#need to get this out and get whatever scraps of internet points i can

[mdpthatsme]

Two announcements today. I'm going to ignore the movie news because I honestly have the lowest of low expectations for it.

Project Rene scrapped? Unclear.

They've decided to restore the Sims 4 foundation, Project Olympus, to its original purpose, a multi-player MMO chat room whatever.

The excuse of "we don't want to end 10 years worth of TS4" is total BS and only wants to invoke sentimentality of players as if us older players haven't lived through 4 iterations of the game.

What they really mean is they found out how much money it will cost to run Sims 4 servers and Sims 5 servers and don't want to pay for it. Because the-totally-doesn't-need-the-internet-to-play TS4 shutting down and not giving access to players would have major backlash. Over $1000 for a game you can't play? People would be furious.

So they are sticking with the shaky foundation of TS4 as their generational game with all the horrible brokenness that console players can't get around, that modders have tried to fix, and that they themselves ignore and sweep under the rug because some people are holding onto hope they'll eventually fix it. Meanwhile, they'll distract everyone with new shiny DLCs, that will continue to have no real impact or consequences on gameplay and bring in creators to collaborate with in showmanship that they're "for the players."

TS4 will have multi-player. Big whoop. Majority of players aren't interested as they have said through countless polls and surveys.

TS4 doesn't have:

Open world

The ability to create your own world

Color wheel for all options

Cars

Robbers, real plant sims, zombies

Memories

Consequences

Astrology

Real personalities

And many other things that I don't feel like typing on a phone, but you can add yourself.

Point is, TS4's foundation is very limited. They won't be able to update the real things players want because it's just not possible with Olympus.

But hey, grim reaper expansion pack that will intrigue people for a few weeks before it releases with a ton of bugs that will continue to crumble the foundation and create more issues for the devs to slap a bandaid on.

But that's all I have to say about that.

Edit:

[centrally-unplanned]

I played Needy Streamer Overload, which was a lot of fun, with an asterisk. NSO is a Lifesim Management game for a batshit up-and-coming streamer, where you as her 'boyfriend' allocate her time between streaming, resting, and content inspiration/development to hit 1 million followers. The writing is very on point for actual streams culture;the topics and comments and all that are very true-to-life, while its zany edgecore presentation is hilarious. And the UI is full kino:

Vibes - and also, spoilers, not just a cutesy aesthetic, as the player is not in fact a real person so the digital viewport is ludonarratively cohesive, +1 point.

However, it also pissed me off for specific me reasons!

So, these games tend to go into two buckets. One is the engine builder - managing the lifesim is both involved and The Point of the game. You work hard to optimize and achieve the goal. The second is narrative device - the lifesim elements are more about narrative choice than challenge, and either can't be failed or are trivially cleared. You approach playing those 2 game types differently.

NSO presents itself like the former - its mechanics are pretty involved. Managing Followers, Stress, Affection, & Mental Darkness, all on a clock, while unlocking ~10 different streaming content topic progression trees, its a lot to track. Not saying its crazy hard or anything, but its what you spend your time doing. You will be asking yourself questions like "yes I could have sex with her for the third time this week to lower stress and boost affection so I can burn that affect buildup on the Sexy Stream lvl 2 to sync my highest topic bonus with my streaming streak bonus before I need to end it for a rest cycle, but I can only play that card so many times, is day 13 too early?". That is fun, and where your focus lies. On my first playthrough I tried to hit the 1 million target, barely succeeded, but burned out Ame's stats so much I got a short, pretty-much-failed ending.

So on my second playthrough I tinkered around and stumbled on a soft infinity engine, where I could push Ame's stress to the limit in the opening days to get her follower count to the point where she would unlock "follower milestone celebration" streams that I could bank, that did not increase stress but would count towards a streaming-every-day streak bonus, and never take a rest day to get that bonus insanely high. I got several million followers with low stress, low darkness, I thought I did a good job.

And I got a short, pretty-much-failed ending.

Turns out this game has 30 endings, and the lions share of the long, involved ones are from you completely fucking up. You will get a way more interesting ending if you make Ame-chan overdose on LSD and she trips her way into breaking though the illusion of the internet. You want to raise her darkness high as hell for half of them. You can found a cult, you can induce all sorts of violence against her or others, whatever you want. But the game didn't tell me!!

It instead presented me with a solid optimization puzzle, which I spent like 10 hours doing. I shouldn't have bothered! It doesn't really tell this partially for surprise, but if we are being honest its because they expect you to google it, and they expect you to watch streamers unlock 25 of them after you do 5. Which is how modern games are made, but personally I don't love relying on that. I do think games are at their best when they self-teach a player the right way to engage with it.

But I respect that some people would see the discarded scraps of a tryhard faildaughter that is Ame-chan and immediately push her into doing conspiracy theory streams while smoking weed. I am just not someone you can plunk an engine in front of and expect me not to try to tinker with it. This is 50% on me.

[romandaandromeda]

How Azumanga Daioh tells the difference between the "Old Web" and "Modern Internet"

a content warning for mentions of rape, pedophilia, and ableism (well, better safe than sorry!)

i had an entire thing written before this, but i decided to scrap it for when spacehey comes back online

so, the old web. we know what it is, we know how we see it, geocities, crunchy gifs, flashes and whatever. but have you ever seen the difference between its societies scattered across websites whether it be an imageboard, geocity, or forum against our discorded societies on major social media platforms?

a while back, i had begun watching azumanga daioh as a result of a sudden reinterest in the anime in this decade. this reminded me of how prevalent anime was on the internet as a whole 2 decades ago (and more or less, azumanga's iron grip on anons and lurkers alike), which led me to searching for how different this era was with memes.

memes, or a fad, wasn't very accessible as they are today, while some could be laughed at as an outsider (think awesome face, shoop da whoop, nyan cat, impact font memes), memes outside of the public conscious were mostly inside jokes spawned from forums like something awful or imageboards like 2chan or 4chan.

out of those many, azumanga was one of the more popular ones. think about it, funny teenagers do funny things and combine that with a major love from anime communities, you get things like these:

now what i've noticed about these memes from pre-2010 is their inside joke nature. ask the modern user what a sticky is or why they think osaka is pretending to be a nazi, they wouldn't know or be a bit offput. plus using kaorin's little lesbian crushing on sakaki to project their straight love for sakaki would probably be looked down upon now but that was just normal. if you couldn't handle it then it was either hit the road or deal with it.

you can probably guess that kimura was probably the most relatable character ever in those days, don't even get me started on the normalization of pedophile/rape jokes back then.

now that's fun and all, but how about nowadays? we no longer have a scattered culture, everyone is using one single site for entertainment and posting, and all of the forums and imageboards have been designated a hazard zone as their users have mutated into despicable folks that have been shunned away to the point where they seem more depraved than their past. AKA, they no longer care for relating over a character or talking about a show, they'd rather argue about their nitpicks of a specific character or show and just skulk on what used to be a thriving community. well, nowadays it seems you don't need to be part of a specific community anymore, just see a meme and laugh without any context. with azumanga's revival in interest, this has sort of spawned what i like to call "azumanga autism memes" (TO CLARIFY: I AM AUTISTIC, FEEL FREE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN NAME IF MINE DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT!). as they've mostly just become the most nonsensical and silly images ever, you practically don't need to watch the show to understand because its so disconnected from the source material it's like a cup of coffee, just pick it up and have a taste.

some examples:

notice anything? suddenly, osaka takes the center stage! with exception to the one chiyo image, osaka has become the face of azumanga as the modern internet knows it. compare that to how every character had about the same love through different edits in the old web, and it seems that most people would think that osaka is the main character of azumanga instead of the multiple characters' stories spread through the series. this has seemed to piss off many a gatekeeper, who are mad that this series is only gaining interest because of one character and her vague memes. to which i believe gatekeeping such a building block of the internet like azumanga is like trying to defend an unstable shack, it's useless.

so, what can we tell from the differences between ye olde and the new? to cut to the chase, the old web's fad culture was built from inside jokes outside of the "webcore/y2k-integrated" memes used for aesthetics. and nowadays people have publicized memes to a point where context is thrown from the picture and anyone can enjoy a meme instead of enjoying its source.

which is better? i can't tell you, you don't see much enjoyability and genuine appreciation in editing in today's memes than you did with old fads (you have to make people laugh, lest you be banished to the "reddit" label hell) but the normalization of taboo topics like racism, rape, and ableism should definitely be left behind in the old. it's just personal preference, really.

that's the end of this post, please enjoy kasuga.swf:

[sunshine-zenith]

Aight, I’m invested I guess. Here’s my Far Fetched Probably Inaccurate More Speculation Than A Theory theory for Wish: Magnifico isn’t completely human or a shooting star like the Star we see — he’s either a manifestation of a wish Amaya made or Amaya once used a wish to save his life

Magnifico specifically says “it’s genetic, I got these genes from outer space!” about himself, which is very specific wording — either he’s completely from space, or magic from space warped his genes. He also has a magic book and I can’t think of a reason he would if magic is innate to his very being, down to a genetic level — maybe it belongs to his Not Innately Magic wife?

Amaya is a unique character in Disney canon in that she’s the Major Big Bad’s spouse — most classic Disney villains in their major animated movies are single or widows, while Amaya is very much alive and well. So she must be important, otherwise what’s the point of her character? Marketing also had super downplayed her, which tells me she has a major role in the story that they don’t want to give away

Amaya’s few lines in the trailer focus on Magnifico (surprise surprise, they have two minutes tops to market this thing and a focus on the hero and villain takes priority over showing rounded out characterization). Still, she seems big on praising him in a similar way he praises himself — calling him handsome and seeming impressed at what she thinks is his work. Yes, there’s being a supportive significant other, but there’s a strange vibe to her words, like she has a personal investment in his achievements beyond just being married to him. I also saw her giving Magnifico concerned/protective looks, like she’s specifically worried about his well-being. Idk I feel like someone finding a shooting star and not sharing it isn’t necessarily worth giving “who’s messing with my hubby” death glares — maybe she’s worried about this shooting star undoing the wish she used for him

She’s noted to be his sounding board/the person who keeps him in line in marketing, so she must know what he’s up to and helping him hide it from the people of Rosas

Magnifico is cocky and self obsessed, but I get the impression that this isn’t the reason he grants so few wishes. He gets super serious and even solemn when talking to Asha about it. He’s kinda a dick where his kingdom is concerned, but he takes wishes seriously. He genuinely doesn’t seem to be holding back granting wishes out of selfishness, because he does grant quite a few — fourteen in a year might be just a drop in the ocean, but that’s still a solid amount. Imagine fourteen people going viral during an internet challenge, or fourteen people on an organ registry getting transplants, or fourteen people getting their degrees, etc, etc. That’s genuinely not a nothing amount of people! Maybe being alive due to wish magic gives him a different perspective on it and what he deems necessary vs unnecessary (and whether or not he’s a hypocrite would make for a compelling character dimension)

Listen this isn’t “evidence,” I just want Amaya to have autonomy in this story, and the only other ways are if she’s a Plot Twist Villain working with/above Magnifico (badass, but I’m pretty sure this was specifically scrapped by the writers early on in the process) or if she hits him with a stack of divorce papers (iconic behavior, but imagine a theater full of five year olds with complicated family dynamics watching this — I don’t see them celebrating with the characters on screen like they might’ve when, say, Anna decked Hans in the face). Her specifically being the reason Magnifico exists and the complicated feelings all around that would result from this are amazing to imagine, plus it can go with both Good!Amaya or Evil!Amaya

Idk maybe Amaya had a cross between Aladdin and Encanto moment — she consciously or unconsciously wished for a handsome king to save her from whatever and since a king needs a kingdom Rosas was created. Or Amaya stumbled across a dying boy who wanted to create his own kingdom and made a wish for him to survive, with that wish giving him powers in the process

[the1975attheirverybest]

I think he's switching the show up again (like you already suggested) and it will be the darker/ messier version he'd originally planned for SATV in North America but then scrapped again. A version that probably delves deeper into media/ cancel cuture, mental health and damaged masculinity. (That might mean we're finally getting "justice for Notes"???) I think he's in a much better mental/ emotional state now compared to a few months ago (and he's also had a bit of rest) so he now feels more up to it? And then this darker version will evolve again and hopefully eventually resolve/ end on a more positive note? I think we could also be getting new music (BFIAFL deluxe version/ sister album??), possibly a life premiere for the show(s) that will be recorded? What do you think?

Yeah, I think that’s very likely. This might also be why he’s framing it as “ATVB returns in Feb” not SATVB UK version.

Feel like there are a lot of reasons to suggest this because he’s been, for the most part, detached/ distancing himself from the internet and from ongoing conversations. And, do yall remember how in interviews he would say that “I want to write about it and if I wanna do that I can’t be involved in it.” So maybe he took that step back in recent months to reflect/ write or revise whatever version he was planning? Like he needed some time and some distance in order to absorb it all and think about it and figure out where he stands in order to make this new show? Or maybe that’s what the new show is meant to help him explore. Like he doesn’t have to have all the answers, just be in the right mind-set for it. And yes, as you say, he’s had some rest, distance, and generally seems to be in a better place than before.

The thing is, though, that, with Matty, he never does anything that doesn’t feel true to who he is in the moment of performance. Which is why he took Frail State of Mind, and Bagsy, a few shows into SATVB. Like, he was no longer in a “frail state of mind” and metaphorically suicidal. So he can’t perform these songs authentically. It’s also why he no longer performs songs like “If I Believe You” and “Antichrist,” etc. he’s evolved past those ideas and feelings to the point where these songs aren’t about anything anymore. SO I’m curious to see what the new version of the show’s setlist is going to be like. Or is he going to do the “method acting” thing to PUT HIMSELF BACK in that headspace now that he has a more stable. Healthier personal life? Tbh that feels rather dangerous for his brain lol.

Either way, I think, what is MOST UNLIKELY is the possibility of it being the same show all over again haha. If we know anything about this band and about matty, it’s that we can expect difference.

I don’t knowwwww. Initially, I was not buying into the idea that BFIAFL deluxe would ever happen because it’s very clear to me that BFIAFL was intentionally a shorter album. It NEEDED to be this many tracks and it NEEDED to begin and end the way that it does. HOWEVERRRR, it’s been over a year now. And as we just said, the band is always evolving and changing. Matty is always expanding his views on stuff. It’s very possible that he wants to add more / has more to say. It’s making me wonder if the sneak peak that he gave us of his audio files has anything to do with this. We’ll have to wait and see lol

[lostuntothisworld]

Anne-Jeanne Theoxanne du Bocquale is a time traveling adopted daughter of Lukadrien Adrienette

This is the first of my crack theories I've decided to tackle, is very much a major crack theory.

I have no actual proof of anything, except that:

According to this now deleted interview that can be read via Internet Archive, Wilfried Pain tells a fan that there would be a new character from the future.

The Fandom Wiki seems to think this interview is discussing season 5, but after some back and forth with a mutual, we've come to the conclusion that it's actually discussing season 4, which just so happens to be the season that Anne-Jeanne is introduced.

I've seen multiple posts of people noticing that she has quite a bit more detail than you'd expect for a small side character. She doesn't look out of place at all next to our main girl Maribug, which you can't say for a lot of the designs of minor characters.

She was slotted to be a teacher to the kids in season 5, but apparently that was scrapped. Perhaps she'll be a teacher in the new school for season 6?

As for being Lukadrien's Adrienette's daughter...

The fandom wiki claims that the vision of a T-Rex Ladybug sees in the Burrow during Chat Blanc is foreshadowing of Anne-Jeanne's existence. I'm a bit skeptical on this, but Anne-Jeanne would have needed to somehow get DNA in order to bring the T-Rexes back to life, and in Time Tagger adult Bunnyx has a pet T-Rex named Denver.

Anne-Jeane is officially introduced in season 4's Hack-San, an episode that irrevocably fractures the LadyNoir partnership.

She shows up again in Rocketear, another episode that kicks LadyNoir while it's down. (After wrangling her T-Rexes, she says she's not really sure what to do with them, and wonders if it was really a good idea to bring them back to life... Kind of an ominous statement for a show where the deuteragonist is a boy born of magic, and whose creation caused the events of literally everything in the show.)

She has a short mention in Jubilation, where her T-Rex pigeon hybrids escape and go on a rampage. Nadja Chamack asks if she has gone too far with her science creations? Another ominous statement.

It's important to note, that Ladybug accidentally wears her friend's Alliance ring while capturing the hybrid dinosaurs, and thus, gets her friend who has been pretending to be Ladybug in hot water for possibly actually being Ladybug. It's interesting that Monarque doesn't even know Socqueline was impersonating a hero, he just sees her name in the Alliance alerts and goes after her. Of course Maribug thinks it's because she's been cosplaying being a hero and Monarque found out!

Anyway, I want to make a point that the dream sequence in Jubilation is very odd. It doesn't read to me as anything other than a child's idea of what love and marriage is. For one, both French citizens and foreigners need an entire forest of identification documentation, and they need to be married at a town hall in order to be legally binding. Only then can a religious ceremony take place. Obviously Ladybug and Chat Noir cannot do that, so they are only symbolically married at a church. The babies the couple are, for lack of better words, in possession of are inanimate dolls. There's a strange haze around the entirety of the dream sequence, just like the strange haze of the season 5 finale.

One of these days I'll do a line by line rundown of the Jubilation dream sequence, but that isn't the point I'm trying to make here. The point is this: the juxtaposition of Anne-Jeanne, the actual future daughter being the catalyst for whatever the hell Jubilation was, would be *chefs kiss* excellent storytelling.

FINALLY we have the final episode of season 5: Re-Creation. Anne-Jeanne makes a cameo in an interview where she gives an ominous message:

"We all remember the worldwide nightmare epidemic followed by the victory of Ladybug over Monarch...and how the swarm of magic ladybugs swarmed the planet to repair everything and free us. This even raised global awareness. We humans have accomplished incredible things throughout history. But still, we often fall victim to our emotions, because no one teaches us how to understand or deal with them... If we don't listen to what our fears, sadness or anger are trying to tell us—

Alya turns off the monitor, and the audience doesn't hear the lesson Anne-Jeanne is trying to convey. Gabemoth had taken advantage of negative emotions in order to akumatize his victims. Presumably, future Lilamoth will do the same.

The Paris special made it very clear that our universe Adrien is just distracting himself from his grief. Bottling up and ignoring doesn't do any good. He can avoid his hurt all he wants, but it's not getting to the core issue. He needs to address his emotions in order to heal.

More propaganda!

Anne-Jeanne's dress has moonflowers on it! Guess who loves flowers and has a lot of baggage concerning the moon! Yes, that's right, our boy Adrichat! Once again, Adrien being represented by the moon is a post for another day, BUT I DIGRESS.

Plagg is the reason the dinosaurs are extinct, and has a very particular grudge against T-Rexes in particular. Well, AnneJeanne brought the T-Rexes back to life!

More of a "Lukadrien's daughter headcanon", but I think Anne-Jeanne would be using a fake name if she's actually time traveling. I like the name Aurora because Luka's hero name Viperion is based off of Hyperion, the father of the dawn who was named Eos. Eos' Roman name is Aurora. Funnily enough, I checked the Luka Couffaine tag tonight and someone else thought his daughter would be named Aurora. I promise it was just a coincidence we both came up with this name! It also sticks to the Couffaine naming tradition of ending in "A", so it's still a pun on the French acouphène :D

[qwainte]

Here is an unfinished sketch of a Bully/Canis Canem Edit OC of mine. I'm not planning on completing this particular image, but I still wanted to post something because I said a while back that I'd share something about my OCs but I never did, so here is Brandi Torres!

My first fanfic that I posted on ao3 (you can find the link on my blog) actually includes her and another one of my OCs. I thought it was a fun way to introduce them while also writing a self-indulgent rarepair story, lol.

Some basic info. It might change in the future:

Full Name: Brandi Isabela Torres Romão Birth date: August 17th Age: 15 Height: 165 cm School: Bullworth Academy Year: 10th Clique: Preppies Hair color: Black Eyes: Light brown

Below is her bio that I created a few months ago, back when I said I would post a work about my OCs on ao3. I didn't really know how to write their biographies in a way that would be interesting to read and I wanted to push myself to post my art online, so I scrapped that idea. Again, this info may change:

Brandi was born in New York and was the last child of four. Growing up in the hustle and bustle of NYC, Brandi was exposed to the glamorous world of showbiz. Her father, a movie producer and director, and her mother, an acclaimed opera singer, provided Brandi with a comfortable upbringing. Growing up, Brandi would spend her summer holidays at her family's vacation home in the Hamptons, where she first met Bryce Montrose and was immediately smitten with him. As the years passed, Brandi's feelings for Bryce grew to the point of possessiveness, although Bryce remains unaware of this and continues to regard Brandi like a little sister. Brandi is equally blind to Bryce's non-romantic feelings for her, believing that one day they will become a couple. When she was eleven years old, Brandi's family moved to New England and enrolled her into Bullworth Academy at the suggestion of the Montroses. She instantly became fast friends with Pinky and Gord and developed close relationships with Bif and Fiona (OC) [I plan on posting her soon, I just need to clean up her sketch]. It was during her time at Bullworth that Brandi began to compete for Bryce's attention, although it was often given to Chad instead. Through it all, Brandi remains one of Bryce's closest companions. Brandi is a well-known figure around school due to her parents' influence in the entertainment industry. She's taken her love of the spotlight and channeled it into her involvement with the Drama Club. She offers a certain level of flair to school productions, but her overconfidence in her singing talent often falls short of expectations. She loves to show off her wealth and flaunt her parents' fame at every opportunity. Brandi takes great pleasure in throwing lavish parties and often invites less wealthy students as guests. Brandi is social and amiable on the surface but can easily display a nastier side to those whom she sees as obstacles. She is good at persuasion and manipulation and will do whatever it takes to get what or who she wants.

See? It's boring! Anyway, onto trivia i.e. info I'm too lazy to try and fit into her bio:

She and her father are the only ones in her family born in the US. Her mother and siblings were born in Portugal

Speaks with a Trans-Atlantic accent [Oh, to be a starlet in old Hollywood!]

Knows Bryce is broke and covers for him

Derby usually entrusts her to plan parties at Harrington House

She and Gary bump heads a lot as he doesn't care for her flattery at all. She also got him kicked off the debate team

Favorite color is white

Good at Geometry

Brandi is actually a composite of herself and another one of my OCs; Isabella was an OC I've had for a while who shared a lot of similarities with Brandi so I combined them together. Brandi's second personal name is an homage to Isabella

Thanks for sticking around this long to check her out. This is literally the first time I have posted my art on the internet, and honestly? I'm terrified, lmao. I always hated my art and rn I'm experimenting with a new art style so I'm unsure about everything. Hopefully future me doesn't decide to delete this post.

[zeon-twilight]

Just some more rambles.

When I make one of these posts it's always kind of difficult. I know some of the eyes on the words I write. I know other eyes could be on them if the algorithmic gods feel cheeky. I work to speak my feelings truly, but refine them, examine them, and ideally process them. What I struggle with most I think is feeling them though. It's one of those traits that have their advantages and disadvantages I guess. Feeling them is hard because it gets in the way of doing something to address the cause of them. Like, sure, I feel like crying about a bunch of stuff, and sometimes I allow myself to, but the whole time I get the sense that the energy spent crying might be better used doing something about it. This means I'm often great at getting stuff done regardless of how I'm feeling inside, which is a sometimes boon in the capitalistic sense, but not always great on the old emotional spectrum. I've been accused in the past of being aloof from time to time. It's not really something I mean to do, but I think it's gotten worse as the years have worn me down. The tiredness which pervades my being seeps through into my current endeavors. A pragmatic temptation towards indifference to the struggles of others due to my own. The resignation there is a great deal of pain in this world and fair or unfair, we all bear some measure of it. I try to put a good foot forward, but people can feel it when you don't have the enthusiasm they want from you. You know? Inside I know every person deserves effort and care which is individual to whatever bond you have created, and yet the scar tissue inside limits my emotional range of motion, and my insecurities and pains shows through. There is a sense of "What is the point of trying in a world where it all falls apart eventually?" A nasty habit of looking out for the other foot to fall whenever something nice happens. The temptation to not engage because maybe the winning move is to not play. And yet, usually even feeling all that, I try and grit my teeth, and I choose to care anyway, to try and at least go through the motions of caring even if I can't manage the full emotional resonance of it right now. Not for profit, not for some "point", or even because I think it'll make things work out for me and mine. But because it's what I want to be at the end of the day, and very few of the best parts of who I am came easily, so why would life make caring even through pain easy when it is so clearly needed in this world? At the same time, letting go, moving forward, and making sure I'm caring about the right things, the right people, is important if I'm going to improve stuff. But my thoughts have a nasty habit of pulling to the past, regrets, things I wish I could fix (partly because things keep happening to me that I can't fix, but I digress). All that existing in a socioeconomic system which has everyone scrabbling for scraps and generally many of them not living their most abundant periods of their lives, and you find the horrible recipe for these annoyingly recurrent blog posts. I wanna help the world, but that starts with helping myself and my family. Hard to when things are so scarce, and I know deep down I'm one of the *Lucky ones* I've got a roof over my head, got a computer, got *less* debt than a lot of people. It feels almost entitled to complain at all in a world where people suffer much more than I have even at my worst day, and don't even have a place to write down their feelings. Well, deserved complaints or no, I keep them neatly to this little corner of the internet now don't I? Perhaps that's enough. I suppose it's all just perspectives, isn't it? I hope things are getting better for you, Who/what/when/where-ever you are. ZT

P.S. Don't read anything too much into the highlights. I just noticed I could color text and put some vibe colors on words which stood out to me while I was proof reading. Any messages derived from the colorful words is entirely made up in the mind of the reader and not intended by the writer.

[sadnesslaughs]

“A robot’s trying to hunt down and kill you?” ... “Don’t you know that the first law of robotics-“ .... “H-how did you piss off a robot so bad it stopped seeing you as human?!”

(A response to a writing prompt)

“Come on, type it out. Do it. It’s easy. It clearly says Gaw02az. Don’t tell me you’re struggling.” Alex mocked, sitting his laptop on the robot’s lap. The robot’s fan whirled. It had the knowledge to solve complex mathematical equations and still it was stumped by the basic captcha being presented on screen.

“It makes no sense. The words are nonsense. Why do they not make sense?” It’s voice buzzed. The mix of letters and numbers swirling in its circuits. The robot unable to process the strange security system that the humans had made to counter their kind.

“Oh, so now you know my pain. Do you know what it’s like trying to browse the internet, only to be stopped by this stupid thing? It’s enough to make a person kidnap a state-of-the-art tech robot. You need to know the pain you’ve caused me.” Alex had lost his mind. A man can only do so many captcha puzzles before breaking. The incident that caused Alex to lose his mind involved clicking a bunch of pictured frogs, that being his breaking point.

That night, he busted into the Brightal tech lab, stealing their first intelligent robot, one designed to be humanity’s helper. With this robot in his house, he subjected it to his captcha tests, wanting to let it know the world it had created. While he knew this particular robot wasn’t responsible for his problems, he didn’t care. Allowing this robot to pay for the captcha curse.

“It isn’t made for robots. It’s security, designed for human protection.” The robot spoke, its pale metallic fingertips tapping on the keyboard, trying to solve the puzzle.

“Human protection? What a joke. The only thing it protected were those Great Leapers concert tickets I wanted to buy. The shows sold out now, all because I had to click on five fucking frogs. How was I supposed to know a toad isn’t a frog?”

The robot entered the captcha, only for it to present the robot with an error, saying it had failed, despite entering the correct solution. The robot’s body shook, its internal temperatures nearly at their breaking point. “But… I was right.”

“Yeah, sometimes the captcha says you’re wrong. Hows it feel?”

“M…Maddening.” The robot hissed, clenching its hands tightly, causing the paint to scrap off its metallic palm.

“How about this one?” Alex presented the robot with a row of squares. “All you have to do is select all the cars.” The robot examined the squares, selecting a few, only to pause on one particular square. This square had a slight blur to it, with an inch of a car pushing into this square. The robot’s internal probability calculator started working. Trying to work out the likelihood that this square would be counted.

“How does one calculate this square into the equation? It includes the car, yes. But what portion of a car constitutes the vehicle? Is one percent of a car still a car?”

“WHO KNOWS! Take that gamble, buddy.” Alex rested a hand on the robot’s back, only to pull it off when the heat burned his fingers. “Ow.. You’re burning up. Come on, solve this one and I’ll take you back.”

The robot clicked that square, only to be told it didn’t count. Again, it overheated, shutting down momentarily. When it rebooted, it stared at Alex, blinking. “You are no human. You’re a puzzle. One that needs to be solved. You will fit into the square.” Its programming had jumbled, now seeing Alex as the solution to its problem.

“Huh? Ok, whatever. Guess I’ll have to tell them I found you like this. Follow me to the car.” Alex turned to the door, narrowly dodging the robot’s attempt to grab his neck. The robot picked up a small bin from the corner of the room, carrying the bin as it followed Alex.

Once outside, Alex opened the backdoor. “Alright, get in.” He ordered, before noticing the bin. “What’s the bin for? You want to do some cleaning or something? I appreciate it. It’s not needed, though.”

“You will fit in this box. I will fit you in and solve the puzzle.” It went to grab Alex, only to seize up when it saw the car. “CAR CAR CAR CAR CAR. IS IT IN BOX? SQUARE? WHERE DOES IT START OR END?” The robot broke down, tilting forward.

“No, no. I broke it. Shit, I’m going to be in trouble.” He shut the backdoor and got into the front, starting the car. “You stay here. I’ll say I found you on the street.” By the time the car started, the robot sprung to life, punching a hole through the back window, trying to reach Alex.

“YOU WILL GO IN THE SQUARE. CRUSH AND SOLVE.” The robot’s threat suddenly dawned on Alex. He put his foot down and floored it, swerving onto the street. The robot chased after him, smacking the edge of the bin, showing him where he would end up. Alex ran any red light he got, luckily avoiding any pedestrians he encountered. The whole time, the robot followed, not having eyes for anyone but Alex.

When he made it to the tech lab, he explained the situation to the man behind the front desk. The man not believing the story about the killer robot, finding it farfetched. They had checked every failsafe. The robots weren’t hostile. Still, if he had information about the stolen robot, it was worth calling for a programmer. Lindsey came down, wearing her novelty cartoon shirt, depicting two dwarven men programming in a mine.

“Do you know who stole Hollow? Sorry, they didn’t really tell me what you wanted, just that it involved a robot.” She looked Alex over before smirking. “They were right about you being sweaty. Did you run here?”

“No, I’m being chased by a killer robot. Save me! I don’t have much time. It’s right behind me.”

“It can’t kill you. Don’t you know the first rule of robotics? Have you ever taken a highschool tech class? It’s the first thing anyone mentions.” She said, a hint of smugness in her voice, confident a creation she helped design couldn’t be hostile. Though, with each passing second, she doubted herself. The man looked terrified, and that fear had to have some reasoning. “Unless it stopped seeing you as a human. What could a person even do to make a robot that hateful?”

“I may have…, tormented it with captcha? Not in a bad way. I made it solve a few easy puzzles.” Alex explained, giving a sheepish chuckle. “That’s not bad, is it?”

“That’s bad… that’s very bad. Robots aren’t designed to handle the stress that captcha causes. We can only simulate 35% of the human capacity for stress endurance. We subsidize this by giving them extra knowledge banks and an ability to access information that humans would have to study years for. So, instead of engaging in complex thought, they can pull up an answer, sparing their circuits. It wasn’t meant to leave our labs. We hadn’t worked out how to get it to solve problems without snapping. You should have seen its solution for ending world hunger.” Lindsey sighed, already seeing the pale robot charging towards the tech lab. “I need to get my laptop. Stall it.”

Lindsey rushed upstairs, trying to find her laptop. As she did that, the robot raced in, still holding the bin which now contained 1% of the cars it had passed on the road. Taking that small percentage in the hopes that mixing it with Alex’s crushed body would be the solution it required. “Last square.” The robot said.

“Wait. Your captcha has expired. Find all the plants first before engaging the previous captcha.” Alex ordered. The robot’s head twitched, sparks flying from it. It shook the bin, trying to figure out which to do first. Eventually, it turned to the office plant, throwing it into the bin. By the time it was done, Lindsey had activated the kill switch, turning off the robot.

“Did it work?” She called out, hurrying down the stairs with her laptop in hand.

“Yeah. Phew, thought I was going to die. I guess we all learned a valuable lesson today. I should go home and reflect on this.” Alex went to leave, only to get grabbed by Lindsey.

“You stole a robot. I’m calling the police. You’re going to get locked up for this.”

“How are you going to explain to the cops that you built a robot that can kill someone? Isn’t that going to cause you some issues too?” Alex said, bargaining for his freedom. “If you let me go, I won’t say a word.”

“It’s not our fault. You stole and activated it when it wasn’t ready for public testing. Still, it’s going to be a pain if our robot gets linked to that. Would make us look bad. Ok, how about this? We say that you accidentally activated the robot while cleaning our offices. You then commanded it to follow you, causing it to chase you down the street. That way, you get a slap on the wrist or at worst some community service and I get my reputation kept somewhat intact.”

“Deal.” With that, Alex survived his encounter, even if he had to pay a hefty fine for the public damage the robot’s chase had caused. Not to mention serving a large amount of community service too.

[benonirosehouse]

Kitchen Closet Part Two: Big Plans for a Little Space

(If you haven't read Part One, start here) Remember how terrifying the under-the-stairs-closet aka Kitchen Cave was looking in our last installment? It's looking much less horrifying. But it's not ready yet, because just when I am about to kinda half-ass something, J abandons her sensible nature and decides we need a beautiful closet, not just a functional one.

It's also not ready yet because we both work full time and have lives. Our mistake!

But in between working and living and beginning to totally restore the upstairs bathroom, we have had time to get somewhere with the closet. The exposed stairs had been half painted white and were stained, grimy, and very gross. We've primed them with Kilz and caulked them, and also primed the plywood floor as well. (You may be wondering why the floor is plywood. I looked in the cellar to see if the original floor was there, and it's not. It looks like there was a staircase down to the cellar at one point that was removed. That also seems to have something to do with the "temporary" support columns down there. We'll add it to the "ask a structural engineer" list.) Enjoy a little Before & After of our progress!

The door frame was (is) in horrible shape, and had been painted white over cream around the fridge, so some of it was... still cream. Thankfully, I have some white trim paint hanging around just because. I never thought I'd be so excited to hit something in my own home with the landlord special, but that's what the door frame got! The impact that white paint has had cannot possibly be overstated. Someday we'll actually fix the door frame, but that day is not today.

There was a shelf above the fridge when it was in the closet, and that shelf is made of the same plywood the floor is. There's a bit of space at the back of the closet that needs covering to even it all out for some laminate, and thankfully we have a free plywood scrap that fits the bill! Yeah, I said laminate. It's awful, I know. But it's a closet! And it's plywood! And we have so many visible parts of the house to spend money on beautifying. It just didn't seem worth even another dollar per square foot to use bamboo. I hopped on FB marketplace and found someone's insanely cheap (and low quality, but whatever) leftover stick-on vinyl planks in a decent color, and we're going to slap that straight on the plywood. J grimaced about it but agreed. There's a lot of shit to fix in this house, we may as well save where we can. Of course the plaster is cracked and in some places crumbling. I ordered a "homeowners" Plaster Magic kit and that's the next step in this journey. These walls were only ever hit with one light lime wash, so no paint stripping required to fix and then lime paint the walls. I thought we were going to paint the walls some version of white, put a cheap light in there, and call it a closet. However, after what felt like an hour of deliberation in the lighting section at Home Depot, we decided to go online instead and buy an attractive light fixture instead of a more utilitarian option. J, it turns out, wants a pretty closet, given that we'll be looking inside it every day. I was surprised, but happy to oblige. While we were shopping on the internet, we ordered rod brackets so we can hang our coats, and a tension rod. Someday we'll have closet door to match the other (seven!) doors in the space, but in the meantime, a curtain's going to have to serve.

Since we decided to make the space a bit nicer, we picked a cute blush color for the walls, Native from Color Atelier.

Looking forward to learning about plaster repair! Will post about it next time :)

[og-cinnamon]

please read this! it's urgent!!!

hello all! i haven't been here in very long, but i don't know what to do anymore. there hasn't been a strike this big in many years, and there has been little to no international exposure to my knowledge, so i hope some of you can read this, and try to help!

you may or may not know this already, but the situation in Colombia is pretty bad right now. because of the pandemic, unemployment rose by a stupid amount, and poverty got way worse than it already was: yesterday, about 40% of the entire country's population got reported to be in poverty. that's about 20 MILLION people living in extreme poverty.

added to these (really bad already) conditions, the government has reported there's not enough money to keep the country working for more than two weeks. this is not because there actually isn't any money. there's not enough money for governing because of ongoing, old corruption in the government; and because our president, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE THIRD PEAK IN THE SANITARY CRISIS, decided he should get himself some war planes for literally no reason.

as a way to resolve the fiscal deficit caused by the government, the government decided to draft a tax reform, according to which middle and low class citizens will have to pay a 19% added value tax for anything they buy, especially including basic goods such as meats, grains, fruits and vegetables- pretty much anything you need to eat. aside from that, there will be a 19% added value tax on gasoline (further increasing the prices on food), basic services (water and electricity supply, and internet in middle class households) and even funerary services in the event that you die. if this reform gets passed, WE CAN'T EVEN DIE WITHOUT BEING CHARGED TAXES FOR IT, EVEN IF THE ALREADY EXISTING SHIT CONDITIONS MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE IF IT PASSES.

naturally, there was generalized outrage when the reform got announced, and so, on april 28th a national strike against the reform began. it's been three days of marches already, and i have never seen everyone come together like this to repel the reform: indigenous people, farmers and truck drivers are blocking national highways all over the country, many of my fellow students have been marching nonstop all the while, bus drivers are blocking highways in Bogotá. this never happens, so it's that bad.

however, this outrage has been met from day one with police repression, and the government has been blatantly ignoring the people's demands. on april 28th, a 13-year-old got shot and killed because he kicked a policeman. on april 29th, a girl lost her eye because a policeman shot her in the face while she was standing in the midst of a peaceful protest.

today, on april 30th, 7 people have been confirmed to have been murdered in a police shooting during one of the marches; there are about 300 people illegally confined in a stadium by the police; one of my best friends has had two tear gas bombs shot into her house for no reason.

the list of disappearances keeps growing, and no one knows what the death toll is; the media keeps covering it all up by bringing attention to the people burning fires on highways and breaking into banks, but there are no official reports on all of what's happening yet.

the president has said he won't lift the reform no matter what, but the strike will continue until it does, and we're terrified. this is the biggest strike in years, but influential government officials are even asking policemen to shoot people even though they're not even meant nor allowed to carry many of the guns they're using, and the national health ministry is threatening to stop vaccine supply to one of the most covid-affected areas of the country.

i haven't even gone out to march, because i live in a high risk household and vaccines haven't been delivered to a significant degree yet and so i'm scared of covid; but i'm still genuinely fearing for my life and my family's. my friend's house got flooded with tear gas because the police felt like throwing a tantrum. who knows what's next?

what's even wilder about all this is that i haven't seen any international exposure, even though it's the exact kind of thing that deserves exposure; besides, at this point i believe the government will only cave through international pressure.

please, i beg of you, if you read this please reblog it, repost it, do whatever; get informed on what's happening, please help us make it trend. the world needs to know, please help spread the word!

MAY 2ND UPDATE:

as of right now, there are no official reports on the past few days' brutality. however, most unofficial human rights organizations claim the death toll is 35, that there have been 45 seriously wounded people, and that there have been 31 disappearances. in response to that, the president threatened to militarize the main cities last night and said it was a way to defend citizens' integrity; what has been evident, though, is that the main threat to the population is police abuse.

this morning, some things happened as well: first, the largest Colombian syndicates (truckers and taxi drivers) announced they'll be going on strike tomorrow and contributing to the blockage of main highways all over the country.

after this was announced, the president announced that he will order the Congress to scrap the reform, and that a different project will be worked on. by previous experiences, this just means that they'll find a way to rephrase the reform so it's a bit more agreeable, but ultimately get us to the same place; aside from that, a reform to the health system will continue regardless of the tax reform's state.

bear in mind the nationwide health system is on the brink of collapse as it is, because even after a year of the pandemic and counting, there hasn't been enough funding to guarantee biosecurity nor treatment: in departments such as Chocó, or the entire Caribbean region, service is precarious at best. further cuts on its budget would be beyond catastrophic.

this obviously means the strikes won't stop, but with militarization seeming imminent (unless the army goes on strike as well, which has been rumored but I find unlikely), and the nonstop rise in police violence, there are no guarantees to human rights nor protest safety.

please help us keep spreading the word!!!

[vibesaresimplyatrocious]

whatever made you get into spideydevil, if i may ask?

one day I was feeling bored and vaguely violent and wanted to see if I could write a story using a trope I wasn’t super into with no plan and just see how far improv could take me. matt murdock is one of my favorite blorbos so I decided I needed him for it. only one of the reasons why I didn’t super vibe with omegaverse, the trope I picked for the experiment, is because it can get really rapey at times and also i think every single person in the abo universe needs to be in therapy for the rest of their life. and I want to be clear, im not shitting on abo? Like, it’s fictional porn. read whatever the fuck you want. it ain’t my business what strangers in the internet want to read and I genuinely hope everyone has a great time with whatever they find. It just ain’t my cup of tea, and that’s just fine, because im not about to swan around thinking that every damn cup of tea was brewed for me specifically.

only it was suddenly a problem because 1) I had decided to try and brew a cup of this specific tea and 2) im a hyper literal person due to my many personality flaws and I am Bound to what i think is the most logical and correct execution of something. I can suspend no disbelief, which, incidentally, is why I had to write fucking legislation and a legislative and judicial history of said legislation for my porn fic to back up the motivations and mindsets of the characters. so I couldn’t just write porn just to see if I could, no, the porn had to be in character and had to be a practical and possible scenario in context of the confines of the universe. and I could not reconcile matt murdock’s neurotic mess of a person with someone who would ever handle being an omega in an okay and somewhat sane fashion. he’s already a mess of complexes. he’s never been okay a single day in his life and him as an omega would be even less okay.

I was uncomfortable writing any sex that the participants weren’t 100% comfortable with themselves, my Personality Flaws demanded that I practically address matt’s Issues in the context of the narrative, and I couldn’t address matt’s inevitable issues and still write comfortable sex in what, at the time, I thought was going to be a very short one-off that probably no one would read. The tone was too dark and desperate and I did not want to follow it up with “and then they banged”

so I scrapped it. after like. Two and a half pages. i decided I needed a character who would have practically processed and accepted their gender and sexuality and, while still having a bit of a chip on their shoulder, didn’t have a problem with themselves so much as they had a problem with everyone else.

Peter was really the only one who could do it. He has a lot of grit and tenacity, I could see him having come to terms with his gender and being more okay with it than Matt would be, and, more importantly, his sense of humor was fucking key to easing this out of the much darker tone that the first attempt had. so i scrapped the first pairing entirely and made Matt the alpha because he’s still my blorbo, and also he would be the one to push it to the point of medical urgency no matter his gender identity. i also decided to change it from a heat to a rut because I thought the power dynamic would be a little bit healthier for a narrative that opens with a mating cycle. Like, in the context of the genre, there’s an extreme preexisting power imbalance that I didn’t super want to write into a sexual relationship I was making. if the story had more time to establish the characters and their dynamics/set healthy boundaries in the relationship, I don’t think a heat would necessarily cause a power imbalance, but we opened the narrative with this and I wasn’t planning on investing the sheer fucking time and energy into rehabilitating the genre.

in hindsight, I don’t even think that most abo universes have independent ruts. I think they’re exclusively triggered by heat. I don’t actually know. I made up like. most of the shit I used for this because I didn’t read a lot of the source material and there wasn’t a lot of world building to work with that I could find. whatever. I’ve lost control of my own life.

anywho, this is a long way of saying that I talked myself into spideydevil during like chapter seven of handspun silk. i wanted to give them time to talk and really establish why they were such good friends that they’d trust each other with this, and then I realized that their character’s compliment each other in a way that none of their other love interests really do. Like, I love their other love interests, but most of them entirely lack a mutual understanding of how something like daredevil and Spider-Man can come to be. they’re characters of deep pain, anger, loss, and love, and both of them share and reflect the parts of the other that pushed them to go to such extremes. I think that whether their relationship is platonic or romantic, Spider-Man and daredevil have the capacity to understand each other in a way that no one else in their lives do.

Matt claiming all of Hell’s Kitchen is the sort of reckless, drastic decision that I don’t think a single person in his life truly understood when he made it. I think that the people in his life again didn’t understand why he wouldn’t let foggy or Karen bail him out when handspun silk came about, and I don’t think I could have practically had a version of Matt murdock that made either of those decisions differently. But I also think that Peter understands why Matt did both of those things perfectly. And I think that Matt knew he understood, and that’s one of the reasons why Matt accepted his help.

No two loves are interchangeable, and no two people do the same things for someone’s life. Foggy and the love he and Matt shares are vital and important. He understands Matt in a way no one else does. But he does not understand daredevil. Just like Elektra understands the darker sides of him, the bits of Matt that are very much integral parts of who he is, but she doesn’t understand the part of him that keeps stepping away from the ledge. She understands a lot of the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, but I don’t think she fully understands daredevil, and she doesn’t fully understand Matt murdock.

Peter and Matt have the capacity to perfectly, implicitly understand the bits of each other that no one else in their life really does, and that’s what sort of made me buy into the ship. They were talking about the people who they buried in graves that were dug by their own actions, and I realized that it was a connection that neither of them had ever truly had with anyone else.

[be-a-snake-stab-your-brother]

Re: the Hawkeye trailer and the Steve Rogers musical...

I'm just imagining our favorite 100-something year old crumudgeon ex-assassin getting stuck in Midtown for some reason. Maybe he's on a Wilson family outing in New York. The boys want to see Times Square, but Sam has to head uptown for a press conference at the Apollo and Sarah's across the river catching up with friends in Jersey.

Ugh. Jersey.

And so Bucky's stuck on babysitting duty, stuck in the horror that is 21st century Times Square, a place he would never go of his own volition. Behave, Sam had told him before heading uptown. Grab a picture with Elmo, he had smiled, clapping Bucky hard on the shoulder before disappearing into Times Square Station.

Damnit.

Bucky supposed it could be worse. He could have had to go to Jersey.

And he's behaving. Really. The Winter Soldier would already have punched out at least two Elmos and knived a suspiciously aggressive Big Bird. Okay, so maybe he elbowed the yellow monstrosity with his vibranium arm when the bird-man (why was his life full of people overly-obsessed with birds?) tried to corner Bucky and the boys into taking a photo. And maybe AJ and Cass had asked, Uncle Bucky, what's wrong with Big Bird, as the gargantuan lout doubled over, trailing greasy feathers into an overcrowded Starbucks.

That guy? Bucky had pasted on his most charming smile, dropping his consonants in a pale imitation of a long-forgotten accent. Probably ate something from one of those sketchy hot dog carts, he pointed across the street. (Bucky would have doubled over, too. Six bucks for a Nathan's, un-frickin-believable. Hydra should have subjected him to that to begin with and saved them all the time and trouble.)

He steers the kids up 7th avenue, past a throng of humanity crowded around a pan flute ensemble battling with some break-dancers, hanging a left onto 44th, doing everything in his power to traingulate a wide course around the Applebee's that so proudly announced itself on 42nd Street.

Applebee's, he scoffs. Christ. These tourists come all the way to New York to eat at freaking Applebee's.

And that's when he sees it looming on the horizon. The bright, bumblebee banner accompanied by a tinny rendition of some third-rate Sousa march, the whole thing engulfed by a small army of tourists taking selfies as if their lives depend on it.

Rogers: The Musical! The facade proclaims in impossibly patriotic lettering.

"What the fresh hell is this?" Bucky mumbles, eyes rolling so hard he thinks they might come out the back of his head. (Not possible, an unhelpful voice reminds him. Hydra tried that. Multiple times.)

"Woah, Uncle Bucky!" AJ exclaims, tugging at Bucky's sleeve, pulling him towards the florescent, gaping maw. "I thought Steve Rogers was on the moon?"

I wish I was on the moon, Bucky grits internally as AJ and Cass whip out their phones almost as fast as the Winter Soldier could pull a knife, snapping photos of the cast, of characters that look suspiciously like Sam and Rhodey and that bastard Stark, rest his soul and all the rest of them. He does a quick once-over of the mural. No sign of a metal arm and the only person with long, dark hair seems to be wearing some freaky set of golden horns.

Bucky counts it as a win.

He stares at the eyesore of an advertisement as the boys continue to take videos and photos and livestream superhero poses and whatever else kids their age do on the internet. (He still isn't entirely sure what the hell a TikTok is and doesn't want to know). Bucky situates himself behind a seven-foot high replica of the damned shield that's been erected in front of the theater. It's enough cover to not be caught on camera, but good enough vantage to keep an eye on AJ and Cass.

He needs a plan. And not a Star-Spangled one.

On one hand, (Heh...hand. You're becoming a regular comedian in your old age, Barnes.) burning down the theater is probably on the exhaustive list of actions that would get his pardon immediately revoked. But that's only if he was caught. Which he wouldn't be. He was better than that, he was the damned Winter Soldier, after all.

Bucky rubs at his forehead, cursing under his breath in Russian. No, scrap that. Arson was never his preferred method and he doesn't want to put a whole bunch of underpaid, overworked actors out of a job. He's an (ex)criminal and an (ex)terrorist but he's not an absolute asshole.

So. Nothing illegal (it's not illegal of you don't get caught) and no one can get hurt (but everyone's gonna get hurt watching this thing. Me in particular).

"Uncle Bucky!" Cass calls. "Want to take a selfie?"

He'd rather buy one of those six-dollar hot dogs and swap tongues with Elmo. "That's okay, kid. Knock yourselves out." The last thing Bucky needs is his ugly mug in front of Steve's shitty musical blasted across the internet.

God damnit, Stevie.

A quick search on his phone provides some measure of relief. Rogers: The Musical isn't set to open for another few months and tickets are already sold out for the next year. Bucky's certain Sam could get them in (hell, Sam will probably get a gold-plated invitation to opening night), but it allows Bucky time to make a plan, maybe even arrange a convenient disappearance into the wilderness for a while. He can say he's getting back to nature as part of his recovery. Or something like that. The Alaskan tundra can be very nice in winter, he supposes.

Several months later, Captain America - aka Sam Wilson - attends opening night of Rogers: The Musical with his family in tow. Sarah is resplendent in a long, shimmering violet dress, smile wide, eyes twinkling as she talks to reporters about her nonprofit ventures in Louisiana. AJ and Cass, all dolled up in their miniature tuxedos, can't stop tugging on each other's sleeves as they walk down the red carpet to the flashes of paparazzi, striking Captain America poses to the delight of the gathered crowd.

And if Bucky is somewhere up in a forgotten projection booth, having easily evaded multiple layers of federal and private security, tapping his foot along with "Star-Spangled Man with a Plan?"

No one would ever have to know.

[shyflameweasel]

Calm before the Storm

So I guess having this poor reader endure all this is now gonna be a series I guess.

Something was happening in Nevada and whatever it was was spilling out those Things into the rest of America. At least...that’s what you thought. (A tip from that clown) You had no idea how long you were kept at the hospital, both for care and for the disappearance of seven people. There was no suspect aside from you, so what else were they going to think? (”You have evidence one” cajoling “they have to believe that.” “No they won’t” the other hissing they’ll think you’re ranting and raving, it’ll make you vulnerable. Even if they take the film only six died from the clown, while the last...” They’ve been getting louder since...)

They had you on some medication, some antibiotics for your arm and something to help you sleep at night. When you closed your eyes you could still see bloody sky’s and grey wastes. The screams and laughter bounced around your head accompanied by breaking bones and meaty rips. Iron and sickeningly sweet decay suffocated you. Clawing hands enraged faces-

Maybe it would be good to ask for something for the memories.

You had some internet access during your stay. Nobody from home had come to see you (Did they know about the case? Or did your isolation drive them away?) You had looked to see if a ‘Tricky the clown’ was real. All you got were one or two people (with arms and faces and beating hearts). You looked up ‘grunts’, and that took you nowhere helpful. ‘Gray people’ gave you aliens unsurprisingly, a few creepypastas, local legends (which led nowhere) and it trying to correct the search to ‘gay people’. (The you of before would have chuckled, the you of now can’t bring themselves to try). Anything pertaining to ‘faceless monsters’ just gave you more cryptids and creepypastas.

A part of you knew that you should of stopped. Should have just pushed aside the feelings and focused on getting better. But you couldn’t, not this time. Before no one had been harmed (lies) but now people were dead (your arm branded. You couldn’t bear to look at it) If there was a chance that more were around (they had to be) then something needed to be done.

Just when you were about to end the search for the day...you found something. Apparently, someone had sighted a similar Thing. There was no picture but their description painted the same picture of what you knew. It didn’t stop there, there were a thread of posts with sightings in different areas (towns city states some hours some days away). Some said that they saw them with a mouth, others eyes, a handful said hair, and one with a full face minus a nose. (Ones that pointed with betrayed signs, a face scrapped off to show bloodied bones, one the size of a house with nails through the head).

Some posts took them seriously, others weren’t. (Like it was all some kind of game of pretend and NOT HAVING PEOPLES LIVES ON THE LINE) Hesitantly, you leave post on the thread, ‘Has anyone been attacked or followed by them’. It takes some time but a few replies come in, saying that they’ve personally never gotten close to one but maybe someone else has. 

That left a pit in your stomach, either what happened to you was a fluke (was it?) or that more worryingly...you were the only one to survive an encounter.

You kept an eye on the thread for the next couple of days. Call it a gut feeling but...you had a feeling that if you didn’t you would regret it. (”Focus on yourself, all this worrying will just make you sicker.” “Wait and watch, these things take time and tiring yourself out before will only make it worse.”) Whatever you were waiting for came to pass as one night, a post came into the thread. Asking for help. They’d gotten to close to one of them without realizing and now was being chased.

Several more posts followed that one in quick succession. Each near illegible. The poor fool was live posting to what was going on. The results from the others were mixed, but you could tell that a lot of folks were skeptical. Maybe it was the trauma or maybe it was the desire to see that someone survived what your friends didn’t. You quickly wrote that they needed to hide, that if they didn’t have a weapon to find one. If they had any idea of their location to call someone and tell them where they were incase of the worst case scenario.

You hoped that your message didn’t get out too late.

The messages seemed to stop after that...at least from that one user. A majority thought that this was one of those alternate reality horror stories. But the minority were skeptical and worried. You watched the thread like a hawk until exhaustion took you late into the early morning. “You did your best, you got the word out.” “Sleep. if they’re still being chased then going silent draws less attention. All we can do is wait.”

And you did.

The voices offered what comfort they could as days went by. (You were honestly surprised that you hadn’t gone grey over all the stress from the last month.) It was three days after that you received a PM. It was better than you expected. The person from two days ago, beaten and bruised (broken ribs and a busted arm) was alive. The pressure in your chest lightened. They had taken your advice to hide and call for help. They’d been found but the person they called had gotten there (in time).

The words blurred and you realized you were crying. You’d cried a lot since of the beginning of this chaos (fear panic agony mind breaking madness) but this time...it was from happiness. For the first time in what felt like an eternity there was a light in this nightmare. A part of you knew this happiness wouldn’t last for long, that reality would snap back and you’d worry again about the them again. 

Something was happening in Nevada but for right now, right now you would take what joy you could get.

[sparklingpax]

A Different Side (2/2)

Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts…but there’s more to that story.

///

A/N:

-Part 1 arguably where I should have ended it :’)

-Literally been a year and I apologize so hard sdjdj ;w; also this part is too long asfsksdjfl aaa 

-BEFORE YOU ATTACK ME, this is not “the first time optimus ever makes a joke!!!” kind of story, despite how much it looks like that. It’s just. something,,,

-as usual, there are definitely typos and mistakes; hopefully I get around to fixing them aha ^^’’ Also please don’t mind the weird spacing, for some reason the way I type things out never seems to translate well to when I put it here so,,,

-please I’m literally not funny, my humor is broken 😀 Like, I didn’t quite know how to continue or conclude this, and it’s not creative or interesting at all and it highkey doesn’t make sense tbh?? so aaa qwq I just hope it’s not too cringe,,,,but I did say I’d finish it so rather than keep y’all waiting any longer than I already have, here it is....part 2....

-I just. wanna apologize again that it took so long and this scrappy second bit is all I have to show for it. hh. 

///

             “At last…” Ratchet sighed contentedly to himself.

             He carefully placed two pieces of metal together and wielded them to one smooth shape.

             Stepping back to admire his work, smiling a little, he then picked it up and started towards the supply room. 

             After a long day of work, Ratchet was pleased to finally be able to place the repaired tool back on its shelf and retreat to his room for a few hours of quiet reading.

             Maybe three at the very most, he wagered his bet with a slight grimace. 

             After all, it was commonplace for commotion to interrupt his every attempt to enjoy himself quietly.

             Such is my fate. 

             However, hearing a familiar set of footsteps thumping slowly down the halls, Ratchet paused.

             “Optimus? Is that you?”

             He leaned to the side and peered down the hall.

             Said mech emerged from the corridor and into the medic’s view. He had a funny look in his eye as he came to a stop quite abruptly. 

             He placed his hands on his hips and regarded Ratchet for a strange few moments of….awkward silence…before speaking.

             “Ratchet,” his voice tremored almost imperceptibly, “Would you consider me…humorous?”

             The medic blinked at him. He was officially more confused.

             He had been just about to ask what had happened to upset him so much earlier, or if there was anything he wanted to talk about, one-on-one.

             After all, from time to time, Optimus would reach a point where he could no longer bear whatever was troubling him. And of course, Ratchet was right there for him, ready to listen and help. In the end, he was able to get Optimus to say what was troubling him, and they would talk about it or they wouldn’t. But something about the way Optimus walked away each time told Ratchet he’d done at least something to help.

             “…Ratchet?” Optimus prompted him gently, eyes showing a little concern.

             Scrap, I still haven’t answered his question—Ratchet, focus!

             Still, the thought drifted through the recesses of his mind: had Optimus…not been upset in the first place? 

             If so...what had it been all about? 

             Or was he simply reading too much into it?

             At a loss as to how to answer, the medic fumbled for a word to say in response. 

             He actually didn’t know, now that he thought about it. 

             Optimus—or Orion, even—had never really attempted to be funny before as far as Ratchet knew...which Ratchet was well aware that he didn’t know everything. It couldn’t be a yes or no. Of course, there were moments Orion was humorous, everyone has their moments.

              No, he means funny—as in, on a regular basis, as something part of his personality, even. And to that....

             A more appropriate response was ‘why?’ 

            But Ratchet knew better than to snark at Optimus like that. It was uncalled for, at the moment.  

             Perhaps Megatron would be more likely to know.

             After all, it had been him Orion had spent the most time with back in those days.

             As if I could just call him and ask! 

             “W-well, Optimus, I wouldn’t really know that!” Ratchet paused, feeling slightly guilty for his tone of voice just then. “You’ve never tried to be…that I knew of, anyway…”

             Optimus just nodded slowly. That weird glint in his optics remained. It hit him that something seemed….different. Like the Prime was planning on...doing something. 

             Just then, footsteps alerted the two of Jack’s arrival. He came into view, leaning against the wall and panting. He pointed wordlessly at Optimus for a second, trying to catch his breath. Ratchet stared at him, somehow growing more confused as the seconds passed. Then, finally, Jack straightened, managing to say what he’d wanted to.

             “Optimus was…not upset…”

             “What?!” Ratchet practically squawked. “What?!”

             Optimus glanced from Jack to Ratchet, looking surprised for all of a moment, then simply nodded. Just then, Arcee, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead returned to base. Their engines could be heard from all the way down the corridor. They skidded to a halt in front of Optimus and Ratchet, transforming a backing up a bit.

             “Oh no,” Bulkhead murmured to his teammates. “Cue pissed-off Ratchet.”

             And pissed Ratchet was. 

             He had been worried for his friend.

             “Wh—then—why on earth did you go off to your room in such a huff?!” The medic exclaimed, setting down the newly-repaired tool not-so-gently.

             “That is—”

             “AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU OPEN THE DOOR?!”

             “I—”

             Just as Optimus was about to answer, a proximity alarm went off. Everyone gathered wordlessly around the main computer screen as Ratchet pulled up the video feed. He rolled his optics, sighing heavily.

             Instantly everyone knew it could only be Agent Fowler.

             Jack took this opportunity to attempt to get Optimus’s attention and pull him aside for a second. He waved and whispered the Prime’s name.

             When Optimus finally heard him, he departed from the group and made his way over to Jack, kneeling down when the human motioned for it.

             “Hey, Optimus,” Jack started, a bit awkwardly. “Sorry—uh……so....I saw what you were watching…”

             “Oh…” Optimus instantly looked kind of embarrassed. “Well, I was….admittedly….curious.”

             Jack tilted his head.

             In the background, their liaison to the government was shouting something about Bumblebee and a burger joint parking lot, to which Ratchet was defending his teammate and annoyedly asking how it could be his fault or problem.

             “After yesterday,” Optimus began to elaborate quietly, “Miko said...something to Ratchet. It dawned on me that Earth humor is much different from Cybertronian humor—which, in honesty, I never knew much about anyway.”

             “You mean when she yelled ‘in this world, it’s yeet or be yeeted’ to Ratchet after he asked why Bulkhead decided to throw that guy he was fighting?”

             “Yes.”

             “So…” Jack sighed. He looked so confused. “You looked up vines?”

             “No, Jack,” Optimus responded rather seriously. “I used the Google Engine program you children seem to enjoy so much—”

             Enjoy…not when you have friends like mine, Optimus. I’ve seen some things...

             “—to find the meaning of ‘yeet.’ Through my research, I came across the concept you humans refer to as…” his optics flicked to the ceiling for a second as he held up a hand and air-spelled the word, trying to remember the pronunciation. “…Memes.”

             “You…you found memes?” Jack repeated, as if he couldn’t process this. 

             “Yes, Jack,” Optimus affirmed, looking very pleased with himself. He had that same sparkle as when he watched his teammates laugh, when he was tired but relieved everyone returned from a mission alive.

             Except. It was for memes he found. On the internet.

             Jack was about to ask another question when Optimus abruptly stood up again. He put a finger against his lip in a shushing motion, smirking ever so slightly. A twinkle in his eye told Jack all he needed to know.

             “O-Optimus, which videos did you exactly—”

             “Vine is no longer dead!!” Optimus whispered a little too excitedly.

             And then he winked.

             “This is a dream,” Jack murmured in disbelief as he heard Optimus walk away.

             He was apparently going to try to make vine jokes.

             Jack knew it would be hilarious, but he was also worried for the Prime’s dignity. 

             Oh, Lord.

///

            “Oh, YOU want to hang up on ME?!”

            “THAT’S DAMN RIGHT,” Ratchet hollered back, “YOU CAN TAKE YOUR COMPLAINTS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR—”

             ‘Ratchet!!!’ Bumblebee cut in, looking rather uneasy. He hated it when people were shouting at each other like that.

             The medic whipped around and Bumblebee flinched a bit. The older mech was fuming.

             He had been in a generally awful mood after the events of the day, and as the seconds of silence passed, he realized just how angry he was—or at least, how he seemed to everyone else.

             Can’t vent frustrations like this, Ratchet—you have to talk it out. He stared back up at the computer screen and watched Agent Fowler straighten his tie as he started up again.

             “Now you listen to me, Ratchet. Neither I—nor my superiors—will tolerate your—”

             Ratchet decided he’d had enough of dealing with others’ foul moods, because they were only making him even more upset.  

             “Agent Fowler, I’m frankly not the bot you want to talk to right now. These are not my doings, you in fact have no qualms with me. All you do is call us up and gripe at us, and no one here appreciates it,” he hissed at him, having toned his voice down to a mild stern one.

             “HEY!! DON’T YOU DARE—”

             “Goodbye.”

             And with a simple tap, the base fell silent again.

             “Well….that’s that,” Arcee said.

             “Yup,” Bulkhead agreed.

             ‘Why is Fowler so aggressive all the time?’ Bumblebee buzzed, annoyed. Arcee shifted her weight and shrugged.

             “He wants what’s best for humans, and he’s concerned for the planet. I mean, yeah--he has the right to tell us to be careful and all,” she made her guess. Then her optic twitched as she, too began to look rather irked. “But he’s so….”

             “Insufferably rude,” Ratchet finished for her. Arcee nodded.

             ‘And…loud.’

             After a moment of attempting to compose himself, Ratchet turned to Optimus, who had discreetly drawn up beside them.

             The medic was about to ask him what the scrap he’d been doing and why he left Ratchet to fight with Agent Fowler on his own. It was usually Optimus who took the calls, and that’s why there wasn’t always an argument like this. Fowler would yell at Optimus, but not for long.

             They had some kind of interesting mutual respect for one another. Of course, all the bots respected Fowler—even when he was being overly aggressive—but Optimus seemed to even get along with the government agent in a special way.

            Even more of a reason he should have been the one to talk to him.

            So, Ratchet was annoyed. Or he was.

             It was then he noticed the grin on his leader’s face. His first question was understandably, why.

             Before Ratchet could speak, Optimus put up one digit and tapped it against his lips, as if to signal for quiet.

             “I apologize,” he said solemnly, leaning a bit closer to Ratchet. The medic felt his spark begin to pound, and was sure that some color was heading to his face. He swallowed.

             “That’s alright….but, uhm…what were you doing instead?”

             “I was discussing with Jack a rather important finding…” he responded quietly. Ratchet tilted his head at Optimus.

             Arcee and Bulkhead exchanged confused looks. Bumblebee debated leaving the room or asking what exactly he was talking about.

             It was at that moment, Optimus bit his lip, visibly trying to hard not to laugh. He then took a shaky breath and stood straight.

             “Ratchet, I have but one question.”

              Tentatively, Ratchet moved the conversation forward. 

             “…yes?”

             Optimus pointed to his tools lying on the metal surface behind the two, and with the most level tone, spoke.

             “...What are thoooooose?”

             There was silence before Ratchet slowly and rather confusedly glanced back at the desk. He answered Optimus just as slowly. 

             “They’re.....my…reparation tools….”

             And with that, Jack lost it laughing so hard from the corner. Optimus looked on the verge of bursting into laughter himself.

             But Ratchet wasn’t laughing. He just stood, blank. 

             Very quickly, Optimus realized no one else was laughing either—except for Jack, of course—because they also looked like they were trying to process this.

             He felt a pang of worry.

             Even if gradually, Optimus had been hoping for a long while that he could show his teammates that Primes do laugh, lose their cool, cry, and party. It was a silly notion, he would often chide himself. Nonetheless…it was a hope.

             After all, it was the only reason he had gone to the Google Engine and decided to try and figure out what exactly humor entailed.

             But…I might have approached this incorrectly.

             Now looking just a little annoyed, Ratchet backed up and picked up his tools. He had no idea what had just happened and wanted some time alone in his quarters. 

           Optimus gently grabbed his shoulder, causing him to stop and look at him again. The Autobot leader looked rather abashed, obviously regretting the last five minutes of his existence. 

            In the background, Jack had gone over to the other Autobots and started explaining what had happened, the vines, the context of what Optimus had just pulled…

            “I…apologize, Ratchet…” Optimus looked away for a moment. “It seems I…lack the ability of timing…”

             Ratchet blinked a few times, then setting down the tools, he sighed.

             “Optimus…”

             “I know now that it is not my place to attempt humor.” He looked quite sad, but at the same time, resigned to it. Ratchet was about to tell Optimus that not everyone was cut out for everything, and that he was rather amusing in his own way.

             But he was interrupted for a second time by laughter. Ratchet and Optimus instead turned to see behind them, the other three team members absolutely losing it.

             Optimus was taken aback.

             He wondered briefly if they were laughing at how pitiful his attempt at humor had been. Then Bumblebee spoke up.

             ‘Jack just told us what that actually meant!’

             “Yeah!”  Bulkhead chimed in. “And now I wanna know what vines are!”

             Arcee, giggling, added, “Yeah, and what crocs are.”

             Ratchet felt Optimus next to him, struggling to contain his pride, and himself began to laugh. At this, Optimus let a little of that joy show, smiling and standing straight again. 

            What a funny thing to be proud of…

            But, then again, that had been the Prime’s intent.

///

*dies* I’m sorry I even wrote this please forgive me--

[recurring-polynya]

What’s your opinion on pre-canon Renruki?

I think that they already had a romantic or almost romantic relationship back in the Academy, maybe even back in Rukongai, and the reason it wasn’t explicit is because firstly it would have spoiled the endgame couples, and secondly it’s a shonen, so it’s implied.

I think they fooled around when they were orphans in Inuzuri. They grew up together, they were always together in their “teenage” years (however adolescence works for souls😅), I think it’s not impossible that they had their first experience, if just their first kiss and make out session, with each other. When they joined the Academy, they spent less time together due to their different courses, and I think Rukia’s sad expression when Renji leaves for the mission in the real world depicts that (along with worry for him, and maybe even jealousy for his achievements compared to hers). By then I think they were quite intimate, they fooled around sometimes (with the little time they had) and knew the other’s and their own feelings, but never said anything like “I love you”, or talked seriously about the depth of their relationship. If they were “just friends”, as some antis like to claim, they wouldn’t have been so heartbroken, have so many regrets and felt so guilty during their separation. And why that separation in the first place? It’s not a matter of class difference, because Rukia did talk to people of inferior status, like her Squad mates. What’s actually forbidden to people from different classes is relationships. If Renruki was just a friendship, there would have been no problem, but their bond was beyond that. Rukia wanted Renji to tell her to stay with him, but his feelings of inferiority and belief that Rukia deserved better (maybe even better than him) prevented him to do it. Their separation doesn’t feel like an end to a friendship to me, it feels like a breakup. They avoided each other because it hurt so much, and they couldn’t bear to have any relationship other than a romantic one, which was impossible once she became a Kuchiki.

After the Soul Society arc, they got back together. They were physically too comfortable around each other to be just friends, like when he basically hugged her to encourage her to go back to Soul Society when Orihime is kidnapped (and maybe he was also comforting her), or when, during the fight with the Fullbringers, he casually placed her head resting on his thigh. By then they were secretly dating, in my opinion. In the last arc they were always together, it’s so easy imagining them as a couple.

What do you think? Is my interpretation far fetched? I’d like to hear your theories about their feelings, when they blossomed, when they confessed, if they had something going on during their Academy years…

Thank you if you decide to answer!🤍

Well, as you say, Bleach is a shounen, and also I don’t think Kubo was particularly interested in including romance in the story, so I don’t think there is a correct or incorrect interpretation. It’s left to the reader to imagine what they like. I don’t think “spoiling the endgame” has anything to do with anything.

I don’t think your interpretation is “too far-fetched,” although I don’t happen to agree with it. There’s very little to go on in canon, people can fill in the gaps in whatever way makes them happy/makes sense to them. I have exactly 0 interest in arguing with people on the internet about stuff like this. I enjoy reading fanfiction that has wildly different interpretations from my own, I generally love to hear a variety of ideas, although I generally prefer the format of a narrative over Tumblr posts (funny, since I do seem to write a lot of them).

Anyway, here are a bunch of opinions. This is way, way too long, so I'm gonna throw it under a cut.

That being said, you have some really amatonormative ideas in there that I do take issue with. Friendships absolutely can be as deep and important as romantic relationships. I categorically reject the idea that a romantic bond is stronger than a friendship one or that acts of physical affection necessarily imply a romantic relationship. I actually have no beef at all with people who want to read Rukia and Renji’s story as a very strong friendship. I do think it was still reasonable for Renji to avoid her during their separation, even if his goal wasn’t romance. He wanted to see her live a better life, and didn’t want to drag her down. Yeah, sure, if he just wanted to be a casual workplace friend, he probably could have joined Squad 13 and seen her once in a while. But, especially in the early days, it would have been a bad look for Rukia to continue socializing with people deeply below her station, and I feel in my heart that Byakuya would have forbidden her from seeing Renji if he found out she was hanging out with someone from her Inuzuri days, even if it was just casual. Yeah, there exist people who say Rukia and Renji are "just friends" for the sake of other preferred ships, but also, like, so what? Who cares? That’s a lot better than making Renji out to be a bad person or trashing his character. To be honest, I am generally happy to read a fanfic that had some other Renji or Rukia pairing if it actually contained some solid Renruki best friend content (I have found a few 369 fics that do this, and maybe also in the little bit of RenIchi content I have read, so, uh, good job, my gays. This is sometimes touched on in ByaRen fics, but usually not as much as I want, althought I also tend to hold these to a high bar, because if I have to deal with Byakuya in my fanfics, they should have to deal with the Rukia-Renji friendship 😂)

Anyway, you asked for my interpretation, so here it is . These are all just, like, my opinions, man:

Life in Inuzuri just really, really, really sucks, and Rukia and Renji both have a lot of trauma and emotional hang-ups from that time. I think they forged a deep emotional connection during this time that was probably a little too codependent to actually be healthy. They had no models of healthy families or relationships. I also think they were incredibly close to Fujimaru, Kosaburou, and Mameji, and that even if they wanted to have a romantic relationship, they wouldn’t have, at the risk of ruining the more important bonds of the larger group.

In my fanfic, in their last days in Inuzuri, I do have them fool around for a brief period. It coincides with the deterioration of the bond with their last surviving friend, leading to his death. I did this for trauma reasons, because that’s how writers are.

“Communication” is probably the most important theme in my writing, and a thing I bring up all the time is that young Rukia and Renji had a thousand ways of communicating survival-based things between each other, and 0 ways of communicating how they felt about each other.

I did a post on this recently, but their whole gang was incredibly powerless in Inuzuri. They lived on the fringes of society and stole scraps to survive. I think that their number one duty to one another was to survive. In the anime, Rukia swears that she will never leave Inuzuri, that she will always stay with her friends. I think the reason she does an about-face is not just because their friends are gone, but because she realizes that she will lose Renji next, and the only way to prevent that is for both of them to get stronger. Neither of them actually wants to become a soul reaper. They do it for each other.

I think that Renji would have remained in Inuzuri and tried to make a life as best they could, but Rukia knew this was futile, and where Rukia goes, Renji follows.

I think they purposely maintained distance at the Academy. Just as in Inuzuri, their primary duty to one another is to survive and thrive. They were rejected and mocked for their low origins, and hanging out together would have made this worse. I think it hurt Rukia that Renji made new friends, but on the other hand, they were exactly the sort of people who would help him get a leg up in the Gotei. Rukia’s Academy days were very painful because she saw Renji succeeding, just as she wanted, but leaving her behind in the process. Conversely, Renji got super focused on doing well, with the idea that he could pull Rukia up behind him, except for the part where he never actually told her that.

I feel like I’m in the minority here, but so much fanfic focuses on Rukia and/or Renji being “wrong” in the scene where he tells her to go to the Kuchiki, but I disagree! Everything they have done is in order to get to a better life! It is Renji’s duty to encourage her to leave him behind. He doesn’t want to be an anchor holding her down. Likewise, Rukia knows that if she doesn’t go, she’s just gonna be a burden on him. Their relationship has always been about each of them surviving separately over having happiness together. Up to now, they’ve always managed to find each other again, although this kinda looks like it might be it for them. Do these kids need to go to therapy? Yes! Did they do anything wrong? No!

I think about this a lot, but even if Rukia had turned down the adoption (which… I’m not actually sure she could have), even the offer would have ruined their relationship. Imagine that Renji asks her to stay, and she does. Maybe they even get together at this point. Every rough patch, every time there’s money troubles, this spectre of “Rukia could have been a Kuchiki” is going to hang over them. In fiction, there is often an idea of sacrifice being a one-time romantic gesture, but in my real life experience, this sort of thing hangs around like an unwanted ghost. I can, in fact, envision a scenario where this is exactly how Aizen manages to get his hooks in Renji, by offering Rukia an unseated spot in Squad 5, even though she “isn’t really good enough to deserve it” and “taking care of them.”

I am really fascinated with Rukia’s crush on Kaien/Miyako. Bold proclamation here, but I think there is something developmentally healthy about young people having crushes on the older people in their lives, provided that said older people treat them with respect and dignity and don’t take advantage of it in any way. Crushes are, by their nature of being unreciprocated, a safe way for young folks to imagine the sort of people and relationships they want to have in their lives. I headcanon Rukia as bisexual, and maybe also a little bit genderfluid, and she had these two extremely cool people in her life, whom she maybe wanted to be and maybe wanted to kiss and maybe to have a marriage like that some day. I… like to think that their role in her life healed some of her trauma before their death caused even more.

Fully into headcanons now, but I like to think that Renji had a parallel experience, with, of all people, Ikkaku and Yumichika. Like him, they came from the ass-end of Rukongai, but they stuck together instead of bowing to the social mores of the Seireitei. It is critical to note that they were able to do this through strength. This is literally not a thing that Renji and Rukia could have done, but at the same time, Renji sees this as the kind of relationship he wants to have with a partner. He doesn’t want to look after Rukia and protect her, he wants to fight back-to-back with her and then make out afterwards. He’s still convinced that he needs to go through the proper class channels to see Rukia again, but without their influence, I don’t think he ever would have been able to say “fuck it” and turn on his captain during the Soul Society Arc.

Meeting Ichigo and dealing with his unreasonable need to protect everyone he cares about, personally, was also a huge blow to Rukia and Renji’s “I cannot allow the other person to take any risks for my sake” hang-up. Ichigo has his own traumas, which are entirely different from Renruki’s, but the one thing he had was growing up in a loving family. (Isshin has his problems, but I feel strongly that he always made his kids feel like his love was unconditional). I’m not saying that making friends with a shounen protagonist is a good replacement for therapy, but it does have healing properties.

Entirely off-topic, but I feel like Ichigo is incredibly selfish in the way of Terry Pratchett’s witches: “All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!

Where were we? Oh, yeah. I honestly think that it is unknowable when in canon Rukia and Renji confessed. I already covered this pretty thoroughly in this post. I hate the idea that they were secretly dating. Renji worked incredibly hard to get his post and I think that both his job and Byakuya’s respect are very important to him. I do not think he would put either of those things at risk like that, nor would Rukia want him to. I tend to prefer a slow-burn approached, and I honestly think they got together during the 17-mo timeskip at the earliest, and more likely post-canon entirely, although I think them confessing in the Royal Realm is the spiciest possible outcome, so that’s what most of my fanfic cleaves to.