#nct dream na Jaemin x reader

[technologyculturedneo]

BOX. Jaemin

"Memories need to be shared."

Pairing. Na Jaemin x Reader

Synopsis. The community you live in is a perfect dystopia with citizens not given any freedom or choice. Without choice, the Neorists Elders of society believe they can prevent negative elements, such as war. You're assigned to the Dreamer Na Jaemin with the aim of being the next Dreamer. However when presented with freedom, choices and a world of wonder, you begin to fall into the unknown of a word known as 'love'.

Dreamscape() Masterlist

“What do you mean you want to remove ‘pleasure’ from this community?” Johnny furrows his brows, eyes piercing across the room meeting an unfazed ‘Dreamer’, Na Jaemin, the only man wearing black. Also known as the only person in the entire community with recollection of memories of what the whole world once was before the erasing of memories. “You can’t remove pleasure.”

The other board members, mainly the men who were ‘guilty’, are also in shock when hearing what the Dreamer is suggesting. “I mean what I said. You took things too far when you impregnated another Neorists. And that’s strictly forbidden.” Jaemin notes to the only female elder Neorist in the room surrounded by 10 men.

“I think this decision of yours is coming from a place of bitterness. Are you upset because you don’t have anyone to pleasure? Have you even pleasured anyone? What we should be discussing is how to bring pleasure back into relationships.”

“This is my point exactly. You’re so intoxicated with pleasure that you don’t see the problem.” Jaemin cocks up a brow in bafflement. Sometimes being the only one with memories of all emotions was a pain. “Too much pleasure leads to destruction, especially when there’s no love.”

“Oh please love is irrelevant, and what possible destruction can come out of pleasure?” Johnny quizzes with an imposing tone.

“For one, non-consenting rape, which is the act of forcing yourself on somebody who hasn’t agreed to partake in the activity.” Jaemin informs. “It’s literally what you’re doing. Not only that, you’re sliding past the fact that you were caught breaking other laws.”

“I’m guilty of no such matters. Our Neorist here agreed to our encounter. Is that right?” Turning his head to the female, she subtly nods her head with an expressionless face. Johnny crosses his legs with a smirk on his face. “And besides, how else are we going to get the community to produce children?” Johnny questions.

Jaemin rolls his eyes, a gesture that surely goes noticed by all the board members of Neorists, the highest forms of elders in their communities. Aside from Jaemin being the only Dreamer, and the only one who felt entitled to have a say in laws, they surely disliked when he’d pull faces of rudeness and disrespect. Even if he was right. “Cut the bullshit. You don’t care about children. All you care about is sexual pleasure.”

“What proof do you have?” Johnny questions.

“What proof?” Jaemin scoffs and glances at the only female Neorist elder in the room. “She’s literally carrying a child as we speak- a child you ‘helped’ created. She said you gave her a serum and she had a weird feeling after. You clearly did something to her. And she’s not even a birth mother.”

“Your point?” Another male elder asks. “I think President Suh is correct. You’re bitter because you don’t have someone to pleasure.”

Folding his arms and leaning on the table Jaemin tries to speak calmly without letting his anger show. Yet it’s already clear from the moment he opens his mouth that he’s seething. “When we first implemented ‘pleasure’ in community 1, the idea was that only selected ‘birth mothers’ and ‘father genetics’ would engage in that activity. It was a success and we taught it to the other communities. The only problem now, is that you President Suh and a few of you board members have stepped out of bound over the years and decided to participate. It doesn’t work like that. You’re throwing things off balance.”

“I have to agree with the Dreamer. Not only are you not taking the injections but you are breaking the laws we placed.” Jaehyun, the elder Neorist of justice and law sides with the Dreamer and looks to the President of all communities. “How do you expect the community to follow the rules when you don’t?”

Johnny gets up while buttoning his front button, an indication that he’s not going to listen to anything else from the meeting. “This is such a time waste. Instead of preparing for the ceremony we’ve wasted time talking about irrelevant matters. I’ll take my leave.”

Johnny is just about half way in leaving the board room when Jaemin grudgefully stands up. “You know what, fuck this. I’ve selected a new Dreamer.”

That captures Johnny’s attention as he freezes mid step gazing at Jaemin. “Don’t be absurd. We haven’t examined-”

“Of course ‘you’ haven’t examined because you were too busy getting your dick wet. But I already did.” Jaemin looks at Johnny dead in the eye. “She will be my successor, and she’ll be the one to put up with your shit when I’m gone, because seriously, I can’t have this anymore. I’m done.”

And with that, Jaemin walks out the room first.

The water scatters and dashes out from the shower head sprinkling hot waters onto his body when he gets home. Standing underneath the pouring heat, his hands against the wall- the wall being a see through glass, his eyes looking over the view in longing to finally be free like nature. The view of the downslope mountain filled with greens of shrubs, trees, blooming colored florets with nature at its best. The thought crosses his mind again. He’s been thinking of quitting being a Dreamer for almost an entire year. To end his life and time in this draining world.

There’s nothing worth it anymore. Clinching his jaw from the depressing thoughts he turns the handle far back erupting a strangled choke to leave his breath just as the freezing cold waters hit his body hard. He can’t end his life just yet, he needs to complete his last quest in this damn community before he can kick the bucket. For good. For him as a Dreamer, living in this community is lonely. He just hopes that the person he’s chosen to be his successor won’t feel like him.

Because everyone is taught to follow and obey the rules within the community, in order to eliminate discrimination, envy, jealousy, supremacy, hate and plainly anything different. Everyone that is born into the community is a blank slate and is taught how to walk, talk, work and live. Without communities in place there would be chaos and war would break out. The ‘Neorists’ better known as wise council of elders have maintained communities for centuries, keeping the community in peace, passing down guidelines and rules on how to keep tranquility amongst all.

You’re lucky to have grown up in a community that had no war and endless peace. They said that the war was terrible, that it destroyed everything. And after the war had ruined everything, mankind found a solution to carry on. Through the acts of Communities. There were 7 communities in total. When ‘Communities’ were created, everything started afresh. The start of the new civilization marked the end of the wars worldwide, society was reset, rebuilt, evoking true equality and sameness. It marked the beginning of a new era, a new people, a new life within communities. Everything that was made new, contributed to the good of the new communities. These rules being respected created harmony, balance and greatest of all, allowed life to continue on peacefully.

Years down the line, it all worked out. Peace was restored, everyone was the same and knew how to live in the community. Everyone was able to follow and obey the rules without a second thought. Everyone was able to fit in.

Except for you.

Tomorrow, you and the rest of the year 19’s would finally be 20’s and would be assigned your jobs. Your purpose in life. What you were made for. Your place in the community. After years of attending studying departments, you are going to be a part of the people that contribute to society. Your lecturer’s last words, were words that almost… frightened you. No. Precision of language. Wrong word, you think. Frightened means that deep, sickening feeling of something terrible about to happen. Your lecture’s words made you ‘anxious’ for what would happen tomorrow. It’s frightening because it seems like everyone already knows their jobs, but you don’t have a clue of what you’ll be. You are lost. Lost because while everyone in the community, thought the same and did everything the same, you… always felt like you did things… differently, you saw things that other people didn’t. In your eyes you’d see flickering of extra lights… Where everything is black and white, in the sky… you’d see… hue.

Your eyes snap to the road ahead of you as you instantly halt your bicycle when almost coming in contact with a man dressed in all black. Whereby the whole community only wore white, your eyes are completely shocked seeing the man wearing all black. The Neorist, Dreamer Na Jaemin. You quickly bow your head apologizing. “I apologize.”

“It’s dangerous to be riding and looking up at the sky. Be careful.” Nonchalant and unfazed, almost if the sounds of getting hit by a bicycle is nothing.

“I apologize.” You say again, but you’re thankful that he doesn’t write out an issue of warning for you and continues walking, ignoring you. You continuing to ride your bicycle, this time keeping in mind of the correct road and not minding him, because there are more pressing thoughts in your head.

You never said anything of what you saw. You didn’t want to be different. Who would?

The rules were simple to follow: Use precise language. No touching other people not of your dwelling. Wear your assigned clothing. Take your morning medication. Obey the curfew. Never lie. These rules made sense to keep everything ‘same’.

However, for you, these rules were easy to follow, but hard to understand. Precise language… assigned clothing… medication, curfew and of course… lying. You acted and did as everyone did, but in a world where every person thought the same, moved the same and even looked the same… you don’t know why, your thoughts… had thoughts and why they were different. You didn’t want to be different, otherwise you’d be ‘released’. Released is a term, or rather the highest form of punishment to anyone who failed to contribute to society. They were to be taken out of society, forever. For good. Maybe… Maybe that’s why you’re so frightened for what will happen tomorrow. What if you get relea-

‘Kring, kring.’ A bell rings behind you, snapping your thoughts back to the present indicating company. You smile upon seeing the two males in which you’re closely associated with, your two friends, whom you’ve been acquainted with your whole lives. Jeno and Haechan. With smiles on their faces brewing excitement in their eyes, it’s always easy to feel comfortable and at ease around them. “You left us,” Haechan, the boy who makes everyone laugh, playfully whines.

Jeno, the boy who makes everyone smile turns to look at you. “I apologize for the both of us that we’re late. I thought I could take Haechan around to say farewell to our lecturers.” Jeno fills you in, with his memorable eye smile that’s always refreshing to see.

“I accept your apology.” You smile back, turning your head to Haechan. “And why does Jeno have to apologize for you? Aren’t you going to apologize for yourself?”

“I apologize for making you ride alone. In fact, we could’ve all gone together to say goodbye to the teachers had you not left so suddenly.” Haechan tries to justify himself, but you hear a scoff coming from Jeno.

“I accept your apology.” You answer back none the less while shaking your head.

“Precision of language Haechan. We weren’t saying goodbye, more like, see you around.” Jeno voices out his thoughts, as the friend who consistently obeys every rule. He’s like a model student of what it means to embody the rules.

“But I don’t want to see them again,” Haechan nags like a little kid, causing you to roll your eyes by his nature. “I want to finally get to tomorrow so that I can go and work.” Being bold and riding high on his bicycle Haechan voices out. “Whoever’s listening please, please do not make me a teacher or lecturer or anything to do with the studying departments. Please.”

You laugh, this time along with Jeno. Of course, every street pole, every building, every tree, every structure in some way, has a camera big enough or even small enough to see and hear what everyone in the community does. You wonder, if you also had to get up on your bike and yell out what you want to be, maybe the Neorists who listened in, would place you there. They ruled your lives and every outcome from them is said to be the best.

You live in a world were differences aren’t allowed. There’s no popular, no fame, no winners and no losers. The Neorists of the pasts eliminated all of that so that they’d be no conflict. No fear. No pain. Envy. Hate. All those negative feelings weren’t here and it had been wiped from history. Every memory that everyone had now, was of this wonderful society that was created.

Riding your bicycles together with your friends, listening to Jeno and Haechan casually talk yet good-humoredly bicker allows your mind to be distracted from the thoughts of tomorrow. Haechan leans forward on his seat carefully standing up and balancing on his bicycle.

“I’m going to miss volunteering here.” Jeno says, once the nursing facility is close by. You look to the building and nod your head.

“Don’t worry my friend, I’m sure you’ll be coming back here.” Haechan smirks. “If there had to be another word for nurse, it’d be Jeno. You were born for this.”

“What about you Y/n?” You turn your head to Jeno, displaying an earnest smile once drawing to the center side of the building. “Out of all the positions that the elders would choose for me, where do you think they’d place me?”

Looking up to the bold font title in the middle of the building, you nudge your head to it. “Nurturing center. You’re very caring, selfless, dedicated to helping others and always so good with people. If anything you should be in charge of the nurturing department.” You compliment boldly. He looks at you, returning a sincere beam, as if liking your answer more than Haechan’s statement.

Every day since you went to the studying department school, the lecturers ‘mandatorily’ suggested that doing volunteering work in different sectors would enhance the Neorists to notably put you in a work career that would best suit you. You had no one place you liked going, so you always followed Haechan and Jeno. Nurturer, Laborer, Engineer, Law and justice, Pilot, Speaker etc. By chance you volunteered everywhere and exceled in everything, you just didn’t know what you exceled at the best. That feeling… that frightening feeling comes back at the thought of your purpose. You wonder, have you done enough volunteering work so that the Neorists may know where to put you, or have you done too little, that they haven’t a clue of what your position would be? If that’s the case, it means you are going to be released. You’d be a failure.

And you don’t want that. Which is why, as you carry a baby from the bed and move over to the weighing table following Jeno’s lead, you hope that just as Jeno has shown a kin interest on nurturing, that perhaps you’ve also shown an interest in something. Unfortunately, Jeno’s baby weighs heavier and he has a playful look on his face, lifting up the baby with a coy smile. “That’s my little baby. A baby who’s strong and ready to be a 1 year old.” Jeno lightheartedly mocks you.

“Oh, it’s like that now.” You chortle. Seeing a figure in uniform approach you both, you smile. Your father. Lee Taeyong.

“Which one was heavier?” He asks.

“This baby was.” Jeno indulges in baby language having a moment with the baby. However, in the spacious room full of male and female nurses along with volunteering students, all attention is turned to a certain cubic stand- hearing a rueful cry. It’s your first time hearing a baby cry. Just as a nurse takes the quiet baby from you and places the baby in a box sealing it tight saying that it will be released and didn’t qualify, you follow your father as he moves to the cube were the crying baby is in.

Reading its tech monitor screen, you see the words: HE/UNQUALIFIED.

“He looks so unhappy.” You lean close having a look at the wailing baby’s voice.

“Unfortunately he doesn’t qualify for his first ceremony.” Your father says. “He’s just not strong enough. It’s why he’s crying. He can’t be assigned to a family yet.”

Trying to get the babies attention, by tapping on the glass and smiling gently, you peek back when seeing Jeno standing next to you equally examining the unhappy child. “Can we open it?” Jeno asks, which your father nods to, silently watching the baby with a concerned face.

Last night, the birth mothers did an incredible job of birthing about 40-70 children in community 7 alone. 64 of those children were perfect. 3 came out stiff and would be released. 2 were identical, the one that you and Jeno were weighing (the least heaviest would be released too). And finally this 1 was the only one crying but wouldn’t be released just yet.

Jeno opens the little slot allowing you to put your hand in. “Hey there little guy. Why are you crying? Are you not happy because you won’t be in the first ceremony?”

Jeno’s gentle smile spreads over his face as he observes you making conversation with the baby. “Let me,” He offers to help especially when the baby doesn’t stop crying. You move a little, watching Jeno place his hand inside the cube placing it over the baby’s head. “There, there,” He simply says, and instantaneously, the baby shifts its head in Jeno’s direction.

“Wow,” You marvel. “You just have that gift. It’s not fair,” You joke, but slowly the baby hesitates and fidgets.

“Be strong Jisung.” Your father’s voice gets your attention and you turn to him.

“You looked at his name? Isn’t that against the rules?”

He turns to you nervously. “Y-yes it is. I thought having a name might help him grow.” Before his gaze focuses on the baby. “It’s why I whispered it.”

You’ve always admired your father. A nurse. Never buckles under pressure, always knows what to say as the head of the house and is simply a really good father to you, mother and your little 10 year old brother, Chenle. You spend the rest of the day in the nursing center, even when Haechan and Jeno leave. And 30 minutes before the curfew call is made, you and your father both take your bikes and stroll to the dwelling where you stay. Getting there just before the curfew call, you take your afternoon injection as soon as you enter the door. Which is just a little pinch on the wrist of your right hand by placing your hand over the little robotic poll.

Getting ready for dinner, you, your brother Chenle, your Mother Seulgi and Father Taeyong all sit by the large metallic squared box table and exactly at 6.30 on the dot, the table opens up revealing covered trays of supper.

Removing the lid of the tray, you begin eating just as everyone does in silence. A while later, your father begins the conversation by asking everyone about their feelings for the day. Your mother answers; ‘disappointment’ because of a fellow educator who didn’t teach according to the textbook. The outcome of that situation was that the teacher was released to elsewhere. Your father ends up asking your little brother about his feelings. His answer; ‘excited’ because he’ll be a 10 tomorrow. His enthusiasm brings smiles to your faces. And then finally; your father calls your name.

“Your turn for feelings.” He eats on his vegetables and so do you. Taking a little bit of time to respond as you eat. The rules for food being don’t eat too fast and don’t talk when eating. Once you swallow you breathe out.

“Well, I guess… I’m sort of…” You thought you had an answer, but after hearing Chenle’s answer, you feel nervous again. “Frightened.”

“Precision of language.” Your mother corrects, giving you a worried look, sternly.

“Then I feel terrified?” You try to ask, as she’s trying to correct your feelings, which you don’t understand. You were the one feeling it.

“Precision of language.” She says again. “Anxious, is the word. Being frightened and terrified is awful and only used in dire situations.”

“Yes. Thank you for your correction.” You nervously smile. She’s right. You’re anxious. You look at your food.

“Why?” Your father asks. “Are you nervous for the ceremony tomorrow?”

You nod your head. “Mother, father. When you were about to graduate from being a 19 to 20, did you feel like there was no position meant for you?”

Your father shakes his head. “The Neorists been watching you since you were a child, they know what position is meant for you.”

Your mother nods her head. “They are never wrong. Tomorrow you’ll see that you have a place in our community.” She smiles. “Cheer up my daughter. There’s no need to be anxious.”

You nod your head. The feeling won’t go away. Even as you’re done eating and place the tray back on the center of the table and the table sinks low with the empty trays, leaving its original flat surface, you’re still anxious. You walk into your room after saying goodnight to everyone and rest on your bed. Instead of injecting yourself to sleep with the little robotic poll in your room, you… slightly disobey the rule of ‘8 p.m. sleep time’ and instead lay awake thinking of all the things that will happen tomorrow. You will be a 20. With a new job. A job you don’t even know.

Finally sighing, you roll on the side of your bed and place your wrist over the robotic poll allowing it to inject you. After some seconds, sleep consumes your entire mind.

-

The auditorium is vastly large with all the seating sections being filled as the whole of Community 7 make their way inside. Each seat is filled accordingly and correctly. Everyone being in a category. You’re seated on the third section along with all the other 19’s as you wait. Other sections have newly made parents, older parents, those who already have jobs and finally old age individuals. The ceremony is the only time when everyone from community 7 joins together in celebration of the new age. “Welcome citizens, to the annual ceremony of advancement.” A robotic female announcement addresses. Would you be a speaker like this voice? Could that be your future path?

Sitting next to Haechan, you can’t stop giggling at the jokes he makes, because they calm your racing heart down and stop you from guessing jobs for yourself. Jeno seated in front of you turns back once in a while with a chortle, telling Haechan to be quiet. Everyone is so excited that you can’t help but force the excitement of you just to blend in. But really, inside you’re petrified.

Especially since the Neorists of all communities are all here in one room. All 10 Neorists Elders are seated on the stage in a straight row facing the crowd. They look so normal, polished with smiles and bright with their grey garment, all except one. He’s seated on the end of the stage, almost a gap away from the other elders. He’s got a bored, dull look… no… Cold and almost uninterested look on his face. The same way he looked when you nearly bumped into him. He’s the only one wearing black. And it’s not even a black suit. The jacket is leather, the shirt inside.. has print design on it and you try to make out what is written on the shirt, but it’s blocked by his folded arms.

He’s so…

Your breath hitches in your throat when looking back at his face, only to have his deep eyes staring back at you. The corner of his lip tugs upwards in a smirk and in an instant your posture straightens and you snap your head away like a robot rebooting.

“Sheesh.” Haechan mutters shaking his head. “I swear that Elder’s presence is so menacing that it’s scary. Can you believe he’s the only Dreamer?”

Dreamer Na Jaemin. The only Elder who’s completely alone in what he does… whatever he does. “I nearly bumped into him with my bicycle yesterday.”

“Really?” Haechan’s eyes slightly widen.

“Please stand by for a transition.” You’re thankful for the robotic voice that addresses the crowd, allowing you to not think of that Dreamer and causing your conversation with Haechan to stop. On the stage, a beam of light is reflected and hologram of a man appears. The president of all communities appears in an elegant white suit. The robotic voice fades, as a manly voice of a calm man speaks. “Good morning community 7.”

“Good morning President Suh Johnny.” The community at large responds with gladness to see the familiar jolly face of the leader of all communities. Once again he’s appearing virtually. It’s a shame that he couldn’t come in person, you think to yourself.

“I apologize for my remote attendance.” He apologizes and you can tell the community immediately feels better.

“We accept your apology.” Everyone responds in sync… you mimic your mouth to follow but really you don’t accept it. President Suh although widely respected (feared- is what you’d say but then your mother would say ‘precision of language’) is a president you’ve always wondered why he’s in power. He doesn’t do much for the communities. It’s the Neorist Elders who work the hardest in maintaining the communities.

“I can’t be at every ceremony simultaneously in person, which is why I picked this hour as my favorite hour to spend with you. But here’s a secret, you are my favorite community.” He grins. For some reason, your eyes are drawn to the disinterested Dreamer Neorist Elder on stage again. He rolls his eyes and even… sinks low on his chair. What audacity does he have to show his disinterest, especially to the President? Perhaps he dislikes the President too. “But since we don’t lie, I must admit I say that to all the other communities.”

Your head snaps away from him again to the stage when hearing subtle laughs come from the crowd, from Haechan next to you as well as everyone else… You join in on the laugh thinly… your eyes wandering back to the Dreamer, only to look away immediately again. You only tried to see if he was laughing, or at least smiling too. But instead, you caught his eye on you… again. You try not to frown, but you can’t help as your eyebrows furrow a bit. Why is he looking at you?

“Beginnings. From disorder to chaos, great suffering and pain. From confusion, envy and hatred, came out a perfect solution. Communities, which harbored serene beautiful places, where disorder became harmony.” Everyone pats their thighs in sign of applauding. “It begins, the Ceremony.”

You join everyone in patting your thigh feeling your thigh nervously shake. You try to stop it, but as each ceremony occurs you get anxious. The large background screen begins to play gentle visual videos of each ceremony. It starts off with the ceremony to ‘elsewhere’ honoring the lives of the brave elderly old age men and women who have dedicated the lives and contributed nobly to the community. All the old age elders, about 65 of them, who were in another section that you couldn’t see all step on stage generously shaking each hand of the Wise Neorists council, before stepping off stage and waving their hands as they disappear behind some curtains. You’re not even surprised that the black clothed elder didn’t even shake hands or pay his respects to the elders. He’s so impolite and it’s making you feel unhappy.

Next is the ceremony of the 1’s. “Celebrating the new children. Proudly engineered by the genetics of father givers, produced by our proud birth mothers. These infants will now join their assigned family units. Welcome to the community little ones.”

“Welcome to the community.” The crowd says.

Your eyes enlarge joyfully when seeing all 65 of the new born babies being brought up on stage by nurses. The newly coupled parents are called one by one (as President Suh, calls out their names) to go on stage and claim they’re new addition to the family. Each of the children have names, but you’re surprised that you don’t hear ‘Jisung’s’ name. Either way, you clap on your thigh for both for the ceremony of the 1’s as well as the new parents who now have their first child, another batch of parents are called to claim their second addition to the family. All families have been taught to have 2 kids who are 10 years apart. The next ceremony is for the new 10’s.

Your head moves to the side when you see all the newly 10 year olds standing up and one by one go down the stairs and all unanimously stand in a line to be called on stage. You smile when you see Chenle. He’s looks bright and happy in his little white shirt and shorts. Everyone claps their thighs as all 60 children are called one by one on stage to receive their half way mark independence gift, a bicycle. They are now of age to possess their first responsible gift. You clap your thighs proudly when Chenle is called - Haechan beside you nudges you while holding back his own snickers telling you to keep it down. Chenle gets off the stage with his bike. Just as the little other 10 year olds receive their bikes, you see an usher in white standing by each respective row of your age group. Once the 10’s are done, the ushers signal out their hands stating that it’s your sections turn. You deeply inhale when standing up and following right behind Haechan.

“Celebrating the graduates, the 20’s, who today will be assigned their position in our community.” The president says as you all get on the stage. You stand in rows of 6, as they’re 60 of you. 10 in each column and 6 in each row.

“Good luck,” Jeno, who’s standing right in front of you turns, around with an encouraging smile. It reassures and even calms you down a little. So you try to enjoy the moment. Finally, the time has come to hear where you will fit in. Even though you wished to have a clear mindset on what job you’d do, you feel glad that the burden of choosing a job is not in your hands and in the hands of the Neorists. Father says they’re never wrong. So you smile back breathing in deeply and looking up above to the screen that showed gentle images of each 20 year old doing something. You see Haechan, and turn to him smiling just as he points at himself. He’s seen riding high on his bicycle and teaching other kids on how to ride their own bicycles. Others are shown as well, and you wait to maybe see yourself in the montage of images and soundless videos. But you don’t. You see Jeno, and other of your class mates, but you don’t see yourself. You try not to worry, as they didn’t put everyone in.

“All of your training has been to help you fit in.” Johnny continues. “To curb any impulse that may set you apart from others. But today we honor your differences, for today they have determined your future. Dear community, here are the new leaders and the teachers, and the workers, and nurses, birth mothers of tomorrow. And I think that, we’re in very good hands.” Johnny smiles, and you smile back feeling a great jubilation. “Number 1, Karina. Soft spoken with a delicate body, gentle with children and a pleasant to be around. Birth mother. Thank you for your childhood.”

Karina walks forward towards the one female Neorists elder who’s in charge of all the Nurturing Centers in all the Communities, gets up with a bright smile and hands her a little device as well as shakes her hand. You clap on your thighs and smile. That’s a good position for her. Names are being called, roles and jobs are being given, as rows go down you anxiously await your turn.

“Number 35, Jeno. From the beginning it was clear that Jeno flourished when working with new patients both old and young. Gentle with his touch with broad caring arms, Nurturer Nurse.” You smile when seeing up on the screen, Jeno carrying a little baby and smiling down at the child. You nod your head just as Haechan nudges you in agreement. Jeno goes forward to the Neorist female elder and she hands him a device. He gets off stage and goes back to his seat. Very quickly, the row in front of you disappears and finally they’re on your row. You prepare yourself shivering lightly.

“Number 43, Chittaphon. Talkative, engaging and surely a good story teller. Teacher of the middles.” You clap your thighs smiling.

“Number 44, Giselle.” The girl next to you, Giselle grins brightly as she steps forward to an elder man who gives her a device. Your heart is beating so loud that you barely even hear her assigned role. The moment you’ve been waiting for. You try to calm your pacing heart, but it’s beating all the way up to your ears and almost blocks your ear drums.

“Number 46,” You take two steps forward with a modest smile- “Haechan.” Yet you freeze when hearing the name… And number.

Haechan in astonishment reacts after a quick second and steps forward. His eyes are enlarged but his smile nervously returns when seeing a Neorist elder man stand up. “Unruly, careless, yet brings laughter wherever he goes. Sometimes those in need of responsibility learn best when they’re the practitioners of it. Drone Pilot.” A relieved sigh leaves Haechan’s mouth as he does a fist pump in the air and grins. This is something he’s wanted- being in the air as the all seeing eye. “Thank you for your childhood.”

Haechan takes his device from the elder man with a badge that said pilot. Haechan turns around about to head off stage in happiness, when all of a sudden sees your frozen posture and he remembers how they skipped your number. Hopefully it was a mistake.

“Number 47, Hendery.” Or not. “Ground keeper.” Haechan gets back to his seat with fear that they’ve skipped your number. Not just him, Jeno is equally as uneasy, concerned and worried for you. Not just in his mind but everyone is all thinking the same thing, you were going to be released. It’s what they did for those who weren’t qualified for a position and didn’t ‘fit in’ anywhere.

It’s hard paying attention to the other roles and jobs, as your parents see you standing on stage as your row finishes. In their minds, disappointment is what should’ve been clouding their heads. They raised a child who was unfortunate and couldn’t fit in the community. But no. That’s not what they think. Your mother thinks of you as brave, wondrous, fearless and an astounding human being. She had hoped you would even become… if she dares even say a Neorist elder… as rare as it is, she saw the potential in you. Despite your incorrect use of words, she always noticed how you naturally seemed curious. Your father thinks of you as someone who is daringly extraordinary. You embodied this wisdom and are a quick learner- for crying out loud you volunteered everywhere and almost everyone knew you because of how well rounded you were. You are an admirable child and there’s no way you’ll be released.

Not only your parents, but anyone who knows you, knows that you were… ‘different’ in a way. But then again, who would want to be different? There was no place for difference, except being released.

Chenle, despite his young age is not blind to the fact that you’re still on stage. Sitting in between his parents he looks up to his mother. “Mother, did they skip her?”

Always knowing what to say, this time she merely watches you as her heart slowly begins to race. She looks to Taeyong and he too has a great pale look on his face. Yesterday night, you said you were frightened. Terrified. And at this moment as all the names of the other year 20s are being called, you parents are feeling frightened and terrified themselves. Would you really be released? No. No way. You were such a good child. You were not a failure in anything. So why didn’t they call your name?

You stand there in absolute shock. Your eyes not daring to move away as you stare with daggers at the hologram. You repeat over and over in your head that they made a mistake and they’ll rectify it on the next call. They never do. You’re not anxious. You’re not terrified. You’re not frightened. But now, you’re horrified. You can feel your ears getting hot, your body is trembling, tears are coating your eyes. This can’t be real… this can’t be true.

Meanwhile, while the whole ceremony was a bore for the sole Dreamer Jaemin, the only man wearing black clothes, he particularly found this part interesting. Your reaction. He’s not slouching anymore on his seat. Instead, he’s leaning forward with a gaze so intense yet fascinatingly on you. He can only imagine what you’re feeling. You look so feeble… no, feeble is too much of drag… you look scared, like you’re about to pee in your pants.

“Number 60,” The president says the last name and you exhale lowly about to collapse from the tension. “Thank you for your childhood.” The last person walks up and receives a device walking off the stage. You’re too embarrassed to look back, you can’t even look back because you feel stiff to the bone. Your head feels heavy. The rooms temperature is declining and you swear that any time now, you’ll pass out. You’re the only one left on stage and just when you think things can’t get any worse your eyes pinch- “This marks the end of the ceremony. Thank you for your time.” Usually during this time, the screen would switch off, the monotonous robotic voice would thank everyone for coming and wish them all a safe return, or the auditorium would be filled with actual claps of two hands for the successful ceremony. Instead the only thing that switches off is the hologram.

Silence wafts the crowd.

Silence so loud that you’re sure that everyone can hear you struggling to hold in your breath. You’re breathing grows erratic.

You jolt lightly when seeing the hologram appear next to you. President Johnny is back on the screen. “You feel like I have made a mistake,” He states in a gracious tone. “I apologize to my community.”

The crowd is quick in saying, “We accept your apology.” But you don’t say it back.

“Number 45.” He turns around. Facing you. Your teary worried eyes stare at him. “I apologize for making you worry.”

You’re afraid to speak, but you gulp down quick and pass your arms past your eyes to remove the tears rapidly as you mutter out by force. “I accept your apology.”

Just as you wipe your eyes, the crowd grows quieter and tense from the unexpected Neorist who stands up and slowly draws closer behind you. The word Jeno would use is; dark. The word Haechan would use is; scary. The word your mother uses is; chilling. Your father is too speechless in thought to even think of the shady man standing behind you. The word the community would use is probably a forbidden word, a precision of language; ominous. As the contrast between you and the person standing behind you, is a combination of something… wrong. You’ve never volunteered in that field, so how is this possible… But for Jaemin, standing behind you, looking at your little form, he tries to see this as his last will to accomplish before he exempted to be taken to his death bed or better known as ‘elsewhere’.

Your name falls out of the President’s mouth again and you look up to his hologram, feeling that he can see you. “You have not been assigned a position, or role. You have been selected. As part of the boarding council of Neorists Elders, we were not hasty this time in choosing. We couldn’t afford another failure.” Hearing him say that, has you looking towards all the elders. Although your eyes miss the presence of one. It’s when you twist your head to perhaps find him, do you feel a sudden warmth against your back. You inhale and exhale quietly turning back to President Johnny. “You possess a great knowledge and understanding of all attributes in all communities. Intelligence. Integrity. Courage. And something that I can name, but I cannot describe, the capacity to dream beyond. You have always stood out.”

“Why does he insist on dragging things? You’re different, is what he means.” The whisper behind you, has you turning around fully to acknowledge the voice behind you. Looking into his empty eyes. He tilts his head to the side, lifting up something. You can’t even look down at what he’s holding, as your eyes are clear on his hair… you saw it yesterday in the sky… this hue… It’s now on his hair, but a darker shade. Your eyes focus back on his eyes and then his lips. “You can see it. It’s known as blue.” He whispers.

“But I must warn you,” The presidents voice gets drawn back into your ears. “Your training involves loneliness and isolation. Pain far beyond anything we know. Training that your school has not taught you. You may be female, but in you there’s great power. Are you strong enough for this? Do we think Y/n is brave enough?” The crowd taps their thighs eagerly in agreement. Chenle covers his mouth. “You have been selected as the next Dreamer. Thank you for your childhood.”

You take the device from the Dreamer’s hand and not even a second later, he’s walking back to his seat, satisfied. Meanwhile President Johnny wipes off the fake smile of his face as the hologram fades out. In his office he unfastens his tie breathing deeply. He was put into President-ship some years ago. And the ‘freedom’ he got to do anything he wanted was what allowed him to enjoy his post. If Jaemin left the Neorist, then it would mean Johnny would be exposed. And that’s not what he wants.

-

Haechan, Jeno and a few others congratulated you, while you felt others give you sympathetic eyes but told you to be strong for the community. Not very long, you left the auditorium with your family. Chenle rod on his new bike and asked mother a question: “The President said Y/n is now powerful. Does that mean she’s more powerful than you?” Mother hushed him and told him to not multitask, that he should focus on riding. No one knew what to say. You were the next Dreamer… You went up to your room. Dinner time came and you ate, shared feelings. You said you felt relieved, but in you there was nothing feeling relieved. You were the next Dreamer… what does that even mean? What does a dreamer do?

You felt this heavy pressure being weighed on you. Pain… Loneliness… you don’t even know how those things felt. After an appetizing dinner, which you couldn’t really enjoy because of the thoughts bursting all over your head. You disliked that they called you ‘different’ and outed you so that everyone could see you. Father says you’ve been greatly honored, but you feel petrified. No one said it to your face, but you could guess what they were all thinking. They were all scared for you. Being the next dreamer was scary.

Once the time reaches 7, you eagerly pull out the device that was instructed to only be opened around 7 p.m. The device shines brightly in your room with a hologram. Words begin to display themselves on the screen and you read over them. In your knowledge, you’ve always known there to be 10 Neorist Elders. And all these elders seemed to have large teams… however the Dreamer was the sole inheritor of the title. He was the only one known as the Dreamer. Thinking about him, you get goosebumps wondering if you’d be lonely like him. Despite it all, a part of you feels… as if they made the right choice.

Tomorrow is Monday. A new day. A new month. And a new year. You’d finally be able to work in your selected job.

Sleep doesn’t come easily, as your new rules from the device plays in your mind. Five new rules to follow and remember. One. Report directly to the Dreamer, Na Jaemin for your training. After training return immediately to your dwelling. Two. As of this moment on you are exempted from all rules governing rudeness. You may ask any questions. Three. Aside from your night sleeping medication, you’re not allowed to take any other form of medication. Especially for the pain. Four. You may not discuss your training with anyone. Ever.

Waking up in the morning, you don’t know how you fell asleep but you’re stunned that you slept on your own without your sleep injection. There’s a knock on your door, and you get up from bed to answer. Your father warmly greets you before handing you a package that is specially delivered for you. On the rectangular oddly black box there’s a title that says; DREAMER. You carefully pull back the box revealing the contents inside. There’s two sets of pants, one in denim quality and the other in a tight stretchy quality. There’s 3 dresses, all of the same length an inch above the knee, but different quality and forms. They’re all tight. And then they’re 2 pairs of skirts. One long in fine silk, and the other is below the knee. And lastly there’s 2 shirts. One long sleeve buttoned up shirt and one short sleeve buttoned up. And two pairs of shoes. 1 flat and 1 sportswear.

The only thing in common with all the new clothes is that they’re all in the color black.

A striking black that feels overwhelming. You quickly take your bath and eagerly get excited for what to wear. Despite the color, you’re enticed by the relaxing sweet smell. You decide to wear the black skinny denim pants and a long sleeve buttoned up. You get ready, eating breakfast with your family. There’s light chatter, but no one comments on your clothes feeling it… overpoweringly black. The moment the clock strikes 7 a.m. you leave like all the adults. Your parents wishes you well; father takes his bike to work, mother opts to walk to work while going with Chenle who eagerly takes his bicycle to school. And you, you smile when Jeno who’s riding his bicycle stops by your place.

“Cool.” His eyes marvel at your clothes. “First day of work.”

He’s also got on the regular nurse uniform. Full white long sleeved polo neck and some white pants with white shoes. He’s got a name tag over his left bicep jersey. “First day of work.” You reply with a big smile, getting on your bicycle and following along the same path that you normally took. Somewhere along some road you’d separate, but for now you’re just trying to relax even as you feel all eyes on you and your new outfit. It’s only now that you realize that everyone wears white so proudly like it’s their whole identity.

“They look so important.” He comments about your clothes. “In a good way of course,”

“I feel like I stick out too much.”

“Well yeah, there’s only one Dreamer.” He comments. “Two, if you I count you as well.” He smiles. He seems most happy for your work. “I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it. Have a good day.” He says before you both separate.

You get slightly gloomy when thinking of the fourth rule and how you’re never supposed to share anything about your training… oh yes, and finally the last rule. Five. You were now allowed to lie… but honestly, all your life you’ve already known how to lie. Subtle of course, but this rule makes you wonder if you’re lying would be taken to another level.

You don’t know how you feel about that yet, but so far, anticipation graces your presence as you ride your bike along the left side with other people heading to work either by foot or bike. It’s a long ride, as you recall the little map shown on your device. But it’s not like you really needed the map, the Dreamer’s layer was at the edge of the community, or like some liked to call it the end of the world. You’ve heard stories about people getting lost to the edge and never to be seen again. You never thought of them to be real, but riding closer and getting away from humanity and following the sole trial leading you across various trees before slipping into dry lands, you wonder how the edge looks.

You’re in absolute awe when seeing clouds formed as an outline all around the edge. Each community is separated almost by thousands of miles by these clouds blocking any vision to the other side. Each community is built up on a large structure preventing the people from ever seeing below. Despite the community being in the center, the edge would still be spoken about from everybody. And now you get to work closely to it…

There’s a little bricked grey residence. It has one large door, but so many large vines that look sharp spreading all around the exterior of the house. There’s no place to lock your bicycle, so you just put it down on the tips of the grass, and keenly walk the path to the grand door. You knock on the door twice - stepping back quickly when hearing a monotonous robotic voice. “Welcome. Please gaze at the sensor.” You turn to the device on the wall and lean close to ‘gaze’ at it. The door unlocks itself with a loud clicking sound. “Welcome Dreamer Y/n.”

After composing yourself and taking in a deep breath, you step through the door, watching it close by itself. There's nothing but a greyly lit corridor. You follow the steep corridor, only knowing that it's probably leading you. The passage gets narrow and dimmer, and so do your nerves peek high. You're pretty sure you're alone but for some reason you keep hearing… something. You can't make out what it is, it sounds like whispers running down. You turn another corner which is even more steep and downhill. But finally after much touring you come to a stop in front of a door. It's completely black and has the word DREAMER engraved in the middle. There's no handle for you to pull or twist, so you push the door instead- and like a rushing wind exploding in your ears you hear so much noise. Your eyes enlarge by the sight of the long structured tall room with a wide window view of rushing waters streaming down. "Oh my."

You step in holding onto a nearby rail as your eyes take in the room that looks so much like a garden but inside of a … fortress. You're standing close to the door on a spiraling staircase with a large and thick tree right in the middle. It’s branches spread up so high that they spread over the ceiling. The staircase leading down has an open view of the whole foyer. All the walls are filled with books and they go even higher. When your eyes reach the ceiling, there's a chandelier emitting out so many lights. Looking down, you're in awe of the particular setting. A one seat couch rests near the view of the floor to ceiling closed window, there's a circular glass table with curved designs holding it up. On the opposite side another long lengthen couch catches your attention as it flourishes with several pillows and blankets lacing its wide embrace- and it only has one elbow rest, but the other side is empty. Aside from that the one thing that really astonishes you is all the pot planets and the lively nature in the room.

You walk down the spiraling staircase not only looking at the tree but getting a look at the books. Titles such as Animals of the world, Philosophy of color- all peak your interest as you've never heard or even seen any of these books anywhere in the community. Finally making it down the stairs, your head moves towards another foreign large rectangular boxed object. A lift. The doors slide open and you’re immediately alert when someone walks out of it. It's the Dreamer. Aside from his clothing, his face alone has such a bold difference compared to anyone you know in the community. He's dressed in all black again, with a puffed jacket and a short hairstyle that embodied both rebellion and attitude and he emits such a bad character. He's scowling and muttering under his breath, also noticing your presence. "Great." His unoptimistic and bored underline tone of sarcasm speaks volumes to you. He's not happy. "You're here. Can't even enjoy these last days."

"I apologize for disturbing you. I'm Y/n the dreamer in train-"

"Shit." Your ears are tender to the words he says, and you even frown upon hearing a cursed word. "You think I don't know who you are?”

“Oh. I apologize. Good morning-”

“Miss me with that greeting." His footsteps are rapid as he makes his way to his personal space… another open section that you couldn't see from upwards. "Follow me." He drags out. And you follow with a distance behind. The open area is not long and stretched out with books, it's caved in white darkness (if that makes sense) but still has the scenery of nature. Unlike the previous room it has no windows but a large circular table. He turns around with such a crude face; rough but open. His lips prompt in a tight line. He takes a seat and you can't help but take a seat on the only other chair.

He lets out a sigh and rolls his head around his neck muttering things you can't hear, before finally addressing you. "So, why do you think you were selected?" His low voice cuts through the silence with a hint of boredom.

"I… uhm. Selected? Well, because…" You try to sort out your thoughts realizing that they are all jumbled because of his bored and… upset face. "The President chos-"

"No. I don’t want to hear anything about the Elders or freaking President, those people don’t even think for themselves. They never have. I want to know, why you think you were selected by me?"

"Oh." You feel hot in embarrassment when he cuts you off. "I apologize-"

You can't even finish your apology when he rolls his eyes and grunts out in annoyance muttering more words underneath his breath. He exhales audibly. "It doesn't matter. Just answer.”

You stare at him for a moment, thinking about how to respond.

“Why are you here?" He goes on finding your slowness irritating.

But you decide to stay quiet because you don't want to upset him even more. He seems like a really cold person… there's no word other than jerk to describe his cold demeanor. However, you'd rather he not have any bad feelings for you, then you having bad feelings for him. So you stay silent.

"Are you deaf? I asked you a question." But he's not making it easy.

“I’m here to be a dreamer.” Your hot lips answer feeling so stupid.

"That’s not an answer to the question I asked.” Staring at you like you're below him in every aspect. He sighs. “I’m here to be a dreamer. And she doesn’t even know why she’s picked.” He mimics and scowls muttering under his breath. “Did you review your rules?" You nod your head. "Can you state them out for me."

In the moment your mind tries to organize itself to answer, but he lets out another sinking sigh.

"Damn you're so slow it's annoying." His shoulders sag as he rubs on his temple. "With me you'll have to be more fast, so come on speak already." His voice slightly raises.

"Uhm, rule number 1…”

“I can’t hear you.” He deadpans.

“I apologize-”

“Stop apologizing. It’s fucking annoying just say the damn rules already.”

Your hands tremble unconsciously. “U-uhm, rule number 1 don't lie- I mean you can lie-"

His face scrunches as he waves his hand in the air dismissing you. "You couldn't even be bothered to learn the damn rules. Do you think being a dreamer means slacking off? Do you think being dreamer is easy work? Is that why you didn’t put in any effort? You wore the clothes but don’t have single sense in your head about what this is? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I apologize-"

"And stop fucking apologizing it's irritating-" He gets irritable quick and you're feeling so tense and hot and embarrassed. You've never left so uneasy, uncomfortable and humiliated before as he nags on. "Look. I'm going to tell you a very important fact right now," His voice deeply grunts. "I'm not going to waste my time with you if you’re not serious. Do you think you’re deserving to be a dreamer?”

“Sir I’m not too sure-”

“So why the fuck do you think you’re here?” Jaemin groans out.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you even want to be here? You’re showing no interest at all in this and it’s pissing me off. Since you walked in here you've ruined my whole mood and now after questioning you, you've shown me zero interest in being a Dreamer-"

"Sir respectfully speaking." You find yourself cutting him off with a trembling tone. "I think I want to leave. I think the elders have made a mistake in selecting me as the dreamer.”

“You want to leave? Leaving before we even get started? Wow. Leave then. You know where the door is. And don’t expect to come back tomorrow if you’re just going to be a slow nuisance.” He manages to pull off another disappointed look at you. And before he can even say another word, your fast paced footsteps lead you up the stairs and you push past the door almost running through the corridors and finally to the front door, thankfully the censor senses movements and the door opens. You run to your bike and get on it leaving.

You feel strangled and strained on your whole journey back, the tears being forced not to implore out as you ride your bike. But once you get in your house, all the compressed emotions come bawling out of your eyes as you stuff your face in your pillow crying out. You don’t know for how long you wail and weep out, you don’t even hear your mother and father knocking by your door. They enter your room in palpable worry. They look to each other and draw closer to your bed.

Your mother calls your name while sitting on the edge of your bed. “What’s the matter? I got a call from the Intelligence center that you returned home before work hours were over.”

“Mother I hate work.” Sitting up drastically and uncovering your face that’s blotched in waterworks caused by your excessive crying. Your father who’s standing behind your mother, equally looks to you with a down casted face. “I don’t ever wanna go there again.” Your shaky voice paired together with your cries has both Taeyong and Seulgi in shock.

Carefully your mother places her hand on your covered thigh. “But you’re the next Dreamer-”

“I don’t want to be a dreamer.” Your sudden blabbered shout gets the both of them in quick surprise as they take in your behavior. “I don’t wanna go there again! I don’t like it there! He’s so mean to me and I didn’t even do anything.”

“No shouting.” Your mother tries to calm you down but you shake your head getting erratic. “Young lady if you do not lower your voice this instant you will not have supper with us-”

“Please get out of my room. I don’t appreciate you guys not understanding me. Just leave and stop acting like you understand my emotions because you don’t!” You’re far too deep in your emotion to realize that you’ve just commanded and ordered your parents out of your room. But your parents too are in shock at your outburst that they allow themselves out the door as you bang the door. You get shocked by your own behavior but you get on the bed feeling so unfortunate and frustrated.

-

A light knock lands on your door causing you to sniff back as you open the door. Your father. “I apologize for yelling and being angry.”

“I accept your apology.” His tender tone makes you feel guilty for the upsurge you did this afternoon. “Would you like to come and eat?” Still with your head down you nod. “Good. Your food has gone a bit cold, but it’s still there.”

Walking out the room with your father, you come downstairs to see your brother still eating his food and your mother already finished and setting her empty tray in the center of the table. The middle of the table sinks in the tray and comes back up empty. Upon your entrance your mother sternly stares at you. You avoid eye contact as you make it to your seat. Sitting down, before even touching your tray you meekly look up to her stern and upset eyes. “I apologize for the ruckus I caused this afternoon.”

“You mean disturbance and the tantrum?” She has a deep frown on her face. You can’t even look at her. “Do you know where bad kids go if they don’t obey their parents? They get released. Immediately. Do you want to be released?” She questions sternly and you shake your head. “You have been greatly honored to carry the duty of being a Dreamer, and what do you do? You rebut.”

“I apologize mother.” You say again, sucking up your lips trying to find a way to bring up the topic in a calm manner. “Mother but I don’t-”

“I am not done talking young lady. Your distressed brother can’t even bring himself to eat because of your uproar.” She continues, making you pay attention to Chenle who still has his chopsticks in his hands but doesn’t eat.

“I apologize brother.” You speak.

He looks up with crystal eyes that would almost break. He stutters out. “I- I accept your apology.”

“I feel disappointed and upset in you Y/n.” Seulgi is vocal about her feelings towards you. “I was flabbergasted this afternoon.”

“I apologize mother.” But that only irks your voice to speak up. “But I’m also stressed and angry-”

“Precision of language.” She’s quick in correcting you. “Do you even know what anger is? You are not feeling angry; you are feeling annoyed and maybe even rebellious.”

“No I’m not. Why do you always try to correct what I’m feeling, when I myself know what I’m feeling? You don’t understand what I went through today- so how can you judge whether I’m angry or not. My mentor the dreamer is a huge jerk and-” You can hear your mother saying precision of language, while your father silently continues to eat in the tense atmosphere and Chenle about cry. “You don’t know what I’m feeling at all but you pretend to know everything. If you claim to know everything why don’t you be the dreamer. I hate it there-”

Your mother’s voice rises. “Young lady. Precision of language. And I’m warning you to lower your tone-”

There’s no way of saying this calmly anymore, as you’re already being fired up with emotions. “Mother you have the power to speak to the chiefs and elders in charge because you work as the head principals for all the schools in this community. I’m sure if you tell them about my amazing participation at the nursing center, then they can change me and put me there-”

“I will not use my position to carry out your obnoxiously spoiled behavior just because you had one bad day at work-”

“It’s not one bad day- this guy is a maniac! He’s so rude and mean!”

“How dare you speak like that about an Elder?” Your mother can’t get any more worked up then she is. This is something new she’s experiencing and Taeyong too senses the rising argument turning into something bad. He gets up and moves to Chenle helping him out his seat and leading him up the stairs to his room. He wasn’t allowed to see such waves of emotions.

“Father,” Chenle asks lowly in sorrow. “Why are mother and Y/n yelling?”

“Don’t worry Chenle. It’ll be alright. Just brush your teeth and get ready for bed. You can take your injection alone this time, while father goes to assist mother in trying to calm down your sister. Okay?”

“Okay father.” Chenle nods his head, obeying the words of his father. While Taeyong goes back down the stairs only to hear the escalation of the conversation.

A word arises in you in heaps of and you blurt it out. “No!” You complain. “It’s not fair.” Your chair falls back at you stand up abruptly.

“Precision of language!” This time Seulgi raises her voice querulously standing up as well evoking her authority over you and deep fury. How dare you talk back? Raise your voice? Say such nonsensical things? Stare her in the eye and continuously breaking and violating all rules of language. “What do you know about fairness? My decision is final and firm. You will go to work tomorrow and obey the Elder Dreamer! Do you hear me?”

“Mother-” You cry out.

“If you will not eat and continue to stand there quarrelling and arguing with me I will send you off to be re-”

“You’re so cruel!” Is your last resort of defiance to her word as you run off from the table and up the stairs. In another act of defiance, you bang the door causing everyone in the house to jolt. Chenle quickly places his wrist over the little robotic stand taking his injection so that he can sleep and not allow his mind to be filled with the worries of the house.

“That little girl has gone mad.” Seulgi storms up the stairs ready to issue you your first warning but yet Taeyong stops her.

“My wife please control yourself. You’re acting out of an unhealthy temper. Calm down please.” Taeyong places his hands gently over her shoulders. Even though touching was only allowed within family members, he still found himself agitated when holding onto his wife. He lets her go when his hands rest on for too long. She deeply breathes in and walks down the stairs to the living room. Taeyong places the other trays in the middle of the table before joining his wife on the couch. Very soon it’ll be sleep time. But he can’t sleep knowing she’s upset. He’s interrupted when the robotic podium by the door beeps.

“Please stand by for a transition.” They’re both up on their feet in an instant with beating hearts as a hologram programs itself and stands in the middle of their living room. They’re stunned to see the general suit of the President. His voice morphs out of the robotic voice into his voice. “Good evening residence of Taeyong.”

“Good evening sir.” They both bow standing straight. The hologram would only present itself in public spaces on special occasions, but seeing it in the middle of their living room they’re in shock. The president of all communities is standing right in their dwelling place. This is either bad or good. But after what happened, it’s most likely the people in Intelligence watching over the communities’ surveillance camera caught onto the argument that was happening.

“I apologize for appearing in just short notice.”

“We accept your apology.”

“It is with utmost importance that you understand everything that I will say.” President Johnny says strictly. “Your daughter has been greatly privileged in the position of being our next Dreamer. She’ll be held in the highest regards at her post. Do you know what that means? That in due time, after Jaemin will step down from his post, all elders will come to your daughter to seek advice on decision making. Including myself. She will be the one who makes the final decision regarding all 7 communities. She will oversee and be the eyes of our world. Your daughter has been selected to undergo a change in her behavior.”

The pressure is almost tangible.

“We’re well pleased with how you’ve handled her unruly emotions, however as protocol, we’ll need to punish her.” Johnny mentions, noting that their activities in the house didn’t go unnoticed by the people watching and listening over various platforms and gadgets. His plan, to lore you in and deal with you himself. Infiltrate your mind about Jaemin and hopefully have you on the president’s side.

“Pardon me President Johnny. Please don’t punish my daughter. It was just her first day and it seems that there was a misunderstanding between her and the Dreamer.” Seulgi politely inputs.

Johnny civilly smiles. “If I must explain why I have appeared here virtually, it’s to address the importance of the Dreamer’s work. It is the only Headquarters we have across all the communities, and thus it’s the only place that has no cameras, no earpieces and no way for us to check in. As elders we are blind to the things she will train about, the pain she will face, the hardship she will have to endure, however all we know is that Dreamer Na Jaemin chose her. If it were my daughter, I too would be concerned seeing her cry, but as he chose her, he saw her fit. Meaning she needs to learn to endure his prude behavior just for a little while.. After all, this is her job, this is the only thing she’s made to do. If she refuses, then we’ll have to release her. And that will be a great loss, not only for your community, but for all the communities. What a shame that will be. I can’t imagine being the parent of a child who’s failed.”

The pressure being put upon them is very much palpable. It almost feels like all the communities are depending on her to get it right. Is this really the great responsibility you’d have to carry?

“As you’ve stated that she shouldn’t be punished, I’m assuming you have a way to convince her to returning to her duty as the Dream Trainee.” Johnny says. “None the less, if she won’t be punished, then one of you will need to take her place. As I speak, there are two securities outside your door ready to take one of you or her. I truly apologize to bring such distressing news like this.”

“We accept-” Seulgi stops speaking when hearing that Taeyong isn’t saying anything. She turns to him and his face is tangled in a severe unyielding hassle.

“I’m sorry to inquire this President Suh.” Taeyong speaks up. “Is it possible for the Dreamer to choose someone else? I don’t deny the great responsibility it is to-”

“Taeyong.” Seulgi hushes him shaking her head. He merely stares at her before directing his gaze to the ground.

“She’s just a little girl. To put all that weight of pressure on her shoulders is-”

“At the ceremony we all deemed her strong. If we change her job, won’t it be unfair to all the other 20’s who might be in similar positions of not liking what job they’re in?” Even though that is highly impossible, Johnny tries to prove a point. In history of the communities, there hasn’t been a single person who has hated their post. For Taeyong to be saying that only makes Johnny understand that Jaemin most certainly provoked you. Johnny tries not to scoff aloud, at this rate Jaemin might remain the only Dreamer again. “Your daughter is not so little anymore and it’s with that behavior that we should send her into punishment now in order to confine her and-”

“No. Please don’t take her.” Seulgi speaks up quickly. Apologizing for interrupting him to which Johnny doesn’t accept the apology, causing the air to be tight. Seulgi puts an end to the visitation. “I apologize for our inadequate behavior. We will do what must be done for our community. Take me instead for her punishment. Her father-” Seulgi in hopes of keeping her family name honored stares at Taeyong. Trying to make him understand that value in society is important then whatever he was feeling for your bratty attitude. “He will talk to her.”

Johnny stares down at the two beings in firmness. Frankly speaking, aside from being president, Johnny really enjoyed making people in the community sweat with fear. It makes him feel really powerful and in control. “I accept your apology. Thank you for your time.”

The hologram turns off and a deep silence is spread throughout the room until a low knock makes itself known. “Taeyong, make sure to speak to her before curfew. We cannot be shamed.” Those are Seulgi’s last words as she makes her way to the door and following the two securities. Taeyong sighs hopelessly taking a seat on the couch. Not good.

“30 minutes to light out.” The distant robotic voice captures the attention of all residence dwellings. Taeyong gets himself up and makes his way to your room. He didn’t want to impose or force you, but it seems like he’ll have to do what must be done.

Entering your room without knocking, Taeyong finds you upright on the bed with a somber look. You already had a feeling of what he’d say. “Father please.”

“You need to be brave my daughter.” He lets out as he sits on the edge of your bed.

“I don’t wanna go back. I don’t want to be a Dreamer. Father please don’t make me go.” You cry out. “Please.” You try to subside your crying but it only turns into a tremble of hiccups. “Please father, can’t we just make a request for them to change me? I don’t want to be Dreamer. He was so mean and unfriendly. Please.”

Taeyong is feeling an overwhelming pit of hurt inside of him. He’s never felt like this before. But seeing you cry and beg only aches him to want to do something for you, but he knows he can’t. If he had the power, he would have recommended you be changed. But he’s not, and it would be unfair to the community. He puts his arms around you. You take a quick second to respond and confide in his embrace. “Father please.” You plead.

“You know,” He speaks quietly. Thinking of how to shatter you but in a light way. “Jisung is still in the nurturing center and he continues to fight for his chance to be a one. Just the same way he’s trying his best, I want you to try your best. Perhaps today was an unpleasant day, but who knows, maybe tomorrow things will be different.” He hears you crying, but he continues on with a heavy heart.

“But he makes me feel so incompetent and so stupid.” You hiccup the words out.

“So prove to him that you are not incompetent or stupid. Do your best my daughter. Because I know that you are not stupid. You are unique. There must be a reason he selected you. If he saw something in you the first time he chose you, then try your best to keep up with that image that he saw. You alone can handle this. It may be a tough journey, but I promise you my daughter, you will bring great honor to your family and for all the communities. You are worthy to lead us all, and I… believe in you.”

Precision of language. You hear in your head. But you don’t say it out loud. The word ‘believe’ has some kind of effect on you to take in what your father said. It’s better than the words of your mother. Your father believed in you, and that’s all that mattered for now. Even though you really didn’t want to go back to the Dream Headquarters, there was no other place you were put in. You were selected and it’s for that reason why all your life you felt different. Maybe it’s what Jaemin saw when he saw you. He believed that you’d be the next Dreamer. Whatever that meant.

-

Breakfast is quiet in the morning, with your mother not being present. You eat your breakfast and try to cheer Chenle up, who woke up extremely quiet. Waking up today, you felt encouraged from your fathers strengthening words. You didn’t want to wear the black clothes, but you had no choice. You picked out the dress that was buttoned down with a white shirt collar inside and tried to force a smile on your face. Giving yourself a pep talk. It worked well because you were able to cheer Chenle up… slightly.

“Father,” You ask as he leaves the door just as Chenle gets his bike ready. “Where is mother?”

Taeyong has no idea what the punishment was or when she’d be back. He simply smiles. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be taking Chenle to school. Try and have a good day at work okay?”

You gulp. “Alright.”

You don’t see Jeno along the path and decide to ride your bike to the unfamiliar roads towards the edge. Your hands ball over the material of the dress before you sigh in and walk towards the door. “Let’s try this one more time.”

Nothing’s changed upon your arrival, you still gaze at the censor and the door opens up in a creepy way, the endless halls feel even longer today and at last upon getting to the Dreamer door, you push it open. The only thing different today is that you see the Dreamer already seated on the single couch… sipping on a little cup. You push the door quietly behind you catching his attention. His head instantly springs towards the uninvited guest. Seeing you, his nonchalant gaze doesn’t change. “You’re back.” Great, he sarcastically groans.

You take in a sharp breath, feeling like you can smell the rushing waters and the pure air around. “Rule number one. Report directly to the Dreamer, Na Jaemin for my training. After training I should return immediately to my dwelling. Rule number two. As of this moment on I’m exempted from all rules governing rudeness. I may ask questions. Rule three. Aside from my sleep injection medication, I’m not allowed to take any other form of medication. Especially for the pain. Rule number four. I may not discuss my training with anyone. Ever. And rule number five allows me to lie.”

You suck up your breath with your hands behind your back watching him with a look of determination. Perhaps your father was right and your mother too was right. Yesterday was just one bad day, and it shouldn’t be how you define Dreamer Na Jaemin.

“Dude it’s like 7 in the morning, I just woke up.” He simply stares up at you shaking his head. “A good morning would’ve done the job just fine.”

“But you said, and I quote that I should miss you with that greeting. I assume you don’t like greetings.”

He sighs. You sound chatty today. “I don’t like those manufactured greetings that everyone is obliged to do. Have some personality is what I mean.”

“Personality?”

He deeply sighs rolling his eyes, stretching his hand and signaling you to come down. This time you’re quick in rushing down the stairs with loud and rapid steps causing Jaemin to turn his head back at you in discombobulation as he watches you spiraling down the steps with quick feet. Damn. Someone’s eager today. Before he knows it, you’re already down the steps and walking towards him hastily. You stop several feet away from him. Confusion… Maybe even muddled thoughts, is what’s happening in Jaemin’s head. “And then? What the hell? Why’re you beating down on my floors like that? Fuck, do you want to break them?”

“I apolo-” You stop yourself from apologizing recalling how irritated he got when you kept apologizing. “Yesterday you told me to be fast.” You explain. “My intentions were not to break the floors. However, I made no such move to destroy your floors by walking on them.”

Jaemin sighs and rubs his head. “It’s too early for this.” He mumbles and waves his hand over to the long couch opposite him. “Take a seat. I was just having my breakfast.”

You wish to apologize for interrupting, yet your head tilts to the side in confusion when seeing him attend to his own breakfast instead of it being delivered by the table… Come to think of it, and by the looks of it, his table did not look like anything you had in your house. Instead, he’s got a tray… a little… cup. You think. You’ve never heard of a cup before. Everyone in the community used bottles. Even before you came down… your mind made reference to the cup he was drinking from. He leans forward taking a knife utensil in his hand and spreading a thick substance over bread… the bread looks a shade black and you blink twice in astonishment. Your eyes try not stare in absolute confusion or dread, but when you meet his eyes and watching as they’re already on you with an amused smirk, you lean back and sit up straight. “The community eliminated simple breakfast such as toasted bread or chocolate spreading because of allergies erupting, intolerance or even things like smell or color- which you can’t see.” Jaemin mutters.

“I apologize- I mean… I don’t apologize.” You clear your throat looking ahead and away from him as he eats his food. The things he said about allergies, smell and color… are all new to you.

He sighs and shakes his head continuing to spread ‘chocolate’ over his toast. “Give me a second to eat and I’ll get back to you.” His eyes peer at yours before he continues eating, ignoring you. Frankly speaking, he didn’t think you’d come back. With the way you cried before leaving his layer, he already deemed you as unfit and thus feeling like he made another horrible choice. However, you’re here. And he has yet to ask you why. But for now, he eats his food, as you stare back and forth to anything that catches your eye. The tree staircase. The books on the wall…

You’ve never seen so many books before. In classes, the only person who had a book was the teacher as she/he taught everyone. You and the rest of your classmates were assigned to remember and memorize the words she said by brain memory. You’ve never opened a book before or see more than one. So to see all the books on the wall has you hooked.

“You can take a look at them if you like.” Jaemin mumbles nodding to the thing that has captivated your attention the most. Your head snaps back to him politely smiling and looking back. Getting up carefully, holding onto your skirt. You walk towards the books, being careful of the floor, hearing your shoes tapping on it. Nearing the long shelf of books, your eyes with interest read over the titles on the spine. Over each shelf there’s a little metallic bar that has titles for each section. Science fiction, fiction, paranormal etc. You get drawn to a certain title that’s on the far left near the lift.

‘Reality’. Looking the books that surround the shelf, one captures your attention… ‘Dreamscape’ You carefully pull it out of its slot. It’s a hardcover and it’s black, with a heavy font title. You’ve never opened a book before, but you can already expect the type of things to be in it. For one, it should be words. Yet, for some reason, in this book… instead of words you see… pictures. Odd pictures that play with your mind and intelligence.

“That’s a good pick.” You cover the book quick turning to the side seeing Jaemin’s hands stuffed in his gown pockets as he enters the lift. “I’m going to change.” He mumbles. Soon the elevator closes and he’s out of sight. Turing around you see his breakfast still on the table. Still with the book in hand, you walk back to the table taking a seat, you look through the peculiar pictures being in awe and even amazement of what you’re seeing. Thankfully after every picture on one page, there’s a back page with the illustration of artwork.

‘Dreamscape. A noun. A realm taking place in a dream. It can be shaped and changed by skilled dreamers. A blank canvas on which dreams are formed. It can also be daydreaming deeply. It duplicates a fanatically fascinating scene as seen in a dream.’

The pictures you see are things you’ve never seen before in your entire life… yet with the longer you look… a name comes to mind. Your eyes are in pure wonder by the obscurity of the art being displayed. There’s something eerie about the pictures yet so insightful. You end up getting freaked out by the eerie similarity it has to reality. To think that these things exist is off putting. As this book is called the dreamscape, would it mean that you’ll be seeing more of these things?

Your eyes move to the table, where one color of the cup stands out to you. You place everything on the tray and pick up the tray looking for a disposable place to put it. It seems like the dreamer Na Jaemin doesn’t have any of the recent modifications to his house. Everyone has the same layout of their houses, but Jaemin’s house… or rather the Dream center doesn’t have the same things as out there. You end up not exploring the place and just leave the tray on the side of the table after cleaning up the space nicely.

“I’m gonna just kick off with where we brutally ended off yesterday.” Jaemin’s presence is brought back in the room when he strides towards the table. He notices that you’ve cleaned up the table for him. He inhales inside as he takes a seat. “But before I start, I just wanted to excuse myself for how I behaved yesterday.”

Your ears are attentive to that. “If your mood was spoiled upon my presence, then I truly apologize. I was nervous and unprepared. I took up your time and for that I apologize. I can assure you that I am a fast person and-”

“That’s not necessary.” He tightly smiles bowing his head to scratch his nape. “You caught me during a bad time. And I dare even say I’m used to being alone and seeing you in my house just threw me off guard. So when you showed up, I was already up here-” He motions with his hand as if motioning a bar. You assume he was already upset.

“I accept your apology.”

He looks like he’s about to speak again, but after hearing you he sighs and shuts his eyes. You hold onto your fingertips wondering if it’s because accepted his apology that he got upset. “Do me favor. When you’re here, try and not be… robotic.” He opens up his eyes peering deeply into your eyes. “See it like this. You’re now a Dreamer, you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Here, in this place, with me, you are free.”

“That’s a… precision of language.”

“What is?”

“Being free.” You utter lowly. “That evokes unrestricting behavior.”

He smiles at that. “Trust me. When you’re here with me, you’re free. Freedom is not what they’ve taught you. For as long as you’re here with me, everything you’ve been taught in school will soon be put to shame. So, let’s start again. Why do you think I picked you?” He prays that you’re prepared this time.

Already having prepared the answer at home, you respond accordingly. “I assume you picked me because of my excellent scores in academics. I have shown a keen understanding in almost all of our communities rules and how our world works and-”

Jaemin merely blinks staring at you. His eye twitches nonchalantly in irritation but he tries to compose himself. He can’t fathom that this is how his life is going to be from now on. You answer on as if you’re being questioned for an interview. You ramble on about the things you’ve done in your classes, projects and in all honesty they sound great, but to Jaemin he doesn’t give a damn about your achievements. So when he cuts you off, it’s because he’s tired of hearing you speak. “Your robotic voice is already doing the things it shouldn’t be doing. Tell me about the day you first noticed that you were ‘different’. That something seemed unusual in this bubble world. The day the sky turned blue, the day you fell asleep without taking your nightly dosage. I wanna hear about that. Being a dreamer is not so much about your excellence in projects, it’s more so about seeing beyond. It’s what caught my eye when I saw you.”

You nod slightly, feeling your heart beat slow down by his calm demeanor when addressing you. “Seeing beyond… would that mean seeing something that others can’t?” Jaemin nods his head. “I don’t know if I’ve seen beyond, but I can confess to seeing something in the sky… You called it blue. It’s what I saw. The sky was blue. But would this mean that you’ve been watching me all the time? Is that how you were able to tell?”

“Honestly the first time I laid my eyes on you was three days, riding your bike while looking up at the sky. I work in Intelligence, so I’m in charge mostly for the injections and serums that the community takes in order to remain ‘the same’, so I get noticed when someone doesn’t take their injection. Which is rare. But after seeing you, I noticed that your record captured that you’d often take your injection late and not at the same time as everyone.” Jaemin lets you in.

“But, President Johnny said you weren’t haste in making selecting.” What can this mean?

“I wasn’t haste. I saw your eyes.” Jaemin states, this time his eyes… doing something to you. “And I already knew. You see, the serums and injections are modified and cultivated by the Dreamers of the past to keep everyone the same. But you, aren’t the same like them. You can see beyond. Our duty as Dreamers, is to make sure we’re bound to never repeat the mistakes our descendants of the past made in destroying the world.” Jaemin gives insight, to which you’re surprised. “If you want me to be frank with you, I chose you off a hunch that you saw the blue color in the sky.”

“Color.” You say slowly…by the new word that just formed a second ago. Not only color but all sorts of new words; utensil knife, cup… These are words you’ve never known before. It looks like today Dreamer Na Jaemin seems to be willing to share something with you. “Will you be… sharing with me what color is?

For the first time, since you’ve been here, Na Jaemin displays a smile. “You’re here for one purpose. To dream beyond the infinite universe. I will transmit to you all the memories and all the dreamscapes I hold.”

You clear your throat. “I would be very interested in learning about your life,”

“No, not my life. Memories of the everything before the war.” Jaemin smirks a little. “You will learn the secret history of the world. About the past long before you were born, or even me, or even anyone in these damn communities. Generations dating back. You’ll learn everything. So, as the memories come, words you’ve never heard of before will also sparkle into your head as if you’ve always known them.”

“I’m not understanding…” You say lowly. “Memories of the world?”

“Yes, the large world we live in, not just here in our communities. There’s much more, so much beyond what we know. I received all of those when I was selected too. And here in this room all alone, I re-experienced them again and again, it’s how the wisdom comes, and how we shape our future. For example, color. These are sights to behold, that fill life with kinetic energy. You can see the color blue now, but in due time all the colors will manifest themselves. When they’ll come, instantly catch onto it’s name.” Jaemin gets up and begins to drag the glass table to the side. Once he’s done, he scoots his chair closer to you, your knees almost touching.

You feel uncomfortable by his proximity and shift backwards in your seat, creating some space again. Jaemin notices this, but doesn’t say much as he holds out his hands. “You see, no one in our community has any memories of the past. Only me. When the elders need guidance in things they’ve never experienced, I provide wisdom. Which will now be your role, using the guidance of the memories of the past. Our community thrives in avoiding anything that will lead to the disasters of the previous world we’ve left behind.”

Confused is what you are. But you don’t voice it.

“Give me your hands.”

“My hands?”

He nods his head while removing his leather black jacket and then holding out both of his hands.

You unwillingly stretch your hands to him, peering up at him … you gaze onto the palm of his hands when seeing a rectangular darkened shape right in the middle, it’s small but it’s dark enough for you to see. It’s exactly the same like yours. On the palm of your hands there’s also a rectangular shape in a shade darker. “Isn’t touching prohibited?”

“With me it’s not.” He takes your hands in his and you shiver just by how cold his are. Jaemin feels your soft hands tilting his head to the side when gazing at your nervous ones. “In anyway, if this hurts, let me know.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll open your mind.” Holding your hands firmly by aligning the rectangular shapes onto each other instantly as if being in a trance you fall unconscious blacking out.

At first it’s just darkness like sleep as you see nothing. The blackness soon fades, leaving little flickering lights coming clear to your vision. Next thing you know, you can’t feel Jaemin’s hands anymore… but it’s like you’re transported to some other place. And then that’s when you feel it. The sound hits your ears first, before you feel the pressure of the wind against your face. Your eyes follow on as you flatter them to open. Instantly your view is engulfed by the optical sight of wonder. Your eyes enlarge… the skies, the clouds passing by rapidly as you’re on some sort of carriage, vehicle.

The odd word comes in your head. There’s no roof and you seem to be navigating it. Your hands are on a circular object, you turn it lightly and it causes you to shift the vehicle to another lane. You’re in awe the shades and hues of… color as they bounce out of the black and grey and turn into… colors you’ve never seen before… At first you see blue first, on the skies… and then on the grass, a bright refreshing pop spreads all over into…green… you think. Not only that, you notice your hands as a shade brightens your skin, the wheel of the vehicle and eventually also the car itself spreads into a color that you can’t really tell… or catch onto the word.

Instead of wondering about the color, your ears get engulfed by the wind, it swirls in your ears whooshing past your hair and tingles your skin. The speed of the vehicle increases when you press down on something. With the road narrow and endless, you smile as you look out the window of the vehicle enjoying the sights of everything…

Until-

You’re jolted awake briskly snapping your eyes open! “What was that?!” You hastily pull your hands away from Jaemin backing up in fright as you stand and look around, your back hits the floor to ceiling wall window and you rapidly turn around. You can’t even follow the sight of the waterfall, because your eyes are trapped on the sudden… colors forming over the landscape that was once grey… the waterfall has shades of blue as it continues endlessly down, while the scenery of grass and trees and shrubs dealing downwards turn… green. Despite your eyes being open your mind is transported back to that memory of the vehicle you were in… “Car.” You turn around in disbelief shock, as your hands reenact the scene of how you were driving the… car. “It’s a car…”

Jaemin is shocked that you catch onto the names fast. He wasn’t expecting for you to get it that quick. He hums out in understanding… so this is what happens when he’s with a real dreamer… and not when he tries to force someone to be a dreamer. “Yeah, that was a car. It took me a while to get it, but you got it on your first try. Good job”

“What is it though?” You ask curiously (subtly remembering that he just complemented you) walking back to the chair and taking a seat keenly leaning in to hear what Jaemin has to say. “That car, why don’t we have it anymore? It was… extraordinary.” You’re speechless but the enlarged smile on your face has Jaemin lightly smiling for a bit.

“Well, for starters, cars ran on engine and fuel which sometimes would pollute the air. Bad gas in the air caused harm to the earth and different lands harboring crops. Alternative solutions were made to reduce air pollution, such as the car running on battery instead of gas, but with that also came complications of its own. One problem leading to another problem.” Your ears take in all this new information of the foreign thing you were on minutes ago. You listen well, as Jaemin explains. “But for now, I don’t want you to pay mind to why we don’t have it. I want you to… use your senses, to live in the dreamscape, to feel, touch, taste, see, hear, experience all these things. Here, let’s do another one.”

Eagerly you lean close and place your hands out. Jaemin keenly blinks, already knowing that the dreamscape is your favorite activity.

This time you close your eyes eagerly waiting for Jaemin to hold onto your hands. And he does so, his manly rough hands don’t hold you too tight, but his grip is firm enough that this time you literally feel… it may sound odd, but you literally feel your skin merging into his.

Meanwhile Jaemin too shuts his eyes as he inhales deeply deciding to give you another type of dreamscape memory vision of another type of vehicle. It’s like transferring his conscious into yours as you receive the vision, as your hands unconsciously hold his grip tighter… not wanting to let the scene pass you by. Unlike the previous dreamscape vision memory which was a… car in a large field and endless road, in this scene, you shiver lightly and watch as your breath creates a visible air. You notice that you’ve got on such a huge jacket as well as warm pants and… gloves. The odd word forms in your head. There’s something on your head too, protecting you from the temperature drop. A beanie. You rub your hands as your eyes watch in pure innocence at the sight of little whites falling from the sky and landing on the ground. This time the sky is not blue but it’s murky grey and white, the ground is also white and with every step you take, you see your footprints being left behind.

Being interested in something far into the distance, you trudge towards it feeling the ground being a lot heavy as your steps sips into the floor. You get to the weird item on the floor. It’s wooden, shaped in a rectangular manner and has handles. Seemingly already knowing what to do, you get on it holding onto its handle and then… all of a sudden your eyes enlarge as the wooden craft moves along and slides off the white floor… which is a mountain. Holding tightly onto the rope handles, your mouth opens wide in pure delight feeling your cheeks get frozen, yet the beam on your face replaces the cold.

You’re back with a jolt looking around being saddened that it ended all too quickly. “What was that?”

“The dreamscape comes with a name, go ahead,”

You try to think hard, trying to know what you were on. Letting go of Jaemin’s hands you move to the floor and kneel on one knee while lifting your arms up pretending to hold onto the ropes again as you think. Not even a second passes when your curious eyes open up again. “A sleigh. Sledge. Right?”

Jaemin nods his head being content that you’re catching on quick.

“But why would they want to remove that? It was so fun-” You rapidly stand up in pure confusion of why something so fun was removed, but then you recall the whites… “There was something else. The ground and air were different,” You open your palm looking up to the ceiling remembering how it feel down.

“Snow.” Jaemin assists you.

“Snow.” You repeat and bite your lip holding onto your cheek as you recall how cold it was. “I was wearing so many coats and my shoes were large. Did my parents have snow? Did you?”

“No, no.” Jaemin shakes his head leaning back on his chair. “It’s a very distant dreamscape. That weather is known as winter. Here in the community, you’ll soon notice that the air and humidity is boxed in a level cool stratosphere. Each community has it’s open bubble. Not too hot and not too cold.”

“Oh, would that explain all those clouds on the edge?”

Jaemin nods his head. “Yes. The ‘mist’ on the edge is the barrier between the communities. Anyway, back to the dreamscape, we don’t have snow anymore because of climate control,”

“But, why don’t the people know about this?” You shake your head, taking a seat again as you think of all the communities in ‘bubbles’. “What’s so dangerous about the dreamscape, or memory of the sledge?”

“What’s dangerous?” Jaemin pretends to wonder but then shrugs his shoulders. “For a sledge you need snow. Snow is cold. The cold destroys crops. Which meant that farmers couldn’t farm. But to ride the sledge you’d need to be on a mountain. Unpredictable weather tagged with hills and mountains was dangerous altogether, made it difficult to transport food. Transportation used trucks, trucks are large vehicles, bigger then cars. If the truck slipped then fire would erupt destroying not only the crops but the truck and the person in it. The list goes on hunger, starvation, famine. With good, also comes the bad. In the previous world there was no balance, as mother nature also did what it wanted. But with the communities, we’ve created balance.”

“But sure some things can be prevented. In the communities, we don't even make our own food, so to eliminate some things is just unfair,” You reach out your hands. "Show me more."

This time Jaemin takes a look at them before looking back into your amazed eyes. “Let’s go for a walk.”

You draw closer reaching your hands out to him, causing him to smirk. “A real one. With those two transportation parts that you call legs.” He lowly chuckles, getting up from his seat. You follow right next to him, taking notice of his height and long legs. You try to keep up. He begins to go up the stairs and you follow him until you catch onto another color.

“The sleigh was that color.” You point out onto a book that seems to stand out of the other grey books. But upon looking at the wall of books again, you’re surprised when colors like green and blue are on some spines of the books. “Come to think of it, also the car was this color.”

Jaemin’s eyes peer to the book you’re pointing at. “Red. For your information, the car you rode was a convertible with a hood down. Expensive car. We’ll come back later and then I’ll explain what it is that I want from you.”

“Okay.”

The walk with The Dreamer Na Jaemin is very interesting. It’s like your eyes are opened for the first time, as your eyes marvel to the sudden pop and revelation of color… red, blue and green. Not only that, you also see fades of the color on people’s clothes. For one you and Jaemin are wearing black, everyone in the community is supposed to wearing white, however you see lighter shades of red, blue and green on them. “Dreamer,”

“You can call me Jaemin.”

“Oh,” You nod your head. Being stunned for a second that he's actually kind of… humanly generous. “Jaemin. I wanted to ask, how many colors are there?”

“Many. Pink, orange, yellow, purple, red, green, blue and more.” Jaemin nods his head. “You’ll see them all in time. But our community or rather the previous Dreamers chose to do away with all that. Race, religion, colors.”

You have yet to ask what race and religion mean, but you slightly get upset at all the wondrous things being taken away. “But why? Color is beautiful, can you see them all?”

“Yes,” Jaemin sighs. “I try to dye my hair with all the colors, hoping that one day someone might notice something.” But nobody ever does. Here in the communities, aside from the pastel colors of sameness, there was nothing really to admire, which is why Jaemin liked to sit in his headquarters, because he’d fill it up with so many colors, make the room come alive. For example while his headquarters had lively colors bursting out, here in the community Jaemin would watch at how workers would install fake branches on a prototype steam to create an illusion of a tree… only problem was that the tree wasn’t it’s actual color. It was a grey brown, but in the community the people would see grey, and the leaves were a white green, but the community would see white. Everything nature would bloom would be cut out and here in the community everything would be remade plastic. Even the grass has a way of looking real but not being real. Jaemin turns to you, your upset face really gets him remembering how he also felt when his Dreamer… Moon Taeil, would explain why a lot of the things were removed. And not mention Jaemin also helped in removing many things. “They created sameness. Because if we were different, it would lead to people being envious, angry, resentful, consumed with hatred. We need sameness.” Jaemin concludes. “What do you think?”

After his response, you kind of agree to the benefits of sameness because your everyday life was filled with sameness. But now, as your eyes take note of the pastel colors, you wonder if really it would be so wrong. “I agree that we need sameness.” Jaemin hums while stuffing his hands in his leather pocket.

You both stroll on the paved ground, while you notice new things, Jaemin's eyes move around the stillness of the community, of the people walking like mindless clones of each other. He hates leaving his headquarters and walking around, because he always gets upset at the reality that everyone is living.

Being a dreamer, means living with a world that exists only in dreams. There’s nothing that he craves for outside of his dreams, because this reality has nothing for him to live for. So as you chatter about how differences should be put back and it making people individual, he’s mindlessly in his own head eyes fixed on nothing but his own thoughts.

You stop speaking when noticing that he isn’t answering to your questions. “Dreamer?”

Nothing.

Wanting his attention on you, and not knowing how else to get it, you stop right in front of him- but you’re surprised that he literally bumps into you- instantly blinking his eyes and looking down at you. “I apologize- I mean sorry.” You instantly say, seeing that indeed he’s not even focusing on where he walks. “You zoned out.”

He inhales and exhales smiling a bit. “It happens.”

“I want to ask something. The Dreamscape…” You begin as you look up to him. He folds his arms nodding his head. “How… How does it happen? How are you able to… make me see it, and feel and hear and just… be in it?”

“Nicely.” He smiles, and your eyes are fixated on his teeth, his got a pretty smile. This is the first time he’s smiling. He breathes in deeply and peers his eyes around. “Shall we sit?”

“But there’s no bench around,”

Jaemin begins to remove his leather jacket and moves underneath a tree. You follow behind him curiously, wondering why he’s going down on his knees and placing his jacket on the ground. You’re even more surprised when he actually sits down on the floor and pats his leather jacket. “You can sit here,”

“On the floor?” Your eyes enlarge. It’s only your second day, but so far all the things he’s shown you and said, is such a great taboo… So of of course sitting on the floor is natural for him. You timidly but quickly follow and sit on top of his leather jacket as he nods his head. He’s got his back against the tree with his knees arched and his arms around it. You simply tuck your legs underneath your body sitting next to him also facing forward. “Why are we sitting on the floor?”

“Back then, sitting on the ground, or rather on the grass was known as a leisurely activity. Others would have picnics and gather around and spend time with each other while admiring the view and beauty of nature.” You try to picture what he says, but the scene already is so bizarre. People sitting on the floor… for fun? You can feel just how everyone else is feeling, especially when other people walk on the sidewalk and glance towards you and Jaemin like you’re weird. No one else is on the grass, and the gardeners can only glance in confusion before continuing their work of installing fake trees. “This isn’t even a real tree. It’s designed like one, but if you look at it… it can’t compare to the ones back then.”

Your eyes go on the tree… and you see nothing unusual about it. It has a cylinder circumference and has leaves on it. “How else is a tree supposed to look? Because I can assure you the tree in your headquarters is a lot weirder.” You question.

Jaemin smirks and holds out his hand nudging it in your direction. “Take my hand,”

“People are around?”

“So?” He chuckles softly. “Just hold it, I’m your trainer I wouldn’t do anything that’s not of your interest.”

“Really? Because rule number 5 says you’re allowed to lie.” You state. “Does that mean you lie?”

“For personal amusements, yes. To you though,” Jaemin shakes his head, his eyes literally peering into yours, making you feel… self-consciously aware of your feelings, as you feel air bumbling in your stomach. “I won’t lie.”

Without saying anymore, you place your hand in his and as he closes his eyes, your own vision blacks out, blocking out your real world senses and instantly being transported to a vibrant place.

The first thing you feel, even before you open your eyes, is the warmth all around you, almost like a heat so palpable. Your eyes flatter open and you look up to the sky trying to adjust to all the light pouring in place. The sun rests high on the sky… you can’t tell what color it is, but with the way it emits its warmth over you, has you grinning. You navigate your gaze back to the lower level immediately being immersed by so much- you don't know what to describe first. Grass so green sprinkled with little white flowers… or the fact that the vastly large field is so great and wide that it encompasses so many people… or even the fact that there's so much life spread around the field. People in different clothes and body sizes. People; sitting on little blankets either in pairs or groups and even alone, or others sitting directly on the grass reading over books, some even lay on the grass. Taking in the scenery around you, your ears are filled with the sounds of laughter and joyous chatter and even a serene peace.

Your eyes are taken to a red carriage as a woman pushes it. She's got on a beautiful dress. You can't tell its color but you know that she feels so comfortable in it. She brings out a little blanket and spreads it over the grass before placing a basket on it. Next she brings out the baby from the carriage and showers the child with so much affection that your own eyes widen. How can she display that in public? Her smile is so large as the baby wiggles in her arms. She cradles the baby as she sits on top of the blanket. Three young boys walk up to the blanket carrying several of things and they place it down, one boy instantly brings out this weird almost slopping bread and eats it with a wide mouth. Another boy… gets out an oddly shaped object and directs it towards the other boy who's not even paying attention. He does something to the object and out squirts water. You jolt when seeing the spring shower of water come out of it. It causes the other boy to be wet.

He audibly laughs before bringing out his own object and out of it also comes water. The both of them are chasing each other across the field while the boy eating pizza stays close to the woman… probably his mother.

"Come and sit,"

Hearing the voice from behind you, you spin your head around only to notice Jaemin… Your eyes enlarge so much when noticing the shadow first on the ground and then the roots spiritling out the ground and morphing tall and high around a large bark… it stretches meters high and large and with so many branches sprawls out leaves… "A tree…" You marvel at it.

Jaemin smiles, watching you being fascinated by the sight. "Told you it's not the same," He says as you draw close and near to him.. Your eyes are solely focused on the tree… getting close to it, your hand spreads out and lands on the oak. Feeling it's texture underneath your skin, your breath is stolen yet again when another color begins to manifest.

"Br… Brown?" You look down to Jaemin who nods his head. You turn around and the of course the new color brown begins to highlight certain people, objects. You smile and take a seat next to Jaemin… But noticing your own clothes. You jump back seeing all your legs being revealed. Your arms cross over to hide the exposure however you notice the denim shorts you're wearing. With socks around your ankles and a simple shirt tucked in, you look to Jaemin, only seeing him in his usual black clothes… but his body proportions are a bit toned in size, such his muscles. "What am I wearing?"

Jaemin chuckles and pats the spot next to him, over the blanket. "Those would be clothes."

His one answer has you launching out so many more questions to him. Jaemin lets you ask away as you lose your mind in delight about how this exists and why don't we have it anymore, about the people, the clothes, the grass and tree and sun- you even question his smile and biceps!

"What? You don't like seeing me smile?” Jaemin questions jokingly. “And how can you not like my biceps? I worked hard on these,” He flexes his muscles- which you respond by laughing nervously… You don’t know how to react as he continues to pump up the veins over his muscles.

“No!” You get flattered holding your hand out and shaking your head. “No, I mean, you can have your muscles and smile. It’s just…” It’s weird. You think to yourself. A day ago, he was the enemy, and you had prepared yourself to dislike him but now… he’s smiling.

“Starting off, you asked how is all this able to happen,” He sighs before crossing his legs and leaning on the palm of his hand. “This is a dreamscape. A dreamscape is a place where reality has been stripped away, leaving only the illusion of it. An illusion. So all this, is like living inside of a dream.”

“What’s a dream?”

“Normally, when you sleep, you’re supposed to get dreams. Dreams… Dreams are like reality, only except it’s created in your head. Your mind creates visuals, imaginations that go beyond our world. Same with a dreamscape like this, it has all the same qualities of the real world, but just more. These are real things that have happened, to someone who’s had this memory. I’m just transmitting it to you.” Jaemin somberly smiles before his eyes turn a bit distraught. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

Your heart pumps fast as you find yourself asking after a while. “It is. If this was all real once, why did the Dreamers remove it?”

“Sameness is sickening, but the past Dreamers were convinced that we needed sameness, and so here we have it.” He says. “The burden of a dreamer is removing little things from the real world because of the harm they can do. Dreamers live with all these dreamscapes and memories with no one to share them with. The people in here seem real, but they’ve long passed. All this is a memory. It can kind of make you feel lonely.” He vulnerably answers quietly. “I’ve only been a dreamer for 4 years, and I'm guilty of also contributing to removing things from our boxed up world."

"Why?"

"People take advantage of the little." Jaemin recalls Johnny. "So why allow it to remain and slowly turn ugly? Its not like a do it because I want to. I read the signs fast and act on it. It burdens me when I do it, because then I'll be the only one with the memory of it, but I know it's for the greater good of the community.”

“Greater good? I've never understood why there's one Dreamer, but surely keeping all that to yourself isn't healthy, it's… it can be depressing. Now that I’m a Dreamer you can share that loneliness with me.” Jaemin simply nods his head. “So for how long did he you train and how long do you expect me to train so that I can understand why you and the previous dreamers removed things?”

“Well for starters, I don’t intend on rushing anything with you. Like President Johnny said, we can’t afford another failure.” Jaemin sighs and closes his eyes feeling the wind pass him, your eyes watching how his hair flows with the wind. “It takes 2 years to train a dreamer fully, but Dreamer Taeil trained me in under a year before he died.”

“What’s died?” Your eyes enlarge by the new word. “And what do you mean, you can’t afford another failure?”

“He kicked the bucket. He was released to elsewhere. As for the failure dreamer. Before you, in another community there was another selected Dreamer. Let’s just say, the president didn’t really approve of him being a dreamer and wanted me to work longer.” Jaemin speaks in generic terms. “Anyway, our job as dreamers is to hold onto memories and dreams and give guidance to the Neorists, not try and create rebellion or make things harder for everyone. Let’s take a trip down memory lane-” Jaemin stops his speech when seeing you put out your hands, but that has him smiling coyly. “I mean with my words.”

“Oh.” You retreat your hands looking bummed but still eager to hear.

“They lied to you." Jaemin starts off already breaking the ice. “Each community has a large surface area being enclosed by this bubble high up in the sky, it manages the weather, controls the air, and if need to be done can control the people. Your teachers were taught a lie, and thus taught a mass number of students lies. Everyone here has believed in a lie and made that lie a truth.”

“What lie did they believe?”

"That sameness is the answer." He leans forward his shoulders hunching. “We’re trapped in a bubble. Forced to start afresh every damn damn time something goes wrong. Like new born babies. The bubble keeping us in pours ignorance in the air. Making everyone to not only forget, but to remain indifferent.”

“Why?”

“Why we’re trapped or why we’re ignorant?” He smirks, but doesn’t find it funny. “Well to answer both, we’re trapped because the world outside this bubble is infected with a disease so strong it can kill you just by breathing it in. And we’re ignorant inside this bubble so that we don’t cause panic amongst everyone. Tell me, would you say our community is perfect?”

“Yes it is.”

“Why?” He follows up.

At this point, from birth it’s already been engraved into your system. “Our communities have no sicknesses, no fear, no pain, no envy, no hate, no troubles. Everyone has enough, nothing more and nothing less. We can all survive peacefully. And not like the times during the war.” You nod your head.

Jaemin nods his head almost sardonically- sarcastically getting you to stop instantly. “At this point its mere head knowledge, why would I ask. You’re right. This community is perfect. We’ve cured diseases such as cancer, diabetes, corna, and so many more viruses too.” You’re confused at the weird words he’s saying. Were those diseases of the past? “Everyone in the community thinks and acts the same because of the serum injections. All the tasks here in this community are done manually and the people do routine tasks on the clock for the rest of their lives. We’re just lifeless humans. Just moving and advancing the community. I can say we’re trapped, but the community would say otherwise. The people in here don’t know what’s out there. They just know that the world outside is places that have never recovered from the war. They make us repeat over and over that we’re lucky to be here in the communities, and to some extent, I agree. But really, if the people knew what’s out there they would lament just as we Dreamers do, but one brave Dreamer saw that it wasn’t fair for everyone to be sad so he allowed for only one Dreamer at a time to carry all the burdens and joys of this earth. And made everyone believe that there’s nothing out there for us that we're better inside. My only problem is how, I have to live with the pain of carrying all these isolated memories. The community, they have never known pain.” He thinks. The realization makes him feel desperately lonely. “But there’s nothing left to do but continue and not allow them to feel pain.”

“Honestly. I can’t lie.” You shake your head. “The truth is, with the little you’ve shown me, all I want to do is show others.”

"I know it's tempting." Jaemin looks to you. “I’m able to transmit to you these dreamscapes through the palm of my hands. These rectangles in the palm of our hands, is what makes you and I different from everyone else in the community. Without this, they can’t see what we see.”

“But why? How?”

“They’re known as birthmarks. It’s like this, once you look up to the sky, and see something odd it immediately does something to your body. You get this.” He opens the palm of his hand showing his own rectangle birthmark. “Everybody can look up to the sky, and all of them miss out on that one thing that changes everything. It’s the first time you break the bubble with your eyes and see the sky, and see the color blue.”

Again, the memory comes to you, of the first time you noticed the sky changing in hue… in color. In blue.

“What’s believed to happen is that, Dreamers are crying babies.”

“Crying baby?”

Jaemin nods his head. “Fate. From the moment you’re born in this community, you breathe in the toxic air to forget. You’re then brought up in a way that shapes and molds you to the communities needs and wants. But as fate has it, there’s always 1 crying baby. Every 10 years I can say 1 crying baby is born. That crying baby is already fated to be the next Dreamer. It’s just fate. Some of the past Dreamers would usually just keep the memories to themselves for a very long time until their death clock would strike at the age of 70 some even 90. But others, saw it fit to give up being a Dreamer and let someone else carry the burden.”

Your mind wanders off to the Nurturing Center, to that one crying baby. “Dreamer Na but you've only been a dreamer for 4 years.” You pause and look at him. “Why are you giving all this to me?"

Jaemin bites his lip looking away from you. After all that's happened in the accounts of him being a dreamer, he doesn't want to be the one carrying all of this nonsense. Life made no sense. "I'm not strong enough."

"And who decided that?" You question, causing Jaemin to look back at you with a strange look. "Dreamer Na. The communities can benefit from your knowledge too."

"It's not that simple. I don't possess all that courage. I get angry easily and I give in too easily. Those in power have driven me insane. Giving them one innocent dreamscape has them slowly turning it into a burden. It only takes one person to ruin the good in something so beautiful."

"And you think I am?"

He breathes in turning to you. “I’ll be truthful with you, seeing you yesterday, as my replacer, really pissed me off because… you looked like a mindless robot, like someone who'll put up with their crap. It seems like I’m wrong, you're more strong then me. I mean, the fact that you're back after yesterday shows that you have patience.” Jaemin leans his back on the tree. “Being a Dreamer is not just carrying the memories. It’s having wisdom and knowledge of seeing far beyond to protect the interests of the community. And not allow the community to take advantage of you and cause a downfall. I feel like I've sent the community in that path, and I want to rectify it before it's too late. And so far, you’re on the right path but you don’t seem to understand what’s so bad about releasing all this to the public. We’d need to work on that, but otherwise I'm confident that you, once I’m done giving you all the dreamscapes, all the memories that I poses, you’ll be the Official Neorists Elder Dreamer of all the communities and then you can see the corrupt power and change it.”

“And what about you?” You question.

“I want to be released.” He admits. “I can’t keep living in this life, with only dreams and no sense of purpose. I don’t want to be in a box anymore.”

Your ears are sharp in catching the things he’s saying. Yes you thought of him as the enemy, but hearing how he wants to be released it’s… not something you wish- especially if he can also help you to give the communities all these dreamscapes. “You’ve said, so many words that I couldn’t understand… So many words I don’t know, so many things I could hardly process, but in everything you’ve said, you’ve shown me so far a mindset that's trapped.” His head slowly turns to you, looking into your eyes. You look to the side, the people, the area, the sun, the air, life… “Dreamer do they look like they’re trapped? If the world was like this… I want to bring it back. Not be… trapped. I want to wake up and make choices for myself not follow a routine schedule. I want to drive in a car, feel the weather, eat whatever those kids are eating.” You try to think of words to describe this feeling bubbling inside of you… “This dreamscape should be something joyous not burdening, hearing that you want to be released is something my conscious can’t square up. I admit I didn’t like you yesterday, but today I want you to be part of the new world we as dreamers can show to the community. I don’t know anything, but from this little, my whole heart just wants to be free.”

Jaemin is completely awestruck in wonder by everything you’ve just said. You called him weak in 3 different tones.

“So, Dreamer Jaemin, I want to learn, teach me, show me more. Show me the way.” Your iris, Jaemin can see the color of your soul. A burning flame, a little flame that has been lit and will soon turn into a blazing fire- raging against everything in its way. Your unhinged soul that just breaks free and wants more. He can see your heart and eager desire to just break that box. He can see how you look like you’re so ready to get out of this box.

And he has to admit, he's kind of wishing he didn't give up so easily.

-

“Modern Day Terminology Of Slang.” You read out as you sit on the side of your bed. Opening up the cover of your book, you begin to read out in privilege to have all the knowledge of the world. After Jaemin brought you back to reality, he took you back to his headquarter whereby he gave you a book to read. He asked you to be equipped in your language and speech. As you learn new words, you will be able to use them and understand them.

You were ready to learn. You were ready to do whatever it would take, to break free from the ignorance that you were put in.

Your eyebrows knit in confusion when you hear a soft wailing sound. A cry. You tilt your head to the door and see footsteps flicker underneath your door and out of sight. That’s Chenle walking. You get up as well following the sounds of the cry that get louder when you open up your bedroom door.

“Wow, is that a year 1!” Chenle marvels.

“I’m sorry Taeyong, but I tried everything I could.” Getting down the steps you see a nurse holding up a little carriage with a wailing baby inside standing by the door. “But no matter what I do, he keeps crying. Plus you said you’d look after him.”

“Hey there,” Taeyong says softly before running his hand down the baby’s face, and the baby coo’s lightly. “Are all his things inside?”

“Yes.” The nurse hums. “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

“I accept your apology. Thank you.” Taeyong says, as he bids a light smile to his coworker and then shutting the door.

Your eyes glance at the baby. “Is that Jisung?”

“How do you know the child’s name?” Your mother Seulgi looks to you before facing Taeyong. “The poor baby crying on his first year? That’s sad.”

“Unusual too.” Taeyong hums as he brings the hand held cubic carriage to the living room. “Y/n met Jisung the other day at the nursing center. He cried there too.”

“You want to keep this baby?” Seulgi stares into Taeyong’s eyes with worry and concern, and that alarms Taeyong.

“Would you like to issue me a warning? I assure you, that he’s not trouble when he’s quiet. It’s just for a little while. Till the little guy catches up.”

Drawing closer to the baby, as Chenle yaps on about how the baby is cute and how the baby should sleep in his room, your eyes remain on Jisung’s hands. You only see it a little, but it’s enough to tell you that you have the same mark as him. Your eyes widen slightly as you lean in close to him, while your father pats his head.

“If the elders agree, then he can sleep in your room.” Your mother says to Chenle.

“Attention. Please stand by for dinner.” Your eyes drone out the robotic voice announcing dinner time, your full attention on the little baby who’s quiet underneath your father’s touch. You almost don’t need to see his birthmark to know, you can feel it. After everything that Jaemin said today, there is no doubt in your mind, that Jisung too, one day, he’ll be selected to be a Dreamer… until then you have to make sure to keep the dreamscape and it’s memories alive, so that you can transmit it to everyone.

Getting to the dining table, you remove the lid of the tray and begin eating just as everyone does, in silence. A while later, your father begins the conversation by asking everyone about their feelings for the day, asking to go last so that he can share some good news.

“So how was it?” Your mother curiously asks peeking at you after sharing her own feelings. “What feelings can you share with us tonight?”

You finish chewing your vegetables and nod your head. “It was good. I felt happy.”

“That’s a relief.” She smiles, causing you to smile as well. Yesterday night was a rough night for everyone. Tension so high. However tonight, it’s peaceful. With baby Jisung sleeping in his carriage, Chenle eating loudly, your mother Seulgi being back despite not being here in the morning, and your father Taeyong with a good news announcement to make.

“What did you do?” Taeyong asks.

Your eyes instantly recall Jaemin’s smile. He’s got such a striking smile. It’s a shame he doesn’t smile often. It’s a shame he wants to be released. “We just talked.”

“What else?” This time Chenle asks, also in wonder of what his big sister does.

Your eyes snap out of Jaemin’s sad smile as you meekly glance at Chenle with a timid smile. “That’s it.”

“You seem different today.” Seulgi notes.

“How so?” You ask and look at her.

“You’re smiling, and you’re not complaining about your trainer.”

You smile and look to your food again. “Well things changed. He’s not so bad of a guy. Not like the way I painted him out to be.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Your mother Seulgi is peaceful by your statement. After last night and her taking the punishment for you, she wasn’t prepared to go back to that… place of isolation. “That leaves you my husband,” Seulgi smiles softly in the direction of Taeyong. “What is the big news you want to share with us, and how are you feeling?”

“Well,” Taeyong wipes off his hands once he’s done eating and placing his tray in the center. A wide grin grows on his face. “I have been promoted to being the Director of The Givers in the nursing center.”

“Amazing.”

“Wow.”

Everyone on the table cheers on in joy for your father. “Thank you, family. I’ll now be in control of the father givers and birth mothers. My tasks include tracking, reporting and documenting the procedures of the mating process. Submitting report backs to other communities and receiving information for the delivery room.”

“Well done my husband, you are now of high esteem in society.” Your mother proudly acknowledges your father.

“I can’t wait to grow up.” Chenle cheers on. “I want an awesome job like you all.”

After dinner, you get in your room and read on a few more chapter not even noticing that the time has gone past your sleep time. You enjoy reading so much, finding the book so interesting, filled with words you don’t know but yet provide a definition to those words. It’s almost like a dictionary, but this time with words not on the normal dictionary. Hours pass, and you’re surprised when a yawn leaves your mouth. Immediately you glance at the clock seeing it’s way past your bed time. It’s 11 p.m. You shut your book after reading one last passage, before you ‘dive’ on the bed… a slang term you just learnt. Before you can inject yourself to sleep, you find yourself slowly drifting off… by yourself.

And… it feels strange. It’s like you’re spiraling round and round in a trance, just like the one Jaemin does when he’s about to show you a dreamscape. You get surprised, when you find yourself opening up your eyes to a scenery so familiar… the green field. However this time, you’re all alone on it surrounded by large oak trees and flowers of different shapes and sizes and even colors- you especially like the red flowers… roses.

Your body is suddenly awakened when you hear a knock on your door. It’s already morning. Did you just… have a dream?

You’re greeted by your father who gifts you a box. “On the third day of your new work, all 20’s receive this. It’s known as an alarm clock. If you set it up it’ll ring in the morning, and it’ll wake you up. Instead of me always waking you up.”

You smile bringing out your new gift. You try to examine it’s color… but all you get is white and grey. The color is not yet unlocked. You get ready and dress up in white socks and the long sleeved black dress that ends above your knees.

“Jeno!” You greet happily upon leaving your house. “It’s been forever since I last saw you,”

“Precision of language.” Jeno snickers. “Forever hasn’t even yet happened. I think you mean, it’s been 1 day without me.”

“Oh,” The slangs you learnt last night, are rubbing off on you. Feeling embarrassed a little, you shake it off. “Yes.”

“Hey look, we’re almost matching.” Jeno notes to his own polo neck and your dress polo neck. Getting on your bike, you and Jeno both ride alongside each other. He tells you about his first and second day. Of course all the nurses love him and he is carrying out his duties well. “What about you? How has being a dreamer been so far?”

You’re reminded that you can’t share anything about your training, but that doesn’t stop you from telling Jeno little things. “At first I considered my Dreamer trainer to be a bit of a handful,”

Jeno peeks at you, bringing out his hand. “Did you just say h-handful? Precision of language.”

You giggle. “Trust me Jeno, there’s going to be so much precision of language with me.”

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself. So what does it mean?”

“It means he was obnoxious.” You deeply inhale and exhale. “But yesterday, we got on well. I can’t wait to see what we’ll do today.”

“That’s good.” Jeno smiles. “Did you hear about the new serum injection that we’ll start taking?”

“No.” You shake your head. “I’m not allowed to take serum injections anymore, only my sleep injection.”

“Oh.” Jeno looks to you with wide eyes. “Well this serum injection is said to be made by the president himself.”

“Oh. Interesting.” you think to what Jaemin said about those in power. And so when arriving, you’re met with Jaemin eating his breakfast. You make your way in brightly greeting him as you sit on the long couch and read your book. Jaemin puts his tray away before going to dress up. Jaemin must admit, he thought you’d be annoying, but your presence in his house does him some good. He puts on his usual clothes before heading back upstairs. Upon arriving, you ready yourself to learn and receive something new.

“Today, I’m going to touch you a bit differently.” Jaemin says rubbing hands together before stretching them. “You showed a passion for learning yesterday, and I thought about your lessons very thoroughly. I made a timeline of what I’d like to teach you, what you should know and everything else in between. This training will involve a lot of studying from your end. I’ll be giving you a book every week, so try your best to read fast. If the books are bit bigger you’ll get two or three weeks to read. Our lessons will be divided in two. First half will be transferring of memories, and second half will be discussion and theory.” Jaemin gives you a brief of everything you will be doing for the next coming of days, weeks and months.

“I can’t wait,” You eagerly smile nodding your head.

“Alright, so let’s start with today’s lesson.” He claps his hands getting up from his seat. “For this to work, I’ll need your whole body to be attentive to me. Do you think you can do that?”

“How?” You ask.

“Lay your back on the couch, and your head on the armrest. Pretend like you’re lying on your bed.” You nod your head and follow his words. Removing your shoes remaining in your socks, you lean back and lay on the couch. Your head over the armrest and body firmly straight over the couch. You place your arms over your stomach and watch him draw near to your head. Watching his face upside down, he tells you to relax before placing his palms over the sides of your head, giving you a dreamscape.

That’s how the days’ progress.

With you coming in every single day and resting on the couch as he touches you to make you enter the dreamscape. When it’s over, you go back home and read the book he gives. Before repeating the cycle. It’s never a dull moment with Jaemin. With his type of power, every day truly feels brand new. You enjoy so much that at times you prefer to stay longer with him, just to have him touch your hands or even head as he gives you astonishing dreamscapes and memories.

Your mind enjoys spiraling into the dreamscapes, into a whole new world, whereby you’d see things for the first time and tell him what they are. At some point, Jaemin joins in the dreamscapes with you in order to give you a better understanding, and honestly, you slowly but surely like it when he joins in with you. He’s not such a bad person after all. He’s very considerate. The first time you met him, he wasn’t so compliant with you, but now it’s almost like he’s a different person. He allows you to talk to him, ask him questions and to just be… free around him.

“And you're telling me you're not strong enough?”

"I'm not."

You shake your head. "Give yourself some credit, you're a lot better at living life then me. You know what is means to be free." He simply smiles… A smile that you like seeing on his face.

Together with Jaemin, you enter dreamscapes and he dares you to perform the stunts of bungee jumping, swimming in cold waters- he teaches you how to eat different types of food and… live freely in the dreamscape. You see sights and sounds that you have no words to describe. Different countries, continents, cities- places outside of the community.

You look at him. “You should really take your own advice, have faith, believe, live. How better would it be if everyone in the community really were just in authentic commune with one another? Had their own individual thoughts,”

Jaemin tilts his head looking at you. “You really want the community to live like that?”

“Don’t you?” You question.

“Knowing what I know, it’d be hard for the community to ever reach the height of all these feelings.”

Paired together with Jaemin’s teachings, you always want to be captivated by him and everything he knows. Traversing the dreamscape together only made you feel so alive. Various of people, with interesting looks and features, cultures and heritage. People living in various parts of the world, separated by waters so deep and large all around.

With every dreamscape you awaken as if you’re thirsty for more. “What was that? They were two of those children who looked the same,” Your eyes glisten and sparkle as you ask curiously.

“Twins.” Jaemin sits on the headrest, his hands on your head. “Born identical, but each have their own soul. Just like you and me.” He smiles whenever you’re fascinated. You especially like it, when you ask a question that’s so good that he taps your nose. “Good question. Here in the community, they find twins a bit… eerie. So they’ll release it, they release the one that’s not heavy.”

Every day, there’s a new dreamscape, a new wonder to marvel at. You get excited, when he begins working with your ears to hear what the previous world sounded like. Music. “Listen.” He’d say after allowing you to enter a dreamscape whereby all you could hear was sound- singing, melody, lovely words and voices that would bring you to tears. You got lost, the good kind of lost when hearing all these performances.

Concerts, operas, performances, theatricals- sounds so powerful that they captured your heart. Symphonies and lullaby’s, the old and young singing together- even dancing.

Dancing, attending places with you… Holding you close to him. Your heart has never felt this much content before. Was all this really forbidden? You don’t know what to think, what to believe. All this was once reality… how could it all just stay in a dream? “Don’t accept what is the truth, just because it’s coming from someone you respect, you need to think with your own head, your own heart, your own spirit and soul. Set it ablaze and don’t let that fire in you die.”

Other times he’ll sit on the couch and hold your hands, allowing you to feel and touch things you’ve never even known. Weirdly shaped creatures panting and walking on all fours- dogs and cats and some ‘pets’ that he says aren’t even pets such as squirrels, rabbits, and snakes. He gives you the feeling of touching and holding things. Your hands can’t get enough. It’s on days that he holds your hands, and you hold onto his a little bit more tighter wanting to feel every inch… Something in you shifts the moment you stop taking your sleep injections… You begin to dream… Dreaming is the best part of the night, especially when he’s also in your dreams.

Getting to work, at times you’d look at him a little bit longer, a little bit softer when he spoke. In response he’d playfully smile or tap your cheek telling you to focus. “I saw you in my dream again,”

He smiles. “Oh yeah, what was I doing there?”

“I don’t know.” You tilt your head smiling softly.

“You know, sometimes the dreams can reveal to you, your own memories.” After getting lost in your eyes for a bit, he’d slowly bring it back to the lesson. “Memories are not just about the past, they determine our future. You can change things, you can make things better. Like last time we spoke about lady period pains, but now with pills, no lady experiences that.”

“Yeah, but at the cost of losing something else.” You say focusing back on the lesson.

It’s life to the fullest. Not what the community has. It’s life, but it’s complete. Jaemin even shows you things… that make you blush. Couples kissing, making out… Even in your own dreams you get pushed into seeing more. You never hide anything from Jaemin and tell him your dreams… minus the fact that other times he’s the one to kiss you.

“I just don’t understand, what’s so dangerous about a couple of people who admire each other?” You ask.

He nods his head. “The word you’re looking for is love. Let me give you an exercise, ask your parents if they love you, and you’ll hear their response. Hopefully you’ll see why it’s considered forbidden.”

At the table with your parents you’d pop up the things that Jaemin would ask you to do. And of course your heart damages when releasing how badly the community has been brainwashed. “Precision of language dear. You mean, do we enjoy you. Love is meaningless. A word that is meaningless.” It’s what your mother said.

“Why would they remove that?” You enter into the Dream headquarters with your question being a greeting. “Why would they remove love?” You question going down the steps rapidly while telling him what your mother said. “That actually hurt… But after what you showed me, about love being… this… this…” You huff. “Jaemin, wouldn't you be so…so… So happy if someone just told you that they loved you?"

He chuckles a little. "I'd be at a loss of words too."

"So tell me, why did they remove love?” Jaemin’s eating his breakfast, but still addresses.

His response. “Because love is complicated and brings out either the best or worst in people. Love can bring upliftment of emotions, as well as heavy jealousy. Some acts of love bring out the best in people to be the best version of themselves, while other types of love is toxic and only keeps people stagnated and feeling lonely feelings. But, don’t think about that now, let’s just live in the dreamscape. You’ll see everything has it’s ups as well as downs and ways to be solved.” His eyes too, you could feel that he could sense something forming between the both of you. But with the months already spent together you try not to get distracted by your feelings. Your parents are more than happy when seeing you smile. From time to time you meet Jeno… and for a little bit, you’re able to distinguish his feelings and thoughts without him having to say anything.

He likes you. But you can’t reciprocate that because… you think you’ve fallen for someone else. Someone who’s held your hands and made you experience things you’ve never experienced before.

“I touched it… picked it up.” You try to explain what you held. “It was shining every time the sun shined on it. Hard and see through, it’s a…”

“A seashell,” Jaemin helps you out and you agree with the word remaining in your brain forever.

On some days, Jaemin will sit on the edge closer to your feet where he’ll hold your legs- tickling you and even massaging you, but in the manner of showing you a dreamscape concerning legs. Each dreamscape being different and so surreal. People mixing together, walking such long distances, sliding down zip lines, jumping off places with protection, dining in the sky, running and doing all sorts of activities, the list goes on. It never ends. The dreamscape is so infinitely vast that you can’t believe it sometimes.

“Dreamer Na,”

“Why don’t you just call me Jaemin?”

“I call you Dreamer, when I want to persuade you.” You giggle as he furrows his brows. “I’m feeling giddy. I want to see people my age, do things, please show me something,”

Once, Jaemin had showed you what it's like to attend a college party, in allowing you to learn about how reckless the youth were known to have been back in the past. Of course the start of the party was peaceful, with only a few people, you and Jaemin drinking cold drink and dancing together, before it turned a little wild when more people kept pouring in. Cold drink was turned to alcohol, Christmas music was turned to grinding music, dance floors were made, some kissing in the corner, others disappearing in rooms to do 'the deeds' as Jaemin would say.

In the dreamscape he remembers how he had to take you to the bathroom to freshen up - he wanted you to have the college experience, and to say that you did was an understatement, you were literally still a youth so Jaemin understood. But after helping you drink some water, he walked you back out only for you to stop by the top of the staircase…

Maybe that's where his feelings for your evolved. You turned around, your eyes still sparkling from being tipsy. His one hand held your waist supporting you, while his other hand slowly cupped your neck.

"What's wrong? Do you feel like puking?" Concern all over his face trying to make sure you were okay. Because he'd hate to bring you to reality and you couldn't even stand without feeling dizzy and wanting to puke.

Nonetheless, you didn't even mind that. Your mind, body and soul were preoccupied. Your body felt hot. Your mind wanted something… your soul tried to reach his through your eyes. You looked down at his lips before back up into his deep brown eyes, you could only shake your head as you leaned closer, your own hands getting used to the feel of his waist. Your eyes glanced once at the ceiling, hoping he'd get the memo. And he did.

A mistletoe.

A light chuckle came upon his face as he saw the green and red decoration hanging over the ceiling. "What does that mean again?" you had asked feeling your face getting on fire just from seeing his profile. He looked back down at you, leaning close to your ear: "Let's get you back before we accidentally overdose on this memory,"

And then just like that, the dreamscape finished. And like a side effect, in real life you were still tipsy. Jaemin laughed at you but still took you to your dwelling. He advised your parents to just give you water and let you sleep.

“How about today, I show you mother nature,”

“Who’s that?”

He grins. “Give me your hands, she’s really beautiful.” He jokes but shows you signs of wonder, such as; water that glows like fire known as lava, you even see creatures that once existed such as dinosaurs, birds with big wings! Fields of ice, water so cold that it freezes, animals such as polar bears, fish and many more all twirl in the sea. Night skies that are filled with so many dancing colors. Colors! Colors that fill up your every vision in amazement. He takes you up mountains that take days to climb but feel so satisfying when you’re done and at the climb and look out to the view being in awe of the world.

The outside world is huge, and every day is not the same, as Jaemin has you hooked and riling you into a world of pure imagination that was once reality.

After every dreamscape, you sit and talk with him. Mostly you talking in joy and heaps of excitement and him, listening and adding in. “It was water and sand tingling at the soles of my feet,” You smile as you describe to him, exploring new words.

“The beach was always known for that,” He says nodding his head. “Let me show you, a waterfall,”

On regular days, he’s simply giving you the adventurous dreams and asking for a description of what you see. On most days, he’s teaching you of history. “It was believed that they came before us,”

“Monkey’s came before us?”

“You know, when these living things, these animals were around, they were a lot like us. Only difference is that they had fur and spoke in animal way, and they also knew they’re parents.”

Parents. It’s when you also learnt the twisted truth of what father givers and birth mothers actually were. They weren’t people in love, they weren’t even a couple. They’d put medication and sleep with each other, to produce children. You were devastated, you still are surprised. To think that the people you’re living with aren’t even your real parents, but parents that the community has given you in order to not feel like you didn’t have parents- and also for the parents to not lament that they don’t have kids. In order for the community not to be siblings, birthmothers and father givers were changed frequently, so that the crime of ‘incest’ a new word you learnt would not begin. That was only a small little portion of the pain that Jaemin would show you. Once in a while… when he did show pain, you weren’t able to handle it…

“I cannot prepare you for what you’ll see. But I promise you, it isn’t real.” He’d say before holding your hands tighter.

Thieves. Liars. Crimes committed. They started out as little white lies, before it turned bitter- accusing someone falsely and the person going to ‘jail’ for a really long time. Other people who did not have enough, would steal from those that had. Stealing things that were valuable and destroying trust. Jaemin only showed you those little things… but in you… you felt so bad. If the people of the past had enough, or if they only told the truth…

Other times, Jaemin would show you… poachers. Attacking down animals and stealing their skins, horns and meat… “Jaemin I can’t…” You said with tears in your eyes… “The poor animals…”

Jaemin immediately after his few attempts to show you the pain, stating that you weren’t ready. And he slowly eased back into showing you good memories. Although you preffered the good memories better you often wondered how many more of those depressing burdened memories did Jaemin have…

“I saw something, at the foot of the mountain just now.” You sit up and try to explain to Jaemin what you saw… “It was like a place… a dwelling,”

“Home.” Jaemin nods his head taking a seat back on his couch. “It’s different from a dwelling. A dwelling is not a home. A home is more. Its family soaked nuzzled up together and soaking up each other’s awesomeness.” He smiles warmly. “But all jokes aside, a home is a very safe space to be, it’s where you can rest and get away from all your stresses and worries. Most importantly it has a bed. A warm one. In my case, it’s that couch you’re sitting on. I don’t know how to describe it, a home…”

He shows you soft visions of things to calm you down. Camping at night with bonfires, while someone played guitar in the backgrounds. “If the fire wood ran out, would we need to use the guitar?” Other questions, you asked for comic relief, and thank goodness Jaemin would laugh.

He told you that in the next year, he’d begin to show you the pain. Until then, you’d ‘fall in love’ with what he showed you now. He smiles a lot during lessons, especially with stories he’s really interested in. You can’t get enough of him, enough of everything he has shown you. Although you remind yourself of the importance of inheriting the dreamscapes in order to be the next Dreamer…another part of you just wants to be forever with Jaemin.

“Do you still want to be released?” You ask to Jaemin when he walks with you back to your dwelling. “After showing me everything?”

Jaemin sighs out. “Yes.”

“Please don’t.” You shake your head. “Just… stay with me a little longer. Jaemin I can’t do a lot on my own. I still need you to show me a lot.”

He smiles gently looking down at you, he pats your head. “It’s why I’m still here,”

The unlocked colors begin to make an entry into your eyes and after some time, you can actually describe and see Jaemin in color. Plus you notice that the community around is in pastel colors, every house hold has their own color. Your family is a light shade of yellow and white, Jeno’s family is peach and white. Colors all light and almost white, monochrome colors is what Jaemin calls it. From time to time when coming back to the reality after leaving the dreamscape, you get disappointed with how much the Dreamers took away.

The one thing you really enjoyed doing after work, was looking at the sky. Laying on the artificial grass looking up to the sky seeing the clouds swirl around the sun in a pattern, in a design, in color. Your vision is soon cut short when a head pops into your view. You blink several times seeing Jeno. “Hey Jeno,”

“Hey? Don't you mean good afternoon? Have you fallen down?” He questions with amusement. “Do you need immediate assistance?”

You chuckle lightly getting up on your own. “I was just looking at the sky,”

Jeno nods his head and looks up too before his gaze gets back to you again. “Yes, because it’s totally normal to be laying on the grass and looking up to the sky.” Jeno says out sarcastically making himself laugh. “Months ago, I’d say you’ve gone crazy, but now I guess it’s really happening. You’re becoming the dreamer” He breathes out. “You’re seeing things. What’s it like?” He asks. “I know you’re not allowed to share your teachings, but come on, even a little ‘sneak peek’?” Jeno uses the word you once taught him.

“Jeno you should be heading to your dwelling.” You laugh a little.

“I saw you and just wanted to…” He scratches the back of his neck. “See you.”

“Okay,” You nod your head after looking at him for a while with a smile.

“So, are you gonna tell me another sneak peak?”

You breathe in tilting you head. “Give me your hands. I want to try something.”

“My hands?” Jeno questions, but still lifts up his hands nervously placing them over yours. You hold them tightly and closing your eyes as you focus on the sky. “Look up, and tell me what you see?”

“Uhm. Okay.” Jeno looks up and squints his eyes. “Nothing really,”

“Come on,” You urge him with a playful smile. “Concentrate.”

Meanwhile as you try to urge Jeno to see something, in the surveillance room, the workers are shocked at your contact. They write out an issue of warning, before dating it and sending a call to their supervisor. Haechan who’s getting off his drone piloting around the community walks past the surveillance footage room and furrows his eyes when seeing his supervisor watching a camera footage of… you and Jeno. He lingers around for a bit, wondering what would happen in this situation.

So far, with the months of training that he has had, he’s learnt that being a pilot and watching over the community is hard work and pressuring. As his eyes were literally the helping eyes of the President. Him along with everyone working in the surveillance room who would fly little drones around the communities and 'hide' information about the President's law breaking. Haechan clocks out and begins riding his bicycle to the place where the footage captured you and Jeno. And strangely, you and Jeno are seated on the ground. He draws closer to you guys in hopes that the surveillance guys don't call in the president. “Hey,”

You and Jeno peer up and instantly your smiles light up your eyes. “Hey!” You then turn to Jeno. “How come you want me to say ‘good afternoon’, but you let Haechan pass with a ‘hey’?” You jokingly ask, causing Jeno to snicker.

“That is because you’re the dreamer.” Jeno responds.

“It’s been so long since I’ve actually seen you, Y/n” Haechan announces his presence again, getting your eyes to look at him. He smiles when getting closer to you and Jeno. “You look healthy.” Is his way of saying he missed you. “Why haven’t you guys gone to your dwellings? And why are you sitting on the grass?” He asks.

You and Jeno both look to each other before you speak out with a smile. “I convinced Jeno to stay a while before we go back to our dwelling.”

“Yeah, and I’m filling her in on how my work life is going, since she’s not allowed to tell me about hers.” Jeno fills on. Following onto Jaemin’s rules, a lot of the times you simply went ‘home’ from your trainings and you never conversed much with Jeno or Haechan. As they were both scarce sometimes. But really once in a while, you tried to make an effort. “Come join us, and then you can tell Y/n how your training has been.” you par the ground next to you.

“How about I show you," He looks to the ground weirdly before nudging his head.

Following Haechan, you and Jeno are brought to the surveillance tower headquarters. It’s shaped like a dome. “Wow, Haechan.” You look around the high view of almost the entire community, seeing the symmetric and robotic patterns of shape and platforms all being the same. It’s either houses are in squares or rectangles, grass outside is also in either squares or rectangle spaces. It can’t even compare to the things Jaemin has showed you. “This is quite a view, you’ve got here.” You say. One day, you’re hoping that they’ll get to see what you’ve seen.

“You should see me when I’m high up in the sky in my drone,” Haechan shows off in your direction. Having not seen you for a long time, he actually missed your feminine presence between him and Jeno. Your voice and the way you showed interest always made him feel one way. “When I’m flying, looking down on everything, it’s like I’m seeing things for the first time.”

You look to him and nod your head. “I can relate,”

“Really?” He chortles. “Thought you said that you and the Dreamer only sit and talk.”

“We do.” You simply nod your head, not giving him any more information.

“Well in anyway, I’m allowed to fly past the mist, and sometimes even into other communities.” Haechan shows off in a playful tone. “I even get to go to elsewhere and past the edge.”

“The edge,” That peeks your interest. “Really? What’s it like?”

“For one, it’s really dry lands and like… a downslope.” Haechan explains but Jeno scoffs.

“A down slope? Lying isn’t good Haechan.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m telling the truth. It’s like the earth tilts downwards going down a rocky path.”

While Haechan explains it more, Jeno continues to doubt, but you nod your head knowing he’s talking about a mountain. Jaemin mentioned that the communities are up over hills, built on level headed ground that makes everything flat. “So many secrets,” You whisper.

“Secrets?” Haechan leans back over the view and looks at you. “You’re the one with secrets,”

“I really don’t have any,” You tell. It’s not a lie, but it’s also not true. The only secrets are your trainings.

“I guess that means I really am the only one with interesting training,” Haechan jokes. He continues to explain all that he has seen and you want to so desperately let your friends know of the world beyond.

“You said you work closely with the president?” You question.

Haechan nods his head, trying to not let out anything. Aside from you, his rules also allowed him to lie. “He calls on specific units. My unit is in charge patrolling. So I get morning and night duty. On days that I’m on night duty he’ll ask that I make sure that… everyone is inside their dwellings as I help him… distribute things in all communities.” Haechan subtly lies and nods his head as you hum. “So, in three years’ time they’ll chose our partners Jeno. Who do you think you’ll get paired up with?” he tries to change the topic.

The question has you immediately thinking of Jaemin. Next year he’d be a 25 which meant he was permitted to have a wife. You slouch a little, not wanting him to have someone else. After getting to know him for so long, you think you’ve fallen for him. However, in the mist of you thinking about him, you can’t see the eyes that fall on you. Not only from Jeno, but from Haechan too.

Being a 20 with them, meant that you’d also be partnered up in their age group. The only problem, is that this partnering up was not made out of a love connection, but more of a strengths connection. Every partner has to be compatible with each other, and it’s up to the Neorists to decide, not you. It’s how they make ‘parenting’ work out. Being so deep in thought, you quickly snap out and glance at your two friends only to be surprised at the stare down they’re having with each other.

“I hope I get you.” Haechan says to you. “I think we’re very compatible.”

“It’s clear that the Neorists will pick me. We’ve spent a great amount of time together.” Jeno says with a smile. Looking between them, you can’t tell if… a weird feeling of jealousy is being underlined. But to stop it, your eyes land on the piles of trays in the middle.

“Alright boys, we’ll reach that topic when we get to that age. Come on,” You get off the ledge and walk over to the tray. “Take one tray, and I’ll show you something of my training.” In order to distract them from having a heavy stare down.

Jeno takes the tray and so does Haechan, however when you direct them to the staircase. “This isn’t part of my training, but it’s something really cool,” Watching you take the tray, Haechan is reminded yet again of how he saw his supervisors giving you a warning. So watching you walking with the tray on your hands and Jeno following, Haechan only folds his arms watching. “Come on Haechan,”

“These trays are the ones being distributed to your dwellings when it’s dinner time. You can’t play around with them,” Haechan says.

You scoff. “So you’re not interested in my training?”

“No it’s cool. I’ll stick to watching.” And it’s a good thing he does, because you move towards the long flight of staircase that’s located on the side of the dome. On the wide stairs, there’s a moving staircase, and on the center there’s a non-moving staircase. You tell Jeno to follow your move as you sit on the tray gaining a few stares from those climbing the steps. Jeno follows you, slightly laughing finding everything amusing. “Guys you shouldn’t be doing that.”

“Oh come on Haehcan, since when did you become boring?” Jeno playfully questions…

Haechan scoffs. “I happen to like my job and I’m not about to do some stunt to get me punished. So, I’ll see you guys later.”

He walks off, but to you and Jeno you notice that something different is happening to him. “He’s acting weird,” Jeno starts before shrugging his shoulders. “But whatever it is, let’s just continue. So what are we doing now?”

“Alright,” Your smile gets back on your face… even though you sensed something odd. You’d have to tell Jaemin. “On my count, you’re going to lean forward while holding onto the tray. Don’t let go under any circumstances.”

“Uhm, okay.” Jeno is unsure about that but trusts your every move. “Aren’t we going to get hurt though?”

“Nope.” You shake your head positioning yourself to sit nicely on the tray. “1, 2, 3- GO!”

Sucking in a heavy breath- Jeno’s eyes rapidly enlarge as his body leans forwards instantly allowing the tray to throttle down the steps in a quick manner that has him speeding! You giggle and laugh when recreating the feeling of being on the roller-coaster, even a sledge. Jaemin mentioned that roller-coasters were gravity defined for people who loved high speed and wind and wanted a little thriller in their lives. So as Jeno rides the tray he feels so much… sensation overflowing through his body. It feels exactly like the wind bashing on his face. The ride is filled with energetic squeals from you and thrilled laughter from Jeno, it doesn’t even matter to both of you that you’re getting odd looks from the people wither going up or down the steps. The fun soon ends when you see the ground coming-you brace yourself by placing your feet on the edge to land- but just as you stop, Jeno behind you is not to lucky and bumps into you at a rough crashing speed causing you both to fall and laugh out.

You laugh so hard as Jeno is still in so many emotions from surprised to astonishment- you help him up by offering your hand. He looks at it chuckling from the ride, before taking it and you assist him up. “So this is the pain that they were talking about?”

“Not even close.” You shake your head looking into his eyes. You feel to let go of Jeno’s hands… however he gets reluctant in not letting you go just yet.

“That was fun.” He says. “Show me more,”

Not a moment later, Johnny’s holographic figure finally notices Jaemin who enters the Surveillance room.

“Good afternoon, Dreamer Na.” Johnny greets. “We had an issue to go over with you, however you’ve arrived implacably at the right time. Would you care to tell me what’s this?” Jaemin not bothering to greet anyone looks at the footage that they’re showing him and he sees your face together with another guy. You haven’t gone to your dwelling yet. Aside from that, Jaemin notices how you’re both holding hands and laughing. “You say I've been careless but here, a moment ago, she was seen demonstrating odd behavior, by holding onto a person, and sharing her training.”

“Finally. I was beginning to wonder why she hadn’t shown anyone. Don’t worry Johnny. That always happens. But it’s an impossible experience to share training.” Jaemin has a poker dry face as he peeks back to the holographic figure. He shrugs his shoulders. “The kid got curious, let her live. I don’t tell you what to do in your position, so don’t tell me. Can I go now? If this is what you called me for, I think I’m done here.”

“Need I remind you of the previous Dreamer you selected in Community 4? Have you forgotten what happened to him?” Johnny states, while some statics come up of the previous Dreamer and his life before he was released. That has Jaemin frozen in place, his nonchalant face disappearing before a serious face engraves his features. “Should I read them for you? He was supposed to be the next Dreamer, but you got him released and hurt. You not only put a setback on Community 4, but you also became a Dreamer that’s unreliable. Take for instance the last disastrous guidance you gave to overthrow having gadgets. If how you’re training this Dreamer turns out to be the same way you trained the previous one, careless and fast, we might have another failure in our hands. Am I understood, Dreamer Na?”

“That boy, that Dreamer, had a name. So use it.” Jaemin clinches his jaw, because he knows it was his fault, it was the president Johnny.

“Of course, you want to hear his name. The failure of community 4. Mark Lee.” At the mention of the young boy’s name, Jaemin gets serious and his motions stop. How could he ever forget what happened to Mark. His friend.

“Make the announcement.” Johnny squints his eyes at the screen, while you still hold onto both of Jeno’s hands talking about him being able to feel something. Jaemin watches you and listens to how you try to convince Jeno that what you did was normal. He shakes his head and turns around. What was he thinking? Allowing you to take the dreamscape and bring it to this worthless communities was such a waste. He should just die with all the dreamscape memories.

“Attention, please stand by for an announcement.” Jaemin listens to the robotic voice speak. “Members of the community are reminded to not touch anyone outside of their dwelling units. If you’ve touched someone outside of your unit please take your serum injection immediately.”

Immediately you let go of the guy which Jaemin sees to be Jeno. Jaemin stops in his stride for a bit. Before turning back to the holographical figure of President Johnny. “You know what, overthrowing gadgetry wasn’t a disastrous choice, they were one too many disadvantages for having tech gadgets. For one, it stopped crackhead like yourself from peeping in and preying on every fucking conversation that everyone had. But I guess you didn’t even follow my guidance because you let the whole community abandon gadgets and kept all gadgetry for yourself and this fucking sick room, to have full control over everything and everyone. Just to let you know, perverts would insert cameras in public bathrooms to watch people piss. Those perverts did it for their own disgusting amusement, they’d install earpieces in private areas to hear private conversations. What you’re doing now, is no different than the dickheads of the past. I just wonder why you insisted on keeping these fucking cameras and earpieces everywhere. Who’re you trying to spy on? It surely isn't for the good of the community, it's for your own sick desire.”

Jaemin spitting knowledge to the community President has some of the workers who are eavesdropping curious and instantly feeling a feeling of guilt. What is a pervert? They didn’t know the word piss- but in the context used they had a disturbing understanding. In their defense they weren’t ‘peeping’ they were monitoring… because President Johnny had told them to. Meanwhile Jaemin clinches his jaw. “One day, this will all burn in your face.”

However Johnny speaks up. "No. It will burn in your face. Don't force my hand to do what I don't want."

-

After a few more weeks of sharing your dreams with Jaemin and him giving you Dreamscapes, one afternoon, an hour before time goes up, you sigh while taking a seat on the edge of the steps looking at the tree in the lively lit room. “Jaemin,”

“Yes?” He walks back towards you on the staircase with two mugs of coffee. Another thing, aside from the Dreamscape, was Jaemin’s pantry of verities of different foods with all sorts of taste. It’s a miracle that he can cook by himself. He’d show you too. Little dishes. It’s a shame they took cooking away. According to Jaemin, they took it away for one of two reasons. People either couldn’t cook, and others who could would mistakenly burn the kitchen. They took several foods away because of the level of difficulties when cooking them. The cooks in the community are the machines underground. They prepare a pantry of greens. No meat, just vegetables. Taking the mug in your hand, you face him. “I feel so stupid.” You whisper out.

He chuckles as he takes a seat on the step next to you. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, it’s almost been a year, and there’s still so much I don’t know.” You peer into his eyes. He’s got the world’s prettiest eyes with long lashes. “Plus when are you going to take me on those board meetings that you get invited too across other communities?”

He smiles. He places his mug on the step above hin and leans against the wall, his body facing yours. “You want to see how I give community Neorists directions?”

“Yes, I want to see you in action,” You smile. “By the way, this new serum that everyone is taking seems a bit weird.”

“New serum. I’ve been hearing about it.” Jaemin notes. “I’m not the one making it. President Suh has put people to it. Why do you say it’s weird?”

“Well to start off, my parents don’t only take it in the morning, but they take it whenever they’ve committed a mistake or something like that.”

Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow. “That’s strange.”

“It is,” You nod your head. “My friends were acting weird the other day. Almost as if they were jealous. They were speaking about the marriage ceremony but then they made reference that they both wanted me. I thought they were being playful before, but then when looking at them… into their eyes… Jaemin, they looked really selfish and jealous. Like they wanted to claim me for themselves,” Jaemin who was once serious when listening to you, ends up breaking into little chuckles causing you to blush a little feeling self-conscious and to snap out of being serious. “Why are you laughing? Do you think I’m not worthy?”

“Oh no,” Jaemin grins staring into your eyes. “You’re so worthy of appreciation. You’re thoughtful, curious, so quick witted and sharp, you’re just… someone that’s outside of the box.” Jaemin breathes in deeply looking into your eyes. He also wants to add how you’re whole-hearted, earnest, having amazing hands… lips… body… but he catches himself as his eyes stop checking you out. “If you ask me, they’re the ones unworthy of you.”

“Really?” His light statement has you giggling. “Or are you just saying that to flatter me?” You get up and go down the steps.

“Not at all, if you want me to flatter you, just ask." Jaemin too gets up and follows behind you. Whispering in your ear, "Ask me to do anything, and I’ll gladly do it if it means flattering you.”

“You would?” You bite your lips, a cute smile brushing on your lips. “You know, I actually want to… I want…” you turn around looking at him.

“You want what?” he stops walking too.

“I want to… know you more. Is that strange to say?” You inhale and exhale deeply looking into his eyes but he shakes his head. “Next year you said you’ll show me the pain that the dreamers hold. But, I was thinking about you. Won’t it be hard on you showing me pain when you have to look for a partner?”

“Partner?” Jaemin hears the misdirection of your question. “Where’s that coming from?”

“Like I said, my friends recently brought that to my attention.” You grin nervously “But, I was just thinking about it, about your partner,”

Jaemin tilts his head to the side loving how jealous you look. It makes him laugh inwardly. “Why were you thinking of my partner?” Luckily he could choose who he wanted… But he wanted to be released. There was no one he was interested in… but that's until you came around. At that, he thinks of your friends, especially Jeno. Already some elders had began pulling names together, and yours was with Jeno. He agreed with them that it would be a good choice, but somewhere deep in him, he didn’t want you to be with Jeno. He shakes his head chuckling lightly to get rid of the thoughts. “Here, put your mug down and let’s do an exercise. Just to get your mind out of these partners. Give me your hand,”

You do as he says and put your mug down and let your hand move towards him. Instead of showing you something, he… intertwines your fingers with his in a weird way. His eyes search into yours and you can only look back at him with a smile. “What is it?”

“What do you feel right now?”

“Warmth,” You say and he nods his head spreading your your arms up and slowly leaving your hands while his slide down your figure. Your hands in the air come down over his biceps smiling.

“How about now?” There seems to be a manifestation of emotions that are heavy, thick and almost tangible.

"I can feel my heart racing," you answer. "In a good way,"

"And now?" The way Jaemin let's your waist go and smoothly gets a hold of your hands intertwining your fingers, playing with them in a smooth way before spinning you around like some sort of dance. Turning you around one last time before your back lands on his front, with his hands still spreading yours wide horizontally and playing with your fingers. You lay your head on his chest closing your eyes, hearing him whisper. "How do you feel… when looking at me?"

If it were not for the fact that he's your trainer you would have easily said what you felt, but upon opening your eyes and seeing his gaze sink into yours, you remember that this isn't a dreamscape, he's your trainer. You whisper out. "Remember that Christmas Party you showed me, I believe some months ago?" You ask lacing your fingers deeply in his, watching as they untangle before tangle back into each other. Feeling the warmth of Jaemin on your back and his arms spread out with yours has your mind racing. You’re tempted to bring his fingers to your lips, as your eyes hesitate over his lips before drawing back to his clear eyes, while you recall the dreamscape.

"Oh yes, where you got drunk?" of course, he'd remember that. He teases playfully. You drank just one and a half cups of the bitter whiskey drink before Jaemin was your guide as you turned face and joined the madness around. You danced dances you've never known, you joined in on a crowd surfing and you swear- you never wanted to wake up from this dreamscape. All the while Jaemin laughed leaning on the wall, loving you enjoy yourself. Yes, loving. But you didn't know that.

And now as he brings your arms down turning you around again, you hold onto his hands and walk backwards and until you reach the couch, his heart beating a thousand times faster, he can't help the feelings erupting all over his stomach. Maybe it's because you're also a dreamer, maybe it's why he feels this attraction to you. He's felt like this before- but only in the dreamscape, when he'd reply in his mind of himself a wet dream. But those weren’t even real. Yet right now, here with you, looking into your eyes, feeling your hands, Jaemin recognizes the feelings easily.

In the present time now, with Jaemin, that ecstatic feeling builds up in the pits of your stomach. Nothing has changed, you still want to feel his body so close to you, in the closest way possible. You don't know how he was able to keep a composed face, but right now more than anything you want him to just show… you something. Something he's feeling.

"Yes, where I got drunk."

Jaemin smiles. "Your parents were so worried,"

"Jaemin," You lightly giggle drawing closer by shifting in your seat towards him.

He snickers a little. "I remember that dreamscape."

You nod your head. "You asked me what I feel when I look at you. well right now, I feel like that, back in that dreamscape."

Jaemin can hear his heart beating a little louder. "What did you feel back then?"

Now your heart is pounding in your chest, your toes curl, hands getting hot. 'I… want you… to kiss me like there's a mistletoe in the room.' Is what your mind wants to scream out, but instead you only look at him and suck in your lips. "Happy…" You meekly respond.

Jaemin nods his head peering into your own eyes. "Can I show you what I feel?"

"Yes, please," You breathe you. Jaemin untangles your hand from his, just as he removes his leather jacket only remaining in his black shirt.

He pats his lap smiling. "Well, come and sit,"

You chuckle a little getting up from the couch. Spreading your legs over him and sliding down with both your hands on his shoulder has your beating faster. Your eyes widen when he slides his hands down your sides. Your hands seemingly know where to go around his neck. "If you're uncomfortable in anyway-"

"I like this position," you assure, your eyes over his lips.

"But still, let me know," He whispers, voice barely audible even to your ears. Your breath hitches hearing him chuckle lowly. Without a second thought, Jaemin's hands manage themselves over your thighs which are slightly exposed from the buttoned down dress you're wearing. Your breath hitches, but you don't dare pull away from him. Ever so slowly both your eyes are on his lips, anticipating what he's going to do next. And you do not expect it.

Jaemin pulls you forward, bringing you closer until you're basically sitting on his manhood. "This okay?" He asks softly, a smile playing across his lips. You nod, eyes widening even more. A blush forms on your cheeks, which causes Jaemin to smirk. "Follow my lips," his eyes darken in something you can't really give a name to other then pleasure. He brings his hands above your waist and leans forward capturing your neck in a soft kiss and lick. You moan softly, your body instinctively getting closer to him, your thighs spreading over him. He kisses up your neck, your jaws and then finally your lips.

He moans by the taste of coffee on your lips. Deepening the kiss, both of you tangling your tongues. The heat rising in your body. This isn't just any kiss, it's full of emotions you've yet to name. You're so lost in this kiss, your first kiss, that you don't even notice Jaemin slowly lowering his body side ways until he's laying flat on the couch. You're straddling him now and don't know what to do.

"I want you," You whisper in the kiss. "I want to feel you, but I don't know what to do. Show me,"

Jaemin moves his hands to the hem of your dress, slowly lifting it up, causing goosebumps to spread over your skin as he spreads your thighs some more. "I'll guide you." His words are soft, yet somehow they send chills through your entire body. Both of you lean in, deepening the kisses and moving against each other, feeling each other's touch, you move your hands under his shirt in the same manner his hands tingle over your thighs, grazing along his smooth and toned abdomen. Your fingertips brush against the skin of his torso, making his breath hitch, your heart beats fast as you continue to explore, your hands going higher.

Slowly he lifts his body up and switches positions, now with you on your back and him above you. "It's okay. Just follow my lead." You nod your head, eyes glued on the man above you. Slowly he lowers his body, pressing his lips against yours again. His hand palms your waist while the other one slides in your thigh gently brushing over your core.

You shudder in the kiss and hold onto Jaemin's biceps. He continues gently passing your core and you've never known just how good your entire body could feel. All of a sudden his hand slides away and then goes up and palms your boob so softly. "Feels good doesn't it?" He says in between the kiss, watching you in ecstacy. Leaving your lips, his lips go down to your neck while the hand that was on your waist has now taken the position inside your thigh.

Running his middle finger over the material of your underneath pressing on your bulb bump has you arching your back. "Jaemin,"

Jaemin smiles before sliding his hand out and stopping the motion of pawing your boob. You gasp out looking at him in awe.

"Is that how you feel?" You question lowly in pure need of wanting him more.

Jaemin chuckles before sitting up and bringing you up as well. He brushed his hand past your hair making it go down. "It's the actions of it, but yes. It's known as making love."

"Making love?" You smile. "What does that mean?"

"That this is sacred. Something done by two people who love each and are sure." Jaemin nods his head. "More than anything, for a really long time, I've been sure about you." Jaemin admits causing your cheeks to feel hot. "I just don't want to… rush anything. I want to really let these emotions enjoy themselves. How about you?"

You nod your head touching your lips and biting it… You want to say the forbidden words but you simply smile. "I want that too. I just hope you don't give up. Not on yourself, and not on me. And not our community. Does this mean… You'll stay?"

"I'm still here because of you," he leans into you slowly, his eyes looking over your lips. His hand comes up to your cheek and he holds it in place, before diving in for another kiss with you.

And you swear upon getting home it's all you can think about. His lips.

When eating, sharing feelings, your face gets red but your family can't see it. They can only see how ecstatic you are. “Oh, before I forget. Jeno said the President designed a medication for you.”

“For me?” You tilt your head looking at the cylinder capsule with blood red liquid content inside.

“Yes, he said you should take it before you fall asleep.” Taeyong states, recalling how Jeno walked up to him with the note and serum.

Without taking your sleep injection but drinking on the new medication, you expect to dream about what you and Jaemin did.

However, something is wrong. The dream… starts off in the dark. You’re walking on a road alone… You turn your head left and right, wondering what’s happening. Yet, you get this urge to run. A sick feeling building up in your stomach. You turn your head when seeing someone walk behind you. You walk faster, not knowing why you feel on edge and uneasy.

Walking turns to speed walking. Speed walking turns to you breathing heavily. Thankfully you make it to a crowded area. People are walking all around- but your ears are blurred out from hearing the jizz around, as you can only hear how hard you’re breathing. You turn your head, and the masked hooded guy is still following you. Speeding walking turns to running- and just as you bolt the guy is heavy on his feet chasing you down. You’re panting and trying to run fast only for him to run faster- your poor legs don’t do much when he has you! Covering your mouth holding your body tight to his- you feel so much discomfort as he pushes you against the wall, tossing you into a darker alley.

“No, stop!” You try to break free- frantically trying to get him off of you. “S-stop!” Tears blur your eyes, but the masked man is strong and pins you against the wall, one hand holding onto your wrist tightly- the other hand… “Stop!”

“Shut up.”

“N-no-” You shake your hands but he’s so strong. His other hand continuing to pull down your pants. Rapidly when he lets your hands go to undo his belt- you swing your fist backwards hitting him. He grunts as you struggle to run with your pants open. You try to pull them back up- but that has the guy jumping to you and weighing you down on the ground. You try hitting him with all your might- grabbing his clothes and fighting him- you end up pulling off his mask-

A glimpse of his face has you frozen. President Johnny?Using your frozen state, he ends up forcefully removing your shirt and in an instant his face changes and morphs into… Jaemin that’s when you snap back. “Jaemin stop please! I don’t like this!” Your trembling voice yells out, but he doesn’t listen.

You hear the belt unfasten. You see something and your rigid state doesn’t stop squirming as you beg 'Jaemin' to let you go. But he doesn’t.

The dream seems to go on forever. The whole house in deep silence as you scream out. No one budging awake because of the heavy serum injection. However Haechan, on night shift duty, in the surveillance room quickly taps on a button entering the robot poll in your room.

"President Suh. Someone is coming." Haechan lies. Meanwhile the president over your body grunts. He was just about to get to the best part.

"Who?" Not hearing an answer, President Suh leaves gets up from your bed leaving you alone and then leaves your house.

Haechan in the surveillance room gulps when watching you calm down. However in the dream world you're spared from anything bad happening, you get up and begin running again when 'Jaemin' suddenly disappears. But it only gets worse from there.

-

3 days. 3 days since you last came to work. Jaemin bites his lip as he stands outside your dwelling. Wondering if you’ve been avoiding work because of the last time he saw you… that kiss probably scared you off. Jaemin thought giving you time, would allow you to cool off. But 3 days? No. Something was not right. You wouldn’t miss out on 1 day of work- so why 3. He needed to know what was wrong. That’s why he’s standing outside your dwelling in the afternoon, knowing very well that your guardians will be home, knocking on the door twice.

Of course they’re confused upon opening up the door. As no such thing as ‘visiting’ was permitted or even the fact that nobody was allowed to even step foot into another persons dwelling, unless you’re the president. 6p.m. that was dinner time, however when Taeyong opens the door, and comes face to face with the blackly dressed Dreamer- his eyes enlarge. “Dreamer Good afternoon. Please come in.” He greets, almost relieved. “She hasn’t been able to handle the pain well. We were hoping you’d come sooner.”

Pain? Jaemin can only nod once in greeting. “I see. Is she able to come to the door?”

This time Jaemin’s eyes go over to a female figure. “She hasn’t left her room in 3 days. We’ve tried several times to get her to come out, but to no avail, she refuses to speak to us or even come out.”

This time Jaemin’s head is in a huge muddle. Surely the kiss couldn’t have caused you to freak out like this. There’s something else. “May I see her?”

Taeyong and Seulgi look to each other, “We’d have to ask the president because he said she should-”

“Was he here?”

“No. But he's been aware of her condition.” Seulgi immediately shakes her head before she’s the one to lead you inside while Taeyong closes the door following after the pair that go up the stairs. “This is her room.”

“Can you leave us alone?”

“Certainly.” Seulgi answers hesitantly and uncertainly. She moves back a couple of steps being intimidated by Jaemin’s cold stare. She finds herself walking towards the staircase, stopping Taeyong in his stride up and telling him to retreat. “He’s come to help her.”

However Jaemin contemplates on the things to say in his head. He tries to think of possible reasons why you’re unresponsive both to him and your parents for 3 good days. This is bigger than the kiss, something else is troubling you, especially if the President knew about it. So before he knocks he thinks of some really good dreamscapes to show you to try and cheer you up… then again, maybe you don’t resonate with his feelings that’s why you haven’t been coming.

Knock. Knock.

Silence.

Knock. Knock. “It’s me,”

The voice alone has you springing your body upwards looking to the door. Tears mount your eyes hearing your dreamers voice. A part of you wants to leap to the door and push him outside and never agree to be a dreamer again. The other part of you hopes that he can take the pain away. Because ever since that first terrifying dream, for every time you’d fall asleep- only ‘bad’ dreams would come to your mind. In one dream you were beaten so badly that when waking up you still felt sore all over. But the worst and most terrifying was almost being raped . All these dreams, happened and were inflicted to you by Jaemin… Or the president. Your mind is too muffled up to even think straight. But to think that you saw Jaemin inflicting those acts… His eyes, his hands, his body, him. You saw him.p So, no. You don’t want to see him.

“Can I come in?”

“No.” You get up carefully from your bed, noticing how badly you’re trembling. You walk to the door and quiver shaking your head. “Dreamer. I don’t think I want to be a dreamer anymore.” You say quietly while fighting the tears trying to come out.

“What do you mean?” Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow. “Can I see your face Y/n? Please. You’re scaring me.” Hoping that you’re trembling tone is just an act. The last time he heard someone tremble was the Neorist elder in charge of nurturing. Before she found out that she was pregnant, she came to Jaemin to draw up a complaint against the President. Saying that he gave her a serum and did something to her. He doesn’t like how he can hear your voice so unstable and sounding like hers. “Can I come in, please.”

You say nothing, deciding to shake your head and go back to your bed. You sink in the bed and cover your head, trying to get the terrible memories to leave your head. Jaemin stays outside of your room for a really long time, wondering why your upset. “Is this because I kissed you?”

“Dreamer please go away,”

And why do you keep calling him ‘Dreamer’? You only called him that when you wanted to persuade him. But now… hearing how you call him that, he hears distaste in your voice and even… fear. What did he do? “Y/n. Please tell me what happened?”

Silence.

The silence is so loud and it irritates Jaemin that he can’t see your face and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. His mind was breaking out wondering what the hell was going on. “If it’s not the kiss, then what is it? Why don’t you want to be a dreamer anymore? Did I…” Jaemin halts a bit… a quick thought passing in his head. “Was it a dream you had? Did us kissing give you a strange dream? Did the President give you something weird?” This time the silence that follows is actually filled with you crying again and Jaemin nods his head. It's either you had a bad dream or the president gave you something. “Can we talk about it?”

“No.” You say.

Jaemin waits outside your door hoping that you can open it up. So he leans his head on the door, softly he speaks. “I don’t know what’ going on. Or what dream you had… but I promise you, it’s all in your head. It’s not real.” He bites his lip. “It may look and feel real, but it's not. I’ve had… I still get a lot of painful dreams. If you got one, and if that’s the reason you’ve stayed away, then I understand. Take as much time as you need. I understand. Although, if you want to talk about it, you can come to me. Alright… I'll be going.” He looks to your door again. A soft yellow. That must be the color of your entire dwelling. He moves away from the door going towards the steps seeing the family down below having diner.

“Bad dreams…” He doesn’t hear the creak to your door opening, but he hears your voice, even thought you’re whispering. He instantly turns back holding onto the stair rail. His heart sinks getting a look at your bloodshot red eyes and frightful facial features. Your hair tied back but still having so many stand outs that are frizzled. “They’re called nightmares.” You can’t even look at him. Your eyes are on the floor and on the wall. “Right?”

Jaemin nods his head, being careful. What did you dream that has you so shaken up? “Right.”

You hold yourself, keeping your eyes on the floor.

“The nightmares aren’t real.” He says, watching you gulp. Your tears getting to your eyes again. “Would you like to show me what you dreamt?”

You freeze a little and shrug your shoulders avoiding his eyes. “How would I do that?” It hurts Jaemin just hearing you speak.

“The same way I do to show you the dreamscapes.” He doesn’t approach you, just in case you’re still reluctant, but he does turn towards you. “My hands, my head, my feet. Whatever you want to show me just-” His attention is snapped elsewhere when hearing… a cry. A rueful, almost awakened cry… but not from you. Which is puzzling. But a baby. He’s about to ask, but hearing footsteps marching up the stairs, Taeyong, Jaemin moves aside as Taeyong hesitantly does an awkward smile. However it completely drops when seeing your state…

Gathering the courage to look up and see your fathers face, has you storming back into your room and shutting the door hard. It makes Chenle and Seulgi downstairs jolt a little, but for Jaemin and Taeyong, they both just feel gloomy. Taeyong clears his throat, carrying on the walk to another room. Jaemin picks up the courage to walk to your room door again. He knocks on it slowly- trying to not startle you.

“Do you still want to show me?” He quietly asks. Standing behind your door, you deeply breathe in and move aside. You pull the door open but only by a crack… looking up gently into Jaemin’s eyes, you recall the nonchalant look in his features as he pulled on your clothes in the dream “What is it? What did you dream?” He asks quietly. “You’re scaring me.” He whispers, his eyes carrying so much baggage of troubles. “Some days ago we were talking and kissing… and now seeing you crying is painful for me. I don’t like seeing you like this, please. Please tell me what’s wrong,”

You move aside opening the door wider. Jaemin exhales carefully and walks into the room. Your father, already having calmed Jisung down watches Jaemin enter the room before it shuts. He takes the news back downstairs, the reminder of your tears still being fresh in his mind. “She let him in her room.”

Jaemin gets accustomed to your plain room. Study table and chair, bed, mirror and a small wardrobe. Nothing much. He sees the books that he gave you on the bed. You take a seat on the chair turning it around and moving it towards you on the bed. He sits some feet opposite you. You’re looking at your hands that’s tightly clamped together. Your knees are pressed shut. Seeing his knees, you begin shuddering again. ‘It’s wasn’t real.’ You remind yourself. In the dream, his knees… kept kneeing rubbing on your… you shake your head sucking in a sharp breath when seeing his hands come in view.

Jaemin calmly stretches out his hands towards you. “Just take my hands… and picture what is it that you dreamt.”

“P-picture it?” You inhale instantly peering into his eyes getting scared. “You want me to… picture it? Re-live it?” You shake your head rapidly. “No.” The tear drops from your eyes and you get up backing away from him. “No way.” You move to the window.

That gets Jaemin anxious. It must’ve been really bad. He waits for you to regain your composure, as you’re breathing in and out, almost hyperventilating. “Okay, just calm down.” He gets up trying to cool you down, helping you breath as you do some breathing exercises. “I’ll go get some water for you, is that cool?”

You nod your head. Jaemin quickly gets out going downstairs seeing the family still around the table eating. Chenle’s curious eyes glaze over every inch of the dreamer in black- staring profusely being in wonder if he fixed his sister. “Is she alright?” Chenle asks before Seulgi or Taeyong can reprimand him.

Jaemin hums out. “Your sister is quite frightened right now. But she’ll be fine. May I get some water?”

“Yes of course,” Taeyong gets up and heads into the kitchen-

“Tap water, if you don’t mind.” Jaemin says getting Taeyong’s attention, who furrows his brows. Community bottled water is the best water. “I don’t trust bottled water.” Jaemin declares.

“But… there’s no other place to put the water?” Taeyong enquires confused, causing Jaemin to recall how they community doesn’t have any mugs, cups or any utensils… Just bottles.

“Shit.” He whispers. “Um, you know what, just empty out the bottle and then put in the tap water.”

Taeyong turns to Seulgi who equally looks baffled, but nods her head. Meanwhile Chenle’s eyes enlarge. “Why don’t you like the bottled water?”

“Chenle eat your food stop talking.” Seulgi warns.

Jaemin still answers. “There's nothing wrong with bottled water. I just don't trust it. Actually, I have a question about the crying baby upstairs. You already have two kids, isn’t it against the law to have a third?”

“Oh, we got clearance for the child. My husband works in the Nurturing Centre and this child didn’t qualify to be a one. The nurses spoke to the Neorist Elder In Nurturing in charge of nursing and she said it was alright for my husband to bring the baby to our dwelling.” She gives off a significant amount of information. Crying baby. That would be the next dreamer. Taking the water from Taeyong who arrives, Jaemin looks back to the family. “I’ll let myself out when I’m done with your daughter. Will that be okay?”

Taeyong and Seulgi nod their heads. Hopefully he could get you to speak up, is what they’re thinking, as Jaemin heads back to your room. They take Chenle to go and inject himself to sleep, they do a checkup on Jisung before heading to the living room to pass time until the accustomed bed time.

“What do you think he’s doing with her?” Taeyong asks, worried, yet also protectively. It’s the first time that someone has actually came to their home, what’s worse, has trapped themselves alone in the room with you. It was only right to feel anxious. You look much more eased, except this time you’re seated on the floor still doing breathing techniques.

He takes a seat right in front of you at a respectable distance. “Drink this,”

Your eyes open up. Your shift back and take the bottle in your hands drinking it.

After a whole minute goes by. You look at Jaemin, inhaling and exhaling. You stick out your hands and Jaemin holds onto them carefully. His body stiffens when actually feeling your entire body tremor just from the contact of skin. “Are you ready?”

You shake your head and blink your tears away. “It’s not real. It’s just all in my head. So… I’ll… trust you- I’ll try.” You gasp out, the pool by your eyes causing Jaemin to hold your hands tightly. You close your eyes concealing the tears. Jaemin too closes his eyes, anticipating anxiously what your dream was…

And damn does he feel anger. He sees you walking at night. You keep looking over your shoulder at him… him being the body he’s possessing in your dream. Whoever this person is. He’s making you uncomfortable. He allows for the movement to carry him, wondering what’s going on. However, as the dream continues with him rapidly following your timid scared self, it escalates into him running after your slow self. He has a bad feeling and knows where the dream is heading. His conscious jumps out of the body wanting to see what you saw- he takes on a ghostly form to view in a third perspective- yet his eyes enlarge as the body Jaemin was possessing gets you in a fierce headlock before dashing and squirming with you to a dark alley. Jaemin watches you struggle- begging the person to stop.

Something about all this is strange… it resembled a dreamscape, but it was a nightmare. He can’t dwell on it longer when you strike up a punch to the man does his hood fall back. He’s surprised to see the face… of the President… before it morphs to HIS OWN FACE! His face as the man who’s now taking advantage of you. He pulls on your clothes- and Jaemin shakes his head instantly jumping back into the body and altering the dream-

He stops himself- taking possession of the dreamscape as his own. He manages to gain control of the narrative- yet…

You’re still stick in shock and trying to get away as you get on your feet and begin running- your mind getting scrambled with the way the dream is going. You try to take control of the dream again as the scene wants to manifest itself- but Jaemin does something that has you breathing out rapidly.

He pauses your dream by snapping his fingers and instantly the dream fades into a black void with your feet being frozen in a run. You notice the darkness all over, except for the floors which turns a misty white. “Don’t worry Y/n, it’s me. It’s me Jaemin.”

“No- no.” However, you’re still stuck in the trance of wanting to show Jaemin the dream- that it’s actually hard to come out of yourself.

Slowly the world Jaemin tries to creates crumbles apart- as you’re back in the alley way running away from the rapist on the floor. Jaemin runs after you- trying to get you to stop. Shit. You aren’t prepared in building dreamscapes yet. Your conscious is colliding with your unconscious. Jaemin can tell that- because as you’re running a duplicate of him runs past him- chasing on you rapidly. He’s shocked out of his mind as a duplicate of him runs so quick and still catches you thrusting you to the corner unveiling your clothes. You begin screaming- and that has Jaemin enraged. He pounces on the duplicate of him punching him in the face- the duplicate falls down but gets up with no injury ignoring him and trying to get your pants off-

This isn’t good. Jaemin tries to wake you up. Your dreamscape is getting chaotic! Another duplicate of him comes out and drags him- he tries to fight it- but that only has another duplicate of himself coming to hold him down as others emerge and run to you on the ground pulling on your clothes- he can hear you screaming and he tries- so hard to try and control the dreamscape- but he’s failing- which is unreal because he can’t fail. Despite you being weak- it seems like this dream is run by an unconscious side of you.

It's when he opens up his eyes in the real world, do his ears pop when hearing you screaming non-stop! “Y/n!” He yells out your name. “Shit!” He lets go of your hands shaking you vigorously and roughly trying to wake you up from the powerful dreamscape landscape you’ve created. He’s so deep in trying to shake you up that he doesn’t notice when Taeyong and Seulgi stand shocked by the door hearing you scream.

Jaemin gets the bottle of water tossing it on your face- but you continue screaming. “Wake up!” Jaemin yells out seeing as you’re now shaking your head- living the nightmare in reality. You begin fighting him but he’s got such a tight grip on you that he doesn’t allow you to hit his face as he grabs your arms. “Wake up!” You’re quick to kick him- your conscious feeling all these hands- all of Jaemins duplicates and their hands on you. “It’s not real!” He keeps yelling out but then you kick him as you get up on your feet.

Your mother and father run inside your room trying to assist Jaemin in catching you- but you’re so strong that you literally punch your mother’s face and kick your father- still screaming and hyperventilating. To think that it was past 8 p.m. but they were still awake in hopes to ask Jaemin questions after he was done. And if they were caught they would easily explain that the dreamer was in there dwelling. So they watched the street lamps turn off, they watched their own house lights turn off and for the first time, they held each other’s hands in some sort of… consoling way. Everything was silent. That’s until they heard you screaming- they ran up the steps and plunged into your room- but the scene of your erratic behavior shocked and almost paralyzed them on the spot. It’s not when Jaemin splashed you with water- did they unfreeze and move.

But now Taeyong attends to Seulgi who cowers back and watches you in horror losing your mind while holding onto her cheek that was painful. Jaemin manhandles you with so much force before pinning you on the bed and digging into his pocket for something to keep you still! You’re not prepared for the magnitude of the shock that jolts all of your molecules shocking you – electricity going up all over your body.

Jaemin pants out when seeing you pass out from being tazzered down.

“What happened?” Seulgi asks.

“Did you just release our daughter?” Taeyong asks out horrified.

Jaemin looks back to your parents on the ground before cursing out. “Fuck.” He breathes out and stands up placing the tazzer back in his jacket. The only time he used this was to wake himself up from nightmares. “Right now. Go and sleep. Before I-”

“Please stand by for an announcement.” Jaemin snaps his head to the little injection monitor in your room, however it speaks out. "Good night Mr Taeyong, good night Mrs Seulgi.” This time some gas sprays out of the monitor and by an instant when Taeyong and Seulgi sniff it, they collapse in sleep straight on the floor. “Dreamer Jaemin, you have to run- the President is on his way to this dwelling. You need to hide Y/n from him.”

Jaemin notices that the announcement isn’t coming from everywhere, just in your room in a hushed robotic voice. Clearly something fishy is happening. He carries you on his back cursing out when he goes out the door and sees a black vehicle. Great. “Just my fucking luck.” He shakes his head when seeing the backseat open. Despite the cars being removed in all communities… this mysterious black car belonged to only one person. It was kept away from any preying eyes and would only drive at night.

President Johnny.

Getting in the car, Jaemin’s not surprised when he sees Johnny holding onto the wheel. That means whoever made the announcement was trying to protect you. “I would ask you why you're here, but I've got a better idea. Be a gentleman and close the door.”

Jaemin secures you in hug as he places your head on his chest, before closing the door. As they leave, they don’t hear the wailing cry of the baby Jisung.

-

Community 1. This is the place they took your mother. The community specialized in punishing peopling. Jail, as others called it.

Jaemin and your unconscious body are strapped on chairs opposite each other in a white wide circular room. It’s large. There is nothing in the room. Just pure white. Contrasting to Jaemin’s black attire. You’re in your white pajama pants and shirt sitting opposite from Jaemin. Jaemin can only stare at you, wondering what will happen here. Would this be how they'd punish you both?

The doors open and in walks Johnny. Jaemin’s jaw clinches as his tongue circles his mouth, only glaring at Johnny. “Welcome to the punishment internment zone.” Johnny walks towards you. Pulling your hair back adjusts your head upright. “That tazzer surely is strong. She needs to be awake for her punishment.”

“What did you do to her?”

“I tried scaring her into running away from being a Dreamer. I wonder why you want to give up being a Dreamer, if it's because of me then I promise I'll stop having pleasure.” Johnny speaks.

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “That's what you're saying but after seeing her dream, I believe you've done something far worse. Involving those serums."

Johnny smirks. "You've got no proof. It was her friend that gave her the medication for the pain to relieve her from the pain she’s endured. It was her decision to drink it.”

“Pain medication? What bull are you talking- you let others do your dirty work and in the end feign ignorance. That's criminal.” Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow when releasing something. His eyes enlarge. Paid medication? As in the same one they gave Mark-

“Truth be told. I don’t think she’s cut out to be a Dreamer. You're the best one we have. You allow us to do what we want.” He mentions, massaging your unconscious shoulders. “The same way I didn’t think Mark was suited to be one because he always targetted to get me out of power.”

Jaemin grates his teeth.

Just in time, you grunt and move in your seat pinching your eyes closed tightly before they flatter open. Your eyes coming to full of distress when the scenery of your house has changed- Jaemin’s in hand cuffs but so are you.

“Oh rise and shine. Welcome back.” Johnny greets cheerfully.

“Jaemin…” You whisper slowly trembling upon recalling the last memory you had… you saw him… him and several clones. He tried fighting them off trying… to protect you… help you but… they were overpowering. But seeing him now being cuffed to the chair you turn to the side. Your face is laced with surprise when seeing the President.

“Thank you for being obedient in drinking the medication that Jeno gave you.” Johnny pulls out a syringe with a blood red liquid. Jaemin watches with wide eyes as Johnny injects walks towards him. Jaemin is defenseless and tries to duck himself but Johnny is quick in sticking the needle violently on his neck. No sooner than later, your eyes watch in shock at the way Jaemin’s eyes frizzle and become dizzy… instead of looking like he’s alive… he looks out of it. Emotionless in a way he’s never looked before. “Unfortunately, Dreamer Y/n. Your course ends here. Thank you for your time in the communities.” Johnny nods his head pretending to sympathize. “Oh yes I forget to tell him.” He looks to Jaemin’s drugged out face. “Her punishment will be pleasure. Done by you. You called it non-consenting rape, I believe. Well, you're the one with the dreamscapes. Show me how it's done. That way you and I will become two peas in a pod.”

"Jaemin." You call onto Jaemin’s name, but he barely even blinks looking dull and empty.

You just woke up. You don’t know what the hell is going on. But judging from what Johnny is saying, all you can think about is that ‘medication’ you drank… you believe it’s what gave you that nightmare… and seeing as it’s the same injection that Johnny used to place in Jaemin’s neck, your heart begins beating fast.

Johnny leaving the room wishes you luck. The doors close behind him, however once they close the door, the cuffs on Jaemin’s hands and yours are undone.

Not even a quick second passes but you’re thrown off your chair by a heavy backhand slap from him. “No. Jaemin please stop it-” you tremble. Jaemin’s hands aren’t giving out. You try not to cry out loud by his gripping force. He’s very masculine. Very strong and his hands really hurt when they’re on your body.

You try to punch but he dodges while mindlessly trying to fulfill the desire of the blood red liquid serum… Which is to fill you non-consenting pleasure. Jaemin tries to get a hold of your hands and he does but you panic and chuck his groan with your knee- he grunts and slaps your face again grabbing your neck as you cry out grabbing his arms.

“Jaemin stop!” You attempt to hit his arm that doesn’t budge- so you punch his throat. And he gurgles causing him to let you go but only for a second- you grab his shirt just as he grabs your hair and yanks you so hard on the floor getting on top of you. “Jaemin please.” You cry out when he pins your arms above your head. You’re squirming and crying trying to knee him, but his position seems impenetrable. Vital points. Neck. Chest. Heart. You keep swinging trying to get your arms free- but in that motion he violently grabs your chin and dives to kiss your lips. You hear him moan and it just doesn't feel right, like the first time. “Jaemin-” you get out of his lips for a second before he forces them back on you- “Snap out of it!” You yell. He holds onto your hands hard, his other hand going down the sides of your body. You can only squirm. The outcome of this has two possibilities. With either him hurting you… or you hurting him. You give up and cry out, letting your eyes linger on his face as he kisses violently down your neck stealing a lot of your whimpers with such brute force. “Jaemin please stop…” You whisper but he doesn’t stop.

The nightmare relives again but this time you know it’s real. He removes your shirt by grabbing it's fabric and tearing it off violently. You cry when he grabs your covered boob before his hand swims down and he stuffs his hands inside your pants. “No please stop!” You shake your head. “You’d never do it, because you know what love is." You don’t feel it, but Jaemin’s tongue sucking on your neck stops for a bit before he continues. Meanwhile, you shut your eyes tightly professing how he’d never do it. “You wouldn’t hurt me like this. You wouldn’t hurt me Jaemin- because I know you love me. You said it's sacred. That love making is sacred. Done by people who love each other. Jaemin," you whimper out a cry. "Jaemin. Jaemin please, I love you, I love you so much, please don't do this to me - Jaemin please stop.”

His hands hesitate over yours and you take that quick hesitation to break your hands free- but instead of trying to punch him or get away you grab his face away from your neck.

“Jaemin I love you," you whimper out with tears in your eyes. Jaemin's eyes bore into yours deadly. He watches the broken glass look in your eyes as you speak softly to him. "P-please wake up. Please wake me up. I love you. It's okay, I promise you in real. I'm not a dream. I love you. I love you so much." Jaemin tries to move his head- but you hold him tighter. "Jaemin please- don’t take advantage of the good we have. Please. You told me that. That we can’t have good because only one person will turn it bad. Please don’t be that person. Please… show me that you love me, by waking up from this dream. Wake up. Please.”

That has Jaemin stopping- the words hitting his head.

“Please…” He looks up to your eyes… his brain slowly clouding back to his rightful senses. He's erratic breathing slowly bringing him back. Your thumb moves to his lips as you continue to beg. Jaemin's lips kiss your thumb. The tears by your eyes don’t lie as you beg him again. “Please Jaemin, don’t do it.” And instantly he gets off you panting wildly. He can feel his fingers shaking, his whole body trembling… the thought of Mark passing over his head again. When Johnny strapped Mark over the chair, he gave Jaemin a red liquid serum that altered his thoughts to make him act out Mark’s worst fear. Jaemin beat Mark up so badly that after waking up the next day he heard that Mark ended his own life. So seeing you, still on the ground trying to cover yourself again- Jaemin looks at his hands. He can’t believe that the President did it again. Used his own body to harm another person. “Jaemin…?”

His head snaps up to your voice. “I’m sorry.” His voice breaks into a trembling cry. “I’m sorry.” He backs up again and shields himself. This is why he wanted to be released… he didn’t want to experience his body being used again. He recalls how he beat up Mark mercilessly almost to death, almost to a palp. And now you… he almost raped you.

“Jaemin,” He feels too ashamed to look up at your face. He hurt you. “Jaemin, please look at me.”

He doesn’t. But it doesn’t stop you from slowly… warmly wrapping your arms around him. You hold him so tight that you lay your head on his… “I’m so sorry..”

“It’s okay.” You tenderly smile.

“This is why I wanted to die. It's not the first time he's used me like this.” He shakes his head. “I can’t keep hurting those I care about. First it was my family. And then my friend. And now you…”

“It wasn’t you Jaemin. It was a nightmare.” Your hand lays on the side of his face as you tilt your head trying to get him to look at you. “To think it’s happened to people in the past by those they love must’ve been really frantic. The heartbreak of trusting someone you love and then they hurt you… Now I can imagine the pain you keep to yourself and endure.”

“That’s not even half of it.” He looks down. “It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the person who injected you. The person in power.” You say with anger towards Johnny. “He’ll be damned if he tries to do that again.”

“I love you," he blinks away the tears when seeing perfect love in your eyes. "That's what this community lacks. The world was made with love. Without love everything is dull… You, literally saved me with love." He holds you again in his arms and you engulf in him. "I'm still sorry. We need to get out of here and inform the Neorists of Johnny’s erratic behavior. Because if I see him I’ll give him a piece of my mind and that might land me to be released.”

Your head snaps to the door as it opens up. Thinking it’s Johnny, Jaemin gets in front of you ready to fight, but instead it’s Haechan. “Haechan?” You peek from behind Jaemin.

“I’ll explain later, but you have to leave now.” He looks back to the passage before looking at you and Jaemin again. Jaemin removes his leather jacket and helps you put it on.

Haechan helps you escape from the punishment room and out of Community 1. He helps you and Jaemin to his piloting drone and flies high up in the night sky. He explains how Jeno told him that the President gave him a weird serum to give Y/n. He explains that Jeno felt that the President acted weird when giving him the serum. And Haechan too admits to watching the President drive to your house for three days and nearly tried to do something bad with you. And the fourth time when the president tried again, this time he was glad that Jaemin was there.

With his drone he followed the president and saw him violate multiple rules. With protocol, Haechan is supposed to write out a warning, but seeing as it was the President, he didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, Jaemin tells him to report it to the Neorists and hopefully they’ll make a judgement call. With Y/n and him being witnesses, there’s no way Johnny will escape this.

"You've got yourself good friends." Jaemin comments, after Haechan lands by the edge of community 7, by Jaemin's house. "They treat you more like a sister then their love interest. Rest up, I'll be back."

Leaving you at his place in the comforts of his lively nature filled room, with the glass wall showing the beauty of nature, you're able to rest up. He heads to your family dwelling at exactly 6 a.m. to just report that you’re alright and that the events of last night will be rectified, that they should just continue on as normal. But after he’s done he comes back to his place, already seeing you sitting up on his bed in one of his shirts and sweatpants. He sits on the edge of the bed biting his lip when looking at your attire.

“What’s going to happen now?” You ask.

Trying not to get distracted, especially after recalling the things he did to you unconsciously, he clears his throat. “If your buddy Haechan has done his part well in reporting back what he saw to his elder, then the Neorsits will call for a meeting. But if he hasn’t done that, then I’ll have to go and report what I saw myself. Having a community member report a crime is better because it means that the Neorist Elders will be forced to rectify the mistake. They’ll decide on the fate of the President.” Jaemin says. “From there, a ruling will be made, it’s either they’re going to put him out of power and president-ship, or release him. With what he did I’m sure those will be the only options.”

Just then they both hear a loud ‘ding dong’. “I guess your buddy did his part. Someone’s here to call me for the meeting… Do you…” He looks into your eyes. The same eyes that looked at him with so much love… Are looking back at him, with even more love. “I know it’s all so sudden, but do you want to come with me?” He looks in between your eyes. The way you cried last night really pulled a toll on him. He wants to make up for his actions, by proving to you how much he loves you. He wants to actually stay with you and hope that perhaps… with Johnny out of power… his fate as a Dreamer will change.

“What happens when they release him?” You question. “Will someone else be elected as president?”

“Yes.” He nods his head. “One of the Neorists of course.”

-

“Dreamer Jaemin,” One of the Neorist elders, Jaehyun, the commander of justice calls onto Jaemin. “Would you care to give us your verdict. Our choices are inconclusive. 3 out of 10 prefer that President Suh remains in power, reasons due to how sufficient he has been in ruling the communities. They argue that he might have seen Y/n as a failure because of her actions. Another 3 out of 10, myself included, are in favor of casting the President out of leadership, due to one too many scandals across various of communities, such as invading privacy, manipulating rules, involving himself in illegal serum testing and many more. And finally the last 3 out of 10 prefer for the community to make the final decision because this is the President of all communities, they’re claim is that the community deserves to know. We have all made our claims, it’s up to you to weigh out the decisions, and rule out what we will not do and give your final judgement. On the case of President Suh Johnny, what will we as the body of Neorists do?”

Sitting in the large meeting room with a wooden brown table in the center and all the Neorists sitting around it, you can feel the urgency of the matter as you sit next to Jaemin. If this is what it’s always looked like when making decision, you understood why Jaemin always had a cold face. To intimidate the board of Neorists sitting down. Aside from you, there’s only one woman in the panel, The lady in charge of Nurturing in all communities. She’s the only member with a kind face. Other than that, the other men have serious faces looking ready to argue back with Jaemin.

“My Dreamer has done nothing wrong except heed to his instructions. He specifically said the community cannot afford another failure. It’s the reason why I’ve taken my time in training her. Would you prefer that I rushed and she actually turned to betray the community the way he has? In the matter that President Suh should remain in power is just stupid. A community member, two of them have reported suspicious activities.” Jaemin says firmly leaning back on his seat. “Time and time again, we have sat in this room with the President. We’ve all seen how chaotic he's gotten. For his own personal amusement, he did as he pleased. If it’s really up to me, with every single crime that he has committed, I’d have him released. He doesn’t deserve to be our leader. That’s my call. I wouldn’t say it’s the final judgement, I’m leaving that up to you.”

It’s dead silent as Jaemin is done talking.

“What about you Y/n,” Jaemin turns to you, although his face is still rough with his cold demeanor, his eyes do soften entirely when addressing you. “Do you have anything you want to add? Now is your chance-”

“Excuse me, she can’t speak. We don’t let nonmembers-”

“Mind you Elder, whether you like it or not, she’s the next Dreamer." Jaehyun speaks to the elder who stepped out of line. Saving Jaemin from fighting alone. "You’ll soon be taking orders from her.” Jaehyun looks at you. You stiffen up. “What about you Dreamer in training? Do you have anything to say?” The question is so stern out of his mouth. Wow. Being here really makes you see how tough and firm Jaemin has to be in order to get his point through. Thank goodness he hasn’t started swearing.

You snap out of your thoughts while feeling Jaemin’s knee budge into yours- probably his indication for you to speak fast. “Oh. Uh. Well, after the months I’ve spent training, I found it hard to believe that everyone is taught to follow and obey the rules within our community, but our very own President hadn't done that. In order to eliminate discrimination, envy, jealousy, supremacy, hate and plainly anything different. While we’ve eliminated pain, hunger, and other negatives, we’ve also eliminated love… and freedom of choice. President Suh exercised his freedom of choice, and I think… it’s only fair if everyone gets a chance to also exercise their freedom of choice.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you want the community to decide his fate?” One Neorist says- not having understood what you said.

“That’s not what I said.”

Meanwhile Jaehyun and a few others who have an idea of what you’ve said consider your words. “So, what are you trying to say?”

You turn to Jaemin and he nods his head once. “What you decide to do with the president has nothing to do with me, my concern is the aftermath. Going forward, in order to prevent what President Suh did in future, we need a new President, who embodies the right qualities. And can lead us well."

"Who do you have in mind?" The female Nurturing Elder asks. "Because I too would like to see President Suh out of power and our community actually thriving on something."

"Plus you mentioned love." Jaehyun speaks. "I speak for us all when I say, we don't know wat that is."

"Then the person who knows what it is, should rule over the communities. And break us from a box that we've created." You turn to Jaemin- and Jaemin tries to ignore the odd cliche memories sipping into his thoughts, but he finds your words very gracious and generous. You smile. "With love, you'll see how the community will flourish in a different way." You continue speaking as if you're not just talking to the Neorist Elders, but to him specifically. "Love can change our perception of the world around us, as well as our view of ourselves. If we can bring that feeling back, then we'll have true peace. Compassion."

You turn your gaze onto him, eyes glittering with excitement. It's clear to Jaemin that you're more than eager to share these ideas with the Elders. Jaemin's heart feels relieved as he thinks about your dreams. He wants those too. And maybe, just maybe, love may be what can make the world worth living in again. Aside from that, your presence already makes him want to live longer, by your side.

[domjaehyun]

i ❤️ hot nerds (l.dh, n.jm)

PAIRING. pervert!nerd!haechan, pervert!nerd!jaemin x popular!fem!reader  GENRE. smut, slight fluff CONTENTS. explicit smut (kissing, fingering, oral (receiving), titfucking, breast play, lots of drool and spit, overstimulation, snowballing, dirty talk, rimming, anal play, missionary, riding, mating press, breeding/creampies) WORD COUNT. 8.7k SUMMARY. when your professor pairs you with the two smartest students in your class for a group project, you find yourself making an interesting deal with them. or, alternatively: the one where you have to help two nerds learn to get girls so you can pass your class. PLAYLIST. n/a NOTES. remember when i said i was up to something with these two? this is it! teehee :3 i hope you enjoy!!

“Professor Kwon, I really need to pass this class,” you say with a worried frown, and she nods in understanding, reaching over to pat your hand gently.

“I’ll see if I can scrape up any extra credit assignments for you to do, but in the meantime, you can try and do your best on the group project coming up. It’s worth thirty percent of your grade, and if you want, I can pair you up with some of the stronger students in the class to help ensure you get a good grade.” she offers helpfully, and your face lights up with a relieved smile as you nod.

“I would love that,” you gush gratefully. “Thank you so much, Professor Kwon! I really appreciate all your help.” You can tell from her kind expression that she knows your words are sincere, and it warms your heart that she’s been so helpful and generous.

“No worries, dear. I’ll email you tonight with some extra credit assignments for you, okay?” she says, and you nod in agreement as you pack up your bags to leave her office hours.

“I’ll be waiting! Thank you again, and have a great rest of your day!” You chirp, slinging your bag over your shoulder before exiting her office.

As you head down the hall, you think about who, in your thirty-person class, she could possibly pair you up with that could help your grade.

“Okay, class, I’m going to pair you up with your partners for the group project. Just a reminder—it is worth thirty percent of your grade, so please take this seriously. I would hate to have to fail any of you.” Professor Kwon says as she looks out at the classroom. 

Indistinct mutterings go around, and you look around as you contemplate who she might put you with. There’s Mark Lee, the sweet, endearingly bubbly English major in the year below you who’s also an RA for the building across from your dorm.

There’s Huang Renjun, the smart, quiet art major junior in the same year as Mark, and he could be a good partner, you suppose—

You’re dragged out of your reverie by the sound of your professor saying your name, followed by, “Lee Haechan, and Na Jaemin.”

Oh. Well, you’re certainly not upset by that development. You look across the room, where Jaemin and Haechan are sitting together, to see that they’re already looking over at you. Haechan smiles nervously and averts his gaze quickly, but Jaemin leans into the eye contact, giving you a small wave. 

You smile and wiggle your fingers back in greeting, making Jaemin grin and Haechan dissolve into excited giggles, the older male pushing his thick, black-rimmed glasses up on his nose absentmindedly.

Your professor finishes reading off the groups and waves her hands at you all, gesturing for you to get situated with your partners. You move to stand only to see that Haechan is rushing to stand up and make his way over to you, clutching his notebook and papers to his chest almost protectively.

Haechan and Jaemin are also the year below you, and you know them relatively well, given that you’re the RA for their dorm building—well, you know a bit about them: they live across the hall from you, they’re avid gamers, and, if you’re not mistaken, they’re two of the top students in the class.

You watch with an amused smile as Jaemin leisurely slings his bag over his shoulder, the cool, calm, and collected counterpart to your other partner, and they both make their way over to where you sit, Haechan sitting in the chair in front of you and turning it around to face you while Jaemin sits beside you.

“Hi,” Haechan greets quietly, and you shoot him a friendly smile.

“Hi, Haechan,” you reply sweetly, and his face breaks out into a brilliant, shy grin. 

“Hi.” he says again, and Jaemin snorts.

“You said that already.”

“Well, I’m saying it again.” Haechan counters, and you chuckle.

“Hi,” you say, “again.”

“...Hi.” he mumbles shyly, barely able to get the words out past his excited smile.

“Hi, Jaemin,” you greet, turning to look at the male beside you.

He shoots you a dazzling smile that makes you wonder, for a moment, how he even got the label of “nerd” everyone classifies him as. Haechan is a bit more understandable, given his general flustered nature around girls, but Jaemin’s always been calm and easygoing—you’d even go so far as to say he’s smooth. However, you suppose that after hearing Jaemin rant and rave about video games and the like, you can see why someone might label him as one even if you don’t find video games all that nerdy. 

“Hi,” he replies easily, lifting his eyebrows in greeting. It’s your turn to avert your gaze, the mildly suggestive gesture making you feel a little hot under the collar when you couple it with the fact that he can’t keep his eyes off of you.

“So, um,” you say, clearing your throat slightly, “I think we should meet up after classes today to talk about what we’re gonna do for our group project.”

“Okay,” Haechan agrees instantly, nodding vigorously. “We can meet up in the library? Or the cafeteria—or—well, maybe you’d wanna meet up somewhere private—” he starts to ramble, and you tilt your head to the side in confusion, holding up a finger to stop him. He falls silent immediately, widened, slightly starstruck eyes gazing at you so intently you find yourself growing more endeared to him.

“Why would it matter if it’s in private or not?” you ask, brows furrowed, and Haechan nibbles at his bottom lip, exchanging a wordless glance with Jaemin. “Haechan?”

“In case you… y’know… don’t necessarily want to be seen with us.” he mumbles quietly, and you frown deeply. 

“Why would I not want to be seen with you?” you ask, already feeling like you know the answer.

“Because—” Haechan looks around the room to see if anyone’s paying attention to him before continuing, “because we’re nerds,” he says, whispering the word like it’s a slur, “and you’re—well, you know who you are.”

“How about you tell me who I am?” you press gently with a playful smile. “Just to refresh my memory.”

“You’re you. You’re one of the cool seniors—you’re one of the only RAs that everyone likes—and you’re…. y’know… popular.” Haechan whispers that word both like it’s a dream and a word that doesn’t belong in his mouth, and you won’t lie and say it doesn’t bother you slightly.

“Haechan.”

“Mm?” Haechan replies, and you drum your manicured nails on the table in front of you to stop his gaze from wandering furtively around the room. 

“First of all, this isn’t a stereotypical clique-y high school movie.” you chuckle. “I can be seen with anyone I want; it never mattered to me.”

“Okay,” he replies hesitantly, but you can sense some of the tension leaving his body as he gradually relaxes.

“Second of all: don’t call yourselves nerds like that—like it’s a label that actually matters. You’re just Haechan, and he’s just Jaemin, and I’m just me.” you finish carefully, and he cracks a smile, looking up from where your hands rest on the table to meet your gaze.

“Okay, cool.” he mumbles, smile growing as your words sink in.

“We can meet on the quad after class if you want,” you say, deliberately choosing the most public location you can think of.

“Well—” Jaemin cuts in, and you turn to look at him to see that he’s looking between you and Haechan. “There are no outlets on the quad… it’s just grass and some trees.”

“True,” you muse thoughtfully. “Where do you guys want to meet?”

“The dorm? Oh, but—” Haechan cuts himself off, shooting a panicked glance Jaemin’s way. “I don’t think my side of the room is presentable right now.”

“Okay,” you say with a laugh. “How about we meet in my room?” you offer, and Haechan’s eyes get so wide you fear he might hurt himself, while Jaemin’s brows shoot up in surprise. Looking between the two of them with growing amusement, you add on, “My last class ends at 4:30pm, and I can be back at my dorm by about 4:45pm, if that works for you guys.”

Neither of them speak for a moment, Haechan seemingly rooted in place with surprise, while Jaemin looks at him expectantly, eyes widening pointedly before he sighs and shakes his head. “Yeah, that works for us.” Jaemin answers finally, and you smile, nodding in confirmation.

“Great!”

“Class is over, everyone! Good luck on your projects, and I’ll see you next Wednesday!” Professor Kwon bids you all goodbye, and everyone starts to gather their things. 

“Well, I’ll see you guys then; you know where my room is!” you say, putting your notebook in your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. 

“See you later!” Jaemin replies easily, and Haechan nods as if to second Jaemin’s words.

“Bye, Haechan,” you say with a playful smile, finding it cute how flustered the male is by your attention.

“Bye,” he croaks weakly, and you giggle, turning to leave but not before catching a glimpse of Jaemin swatting Haechan’s arm in a scolding gesture.

“Would you relax? At least try to play it cool,” Jaemin whispers loudly from behind your retreating back.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it!” Haechan exclaims in a hushed voice. “She’s so pretty.”

You can’t help but smile widely to yourself as you keep walking, pretending you haven’t heard a thing.

They’re perfectly on time—in fact, if your ears don’t deceive you, they’re five minutes early, the two of them standing outside and bickering quietly.

“Listen,” Jaemin says in a stern whisper, “you’re going to act normal when we get in there. No being weird and quiet and awkward.”

“Yes, sir,” Haechan replies sarcastically, and you snicker quietly. “You try staying calm when she looks at you with those eyes.”

“I do,” Jaemin replies flatly. “If you can’t… skill issue, I guess.”

“Wh— skill issue? I bet I’m skilled at putting my foot up your ass—”

“Shut up, she might be able to hear you!”

“Why don’t you knock, then? We can meet early.”

“Why don’t I knock?” Jaemin replies incredulously. “Why don’t you?”

“Why would I knock?”

“Why would I?! You’re the one all eager to see her.”

“I’m not that eager.” Haechan mumbles bitterly, and Jaemin scoffs.

“You showered to see her.”

“So did you!”

“I always shower after classes. You also put on cologne.”

“Well— Is it a crime to want to smell good in front of a pretty girl?”

“No, but it is a crime to act like a wuss when she so much as looks at you,” Jaemin snarks, and Haechan sucks his teeth.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

There’s a brief scuffle on the other side, and you hear faint slapping sounds like they’re smacking each other back and forth, and you giggle softly, walking over to your door and waiting patiently. 

“Would you cut it out? Here–” Jaemin snaps, and three knocks sound out on the other side of your door. 

“Shit! Do I look okay?” Haechan worries.

There's silence before Jaemin replies. “No.”

“Fuck you.”

You decide to end their bickering and open your door, smiling at the two of them. “Hi, boys.”

“Hi,” Haechan mumbles shyly, and Jaemin elbows him, glaring at him.

“Hi,” Jaemin greets pleasantly, and you step aside to let them in.

“Make yourselves comfortable.” you offer, and they enter slowly, Haechan moving cautiously like you might change your mind at any moment. “I have snacks, water, and juice if you want anything to eat or drink.” 

“Oh, dope,” Haechan says eagerly, heading to your mini fridge and opening it, retrieving a blue Gatorade and plopping down on your fluffy pink rug. Jaemin takes a bag of chips from the basket on top of the fridge and sits beside Haechan so there’s room for you to sit across from them. 

You take a can of pineapple juice and frown down at the metal tab. “Can one of you open this? I don’t want to break a nail.”

“I’ll do it!” Haechan exclaims, leaning forward and taking it from you. He opens it with ease and hands it back to you, blushing when you smile gratefully and slip a straw into the opening.

“Thank you, Haechan,” you hum, and he smiles bashfully, nodding.

“You’re welcome.”

“So,” you say, sitting on your bed in front of them as you sip your drink. “What should we do our project on?”

“We were thinking we could do it on something cool, like…” Haechan says, trailing off towards the end and looking over at Jaemin with a clear request for help in his eyes.

Jaemin rolls his eyes slightly, sighs, and says, “Sex.”

You can’t help but smile slightly. “Sex is cool?”

“Well— well, I guess it’s not cool,” Haechan mumbles, unsure of himself, and you cross your leg over the other, watching as his eyes drop to the hem of your skirt, a latent hunger in them as he eyes your bare legs. “But something, like, trendy and relatable.”

“So sex is trendy?” You can’t refrain from teasing him slightly, admiring the way his cheeks flush. “It’s the cool, hip, new thing all the kids are getting into, huh?”

“Well—” Haechan stammers, and you hold up a hand to stop him, the male falling silent instantly and watching you intently.

“I’m just messing with you,” you assure him, and his shoulders slump in relief. “I’m okay with that! I just wanna be super transparent and let you guys know that my passing this class is riding on this grade for this project, so it’s really important to me. I’ll do my best to pull my weight, but I’m not doing as well as you guys, so—”

“We’ll do all the work,” Jaemin offers, and you stop short, blinking at him in surprise. 

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Haechan chimes in, pushing his glasses up his nose slightly. “You won’t have to lift a finger.”

“...Why?” you ask carefully, and they look at each other, now both a bit shifty. “Guys?”

“Hm?” Haechan asks, and you raise an eyebrow when he doesn’t meet your gaze, clearing your throat and waiting until he does.

“What’s in it for you?”

“Well… we were thinking we could trade services.” Jaemin interjects when it becomes evident that Haechan won’t be answering your question.

“Services?” you question, sitting forward slightly. Shifting your position, you cross your legs at the ankle instead, your knees falling apart slightly, and Haechan’s eyes zero in on the space between your legs, his tongue slipping out to wet his lips as he watches you. “Your service is helping me get an A, and my service is… what, exactly?”

“Um… we were thinking you could help us socially.” Jaemin says carefully, and you tilt your head to the side in confusion.

“How?”

“Teach us how to get girls!” Haechan blurts out.     

“So, let me get this straight,” you say, looking between the two of them. “You’ll make sure we get an A on this project, and in return, I have to… help you get girls?”

“Teach us how to get girls,” Haechan stresses. “Don’t just help us get one girl.”

“What’s that quote? Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, but teach him how to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.” you recall proudly, and Jaemin nods, pleasantly surprised.

“Exactly,” Haechan confirms. “I’m trying to eat for a lifetime.”

“Noted,” you giggle, and you shrug before nodding. “I don’t see why not.”

Haechan pumps his fist and whispers some sort of victory affirmation that you don’t catch but Jaemin stands up, walking over to your bed, and extends his hand in offering, making you blink at it in confusion.

“Shake on it?” he says slowly, and your mouth makes a little “o” of realization as you nod in understanding, now reaching out to shake his hand. His lips curl into an unnerving yet attractive smile as he grips your hand and pulls you a little closer to whisper, “I can’t wait for our first lesson.”

Something about his intent, unwavering gaze and the way his fingers drag against your palm as you retract your hand—the longing of it all, the lingering touch like he doesn’t want to let go—has your mind reeling in that dizzying feeling from earlier, and you wonder for a minute just what you’ve gotten yourself into. 

It’s been about a week of meeting up with Haechan and Jaemin every day to work on your project, and you’ve been giving tips and tricks on how to get girls every day, both boys studiously and dutifully hanging onto your every word.

“I have a question,” Haechan states about twenty minutes into your study session, and you look at him expectantly. “When do we get to the makeover portion?”

You make a small hum of confusion. “Makeover?”

“Yeah, where you style our hair and our wardrobe and get us contacts and stuff.” Haechan says eagerly, and you chuckle.

“Your wardrobes are completely fine, my only advice for your hair is to style it off your forehead more often, and I happen to like your glasses.” you reply, and Haechan sighs in mild impatience, waving his hand dismissively.

“You don’t get it—we need to be fuckable!” Haechan stresses, and you roll your eyes in exasperation.

“Haechan, you’re already fuckable.” you explain calmly, and he opens his mouth in preparation for some witty remark, but after processing your words, his eyes widen and his mouth hangs open uselessly, his accusingly pointed finger now pointing meekly at the floor at an angle. 

“I—So—so you would fuck us?” he stammers, and you nod slowly, looking from him to Jaemin.

“Why do you think I let you get away with your numerous dorm violations?” you snort in amusement, and he blinks hard.

“I thought you just took pity on us, y’know? Like you had a soft spot for nerds or something.”

“I don’t have a soft spot for nerds.” you answer. “I have a soft spot for hot nerds, though.”

His mouth opens and closes pathetically as his normally quick-witted brain scrambles to process the information you’ve just presented to him. Jaemin is quicker to act, sitting forward so suddenly the move could be considered as predatory, and you’re not sure if it’s the lighting reflecting off of his glasses or what, but there is most definitely a glint in his eye as he regards you, his lips gradually stretching into a toothy grin.

“So you let us get away with stuff? Because you like us? Like what?” he questions, and you tilt your head to the side as you think. 

“Your candles, for starters. Haechan’s tapestry, your many many noise complaints from your neighbors when you two get too heated as you’re gaming,” you start to list off on your fingers, and you cross one leg over the other, not missing the way both of their eyes shift to your newly exposed skin and how… hungry they look. “The way you—” you point at Haechan, “always try to get away with looking up my skirt.”

Haechan’s face flushes a pretty shade of red, and you smile, amused, as he scrambles to defend himself. Before he can, you hold up a hand to silence him. 

“Haechan?”

“Yes?” he replies meekly.

“If I minded, I would have said something by now. I certainly wouldn’t have kept wearing skirts and accidentally flashing you.” 

His eyes roll back into his head with a whimper and he nods in understanding. 

“And you—” you round on Jaemin, who’s still perched like a lion about to pounce, and the male just smiles wider, tilting his head to the side curiously.

“What about me?”

“You probably think you’re slick with the little lingering touches on my back and waist when you’re ‘trying to get by,’ but I only let you do that because I like it.”

His grin widens more than you even thought possible, the glint in his eye now unmistakable. “Oh, yeah? Where else do you like being touched?”

“I mean,” you hum, uncrossing your thighs and smiling as both of their gazes hone in on the space between your legs, “I could tell you, but I think you’d rather have me show you.”

“I have a better idea,” Jaemin murmurs, moving towards you slowly. “How about you let us find out?”

You pretend to think about it for a moment, relishing the way they look at each other with equally worried expressions as they silently pray you won’t back out, before you shrug nonchalantly. “Okay.”

No sooner than the last syllable’s left your mouth do they spring into action; Haechan clambers onto the bed beside you and Jaemin lunges forward to settle himself between your legs. Large, warm hands glide up your inner thighs, pushing them apart as he hikes your skirt up to reveal your light blue boyshorts. He moans loudly at the sight, immediately running his thumbs over your clothed mound, eyes flicking up to your face when your breath hitches softly. 

“Princess likes being touched here, huh?” he marvels quietly, leaning in with a slow lick of his lips. “How about kissed, hm? Do you like being kissed here, too?”

“Yeah,” you exhale with a smile, and he grins, wetting his lips once more before leaning in closer and pressing his wet lips to your core, bottom lip barely grazing your concealed clit. As he does, he takes a deep, loud inhale followed by a lust-filled groan that has heat rushing to your cheeks. 

“Jesus, Jaemin—”

“Not now.” His reply is distracted, but blunt and domineering all the same, and you find yourself falling silent in surprise. When he pulls back, there’s a wet spot on the fabric where his mouth used to be, and the cool air hits it, making you hiss quietly.

“As hot as these look on you, I want them off.” Jaemin mutters, hooking his fingers into your underwear and tugging it down and off your legs. “Wanna taste it.” he mumbles—you think it’s towards himself—before he’s burying his face between your legs with another loud moan that makes you curse under your breath, overwhelmed with desire.

His tongue lies flat against your folds, languidly and deliciously dragging upwards to circle around your clit. He grunts in delight and pulls you closer to the edge of the bed, hooking his arms around your thighs and pushing forward again, the bridge of his nose pressed against your mound. 

You gasp and clutch at the nearest thing in your grasp, which just so happens to be Haechan’s thigh. “Fuck,” you whisper loudly, and Jaemin chuckles.

“Stop neglecting Haechan,” he scolds playfully through a mouthful of your pussy. “This was his idea, you know.”

You manage to redirect your attention to Haechan, whose eyes dart around as he watches you and Jaemin with a wild look in his eyes, the male seemingly frozen on the spot. 

Your nose nudges at Haechan’s, the male tilting his head towards you and parting his lips in a soft sigh as your lips meet. It takes a moment for him to reciprocate, almost long enough for you to pull back, but he finally starts to kiss you back with a whimper caught in the back of his throat. 

“Haechan, touch me,” you urge, gripping his wrist and bringing his hand to your waist. He clutches your waist, but there’s a hesitance to it that leaves you wanting more.

“Yeah, Haechan, touch her.” Jaemin chuckles before massaging your clit with his tongue. Your eyes roll back into your head with a groan and he rewards your reaction by pressing the wet muscle against you more insistently. “Maybe he needs some incentive.”

“Incentive?” you hum curiously, and he nods, that wicked glint returning to his eyes.

“Take your shirt off.” he presses, and you oblige without hesitation, discarding the shirt behind you on the bed and looking at Haechan expectantly, finding yourself endeared by the way he nibbles his bottom lip nervously. “Haechan, doesn’t she look so good like that?”

“Amazing,” Haechan breathes reverently, and you smile at the praise, eyes closing in bliss. 

“Kiss her.” Jaemin suggests, and Haechan does just that, tentatively approaching you and gently connecting his lips with yours. As your mouths move together, you can’t help but notice the same reservation in Haechan’s movements, drawing a plaintive whimper from your lips. “Stop kissing her like you’re scared, Haechan,” Jaemin scolds. “She likes it. Don’t you, princess?”

“Yes,” you reply instantly, reaching up to cup Haechan’s cheek. He shudders at the contact, eyes fluttering shut before reopening with a darkened intensity that clues you in to the fact that Haechan seems to be done holding back.

Sure enough, Haechan clutches your chin and pulls you closer to him, tongue boldly slipping between your lips and exploring the wet warmth of your mouth. His thumb pries your lips apart with a forcefulness that delights you, and he hovers above your open mouth, eyes scanning yours before letting a string of saliva drip down from his lips onto your waiting tongue.

You whine when the spit connects with your tongue and he grunts, “Don’t swallow,” before kissing you again, tongue swirling confidently around yours even as a mix of your saliva drips down your chin and onto your chest. He’s quick to act, leaning down and dragging his tongue up the trail of spit before connecting your lips again in a more heated, desperate kiss that slowly takes your breath away. It’s wet, and hot, and messy and sloppy and everything you could have wanted from him and more as he leans in, pressing into you and leaning you back onto your mattress. 

Jaemin seems to be done assisting Haechan, as he returns to eating you out with a renewed fervor and, as Haechan kisses down your body to your breasts, it dawns on you that they might be competing for your attention. 

With every swirl of Haechan’s tongue around your nipple, Jaemin echoes the action around your clit, their synchronization sending you spiraling into a frenzy. When Jaemin flicks your clit back and forth with his tongue before taking it into his mouth to suck, Haechan does the same to your breast, lapping at your nipple eagerly before sucking on the sensitive bud.

“Fuck—” you hiss, realizing—perhaps a moment too late—that you may have bitten off more than you can chew as you let the two sexually frustrated males have their way with your body.

Before long, you feel that tightening sensation in your stomach as your climax approaches, and you whimper in lieu of a verbal warning, Jaemin picking up on your cue instantly and diving back into your core with an eagerness that both startles and delights you. With another well-timed suck at your clit, you’re climaxing with a cry of pleasure and a full body tremor as you curl in on yourself. 

Before you’ve even recovered from your high, Jaemin’s pressing on your stomach to keep you in place as he resumes lapping at your core, his tongue gliding with ease against and between your slick folds. 

“Fuck—Jaemin, it’s sensitive—” you moan, squirming away from his touch, but he ignores you, two fingers prodding at your entrance before slowly easing their way in. “Oh, shit—”

“That’s it, just take it, princess,” Jaemin coos, swirling sinful circles around your clit as his fingers move in and out of you slowly. “Feel so good around my fingers like that, angel.”

“Can I—” Haechan swallows thickly before continuing, “Can I fuck your tits?” Before you can answer, he adds, “Please?” fully laden with desperation and you can’t even fathom saying no to him—so you don’t, instead nodding and watching his face light up with excitement.

He rushes to pull off his pants as if you’ll change your mind at any moment, and when he pulls his boxers down, his fully erect length springs up, girthy and long with an upwards curve. You watch with fascination as he straddles just below your chest, laying his length between your breasts and pushing them together with a groan. 

With his eyes locked on your breasts and where his length disappears between them, he starts to move, slowly fucking himself on your breasts. His gasps and whimpers are both adorable and arousing, his fingers greedily clutching the mounds of flesh as his thumbs swipe over your nipples rhythmically. 

Apparently dissatisfied with the sensation, Haechan pauses, smearing his precum over your chest and pauses thoughtfully before leaning forward and letting several large droplets of saliva drip down from his tongue to your breasts, the clear liquid landing on either side of his cock and slowly sliding down the insides of your breasts to coat his length. “That’s more like it,” he grunts, and resumes fucking your cleavage, his eyes rolling back into his head at the sensations, his length gliding between your breasts with ease. 

Meanwhile, Jaemin curls his fingers inside of you, fucking them into you quickly and mercilessly as you cry out in pleasure. His tongue keeps swirling around and flicking at your clit, massaging your little bundle of nerves as his fingertips fuck into your other patch of nerves along your inner walls that has you seeing fireworks.

“God, that feels so good,” you whimper out, and Jaemin nods vigorously, tongue messily gliding along your folds with every movement of his head. 

“Mm, I know, princess—tastes so good, too.” he purrs, and you prop yourself up on your elbows to peek past Haechan at Jaemin, noting fondly that his glasses have almost completely fogged up. 

Haechan shoves his glasses up his nose hurriedly with one hand, mumbling something about wanting to see better, before he speeds up, small moans leaving him as he approaches his high.

Jaemin digs his tongue into your core, greedy muscle slurping up your arousal as it gushes from your hole, and you moan loudly, walls clenching desperately around the intrusion. His fingers slide up and down your slit, parting your folds, and he uses the combination of your slick and his spit to lube up his fingers for when he presses them to your asshole. He chuckles darkly when you squeal and squirm, fingers pushing into your tight rim without pause. 

“You can take it, right, princess?” he coos, and you nod, panting, even though you’re not sure he can see you. “That’s it, pretty, just like that. So fun to play with,” he murmurs, the last part almost sounding like it’s to himself as he moves his fingers inside of you, tongue gliding up and down to swirl around your clit and your entrance teasingly.

“So good,” Haechan moans, still using your breasts to stroke his length. “Wanna cum—fuck, you’re so hot—gonna cum, pretty—where d’you want it?”

You find that you can barely form thoughts, let alone words, so, in lieu of a verbal response, you open your mouth, tongue dropping out slowly, and he moans again, this one higher and audibly overwhelmed before he thrusts his cock faster between your breasts, the tip of his length occasionally rubbing against your tongue. With a low groan, Haechan cums, abdomen tensing as he pants his way through his climax. He releases onto your waiting tongue, one spurt of cum landing on your cheek and bottom lip. 

He admires the sight of you with his release painting your face and swipes up the stray seed with his finger, pushing it into your mouth and groaning when your lips wrap around it and suck it clean.

“You’re so perfect,” he murmurs reverently, shuffling down your body to kiss you sloppily, tongue swirling around the inside of your mouth to taste himself. 

Looking behind himself, Haechan takes one look at Jaemin’s fingers diving in and out of your core, slick arousal and Jaemin’s saliva dripping from your entrance, and groans, rushing to get off of the bed and shove Jaemin out of place none too gently to take his place between your legs and study your glistening core, eyes roving over how your entrance is still clenching reflexively around nothing and how your clit twitches with every clench, both overstimulated and in search of something more.

You’re barely done with coming down from your last high when Haechan moans loudly, at his limit, and buries his face between your legs, tongue delving into your folds as you squirm and whimper.

“Haechan, holy shit—” you gasp, squirming away from him, but he just winds his wiry arms around your thighs and tugs you back to the edge of the bed, roughly massaging your clit with his tongue. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, slow down—”

“Tastes so good,” Haechan moans, gaze flicking up to look at you. His hair is all messed up from the numerous times your legs closed around his head and his glasses are fogged up with the heat radiating from your body and his heavy panting, but you can clearly see a wild look in his eyes, his gaze hungrily drinking in the sight of you in front of him. “Don’t wanna stop—don’t make me stop—please—”

“Haechan, baby, please take it easy,” you pant, but Haechan pays you absolutely no mind, his thick tongue slithering into your entrance and drawing out a sharp whine from you as you struggle to sit up, trying the whole while to swat his head away so you can catch your breath.

Your hand barely clutches at a lock of Haechan’s hair before Jaemin’s pulling your hands behind your back and settling you against his chest, his incredibly strong and firm grip leaving you stuck in place as Haechan has his way with your pussy.

“Let him have his fun,” Jaemin purrs in your ear as Haechan laps at your entrance before stuffing his tongue back in as far as it’ll go. “Can’t tell you how long he’s been waiting for this moment.”

“But—” you whimper, walls clenching helplessly around Haechan’s greedy tongue. 

“Doesn’t that feel so good, princess?” Jaemin coos fondly, lips brushing the shell of your ear. You turn your head slightly to look at him with pleading eyes in the hopes he’ll have mercy, but he just chuckles, moving both your wrists to one of his hands before cupping your chin with the other and tilting your face back to his to connect your lips in a slow, passionate, deeply overwhelming kiss. 

You can taste your arousal on his tongue as well as a hint of the gum he was chewing earlier, and you keen weakly into the kiss, sloppily moving your mouth with his as Haechan slurps your arousal eagerly before he sucks your clit into his mouth, presses it between his lips, and moans loudly, the vibrations mixed with all of the lewd noises making you hurtle towards yet another high.

“Oh, shit—” you cry out against Jaemin’s lips as Haechan tongue-fucks you to another orgasm, his blunt nails digging into the flesh of your thighs as he claws at you in a desperate attempt to keep you against his mouth. Jaemin’s hand leaves your chin and moves to grope your breast, his large hand kneading and massaging the flesh and tugging at your nipple as he dots slow, wet kisses down your neck and shoulder. 

“Could stay down here forever,” Haechan grunts, and your eyes widen even in their exhausted, drained state as you start to struggle against Jaemin’s grip and fight to close your legs.

“Please leave my poor clit alone,” you plead, finally wrenching one of your hands free from Jaemin’s clutches and clapping it over your core protectively. Haechan barely even pauses, just starts licking at your fingers with desperate little moans and grunts. “Can one of you please just fuck me?”

They both go stiff, looking at each other wordlessly, before Jaemin releases you completely and switches spots with Haechan, maneuvering his length out of his sweats and boxers, and oh—

“You’re big, too,” you mumble in surprise, and he arches an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Did you think it was going to be small?” 

“Well, no, but I definitely didn’t think it’d be that big.” you mutter, and he snickers, lifting your hips to push you further back on the bed. He spreads your legs wider and looks at your core, eyes roving over your glistening folds and inner thighs with such unadulterated desire that you’re tempted to close your legs out of embarrassment.

“Haechan got you nice and wet for me, yeah?” he murmurs, pumping his fist up and down his cock slowly before slapping the underside of his length on your poor, hypersensitive clit and grinning when you jolt from the stimulation. “Think you can take all of me, princess?”

“Only one way to find out,” you reply breathlessly, and he laughs, nodding in agreement.

“You’re right about that,” he grunts as he pushes into you. Both of you react instantly; his jaw clenches while yours drops, and he sucks in a deep breath through his nose as a breathy half-whimper, half-sigh escapes you. 

Haechan watches you two with rapt attention, eyes flicking from your face to your breasts to where Jaemin’s length is slowly disappearing into you.

“Sweet pussy’s sucking me right in, princess,” Jaemin drawls with a smug grin. “Wanted this that badly, huh?”

“Shut—up—” you gasp as he bottoms out, the absolutely full-to-the-brim sensation dizzying and overwhelming and delicious all at once.

“Yes, ma’am,” Jaemin obliges, brows knitting together as he pulls out slowly and thrusts back in with a quick snap of his hips. You cry out in pleasure and the corner of his mouth quirks upward in smug satisfaction and amusement before he does it again… and again… and again until he’s built up a steady rhythm, every thrust punctuated by a plaintive moan from you.

His hands glide over everywhere he can reach before seeking purchase in your hips, fingertips digging into the flesh there as he drives his length into you.

“You love this, don’t you?” Jaemin coos as Haechan presses your breasts together and wraps his lips around one nipple, sucking as he tugs at the other bud. “You gonna tell your friends how good we fucked you?”

“Mm—yes,” you pant, and Jaemin grins. 

“Gonna tell ‘em that two little nerds from your Biology class fucked you stupid, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you whimper, nodding vigorously. “Mm-hmm—”

“Thought so,” he replies with a dark chuckle before draping one of your legs over his shoulder, angling his hips toward it, and fucking intently into a spot that, you realize after the burst of pleasure from his first thrust, must be your g-spot. 

“Ho–ly shit,” you gasp, clutching at Haechan for something you can use to brace yourself. Jaemin’s thrusts send him into you nice and deep and you’re slowly but surely losing your mind with every stroke, your mouth falling open in a silent gasp as he fucks into you. Your fingers catch Haechan’s thigh once more, clutching onto the warm flesh in an attempt to ground yourself.

Haechan groans and responds by swirling his tongue around your nipple slowly before flicking it back and forth quickly, using a finger to replicate his actions on your other breast.

“Please—fuck—I’m gonna cum—” you warn Jaemin, and he nods eagerly, letting a hand drag across your body from your hip to your clit, thumb sliding between your messy, wet folds to reveal the sensitive button between them. You inhale sharply when he starts to rub it in circles with the same thumb, fingertips resting lightly on your stomach as if he’s not driving you absolutely insane. “Oh, my God—cumming—I’m cumming—!”

“Me too, princess,” he groans, his hips speeding up as he chases after his own high. You climax first, letting out a drawn out whine, with Jaemin following shortly after, the male burying his length in you and pumping you full of his cum as he groans in pleasure under his breath.

“My turn,” Haechan grunts as Jaemin pulls out of you, both males watching as milky white cum drips from your entrance. “That’s so fucking hot,” Haechan mumbles in awe before reaching for your hands to gently guide you to a sitting position. “Can you ride me, pretty?”

“If my legs don’t give out,” you mumble, and he chuckles, sitting against where your bed meets the wall and patting his lap invitingly. You carefully straddle his lap, fingers wrapping around the thick head of his length as you guide his tip to your entrance and start to ease down onto him. Haechan gapes up at you, prompting you to coo affectionately. “Do you mind if I do it myself?” you ask sweetly as you sink down on it further, your nipple grazing his lips as you move against him, and he shakes his head emphatically, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose slightly. “Good,” you praise softly. “You’re not going to cum early, are you?” you ask with a small frown, and Haechan shakes his head again, the glasses sliding further and further down his nose. You gently push the glasses up, and he smiles appreciatively, tongue darting out to lick at your nipple while it’s near his mouth.

“Feels amazing,” he moans, and you smile fondly. You didn’t get a chance to see his length in all its glory, but you can definitely feel every thick inch of his cock as it stretches you open. He’s not quite as long as Jaemin, but he makes up for it in girth, his length barely fitting in your fist as you finish settling down on him.

When you’ve finally managed to fit all of his girthy length inside of you, you lift up slightly, rocking your hips forward for more friction, and Haechan moans out loudly, leaning forward to suck your nipple into his mouth. He cups your breasts, holding them up and together, and alternates running his tongue over both buds, occasionally sucking on a nipple with a low moan of satisfaction.

“More,” Haechan gasps out.

“More?” you ask, confused and lightheaded from all the pleasure you’re receiving.

“Yeah—need you to move faster,” he grunts through gritted teeth, and you suck your teeth.

“You wanted me on top when I told you my legs might give out—” you start to protest, and he pulls your face to his, kissing you to shut you up.

“Need it like this,” Haechan growls under his breath, swiftly maneuvering you two around so you’re lying on your back and he’s on his knees on the bed between your legs. “Hold these for me?” he asks, pressing your knees as close to your chest as they’ll go. As you tentatively hug your legs to your chest, Haechan spreads your folds apart with two fingers, sucking in a loud breath at the sight before he spits directly on your core, a gasp escaping you at the sensation of the warm saliva dripping down your folds.

He rests the underside of his cock on your clit, slowly rocking his hips forward to drag his thick length against your clit, and chuckles when you keen with pleasure.

“You’re so nasty,” Haechan sighs the words like you’re his dream come true, and based on the way his face contorts when he pushes into you, you just might be. He wastes no time, drilling into you at a quick, ruthless pace that has you moaning mindlessly with literally no idea what’s coming out of your mouth. “So fucking nasty for letting me do this to you,” he grunts, brows furrowed as one hand cups your chin. “Open.” 

You oblige, tongue lolling out without being asked, and he grins, leaning over you and letting more saliva drip from his mouth to your waiting tongue. Haechan dips down lower, maintaining his thrusts as he messily moves his lips against yours, his tongue and spit getting everywhere, and he whines desperately into the kiss, his hand moving from your chin to between your legs where he starts to toy with your poor clit.

A choked wail of overstimulation slips from you before you can even process it, and Haechan silences you by kissing you again, mumbling, “I can’t believe you’re letting me do this to you—perfect little fuckdoll—gonna fuck you so full of cum, gonna breed you—”

“Holy shit—breed me, yes, breed me—” you pant, nodding eagerly, and you might be imagining it, but Haechan’s thrusts seem to get impossibly deeper like he genuinely might take you up on that offer.

“Gonna breed you, pretty girl—stuff you full of my cum—give you a fucking baby—make you all mine—”

“Want it—Haechan, please—yours, I’m yours—” you can barely keep up with his heated dialogue, your eyes rolling back into your head in ecstasy as you fall apart on his length.

Haechan’s lips seal over yours, tasting your desperate cries as he fucks you foolish, making a weak, overwhelmed moan come from you and your body produce a deep, full-body shudder that travels as pleasure races through you, electrifying your bloodstream. 

Haechan isn't far behind, his tongue playing with yours almost lazily as his thrusts slow to a stop before he buries himself in you, emptying his seed into you and filling you with an impossibly large load of cum. He groans against your lips, slowly pulling out to the tip and staring down at how his length is coated with a blend of all of your cum with a deep-seated satisfaction.

“Holy shit,” he pants, flopping onto his back. “That was incredible.”

“You’re telling me,” you laugh. “Where did you two learn all that?”

“We watch a lot of porn.” Jaemin says, sheepish for the first time.

“And it taught you all of that?” you remark, incredulous.

“It taught us more, too,” Haechan adds, leaning over you with a grin. “Wanna see?”

“So, you’re telling me those two nerds from your class dicked you down… and they did it well?” Jimin remarks over your lunch in the cafeteria, eyes wide, and you scowl at her.

“Their names are Haechan and Jaemin.” you correct her, and she chuckles sheepishly. “But yes, they may have been the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Well, who would’ve thought…” Jimin comments, her expression thoughtful, and you snap loudly to get her attention. “What?”

“Those two are mine now. You can’t have them.” you state, and she frowns.

“Both of them? Aren’t you greedy?”

You shrug. “Don’t care. Mine.”

“What if they find out you’re actively laying a claim to them? Hm? Aren’t you supposed to be helping them get girls?” Jimin points out, and you frown slightly before pulling your phone out and scrolling through your messages before pressing the “Dial” button. “Who are you calling?”

“Shh.” you say distractedly, placing the call on speakerphone and waiting patiently as it rings once, twice, then stops, the other person on the line picking up. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Haechan greets, sounding slightly concerned. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” you assure him. “Is Jaemin with you?”

“Yeah, he’s right here—did you wanna talk to him?” he asks.

“Both of you, actually. Can he hear me?”

“Hi, princess,” Jaemin calls through the phone, and Jimin’s brows lift in surprise.

“Princess?” she mouths at you, and you smile, nodding.

“Hi, Jaemin. I just wanted to ask you guys a question.”

“Shoot,” Haechan says with audible wariness in his voice.

“You’re both… mine, right?” you say carefully, and Haechan sucks in a sharp breath before you hear a thudding noise. “Haechan?”

“I’m here!” he squawks, sounding slightly far away. There’s a rustling noise, and then his voice comes in clearer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you chuckle. “What happened?”

“He dropped the phone because he’s an idiot.” Jaemin calls out, and you laugh as Haechan shushes him forcefully. 

“An answer to my question would be nice, you know.” you tease lightly.

“I’m yours if you want me to be,” Jaemin replies smoothly, and you smile even though they can’t see you.

“Honestly, I’m yours even if you don’t.” Haechan adds, and your smile only widens as you shoot Jimin an “I told you so” glance.

“That’s good to hear.” you reply, your smile creeping into your voice, and Haechan clears his throat pointedly. “What’s wrong?”

“Well, are you ours?” Haechan asks hopefully, and you look over at Jimin as you reply.

“Absolutely.” 

“Oh, thank God.” he mumbles, and you giggle.

“So, I’m guessing you two are done with your lessons on how to get girls?” you suppose, nibbling your bottom lip nervously.

“Yeah,” Haechan confirms, and you’re surprised by just how relieved you are. “We got the only girl that matters.”

“You’re too cute.” you chuckle. “Wanna come over later?”

“Yes—” Haechan blurts out before composing himself to say, “yes, absolutely.”

“Good. Six sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” he sighs happily. “See you then, pretty.”

“Bye, baby,” you coo into the phone, and his excited squeal is quiet but unmistakable. “Bye, other baby.”

“Bye, princess. See you at six.” Jaemin calls out, and you smile widely before hanging up and smiling proudly at Jimin.

“My boys didn’t disappoint me.” you remark, pleased, and Jimin huffs petulantly.

“Man. I’m happy for you, but I wish I had two cute nerds at my beck and call.”

“Stop calling them nerds,” you correct, and she rolls her eyes.

“Wish I had two cute guys at my beck and call.” she amends her statement, and you smile, satisfied.

“Yeah, I’m pretty lucky, huh?” you muse, and Jimin sighs, a smile curling at her lips.

“Yeah… would you ever wanna share?” she asks with a wiggle of her brows. “Ow! There was no need to flick me.”

“There was every need. Avert your eyes from my men, you lustful wench.”

“Lustful wench? You’re horrible. And greedy! And selfish. Just horrible and greedy and selfish.” she complains, and you shrug, uncaring as you compose a text to your new… boyfriends?

you have created a group message. you have named the group message “power throuple.” you [17:05pm] hi boyfies :)  haechan [17:07pm] boyfies…. i’m weak in the knees jaemin [17:08pm] haechan stand up jaemin [17:08pm] hi baby girl you loved “hi baby girl” haechan [17:10pm] why would i stand up if i could lie down and have our pretty girlfriend sit on my face? 😁 you [17:11pm] you’re bolder over text, huh? haechan [17:12pm] can you blame me? have you seen yourself? you [17:12pm] i have…  haechan [17:13pm] so you know how good you look. don’t judge me when i can’t get my words out in person you [17:15pm] i happen to find it cute when you can’t get your words out jaemin [17:16pm] i find it cute when YOU can’t get your words out you [17:16pm] and when would that be? jaemin [17:17pm] don’t tell me you’ve forgotten so soon… you [17:17pm] i have :( maybe i need a reminder? jaemin liked your message “i have :( maybe i need a reminder?” jaemin [17:18pm] maybe we should come over earlier to jog your memory you [17:20pm] maybe you should. how about 5:45? jaemin liked your message “maybe you should. how about 5:45?” haechan liked your message “maybe you should. how about 5:45?” you [17:22pm] great!! it’s a date :)

“What am I, chopped liver?” Jimin complains as you giggle down at your phone.

“Sorry… and I’m even more sorry for having to cut this short.” you apologize sheepishly as you start to gather your things. 

“You’re kidding…” Jimin remarks, incredulous. “Flat-leaver!”

“I’ll text you after everything,” you assure her, stuffing your notebook in your bag and your phone in your bag’s front pocket. “Gotta go get ready!”

“You’re the worst.” she huffs, but there’s a smile on her face as she rolls her eyes. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

“Rawr.” You make a claw with your fingers, and she stops short, blinking at you with a blank expression. “Too much?”

“Never do that again.”

You nod in understanding. “Copy.”

tadaaaaa i hope you enjoyed! if you liked it, please shoot me an ask or write something nice in the tags :D i love (positive) feedback!

[taexoxosgf]

NA JAEMIN FIC REC LIST

s, smut | f, fluff | a, angst

This list is a compilation of some of my fave jaemin ff <3 a lot were on my old recs so feel free to reread!

after you [ fuckboy!jaemin x fem!reader ] s,f,a

cat & mouse [ na jaemin x jaehyun's sister!reader ] s,f

cherry girl! [ twitch streamer!jaemin x fem!reader ] s,f

talk to my skin [ friends with benefits au ] s

unforgettable [ bassist!jaemin x fem!reader ] s,a

by the window [ voyeurism, neighbor au ] s

strawberry cough , (pt.2) sour tangie [ plug!jaemin x fem!reader] s,f,a

on the rebound [ shooting guard!jaemin x fem!reader, college au] s,f,a

subtle [ established relationship, summer vacation au ] s,f

besties (gone sexual) [ best friends to lovers ] s,f,a

upon your invitation [friend!jaemin x fem!reader, ft. nct dream, vacation au ] s,f

rock me [ fuckboy!jaemin x hairstylist!reader ] s,f,a

backseat chronicles [ streetracer!jaemin x fem!reader ] s,f,a

persimmon problems [ fratboy!jaemin x fem!reader ] f,a

veni, vidi, vici [ popular!jaemin x mark's sister!reader ] s,f

blur. [ exboyfriend's bestfriend!jaemin x fem!reader ] s

two nights, one you [fuckboy!jaemin, one night stand au] s,f

the walls are thin [ roommate!jaemin x fem!reader x roommate!jeno ] s

hush. [jaemin,haechan, jeno x fem!reader ] s

that '90's show [actor!jaemin x pa fem!reader ] s,f,a

pretty girl. [ alpha!jaemin x fem!reader ] s,f

thin walls. [ roommate!jaemin x fem!reader ] s

cookie jar [ stepbrother!jaemin x fem!reader x stepbrother!jeno ] s

one of a kind [strangers to lovers au ] s,f,a

go there with you [ roommate!jaemin x fem!reader ] s

34+35 [ established relationship ] s

parents are home [ secret freak!jaemin ? ] s

memories bring back you [ ex!jaemin x fem!reader ] s

into you [ friends to lovers au ] s,f

what she doesn't know [ mom's boyfriend!jaemin x fem!reader] s

worth it. [ first sleepover au ] s,f

quiet down [ established relationship, semi-exhibitionism ] s

[mochidoie]

diet pepsi.

listen to - diet pepsi by addison rae na jaemin x reader wc - 10k genre - fluff and hotness, shy!reader, flirty!jaemin, suggestive warnings - shirtless jaemin x4, mentions of a "nude" pic, partying/drinking, a makeout session, aloootttt of sensual tension! a/n - HERE IT IS! thank you all so much for the hype over the preview. i hope yall enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it:) comments and feedback are always appreciated!! i read all of them! update: i still can't move on from that jaemin pic.

Accidentally walking in on your best friend's hot housemate half naked with a towel around his waist in the bathroom was never in your plans. But maybe, it was in his?

“Why do you guys have so much Diet Pepsi in your fridge?” There is a slight cadence of disgust in your voice, judgment for the most part, knowing damn well no one drinks Pepsi – let alone Diet Pepsi. 

Mark shuts the fridge door that you’ve left idly open as you rummage through the kitchen cabinets for a snack. “It was a late night purchase. The store ran out of all the good stuff.”

“Now, it’s left taking up space.” You snarl, picking through opened bags of crackers, chips and candy that aren’t sealed properly. “You guys never have good snacks.” Giving up, you make your way upstairs toward the only bathroom in this entire shared house.

“Well, last time I checked, you don’t live here.” Mark hollers from the kitchen, a bit of sass in his statement. “Yet you’re here all the time!”

“You’re overjoyed I’m always here!” Your body leans over the railing of the stairs, calling out to your best friend in an unnecessarily booming voice and a light giggle at the end of your sentence.

Mark doesn’t respond and you’re deep in the hallway in search for the bathroom that is shared between four college men. Although you’re solely Mark’s best friend, the other three guys have welcomed you into their house as they would their own. Honestly speaking, you’re only rambunctiously annoying when you’re just around Mark. His housemates know you as his shy and sweet friend. 

It’s hard for you to open up to others, despite these people being equally as close to Mark as you are. There is just not enough common ground for you to relate to them, as nice as they are when you’re at their house.

Jeno is probably the most similar to you, a man of few words and a smile that resembles a kind puppy. He doesn’t contribute much to the conversation, but he is always laughing at their shared jokes and silly antics. Haechan is the most different from you, playful and Mark’s nightmare at times. Lastly, there’s Jaemin, a man who you’ve found yourself stealing glimpses of whenever he is near. 

Your heart leaps and twirls at any mention of his name, his whereabouts, him. Though, your crush on Jaemin will never come to light. You only let yourself admire from afar, a man as hot and charming as he is already has an entourage waiting on him. And Mark would never let you live it down that you’re practically drooling over his housemate. 

So as you find yourself in front of the bathroom door, you don’t hear the shuffling on the other side. You mindlessly turn the knob and open to reveal Jaemin, shirtless with a towel low around his waist.  

He doesn’t even flinch at the sudden exposure, clearly engulfed in taking a mirror picture. Both of his arms hold up his soft pink phone, his biceps flexing at the simple position. His broad, wide shoulders are on display and all you see is his bare silky skin. You’re gawking, anyone can see at a mile away, hungry eyes tracing the outline of his toned chest and chiseled abs. 

When he finally acknowledges your presence, a big toothy grin appears on his face. Your name rolls off his tongue excitedly, “you’re right. I am overjoyed you’re here.” His lower register catches you off guard and something inside of you spikes at its rumble.

Jaemin watches as you try to find your words, tripping over your own tongue. He drinks up how your eyes bounce between his face and his bare upper body, lost in his canvas. 

“Sorry!” You quickly shut the door, odd that you’re the one embarrassed when he is the one who got walked in on. Running down the stairs, you slam right into Mark, causing him to fall back onto the couch.

“Whoa! Are you in a rush or something?” Mark groans. His eyes fixate on your flustered expression. “What happened?”

You’re deciding whether or not you should lie to him, committed to not exposing and embarrassing yourself even further. “Just bumped into Jaemin. Does he normally not lock the bathroom door?”

There is a small quiver in your voice, but you try your best to remain nonchalant and calm. Mark raises a curious eyebrow, a shaky grin grows on his lips. You can’t even imagine all the wild and inappropriate thoughts spinning in this college boy’s head.

“That’s weird. He’s usually good about that stuff.” He snickers, “What did you see?”

“Get your head out of the gutter.” You lightly slap the back of his head, but feel heat spread across the tips of your ears and run its way down to your cheeks. “I didn’t see anything.”

“Bummer, bet you wanted to.” Mark jokes, a fit of giggles erupting from his stomach. 

You roll your eyes and proclaim loudly, “I have no interest in Jaemin.” Liar. The image of his hot body still hasn’t left your mind. It’s catastrophic. Crossing your arms, you plop onto the sofa next to your best friend. 

Right on cue, another voice chimes in. Coming down the stairs, Jaemin dances his hand on the railing. His muscular arms catches your immediate attention as he flaunts around in a tight white tank, his other hand in the pocket of his gray sweats. “Damn, that really hurts my ego, (y/n), especially after you’ve seen me naked just now.” 

Nonetheless, he doesn’t look offended. Instead, a sweet smirk curves upward on his perfect face. You swallow hard, bashful and ashamed yet again that Jaemin continues to ruin you. 

Mark is laughing his hardest, but you don’t hear him. Your heart pounds in your ears, rapidly and loudly. “You weren’t naked, Jaem. Don’t give Mark any ideas.”

Jaemin chuckles, tucking in his chin shyly. His charming smile is subtle, but dazzling. You’re absolutely positive you have tiny stars swimming in your eyes just looking at him. He makes his way past you two, toward the kitchen to grab a Diet Pepsi out of the fridge.

“I’m sorry, I’ll remember to lock the door next time.” He apologizes, taking a sip of his drink and grimacing at the taste.

“What were you even doing in there?” Leave it to Mark to be such a curious cat. You nudge him in the rib and he winces noisily. “I want to know what you saw! You guys are acting so suspicious.” He sends a glare at you.

Jaemin comes up behind the couch. He leans over, handing Mark his phone. On display is the picture you witnessed Jaemin take a few minutes ago and the frontal view is even better than what you saw from the side. Your sharp intake of breath doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaemin, but he doesn’t call it out. 

The picture could be considered a nude, even if it cuts right at his waistline. It’s so scandalous and he doesn’t seem the slightest sheepish about it. If anything, he and Mark are grinning together at Jaemin’s godly body, like two bros appreciating each other’s muscles. 

“Yo, Na Jaemin! This is so crazy, look at that chest work.” Mark giddily hits at Jaemin’s chest, displaying a weird manly affection for his housemate. “All those hours at the gym are paying off. Are you posting this?” 

Jaemin shakes his head. “It’s only meant for special eyes.” He glimpses briefly over at you, but you avert contact quickly. You think about all the people the boys talk about during their drunk kickbacks, but Jaemin is incredibly secretive. I don’t kiss and tell, is what he always says when the guys try to probe him with investigative questions.

You normally try to pretend like it doesn’t bother you, always helping him by telling the boys to mind their own business. Nonetheless, you’re probably the only person in the room who wants to know the most about his endeavors. 

“This is a nude?!” Mark jumps up and throws the phone back at Jaemin, rubbing his eyes in hopes to rid the picture out of his memory. “I love you dude, but I’m not sure if I want to know you’re posing for nudes in our bathroom.”

Jaemin laughs, “C’mon, Mark. You don’t have to have such a big reaction, just say you want me to send it to you too.” Mark shakes his head aggressively and you’re suffocating at the thought that you walked in on Jaemin taking a nude. A swirl of nasty thoughts circle your mind and you gulp at the desires that fill your lungs.

You get up so suddenly that Jaemin and Mark fall silent and wait for your next move. “I’m going home.” You announce, gaze stuck to the ground and fists balled at your side. “I’ll see you later, Mark.” 

“Alright, do you need a ride–”

“No, I’ll just walk. I need to take a breather.” Your legs are moving before anyone can follow after you. You didn’t know what came over you, but spending another second in that room with them meant increasing your chances of saying something regrettable.

The cold breeze of the night cools your hot skin and fresh air clears your mind. It is still early in the evening when you check the time, but it is realistically going to take you 30 minutes to walk back home. You didn’t think it through, frankly, but at least your head is clear from all the dirty thoughts about Jaemin.

Though, you wonder how whoever receives his photo would react. Would they combust the same way you did? Would they be left speechless at such a glorious man? Special eyes. It must be nice to have Jaemin interested in you. 

When you’re left with your own reflection and about a quarter into your walk, a car pulls up slowly next to you on the curb. Initially, you’re cautious as to the random vehicle approaching you so intently. 

However, the driver’s window rolls down and Jaemin calls your name. “It’s dangerous for you to walk. I’ll take you home.”

That annoying, rhythmic sound of your heart starts up again. Normally, Mark is the one who drives you to and back, but even you didn’t think you could stand being in the car with him as he would endlessly tease you about Jaemin. 

“That’s alright. I’m almost there-”

Jaemin gets out of the car and walks around to open the passenger door for you, “it wasn’t a polite offer. I’m taking you home.” His stern tone causes you to comply and enter his car without another attempt to protest.

When he enters the car, the tension in the atmosphere is heavy and thick. He turns off the engine and you can hear the quietness of the night again. You swallow the spit pooling at the back of your throat, unsure how to talk to him. This is the first time you two have been alone together, just you and him in one confined space. You’re usually with Mark when you’re with the other guys.

“I’m actually really sorry, again. I hope you don’t feel weird about seeing me like that.” Your heart crumbles at the genuinity in his apology. Your abrupt leave probably had him thinking he made you feel uncomfortable.

“Jaemin, it’s fine. I already forgot what you looked like and it’s your house. You should feel comfortable doing what you want there.” You’re downplaying all the emotions rising in your throat, but you can’t help feeling guilty at the pout on his glossy lips.

“Mark said that you’re not used to stuff like that. Is that true? Did I make you feel uncomfortable?” Jaemin looks over at you, a hand resting over the wheel. 

You look away, his sultry stare being too much for you to handle. “Mark doesn’t know anything about what I’m used to. I don’t talk about that stuff with him.” 

It’s the truth. You’ve had your fair share of hook ups, drunk makeout sessions at the club, and a previous relationship. So, you wouldn’t say you’re as innocent as Mark always tries to make you out to be to others. However, you’re not throwing yourself at just anyone and aren’t as open to sharing your experiences to people, Mark being one. 

Jaemin nods, acknowledging everything you’re saying. “I noticed you’re usually quiet when all of us talk about our sexual experiences.” 

“You are too, though.” You mumble under your breath, twiddling your thumbs.

“I’m too distracted watching how shy you get at the mention of Haechan getting head.” This statement, paired with his deep voice, is glass shattering. Something drops in your stomach, your feelings and thoughts colliding together into something unidentifiable.

Jaemin looks so good under the streetlamp. Even in the darkness, you can still see the twinkle in his alluring gaze and how much charm he exudes with a simple toothy smile. The desire to kiss him is so magnetic, you can feel yourself breaking at any moment.

“You notice me?” Your brain has lost control over the words that spill from your lips. Your lustful and romantic feelings go into overdrive, saying things you’ve never dared to say.

It is his turn to send you a confused look, as if it is the most ridiculous question you could have asked. “Of course I do. It’s hard not to. You… have such an effect on me. I talk about it all the time to Jeno and Haechan.” 

This is shocking news to you. You’ve always been under the impression that the other three had no interest or a second thought about you, let alone Jaemin of all people. At the end of the day, you’re just Mark’s best friend and you’re only really there because of him. His housemates are respectful and don’t linger for too long when you’re around, so it never occurred to you that would be a topic in their conversations.

You stutter and approach slowly, “what do you talk about?” 

Jaemin chuckles, shaking his head and starts the car. “Can’t tell you. Just know that I like it when you’re around.” He starts driving you home and you can feel the conversation fleeting. But you don’t want to stop, you want to peel him layer by layer until he is at his core. 

You two drive for some time in silence. When he approaches your neighborhood, he hits you with one sudden question. “Do you have feelings for Mark?” This is the one of many times he has surprised you tonight.

“No!” You refute excessively. “We’re strictly friends. He is nowhere near my type.” It is a question you get pretty often, given that you two are attached at the hip. Nonetheless, the thought of you and Mark together romantically makes you gag. He is nearly your brother at this point. 

Jaemin raises a curious brow, “what is your type?” 

He pulls into your driveway and you’re presented with a window of opportunity. You dance with the possibility that Jaemin could actually be yours. After tonight, he definitely confirmed that he notices you. 

Jaemin peers over with innocent eyes and a soft smile. His elbow rests on the middle console and his large hands hold the bottom of the steering wheel. And you can’t believe that after all this time, he has been looking at you with such an endearing gaze. Gathering all the courage you have left, you clear your throat. 

“Guys like you.” You say, rather breathlessly. You see his pupils dilate and his lips part at the sudden flirtatious confidence. It’s like a lightbulb switches on inside his head. For once, you have left him speechless. “Goodnight, Jaemin. Thank you for bringing me home.” 

You exit his car, but he is quick to follow. “What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t walk you to your door.” You almost make out the slight shakiness in his voice and you’re giggling at how dazed you’ve gotten him.

Approaching your door, Jaemin turns your cheek to face him. His hand remains hot against your jaw and you think in any second, he might lean down and kiss you. He’d kiss you to the point where you’d turn to goo right at his feet. 

Your knees grow weak under his hooded stare, “goodnight (y/n). I’ll let Mark know that I got you back safe and sound.” With that, his hand drops and he starts taking a few steps backwards toward his car. Disappointment is evident in your reaction.

Your shaky hands unlock the front door and you look back to see Jaemin leaning against his car waiting patiently for you to enter. When you get inside, your back slides down against the door, heart beating fast, and you wallow in the emptiness that Jaemin has left you with. 

The only noise filling the air is the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway. Then, your phone buzzes in your pocket and the notification causes your jaw to drop. 

Na Jaemin (Mark’s Housemate): 1 Attachment

“Holy shit.” Jaemin’s nude flashes back at you and you’re taking everything in. The events earlier today come flooding back into your memory. Lustful desires cause your stomach to stir, tracing the lines of his collarbones and following the protruding vein on his shoulder.  

Na Jaemin (Mark’s Housemate): for your special eyes xx

Na Jaemin (Mark’s Housemate): still have no interest in me?

Blinking at the thread of texts, your head is empty and a lump forms in your throat. Na Jaemin, the man that you are. 

mark lee-ave me alone: Party tonight, you coming????

mark lee-ave me alone: It’s been like almost two weeks since we hung out, do i need to file a missing person’s report? 

you: i’ve got finals 

mark lee-ave me alone: you finished finals we literally share calendar schedules… why u avoiding me

you: why are you guys alcoholics 

mark lee-ave me alone: sounds good ! see u tn hehe

Tossing your phone onto your bed, you groan into your pillow. It has been a while since you went over, let alone seen Mark. After the moment you had with Jaemin, you aren’t entirely sure if you’re ready to face him again. You had nearly fainted from all the emotions he put you through that day. 

He also didn’t reply to your text, but then again, you didn’t give him much to work with. This is Na Jaemin you’re talking to and the last thing you want to do is to scare him away. So, the best response you came up with was the blushing emoji and embarrassment hit you all over again.

Nonetheless, you went back to that photo every night since and its effects remain the same every time. Widened eyes, hot cheeks, butterflies in your lower abdomen, wild thoughts. It has gotten to the point where your phone suggested making it his contact picture, causing the bashfulness to catch up to you.

Your phone buzzes again and you’re rolling over to expect another text from Mark. Instead, your heart rubs at your chest at the appearance of Jaemin’s name on your screen.

Na Jaemin (Mark’s Housemate): can’t wait to see you tn

Mark must’ve told them about you coming to the party. All it takes is one simple text and your feet are kicking in the air. Excitement replaces the dread that you were feeling before and you’re jumping out of bed to find a cute outfit.

When you finally get to the house, a mixture of nervousness and anticipation bubbles inside of you. While you’ve looked forward to seeing Jaemin before, this time is completely different. He unlocked something that you can no longer control. 

Mark lets you in, slightly buzzed, and the house is already packed with drunk people. Haechan is on aux as per usual with his perfectly curated party playlist. Jeno has a large bottle in his hand, pouring a line of shots on the kitchen island like a skilled bartender. 

You’re unconsciously scanning the room for Jaemin, Mark’s words going in one ear and out the other. “It’s quite a turnout. We didn’t expect so many people would show!”

When you take a quick look around, many are unfamiliar faces. Most of these had to be friends of his housemates, knowing how small Mark keeps his circle. 

“What is this party even for?” Yelling over the loud music, you swear there will be ringing in your ears tomorrow morning.

“We’re celebrating the end of the semester!” Mark cheers, excitedly with a big goofy grin. “The guys mostly wanted an excuse to get their friends together and have some fun.”

“That’s surprisingly more wholesome than I thought.” You nod, noting the pretty girls moving their hips in the dark and crowds of guys surrounding the keg. “Very fun.” You say sarcastically and follow Mark through the maze of hot bodies.

The kitchen is unrecognizable. Half empty glass pitchers and plastic cups line the sticky marble counters, they were definitely not getting their rent deposit back with all the tarnish.

It wasn’t your first time at one of their parties, but it had been a long time since they’ve thrown something of this scale. It surprised you, mostly because everyone who lived here seemed so laid back that you didn’t expect the large magnitude that they could draw in.

“Did you want something to drink?” Mark grabs a beer from the fridge, politely squeezing his way through those leaning against the appliances. 

You shake your head, “not right now.” He lifts a curious brow at your bottom lip between your teeth. Could he tell you were anxiously waiting for someone? 

“So, where have you been lately?” Your mind is extremely overstimulated with everything happening around you, and of course, Mark decides to have an open conversation in the middle of his densely packed kitchen area.

Shrugging, you play it off like everything is normal. “Needed a break from you. You bitched about me coming over all the time, so I chilled out.”

Mark takes a swig, clearly not believing you. “That’s the real reason why? There isn’t anything else regarding someone who lives here?”

He is prying, digging, scheming. You can see it in his smug face when he knows he hit a soft spot. “Do you want to tell me? Because it seems like there’s something going on that you won’t tell me.”

“It’s just interesting.” He shrugs, “Jaemin insisted on going after you the night you walked out. Care to tell me what happened?” Mark giggles to himself like a high school girl sharing secrets. Rolling your eyes, the twitch of your lips curve into a small grin. 

“Is that so out of his character?” You cross your arms, “Jaemin has always been a gentleman unlike you, who let me walk home in the dark when you know it takes me 30 minutes.” 

Your best friend throws his hands up in defense, “I was going to go! Like I said, Jaemin beat me to it. He just grabbed his keys off the hook and told me he got it.” 

“After you told him I felt uncomfortable?” Anger rises in your voice. Quite surely, you sound more offended than you actually are. Nonetheless, that explanation from Mark did irk you a bit when Jaemin had told you.

Mark looks sheepishly at you and takes a timid sip. “Well, didn’t you? Isn’t that why you stormed off?! When have you ever talked about nudes, or having sex for that matter?” 

Scoffing, you couldn’t believe him. Your face gets warm from the spotlight he has you under. It’s complete disbelief that fuels your next line and you shout over the music, “That doesn’t mean I don’t have sex. I have sex!” 

“Who is having sex?” The baritone voice sneaks up from behind you and a hot hand touches the small of your lower back. You seize up at the physical intimacy, turning around to see Jaemin looking as charming as ever. The pure visual of him has hearts in your eyes.

Mark laughs, not noticing how Jaemin snakes his hand around and rests it on your hip. He pulls you a bit closer so that your body leans against his strong arm. “We were just talking about what happened between you two a couple of weeks ago.”

Jaemin nods, as if he understands the situation completely without much context. He looks down at you and smiles sweetly, “did something happen between us?”

He doesn’t break eye contact with you, barely paying attention to Mark, who you’ve also tuned out of this conversation. The quiver in your voice is obvious and Jaemin’s eyes gleam upon hearing your sudden shyness. “No. You just drove me home.” 

“Yeah, you heard it here first.” Jaemin switches to an excited and peppy demeanor, as if all is well and you two aren’t acting extremely suspicious.

Though, Mark is incredibly oblivious so he isn’t hard to fool. He doesn’t press on and gets pulled off to the side by Haechan to fix one of the speakers, leaving you and Jaemin alone among the drunken party goers. Your throat feels like it's closing in on itself, nervousness building your stomach yet again.

Jaemin swiftly turns you to face him fully, both hands holding your arms as he admires how you’ve dressed up tonight. “I’ve always liked this shirt on you. How have you been? I noticed you haven’t come around lately.”

“I’ve been busy.” You’re as quiet as a mouse, but Jaemin hears you loud and clear. You’re extremely conscious of the two of you openly together for everyone to watch or listen in, but Jaemin’s attention is solely on you.

“Busy avoiding me?” The way he asks is lighthearted. He isn’t trying to instigate the way Mark was, it's playful and unserious, even if the question did hold some genuine curiosity.

“I don’t know.” It’s easier for you to be truthful with Jaemin compared to Mark. After that brief chat in his car, you felt like you could be honest with him as he was with you. As if somehow, that one pivotal night changed the dynamic of your nonexistent friendship completely. 

You feel connected to him. Seen by him. “If I did something wrong to make you want to avoid me, you gotta tell me.” Jaemin begins, sincerity heavy in his round eyes and tone. 

However, you stop him from continuing. “There is nothing wrong with what you did. I liked it, alot. I avoided coming because you make me feel nervous and shy.” Perhaps you are revealing too much too soon, but you can’t help it with the way Jaemin looks at you. 

He grins, “you’ve always been nervous and shy around me. Those feelings never stopped you from coming around before.” 

You’re stunned at how observant he actually is. All this time, you thought you did a good job at keeping those feelings internal. Jaemin and you never shared an extensive conversation before that night, but you didn’t completely ignore him whenever he was in the room.

Whenever you two would be physically near each other, you’d strike up small talk about classes and ask how he’s been – even if you had to build up the courage to say something.

You would always greet him back when he would arrive home or if he appeared from upstairs. There would’ve been no way he could’ve seen how your hands fidgeted or hear your voice shake or when you’d avert your gaze. Right?

But he did. He saw through it all. And it hit you that Jaemin had really been observing you this entire time, beyond a simple notice. “Sure, they didn’t before. This time, things feel different between us.”  “I like when you talk about there being an us.” Jaemin beams, “it’s cute. We never got to have that all this time.” He resembles a happy kid on Christmas day, opening a present that he had been good for all year. It’s hopeful and quite touching that he thought about growing closer to you. 

“Do you feel like it’s different between us?” You ask timidly. The feeling of possible rejection lingers in the back of your heart. This could all be a misunderstanding and you read it all wrong. 

He ponders for a bit, eyes darting to the ceiling and then back at you. “Yes, but not entirely. I think you’ve gotten more comfortable opening up to me, but my feelings toward you haven’t changed.”

Hadn’t Jaemin brought it up, you really didn’t know that your heart opened up as much as it did for him. It was all natural, seamless. He didn’t have to speedrun questions like an investigator to get you to talk, everything just flowed. The second part of his answer did prompt more curiosity rather than something definitive.

How does he feel about you?

As you debated a follow up question, the two of you get interrupted by a small group of people pulling at Jaemin’s shoulder. He is brought back to the swarm of a party and you’re retreating into the background. “Na Jaemin! We’ve been looking everywhere for you.” 

Before he could excuse himself, they whisk him away deep into the dark sea of dancing individuals. Sighing, you’re left with the same emptiness you felt two weeks ago. Mark comes stumbling back, the beer in his hand now nearly finished.

“Are you drunk off of a Bud Light?” You snicker at your friend’s wobbly entrance. Your heart is heavy in your chest, but you let these emotions subside. 

He takes a final drink, “I’m just feeling a little loose. I think it’s finally time you get some.” 

You give in, especially now that Jaemin has reeled you in and left you without any clarity. You need a drink to calm all the nerves that he lit up, ease all the pent up tension he created. 

“Only if it’s not what you’re having.” Mark’s head swishes heavily on his shoulders, peering around to find the man with the alcohol supply. He gestures to Jeno from the opposite side of the room for two shots and you laugh at their silly roleplay.

Jeno walks over and greets you with a smile, realizing he didn’t see you come in this whole time. He pours a dangerous amount of Vodka that overflows out of the small glass. 

“Dude! You suck as a bartender, you’re fired!” Mark giggles drunkenly at Jeno’s heavy hand and clinks the shot glasses. “Best friend shots!” He squeals happily at you.

You oblige, holding your breath for the intake of alcohol. Wincing at the taste, you down the shot as best as you can. It’s dreadful, but somehow your muscles relax and your mind clears from the running thoughts of Jaemin. 

“Another one!” Jeno cheers. This time, he prepares three shots and joins in on the random celebratory atmosphere that Mark established. 

The responsible side is signaling alarm bells to slow down, but the side intoxicated with disruptive feelings of Jaemin is silencing them all. So you think, one more shot won’t hurt.

You’re unsure of how much time has passed. Twenty minutes? An hour? Maybe even two hours. It feels late and early all at the same time. At this point, you’re experiencing a good buzz after the last few rounds of shots with Jeno and Mark.

The liquid courage has you asking for Jaemin’s whereabouts. 

“I think he’s upstairs in the bathroom with someone.” Mark slurs his words, clearly not knowing the magnitude of this information. Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach, a ton of bricks hitting you. You’ve tuned out the booming music and Mark’s words play on a loop.

“When did you see him go up with someone?” You ask again, not wanting to believe Mark’s words. Could it have been one of the people from the group that stole him away? An old fling. A friend with benefits. An ex-lover. An admirer. The list unravels itself like a never ending scroll. 

He shrugs, it’s obvious this man has no actual idea what is going on or how much it's affecting you. “Check for yourself.” The edge of sass in his tone has you feeling challenged. Mark always gets a bit snarky and direct whenever he’s intoxicated.

You’re going back and forth with yourself – stay or find him. If you see him making out with someone else, then what? It would actually hurt you and you only have your own blossoming feelings to blame. If he is alone, then what? Will he finally tell you how he feels about you? Will he finally kiss you? The desire for that is enough drive for you.

And so you go. 

Heading up the stairs, the mess of the party downstairs fades into the background. Your palms grow sweaty as you walk down the long hallway toward the looming bathroom. Light flows through the bottom crack of the door. Not knowing what to expect, you’re just hoping what Mark said isn’t true. 

Your hand holds onto the shiny knob, hesitant to get your ego bruised at the sight of Jaemin with another person. Taking a deep breath, you open the door.

Jaemin is in the midst of zipping up his jeans, the belt around his waist unbuckled. However, he is alone and oddly enough, the sound of the running toilet brings an ounce of reassurance for you. He looks up and your grip relaxes on the knob. 

Upon seeing your figure, Jaemin shakes his head with a sneaky smirk. He goes about washing his hands as normal and says, “we really need to stop meeting like this.”

“Maybe you should try locking the door for once.” 

“I do. Somehow, it’s always unlocked when you’re around.” He sounds so innocent lying through his teeth. Jaemin wipes his hands on the hand towel and leans against the door frame, “now are you actually going to use the bathroom or did you know I’d be here waiting for you?”

Your mouth opens to speak, but no words form. Jaemin’s gaze eats you up again, taking in your attire and dolled up look once more. His playful smile disappears and is replaced with a thin line, his jaw tightening. “So pretty.” His low voice whispers, eyes never leaving your lips. 

Right then and there, the want to kiss him surges throughout your body. There is nothing stopping you from diving into Jaemin, letting him have you utterly and completely. No consequences filter through your head, no other thoughts besides what his lips taste like. It could be the alcohol, but you’re fully drunk off his sultry stare and his feathering touches on your wrist. 

He leans in toward you, head tilting as he inches closer to your face. Closing your eyes, you await the kiss you’ve longed for. Blood pumping in your veins and heart doing somersaults in your chest. 

“Did you drink?” You quickly open your eyes at his question and see Jaemin pulling back. The familiar feeling of disappointment floods your body too well. 

“I took a few shots.” You’re biting the inside of your cheek, trying to not look embarrassed at how badly you wanted him to kiss you. The smell of alcohol is still hot on your breath and you’re even surprised at how composed you’ve managed to be. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t want to kiss you like this.” Jaemin’s tone is sweet, but firm. Although you were nowhere near black out drunk, you understood his sentiments. He wanted to kiss you without any chance of regret. He wants to do it right. 

“I blame Mark for this.” A heavy sigh falls at the end of your sentence. You roll your eyes at the sound of Mark’s voice from downstairs. Regardless of your disappointment, your heart is still burning at how he called you sweetheart. You didn’t know how good it would sound until it left his mouth. 

In a blink of an eye, he quickly kisses your cheek. “That will have to do for now.” Jaemin smiles, wide and toothy.

You don’t have enough time to process, still stuck at the small pet name, as he whisks you back down to join everyone at the party. Your eyes widen, cheeks grow hot, butterflies grow in your lower abdomen, and wild thoughts swirl in your head. All of which didn’t need Jaemin’s nude for these effects to arise. 

“You know, Jaemin has started asking about you a lot.” Mark looks up from his laptop, taking a break from his strenuous essay. It had been a week after the party and everything fell right back into routine. You’d show up to their house as if you never stopped coming around. 

The only difference is that you’re not here to see Mark anymore. You’re here for Jaemin. As clingy and corny as that seemed, you left every day happy that you got to talk to him. The two of you had been texting since the night of the party, mostly brief conversations about your day, but he never forgets to wish you a good morning. 

Whenever you’re at the house, Jaemin would join you and Mark when he’d come home. Initially, Mark didn’t seem to notice that his housemate would linger for as long as you’d be here or that Jaemin would purposefully sit close to you, or those longing stares you two would share across the table. 

It wasn’t until you were drinking water and Jaemin had casually asked for a sip. Then, it clicked. Mark jumped, he pointed fingers, he accused. All of which, you two blinked innocently at him in confusion, Jaemin’s bottom lip touching the rim of your bottle. 

Jaemin and you denied everything Mark tried to throw at you two, given that in all actuality, you two are only getting to know each other. He still hasn’t kissed you on the lips. He still hasn’t really spent time with you alone again, though you are incredibly nervous at that potential idea coming to fruition. 

After the night of the party, you’ve been wondering and waiting for his move. It did bother you the first few days, but his sweet texts always had a grin growing on your face. Jaemin played a very long game. 

“Really? Like what?” You try to hide your undying curiosity. Not looking up from your screen, you pretend to browse through empty tabs to seem like you are too busy to care. But deep down, it has been eating away at you wondering how Jaemin feels.

Mark smirks, “tell me what has been going on between you two and then I’ll tell you.” 

Scoffing, you roll your eyes at his deal. “That just sounds like you’re making shit up.” 

“So there is something going on between you two!” His voice grows louder, a bit more accusatorial. His eyes narrow, “you know I expected secrets from him, but not from you! You’re my best friend.” Mark’s sad pout tugs at your heartstrings.

A sigh escapes your lips and you give him your full attention. It didn’t feel good having to keep things from him, but you thought to wait until something actually happened before saying anything. Nonetheless, since you can’t stand seeing your best friend sad, you decide to just come clean from the beginning. 

“He sent you that nude!?” Mark gasps as you reveal the night Jaemin drove you home. The more you talk about your encounters with Jaemin and your thought process, the more you realize how much you like him. Beyond attraction, beyond his chivalry. A flower has grown from the seed he watered.  

“No wonder why there is this weird tension whenever we’re all together. It’s because you two are literally eye fucking each other across the room.” Mark grumbles, but he lets you finish telling your piece. From the nude to the conversation in the kitchen to the kiss on the cheek. He now knows everything you’ve experienced and how you’re wrapped around Jaemin’s finger.

A part of you prepares for the teasing and the gross kissing noises, but your best friend just nods silently. His stare is blank, like he is trying to process the everything and nothing you’ve been through. Growing nervous, you shift uncomfortably on the couch. 

“Jaemin asked me about your favorite things. He told me that it’s something that would come in handy one day.” Mark clears his throat and can barely look you in the eye, almost embarrassed to share such an intimate question his friend asked about you. “He also asked if I had feelings for you.”

Your jaw drops, heart falling to the pit of your stomach. This is unexplored terrain – the two of you never touched on the topic of potentially becoming romantic. It had always just felt mutually platonic. Sitting up quickly, you lean closer toward him.

He sends a weird stare at your sudden attentive figure. “I don’t, first of all, don’t get too excited here.” 

The anticipation leaves your system, falling back against the cushion and going back to your homework. “I thought you were going to reveal some crazy backstory with the way you’re acting.”

Mark laughs, mockingly. “We’re nearly siblings. I’ve seen every bad part of you, your charm doesn’t work on me.” 

“Well, the feeling is mutual!” You ruffle his hair, messing it up between your fingers as he tries to push you off. A fit of giggles fill the room that the two of you don’t hear the front door open.

When the door shuts, you glance over to see Jaemin stripping his shirt. Cursing under your breath, your eyes remain stuck on all his bare skin. His whole chest and abs glisten with droplets of sweat, veins popping from whatever pump he got from the gym. His track pants hang low, the waistband of his briefs peeking through. 

Mark laughs at how you’re practically frozen over Jaemin. Jaemin looks your way and his familiar, sweet smile greets you. “Hey cutie, did you finish your project?” 

He walks over, his shirt thrown over his broad shoulders. Heat travels across your cheeks, you swear the temperature in the room went up several degrees. You’re batting your eyelashes, but averting any attention from his defined figure as he closes the space between you two. 

Jaemin’s heart swells at the sight of your shy antics. He can’t imagine anyone as cute as you, so reactive to every little thing he does. He doesn’t even see Mark in the room, all he wants to pay attention to is you. 

“Almost. Mark has been distracting.” Maybe your voice naturally gets airy around him, Jaemin just makes you want to twirl your hair and smile all the time. He takes a seat on the armrest next to you. As he crosses his arms, his biceps make their appearance once again – all voluptuous and strong. 

“Oh? How so?” He cocks a curious brow, finally taking a glance over at his housemate. Mark snickers at how differently you react to Jaemin’s casual demeanor. For all he has known, this is how Jaemin is. He’ll walk around shirtless, even pants less, as if it is any normal day. But since Mark kindly warns him that you’re going to be coming around, he complies. 

Now, Jaemin just wants to drive you into delirium.

Your mind is absolutely wiped, there is nothing more distracting than a half naked Jaemin – this you knew too well. As you tremble over your words, Mark saves the day by falsely admitting how he’s been trying to chat with you so he didn’t have to do his essay. 

“Ah, chatterbox. I’m jealous.” Jaemin gets up and spins on his heel, heading toward the stairs. Your body unknowingly leans toward his fleeting figure, a pout tugging at the corner of your lips.

Jaemin’s finger taps along the railing, drawing a trail as he walks up each step. “I wish I got to distract you from your project, talk to you for hours.” 

You’re freaking out internally, trying to decipher if he had just spit out an innuendo or if he genuinely meant it. You fight the urge to completely yell at the top of your lungs how much you’d love him to. Mark also bites back the scream that threatens to escape, not believing what he is a witness to. 

“You can!” Your chirpy, forced tone nearly cracks from your nervousness. “Join us after your shower.” Even if you wanted him alone, you’re willing to settle for moments with Mark in them.

“I’ll come, don’t worry.” No flirtation, no smug smirks, Jaemin gently reassures you that he’ll come back for you. And while the heavy tension in the air dissipates, you’re finding your heart to throb at his thoughtfulness. 

“Dude, you’re so whipped for him.” Mark giggles and you’re throwing a decorative pillow at his chest, very much embarrassed. “I should let you guys be alone, would you want that?”

The second Mark proposes his question, your heart shakes at the possibility of Jaemin and you finally alone again for an extended period of time. It is a nerve wrecking thought, you can feel your pulse racing. Not that you had avoided such a potential situation, but you didn’t really think you would get the chance to. Now that your good friend knows everything, he has the power to help you out. 

“I do.” You’re admitting so much of your vulnerability that Mark actually softens at your tiny request. He nods and packs up his things without any hesitation. “But where are you going to go?” You didn’t want to seem like you were kicking out your friend from his own house.

He brushes off your guilty tone, “don’t worry. There’s a study session happening in 15 minutes for one of my classes.” With that, he slings his backpack over his shoulder and takes a moment to look at you. His facial expression is hard to decipher. 

You stand and he holds your shoulders, “no more secrets.” Mark says with glossy eyes and a small smile. “And use protection.” He laughs, breaking the almost sweet and serious moment you two rarely share. You push him off and roll your eyes, though secretly grateful that you have Mark in your life.

It’s agonizing as you wait for Jaemin to come out of the shower, being completely alone with your hypotheticals and expectations eating away at you. There’s no way you have the capacity right now to focus on your project and homework. Jaemin just consumed every bit of you.

When he finally walks down the stairs, fully clothed and hair freshly blow dried, you pretend again that you’re too busy to notice. He heads toward the kitchen to open a can of Diet Pepsi and makes his way back. Jaemin snuggles up next to you, arm draped around the back of your side of the couch and you’re drowning in the scent of his body wash.

“Mark left?” He sips, his Adam’s apple bobbing and his jaw tightening with each gulp. You’re lost in his seeping aura, wondering how the fuck he looks so good doing something so simple. 

Clearing your throat, you place your laptop on the coffee table and face up at him. He meets your starry eyes and it takes so much in you to not break away. “Study session.” 

Jaemin nods knowingly, leaning forward to also neatly set down his can. Almost immediately, the atmosphere in the room shifts from light hearted to heavy sensual tension. Not that either one of you expected anything to happen, but just being in each other’s presence is suffocating and intoxicating all at once.

Now that you’re finally alone with him, you can’t help all the nerves and flips in your stomach from happening. “I kept you waiting then.” His voice is raspy, causing it to sound deeper than normal. 

Shaking your head, you say the first thing your heart thinks of. “I’m always willing to wait for you.” Jaemin lifts an eyebrow at your statement, noting the shock in your face as soon as it filled the air. His arm snakes around your waist, pulling you onto his lap and you’re maneuvering your legs to straddle him. 

This intimate position has your heart springing out of your chest, thumping so aggressively that you swear he can feel it against his own. His hands are politely placed on your back and he peers up at you with a sultry stare. You’re holding your breath and unsure where to place your hands, losing your wits already at how things have escalated. 

“Is this alright with you? Am I doing too much?” He cautiously asks, ready to set you back down to where he had selfishly pulled you from. 

“This,” Scrambling, tripping, cat’s got your tongue! Jaemin doesn’t realize how your mind has been lit with flames all from this one swift movement. “This is fine. I like this.”

He smirks, “you like being on top of me?” When he asks such a nasty question, you’re too bashful to play along. Jaemin chuckles, “you’re driving me crazy right now.” 

You are? It’s quite unbelievable that any of this has an effect on him. Perhaps he is better at holding back his reactive facial expressions, but Jaemin seems so laid back and unphased. “Me? I’ve barely said more than a few sentences.” 

“It’s not about the quantity, you can say anything to me and I’d be smitten for you.” Jaemin taps your nose, in a loving and endearing way. You’re getting a side of him you’ve never really seen before – this head over heels, heart eyed fool. A part of you craves more of this, feeling special at how he only has eyes for you.

The other part is shocked that you’re even experiencing any of this, how did you get so lucky?

“Jaem, are you going to finally tell me how you feel about me?” When you say his name, his nonchalant attitude almost falters. His ears perk up, eyes alert and a tighter grip on the hem of your shirt. “How did we get here?” 

He purses his lips, contemplating long and hard about how he should go about explaining himself. Your voice is more stern, he can tell you’ve been wanting to get an answer to this for a while.

“I like you.” Jaemin says it so easily, those words roll off of his tongue effortlessly that it surprises himself.

“Since when?” You don’t mean to sound so interrogative, but all this time, this didn’t make any sense to you. Maybe your own lovey eyes blinded you from seeing his feelings or that your own self esteem halted you from believing someone like him could like you back. Nevertheless, this all came about so suddenly for you.

A small smile grows on his face as he thinks back to the first time he saw you. Your timid introduction and you glued to Mark’s side, but none of that could take away from how pretty you looked.

And when he first heard you laugh, like really laugh, he swore he needed to hear it again, and again, and again. Sooner or later, he found your shyness irresistibly adorable and he only wanted to interact with you more, but was unsure about your relationship with Mark.

Ultimately, Jaemin decided to keep his distance because you and Mark seemed more than close. However, the more he pulled away, the more you filled his empty thoughts and daydreams.

Whenever you came around, he found himself happier just upon seeing you for a brief second and hearing your silly anecdotes to Mark all the way from his room. If all you two had exchanged was a small greeting, Jaemin would be satisfied. 

Until the night you stayed for one of their drunk kickbacks, and something inside of him unlocked. A new sense of desire? The introduction of lust and curiosity.

Jaemin noted the way you’d squirm, dig yourself deeper into the cushions, hide your face in your shirt. Your reactions to his friends’ sexual adventures were typical, full of gasps and slight embarrassment, but your eyes were more than telling of your piqued interest. The one thing that he hated was that you never openly shared a single thing, even when asked. 

So, that meant he didn’t either. In a more respectful sense, he normally doesn’t dive into the nitty details as much as his housemates do, but you were such a mysterious person. He wanted to keep himself that way as well, making him as alluring as you were. The art of not knowing, just makes you want to know more. 

And when you would stand up for him against the other boys, that boldness only made you more attractive. Maybe you didn’t want to know about his personal endeavors, regardless, you respected his privacy and were willing to break out of your shell for him.

What other layers of you has he not seen? That caused him to wonder how much he could push you, what other reactions he could draw out of you, and gauge if you had any interest in him. 

In between your nervous stammers and long stares, Jaemin had some inkling that you might be into him. However, he couldn’t tell if that was just his ego deluding his judgment or if it was the actual truth. 

He had something less drastic in mind than you walking in on him in the bathroom. But, he thought if he waited and hesitated as much as he did before, there would never really be another chance. If you were disinterested, it would’ve been a lighthearted mistake and brief awkwardness. If you were interested, then it opens the door metaphorically as well. 

So in the spur of the moment, as he heard your voice and footsteps down the hallway, he quickly unlocked the door. His heart pounded rapidly in his chest as he tried to keep his phone steady.

Act natural. Be cool. Be confident.

He just hoped you couldn’t see right through his desperate act. And when you opened the door and everything that followed after, it was enough to wash away any doubt he had before. 

After dropping you off, he decided right then and there that he was going to pursue you. 

“Would you believe me if I told you it was since the day I met you?” His voice is soft and quiet. Jaemin brushes a few strands of hair out of your face, gently tucking it behind your ear. “I was looking forward to your presence without realizing it. I’d tell Haechan and Jeno how I was excited to hear your voice, even if it wasn’t speaking to me.” 

He could be such a romantic, though this didn’t come too much of a shock to you. You couldn’t believe that you’d be the recipient of it one day.  “Since the day we met. That feels like ages ago.” Your eyes wander off, trying to regain the distant memory. 

You could barely remember the day Mark introduced you to his housemates. It was such a blurry scene, mostly because you were so painstakingly nervous so you tried to bury it in the depths of your mind. The only thing you remember was the tight grip you had on Mark’s sleeve and Jaemin’s gorgeous smile. 

“Why didn’t you try approaching me? Be my friend, get to know me back then?” You ask, a small edge in your tone. Instead of months of googly, heart eyed stares, you two could’ve been acquainted much earlier. Your relationship would’ve been so far along, milestones would’ve already been hit. A thousand kisses would’ve already been exchanged.

Jaemin is well aware of his lack of action, “I wasn’t sure about you and Mark. I didn’t want to overstep and initially, I couldn’t tell if you even wanted to be around anyone besides him.” Now his questions to both you and Mark made sense.

He wanted to be absolutely certain that there would be no conflict. No room for anyone else. No blurred lines. Jaemin wanted to do it right.

“So, me walking in on you in the bathroom… was that an honest mistake?” As all the dots connected and all the lines matched up, you’re replaying all the moments that led up to this point.

He can see the gears turning in your beautiful head and laughs, “like I said, somehow, it’s always unlocked when you’re around.” 

Rolling your eyes, you settle with your own conclusion that perhaps it was in his plans all along to fluster the fuck out of you. As much as you hate to admit it, it worked. Hook, line and sinker. 

“How do you feel?” Jaemin asks, as his knuckles rub lovingly against your cheek. His big hand slides toward your jawline and he firmly cups your face, a quick flicker from your eyes to your lips. 

Intense. That is how you feel. At any second, you are a volcano ready to erupt. All these pent up emotions – lust, fondness, frustration – burst at your seams. All of which is unbeknownst to Jaemin, despite being the very spark of it.

“I feel like you should kiss me now.” Spoken confidently, Jaemin is shocked at your response. You didn’t have to ask him twice though, as he pulled you into him without missing a beat. 

The kiss is slow and cautious, like he is holding back from doing too much, taking too much. He guides your hands onto his collarbones and across his toned chest. Underneath his thin shirt, you feel how strong and defined he is. You’re hesitant at first, unaware of how much you could feel.

Jaemin could sense it, pausing in between your small kisses to take off his shirt. You’re wide eyed, fully shocked at his chiseled body right in front of you. It’s just like how you remembered from his photo, except now it’s not through a tiny phone screen. All on display, Jaemin takes your shaky hands and places them delicately on his broad shoulders.

“Touch me.” It’s all he has to say until your lips are connected again. His hot skin against your fingertips as you’re dragging them down his biceps, moving along all of his exposed terrain. 

Adrenaline fills your system and you can’t even begin to stop all the lustful and romantic feelings that bubble across your chest. So, you fervently kiss him back to signal just how much you want it, how much you wish to be kissed by him.

Jaemin loses it between your sweet touches and your eagerness, both hands now holding your face steady for him to deepen the kiss. The feverish glide of his lips on yours is something unforgettable. It’s inimitable, a passion that solely exists for the two of you. Kissing Jaemin is blissful, like nothing matters more than being here lips locked and hands on his bare chest.

Kissing Jaemin also ruined you. Moving forward, you’ll crave this feeling forever. How are you supposed to kiss anyone else in this world now? How will you ever want to kiss anyone else knowing you’ve experienced this?

You two make out until condensation forms on the outside of his Diet Pepsi can. There is a lingering taste of the soda on his tongue; a taste you once hated so much is now something you can’t get enough of. 

When you’re both finally pulling away, your lips are puffy and Jaemin is catching his breath. He could feel his heart bursting at the sight of your disheveled hair and pouty lips. You’re the prettiest baby he’s ever seen.

He’s staring at you with tiny stars in his eyes, ones that reflect your own. And he breaks the silence, “now we can finally tell Mark we kissed.” A sweet, kind smile appears at the end of his sentence. 

You’re laughing, and Jaemin’s heart flutters knowing he is the reason behind that melodic sound he loves hearing so much. 

“Mark is going to love hearing about this.”

[hyuckiefluff]

dr dreamy | na jaemin

pairing: doctor!neighbor! na jaemin x fem.reader genre & wc: smut, fluff, crack (ish) | 18k summary: in which your infuriatingly hot neighbor ends up getting your box of sex toys delivered to his door by mistake content warning: explicit smut, breast play, oral sex (fem.receiving), brief mentions of sex toy usage, teasing, marking, dry humping, cowgirl (yeehaw), alcohol consumption, monster cawwwk jaemin (i didn’t make this up it’s real) a/n: hiiiii yes yes i know, it’s been forever and ive neglected you all so bad i’m so sorry ! i can’t even use the excuse of being too busy bc i was just in the worst writing slump of my life. but i hope i can make up for all those 10 months of radio silence with this long fic :) also it’s pretty different from what i’m used to writing. for once i wrote it all in lowercase bc i felt like this was lowkey a pretty unserious fic and that was the vibe it required lol it’s also my first time trying to write something “funny” but my humor is not that good still i tried lolz. also i'd like to add that i know as much about doctors as the next person so don't expect much accuracy in that regard. anyways hope you enjoy :)

your leg bounced anxiously as you stared at the photo the delivery guy sent, trying to figure out which door your package had ended up on. every single door in your building was the same plain white with decoration, no plants, no quirky doormat to offer a clue. just a long, boring hallway of identical doors, and somewhere behind one of them was your package. 

"great," you muttered, already feeling the creeping frustration in your chest. 

your phone buzzed in your hand, and you barely had time to glance at the screen before answering. 

"sooo," came minnie's voice, far too chipper for this disaster, "did you like my gift?” 

“i’m gonna strangle you,” you hissed, rubbing your temples. 

“woah, you know i’m not into that freaky shit.” 

“i’m serious, minnie,” you groaned, dragging a hand through your hair. “the package got delivered to a different apartment. you must’ve put the wrong number on it.” 

“no way,” she gasped, already on the defensive. “i literally double-checked. triple-checked, even. it’s apartment 235.” 

"what?” you yelled, nearly dropping your phone.

this can’t be happening. out of all the apartments in your building… it had to be that one?

“minnie…” you took a deep breath, forcing yourself to stay calm, "it’s 236. apartment 236.” 

she paused. “oh.” 

you heard her laugh nervously, and it took everything in you not to throw your phone across the room. 

“minnie…” you groaned, pressing your forehead against the wall. “i swear, if it’s what i think it is based on our last conversation…” your voice trailed off as a sinking feeling settled in your stomach. “my next-door neighbor, minnie. MINNIE. jaemin…oh my god.” 

“wait,” she said, voice sharp with interest. “is that the doctor you said is too hot for his own good?” 

“i did not say that.” 

“you did.” 

“no, i said he’s just… a nice sight for my eyes, okay? in a building full of old people, sue me for appreciating the view.” you rubbed at your face. “but i can’t face him if he saw what’s in that package. i just can’t.” 

“listen…” minnie drawled. “what if he’s into it, though? think about it.” 

“i’m hanging up.” 

“no, wait—” but you pressed the red button before she could finish.  

the most mortifying experience of your 24 years on this planet, and it hadn’t even fully happened yet. but you could see it clear as day: the box, him opening it innocently, and its contents—oh, god, the contents.  

the thing is, you and minnie had a dumb tradition. whenever life got a little too miserable or stressful, you’d send each other gifts. random, stupid stuff. a manga you’d been talking about, or a plushie of your favorite sanrio character. the catch was you could never reveal what it was until it was opened. it was supposed to be a surprise.  

except this time, you were sure minnie’s idea of a "surprise" was directly inspired by your recent rants about being, well… frustrated. as in, the sexual kind of frustration. you had a strong hunch about what she’d sent. 

you sank into the couch, letting out a long sigh. you had two choices: go over there and pray he hadn’t opened it, or stay here and hope the ground swallowed you whole. both seemed equally unlikely.  

as you stared at the ceiling, someone knocked on the door.  

three soft knocks. 

your heart stopped, your body jolting so hard you nearly rolled off the couch. no. no, no, no. not him. please not him. 

you tiptoed to the door like a cartoon burglar, eyes wide with panic. don’t answer. if you don’t answer, he’ll just leave it. you could grab it later. it’s fine. everything’s fine. 

but as you got closer, you heard the softest shuffle from the other side. he was still there. you peeked through the peephole and there he was indeed… jaemin. your very handsome, very distinguished doctor neighbor. standing there, holding your box.  

you backed away from the door like it was about to explode. no, nope, you’d just wait until he— 

you bumped into the side table. hard. and in a moment of unfiltered pain, you yelled, “FUCK!” loud enough to echo down the hall. 

a long pause. 

“hello?” his voice was clear through the door. smooth, polite. 

you shut your eyes so tight you saw stars. letting him think you weren’t home was six feet under now. 

"just get it over with," you muttered to yourself, quickly checking your appearance in the mirror to make sure you didn’t look at destroyed as you felt.

you opened the door with the kind of smile you'd give a police officer who just pulled you over. "oh! good morning, neighbor!" you practically chirped, voice too high, too fake. 

he smiled, sleepy but devastatingly handsome. his scrubs hung perfectly off his frame, and his hair was tousled like he'd just came from a long night shift…which he probably did. he had the kind of face that made you think life has favorites.

“morning,” he said, nodding his head. “sorry to bother you so early, but this…” he held up the box, fingers tapping the side of it. tap tap tap your eye twitched. “this got delivered to my place by mistake.” 

he was so calm. too calm. 

“oh,” you squeaked, your voice barely functional. “uh, yeah! no worries at all! my friend sent it, haha, she’s… forgetful like that. really bad with numbers. haha…” you trailed off. kill me now.

“right,” he said, eyes flicking to the box. “well, here you go.” he held it out to you. 

you reached for it but your hands, slick with nervous sweat, betrayed you. the box slipped.  

“oh no-”  

thud.

everything.  

everything spilled out.  

time slowed. your heart dropped straight into hell. 

boxes. bottles. wrappers.  

and then the pièce de résistance.  

a sex doll. 

a life-size, anatomically correct, male sex doll.

you didn’t know what kind of sound you made, but it was something between a gasp and a whimper. your knees hit the floor as you scrambled to grab everything wishing you could somehow erase the last five seconds of reality.  

“oh my god,” you whispered, cramming the boxes into your arms. “oh my god. oh my god.”  

“uhm,” he cleared his throat and you didn’t even have to look up to know what kind of face he was making. there were no words for this. none. zero.  

“thank you for bringing it to me! bye!” you choked out, voice cracking on the last syllable as you grabbed what you could and slammed the door shut with the force of a hurricane. 

you pressed your back to the door, sinking to the floor, arms full of colorful boxes of shame. you stared at them.  

a vibrator. a bottle of lube. a very, very anatomically correct doll still half in its box.  

"minnie." you said her name like a curse.  

your phone buzzed. it was a text from her. 

minnie (6:18am): how’d it go?  

“hell,” you muttered, tossing your phone across the room. 

you sat there for what felt like hours, the weight of embarrassment crushing down on you. moving out suddenly seemed like the only reasonable option. scratch that, you were moving countries. or planets. was mars habitable yet?

♡ ♡ ♡

for the next few days, life was nothing short of miserable. you called in sick to work because there was no way you could leave your apartment and risk running into jaemin. the idea of seeing him again made your stomach twist into knots. to anyone else, it might seem dramatic—after all, owning sex toys wasn’t some scandalous crime—but the sheer context of it all was unbearable. 

the cherry on top was that the box had clearly already been opened. jaemin had definitely seen what was inside before you’d even dropped it. and the fact that he just pretended everything was normal while standing there with a straight face? it was almost worse. no, it was worse. because now he probably pitied you for dropping it in front of him even after he tried to save you from the embarrassment. 

you groaned, burying your face into the couch cushions. where was the armageddon when you needed it?

you hadn’t left your spot in the couch days, and your body was starting to hate you for it. your back ached from the awkward angle you were lying in, and your stomach growled because you’d panic-eaten the last of your food last night. 

“this is pathetic,” you muttered, grabbing your phone. 

after scrolling aimlessly for a few minutes, you reluctantly opened your food delivery app. you ordered enough food for at least two days and prayed the delivery guy would bring it to your door. but of course, life hated you, so when you got the “can’t find parking” text, you sighed loudly. 

“naturally,” you mumbled, dragging yourself off the couch. 

you threw on the most disguising outfit you could find: a black beanie, your puffy winter coat, and oversized sunglasses. did you look like a wannabe celebrity trying to dodge the paparazzi? sure. but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

you texted the driver a quick be right down and bolted to the elevator, keeping your head low. 

when you reached the parking lot, you practically snatched the bag out of the driver’s hands and mumbled a quick thank you before rushing back inside. you were so close to safety now. 

you stepped into the elevator and leaned against the wall, finally letting out a sigh of relief. but, as fate would have it, you celebrated just a tad too soon. 

just before the doors closed, a hand shot through the gap. you froze. 

you smelled him first.

that cologne. you’d know it anywhere. 

your heart sank as jaemin stepped into the elevator, looking unfairly handsome as usual. you, on the other hand, looked like a fugitive. 

“good afternoon,” he said politely, his voice calm and smooth. 

“hi, uh…afternoon,” you mumbled, holding the bag of food up to your face like a shield. maybe if you hid behind it long enough, he wouldn’t notice it was you. 

“y/n?” 

shit. 

you glanced at him reluctantly, offering an awkward laugh. “oh, hey, jaemin… didn’t realize it was you.” you pushed your sunglasses up onto your head. “these things are so dark.” 

he chuckled, tilting his head slightly. “didn’t recognize you either. are you coming from an event or something?” 

you blinked at him, realizing how ridiculous your outfit must look. “oh, no, i—uh… i have a cold,” you stammered. “just trying to stay warm, you know?” 

“ah,” he nodded, his expression softening. “well, you should rest up. drink plenty of water and maybe some tea with honey, it helps soothe your throat. oh, and—” 

he started rattling off doctorly advice and you could only stare at him, dumbfounded. because, of course, not only was he handsome, but he was kind, too. unfair. completely unfair. 

“thanks,” you said, cutting him off before he could get too deep into his list of remedies. 

he smiled at you again, and for a moment, you swore your heart skipped a beat. “i was actually a little worried,” he admitted, leaning against the elevator wall casually. “i haven’t seen you around the past few days.” 

“oh. uh… yeah,” you said weakly, shifting the food bag in your hands. “just been laying low, don’t wanna get anyone sick.” 

“i see,” he said, his tone light but teasing. “you’re not hiding from me, are you?” 

your eyes widened, and your breath caught in your throat. was it that obvious?

“what? no! why would i be hiding from you?” you forced out a laugh, but it sounded fake even to your ears. 

he raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching like he was fighting a grin. “hmm. just checking.” 

“yeah, it’s because of the cold” you muttered, fidgeting with the handle of the food bag. “it’s nothing serious, though. i appreciate the concern.” you tried to sound nonchalant, but the tremor in your voice betrayed you. 

“good to hear,” he said, his eyes still on you. “but still, if it doesn’t get better in a few days, you should probably see a doctor.” 

“right. definitely,” you nodded quickly, eyes glued to the little numbers above the elevator door, silently willing them to move faster. 

but of course, the universe hated you lately. the elevator suddenly jerked to a stop, too soon for your floor. you flinched, and before you could even begin to hope it was just a regular stop, the overhead lights flickered once, then twice, and then… nothing. 

darkness. 

“oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” you groaned, tilting your head back against the cold elevator wall. 

“well,” jaemin’s voice came through the darkness, and you could hear the grin in it, “this is bad timing, huh?” 

“this is my villain origin story,” you muttered, crossing your arms as you slid down to sit on the floor. “this is how i finally snap and become one of those people who yell at customer service workers.” 

he laughed, and you hated how nice it sounded. like melted chocolate. warm, smooth, and way too easy to get addicted to. 

“guess we’re stuck for a bit,” he said, sitting across from you. you could only make out the faintest outline of him in the dim emergency lighting. “not a bad person to be stuck with, though.” 

“yeah, lucky you,” you deadpanned, cradling your bag of food. 

there was a pause. not an awkward one but it felt somewhat intimate and you didn’t like it. not because you felt uncomfortable but because you were scared of embarrassing yourself further.

“hey,” he spoke up again, softer this time. “about the other day…” 

no. absolutely not. this was not happening. 

“nope,” you cut him off, waving a hand like you could physically swat the topic away. “we don’t talk about that. ever.” 

“but i think we should—” 

“we don’t, jaemin,” you said firmly, pointing at him like a scolding parent. “it never happened. you never saw it. i never dropped it. in fact, none of it exists. it was a shared hallucination caused by gas leaks in the building. that’s my story, and i’m sticking to it.” 

he snorted, hiding a laugh behind his hand. “gas leaks?” 

“yep. toxic fumes. real health hazard,” you nodded, doubling down. “you should probably get management to check that out, doctor.” 

“i’m a neurosurgeon, not an HVAC technician,” he shot back, amused. 

“same difference,” you muttered. 

another pause. you could feel him looking at you, even in the dimness. 

“for what it’s worth,” he started slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully, “i wasn’t judging you.” 

“good,” you mumbled, picking at a loose thread on your coat. “because i’m not like ashamed of it, just… mortified, you know?” you finally glanced up at him, feeling a little braver in the low light. “there’s a difference.” 

he nodded, eyes warm and understanding in a way that made your chest ache. “there is.” 

you sighed, letting your head fall back against the wall. “i’m moving. i’ve decided.” 

he laughed, full and bright. “you’re not moving.” 

“i am, actually,” you insisted. “gonna change my name, get a new identity. maybe move to the mountains. live off the grid. it’s the only way.” 

“you’re ridiculous,” he said, still grinning. 

“you say that like it’s news.” 

silence settled over you both again, but this time it was lighter. less suffocating. you could hear him shift, stretching his legs out in front of him. he tapped his fingers against his knees like he was keeping time to a song only he could hear. 

“so,” he said after a beat, voice low and casual. “was that, uh… the first time you ordered something like that?” 

your whole face went hot.

“jaemin,” you warned. 

“what?” he asked, the picture of innocence. “just curious.” 

“don’t make me call those toxic fumes back in here,” you threatened, pointing a stern finger at him. 

he threw his head back laughing, and despite yourself, you smiled too.

"fine, i won’t bring it up anymore,” he said with a tired smile, rubbing the back of his neck. his fingers pressed into the muscle there, and he winced slightly. 

“you okay?” you asked, glancing at him with concern. 

“yeah, just a long day at work,” he replied, rolling his shoulder like it’d been bothering him for hours. 

“yeah, i can imagine. the life of a doctor must be pretty hectic,” you said, eyes flicking to his hands as they worked over the tense muscle. “but you gotta know your limits too… you’re not made of steel, you know.” there was a hint of worry in your voice, and you tried not to let it show too much, but judging by the way he glanced at you, he caught it. 

he looked at you for a moment, longer than usual, before nodding. “you’re right,” he let out a short breath. “i guess i’ve been burying myself in work lately. but it’s hard not to when it’s this time of the year… i’m a pediatric neurosurgeon and too many kids get sick and hurt during the summer.” 

“oh, definitely. i’m not even a kid and i always get sick in the summer,” you joked, hoping to lighten the mood. 

he laughed at that, his grin easy and genuine. “never too late to have fun during the summer,” he said, leaning back against the elevator wall. “just not too much fun. can’t party too hard with a cold.” 

“do i look like the kind of person who parties too hard?” you raised an eyebrow at him. 

“hmm,” he tilted his head with a slight (cute) pout. “i wouldn’t know. we don’t know each other that well.” he glanced at you, eyes flicking over you just once before smirking. “but you’re young and pretty, so why not?” 

your heart stumbled in your chest, and you fought to keep your face neutral. did he seriously just call you pretty so casually like it was a fact of life?  the dim lighting of the elevator became your saving grace, hiding the warmth that crept up your neck. 

"want a piece?" you asked, anxiously trying to change the subject, raising the bag of fried chicken in your hands. you shook it lightly to emphasize. "i have a feeling we're gonna be stuck here for a while, and it's still warm."

he raised an eyebrow, his grin widening into something a little playful. “don’t mind if i do.” 

he moved closer, close enough that your shoulders almost brushed, and you set the bag down in front of you both. “dig in,” you said gesturing with your hands toward the chicken.

“so… you’re a doctor…” you said after a couple minutes of eating in silence. 

“last time i checked, yeah,” he replied, glancing over at you with a faint smile. 

“so why’d you move into this shabby building with elevators that haven’t been serviced since the stone age?” you asked, pausing to tear into a chicken wing with zero grace or subtlety.

he stared at you, and you couldn’t tell if it was because of your question or the feral way in which you were eating. 

“i’m a resident, so i don’t make nearly as much as people think. plus, med school debt is no joke. this place fit the budget.” 

“oh,” you muttered, suddenly feeling a little awkward. “sorry if that sounded kinda judgy. people tell me i’ve got a chronic case of big mouth syndrome.” 

“it’s fine,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “at least you’re honest.” 

“what about you?” he asked, tilting his head toward you. 

“me? oh same story, different font. drowning in student debt, and this place was… available,” you said, popping another wing into your mouth. 

he nodded, and after that, the conversation picked up, flowing so naturally you forgot you’d technically only been speaking to him for a week. before that you had only shared neighborly greetings in the hallway.

you didn’t even realize how much time had passed until the elevator jolted suddenly, the lights flickering back on with a low, mechanical hum. 

by then, the bag of chicken was empty, and you knew more about jaemin than you ever expected to learn in one night.

♡ ♡ ♡

“i thought elevators had some kind of emergency backup power for blackouts,” minnie said, her face pixelated on your phone screen. 

“yeah but this building’s like 60 years old,” you muttered, adjusting the camera so she could see you better. you were sitting on the floor, painting your toenails a fresh shade of lavender. “the fact that it even has an elevator is a miracle.” 

“true, true,” minnie nodded, chewing on a piece of candy. her eyes lit up suddenly. “by the way, why does your sexy doctor live there? i thought doctors were supposed to be loaded.” she propped her chin on her hand. 

“he told me he just started his residency,” you explained, blowing gently on your freshly painted nails. “and he just started a new job at the hospital. they don’t get paid that well when they’re starting out.” 

“hmm,” she hummed knowingly. “so you spend a few hours stuck in an elevator with him, and suddenly you’re an expert on the medical field, huh?” 

you rolled your eyes so hard it was a wonder they didn’t get stuck. “it’s called having a normal conversation, you should try it”  

“i’m just saying,” minnie teased, tossing a gummy bear into her mouth. “you went in there hiding from him, and you ended up sharing chicken and life stories. i see you.”  

“there is nothing to see,” you shot back, tossing a pillow at your phone screen like she could actually feel it.  

“mm-hmm,” she hummed, leaning forward “so, did he mention it?”  

“mention what?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.  

“the box,” she said ominously, dragging out the word like it belonged in a horror movie trailer.  

you froze. “he tried to,” you admitted, tapping your fingers on the pillow in your lap. “but i shut him down real quick.”  

“oho, look at you,” she said, leaning back impressed. “miss assertive, didn’t think you had it in you.”  

“i have more pillows to throw, minnie. don’t test me.”  

“yeah, yeah, violent tendencies aside,” she waved you off, completely immune to your threats. “i hope this new confidence means you’re finally putting my gifts to use.” she tilted her head with the most innocent smile, which made it all the more sinister.  

your face went hot. so, so hot.

“i haven’t,” you lied, voice a little too high.  

“liar,” she sang, leaning closer to the camera. “i can see your shifty eyes. you definitely tried it.”  

“okay, fine, i did!” you snapped, throwing your hands up. “but it was a disaster.”  

minnie perked up with curiosity. “oh?”  

“yeah, oh,” you repeated, scratching your head. “it just… didn’t hit. it felt weird and i got frustrated, so i just gave up. plus i don’t know where you got that vibrator from but it almost burned my girlypop”  

“rookie mistake,” she sighed shaking her head dramatically. “that’s why you need someone with experience to help you out.”  

your brows furrowed. “what are you even saying right now?”  

“i’m saying,” she grinned like the devil himself, “that you have a perfectly qualified medical professional living right next door. i’m sure dr. mcdreamy wouldn’t mind giving you a consultation.”  

you blinked once. “minnie, you’re actually sick in the head.”  

“oh, please.” she tossed her hair over her shoulder, rolling her eyes. “he’s hot, he’s single, and you’ve already done half the work. you were sitting there eating fried chicken, and you’re telling me he kept throwing compliments at you? we all know you eat chicken like a truck driver, and he still thought you were pretty. use your resources, babe.”  

“he was hungry and stuck. he was probably grateful i offered him food. what else was he supposed to do?”  

“it’s so much more than that,” she said, holding up a hand, a clear signal for you to shut up and pay attention.  “i know when a man is laying the foundation and trust me, he’s building a whole mansion with your name on it.”

“you’re fully overreacting right now.”

one of minnie's strengths was that she wasn’t one to give up easily. but that also ended up being one of her flaws. you knew for a fact she wouldn’t drop this jaemin thing until she proved he had a thing for you.

“seriously, though,” she continued, leaning in so close her face was the whole screen. “he’s a doctor which means he’s like literally obligated to help people. it’s in the oath or something.”

“your point is..?”

“you know” she raised her brows suggestively “experienced hands, medical precision, and he owes you one for that chicken dinner. it’s the perfect setup.”

“you’re insane… like actually seek help.” you shook your head, trying to sound firm, but you were laughing too much to sell it.

“i’m serious,” she laughed along, “you literally blush whenever you talk about him. oh and you can’t even say his name without smiling.”

“that’s not true,” you said, shifting your position on the couch like that would somehow make your denial more convincing.

“mmhm,” she squinted her eyes, clearly not believing you.

“and for the record,” you added, jabbing your finger at the screen, “not every attractive man i meet is getting sexualized in my head. i’m not a beast.”

“no, you’re just a liar,” she shot back with a wide grin. “be real for like two seconds. i can see you smiling so hard right now.”  

“you can’t see anything,” you said, voice sharper now. “it’s the pixelation. your wifi is ass.”

“nice try,” she said, drawing out the words. “i know a bashful grin when i see one.”

“you stress me out,” you muttered, twisting the cap back on your nail polish with a little too much force.

“and yet, you call me every day.” she propped her chin on her palm, smile pure menace.

“i guess i’m a masochist,” you sighed, leaning back on the couch. “tragic, really.”

“mmhm, tragic is right,” she said, eyes narrowing into little crescents. “because now i’m gonna be your maid of honor at this wedding i didn’t even prepare for.”

“goodbye, minnie,” you deadpanned, reaching for the end call button.

“goodbye, future mrs. mcdreamy.” she winked at the camera, and before you could curse her out, she hung up.  

you sat there for a second, staring at your phone’s home screen, lips pressed tight.  

delusional.

she was delusional.

but that didn’t stop you from thinking about jaemin’s stupid grin. the way he’d looked at you while eating fried chicken, casual but present, like he was really there in the moment with you. the way his eyes lingered, just for a second too long.  

you shook your head, shoving the thought away like minnie’s words had wormed their way into your subconscious.  

nope.

you capped the nail polish, shoved your phone aside, and focused on literally anything else.  

♡ ♡ ♡

over the next few days, something shifted. not in a big, dramatic way but in a way you could feel.  

jaemin wasn’t just the polite neighbor you exchanged pleasantries with in the hall anymore. now, every time you saw him, there was this unspoken acknowledgment hanging in the air like: we shared fried chicken in a broken elevator for three hours.

 this new attitude towards you was giving you whiplash. he was… extra friendly now. he smiled more, spoke to you first, acted like you were both in on some kind of inside joke. it wasn’t bad… but it wasn’t normal either.  

“morning, y/n,” he’d say as you both waited for the elevator, eyes crinkling like he’d already thought of something funny.   

“morning,” you’d reply, your gaze locked firmly on the floor. the tiles were suddenly fascinating. 

but then you’d catch the faintest trace of his cologne—the same one you’d inhaled way too much of in the elevator—and suddenly, the tiles weren’t so interesting anymore. so you’d try to sneak a glance or two, and when he wore his doctor’s coat and glasses, you couldn’t help but ogle. he was so ridiculously handsome. everything about him practically begged for you to admire. his sharp jawline, his dark eyes framed by impossibly long lashes, his lips always pink and effortlessly moisturized, his hair neatly trimmed in the back but just a bit longer in the front, falling perfectly right above his thick brows.

and he had the most captivating smile, so white it almost blinded you, and despite thinking he was the serious type at first, you quickly realized he was incredibly expressive. he communicated so much with just his brows, and it seemed impossible for him to speak without a subtle smile tugging at the corners of his lips. like what was so funny? that you were crushing hard on him and it was kind of disrupting your life?

he was also too relaxed around you. way too relaxed. how was he so calm when he’d seen you in your most unhinged states? meanwhile, you could still feel the ghost of that moment hovering over you like a neon sign flashing "dildo girl spotted."

the third time you ran into him that week, you almost turned around to take the stairs, but you weren’t fast enough.  

“caught you,” jaemin said as soon as he spotted you, his grin sharp but not unkind. “thinking of bailing on me?”  

you paused like you were actually considering it. “don’t flatter yourself,” you said, walking forward like you’d planned to all along. “the stairs are just bad for my knees.”  

“oh, is that right?” he asked, stepping aside with a sweep of his hand. "good thing elevators exist, huh?”  

“lucky me,” you muttered, slipping inside. he followed right after, too close for comfort but not close enough to call him out on it.  

“lucky me,” he added, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, head tilted just so. "would’ve missed you otherwise."  

you had to bite back the cough that almost escaped when he said that, his lazy smile firmly in place like always.

you glanced at him, squinting. "what's with you lately?"  

“what do you mean?”  

“this,” you gestured at him vaguely. “all this… talking. you weren’t like this before.”  

“maybe i just needed an excuse,” he said with a nonchalant shrug “and three hours in an elevator with you was a pretty good one.”  

you blinked, momentarily at a loss. what were you even supposed to say to that?  

“did you rehearse that?,” you muttered, turning away before he could see the corner of your mouth twitch.  

“why, is it too corny? but you’re smiling,” he pointed out, you could hear his smile.

“no, i’m not.”  

“you are,” he said confidently, leaning in just a little like he was trying to see it up close. “it’s cute.”  

you flinched back, eyes wide. “don’t say that.”  

“why not?” he grinned wider, clearly pleased with himself. “it’s true.”  

“oh my god.” you turned so far away from him it was a miracle you didn’t phase through the wall. “stop talking.”  

“can’t,” he said, all too happy to keep going. “we’re closer now. shared chicken trauma and all that.”  

“that is not a thing.”  

“it is,” he nodded confidently. “you can’t just sit in a powerless elevator with someone for hours and pretend you’re strangers afterward. that’s, like, scientifically impossible.”  

“scientifically impossible?” you repeated, eyebrows raised. “you’re making things up.”  

“and here you are listening to all of it,” he shot back, tilting his head toward you, his gaze a little too sharp. 

checkmate.

you opened your mouth, ready to respond, but your brain was buffering.. 

"that’s what i thought," he said, his voice low and too satisfied, just as the elevator dinged.  

the doors opened. he didn’t move right away, gaze lingering on you as if he was waiting for something…or maybe just seeing how long you’d hold it.  

“you talk too much,” you muttered, stepping out with your head high like you had the upper hand.  

“I think you like it,” he called after you, the amusement in his voice so obvious you could practically hear the grin on his face.  

your heart did that annoying skip thing, and this time, you didn’t have an excuse for it.  

♡ ♡ ♡

things only got worse after that.  

jaemin, apparently, had decided that you were fun to mess with now.

he wasn’t over-the-top about it, though. no, he was too smooth for that. he played it cool, weaving little comments and actions into your interactions. a smile that lingered too long, leaning in just a little too close when he asked a question, throwing casual compliments like they didn’t mean anything.  

it was unfair, really. he’d gone from the quiet, polite neighbor, the one who worked long shifts at the hospital and mostly kept to himself,  to an actual menace in the span of three days. and somehow, you were the target of all of it.

the first time it happened, you brushed it off as coincidence. the second time, you thought maybe he was just being nice because you shared food with him so perhaps he thought that he owed you. by the third time, you realized: this man was having fun at your expense.

“new hair?” he asked casually one evening as you struggled with your keys outside your door.  

you froze, glancing up at him in confusion. “what?”  

“your hair,” he repeated, nodding toward you. “looks good.”  

your brows furrowed. “it’s the same as always,” you muttered, turning back to the lock that was absolutely refusing to cooperate.  

“huh.” he tilted his head, as if he were genuinely surprised. “then i guess it’s just you.”  

what does that even mean?!

your hands fumbled, and the key slipped from your fingers, clattering to the floor.  

jaemin’s laugh was soft but unmistakably amused. “you okay there?”  

“don’t you have patients to save or something?” you snapped, crouching down to snatch the key off the ground before he even had the chance to get it for you.

“off duty,” he shrugged, leaning against the wall next to you. his smile had that easy confidence you were beginning to associate with him now. “but i’ll step in if you need medical attention. emotional support counts too.”  

you groaned so loud it echoed in the hallway. “i swear, i liked you better when you were quiet.”  

“oh, you like me?” he asked, his grin widening just enough to make your stomach flip in protest.  

“past tense,” you shot back, finally shoving the key into the lock and turning it with more force than necessary.  

“if you say so,” he replied, drawing out the word like he didn’t believe you for a second.  

“you’re insufferable,” you muttered, turning around with your key in hand, gripping it like a weapon. “how do you live with yourself?”  

“one day at a time,” he replied, dead serious.

you shot him a glare as you finally shoved the key into the lock. it turned smoothly this time.  

“maybe you should try it,” he added, just as you opened the door.  

“try what?” you asked, already regretting engaging.  

“living with me,” he said, like it was the most natural thing in the world. he even had the audacity to wink.  

you nearly slammed the door in his face.  

“goodnight, jaemin,” you snapped, stepping inside.  

“sweet dreams, love,” he called after you, his voice warm and smug in a way that lingered.  

you closed the door, locked it, and leaned your head against it with a groan that could only be described as deep emotional fatigue.

“then i guess it’s just you.”

you stayed pressed against the door for a little too long, thinking about it.  

he’s the worst.

the absolute worst.

♡ ♡ ♡

then came the visiting.  

you heard a quiet, rhythmic knock knock knock on your door one night. not frantic, not loud just steady enough to make you pause in the middle of scrolling through your phone.  

you frowned. minnie wasn’t the “surprise visit” type, and you definitely hadn’t ordered food. so who…  

when you opened the door, he was right there. 

jaemin.

he leaned against the doorframe, one arm propped against it, the other tucked into his pocket. his posture was relaxed, but his eyes sparkled with that familiar glint of mischief.

“what do you want?” you asked, gripping the door like it was a shield between you and whatever ridiculousness he was about to say.  

“so rude,” he said, mock-offended, though the lazy grin on his face betrayed him. “you invite a guy to share fried chicken once, and suddenly you’re heartless?”  

“oh, please.” you stepped back slightly, but you didn’t close the door. “i offered it. don’t act like i saved you from a tragic famine.”  

“true,” he agreed, his gaze dropping for a split second, flickering over you like he was trying to catch you off guard. “but since you brought it up, i was thinking about how we never got dessert.”  

you blinked, thrown off by the randomness. “what?”  

“dessert,” he repeated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “fried chicken’s great and all, but it’s not a complete meal. we missed out.”  

“and what, you came to my door at 9 pm to tell me that?”  

“yep.” he rocked back on his heels, completely unbothered. “i figured you owed me by now.”  

“owed you?” you repeated, narrowing your eyes. “for what, exactly?”  

“emotional support,” he said, grinning like he’d been waiting for you to ask. “that elevator ride? life-changing experience. bonded for life. it’s only fair you buy me dessert.”  

you tried to fight it. you really did. but the laugh slipped out anyway, betraying you.  

his grin widened, the kind that wasn’t just smug… it was triumphant.  

“fine,” you sighed, grabbing your phone off the counter. “but you’re paying next time.”  

“next time?” he echoed, his voice tilting upward just slightly. he leaned forward, close enough that the space between you suddenly felt smaller. “so you’re already planning our next elevator date?”  

oh, this man.

“don’t push your luck,” you muttered, pointing a finger at him while you tapped through your food delivery app. “i might close the door on your face next time.”  

“you like me too much to do that,” he said softly, and this time his tone wasn’t teasing.  

it was smooth, confident, and just low enough to make you glance up without thinking.  

your thumb hovered over your screen for a second too long before you forced yourself to break eye contact. you picked the first dessert you saw just to escape the moment and right before you got to pay he snatched the phone from you and put in his card details.

“so annoying,” you muttered.  

“gentlemanly,” he replied easily.

“you’re lucky i’m too tired to throw you out,” you shot back, already regretting how much you were letting him get away with.  

“lucky?” he asked, smirking. “i’d say you’re the lucky one. who else brings dessert and great company?”  

you groaned, loudly, just to drown him out.  

♡ ♡ ♡

thirty minutes later, you were sitting side by side on your couch, barely an inch between you, sharing a container of chocolate lava cake like it was the most natural thing in the world.  

“don’t hog it,” you grumbled, jabbing at his hand with your spoon when he took an extra-large bite.  

“it’s called portion control,” he argued, entirely unapologetic as he went for another.  

“it’s called stealing,” you shot back, scooping up a bigger piece just to even the playing field.  

“maybe,” he said, glancing at you with that maddening grin. “but you’re letting me get away with it.”  

“only because i don’t want to waste food,” you countered, though your voice lacked the conviction you wanted it to have.  

he leaned back slightly, his shoulder brushing against yours in a way that felt too casual to be an accident.  

“you’re really bad at lying, you know that?” he said, his voice dropping just enough to make you pause.  

you turned to glare at him, spoon still in hand, but the words caught in your throat when you saw the way he was looking at you.  

he wasn’t grinning anymore. not exactly.  

it wasn’t a smirk or a joke or one of those teasing little quips he always threw your way. it was… softer. almost curious.  

your heart stuttered before you could stop it.  

“and you’re annoying,” you said again, but this time it came out quieter.  

his lips twitched, like he was holding back a laugh.  

“you already said that but i think it loses meaning when you let me hang out with you for this long,”  he murmured.  

you didn’t reply. you couldn’t. not when the air felt so… different.  

so instead, you turned back to the TV, grabbed another spoonful of lava cake, and shoved it into your mouth as an excuse to not say anything.  

he chuckled softly, the sound barely audible over the hum of the TV.  

♡ ♡ ♡

the next few days went by pretty much the same. whenever you bumped into jaemin in the hallway, the parking lot, or even at the local cafe, his eyes would lock on you like a heat-seeking missile, ready to tease you in a way that you hated to admit was starting to feel oddly enjoyable.

but everything escalated the day minnie came to visit you.

it had been a while since you two last saw each other, given that she lived in a different city. as soon as she arrived, you were buzzing with excitement. but you’d forgotten one crucial thing… minnie had a rare, borderline supernatural ability to drive you absolutely insane.

“i can't believe you had a second chicken date with him and still didn’t jump his bones… have i taught you nothing?” she said, exasperated as she popped a handful of popcorn into her mouth. dawson’s creek reruns were playing in the background, and as if that show didn’t depress you enough, minnie’s relentless criticism of your non-existent love life was making it worse.

“it wasn’t a chicken date,” you groaned. “we had cake. and why would i jump his bones when we’ve only just started speaking more than two words to each other like, last week?”

“you don’t get it,” minnie said, turning to face you with the gravity of someone about to lecture you. “a man doesn’t just knock on your door asking you to have dessert with him unless he has a different idea of what 'dessert' is.” she raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“ew, don’t make that face,” you winced. 

“i’m serious, y/n. if you keep shutting down every man that’s interested in you, the only dick you’ll get is that inflatable one i got you.”

“not even,” you sighed, slumping against the couch. “i haven’t taken it out of the box yet. and i won’t. that thing already embarrassed me enough for the next two lifetimes.”

“but if you think about it, if it weren’t for tom, you’d still be secretly crushing on dr. mcdreamy.”

“you did not just name the sex doll tom,” you said, eyes narrowing.

“i think we should at least go out tonight since you’re clearly not gonna put the moves on your sexy neighbor.”

“absolutely not,” you shook your head, pulling the blanket tighter around you. “ i’m not about to waste my night talking to any guy who thinks 'intellectual debate' means arguing about protein powder.”

“okay, harsh… no wonder you’re single,” she muttered as she got up and started tapping away on her phone.

“who’re you calling?” you asked, squinting at her suspiciously.

“there’s only one person who can drag you out of this apartment,” she muttered with a sly grin. "hold on—hello? jake? yeah, guess who i’m with right now?" she paused dramatically, glancing at you with a wicked smile. "your favorite girl, obviously!" she snickered, tilting her phone just enough to snap a photo of you mid-protest. 

“dude, c’mon, i’m in my grandma pjs right now,” you said, pointing at the flowery pajama top you were wearing.

“how about we meet up at the neo club? yeah? awesome, and bring one of your hot friends,” she added, grinning like a cat that just cornered a bird.

she hung up, looking triumphant, but you folded your arms with a scowl.

“there’s no way i’m going out,” you said flatly.

♡ ♡ ♡

you still ended up going out.

but only because they offered to pay for all your drinks, and who were you to refuse such a generous offer?

it didn’t take long to spot jake. he was already stirring up trouble at the bar, his charm dialed up to 100 as he leaned in close, tossing out some line that had the bartender blushing so hard she had to look away just to keep it together.

“ugh, casanovas make me sick,” you grumbled, scrunching your nose as you watched him.

“stop harassing the lady, jake,” minnie said, grabbing him by the collar and tugging him away from the bar. he turned around with a mock-offended gasp.

“excuse you, she was absolutely enjoying that,” he said with an infuriating level of confidence. he wasn’t even wrong—the bartender was still grinning.

“whatever, tiger. look who’s out of her cave!” minnie announced, shoving you forward slightly.

jake’s eyes lit up the second he saw you. he practically lunged forward, wrapping you in a bear hug and lifting you off the ground.

“no way! my y/n! it’s been, what, four years since i last saw you?” he spun you in a small circle before finally setting you down.

“please don’t be so dramatic. we saw each other last year on your birthday,” you laughed, shoving his chest.

“too long for me, babe. you know seeing you is always a treat,” he said, giving you one of those overly saccharine smiles he knew would make you roll your eyes.

“when are you ever not flirting? is that your default mode? is there any way to reset you?” you said, tapping his forehead like you were trying to reboot a broken phone.

“you know you love it,” he winked, and somehow it was both annoying and charming at the same time.

“anyways, where are the drinks i was promised?” you extended a hand expectantly.

“here you go, princess,” he said, handing you a tequila sunrise with a flourish. “and here you go, troll,” he added, handing minnie a margarita.

“i’ll kill you,” minnie slapped his arm hard enough to make him flinch.

“ow, abuse! abuse!” he cried dramatically, clutching his arm as if he’d been mortally wounded.

“you’ll live,” minnie muttered, taking a sip from her glass.

the night was already off to a wild start, and you had a sinking feeling it was only going to get worse.

♡ ♡ ♡

“so you’re telling me the box with all the freaky shit minnie sent ended up being delivered to your neighbor?” jake was practically doubled over, clutching his stomach from laughing so hard. “and he opened it?”

“yeah, laugh it up,” you said, unamused as you swirled the straw in your drink before taking a long sip. you’d lost count of how many drinks you’d had, but the warmth in your chest and the slight buzz in your head told you it was definitely more than a couple.

“if i were you, i would’ve moved,” he said, wiping at the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “i’m trying to think of a time i’ve been that embarrassed and not even my drunkest moments come close.” he shook his head like he genuinely felt bad for you, though the grin on his face said otherwise.

“believe me, i tried to avoid him,” you said, gesturing with your drink in hand. “but somehow, after that, he started sticking to me like gum on a shoe.”

“i’m telling you, he wants you!” minnie slurred, her eyes barely staying focused as she swayed slightly in her seat. clearly, she was the drunkest one at the table, her words carrying that telltale wobble of too many cocktails.

“don’t start with that again,” you shot back, tossing a napkin in her direction. “he doesn’t want me. he just likes messing with me because he figured out i’m an easy target.”

“oh, really?” she said, eyes narrowing like she’d just come up with the most brilliant plan. “then call him right now. and if he answers, put him on speaker.”

“like hell i will,” you snorted, glancing at your phone. “it’s-” you checked the time “…literally 3am. why would i disturb him just to prove your silly little theories?”

“coward! coward!” minnie started chanting, slapping the table. jake immediately caught on and joined her, their voices syncing up in a way that only drunk friends could manage. “coward! y/n is a chicken!” they sang in unison, making sure to drag out the last word obnoxiously.

“ugh, why do i have friends like you two…” you muttered, covering your ears as their chanting grew louder. “okay! fine! stop that right now, i’ll text him. once.” you jabbed a finger in the air for emphasis, giving them both a stern glare that did absolutely nothing to dim their excitement.

“what do i even say…” you groaned, staring at your empty chat with jaemin.

“send him a picture,” jake suggested.

you thought about it for a second, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “fine,” you muttered, lifting your phone. fueled by alcohol and peer pressure, you decided on the classic "oops, wrong person" strategy. you snapped a quick selfie, pursing your lips into a kissy face for maximum effect. you didn’t even care that it was blurry or that you looked very obviously drunk. in fact, that made it funnier. you snickered to yourself as you hit send.

“he won’t reply, guys,” you said confidently, tossing your phone onto the table face-down. but barely ten seconds passed before you heard the unmistakable ping of a new message.

“you were saying?” minnie arched a brow, crossing her arms in mock satisfaction.

“it’s probably just some random notification,” you said with a shrug, but your voice wavered as you picked up your phone. you tapped the screen, eyes widening slightly at the name that appeared.

jaemin neighbor (3:02am): ‘thought you weren’t one to party hard?’ 

the message was punctuated with a little smirk emoji that somehow made it worse.

“what’d he say?” minnie asked, leaning in so far you thought she might topple over.

you barely had time to answer before another message popped up.

jaemin neighbor (3:03am): ‘don’t drink too much though, you’re still recovering from that cold. and don’t let strangers hold your drink.’

your eyes stayed glued to the screen, heart doing an odd little flip that you refused to acknowledge. 

“oh my god, he’s worried,” minnie gasped, hands flying to her face. “he’s literally whipped!” she squealed, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you back and forth with unhinged glee.

♡ ♡ ♡

after seeing jaemin's message, you decided you needed to get drunker to drown out the thoughts swirling in your head. by the time you got back to the apartment, your uber driver had to practically haul you out of the car. you were a complete mess, your feet barely cooperating with the ground beneath you. minnie ended up hitting it off with jake’s friend so she decided to leave with him to do god knows what dirty things.

“woah there!” you yelped as you stumbled, nearly falling backward.

“ma’am, what’s your apartment number?” the driver asked. all you could do was laugh and mumble some random string of numbers that didn’t come close to making sense.

“y/n?” a familiar voice cut through the fog in your mind, sharp and clear like a bell. it almost sobered you up on the spot. he was wearing his scrubs and his tired appearance told you that he was coming back from a long shift.

“mr. doctor is here!” you announced with unrestrained glee, throwing your arms up. the sudden movement made you lose balance, and you tilted sideways bumping into the driver.

“you know her, sir?” he asked, his forehead shiny with sweat, clearly desperate for an exit out of this.

“uhm, yeah, she’s my next-door neighbor. i’ll take it from here, thanks,” jaemin said, stepping in with the calm authority of someone who’s seen this exact scenario a dozen times before. with zero effort, he crouched down and hoisted you onto his back, his hands steady under your thighs to keep you secure.

“wheee!” you squealed, your cheek smushed against the back of his head.

“hold on tight, yeah?” he muttered, his tone dry but fond as he adjusted his grip on your legs.

inside the elevator, you got bold. maybe it was the tequila, maybe it was just you accepting your undeniable attraction to jaemin, but your hands found their way to his arms. you gave his biceps an experimental squeeze and then hummed, thoroughly impressed. “do all doctors got big, muscular arms or just you?” you asked, squeezing again as if conducting a very important scientific investigation.

jaemin’s lips twitched, like he was fighting back a smile. “do you always get this touchy when you’re drunk?” he replied, shifting you slightly higher on his back.

“oh wow, you smell so good,” you said, burying your nose in his hair. “like… like one of those fancy candles you’re not supposed to light cause they’re too expensive.” you giggled against his head, completely oblivious to the way his ears flushed pink at the compliment.

“i told you not to drink too much,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “this is dangerous, you know.”

“sorryyyyyy,” you whined, dragging out the word. “but you know what they say about alcohol… uh, ‘wine before whiskey, you’re feelin’ frisky’?” you squinted, clearly thinking very hard.

jaemin tilted his head, giving you a side-eye full of disbelief and amusement. “that’s absolutely not the saying,” he said, his voice low and warm with a hint of laughter.

“no?” you pouted. “then it’s… ‘drinks before thoughts, memories get lost!’” you declared with absolute confidence.

he let out a full, genuine laugh, his shoulders shaking under you as he carried you down the hallway. “close enough,” he muttered.

♡ ♡ ♡

in front of your door, you squinted at the digital lock like it had personally wronged you. you pressed one button, then another, and frowned when the screen blinked angrily. your brain felt like it had been stuffed with cotton, and trying to remember your code right was harder than trying to solve a riddle while underwater. 

“ugh, whatever,” you groaned, letting out an exaggerated sigh before plopping down on the floor, legs sprawled out.

“what are you doing?” jaemin's voice came from above, and when you tilted your head back, you saw him crouched in front of you, eyebrows raised.

“can’t remember the code, so m’ sleeping here. duh,” you replied with the kind of lazy confidence and lack of urgency only drunk people have. you reached out and booped him on the nose simply because he looked cute like a bunny in your inebriated mind.

he blinked, clearly thrown, before a grin tugged at the corner of his lips. “no, you’re not,” he said, shaking his head. he stood up, offering his hand. “come on.”

“ugh, fiiine,” you groaned, letting him pull you up, though you were basically dead weight. he slipped an arm around your waist to steady you, and the warmth of his hand pressed against the bare skin where your shirt had ridden up. the touch was casual but it sent a sharp jolt of awareness through you. 

you bit your lip to distract yourself from the sudden rush of heat. blame it on the alcohol. definitely the alcohol. 

“i never sleep in a guy’s apartment ‘til…” you held up your hand and started counting on your fingers, lips moving as you mumbled to yourself. “like the 6th date.” 

“that so?” jaemin glanced at you, his voice raspy in a way that made something flip in your stomach. 

“mmhm,” you hummed, leaning your weight against him. “gotta have rules, y’know? safety first.” 

“you’re not wrong,” he replied, guiding you toward his door with slow, careful steps. “but that logic’s got a flaw, don’t you think?” 

you squinted up at him, skeptical. “what flaw?” 

“you’re here with me, and we’re not even on date three,” he said simply, giving you a pointed look. 

you tried to ignore the fact that he considered the elevator and that night at your apartment as dates.

“that’s different,” you countered, waving a hand like that somehow made you right. 

he glanced down at you, eyes sharp but soft in the way they flickered across your face. “how?” 

you blinked, suddenly too aware of the space between you two — or the lack of it. his arm was firm around your waist, and you could feel the rise and fall of his breathing. 

“you tell me, doc,” you muttered, avoiding his eyes. 

there was a brief silence, just the quiet hum of the hallway lights and the soft shuffle of your feet. his fingers curled slightly against your hip, the pressure grounding but gentle. when he spoke again, his tone had shifted — quieter, steadier. 

“i’d never do anything to hurt you,” he said, voice sure like a promise. his eyes met yours, serious in a way that knocked the air right out of your lungs. 

you didn’t have a quick comeback for that one. 

he held your gaze for a moment longer before clearing his throat, eyes flicking away. “anyway,” he said, his voice back to its usual steady calm, “you can sit for a bit. i’ll get you some tea and food, sober you up.” 

“huh?” you blinked, your tipsy mind still trying to catch up after that intense moment you just shared. 

“sit,” he repeated, guiding you toward the couch like you were a stubborn cat. “tea. food. you’ll thank me later.” 

you flopped onto the couch with zero grace, still buzzing from everything.

your head was throbbing, but that wasn’t half as uncomfortable as the rapid thumping of your heart against your chest. it wasn’t normal. it couldn’t be normal. you pressed a hand to your chest like that might somehow slow it down.  

“what is this…” you muttered under your breath, tilting your head back against the couch. 

you were spiraling, no doubt about it. overthinking everything. it’s just jaemin, you reminded yourself. your neighbor. your kind neighbor. of course he’d say stuff like that. he’s a good person, and good people say things like "i’d never hurt you" all the time, right? it didn’t mean anything. didn’t mean a single thing. 

calm down, y/n.

you blew out a slow breath, trying to trick your heart into believing you were unbothered. 

jaemin came back moments later, a cup of tea in one hand and a small plate of buttered toast in the other. he’d ditched his jacket, now in just a fitted black t-shirt and scrub pants. you weren’t sure what was more distracting… the way the fabric clung to his chest and arms, or the way the veins in his forearms stood out as he set the plate down. you stared a little too long, gaze following the flex of his muscles.  

he’s just a guy, you thought, just a guy with arms that look like they were carved out of marble. 

“okay, drink this,” he said, nudging the tea toward you. his voice had slipped into his "doctor tone", soft but firm, like he fully expected to be obeyed. “you’ll feel better. if you feel dizzy or like you’re gonna throw up, let me know. i’ll go shower real quick, and you can shower after.”  

he disappeared into his room before you could respond

you sat there for a second, letting the silence settle around you. without him there, you finally took a proper look at his place. it was weirdly nice for a building as old and shabby as this one. sleek, modern furniture, spotless floors, a faint scent of something woodsy and clean. candles lined the windowsill, and he had an at-home gym tucked neatly in one corner. 

of course he does, you thought, he’s probably too busy saving lives to hit a real gym. 

you bit your lip, remembering the way his arms had felt around your waist. the heat of his skin seeping through the fabric of your shirt. and now, after seeing how built he actually was, it was starting to make a lot more sense. 

“ugh, stop it,” you muttered, shaking your head. it was just the alcohol messing with you. that, and the fact that you were definitely ovulating because there was no way you’d be acting like this otherwise. the combination was lethal. 

you reached for the tea, eager for something to snap you out of your head, but the second you took a sip— 

“ah—!” you yelped, dropping the cup. hot liquid splashed onto the floor, the mug clattering after it. thankfully, it missed your legs but your tongue throbbed like you’d just bitten into molten lava. 

“shit,” you hissed, sticking your tongue out like that might cool it down. 

“what happened?” jaemin’s voice came from the bathroom, sharp with concern.  

“‘s fine!” you tried to call back, but with your tongue still stinging, it came out garbled. “ihz ohkaay!” 

the sound of the shower stopped. you barely had a second to panic before jaemin burst into the living room, dripping wet, a loose towel slung dangerously low on his hips.  

you froze. 

oh.

oh my god.

if this were an anime, you’d have shot out a nosebleed so powerful it’d blast you into another dimension.  

“what happened?” he asked, eyes darting to the mess on the floor, then back to you. he crouched beside you, eyes scanning you likely looking for injuries. water dripped from his hair, trailing down the sharp planes of his face, his chest, his abs… 

his abs.

your gaze locked on the V-line that dipped beneath the edge of his towel, and your brain short-circuited. every coherent thought you’d ever had dissolved on the spot. you didn’t even realize you’d spoken aloud until you heard your own voice. 

“oh my god.”  

jaemin blinked, eyebrows drawing together in worry. “what?” 

“n-nothing!” you stammered, face heating faster than the tea had. you slapped a hand over your eyes like that might erase the image from your mind. it did not. it was burned in.

he frowned, his puppy-dog concern on full display. “i’m sorry, i should’ve warned you the tea was hot.” his gaze shifted to your tongue, still sticking out as you tried to cool it with air. his frown deepened. 

“izzokay,” you said, or at least tried to. with your tongue swollen and numb, it sounded more like “iz okeh, iz my fauwt.”  

“hold on,” he said, his tone dropping into doctor mode. “stay put. you might cut yourself on the glass.”  

he moved with quick precision, ducking into the kitchen and coming back with a towel and some paper towels to clean up. you, unfortunately, had nothing to do but sit there and watch him. and watch him you did.  

the way his muscles shifted under his skin with every movement. the flex of his back, the dip of his hips, the subtle pull of his abs as he crouched to pick up shards of glass. you sat there like a fool, cheeks blazing, unable to look away.  

he could model for anatomy textbooks, you thought, completely mesmerized. like, imagine turning to page 47 and seeing this man labeled as "muscular system: front view."

every part of him moved with that annoying grace certain people just had. the kind of grace that was only possible when you were stupidly, unfairly attractive.  

he wiped the floor clean and tossed the paper towels aside, giving one final glance at the spot to make sure there wasn’t a single shard left behind. then he turned to you.  

“all clear,” he said, standing to his full height. the towel on his hips slipped slightly lower, and your gaze shot to the ceiling so fast you almost got whiplash.  

“thanks,” you muttered, trying to keep your eyes anywhere but there. you still saw it in your peripheral vision. 

he tilted his head, eyes narrowing. “you sure you’re okay?” 

am i okay? absolutely not. your tongue was burnt, your pride was in pieces, and your brain was playing a slow-motion highlight reel of his abs. you were the furthest thing from okay.  

“yep,” you croaked, voice cracking at the end. 

“here you go,” he said, handing you a glass of cold water. “it should help your tongue.”

“thanks,” you mumbled, cradling the glass with both hands. you refused to look directly at him, eyes darting everywhere in the room. the slow drip of condensation on the glass suddenly became the most fascinating thing in the world.

“are you hot? you’re sweating,” he asked, leaning forward, his gaze landing on you with that soft concern he wore too easily.

you nearly spat the water back out. of course you were hot. this whole situation was hot. the room was hot. he was hot.

“it’s fine,” you blurted, shaking your head a little too quickly. “i’ll just shower.”

“yeah, sure. go ahead,” he said, nodding toward the hallway. “bathroom’s the door on the left.”

he glanced down at you, eyes flickering over your dress just briefly. instinctively, you tugged at the hem like that would magically make it longer. you should’ve known minnie was setting you up when she called this look “casually dangerous.”

“your clothes…” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. “they don’t look super comfortable to sleep in, so if you want, i can lend you something.”

there was no reason for your heart to leap into your throat the way it did. it was a normal offer. a completely normal, helpful offer. but your brain decided to be weird about it. suddenly, you were picturing yourself in one of his shirts, fabric hanging loose on you, the scent of detergent and him faintly clinging to it. god, you needed help.

“okay,” you said, trying to sound normal, but it came out too fast.

“i’ll grab them for you,” he said, already heading toward his room.

as soon as he disappeared, you collapsed against the couch, exhaling hard like you’d just survived a boss fight. you dragged your hands down your face, letting out a muffled groan.

“pull it together,” you hissed at yourself.

walking into the bathroom didn’t help. the warmth hit you instantly, soft steam curling in the air. it smelled like aftershave and clean skin, and if there was a single coherent thought left in your brain, it got drowned out by the sensory overload.

“seriously?” you muttered under your breath, tilting your head back with a groan. “what am i, thirteen?”

the mirror was fogged up, so you wiped at it with your sleeve, only to be faced with your own reflection staring back at you like girl, really? you pressed your hands to your cheeks, feeling the warmth that had nothing to do with the steam.

“i’m normal,” you announced firmly to no one but yourself.

except you weren’t, and you knew it. it wasn’t just the alcohol making your brain short-circuit anymore. you were sober now, and this was just you being ridiculous. the neatly folded clothes on the counter didn’t help. a plain white shirt and a pair of sweatpants sat there, fresh and clean.

you eyed the sweatpants, then glanced down at your legs, already knowing how this was gonna play out. still, you gave it a shot, pulling them up your legs after taking a (very) long shower. unsurprisingly, they swallowed you whole, the cuffs dragging behind you. yeah, no. you’d trip over yourself in less than a minute. sighing, you snatched up the shirt instead and pulled it over your head. it slipped down past your hips, the sleeves flopping well past your hands, turning them into little paw-like stubs.

“this will have to do,” you decided with a sharp nod to yourself.

when you finally stepped out of the bathroom, jaemin was lounging on the couch, scrolling on his phone. his gaze flickered up at you, and for a split second, he just blinked, eyes tracking down your frame before quickly darting back to his phone.

“where are the pants?” he asked, lips quirking up just slightly at the corner.

“too big,” you said. 

“hmm” he hummed, looking up and letting his gaze drag just a little slower this time, eyes sharp with mischief. his tongue pressed against his cheek, a lopsided grin threatening to break free. “i see”

if your heart was pounding before, it was in full percussion solo mode now. but you just flopped down beside him, acting like everything was cool, like you weren’t hyperaware of every inch of bare skin peeking out from under the too-big shirt.

you glanced at the clock on the wall — 4:30 a.m. blinked back at you in dim red light. too late to be awake but too early to call it morning. your eyes shifted to jaemin, and you could see the weight of exhaustion hanging on him. his blinks were slower, his body slouched deeper into the couch cushions.  

“jaem…” the nickname slipped out without warning, soft but certain. his eyes lifted to you immediately.

“you can go to sleep. i’m fine,” you said with a small smile, hoping it was convincing. “and… thank you. for everything. you’re too nice to me.”

his gaze lingered on you, steady and unguarded, like he was committing you to memory. then, his lips curved slowly into a smile. not his usual teasing grin but something gentler, sweeter. it hit you square in the chest, and you had to physically fight the urge to lean forward and kiss him.  

you did not win that fight.

instead, you moved on instinct… leaning in and wrapping your arms around him. the moment you did, you panicked. it felt stiff, clumsy, like you’d misread the whole situation. you were just about to pull away when his arms slid around your waist, slow but sure.  

he pulled you in, pulled you all the way in, until you were practically draped over him. your breath caught in your throat, heart thudding so hard you swore he could feel it.  

his head dipped down, face tucked into the curve of your neck. the warmth of his breath hit your skin in soft bursts, and his hold on you tightened just a little more.  

“it’s my pleasure,” he murmured, voice low and raspier than it had been all night. his lips brushed against your collarbone as he spoke, “always.”

good god, you nearly let out a sound you’d never be able to live down. every nerve in your body was on high alert. it had been so long since you’d been held like this.

his nose nudged against your neck lazily. you felt the butterflies in your stomach riot, wings frantic against your ribs.  

“jaem…” you said, but it came out too soft, too breathless to sound like an actual warning.  

“you smell good,” he muttered, voice all sleep and satisfaction. “you always smell good.” he breathed you in.

lord, have mercy.

“i think we should both sleep,” you murmured, but neither of you moved. neither of you even thought about moving.  

“yeah,” he said, voice low and uneven.  

“yeah,” you echoed, but it sounded less like agreement and more like an excuse for staying right where you were.  

he pulled back just enough to look at you, but his arms stayed firmly around your waist. his eyes flickered down to your lips. on reflex, you wet them with a quick swipe of your tongue, suddenly self-conscious. his gaze darkened and you swore you felt the shift in the air.  

“stop me,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

but stopping him didn’t even cross your mind. not when he was looking at you like that. not when his face inched closer, closer…

his lips met yours softly at first, hesitant, like he was waiting for you to decide. you decided quickly. your hands slipped into his hair, pulling him in as you kissed him back with everything you’d been holding in all night.  

he responded instantly. his hand cupped the back of your neck, his fingers threading through your hair to hold you in place, deepening the kiss until it wasn’t soft anymore.

his other hand found your hip, gripping you firmly as he shifted you on top of him, his touch guiding you like he knew exactly where he wanted you to be. dangerous. this was so, so dangerous. 

because you were only wearing that stupidly oversized shirt and the flimsy scrap of underwear underneath it. and when you settled fully onto his lap, you felt everything.

he must’ve felt it too, because his breath stuttered, and a needy groan escaped him, muffled against your lips. you felt it vibrate through your whole body, made you shiver as if he’d pressed his mouth to your spine instead.  

his hand on your hip squeezed, fingers digging in just a little harder. 

the kiss grew messier, wetter, breaths and tongues tangled together in a way that felt far past the point of no return. it didn’t help that his other hand left your neck, sliding down, fingertips trailing along your side before slipping under the hem of the shirt.  

his hand slid up and up until…

he froze the second he realized. his palm pressed against bare skin, no bra, no barrier. you felt his breath hitch at the same moment you heard it.  

“fuck,” he groaned into your mouth, his voice rougher now, heavier. his fingers spread wide, covering as much skin as he could reach, his palm warm and steady against your ribs.  

and when his thumb brushed up, grazing just barely under the curve of your breast, the sound you made was far too needy. his gaze flicked back up to yours. like he was asking. like he was giving you one last out.  

you didn’t take it.  

his hand moved again, bolder this time. his palm slid over the curve of your breast, warm and firm, fingers curling around it as if it belonged to him. you sighed at the contact, eyes fluttering closed as your head tipped forward. it wasn’t enough. you didn’t know what “enough” would be, but it wasn’t this.  

he must’ve felt it too, because his other hand rose to cup your cheek, his thumb stroking your skin in slow, soothing circles. he tilted your face up, and for a moment, you thought he’d kiss you again. you tilted toward him, lips parting, but he had other plans.  

instead, he leaned in and pressed his lips just beneath your ear. the warmth of his mouth sent a shiver down your spine, and before you could even process that, he was moving lower. he kissed his way along your neck, slow and steady, with the kind of patience that made your heart feel like it was on a countdown. 

and then the kisses changed. his teeth grazed your skin, his lips sealed over the spot, and he sucked hard enough to make you gasp. your hands flew up, gripping at his shoulders as he trailed love bites down to your collarbones, marking you in a way that felt possessive, the kind you’d see after he was gone.  

“jaemin,” you whispered, your fingers digging into his shirt. his name barely sounded like a name anymore.  

his only answer was a low hum against your collarbone, his hand still working under your shirt. his fingers traced lazy lines along the sensitive skin beneath your breast, and just when you thought he was going to stay gentle, he pinched your nipple between his fingers.  

you gasped sharply, hips jolting forward on reflex. “oh—”

he didn’t stop. he rolled it slowly between his fingers, feeling out every little reaction you gave him, every twitch and shiver. your body betrayed you, arching into his touch, and the way he smiled against your neck told you he knew exactly what he was doing to you.  

instinct took over before you could think it through. your hips rocked forward against his lap — once, twice — chasing relief from the ache that had been building low in your stomach for too long. you felt the slickness between your thighs, hot and damp, soaking through the thin fabric of your underwear and seeping onto his sweatpants.  

he felt it too. you knew he did from the sharp intake of breath he took, from the way his hands squeezed tighter his fingers digging into your hip, his other hand cupping your breast with just a little more pressure.  

“fuck,” he groaned, head falling forward, his forehead pressing against your shoulder. his hips shifted beneath you, his arousal impossible to miss now. he was hard, and every roll of your hips dragged against him perfectly, making him curse under his breath.  

the heat of it all was unbearable, and you had no one to blame but yourself. but at this point, did it even matter?  

he lifted his head, jaw tight, eyes half-lidded. his gaze flickered from your face to where your hips met his lap, his tongue darting out to wet his lips 

“i don't know how much longer i can hold back…” his voice was strained.  

you blinked down at him, heart thudding hard against your ribs. every nerve in your body felt like it had been lit on fire, but somehow, you still managed to smile.  

“who told you to hold back?”you said, voice soft but sure.  

“shit…” he muttered, his voice low and wrecked. his fingers dug into your hips, guiding them down against him with a deliberate pressure that had your breath hitching in your throat.  

it wasn’t just you moving anymore. he was moving you, rocking you back and forth against him faster, tired of pretending you weren’t both desperate for it.  

your head tipped back as a broken moan spilled from your lips. the friction was too good, just the right amount of pressure to have your thighs trembling. the heat between you had gone from warm to blistering, every grind making you more sensitive, more aware of the damp mess you were both making between his sweatpants and your underwear.  

his eyes locked on you, not wanting to miss a single second of it… the arch of your back, the part of your lips, the way your breath caught every time you sank down a little harder. 

“look at you,”  he breathed, voice rough and half-laughing. “getting this worked up over a little humping”

you leaned forward, pressing your forehead to his. “i’m clearly not the only one,” you shot back breathlessly..  

his lips were back on you in an instant,  rougher than before, all teeth and tongue. his hands slid up your back, under his shirt you were wearing, fingers dragging against bare skin. his nails scratched lightly at your spine, sending chills down your whole body, and you gasped into his mouth.  

he didn’t let you pull away. his lips chased yours, like he’d been starving for this, like now that he’d had a taste, there was no way he was stopping. he tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and your body moved on instinct, hips rolling harder against him.  

“fuck, that’s it,” he groaned, head falling back against the couch as he sucked in a breath through his teeth. his hands slid down to your thighs, gripping them tight as if to ground himself, but all it did was spur you on.  

you leaned forward, trailing kisses down his jaw, his neck, biting just enough to feel him shudder beneath you. his pulse was wild under your lips, and when you grazed your teeth against it, his hips bucked up so hard it knocked the air out of your lungs.  

“you’re making it so hard to be soft right now,” he said through gritted teeth, head tipped back, neck bared for you like an invitation. his eyes flicked down to where you sat on him, where the line between you two had blurred so badly it didn’t seem to exist anymore.  

“then don’t be,” you whispered against his ear, biting down on the lobe just to hear him curse again. “nobody asked you to be soft.”

that was all it took. his grip on your hips tightened, his fingers digging into your skin with purpose. his next move was fast—you were on your back before you could register it, his body hovering over you, his weight pressing you down in a way that made your heart race in your chest.  

his eyes met yours, pupils blown wide, hair falling into his face. he looked like a mess and it was perfect.

“say that again,” he said, voice nothing but gravel and breath. his hands slid up your thighs, pushing them apart, the slow drag of his touch enough to make you squirm. “say it again so i know you mean it.”

your chest rose and fell with each shallow breath, and you reached up, fingers threading through his hair.  

“nobody,” you whispered, tugging his head down just enough to make sure he heard you, “asked you to be soft.”

for a second, he didn’t move. just stared down at you like he’d never wanted anything more in his life than to eat you up.

then he leaned in, and when he kissed you this time, it wasn’t soft or tentative or testing the waters. it was raw, hungry, and so deep it knocked the air out of you. his hands moved with purpose, sliding up your thighs, pushing his shirt higher and higher until the air hit bare skin.  

everything was heat and pressure and need. he was all you could feel, all you could hear — his breath heavy and uneven, his name falling from your lips like it was the only word you knew.  

and when he finally pressed his forehead to yours, eyes squeezed shut like he was fighting to hold himself together, you knew you’d both already lost.

the next thing you know, his hands are tugging your shirt up and over your head, the fabric barely brushing past your arms before it’s gone. the cold air hits your skin for half a second before jaemin’s mouth replaces it, hot and relentless as he traces the curve of your collarbone, his lips dragging lower, slower.

when his mouth finally closes around your right breast, it’s warm and wet and just enough to have you mewling. his tongue flicks over your nipple before sucking it into his mouth, his teeth grazing it just lightly, sending a sharp jolt of heat straight down to your core.  

his free hand slides lower, fingers trailing down your stomach, over your hip, and slipping beneath the waistband of your lace underwear like it’s the most natural thing in the world. he moves without hesitation, fingers seeking out the slick mess waiting for him, and the second he finds it, he lets out a low, rough groan against your skin.  

“god, you’re so fucking wet,” he mutters, pulling off your breast with a slick pop, his breath fanning across your skin. he glances down between your legs, his gaze so heavy you feel it like a touch. his eyes darken, his tongue darting out to wet his lips like he’s hungry just looking at you.  

he hooks his fingers into the sides of your underwear, dragging them down in one slow pull, eyes locked on you like he’s scared to blink and miss it. the fabric barely makes it past your knee before he’s already looking back up at you, his pupils blown wide, lips parted with the kind of need that makes your chest feel too tight.  

“let me eat you out,” he says, and his voice is rough and desperate.

you bite your lip like you’re thinking it over, but you know you’re going to say yes. you just like seeing him like this — all unsteady and breathless, too far gone to hide it.  

“please,” he says again, this time more ragged, his voice cracking at the end like he might actually lose it if you make him wait any longer.  

“okay,” you say, and it’s all he needs.  

he’s on you in a heartbeat, sliding down your body so fast it’s dizzying. his hands are firm on your thighs, pulling them apart, spreading you wide until there’s nowhere left to hide. his gaze flicks up one last time, meeting yours like he’s checking, like he’s giving you one last chance to stop him.  

but you don’t. you won’t.

he presses his fingers to your folds, parting you slowly, exposing everything to him, and the breath he takes is deep, like he’s savoring the moment before the fall.  

then he leans in.  

his nose brushes against you first, just a soft nudge that has your hips twitching on instinct. then his tongue follows in one long, slow drag from bottom to top that has your breath stuttering in your chest. his grip on your thighs tightens, fingers digging into your skin like he’s steadying himself as much as you.  

he moans against you, a deep, satisfied sound that you feel as much as hear, and his tongue dives back in, licking at you like you’re his favorite thing to taste. the movements are slow at first, deliberate, his tongue exploring every part of you like he’s trying to figure out exactly what makes you fall apart.  

and you are falling apart.  

your head tilts back, eyes fluttering shut, lips parting as you let out a shaky, breathless moan. your hips twitch up, and his hands are right there to hold you down, keeping you still as his tongue moves with more certainty, more purpose, licking you with long, messy strokes that make you gasp.  

his mouth doesn’t slow, if anything, it grows more determined. his tongue moves with precision now, circling that sensitive spot before flicking against it in quick, teasing bursts that have your hips jumping despite his firm grip.  

“fuck, jaem—” your voice breaks on his name, your hands gripping the sides of the couch, searching for something, anything to ground yourself. but there’s nothing. nothing but him, his mouth, the obscene, wet sounds filling the air, and the heat building low in your stomach.

he groans again, the vibration shooting through you, his tongue flattening against you before he drags it up,

“taste so sweet,” he murmurs into you, his voice muffled, every word spoken straight into your skin. 

“could stay here all night.”

the heat in your belly twists tighter at that, something about the way he says it, like he means it, like he’d ruin himself for this… for you. you’re already too close, and he knows it. he can feel it in the way your thighs tense, in the way your breath catches and your hips press up into him like you’re chasing something you can’t quite reach.  

he hums in satisfaction, his lips wrapping around that sensitive bundle of nerves, sucking just once, just enough to make your whole body jolt.

“god, jaem, i’m—” you don’t even finish the sentence before it hits you, crashing over you in waves so intense you forget how to breathe. you squeeze your eyes shut, mouth falling open on a silent cry as the pleasure hits you all at once, white-hot and overwhelming. he doesn’t let up, his tongue flicking against you through it, coaxing every last tremor from your body.  

your fingers find his hair, tugging hard, half to ground yourself and half to make him stop because it’s all too much. he groans at the pull, but it only seems to spur him on, his hands tightening on your hips, keeping you pressed against his mouth.

“jaemin,” you say it firmer this time, tugging again, and finally, finally he pulls back, his lips and chin shiny with evidence of what he’s done.

“couldn’t help myself,” he says, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth like he’s savoring every last bit of you. his eyes are wild, pupils blown wide, his hair a mess from where you tugged at it.  

“you look so pretty when you cum,” he says, voice low and husky, and you hate the way your heart lurches in your chest as if he’s just said something sweet.  

“you’re crazy,” you mutter, still catching your breath, wiping the sweat from your forehead.  

“crazy for you,” he fires back, grin widening like he knows how corny it is and says it anyway.  

and for some reason, it makes you laugh. a soft, breathy thing you can’t hold back. 

in one smooth motion, he’s crawling back up your body, his hands framing your face as he settles his weight over you. his lips press to yours, soft at first, then deeper, hungrier. reminding you exactly where that mouth has just been. you taste yourself on him, and it sends a fresh wave of heat through you.  

“not done with you yet,”  he says against your lips, his hips pressing down against yours, and fuck, you feel how hard he is, the thick, solid pressure pressing right where you need it.  

“then don’t stop,” your fingers slide down his back, nails scraping lightly.

he flashed a wicked grin, and before you could process it, you let out a startled squeal as he hoisted you over his shoulder like you weighed nothing. his arms were firm around your legs, his shoulder pressing into your stomach, and you could feel the strength in every stride as he carried you from the living room to his bedroom. 

"jaemin!" you protested, your fists lightly tapping his back, but it only made him chuckle.

"keep squirming, baby. see where that gets you," he teased.  

he laid you down on the bed with surprising gentleness. the cool, fresh scent of his sheets surrounded you, soft fabric meeting warm skin. it was a fleeting comfort, though. you both knew they wouldn’t stay this neat for long. 

jaemin peeled off his shirt with one smooth motion, revealing the sharp lines of his chest and the taut muscles of his stomach. you bit your lip as he kicked off his sweatpants, leaving him in just his boxers. his gaze was locked on you, dark eyes brimming with heat and amusement, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking.  

you watched mesmerized as he pulled open the drawer of his nightstand, fingers searching until they found a small foil packet. he ripped it open with practiced ease, and when the condom rolled out into his palm, your eyes widened. 

"that’s not the right size," you blurted out, half-laughing. "no way."  

his eyebrows lifted, a challenge sparking in his eyes. "oh? wanna bet?" 

then his boxers hit the floor.  

oh.  

your breath caught in your throat as your eyes dropped, taking in the sight of his dick. heat flooded your face. what the hell.

“close your mouth, baby,” he said, smirking. “unless you’re planning to put it to use.”  

"shut up," you muttered, glancing away, cheeks blazing. "are you gonna do it or not?"  

“do what?” he asked innocently, even as he climbed onto the bed, caging you in with his body. he hovered just above you, his grin infuriatingly smug.  

“you know what.”  

“hmm. don’t think i do,” he murmured, eyes dropping to your lips. “wanna say it for me, pretty girl?”  

you pressed your lips together, heart thudding in your chest harder every second. you could feel the weight of him, his warmth, the tension that hung in the air like a live wire.  

“fuck… me, jaem,” you muttered, voice barely above a whisper.  

he tilted his head, eyes narrowing. “louder, baby. i know you can be louder.”  

he wasn’t wrong. flashes of earlier moments filled your mind, the way you were moaning and whimpering definitely wasn’t quiet. you swallowed the last bit of your hesitation.  

“fuck me. please.”  

he hummed, satisfied, his grin softening as he hooked his hands behind your knees and tugged you down toward him. you let out a quiet gasp, suddenly flat on your back, with him positioned directly above you. his body hovered just close enough that every shift of movement made you feel him.  

your eyes flickered up to his face, and for a second, he wasn’t teasing anymore. his gaze was steady, searching, his eyes dark but kind. he reached out, fingertips tracing your jawline with such tenderness it made you ache in a different way.  

“you okay, baby?” he asked softly, letting you know he’d stop everything if you said no.  

your heart swelled at the care in his voice.  

you nodded, fingers curling around his shoulders.  

he leaned in, close enough for his breath to fan across your face. “need words, love.”  

“i’m okay, jaem,” you said more firmly, gazing up at him. 

his eyes lingered on yours a moment longer before he nodded. he took a pillow and carefully placed it behind your lower back 

"good girl," he murmured.  

he shifted, his hands steady on your hips, grounding you as he lined himself up. the anticipation coiled tightly in your stomach, a nervous, thrilling buzz. you felt him prodding at your entrance, he swiped his tip up and down, the action made you clench in anticipation. he eased in, inch by inch, the stretch stealing every ounce of air from your lungs.  

his head dropped, forehead pressed against yours, jaw tense as his eyes squeezed shut. a soft curse left his lips. “fuck, so… so tight,” he groaned, his voice wrecked. his fingers dug into your hips, holding you still.

the moans spilling from your lips mixed with his name, coming out soft and unrestrained. every inch of him felt like too much, the kind of stretch that made your breath catch and your nails press into his shoulders. it had been so long since you'd had sex that you'd almost forgotten what it felt like, and even back then, no one had ever filled you like this. jaemin was thicker, longer, and the difference was impossible to ignore. 

"baby, if you keep squeezing me like that…" he laughed breathlessly, his fingers drawing slow, steady circles on your hip like he was trying to soothe you. “i might not make it all the way in.” 

“s’rry, you’re… just too big,” you muttered, voice coming out more wrecked than you intended. 

he bit down on his lip, eyes flicking down to where you were connected. the sight alone was about to undo him. "yeah?" he breathed, a little too satisfied with himself. his hand slid up, fingers pressing into your waist just a bit harder, grounding you in place as he pushed in deeper. 

the pressure was overwhelming, every slow inch making you feel like you might fall apart right there beneath him. and the deeper he went, the more you swore you wouldn’t last long. the tight, aching pull in your stomach was already coiling up, twisting tighter with every second.  

“you okay?” his voice was softer this time, the restraint obvious in how still he stayed once he’d finally bottomed out. his forehead pressed lightly to yours, lips hovering just close enough to brush your skin.  

“mhm,” you nodded quickly, legs shaking around him. 

“words, baby,” he said, and his fingers tilted your chin so you’d look at him. 

“i’m okay, jaem. just…just move, please,” you said, the words tumbling out before you could stop them.  

"since you asked so nicely," he said with a grin that was all teeth and trouble. his hands gripped your thighs, pulling them higher against his sides. his hips pulled back, just enough for you to feel every inch of him drag out slowly, before he pushed back in.

the breath punched out of you. you didn’t even have time to recover before he was doing it again, sharper, testing just how much you could handle. 

"god, you’re taking me so well, princess," he groaned, eyes flicking down to where your bodies connected. his hands slid up your sides, the warmth of his touch a sharp contrast to the way he was slamming into you. "like you were made for me." 

“jaem-” his name was the only thing you could manage, high-pitched and broken. your head tipped back against the pillows, eyes squeezing shut, but that only made everything feel sharper. 

“what's that?” he asked, voice rough as he leaned in closer, his lips ghosting over the corner of your mouth. "love it this much, huh?" 

you didn’t answer, didn’t need to. he could hear it in every shaky breath, feel it in the way your body reacted to him. 

his mouth was on yours a second later, messy and hot, his teeth dragging over your bottom lip before his tongue slid past it. he didn’t kiss you so much as claim you, taking everything you gave and then some. your fingers knotted in his hair, desperate for something to hold on to. the sounds between you were wet, frantic, each one making the coil in your stomach twist tighter. 

you were close… so, so close.

 but then he pulled away again, leaving you gasping at the sudden loss. before you could even think to complain, he grabbed your hips, flipping you over like it was nothing. your cheek pressed into the pillow, hips lifted, and you barely had a second to brace yourself before he was back inside you.

the first thrust knocked the air out of your lungs. it was deeper now, sharper, because he’d found a whole new spot to ruin you from. your fingers dug into the pillow, muffling the sounds spilling from your mouth, but even that wasn’t enough. the angle had you seeing stars, the kind of pressure that made your legs shake with every thrust. 

“feel that?” his voice was right at your ear, low and rough. “feels different, doesn’t it?” 

you nodded frantically, too gone to answer, but that wasn’t good enough for him. his hand slipped up, tangling in your hair, gently tugging you up just enough so he could hear you.  

“talk to me, baby.” his voice was a rasp now, barely hanging on. "tell me how it feels." 

“s’good…so good, jaem,” you gasped, words rushed and jumbled but still clear enough. "i’m- i’m gonna…”  

“go ahead, baby," he said, lips brushing against your ear before he bit down softly on your earlobe, making you jolt. "want you to cum for me." 

your whole body shuddered as the release crashed into you, slow and unrelenting, like a wave that just wouldn’t let up. it didn’t hit and fade away like usual — it lingered, making your muscles seize and tremble with every pulse. you felt boneless, your limbs heavy as you sagged against the bed, head turned to the side, cheek pressed into the pillow. jaemin stayed inside you, his grip on your hips loosening just slightly but his eyes stayed locked on you, dark and intent. you could feel him watching every little twitch of your body. 

“look at you,” he murmured, his voice rough and low. “so pretty like this.” 

he eased out of you slowly, and the emptiness that followed had you sucking in a sharp breath. your thighs shook as you tried to press them together, but his were still on you, thumb brushing softly along your inner thighs admiring how your cum slid down your dripping core. 

you glanced down, lips parting at the sight. his cock was flushed, standing firm against his stomach, the condom showing nothing but a hint of precum mixed with the mess you’d left behind. a slow heat pooled in your belly again, your body already responding before your mind could catch up.  

“you didn’t—” you started, but the words dissolved in your throat, eyes flickering back up to meet his.  

you didn’t wait for him to say anything. your hand shot out, fingers curling around his wrist, and you tugged him forward. he followed easily, letting you pull him in close, his lips already parting like he was expecting a kiss. but just as he leaned in, you braced a hand on his chest and shoved him down flat on his back. 

“oh?” he breathed out a soft, surprised laugh, his eyes widening as his head hit the pillow. “what’s this, huh?”  

“shh,” you muttered, climbing over him, one leg swinging over his hips until you were straddling him. your palms flattened on his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat under your hands. 

“bossy now, are we?” his grin stretched wider, his hands sliding up your thighs with a slow, deliberate touch. he squeezed just above your knees, fingertips pressing into your skin.  

“quiet,” you said leaning forward, your breath warm against his ear. “thought you’d like a girl who takes charge.” 

his head tipped back with a breathy laugh. “oh, i do,” he said, voice trailing off into a low hum as his eyes dipped to where your hips hovered just above him. “but i like it even more when she can keep up.” 

the corner of your mouth tugged up into a grin. “we’ll see,” you muttered, reaching between your bodies to wrap your hand around him. he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, his whole body going rigid beneath you. even with just the faintest pressure of your hand, you could feel him twitch, his hips bucking up slightly. 

“s-sensitive,” he hissed, jaw tightening as he pressed his head back into the pillow. but he didn’t stop you, didn’t even try. if anything, his fingers dug harder into your thighs, holding you steady like he was afraid you’d pull away. 

“thought you could keep up,” you shot back, glancing up at him. his brows furrowed, his eyes squeezing shut for a second before they flickered back open. the teasing look on his face was gone now, replaced with something hungrier, more focused.  

you lined him up with you, heart thudding hard against your ribs. you’d done this before, but it felt different now… the weight of his eyes on you, the way his hands gripped you just a little tighter as you slowly lowered yourself onto him. the stretch was slow, inch by inch until you felt him fill you completely. 

“f-f—” his curse broke off into a low groan, his chest rising sharply as his hands slid up to your waist. “god, you’re—” he didn’t finish. couldn’t finish. his eyes screwed shut, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip so hard you thought he might draw blood.  

you braced your hands on his chest, fingers curling just slightly as you adjusted to the feeling. the heat in your core burned brighter, the ache of it twisting into something sharper, more desperate. you shifted your hips just a little, testing it, and the friction hit you so perfectly you gasped, nails digging into his chest.  

“you okay?” his voice was strained, barely more than a whisper, but there was a thread of concern woven through it. his eyes cracked open, heavy-lidded but focused on you.  

“mhm,” you nodded, breathless as you lifted your hips slowly, feeling every inch of him slide out before sinking back down just as slow. his head tipped back, throat bobbing as he swallowed hard, a low groan rattling from his chest. 

“yeah, just like that,” he muttered, his grip on you loosening as he let you set the pace. “take your time, pretty girl.” his words slurred just a little, as if he wasn’t fully in control of them anymore. “feels so…” his breath hitched, head tilting back against the pillow. 

his hands never stopped moving, though. they roamed up your waist, across your ribs until they found your boobs, they played there for a minute before sliding down to grip your thighs again. every time you dropped your hips, you watched the way his face twisted — brows pulling together, lips parting, his eyes half-lidded and glassy. his fingers twitched, his grip faltering like he wanted to touch you everywhere at once. 

“harder,” he breathed, his voice so quiet you almost missed it. his eyes flicked up to yours, gaze locked, lips parted and shiny with spit. “don’t hold back.”  

you bit your lip, grinning through the burn in your legs as you shifted your pace and started going faster. the sound of it echoed in the room and you felt the warmth building low in your belly again, tighter and tighter with every roll of your hips. 

“y-yeah, just like that,” he gasped, voice cracking, his eyes fluttering shut again. he pressed his head back, the veins on his neck on full display, and you watched the way his adam’s apple bobbed with every uneven breath. his hands slid to your hips, guiding you in sync with his shallow thrusts upward. the movement was messy, desperate, his body seeking more even as he tried to hold on.  

“gonna—” he bit out, breath hitching sharply. his eyes flew open, wild and unfocused as he stared at you like he wasn’t even sure what he was about to say. “gonna— oh, fuck—” 

“yeah?” you gasped, leaning forward, your hands braced against his chest, fingers curling into his skin. “feels good, hm?” 

he didn’t answer with words. he answered with his body, hips snapping up to meet yours, his fingers dragging down your back, hard enough to leave little streaks of heat in their wake. his breathing grew choppy, his body locking up beneath you as his grip on your waist turned bruising. 

“don’t stop,” he panted, his voice rough, broken. “don’t— oh, fuck.” 

you didn’t. not until you felt every last bit of him give in. his whole body went taut, muscles straining beneath you, his grip locking you in place as he let himself go. he groaned so deeply it sounded more like a growl, his breath hot against your neck as he pulled you down to him, holding you close.

“what’s the verdict, doctor?” you asked, tracing circles on his chest, still sat on top of him.  

“hm,” he hummed with his eyes still closed, lips tugging up at the corners as if he was fighting off a grin. “patient shows signs of extreme confidence. possible cause: being too good at driving me crazy.”  

you snorted, tilting your head to look at him. “is that your professional diagnosis?”  

“oh, absolutely,” he said, cracking one eye open to meet yours. “might need to run some more tests, though. you know, for accuracy.”  

“yeah?” you leaned in, your lips ghosting over his jaw. “what kind of tests, doctor?”  

his hands slid up your back, fingers splayed wide as they pressed you closer. “thorough ones,” he muttered, his voice rasping against your ear. “real hands-on approach.”  

“sounds serious,” you teased, letting your nails drag lightly down his chest. “hope your credentials check out.”  

“i’m overqualified, baby,” he breathed, tipping his head back against the pillow with a lazy grin. “let me show you.”

my inbox is always open for any comments about the fic!! thank you<3

[luvyeni]

( reaction ) unintentionally riding them ! ୨୧ 一 엔시티드림 ՞

⸃ ⸰ ⌁ unintentionally riding nct dream on a rideヾ

boyfriend!엔시티드림・ fem!reader ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ smut ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ cw ・ ‎ nudes , allusions to sex wc ・ ‎n/a ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎| ‎ click to library

request. hear me out…… what about nct dream going with yn to that ride disco pang pang and you end up on top of them (idk if you’ve seen a video that’s been going around where a girl is literally riding other girl😭)

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 those rides are scary as hell i couldn't imagine falling into a strangers lap like the video.

﹙ 𐙚 : mark﹚ .ᐟ

he knows you mean no harm; the ride was quite literally tossing you both around , and you just happened to land on him — but it didn't stop his cock from growing inside is jeans. he's stressed , he knows you feel it. “fu-fuck im so sorry.” he said , your face is hot , cheeks are rosy as you feel him beneath you , he's embarrassed , but so turned on , he was gonna cum . “but fuck you feel good , im sorry , im so sorry .” he's just wishing the damn ride would end.

“fuck im sorry but im about to cum.”

﹙ 𐙚 : renjun﹚ .ᐟ

he's embarrassed as hell; but his ass is not about to let you know that. “re-renjun are you hard?” he scoffed , rolling his eyes. “you're straddling me , and this ride is bouncing you on my dick , of course I'm hard , wouldn't you be hard if you were in my position? i know you're probably turned on right now , don't make it seem like it's only me.” he stressed , he's about to cum in his pants and he wasn't about to give you leverage to further tease him. “oh fuck will this ride ever fucking end.”

“we're leaving this fucking amusement park arter this.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jeno﹚ .ᐟ

his hands immediately come to your waist to hold you from falling when the ride tossed you into his lap. “hi.” he tries to smile it off — even though the ride is practically bouncing you on his dick. you're actually the one profusely apologizing , but he pretends that it doesn't even bother him , even though he's hard a fucking rock and you're riding him unintentionally in front of all these people and he has to force himself not to moan. “i don't think i can get up after this.” he said. “it's already embarrassing with you on top of me.”

“i don't want these people to see my dick hard.”

﹙ 𐙚 : haechan﹚ .ᐟ

shameless motherfucker; you would've thought he was already hard before the ride tossed you into the boys lap. “haechan are you serious?” he smirking holding you close by your waist. “you're grinding on top of me and you're confused as to why im hard.” he scoffed , your eyes widened at his sudden brazen attitude , you knew he was a wild card but even this was too much for you. you only come back when he groans , he doesn't even care.

“fuck if this ride doesn't stop soon i’m gonna cum.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jaemin﹚ .ᐟ

with the smirk on his face , you would've thought he orgistrated the entire thing himself , his hands on your waist , meanwhile you're the one who's embarrassed as hell. “why are you so embarrassed?” he knew you could feel his hard on , he could feel you as well. “im-im glad you're having a good time.” you on the other hand , your body was on fire. “I am baby i am.” the ride still tossing you around but he made sure to hold you still.

“but i'm more excited about the time we're about to have when we get off this ride.”

﹙ 𐙚 : chenle﹚ .ᐟ

completely turns it on you; yeah he's the one thats hard , but you're the one on top of him and you're the one who caused it in his eyes , not the ride. “if you wanted to ride me you should've just asked , not force me on this nauseating ride so you can do it shamelessly.” you wanted to slap him so bad , but you were too busy grabbing the bar to keep yourself from flying off. “sh-shut up.” your face hot from embarrassment as you straddled him. “im not gonna cum in my pants like a teenager.”

“but all bets are off when we get off this ride.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jisung﹚ .ᐟ

he wants to kill himself to moment he feels you on top of him; his face is red , he wanted to die — but it felt good and that's what made him feel like a pervert , because it wasn't sexual , but his stupid cock didn't seem to get the message. he swore the person who managed the ride had something against him because the ride was never ending and no matter how many times you tried to get up , the ride was plopping you back into his lap. “ji-jisung.” your hands holding his shoulders , he stops you before you can finish.

“please don't say anything , im sorry , so fucking sorry.”

©LUVYENI

[hyuckiestarz]

best friend!jaemin on tour but he's down bad

masterlist

[jenosbigtoe]

mdni. nsfw 18+

pairing: best friend!fwb!lee jeno x reader x best friend!jaemin

warnings: 3some, unprotected sex, creampie, cunnilingus, cumeating, masturbation (m), lowkey mxm if you think about it, porn no plot (shitty “plot”)

@jenomov sorry for disappearing.. hope this helps 🤗

—

it was his idea first—you’re both single and horny and you know him the best out of anyone, besides your other best friend, jaemin. it was only natural he asked you, out of everyone, to relieve his needs while he relieved yours. like scratching each other’s backs, as he put it.

you couldn’t even pretend to hesitate about it. who cares if you’ve been best friends for years? it’s not like some fucking would throw that all down the drain—not when you’ve secretly been wanting to sleep with him and jaemin for years. it was bound to happen at some point. your best friends are hot as fuck—why wouldn’t you jump at the opportunity to fuck at least one of them? a greedy part of you wishes you could have both, but one is enough for now.

it seems that insatiable thirst you have for jeno is equally reciprocated by him—after sleeping together once, you’ve been seeing him at least every other day.

it was convenient enough. you already spent most of your time hanging out with him, jaemin, or both. except instead of playing mario kart or watching shitty sitcoms with him, more often than not he has you folded into acrobatic ways to drill his fat cock into your needy pussy.

and jeno fucks like a pornstar.

smushing your face into the mattress while he pounds you feverishly from behind. placing your legs on his shoulders so he can reach that sweet spot deep inside your pussy with his hot length. spitting on your used cunt and using his tongue to lick and fuck your hole like you’re his last meal on death row. it’s like he finds new ways to fuck you every time you hook up—and every time leaves you hungry for more.

it’s an absolute miracle jaemin hasn’t caught on by now. like really, did you both have to go to the bathroom at the exact same time for 30 minutes? did you both have to contract food poisoning and couldn’t make it to your weekly friday movie night?

it’s not like you even tried to hide it that well. fucking in your room right next to the guest room that both jeno and jaemin were supposed to sleeping in, until jeno snuck out to go see you. the sounds of sex—headboard banging against the wall, skin slapping on skin, breathy moans and low grunts—definitely should’ve alerted jaemin to exactly what you two were doing.

but jaemin still, at the very least, appeared to be none the wiser. it’s like he hasn’t even noticed the way you’ve been rubbing your ass on jeno’s boner all night underneath the thin blankets, when you should’ve been watching whatever corny horror movie that was on the tv. the way jeno is gripping your hips in a way that is more than friendly. jaemin’s back is pressed against the front of your body while jeno cuddles you from behind.

“i’m gotta go take a shower.” you fake a yawn, “i’m getting tired and i’m ready for bed.”

jaemin briefly glances over at you but you couldn’t read his facial expression in the dark. “okay. good night.” he scoots away from your body.

“good night.” you get up from jeno’s grasp and walk away, only to hear him tell jaemin, “i gotta go take a shit, i’ll be right back.” you smirk.

—

“mmph—fuck!” you curse against jeno’s hand pressed to your mouth.

with one arm gripping your waist and the other hand pressed against your mouth to get you to shut the fuck up, jeno snaps his hips into yours from behind, every movement jolting your entire body forward and sending shock waves down your spine.

“shit, baby, i can never get tired of fucking you,” he chuckles lowly.

his hips drill his cock deep into your dripping cunt, his fat girth stretching you out just like the first time. with every thrust, the tip of his cock drives deeper inside you, leaving you with an insatiable thirst for more, more.

“mmph, ah—“ you struggle to speak against the tight grip he has on your mouth.

he moves his hand from your mouth back to your waist, using all of his strength to press your body against him in a tight bear hug while he fucks you into the mattress. you suck in a huge breath of relief, gasping for air.

“jen, please! i need—“ you can’t finish your sentence as he delivers a particularly rough thrust right against your cervix. “fuck!” you squeal a little too loud.

he smacks your ass in warning. “watch it, princess. don’t want our jaemin to hear you being a cock slut for me, now do we?” his hips never falter their pace, his cock drilling into you with a mind numbing rhythm. “tell me what you want, baby.”

you drop your head. “jen, need— need more.”

he smiles and leans his head to put his lips close to your ear. “that’s my girl.”

if at all possible, his hips seem to be going faster, harder, deeper than before. you almost scream in delight, if it wasn’t for the fact that you knew he would be so mad at you. your pussy clenches around every ridge and every vein on his cock as he drags his length against your walls in an erratic rhythm.

“fuck,” he groans to himself, eyes rolling to the back of his head.

you don’t notice the bedroom door wide open, as jaemin watches the two of you with his arms folded across his chest.

“well fuck, why wasn’t i invited in on the fun in here?” jaemin’s voice ringing through the room has your heart dropping out of your ass as you jump in fright. jeno freezes on the spot, slowly swiveling his head to see his best friend watching menacingly.

jaemin’s eyebrows are furrowed and the veins on his neck bulging.

“no, don’t let me stop what you were doing. obviously you can’t even take your cock out of her even when you have an audience.” jaemin stalks towards the two of you with a predatory look in his eyes. you both can’t even begin to move yourself from the shock of it all. fuck.

you notice the thick bulge in jaemin’s sweatpants, the look of hunger on his face as he licks his lips. you recover from the shock first—when jeno begins to say, “holy sh-“ you begin to move your ass against his cock once more, using your juices to clench and fuck jeno’s cock right in front of your other best friend.

“that’s right, baby. fuck his cock for me,” jaemin’s smirk reminds you of a hungry beast, ready to devour a delicious meal right in front of him.

noises slip from your mouth with abandon, no longer caring who heard because you’ve already been caught. jeno catches on quick—his hips moving to meet yours, slowly speeding up to the animalistic pace he had been fucking you before. you barely even notice jaemin stripping himself bare as he walks to the side of your bed, standing to the side with his red hot cock in his hand standing hard and proud. jaemin spits on his hand and rubs his cock furiously, his face scrunched in concentration as he watches you fuck his best friend like an animal.

with the added audience, jeno seems to lose himself in your pussy faster. he likes it, likes having his and your best friend watch you get fucked. your cunt drips endlessly around his hot length, allowing his cock to slip in and out of your heat with ease. the pace of his hips quickly grow sloppy and you can feel his cock twitch deep inside your cunt with every thrust now—a sign you’ve grown to know all too well.

“shit—baby i’m going to cum,” he groans. you clench harder at his words, nearing your release.

with stuttering hips, he slams his cock balls deep in your hot cunt. his cock twitches violently as he shoots his white hot ropes inside you, talking his head back and moaning loudly. “fuck.”

you moan at the hot feeling of your best friend’s cum painting your walls. slowly, you turn your head back to face your other best friend, who still has his cock in his hands and a satisfied look on his face.

“get off her,” jaemin commands.

jeno can’t even think from the mind blowing orgasm he just had. he rolls off your body and lays flat on the bed beside you, panting to catch his breath.

before you can even move, jaemin climbs on the bed and flips you on your back. he climbs over your body and traps you underneath his, his hand gripping your face and leaving you unable to move.

“look at this little slut right here. fucking our best friend like i wouldn’t ever find out.” he crashes his lips against yours, sucking and biting at your lips like you were made of candy.

“mmph—,” you moan.

jaemin pulls away from your lips, a string of saliva connecting the two of you. “shut up, slut. you wanna act like a slut? you’re gonna get treated like one now.” jaemin crawls down your body and wraps his arms around your legs, forcing them apart. he uses his strength to keep an iron grip on your thighs as he inspects your cunt from below.

“i wonder how many times jeno has used this slutty pussy,” jaemin chuckles dangerously.

you squirm, with futile attempts to move out of jaemin’s crushing grip. you can feel jeno’s hot cum start to drip out of your cunt, despite your attempts to clench it inside.

you don’t notice jeno sitting up again, this time watching the two of you with renewed interest. his cock is hard again, standing erect as he starts stroking it.

jaemin uses his fingers to scoop the cum back into your cunt, causing you to gasp sharply and jerk your body around.

“holy fu-“ before you can finish your statement, you feel jaemin’s hot mouth press against your core, his tongue shoving into your used hole and licking up to flick your clit.

you scream at the sudden feeling, hands tangling and pulling onto jaemin’s dark locks. your legs shake from the attack of pleasure on your sore pussy. jaemin pays no mind—continuing to eat you like you’re his last meal.

before you can even realize it, your orgasm crashes down on your senses like a tsunami, waves of pleasure coursing through your veins as your brain goes blank.

your body tightens up and you toss your head back to moan loudly. jaemin’s tongue continues to attack your clit furiously, licking and sucking your through your intense orgasm. jeno rubs his cock furiously, his second orgasm approaching.

jaemin removes his mouth from your pussy with a loud pop—before he crawls back up to meet your fucked out face. he smashes his lips back against yours, making you taste yourself as he continues his attack on your lips this time. he pushes his tongue against yours to make you open your mouth—before he forces jeno’s cum right into your mouth.

you swallow it all—the taste of yourself mixed with jeno’s cum and jaemin’s mouth lingering in your own.

[viasdreams]

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

random boyfriend texts with 7dream !!

a/n: mark’s is a deepcut ref to that one video where he and chenle were gonna get dinner but chenle brakes their sealed promise >_<

warning: blurred pic of a wang

fake text m.list ☁︎⋅

[technologyculturedneo]

Secret Room. Jaemin

"What happened that night, should stay between us. I don't know you and you don't know me. Got it?"

PAIRING. husband!Na Jaemin x detective intern!Reader

SUMMARY. Na Jaemin. A decent young respectable business man, husband, father and family affair man. He's idolized, admired, and highly praised with high esteem within his social circle. However, his morally perfect world falls apart when getting entangled with you in a one night stand. One lustfully pleasing night together doesn’t prepare you for the chaos that soon follows when Jaemin is accused of murdering his daughter. The crazy thing, is that you know he didn't do it, because he was with you that night, but now you’re tasked with writing a report on his innocence guilt.

WARNINGS. Mentions of: Death (both minor and heavy), Smut (including and not limited to cheating, heavy/soft intercourses, pussy eating kink, foreplay, dry humping, dom and sub con, consensual etc.) And Cursing (minor use)

GENRE. Longshot! Side chick and husband romance. Cheating scandal. Strangers to lovers(?) Angst yet lively. Gore but only towards the end. Twisted cheating romance.

You've been an intern detective writer for more over 9 months now and you're extremely prideful in the work you do. Being able to 'have eyes at the back of your head' or being known as 'sharp’ is an esteemed word and/or phrase that your higher executives prefer to use when describing you. Maybe you're selfish and tend to be heavily guarded, and perhaps even self centered, however- as you see everything and nothing gets past you, you're surprised how you let a man slip right through your rib cage and straight into your soul.

With that title in head, you should've known from the moment you stumbled through the unfamiliar door, that the man you were about to fuck was a father, a husband. Of course the signs weren't there when you entered the dark house, when you began making out radically and bumping left and right into things. The signs weren't there, however the wall you pushed him against had a framed picture of him wearing an adorned suit and a lady dressed in heavenly white. You could only make out her smile as it was too dark, but something in you told you she was his. You should've stopped, but the need to satisfy your craving was so strong. You continued to suck his face off as he ran his hands up your waist to unzip the zipper of your tightened leather black dress. You laughed into the kiss as he gripped your flesh underneath your thigh and sat your body up onto a dresser which made you slightly elevated- you aligned yourself in a position where your lips would still be attached as your hands roamed his dark hair while he began pulling your strapless dress down. His eyes, star gaze with a black hole of lust, looked up into your own thirsty sinister eyes after taking in the view of your nudity, of you not wearing underwear.

"Very naughty," he laughed instantly diving for your thighs with sloppy and hungry kiss bites. "Can I?"

"Anything you want Mr Big Shot,"

As his slippery tongue meets up with your heated core you buck up into his face moaning out aloud, your whole body radiating with pleasure. Your arms shoot back trying to maintain your balance against the dresser- that you don't notice when you knock over more framed pictures. The framed pictures consists of a young girl being held tightly and wrapped in the arms of her loving parents, another photo is of the man and his wife smiling after a graduation they had attended for their daughter finishing pre school and the last two of the man's daughter starting out in her first grade and winning an award. The shattering sounds of the frames are covered by the loud gasping moan that leave your lips. You're groaning out the married man's name.

A name which you've only learnt an hour ago, yet someone else who's learnt it for a far longer period- tries as hardest as they can to scream it out. Trying to scream out (without a clue of how) for help. Tears spread across the eyes of the watcher as blood drips from their forehead, and clogs the person's throat, while they still try so hard to scream out the name. "Abah-"

"Ahh~" However, you, eluded with pleasure passionately yell out his name only making him laugh and the vibration coursing all around your body. "Jaemin don't stop," You breathe, gasping out when your legs begin to shake. Although he pulls his moist lips and tongue away from your core, they travel up your navel to your breast before finally getting to your neck just as he unfastens his belt and prepares his hard shaft for your entrance. He picks you up by your thighs again, balancing your body weight against the dresser. His hips are hard and fast paced when slamming straight into you. You arch your back just as his teeth grunt out by how warm and soft you feel inside of him, his eyes erotically shut by how good you feel against him while he continues placing sweet bites on your chest. Being overwhelmed by pleasure you shut your eyes tightly as his eyes roam down your figure. His thumbs playing with your nipples at the same time trying to ravage the dress off your body.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" You pant out. "I still don't believe this is your first time. You're a professional,"

"Not my first time," Jaemin breaks s smile from his pleasured erotic face. "But I've never had it like this, you feel so good,"

"I know," You moan out, straining your eyes to stay open and fixed on his sensational gaze, but your eyes shut in ecstasy.

His voice raspy and hot rhetorically edging you on, fucking you dumb and senseless that you can barely open up your eyes. His eyes are all over your face, his hands patting your head gently running his fingers through your hair. "You're so warm."

Jaemin thrusts hard into you, sweat dripping down the middle of his back and forming on patches of his forehead. The last time he went this hard, was probably too far into his past to collect, (too far and way back) however tonight, being balls deep into your core and feeling his own heart emulate with so much pleasure. His lips press onto the side of your neck, while burying himself deeply into your throbbing and clinching core as his hand grip hard onto your skin.

Your eyes flatter open, but all you can see are stars in the darkened room before your eyes roll to the back of your head. "Oh my soul," you pant out, still feeling him, squeezing him, the surge of pleasure coating your entire being.

When meeting him at the bar, you immediately wanted to fuck him. However, he intrigued you by his way of talking and you ended up... indulging into the conversation, sharing and actually getting to know him. That's why, as he's thrusting with layers of passion, and you feel just how much he wants you, you know just how much he needs this. He mentioned his life being surrounded by doing things for others, that he never got to do anything for himself. You couldn't relate, however after engaging with him and sorta trying to to understand him (which was out of character for you) you really wanted to satisfy him especially since it's what he wanted.

His whole body is attentive to you and you can absolutely feel just how concentrated he is. Him caring for you and solely taking time to please you- especially after getting to know him, only makes you want to treasure his heart. It's not everyday a random stranger pours out their soul and actually gets you to listen. Most of the time, if someone didn't give you what you wanted, you wouldn't spare a second on them. Yet somehow you feel open to this man...

He feels so good to you. It's so good that you lose your mind when you're suddenly picked up and placed carefully against the couch and he's in you once again.

He takes his time, not fast as before, yet with the same passion his lips kiss every part of your body. He carefully calls out your name, whispering how good you feel, how soft your body is, how inviting you are and how glad he is to have met you. He's so engrossed in praising you, and it's so contagious that you pass on the same praises as you get down on your knees taking your turn in making him feel special.

He deserves an award. You make sure that as you suck him off, that your eyes are on his gorgeous ones, blessing him with the sight of how good you feel sucking him off. He bites his lips panting out softly. You watch as the pleasure builds up in his face. His hand passes through your hair when you go deeper on his shaft and your tongue glaze over his balls. His toes are clinching together and his teeth are so tight on his lip that he throws his neck back in ecstasy when feeling the blood. You're taking him in so well that it takes everything in him not to bust in your mouth- your warm mouth that salivates as you gag onto him using your hand as well to pump him up and down as you start choking yourself on his dick.

His grip that's on your hair gets tighter that he lets go afraid of hurting you- instead his hips have a mind of their own especially when thrusting up into your mouth a bit more faster then your original pace. He squeezes onto the chair but you take a hold of his hand allowing him to squeeze you instead. With one hand in his and the other supporting you in stroking him, you're sure that he's holding himself in to not let go yet. You go faster and faster, his timid groans growing louder and deeper and his grip gets tighter and harder, the pressure rising and creating tight knots that-

"Shit!"

He squirts out in plentiful flows of passion. His eyes adjust to the new found bliss, his body relaxes into the new sensation of pleasure and his dick moves on its own with happiness- jolting and twitching. It leaves his dick in streams and long strokes that makes him shocked by his own cum. Or maybe he's so shocked by how well you open up your mouth and stick out your tongue, not allowing a single sperm to leave your mouth. His wife would never. You swallow down the salty flavored goo and laugh out by his worn out appearance.

"Have you never been sucked before?" He shakes his head with stars still in his eyes as he tries to catch his breath. You smile and rub his knees as the desire and urge takes over you to take over him when his member comes to life again. "Well Jaemin, I'm gonna make you feel so good tonight. Do you wanna feel good?"

He doesn't even know how to respond, but with the way his member jolts forward again you read his excited eyes and go on.

Another round of his passion oozing out of him and dropping onto you, has you feeling really special and lucky. You've gratefully caught a big pot of gold with Jaemin. You both can't stop moaning out each other's name. Your bodies merging so well and instantly that you feel almost delusional and believe you've found the one. You can't help it, you've never experienced a one night stand like this. It started out as talking and then fucking for pleasure, but now you're joined and connected on the couch as if you were blissfully talking as you were in the bar. You feel as though you are carved for him, that your body was carved for him alone. You both explore different positions and even have him eat you out again- it's something he really wanted to try and you told him to do as he pleased because truly he deserved all the pleasure. After all, you both wanted to benefit something from this one night stand. If you were being honest, it was more then a one night stand. You felt joint t him.

With the way you both aligned, you can't help but want to give him your number, just so that he can hit you up whenever. You'd surely fall on your knees for him again. And you can't say that for everybody.

After half an hour of going down on each other and filling each other up with your fluids, you're resting on the long couch against Jaemin's chest with his arms wrapped around you- securing you.

The lights are on. They're slightly dimmed down.

Your arms hold him around his torso as you bask in the silence and soft lullaby of your breaths. Your warm bodies heating each other up. Your legs tangle again with his, loving the feel of having him so close to you. His eyes are shut drifting in and out of sleep, while yours are open. He wants to compliment you at how great you were without sounding too strange or being delusional, so he tries his best to look for the words.

Meanwhile your eyes are suddenly dead open and panned to a photo frame on the wall. You were simply staring at the photo thinking of how great Jaemin was that you didn't pay mind to the photo... until you saw the smile of the woman in the photo.

The photo... he's happily looking down at the petite shining woman with beautiful short brown hair. Like you stated, you knew he was married because of the photos that kept looking at you while you both fucked. But you didn't really think he was married!

You're absolutely gutted upon seeing the photos. Your eyes roam around to see what else you can find, and surely the living room is packed with photos on different sides. Not only of the lady that seems to be his wife, but of a young girl. Your lips tremble in anger and you close your eyes.

You hate the feeling you're feeling for only now realizing that he is a married man and you've slept with him. A married man with a child. It's only now that you feel an odd object on his left hand. It must be his ring. Fuck. The feeling of guilt, shame and deception wash over you that you slowly retreat your hands from his torso.

You hate being in this position. The position of being a middle woman.

You aren't a middle woman- yet you've been in this position one too many times. But unlike the other times, you don't leave right away. You want to know why. Why he'd cheat?

Well... assuming his wife isn't dead or he didn't divorce. You'd feel so much more better that he's single, but with the pictures around and the ring on his finger, you don't want to fool yourself. His warm chest and bulging arms have you in a state of warmth feeling safe, yet his deceitful nature makes you feel dirty and raw. Does he hold his wife like this, or is it only you?

"Jaemin," You call softly onto his name, hearing him hum out in the same silk like voice as yours. He's surely feeling too peaceful around you, because the second he hums out, his hands trace your back again and he plants a kiss on the top of your head.

"Yes?"

"Did you enjoy it?"

His low chuckle is from the inside, it gurgles out of him and you can tell there's a smile on his face- a large one that is. He nods his head, licking his lips. He still doesn't have any words for how satisfied he is feeling, but since you've brought it up, his lips are running even before he can think. "I really did. It felt so good- in fact you felt so good. I can't explain it in words, but I.... The best I've had in years, actually,"

You're left speechless. Completely speechless. If you didn't know about his wife, you'd feel good that you did a go job, you'd even take it a step further and ask if he wanted to hook up more with you- because surely tonight, a bond was made.

Except you don't want any part of him, knowing he's got his own.

"Where's your wife?"

Your question forces his eyes to stop wondering and to snap back into a distressed reality. He isn't expecting that.

Your tone isn't even sharp, but when it leaves your lips you're sure he feels it too. He feels how disappointed and disgusted you are in him. "I get that we’re both grown adults and can do whatever the fuck we want, but was this really necessary? Are you kidding me? Fuck,” You roll your eyes.

Jaemin stays silent. Shame. A disappointing reality where he can't have what he wants. His arms try to rest around you a little longer but you're already turning and shifting, which makes him uncomfortable.

"I was transparent with you. So why lie to me?" You utter out. Trying to let him know that you made him an exception into your heart.

He seemed so true and good. Someone you wouldn't mind meeting again. But now, you've just stained him. He stained you too, yet you wonder why you're feeling upset instead of angry. Maybe because you feel betrayed again...and not by him...but by your ex. Your ex who was everything but faithful to you.

"A guy like you seems so loyal. So why?" You ask.

"You wouldn’t have agreed to sleep with me if you knew I was married.” Jaemin sits up detaching his arms from your body making you feel cold. His tone is monotone. As if he's shut down. “I too was transparent when I said I only want sex."

"Do you honestly think this was only sex?"

"Thanks for tonight." Jaemin avoids the question, you feel angry when he wears his pants with no shame or remorse within his tone.

You don't even waste another second in his presence as you begin to dress up as well. Feeling dirty as if you cheated on yourself. You clean yourself up with the tissue handkerchief in your purse and throw it in the bin. You walk over to the door (that you first stumbled into with Jaemin) and you sigh out. You fish for your phone, calling on a taxi cab.

Once you make the call waiting for the taxi to come, your eyes are latched onto Jaemin who moves around the living room (where you two were intimate) and cleans up all the traces of shame making sure that everything is cleaned up neatly and back into place. He cleans up the house and sweeps the broken glass pieces before finishing and standing by the door, nervously watching you as you impatiently wait for your ride.

His eyes are soft and keep still on you. His hands fidgeting not knowing where to be, on his hair, pocket, fixing his shirt- you wonder why he's nervous, but you ignore him.

"Thank you for the night. I enjoyed it." His little smile flatters his face upon looking at your upset face. “Do you think we could meet up again?”

You roll your eyes glaring in his direction. "You're such an asshole. Do you not feel guilty?"

"Can we please not talk about that? Can we just... ignore it?" He's backsliding again. Creating a smoke screen, as if what he did won't come into light. "Did I make you feel good?" He goes on.

You feel guilty watching him do that, watching him watch you with eyes of excitement. How does he feel no shame for what he did?

Upon the arrival of your taxi, the guilt washes away and you slam his door making sure to leave the shame behind. You didn't want any of that. You don't want any of that. You don't want to be reminded of how good it felt, because by doing that you're only cheating again in your mind to a poor woman who most likely didn't deserve it.

You clinch your jaw the whole drive, thinking of how perfect Jaemin felt. You're angry at yourself for letting your pussy feel things, for letting your heart feel attached. If you knew he was a father, a husband- you wouldn't even have slept with him- so then why did you continue even after seeing the pictures of him and his wife?

Pussy over brain?

Perhaps because of how much he put into it?

Maybe because, you know that he looked at you, but his attention was in your heart.

Love at first sight? Lust at first sight? Which was it?

He literally made love to you...that wasn't fucking, that was love making. You know the pain of being cheated on, so for you to be feeling this- just makes you wonder if Haechan, your ex, was just as into it as Jaemin.

You caught Haechan, sleeping in bed with the girl. You don't know whether she forgot to leave or if he wanted her to stay (the same way Jaemin asked you), but one thing you do know is that she stayed with him and cuddled up so close to him. He looked so peaceful. You got in the room and even had enough time to sit and watch them wake up together. They kissed until they noticed your presence. In an instant Haechan with unknown speed and adrenaline- he jolted with such worry on his face and begged for your forgiveness in hopes that you'd forgive him.

That stupid fucker forgot he was butt naked when apologizing to you.

Is Jaemin feeling like he's on top of the clouds because he didn't get caught? Maybe he is. But you know how this whole cheating thing ends. Although you and Haechan broke up years ago, it still stung, as it left a dirty impact on you. It the reason you started sleeping around, to avoid the pain. It's also the reason you focused on getting ahead in your workplace. Anything and everything to make yourself by dwell.

And now thinking of Jaemin's wife, you can't help but harden your heart.

Stupid men.

Jaemin will get caught one day.

You just hope that you'll never ever be in a position that'll ever make you look like a middle woman. Again.

Of course, over the years after your break up, you slept around and the guilt came from sleeping with other men who were in relationships and the women had caught you sleeping with their significant other.

It's traumatic and you're refusing to experience or relive those moments again. All because of what happened tonight.

Love is dying because of people like you.

So when you get back home laying down on your bed you close your eyes and force yourself to sleep. Although your body is tired and wants to sleep, your soul is awake and reliving the moments you spent in Jaemin's arms. The way he held you and made you feel his all was absolutely something new for you. Usually on your day off from the Police Academy, you'd spend your full day and night in the house resting up your body from the intense police training. However whenever you'd feel spontaneous and a bit horny, you'd walk out your house in the most eye catching outfit and make your way to the bar. Most of the guys you'd meet were not talkers and just went straight for the gist of fucking you. However Jaemin...

"Why can't I stop thinking about him?" You stuff your head on the pillow.

He initiated such an intriguing conversation, capturing your attention for the whole night. Very soft spoken with his raspy voice, had hooking eyes and a mesmerizing smile. You thought he was drunk out of his mind, turns out that's when he's the most functional when trying to hide his stress. The burning lust was behind those sluttery words he'd use to describe how 'so sexy' you were. The sex talk sorta just happened when you put your desires aside to talk and engage with him. You spent your night talking in sexy and tried your hardest to not pounce on his handsome self.

Your conversations involved smut talk, erotica fantasy thoughts and flirtatious touches here and there. He was so dignified and interesting that when he asked you to go back to his place with him, you didn't hesitate to accept. The moment you got close to the door he said he wanted to kiss you, to make sure he wasn't going to regret his choice- and then right outside that bar, you began making out with him. And my oh my was he impeccable. He was a fine young looking man with the sex drive of a demon and you had expectations. He met them for sure- but at what cost?

Hurting his wife and kid while trying to please himself.

You drift off to sleep, ending your Sunday night...pre Monday morning with thoughts over the man Jaemin and how you've landed yourself another mark on being a middle woman.

This has to stop.

So when you wake up Monday morning with determination, you make sure to be set and focused and not think about the night you had. You want to do good today, to make up for the bad of the previous night.

And luckily for you, the moment you get there's a case ready and prepared to be investigated on.

"You'll go with Detective Jaehyun." Your eyes widen when you hear your name paired with the fast paced senior of your entire company district, Detective Jung Jaehyun.

Without wasting a second you get off the discussion table and run behind Jung Jaehyun when his long legs are already walking out the door. You've been on the field for about 13 months now, and you know which ways to go prior to your previous supervisors. It's due to discipline, priority, hard work and dedication why you were the remaining intern out of a set of 10 who you came in with. Each month, you kept pushing yourself and redeeming your qualities to prove yourself worthy to be a full working member of the KPS detectives.

So setting on your game face, you follow Jaehyun who's already outside the building looking at his clock while leaning on his car.

"3 minutes late." He says when looking up at you with a stern gaze.

You point your hand backwards. "The elevator was-"

"That's not my business. Are there no stairs? Exactly." Jaehyun opens his door inserting his foot inside and getting in.

You quickly follow, not wanting to set a bad impression of yourself, after all if you're paired with him it must mean that they've finally recognized your skill set and are (probably) ready to have you in their company.  And what better way to know if you're ready then to send you off on a serious case mission with one of the most toughest trooper alive.

"Once dismissed and sent on field, you should be in the car within a minute. Child murder cases are one of the most toughest, as families expect the police to quote on quote do something. As if it's somehow our fault that these things happen."

You say nothing as Jaehyun retaliates and communicates all by himself somehow having an issue with the case- but from his words you can tell that he also has a problem being paired (or stuck on babysitter mode as he said) with you. Without even a single breath from your end, he drives and follows the GPS coordinates for the house you're supposed to meet the family. Being time sensitive, Jaehyun is already driving into the drive through by the 15 minute mark and walking up the stairs with you following behind grumpily- not long after a minute, other police cars begin to show up.

"I don't want a word from your corner. Zip it until you're spoken to." Jaehyun states as he knocks on the door of the family. "However, what you can do, is what you're interned here for. Write. Write as much as you can about the scene and when we get back to the office, you leave it on my desk. I'll go over it and see if you're needed on the case or not. Tip of advice, make it good because if it were up to me, you'd be gone 4 months ago with the other rookies. There's no room for selfish and standoffish personalities in crime and investigation. Hate to cut it to you, but you don't belong here. Your continuation with our department all depends on the report you'll leave on my desk. Got it?"

Sucking in a breath, you nod your head just in time for the door to swing open with a teary eyed woman.

Only been on the scene a few times, you've managed to always keep a poker face to conceal all your emotions, yet when the broken mother breaks down with every word she tells the officer and investigators you can't help but show just a little bit of emotion.

Sincerely hoping that perhaps you can sympathies with her. Okay...maybe you also did it for selfish reasons being that if she warms up to you, she may prefer to talk to you a lot and that would mean Jaehyun would need to back off. After all, your job is suddenly on the line again.

You walk around the house taking down note of the scenery presented wondering from where you'll start. According to the mother, she has reason to believe that her daughter was killed. Even though there's no body present, the bloody scene of the child's room and even the corridor that has a trail of blood is evidential enough to back up her theory. In the process of writing down and paying close attention to detail and conversation, your mind slowly starts to divert...

Especially after walking into the living room...

There's a long couch. A fireplace. Some dressers with pictures on top. There's also an entry that leads to a long hallway before the front door.

Your lips get dry when your full focus is brought upon one large picture hanging on the hall.

It's a wedding canvas of a woman and man happily linked together.

Jaehyun scoffs. "To think, a murder case occuring to an infamous business man."

"It's too early to suspect anyone, but we're strongly leaning on the husband." An investigator states lowly while entering the living room with Jaehyun. "His side of the story doesn't add up or make any sense. He claims he wasn't at home yet his wife says otherwise. And then he said he came home for a little while but went out again, because he received a work call. But when we asked again he said he went to a club. His narrative gradually became harder to follow, he mentioned that the child went for a sleep over but the wife said something else, but he kept pushing out different stories until he said he'd go out to clear his head."

"How many months is she pregnant?” Jaehyun asks casually seeing you frozen in the living room.

“Hasn’t said a word, seems to be in her prime months so perhaps 4 or 5, fuck me even 2, who knows?” The investigator states.

“Let’s be careful to not start out with a bang." Jaehyun mentions after following your gaze, taking one look at the enlarged photo on the wall. "After all they are public figures." He sighs upon recognizing the face of the man, or rather the already proclaimed suspect. "Owner of Cyberport Cultured Neo Hotels. We need to make sure we’ve got solid and hard proof to pin him down, otherwise this will be a case the media will intrude in. We don’t want that. Got it?"

"Yes sir," The investigator nods his head.

"Well were is he?" Jaehyun sighs while stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Your ears are alert when hearing a door shut. Your eyes divert to the figure emerging from the hall way and it feels like deja vu all over again. Suddenly the hallway where you passionately made out seems to be so clear and vivid in your mind. You can see yourself moaning out his name and him carrying you and placing you on the dresser with pictures. You blink your eyes, hoping that the man that you see now is not the man that you were with hours ago. He's dressed in a black leather jacket. The same leather jacket you set your eyes on at the late night club, the same leather jacket you helped to remove while in your prime thirst of lustful need, that same jacket that fitted and adorned the man who made you feel all sorts of wild emotions of ecstasy and bliss, the man who kissed and called your name like you were making love in heaven...that same man is now looking back at you.

But instead of pure need and lust- his face is struck with horror.

"Jaemin?" You whisper out.

Your name leaves his lips barely above a whisper and he can't help but be frozen in place when remembering your features. He wanted to meet you again...but he didn't think it'd be this soon...in this circumstance. Here you are in the light of his house, wearing a black uniform with a local departments badge on your shoulder, looking just as crazed as he is.

It feels like you've been caught. “Shit.”

It feels like you can’t breath, and if matters can’t get any worse, his wife walks in the living room. Her petite frame looms below him and in her dried out and tear stained face, she wraps her arms around his neck placing a light peck on his lips muttering words of encouragement and asking if he’s feeling any better. As she brings his frozen head down to peck his lips, his eyes are dead locked on your own- even when his wife’s lips touch his, his eyes are only on you. Your chest rises up and down before you spin around rapidly blinking and clearing your throat ignoring the daunting look of Jaehyun. 

-

Jaehyun leans over his desk folding his arms. Ever since the crime scene log, you were very spaced out and Jaehyun wondered why is it that you’ve been on edge. 

Your legs anxiously shake as you grip the material of your trousers, eyes long zoned out with your appearance resembling a corpse. Jaehyun picks up the report again, peeking up from your printed out report feedback sheet taking in your distraught face trying to get your attention, which is far gone. He reads over the last paragraph again before setting the papers on the desk calmly. You don’t budge.

“I’ll get straight to the point.” Jaehyun speaks just as you find yourself jumping in your seat upon hearing his voice. “Do you know Mr. Na Jaemin?”

Jaehyun’s question forces you to grow alert and anxious. Your freaking job is on the line, and you’ve been partnered up with a bulldozer official detective who will not hesitate to send you home- one wrong move and your whole career is gone. You hesitantly nod your head pursing your dry lips together before answering. “He’s a pioneer working in the most sought out for hotels. He’s infamous. Why would I not know him?”

“Valid.” Jaehyun nods his head, yet lifts up the report as if proving an unknown point. “Then what is this report? Out of everyone in the house, you only saw it fit to interview or rather lay out your facts on him? Was he the only person in the house? Aside from that, regarding the report, it seems that you’re exclusively trying to defend him.”

“What?” Your eyes widen. “No.”

“He’s the only name on this report, alongside the other mindless information you put in.”

Your lips stutter before the words come out. “That’s b-because you and the investigators are adamant on locking him up as if he’s the culprit. We’ve barely had enough time to investigate yet you’re already pinning him-”

“Is there anything wrong with claiming he’s a suspect?”

“No there isn’t, but-”

“But what?” Jaehyun leans on his desk his gaze going over your stressed out face. “What is it? Why are you eyes set on him?”

Your head itches and you so desperately want to scratch it without looking like an idiot. Did you really only write about Jaemin? “I’m sorry sir, but he’s a well-known figure. His daughter got murdered-”

“He was in the house at the time it happened.” Jaehyun interrupts. “Is that not suspicious to you?”

You breathe out knowing your argument is weak and could get you removed off premises effective immediately. “It’s not. The whole scene is too clean and the way it’s playing out with Jaemin being a suspect is already suspicious! H-how sure are we that he was the only one in the house? I’m telling you that there has to be someone else behind this. We didn’t even investigate. Have you ever been in a situation where a crime is happening and you have no idea that it’s taking place- yet coincidentally you’re at the place and happen to be a victim but everyone is pointing you out to be a culprit? I strongly believe that this is the position in which Na Jaemin is in. There are many rooms in that house specifically 4. One for him and his...wife and the other was for his child. He could’ve been in his study while the crime was taking place, more over he could’ve been doing something else, who knows, he doesn’t want to expose what he was doing, however in his eyes I can tell that he didn’t do it. Maybe he forgot to close the door and an intruder entered and he couldn’t hear a thing because the intruder was quick. Perhaps the intruder was already in the house when he claimed that he got back, or even the intruder could be someone that works in the house. Who knows? Maybe-"

"You're an intern right?" His question completely stops you. You realized that you've gone overboard in Jaemin's defense. However that's not what the Detective Jaehyun says, because his next words are so sharp that you wished you never even opened up your mouth. "Prove his innocence. I want to know where he was, what he was doing and most importantly how he didn't know his daughter was in the next room being killed. Full report, facts, witnesses and most importantly and effective is evidence."

You breathe.

"If you wish to be a detective writer and want to keep your job here, show me that fire." He gets up picking his black leather jacket on his chair. "I've got cartel, intel and speculations, I usually work alone yet for your intern benefits I'll be trusting you with the victim slash but not comfortable suspect. Try not to mess up. That fire in your eyes right now is what I want to see in your report. Get working."

_

You feel like your heart has stopped.

Because you knew exactly were Jaemin was out through the night of the murder, you thought that you had some leverage and could easily persuade the expecting heart of Detective Jung Jaehyun. However your entire world falls apart when a portion of the evidence you'd use was already tainted with your presence. You had gone to the club where you met Jaemin and with your badge of authority demanded the tapes for analysis.

The owner gave you the section part you asked for (22:00-00:00), with all the relevant angles of the outside area as well as inside. Sitting by your assigned desk going through the video, you felt a peak of satisfaction watching over you as Jaemin's figure entered the bar and the camera caught it in 4k- heck you could even say 5k because of how clear the footage was. He sat on the bar stool that was close to the entrance and the timestamp was within the hours of the murder. He spent a long time in there continuously drinking. Your smile enlightened your face and you couldn't help but already begin on your report.

Everything came crashing down the moment you stupidly realized that you were also there! It didn't help that when you looked at the screen you saw a feminine figure with jet black long hair and a leather black body con dress sit close to Jaemin. At first you're confused of seeing the lady...until you realize IT'S YOU!

Right there in 4k- heck 5K, your back is to the camera yet when you get up and turn around your face can be seen clearly. You and Jaemin share a drink and although your convo is muted, you spend a long time with Jaemin and the timestamp draws nearer to the predicted hour of the incident. You physically shy away and frail like a lizard when Jaemin in the footage moves close to your seemingly expectant self and his lips attach to yours. His kiss - as you remember - was slow yet passionate. He's someone who kisses with his all. Seeing his lips against yours- you can't help but feel an intense amount of guilt wash over you when thinking of his pregnant sweet wife. She didn't deserve this but for some reason a cruel master above has set you up for defamation.

Jaemin takes a hold of your hand and pays for the half finished drinks before leading you to the back. You follow with the security camera and when Jaemin makes it to the backdoor- your eyes pop out when the heavy make out session between the two of you turns wild. You're brought back to that night, how badly you wanted to take him in, make him cum in you right there and didn't care for whoever's watching.

You instantly get out of the security camera footage sending all the files to a little USB drive. You quietly sit in your seat with your head pressed up against your palms. What the hell were you going to do now? Your thoughts are all over the place and you lose track of time not realizing that the sky slowly changes colour; from a sky blue to an almost faded pink-orange hue.

"Fuck." You lowly curse. "What am I going to do now?"

After a moment of thought and moment of silence you get up from your seat and head out. As an intern, you aren't allowed to have a company car and any forms of transportation you'd need, you would need to go with Detective Jung Jaehyun. But with what you were going to do, there's no way you'd want him to tag along. You stand by the lift while sending in a request for an Uber driver.

The thought of an Uber driver makes you think about the night prior when you ordered an Uber driver home... Could it be possible that there was any surveillance outside while you left? If so, that could really help.

Once you're outside and notice the sky color you wonder if you should just clock out instead, but with the driver already outside you don't think twice and just go. The street area is quiet, vacant and you wonder if any houses have security camera as there are no poles of cameras around. You mentally note in your head to check the surrounding blocks and houses nearby if they've got outside cams just in case there aren't any security cams.

As expected some police car departments are present. Cautiously announcing your presence, you're met with only the usual yellow tape surrounding the house with a cleanup team. However the small family of mother and father.....actually the husband and wife, aren't there. With the investigation going on and their daughters blood stains everywhere, they thought it would be best to leave the house vacant so they're staying at a hotel. Thankfully you're given the address, the address of the infamous hotel in which Jaemin owns, but when you catch the sight of the backyard and the sight of black hair with an infamous jacket you sigh out in relief.

It hasn't even yet been a day. You came to work, introduced to your partner, met the family of whom you were to investigate their daughters murder, got appointed to Jaemin, went to the club to get tapes, came back to work to watch the taped and finally being met here...in Jaemin's house, where everything began. You can't help but sigh. It's already been such a long day and afternoon and all you want is get the case over and done with. You didn't like that your private life was on the line of a murder investigation. The faster your prove Jaemin's innocence, the faster you can redeem your position at work and actually be assigned an intern role where you can prove yourself and skills.

This case, with Jaemin in it, isn't proving your skills, it's dangerous and could tarnish your reputation and adding a black stamp and disapproval. You truly need this job, and the faster your finish it, the faster you can move on from this whole mess.

Walking down the backyard stairs and across the little garden where you see Jaemin's eyes fixed on the something in his hand. As you get closer, you see it's a little beige wrist band. "Listen," you start out, probably alarming him because his head sharply snaps to you. Ignoring his tired face, you breathe out. "We need to talk about us."

Jaemin blinks and his jaw clinches. He wipes on his red eyes with back of his hand before they disappear in the pockets of his black leather jacket.

"I found the security-"

"My fucking daughter just died."

Are the first words to leave his lips. They're quiet, yet they were sharp to silence you.

He tilts his head to the side, while his eyes shimmer with disappear. "And you're here wanting to talk about us?"

Your mouth closes feeling your heart shrink by your insensitivity. Jaemin's eyes scrunch up with such distaste, before they're remorseful and turn away.

"She died in my house while I was fucking you and you want to talk about us right now? You came all the way to..."

He can't even look at you, and inside your soul you break by his will to hold himself together while he terribly struggles as the tears leave his eyes. He's quick to use his back hand to wipe the tears but they're already apparent to you.

"My daughter... my little girl...my healthy precious gem, my princess is dead somewhere out there and missing. Fucking missing...and you..." Jaemin's lips tremble. And his tired eyes, exhausted red eyes get watery and your heart stops. He exhales and closes his eyes stuffing his hand with that little beige wrist band in his pocket before glaring up at you. "Don't you dare think that just because we slept together makes us official. What happened that night should stay between us. I don't know you and you don't know me. Got it?"

You're so wrapped up in not getting your ass fired that you forget that something so sensitive had happened. Despite him cheating, he has...had a daughter who he cared for. You see it in his eyes when he blinks and a tear falls down from his eye. He's quick to wiping it away, but it's enough to cause a vain to bulge from his forward and for his face to furrow while looking down.

Your heart aches.

You've always loved the idea of starting a family. You remember that when you were still with Haechan all the conversations you'd had about kids. You both wanted kids. So to see someone who had a kid be in mourning, makes you feel so insensitive.

Did you even care to see the face of the child who was killed?

Even a picture?

No.

All you thought about, was your one night stand with the father of the child.

Your eyes pane down to your clasped hands. "I'm so sorry. I really am." You try to look for the words but you're speechless. You don't have your own kids, so you wouldn't know what he's feeling. But you gulp down and turn back to him, who had taken out the band again to simply look at it. "How old was she?"

It was already in your report briefing file, but after being so insensitive you figure that you could at least pay your respects.

Jaemin sniffs back and you can hear just how much he's holding back. "E-eight." The word alone gets Jaemin in a slump mode. He shuts his eyes tightly. "I'm such a terrible parent, she was in the house and I was with-" he stops himself sucking in a sharp breath.

"Jaemin." You gulp, feeling a different feel to when calling his name. As much as you hate being the middle woman, something about being present with him during that moment makes you feel thankful that you were with him. The fact that you know he's innocent makes you thankful. "You're innocent. You didn't do anything-"

"And because I didn't do anything she was killed. She tried to call for me, but I mistook it to be your moan." He gasps out. "I was in...the house when my...I should've listened to my gutt."

He grunts out and you can hear just how frustrated and gloomy he is at himself. "The reports said she was mute," you quietly add trying to understand what he meant by heard. Surely you would've heard, but she's...she was mute.

"She's deaf. Can't hear anything. Not mute. She's been trying to talk, while wearing hearing aids of course. But, she was still learning." Jaemin scratches the back of his neck shaking his head, the tears making an appearance yet again. "They think I killed her, but can you just imagine how scared she might've felt? Possibly trying to scream with her lungs without a clue how? Or even gasping for air while frantically trying to move her hands? She was scared...my baby, alone in her room, her father in the living room." He sniffs back maintaining a deep breath, cooling himself down. "And now her body is nowhere to be found. At first I thought she could be alive, but after seeing all that blood, her missing body and all these police, ambulance, detectives...you... I just.."

Jaemin slowly crumbles forcing his tears back. Your hand hesitantly lands on his back. Sucking in a cold breath you calmly move your hand along his back in a soothing manner. "We'll find her. I know it's not comforting but we'll find her for you. I'm sorry that this has happened."

"I just can't get out of my head how much she tried to do something. I even think she tried to call for help. Her blood shows how she struggled. There's a messy beeline from her bed to the hallway. It stops right by the bar of stairs." Jaemin runs his hands through his hair, looking into the air. "I swear I heard her voice, I know now that it was her. She tried to call me..."

You hum out quietly. "What does she call you?"

To that, he shuts his eyes tilting his head in agony. He whispers out. "She calls me Abahbah when wearing her hearing aid.. I heard it...she blabbed it out and I ignored it, thinking it was..."

The sounds that leave his lips are one of despair and disappointment.

"She hates wearing it, but she loves hearing my voice." Jaemin scoffs in pity. "If she was wearing her hearing aid, it would be such horrible sounds to hear. Her father moaning out and having the time of his life with someone who's not even his wife..."

All you can do is stand and listen, hearing your heart break every time he reveals a piece about his daughter. His daughter.

"I'm sorry to ask this," His head train to the beige wrist band again. "Can you stay?"

You don't know why that makes you feel relieved, however you feel warm inside knowing he needs...no...he wants you to stay. "Of course,"

"I mean you don't have to but-"

"I'll stay as long as I can," You tell him. "Do you need me to make you some tea? Something to drink?"

While being with him, you realize that it doesn't always have to be about you.

_

Getting back home that night, you can't fall asleep.

A part of you already knew that you'll most likely not fall asleep until this case is done. But now instead of dread, your head is driven to actually assisting the case in finding out what really happened. It kind of brings you back to you past self who was adamant and selfless.

Although Jaemin was in his feels and rambling out his thoughts, he assisted you with Intel to the case. And truly speaking when you entered back in the house, you got out your own camera to take the pictures of the child's blood line from her bed to the hallway. Such a pitiful sight to see. Her father and some random woman. The guilt washes away when you think of it as helping her to find out who took her body.

You want to believe that she's alive, but by the third day upon entering the office you know that her tiny 8 year old body that was in serious drainage of blood and lack of water, couldn't survive. Within three days, you visited Jaemin's wife, Chae and spent a lot of time with her. You learnt just how much Jaemin was a family man as well as well respected and loved because his friends and parents where at the hotel with Chae. They comforted and cried together with her. You helped around a bit with making tea and making sure you weren't sticking out like a sore thumb.

You only saw Jaemin briefly, he locked himself up in their room balling his eyes out and it's where you got to see his father and friends console him. He looked disheveled and so blue. His family were his support. You couldn't stay around the first day because you thought they should bond with their family. You ended up going back to work and working on the case there, where Jaehyun gave you some information of the neighbors and what they heard or possibly heard. Jaehyun also requested for a neighborhood footage, which he would get in a week's time.

You digged a little more deep into potential suspects. Outside of the family, Jaemin was a public figure and was well greatly admired for having managed and maintained a luxurious mansion hotel, Neo Hotels, with a rating of 7 out 10 in Korea. He was a young, aim driven businessman with a handful of competitors. None of which he was friends with, so with no personal interaction you believe that none of his competitors had anything against him aside from business. You go on to checking his close friends as well as Chae, those who were constantly around the family. And opt for interviews with the few. Surprisingly theirs a decrease of people Jaemin and Chae know and you're even more shocked when seeing Haechan as a part of friends that Jaemin knows. Sending him an email as well as a text message, your brain works in hyper mode. Could it have been his friends, someone he worked with or someone in the family?

The only family he stays with is his wife, Chae.

It was hard looking at her in the eye knowing fully well that you slept with her husband, but conversation was eased in when talking about her daughter; Na Daejun. Which you slowly learnt (around the second day) that Daejun was actually not her child but Jaemin's child...well his sisters child. His sister had been pregnant but was induced by a chronic illness which led to giving birth to her child prematurely and eventually taking her lasts breath before dying.

When you asked about the father of the child, Chae briefly mentioned that Jaemin's sister had been raped. With all the new information piling up on top of you, you can't help but feel even more depressed at the fact that Jaemin could be mourning over his sister again. Again, you've never had siblings of your own so you can't imagine what Jaemin is going through. Upon looking at Daejun's baby pictures, you instantly can tell how close Jaemin was to her.

Around the third day 6 out of the 7 friends you messaged agreed to have a chat interview with you. The fourth who rejected the interview was actually overseas, so you ruled him out. You ended up speaking to 6 people separately. Two cooperated and were ready to help with the investigation in anyway that they could, because they were torn and weren't even aware of the struggle their poor friend, Chae had gone through. Three of them, (Jaemin's friends) who you already met in the hotel when visiting Chae, where hands down literally doing their own digging without the investigators and we're of big help to you. They gave you news on where Daejun went to school, which parents didn't like her because of her hearing difficulties and how the teachers would favour her over their own kids- it's as though they were Daejun's big brothers.

The love they have for Jaemin is unfathomable and you're relieved with all the information you got, thanks to Jungwoo, Mark and Kun. You don't even want to suspect them because of how protective they were with her, however Mark stood out most to you because on that day he mentioned that Jaemin asked him if he could drop Daejun home from school. He said he stayed with her until Jaemin came home. Warning signs because according to Jaemin he never came home around he afternoon- only at night and night you were with him.

The last person you talk to is Haechan.

As much as it pissed you off to engage with your ex of more than 3 years, you are tongue tied seeing him. For some reason, for some odd reason the mere thoughts of: Why did he cheat on you? Surface in your brain.

The thoughts keep you from greeting him or even making eye contact with him. In a tense silence you both drink your cups of tea, because coffee is too strong. Not only do you pick up the cup simultaneously but you also take a sip equally before placing it down. You feel nothing from common similarity, however Haechan smiles at how old habits die hard. He tries to not pay mind to the silence, hoping that he'll get his chance to speak to you. After all it's been 3 years.

"I don't think you're of any use to me, or this case." Your sudden open-ended question comes out rigid and you bring out your mini notepad and pen to jot down his words (or give you a distraction) instead of thinking and looking at him. "So I'll make this quick."

His scoff emits the same palpable tension in the air. So much for hoping he could speak to you. You didn't change. Your name leaves his lips naturally, just like when he used to call you to come back to the present and away from work. You don't look at him. You don't give him the power to gaze into your eyes and make you feel like shit.

The day you broke up with him, seemed like the most easiest days of your life. However the crawling yearning belittling emotions in you weren't at ease. You were in constant reminder, by all the small things, that he left you for someone else.

You thought you were a good girlfriend, who gave him space and allowed him to do his job, who was present and attended to his needs...most of the time, but you had no argument that you were a stable girlfriend who didn't give him any headaches (unlike Jaemin who managed to swiftly get into your mind, Haechan was simply by chance why you still stayed with, so he should've felt honoured)- but then why would he do what he did?

Why did he do what he did?

You were physically attached to him, he gave you safety and the best comfort after each and every case. You were emotionally attached to him, especially when he'd listen to everything you had to say, in fact the communication was the strongest point and unit in your whole relationship-

"You're gone again."

Blinking several times you inhale and click on your pen writing scribbles on you paper pretending to write something important when nothing but the thoughts of him cloud up in your head.

"You haven't looked at me once since you walked i-"

It begins. His way of trying to apologize.

"I heard you're friends with Jaemin."

He rolls his eyes. "Can we please talk about us before we get into-"

"We can't talk about us, when there's a murder case that has to be closed. You know I don't work like that. My time is moving."

"Oh my god. Y/n. I really thought you changed." He shares his thoughts. "But you're still the same. Come on please,"

"I'm not off." You're distaste can be heard and you try not to look at him in disgust. You simply try to carry on with what you came here to do. "What do you think of Jaemin?"

You will not give him the privilege.

"I get that this is a case and you're questioning me-"

"How would you describe Jaemin during college, assuming you go way back?"

"-We'll talk for a moment about the case but can we just-"

"How come you're listed as his friend when you have minimum contact with him-"

"-hell Y/n, can we just tal-"

The constant back and forth and talking over each other creates such an imbalance that a few cafe seaters turn to look at you two, but you digress and continue asking all your questions - cutting him off just as he wants to speak. It goes on for a really long 2 minutes, the questions continuously pouring out of you, until he stops talking and sighs leaning back frustrated on his seat.

"Has he ever evoked suspicious details?"

His mouth twists in anger and he waits for you to look at him but you don't. "Y/n-"

Roughly you get up from your seat clicking your pen and shoving it back in your pocket. Not even looking at him, you take some steps away from the table, your back is turned and you walk away, while speaking up for him to hear. "Thank you Mr. Lee for your time and lack of answers. I'll cross you off the list now."

"It was you, wasn't it? The girl he slept with."

Dramatically that makes you pause for some seconds, before breathing in avoiding his eyes and continuing to leave.

"Or should I say it like him? Death in the seductive form of a lady with spectacular eyes,"

You ignore him getting your hand on the door.

Banging the table whilst scrapping his chair back as he sprints up- draws your attention forcing you to stop.

"C'mon Y/n don't leave again! For hell's sake just listen to me. Are you really going to be so wrapped up in your own head ignoring that you're just as guilty in this matter?"

You hesitate with your next step but brush it off continuing and getting closer to the door.

"Fine. You wanna be that way? Okay." Donghyuck grumbles, clearing his throat to prepare his next words. "You fucked him in his house while his kid was being murdered. Admit it-"

Your neck sprains from the heavy lifting words that spoil out of his mouth, as you glare at him. Your breath hitches in your throat.

"He thought you were an assistant to an assassin." Donghyuck seriously trudges. "Keeping him distracted while his kid was being murdered. Is this seriously what you've become? You leave me and go on to spreading your legs for-"

"Shut the fuck up!" You storm to the table with a befuddlement. "Have you fucking lost your mind? I didn't sleep with anyone-"

His eyes give light to an emotion of desperation, until you realize it's not desperation in his eyes but hurt. Oddly, you feel satisfied when you assume he's hurt that you slept with someone, but your emotions are crushed by his next words and the look of hurt shifts into mocking and belittling.

"I'm surprised you're trying to help him when all you care about is yourself." What he really means, is how on earth Jaemin got you so invested in him. Because the you he knows, would never not once put in everything for a person. You were selfish. "In fact, I'm willing to bet you don't even care about him. You're trying to save your ass. I can't blame you. You slept with him on the day his kid died-"

"I'm not trying to save myself-"

"He cleaned up and thought about you all night long. And here you are actually trying to save him. But you can't even take a minute to listen to me to try and understand-"

"Understand what? It's not about you!" You snap.

"It's not about you either! But still, till this day your head won't allow you to think about others. It's always you!"

"I'm so sick of this- just tell me where you heard what you heard and I'll fucking leave you alone. And stop speculating about me. I'm literally still in this case because he's innocent-"

He scoffs. "You know he's innocent because you slept with him. I bet you if you never did, you would've locked him up."

"You know what. I'm not here to play your stupid games and listen to you blabber." You point out. "I don't have time for this, or for you."

"That's why I slept with her." Haechan burns out, making your breath halt just a your eyes squint. "You never had any time for me. You kept me around as some form of item instead of a person. So now I'm finding it hard to believe that you're actually defending this man. Even besides the fact that you slept with him, you would've still locked him up. But you're still helping him? Why? You couldn't spare time for me to talk, but you initially stayed and spoke to Jaemin the whole night before going to fuck him."

Your tongue pokes your cheek. "You're even stressing on his behalf. But you never ever cared on my behalf. He's a good person and you used him. He's sex deprived, and like the being he is, he stroked off to you, balls deep and eyes shut in ecstasy as he thought about you. He didn't get to finish as his wife came back home with a tired gaze. She passed him and went straight for her room when she yelled out. He stopped thinking about you, got his hands out his sweats and attended to his wife only to be mortified at what he saw. What the fuck did you guys talk about that also has him thinking deeply about you? I used to think about you do much, hoping you'd think of me to. But you never did." A long pause rests in the air. Your eyes hollow and evident of your guilt as you hear him. His eyes gaze back into your eyes, there's a strong aura of overwhelming heat of guilt upon the room, mostly upon you, Haechan is just glad that he has you back and this time you're listening. "Am I still going to be scratched from the list?"

Glaring to the side, you catch pairs of eyes that quickly look away. Groaning out by your unprofessional manner you pull out your badge long enough for all the on lookers to grasp where you're from. No use getting random phone calls to the station of two people discussing a serious matter in bursts of anger.

You take a seat and fold your arms, your eyes on Haechan, firm and serious never blinking. He takes a seat too. You don't even speak, giving him the floor as he desperately wanted it. "Y/n I'm sorry for-"

You breathe out in heaps of anger.

"I know an apology isn't what you want to hear, especially from me," Haechan continues regardless of your eye roll and bouncing leg of anxiety.

"Haechan-"

"However it's what you're gonna get if you want the full story. I'm sorry Y/n. I really am." He voices out, trying to look sincere, but he looks more guilty then sincere. Not only was he nervous for actually talking back to you in the manner he did, but he felt bad for demanding your attention only to state his cheating ways again. So knowing that you won't listen to his one way apology (he knows you're only interested in Jaemin) he tries to play the victim card. "On that morning you caught me with that her, you didn't give me a chance to explain myself-"

"Oh please. As if what you did needed explanation." You roll your eyes.

Haechan sighs quietly and nods his head. "You're right. That night you had just called that you were gonna be working over time. Again. I was mad and angry that you stood me up, again. I was at the restaurant by myself. Looking like a fool while watching people come, eat and go. Should I say 'again'? Because really I've watched people arrive, eat and go in every restaurant all by myself because you never had time for me. In fact, not only in restaurants, but generally you never ever just sat down next to me asking me anything about myself, or how my day was. That night, I was beyond mad. I watched, I waited for you and all you could do was send a short text saying, sorry I'm tired. I worked overtime, I won't be home tonight, I'll be in the office. I'll never ever forget that night. I can say all the things I wanted from you that night, but it won't change anything now. It wasn't even the first time you had left me, so I got used to you not showing up when I needed you. Heck even the chef... The chef, she knew me specifically because you'd never show up and I'd always eat by myself...sometimes with her. But-"

"If you're trying to guilt trip me, then it's not going to work. You're the one who cheated." You point him sharply refraining yourself from getting worked up and angry. But you're already so heated. How dare he blame you for an action be did? Although you said his guilt trip wouldn't work on you, you admit that you were kind of unfair towards him in some ways. But you won't give him the satisfaction to know it actually wounded your ego, because despite everything, it still hurts being cheated on. "Don't forget it. Don't forget that you cheated. Not me."

"And that's why I understand why Jaemin did it. Why he fucked- no. Let me use his words." Haechan bites back on his lip while balling his fists. "Why he made love to you that night. I understand why, after years of cancelling his premium therapy membership, that he called me up just so he could talk about what had happened. He doesn't know that I know you, he doesn't even know that you know me, in fact I didn't even know that he was talking about you fully. He mentioned your name, but the words he said afterwards shocked me because I know you. The you that I know, only thinks of herself. You're selfish. Not selfless. All he knows is that he slept with someone who was not only purely satisfying and selfless. When he said that while saying your name, I was perplexed because that's not you. He's confused and mourning and the only person who can believe him is someone who he cheated with. That's you by the way."

You're attentive to his words, but feel so guilty just like him and you hate that he's putting you in his shoes and then putting you back in your own shoes.

"When I slept with the chef, it was to feel love. I know now that it was stupid of me to do that, but what assurance could I have gotten when every time I set up an appointment on your free day, you decided to work?" Haechan questions himself as if he's back to that day. "Same with Jaemin, his motive was simply because he needed to be fucked to forget. H-he's a man who's been sex deprived from his wife, who he's convinced is lying about her pregnancy. Honestly loyalty lasts long when everything's alright within the relationship. But the moment something snaps, you begin to wonder why you were loyal in the first place. And that's Jaemin, his motive for being with you was because his wife was dishonest somewhere and somehow. Unfortunately for Jaemin, the one time he chose to be disloyal... he happened to choose to be disloyal not knowing the aftermath. Unfortunately for you, you're entangled in this messy situation with him. Why did you sleep with him?"

Your lips are sealed. But your thoughts are bouncing off the wall. "You mentioned his premium therapy membership before he cancelled. How did you meet him?"

"We go way back since college because he was amongst my first clients. I'm his therapist. He ended his membership the moment his sister died. The night he found out about his daughter, he called me, on a private phone with a private line, and tried to explain everything that happened. Unfortunately that's all I know. He now calls me from time to time to ask for methods he can use to mourn peacefully while being under the watchful eyes of the police. I'm sharing this confidential information with you because we both know he's innocent. I'm sharing this with you, because if there's still a way for me to get back into your heart, the I'll glady take it. I've been-"

You roll your eyes coming close and cutting him off while muttering. "I don't care what you've been up to. Go fuck someone else until you forget me. It's been working for me, hopefully it'll work for you." You don't care if it's harsh, you don't care if you're being rude by walking out the cafe without another word. All you know is that he gave you all the information he knows.

Before leaving the store, you look back once, seeing him run his hands through his hair.

_

The next days are filled with you cramping up your brain with investigation. You barely sleep, looking at the case at every second to prove Jaemin's innocence. Being in Jaehyun's team, consisting of you, some other man known as Taeil (Jaehyun tasked him with the main focus to locate the body) and Jaehyun himself- you guys are task force 3, faced with dealing with the child and her location. While other units and forces are tasked heavily on finding the killer. However as you're trying to prove Jaemin's Innocence, from time to time you're cooperative with the other units in order to receive information.

Aside from that, your unit is pretty eccentric and busy all the time, even in ways that you've never been busy before, to the extent that even when you wash your dishes you only see the blood of the poor child.

With Jaemin being a primary suspect, and Mark being a secondary suspect, you're surprised that they both have alibis.

Haechan (despite you excluding and hiding everything he said) served as an alibi for Jaemin (as proven in the short text he sent you, that he'll keep his mouth shut if you needed him too. And you did). While Jaemin's wife Chae served as an alibi for Mark saying she was the one who was present and that Marked made a small innocent mistake by switching up the names.

Being in a meeting right now you're not expecting your phone to buzz. But it does causing you to react quickly. Ever since sending an email to meet up with Haechan, he's been using the email platform to engage into conversation with you.

Mr Lee Haechan:

Don't forget to drink water

Have a good day!

Aside from trying to work on the Jaemin case, your phone's been pretty scattered with emails from Haechan.

You:

Go fuck someone else until you forget about me.

Is what you told Haechan, and its still what you're telling him. Frankly speaking...

There's absolutely no reason to defend Jaemin, except your job being on the line, but aside from that, you free willingly put yourself in a dangerous mission to save him, especially when everyone is against him. Haechan's constant messaging got you to a deep pot of realization.

You'll never admit it to yourself, but consciously you know why you slept with him. And the person who helped you realize it, was non other than Haechan. You always knew why, you just could never admit it. While you were always busy for Haechan, for Jaemin you felt available. It's bizarre because you only spoke to him that night, but you were hooked onto him so strangely.

You wanna apologize to Haechan. But apologizing would mean giving him another chance. And you don't want that.

The break up, even before the cheating scandal, was already in motion. You loved Haechan for the person he was and always being ready to put you first, but, you hated how busy you were and how free he was. He just wanted to be with you, but you had to focus on your work and yourself. He's someone who's selfless and always puts others needs before his own, hence him always saying it's okay even when it's not. The outcome of being selfless is hurting alone inside and causing an unbalanced outburst of emotions. You both studied psychology, him for his work in therapy and you for insight on criminal behavior. You both know how an outburst of emotions can be deadly. In your case, and his case, it resorted to him cheating.

It's good to finally get the answer that you've been looking for of why he cheated on you, but it hurts knowing that your prediction of him not being happy in the relationship was true. You wish you could give him all your time, but you can't forsake yourself just to make him happy.

But now why is it different with Jaemin? In a way, he's almost similar to Haechan by being selfless. However why is it that you want to give him your time. You don't have to save yourself, you can lock him up just as all the evidence proven is already on him. Yet... You're trying to save your ass by helping him prove his innocence.

You know the answer, but you refuse to let it sink in.

So you're working, day and night to get him out your head and out your heart.

He's grieving and cares about nothing else. His world is falling apart, just like the way it was when he was in the bar making fun of all his problems (except for his wife which he refused to mention), only except this time, you want to be by his side. He doesn't deserve this. You're being selfless for him.

"Intern." You jump and blink upwards towards Jaehyun. "If I see you spacing out once more, you're off the case. I can't have you day dreaming every quarter of the day."

"Sorry."

Jaehyun stares at you, long enough for you to feel uncomfortable and change your seating position. "Pay attention. Taeil thinks he's got a lead. Taeil, you may continue."

Taeil, in his black jeans and buttoned down black shirt moves over to the white board which is adorned with all our findings and possible clues. "We've always thought that the body might've been carried out through the girl's window. But we spotted something yesterday." Taeil pins onto the board two images of grassland as well as road tracks. "Drops of blood."

You lean in your seat paying close attention. Any information is information for your ears, the D.A is already at your neck about locking up Jaemin and you can't let that happen.

"We found the blood on the doorstep of the backdoor and on the road in the back alley. Coincidence that it might've been for a stray or passer, we disagree because we tested the blood and it's a match to the girl." Taeil runs a hand through his hair. "Meaning, the body was carried, but it was wrapped in something sealed tight that only drops of blood could be let out. Right now, we've got 6 search dogs on different routes, searching for another possible droplet."

"Why not use the security camera on the block? Have you not yet received it?" You enquire.

"Honestly getting the fucker on cam and closing this case would be the best thing right now." Taeil turns his head in your direction. "The security camera footage has been stolen. My guess, the person who hid the body has the tape. We opted for a copy of the tape, they told us it's already been sent to the prospects. We ask Jaemin if he received any tape, he lyingly said no feigning crocodile tears. It's obvious that he has it and is lying. I'm strongly leaning on Jaemin."

"Not only that, he has barely been to his house. Something's off-putting about him, and he's starting to slip." Jaehyun inputs.

"Why not Chae?" You surprise yourself as well as Jaehyun and Taeil. But you roll on with the dice you threw. "They live in a hotel, a hotel that he owns. Jaemin hasn't been to his house in 4 good days and has spent it in his office grieving for his child. Meanwhile Chae is constantly on sight despite being pregnant. Why suspect Jaemin of stealing the tape when he hasn't been around, for all we know it could've been another detective. He's a simple man grieving now because he just lost his fucking child. I'm not trying to disrespect you or your words, but I think we should still keep our options open on who we think the suspect is."

"We can't keep the line open because it's goddamn self explanatory of who the killer is." Taeil rebuts. "Besides, that's not our department."

"It's not Jaemin-"

"Look if you wanna be a lawyer and prove his innocence you're in the wrong department-"

"You said you found droplets of blood on the backdoor exit and back alley, you asked for a tape and they claimed that they gave it to the prospects. I'm not complaining, my problem is why would he hide the tape?"

"Because he's the killer." Taeil deadpans, his head so wrapped around Jaemin being the killer.

"No. Listen to yourself. If he's the killer, you mean to tell me, he killed his child in her room, had a chance to escape the house and go wherever with the child and return back to the house, with no print? I strongly disagree. He said he was in the house all through out the night, even when the police were called, he was in the house. He never left the house-"

"I don't trust a word that guy says. His narrative kept changing whenever we asked him were he was."

"That doesn't mean you get to-"

"You weren't kidding when you said she's hell bent on taking his side." Taeil peers to Jaehyun tiredly cutting you off. "Why'd they pair her up with you? Listen here intern. We're not going to do things your way. When evidence is present we stay on it until we have the person confess or behind bars."

The rest of the discussion goes on with Taeil and you bickering about Jaemin's innocence before Jaehyun calls it progress getting us to end the meeting due to our endless back and forth comments.

"You argue like a kid. An illiterate kid might I add. All the facts are laid out in front of you, the defense attorney general is already filing up a lawsuit and you're still asking for more time on Mr Na Jaemin." Jaehyun rephrases out your whole situation in a nutshell. But everything is far from being in a nutshell. "Why? I'll keep asking this question until the end of this case, so get used to it. I'm really curious as to why you're pushing every moral you learnt in your years and months of training, for Mr Na. What did you see? Did you see something? What is it? Tell me, because I'm a second away from handcuffing him myself."

"Sir, please just give me, more time-"

"We don't have that time you're looking for. Other units have already closed in on Jaemin, his own family is already suspecting him and on top of that the faster we get him in and interrogate him, the faster we can find his child and where he hid her body."

You stand firm giving your best determination stare. "Sir. Give me just 3 days."

"3 fucking weeks have passed since we started this case. It's not looking good if we keep this open for a month, the prosecutors will take over the case and we'll be underneath their control. I don't work like that. We need to pack up and lock up now."

"Fine. Give me a day. Please." You beg.

Jaehyun folds his arms running his tongue against his lips. His eyes, hollow and deep, show how much he's neglected sleep for this case. If you think you've been working hard, then you certainly haven't seen how strained Jaehyun has worked and how easily he found all the clues to close in on Jaemin. However Jaehyun is no fool. With your compartment and the way you've been acting around the whole case, his active brain worked out that you may have had some kind of entanglement with Jaemin. It wasn't only him, Taeil questioned your motive on multiple occasions, however today he asked if you were Jaemin's lover of the past or else it made no sense why you defended him when all the ways were pointing to him.

Holding back his tongue from what he believes, he simply eyes you, and with the way you don't back down, your eyes pleading for some more time. Your eyes urge him to investigate you and Jaemin's relationship. It's why he nods his head when he says: "You've got the rest of this day and tomorrow. No more chances. Get going."

You don't have time to express your contentment when you're already picking up your phone and ordering a ride-

"Intern."

You stop by the elevator when Jaehyun calls you back. "Yes sir?"

"I'm locking him up tomorrow if you have nothing."

You thought that you'd be fueled up and eager to get moving, however once you get inside your ride and give the address of the hotel, you're drained, frustrated and overwhelmed. It's not fair. Jaemin is innocent. He didn't do anything, but surprisingly all the evidence has been pointing to him. The neighbors claim that they last saw him taking her to school in the morning as usual, the parents at school claimed that a male picked her up (most likely Mark) but the team of detectives are hell bent on making it all about Jaemin. His wife claims that she wasn't well and went to the clinic the whole day (she's got a doctor's note to prove it). However she claims that Jaemin took the child to the sleepover centre- to which Jaemin strongly denied but nobody listened to him. It's even worse when the sleepover centre mentions that the child hadn't come. So officers are leaning on the fact that Jaemin could've killed her since the afternoon and he hid her body and feigned ignorance.

The case runs all over your head when you enter the prestigious hotel, which has slightly been affected by the situation in which Jaemin is a main suspect. It's really alarming how the media gets it's sources and are always ready to twist and manipulate facts.

You walk past the guard giving him a tight smile as he knows who you are and opens up the door for you letting you pass. You're about to head on to their top leveled apartment until your eyes latch onto a familiar black leather jacket, black drenched hair and dispirited Jaemin making his way through. Your eyes narrow a bit when following his direction with your eyes. Your legs are no stranger to stalking as you walk up following him and where ever he's going. He enters through a door entitled staff only. You get your badge ready just in case you have to use it. Its not until you open up the door to an empty white lit corridor leading in one direction.

You carefully walk along the path until you spot some stairs that lead to an underground basement filled with (assumedly) residents cars. The parking area is darkly dim, with no sign of staff members to watch over the cars.

You freeze in your step, when your eyes catch a figure standing by a grey door. It's Jaemin. Your breath hitches in your throat when he leaves the door open and enters inside...

Your legs take in the invitation as you climb down the rest of the stairs passing by the parking set of expensive cars before following the passage way until you reach the door that's blending in with the wall. The door is already open, so you enter inside- with your eyes slightly straining from the brightness of the pure white light in the room- office....private parking?

The office is large, with a clear see though desk holding up a laptop and some documents. By the side of the office there's some frames of photo certificates of different deals. Jaemin's handsomely in some pictures shaking hands while at the same time, other photos are simply signed certificates. However, what throws you off the most is the sleeked back, navy blue, extravagantly catching the light by its posh outline.

Seeing as Jaemin is nowhere in the office, you most likely think he's in the car. And strangely enough he's inside the car, drinking from a whine glass sophisticatedly. Trying your luck, seeing as though he knew you where following him and wanted you to follow him, you pull open the door that's unlocked.

Not even hesitating, your leg steps inside the posh car and you comfortably situate yourself before closing the door.

Inside the car, there's light air conditioning, music swaying gracefully along the speakers softly and a carefree and unbothered male sitting on the driver's seat while drinking from his wine glass. Aside from the music playing, it's silent in the car as you listen to Jaemin adorn himself in the drink and the air condition leak out cool streams of air. Behind the gear stick, there's a little presentable set of a tray with the darling red whine bottle.

Jaemin leans towards your side opening up the compartment lid and taking out a wine glass with a handkerchief. Cleaning the glass and setting it down on the tray next to his empty glass, he begins to fill up the glasses and smoothly tilts a filled glass towards you.

Silently you take the glass from it's steam and chuckle, which delightfully gets him to smile despite the darkness underneath his eyes. Feeling like you're in the bar again, you take a small sip of your drink before turning your gaze to him. With flattery, you catch his attention when you speak.

"Wine," You smile, teasingly, imitating the way you first spoke when you were in the bar. "That isn't a drink to drink alone. Mind if I join?"

Jaemin's lips quivers revealing a little smile. He picks up on his own glass meeting yours half way as you both clink on it. He takes one big gulp, finishing the whole glass, while you take another sip, letting the flavour and the taste swirl around your taste buds. "So, what's the occasion? A fine lady like yourself shouldn't be in a place like this," He perfectly recalls your conversation, causing you to engage and pursue the way you did.

"I could say the same for you," you giggle, crossing your legs and leaning back on your seat. Just like when you were at the bar, he looks nervous and a bit hesitant. "It's not everyday, I come across a distressed man drowning wine instead of alcohol," You try to tone down a bit.

However, he sharply intakes a deep breath also leaning back on his seat. "What can I say," He surprisingly turns his head into your direction. Your breath hitches in your throat when his enduring dark brown eyes take in your being. He literally looks at you, causing the pits of your stomach to flutter. "I'm merely a god. I'm simply a man with problems, sitting next to a goddess with the most spectacular eyes,"

You nervously laugh, your inability to make eye contact for a long period dawns on you and you turn away. However Jaemin's eyes are still on you, analyzing your neck sinking and the coats on cheeks lightly changing colour.

That makes him smile, relaxed and free. Just like the first time he laid his eyes into your own enchanting soul. He sets his empty glass down on the tray, his fingers moving along his own while he constantly fumbles on deciding whether to continue drinking as planned or...draw into this conversation and see where it leads to.

You drink your drink avoiding eye contact, but your lips tugging upwards brightens your face. Jaemin's fingers itches to feel how warm your face is yet he refrains himself.

"How are you?" You ask, when noticing he's lost a bit of weight and a lot of his charming smile.

Jaemin blinks away the stars before focusing back on you.

"I heard you had a service of burial last week Saturday... without her body," You mention, your eyes finding his again. "It must've been hard."

Jaemin takes in a breath nodding his head, consciously aware of who you are now. A detective. Instead of answering you, he takes out his phone unlocking it and instantly seeing his little girl, Daejun's eyes.

You lean in when he brings his phone close to you, showing you a picture. In such a pretty beige dress with white hems, Jaemin crouches down beside her with his arms wrapped around her. Your eyes find his again (which are tenderly already on you) for a second before you both make it back to the pictures. He nudges his phone towards you and you take it in your hands, sliding to the next picture and next and next. There's even a picture and video were he's doing her hair. Jaemin's approximation with his child only mourns into your heart, as you think of your own parents and the day you were mourning over them.

Jaemin was an ideal father figure for the little girl. If you didn't know that it was his sisters child, you would seriously believe that it was his child. Then again, he took the child in as his own. He built a bond with her from the very beginning. You even tear up a bit when seeing that he had a picture of her at birth inside of the incubator breathing chamber for premature babies. You see Jaemin everywhere with little Daejun, she was his own daughter.

"My parents..." You sniff when releasing that it does hurt. "I never...they both died after giving birth to me. My mum in labour and my dad in a car accident while driving to the hospital." You smile tightly and shut your eyes afraid of letting the tears out. "She's...really lucky to have had a dad like you. I'm sorry for your loss,"

Jaemin's eyes are glued to the picture and he nods his head. "I'm sorry about your parents,"

"It's okay, I never really knew them," You hum out. "But, thank you. Honestly, you reminded me of my childhood. These pictures, brought back those times I spent at the orphanage home. And that day when I came by to your house, and spoke as though your child meant nothing, really reminded me that it's not easy to lose someone dear to your hear."

"Can I share something with you too?" He asks meekly. You give him your attention, allowing him to take refuge in your silence as he speaks. "I'm sorry for that night. That night I...asked you to sleep with me. I should've been fully honest that I was married and had a kid. Maybe if I was honest.."

You breath out and nod your head. "Are you blaming yourself again?"

Jaemin doesn't say anything, and when you look at him, he's deep in himself looking tired. "I should've been there." His tears are unintentional but when they're by the brim of his eyes and he blinks, your hand mindlessly cups his cheeks as your thumb wipe gently under his eye. Your hand goes underneath his other eye before landing back against his cheek. "If only I paid close attention to her that day, then I wouldn't have lost her..."

You have no words to say, no words of comfort, no words to shake off how useless he was feeling. You also felt like shit after finding out he had a child and a wife. Your hand does the talking, allowing him to cry as your touch brushes underneath his ear to massage his hair. Careful not to accidentally knock over the glasses, your other hand sets the glasses on the empty cupholder closer to your seat, and the wine bottle down and finally removing the tray placing it down. Fixing your position you allow yourself to lean close just to run your fingers into his hair and onto his scalp.

Jaemin's eyes blissfully close by the sensation your fingers bring and by the feeling you provide. He leans into your touch while leaning back on his seat, simply watching you. To think you were an orphan. It would make sense on your views and why you were sensitive. At the bar, you came with full intent to get laid, but when he started to speak to you and you considered a conversation, he noticed that you seemed hurt and afraid to open.

You both barely spoke about yourselves yet you seemed to understand and know each other just by the way your eyes were on each other.

"For the past couple of months, my wife and I were rocky with each other. Avoiding each other because of a misunderstanding and this growing dislike to one another. She was getting a bit too comfortable with going behind my back and making deals, and having this idea of sending Daejun overseas to finish her studies. I mean, it's not a bad idea, but Daejun's deaf and from the beginning I've been with her. Heck, I vowed to always be there for her," He sighs.

Staying quiet for a bit allowing himself to recall the days before this incident.

"I've always been there with her and for her. I didn't like the idea of her being far at such a young age. I mean, was it wrong for me to want to be close to her until maybe the day she graduated? I just wanted to protect her and be with her, teach her things, learn with her, watch her grow, see her smile, care for her, comfort her, help her whenever she needed me...I just wanted to be there for her. Its all I want.." Jaemin's eyes lower. "It's all I wanted,"

"After stating that I didn't agree, that I didn't want to let her go, Chae got so furious." Jaemin continues. "She signed Daejun for aftercare and day-care services, and registering her to live at a dormitory home for mute and deaf kids. Anything concerning Daejun, Chae would take it upon herself to make final decisions without my consent."

You frown, whilst still patting his head. "How come?"

"I don't know. And whenever I ask, she'd tell me Daejun went for sleepover at her friends place. Only to find out that Daejun had been going to aftercare after school and straight to the dormitory. I cancelled that immediately, only to find out that Chae, as my wife, opted that all matters concerning Daejun should be informed only to her because I, as Daejun's father was too busy. She changed it all," Jaemin shakes his head slowly. "I thought they had a good relationship, but when Daejun asked me to start taking her to school, because she didn't want to be around Chae, I understood that Chae really did a number on her. I spoke to Chae, and that's where the arguments began. It got to the point where I wanted to leave with Daejun. Chae got too controlling of Daejun, or rather just trying to get Daejun out the house. So I warned her that I'd leave her if she kept doing what she was doing." Jaemin scoffs.

As a middle person, you have no right to enter into their relationship problems. But as a detective, this is all news to your ears. However, right now, as he himself is confiding in you, you gradually engage with him. "So why didn't you leave her?" You feel 'botchy' for asking that kind of question, however the gears in your head are turning. Leaving Chae or resolving the matter back then, could've probably not led up to this.

Not to say you were suspecting Chae, but...Chae's pursuit to get rid of Daejun has kind of worked. Except Daejun's dead.

"She told me that I can't leave because she's got a child." Jaemin answers."

"Her pregnancy right now?" You ask. Recalling Haechan's words and how he said Jaemin thinks she's faking it, or that she's not really pregnant- you can't remember it well, but Haechan's words come to mind.

"I couldn't leave her, because I had to take responsibility for what I did. That's until I found out." Although he looks indifferent to Chae's distaste for Daejun, you notice his face changes when talking about Chae's pregnancy. He looks almost disappointed and ashamed. "Stillborn."

Your eyes widen by his words. Making your busy thoughts halt. Stillborn? Chae's baby. Chae has a stillborn baby? The baby...is dead?

"There's a doctor's report somewhere in the house." Jaemin shuts his eyes, and you can only imagine that he's pouring in anguish as his jaw trembles and tongue pokes his cheek. "On that same day that Daejun disappeared Prior. Early in the morning. After dropping Daejun. After Chae went to the hospital. I found the report and read it. I tried to confront her about it... But...the thought of saying it out loud. That my first actual child was sitting dead in that womb. That my first unborn child was no longer living. That maybe, because of the stress in the house, I caused Chae to lose our child. A child which I hadn't even laid eyes on...my child was dead. The responsibility that I stayed for, was no longer there. I couldn't... I don't know why you she didn't tell me. Why she kept carrying it while knowing that it was dead? On the other hand, she kept trying to push Daejun out the house, as if it was Daejun's fault.... I know it's stupid to think that. But the fact that my child had died months ago, and she kept making life harder for my little gem filled me with frustration, pain, but most of all regret. For so many things. I don't even remember where I went. I was limbo. All I know is that I was tired. The thought of leaving her crossed my mind, but after finding out about my stillborn baby... I just wanted to comfort her until she would be okay. I even thought staying with her, along with Daejun would make up for her loss...our loss. I wanna say that, we did that to the baby, but in me deep down I keep blaming myself. I remember just trying to get rid of everything I was feeling. But on that day, I don't even remember my thoughts. They were too much. I... Chae's been keeping secrets from me, acting strange with Daejun- now that I think of it, Daejun would ask...would sign to me, if Chae was angry with her. I was... To be vague, sleeping with you made me wonder why I put up with her in the first place. Why I let myself be trapped and lost in this predicament?"

He stayed with her because of her new growing baby in her womb. But that morning he found out that the baby was actually dead. It set him off character. It's on that same night he went out to the bar and slept with another woman...with you.

Your brain begins to work in detective mode. While your ears are sincerely open to everything he saye, your mind was piecing pieces together. This could be the key to his innocence. It makes sense why he never spoke up during his confession statement. He was in and out of it that he didn't want to hurt Chae, nor let his mind wander to the drastic and sudden present reality. Not to mention he slept with you and you showed up as a detective.

"You know...I had a sister... Daejun's mother- I didn't sleep with my sister if that's what you're thinking. My sister passed away, and left Daejun behind. But before that, when she was still alive, she really wanted to make sure that her child would be in good hands just in case she'd go. Of course she trusted me, however she believed that a mother would know best. A woman with a good heart, who'd look after her child. At the time, I was betrothed to Chae since childhood and assumed she wouldn't mind looking after Daejun with me if my sister had to pass." Jaemin's somber eyes reveal such a deep emotion of sadness that it makes you- literally- want to embrace him until everything would be okay.

"Jaemin, no. Please don't do this to yourself." You plead, running your hand gently across his cheek, using your thumb to caress his skin. "It's not your fault," You whisper out, maintaining a firm, and strongly positive attitude. "It's not anybody's fault of why this happened. Don't blame yourself please. You know, somethings in life, need to happen for a bigger picture to be revealed. For a brighter future, for joy and peace to come. I... I don't have the answers, but I'm speaking from experience. Things happen for a reason. We can't see it now, but I'm certain that they'll eventually make sense and make the pain go away. It felt really good being with you that night, but I felt like complete shit after sleeping with you knowing you were married. Yet, I don't know how or why, but after that day and continuously investing myself in this case, a lot of things that were unclear in my life became clear again. And I'm not saying this to disregard that Daejun was being brutally hurt while we were together, but I'm saying that... you don't have to blame yourself. The pain of losing Daejun will never go away as you're her father, but I want you to simply picture her in a good light. You gave her a lot of security and assurance that you were always there for her. You were her abahbah, and she loved you so much so that you shared a special bond, despite not being her real dad- she considered you so much. And from everything I've seen when being with you, you care a lot for everyone around you. You genuinely take responsibility with determination and you put your all into everything. I promise you, one day, it'll make sense. Just don't blame yourself please."

Jaemin nods his head smiling meekly at you. You smile back, still running your fingers over his scalp.

"Would you..." Jaemin breathes out. "I mean, if Daejun were still alive...I'm not asking anything weird, but...would you look after her?"

The sudden question shocks you out of your train thought and you have to bring your thoughts back to the present conversation. "Honestly, when I was growing up in the orphanage and would go to school seeing all these parents loving their children and buying all sorts of gifts and snakes and toys, there was nothing more I wanted them being adopted by two loving people who wouldn't mind giving me the world." You smile at your child thought coming to light. "Sadly I was never adopted. But I was filled with the urge to comfort families who lost their kids. And sadly, yet again, I feel like I had lost my main motive for why I wanted to be a detective when it became all about forgetting my ex and just getting this job, that I didn't care as much about the families and who they lost. As long as it kept me busy, then I didn't care. But, in regards to your question and this case. I adjusted my character a lot, I mean...you've even got me fighting for your innocence with the passion I had before. So, I'm not saying I would, but if D-Daejun felt comfortable with me, I think I'd be comfortable with her too. But I can't really say that, it's been a real struggle to allow myself to be selfless. But for you... I think I'd try."

Jaemin's warm hand circles around your wrist and by the contact of his soft hand on your skin, you bite the inside of your cheek with anticipation. Although his eyes gaze deeply into yours, his lips travel along the insides of your palm, just as he intertwines your fingers together. His lips slide from your palm to your wrist before he turns your hand around planting light kisses on your backhand. His eyes shut as he gatherers both his hands to engulf your own planting little kisses, yet meekly playing with your fingers. He doesn't open his eyes, but his lips move. "I never even thought about that. If Daejun would be comfortable... I think she would've been comfortable with you. And besides, when we met at the bar, you were very much selfless when paying attention to me sincerely. When finding out that she... disappeared, I lost hope in leaving Chae. Leaving her will pin me out to be the real culprit. But you need to believe me,"

His eyes open, peering into yours, hopefully and faithfully. The stars that twinkled on that night you together, are shining brightly in his eyes again right now. Your eyes latch onto his hidden lips as he continues to kiss your hand, before he stops for a second and says your name. Your stomach twirls inside and you can't help but suck in a breath, especially when his long lashes pane upwards filling you up with his soul.

"No matter what they say," He shakes his head whispering. "I didn't kill her,"

"I know,"

And just like the last time, your hand that's securely in his manages to get back on his face just as he draws near and you both meet half way in crashing your lips against each other. It's like a magnetic force keeping you in bound within his reach, your hand that's on his face gets tangled within the depths of his hair, just as his soft hands grasp onto your face while his other hand moves down your side lifting you up.

From your seat your leg eagerly shifts when you plant them on either side of him sitting up on his lap. Your lips gasp out when his mouth departs from yours and straight to your neck. His mouth leaving open kisses just as his hands roam around your back, down to your butt. Mumbling between your neck he asks: "You have no idea how much I missed you. Do you want me to make you feel good?"

Jaemin watched as you climbed on top of his lap, and his brain was just so deeply filled with the idea that he wanted you. You hum out in response, but it's muffled by your moan when his lips suck on your neck again bringing your body down. Your hand taps above, turning on the lights in the car.

"God, | missed you so much," he whispers in your ear again, trailing kisses down your neck. “Gonna make you feel so good."

"Jaemin, please,” you whimper at his words. You truly missed him too, missed this. You missed everything about him. Just by the touch of his fingers, that weren't too fast neither too slow in discarding your clothes, piece by piece, while still maintaining a perfectly steamy kiss as he takes your breath away. You let him remove your clothes, your tongue focused on his own as you fight for dominance- which he's clearly winning. Your blazer, your pullover, he unbottons your shirt sliding them off your shoulders moaning out when feeling your hot skin.

You pull your tight vest, as well as your sports bra over your head once, your boobs falling out and Jaemin instantly catching them mounting his lips on them and making it a mission to please both of them.

While you moan out by his kisses, his charming laugh while fanboying over your boobs and tongue action only edge you to unbotton your jeans as quick as possible. He laughs and stops your hands. "You're in such a hurry let me do it." He chuckles lovely again, shifting his reclining chair smoothly back until it hits the back seat before he makes the seat alignment slanted to make him laying down easier.

Meanwhile your hands slide underneath his white shirt, getting over his chest and slightly squeezing his man nipples. You smile when he bites his lip emitting a low groan. "You like that?" You smirk.

You laugh at his meek behavior and holding his shoulders down to the lowered seat, you grind your hips on his hard growing member. Dry humping him exactly like a dog in heat. The car is filled with sounds of ecstasy, with Jaemin groaning out as you moaning out when feeling his bulge pulsating underneath you. His hands finding your boobs and squeezing them and spreading his hands over them bringing them together, minding how soft they are, how perky your nipples are, how warm they are and how he can feel your heart beat while squeezing.

"Rock paper scissors for who gets to start," his needy eyes looking into your own, just as he bucks his hips upwards his hands leaving your boobs by gripping your hips continuing his motion. He bucks his hips up roughly again. He presses you harder into him while he moves his hips up trying to reach his high.

"Jaemin I just want you now,"

"| know baby, | know, it'll be faster if you play rock." He positions his fist forward and you roll your eyes playfully doing the same thing. The motion of his hips stop with him panting out, however you continue circling your hands over the hard materials trying to feel him.

"Rock paper scissors!" You play a rock as instructed and he plays a scissor.

"Yes!" You cheer, while fumbling with your pants again, going back to your seat to remove and kick off your trousers remaining in your black laced thong. Similar to Jaemin who unfastens his belt and brings down his pants and boxers leaving them at his knees. Your eyes marvel when his hard rocking cock shoots up and slaps his abdomen. "So hard," you coo biting your lip.

He lets out a low curse when you climb on top of him again, your clit already moist over your thong as you slide over his dick instead of allowing it inside you. "Are you really teasing me with your wet pussy? Tease." he grunts yet looking pleased to the extreme. "Shit." You hold onto his shoulders slippery grinding your hips back and forth on his shaft that's still over his stomach. Your wetness only lubricating over his. "Fuck," he holds onto your hips following your movement and the way your hips roll.

You throw your head back as your hands are placed over your boobs, fumbling and folding and feeling the warmth and softness. Jaemin's back gets off the lowered seat going up to kiss your lips as his hands drift to your ass. "Up," you let out in between the tongue deep kiss.

Jaemin grips your ass holding you up while you move your panties to the side and slid onto him. You both moan out even with your lips sealed together. Your muffled moans continue as you push yourself all the way down till you met his hood.

"Shit." Jaemin moans out when you push him back down the seat having your way. The windows of the car already giving the foggy appearance. Jaemin proudly let's out his grunts watching as you bounced up and down, your boobs bouncing in his face making him flustered.

You laugh placing your hand on the roof of the car at Jaemin's red face when he places a hand over to cover. Your walls clench around him, and he bit his lip. You lean forward moving his hand gripping his jaw making him look at you. "I love your face looking like this," you moan, as Jaemin tries to maintain contact but when you begin to suck and kiss on his neck he loses it. His hands grip your ass hard as he holds you in place making you go faster, thrashing you up and down over his rock hard cock.

You stop kissing his neck to cry out in ecstasy when his hips begin to play into action while smashing you furiously and with such unknown speed. Your bodies colliding together as your eyes tightly shut feeling his thrusts going deeper and deeper. You moan out as you and Jaemin both cum at the same time falling on the seat with you on top of him. You can feel his liquids in you swimming together with your own wetness, you both don't move. You keep yourself deeper feeling the pulsating of his cock and you roll your eyes back riding out your high by moving on his dick back and forth. To hush your moans you kiss him, passionately. You feel Jaemin continue to fill you up completely and his breathing matching yours as you pant out heavily.

"My turn," Jaemin simply says and with one hand he presses you onto his body as his other hand slides down your spine to your hips, lifting you off his shaft. Gathering your wetness with his fingers, he slowly slips his digits inside of you making you squeal by his three fingers. He works his fingers in you, dying by that quenching sound and your heat closing up on him. Making that beautiful curl motion with his fingers that you love so much. He starts hitting your spot just as his thumb rubs evenly fast over your bud- making you immediately shake.

"Jaemin," you cryingly moan out in pleasure, your fluids getting louder and louder as your eyes struggle to remain open. He laughs deeply at your shaking legs, his hand on you back sliding down to grip your ass. You groan, already sickeningly close to another orgasm. "Jaemin," you whine, rocking against his fingers with fervor and need. You gasp trying to lift yourself up, only for his large hand to find your back again placing you down over to chest. As he places you down again, you can feel his throbbing cock give warmth over your body. Feeling yourself flutter around Jaemin's fingers, you arch your back outwards and gasp as you harshly cum again, and your legs and butt lift up by themselves still shaking. Jaemin's fingers continue to work, but now with two fingers. He rides them into your sensitive swollen pussy and you ride his fingers in the air through your high- your eyes animatedly rolled back. You fall back on Jaemin's chest panting out in ecstasy when your thong is slapped back into pussy

This is pussy drunk.

Jaemin adjusts his position to be on top of you, as you lay back on the lowered seat. He frees one of his legs from his pants, as he goes down on his knee ready to taste you. His kisses start at your lowered stomach making your moan as he goes lower and lower.

His wet, cold hair slightly touching your ribs making you shiver at the sudden contact. He places kisses to your inner thighs, glancing up at you from time to time to make sure you're alright.

"Are you still strong?"

"Jaemin just give it to me," you whimper at his words. You truly missed this. You missed everything about him. How he made you feel. Jaemin kisses your wet clit, pulling your thong aside and slowly adding his tongue to the mix, lapping at your pussy, his tongue spelling out his name on your heat, before sucking and deeply inserting his tongue. When you hips shake again, Jaemin holds onto your rising legs and gets on top of you.

He leans into your ear moaning out. "I wanna feel you in me, but slowly."

He wastes no time in diving inside you with his risen dick pulling sweet moans out of your throat. He takes his time with you, going from just the tip gripping in and out of you to fucking you slowly and passionate while leaving wet kisses all over your neck. When your moans grow louder and your hips start thrusting back, he knows you're close. He really just wanted to enjoy you with a free mind. He picks up his pace, going faster now, his own orgasm approaching. His thrusts practically getting animalistic not a sense of empathy or corcern for your wellbeing- however contradicting being there as he kisses your forehead eery once in a while, running his hand over your sweaty damp hair. You loved him really, really loved it, you craved him more than you did the sex but this love making is even better with him.

Your muscles are tight, your legs were shaking erratically and you don't know if there's tears of pleasure falling out your eyes. Whatever it is, you know that you never wanna leave him and that you always want to be there with him.

"I'm cl-close-" your words get cut off by your moans. He grabs your waist with one hand, moving with the same passion. His other hand moves to rub at your clit, slow, tight circles. He buries his face in your neck as his own moans and groans grow louder and finally-

"Ahhhh!" You both cum again, looking straight into each others eyes taking in the look of pure pleasure combined with a heavy thirst for each other. Your lips find their place again when you both suck deeply feeling your body moulded together. He was definitely made for you. And you hate that his got a wife. But you can't help it when your hands go around his neck allowing him to be embraced into you as you savor this moment. You're even awestruck when he whispers into your ear: "Your mine."

His cock slips almost completely out of your pussy before it sinks back in the girth, having you feeling like you are being stuffed full even though it's just the tip. Your puffy pussy wraps around his cock like warm, wet, and tight glove. And he can't get enough of it trying to maintain his breathing. You feel so good around him, he's never felt like this before when having sex. Your body aligns with him so perfect that he just wants you in him forever.

"I would selfishly ask you to stay for tonight," Harsh breaths leave his lips as he groans. "I need you all night long.. but you have to go to work, right?"

You sigh, but it turns into arousal when he speeds up his movements earning a pathetic pornographic moan from your mumbling lips. "Jaemin," You pout. "Your dick is too big, I can feel it in my chest,"

"Chest?" He laughs lightly looking all over your face. "Is that so?" He whispers going out again and full loading in again causing your back to arch into his, making him chuckle.

"Mmhm.."

He grunts, loving your expression and eyes that tenderly gaze at him. "But you love it, yeah? You love me don't you?"

Instead of answering him, your hands go from his hair to being placed underneath his neck. You look into his eyes, straight into his brown wanders and smile. You don't answer and neither does he expect an answer because you both dive in to feel each other's lips again. To feel the warmth of his own tongue against yours. Pulling away, your eyes take him in. Strands of his black hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. "I love you," you moan out when he thrusts in you. "I love the way you fuck my pussy, Na Jaemin. Meeting you is the best thing that's ever happened to me,"

"I love you too," He kisses your neck hiding his smile. "I love the way your pussy and body takes me in." Maybe it's a hidden rule to never say the big three words during sex, but right now during the heat of the moment you both feel something that's undescribable- and the only way to describe it, is simply love. You both can't resist the dawning attraction that you both get into another session of slow yet long strokes of nasty yet passionate car sex.

Breathlessly while riding him from the back and allowing him to roam his hands on your ass, you thrust yourself inside of him while twirling your hips and rounding him with speed. You moan out aloud while holding onto the steering wheel gasping for air when he takes over in pumping inside of a you a few long strokes before releasing. In sheer ecstasy you throw your head back as you both combine your voice to let out your vocals of pleasure.

Your eyes are drawn to a little red light flickering on and of. It's a dashboard camera. You smile and turn to him just as he slaps your ass. He chuckles looking flustered and fucked out of his mind. "You've got yourself a sex tape,"

"Sex tape?" You point to the camera and a look of recognition crosses his face. "I should probably remove that. Probably would need to replace the memory card," he chuckles a little. "Come on," Getting off his shaft and sneaking next to him, your lips attach themselves onto each other again. You both can't get enough of each other, desperately needing him close to you.

Both losing track of time, you stare into each other's eyes with admiration taking in your boldness and fierce approval of each other. You're pleasing to his eyes and he's perfect for you. A smile grows on your lips and you rest your head on his.

You stay with him in the car, as he wraps his black leather jacket around yours shoulders, while you wrap your own blazer over his and your waist allowing sleep to consume the both of you. And for the first time in a long while, you feel like you can actually sleep and take rest.

Useless.

Because thirty minutes later, you're awakened by your ringing phone. With your leg draped over Jaemin and his arm securely around yours you can't help but wish this case was already over.

Cleaning up with the hand wipes he has in his car, you dress up quickly leaving him still rested in the car smiling and looking peaceful when you kiss him in departing. Your lips not having enough of him, and neither he having enough of you when he tries to get you to stay again.

Patting your wet hair down as you tie it in a low bun, you make your way outside the car and out the office. There's an off smell that you smell, but you brush it off thinking it's the congested air from within the car. Walking out the dark parking lot and up the stairs getting back to the main lobby, you're stunned and stopped in place when seeing Chae by the elevator.

Upon seeing you, she smiles sadly and waves you over. Shit. You whisper to yourself getting in the elevator with her.

"I didn't know you were coming,"

"Oh," You nervously adjust your blazer, feeling as though she's got x-ray vision and can spot Jaemin's hands on your body. You smile looking away from her. "Wanted to check on you actually. Uhm... I had questions I wanted to ask, but if you're busy-"

"No, I'm available. I just went for a walk with Mark,"

You nod your head purposely avoiding her eyes until you can get the guilt out your system. When the elevator stops and you both walk out the lift going over to the apartment door. You wonder whether you should question her based off of what Jaemin revealed to you about her, or if you should just go with the flow of your initial reason of stepping in.

Entering into the apartment, your eyes take in the massive amount of space when there are no people. There's already set furniture, all matching with the cleanliness of the space. The curtains are open revealing the beautiful pent view of the sunset and the city outline. You move forward in the apartment looking outside. "It's crazy how we still haven't found her e body,"

Chae who's in the kitchen boiling some water looks through the open kitchen view to you standing by the floor to top ceiling window. She remains silent and continues preparing the tea. Once she's finished, she walks over with the tray of tea and sets it down on the table taking a seat on the long white couch looking at you.

"Tea?"

Turning your head away from the cyberspace city and all the lights coming on, you politely join her on the couch. "Thanks,"

"Have you seen Jaemin since?"

Trying not to be panicked you breath in and nod your head. "Here and there." You quickly drink on your tea avoiding eye contact.

Chae however scoffs and shakes her head. "It must be nice being an officer. You get to see him. Meanwhile I haven't seen him since the burial. I don't know what's going on with us anymore. He's avoiding me,"

You stop pretending to drink, looking down at her hands over her pregnant stomach. Stillborn. You remember Jaemin saying. "He must be grieving,"

She huffs and leans back. "Grieving? I think he wants to leave me."

You gulp tightening your lip. "That's a heavy accusation."

"But it's true," Chae sadly says breathing out. "Even before his daughter to go missing, we were starting to get rocky. I don't know, but I keep getting the feeling he knows," You drink on your tea trying not to speak but urging her to speak, peeking in her direction seeing her looking at her stomach circling it slowly with a saddened face. "Marriage. A fucking tool to create babies and a legacy. I wanted my own kids, but he already had her, that little deaf girl. Wasn't even his. I thought he wanted kids, since he loved her so much. So I wanted to give him a child, so that he could be happy. But... We weren't having any time together because of her. I slept with Mark."

You completely halt in your thoughts when she says her last phrase. Your head blank when looking at her. Suddenly the guilt weighs off your shoulders, the guilt of making Jaemin cheat on his wife. It doesn't mean what you did is good, if anything it shows how really marriage is a tool to keep couples together and imbalances happen when women like you invade a home, or even worse, when women inside a marriage seek help outside in order to fix and adjust a problem in their marriage. Sleeping in the marriage and making it bitter, is what you can kind of feel has happened to Jaemin and Chae.

Him already having a child. And Chae simply wanting her husband to focus on her, instead of the outsider.

She shakes her head. "And even that went wrong. I'm supposed to be due next month, but....my baby's dead. And I feel so fucking sad." She sniffs. "I don't know how to look at Mark and tell him his baby is dead, and I don't know how to look to Jaemin and tell him what I've done and that the baby I had for him has passed."

"Chae," You set your tea down gently and open your arms allowing her to lay her head on you.

"Is it so wrong that I just wanted him to love me? I tried everything to get her into another good home, or to study abroad and even get means to make her independent and an individualist, but Jaemin refused all that and just wanted to watch over her. For crying out loud, he married me. Did he just wants to use me? If he can love a child that's not his in that way, then he can most certainly love a child that's not his. Right?" She questions. "Getting into marriage I thought I'd be able to cope looking after his sisters child, but I couldn't. He just used me, he didn't really need me or love me. Only that deaf girl. I didn't even mean to sleep with Mark. It was by accident. But when I was knocked up and saw Jaemin attach himself deeper to the girl and wanting to leave me, I told him that I had his child."

The fact that Chae, herself is opening up sends you into therapy mode. At the end of the day, she's still a person who's lost her child. She ended up telling you that the baby is dead inside here womb and that she slept with Mark - in other words the baby wasn't even for Jaemin.. making it saddening that he cried for a baby that wasn't even his and feeling guilty over a baby that wasn't his.

"I think he already knew a long time ago that I cheated on him. Otherwise he wouldn't have brought an unknown lady into our house and fucked her while his daughter was being killed." She sniffs again.

Your hands freeze completely. How does she know that? It freaks you out, how you're the unknown lady and so far Haechan and surprisingly Chae know the details of what Jaemin was doing that night. You don't think she knows it's you. "He brought an unknown lady while his daughter was being killed?"

Chae nods her head again. "I saw it with my own two eyes."

"Wait Chae. You're not making sense." You try to piece her words together. "You were home while he was fucking another lady?"

At that, Chae tenses up. Did she just accidently tell you that she was home?

"So that means you knew that Jaemin wasn't the killer. You could've backed him up with your statement." You say being shocked. "Wait, did you just say while his daughter was being killed you saw him fucking another lady? That means it's either you saw the killer and did nothing or..."

"You've got it all wrong Detective." Chae gets off your arms and shakes her head. "I was at Mark's house-"

"No you-"

You hear the apartment door make a beeping sound before he opens up like a chamber door revealing Jaemin. His hair messy and eyes hallow and empty when looking at Chae until his ers move over to you. You're still too stunned at Chae's comment but take in his appearance with flustered cheeks, considering that you both consciously fucked each other raw in the car a while ago.

"Jaemin you're home," You're expecting him to ignore Chae, the way she claimed that he would, but he moves closer to the wall with his hands in his leather pocket looking down at her and talking to her. Your heart filled with guilt again. You slept with a married man again. Even if he's not happy in his relationship, you still feel so bad. Chae seems to really want his attention in her life. Your phone rings and you snap out of your shock.

You get up answering the call seeing it's Taeil's contact. "What?"

"We've got the neighborhood surveillance cameras. I've been trying to get a hold of you-"

"I'm on my way."

You cut the call not wanting to let your thoughts fly by. Just as you're about to go, you spot Jaemin in the kitchen and Chae nervously squeezing her hands standing next to the door. It's either she's hiding something from you, or Jaemin, or she's nervous about something deeper. "Uhm do you have to go? Jaemin....wanted to-"

"Have you eaten Detective?" Jaemin's raspy voice gets your attention to divert back to him- as well as Chae who turns to face him in shock. Jaemin looks up to you when removing his black leather jacket, his tongue flickering down to moist his lips. "I could make you something before you go," If Chae was shocked before, then right now she's trying to maintain her agitation. She looks angry.

"I haven't eaten, but I really have to go," You sympathetically say walking slowly. But instead of walking towards the door where Chae is, you stop within Jaemin's direction. "Thanks for your offer,"

It's not tension that lingers in the air when you both look into each others eyes. The longing need to go, suddenly moved away from your mind as you peer at him. It's silently pleasing to gaze into his eyes and have him attentively minding you, especially when he says. "Can you stay a while?" His voice dangerously low forgetting that Chae is still in the room.

A temptation crawls over you to kiss his lips again, and you know he feels it too when his eyes plead and beg for you the same way he did when he was expressing himself. Your lips open up, but Chae beats you to it bitterly. "What do you mean can she stay? She has to work." The ulterior anger in her voice can be heard. "Right."

That wasn't even a question, it was her basically opening up the door for you to leave. You're not even surprised when she grudgingly holds the door open for you. Taking one last look at Jaemin, you walk out towards the door only for it to be slammed once you're out. She's furious and is gonna take it out on Jaemin.. Perhaps.

Not even a few steps forward- the yelling that you predicted happens. Chae yelling at Jaemin. "Just tell me the fucking truth! You fucked her! It's her right? You fucked her right?; Fucking talk you asshole! She smells like you, even the way she looks at you tells me everything I need to know- that you fucked her! Don't touch me! Don't even- You offered to cook for her? You- you-" Her voice turns into a struggle whimper and angered roar and just like that, you hear such a loud smack which jolts you to jerk on forward and start moving when you hear their house door open. You hide behind a wall hearing the footsteps quicken. It's Chae running down the steps while pulling on her jacket and adjusting her bag.

Unconsciously you find yourself carefully walking back to their apartment -only for you to collide into Jaemin in shock.

He's rubbing his cheek, yet upon seeing you he pulls his hand away slowly and simply smiles. He's tired. His eyes weigh heavily on the eye bags, but you can see he's trying to be brief. First his daughter disappeared while he was sleeping with you and now his wife losing her mind because of you. You're in such a hot seat and guilt and shame, however when you open your lips, it's like not even an ounce of regret passed through you.

"Is it okay, if I can take you up on your offer again?" You briefly smile.

His eyes, although tired, light up and he nods his head. He looks around calmly and opens the door widely for you to enter. "Make yourself comfortable," he says.

"Make myself comfortable?" You smirk and turn to him. "You don't need me to help you in the kitchen,"

"It's okay, I wanna make you something to eat, as well as myself. I'm a good cook." He politely shakes his head smiling at you. His hand nuzzles your cheek and chin- pinching it slightly letting out a little laugh. "Besides, it's been a while since I've eaten too,"

Your eyes widen. "You haven't eaten?" It makes sense why you saw that he also lost some weight. "Even when mourning you need to eat," you tell him softly.

He sharply takes in a breath looking away for a second before resting his hands back in his pocket. "Yeah, that's why I want you to eat with me. Chae's gone out. Uhm. Y..you can stay...if you want..." He rubs the back of his neck.

You smile decently removing your blazer and walking towards the long couch again.

"Uh, I just wanted to go and get the wine in the car. Please don't go, I promise I'll be right back." He mentions warmly and clears his throat before going out.

Smiling at the door even when closed, in your heart you feel content and happy that this is where you're supposed to be. With him. You take in the view of the city again by the large window and smile to yourself.

Why you're smiling and fantasizing about Jaemin- is beyond your control. But you do know that within these few hours of being together elevated you soul.

You just have to be able to prove him innocent before hopefully starting out anything with you.

You stand and look around the house simply waiting for Jaemin and sending a haste text message to Taeil that you'll only be coming in tomorrow. For now, you just want a break. And standing while day dreaming about a man who's not even yours, yet, seems to give you the relaxation you need.

You sigh out when wondering why he's taking so long. You decide to go after him hoping to help him if he needs help. After closing the apartment door and using the lift to go down, you're unaware of Chae using the stairs to go back up to the apartment.

To her surprise instead of seeing Jaemin, she sees your black jacket and pounds every room door open trying to 'catch' you and Jaemin in the act. Meanwhile you find your way through the secret hall pass and finally in the underground/parking hidden office space.

Luckily you find Jaemin.

You smile when entering the office seeing him close the back door holding onto a full bottle of wine. His face is a bit twisted as if in disgust, but smiles when seeing you. "Hey," he says and moves to you with the wine bottle. "Uh, I'm sorry for taking time. There's just a weird smell itching my nose,"

You recall smelling the odd smell before you left and nod your head. "I smelt it too when leaving. Do you often use this car? Do you take it for car washes?" You ask as you move towards the desk with the wine bottle and begin opening it with a twister. Placing the red wine within the two glasses already set.

Jaemin who's already opening up all the doors of the car hums out. "I use to take it for a wash every 3 days, although I haven't been, or rather I don't use this car as much anymore." He mentions looking puzzled and disgusted again.

"It's a sign you should take it for a wash," You smile and drink on the wine. He opens up the boot and you sadly sigh. "I'm sorry that things aren't going your way,"

"It's alright. I've been a bit-"

You pick up his wine glass and navigate yourself to him, whose behind the car. You're confused when he suddenly stops talking and remains frozen with his hands still on the lid of the hood. "What, you found the source?"

You go behind the car but instantly get hit by a wave of a wreaking air. You cough out covering your nose and shaking your head. "Oh my god," You try not to breath through your mouth by the foul sewerage air.

Standing next to him, your face is scrunched up and morphed in similar actions as him. There's a black duffle bag and Jaemin grunts.

"Is that your gym b-"

You freeze for a second when he opens up the black duffle bag seeing a black plastic. Just as much as you're confused, you quickly panic and jump back when Jaemin curses a loud and falls backwards cursing out repeatedly. "Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-no-no-no-no-please-no-please-please-please-say it's not real-fuck-no-"

Jaemin erupts hysterically in tears. Your eyes move from his crying botched agonizing face to the duffle bag and plastic wondering what could possibly-

.

No.

Your hand quickly drops the glass as you dash to the boot and rip open the plastic suffocating within the wreaking dead rotting air of his child. "No.." you tremble seeing a bloodied head with patches of wet dark hair sticking against the plastic. Your eyes are brimming tears and you can't even see when Jaemin crawls back and with shaking hands terrifyingly holds onto the head - wailing out in sheer agonizing torture.

Yu're shocked out of your mind when you see the rotting corpse of the little girl. Jaemin begins crying and you stumble back by the stench. Your trembling hands reach for your pocket and you pull out your phone hearing it ring. You can't even hear the caller as you stutter out in distress. "We found the body. We found the body. Please- come quick-" you cry out trembling dropping the phone immediately running to Jaemin when he gets up and ravages the plastic and duffle bag open. He places his head on the bloodied chest trying to hear a heartbeat but you scamper him away. Trying to compose yourself at the gruesome sight of the both of you covered in blood- the blood of Jaemin's daughter.

"Jaemin don't touch the body, Jaemin don't-"

Jaemin can't even hear you as he drops to the ground screeching out in weasels of trauma pain. He attempts to lunge at the body again claiming that she could be alive- but already the sight and clear evidence of her dead body shakes you up. You end up handcuffing Jaemin with your safety cuffs telling him not to move.

In a blur you maintain your balance or you try to maintain your balance as you rush out the door and run out the office to the outside. Not only are the people stunned and avoiding your bloody and tear stained state but they rush on and begin dialing for any sort of help when you call out for help.

A few minutes seem to pass with sirens trailing and tailing on each other. Jaehyun and the rest of the detective forces are on full command and control when bashing in and following you as you lead them to the scene. Jaemin's wails can be heard - when entering the office you're shocked again in pain when you see Jaemin's body on the floor cradling the dead body which is still half in the duffle bag, but instead of it being in the car it's now on the floor within the gap of Jaemin's cuffed hands.

Soon enough the hotel, parking lot and secret office is flooded with police and an ambulance and the whole crew.

In your weary and distorted state you see Jaemin being taken away from the body and is brought to his feet- and for some reason, while in holding, his wife, Chae in tears is outraged and slaps him.

"I didn't do it-" you can hear Jaemin say before he's dragged away by the officers.

•

It's an ongoing nightmare in your head. From the terrible scene to the muffled voices of anger, to Jaemin's face and his eyes starring at you pleading telling you that he didn't do it.

A week has passed. Thankfully you were frantically frantic as before. But you sit idle in your seat with your whole trembling body wondering what to do.

The security footage of the neighborhood indeed reveals a black vehicle pulling up- but instead of the front yard, the car is on another street behind the house. It's impressive how the footage was taken, as it clearly shows someone carrying that big duffle bag across a street and a car suddenly appearing and both the person and the duffle bag disappear in the car as it speeds away. What's more crazy, is that the same footage also captured another car pulling up but instead at the front yard at the same time. However only one person leaves.

You know for certain, that one person leaving is you. As you called on an Uber late at night after you refused to stay with Jaemin. Later on, by foot- a person is seen treading slowly to the house. The person identified as Chae.

With all that information and footage, you'd think the detectives would try to rationalize everything.

No.

They put Jaemin behind bars, saying he orchestrated the whole thing and what's worse is that he had hitmans who helped him. It sat well with everybody except you.

You spoke to Jaehyun repeatedly trying to tell him that they've got it all wrong. You could tell he was irritated by you, but you also could tell that he felt something wasn't right. You pressed on the matter even going as far as claiming yet again that Chae mentioned he was in the house with a hooker. Excluding that you were the hooker.

To no avail, it's been 9 full days that Jaemin was locked up and awaiting his trial which would be in a months time after the detectives, DA and court settled down and placed all the information together.

Another reason you sit idle on your work chair trembling, is because you took the dash bored memory card from Jaemin's car without permission from the investigation team and have been hiding it. Reason being, because yet again as you're caught in the camera making love with Jaemin, if reversed and rewinded back a couple of weeks it shows the culprits of the little girl's killer... You still don't know what happened, but you have proof that Jaemin is innocent. Which is why as you walk to Jaehyun's office with both USB and memory stick of the club footage as well as the car dash memory card, you know that justice will be served for Jaemin's innocence.

"Intern. You're getting on my last nerve." Jaehyun grumbles out. He gets back to typing ignoring you. You don't mind him as you set both the stick and memory card on top of his table with a written report of the whole case. "What's this?" He looks at the report file reading the title page with a confused look. He groans and leans back on his seat. "We've already closed the case and sent it off to the DA. You've been positioned as an official member and Detective Writer of our police force. Why is it that you can't let this case fucking go?" He complains but you cut him off.

"Because I was involved sir." You blink your eyes, breathing out and maintaining an emotionless face. Your try to stay still hoping your tears won't fall by your selfless act. You train your eyes on the clock instead of his heavy eyes. "An innocent man is in jail. And even though it'll cost me my job and dignity, I'm prepared to risk it all. In the account and accord that he's innocent and set free." You gulp when removing your new shiny official badge and placing it on the table next to the evidences. "The proof is all there."

You bow your head and walk out his office. Instead of going back to your desk you find yourself going to the department canteen. You wanted to go to the police station to see him...to see Jaemin. But the guilt of letting him rot inside especially since you knew that he was innocent was killing you.

So as you idle sit on one of the lounge chairs staring into the abyss of your mind, your thoughts begin to wonder.

You're seated for what seems to be like the whole day with the sun setting and you having not moved from your position. You're broken out of your trance when your phone rings. As usual it's Haechan. Your moral support in letting you know that you shouldn't be pining on yourself. This time, you ignore his call and sigh out heading back to the office.

You're met by Taeil who stops you with a disappointed look as well as paper. "Just to let you know what it's about, you're suspended. Jaehyun's waiting for you in his office."

You don't know what Taeil thinks of you or what he knows. You don't even care what he thinks of you.

You've been an intern detective writer for more over 9 months now, but now you're an official Detective Writer....or rather you were. You were extremely prideful in the work you do. Being able to 'have eyes at the back of your head' or being known as 'sharp’ is an esteemed word and/or phrase that your higher executives prefer to use when they were describing you. Maybe you're selfish and tend to be heavily guarded, and perhaps even self centered, however- as you've been on this case, your moral values and center core routes have returned. Even though, you're not so sure what your hidden and secrecy actions will let your executives and higher-ups call you, but one thing you do know is that you've earned an honesty medal. As you see everything and nothing gets past you, you're surprised how you let a man slip right through your rib cage and straight into your soul.

The first thing you hear when entering Jaehyun's office is your high erratic moan. You feel embarrassed and you shrink back in embarrassment. When Jaehyun pauses the video and glares at you, you know you're done for.

In your head you're hoping for the story to end. That Jaemin is released. His wife is cuffed and the truth is all out. But it's not that easy.

Jaehyun pauses the video and looks up to you. "You were among the top 10 interns to have found favour in the executives eyes. By default, I assumed you slept with him, as you're the only female intern. I was proven wrong when seeing your work ethic and drive. All the values and morals that we as detectives have, you embodied them. Working with you, I was astound as well as amazed by your surging drive to prove us all wrong. Now I'm not quite sure whether your drive to work was for the right reasons. I'm honestly disappointed in you." Jaehyun mentions and you don't know why, but your pride sinks. Thinking back to how you started this case with conviction that truly you were going to get into his good book. But now you've disappointed him. *I've heard so many good critics about you. And working with you, my judgement based off of you was wrong, you are not only a hard worker but you pay close attention to detail. Which brings me to this evidence. Taking this new evidence to the directors and DA will tarnish your reputation, ruin your resume and deem you untrustworthy, it'll evict you from working in any other force team again. However, not taking it, allows for the man behind bars to be sentenced for a crime he didn't commit. I'm conflicted in between two options. The first, suspending you and closing off this case myself with the right person behind bars, and the second, allowing you to redeem yourself and prove yourself to me again by getting another form of evidence, a verbal confession preferably from Mrs Na herself."

Hearing his words and hearing that perhaps you have a chance you're baffled by his generosity. Leaning into faith and his words you stand slightly straight. "How would I get a verbal confession?"

He turns to his compute screen and types some things on his keyboard before turning the screen to me, while pressing play on a layer footage. It's the car footage.

Your eyes widen when you see Mark's face in the dark. He waits alone and a second later theirs a knock on the door. Mark rolls down the window and you can hear a brief: "Can you open the boot?"

Mark is quick in pressing a button. He turns his head back before smiling as the door opens and someone gets in the car. Removing the black hood over the head- your eyes widen when seeing Chae.

She looks nervous and is evidently shaking while gasping and trying to catch her breath. "Mark please drive."

"But Jaemin-"

"Drive!"

"Yeah sure," he looks uncertain and puzzled. He turns his head around facing the road before starting the car and driving. "You okay Chae?"

Chae is shaking and holding tightly onto the black jersey she's wearing nodding her head. "Yes I'm fine. You're going back to the office right?"

"Uh," Mark looks ahead for a second. "Yes. Jaemin sent me a text to pick him up from home-"

"I have his phone. It was me. He's occupied right now." Her lips tremble. "Mark I did something terrible." She breaks into sudden tears and cries out. "Mark-"

Mark looking panicked he pulls over the car and attends to Chae hugging her. "Hey," he softly calls patting her head. "It's going to be okay,"

"Mark, it's not," She trembles and continues crying. "I didn't mean to do it. She wanted her dad and started crying and he suddenly came home and- and just came in and she- she wanted to see him- Mark I hit her- I didn't mean to- to- he came home with another woman and - and- she started crying and I hit her- Mark- Mark-"

"Don't worry Chae. Chae calm down, please calm down. Crying and stressing isn't good for the baby," Mark informs and tenderly wipes on her tears looking into her eyes. His hands move in her hair and he brings her close placing a kiss on her forehead. Before looking at her. "Let's first get this car back in the office and then we can talk,"

"Okay," Chae still has worry in her eyes but complies with Mark.

He returns to driving the car with one hand and assume the other hand is one her hand or thigh. They eventually go along in silence. Jaehyun stops the video. "From here on, they're quiet. I assume they spoke outside of the car. I don't know what she told Mark, and I don't know what Mark knows. In the car, she was a bit tongue tied and a mess, so her words aren't clear enough for them to be pinned. All I know is that she said she hit her and that he, being Jaemin, brought in another woman, that being you. With that said, she never enters in the car again. The next encounter in the car, is of you and him. From the likeness of your conversation Chae's baby is still born, her and Jaemin have been rocky, she didn't have a good connection with the little girl, and most importantly she wasn't at the hospital the whole day. If you're willing, I want you to get a confession out of her. I'm sure it won't be easy, but it's all I have as an idea. It's either that or your pride. I'm willing to let this slide off because it looks like an honest mistake. You sleeping with him was probably meant to be a one night stand. Considering you slept with him again, knowing what you know is beyond me, however that's not my business nor does it involve me. I didn't appreciate your dishonesty or hiding the bar footage, but I appreciate your courage in speaking up, even if it's at the very end." He stands up with a file in hand. "I'm sure riling her up about her cheating husband will egg her into cracking and confessing. And upon watching the car footage, his wife and Mark seemed to have a really strong bond. He seemed the least suspicious. But if he could hide and cover up for Chae, how much more is he hiding. Would you be up for it?"

You don't think Jaehyun has any other alternative motives other then wanting to get Chae to confess. You don't think it's because he wants to help you. "Yes." As long as you were keeping your job and he was allowing you to continue the case, you didn't care.

Right when he lets you leave his office, you go to your contacts book and find yourself dialing up Mark as well as Chae opting for them to come in to give their last closing statements. You prepare yourself by thinking of what questions to ask, you think deeply of triggering questions for both Mark and Chae.

Considering that Mark doesn't know that he was the one who impregnated Chae you think of how to bring it into the equation.

°

Mark is seated in the interrogation room seemingly calmly. You doubt he knows what Chae has done, but based off what Jaehyun said about him being close with Chae, you still have to make sure. Besides, if he knew that Chae was the killer (assuming she's the killer), why would he go on to helping the investigation.

Jaehyun looks through the one way glass mirror watching Mark, he sits down and hits the recording recorder tape. He nods in your direction and you walk in.

"Hi," You smile, causing him to look up and sitting up in his seat looking welcoming with his big eager eyes.

"Hey,"

"Thank you for coming in on such short notice. Uh, I'm not gonna take up much of your time, I just need one last sentence from you."

"No problem," He nods his head before clearing his throat and leans in. "I actually wanted to come to the station myself,"

"Really?" You question tilting your head a little. "What for?"

He shakes his head leaning back on his seat folding his arms. "It doesn't add up or make any sense that Jaemin murdered Daejun. He loved her with all his heart more than anything else in this world. I'm finding it really hard to believe that he would do that. Look, I may have lied in the beginning of the case,"

You nod your head allowing yourself to look open, making it calming for him to speak. He removes the beanie on his head, and presses his hands together cracking his knuckles. "If it's possible, I would really need you to be honest."

"Yeah, yeah." He nods his head. "Uhm, first of. I'm the one who dropped Daejun home from school that day..." He sighs out. "I really didn't do anything to her. According to the school she was feeling sick and Jaemin sent me a text to get her. I did as told and stayed with her, making sure she ate and was warm. I covered her and wrapped her in a blanket. In the report, I said, I waited till Jaemin came home but I lied. I waited till Chae came home. She came back from the doctors office. That's what I wanted to be honest about, and also.... This was late at night, but I picked up Chae from her house. Please don't think it's her or me, or even Jaemin." He sighs and scratches his head. "I really wish I knew who did it."

"You said you picked up Chae late at night,"

"Yeah," Mark briefly nods his head. "Uhm, she was crying a lot. Uhm." He sighs. "Look man, it's not my place but apparently he was home with another woman. That's why I'm certain that....okay, I don't know but he was with another woman and Chae wanted to go anywhere but home."

You nod your head, feeling thrilled that the words are rolling out his mouth. "You picked her up with what?" You open up your file pulling out a print out. "When looking at the neighborhood footage, we were unable to capture who brought Chae home because their were trucks and trucks of movers. A new person was entering the neighborhood so lots of people where moving in and out and the trucks blocked the view of the house. So I want to ask, what car you drove?"

"I remember that, uh. Picking up Daejun from school, I walked with her until home. And picking up Chae at night, I drove with Jaemin's company car. Uhm, if it helps, I don't think Jaemin had his phone with him. Chae had it, seems like he forgot it since morning. So accordingly she's the one who sent messages, using his phone."

Your heart elevates in joy by Mark freely confessing. He's words edge you on and are back up for the case. "Thank you Mark for your honesty. We'll keep this in the record. Uhm, you said you drove with Jaemin's company car. How did you have possession to it?"

"I drive Jaemin around sometimes. So I've got a spare key."

"On what occasions do you drive him around?"

"Business meetings or say maybe he wants to go to the club, or he's tired. It's a job but I don't mind helping out, it's the least I can do,"

"Hm, interesting." It's not an opening, but you slide in your question. "Why do you do it? Out of gratitude or because you're guilty of something?"

He visibly looks stunned. "What?" He mumbles.

"I'm not implying anything bad, I'm just asking. You're helping out him, Chae and even Daejun as a friend or..."

He blinks his eyes and shifts in his seat. "As a friend of course,"

"As a friend?" You question while nodding your head. "It's just you said that it the least you could do. And I'm wondering, why you said that. Is their something you did that you feel guilty of- I'm not including Daejun here but, maybe your wronged Jaemin and want to make up for it...or you possibly had a misunderstanding with Chae or-" he looks uncomfortable when you mention Chae and he looks down squeezing his hands together.

"As a friend." He states out.

"Why did you pick up Chae late at night?"

He scratches his head. "Uhm. Like I said, she messaged me using Jaemin's phone. And she saw Jaemin with another woman-"

"No, no, I get the part. But why call you with Jaemin's phone. At first, we were suspicious of you because of his call records but we dropped you when Chae came to your defense. So I'm wondering, why did Chae defend you...why she holds you in high regards, especially since you're more of Jaemin's friend then her. I'm not implying anything malicious. But, I had a chat with her....about her baby. Unfortunately, the baby is stillborn." You gulp sadly when Mark halts and looks up quickly with big eyes. "She's known for months now, but she's been finding it hard to open up. I'm not sure if she's planning to give birth to it being still or not, but I'm worried that she might not get the chance to speak to you."

"T...to me?" Mark's lip trembles and he closes his eyes looking saddened. His hands run down his hair and he sniffs. "It's mine...right?" He whispers. "My baby,"

You stay quiet, feeling sad. You empathize with him in the sense of him being a middle man. "Mark..."

He sniffs again, slowly picking up his head and wiping his eyes. "So is that what you wanted a statement for? What do you wanna know? That I slept with my best friend's wife and knocked he up? Or that I took her to my place to forget about him while he fucked some other woman?" He heavily pants out, seemingly struggling to hold in his emotions. "Fuck. Are you sure it's mine? That I....I'm responsible?"

"That's something Chae can answer." You say quietly surprised that he took her to his place. You're even surprised that he admits to sleeping with her. "As for what I want to know, I want to know your relationship with her?" You say out in a soft tone, hoping to not evoke anger.

But he's not angry. He's disheartened and looks broken. "It was a mistake okay. She... I... Look," he sits forward. "I slept with her once. We both agreed to never talking about it again. By that time, things with her and Jaemin were getting rough. I don't now what was going on, but I didn't like seeing he upset. So I just started helping out. Or rather, trying to get Jaemin and her to avoid each other. She was pregnant and I didn't want her to stress. I didn't even know...that it was mine. I just wanted her to be...." He looks down and sighs out rubbing his face.

You feel bad for Mark, so getting the information you needed, plus the additional information he let out, you thank him. Jaehyun calmly leads him to the canteen telling him to drink and eat something or even rest a bit. You follow behind Jaehyun waiting to hear his verdict.

Before you can head on back Jaehyun sees Chae entering the canteen. "Wait, there's Chae," he points out. "Come."

"Mrs Na." Jaehyun starts and goes on to shaking her hand. She has a soft smile before her eyes see you.

"Hi Chae," You nervously greet, seeing her smile disappear.

"Hi." She stiffly smiles. "I got your message. What statement did you want to get from me?"

"Uh, if you could just follow us to the interrogation office-"

"I wanted to buy some milk before we can start." She cuts off. You look to Jaehyun and he nods his head.

"Oh, ohkay." Judging from her tone, you're reminded of when she yelled and slapped Jaemin for wanting you to stay. She's probably onto you. You step back yet jump a little when you bump into someone. Mark. He holds onto Chae's arm and looks in between his eyes.

"Mr Lee, I think it's best you to rest up for now." Jaehyun speaks up yet backs down when seeing the strong eyes Mark has towards Chae. On instinct, he gets out his phone setting the voice record on.

"Mark?" Chae's tone softens. "What are you doing here?"

Mark turns to you and looks back to Chae. "Can I please talk to her for a minute?"

"Of course yeah," You nod your head, but Jaehyun nudges you shoulder. You don't know why, but looking down at your watch and thinking of whether Mark wants to let her know what he told you so that she can perhaps lie to you- is what goes on in your mind and it's what you think Jaehyun stopped you for. You can't let them talk. "But can it be after? I won't take up her ti-"

Mark doesn't even wait for you to finish before turning back to Chae and speaking up. "Was it mine?"

Your eyes enlarge not only by him talking over and ignoring you, but by his question. Chae's equally stunned and confused. "Yours?"

"The baby." Mark starts looking down at her bloated stomach. "Was it mine?"

"Was?" She questions, her chest rising and falling. "What do you mean was?" Her eyes watering. "I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Chae tell me right now. Tell me the truth. Is this the reason why Jaemin's been upset with you?" He lets go of her while stepping back, but she quickly holds onto both his arms.

"Mark no-"

"Chae," his eyes water a little yet hers are pouring already. "I told you to leave him. I told you that you shouldn't stress yourself. I said come with me- Chae I care for you more than he does! Chae why did you stay with him- now look what you've done!" Mark bursts out, the tears running down his eyes. "My baby....our baby....our baby's dead-"

"Mark please don't stay that! He's still alive! He's still alive! He's not dead!" Chae frantically pulls on his clothes crying out. "Please-" she cries. "I'm sorry-"

"Chae why did you stay with him? I told you I could look after you, Chae..." He whispers and wipes his eyes moving back and away from Chae's hands that try to reach to him. "What did you do that night?" Mark ends up asking. "While he was fucking that woman, what did you do?"

Chae's trembling and hiccuping still crying. "I didn't do- I called you Mark- please Mark, please help me- it was an accident- I swear I didn't mean it-"

Mark steps back running his hands through his hair. His jaw clinches as the tears fall out. "You left my place to go back home- so you had nothing to do with Daejun's disappearance right?"

"Mark-" She chokes out. "Please don't do this-"

"Chae-" his voice trembles. "I told you leave him. I begged you to leave him- but you... You didn't touch Daejun right?"

Chae's hyperventilating at this point, the tears falling onto her clothes. Sh clutches her stomach and shakes her head. "She was hitting me-" She whispers. "She was hitting my baby-" She struggles to breathe but continues. "Mark I didn't mean to- Jaemin came in with that lady and Daejun was-" she stops herself and cries on. "Daejun was screaming- Mark please-"

"Fucking tell me the truth Chae!" Mark shakes his head and pants out. "Jaemin was preoccupied with the woman to notice you- what did you do? While he fucked that woman on your couch- Goddamn Chae don't tell me you laid your hands on Daejun- don't tell me you took out your frustration on-"

"I hit her okay!" Chae bursts out and shakes her head taking two heated steps forward grabbing Mark's shirt. "It was his fault! He made me do it! Mark that bitch was moaning out my husband's name! So I hit his precious daughter!"

She pushes Mark back with full furry and rage. You try to intervene but Jaehyun holds you back.

"And then she started crying and I threw her on the bed telling her to shut up- but she fucking wouldn't shut up! He was going to leave me! He was going to leave me if he saw that I hit her, so I covered her face with a pillow." Chae gasps out and moves back looking down at her hands. "But that stupid brat, hit me. She punched my stomach and I.....I didn't mean to hurt her, but I took her clock and hit her with it through the pillow. But she kept trying to escape and she kept hitting me and my baby- Mark-"

Chae bends down holding her stomach.

"Mark she was the one who killed my baby and tried to make a run for it- I couldn't let her tell on me and I couldn't let her get away with killing my baby- and then I saw the blood- I don't know if it was from me...my baby... I snapped. I threw the clock at the back of her head and she fell. She was about to scream again but I covered her mouth and took her back to the room. Mark- I.... I didn't mean it ...and there was a stupid bitch moaning out my husband's name. He didn't even care- he fucked that lady and I got so angry. I don't know what came over me when I grabbed the clock and kept hitting D-D-Daejun over the head.. I just wanted her to be quiet,"

Jaehyun stops the recording by the end of Chae's frantic crying. Mark draws closer to her on the floor and he gently wraps his arms around her, as she bursts out crying while holding onto him tightly.. Your heart aches for Daejun... the little girl who was caught up in the whole mess and drama.

"Mrs Na Chae," Jaehyun gets out his handcuffs, not even minding the couple that's securely holding onto each other. "You are arrested for the murder and missing case of the persons of Na Daejun. Anything you say this point on will be used against you. You have no right to a lawyer, and you are to remain silent within the next hour."

.

7 months later..

The days following after Chae's arrest were frightening. You had never seen a court case as such. Aside from the palpable tension between Jaemin, Chae and Mark, you found yourself in a sticky situation when Jaemin had to come clean and admit to what he did in the house that night. He briefly laced out that he was in an unfaithful entanglement with another woman- and while he said that, at some point in the court room Chae screeched in anger pointing at you with pure hatred blaming you for pushing her to the limit.

You don't really know if Chae knows you to be the woman Jaemin slept with, all you know is that she suspects you a lot for having an affair with her husband.

Speaking of husband, as soon as the court case was settled and Chae was sentenced on the account of first degree murder 8 to 10 years- Jaemin decided to put quits to their relationship with a divorce following.

You haven't known Jaemin for long, but within the weeks of the trial, you hardly saw him with an expression on his face. He was extemly quiet with this repeated gloomy face stuck on loop. Not only was it heart breaking seeing him that way, but you couldn't help it when comforting him. All you did was give him a comforting hug.

A hug which you thought would rekindle your 'love' to him again. But instead you got a little head nod after you asked if he was okay, and that was it.

You never saw Na Jaemin again.

His business suffered collateral damages. His public image of the perfect man was ruined because of the cheating scandal as well as false publicity of him bribing the judges to get away with killing his own daughter.

According to reports, even though he had lost quite a number of ratings (due to the events of the past), he continued to run his business for some months before shutting it down altogether because of the lingering discomfort he had in running a business after knowing that a child, his child, had died and was prematurely buried in his own hotel. After closing down his hotel and removing his license, you honestly thought he would find his way to you...

Foolish.

You have no words to describe the whole incident, but when Jaemin paid you no mind after the court case, you felt incredibly stupid for falling in love with him.

You could only say it is what is is. While you humbly thrived and diligently worked in your new role and position, you constantly got reminded of Jaemin whenever you'd go to the club with your colleagues, or when you'd sit in Haechan's passenger seat being reminded of your hot steamy make out with Jaemin in his car, or even the simplicity of looking at kids with their fathers. You wanted a relationship with Jaemin.

You wanted him, needed him, so desperately that you stopped going clubbing and got yourself a rebound in Haechan. You thought you could forget Jaemin, if you kissed, touched, fucked somebody else. Unfortunately, you were engraved with into Jaemin so much that nothing and nobody else came close or even compared to him.

Nothing compares to the way he made you feel by your touch deprived self. You'd secretly touch yourself behind Haechan's back at the thought of Jaemin and his skilled tongue eating you out, you'd moan out whenever Haechan kissed you because in your head you only thought of Jaemin. You only saw Jaemin. A soft hand touch, an unexpected hug, warm handshakes where you could feel Haechan's entire hand in yours, the texture of his skin- everything Haechan did, you only allowed your mind to see Jaemin in everything.

You wondered how your life would be with Jaemin. Unfortunately, your Na Jaemin was Lee Donghyuck.

That's why you're not too sure if you're imagining things.

You're out with Haechan on your monthly date night at a beach side restaurant sitting outside facing each other... and you see him.

You feel like you're losing your mind.

Haechan sits across from you talking about logistics or something along those lines, looking at passionate as ever that he doesn't even mind if you pay attention or not.

You really don't know if you're going crazy or not..or if you're imagining it.

But there's a man, in a black long sleeved shirt, with jet black styled hair, sitting all alone looking lavish and mysterious, drinking what looks like red wine...with his gaze on you from time to time.

The eye gaze where you feel as though the nerves in your face that go down your spine and chest are attracted toward his gaze. He's sitting two meters away from you, yet there's such a strong hold he has on you, that your legs cross over each other to slightly squeeze your needy core. The intimacy of... Eye contact. Smirks across a crowded room. Raised eyebrows. Knowing glances. Witty banter.

You gulp and try to focus on Haechan and his deviating topic but your mind wanders onto how you cannot kiss him but you really wish you could.

"Are you listening?" Haechan snaps you out of your dazed eyes and you hum nodding your head. From the corner of your eyes, you see Jaemin smirk.

For some reason, you can already tell that tonight you won't be leaving this restaurant with Lee Donghyuck as Na Jaemin, but that you will leave the restaurant with Na Jaemin being in between your legs. With the way he's looking at you, and the way your needy eyes plead with him, there's no way this won't be another 'secret' locked up in a room.

As you're about to leave, you tell Haechan that you'll meet him by the car.

You pay the finest attention to smallest details when you're touch deprived; such as someone's shoulder brushing against yours, someone starring at you too long or even your own hand brushing against your clit at night when you're by yourself. That's why walking towards Jaemin table, you know what you want and this time you're going to do it the right way.

You just hope this time that there's no dead body around.

-

I think the word count was 29k something.. lol...if you made it all the way to the end, thank you so much for reading. it took months writing this and i enjoyed every bit of it- which is why I'm even happier that you've finished everything- thank you for taking your time to give this a shot and reading it <3

[domjaehyun]

i ❤️ hot nerds (l.dh, n.jm) — preview

PAIRING. pervert!nerd!haechan, pervert!nerd!jaemin x popular!fem!reader  GENRE. smut, slight fluff CONTENTS. explicit smut (kissing, fingering, oral (receiving), titfucking, breast play, lots of drool and spit, overstimulation, snowballing, dirty talk, rimming, anal play, missionary, riding, mating press, breeding/creampies) WORD COUNT. 8.7k; teaser wc: 525 words SUMMARY. when your professor pairs you with the two smartest students in your class for a group project, you find yourself making an interesting deal with them. or, alternatively: the one where you have to help two nerds learn to get girls so you can pass your class. PLAYLIST. n/a NOTES. remember when i said i was up to something with these two? this is it! the full fic is already posted on my patreon here, and i’ll be posting it in full to tumblr on september 30th!

“You don’t get it—we need to be fuckable!” Haechan stresses, and you roll your eyes in exasperation.

“Haechan, you’re already fuckable.” you explain calmly, and he opens his mouth in preparation for some witty remark, but after processing your words, his eyes widen and his mouth hangs open uselessly, his accusingly pointed finger now pointing meekly at the floor at an angle. 

“I—So—so you would fuck us?” he stammers, and you nod slowly, looking from him to Jaemin.

“Why do you think I let you get away with your numerous dorm violations?” you snort in amusement, and he blinks hard.

“I thought you just took pity on us, y’know? Like you had a soft spot for nerds or something.”

“I don’t have a soft spot for nerds.” you answer. “I have a soft spot for hot nerds, though.”

His mouth opens and closes pathetically as his normally quick-witted brain scrambles to process the information you’ve just presented to him. Jaemin is quicker to act, sitting forward so suddenly the move could be considered as predatory, and you’re not sure if it’s the lighting reflecting off of his glasses or what, but there is most definitely a glint in his eye as he regards you, his lips gradually stretching into a toothy grin.

“So you let us get away with stuff? Because you like us? Like what?” he questions, and you tilt your head to the side as you think. 

“Your candles, for starters. Haechan’s tapestry, your many many noise complaints from your neighbors when you two get too heated as you’re gaming,” you start to list off on your fingers, and you cross one leg over the other, not missing the way both of their eyes shift to your newly exposed skin and how… hungry they look. “The way you—” you point at Haechan, “always try to get away with looking up my skirt.”

Haechan’s face flushes a pretty shade of red, and you smile, amused, as he scrambles to defend himself. Before he can, you hold up a hand to silence him. 

“Haechan?”

“Yes?” he replies meekly.

“If I minded, I would have said something by now. I certainly wouldn’t have kept wearing skirts and accidentally flashing you.” 

His eyes roll back into his head with a whimper and he nods in understanding. 

“And you—” you round on Jaemin, who’s still perched like a lion about to pounce, and the male just smiles wider, tilting his head to the side curiously.

“What about me?”

“You probably think you’re slick with the little lingering touches on my back and waist when you’re ‘trying to get by,’ but I only let you do that because I like it.”

His grin widens more than you even thought possible, the glint in his eye now unmistakable. “Oh, yeah? Where else do you like being touched?”

“I mean,” you hum, uncrossing your thighs and smiling as both of their gazes hone in on the space between your legs, “I could tell you, but I think you’d rather have me show you.”

“I have a better idea,” Jaemin murmurs, moving towards you slowly. “How about you let us find out?”

reminder that the full fic is already posted on my patreon if you don't want to wait!

[sungstars]

slut me out | njm x fem!reader

i.e you needed to give your situationship the time of his life after seeing his instagram story.

word count: 2.8k (not proof read)

content warning: situationship, open ending, smut lol, oral (m. rec.), fingering (f. rec.), explicit sex, unprotected sex(no!), creampie, lmk if i missed anything thanks!

author's note: two fics in one day! can we believe this LOL. would you guys be surprised if i said that i have a mark one that i'm hoping to finish and it'll be queued up for tomorrow morning/afternoon. i hope you all enjoy this fic and as always, dedicated to my crazy and delusional bffs. likes & reblogs are appreciated as always. requests are open till october 5th! i'm still working on my jay fic, and hoping to have that out by tuesday!!

“you’re fucking crazy,” you said once the phone picked up after the first ring, “you can delete that story, i saw it.”

jaemin let out a hearty laugh, “hmm? but jisungie looks so cute, what if one of my followers wants me to put them on with him?”

you jeer, fingering hovering over the red button on the screen, “you definitely could’ve posted him without making sure your shirt is unbuttoned and they can see the chain that i bought you peeking through. what if they’re crazy like me?”

“don’t worry, nobody has you beat in that department.” jaemin added quickly, “you can come over if you want.”

did you want to? absolutely. you needed to rock his world so hard that it was likely to be rated a category 9.5 earthquake.

“you can come to me,” you quipped back, “and hurry up, i dont have a lot of patience. don’t change either.”

“you’re so demanding,” jaemin whined, a glint of playfulness evident in his voice, “i have to stop at my other hoe’s house first, but i’ll be there.”

“not even funny.” you hung up the phone, rolling your eyes.

focusing back on your room, you jumped up in a panic. you needed to change and also pick up the clothes you had thrown all over the place.

realistically, you didn’t know if jaemin was kidding about seeing somebody else first, but if he wasn’t, you had about twenty minutes including traffic before he got to your place.

you shoved all the loose piece of clothing into whatever drawer or laundry basket they would fit into. doing a once over your room, you were satisfied with what you were able to do.

looking at your floor length mirror, you didn’t care too much about what you had on. a big t-shirt with snoopy playing baseball on the front.

easy access for jaemin, but you should probably change your dingy halloween panties from victoria secret into something cute.

perhaps pink? that seemed on brand for tonight’s theme.

you were digging through your underwear drawer looking for that lacey pink thong you got from the mall a few weeks ago when you heard a knock on your door.

“fuck,” you said, slamming the drawer shut to no avail and rubbing your hands down your hair to smooth out any frizz, “fuck.”

the knocking got louder, causing you to practically trip on air as you ran to grab the door.

“took your sweet time letting me in,” jaemin pouted. leaning against the doorframe when you opened it, “that mad at me?”

rolling your eyes, you pulled him in by his silky pajama shirt and closing the door behind him, “guess she wasn’t that good if you got here within the same hour of calling.”

jaemin smiled, dropping down onto your couch and sliding his shoes off, “i’d say she was pretty damn good if i got done quickly and i’m not here.”

you crossed your arms, scoffing at his comment and began to walk to your bedroom.

“you’re such a dick.”

“i heard that,” he said, jumping off the couch to chase behind you, “i'm just kidding y/n, you know it's just you."

"are you sure? cause you keep making comments about other girls, are you trynna compensate? i don't care if you see other people."

jaemin laughed at you for the nth time this evening, making you want to just slam your bedroom door in his face and lock him out, but unfortunately for you, seeing jaemin in those pink pajamas and gold chain sent you into borderline ovulation.

you grabbed jaemin by the arm, leading him to sit on your bed and standing between his legs.

"it's just you," jaemin reassured, a hand coming up to rub your hip gently, "just like driving you crazy 'cause i know you're really fucking insane."

jaemin got a whiff of your secret cloud perfume as you leaned down and kissed his neck gently.

"i'm going to turn you every way but loose tonight," you whispered into his ear, teeth grazing the shell of his ear, "and i'm gonna show you how insane i am over you."

a shiver went down jaemin's back as you kissed down his neck and to his adam's apple, making sure to suck dark marks into his skin before placing your lips on his.

his arms wrapped your waist, pulling you down into his lap as he deepened the kiss. your hands found their way entangled into his brunette locks, moaning as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

the two of you fought for dominance over the kiss, though jaemin just wanted to put up a good fight before letting you win.

you then slipped your tongue into his mouth, removing your hands from his hair and moving them down to his shoulders.

you gently pushed him back and onto the mattress, letting your fingers skillfully undo his pajama shirt, enjoying the smooth silk under your fingertips before pulling the shirt open.

jaemin pressed his hips up, hoping to get a small bit of friction on his growing erection and moaning when you rut your own hips down.

pulling away from the kiss, your chest heaved as you did a lookover his body. his plush lips swollen and glossy with spit, dark splots decorating his skin from earlier, his own defined chest moving rapidly as he tried to catch his own breath.

"you look so pretty under me, jaem," you complimented, your fingers dancing across his exposed collarbones and down his gold chain, "a sight only i should be allowed to see."

jaemin exhaled heavily through his nose, "a sight only for you. . please, don't stop. i want you. . i need you so badly, y/n."

how could you deny such a request from a pretty boy completely at your disposal? you weren't a cruel or dumb woman, so of course you'll comply.

you leaned down to attach your lips to his collarbone, biting and sucking gently as you made your way down his chest.

moving the pink fabric away, you let your tongue teasingly flick at his nipple to elicit a whiny moan from his mouth before taking his nipple between your lips.

"fuck y/n," he groaned, "that feels so good."

smirking to yourself, you pull off and stand up. the boy's eyes widened, trying to hold back another whine because why did you pull off? and why are you standing?

"c'mon," jaemin said, voice cracking slightly, "don't be a tease."

"a tease?" you titled your head as he sat up on his elbows, "if you beg, i'll consider."

a bright red hue cascaded over jaemin's face at your request, but he couldn't get any more pathetic than he already looked.

"y/n," he pleaded, "please do something. i am so undeniably hard, and if i don't feel those pretty lips or pretty hands wrapped around my dick that i know you love, i will implode and you'll be out of a bomb dick appointment and home."

a laugh escaped, jaemin really knew what to say to make you give into him. it's why you liked him honestly. he was funny and charming, and did in fact have a great dick that drove you insane. you used to be normal before he stuck his dick in you.

jaemin reached forward, grabbing your hand and placing it over his boner. that action alone could've made you cum in your panties because pathetic jaemin was probably your favorite jaemin.

you instinctively wrapped your fingers around it the best you could while it was restrained in those silky pants, slowly jerking him off and watching a bead of precum stain the fabric.

"see how hard i am?" he asked, breathily, "all for you. all because of you."

stroking your ego was one of the many things jaemin was good at, so you decided to play nicely and give him something to relief this tension you could feel growing in his body.

"take 'em off," you said, releasing his cock from your grip, moving back to give him room, "show me that pretty dick, jaem."

if you weren't standing in front of him, you were sure he would've fell face forward onto your carpet from how fast he was trying to get his pants down and off his hips.

once they were at his thighs, you leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before sinking down to your knees.

you were face to face with jaemin's cock, the tip an angry shade of red and precum still leaking from his slit.

spit began to pool inside your mouth the longer you looked at it, and you stuck your tongue out to swipe the precum dribbling from his cock.

jaemin moaned out, hands gripping the sheets beneath him, “stop. . put it in your mouth.”

you furrowed your eyebrows and looked up, “don’t make demands.”

the brunette’s jaw ticked, one hand coming up to your hair and the other grabbing the base of his dick.

he pushed your head back roughly, tapping the head of his cock on your lips and smearing more precum across, “don’t be a fucking tease.”

your eyes widened in surprise at the switch in jaemin's demeanor, but instead of giving him a hard time, you complied by opening your mouth for him.

without hesitation, jaemin shoved his cock into your mouth until it hit the back of your throat which caused you to gag and tears well up in your eyes.

"don't get sensitive now," he mumbled, swiping the tears from your face, "now be good and suck. show me why you're my favorite."

his favorite? you should been his fuckin' only like he said you were earlier. what is up with the inconsistency? he's gonna piss you off.

you used your tongue to lick the under part of his cock, pulling off to leave just the tip in your mouth.

jaemin's grip on your hair tightened, trying his best to let you have control, but wanting nothing more than to just fuck your throat until you're sobbing.

you pulled completely off his cock, bringing your hand to jerk him off while you used your tongue to lick a stripe on his balls and gently suck.

the brunette's eyes rolled back, a string of moans and high pitched whines leaving his throat as you continued to toy with his balls.

whenever your hand reached the tip, you would squeeze every so slightly, causing him to fuck into your hand.

jaemin was close, and you could tell by the way he was whimpering and trying to chase your hand.

you looked up at him, smiling to yourself before pulling off his dick completely, basking in his borderline sob at the loss of contact.

"why did you stop?" tears welled up in his eyes, feeling like he would explode, "you're so fuckin' mean."

cooing, you wiped tears away from his eyes like he did earlier, "cause i knew you were close, jaem."

he sniffled, grabbing you and pinning you down onto the bed in one swift motion.

sometimes, you forget how strong he can be, causing you to get even more wet if that was possible. your panties were sticking almost uncomfortably to your cunt, and you were hoping he would do something to relief that soon.

too lost in your own thoughts of pleasure, you didn't even realize jaemin was pulling your t-shirt up until the cool air hit your nipples.

he used his lithe digits to roll your perked nipples around, causing you to squeal at the contact.

"love the panties," jaemin teased, using one of his hands to snap the waistband against your skin, "so cute and so soaked. god, you really get off from anything as long as it's me, huh?"

"you fuckin' wish," you tried to bite, but it came out as a whimper when he pressed his hand against your core, allowing for some friction of pleasure.

"shhh," he said, "can't even muster an ounce of niceness when i'm about to fuck you?"

jaemin flicked your nipples, smirking at your almost pained moan before moving down to take your underwear off, eyes watching how they were sticking to your sopping cunt, "so wet for me, hm?"

you nodded your head in compliance this time, "all for you."

he swiped a finger up your slit, bringing it to his mouth and licking it clean, "taste so sweet, but act so so mean towards nana, wonder why that is?"

you huffed, hooking a heel behind his thigh and pulling him close so his cock would make some contact with your cunt, a noise escaping your throat when the tip came into rough contact with your clit.

"that needy? what was it you said earlier? beg. beg for it, dumb whore."

degrading was something you and jaemin never tried, but with how effortlessly it slipped out of his mouth, you wish he would've done it sooner.

"jaem," you grinded against his cock, "please fuck me, y'know you want to. please, i need it so badly."

jaemin just looked at you unimpressed, dragging his cock up and down your cunt, looking at how you falter when his tip catches your sensitive bundle of nerves, "beg more."

you wanted to burst into tears, he knows how much you want him, he can feel how wet you are and probably at more slickness slipping out as he teased you, "nana, please put it in. i'll stop being mean, promise. i need your cock--i need you. please fuck me."

his left hand came up to smooth your hair out, smiling all his pearls at you as he slowly pushed the fat tip of his cock into you, finally.

jaemin slowly pushed himself into your cunt, moaning at how easily you took his cock, letting his hand fall from your hair and place pressure on your clit.

"it's like you were made for me, fuck" he gritted his teeth, thrusting shallowly into you, "taking me so well every time, your cunt just fuckin' sucks me in.. ha."

all you could do was moan in response, eyes rolling back when jaemin's gold chain smacked you in the nose, "fuck, too good."

jaemin rubbed your clit roughly as he picked his pace up, hips snapping against yours as your arousal ran down your thighs and his balls, creating a wet sound between the two of you.

you clenched around jaemin's cock, letting out high pitched noises of pleasure as he fucked you harshly, the knot in your stomach tightening and traveling down your pelvis.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" you cried, placing your hand on his lower abdomen and trying to push him away, but he quickly snatched it and held it above your head, "jaem, fuck, please, it's too much."

jaemin ignored your pleas, "y'know you can take it, stop trying to run from it."

when jaemin snapped his hips harshly once more, you felt that knot in your stomach break and ecstasy overtake your senses.

you couldn't even muster the feeling of embarassment from how good you felt when liquid practically sprayed your thighs and jaemin's abdomen.

the boy tapped the head of his cock on your clit, groaning loudly as you continued to squirt before roughly showing himself back into you.

"jaemin," you squealed, back arching up, "i can't! i can't."

"you can," he said, fucking you harshly, feeling himself getting closer and closer, "and you will take this dick. you wanna whine about other people havin' it so bad, take it, slut."

with jaemin fucking you so soon after an intense orgasm, all you could do was sob and mumble his name. it wasn't going to take you long to cum again, and jaemin could tell about how you were clenching on his dick.

your fingers dug into his shoulders, creating red crescents as his chain smacked you over and over again, his orgasm approaching any second.

"i'm so close, angel." he whined, his thrusts starting to stutter and slow down, "fuck, can i come inside please?"

"o-of course," you nodded your head, your own orgasm approaching once more, "please cum in me."

one more snap of jaemin's hips and he let out a loud moan, stilling himself as white hot ropes of his cum began to fill you and create a creamy ring around his cock, "fuck, you were too good."

he began to thrust slowly to ride out your orgasms, kissing your forehead and whispering sweet praises into your ear.

once you pushed his chest away to let him know he was overstimulating you, he pulled out completely and laid next to you, chest heaving rapidly.

"y/n." he turned on his side, "i really do like you."

you smiled, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers, "i really like you too jaemin."

he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek and pulled you closer to him, "it's always been just you."

end!

[xotaemintol]

Which one of the dreamies is the most dominant iyo?

(Not you sending this anonymously after texting me about it girl lmfao 😭) but anyways, I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while now because I want to start doing NCT DREAM hc’s but I feel like it’ll definitely shock some people if I don’t put Jeno first buuuut…

My personal ranking would be: Jaemin, Jeno, Mark, Jisung, Haechan, Chenle, and Renjun.

Jaemin gives soft dom energy, like he’s rough but he’d also praise you and tell you that you’re doing a good job for him. He seems like he gets enjoyment out of you being embarrassed, covering your face, or doing anything that makes you look smaller than him. He seems like the type to have a size kink as well, so if you even utter the words “so big.” Or “too big.” He gets so turned on and will immediately tease you, he’ll ask you in soft coo’s if it feels good—telling you to take it as he thrusts into you with powerful movements. Luckily he’s not cruel enough to be so deep or so rough that he’ll bruise your cervix but it’s happened once or twice before. But like I said he gives soft dom energy, I just know that immediately after he’s clinging to you and kissing your face all over. “Oh baby you did such a good job!” He’s right back to giving you adorable words of encouragement while cleaning you up as you lie there in shambles.

Jeno seems like he’d be the most dominant but I beg to differ, he’s definitely a service dom. He wants to do anything to get you off but he’s not submissive, tell him where you want him to touch, tell him you want him to eat you out, ask him to finger you—your strong puppy boyfriend is there to please you right away “Like that baby? Does it feel good? Right there?” . Sometimes he’s a little strict on what he will and won’t do, once you asked him to fuck you in the bathroom of the restaurant you were in and he told you no three times before he basically dragged you there and fucked you like a wild man. But in general Jeno likes to be gentle with you, when he’s eating you out or fingering you he loves getting genuine reactions—he compliments you as he gives you soft kisses on your thighs with his fingers deep inside of you. When he fucks you (if he’s not feeling especially feral or punishing you.) he holds you close, he’ll hold your body tightly as his thick cock slides in and out of you—his praises are quiet and accompanied by gentle kisses all over your neck. He’s really into the sounds you make so he fucks you like he’s dying to hear you say his name. “Good girl. Good good girl..my pretty baby…pretty princess…say-say my name…say my name.” His words are both soft yet aggressive, and when he cums inside of you he holds you so tight you might pop.

Mark also gives soft dom energy, he’s more of a playful dom. He likes to keep things mostly vanilla and lead you calmly, he loves guided masturbation and he especially loves it when you touch yourself as if he’s not there. He’ll praise with in a low and steady voice, telling you to keep the same slow pace as you move your fingers in and out of you. it’s absolutely agonizing but the way he talks to you makes your whole body throb with desire. “Just like that baby, keep your eyes on me…now move your hand…just like that baby, that’s right…good girl.” He’s so good at praise, it’s literally insane how good he is at using his words—he’s almost too good. The moment he notices you getting impatient he starts teasing you, he’ll tell you to beg for him and trust if you don’t beg enough he’ll tell you to do it with more passion. “No no no baby, say it like you mean it; say please, please fuck me Mark.” The moment you give him what he wants he’ll fuck you like his life depends on it. You feel like you’re floating away from how good his stroke game is, while he’s fucking you he’s still talking to you—telling you how good you feel around him, how pretty you are and how much he loves fucking you.

Jisung is definitely more of a hard dom but he could pass as a switch but it’s only because hes extremely likely fuck himself dumb. Jisung is really really into seeing you beg, cry, cum, shake, scream—anything that indicates pleasure (or pain hes close to that line.) makes him go crazy. He absolutely loves to degrade you but with a healthy mixture of praise too, “You’re so pretty baby, my pretty girl…my pretty slut. Did my voice make you that horny? Did my slutty girl go dumb already?” He’s such a dirty talker, especially when you lose it. His fingers are enough to have you empty headed and desperate, his long slender fingers fuck you so good; but they also only make you want him more. Every whiny call of his name makes him sicker than the last. “Sung? Sungie? Jisung? What’s wrong baby? Is it too much? Are you trying to tell me that it’s too much?” It’s like his fingers shut your brain off through your pussy, and when he finally fucks you it’s so rough—he loves to kiss you while he’s deep inside of you, something about it turns him on so much more. And of course he has to cum inside of you, he just loves how it feels.

Haechan is more of a switch, a bratty one too. He enjoys doing things that’ll piss you off, if he’s feeling more dominate that day he’ll edge you for hours. He’s so set on seeing you cry and beg, if he’s fingering you and he notices you getting close he’ll stop right before you finish—he’ll do this for so long until you finally break. “You look so cute baby, are you gonna cry? Hm? You gonna cry baby?” He loves teasing you, he gets off to the way you whimper and call his name. “Hyuck? D-Do…you look so cute when you beg.” When he fucks you he absolutely loves to make you look at him; seeing your eyes roll as you struggle to keep them open makes his toes curl. But when he’s submissive, the shoe is completely on the other foot. He’s so sensitive, if you touch his nipples even a little his body flinches. “You’re so cute like this Hyuck…” When you praise him he melts into such a mess, his voice cracks as you ride him—he’s so sensitive, he can hardly even speak from the feeling of your walls around him. You’re so warm, so wet, and he fits so perfectly inside of you. He gets so drunk on you when he’s being subby, and when he cums he has to hold you and have your body as close to his as possible.

Chenle is also a bratty switch, when hes subbing he’s so difficult and disobedient and when he’s a dom he’s so cruel. “You look so pretty on your knees baby, do you think you’ve earned it yet?” He’ll tease you when you’re sucking his dick, complimenting how pretty your lips look around his cock and pulling your hair as you look him in his eyes. When he fucks you he’s so vocal and so rough, biting, scratching, hair pulling—he likes it all. Of course he has to cum inside of you, he fucks you as deep as humanly possible and when he’s close he’ll tease you about how he’s going to get your pregnant one of these times. “You ready to have my baby?” He’s such a kinky fuck. But when he’s subbing…it’s like what he did to you is only a projection of what he wants. Slap him, bite him, pull his hair and degrade him; sit on his face and make him eat you out till his jaw locks. “You’re such a good boy for me.” Even the most basic praise in between humiliating him will reduce him to a pathetic and desperate animal in heat. When you’ve finally had your fill of him eating you out and decide that he’s worthy of fucking you he’s so overstimulated that he can’t even speak; all that comes out of his mouth is gibberish. But even in that state he can still beg to cum inside of you—and if he’s been good enough you’ll let him.

Renjun gives me model sub energy, like he wants you to treat him like a prince—buy him sexy outfits to wear, worship his body, and spoil him with kisses and pleasure. He loves it when you suck his dick, he gets off to the feeling of your lips and tongue before he gets to fuck you—and of course it’s his right to fuck you; he’s your spoiled baby after all. “Mhmm…just like that, it feels so good.” His moans are so pretty, it’s such a show when fucking him—the way his back arches and how his heavy dick throbs and twitches is so lewd and beautiful. By the time he’s inside of you he’s already cum three times, but he can last for another because it means he finally gets to be deep inside of you. When he’s on top his stroke game is amazing, it’s like his brain has moved to his dick from how perfectly he fucks you. His lips are red and kiss swollen and his entire face is flushed—when you get on top you can fully appreciate how beautiful his face looks when you please him. “S-So good…” his voice drifts off as his eyes roll, his head falls back into the pillows and he goes silent from how good you feel. When he finally cums he gasps for air and looks you right in your eyes—he loves to look at you and watch your face as he cums, you’re just so pretty and he loves you so much; he has to burn the image of you in his mind as he cums inside of you.

[strrykais]

1-800-hot-n-fun [na jaemin]

when a random number messages you because he found it written on a bathroom stall … (pt .2 exclusive) (pt .3 requested)

nct dream masterlist

[luvyeni]

🌸 … ( text reaction ) hitting THAT spot ̨ ! ୨୧ 一 엔시티드림 ՞

⸃ ⸰ ⌁ hitting that spot while fucking you ヾ

boyfriend!엔시티드림・ fem!reader ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ smut ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ cw ・ ‎ wc ・ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎| ‎ ‎click to library

request. can you do the hitting that spot - enhypen but for nct dream pllllllllssssssssss 🙏

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 here you go !

﹙ 𐙚 : mark ﹚ .ᐟ

mark knows what he’s doing, he’s not super experienced but he knows enough to please you , and he knows how to make you cum. your legs folded up against your chest , you his cock kissing your sweet spot over and over. your eyes crossing as he pounded into you. “fuck you got tighter , did i hit that spot?” he cursed. “look at you going all dumb on my cock.” he teased. “m-mark.” he kissed your lips shutting you up. “it’s okay baby i understand.” he whispered , hitting your gspot again.

“just let me handle it , treat this pussy like i always do.”

﹙ 𐙚 : renjun ﹚ .ᐟ

his fingers aren’t that long , but he can always find that spot inside you. “you always make fun of my short fingers.” he said curling his fingers up against your gspot. “but look at you , creaming all over my fingers like a slut.” you moaned. “junie.” you moaned out loudly as he grazed your spot once again. “im gonna cum.” your legs trembling. “should I let you cum?” he asked. “ye-yes please.” you begged. “please let me cum.” his fingers curling once again making you mewl out loudly. “go a head.”

“cream my fingers.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jeno ﹚ .ᐟ

feeling your fingernails dig into his skin as the top of his cock grazes that spongy spot inside you, he knows he’s hit it. “fuck i can feel you tightening around me baby.” he groans. “did you like that?” you nodded. “pl-please keep going , please fuck!” which he does keep going , speeding up his movements, feeling the way your body reacted to his thrusts were exhilarating , he wanted to see you cum. “you gonna cum?” he grunted. “cum for me.”

“if i keep hitting that spot i want you to make a big mess for me.”

﹙ 𐙚 : haechan ﹚ .ᐟ

wants to make fun of you; but he can’t because the way you felt, the way you sucked him in after he hit that rough spot — he felt like he was going dumb as well. “oh wait -shit- do-don’t do that.” he hissed. “if you keep tightening like that im gonna cum.” he whines pathetically, you can’t tell tell if he’s fucking you dumb or if your fucking him dumb … it’s both by the way. “haechan please , keep going.” and he has no intentions on stopping. “like hell baby.”

“i want you to milk me for everything i have.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jaemin ﹚ .ᐟ

the moment he sees your eyes roll back; that’s when he knows, his lip’s curling up in a cheshire smile. “is that.” he moves his hips slowing, making sure you feel him all the way. “is that it?” he cooed softly, his tone definitely mocking you. “that’s the spot that has your brain going all fuzzy?” you can only moan out gibberish which makes him laugh as you clench around him. “that’s okay princess, you don’t have to speak right now.” he said, hitting it again.

“just let your pretty pussy do all the talking.”

﹙ 𐙚 : chenle ﹚ .ᐟ

his chest puffs up with pride when he sees your mouth drop open after he hits that spot. he knows he has you right under his thumb , which makes him purposely miss the spot after just to hear you whine. “being ungrateful after i’ve given you everything you wanted.” slapping your ass. “such a brat.” you’re pleading with him , just for him to kiss that sweet spot easily. “chenle !” your eyes roll to the back of your head , mouth dropping open. “is that you wanted all along.” he hummed.

“for me to fuck you dumb.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jisung ﹚ .ᐟ

he was confused; not only did you get louder; but you got wetter ( not that he’s complaining ). ”oh-oh fuck what just happened?” he groaned as you clenched around him for the fifth time, he didn’t even understand how much of an effect he was having on you. “jisung -sh-shit- keep doing that.” you moaned out , poor boy didn’t even know what he was doing , all he knew is that it was making you feel good and in exchange you were making him feel good — and that’s all the matters.

“if you keep clenching like that im gonna cum.”

©️LUVYENI

[luvdsc]

barbie girl.

if life is plastic (and therefore, nonbiodegradable), then it’s so not fantastic. honestly, who came up with that? regina george really should’ve googled about the new plastics economy.

or alternatively, pretty girls rule the world, and you find out that he’s (not) all that.

pairing :: na jaemin x reader genre :: comedy, fluff, angst ⋮ makeover + college au word count :: 24,618 words warnings :: body issues, body image, weight mentions, insecurities, beauty is a social construct, [spoiler] did something bad, people being literal scum, so much gaslighting that you can start a wildfire and j*ke gyll*nh*al should take notes, “if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing” playlist :: pretty boys (romi) ⋆ you can’t sit with us (sunmi) ⋆ i just wanna know (katherine li) ⋆ lie to girls (sabrina carpenter) ⋆ look what you made me do (taylor swift) ⋆ leftover feelings (regina song) ⋆ number one girl (rosé) + extended playlist here. author’s note :: she’s all that is one of my most favorite rom coms ever, but i’ve always been ///: at the whole makeover idea and decided to write my own version !! the idols mentioned in this fic are just characters, and how i portray them in this fic do not reflect how i actually view them or their irl personas. as always, much love to miss lana and miss moon for being my biggest cheerleaders ᥫ᭡ ↳ part of the 𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 collaboration series.

i. hiya, barbie! hi, ken!

Na Jaemin does not know that you exist.

Good looking, charismatic, and popular — it’s his world, and you’re just living in it. Or something like that. You’re decently smart, somewhat funny, and not pretty enough to stand out, but not exactly hideous according to societal standards (source: those beauty quizzes in Seventeen magazine that you used to be obsessed with when you were thirteen and in desperate need of flirting tips). If he was the main lead, you’d probably be Extra #6, maybe Extra #2 on a good day.

By your calculations, the two of you should never cross paths, like two parallel lines. Wait, scratch that, you would probably never be aligned with anything that has to do with this guy. You saw him standing outside of the door of your shared accounting classroom during your fall semester, and he spent twenty five minutes editing his picture for Instagram and ended up late for the lecture. And he probably already spent even more time selecting the final photo to edit before you arrived to class and noticed him. Absolute idiot. Absolute handsome idiot, but idiot nonetheless. A grade A himbo with a grade C in financial accounting. 

Okay, so scrap the parallel lines theory, maybe skew lines are a better way of explaining it. Yeah, that seems about right, the two of you are from completely different dimensions, never meant to interact or run parallel with each other. And once again, by this logic, your paths should never cross.

“Y/N!”

You stand corrected.

Na Jaemin does know that you exist.

You suddenly remember that there was that one small group presentation in that very same aforementioned accounting class, and you were assigned to the same group as Jaemin. Armed with this rediscovered memory, you are going to revise your earlier response and say that the correct descriptor for your relationship is perpendicular lines. That sounds right. Final answer. You’re locking it in.

Your paths should have only intersected once, the two of you should be going in different directions, and even though you’re in another class with him again for spring semester this year (since all freshmen with a business major has to take the same Gen. Ed. classes), not once have the two of you had a proper conversation with each other (He asked you to pass a note one time, but that barely counts). Jaemin should have forgotten you by now, and you should be continuing on with your side character life that you’re very much content with.

So then why on earth is he shouting your name like you’re old friends and causing what feels like every person within a one mile radius to stare at you?

He’s unknowingly giving you your main character moment, and you very quickly realize that you do not feel like the Y/N in any one of those Gojo fanfics you read religiously at three in the morning when you should really be studying or sleeping.

Instead, you feel like a bug watching its impending doom as a Doc Marten boot starts to descend at an alarming speed and you can’t even try to scuttle out of the way to avoid it. Frozen in your spot, you can only watch as your university’s it boy skids to a stop in front of you after running across the grass and flashing you his million dollar smile. “Hey, Y/N, right? We have ECON 13 together.”

Starstruck, your mind to mouth filter is completely shot, and all you manage to let out is a very uncool “Uh huh.”

He laughs a little breathlessly, and you feel like all the oxygen has been knocked out of your lungs, too. Sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, Jaemin tilts his head to the side slightly, the sunlight catching his profile perfectly, and your breath hitches in your throat once more.

“I know this is gonna sound really, uh, forward since we barely know each other and all, but—”

You’re barely listening to him, your heart pounding in your chest and the blood rushing to your ears. It’s pretty embarrassing to see how a mere stranger with a pretty face can affect you this much. You really thought you had a much stronger willpower than this, but it’s so goddamn unfair how this boy standing in front of you has the most perfectly sculpted face you’ve ever seen. Plus, his eyelashes? Why the hell do boys always get the prettiest, thickest, and darkest lashes? 

Meanwhile, you’re out here struggling to force your perpetually straight, stubby lashes into a curl that ends up lasting only a couple hours, even when you use waterproof mascara. You still end up with flat lashes and you have to feverishly scrub your eyes to remove the blasted makeup and lose a few cherished lashes in the process.

“—with me?” Jaemin finishes, and you belatedly realize that you did not catch a single word that he said, too caught up in your inner monologue and too busy ogling. However, your heart flutters in your chest when you catch the last part of his question. Not to be too presumptuous, but it sounds like he’s asking you out. Why else would anyone randomly stop you like this and talk to you for this long? You’re positively giddy at this revelation. This is your moment, the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life, like Rapunzel waiting in her tower for the one to come and save her from her horribly mundane, repetitive life.

“Oh! Um… yes?” It’s a 50/50 chance between yes or no, and you hope that’s the correct answer he’s looking for. 

Jaemin’s face immediately brightens, and he turns his smile up another kilowatt, nearly blinding you. You grin back at him, squinting a little. This must be how Icarus felt when he flew towards the sun. 

“Oh shit, really? You’re really agreeing to tutor me? Hyuck—you know, our class’s peer TA—said I was a hopeless cause, and I would need way more one on one lessons outside of his hours and all that if I wanted to pass. And yeah, I know I could probably bitch at him until he caves since we’re kind of friends, but he would also hold this over my head, but he said you had the highest score on last week’s practice midterm, so I thought, ‘hey, why not shoot my shot?’” He directs another smile your way, pausing for a quick breath. Your mind is racing a mile a minute, and his smile isn’t helping whatsoever as your heart decides to join in this race as well until it sinks when you finally process his words.

“Wait, Donghyuck said that about me?” you manage to get out, a little dazed, and Jaemin confirms before eagerly continuing on with his chatter, but all you can do is stupidly nod as the word “TUTOR” spins around and around in your mind in bold, italicized, underlined mocking red letters in Times New Roman font, size 12, double spaced, MLA format, the whole shebang.

Of course, he only wants a tutor. What made you think that a boy like him would look twice at a girl like you? The only other time a guy has ever expressed interest in you is to share homework answers for Calculus back in 10th grade (For the record, all of his answers were completely wrong, but Sungchan was a cute distraction. Actually, the two of you became very good friends once you very quickly got over the fact that you were firmly placed in the friendzone. He’s even dating one of your best friends now).

“Anyways, can I have your number? I can text you to match our schedules and figure out the times to meet up for the next couple of weeks before our next midterm.” You remain wide eyed, gazing at him like a deer caught in the headlights and still attempting to fully understand everything that has just happened.

Jaemin looks at you expectantly, his hand outstretched towards you with his phone tucked between his fingers. The device dangles there for an additional ten seconds that probably isn’t socially acceptable. Grab the phone, you scream at yourself silently, but your body doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. You blink slowly once. Then twice.

“Or, I can just… uh, type in your number if you tell me,” Jaemin says awkwardly, his smile wilting slightly as he shifts from one foot to the other under your unwavering gaze and slowly retracting his hand. Finally, you come to your senses as you quickly spring into action and snatch the phone from him, tapping in your digits and adding in your name and shared class before saving your contact.

“Here,” you mutter, returning his phone, and he gives you a relieved grin. You clutch onto the strap of your backpack a little tighter, cursing the way your heart skips a beat. “I should be free most weekday afternoons since I prefer to take all morning classes, but let me know when you’re free and we can work something out.”

“Awesome! Thank you so much, Y/N, you’re a life saver.” Jaemin beams at you, touching your shoulder briefly and you feel that very same place on your body erupt in flames as your face heats up in a similar manner. “I’ll text you tonight, yeah?”

You can only numbly nod, subconsciously raising your hand and waving at him, and Jaemin chuckles, flashing his pearly whites at you again, before he saunters off and blends into a group of other equally pretty and popular students, a few of whom look over at you with vague interest before turning their attention back to the boy who just joined them.

What have you gotten yourself into?

ii. you want to go for a ride?

“I’m getting sus vibes from him.”

Flicking her long dark hair over her shoulder, Lana takes a long sip of her wintermelon milk tea with honey pearls, a spitting image of that one infamous Starbucks meme of your school’s alumni, Hyungwon (His picture can still be found floating through discord chats, and you’re ninety percent sure your school used it in one of their recruitment brochures at one point). She’s sprawled out on the beanbag in the corner of your shared apartment’s living room, her HP laptop covered in sailor moon stickers balanced across her thighs (She swears HP is the best laptop brand, but you don’t trust electronics advice from anyone who can’t even use a toaster properly).

“Have you even spoken to Jaemin? How exactly are you getting sus vibes from him?” Moon jumps in, glancing over the top of her MacBook as she takes a quick break from her latest coding project regarding polynomials, matrices, and a bunch of other math terminology you rather not think about. You left all that arithmetic jargon back in high school after you got a 5 on both AP calculus exams and got to skip all required math classes for your accounting major (Sungchan wasn’t so lucky).

“He’s a fratboy finance major.” Lana rolls her eyes.

“Point taken, but weren’t you into that senior, Jaehyun? He’s one of them. You called him your soulmate,” you interject, and she splutters for a few seconds before putting her hand up in protest.

“Listen, I was going through a perpetual mental breakdown at the beginning of this semester. It doesn’t count. You try being a pharmacy major. Thank god I switched out to English. My mental state was compromised, and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“What do you mean not thinking straight? Lana, you literally chose the straightest, most heterosexual man out there.” Moon jibes, closing her laptop now with an air of conceding defeat. You have to give her props for trying to work on some assignments, but you already knew no one was going to get any work done tonight. It’s a Thursday night anyway, which means you have until Tuesday to get all the homework assigned today done. You can always work on them on Monday night and inevitably curse yourself for not getting it done earlier when you end up pulling an all nighter and show up to your 8 a.m. international marketing tactics class with raccoon eyes. 

“This is bullying, and we are on an anti-bullying campus,” Lana complains, giving the two of you the stink eye before leaning over and lightly shoving the snoozing boy sprawled across the floor next to her. “Wake up, Yang. Moon and Y/N gang up on me when you’re not awake to absorb all our gentle bullying.”

The boy in question sits upright, bleary eyes and the drying ink from his notes now decorating his cheek, a lasting reminder of the makeshift pillow for his impromptu nap. Yawning, he stretches his arms, rubbing his face and making an even bigger mess of smears. “What’d I miss?”

“We were just discussing Lana‘s tragic crush on Jaehyun last year,” you say, and she makes a strangled noise next to you. “Were you up late sewing again?”

“Yes,” Yangyang grumbles, “You would think Kaneki would be so easy to cosplay since he wears all black, but the mask is taking forever to make.”

“Can’t one of your sugar daddies buy one for you?”

“What sugar daddies? If I had one, I wouldn’t be stuck in here trying to balance equations,” he moans, crumpling up another sheet filled up with scribbles and his latest attempts at answering the second to last problem for organic chemistry.

“My bad, I thought you would have some from your cosplay account.” Moon shrugs, rummaging through her large soccer mom purse for a snack and triumphantly pulling out a box of green tea Hello Pandas. “You have like 100k followers on there.”

“My audience demographic is weebs.” Yangyang deadpans. “How many weebs do you know who are rich enough to send five thousand dollars every week to a struggling college student?”

“Wait, we’re going off topic right now. What do you know about Jaemin, Yang?” Lana cuts in, and Moon nods in agreement (You try not to look too interested, but fail miserably, no doubt).

“Jaemin Na? I’ve never talked to him personally, but there’s always stories about him and his friends. Jeno is on the baseball team and notorious for his body count. He’s the one that takes up like 30% of our university’s anonymous confessions Twitter account. This is his insta, but he’s not really active on social media.” Yangyang passes his phone around for the three of you to see Jeno’s Instagram. There’s a whopping total of fourteen posts, and every picture of him with someone of the opposite sex features a different girl. Instant red flag.

“Lia is pretty big on Tik Tok,” Yangyang continues, grabbing his phone to pull up her account to show all of you. “She’s pretty and is actually really good at singing, but she's basically trying to be the next Addison Rae. Jimin models, and she’s going by Karina nowadays. I heard she tried to trademark that name or something. She posts dancing Tik Toks. She and Yeonjun collab a lot. He walks for New York fashion week and has a Tik Tok for dancing, too. I’m like 70% sure they’re only dating to boost their views. Somi is the most popular one out of them. She’s the blonde one. She’s pretty talented and I heard she signed onto the same company as the Blackpink House. She’s even done a makeup video with Vogue recently.”

“And Jaemin has a pretty large social following. He takes decent pictures, and that’s what he insists his insta is for, but let’s be real, the majority of his followers are there for his face. You should see his TikTok. He literally just recorded himself looking at the camera and put some generic caption, and he racked up like seven hundred thousand likes,” Yangyang grumbles, pulling up his account to show you all the video in question. “Like literally, what the hell is this? I have to put in so many hours making my outfits and editing my videos and all he does is smile and paste ‘Don’t have a valentine again… hope this will change soon’ on top, and the preteens are foaming at the mouth.”

“Wow, jumpscare warning next time you show me him please.” Lana wrinkles her nose at the repeating offensive clip. Yangyang merely shoves his phone even closer to her in response, and she flips him off.

“Hey, you’re the one who asked about him. Why are you suddenly interested in him? Is this your Jaehyun 2.0 phase starting up?” Yangyang grins, and Lana flicks his forehead in retaliation.

“Shut up, when are you guys gonna let that die? Besides, it’s Y/N who’s interested, not me,” Lana retorts, and immediately, the spotlight is back on you. You cough awkwardly, feeling a bit uncomfortable with all the attention.

“Uh, he just asked if I would tutor him…”

“And you said yes?” Yangyang sounds scandalized and utterly betrayed. “Why would you willingly fraternize with the enemy like that?”

“What enemy? I didn’t even know he knew I existed until this very recent development occurred.” 

“Influencers like him are instant enemies to me, and as my friend, he’s your enemy by association. I can't believe you’re helping the competition,” Yangyang sniffs.

You don’t have the guts to tell them all that the only reason you accepted his tutor proposal is because you got ahead of yourself and despite all the odds and signs, thought Jaemin was asking you out. You know your friends won’t make fun of you (too badly), but that is completely humiliating, and you will be taking that to the grave.

“It’s just tutoring, don’t be so dramatic,” you scoff, making a face at him. “He texted me yesterday, and we’re meeting up at the library later today, and I reserved a private study room for two hours.”

“Oooh, so it’s a study date?” Moon teases, and your cheeks betray you with the amount of heat now emanating off of them.

“Shut up, it’s literally just tutoring. We’re going over supply and demand curves.” 

“No, back up, he texted you yesterday and you didn’t tell us about him until today?” Lana interjects, holding up her hand and putting on a faux offended expression. “What kind of friend are you? We’re supposed to tell each other every nitty gritty detail about our love lives! Like Sungchan texts Moon good morning texts at eight in the morning, and by 8:30 a.m., we’re already getting a play by play about it in the group chat!”

Moon turns pink and opens her mouth before deciding against it and quietly shuts it. Yangyang silently laughs next to Lana, his shoulders shaking (You decide that you shouldn’t tell them Jaemin actually asked you in person to tutor him three days ago or else, Lana will chew you out even more).

You protest, flailing your arms around slightly in exasperation. “There’s literally zero development in my love life! I have nothing going on in it, and I can guarantee you that he does not see me in that light whatsoever.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.” Lana looks wholly unconvinced, and your two friends look back and forth between the two of you like two kids watching their divorced parents fight. “So… Do you need help picking out an outfit for tomorrow?”

“… Yeah.”

iii. sure, ken. jump in!

“Hey, Y/N!” 

Jaemin loudly whispers a little breathlessly as he drops his bag onto the table and slumps into the chair next to yours, his chest heaving slightly. Startled, you jerk up in your chair, heart skipping a beat when you realize he’s here. You were supposed to be in a private study room, but there was a group of boys already in there, and as the most non-confrontational person to walk this earth, you decided to cut your losses and take a table nearby.

“Did you wait long? I got caught up outside the library when Somi stopped me and completely forgot,” he says apologetically, pulling out his textbooks, and you shake your head, giving him a shy smile.

“No, it’s alright. I was already here anyway, and I got some extra studying done.” You gesture towards the papers and notebooks strewn across the table’s surface, covered in your notes from today’s classes. “Should we start with today’s lesson? How much did you understand in class today?”

“Maybe the first five minutes of it only.”

You pause, glancing over at him. “Professor Hwang was ten minutes late to class.”

“Exactly.” Jaemin nods, and you stifle a laugh. He grins at you. “I don’t think you realize how much of a hopeless cause I am when you agreed to tutor me.”

“We can start from the beginning then. You have four weeks until the midterm, and we can go through every lesson we’ve had so far. I’ll make up a study schedule if you give me yours. And if you continue to go to Donghyuck’s tutoring hours too, you should hopefully be able to catch up and do well on the midterm.”

Jaemin wordlessly pulls up his class schedule on his phone, and you plug them into a Google calendar that you quickly share to his email. “So, I color coded your classes in green, and my classes are in pink. Do you have any other things that we need to work around?”

He peers over at your screen, scanning the contents. “I have my weekly frat meetings on Tuesday nights and mandatory events on other nights.”

“Alright, you can put them in and we’ll figure out meeting times,” you say, pushing your laptop towards him and he starts to add in his extracurricular activities.

 “Party from 8 pm to 1 am?” you read skeptically, your eyes scanning over the event he tacked in under this week’s Friday.

“Yeah, can’t miss it,” Jaemin says, typing in more events and making sure to color code them in blue. “Don’t you have things to do on Friday night too?”

“Uh, maybe grab a poke bowl from the dining hall to go and watch another Banana Fish episode,” you say awkwardly, fiddling with the small Gojo keychain you have attached to your pouch.

Jaemin stops, looking over at you. “You watch Banana Fish?”

Your cheeks grow warm. “… Yeah, why?” 

His eyes light up and he asks eagerly, “Did you see the latest episode? When Golzine leaves Arthur in charge?”

The two of you continue discussing the plot as he finishes up adding in his schedule for the next four weeks, finally nudging the laptop back towards you. “Do you need to add in your stuff too?”

“Mm no, it’s fine. I already put in my classes, and I’m not in any clubs or sororities,” you answer, making sure to input Donghyuck’s tutoring hours as well before scanning over the calendar and pinpointing areas where he’s free for at least one to two hours. “Okay, should we start with meeting three times a week?”

“Huh, you memorized Hyuck’s hours?” Jaemin notes, giving you a sly smile as he moves closer to look at the schedule.

“Huh? No, don’t you always know your professors’ and TAs’ office hours?” you ask, looking up and are immediately startled after underestimating the proximity between you and the beautiful boy next to you. 

“No, I’m not a nerd,” he snorts lightly, and you laugh awkwardly, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction and put a little more distance between the two of you before you go into cardiac arrest, “Right, yeah, well, anyway—”

“You were also interested when I said Hyuck mentioned you before,” Jaemin says suddenly, sitting up straight before a wide grin spreads across his face as he loudly exclaims, “You totally have a crush on him!”

“Quiet down!” You immediately shush him, the tips of your ears burning as everyone within a 40 feet radius in the library is now staring at the two of you. You’ve never received this much attention before, and you very quickly realize that you absolutely hate it. You loudly whisper-protest, stumbling over your words in a panic, “I—I don’t have a crush on him!”

“Oh, come on, your face is getting hot and you’re stuttering. You do too like him,” Jaemin laughs softly, propping his elbow onto the table and resting his chin on the palm of his hand as he gives you a once over. “I could totally make you into his type.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask hotly, cheeks burning even more when you feel his eyes graze over your figure.

“Oh, it’ll be so much fun. We can go to the mall and pick out some cute clothes for you, and then swing by the hair shop. You’re definitely using the wrong conditioner and shampoo,” Jaemin continues, eying your hair for a quick second.

“Wait, wait, we’re just here for tutoring, what are you even talking about?” You ask, bewildered before grasping a stray strand of your hair between your fingers. “And what do you mean I’m using the wrong shampoo?”

“And conditioner,” Jaemin pipes up, picking up his phone to search up some better brands he would recommend. “What have you been using? 2 in 1 Head and Shoulders?”

“No,” you huff softly, your ears growing even warmer at the accusation. “I just use whatever my mom buys in bulk at Costco.”

“Okay, well, you should use this instead,” Jaemin says, showing his phone screen to you, and your eyes widen slightly when you note the price tag.

“I cannot be forking over nearly seventy dollars on shampoo and conditioner,” you say incredulously, pushing his phone back towards him and waving your hand dismissively. “And there’s no way I’m going to spend even more money on new clothes.”

“Okay, fine, I think I have some unopened bottles from sponsored deals that I can give to you,” Jaemin sighs, opening up his text messages to find his friends’ group chat. “Or my friends would have some good ones, too. Maybe we can get you some of their free clothes from sponsorships, too.”

“You guys just get free clothes?” 

“Yeah,” he shrugs, glancing over at you. “On second thought, Karina and Lia aren’t the same size as you, so you won’t fit them. We can just order some basic pieces online or something for starters.”

“We—We aren’t doing this,” you loudly whisper back to him, hyper aware of the other students around you who keep glancing over at Jaemin. “Let’s just focus on making this schedule and helping you pass your midterm.”

“Oh, please, doll, it’d be fun. Just think of it as a payment for your tutoring,” Jaemin persuades you, scooting closer to you and pressing his thigh against yours lightly. Your breath hitches in your throat at the pet name and his touch. You’ve never been this close to any boy before, let alone one as attractive as Jaemin.

“You’ll look so pretty, I know the perfect outfits to make for you. And I can teach you how to get Hyuck’s attention, too,” he continues, nudging you lightly, and you’re still dazed, unable to get over the fact that he’s impossibly close to you, close enough for you to count the pretty lashes framing his even prettier eyes. You wonder what it’s like to be that beautiful, what it’s like to have people falling at your feet, what it’s like to mesmerize everyone the second you walk into a room.

Honestly, if Jaemin asked you to jump, your only response would be “how high.”

“If I agree to this, will you finally pay attention?” you sigh, and Jaemin instantly brightens up, nodding and giving you another one of those smiles that makes your stomach flip flop. Your Achilles’ heel is one very persistent boy who goes by the name of Na Jaemin, and he has hit you with a direct bullseye.

“Yes, I’ll be a model student, doll.”

You hesitate for a split second before relenting. “Okay, fine, deal.”

iv. i’m a barbie girl in the barbie world.

Jaemin is easy on the eyes, but currently proving to be very difficult for your nerves during your fourth tutoring session. Your wardrobe has increased in style and size by now, and you’re dressed in a pretty lilac top that wraps around you and accentuates your curves and hides what needs to be hidden perfectly. Your jeans may dig a little more than you’d like into your stomach, but it’s your fault that you chose to wear your photo jeans instead of your sitting jeans. Also, your hair has never looked better, all thanks to the boy seated next to you.

“No, when there is a low supply, there’s a high demand. They directly affect each other,” you try to re-explain to the boy next to you, drawing out the line graph once again. He stares down at the familiar graph before looking at the written practice problem in front of him. Professors must have an insane amount of patience, you silently think to yourself. 

You sigh. “Let’s put it this way. You and Jeno want to buy the same shirt, but there’s only one left in the right size. So that’s two people who are demanding the one shirt. And the store only has one shirt in its supply. So how would you describe this situation?”

“Oh.” The look of realization flashes across Jaemin’s face as your example easily snaps the puzzle pieces into place for him. “There’s a high demand and low supply. Too many people want the shirt, but there’s not enough shirts.”

“Yes, you got it!” You cheer quietly, mindful of your location at one of the library’s tables. “Now try reading through the practice problems and draw the appropriate supply and demand graphs for each one.”

 “And when I’m done with this, we can take a break, and I’ll teach you how to do makeup. My friends will help,��� Jaemin says idly as he reads through the first problem again. 

Your stomach lurches slightly at that, and you hesitate. “Your friends?”

“Yeah, you know, Jeno, Karina, Lia, and Yeonjun. Somi, too, but she’s been busy. I can teach you basic skincare and makeup, but the girls will have to help you with the rest,” he says casually, scrawling down his first answer and the corresponding graph.

You swallow hard, your voice croaking slightly before you hastily clear it. “Are you sure? Do you think they’ll like me?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, doll. You’re like a puppy, and everyone likes those,” Jaemin mumbles idly, eyebrows furrowing as he rereads the second problem.

“A puppy?” You don’t know whether to be offended or not yet.

Oh, you know, just that you’re cute and all,” Jaemin laughs lightly, starting to write down his next answer, and your heart nearly stops in your chest. You force yourself to breathe regularly again.

“Oh, I see,” you start to answer coolly, but stuttering on the last word, internally cursing your tongue at the last stumble. You try to sit calmly and relax for the rest of the tutoring session as Jaemin slowly makes his way through the practice packet, but the knot in your stomach continues to tangle even more, growing ever bigger. Maybe you should just tell Jaemin that lunch didn’t agree with you and cut this meetup short. 

But that means less time spent with Jaemin. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Jaemin is nice, so his friends should be as well, you reason with yourself. There’s no need to be nervous. Even if they’re all incredibly beautiful, hot people with the most unapproachable aura you have ever encountered.

Like honestly, how is someone like Karina even real? Her face could start a modern day equivalent of the Trojan War. She is literally the face blueprint for every main female character you play in your otome games.

Turns out, Karina is even more gorgeous up close. Ridiculously close with the way she’s inches from your face as she swipes on some blush on the apples of your cheeks. You never thought you’d see the resident it girl here for you, standing in the middle of your dorm room, let alone have an actual conversation with her that extended beyond a polite hello when she stops by for Giselle. It’s already been 45 minutes, and your nerves still haven’t calmed down.

“You just need to apply a little bit here and here on both your cheeks,” she instructs you, pointing towards your cheekbones and carefully applying the rosy powder to the same areas. She pauses in the application momentarily so that you can type out a few notes into your phone covering her directions. “You can go heavier if you want the cute sunburn, Sabrina Carpenter look, but if you do too much, you’ll end up looking like my ex.”

“What?” You’re startled, glancing over at her and nearly getting blinded once again by her lethal face card. She laughs lightly, giving you a slight smile. “A clown.” 

“Oh, got it,” you chuckle, albeit nervously, shooting her a quick smile. “I’ll make sure to not do that.”

“Relax, it’s easy. Just a bit of makeup here and there, and you’ll be fine. All I do is some mascara, falsies, and a good lippie when I’m lazy, and I’m out the door in ten minutes,” Lia jumps in, holding several different tubes of lip tints.

“Are you sure? That’s really it?” You ask hesitantly, glancing over the various makeup products strewn over your desk. It looks a lot more complicated than what she had just described.

“Well, maybe you might need a bit more, like concealer and foundation. And some bronzer and heavy contouring. But just stick to the skincare routine and it’ll help lessen it,” Karina sighs, dabbing some highlighter to the tip of your nose before seeing the uncertain look in your eyes, adding hastily, “But it’s so worth it, trust. You’ll look so pretty, and it comes with so many perks. Girl math is knowing you can go out with no money and just your face card.”

“Hey, you’re friends with Yangyang?” Lia pipes up, noticing the photo strip you have pinned on your corkboard, nestled between the various Mystic Messenger Seven fanart and Zorro art prints.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I am. You know him?” You answer, and she nods before leaning in and evenly applying a thin layer of periwinkle tint on your lips. “Yeah, we’re in the same German class. Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”

Well, you definitely can’t tell her about the raging heart on he has for his best friend, but it’s not like he really is seeing anyone either. You do vaguely remember Yangyang saying Lia was pretty and talented during his quick 5 minute minute class to Jaemin and his friends, so it’s not like he hates her either.

“No, he’s not,” you answer, hoping you made the right choice, and Lia’s face visibly brightens. “Oh, really? That’s great.”

“Okay, we’re done.” Karina announces, stepping back and holding up a mirror for you. “Not bad, right?”

“Oh, wow,” you suck in a breath, nearly gasping in surprise as you peer at the glass. You almost don’t recognize yourself. The contouring lifts up your face, slimming it down, and the blush gives you a pretty pink hue that makes you look sun kissed. Your lower lashes have nearly doubled in length with the mascara, giving you a pretty babydoll look. Karina had perfectly applied a set of falsies for you, framing your eyes delicately, and the shimmery eyeshadow and soft winged eyeliner accentuates your eyes even more. Your lips are the prettiest shade of pink, tinted and glossy.

You can’t believe it is your own reflection staring back at you.

“Now put this outfit on,” Lia says with a knowing smile, placing a shopping bag in your lap. “Jaemin picked it out.”

“Oh, really? Alright,” you manage to mumble out, dazed and still admiring yourself in the hand mirror. Karina laughs softly, nudging Lia before moving towards your door. “We have to get to a sorority meeting now, but I hope you like it, doll. And make sure to practice.”

“I love it,” you say breathlessly, grazing your fingertips against the cool glass, still in disbelief. “And I definitely will practice.”

“Mm, good, text us if you need any help! And send progress pics! We want to see how it’s going,” Lia answers, waving over her shoulder before the two of them exit your dorm. Sitting there alone, you stare at your reflection for a little longer, admiring yourself. You feel so pretty. 

You finally remember the paper bag on your lap, and you immediately dig into it, pulling out a flowy floral sundress. It’s beautiful, and you quickly tug off your jeans and tshirt before going to your drawers to dig around for the appropriate bra for the dress. You manage to find it, snapping on the bra around yourself from the front before twisting it until the clasp is against your back. You hastily push your arms through the straps, tugging on either side until it’s on perfectly. You suck in a quick breath, internally preparing yourself for the battle with the next piece of clothing, a.k.a. your worst enemy: spandex. You’ve familiarized yourself with the awkward jig you have to do around your dorm until you’ve wriggled into the tight elastic enough so that it sits in the correct spot and sucks in all the right places.

At last, you won the war, but you feel sweaty now, flopping back onto your bed for a quick break. You flap your hands in front of your face, thanking whoever decided to invent setting spray. You grab your deodorant spray and douse yourself in a heavy dose of it before picking up the sundress and slipping it over your head. To your great relief, it slides on perfectly, and you quickly shuffle over to the full length mirror hanging on the back of your door. You straighten out the dress and quickly pat down any strand of hair knocked askew from your latest struggles before giving a smile to the mirror.

Dare you say it? You look pretty.

You’ve never looked this pretty before.

You happily take out the dainty gold heart necklace you had carefully tucked into your top desk drawer, struggling for a few seconds before you manage to clasp it around your neck. You quickly pull the pendant towards the front before slipping on the strappy sandals you left next to your desk. You grab the cute purse you bought last week, now packed with the perfect essentials, and give yourself one last once over.

You have nowhere to go, but you decide to take a walk to the dining hall. After all, you’re dressed up so nicely, makeup done so perfectly, you can’t waste it on another night stuffing your face with hot Cheetos and rewatching the first season of Haikyuu!!. Opening your door, you step out and nearly run into someone. 

“Oh, finally, you’re done, doll. I thought you died in there or some…”

His eyes widening in utter shock, his next word dies on the tip of his tongue when Jaemin sees you standing in front of him. His mouth falls open slightly before he quickly closes it to swallow harshly, his throat running dry. He’s never seen you like this before, never imagined that you’d be this pretty. He inhales sharply, stiffening slightly as his eyes rake over your figure, seeing how the dress perfectly accentuates your figure, and settles on your face.

“Jaemin? What are you doing here?” Your eyes widen slightly before your cheeks grow warm when you notice his stunned reaction.

“Um,” he croaks out, voice cracking before he quickly swallows again, silently cursing when puberty decides to make a belated appearance. “Lia texted me that you were done, so I wanted to see how it went. You look… wow.”

Your cheeks heat up even further, and you laugh a little nervously, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “R-really? It’s not too much?”

“No!” He immediately blurts out before his cheeks flush carmine. “I—I mean, you look really good. You should dress like this more often.”

You can’t stop the smile spreading across your face, and Jaemin’s heart flip flops in his chest. “Really? Thank you, I will then.”

“Of course, really. I picked the dress myself after all,” He tries to joke before hastily clearing his throat. “Do you have somewhere to be?”

“Oh, no, I don’t. I was just going to go to the dining hall and grab some food,” you answer awkwardly, shifting your purse over your shoulder slightly and tightening your fingers around its strap.

“Let me take you out for dinner.” Jaemin blurts out, a little high pitched, mentally facepalming at how he sounds. “I mean, we can go over some of the harder problems in that packet since I probably need more studying anyway, and I’ll teach you a couple more dating tricks.”

“Sure, okay, that sounds good.” You give him a wider beam, and Jaemin feels his heart beat a little faster. Maybe you don’t need that much teaching from him after all. Seems like you’re a quick learner.

v. life is plastic, it’s fantastic!

“The only thing you’re fucking is stupid.”

“Shut the hell up, Yeonjun. At least I’m not sticking my dick in crazy.”

You watch the light argument going on between Jeno and Yeonjun in amusement. You and Jaemin had just finished your ninth tutoring session two hours ago, and you think he’s getting on track to actually scoring a decent grade for the next midterm. You were initially going to head towards Lana and Moon’s dorm for your weekly anime show marathon, but Jaemin insisted that you stop by the Alpha Sigma Psi house for a small party. Giselle and Karina are both part of that house, so you figured it couldn’t hurt to make a quick appearance. Good thing you spent some time touching up your makeup before today’s tutoring session.

“Hey, doll! Join the photo,” Jaemin calls out to you, gesturing you towards the area he and the rest of his friends are standing. You see another really pretty girl—Minjeong, was it?—standing on the side, holding up a phone and preparing to take the picture.

“Oh, no, it’s okay, I can just take the photo instead,” you laugh awkwardly, extending your hand out towards Minjeong, but Jeno gently nudges you forward, “No way, you never take pics with us. Just one, come on, Y/N.”

“Yeah, join us!” Jaemin says brightly, tugging you towards him and you stumble slightly, falling forward into his chest. You quickly catch yourself, hands suddenly pressed against his chest, and the blood rushes to your face.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you start to babble, trying to push yourself away before Jaemin quickly wraps his arm around your waist. “Nope, you’re staying here, it’s just a few pics, please, doll?”

“I—I mean, I don’t really—”

You start to say before Minjeong’s voice cuts through the air. “Okay, I’m taking it in five seconds now. So get ready and pose or be ready to live with the consequences on Insta forever.” 

Everyone immediately shuffles around, and you’re squeezed even tighter against Jaemin, and you just know that he can feel your heart pounding rapidly against his chest.

“Smile, doll,” Jaemin laughs gently, squeezing your hip lightly and you inhale sharply at that, your heart rate spiking and increasing exponentially. You muster up a few shaky smiles as the flash starts to go off.

After a few more pictures, you manage to untangle yourself from the group and hurriedly go towards Minjeong. “I can take the pictures, you should join in.”

She immediately brightens up at that, giving you a kilowatt smile as she hands you the phone and slips into your original position in between Jaemin and Karina. “Oh, thanks, Y/N.”

You wait a few moments for everyone to get readjusted before you begin to snap some photos, having already mastered this from the previous hang outs you’ve joined and knowing how to take the best angles for everyone, including all the 0.5 zoom out ones. After taking some additional group and solo photos for the girls, you’re finally free of your duties. Your eyes widen when you check the time on your phone, and you hurriedly make your way over to Jaemin.

“Hey, I need to get going now. I have to get to Lana and Moon’s dorm, so I’ll see you later,” you say quickly, already beginning to brush past him as the realization sets in that it’s been over an hour when you told your friends that you would only be fifteen minutes late.

“Wait, what? Hey, hold on, doll.” Jaemin reaches out to you, but you slip past him, calling over your shoulder. “Sorry, I’m late!”

He strides over, soon matching your pace as you speed walk back to the freshman dormitories. “Can’t you slow down a little bit? It’s not like you all haven’t seen these episodes before, plus we watched a few of them together after our last tutoring session.”

“Yeah, but I’m over an hour late,” you stress, slightly frazzled now as you hurriedly type out an apology to send to the group chat.

“Just breathe, okay? You’ll be fine. They’re your friends. They should understand,” Jaemin reassures you, grabbing your hand and you freeze slightly. He notices your stop and teases lightly, “I said slow down, not stop. What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” you stammer out a little too quickly, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. He’s holding your hand. Na Jaemin is hand in hand with you, fingers intertwined. You almost want to pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming.

“Well, alright then, come on, let me walk you back,” Jaemin laughs before tugging you along. “You can help me pick out which pictures to post on Insta along the way, too, yeah?”

“Oh, sure,” you say breathlessly, your heart rate quickening to an embarrassing speed when he squeezes your hand gently, and you nesrly trip over your own feet.

“Perfect, so what about this one?” He holds up his phone to show you the picture you had taken for the group earlier, and you falter slightly. Why are you feeling a little disappointed with his choice?

Jaemin notices your hesitation and says a little softly, “I know you’re a private person. So I thought you’d prefer if I posted the group photo you took. You always take the best pictures for me, too. You know my good side the best. And it’d be weird if Hyuck saw, too, right? But did you want the other photo? I mean, if you really want it, I can..?”

“No!” You hurriedly say to reassure him, squeezing his hand lightly. “No, you’re right. I don’t want my picture out there. And um, yeah, that definitely wouldn’t be good if Hyuck saw.”

Jaemin gives you a relieved smile. “Yeah, exactly. You’re not upset, right, doll? We still have that fun pic of us and our homemade pizzas from earlier that I posted on my finsta. I didn’t know making pizzas would be that easy.”

“Of course not, don’t worry about it,” you laugh softly, continuing to walk back to the freshman dormitories, and Jaemin swings your joined hands between the two of you freely.

“Mm, I’m getting free cooking and tutoring lessons in exchange for dating tips. Two for the price of one is quite the good deal for me, right?” Jaemin teases lightly, and you let out another laugh.

“You’re right, it is. You better step up your game then.”

“Oh, just you wait, you’ll get dating tips and a boyfriend, so we’ll be even,” Jaemin chuckles softly, squeezing your hand, and the butterflies erupt in your stomach once again, and you muster up the courage to say something a little more teasing.

“Is that a guarantee?”

“Well, you have a demand, and I must supply, right?”

“…I don’t think that’s how it quite goes, Jaemin. Maybe you need a few more tutoring sessions.”

“All I hear is that you want to spend more time with me,” Jaemin laughs, giving you the prettiest smile, and your cheeks warm up even more, heart stuttering in your chest. Speechless, you let him continue on, his chattering filling the air as you listen with quiet content, your hand securely tucked in his for the remainder of the walk back.

vi. you can brush my hair.

Jaemin sits on the edge of his chair across from you at the table in the dorm common area, anxiously tapping his fingers against the flat surface. You are down to the last page of the mock exam packet, carefully going over his work with a red pen. You made minimal marks on the papers, a stark contrast to the very first practice exam he had worked on near the start of your tutoring. At that point in time, he didn’t even get to the end of the exam.

“Amazing.”

You say in awe, scanning through the last problem Jaemin had completed before tallying up his final score and calculating his results. “I can’t believe it. You got an 87.”

“No fucking way,” Jaemin is wide eyed, staring at you in disbelief, and you give him a wide smile, sliding the packet over to him, so that he can look over the exam and notes you’ve written for the problems he missed. 

“Yes fucking way.”

“Holy shit, this is insane,” Jaemin breathes out, carefully reading through each page, and to his utter amazement, he understands every note and explanation you had added next to each incorrect question. He looks up at you, beaming, “I really got a B+?”

“You did,” you confirm, smiling back at him. “And who knows? It might become an A if the exam gets curved.”

“Oh my god, I owe you my life,” Jaemin chuckles, staring down at the graded exam in front of him, still in disbelief. “Seriously, doll, thank you so much.”

“Oh, of course, anytime,” you laugh sheepishly, twisting the rings adorning your fingers around nervously before averting your attention elsewhere, standing up to go towards the adjacent communal kitchen and carrying your filled tote bag with you. “A—Anyway, I brought some things to celebrate a job well done so far.”

“And how did you know I would’ve done well? What if I completely bombed that exam?” Jaemin teases you, standing up and following after you.

“I don’t know, I guess I just believed in you,” you stutter out, cheeks warming up as you set down your tote bag on the counter, unable to look him in the eyes, and he freezes, mulling over your words silently.

You believe in him? Someone who’s a hopeless cause? He honestly didn’t even believe in himself, he thinks to himself, his chest constricting uncomfortably, a foreign feeling making its entrance known to him, constricting around his heart. He inhales sharply, shoving it away with an easy going smile. “Is that so? Well, thanks, Y/N. And what are we doing now?”

“Making pancakes,” you answer, busying yourself with pulling out the ingredients from your tote bag. “You need to be well fed before the midterm. Your brain needs food. And the class is at 8 am, and neither of us are not morning people, so this is as good as it’s gonna get.”

“Pancakes?” Jaemin echoes after you, glancing at the various items strewn across the counter’s surface. “Does it really take this many ingredients? Isn’t it just the box mix and water?”

“That’s the short cut way. We’re making pancakes from scratch,” you laugh softly, taking out a mixing bowl and whisk along with the measuring cups and spoons. 

“But why? It’s so much easier the other way.” Jaemin whines softly, and you chuckle lightly. “Trust me, it’s worth the effort.”

You hand the one cup measuring utensil and bowl to Jaemin and nudge him towards the flour. “Help me measure out two cups of flour.”

“Alright,” he sighs, opening the bag of flour and carefully scooping out the first cup, scraping off any excess before dumping it into the bowl before repeating the process. “What next?”

“Four tablespoons of sugar,” you answer, handing him the sugar and appropriate measuring utensil before working on measuring four teaspoons of baking powder and a quarter of a teaspoon of baking soda. You pour those to the mixing bowl as Jaemin quietly measures the sugar and adds it in as well before waiting for your next instructions. You quickly drop in half of a teaspoon of salt before pushing the bowl towards him. “Now whisk this together gently, please.”

Jaemin busies himself with combining the dry ingredients as you take out half a stick of butter from the fridge (The one labeled with your name, of course. You’re no food thief, unlike someone who’s been stealing other people’s leftover takeout). You microwave it to get four tablespoons of melted butter before making your way to Jaemin’s side.

“Okay, now make a well in the center of it,” you say, and Jaemin clumsily makes an indent in the dry mixture before looking towards you for approval.

“Perfect, now add in two teaspoons of vanilla extract and crack the egg into it there,” you instruct him, and he obediently follows your directions. You measure out one and three quarters cups of milk and add it to the well before also pouring in the melted butter.

“Do I just whisk it together now?” Jaemin asks, picking up the whisk again, and you nod.

“Yes, mix it all together. It’s fine if there’s a few lumps, but it should be smooth overall.” Your eyes trail over his face, and you stifle a small laugh. “You got a little something on your cheek.”

“What?” Jaemin looks up, pausing in his whisking and you can’t help but giggle, staring at the flour dusting his cheek. “There’s flour on your face.”

“Oh, really? Can you wipe it off for me?” Jaemin laughs softly, attempting to brush at it with his shoulder but failing to reach that high.

“Oh, s-sure,” you stammer slightly, your hand quivering slightly as you outstretch your fingers and gingerly brush your fingertips against the apple of his cheek. His sun kissed skin is warm beneath your fingertips, and your breath hitches in your throat before you gently wipe away the remaining residue. You can feel his gaze searing into your face, but you refuse to look him directly in the eyes.

“There, all done,” you murmur, hastily pulling away and taking a step back. Jaemin lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in. He clears his throat, setting down the bowl. “I think this is all done, too.”

“Oh, great, that’s great,” you say, immediately focusing on the bowl before carrying it with you towards the stove, turning it on. “Let’s set this to medium-low heat. And I’ll add some butter to the pan, so the pancake won’t stick.”

Jaemin hands you the leftover butter and pan for you to set onto the stove. You use the spatula to move around a pat of butter, coating the pan nicely. Once the stove is ready and the butter starts to sizzle slightly, you pour a quarter cup of the batter onto the pan, expertly flicking your wrist to rotate the pan and cause the batter to form a perfect circle. You pull out a small container of blueberries, sprinkling some of them on top.

“Woah.” Jaemin watches you, impressed. “Teach me how to do that.”

“This? It’s easy,” you laugh softly, checking on the pancake until its underside is golden and small bubbles start to form on the top. You quickly move the pan, flipping the pancake onto its other side. “You can try making the next one.”

“Yeah? Will you wrap your arms around me and give me the one on one experience?” Jaemin jokes lightheartedly, and you nearly choke. “I mean—I don’t think that's completely necessary.”

“Relax, doll, I’m just kidding,” he laughs softly, nudging you gently, and you let out an awkward laugh. “Oh, totally. Just a joke.”

Once the pancake is golden on both sides, you carefully slide it onto a plate Jaemin pulled out from one of the cabinets. Your heart rate finally returns to its normal state, and you manage to say calmly, “Maple syrup and whipped cream are in the fridge.” 

Jaemin takes out the aforementioned toppings, generously slathering on some butter before pouring the syrup and spraying whipped cream onto the pancake. He cuts out a small piece and quickly spears it onto his fork before taking the bite, nearly moaning in delight at the first taste.

“Holy crap, this is so fucking good.”

“My secret recipe,” you say proudly as you start to pour the batter for a second pancake, evenly spreading it on the pan. “Was it worth the effort?”

“Yes.” Jaemin swallows, almost immediately going for another bite before he gazes at you, giving you a genuine smile, and your heart rate again increases to an alarming speed.

“Definitely worth it.”

vii. undress me everywhere.

You finish the midterm in forty five minutes, being the first one to turn in your completed exam. This  means you finished twenty minutes before the class ends and consequently, either failed it spectucularly or knocked it out of the park. You really hope it’s the latter.

Despite being rather preoccupied with other matters a.k.a. your suddenly thriving social life, you managed to cram in some studying here and there because your mother would absolutely kill you if you lost your provost scholarship. Gifted kid burnout? Who’s that? You never heard of her before (Just kidding, you’ve had plenty of breakdowns and cry fests over calculating bond values and stock prices).

Now outside of the classroom in one of the open study alcoves, you drop your Longchamp bag on the empty chair next to you before tugging at the back of your jean skirt before carefully sitting down. You make sure to readjust your bra straps, tucking them under the ruched fabric of your white shirt. Tapping your fingers against the scratched surface of the table, you briefly admire the shimmery gold ombré manicure adorning your nails that Jaemin had chosen last week. You pull out a compact from the inner side pocket of your purse, carefully checking your makeup to ensure it is still in pristine condition before quickly swiping in another layer of your Buxom plumping lip gloss in the best shade: fir royale.

The flurry of text messages pinging across your screen quickly catches your attention, and you tuck your mirror and tube of lip gloss away before scrolling through them, letting out a quiet scoff at Karina’s latest melodramatic outburst in the clout chasers group chat:

[ 11:46 a.m. ] karebear ✨: guys, gals, and yuckjun

[ 11:46 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: what tf ??? why are you calling me out

[ 11:46 a.m. ] karebear ✨: shut up or else I won’t make out with you anymore

[ 11:46 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: 🤐

[ 11:46 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: are you that touch starved bro

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: anyway as i was saying

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: this skank in my marketing class has been copying my outfits and posting them on her insta and she has like 10k followers now

[ 11:47 a.m. ] princess lia 👑: time to tear a bitch apart

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: like look at this shit

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: sent {10 images.jpeg}

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: my followers are gonna rip her apart

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: she’s downgrading my brand

[ 11:47 a.m. ] princess lia 👑: dw girl i’ll do a response video so my followers will see too

[ 11:48 a.m. ] princess lia 👑: she can’t get away with this

[ 11:48 a.m. ] karebear ✨: loved a message

[ 11:48 a.m. ] somi amor 💋: idk… they’re similar styles but that’s what popular rn

[ 11:48 a.m. ] karebear ✨: it’s gonna be song jia 2.0 watergate

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: just say you’re broke and go

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: if she’s gonna plagiarize me, she better do it right like bffr walmart version 

[ 11:49 a.m. ] somi amor 💋: you have proof they’re fake? 

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: i mean fake bitch fake bags right

[ 11:49 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: idk she’s kinda hot

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: shut up jen be like your hairline and fall back

[ 11:49 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: HELLO ?! back me up yeonjun

[ 11:50 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: um

[ 11:50 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: 🤐

[ 11:51 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: if you wanna be fucking stupid then knock yourself out

[ 11:51 a.m. ] karebear ✨: loved a message

[ 11:51 a.m. ] karebear ✨: hey my place tonight jun 🥰

[ 11:51 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: are you gonna listen to your own advice yj

[ 11:51 a.m. ] karebear ✨: excuse me ????

[ 11:51 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: 🤐🤐🤐

[ 11:51 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: proverbs 26:11

“Hey, doll, what’s so funny?” 

Jaemin appears next to you, and you let out a startled squeak, jumping in your seat, and he laughs, quickly placing his hands on your shoulders to steady you. You look at him wide eyed for a few seconds, his question not yet registering in your mind, and he waits patiently for your answer.

“Oh!” Your eyes light up, and he smiles at the endearing sight. “Just Karina ranting about something and Yeonjun being whipped.”

“Ah, so the usual?” He reaches for your bag, slinging it over his shoulder, and you stand up, pulling your skirt down once more to ensure you’re covered. The two of you start to make your way out of the Langley Hall. 

“Yep. How was the midterm for you?”

He brightens up, opening the door for you and you thank him. “It wasn’t too bad at all! I actually understood like 90% of the questions and for the others, I was able to narrow down the answers between two choices, so 50/50 chance, fingers crossed I picked the right one.”

You beam when you hear that, and he returns the smile, eyes crinkling in the corners, and you pretend to wipe away faux tears. “I feel like a proud mom.”

“I think my mom actually will be proud,” he says, eyes scanning the cars parked on the nearby street before finding his. He grabs your hand, tugging you along. “C’mon, we gotta go celebrate that our misery is over until finals week. Plus, we gotta prep you when you talk to Hyuck.”

“Wait, what?” You abruptly stop short, and he nearly loses his grip on your hand. “When am I talking to him?”

“This Saturday. You’re coming with me to the Nu Chi party, right?”

“Since when? I don’t go to parties,” you protest, “They’re too loud and noisy, and beer is gross and—”

“You went to the Alpha Sigma one a few weeks ago though?” Jaemin interrupts, and you shake your head. “That was a small party though. This one is the party of the semester. What if I embarrassed myself in front of the entire school?”

“Parties are the prime time for meeting people and getting to know them because alcohol makes everyone friendlier and people don’t stay within their friend groups,” Jaemin interrupts. “Do you really believe that you’ll get him to like you by, I don’t know, one day, your eyes will meet across the classroom, and he’ll fall madly in love with you? This isn’t one of your fanfics, Y/N.”

“Shut up,” you grumble, letting go of his hand on purpose, and he frowns, bottom lip jutting out in a pout before reaching out for your hand again. You swiftly dodge him, and he whines, quickly snatching your hand up and lacing your and his fingers together.

“I hope this isn’t how you’ll treat him on your date. Thank god we’re doing a trial run right now.”

“A trial run?” you echo him, and he nods, flashing you that favorite smile of his that never fails to make you weak in the knees.

“Well, we have to make sure your first date goes perfectly so there will be a second, right? Practice makes perfect,” he says matter-of-factly, and you nod slowly in agreement. The logic makes sense somehow. 

“Okay, so where would you pick for a first date?”

“Maybe a cute cafe? Oh, there’s that one place: Cloudy with a Chance of Boba!” You brighten up, thinking about that boba shop’s menu you spent a good half hour scrolling through on Yelp last night.

“Mm, the most popular place right now is that ramen place on the end of Maisie Street. It’d probably be best to go there,” he muses, tugging you along via your intertwined hands. You nearly stumble in your heeled sandals but swiftly catch yourself.

“O-oh, okay, so are we going there now?”

“Nah, let’s do the ice cream place next door to it. Not really feeling noodles at the moment.” He stops to look over his shoulder at you, and you run into his back, causing him to let go before quickly reaching out and grabbing your arms to steady you. “Woah, be careful.”

“Sorry.” You’re flustered, your cheeks now growing hotter than a furnace. Jaemin reaches forward, his finger carefully swiping at the smudged lip gloss on the corner of your lip. “Where’s your lip gloss? You should reapply this.”

Eyes widening, he then shifts and peers behind him, craning his neck to the side in all attempts to look at the back of his shirt. “There’s not a mark on my shirt, right?” 

You quickly rub off any shimmery residue. “It’s fine, your shirt is dark blue, so you can’t see it anymore.” 

“Oh, good. Wait, where’s your lip gloss?” You fish through your bag, pulling out the tube and handing it to Jaemin. He uncaps it, giving you the lower half of the gloss before gently grasping your chin with one hand. He leans forward and tilts your head towards him, his eyes focused on your lips. The butterflies in your stomach erupt in an instant. You try so hard to stand still, fidgeting with one of the rings on your finger behind your back. 

Jaemin’s face is so close to yours that you can count every single long dark eyelash that frames his pretty eyes. His lips are the prettiest shade of carmine, and you wonder what it’s like to be Aphrodite’s favorite child. How lucky you are to already be basking in the attention of her favorite; imagine how much luckier he is to be her favorite.

The beautiful boy in front of you carefully applies the gloss for you, fully concentrating on coating your lips with a pretty sheen once again. When he glances up, he’s almost blown away by the way you’re looking at him. 

You look stunning, pretty as a picture in VOGUE magazine. Not quite the cover page, but you’re nearly there. A swell of pride runs through his veins, like an artist admiring his latest masterpiece on show in MOMA.

“Anyway,” he clears his throat, handing back to you the lip gloss. “Let’s go. We’re almost there.”

“Alright.” You follow behind him like a lost puppy, and he reaches back to grab your hand and interlace your fingers. Your heart nearly skips a beat as your cheeks grow warmer once again, and for a split second, you wonder if he feels the same way.

“We’re here,” Jaemin announces, letting go of your hand to open the shop’s door, the bell above it jingling faintly as he gestures for you to go inside.

You enter the pretty shop, marveling the clean and simple interior with circular white tables and matching garden iron chairs surrounding each one. There’s bright greenery and plants decorating the edges of the shop, and the wall is covered in mismatched frames of paintings and pictures in various sizes and colors. The cheeky neon sign displayed near the front read, “It’s not gonna lick itself!”, and you laugh softly when you see it. The display of different colorful ice creams at the front are absolutely enticing, and you’re already struggling to decide which two flavors to pick.

You finally decide on a Vietnamese coffee and honeycomb swirl, accepting it from the cashier before you start to pull out your wallet. Before you can even pull out your card, Jaemin taps his phone against the screen, paying for both yours and his.

“Never pay on the first date,” he chides you lightly, picking up his ice cream. “Always let the guy pay for the first date.”

“Oh, but shouldn’t we at least split it?” You ask sheepishly, walking towards a table near the back that he gestures towards. He follows behind you, picking up some spoons and napkins.

“If the guy is so broke that he can’t pay $7 for your ice cream, then he shouldn’t be out dating anyway. He should be getting a job,” Jaemin retorts, tugging your chair out for you before sitting across from you and handing you a spoon and napkin. “Don’t you watch that Shera lady? Sprinkle, sprinkle and all that jazz. Maybe you can split for the future dates, but if the guy has any basic decency, he would pay for the first one.”

“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind,” you sigh, taking a hefty scoop of your ice cream and having the first bite. It’s delicious, and you make a mental note to buy a pint and bring back to your dorm to share with Giselle later.

The two of you continue to discuss various appropriate topics to broach on a first date (“Hey Jaemin, you like cheese? My favorite’s Gouda.” “… Please do not ask that.”). You quickly jot down bullet points in your Notes app, your fingers flying over the screen as Jaemin instructs you on good conversational starters and body language.

“So you just need to touch him on his upper forearm and then pull away. Stoke his ego and say he’s funny or some shit like that. At least you don’t have to force yourself to laugh with him though because Hyuck is naturally funny anyway. And he’s good at keeping up the conversation and a people person, so it won’t be awkward even for your first date,” Jaemin continues as you nod, rapidly typing what he says.

“And at the end of the date, touch his shoulder again, glance down at his lips for a brief second before making eye contact. If he’s bold enough, he’ll go for the first kiss. But then just immediately smile and say you had a great time before he can lean in. After that, he won’t stop thinking about that moment, and it’ll drive him crazy, and he’ll be texting you for a second date within the next day.”

“Mm, okay, I think I got it,” you mumble absentmindedly, engrossed in writing down the last few bullet points and Jaemin leans over to take a closer look at your phone, his eyes flitting over the screen.

“So for the last point, do I have to deny the first kiss then? Smile and walk away before he leans in and…” 

You start to ask until you look up, and your breath hitches in your throat at the close proximity, your and his noses almost brushing. Jaemin is so pretty, even prettier when you can count the few freckles dotting his face, can clearly see the mesmerizing golden flecks dotting his irises, can admire the way his lips look so soft and curve into the picture perfect smile. Your heart thumps wildly, nearly falling onto the floor along with your jaw when you glance up from staring at his lips and see that he’s already looking back at you with the softest expression on his face.

“You don’t have to,” Jaemin murmurs, and your heart stutters in your chest as he moves in closer, his lashes brushing against your cheek, and suddenly, his lips are pressed against yours. They’re pink and soft and slot perfectly against yours in a way that has your heart skipping beats and stomach doing cartwheels.

Eyes widening, you freeze up, letting out a quiet squeak of surprise, before he pulls away, giving you an amused smile. The lingering warmth on your lips makes your cheeks heat up, and you have to break eye contact, stammering over your words as you gently graze your fingers over your lips in wonderment.

Jaemin laughs softly as he leans back in his chair. “We’ll have to work on this too then. You’re kissing like it’s a Park Shinhye kdrama.”

You’re still dazed, cheeks growing even warmer as you avoid his gaze, fiddling with the loose thread on the hem of your skirt. “That was my first kiss.”

Jaemin pauses at the realization, his cheeks flushing slightly before he clears his throat, giving you a half smile and a light chuckle, “Oh, really? That’s cute, doll. Well, I’ll teach you some tips, so you’ll be better at it by the time you ask Hyuck out. At least you got a decent first kiss, right? No big deal.”

“Yeah, no big deal,” you echo softly, your heart still racing at breakneck speed. You pretend to focus on the remnants of your ice cream in the bottom of your paper cup, fingers gripping around the container tightly.

Jaemin was right.

You don’t think you’ll be able to stop thinking about this moment anytime soon.

viii. come on, barbie, let’s go party!

“Are you sure you wanna do this?”

Moon asks worriedly, helping you with your makeup as you sit, perched on the edge of your bed. She uncaps your eyeliner as Lana fusses with your shirt, smoothing out any of the wrinkles. “Actually, I can’t do it. You do it, Yang. You’re an expert at this.”

“Alright, give it to me.” Yangyang comes over, grabbing the eyeliner and expertly draws on the wing above your right eye. “Years of cosplay have finally come in handy. Although, I still can’t believe you’re putting in all this effort for Jaemin.”

“I need to look pretty. He usually does my makeup for me, but he’s busy right now,” you mumble, twisting the ring around your finger anxiously. “It’s my first time going to a party. I can’t embarrass him when he’s a ten.”

“Yeah, in rupees,” Yangyang scoffs, and Lana frowns at you, stopping in her tracks. “Don't talk about yourself like that. You’re already pretty, and if anything, you should be embarrassed to be seen with that slime ball. I can’t believe he doesn’t even have the decency to pick you up. Why are you the one going to his place?”

“He has some frat meeting right now,” you answer, glancing down at your newly manicured nails. The pearl color shimmers under the light, and you can’t help but admire it even more. You wish they were a little shorter, but they really do look quite pretty.

“What meeting? We’re in the same frat. Also, hold still,” Yangyang huffs, holding your chin as he draws on the left wing over your eye. “We need them to look like twins, not cousins twice removed.”

“I don’t know, he just said there was some meeting,” you mumble, holding perfectly still until he finally finishes. “Maybe it was a one on one meeting or something, who knows?”

“I still think he’s shady,” Lana grumbles, and Moon nods as well. “Yeah, like the first kiss thing?”

“It’s no big deal,” you wave your hand dismissively, hopping off of your bed and taking a look at yourself in your mirror. “Better to get it over with, right? I mean, imagine being this old and not having your first kiss yet.”

“Is that what he said to you?” Moon huffs, affronted, and you shift in your place uncomfortably. “No, of course not. It’s just—everyone gets their first kiss when they’re like fourteen or fifteen, right?”

“That’s not the point,” Lana says indignantly, tucking your hair behind your ear carefully. “You wanted it to be special, didn’t you? It just feels like… he took something away from you.”

“He didn’t. I wanted this,” you answer loudly, ignoring the way your stomach flip flops as you try not to think back to that moment. He kissed you, he really does like you back, he might have not said it out loud, but he knows how much it means to you (Wouldn’t he?).

“Okay, as long as you’re happy,” Moon gives in, and she and Lana exchange a worried look that goes unnoticed by you. But what can they do? They can continue to try convincing you, but it will never work when it falls on deaf ears. 

“I am,” you insist, avoiding your friends’ gazes and staring at yourself back in the mirror. Moon attempts to lift the mood again, offering you a tentative smile in the reflection. “This whole thing is like a whole emotional rollercoaster, and Yangyang is definitely not tall enough to ride.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m literally almost six foot tall,” Yangyang shoots back, and you laugh, relaxing once more as you watch your friends start to bicker again.

“Listen, you can’t be delusional and short. Pick a struggle.” Moon counters, and Lana agrees, handing you your phone to tuck into your pocket. “She’s right. You carry yourself with the confidence of a much taller man.”

You smile fondly as the bickering between your friends continues. You miss them, you realize with a jolting pang of regret, you haven’t been hanging out with them as often as you used to. In fact, the majority of your weeks are spent with Jaemin and his friends.

It’s your first cold dose of reality, and you’re hit with a startling truth. You haven’t been a very good friend lately.

—

Lana drove you to the Nu Chi Theta house, and you felt like a kindergartener being dropped for her first day of school. Your face feels hot as a wave of embarrassment rushes over you as you notice the amount of glances you receive from the insanely pretty girls and boys already on the front lawn and streaming out from the front door. You quickly exit the vehicle, hurriedly waving good bye over your shoulder before making your way into the house, almost tripping over the raised walkway.

You wander around the house, searching for Jaemin and quickly sidestepping a through the couples and other students dancing around, nearly getting bowled over by someone you recognize from your school’s football team. He gives you a quick once over before offering a half apology, eyes set on another girl on the other side of the room. You take a deep breath before pushing your way into the next room, finally spotting Jaemin with his friends, minus Jeno and Somi, by the staircase and letting out a sigh of relief.

“Hey,” you say breathlessly, squeezing through two couples busily making out in the doorway and wincing slightly when you jostle both of them, causing them to give you dirty looks before resuming their activities. 

“Oh, hi, Y/N!” Karina says brightly, giving you a perfect smile and reaching over to squeeze your arm gently. “We didn’t think you’d make it.”

“My first frat party? Of course, I wouldn’t miss it,” you laugh, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear nervously before fiddling with the hem of your shirt. Jaemin gives you a small smile, and you return it with a slightly shaky one, your eyes flickering towards the fading pink, glossy lip mark staining the collar of his shirt. The color is much too dark to be Jaemin’s, and your stomach churns slightly.

“You look so pretty, Y/N, I love the confidence,” Lia chimes in, gently pinching the fabric of your skirt between her manicured fingers. “I love this, you’ll have to let me borrow it sometime.”

“Oh, of course! You can borrow it anytime,” you agree quickly, flashing her a slightly forced smile before glancing over at Jaemin again, unsure what to do.

“Where do you shop?” Yeonjun asks, glancing over at your outfit. “The shirt is nice, too.”

“Oh my god, yes, we have to go shopping together sometime, and you’ll have to show me all the good places,” Karina cuts in, nudging you gently before letting out a sigh, looking over at Lia. “God, I’ve been feeling so fat lately, like freshman twenty might be getting to me.”

“No, same, I’ve been extending my gym sessions and doing Pilates,” Lia huffs softly, and you remain silent, switching your weight around on each foot, glancing over at Jaemin helplessly.

“I need another drink. You coming, Y/N?” Jaemin finally speaks up before brushing past Yeonjun, and you hurriedly follow behind him, careful not to fall behind or get swept away. He quickly pushes through to the kitchen, finding a spot next to the counter covered in various bottles of cheap alcohol and stacks of red solo cups dispersed in between.

“You want one?” Jaemin asks, extending a shot of vodka he just poured out towards you, and you shake your head before he gives a wry smile. “You sure? It’ll help with the nerves. You were shaking back there.”

Your cheeks grow warm. “You noticed?”

“Everybody noticed,” he snorted, handing you the cup, and you wince slightly before holding your nose and downing it in one go. “Give me another then.”

“Atta girl,” Jaemin hands you another shot and you take that one just as quickly, making a face that causes him to smile subconsciously. As he pours himself a cup of beer, he spots Donghyuck by the pool out back, and a knot settles in his stomach uncomfortably. He almost doesn’t want to tell you, and he doesn’t know why. It’s just because he worked so hard to make you look this good, and his loudmouth friend gets to reap all the benefits, he tells himself, taking a swig of his drink, Donghyuck doesn’t know how lucky he is.

Ignoring all the stop signs and whistles going off in his head, he gestures towards Donghyuck outside, clenching the red cup in his hand a little tighter than normal. “There’s your chance. Gotta do it before the alcohol wears off.”

“Oh, um, actually, I wanted to talk to you,” you stammer out, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear again (It’s one of your habits when you’re nervous, and he thinks it might be his favorite). He pushes down the growing knot in his stomach.

“We’ll talk later, yeah? You can’t miss this,” Jaemin insists before nudging you in the direction of the pool outside despite your soft protests.

“W-wait, I  jus—” you say desperately, but Jaemin merely waves you off before disappearing back into the party inside. You let out a sigh, shoulders sagging slightly. You wouldn’t want to disappoint him after all the effort he put in these past four weeks.

You’ll tell him later.

—

“Oh? Where’s your little Barbie doll, Jaemin?” Karina simpers as she lazily taps her pretty manicured nails against the half filled red solo cup in her other hand when Jaemin returns to his original spot. “Have you gotten bored of playing with her yet?”

“It’s not like that,” Jaemin answers hotly, “She’s… fun. She makes me laugh.”

“How? By looking at her?” Yeonjun snorts, chugging his own cup before crinkling it in his fist. Jaemin wants to throw up. “We thought you just did this because you’ve been having a dry spell and were bored. Where is she anyway?

 “She’s talking to Hyuck right now,” Jaemin mumbles meekly, shoulders slightly hunched over as he stares into the depths of his own solo cup.

“Really? I mean, is she even his type?” Lia asks skeptically, straightening up in her spot to see if she can spot you or Donghyuck anywhere. “If anything, I thought her friend—the pretty English major one—would be his type. How is she anyone’s type?”

“Hey, he turned her from a four to a solid eight. She might even go up half a point once you introduce her to an exercise and diet plan.” Karina says offhandedly, raising her cup towards him in mock salute before taking a sip.

“Yeah, how are you going to do that? It’s not like you can even sugarcoat it for her because then she’d eat it too,” Yeonjun throws out with a smirk, and Jaemin feels sick to his stomach, the nauseating feeling growing exponentially and gnawing at him as his friend continues, “I mean she’s probably already on the seafood diet because she sees any food and just eats it. How can you even stand her, Jae? The way she just follows you around like a puppy. Isn’t it annoying?”

“God, I know, the way she basically chases after us like a lap dog is so pathetic. At least she takes good insta pics for us though, so she’s somewhat useful. But we had that one really good group photo at that last party, and she totally ruined the picture. You can’t even crop her out because she had to stand next to you, Jae,” Lia complains, rolling her eyes, and Karina laughs, taking out her phone and scrolling through her photos.

“Oh my god, I know  the exact photo you’re talking about. It’s this one, right? She practically threw herself into your arms,” She flashes her screen towards the group, and Jaemin wants to shrink and crawl into a hole somewhere and die. Was it the best photo of you? No. Was it the worst? Maybe close to it. You’re standing sideways and still taking up more space in the photo than the others, and the flash photography did not do any favors for you. You stand out even worse than Will Smith in the sunflower costume meme. He cringes inwardly, noting the way your skirt had rolled up and you’re smiling a little too widely. He makes a mental note to help you practice  better, more flattering poses later on.

“You know that famous baby hippo? Moo Deng? I think we found her twin from the future,” Yeonjun barks out a laugh, reaching over and zooming in on you as Karina smirks before putting away her phone. Lia giggles and glances over at Jaemin, scrutinizing his reaction before a sly expression makes an appearance on her face, saying coyly, “You have a crush on her, don’t you?”

Jaemin flushes, embarrassment coating his cheeks, and he immediately snaps, “Shut up, I might be lonely, but I’m not despera—”

“Oh, Y/N!” Lia says loudly, effectively cutting Jaemin short. “How did it go? Are you and Hyuck gonna be the new couple on campus?”

Immediately, his heart drops even further to his stomach, and Jaemin whirls around to see you standing a few feet away. Did Lia know you were there?  How long were you standing there? Did you hear them? Did you hear every horrible thing they said about you?

“Oh, Donghyuck said he wasn’t interested, but he was nice about it,” you say, offering a vague smile in Jaemin’s direction, and he nearly breathes a sigh of relief as his heart starts to slow back down to its normal rate. A part of him is glad that Donghyuck rejected you, and he nearly misses what you say next, too caught up in this unfamiliar feeling.

“I think I’m going to head back to my dorm. I’m a little tired. Thank you for inviting me.”

With that, you turn away and walk off, but something still doesn’t feel right to Jaemin. It’s a split second decision but for once, he puts his heart over his mind and chases after you, ignoring the increasing whispers from his friends and their eyes searing into his back.

ix. raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by na jaemin.

Jaemin is right on your heels the entire time you walk back to your dorm. All he receives is stony silence from you that he fills with babbling nonsense, asking you what’s wrong to no avail. When you finally enter your dorm, you turn to him at last, and he perks up. However, the two words that come out of your mouth have him deflating faster than Yangyang’s ego when Alice called him a shitty kisser with too much saliva (“You’re supposed to make me wet down there, not up here. Honestly, dude, if I wanted to drown myself, I would’ve jumped into the ocean.”).

“We’re done.”

You decide to bite the bullet.

After freeing your feet from their pointy death contraptions, you peel off each layer of clothing one by one, unzipping the mini skirt and kicking it away before tugging at the spandex, unleashing the breath you’ve been holding in since 8 a.m. to fit into it. There’s still indents marking the dips in your waist and your thighs, a lasting reminder that stays like an embarrassing stain. You fling that abhorrent piece of elastic elsewhere, and it falls near the end of your bed, out of sight behind the pile of textbooks you haven’t touched for the past three days.

“Hold on, what are you talking about? We made so much progress. You wanted to do this,” Jaemin protests, following after you and picking up the discarded garments you threw haphazardly. He waves around the skirt like a white flag. “You wanted to be in the popular crowd, and you got it. You’re this close to dating Hyuck. Yeah, he might’ve said no now, but we’ll come up with a new plan—You can bounce back from this! Why are you quitting now?”

Removing the off-the-shoulder pink top that restricts your arm movement, you quickly slip on an oversized sweater before reaching back and unhooking the strapless bra whose underwire has been digging into your ribs for so many hours, a sigh of relief escaping between your teeth. You toss it onto your chair without another care in the world, and it lands next to the shirt in a heap.

“Because this isn’t me. This isn’t what I like.”

“Of course, it is. This is still you: just new and improved,” he insists, frantically attempting to hand you your discarded shirt and pleather skirt. You ignore them, opting to pull out and put on your favorite pair of stretched out gym shorts from middle school that you had shoved in the back of your closet to make room for all the flashy clothing Jaemin picked out for you. “We’re having fun. You’re popular and pretty now. You’re almost dating Donghyuck. You have everything that everyone wants. You’re the girl the boys want to be with, the girl all the other girls want to be.”

You shake your head, reaching for the packet of makeup wipes near your sink. “It’s not what I want.”

Jaemin scoffs, “Don’t be ridiculous. What are you talking about? This is what you asked me to do.”

You throw him a scathing glare, and he takes a step back. “God, Jaemin, for once in your life, take off the stupid rose colored heart shades, and you’ll finally see all the red flags around you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jaemin asks defensively. He thought everything was going according to plan; he’s going to pass macroeconomics, and you got to talk to Donghyuck and are this close to scoring a date with him. People notice you wherever you go, the two of you receive compliments, his friends like you, everyone likes you.

“I have to pretend to like things I hate and hate the things I like. I have to do things a certain way, act a certain way, pretend this is all effortless. I don’t know if people are being genuine or pretending like I am. I hate this—this fake version of me.” You spit the words out like fuel to a fire, and you stand there in all your blazing glory, ugly uniform shorts and all.

“My thighs keep chafing. My feet have blisters everyday from these boots. This foundation makes me break out even more, and I can’t type up my notes in class or write fast enough because of these nails, and my grades almost took a plunge. I’m basically freezing my tits off out there in a shirt I don’t like. The lashes make my eyes itch, and this skirt is so short that I have to keep pulling it down every five seconds before I end up flashing someone.”

You don’t recognize the girl in your mirror anymore. You pluck off the falsies lining your eyes, scrubbing furiously at the layers of expensive brand name makeup covering your skin.  You wipe off every inch of it until your bare face stares back at you, slightly puffy, blemishes, faded acne scars and all. You feel like you can breathe a little better now.

“Did you really think it’s easy being one of us? Do you think people will notice you if you show up in sweats with Cheetos stains?” Jaemin stares at you incredulously. “This is how it is. I don’t get why you’re throwing it all away like this.”

“And yet, you were all for it when I threw away everything before.”

“Because you asked for it! You asked me to—to make you into someone Donghyuck would date!”

“You don’t get it.” You whirl around on your heels to face him instead of the mirror, and the anger and intensity laced in your voice nearly blows him away. “I like myself the way I am. I never hated myself. I may be insecure about how I look sometimes, but who isn’t? Yeah, I like wearing cherry lip gloss and mascara sometimes. It’s fun trying out new hairstyles and clothes and learning to do better makeup. I like getting dressed up for special occasions. I like doing these things on my own terms. But this? What I’m doing to myself right now? This isn’t the same. Am I supposed to keep up this charade for the rest of my life? If I do eventually go out with Donghyuck, am I gonna have to keep lying to him? To everyone? I want people to like me for me. To actually know me.”

“If this is how you feel, then why would you keep doing this?! If you hate it so much, then why?” He’s frustrated, carding his fingers through his hair as he can’t wrap his mind around the fact that you’re angry over this. You look gorgeous, so what’s the problem?

“Because I liked spending time with you!” you burst out, “I never liked Donghyuck—I liked you. I wanted it to be you. It was fun at first, I did like it at first, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not. I can’t be friends with someone who’s ashamed of me.”

There’s a jolt in his heart when he hears your confession, but the second jolt comes quickly afterwards at your last words. Denial is the first stage of grief, and he pales at your final declaration. “What are you talking about? This whole thing is so that Dongh—”

“Oh, please. You can drop the act. This isn’t about Donghyuck anymore. This is about you being too embarrassed to be seen with someone who doesn’t fit your aesthetics.” You air quote the last word for emphasis, and his jaw tightens at that. “You’d rather drop dead than go out with a four like me, right?” You smile sardonically at him. “I may be a four on a seafood diet, but my ears work perfectly fine, Jaemin.”

You heard it all, and Jaemin feels like he is going to throw up. All he can do is scramble and grasp for the last remaining straws, protesting vehemently, “I wasn’t the one who said any of that!”

You laugh humorlessly, “Is that supposed to make it better? You’re better than them because you didn’t say it out loud? You didn’t deny it or defend me either, so what’s your point? 

His mouth goes dry, and he opens and shuts it several times. Swallowing harshly, he barely manages to croak out a weak reply. “That’s— I didn’t mean—I only really thought that before I knew you.”

“And that’s just it, isn’t it? You already judged me before you even knew me based on how I look. Even now, you still judge me.” He starts to open his mouth again, but you merely shrug as if you’ve accepted this for all your life, and he closes it meekly, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably, unable to meet your eyes

“That’s okay. I’m used to it. That’s how it is for people like me. I know I’m not someone people fall head over heels for immediately. I’m the one who reaches out to people first. Guys don’t fall over at my feet, wanting to carry my books to class for me. The pretty girls ask me to take their Insta pictures for them. I don’t get free drinks at the bar or invited to all the parties. I’ve never been asked out by a total stranger, and no one writes their number on my cup of coffee,” you say matter-of-factly, a resigned smile on your face, and it has him curling into himself internally, his conscience slowly eating away at him.

“And you know what?” you continue, “That's life. That’s okay because I’m happy with who I am. I like who I am. If I have to give myself up to get Donghyuck or you to like me, then he’s—you—are not the one. I shouldn’t change who I am for a boy—or anyone for that matter.”

“That’s not—We were doing this for you. You wanted… you wanted this makeover. You wanted this.” He’s desperately clutching onto the end of the rope, and you’re holding the scissors to cut it off. You show him another half smile, one that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“It stopped being about me. It started being about what you wanted, what you liked, what you wanted me to be. I was your charity case, your little Barbie doll.”

You tilt your head to the side, studying the boy in front of you and he silently squirms under your scrutiny. “Tell me one thing, and be honest. Did you even know I existed before Donghyuck mentioned me as a tutoring option? Before you needed me for a grade booster? Would you have liked me then?”

Would you have liked me then? Your question echoes in his mind, and Jaemin freezes, dropping the clothes in his hands. You know. You know he likes you, and the embarrassment creeps up on him in the form of carmine dusting his ears and cheeks, like spilled wine on white linen.

“There are over one hundred students in the class,” he objects. “Sorry for not fighting my way through all of them to find you and have a crush on you sooner.”

Jaemin seems to not realize that he just confirmed his feelings for you aloud, and perhaps, if he had told you this a few weeks ago, you would have been ecstatic and called up Lana and Moon the second he was out of earshot. But this is now, and you’ve grown exponentially since then.

You give him a wistful smile, and as the dread piles up in the pit of his stomach, he knows this is the start of his downfall (or perhaps, he’s already been falling this entire time). He slipped from the pedestal already long ago, and it’s only a matter of time before he hits rock bottom. The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall from grace.

“I sat in front of you diagonally. You asked me to pass notes to my friend. You know, the girl who sat next to me? Alice? The one you asked out and went on a few dates with at the beginning of the semester?” You state the facts calmly, and his eyes widen at that. “It’s okay. But you must’ve remembered that we were in the same group for a presentation last semester, right?”

Jaemin stays silent, and you have your answer. It’s one you’ve known deep down in your heart all this time, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less. After all, someone can announce they’re going to punch you, you can even see the strike coming to your gut, but simply knowing doesn’t do anything to ease the painful aftermath.

You chuckle humorlessly, fingers uncurling and recurling into fists as your nails press moon shaped crescents into your palms before you look him straight in the eyes. “I don’t fit into your cookie cutter life or match your rose colored Instagram filters. I don’t have the perfect model figure or the perfect face. I don’t look like the girl of your dreams, and I know that it just fucking kills you inside that you fell in love with me.”

Jaemin flinches, curling in on himself when he finally meets your gaze and finally sees the absolute hell fires of fury and repugnance ablaze in your eyes. You know that he loves you, and he’s ashamed that you’re right. You’re absolutely right.

Why is he so afraid of loving you?

He loves how smart you are, how witty you are, how funny you are, how genuine you are, how you understand every obscure Haikyuu!! reference he makes, how you laugh at his jokes, how you dm him the funniest memes on Instagram, how you wear your purple scrunchie around your wrist during every exam for good luck and how you let him borrow it too. He loves how you treat him as more than just a pretty face, how you actually listen to him and make him feel like what he says matters, how you make him feel different—special—like he doesn’t have to compete with all the other Barbies and Kens out there. He’s much too vain, much too superficial, much too selfish, much too proud to admit it out loud, but he’s in love with you, and yet, he can’t bring himself to love every single part of you.

And the truth of that matter is the ugliest of all.

But there are standards that he has to uphold, why can’t you understand this? He lowered his standards for you, and you still couldn’t meet them. You have the personality already, you are this close to being the ideal girl, and well, you both have to make changes. It’s the prince and princess who live happily ever after, not the prince and the pauper, or god forbid, the ogre (No offense, Shrek). This is real life, and society has unspoken rules. He sacrificed so much for you, he put his reputation on the line, so why couldn’t you do this for him? After all, love always has some sacrifices.

Right?

But when Jaemin looks at you now, there’s everything, but love staring back at him. You look at him like he’s a repulsive piece of chewed gum stubbornly stuck to the bottom of your Steve Madden heel. It strikes a nerve and completely eats him to the core, but he pulls himself upright because nobody talks to him like that, nobody looks at him like that, certainly not someone like you. He invented you, he made you into the next Princess Mia, the next Cady Heron, the next Serena van der Woodsen, and this is how you show your gratitude?

“Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me. You act like I’m the first person to judge first based on looks. Everyone does it. Am I supposed to strike up a conversation with every girl on the off chance she’s everything I want? Do you think anyone would fall for you immediately when you looked like that?  The saying is ‘love at first sight’, unless you’re one to believe in the whole ‘love is blind’ idea, which you clearly do,” Jaemin snaps, sneering as he eyes you up and down. His heart and mind are screaming, crying, begging for him to stop, but his pride dropkicks him headfirst into the hole he dug for himself, raging for him to get the upper hand again.

“How is it my fault for not knowing you’re the whole package when the wrapping doesn’t match the contents?”

The unfiltered words slip out of his mouth, and he immediately regrets it, closing his eyes, but it’s too late. He sees the instant look of devastation that appears on your face, and it hits him like a boxer’s punch to the chest. He starts to backtrack to no avail. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

“I am never going to be enough for you, am I?” you whisper, your breaths stuttering in your chest as your initial sarcasm turns into quiet truths now that eat away at him. “I’m either too much or too little. There’s always going to be something you’ll want to change, something you want to fix.”

“Y/N… I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. It was an accident. I just—”

Jaemin can’t continue on, his voice trailing off as he doesn’t know what to say. He wants to keep apologizing, he’ll do anything it takes to take back what he just said, but the damage has already been dealt. He’s always known he’s an asshole, sure, but this is beyond anything he’s ever said or done in the past. He just secured the seat of honor in Dante's ninth circle of hell, and there’s no return ticket.

“You just what? You thought it would be okay to say anything to my face just because it’s not up to your standards?”

Jaemin’s face pales. “N-no, I—this isn’t how it's supposed to go, I just—It just slipped out, can we start over?” 

A public rejection from any boy or girl would hurt infinitely less than the words Jaemin spat in your face. The things that his friends said before within earshot? You could take it because you couldn’t care less about them at the end of the day. But this? This was coming from someone you trusted, someone you care about, someone you lov—No, you don’t even want to think about that.

Jaemin never loved you. He never even liked you. The harsh reality slaps you like a cold shower in the middle of a winter night, and you want to curl up into a ball under your covers and cry until you fall asleep.

And yet, you will not let him humiliate you any longer. The spell has been broken. Cinderella is back to her rags, and her Prince Charming is nowhere to be found. She’s stuck as a toad that’ll never change. Eyes watering, you inhale sharply, laughing quietly in disbelief before you straighten up and your face hardens.

“Are you actually listening to yourself? You think we can start over? You treat people like they’re disposable, like they’re nothing, and once they don’t match with your theme of the week, you toss them even faster than the time it takes for you to choose an outfit.” Your chest is heaving, and the tears threaten to fall, but you push on, swallowing the lump in your throat. He reaches out for you, and you take a step back, shaking your head.

“You can’t hurt people and expect them to just let it go. I get it, I know I’m not the thinnest, or the nicest, or the funniest, or the smartest, or the prettiest. I know that I’m hard to love. I get it, Jaemin. I’ve always known that.”

You choke on the last sentence, swallowing hard to stifle the hiccup that bubbles up in your throat. “But that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like shit.”

Rapidly blinking back your tears, you march over to your door and throw it open with such force that the doorknob could have left a dent in the wall. You don’t want to cry, you’ve always been an angry crier, and you desperately want the tears to stop. You refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry and hearing your confession. He doesn’t deserve any of that. Jaemin doesn’t deserve your tears, and he certainly doesn’t deserve your love.

“Get out.”

Jaemin stares at you, mouth agape like a fish on land. You gesture heatedly towards the outside, choking slightly. “What are you waiting for? I said get out.”

“Y/N, I—”

“Am I a joke to you?” you quietly ask, and his eyes widen.

“No! No, Y/N, you’re not, I jus—”

A single tear manages to escape despite your best, frustrated efforts, and Jaemin instinctively reaches out for you. You swat his hand away, angrily swiping away the stray droplet with the sleeve of your sweater. His heart wrenches in his chest as his hand dangles limply by his side. You’re crying because of him. He caused that, and he feels like the biggest piece of shit in the world.

You refuse to let any more fall, glaring at him through the unshed tears and entirely disgusted with the boy standing in front of you. “Don’t touch me. I’m not crying for you. I’m crying because I’m so angry I wasted all my time on someone who never cared about me.”

That’s not true—I love you, he wants to say, but his mouth refuses to form the words because his pride won’t loosen its grip on his heart. He loves you, he’s in love with you, why can’t you see that?

You steel yourself, taking one shaky breath before looking pointedly at the door and repeating yourself, “Get out. Leave me alone.”

Numbly, he makes his way over to the door, ears ringing. You glower at him, the intensity searing and digging into the side of his face. When he stands outside of your dorm, he struggles to turn around and face you helplessly. Your eyes soften for a moment, and it shoves the dagger deeper into his chest when he recognizes that look. It’s the same look he wore when he first saw you, and the shame that emerges nearly chokes him. The mixture of pity and disappointment painted across your face revolts him entirely, and he feels like he’s going to vomit. Jaemin is utterly humiliated.

Your gaze intensifies once more when you stand up to your full height, stare unwavering and chin raised up. Gripping the doorframe tightly, you drive the final words into his heart like a stake.

“I am too good for you, Jaemin, and I will never love someone like you. I deserve better.”

And for a split second, you almost convinced yourself when you said that.

You shut the door in his face.

Jaemin calls your name through the door several times, desperation ringing clear in his tone, but it falls on deaf ears. Apologies are a fool’s best friend, and you’d be a fool yourself to believe them. Holding your breath, you wait until you hear his footsteps echo down the hallway, until the solitude greets you like an old friend. And at last, you drop the facade and let yourself cry. Back pressed against the door and head bowed, you finally let go until all the tears are gone and you’re gasping for breath, the quiet hiccups and sobs bursting forth and breaking the silence in the same way he broke your heart over and over again.

You love him.

There’s no one to blame, but yourself. In the end, it’s all your fault that you were in this mess. How can you be so stupid? You can put lipstick on a pig, but it would still be a pig. Built up insecurities will bubble up to the surface no matter how much mascara and blush you apply. The warning signs were all there in flashing technicolor, but they were all tied up with shiny ribbons and deceiving perfect smiles. They lit up your usual drab life of blacks, whites, and grays, and you were blinded by the glitz and glamor— blinded by him. It is hard to see the red flags and stop signs through the rose colored Instagram filters. You trusted him and gave him your heart when you should’ve known it’d end like this. 

You got greedy and tried to steal the spotlight, and you received it, front and center. You are the joke. You are the punchline, the comedic relief, the center stage of a slapstick comedy show. This is what you get for going off script.

Because you love him.

You were supposed to continue to delude yourself into thinking that you don’t want to find love, that you enjoy being on your own, that you enjoy being single, that you are perfectly content with never experiencing romance instead of facing the cold harsh reality head on: no one sees you as desirable or dateable. And when your friends tell you that you’re not missing out on anything with dating, you were supposed to nod and agree, when secretly, you desperately wish you can experience that for yourself instead of living vicariously through your friends’ love lives or the 3 a.m. scrollings through cheesy romance fanfiction on Tumblr. You’re been fine all these years, haven’t you? You were doing so well living on your own.

But you love him.

It’ll come when you least expect it, that’s what they tell you every time, but what are you to do when you can’t help but expect it your whole life? What are you to do when you so desperately want to know what it feels like to be loved in that way? God, when is it going to be your turn? When is it your turn to daydream about someone and know that they’re daydreaming about you too? When is it your turn to have someone walk you home? When is it your turn to hold hands with someone? When is it your turn to feel the giddy butterflies and experience a good night kiss? When is it your turn to be kissed in the rain? When is it your turn to experience the romance you can only dream about?

How much longer will you have to be patient? How much longer do you have to wait, living in denial over the soul crushing reality of it all? How many more stars do you need to wish upon until you learn to accept the painstaking truth? You weren’t meant to be loved in this lifetime.

God, you love him.

It’s embarrassing when it shouldn’t be. You just want to be touched by hands that care, loved by a heart that beats for you, desired by someone who thinks you are enough. It’s the way you would give up ten years of your life in a heartbeat to experience being the prettiest girl in the room just once and have people look at you. The overwhelming shame washes over you when you never had your first kiss until now with a boy who never cared about you, never went on a date before, never had a boyfriend before, and you have to lie and say it’s by choice when it’s not. It’s not. You have so much love to give, you have so much space in your life to share, you have so much time to spend with that special someone, but the grains of the hourglass are spent waiting and longing for a stranger who will never come. 

The thought of it all just makes you sick. It makes you sick that you wish so terribly that someone would just look in your direction for once. For once, you want to be looked at in that way like all the female protagonists experience in the movies. And you know your value shouldn’t be based on desire and objectification, you absolutely know it, but it still hurts when you go out with your friends and you’re the one dancing alone or sitting back and watching the purses. You’re the one standing there by yourself, while every single one of your pretty friends is being approached by someone. It still hurts so fucking bad when you try to put yourself out there, but guys have already moved past you or don’t even acknowledge your existence simply because of your face or a number on a scale. And when he came into your life and gave you one measly ounce of attention, you ran with it when you should have run away. It’s absolutely exhausting, leaving you out of breath and on the verge of throwing up, to chase after someone who never even looked at you, to chase after their attention, praying to god that they’ll one day make you feel like you are worth it, that you’ll finally feel some sort of value.

Forget ever being loved, you weren’t even wanted.

There is no such thing as happily ever after’s for the extras. Girls like you don’t get to star in love stories. Why did you ever think it would end differently?

You love him.

And he ruined you. Even worse, you let him.

You wish you never met Na Jaemin.

x. i can’t go out tonight. *fake coughs* i’m sick.

You would like to give a formal apology to Bella Swan for not understanding why she was so depressed over Edward leaving her for six months and making fun of her. In your defense, you were like nine years old when the movie came out, and you were more interested in Barbies back then (Plus, you were Team Jacob because you wanted a pet dog at the time).

You didn’t even go through a break up, but it sure as hell feels like one.

You probably would continue to wallow in your misery for weeks, clutching onto the only two men you could ever trust in your entire life: Ben and Jerry’s while watching every iconic 90s and early 2000s rom-coms on repeat if it weren’t for your best friends. But enough is enough, and you get that you shouldn’t be spending weeks crying over a boy who hasn’t even spent one second thinking about you. It’s just hard to take that first step back up again when you feel like you tripped and fell all the way down to rock bottom.

And so, you finally let your friends into your shared dorm room, and you definitely do not miss the poorly disguised look of disgust and shock when they see the giant mess on your side of the room (You’re very grateful that Giselle has been staying at her boyfriend’s place for weeks now). It’s an intervention at this point—one that you desperately need, and you know it.

“Okay, give it to me straight,” you sniffle, still wrapped up in your comforter like a giant burrito and clutching onto the ice cream carton like a lifeline. You know that your friends will just rip it off like a bandage, and you have mentally prepared yourself for it. Your voice comes out wobbly still from the tears, and you hate it. “I know I was stupid for letting a guy walk all over me like that. I know if any of you were in this situation, I’d tell you that you’re better than that and to get over him, but it’s just so hard to do it.”

“He who shall not be named is a scumbag, and I’m gonna kill him the next time I see him,” Lana states, pursing her lips together. “I hope he has a bad hair day every single day because I know he’d be screaming, crying, throwing up if he could never get a perfect selfie ever again.”

You choke back a sob, giving her a watery smile. “That would destroy him.”

“Good. Fuck him. Metaphorically, not literally. Why should you care if you are the girl of his dreams or not? Be the girl of your dreams. You’re gorgeous, smart, and funny and he’s just some guy who still doesn’t know how to use the correct ‘your’ in an Instagram caption.”

You can write down a thousand and one reasons why he was the most horrendous, most awful, most vile person to ever grace your life. But at the end of the day, why does it matter? What good would it do? You still love him, and that’s the worst pill to swallow.

“I just—I’m having a hard time believing that.”

“Y/N, if you believed that Jaemin wasn’t a shitbag for the past four weeks and all the time before that in his life, then you can believe in yourself right now for two minutes and listen to me,” Lana says firmly, clutching onto your shoulders and forcing you to look her in the eye as she continues on, “Remember the Barbie movie? He’s just Ken. Ken doesn’t have a good day unless Barbie looks at him.”

“Yeah, like channel your inner Gina Linetti. Listen to Chelsea Peretti. ‘Men used to hunt.’ What’s Jaemin doing? He’s pushing twenty and doing aegyo on camera,” Moon chimes in, and Lana nods furiously in agreement before elbowing Yangyang in his rib not-so-subtly. “Contribute to the conversation, Yang.”

“Hold on, I’m thinking,” Yangyang says, pausing in the middle of your room and placing his hands on his hips.

“Oh congrats, I didn’t know you could do that. But stop because you’re not good at it at all,” Moon says, completely ignoring the dirty look he throws at her immediately. The little exchange brings a small smile to your face and it feels nice to laugh. You’ve forgotten how to do that. You miss your friends. You’re grateful for them for not giving up on you when you already have.

“Come on, let’s go see ‘Crazy Rich Asians.’ It’ll be fun. We can watch Lana fangirl over seeing her favorite actor,” Moon encourages you, and Yangyang nods in agreement. “Yeah, she picked a better man after the Jaehyun fiasco.”

“Oh my god, let it go. I didn’t like him that much,” Lana huffs softly, grabbing one of your spare pillows and launching it square into his face in retaliation, and he lets out out a high pitched shriek that makes you giggle.

“Weren’t you gonna go see it with your best friend, Yang?” You ask, glancing over at him and he shakes his head, a slightly sour expression on his face. “Nah, she’s going with Dejun already.”

“So unfortunately, we’re stuck with him now,” Moon says solemnly as Yangyang immediately throws her a dirty look. The look on his face makes you laugh, and it makes you feel a little better and your heart a little lighter.

You shouldn’t have to beg someone to love you; the right person will never make you beg. The right person would never chip away at you, erasing different parts of you, until you fit their picture perfect mold, until there’s nothing left of you. You would never have to call your friends at 4 am, drunk and crying for their validation, praying to whatever higher being is up there for them to take you back. Your friends have never looked at the scars and freckles dotting your skin and suddenly deemed you as unlovable. Your best friend wouldn’t call you fat and point out every single one of your insecurities. You are not unlovable because you decided to eat a third taco or decided to not wear makeup today or didn’t shave your legs. You may fight with your parents and siblings, but never once have you felt unloved by them. Never once did you have to get on your knees and plead for them to love you back.

You know you are worthy of love because your friends and family make it look so easy. They have shown you what love is really like time and time again. You’ve been a shitty friend these past few months, prioritizing a boy over the ones who really matter. They’ve been so patient with you this entire time, and with an open heart, you realize that it is time you finally start properly loving them and yourself too.

You are loved.

xi. that’s so not fetch!

Jaemin slinks out of the lecture hall, noting the dirty looks your friends have sent him from the other side of the room. He’s been standing outside of the classroom before the session starts for the past few weeks in hopes of catching you, looking like a complete creep (and definitely feeling like one).  But what’s he to do when you wouldn’t return any of his texts or calls? It’s humiliating, and he feels smaller than an ant under a microscope.

He pretends to leave class early, staking out in the bathroom across from the classroom. Counting down the minutes, he sees the first wave of students pouring out from the classrooms and finally spots you. His heart jumps to his throat, and his hands begin to grow clammy.

You’re back to wearing your loose jeans and basic t-shirts, your favorite purple scrunchie wrapped around your wrist and an old Jansport backpack slung over your shoulder, decorated with pins of all those familiar characters from his favorite anime. Your face is bare, aside from tinted lip balm, and you’re smiling. You’re laughing at something your friend next to you says, and with a sinking heart, Jaemin realizes that perhaps maybe you are pretty in the slightest way.

He finds himself taking one step towards you, then another, maneuvering around the other students rushing to leave. He’s getting closer and closer, if he called out your name, you would hear him. But you wouldn’t stop for him this time. He knows that.

Jaemin is getting closer, just a few more steps until he can just stretch his hand out and tap your shoulder, and his heart is pounding so hard in his chest until a pretty manicured hand grabs his upper arm lightly.

“Jaemin? What are you doing here?” 

He pauses, turning around and seeing Somi staring back at him in surprise as she continues, “I thought you don’t have any classes at this time.”

“Yeah, I—” he hesitates, glancing over at your retreating figure and Somi follows his gaze, her eyes softening as she lets go of his arm.

“Oh, were you waiting for her? Sorry about that,” she apologizes, pulling away and he shakes his head, shrinking back. Maybe it was for the better that you got away. It’s probably a sign from the universe telling him to let it go.

“No, it’s okay. She doesn’t want to talk to me anyway,” Jaemin admits at last, starting to slink off, and Somi furrows her eyebrows, a puzzled expression gracing her face as she hurries slightly to catch up with him, matching his pace. He exits the building, crushing the graded economics midterm with a red 89 circled at the top in his fist and shoving it haphazardly into the side pocket of his backpack usually reserved for his water bottle.

“What are you talking about? The two of you are practically glued at the hip. She adores you,” she laughs softly, tilting her head slightly as she glances over at him. He ignores her look, continuing on his way off of campus and towards his safe haven: a small dog friendly boba shop snug in between a bookstore and a 24 hour laundromat he frequents more often than he likes to admit.

 “I honestly thought you’d ask her out at some point.”

Jaemin winces at that, her light response rubbing salt into his open wounds, stitches torn and bleeding, and he spits out the next words defensively, his pride rearing its ugly head again. “No way. I never liked her like that. She’s not my type at all. Have you seen her?”

“What is wrong with you?” Somi frowns at him, stopping in her tracks, and he halts, unable to look at her and throwing out a dismissive “What?” In her direction.

“Why are you talking about her like that? I thought you liked her,” she answers, staring at him in disbelief, and he curls his fingers into fists, gripping tightly as a multitude of conflicting emotions war inside of him. He starts to walk again, barely glancing over at Somi.

“She was just my tutor. I passed my midterm, so I don’t need to be around her anymore.” He responds weakly, uncurling and recurling his fingers into fists as he desperately tries to stay calm.

It was so much easier to pretend around his other friends. Aside from Jeno, they always took his words at face value, never one to pry. And Jeno would never push him, knowing that he would eventually come to him at his own pace. But Somi? He’s forgotten about how she can be after she’s been so busy with her schedule, missing out from the majority of hang outs for her social work and events, and their class schedules never overlapped. She can spot a lie a mile away. She actually cares. In a way, she reminds him of you, and he can’t bear to meet her gaze anymore.

“She’s your friend,” Somi retorts, following him into the boba shop, briefly stopping to pet the adorable Samoyed wagging its tail near the entrance. “You spent more time with her than any of us, except maybe Jeno. And you weren’t just studying in the library. I’ve seen her on your finsta and close friend stories.”

“Okay, and now she’s not. She’s not my friend anymore,” Jaemin answers sharply, punching his order into the self service machine. “It happens. People stop being friends. So back off, Somi.”

“Jeez, what is your problem?” she snaps back, following him towards the back, settling on a pillow in one of the comfortable nooks converted into a small seating area across from him. “I caught you following Y/N, and now you say you’re not friends?”

Jaemin hesitates, fiddling with one of the decorative pillows in his lap. “We got into an argument.”

“Yeah, but friends fight. You can apologize, right?”

Jaemin is silent.

Somi stares at him, and he wants to curl into himself. It’s the very same look you gave him before you shut the door in his face, and he feels the bile in his throat already. Her voice is quiet. “Jaemin, what did you do?”

“I—,” he whispers, breaking off and clenching his fists. He is already replaying that moment in his head, seeing the look of utter devastation on your face, and he wants to run away. The ugly truth is front and center, and he is unable to ignore it any longer.

 “I fucked up, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” Jaemin bursts out, burying his face in his hands and unable to face his friend. He closes his eyes, sucking in a deep breath. “I said some shitty things to her, some really fucked up stuff.”

“Like fucked up as in messy drunk thoughts or fucked up, fucked up?” Somi says softly, hesitantly, as if she doesn’t want to believe her friend is the worst of the worst. Jaemin’s heart sinks even lower than rock bottom as he continues to hang his head low.

“I…” Jaemin’s voice is less than a whisper as he finally confesses the horrible truth to someone for the first time. His voice cracks as he recalls every single disgusting thing and insecurity he flung back into your face.

“I said that it would be stupid for her to believe in love at first sight, that she wasn’t up to my standards, that it’s her fault, that I was ashamed of her, ashamed that I even liked her because of the way she looked.”

The silence is deafening, and Jaemin feels the same wave of humiliation wash over him as it did on that very night. Somi is speechless, and he can’t bear to look at her, one hundred percent knowing that there would be a raw look of utter disgust and horror on her face because that is the exact way he would look at himself. He sits there in silence as the guilt and shame pile up even higher; he is past the point of wallowing in self pity, already drowning and gasping for breath.

“Jaemin… she was your friend,” she murmurs, gazing at him, mouth agape as the shock finally settles in, and he flinches slightly at the past tense. “She actually cared about you. She made you happy.”

“I know,” he says softly.

“She was the best thing that ever happened to you.” Somi continues quietly.

Jaemin sucks in a sharp breath, biting his bottom lip. “I know.”

“Then why?”

Because I was stupid, he thinks silently, Because I am a coward. Because she embarrassed me. She made me feel small. She made me feel insignificant. She made me look at myself in the mirror, and for the first time in my life, I absolutely hated what I saw staring back at me.

“I don’t know,” Jaemin whispers, staring down at his lap in resignation and unable to swallow the truth.

He knows.

xii. you can’t sit with us.

You continue to avoid Jaemin in Macroeconomics, choosing to slip into class at the very last minute. You see him waiting in front of the classroom every session for the past three weeks, searching for you, but you opt to go to the professor’s office hours every time before class and end up walking with her to class as she answers your questions about the assigned readings and problems. Alice saves you a seat in the front row, and you never told her but you’re grateful when you realize she must have asked her other friends to sit around the two of you, effectively barricading Jaemin from any attempt at sitting next to you. Finals week comes and goes with  the winter break following suit, and you think he has finally given up on any attempt at reaching you.

But life has an unfortunate penchant for bringing up things—or people—you wish to forget when you least expect it. It was supposed to be an ordinary Thursday four weeks into the spring semester, and you’re exiting your last class of the day, tucking your laptop into the cute tote bag you bought from the New York Strands bookstore as you walk across campus.

“Y/N.” Jaemin appears in front of you, and suddenly, all the air in your lungs seem to have been sucked out. It’s almost embarrassing how two months of self progress can be toppled over as easily as a house of cards. Your brain says to hate him, but one glance at him still has you weak in the knees. You take a deep breath, counting to three before walking around and ignoring him entirely.

“Please, can we just talk for five minutes? I’m sorry.” He desperately reaches out for you, and you can see some people starting to take note of the two of you, their gazes on your back.

“Leave me alone, Jaemin.” You continue to walk away, hiking up the strap of your bag higher over your shoulder, desperately trying to quell the stupid colony of butterflies in your stomach that have laid dormant for so long. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Please, just five minutes—three minutes—and I’ll leave you alone forever. Listen to me,” he says in a quiet tone. It was an order, a request, and a plea all at once.

You pause, scrutinizing him for a few moments before grabbing his arm and dragging him away from prying eyes. You stop on the secluded side of the building underneath the magnolia trees before dropping his hand. “You have two minutes. Talk.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Good to know you’re self aware. You’re finally experiencing some character growth.”

Jaemin grimaces at your stony expression. “Okay, that was deserved. I truly am sorry, Y/N. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, and I’m an asshole who took advantage of you. You do deserve better. You deserve someone better than me. But I want to be that person. You make me a better person.”

You stay quiet, and Jaemin fidgets around. “Is that… is that okay? I know it’s selfish of me, but—”

“You’re right, that is selfish of you.”

Jaemin falls silent at that, face flushing before he speaks up meekly, “Can’t we start over? Try again?”

In that moment, you truly pity the boy in front of you. The lost expression on his face tells it all as he desperately clutches onto whatever lifeline you’re willing to toss out. But he’s causing you to drown, and you need to cut the cord and put yourself first for once. Maybe you can change him. But you can’t do this to yourself again.

You take a deep breath and pinch yourself, reminding yourself that this is the same boy who broke your heart because it wasn’t pretty enough for him. “There is no trying again. You never tried, and I’m done trying for you. Jaemin, you don’t love me. You’ve never felt that way towards me.”

“Yes, I have! I do! I really do,” he protests, and you shake your head, taking a step back. He starts to take one step forward towards you and hesitates, staying in his original spot. Your gaze is cold, and he finds himself wishing that you would look at him in the way you used to.

“You love the idea of me: the one you built up in your head,” you say, tone growing quiet. “But I’m nothing like her. To some degree, I think I might be the first genuine connection you ever made with a girl. You liked the way I felt about you and how I acted for you. I changed everything about myself for you, I would’ve followed you anywhere, I would’ve done anything for you, and you took advantage of that. You took advantage of the fact that I love you.”

You may not truly know what love is, but you know it’s something he never gave you. It stings, knowing that even after all of this, you still secretly, desperately long for the type of love you know will always be out of your reach. A part of you wants to believe him, but this time, you listen to your mind instead of your heart.

Jaemin’s head shoots up at your confession, eyes widening in belated realization, and you curl your lips inward, biting your lower lip. You love him. You love him, he now knows, and to your surprise, it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Three steps forward and two steps back is still one step in the right direction.

“One day, you’re gonna find someone who’s finally enough for you—someone who’s worth making pancakes for,” you say wistfully, pausing for a minute before gathering the courage to continue.

“And you’re gonna fall in love with them. Like really love them. You’re gonna love them so much that you’ll try your hardest to be enough for them. You’re gonna try so fucking hard to be the one they want, the one they love, that you’ll do anything for them. You’ll even change yourself for better—or for worse.” You grip the strap of your tote bag even tighter, a dull pang in your heart making its appearance, and Jaemin winces, lowering his eyes as the regret and guilt pools into his stomach.

“But sometimes, it won’t be enough. It’s not going to be enough,” you continue, swallowing hard. “And it’ll never be enough for them. You’re willing to move heaven and earth for them, but they won’t notice. Or maybe they don’t even care. No matter how hard you try to love them, it won’t matter unless they want you. Unless they choose you.  And it’ll hurt like hell. It’ll hurt every single time you see them, every time you hear them, every time you think of them.”

Your voice softens, shaking slightly as you take in a wavering breath before pushing forward. “And when it hurts, you’re going to think of me. You’re going to remember me because that’s when you’ll understand what it feels like. That’s when you’ll know how I felt. How it feels to not be enough. How it feels to have your heart ripped to shreds by someone you care about—someone you love.”

His heart drops, and you give him a wistful smile before it quickly disappears, and your expression schools into one of indifference. You continue to walk forward confidently, brushing past his frozen figure. You see your friends waiting for you on the other side of the lawn, and you look over your shoulder at Jaemin one last time, taking a deep breath and steeling yourself.

“And you know what? I hope to fucking god it hurts you as much as you hurt me.”

The world continues to spin, you keep moving forward, and he remains rooted in his spot, unable to look away from you. There are so many Barbies and Kens out there, so many more Na Jaemins who will come into your life and sweep you off your feet, and you’ll make them feel special and more than a pretty face, he belatedly realizes, he’s disposable and so easily replaceable, but there’s only ever going to be one you. 

As he watches you walk away, Jaemin thinks he is starting to understand.

EPILOGUE.

Life likes to play cruel jokes, and the senior year gives you the most hilarious one of all in the form of your final capstone project. Last you heard about Jaemin, he had switched his major to pre med (which was ironic to you since that field would require him to care about other people, which he clearly proved to be incapable of). However, your university decided to implement a cross collaboration between the various schools, and it’s just your luck that you find yourself paired up with Jaemin. Giving him a tight smile as you take a seat across from him in the library room he reserved, you take out your laptop.

Jaemin had asked earlier if you wanted to request a new assigned partner, but you highly doubt any professor would switch up a pairing on account of one person being guilty of being the greatest asshole to ever exist (Plus, you’ll come across many guys like him in your field of work, so you might as well start building up your tolerance now).

It is the final time you will meet up with him before the big presentation, and the two of you work together in silence, only breaking it to discuss the project topic. It is neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, settled somewhere in between—kind of like a purgatory for relationships. You’ve stopped thinking about him a while ago already, but seeing someone who once was a part of your life always brings back memories, whether wanted or not.

“I met someone.”

Jaemin breaks the ice, unable to hold it back any longer. He feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn't get this off of his chest. There is a slight pause in your writing before you resume, but he knows you are listening.

“I met her after… after our…” He trails off. He doesn’t know what to call it—what the two of you had. An almost relationship. “… After us.”

You continue to write, taking note of several points to be discussed based on your slide. He puts down his pen, clasping his hands together as he fiddles with one of the rings wrapped around his fingers.

“I made her blueberry pancakes.”

You sharply inhale for a brief millisecond before you jot down another bullet point. One, two, three, four, five bullet points until you can breathe normally again. You’re twenty two years old, but you suddenly feel like you’re eighteen again. You sometimes loathed your younger self, but because of her, you learned so many things (Forgiveness is one of them).

“I don’t know what else to do, except keep making her pancakes.” Jaemin sits there idly for a few moments, entirely unaware of your inner turmoil, before he laughs derisively, “She’s in love with my best friend. She never told me, but I can just tell.”

There’s another pause from him. Staring down at his notebook, he swallows hard, the lump in his throat never fully going away. His voice cracks as he whispers out his question:

“Does it ever stop hurting?”

Your pen stops moving across the paper, dropping to the side. There’s a black scribble from where it fell. You still continue to look at the index card, focusing on the college ruled lines until they become a mosaic blur of blue, black, and white.

“Eventually.”

Your tone is impassive, and his head snaps up at your reply. You pick up the pen again. You don’t look at him, but you know he’s staring at you, an unrecognizable expression in his eyes.

Perhaps, it would have been different if you had met the present day him back then instead. Perhaps, it would’ve worked out. Maybe he would have made another girl fall in love with him, broke her heart, and come out unscathed. Or maybe he would still be the same as his past self if he hadn’t met you. It’s the butterfly effect; you don’t know what would have happened, but you don’t care. Not anymore.

By now, you have mourned him for longer than you have loved him.

“Y/N, you were never hard to love. I was bad at loving. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

And this time, you know he truly means it—that Jaemin truly understands. It is good that he has learned and tried to become a better person. You just wish it didn’t have to come at the expense of you.

Your first love teaches you what love isn’t.

The threads holding the pieces of your heart together these past three years have always been so fragile. Just one tug at the heart strings, and everything unravels so easily, like grains of sand slipping through your fingers. You’ve nearly forgotten what heartbreak feels like, the old wounds opening up for a long forgotten friend that you had prayed you would never meet again.

You discover that it hurts even more the second time around.

“I wish I fell in love with you back then.”

His tone is forlorn, a silent resolution wrapped in happenstance. You continue to write down more notes for your part of the presentation, the soft scritches of your pen against paper almost masking your quiet response, and Jaemin nearly misses it.

“So did I.”