#nbd. i'm gonna die but it's fine.

[ghostzzy]

work 9-1

therapy 1-2

groceries 2-3

school 3-4

after that: packing the kitchen & coordinating moving out logistics

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 54 (The Game Tried to Take MY SON!)

cw: toddler peril. I learned a lesson about playing with unpatched mods but I played up a bit of drama despite not accepting what happened as canon. Only shot of Ash is above because more felt gratuitous for something that technically never happened because I reversed it.

The quiet house unnerved him. Conrad knew something wasn't right. He texted Heather, and in less than a minute his phone rang. "I'm sorry I didn't text," she sobbed through the phone. "Ash's daycare called and I...I...I'm at the hospital with him now. Doctors have him sedated."

"What happened?!"

"It was daycare," she repeated. "They said he was on the slide but then they looked away and...and they thought..." She broke down, and Conrad felt her pain through the line. Her fear shook the phone in his grasp.

"It'll be okay. I'm on my way there."

He embraced her when he walked through the door to St. Sims Hospital, and she fell into his arms. "He'll be okay," he assured her, but he didn't know any better.

"How did this happen?" she cried. "What kind of mother lets her son-"

"Stop. This isn't on you."

"If I didn't work so much, I could have been home with him. Maybe I could have..."

He pulled her close, feeling every tense muscle in her rigid body. "This isn't on you," he repeated. "And we're not gonna lose him. We'll all get through this together. We're a team, remember? That means Ash, too."

She was quiet. "Conrad... Do you believe in curses?"

"Like witches?"

She frowned as her thoughts pounded against her skull. "I don't know. Maybe. Maybe mermaids? But Mortimer Goth told me a story once about cursed Landgraabs, and I know how it sounds. But when Ash came along I thought about it a lot more than I should, and then I had to give him their last name. After tonight, I feel sick to my stomach. What if I cursed my son by giving him Malcolm Landgraab for a father?"

"There's no way Ash is cursed," he said quickly. "I know you're scared for him, but curses aren't real and Ash is one of the luckiest kids in the world. He'll get a Landgraab trust fund and he's got you for a mom."

She managed a smile, but when the doctor emerged from the pediatric care unit, she raced over to hear word of her son. "How is he? Oh, Watcher, please let him be okay..."

Dr. Serra smiled. "He hit his head pretty hard, but other than a headache for a few days, we think he's going to be fine. We want to keep him overnight for observation, but he's awake and he's asking for you."

Heather's whole body breathed with relief as she embraced her son's doctor. "Thank you!" she sobbed. "Thank you so much!"

Behind her, Conrad felt his muscles loosen. He'd been so focused on Heather, he didn't even notice his own fear at the thought of Ash in peril. "Thank you, Doctor. We're so grateful."

Dr. Serra smiled. "You must be Conrad. Ash asked for you, too."

Ash would recover quickly, but Heather wasn't so sure about herself. Even with Conrad's unflinching support, she felt torn apart by guilt over her son's near-fatal accident while she'd been working.

She was always working, trying so hard to earn enough to buy out her clinic from Ash's other family. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

WCIF St. Sims Hospital? Sims 4 Gallery build by @pihe89/pihe89. Stunning build, simply put, and very popular (so many copycats). And it comes with a science lab and alien wormhole nbd. Two floors, so many varieties for rooms. Why would I build when people are this talented? It's in a second save and I'll use it again for babies, but hopefully we're not back here for any tragedies anytime soon.

How did this happen?!? Needless to say, Heather's guilt is also mine. I had too many mods and tested fate playing before updating them all! I played some Ultimate Decades Challenge generations and still have the Children and Toddlers Can Die mod installed (I like having options, I guess?), which only kills toddlers with hunger if I'm not mistaken. I was also having some mod issues after the Lovestruck update and didn't realize it until this happened, but the toddler needs bars stayed in the green while their needs deteriorated and I didn't know. Only the toddlers!

So I followed Conrad to work and when he came home Ash was gone and Heather had the 'lost a child' grief moodlet. Cue my internal scream! I revived him instantly with MCCC because this is not UDC and I have plans for this kid! I was so shocked I didn't take any screenshots of the whole disastrous event, but I couldn't pretend it absolutely didn't happen. And honestly the accident ties in with Heather's nagging fears the curse could be real, which is the one unintended benefit of this whole thing.

[convexicalcrow]

Does Scar also have a possession kink? I read your 'Old Habits' and just... Im thinking they both are whores for it. lol

I mean... yes and no. They are both whores for it but for different reasons. They get different things out of it. Yes, because possession is the vehicle by which they become full Vexes and access their powers. Scar wouldn't be so possessive of his Vex head if he wasn't into it. But there's more to it than that.

To me, what makes me say Cub has a possession kink is that for him, it's all about the lack of power, the giving up of control to a higher being or authority. It's about willingly giving your body to Something Else to use as It sees fit. (Or unwillingly, as was the case with the skulk.) It's like being in a 24/7 total power exchange/TPE relationship, to borrow some BDSM language. Cub's not in charge, because he doesn't want to be; he just does what he's told, and he's fine with that.

And ofc Scar does have that to a certain extent, because he does place the Vex as a higher authority. He still has his Vex head that he's so possessive about, he has the giant Vex head in Scarland, the Evoker in Main Street, he won't kill Vexes beause he's Not Allowed To, it's there. He's willing to serve and embrace the Vex and give them a presence in Scarland.

But to me, this isn't about Scar giving himself over to the Vex in the way Cub does. To me, this is a show of power. It's signposting what he is, what power he has access to, who he is. Scar is a Vex, and you can't go to Scarland without being able to see that. It's a threat, and a reminder, that the ConVex never went away. ConCorp didn't die at the end of s6 with Scar on his diamond throne. That lore never ended. It wasn't like wizard Scar or tycoon Scar or Elf Scar or any of the other various characters Scar has played over the years. They come and go, but Vex Scar is forever.

Contrast that with how Cub leans into it, but he isn't building Vex shrines in his base, he's not having Evokers everywhere, it's not something he shows off, because that's not who Cub is. With Cub, you don't know what's hit you until it's too late. You never see it coming. Things seem normal... until they really aren't, and you can't remember how we got here, but that's what's happened.

Like, when the crossover happened, Cub hid one (1) skulk catalyst under the sheep/cow/animal farm at the Hermit base on the first day for shits and giggles, and that seemed fine. Talked about building a cake empire. Sure, why not? Built a house out of blocks from every empire, which was a nice touch. Becomes a monster slayer bc why not and also cool giant battle axe. And then all of a sudden, ya boi decides to go into a swamp and get his ass possessed, and starts pranking hard for a couple of weeks before finally getting cured and escaping back through the rift. Like. LIKE. IT WAS LIKE FIVE WEEKS. ALL OF THAT HAPPENED IN LIKE FIVE WEEKS. There's no way we could have predicted ANY OF THAT given where we started. Especially given it was his idea. Just go to another server and get posssessed for Lore Reasons nbd. Lore that Shubble also took on as well later on in her series when she got skulk possessed while Supreme was around. Lore that Cub still leans into even now, which makes me see him as serving both the Vex and skulk, since he hasn't just left the skulk lore behind either. It's left residue that he isn't interested in dropping.

(as an aside, I find it SO INTERESTING that of all the character lore Cub has, there's nothing for the old man -> young Cub transition. He just entirely changed his default skin bc he wanted to at the start of s8 and left it at that. Which is fine! You do you, Cub. But you better believe I'm gonna fill that lore gap if he won't. XD)

Meanwhile, Scar was hanging out at Tumble Town, and having a lovely time of it which included building trains and Western-style buildings and ponderosa pine trees and not getting possessed by swamp skulk. SEE. IT'S NOT HARD CUB I PROMISE.

So yes, Scar has a possession kink, but it's nothing like Cub's. For Cub, he serves the Vex (and the skulk); for Scar, the Vex serve him.

[phoebehalliwell]

Hear me out tho ... Phoebe/Yen Lo.

wait no you're absolutely cooking.......

1.6k under the cut

okay like an au where yen lo thru his practice of frequently slipping in and out of limbo ended up messing with his magic granting him immortality so as a way to combat that the charmed ones cursed him with a physical empathy so any blows he deals he will feels type deal. we can accelerate phoebe's empathy timeline to really sell that if we want. so yes he can kill someone, but he would go through as close to you could the process of dying, failing to actual die because you're immortal. and yen lo is so unbelievable annoyed by this. he's soooo offended like dude what is your problem. but he's like whatever this is fine this is nbd.

anyway some former student of the zen master's hears that yen lo killed him and is going to avenge his death, so yen lo gets in a fight and aah ouch oof ow!! and he kills the guy and it so terribly fucks him up. and he's like no!!! so he rolls up to the charmed ones like undo this now. and he gets phoebe who's like no no way asshole and he's like you don't understand and phoebe's like don't understand what and either phoebe empaths it or just simply deduces that it's all he knows how to do. clearly the fighters & zen masters have some innate magical quality, like yes they can all levitate which i love as an homage to traditional wuxia movements i literally remember my dad telling me as a kid whenever he would put on his kung fu movies as a selling point he's tell me that in these movies when someone became skilled enough at kung fu, they because able to fly.

ANWAY. yen lo came from a family where he was trained to be an excellent martial artist bc in this world the wirework stunts are not a thing just anyone can achieve through training it has to come with magic / a magical bloodline. so he's born into the warrior family and then what? was passed up? became their flop child? no. so he had to redeem himself in their eyes. so he had to kill the zen master and idk maybe an ling too (something he does not admit but phoebe deduces later) in order to return w honor or continue in exile. and phoebe's like too bad buddy i'm not gonna do that !! so he's like fine i'll just annoy you then. and phoebe's like what no but yep!

just always kind of lingering around with unhelpful commentary and you know he has the water/portal thing idk after phoebe fucks up her job interview or whatever yen lo's in a sprinkler puddle ready to make some dumb zinger when oh no a demon! and he jumps out and saves her by killing the demon so now he's in his mortally wounded phase so phoebe idk gets him to safety maybe using her power (premonition or empathy) and feeling how it works and yen lo's hand she gets him to the manor and just idk leaves him in one of the rooms. and then she's getting a glass of juice or whatever and yen lo just pop's up like you brought me back here. and phoebe's like yeah i mean i could leave the guy with the gaping wound in his chest on the street and yen lo's almost happy for a sec and then phoebe's like i mean, it might looked like i killed you. not to mention you can't die. that's also gonna be a tough one to explain. and yen lo's a lil mad then he's mad that he's mad bc like no that is the obvious answer?? like why else would she? and phoebe's like what were you doing anyway? saving my life? and yen lo's like yeah. who else is gonna undo my curse. and phoebe's like right oh. and yen lo is like well hey now that you owe me a favor..... and phoebe's like no!!!

anyway he still keeps hanging around and he and phoebe become sparring partners because he's like ur form wrong! boo high kick to low! pullback not fast enough! and phoebe's like okay you know what you shut the fuck up! and yen lo's like no >:) if i were to attack you like this and he goes to attack her and phoebe just blocks. and he's like fine but i i were to this. and then she blocks. and then he does like a combo of moves, she blocks and does one swing back. which he dodges. no they're sparring. boom boom boom boom. ooh it looks like phoebe's gonna win. she's got him pinned, she's smiling. but no!! yen leo is back in the game. more sparring boom boom boom boom boom. now yen lo's got her pinned! and she's smirking. through some use of her enviroment (probably the basement) or some use of her powers, it's actually phoebe with the winning move. yen lo realizes this and is like fine. ur high kicks still need to be higher.

so now they're like training together he's teaching her like traditional swordfighting and phoebe's teaching him the more mma style she practices. training montage training montage maybe bc they're so accustomed to how the other fights that they become incredibly good in fights against the demons they face and like. SIDEBAR. when they spar he doesn't feel the blows against phoebe. maybe like the first three total. but in their battle's his curse somehow doesn't seem to be activated. he finally realizes and askes phoebe about it. phoebe shrugs and says because of the wording of the spell, it must only transfer acts of malice. since he's not doing this to hurt her, he doesn't feel it. OKAY. so maybe phoebe usually takes the vanquish bc let's be real it's very difficult to get ur ally home when their organs feel like they've just disintegrated in flames. but there's some battle where oh no sneak attack! and yen lo has to kill the guy rather than let him get phoebe, and phoebe whips around expecting her backup to hit the deck, but no, he seems unaffected, that's weird. (yen lo def knows because he was moving to defend phoebe not attack someone. but like. know he made that move purely out of protection? just a lil too much information you know?)

blah blah blah we're talking about it and we bring up the wrong thing done for the right reasons is still the wrong things (which? do i hate morality bites for this specifically? yes. but the episode eats idc i'm not going to ignore it in canon.) and phoebe gets to talk about her fear that she's not strong enough to not go evil (where's cole in this storyline? maybe she has already accessed dark phoebe. maybe not. who knows?) but yen lo just scoffs and is like no. i've seen you. you're not evil (it's a phoebe character theme!). they leave it on awkward terms.

phoebe's on a date maybe the cole thing ended when in season three when the source killed him idk. oh that would be go brutal for phoebe. go to the underworld to save ur boyfriend, succeed in saving him, but then immediately having both ur sister and your boyfriend die bc of said saving. i don't think i could put her thru that. Anyways. she's getting back in the dating game. it's three dates with this guy and he's fun he's fine i mean she likes him but it's just kind of missing this spark? you know? oh but maybe it's just her because she's holding back and piper's like well why are you holding back? and phoebe thinks and for some reason yen lo pops up in her mind for some god unknown reason and she says that her just last couple relationships have ended up so poorly and she's afraid to put herself back out there and it definitely has nothing to do with her sparring partner with cheekbones that could cut through steel who keeps slipping into her dirty daydreams instead of boring mcwhatever she's currently seeing whoops.

and yen lo's so pissy in this era bc what does she even see in that guy. fuck that guy. so they're arguing even more than usual even while sparring the mouths move almost as fast as the fists and they're getting genuinely pissed at each other because yen lo won't keep mcwhatever's name out of his mouth and phoebe's like dude shut up about him and yen lo's like i'm sorry i don't like to butt in on a boring life and phoebe's like then don't butt in and yen lo's like no and phoebe's like god ur so damaged what do you even care and yen lo's like oh i'm damaged i'm not the one dating someone so devastingly lame because you're too afraid of finding something real you'd rather stay in the shallow end then find something that actually makes you feel something. lowkey kind of you're marrying a man fathoms beneath you because you don't want to risk being betrayed type beat lowkey. and phoebe's so almost speechless like what? i feel things? and yen lo's like that's bullshit and you know it and the worst thing is it is and it makes phoebe so mad that she slips up and yen lo pins her. a beat. they're panting. that was a lot of fighting, in both meanings of the wo- oh. oh they're making out sloppy nasty rn.

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 328 - Flashback. They really have to draw mvp lord manspreading hard every time he's sitting at his throne, huh? Good for him ig.

- Ashoka's really just got the worst end of the stick because he doesn't want to interfere with humans but has to since the wws are and because Muzaka won't do his damn job.

- Hi Garda

- His thinking pose,,, child.

- No but seriously. You constantly visited him, why don't you know who he is Raskreia? Why are you unaware of the noblesse? Raskreia please.

Chapter 329 - Ah. Wait. The fancy throne from before was Maduke's only. Made with Union money... The original ww throne is just some dirt and rock.

- Why is Muzaka able to read Raizel's microexpressions unlike Urokai? The hell has Muzaka been doing? Analysing animals?

- You know you're doing bad when even the murder happy nobles are all "have you considered not killing people?"

Chapter 330 - I like how Ashoka's all "You can always talk to me. You know that right?" To Muzaka like some concerned parent.

- Krasis please don't offer your life because of minor things. Imagine accidentally bumping into him and he offers to go kill himself like I'd just ask if he needs to talk ya know.

- And again Raskreia and Raizel sit across each other in silence... Embarrassing. Ashoka they're both lost causes send a dog or something it'll work out better.

- "Most of our people want to commit a genocide so we should let them" is not a good take Garda.

Chapter 332 - Gechutel doubting Ashoka jsksksi. Be nicer grandpa, he's just jealous of Muzaka for getting Raizel to be friendly. I do find it funny that Raizel just allows whoever to stay with him though. Just "yeah sure its not like i ever leave this room".

- It's not like Raizel's life is particularly complicated either? He just has to go out and kill, sorry, I mean execute, a bunch of criminals every few centuries. Nbd.

Chapter 333 - Oh lord please save me. It's the most embarrassing moment of this damn manhwa. Grandpa's destroying the rice cooker and I'm destroying my brain 😭 Like please I know the blender makes scary noises and I don't like the microwave's beeping or when cooking appliances talk to me either but you can't just instinctively destroy them! Turn that shit off!

- Raskreia came to either see the fuss or because he was taking too long but just leaves when he goes "haha everythings fine trust me :) ". And then he lets Rael deal with the clean up because he's Kertia 🤡

- Oh my god Rael takes one step and that sends debris flying and said debris hits a tap and now the kitchen is flooded too. Bad luck king. AND THEN HE SUMMONS GRANDIA AS IF THAT'LL SOMEHOW HELP. He immediately realises his stupidity after summoning it though lol. So he calls Tao 😔

- Meanwhile M-21 and Takeo can't figure out if Tao is overreacting by taking D or if they should mimic him.

Chapter 334 - Love how Karias is like "Yeah i know the humans may not be physically strong but they are still strong <3" and Krasis goes "No you don't understand there's this asshole human who can beat you up so please don't go near him baby boy I'd be sad if you got hurt." Like yeah the latter part isn't said but a parent warning their kid to stay away from Frankenstein implies that.

- Also I absolutely love this gossip session between the trio, Rael, and Karias sjjsj. Just talk bad about Frankenstein like grandpa would want <3

- Pedro is just a really buff math teacher, chill out Gechutel, Raskreia. Regis and Seira never thought he was weird!

Chapter 335 - I like how committed Karias is on insisting he's Raskreia's younger brother like yes lie always and put it on your resume king. M-21 and Takeo however would pretend they didn't know him or Tao if they could because of this dumb shit.

- DON'T SHOUT AT A BUNCH OF KIDS FOR ASKING FOR RASKREIA'S NAME GRANDPA. They don't even know she's the lord I swear I'm gonna die here. Also obsessing over how Yuna and Suyi always immediately hold each other's hands when they get scared.

- Raskreia smiling when they ask if she's Raizel's sister... gonna go pretend that she's thinking her life would be easier if Raizel was her brother instead of Karias or something.

- This random schoolgirl is so fuckin cute. Also Raskreia. Lovely as always even when tiny.

Chapter 336 - EVEN THE GIRLS ARE STARING AT RASKREIA. I know that even straight ppl will stare at extremely beautiful members of the same sex and that it isn't out of the norm but they don't do it as long as bi or homosexual ppl do or blush while staring.

- Raizel's little embarassed blush at losing to a complete newbie like Raskreia. Ha.

- I think Ashoka liked humans because he thought it was funny to tower over them but yeah also because he could talk normally with them.

- So Seira stopped Regis from following because she knew grandpa and Frankenstein were stalking Raskreia and Raizel lmao.

Chapter 337 - Oh Dark Spear spawn time. Love how Tao's just worried that their personalities could become like Frankenstein's. Death? What death? That's not a problem.

Sidenotes - Why do glasses exist over a thousand years ago? I can accept suits and electricity and monocles but i draw the line at glasses

- Tbh Ye Ran being this paved over concrete desert sucks. Where are the grass fields? The trees? Inferior to all the schools I've been to simply by not having grass or trees. Even the school I remember going to in SK had some trees lining the patchy sandy fields even if most of what I can recall is playing with the sand with my fellow toddler comrades or playing tag.

[frecklef0x]

Mass Effect 1: Playthrough Masterpost

At last, I have finished Mass Effect 1!

I have heard some mutuals say they wish they could play it again for the first time, and you kind of can--through me! I’ve been posting little “episodes” of live-tweet-stream-of-consciousness as I play, and now I’ve compiled them into one post to make my life easier.

Anyway, here’s the first one, the rest are under the cut. :)

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode one

My ass looks great in this uniform, first of all

Impaled robo zombies, yikes

Cheap shot, Saren, smh. How will I pass my spectre test now?!

Why does he have robot eyes? Is he like, Geth-Turian? Why? Is he a robo zombie also? Was it the beacon???

Cool beacon nightmares, I'm sure this is fine

This Kaiden guy has implants? ORTEGA?!??!?

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor" lol obliterated

The citadel elevators are very realistic, five minutes of tense silence huh

Ya girl got a PROMOTION and a DOPE SQUAD time to catch a TRAITOR

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode two

First things first, gotta go find the blue scientist to join the gang

This galaxy is HUGE! How many of these places will I actually be able to go?!

Only two friends at a time????? D:

Ah, a distress signal, let's see wha--A DESERT CENTIPEDE NOPE ABORT ABORT

Robo aliens? In MY Theronian mining facility? Its more likely than you think

Running over dudes in my Mako is extremely satisfying tbh

*runs over geth troopers* *runs over geth armature* *runs over geth colossus* ... *backs over geth colossus*

Working elevators in the ancient ruins ✔

Oooooooh man hope this nerd is gay

Wrex, a friend of yours? Nope, not a friend, too murdery

"ShAaaAame about the ruins Shep, sOooOo much collatoral damage, SHEP" stfu Council, "ruthless" was in the resume when you promoted us, 10/10 would shoot lasers through archeological digs again

When Kaiden calls us "ma'am" I am, uh, into it

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode three

Time to talk to the gang! Gotta meet the fam proper

Oh dear seems we got a shmee of racism on board, compatriots

Wow Raina, good foot-in-mouth moment with Wrex there huh...sorry about the eventual extinction of your race, lost this round of Pain Olympics

OH SHIT OH SHIT BLUE HOTTIE BIGENDER? THIS IS NOT A DRILL???

“hi I’m Kaiden wanna hear about my last crush ;)” “hi I’m Liara wanna hear about Asari mating rituals? ;)))” damn we really slidin right into the DMs no chill

Garrus: fuck rules and red tape amiright Raina: oh u right ;)

Guess I’ll actually do a mission now LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

Honestly rolling out with Tali and Liara is a mood, squad goals

Raina @ every corporation on Noveria: I would sell you to satan for one(1) corn chip

This reactivation puzzle is some shit

I see some Mistakes were made

We already killing moms at this stage damn BioWare

FUCK FUCK BENEZIA KILLED ME AND I LOST A FUCKTON OF PLAYTIME

THERES LIKE NO AUTOSAVE IN THIS BITCH FUUUUUUUUU

fuck fuck fuck god damn it gotta shoot a bunch of deranged baby bug people again god DAMN IT

Okay we killed Liara’s mom in front of her hope that’s fine

And we let mama bug go free because after talking to Wrex, Raina’s like “this galaxy is a little trigger happy with the genocide, good luck out there bug mama ❤️ be cool please”

I have literally watched the scientist in the hot labs get killed three times now

So far the debreifs with the council have not gone very well

“You let bug mama go?! How many generations until they take over everything???” “My money’s on two :D Place your bets now assholes or stfu :DDD”

Asked Liara if she was okay and she seems pretty Cool With It

I hope to one day return to Noveria and Death Star it into oblivion

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode four

Talked with Tali and this situation with the Geth and the Quarians is giving me an existential crisis

You “inspect” my beautiful ship? You got somethin’ to say about my crew??? Talk shit get hit, bitch I will kill you

Yoooo my old earth gang, yeah what the hell, I’ll help ou—oh nope nvm he’s a xenophobe, you hang him and I’ll shoot his friend in the face, thx for your time

Went to the citadel to finish some assignments, left tasked with twice as many

“dOn’T cUt CoRneRs” fear not dear Kaiden, I have a permit: this piece of paper that says I do what I want

Still with the elevators, I really cannot with this

“You make it all sound so...dangerous...” ;) ;))))))

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode five

Headin’ to Virmire to rendezvous with the Salarian team

A cure for the genophase?!?!?! :D

Oh wait oh no are we for real gonna talk about destroying the cure like Wrex isn’t standing right here omg

SHIT GUYS NO NOT LIKE THIS WREX PLEASE

Phew for a conversation that basically started with guns drawn, it went pretty well... “What Saren has isn’t even a proper cure, he’s just fucking with the Krogans at this point. Are we gonna stand for that? Or are we gonna murder?” “Damn Shep, you right, we gon’ murder”

Okay Ashley, go join the aliens, try not to die

Shadow Team!🎵 tearing through the base 🎶 disabling all the     defenses 🎵 (you gotta sing it to the tune of the Trogdor song)

We free the prisoners!!! :)

We shoot the prisoners??? :(

“Raina? How can you shoot them where they stand?” So it’s more merciful to let them explode? NAH FAM

This scientist is responsible for the mind control stuff? For Benezia? Fine     I’ll let her go but I hope she explodes

We did not learn our lesson concerning beacons I see

Wait if even Saren is worried about his mind control ship does that mean there are larger forces involved here?

Oh. Oh fuck

Ugh Ashley I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DIE

(so we really never found any info about that genophase cure huh? disappointing)

Oh Seren, you dumb dumb. You absolute fool. Clown man.

When Raina slings Kaiden over her shoulder to carry him to the ship—mmmmmmmmwoooow I am very bisexual

Bruh Raina takes every council call and she disconnects pissed off every time

WAIT I literally just hung up with the council, ASHLEY is DEAD, and Kaiden needs a DTR RIGHT NOW?!?!? Boy, NO, READ THE ROOM

This has been a stressful day

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode six

Shepard will avoid her feelings and go to Faros instead

Seeing Ashley’s figure greyed out and her locker inaccessible makes me sad

Wrex and Garrus, let’s go shoot some geth 💪 

A mind controlling planet—of course!

Shep gets all her renegade points shooting capitalists

Saved, uh, about half the colonists

If I have one more bad acid trip I stg

Oh nope here’s another one

Shep needs a nap

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode seven

Ah, the council. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

At least Liara is good at pep talks ;)

Joker, you cockblock

Haha DUDE we airborne, you THOUGHT

Now that I am exiled from the Citadel, guess I’ll run some galactic errands:

o   Killed corporate scientists who though we would rescue them lol

o   Destroyed a bunch of geth camps helping Tali on her pilgrimage

o   Disabled a nuke and killed some pirates

o   Shut down some evil Cerberus experiments

o   And illegally traded information!

Okay time to get back on track

So we may or may not be flying to our doom

OH GOD LIARA LOVES ME!!! RAINA, YOU DISASTER, YOU DID IT AAAAAH ❤️❤️❤️

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode eight

You know what I love? Being murdered by geth armatures

All these Ilos ruins be looking the same

Security panel is only kinda helpful

Oh, luckily I know Prothean now!

“CANNOT BE STOPPED” wow very encouraging, thanks

After that super motivating message and disabling security, its time to go down, down to goblin town

Vigil? Oh word?

My girlfriend is GEEKING out

I knew something what wrong with that fucking Citadel

Vigil: information is power. Also Vigil: What does it matter why they do what they do? All that matters is you stop them

“non-essential” personnel die first, huh? GROSS, VIGIL (gotta be honest that hits different in 2020)

Garrus gets it, I knew we liked that guy

Okay, find conduit, save galaxy, break millennium-old genocide cyle, nbd

Ugh Mako you gotta do me dirty one last time I see, I hate this thing

THE CONDUIT STRAIGHT YEETED MAKO

The citadel robot says we’re doomed : )

This shootout is SO fun, seriously

Saren get it toGETHER

Renegade Raina can kill with a conversation apparently, well done then

Concentrate on the Sovereign—why am I gonna save a council that hates my guts, sorry, but I have a JOB to DO that you ACTIVELY HINDERED

Great, zombie husk Saren, just what I needed as I mull over the possible consequences of my galaxy-altering decision

GO JOKER GO

Humanity-only council seems…questionable. Raina didn’t love the council but this sits wrong. Couldn’t we just appoint a more diverse council, including a human?

Anderson seems like a good enough dude, so…we’ll see.

TIME FOR WAR BOYS, GODDAMN WHAT A GAME

[supportanimy]

All Stars Verse - Hologram Boy

Synopsis : The coaches of #thatPOWER are angry at Panda for turning P2 into a hologram

Word count : 2803

Notes : Can y'all guess what the title is referencing? Please guess what the title is referencing

"We did it, we did it! We did it, yay!" The coaches sing and dance together in the new galaxy, after Panda traveled to all the planets and achieved the All Stars.

But just as they started to party, a spaceship arrived and out came three people, all with grey skin and white hair, wearing different outfits consisting of only red and black. 

"YOU!" The shortest one pointed angrily at Panda. "You killed our friend!"

"He's not dead, but he is hurt. And trapped," the muscly guy said.

"Hey, I know these guys!" Starships mentions excitedly. "That Power, right?  Or #thatPOWER, I guess. But don't you guys have four? Where's P2?"

"Here," the P3 drops a tiny machine, and a hologram of P2 appears. 

"Oh. Your hair has gotten...longer. And darker."

"Yeah, well as I was saying, PANDA MURDERED HIM!" P1 yells angrily and attempts to tackle Panda, but Reindeer shields them. 

"No, Panda would never do such a thing! They're too sweet and kind to! You must be confusing them with some other panda!"

P4 walks forward and pushes her friend back, but turns around to glare at them. "Impossible, there are no other pandas here," she explains. "Number 2 is not dead," Someone laughs, "he cannot die. However, he is permanently trapped as a hologram because of Panda's actions, and according to him, Panda was constantly taunting and harassing him just before that. Isn't that right?" P2 nods.

"Quiet as ever, huh?" Starships tries to lean on him, but passes through and falls.

"Then it must have been an accident!" Reindeer continues to defend their friend. The two had been close since childhood. One would know that if one played Kids Mode.

SS1, interested in whatever argument is happening, eats popcorn and shares it with the other coaches. "You know, *munch* Panda harassing some rando *munch* is honestly not that *munch* out of character for him." SS2 grabs a handful. "Agreed."

ME4 fixes his glasses, "Wait, I think I know what's happening here. Battle Mode, I'm guessing. Never got a chance on one of those."

"What's Battle Mode?" Rasputin's coach scratches his beard. 

Out of nowhere, Starships slides in to chime in the conversation. "A mode where coaches from two different songs go head to head in a dance battle! Only appeared in two games though, and I never got to join one," she pouts. 

Back to the argument, Reindeer gives up trying to defend Panda and is instead resorting to insulting P2. "He's just a robot! Can't he be replaced?!" the power coaches and BFT gasp.

P1 is now being restrained by P3 and P4 as she tries to attack Reindeer now. "I'm going to kill both of you!"

"No need to waste your energy on those lowlives, Number 1. We just need to get money from them so we can make a time machine and change the events of the battle, making it so that Number 2 wins instead."

Hearing that, HH2 gets a bright idea.

"We don't need to go that far, P4. We just want them to apologize-What do you mean no, Two?! Don't tell me you want revenge too?!

"Psst, P1," HH2 whispers to her friend. "Don't we have a friend with a time machine?"

"You mean Goddess? Does she count as our friend?" he replies before getting elbowed by HH4, who enters their talk uninvited. "I think she means the Backstreet Wannabes." "I mean, Goddess could probably time travel-" "No one asked, P3!"

"BE QUIET!" HH2 shouted loud enough for everyone to hear. 

"Ooh," SS1 directs his attention to her.

"So, #thatPower...I think I may know the ones to help you. Though, we have to fly there since...they're on the other galaxy."

"Sure! We appreciate any help! Even though I'm not sure what kind of help these people you're saying will offer," P3 agrees immediately.

P4 is a bit more skeptical. "How do we know you aren't lying to us? We aren't even sure what help we're getting."

"Some people with a time machine," HH1 tells them. "Like what you said earlier. I'm not sure who P2 is talking about though."

P1 finally stopped being filled with rage, and it was replaced with joy. "You actually have a time machine?! Oh, how I long to return to my time!"

The other coaches are understandably confused over her statement. P3 tells them to shrug it off, "Don't mind her, she gets like that. We're not sure why."

"So what about it, Two? Wanna time travel so you don't get stuck as a hologram anymore?" The hologram nods, grinning from ear to ear. "Great!" P3 turns the projector off and keeps it in his pocket.

"P3, I will murder you, and then dismember you, and feed you to tigers." "We-we don't have tigers. Also your arms are twigs." "Don't you act smart with me!"

"Chill 4, it's just a tiny mistake, NBD," the blonde woman remarks without looking away from her phone. "P1 hit my hand too, but you don't see me threatening him."

"Who the fuck actually says NBD-Oh uh, sorry for that."

"Yeah, but he didn't hit it hard enough that you punch yourself in the face enough to hurt!"

"How did that even happen? Like I said, your arms are twigs-" "Do NOT!"

Just as the two were about to attack each other, they heard the faint sound of an aircraft. 

"Hey, I'm trying to strangle someone! Can you not-" she stops her sentence when she sees a spaceship getting closer to the four.

"Get cover!" "Calm down First, it's probably just going to pass by us like airplanes." "No, P2, it's actually gonna fall on us!" he points at the ship landing fast. "Oh," she's pulled to safety by him, where their colour scheme changes.

It stayed at a steady pace going down, but stopped just 100 meters off the ground and slowly went straight down.

"Seriously? After all that drama?" "Hey, be grateful we're safe!"

When it finally finished landing, four familiar faces and four unfamiliar faces walked out.

"Hey look, it's High Hopes! And some Homestuck cosplayers!" the woman jumps back out from their hiding spot, which made her hair turn back to blonde. "That's not-whatever, I'm tired of your dumb ass."

"Dirty Bit Gang!" HH4 runs to hug DB2. 

"Wait, they have a time machine?!" HH3 never knew that fact. If he did, he would've begged to use it to appear earlier in more songs.

"Well duh, their song is called The Time, and one of us should definitely have a time machine."

"So I see you guys have a spaceship. I assume you guys are here to use our time machine, but who are they?" DB1 asks. 

"Hi, I'm the Starships coach! Love your outfits, but feel like the colours could be better. These are coaches from #thatPOWER, but one member is kinda stuck right now-"

"I hope you don't mind if we borrow it for a while," P3 drops the projector and P2 sighs quietly in relief. 

DB4 stops her punch to DB3 midway to look at P2. "Uh, is he okay?"

"That's the reason we're here. Number 2-" "PFFFFT!" "Number 2, is stuck as a hologram and we have no way of transferring his AI to a body so we were hoping that we can travel to the past to change the course of the battle that made him this way in the first place."

"Cool," DB1 responds, not catching any of that. "Say, why do you need eight people plus a hologram to do that?"

HH2 raised a finger as if to answer him, but put it on her chin instead. "I'm-I'm not sure."

"C'mon, it's easy!" HH1 tries his best to explain. "There's That Power, the ones who want to go to the past, Starships, the representative of 2014, We're here to-wait, P2 was their guide, I'm not sure why the rest of us are here."

"Okayyy, sure, we'll do that, but do you have a plan?"

Silence. "Yeah, we didn't think of that."

"Of course you didn't," frustration was evident in his voice. "Fine, follow me."

DB3 and DB4 continued to fight, while the eight were led to a dark room with a massive TV screen, and a few couches. There was a table with a flower pot on it, with some cookies and candy beside it. 

"So, it would be dangerous to just alter the past with no plans and no actual clue on what happened. That's why, we're going to watch it, then decide what to do," the bearded man takes the remote next to the screen and switches to different channels. "2014, it's a battle, correct?"

The screen switched to a scene on a stage with multiple monitors and the letters VS in the middle, displaying a dance floor with some other items beside it such as a chair. Panda rushed in and stood there while P2 slowly approached them, C'mon by Kesha playing in the background. When P2 was close enough, Panda started circling around him, then went back to their position, but not before blowing a kiss at the robot, which he moved his head to avoid.

"Oh, Panda blew a kiss at you? That should be a reminder," HH4 notes.

"What a shame," HH3 comments.

They began dancing, with Panda moving their arms towards their chest and P2 doing robotic movements. That was until just before the first pre-chorus started where P2's movements look like he was being controlled by a puppeteer, then they became more "free".  

"Haha!" Starships laugh. "Seeing such a serious face on a cute dance move is so-" As past Panda and P2 turned to each other, the lyrics sang at the part made her stop. "Oh no. Oh no no no no. Oh god no."

"Is she okay?" DB2's question had a worried tone. "She's fine. Probably," HH2 assures.

"There are 2 images burned into my mind, and I don't like either of them!"

The rest ignore her dramatics and continue watching the battle. The chorus played, with the two performing an all too common move, putting your elbow on your raised leg, but coupled with some pushing each other to the side in between. When the singer sang the song's title repeatedly, Panda is seen establishing dominance over P2.

"Uhh," P3's braincells, or whatever robots have, seemed to have been fried from just watching the battle. "How are you losing to a panda?!" P2 shrugs.

The beginning of the final round consisted of Panda taunting P2, and P2 attempting to damage Panda but to no avail. P2 looked like he was about to faint right before the chorus started again, with them repeating the same moves earlier. The battle finally ended, in which Panda brings out a button and presses it, turning P2 into a hologram while they laugh.

"Okay, that was way too far now that I've seen it! I'm going to join the others in killing them-"

"Yo, calm down. We watched this to help you think of a plan, remember? While it was very weird to watch, we can decide what to do now, or in the past," DB1 brought out a piece of paper and puts it on the table. "Write your plan of action there, then I'll check over it to make sure it's nothing drastic."

P4 grabs the paper and begins writing on it with her built-in pen. "What we want to do is to make it so that P2 wins this fight. I think that can be easily done if we change the music."

"But won't Panda just press the button either way?" HH1 has a solid question.

"Hmm, then I guess we'll just destroy it."

"Wait, if we're going to destroy it anyways, what's the point in changing the song?" HH3 is surprisingly thinking a bit smarter now.

"Oh, that one is to save his honor. And to destroy Panda's-!" P1 clenches her fist tight.

"Riiight. Right. Right."

"Yes, but how are we doing that? Won't doing that alter a whole lot of events now since he's the mascot?" P3 tries to think deeply.

"Not really," DB1 answers, having a braincell for once. "Since you're from the same game, and you don't have any future appearances besides that one mashup, I think you guys would be fine."

"That's it, yes? Number 2's battle wasn't quite complicated, so maybe that's enough. Sir?"

DB1 takes the paper from P4, and looks it over. "Goddammit why am I reading with shades-yeah, that's okay I guess."

"Great, now we can go!" P1 is ecstatic to finally be able to return her friend back to his original state. So is the rest, even if P4 doesn't show it.

"Well, I guess that's our queue to leave. Goodbye and your welcome!" HH2 grabs her friends to drag them home.

"Wait, but didn't you go by spaceship?" P3 doesn't know how they would even return.

"Now worries, this is our planet, we'll teleport home!" "We can teleport?!" "HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED THIS WHOLE TIME-"

"What about...her?" P4 looks down on Starships, who was still freaking out. 

"Well, since she's the 2014 rep, we have to get her gloves if you want to travel there and back-" "I CAN'T TRAVEL TO MY TIME???" "-Would you mind…?" 

Starships takes it off and throws it at the pink-haired woman. "Just, just take it. Heck, keep it."

"Kay."

"Alright, follow me again," he gestures.

This time, a room that looks like it came from a certain sci-fi franchise involving space travel, but not time travel for some reason.

"Ight, just stand there," DB1 points at a platform," and you'll be fine. Also, here are the gloves, just wear it when you're done."

"Thanks a lot for helping us," P3 did a polite bow, "we're very grateful." He elbows the others to follow.

"No probs, we do this all the time, just be mindful that there are some side effects of time travel-" "Excuse me-?!" "But they're harmless! Have fun!" And the three robots plus hologram go back in time.

They arrived at a weird green space. There was a door quite far away, and would take a while to walk to. They felt something weird, and looked at their hands and each other to realize that they became green too. Except for P2.

"Changing colours is not what I expected but…" P4 spins her hand around.

"Maybe this could be useful, since we blend in with everything else," P3 compares his shade to the space.

They see Panda coming out of nowhere, heading to the door. Without speaking, they all immediately followed them. "Number 1, go grab the button. Number 3, get there and change the music." "Aye aye, 4."

P1 gets on the floor and crawls to the panda, P3 rushes to the door, and P4 carries P2's projector, following them from a distance. 

The short woman finds a pocket on Panda's body and tries to find the button. Instead, there was a tophat, a tennis racket, a trumpet and a whole lot of other things that should not be able to fit there. Somehow, Panda didn't notice any of that. She finally got her hands on the button, and immediately destroyed it. 

The sound alerts Panda, causing them to look around, but not finding anyone since they all blend in and P4 had turned off the projector, and shrugs it off. P3 uses that minor distraction to enter through the door. 

Immediately after passing through, his skin changed again, now blending into the room which was where the battle took place. Past P2, stood there, already arrived, but didn't take notice of P3, who climbed the ceiling and found the sound system. He used it and changed the settings so #thatPOWER was gonna play instead of C'mon.

When Panda comes in to start the fight, with the remaining two sneaking in, the course of it had already been decided. Past P2 had started attacking them and charging himself up. The fight continued on with P2 having an advantage, and at the end when P2 won, Panda jumped off, leaving the room while P2 laughs then leaves from the other exit. In that moment, the room turned to a black space, everyone turning back to normal, P2's projector disappeared, and a blended in silhouette of him was there.

"P2, you're back!" P1 goes to hug him. P2 clearly had been confused by what she said, but accepted it anyways. P3 and even P4, who isn't very physically affectionate, joins in the hug.  "We missed being able to actually touch you, buddy. Now I don't have to kneel down just to fistbump someone." "HEY!"

"I guess we can go home now," P4 puts on the glove and they teleported back to their starting point. 

-

So as you can read, there's like zero logic here, but I'm proud of.it cause it's my longest one-shot!

[nightblink]

Blink Reads Oathbringer - Chapter 120

Only one chapter, because this was the kind of doozy that got a play-by-play and ended up being long enough to stand on its own.

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Twenty – The Spear That Would Not Break

Ooooo, yesss, 'Rough map of the Battle of Thaylen Field', good. I love having city maps like this to help us visualize.

Kaladin's even believing that he failed the windspren, now, the ones that gathered when he was close to speaking the Fourth Ideal. Oh Kal. For some reason I don't think you 'being down on yourself' is the reason you couldn't swear. You knew that you wouldn't mean it. You weren't ready for it, and that's all right. You can't- you can't push recovery, or coping, or ability to deal with an issue, not like that.

Kaladin vs Amaram – a fated face-off- oh shit Amaram just downed the smokestone. WELL THEN. One bonded Radiant versus one… human just about to- “bond”? host? an Unmade

---

Haaaaah, and there Adolin goes again, self-deprecating about the ill-fitting jacket he'd patched together to lighten Shallan's worries and appear steady despite how unstable he is on the inside. Oh man, but that 'Go. Save the city. Be Radiant, Shallan.” [CLUTCHES HEART] L o rd, but you can just hear the love and admiration that he's pouring into those words, each one of them honest to the core (except, of course, the “I'll be fine.” But that's on a different level entirely.)

There's another scene that I'd gladly pay to see done in good animation – Shallan raising an army of illusions, each glowing like a Radiant, and Pattern's fractals running ever-so-subtly over the shape of him-as-a-Blade.

'The illusory Adolin glowed with Stormlight and floated a few inches off the ground. She'd made him a Windrunner.' 'I… I can't take that.' [claps hands] Hello. Again. Self-worth. Issues. And this time combining his feelings of inadequacy with his memory of her looking at Kaladin – Windrunner, standing tall and heroic, windspren sweeping around him like sparkling starlight – when he breathed out slow and it felt like his hopes started to seep out along with that breath.

No scream from his sword – but he thanks her. Maybe, over in Shadesmar, she can even hear him. Maybe.

---

AIGHT TEAM AWESOMENESS TIME (lets use awesomeness rather than Friction for things like that because lbr it just kind of sounds Wrong otherwise)

Hearing Szeth refer to Dalinar as master just makes me shiver, it feels… not quite wrong, as he chose this person to follow, trusting their judgment, but it definitely feels weird

Nightblood, you definitely eat people. It's not the same method as humans eating thing, but it's the same sort of principle.

Szeth really, really needs some quiet, no-death time, but with people around. A place where he's at least accepted to be. And despite Nightblood being… Nightblood, the sword is good for him. Companionship. I can't wait to see what his bonded highspren has to say about that, though.

---

Right, so. Amaram can just fuck off already. As if he wasn't bad enough already, now he has the sheer gall to tell Kaladin to thank him? “I created you, spearman. I forged you.” Oh get down off your high horse for once in your goddamn life, Amaram. The world does not revolve around you! You are not the lynchpin on which the turning of time rests!

Look at this goddamn weeb with his dual-wielded Shardblades. Fuck up his day, Kal. Fuck up his life.

'One taken in bloodshed, at the cost of Kaladin's crew. The other, Oathbringer. A sword given to ransom Bridge Four.' And wielded by Amaram, who put Kaladin's brother on the front line and took Kaladin's freedom. Branderson's not even trying to hide the symbology here, he's outright stating it. (Kal you are such a Hufflepuff, istg, and I love it)

Yikes, and there starts the transformation. Amaram's probably going to look distorted and sprouting crystals by the time this fight ends.

---

“Hello, old friend.” GODDAMN, I DIE. Dalinar you'd better come out of this alive.

---

Yet another scene that I'd like to see justice done to via animation is this one of Shallan, light swirling around her and expanding from her feet as everyone she's ever drawn comes to life-through-light around her.

[winces] Of course her parents would trigger old trauma and start causing her to falter and retreat. But… her alternate personalities. As unhealthy as her coping mechanisms may be, these two do usually lend her a reprieve (not strength, no matter what she thinks – that is hers and hers alone, as the Real Person) when she needs to lean on them.

---

Adolin: [casually collects a squad of Thaylen soldiers]; Jasnah: [does not need any help whatsoever]; Adolin: ...okay then, next-

Once again we have mention of those “geometric shapes” that we saw with Dalinar when he jumped down the chasm to tap Venli out of the vision, and I still wonder if that's proto-Shardplate or not, especially since Dalinar was unhurt as he dug his fingers into stone to slow his descent and now Jasnah casually tosses a man through the air, nbd

[insert lots of quiet shrieking that will be followed up on in my Adolin Notes post] tldr: Horrors of war (he's gonna have nightmares about this) and so, so many self-worth issues.

Aww yisss, heirs teaming up to go get Navani and Fen out of being cornered, good, because I need both Navani and Fen to survive this battle and their strengths aren't in battle prowess

---

Hmmm, so is the Perpendicularity going to fade over time since Honor is still shattered? That's kind of the feel that I'm getting from what Ivory is saying here.

Jasnah can just wave her hand and a squad of soldiers is Soulcasted into smoke with hardly any effort. Oooof. Yeaaaah, I imagine even Jasnah, who did such in Kharbranth with no regrets, would feel rather horrified at the ease with which she just dispatched those men.

Ah, the Perpendicularity has closed – good to know. 'He had been the storm, and had somehow recharged the spheres – but like a storm, his effects were passing.' That tells us a little more about Dalinar's current state as well – because despite the Stormfather having a large fragment of Honor's power now, they are still 'just' a Bondsmith-pair (though I'm still thrown by and dancing around the whole I am Unity thing, because. goddamn.)

Ooooo, with the worlds this close and Soulcasting as easy as it is- you're gonna pull what we see on the cover and close the wall gap, aren't you, Jasnah?

---

Now Szeth and Lift are getting close to the Singers who aren't Fused – many of whom never wanted to fight in the first place. And you two know if your quarry headed this way or not?

It's an interesting split in the Skybreaker reasoning here – Nale sits out the battle, bowing to the Parshendi as the true keepers/rulers of the land, but Szeth maintains that since this 'law' is the 'product of the many', and his own experiences show how flawed that can be, that he cannot follow it. I'm… still very confused and torn over Skybreakers.

OOOP THERE'S THE ONE WITH THE RUBY they did know where they were going to find her

Okay Sanderson but now that you've put the thought in our heads, we need at least one chapter in a future book where Lift is sitting around with Nightblood and teaching it the filthiest, filthiest language she possibly can in all the languages she knows.

Once again, the greater power of the Radiants' Surgebindings prove to be a deciding factor over the Fused's Voidbindings – and Szeth has experience in the air. Which he's going to need, since now that he has that ruby he's got a target painted on the back of his head.

---

I'm thankful that it's Adolin who told Navani about Elhokar's death. Kaladin… Kaladin saw it happen, and he would have catapulted right back into the moment and into the self-blame and overwhelming grief if he'd had to be the one to tell Navani that her son – one of the people he'd sworn to protect – was dead on his watch. Adolin, on the other hand – they're family, and while Adolin doesn't blame himself to the level that Kaladin does, ever since Kholinar he's been in Grieve later mode. He hasn't given himself the time and slackening of self-shouldered responsibility to process the feelings over Elhokar's death, though he's been mulling over the consequences of what it means logically for the entirety of the Shadesmar journey.

I can't even imagine how this must be for Navani – the second time she's mourned the death of a child. Even if the first time, Jasnah eventually returned, that doesn't change the fact that Navani had to mourn both her children.

As soon as his shared moment of grief with his aunt is over, Adolin is assessing the situation and formulating strategy, taking charge without breaking stride and giving orders to the Thaylens – interrupted by Jasnah being goddamn amazing (hah, she DID Soulcast the wall whole again, and how) – and then changing strategies on the fly due to the new fortification. He's so very far from useless, and yet, this seems to do nothing to alleviate that insecurity.

...Adolin, you're damned good with a Shardblade, but that's a thunderclast. Y'know, the twin of the thing that crushed Lift's lower body earlier? You don't have Radiant healing powers! If that thing so much as clips you you're fucking toast. I know you probably want to help your brother, (you want to be useful,) but without Plate or stormlight healing, that's... very close to a deathwish.

---

Oooop, yeah, Amaram is going all crystalline on us. It's not having any apparent detriment on his physicality so far, though with him wearing Plate that could just be hard to tell. Gotta give him one thing, though: Amaram is really good with the Blade, and doubly so with that dual-wielding stance. It wasn't going to be easy for Kaladin in the first place, and now he's bonding with an Unmade.

Oh yeah and don't forget your job – whatever Dalinar's doing, he needs to focus on it and not get killed. That'd be great.

I can't remember – has Kaladin ever felt the Thrill that we've known of? I can't remember it happening even in an offhand reference as opposed to on-page.

When did Amaram get a Shardbow?! Is that Sadeas' old bow that he's shooting at Kaladin with? I… well, that's appropriate, but I'd rather not see Kaladin hit with a spear-sized arrow.

I wonder just how much the swallowed gem + Unmade bonding is going to change Amaram. Bonding with a spren doesn't change the Radiants so physically (yet), but we see here that Amaram's sprouting more crystals from his body – crystals that are piercing through his Plate from the inside out! - and considering what voidspren do to the Listeners/Singers, I wouldn't be surprised if Yelig-nar evicts his soul once it's done changing his form.

Okay, Plate or not, grabbing a Shard-lance is a ballsy move.

---

'Dalinar walked through the mist, and each step was a battle he relived.' After all this trauma relived, the only way you're going to sleep this night if you survive is by passing out from sheer exhaustion.

It's interesting to know that the Thrill isn't a drive to kill, per se, but just to fight – it simply takes that to the extreme end, keep on fighting even when you've won, keep on fighting until there's nothing left, even then keep on fighting there is only the fight

---

'Jasnah existed halfway in the Cognitive Realm.' As great as that must be for her to Soulcast powerfully and on the fly, it… probably isn't good, technically speaking. The 'normal' people who use Soulcasters seems to end up like this over time, and even if the physical effect wouldn't apply to a Radiant in the same way, it's probably still not safe, or even a good idea.

Still. Jasnah can just reach forth and command air to become stone. That is awesome.

'“Bad?” she asked Ivory. “It is,” he said from her collar.”' Uh oh. And saying that about Shallan going through the amount of stormlight that she has… we know that there are effects/repercussions to simply holding stormlight (increased impetuousness, a drive to act) do we know if there are any downsides to using too much stormlight? A sort of burnout, perhaps?

Just. Casually soulcasts a wall of pitch in the air and then sets the Fused that come through it on fire to bun and writhe and die horribly. No big deal. And then slices through the next with the Ivoryblade. Simple. Elegant. Effortless. Very terrifying.

Ah- that's fair, and not the 'bad thing' that I'd originally considered: Shallan's burning through enough stormlight that there won't be enough left for anyone else to do anything (as opposed to somehow having a negative effect on herself). Damn, I didn't realize that she was going though that much stormlight, if she's nearly cleared all the field of spheres around them of energy!

Fingers crossed that Jasnah can help Shallan, and that neither Renarin nor Adolin dies fighting the thunderclast.

---

Dun ruby? Did he or one of the other Radiants breathe all of the light from the King's Drop? I'd thought it was still infused!

'I think they would have flown like you instead of falling down, if they'd really wanted to be saved.' That. That's not how it works, Nightblood. Also you can't exactly be a 'noble sacrifice' when you're you. And on that train of thought – what would it take to destroy such an Invested, sentient object like Nightblood?

'He did not win by dying.' And you actually do understand that, in more ways than just related to the immediate battle at hand – you've faced death, more or less experienced it, and have seen and decided for yourself that it is not the answer that you'd once wished for.

I continue to love this trio's dynamic. Lift and Nightblood are far too quickly becoming friends for Vasher's future sanity, though.

What is 'deevy'. Is that Nalthian or something that Lift actually recognises, I can't tell

Yessss, time for Lift to show off those skills – not the Radiant ones, but those that she honed by stealing people's dinners.

---

'She'd made thousands of illusions. Each one… each one was her. A portion of her mind. A portion of her soul. … Each one of her illusions that died hit her with a little shock. A sliver of her dying.' Aaaaand you're another one that's not going to be sleeping tonight unless you just collapse into unconsciousness. The soldiers have at least had some experience with this sort of battle, but you… this is really your first battlefield of this kind, and you're not only fighting it all on your own, but in a very strange but intimate way, with parts of your very soul.

She's gotten a lot better at her illusions, though, perhaps partly though the sheer power that she's able to access to power these, but that combination of Lightweaving+Soulcasting backed by all that light feels a lot like Kaladin's airbending of the highstorm even as he drew light from it back during Part 1. I'd bet a handful of spheres that what she's doing here is one of the Lightweaver-unique Surge manifestations.

Veil and Radiant are supports, anchors for her mind, but Shallan is the one doing this, not hiding behind a false mask to do so.

Oh? What do you need Shallan's help for, Lift?

---

AMARAM. CAN. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

[winces] A sword may be better for breaking Plate than a spear, but the problem is that you're much better with a spear than a sword, and there's a fair chance that Amaram might be better facing off against a sword, assuming that he's trained Blade-against-Blade. And I think you realize those problems too.

WHOA WAIT WHAT AMARAM'S PLATE IS SHATTERING- 'Beneath, his ripped sock revealed a foot overgrown with carapace and deep violet crystals.' Um. Well then. Carapace and crystal. He's growing his own armor, isn't he?

Oh shit and he has access to surges now. That first one looks like the Stoneward's use of Tension that we saw in Dalinar's initial flashback to Aharietiam in this book, but that second looks more like Friction! Unless it's a use of Cohesion or combined Cohesion-Tension that acts like Friction? It's possible that while the Voidbindings are analogous to the Surgebindings, the combination that a Fused may have is different from the Radiant combinations. And while he's not… technically a Fused? Ish? Sort of? (What do we call this sort of bond.) he's obviously obtained access to at least one if to two or even more Voidbindings or Surges.

And now it's two against one, and Kaladin still has to keep an eye on Dalinar to make sure that nothing's going after him. Greeeeaaaaaat. This is not going to turn out well.

---

Speaking of not turning out well, Adolin I know you want to be of use and help your brother but, uhhhhh you do know that that thunderclast only needs to get one hit on you without your Plate and you're smushed, right?

And you're alone, even better. Renarin was caught in the crowds, I believe I saw? Um. This is. Just about suicide and I think you know that and that's. Mmmmmmmmm- (Of all the things I wish these brothers never had to share...). It’s going to be half-miracle and half breaking the limits of his goddamn skill if he’s going to survive this for any length of time. Seeing a soldier get squished right in front of you isn't inspiring any confidence

………………

'“You want to fight it, don't you? It reminds you of when you were alive.” Something tickled his mind, very faint, like a sigh. A single word: Mayalaran. A… name?' Right, hearing a spren's voice – not out loud, but in your head, from a spren that shouldn't be able to do anything but scream.

….if that's not a proto-Bond of some kind then I will eat a goddamn mushroom. He hasn’t said any Words, but he’s definitely cracked enough for a bond. Even so, though, WoB is that it’s very, very difficult, nigh-impossible but not entirely so to revive one of the dead-by-broken-Oaths spren. If he’s even edging towards managing that... there’s no way that it’s going to come without consequences. With spren and human both broken - that wouldn’t be a normal Radiant Nahel bond; even if they manage a Bond there’s going to be something different about it. (....hah, another thing that the brothers would share, what is it with the Kholins and strange bonds?)

Oh, great, so even if you dodge, the sheer force of the thunderclast hitting the ground in an attempt to smash you can knock you off your feet. Fantastic.

!!! Somehow, in all of that noise and the roar of adrenaline, you manage to hear a child's whimper and dash back to save them, then proceed to parkour through the collapsing buildings as it strikes at you and then reverse back with speed to blitz its legs. I mean I still want Renarin to get here asap because you can't last forever, but I'm at least not as worried for your life as I was before, considering this display.

….yoink?

---

'It returned every memory he hated about himself. War and conflict. Times when he'd shouted Evi into submission. Anger that had driven him to the brink of madness. His shame.' Everyone is going to need a good, long series of therapy sessions after this is over, but you most of all. Oh Heralds, you most of all.

The thrill reacts to his thanks like a favoured axehound to its master's praise, reveling in his acceptance. It loves him, in its own strange, twisted way.

---

Venli! Back to you, finally – you weren't pushed back with Odium and the others when Dalinar opened Honor's Perpendicularity, and I am curious.

Rhythms are overlapping, drowning each other out, and yet, amidst all that chaos, she can pick out one of the old Rhythms, a Rhythm of her people, not of Odium, and the way that she can feel Timbre, like a magnified version of Maya's whisper not two pages before-

...I was wondering if it were possible for Parshendi to become Radiants. I thought I read somewhere that there'd never been a Parshendi Radiant before. Hah. While Dalinar might technically have been holding his hand out to Amaram, the message came across to someone else entirely. 'You can change. You can become a better person.'

You have Words.

'I choose!' Oh man, that gives me shivers. Not as much as 'you cannot have my pain', but damn that sent a jolt down my spine.

Okay, it's really silly, but I'm cackling myself out of my chair at the thought/sight of Venli hunching over, shoulders curling, practically talking to her chest.

'Journey before destination.'

[EXCITED SHIVERS]

(I do wonder, though, especially considering what we've seen of this Avalanche, if all of this generation of Radiants is something new, different from before.)

---

I am very amused but not at all surprised that Adolin can recognise sets of Shards on sight, even though he likely hasn't seen them in person before.

2v1 is better than nothing when you're facing a thunderclast (especially when this guy can take hits and you can't) but I still want Renarin there asap (WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE US BACK-TO-BACK KHOLIN BROTHERS, SANDERSON)

oh yes and then of course it ignores the bait and goes straight for Adolin. Fantastic, it holds grudges.

….did. did you just throw an over-six-foot-long Shardblade like it was a knife. And that's a move you somehow practiced.

his ability to read/react in battle situations is (tbqh) disgustingly good but that 'judging the shadow of the thunderclast's hand and dodging so it landed with him between the fingers'? What the actual fuck is your reaction time

...not good enough, apparently. Ouch. Even a glancing blow is enough to badly injure. (Broken rib, injured arm and injured leg (unknown severity), possible further internal injury)

Seven heartbeats. Panic conveyed to his mind as a warning, unprompted.

So. Uh. That's a thing.

Except then Thunderclast. He is so fucking lucky that that stomp didn't hit him or he'd be paste.

[winces] Between the previous injury from the sideswipe, the drop, and now the fall, his leg is busted. He can't run. He can barely even stand. But there's Maya again, reaching for him (there are no heartbeat counts no indication of summoning since the rooftop collapse and I wonder if that's significant or not) and-

Oh thank fuck Renarin is finally here

HAH THAT'S RIGHT YOU'D BETTER STEP BACK IN FEAR. A Shardbearer is one thing, but a Radiant? Whatever spren is animating the thunderclast, it recognises that glow of stormlight, and know that its death is nearing.

“I can handle it, Adolin. Just go! Please.” AHHHH, RENARIN GETTING TO BE THE ONE TO PROTECT HIS BROTHER THIS TIME I LOVE- (I still want back-to-back brothers sometime but this is awesome so I'll forgive BrandoSando for now)

………...Adolin is going to have nightmares about the thunderclast smashing Renarin for the rest of his life. That said, Jesus fuck what a fucking TANK- looks like Regrowth use in battle isn't just for healing others, but will accelerate the stormlight healing to the point of well I just got flattened by a boulder but that's okay I'm good

Seriously, though, Truthwatchers and Edgedancers must be just goddamn unkillable

Handing the Mayablade over is not something I'd expected, but better that Renarin have someone at his side that's uninjured and won't have to dodge every single blow and can instead focus more on the attack.

---

'Szeth of the Skybreakers had, fortunately, trained with all ten Surges.' Which means that you've already practiced with Division even though you're not trained with the power that you'll use as an actual Sybreaker, and you know what the other Surges look like and what to expect from them, which is more than any of the other Radiants here have.

Szeth on ice skates is something I need to see art of now

PFFFFFT okay I know that technically a Radiant doesn't have to transfer the stormlight with their hands, but for Szeth to do so with his face just sends me cackling

YOU GOT THE RUBY GO GO GO

Ahhhh, that's what you needed Shallan for. Good job on the switch; they definitely believed it, and now you have time

[winces] Yeaaaah – even if the Thrill never had a hold on Szeth, it'll take the memories of the fighting and the killing and break him all the more, and he does not have the stability to come out of that all right.

But what of Lift? How will the Thrill affect her?

---

Um. Well. Looks like that transformation that Amaram's experiencing is not a painless one.

Unless we see another Surge use from him (which would mean more than two Surges), I think this confirms that Yelig-nar confers the Surges of Tension and Division(?), given that he's burning stone like we heard that the Dustbringers could do from the TWoK prologue and saw Malata do to Taravangian's table.

Ouch. This fight is really showing just how bad it can be for a Windrunner(/Skybreaker) to lighten themselves when their opponents are coming in with blows hard enough to fling them across the battlefield. Also he is once again getting dangerously low on stormlight, and unless he wants a successor-scene to the aerial chase he had in Shadesmar that ended with him plummeting, he'd better be very judicious and efficient in his stormlight use.

Um. Okay so- “Syl. Syl, that was a Lashing.” - confirmed that the Unmade can confer Surges beyond the strict two-Surge-limit on their host. That. That is terrifying.

Gotta agree with Kaladin that's it's not entirely Amaram that he's speaking with right then. While Amaram may still be present, he's been twisted even further – first by the Thrill and then by Yelig-nar – to a point beyond what probably even Meridas Amaram alone would have gone, despite being an utter shitsack of a man.

Then again, I could be wrong. The revelation of the Heralds 'betrayal' could very well have been a no-turning-back point for him, going over to Odium instead out of anger and hurt and spite when he found out that the Heralds he so trusted and believed in were revealed to be already on Roshar, and not as holy as he'd thought.

“After I was forced to kill your squad, I… hurt.” 'After I was forced-'? Oh, you despicable, putrid barf-stain of a human being, I hope one of those amethysts is stabbing you in the balls right now, because what the hell is that passive acceptance. Nobody forced you to murder men for a Blade. This is definitely your fault and you have zero remorse and I am going to cheer when you finally get your face stabbed like you deserve.

Igniting the air?! Oh fuuuuuuck, that's new- note, Division doesn't require solids or liquids it can just. Pull a full Colonel Mustang and ignite the air. Greeeeaaaaaat.

“Then why do you still hurt?” Oooo, that struck deeper than any of his physical hits have thus far, and it's making him angry and unstable – both of which could make him reckless and sloppy.

!!!!! UM. That's. Well then. That's a pretty sickening transformation. Here I thought he'd end up with more of a crystal carapace, but no, this is…. He's a hollowed geode curled around that dark light.

Oooop, yeaaah, and there he goes into the air – Kaladin's domain indeed. Especially with Kaladin so close (yet so far) from the Fourth Ideal, and with far, far more practice in the air, Amaram can't hope to match him.

Daaaaamn, but what an epic sight, Kaladin floating down like a wind spirit himself, the storm still raging in the background, hovering above Amaram as the light of Hatred flickers and fails - “All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.” How very Stoneward of you in that moment, Kal, especially with that parallel between ten spears and ten Heralds.

Aw, shit. Looks like the Fused got smart and brought backup, and now there's barely any Light left for you to fly/heal/Lash with. This is not good.

---

RENARIIIN – HELL YEAH MAN, YOU DID IT

Very good fighting indeed, especially when you're not used to battle – though the technicalities of battle with humanoid enemies is one thing, and going up against a thunderclast is entirely another, you still made it through the adrenaline and the nerves and the fear and you pushed through.

I think it already fears him, Glys; it feared him from the first time it saw him. Also Glys is really excitable and it's adorable.

Huh. So – a 'beacon' of stormlight, and that… did it force the voidspren to flee the thunderclast body and return to the Everstorm, then? I can't imagine that it was a powerful enough light to purge the voidspren into nonexistence, but this scene is a little sketchy on the detail of what the power is/is doing. WE NEED MORE DETAILS, SANDERSON.

Is this an echo of your worries from earlier, back in the temple, Renarin? Or do you mean you saw yourself die in battle – do Truthwatchers have some sort of psuedo-Atium-like ability?

---

...Shallan is Not in a mentally stable right now. Hopefully Jasnah gets there soon because this whole flowing identities thing in the midst of the effort of keeping her illusory army up, that army dying, and the energy drain of the slowly decreasing stormlight is very worrying.

YES thank the heralds there's Jasnah- ooooh, shit, but two of the three Shallans are illusions and the 'Shallan' one isn't her – this is, mmmmmmm… every new paragraph comes with a new name, Radiant to Shallan to Veil and around and around, the personalities not so much bleeding over into one another as flickering, each step accompanied by a different face. This does not bode well. It seemed like she was healing a little in Shadesmar, but this is as bad as if not worse than she's ever been, Veil and Radiant pulled into prominence by the stress.

For all that Jasnah hates teaching, she certainly doesn't hesitate to infodump on Shallan when the opportunity presents itself, even if that opportunity is when they're still in the middle of a battle! This is giving us-the-readers a lot of information on Soulcasting, as well as giving Shallan something to focus on – and it's not like the stream of information is keeping Jasnah from being utterly badass and fending off any Fused that approach, so it's not quite as inopportune as she might believe.

---

'He was… unaccustomed to being able to do things like this. Not only using the Shardblade, but being physical. He'd always been afraid of his fits, always worried that a moment of strength would instantly become a moment of invalidity. Living like that, you leaned to stay back. Just in case.' I'm so, so glad that Renarin's finally getting the chance to step forward and do these things that he's always wanted to do – what is a moment of freezing up in a fit if he can heal from getting smeared by a thunderclast, after all? I don't think its likely that the stormlight 'healed' his epilepsy, though I'd have to wait for a WoB to be sure – but it sounds like the stormlight might be acting as a sort of buffer? idk, I don't know enough about epilepsy to give any kind of informed opinion

All of this sound and activity and frenetic energy sounds like it's playing hell on his nerves, oh man. You've gone through so much today, Renarin, it sounds like you need some serious recharge time after everything's done here.

Uh oh. Yeaaah, a thunderclast was one thing, but twelve small, fast Fused with weapons, and your stormlight running out… that's not something you can face right about now.

OH GOOD they have spanreeds to Urithiru; they're not entirely in the dark about why their forces aren't coming through

[narrows eyes] I'll bet that their inability to contact the Kharbranthians isn't an accident, but not in the way that they're thinking it is.

“There's nobody else.” R e n a r i n. He knows this could mean his death, even with stormlight healing, but then again, when has that ever stopped him? Certainly not in the first book when he tried to charge out, and not in the second when he stepped out into the ring to help his brother. But this time, no one is stopping him. No calls of 'That's not for you. You can't do that. You're not well.' This time, they're seeing Renarin Kholin as the man who can step forward and make a stand.

'Not very noble or brave, now was he?' Hah, it looks like you're one more that doesn't understand the definition of bravery, 'Rin.

Fffffffft, damn, but those stained-glass visions are still the coolest shit. 'These had always been right. Until today – until they had proclaimed that Jasnah Kholin's love would fail.' But it didn't. It didn't, in the greatest middle finger ever to anyone who thinks that Jasnah Kholin cannot feel.

AAAHAHAHAHAHA BOOOM, here come the REINFORCEMENTS. ENDGAME, MOTHERFUCKERS.

---

Shallan is still personality-flickering with no sign of stopping. She needs an anchor of some kind or I feel like this is just going to keep going, and that's. not healthy.

“We're getting too good at pretending.” YEAH, NO SHIT, Y'THINK.

“You don't have to worry. After I rest, I'll recover and settle down to being just one. I actually… actually don't think I'm quite as lost as I was before.” ...okay that's heartening but I'm still worried. That alone isn't gonna stop me worrying.

Oh, great. Looks like the humans aren't the only ones with reinforcements.

---

Yessss, Renarin giving orders like the prince he is! Lopen/B4 following them without a hint of hesitation!

Three shardbearers and two thousand troops? Plus B4 in the air once again and tackling the problem of the Fused? Considering how many of the Sadeas troops have already likely been defeated and the fact that the vast majority of the Singers have absolutely no battle training? It wouldn't be a complete rout, but the tides have turned to where the end outcome is a certainty, I believe.

D u d e, twenty times you healed yourself from getting smacked and/or smushed by that thunderclast-! Hooooly fuck, you're a tank, Renarin.

Carrying an injured Rock all the way down to the Oathgate had to be a trial without stormlight. Good thing they all know how to heave a heavy bridge!

“I think I used up all my Radianting for the day.” I feel you, Renarin. Working the Gate means you'll still be helping but won't be required to interact, and it'll be quieter. Not exactly recharge time, but it's the closest you'll probably get for now.

SUDDEN ROCK HUG. Ahhh, that's a nice thought, Rock, but sudden hugs from not-family prooobably aren't the best thing for Renarin. (Though he does need some time just Being Around his Bridge Four friends for a while, I think.)

'Renarin settled down nearby on some steps, trembling from it all, but grinning anyway.' Good. Even overwhemed and with the city buzzing too-loud around you, you can grin wide. You were awesome today, Renarin, and you deserve every second to bask in that.

---

Lift doesn't seem affected at all by the Thrill, at least from the outside. The Nahel bond can't help guard against its influence, but perhaps her boon/curse from the Nightwatcher can?

You are going to try to capture the Thrill. 'You lure the spren with something it loves.' At least Taravangian gave Dalinar some good advice at least once. And the Thrill… it does love Dalinar, is familiar with him, was probably all but bonded to him during those past years. If anything could tempt the Thrill into that ruby, it's Dalinar.

'“Thank you,” he whispered again to the Thrill, “for giving me the strength when I needed it. … Now, old friend, it is time to rest.” It… it really is amazing to see just how far Dalinar has come, from the first flashback and through the books up until now, and see how it all shaped him, each step of the way, so he could make that decision – and this one – at the crucial point.

---

I'm worried that you're not going to last long enough, Kaladin. Outrunning all those Fused takes power, and you're running out.

[winces] This is just a beatdown, and it's painful to watch. For every step he manages to get ahead, something else rises to take away that clawed-for advantage.

Well, shit. And there's the last of the light.

….except that they're turning tail-? OH, THE THRILL-

But Amaram didn't run. Amethyst-creature that he is now, despite the crack in his gemheart, he's still able to rise and make his way over to the broken, injured Radiant.

'Bridge Four.'

[quiet, internal screaming]

---

Looks like the Rosharans have their own version of '300 Spartans vs the entire Persian army' legend. It doesn't look like they're even going to need the battalion of reinforcements from Urithiru, though, because with the capture of the Thrill, they're collapsing like puppets with cut strings. Some are choosing to stay and some are choosing to split and run with the retreat, though, which. Hmmm. They're not under Unmade influence, but yet they're choosing to go with Odium's forces anyway? I'm actually surprised that there's not more of them that are simply too shell-shocked to move.

And the Everstorm passes as well, its power sucked away – why? Did it take that much energy to stay there in one spot in the first place, or does the removal of Nergaoul and the fleeing of Yelig-nar diminish its power here, or did Odium simply decide that he wasn't going to waste any more of his effort on this battle?

---

GOOD Lopen got light over to Kaladin so he's not lying there suffering from all the pains of his broken body

Haaaaaaaah – Rock broke his vow of pacifism. He'll probably be the next to swear Words, or at least do so soon, I think. We caught a glimpse of the cracks during his POV chapter, and this might well be the tipping point; he killed to protect.

Rock drawing the bow does indeed beg the question of how he did it if stormlight's not enough, and even if he was a Windrunner already, which apparently he's not, gravity and air pressure aren't gonna do squat against a bow's draw weight.

Another scene that needs to be done justice via art – the light breaking through as Dalinar kneels on the stone, the ruby that holds the Thrill (old friend) held gently, Lift resting her hand on his shoulder.

Tears of joy, maybe, but also of relief, and regret, and pain. There's nothing simple about it.