me likable, and I know how to be a friend. If you struggle with that, I suggest you look for the reason instead of attacking me.

You state you have “watched me for a few months now.” Yet my behavior is worrisome? It seems my post apologizing for having so many outstanding anons triggered you. You assumed I was trying to say “look at me I’m so popular”. I had to laugh. First off, popular? Look at my note count, it’s nothing to be jealous of. I posted it because the majority of requests sitting in my inbox are anons that I can’t reach out to personally or I would. My readers REALLY matter to me, and I don’t want anyone to think they’ve been forgotten. The fact that your mind goes to such a horrible place, about an admitted stranger, is pathetic. It speaks to who you are, not me.

Look, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea… and that’s OK. I’m sure you’re not either. That’s life. But you send this hate, and to be clear, it is hate, thinking you’re a better person? What have I done to hurt anyone in this fandom? Tell me. I’ll wait. I’ve never done anything as vile as you. Do you feel you can sit in judgment of me? That you have the moral superiority to tell me to be a better person when your actions already show what kind of person you are? The irony! If anyone needs reflection, it’s you.

I strongly suggest you think twice before doing something like this to anyone else in the future. I have been through enough in my life to let this roll off my back, but not everyone can. Some people could be terribly hurt, or harm themselves if they received something like this. Dear God, examine yourself.

#this is truly sad #nonny try to do better #we're here to build each other up not pull each other down #disgraceful

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