#nessian sick fic

[vidalinav]

Part 2 of the Nesta gets sick, acofas re-write thing

This is not my best work honestly. It's more of my quick writing. But you know what? It is what it is. Not everything can be a masterpiece and I should post things even when I don't think it's perfect. Keeps me humble and keeps me brave. This was a pep talk for me.

Part 1

~

The icy wind scars his face, but it's a small form of torture. Her name sits on his tongue, but he has yet to see if the mountains will hear him or if the people of Velaris will point the way.

Which tavern? Which music hall? Which book store? Which person's bedroom will he find her in?

How drunk will she be?

Cassian wishes he was drunk right now, but...

Has he ever been sober since he's seen her face?

Cassian sees her and the words spill out his mouth. Nothing honest--no. If he were telling the truth, he'd have sunk to his knees. Human, fae, or... death.

She breathed life back into him.

Now Nesta's being haunted by her thoughts, drinking them away, so they may be silenced, so the ice on his face--the piercing slice of winter, is a small price to pay. A small sacrifice. A small revenge for he deserves more than this.

"Nesta!" he yells, but Cassian's sure the wind swallows his call, howling like a wolf to the moon.

Cassian doesn't like the thought of her traveling in this. The city is bright, but he's unsurprised that many of the businesses are closed. It is a holiday after all. Thankfully, the taverns are alight with patrons and noise. He's almost glad it's open if only to offer Nesta reprieve.

Because she isn't at home when he knocks on her door. He can't sense her at all. Cauldron knows her apartment must not have good heating, or at least the door felt as cold as ice. Quiet and mocking. For that alone, Cassian's sure she'd be somewhere here.

So which tavern will it be?

He clenches his fist, but he tells himself it's to warm them and not because the thought of her uncared for goads on his nerves. Not because the thought of her cared for in another's bed makes him want to gut someone brutally.

"We haven't seen her, my lord," the barkeeper says.

"Cassian," he quickly corrects, though he knows none of the workers will do as he asks, formality running heavy throughout town.

"We haven't seen her in a couple of days actually," a younger fae, who offers to pour him a drink, notes. "She usually sits right over there, nearest to the musicians. They've been traveling, you see, so perhaps she's tried another tavern."

"We hope she comes back, my lord. Our high lady's sister is always welcome."

Cassian is sure she is, since he's seen the bills collected on her behalf. "Do you know where she might be?"

The barkeeper shrugs, "maybe Blue Mill? Have you tried the Wolf's den?"

"She's not there," he says, though Cassian offers his thanks and moves on to another tavern down the way, much tamer than the last.

Nesta's not at that one either. The snow sprinkles down and it packs the ground in deep white. He can feel it in his boots.

Where can Nesta be?

Perhaps, he should have told Azriel to send his shadows, but he does what he knows, so he shoots to the sky, not bothering to think about how much his wings will ache from this weather.

He doesn't know how long he searches, before something starts eating at his gut. Something pokes and prods at his chest. Something is not right.

Something is terribly wrong, and it is not this storm or the sting against his wings. It's not the fact that the city sings even from above, as if nothing but him can sense this.

Nesta is nowhere in sight.

She's not at the bridge, the taverns, the trail to her house, the walk to the bookstores, along the Sidra. There is nothing that says that Nesta lives here, all he sees is white.

White is the color of death, he finds, and something morbid calls him forth.

Nesta. Nesta. Nesta.

He thinks the wind calls her name, an echo of his voice. A chant. Cassian thinks of death gods. Of monsters. Of villainous people.

What is happening to her?

Why can't he find her?

Cassian circles the mountain, pulling at his hair.

There.

A scarf circles around a lamp post and it looks like the one Elain gifts to Nesta for her birthday last spring. Light blue and waving hello, come find me, I need you. When he grasps it, Cassian can catch the slightest whiff of her scent.

"Nesta," he calls, peering at the space as if she'll come out of hiding. He sees piles of snow, no footprints in sight. All he can smell is wind and winter and cold. "Nesta!"

He finds a shroud near the stairs, her head lying against the stone. Touches of brass and pale skin. Snow has already begun to pile on her body. A blanket of white. A funeral.

"Nesta," he gasps. "Nesta. Nesta!"

She is so perfectly silent, it fills him with dread.

"Talk to me, Nesta," he demands as he grasps her shoulders, and then her hands, blowing into them as if that my warm her from the inside out.

Her cheeks are a budding pink and her lips are tinged in blue. Cassian thinks of death, corpses, and pale flesh. He can't help it. Nesta lays so still, he wants to throw up.

Her heart beat is faint, but Cassian thinks it might just be the wind drowning out any noise. At least he keeps repeating that to himself, because pulling out his own won't help hers beat louder or stronger.

"I'm going to take you to the house," he says, though she doesn't make a sound. Nesta's head lulls into his neck as he holds her to his chest. Cassian's surprised to find a touch of warmth at her skin and for that he sends a thousand thanks to the Mother.

"I've got you Nesta," he says, kissing at the top of her head without thinking. "I've got you."

I'm never leaving you alone, again.

~

You see I have a very good memory, so I had this book series memorized like the back of my mind. But then I went into a PhD program, and brain dumped it all. SO I cannot remember some details or at least I can't remember which things happened in what book... just like SJM ( LOL ). So if this is not bookly accurate, just ignore it. Nothing about this is bookly accurate anyway.

Also this is hella dramatic. I should have really just started off with... he found her with no explanation... which is what I usually do. But I tried to give explanation. And... it's dramatic. But whateva.

You'll see her actually sick in the next part.

[mrs-elsie-barnes]

Omega Ours - Part 2 | Alpha!Cassian x Alpha!Nesta x Omega!Reader | Short Series 3.4k

Nesta and Cassian try to stay away from you, but your heat is just so irrisitable...

Warnings: 18+ sexual content, language & themes. Omegaverse dynamics including Alpha & Omega and the sexist assumptions/implications that go along with it, heat/heat cycles, claiming & knotting! Explicit sexual content, vaginal sex, anal sex, use of toys, oral sex, dp, creampie, dirty talk, bit of degredation/humiliation/teasing very much under-negotiated. NSFW. Filth.

Divider by @firefly-graphics & @reveriesources patient beta reading and mutual squealing from @christywantspizza ❤️

Created for @polyacotarweek - prompt 7 free day so ... Have some disgusting smut because I wish I was in a Nessian sandwich!

Cassian & Nesta - from Pinterest

Part 1 | Masterlist | Poly Fics | Cassian

“Nesta -” Cassian’s voice was a low warning growl, you kept your eyes closed as the bed dipped. 

You felt worse, if anything, not better. Their scent was everywhere. On the sheets where you’d heard them make love night after night, on the pillow where the scent of Nesta’s soap lingered. Your heart was racing, your palms hot and sticky with sweat and that sick, dizzy feeling made the room spin. You couldn’t open your eyes if you tried. 

Then there was a cooling hand on your forehead, fingers long and delicate, Nesta. Without thinking, you sighed into the touch, rolling towards her. 

“Nesta, we talked about this, we need to get off the bed now.” Cassian’s voice was so far away, floating from the doorway, but Nesta’s was a balm against your aching mind, whispered in your ear. 

“She doesn’t want me to leave, Cas, and you don’t want to leave either.” 

“No, I don’t, but she made it quite clear -” 

You were drowning in them, their presence, their very beings, the hum of magic that Nesta seemed to emit wherever she went, the swell of power behind Cassian’s syphons, it called to you. Your body was its own, separate from your will, arching off the bed with a whimper. 

“Fuck,” Cassian was closer now, his hand touching your cheek, you nuzzled into it, the callouses on his hands were rough but his palm was a dry warmth, comforting. 

The throbbing that had started in your chest moved down and you recognised the dull ache between your legs. A flush rippled over you, sending goosebumps in its wake and the humiliating feel of slick between your thighs. 

“Hmm - exactly, Cas, fuck.” Nesta sounded as gone as you did, her nose tracing the line of your jaw. “I know you’re awake, sweetheart,” she cooed. Her hands slid over your body, tracing down your side and then up over your stomach and between your breasts. Naked under the blankets, your nipples pebbled when she rubbed a thumb over each nub. 

The bed moved, and Cassian’s hand joined Nesta’s, cupping your full breast and squeezing gently. You moaned in response, trapped between them, your thighs wet with arousal, sliding over each other. 

And then your eyes flew open and the reality of your situation dawned on you. 

“What-?” 

Nesta’s head dipped to nuzzle at your neck, her teeth scraping over the delicate skin and that primal side of you wanted to go lax, to let her scent you and bite you and claim you. But you wouldn’t allow it, couldn’t allow yourself to give in. 

Cassian’s hand was still holding you, his wings flaring behind him, taking up every inch of your eyeline, each movement sending tingles down your spine. His smile was low, hungry and his hazel eyes flicked down to your lips before looking over your shoulder at his mate. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’ll take good care of you,” his voice rumbled. 

Angry, you sat up, your head swimming, and pushed their hands away. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” you insisted, "I can take care of myself.”

With difficulty, you scrambled from the bed, dragging the sheet with you to keep your naked body covered. “If you insist,” Nesta purred, her finger trailing down your back as she passed, moving slowly towards the door. “You can probably deal with this alone, omega.” 

Cassian followed, towering over you as he tipped your chin up with one long finger. “You could deal with it alone, this is your heat after all. But if you need some help, you only have to ask.” He ran his hand over your cheek and down your neck before following Nesta from the room. 

As soon as the door was shut, you threw yourself back on the bed. You knew from their own activities that there were toys and oils in the little table by the bed and it was here you went first, pulling open the drawer and rummaging around until you found a beautiful crystal toy, it was long and phallic, not an unfamiliar shape, but you’d never been able to afford something beautiful before. 

It was blissfully cold against your heated skin, sliding between your folds and you welcomed the stretch as you eased the toy inside, sighing as you lazed back into the bed. You moved the toy slowly, finding a rhythm that had you clenching on the unrelenting material. The haze took over again and you allowed your eyes to close, revelling in the relief of being full. 

Cassian was right, this was a heat and you were sure you could handle it yourself, even if you’d never had to deal with a heat near an Alpha, let alone two, where their heavy presence remained even when they were gone, their scent, the feel of their hands. You tugged at your own nipple, remembering the feel of Nesta’s fingers. Before you could stop yourself, you were sighing her name, imagining that she was still curled up behind you, taking control of the toy between your legs. Then there was Cassian. When you were feeling so vulnerable and dizzy he had kept you steady, his agreement that this was something you could weather seemed genuine, but so was his offer to help. 

They hadn’t been what you expected, this strong, warrior like couple and you moaned again. “Cassian.” 

The toy stopped, a delicate hand moving yours away and taking over, the new angle brushing against your swollen clit. 

“I knew you wanted us,” Nesta’s clear voice made it through the haze, your will to fight fading as she worked the toy harder, pressing up just as a large hand smoothed over your lower stomach. Stars exploded in your vision and you reached out grabbing at them both as you rode out your orgasm. 

Above you, Cassian leaned over, cupping Nesta’s face and pulling her into him. They kissed with such passion you couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

Hazel and blue-grey eyes turned towards you, their gaze piercing, taking in your sweaty forehead, open mouth and pleading eyes. 

Nesta ran a thumb over your lip. “Do you require some help, sweetheart?” Her voice was a tease, making you throb with need. You didn’t hesitate to nod. Her thumb was replaced with her tongue, teasing along the seam of your lips before dipping inside, claiming and tasting you. Cassian continued moving the toy slowly inside, the ripples of your orgasm still making you twitch. 

Nesta’s lips were replaced with Cassian’s, his pressure harder, more insistent and you luxuriated in the feel of them moving around you, taking control of your body. Cassian slid the toy from you and the feeling of emptiness made you whine with need, grabbing at the two alphas. 

“I knew you’d be wet for us,” Nesta hummed, and you opened your eyes in time to see her lick your arousal from the length of the toy. Her hand cupped you between your legs, fingers teasing. “Your pussy’s so wet you’ve soaked the sheets, I knew it.” Her grin was feral, like a cat after cornering a mouse. 

“Let me taste.” Cassian brought Nesta’s fingers to his lips and sucked lewdly. 

You were empty again and this time your whimper did not go unnoticed. “Does someone need their pussy filled?” Nesta pouted at you, her eyebrows raised. 

“Yes, yes, please - I - please,” you begged, the fog of your heat taking over your ability to think. All you could see was them, all you could feel and all that you wanted. 

Nesta turned you to face her, cradling your body into her chest. Instinctively, you licked at a rosy nipple, taking the bud into your mouth and sucking hard until Nesta gasped. 

“Good girl,” she soothed, petting the back of your head, “You’ll need to bite down on something when he pushes in.” Her hand hooked your thigh up over her hip, opening you up and then you felt the blunt, wide head of Cassian’s cock nudging at your entrance and - she was right. 

“Oh Gods,” you moaned, pushing your face further into Nesta’s chest, breath heaving as you adjusted to his size. 

“You’re doing so well.” She stroked your back over the curve of your bottom and then back up with her nails, soothing then scratching in turn. The mixture of pleasure and pain was enough to confuse your already addled brain and, before you could register it, Cassian was flush against your back, panting in your ear. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, you feel so good on my cock, so tight.” He kissed behind your ear, the gentle gesture so at odds with the rough cant of his hips. “We’ll fuck you through this heat, don’t worry.” 

“I can- I can do it on my own,” You insisted meekly, meeting Nesta’s storm grey eyes. 

“Of course you can.” She bent and kissed you gentle. “You’re doing so well, getting through this heat. It’s okay to ask for help. We’ll help you, won’t we, baby?” 

“Of course we will,” Cassian grunted, his thrusts slow and steady but deep, so deep, so full. 

When their eyes met, Nesta mirrored Cassian’s smile, knowing and understanding and teasing and Alpha. They’d take care of you, you knew they would, and you’d be satisfied and satiated by the end but you would be theirs, there would be no arguing your way out of this. 

Your eyes rolled as Cassian hit a particularly delicious spot, sending shooting pleasure up your spine, “Gods, Cassian - I” 

“Come for him,” Nesta instructed and you couldn’t stop yourself, your body obeyed before your mind could argue, pleasure washing over you so fast you had to dig your nails into Nesta’s arms to hold on, so sure you’d be pulled along by it. 

You recovered slowly, floating in a daze of post coital bliss only to find yourself sat above Cassian, the general sprawled below you, his hair like a devilish halo on the white pillow cases and his handsome face contorted with pleasure. That deep ache was still inside, making you grind your clit down against him and it was then you realised he was still buried inside of you, his cock twitching with every movement of your hips. 

“You look so pretty when you come for us.” He held your hips in his hands, keeping you seated despite your surprised attempt at getting up. “You can’t pretend anymore.” 

Nesta’s hands joined Cassian’s, twining together to hold you down, her chin resting on your shoulder. How did she move like that, so silent and stealthy? “I know what you need now, you need to be fucked and filled, isn’t that right?” 

You keened, leaning back into her arms, allowing her hands to travel up to your breasts and circle your nipples again. 

“I said, isn’t that right?” Her hand moved over your collarbone, coming to rest at the base of your throat where her fingers pressed down on your pulse. 

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes - I - I need to be -,” you stuttered, still reluctant to give in to the omega side of you that really did need this, needed to have their body used and filled and be given pleasure. 

“Come on.” Cassian thrust up inside, his cock so deep you were sure you could see it in your belly.

“I need to be fucked and filled.” 

“Good girl.” Nesta rewarded you with a kiss to your cheek. “Now for the last part, you need to be fucked and filled, by…” 

“I need to be fucked and filled by my Alphas. Oh Gods, please, please, I need to move.” You ground your hips again and Cassian obliged, fucking up into you, his feet planted on the bed to keep him steady. 

Behind you, Nesta moved again, her fingers tracing down your spine and the scent of lavender oil filling the room. Her hands cupped your bottom, helping to lift and lower you onto Cassian’s cock, controlling each movement. Cassian’s hands covered hers, spreading you open and pulling you forwards so you were completely exposed to Nesta’s hungry gaze. 

“Such a pretty pussy.” She dipped her finger into the slick flowing over Cassian’s cock. You couldn’t stop the feel of it, dripping between you, easing the way for him. Her finger returned, circling the tight pucker of muscle Cassian’s exploring hands exposed. “Let’s see if we can fill you some more.” 

The first press of her fingertip felt strange, but as she curled and worked her finger deeper pleasure spread up from your back. She was right, it felt so good to be full, a second finger joined her first, scissoring until the pressure was gone and only pleasure remained. 

“Nesta - please,” you begged incoherently, unsure of what you even needed from her, chasing the feeling. 

“Shhh, sweetheart.” Her fingers were replaced by the still body warm head of the crystal toy. 

“Fuck, Nes, push it in harder.” Cassian gritted his teeth, his grip moving you lightly and then you both shouted in pleasure, the toy pushing against the thin wall separating it from his cock. 

“So full, so full, so ful,-” you babbled, much to Nesta’s amusement, her dark laugh in your ear had you clenching around the hard cocks inside of you. 

Cassian’s hand took over from Nesta’s keeping the toy inside and allowing you the freedom to grind down onto him again. 

Free to move, Nesta appeared before you. 

“There’s our little cock hungry omega, nice and full and satisfied.” She ran a finger around your open mouth before dipping it inside to tap your tongue. “Now you stay there,” she instructed, moving up the bed to hover over Cassian. 

“Yes, Nes, you come here. Been working so hard to take care of our little omega, come and sit down.” 

Cassian’s face vanished between Nesta’s thighs, the muscles tensing and relaxing as she lowered herself. You watched, fascinated, as her perfect face twisted with pleasure, the controlled look in her eyes and crooked smile gone. She closed her eyes, cupping her breasts, rolling her nipples as she’d done to yours. You ached to reach out and touch her, to lick the dusky bud again, to taste her and feel her, to run your fingers through her hair. 

Your hand twitched forwards, grabbing her thigh and squeezing. Nesta moaned in return, her eyes shooting open and locking with you while she rolled her hips, taking her pleasure from her mate, using his mouth and tongue until she bit her bottom lip and tipped her head back, panting and moaning through her release. 

She fell backwards onto the bed, resting her head on her arm and continuing to gently circle her nipple, riding the waves of her orgasm. 

You watched, catching Cassian’s eyes as he too turned to view his mate, her legs spread and wet pussy glistening in the candle light. With a tap to your hip, you reached up, releasing his cock with an obscene squelch, but you had no ability to be humiliated by your position, half full of her toy, crawling towards her as if possessed. Your own legs were so wet they slid as you moved and Cassian took the opportunity to nip at your thigh as you made your way to Nesta. 

She was smiling, long lashes fluttering on her cheeks as she rested, but she must have felt you approaching because she beckoned you on, cupping the back of your head and pulling you down for a sloppy kiss. 

Her long fingers gathered your slick, smearing it over your folds, your clit, back towards where the toy still split you open, and cupped your cheeks, parting them for Cassian. 

The male was behind you again and gave the toy a few experimental thrusts, revelling in the way you whimpered and moaned, depending on how he angled the head. You could practically feel his grin when he pressed a kiss to the base of your spine, nipping at the round globe of your ass and pulling the toy free, leaving it to roll off the bed onto the thick rug. 

You whined, completely empty and still needy, humping forwards into Nesta’s teasing hand, her kisses just as biting, just as harsh, sucking your bottom lip between her teeth and worrying the delicate flesh. 

Cassian’s voice was gravelly when he whispered in your ear, “Ask us nicely, omega. Ask us to fill your wet little cunt and your greedy hole.” 

“Please, please, fill me, please, fuck me!” you panted, hips moving of their own accord, seeking any friction they could find. 

Nesta cupped your cheek. “Open your eyes.” You obliged, meeting her own lust filled gaze. “Now beg.” 

You cried out in frustration, “Please, Alpha, please I need it, I need you, I can’t do it - help me - please - help me. Fuck me, please, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me-” You dropped your forehead to hers, pleading, praying. 

Then, you felt Cassian’s cock again, not parting your folds as he’d done before, but running it between your cheeks and pressing against the gap left by the crystal toy. 

“You want me to fuck you?” he asked again.

“Yes, Alpha, fuck me, take me, please, I need your cock - I need - ahh.” The first push was long and deep, he was merciless, splitting you open. 

“Gods, you feel good everywhere, ‘mega.” Cassian’s kisses returned, wet and hot along your shoulders. “Nesta -,” he grunted and the female slid her hand back between your legs, shoving three fingers into your already sloppy pussy without hesitation. 

“Look how well you take us, sweetheart. Letting your Alphas use all of your holes like a good little omega. Just a hole for us to fuck aren’t you?” she cooed, pinching your cheeks again. “Cassian’s been dying to fuck me like this for years, haven’t you?” He only grunted in answer, his pace increasing. You could barely breathe now, every inhale punched out of you by the force of his fucking. “But I wouldn’t let him. Good job we’ve got our own little plaything now. You take him so well, made for it, aren’t you?” she continued to tease and you burned with the humiliation of it, the deliciously dirty feeling of being spread open, used, vulnerable under their hands. And yet you had never felt pleasure like it, the complete surrender of your thoughts, your body, to your two Alphas. 

The thought had you tingling. Were they yours now? Were you theirs? 

Cassian’s pace slowed, his hips faltering as he hurtled towards his release. His long hair brushed against your cheek. “Never letting you go, omega. You’re ours now.” His teeth scrapped down the side of your neck and you shivered, making the decision in a split second, and tilting your head to the side. Cassian’s bite was strong, his teeth breaking your skin quickly before his tongue lapped over the sore spot. He nuzzled into you as he sucked the bruising kiss, inhaling your scent. 

Nesta reached up, guiding your head towards Cassian’s and exposing the other side of your throat before biting down too. Her claim was rougher, her teeth tasting, exploring before biting down and sucking. 

“Yours - yours - yours -” You allowed their claiming bites to consume you, to wash over your senses, and felt the calm of being mated rising to meet you, buoying you up. 

“Good little omega,” Nesta praised, tapping your cheek until you opened your eyes. Hers were surprisingly soft, her mouth wet and lips pink. 

“Such a good - fuck - good fucking omega, our omega,” Cassian grunted, sending you over the edge.

“Yours - yours - yours -” Your orgasm ran towards you and you clenched down on them both, forcing Nesta’s fingers out as your walls rippled. You bent and sucked on her collarbone, needing something, anything, to ground you. 

“Fuck -” Cassian followed, his hips driving forward, pushing you down further into Nesta’s chest and painting you with his release. His cock swelled, impossibly large and pressing against your entrance. His cum leaked around the edges of his knot, mixing with your own release in a sticky, claiming, mess. There’d be no denying your feelings now. 

He withdrew slowly, carefully, his hand cupping your swollen sex as he did and the gentleness of the touch surprised you. 

The three of you lay there, panting and sweating, slick soaked and satisfied until Cassian broke the silence. 

“Does this mean you’ll sleep in the damn bed now?” You turned into his chest, resting your face against his tattoos, and laughed, nodding. Behind you, Nesta curled over your back and smiled into your shoulder. 

“Good.”

[xxvalkyriesxx]

Flying Changes - Chapter Six

A Nessian Equestrian Fic

Masterlist // Previous Part // Next Part

Read on AO3 or below!

@nessianweek (post for Day Seven - Free Day)

AN: Hello Everyone!!! It's been a bit since I last updated Flying Changes! Thank you so much for being kind and patient with me as I participated in my first Nessian week! You can read the fics I wrote for Nessian week either through my Nessian Week 2024 series or the NessianWeek2024 collection here on AO3!! You can also read my fics on Tumblr if you're there too!

Shout out to IRL fandom friend who's been helping with some details for this chapter and a few others! They're amazing and I love them!!

CW: Panic attacks, discussions on anxiety

Snippet:

“Easy, Sweetheart. Some might think you’re flirting with me.”

Nesta rolled her eyes, her stomach turning to iron. “As if.” 

She stood up from the chair. “Am I needed for anything else?”

Cassian shook his head. “No. But before you go off to read your smut and dream of those “barbaric men and warrior women”, I need you to go muck the stalls in the private barn.”

Arching an eyebrow, she shook her head. “I did that this morning.”

**

Ironically this was the first time Nesta stepped foot into Cassian’s office. It was above the therapy barn’s tack room. Windows were displayed on the side creating a perfect view of most of the stalls. She couldn't help but wonder how many times he had watched her through these windows as she did chores. Was it similar to how she would watch from her bedroom window?

The door shut as Cassian walked through the threshold. The sound made Nesta’s shoulders tense, her heartbeat was faster than normal. A sick familiar wave of dread anchored her belly, pinning her to the chair she sat in. Cassian crossed over to his desk speaking, but not a single word did she hear. Not as phantom memories filled her ears like water. Her eyes were casted downwards, afraid. Afraid of what she couldn’t tell. The anxiety of her rotten memories or the anxiety of the what-ifs littering her mind like landfills.

Will I ever break free from this cycle? Or is this the cycle the Mother doomed me to run in through until I’m six feet under, giving my skin and hair back to the world that created me.

Nesta.

Her name was called, but the voice was so distorted was it even real? Air suddenly felt like a right that she couldn’t have. As she breathed, the world around her began to shrink. The walls of the room pushed closer and closer to where she sat. The furniture scratched across the wooden floors.

Nesta, you’re having… panic attack. I’m going…open the door…let air in…need you to focus… Tether yourself…

The voice weaved through her ears, not catching everything that was spoken. There was a presence near her, but it wasn’t too close, but too far. It was familiar and oddly made her feel warm in the arctic hellscape of her mind. The room froze in her terminal, but the furniture kept quiet, the walls still as statues. Her head took in the scene before her.

Five things. What five things can you see? Can you describe them to me?

Words piled onto her tongue waiting for her mind to open her mouth, but nothing fell out. The presence was still near her, but close enough to touch.

Breathe. Name five things.

Windows. Desk. Couch. Photo. Books.

Good, describe them to me.

The windows are to the right of me. I can see the stalls from there.

The desk is in front of me. It's brown.

The couch is on my left side. It’s velvet and green.

There’s a picture on the wall, seven guys in camo.

Books…They were on the nearby shelf. The books are different colors. Blacks, grays, and reds. Some look thick, some thin.

That’s great Nesta. What are four things you can touch?

Somehow the room started to shift back to place. The walls went back in their normal position. Nesta blinked, feeling the wood of the chair she sat in. Her eyes adjusted, the blur slowly leaving her sight. The chair. The wood is smooth, but the further I go, I feel ridges carved with designs.

Nesta reached over to the desk picking up a stack of papers. Documents, probably important. Thin yet the stack holds weight.

Still on the desk, Nesta grabbed a toy horse. A tiny horse. It’s dapple gray and seems to be cantering. The mane and tail are a little sharp with the horse in motion. It’s a plastic toy, but not a breyer horse.

Finally she reached over to the nearby lamp, her hand around the pull-switch. It was metallic and beaded, slightly cool in between her finger pads. Gently she pulled it, the lamp turning on, a warm light filling her vision. The pull-switch of this lamp. It’s kinda cold, not heavy.

I see you, Nesta. You’re grounding yourself. Can you name three things you can hear?

Taking a deep breath, the air traveled from her nose to mouth, in a setting she didn’t know how long it took her to exhale. Was it fast? Was it too slow? Was this good enough? Her gaze wandered over the blur that tricked her eyes. Slightly focused then slightly not.

Focus. What three things do you hear?

Head breaking the surface of the distorted noise, Nesta focused. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Nesta looked away from the blurb, her eyes landing on an old grandfather clock. The clock, it’s ticking. She shifted, taking another breath.

Eventually another noise drifted from the open door. A horse was neighing, probably Jasper. He was the one horse who never shut up. The sound gave light to her belly. Her body wiggled and moved in the chair, the anchor pulling from the pit. Jasper. He’s loud.

Then she heard the blur snort, an almost laugh. Or was it a laugh for real? Your laugh?

“Why are you saying it as a question?” “Are you laughing?”

Silence met her until a voice strode into her mind. “Yes, I’m laughing. You know the horses better than I thought.”

“Name me two things you can smell.”

Nesta sniffed and then sniffed again. A scent, there was a scent that swayed around the room that provided enough evidence it was lingering in the air instead of in her head. “It smells like fall. Clove, cedar, maybe a hint of vanilla? It’s not strong, the scent is mellow enough. Like a candle.” Her head wandered until she saw an air freshener plugged into a nearby socket.

She took another breath, her mind still as she narrowed down something else. It came after moments on end as she tried hard to find something past the scented cloud that was in the office. The other scent was fading, but it gave Nesta just the tiniest of scrapes, in the shape of a needle. “Hay…It’s a dumb answer being in a horse barn.”

“Not at all.”

Her come down was less of free falling and now floating. The ground was in sight as if she could stretch her toes down to touch the floor before her feet fully planted on it.

“Name one person or thing that you’re grateful for.”

A slow rise of panic crawled in, making her go from her body floating in air to a being in hot air balloon. The fire brought her up. Nesta took one, two, three deep breaths slowly, keeping her heartbeat regulated. A face came into view of a woman, beautiful brown eyes, black hair. Her presence was what a friend was described as in the books Nesta read. She clung the name close to her heart. “Emerie.”

“Nesta.” The voice spoke her name.

She looked up to see Cassian kneeling near her. Close enough he could touch her if he tried, but provided a safe distance. Something twanged in her heart, but she pushed it away. It wasn’t anxiety, it was nonsense.

“You did excellent.” He praised, a soft smile on his lips. “The door.” She whispered the barrier, but swallowed her anxiety, speaking clearly. “The door. It was the door that triggered me.”

Cassian’s ears pinked as his fingers pulled on his ponytail. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to slam the door like that.” His gaze lingered from the floor to her eyes. Nesta nodded. “It’s..it’s okay, you didn’t know. But I would prefer not to be taken away to a private area when you’re angry. It..” Her memory was bile rising up her throat.

Cassian nodded slightly, encouraging her. There was no force in his demeanor. “It just brings up..bad stuff.” She didn’t want to name it as if it was a curse looking to haunt her. “That’s..that’s all I need to know, Nesta. I’ll know going forward that isn’t the best plan of action.”

“Thank you.”

“I wanted to speak to you in private because I did want to address a few things that happened in that arena.” Cassian said as he stood up, sitting slightly on top of his desk.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” “I hate to admit this Nesta, but you did.” His voice was calm, apologetic. There was no hate or taunt that threaded his letters. “What did you think I did wrong by standing up for Gwyn.”

Cassian shook his head. “It’s not that.. That took courage. Courage that most people in today’s world don’t have.” “Then what was your issue?” Nesta asked, an irritation gnawing at her. “Legal.”

Nesta blinked once, then twice. She didn’t know why but she was expecting something stupid to come out his mouth like because she’s traumatized or something even misogynistic about her being a woman or perhaps both.

“Legally, if you were to do that and not be an actual staff member during an actual lesson if the ranch was up and running, then you would become liable for whatever happens in that arena, and how it affects everyone there and on this ranch.”

A bitter response was out before she could yank the anger back. “Then hire actual people to prevent what I had to witness.” She waited for his anger to bite her back, sending her from panics to complete rage.

“Well…I can’t argue with that, now can I?”

Nesta opened her mouth, then closed, then opened to say something, then abruptly closing her lips again. Cassian shook with laughter and somehow Nesta thought there were butterflies flying in her belly. It would be a lie to say she hated the feeling.

“Forgive me, but you’re just really cute when you’re like that, Nesta.” Cassian smiled brightly. Her face was in flames with how pink her cheeks came to be. She quickly looked away, her nose scrunching from the embarrassment. He laughed a little more before leaning back, his hands resting on the edge of the desk.

“Back to what we were speaking about. I’m glad you were there for Gwyn and helped her get more simulated with horses. It was a greatcall to use Sundrop. However, you may be an Olympic equestrian, but you never trained to work with therapy horses. Things could have gotten a lot worse today.”

He shrugged. “I mean for all we know, the shitty therapist could be bad mouthing the ranch. I guess it’s a good thing we are technically closed. And I guess I still have a lot to learn being a ranch manager.” “I can’t argue with that.” The smallest of smirks on her lips, echoing his statement from moments ago. Cassian pursed his lips as he shook his head.

“Easy, Sweetheart. Some might think you’re flirting with me.” Nesta rolled her eyes, her stomach turning to iron. “As if.”

She stood up from the chair. “Am I needed for anything else?” Cassian shook his head. “No. But before you go off to read your smut and dream of those “barbaric men and warrior women”, I need you to go muck the stalls in the private barn.” Arching an eyebrow, she shook her head. “I did that this morning.”

“Horses shit a lot. Take it as a learning lesson, Nes.” “That’s not my name.” Nesta glared at him. His lips were sealed as she scoffed before turning around.

As she crossed the threshold, Nesta couldn’t help but think Cassian looked similar to his younger self from the photograph in his office surrounded by fellow military personnel.

**

Pushing the wheelbarrow through the barn, Nesta hated to admit that Cassian was right. The stalls were dirtier than usual in between cleanings.

“Damn horses.” Nesta mumbled underneath her breath as she went to the first empty stall. There was a stall sign that resembled a plaque installed into the front of the stall. The sign read “Odysseus”. There was no show name or owner name, but as they didn’t board the barn out to outsiders, it made sense why there was no need to showcase the owner.

With the pitchfork in her gloved hand, Nesta cleaned out the stall, ridding it of the dirty hay and shit that littered the stall mat. Next, Nesta grabbed the buckets from the stall, giving the water and food buckets a good rinse both drying them off. On her way back, she grabbed new bedding. She layered the new bedding over the mat, making sure it was rid completely of manure and wet bedding before the new bedding was placed.

Before coming to the ranch, Nesta couldn’t remember the last time she used any of her muscles before her fall. She used to dance on the side, and did it while she drank, but it had been almost a year since she last had the urge to dance at all. The first two weeks were rough, but slowly the settled routine gave her some stamina to flesh out.

It didn’t stop her from breaking a sweat once she finished the first stall. The wheelbarrow wasn’t too full, so Nesta moved along to the next empty stall, when something shiny caught her eye. It was a necklace that hung right outside the stall. Taking a closer look, Nesta’s fingers held it up.

A dog tag.

Usual dog tags had the person’s full name, service number, blood type, and religion, instead this one read something entirely different.

Baby Bat | NCAF | PJ

Confusion scrawled onto Nesta’s features as she touched the custom made dog tag. NCAF was the Night Court Air Force, but nothing came to mind with PJ. Maybe it was their unit? But who was Baby Bat? Her teeth bit her bottom lip as she recalled hearing that Rhysand and Azriel served in the NCAF with Cassian, could this be one of theirs?

But as Nesta looked up she noticed another silver dog tag at a different stall. How did I not notice these before? This one read as:

Bat Jazz | NCAF | PJ

Apparently they were fond of bats in this family..Nesta rolled her eyes as she looked back up, noticing four more tags across different stalls. She tilted her head, thinking.

There’s six tags in here, but the photo in Cassian’s office, including him there was seven. Rhysand and Azriel were not in that photo either. Nesta thought to herself as she tried to piece together a puzzle with half the box missing.

“Hey Nesta.” A voice said behind her.

Nesta immediately jumped up, shock and fear twirling around her spine as she spun around to face the person.

“What the fuck..oh..Azriel..what are you doing?” Her gaze traveled from his face to his hands full carrying a western saddle. The color was a rich dark brown, almost black with the horn at a normal height.

“Not much, just polished my saddle for Singer.” She blinked. It was the first time she saw either of the Valyrian brothers hold horse tack.

“Do you compete?” Nesta nodded to the saddle. “Yes’em.” A draw flowed from his voice. “'You ever learned to ride western?” Nesta snorted. “Of course I did. Just because my focus was on English equestrian didn’t mean I didn’t branch out of it every once in a while.”

She leaned against the stall door. “What do you compete in?” Azriel shrugged. “I do a little of everything at the rodeos. Although I focus mainly on bull riding.”

“You bull ride?” Her jaw dropped, just a fraction. “Sure do. Windhaven is small enough that my record is impressive.” “Which is what, three seconds?”

“Ten seconds actually.”

From what she knew about bull riding, which wasn’t a lot, it was extremely impressive. Her gaze traveled up and down Azriel noting the muscles she never really noticed before in his shoulders and arms. They weren't as thick as Cassian’s but Nesta could tell the muscles were strong. A slight pink dusted on her cheeks as Azriel caught her stare but moved past her, heading to the tack room before returning.

“Who’s Baby Bat?” Nesta asked, pointing to the dog tag. Azriel stopped in his tracks. “A friend of the family.” His tone was melancholic. It seemed that he stared off in the distance, almost looking right through her. Nesta held her tongue, not wanting to take a deep dive today.

“Thank you for today, helping with Gwyn and all.” Nesta commented, changing the subject. At the drop of the ginger’s name, Azriel regained his focus at Nesta. “I should be thanking you actually. I worked with her when she came here last and I generally thought it was normal nerves, but something was off. And my mother raised me to be a respectful gentleman, so I didn’t push.”

“Weren’t you raised by Rhys’ mother?” Nesta asked. He shook his head. “A story for another time.” They stood in silence as they ventured off into awkward territory if neither of them spoke or did something.

“How long have you been into her? Gwyn I mean.”

Azriel startled. “When did I say I was into Gwyn?” “I may be a recovering alcoholic, but I know the laws of attraction, Azriel.” “It’s nothing.” Azriel grumbled.

“You have this look on your face when you’re with her, you know. Growing up I would hear it all of the time by my sister. The Artist’s Gaze.” Nesta rolled her eyes. “You could stare at a work of art for hours and never bore, never stray.” “I’m assuming Feyre was the one to say this, not Elain.” Azriel replied, leaning against one of the box stalls.

Nesta’s stomach twisted. “It was actually Elain. That’s how she would describe Feyre whenever I called home to check on them.” “How do you know, Elain?” She crossed her arms at the mention of her sister. Her words from their last phone call haunted her mind.

“It’s complicated.” Azriel said, dropping his gaze. “It always is with an Archeron.” Nesta mumbled before she looked at her phone, checking the time.

“I need to head out to AA or else I’ll be late, come on.”

**

Tag List (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed): @chairofchaos @blueunoias @velarisdusk @c-e-d-dreamer @jsmelodies @inkedinshadows @wolfnesta @lilah-asteria @highqueenmorrigan @daughter-of-lethe @isnotwhatyourethinking @acourtofbatboydreams

[bookstantrash]

A/N: This took a while to post even though it had been written for quite some time lol sorry. It is also the last already written fic I had and the last RED TV titled one (for now, I’ll absolutely write more in the future, one day)

I have an Emerie centric fic that I hope I can finish writing soon now that I am on a break from uni, but I make no promises given my record track I also plan to start studying for my bar exam so there’s that

Anywaaaaays hope you guys enjoy some soft Nessian!

But I don't wanna dance (if I'm not dancing with you)

It had not escaped Nesta’s attention how her husband sometimes left their bed in the late nights. After their talk about his nightmares —  after how he had promised to wake her up and talk when he had a bad dream — his disappearances had become irregular and rare. But recently he had begun to take longer to go to bed, finding excuses to make her lay down before him, or even waking up before the sun had even risen. Nesta knew Cassian was used to waking up with the first rays of sunlight, while she preferred to sleep in — although the early morning training sessions with the Valkyries made her wake up a bit earlier then she would have preferred. However, now he was awake before even the sun had made an appearance and well, she would be lying if that did not bother her.

She had tried to wake up early with him to discover what he was up to, but that had proved to be impossible very quickly. She was not a morning person at all, and all it took was Cassian leaving some kisses on her neck and shoulder, whispering for her to go back to sleep and promising pancakes to make her burrow herself in the furs and mumble that “they better have chocolate chips or else”.

Nesta had also attempted to find where he disappeared to late in the night, something that was turning out to be more difficult than she had expected. Although the House was big and had more rooms than they would ever use, she had made sure to investigate each and every one of them whenever she had the time.

She found nothing. It was as if Cassian’s disappeared to a different dimension, making her reach one conclusion: the House was Cassian’s accomplice in whatever it was that he was up to.

The fact that the House —  who in nine out of ten cases sided with her — had decided to cover up whatever it was that her mate was doing left her puzzled. And, if she was being honest, a little shocked. And betrayed. But if Nesta Archeron was known for something it was for her cunning mind and ability to charmspeak her magical house with smutty books.

So she bid her time, waiting for Cassian to slip off of their bed at midnight while she pretended to be asleep, leaving a kiss on her temple. She waited for a few heartbeats, her Fae hearing making it possible to listen to his footsteps disappearing completely. When she was sure he had left, she threw back the covers and, opening her bedside table’s drawer, grabbed a wrapped package.

“I know that you and Cassian are hiding something from me” Nesta said to the House but all she got in response were the faelights flickering thrice.

“No? You don’t know what I mean?” she shrugged, waving the package around “And here I was, debating letting you read Sellyn Drake’s newest romance before me…”

That made the faelights turn on and shine brightly, and Nesta knew she had gotten Its attention. Having two younger sisters — one of them who liked to prove herself at every opportunity available  —  she knew exactly what to say to get what she wanted done. She didn’t even have to resort to the courtier techniques her awful mother had drilled into her since she learned how to talk.

Nesta could still remember when they lived at their mansion in the human lands, their mother and father gone for the weekend for some stupid engagement party of some even stupider high ranking noble family at their snobby generations old countryside manor.  By some small miracle their horrid grandmother was absent and the governess had gotten sick at the last minute, and with little time to hire someone, they had to make do with only the maids, who were less rigid and mean than what Nesta and her sisters were used to.

And they had enjoyed that weekend to the fullest. Nesta thought that had been the only time they had truly been able to be just children and enjoy themselves. And with that came a closeness and sisterly attitude that was usually lacking between the sisters.

Feyre had pulled pranks on them, hiding behind doors and jumping to scare them, or leaving fresh paint in Elain’s porcelain tea set, making her get her hands all dirty.

Elain had retaliated by baking Feyre’s favourite muffin — an indulgence reserved solely for her birthday, given that “ladies do not eat sweets all the time if they wanted to maintain a proper figure” — but using salt instead of sugar, adding a bit of some spice their father had brought back from one of his travels. Feyre had spit the muffin and chugged an entire glass of water to wash away the taste.

Nesta remembers the cook’s dejected face after seeing the mess Elain had left in his kitchen, having listened to Elain’s pleading eyes and letting her roam free in the otherwise forbidden space.

Meanwhile, Nesta had simply said to five year old Feyre that they “would play statue” and had gotten herself the rest of day to read in peace as her littlest sister was set on “winning the game”.

In conclusion, all she had to do was apply a similar tactic to the House.

“But well, if you insist that there is nothing going on…” she shrugged, opening the drawer and putting the book inside again.

Nesta was about to close the drawer when the book disappeared, the door to her room opening and the lights flashing, as if to say “follow me”.

Works every time, she thought with a sly smile, sliding her robe on as she left her room.

The House guided Nesta through the hallways, making her stop in front of an empty guest room she had previously checked.

“Are you sure Cassian’s in there?” she asked, for a second doubting whether the House knew where Cassian went or if It only wanted to read the smutty book first.

The fae lights outside flicked twice, and Nesta saw the door changing, becoming wider until it was a double door, definitely the kind that did not open to guest bedrooms.

“You glamoured yourself?” she said in disbelief, but the House merely opened a sliver of the door and flicked the fae lights again, as if to say ‘go on, I told you where your mate is now let me go back to my smutty book’.

Shaking her head, she approached the door, spying the room through that tiny crack, her eyes widening at the scene she saw.

Her husband and mate was dancing.

Nesta could see the Symphonia playing in the corner of the room while Cassian danced, stepping on glittering footsteps that showed what he should do and where he should go.

“I think I might be getting the hang of it,” he said with a small satisfied smile “But I don’t know about my arms… It is a bit weird to keep them in position without holding something…”

Pursing his lips, Cassian shook his head.

“Maybe I should have asked for a dummy to practise with…” he furrowed his brow “House, do you think you would be able to make it happen, please?”

However, the House had other plans. No sooner had Cassian spoken, the door suddenly opened all the way, making Nesta stumble into the room and come into her mate’s view.

“You little traitor!” Nesta hissed under breath.

“Nes? What are you doing here?” he arched an eyebrow “I thought the House was on my side for once, but I guess I was mistaken.”

“Well, It did end up bringing me a rehearsal partner so I suppose I am not completely upset at my surprise being ruined.” Cassian added with a lopsided smile, walking towards Nesta and grabbing her hand, bringing her closer with a slight tug on her waist.

The faelights inside the room flicked once, the door closing and the Symphonia starting a new tune. Nesta figured that was the way of the House saying ‘my job here is done, do not bother me until I am done with my book’.

With the Symphonia playing a new melody, Cassian pulled Nesta into the song with him.

“This is the first time you’ve led,” Nesta noted. Usually, she would be the one to take the lead and Cassian would follow her.

It was a bit unusual for the male partner to be the one following instead of being followed, but that had never bothered him. Cassian always let Nesta take the lead, not just when they danced. He knew her strengths and weaknesses. He knew she could take on her own fights and defend herself, but that did not mean that he left her all on her own. He was always there beside her, cheering her on, being there to support her but also give her a different perspective on things. Sure, they argued sometimes, just like every couple. However, they would not have gotten where they were and their relationship would not be what it was if they didn’t. At the end of the day, they always reached an understanding after voicing their opinions. And well, if that sometimes led to some makeup sex neither of them were complaining.

“Am I doing it well, Nes?” he asked, twirling her. 

“You are doing okay I guess,” she answered, trying not to fuel his already big ego even more. But Cassian was indeed dancing more smoothly than the other times. Now, it resembled like when he was lost in the dangerous and deadly dance of fighting he displayed in training. Like when Nesta had stood atop a little hill and watched silently as Cassian rained down upon Hybern’s armies.

“Liar,” he purred, spinning her so her back was against his chest, “I would like to think that I am doing it well after all that practising, but shadow dancing is definitely not the same when you dance properly with a partner.”

Nesta could not see his face, but she knew. She knew just from the way his voice trembled a little, some false bravado and swagger put on it. She knew from the way his end of the bond seemed to waver in uncertainty, just a bit. And she remembered the very first time they had danced together, when he had all but pushed Eris aside while asking for her next dance. At the time, she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her when she saw his hand trembling slightly but maybe… maybe it had not been her imagination.

Did Cassian also practise in secret before that day? Had he been nervous that maybe it had not been enough and that he would end up embarrassing himself in front of her? Had that been why he had seemed so unsure and anxious despite the brave face he portrayed?

“You are right, it is different to dance with someone in comparison to dancing alone.” Nesta said, turning around so she could look into the hazel eyes she loved so dearly “But you are my mate, so of course you are dancing well.”

That had Cassian opening one his brightest smiles, his end of the bond singing and shining.

“But why not ask the House for a dancing partner from the start? It is not the most impossible thing for It to do” she wondered, thinking about all the things the House had made out of thin air on other occasions.

“Well, I am a mated male now,” Cassian answered, dipping her in time with the last note of the song “I was hesitant to dance with anyone else”

“Cassian, it would not be a real partner” Nesta replied, rolling her eyes fondly at him.

He brought his face closer to hers, still holding her in the dipped position. But Nesta was not worried about falling. She knew that her mate's strong arms could hold her that way all day if she asked.

And she also knew that he would break her fall if he was to lose his balance somehow.

“What can I say?” he kissed her, smiling against her mouth “I don’t want to dance with anyone apart from my wife.”

And a month later when the Night Court went to a ball being held in Winter Court to celebrate the birth of Kallias and Viviane’s daughter, Cassian showed off the results of his practice, dancing with Nesta the entire night.

•

tag list: @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @arinbelle @letstakethedawn @katekatpattywack @nestaarcheron @imagine-me @sv0430 @starryblueskies7 @live-the-fangirl-life @valkyriewarriors @readskk @wannawriteyouabook @imwritingthesewords @rainbowcheetah512 @moodymelanist @castielspelvis

[Reblogs/likes/comments are always welcomed!!]

[sapphire-reads]

Spellbound - A Nessian Fic

An ACOTAR 90s AU featuring Nessian

Click here to read on Ao3

Nesta Archeron and her sisters live in a one-bedroom house with their seemingly hopeless father. Nesta, a girl who marches to the beat of her own drum no matter what others think, is sick and tired of her sisters' and their football player boyfriends…until she meets one of the linemen from the rival high school and finds herself unable to stop thinking about him…

This is a retelling of Nesta x Cassian's story in a 90s AU following their journey from high school to college and beyond.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

@thesistersarcheron wins and you all get fluff for WIP Wednesday 😌 hope everyone is getting excited for Nessian Week because I sure am! And I can't wait to share this fic about Cassian versus Nesta's dog that hates him.

“I know I look like shit and that you could be spending your day doing far better things.”

“First of all, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen even when you’re sick. Second of all, I want to spend time with you. And third of all,” Cassian tells her, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you.”

Nesta’s face starts to scrunch up, but she steps closer and hides it against his chest. “I love you too.”

He can feel Nesta shiver against him, so Cassian wraps his arms tightly around her, allowing her to leech as much of his warmth as she can. But after a moment, he guides her out of the kitchen and onto the sofa, grabbing one of the spare blankets and draping that over her as well. A quick glance around and he spots Bingley watching him curiously, the dog’s head tilted slightly.

“Come on, Bingley,” Cassian requests, patting the cushion beside Nesta. “Come watch over our girl for a few minutes.”

Surprisingly, the Australian shepherd listens, ambling into the room and jumping up onto the sofa. The dog settles his head in Nesta’s lap, so content to know that Nesta’s in good hands, Cassian heads out of the living room. He makes a brief pitstop in the kitchen before stepping into Nesta’s bathroom, running her a hot bath. When the tub is full, he adds some epsom salt and a few drops of eucalyptus oil to mix with the steam and help with the congestion. With a satisfied nod, he goes to retrieve Nesta, finding her right where he left her.

“Did you run a bath?” Nesta asks from beneath her pile of blankets. “I heard the water running.”

“Just for you, sweetheart.” He scoops Nesta up and into his arms, carrying her down the hall and into the bathroom. “You soak, and I’ll make you some soup, okay?”

[acourtofladydeath]

Hello, it’s Santa! Just checking in to tell you I am SO excited to write for one of my favorite people in this fandom ❤️

I hear you have a list of information for me…even though that’s Santa’s job!

OMG HI!! So excited it's this time of year again.

If you know me (which it seems as though you might *cue the bombastic side eye*) you know I always have a list. But what information are you looking for? I'll start simple and you can ask me questions based on that...

My favorite ships are Nessriel (my loves), Nessian, and Azris.

I'm a sucker for the Vanserra brothers

I'm a plot over porn person. Gimme a storyline with the smut pleaseee. Also, there does not need to be smut at all, it's not always what I'm looking for in a fic. I'd rather there be plot first, then they can fuck.

I enjoy angst with a happy ending. LET THEM CARE FOR EACH OTHER. Sick fics, cycle fics, hurt w/ comfort/healing fics are some of my absolute favorites.

I really enjoy in universe fics, especially those that explore outside canon. Read between the lines sorts of fics iykwim.

...Ok so maybe my definition of simple is a little different from other people's. I'm gonna let you take it from here and ask some questions before I get carried away and say more than I need to. But I will ABSOLUTLEY tell you more details. I'm all about details.

COLOR ME INTRIGUED, SANTA. Can't wait to hear from you again!!!

P.S. Thank you for saying I'm one of your favorites 🥰

[unhealthyfanobsession]

📚, ❄️, and 🍬 for the ask game!

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

Luckily enough it actually was fandom related haha - not sure if I’ll ever expand this out into a real one-shot but just a little ACOWAR Nessian I’m playing with:

“I need your head firmly on that battlefield,” Rhys said, seemingly without prompting. Cassian raised an eyebrow, certain he wasn’t addressing Azriel.

“I should think my sword is more important.” Rhys gave no indication of amusement at the easy joke.

“I wish that were true.” He ran a hand down his face. “Your mind is worth far more than your sword, brother.” Touching, but Cassian had the Sense Rhys was about to ruin this nice moment. “And your mind has been otherwise occupied for months now.”

Cassian swallowed. Cast his gaze to the tightly tied tent flaps and almost swore he could see her beyond them. Feel her. Wherever she was in the camp. It was true, he’d felt that way for months now. There was no point in denying the obvious. “Perhaps I allowed a brief distraction, but rest assured brother, this war is the only volatile lover I intend to focus on.”

“Lover,” Rhys rolled the word around on his tongue. “If only it were that simple.”

“Don’t.” Cassian warned. Some things, Rhysand was entitled to question. To pry into and pick apart under the jurisdiction of being a thorough High Lord. That, what his words now hinted at, was not one of them.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

I feel like this is pretty much my whole account but let me think of a good one … Oh, I think Azriel is the least mature bat boy and he really needs to grow up. Probably doesn’t get much more unpopular than that …

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

There is a small sick part of me that wants to see full evil Nesta ruling over everyone with Lanthys like in that vision and I think @moodymelanist would crush a dark Nesta like that but idk it might be too powerful to truly exist

[writtenonreceipts]

WIP Title Game

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Thanks for the tag @the-lonelybarricade !! ❤️❤️

I've got way too much going on, haha. Here are some new titles, different from the usual suspects just to throw a bit of spice in the mix...

A Glimpse of Sunlight (elucien week)

Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine (elucien week)

A step In the Right Direction (elucien week)

RegencyAU (elucien week, titles are dumb)

Grumpy X Sunshine (elorcan week)

Hauntings&happens pt2 (elorcan week)

Brothers in Chaos (cassian week)

The Lady in the Water (nessian)

Yvette (nessian)

Sick fic (nessian)

Vodka Man (feysand, title pending)

All I Need (rowaelin)

Hopefully I won't get burned out again...but with so many fun event weeks coming up I really wanna have some fun!

Tagging: @goddess-aelin @sarahjswift @empress-ofbloodshed @backtobl4ck and anyone else who wants to hop on!

[belabellissima]

✨💭🍰 for the ask game!

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing:

Y’all started with the hard stuff 😅 alright uhhh

1) emotional - I feel like I'm really good at conveying what characters are feeling (at least when its angst) and bringing readers along on that journey

2) hopeful - except for my one mcd fic (but even then I wrote a second ending where it was happy and hopeful again), i only write happy endings. Like no matter how bad it gets, there's always something good waiting beyond that. Because life would suck without hope - it's imo one of the strongest things in the universe, and I like my writing to reflect that.

3) physical - i was told one (1) time during one of my classes that I was very good at writing the physicality of the characters during a fight scene, to the point that the reader had absolutely no trouble or confusion what-so-ever about where the character was, what they were doing, which hand the weapon was in, etc. and proceeded to make that my entire writing personality for years. Any time i write an action scene specifically, i think back to their complement and try to judge whether the new scene would get that same commentary, and if I think the answer is no, i go back and edit it to that internal standard. Which i think leaves the writing very easy to understand and easy for the reader to feel when reading.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

ooh this one took me awhile to come up with! I don't really know if it means like... about my writing as a whole? or just one of my fics? So I'm going with the second. I 100% headcanon that azris is real in my State of Grace series (ace!Elain and amnesia!Feysand). I have more fics planned in this series and hope to get azris' story one day, but i don't have any ideas at all for them yet so it remains headcanon. I also headcanon that when Nesta finds out Feyre thought she was a puca she finds it hilarious (though she'll never admit to it), and doesn't let Feyre live it down for at least a decade.

🍰 Name one eight of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

I have so many for all the different ships let me try and narrow it down😫 and put them below the cut!

Feysand:

The A Court of Faded Dreams series and The Outlier, both by the-lonelybarricade. ACoFD is so good at making the angst of UTM and the fallout of time travel be heartwarming, and is definitely a favorite of mine to reread. Meanwhile The Outlier is adorable and definitely a comfort fic when I want to read something short and sweet with flustered!Rhys.

A Court Outside of Time by Sonata_IX - I reread this one so often its not even funny. Feyre trying to seduce Rhys while he's still wearing his UTM mask is hilarious, heartbreaking, heartwarming, and all around amazing. And the Starfall scene???? Rhys learning he's going to be a dad?🥹

What Dreams May Come by as_with_a_sunbeam - sick fic with feyre taking care of Rhys. What else is there to say? Feyre's desperation to save Rhys, only to be as self-sacrificial as him and give him up? It's so good I can feel Rhys' heartbreak every time I read, which makes the happy ending so so sweet.

Nessian:

Anything by TheTeaQueen - she writes Nesta so fucking well and has put out phenomenal fics focusing on Rhys and Nesta bonding. I'm in awe with every single one. Of Death and Resurrection specifically is amazing, and one I return to over and over again.

Begged and Borrowed Time by daughterofthesea - seriously go read this fic. Its so good and heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. One of my favorites hands down - Cassian noticing the embroidery right off the bat? Seeing something that even her sisters haven't noticed? Nesta admitting the truth to him when she can't to anyone else? I die in the best way. 🥹

Elucien:

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room and Don't Blame Me by separatist-apologist are my go-to fics when I need a pick-me-up. I think don't blame me was actually the first of mb's fics I ever read (it is I just checked), and SDIABR will always hold my heart with the fake-courting to real-feelings pipeline, and the way Lucien reacts when he learns of the truth, running around all night to help them out.

Literally the reason it took so many days to post this is that I got sucked into rereading these fics as I linked them😅

[perseusannabeth]

Hello lovey!! It’s your acotar gift exchange Secret Santa here!! A little birdie told me you love Nessian, is that true? ;)

Also… what are your favorite tropes?

I’m so pumped to start working on your gift!!! 💜

Omg hiiii!!! I'm so excited to meet you! And yes I love nessian so i can't wait to see your gift!!!

I could pretty much read anything for nessian, but if you wanna know my true weakness, I just love sick fics. Like, that stuff is like crack to me I just wanna read about one idiot getting sick and then the other taking care of them over and over again. It's a disease.

I don't wanna limit you tho! Like writing fics is hard. I love anything nessian, even angst (as long as it has a happy ending). Also like, if you're feeling a little steamy then smut is always welcome. But it depends!

[serotoninseekermuse]

i FINALLY changed my ao3 username after procrastinating for centuries.

btw I'm about to publish the first chapter of my first stendy fic.

don't come at me for not posting nessian yet, i'm still working on those fics

ANYWAYS there aren't enough stendy-focused fics in the sp fandom and i got sick of that so i wrote one lol

it's going up in a few minutes

[acotardarling]

NESSIAN FIC - A Court of Gold and Soot

Chapter 1

Pride filled Nesta’s heart as she watched the last spar of the day wrap up. The Valkyrie warriors exiting the ring were glistening with sweat. More and more Priestesses had joined their ranks and Nesta was at peace with the small dent she made in the world. She, Gwyn, and Emerie started cleaning up the training ring once all their students had departed.

“Did the mint leaves help?” Gwyn asked, heaving the split logs to the side to be used as firewood. She was referring to the suggestion to use them as a home remedy.

“A little, I think,” Nesta said. “I don’t think they’re strong enough.”

“Even Cassian can’t get your mind off of your ailments?” Emerie teased, raising an eyebrow. Her two best friends had relentlessly teased her after she’d told them that her favorite remedy to get her mind off of soreness from training was a good fuck from her mate.

“Unfortunately, Cassian’s penis isn’t a certified healer,” Nesta said with a smirk. “I don’t know if we’ll ever have the kind of sex that can cure stomach aches.”

“Too bad!” Emeries chided.

“You haven’t felt well in a week,” Gwyn said, concern on her face. It was true – for several days now Nesta’s body had been run down. Her appetite was gone, she was tired at all hours, and she’d get waves of nausea if she’d trained too hard or eaten too quickly.

“Do Fae get sick?” Nesta asked. It took her friends a moment to realize she was serious.

“We can, yeah. Not really human things like colds or flus, but some have allergies, and there are other things we can contract,” Emerie supplied. Nesta thought it over.

“Well if it gets much worse, I’ll send for a healer,” Nesta said. Gwyn smiled.

“Maybe you’re just pregnant,” Emerie laughed, elbowing Nesta in the ribs. Nesta’s expression dropped for a half of a second.

“She’s on preventatives,” said Gwyn. Nesta said nothing as the trio made their way to the library.

Nesta had been distracted by what Emerie said for the first hour or so they were in the library, even thoughs he knew there was a distinct improbability of her being able to conceive. As she walked through the aisles shelving books, the fear loosened its grip on her. Pretty soon it was forgotten entirely.

Cassian was home before Nesta, which was a shocking surprise as of late. He gave her a huge grin as he sat at the dining table. Deep happiness spread throughout her, but she refused to indulge him.

“Nice of you to show up,” she said taking a seat across from him.

“Thoguht I’d grace you with my presence.”

“Whatever you say, bat boy,” Nesta said. She let her eyes roam over him – slowly. She knew what she was doing.

Cassian took note of her eyes traveling over his broad chest, chiseled stomach, and resting on what she could see of his hips. He folded his hands behind his head and gave her a devilish smirk.

Nesta’s body heated at the sight of Cassian across from her. His leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head so that his hips were the focal point. An offering.

“I don’t know if I remember how to do it,” Nesta teased. “It’s been so long.”

“You’re the best at it,” Cassian said. Nesta realized in that moment how much Cassian wanted her lips around him – usually their banter lasted much longer. He wasn’t challenging her, he was too full of desire.

Nesta rose from the table and knelt in front of her mate. His desire was in full view now. She palmed him in a long stroke over his pants and he writhed in response. This would be fun. Her fingers found the laces of his pants and worked out the knots, freeing him. She’d worked him with her hands until his hips bucked towards her face. She smirked and reached behind his head. She tugged at the leather band that held his hair in a knot and released it, quickly using it to tie up her own long locks.

“Fuck, Nes” was all Cassian could manage.

With her hair out of the way, Nesta gripped the base of Cassian’s cock and put her lips round the tip.

She promptly removed him from her mouth and let go. The pressure of him on her tongue made her gag. Twice. Her eyes watered and she begged Cassian realized it was the reflex and not embarrassment (although she was extremely embarrassed).

Cassian lurched forward in shock, fumbling to help his mate. Nesta sat kneeled before him gagging of all things. They’d never had this problem before. Cassian had the problem with other females on multiple occasions, but he’d never been too big for Nesta.

“Shit, babe, are you okay?” Once she recovered she glared up at him. He realized she was fine, if not humbled. Oh this was fantastic for him.

“Don’t. Say. A word.”

“I wouldn’t dare mention how I gagged you with my cock. I thought you liked it rough, Nes, you barely touched me.” He couldn’t help the cocky grin he knew she despised.

“Oh don’t let this go to your head, you Illyrian baby.” Nesta gave him her best doe eyes to try and salvage the mood. “Lean back,” she said, voice as husky as she could muster.

“Don’t even think about it.” Both Cassian and Nesta whirled around to see shadows drifting from around the corner. “This is a dining room, not a sex dungeon,” Azriel reprimanded. Nesta stood up and quickly tore out the leather in her hair, tossing it at Cassian a little harder than she should have. Cassian felt no remorse, he was too entertained by the whole event.

“Sorry, Az. It’s been a while since you flexed your chaperone hat,” he quipped. Azriel rolled his eyes.

“I’m starving,” Azriel said changing the subject and sitting down. He served himself from the House’s elaborate spread – roast, asparagus, fried lemons, and mashed potatoes. Nesta’s mouth watered. She speared some of everything and dug in.

“You like fried lemons?” Azriel asked her.

“I’ve never tried them, they never appealed. They’re delicious,” Nesta said between bites. It wasn’t like Azriel to inquire about her food choices.

Soon enough, the meal ended which saw Azriel retreating to his room and Cassian and Nesta lazily cuddling in bed. Most nights, this was the most Nesta could expect. Cassian’s light snores filled the silence soon enough. He’d been adapting to his Courtier duties the only way he knew how – to work relentlessly until it was second nature to him. If he wasn’t off in some far away land or overseeing progress at Windhaven, he’d either be in the training ring, keeping up strength and appearances, instructing Priestesses, or hanging out with his nephew. Lately he’d been complaining of how few hours there were in the day. Nesta didn’t necessarily feel like an afterthought – she knew how this work fulfilled Cassian. She just missed him. She knew if she voiced this he’d drop what he could to be around more, but she refused to be a pining wife. First of all, they weren’t married yet. Second of all, Nesta’s schedule was anything but bland. She maintained training in the mornings – sessions for herself to exercise her mind as well as sessions where she instructed. She also worked in the library, helped Emerie in the store, and visited Windhaven when Cass couldn’t. She’d also promised Cassian last solstice that she’d make more of an effort with her sisters, which apparently meant weekly meals with both of them.

It was a busy time to be alive, but Nesta knew how lucky she was to be busy. She used to rot all day in poverty, insecure and freezing cold. She never would have pictured savoring moments with those around her.

The thoughts comforted her as she drifted into sleep, wrapping her body around Cassian’s.

Nesta bolted upright in bed. Based on the darkness seeping in from the windows, she could tell it was early morning. The contents of her stomach were churning aggressively. She reached out to her bedside table for a mint leaf to chew on. The smell of mint only made it worse. She sat stiff as a board and focused on breathing until the nausea subsided.

Next to her, Cassian stirred but thankfully stayed asleep despite the commotion. After earlier’s incident in the dining room, Nesta couldn’t take anymore humiliation.

The peak of the nausea passed her, although the subtle taste of acrid bile remained. Nesta carefully got up to retrieve a glass of water.

She and Cassian had left much of their house the same after it was gifted by her brother in law, but she couldn’t help adding some personal touches. She’d added some squashy chairs to their personal library, where she, Emerie, and Gwyn spent much of their leisure time. It was while crossing through the library that a secondary stomach pain struck. She plopped into her favorite armchair as vomit rose in her throat.

No. she thought. Not on her new rug. She willed everything inside her to remain where it’s supposed to be.

“Here,” she heard a voice say. She jolted, just as Azriel revealed himself from the shadows, a delicious looking glass of water in hand. She said nothing, but outstretched her hand. She liked Azriel, and usually gave him the grace of starting the conversation. This time she didn’t feel up to it.

Azriel stood leaning against a nearby wall. The quiet didn’t bother him. He noted Nesta appraising him and noted the hesitation in her face.

“You’ve been ill,” he said. It wasn’t a question. Nesta was aware of Az’s instinctual interrogation tactics – make claims until your interviewee either corroborates or denies and go from there. She wasn’t surprised Azriel noticed she wasn’t feeling good. Besides his gods-given talent for noticing details, his shadows told him what was happening in the house, and he kept especially close tabs on those he cared about. He’d really started to appreciate Nesta in the months since her and his brother mated. Cassian brought a lightness to her and a gentleness that he supposed even her sisters had never known. Accustomed to being an outsider, Nesta noticed when Azriel got too in his head and was always able to draw him out. They had a sort of symbiotic relationship.

“A shame the lemons didn’t help,” he said with a smile. Something clicked within Nesta. Emerie’s joke replayed in her mind. Maybe you’re just pregnant.

A cold sweat shivered down Nesta’s spine. Nausea, sensitivity to smell, fatigue, inhaling foods she’d never cared for before. She couldn’t go down this rabbit hole in front of Cassian, who was starting to question the silence.

Several beats passed before Az asked, “Do you need anything else?” Nesta composed herself, dragging up her defenses.

“No,” she said. A forced calm masked her voice, but Az noticed her shoulders stiffen.

“You sure?” he prodded. The corner of his mouth quirked up. He didn’t mind providing the extra nudge, knowing Nesta oftened required more than one offer of help.

Nesta adjusted her posture ever so slightly, maintaining the picture of ease. “I’m fine, I actually think the lemons disagreed with me. Cassian doesn’t need to know.” The words were heavy in the air.

“I wasn’t going to tell him,” Az said. He assumed she would – her knew for a fact that her and Cassian were open with each other. He’d heard more than his fair share of pillow talk from the pair. But Nesta’s request weighed on him. Why would she take special care to keep this from her mate? He wasn’t as overbearing as Rhysand was towards Feyre, and he’d probably be happy to help in any way she’d allow.

“He’s been so busy. He doesn’t need to worry about this.” She waved a hand, feigning nonchalance as she surveyed Azriel just as much as he surveyed her. The Shadowsinger was standing so still it’s as if he could vanish in a blink – like if she didn’t stare him down he’d disappear.

Azriel couldn’t – wouldn’t – lie to his brother. But if Cassian didn’t breach the subject of Nesta’s health, Azriel supposed he’d have no reason to bring it up. Even though his shadows felt that she was yielding Cassian’s busy schedule as an excuse, Az knew there was truth to it. It’d been decades since he’d seen Cass worked so hard. He also knew that both Cass and Rhys would take on additional tasks for him, sparing him burden. Azriel thought this situation much the same – he’d swallow this truth to lighten Cassian’s load.

“Goodnight, Nesta,” he said. He let his shadows linger just a moment before they, too, retreated. As Nesta tiptoed back into her room, she was startled to see Cass looking back at her, grinning.

“Where’d you go?” he asked grinning.

“Thirsty. Didn’t have any water at the bedside,” was all she replied. Her eyelids suddenly felt so, so heavy.

The male in her bed stretched out his arms and wings. “Apologies, I’ll make sure there’s a pitcher of water and a glass from now on. Or maybe I’ll ask Rhys if we could get a well installed,” he said, his smile growing. Although he was more awake than Nesta would prefer, she still noticed the evidence of sleep on her mate. Slow, deep breaths, a cozy, warm temperature, and sleep dusting his waterline. All she wanted was to lay in bed, absorb the heat from Cassian’s perfectly chiseled body, and close her heavy eyes. She didn’t even have the energy to worry about what might be wrong with her.

He beckoned her to him and she obliged, happily slipping under the covers. He wrapped a broad, callused hand under her waist and pulled her close, nuzzling her neck right where she loved. She felt his fingers glide through her long, unbound hair, until eventually flowing past her ends and resting on the swell of her ass. Nesta noticed a familiar pressure pushing against her from behind. The nose that was nuzzling her was replaced by a tongue. Nesta felt her breasts tighten in response.

“It’s 2AM Cassian,” she said quietly.

“Yeah, but it’s you, Ness,” he replied. His hand snaked toward her chest, but she stopped it in its path.

“No, Cassian,” she said. He stopped immediately, pulling back a little to take a better look at his mate. The peaceful sleepy haze cleared around him.

“Are you okay?” he asked her. This was the first time Nesta had ever denied any of his advances. They’d had romps at much more inconvenient times and places.

“Mhm, is it really so hard to believe anyone might resist you for some decent sleep?” his mate replied. He wasn’t buying it. He flipped Nesta over effortlessly and let his eyes assess hers. Physically, she seemed fine.

“Did I hurt you last time?” guilty already started to bubble up.

“No, of course not,” Nesta said quickly, “you should know by now I can handle you. All of you.” Her gaze dropped below his waist for a fraction of a second and he felt his body respond. He was powerless against her. Always.

Ignoring the response of his body, he didn’t give her a smile. He continued to hold her gray-blue gaze. She marked the concern in his eyes.

“Okay,” she conceded. “I might be a little sore.” The lie burned her throat, but that seed of defense eased as Cassian’s’ smirk returned.

“Sure you don’t want me to kiss it better? I’d be more than happy.” She returned his smile and planted a quick kiss on his lips before turning over and closing her eyes. The thought that she didn’t deserve Cassian echoed in her skull until sleep over took her.

When she awoke she was in the middle of their bed, Cassian’s absence almost palpable. She knew he’d be with the Illyrians. Devlon had been making sure that every spare moment Cassian had was spent in the frigid mountains thanks to his refusal to comply with Cass’s orders to train the females. Sometimes Nesta would join, but today she needed to see a healer. Rhys had wanted his Inner Circle to use Madja but Nesta didn’t want anyone whose allegiance was more towards the High Lord than their patient to oversee her healthcare.

She slipped on a comfortable pair of leather leggings and a warm sweater before heading out. Without sending for Madja, she’d have to go into Velaris on her own. As she prepared to take on the 10,000 steps to the city, her stomach lurched much worse than last night’s bout. She ran to the bathroom and vomited until nothing was left. As she rinsed her mouth she realized the stairs weren’t an option. She was too weak, and didn’t want to risk being ill in the stairs. Cass had once told her of a time he, Az, and Rhys had gotten sick on the stairs and how putrid it was.

“Azriel,” she said aloud. Those nosey shadows would fetch him if he was home. Soon enough, quiet footsteps entered the room. Azriel stood there, bare chested and skin flushed. Her caught her eyes roaming him over.

“Training ring,” he said as both greeting and explanation. The warrior was still catching his breath. Nesta quickly snapped her eyes to his face and kept them there.

“I need to speak to Feyre,” she said as evenly as she could. As much as she trusted the Shadowsinger, she didn’t want him to know she was off to a clinic. She figured Feyre taking her to Velaris posed a better chance of her transporter not knowing her final destination. Her sister was so recognizable in the city, it’d be much easier to slip away from her in the crowd to find a clinic that it would be to sneak away from someone who controlled the shadows.

Az nodded and tugged on his shirt before carefully laying his scarred hands under Nesta’s knees and around her waist before lifting them skyward. The wind felt fantastic in Nesta’s long hair. She turned her face towards the sun and let the warm rays kiss her face.

Before long, the River House came into view. Nesta knew by the hollow gaze in Az’s eyes that he was sending a mental message to his High Lord and Lady about their arrival. Knowing them, it was also most likely doubling as a warning to get decent for company.

Azriel’s landing was impeccably smooth. So was his swift but secure release of her from his arms. Nesta nodded her head as a thank you before stepping through the front doors.

Feyre and Rhys stood in the foyer, seemingly awaiting her arrival. As she felt Az’s presence enter behind her she knew she’d been right about the mental messaging.

“Glad you got the smoke signal –Lady Death has arrived,” Nesta said, knowing the coldness in her tone got under Rhys’s skin. Feyre said nothing, but wore a smile that didn’t meet her eyes. “Are you available for a trip into the city?” Nesta cut to the chase.

Her youngest sister shifted against her mate whose hand rested on the small of her back. Always protecting. Always around Nesta.

“I could make a trip,” Feyre replied. “As long as Rhys doesn’t mind watching Nyx alone.”

“I never mind being with my son,” Rhys said. “Besides, Cerridwen and Nuala are always available in urgent matters.” He shot Nesta a look, as if letting her know that he could be at Feyre’s side in a heartbeat. Evil Nesta was the constant refrain.

“Wonderful,” Nesta said, completely void of emotion. She turned on her heel, content to end the interaction there. A moment later Feyre joined her outside. Nesta silently offered her hand. Feyre winnowed them into the Artist’s quarters in town. If she hadn’t been so horrifically dizzy and ill from the winnowing, Nesta would have noticed they’d landed near Feyre’s public art studio. But unfortunately, Nesta’s already uneasy stomach was spiraling. As soon as her feet felt secure on the cobblestone, her guts tried to empty again, producing only bile and a terrible cacophony of retching.

“Nesta,” Feyre gasped, rushing forward to gather Nesta’s long hair.

“Don’t tell them,” Nesta choked out between heaves. “Do not message Rhysand.” Her voice was an icy command. Feyre’s hands which had just been re-gathering the hair at the temples of her sister’s head froze. Faltered. But she said nothing, which Nesta knew amounted to an agreement.

Nesta straightened, summoning every bit of dignity in her as passerbyers ogled at the high Lady and her vomiting sister.

“I’ll send for Madja when we’re home,” Feyre offered.

“Not necessary. I’m here to see a healer. I’m not involving Madja.” Nesta knew the words would hurt Feyre. They were laced with an inherent mistrust of Feyre’s Inner Circle. Of her true family, the one Nesta never would fully amount to. She hadn’t planned on Feyre knowing her whereabouts at all. She hadn’t counted on being ill so publicly.

“I’ll walk you to a clinic,” was all she said, her voice revealing no evidence of the hurt Nesta seemed to so easily inflict. Nesta was grateful Feyre asked no follow up questions. The silence between them gave way to the guilty thoughts that always seemed to lurk in Nesta’s head.

The eddy of dark thoughts only disappeared from her head as she registered that Feyre stopped and motioned towards a front door. “Do you want to be alone?” Feyre asked. Nesta sensed the forced indifference. She opened her mouth to say yes but the words caught in her throat. Something cracked inside her. The defense that was telling her to keep secrets from Cassian and Azriel turned into fear that stuck in her chest. She didn’t want to be alone. She couldn’t

“Come with me.” The words surprised Feyre. Nesta let the genuine fear rise in her eyes, letting them express what her words couldn’t. Something was wrong and Nesta didn’t know what.

Feyre sat in the corner of the room, present, but not overbearing. The healer had stunning amethyst eyes and beautiful brown skin. Her nails were long and accented the deep wrinkles in her hands. This healer was experienced. Probably not as experienced as Madja, but enough to earn Nesta’s innate trust.

“You’re pregnant,” the healer said matter of factly. “Barely two weeks. I’m surprised you’re having symptoms. Your scent is barely noticeable.” The words rolled out of the healer’s mouth and slammed into Nesta. Pregnant? How? She’d been taking a contraceptive tonic. She didn’t want this

Besides her Feyre gasped. Fuck Nesta thought. She was deeply regretting asking her sister to come.

“I’ll give you two a moment,” the healer said, likely noting their pale complexions and blank expressions. Feyre composed herself and gave the old female one of her most diplomatic smiles. Nesta didn’t bother. The healer paused at the door to say “There are options, Ms. Archeron. Just so you’re aware.” The door closed behind her.

Feyre quickly threw up a block of air, shielding their conversation from any unexpected listeners. She reinforced her mental shields as well. Right now, this was none of her High Lord’s business.

“Nesta,” she started tentatively. “This is good. Cassian will be thrilled. I didn’t know you were trying.” She was optimistically giving Nesta the benefit of the doubt.

Nesta’s head turned, shadows clouding her eyes. It was as if a flame of that freezing abandoned fire flared.

“We weren’t trying. I’m on a contraceptive drink.” The words struggled to escape from the tight-lipped expression of Nesta’s angular face. Feyre absorbed the info, unsure of what to think. As someone who’d previously taken the medicine, she knew the rules. Every month, same time, the whole drink.

“Did you miss a day?”

“No,” Nesta said. “Well yes. By one day, but Cassian and I hadn’t been together the day I missed it. It shouldn’t matter, I took it the very next morning after the effects expired, and didn’t even have a male to bed the one day I wasn’t protected.”

For the first time in Feyre’s memory, Nesta looked unsure. She wasn’t sure what thoughts were unfurling but she noticed her chest heaving quickly up and down, followed by a tremor through Nesta’s whole body. Tears slipped down her cheeks and broke Feyre’s heart.

Here was her strong, unrelenting sister. The one who’d beheaded the King of Hybern, completed the Blood Rite, and stolen from the Cauldron. She became the picture of undiluted terror.

The need to protect overtook everything else. That spark of power filled Feyre with light, allowing her to take on wings. Her body protested as she tucked Nesta in her arms and took off. Flying wasn’t her strong suit, but she knew she needed to get Nesta far away. That thought propelled her through the sky, pumping past the burning in her shoulders. There would be time once they landed for Nesta to explain exactly what caused such an intense panic.

Feyre flew and flew and Nesta cried and cried for miles until Feyre’s back was protesting so fiercely she worried they’d fall right out of the sky. She spotted a cave tucked in the expanse below. She knew they were headed towards Ramiel. The image of Nesta strong and powerful conquering the Blood. Rite pounded in Feyre’s head. It was early summer, meaning that this year’s Blood rite concluded not long ago, ensuring there would be no rogue Illyrians. Even the monsters seemed to be out of season.

Once they landed, Nesta stood still. She didn’t move or talk or blink. For a moment, Feyre worried she’d been foolish to run away with Nesta. She was out of range to use her Daemati power and she barely knew the area. They had no food, water, or weapons save the dagger Feyre never left home without.

Numbly, without speaking, Nesta shuffled into the nearby cave. Feyre winced as she tucked her wings in tight enough to fit through the mouth of the dwelling.

Watery eyes peered up at Feyre. She was struck by how clearly her sister’s expression reminded her of Nyx. She recognized that vulnerable, innocent sadness that painted her son’s expression after a bad dream now on her sister’s face.

“Nesta,” was all she said as she folded her into her arms. It had been ages since they’d hugged. Nesta’s body was so different since the last time they’d hugged. She was sturdier, with muscle packed on from hours of training with Cassian.

Cassian… he was blind to this. Of his child’s existence, of his mate’s sadness.

Nesta rested in her sister’s arms until the sky turned into a pinkish sunset. She appreciated the silence that Feyre allowed. She appreciated the solid hold around her. She slid her mental shield low enough for Feyre to notice and understand the gratitude.

“Always,” was all Feyre said. “What do you want to do? Immediately, I mean.” Nesta loosed a breath, not ready to face the biggest of her several impending decisions.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to see Cassian.” Feyre’s heart ached for Cass, but she understood that Nesta needed time to think.

“Alright. What should I tell Rhys? He’s been prodding at my shield for hours.”

“I don’t care,” Nesta snapped. In a way, Feyre was glad to see anything but the shell Nesta was sliding into. “Tell him we’re camping. Tell him I’m running away. Tell him nothing for all I care.” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could consider them -- consider that whatever Feyre told Rhysand was what Cassian would be told.

Feyre’s eyes were scanning the blue-gray eyes that mirrored her own. Nesta seemed to be searching for a right answer, but she wasn’t sure there was one.

“Tell him I need space,” she started again. Timidly. Gently. “Tell him I’m questioning my relationship. I needed to leave. That you took me away to stay sober.” The words tasted like acid as they left her lips. She had cried enough today. Weak. She pushed that dark, destructive feeling down until it no longer weighed enough to suffocate her.

Feyre’s jaw hung open. “They’ll never believe that.”

“They will. He will,” Nesta countered, referring to Cassian. “Cassian wanted sex last night and I refused him. He knows it wasn’t normal and he knows I broke my sobriety, he’ll figure staying is a true risk. I’ll need to be away.” She felt her heart tumble towards her stomach and couldn’t bring her gaze to meet Feyre’s.

“I didn’t know,” Feyre whispered. She wasn’t asking for more details, Nesta knew, but it felt right to explain anyway.

“A few weeks ago I drank. It was the first time doing so since I went to train with Cassian. My tolerance was so low. Even after one glass I was tipsy. But there was also euphoria. That drink turned into a second. I don’t even remember how many. My memory turned into blackness. I don’t know how the night ended, but I woke up at home. This was the night I missed taking my tonic. It had expired that night. Cassian wasn’t home.”

The truth of what Nesta was saying sank info Feyre like a stone dropped in water. The panic made sense. If Nesta could have only gotten pregnant on a night when Cassian was gone then that meant…

“It’s not Cassian’s’ child.” Feyre’s heart clenched as she whispered the words aloud. Nesta’s face betrayed none of what she was feeling. “I’ll send Rhys your message.”

[xxvalkyriesxx]

Nessian Week | Day Five | Behind Closed Doors

Read on AO3 or below

@nessianweek

Summary: Sometimes a Valkyrie and a General need some TLC <3

AN: This was so cute to write! It was my first fic I wrote for Nessian week <3 Enjoy this fluff!! Banner made by me via Canva.

CW: Slight sexual content (consensual)

Snippet:

A small gasp echoed across the room as Nesta’s eyes filled with stars. Flipping back to the front cover she immediately started reading the novel. The premise was everything Nesta loved. A slew of tropes including enemies to lovers, a princess and a rebel leader, forced proximity, and one bed. The sheet laid on her face comfortably.

She was nearing fifteen pages in when the powder room door opened, Cassian standing in the doorway.

“I feel stupid.” He mumbled, a similar looking sheet mask on his own face. It barely fit his entire face as he settled down next to Nesta. She shifted looking up at him.

“Self-care isn’t stupid.” 

“But I look ridiculous right?” Cassian asked.

A nearby clock chimed as the hands rested at the twelve. The music swirled with bells and strings letting the residents of the House of Wind know that midnight was here. Nesta Archeron emerged from the powder room, wearing one of Cassian’s shirts that easily reached her knees. A gentle whimper sang from her lips as she settled into bed. Her hair was down, reaching her lower back now. It needed a trim, but that could wait. On her face rested a sheet mask, a gift that Bryce Quinlan delivered to her for her birthday that spring.

“My mom says happy birthday, and that even the toughest of warriors deserve some ‘treat-yourself’ days. Everything in here can last for a while, and no there aren’t any mind controlling parasites lurking in there. Checked everything myself.”

Nesta gave her a deadpan look before accepting the gift. It was a red box that weighed like nothing. She stared at the woman as the golden portals between their worlds glowed. Opening the box, Nesta saw the most unusual items. Her head tilted in confusion, holding up a few cold colorful packets.

“Those are sheet masks. We didn’t know what type of ones to get you, so we got you literally everyone we could think of. I wrote the instructions in your language as best I could, but it’s all easy steps. Clean your face, leave it on for fifteen minutes, then rub everything into your skin.”

The coldness of the sheet took some getting used too, but Nesta grew to love them.

The day was long as her feet ached from the week-long mission she just got back from. Nesta and the fellow Valkyries were sent to help the outskirts of Hybern where small villages were still recovering from the war. They managed to help three villages get back on their feet, providing resources from the solar courts of Prythian. The leaders of the courts met and discussed what to provide to the fae folk in need in the months leading up to the mission.

While it was primarily a peaceful mission, Nesta ended up in several small battles with some rebellious group. As the country didn’t have a ruler anymore and no heirs to take the throne, these groups weren’t too uncommon in the land. Granted most of the individuals in the group were not military trained, making things easier for Nesta and her friends to deal with, but this was only the beginning. There would be more to come.

But all of that could wait, as the House lit a fire, silencing the cracks followed by dropping a romance onto Nesta’s head.

She winced, rubbing the spot. “Ow! Watch it.”

The House made a nearby rug ripple as if it was laughing. Nesta playfully rolled her eyes before looking at the recommendation. The cover had the classic couple, standing in such a romantic pose with yearning that should have made Nesta sick, but it made her giggle and kick her feet. Flipping to the back she read over the synopsis. 

A small gasp echoed across the room as Nesta’s eyes filled with stars. Flipping back to the front cover she immediately started reading the novel. The premise was everything Nesta loved. A slew of tropes including enemies to lovers, a princess and a rebel leader, forced proximity, and one bed. The sheet laid on her face comfortably.

She was nearing fifteen pages in when the powder room door opened, Cassian standing in the doorway.

“I feel stupid.” He mumbled, a similar looking sheet mask on his own face. It barely fit his entire face as he settled down next to Nesta. She shifted looking up at him.

“Self-care isn’t stupid.” 

“But I look ridiculous right?” Cassian asked.

Nesta bit her cheek, attempting to hide the smile that was about to appear.

“Great now you’re laughing at me.”

A giggle slipped from her before Nesta placed a hand gently on her mouth. However, her shoulders shook silently. 

“I..I’m not laughing!”

Cassian stared at her with a deadpan expression. “And I don’t have wings.” The sarcasm was strong through his words.

His complaint only made her break into a huge smile. Swiftly however, Cassian swiped both of the sheets off their faces before dumping them in the nearby waste bin.

“I wasn’t done!” Nesta exclaimed, placing her book down.

“Don’t care.” Cassian joked before pulling Nesta into his arms.

Immediately her body rested against his. The hands she grew to love over the last five years traced patterns into her back. She sighed gently, resting her face in the crook of Cassian’s neck. He kissed her head gently. Their heartbeats drummed in unionsion, a golden string curled between them.

Reaching over Cassian grabbed the book Nesta was just reading. He flipped it over, reading the back.

He hummed. “All of your favorites, Nes. I swear the House spoils you more than me.” 

Nesta shrugged. “It missed me. I was gone for a whole week.”

“I missed you more.” Cassian growled. “ I can’t stand being away from you, Wife.”

The pet name that made Nesta’s toes curl as she leaned over Cassian. Wife was always something near to her soul, a small grasp of the humanity that still lived in her. Cassian was the one to suggest it, after mate wasn’t giving her the same response. However, she usually referred to him as her mate. Their worlds collided in the devoting exchange.

Gently she took the book from Casian’s grasp before placing it onto her night stand. A smirk toying on her lips.

“Care to share how much you missed me, Mate?

Their kisses made Nesta’s soul light as his hands caressed her body all over. When the two made love, they became the instrument and the artist. Playing each other to the perfect rhythm, creating a soft spoken melody that sung between the two of them. Time wouldn’t exist for them as their love was a religious experience. They kissed prayers of desires on skin, knees were matched in kneeling pink. Golden light plucked between them, reaching their holy moment.

When they were spent, Nesta laid on her belly, her body aching in all the right ways. Cool to the touch, she whimpered. Cassian mumbled an apology before he continued cleaning her off. He quickly threw the wet cloth in the nearby hamper. Gently he laid back down, pulling her close to his chest, kissing her freckled shoulders.

They mumbled their ‘I love you’s’ all the while the doors to their balcony remained closed, keeping the summer nights away.

[that-golden-lyre]

Y’all are gonna get real sick of me tagging @ladynestaarcheron in these posts but I’m her resident simp in chief so get used to it 💁🏾‍♀️. This fic had me! It had me in its FILTHY CLAWS and Lizo I am calling you out, and this post is 100% to harass you because….I be doing that. ANYWAYS! One of the things that I will never forgive Sj/m for is taking away the one representation girls that haven’t had sex yet, had in this series. Now don’t get me wrong, I cannot claim to be even a LITTLE innocent. BUT! The fact that NONE of her characters have had positive first time sex experiences is ridiculous. So THIS was just what the doctor ordered. I loved the tenderness that this fic explores. But most of all, I love how this fic takes sexual explorations in reasonable steps. They take their time. They SPEND time loving each other. They explore intimacy and not just sex. And i think that makes some of the best smut! But also, smut that isn’t just two experienced people doing the whole damn Kama Sutra!!! It’s tender, it’s explorative and Lizo I am thirsty for more. SO! If you’re a fan of pre acofas Nessian, give it a read! Thanks to @ladynestaarcheron for sharing 💙💙

[gothicbabydollz]

Just wanted to say, been enjoying your writing. Been nice little reads, while home sick. Thanks for sharing 💛

Your Nessian x reader fics are 😳🥵

I’m glad you enjoy ☺️