#need papaw SO bad

[folkinsomnia]

I'm aaaall hopped up on my adhd meds and strong coffee and working on digital history project scanning on a day the library's closed (which is quickly becoming one of my Favorite Things) and my brain is spinning so fast and I have been really big on snapchat again suddenly??

So fuckin add me on snapchat (andreyuck31) pls I'm having so much fun constantly posting my cats and shit I do at work

ETA - for real if we're mutuals I'm cool with it! Definitely let me know who you are like in DMs here I guess if I am not likely to recognize your snap username

[fandomfuntimem]

Ok. Tf g1, s1 ep2.

Oh my god.

So basicly, Spike is badly injured during a fight with the decepticons and needs surgery. But it's too Risky to operate cuz it might damage his mind. So Sparkplug decides the best course of action is to transport Spike's mind into a Frankenstein's monster-esk robot body.

Note: Spike had zero say in this.

The transfer is successful, but unfortunately, Spike is (understandibly) distressed about being in a robot body.

"What have I done?" - Sparkplug

"There's something in my head telling me to do bad things," - Spike

They set up Spike with a nice place to sit and some movies to watch. Just to keep him calm until he can be returned to his human body.

FUCKING FRANKENSTEIN COMES ON, and Spike, barely able to think, internalizes the concept of being a monster SO HARD.

Eventually, Megatron shows up, and manipulation insues.

"Let us get revenge on the ones who did this to you!" - Megatron

"I can barely think" - Spike

"Then I shall think for you," -Megatron

Basicly, the equivalent of "I can take the pain away."

Spike agrees, now fully in the state of mind of being a monster and needing his revenge.

Bee calls papaw Optimus to help.

He doesn't do much.

Spike ends up shooting Sparkplug while clouded, but hearing his dad's scream breaks him out of his haze, and he saves Sparkplug!

Btw, he's welding Megatron in gun form, and Megatron is talking to him like the green goblin mask talks to Osborn.

But anyway. Spike, now in a generaly ok state of mind turns the gun on the Decepticons. Defeating them and chasing them away!

"Will you forgive me?" - Spike

"There is nothing to forgive" - Sparkplug

Spike is returned to his body, and the day is saved!

~~~

Tbh, I loved this episode. It was such an interesting premise, and it would have made an awesome three parter!

Something similar happens with Silas in tfp. Not entirely the same. Instead, he used a decepticon corpse as a life support machine. But it was the same premise as human in a robot body.

I thought it would be the classic case of character getting cocky and ending up in trouble. But the episode was weirdly realistic with Spike's feelings, and I really liked it :3

[doofus-and-dragons]

This will more than likely be the last one of these I have. So, for the last time, here is my live reaction to the final season of TMA. These will be in no particular order because ice been listening to it over the span of a couple of weeks. I only listen to it at work.

TMA S5 Spoilers ahead

The cabin episode made me so sad. The eyepocolypse had even taken away their domestic bliss

I really don't remember the trenches that well. It's not a fear of mine, so it didn't shake me or stick well enough. Still good tho

The sickness episode sent me right back to senior year of highschool. I had to take a minute KXNSKXN

REVOLUTIONS WAS AMAZING I LOVED THE POETRY AND THE ACENGING OF SASHA BY KILLING NOT!SASHA. I love it.

At first I thought the worms was about Jane again but I was very wrong. It was a very interesting take!

Curiosity made me incredibly sad. I feel bad for Eric, Micheal, and Sarah(? Trinity? I don't remember. She was set on fire by a desolation avatar I think)

Also: Gertrude x Agnes perhaps???? Or at least solemn pinning? Maybe I just think it's slightly tragic to make it so and sometimes angst is good yknow?

Roots was ok, but the only part that stuck out to me was the jealous Martin scene. I listened to it like 3 times. I kept rewinding it just to list to it.

Fire Escape was SO good! It gave me a kind of manic energy as I listened to the descriptions of the fire.

Martin in the Lonely again made me cry. That's it.

"Who's this? Your boyfriend?" "Yes actually." "Oh...so is there anyway this doesn't end in me dead?"

The Basira and Daisy stuff actually did make me feel bad for Basira. Like, it's the apocalypse and she's having a whole ass crisis.

SALESA WAS INCREADIBLE

I wonder how he faked his death... man is talented and smart, I'll give him that

Skipping ahead to Martin's domain. Loved that. My boy isn't strictly human and I love that he can't deny that fact anymore.

Martin: Something something "one of you"

Jon, being a smug theater kid bastard boy: "One of us."

Like I heard that and I imagined him smirking ominously and gesturing with both his hands

He sounded so pleased that his boyfriend, as miniscule a role it had or that martin had, was like him, and I love that for him

I'm so glad Melanie and Georgie are happy. Though, the cult does weird me out (cults give me the heebie jeebies. It was a very nice touch!)

They deserve nice things.

Also, my favorite of the Cult members was Anil's character. I can't remember his name right off the top of my head, but he was wonderful. Anil did amazing with that little cameo/role

The scene where's he's arguing with Martin reminds me of that Jojo meme with jotoro and dio, but instead of stands they have their poetry clutched tight in their fists

"I dont need a poet." No, Jon, because you already have one. His name is Martin

Of course Jon gets trapped in the ocean when he doesn't have big string martin to row him out of it XD

SOMEWHERE ELSE SOMEWHERE ELSE SOMEWHERE ELSE

Annabelle Cane is wonderful, I'm so glad Jon didn't kill her. She's so chummy with Martin up until she has to be a dramatic villain and I love that for her!

The ladder episode made me grin like a maniac manly because I would be the Martin in that situation. I love the feeling of falling/floating, but I hate actually getting myself to fall. I physically can't do it. I can barely dive into the lake from my papaw's boat

Martin, there are thousands of fanfics that dive into you two getting together without the trauma. Don't even.

NO JON THE PLAN

Hey, real elias! That's where him being a stoner comes from! Because he is one! Nice.

I love og Elias, and I would protect him with my life I don't care.

Oh wait it was just Magnus dreaming

JON NO THE PLAN FUCKING HELL

I almost cried when Martin was yelling at Jon. The boys are fighting

THE KISS HOLY SHIT ALEX SAKD THEY WOULDNT KISS THEY KISSED AH

They're somewhere else being happy and domestic now you can't change my mind

[georgiapeach30513]

A Little at a Time, Part 2

Summary:  Cole goes to far, and someone catches him…

Pairings:  Cole Turner X Reader

Rating:  explicit

Warnings:  language, fingering, groping, non con, manipulation, coercion, gaslighting, cheating, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  3.2K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics​

Your Memaw looks out the window of the kitchen, the steady flow of cars already showing up for the music picking night, and one that usually didn’t come was strutting up the front porch.  Her eyes flick towards the stairs in the house, knowing that you were not even staying tonight.  You, Poppy, and Anna Kate had decided to do an impromptu girls night out for your bachelorette party, and now here your fiancé was interacting with your Papaw who stops singing to say something to Cole.  

Pulling out the cornbread, she wipes her hands on her apron, meeting Cole at the door, “What are you doing, Cole?  You know that beautiful fiancé of yours isn’t staying.”

“I know.  I thought I could see her for a bit before she went out.  You mind?” He looks at the stairs, but stops, taking a big whiff of the spread of food that she had laid out.  “I do say, Miss Ruby, I think your cooking truly is the best there is.  Nothing smells quite like your food.”

“Quit buttering me up.  I’m not a biscuit.  You can go see her, but don’t make her late.  She rarely gets to see Poppy.  You met her yet?”

“No, I’m always working when she’s down.  I’ll see you later, Miss Ruby,” he jogs over to the stairs, taking two at a time, until he gets to your room.  Forgoing knocking as he enters in on you, and you squeal.  Your arms wrap around your front where you try to hold your unzipped dress up.  “It’s only me, Peach Blossom.  What’s got you so jumpy?”

“Maybe the crowd of people on the porch?  And then someone barges in on me while I’m trying to get dressed,” his eyes look you up and down, and bashfully you look away, trying to pull your dress fully up.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he answers, but he looks at you like you were his prey.  “Here, let me help,” he spins you around, getting a glimpse of your lingerie, before he drags the zipper up your back.  Grazing his knuckles up your spine, and starts kissing over your shoulders, “I like the panties.”

“You weren’t supposed to see those.”

“Who was?” You look back at him as he creates a trail of open mouth kisses across your back.  “Were you wanting anyone else to see them?”

“That’s not how I meant it,” his hands slide down your stomach, to your front, but you push them to your thighs.  “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“This dress is pretty.  Easy access.”

“Cole,” you turn your body around to fully look at him, “Are you mad at my outfit of choice?”

“Of course not.  It’s just odd that you would wear this out, without letting me…you know no matter how I phrase this is gonna make me sound like the bad guy, so I’m stopping.  You look beautiful,” a slow jazzy tune wafts through your open window, and he pulls you in close.  His left hand rests just above your ass, and the other holds yours.  “Just dance with me.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I am happy you get to spend time with the girls.  I can get a bit jealous that people will be looking at what’s mine, right?”

“Right,” you whisper, growing tired of this conversation already.  His hand presses firmer and lower, pushing you closer to him.

“And when I start running for sheriff, you won’t be able to go to Woody’s.”

“I know.  And you know, this isn’t my normal,” he presses you right up on him, your body flush against his, and he leans down to softly kiss your lips.  The kiss turns needier, while he backs up to your bed.  Scooting the two of you back.  

Cole lets your body take over, much like he always does, and you straddle him.  Your body grinds over him, needing any type of friction, while he slowly rucks your dress up.  Pulling off you, to watch you desperately search for some relief, “You want me to help you?” He coos at you.  You take a second to look at the clock, and there was enough time.  He was your fiancé.  Nodding your head, he pulls your dress up over your ass.

His hands knead on your tits, waiting on the whimpering of his name.  He always waited on your almost pained voice.  He wanted you weak, and unable to stop even if you wanted to.  “Lean back,” his voice was raspy, hungry for more than just his fingers in your snatch.  You lean back on the bed, and he bites at his lip at just how wet you were.  So much more responsive than his usual women.

Pulling aside your panties, his fingers roam through your folds, gathering your slick, before entering two fingers.  That’s all that was allowed.  But he knew you needed more.  Your body starts fucking his fingers, while he watches your greedy cunt.  It needed more than these measly fingers.  You were making the most beautiful sounds.  Pulling the top of your dress down, and exposing yourself.  His hard cock was right there, and your cunt was begging for mercy.  Your body rocking over him, and more comfortable than you had ever been.

He pulls his cock out of his pants, and it looks so pretty next to your slicked folds.  It was enough for him to stop fucking other women.  He had been doing you a favor.  He took out his frustrations on other women, so he got to worship you, but this was almost too much, “You getting close?” He asks, slowly stroking his cock.  Pearls of precum drip down the aching member, he was so close to you.

“Uh huh,” fuck your voice was begging him almost as much as your cunt.  You were in a world of your own.  A blissful state of pleasure.  Cole scoots even closer to your tight channel.  Pulling his fingers out slowly, staring at your little hole, and your body was searching for that penetration.  He leads you to him, before he pushes his tip in.  “Cole!” You his out at the stretch, and you were too stunned to move.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

“No.  No, stop!” He makes it only an inch before you were scrambling off of him.  “You know!  I told you, and…”

“Sweetheart, your body wanted me to do that,” you shake your head no, pulling down the skirt of your dress, and covering your tits back up.  “You can’t tell me that your body didn’t want that.”

“My body was aroused.  It doesn’t think.  I do!  I said no.  You respect that I don’t want to have sex before marriage.  You know and…”

“Everyone thinks we’re fucking anyways,” god, the audacity of him.  You struggle to reach your clutch, and start to walk out.  Refusing to let any tears fall, because you felt betrayed.  You allowed yourself to be vulnerable with him, because you thought your fiancé of all people would respect that.  “Peach Blossom, wait.”

He grabs at your arm, and you freeze on contact.  “It’s not that big of a deal.  It’s just sex.”

“What’s just sex to you, is more than that to me.  And even if it wasn’t, I said no sex before marriage.  You were trying…you took…”

“No, stop.  You know I love you, and what you’re trying to say is not what happened.  You know it.  I got carried away, and I’m sorry.  You just looked so pretty, and you were enjoying yourself, and I wasn’t thinking.  All the blood had run to my dick because I just love you so much,” you couldn’t even look at him at the moment.  You needed to get out.  Needed to breathe, and he was making it impossible.  You were going to be late.  

“You forgive me, though, right, darling?” He gives you a soft kiss to your temple, and you just nod your head.  “Where are you staying tonight?”

“Anna Kate’s,” his jaw pulses and Adam’s apple starts bobbing.  “Can I go?”

“I love you.”

“Love you,” you let him give you a quick peck to your lips, before you were racing down the stairs, and out the door.

Cole stands transfixed towards your wall, before he punches it quickly.  Taking a deep breath, he calmly walks down the stairs, but doesn’t say anything to anyone, not even your grandparents.  

Memaw peeks out the door.  Finishing laying out the food, she takes her apron off, and walks out to her husband, “Tip, did she give you a kiss before she left?” Your Papaw takes a long drag of his Swisher Sweets, shaking his head no, but glaring at Cole.  

He stands up, and heads towards your room.  He was a man of very few words, but you seemed upset.  You never left without saying goodbye, and you didn’t even look at them.  Didn’t stop before getting in your car.  He didn’t know what he was looking for.  He just knew you were acting off.  

“Tip, what are you doing?” Your Memaw was a smart woman, and you would have never left your bed looking like someone had sat on it.  It wasn’t a complete mess, but your throw was on the floor, and your comforter was wrinkled up.  

“Son of a bitch.”

“Tip!”

His hand rubs over the indented wall, and he looks at his wife shaking his head, “That man is not welcome here anymore.  And if he ever comes back, he will not be alone up here, do you understand?”

“What’s…he wouldn’t,” you had left too fast and she didn’t get a good look at you.  She was sick to her stomach, trying to make sense out of everything.  “Should I call her?”

“Just do the texting, let her know we love her.  I’ll kill ‘em, Ruby.  If he…I’ll kill ‘em.  I don’t care who he is.  She’ll be with Poppy and Anna Kate, we know that they don’t take shit off of anybody.  Cole would never pull anything out in public.  That’s what he’s doing, pulling this shit when no one is around, and breaks out the charm in public.  He wants to become sheriff, so he wouldn’t dare try something while she’s out.  But he will not be back in my house.”

Poppy throws herself into the booth, panting as she takes a drink of her cocktail, “Why aren’t you dancing?  This is your night.  You’re last time out as a single and free woman, before you become the future sheriff’s housewife,” you give her a weak smile, and look out at Anna Kate who had already found someone to start dancing with.  “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired,” you try to smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes.  “I’m about ready to go.  I’d rather be in pajamas watching movies or something.”

“That’s how you want to spend your last single weekend?” Still watching Anna Kate, you nod your head.  “Alright, let me go smoke.  And we’ll head out.  This is about you, not me and her, okay?” With a nod of your head, she leaves, and you go back to your thoughts.  Wanting nothing more than a shower, and sleep.  

Poppy walks to the side of the club, lighting up her cigarette.  Taking a quick puff when she hears a girl moaning.  Rolling her eyes when it was coming from a car that was rocking.  She turns to the side, trying to ignore it, but the girl was so loud.  Feeding some  man’s ego with her fake pornographic mewls.  He couldn’t be that good.  

“Yeah!  You like that sheriff,” oh god.  The married sheriff getting his dick wet out by the pitiful local club.  “I could give it to you whenever you wanted.  Don’t want to worry about your virginal fiancé.”

“Shut up!”

Poppy looks back towards the door, and back to the car.  The sheriff was old, and definitely married.  But Anna Kate had made the comment about your fiancé wanting to run for sheriff earlier, and that’s how Poppy now referred to him.  It was too coincidental that this man was a possible cop, engaged to a virgin.  “Cole!  Cole I’m…I’m…”

“Mother fucker,” Poppy grunts, throwing her cigarette to the ground.  Stepping on it, she twists the ball of her foot on it, and waits for the little whore to get out of the car.

“So you gonna call me when you need to get laid?” She smirks, leaning over into the window.

“I guess we’ll see,” he grunts, zipping up his pants.  He looks over at her with distaste, “You can go now,” she stomps off, while Poppy is the next leaning in.  “I don’t pick up prostitutes.”

“Not a prostitute, officer Turner.  My name is Poppy,” he finally turns looking at the girl, and she gives him an arrogant smirk, “Poppy Sullivan.  I believe that you’re engaged to my cousin.  Now, does she know that you let girls ride you out in the Woody’s parking lot?  Not too discreetly either.  She was shouting your name, and calling you sheriff.  Had I not heard your name, I would have thought that Barry was cheating on his wife again.  But no, you’re cheating on my cousin.  The one who is fucking saving herself for a piece of shit like you.”

She spins on her heels, starting to walk right to you, with Cole right behind you, “Where are you going?”

“To tell your fiancé she’s making a huge mistake.”

“No.  No no no, please don’t,” she stops abruptly, and looks him up and down.  “Not tonight.  She won’t…what do you want?”

“For my cousin not to make a mistake.  Why not tonight?  She’s been off.  What the fuck did you do?” Poppy gives Cole an up and down look, god she hated him already.  Would never be able to look at you next to him, because he sure as hell did not deserve you.  She could see the appeal of him, but she couldn’t allow you to marry a cheating bastard.  “What the fuck did you do?”

“I see why she doesn’t talk about you.  You kiss your mom with that mouth?”

“No, I suck dick with this mouth.  How many fucking pussies you got on your line up.  You fucking more than that whore, who knows your fucking engaged?  What a twat, but you are the one in the damn relationship.  And why not tonight?  What did you do?”

“We got in an argument, and…I shouldn’t have done it.  It was wrong, but I don’t cheat on her.  I just…I was weak, and…”

“You tell her or I will.  You were weak.  Uh huh, that bull shit ain’t gonna work on me.  It might work on someone like her, but not me,” you and Anna Kate step out of the club, and you immediately hear his voice.  A voice that typically made you smile, and now you wanted to walk in the other direction, but then Poppy’s voice was arguing with him.

“I would think that Poppy was getting a ticket, but Cole isn’t in his uniform.  You gonna see what that’s about?” Reluctantly you head towards them, and Cole stops talking the second he sees you.  

Saying your name, he walks over to you.  Peppering kisses on you, holding your hips, but your hands stay by your side.  You don’t reciprocate any of his touches.  “Can I pick you up in the morning?” Your head shakes no, but you whisper out yes, and Poppy grits her teeth.  Something was wrong.  “We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk about what happened,” your voice was so soft, and you felt like everyone was staring at you.  Your eyes well up with tears, and you recoil away from him.  “I gotta go,” but he doesn’t let you go, “Cole, please.”

“Say you’ll let me pick you up.”

“Where are we going?”

“My house,” you shake your head no, “Peaches.”

“She said no, mother…”

“Poppy, stop.  Cole, just let me leave.  I’ll call you in the morning,” pushing his hands off you, he finally lets go, but grabs at your ring finger, rubbing his thumb over the diamond.

“I love you.”

“I’ll call in the morning.  Love you,” just like before you leave abruptly.  Not saying anything to Anna Kate or Poppy, but Anna Kate follows you.  Her sister, on the other hand, stares at Cole with the utmost hate.

“I don’t know what the fuck you did.  I do know you don’t deserve her, you piece of shit.  You have until noon tomorrow to tell her, because when I do, I’ll make sure she knows every fucking detail.”

“You really think that’s going to make her feel better?” He asks, tilting his head at Poppy.  “You think you really know better than I do for what she needs?”

“I know that while she’s remained faithful and true to you, you’re fucking skirts in your goddamn car.  Outside the club you knew she had to be at, you mother fucker.  You’re a sick fuck.  She will know, Cole.  It’s your choice how she finds out.  And if I find out you did something to her…”

“What?  I didn’t do Jack shit to her.  She is my fiancé,” Poppy scoffs as she walks towards the car.  There was nothing attractive about Cole.  Not a damn thing.  She hoped you didn’t forgive him.  Hope that you wouldn’t let his manipulation not get to you.  While she didn’t know what he did, she knew he was manipulating you.  Was trying to do it to her, but she saw him for what he was, a disgusting, loathsome, pig of a man.  If you chose to stay with him, she couldn’t support the marriage.  You deserved so much more than this idiot was offering you.

You deserved a man that would worship the ground that you walked on.  Would worship your body, and hold it and your choices sacred.  Would honor you and your marriage.  She saw what cheating in a marriage did to someone.  How it could destroy someone.  The only difference was it was the woman that was cheating, and on a good man.  It infuriated her that there were people willing to give their all for a relationship, while the partner did everything to destroy it, and their significant other’s trust.  

Poppy could find ten men that were worth more than Cole in this one horse town, but none would deserve you.  But what Cole was doing was unforgivable in her eyes.  You would have a lifetime of disappointment and misery with him.  And she hoped your pride and a small town wouldn’t make you like most women.  Just suck it up and don’t ‘air your dirty laundry’.  Cole was worse than dirty laundry.  That laundry couldn’t be cleaned.  It just needed to burn.  And if it was up to her, she would see Cole’s relationship with you go up in flames.  Would love to get you out of here, and free from this town.  There was more out there, and better people.  All she could do was hope.  And hope that you would open up, and that would be step one.  Until then, she would still do what she had to do.  And hoped that you saw him for what he really was.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season​ @marveloustaylortot​ @pono-pura-vida​ @sstan-hoe​ @infatuatedjanes​ @missusbarnes-rogers​ @peaches1958​ @seitmai​ @smile1318​ @andydrysdalerogers​ @kittycatcait219 @sarahdonald87​ @roguediorxoxo @patzammit​ @elrw24​ @redbloodedgurl​ 

[countrymusiclover]

63 - Grandpa Nik and Grandma Maddie

Part 64

Her Life Means Everything

@mrs-fanfiction-2001 @the-big-bad-klaus @dragonixfrye @samsgirl93

Maddie’s POV

Laying on the couch in the living room of the mansion I had my arms behind my head just staring at the window with the sunlight streaming through. Nikola and Landon’s proposal was a few days ago so we all needed some time since our entire family had returned to where they were before we called them. Rebekah in New Orleans, Elijah in Paris with Hailey, Kol and my sister were traveling for two different reasons. The front door opened, making me lift my head up seeing Nikola. “Hey mom, I hate to ask this of you and dad but would you mind watching little Henry while Landon and I go out for the day?”

“Sure that should be fine. I don’t think your father will mind.” Sitting up I hugged my knees to my chest with my blonde hair falling over my shoulders.

Landon was holding my little grandchild in his arms, bouncing him up and down since he was trying to be fussy. Nikola stared down at me sitting down the go bag on the floor of the doorway. “I thought I should take her out tonight since we have been busy with this little guy.”

Swinging my legs over the couch I intertwined my hands together in my lap. Thankfully with my sister coming back for the proposal she was able to help me handle some of the things that I had been putting off. Dealing with monsters and everything left me with tons of paperwork. “I have to ask though. Why didn’t you ask your sister or your cousins? I'm pretty sure Josie would be thrilled.”

“Lizzie and Josie went with Alaric to have the weekend with aunt Caroline.” She replied, closing the front door behind her gently. “As for my sister, she said she needed to talk with Ethan and Raf about something important. She didn’t say specifically what though.”

Footsteps came up the stairs where the three of us saw Klaus coming up from the basement holding a blood bag in his hands from the fridge. We had been taking blood bags from the hospital but the ones in the school were just animals. “Hello sweetheart, what brings the two newly engaged couple to our doorstep?”

“Babysitting the little one.” I responded leaning my elbows on the back of the couch catching the blood bag into my hands. Tearing it opened I slowly started drinking the liquid liking that it didn’t freak out Landon anymore that I did this.

Klaus rounds the couch gently taking the little from his future son in law's arms. If I was still human my heart would have skipped a beat seeing him holding a baby again. I wished that I was still human just for the chance to have another child with him. That was the one downfall to being a vampire, the blood thing didn’t bug me as much as it did at first. “It shouldn’t be too much trouble for us. We did raise you and your sister after all. Go on, have your fun for the night.”

“You be nice to mamaw Maddie and papaw Nik now.” The pair left out the front door before he sat down allowing me the chance to stare at our grandchildren.

When my mother was still alive she always said getting to spend time with me and her grandchildren was the best thing ever. I was starting to understand what she meant. “I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I stayed human, Nik. That way we could have more little ones running around the mansion.”

“I recall you said you wanted to name some of our children after Disney characters. What did you say you considered calling our daughter before we found out we would have twins.” He teased me with a small smirk watching little Henry falling asleep in his arms.

Shaking my head I sent him a glare at my childhood showing through. He had been around for over a thousand years as an immortal vampire unlike me. Slapping my hands on my knees I scoffed towards my husband. “I’m sorry that Disney movies were my childhood while you were causing trouble who knows where to break your curse. As for what I would have named our daughter I loved the name Nala and for a boy I was going to name him after you or Prince Charming give or take.”

“Well I must say that you are a queen in my eyes forever and always, Maddie Forbes.” Klaus replied, nuzzling his nose against mine, making me giggle at him being soft compared to what everyone thought he was before I met him.

Henry started steering so I took him from his arms finding a bottle in the fridge slowly feeding him his food. The tiny infant sucked on the bottle with my eyes trained on the dark curly hair. He was given her mother’s eye color but looked like her father. “I wonder what supernatural creature he will be. I mean Landon isn’t a phoenix anymore. Then there’s our Tribrid daughter.”

“Whatever he turns out to be he will be loved and have an entire family to ride into battle with if it comes down to that someday.” My mate replied, coming to wrap his arms around my waist from behind. His chin rested on my shoulder making me sigh in relief in his embrace until I felt the little boy grasp my forearm with his tiny fingers making me wince seeing something enter my mind.

“I want my daddy!” A young looking version of Henry was standing in one of the bedrooms of the school. His hair was a curly mop mess reminding me so much of his father.

Another voice entered the room that I instantly recognized as our daughter, Nikola. “I know, baby. But I didn’t have a choice. We had to separate for a reason.”

“Nikola, I need to talk to you alone for a second.” Hope came into the room before the pair headed down the stairs standing out of the boy's ear shot so he wouldn’t hear their conversation. “How long are you going to lie to him until he’s old enough to understand what is really going on?”

Our eldest daughter crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know, sis. And what do you mean until he’s old enough to understand. I mean we are old enough and it barely makes any sense to us half the time.”

“Well you need to come up with something otherwise it will get out of hand.” Hope replied back.

Nikola raised her hands shouting towards her twin giving her the hybrid face when she is really angry like her father. “Enough Hope. I had to kill Landon. I had to kill the love of my life and the father of my child. It will never be an easy thing to explain and apparently you don’t understand that.”

Sucking in a sharp breath I almost dropped the little baby in my hands. Luckily Klaus moved quickly catching the baby in high strong arms vamping him upstairs to lay in his crib in the spare room. He vamped back downstairs seeing me death gripping the countertop turning my knuckles white almost. “Bloody hell, Maddie. Do you care to explain why you almost dropped our grandson on his head. We were put in charge to watch over him.”

“I saw a vision Nik…I saw a vision like I did when the twins were still inside my womb.” I stuttered out a response feeling uneasy about what I had seen. It had become known that there was a prophecy that our daughter would kill the son of Malivore, meaning Landon. “The dark day may come for our daughter….little Henry may never get to know his father.”

Klaus noticed my nerves pulling me into his chest for a hug. One hand cradling the back of my head running his fingers through my hair. Leaving the other hand to rest on my lower back holding me close. My hands were clutching the fabric of his black jacket in my fingers sobbing into his gray shirt. “Ssssh Mads, we won’t let that come to pass so long as we are protecting the school. I won’t let that boy not know his father….I’ve got you. I’ve got you, love.”

“I just don’t want our family to suffer anymore, Klaus. Fate brought us together…why do they have to suffer through their mate bond.” I muttered feeling im attempting to make me feel better. We deserved to have our daughters be happy.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

god im so fucking sick of people telling me theyre so proud of me for taking in my little sister like this is fucking easy in comparison to everything like the moment i tell them it isnt hard for me cause i used to be a full time nanny they go "well still at your age its different" like yeah and it was different when i used to give my mom baths when she came home completely shitfaced when i was 10 but you didnt see me fucking feel bad for myself or anyone tell me how proud they are of me even my mom ignored it and didnt acknowledge the factg that i took care of her more than she ever raised me LAST FUCKING WEEK but i cant be annoyed i just have to smile and go thank you im so young and naive and then they give me unsolictied advice and tell me im so strong like holy fuck die die die die and i feel so bad because this week ive been so fucked cause of work and my little sister is gone from her friends and i got enough money to pay 10 dollars for tickets to see this movie she wanted to see cause she lost her childhood dog yesterday (and i know its probably dead but when she asks me i say god is with it and keeping him safe) and i thought here i can cheer her up and then my car got stuck and then i was sitting there for an hour trying to dig it out and some guy comes up and tries to help and then he just goes well its stuck good and i start freaking out and he says that its not a big deal and i need to calm down andd i nearly fucking went nuts on him i just told him to fuck off that he doesnt know me i didnt ask to raise a child right now i had plans and dreams and i cant even fucking be mad theyre all being ruined because its not like i had the willpower and discipline to really see them through anyways and im just so fucking mad right now and i feel like ive been so mad ive just been hiding it and im so fucking mad at everyone i know and im mad at myself now my mom only calls me when shes asking for money and all my friends say you cant blame yourself about the hospitalization like you were going to kill yourself and its like no matter what i do i wasnt good enough for my little sister because now we are broke as fuck and all my friends are throwing a fucking pity party for me that makes me want to kms cause the only way i know how to feel useful (which up until this point i felt very useful because i was the sole provider for my family) is by giving money and the moment i gave a shit about my self my entire family got evicted and everyone in my life just turned the other way. MY BROTHER who fucking molested me just ignores me when i beg him to help not for me (hes never given a shit about me ive always just been some cum rag to him) but for our siblings but he ignored me and his fucking wife has the balls to like my family photos on xmas with me and my papaw and my little sister fuck them fuck them all fuck everyone i know what a bunch of assholes. everything i do now is for her. and everyone keeps trying to convince me to take my sister away from my mom.

theyd sooner traumatize my sister more than try to actually help my family. im so fucking sad and i cant even donate my plasma just to make ends meet because i have fucking PTSD AND IM TRANS and they have to get signed off otherwise what?? i might contaminate their fucking plasma ppool with my peepee genes??

and im this close to just doing sex work to get by im so fucking mad and i dont want to ask for help i just want to do things right and none of this is fucking fair but its even less fair for ema cause she tries so hard to be happy buut i know shes so sad. and i was so overwhelemed and freaking out i had a tantrum because things didnt go according to plan and that guy just stared at me and left and i realized im always going to be alone like this but the least i can do is do something for her and i cant even do that and i was so mad i couldnt hug her and i felt bad but i just needed alone time but now shes alone and i dont know what to do because i just need to be alone but i cant have her be sad and she just wanted to see this movie and they wont refund me and im so fucking mad and god. god is the only one even here for me. everyone else left cause i got "too much" from drinking or i was "tgoo mean" or i just act weird or i am too distant or im too needy and honestly i dont think i care about anyone anymore. im so fucking empty and im so fucked up that the only people i can get off to are people who look like my brother and i fucking hate him. and i want to tell him soo bad that i remember everything. i remember when he used to kiss me when i was asleep in highschool cause i wasnt sleeping i was just too scared to move. and i remember when he left for 5 years i thought it was my fault for not taking the hint and letting him have something romantic with me wit hmy fucking brother. and now i cant have a normal realtionship without having panic attacks in bed and freezing up and dissassociating and everyone thinks its so funny because i havent had sex and its like bro who the fuck would want to after that. god i fucking hate everyone right now

[howaboutcastiel-personal]

So like (10/15/24)

I have three episodes left of heartstopper and I’m trying to spread them out because I don’t want to be done with it yet, but I also need to be done with it for the sake of my mental health. Because me and Charlie aren’t the same and me and Tori aren’t the same but the show is still affecting me more than I want it too. I mean obviously it’s a comfort show, and Charlie is surrounded by support.

I’m not like him though. I think he’s one of those characters you can’t be mad at because he’s the ‘right’ kind of mentally ill. Not the fat and annoying kind who’s chronically physically ill too. And you get little bites of abusive parents or ignorant extended family, but everyone is safe in the show. It’s not like that??? I mean, my dad won’t kill me. It’s just that beatings were not unheard of and slurs are still used every day and I had to have a breather today because I had to do damage control because my alcoholic grandmother made the chili wrong and I can’t let her know that I fixed the problem, but if I didn’t fix it then dad would blow up.

It’s like all of these little things that come together to just be insane. I went back and forth for forever about whether they abused me or still do. It isn’t like that right now because I avoid them actively. Mom still is the responsible one. I resent her for not leaving him forever ago. But her idea of family isn’t any better? Even if she left him it would still be her side of the family. I don’t know. I’m just mad.

Like I can’t forgive them. Politically I can’t forgive them because it’s all conditional. They could never love me as much as parents are supposed to love a child. And it isn’t even that I think I deserve love, I just know they aren’t capable of any kind of meaningful care, and I want to be free of them. And I want to keep writing about the boys too. Cobb and Din and the problems they have that aren’t really like mine but at least I can pretend.

And I don’t want to be trans either? I want to just be happy with being cis. I hate having dysphoria and I hate being confused. Maybe it would be better off if I was like Charlie then? Like maybe I just should stop eating instead? I miss high school where I did that. I miss losing 20 pounds effortlessly and not feeling guilty about every single thing.

I keep sleeping too much and then being tired. I miss being on prednisone where at least I was awake. All I want to do now is go back to sleep. Go back to bed. Not get out of bed and not eat. If only my dreams were more bearable, too. Last night they were just stressful instead of horrifying and traumatic. They’re usually stressful, and I think they always will be? Dreams are supposed to be a little confusing anyway. I just want them to be quieter maybe. I want to rest.

But I’m withdrawing right now. My face hurts from being swelled up, and my stomach hurts and my appetite sucks. And I want to go to bed. My muscles are sore and I know these are all withdrawal symptoms but what do I even do about it? No one has sympathy. Mimi is so angry at the world too and her health is so bad. I don’t get why we all have to keep trying every day.

I think everyone just keeps up the effort for dad and papaw. Which is fucking moronic. They deserve it the fucking least of anyone ever. Papaw deserves nothing. Nothing. Dad deserves even less and I resent him. They’re racist and sexist and homophobic and transphobic and they don’t care for their family and they never have. And they don’t deserve a goddamn good thing in the world and I’m tired of their stupid faces.

That would go for Ethan too but I never see him. He doesn’t even respond to mom’s texts, but somehow I’m the fuck up kid. I don’t care anymore because I don’t even think about him anymore. It’s like I don’t even have a brother. I know my parents wish I was gone, too, but then who would do their fucking laundry?

[nomairuins]

CONNOR ON REPEAT REVIEW AND COMMENTARY

1. it boy - bbno$

Its a good song 👍 this one has been on repeat the past couple of days. very catchy and such

2. What I Want - Gregor Mcmurray

this one hit the connor charts like idk May. i say idk. i checked lastfm to be sure. i wouldnt want to spread misinformation 2 my friends in neighbors. this one hit connorworld at the same time as satisfaction which probably is somewhere else on this list. GOOD SONG ! i try not to play it around my little brother bc while hes pretty good abt please and thank you i dont want him to learn a bad lesson. which is a stupid thing 2 think JDBDJFNFN

3. Tell Me - Wonder Girls

this one has been on my list for ages like basically since march or april (it ws around the first time i got back bc lamp did a big songs haul 4 me 💚💚) but idk it came on shuffle the other day and now ive had it on loop. Mainly while i was looking at the deathnote wiki (i do this often i just look t random wikis ive doen this to 5 wikis in the past like. week. have not seen death note) so whenever i hear it i picture misa. sooo yeah

4. Lust for a Vampyr

HUGEEEEE in the connor billboard hot 100 like last month or june . somewhere in there. this one i had going with WHERE ARE THEY NOW. i surposeni was feeling vaguely spooky... great somg 👍 it makes me think abt aus for my fuckass ocs. throwing them at a wall

5. Keep Up - Karma Carr

thank you dunmeshi fandom for making me find out abt this song i love this song. GREAT SONG ! as a great scholar once said i need you working harder baby done with all the yes no maybe.

6. Lay All Your Love On Me

i think somebody annoying did a cover or something or it was a different abba song but it made me mad so i went to go listen to more abba and i got a bit crazy abt this song. GREATTT SOMG i think went crazy roughly the same time as where are they now and lust for a vampyr. smile. or im mixing it up. GREAT SONG! and also. sorry. it makes me think of aus for my fuckass ocs. UGHHH (not talking abt them bc im bad abt them (got frustrated bc my brain doesnt work) but it makes me think of cadaver sooooo hard its crazy. but its also a great song if u arent thinking about a feak. obviously.)

7. She Keeps Me Up - Nickelback

one dont mock me im a beautiful woman. okay. i was having a nostalgic phase ans while neither this song or the song i was looping it concurrently with r songs i specifically knew as a kid they did remind me of something i could imagine like. my dad listening to (possibly while hanging out with my papaw). or that i could imagine hearing one of my uncles play at a cookout. and i had just gotten back from the fourth of july. and also like funky little monkey shes a twisted trickster is a fun line SRY. me and lamp got this in a discover weekly ages back and it just stuck in my head... catchy song . sry.

8. Bad Girlfriend - Theory of a Deadman

if you listen to this song and the previous song back 2 back you will understand why i was looping them concurrently. very similar vibes. they also make me conjure a woman in my brain and i think that woman is hot. so yeah.. lets move on.

9. I Was Made For Lovin' You Baby - KISS

i kept hearing the chorus to i was made for lovin you baby in my dreams but it was a beautiful haunted woman singing it. and so basically i started lisrening to the somg a lot but pretending it was the beautiful haunted woman. COME TO FIND OUT 1 i have afalsetto now yeahhh yeahhhh lets go testosterone yeahhhh slayage. 2. the beautiful haunted woman i imagined was my own falsetto. HUGE day for connor. me and lamp looped this skng os much bc it became one of our copycat things. where we often just sit together sying the same like 8 sentences or lyrics over and over. and this entire sogn went platinum in connor and lamp world. and . sry. if i squint my eyes a LOT it can be abt my ocs. I DONT THINK ABT THEM THAT MUCH I DONTT I DONT <- liar.

10. Butcher Vanity - Vane Lily, Jamie Paige, ricedeity

i think everybody this side of tumblr is awarenof Butcher Vanity so i dknt need to explain. this and keep up i believe were huge at around the same time... Good Song !!!! it was on the top for like. a month. insane. ty to my mutual who mentioned it in a lyric game lifechanging stuff.

11. Call Me - Blondie

i did make a post abt the mishap but basically me and my mom n lamp and maybe pheebs n maybe anna were driving back from somethingorother recently. idr details. i thot 4th but my dad wasnt there so... but anyways we were talking abt one hit wonders and blondie came up so we xhecked and they actually have a couple including call me but we didnt know if the call me on blondies page was the one that goes CALL ME ! (it is) so i ws like ill put it in the queue and after this song we r listening to it will play the blondie song call me . entirely forgetting i already had stuff in my queue. so we keep being Like om time for the blondie song bc we had been anticipating it and then fucking WOOWA comes on . Not a blondie song if u didnt know. i was mocked viciously by my wicked family members... Anyways and then i listened to this song a lot after that. so yeah. Good song. CALL ME!

12. Only - Nine Inch Nails

im half convinced this will be on my on repeat until the day i die. This song is sooo me 👍 i dont need 2 get into it bc it was here In my last on repeat commentary so you know. Good song though there is no you therenis only me there is no you there is only me there is no fucking you there is only me there is no fucking you there is only me ^_^ only ^_^ only ^_^ only ^_^ . etc. stream

13. WHAT YOU WANT! - asteria

this was huge around the same time as what i want and satisfaction. and also any way u want. lamp made fun of me for listening to so many wantinf songs at the same time.. SORRY! its a good song it xactually came before what i want and satisfaction in connor timeline. probably found it in a lampstie discover weekly. YAY!

14. Breakthrough - Twice

i had a rather brief but very strong kpop moment. specifically twice but also a few other songs. like i have a couple kpop songs i like normally but idk i just got rly crazy into like. 3 twice songs and 1 billlie song. and i listened to them exclusively nonstop for a couple days. dont know what it was abt. great song though like i like it... i think its bc i fell into a trap of watching fancams and those like MOST POPULAR MVS EVERY MONTH FOR EVERY YEAR videos. and i was like writing down notes. mostly twice notes evidently.

15. Does Your Mother Know - ABBA

the lyrics in this song honestly have not aged the best not that theyre Awful idt but yk . itis still a rly catchy song . i also might be overreacting bc i get kind of panicky abt stuff like this JDNDJFN but i do like the song

16. The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails

this was on my last discover weekly so im taking this time to say its crazy im down to only 2 nin songs on my on repeat. for a while it was 4+ DJDNFJNFJF ever since i did my big (re)listen (my parents have always been into nin and they were my favorite band as a kid (i had a nin baby onesie) but i didnt like. know titles or All the songs and stuff) but now its only 2... i did the other day listen to umm the downward spiral and with teeth on loop a couple of times. but since i listened to judt like. both albums twice that was only 2 listens for each song DJNDJFNF. so sad...

17. Virtual Insanity - Jamiroquai

wasss this on my last one idr. i think i started listening to this one pretty early post me moving back (i probably had heard it b4 idr DNDNJFNF) but its good. YAY! not much 2 say. good song and stuff

18. GingaMingaYo - Billlie

ya i saw the one fancam. you know and then i listened to the full song and then i just Keptt doing that. LOL. very catchy song i like it 👍👍 i also thought the mv was fun

19. BANG BANG - K'NAAN, Adam Levine

catchy. which im realizing is the main thing abt songs isnt it.. this ones platinum ATM its been this and tell me on repeat 4 a while. good song guys. she shot me she shot me bang bang she shot me. YAY

20. Not Like Us - Kendrick Lamar

you dont need me to tell you this but its good DJRNFKNFJF the mv came out and i just kept looping it 👍👍

21. WHERE ARE THEY NOW??? - emily jeffri

ok actuallt terrifying bc i am listening to my on repeat on shuffle rn and ull never guess what song started right when i wrote the number. Umm hey we were just talking abt you all nice things all nice things... ANYWAYS as i mentioned this one was looping w lust 4 a vampyr Different sort of vibes but theyre both kind of creepyesque. IDK theyre good. it also. sigh. worlds heaviest sigh. Yeahhh i fucking think abt the freaks with this one too. UGH

22. Head Over Heels - Tears for Fears

yet another thats probably never going to leave my on repeat... this song had a big moment 4 me a while ago and like. its goid 2 play in the car with the family bc everybody likes it. everybody always likes my music bc im a princess and im beloved but this and everybody wants to rule the world r like basically the safest songs ever LMAO and also its good and so fun to sing bc its like. well iw as gonna say in my vocal range. i think i usually have to sing an octave down JDNDJFN but that makes me super euphoric SO ya.

23. Let It Rock - Kevin Rudolf, Lil Wayne

all music is on here either bc its catchy or bc im nostalgic this song is both. its like CONCENTRATED nostalgia idk why its like. One of those songs where like i listened to it a Ton during some undefined period in my childhood and then Didnt hear for a while so its like opening up an old box and findjng like. a toy you forgot abt. as opposed to other childhood nostlgia somgs that arent the same bc ive Been lidtening to them since like any aqua song LOL. thats more like my super worn out toy ive had since i was In utero. yk...

24. Not Ur Dream Girl - Precious

i have like 3 or 4 precious songs on my playlist i want more i like them ^_^ i need to lidten to more of her.. aside from this i have any way u want (first one i heard) sugar n spice and tell me tell me. YAY. i think not ur dream girl is my fav rn its so good

25. The Rest For The Wiked - Sohodolls

last vestige of my rly strong sohodolls moment. where i listened to Ribbed Music For The Numb Generation on loop. good album idt this is my favorite from it i think it might be my vampire... but its CLOSE i like this one and the others as well. this one was huge at the same way as any way u want which is a kind of funny comtrast but also i get it

26. Supermassive Blackhole - Muse

another probably permaresident... And another rly easy auxcord one. Ive talked abt it so u get it. good song its jumpscared me in 3 different pieces of media when i just wasnt rly prepared for it. even tho u think i would be. bc they were all from aroundish the same time period too... so ig it was just big then... But i didnt find it from any of those 3 media so it scare me everytime.

27. Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears for Fears

see basically everything i said abt head over heels LMAO its good 💚💚 i like singing it and stuff

28. Any Way U Want - Precious

ok actually this might still be #1 Precious song it came on shuffle while i was writing the past couple. GOOD SONG 👍👍👍 her voice is so pretty 2 me. yay

29. My Type - Saint Motel

the nostalgia it got me again... it was in a miniplaylist/challenge me and lamp made abt songs where theyre talking abt a woman where theyre like This woman sucks kind of but god i wont her. this one is a very loose fit but i wanted to include the tidbit.

30. Superbeast - Rob Zombie

this is vrazy bc it just msde me realize living dead girl is off of my on repeat. WERE LOSING BRAND RECOGNITION!!!! <- not even part of my brand anywhere (i also dont have a brand im just a crazy girl )i just rly like that song. i like sueprbeast tho. nostalgia won but its also a good song

[thrumydarkness]

The one thing my Dad wanted me to have when he...passed, was his new iPad. I couldn't find it so my mom and I assumed that my millionaire sister stole it and gave to the GOLDEN CHILD:her eldest, her son. My sister took my Dad's very expensive Art collection off the damn wall while he was still at home and very much Alive!! I got pissed BC she had the means to help with at home care but she just traveled, bought more properties and houses, and barely ever came by to see my Dad and Mom and stopped calling and going with him to important Dr appointments! She can't handle anything emotional or was in denial. "She's so busy. Leave her alone." That's what my alcoholic mother always said. Bullshit. And my Dad LOVED THE BEACH BOYS soooo much that that is the ONLY MUSIC he wanted played at his "CELEBRATION OF LIFE" and she had the audacity to try to take the painting by *Brian Wilson* (the Beach Boy & he signed it). My Dad, Mom and I all freaked out. So it stayed.. Plus there's OVER 30 extremely EXPENSIVE WORKS OF ART in our garage. But she just had to take his favorite art off his wall. I was a caregiver for my grandfather who passed 6/8/2024 AND for my DAD (cancer EVERYWHERE) & MY MOTHER (NON-functioning ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT). She was horrible to my Dad the last weeks...she said the most HORRIBLE things....

I'm used to her treating me like shit and kissing my sisters ass. I was the "bad child"- kicked out of 2 private schools, anorexic, raver/junglist during late 90s/early 2000s so definitely took drugsssss...XTC,Special K, whip itsssss, Buddha, snow..... But then focused back on my dancing (I had gone to a PERFORMING ARTS HIGH SCHOOL).... SOLo when I left my university away from home (yeah, I was in a sorority) and came back home to get an AA in Dance, join a hip hop girl crew, and was a go go dancer at a cool lesbian bar. I was happy and sober again. Just Buddha. Then I went back to university but in my home town... Getting a BA in Creative Writing/English Literature. (And started a chapter of the sorority I was in at UCF).Getting to write freely, studying Hinduism as a Christian, and starting my own brand new chapter of my sorority with new and old friends -making some new roles since we were new. I remained the Philanthropy Chair for 2 years BC I loved helping people, charity, just spending mine time doing for others!

But then I broke up with my DJ boyfriend....so I called my cousin/best friend for a new green connect and met the love of my life-the one who got away who I still see and talk to 22 years later! That's confusing.

I got off topic....

My Dad died 9/15/2024. 3 months after my Papaw and I'm broken. Completely.

I'm already on disability for MENTAL & PHYSICAL disorders.

I NEED A CAREGIVER BUT IM ONE TO EVERYONE ELSE...even my (ex) husband who has been unemployes for 7 years! So codependent and addicted.... I need to go away to a hospital!

💔😭🎗🤯⚓🐭🤟👩‍👩‍👧💚👩‍❤️‍👩❤👩‍❤️‍👨🏄‍♀️🧘🏄🌻🍓🦓🍽🔮🎭🎱🏝🏨🛥🌛🌌🌝🌈👜👑🎶🎧🎥📼📚💲📝⚖💊🚬🏧🕉♎✝♀♂♂🈂🇨🇺🇮🇹

L

[laurencodyblog]

Re-posted from 11/12/11

Fingerprints

I have no fingerprints left.

It all started a few weeks back on a Saturday when Alex and I went to hang out with his Papaw at an empty house he was working on by the lake. So Big Al and I went exploring in the back yard. That's where he made the discovery. Inside an old abandoned shed were lots of fishing poles and tackle, old rusted tools and empty gas cans. Over in a dark corner, Alex spotted something shiny sticking out of an old 5-gallon paint bucket.

His eyes got big as he went in for a closer look. I of course (being the watchful grandmother that I am) , gave the standard cautionary warnings of bugs, snakes and cobwebs. Alex wasn't even the slightest bit phased. The next thing I knew, he was pulling and tugging with all his might – the bucket out into the sunlight and dumped its contents on the ground for our inspection.

It was filled to overflowing of old, rusted out and tarnished pieces of brass and copper – that had no doubt spent the last many years tucked away in this dank, leaky shed. He and I took off on imaginary tales of how and who had collected these 'valuable treasures' (his words, certainly not mine). We were convinced that we had accidentally stumbled upon a pirates booty – or the remnants of a robber's art gallery heist – for sure. We had so much fun inventing possible scenarios and likely plots that the time got away from us. Before long, Papaw had finished his work and was ready to go. The truck was loaded and as Alex raced to re-pack his treasures and drag them to the truck, I knew he would have to convince Papaw that they were worth the effort to try and make room. I worried that all his begging and pleading would probably do no good because the truck was packed.

But as he presented his closing arguments to a hot and tired grandfather – we both saw the gleam in his eyes as he explained that he has always wanted to find something just like this. These were valuable and could be cleaned and polished up and be worth a lot of money. (So far, we weren't convinced). Then he explained holding up a bent copper fondue pot – “I've always wanted to give something like this to my mom. Something I got on my own – that no one else bought for me to give her. She collects copper, and I know she would just love this!”

He was right. She would love this. She would love that he would bravely search a dark spider-filled shed on the slight possibility that he could find something nice for her. And she would love that when he did find 'treasure' his very first thought was how much his mother would enjoy it. She would love and cherish that pot to her last breath...

So fast forward a few weeks to a copper / brass cleaning and polishing Saturday appointment with Alex and Nonna. Of course, I couldn't let him do it, because of the chemicals – so I agreed to do my best. About 6 hours later – a back aching, nails ruined – fingerprints missing Nonna presented a shiny, copper fondue pot. It is still bent, and of course still has some bad spots on it, but when he sees it, his eyes light up and a snaggle toothed grin explodes across his face.

“I knew it would be beautiful!” He says, looking it over.

“All my life, I've wanted to give her something like this.....”

Well, now he finally gets to.

I'm still a little nauseous and completely exhausted. I'm not sure my fingers will recover – and I'm entirely sure my fingernails won't. My whole Saturday is gone, my back hurts and I had so many other things that needed tending to today...

But nothing quite as important as looking at his beaming face and hearing the excitement in his voice when he told me he's found a treasure he's been looking for all his life.

Now that's ironic.

Because I've spent the last half hour telling you about the treasure I've been looking for all my life.

He has blue eyes and a snaggle toothed grin.

Lauren Cody

11/12/11

[bumbleyikes]

Mr. Anastasio,

Whether or not you believe it, digital rape exists. It is referring to unwanted, unconsenting contact to the genital area by fingers.

I say that because back in 2017, you raped me. I am unable to easily make up lies, and this is not something I would ever lie about.

In 2017, you came back to Tennessee after I had begged and begged you all of 2016 to not come back, as you are stubborn and do not take no for an answer.

You sexually assaulted me in April 2015 on your last day here, the first time we had met. You assumed that because we were engaged, it meant you could freely do whatever to me. All I ever gave consent to was kissing.

It took me a year to understand that sexual assault was the term for what you had done. During that year, I had self harmed in very dangerous ways because I did not care about my life as long as it meant I was in a relationship with you.

From November to December of 2016, I had begged many times to break up or for you to not come here, as I knew my body was trying to tell me something very bad would happen. You refused to listen to me and insisted that had you stayed home, your money, time worked to afford to come back, and everything surrounding that would go to waste.

I was terrified of you, yet I knew I had no choice but to let you come back. I knew I was not safe, as the relationship had become abusive.

When you arrived here, you were extremely rude to my family who are an extension of myself and I do not take that lightly. You treated my little sister like she was a spoiled brat, said she needed to be told "no" more often.

Funny how you should say that, as the same could've been said about you- example being you refusing to listen when I repeatedly begged you to never come back.

One of the days we stayed in my mom's Trailblazer at her work, you and I argued over whose fault 2015, the sexual assault, was. You cried alligator tears, begged me to forgive you. I said I did, because I was afraid of you.

In reality, I have never forgiven you and never will.

You acted as if my family, which would have been your family as well had we stayed together, were strangers, or not even human. You knew how important my papaw was to me, yet you blocked me with your body in the doorway from going back inside hours before he died and you refused to move. My mom would not have been late to work or it would not have mattered by a minute or two, but you wanted control.

I refused to talk to you the rest of the morning. Around ten o'clock, my mom came running to the car, and we found out my papaw had died. I blame you for the grief. I understand his death was not your fault but the intensity of the grief was no one's fault but your own.

From that day to the day you physically left Tennessee, every bit of love I had left for you was gone. I saw you as the worst person I have ever known.

Those next two weeks, you were jealous of my family's cats as I preferred to spend more time around them than you, as they had never hurt me in a way I could never forget.

You were jealous. It was so bad that you knew I was in the middle of grief yet you told me to go with you to my room.

I followed you because I knew I was no longer safe but I fawned and did whatever I needed to to survive.

During the fawning, I came to realize you thought sex was a good idea, a distraction, something you and only you wanted. I never said yes, I never gave consent, in the way an enthusiastic sexual partner- your girlfriend- would.

You wanted me to call you "Daddy", as you have a daddy dom / little girl kink. Because I had to fawn, I had to survive, I did anything and everything you wanted. I got physically close to you. I let your hand go down my underwear and felt your fingers struggle to fit inside my vulva.

I laid there, called you "Daddy", probably moaned involuntarily and begged you to continue. I knew I was in a very dangerous position and that I had no other option. I did whatever I had to do to survive.

Never once was any type of sex wanted with you. In 2015, I laid on the hotel bed trapped as you bit down and sucked on my nipples, chest bare, as I stared up at the ceiling, making involuntary sexual sounds.

In 2017, I laid on my own bed, in my own room, as you shoved your fingers inside me, involuntary sexual sounds and a climax happened that no one except you wanted.

I do not lie about things that happen to me. I did not call the cops or even tell my mom when I should have, because I was afraid you would hurt if not kill me for existing as transgender and wanting to never see you again.

I wrote the break up letter, the "Dear John" letter, because I knew to breakup in person would be dangerous and that you would cry alligator tears again.

We broke up officially May 9th, 2017 but I was mentally broken up with you since April 8th, 2016.

I do not care one single fuck about you and I know karma will get you. The world would have been a much better place if you never existed, and my life would have been a good life had I never met you.

You do not deserve pity, love, compassion, or anything good. You deserve everything you did to me to be done to you but worse.

I will never get the past 8 years of my life back. I deal with PTSD and a body that craves the pressure of your body on it, because while it remembers the feeling, it does not understand that the context is disgusting.

I do not want you to have a good life. You do not get, you are not allowed, to dictate when my anger is supposed to be gone or how long I continue to tell people, warn people, about the type of poor excuse of a person you are.

You think that whenever you get engaged or married, all of a sudden consent doesn't exist, that you should be able to have sex any time you want it, no matter what your partner says.

I do not wish you a good life. I hope you get the worst and sure, I will leave your "family" and friends alone, but I will never stop warning people about you and how you really are.

My only regret is that I hadn't had something to defend myself with in 2015 and 2017.

My only wish is that you never get to move on from what you did to me- I hope it haunts you the rest of your life, the same way your existence haunted me.

You will never be human to me. You were right when you called yourself a monster.

Goodbye.

- Lyle Victor-Adesso Johnson

[hope-hui]

Unit: Situated Studio Practices 2: The Independent Projects

Exercises

People's Experiences

Kayla (16) 

My Dad passed away 5 months ago in April just 9 days before my 16 birthday. [...] A man finally entered the room holding a clipboard of documents. I prayed in my mind that everything would be fine and my dad would be awake in the room waiting for us. But, when the doctor told us he hated to be the bearer of bad news, I just sat there as he told us that my dad had passed away. I don’t remember much except the moments where I was brought to the room he was kept in. I hated how there were wires connected to him and a tube going down his throat. I couldn’t bare to look and he felt cold, unlike the warm feeling my dad usually had. Maybe a week after his death we finally found out my dad had a heart disease and died because of a blockage in his main artery causing him to have a heart attack. After my dads death, I found it hard to go to school yet I still managed. But I feel that a lot of people don’t understand what I’m going through and expect that now I shouldn’t be upset anymore which isn’t true. I know it’s hard and I still struggle today, but no one is alone and you shouldn’t feel ashamed to talk about how you feel or the loved one you have lost.

Michaela (24)

My family which consisted at the time of my parents, me, and my two younger brothers, were driving back home after church. My oldest brother needed to go to the library to work on some of his homework, and the rest of us went home. My mom had been sick with a virus for a few months at that point but she seemed to only be getting worse as time went on. [...] Then the death sentence came: Time of Death: 22:13." Coping for the next year or so was next to impossible and I hit rock bottom about 7 months afterwards, and took me another year to fully get out of that hole I was in. The pain of losing Mom is still there 5 years later and it is still just as intense as it was then, but I've gotten used to constantly bearing that pain 24/7/365.

Madison (13)

On July 28th, 2018 I lost my mom. The sherriff of my county came and knocked on my door while I was playing with my friend in the playroom. I thought my grandma had hit another telephone pole so I shrugged it off. When my grandma came to pick up all of my older and younger siblings except me and my older sister, I realized something was off. Me, dad, and my big sister headed to the hospital and he explained what had happened. I didn't shed a tear. My dad had said: “Hey Maddy I know you really love your mom so you have to come with us so she can see somebody. The Deputy hit her car.” I said “Okay Dad. I hope she's okay.” We drove an hour and a half to get to the hospital. We had gotten into the hospital at noon. I ran in and said my mommy was there. The nurse waited for my big sister and dad. My dad said the name and we were sent to a quiet room. The head doctor came in and said " I'm so sorry, she didn't make it." I was bawling but asked if I could see her. I got to give her a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. After that I haven't been quite the same. She was the biggest influence in my life. She was gorgeous and I'll admit, she wasn't perfect, but she was my mommy. In December My Uncle died, and My papaw died in March. I really wasn't ready for that. I don’t think I will ever be the same. In early July, my friend Danielle died in a car accident too. I will never think of anything like I did before. I will also never stop thinking about them. Grief is something you never fully go through, and that's okay. I loved them all, and the closure of knowing they loved me too, is what keeps me sane.

14 April 2023

[cartoonsareawesme]

HCs of the Day - WTTT

Texas

Has a passion for cooking that he keeps low key. The others see him as just being a fan of practicality(one has to know how to cook)

As religious as this man is, I've heard my papaw swear up a storm when he's frustrated at a machine so this man Knows curse words and Will use them when something isn't going his way.

Resident handyman.

Mainly because while he respects trade persons, he only trusts himself to fix something if it's broken.

If they have to hire someone and he feels like they're getting swindled then he busts out haggling prices. Have you ever seen someone haggle like an old man looking for the deal he was promised and he actually knows his stuff? That. They may have to make a living too, but he doesn't like people cheating him out of dimes and quarters. He'll just hire them again for something else if he likes their work.

His favorite meal is cornbread and brisket. But the man also likes a good, rare steak and greens.

Can play a medley of instruments.

Can also sing.

No one knows that other talent though.

He would sing to his animals back home and on the range way back when.

Likes the movie "Home on the Range" and Golden Girls

He'll proudly say that second one too, fuck y'all he likes those ladies. They're great.

Do not play board games with him, he's unfairly good at them.

He's absolute trash at video games though.

"What does this button do? -sprints of the edge of the world- ...."

Colorado might need Help in his opinion but he likes his company, surprisingly.

Love hate relationship with Alaska. He's free to walk into his room! That's friendship.

Definitely not the grill guy at cookouts, he's arranging the sports. Like volleyball or football.

Definitely daddy issues but since Florida has a "mama and them" i think other states could as well. Texas doesn't have a good dad.

He isn't on the best of terms with Mexico but he doesn't outright hate her, she wasn't bad to him.

He keeps up pretenses around others though lest they start thinking he's "soft".

Has an obsession with appearing strong and manly.

Because of this he has a very muddled idea of what a man should Be. Just. In general. To him, the ideal guy is someone who is strong, physically. The emotions are important, sure, but to be too soft is inviting trouble, either for people to insult you for or to take advantage of you with.

He's confident that he has mastered this but then he has his moments where it just pops out("then why doesn't my dad love me")

He follows so many livestock youtube pages! So many. He regularly has 100s of videos in his notifs.

This song reached my radar this year and it's Texas vibes:

He's got a lot of mechanical prowess, he's kept his truck running for ten years. It's a shit heel but it's his truck and you can fight him if you want to replace it.

He doesn't like California. For political reasons, yeah, obviously, but also because the guy is just. The antithesis to everything that Texas is. Evangelical / Stopped reading the bible. Bible Thumping Red State / Opinionated, That™ Ally, Blue State. Yeah. They're too similar to get along often. They can get along sometimes! But that's scary so we don't talk about that.

[joyful-soul-collector]

I just need a spot to vent and I don’t feel like doing it in my journal so I’m just gonna do it here. If you want to read, tw for cancer and all the generally upsetting things that come with that

So my. Grandmother, on my dad’s side, is not very great. My siblings and cousin call her Nonnie, and our grandpa we call Papaw. Both of them are pretty religious and also just. Not very smart. Often those two things mash together. 

Anyway, 3 years ago Nonnie noticed she had a lump on her breast. Apparently she hadn’t been to the doctor in years either, not since my father was a kid. Now, if you were most people, you would go to the doctor to see if you had cancer or if it was something else, like maybe a cyst. That seems like the most logical thing to do to me anyways. But no, that’s not what she did. Instead, she looked up alternative ways to treat cancer, and fell on a website that told her if she just changed her diet and took basically snake oil pills, then it would cure her cancer. 

She doesn’t know how to look up things. She doesn’t know how to tell when websites are reputable, it doesn’t matter if it’s riddled with spelling mistakes, or if the doctor she’s looking at isn’t an actual cancer doctor. Papaw doesn’t care that she has cancer, he just says that god is going to take care of her and that if she dies then it must be god’s plan. Just like how apparently him going blind from diabetes is god’s plan. They don’t take any control over their lives. Every bad thing that’s ever happened is because god is teaching them a lesson, or because god has a plan, it’s never that they fucked up. Hell they told my dad that he went deaf in one ear because god was punishing him for becoming an atheist. They don’t fucking care what happens to them, they just blame everything on god. 

I learned last night that Nonnie has stage 4 breast cancer now. Or at least we’re pretty sure, she never actually went to a real doctor to get diagnosed. She has open sores on her chest now, and she says it burns sometimes. It’s either stage 4 or very close to it. And she still believes that eating healthier and putting on a fucking salve will cure her cancer. There’s no fucking cure for stage 4 breast cancer. Not even chemo will help now. 

She never listened to us, not even once. My mother has a Ph.D., her specialty in psychology and the immune system. She wouldn’t even listen to her, not the person with a fucking doctorate. We tried to tell her these sites were lies, we tried to tell her what will happen if she doesn’t get treatment, we tried to take her to a real doctor. Just like we did with my Papaw’s diabetes. Wouldn’t fucking listen. 

So now, she’s just. Going to die. When you get stage 4 generally the last steps are just pain management and trying to make death as easy as possible. Only she apparently doesn’t want to take even ibuprofen if she can so I guess she’s just going to die a horribly painful death then huh? Fucking great. My grandmother is going to die from breast cancer, because she believed that god and fucking primrose oil would save her. My dad is going to lose his mom because she wouldn’t fucking listen to her own family and decided that these bullshit websites knew more than the woman with a fucking doctorate degree. 

I’m not close with Nonnie really. She doesn’t like that I’m trans and she was neglectful to my dad and she’s started drama every time we’ve visited her. But my dad loves her, and he’s going to be heartbroken when she’s gone. So I’m just so fucking angry right now. Why are they like this? Why do all my grandparents have to be fucking awful? I’m so fucking tired of this shit. 

[astrangewoman]

my aunt told me the other day that people in her/my papaw’s side of the family “just know things” and that we all love cemeteries and can “sense” things there and intentionally seek them out when out of town etc. we talked about how we both can sense the energy of places and can tell when bad things are gonna happen, and how both of our partners just trust whatever we say and don’t even ask questions lmao

she’s the aunt on my dad’s side, and it’s interesting bc she’s like suuuuuuuper religious. she never came out and said anything like the word “psychic” or anything. I don’t think she would be comfortable saying that bc it might make her seem less devout.

I haven’t spoken to my dad in almost 4 years, since coming out to him went so terribly wrong, but she’s always stayed in contact with me. we both were the only two people in the room when my papaw (her dad and my very best friend in the world) died and were both holding his hands, her his right and me his left. I think that bonded us on a really deep level, even though we’re not actually very close. she’s also like for real homophobic (like she told me that she doesn’t think Marshal and I should be able to get married when I announced that we were engaged lmao 🙃), but she calls Marshal by his name and uses the correct pronouns for him so I’m cordial to her bc I feel like she may eventually see the error of her ways. honestly, I think that’s why her reaching out to tell me about the knowing and sensing was so wild to me. she can believe in that but not that we deserve basic human rights??? anyway, I digress.

I spent my whole life not knowing her or anyone else on that side of the family bc of some stupid fight that happened before I was born and no one ever tried to know me. when my papaw would try to get in contact with us, his wife would be a raging bitch about it and my dad was always a dick to him, so he eventually just quit. (honestly I don’t blame him. it was a shitty situation all around.) it would have been cool to have been able to grow up talking about this stuff though. I’d like to know more about who exactly are the ones who know things. like, were they on the Italian side or the American side? is it mostly/all women or all genders? what other kinds of knowing are you talking about? what exactly do they sense in cemeteries?

I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to her about it, for all the aforementioned reasons, so I’m gonna try to meditate on it instead and see where that gets me. we shall see how it goes! if anyone has tips on strengthening psychic abilities aside, pls lmk!

p.s. thx for reading my lil life story there lol I wasn’t intending for this post to take that route, but exposition was needed! (as usual)

[whispsofkindness]

One of my good friends who is a nurse in my hometown sent me this message and man, is it a must read… (photo clearly not of her for anonymity).

“Man… I’ve had so many rough OD/drug related cases at work lately and telling people who don’t understand it from either an addict’s standpoint or the healthcare standpoint isn’t really as impactful. So here I am oversharing with you.

I walked into work on a weekday morning fairly recently to an intubated patient who was tied down, sedated, hooked up to every device in the ER, and 4 different types of IV sedatives because we could not keep them under (tolerance) and they kept trying to yank out the multiple important tubes that been placed into their body, from the IVs, to the Foley catheter in the bladder, to ET tube in the throat, the OG tube in the stomach, to the tube in the rectum, pulling on any of them was gonna be a bad time for everyone involved. I was unable to reach any family members on the phone. I delivered them to the ICU and told the tale that was told to me about their arrival in the ER, doing fentanyl until the verge of OD, narcaned themselves, then did enough meth to go into psychosis, at which point they showed up in the ER, where we were unable to subdue them with the traditional means, B52 shots and two Ketamine injections, so, they got tied down and sedated ALL THE WAY (to the point of needing mechanical ventilation) to keep them from hurting themselves or us. Keeping a person in active addiction sedated (without tanking their blood pressure and killing them) is a minute to minute job.

I take care of homeless folks everyday, most with mental health and addiction issues. Most of the time, all I can offer is a turkey sandwich and some fresh “Rehab Reeboks”, as one of my fave ER docs calls non-skid hospital/psych ward socks😂

We have a great peer counselor from Pathways, but it never feels like enough. And if they aren’t on a 72 hour hold, it’s impossible to get them to stay long enough to get any real help.

I recently took care of someone who had been drinking so hard for so long they were probably going to die without a liver transplant that they would never give them due to the drinking, the DTs were so bad I had to lead them back to their room 15 times in a 4 hour period, and then they crashed fast and we intubated in the ER, they were bleeding internally. They were a year younger than me… When I called report to ICU the accepting nurse told me they had recently lost a 29 year old alcoholic in basically the same shape.

Then there are the folks who got off the drugs years ago, only to develop life threatening complications like spinal abscesses directly related to past IV drug use. It’s always so hard to tell them that even though they are doing great at sobriety, we have to ship them out to a hospital with a neurosurgeon available because they might need spinal surgery because they have a life threatening condition. And probably end up giving them narcotic pain meds, because it’s excruciatingly painful wherever it’s located on the spine.

One week I narcaned 2 babies on two different nights. There is nothing as scary as the slow motion cry of a baby who got into papaw’s fentanyl…

I always tell people that I don’t care what they did (drug wise) or what crimes they may have committed or be wanted for, because I’m not calling the cops unless they try to hurt me or someone else in the ER. I just need to know so I can try to keep them alive, and I mean it. I mean, I’m occasionally impressed by the crazy tenacity of some drug use episodes (see the sedated patient I first mentioned), sometimes I have to tell somebody just to share the sadness, like when we lose one, and they’re still wearing a bracelet that says “we do recover” and I go lose my shit in the break room, because that place is always empty, but mostly, I just think about their families, their parents and grandparents, their children, their grandchildren. And how awful it might be to get that call that I occasionally have to make, telling them to get to the hospital as soon as possible, and they might still be too late.”

Source: Bradshaw