#nellie: the sexcapade so good we spun it off unchanged

[buttonloops]

successfully managed to stop texting Nellie literally one thousand times a day so that we can both attend to the rest of our lives

new problem: now i'm constantly talking about her to my friends

must...have....one...iota...of...chill

[buttonloops]

counting the minutes

soon i will leave to snatch up nellie and whisk her away for a whirlwind evening of emotional and physical sadomasochism

(and afterwards, cuddles)

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i love her so much

i can't wait to love her better

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feels like an endless array of things i'm excited to do with her.

life is better when you have something to look forward to....and now there are so many things i look forward to.

kink stuff and life stuff and more kink stuff in service to life stuff

and just. how could there ever be world and time enough to do all the things i crave for us

[buttonloops]

oh no i gave nellie my tumblr so she could see all the sappy things I'm writing about her

her reaction was delightful

but now i can't tell you all my secret plans for our date tomorrow!

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yooooooooo i had a threesome and it was AWESOME

BOTH OF MY PARTNERS AT THE SAME TIME EEEEE

it made me so happy to see them together

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sexcapades: smug

new girl told me I ate her out better than anyone has ever

i am a sex god

[buttonloops]

sexcapade (explicit)

god i am just. floating. that scene was the most depraved shit i've ever done and it felt so fucking good.

we hashed out most of the negotiation over text, sketching out several scene options but also a whole spectrum of intriguing shit we could explore down the road.

so then when we met up, we'd already talked about how we wanted it to go

I told her where to meet me. I got to the bar first. I was still dressed from work: blue jeans and a white oxford button-down. Nice leather shoes. I ordered a fruity, girly cocktail for her and a bourbon on the rocks for me.

(I do not recommend mixing alcohol and kink, especially on first dates, especially when indulging in edgeplay! However, we'd already discussed our individual alcohol tolerances and explicitly opted-in to a small amount of booze. This is not Safe and Sane but it was Risk Aware.)

[Content notes for below the cut: my sex life, misogyny kink, edgeplay, mixing alcohol and kink, being an absolute shit to this girl]

She arrived. We smiled at each other. Blushed. Fell easily into small talk, all the first-date questions we'd skipped about our jobs and ages and home lives. She finished her drink and got another, even fruitier. I hit the perfect level of buzz halfway through my first drink and switched to water.

I kept watching the level in her glass, until finally there was maybe a quarter of her second drink left and I was impatient. "As soon as you finish your drink, I'll take you home," I said, and sluuuurp down the rest went.

I dropped cash on the bar (she tried to chip in and I laughed at her and told her to shut up) and led her out to her car. "I think I should drive," I told her, and slid into the driver's seat of her sleek, fancy car.

There was a such a thrill to it. All those little power plays. Knowing that she didn't know where I was taking her. The incredible trust of handing her keys to someone she'd just met. Being behind the wheel of a nice car with a pretty girl's hand on my leg.

I took her home. We kissed a little. I got lost in her tits for awhile, pulling her dress up and her bra down in that way that feels more exposed than being actually naked. Pinched and twisted her nipples until she was writhing and whimpering, until I could tell it was almost more than she could handle, then let her catch her breath and did some more.

I played with her clit, too, more roughly than I usually do. Usually I go for the soft gentle lovemaking, because so many girls eat that shit up. I kiss my way up their thighs, mouth softly between their legs, and eat them out all the way from butterfly to bulldog eating oatmeal.

Nah, this time I indulged my fantasies of just groping and touching and tugging, teasing her for how wet she was.

Then, after just a minute or two, I gestured at my crotch and told her it was time to do something about that.

God.

I struggle so hard to let partners get me off. To relax into actually taking as long as it takes. To not get in my head about being too much. I have a bad habit of getting impatient and reaching down to just finish myself off.

Not this time.

She'd told me ahead of time, multiple times, that she truly wanted me to use her. We'd talked out this exact scenario and she'd been enthusiastic and excited.

So I just. Seized the power trip with both hands and went for it.

The whole time I was crooning the filthiest things to her, in the smarmiest most condescending voice.

Like, See? this is what your mouth is for. Remember, I took you out and paid for our drinks. You know what you have to do now. Go on, suck. Harder!

At one point I pulled her off me by the hair, slapped her across the face, shoved her back down, and told her to do better. Then praised her all backhandedly and condescending, like, see, there you go, I knew you could get it, you're a smart girl when you put your mind to it.

Apparently I have an inexhaustible well of that kind of dirty talk in me, which is ... interesting.

Internally, I worried about whether it was too much or whether I was taking too long. But we got there, and it was glorious.

I did go down on her properly, then.

Afterward, I held her for a long time. Dressed us both again, to provide a tangible endpoint for the scene, a clear line between roleplay and debrief. Brought her water and chocolate. Got her talking about unsexy things until the mental functions pieced themselves back together.

Debriefed. She loved it all?? She adored the slap??? She reassured me that I can take as long as I want when I'm worried about taking too long.

She might have told me I'm the nicest guy she's ever met? or maybe it was the handsomest?

All I know is I've had a reasonable share of good sex, but as far as kink scenes go? That's the first one I've had that's .... really worked. Most fun I've ever had domming.

And the wild thing is, it felt so rough around the edges. I can already see how with practice we could refine the shit out of this dynamic. Find all the little knobs and switches and ratchet up the hotness to absurd levels.

We're already talking about all the things we want to try next.

Hot damn.

[buttonloops]

spent hours with her last night but it still feels so long until tuesday

can't wait to watch her suffer for me again

(god i'm SUCH a sadist)

[buttonloops]

she said it she said it she said it

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i want so many things i cannot say

it is okay to want

here in the privacy of my mind

it is not okay to say

not yet

i have walked this road before, flung myself headlong past caution signs slingshotted around curves ignored all speed limits

this time i will mosey along

this time i will admire the view

i will not rush

there is no map

there is no destination

there is only our journey

fueled by longing

[buttonloops]

nellie

she's so wonderful and i fuck her so good

[buttonloops]

i've never bought jewelry for a girl before

i am gone

[buttonloops]

that was

an incredibly hot hookup

yes, i'm gonna tell you all about it because I have an exhibitionist streak (this is not news) and also.

oh my god.

the sexcapade mojo is REAL, yo. this is my second first date in less than a week.

a girl on grindr invited me to her local trans discord* where i ran into ANOTHER girl who was talking about her struggles finding someone to explore her misogynistic kinky fantasies with

so i slid into her dms like >.>

and now we're meeting up to roleplay toxic heterosexuality for gender affirmation and perverted hotness

*this is the queerest sentence i have ever written

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look, yesterday this girl came over and brought me a gift????

I get really anxious about gifts but

but

it's a huge, soft, fuzzy blanket, the kind I've low-key wanted for ten goddamn years and never gotten around to getting for myself. (literally, I remember standing in Bed, Bath, and Beyond in July or August of 2014 debating whether to splurge on an actually nice fuzzy blanket ... and then getting the cheap good-enough-I-guess option.)

it's the same dark blue I always go for. it's big enough for two, and significantly cozier for cuddling than the wool blanket i have on my bed now.

this is an astonishingly perceptive gift for someone who's known me for a single solitary week

sexcapades: nre

i was up late SIX of the last eight nights and i am crashing so goddamn hard.

what a giddy week

looking forward to getting back to a normal day-to-day rhythm, one that's now broken apart and reformed around a new core strand

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the cuddles are the best part

always

when i've hit her until she doesn't think she can take another blow (and a few more for good measure), insulted her, humiliated her, and used her

then i hold her in my arms as she sobs. stroke her hair. kiss her forehead. let her fall apart completely and hand her the pieces one by one to build herself back together anew

holding a girl i love as she cries is possibly my favorite thing in the entire world

and nellie lets me make her cry, over and over, so i can hold her every time

counting the minutes

soon i will leave to snatch up nellie and whisk her away for a whirlwind evening of emotional and physical sadomasochism

(and afterwards, cuddles)