#naruto and sakura: *still firmly members of the itachi hate club*

[evilkitten3]

no he still dies. it's just that he has to listen to naruto and sakura bitching at him alongside sasuke.

sakura maybe could have tried to save him but. why would she

naruto crack au where kakashi manages to successfully drill the "never abandon your comrades" thing into team seven's heads

so when sasuke deserts naruto and sakura immediately desert with him. like he gets to the village gates and they're just waiting for him bags packed like "what took u so long we doing this or what"

he tries to get them to go back bc of course he does. "no you losers this is about me i'm going to kill my brother. also i'll have to kill my best friend for the super sharingan and you two are like the only people i talk to". but they do not listen. teamwork sasuke we will defeat your brother (OUR brother #communism) with the power of teamwork. just like kakashi-sensei said

suddenly orochimaru has to deal with three horrible little goblins with an even more codependent relationship than his old team

[evilkitten3]

#not but seriously if he was spying then. he was really fucking bad at it. like what info did he pass on. no one knew shit about fuck#maybe he really DID pass on info but his communication skills were so bad he accidentally made people know less about the akatsuki

#itachi: btw i was gonna brainwash u. kluvubaiiiiiii#sasuke: welp. not dealing with that anytime soon

#tobi tells them about itachi afterwards and sasuke is the only one who cares#naruto: holy shit#sasuke: my brother...#sakura: damn glad we killed him what a loser#sasuke: sakura. my brother#sakura: YOUR COMRADES COME BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT SASUKE WE KNOW THIS#sasuke: MY BROTHER SAKURA#naruto is too focused on keeping them from killing each other to really think about it#kisame and suigetsu are fighting with swords some more. karin and juugo are watching with popcorn#zetsu is wondering if anyone will notice if he nibbles on itachi's corpse while they argue#they still decide to avenge the uchiha clan tho. sakura is just very vocally doing it for everyone who isn't itachi#naruto thinks she should get over it. like sasuke loves him again so it's fine right#then itachi gets edo tensei'd and naruto immediately tries to kill him again#he stops after itachi brainwashes himself free but only bc it would make sasuke sad#sasuke: we're team taka now. also i love my brother again and miss him and we're killing the government#karin suigetsu and juugo: okie-dokie boss#naruto and sakura: *still firmly members of the itachi hate club*#itachi asks naruto to keep the truth of the massacre hidden and naruto punches him again#then supports sasuke making him a hero out of spite#itachi in the afterlife: this is not what i asked for#the entire uchiha clan: oh gosh we feel soooo bad for you tell us more#(for the record. i love itachi. this will not stop me from dangling him off a cliff by the ankle for dumbass bitch crimes)

#crispin freeman get out of my bedroom

#kinda nuts to me that people try to act like itachi was a good person when even itachi never tried to do that#at no point did itachi go ''and this is why i'm winning the world's best brother award. sasuke are you listening''

#i can tell what she's thinking here...#''man itachi is really bad at getting rid of people. i'm fine kabuto's fine sasuke-kun is doing wonderful...''#''maybe itachi peaked at sixteen''

#dammit itachi people had questions

#orochimaru: i'm in sasuke's body!#sasuke: gross#orochimaru: not sexually. don't worry i'm only sexually attracted to the amount of problems i can cause for other people#sasuke: oh that's fine then#itachi: no the fuck it isn't how dare you put something strange and horrible in my little brother's body#orochimaru: wow you're right it's really fucked up of me to completely ignore his autonomy and expect him to follow my personal agenda#itachi:#orochimaru:#itachi: NIGHTMARE JAIL FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS!!!!!!!#sasuke: what just happened#itachi: don't worry about it. help me kill myself#sasuke: what#itachi: i said gimme ur eyeballs

#look i may not have been the best big brother. but i'm not itachi#that's something#i love him so much

#itachi: what do u mean sasuke went crazy. how could it have come to this#naruto: you murdered his whole family in front of him. and tortured him. more than once#itachi: oh yeah. but it's ok i have a backup plan. i secretly shoved a crow down your throat to brainwash him with#naruto: hey what the hell is wrong with you#itachi: i make excellent decisions

#i love itachi he's so fucking stupid#love how so many naruto characters are introduced as ''he's.... a GENIUS'' and then we find out they're dumb as shit

#he subjected himself to this. on purpose#itachi: the akatsuki is like my family#tobi: awwww#itachi: in that i one day hope to slaughter you all#tobi: hey bitch i did like 90% of ur job for u

#i mean. yeah#remember that moment when we learned the truth about the uchiha massacre and we were like idk twelve so we thought itachi was awesome#and then we grew up and went ''ohhhhh yeah no he's still a piece of shit he's just also sad''#itachi is so stupid i love him

#itachi has unlocked: self-awareness

i'm so mean to him. and for what

gonna make a compilation of all the times i've bullied itachi for no reason in the tags of my blog. see what i find