#napciyunka

[neechees]

happy birthday!! 🍰🎉💓

Thank you! :) 🎉🍰

[vvatchword]

So: it has come to my attention that napciyunka (or their clueless supporters) are claiming that I have doxxed AND stalked napciyunka for "racefaking." (Apologies for polluting the "bioshock" tag; this is the only instance I'll devote to this absolute garbage.)

Now, I fully intended to let that relationship just die off, quietly, without fanfare or explanation, because it was purely between napciyunka and me, but if you guys are gonna play telephone in the background, I might as well put my own two cents out there.

I will start small, without screenshots, but if I have to, I will fill out the blanks from start to finish.

Here is how it went down:

Napciyunka offered the olive branch via Tumblr DMs and wanted to discuss Native issues in-depth with me.

I apologized to them. They never apologized to me, but that didn't bother me very much; I felt like all we needed was an acknowledgment of the situation.

Although I was very touched and deeply fascinated, I was also wary because our initial interaction involved napciyunka calling me "evil" and me clapping back with "liar." Long story short, not a very good start. I wondered if napciyunka might have ulterior motives, and was aware that if they wanted to sic a mob on me, they could.

I discussed the possibilities of napciyunka taking revenge on me with my private BioShock server. One of the topics was whether or not napciyunka really was who they said they were (Native, a spokesperson with their tribe, and some other pertinent information).

I must reiterate: this was intended to vet a possible relationship that could backfire on me spectacularly. I thought mob justice and possible doxxing might be on the line, among other things.

We discussed some ways we could verify napciyunka's identity. This included checking IP addresses. The purpose was to verify identity, not to harass. This is explicitly clear.

Part of the reason was because we'd all seen a white person put on a POC face to make their argument more palatable. (Important note: napciyunka is who they say they are.)

This was a single discussion over the course of a few hours that we dropped immediately and never returned to.

Meanwhile, I fostered a relationship with napciyunka. I really liked them. There is so much that's good about them. Apparently they make it a habit to approach people they've had arguments with, which is very cool. They have a great sense of humor, an interesting life, and a cool cat.

Napciyunka's iPad, iPencil, and iPods were stolen from their workplace. This was a not insignificant source of income for them, as they are an artist. I happened to have an iPencil that I'd found at an airBNB. I'd had no idea what the worth of the thing was ($179, no fucking shit! I'd had it with my $.10 pencils).

Napciyunka gave me their address without hesitation. I sent them the iPencil... with my own address on the return section. It is worth mentioning that we are about as far away from each other as you can go north to south in the United States.

I really liked the cut of napciyunka's jib. They were a fun person, and from the screenshots they shared with me, it seemed like the other server was the worst fucking place on Earth. "Come to my secret BioShock server!" quoth I, a complete fucking moron.

Napciyunka went through our salt server. Most of us apologized to them in a general sense, explaining that we hadn't known them initially, explaining that emotions had been high and that we shouldn't have judged so quickly.

Despite our apologies, napciyunka never hesitated to zing us with reminders of our failures. They would do this to me without warning pretty regularly. I was starting to wonder if they had really accepted my apology. And if they hadn't accepted my apology, why were they here?

At one point, napciyunka shares a screenshot with me where they are complaining with sakowin, fellow Lakota tribe member, about the "big BSI doxxing." I was the only person who had brought up sakowin in our salt channel, and it was a passing mention; they weren't on our radar at all. If they were doxxed, it was not by us. Napciyunka implies that it was other people in the fandom--supposed supporters.

I remind napciyunka that I only talked about finding out their information and never actually did it. Napciyunka explains that other people in the fandom had tried to doxx them, too. At this point my eyes narrow a little: I was there and I don't remember people trying to doxx them. But what do I know? I wasn't there for all of their experience (which I don't doubt was horrendous).

My server had a mini-meltdown, after which napciyunka left.

Napciyunka either removed or blocked me as a friend on Discord to boot.

I was pretty sad about it, but it did make me realize that I had never felt fully comfortable with them, although I couldn't have told you why. "A lack of emotional sincerity" was how I explained it to a friend.

Also, I couldn't really figure out what the appeal was for napciyunka? We are very different people, although our sense of humor is very similar.

Napciyunka contacted me on Tumblr telling me it was messed up that I had "tried to doxx them." The meltdown that preceded this had nothing to do with doxxing.

I apologize for that specifically and admit that it was wrong and pretty fucked up, yes, but I never would have carried it out for a number of very good reasons, not the least of which is that it hadn't been my original intent (plus, it's evil, why would I fucking do that rofl).

At this point I have apologized something like five or six times for various fuck-ups. Napciyunka's refusal to apologize for anything is starting to get weird. It's like I can't do enough to appease them.

Napciyunka and I reconnect on Discord. Napciyunka asks to return to my server. I've cooled on the whole thing and decide to confer with my mods. I explain that we got off on a bad foot, repeating some of what napciyunka had explicitly called me ("evil," misreading my post intentionally so that it sounded like I was calling them a pussy for being upset about the Wounded Knee Massacre, and so on). "Water under the bridge," I explained, "I know that emotions were just high."

Which is when napciyunka begins to recount the BSI drama back to me... incorrectly.

They lie about having read the essay before writing their response post, they lie about who they were addressing in the essay (clearly me), they lie about what they said specifically. It gets extremely bad.

At this point I think I have a feeling for napciyunka and I'm completely done. I block them on Discord and on Tumblr and decide to let the whole thing die.

There was no doxxing. There was no stalking. I was in the process of losing my job and getting my ass kicked by my own brain. Who the fuck has that much fucking time.

Believe what you want. My slate is clean.

[poseremo]

hey @kisiselintihar how do you feel about this (ARTIST CRED: @napciyunkas)

[vvatchword]

Let me tell you a dream of mine: to buy old books and digitize them. Old, out-of-print, rare books. Not necessarily popular or desirable ones, either. A lot of my collection is extremely niche and I doubt they exist online (although I'm going to check).

I was first inspired by the difficult matter of preserving all my old journals. I've been keeping a journal since I was 11, and some of them were kept on shitty old notebook paper that is now falling apart. But then I was inspired by the realization that piracy is a method of data preservation. Corporations have no love or care for records and cannot be trusted. The more redundantly data is stored, the more likely it will survive into the future, and the more likely that the truth of matters great and small can be known.

So: you should know I have a love of history. My job directly involves the preservation of data for a general overview of a very specific topic. And one thing you must always understand about any historic document ever is that people are flawed. They lie. They stretch the truth. They speak to their own ignorance. They are blind to their own biases. They're prejudiced, or they care too much about their own causes, or they have axes to grind. They get involved in long games of Telephone where data can be altered--sometimes dramatically!--and then those mistakes are repeated over and over and over until they become an accepted truth. It is not at all uncommon for works of fiction, like films and books, to become wrapped up in fact!

And it is in no small part that readers also dictate what kinds of information is preserved; history is not only written by the victors, but demanded to fit narratives and instruct morals. Senselessness is feared; the alien, despised. That which is recorded is usually what is considered entertaining or beautiful and god knows what standards those may be. Alas--to understand the truth, we must have as many disparate viewpoints as possible! A situation must be examined from every angle to be best understood.

A great example of this is the infamous "Ain't I a Woman?" speech by Sojourner Truth. Truth's first language was Dutch and she spoke with a Dutch accent, but her speech was flanderized by a writer who wanted her to sound like a stereotypical Southern Black woman. And yet what has survived? What is desirable? People say they want truth when what they really want is entertainment, engaging characters and plots, and peace of mind.

I was also inspired by my research into Native American history. Every piece about any Native society that is written by a European must be viewed with intense scrutiny. It is not uncommon for Native words to be rewritten, omitted, or handwaved. This is not to say that Native voices could not also lie--they, too, are people--but they also intimately knew their own business and were frequently misunderstood and misinterpreted through a combination of racism, entertainment, European and Christian bias, and drastic differences in language, culture, and ideology.

Yet another roadblock has to do with how that data is stored, who is storing it, and how it can be accessed. As y'all know, Napciyunka has been helping me with research into primary documents and the more trustworthy historical texts, as well as a more accurate view into Lakota culture as it actually exists and existed. Now--guess what happens to all that material! It is truly criminal how documentation and artifacts have been robbed with impunity from Native cultures, and part of the problem is that such material might not be immediately available or digitized.

While I may not have access to prime materials in South Dakota, I have access to at least two different large universities and their document collections here, and they often keep oddball material. Who knows what's in there? I haven't searched them yet because I should be working (lol), but in a couple of weeks I'm about to find out how many of their works are digitized. If they are not...

I have a goal.

So there is a company I've kept my eye on since I first saw them on Kickstarter. They're called CZUR (an unfortunate name, really) and they put out document scanners prepared just for bound documents. One of these models is portable. (Granted, anything is portable if you're determined enough.) I deeply desire their ET24Pro, which scans at 24 megapixels: https://shop.czur.com/collections/professional-series/products/etscanner?variant=40313243762736

Could I just... offer my services to these universities? Partially for my own desires, and partially to make these documents available to all?

My parents sometimes offer me cash or a single expensive gift for holidays. What if I just... you know. Got one of these? They're not too far out of my price range. If I just saved $50 per paycheck I could get there pretty fast. Maybe I could donate to Napciyunka while I'm at it (that poor college student life amirite). Depends on what can be done and what is needed.

In any case, it feels great to have forward motivation, and i feel like I've found a special and unexpected passion. Before I got this job, I often felt unmoored and unfocused. I thought a writer was all I was. But working at this job and crafting historical fanfiction (lol) has given me a brand new driving force that deeply moves me.

When I was a child, I would feel such deep rage about the Library of Alexandria. Now I look at myself and think: good god, why can't I add to the swelling library of human knowledge myself?

[vvatchword]

if I told you that BioShock Infinite is practically tailor-made for the Lakota viewpoint, and has the capacity to be a powerful narrative about the reclamation and celebration of Native identity, would you fucking believe me?

This is all clearly accidental which makes it even more delicious. I mean, the goddamn symbols and themes just line up like *chef's kiss*

I mean, sure, sticking it to the American juggernaut is delicious, but you know what narrative is almost never seen? That's right, the Native one. And it's about time, isn't it?

Big shout-out to Napciyunka here, without whom I would be blind here. He has some of the greatest headcanons and his insight is invaluable. I had the honor of introducing him to NaNoWriMo and will be writing with him this year. He's got an original idea in the brain banks. Can't wait to see what he knocks out!

When your writing bug goes brrrrrrrr

BUT U CAN'T BRRRRRR