#neil would climb out of a window or a moving car without hesitation

[ashestoashes7]

I am so obsessed with Neil climbing out windows. First thinking about it at Wymack’s before deciding it’s too high, then actually doing it in Columbia. He is fully prepared to analyze all of the possible exits and I’m not sure the Foxes fully consider what that means.

I have no doubts he would climb out of a hospital window and give the Foxes a heart attack when they come to visit him and find an empty bed and he won’t answer their calls (let’s be real, that phone is definitely dead). Panic ensues while Neil is chilling back in the dorms and wondering why they haven’t come back. Meanwhile, they are very close to calling the FBI themselves to track him down until they remember it’s Neil

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Nine

Day: Saturday, January 20th Time: 11:00 AM EST

It was only a couple minutes from Fox Tower to the Foxhole Court, but it took almost fifteen minutes for Andrew to turn into the parking lot. He pulled into the space a couple inches from Neil's left foot and didn't bother to kill the engine. Kevin was in the passenger seat, frowning silent judgment at Neil through the windshield. Andrew got out of the car when Neil didn't move and stood in front of Neil. Neil looked up at him, studying Andrew's bored expression and waiting for questions he knew wouldn't come. That apathy should have grated against his raw nerves but somehow it steadied him. Andrew's disinterest in his psychological well-being was what had drawn Neil to him in the first place: the realization that Andrew would never flinch away from whatever poison was eating Neil alive. "I don't want to be here today," Neil said. "We were almost to the interstate," Andrew said. It was the most half-hearted invitation to come along that Neil had ever heard, but Neil didn't care. Andrew had turned around and come back for him without hesitation. That was more than enough reason to get up and go with him. Neil climbed in behind the passenger seat and stared out the window. Kevin glanced back at him but said nothing, and Andrew got them moving before his door had even slammed all the way closed.

Art used with permission by Ouijacine. Thank you @ouijacine!

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Four

{ My idea of the flowers, painting, and pearl necklace because I need visual things. sorry. if you don't want pictures just let me know}

Harry was wrapping the framed painting in bubble wrap when his phone started ringing. He grabbed it. frowning when he saw it was a facetime request from Louis. Which was weird for many reasons especially since it was currently 2 in the morning in Manchester. Harry hesitated but accepted it only to laugh when he saw Louis was completely drunk and squinting at the phone.

"Louis.. Louis no. You can't call your boyfriend drunk off your ass."

"Yes, I can. Leave me alone. I want to call him."

"Louis you will regret in the morning and besides you remember our rule. Friends don't let friends drunk call boyfriends. Or text. Or just handle a phone in general. So give it here."

"No." Harry quickly started recording his screen so he could send it to Louis tomorrow.

"Fine. I need to go find Niall and Zayn then we are leaving got it?"

"Got it, dad."

"Nialler!" Louis frowned at the screen and tapped at it.

"Call Hazzy. Call Hazzy. Siri... Siri.. call- Liam my phone isn't calling him!" Louis yelled over the sound of the music and people in the pub

"Louis do not climb on the table. No get down people are going to think you're a dancer with that ass of yours. No, don't shake it. Fucking christ Louis. How you've not been approached all night is beyond me with the way you do things."

The phone was on the table that Louis was currently standing on with a drink in his hand. He was shaking, what Harry now knew was a very round ass as a song played in the music. Harry put his phone against the stand so he could go back to bubble wrapping while also paying attention to a very cute drunk Louis. Eventually, Louis and the others were dragged to a car than inside a house. Louis had been telling the phone to call ''Hazzy'' for the past ten minutes.

"Go to sleep Louis." Liam said as pushed Louis onto the bed, Louis whined as he looked at his phone.

"Siri. Text Hazzy night night xxx. Kay? Bye." Harry covered his mouth as Louis fell asleep almost immediately

"Night night Louis." Harry said as he looked at the phone screen, studying Louis' features. He was cute and breathtaking even with his flushed face from alcohol and the cold wintery air. Harry ended the recording then the facetime shaking his head we he sent Louis the video.

Night Louis xx

Louis was able to not look at the video until he was soaking in the tub only a few hours later. He had woken up puking and he very much regretted taking Niall up on the drinking contest. He had known of course to never try and out drink an Irish, but he had already been drunk and he was stupid when he drank. He watched the video twice, once to see what he did as he didn’t remember anything and the second time to see Harry's reaction to everything.

They had never spoken about what they looked like, but for some reason, Louis was not at all surprised to see Harry with a curly bun resting on the top of his head as if he hadn't brushed it yet. Which no judgment from Louis, everyone has those days. He also wasn't surprised to see he had soft muscles like he was mo muscular, but not buff and not overly so, just enough to give a soft outline of his forearms. His jawline was perfect and he had a brilliant smile and his emotions portrayed in his eyes open as he glanced at the phone regularly.

Louis watched as he bubbled wrapped what Louis was assuming his next set of gifts there was already a long skinny box taped and closed that Louis thought Harry put a painting in. Louis also saw a scatter of fake flowers again on the ground around him. Louis knew Harry from somewhere, he just couldn't place it and it bothered him as he paused the video staring at Harry's face as he looked at the camera. Not able to think too much on it Louis moved on. He got out of the bath and headed back to bed to sleep some more.

***

The next few days were without texting because Harry was going from Sydney to Los Angeles, Sydney was almost a full day ahead of L.A, 17 hours to be exact so Harry took two days, after a 13-hour flight, to settle into the time zone differences. It also meant that Harry was now 8 hours behind London which means Louis now woke up first and went to sleep first, not the other way around. It took a few days to adjust to it, but they did adjust eventually. Louis only accidentally woke Harry up once.

Harry had sent the package of Chinese and Australian souvenirs before he had gotten on a flight. Louis had gotten a notification telling him he had packages delivered at the p.o boxes so after work he had headed there excitedly. He headed to the locker and pulled out the two 20x20x20 boxes then pulled out a 37x4x27 picture box. He put the items in his car and grabbed the note that was sticking out and Harry told him to look for.

Before going home head here if it's before 8pm.

There was an address written in the note so Louis typed it into his Maps and headed there parking upfront of a flower shop. He shook his head as he got out walking inside the.

"Hello, can I help you?"

"I don't know. My boyfriend-"

"You're Louis then. This way dear." Louis followed the woman to a back room where she grabbed a beautiful bouquet of flowers, "he told us to pick them for a long-distance partner. We made sure love was represented too much as he told us you guys wanted to wait to see each other in person. He did say you two were exclusive and committed so we made sure represent that. Faithfulness and admiration as well as honesty, trust, and longing." Louis blushed as he accepted the bouquet

"Thank you."

"Of course dear." Louis headed to his car and grabbed his phone texting Harry that the flowers were beautiful and that he'll send pictures when he got home. He had been debating whether to tell Harry his address so he could just send it to the house and as he struggled to only make one trip inside he decided he would do that.

"Need help?" Liam asked already grabbing the picture box and flowers, "how's the boyfriend? Spoiling you rotten still I see.

"Leave him alone. It's cute." Louis set the box on the coffee table then grabbed the picture box and sat that on top of it.

He then headed to where he had put the vase from Denmark at the end table in the hall that had a clutter of mail, keys, and other knick-knacks they didn’t bother to clear away. He filled the vase with water then carried it to the living room, he put his flowers inside the vase then carried it upstairs setting it on his bedside table. Louis adjusted a few things then took a picture of it sending it to Harry.

Hurrying downstairs he was anxious to see the picture, he had let it slip he liked Chinese paintings when Harry was sending pictures of an art gallery he was visiting. Louis hadn't thought of it, but now that he saw what could possibly be a painting he was a little worried that it may have come off wrongly. He didn’t want Harry to think he only wanted these gifts, not that he didn’t appreciate them and love them, but they weren't wanted.

"Open up the long box first." Niall said eagerly

"I was going to Neil." Louis grabbed the box and broke the tape pulling out a beautifully framed painting of pink flowers and black bark that make Louis smile as he thought it matched his real flowers upstairs. He set it off to the side then set the box off to the ground sp he could open a 20x20x20 box. Ripping the tape he laughed seeing Christmas wrapping paper wrapped around different items. There was a letter there and he unfolded it reading its contents,

Louis,

Do not open until Christmas except the one with the double bow. Open that one on the 24th. I'll be free on the 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th, 31st, and 1st. Make sure to have it set up as soon as you open it for skyping.

Harry xx.

Louis set the letter off to the side and grabbed the first gift with a green bow. He frowned though when he saw it was addressed to Niall.

"This is for you Niall. Harry says not to open it u too Christmas though."

"What? Really? Sweet." Louis handed him the rectangular package then pulled out another rectangular box with Niall's name. "Is he trying to win us over?" Niall asked

"He's just thoughtful like that." Louis said with a shrug as he pulled out two packages with a lighter green bow.

They had Zayn’s name on them so he handed them to him. Liam's two packages had a white bow on them and the rest had red bows. Louis set them under the tree carefully nothing the one package at the bottom had two bows, a red and green. The second box had a few packaged wrapped in birthday wrapping paper with a note telling him not to open them until his birthday. He set them under the tree as well for now then pulled out the Teddy bears for China and Australia.

The China souvenirs consisted of a few different teas for Louis with descriptions of what they tasted like to Harry without anything added to them. A few large paper cuttings with a note saying they are placed in windows in China and at night with a light on it looked " cool ". Louis chuckled as the simple explanation as he set them aside he did like them, the bright red was beautiful. He was already thinking of ways to decorate his room with a Chinese accent wall above his headboard. Next was a Chinese silk wall hanging that was a beautiful blue shade. Following that was some sweats, a few Chinese knots, a box of beautifully painted chopsticks, and then the last thing was a long rectangular box. The sticky note on it read,

I have a set too. I wear mine often, but you don't have to wear them I just wanted to get you a pair to have. Never know when you may need them.

Louis opened the box revealing a three chain set of pearls. Louis grinned and ran a gentle finger over them. He has seen a glimpse of Harry's pearl's over his shirt during their facetime. Louis still couldn't quite place where he knew Harry from and it's been bugging him.

Moving on for the Australian souvenirs the first thing was a lot of T2 Tea products which Louis was grateful for. He loved trying new teas and the fact Harry has bought at least one tea product from each country meant a lot to Louis and showed him that Harry paid attention. After the tea, it was some classic Vegemite with a note telling Louis it tasted like three days old Thai take out that had Louis laughing. There a side note saying no one was allowed to taste it without it being recorded.

Following the Vegemite was some food and snacks, an adorable koala ceramic mug, a 3D Ned Kelly mug that Zayn took and claimed as his own. Following those, there were some kid-friendly wooden puzzles, 21 kookaburras, koala, kangaroo, emu, and crocodile growing eggs for each child and staff member at the daycare center. 25 paint your own boomerang kits for the daycare and the lads that they were going to paint later that night as they share a bottle of whiskey together. Then the last few items were just small Australian animal bouncy balls for the daycare and of course some teas.

"He really likes those kids." Liam said as he examined the boomerang kit

"We both want a big family one day, that's something we have mentioned in passing and he knows I adore the kids at the daycare. He loves kids."

"You two have talked about kids?"

"Not like that, but yes it sort of came up while we were talking about the daycare." Louis shrugged as he put the kids’ things in the box to take it to the daycare after the holidays. Today had been the last day of work until the 2nd of January. He set that box aside then packed the rest of his stuff in the other box and headed up to his room to decorate.

[isitgintimeyet]

Letting Go

AO3

Previous

Happy Thursday! Thanks for reading and all your support, two more to go after this. Hope you enjoy!

Thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta

And @happytoobserve for the encouragement

Chapter 14: Hello Again

Hello, again, hello Just called to say hello I couldn't sleep at all tonight And I know it's late I couldn't wait

Neil Diamond, Alan Lindgren

A sense of déjà vu crept over Claire as she scrambled around on the office floor, searching through the piles of papers emptied from her filing cabinet. The one certificate -- her medical degree from Glasgow University -- that she needed for her job applications and she couldn’t find it. Although she now knew exactly where it must be… back in the safe in the loft… at Uncle Lamb’s house.

********

Jocasta opened the front door and welcomed Claire warmly into the house. She led the familiar way into the kitchen.

“Ye’ll have a brew afore ye go and find yer certificate, will ye no’? Murtagh will be in shortly. He’s just planting up some tubs fer the garden.”

Claire gazed out of the window and watched as Murtagh carefully placed a large terracotta pot, full of a riot of brightly coloured pansies, on the ground next to the swing. Instinctively, she gave a slight smile and turned to Jocasta.

“You know, when I came to live here after my parents died, that swing was the first thing that Uncle Lamb gave to me.”

“Ah, I ken it must hold many memories fer ye. Murtagh’s godson, Jamie, reckoned it must be important… tae leave it in the garden, even though it’s no’ been used fer years.” Jocasta glanced across at Claire, who was  again turned towards the window.

**********

Eight years ago

“Ye ken, at Lallybroch, I’ll build a swing fer our bairns. Weel, more than one swing. We dinna want them tae be fighting over it. Swings and a seesaw and a wee climbing frame… mebbe a treehouse. There’s an old tree…”

“Wow, Jamie, you have this all planned, don’t you?”

“Aye. Do ye no’ think about these things, about the future?”

“Well, yes, but more generally. I want us to be together, I want to be a qualified surgeon. More than that I hadn’t planned. Who knows what will happen?”

“I ken. We’ll be together at Lallybroch. I’ll always want ye with me.”

**********

Murtagh joined them at the kitchen table as Jocasta poured three mugs of tea and placed the biscuit tin on the table. Murtagh opened it, and after offering it to Claire, helped himself to a couple of chocolate digestives.

He sighed contentedly. “Ah, there’s nothing better in the afternoon than a cup of hot tea and a chocolate biscuit. And nowadays we seem tae have more biscuits in the tin than we used tae, Jocasta?”

“Aye, weel, that’ll be because Jamie’s no’ been here as much as he was. He’s a devil fer all the wee snacks. He can go through ma pantry like a swarm of locusts.”

“Ye’re not wrong. Jamie, he’s ma godson, ye ken,” Murtagh explained to Claire. “He’s been visiting with us a lot, up until fairly recently.”

Claire tried to focus on her mug of tea, desperate not to let any emotion show on her face.

Murtagh continued between mouthfuls of biscuit. “Aye, he was here regular a while back. And I kent there must have been a lass involved tae be driving from Lallybroch so much. But nae more, apparently.”

He paused, brushing a couple of stray biscuit crumbs from his beard and took a swig of tea. “He admitted it last time he was here, that there had been a lass he had his eye on, wanted it tae go further but it wasna any use. She was with someone else and now it’s too late.”

Claire tried to relax and keep her breathing steady. Jocasta watched her out of the corner of her eye.

“And…” Jocasta prompted. “Did Jamie no’ have anything more tae say about it?”

“Weel, here’s the thing. He kent her a long time ago, afore he went tae America. And now he’s back but she’s moving away with a new job. It’s a shame, it’s time he settled down. He needs a good woman...”

“Are ye ok, dear? Ye’ve gone awfa pale.” Jocasta laid a hand gently on Claire’s arm.

“Er, yes… I’ve just… it’s my blood sugar.”

“Aye, of course, that must be it. Have a biscuit, dear, and we can go and get that certificate.”

***********

With the certificate safely in her bag, Claire made her way into the kitchen to say goodbye. Jocasta was still in there, now busy peeling potatoes. Murtagh had returned to the garden to continue the planting.

“Thanks for this. Sorry I had to disturb you. So, goodbye.”

Jocasta wiped her hands on her bright floral apron. “Will ye no’ sit down a minute? I wonder if we could have a wee chat.”

Claire sat down at the table. “Oh, is there a problem with the house?”

“Och no, the house is fine. We love living here. It’s, weel, I hope ye dinna mind me asking, but ye said on the phone ye needed the certificate fer a job. Are ye moving away tae a new hospital?”

“Possibly… er… there may be opportunities elsewhere for me… nothing’s been decided yet… I’m just exploring… you know…” Claire’s voice tailed off as she looked down at her hands, unwilling to let Jocasta see the truth on her face.

“And ye’re no’ planning on leavin’ because of a man?”

Claire shook her head, fighting back tears.

“Claire dear, I’m sure this is none of ma business, but I canna help but ask… is it ye Jamie was talking about? Did ye know each other years ago?”

Claire thought for a moment before answering truthfully. “I did know Jamie before he went to America, but we sort of lost touch. What made you ask?”

“I dinna ken… I suppose it was a few things. The way Jamie reacted when I spoke about moving that swing, the way he somehow kent his way around this house without being shown, the shocked way ye reacted when I mentioned Jamie’s Da. But I’m guessing ye were more than friends?”

Jocasta walked over to the fridge and poured a glass of water. Sitting down, she pushed the glass in front of Claire. “Here ye go. Do ye ken how Jamie feels about ye? Is that why ye’re planning on moving?”

“I thought… I thought… when we met -- by chance -- he was so cold to me. We hadn’t parted on good terms eight years ago. He has become friendlier to me.” She blushed remembering their night together. “But I thought he was keen on our friend Anna and that’s why he wasn’t around so much now that Anna has a boyfriend.”

“Oh, Claire, I dinna think that's the reason at all. Now, if ye are sure ye want tae move away, or if ye have a new man, that’s fine. I only wanted to let ye know what I think… Did I do wrong?”

“No, Jocasta.” Claire now made no attempt to stop the tears from flowing. “You didn’t do wrong.”

************

Claire’s patience was beginning to wear thin. So far she had rung John’s mobile half a dozen times. Each time it had gone straight to voicemail. She had left three messages (John, it’s Claire, can you give me a call please… John, call me as soon as you get this… John, I need to talk to you urgently) and left similar messages on text, WhatsApp and Messenger. Finally she had bypassed technology and run downstairs to stick a handwritten message on his front door.

Claire knew that Jocasta would have willingly given her Jamie’s phone number, or that she could simply Google a phone number for the Lallybroch stables. But she wanted to know exactly what John had said to Jamie. Plus, she did not think that she wanted to talk to Jamie over the phone.

She wandered into the kitchen, randomly opening cupboards, not quite sure what she was looking for. Finally, she decided to occupy herself while waiting for John by baking scones from a recipe she knew by heart. Indeed, the recipe was one of the first Claire had used when trying to forget her broken heart eight years ago.

The scones were baking in the oven, their comforting smell filling the flat as she heard a knock at the door. Claire rushed to answer it, almost tripping over a pair of discarded shoes in her haste.

John stood in the doorway, his face etched with worry. “Claire, what’s the matter? I came as soon as I got your note. Did you ring me? I’m sorry, my phone needs charging.”

Claire led him into the living room, suddenly feeling slightly foolish and incredibly over dramatic. This wasn’t a matter of life and death. Or maybe it was… the final death of any lingering dream she may have, forcing her into a new life away from Glasgow.

She indicated for John to sit while she perched on the arm of a chair, too tense to relax.

“I didn’t mean to alarm you, John. It’s just something I need to know. Have you mentioned to anybody my plans to move away?”

“No, why? Has the hospital found out? Are they making it awkward for you? It wouldn’t have come from me. I haven’t told anybody… oh…” John stopped.

“Well, something did slip, but there’s no way it could have got back to the hospital. I was chatting to Jamie a couple of weeks ago, and he was joking about the English emigrating to Scotland and accidentally I may… actually I did… mention that there would be one less English immigrant in this city as, chances are, you are moving away for a new job. But that was it, I swear, I’m sorry. Somebody else must have said something to your bosses, it that’s what this is about.”

A kaleidoscope of butterflies started in Claire’s stomach at John’s confirmation that Jamie knew about her plans. “No, that’s fine,” she reassured John. “I know you haven’t told anyone at the hospital.”

Whilst this was the absolute truth, Claire decided not to elaborate on the real reason for her question and to let John think her issue was with the hospital.

John stood up. “If there’s nothing else, and you’re ok, I need to go. I’ve got loads of reading... work stuff to do.”

Claire pulled nervously at her lip with her fingers. “I would like to ask a favour… but you can say no if you want.” She hesitated before making the decision. “Could I borrow your car today, please? I’ll pay the extra insurance and fill up with petrol. There’s just something I need to do, somewhere I need to go. I’ll bring it back late tonight.”

“Hmm, a Friday evening assignation, hey? Sounds intriguing.”

“John, I promise I will tell you all about it tomorrow. So, what do you say?”

John sighed exaggeratedly and smiled. “You’re on, Claire. Call in on your way out for the keys. I’ll ring the insurance and make the arrangements.”

**********

Claire had set the sat-nav with the address for Lallybroch, but, in reality, that was unnecessary. The route up to the Highlands was as familiar as it ever had been. Some sort of muscle memory took over, her brain automatically recognising where to turn, where to brake, where to give way. This left her free to consider her actions.

Claire prided herself on never making rash decisions, always weighing up all options, and considering all outcomes before taking action. There had been one notable exception, of course, when all rational thought had been discarded as quickly and carelessly as her underwear.

But now, as she drove closer and closer to Lallybroch, she wondered what exactly she was doing. She hadn’t weighed up all options, considered all outcomes. What if Jocasta was wrong? What if it wasn’t her he had been avoiding? What if he wasn’t even at Lallybroch? Claire had been so intent on this grand, dramatic gesture, nothing else had been considered. There was no safety net.

Claire turned off the road and drove slowly along the drive. She passed the turning for the stables and offices and decided to go to the house first. Pulling into a parking space in front of the house, she was relieved to see Jamie’s sports car there. No other cars were around.

She clambered out of the mini and stood clutching her Tupperware box of scones, unsure where to go first. The house looked unchanged, the solid grey stone softened by the purple flowering wisteria climbing up the walls. Her feet crunched on the gravel as she moved closer, but... front door or back door… visitor or family?

She started for the front door as, from the side of the house, she heard footsteps. Suddenly, Jamie came round the corner. He didn’t see her at first, being occupied with his phone. He was not dressed for company -- his black jodhpurs and riding boots were splattered with mud, the pocket of his gilet was torn and his polo shirt was faded with age. Claire thought she had never seen him look so handsome.

Jamie looked up and saw her. There was a moment of silence.

Finally, Claire spoke. “Hello, Jamie.”

Jamie gave a small smile. “Hello.”

[wematch]

Only You

In their second year a deal is made. Andrew wants to explore his boundaries and there’s really just one person he trusts around himself.

Set in a universe where everything is the same except that Andrew never kissed Neil on the rooftop that night. Instead, they just got closer and more comfortable around each other.

Read from the start if you haven’t yet! [Part 1]

You can also read it on [AO3]

As always a huge thank you to @velvetnoodle for being an amazing beta <3<3

Part 6

Neil follows Andrew to their usual spot at the end of the bus and sits down in front of him. Kevin had tried to go over what everyone had done wrong during the game as soon as the engine started running but Wymack had told him to shut up. So now, the bus was quiet as everyone settled down to rest during the journey back.

Neil has his forehead resting against the window to watch the blurry landscape as they travel but he finds himself keep coming back to stare at Andrew instead. He keeps thinking about the game they just lost against the Trojans — they’re a fierce team and the Foxes gave it their best against them but tonight it just wasn’t enough. Maybe they’ll play again against them at the finals; if there’s a team Neil would like most to face in the finals, it’s the Trojans.

Halfway into the journey back, Andrew slowly opens his eyes to look at Neil. “Staring,” he comments.

Neil averts his eyes again and takes a deep breath. He can feel the exhaustion setting in after the game but he’s too uncomfortable to try to properly rest the way he is. A few minutes later, Andrew nudges him with his feet so Neil looks curiously at him. To anyone else, Andrew would seem to be only staring back but Neil sees the unspoken question in Andrew’s face about what’s going on in his head.

“I was thinking about the Trojans,” Neil tells him, “and that I want to meet them in the finals this year.” Andrew rolls his eyes at that and Neil can almost hear him in his head calling him a junkie. But then after a moment, Neil continues almost in a whisper, “Jean seemed well with the team.”

Andrew visibly tenses at the mention of Jean and doesn’t say anything about it. “Try to rest,” he tells him instead.

“I can’t; not like this,” Neil explains, understanding that talking about Jean brings back too many memories from last year. He didn’t manage to talk to Jean after the game but in reality, he wouldn’t even know what to say to him after everything they’ve been through. Neil’s just glad that he found a good team to stay with after the Ravens.

Neil looks at Andrew and studies him for a moment. He has a foot resting between Neil and the window, and the other lazily stretched on the floor, looking as comfortable as he can be on the bus. After a moment, Neil decides to stand and sit next to Andrew to stretch his legs on the bench he was previously sitting on.

He tries to find a comfortable position to be in but doesn’t quite manage. He feels annoyed at himself; two years ago he would’ve fallen asleep anywhere he wanted, but now after getting used to sleeping in a decent bed every day that doesn’t happen anymore. He keeps moving around to get a into better position until Andrew speaks again.

“Stop moving,” Andrew tells him with his eyes closed. “Either that or move away.”

Their legs are touching so Neil tries to stay still to let Andrew rest but after a few minutes, he can no longer manage to do it. He shifts slightly again to find a better position to relax.

“Neil,” Andrew says it like a warning and opens his eyes to stare at Neil.

Nei looks sideways at Andrew, and notices the comfortable hoodie that he has on and begins to wonder if Andrew would allow him to lean against him. “Andrew, yes or no?” Neil asks tentatively motioning with his hand towards Andrew’s shoulder.

Andrew turns to stare outside through the window for so long that Neil thinks he’s not going to get an answer. “It’s a yes, as long as you stay still,” Andrew quietly replies.

For a moment Neil doesn’t move, too surprised that Andrew had just agreed to it. He blinks three times before he slowly moves to rest his head on Andrew’s shoulder to try to close his eyes for a few minutes. However, it doesn’t take long for his neck to start to ache from being bent in a weird angle.

Andrew, sensing his discomfort, sighs and shifts to put his arm that was resting on his lap around Neil, pulling him closer to his chest in the process. The hoodie feels soft against Neil’s face and there’s a faint smell of smoke on it from the cigarette Andrew had before they climbed onto the bus. The warmth from Andrew’s body reaches him making his body relax. Neil closes his eyes and grins, feeling safe where he is.

“One hundred and twenty-eight,” Andrew says as he squeezes his side in a warning. Neil tries and fails to stop the grin on his face. “Going on one hundred and twenty-nine.”

***

An hour later, Wymack parks the bus in their parking lot and rushes everyone to get out. Neil quietly exits the bus followed by Andrew, and they make a beeline for the Maserati to make the short drive back to the Fox Tower.

As soon as they park the car in the dorms and exit the vehicle, Kevin storms away into the building without waiting for them and Neil watches Aaron stop in front of Andrew with Nicky trailing behind him. He notices how Nicky is looking at his feet so Neil decides to start walking inside to give them some space to talk as a family. However, he almost curses when he finds himself walking behind Mike and Renee. He doesn’t want to be included in their conversation, so he slows down his pace to create some distance between them.

He’s about to enter the building when he hears Nicky call his name so he looks to the side and sees Nicky jogging to catch up with him.

“Hey,” Nicky says once he stops in front of Neil, “Andrew is asking for you.”

Neil nods slightly confused and wonders what they said to Andrew that made him call Neil back instead of meeting back in their dorm room. He walks back to the end of the parking lot where Andrew always parks and passes Aaron on the way. They glance at each other but neither one says a word. When Neil reaches the Maserati, Andrew is already inside with the engine on.

Andrew spares him a glance when Neil pauses near his open window. “Get in the car," he tells him.

“What about the others?” Neil asks, feeling even more confused after he steps into the car. Neil thought they were all going to Columbia like every other weekend, except Kevin, who had already told them before the game that he wanted to stay with Wymack in order to spend some time with his father. When his question is ignored he insists, “What about Aaron and Nicky?”

“Aaron wants to stay," Andrew explains, “so Nicky is going to stay too. The upperclassmen already invited him to go out.”

Neil stays quiet until they enter the highway as he tries to process this. It was going to be just the two of them going to Columbia this weekend. He didn't mind the idea; between practices, and classes, and sharing the dorm with Kevin they could never spend a lot of time together. The few moments they had alone were mostly on the rooftop.

“Are we going to Eden’s?” Neil asks once they reach their highway exit.

“No, let’s just stay in the house tonight,” Andrew answers him. Neil hums in acknowledgment and glances at Andrew; he feels exhausted and the idea of just going back to the house and not to the packed club sounds pretty good.

Once they're at the house, Neil is about to go to the bathroom after Andrew to get ready for the night when he remembers that he never went upstairs to get his travel bag. “Andrew?”

Andrew sees him hesitating near the bathroom door and comes to stop near his side and glance into the bathroom. When he doesn't see anything wrong he simply stares at Neil, waiting for him to continue.

“Is just that I didn’t go upstairs to get my bag and— ”

“There are some spare toothbrushes in the cabinet,” Andrew tells him and starts to walk towards his bedroom.

Neil nods; he can always go to the mall tomorrow and get a fresh pair of clothes for the weekend. Nicky would be happy to see him in new clothes as he keeps complaining about his old ones, but Neil grimaces at the waste of money that would be. He has a few new clothes already that Allison made him buy; there’s no point in buying more. It’s not like he’s just going to throw away all his old ones; those are still good to go to the gym.

When he steps outside the bathroom, Andrew points to his left at the top of the couch where a small pile of clothes is sitting and doesn’t bother explaining it.

Neil grabs the clothes and glances at Andrew. “Thanks,” he tells him, Andrew doesn’t acknowledge it other than glancing in his direction and returning to look at the TV screen, so Neil returns to the bathroom to put on the clothes. Both the sweatpants and the sweater are black. The sweater feels comfortable and loose on him since Andrew has broader shoulders and the clothes look very similar to the ones Andrew has dressed just now. Once Neil’s done changing he sits on the couch right next to Andrew.

They begin to watch an old movie but Neil is not really focusing on it. He feels exhausted from the day so not even halfway through the movie he makes himself more comfortable on the couch to try to rest by sliding down on the cushions.

Andrew turns his head to the side to study Neil. After a few moments, his hand comes to rest on Neil’s neck, guiding Neil’s head to his lap. Neil gets the idea and follows along, stretching his legs on the couch. Then he feels Andrew’s hand resting on his hair, and one of his fingers starts to make slow patterns on Neil’s scalp, making his eyes feel heavy.

Neil closes his eyes feeling content where he is. He starts to wonder what it would like to sleep next to Andrew. He's expecting Andrew to get up to go to his bedroom at any moment but when it doesn't happen Neil eventually turns his head to look up and finds Andrew with his eyes barely open.

“Are you going to sleep here?” Neil asks quietly. They’ve slept near each other before but not this close, not when they were close enough to be touching.

“No,” Andrew says. “It's not a good idea, you know how I can wake up.”

“I know, and it doesn't matter.”

“Don't be stupid,” Andrew tells him.

“I'm not. All I'm saying is that I don't care.” When Andrew doesn't say anything else Neil continues, “If you lash out you'll stop as soon as you understand what's happening.”

Neil gives Andrew some time to think about it and when the hand in his head starts moving again, he presses on insistently,“ Yes or no?”

Andrew lets out a frustrated breath. “Yes, but not here. I'm not going to sleep on this damn couch,” Andrew finally tells him and removes his hand. “Now, move.”

Neil sits up on the couch and watches Andrew get up and start to walk in the direction of his bedroom. Neil blinks twice, wondering if he had heard right, that Andrew had just agreed to this. “Come on,” Andrew says to Neil once he opens the door and notices that Neil hasn’t moved from his spot on the couch.

When Neil enters the bedroom, Andrew is already on the bed with his back to the wall. “Are you going to just keep staring?” Andrew asks him when Neil doesn’t move from the door.

“No,” Neil answers, closing the door before walking to the bed. He climbs in and leaves as much space as he can between them. ”Tell me if you need me to leave, okay?”

“Yeah, or I can just push you off the bed,” Andrew points out. Neil rolls his eyes and watches curiously as Andrew moves closer to him, holding himself up with his arm. “Yes or no?” Andrew asks him, staring at his lips.

Neil licks his own lips subconsciously. “Yes,” he answers right away; he’s been waiting the whole damn day for this. They kiss until Neil feels his mouth sore and he’s too sleepy to move at all. And eventually, they fall asleep.

[Part 7]

[transgenderboobs]

Do you write kevineil? If you do 18 for Situation and 24 for the sentence!! Thank youuuuu

i Do write kevineil !! i’m still getting the hang of their characters b/c this is only the Second time i’ve written them but like. i’m trying my hardest and i love them ! :’>>

18 - Someone’s birthday + 24 - “I never want you to feel like you’re not good enough.”

On the morning of February 22nd, Neil awoke to a bleak morning. There was rain hammering the windows, and everything outside looked gray and cold and uninviting. It looked like the world itself was practically begging Neil to stay in bed, but practice would start in an hour and if Neil wanted to get any kind of run in he had to get up now.

Neil almost skipped his run entirely when he moved to get up and Kevin’s arms tightened around his middle, Kevin himself letting out a faint groan of dissatisfaction as Neil extricated himself and climbed down. Kevin didn’t wake entirely, but that was no surprise. He slept like the dead, and wouldn’t truly wake until the alarm for practice went off. 

Neil grabbed his clothes as quietly as he could and changed in the bathroom as not to disturb the others. He made his way out to the living room, pulled on his shoes and closed the suite door quietly behind him. He took a second to steel himself, and then took the stairs down to the ground floor and headed out into the rain. 

Even Neil couldn’t stay out in weather like this for too long; especially after all the rain almost made him slip and fall twice. After the second near-miss, Neil slowed down to a jog and turned back towards Fox Tower. By the time he made it back to the dorm, Nicky and Aaron had migrated over from their own dorm to catch a ride in Andrew’s car, and Andrew had the coffee maker brewing. Kevin should be up by now, too, but there was no sign of him in the living room. 

“Jesus, Neil,” Nicky said when he heard the front door close, “Please tell me you didn’t actually go running in this.”

“Where’s Kevin?” Was all Neil said to that, figuring his dripping hair would be answer enough for Nicky. 

Nicky sighed and shrugged. “Still asleep,” he said. “You know Kevin. A nuclear holocaust couldn’t even get his ass out of bed.”

Neil frowned. It was true, Kevin was impossible to wake, but Exy was usually the only thing that could get him up. “He’s going to miss practice,” Neil commented, trying to mask the faint prickle of unease in his gut.

Nicky shrugged. “Yeah, probably. He gets weird on his birthday.”

Neil blinked. He tried to remember if Kevin had been at practice on this date last year, but with all the mob drama and pressure to beat the Ravens and healing form Riko’s abuse the months of January through March were a complete blur to Neil now. “It’s Kevin’s birthday?”

“Yep,” Nicky confirmed, and then hopped to his feet when Andrew meandered over to his side with a full cup of coffee and a bored expression on his face. “He’ll be fine tomorrow if we give him some space,” Nicky assured Neil, putting a hand on his shoulder and turning him towards the door as he and Aaron followed Andrew out the door. 

Neil hesitated, half wanting to stick around, but if he needed space Neil could give him that, and he followed the cousins out the door and down to the car.

Neil’s thoughts kept drifting back to Kevin during his classes, and things didn’t improve when Kevin was absent from afternoon practice as well. Jack and Sheena constantly pushing his buttons during the entirety of practice didn’t help, either, and for once in life Neil couldn’t wait to get off the court.

Once Dan dismissed the team, Neil showered as quickly as he could and skipped the ride in favor of walking. He didn’t think he could stand being crammed into a crowded car right now; even if Kevin’s absence meant he’d be awarded the front seat. The rain had calmed down enough by now that Neil could make it back to the Tower without being soaked, so he jogged his way down Perimeter Road and back to the dorm.

Andrew’s car was already in the parking lot when he returned, but Neil found the suite empty when he got there. Neil figured Andrew was up smoking on the roof. Neil found Kevin wandering out of the bedroom, presumably after hearing the door open and shut. Kevin was still in his pajamas, which were really just sweats and an old T-shirt which was just a little too small for him. Normally Neil would’ve had a hard time tearing his eyes away from the little strip of skin between his shirt and his pants, but the dead look in Kevin’s eyes got his attention this time.

There was a moment, barely a fraction of a second, where they both just stood there, frozen in place, and then Neil crossed the room to stand in front of Kevin. It was pretty much an established fact that Neil was shit awful at the whole comfort thing, but whatever was eating at Kevin was obviously serious, and he had to at least try.

Luckily, Kevin seemed to know what he needed better than Neil did. Kevin had to bend down to do so thanks to their height difference, but he wrapped his arms around Neil’s waist and buried his face against Neil’s neck. Neil stood on his toes so Kevin would have to stoop less, putting his own arms around Kevin’s shoulders. Neil wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but he didn’t mind.

An hour or so later, and Neil was sitting with Kevin on the couch. Kevin was curled up on the cushions, his head in Neil’s lap while Neil ran his fingers through his hair. They hadn’t spoken since Neil got home from practice, but Kevin seemed to have relaxed from just having someone to lean on.

But Neil couldn’t just let the silence stretch on forever. He wasn’t exactly known for keeping his mouth shut. And he needed to know what had brought on Kevin’s breakdown today, so he could do what he could to prevent it in the future, or at the very least know better how to be there for him.

“Kevin,” Neil said, his hand going still in Kevin’s hair. “What is it about today?”

He didn’t need to be any more specific than that for Kevin to know what he meant. His  fingers tightened around Neil’s thigh, his nails digging into Neil’s jeans. He was quiet for long Neil was almost sure he’d have to give Kevin another little prod to get his answer, but finally Kevin sat up so he could look at Neil while he explained. 

Kevin’s jaw worked for a second, that haunted look returning to his eyes. “It’s idiotic and trivial,” Kevin said.

“Who cares?” Neil asked. “It’s a big enough deal to make you have a meltdown in the middle of the week. That hardly sounds idiotic and trivial.”

Kevin scowled, like he always did when he knew Neil was right. He glanced around the room like he was double-checking that they were the only ones there. “Think about it, Neil. Think about what day it is. Think about the fucking date.”

So Neil did think about it, and he was a little ashamed to admit how long it took him to figure it out. “February twenty-second,” he said. “Two-two-two.” Neil didn’t believe in fate or luck or anything like that, but he couldn’t help but think that if it was real it was truly unkind to Kevin Day, it seemed.

Kevin nodded, a grimace on his face. It looked as though it physical pained him to say what he said next. Maybe it did. “It feels like I was born to be second,” Kevin said, subconsciously lifting his hand to trace the tattoo on his cheek. “Like I’ll never step out of— his shadow.”

Neil had to fight back an unexpected spike of anger. Kevin didn’t need that right now. He sighed, willing his temper to back off at least for a little bit. It helped him to picture the broken look Riko had worn the moment before his brother had shot him. 

“Kevin,” Neil finally said, choosing his words carefully and taking Kevin’s left hand in his own. He rubbed his thumb along the pale scars. “He was never better than you and he never would’ve been, even if he was still alive,” Neil told him. “I never want you to feel like you’re not good enough.”

“I know,” Kevin mumbled, “It’s just hard to believe sometimes. Especially today.”

Neil nodded. He wished he had something better to offer Kevin, some way to ease his fears, but all he could come up with was, “Well. The day will over soon enough.”

The reaction he got from Kevin certainly wasn’t the one he’d been expecting. He actually managed what sounded like a snort of laughter. It was more dry than actually amused, but it was better than nothing. “What if it’s not any better tomorrow?” He asked.

Neil sighed, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Kevin’s lips. “Than we deal with that when or if we have to,” he suggested. “And I will be with you to make sure it doesn’t get this bad again.”

Before Neil could pull out of Kevin’s space entirely, he slipped his hand up to cup Neil’s cheek and leaned back in for another kiss. Neil wrapped his arms around Kevin and pulled him closer.

When they finally broke apart, Kevin rested his head on Neil’s shoulder and leaned into him, eyes closed. He let out a shaky breath against Neil’s neck. “Thank you,” he said.

“You have nothing to thank me for,” Neil told him, hiding his face in Kevin’s hair. He’d proved to himself last year that there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Kevin’s wellbeing. Kissing and being a shoulder for him was hardly Neil’s idea of an imposition. 

[toosicktoocare]

unfamiliar days, unfamiliar ways

I literally had a dream shortly after I watched the season 2 Camp Camp finale where I was plotting out this fic, and when I woke up, I decided to write it. (Spoilers for the season 2 finale.) (This is NOT a ship fic. This is a family-like fic.)

Summary:  4 Times David Hugs Max, and The 1 Time Max Hugs David

Word Count: 2098

1. Warmth

Regret settles like a heavy weight over David’s shoulders. He should have checked the weather beforehand. Had he checked, he wouldn’t have suggested a bonfire nor would he have sent Max out into the woods to gather sticks without knowing a dangerous thunderstorm was looming on the horizon. 

But, he didn’t, and a frightening storm had surprised the group as they were preparing the bonfire. David and Gwen had thought that they had rounded up all of the kids in their race toward the dining hall cabin, but once everyone was inside, David took quick note of a blaring absence among the campers. He had scanned studied eyes all across the cabin, but he didn’t spot that blue hoodie or wild black hair anywhere, and now he’s struggling against sharp winds and icy rain drops carried along a cold front that hit his bare legs like needles in order to find Max. His rain jacket is only doing so much for his upper half, but he shoves his discomfort to the far back of his mind because he has to find Max. Max is his priority. 

“Max!” He calls out, desperate for his voice to pierce through the roaring winds. He keeps one arm raised in a poor attempt to shield his eyes and continues forward. “Max! Where are you!?” He’s not expecting to hear an answer; he’s not expecting to hear anything over the raging storm, but he still tries, and he will keep trying until he finds Max. 

“Max!” His voice holds an air of desperation, a crack that signifies the worry gripping his heart. He’s not sure how long he’s been out searching for the young boy now, twenty minutes maybe, but he’s drenched through and freezing, so he can only imagine how Max must be feeling. “Max!” He tries again, and though faint, he hears a response, a fleeting voice carried along the wind. He comes to a stop, glancing around with squinting eyes. “Max!?” 

“David!” 

David whips his head to the left and starts toward the voice. “Max, I’m coming!” He moves forward, pushing against the wind as if pushing against a brick wall blocking his every step, but finally, he spots the young boy curled up beside a large tree. He breaks into a sprint the last remaining distant and drops to his knees in front of the small boy. 

“Max-”

“Only y-you would p-plan a fucking b-bonfire during a f-fucking storm.” 

David’s gaze flicks all across Max’s shivering frame, and he’s unzipping his rain jacket and pulling Max toward his warm, surprisingly dry chest. 

“David, w-what the fuck?” 

David bites back a wince at Max’s cold body, and he rubs large hands all across Max’s back to generate some sense of heat. “You’re freezing,” he explains, voice thick with worry. 

“N-no shit,” Max mutters out between chattering teeth, and David only tightens his arms around Max’s trembling frame for a few more moments before he pulls away from the hug and slips out of the rain jacket. 

He drapes it over Max’s shoulders before he scoops Max up into his arms and gets to his feet, pulling the hood of the rain jacket over Max’s head. 

“I can walk, David,” Max mumbles, yet his voice carries no heat with it. 

David only hugs Max closely to his chest as he starts back out into the storm. “Just focus on warming up,” he tells Max. “I’ll get us back.” 

To his surprise, Max doesn’t argue. The young boy just pushes close to David’s chest as if leeching what little warmth David can offer, but David doesn’t mind in the slightest. He sets his determined eyes forward despite the rain masking his vision and starts back toward the cabin. 

2. Fear

David’s not ever seen Max afraid; he’s always worked under the impression that Max is a fearless kid. So, when Max stalks away from a tree climbing trust exercise with a snide “fuck this,” comment, David shares a silent look with Gwen before going after the younger boy.  

He loses sight of Max only seconds into his chase and doesn’t spot the young boy again until ten minutes later at the river. A frown pulls at his lips as he approaches the young boy, who is sitting close to the water with his knees drawn to his chest and his face buried against his knees. 

“Fuck off, David,” Max mumbles, but David ignores this in favor of studying the slight tremors wracking the young boy’s frame. 

“What’s wrong, Max?” David asks, keeping his voice soft, gentle, as he moves to crouch in front of the boy. “Why did you run off?” 

“Because the exercise is fucking stupid.” 

David tilts his head slightly. “That’s never stopped you from staying to poke fun at the others.” He waits a moment before pressing further. “Max, really, what’s-”

“It’s fucking stupid, David!” Max shouts as he lifts his head to lock eyes with David’s. “The whole thing is fucking stupid, so I left! Why is that so hard to understand?” 

David’s always taken pride in his ability to read people, so he picks up on the trembling fear holding heavy behind Max’s sharp words. He can spot the bright color of hesitance coating Max’s eyes, and he breathes out a low sigh as he nods. 

“You’re afraid of heights, aren’t you?” 

Max holds David’s gaze for an endless moment before he snaps a defeated gaze toward the ground. “I don’t do the whole trust thing. But, heights suck, too.” 

Words seem not as helpful as actions to David, so he leans forward and pulls Max into hug instead. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Max struggles against David, pushing small hands against David’s chest, but David’s determination his unyielding. 

“I’m hugging you as a form of comfort, Max. It’s what people do.” 

“Not me,” Max spits out just as David pulls away. “I don’t fucking hug people.” 

A smile pulls at David’s lips as he notes that Max’s tone is clearer, and the younger boy’s eyes are brighter, less afraid. “Okay, Max,” he says, drawing out the name as he gets to his feet. “Whatever you say.” 

3. Happiness

It’s not often that David and Gwen team up with the campers in activities, but sometimes it’s necessary. Numbers are needed when David plans a new game, and as it turns out, he’s paired with Max when they draw numbers. Max is less than thrilled by this, but David’s enthusiasm masks any negative feelings Max holds toward the whole situation. 

David carries the game up until the final round, which, per Gwen’s request, is trivia. Neither Gwen nor David are allowed to offer answers since they were the two that came up with the questions, so when one of their cooks asks the questions, David is bouncing on the balls of his feet and shifting his darting gaze toward Max, only looking away when other teams shout out incorrect answers. 

He’s surprised Neil or Space Kid haven’t answered the question yet, but he’s not surprised at the bored expression on Max’s face, nor is he surprised that Max has yet to even attempt to answer. He figured this much going into the game with Max; he never expected the two would win because of Max’s unwillingness, but that doesn’t stop him from giving Max a gentle nudge. 

“Do you know the answer?” David asks, and Max shrugs. 

“I know it; I just don’t care.” 

David looks back to the other kids, trying hard to not let his face give away the realization that he believes Max, in fact, does not know the answer, but after another five minutes of incorrect shouting from the others, he’s proved wrong when Max calls out the correct answer followed by a muttered “Jesus Christ.” 

“And, team David & Max is the winner,��� the cook says, voice monotonous. 

David’s sucked into a warm, wide-spread feeling of victory, and before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s scooping Max up in the air and hugging the younger boy to his chest. 

“David, put me down.” Max mutters, voice flat, annoyed, and David sets Max down before shooting the younger boy a wide smile. 

“Wow, Max! You knew the answer!”

Max shakes his head and turns on his heel to stalk off back to his tent. “Because it was fucking obvious,” he calls out over his shoulder with a half wave of departure. 

David watches Max leave, wide smile still painted across his face. 

4. Relief

David taps his foot repeatedly as he watches every single car that drives by. He had never expected Max to actually leave the camp, so when he received a call from a bystander who picked Max up in the city, David’s heart sank to the floor, but he recovered enough to hop into his car and race to the city toward the place he and the man agreed to meet at. 

Now, he’s leaned against his car with his arms crossed and his face borderline unreadable, fitting considering he’s not sure how to feel. He feels almost numb and heavy, and the feeling extends even when an unfamiliar car pulls up beside him. He turns a slow gaze toward the car, but when the backdoor opens and Max steps out, he’s hit with a suffocating wave of relief that has him pounding toward the younger boy almost as if in a daze. 

He drops to his knees and pulls Max to his chest, and for once, Max doesn’t try to pull away. Instead, the younger boy just stands there with both hands to his sides as David crushes him in the embrace. 

When David finally pulls away, he keeps both hands clamped down onto Max’s shoulders as he scans frantic eyes all across Max’s small frame. “You’re okay?” He asks. “You’re not hurt?” 

Max is wordless as he nods, and David gets to his feet, offering the man still in his car a nod of thanks.

The man rolls his window down and arches a brow. “You need to keep better watch on your campers.” 

“I will,” David says back, voice suddenly very tired but still slightly light along a line of relief. “Thank you.” 

The man only drives off in response, and David and Max are quiet as they climb back into David’s car. The silence extends fifteen minutes into the drive before Max finally cuts through it with his small voice. 

“You’re not going to, like, fucking yell at me or something? Get mad? Anything?” 

David slides a slow gaze toward Max before flicking his eyes back to the road. “No. I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

And, he is. He realizes now the numbness was stemmed from an underlining fear that Max wasn’t okay. Sure, he’s mad, but his relief that the younger boy is safe overpowers every other emotion. 

Max only grunts in response and crosses small arms over his chest. “I was so close,” he mutters, but David chooses to ignore this. 

Instead, David keeps two eyes glued to the road as he focuses on bringing Max safely back to the camp. 

+1 

Happiness is an unsettling feeling that bolts against Max’s heart. It almost hurts, he thinks as he steps out of the diner with David and Gwen. It’s a foreign warmth that spreads across his chest, so hot that it burns. Yet, he wants to hold onto it; he wants to feel the pain for the sake of feeling. 

He watches Gwen leave toward the car before glancing up in thought. He should... No, he’s not sure what he should do. But, he feels that he should do something for David, the man who has given up so much for him. But, what? What does he do? What would David do? 

“David?” 

“Mmhmm?” 

Max looks away; he knows exactly what David would do, and well. Fuck it. He leans over and wraps his small arms around David’s legs for just a moment before pulling away, instantly becoming irritated at the smile that plays on David’s lips. 

“That never happened.” He snaps, pointing a warning finger up toward David. 

“Okay, Max,” David replies, voice soft and gentle and completely fake to Max’s ears. 

“Seriously! I will murder you if this gets back to the gang!” He fires out, waving his hands about in a physical show of his anger and frustration that contradicts the small smile playing on David’s lips. 

When Gwen pulls up and brings up how things are back at camp, Max pulls his attention toward the girl, keeping his face slightly interested while his heart beats warm in his chest. 

[whalehalothere]

Promises Broken and Promises Kept

Andrew's mouth was full with chocolate ice cream. He couldn't remember a time when he was allowed to have this much. He shoved another spoonful in his mouth while he listened to the stories his current foster dad, Michael, had to share. 

Michael was not the best person to foster a child, but he never hit him or touched him. His daily attire consisted of all black clothing, and typically preferred the name brand clothing.  He smoked often and drank on some nights. On the surface he appeared to be a harsh man, but Andrew had learned he was a total pushover.  

Michael gave him anything and everything he wanted without reservations. The reasons he gave for this behavior was that he wanted to give Andrew everything he hadn’t had as a child. Although Andrew had been with him for a few months now, he still wasn’t sure what to make of him since he didn’t fall under any of the normal behaviors he had witnessed in foster families.  

Andrew continued to listen to Michael’s story about a misunderstanding that got him kicked out of a bar due to some inexplicable mix up.  Usually, Andrew’s attention span to his foster family's stories was short, but Michael’s expressive telling of things had a way of drawing him in.  That, and he was much more interesting than other people.  He finished his ice cream and set the empty bowl on his bedside table in his room.  His  room. Michael had set him up with more than he had ever had.  A good bed and and nice furniture along with more clothes than he was usually given. Despite the fact that Michael hadn’t violated him once, he still locked his door every night, and reveled in the ability to lock his door.  

He pulled his knees to his chest and tried to stifle a yawn as it came, and Michael paused in his story and gave and knowing smile. “I see I have kept you up too late. It’s way past your bedtime” he said with a light chuckle.  Andrew smiled at that, both of them knowing that Andrew didn’t have a bedtime. Another plus of life with Michael.  As he got up to leave the room, Andrew finally asked the question that had been itching in his mind for months. “Why don’t you date?”

Michael stopped and turned around to give him a considering look.  He was an attractive bachelor in his 30′s, surely he would want to be with someone rather than look after a kid who hardly spoke. Michael answered, “When I picked you up, I promised you that I wouldn’t bring anyone else in the picture. That it was just going to be me and you.  I said that you would come first. Do you remember me saying that?”

Andrew did remember. But he hadn’t believed him.  No one ever meant what they said, and ‘promise’ was a meaningless phrase to him.  “But did you really mean it? There’s no way you did. No one ever does.” 

Again, Michael looked at him with hesitance in his eyes and thought for a moment.  His face was cast in a strange shadow as he answered, “People should mean what they say.” 

He waited for Andrew to comment, and when he said nothing, continued. “Listen Andrew, I want you to remember this.  When a man makes a promise, he keeps it.  A man doesn’t deserve trust when he goes back on his word.  When I promised you that I wouldn’t bring anyone else into this house, I meant it.  You are my only priority.  It’s fine if you don’t believe me, but I hope you will trust me someday.”

Andrew had never heard someone say words like this with such conviction.  He didn’t trust Michael, nor was he fully comfortable in his presence.  But he hadn’t even attempted to date or flirt, so Andrew supposed that he could accept his answer for now.  His must have looked disbelieving because Michael said, “I will never lie to you Andrew. I made two promises to you. That it was just going to be you and me, and that I would protect you.  I meant both of them. While you’re with me, you’re safe.”

At that, he turned to leave the room, bidding goodnight and went to his own bed, leaving Andrew to process what he had said.  He got up to close and lock his door and returned to his bed while trying to dispel memories of harsh hands on his body. Foster families rarely took his safety into account.  Michael had not violated him in any way since he arrived in his house, nor had he hit him or raised his voice even when he should have.  Michael let him get away with anything and didn’t seem to mind Andrew taking advantage of the lax rules.  He still didn’t trust him to not at some point cross lines, but he supposed that he was okay for now.

......

With the school week up, Andrew collected his things excited for their road trip, and in denial about his excitement. Michael owned a black Ferrari and Andrew loved every detail about the car. The feel of the leather seats underneath him, the steady purr of a powerful engine, the sleek interior that he was afraid to touch, and the acceleration that could take them from zero to sixty quicker than he thought possible.  When Michael took him on drives like this, they would go to unknown country roads and speed down them just to put the car’s capabilities to the test.  Andrew felt himself smiling and thinking that one day, he wanted a fancy car like this one. 

He turned to look at Michael when he smelled the familiar smell of cigarette smoke; the smell had been repulsive at first, but now it calmed him down.  Looking at Michael, clad in his leather jacket, sunglasses, and cigarette lightly hanging from his fingers, he couldn’t help but think that Michael was the coolest person he had ever met.  He got to do whatever he wanted, had plenty of money, and even treated people well. As a 10 year old, Andrew didn’t think of the future much, but with Michael, he actually considered what it would be like to have this guy support him as he grew up.  He found that he liked the idea.

......

Andrew was woken from his slumber by the bright red and blue lights flashing through his window into his room.  It only took him a moment to understand the significance of those lights and he was sprinting out to see what was going on. 

He found Michael being escorted by two officers out to the curb in cuffs.  He ran over to them, reaching out to grab at an officer when suddenly a social worker stepped in front of him.  She nabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the scene and began to explain to him that he needed to go pack his things and that it was time for him to move on to another foster home.  He heard none of it as he craned his neck to see what they were doing to Michael and called his name before they lowered his head into the flashing car.  

Michael turned around and gave him a small smile as he spoke to the officers. “Can I at least say goodbye to Andrew.  He deserves at least that much.” The police officers shared a look and then turned to the social worker, asking if that was acceptable. She spared a glance at Andrew and conceded.  

Michael was led over to Andrew, still in cuffs but smiling anyway.  When he was in front of him, he began speaking, “Andrew.  I am sorry I won’t be able to stay with you. Sometimes the pigs decide we are bad people and don’t deserve to be on the street.  But that’s okay because we had some really good times together, right?”

Andrew nodded his head.  Michael had been his favorite foster home. He continued, “This isn’t the end of anything okay. Someday, I will get out of prison and maybe we can meet again.” Sadness passed through his eyes as he looked intently at Andrew and spoke his final goodbyes. “Listen to me Andrew, I want you to remember what I say.  And I know you have a good memory. Sometimes our actions have consequences, but we shouldn’t waste our time with regret, it just holds us back.  And I want you to believe me when I say this. I promise you that someday, you are going to have everything.  And you won’t have to steal to get it.  You will have everything because you deserve it.  It will happen someday, it may take a while, but it will come.  I promise you”. When he finished, he motioned to the officers that he was done and Andrew found himself softly whispering ‘goodbye’ as he lost yet another foster family. Michael’s words spinning in his head, an impossible promise that he had no right to make. there was no way he could keep it. No way.

.......

Andrew woke to sunlight streaming through the windows of their house in Columbia, stirring from his dream of a memory.  Michael.  The man had an impenetrable optimism and a past that he would never know. 

His eyes followed the sun beams to where they rested on the red hair of the sleeping junkie next to him.  Neil usually woke first, so in a rare moment, Andrew allowed himself to study Neil in the sunlight.  His harsh scars marred his face, torso, and arms, but they had never made Andrew flinch. His sleeping face made him look gentle and quiet, though Andrew knew he was anything but.  He resisted the urge to run his hands through hair that felt like silk and smelled like strawberries.  The strange desire to see Neil’s eyes finally motivated him to get out of bed.  He climbed over Neil, waking him, and left their bedroom to go make breakfast. 

Neil came down shortly after, dressed for his morning run with shorts and running shoes on.  A persistent morning person.  Andrew spared a look at Neil’s toned legs and remembered how they had been wrapped around him the night before. The direction his thoughts went made him turn away and continue making breakfast.  

Neil left without much fuss and would return in an hour after running harder than any member of their team was capable of.  The junkie.  While he was gone, Andrew mulled over the dream he had had. Michael had made him a promise that he had no way of keeping, and had been entirely sincere.  He had promised him that he would have everything someday.  Andrew had never believed him. 

He plays Exy. He has a brother and a cousin. He was getting a college education.  He has an expensive car. He has house in Columbia that he shares with other people. All of these things are a huge step up in his life than where he used to be.  But he wasn’t sure if he considered these things to be ‘everything’ though.  

His mind considers a certain junkie whose disappearance caused him to break a promise.  He still remembers his hands around Kevin’s neck, all of his energy focused on choking out the truth. 

Neil is a broken shell of a human being with a body that has been put through the wringer one too many times.  Neil is a liar who still struggles in being honest at times. Neil is a runner whose first instinct is to plot out escape routes as soon as he enters anything.  Neil was once a rabbit, but now a fox.  

As Andrew considers Neil, he tells himself that Neil is nothing.  Neil has always been nothing. But maybe, just maybe...... Michael kept his promise. 

[ravenvsfox]

remember everyone’s favourite headcanon about neil coming back to life once upon a time and telling his unsuspecting friends about it on movie night?? I wrote that bitch!!!

The light from the TV seizes every time a scene leaps off a building or the action crashes into the protagonist. It’s exhausting to be in the same room as the flicker of it; the pulsing gunfire and longwinded monologues intercut with showy violence that’s all soft in the middle.

The combat is slow — it’s obvious the director wants you to follow the stunt double’s prowess with your eyes, to take the moment that someone goes sprawling and package it, understand it, delight in your own understanding. The urgency of the fight whimpers and dies. It’s a half-time waltz set to galloping music, stilted dialogue fed into it all like splinters.

It’s almost a comedy, this palatable brutality playing out in a room full of fighters.

A woman hooks her leg in the window of a moving car and slides inside, and Neil makes a tsk-ing noise. She grapples with a driver and wins impossibly. The scene shifts and becomes a greyscale basement; the villain orders his cronies about in German that can’t figure itself out. Neil nudges Andrew’s foot with his and Andrew nods without looking.

The screen hiccups, abruptly paused. “What is it Lassie?” Matt jokes, mouth twitching. “Something wrong?”

“No,” Neil says, sour. “Just wondering if his German coach spoke any German.”

“I thought it was cute,” Nicky says.

“You think he’s cute,” Allison corrects, reaching over Renee to steal a twizzler from the knot of opened snacks on the coffee table. She bites into it viciously when she says, “you’re into boys who can’t speak the same language as you. They’re easier to trick.”

“Wow,” Nicky says, bewildered. “The bitch is out today.”

Allison swipes primly at her lipstick. “Always is.”

“You got another horrifying factoid to share with the class, Josten?” Dan asks. “Something about the proper technique for jumping between cars maybe?”

“Yeah. Don’t lead with your legs. That’s a good way to get yourself ripped in half.”

“Un-pause,” Renee prods, and Matt laughs when he hits play. The movie skids around and tries to find its own plot again. Light flickers over Neil’s frown.

The protagonist shoots at a tank until it blows up, and Neil snorts, jostling Andrew’s side when he stands up. He watches Matt and Neil have a conversation in gestures, and Matt relents after a moment, letting Neil slip away without pausing anything.

He’s gone for a while. Doubtless somewhere in their bedroom or breathing secondhand smoke from his own hand or killing time cross-legged in the brightness of the kitchen.

It’s less bearable, trying to swallow the movie without Neil shaking with laughter against him every time someone lies or shoots the wrong way. Andrew feels uncomfortably like the only other person in his lifeboat had just been rescued without him.

Another explosion rocks their sound system, and Andrew flicks bored eyes back to the villain circling the lead in a helicopter. He’s still waiting for the plot twist to get over itself and make an appearance, or for Neil to do the same. It’s starting to chafe, being in the dark with the whole team, shifting and breathing and rustling plastic packages around him.

The protagonist gets suddenly skewered by the debris from the helicopter he just shot down, and the heroine tumbles down over the rubble, scrambling to hold his face in both hands. Dialogue devolves into blood-bubbling I love you’s and come back’s from there, and Andrew concentrates on zoning out.

“He’s not actually dead,” Nicky says incredulously, mouth full of popcorn. Dan shushes him. “He’s too pretty to be impaled to death.”

“I bet you want him to impale you to death,” Matt says slyly, pleased with himself, and Renee frowns at him.

“Ay, he’s back!” Nicky says, popping another handful as the protagonist gasps back to life, face wet with tears or sweat or rain. “What’d I tell you?”

“You’re ruining this movie,” Aaron says flatly.

“Do you think he went to heaven for those five minutes?” Nicky continues, ignoring his cousin. “Like I get that he’s a mass murderer, but it was all ‘greater good’ stuff. Like charity work.”

“I don’t think God had time to decide,” Renee says softly.

“Like he was hanging out in limbo?” Dan asks, playing along. Renee shrugs generously.

“I’d love to die for like ten minutes, make a scene, have Erik weep over my broken body. Then high five God on my way back to life.”

“Nothing happens when you die, Nicky,” Neil says matter-of-factly from the doorway. He smells like Andrew’s cigarettes when he climbs back onto the couch, legs tucked underneath him. He reaches for a handful of popcorn.

“You can’t know that for sure,” Renee says, frowning a little. Her beliefs never show on her face so much as when she’s trying to fight back without fighting.

Andrew can feel his heart wind up and get ready to throw something, though he’s not completely sure why until Neil says, “I died once.” He shrugs. “God looked a whole lot like an endless abyss.”

Renee reaches over and pauses the TV. Matt looks anxiously at Dan, who can’t seem to look away from Neil or close her mouth.

“You’re not serious,” she says lowly. Neil looks up from his handful, startled by the mood shift.

“Wouldn’t be a very good joke, would it,” Allison says, blatantly overcompensating. Her hand is making dents in her plastic cup.

“You died?” Kevin says. “You didn’t think to mention that?”

“I didn’t mention a lot of things,” Neil says narrowly. “Just like you didn’t mention a lot of things. You really want to play that game?”

“Neil,” Matt interrupts. “I know you think this is one of those things you can say and then we hit play and move on, but it’s really not.”

“Who did it?” Andrew’s mouth asks. In his head he’s already flipping backwards through the filing cabinet of stories Neil has pressed into his hands and said into his neck and written down and handed to him because his voice gave out. Everyone looks at Andrew, then Neil.

“My father,” Neil says stiffly. Andrew can see Dan close her eyes and keep them closed.

“When?” Andrew demands. He doesn’t know why these particular questions matter so much, if they matter. The taste of ‘I died once’ is making everything that comes out of his mouth bitter and dull.

“I was nine.” His eyes are on Andrew, fixed and screwed in. His brow is twisted, and Andrew knows that this is a story he hadn’t intended to be sharing until he already was. “I let someone give me a ride home. He insisted, I don’t know. I wasn’t good at saying no yet.”

Andrew blinks. Some part of him wants to heave, and his muscles strain against the impulse.

“You don’t have to tell us,” Renee says. She looks troubled. Almost everything has happened to her at least once, but not this.

“Tell me,” Andrew says, lets the anger curl his mouth into something demanding, knowing it won’t do any good.

Neil’s face flickers, a flame buffeted by wind. “He dropped me home, and when no one came to the door he walked around back. He didn’t see anything but— it was. Close. It was very close. My father was slitting someone’s throat in the basement at the same time that this guy was lurking around our fence.”

“Jesus, Neil,” Nicky says, reaching for Neil’s shoulder. Andrew catches his wrist before he can make contact. Neil shrugs again.

“He heard the knocking, finally, and came upstairs. He let the guy live. I still don’t know why.” He pops one kernel of popcorn into his mouth. “He held me down in the bathtub until I blacked out. Or — died, I guess. Surprisingly merciful killing, for him.” Another kernel, thoughtful. “Business, not pleasure.”

“What happened?” Dan asks thickly. “Your mom…?”

Neil nods. “As soon as he was gone, she dragged me out of the tub and did CPR, I guess. I didn’t have a pulse for— minutes. I don’t know. She said I turned blue.”

“No shit,” Matt says, running a hand through his hair, displacing the spikes so they look as sad as he does.

“He was pissed that she’d done it, though. He beat us both. I remember the bath flowing over, and the water going red—“ he seems to come back to himself, catching Andrew’s eye and frowning at what he finds. “It was ten years ago Drew,” he says quietly.

“I would kill him again.”

Neil’s jaw works, and he flushes, overwhelmed. “I know,” he says finally. “So would I.”

The silence stretches, then breaks uselessly to pieces like wet paper. Everyone stopped pretending they were going to watch the rest of the movie five minutes ago.

“And you…” Nicky swallows. “You didn’t see anything? In those minutes?”

Neil looks at him consideringly. “No. I was gone and then I was back.”

Andrew can see that ‘back’ most clearly, the way Neil’s mouth pops open around the word, trying to let it go. He remembers the way living feels so much more deadly than dying.

Renee’s face is a chess game; she’s trying to strategize her way out of the other team’s looming checkmate. She doesn’t trust Neil’s story, or she doesn’t trust herself, or she trusts both and her religion is tugging her sleeve until she answers it.

“I’m sorry,” someone says.

Neil shrugs, tosses popcorn into his open mouth, looks at the ceiling. “I’m here. There are worse things.”

“Than death?” Kevin says incredulously.

“Yes,” Neil says without hesitation.

“I think,” Matt says hesitatingly, “I think maybe we should go.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Neil says, at the same time that Andrew says, “yes.”

“I didn’t die today. Don’t stop on my account.”

Matt glances around the room, eyes catching on the screen — still paused on the tear-streaked heroine with her arms strung like lace around the hero’s neck. “I think I might need a breather. Your childhood kind of… makes me believe in real evil, so, like. I’ve gotta deal with that.”

“Sort of undermined my belief in God, too,” Nicky pipes up, and Aaron snorts.

“You only ever believe in Him when it suits you, anyway.”

“Yeah well I don’t believe in Him right now,” Nicky snaps, surprisingly fierce. Neil looks surprised at the way he has anything to do with his friends’ beliefs or moods. He still doesn’t quite understand that he influences people with his honesty just as much as he did with lies.

“Matt’s right, I think. We’d better go,” Renee says. Andrew can tell that her religion is unscathed, ultimately. It’s always been more powerful than her fear.

The movie’s shut off, snacks scooped into the bags they were purchased in, and the upperclassmen trudge from their room with their shoulders bowed, apologies bouncing straight off of Neil. Aaron and Nicky follow the crowd, and the dorm trickles down to three again.

Kevin stands awkwardly, looking utterly unlike a professional athlete with his hands folded in front of him and his expression curdled and un-charming. He looks like he wants to say something, but he leaves abruptly for their room instead. He looks profoundly sad for the second before he turns to go.

“Tell me,” Andrew prompts as soon as they’re alone, and Neil sinks down further into the couch.

“Death scares me more than it used to,” he admits. Andrew watches the little rueful set of his mouth, the way he’s holding his own arms to his chest. “I remember my lungs going rubbery and my vision cutting out and I felt— I was more scared that he wouldn’t finish the job. Or that he’d find a way to do it wrong. But if it happened now… I don’t know. I don’t want to leave you.”

Andrew looks at the wall, breathing hard through his nose. He wants to tell Neil that he’s been waiting for him to leave him alone, that death is easy, that nothing— not even the mornings where they wake at precisely the same time and grope their way back to life together— means anything at all. “Then don’t.”

“Andrew,” Neil says. “I don’t want to be the one that derails everyone’s lives because I couldn’t keep my past in the past.”

“Then don’t,” Andrew repeats. “You don’t owe them any truths.”

“I owe them everything,” Neil tells him quietly. “The truth is the least of it.”

“Then get over it.”

“Get over it,” Neil repeats.

“They asked,” Andrew says slowly. “You answered. All they lost was the last ten minutes of a movie with a 34% approval rating and poorly performed German.”

Neil huffs, almost a laugh. He leans in haltingly to kiss Andrew on the mouth, off-centre, barely there. He holds onto his hair when he pulls back, heavy-lidded.

“Neil,” Andrew says against his lips. He traces the slender scar from Neil’s cheekbone to the corner of his mouth. “Were you ever that close again?”

Neil’s brow furrows, close enough that the feeling of it registers on Andrew’s forehead. “To death? No, not— no.”

“Don’t be,” he says as clearly as he can, weakness thinning his mouth.

“Okay,” Neil whispers. “Yeah. Okay.”