#national penpal day

[murderousink23]

06/01/2023 is International Childrens Day 🧒🌏, ALS Awareness Month 🇨🇦, National Indigenous History Month 🇨🇦, World Milk Day 🥛🌏, World Reef Day 🌏, National Go Barefoot Day 🦶🇺🇲, National Hazelnut Cake Day 🇺🇲, National Heimlich Maneuver Day 🇺🇲, National Penpal Day ✒🇺🇲, National Say Something Nice Day 🇺🇲, Caribbean American Heritage Month 🇺🇲, National Oceans Month 🌊🇺🇲, LGBTQIA Pride Month 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇲, Great Outdoors Month 🇺🇲, Black Music Appreciation Month 🇺🇲, Dairy Month 🐄🐐🐑🇺🇲, National Immigrant Heritage Month 🇺🇲, Volunteers' Week 🇬🇧, Global Day of Parents 👪🇺🇳

[glossysoap]

saudade ; preview

saudade : (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”.

featuring; future poly ghoap x reader!!!!, american! reader referred to as “you”, childhood best friends to lovers, penpal au!, lanyard references at the bottom.

OBVIOUSLY NO MATURE CONTENT UNTIL THEY REUNITE WELL INTO ADULTHOOD (nearing the game timeline). don’t be weird with my AU.

notes: pls note that all of my “preview” stuff are ramblings!! and the actual fic will always be longer, more detailed, and so on! this is just a little treat! 🫶🏻

ok so i know it’s a stretch but imagine that you had 2 penpals when you were a kid and they ended up being kid Simon and kid Johnny?

You tried hard to befriend the two boys, asking them what their favorite colors were, what kinds of food they liked, what did they want to be when they grew up.

When Johnny told you his favorite colors were blue and green, you knit him his own little lanyard and sent it to him with the next letter! Johnny’s little blue eyes lit up when he pulled the blue and green lanyard out of the envelope, immediately running to show his Ma what his new friend made him.

Simon told you that his favorite colors were black and red, and when he carefully pulled out a black and red lanyard from the next letter he received, the corners of his lips pulled up into a rare grin. He treasured that small handmade gift from his best friend, making sure to hide it from his father. Making sure to keep it safe.

You had shared American traditions with the two boys, telling stories about road-trips you went on and your favorite foods. When you went on road-trips to your state capital, your mom had bought you two postcards for you to send to Simon and Johnny.

In your letter to the boys, you included polaroids from the road-trip. From sunsets with hues of orange and purple that you knew Simon would find peace in, to photos you snapped of national parks that you knew Johnny would enjoy.

“I think you would enjoy it here, Simon!” “You would have fun here, Johnny!” You had written in near perfect cursive on the postcards to the boys. You had signed the postcards with a smiley face.

When Simon received your letter for that week, he nearly tore the envelope to shreds trying to open it, he was so excited. He also noticed that the envelope was thicker than usual, like it held something more than just the typical letter. When he opened it, he saw that along with your letter, you had sent a couple of polaroids and a postcard! Simon felt warmth flood his chest as he stared at the pictures that you sent.

One polaroid that stood out to him was the sunset. Somehow you just knew that the warmth of the sunset and the gradient from purple to orange would bring him joy. Maybe you figured that since his home was already so dark, literally and figuratively, that any bit of color would feel nice. His lips quirked up at the gesture.

Johnny was so excited to read your letter, he nearly tripped over his own feet running to his mailbox. Once he opened the envelope, he rifled through the content of it before landing on a few polaroids. You had snapped a few shots of a lush, green forest. Another one was a photo of a vibrant blue lake. You knew that he loved hiking in forests with his large family, taking in the nature and wildlife. You also knew that he loved swimming in lakes as well as fishing. You remembered what he enjoyed so you went out of your way to photograph those same things. His face split into a grin at that realization.

When you received their letters back, you were excited to read that they loved the polaroids you sent them, as well as the postcards. Simon told you that he enjoyed the serenity of the sunset and that he hopes to share it with you one day. Johnny wrote that he was touched you’d remembered those small details of his life, let alone that you would capture photos to honor those hobbies of his. He wrote to you that he hopes to hike the trails of Scotland with you someday, when both of you are grown up.

Over the next few years, you kept in touch with the boys as best you could — still sending letters twice a month with the occasional picture, postcard or trinket.

The three of you had moved up in grades. Simon and Johnny had progressed to year 13, their version of senior year in high school. You on the other hand, had progressed faster than the boys. You had progressed traditionally to sophomore year, before skipping junior year due to your great grades, and landing in senior year.

When graduation approached, you decided to send a picture of yourself to the boys in one of your letters. You wanted them to have something to remember you by, just in case you lost touch with them after graduation. Especially after finding out their plans to enlist in their respective militaries.

Little did you know that across the world, Simon and Johnny were blushing as they admired that polaroid of you. They couldn’t believe that their penpal looked like this, this good, this whole time?

Their crushes for you only blossomed over time. Unfortunately though, just before you started med school, you were mugged in the busy city you had moved to, losing your phone and number along with it. It was years until they heard from you again.

As you pursued your career as a surgeon, attending med school and working impossible hours, they were attending basic training.

Years later, you were now a decorated surgeon with (specialty of your choice) at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle, Washington. You had garnered awards for medical miracles and articles written in your honor.

Simon was now a Lieutenant with loads more trauma than he had as a child, with a skull mask to match. Only Simon didn’t get to keep his lanyard that you made him, as his dad had found it one day and burned it.

Johnny was now a Sergeant, still doodling in his notebook and carrying around the blue and green lanyard that you made him.

Your fellow surgeon, Dr. Hunt, was a decorated trauma surgeon with a past as military surgeon. He had mentioned you in passing to an old friend of his, Captain John Price. Not too soon later, your phone was buzzing with calls from both Price and Laswell with proposals to become 141’s new surgeon. With promises of good money and living conditions on their own base.

You couldn’t help but accept, especially looking at all those zeroes on that contract.

Once you arrived on base, Price and Laswell thought it was necessary to introduce you to the team.

They all lined up in the conference room, waiting for Price and Laswell to arrive.

Simon and Johnny’s eyes instantly gravitated to you once you set foot in the conference room. You looked so familiar to their childhood friend —even if you seemed older, they just couldn’t shake it. The way you smiled shyly under all of the attention was so reminiscent of that polaroid you sent them all of those years ago.

“Boys, this is Doctor (First Name/Last Name), they will be our new surgeon. Effective immediately.” Price introduced.

Simon and Johnny’s eyes couldn’t have widened more.

©️ glossysoap 2024. please do not steal, copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my works without my permission. do not steal any elements of my theme without permission.

lanyard example:

[fkinavocado]

in which you try to shake off your insecurities and plan a surprise picnic for your loving boyfriend; he reminds you just how amazing he thinks you are, his love silencing the mean voice inside your head (penpal!harry, photographer!harry, chubby!y/n, lhh)

A wish come true- Masterlist, Author’s Note & Warnings

Through the viewfinder / alternatively, read on wattpad

Greedy bunny (word count: 4k)

It was a nice day out, and you decided to surprise your boyfriend with an impromptu picnic. You knew he had a short day at work, what with it being Friday and all, and so you packed your little basket along with a blanket and everything you needed and took a cab to his company’s studio. 

You were going to drive to the picnic spot in his car (you didn’t have one and was frankly scared of the prospect of driving, so you didn’t even want one), since it was a remote place the two of you had accidentally found while you wandered off in a national park one day while on your bicycles. You’d spotted that cute little clearing in the forest and you both agreed that would make a perfect spot for a picnic one day.

You knew Harry would admonish you for carrying all the stuff to his work instead of having him come to pick you up from home directly, but that would’ve ruined the surprise factor. And you loved surprising him. You loved seeing his eyes sparkle with joy. Harry was such an expressive man, you never tired of watching him. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He never held back.

The basket was indeed quite heavy, but you were sure to pack everything Harry liked. Despite his appearance, he had quite the appetite. He was just naturally fit, his fast metabolism seemed to burn all those calories as though they were nothing, and he did work out a lot as well, but he didn’t overdo it. You loved the bit of pudge he’d put on his lovehandles sometimes. Made him look adorable.

You, on the other hand… well, you weren’t so lucky. You were always very careful with what you ate, counted your calories, went spinning, even did some yoga- but you were just always on the curvier side. A bit chubby, is how you’d have best described yourself. No matter how well you tried to balance your diet and exercise, you still could not slim down enough to fit your ideal standard. Maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for you.

Harry, however, loved your body, and he didn’t shy away from letting you know just how much. It had taken you by surprise. He could’ve had anyone he wanted; personality aside- he looked amazing, and could have had his pick at anyone. You’d not have expected him to be attracted to you. Guys like him normally went for similar body types- models, dancers, fitness enthusiasts, etc. But he’d somehow settled for you, and you could never wrap your head around why that was. 

At first you thought maybe he was just drawn to you because of your bond from all those years back. Finding eachother after a decade since you’d been penpals in school without having met had been such an amazing experience! At first you thought to yourself, he was just being nice. Then, you thought he was just experimenting maybe, and that surely once he got to see you naked he’d run for the hills. 

It’d taken you a long while to fully open up to him, partially because of your insecurities, and partially because of your lousy experience with your ex who had treated you badly. You didn’t want to lose Harry, you’d grown very attached to him in the 2 months you’d been dating, and you were scared to blow it all off once you’d finally have sex.

But then you took the plunge and it’d left you completely speechless. Not only had it solidified your relationship, bringing you impossibly closer, but he’d not ran for the hills- on the contrary. He seemed to be quite literally obsessed with your body ever since. 

It’d been another 3 months since you first slept together and Harry was insatiable. He couldn’t get enough of you. He made you feel incredible- so wanted and cherished, and most of all- loved. You’d shared your feelings for eachother on that same night those 3 months back and he proved to you every day since just how much he meant them.

It’d been a major confidence boost. Harry knew everything about you, seen every square inch of you, and never once did he make you feel insecure about your body when you were in his arms. When you were by yourself, however, you still slipped into your old mindset, was still mean to yourself and disliked certain aspects of your appearance, but when he was around, that voice inside your head was silenced and was replaced by all the words of praise Harry would shower you with.

He had no reason to lie to you. He had no reason to stick around. And the way he was physically responding to you proved without a shadow of a doubt just how attracted to you he truly was. 

You’d been shy at first, but under his constant praise and encouragement you’d let go of any inhibitions with him in the bedroom. You truly felt beautiful and sexy and acted accordingly, because you believed it when you were with him. 

When you were alone, though… that was a different story.

You didn’t know if Harry knew about your insecurities. You’d never discussed them with him. You’ve had friends laugh at you when you’d shared them with them, telling you it was all in your head. Telling you you were way too harsh on yourself. And you knew, in theory, that they were right. You were not overweight by any medical standard, you were healthy, and active, and you did try and eat as clean as you could, you just… weren’t the way you were brainwashed to think you had to look to be beautiful. The way all the magazines, movies, tv shows portrayed how a young woman should look. You weren’t a model by a long shot. And you were starting to recognize that it was alright. Every body type was beautiful. Every shape and size. People had different tastes in partners for a reason. If everyone looked the same then it would’ve been incredibly boring.

You’d planned this picnic for a while, and had had a particular summer dress in mind for it all along. Yet, when you put it on that morning you felt as though it was hugging you in all the wrong places. You’d worn it before, but this time you just weren’t feeling like you looked that good in it. You were having one of those days where you were just bloated for no reason, and nothing fit right. You weren’t about to call the whole thing off just because of that, though. So you told yourself you were being unnecessarily harsh on yourself, and finished getting everything ready for the picnic.

You’d baked a cheesecake and packed some fresh homemade mint lemonade in cute glass containers, and as for savory goodies you’d made some caprese sandwiches with pesto sauce, as well as some pineapple salsa and guacamole dips to go with some store-bought tortilla chips and french baguette. Harry loved all of these and would probably scarf most of it down, and you were happy to have a taste of anything which would already go well beyond your daily calorie intake. Watching him eat with such joyous abandon would be the biggest treat, though. You were glad you could make him happy with your cooking, he particularly enjoyed anything you made with your own two hands as a labor of love for him. It was a rare treat, since you tried to avoid temptations and rarely cooked goodies. So you knew he would be a happy boy today.

All those goodies however made for a heavy basket. You’d initially planned on riding your bike to his studio, but you couldn’t secure it in a way that wouldn’t tilt you over. Not to mention you had to bring the blanket along too. So, cab it was.

Feeling a bit silly to be hauling the basket and blanket into the elevator, you also didn’t trust to leave the goodies with the security guy in the lobby. The last thing you needed was for someone to sample the goods before your boyfriend did the honors. 

When you reached the 17th floor, you were immediately thrown into Harry’s everyday life as a photographer for his company. You’d been to some of their other locations they used for shootings before, but never the main studio. It was loud, music was blasting as though you’d just entered a nightclub, and the lights were pretty dim too. Lots of people roaming around but your eyes inadvertently went to the big canvas that was set up in the middle, with two models posing center stage. Fans were positioned around them to blow their hair away from their faces, and to create flow within the fabric they wore. Which was- incidentally- very scarce.

They were probably doing an advert for swimsuits, because that’s what they were wearing, one of the models also had a chiffon wrap around her waist but it was definitely see-through.

The bikinis might as well have been see-through. They were practically naked with how little the bathing suits were covering.

Legs that went on for miles, shimmery, golden, perfectly unblemished skin, amazing bone structure, just the right amount of curves, plump lips, impeccable hair and makeup… these girls were drop dead gorgeous. 

Models.

Nothing you hadn’t seen before all your life, yet, seeing it unfold up close, and the behind the scenes was captivating. Nobody actually looks like that - is what you kept hearing. Airbrushed photos, photoshop, filters, etc. Then how come you were looking at them and there they were- looking absolutely flawless from head to toe? Was that just something normal people told themselves to feel better? 

But something snapped you out of your train of thought- and that was none other than your boyfriend’s voice. He was chewing gum, you could hear it in his voice, that air of nonchalance it gave it- and was behind the camera that was set on a tripod, conducting that photoshoot. Telling the models how to pose, where to move their limbs, how to tilt their heads. 

“Perfect! Great, more of that!... Beautiful! Now look straight ahead- both of you. Gorgeous.”

You felt a pang of jealousy you never knew was humanly possible. 

You knew this was Harry’s job- knew it all along. Knew he was hired by his company to conduct all sorts of photoshoots. Some even more risqué than this one for sure. He’d done nude sessions as well, he’d told you as much. It was his job. And you thought you’d been ok with the idea of it. You’d imagined all those instances in your mind’s eye and you knew he was being professional and was just doing a job, at the end of the day.

But it was an entirely different thing seeing it unfold before your very eyes. Somehow, even though this was exactly how you’d been imagining it, give or take a few details, it made you feel ridiculous for ever believing you could be good enough for him.

He was exposed to these perfect people, up close, day in, day out, and somehow you were meant to believe he would choose someone like you to be attracted to?! When he very clearly belonged to this world instead. The world of flawless, insanely attractive people. Whereas you… were average, at best.

“Did anyone order takeaway?”

You were once again snapped back to reality, but by a different voice this time, one of a person by your side, wearing earpods and eyeing your basket curiously.

“Oh, no, I’m just here for my– for Harry.”

“Harry…? Oh, Styles?”

“Yeah?” your boyfriend shouted from behind the lense, without averting his attention from his task at hand.

“There’s someone here for you. Little red riding hood.”

You blushed furiously at the person’s little quip at your attire. It wasn’t even red. 

Harry pulled back from the camera and his eyes immediately landed on you. No doubt you stuck out like a sore thumb.

He hopped off of his little barstool and sprinted towards you “That makes me the big, bad wolf then!” he grinned, taking you into his arms and kissing you without hesitance. “Fuck, bunny, what a pleasant surprise, eh? Is that for me?” he gestured toward the basket and picked it up from next to you “Owh, what’d you pack in there!? What’s all this, then?”

You didn’t even get to wiggle a word in, he was already going through the basket, his eyes widening and his grin spreading all across his handsome face “Fuck me. How am I supposed to finish this shoot? I wanna dive right in!”

“Well, you can’t.” you pulled the basket away earning a whine of protest from him which made you smile “We’re going for a picnic just as soon as you wrap up, though.”

His eyes lit up, just like you’d imagined they would when you were getting everything ready “We are?” you barely got to nod when he bent and kissed you, again and again making you giggle and almost drop the basket on the floor.

“Yes! Now behave. Go do your thing and I’ll wait.”

He fished his phone out of his pocket and then looked around for a second “Nah. It’s like 10 minutes to go, anyway. I think we got all we needed.” he then resumed his tone from earlier, shouting so everyone heard “That’s a wrap up, everyone. Good job. We’ll get in touch.”

“Oh– okay? I could’ve waited, though?”

“Nonsense” he put his arm around your shoulders and after nodding his goodbyes to a few people around, he guided you back to the elevator, making sure to take the basket back away from you.

*

The ride to the national park was nice, Harry had told you about an upcoming project he’d been assigned the following week, and he seemed really excited to get started on it on Monday. You tried to listen, but all you could think about was the seemingly parallel universe Harry was living in when he wasn’t with you. You couldn’t get that whole atmosphere from inside there out of your head. He kept his hand on your knee, squeezing it from time to time, no doubt to make sure you were paying attention.

You made your way to that clearing you’d stumbled upon a while back, happy to have found it just as nice as the first time around “Ah, this is perfect for a picnic, lovey. I’m so glad we’re doing this. Perfect way to end the week.”

You placed the blanket in a perfect spot and then sat down, with Harry not wasting a moment longer before unpacking the basket. He looked like he was unwrapping Christmas gifts, making excited noises for every little thing he fished out of there “You made all these yourself, bunny?”

“Well, except for the tortilla chips and the baguette.”

He groaned enthusiastically, leaning over “Kissy?” you smiled and pecked his lips “You’re amazing. I’m starving. Do you mind if we dig in?”

You giggled at how truly impatient he seemed “Have at it baby, it’s all for you.”

He kissed you once more, more like an audible wet smooch before going right for the sandwiches first. You handed him his glass bottle of mint lemonade and explained how you didn’t wanna bring any plastic single use cutlery. You could just take turns eating everything right out of the tupperware you’d packed them in and drink straight out of the bottles. It was finger food anyway. 

“No baby, I can’t have any more, you finish them” you pushed the cookies back towards him, the same way you’d done with all of the things you’d packed. He kept trying to go 50/50 but there was no way you could eat as much as him. You were so full you felt you could pop. 

“But you barely touched them! Come on, lovey. For me?”

You laughed, pushing his hand away that was making its way toward you with a chocolate chip cookie in tow “Nuh-huh babe. I’m full, seriously. I’m about to burst out of this dress as it is.”

He lowered his eyes toward your cleavage and hummed appreciatively “Hmm. I’ve noticed. You won’t hear me complaining.”

“I meant my belly, you perv.”

He leaned over and placed his head in your lap, snuggling into your body. You wasted no time and began playing with his long hair “I love your soft tummy. If I weren’t scared I’d crush you I’d sleep like this all the time. Plus it gives me easy access to other goodies” he snaked his hand under your dress’ hem and you gasped, slapping his hand away.

“Bad boy!” 

“I know… I’m real bad.” he caught your hand and redirected it to his crotch, pressing your palm firmly against his very evident hard-on, making you gasp even louder “Yeah? Can’t help it when my sweet girl looks so fucking good. Good enough to eat. You’re my dessert.” he resumed his ascent underneath your dress till he reached your crotch. You had your legs pressed together, and he lifted his head up from your lap a bit to push them apart slightly, enough to grant him access before resting it over your thighs again.

“You… already had dessert.” you were already a bit breathless in anticipation. 

“I love your baking, bunny, I really do. But this is what I’m really craving. Gonna be a good girl and let me have a taste?”

You watched him from underneath heavy lids, his eyes were hooded and his pupils had dilated considerably. He finally snaked his middle finger between your legs, hooking your panties and pulling them to the side, then pressed it right between your folds before pushing it inside you ever so slowly. His mouth fell agape watching you whimper at his gentle intrusion, and you nodded your head, granting him permission.

He groaned, pulling away from your lap and going in for a kiss, without removing his finger from inside you. When he pushed his tongue into your mouth he added another finger inside as well, placing his thumb over your clit too.

You moaned loudly and he smiled against your lips “There’s my dirty girl. Here we are in broad daylight, anyone could hear you or walk by and see you let me do these things to you. And you love it, don’t you bunny?”

You nodded, looking at how fucked out of his mind he looked. You couldn’t remember anything from moments earlier about feeling insecure in your body. The way he was looking at you and touching you made you feel amazing in your skin.

“Then lie back for me and let me eat that pretty pussy, hm?” 

You did as instructed and he took off your flimsy panties, pushing your dress up and leaning in for another kiss while he searched for your g-spot again. He knew your body like the palm of his hands, so when you started mewling again he began kissing down your neck “That’s it. Wanna hear you, pretty girl. Show me how much you love it.”

He brought his other hand to the front of your dress and undid the bow at your cleavage, loosening up the fabric there, and then pulled one of the straps over your shoulder and groaned when your boob spilled out to the side. He caught your nipple in his mouth, sucking greedily and speeding up his fingers inside you. You could only hear birds chirping, some insects buzzing and the squelching sounds he was making plunging in and out of your soaked pussy.

“Harry!”

“I know, bunny. Come on my fingers so I can clean you up, lap you up till you spill again on my tongue. Come on. Give it to me.”

“Fuck, fuck!” your thighs shook violently, pushing his hand away.

“That’s a good girl! My best girl.” he pushed his soaked fingers into your mouth “Greedy bunny!” he chuckled teasingly when you sucked his fingers into your mouth clean “I was just giving you a taste, it’s all for me. This, I’m not sharing.” 

He didn’t waste a second longer plunging his face between your sticky thighs “Fuck lovey, you made a mess! Mmmm” he hummed, sucking your clit into his wet mouth “Best fucking pussy.” he squeezed the back of your thighs, pressing his rings into your flesh. You were sure they were gonna leave indents. You loved when he did that, loved seeing the aftermath of your lovemaking.

And his mind seemingly went to the same visual “Gonna look at those marks on those beautiful thighs when I fuck into you from behind as soon as we get back to yours. Can’t fucking wait.”

“I can’t wait that long!” you whined.

He pushed your knees to your chest and slapped your ass before dipping his tongue inside you, making you cry out “Yes you will. Little tease, came into my work looking like that, made me drive all the way up here hard as a rock. Could barely enjoy what you prepped for us, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on your gorgeous body.”

“Harry!’

“Shush, bunny.” he slapped your ass again “Gimme another one and then we’ll go back to yours and I’ll teach you not to tease me like that again. But not here. Cause I can’t promise I’d be able to stop if someone really did walk in on us.

“Oh God…”

“Look at you gushing at the thought of that… dirty girl… you like that idea, don’t you?” he kept alternating between licking and rubbing at your clit with his thumb lazily “Like to show people what you do to me. Like to claim what’s yours. Is that why you came into the studio today, wearing this flimsy little thing? Wanna make sure everyone gets the memo, that I’m taken? Could hardly keep my hands off of you in front of everybody.”

“Fuck, baby…” 

“Yeah? You know I’m right. And I love it. I love you. That’s it, you’re close again. Lemme have it, lovey, I need to get us home and bury myself inside you… Need you so bad” he pressed himself into the blanket, trying to ease the ache at least a tiny bit, moaning against you as he did so and that’s what sent you over the edge. He coaxed every little spasm out of you, and after kissing you thoroughly, he began putting everything away back inside the basket as you came down from your high.

You used a napkin to clean up a bit, then Harry helped you up and slapped your ass through the dress “Come on pretty. We got some traffic to beat. Sure wish you had a license right about now, I can barely walk let alone press pedals.”

You felt bad for Harry for having to drive with blue balls all the way back home. But he did bring it on himself, as much as he liked blaming it all on you and your apparently provocative getup. And to think you felt unattractive putting it on earlier in the day. You were now glowing. Radiating confidence in your own skin. You felt good, desired, appreciated. Harry truly made you feel like you were… beautiful. 

You were back on the road and knowing there was a long stretch before you got off the highway, you leaned over the center console, palming his crotch and finding him just as hard as before.

Harry whined “Bunny, stop it, yeah? Gonna get us killed.”

“Just keep your eyes on the road” you whispered into his ear before kissing down his neck and pulled him out of his skinny jeans, with quite a bit of effort since they were virtually glued to him especially in this state.

“Fuck!!”

“Mhm. I know baby… God, you’re ready to burst. Tell me when you’re close so we don’t make a mess, hm? Gonna swallow it all. Just like the greedy bunny I am.”

A/N: i missed this verse SO much! they're just so special to me! hope you enjoyed their silly love and hope you always remember to be kind to yourselves! ❤️

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[grub-s]

i have this mostly organised kitchen to wake up to and a beautiful book to read (foreign bodies: pandemics, vaccines and the health of nations) with a soda water and a celebratory half-glass of chardonnay after i nursed two beers all afternoon. george is laying next to me and i have no plans tomorrow other than the rest of the dishes and then flicking and spinning up 13 gm of worsted merino staples to a high-twist fine single to ply with the bobbin i did the the other day and writing a letter to my long-neglected penpal. happy days ! capricorn season rocks in the southern hemisphere 🌞

[hel-phoenyx]

"I want to learn politics."

The face of her mother is blank. Her father, right next to her, throws her an encouraging look, while her second mother looks at the Queen of the Divine Mandate, axiety filling her eyes.

She knows what she asked is huge. A mountain to climb for her and for Lina, a lifetime of hate and paranoïa to unlearn. But it is necessary.

You don't prepare for a kingdom's succession while sitting idly studying what little was salvaged from the Ragnarök. You don't assure prosperity tranfering the power to a brother who didn't even wanted to reign, and is now locked away in his own heart and grief.

Her mother knows what she's asking.

This is not about learning how to rule a kingdom.

Not only.

"You want to study how to be a queen."

"Yes. Please listen to me before shutting me up, mom, she interjects as Lina was about to speak. The royal library is almost entirely destroyed, and your reign is already exceptional enough. Korrin doesn't want the throne and frankly, he isn't made for this. We reached peace, but now we have to maintain it and there is too little info on how to counter so many types of crisis the new government exposes us to. I know how to find the intel. And I know where."

"Ink Republic."

That wasn't a question.

She could recognize that sour face on her mother's traits anywhere. That was the one she has seen in a mirror everyday since she was born. She knows from who she was born, and how to convince her.

She also knows this is not enough.

"I am not sending you to... Him."

"Lina honey, objected her father. This is not about an old fight. Redemane I would understand, kind of, but nobody in the kingdom knows where your hate towards Faloi stems from. And he is the best teacher she could hope for."

"Hate..."

Lina's face twisted.

"This is not about hate. You don't know anything about that man."

"Then talk to me."

He walked towards her. Hands open. Only worry on his ever-juvenile face.

"Talk to me, Lina. Please."

That was enough to shut her up. Because, as a lot of people learnt the hard way, Lina the Ist Frosilaen never would talk about what she saw.

She sighed.

"Would he even teach her ? From what I know, we didn't assess how deep Adam ran his teachings into him. And Adam hated us."

"I am as for a month penpals with him, interjected the princess. He expressed nothing but joy at the idea. Of course, I still consider the possibility it would be a trap to bring to him the head of the heiress, but I think I can be well-prepared enough for such kinds of traps."

A little smile grew on her lips.

"I am, after all, Lina Frosilaen's proud daughter. If I can survive the H.A.R.D.I, I can survive a grouchy cousin, dont'cha think?"

Her mother gaver her back her smile.

"Touché. And I would be stupid to underestimate you. Alright, if you are hellbent on going, then go. But I want monthly reports and letters, and if I get only the hint he raised his hand on you, you come back here immediatly and I break every diplomatic treaties he's currently trying to make me sign."

"I think that's fair enough of a condition, laughed Baku. No one would risk the wrath of the one who lead the four nations to victory against a Worm."

"Does that mean you're leaving soon ? Interjected Shera. Baku, we should bake some goods for her to bring to Ink Republic ! Oh, and say hi to my cat, if he's still alive, she laughed. And to Faloi, too! And, and-"

She was cut in the middle of her sentence by a stern look from the queen, who concluded the meeting by dismissing the princess with a move of the end. Positively overjoyed to have obtained what she came here for, she didn't protest. The modalities of her departure would be organisez soon enough. The Traveller blood in her veins made that very easy.

This was one of the last days princess Lamia Frosilaen-Claro would spend at the Divine Mandate's castle.

***

Her arrival was annonced with the reverence due to a princess, but Lamia still was surprised at that respect to protocol. From his letters, Faloi seemed to be a very anti-monarchy man, something she could respect to a certain extent; adding to this the state of Ink Republic and you'd get a combo where giving respect to princesses would be nearly impossible.

And yet, even though she came alone, without guards or maids, she was recognised and treted with nothing less but utmost respect. This was... Nice.

The guard that led her to Faloi's office bowed before knocking, announcing her. She was a bit surprised by the use of "cousin" except of "foreign princess", but said nothing. An interaction can teach a lot about a man's true feelings, and if Lina feared Faloi would not recognize her family with the same zeal than an uncle she never knew, that fact melted like snow with the use of that epithet.

She didn't have time to mull this over, though. Faloi, after a second of silence, instricted her to come in, and she did, using all her observation power to record what Ink Republic has to offer.

President's office was not that different from the Queen's. Books everywhere, reports she can only assume to be top'secret, and in the middle of the room, a desk covered in documents, that a blonde man with long hair was reading with utmost care.

She never saw Faloi Frosilaen in person. Her mother was hellbent on never letting him on the Divine Mandate ever again. So she was, in a way, picturing a man with the same hair of her mother, jet-black, and the same hard traits. A vision that quickly shattered when he lifted his head.

There was no Frosilaen in his face. He was fair-skinned, yes, but not to Lina's extent, and his cheeks were covered in worry wrinkles. His traits were soft, more of a woman's than a man's, but she could still see the strenght and the magic hidden behind that apprent softness.

The only thing common with her mother, she noticed, were the bags under his pink eyes.

He stood up, and held his hand open in front of her. She shook it.

His hands were carrying so much strenght she suddenly wasn't so sure about being able to take on "the grouchy cousin".

"Welcome, Lamia. Have a seat, have a seat. I was almost finished."

"Many thanks. What is that ?"

She pointed the book he was reading, now with a page tore down, marked with the seal of the President. Faloi frowned.

"One of the many laws of that country we must absolish. If you must, consider this book is the first of about thirty."

Lamia laughed.

"Considering the utterly ridiculous size of Ink City, I concur the laws are of the same level."

"You have no idea. Ink Ciry is for a lot of people, the God's Haven, bur for me, this is nothing but an administrative nightmare."

"And I do know a lot about nightmares considering my dad's side of the family, she laughed again. Still, I didn't expect that nickname. You see a lot of gods these days ?"

"My... Well, Love comes by often. Coming in to... "repair the mistakes of her predecessor". Death also pays us a visit from time to time. The others are strangely mute."

Not surprising for Lamia. She witnessed firsthand the whole cosmogony's revolution, with the Worm almost eating two members of the Supreme Council and one of the Four Horseknights. Moon still was recovering at Wake'li, apparently following Love's example at Ink City. No one heard about Disease since the death of her Avatar.

Universe's whole return probably is the cause of such a silence. but she knew better that to instruct Faloi of the implications of such a change. She just shrugged at the intel.

"Well, we don't have it any better. I wouldn't be too surprised if I was you. Except Desire, not many gods come by often, and Moon chose to recover in the Mandate. The others observe the same silence. Eithe rthe Ragnarök affected prayer transmission, or Universe's return makes them too afraid."

"That is a vaid possibility indeed. But let's drop the chit-chat and talk about something more serious."

he closed the book and towered around Lamia, far enoigh to not make her feel threatened, but close enough for her to feel his genuine curiosity.

"Your letter didn't help me much about what you were searching for. I can understand the sparse resources in the Mandate, but why call for me, specifically ? Even though I am in the middle of diplomatic treaties with the Four and most of all the Mandate, I am still a foreign dirigeant, and I thought your mother's hate was shared by all the royal family."

There was something in his words Lamia coudn't quite pinpoint. Was it loneliness ? Or sadness, maybe. A secret hope for an anwser that would satisfy him behind utmost professionalism. Something normal people probably could not even detect, considering the banality of Faloi's tone.

She didn't know if what she was seeing was from her imagination, her observation abolities, or if her father's power on fear detection passed more on her than she thought. But no matter, the best diplomacy choice would be to play along and tell him part of the truth. As much for trust than to put him at ease with her.

"Mom's uneasiness with Adam's lineage is well-known but not shared. Furthermore, she is as overwhelmed with work as you, but said work is less varied. I figured you would give me a better field teaching, and at the same time help improve our diplomatic relationships in a fluid way rather than with treaties. I will take the throne at some point, after all."

A pale smile grew on Faloi's lips.

"And so you decided to come learn under the dirigeant with the most political problems the whole continent has ever seen. Quite audacious if I can be frank with you."

Lamia flashed him the same smile.

"Well, better get every experience there is, don't you think ?"

***

If anyone asked her, Lamia would say was acclimating quite well to Ink Republic. Learning everything she could and finding herself in her element, during a very eventful stay. And for the most part, that was true. She was enjoying herself a lot during the months she spent in Ink City.

After all, there are no better teachings that discovering three coups, dismantling one and finding herself on the verge of being assassinated two times.

She already recruited one of the assassins, and got herself intel in places Faloi wouldn't even be able to check. Her cousin, she learnt, wasn't as keen on listening what prostitutes had to say than her. Not because of some sort of contempt, but more because showing his face in a brothel would be the death of his career.

She, on the other hand, was playing around the whole frivolous princess image the deputies had of her. Showing claws only when necessary, quickly she built herself the image of the idiot that can't understand what she's listening, only thinking of sheer pleasure.

People that saw her bare fangs are now dead.

So yes, she was enjoying herself quite a lot. that is, until she noticed.

Lamia is and always has been an observant woman. She knew what people thought of her in a whim, and what man to fear or what other to disregard. She knew how to assess power and influence of anyone she talked to, or what are the signs of intelligence she should pay attention to. But she knew nothing about love.

Nothing, except the longing looks Korrin would give her when Aelie's subject came on the table, on one of their countless calls. Nothing, but how her mother found happiness in her husband and wife, the laughs and the hugs and the kisses. They found both happiness and suffering in love, something she was stranger to.

Well, the most accurate term was "romantic love". Something she never lived for herself, and something Faloi seemed to be placed under.

She noticed the first incongruities in his behaviour when she came by. Chifuniro Eccesias, Genos's Director. Apparently a technological utopia, buiuld on intelligence and innovations, values that Lamia could respect. She knew enough to know better, though.

Daughter of a black mage, the treatment of her father's species made her blood boil the first time she read about them, and that allowed her to see how that utopia was rotten to the core.

Rotten apples always make people sick. She was afraid to see how Faloi was biting it nevertheless.

This was not voluntary. Just some things she noticed from time to time. Faloi's strange forgetfulness everytime he saw her, something she apparently was a stranger to. The easiness she was able to put in many reforms that were beneficial to her. Some looks she was giving to her President, looks that were shared.

That got bad enough to warrant an emergency meeting.

"This is not like you, she started. You are holding just fine, but I got used to absolute perfection coming from you. Maybe it's just an impression, but I'd better adress the problem before it becomes dire."

He nodded.

"I think I see what you mean. Me, too, I can see I am not as efficient as usual when it comes to that woman. But the "why" is a mystery to me."

"Oh, I can explain to you just fine. You're in love."

"I'm in.... what ?"

"You're in love. Congrats, cousin, she laughed in front of his astounded expression. Apparently work didn't kill that part of you."

"That sass is hash but fair. I didn't think I would ever have time to... Well. Fall in love."

"She is quite lovely. And a woman of your tastes, added Lamia with a little wink. I am quite fond of her peace reforms, and you two would work together just fine..."

Her face went serious again.

"... If she wasn't the leader of a country before under your tutelage, trying to wring you of every privilege she can. Please be careful."

She meant it.

***

Seeing the execution of a traitor didn't bring her as much joy as she believed at first.

Of course she was expecting Chifuniro to betray them. She saw the whole guild of Snakes ordeal unfold almost in front of her very eyes. But Faloi had been a little too much blinded by emotion. Just a little. And this is what it brought him.

The head of Chifuniro went rolling at their feet. Followed the ones of the leaders of the guild, the ones who tried to put the Seraphims back in power. Everything went back to the usual tension, as fine as Ink Republic could be.

Shifahrad's tail was moving very fast next to her. She was nervous, and rightfully so. The snakes were her first emplyers before Lamia took her under her wing, and seeing their ending would not help her uneasiness. Thinking that all this, the example they made of them, would have been done to her had she not eccapted the princess open hand does that to people.

Lamia was aware of that. But what was occupying her thoughts the most was Faloi's tired expression.

"it was the good decision, she said. You made an example of her. She herself understood it at her very last moments. No Genosian is stupid enough to not know when they lost."

"I know. And I don't... Regret, in a way. But still..."

"I can imagine it hurts, yeah. And you hate how it does nevertheless."

Faloi nodded.

"Bull's eye. Observant as ever."

"I learnt from the best."

Shifahrad laughed. A little, empty laugh. Probably she was aware, if not sharing, the hollowness living in her employers' head right now.

Lamia extended her hand. Putting it on her cousin's shoulder.

"You know, Faloi, considering what you shared during those years, you have a right to feel hurt."

"I have no time to regret a traitor."

"You have time to regret a woman that loved you and that you loved. Please don't let work take that away from you."

But she could see in his eyes it was too late.

A little laugh escaped his lips. Empty.

"Lamia Frosilaen-Claro lecturing me on feelings as she is an emotion guru..."

"Oh com'on, I am not that emotionless."

"You're no better than me, though. Sadly there is no time left for me to prove it, is there ?"

Inded there was not. Lamia's stay was coming to an end, her departure planned for the day after the execution. She had been too estranged of her own kingdom for too long, and her return was the perfect occasion to put Lynthe to safety. She couldn't postpone it for the sake of her cousin. Even if this was the worst time to leave him alone.

"Sadly yes. But knowing mother, she will be all-too-happy to give me all the diplomatic missions now. I'll be back soon enough."

It semmed for a moment he wanted to say something. Something stuck in his throat for a long time. But Lamia waited, and silence was her only answer. Up until Faloi shrugged, still looking at the execution site with empty eyes.

"That's a good thing. Say my salutations to Lina for me. If she even eccepts them."

***

It had been almost twenty years since that conversation. Nevertheless, when Lamia entered the President's office, it seemed like the last time she was truly alone with him was yesterday.

Faloi hadn't changed much. He got older, compared to her who didn't even get a wrinkle. More tired, too, but that was to be expected. Almost fifty years of leading Ink Republic and he couldn't even throw an election like he so ardently wished to.

His face still lit up a little when she came up unannouced in his office.

"Lamia, it is good to see you."

"Likewise. The years didn't treat you well, but I am happy to see you in somewhat good health."

Faloi smiled a little bit, but his next reply was cut with a very annoyed voice coming from behind Lamia.

"Apologies for the unpoliteness, but this is no time for a tea party. We have a whole fucking problem on our arms, for fuck's sake."

Lamia huffed. Ever so polite, father.

Faloi was hoverwer not destabilised. He got up and went to shake Baku's hand with a polite nod.

"Your Majesty. Thank you for coming in such a short notice."

"There is absolutely no problem. We kinda need all help we can to deal with that menace of a twin, don't we ?"

His tone was polite, but cold. Lamia didn't know if it was caused by Faloi himself or the menace they were here to talk about.

Faloi didn't let that go unnoticed. His tension in the shoulders, relaxed when he thought only Lamia was in the room, was proof of that. But then again, it could be due to both personal grudges or the inherent fear born from the sight of a nightmare harbinger.

"Right. Akira. I am not gonna beat around the bush, we are gonna need your expertise. Nightmare harbingers are not enough known in Ink Republic, especially that one. Yet, they are powerful enough to destroy Genos's main library..."

He went tense at Genos' mention.

"... And many others. Rumor has it they even managed to control Beleco for a time gods know how."

"I have my ideas knowing Beleco's whole structure, grunted Baku, but carry on. They're coming to Ink City, are they?"

"Yes. We need to stop them before they reach the city. And put an end to their life, if possible. I already gathered all the clerics and my army, but we have to cover the whole city, and we will need to know the best strategy to defeat him. Maybe Nru... ?"

"Forget about Nru, cut Baku, harsh. She has the ideal Domain against Immortals such as myself, but would be too slow to react. They would kill her instantly, and painfully."

Faloi nodded.

"This is what I feared. The problem is, we're out of options."

"Not quite."

Smiling coldly, Baku pulled out a huge book from his bag, marked at a very precise page.

"This is an extract of the workings of the first magister magicae. One, as we call him in history, had encountered Immortals in his research, and designed a spell able to block their regeneration."

"That would be.... Ideal, in fact. What are the drawbacks ?"

New cold smile. Lamia was looking at her father silently, jauging the anger in his behaviour. No, that was definitely not Faloi causing this. More like, the situation they were in.

In retrospective, she could get why.

"At least you're not as idiot as I feared. The major drawback would be that it's a very long spell to cast, count around five minutes. We would need to keep them in the same place for the duration of my incantations, which is complicated enough."

He closed the book, still looking directly into Faloi's eyes. Faloi who was listening patiently, waiting for the conclusion.

"Other minor drawbacks are that I would necessary be the one to cast the spell, since I am the most powerful healer here and an Immortal. As such, I can't use magic for anything else during the incantations. Akira, however, still will be able to use his other Domains."

"He will retaliate, added Lamia, calmly. And if we manage to hurt, but not kill him, this could put us in a dire situation."

Faloi nodded.

"I see. Well, I am afraid this is still the best solution we can get. But I won't have enough men powerful enough to protect you and restrain him, while protecting the population. Can't the Divine Mandate help ?"

"We would, if we could, sighed Lamia, but all our energy is dedicated to reconstruction right now. And bringing one of our mages in the fight would only anger her more. I am already 100% sure that if dad and Nru are in the same spot, she will use an instakill spell without hesitation."

"Alright. I may have a solution at hand, but we will need to wait and see if they come. in the meantime, you are my estimeed guests. Please make yourself comfortable."

"Oh, the memories, laughed Baku, a little bitterly. But I take the offer. I'll see you later, Faloi."

That's on what he left, bringing with him the book and that evergrowing tension. Lamia, however, stayed behind. Looking at her cousin behind the desk, you just seemed to age up twenty years.

"Apologies for his bluntness, she sighed. The situation in the kingdom is still... Well. Complicated."

"I take it the rumors on your sister's death are true."

Her heart ached. Shereen, poor little girl, so young and defenseless. Baku's pride and joy. Shera's pride and joy. Lina's little sunshine that won't ever shine again.

Lamia's little sister.

"Yes. Akira killed her. Dad didn't forgave himself for not seeing it coming."

"All my condoleences."

He was sincere, Lamia could feel it. Even though his tone was the same tired as usual, even though his face couldn't express anything, she knew he felt genuine hurt. For her, for Baku, and for her sister's demise.

He just hid it too well for other people.

"Thank you."

A look exchanged between the two of them.

Eyes saying more than words could ever.

***

"Faloi, with all due respect, what the actual fuck ????"

Lamia never was this impolite before, especially now that she was close from sixty. But in her defense, that woman was the last thing she expected to see in her cousin's office.

Well, the problem was not the woman. She seemed pleasing enough in her opinion, a bit too blunt, maybe, but Lamia could see between her eyes true intelligence and reflexion. No, the problem was the prosthesis taking place of her left arm. Undoubtedly of genosian facture.

A genosian in the president's office. That didn't happen since Chifuniro. and this is exaclty what she had a problem with.

"Ah, Lamia, said Faloi. May I introduce you to Ether, my councelor."

Said Ether was looking at her with distrust. Fair enough, thoight Lamia. She didn't exactly give a good first impression. Something she will have to repair ugently, especially considering that very high title.

Councelor. How in the Abyss did that happen, Lamia didn't know. But the questions wold come later.

She stuck her hand to the woman. Elven, probably around thirty. At least that's what her aura said.

"Apologies for the impoliteness. I am princess Lamia Frosilaen, heir to the throne of the divine Mandate, and charged of the diplomacy between my kingdom and the Republic."

"It is... an honor."

That girl doesn't know how to lie, thought Lamia. She was still distrustful. She even saw her tense at the mention of her family name. But there was something else. Some kind of longing look, that strenghtened when she looked at Faloi, and...

oh, Intrigue the First.

"Faloi, she said, would it be possible to talk to you privately as soon as possible ? I have urgent matters to discuss with you, and Shifahrad will get worried if I don't come back in time."

"Of course. Ether, if you please..."

She obtempered, but Lamia could see how much she didn't want to do that. Leaving Faloi alone, or leaving him alone with her ? In any case, it was getting very serious.

As soon as the door closed on her, she turned towards Faloi.

"Never did I thought I'd see a Genosian again in your office after what happened with Chifuniro, Faloi. Do I take it you have a type ?"

"I don't see what is prompting that."

"Oh please. She's head over heels for you, that's visible like my goddamn nose in the middle of my face. And you feel something for her too don't you ?" She cut in the middle of Faloi's attempt to respond. "Don't try to hide it from me. I know you well enough. Even if it's not love, there is something."

Faloi sighed.

"She is... Trustworthy. You saw how bluntly she acts and how true to herself she stays. This is something I missed. Having someone who will just tell me the truth."

That was fair enough. And that Ether didn't seem like Chifuniro. Or even herself. Master in the art of lies.

But still...

"I know you're worried, Lamia, sighed Faloi. I'm gonna throw back your words at you, but I know you well enough. But I have the situation at hand. She won't betray me."

That was a tone saying "She brings me a buttload of other problems but not that one, I am sure of". Lamia could read that easily. Somehow that was more reassuring than pretending the woman was the perfect advisor.

She nodded.

"Well, I know you will handle this. I trust you. But well, Ether matter aside, there was something else..."

And this is how that chapter was closed.

At least that's what she thought.

***

Her mother calling her in her office was rare enough for Lamia to worry.

She felt even more dread seeing her pale face next to an Ink Republic seal.

"You wanted to see me, mom ?"

Behind her, Lynthe and Shifahrad tensed . They met the queen already, in their fifty years at the place, but this was the first time Lamia askd them to accompany her in a meeting with her. Somehow that fact was less reassuring than the presence of the queen herself.

Lina was close to death. At least that's what her people thought. Her hair got greyer, her face was fillof wrinkles. Her right eye was losing accuracy evry day a little bit more. Still Lamia never saw her looking more old than she was today.

"Sit down. I need to talk to you."

Lamia obeyed. The dread was stopping her to protest.

Lina was too emotional.

Too... Sad.

What was happening ?

"Mom ?"

"Take a biscuit first."

She never did that before.

With Lina, it was always straight to the point. She asked what she needed, she told what she had to, and it was over. Her being adamant on making things go slow only made Lamia more worried.

Her fist clenched.

"Mom, what's wrong ?!"

Truly you don't listen, do you, sighed Lina. Alright. I received a letter of the Ink Republic today. With... Unsettling news."

She closed her eyes.

"Baku wanted me to announce that to the kingdom as soon as possible, but I judged I would tell you first."

Lynthe and Shifahrad shivered. Lina's tone was too... Resigned. Too calm. For her usual way of talking about Ink Republic. Lamia helped build solid diplomacy between them, with the help of Faloi working so hard to rebuild the bridge between them, but that didn't mean Lina liked what relationship they had.

She still hated Faloi. She still hated Paper continent as a whole. She shut up because it was for the Divine Mandate.

That made her attitude all the more weird.

"Is there something wrong with the Republic ? With the treaties ? Do I need to arrange a meeting with Faloi to-"

"He's dead."

Lamia stopped right on her tracks.

That didn't stop her mother. Blurting her information in an empty tone, her hands shivering on the desk.

"He's dead, Lamia. He tried to reunite all the dirigeants of countries wanting independance to sing a peace treaty and finally move on to reforms. They trapped him in his own negociation room to kill him, 83 vs one."

But Lamia was not listening anymore.

Dead.

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.

Faloi, dead. Her cousin, dead. The person she thought the most of a friend in that godsforsaken world, dead. Stabbed in the back by the people he tried to free.

Dead without achieving anything.

Something felt heavy on her cheek. And wet. She held her finger under her eyes, blinking when whe saw on her nail a droplet of water.

A tear.

Was she crying ?

Did she ever cry?

***

In all my lifetime, no one showed me more understanding than the first President of Ink Republic, my cousin, Faloi Frosilaen. Our family history may be sour, between the hate shared by my mother and his father, Adam Frosilaen, or the history between our two nations, but when I asked to learn under him, never he showed any grudge of some sort and always treated me as his equal, a woman worth of his teachings.

Our collaboration was the best thing to ever happened to the Divine Mandate. Under him, I went from princess to queen. I learnt how to manage a country, I learnt how to spot traitors, and I learnt to listen to the people. Ironically, he helped far more the Divine Mandate than he ever could the Ink Republic. The Divine Mandate would not be the kingdom it is without him. I wouldn't be the queen I am without him.

He was a good man. A bit idealist by moments, trying to do everything at the same time. Ruthless if needed, ready to sacrifice even his personhood for his dream. Sometimes, I wonder if he would have been happier if he just gave up. But give up didn't even come to his mind once.

I won't let him be remembered by the world as a tyrant.

Extract of Lamia the Irst Frosilaen-Claro coronation speech

[hindisoup]

15-week learning review

Reading and Writing (15 out of 15 weeks)

Since I reached out to Hindi speakers in search of penpals in a couple of places (namely Conversation Exchange and Slowly app) I've found some interesting people who are patient enough to correspond with me using Devanagari and bookish language. It's been quite fun and I've been able to reply to emails quite regularly. Both my reading and writing skills have improved and I've learned many useful phrases for discussing opinions etc.

Listening (8 out of 15 weeks)

I found an interesting podcast for Hindi learners, All About India Insider Tales, where they make short about 15-minute episodes about Indian history in both English and Hindi. They have a Patreon through which a listener can download the full script of each episode in both Hindi and English for a small monthly fee. This is not an ad, I was just so happy to find this resource that I need to share it. I've also listened to some episodes of विश्व चर्चित हत्याएँ and Indian Crime Story but so far I haven't found the perfect true crime podcast in Hindi or Hinglish - recommendations welcome!

Watching (7 out of 15 weeks)

Another, and completely free resource I want to share is STARTALK Hindi Audio-Visual project which is a collection of 42 videos with complete downloadable .pdf scripts in Hindi. These videos are based on real-life situations and show naturally spoken Hindi, sometimes mixed with English and local languages. I've also watched three Hindi films, finished Mismatched and started to watch Taj Mahal 1989 on Netflix.

Grammar (6 out of 15 weeks)

Because of regular correspondence, I have had less time for grammar books. One of my pen pals shared a great resource, however, for both reading and grammar: a vast collection of online textbooks by the Indian NCERT - National Council of Education Research and Training. There are Hindi and Urdu textbooks starting from grade 1 upwards and there are also adult education materials downloadable as pdf. Speaking (2 out of 15 weeks)

I've spoken to myself in Hindi almost every day, but only on two occasions, I have spoken with a native Hindi speaker. I'm still seriously considering finding a new Hindi tutor on iTalki. I just got a new job and getting adjusted to it makes me super tired on the weeknights at the moment, so this plan is on pause.

[yeonban]

✿ I'm here to be obnoxious about Cyno and Heizou even though we both already know What's Up :))

PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need (at first)  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in PUNISHING crime (even if it may include... less savory means of doing so)  /  old friendship  /  [ cyno ] is the good influence  /  [ cyno ] is the bad influence  /  [ heizou ] is the good influence  /  [ heizou ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates (when they're in each other's nation)  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /  [ cyno is heizou's ] childhood crush  /  [ heizou is cyno's ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from cyno's side ]  /  unrequited [ from heizou's side ]  /  allegedly unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on cyno ]  /  cheating [ with cyno ]  /  other 

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ heizou ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ heizou ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ heizou ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ heizou ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ cyno ] is taken under heizou's wing (in inazuma)  /  [ heizou ] is taken under cyno's wing (in sumeru)  /  other

ANTAGONISTIC.     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based of professional matters (altho even then they'd still be on the same side so it'd be fake antagonism)  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other 

Explanation: From a professional standpoint, they work perfectly in tandem - not only do they admire each other's sense of justice and skills at their respective job enough to thoroughly trust each other despite having met only recently, they also complement each other's work styles; while Heizou may use manipulation, lying and guilt tripping (among other verbal/psychological methods) in order to get the truth out of criminals if the situation requires it, Cyno isn't against using force as a way of getting the truth out - when working together, if one of their methods doesn't work, it's certain that the other's will, and at the end of the day the truth WILL come out. On top of that, seeing that they hail from different sides of Teyvat, they have various things to learn from each other as well, which in turn aids them in individually becoming more proficient at what they do. On that front... Heizou is steadily advancing towards his goal of becoming renowned in Teyvat partly through Cyno's help in organizing 'crime-related' events centered around Heizou & by enlisting his help in various complex cases that result in Heizou's reputation skyrocketing in Sumeru.

From a friendship standpoint, they both manage to bring happiness and relaxation into each other's lives almost effortlessly - in Heizou's case, offering to learn TCG didn't start because of genuine curiosity, but rather as a means to get Cyno to take it easier & not go into overdrive during their joint case, which ironically developed into Cyno asking Heizou for more matches & by proxy prompting Heizou to find some time to think of decks and game strategies, and actually form a hobby that isn't purely related to his job (shoutout to Heizou being a Cyno main regardless of whatever upgraded meta decks his opponents may use). In Cyno's case, besides obtaining a new TCG rival to play with nearly whenever he wants to (since 99% of the time Heizou wouldn't refuse), he also found someone who understands his jokes & goes the extra mile to explain them back to Cyno while also sometimes laughing at them (although it's moreso laughing at Cyno's serious expression & eagerness while he does so than at the jokes themselves). Surprisingly enough Heizou grows fond of Cyno's jokes relatively rapidly, and not only does he not mind hearing him crack dad jokes for hours on end, but depending on his mood he may also crack jokes in return (typically ones he doubts Cyno has come across so that Cyno may extend his repertoire) or even offer to teach Cyno other ways of lightening the mood & amusing the masses. They have so many things in common that they never run out of topics to discuss nor out of things to do together, and as a result became penpals to still be able to talk in spite of the distance between their nations.

Even on an emotional level... Cyno has had a very fast effect on Heizou. While he comes across as a friendly, confident and open person, Heizou keeps most people at bay because of his past betrayal & everyone's negative opinions of him - he doesn't want to bother others & thus he keeps himself preoccupied with cases or at best jumps through hoops to come up with excuses to hang out with the people he likes. With Cyno however, Heizou is certain there will never be a betrayal - he's never met anyone more true to justice than the General Mahamatra, and if anyone deserved Heizou's unconditional trust on this front, it would definitely be Cyno. More than that, Cyno goes out of his way to hang out with Heizou whenever the circumstances allow it & considering his honest and blunt personality, Heizou is proven time and time again that his presence is wanted and that he can let loose a bit, which helps him unearth his vulnerabilities ever so slowly in front of Cyno and, to his bafflement, starts feeling freer because of Cyno's support.

As for the romance standpoint... they're soulmates, your honor. There isn't anyone that comes nearly as close to perfectly understanding them like the other does - they share the same core foundation, gravitate towards each other both as partners and as friends, boost or complement each other in areas they may not be quite as proficient in and form the best of teams when working together, have a relative ease in being open with each other (again, despite having met recently and with this normally being a feat achieved through several years of painfully slow interactions) as well as them being the only person the other has ever thought of in this sort of light - for Cyno romance was never something to concern himself with whatsoever until Heizou came along, and while Heizou did have crushes on some of his friends before this... Cyno is the only one Heizou has ever truly contemplated confessing to.

[simplicius-simplicissimus]

Solitude - A Journey through the USA (Alleinsein - Eine USA-Reise)

Since my first job, I've been working as a project engineer with a high level of personal responsibility and the ability to design my workflow and working hours - nothing has changed in that regard to this day. In my first job, I worked according to an annual working time model: you could have overtime paid out, take it as flextime in the same year, or transfer it on a time account into the next year. This made it possible for me to take a 3-month journey to the USA in the 90s - my dream country at the time. I initially wanted to take the journey with my best friend - but then an unexpected professional opportunity opened up for him. The same was true for a work colleague who wanted to fill in for him. In the end I had to realize my big dream on my own - and that was the best thing that could ever happen to me!

Especially in the West, I was often alone for days and spent many nights driving and listening to the radio just to experience a magnificent sunrise at the destination the next day (Bryce Canyon and Grand Canyon). If you are traveling alone, you automatically listen to yourself, perceive your surroundings more consciously and let your thoughts wander. You don't tend to talk away the best moments! And if you meet people again after a long time, you even look forward to a conversation. I experienced things there with other people that I probably wouldn't have experienced at home - and unexpected encounters and experiences are often the quintessence of many a trip:

I ran again into a Korean guy at the San Francisco hostel with whom I had a casual chat with at Buffalo train station. The contact remained a pen pal for many years. On a business trip to Tokyo I was able to see him again years later - and got to know his beautiful Thai wife. Unfortunately, there was never a return visit and at some point the contact fell asleep. I still think of him fondly though.

On my birthday in San Francisco, I met an American who had originally immigrated to the United States from South America. He just asked me what time it was - that's how we got talking. In the end we spent the whole day together and he showed me the favorite places of "his city". I never heard from him again, although I wrote to him after my return to Germany.

I also became a pen pal for years with an American. I visited him several times and he me. We even met once in the Tuscany when he and his fraternity were renting an entire villa near Siena. I met him the first time (and a nipple-pierced, bald Australian) at the Port Townsend youth hostel in the state Washington. Both were travel maniacs: the Australian made a living from writing travel reports for travel guide publishers - my later penpal lived in a flat share and spent all his money jetting around the world. We had a very funny conversation there and decided to go visiting Olympic National Park together the next day. The contact with him also broke off over the years.

There were plenty of such small and large encounters - and let the inner realization mature: people come into your life - people leave your life. But each of these encounters also leaves traces. There is a saying that some people undertake a journey to discover a distant land and actually discover themselves in the process. That was probably the case with me too. Many of my character traits that had kind of withered over the years have been brought back to life. And my personality has made a quantum leap: my courage and willingness to take risks have been rewarded with unforgettable experiences and people I have had the privilege of meeting. But the most important thing: I found my inner peace and was in harmony with myself again.

Source: Dunleavy, Steve (2011), Tuolumne Meadows Sunset, Wikipedia, CC BY 2.0 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Tuolumne_Meadows_Sunset.jpg

The above picture of the Tuolumne Meadows at Yosemite National Park reflects exactly my inner feeling after the journey.

-

Seit meinem ersten Job arbeite ich als Projekt-Ingenieur mit hoher Selbstverantwortung und Gestaltungsmöglichkeit des Arbeitsablaufs und der Arbeitszeit - daran hat sich bis heute nichts geändert. In meinem ersten Job arbeitete ich nach einem Jahresarbeitszeitmodell: Überstunden konnte man sich ausbezahlen lassen, als Gleitzeit noch im selben Jahr nehmen oder auch auf einem Zeitkonto ins neue Jahr übertragen. Dies ermöglichte es mir, in den 90igern eine 3monatige Reise in mein damaliges Traumland USA zu unternehmen. Ich wollte die Reise zunächst mit meinem besten Freund unternehmen - dem sich dann aber eine unerwartete berufliche Möglichkeit eröffnete. Dasselbe traf auf einen Arbeitskollegen zu, der für ihn einspringen wollte. Am Ende musste ich meinen grossen Traum allein verwirklichen - und das war das Beste, was mir je passieren konnte!

Gerade im Westen war ich oft tagelang allein unterwegs und bin radiohörend fast komplette Nächte durchgefahren, um am nächsten Tag am Ziel einen grandiosen Sonnenaufgang zu erleben (Bryce Canyon und Grand Canyon). Ist man allein unterwegs, dann hört man automatisch in sich hinein, nimmt die Umgebung bewusster wahr und lässt dabei die Gedanken wandern. Man tendiert nicht dazu, die besten Momente totzuquatschen! Und trifft man nach langer Zeit wieder auf Menschen, dann freut man sich geradezu auf eine Konversation. Ich habe dort Dinge mit anderen Menschen erlebt, die ich so zu Hause wohl nicht erlebt hätte - und unerwartete Begegnungen und Erlebnisse sind oft die Quintessenz so mancher Reise:

Ein Koreaner, mit dem ich eine zwanglose Unterhaltung am Bahnhof in Buffalo hatte, traf ich in der Jugendherberge in San Francisco wieder. Aus dem Kontakt ergab sich eine jahrelange Brieffreundschaft. Auf einer Geschäftsreise nach Tokio konnte ich ihn Jahre später wiedersehen - und dabei seine bildhübsche, thailändische Frau kennenlernen. Zu einem Gegenbesuch ist es leider nie gekommen und der Kontakt ist irgendwann eingeschlafen. Ich denke aber immer noch recht gern an ihn.

An meinem Geburtstag traf ich in San Francisco einen Amerikaner, der ursprünglich aus Südamerika in die USA immigriert war. Er fragte mich nur nach der Uhrzeit - so kamen wir ins Gespräch. Am Ende verbrachten wir den gesamten Tag miteinander und er zeigt mir die Lieblingsplätze „seiner Stadt“. Ich hörte nie mehr etwas von ihm, obwohl ich ihm nach meiner Rückkehr nach Deutschland schrieb.

Mit einem Amerikaner ergab sich ebenfalls eine jahrelange Brieffreundschaft. Ich besuchte ihn mehrmals und er mich. Wir trafen uns sogar einmal in der Toskana, als er und seine Studentenverbindung dort eine komplette Villa nahe Siena mieteten. Zum ersten Mal traf ihn (und einen Nippel-gepiercten, glatzköpfigen Australier) in der Jugendherberge in Port Townsend im Staat Washington. Beides waren Reiseverrückte: der Australier lebte davon, Reiseberichte für Verlage von Reiseführern zu schreiben - mein späterer Brieffreund lebte in einer WG und gab sein ganzes Geld aus, um um die Welt zu jetten. Wir hatten eine sehr lustige Konversation und beschlossen, am nächsten Tag den Olympic National Park gemeinsam zu besuchen. Auch mit ihm brach der Kontakt über die Jahre ab.

Solch kleine und grosse Begegnungen gab es dort zuhauf - und lässt die innere Erkenntnis reifen: Menschen kommen in dein Leben - Menschen gehen aus deinem Leben. Aber jede dieser Begegnungen hinterlässt auch Spuren. Es gibt den Spruch, dass mancher eine Reise unternimmt, um ein fernes Land zu entdecken und dabei eigentlich sich selbst entdeckt. Das war wohl bei mir auch so. Viele meiner Charakter-Eigenschaften, die irgendwie über die Jahre verkümmert waren, wurden wieder geweckt. Und meine Persönlichkeit hat einen Quantensprung vollzogen: mein Mut und meine Risikobereitschaft wurden belohnt mit unvergesslichen Erlebnissen und Menschen, die ich treffen durfte. Das wichtigste aber: ich fand meinen inneren Frieden und war wieder im Einklang mit mir selbst.

Encounters are the salt in the soup.

-Simplicius Simplicissimus

[enegen]

Які сьогодні свята в Україні та світі

Хочете дізнатися, які свята України та світу сьогодні? У пізнавальному клубі "CLENG"  ви завжди будете в курсі святкових дат. Ось всі свята України та світу сьогодні, про які варто було б знати:

1 червня — Міжнародний день захисту дітей (International Children`s Day)

1 червня — Всесвітній день обізнаності про нарциське насильство (World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day)

1 червня — Всесвітній день батьків (Global Day of Parents)

1 червня — Всесвітній день молока (World Milk Day)

1 червня — Всесвітній день рифа (World Reef Day)

1 червня — День відправки річкою пляшки з хорошими думками

1 червня — День народження «Супермена»

1 червня — День підтвердження новорічної обіцянки (New Year`s Resolution Recommitment Day)

1 червня — День самогону (National Moonshine Day) — США

1 червня — День «Скажи що-небудь приємне» (Say Something Nice Day) — США

1 червня — День ходьби босоніж (National Go Barefoot Day) — США

1 червня — День оливок (National Olive Day) — США

1 червня — День торта з фундуком (National Hazelnut Cake Day) — США

1 червня — День друга по листуванню (National Penpal Day) — США

1 червня — День лаку для нігтів (National Nail Polish Day) — США

1 червня — День «Підкинь монетку» (Flip a Coin Day) — США

1 червня — День «Одягніть плаття» (Wear a Dress Day) — США

1 червня — День сміливості (Dare Day) — США

1 червня — День прийому Геймліха (National Heimlich Maneuver Day) — США

1 червня — День «Корабель не здавати» (Don`t Give Up The Ship Day) — США

1 червня — День державності штату Кентуккі (Kentucky Statehood Day) — США

1 червня — День Оскара-буркотун (Oscar The Grouch Day) — США

1 червня — День державності штату Теннессі (Tennessee Statehood Day) — США

1 червня — День Панча Сила (Pancasila Day) — Індонезія

1 червня — День військово-морського флоту (National Maritime Day) — Мексика

1 червня — День працівників архівів і управління документацією — ПМР

1 червня — День президента — Палау

1 червня — День даяків (Gawai Dayak in Sarawak) — Малайзія

1 червня — День незалежності — Самоа

1 червня — День перемоги (День Конституції) — Туніс

1 червня — День зміни одягу (Koromogae) — Японія

1 червня — День Азорських островів (Azores Day) — Португалія

1 червня — День молоді — Кабо-Верде

1 червня — День пришестя Хрестительки Грузії (Нінооба) — Грузія

1 червня — День свободи (День Мадарака, Madaraka Day) — Кенія

1 червня — День «пухкі товстушки» (Fei Fei Day) — Канада

1 червня — Фестиваль дерев (Festival of Trees) — Бенін

1 червня — День матері та дитини — Монголія

1 червня — День посадки дерев — Камбоджа

1 червня — День дитини — Китай

1 червня — День без алкоголю (Dzien bez Alkoholu) — Польща

Щоденний дайджест свят, пам'ятних подій і річниць. Всі державні, професійний, міжнародні та релігійні свята на кожен день. Привітайте друзів і рідних вчасно!

Пізнавальний журнал "CLENG"

www.cleng.club

[murderousink23]

06/01/2024 is International Childrens Day 🌎, World Milk Day 🥛🌎, World Reef Day 🐠🌎, National Go Barefoot Day 👣🇺🇸, National Hazelnut Cake Day 🇺🇸, National Heimlich Maneuver Day 🇺🇸, National Penpal Day ✒️🇺🇸, National Say Something Nice Day 🇺🇸, National Trails Day 🇺🇸, Volunteers' Week 🇬🇧, Global Day of Parents 🇺🇳

[beforeiread-studies]

I posted 419 times in 2022

That's 395 more posts than 2021!

150 posts created (36%)

269 posts reblogged (64%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@luvbubbl

@beforeiread-studies

@fleur-aesthetic

@adelinestudiess

@pennyngram

I tagged 183 of my posts in 2022

#studyblr - 78 posts

#100 dop - 78 posts

#100 days of productivity - 73 posts

#100 days of journaling - 62 posts

#uniblr - 53 posts

#100 days of studying - 38 posts

#langblr - 34 posts

#german learning - 30 posts

#productivity - 27 posts

#study blog - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i might try to put all the magazines in chronological order to see what that could tell us about the production schedule but not right now

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

You guys.

I've been watching the first few minutes of a knitting podcast in German... and I can kind of understand it?

And the comments too?

?????????????????

What is going on???? I can now understand German??????

12 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#4

Studyblr introduction!!!

Dear Studyblr, hello! I’m new and like almost everyone in this community I decided to create this study blog to find some motivation in my studies + life in general.

name: Anna

pronouns: she/her

age: 20

nationality: Italian and Italy based

orientation: aroace

personality type: INTJ

studying: I’m in the third (and last!) year of my bachelor's, studying languages and literature, mostly English and German

languages: my mother tongue is Italian but I’m fluent in English and am studying German and Portuguese at uni. I can mostly understand French and Spanish and have previously studied Latin and Ancient Greek (don’t ask).

goals: the final boss goal is to become a published author. The goal for right now is to get good grades in my classes so I can get into the master degree of my choice.

hobbies: writing + reading, watching movies, knitting, visiting cute cafes with friends, penpalling

In the next post I will talk more about my current goals :)

15 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

#3

More fashion magazines from Legally Blonde

Click here to read all the posts in the series.

In the movie’s opening season we get B roll of Elle’s room, which include this lovely shot of a pile of fashion magazines:

Here is what is visible, from the top.

Cosmopolitan, May 2001

Cosmopolitan, August 2000, which will reappear later in the movie as The Bible.

Cosmopolitan en Español, Mayo 2001, which begs the question, does Elle speak Spanish like her friend Serena speaks Vietnamese? (I think it was Vietnamese, correct me if I’m wrong)

Cosmopolitan, August 2000, repeated.

Cosmopolitan, May 2001, repeated.

Seventeen.com, June 2001

JANE, May 2001

But seeing as the movie was primarily shot between October and December 2000, how could the crew have access to magazines from 2001? Was the B Roll shot later or are these fake magazines to give the viewers the illusion that the movie’s beginning is set in Spring 2001?

Unfortunately, the Cosmopolitan’s spines give us 0 information about the issues’ contents & covers BUT Seventeen.com and JANE do!

Let’s go scavenge the internet.

.

JANE, May 2001

Does anyone know anything about this JANE magazine? I had never heard of it.

JANE’s spine says: “Where’s Weinberg?” I have no idea who or what Weinberg is and that month’s cover has no mention of this Weinberg, as you can see, so we’ll have to move forward.

See the full post

17 notes - Posted July 14, 2022

#2

What fashion magazines were featured in Legally Blonde: The Musical?

Click here to read all the posts in the series.

We all know and love the iconic MTV recording of Legally Blonde: The Musical, no matter how grainy it is (and perhaps even a bit because of it).

Right after the song “Serious” ends and before the beginning of “What You Want”, Elle’s friends try to comfort her by bringing her the latest issues of her favourite fashion magazine.

See the full post

21 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

[19.05.2022]

Finally applied for a prospective summer job. I don’t have high hopes of getting called back but writing a CV for the first time was still an interesting project. I also read a bit, studied German a bit and visited the cutest cafe on our street with some friends before we all drift apart for the summer. All in all, a very fun day.

🎥 Bojack Horseman - Season 1

35 notes - Posted May 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ami-ven]

Happy National Penpal Day!

[jewishmuseummd]

#DYK: June 1st is #NationalPenPalDay? Now is the perfect time to reach out and make a new friend (or reconnect with an old one) through the mail! 

Why not #BeAnUpstander and send a card through this JVC volunteer opportunity? 

From the JMM collections: Letter from the Hebrew Ladies Sewing Society of Baltimore to Mrs. Goody Rosenfeld with congratulations on the birth of her son, July 1, 1892. JMM 1968.22.12b.

[martyrindisguise]

[versadies]

Congratulations for 1000 followersss, damn thats a lot!

Taurus+Diluc+hc+angst/comfort (?)

Basically, Diluc likes someone else than the reader but that someone didn't give their world color. When Diluc meets the reader, he was upset because why would the reader be their soulmate. Diluc basically hates the reader not until he got to know the reader more. But the time Diluc gets feelings towards the reader, the reader somewhat gives up on Diluc so Diluc comforts them.

Thank youu and have a nice day/night

is there still anything love can do? (hc scenario)

penpal: tysm! hope you enjoy this fic, anon <3

prompt: taurus the bull, color-soulmate au

pairing/s: diluc x gn!reader, diluc x female character (mostly referred as "she" or “her” in the fanfic)

sypnosis: he hated you for bringing color to his world. yet, he can't help but fall for you as you slowly light up his world.

includes: unrequited love (at first), diluc being a jerk, angst/comfort

-> out of all the people celestia could've chosen, why did it had to be someone who isn't her?

-> diluc asked this question numerous times, knowing he'll never get to know an answer himself. he wanted to be her destined other, the person who is her other half, but to no avail, he has never seen a color the moment he met her.

-> he feels guilty though, knowing that there's someone else out there who can bring colors in his eyes.

-> however, the man never expected to meet his soulmate this soon.

-> diluc's eyes widens in disbelief when you, a traveler from another nation, enters inside his tavern, slowly seeing colors appearing around his surroundings. he would've been ecstatic if his soulmate was her and not you.

-> he hated how happy you look when your eyes landed on his. what makes you so special to become his soulmate? why did it had to be a traveler and not someone like her?

-> he felt so guilty and upset. the one thing he wanted for the first time in forever was out of his grasp and the one thing he should've been happy with was just at the wrong time.

-> before you could come up to him and introduce yourself, he quietly excused himself and left the tavern, not giving you a glance as he walks to the other exit.

-> two hearts were broken that night.

-> since then, diluc hasn't visit angel's share as often as he used to, trusting charles to handle the tavern as he focuses on his night patrols and paperwork in dawn winery instead. he didn't want you to know that his heart belongs to another– the last thing he wants is to make someone sad for something they don't deserve.

-> much to his dismay, you're very determined in talking to him.

-> whenever you see him strolling around mondstadt, you walk up to him for a quick chat, only to be shrugged off by the man and watch him walk away to the opposite direction. a lot of people would've been upset from this– but you on the other hand didn't want to believe that your own soulmate would avoid you.

-> he's probably busy, you thought to yourself.

-> the next few days, diluc always manages to escape from you, whether it'd be pretending he didn't hear you, run away to one of the nearby alleys and disappear, or immediately walk to someone he knows nearby and pretends to talk to them (much to the person's confusion).

-> yet with every effort the red-haired man put in getting away, you still refuse to believe that he doesn't want to see you.

-> that is, until you saw him with her.

-> "it's such a shame that diluc and that woman aren't soulmates, no?" one of the people say, also watching the man and her getting along by good hunter. "ah i agree.. they look like a happy couple if you ask me."

-> you felt your heart drop, both from listening to the people nearby and from the sight of your soulmate with a woman. you wouldn't be affected from the sight much if it weren't for that unavoidable look that diluc has. the red tint warming his cheeks, the stare he gave as though the woman is his world,

-> a part of you knew that he doesn't see her as a friend.

-> that possibility (or a fact) alone made you gave up on getting the man's attention, slowly walking away from the pair with a defeated look on your face.

-> as diluc walks around windwail highland in the middle of the night, he started thinking if whether he should move on or not. the conversation with her earlier was just her ranting about her soulmate, his heart cracking and cracking more throughout the day with every word she says about the man he wanted to replace with himself with.

-> he realized that there's no point in loving her when her heart belongs to her destined other. who is he to make her love him when she has her lover?

-> "CURSE YOU CELESTIA!"

-> diluc was cut out from his thoughts when he heard a yell not too far away from where he is, surprised from how there's still someone other than him around the area at such a late hour.

-> alerted, he slowly rushes to the source of the voice, hoping that it wasn't someone who isn't in trouble.

-> "CURSE YOU AND YOUR SOULMATE SYSTEM, CURSE YOU FOR LETTING ME WASTE MY TIME!"

-> his eyes widens when he finds a very familiar figure, whose back was facing at his direction as they face up at the sky. what are you doing here?

-> "i hate you!" you yelled out, anger laced within your tone. "i hate you for giving me a soulmate who doesn't love me! what did i do to deserve this?!"

-> diluc slowly walks a few steps backwards from your area, not wanting to disturb you and continue his way back to dawn winery. he winces when he accidentally steps on a branch, the noise it made was loud.

-> he thought he didn't have to worry about it, given how it wasn't exactly loud enough to make you notice. however, when he glances back at your direction, his eyes landed on yours.

-> "...how may i help you?" you ask with a nervous smile, hoping that the mysterious masked stranger didn't hear a single outburst from you moments ago. "are you lost or are you here to rob me...?"

-> diluc seems to be taken back from your assumption, though he can't exactly blame you. "...i'm not a treasurer hoarder."

-> you let out a sigh of relief, still feeling tensed and guarded despite the red-haired man proving himself to be harmless. "good then. what brings you here?"

-> "..i heard yelling." he replies hesitantly, standing still. "i thought someone was in trouble so i decided to go check."

-> you wince from his answer, now regretting your decision in going to this area and yell to your heart's content. "sorry about that.. things have been going hectic lately and i just wanted to scream." you explain with a nervous laugh.

-> diluc slowly nods in understanding, finding himself taking a few steps forward to you, only to stop when he notices how you took a few steps backward from him. "...where do you come from? i've never seen someone like you in the city." he questions, still keeping his distance from you but is close enough to be able to hear you clearly.

-> "i'm just a simple traveler." you answered, looking away from his gaze. "my homeland is fontaine but.. i always go from one place to another for as long as i could remember."

-> "why do you travel?"

-> he watched as your expression slowly went from awkwardness to sadness. "...i wanted to find my soulmate like everyone else."

-> if it weren't for his mask, you would've seen deep regret washing over his eyes. "did you find your soulmate?"

-> you nodded slowly, still not looking at the man. "yea but... it's obvious that he doesn't want me."

-> "...then he doesn't deserve a soulmate."

-> and so begins your friendship with the man who goes by the alias of the "darknight hero.”

-> since then, diluc always finds himself going to windwail highland, hoping to see you by the lake that surrounds the city of freedom. much to his relief, you were always there, waiting for him for a simple conversation.

-> he doesn't mind the fact that you still keep your distance from him, knowing that he isn't trusted yet. whenever he sees you, he makes sure he's at the same spot that he always stands on whenever he talks to you, to which you appreciate a lot.

-> the conversations you share always lasts for what felt like hours. diluc was honestly surprised that you and him have so much connection even if you two don't have much in common.

-> as nights fly, the red-haired man slowly starts to understand and like you more.

-> yet the guilt in him still stays. even when all he thinks is you instead of her, even when he starts to fall out of love from her, even when he finally tries to move on from the heartbreak,

-> he doesn't think he deserves you, a traveler who just wants to find love.

-> "you know... you remind me of him." you spoke up, looking at diluc with a sad smile. "the two of you got the same hair– i honestly thought you were him when we first met."

-> diluc tries not to look like he's surprised. "what makes you think i'm not him?"

-> "he doesn't bother having a conversation with me." you answered quickly. "but i guess i'm glad. it makes it easier for me to get out of this nation." his breath hitches from those words.

-> "you're leaving?" he asks. you nodded in confirmation, crossing your arms. "i found my soulmate, but since it looks like he doesn't need me, i have no other reason to stay here." you explained.

-> diluc couldn't believe what he was hearing. why are you leaving so soon? "what if he wants you to stay? maybe he's just scared of the future–"

-> "what reason does he have to be scared of me being in his life?" you interrupted. "i'm a goddamn traveler for celestia's sake. i've fought hilichurls, regisvines, and so much— i’m not scared of some monster! i've travelled far and wide to look for the person who can give me love and colors– but now i'm sick and tired of seeing colors because it reminds me of how he doesn't accept me as his soulmate."

-> you paused for a moment, trying to calm yourself down from getting upset. "i don't blame him for choosing the one he actually loves over me, but i'm done going after him."

-> he stays silent from your confession, overwhelmed from the tremendous guilt washing over him. he wants to make things right, to make up the heartbreak he gave to you.

-> you observed the silent man, curious with his sudden silence and being defensive with the man he supposedly hate. "...you're diluc, aren't you?" you ask softly.

-> diluc hesitated for a moment, only to give up and nod. "i... i want to make up all of the things i did to you. i know what i did hurt you but.. believe me when i say i didn’t mean to make you think that i don’t want you as my soulmate. i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to you because i feel so guity—”

-> “that you’re in love with someone else?”

-> his eyes widens. how did you find out?

-> “i’m not in love with her anymore.” he clarifies, deciding to confirm your assumption with a defeated look on his face. “i moved on, i was a fool for not letting you be a part of my life. i'm sorry for breaking your heart and letting you down because of how i was back then."

-> "it seems a bit late, don't you think?" you said with a chuckle. "i don't know what you can do to make up all of this."

-> “i… i know this might be too much to ask but," he slowly walk towards you, only to stop himself to see if you'd go backwards from him. "i want to start over– let me earn your trust and love." he proposes, desperation was written on his ruby eyes.

-> you stare at the man, not moving from your position. "how do i know if you mean it?" you asked, still hesitant.

-> "...give me one month," he replies, causing your eyebrows to furrow in confusion. "give me one month to court you. if you still don't think i'm worth to be a part of your life by the end of the month, you can leave mondstadt and never talk to me unless you decide otherwise."

-> diluc then reaches out his hand to you. "you can either accept this and give me a few rules you want me to follow or leave me here and go travel to your heart's desire."

-> silence fell upon the two of you, the sounds of birds and the water flowing nearby can only be heard. you continue to stand still, staring at diluc's hand with an unreadable look on your face.

-> it took a few anxious minutes until diluc felt your hand on top of his.

-> "...i accept."

[alenasbdesign]

Happy National Handwriting Day!