#nde tag

[rainscenes]

I remember falling.

4.13 | Suspicion 6.12 | Recovery

[setmeatopthepyre]

several sentence sunmonday

I was tagged by the wonderful @iphyslitterator and since I was spontaneously possessed by an idea last night I actually have a tiny bit to share

It's 8:39 PM when Tommy walks out the door, leaving Buck behind in a daze, and he swears he can feel his heart sink to his stomach.

It's 8:39 PM when Tommy walks out the door, leaving Buck behind in a daze, and he swears he can feel his heartbeat in his lips.

It's 8:39 PM when the tail rotor fails.

It's 8:39 PM when lightning strikes and stops his heart and he keels over the edge of the ladder, falling, falling, falling, until he hits an abrupt stop at the end of his line.

It's 8:39 PM when a silver truck swerves and spins off a dark and quiet road.

It's 8:39 PM when they call time of death and a family breaks in ways that will never be repaired.

It's 8:39 PM when the first call comes in to the 9-1-1 dispatch center.

It's 8:39 PM when lips press against his and for the first time it doesn't feel like lying.

It's 8:39 PM when he doesn't reach up to take his hand and becomes his first loss. His first loss he remembers. All he had to do was take his hand.

It's 8:39 PM when a father and son are reunited and he realizes he didn't lose him, he didn't lose him.

It's 8:39 PM.

Somehow it's always been 8:39 PM.

no pressure tagging @sugarpenchant @cliophilyra @autisticbucktommy

[quintessenceofdust88]

Ohhhh it’s so hard to choose—

🍼🍼🍼🍼 & 🚁🚁🚁🚁

(It wasn’t hard at all you’re doing my two of my favorite things!!!) 🤣🫶

HAHAHA and then you chose both, I love that! Thank you smmm for sending them and for the tag <3 Let's start with 20 sentences of Little Blobs for you:

“Hen, you don’t think I’m…” Buck can’t even say it; the possibility had never crossed his mind, and yet… It feels like his brain is short-circuiting as he revisits his latest symptoms in his mind. 

“Well, why not? You are a carrier, aren’t you? You told me that when you were debating if you could be a surrogate to your friends” She says, and Buck nods dumbly. “And, well, I know you and Tommy get… busy with each other very often.” “We…Well, yeah, but I take birth control” Buck says, frantically recalling the last few weeks in his mind and wondering if he could’ve forgotten to take the pill at some point. And then it dawns on him how frantic their wedding day had been, and yeah, he doesn’t remember taking it on that day. Or the day after. Or during their weekend honeymoon in San Diego (they had been… busy, as Hen would put it). “Oh, fuck, Hen, what if I’m pregnant?! I can’t be pregnant right now, it’s not the plan!” “Buckaroo, I don’t know what the plan is, but life doesn’t tend to care for it. Maybe you’re not; I’m just saying it’s a possibility and you should check it” Hen says placatingly. “If it’s positive, you and Tommy will figure it out; if it’s negative, you owe me 30 bucks for the tests”

--- And now for 20 sentences of CRASH!THAT!HELICOPTER! angst:

“You found your present” He says dumbly, his eyes not leaving the burgundy hoodie that’s so beautifully wrapped around Evan’s frame, making him look as cozy and adorable as Tommy expected. And, well. It might not have been the smartest thing to say, but he supposes there’s a lot of morphine going through his body right now. 

“Well, yeah, after you told my sister where it was as your helicopter crashed? After you wished me Merry Christmas and Happy New Year as your parting words?! It wasn’t so difficult” He answers with a somewhat hysterical chuckle. “What the hell, Tommy?! You’re too much of a coward to actually let yourself be loved and see a future with me, but not to send a farewell message to me through dispatch?! You’re unbelievable!”

“Buck…” He starts, but it’s clear he won’t get to say anything this time. For one, his brain is still working a little too slow to translate thoughts into words. Evan seems to notice it, and lets out a defeated sigh. 

“We… We’ll talk later, ok? Let’s get a doctor to check on you first. Sorry, that should have been the first thing I did” He says grumpily, and presses the button by Tommy’s bed. 

From them on, it’s a flutter of doctors and nurses, and Tommy learns the extent of the damage: a broken femur, at least five crushed ribs and a small concussion, not to mention the thousand bruises that turned his whole left side black and blue; he hasn’t looked at a mirror yet, but it can’t be pretty.  --- I hope you like it and have a wonderful week, my dear <3

[emgiehae]

No ty 🩷

I don't need to know how long i was on ao3 thx 🩷 thats between me and satan when i inevitably go to hell for my ao3 history 🩷

[toddandersonn]

Say what you will about Taylor, but saying that she doesn't have interesting melodies and a nice voice is always so ??

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | January 20th-26th 2025

On time this week, woohoo! And less thsan 40 days until season 8B !!

Special mention to all of @tizniz's drabbles that I've been reblogging, which you can find on her tumblr or on ao3 at E & E: A Buddie Drabble Collection !

Let me know if I'm missing a tag for someone!

Complete

home is where you've called my name by atlasblue85/ @atlasblue85 (Post-S8E8: Wannabes | 3K | General): Buck plays a game with himself. It goes something like this: for every house Eddie outright rejects, he adds an item to his list of why Eddie shouldn't move to El Paso. He doesn't know what the threshold is, that magic number that will make him finally speak up and express his thoughts to Eddie, but until he finds it, this is how he's coping. They're up to nine so far. Nine perfectly good houses, nine reasons Eddie shouldn't go.

you're a dog (i'm your man) by withmeornotatall / @chronicowboy (Dog Shelter AU | 3K | General): "Hey." He turns around, leans against the doorframe, tries to look casual. "Maybe, only if you're free of course, you could come round and let Chris pick out a band aid for you tonight. Don't want you bleeding out before you can get your Spider-Man band aid." Buck lights up like the fucking sun. Oh no. Eddie has one rule: never take a dog home. But he thinks Buck might be worth the risk. (OR: eddie is a dog trainer with patience, buck is a shelter worker with more bark than bite)

🔥 My Mouth Don't Move When I'm In Too Deep by taegyungie (PWP, Semi-Public Sex | 7K | Explicit): But here’s the thing: Eddie’s taken giant mouthfuls of life and chewed every last one of them up. He’s taken enough, he’s still taking enough - he doesn’t want to be the one to ask for it. All he can do is offer himself up, over and over, and hope that Buck will finally get the hint and dig his claws into what’s been his from the very start.

🔥 Five Years by aubrey_writes (Blip AU | 8K | Mature): Buck gets blipped. Eddie's left behind. A love story told through what Eddie did in his absence.

Liminal Space by ameliahart (NDE, Getting Together | 8K | Teen): Eddie Diaz dies on a sunny afternoon in January. It seems fitting, he thinks, that it should happen like this: trapped beneath three floors of a collapsed apartment building, a piece of rebar through his right lung, and his eyes on the love of his life. Because of course Buck is here with him, watching horrified as Eddie’s love and life bleed out around him.

Buck, Bedbugged and Bewildered by writedontfight (Post-S8A AU | 8K | Explicit): Buck gets bedbugs, so he's staying at Eddie's until they're gone.

🔥 everything you need (put all you need in me) by jaekyu (PWP, FWB | 9K | Explicit): Eddie imagines it. The faux-domesticity of grocery shopping with his best friend and full-time fuckbuddy, filled up with come like a jam donut or something. It would be kind of ironic. It would be definitely, wholeheartedly, totally erotic.

My boy only breaks his favorite toys by paleredheadinascifi (Amnesia, Post-S8A | 10K | Teen): Eddie wakes up five years in the future. It turns out five years is all it takes to ruin a friendship and run your life into the ground. Or, Eddie gets hurt and his apparently now ex-best friend Buck hops on a plane to El Paso. They figure out what the fuck happened together.

🔥 Firelight by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Post-S7, Monster Eddie, HOH Buck | 61K | Explicit): When, in the worst of missing Christopher, Eddie suddenly finds himself having literally turned into a monster, Buck - who is also dealing with a newfound hearing loss diagnosis - is willing to do anything to protect him. Even from himself. OR: Eddie is a creature from Swedish folklore, feat. HOH!Buck

WIP

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 35/? | 23K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

35. 44. A goodbye kiss, but neither of you can quite let go 

🔥 An Angry Blade by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-8x05: Masks, Cursed Buck | 1/6 | 8K | Mature): Buck finds out that the curse of Billy Boils is VERY real, and far more complicated and dangerous than he could have expected.

🔥 Gentle On My Mind by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Shannon Lives, Buck/Eddie/Shannon | 12/? | 76K | Explicit): In which Shannon lives, tells a lie, and sends hers, Eddie's, and Buck's lives down a very different path.

🔥 Doe & a Drop of Golden Sun by ohstars/ @oh-stars (Canon Divergent, Dad Buck | 8/? | 37K | Teen): Buck doesn't mean to keep secrets from everyone, but he also can't talk about the pain he experiences on a day to day basis. With his nine-year-old living across the country and his custody limited to one monthly visit, Buck doesn't know how to share this part of himself. How does he tell his team of six years that he's had a kid this whole time? How does he tell his sister? How does he tell his Edd-- best friend? It's fine. The universe isn't going to give him a choice in the matter when the worst thing imaginable becomes his reality.

Podfic

Sunlight is Fire (Burning is a Matter of Degrees) by Favourite_alias // fic by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Incubbi Buck, FWB | 1-1.5h | Explicit): In the wake of Buck's leg injury, Eddie learns that his friend needs some unusual methods to help him recover. Eddie's willing to do whatever it takes to help Buck, and it's not like this could make his quiet pining any worse, right?

Bed Sharing Concerto in Monsterfucking No. 3 by Favourite_alias // fic by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Werewolf Eddie, Human Buck, Only One Bed | 10-20min | Explicit): Buck has the worst fucking luck. His only consolation here is that Eddie’s with him, so at least he’s not alone in a cabin with no Wifi, no central heat, no cell service, and no proper winter gear. The water works, the pipes haven’t frozen (yet) so at least he can get briefly clean. He’s so focused on scrubbing the day away that it’s not until he gets out and heads into the bedroom that he realizes— There’s only one bed.

A Chorus of Howls by Favourite_alias // fic by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Werewolves, PWP | 10-20min | Explicit): Buck is running through the woods. He’s on two feet, four, two again, dodging around trees, kicking up dirt, leaping and landing hard. Behind him, sometimes, he thinks he can hear another set of feet—a glimpse out of the corner of his eye, black on black, shadow on shadow— There. There. He can smell his pursuer’s blood and he runs faster, fast as he can. He’s not going to lose. His blood is up and running and so is he.

Duet for Two Monsters by Favourite_alias // fic by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Werewolf Eddie, Succubus Buck | 20-30min | Explicit): Buck’s been meaning to tell Eddie for a while, now. Especially now that they’re both single again. He needs to tell Eddie, because he’s pretty sure—he thinks he’s sure—that Eddie loves him back. And he won’t be intimate with Eddie without telling him. Of course, it’s a bit hard to start that conversation, on a logistical level. Hey so I have horns and a tail and feed off people’s orgasms, fun, right?

🔥 [Podfic] Buddie, It's Cold Outside by diazaster287 // fic by terranobis (Christmas, Hallmark AU | 1-1.5h | Not Rated): Big City businessman Evan Buckley travels to a small town Christmas Village in an attempt to save his personal and professional life, but when he meets the local father Eddie Diaz, he finds that he just might get the greatest present he could ever ask for.

[sonofatoasterwaffle]

sweet like honey, tastes like home

🍯 blood kink 🍯 eddie nde 🍯 bottom!eddie & service top!buck 🍯 freak4freak

AKA the blood kink fic

“Eddie,” He says again, pulling back to look at Eddie’s eyes, trying to see if he’s there, if he’s doing this for real. “You’re–”

Concussed. Bleeding. Scaring me.

“Buck,” Eddie begs, fingernails digging into Buck’s shoulders, eyes wide and imploring. “Thought I wasn’t going to make it. Thought I was going to die before I got to, please–”

Eddie doesn’t ask. He never asks. He’s asking now.

OR

Eddie has a close call at work that ends with both of them bleeding and desperate for each other in more ways than one.

read on ao3

tags for those who expressed interest under the cut <3

@dracculaura @playinginthunderstorms @dadbodbuck @semperama @shealwaysreads @pairofraggedclaws @livesbetweenpages @lookforanewangle @divine-victory

[spicycinnabun]

@118dailydrabble for day 55 prompt mayday ✖ rated: t ✖ pair: buck/tommy ✖ tags: post-breakup, tw nde, hospitals

The last thing Tommy remembered was transmitting a Mayday to ATC. He'd only done it to inform them to clear the airspace. His voice flat, eerily so, as his life flickered before his eyes. Maybe it was the shock. Maybe the inevitable doom.

All he could do was hold on, breathe, wait. He wasn't going to make it.

Would anybody mourn him?

Buck probably would. Fuck, Evan would.

He shouldn't, for his sanity, but he would.

Evidence of that was glaringly obvious when Tommy woke up. He was foggy as hell, but the IVs indicated where he was. Evan was slumped over in a chair by his bed, his tear-stained cheek pillowed on the back of Tommy's hand.

[buckleyflower]

running, walking, crawling (back to you)

affectionately also known as the Buck NDE while Eddie is in Texas fic | 18.4k | on ao3

Then Buck shrugs and flips the screen instead of verbally answering.

Eddie sees that he’s having breakfast too and that about shatters his already unsteady heart.

God. Buck FaceTimed him to have breakfast together. What are they? Long-distance lovers?

“Oh, you– I see,” he chokes out. “What do you have there?”

He feigns a nonchalance that does not belong to him in the slightest.

Buck smiles and takes a bite of something that Eddie can’t exactly identify. Then proceeds to talk through a mouthful and Eddie knows he’s fucked when he wishes he were there, instead of somewhere in Arizona.

“You’re disgusting,” he tells Buck, while Buck explains that he’s eating leftover banana bread and Eddie can see the way he’s (admittedly disgustingly) chewing, and he’s hit with the realization that he’s been dreading since he dropped everything — mustache and every carefully crafted façade — and started dancing in his living room not long ago: he wants this man and this man only for the rest of his life.

And he doesn’t care if he can’t have him, if Buck somehow doesn’t want him back, he doesn’t care about the way Buck has to stay in his life as long as he doesn’t have to find out how to navigate through life without Buck.

The road trip to Texas has solved one of his many problems, it seems. He’s come to terms with his love.

sweet people who asked for a tag: @manic-mind22 @hunter-lilith @shay092019 @fluroscenthibiscus @emgiehae @number1birby (sorry if I missed someone)

[rainscenes]

I was just the guy standing there when it happened who couldn't do anything to protect him.

[setmeatopthepyre]

wip wednesday

tagged by @ambernotember <3 | part of this

-

Stars move across the domed ceiling while the narrator continues to explain how many light years it would take to cross the solar system, but he's only half listening. He keeps stealing glances to his right, to where Sam is sitting, thigh pressed against his. They're off to the side, leaned against a wall, because there aren't enough chairs for the three high school classes they've packed into the planetarium. He doesn't mind. Here, at the very edge of the room, it's dark, and they're practically invisible to the others, and they're close enough to where the dome slopes down and meets the floor that he swears he can see the stars reflected back at him in Sam's eyes when Sam catches him looking. Later, he'll deny it ever happened, and Sam will change schools, but right now it's 8:39 PM and it's dark and he's the bravest he's ever been and he kisses Sam and Sam kisses him back.

Sam kisses him back. Sam kisses him, but not this Sam. Sam kisses him but she's not a boy in the dark in the planetarium, she's the runner-up for homecoming queen and in three months time she will move to Germany and he will never see her again but now, in this moment, Sam kisses him. Sam kisses him back. Sam is a boy and he kisses him back in the--

Darkness eats at the edges of his vision when he blinks his eyes open again.

-

hmm I need a working title for this one working title is 8:39 fic lol thanks @beanarie !

no pressure tags / no clue who has been tagged before: @sugarpenchant @autisticbucktommy @epiphainie @iphyslitterator

[devirnis]

2024 Fic Roundup

tagged by @eddiebabygirldiaz @try-set-me-on-fire @exhuastedpigeon <3

This year, I wrote 19 works with 134,532 words! Thank you to everyone who read, left a kudos & a comment!

January

pink and black and blue | buddie, 1.6k

Eddie gets a black eye at a softball game and Buck kisses him about it

we could be corny | buddie, madney, 1.6k

Chim & Maddie have Buck & Eddie over for their first couples games night

a little of that human touch | buddie, 1.5k

Some cuddling at the firehouse in the early stages of a relationship

February

let you set the pace, ch 2 | buddie, 11.2k, explicit

The second day of free use Buck

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand | buddie, 1.3k

Short season 7 spec with NDEs for Eddie & Buck

March

The Shadows of Every Spark | buddie, madney, 22.9k

The mob restaurant front AU

it's a sliding into home kind of day | buddie, 3.1k, explicit

Eddie's just trying to watch a baseball game

April

'Til the End of the Night | buddie, 8.5k

Buck & Eddie's first date night gets off to a bad start

come and save me from it | bucktommy, 6.1k

Tommy gets to experience Bad Luck Buck when Buck comes down with appendicitis

May

Why Can't I (Breathe)? | buddie, 5.4k

Buck has a bad allergic reaction at a call

July

Five Alarm Fest

kiss the cook | bucktommy, 2.4k, explicit

powerful with a little bit of tender | bucktommy, 4.6k, explicit

melting on my lips | buddie, 3.3k, explicit

let me desecrate you | bucktommy, 3.9k, explicit

drown in my mind | buddie, 2.6k, explicit, omegaverse

September

soothe me daily | bucktommy, 2.1k

Buck injures himself on an avocado and Tommy struggles with asking him to move in

October

never shall me chaste (except you ravish me) | buddietommy, 6.8k, explicit, rape fantasy

Eddie & Tommy pretend to be home invaders who have their wicked way with Buck

Meet Me In The Dark | madney, buddie, 14.8k

Sequel to the restaurant AU where Doug kidnaps Maddie and Buck

December

got these words on the tip of my tongue | bucktommy, 18k

Fix-it fic wherein Buck is sleeping around to cope, Tommy accidentally witnesses it (the first time), and Tommy and Eddie have a series of phone conversations

tagging @princessfbi @homerforsure @bigfootsmom @monsterrae1 @lonelychicago @underwaterninja13 @father-salmon @honestlydarkprincess @sibylsleaves @glorious-spoon @firehose118 @middyblue @alchemistc @rcmclachlan @queerdiazs @lemonzestywrites @freewayshark @daffi-990 @tizniz @bidisasterevankinard @jesuisici33 @loucifersbitch @diazheartsbuckley @laurenttheninth @watchyourbuck @spaceprincessem @colonoscopys @kirkaut and anyone else who wants to play!

[glorious-spoon]

WIP Wednesday

nobody tagged me, so i'm tagging myself! this is from a buddie NDE prompt fill that is somehow turning into an eddie and chris fic, oops

"Eddie," his mom says. "We need to talk about this." "Maybe in the living room?" his dad finally interjects, with a pointed nod at Chris's closed door. Eddie bites down on the side of his tongue until it hurts. Then he nods, very deliberately. "Sure. Sounds good." There's a chess set on the sideboard, a stack of YA library books next to the couch, a new picture frame with Chris's school picture—Eddie has a copy, too. His parents mailed it to him in October, after picture day. He's wearing a striped shirt and a solemn expression, but in the picture next to it he's smiling—swim trunks on, towel slung over his shoulders, beaming in the sunlight. Eddie's pretty sure it was taken at his birthday party, the one he got to experience all of thirty seconds of from another state. "Would you like something to drink?" his mom asks. "No," Eddie says. And then, grudgingly, "Thank you." "Fine." She presses her lips together. "Eddie, I don't think this is a good idea." "Oh? Why is that, exactly?"

no-pressure tagging @phdmama, @alessandriana , @fraddit , @changingthingslikeleaves , @sibylsleaves ,

@homerforsure , @ponyregrets , @daffi-990 and anyone else who'd like to play!

[livingincolorsagain]

wip wednesday

thanks for the tag @luins!! <33

from a wip that is fondly titled ‘funeral fic’ ft. dead phillip buckley, buck who is going through it, complicated feelings, past nde, Angst, typical buddie behaviour, a few bad decisions, a lot of flashbacks and More. whether or not i will ever finish is still up in the air, but i really want to, so there’s that at least

He opens the window. The sun is dipping low, taking the last, weak touch of warmth with it, leaving him with nothing but the bitter chill of the wind and the muffled voices of everyone in the house.

There’s an ache in Buck’s chest, something disfigured. Like a piece of grief that someone took apart and then put it back together all wrong. Like an open gap of guilt, growing, all its edges rigid and twisted and sharp. He’s doing it all wrong, he knows. He doesn’t know how to make it right.

He doesn’t turn when the door creaks open.

Somehow, he knows.

“I thought you had skateboards on your walls,” Eddie says, not really stepping into the room, his voice warmer than any sunlight, brighter than the clear sky; the bitterly cold wind doesn’t stand a chance, because Eddie has always been more beautiful than anything Buck has ever deserved to see.

“I did,” Buck says, turns to look at him despite knowing better, finds Eddie already staring, the look on his face is an open wound, but his smile is still soft.

“Hey, Buck,” he says. The suit he’s wearing is black and form fitting, perfect in the way everything about Eddie is. “You… fled before I could say anything.”

no pressure tagging: @saryasy @confessionseddie @buick118 @letthesunburnyourskin @abarbaricyalp @inell <3

[air--so--sweet]

I read a fic recently and now I can't find it and I've used every tag combination I can think of and I couldn't find it looking through mu history on ao3 so dropping as much info as I can here in hopes someone knows what it is.

Eddie is in El Paso and gets seriously hurt on a call and leaves Buck a voicemail telling him he loves him and to look after Chris and he also records part of the message specifically for Chris . As soon as Buck gets it he flies out to El Paso. He's on shift and Chimney uses Alberts air miles from flying to and from Korea to book his tickets. When he gets there he has to deal with Ramon and Helena being unhappy that he's Eddie's medical proxy and that Christopher wants to stay with him and not them and also that if Eddie dies he'll be Chris's legal guardian. Once Eddie does wake up he's still in hospital for quite a long time because he was impaled (I think) and burned badly enough he required skin grafts. The rest of the team chips in to create a PTO fund for Buck so he can stay in El Paso as long as he needs.

That's everything I remember, please someone know what this is because it was really good and the most realistic NDE fic I've ever read in that Eddie was still very unwell onve he wakes up and has to do rehab etc. and now it's like it disappeared

Edit: I remembered an additional detail, Adriana has an unplanned pregnancy and she has a conversation in the hospital with Buck about how Eddie said he would help get through the situation, whatever she decided and now he's hurt and can't help her and Buck says he'll help her.

I once posted two about a TUA fic where all I remembered were two incredibly vague scenes and someone figured it out. I remember song much of about this, someone must know what it is, surely?!

Edit; It's been found! It's There is No Road by @ghostlandtoo

[cloudsurfing42]

Ficlet, post 8x06 Buddie nde.

Tags: angst, injury

Eddie doesn’t know what brand of absolute fucking stupid it takes to decide that bow hunting within shot of a walking trail is a good idea, but Jesus. Bows and arrows like this guy thinks he’s fucking Robin Hood and him and Buck - it had been a nice morning. Eddie was still almost high on joy - not even joy, not really, just the idea that he could have it if he wanted, so close to grasp that it felt intoxicating. At Eddie’s house, early enough in the morning that the sky was still murky blue-orange, Buck had his post-breakup brave face on and Eddie thought - fresh air. Exercise, get them both out of the house. Hiking.

There had been almost no sound. A thud, soft and solid, and Buck had stopped talking. Then a shout, from a distance, a man running towards them and Buck was on the ground.

They weren’t that far out of the city, but far enough it’ll take a minute for the EMTs to get to them - he knows Robin Hood called them, can hear him choking back wet, guilt-ridden platitudes down the phone to Dispatch. And meanwhile, Eddie is holding Buck’s insides in with his hands. There’s blood everywhere, soaking them both and the dirt that he’s kneeling in, and this is taking too long.

Eddie can see just for a moment in the corner of his eye, still frame, Buck’s funeral. Chris, eyes downcast, in a new suit. They’ll have to go shopping - he’s gotten so big nothing fits anymore. He’ll hate that. And Eddie - Eddie scooped out and hollow and with no one by his side. Not that day or the next day or any of the other days of his entire life, Buck not there. He’s meant to be finding joy. How the hell can there be joy when he’s cut in half, fundamental piece of him taken away?

Buck wheezes underneath his palms and Eddie’s hands, slick and blood hot, slip a little. Eddie sobs, hiccups, presses down again, hard. His face is wet and he’s not sure if it’s blood or tears. He thinks – hopes? – thinks he can hear sirens in the distance. He glances up to make some sort of reassurance, an it’s ok, it’ll all be ok, but he sees Buck’s face, pale, blood specked lips and eyes fluttering fluttering closed. Prepackaged reassurances don’t come out, instead it’s this voice he can barely own as being his: “You’re not going anywhere. You can’t leave me now, not like this, don’t leave - Buck don’t leave me - ”

There are definitely sirens now, Robin Hood is shouting and waving his arms. Eddie hears the crunch of tyres and the slam of doors. Eddie can’t see them, can’t look up - away. A scattered few seconds, a few sluggish heartbeats and someone else’s hands are pushing away his hands and there’s pulling at his shoulders and Eddie goes, he goes out of their way but he still can’t look away as they get to work. A woman in a Captain’s helmet is talking to him but he can’t hear. He thinks he’s shaking.

Later, some amount of time that Eddie hasn’t been able to measure in minutes but only in the breadth of the gaping mess of his life imagined without Buck in it - Later. He recognises that he’s sitting in one of those awful fucking hospital chairs. It’s warm and the lights are low; it might be night time, Eddie can’t be quite sure. He’s holding Buck’s hand, too tightly, he knows - but he can’t seem to ease the grip of his fingers.

Eddie’s entire world has shifted an inch to the left. All is now in sharp focus; yesterday he hadn’t even noticed the blur. He knows what he wants now and he’s terrified, but it’s that terror that comes at the top of a rollercoaster, the terror of any-second exhilaration. He remembers having conversations somewhere between the hiking trail and this chair - white coats and scrubs and calm, measured words that Eddie can’t recall exactly, but he knows all he has to do is wait and Buck’s eyes will open and they’ll be back together again.

Eddie has already decided how the next part goes. He’s sure, grounded, settled in a place in himself that has always felt in flux. They’re going to get Buck out of the hospital and then they’re going to go to Texas and get their son back. Then - god, then - Eddie is going to love this man with everything he has for the rest of his life.

Now though, just for now, Buck’s heart monitor beats out a steady, comforting rhythm, and Eddie’s heart beats along right in time.