#naming a starling squad after US states is hands down the funniest thing I’ve ever done with Signalis fan writing

[stargun2307]

S-23 Sierpinski’s “Sparkle Squad”

Do NOT let the funny name fool you! Or the funny callnames of the Protektors in this squad! They are lean, mean, hazing machines (except for their Storch commanding officer; you’ll see what I mean soon).

Starting from the top, we haaaave:

The Upper Crust

Controller Vier, STCR-S2304: The Sog™️. A real softie who makes fast friends with just about everyone except for her own STARs. Loves music, has perfect pitch, and can rip a mean glissando on the baby grand in the music room. Constantly bullied by her STAR squad because she’s “not tough enough”. A fun fact about Vier is that pizza fascinates her. To this Storch, pizza is a mystery beyond mortal comprehension.

Sergeant (former) DC, STAR-S2341: Yes, DC, short for Washington, District of Columbia. DC is a real piece of work (just like the Congress critters in the real life city). Basically Storch software in Starling hardware. Anger issues, control issues, and narcissism. Drove Vier to tears and worse while serving as her officer.

Sergeant Dreyse, STAR-S2375: Sparkle Squad’s current STAR officer, brought in from “the outside” (a different squad) to disrupt the hierarchy of the cadre and put an end to their relentless harassment of their own Controller. Currently learning piano from Vier, and teaching Vier how to dance. Nothing to see here but a Controller and her officer… chillin in the office… six feet apart cuz they’re not gay…

Now, onto the squad themselves!

Fireteam 1

Florida, STAR-S2337: Hazer-in-chief now that DC is gone. A real equal opportunity hater. Troll.

Maryland, STAR-S2338: Mostly chill, except for when she’s not. Former narcotics squad sergeant from Rotfront whose career fell apart after she fired 12 shots into a crowd during a chase, hitting 8 bystanders and landing none of the shots on the perp. Given the choice between being decommissioned and being transferred to S-23, Maryland chose the transfer and is now almost wishing she took the other option instead.

Louisiana, STAR-S2339: Gossips a lot. Spends a lot of time in the showers.

Kentucky, STAR-S2340: Hillbilly. Queen of Snark. Thing 1.

Fireteam 2

Alaska, STAR-S2342: The one that actually minds her own business. Secretly disapproves of the hazing of her own Controller but doesn’t say anything out of peer pressure.

Alabama, STAR-S2343: A total edgelord who says derogatory things just to see how riled up she can get people. Thing 2.

Massachusetts, STAR-S2344: Came out of the factory with half a brain cell that’s slowly been deteriorating as time goes on.

Mississippi, STAR-S2345: The youngest STAR in the squad. Airhead. Mostly plays along because she wants to fit in. People tend to forget she exists.

The “Sparkle Squad” is the most feared Protektor squad in S-23 despite having the Storch equivalent of a wet kitten as their commanding officer. Florida and Maryland are just as brutal in the interrogation room as an unmentored young Storch. Kentucky tops the scoreboard for the highest amount of items ever confiscated in a single dorm shakedown (37). Massachusetts has to consume 10 shots of Everclear before she starts to feel a buzz. Hazing Vier used to be a team bonding exercise for Sparkle Squad, and even Protektors outside of their squad are also fair game for their “morale building activities”. Their nefarious activities have noticeably dwindled in frequency and scale since Sergeant Dreyse took the reins, but old habits die hard…