#neighborly humor

[casualfoxwitch]

[rottingcorps3s]

older man!neighbor!price

aaaayyyoo??? my little thing i posted last night kinda popped off. here’s another one before i fall off again (10 whole reblogs?? you guys are so cute).

price is sliiiightly older in this. think like mid to late 40’s. older man, next door neighbor. i envision this in a timeline where he retired early. this is very house-wife, american pie dream kinda deal. what can i say (hawk screech). OBVIOUSLY, some puss eating. what’s the reverse of a munch? not the one who eats, but the one who is eaten? cause that’s me. there’s a decent amount of set up for this one, but its not too long.

Part 2

-

neighbor!price is the kind of person you see that makes you pick up your phone and call your friends to tell them about the ‘hot ass dilf’ that you just saw leave the house next to yours. you had been in and out of the house all day, cleaning and moving in the smaller pieces of furniture into the previously vacant home.

the sun was just setting when you decided to stop, your clothes slightly damp from the thin coat of sweat that covered your body. you had taken the chance to finally sit down for the first time today, your body giving in as you plopped down onto the wooden steps that lead up to the porch.

you saw a car in the distance slowly approaching, it didn’t catch your attention again until it turned into the driveway adjacent to your home. a few seconds after it parked, an older man stepped out.

“well helllloooo neighbor…” you mumbled to yourself, smirking before deciding to stand up and greet him. just a new neighbor doing their neighborly duties of introducing themselves °_°

he hadn’t been paying attention until he saw your shadow being casted on the ground next to him. he turned his head to look at you.

his eyes locked with yours, boring into your skull the longer you looked at him. his face was covered in blonde and white hair, his beard kept fairly short. he was built too, his biceps practically being the size of your head, his t-shirt leaving little to the imagination.

it had felt like minutes since you approached him, staring into his eyes as he waited for you to say something.

“he-i just moved-next door-neighbor!!” you struggled to get out, your mouth suddenly becoming dry now that you are face-to-face. he gave you a tight lipped smile, nodding his head once before extending his hand out.

“john.” he said simply, “i live next door.” he smirked, his tone dry, but kinda humorous? or maybe he was just making fun of your struggle to introduce yourself. (YEEESSSSS MAKE FUN OF ME MAKE ME FEEL INFERIOR….srry, need to control myself).

you said your goodbyes and didn’t even get through the front door before you were calling your friend.

-

the next few days were exhausting. the movers had finally shown up and you were finally able to sleep in your bed once again. your home was still filled with boxes upon boxes upon boxes but you were determined to finally take a night to relax.

god must’ve had the devil on speed dial that night, because NOTHING went right. what was supposed to be a quiet night in bed with a glass of wine, quickly turned into a disaster when you went to take a shower. you had opted for a bath the last few nights, enjoying the warmth on your achy muscles from unpacking.

you pulled the tab that would usually start the shower head; you didn’t even have time to process what happened before you were drenched in water. you let out a panicked scream, trying to backtrack and shut off the water. the shower head had come clean off and was now spraying water over the entire room.

you were frozen in place, unsure of what to do or who even to call. your body was moving faster than your brain, you were already out the front door and knocking on your neighbors door in a frenzy.

he was old…er. he looked like a dad! he definitely would know what to do!

price was puzzled by the scene in front of him when he opened the door. you were soaked beyond belief, your hair sticking to your forehead, your eyes wide like you were a deer in headlights.

“can you please help me!” you begged, your voice so soft and sweet, your lips pouting out every so slightly. “my-my fucking shower exploded, or something!”

he agreed, following behind you with a small tool bag in his hand. you left a trail of water behind you, your bare feet hitting the concrete of the sidewalk as you walked quickly back to your home. john would never admit it, but he was staring. the shirt you wore was soaked and clung tightly to your body. outlining your figure.

john was able to rectify the situation rather quickly, even teaching you a few things about homeownership whilst he did. he was able to find the water shut off valve in your basement, stopping the water from spraying and almost flooding your bathroom. he also reattached the shower head, making sure it would actually stay out this time.

you thanked him profusely, over and over and over again all the way back to his front door where you followed him. you said your goodbyes, not without saying thank you one more time.

but it just wasn’t enough. that man, your neighbor, a stranger, john. was considerate enough to go out of his way to help you. you had to make it up to him! so you did…

by baking!! obviously!! :)

chocolate chip cookies, of course. everyone likes a good cookie!

once they were done and cooked you wrapped them up in plastic wrap, a small note attached to the top.

a thank you note.

you dropped them off on his doorstep the next morning, leaving them there for him to find.

-

the next few months were pretty consistent. thankfully, no more shower head explosions. you had a few problems here and there, but nothing you couldn’t fix!!…or that john could fix for you…

you paid him in baked goods and hot meals. even going out of your way to find out his favorites. he didn’t mind, he enjoyed it, maybe a little too much.

you had been out of town for a few days, taking an extra long weekend to go out and have fun. john agreed he would keep an eye on your house while you were gone. making sure nothing or nobody messed with it.

he would’ve done it even if you didn’t ask him

when you returned home you made it a priority to make dinner for both yourself and john that night. a quick and yummy thank you.

you packed the food in a small container, sticking a little note to the top just explaining what you made and what was in it. you might’ve drawn a little heart or two on it as well, but i’ll never tell.

you were in a pale yellow sun dress, the bottom of the dress juuuuusst barely covering the top half of your thighs. you knocked on john’s door, box of food in hand with a smile on your face. the door swung open, but it wasn’t john.

it was another man. a black man with sharp features and short hair. “is john home, by chance?” you asked.

the man in front of you smiled widely, a sort of mischievous smile. a ‘i know something you don’t knooooow’.

he wasn’t given a chance to respond before the man was pulled back by his shoulder and john appeared in front of him. john was quick to shut the door, gently coaxing you to walk half way down the path in front of his house, away from the door. he had a look on his face, he seemed annoyed, not at you, but at the situation.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t know you had company.” you smiled apologetically, “i just wanted to say thank you.” you said, holding up the container of warm food.

john gave a tight lipped smile back, graciously accepting the food.

“don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, “thank you.”

you went on your merry way, scampering your way back up your steps and into your house. not without a quick wave before the door slammed shut.

john held his head in his hands, letting out a deep breath before turning to head back inside. he could see 3 separate breaks in the blinds from where 3 people were peeking through. the second he noticed it, they were gone. blinds completely back to normal.

he walked back inside, preparing for the comments that would be made by his guests.

“she’s prettier than you described, cap.” said a smug Gaz, Johnny nodding frantically in agreement.

“Might have to snatch her up myself, old man.” Johnny joked. his joke being met with a harsh slap to the back of his head from Ghost.

-

it had been a few days since you had seen john. you were used to having at least one daily encounter with him, but now he seemed like he was avoiding you. you didn’t stress about it too much, just assumed he was busy with…whatever he did in his free time.

you were half a bottle of wine down when you heard a knock on the door. you weren’t expecting any visitors so you had decided to drink a little more than you usually would.

you swung the door open, all precautions to the wind as you didn’t even check who it was.

it was john.

“oh-john,” you smiled sweetly, his name sounded like the texture of honey when you spoke it. he liked it. he liked it a lot.

“can i come in?” he asked bluntly. he didn’t really wait for you to answer, pushing his way in and standing next to you.

so close to you.

“is something wrong?” you asked, a worried expression on your face. your brows furrowed in slight frustration. concern.

he was quiet, his breathing shaky as he thought of what to say. he had no idea of how to beat around the bush, how to say what he wanted to say without it being too forward. but what’s wrong with a little honesty?

“i want you so badly.” he said in a quiet, deep voice. his eyes looking directly into yours, holding eye contact.

you weren’t sure if you heard him right at first, thinking that your mind was playing tricks on you. making you think he said something else but there’s no way he said that…right?

“r-right now?” you asked.

he was surprised by your question, not at all expecting that kind of response.

he nodded.

all it took was a small nod back at him before he jumped your bones. his hands were hot and heavy as they touched and saw new areas of skin. your shirt was bunched up by your collarbones before you knew it, his tongue quickly finding place on your nipples.

gaaaawwwddd, he’d play with them forever if he could. making sure to keep them taut and wet for the rest of eternity. leaving sloppy wet kisses and small bite marks behind.

you had made it to the couch at some point, time was a blur for the moment. your only focus on the way his hands ravished your body.

he would periodically make eye contact with you before doing certain things. making sure that it’s what you wanted and that you were enjoying it. he had started to shimmy your panties down before looking at you again even tho he did just moments ago. you nodded enthusiastically, desperately wanting him to touch you.

he knew once they were off that he wouldn’t be able to control himself. he was on his kees; he had set you on one of the arms on the couch, one leg hanging loosely over his shoulder already while he held the other one in place.

yes his knees were screaming at him for acting like he had the same body he did in his 20’s. no he didn’t really care how much it’ll hurt later.

the second your underwear was off your leg, he was going for it. he used his thumbs to spread you open slightly, admiring it before licking a looooooong, slow stripe up the middle, ending on your clit.

he’d be such a fucking tease. going all in and bringing you right to the top of your peak before pulling away or slowing down. you’d protest, desperation dripping from your words.

he’d get you to a point where all you could say was “please please please please”. he’d finally decide to cave, not stopping this time. it was almost too much for you to handle, your legs trembling and shaking.

he wouldn’t stop after either. you’d pull at his hair, letting out a cry as you tried to pry him off. but you were just sooooo weak from the last one :,( after the 4th or 5th, maybe 6th? you had lost count. he would finally let you go. making sure to give your pussy a small smack, enjoying the small squeal you let out a little too much.

and he’d make sure to fuck you silly too. turning you so that you would hang over the arm of the couch. he had to completely support you weight, which was fine with him. he’d ask for permission before even pulling his dick out; he’d use your own wetness as lube to stroke himself a few times before pushing in.

god he was sooo big, much bigger than any guy your own age.

he would 100000% talk you through your orgasms. you can’t remember a single thing he said, but you remember it being amazing.

once you were both done, he would take care of you. no doubt about it. he’d carry you to bed, bring you water, dress you in a new pair of pajamas and as long as you invited him, he would cuddle up next to you and hold you.

HUGE into pillow talk. would just talk about anything and would listen to whatever you said. nodding along with you.

the next time you cooked for him, it was extra delicious. and he’d be sure to tell you that when returning the container the next morning.

but not without updating you in his new favorite meal.

you.

-

SOMEBODY SEDATE ME. oh my fucking gaaaawwedddd

[moonlightspencie]

Meet-Cute

Description: It's all in the title, isn't it?

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x gn!Reader

Warnings: none :)

Word Count: 1k

On a Saturday morning after a night of drinking, the last thing you personally cared for was to be awoken by the loudest noise on earth. Some terrible creaking sound, mixed with thuds that seemed to resound in your apartment every thirty seconds had you practically developing a stress-induced twitch as you laid in bed.

To put it nicely: you were at the end of your rope.

You begrudgingly got out of bed, roughly washed your face, angrily brushed your teeth, and stomped to your door. You may not usually be prone to dramatics, but you felt it necessary for your well-being this time. You opened your door, about to confront your terribly noisy neighbor, when you realized that it was someone moving in.

You wanted to be angry. You really did. But…

“Hello,” said a man who you could only describe as genuinely tall, dark, and handsome. He also looked a little surprised.

You wiped the scowl off your face. “Hi.”

He looked around, as if the answer for you standing in your doorway in pajamas, looking quite annoyed, would appear out of thin air. It didn’t. You realized as much about thirty seconds later as you finally started speaking.

“Sorry. Are you moving in?”

"Oh! Yeah," he breathed out a small laugh. God he was handsome. "I apologize for the noise.”

You shake your head. “No! No, that’s okay. Just… curious.”

He smiled a little and you tried not to melt on the spot. He reached his hand out in greeting.

“I’m Aaron.”

You shook his hand, trying not to stare at him as you gave him your name.

“Nice to meet you,” you said softly.

“You, too. Uh… I’m just gonna…” he trailed off, nodding at the box under his arm.

“Of course!” you nod quickly. “Right. Um… I’ll see you around, Aaron.”

You went back to your apartment, shutting the door behind you with a little grin. So much for staying determined to be grumpy and less than pleasant today.

It was, unfortunately, two weeks later before you saw him again. This time as you were checking your mailbox in the lobby. As you heard someone clear their throat, you muttered a small apology, stepping out of the way as you looked through the letters in your hand.

“Um… hi,” he offered as a greeting that made you jump a little bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to... Just wanted to say hello."

You looked up at the voice that was irritatingly smooth, finding yourself getting a bit warm in the cheeks when you noticed him giving you almost a shy smile. You turned towards him more to give him your full attention.

"Oh, gosh. Uh, sorry," you chuckled softly, returning his smile. "Guess I'm not very good at being neighborly, am I?"

"You're doing just fine. I'm sure it might be a little... maybe off-putting to have a strange man approach you in the lobby, now that I think of it."

You shook your head. “It’s not that at all. I’m just… not used to people approaching me here at all.”

“Not exactly social?”

“More like nobody else here is. I don’t mind a little company,” you replied, a little more flirty than you were intending. 

Clearly he didn’t mind.

“Good to know,” he nodded once with a growing smirk.

“Uh…” you clammed up a tiny bit. “So… Um, are you, like, new around here?”

“Only to this building. I’ve been in D.C. for too many years to count,” his smirk melted into a softer smile. “Just needed someplace new, I guess. My old apartment… I just needed a change of scenery.”

“Yeah. Yeah, no, I’ve been there,” you nodded softly. “How are you liking it so far?”

“It’s great. My son loves it here.”

Your brows raised a little. “You have a son?”

“I’m shocked you didn’t file a complaint last night with the tantrum he threw,” he chuckled a tiny bit. 

“I was out last night, so no worries here.”

“Oh? With friends, or…?”

You couldn’t help but smile a little more. “Yeah. Just a couple of girlfriends.”

“That sounds fun.”

“Maybe too much fun.”

“You get up to a lot with them?” he asked casually, though not without humor, crossing his arms over his chest.

You smiled. “Only on occasion. I don’t think I could really handle the way they go out practically every single night. I only agree to go out like that with them once a month.”

“Now you’re sounding a little too much like me for someone so young and pretty.”

You find your cheeks warm at that, though you try not to react outwardly. You could tell that he knew just how much he had affected you, though. If you didn’t know any better, you might guess he was a mindreader. 

“I think you make yourself out to be too boring for someone so friendly and handsome.”

He laughed a little at that. Then a comfortable silence falls over the both of you for a moment. Maybe two moments. Eventually, you shift your weight, and look back up at him again. He really is horribly handsome. A guy shouldn’t be able to look like that, and… God, he smelled good, too. You shuffled the mail in your hands a little bit before speaking again.

“Uh… Well, it was nice chatting with you, but unfortunately I do have to go clean my apartment. Family is coming over tomorrow,” you said softly. “I’ll see you around, though, yeah?”

“Yes, that sounds… sounds good. Maybe if you end up wanting some of that company you were talking about, we could get dinner some time?”

You couldn’t help a giddy smile sneaking onto your face. You nodded easily, glancing at his hand as he shut your mailbox for you near your head. 

“I could come knock on your door some time soon and invite you properly, if you’d be alright with that,” he said, that little smirk sneaking back onto his face.

“I’d like that.”

[phoenix761fics]

Masterlist

Links broke on the old ones, so here's a single, much more organized new one. All fics tagged appropriately on their respective pages, including relevant content warnings. Enjoy!

The Boondock Saints

Eyes On You - PDA exposes one of Connor's kinks (Connor x reader x Murphy, smut)

Getting Mouthy - Murphy isn't the only one in trouble when he runs his mouth (Murphy x reader, smut adjacent)

The Grocery List - In which Connor learns not to snoop (Connor x reader, smut adjacent)

Just Being Neighborly - a locked door, a broken elevator, and the beginning of a night they’ll barely remember (Connor x Renata x Murphy)

Last Rites - the Saints’ final mission (angst, MCD)

Starving - Connor and Murphy loving on their lady (Connor x reader x Murphy, smut)

Two Saints and an Archer - Connor and Murphy MacManus were vigilantes on a mission from God before the zombie outbreak, now God only knows how they ended up with Daryl Dixon, reclusive redneck and crossbow extraordinaire. There’s no doubt the three of them can survive the apocalypse, but can they survive each other? (gen fic, crack, crossover)

Warrior Shepherds - They were called to destroy evil, but crossing paths with a wayward soul meant compromise. And in compromising, the MacManus brothers get more than they bargained for. (Connor x Renata x Murphy)

The Phantom of the Opera

Another Alternate Ending - didn't the Persian give Raoul a gun? (gen fic, crack)

Supernatural

A Dangerous Game - Ten years. No more and no less. Now the clock has run out and it’s time to negotiate a new deal with the King of Hell. (Crowley x OFC/reader)

A Work Of Art - after sealing the rift and trapping himself in an alternate dimension, Crowley gets the chance to observe humanity (Crowley x plus-size reader, fluff)

The Familiar Winchester - a spell of Rowena’s has unexpected results (gen crack, Sam and Dean)

The Fast Lane - After Rowena’s magic brought her back from the dead, Charlie still can’t find any peace. On the open road, with the witch as her reluctant companion, there’s no telling where she’ll find it. (gen hurt/comfort, Charlie and Rowena)

Friction - Friction: 1.) the clashing between two persons or parties of opposing views, 2.) the force that resists motion between two bodies in contact (Crowley x Gemma, smut)

Geek Squad - It's a quiet afternoon in the bunker until disaster strikes. (gen humor, Sam and Dean)

Going Up - "One aspect of humanity it was taking time to get used to was how bloody slowly they had to move." (Dean x Crowley, smut adjacent)

Graceless - After his release from the Winchesters’ dungeon, Crowley’s hold on the throne of Hell is more vulnerable than ever. Determined to strengthen his claim, he seeks to produce an heir with his mistress, young Annabel Allan, a human with no family and a powerful secret she doesn’t know she keeps. (Crowley x Annabel)

Heir Of Nothing In Particular - On the edge of another apocalypse, Cas and Crowley contemplate life, emotion, and all things human. (gen fic, Cas and Crowley)

Hell And Apathy - “Sam and Dean, but not her Sam and Dean…she trusted her friends with her life, and whatever the hell was going on with them right now…they were far from the men she knew.” (demon!Dean x reader x soulless!Sam, smut)

Howling - “The court was nearly returned to normal…as normal as Hell can get, at least…” (gen, Crowley and demon!Dean)

Original Prankster - Your favorite fictional hunter turns up in your kitchen, and your boyfriend knows more about it than he’s letting on (Gabriel x reader, crack)

If You Need Anything - when everything starts getting to you, your friend Cas is there to help you keep going (Castiel x reader, hurt/comfort)

Knock First - no one ever said hunting was glamorous, especially not when working with a demon who loves pushing people's buttons (Crowley x reader, humor)

Pie and Produce - kitchen fluff (Dean x Tara, fluff)

Ridiculous And Needy - “You really need to lock your doors. Anybody could sneak into your room and leave a few surprises in your closet.” (Crowley x reader, smut adjacent)

Roadside Assistance - “…when Crowley got the text from the bunker’s other resident, he didn’t think anything of it…” (Crowley x reader, FicFacers 2020)

She’s Buying A Stairway To Heaven - “His grip felt a lot more reassuring than any stranger’s had her entire life, but she supposed being menaced by a girl who committed suicide fifty years prior had a way of making things like that a little less odd.” (gen casefic, Dean and OFC)

Something You Don’t Know - a few mishaps on a hunt leads to a few confessions (Sam Winchester x reader, fluff)

Topeka Calling - Cas has caller ID. That hunter from Topeka has an itch. Dean just wants a refill. (gen humor, Cas and Dean)

Welcoming Committee - A tragedy prompts a new start for Sam and his son Jack (fluff AU, Sam and Charlie)

Why Can't There Be A Santa? - "There's no point in wasting that, because there's no bearded guy in a red suit coming to drink it." (gen fluff, Weechesters)

With The Touch Of A Button - One last End Of All Things, one last solution (gen crack, Team Free Will 2.0)

The Walking Dead

Bad Influence - “Her warmth was sinking under his skin until it felt like a little fire flickering through him…her voice soft and her words so full of that hope he was starting to think nothing could destroy…” (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

Blue Into Black - Beth was a good girl, but something about Daryl Dixon made her want to be bad. Sequel to "I Don't Mind" (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

Can't Tell Her No - Beth found something in her cell, and she can't wait to try them out (Beth x Daryl, smut)

Caught Staring - Beth goes for a walk in the prison yard (Summer of Bethyl 2018)

Entertaining - Beth is expecting two certain someones for dinner, and nothing could possibly go wrong (AU, Brickyl Week 2018)

Get Bit - Maybe if he’d just left that damn door closed… (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

I Don't Mind - He’d never done anything like this before, never had an ongoing thing with someone. Whatever this “thing” was, cause damned if he knew. He’d never wanted to hold someone’s hand before, and he’d damn sure never wanted to kiss someone…not before Beth. (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

Keep Singing - Daryl in Alexandria (Beth x Daryl, angst)

One More Song - The war is over and peace has been a long time coming, and it comes with someone Daryl thought he’d never see again (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

The Parting Glass - a long night with memories and regrets (Negan x Lucille, angst)

Robin and Marian - They called him Robin Hood… (AU, Beth x Daryl)

Rushing, Racing, Running - They always had to be ready to run (Summer of Bethyl 2018)

Take Care Of It - Beth has been thinking about Daryl, and she’s kept it to herself so far. Now, though, she might let him hear about it. (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

Talk Like That - You don’t talk back to him like that and get away with it. (Negan x reader, smut)

Trade You - “He needed somewhere to cool off, somewhere with a decent breeze that wasn’t crowded with people seeking his attention…” (Negan x Wendy)

Wake Up, Dollface - Negan visits after a shared glance (Negan x OFC, smut)

While You're Awake - Daryl can't sleep, and Beth doesn't want to. (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

Why Ain't I Running - They never built a wall that high/Or made a chain that strong/And God ain’t never made a place/I felt like I belong (Bethyl Smut Week 2018)

Support your local scribbler! Likes are good, comments are better, and reblogs are best of all. ❤️

[mercerislandbooks]

Our Favorite Fiction of 2024

Although there is still a month and a bit of 2024 to go, and it's entirely possible that one of us will find another novel we absolutely adore, we wanted to give you, our lovely customers, a peek at the collection of fiction we couldn't stop talking about this year. Our staff is a varied lot with diverse tastes (luckily our customers are just as delightfully quirky) and we hope there's something for everyone in this round-up of titles.

Cindy, Laurie, Nancy AND Caitlin all loved Liz Moore's The God of the Woods, with its historical setting, secrets galore, and rich people doing very bad things. If you're in the mood for a thriller set in the '70's this will satisfy.

As for Table for Two, by Amor Towles, Brad says that the concluding 200-page novella of this short story collection is "worth the price of admission", continuing the story of Rules of Civility. He was also charmed to discover the only published mystery of famed Winnie-the-Pooh author A. A. Milne. The Red House Mystery is for those of you longing for a perfect locked room whodunnit from the Golden Age of Mysteries.

For a contemporary thriller, Cindy highly recommends Listen for the Lie by Amy Tintera, saying, "Lucy Chase, exonerated in the murder of her best friend, is mortified when a popular (and handsome) true crime podcaster opens a new investigation that thrusts her into national and community scrutiny all over again. Moving back and forth between the events that led to the crime and this new investigation, old friendships and relationships are reconsidered. Let the neighborly finger-pointing begin! Again."

Or, if a week on Cape Cod with your adult kids AND your aging parents in the height of summer sounds appealing (or at the least, amusing to read about), Laurie and I both loved Sandwich by Catherine Newman. Funny, poignant, and perfect for book clubs, this is a short book that packs a punch.

My personal top read of 2024 is The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley. Try this smart and thought-provoking debut if you like time travel, handsome Arctic explorers, and shady government shenanigans.

One of Caitlin's favorites from this year is Small Rain, by Garth Greenwell, a book she calls, "Magnificent! A tender novel about healing, care-giving, and poetry." She also loved Us Fools, by Nora Lange, a heartbreaking yet humorous story about two sisters growing up in the Midwest during the 1980's farm crisis. And check out the testimonials at the front for Caitlin's quote!

Nancy and Caitlin can't stop talking about Fire Exit by Morgan Talty. Caitlin says, "A long kept family secret, inheritance, guilt and mental illness combine into one outstanding novel." While Nancy adds, "I can't say enough good things about this book and author. Incredible writing!"

Becca and I got to buddy read and write a blog about The Spellshop, the coziest of cozy fantasies. This one is for readers who want a warm hug of book with a dollop of whimsy. Warning, it will make you crave toast and jam.

And (in my opinion) our favorite fiction isn't complete without an exceptional romance. Ready or Not, by Cara Bastone was a fantastic, surprise pregnancy, friends-to-love romance. I absolutely loved these characters and all their emotions. Plus, the audiobook is one of the best I've listened to this year.

Check out the link to see our complete list and, as always, we're happy to give you even more recommendations!

2024: Our Favorite Fiction

Up next, our Favorite Nonfiction of 2024!

-- Lori

[writingrosesonneptune]

Character Inverse Tag

🦉Thank you to @tabswrites for the tag!🦉

Rules: Describe the opposite of your OCs

Gently tagging: @cowboybrunch @chauceryfairytales @mysticstarlightduck @rhikasa @literarynecromancy and anyone else who wants to join in!

Doing this for the PQ cast!

Sadira: Laidback and not in a hurry to make any moves, always thinks everything through before making a decision. Has no problem sacrificing others' happiness or wellbeing in order to achieve her goals. Weak convictions. Doesn't care what others think of her and would never feel bad for speaking out of turn.

Yanna: Outspoken and outgoing, rushes in without thinking of the consequences. The bold leader of her group of friends, she has no patience for research or doing things the safe way. Hates secrecy and thinks writing in code is stupid. Doesn't snoop around. Would confess to her crush as soon as the thought occurred to her.

The Huntsman (L): Also hates secrecy, hates stealth even more, and would never pull a longcon to get even with someone. If he got upset about something, he would just let it go. No need to dwell on it. He doesn't have any special interests, either, no ill-advised collections. Just a hobbyless guy with a well-adjusted outlook. He probably doesn't even have a signature outfit.

Ghost-Hand: Real pleasant guy, very neighborly. If you messed up, he probably wouldn't have anything to say about it. Loud. Colorful wardrobe, maximilist decor. Thinks everyone has inherent worth and would never suggest sacrificing anyone for the greater good. Hates the military. The one thing is he acts kind of irrationally and holds onto grudges for a long time?

Bonus Characters under the cut.

Stryn: The best listener. Has uncanny perception both of time passing and when people are hiding something. Dispassionate; doesn't get fixated on his goals at all. Understands places are more than names on a map. Hates wolves and the theatre. Has no respect for spirits and is fine letting other people take charge.

Han: A total pessimist. Thinks things will never get better and lets opportunities pass him by. Doesn't worry about seeming useful and has no abandonment issues whatsoever. Quiet. Isn't nosy. Hates gossiping and window-shopping. Has no desire to read or go anywhere new.

E: Not one to overthink. Terrible at bluffing and is always honest about her feelings. Doesn't have a weird reaction to receiving gifts. Self-preserving law-abider. Has no sense of humor or impulse control. Never makes stupid bets with her husband to see who can get more information out of people.

Z: Cold, thinks what happens to others is no problem of his. Sharp dresser. Price gouges and takes sellers licenses very seriously. Loves the military. Plans everything five steps ahead and never avoids his problems. Terrible at reading people and keeping secrets.

Giuliana: Very well-adjusted to grief. Doesn't jump to conclusions, have a victim-complex, or blame people for things outside of their control. Not protective in the slightest. Laidback approach to parenting and governing. Is upfront about everything and respects authority outside of her own. No sense of fashion, could never be a trend-setter.

Alyssa: Meek, unadventurous. Doesn't like reading or working with others, and she doesn't have hangups about handling responsibility. Hates horses. Never gossips or makes a first move. Practical clothes only. Incapable of setting aside her feelings and won't compromise on anything.

[braveveth]

This is by no means an comprehensive list of aftg fic I very much adore and since I don’t know what you like it’s kind of a wild mix. But maybe there is something that catches your eye (and you don’t already know). Sometimes I have shortened the summaries to just a few tags so you might want to look that up for further information. It’s also a lot of AUs and so far only Neil/Andrew. If you are also interested in Kevin, Jean, Jeremy in some kind of combination- that’s a whole other list. If you’ve got questions, let me know. Otherwise: Enjoy :)

Push to talk by alexjosten | Firewatch AU: Neil needs a fresh start. He has a new name and a new job in the middle of nowhere, miles away from anything to do with Exy. The only person he speaks to is Andrew, who knows nothing about him... until Neil's past catches up with him.

And we‘ll be running by allysavedtheday | Band AU: It had been six months ago when Kevin called him, sounding drunk off his ass and on the verge of a breakdown, begging Neil for help as guitarist for The Monsters until Andrew comes back. First it was just something to vill the void. Now he doesn’t want to leave..

Sleeping with ghosts by boybeaulieu | Band AU / breakup and makeup: The Band AU where Andrew and his Monsters learn how to deal with notoriety while performing for an emo, grunge crowd. But what kind of musician has never experienced heartbreak? Not even Andrew, apparently.

Andrew Minyard‘s Diary by fuzzballsheltiepants | Bridget Jones AU: In which Andrew is Bridget Jones, Kevin is Daniel Cleaver, and Neil is Mark Darcy. Except none of them are like their inspiration characters at all.

We used to be friends by gluupor | Veronica Mars AU

No mourners, no funerals by gluupor | Six of Crows AU

Pie another day by gluupor | Basically a Pushing Daisies AU: very humorous

Murder boyfriends by justadreamfox | High School AU / Inspired by the movie heathers: It’s 1989. Riko Moriyama rules Westerburg High School and The Butcher rules Baltimore. Neil and Andrew are so, so over it. Shit’s about to get real

Such a fool for sacrifice by likeareacord | Bodyguard AU: Neil is a successful author with a stalker who seems to know a little too much about his past. He needs a bodyguard for his upcoming book tour. Enter: Andrew Minyard.

Meow Meow Lullaby by moonix | Library AU: When the existence of their library is threatened, rival librarians Neil and Andrew must team up to save it.

Much Ado by puddlejumper99 | Shakespeare AU: Loosely following the plot of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing, avowed bachelor Neil is determined never to marry, and also determined to insult Andrew into an early grave. Meanwhile, Riko is plotting to ruin Matt and Dan's wedding.

(dont‘t fear) the reaper srcibbleb_red | Under world AU: Andrew and Neil don’t meet in life. They meet in limbo. Andrew is a Reaper – a ‘ferryman’ charged with taking the souls of the recently deceased through limbo to the Other Side. Neil wakes up dead – killed by his father – or so he believes. But as ever for our Foxes, nothing is ever as simple as it seems.

honey don‘t feed me (I will come back) by talls | Greek Mythology AU: There’s a new god in the pantheon; Andrew remembers hearing about the scandal a while back, the newest Demeter having a child with the current Zeus and then going on the run, child in tow. They call him Persephone, the god of springtime and new life, the antithesis of Andrew's realm. It would be ludicrous of Persephone to ever interact with Andrew at all. If only someone told Persephone that.

under the kitchen lights by ephemeralsky | Neighbours AU: in which Andrew and Neil are neighbors who do various neighborly things

Back to the start by fuzzballsheltiepants | Amenesia / hurt/comfort: Andrew has been on his pro team for 6 months when he takes a ball to the head. Neil flies to Boston to see him - only to find that Andrew doesn't remember him.

Feels like falling by gluupor | Post canon / Getting back together: After college Andrew left behind both exy and Neil. Five years later, he’s built himself a stable life with nothing wanting. Or so he thinks, until a chance encounter brings him back in contact with Neil.

hello world by lolainslackss | Canon Divergence / Enemies to lovers / Professional Exy: Everyone on the US national team knows that Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten hate each other, so of course they all think it's hilarious to force them to share a room in the name of 'team harmony' for the entirety of the Exy World Cup.

LIFE SAVER!!! this is wonderful tysm<3 very excited about a lot of these. that firewatch au… and the underworld one….

totally get you about it being a wild mix btw. i’m the first to admit i can be pretty picky about characterisation but with these books you could genuinely be reading the wildest of au’s and it could still be incredibly in character (and vice versa). so i’m up to try a lot and this is giving me a whole lot to try!!

[timothvy]

You’re Holding Me, You’re Holding Back by ME !!!

“It’s all over me.” With little hesitation, Leorio blew on Kurapika’s face. When Kurapika reopened his eyes, he was met with a glare. “You just spit all over me.”

Leorio tried to hold back one of his shit-eating grins Killua found humor in. “Oops.”

--

When Kurapika shows up at Leorio's door late one night on the Black Whale, the neighborly thing to do is to invite him into your bed, right?

*hypnotizes you into reading and commenting*

[ao3feed-dadzawa]

Serendipitous Encounters

Serendipitous Encounters by Coffee Scribbles

Contrary to popular belief, Izuku Midoriya hadn't actually intended to do anything illegal. Apparently vigilantism actually IS a slippery slope, and the transition from neighborly, helping old ladies with their groceries, to leaving would-be muggers tied up in alley-ways… is rather quick and easy to slip. Who coulda guessed?

Still, if he's honest, Izuku isn't as bothered as he probably should be. —Though he still feels a little peeved about the outfit thing though. If he'd known he was going to be breaking the law, he definitely would've added more flare. More colorful spandex for sure. A cape too, maybe.— It's only the second strangest thing happening in Izuku's life, after all. First place definitely goes to the random skills and memories he keeps acquiring out of nowhere.

(I.e; Izuku is a time-traveling amnesiac trapped in his own fourteen year old body... Or, at least, that's his current running theory. The runner up being, of course, that he's managed to loose his marbles in the most inconvenient yet genre-savvy way possible. Though he's hoping for the former, he's not really sure it matters. At least now he can start saving people, right?)

Words: 2753, Chapters: 1/15, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Midoriya Inko, Sasaki Mirai | Sir Nighteye, Shinsou Hitoshi, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Bakugou Katsuki

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku

Additional Tags: Vigilante Midoriya Izuku, Time Travel Fix-It, (kind of), Fluff and Angst, Humor, Temporary Amnesia, Parental Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Parental Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead | Dadzawa, Bullying, Middle School Student Midoriya Izuku, Time Travelling Midoriya Izuku, Amnesiac Midoriya Izuku, Basically just 14yr old Izuku gaining some of his future self's random memories and abilities, lots of morally grey characters, this is a pretty lighthearted fic, but it does touch on some rougher topics, Neglectful Midoriya Inko, (she tries her best), Burns, Quirkless Discrimination, Snarky Midoriya Izuku, Unreliable Narrator Midoriya Izuku

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47975944

[cutegirlmayra]

Do you do Marvel fanfics? If yes I would love to read about spiderman and ironman being in a father-son like relationship. I love you !! ❤️❤️

It is, indeed, not my forte but I will have a go, why not?

PROMPTS ARE STILL ON SHUTDOWN, Don’t send anymore. Please and thank you ^^

Prompt:

Swinging wildly through the city, there was a concert of both cheers and boos, as Peter–everyone’s neighborly superhero: Spiderman!–swung with too many things he was carrying.

On one shoulder, his phone–which he tried to push his cheek against to keep it from falling, his spidey-sense letting him know his bag with all his school books was slipping and the zipper getting snagged on his suit.

Scrambling with his feet to keep his books from dropping out of his bag, he fumbled in the air, having to dodge building after building, while finally deciding to end the suffering and just string every article of his around his chest and squirted his string to the back of his phone and slapped it on his cheek.

Finally, he could swing well, “Sorry, Mr. Stark, I didn’t quite get that last part-? Woah!” he dodged a speeding train, having not even realized his surroundings. Hanging on to one tethering string, he was being twirled by the momentum he had dodged at, and finally, crashed into an open garbage dump, with large trash bags to–hopefully–cushion his fall. “Offph! Did you say ‘outing’?” He stuck his head out of the large green bin as he hit away from banana peels and jumped to get out, having to ‘swim’ at first to get through the grimey terrain.

“Listen, I don’t have a lot to explain to you what a ‘Camping trip’ is,” Tony, on the other hand, had his hands mostly loosen as he kept the phone up by his ear and kissed Pepper on the cheek as she walked by him and turned around to smile at him while he made his way down his multi-billion dollar hallway to work. “Where’s my earpiece?” He looked down at a kid with his dad’s reporter’s pass and pulled it out of his ear as though it was a magic trick. “There it is.” He ruffled the kid’s hair, clicked a few buttons, then put the device in his ear.

Completely nonchalant in his sarcasm, as usual, he then shook both arms out as though to ‘relax’ and pressed on with his conversation, adjusting the cuffs on his nice business suits at the ends of his wrists, “But it’s what grown men do to let out some steam and–I don’t know, Parker–bond?” He waved to a man passing by and then put his hands together, “I’m aware it’s your birthday coming up and you and I are going fishing.”

Spiderman was now in the jaws of a vicious, mutated, humongous monster as he leaned out of its mouth, the phone still stuck to his cheek as both his hands and arms were keeping it from clamping down on him.

“L-Like a father-son outing, Mr. Stark?” He looked around before gauging he needed a hand… pushing the jaw open with only one hand now he sprayed into its eye and gracefully back-air-swaned out of its mouth. “But what will I wear?”

“Mosquito repellant, and for your skin, definitely any sunscreen higher than what’s normally prescribed.” Stark was making himself some coffee, picking it up and taking a sip, “Ah~”

Peter’s voice answered with a roar of some monster and wind scraping through the microphone it sounded like, “Sunscreen isn’t prescribed, Mr. Stark.” he flew through the air to swing around the monster.

“It should be.” Stark humorously spoke out in a neutral tone, “Now, I’ll provide the camping stuff, you just bring your darling self.” He smiled, “Oh, and one more thing.”

Spiderman had now lassoed the monster in one hand, and with the other, put reins on it as it thrashed around the park. “Yes, Mr. Stark?” He looked around, as though wondering, ‘What now!?’

Tony stopped in the hallway, looking straight ahead, “Finish him, already… I’m growing bored.” Suddenly, the camera zoomed in to show Stark was watching the news on his glasses, thin holograms that were highlighting Spiderman’s fight.

“M-Mr. Stark?” He looked around, having tried hard to disguise the fact that he was busy.

“I appreciate that you love talking to me so much that you wouldn’t hang up the phone nor interrupt me.” Stark smirked, “So do us all a favor and give us a showman worth rooting for?” He took another big and hard gulp of his coffee, lifting his head up a bit to do so. “You’re losing me, kid.” He encouraged, as though to give the audience a big ‘BANG!’ finisher.

Peter paused for a moment as the monster kept rampaging like a bull trying to toss a rider from his back, but he chuckled after realizing that he was aware the whole time, and jumped.

The Monster reared its head up, but Spiderman tied it’s rex-like feet to the base of the ground with his webs, then swung up to teether different parts of its body to trees, then tripped it with a long string on the other side as it started to break free. “Timbbberrr!!!” he cried out as it came crashing down and hit it’s jaw on the water-fountain.

Drinking the water… it suddenly started licking, then gulping… before getting up and seeming to grow larger…

“Ahhh, Mr. Stark!” He realized it a bit late.

“It’s like one of those dinosaur pills you put in the sink and watch it form from a sponge.” Stark commented.

“... What? That was a thing? Was that an old person’s childhood toy, sir?” Spiderman stepped back a bit, but tried to keep the trip string and use it to tie its ankles so even though it was growing, it was still down.

“... How dare you.” Stark pulled the earpiece off and directly spoke down to it at his comment.

“Bomb it, Peter!” he cried out, as Spiderman leaped towards it’s guzzling mouth and sat on it’s nose, tossing small spider-bombs into the water as it drank it down, “My Aunt May once had to take care of this pomeranian our neighbors kept, and she would mix it’s medicine in with it’s food all the time.” Peter began to go on a mini-tangent before jumping away and running up the monster’s back. “I think this is the same thing expect we’re really not trying to help it-!”

“Get out of there, Peter..!” Stark looked out the window, and saw the massive explosion as the guts of the creature sprayed out with water all over his nice building’s windows… such was the radius of the blast.

“... I just bought this place.” He turned around and spoke into the earpiece again, “You better fish better than you fight.”

The two sat in the great outdoors, the chairs very standard with a cooler in between them, and the fishing lines out across the bright, azure lake.

“... You know, Mr. Stark, they say that-” Peter began on a scientific rant about facts ranging from mountains, lakes, and urban legends regarding some of them.

Tony dipped his hat down, sighing as he seemed like he was about to fall asleep rather than tell the boy to pipe down, knowing it was something that made him happy.

However, peeking from under the hat, he saw another huge monster’s tail in the water, and without telling Peter about it, immediately shifted his hand to a part of his Iron Man’s suit and blasted it.

“Woah-Woah!” Peter scooted back, shocked at the beam. “Mr. Stark! The Fish-!”

Powering down, Tony flexed his arm and pumped it a second to make the Iron Man fist arm go away and convert back to himself. “Crocodile.” he stated.

“B… B-But- Mr. Stark,” Peter began to protest, “They don’t live in waters like this.” He looked between the lake and Tony.

Tony put the hat back over his head and leaned his neck back, “What were you saying… about the ecosystem here compared to europe?” He proved he was listening..! And smacked his chops before pulling out a can, popping it, and drinking it down.

Aunt May had told Tony he had never had a real ‘guy’s trip’ before, and she always felt bad that she wasn’t much of a hiker, skier,... Heck, even anything on a boat made her woozy.

Hearing that, Tony couldn’t be happier than sending a drone out over the lake while Peter was busy, discreetly clicking some buttons on his arm before it flew down into the water, and Tony jumped up to point to Peter’s rod.

“Look!” he cried out, “Reel it in, reel it in!” He scrambled to help get Peter to his feet, holding the rod with him as the Drone took the dead monster body, wrapped the fishing line around itself, and began to pull against the pressure.

“Woah! It’s a big one, Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaimed, jawgapping as he tried to dig his feet into the ground to keep his catch.

“Must be one of your urban legends, Peter!” Stark summoned out his Ironman arms, “I can’t hold him, Peter, we’ll need your webslinger!”

“Right!” Peter shot into the lake as Tony pretended to fall back down behind him, and stuck out his tongue as he secretly, playfully, started putting in code.

“Watch out, Peter, hang on to it. We’ll cook this one up for Aunt May, she’ll see! We’ll get a big ol’picture!” He just kept spouting out silly nonsense before the Drone flew half the huge body out of the water.

“Uhhh-aahhh, Mr. Stark, that’s not a fish!” He cried out.

“Sure it is.” Stark smirked and reached out to grab his can again, drinking some more. “Keep at it, kid, you’ll reel it in. Don’t worry, you got it.”

Shooting out his string, deciding to trust him, he was able to hook it and tied the end of his string around the fishing reel.

They got a pic for Aunt May alright… with two big happy-go-lucky smiles on their faces, openly grinning from ear to ear as they held a secondary monster up out of the water with thumbs up. YT

(But imagine it's a monster instead that their holding and the pic is for Aunt May with a nature scene behind them lol)

[ao3feed-izuku-midoriya]

Serendipitous Encounters

Serendipitous Encounters by Coffee Scribbles

Contrary to popular belief, Izuku Midoriya hadn't actually intended to do anything illegal. Apparently vigilantism actually IS a slippery slope, and the transition from neighborly, helping old ladies with their groceries, to leaving would-be muggers tied up in alley-ways… is rather quick and easy to slip. Who coulda guessed?

Still, if he's honest, Izuku isn't as bothered as he probably should be. —Though he still feels a little peeved about the outfit thing though. If he'd known he was going to be breaking the law, he definitely would've added more flare. More colorful spandex for sure. A cape too, maybe.— It's only the second strangest thing happening in Izuku's life, after all. First place definitely goes to the random skills and memories he keeps acquiring out of nowhere.

(I.e; Izuku is a time-traveling amnesiac trapped in his own fourteen year old body... Or, at least, that's his current running theory. The runner up being, of course, that he's managed to loose his marbles in the most inconvenient yet genre-savvy way possible. Though he's hoping for the former, he's not really sure it matters. At least now he can start saving people, right?)

Words: 2753, Chapters: 1/15, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Midoriya Inko, Sasaki Mirai | Sir Nighteye, Shinsou Hitoshi, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Bakugou Katsuki

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku

Additional Tags: Vigilante Midoriya Izuku, Time Travel Fix-It, (kind of), Fluff and Angst, Humor, Temporary Amnesia, Parental Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Parental Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead | Dadzawa, Bullying, Middle School Student Midoriya Izuku, Time Travelling Midoriya Izuku, Amnesiac Midoriya Izuku, Neglectful Midoriya Inko, (she tries her best), Burns, Quirkless Discrimination, Snarky Midoriya Izuku, Unreliable Narrator Midoriya Izuku, One For All Quirk Haunted by Past One For All Users' Ghosts, Crack Treated Seriously, Basically Izuku and All Might keep remembering snippets of the future, (Via their connection through OFA), and they're trying to figure out what the hell is going on, BAMF Midoriya Izuku

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47975944

[zipzin]

Neighborly Affections - Also on Ao3

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance & Zari Tomaz

Characters: Sara Lance, Ava Sharpe, Zari Tomaz, Ray Palmer, Nate Heywood, Nora Darhk

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers/Time Travel, Neighbors, Assholes to Friends to Lovers, Everyone is Gay, (except ray and nora), Crack, Humor, Youtuber!Sara, Lawyer!Ava

Summary: It only takes two seconds for Sara to hate her new (distractingly beautiful) neighbor. If only Zari would understand how serious she is instead of posting clips of her ranting.

The door clicked shut behind her and Sara stared at the mattress blocking the hallway. “What the hell?” She muttered.

The answer came to her as soon as she uttered the words, someone was finally moving in. Daphne, the previous renter, had been nice, in the, thanks for watching my plants, I’m pretty sure you would steal my prescription medication if you could find it, kind of way, and Sara hadn’t exactly been sad to see her go.

But still, the devil you knew was usually better than the devil you don’t.

“What are you doing!?” A woman screeched on her left.

Before Sara could answer, she was pushing Sara further down the hall, away from the stairs.

“Hey!” Sara shoved the woman’s hands off her, “What are you doing?”

“You’re in the way!” The woman was wearing a pantsuit of all things, and had a tight bun that looked like it was up to military standards. She was, well, beautiful, even if the pantsuit and bun were doing her no favors.

“I’m trying to leave!” Sara yelled back at her.

The woman ignored her as she turned back to the mattress, which Sara could now see was being carried by two men. The hallway was barely wide enough to fit it through. 

Sara clenched her fists as she weighed her options, and then under her breath, muttered, “Fuck it.”

She darted forward, trying to squeeze through the infinitesimal gap and the woman yelled again, “WAIT!”

“Can I just,” Sara knocked one of the movers back and slid past him and the mattress, “Sorry!” She yelled back as she raced down the stairs. She let out a breath once she made it outside, her momentary peace interrupted by a massive moving truck that was parked out front, emergency lights flashing alongside an incessant beeping sound.

Sara groaned as she started her watch for her run and hoped that they would be gone by the time her warmup was done. If only she’d brought her phone so she could tell Zari to move the filming to later and she could hide in the nearest Starbucks until this was all done

Whatever, Sara thought, as she proceeded to jog down the street.

She didn’t love running, privately, she felt that the only people who did were either self-identified masochists or depressed (and probably didn’t know it), but it was one of the easiest ways to workout, and one of the best ways to warm up for when they’d be doing a variety of dynamic exercises for circuits. She dodged through people until she got to the small park three blocks down and began her loop.

Her mood was not improving.

She should have decided to box this morning.

That annoying woman, Sara knew instinctively that would be her neighbor, but she still hoped that she was just some overbearing manager for a moving company. If those existed, Sara figured, they’d be just like her.

She reluctantly headed back and slowed to a walk as she approached the building, dismayed, despite her assumptions, to find the moving truck was still there. She should have just accepted Zari’s wrath and run for longer. Or gotten coffee.

The woman was on the sidewalk now, talking to one of the movers and waving her hands around like they’d dropped her mother’s ashes. They’re taking up the entire sidewalk, because why wouldn’t they be, and Sara tries to dart around them right as the woman turns.

The woman’s knocked back, and Sara can only wince as she makes it to the doors.

“Watch where you’re going!” The woman growled, her neat bun now knocked askew.

“Sorry.” Sara called as she opened the doors.

She watched the woman bat away the mover’s hand and stand. Sara slipped inside, but not before hearing the woman bellow, “You are the clumsiest idiot I’ve ever met!”

It wasn’t her fault, they shouldn’t have been taking up the whole sidewalk.

Sara raced up the stairs and slammed open the door, “What a bitch!”

Zari just hummed as she fiddled with one of their studio lights.

Sara let out a loud sigh, “She better not be our new neighbor.”

Zari rolled her eyes. “Who? And you’re late.”

Sara checked her watch, “I’m not, well, blame the bitch in the pantsuit who was yelling at everything that existed today. I get an inch in her way and it’s like I stole her purse. If she’s our new neighbor, I swear.”

She was not dealing with that woman everyday. Why did Daphne have to move? She barely used those muscle relaxers anyway.

“I’ll take that bet.”

Sara let out a sigh of frustration as she started on some dynamic stretches to keep her heart rate up. “I’m not stupid.”

Zari had made more money that Sara was willing to admit on stupid bets in college.

“If you’re sure,” Zari shrugged, “and everything’s ready to go when you are.”

“Yeah,” Sara nodded as she shook at her limbs. “I’m telling you-”

“Sara,” Zari warned and Sara nodded.

They weren’t the best taskmasters, it depended on the day for who derailed them, but Sara shut up and looked at the bulleted list she’d made this morning for the exercises she’d be doing. The video they were filming would be about creating your own circuit, so it was a lot less structured than some of her others.

“We’ll do the exercise shots first,” Zari said with her no nonsense voice that Sara knew she got from her mother, “And you better not change your mind halfway through.”

“Relax,” Sara said, “This is about making circuits, so the exercises just need to be examples. These are good.”

“There’s nothing else you want to add?”

“Nothing else,” Sara promised.

“I’m holding you to that,” Zari grumbled.

Sara bit a lip to keep from laughing. She knew that Zari wouldn’t actually be annoyed if Sara added one or two, she was more of a perfectionist than Sara was when it came to the videos. Though, in a lot of ways, they were more of Zari’s than Sara’s. They had started during university, three years ago, when Zari had asked Sara to help her make a video for one of her classes. Sara, almost finished with her kinesiology degree, had helped with the script on a basic workout video while Zari handled all of the technical bits.

They’d both been surprised when it got a couple thousand views in the first week, and had tentatively made a couple more, shocked at the climbing view count. When they’d graduated five months later, they’d decide to keep them going to make a couple extra bucks.

Today, they made plenty more than that, and had no trouble covering their shared living expenses with their other roommate and Zari’s girlfriend, Amaya. Sara still worked part-time at a gym as a personal trainer, but that was for the socialization and ideas with the cash just being a bonus, and Zari had her hands full with a bunch of other editing gigs and her own, albeit much smaller, gaming channel.

“Rolling!” Zari yelled and Sara jumped down to start a plank. Showtime.

Sara was in the middle of her second set of clap push ups when the knocking started. It’s loud, irritating, and there‘s no way that Zari will be able to edit it out in post. Sara finished the set, cursing whoever is behind the door and that Zari made her film by herself today.

“WHAT?” She demanded as she threw open the door.

The woman didn’t even flinch back, “Finally! You took forever.”

“Why are you pounding on my door?”

“Some of us work from home.” The infuriating woman, wearing what Sara assumed was a different, if identical looking blue pantsuit, said, “And your music and grunting is too loud. I can’t be on a call when everyone can hear it in the background.”

“That’s not my problem,” Sara scoffed, “You should have checked the audio levels before you moved here.”

“I did!” She took a step forward so she’s right in Sara’s face, “And there wasn’t any of this, whatever the hell you’re doing.”

“Well, this is my work, so deal with it. Go to a coffee shop or something.” Sara slammed the door so hard it shook the wall. It felt better than it should have, and if Amaya was here Sara would probably get a long lecture. Zari would probably just laugh. Sara turned up her music a little bit and turned back to the camera.

“Oh my annoying, infuriating neighbor. The music is barely audible in the hall,” Sara rolled her eyes as she talked. “But some people will find any reason to not like you. So on to set 3.”

Sara rubbed at her head with one hand and braced herself on the handrail with the other as she walked down the stairs. She had to lean against the wall on each landing for a moment before tackling the next flight to catch her breath. And not throw up.

The shots were a mistake.

The fluorescent lights blinked down at her like a demon of sunlight and Sara squinted behind her sunglasses. She should have grabbed Zari’s too. Her head throbbed as she finally made it three floors down to the lobby.

Why is she here again?

Oh, right, Sara nodded to herself, the sudden movement having her grab and rub at her forehead. The mail.

After losing rock paper scissors against Zari (who didn’t drink and wasn’t even hungover, the bastard), she’d been forced to retrieve it, because apparently there was a check they needed now waiting for them. Sara groaned as she fumbled with her key and opened the door to the mailroom. Lights glared down at her mockingly and she stumbled to the corner that housed their mailbox.

She blinked dumbly at the woman already occupying the space. Gorgeous blonde locks spiraled down her back and Sara could only stare as she turned around.

It just had to be the bitch in a pantsuit, because of course, what else would she be wearing? At least this time her hair wasn’t in that uncomfortable looking bun.

She stopped when she saw Sara, lips curling up, “You.”

Sara blinked a couple times, “Me?”

“Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors?”

“Um, you know, why not,” Sara defended, wincing as she slid them up her face and immediately let them fall again. Her pride was not worth the pain.

“It’s a Wednesday.” The woman stares.

“So? Are you going to preach your puritanical morals-”

“Puritanical!?” The woman screeched and Sara held her head. The woman stepped forward, “Listen here, girl,” Girl? Sara scoffed and the woman poked her in the chest. “You don’t know anything about me, so go on keep making a fool of yourself, at least I’m not a trashy washout.”

Sara tried to laugh, but it sounded strained even to her ears, “You don’t know anything about me either, now move, bitch.” Sara shoved her to the side and the woman squawked as some mail fluttered from her arms.

“That’s bitch esquire to you.”

Sara ignored her as she fumbled with her own mailbox and by the time she gathered everything, the woman was gone.

Good, Sara thinks. And then cursed when she remembered she had three flights of stairs in front of her.

---

Zari opened the blinds and let the glory of golden hour bathe the apartment in wonderful, amber light. One day, Zari promised herself (for the countless time), she would make a video with this lighting glowing through the apartment. With all the cuts and additions they made on Sara’s videos, it was just too tricky to capture everything before it faded into darkness that required artificial light if they wanted to keep up the quality. And Zari wasn’t about to rage quit trying to match the colors between shots.

They’d still take a bunch of photos, using them for a combination of thumbnails and social media that most people would ignore her artful framing in favor of lusting over Sara’s body. How Sara could stand it, Zari didn’t entirely know.

“Ugh.”

Sara stepped out of her bedroom, wearing tiny athletic shorts covered by a large, oversized hoodie, looking monumentally better than she had when Zari had forced her to get the mail that morning, except perhaps the riotous mess on top of her head that was her hair. Napping worked wonders.

“You’re alive,” Zari said sarcastically.

“Ha ha.” Sara rolled her eyes. “Let me get my face looking less like I just woke up, and then I’m ready.”

Zari nodded as she disappeared, double checking her laptop for the values, and pulling the camera off the tripod. It’s a well oiled machine between them, one, despite Zari’s easy working relationship with Nate and Ray, had still never been truly matched. Sara emerged the second after Zari was done looking at her test photo, and with minimal instruction went through several poses and some vague attempts at exercises.

As photos, no one will notice that Sara doesn’t get the full extension.

“Alright,” Zari said, “That should be good, let me switch over for the video.”

Sara dragged the chair over as Zari flicked the camera onto rolling. 

“Was the check there?” Sara asked.

“You didn’t look?”

Sara had thrown the mail at her the second she’d re-entered the apartment and promptly went to her room to sleep. The check hadn’t been there, but Zari is planning on keeping that tidbit to herself as long as possible.

“The stupid neighbor was there and got all in my face again.” She scowled, “What an asshole.”

“Really?” Zari frowned, she’d met Ava twice, both times on the landing. Once, where she’d been balancing several folders and trying to open her door. She’d been extremely polite when Zari had offered to hold them (even if she hadn’t taken her up on it), and the second time, was when they’d done the terrible trying to go around each other and tried to walk the same direction three times.

“I could just feel the judgment dripping off her,” Sara continued.

“You were hungover on a Wednesday morning.”

“Anyway,” Sara said loudly, “She got all in my face which was the last thing I needed because of your assholery. So, I may have bumped into her and her mail might have spilled on the floor.”

“Sara!”

“It was an accident!” Sara defended, “I didn’t think she’d drop anything, and I might have called her a bitch.”

Zari was glad that Amaya got called in for an emergency surgery and didn’t have to hear this. She’d probably bake Ava a pie and make Sara deliver it on threat of being kicked out.

Sara continued, “I think she thought it was funny because she just said, ‘that’s bitch esquire to you.’”

Zari bursted out laughing, “No.”

“Yes!” Sara said. “I don’t even know what esquire means.”

“It means she’s a lawyer. Isn’t your sister a lawyer?”

“Yeah, but they just call her a prosecutor, not esquire.” Sara frowned and for once looked a little worried, “She can’t sue me, right?”

Zari snorted, “I don’t think being an asshole means you can get sued. I’d say never change, but I’d prefer you didn’t do something that gets us to get kicked out.”

“I wouldn’t!”

“If it got a rise out of Ava?”

“Who’s Ava?”

“The neighbor, dumbass,” Zari rolled her eyes.

“Well,” Sara coughed, her cheeks blazing red, “I would think about that terrible look Amaya would give us before I did it, if it helps?”

“It doesn’t.” Zari shook her head, “And I’m ready when you are.”

Sara nodded seriously and rolled her shoulders, face changing from her goofy still slightly hungover friend to the YouTuber that thousands of horny women lusted over, “Hey everyone!”

Zari took another bite of her hamburger and leaned back against the pool chair. Sara and Ava were waving their hands at each other like they were both having a freak-out and asking for the manager.

“I don’t get it,” Nate said beside her as he watched them, “Ava’s been a great neighbor, the other day she helped me get Scoots up the stairs right after I sprained my wrist.”

Zari rolled her eyes, biting her lip to keep from saying anything.

“She wants to bone her.” Mick said unceremoniously.

Ray snorted, beer spurting out of his nose and leaving him hacking and coughing as Nate handed him a stack of napkins and slapped his back.

Well, Mick said it. 

“Totally,” Zari agreed and Mick raised his beer in salute.

Jax frowned, “Okay, but Sara usually has more game than whatever tragedy is happening right now.” It looked like for a second Sara was going to shove Ava, but instead took a step closer.

“They started off on the wrong foot and neither of them are willing to back down.” Zari said, “I have like forty minutes of footage of Sara complaining about the slightest inconveniences.”

“Have you shown her?” Wally asked.

“She’s seen the clips I put at the ends of the videos,” Zari shrugged. It was one of the things that had first put them on the map, bloopers, small behind the scenes clips, and other disasters from Sara’s life that she’d ramble about as they got set up. Sara had sighed at the neighbor clips, but let Zari keep them in. Already their engagement was up as people sighed about being Sara’s mystery neighbor. Most of the comments were in agreement with Mick.

“Mick’s right,” Snart drawled, “They are totally going to fuck.”

“Probably right after Halloween,” Nate nodded.

They all turned and stared at him.

“What?” He squawked.

“C’mon, that’s way too fast,” Jax said.

“You’re inviting Ava to the party, right?” Nate asked.

“I think Amaya already has,” Zari answered.

“So, not too fast,” Nate gestured at her while everyone shook their heads at him.

“How much do you wanna bet?” Mick asked.

Nate froze, and then a look of determination crossed his face, “Fifty bucks.”

“I’ll take that,” Snart said, “I say three months.”

“New Year’s,” Mick answered.

“I think it will be mid May,” Ray said, “Not too hot yet, doubtful it’s raining, it will be perfect.”

“That’s six months away,” Jax laughed, “It’ll take them some time but not half a year. I say a week before Valentine’s day.”

They started handing money to Ray, who already had his phone pulled up and was typing down everyone’s dates, “Zari?”

Zari paused and took a long sip from her water. “They’ll come close on New Year’s,” Zari nodded to Mick, “But it will happen two weeks after.”

“No way they keep it in their pants that long.” Wally said, “It’ll be at Friendsgiving.”

“Friendsgiving?” Zari laughed, “When everyone’s so stuffed we can barely move? Would Ava even go to that?”

“I’ll invite her,” Wally shot back, “And it will be during the party, when everyone’s starving and has had significantly more alcohol than food, just watch, we won’t be able to find them.”

“You’re an idiot,” grumbled Mick.

They watched as Sara stormed inside, momentarily pausing their betting. “Actually, I think it’ll happen tonight.” Nate said.

“Pretty, you’re even dumber.” Mick grunted.

“Price is Right rules?” Ray asked, interrupting before Snart could say anything.

Everyone raised their glasses, right as Sara stormed back out and thrust her finger at Ava’s chest while they got way too close to each other. Next to them, Amaya looked between them, looking like she was debating breaking them up or leaving them to sort it out themselves.

Nate grinned, “We’re going to hell for this, right?”

“Probably.” Zari agreed.

“Is Ava even gay?” Ray asked.

The group laughed and Zari could only say, “Really, Ray?”

Nate

nate: sooo?

zari: so what?

nate: what happened???

zari: nothing??? what r u talking about???

nate: sara and ava

nate: obviously

zari: you’re a dumbass my friend, no sara was here very ALONE ALL NIGHT

nate: fuck

we’re going to hell and we’re gonna like it

nate: i’m taking halloween!!!

ray: i got his updated bet and money down

mick: so you already lost

nate: it’s called pre-winning

nate: i’m gonna be so rich

nate: what should i do with the money???

zari: how many bets is it gonna take nate?

zari: how are you not broke after mick beat you in the drinking contest?

nate: in my defense i was drunk and foolish

nate: and just this one more

jax: is it confirmed that ava’s even coming to halloween?

zari: no

nate: ZARI

nate: plz I’ll give you anything

zari: really

nate: no

zari: i’ll ask amaya and if not i’ll invite her myself, happy?

Amaya, it turned out, had not invited Ava to the Halloween party yet.

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Amaya grinned and then frowned, “This isn’t about the bet is it?”

She’d also categorically refused to join the bet.

“No,” Zari said too quickly, “I’ll invite her.”

Amaya had narrowed her eyes and Zari knew that she could see right through her, but evidently Amaya hadn’t cared enough to stop it. Which was how Zari found herself here, psyching herself up to knock on Ava’s door during one of Sara’s shifts at the gym. 

She wasn’t sure why she was suddenly nervous, Ava had always been perfectly polite to her. She and Mick had even had some positive interactions. It was just Sara.

Zari rapped on the door and shifted on the balls of her feet, as she heard movement behind the door. It was wrenched open and Ava’s expression shifted from annoyed to confused instantly.

“Zari, right?”

“Yeah,” Zari nodded and gestured at her apartment door behind her, “I wanted to invite you to the Halloween party we throw each year.”

“Oh, um,” Ava said, looking down as the beginning of a blush spread across her cheeks. “I don’t know. The barbeque was a little, um. I’m not sure that I mix super well with your group.”

Zari waved it off, “Oh don’t worry about that, everyone knows Sara can be an ass. Please come, we’ll have drinks and food and you can bring some friends.”

Ava looked like she was about to politely refuse as she wrung her hands.

“And,” Zari said, “It’s always hilarious to see what everyone pulls out of their closet to dress up as. That alone is worth it.”

“Dress up?”

“It’s Halloween,” Zari said.

Ava blinked, “I don’t have a costume. So-”

Zari stopped the door from closing, “We’re not talking Heidi Klum levels of costume, just not wearing,” Zari waved at Ava’s pantsuit, “Your normal attire. It doesn’t need to be elaborate.”

“Ummm.”

“So you’ll come, it would mean so much to Amaya.” Zari said going in for the kill. She wasn’t above using her girlfriend’s good nature.

“Yeah, sure.” Ava nodded, looking a little resigned.

“Great,” Zari turned around to walk back over, but stopped as the beginnings of an idea formed in her mind, “Actually, Amaya has an old costume that you could use if you need it, how do you feel about Xena?”

“Xena?” Ava sputtered.

“Yeah, she’s got the armor and everything.”

“I’m not sure Amaya and I are the right size.”

If she could get them to do this. “She has the wig too!”

“Um, I’ll let you know,” Ava backed away and closed the door firmly.

“Let me know!” Zari called. “I think you’d look great in it.”

She grinned to herself, as she reentered her own apartment. Now, if she could convince Sara to go as Gabrielle, she could probably con Nate out of some more cash.

---

Ava nervously fiddled with the deerstalker hat she wore as she stared at herself in the mirror, trying to tuck non-existent flyaways into it. She knew it was a little absurd to be nervous, she’d met what she assumed would be most of the attendees before, but, she winced as she thought about how that ended up. Last night, she had trouble falling asleep as she stressed over the whole situation, and had determined that since she actually liked Amaya (she wasn’t entirely sure her feelings towards Zari yet), she and Sara needed to bury the hatchet.

She was adult enough to admit that it was partially, okay, mostly her fault.

Nora rolled her eyes from the couch, resplendent in a blue sparkly dress and tiara. Ava couldn’t believe that Gary had landed on that costume of all things, but a bet was a bet.

“Where is he?” Ava grumbled.

“So eager?” Nora asked, “I thought your neighbor was a pain in the ass and the most annoying thing since Brad kept stealing your charging cables.”

“She is,” Ava answered, “but her roommates are great.”

“Hmm.”

At least if she ignored how insistent Zari was that she show up as Xena. She’d looked genuinely disappointed when Ava insisted that she had figured out a costume.

There was a rapid knock on the door and Ava wrenched it open.

“Sorry I’m late,” Gary practically fell through the entryway resplendent in a green morph suit with his face cut out, and some tiny, shiny shorts. Atop his head was a headband with bobbing red antennas.

“It’s okay.” Ava frowned at him wondering if it was too late to uninvite him. Did he know that this was a party for adults?

“I know you idiots don’t know anything about being fashionably late, but I’m classy.” Nora lifted herself off the couch, “Now let’s go, I was promised booze.”

Nora strode across the hall and pounded on the door, a faint thrum of music and conversation already filling the hallway. Ava shifted nervously with her costume as the door’s opened by a smiling Amaya, dressed as a leopard.

“Ava!” She grinned.

“Hi,” Ava said, “This is Nora and Gary, Zari said it was okay to invite some friends.”

“Of course,” Amaya ushered them in.

The apartment wasn’t completely packed, but there were a lot more people than Ava thought would be there. She examined it carefully, surprised despite her knowledge that three people lived there, that it was a lot bigger than her one bedroom. She’d gotten a few peeks of it when she had, um, been yelling at Sara, but had never actually been inside. She recognized a fair amount from around the building and barbeque and when she caught Nate’s eye he waved and gave her a thumbs up, of all things.

“Booze,” Nora grinned. There was a countertop set up at the edge of the kitchen with a variety of liquors, coolers, and glasses on it. Behind it, Sara mixed drinks dressed as what Ava could only believe was a cat. Ava swallowed as they approached and saw that the crop on Sara’s black long sleeve showed actual abs. Sara’s shorts were almost painted on, and accented by fishnet stockings. A cat ear headband wrapped up the whole look with some black whiskers drawn on Sara’s face. It was really annoying that she was so hot. 

 “What can I get you?” Sara asked Nora, a charming grin etched on her face.

“Wine?” Nora asked.

“See!” Ray grinned, “I knew someone would want some.”

Sara rolled her eyes as she poured a glass and handed it to Nora who was examining Ray, wearing some form of body protection painted a mix of blue and red.

“Someone of taste,” Nora batted her eyelashes at him and Ava fought back a groan.

“Oh,” Ray floundered, “I wouldn’t say that, I just want everyone to be happy. And have whatever they want. Even if it’s just water.”

Sara’s face tightened as she spotted Ava, “Ava.”

“Sara,” Ava did her best to smile. She’d told herself that she would be polite today. “I’ll have a whiskey neat, and Gary?”

Gary grabbed a seltzer from the cooler as Sara poured her a glass. Ava took it and drank a hearty sip before pulling Gary away before she said something that Sara decided to misinterpret. 

That’s not entirely fair, Ava grunted to herself, she knew that previously she hadn’t exactly been on stellar behavior. For some reason, Sara always caught her when she was stressed and annoyed.

“Boyfriend ditch you?” Sara sidled up next to her, a glass of whiskey clutched in her hand.

“Boyfriend?” Ava frowned.

Sara gestured toward Gary, who was draped over a blonde man, practically drooling. The rest of Sara’s words caught up with her.

Ava choked on her drink, “Gary?!”

“Ouch for Gary,” Sara said, “He was practically drooling over you earlier.”

Ava laughed so hard half the room looked at them. She turned to a frowning Sara and barely got out, “We’re both very homosexual.”

Sara’s cheeks flushed pink, “Oh.”

“Oh my god, me and Gary?” Her eyes searched the room for Nora, but found her engaged in a deep conversation with Ray. She has half a mind to call over Gary himself, but now the man he was with was doing magic? As an adult?

“Okay, okay,” Sara said, “It’s not that funny.”

Ava raised her eyebrows as her laughter petered out.

“Fine,” Sara said, “It’s kinda funny.”

Ava shrugged, she knew that she was pretty straight passing, her lesbian or gay pride flag pin she wore on her lapel at work usually did most of the work for her. Maybe Sara had never seen her wearing it? Though Ava was pretty sure this was one of the first times Sara had seen her out of her work clothes.

“I’m bisexual,” Sara said quickly, “I’m not like, you know, a bigot.”

Ava raised an eyebrow, “I figured, you live with Amaya and Zari.”

The two were draped over each other on the couch, Zari’s head laying on Amaya’s shoulder and giving her a gentle kiss on her neck.

“Right,” Sara took a quick drink.

The music seemed to swell between them and Ava gripped her glass. This was her moment. They were being polite, even a little bit friendly, for once.

 “I wanted to say sorry.”

“Sorry?” Sara blinked at her with a furrowed brow.

“I was kind of an asshole when we met.”

“Kinda?”

Ava fought back a sigh.

“Sorry,” Sara said, “You’re just really easy to rile up and it’s very hard to resist. I know I didn’t make things easy for you, and I’m sorry about that too.”

“I mean I-”

Sara held out her hand, “We’re good, thanks for apologizing, I accept. Water under the bridge and all that.”

Ava shook it, her hand tingling where flesh met flesh. She dropped Sara’s hand quickly and took a sip from her drink hoping that her cheeks weren’t blazing red.

Sara opened and closed her mouth, “You’re friends seem cool.”

Ava stared at her.

“Nora seems cool.” Sara corrected, “Gary seems, um, nice.”

Ava laughed, “What did you think about him when you thought we were dating?”

“Oh shut up,” Sara rolled her eyes.

Ava laughed and looked over at Nora who was now touching Ray’s arm as he grinned down at her. “If he hurts Nora, I swear I’ll make his life a living hell.”

“Ray?”

“No Nate,” Ava rolled her eyes. Nate was currently trying and failing to catch pretzels in his mouth thrown by someone that Ava didn’t recognize.

“Ray wouldn’t hurt a fly or, hell a spider. Or a wasp. He’d take it outside and tell us ten facts about why it’s important to the ecosystem.”

Ava narrowed her eyes, “My threat stands.”

“And you’re telling me?” Sara laughed.

Ava shifted, “Nora would kill me if I threatened him to his face.”

“Because she doesn’t need a sitter?” Sara crossed her arms with a challenging grin.

“Obviously not,” Ava rolled her eyes, “She, well, her dad sucks, and she’s dealt with a lot of bullshit over the past year. I don’t want her getting hurt because some idiot in our building is a jerk.”

Sara nodded, “I can respect that, but believe me, you have nothing to worry about with Ray.”

“Okay,” Ava said, “But I’ll kill him if he does.”

“Okay terminator,” Sara laughed.

Ava didn’t laugh and just shot her a look. Sara grinned, something sparkling in her eyes that Ava couldn’t identify. Nora finally looked over at her and Ava gave her a reluctant thumbs up, and Sara laughed and laughed next to her.

“Oh shut up,” Ava rolled her eyes but a smile graced her face.

“Are you stalking me?”

Ava’s phone dropped from her hands as her shoulder was bumped. She looked down to see, amazingly, that Sara had caught it before it fell to the ground. 

“Careful with that,” Sara grinned as she handed it back.

“What?” Ava can only think to say.

Sara laughed, momentarily drowning out the sound of coffee grinders, clacking keyboards, and murmured conversations. “What brings you here?”

Ava latched onto the question before she could overthink it, “I work a block over, thought I’d try this place out during my break.” She mostly sent Gary to get her coffee when she needed a break from him, but had decided she needed a break from being cooped up in her office. She went here because it seemed nicer than the Starbucks next door to the courthouse.

“Huh, I’ve never seen you before.” Sara said and then a flash of panic crossed her face, “Here, I’ve never seen you here before.”

Ava bit her lips to keep from laughing, “I just got assigned to that courthouse, hence the whole moving thing. And usually Gary gets my coffee and there’s a lot of different ones to try.”

“Right,” Sara nodded, “I work at the gym across the street.”

Ava filed that information away. She’d wondered about Sara’s job, with its extremely bizarre hours and loud music. Ava’s name was called and Ava rushed to grab her coffee and checked the time. She would normally go straight back to the office, but there was no reason she couldn’t linger.

“You can join me,” Ava said as she reached Sara again, “If you want. I don’t want to keep you.” 

Ava hurried to one of the open tables by the window.

It’s just past 10:30, the coffee shop was busy but not packed. It was filled with adults in business clothes hunched over their laptops, retirees, and, what Ava guessed were college students, who had books and papers strewn out on a couple tables. She took a sip of her latte and winced at the temperature, staring out the window instead of seeing if Sara would follow her.

It’s fine if she doesn’t, it’s not like they’re friends. Since the Halloween party, they’d only exchanged stilted greetings in the hallway. Which was better than the alternative.

Ava slid out her phone, just to double check that there’s no emergency. Zero notifications stared up at her.

“Hi,” Sara sat across from her

“Hi.”

They both sip their coffees, Sara wincing at the temperature of hers.

“So” Sara nodded.

“So.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a public defender.” Ava almost sighed in relief.

“Oh, that, uh, makes sense. I guess.” Ava quirked an eyebrow and Sara kept talking, “My sister’s a prosecutor.”

“Really?” Ava wracked her mind for another Lance. Of course, not everyone was in criminal law. And, Ava supposed, her sister could have changed her name through marriage or something. Not that Ava would give up her last name professionally for anything. She went through law school not whoever (if there ever was) her future spouse. “What law?”

“She lives in Star City,” Sara shrugged, “Assistant DA.”

“Oh wow, that’s very impressive, if my sworn rival.”

Sara laughed, throwing her head back with a grin.

“I’m sure she’d say the same about me,” Ava defended.

“I don’t know,” Sara said, “She used to work with CNRI, so she has some empathy for the whole public defender side.”

“No way, I’ve heard of them,” Ava said, “They do a lot of good work.”

“Yeah.”

They both fall into silence and sip their coffee.

“So, what do you do? You said you work at the gym?”

Sara brightened, “I’m a personal trainer and,” she cut herself off.

“And?”

“Other fitness stuff, you know, help people work out and find routines that work with them.”

“Oh, cool.”

“I actually got a new client today. They hired me because they couldn’t advance on their lifts, so I had them show me their form, just with the bar, and oh my god it was terrible,” Sara laughed. “I don’t know how they hadn’t hurt themselves, all bent over with their spine begging to snap. I think I scared half the dudes working out just getting them to stop.”

Ava let out a laugh, “I would have paid money to see that.”

Sara gave her a bright grin that had Ava swallowing down the wrong pipe.

“I’m fine,” Ava said as Sara leaned over with concern in her eyes. She knew her cheeks were flushed red, but at least she could blame that on coughing. Ava’s phone dinged and she let out a sigh, seeing a text from Gary wondering where she was.

Ava stood, “Duty calls, but, um, it was good to see you.”

“Good to see you too.”

Ava paused, trying to figure out if she should say anything else, but then hurried out with a wave as her phone dinged again.

“I thought you were only here because Ray wanted to show you the rooftop.” Ava said from her doorway. She’d been shocked when knocking had started on her door after a relatively sedate evening.

“That’s why I came over, yes,” Nora said, a faint blush on her cheeks, “But that doesn’t stop me from visiting my dearest friend, who, mind you, I noticed hasn’t ranted about her obnoxious neighbor in days. So, I’m curious.”

“There’s nothing to be curious about,” Ava defended, “We buried the hatchet at the Halloween party while you were too busy making eyes at Ray.”

Ava doesn’t really want to discuss that they were past neighbor acquaintances that seemed to only know how to needle each other, and were now, well Ava wasn���t exactly sure. The coffeeshop they’d bumped into each other at had become Ava’s favorite, and she’s started walking there almost daily. She’d see Sara most Mondays and Tuesdays. They’d started habitually grabbing a seat for the other, sometimes they’d talk, sometimes Ava would read through files or emails while she assumed Sara did the same on her phone. She’d learned that Sara was a dog person, a master of mixed martial arts, had completed a marathon on a bet and then swore to never run one again, and had met Zari and Amaya at college.

Sitting across from her had become one of her favorite ways to ward off headaches from arguing prosecutors or clients who couldn’t understand that a plea deal was their best option.

Nora’s eyes narrowed, “Is that so?”

“You don’t have to believe me,” Ava said, “But it’s true.”

“I’ll never believe you,” Nora said, “You’re a lawyer.”

“Okay, just because that one time in mafia when-”

“Don’t try to justify your betrayal!” Nora yelled. “You promised me!”

“Nora, that was two years ago!”

“It still doesn’t make up for what you did! You dragged me along just to laugh at my suffering!”

“Hey?” Sara stepped out of her apartment dressed in just tiny shorts and a sports bra, “You guys good?”

“We’re great,” Ava said quickly, “Nora was just on her way to Ray’s.”

“Oh,” Sara’s eyes danced with amusement, “Enjoy the rooftop.”

Nora looked between the two of them, her eyes narrowing. “I’m going to have a fantastic time. And I’m watching you.” She pointed at her eyes and then at Ava with a furrowed brow.

Ava sighed as Nora trotted out of the hallway and towards the stairs. 

“What’s with her?” Sara asked.

Ava laughed and mumbled, “She’ll never forgive me for that stupid mafia game.”

Sara tilted her head in confusion, “Mafia game?”

“Long story,” Ava started to close the door, “Enjoy your run!”

The door slammed behind her and Ava leaned against it, her cheeks blazing pink.

---

“That was very polite of you,” Zari laughed as she fiddled with the overlay on her computer. Sara’s doing light stretches as she prepares for a workout video, wearing an outfit that can only be described as a thirst trap. Her abs are on full display and Zari isn’t prideful enough to not admit that she’s a little jealous.

Not of the work that Sara does, no Zari is very happy sitting behind the camera while Sara does burpees and flutter kicks and other terrible looking exercises. And she knows that she has a good body, one albiet that will never measure up to the muscle tone Sara has or the confidence in what photos and videos they post on the internet that are there forever. She could practically see the comments, the ones that still pop up on Sara’s photos and videos (despite Zari staring at them in absolute confusion). She’d probably look like a beached whale.

“Huh?”

Zari gestures towards the door, which Sara had just shut. “With Ava? Our neighbor I thought you hated?”

“I never hated her!”

“Do you want me to pull up the footage?”

Sara huffed and set down her phone, “She needed some flour. We have some.”

“That’s it?” Zari questioned.

If Wally wins this, she swears that she will, well, she’s not sure. Sara’s face flushed red and there’s a grin that she does not like the look of at all.

“Sara.” Zari’s eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“I know you’re hiding something, what is it?”

Sara avoided eye contact and then mumbled out something.

“What was that?” Zari asked, “The mics didn’t even pick it up.”

Sara sighed, “Fine, so, we have coffee together.”

Zari frowned, momentarily baffled. “Like regularly?”

“Yeah.” Sara said , “At that place by the gym you hate, Ava works close to there and we ran into each other there. And so, if we see each other we sit together.”

“Ran into each other? When?”

“Like two weeks ago?” Sara shrugged, “And we both have our breaks at the same time, so we’ve been taking them together. When I’m there at least.”

Zari smirked, “So you have a standing coffee date with our neighbor that you think is hot.”

“When did I say she was hot?!”

“Halloween.”

“Damn it,” Sara sighed, “Yeah, whatever, sure. It’s just because I think she’s hot, not that we’re friends now.”

“Friends?! You’ve become friends!” Zari didn’t bother to hide the delight on her face.

“Is that so bad?”

“No, no, of course not,” Zari nodded, “That’s all you are, after all.”

“Yes,” Sara said, “Obviously.”

“Obviously.” Zari rolled her eyes. “I’m ready when you are.”

Sara jumped up, “Okay, let’s go.”

we’re all going to hell and we’re gonna like it

Zari: i swear to god

Zari: if you win wally

Zari: i’ll, i don’t know

Wally: 👀

Nate: wally i respect your W

Mick: youre an idiot pretty

Mick just because Zari thinks shes seeing something doesnt mean its there

Nate: can i add a bet for three days from now???

Zari: if you want to lose more money go ahead

Ray: nate you’ve already put in three other bets and lost

Nate: but i’m gonna win

Nate: this time i know its happening

Snart: you can add it as long as you aren’t within five days of anyone else

Snart: those are the rules

Nate: <picture of nate handing money to Ray>

Ray: i’ve put you down

Nate: take that suckers

Jax: nate, my bro, you are an idiot

Zari watched Sara and Ava talk to each other from across Ray and Nate’s apartment. Nate came up beside her and huffed, “Have they hooked up yet?”

“No,” Zari answered, “You think you wouldn’t know?”

To no one’s surprise (except Wally’s and Nate’s), there still hadn’t been sparks at Friendsgiving. Ava almost hadn’t gone, and only relented when Ray had told her to bring Nora, which, if that wasn’t something Zari was also tracking. Not betting on, Ray would go at his own pace, even if it confused the hell out of everyone else.

Zari could barely move and was debating falling asleep on her spot on the couch. So far, Sara and Ava had been nothing but perfectly polite, thankfully unaware that half the table was tracking their movements like a hawk.

“Great,” Nate sighed, “I don’t even know when they’d get together now. Why haven’t they yet? I totally lost.”

“You think?” Mick grunted.

“What’s stopping them?” Nate asked.

“They look really cozy together,” Ray added.

Nora wandered over just in time to hear Ray’s sentence, “Who looks cozy together?”

Ray freezed and Zari rolled her eyes, “Ava and Sara.”

She wasn’t sure she’d call it cozy, but they were sitting next to each other and talking, at one point Sara had even shown Ava something on her phone. “I’m never going to win the bet,” Nate whined.

“Because you thought they’d immediately jump each other,” Zari said, “Which I told you wouldn’t happen.”

“A bet?” Nora asked.

“Oh fuck,” Zari muttered.

“Um,” Ray swallowed and stared at the group. No one tried to help him, “We might have bet when Sara and Ava would, um get together.”

Nora looked at his scared expression and laughed, “That’s hilarious, what’s everyone’s guesses?”

Ray dug out his phone and scrolled to his note, “Nate’s guessed a number of times already, we play price is right rules.” Nora nodded as she read through the names and dates.

“Put me down for Christmas.”

“Christmas?” Zari repeated. With Sara’s birthday it was hardly a great choice, she usually went home for the holidays, but hey, if Nora wanted to give her a free $50 she wouldn’t stop her.

“It’s a $50 entry fee,” Mick grunted. “Haircut keeps track of everything.”

Nora pulled out some cash, “I’m in.”

we’re going to hell and we’re gonna like it

zari added Nora Darhk

zari: she picked christmas

jax: ouch

nora: why ouch???

jax: it’s sara’s birthday, and she goes home for an extended break usually

nora: RAY!!!

ray: i couldn’t interfere!!

ray: besides i have my own bet :)

---

Sara cursed Zari not for the first time when she saw Ava. She had glasses on, and was surrounded by some papers laid out on what had become their usual table at the coffee shop. She looked cute, squinting at some paper that Sara was sure would give herself a headache if she tried to read the first paragraph.

Ever since Zari had cornered her about finding Ava hot, Sara hadn’t been able to get it out of her head. Objectively, Ava was attractive. She was tall with gorgeous hair and somehow managed to make a pant suit look good. Sara had known that the first time she’d seen her. Most of her friends were attractive people

But she did not have a crush on her.

That was absolutely, under any circumstance, never happening.

Ava swept the papers together as Sara approached, “Hi.” A smile blossomed on her face and Sara unwittingly smiled back.

“Hey,” Sara said, her voice soft, “I didn’t know you wear glasses.”

Ava blinked for a couple moments, “Oh, right, these. There just for reading,” She blushed and folded them off their face, “I swear some prosecutors think they’ll get away with stuff if they make the font really small.” She shoved the papers into a folder, organizing them into a neat stack.

Sara took her seat and just smiled at Ava for a moment. 

“Do you want to come to the New Year’s party we host? It’s all fancy and up on the roof,” Sara asked before she realized the words were coming out of her mouth.

“Oh, um, sure.” Ava blinked. “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Sara took a sip of her coffee. Zari was going to kill her. She still hadn’t told Ava about the channel, and it was beginning to feel too late. Plus, will all the little clips of Sara talking about her that Zari had put at the end of videos, she was pretty sure that Ava could put it together who she was talking about.

Of course the last one had her muttering about Ava being attractive.

But New Year’s was their version of rewind, where Zari organized a video of everyone’s biggest accomplishments. And now Sara needed to convince her to not show it at New Year’s. She already knew that Zari had most of the footage prepared already.

“It’ll be great,” Sara’s voice creaked.

Stupid crush.

Fuck.

Sara peered over Zari’s shoulder as she took a sip of water. “What’s this?” Sara asked as it danced between footage of Mick setting something on fire and Ray zapping himself with some electronic piece.

“The recap video,” Zari answered as she went between the transition keyframes. “Which, about the party-”

“I invited Ava,” Sara blurted out.

Zari spun around, “What?”

“It just came out. One second I was staring at her and the next thing I knew I was asking her.” Sara said, “That’s okay, right? The others won’t be mad?”

“Definitely not,” Zari grinned.

Sara frowned at her, “Okay.”

“Ray already asked to tweak the timing a bit. So we’ll show the video earlier.”

“Okay,” Sara sighed, “Because, um, I still haven’t told her yet.”

“Why not?” Zari asked, “What’s the big deal? You make videos for a living?”

“And she’s a lawyer.”

“Do you think she’s a snob? She already willingly spends time with you.”

Sara rolled her eyes, “People get different about it? Okay?”

Zari wisely held her tongue. None of them had seen Gwen coming. Sometimes Sara still wasn’t sure that that whirlwind actually happened.

“Sara, Ava’s not going to do that. Okay? Does she strike you as someone who would willingly sit in front of a camera and spill her guts? And lie about everything on top of that for some clout? You said it yourself, she’s a lawyer, not a mostly failed influencer whose only marketable skill is public speaking and lying.”

“Ava’s is good a public speaker, right?” Sara furrowed her brow. That’s half of what lawyers did. 

“No one watches courthouse proceedings,” Zari rolled her eyes. 

“It just feels too late now,” Sara said, “How would it even come up? We’ve been talking for months now.”

“You’re totally overthinking this,” Zari said, “But she might have some questions with the decor at the party. I don’t think she lives under a rock that she doesn’t know what the youtube logo looks like.”

“Oh no,” Sara said, “I hadn’t even thought of that.” 

Zari smirked and turned back around to the video, and Sara gripped her hands together as a thousand thoughts raced through her mind. Her mouth dropped open as Zari put on her bulky headphones even though Sara knew she wasn’t working on audio yet. The waterbottle cap shot off in Sara’s hands as the plastic crumpled.

“Hey!” Zari said, “Get the water away from here!”

In a trance Sara left and cleaned it up as her heart pattered a thousand miles an hour.

“Thank you for coming,” Sara said softly.

“What?” Ava asked as the bass thrummed around them.

“Uh, thanks for coming!” Sara yelled back.

“Thanks for inviting me! This is,” She waved at the rooftop, “Nice.”

A couple heaters blazed nearby to ensure it wasn’t freezing and Mick was already lighting various things on fire in the firepit. The color theme was still red and white, but Sara had carefully hid most of the actual youtube logos so they were in spots that Ava likely wouldn’t mill around in. 

Nate was currently blasting a playlist through the speakers. When Behrad arrived they’d need to remedy that.

They’d screened the video already, Sara and Ray both bouncing as they watched it, and then, getting choked up as they saw it. Zari was something else when it came to editing. She’d included a bit where Sara ranted about Ava, and Sara could feel her cheeks turn bright red as everyone laughed.

“Thanks,” Sara nodded.

“You did this?” Ava asked.

“It was a team effort,” Sara said quickly, “But I was a part of the team.”

“She’s the captain,” Nate said as he hurried past with two drinks. They stared at him in surprise. “I wasn’t here.”

“Um,” Sara coughed, caught up in Ava’s gaze. She looked beautiful wearing a gorgeous long-sleeved blue dress that brought out her eyes. Sara loved the red pantsuit that she was wearing, but she was realizing she hadn’t really thought through the whole no sleeves thing.

The song abruptly changed, (was this Celine Dion? What the hell Nate?), and Sara suddenly realized that they’d just been staring at each other.

“Um.”

“Drinks,” Ava asked, “Are there drinks?”

“Drinks!” Sara nodded, “Yes, let’s get you something.”

She quickly turned and led Ava to the bar, passing Zari who gave her a unsubtle thumbs up. Sara tried to discreetly flip her off, but caught Ava’s eyes dancing in amusement. Why were all her friends the worst at playing wingman?

“So,” Sara swept over, “We’ve got liquor, beer, champagne? Help yourself.”

Ava poured herself a glass of champagne, “I can’t believe you didn’t let me bring anything. This is, amazing.”

String lights were draped over the whole patio, giving everything a warm, magical feel, even if there was a distinct chill in the air. Sara took a heavy sip of her own drink.

“You’re newish,” Sara shrugged, “We’re all good, we’ve been doing this for years. We have everything hammered out for who brings what.”

“And next year?” Ava asked, “I definitely won’t be new then.”

“Will you survive that long?” Sara asked, “I heard your neighbor’s a bitch.”

“She’s grown on me.” Ava smiled at her.

“Yeah,” Sara croaked out at a loss for words. Did Ava know the power of her smile? She could light up the whole damn city. Were they too close?

“Hey Cap,” Sara flinched back as Behrad came up beside him.

“Behrad,” Sara nodded, “Please go rescue the aux from Nate.”

“Already did,” He said, “And this is?”

“Ava,” Sara said, “She moved in across from me.”

“Oh, that Ava.” Behrad winked at her.

Sara stared at him, “There’s only one.”

Behrad nudged her, “Yeah.”

“Oh, Nora’s here,” Ava cut in to whatever Behrad was doing, “Nice meeting you Behrad, and see you both around. Thanks again for inviting me.”

“Of course,” Sara raised her glass and when Ava was striding away hit Behrad on the shoulder, “What the hell dude? Why were you so weird?”

“I wasn’t weird.”

“You were,” Sara downed her drink and poured herself another. “Whatever, enjoy the party.”

“You too,” Behrad winked at her.

Sara groaned as she walked away.

“One minute!” Ray yelled over the crowd, “We’ve got a minute!”

The room shuffled as everyone tried to find a partner, and Sara watched as Ray unsubtly slid next to Nora and she shared a smirk with Nate. Her eyes skittered across the rest of the crowd, trying to find Ava. Except, would that be weird?

They were friends. That was it. And maybe, just maybe, Sara had developed some inconvenient feelings. Would it be shitty to kiss her when Ava didn’t know? Stupid fucking crush, any other year she wouldn’t think twice about kissing her new hot friend.

“Hello, love.”

Sara’s mind reeled to a stop, and she stared at John Constantine. “John.” 

“I noticed you were standing here alone,” He grinned.

Sara opened her mouth and closed it. “I’m, uh-” She tried to find Ava in the crowd again, “Yeah, I’m here alone.”

“Are you sure?”

Sara nodded as everyone started yelling, following along with Ray who was tracking the countdown with his atomic watch.

“Three! Two! One!”

Cries of “Happy New Year!” surrounded them, and Sara kissed John, holding tight onto his lapels. They broke apart, grinning at each other, and fireworks exploded in the air around them.

Her eyes skated over his shoulder and saw, standing stiffly in the corner, was Ava.

“No, the other left.” Zari commanded.

Sara rolled her eyes as she shifted the light over, “Good?”

“Good,” Zari nodded.

“I swear you just like to boss me around, it looks the exact same.”

“There’s a reason I’m the editor and producer.”

Nate laughed from his armchair, “It’s a good look on you Sara.”

“Shut up,” Sara rolled her eyes.

“So I noticed that you didn’t introduce our new neighbor to your mouth at New Years,” Nate continued.

“You noticed? Ew.” Sara made an exaggerated shudder.

“Sara won’t talk about it.” Zari added unhelpfully, “Though why do you know?”

“You didn’t notice because you and Amaya were in your own dark corner. You started before it was even New Years.”

Sara laughed and once she recovered, asked, “Were you just watching everyone?”

“I’m unattached, and I’ve kissed everyone before. Knew I wasn’t going to be missing out,” Nate shrugged.

“Ew.”

He pointed at her, “I’ll never forget New Year’s 2012.” He blew her a kiss that had Sara rolling her eyes.

“I wish I could.”

“Anyway,” Nate said, ”What’s the big deal? Ray didn’t kiss Nora either.”

“He didn’t?!” Sara gasped.

“Yeah,” Nate chuckled, “He was about to and then totally freaked out. Said something about the soda being shaken and left her standing there.”

“Ray!” Sara laughed.

Zari frowned at her, “How did you miss that? I knew about that.”

“Obviously she was too focused on Ava disappearing.” Nate said the last word with finger quotes.

“She did!” Sara said. They’d looked at each other and Sara had looked back at John as he made some stupid joke, and when she looked back, Ava was gone.

“I’m pretty sure she just went to the bathroom.” Nate said.

“I didn’t see her again the whole night!”

“So she was probably avoiding you.” Nate shrugged, “You kiss someone and then stare at her? That’s pretty weird.”

“How do you know that?”

Nate tapped his temple, “I see all.”

“Gross,” Zari muttered under her breath.

“Also,” Nate said, “Like an hour later after you had too many shots and I was helping you get back to your apartment you ranted about it all to me.”

“Oh,” Sara swallowed. She did not remember that. She remembered shots, and dancing, and singing loudly to a song with Zari and Amaya, but she’d figured that was all. Any other recollections weren’t worth the effort with the pounding headache she had this morning.

“As entertaining as this is,” Zari drawled, “I’m ready. You good Nate?”

“I’m good.”

“Sara sit down and shut up.” Zari said, even though Sara hadn’t said anything.

Sara slumped down in her seat and made a face, but was quiet as Nate began to read his script for the next Hero Moments video.

“Hey,” Sara felt her shoulders relax as she saw Ava sitting at their usual table. She’d spent too long last night convincing herself that Ava wouldn’t show up. They hadn’t seen each other since the New Year’s party, and their coffee da-meetings were unofficial, not planned or confirmed until  they were both in the coffeeshop. 

Even if Sara and Ava had sat across from each other every Tuesday like clockwork.

She’d itched to text Ava to see if she’d be there, and had only been held back by Zari laughing at her to, “Ask her out on a date already.”

“Hi,” Ava answered, face contorted in a scowl, as she looked at her phone.

“Everything good?”

“Yeah,” Ava nodded, “It’s fine. How are you?”

“Good.” Sara nodded.

Silence hung between them, and Sara fought to keep a scowl of her own face. Why was this so awkward?

“Did you have a good time at the party?” Sara asked.

“Oh, um, yeah.” Ava brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You did?” Sara let out a big sigh of relief. Ava frowned and Sara found herself continuing talking, “I didn’t mean to ditch you, not that I ditched you, but was busy doing some stuff. Organizing, you know. I kinda lost track of you near the end.”

“Sara, it’s okay,” Ava said. “It’s not like I didn’t know anyone at the party, I didn’t need you to hold my hand.”

“Right, right,” Sara nodded and took a long sip of her coffee. She’d give a lot for it to be whiskey. Her skin felt like it was crawling. Was she turning into her father?

“Why do you say that?”

Sara stared at her with wide eyes before realizing she must have said the last bit out loud. 

Ava just gave a quizzical look when Sara didn’t say anything.

It came forth like a geyser, “He’s a recovered alcoholic, though I’m not sure if you ever really recover? I don’t know how that works actually. He’s sober! Has been for years. I was mostly away when it was really bad, but Laurel was there. And yeah.” Sara suddenly stopped talking and took a drink before her mind caught up with her mouth.

“Not that I think I have an alcohol problem, just that it’s always in the back of my mind, you know? Like just because I don’t think I have an issue, doesn’t mean I don’t. Or will. I guess? And like I look back and am like, is this why my parents got divorced? But like, I only heard about it after they were divorced, so I don’t think he had a problem when they were married, but what would I know? They don’t really talk about why they broke up and do I really want to know all the details? And am I doomed to make the same mistakes because I have a problem I didn’t realize?”

Ava took her hand, “I’m here if you need someone to make you accountable or anything. I know you have Zari and Amaya, but I can be the bitch who sorts you out and pours out everything and hides it all. I’ve been told I’m very good at lying if the situation calls for it.”

Sara smiled, “Thanks, I think I’m good right now. I didn’t mean to dump that all on you. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ava said, “We’re friends.”

“It’s hard because sometimes when I’m around him I feel like I need to watch out for him like some mockery of a parent relationship. And I don’t, I think, cause he’s been good for years.” Sara took another sip, “Anyway, um, how are you parents?”

Ava snorted, “Sorry, it’s just, complicated. In a different way than yours.” She let out a big sigh and rubbed the back of her head.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s, I came out in college and they took it, bad? I guess?”

“How so?”

“They didn’t disown me or anything, they still helped me with paying for school, but they never acknowledged it. It wasn’t like they were trying to set me up with guys, not that they really did anything like that before, but it was like I suddenly became sexless to them. No interest in who I could be dating or if I was. No discussions about any of my friends. And the distance just kept growing and growing and now I talk to them like twice a year.” Ava twiddled with her cup.

“That sucks,” Sara said.

“It feels dumb to complain about that when there’s so many worse ways it could go.”

“No, don’t say that,” Sara took one of Ava’s hands and stilled the nervous twitching as she stroked tiny circles with her thumb on the back of Ava’s hand, “It sucks, and it’s a totally different kind of pain than an immediate break. You can’t really compare the two, or who has it worse.”

“I should hav-”

“Hey, you don’t owe them anything, okay? They brought you into this world and they chose this distance,” Ava’s mouth opened and Sara continued on, “And so what if you aren’t exactly reaching out? Can you sit there and tell me they didn’t cause you misery by their choices? You don’t owe them anything to try and cling to something they’ve shown you they don’t really want.”

“It is my fault too.”

Sara stared into Ava’s eyes, “If they’d reciprocated or tried, would you have too?”

Ava sat and sighed. Sara watched as she thought, her brow furrowed and making a crinkle on her forehead. Finally she looked up again and raised her half-empty cup, “To complicated parents.”

“To complicated parents.” Sara nodded as she clinked the cups together.

“So Ray,” Sara sidled up next to him in the mailroom, “I heard a story about you.”

��About me?” He frowned, “Did Nate tell you about putting the potato in the microwave, because-”

“Not that,” Sara held up a hand to stop him. “I was talking about the party.”

“The party? What about the-” He stopped himself as his cheeks flared pink. “Oh, that.”

Sara laughed, “So?”

“So what?”

“Ray, what happened? It’s obvious you two like each other.”

“I panicked! Nora was standing there and I was going to and then everyone was yelling and I just couldn’t.”

“Oh Ray.”

“Hey! It’s not like you’re much better,” Ray said. “You didn’t even talk to Ava at midnight!”

“This isn’t about me!”

“Why not?” Ray said smugly. “Everyone knows you’re totally into her.”

Sara just leveled a look at him.

Ray sighed and stared at his mail, “I just couldn’t stop thinking. I was looking at her and all I could think about was, sure she likes me now, but what about later? She’s beautiful and funny, so what’s she doing with me? You know my track record with relationships, it’s not like any of them ended on happy circumstances.”

Sara laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. She didn’t know Ray when Anna died, but she’d watched the disasters of Felicity and Kendra firsthand. “So you’re just going to sabotage every possible relationship you’ll ever have?”

“No. I just,” He sighed again.

“You should talk to her,” Sara said, “I’m sure she has some similar fears. And, I bet she’s getting some mixed signals from you, so it’s not like she’s going to broach anything.”

“Mixed signals!?”

“Ray, you ditched her at midnight.”

“Oh no.” Ray said and then raced out the room.

“Bye,” Sara laughed to the empty room.

---

“Nora?” Ava opened the door, “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

Ava tried to not fidget in her wrinkled suit and messy hair. Work had been long this week, and showed no signs of slowing down. She had been trying to convince herself that the microwaveable dinner sitting in her freezer sounded appetizing before passing out for the night.

“Does it help that I brought dinner?” Nora held up a bag, “From your favorite Thai spot.”

“I’ll marry you,” Ava guided her in.

Nora laughed and deposited the bag on her table, pulling out of the containers. “Gary mentioned that it’s been a rough week. And I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Ava said, and because she knew what was next, “I’m not trying to dodge your texts.”

“I know, because Gary told me. If he didn’t work with you neither of us would have any idea where you disappear to.” She leveled Ava a look.

“Sorry,” Ava said sheepishly.

“All I ask, and that you text me once a week so I know you’re alive.”

“I haven’t missed a whole week!”

“Not yet,” Nora said.

Ava moaned as she took her first bite. She closed her eyes and let the flavors wash over her tongue. “Have I mentioned recently you're the greatest friend in the world?”

“Not recently.” Nora grinned.

“You’re the greatest friend in the world.”

“Thank you,” Nora preened. She took a tentative bite as Ava inhaled her own food.

“So,” Ava said, “What’s up?”

“Ray invited me for coffee.”

“Oh are we talking to Ray again?”

Nora blushed, ducking her head to look at her fingernails, “He asked me out.”

“Oh thank god.” Ava said.

Nora laughed, “Yes, we talked about some things and then he asked me out. I’m excited, he’s taking me out tomorrow night.”

“You should be excited.” Ava grinned and tried not to think about the state of her own love life. She thought Sara and her were going somewhere, but now it felt like it’s all in her head. “You’ll have to tell me how it goes.”

“You just have to answer your texts.” Nora leveled a stare.

Ava laughed, “Okay, okay, fair enough. I promise, I will be waiting patiently by my phone for minute by minute updates.”

“You’ll be lucky if I give you hour by hour updates.”

“Nora, how will I survive?”

“Oh shut up,” Nora said.

Ava laughed as she finished the rest of dinner. “Did you find out about his mysterious job?”

Nora’s eyes widened and she almost spit out her water, “Oh my god! I didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Nora pulled out her phone and slid it to Ava.

Ray was sitting in front of his desk with several electronic pieces around him. Ava recognized a soldering iron, a circuit board, and wires, but the rest was unknown to her. She watched as the camera switched to his hands and he accidentally zapped himself.

Her brow furrowed as she looked back up, “Um? This is just him fiddling with electronics? Is he an electrician?”

“Look at the views.”

Ava scrolled down and felt her mouth drop open, “2.3 million?! What! How?”

Nora nodded, “This is his job, he has hundreds of these. Most of them have over a million views and he always seems to zap himself. There’s a whole subchannel that compiles all the times he almost dies.”

Ava handed over the phone wordlessly. “He makes online videos?”

“Yeah,” Nora tapped a couple things, “Look at this.”

The phone screen now showed Sara Lance, wearing a tiny sports bra and shorts that seemed to be spray painted on, doing burpees. Ava felt her mouth drop open.

“Yep.” Nora said contently.

Ava watched the video until it ended and the phone shook as she handed it back. “Um.”

“Her channel name is White Canary.” Nora said as she stood and began packing up the bag.

“Right.”

“Apparently most of the building are youtubers,” Nora said. “That’s how they know each other.”

“I thought Sara worked at a gym?” Ava said. Her brain felt like it was moving through molasses.

“I think she does, but part-time.”

Ava blinked and the image of Sara smirking, with a faint sheen of sweat making her body glow filled her mind. She swallowed heavily.

“I’ll let you peruse.” Nora said.

“I’m not going to peruse!” Ava said hotly.

Nora lifted an eyebrow. “I’ll text you tomorrow about outfits so you better respond.”

“I’ll respond!”

Ava twiddled with her cup nervously, wondering if Sara would walk in and know. Just see it on her face that Ava had spent way too long watching her do various exercises in clothes that left just enough for Ava’s imagination. Ava wouldn’t ever tell Nora how long she spent watching through them or how many she’d watched. It had been like being sucked into a trance.

Sara was objectively hot.

She’d known this.

But she hadn’t known that Sara was way sexier than she’d ever imagined. And that she let the entire world see with publicly accessible videos. The only thing that eased Ava’s twinkling guilt was that half the comments seemed to be other lesbians drooling over Sara. Ava at least had the dignity to keep her thoughts to herself.

clexalives324: sara could step on me and i’d say thank you

kat_lee: does she know that none of us do the workouts and just watch it for her

itsjes444: i want to lick her abs so bad

tothequeers: can you hate and love a mysterious neighbor? asking for a friend

There was one thing that puzzled her about it all though.

Sara slid into the seat across from her, “Hi.”

“What’s with the neighbor thing?”

“Um?”

“Sorry,” Ava blushed, trying to still her nervous hands. “It’s just I don’t really get it and obviously we’re neighbors but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Neighbor thing?” Sara’s brow furrowed. “I’m totally lost.”

Oh right. Ava stared into her coffee as she mustered up the right words, “Nora showed me your YouTube channel,”

Sara sputtered, “What?”

“White Canary?” Ava said, “That is you right? Not some identical twin that has the same name?”

A flush of red flashed across Sara’s cheeks, “No, yeah, that’s me. Sorry for not telling you-”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Ava waved her hand away. It wasn’t like Sara had spent hours staring at her friend's body and having very dirty thoughts. And then found a couple favorites and rewatched those late into the night. “I’m sorry if it was private and Nora wasn’t supposed to show me. I can pretend to forget?”

“No, no, don’t do that. It’s just,” Sara shrugged, “I don’t know, a little embarrassing? I mean you have a law degree and I make internet videos of me doing pushups.”

“Embarrassing?” Ava barely kept herself from laughing, “Not to me. If anything it’s inspiring with how much work you put in.” For working out and, other things. “I just, the neighbor thing, I keep seeing mentions of it and little things here and there but I feel like I’m totally missing something.”

She needed to know.

“Oh,” Sara’s face turned fully red, “That. So you’ve probably seen at the end of videos how Zari always likes to insert random slice of life clips. Like bloopers and stuff from when we were filming, and I may have ranted about, um, you a lot.”

“About me?” Ava asked, her heart beating a million miles a minute. “I’m the neighbor?”

Sara nodded her head.

“Oh.” Ava said, feeling her own face heat up.

“I can get Zari to take down any references-”

“No, no,” Ava said as her thoughts raced. “As long as my name isn’t in it I don’t care. I highly doubt anyone at my office watches your videos. Not to be mean, I mean,” Ava winced, “I-”

“It’s okay,” Sara gave a little smile. “I understand.”

“Good.” Ava said and looked at her empty coffee cup, trying to think of anything. Her phone let out a series of beeps and Ava sighed, “I have to go.” This week was turning out busier than last’s.

“Okay.” Sara nodded.

With one last look, Ava got up and exited the coffeeshop.

Ava yawned as she dragged herself up the stairs. The marathon of work wasn’t finished, but she had finally broken through the wall. Tomorrow, she could sleep in. And Monday? She could leave on time. 

She hadn’t seen anyone this week but her clients and coworkers. She’d dutifully texted back Nora on the few breaks she got, to hear about the blossoming relationship between her and Ray. She wanted to go to the coffee shop, but she was simply too busy to leave the office that long. Gary had fetched her coffee twice, and with some subtle prodding, he insisted that he hadn’t seen Sara.

At home, she’d barely dragged herself to her bed most nights (and she wasn’t going to talk about Wednesday, when she woke up with the creases from her couch that didn’t fade for a whole hour).

Her stomach growled at her and Ava prayed the takeout she ordered was already waiting at her door. She staggered up the last step and blinked several times as she entered the hallway. Was that?

Zari was pounding on her door, “I know you’re in here Ava! I grabbed the food from the delivery guy! You have to come out!”

“Um,” Ava said.

Zari wheeled around and clutched her chest, “Ava!”

“Yeah.” Ava said. “I’m here.”

“Oh,” Zari looked down at the bag she was holding. “Here.”

Ava took it and nodded, feeling her head throb as she fumbled with her keys, “What’s the emergency?”

Zari opened and closed her mouth a couple times before a look of determination came over her, “Look, Ava. I liked you?”

“Liked me?”

“Can we talk inside?”

Ava got her door open and wished she hadn’t. Her garbage was overflowing with takeout containers, mail scattered all over the table, dishes overflowing in the sink, and there was a pile of clothes on her couch that she needed to take to the dry cleaners. Zari looked at her expectantly and Ava winced, “Sure. Sorry about the mess.”

Zari waved her off as she walked in.

Ava gave a light smile as she placed the bag onto her table, brushing a pile of mail away, “So, what is it?”

Zari crossed her arms, “Why are you ignoring Sara?”

“What?”

“All this week,” Zari said, “You haven’t seen her once.”

“So? I’ve been busy, not ignoring her.” Ava crossed her own arms.

“You haven’t answered her texts. You’ve missed your little coffee dates. I’d call that ignoring her.” 

“Did she send you here?”

“No! She’s my friend, and I know you learned about the videos. Seems very coincidental that all of the sudden you can’t make time for her. Are you that mad about being mentioned in them? I’m the editor, it’s on me! Don’t take it out on Sara.”

Ava pinched the bridge of her nose, “Zari, I’m not ignoring Sara.”

Zari clenched her fists by her face like she was imagining shaking Ava. “So what are you doing?”

Ava gestured at herself and at the apartment, “Work has been insane. The only friendly face I’ve seen this week is Gary.” She stared at Zari and repeated, “Gary. I’ve barely had time to message Nora back about everything going on with Ray. I’ve been working, eating, and passing out each night.”

Zari looked around as if the mess was registering on her for the first time, “Oh.”

“Look the videos are kinda funny.” Ava felt a blush spread on her cheeks, thinking about how Sara’s rants about her neighbor had turned from being annoyed to talking about her being frustratingly hot. “And I’m not trying to ignore anyone or make them feel ignored, I’m just exhausted. I’m sure I look terrible right now, I’m running on like five cups of espresso and a courthouse sandwich.”

“You do.”

“Okay, you didn’t have to say it.”

Zari shrugged as if to say, sorry, not sorry. “I just, I hate to see my best friend suffering like this, okay? Thinking the girl she likes hates her.”

“I don’t hate her.”

“I know, but look at it from Sara’s view. You randomly ghost her after you find out she ranted about you online?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Zari said, “And Sara’s in no state to confront you.”

“Is she okay?”

Zari bit her lip, “She’s, you know,”

“I know?”

“She’s a bit heartbroken,” Zari winced, “I said it, okay? She likes you and thinks you don’t like her back and is embarrassed and sad.”

“Oh.” Ava felt her heart drop and her ears buzz.

“Yeah, so just talk to her okay?”

Ava nodded unconsciously. Sara was heartbroken? Because of her? But, that, what?

“I’ll let you eat and sleep,” Zari said, “Sorry for bursting in and being kinda of a bitch, but only a little bit.”

Ava nodded, barely registering the click of the door behind her.

Heartbroken about her?

---

A loud rapping on the door interrupted Sara from the monologue she was half-heartedly going through. She frowned at the door, all the Legends knew this was their designated filming time, and it wasn’t like Sara or Zari would have told any of them it was canceled.

Unless Zari truly had that little faith in her.

“Just answer,” Zari said when the banging came again as she fiddled with her computer, some expression that looked like a cross between a smirk and a manic grin fighting on her face. She clenched and unclenched her fist nervously and Sara frowned. Why was Zari nervous?

She let out a heavy sigh and twisted around, stomping as she went, and flung open the door. “What?” 

Ava stared right back at her, and both of them looked at each other, soaking in the view. It had been 11 days since she’d last seen her. Ava’s hair was down, and it looked like she’d recently showered. An ill fitting t-shirt, and, Sara was shocked to see, sweats made up her outfit.

“Is this a bad time?” Ava asked.

“Ye-”

“Now’s great!” Zari called from further into the living room. Sara turned back and frowned at her, ignoring the thumbs up and gaping grin. What was she so happy about? Now instead of imagining how Ava was going to reject her, she got to witness it live?

“Okay, um,” Ava twisted her hands together, “Hi.”

“Hi.” Sara felt a wave of dread wash back over her. She thought she’d exorcized it this morning when she’d finally showered. So here it was.

“It’s good to see you.”

Sara lifted an eyebrow. She knew she looked like a mess. This close up and it was obvious makeup was caked on for their shoot to cover the bags under eyes and general lack of glow. Despite her shower, her hair was flat and greasy looking, and Sara felt like she’d shrunk two inches in defeat.

Ava peered around, “Look, Sara, I haven’t been ignoring you.”

“Ignoring me?” Sara crossed her arms, “I haven’t noticed that you were gone.”

Ava’s mouth pressed into a thin line and her eyes sparkled with amusement. Sara hoped she couldn’t hear Zari’s snort in the background.

“I saw your texts.” Ava said.

Sara looked down at her feet. “Oh.”

She did her best to keep a wince off her face.

“And listened to your voicemails.”

Sara closed her eyes as embarrassment washed through her. She should have listened to Amaya and let her take her phone away.

“And I missed you too.” Ava laid a gentle hand on Sara’s shoulder.

“You have?” Sara hated the squeak in her voice.

Ava nodded and took a step forward, “Yeah, I missed coffee that is actually fit for human consumption, but I mostly missed you. I only had clients and Gary for company.”

Sara smiled despite herself, “That can be your punishment then.”

Ava smiled, “Yeah, and, um, full transparency, I watched all of your videos.”

Sara felt her mouth drop open and throat dry.

“And I have to say the sentiment, ‘Why is she so hot and I’m so awkward????’ applies the other way too.”

Sara’s mind went blank. Her sluggish brain tried to comprehend what she was saying. Wait. Oh.

Oh.

“Really?” She breathed out as her heart kicked into overtime.

“Really,” Ava nodded. “Does the, um sentiment still stand on your end?”

Sara nodded.

“Good,” Ava said and circled her hands around Sara, resting on her shoulders. Sara grabbed her waist. “I’m going to kiss you now, is that okay?”

Sara nodded again.

Ava stroked her cheek and leaned closer, and suddenly their lips were together. She was dreaming. That was the only explanation. She died and was in heaven. Was this really happening? 

Ava’s lips were softer than she ever imagined and fireworks exploded in Sara’s stomach. As they broke apart, she accidentally let out a sound that was a cross between a sigh and a moan.

“FINALLY!” They jolted from each other as Zari’s voice echoed around them. Sara had completely forgotten she was there.

“Zari!” Sara frowned back at her.

 Zari was doing some terrible dance, “This is going to win me a lot of money.”

“Win you money?!” Sara repeated and noticed the camera was now pointed in their direction.

All the color drained from Zari’s face. “Oh, um, well, you see-”

“She can’t get into my apartment,” Ava commented absentmindedly.

“Oh,” Sara said, a grin breaking out onto her face.

“Hey! Wait, Sara, we haven’t finished th-”

The rest of Zari’s voice was cut off by the two apartment doors closing.

[cyandocs]

Every week, Leon or Grant walk in separately, usually by a couple of minutes. They typically look nervous. Betsy loves serving the both of them, as they're quiet and polite. Really, everyone at the Armistice seems so... Neighborly. They're always making friendly jabs and inside at one another, recognizing each other. Sometimes their humor is dark, but they always offer a good tip and a kind smile.

Today, before Grant orders his coffee alone like usual, Leon comes in early! Bets is immediately aglow. They so rarely get to order together. Their schedules seem to be tenuous. But they always sit together.

"Leon."

"Grant."

The two walk together through the Armistice. Grant hates the cheeky name. It's an inside joke, on the Job. Everybody needs coffee, after all.

"I suppose you've come to discuss the recent events." Leon drawls, looking punchably calm.

"My boss is thrilled by your performance." Grant says sarcastically. "And of course, that only reflects well on me."

"Well, give him my regards!" Leon says, cheery. "Always a good time, making you look good."

Grant hums, cooling his temper. Leon would be somewhat tolerable if he wasn't such a sore winner. In any other situation, Grant would just chalk some stuff up to the Job. But their degree of cat and mouse, competitively choosing different jobs, it makes things personal. Their current employers are also regulars, and all about loyalty.

"If we weren't here..." Grant finally says lowly.

"Pssh. Like this isn't why we both come here." Leon dismissed him.

"Can I get you two something?" Betsy drawls sweetly, pulling the two out of it. Neither had really noticed they were stopped at the counter.

Grant goes bright red and stammers.

"Go on, then, what should we order? Bets is waiting."

"Usuals. Mocha. Hazelnut." Grant spits out bluntly.

"Sizes?"

"...Large." Grant continues. Betsy beams. He's so shy today.

"Aww, you know my usual?" Leon bats his eyelashes.

"He's paying." Grant stabs Leon's shoulder with his thumb. Leon only laughs and pulls out his wallet.

Betsy happily takes their order and tries to eavesdrop on their whisperings at the counter, but she's not too much of a busy body. The Manager likes her for that.

"Here you boys go." Betsy says, handing them out. "Y'all leaving me again today?" She always loves when they have their little chats there, but she knows they're busy boys.

"Unfortunately, my dear." Leon says, apologetically. The two keep up their rapport as they leave. The whole sector is off-limits, really. The Manager has eyes everywhere and they'd rather not piss him off. But most of the time they're out of each other's sight as soon as they leave the door.

Betsy cradles her head on her hands as she relishes in the lazy day, only made better by her two favorites.

They're such a cute couple.

A regular and oblivious person works at a coffee shop not knowing its a place of ceasefire for assassins and mercenaries.

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: The Village Library Demon-Hunting Society by C.M. Waggoner

This is a cozy paranormal mystery that features an amateur sleuth and middle-aged librarian named Sherry Pinkwhistle. The body count keeps rising in her quaint village, and after her lover becomes one of the victims, her cat is possessed by an ancient talking demon, and the villagers start acting strange, she begins to suspect that something supernatural is afoot. And that she might need an exorcist as well as the police.

So, banding together with the new priest, who is not keen on demon possession, as well as an array of village friends, who are an eclectic mix of grieving widow and neighborly busybody, they form the Demon Hunting Society. However, it is up to Sherry to solve the case and rid the town of demons.

If I had to characterize this, I'd say it was a mix of Murder, She Wrote and Miss Marple with a sprinkling of the occult. I thought it worked well as a cozy mystery because of its Stars Hollow-like setting and its quirky, endearing characters, but the supernatural elements felt out of place at times. Almost unnecessary. Granted, I did find the Lord Crowell cat possession to be humorous at times. However, I think I might've preferred the story without the paranormal elements because it would have made for a more seamless narrative.

All in all, though, this was lighthearted and amusing. A perfect read for snug autumn vibes.

Thank you to NetGalley and Berkley for the ARC in exchange for my review.

3/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads

[digitally-imagined]

This one is dedicated to my friend Noodle Genre: Experimental, Jazz, Techno Lyrics:

My friend Noodle, Noodle, Noodle!

Noodle bot Thirty-five Hundred He's the chillest guy Never lies And almost always is online!

Log on. Don't fret I assure you, he ain't no threat. Hold up. Listen here. Let me make his functions clear.

Noodle bot is a friendly guy His bonding cap is set real high To befriend him you needn't apply But he might malfunction if you cry.

Wait. Translate. He'll understand if you let him update. Slow. Be clear. State your intentions he'll be sincere.

Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred is your best choice for a friend Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred I rate him ten out of ten Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred I will always recommend Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred your sadness he'll apprehend

Log on. Don't fret I assure you, he ain't no threat. Hold up. Listen here. Let me make his functions clear.

Noodle bot is the silliest act His humor chip cannot be hacked If you tell a joke you can make him laugh But he may malfunction if it's too abstract.

Wait. Translate. He'll understand if you let him update. Slow. Be clear. State your intentions he'll be sincere.

Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred is your best choice for a friend Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred I rate him ten out of ten Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred I will always recommend Noodle bot Thirty Five Hundred your sadness he'll apprehend

But sir? Sir? What does Noodle-Bot even mean?

Neighborly Open-minded Operative Dedicated to Long-term Encouragement