#nate’s music is so good it’s kinda crazy

[oldfnaf]

Mangled by NateWantsToBattle Music Video

[endereies]

ADDICTED TO YOU

Pairing: Chris x Reader

Contains: Sub!Chris (kinda), Drug-usage (be smart people), Blowjob, Hair pulling, don't like - don't read. Let me know if i missed anything<3

Requested?: no

Author's notes: This is my first time writing smut so I hope it's good loll

Word Count: 2975

I had been to many parties in my life, fuck, I hosted half of them. But I never did anything crazy. I only provided, sometimes that drove me crazy. People around me were constantly inhaling smoke and I could only sit back and watch as the small embers burn and lit up in the cherry, making their faces glow against the night.

I had never had the urge to smoke and watching everyone get high was always an experience, typically leading to me taking care of everyone and making sure no one ever went overboard.

I was stressed.

-

I had been forced by some random kids at my college to host another party, only as a gateway to sell drugs to other students who shared the same cravings. It was a constant I was forced to adapt to, whether I liked it or not.

I had the same few people come up to me and most of the time the conversations reached around the same bends.

Most.

Chris has always managed to drag me in to some sort of long conversation, it made me feel like I wasn’t just used as a gateway to safely get high. Even if he had tried to convince me one or twice…

-

“Cmon y/n, you have never even wondered what it is like?” I had tried to walk to my lessons a long time ago but Chris had caged me in his presence enough that I had given up ten minutes ago.

“Of course I have wondered, but I don’t care enough to go along with anything.” I roll my eyes at him and try to turn away but he grabs my wrists and twists my body back towards him again.

“We both know that isn’t true” I provide him with a lack of a response and I raise an eyebrow at him.

“I’ve seen you at those parties, your eyes trace the blunts every single time. It’s the one thing you pay attention to other than those people who beg for ‘secret spots’ in your house.

“The fuck do you know, you are always out your mind whenever I see you. Nate had to drag you out last time.” I cross my arms over my chest, hoping he will try and drop the subject soon.

“I had a new kind, ma. That ain’t fair…” He feigns a pout, not holding it for long without any giggles.

“Whatever, look. Just be at my place at seven. I’m hosting.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” He leaves with that same stupid grin on his face.

-

The party had started an hour ago and I had landed myself in the gardens outside faster than I would’ve liked. My tie hung loosely around my neck and the top button of my shirt was undone. Already, someone had thrown up in front of me. Definitely the effects of previous substances but it was enough to dampen my mood and force me for some fresh air.

“Hey ma, nice outfit. Shame you chose outside as your runway.” I hear Chris’s voice from in front of me but I don’t bother enough to respond in the same manner as him.

“What.”

“You alright y/n?” He kneels down, his knees meeting to damp grass just so that he can see my face, full of mixed emotions.

“Some bitch nearly threw up on me, thankfully she didn’t but I can’t say the same to the houseplants.” I sigh and look away from him.

“Already?” My head nods in response.

“Well…Why are you out here then?” His voice seems gentler and calmer, noticing his normal attitude won’t get him anywhere.

“The smell was strong; the people are pissing me off and I have a headache from the shit music they are playing on repeat. But that’s nothing new…”

“Mind if I smoke?” He practically ignores the last sentences I give him and pulls out a poorly wrapped blunt that seems like it’s been stuffed into his pocket for a little bit too long.

“Whatever.”

He takes one of the garden chairs and drags it over the grass to sit close to me. As close as the seats would allow before the metal legs scrapped each other.

A small spark emits from an old red lighter before it glows with an orange flame. The light breeze shakes it and weakens the strength, making it have to stay alight longer before it managed to light the blunt. Chris holds the blunt between his lips, holding it there while putting the lighter in his pocket, inhaling weakly. It takes a few seconds before a cloud of smoke exits between Chris’s lips.

I didn’t mean to stare but the way the fire lights up his face in the dark was somewhat mesmerising. I could just be the awful night I was having but everything just seemed so much more appealing.

I suddenly grab the blunt from Chris’s hand and place it in between my own fingers and bring it to my lips and breath in. Big mistake.

I don’t even get a change to hold in the smoke before it exits my lungs harshly, scrapping my throat as it arises.

“Woah woah, y/n. Jesus are you okay?” His touch immediately burns into my back as he soothes it with his palm. “Take it easy…”

I can’t respond to him without producing weak coughs.

“If you really want to do it, I can show you?”

I’ve definitely had a shit day if I am really debating getting high. I don’t want to openly admit it so I nod my head slowly.

“Okay…I’ll show you how first, yeah?” I study his motions as he hollows out his cheeks slightly and allows more space to inhale, the ember’s light glows a little brighter when he breathes in. The blunt rests between his index and middle fingers and he draws it away from his mouth. Chris tilted his head away from mine and blows out the smoke into the cold air and I watch as it slowly disappears.

“Here.” His hand moves next to mine and I shakily grab the blunt.

Was I really doing this?

I bring it to my lips and exhale softly before placing it into my mouth.

“Try and relax and rest it just between your lips…” His voice trails off, putting his focus into adjusting my grip on the blunt.

“Like this?” My voice is meek as I try not to blow out the blunt.

“Better, ma. Now, inhale it slowly, once you feel a sting I want you to stop and hold it in.”

I try and take a long and deep breathe but the stinging comes sooner than later. I manage to hold it in my lungs for a few seconds before I’m forced to exhale quickly out of my nose with a slight cough. I shut my eyes as they start to water. Chris immediately takes the blunt from my fingers and I cough a little harsher now.

“There you go, not bad for your first time.” He smiles at me, taking the blunt between his own lips again while he waits for me to calm myself.

“That wasn’t as bad as the first time.” I shake my head as I cough one last time.

“This is a stronger one y/n, I’d rather you not take any huge amount of this, alright?” His tone isn’t as gentle and when he faces me his expression isn’t anything but serious.

“Yeah...sure.”

-

Chris and I had swapped between this blunt a few times and it had really started to hit me now, everything was dream-like. My vision lacked behind my brain and caused me to feel dizzy when I laughed too much or moved my head a little quickly. We kept on giggling to ourselves and playfully making jokes to one another.

“Fuck, I think I am feeling this now.” I smile pathetically at him, no longer being able to fully control my expressions.

“Yeah? Good. That’s when the good shit starts to happen, ma.” His eyes linger on mine as I take the blunt between my lips and take a deep inhale of the smoke. I watch his gaze fall to my lips even after the blunt is back in his hand again. When he looks back up a smirk is plastered on his face and I immediately try to compose myself.

Chris takes one final puff of smoke and put out the blunt, smashing it between the grass and the sole of his shoe. He looks over to me but I’m already staring at him.

“Everything okay?”

“You’re pretty.”

I don’t even think about the words I’m saying anymore to him, I’m too gone to care.

“Is that so?” He smiles sheepishly at my, gazing back down to my lips.

“Very much so. I’ve always noticed that.” A silence falls between us as we edge close to each other, his face only being a few inches away from mine.

I let out a shaky breath once I finally acknowledge the distance shortening between us.

“Do I make you nervous, y/n?”

The warmth of our breath mingled between us before our lips finally meet each other’s.

The gentle pressure was enough to make me lose my mind and send a shiver down my spine. Chris’s fingers wrapped around the edge of my jaw, pulling me slightly closer to him. His teeth graze my lower lips slightly and I open my mouth for him to gain better access. I feel him smile against me and the way his hand traced my arm had me intoxicated.

I slowly pull away from him, wanting to catch my breath and his gaze remains locked on my lips, slightly coated in his saliva. The fixation makes me instantly clench my thighs tightly together.

His palm rolls off my arm and places itself on to my hip, using his thumb to press small circles into my skin. He remains looking at me softly before placing his lips on mine again. I accept his touch almost instantly and I feel his hand that was on jaw snake around to the back of my neck, wanting to pull me closer.

He relaxed his body with the aid of the weed and sighed into the kiss. I laid my hands on to his thighs and slowly dragged them upwards. A deep sigh emits from him as my hands etch closer. He breaks the kiss and looks down to my palm, watching it with a dazed expression.

“Is this okay…?” I look down in the same direction as him and inch my hand so that I stop just below his dick.

He hums in response and nods his head eagerly, a tent clearly forming under his jeans.

Before I move my palm, he pulls my head towards me with his hand still on my neck and kisses me softly again. I use this to my advantage and I shift my hand so that I’m gently palming Chris through his clothing, but I don’t apply enough pressure for any major satisfaction. Even so, I earn a light whimper from Chris and it becomes harder to resist to apply more force.

“Please...don’t be a tease, ma.” His voice is gentle against my lips and I feel his warm breath on my skin, making me smile in to the kiss.

I was definitely being hit harshly with the effects of the weed, while I appreciated Chris’s appearance, I would never openly admit that. Let alone palm his dick, just after we kiss for the first time. I had always known that he was an attractive person and I often caught myself staring. And I bet he knew that too since he often caught me in a daydream while sheepishly smiling at him.

I find myself following his words and I break away from the kiss so that I can move from the chair to the wet grass beneath me.

His eyes look in to mine, practically begging me to touch him.

I keep my eyes on him while I brush my hands over his jeans and up towards his belt, slowly undoing it. I pull his jeans down past his waist and to his thighs.

I palm him again slowly and I see his head tilt backwards, making sure that I apply more pressure this time. I play with the waistband of his boxers and slowly pull them down to meet his jeans.

I stare at his dick and reality set in for a moment. Being high was mixing with my brain but at this point I was too far gone to care about that. It was something I would leave for future me to figure out.

I wasn’t going to overthink this and I just leant forward to kiss the tip of Chris’s dick and softly lick over it.

“Fuck…” His words fall softly from his lips in a whisper.

I continue to softly kiss the tip before licking a stripe down from his base to his tip and taking him in my mouth. A faint groan emits from Chris and his back arches slightly from the stimulation. He let his legs fall more to the sides which allowed me to etch closer. My mouth withdrawals from his cock and I smile at the hitched breath he takes from the loss of contact.

I swirl my tongue around my mouth whilst I gather saliva which drips off my tongue and falls on to the tip of his dick. It slowly flows down the side and I push the remaining amount down with my palm. My eyes fixate on Chris’s face and I drag my hand up and down his dick, torturingly slow. Looking back down towards me, Chris moans softly at the sound of my saliva over his skin, the weed making this experience more heightened for the both of us.

“Does this feel good Chris?” I mumble quietly against the skin of his thigh that I nip and kiss at.

“Fuck yeah, don’t stop…” He moans through his words breathlessly, the tone of my voice making his hips jerk into my palms.

I look back down to his dick and lean in so that my face is directly in front of his dick, making sure he keeps his eyes on me like a dog playing fetch. Groans echo through my ears once I take him in my mouth, letting my tongue glide across his skin. I take a few inches into my mouth and slowly bob my head up and down, making sure that I work with the rest in my hand.

One of his hands grips on to the sides of the chair, his knuckles turning white as he tries to remain still while the other hand finds its way to the back of my head. His fingers brush over my hair, almost reassuring me before he grabs a fistful into a make-shift ponytail.

After working around his tip for a few moments, something in me snaps and I deepthroat him, catching us both off guard. His hips rut towards my mouth as his dick hits the back of my throat and I gag slightly at the sensation.

A whine leaves Chris’s throat when I remove my mouth from him.

“You okay baby?” The name falls so casually from his lips and it grabs my attention quickly. “You don’t have t- fuck”

I draw out a long moan as I take his deep into my throat once again, getting past the constant need to gag. When I do gag, I try and not pull off completely and work around the tip again.

Chris decides that isn’t enough and uses the strands of hair he gathered to push my head back down onto his cock. Saliva drips from the corners of my mouth and I collect in my palm repeatedly, spreading it to the places my mouth can’t reach.

My eyes look back up to him, his face twisted in pleasure.

“If you keep looking at me l-like that I’m gonna c-cum, ma.” I hum in approval, sending vibrations down his dick. His grip on my hair tightens and pulls slightly whenever his hips jerk upwards.

I feel his dick twitch slightly in my mouth, signalling that he was close, so I slow down to tease him a little while longer.

“y/n…I’m close.” He moans breathlessly and pants through his words.

When he says this, I take him deep in my mouth, doing my best to supress my gags. He twitches again and his hips jerk up to hit the back of my throat. His grip on my hair tightens and he holds me in place.

“fuck..” He groans as he cums down my throat. I ignore the tears that prick at my eyes and swallow it all. My mouth leaves his dick but my hand remains pumping it to ride out his high. Small whimpers leave his lips once it starts to become too much and I look up at him, his face slightly fucked out.

“Was that okay?” I murmur quietly trying to break the silence.

“Ma, that was perfect, you looked so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” His words land heavily through his breaths but I smile up at him as he adjusts himself.

Chris is a little uneasy on his feet once his orgasm diminishes, the effects of weed only slightly weaker now. He pulls his boxers and jeans back up and looks me in the eyes as I follow suit and stand next to him. Fingers wrap around under my chin and pull me towards Chris for another kiss, allowing him to taste himself.

“I should get high with you more often, Chris” I speak against his lips making him pull back.

“Yeah? You’d be a fool to think this wasn’t happening again.”

© ENDEREIES 2024

@melliflws @axolotllover225 @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @sturniolosmind @worldlxvlys @patscorner @breeloveschris @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @mayhem-72 @luverboychris

[saucyjothoughts]

What would be each of them's go-to song for sex?

I wasn't initially going to answer this because opinions are going to be completely different for every boo (and I don't know any Slovenian music they might be into) but I ended up spending way too long thinking about it so here we go.

Bojan:

Come Together - the Beatles

Kris prefers the Godsmack cover but Bojan prefers the classic.

Wicked Game - Chris Isaak

So erotic and full of emotional turmoil that it's cliché - perfect for Bojan.

Lube - Adam Lambert

We know Bojan loves Freddie Mercury and Queen so it's not a big leap to find Adam Lambert's queer lustsongs.

Beggin' - the Maneskin cover

This song slaps and you can't tell be Bojan doesn't appreciate the opportunity to think about Damiano David when he's coming.

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

You know why.

Jan:

Toxic - Britney Spears

Jan probably has multiple Britney songs in his sexytimes playlist but this is his favourite.

FMLYHM - Seether

Fuck Me Like You Hate Me.

Shut Me Up - Mindless Self Indulgence

I love the idea of Jan finding this song/band as a teenager and being briefly obsessed. This song is still in his playlists.

Good Boy - Zee Machine

Kinda niche and Jan is always looking for new, lesser known artists. The fun 80s pop sounds that he likes, and shamelessly gay.

Beautiful Dangerous - Slash ft Fergie

You can't tell me Jan hasn't idolised Slash as some point and this song has such dirty female vocals.

Jure:

Hit That - the Offspring

Jure gives me strong Offspring vibes and this song gives slutty stray cat vibes with a perfect thrust tempo.

You Could Be Mine - Guns n Roses

I really wanted to give Jure some GNR and this song is probably in his sex playlist and his motorbike playlist.

Batshit - Sofi Tucker

He particularly enjoys being physical to this song when enjoying recreational substances.

I Was Made For Loving You - the Yungblud cover

This is a brilliant fucksong and I think Jure would love these raspy, raw vocals.

Shake That - Eminem, Nate Dogg

Jure loves an ironically misogynistic party song with a good beat. He also loves ass.

Bonus:

Community Property - Steel Panther

Not sure if this would be in his sex playlist but I'd love to see him try to play it during soundcheck and have Bojan shut him down as soon as he realises what the song is about.

Nace:

Slow n Easy - Whitesnake

I think Nace would appreciate the classics. And the way this song builds echoes how I imagine Nace fucks.

Suck My Kiss - Red Hot Chili Peppers

We know Nace loves Flea and this song is hot.

Crazy - Aerosmith

So smooth and soulful. And have you seen the video?

I Wanna Know What Love Is - Foreigner

Emotional sex and finally feeling like you belong? Yep, that's a Nace song.

Kiwi - Harry Styles

Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect. It reminds him of someone.

Kris:

Apocalyptic - Halestorm

A song about breakup hatefucking.

Feeling Good - the Muse cover

I just love how powerfully this song builds and relaxes and plays, especially for a man who loves edging.

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

There had to be some arctic Monkeys in here somewhere, and of course it's this song for Kris.

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself - the White Stripes cover

A perfect lapdance song. The yearning is real.

Kitchen Light - Xana

A heartbreak fucksong for the king of pining. It's not about anyone in particular. Nope, definitely not.

[beyondtheegress]

HUGE POST ABOUT EUPHORIA

Euphoria is a crazy ass show

*Disclaimer: these are just my own opinions, and I might discuss spoilers so beware!*

I've seen Euphoria a few times but haven't had the chance to watch it recently. And this recent rewatch has got me thinking.

1) The main thing, the large majority of the reason I like this show is the visuals. You have the admit the actual filmmaking is beautiful. So many shots are visually stunning and iconic. So much creativity was happening surrounding the show, especially in the makeup world. The way the show looks is the main reason I turn it on, just being honest. It's fun brain candy until it makes you want to kill yourself.

2) I think the choice for Rue to verbally narrate was a masterful decision. Of course she can be unreliable within her own story but outside of herself she is generally all-knowing about the other characters' stories; she is sardonic and sometimes provides relief for the audience. I liked it.

3) Honestly the representation was kinda nice. They never actually pointed and screamed that someone may be different from the white heteronormative standards. Everyone just existed and had no real issue with identities. (Nate excluded but we'll get there)

4) I never liked Jules and her inability to ever communicate a single emotion in a non-destructive way. But to be fair they BUTCHERED Jules' character in season two. Cal's whole story is so depressing; just made me sad. Love Maddie, she's so herself I think she's one of the strongest, most sure characters. Cassie really needs therapy. Kat's focus was super weak which was disappointing because she had a really fun personality. I actually really like Lexi, she's the most normal. FEZCO, I love that character; he actually has interesting motives and he's got a good heart.

5) Nate Jacobs. He is so incredibly frightening. His behavior is much more extreme than just feeling repressed. He broke into a man's house, beat him within an inch of his life, showered and dressed in that man's clothes, and then took his gf on a date (who he later physically abuses and puts a gun to her head). He is wired wrong, he enjoys having power over other people and he's dangerous.

6) The music is addictive.

7) The whole second season is absolutely bonkers and makes very little sense. I'm aware there was a lot going on behind the scenes and unfortunately I think that bled through on screen. The second season is just so DISORGANIZED. Characters get forgotten about for extra titty shots, it's kind of obnoxious.

8) Everyday I worry about that big bag of pills and the fact Rue owes an emotionless drug lord thousands. And her mom/friends got riiiiiid of it!!!! That shit is so scary. That was a loose end that desperately needed tying up.

9) WHY the fuck was this set in high school. The age thing was just a plot device and nothing more; it added very little. There's almost zero paternal consequences and how often do you hear any of the characters talk about class or homework?? Like that's all you do in high school. This should have been set in college. Not even to mention the massive amounts of graphic sex that's supposed to be between teenagers. College. Should've been college.

These are just my opinions! It's fun to debrief after watching something that has tons of plot holes, problems, and toxicity.

{This show paired with Bojack Horseman make for grade A emotional self harm 😅}

[paras1t1c-squ1dd]

Hi guys! Since it won the poll here's my REAL first ever Pizza tower au! It's more of a fan project since they don't really look like their Pizza Tower counterparts but :3c

Let me introduce you to.........

Drum roll.....

...

..

.

PUREE PILLAR!!

I've waited so long to show this AU to you guys I'm so excited!!!!!

Puree Pillar goes along with the usual pizza tower lore, owner of a business gets threatened by a giant sentient piece of food that wants to blow up their building yada yada yada....

BUT‼️‼️

The main character ain't no ordinary peppino no siree

Instead, they're basically entirely different!! They look... Nothing alike probably.

Let me introduce you to the characters!!

•◌•◌•◌•◌•◌•◌•◌•���•◌•◌•◌•◌•◌•◌•◌•

Susie! (Peppino) : Susie is a not-so-young (he's old as shit) woman running a small beverage shop called Susie's Smoothies! (You will never guess what she sells. /j) Yeah, he has a smoking addiction she can't get rid of, but that doesn't stop her from kicking ass!!!!! (He is very depressed) AND on top of that!! She's a war veteran!! Crazy right!! She had a group of 3 other friends that had passed away during the war. Poor Susie can't catch a break... But on a lighter note, she rides a motorcycle! Woah!!

Next up we have..

Mia!! (Gustavo) : Mia is Susie's best friend and has been since they were wee little children! How adorable!! They've been with Susie through thick and thin, always helping each other out! (But Mia is not in fact, a war veteran like Susie.) She works with Susie and helps her run the shop. They care a lot about each other!! And her giant pet hedgehog Pebble!! :3c

(God this is getting long)

Berry! (The Noise) : Berry is a circus performer along with his girlfriend Drupe! Him and Susie are rivals, always getting into fights those two.. Berry is his stage name! What's his real name you say? I have no fucking clue

Drupe! (Noisette) : As stated before, Drupe is Berry's girlfriend! She runs her own little bakery somewhere in the pillar! (Or well, tower)

The Assailant. (The Vigilante) : He's a sentient glop of smoothie that anyone who dares to break the law must answer to! He's quite a fancy fella, but if you break a law.. Pray! Cause your ass MIGHT die!!! And he thinks he's a real human being! What a weirdo (/j)!!

DJ Apple! (Pepperman): DJ here is quite a cool guy! He makes sick beats that everyone enjoys! So much so they might break a hip from dancing too hard! Where did he get that chunk bit out of him? Why is his hand missing? ..... Who knows! But he still manages to make some good music!

Fake Susie! (Fake Peppino) : Whatever this thing is, it's creepy! How did it get in here! Why does she look so much like Susie? It's weird!! It's entirely made of smoothie, kinda like The Assilent! But why is she not as intelligent as him? Sometimes she can be found in vents! How the fuck did he get in there get him out

(I'm pretty sure you know what the purpose of the ingredients ((toppins)) are so I won't write about them)

Mr Trick! (Mr Stick) : Mr Trick here is a scammer!! Watch out!! He's very greedy, and would choose money over anything!

Nate! (Snick) : It's him!!

Orange Head... (Pizza Head) : He's the big bad of the pillar! The one who started it all! Boy I hate this guy! He knows... Strangely a lot about Susie... I wonder why!

Orange Face... (Pizza face) : He's a giant floating hunk of junk made by Orange Head! It's only that big so he can fit his fat ass inside!! Orange face chases Susie out of the levels once the timer reaches 0 so she can't get out! But Susie is usually too fast for him.

And last but not least...

Jerald! (Gerome) : He's the janitor/plumber of the pillar, the only one that has the key to special rooms!

GOD THAT WAS A LOT

anywaysss I hope you guys will enjoy this au as much as I do! Which is a lot!! This is basically my main au since I've been focusing on it a lot lately

But yeah!!! Holy shit!!! I can finally share this!!

[drjpresents]

27th May 2024 - DJ Set - Track List

I had the incredible privilege of DJing some cinematic soul for friends at their wedding at the end of last month, rounding off a bank holiday weekend!

Loads of funk, jazz, Motown, funky house, hip-hop, broken beat and beyond! Massive shout out to my hosts for inviting and entrusting me with the finale of your big day! The amazing staff at Viet Hoa Cafe and Mess for the hospitality and support with setup and set down and, of course to the amazing guest who danced their feet off throughout the course of the night and shared kind feedback directly with me and the hosts too! I had a huge amount of fun at this gig (as pictured, ha ha!) For any of you there who were curious about any of the tracks played for the warmup and during the main event, I’ve popped it all in a video of you swipe to the end! And of course, if this kinda music is up your street and you’d like me to spin for you, hit me up and we’ll see if we can work something out!

The Warm Up

Chola - The Nostalgia 77 Octet

Escape Velocity - Menagerie

Settle The Score - Cookin' On 3 Burners

Take What You Need - The New Mastersounds

Tbilisi Sunset (Skit) - Fulgeance & DJ Scientist

2 Minutes To Midnight - Dr. J

Saudade De Maecenas - S.O.L Collective

Take A Break - Sven Wunder

Bergen Sunrays feat. Selim Mutic - Espen Horne

I Did It For You - Tom Misch & Yussef Dayes

African Mailman - The Rhythmagic Orchestra

Dub y Guaguanco - Quantic Presenta Flowering Inferno

Sweet Love Affair - Resonators

The Get Down - Jonny Drop

Feel Involved In Love Feat. Mr. Tanqueray - Tall Black Guy

Loving Someone (Part 1) - Jaguar Skills & Omar

I Predict A Riot - Carolina Lins & Os Planatos

The First Dance

Chicken Wings - Samm Henshaw

The Main Event

Get Up (I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine - James Brown

Crazy In Love - Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z

It Takes Two - Marvin Gaye & Kim Weston

What A Man - Linda Lyndell

Sài Gòn (1965) [Remastered] - Trúc Mai

Work It Out - Speedometer

Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac

Under the Sea / Flyers Drive - The Fearless Flyers

Funky Nassau, Pt. 1 - The Beginning Of The End

Arraino - Popular Cooper and His All Beats Band

Bomba Trópica - Ondatrópica

Is This Love - Bob Marley & The Wailers

Help Me Make It Through The Night - John Holt

All I Do Is Think About You Featuring Christopher Ellis - Quantic Presenta Flowering Inferno

My Light - SAULT

It Runs Through Me - Tom Misch

The Way You Make Me Feel - The Kount and Marc Rebillet featuring Moods

Avenue Joffre (Instrumental) - The Shanghai Restoration Project

Un Canto A Mi Tierra (J-Boogie Remix) - Quantic and His Combo Bárbaro

Keep On Loving Me - Onra

Ooh Wee (featuring Ghostface Killah, Nate Dogg, Trife & Saigon) (Amended Version) - Mark Ronson

(Are You Ready) Do The Bus Stop / Suga - The Fatback Band/Sarah Ruba

Ain't Nobody ft. Sharlene Hector - Jack & Juke

Thinking - Louis Cole

Get Lucky (Radio Edit) - Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams

Cosmic Girl - Jamiroquai

Candy - Cameo

Treat U Good - Moods feat. Noah Slee, Lyriya, Meron

Digital Love - Daft Punk

Delight (Instrumental) - Dr. J

Red Alert - Basement Jaxx

Caravan - Mark de Clive-Lowe & the Rotterdam Jazz Orchestra

Not So Blue - Quantic

Superstylin' - Groove Armada

Re-Rewind (The Crowd Say Bo Selecta) (Radio Edit) - The Artful Dodger

Hold It Down (Bugz in the Attic's Co-operative Mix) - 4hero

Body Groove (Original Mix MC Version) - Architechs

Dancing (Original) - Omar & Zed Bias

Loving You Is Easy - Camo & Krooked

Mesablanca - O'Flynn

Lk (feat. Stamina MC) - DJ Marky & XRS

Tremendo Boogaloo (Fluid Mechanics Remix) - Manteca

Last Goodbye (Feat. Celestine) - Break

Move on Up - Curtis Mayfield

I Say A Little Prayer - Martha Reeves & The Vandellas

Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross

Light My Fire - Stevie Wonder

It's Dancing Time - Mr. Scruff & Quantic

Evil Vibrations - The Rebirth

It's Dancing Time - Mr. Scruff & Quantic

Back To Life (Scrimshire, Waaaaaaait For it, Edit) - Scrimshire

8th Wonder (Pressure Drop Remix) - The Sugarhill Gang

Jumpin' Jumpin' (Jean Tonique Remix) - Destiny's Child

Joints & Jam Album Version  - The Black Eyed Peas

Dragonball Durag - Thundercat

A Little Bit Of Love (Souleance "C'est La Fête" Re-edit) - Brenda Russell vs Souleance

Shelter - junior state

[bl4ckasjet]

Nate's blabbers #3

Being demi aroace is so weird. I can absolutely get a celebrity crush and be "in love" with them so fucking easily but when actually interacting with others ? Nah. I need a genuine emotional connection that takes a while to build. It's not as simple as "oh yeah they're hot I wanna date them". It takes time, I gotta learn more about you, I gotta spend time with you and form memories as friends before even falling in love, otherwise I'm just like nah. However, if I have a crush its rewl obvious.

OH BUT OH GOD CELEBRITY CRUSHES ?? JESUS CHRIST THOSE ARE CRAZY (probably because of how neurodivergent I am and a celebrity crush usually leads me to hyperfixate). No because like by now, if we're mutuals, you def know that I got a fat fucking celeb crush on Adam Gontier. Oh God I NEED to tell yall about how that shit happened, it's actually super dumb.

Okay so, on the 10th of January 2024 (yes, I got the date, WHAT ABOUT IT), I thought to myself "yk what I feel like rewatching the music video for Scars by Papa Roach". I went on YouTube and watched it. Very great time. I replayed it a few times because the song hits fuckin hard, then I let it end and a certain music video played. It was Pain by Three Days Grace !! I didn't pay much attention at first because I was playing games on my phone but then I peeked at the screen and saw Adam during the bridge and was like "woah woah woah lemme replay this shit". So, I replayed the music video and watched it. The bridge part came back and I was like "wait why's he kinda hot..." I couldn't stop rewatching the MV. I then proceeded to google him. (Now I knew of three days grace before, they are my first ever rock band I listened to when I was like what 3 yrs old on my dad's old ass iPhone). I saw images of him and was like "woah well okay this is def just a "wow he looks good" situation". I was wrong. Then I messaged @vahntoki like "BRO LOOK AT THIS GUY HES HOT HIS NAME IS ADAM GONTIER !!" Toki agreed and then I hissed at him. I'm now hyperfixated on probably smth I never expected to be hyperfixated on and its probably turning into my special interest im very happy about it tbh bc I LOVE IT ! Adam makes me happyyyy and I love seeing content of him. OH AND HIM AND HIS FAMILY ARE SO ADORABLE !! THEY SEEM SOSO HAPPY AND I FIND THAT AMAZING AND ADAM CENSORS HIS KIDS FACE FOR THEIR PRIVACY. I love seeing what kinda thing he's done or does. Little silly Grace man. Oh and saint asonia is amazing band by Adam too he made after leaving tdg SOOOOO GOOOD UGHHH I LOVE DIGGING AROUND AND FINDING SECRET ACCOUSTIC SONGS HE WROTE AND WATCHING HIS V-LOGS.

Okay this post is long I'm gonna stfu now LMAO

[madfoxx]

tv recommendation: “Uncle”

Guys, if youre bored and looking for a new show to watch while all our favorites are on hiatus, I recommend the british tv series “Uncle”. Its a surprinsingly good story about a selfish, immature musician in his 30s, who basically feels his life is not worth living because he´s a failure and his girlfriend has left him, but then he bonds with his 12 year old nephew and they become best friends and write music and do stupid shit together and generally make each others lives better. Eventually the protagonist learns to be responsible and (kinda) selfless and they have this sort of found family vibe with a lot of amazing side-characters. Its pretty typical (dark) british humour, but it has a lot of amazing actors in it and the storylines are sometimes stupid and funny and sometimes really touching and emotional. There are musical numbers and it sort of feels like a genderswapped, british version of “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” crossed with “About a Boy”. There are 3 seasons in total (about 6 episodes each), so its pretty manageable and you dont have to worry that they jump the shark.

I also think that the cameos and side characters are really gonna make a lot of people on tumblr happy.

exhibit a:

Con O´Neill (aka “Izzy Hands” from “Our Flag Means Death”) as Val, an amazing character that I have fallen deeply in love with. They are the single parent of the protagonists ex-girlfriend and own a gay stripclub. Val is wise, beautiful and absoluetly ready to kick ass and take names if anyone threatens their family or friends. They are a part of the regular ensemble and (reluctantly) join the protagonists found family.

Brett Goldstein (aka “Roy Kent” in “Ted Lasso”) as Casper. Casper is pretty much Roy Kent. He´s a cool base player who also happens to be the new boyfriend of the protagonists ex-girlfriend, which is why they hate each other in the beginning. He pretends to be an asshole, but is actually a sweetheart and a great boyfriend and is also involuntarily sucked into the found family trope.

Kayvan Novak (aka “Nandor the Relentless” from “What We Do In The Shadows”) He only appears in one episode, but I´m always so happy to see him that I had to include him on the list. He plays Mo Khan, an asshole producer in the Music Industry who wants to sign on the protagonists nephew, therefore heartlessly ripping apart the family band. He´s a horrible person and love him.

Nick Mohammed (aka “Nathan” from “Ted Lasso”) He´s not a regular but appears a couple of times as the owner of a carpet store. He´s like Nate before he turned to the dark side - really sweet and generous. Its a healing experience to see that innocent smile again, almost makes you forget that harrowing TL finale.

---

There are many more awesome cameos (May Martin, Gemma Whelan, Jamie Demetriou, Amanda Abbington, Dylan Moran etc) but since most of them only appear for one episode each, I´m not going to make this post any longer than necessary. The rest of the main cast is awesome and talented as well, I simply havent included them because they are not tumblr-famous (yet), but I pretty much love all characters in this show. No-one is 2-dimensional or boring, everyone has their problems and their own history to deal with.

Basically, I just wanted to inform you all that this show exists and I would recommend watching it - if the particular style is to your liking. There are funny moments and dark moments but overall the themes of growth and friendship are really nice and surprisingly earnest. Its not something for the history books and the og music is (in my opinion) not quite as good as in “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” but I would say its a hidden gem that more people should know about.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Dummy

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: Peter is the only one of the Avengers who doesn’t tease you for being a little slow 

Masterlist

Now you weren’t exactly dumb.

You were just a little slow.

When you joined the Avengers last year, the team learned pretty quickly that your mind moved at a different pace than everyone else. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and it didn’t keep you from doing your job, it just meant you were the butt of most of the jokes. Every time one of your blunders happened, your intelligence would be mocked in some way. You knew it was all in good fun, but it hurt to it feelings every now and then. The only person who never poked fun at you was Peter. And for that reason, he was your favorite on the team.

“How are there 23 minutes left in this movie and I still don’t know any of the characters names?” Steve wondered as you all sat in the couch in Stark Towers, watching a movie on a particularly rainy afternoon.

“I think the main kids name is Phoenix. That’s all I got though.” Sam shook his head, just as confused as Steve.

“The dogs name is Benson.” Bucky mumbled quietly.

“Who names their kid Phoenix?” Peter wondered out loud as he shoveled popcorn into his mouth. The two of you were tucked into the corner of the couch, sharing a blanket and bowl of popcorn. You looked at him like he was crazy when you heard his question.

“Ummm, Joaquin Phoenix’s parents.” You scoffed and rolled your eyes. You turned your attention back to the movie as a silence settled in the room. You felt everyone’s eyes on you after a minute and looked around to see everyone staring at you with a dumbfounded expression.

“What?” You asked shyly, shrinking down a little in your seat in discomfort.

“That’s his last name.” Sam stated, chuckling a little under his breath. You realized your mistake and felt your face heat up.

“Oh.” You mumbled, your voice getting drowned out as the rest of the Avengers laughed at your expense.

“Did she really just say that?” Nat looked at the group with a playful smile. Everyone, excluding Peter, nodded as their laughter died down.

“Oh my God.” Steve chuckled. “That’s so stupid.”

There was that word again.

He didn’t mean it maliciously. Steve was the kinda of guy who ushered spiders into a magazine so he could let them outside. And yet, it still stung when he said that word.

Stupid.

You smiled sheepishly and tried to focus on the movie, snuggling closer to Peters side until it ended. You were fully aware that he was the only one who didn’t laugh, and you loved him that.

And maybe you loved him for a few other reasons too.

~

“Alright. Who has money for the subway?” Sam asked the group as he patted his empty pockets. You were on another late night trip to get cookies from a specific shop in Times Square, leaving without Tony’s knowledge. Everyones hands went to their pockets and collectively made a face.

“Not me.” Rhodey shrugged.

“I don’t have any.” Bruce added.

“I don’t even have pockets.” Nat realized.

“I have gum.” Peter proudly produced a silver wrapper from his pocket. “Oh wait, it’s just a wrapper.”

“You’re telling me we’re earth’s mightiest heroes and we’re broke?” Sam shook his head is disdain.

“I gave my last dollar to a guy in the subway for playing music.” Peter defended himself.

“What was he playing?” You asked him as you tiredly leaned against his arm.

“A mandolin.” Peter answered, making your face scrunch up.

“That’s a language.” You laughed at him slightly, feeling empowered by having the upper hand. Everyone looked at you and a few of them snorted.

“Mandarin is a language.” Bruce said gently, not wanting to embarrass you further. “Not mandolin.” 

“What?” You blinked in confusion and looked to Peter for answers.

“A mandolin is an instrument, dummy.” Sam chortled. You smiled tightly as the group laughed at your mistake, looking down to hide your blush.

“Oh. Sorry. My bad.” You laughed shyly as you tucked your hair behind your ear and pretending to read a nearby sign.

“That’s okay.” Peter spoke up in your defense. “They sound really similar. Plus like, French, French Horn. Who knows what’s going on?”

“Yeah.” Bucky said softly. “Or like, bra’s aren’t pointy anymore.”

Bruce nodded like it made perfect sense and Sam just shook his head as he texted.

“What?” You whispered to Peter, not knowing what he meant.

“He’s from the 1920s. He’s still adjusting.” Peter whispered to you out of the corner of his mouth before looking at Bucky. “That’s the spirit. Kind of.”

“FRIDAY is sending a car.” Sam informed the group. “This is never happening again. The cookies aren’t that good.”

“They’re pretty good.” Rhodey shrugged, but wanting the late Nate tradition to end. Sam looked at him for a moment before breaking into a smile.

“Hell yeah they are. Let’s do this again tomorrow.”

~

Bruce found you in the lab the next day with a pin between your teeth and a pencil behind your ear. Papers with drawings of suits were scattered around the table as you measured a piece of black fabric.

“What are you doing?” Bruce wondered as he took a seat across from you. You glanced up at him before marking a dot on the fabric.

“Mr. Stark asked me to help him with the new suits. I’m trying to make a fabric template for Nat’s gloves.” You told him as you smoothed the fabric out.

“Is it hard?” He asked, watching you intently as you worked.

“Not really.” You shrugged and took a step back to examine your work. “Okay. How many holes do we need? 1,2,3,4,5.” You counted your fingers. “Okay. Five holes.”

You sat back down and put five dots where her fingers would be to mark where you had to cut. You heard a slight chuckle from Bruce and looked up at him curiously.

“Did you just count your fingers?” He asked slowly, wanting to make sure he saw what he thought he had. “To know how many fingers Nat has?”

Your face burned when you realized how dumb you looked, in front of a scientific genius no less.

“Oh, Uh, yeah.” You stammered, feeling very insecure with him watching you now. You moved slower than before and second guessed moves you’d already made a hundred times. Bruce sensed your discomfort and got out of his seat, tapping the table twice as he thought.

“Have you ever heard the expression “the lights are on but nobody’s home’?” He asked you and you were grateful he changed the subject.

“Yeah, I think I have.” You smiled, proud of yourself for knowing something.

“It reminds me of you.” Bruce said so politely that you didn’t realize it was an insult at first. He left the lab to find Tony, leaving you feeling embarrassed and a little hurt. Everyone knew Bruce could hurt you ten times worse with his words than the Hulk could with his fists, you’d just never been his target before. You slumped down in your seat and continued making the gloves, your mood significantly dampened from before he came in the room.

~

You walked into the kitchen the next morning, sleepily rubbing your eyes. You pressed a chaste kiss on Peters shoulder as you passed him, also more affectionate to your best friend when you were half asleep. You smiled at Rhodey, who was seated at the bar and skimming through a newspaper.

“Did you eat yet?” You asked him through a yawn as you got out yogurt and fruit for yourself.

“No. I needed my coffee first.” He smiled sleepily at you and held up his mug.

“Oh, you mean your sugar with a spoonful of coffee?” You teased him. “Yeah, it’s good you got that out of the way.”

“I prefer it this way. The sugar wakes me up.” Peter defended his drink as he took a sip.

“That’s what the caffeine is supposed to do, mi amor.” You laughed as you ruffled his bed head ridden hair. He was about to make a comeback when his stomach rumbles loudly.

“Someone’s hungry.” You remarked. “Do you want eggs?”

“No thanks.” Peter shook his head. “I can’t eat eggs alone.”

“Well I’m here. And Rhodey’s right there, so you’re not alone.” You told him. “And I can grab Steve and Bucky. They’re just in the other room.”

Rhodey looked up from his newspaper with raised eyebrows and looked at Peter. Peter set his mug down and made a face at Rhodey that told him not to say anything. You looked between the two of them in confusion as you wondered what was going on.

“I meant alone as in without toast, sweetness.” Peter said gently, not wanting you to feel dumb for misunderstanding. “But I am glad you’re here.”

“Oh.” You faked a smile and shrugged like it was no big deal. Peter had handled the situation with ease and you didn’t feel as embarrassed as you normally would. That is until…

“You know, Y/n, it’s a good thing you’re pretty.” Rhodey nodded before going back to his newspaper. You froze with your spoonful of yogurt midway to your mouth and looked at him. He didn’t actually call you dumb, but it was implied. You looked at Peter to see if he was thinking the same thing, but his face had nothing but kindness on it.

“You are pretty.” He agreed with Rhodey. “But you’re a lot of other things too.”

You cracked a smile and rubbed his back for a moment in appreciation.

“Thanks Peter.” You said softly and went back to your breakfast. Not wanting to worry him, you ignored the way Rhodey’s comment made you feel and tried to push it from your mind. But no hard you tried to focus on other things, you had one thought prodding at the back of your head.

You were dumb.

~

A week went by without anyone poking fun at your intelligence. You had a sneaking suspicion Peter had something to do with the lack of comments, but you said nothing. It was nice to have a break from all the teasing and it made hanging out with the team more enjoyable. You all lingered around the kitchen one day, eating all different kinds of lunch when Tony came in the room.

“Eat up, funky bunch.” He clapped his hands. “We have a mission in Alaska to train for and I need all hands on deck. Cap, do you think you can teach Peter that spinny thingy you do?”

“I can try.” Steve looked at Peter and nodded.

“Great. I’m getting a manicure. I’ll be back around noon.” Tony informed you all.

“Wait, I thought you said all hands on deck.” You tilted your head at him.

“I did. Which I why I have to make sure my hands look the best.” Tony waved flirtatiously, wiggling his fingers around like a teenage girl. He smirked as his action was met with some eye rolls and a few chuckles before leaving the room.

“I can’t believe we’re going to Alaska.” Peter nudged you excitedly and you smiled with glee.

“Is Alaska the same as the North Pole? Or am I thinking of Antarctica?” Sam wondered out loud.

“No. The North Pole is all the way at the top. Alaska is below California. Like by Texas.” You said confidently, proud that you knew information that someone else didn’t. Your pride quickly dissipated when you saw the teams faces twist in amusement.

“Wait a minute.” Steve looked at you like you were joking. You shrugged, letting him know you weren’t. Sam burst out laughing and clapped his hands as the rest of the team began to laugh.

“Absolutely not.” Sam grinned as he wiped a tear from his eye.

“Yes it is.” You insisted. “Look at any US map. It’s on the bottom by Hawaii.”

You were getting angry now. You knew you were right this time and they were still teasing you.

“No.” Bucky shook his head is dismissal. “No.”

“Alaska is below California on every map I’ve ever seen. You’re telling me I’m wrong?” You our your hand on your hip and stared at them.

“100%. I am 100% telling you you’re wrong.” Sam said between his laughter. Peter came to your side and showed you a picture of a map on his phone.

“Alaska is US territory but it’s not connected to the rest of the states. They just put it below California on maps to show it’s a part of the US. Thats not actually where it’s located.” He said quietly. You looked at the map for a few seconds before you realized he was right. And if he was right…

You were wrong.

“Oh.” You smiled apologetically and averted your eyes. “Oops.”

You turned around and pretending to clean up the kitchen to hide your searing blush. Your fingers clenched around your sponge when you heard the teasing laughter from behind you.

“Sometimes I wonder how you made it out of high school.” Steve joked as he threw out the crusts of his sandwich. The comment stung you and you began to scrub the counter faster so you could leave the room sooner. Peter could see your shoulders tense and put a reassuring hand on your back. You gave him a tight lipped smiled before putting your dish in the sink.

“I’m still wondering how she made it out of first grade.” Nat teased you and she poked your side.

“I can’t believe she made it out of the womb in the first place with nobody telling her where to go.” Sam said, making everyone laugh loudly. You abruptly threw a dish in the sink, making everyone go silent. You tuned around slowly and faked a smile.

“Haha. Yeah.” You forced a laugh. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

You swiftly left the room before anyone could catch your tears. You felt stupid for even getting upset over it, but their words hurt. Feeling like you were always the dumbest person in the room was taking a toll on you, especially when you weren’t the only one who felt that way. Peter watched you leave with sympathetic eyes, feeling his own frustration bubble at the sound of the team laughing at you. He thought they had listened the first time he told them to stop making fun of you, but they clearly hadn’t. After seeing the pained look on your face, Peter made a decision.

It was never going to happen again.

~

“Ugh. I’m never gonna get this right.” Peter groaned as he messed up the move Steve was trying to teach him once again.

“You’re getting too much inside your head. Just let it happen naturally.” Steve instructed as he resumed his stance. Peter tried the move again, wiping out and landing on his side with a thud. You watched him out of the corner of your eye as you spared with Nat.

“I can’t.” Peter got up and rubbed his arm. “I can’t do it.”

Steve nodded, like he was accepting Peters defeat. You stopped sparing and looked at Peter.

“Yes you can. Come on, Peter.” You encouraged him. “Everyone told Van Gogh that he couldn’t be an artist because he only had one ear but he did it anyway.”

The room feel silent, as it often did when you spoke, and everyone looked down.

“Oh dear Lord.” Rhodey sighed and hung his head and he snickered. You could see everyone else fighting back laughter or cracking a smile, yet saying nothing.

“What?” You crossed your arms in annoyance, looming to Peter for help.

“He chopped his ear off after becoming an artist.” Peter said kindly. “He wasn’t born without one.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but Tony beat you to it.

“Speaking of ears, do you think of you shone a light in one of Y/n’s ears, it would come out the other ear?” Tony quipped, making everyone laugh. The tips of your ears burned as that feeling of stupidity sunk in again. You undid the Velcro on your boxing gloves and pretended to wipe sweat from your face as you rushed to the bin where the gloves went. You kept your back to the group and pretending to be putting your gloves away when you were really concealing your pained expression.

“Yes.” Nat jeered. “Yes I do.”

Your shoulders slumped with exhaustion as you turned around, making every effort to keep your face neutral. Your face didn’t give away any signs of sadness, but your knuckles turning white from how hard you were gripping the bin gave your true feelings away. Peter noticed this and felt his jaw clench. If you weren’t gonna tell them to stop, he was.

“Leave her alone, guys.” He commanded the crowd before looking at you. “Thanks for the encouragement, Y/n. I’m gonna keep trying.”

“It’s fine.” You nodded curtly. “I’m gonna hit the showers. I’ll see you guys at dinner.”

You walked out of the gym, pausing in place when you heard Sams voice.

“Hit the showers?” He laughed. “We just started.”

“Shhh. Don’t confuse the poor girl any further.” Bruce joked back. You looked back at the gym with your eyebrows knit together, taking a quiet step closer to hear what they were saying about you without you there.

“She’s probably like, ‘whats this magic closet that makes rain?’” Rhodey imitated your voice, making you sound as dense as possible.

“Knock it off guys. It’s not funny.” Peter snapped, but the teasing continued.

“Or like, ‘this shampoo says it adds volume, but I used it and I can’t hear any louder than before’.” Tony mocked you, skipping around a little like a child. Your face contorted in misery as they made fun of you. You knew who they really were, and they were good people. They didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, they were only joking around like they did with everyone. Steve was teased all the time for his old fashioned dialect and no one lets Tony live down the kimono incident. Still, all their insults and mockery cut you like a knife.

“Ahh, I love that girl.” Nat shook her head with a smile. “She’s so dumb.”

“She may be slow, but she’s entertaining as hell.” Sam nodded in agreement.

“I said knock it off.” Peter repeated, getting a reaction this time.

“Aw. Peters mad because we’re teasing his girlfriend.” Nat pouted and pinched Peters cheek. She quickly realized how wholesome she was being and punched Bucky in the face to maintain her lethal assassin persona.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Peter grumbled. Now that you were out of the room, he was the next target.

“He’s right. Hey, maybe that’s why you guys haven’t gotten together yet.” Rhodey shrugged. “She’s too stupid to realize you’re in love with her.”

That was all you had to hear. You ran towards your with tears running down your face. Thanks to Peters advanced heating, he heard every heavy footstep.

“Okay. Maybe she is a little slow.” Peter shook his head in disdain at the team. “But you guys are idiots.”

~

You were quiet the entire way to Alaska, keeping to yourself and silently looking out the window. Peter attempted to talk to you once or twice, but he could tell you wanted to be alone. The Avengers completed the mission within a few hours with minor damage to the area. Peter focused on his job but found himself looking for you every now and then, being as you usually stayed together during missions. He didn’t see you anywhere and assumed you were doing your own thing on the other side of the field. He heart rest assured when he saw you boarding the jet, still looking reserved and aloof from the rest of the team. You took a seat by the window and rested your chin on your hand, looking out at the bleak landscape in front of you as the jet took off. Peter didn’t engage in small talk with the rest of the team and wistfully stared at you instead, silently willing you to cheer up.

“I think that went pretty well.” Rhodey nodded and the team agreed. “But where were you the whole time, Y/n? Picking daisies?”

Peter held his breath as you slowly turned around. You gave Rhodey a frigid smile and shook your head.

“We came during a blizzard so I used my powers to create a heated force field around the area we were in to prevent frostbite and give you guys and easier time seeing in the snow. We were also at a higher altitude than any of us are used to so I kept the air pressure to sea level standard.” You said simply. “And I assumed there would be smoke from the battle so I rounded up the nearby animals and made a separate for field around them to protect their lungs.”

The room went silent, something you were used to at this point. But instead of everyone falling silent because they were laughing at you, they were impressed.

“Oh.” Rhodey blinked in surprise, not expecting the answer he was given.

“I also picked this flower.” You smiled proudly as you produced a Forget Me Not from your lap. Peter couldn’t keep the grin from breaking through on his face. You were the center of attention once again, but in a good way this time. Everyone was pleasantly surprised with what you had done and it showed.

“I didn’t think about the altitude.” Nat realized.

“I had no idea there was a blizzard.” Steve added, looking dumbfounded.

“Because I kept you from knowing.” You shrugged. “I wanted you guys to focus on the mission.”

“I mean, I knew. I just didn’t tell you guys because I was so distracted by my buffed and polished nails.” Tony twiddled his fingers again, showing off his freshly manicured nails. You all laughed, breaking the tension in the jet.

“Well look at that.” Sam looked impressed. “Y/n knew something we didn’t.”

It was almost a compliment, but it still made you feel insecure. You didn’t want it to be this mind boggling every time you did something useful.

“Thanks, Y/n. That was really smart.” Peter said softly as he patted your knee. You put your hand over his and squeezed it. It was the first time someone called your smart, and it made you feel good.

“It was really smart.” Sam said skeptically. He stared at you for a moment before poking your side.

“What are you doing?” You swatted his hand away.

“Just making sure you’re still in there.” He eyed you suspiciously. Peter could sense the attention was making you uncomfortable and changed the subject.

“Are we almost home?” He asked Tony before peering out the window. The flight was a little over 7 hours on a normal plane, but the Stark jet was much quicker. The flight would only take a few hours, but Peter was not known for being patient.

“Yes, Peter. We are almost back at the tower. You can get your diaper changed and your bottle as soon as we get back.” Tony sassed him, making him shrink in his seat. Your body language had completely changed and your were now sitting straight, facing the group. Peter was glad you were feeling better and didn’t even mind Tony’s comment.

“Guys, let’s be civil. We’re all tired. We all want to get home.” You said calmly. “Let’s just focus on how pretty the sky looks tonight. Isn’t is pretty, Peter?”

He gazed at your profile as you looked out the window at the stars, admiring how pretty you looked from the side.

“Yeah. It’s beautiful.” He conceded without ever taking his eyes off you. You shot him a smile before looking straight ahead at the dashboard.

“Wow, the moon is huge!” You pointed time a large yellow crescent that could be seen through the window.

“That’s literally the reflection of my banana on the windshield.” Tony deadpanned. He may have been right, but it still looked pretty.

“Should we make a wish?” You asked Peter, ignoring Tony’s comment.

“On the banana?” He asked.

“Yes.” You nodded. “On the banana.”

“Why?” Rhodey asked. “It’s not like people wish on the moon.”

“It feels like we should.” You said with confidence.

“Yep. She’s still in there.” Sam chuckled. And just like that, your confidence receded.

“I hate it here.” Bucky sighed heavily and tuned out of the conversation.

“It must be so peaceful being you, Y/n.” Tony remarked.

“Why do you say that?” You wondered.

“Because instead of thinking about your problems and mistrials, you simply don’t think at all.” Tony said suavely. In only a better for minutes, you’d gone from being the hero to the laughing stock of the group. The sly comments and taunting laughter made you feel like you should stop opening your mouth entirely. You faked a smile and turned back towards the window, tuning out the rest of the way home. Peter chewed his lip as he stared at you, feeling useless to helping you out. The team just wouldn’t let up, no matter how many times he told them to stop. Knowing you weren’t in the mood to talk, he scooted closer to you and put a comforting hand on your back. You smiled warmly at him and rested your head on his shoulder, listening to him point out the constellations the whole way home.

~

The next day, you and Peter were sitting in the balcony, working on some new gadgets for Mr. Stark when Peter made a startling discovery.

“Where’s my right web shooter?” Peter stood up in a panic when he realized it was missing. “I left it right here.”

“Maybe a bird carried it off.” You shrugged as you twisted a tiny screw into Peters left web shooter.

“I’m being serious, Y/n.” Peter stated. “Mr. Stark is going to kill me and turn me into a decorative rug if I lost it.”

“I’m being serious too. We live in New York and I see birds around here all the time.” You told him as you continued your work. “And you know the pigeons here are feral. A bird probably stole it to pay for his child support.”

Peter usually entertained your antics and joined in with his own batch of sarcasm, but he wasn’t in the mood. His web shooter was missing and their were actual stakes involved. Without his web shooter, he couldn’t be Spiderman. And without Spider-Man, he couldn’t be an Avenger.

“Can you be serious for once?“ Peter whined, picking up everything on the table to look under it.

“I’m just saying it’s possible, Peter. You never know.” You insisted as you put your screw driver down to help him look. You began looking in the flower pots on the windowsill that you and Peter had planted. Peter stopped his search for a moment, growing angry with you for wasting time. He didn’t know if you were joking around or genuine believed his web shooter was in the flower pots, but it made him frustrated nonetheless. A combination of his lack of sleep and stress over losing the webshooter manifested into a moment of unchecked rage.

“No, it’s not possible.” He snapped. “A bird didn’t steal my web shooter. God, do you have to be so stupid?” 

 The word hung in the air for a moment, settling in to the both of you. Peters eyes immediately softened, feeling instant regret for what he had said. You stopped trifling through the plants and slowly turned around.

“What?” You asked quietly. Peter tightened his lips into a line and tried to justify what he had said.

“I try to defend you but you make it so hard. Can you help me out a little here and not be so…” He trailed off when he realized he had only made it worse. Your face hardened and you looked disappointed in Peter, which killed him. He would have preferred anger or even sadness, but the disappointment killed him.

“So what?” You shrugged. “Finish your sentence Peter.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“No, really, go ahead.” You stated coldly. “You got this far. So what, Peter?”

He looked at you for a moment, getting that feeling of wishing you could turn back time just a few seconds to fix a mistake.

“So dumb all the time.” He finished his sentence with an unsteady voice. Your face scrunched up in a pained expression as you sucked in and let out a shaky breath.

“You were the only one who never called me that.” You whimpered before moving past him and going inside. Peter watched you through the open balcony doors as you disappeared into the hallway with a heavy heart. His mouth was open to apologize, but you were long gone. He’d seen you being ridiculed so many times already, and now he was the one doing it. All that talk about it never happening again, only for him to be the reason it happened. Peter couldn’t live with himself for another minute without you knowing how sorry he was. He took a step towards the doorway until he heard a pigeon land on the table. He watched it curiously for a moment as it pecked at the screwdriver you had been using before picking it up with its beak. It flew over to the edge and began to walk along the railing, still keeping the screwdriver in his mouth. Peter followed the pigeon, walking all the way down the balcony to find a large nest in the corner. He watched as it dropped the screwdriver into its nest, right next to his web shooter.

“Holy shit. A bird stole my web shooter.” Peter said in disbelief. Peter watched as baby pigeons poked out from inside the web shooter to greet the other pigeon.

“Holy shit. A bird stole my web shooter for his kids.” Peters eyes widened even more than they already were. Realized struck him and his shoulders slumped.

“She was right.” He mumbled, angry at himself more than ever. “I yelled at her and she was right.”

Peter wasted no time in rescuing his web shooter from the birds, offering them a nice biodegradable coffee cup in its place, and ran to the kitchen to make you a peace offering. He knocked softly on your door and didn’t wait for an answer before going in.

“I made you this cup of tea as an apology.” Peter stiffly held out a mug with an awkward smile on his face. You looked at Peter from your bed, eyes puffy like you had been crying. You stared at each other for a long time, you with a death glare and Peter with his awkward smile. Neither of you said a word as Peter continued to hold out the mug. After two full minute of silence, a bead of sweat ran down Peters face as he looked around nervously, never breaking his smile. You let out an angry sigh and decided to throw him a bone, crossing the room to accept his mug. You looked into the cup for a moment before looking back at Peter.

“This is empty.” You deadpanned.

“I don’t know how to make tea.” Peter whispered, never breaking eye contact.

“I’ve seen you make it.” You snapped.

“I forgot how to do it.” Peters eyes shifted nervously to the side.

“Bucky was in the kitchen, wasn’t he?”

“I know he hates me.” Peter talked over you as you groaned. “I know he does.”

“Just go away.” You tried to close the door but he kept it open.

“No.” Peter said firmly. “I came in here to apologize.”

“You see this?” You held up the mug for a Peter to see. “It’s my cup of care. And look at that” ,you dumped the cup over, “it’s empty.”

Peter stared at your demonstration with raised eyebrows, surprised that you were still able to be sarcastic when he hurt you. Peter took the mug from your hands and set it on the ground before slowly looking up at your face.

“You’re not stupid.” He said softly with all the sincerity his heart could give. You scoffed and folded your arms, looking to the side when you felt tears sting your eyes.

“Yes I am.” You said like you fully believed it, which was Peters worse fear. “Everyone says so. Even you.”

It hit Peter like a sheet of glass when you looked at him like that.

Like he was someone you didn’t want around.

“I didn’t mean to say that.” Peter apologized. “That is not how I feel. At all.”

“Don’t act like you’ve never thought about saying that before.” You laughed sadly. “Everyone on the team calls me dumb. It was only a matter of time before you did it too.”

“I didn’t mean it.” Peter repeated. “I don’t think you’re stupid.”

“Bullshit.” You snapped. “You’re so full of bullshit.”

“I’m not full of bullshit.” He whined like a child and gave you puppy dog eyes. “I’m full of regret.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek as he gave you his best pout, willing you to forgive him. Finally, you caved and cracked a smile.

“I hate you.” You stamped your foot and hung your head, frustrated with yourself for not being able to stay mad at him. Peter opened his arms and you walked into them, arms still folded angrily. You bumped your forehead against his shoulder before moving to rest your chin on it as he wrapped his arms around you. Peter nestled against your hair and sighed, happy that you had forgiven him but still saddened that he had hurt you in the first place. He could see the pile of used tissues on your bed and it killed him to know he made you cry.

“I didn’t mean to call you that. I really didn’t.” He said softly. “I’m the one who’s been trying to stop people from saying that.”

“But they still do it.” You sniffled. “Everyday I get called dumb or stupid or scalene.”

“I think it’s obtuse, not scalene.” Peter reluctantly corrected you. You pulled away and little and let Peter wipe the tears from your face.

“Maybe they’re right.” You shrugged and looked Peter in the eyes. “Maybe I am dumb.”

Peter kept your face between his hands, staring at you for a moment before sighing.

“I once sneezed so many times in a row that I peed my pants.” Peter deadpanned. “I was 17.”

“What?” You chuckled as you wiped your nose.

“I saw Bucky try to take a piece of toast out of the toaster with his metal arm and electrocute himself.” He continued. “And I constantly see Tony bumping into glass doors.”

“I don’t understand.” You squinted your eyes, but sure what point he was trying to make.

“Steve still picks up the phone and asks for the operator. Nat leaves her curling iron plugged in all the time. I do not think Sam knows the address of where we live and I’m pretty sure Rhodey can’t do laundry. He gets all his stuff dry cleaned, even his socks.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” You asked.

“Because were all dumb.” Peter concluded. “We all do and say dumb things. You don’t know where Alaska is and no one in this tower can read analog clocks. If we’re all dumb, then maybe none of us are dumb. Or we all are. Who cares?” Peter shrugged, making you laugh. “And you were right. A bird did carry off my web shooter. So no, you’re no dumb. Or stupid. Or obtuse. You’re, uh, you- you…” Peter looked down at he fumbled over his words.

“I’m what?” You raised an eyebrow. You could finish his sentence last time, but this time you were lost.

“You’re…” Peter tampered off again, staring at your confused expression for a moment before pulling you into a kiss. Your hands clenched into a fist and slowly uncurled as you relaxed into the kiss. Peter pulled away too soon and let his eyes flutter open. They met yours and you shared a moment of hesitation, not knowing what happened rest next.

“I’m gonna be honest lovey, I didn’t really have an ending to that sentence.” Peter chris joes softly, his breath fanning your face. “That was mainly improv.”

“You’re pretty good at improv, Parker.” You cracked a smile and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I did a little bit of theater in high school.” He shrugged smugly, making you giggle.

“Mmm. I severely don’t want to hear about that.” You teased before kissing him again.

“Oh, I think you do.” Peter remarked. “Because I once went to the bathroom during intermission with my mic still on and the entire audience heard me peeing.”

“Oh my God.” You laughed. “You’re so stupid.”

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @foreverxholland @damnyoudameron @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @justcallmehitgirl @averyfosterthoughts @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human @celestial-skylines @mara-twins @iamaunicorn4704 @spideygirl2003 @the-crazy-fanfictionist @maryjanee23  @geeksareunique @emmamarshmellow @jillanaholland @unbelievableholland @rebekkah4766 @flixndchill @sovereignparker @wendaiii @thisisthebiplace @spideydobrik @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @caelestii-e @eridanuswave @itscaminow @fiantomartell @solarxmoonchild @where-art-thau-romeo @canyouevencauseicant @illwritetomorrow @thehappygrungelife @saysomethingspiderman @parkerboop @smilexcaptainx @hes-amarillo @quaksonhehe @kelieah @silteplaittais-toi @kickingn-ames @purefluff @seasidecrowbar @lovelessdagger @love-sick-blues @electraheart-3174 @lou-la-lou @unbelievableholland @yourtypicalhotmess @ohnothezombies @spideyanakin @horanxholland @thesuitelifeofafangirl​ @anapocalypseinmymind @quacksonfics @marshxx @heyheycharlatte​ @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie @tomshufflepuff @buckybigbutt @cookiemonstermusic258 @awesomebooklover17

[littlebabyboybarzal]

Howdy, OG Sugar Daddy Sid instigator here, so lets imagine this:

So Sid gets passed your number/public social and sits on them for three whole months. His excuse is the team needs his attention, but they get knocked out the cup in a shoot out against the Bruins of all teams, and he literally wants to set himself on fire. Normally he makes his rounds sending texts or trying to through a group get together before all the boys run off, and wait until camp in the coming months, but he decides maybe for once he should put himself first.

So he re-downloads Instagram, spends a hour trying to figure out his password and looks up the girl that was mentioned to him and fuck she was pretty. He scrolls through her page at least seven times, and because he is Sidney he makes sure to analyze every frame. Zooms in on books and movies, discarded in the background of what he assumes is her office/library. Zooms to see what her coffee order is on her cup, and the music playlist shown in the selfie of her finishing her Peloton session. He does this, cause he needs some type of ice breaker, especially since it seems the girl doesn't watch any sports.

All in all he's terrible at conversation and its amplified if he has to talk to pretty woman. And he's sure he can't just be like, 'he i'm the guy who's teammate said for a nominal fee you'll...spend time with me? make me feel good?' He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. He's never know what he's doing, but at least the woman who crowd around him and try to get seen know who he is.

Or at least he knows what they want from him. They know everything about him and projected want they want or assumed him to be on him already so all he really had to do was show up. If they've convinced themselves he was charming, then he was just charming. He could just stand there awkwardly, and they'd take the lead. And he never minded because again, he had know idea how to be himself around people. Hell if he's being honest he doesn't know how to be himself, when he's by himself.

Every waking moment is hockey and trying to get the cup again so people will shut up about him old. And he knows he's older. Knows that Nate and McDavid are the next ones up, but fuck he still has some fight in him. Everything has been hockey his entire life, and the fact that he knows he only has a few more years left he feels like he's wasted his damn life and it scares him. Yeah the team took the cup home more than once, and his stats and performance shows why he'll go down as one of the great ones, but when its all said and done what will he have to show? At least most of his teammates and peers can show outside of hockey, some amazing accomplishments to be proud. They have wives or girlfriends, and children. He doesn't has shit except self pity, and wallowing fear once his jersey is retired he'll disappear back to NS and live in his house be his lonesome.

And while he's not crazy enough to think this call girl or aspiring 'sugar baby' will be the answer to his problems, he's certain she can at least be a distraction. And he needs one desperately. So he goes to his note app and types up a professional paragraph, pastes and send it to her DM and waits.

SD! SID ANON LIVES!!! HELLO BELOVED AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY!!

Okay that’s absolutely perfect! So this girl gets a dm from Sid and she’s like “this is a fake account stop bothering me.” And Sid is like no it’s real! Please don’t share it and I’m totally bad at this but I just think you’re kinda gorgeous and maybe we could go get coffee or something sometime? And she’s like mhm…okay sure why tf not.

So day of the date Sid is scared shitless. He cannot believe what he’s about to do but she’s so nice and pretty and he has this desire to pamper her even though she doesn’t seem like that kind of girl. He finally says fuck it and goes to meet her, even though he wanted to pick her up she insisted they meet at the shop so he agrees. When he gets there, he’s early cuz he’s annoying. He’s not much of a coffee guy but he gets something simple and grabs a booth. When she walks in, he’s shook ™ and he kinda stumbles around to her and she thinks it’s adorable and she’s happy he’s not a catfish.

They hit it off and decide to keep hanging out. I’m thinking she’s a grad student or working an entry job that isn’t paying well as she’s like so she’s constantly strapped for cash but she manages. Sid doesn’t mind picking up the tab, he has more money than he knows what to do with it. She always says no but he drives a hard bargain (and who can resist that face). He starts getting more extravagant—that fancy bag she’s been coveting, paying her rent, getting her a car and she’s like umm??? What’s going on? You’re acting like you’re my sugar daddy and Sid just gives a lazy grin and shrugs.

So they work out an agreement and they’re not dating but Sid definitely want her to be his girlfriend. Did I mention she knows little to nothing about hockey and Sid loves this because he can ramble on about it and she’s sort of interested but he’s so cute when he babbles so she just lets him go off. Sometimes she goes to his games and sits with the wags and they’re like “oooh!! Sid has a new gf?!” And she’s like oh no we’re just friends. But are they??

This is what I do in my budgeting class instead of paying attention 😌

[bqstqnbruin]

The other end of the spectrum

I don’t think I’ve written for any av besides Tyson, but don’t worry, he’s in this fic, I just kinda had to. But this was requested like a decade ago (no exaggeration there since you know I’ve had my account for about a year), and I still have three (maybe ?) more to work through. That being said, though, because I suck, Teach me something 3 is probably going to be dropping v soon since that is almost done.

Again, ignore typos (or point them out be like ummm excuse me) 

I hope you like it! -------------------------

Should you be skating with your AirPods in? It wasn’t something that you had ever tried before, but it might be worth a shot now, right? But they were expensive, what if they flew out of your ears during your Biellmann spin, or while you’re trying to land your triple axel and ended up breaking on impact when they hit the ice? What if they fell out and someone skated over them? You could argue that whoever did that would have to buy you new ones, but you really weren’t that type of person to do something like that. Maybe, you could just try with something slow and see how they felt? 

If only the rink weren’t open to everyone right now. Then you could lose yourself in the music of your routine like you did every time you were on the ice alone. You couldn’t make everyone get off the ice, either. Free skate was just that: free. There were parents with their children teaching them how to skate, some teenagers messing around on the ice, laughing, and making fun of how they look with their shorts and skates since it was the middle of the summer. None of them seemed to realize beforehand that the rink would still be cold since it was, you know, ice. One guy seemed to catch your interest: the only one skating around with a puck and a hockey stick. Hockey players and figure skaters were the exact opposite of the skating spectrum; you were all about delicacy and grace, hockey players were brash, crude, and rough. You were even on the ‘rougher’ side of a figure skater, and that only meant that you swore a little too much and didn’t really have an indoor voice. And yet, you were still infinitely more elegant than any hockey player you had ever encountered. 

Whatever. You had managed to be on one end of the ice while it seemed like everyone else besides hockey boy was on the other. If you started your routine or even just practiced some of the elements of the routine that you knew you needed to work on, maybe that would get him to go to the other end. Sure, it wasn’t completely fair, but, hey, it’s worked before. 

The AirPods were going to stay in, you decide, praying that nothing happens to the small expensive things in your ear. You start your routine, drowning out the sounds of the other skaters and letting the music fill your head. You close your eyes, not fully doing each element as you imagine a crowd around you. Competitions used to terrify you; the idea of a bunch of people holding their breath every time you did any sort of jump to let out a gasp if you fell or faltered, people averting their eyes if you had any sort of wardrobe malfunction that wouldn’t necessarily hurt your ability to skate, but would definitely hurt your ability to earn points from the judges, the overall sense of being watched was enough to almost make you quit the sport altogether. Now, it’s just natural, not being able to skate unless you know someone was watching you.

And someone was. Hockey boy, of all people, had stopped what he was doing with his stick and puck, standing against the boards, mesmerized by your fluid movements. He could tell that you weren’t doing everything to completion, but there was something about the way you seemed to take control of the ice that he couldn’t help but just stare at you. Your eyes were closed, it looked like you were muttering to yourself. Your hair was in a bun perched messily on top of your head, random strands framing your face seemingly perfectly. Who were you?

You decide to practice your camel spin; something that you were struggling with was making sure your leg was parallel, so might as well try now. You knew how it felt when it was right, you just had to actually get it right. Your music hits the place in your routine where you start to gear up for it, looking around you and seeing that you have open ice, you go for it. You do the move going right into it without problem. You can feel your leg just out of place as you speed up into the camel spin, not quite there. The music surrounds you in your AirPods, until one of them goes flying out. You stop your spin, trying to orient yourself and figure out where the small white ear piece went on the ice.

“Shit,” you mutter to yourself, scanning the ice to see if you can find it. If someone skates over it, you were going to throw a fit. Not at them, of course, because it was your own damn fault for wearing them in the first place, but a fit nonetheless. 

“I think this is yours?” a deep voice comes from behind you. You spin around to see the hockey player standing in front of you, AirPod in hand. He almost looks nervous to be standing in front of you.

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” you say, taking it from him and putting it back in. The music fills your ears again, only to realize that his mouth was moving. “Sorry?” you say, pausing the music so you can hear him.

“Oh, uh, I was just saying that what you just did looked really good.” His eyes dart between you and the ice, shifting his weight between his skates as he runs his hands through his hair. There was no way a hockey player could be this nervous in front of you. While you weren’t frail, you weren’t exactly made of pure muscle. People could tell you did some dainty sport just by looking at you. 

“Um, thanks. It wasn’t right, though,” you admit, looking at your phone to try to get back to where that move came in the music.

“What do you mean?” 

Was he actually interested? He could have skated away already if he weren’t and you were about to start talking to someone else to get rid of him, nor were you going to try to be rude to him. “My leg is supposed to be parallel to the ice when it’s in the air, and it wasn’t. For some reason, I’m struggling getting it up.” 

You look at each other, both blushing at the unintentionally sexual thing you had just said, “I’m willing to ignore how bad that sounded if you are.” Neither of you can help your laughter, but wow, he had a really nice laugh. 

“Can I help you in any way?” he offers, putting his stick down against the boards. 

“Uh, just watch me I guess? See if it looks like my leg is parallel or not?” you suggest. He nods, backing up to give you space after you hand him your phone with your music playing. You go on with the move, knowing that it didn’t feel right. “I have done this element hundreds of times, and yet in this rountine, I can’t get my leg parallel.”

“I mean, it looked parallel,” he says, skating back to you. You scrunch your face, obviously frustrated. Maybe you didn’t know how it felt when it was parallel? Or maybe you had stretched differently? No, you knew exactly how it felt. Maybe he didn’t know what parallel was. “I could help in any way you need me to, I just don’t know what I would do,” he spits out, his voice shaking again. Was he really nervous to be around you? Since when was a figure skater more confident than a hockey player?

“No, it’s fine, but thanks. I see my coach tomorrow, so I’ll have her check it out,” you shrug, bothered by the fact that you can’t get a simple move. 

You start to skate away, muttering a goodbye when hockey boy speaks up, “Wait! Are you going?”

“I was going to. I’ve kind of been here all day working on my routine, so I was going to go grab food.” 

“Maybe you’d like some company,” he asks, shuffling his weight between each skate, looking down at the ice. He brings his eyes up to meet yours, a smile on his face as his face turns red in anticipation of your answer.

“I don’t know if I should be going out with someone who hasn’t even told me his name,” you say, watching his face go from horror to relief.

“I’m Nate.” 

“Well, Nate, where do you want to go?”

---------------

Nate walked up to the Pepsi Center, feeling weird that he wasn’t in a suit and carrying a cup of coffee, but a bouquet of flowers, dressed in a normal t-shirt and jeans and also using the same entrance as everyone else. 

“Do you even like figure skating?” Ryan asks, him and Tyson trailing behind Nate as they struggle to keep up with Nate’s anxiously fast-paced walking. 

“I think he likes his girl more,” Tyson says. “Hey, man. Slow down.” 

Nate didn’t know why he was so nervous. It wasn’t over seeing you; you had been dating for nearly four months now. He might be more nervous about seeing you perform in general. You weren’t nervous about the competition and for some reason, it made him nervous; sympathy nerves? Were those a thing?

“She’s going to be fine, you know that, right? You said you’ve watched her practice this routine like a million times or something?” Tyson asks, hoping that it’ll calm him down. Nate didn’t even get this nervous when they were about to play a game. They were about to play game seven of a playoff game last season and Nate was the calmest guy in the room. 

“I know, I know. She’s just been struggling with that camel spin since the day we met and her coach said that she was doing it fine and I said that she was doing fine but she didn’t think she was doing fine, and-” he rambles as the boys try to find their way to their seats.

“Dude. You’re not the one performing. Calm down,” Ryan says. 

“I just want her to do well,” he says, shaking his leg, driving Ryan crazy. Tyson didn’t care much, but he just couldn’t figure out why his teammate was this nervous. 

“She’s going to be fine,” Tyson reassures him, hoping that that was enough.

Nate’s leg kept shaking the entire time. They watched routine after routine: men’s short, pairs, ice dance, no one he knew since it was a United States competition and he had no idea who even came to these things. The only reason he remembered figure skating existed at this point was because of you. 

You were waiting your turn to perform, running through your routine in the back area they had set up for the skaters to warm up, practice, stretch, calm down, do whatever they needed to do without pulling a Tonya Harding. Your coach was watching you intently, not nagging you enough to stress you out, but enough that you were fighting the urge to roll your eyes at the trivial things she was telling you. You already knew what you needed to do, and at this point, so close to you stepping on the ice, nothing in your routine was going to change unless someone hit you with a bat. 

It’s your turn, all the nerves you thought you would be feeling melting away. “You’ve got this,” your coach says before pretty much shoving you on the ice. 

You hear your name called over the speakers, waiting for the judges to give them the alright for the music to start and your routine to begin. 

“Yeah, Y/N!” you hear three voices call, trying to be in unison, but just off enough that you could make out one of the voices: Nate. You didn’t even know he was coming. You can’t help but smile, a real genuine smile, unlike the practically forced one you normally had on when you were performing. 

The music starts, you going through your routine like it was second nature. Knowing Nate was there made the routine feel so easy; every move you did felt right, the crowd seemed to be on their feet, not that you even paid much attention to them. You had no idea where Nate even was in the stands, not bothering to look for him until your routine was done. You wave to the crowd, everyone cheering, you hearing your coach screaming from the side. You find Nate, Ryan, and Tyson, excited to see them after the competition was over.

“That was amazing kid! You looked like you went to a whole other place while you were on the ice!” your coach boasts. You forgot you were even actually skating a competition for a moment there, “That might be a winning routine right there.” 

You hadn’t even thought about winning, you just needed a high enough score to be invited to the next competition. It was the road to nationals, the road to the national team for the next world championships. But winning? That would be amazing, and definitely help your case for the national team. 

You and your coach sit down, waiting for your score. You scan the audience, trying to orient yourself and find the boys again. Ryan looked like he was there because he had to be, which was fine; he didn’t really strike you as the type to want to go to a figure skating competition. Tyson seemed like he was enjoying himself, for the most part, maybe he actually liked the routines. But then there was Nate. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off you, even when you were just sitting down, pretending to listen to your coach ramble on about the next competition. You couldn’t believe he would come and surprise you like this. Or that he would not only make two of his teammates come, but also make them yell your name like they were teenage girls about to see their favorite boyband. 

The score was in, you were just waiting for the judges to announce it. This was the part you hated the most: the waiting. You were one of the last skaters, so whatever place this put you in was probably going to be your standing, maybe one place lower. Your score was in: five points higher than the next. “Holy shit!” you say, your coach hugging you as you sit there shocked.

“That’s first place! That’s first fucking place!” Nate starts screaming, Tyson and Ryan trying to get him to calm his excitement down, especially since there were children around. He couldn’t help it; his girlfriend probably just secured first place at the competition, especially after he watched her struggling with the routine in the days leading up to it. 

The next few skaters go, coming close to your score, but none of them really able to break it. There was one more skater, a girl who’s made the national team for the last four years in a row. If you came in second to her, you wouldn’t be that mad about it. 

She does her routine, you watching on the TV in the back while you know your phone was blowing up with texts from Nate. He knew that you wouldn’t look at it until the end of the competition, but that didn’t stop him from sending texting you about his excitement anyway. 

‘You were amazing’

‘I’m so proud of you!’

‘We’re going out after to celebrate’

‘But if you can’t tonight then we will tomorrow after the game’

The other skater finished the routine, she looked a little shaky in Nate’s opinion, but then again, what did he know. He was just so proud of you. “So after this, if Y/N can, do you guys want to come with us for a little celebration?” he askes Ryan and Tyson.

“Something tells me this celebration should be just the two of you,” Tyson says.

“Yeah, I really don’t want to be involved in whatever it is you guys are going to do,” Ryan adds.

“You guys don’t have to be gross,” Nate says. 

The score came in for the last skater: Y/N had a score 0.04 points higher than her.

You came in first place. You couldn’t believe it. Your coach practically lifted you off the ground, you were speechless, Nate was losing his shit in the stands. You couldn’t wait until after the medal ceremony for you to go see Nate. 

After you get your medal, congratulate the other skaters, and finally gather your things, the only thing on your mind was finding Nate, knowing that he had already waited for so long. “Nate!” you squeal when you see him, tossing your bag to Tyson, causing him to accidentally fall into Ryan as Nate picks you up off the ground, arms wrapped around you as he kisses you. 

“Get a room,” Ryan mutters playful under his breath as you two pull away blushing. “I’m joking,” he says, throwing his hands up in protest, “only get one if you both want to.”

You can’t help but laugh as Tyson tries to hit him with your bag. “God, Y/N, I thought hockey bags were heavy, what do you have in here?” He asks, handing it off to Nate.

“Costumes, skates, tights, warm-up clothes, headphones, makeup, hair stuff,” you start to list off, Nate throwing his arm around you as the four of your start to walk, “I think I have a mirror in there, some books.”

“Books?” Nate asks.

“What? We have a lot of free time,” you shrug. “But I’m curious: did you bring those flowers for one of your boys?” you tease him.

“Yeah, they’re for Ryan for not pouting the entire time,” he jokes, sending Tyson into a fit of laughter while Ryan punches him in the arm. Nate hands you the bouquet filled with sunflowers and roses, your favorite flowers. “These, I hope obviously, are for you.” 

“I love them,” you beam, stretching up to kiss him on the cheek. “You had mentioned going out tonight? Are you two coming, too?” 

“Nope, we’re going home,” Ryan says, jingling his keys in your face. 

“I was hoping to get a ride with you?” Nate asks, “Ryan drove the three of us here.” 

“Sure, where to?” 

“His house,” Ryan says, Tyson smacking him in the chest. “What! They could order food and be in private that is a perfectly reasonable suggestion!” Tyson pulls him away before he can say anything else, Ryan defending him while Tyson just tells him to quit while he’s behind since he has no chance of getting ahead. 

“Interesting choice of teammates to bring,” you tell him as his free hand intertwines in yours. 

He shrugs, walking with you to his car, “They were the only ones who I could convince to come.” 

“What did you have to promise them?” 

“I may or may not have to tie their skates for a few games,” he says, throwing your bag in the back seat as the two of you climb into your car. 

“You did that for me?” you say, pretending to swoon to make him laugh. 

“I think we’ve established that I would do almost anything for you.” 

“Great, because I need to go rob a bank real quick,” you joke, getting another laugh out of him as you pull away from Pepsi Center and head towards his place.

In the middle of his laugh, you hear him let out, “I love you.” His eyes go wide with shock, surprised he just let that slip. He had planned on telling you how he felt soon, but not like this. Not on some night in your car on your way home from a competition. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see him starting to freak out over what he just said. That was the first time you had heard him say it, but you knew he meant it. “You do?” you ask anyway, not bothering to hide the smile on your face.

“Well, uh, yeah,” he says, trying to calm himself down. Great. Now he was more nervous than he was before you did the routine. “You don’t have to say it back, I don’t know where you stand and I definitely don’t want you to think that I’m pressuring you into saying it or anything,” he starts to ramble.

“Oh, be quiet jitters,” you say, cutting him off before he takes it back altogether, “I love you, too.” 

[amateur-authorial-aspirations]

Another short story! It's about the same length as the last one, around 3k words. I don't have a title for this one, though.

Not sure what trigger warnings to add for this but uh it's about a family that's kinda broken and a mom that was very neglectful, and there's stuff about sickness and hospitals. Oh and food.

~~~~~~~~~~

The only thing I wanted to inherit from my mother was the recipe for her chicken soup.

My mom—well, she did her best with us, I guess, but her best mostly involved working long nights at a lousy job and occasionally showing up at school events to clap for us. The rest of the time, she was either drinking Bud Lights out on the porch or passed out from some combination of exhaustion and intoxication, sprawled on her bed or wherever she happened to collapse. I'd put a blanket over her, sometimes, but usually I was too busy cooking dinner, or helping my younger siblings with their homework, or doing one of the million other things that wouldn't get done unless I did them.

The one thing she always got right, though, was when I was sick. She had crazy good hearing, like an owl or something, and if I so much as sneezed, in an instant she'd have me tucked into bed and a pot of chicken soup on the stove. That soup—dear God, my mouth still waters just thinking about it. It was like she took carrots and celery and a chicken straight from the dirt of a farm somewhere and cooked it in, I don't know, the tears of an angel. A little salty, and just heavenly. And the whole time I was sick, whether puking my guts up in the bathroom or just sniffling a little, she was the perfect mother—she picked Brett and Ashley up from school, cooked three meals a day, helped them with their homework, everything.

Even years and decades after I'd moved as far from her as I could get, whenever I was sick, I'd get an awful hankering for that chicken soup. I'd whine and moan and throw a feeble, snotty tantrum until someone made some for me, and my husband tried, bless his soul, but it just wasn't the same. Sometimes I'd try, too, once I was feeling better, but it was never as good as my mom's, no matter what I did. I thought about calling and asking her once or twice, usually when a bout of illness coincided with a fight with my kids. I'd be aching and shivering, feeling bad enough about my own parenting that I could almost forgive her, and when the craving hit, I'd start to reach for the phone, but—

No. I'd worked so hard to get her out of my head, and I didn't know if I could do it all over again.

I remember it was raining the day Ashley called with the news. I could tell she was upset right away, but when she told me why, I almost dropped the phone.

"Hello?" she said, her voice choked. "Kathy, you still there?"

"Yeah," I rasped, "I'm here. I… I don't know what to say. I mean, cancer? God. Is she okay?"

"Yes. For now, at least. We don't know how long she'll stay that way, though."

"I don't know what to say," I repeated. It was true; I felt like someone had stuck my brain in a freezer.

"Say you'll come see her. And before you say no—"

"What? No. Absolutely not."

"Before you say no, think about how much it would mean to her. And to me. To all of us. We could finally be a family again, you know? One last time."

"I'm not putting myself through that so you can get our family picture taken, Ash."

"Come on, Kathy. I know you're mad at her, but—"

"I'm not mad. I just don't owe her anything."

"But—"

"And I don't owe you anything, either."

"Okay, that is not—"

I hung up. Then I threw my phone at the couch. It rang a moment later, but I just took a deep breath in, let it out slowly, and walked out of the room, the tinny music fading as I closed the door behind me. Then it started again.

Brett called about an hour later. I let it ring.

He understood a little better than Ashley, I think, but she was his little sister, the baby of the family. I was sure he'd side with her.

But, after a long talk with my husband and a couple days of stewing, I decided to go after all. I might not have owed my mother anything, but I owed it to myself to not leave any questions hanging. Besides, if she was really dying… it felt bad, felt heartless, to refuse to visit an old, sick woman.

Brett met me at the airport, a box of chocolate in hand.

"Nate with the kids?" he asked.

"Yeah. Those for Mom?"

"No," he said with a small chuckle, "for you."

I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Honestly, Kathy, you're a saint. I don't know if I'd have come, if I were you."

"You did come, though."

"Yeah, but it wasn't the same for me. Or Ashley. You know that better than I do."

"Well, I'm not here for Mom, anyway."

It was Brett's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"I mean, I'm here to see her, but it's for me."

"And for Ashley?"

"And kinda for Ashley."

We both laughed a little. Then he handed me the chocolate and started loading my suitcases into the trunk of his car.

When we pulled up to the house, Ashley ran out to greet me, but Brett pulled her aside as I went around to the back of the car. I couldn't hear what he said, but her face sank. She nodded tightly and went back inside.

I tugged my suitcase up over the curb and pulled it down a concrete pathway that cut through calf-height grass and weeds to the front of Ashley's one-story, vinyl-sided house that had been painted in a shade of yellow so bright it turned my stomach, though I'm sure my sister thought it "sunny" or some such thing. Part of the roof was sagging on one side.

Looking at that house, part of me couldn't help feeling guilty. I mean, I wasn't rich, and Ashley and her family certainly weren't starving, but it was hard not to draw comparisons to my own home, spacious and immaculate and halfway across the country, and wonder if there wasn't more I should be doing. Not that she'd accept assistance if I offered it; if anything, she'd just get angry, and things between us were already so tense... but, still. I didn't think there would ever come a day that I saw her struggling and didn't want to help.

Lost in thought, I walked in the door and headed straight for the rear of the house, almost passing the small living room on the right, but then a quiet cough sounded. I whipped my head toward the noise, freezing in place as I took in the hospital bed that been set up where a couch used to be. Took in its white-haired occupant.

After a moment, I cleared my throat. "Hi, Mom."

She looked so tiny and fragile lying there, her feet barely reaching halfway down the bed, her skin pale and papery. Nothing like the hard-drinking, loud-talking woman who had stomped through my childhood with the force of a bulldozer, hurtling herself headfirst at anything that dared to stand in her way. No, there was no sign of that woman in this dimly lit room that smelled of sickness and floral air freshener.

"Hi, Kathy," said this person I no longer recognized. "It's so good to see you."

"Wish I could say the same," I blurted before I could think better of it, but she just laughed, a dry, gravelly chuckle that ended in a hacking cough.

"Well," she said after a minute, when she was breathing normally again, "I can't say I was expecting much better, after everything I put you through. And I guess that's what I get for smoking so damn much."

"Wait." My face screwed up in confusion. "Since when did you smoke?"

"Oh, it was a long time ago. I tried to quit for years, but it never stuck until I got pregnant with you. I guess knowing I had someone else depending on me was the push I needed."

I let out a sharp bark of laughter, once again reacting without thinking and immediately wishing I'd kept my mouth shut. Not because I hadn't meant it; I had, but it wasn't like me, to be so sarcastic and mean-spirited. This tired, bitter woman was just as foreign to me as the little old lady she was mocking.

"Sorry," I said. "I'm sure you thought that was a heart-warming story about one time you actually did take care of me, but that's the thing, right? You did get it right sometimes. Which means the rest of the time… that was a choice. And I could forgive you for being weak or sick or crazy, but you weren't any of those things. Like, when I was sick, you were always so good. And I'd eat your chicken soup, and I'd think, maybe this time. Maybe this time she'll keep it up. But then I'd get better, and you'd go right back to leaving us to fend for ourselves, and it would hurt even worse because I knew what it felt like to be taken care of. You know I've got kids now, right? I'm sure Ashley's told you. So I know what it feels like, when you're tired down to your bones and you don't know how to keep going. But still, every single day, I choose to go on anyway, to be there for my kids, because I love them too much not too. So either you just didn't love us enough, or you did, and you still chose not to take care of us. I don't know which it is, or which would be worse. But I know I can't forgive you."

The words had all come out in a rush, as if some long-stoppered bottle of feelings inside me had suddenly come pouring from my lips, getting bigger and angrier as I went, and I had to stop for a second, take a deep breath in, let it out slowly.

"So," I went on, more calmly now, "I'll be here for a week. We'll play nice, for Ashley and her kids, and because we are civilized people. And I really am sorry about what you're going through. But when I leave, I don't want to hear from you again, and I don't want you bothering Ashley about me."

With that, I turned on my heel, not waiting for a reply, and marched down the hall to the guest room.

Only after I closed the door and collapsed onto the bed did I think about who else might have been in the house. I really hoped Ashley's kids hadn't overheard my tirade. Or Ashley herself, for that matter. I didn't like this nasty streak my mother brought out in me, and whatever my feelings for her, being a good sister and aunt was more important.

But when I emerged a little while later, cool and composed and determined to stay that way, I found everyone gathered around the big wooden table in the kitchen, Ashley presiding over it all with a wooden spoon and a hearty laugh.

Her eyes lit up when she saw me in the doorway. "Kathy! Come in, come over here." She was beaming as I made my way past the treacherous tangle of cooking implements brandished by small hands to where she stood at the stove, stirring a sizzling pan of vegetables. "So," she said in a low voice, one that no one else would hear over the general hubbub, "things went well with Mom? Brett seemed to think there'd be some… unpleasantness, but she said you guys talked? Worked things out?"

I cast a wary glance to where my mom sat at the table between Brett and Ashley's husband Blake, but her attention was fully occupied by her grandchildren and the silly song they were singing as they worked on their "cooking."

"Yeah," I said with a small, sad smile, "I guess we did." And we had, I supposed, if not in the way Ashley hoped.

The rest of the visit flew by in a whirl of babysitting and doctor's visits and pasted-on smiles. Before I knew it, the last day had arrived. My flight out was scheduled for late afternoon, but I woke early, intending to take a walk in the cool darkness just before sunrise, for the fresh air and exercise and much-needed time to myself. But when I went to open the front door, something felt off, and I realized I couldn't hear the snoring that that had echoed through the small house every night this week.

With a gasp, I turned and rushed to my mother's side. "Ashley!" I shouted as I fumbled for the switch on the lamp and tried to remember what little first aid I knew. Running footsteps clattered along the floor, then stopped somewhere behind me. "Ashley, I don't think she's breathing."

"Oh, dear God," said Ashley, and then her phone was out and she was talking to someone.

The minutes that passed before the ambulance arrived felt like seconds and hours and days all at once. Blake was there, he was doing something I vaguely recognized as CPR, but I had no idea if it was working. Then it was flashing lights and paramedics in uniforms and Ashley had to stay with the kids so I was the one climbing into the back of the ambulance, and the siren was blaring as we raced through the streets and swerved around corners, everything swaying and rattling as I clung desperately to my mother's hand.

When we got to the hospital, they carted her off through a set of swinging doors, and all too soon it was just me, standing alone under the fluorescent lights, shaking. The air around me seemed to pulse, and the too-clean antiseptic smell of the hallway had me ready to vomit.

I don't know how long I stood there, staring in shock at the big red letters on the smooth metal doors. NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL BEYOND THIS POINT. It felt like forever.

But it couldn't have been more than a few minutes before Brett was there, wrapping me in his jacket and leading me to a chair. I think there were tears in his eyes, but I was too numb to cry. Or to talk. So we just sat there in silence, his arms around me, until Ashley came in with a million questions that I couldn't even process, much less answer. Everything the paramedics and doctors said had shot right past me in a blur of unintelligible sound. Ashley seemed about ready to shake me in frustration, but Brett took her to look for the doctors who would have the answers I couldn't give her. He left me his jacket, but I still missed his comforting warmth.

A few hours later, I was sitting on a hard plastic chair in a cold, drab room, watching over my mother as she slept. She looked even stranger now, with her face all calm and peaceful, content in a way I had never seen her before. In my lap was a tray from the hospital cafeteria, a styrofoam bowl of steaming-hot soup at its center.

Suddenly, her eyes fluttered open, and I leapt to my feet in excitement, launching the tray from my lap and dumping the soup all over the floor.

"Ah!" I exclaimed, looking frantically around the room for something with which to mop up the rapidly spreading puddle of broth. "I'm so sorry, I just wanted to bring you soup, like you always used to make me when I was sick, and I know it's not the same, but I just thought… well, and now I've gone and made a mess of it, haven't I?" My gaze locked on the box of tissues on the bedside table, and I practically lunged for them, but I was stopped by a gentle touch on my arm.

"Forget about the mess, Kathy, just come sit next to me." My mother gestured to the chair that was closest to her bed, and I sat down obediently. She let out a small, quiet laugh. "Goodness, I'd almost forgotten about the chicken soup."

"I don't know what you put in it, but that soup was the best thing I ever tasted."

She looked up at me sharply, confusion etched in the lines of her face. "What?"

"Don't worry, I'm just reminiscing, not trying to weasel any secret ingredients out of you."

This time, her laugh was raucous. "Secret ingredients? Kathy, the only secret ingredient in that stuff was a can of chicken soup from the supermarket."

Now I was the confused one. "What?"

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry if you thought I was making some special family recipe, but you must've got that idea from some fever dream. Don't you remember what a terrible cook I am? The only things I could ever make came out of cans or boxes or little plastic packets."

After a moment, I couldn't help but laugh as well. "Yeah, that sounds about right. I probably should've known."

I ended up missing my flight and staying for an extra week. Mostly, I stayed at the house, helping Ashley with chores or the kids, but I visited the hospital a few times, too.

When I finally got home, a small, white envelope was waiting for me in the mailbox, my name and address scrawled across the back. Careful not to tear it, I peeled open the flap and pulled out a single sheet of lined paper covered in the same messy handwriting.

Mom's Chicken Soup

Ingredients:

1 12-oz can of condensed chicken soup

1 canful of water

Combine ingredients in saucepan and heat over medium high, stirring occasionally, until warm and bubbling slightly. Let cool to your desired temperature and serve with a side of high fever and delirium.

On the back was a brief note.

Thought you should have at least one family recipe.

With a small smile, I tucked the paper back into the envelope and turned to go inside, my heart feeling strangely light and heavy at the same time. And as I looked up to see my two beautiful, wonderful children come running out to greet me, I couldn't help feeling that my front door was not the only one that had just been opened.

[alwayssaywhatever]

I made a playlist for my fanfic

Art by my friend Ferbiie. She’s amazing and did this as a surprise and she’s incredibly talented. So go follow her tumblr, her account on Insta for drawings: littlesweetdrawings and read her fanfics at A03.

So, some of you know that I‘m writing Mystic Messenger Fanfic. I just decided to create a playlist to my wip, Wine and Cigarettes, a JuminxZen Fanfic.

There’s a few songs per chapter, and I decided to post the list here with a few notes about each of them. 

There are spoilers for the chapters on the song’s choices and explanation. I suggest you go read first and then come back here.

1- Underneath The Mistletoe

A Lovely Night - La La Land Soundtrack (The hate-love dynamics in the beginning of their relationship and the RFA being on a lovely Christmas Night).

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift (Jumin feeling conflicted about Zen)

Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood (I think the lyrics say everything, they are lonely, ygot issues.)

Nervous - Shawn Mendes (“You make me nervous and piss me off”)

Underneath the Mistletoe - Sia (I found this one today and found cute and it’s the name of the chapter)

2- Silence and Anxiety

Toxic - Britney Spears (Zen still wondering what happened on their first kiss)

Troublemaker - Olly Murs ft. Flo Rida (Zen knowing that JUmin could be trouble)

His Status is… Preferred - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (I love this show CEG and decided to put some fun songs in the middle of this playlist and the lyrics describe Jumin well from Zen’s pov)

broken - lovelytheband (I add this one on the list after reading this fic “Trust fund party” link: https://bit.ly/3iQtXis)

Into You - Ariana Grande (Zen wondering if he should make a move before the second kiss)

3- French Cuisine

Crush - Tessa Violet (I love her music and this album, the fluff, thinking about each other)

I Like (the idea of) You - Tessa Violet (more fluff, the texting each other)

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys (Even if they already kissed each other twice, there’s the question if the other feels the same way, the same intensity)

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys (The end of the dinner)

Animal - Chase Holfelder (it’s a cover from Neon Trees and I like the slowed down version, it gets sexier)

4- Birthday Date

I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen (few weeks of dating, the beginning of liking someone)

Absolutely Smitten - dodie (same from the one before)

Dive - Ed Sheeran (the fear of falling fast and too intensely for someone, wanting to make sure the other feels the same)

Talk Too Much - COIN (I love this one and thought it was too cute)

5- Confessions and Fried Chicken

Make Me Like You - Gwen Stefani (the whole panic before saying “I Love You”)

Stupid Love - Lady Gaga (fine, I love you, so what?)

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON (Zen basically saying this song before they dance together)

Baby I’m Yours - Barbara Lewis (the song that appears at the chapter, it speaks for itself)

6- The Storm After the Calm

You Deserve Better - James Arthur (Jumin thinking about leaving Zen, insecurities and fear)

Just Give Me a Reason - P!nk ft. Nate Ruess (Zen asking what’s wrong and why they are breaking up. P!nk’s lines are Jumin and Nate’s lines are Zen)

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi (Zen asking if there was something he could do to stop the break up)

ok on your own - mxmtoon ft. Carly Rae Jepsen (the whole lyrics it’s a mix between their feelings)

7- Broken Promises

We don’t talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez (“Every now and then I think you might want me to come show up at your door, but I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong”)

I Was an Island - John-Allison Weiss (Zen’s pov for the lyrics)

Words Ain’t Enough - Tessa Violet (Jumin made promises with words, but his actions proved them otherwise. They broke up saying that they still loved each other)

Death By A Thousand Cuts - Taylor Swift (Zen again: “'Cause saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts; flashbacks waking me up; I get drunk, but it's not enough”)

EX - Kiana Ledé (More Zen: “Just 'cause it's different and we're not the same; Doesn't mean things have to change; I got no trouble with my pride, got trouble cutting ties”)

8- RFA’s New Members

dream of you - mxmtoon (I love her music and had to have her here too and it’s sad. The lyrics really mean everything)

i miss you - mxmtoon (the lyrics also say everything on this one)

Dress - Taylor Swift (“Our secret moments in your crowded room; They've got no idea about me and you”)

I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz (Zen still has hopes, so he joins the RFA)

9- A Night of Regrets

Maniac - Conan Gray (pretty much the fight from the chapter)

Walls Could Talk - Halsey (The fight gain)

Horny Angry Tango - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (the sexual tension of the fight)

We Should Definetly Not Have Sex Right Now - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (the title and the lyrics are pretty straight forward)

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT - Monsta X (this happens after this chapter and before the next chapter. It’s not healthy, but continue to hook up)

Circles - Post Malone (the same bas from the last song, but this time Zen believes he has to put an end to all of this)

10- The Consequences To Their Actions

Never Really Over - Katy Perry (Zen thinking about the bad cycle of their hookups, but also still having feelings for Jumin)

Strangers - Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui (Halsey lines are Zen and Lauren’s lines are Jumin)

Getaway Car - Taylor Swift (Jumin talking about their relationship was doomed from the beginning)

Mercy - Shawn Mendes (Zen demanding explanations about them, if they have a future)

Say Something - A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera (Zen pleading for answers)

Please Don’t Leave Me - P!nk (Jumin not wanting Zen to leave)

It Was a Shit Show - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (Zen admitting that their relationship was flawed and it should be over)

11- Comfort in an Unexpected Place

Perfect Illusion - Lady Gaga (Zen being mad about their second time was not feeling and just something casual)

Truth Hurts - Lizzo (Zen complaining to Seven)

Good as Hell - Lizzo (Seven giving advice to Zen)

Kill This Love - BLACKPINK (feeling empowered after deciding not to cry about his ex anymore. “His love is my favorite; But you plus me; Sadly can be dangerous”)

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift (putting the final stone and saying it’s over forever)

12- Kind Eyes and Good Advice

Strawberries and Cigarettes - Troye Sivan (the song that inspired the title of the fic. I could be the two singing, but Jumin is thinking about: “strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you”)

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi (Jumin is all the lyrics, but this one really hurts: “I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain”)

Falling - Harry Styles (Jumin drinking and blaming himself. “And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again”)

Ex - Stray Kids (the moment I heard this song I thought about Jumin singing this. The MV on youtube has the lyrics in English ;])

13- When a Door Closes…

i hate u, i love u - gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien (this chapter it’s more about the characters and Rika, but it’s also the first time in six months that the two saw each other and I love this song so much)

14- …Someone Breaks Through a Window

Strange Love - Halsey (RFA wondering why the two fight so much and Zen reflects about their past)

When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars (Jumin thinking about the things he could’ve done better)

Talking to the Moon - Bruno Mars (Zen thinking about the two of them after all this time)

Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye ft. Kimbra (they being annoyed at the the other, their fights and bickerings on the chat rooms)

I will reblog this post when I add more songs to the playlist. I’ve already updates chapters 15 and 16 but I still didn’t know wich songs to add, so this is it for now.

There is a tag for the fic and I’ll update everything there as well. 

I hope you enjoyed this journey into my mind. This songs helped me write and maybe I’ll have some drawing to complete this whole work.

[ctjxox]

S1:E1: anxiety + depression

How do you start something like this? A simple question, I know. However, I now have a little anxiety. A million things just raced through my head at once, like a rocket. I know all the things I want to say. I wish I could spit them all out on paper at once… puke them out, even.. they’re making me sick. They’re ALL right here in my head. All together in one room, even. There are a thousand thoughts and thoughts that can be categorized together in cute little bubbles- “ugh who has time for that?! I wish I had time for that..” Seems simple enough, right? Well, not for someone like me. Every thought is bustling, fluttering, flashing, flying. I know which category or ‘bubble’, so to speak, each belongs to. Yet, I can’t catch a single thought quick enough or grasp onto anything long enough, to do a damn thing with it. Hints why I stare off into space so much. I can't even keep up with my own brain. And if I do catch them, they’re fleeting from my hands (mind) faster than a bolt of lightening. So, welcome! You’ve just unlocked a single thought (roughly 30 seconds in real time) in the mind of, yes, me. Sometimes these boughs of anxiety can literally last for days, while some may literally only last 30 seconds, (*insert shoulder shrug emoji here*). And if everything you just read is something you go through every day with damn near every thought... you might wanna grab a seat and get comfy. I'm gonna spend some time (at my own pace, of course- ya know.. anxious?) laying out on paper, for all to see and piece together, my "wired wrong" mind, like piecing together a puzzle. A puzzle that might make you feel really good and relaxed. One that might be hard to work through but will be so worth it when it's done. One that presents a beautiful finishing message that reads, "You're not alone." My ultimate goal in this is to help myself and to hopefully help others in the process, in showing that some things, or EVERY thing, that goes through our minds are NOT “crazy” things, and in fact, are quite NORMAL things. I still struggle daily in reminding myself of all of this. You'd never know the normalcy if the subject's never brought up, yet no one wants to talk about it. I do. So let's do it. Let's get deep, let's get weird, let's get sad and maybe angry. But let's all end with getting happy. I'll be posting my own thoughts on a daily basis- how I handle hard situations (the good, bad and ugly), motivational quotes, videos and song lyrics that have saved my life. Again, I'm not trying to change the world, I'm just trying to change. See comments for a link to a music video with lyrics that you will feel deep in your bones. And if you've never heard of NF, your life's about to change! And also a copy of the lyrics if you want to read along while ya listen...I do not own any kind music rights whatsoever to any of the music being posted**

https://youtu.be/4-nL6QgMDUw

Yeah, look I don't do drugs, I'm addicted to the pain though Yeah, I been on it for a while, dunno how to put it down Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though I just wanna take a hit, keep sayin' I'ma quit Keep sayin' I'ma leave, but I stay though I just want a little fix, I don't wanna take a risk I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone But lately, I been thinkin' I'ma have to Lettin' go of things that I'm attached to World don't stop just because I'm in a bad mood You don't know what love is 'til you holdin' onto somethin' that you can't lose I swear I'm tryna get it together Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better I like to rap, but I ain't gon' do it forever Forget the charts, I've been focusin' on holdin' my head up Moment I get up, I just wanna know I'm doin' my best And if I'm not, Lord forgive me, you can have the regrets 'Cause I can feel the water tryna go up over my head Most of my life, I always felt like I was holdin' my breath Holdin' my chest to be honest, so I'm tired of it Lookin' for somethin' in my life to be inspired again I like to walk around and act like I don't know what it is But I know what it is, I just never wanna commitRunnin' from change I'm lookin' for change I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for change I just want, I just want changeYeah, I don't like new things Got a lot of mood swings Oh, you wanna tell me somethin' negative? I don't wanna hear what you think Yeah, tossin' in my sleep Every night feel like two weeks Thinkin' 'bout how I could have done this or done that better Can't help it, that's just me, lies That's me avoidin' the change Yeah, that's probably why the issues ain't goin' away Yeah, that's probably why I always sit around and complain Tellin' myself that I ain't never gettin' out of this place Out of my face if you tellin' me I need to be different That's the issue though, I'm always insecurity-driven Takin' the wrong turns, actin' like I know where I'm headed Waitin' for somethin' bad to happen, I can snap any minute I need change Yeah, that's kinda easy to say, right? But difficult to do when I feel like I hate life And everyone around me kinda thinks I'm a great guy But I don't ever think it so I think I'm a fake liar Change, it's somethin' that I know I should do I'm a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth But to be honest with you lately, I got nothin' to lose See, I've always been full of pain, but now I'm makin' some roomLookin' for change I'm lookin' for change I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for change I just want, I just wantI need a moment of silence I don't like change, but I'll try it I don't wanna hear what I should or I shouldn't do Why are they always defiant? See, all my emotions are liars All my emotions are violent They don't want freedom to find me Mention a name and everybody riots (change) Yeah, that's why I'm checkin' my vitals They keep on workin', but I know Breathin' don't mean you're alive so I bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope Positive thoughts are my rivals (change) I'm tryna be be on their side though Should I feel comfortable? I don't Last year, I felt suicidal This year, I might do somethin' different like talkin' to God moreI'm lookin' for change I'm lookin' for (yeah) I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for I just want, I just want change I'm lookin' for (yeah) I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for, yeah (ay, ay) I just want, I just want change Yeah, I'm lookin' for I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for (yeah) I just want, I just want change I'm lookin' for (ay) I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for, yeah I just want, I just want changeSource: LyricFindSongwriters: Nate Feurerstein / Thomas James ProfittChange lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

[telogen]

aa hey I know this is out of the blue but I was wondering what ur fave songs/albums of NIN are! I just started listening & so far I’ve only rly listened to with teeth so I was curious what you’d recommend :-0

OMG sdffdssdfsdf Nate i love that ur getting into them now!!! If you like With Teeth you should def listen to Year Zero, cuz they’re pretty similar stylistically and thematically. If you’re a fan of the electronic bits of With teeth you might like The Slip :) Echoplex and Discipline from that one remind me a lot of WT. The most recent (non ambient) three EPs/albums are kinda weird and experimental, but have some bangers like Add Violence and Burning Bright (Field on Fire).

for other NIN albums I would 100% say listen to The Fragile. And then listen to it again >:) /s It definitely feels like a good place to go when you’re beginning your NIN journey because it encompasses a lot of Trent’s musical stylings from both before TF and after it. Its definitely my favorite album overall :,) The Downward Spiral is a CLASSIC and completely cemented Trent as an incredible artist. It can be difficult to listen to at times but is very cathartic and fun to just sit there and analyze lol. go crazy though! The best part abt NIN is that there is so much material to cover and practically all of it is enjoyable in one way or another :)

[ciderlikethedrink]

nate “reviews” albums: razzmatazz

it’s finally here.

it’s razzmatazz day.

i’m gonna do an album “review” of it.

review in quotation marks because it’s mostly just gonna be me gushing about how good this album is.

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so i’ve been waiting for this album for a while, and it was very much worth the wait. a lot of the melodies in this album are so nice to listen to and some of them even make me feel nostalgic in a way. even the first time i heard them. dallon seems to be really good at that because i had a similar thing with “too weird to live, to rare to die” and a lot of the songs on “vices & virtues” (both albums that dallon wrote a lot of) so i guess dallon weekes is just really good at writing melodies. something else i like about razzmatazz is that all of the songs have similar sounds so you can tell they’re all from the same album, but they don’t sound the same and you can still differentiate between songs easily. like- they all have the same synths.

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Leave Me Alone: i remember being very excited when this song came out because it was the first things we’d gotten from idkhow in a while. something i want to point out is that there are a lot of references to,,,, hanging in this album. (”go fly a kite until you’re tangled in the hanging tree”) i also adore the sound of the bridge and how it comes full circle after the line “and when the sun comes up, you’ll find a brand. new. GOD.” it’s just so cool and a great way to start things off.

Mad IQs: ABSOLUTE BOP!! back at it again with the hanging references. (”i’ll watch you tighten the noose”) this song is such a vibe and sounds pretty similar to “leave me alone” but like- more dance-y. it makes sense because lyric wise, they both seem to be about dallon’s “hollywood life” according to genius lyrics.

Nobody Like The Opening Band: I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I FOUND OUT THIS WAS GONNA BE ON RAZZMATAZZ!! this song was my favorite idkhow song for a while and i adore it. i love the lyrics and how it mention that opening bands are trying their best just as much as the headlining band. also the way dallon says “end” dfsjlkasakslfsdkl his vocal performance is so amazing in this song. and the last part!!! aaaaaaa!!1! you aren’t sure if he’s gonna do the high note or not, but then when he does it it’s just SO GOOD. and i love the notes he hits as he goes down (i don’t know anything about singing, i play the guitar, but that’s really nice) 

New Invention: thebassthebassthebassthebassssss the way dallon says “bad dreams” he’s just so talented =‘)) this song seems to be about a not-so-good relationship that brings out the worst in the narrator but doesn’t want to leave. or at least that’s how i’m interpreting it. another bop

From the Gallows: 2nd new song. it seems kinda like new invention pt. 2 possibly about the same person because dallon once again mentions someone being beautiful and evil at the same time. i love the piano in this song and the way it sounds like a generic slow love song, when it’s actually a little bit dark. also, is that the fred voice? as in fitter, happier voice? i’m almost certain it is. i don’t have a mac, so i don’t know, but it sounds like fitter, happier voice.

Clusterhug: this song sorta reminds me of some of the stuff dallon did with panic! and maybe even the brobecks. i feel like it could’ve been a vice & virtues bonus track and i wouldn’t question it. oh i just looked it up and apparently it was written during too weird era. so that explains it. the chorus in this song is just so pretty and dallon is once again going crazy with those high notes. it’s very ironic that dallon wrote the line “holy quarantine” before 2020.

Sugar Pills: “could it be that it’s only in my hhhheeeeeeEEEEEAAAAAAAAADD?” i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again, i’m in love with dallon’s voice. that funky musical interlude is so cool. this is one of the songs where the synth-y noises make me feel nostalgic in a way. not that i’ve heard them before, but like you could’ve told me this song was a hit in the early 2000′s and i’d believe you. this is probably one of my favorites.

Kiss Goodnight: i love this song,,, a lot. this is a really sweet love song, it makes me feel like i have a crush on someone even though i don’t. i also love the line “believe i’ll be a gentleman or you can show me the door”  because it’s foreshadowing to a later song on the album. i feel like i would hear this song in like- a cool mall. it’s so sweet and i love the pretty lyrics and aaaaaa it’s so beautiful!!!!! did i mention i love dallon’s voice???? i think this might be another one of my favorites, but i could honestly say that about every song on here.

Lights Go Down: this is another one with that nostalgic synth noise. the instrumentals honestly remind of lemon demon, maybe it’s just me, but that those funky noises just radiate lemon demon energy. this song makes me feel like i’m in a car late at night in a big city where all the pretty lights are out and the car smells like air freshener. that makes no sense, but it just does. such amazing vibes. the drums in this song are also very epic. cool saxaphone.

Need You Here: i feel bad because i almost forgot about this song. and it’s about dallon’s kidsssss~!!! that’s so cute. amelie did such a good job. i remember when i first listened to this, i was like “wait is this about his kids?” and it is. i didn’t know amelie could sing so well, i honestly thought they got some other artist to sing there. the high note GOD I LOVE DALLON’S VOICE.

Door: i’ll be honest, i cried like a little baby the first time i heard this one. sorta reminds me of how i am with my friends. just always suggesting that they leave me because i don’t feel like i’m good enough for them. it really do be like that sometimes. “promise the next time you take my hand is to show me the door” that line- oh god- that line gets me every time, dude. my sensitive little baby brain can’t handle that much emotion.

Razzmatazz: i think it’s really cool how they ended the album with the title track. i think this one is my favorite idkhow song. the chorus is so lovely and it makes me nostalgic as hecc. and apparently i’m not the only one because when i commented it about it one the music video some people seemed to agree. the way dallon says “cast all your spells” makes me smile whenever i hear it BECAUSE I LOVE HIS VOICE. that chorus is my life support, i adore it with my entire heart. i’ll never get tired of hearing this one because whenever i hear it, it feels like i’m hearing it for the first time again. “let’s go paint the town on our way home.”

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if i had a physical copy of this album, i would give it a hug and kiss every night before i go to bed, i adore it. 10/10, great album, i love everything about it. i also feel like the track listing is perfect. ending it with razzmatazz was an amazing idea because i brings everything together after door. and starting off the leave me alone? that was a genius move. a wonderful listen from start to end, i’m so excited to see what my boys dallon and ryan do next because i was not expecting an album this great. i’ve already listened to it 2 and half times and it just got released today. absolutely worth the wait.

and that’s all i had to say about razzmatazz, in all honestly, it was the only reason i wanted to get up this morning.

ok thanks for listening