#nearly all the romance i write has at least one character that is aspec lmao

[redysetdare]

I don't write romance often but on the rare occasion I am I find myself struggling most with the timeline of it. By timeline I mean in the sense of how long these character's have known each other and how long it takes to develop romantic feelings.

For instance, I have characters who have known each other for 3 years before they develop romantic feelings for each other, and even then my brain fsr says "no!! it's too soon!!!" Even though i know for fact that allo ppl happen to get into relationships after only a few months or even weeks of knowing someone. Then when i have characters who are dating i struggle to know when it's considered normal for certain things to be done (such as getting all cuddly, sleeping in the same bed, etc. I don't usually ask the question for sex cause sex repulsed lmao.) and like, I know this is just different for every relationship but I still can't help but question if I'm making things go to fast.

Tbh i know i'm more likely making things go incredibly slow compared to actual allo relationships but still....Feels like my aroaceness makes timing this sort of thing extra hard.

[corvidprompts]

Hello wise and mighty birb, I have a question. I have a character who is asexual, but I'm not 100% sure how to write this properly..

Hi!

Disclaimer:…

I’m asexual so??

EDIT: this has been edited for clarity of language, adding information in I either forgot or decided to cut initially for length or because i thought it was too technical for a how-to-write post, and all around been checked over for errors. I’ve also put in an effort to look for any internalized biases I may have had that gave this post a skewed feel, and the post has been edited in an attempt to make it more inclusive.

A big Thank You to the user who brought up these errors to my attention! I don’t claim to be perfect, and I know my posts aren’t the end-all-be-all of information. If you guys ever spot any errors in my posts, or have extra info, always feel free to reblog it with the information, or bring it to my attention. I feel like working together with your guys is one of the most important features of this blog to make sure everything is as accurate and detailed as possible, like the chain posts we’ve had on usa flag discourse and emetophobia. I really do want you guys to message me if you’ve feel I’ve messed up somewhere- I’m 18, I’m still learning, and I promise if you feel like there’s something you feel I need to learn, I will listen.

This is still written for the purposes of a how-to-write post

Asexuality is defined by a person having low or no sexual attraction to another person! This doesn’t mean that an ace person is blind to physical attractiveness, it just means the ace persons thought process might work a little differently

She was a shapely woman, with a slender waist and large, firm breasts. Her hips swayed as she walked, straight-backed and seductive

vs

She had really large breasts and they looked fantastic, but man oh man, they must hurt when she walks down the stairs or something. I wonder if she uses some kind of corset to hold them up- it would explain her stiff posture.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that an ace person is entirely blind to sex appeal, though. An ace person will probably notice more revealing outfits or the stereotypical femme fatale red lipstick, but they’ll likely focus on describing the aesthetic of the person, rather than the sort of ~emotions~ evoked by it. 

Say you have a succubus trying to seduce your ace person. Sure, most ace people (though not all) are capable of getting physically aroused. But it’ll be less like a seduction and more like

ace person: well.

ace person: time to go eat popcorn aggressively

succubus: don’t you wanna fuck?

ace person: lmao popcorn

i mean, sure. Some ace people have sex. Some don’t. It’s all a personal decision.

Asexual people tend to fall into one of three categories- sex repulsed, sex neutral, and sex-favourable.

Sex repulsed (or sex averse) asexuals find sex disgusting, upsetting, or otherwise associated with negative emotions. Sex repulsed aces might avoid places associated with sexual context, like bars, nightclubs, or comedy movies- not all of them, of course, but comedies that rely heavily on sexual humour might be out (Spy with Melissa Mccarthy for example!). Sex repulsed are the least likely group of aces to have sex at all, especially if they are also aces with low/ no libido or low/ no physical arousal.

Sex neutral aces have no strong feelings about sex, the same way one might have no strong feelings about unloading the dishwasher. It’s something one might do if their partner or friend is into sex, or if the person in question has a higher libido. Sex neutral aces might not be bothered by sexual content in low doses, but still might seek to avoid things containing a great deal of sexual content.

Sex favourable aces are usually fairly on board with sexual jokes and references- essentially, while a sex favourable ace doesn’t feel attraction, they’ll probably be just fine with engaging in sexual humour. Sex positive aces are the most likely aces to have sex, especially one night stands or those sort of things.

Another thing to note is that asexual=/= aromantic. With most sexualities, you can kinda assume that the romantic and sexual preferences line up, but not with aspec stuff!! that’s why you hear phrases like ‘ace lesbian’ ‘aromantic bisexual’ or ‘aroace’. This isn’t a post on aromantic people who aren’t ace, so I’m only including info on or applicable too aroace folks

A non aro ace person can still feel crushes and romantic love! Hence non-aro. There might be some stress on the ace character to feel sexual, or they might feel underdeveloped or not ready despite knowing they’re ace. There’s also a lot of pressure from the media and societal norms to have sex once in a relationship. Even if the relationship is healthy and loving and full of good communication, the ace person might still feel like they ~arent doing enough~ since there’s no sex. 

An aromantic ace person won’t have crushes at all! No romantic tension, no sexual tension. Some aromantic people feel alterous attraction, which is often described as being like friendship, but more intense and deeper, with the added desire to touch (like holding hands or snuggling), but not as passionate as romance. Some aroace people might think that it is romance, and end up in a relationship that they’re uncomfortable in. Some aroace people can also be aplatonic, which means they don’t desire any kind of companionship. It depends on the person my man

a ~bad~ example of an aplatonic aromantic is voldemort. Often times villians are aromantic and that’s used as a~motivator~ of their ~evilness~. please don’t do this.

Aromantic people also fall on the romance repulsed/neutral/positive spectrum

A lot of ace and aroace people struggle with microaggressions like ‘You’re just a late bloomer’ ‘people just aren’t people without love and sex’ ‘unmarried people must be so unhappy’ and the fact that nearly all media involves a romance plot and the majority include some kind of sexual references if not a blatant sex scene. 

You know how everyone is touting wonder woman as god tier? Yeah, I loved it, but man I’m so sick of that kind of moral lesson of ‘love taught me goodness’. A very aro-unfriendly movie. (see the voldemort comment above)

A lot of language is full of microaggressions that are tough to notice. These things can also be subjective- when i first wrote this post i used the phrase ‘non aro aces can feel crushes fine’ to mean than non aro ace people would still feel crushes, but the phrasing is confusing and subjective, and can be hurtful. The phrase ‘just friends’ irks me, and I know I still use it since it’s such a common phrase and view of platonic relationships. It’s extremely tough to cut such phrases from your vocabulary, especially if you aren’t in a place where you can be open about your id and have to perform heteronormativity in order to ensure your safety.

lastly: JOKES!!!! jokes r the cornerstone of an ace character. Cake jokes, food jokes, exaggerated flirting between friends ect ect. Jokes make a character!!!

I was given these links by the user who asked me to edit this post, and I definitely think they’re worth checking out. This is one on asexual people with no libido or arousal and this is one on the ace experience

Hope this is helpful!!