#names are extremely important to me and it bothers me a lot when I'm called Cali cause that is just not my name.

[craftycalico]

A friendly reminder just in case people aren’t aware but my name is Cam. Please please please stop calling me Cal or Cali. If you don’t feel comfortable calling me Cam, “crafty” is just fine.

[platimoonie]

a surprise.

In which, you decide to surprise Fubuki to help him relieve his tension (and yours too)

Pairings; Fubuki Shirou x Reader (inazuma eleven)

Content warning; NSFW, established relationship, use of pet names, no use of y/n, AFAB reader, lingerie, smut smut smut, lmk if I missed something.

Before you read; hi guys!!! ♡ this is my first ever smut and writing something like this so pls be gentle on me </3 feedback is appreciated. ALSO FUBUKI BRAINROT RAHHHH. (El I'm looking at you)

Lately, you've noticed Fubuki has been far too busy. Far too busy for your liking. It's football season, and he has been out of the house for longer periods of time. And when he would come home, you would have dinner, and after kissing you sweetly, he'd pass out beside you on the bed within minutes. Then he'd wake up at 5am the next day, quietly so he wouldn't disturb you, and leave the house after kissing your forehead. This has been going on for the past 4 weeks, and you're getting a little bit too needy.. in more ways than one.

You've tried, and you've really tried a lot to not bother him. It's an important month, with back to back matches for the team he coaches, and you're not blind to the rigorous training required for football. But your patience is running thin. It's not your fault though. Your fingers can hardly satisfy you anymore, not after you know what it means to have sex with Shirou who leaves you a crying, writhing mess and makes you see stars.

♡

And so you make a plan— to surprise him. You know it has been rough for him too.He's often frustrated, wanting his team to be the best one in the prefecture, and it's getting to his head— keeping him tensed most of the time. So you, being the good girlfriend you are, know exactly what to do.

Shirou has a one day-break from any kind of matches or training coming up around the corner. And as the day slowly started approaching, you received the lingerie you had ordered just in time. You opened the package with a slight giggle, your mind already beginning to imagine your beloved's reaction when you surprise him.

♡

"Good morning, handsome." You smile as you wake up Shirou, showering him with at least a hundred kisses all over his face, jaw, and neck. You're happy he's in bed with you till later today, and you're finally getting to wake up with him beside you. A raspy chuckle leaves him, which makes butterflies swarm in your stomach. He closes his eyes and happily accepts the love he is currently being endowed with. "Mmm good morning love." He says as he brushes a strand of stray hair away from your eyes, looking at you with the most adoring eyes that make your cheeks feel warm.

The morning rolls smoothly, and you shower Shirou with all the love that you possibly can, trying to make up for the past few weeks, and your love for him is bursting through the roof. Shirou, on the other hand, is beaming. His droopy eyes seem to be twinkling, his face glowing softly and his heart brimming with warmth and gratitude for you. He's basking in your affection.

During the evening, Shirou leaves for a 20-minute jog and this is the perfect opportunity for you to execute your plan.

"Sweetheart, I'm home." Shirou calls out as he closes the door behind him. He removes his shoes and furrowed his eyebrows a bit when he doesn't receive a response. He felt refreshed, and now, all he wanted to do now was cuddle with you and maybe go out for dinner if you were up for it..

"In here!" You squeaked from your bedroom nervously a few moments later, suddenly feeling all shy with the extremely teasing set you were wearing when you heard Shirou's footsteps in the hall.

Shirou steps in the room, which is illuminated only by soft candlelight. He stops in his steps when his gaze lands on you, and he stands still, dead still. His hands are frozen by his sides, his heartbeat begining to race dangerously, and his eyes widen.

You're slightly nervous because of the lack of reaction, and you put your hands behind your back, your chest heaving softly, "Wanted to surprise you, Shirou, you've been too stressed lately.." You say with a teasing smile as you bite your lip, hoping he's impressed.

He gulps heavily as his eyes trail over your figure. You were clad in the prettiest thing he had ever seen. It was a two piece, lavender in colour, adorned with small net flowers on the sides. Also, it was sheer, leaving nothing to the imagination, and gosh did you look like an angel sent directly from the heavens to bless his eyes. Your tits were perky and standing stiff against the thin material of the clothe, your ass barely covered by the frilly skirt like piece attached to the lacy thong, and Shirou couldn't stop his eyes from hungrily ravaging the sight in front of him.

"Is this.. for me..?" Shirou breathes out, in a dangerously low tone, finally finding his voice as he slowly walks towards you. His head dips into the curve of your neck as he takes in a shuddering breath, filling his senses with your presence, his hands coming to grip your sides in an extremely possessive manner.

"Mmhm. Do you like it?" You whisper in his ear, and his grip tightens on your hips. "Like it? I'm holding myself back from devouring you this instant and taking you right against the wall. So yes, I do like it. God, i love it angel." He says lowly, which makes your stomach clench as you gulp. You catch his lips in a fierce and intense kiss, hooking your arms around his neck, and Shirou's hands travel all over your body, feeling your soft skin and caressing everywhere he can as he kisses you passionately. He slightly buckled his hips forward towards your crotch, and you could feel him even through the layers of his clothing. He's already hard, painfully so, and the action seemed to cause both of you to let out a sigh.

"Please, you can do whatever you wanna. I need you so bad Shirou." You say in a pleading tone, as your hands weave through his soft locks, a string of saliva connecting your lips as you break the kiss for a moment to look into his eyes, which are half-lidded, and heavy with desire. "Aww is my baby needy for me?" He says in a breathy tone, resting his forehead against yours. You nod eagerly, abandoing all shame. It has been far too long since youve had him inside you. "Yes god yes please" You whine out, unable to contain yourself anymore. "I want you on the bed sweetheart. Right now." Shirou whispers in your ear and watches you as you quickly go and lie down on the bed obediently, looking at him with glossy eyes. "Such a good girl for me." He mutters under his breath.

Shirou takes off his shirt, and you shamelessly indulge in his form. His abs are rock hard as a result of his athletic career, his shoulders broad, and his chest is well defined. Despite countless times seeing him like this, the sight never failed to make your heart and your pussy throb. Within seconds his pants and boxers are discarded by the bed.

You squeel lightly when he's suddenly on top of you, almost pouncing on you. His lips attack your collar bones as he kisses, and sucks on your sensitive skin hungrily. He's propped up on top you with one of his forearms resting on the bed beside your head and his other hand comes up to your chest. He plays with the lacey fabric that cover your tits and then pulls it down, his lips are immediately on one of your nipples, licking and sucking greedily, while his free hand plays with the other one, slighly rolling your pebbled end between his nimble fingers. Soft gasps leave your parted lips as your hands tug on his hair. "Aha Shirou fuuuck yes... oh my godddd missed you, missed this soo much" You babble, already beginning to feel like putty in his hands. His hard cock is brushing against your lower body and you feel a pool forming between your legs. "Shirou please can't wait any longer" you whimper, voice slightly high.

"So needy today." He chuckles at your whiny form. You pout, lips shiny with saliva " 's not my fault you've been so busy lately" "I'm so sorry, didn't know my baby was missing my cock so much, yeah?"

You gasp when his dick rubs against your clit as he says that. "No—no I missed you too, your presence, everything I swearrr" you say breathlessly, wanting to desperately prove him you're not just cock-hungry, when in fact,— you where.

Quickly, Shirou pulls off your frilly panties, and slips inside your folds, your wetness making it easy for him. You both groan at the feeling together. You pant and struggle for a moment as Shirou enters deeper into you. You don't think you'll ever get used to his girth and long length as your walls clamp down onto him.

"Fuckk baby..." Shirou throws his head back, beginning to move shallowly as he brings his hand under your thighs and presses them towards your chest. "'M gonna make sure I stuff you all nice— and full— today *thrust* yeah" He groans as he starts snapping his hips wildly. He drags his cock all the way out and pushes it back in aggressively, making you mewl and cry out loud, nails digging into his shoulder. "Don't want my angel feeling empty *thrust*" He continues, as he picks up a faster pace.

The sound of skin smacking against skin fills the room, along with your moans and cries as you repeatedly call out his name. "Shirou— fuck— oh god, don't stop Shirou" A bit of spit drools out from the side of your mouth, as your eyes roll back in pleasure. "Gonna come inside you angel, you'd like that yeah?" Shirou says as he pants, his pace never once slowing down, as he pistons his hips into you.

"Mhm yes! Please! please come inside me." You cry out. "I'm close Shirou, gonna—gonna cum!" "Fuck, cum angel. Come for me, cmon." Shirou groans. "Shirou, Shirou, Shirouuu!" It's so lewd, the way you cry out his name like a mantra, voice finally dying in your throat as you orgasm, and everything goes white for a moment.

Your body feels like it's on fire, a tear pooling at the end of your eye from the pleasure and you wail loudly, as your pussy spasms. Shirou fucks you through your orgasm chasing his own, making you mewl from the movement and he finally feels himself release inside you as he groans loudly. Thick white ropes of cum shoot out into you, making you feel extremely hot, and you both are panting.

You look at Shirou, his lavender hair is sticking to his forehead due to sweating, and his eyes are half lidded. He slowly pulls out with a plop, and you moan lightly, already missing his length. Shirou falls down beside you, his hand draping across your chest, and you turn slightly on your side to face him. He smiles at you, an adoring and love sick smile and you can't help but giggle, still feeling high from the pleasure. "Well that was definitely stress releiving" He says with a chuckle and you grin. You kiss him, and he kisses you back and its so so soft.

What's not soft though, is his cock, which is once again beginning to harden at the sight of your flushed state. You feel him pressed against you, as you glance down. "Again?" You whisper cheekily ."Again." He nods with a suggestive smile.

[teruthecreator]

(tw for racism, pedophilia, transphobia, child impregnation mention)

yeah idk why y'all read this

i was originally going to just post this and have some tags with my reasonings, but i realized that opens me up to too much bullshit from people who may think i'm being unnecessarily mean or whatever. so i'm going to explain exactly why the screenshots above are something i hold issue with.

firstly, and i just want to get this out of the way, this post is not intended to be a hit piece against the creator. i've seen how she reacts to any mild-mannered or slightly joking criticism, so i know this post is probably going to not land well. but it isn't my intention to make her mad or anything--she's writing a piece of content for the internet, which means she is just as open to criticism as any other poster. and what i intend to go into in this post is criticism. i'm allowed to do this, as that is the nature of the internet. people are allowed to critique whatever they please, and if you don't want critique then you shouldn't post. simple as!

i am also making no attempts to posit myself as better than the creator. i'm not doing this for clout or moral superiority or any of that dumb shit. i simply want to discuss something that's been bothering me for a bit, while simultaneously warning people who haven't read this yet (who may be sensitive to the issues above) to steer clear. if things like casual racism or transphobia aren't properly tagged, then readers who are affected by such things run a risk reading this! same goes with people who are triggered by lewd content involving minors. i wanna make sure people are getting a more critical scope of this work than what has been hoisted up by others.

okay, now that i've gotten that out of the way, i'm going to get into my points.

firstly, the subtle and not-so-subtle racism throughout this fic, especially in relation to serizawa. i'm white, so there is only so much i can speak on without trampling over the words of other fans of color, but some of this feels so blatant it's odd it hasn't been noted earlier. it's important to note before i go into it that serizawa is specifically written as half-black half-japanese for this fic, in case the screenshots don't make it abundantly clear. but there are just too many moments of casual racism in this fic. i'm not talking about the plot point of serizawa being bullied as a kid for being mixed; i'm not mixed, so i can't speak on the accuracy there but it is well-known that black people face a lot of racism in japan. i'm talking about how it seems everyone else has these racist moments that aren't acknowledged by serizawa or the narration as being bad.

reigen hypothesizing over serizawa's exact ethnic background is just strange. yes he's a fairly observant guy (he has to be, with his job), but there is no canonical evidence to suggest he would immediately jump to theorizing whether serizawa is american or not. and the way it's posed in that first quote--"he has darker skin and the kind of hair texture that would likely indicate African ancestry"--is not great. that's an extremely inappropriate way to bring up someone's race. i don't think most people would stare at someone and be like "hmmm well your nose shape and hair texture would suggest you're of this race". it's racial essentialization that is only slightly covered up by the excuse of "oh he tweets in english". there are some other smaller moments of questionable wording, like calling serizawa's afro "sloppy" when it isnt (which btw there's another issue with the creator only referring to an afro as a "fro". it's a hairstyle; you're allowed to use the actual name of it). even if reigen cuts his hair in canon, he never states it's because serizawa's afro looks sloppy. (also there's something to be said about the casual racism baked into making your employee cut his natural hairstyle for a job, as that is a very real issue many black people face when wearing their natural hair or even protective styles in the workplace.)

i'm especially bothered by toichiro's very casual racist remarks. toichiro in this fic is a general bother of mine (most of which can be boiled down to "he would not fucking say that"), but the way she chooses to characterize him in relation to serizawa feels gross. calling a black man a slave should be a very obvious red flag, but also saying serizawa (again, as a black man) has a "brutal masculine appeal" is also extremely stereotypical and racist. and really there is just no need for it; toichiro's actions in canon prove how shitty of a guy he is without the need for him to be racist (along with other things i'll get to in a bit). as my girlfriend put it: he doesn't need to be a member of the fucking kkk to show he's a bad guy.

there's also, again, the very casual racist remark of calling serizawa a "dog". i don't care if that isn't the intent; when you are writing a character of color you need to be aware of your wording, even in insults (unless she intended to make tsuchiya racist, which i don't think she did).

secondly, the eugenics/child pregnancy bit. it is surreal to even have to write this, but i seriously do not understand the purpose of either of these bits in the story. they are so minor yet so jarring you can't help but wonder why they're there. once again, i do not think you need to have toichiro doing esper eugenics just to prove he is an evil guy. he has nuance, and by making him casually reference child pregnancy (like that isn't an INSANE thing to say) reduces that nuance to nothing. that's the only reason i could see why that bit was included: to make toichiro look worse. but, even still, the author is running the risk of potentially triggering victims of csa or people who don't want to see that by not properly tagging the mention of it (or, at the very least, warning readers in the intro notes). the only other explanation for it would maybe be shock factor??? but that's a pretty shitty thing to use for shock factor, if i'm honest. also the fact that the esper eugenics was referenced again in a more recent chapter just has me very disturbed and confused. there isn't a canonical explanation for why we see less espers who are women than espers who are men, but that doesn't mean we need to jump to fucking Eugenics. it's weird!

thirdly (and this is probably one of my biggest problems and the main reason i wanted to make this post), the weirdly lewd/sexual language shou uses constantly, along with referring to reigen as a pedo or a creep at several points. frankly, i think it's pretty fucking gross for someone in their near-40's to be writing a 12-year-old talking so casually about sex like that's normal. which, i'm sorry, but it's not. yes, teens know about sex and like to joke about lewd shit. but a 12-year-old is not about to make references to a grown man's virginity. 12-year-olds draw dicks on their desk bc they think it's funny. 12-year-olds say the word "buttfuck" because it has the words "butt" and "fuck" in it, and those are the two funniest words on earth to a kid that age. i literally do not understand the purpose of having shou be so lewd all the time. for one, it doesn't make sense for his character. shou is shown time and time again to be extremely mature for his age, but that maturity extends to shit like assembling a counter-terrorism unit and extending a hand to his father to allow him to try again. and even then he's still just as naive as any other kid his age! the omake where he's telling his guys to go to the "far right corner" based on ritsu’s advice proves that he still has plenty of blindspots that are indicative of his age. leaning into this raunchy, lewd version of shou is just weird. and, again, i think it is made a bit weirder given the author's age!!! not ageshaming or whatever--i'm 23 and i write fanfic, clearly i cannot judge there--but it is just extremely inappropriate in my opinion. also having shou be more versed in sextalk than serizawa is odd too and speaks to a larger issue of serizawa's infantilzation throughout this fic, but that's something i can get into in another post if people want an explanation.

also, the way she constantly calls reigen a creep and even has him being accused of being a pedophile during the twitter cancellation is extremely inappropriate when, again, there is NO CANONICAL BASIS FOR THIS! everyone just calls him a fraud and a scammer during separation arc; there is never a reference to reigen being seen as a pedophile in that arc. and, yes, while there are versions of mob psycho where reigen is very clearly written as a creep (looking very specifically at the netflix adaptation), that doesn't mean it's good. honestly, the creep mentions all just feel like really poor jokes that do not land in the slightest.

finally, the transphobia (aka WHY IS SHIMAZAKI A CHASER). i literally do not know what else to say other than: why? why is this a thing? why is he a chaser? what is the purpose of this? is it a joke? i feel like it's supposed to be, but seeing as the author is cis i don't think that's a joke she should really be making. it not only comes out of left field, but it's just kind of a weird thing to ascribe to a character for no reason. not to mention, it's uncomfortable! trans women deal with enough creepy antics from cis men in real life--why must they be accosted by this guy too? it's just weird and uncomfortable.

i wanna round out this post by saying, once again, that i'm not trying to attack anyone with this post. but i do hope people come away from this with a new perspective on this work, and maybe think twice before recommending it uncritically to someone. to the author specifically, i hope you can read my post without rage or indignance blinding you. i might be a little blunt or rude in parts, but it's only because i'm passionate and i don't mince my words when it comes to things i'm passionate about. to the readers, understand i am not judging you for reading this fic without noticing these things. your own life experiences will give you certain blindspots and there's nothing wrong with that. i have plenty of blindspots of my own! it's what makes us human.

there is more i could say, but this post is long enough. i ask that if you come to me in my inbox or in dms about this that you treat me with respect, as i will do that for you. writing something like this took a lot out of me, as i'm usually not so open about my opinion on shit like this.

have a good day :-)

[wingedecho]

New Narrator?!

okay for those of you following me (I appreciate you guys sm) who know of my main Narrator, don't worry I'm keeping Henry, this is just more of a side project because I love villain narrators

That being said, this is Cross. A highly intelligent, highly egotistical BASTAR-

I mean uh evil man

His backstory/origin will be posted eventually when I can be bothered to write it all up but in the meantime I'll give you a short rundown (hey future me here it's a lot longer than intended haha oops) of who exactly he is and what his deal is, if you can't be bothered to read all of this rambling that I'm typing I am so sorry I am just kind of brainrotting a lot right now and I was supposed to post this yesterday and I forgot

Alrighty so:

Cross is unfortunately a good actor. He's cunning, sly, manipulative and overall he does not care what anyone thinks of him so long as he gets what he wants. However, with simple acting, he can conceal all of this and come off as the sweetest person you've ever met, despite the many ways he's thinking of to kill you while he tells you just how 'great' he thinks you are. Stanley sees him as what he pretends he is. He's unaware of the shit he's in.

Cross prefers people to not know his name, getting Stanley to call him X to keep his mysterious act up. Cross doesn't have an office to write his stories, despite having one backstage for other uses. He has a theatre. A huge, huge theatre where he demonstrates his acting to the shadowy figures that were once people he totally did not murder in a totally not extremely brutal way

His scripts go into shows, and the shows become the story. Whatever Cross does in the theatre, is however things are formed in the parable

He has some levels of necromancy, and also has the ability to create spikes made of citrine. When he's in a calm state the citrine is clear. When angered, the citrine appears cracked.

Another important thing is the shadow over his eye. Its not an art style, it's a design choice. He's hiding something under there, but I'm not revealing that just yet, and the only person who knows doesn't know how bad it is because there's one thing I haven't told them (you know who you are)

Anywho, yeah! Hope this wasn't too much to read, and I hope I didn't bore you, but thank you for reading if you made it to the bottom and I hope you guys like him!

P.S he is 7'2 okay bYE

Quick edit: I forgot to mention, he has black gloves with gold claws on them I just really can't draw hands hel, he also has big black boots (just putting this here because I saw a reblog of someone saying they wanted to draw him and TYSM GENUINELY)

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Off Limits III | The one with Steve's crush

PAIRING | Steve Rogers x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2.9K

SUMMARY | Steve agreed to be your date to the party Tony was throwing, and the night went a different route than you expected. One minute you were dancing with Steve, the other he was buried deep inside you, making this night absolutely the best night of your life.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Use of Readers middle name (Lily) but Tony says Y/N when they're alone, Smut [ losing of virginity, fingering, slight nipple play, protected sex, praise kink ], swearing.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Steve Rogers Masterlist | Series masterlist | Part II | Part IV

The evening of the party arrives, and you decide to get ready with Nat and Wanda, so you could talk some more about everything that's going on between you and Steve, mainly your feelings about him. Since you told him last night you would love to go to your dad's party with him, you're mind has been going a mile a minute with thoughts about Steve. Today, you just couldn't talk about anything but him, and Nat and Wanda didn't mind it in the slightest. ''I still can't believe he said he wants to go to the party with me!'' you say and the girls just chuckle at it, they could believe it. Steve has been pretty obvious with his flirting, and the cuddles during movie nights haven't exactly gone unnoticed either, but no one said anything about it. ''Why wouldn't he want to go with you? You are really good friends, so it's not weird that you want to go with him,'' Nat said.

You agreed with it, but it didn't make you feel any less giddy at the thought of Steve, and dancing with him. But now, you have to focus on getting ready first, before you won't be able to get to the party to begin with. Wanda is helping you with your make-up, opting for a dark green and gold make-up look and a simple lip color. Nat is doing your hair, opting for braids and a low bun, so that it won't take away from the beautiful dress you're wearing. ''Wow, Lily, you look positively glowing right now, you're drop-dead gorgeous! Everyone at the party is going to be so jealous of you!'' the girls say and all you can do is blush, you're not used to such compliments. But most of all, you can't wait to see what you're dad thinks of your look. As if he could feel you thinking about him, he texted you to come over to his office.

''I'm so sorry that I have to leave you both for a minute, but Tony just asked me to come to his office. He needs to go over something important...'' you say, not bothering to come up with something too specific. You're not wearing your dress yet, but you're still in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, the reveal of your dress has to wait. You knock on his door, notifying him you're there and he calls you in. ''Hi darling, are you having fun getting ready? You look gorgeous already!'' he says and he twirls you around a few times, even though you're not even wearing your dress. ''Yeah I am, Nat and Wanda are helping me, and I'm extremely grateful they are. They must know I couldn't have done it myself, and it's just fun hanging out with them,'' you say.

You're happy you're finally making some friends among the Avengers. Sure, they're all nice to you, and it's always fun to hang out with them, but it's different when you're friends with them. ''I have something for you, in honor of your first official party as an Avenger,'' he says and grabs a black, rectangular velvet box from a drawer in his desk and hands it to you. You open it and find a silver necklace with a small sun pendant hanging from it. ''You have always been the light of our lives, and you make every room you walk into a lot brighter. I was supposed to give this to you during your birthday, but since I wasn't able to see you then, I decided to wait for a special occasion,'' he says, and you're trying your hardest not to cry and ruin your make-up. ''Oh my god, Dad, it's perfect. I love it...'' you say and give him a big hug, you're incredibly grateful to have someone like Tony as your dad. You were never overly spoiled, but every time he gave you something, it felt like he hung the moon and stars for you. He would do anything for you, and you couldn't be more thankful.

''I will wear this with pride tonight dad, thank you so much,'' you say and give him a big kiss on his cheek and another hug, before you need to go back to get ready. ''Sorry Dad, I have to go before I'm late for your party! I still need to put on my dress and everything, I'll see you there. I love you!'' you ramble before running out the door. Once you're back in your room, you see Nat and Wanda have left to go put on their dresses and you're grateful, that way you don't have to explain how you got the necklace. You step into your dress and it still looks beautiful on you, even more so with the hair and make-up, which complement it just like Nat and Wanda said it would. You put on your heels and just when you put on Tony's necklace, you hear a knock on your door, notifying you that Steve is here.

You walk to the door and open it to reveal Steve in a perfectly tailored dark green suit, his hair neatly done and a bouquet of white tulips in his hands. ''Wow,'' is all he could manage to say when he saw you, he was starstruck. ''Thank you, Steve! You don't look so bad yourself,'' you say with a wink when you the tulips out of his hands and invite him in. ''You didn't have to get me flowers Steve, we're just going to a party!'' you say and you laugh, but you're still touched by the fact that he did anyways, and he got your favorites, too. ''Old habits die hard, as they say. I just think it's a gesture of appreciation for you saying yes to being my date tonight. I'm really happy you said yes,'' he said with a deep red color on his face now. ''It's okay Steve, I love being your date and I look forward to dancing with you all night,'' you say, your cheeks also turning a little bit of a darker pink shade at your confession. ''Are you ready to go?'' you ask when they're in a vase and he gets up to go to the party.

Steve extended his arm so you could hook yours in his before entering the party, but as soon as you both arrived, all eyes were on the two of you. Since your dress and his suit matched, you were pretty much the best-dressed people in the room, looking like you belonged together. ''E-Everyone's looking at us...'' you say and you turn red because of all the attention, you're not used to having this many eyes on you. ''They're looking at YOU darling, you look gorgeous right now,'' Steve said with a big smile on his face, and you could feel his warm breath across your neck when he softly said that to you. The feeling of his breath gave you goosebumps, but you felt like you wanted more of it, more of Steve, even. ''Did you want to get a drink first, or do you want to dance?'' he asked, extending his hand out to you. ''I'll take that dance now,'' you say as you grab his hand and he leads you to the dance floor.

Steve grabs your hand, and puts the other one on your shoulder, while you wrap one around his waist to pull him a little closer. With your heels, you were a lot taller than usual, and you were almost the same height as him, making the dancing a whole lot easier. There is a relatively slow song and the two of you sway back and forth on the rhythm of the music, completely forgetting everything around you. You put your head on Steve's shoulder and step closer to him until your bodies are almost touching, and you feel Steve's breath on your neck when he asks you something. ''Wanna get out of here, maybe somewhere a little more private? I have to tell you something,'' and you get goosebumps when you lift your head and nod. He guides you across the dance floor and up to the elevator leading to the sleeping quarters.

When you're in the elevator, Steve pulls you in for a hug, not wanting to be alone any longer, he needed to feel his body against yours. His body was burning with desire for you, and he was finally going to confess his feelings for you. When the elevator reached the floor where your bedroom is, the doors opened and he let you go but still held onto your hand, and it just felt right for both of you. The two of you reach the door and you unlock it, pulling him inside. ''Lily, I have to tell you something, and I can't wait any longer,'' he starts. ''I like you, like, REALLY like you, and I can't stop thinking about you. I've had feelings for you since we first met, and they've only grown stronger. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours, if you'll have me. I want YOU, Lily, all of you,'' he said and his hands started wandering over your waist and down to your hips, pulling you closer into his body.

''I want to be yours, too, Steve. And I want you too, but...'' is all you say before you pull yourself out of his grasp and walk away from him, you couldn't look at him when you were about to tell him you're still a virgin, you couldn't look at him when he would laugh in your face and belittle you for never having sex. But that wasn't the case. ''I- I'm still a virgin Steve...'' you say with such a soft voice, you're not sure he heard you. ''Oh baby, that's perfectly fine. It would be my honor to be your first if you'll have me. I'll show you what a real gentleman is like, both inside and outside the bedroom,'' he says, and you can't believe what he just said. You looked into his deep blue eyes, and you had the overwhelming feeling to kiss him right now. He didn't run away, he didn't laugh at you, he accepted you just as you are, and because of that, you love him even more. ''Can I kiss you?'' you ask in a soft voice.

Steve slowly nods and his head sinks to yours, your lips meeting in a soft, light kiss that made you feel fireworks on the inside. When he pulled away, you both had a grin as big as the Cheshire Cat on your faces, still not quite believing it happened. Steve put his hand on the side of your face and kissed you again, this time slowly opening his mouth and sliding his tongue over your bottom lip, asking for entrance into yours. You happily provide and when you feel his tongue slide against yours, your panties are getting more and more damp, the longer you explore each other's mouths. You're standing so close to him that you can feel Steve getting hard in his pants too, and you can't wait to feel him deep inside you, fucking you like there's no tomorrow, but that would have to wait.

You move your hands and start undressing Steve, taking each layer of clothing off with more and more eagerness, until all that's left are his boxers. Now it was his turn to undress you, kissing softly down your neck and shoulders while unzipping your dress and letting it fall to the floor. His breath hitches when he sees your lingerie, in almost the same dark green color as your dress, you couldn't resist a little chuckle. ''You like what you see?'' you ask him, and his hands are wandering over your curves, exploring every inch of your skin. ''You look perfect, sweetheart,'' he says as he continues giving kisses down your collarbone and in between your breasts, which are filling your bra nicely. ''Let's lay down on the bed,'' Steve said and he guided you to lie down with your head on his pillows.

When you found your spot, Steve caressed both your breasts and your nipples instantly pebbled from his soft touch. You let out a soft moan, and Steve feels it go directly to his already impossibly hard cock, but he would have to wait just a little longer. Right now, it was all about you, he wanted your first time to be perfect. He pulled the cups of your bra down so your nipples would be exposed, and his mouth went to one, while he played with the other with his hand, getting more of those soft moans out of you. Steve is grateful your bra hooks in the front, so he quickly opens it and you take it off, letting your breasts fall perfectly into his hands, and he squeezes them softly. He sucks on your nipples for a little longer whilst playing and softly tugging on them, before moving his attention down to your soaking wet cunt.

He placed his hand over your panties, and couldn't help but comment on the fact how wet you were for him. ''You're soaking wet for me already baby,'' he says and you moan his name when he glides his fingers over the lace of your panties. ''Steve, I need you... touch me...'' you say and he happily complies. His fingers move over the fabric with a little more force, drawing more moans and whimpers from you. ''Let me take these off, so I can have better access,'' he said and you raised your hips, so Steve could remove your panties easier. He threw them to the side and his fingers went up and down between your folds, teasing your entrance a couple of times. ''Such a good girl for me,'' he said and you clenched around nothing when he said that. ''Hm, you're clenching around nothing like the good girl you are,'' he said, almost drooling.

He lined up one finger at your entrance, slowly pushing it in so you could get used to the feeling. ''S-Steve feels good,'' you say with a moan, and you arch your back a little when he starts moving in and out of you. When he finds a comfortable rhythm, he slowly adds another finger and lastly, he adds the third, making sure you're nice and stretched for when he will enter you with his thick cock later. ''Hm, feels so good around my fingers, can't wait to feel you around my cock later,'' Steve said and this quickly drove you to the edge with the pace he set. ''Steve, fuck! Gonna cum!'' you said and he never faltered his pace, whispering more praises when you cum on his fingers and he coaxes you through your orgasm. ''Fuck, such a good fucking girl for me right now, dripping your wet pussy all over my fingers, you're making me impossibly hard now,'' he said and he slid his fingers out of you, sucking them clean.

''Are you ready for me, sweetheart?'' Steve asks while he grabs a condom out of his nightstand, ripping open the packet and rolling it onto his cock after stroking himself a few times. ''Y-yes, Steve, 'm ready for you,'' you tell him a little exhausted already, you had quite an intense orgasm from just his fingers, so you wondered what it would be like to cum around his thick cock. ''I'll go slow,'' he said before lining himself up and slowly pushing in so you could get used to the burning yet pleasurable feeling. ''So good, feels amazing,'' you moan and when he slowly moves deeper, you grab his back and put your nails in him to ground yourself, but this only makes Steve go wild for you. ''That's it baby, such a good girl taking my cock right now,'' he whispered in your ear, and when he was completely in, he let you get used to the feeling.

''Please, Steve...'' you whine a little, and he understands what you want, he slowly starts moving, making you moan. ''Steve...'' is all you can say when he picks up the pace, your orgasm washes over you quickly since he's hitting all the right spots, and your nails drag all over his back, leaving long red marks. ''Fuck baby, your tight cunt feels so good around my cock, you were made for me,'' he says while riding you through your orgasm. It doesn't take long for Steve to finish after you, and he slowly pulls out when he does. ''Sorry baby,'' he says when you whine at the loss of him inside you. ''Is okay,'' you say with a smile on your lips. You grab his face and kiss him softly, making him blush a little at the softness of the kiss. ''That was amazing, thank you,'' you told him and he felt amazing right now.

He went to grab a washcloth so he could help you clean up a little, even though he used a condom, your slick was still all over your thighs and pussy, so he cleaned you up a little. When he's done, he puts on a pair of boxers and hands you a pair as well, and they fit you surprisingly well. He also hands you one of his t-shirts that is looking like a dress on you, and you almost fall asleep. ''Wanna cuddle,'' is all you say before drifting off to sleep, and he couldn't say no to you, even if he wanted to. He laid down behind you and pulled you against his chest, wrapping your arms around you and nuzzling his face into your hair. ''Sleep well, sweetheart,'' he says before drifting into a deep sleep himself.

[king-candy-lovemail]

stone face (ace ventura x reader oneshot)

requested: yep!! heres to you, YourMomIsBlowingMe (i will never get over that username LMFAO) on wattpad

a piece of my heart will always belong to ace, the hyperfixation on both movies (and the cartoon) got me thru some tough times 😭

kinda unhappy with how this turned out but at the same time kinda proud... ironic i suppose! :P

You hated people. Always selfish, and always out to get you.

All your life, you'd worked dead-end jobs. Retail, customer service, fast food, hell, even a pyramid scheme. You did what you could to scrape by.

And then, you finally thought you'd made it big.

There were a few openings at the local sheriff's office- entry-level positions with little to no required previous experience. Nothing life-threatening or hands-on, though. More like taking phone calls and sorting papers.

Of course, you'd brushed off the offerings when you'd first seen them posted. Yeah, sure, wouldn't that be great. 

And then you saw the starting wage.

Now, here you were, filing 'important papers' for your local police station. You didn't really care about the contents of the files. You always just had headphones in, listening to Satie, or perhaps Chopin.

Most days were the same. Life was fairly bland, and the one joy of life was dancing around the filing room as you listened to classical music.

Coworkers came and went, and no one dared to bother you while you were on your break. Even your current supervisor (a temporary one at that- a few months before you began working there, a whole lot of corruption and conspiracy had went down, causing the previous supervisor to be jailed) barely spoke to you. You got your work done swiftly and efficiently, and didn't care much for socialization.

All had been relatively normal until he showed up.

You relished the peaceful days at the station. Little to no reports, barely any paperwork to file, and a quiet afternoon in the break room. But it seemed that 'peaceful' day would head in a much different direction.

When a brightly dressed, energetic individual entered the station, you were already thrown off. Boisterous people weren't your kind of crowd.

However, this man was more than just boisterous.

He had announced his arrival quite loudly, to your annoyance. He threw his business cards up in the air, letting the cheap cardstock flutter down to the floor. You couldn't help but wonder if he held a grudge against the janitorial staff.

As you pressed your headphones closer to your ears, hoping to drown out this man's incessant noisemaking, you felt your self-proclaimed safety blanket be snatched away.

"Well, well, what are we listening to?" The man's voice came out in a drawl, surprisingly smooth. You snapped your head up, and the bright figure wore a shit-eating grin as he spun the headphones in his hand before slapping them over his own ears.

"Ah! Variation 5 from Paquita, correct?" he chatted idly, spewing some nonsense fact about the ballet. You glared up at him, grabbing your headphones back quickly as he was distracted by the sound of his own voice.

He shrieked dramatically, placing his hands on his head. "Hey, hey! Watch the 'do, woulda?!" His cries fell upon deaf ears as you adjusted your headphones.

"Don't make a fool of yourself, Ventura! That there's Y/N, they've been here for a few months and don't take shit from nobody!" One of your middle-aged female coworkers cackled at her own description of you, slapping you on the back much harder than you're sure she meant to.

You stumbled forward as a result of her force, your headphones being knocked out of your hands. You cursed under your breath, glaring back up at this 'Ventura' man as you picked your saving grace back up off of the floor.

'Ventura' stuck his hand out, imploring you to shake it. You did so, albeit extremely reluctantly. As his warm hand encased yours, you glowered.

"The name's Ace, Ace Ventura. I'm a... heh, pet detective. And ya see, I'm here to celebrate my three month anniversary of SHOWING UP THIS WHOLE STATION! OH YEAH!" He pulled his hand away to, well, pelvic thrust victoriously. You stifled a laugh at his antics, and your coworker made a strangled noise of shock.

"Well look at that, Ventura! You nearly cracked the stone face!" she joked. Ace tilted his head, staring at you.

"Stone face? What are you talking about, Montoya?" he inquired. You clenched your jaw, attempting to walk off. However, Montoya held you in a vice grip.

"Well, Y/N here hasn't cracked even a smile since they first started working here. Matter of fact, me and the guys were startin' to think it was impossible for them to show an emotion other than apathy!" she hollered, her dry fits of laughter becoming slightly grating to your ears.

Montoya was one of the few coworkers you could tolerate. She was motherly, but in a rough way. She gave off a tough-love vibe, the kind of woman to noogie you and smack you if she caught you underage drinking. Sometimes, though, she still got on your nerves.

Ace smirked slightly, and you grew even more irritated. "That so?" he teased. "Well, I bet I can get 'em to laugh by the end of the year, Montoya!" She stuck out her hand, and as they shook, they announced in unison, 'deal!'.

You threw your arms up in defeat, groaning. "Maybe your deal should be to see who can stop talking about me as if I'm not even here by the end of the week!" you cried. Slipping your headphones back on, you walked back to your filing room.

Finally, peace and quiet.

You hated Ace Ventura most of all. Out of every person you'd ever met, you were sure you despised him the most.

Your once-quiet and enjoyable breaks were now interrupted by your headphones being taken suddenly and a familiar voice sounding out from behind you, an irritating 'guess who?' leaving his lips.

You would immediately stumble to get your music back desperately, and each time he would name exactly the song you were listening to.

At this point, you were honestly surprised. Who knew such a foolish, idiotic man had such knowledge on works featured mainly in ballets?

And then, one day, he had caught you dancing along as you did your work.

You had never prided yourself in your dancing, but you had endlessly studied certain ballets for years on end. Call it a hobby or an obsession- either way, it was what got you by.

You were shocked when a pair of arms wrapped around you, lifting you up at the exact moment you had planned to check if the door was still closed.

"Guess who, sugarplum?" he sang cheekily, spinning you around slightly. You screamed, unable to control your sudden outburst of giggles. 

"Hey, please, put me down!" you shrieked, still laughing as he held you close. You tried to ignore the way your body temperature rose at his proximity to you, and the way his arms were wrapped around you...

His voice was unnaturally low now as he muttered, "Told ya I could make you laugh." You furrowed your brow, annoyed once again.

"Go back to whatever it was you were doing, Ace! Tell Montoya about your little bet, and that you won, alright? But leave me out of this shit," you sneered. As you continued your work, you could tell Ace hadn't moved from where he stood. He stood there, still watching you, unmoving.

"What? Go on, you won your deal! Now go."

"That was the first time you said my name," Ace cooed, a stupid smile making its way onto his face. You rolled your eyes, turning away again.

"I like it when you say it. It's a lot better than the other names you call me," he joked. You cracked a smirk at his words.

"What? You mean shithead, bitchboy, and bastard aren't endearing enough for you?" you teased, and Ace let out a laugh.

You sighed once again, trying to push down the feelings that arose over his laugh. "Just... go now, please."

You would never admit that you had wished he would've stayed.

The station's New Year's party wasn't an event you had been chomping at the bit to attend. However, with incessant urging from Montoya and Ace, you resigned yourself to a night of observing drunken buffoons.

The partying never seemed to take a break. Montoya was already shitfaced by the time you got there, while you couldn't seem to find Ace anywhere.

"H-hey, Y/N!" Montoya stuttered out, her words slurring together. She leaned on you for support, despite your body nearly being crushed by the woman's much more muscular frame.

You coughed- her breath reeked of alcohol. "Jesus, how much did you have to drink?" The woman simply cackled at your words, grabbing a random solo cup from a nearby table.

"Oh, please Y/N! My fun has just begun!" She downed yet another swig of beer- or was it whiskey? You weren't sure what this party had to offer- before growing closer to you once again. "I'm surprised, Ventura said he couldn't get you to crack even the slightest smile. And now, here we are, end of the year. I guess he'll be losing!" 

Your breath stopped momentarily, the shock seeping in. "A-Ace said that?" 

He didn't tell her that he won their stupid little game? I guess he's... a little more mature than I gave him credit for?

Your train of thought was disrupted by Montoya's drunken squealing.

"I did it! Ha! You cracked a smile, I WIN! I'm gonna go tell that cocky Ventura right now! He's going to piss himself, hell yeah!" 

You watched as Montoya slugged away, a small smile still on your face. You covered your mouth quickly, not wanting to draw anymore attention to yourself.

"How's it goin', sugarplum?" Ace purred, sliding into the space beside you. You turned away from him, desperate to hide your grin and the heat rushing to your face.

"A-Ace, I haven't, um... I didn't, oh, um..." Your words caught in your throat, and you had to stop yourself from burying your face in his chest that instant. He slowly moved your hand away, letting out a dramatic gasp as he witnessed your smile.

"Y/N L/N, smiling?! This isn't normal, you need to see a doctor this instant!" he shouted. Luckily, with the rest of the party noise, his showing off was drowned out. He pressed a hand to your face, pretending to be feeling for your temperature.

"Oh, my!" he exclaimed, a girl-ish Southern drawl being added into his eccentric speech as he continued, "Looks like you've caught yourself a fever right there!"

You ducked away, trying not to laugh. "Ace, enough! Now, being serious. You didn't tell Montoya about how you won your stupid deal?" you inquired. Ace sucked in a breath through his teeth, placing his hands on his hips.

"Well darlin', what can I say? My reward was just getting to see you happy," he teased, cupping your face gently. You felt like your eyes were going to bulge out of your skull as he leaned in.

Your moment, however, was interrupted by a victorious Montoya.

"Guess what, Ventura! I did it! I cracked that stone face like an egg, I'll tell ya! So you lost, and I won! Suck on that, pet boy!" she screamed, throwing her arms up (and subsequently sloshing the mysterious alcoholic beverage in her cup around haphazardly).

Ace chuckled, bringing you in closer to his side with an arm wrapped around your waist. "What can I say, Montoya. You won! But as you'll soon come to find, I've won a bigger prize," he said smoothly, fingergunning at the woman. In her buzzed stupor, she just shrugged and walked away.

You turned to face him, an unimpressed look on your face.

"Really? Now that was cheesy. What's next, you're gonna kiss me as the new year rings in?" you teased, pursing your lips.

Ace let out a fake laugh, pulling you in flush to his body. You looked away instinctively as he leaned in close, whispering to you as he had the day he won that foolish game.

"On the contrary, my dear, I've never been a man who likes to wait."

[luwritesomething]

Mickey Altieri x Reader: obnoxiousmas.

Words: 1095

Warnings: probably swearing and a carrie joke, idk i wrote this a long time ago.

Summary: it's almost christmas and you hate crowds, but you have to go gift-shopping with your friends and mickey.

Author's note: this was extremely self-indulgent since i'm christmas #1 hater. what can i say, i don't remember anything that happens in here, but i think it can be read as established relationship. reqs are open !!! request for mickey, stu, billy... please?? OH, you can also read this in my aoc account, which is here.

Christmas was obnoxious, loud and annoying. But sure, it was also colorful, vibrant, jolly and fun; and that was what people decided to think about during the winter holidays. A time to forgive and have fun with your beloved ones, that was what was all about — and the presents and the food formed an important part of it, too.

People’s optimism about the holiday, however, didn’t make its negative aspects disappear, which the Windsor’s golden friend group proved on their first time buying presents together. You, Hallie, Randy and Mickey had decided to stay in Windsor for the holidays instead of going back to your hometowns — at the last minute, Sidney had dropped that plan in exchange of spending Christmas with Derek and his family back at his house. It had been a bummer, but you all had agreed to still make this Christmas worth remembering. What you would definitely not forget was the annoying crowd that was holding you back from moving through the streets.

You and Mickey had gone to get Randy’s presents — you actually needed Mickey’s help to choose a good videotape for him — while Hallie and Randy went to another store, and when you too came out of the shop you bumped into a ridiculously big amount of people. You could already feel the anxiety rushing through your veins.

“Oh, shit,” you murmured, throwing your head back in annoyance. You definitely weren’t a fan of big crowds with lots of people.

Mickey looked at you from the corner of his eyes. “You truly are the spirit of Christmas yourself, aren’t you?” 

“Whatever, Mickey.” You rolled your eyes, but a playful smile slid into your face. “This is just crazy. We won’t ever be able to get back to the dorms” 

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge?” His eyes stared at the crowd once again before returning to yours. “I smell a challenge, my sweetie pie”

Your face immediately cringed. “What did you just call me, Altieri?” You couldn’t hold back a laugh because of the obnoxious pet names he gave you on the most unexpected moments. He was the master of annoyance.

“You don't like it?” Mickey faked a pout that made you laugh.

“So, what’s the plan?”

Without answering your question, Mickey searched for your hand. You had already gotten used to Mickey’s touchy love language, but it still gave you a rush of adrenaline every time his fingers locked with yours. 

Once Mickey made sure he was holding your hand firm enough, he started dodging the people, and making his way through the words. His strong hold made you not get lost in between the people, forcing them to move and let you pass too.

“Call Hallie and Randy,” said Mickey, turning his head to look at you. You smiled at him softly, and he returned your smile. “You know, so they don’t wait for us”

You nodded, and although you struggled to take your phone from your pocket, you did as he said. Having you been focused on calling one of them and not helping him get out of the busy street made things more difficult for Mickey, but he still kept trying to make people on your way move, mouthing words of forgiveness he didn’t really mean.

“Randy!” You exclaimed, once he finally picked up the phone, after the second call. 

“There’s a shit ton of people here, this almost looks like Carrie’s prom!” Randy’s voice came out as bothered as you had imagined him to be. He wasn’t the most sociable of people unless he had a drink first. “Let’s just hope nobody covers anybody with pig’s blood”

You rolled your eyes at the horror movie reference. “Yeah… I guess. Hey, listen, Mickey and I are going back to the dorms”

“What?” Randy was so loud that you had to move your phone from your ear. You opened your mouth to repeat yourself, but Randy had already started talking. “Fuck, we were already heading to the store you guys said”

“Don’t.” You glanced at Mickey to make sure he was doing okay. His determination to get out of there was almost cute. “See you at Hallie’s?”

“Yeah, sure”

You nodded, although he couldn’t see you, and after hanging up you returned the phone to its place in your pocket. Taking a look around, you realized there weren’t so many people anymore. The release of anxiety it caused made you squeeze Mickey’s hand softly, like a reward, which resulted in him turning his head to make sure you were okay. Mickey flashed his smile when he found you already looking at him.

“You made it,” you smiled, nudging him with your elbow.

“We made it.” Mickey corrected, chuckling quietly under his breath. He pulled you closer to him thanks to your joined hands, and he didn’t let go. “Although you’re probably right because I did most of the hard work, you know”

You scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes as you walked next to him. “Yeah, because it was such a hard job to walk past a group of people”

“How dare you? It was a very big group of people. In fact, it was a crowd.” Mickey did his best to put on an indignant face, although he totally cracked when you raised a defiant eyebrow at him. His hand pressed yours firmly, like he wasn’t planning on ever letting it go even though you had already gotten out of that crowd. It looked like a good plan for you, because you weren’t planning on letting go either. “Next time I won’t do it, I’m tellin’ ya. You’re getting out of there yourself, Y/N”

“Oh, poor, unfortunate little me.” You mocked, with a serious face on, although a giggle escaped your mouth when he nudged you with his elbow. By the smile on his face, he looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained mysteriously silent. “What?”

“Nothing,” he chuckled, swinging your hands together back and forth. He felt like a kid in Christmas, exactly like that

“M-Kay.” You murmured, still looking at him from the corner of your eyes. Mickey continued to smile widely. “You’re weird”

Mickey hummed in agreement, and he made no effort to try and debate about it. You two continued to walk towards the residence hall in silence and holding hands — and Mickey continued to smile, thinking about how much he liked you, although keeping it to himself because he liked the way your eyebrows twitched whenever you noticed him smiling at you for no evident reason.

[honeysuckle-venom]

Long DID post, lots of inner world stuff

Kind of want to talk about something that's been going on internally, but it requires a lot of background that I haven't bothered to give for several months. But whatever, I'll try to give an abridged version with enough information that things make sense.

Most of us have fused, but it's not...the same as never having had parts. And we haven't all fused. Last February I discovered a part, I don't know that I've ever talked about her on main and she doesn't have a name I'm willing to share here, but I'm going to call her C. She was around when we were a kid (in fact, I have good reason to believe she's the core/original part. I know not everyone has one of those but I think we do). She went dormant when we were 11, and woke up last spring. When she woke up, it was accompanied by a strong internal knowledge that she had been dead and buried in an internal grave the whole time, and that her coming out of dormancy was her crawling out of her grave and taking breath for the first time in 15 years. But although she's no longer presenting internally as dead like she did when she was dormant, she still stays internal and very rarely fronts. She kind of came along with an internal world, and we did some work in therapy to discover it more clearly, but it felt like discovering rather than creating for the most part. Before she woke up I didn't think the main system had an internal world, but we do now. She lives there, and although Cypher and I have fused, Cypher is kind of...pulling double duty? She's fused with me, but she also lives with C in a cottage in our internal world, acting as C's...bodyguard? Knight? Whatever, her protector. C needs a lot of protection. She's extremely vulnerable and extremely important to me/all of us. Most of why she doesn't front is because she's too fragile still, she's recovering, and she's easily wounded, and it's very very important that she not be wounded. When she's wounded things go very badly. Because of that she mostly stays internal, deep in a cottage in the woods. She very occasionally cofronts, and it's always a wonderful feeling when she does, but it never ever happens unless we're alone or in therapy, and even then it's rare. It takes a lot of effort to communicate with her/get her towards the front, and if anything makes us feel at all unsafe she immediate goes back away and it becomes almost impossible for me to feel her/get in touch with her. I spend a lot of time and effort making things feel soft and gentle and safe enough for her to come forward, because it feels so wonderful and whole and hopeful when I can feel her/cofront with her. But it's hard and when she's gone it's hard to bring myself to do the things that will bring her forward again. But that's an issue for a different post.

Anyway. I fucked up last week. I didn't take appropriate care of C, of making sure she was safe and protected and barricaded before going to see our mom. Of course she wasn't fronting or as far as I know even conscious when we saw mom, but we should have done some special internal visualizations and stuff to keep her extra safe, and we didn't. And now Cypher is furious at me for letting C get hurt. I'd been trying to figure out for days why I was decompensating to this extent and why I was so incredibly angry 24/7, and today in therapy we realized it's because of that. I can't apologize directly to C, or well, I can but the message won't get through the protective layers, and I live internally in a castle very far away from the cottage where she is. My inner world self isn't currently even allowed to know the route to the cottage, it's magically disguised. But I can get a messenger bird to carry a letter to the post office in the village right outside of the woods that Cypher checks every so often, apologizing and promising to do it differently next time. It's funny, because Cypher is both living in the cottage with C and still fused with me, so I can feel the acknowledgement as I'm writing this that the intention to apologize has been heard, but I still need to internally go through the process of visualizing writing the note and tying it to a bird and waiting for it to arrive. Internal worlds are fucking bizarre apparently. Or possibly Cypher split into two so that one version could stay separate to stay inside with C? Unclear. Anyway, I'm going to do that and hopefully it will help us all calm down some.

[3lectra-he4rt]

since there’s only a few weeks left until the day of reckoning,,

What scenes do you *need* in the ballad movie?

This one’s gonna be a long one, i’m pasting it from my notes app. (Some have emojis cause i was going through the rings of hell while reading) Buckle up. Also, some are just very vague in the sense that i just want *something* like what i’ve described.

- Coriolanus reading the letter from Tigris

- When Lucy was crying in the classroom with Coryo

- When Coriolanus gave Lucy the compact

- When Lucy is running from Reaper

- Arachne’s death

- Sejanus putting the breadcrumbs over Arachne and her tribute after they died, either Coriolanus noticing him doing so or it in the background for us to find

- Reaper making the graveyard

- Reaper cutting the flag

- Sejanus going into the arena and everything that followed (and him putting the breadcrumbs over Marcus!!)

- Sejanus showing up to be a peacekeeper with Coriolanus

- When Coriolanus calls Clemensia “Clemmie” </333

- When Clemensia comes into Coriolanus’ hospital room in the middle of the night

- The pus coming out of Clemensia when she is bitten (it NEEDS to be blue, pink, and yellow)

- Coriolanus and Lysistrata. Them while watching the games and strategizing bc Lysistrata has Jessup, but also just them being silly together ☹️☹️☹️

- Tigris with her fathers coat

- “Lucy Gray, having languished in Dr.Gaul’s lab, would be long dead, and his heart dead with her.” (Coriolanus thinking of his future)

- Sejanus’ house + “Ma’s corner” 😭😭😭

- C: “I don’t know what ever possessed me to ask for twelve.” S: “Completely random, obviously,”

- Lucy saving Coriolanus from the bombing, a shot of when her arm is around his shoulder and he’s clutching the ruffles of her skirt (the clutching is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.)

- Him parading her around the monkey house when he get stuck in there w her and the other tributes

- The picnic at the zoo </33

- Coriolanus holding Clemensia from behind when the snakes show up in the arena

- When Smiley says there’s going to be someone named “Lucy something” singing at the hob the book says “His girl. His love. His Lucy Gray.”

- Ma’s explanation of the bread crumbs

- “We pour money into our industries, not into the districts themselves,” said Sejanus. “The people are on their own.”

- Literally just the daughter of Mayor Lipp’s name. It’s Mayfair.

- The execution of Arlo Chance + ‘Lil’ coming through the crowd for him

- “What’s bothering you? And don’t say nothing.”

- Everyone slapping each other’s backs after drinking some of the stuff smiley got in the Hob

- “It reminds me of the capitol” “you don’t say home.” “No. For me, that will always be district 2.”

- The hob fight

- “And yes, I’d be happy to go with you.”

- C: “Do I look okay?” S: “Gorgeous. Trust me, that lips working for you, soldier.”

- Lucy and Coriolanus’s argument with Billy Taupe

- C: “I thought you were letting this whole rebel thing go!” S: “I can’t, all right? It’s part of who I am..”

- Sejanus having drugs in his locker box

- ‘High-as-a-Kite-Bottom’

- L: “that’s what my daddy thought, too. And he ended up with more bullet holes than I could count on my fingers,”

- “ "Well, that's it, then. I saved you from the fire, and you saved me from the snakes. We're responsible for each other's lives now." "Are we?" he asked. "Sure," she said. "You're mine and I'm yours. It's written in the stars." "No escaping that." “

- “ "You know, Sejanus, I'm your friend. More than a friend. You're the closest thing I'll ever have to a brother. And there are special rules for family. If you need help . . . I mean, if you get into something you can't handle ... I'm here." Tears welled up in Sejanus's eyes. "Thank you, Coryo. That means a lot. You may be the only person in the world who I actually trust." Ah, trust again. The air was full of it. "Come here." He pulled Sejanus into an embrace.”

- Barb Azure is a LESBIAN?? “She just started seeing a gal down the road,” (Lucy talking abt Barb Azure

- L: “People have been around for a long time without the capitol. I expect they’ll be here a long time after.”

- Cc finding Katniss for Lucy

- The lake being the same lake as THG trilogy, Coriolanus noticing the house that would end up being so important for Katniss in THG

- The explanation of the covey’s names (song + color)

- The “we all have a ballad, and this is Lucy’s!” Scene with the song

- Sejanus looking like an eight year old boy to Coriolanus as he’s being pulled up to be hanged

- Sejanus saying “Coryo” while being pulled up to be executed

- Sejanus’s last word being “Ma!”

- Coriolanus’s absolute breakdown after Sejanus died

- The epilogue.

- "Because we credit them with innocence. And if even the most innocent among us turn to killers in the Hunger Games, what does that say? That our essential nature is violent," Snow explained.

Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[jessecrust]

games as art, part 2: who cares?

An eternity ago, I wrote a blog about a game you might have heard of called Elden Ring and why it and other games like Hades are probably works of art. It's something I think about far too much on lonely car rides to and from work (my commute is roughly 10 minutes). And it's something I've been thinking about a lot more lately having spent a good deal of my free time actively avoiding any new games and trying to get games from the 90s and 2000s to run on my PC without crashing. Honestly, it's actually extremely easy to avoid playing new games because they're released at a rate of about 2.5 a year in a good year.

And yet it somehow feels like there's never been more video game content out there. There's your multiplayer shooters, your MMOs, your "live service" games, mobile games, remakes, re-releases, etc. etc. I'm not one of those people who think you can draw a line between "real" games like something on a major console or PC and "fake" games like this cute thing I have on my phone called "Cats&Soup", but if every video game is indeed art then it is a unfathomably broad category.

Why does any of this matter? Well, if you've ever spent any time on Wikipedia, you may have come across this, or a similar, sentence:

Deemed "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" by the United States Library of Congress, Die Hard was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry in 2017

One reason it's important to figure out what exactly we're talking about when we have these incredibly tedious conversations is so we can figure out what is worth preserving. I feel that in our Age of Content, as I'll call it, it's increasingly difficult to figure out what we should be preserving for future generations.

I don't think this is me being pretentious, although that word itself has come to mean something entirely different in the age of the never ending Battle Royale Multiplayer Shooter and the Marvel Cinematic Universe. A few nights ago, I saw someone say Quentin Tarantino was a pretentious director because he didn't want to make a Marvel movie. That idea really bothered me, that someone would see a guy who spent his career making eminently watchable popcorn movies and think "what a snob". Yes, I admit, I got sad about one guy writing a tweet, that's really dumb, I know. But go type Martin Scorsese into a Twitter search and you'll find he's not alone in thinking there's something pretentious about making movies that doesn't include a CGI raccoon.

But back to the pretentious art snobbery, it's not necessarily a question of "real" vs. fake or art vs. not art. I've had a good time watching movies like Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Batman (which I wrote about), and even that weird Dr. Strange movie that people can't really decide if they liked or not. These movies are probably not in any real danger of disappearing, but other movies are and most, if not all, video games are. And no one is seriously making the claim that none of them are worth preserving: The Dark Knight, a movie about Batman, is part of the National Film Registry.

Film lovers like Scorsese and other writers, directors, critics, etc. have worked hard to preserve their artform for future generations. I can't think of any director or writer or video games that is doing the same for games. It already requires extensive modding to get some games to run on modern PCs, let alone tracking down physical copies of classic games that could easily cost more than you make in a full eight hour shift at your job. Game directors and writers are not celebrities in the way film directors, actors, and musicians are. Try to name a video game director or think of a game you've played recently where you even bothered to find out who directed or wrote it. The most widely known director of video games is probably Shigeru Miyamoto of Nintendo and I doubt even he would be recognized by more than a quarter of the general population despite being responsible for over 75% of your childhood nostalgia. Yes, there are plenty of hobbyists, academics, etc. that are doing everything they can to preserve games, but we need those artist/advocates to really drive home the stakes. Who better to talk about the history, love, and preservations of this medium than their own creators?

As more technology is pushed to the wayside, as physical media continues to decline and copyright laws in the digital sphere get stranger and stranger, there's a real danger of not being able to immerse yourself in the history of games in the same way you can with every other piece of human culture. What good is a top 100 video games of all time list if I can't even play them? I can't even play the version of Overwatch I bought five years ago. To be sure, this project is also necessarily anti-capitalist, since the rights holders to these franchises and IPs will fight/have fought tooth and nail to stop it.

Do you know why "you can run Doom on anything" became a meme? Partly because anyone can download its source code for free. Imagine if the same were true of every other game release on or before 1993.

To close, I'll tell another anecdote about a post I saw on the internet. I saw a comment somewhere, maybe YouTube, that said something to the effect of "I'm glad I'll get to play Silent Hill 2 when the remake comes out". This is a problem we have to solve quickly...

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hello AJ.

I read your reply to my ask, and I'm going to keep the name shy anon because it means a lot to me too.

I always wonder every time I send you an ask, especially on this blog since it's dedicated to ipk, I wonder if I'm being annoying, and I think about whether or not you and your mutuals are bothered by just how much I talk about my life. And I've said this before but thank you so much for always making this such a welcome space and for reassuring me that I'm not being a bother. I just constantly express my gratitude because I genuinely feel grateful every time I message you.

Truth be told, the reason I don't share most of this with my irl friends and family is because I have this aching fear of being a disappointment to them. So it's easier to talk here because I don't actually have to face you. If that makes me a coward then I'm definitely a coward. But it doesn't take anything away from the fact that you and your mutuals are wonderful and even though me sharing my problems here started like that, the reason I keep coming back is because I feel a genuine connection now. And I love the analogy you used kyunki jab bhi main yahan msg karti hoon main dil se karti hoon aur mere mann ka bojj halka hota hai.

AJ. Thank you so much. For existing and for being so compassionate, understanding and talented as hell.

PS: You've been away for quite a while. How are you doing? I hope that all is well.

Bye 🥰

Hello Shy Anon,

What's IPK apart from bringing people closer? As Jug from Dear Zindagi said, every relationship has its own special place and own set of expectations.

It's completely ok to sometimes not face people - don't call yourself a coward. Also your friends should never make you feel terrible for sharing your worst with them. But I understand, heck I was feeling sad for calling up a friend only when I'm crying and I needed support and you know what she said?

"That's what friends are for."

Every friendship has its place in life. For some you're the advice givers. For some you're the advice seekers. For some you're the gossipers. For some you're the listeners.

And these relationships are all equally important as long as there's solid non judgmental love.

And it means a lot for me to have you here. As I have said before, my heart feels warm because in a strange way my blog has documented somebody's wonderful life. It's a blessed sweet connection.

I am doing well, extremely upset on YouTube cause they're behind me cause I have TWO just TWO VMs out there and they have a load of views. Ugh.

Best,

AJ

[softceleste]

i don’t know how to deal with the fact that one of my favorite actors is completely ignoring the ongoing genocide. the implication of their silence and them not even deigning to share a call for a ceasefire is something I genuinely can’t get past. they haven’t even cleared the bar of doing the bare minimum and i’m finding it hard to imagine engaging with any media they’re a part of at this point.

i’m sorry to bother you with this message but the person i’m talking about is someone you also like and i didn’t know who else i could talk to about this. i deliberately left out any identifying information so as not to invite any weirdos to your blog should you choose to answer this. i can send their name in a separate ask if you wish. once again, sorry to bother you

Hey love! So from the get go, I just want to say you are absolutely not bothering me whatsoever, okay? I’m glad that you feel safe / comfortable enough to come talk to me about how you’re feeling, and honestly like... if people are weird in my anons, I’ll block them. You’re good!

I’ll also be honest that I’m still trying to navigate my feelings with this specific thing happening with a couple of my favorites too. Like on the one hand, I obviously prefer that they’re not actively calling for the deaths of Palestinians given how many horrible posts I've seen from celebs doing that, but on the other hand, being silent is frankly just enabling genocide at this point and I fail to see how anyone doesn’t see that. It’s part of why I’m frustrated with people who were posting daily at the beginning and hasn’t posted the entirety of 2024 about it as well currently, because like... right now it’s extremely important to keep posting.  So I’m taking this case by case currently, and keeping an eye on the letters and stuff (because a lot of celebs are not posting zionist on IG to avoid being canceled rn and signing shit like the Biden letter, but on the flip side there’s been celebs I personally haven’t seen post yet, but I’ve seen photos of in the streets protesting for a ceasefire) right now, and in a lot of cases I’m leaning towards drop so you may see me drop more and more people as time goes on, but I’m gonna keep my eyes on stuff and see how it continues to go.

That being said, I got your anon about who we’re discussing and... yeah, so I kinda already have dropped her and decided to only post her when my friends tag me in stuff of hers for a variety of reasons (including realizing the sheer amount of vocal transphobes she follows and engages with, and not being able to think of a single time she has positively discussed the trans community) until I 100% decide how I feel about her - it may even end up being a 100% no reblog situation, we'll see after I sort out my feelings. But she did post in October, and I’ll put that post that IG story under the read more. I’ll be completely honest though, I wouldn’t expect any future posts from her, and between her closest friends politics / posts on the matter and what I know about the area she grew up in (because I have family who lives in the same town), I’m not sure we’d like any posts she’d make if she did decide to post about Palestine. Like it sucked dropping someone I was following/loved like a decade, but I'm trusting my gut on this one you know? Would rather listen to it and get proven wrong, than not and be proven right in this situation, personally 💕

Image Link (because I can't readmore it ??? yikes tumblr)

[lokiessnyx]

Review Of Savage Lands #1

You know I am beginning to understand book burning. Yes it is truly that bad.

I saw this book the other day and I saw that a reviewer I liked gave this book four stars and I decided that I would try it. From the second chapter I realized what a big mistake I made.

We start the book with our main character obviously bexelely. I must warn you that I cannot be bothered to write her ridiculous name properly. So bexly is about to steal supplies from trains to give to the poor with her best friend Caden. Now she makes sure to tell us that she is not doing it for the poor people, no she does it for the thrill. Now that's fine, not everyone has to be a paragon of goodness.

Now we are made to believe she is so great at doing this, and I just wonder how she has never been caught. For the two times raiding we see her be an idiot, waste time, and nearly get caught the first time and actually get caught the second time.

Now she gets her best friend in trouble since his father is someone important and he gets mad at her. They have some boring teenage romance angst going on between them. Now though I do agree that Beatly is an idiot, I'm not going to excuse Caden caught she did not drag him away unconscious, he agreed to help her so it's also on him.

Now the second chapter is where I encountered the second problem.

I knew I was different from most girls around here. My Russian and Irish roots gave me pale skin, but extremely dark and sharp features. “Unique” and “stunning” were words I heard the most, along with “intimidating.” I had a lot of male attention and interest, but most guys stayed away, like an invisible line had been drawn around me. Either they were scared of me or didn’t want to cross the most formidable cadet at the school.

--Chapter 2.

Our main character was a vain brat and for some reason everyone is in love with her and she makes sure to let you know that. Not only does she repeat how slim and inhumanely beautiful she is, other people do.

“Sergiu?” I gagged. “Are you serious? Gross. Plus, haven’t you heard the rumors about him?”

“His kink is beating up prostitutes he’s screwing, and he won’t date anyone because he thinks he’s above everyone?” She shrugged. “Yeah, but think how riled up Caden would get if you flirted with him. Might finally get him to act. Because Sergiu would fall over his tongue to get to you. All men do.”

The men really took it personally, proving sexism was still alive and well. Not just because I was a slim, petite-boned girl, but it seemed to piss the boys off that I was pretty too. As if that was the reason they lost their concentration. As if someone who looked as I did shouldn’t be able to outmatch them.

-- Chapter Three

I wasn’t the kind of girl who enjoyed getting dressed up in torturous outfits and shoes, and I was rarely on my best behavior with stuffy, boring people. I’d rather be in my cargo pants and tank hanging out with Caden, drinking palinka.

-- Chapter Three

Of course she is not like other girls.

“Yes, she is.” Vale chuckled, stepping up to me. “Most grown men, fae or human, pee their pants when we show up.” He pressed the gun I’d briefly held into my temple while the healer dressed my wounds. “You are a spirited one. Gave me a little rush, human.”

--Chapter 8

“It’s only been six days since her capture; she is still healing, but don’t underestimate her,” Sloane added, pushing me forward toward them.

--Chapter 9.

Even the people that hate her kind and want to enslave her are complementing her. It's annoying every time it happens cause its just a waste of page. Like we know girl.

Back to the narration. So she is in her fight academy or something where she is getting her butt kicked because she did not sleep well. The guy she is fighting with that for reason want to sleep with her calls her a hoe and says she slept with him years ago and the class is all fascinated with all this tea but Berdly wont allow this blow to her ego so she gives this wonderful comeback:

“Honestly, you were so incompetent in bed, I’d be surprised if you can even get yourself off.” My voice went low and husky.

There was a beat.

“Oooohhhh, dammmnnn!” A few guys laughed, covering their mouths in shock.

--Chapter 3

What a middle school insult like if you ever said that as a comeback in my class you would have been laughed at and mocked. Like its so lame. This class must be starved for comebacks if that comeback warrants ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh and dammmmmmmmmmnnn. See how annoying that is and that leads to me third problem with this book. The author's exclamations. She stretches out words needlessly for no reason and for me of all people to notice it. It was done a lot.

Anyway, she beats him up because she is so wonderful and sees Caden randomly leaning on a wall looking mad about Berdly sleeping with that guy, and leaves. Her best friend comes up and the interaction goes like this:

Random friend whose name I do not remember: Oh my gosh girl did you really sleep with that guy. You are soooo much better than him.

Berdly: I know right.

Friend: So spill the tea, what's going on with you and Caden. He looked so pissed with Aron saying those stuff.

Berdly: Oh, we're just friends and he doesn't like me and it's not like we almost kissed yesterday or something.

Friend: Omg girl. I have the perfect plan for you guys to get together. So at the party tonight---

Berdly: What party?

Friend: The one Caden's dad is hosting for the official visitor.

Berdly: Oh I don't care about stuff like that at all. I'd rather be drinking with the boys.

Friend: Whatever back to my plan. So you know Caden was just angry at you for sleeping with another guy who is a jerk and treats you like crap, I want you to go flirt with that guy that beats the woman he sleeps with and Caden will be so jealous and confess to you. This will totes not go wrong at all. Also did I mention that you are beautiful.

After that horrible exchange we cut to Bexly dressing for the party while Caden's mum tells her that she is beautiful and there was time when woman had a choice to marry refuses to elaborate and leaves.

She gets to the party and she notices Caden is drinking and she immediately assumes it's because of her because of course everything revolves around her. They have a then boring melodramatic conversation where they almost confess their love for each other but are conveniently interrupted by Caden's father who takes them to meet the visiting official after a while. We then have a truly disgusting paragraph about the man's wife.

“Yes. We do.” Lazar[visitng official] twisted to peer behind him, flicking his head at the figures. His stunning wife, Sorina, stepped forward, silent and demure. She used to model, prostitute, and work in adult movies before he pulled her from the trenches and made her rich and pampered. He treated her similar to a second-class citizen, and probably reminded her at every turn he could send her back into poverty’s cruel embrace. She smiled and did all the right things but was vacant and dead behind her eyes. I wanted to feel bad for her, but she made her own bed…

Really Bexly. A woman who lives in the dregs and poverty and probably was forced to sell her body for money find a man who marries her and shares his riches with her. He treats her badly but she can't leave because she is will return to prostitution and poverty and it's her fault not the fault of the system you live in or something. The system that Bexly benefits her. This is the moment when this book became truly bad to me.

Caden's Dad then reveals he plans to marry her off to the visiting official's son [the one who beats the woman he sleeps with]. Bexly is horrified at this but I could only think that well, you made your own bed.

Caden gets pissed off and leaves. Bexly then realizes that the reason she is being married off is because Caden's Dad want her to be the woman who will take control over the official's land. Bexly mentally swears to put everything she has learned to good use and she will made him proud and this was the one moment I sensed something good in this book but it is promptly thrown away a few lines later.

Bexly still feels overwhelmed by this and run away from the party in heels. I have to give her that though, running with heels *shudders*. She meets up with Caden drunk and lo and behold he confesses his love to her and we have this interaction that had me wondering what in the Romeo and Juliet was I reading:

“Why?” he snapped back to me. “We should probably start learning not to. You’ll soon be confiding in your husband.”

“Stop.” My lip lifted in a grimace. “Don’t even start that shit. You think I want this? You think this is what I dreamed of? The man I wanted to spend my life with?”

“Then refuse.”

“Refuse?” A barked laugh tore at my throat. “Like it’s so easy.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t make this sound as if it’s simple. I have nothing, Caden. Nothing.”

***

Caden froze, not moving away, but not moving closer, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Brex, don’t.”

“Why?” Pain and desperation rang in the single word like a bell. “Don’t you want to kiss me?”

His chest moved violently up and down. “More than you know.”

“Then please, Caden.”

Agony flinched his cheek. “I can’t.”

Rejection filled my eyes, shattering my chest as if ice cracking open.

He grabbed my cheek, his warm palm cupping my face, his eyes wild and desperate.

***

“That’s why I can’t.” Both his hands slid along my jaw, drawing me closer to him, his mouth skimming mine. “Because if I get a taste of you, I will never be able to let you go. And seeing you with Sergiu…it will destroy me.” He leaned his forehead into mine, torturing me with the proximity of his lips, his hot breath against my mouth.

***

He inhaled sharply, like I was breaking him down. His mouth skated over mine, landing on the corner of my lips, kissing me softly. “I can’t. Kissing you, being with you, will destroy me. I must do the right thing.” He drew back, tearing my heart from my chest, gutting me, bleeding out my hope. “Ask anything else from me, and I will give it to you. But this I can’t. I won’t come back from it.”

---Chapter Six.

Like we get it guy, smooching our lovely MC will destroy you. Anyway she decided to take advantage of this moments and decides to go raid the Trains again. He's reluctant but she guilt-trips him.

At this point I was only reading to see the Warwick guy the summary mentioned. I mean a good love interest can change a book. So I continued on.

So once again we see how much of brilliant thief she is. She waste time, ignored her lookout and only left at the last moment when the guards were already upon them. They run, Caden escapes and our main character gets shot.

Would have been a wonderful ending but the Fae save her with magic or something and she lives. She attacks some of them, she gets her butt handed to her but then her captors who loathe her kind go on to say how wonderful she is.

At this point, I just gave up. Like no man, Warwick or whatever is worth the irrational rage I feel when I read another line. So this is the first Dnf of the year which I dropped because it was straight up bad.

If the writing was at least beautiful or something at least that would have made the book more bearable but no it reads like a mildly edited first draft.

Lets hope I have better luck with the next book I read.

1 Star.

[dzpenumbra]

11/29/22

Big day. Seems like a lot of those lately. Got the conflict with my mom addressed again to clarify, with some time to reflect. We've been having this shit going on where the problem is referred to as "a communication problem" or "a miscommunication" and that usually is like... a wink and nod at me like I'm not communicating well. It really created a complex in me for a very long time, because... you know... I'm a writer... and an artist... and a musician... Communication is kinda my thing. So it kinda has always felt like throwing me under the bus, because every one of these problems (at least with my mom) are because she is not communicating something that's bothering her, not communicating plans, making assumptions or making decisions on my behalf without my consent or consultation. Or because she doesn't understand what I'm communicating and she doesn't ask any questions to clarify. This is a problem I've had with others as well, I think it's a pride thing? But also an anxiety thing. And... it's really hard to know that it's a mental health issue... and to still be like... firm about it? Because otherwise I just get scapegoated, and that's just... extremely unhealthy.

So I think we got some really important stuff communicated, namely "do not change plans or make decisions or commitments on my behalf without consulting with me, just call or text me first." It's really painful to be a 36 year old and have this problem, which is like... a problem that teenagers and college students have... I guess I just picked the wrong career, huh...

I got the internet set up to transfer over to my new place. I'm in talks to see if I can just sell my old car to the dealership and trade it in for a lease of the car that I'm renting. I have no idea if I should even own a car, to be frank. I kinda need one for vet appointments and visiting family, but if it weren't for that... I'd be really tempted to just get a OneWheel and just ride that fucker around anytime I want to go somewhere. And I mean that! On one of the drives today, I remembered that there was a pivotal moment in my life when I was ready to buy a motorcycle. It was going to be my thing. I had already done a big solo road trip, I always wanted either an old Army WWII era Jeep (which I could learn how to fix and maintain) or a motorcycle. Maybe even both. But my mom somehow convinced me to get a service dog and an SUV.

I loved my dog with all my heart, she changed my life forever - though I really wish I never saw her as a service dog, just a best friend, it took us way too many years to get to that healthy relationship - but I always look back and wonder how different my life would be if I just took the money I had saved up from streaming... Didn't give the money to my ex to pay off her debt... But instead spent it on a motorcycle. Or that old Jeep. How different of a person would I be? Is that even a life I still want? I think so, honestly. Some version, at least.

As far as the car goes, all of the repairs I'm trying to just flat-out sell the car because of - I've been waiting a week for them to even order parts, they can't even order parts right now! - all that damage came from neglect. It came from the car just sitting in the driveway and not being driven for months, years. I feel horrible. I wish I just had goddamn friends to do things with and none of this would have happened. And I really worry that this new car is just going to suffer the same fate. It really sucks, because it's like... you have to pay money on gas to go drive this vehicle literally anywhere just to spare yourself paying more money in repairs. What a fucking black hole of money. Ugh. But I'm literally moving my entire life by myself and trying to take care of an elderly cat with health problems, so... I wasn't really prepared to go fucking car shopping. If I was prepared, I'd probably get an electric. Assuming you can charge those at home? I don't know enough about those things. But yeah, I'm kinda just caught off-guard and reacting to put these fires out. My mom suggested doing a lease, then I can just like... renegotiate it if I need to. I guess that makes sense. That's the plan we're running up currently.

I took a run up to the apartment. It took me like 2 hours to pack the car, I packed it literally to the fucking brim, like I could barely even fit food in the car, it was almost air-tight. I got up in good time, didn't need to use GPS or anything. I got it all unloaded in less than 40 minutes. That's including getting a new litterbox set up in a closet and exploring what I'm dubbing the "art cave". Check this shit out. My new apartment is a loft, so its got a big common room, a staircase going up to the bedroom and in the wall at the top of the stairs is a hatch that goes into a big carpeted storage space. But this storage space is like... big enough to stand up in. And it has a light in it! So, my plan... back in college, I had a wall in my apartment that I covered in paper and I had it as basically a graffiti/mural wall that anyone who came over could draw on. I want to either do that with this space and turn it into an art cave, or try to soundproof it and turn it into a recording booth. Either way, I'm really excited to play around with that space.

I drove back, the drive went super quick. Got Taco Bell on the way back, super underwhelming. I was considering just doing the last bit tonight, making a grand total of about 8 hours of driving, but I decided to just do it in the morning. I figured it wouldn't really be fair to Max to spend like an hour packing and then put her in a crate, drive her 2.5 hours and then bring her into a brand new home at like... 1:30AM. That doesn't give her a lot of time to get acquainted with the space with me. Because I'm just going to give her her meds and pass out. So I decided to do it tomorrow, and then we can have the day to pack slowly and settle in to the new place together.

The only other thing that happened today was soaking a goat skull. That's a sentence you don't hear everyday... I'll keep this story brief if you haven't heard it before, but last summer a woman contacted me on a dating site. I had it listed on my profile that I was looking to get into more 3D mediums this year - wood, stone and bone. She said she lived on a farm in a rural area nearby and offered some bones, if I was interested. I was shocked that anyone even wanted to speak to me, this was literally a week after I put my dog down... so I just was glad to have the company. We FaceTimed for like 10 hours, told stories, bonded. Then she offered to bring some bones over and hang out the next day. I said sure. She showed up and pulled 2 5 gallon buckets full of goat bones in varying stages of decomposition out of her car and gave them to me. I was so overwhelmed with the social interest that I didn't even process what I was getting into. And now, almost 6 months later, I still have a box full of goat bones in my living room. They're too thin to work with, at least the stuff I know how to do. And I honestly just don't know their story, which makes me feel uncomfortable. I've handled dead animals before - I've had to dispose of rabbits that foxes have mangled, and a disembodied deer leg, and a dead red-tailed hawk that snapped its neck and died in my yard. These were all very solemn, respectful events. I knew what happened, I treated them honorably and it was done. But these, I just get a weird vibe from these. I can't put my finger on it. I feel bad, because I would really love to honor these animals, there's just a mental barrier there for some reason.

Today... I tried to push through the barrier, and somewhat succeeded. There were two skulls included in the bone pile. One was a bit rotted on the bottom, the other was cracked around the nasal cavity (those bones are always super fragile) but seemed to not be decomposed. It's pretty large. I was planning on carving either a mandala or just... sorta intuitive abstract designs into it, and either using it as an ornamental piece or, if I can figure out a good way to do it, an incense burner. But I'm still a little weirded out by it. And again, I can't really figure out why. Maybe it's just the memory associated with it? Maybe because it was like... a domesticated animal and not a wild animal? Like if this was a deer skull I don't think I would have these feelings at all. I don't know. Welp, either way, it's out soaking on the porch overnight, to clean it up and decontaminate anything that might be lingering on it. We'll see if this feeling passes and I feel okay carving it. Either way, I'm going to have to figure out how to get rid of these bones in a not sketchy and respectful way. I was thinking of contacting animal control and telling them the story, I bet they know what to do with animal bones. We'll see, I have some time to figure that out.

Right now, it's late so I need to go get my kitty her meds and get ready for bed. Next journal entry will be from my new place. Assuming the internet works... Fingers crossed!

[the-firebird69]

My name is also Brandi my husband loves me and doesn't hurt me or throw me away or leave me alone or push me aside or any of this weird stuff you all do he says excuse me cuz he might have a problem and I check sometimes and he doesn't mind because it helps us and I'm also checking for different reasons. No I'm telling you something you're trying to distract him and doesn't want to be it's a big deal for him because he loved her look and wanted to be with her and that girl is me and he loves this girl's look she's a little small and I do grow up a little in the movie and you can see it and I look familiar to a lot of people but he knows I'm inside and I was not inside the other characters and he does not love them their friends sometimes and it's an important place and you're under a lot of pressure all the time and it's scary and disgusting and I'm his Island and he stays with me a lot and he doesn't do stuff all the time we're always just chatting sometimes he appears as a gopher and some people say that they're having people say stuff and he's not doing that. Anyways this is what I look like this is what I look like as Brandy in westborough Massachusetts as we passed the warlock's house and we went up to the party and he followed me around and he stopped and he said you're not paying attention to me and I came by and I talked to him he went to dance and I didn't want to dance so I went home and he kind of helped me get home and he was having trouble with some people her bothering me and help me get out and he left they're bothering him too and it's his fruitcakes here I'm going to teach them a lesson and yes it's part of India you can see where and it starts off a series and it's called dragon Ball z and yes the dragon balls are the eyes of the dragon and we use them and we're going to return them to the dragons and we do that when we reviving them and you're going to feel very very badly that we're doing that they're huge and extremely powerful some dragon balls are gigantic 20 30 40 miles in diameter and you're not ready for that we are some are much bigger but not separated

Brandi as seen here and we both use me as bait sometimes and it works very well and BG sometimes does with his wife who is here possessed that's who it is and the creature expels her and she's on her own for a while and depowers and escapes and I go on in the Ghostbusters movie and actually my husband possesses a giant float and turns it into marshmallow okay he's a little bit out there but he's jealous

Haha

The destroyer from Ghostbusters stay puft man

[sevikitty]

🖇 MY RAN HEADCANONS (finally)

hi, do you guys remember how like four days ago i said "oh i'll post some ran hcs tomorrow !!" and then i never did? well, i'm here now, so don't fucking judge me. please ♡

☆ Gives me Gemini, Sagittarius, and Scorpio vibes, their MBTI type is definitely INTP (I’m not reflecting on her but yes, I am).

☆ Uses she/them pronouns, with a preference for they/them pronouns. She’s demiromantic and is usually not bothered by their s/o’s gender, but is slightly more attracted to girls GNC people.

☆ FLAWS: lazy, sadistic, forgetful (when it’s a piece of information she doesn’t consider important, otherwise their memory is flawless), cynical, insensitive, reclusive.

☆ STRENGTHS: honest, trustworthy, patient, clever, adaptive, calm, sincere, witty, chill, funny.

☆ SKILLS/HOBBIES: ghost hunting with Dustin (name that a good part of the fandom gave the blond guy that is usually with her, the one that got that completely unnecessary beating from Silco after Cait and Vi escaped), swordplay, arts, dual spades, martial arts, parkour, people watching.

☆ I think her height’s around Vi’s height, or slightly taller (around 5’9/1.75m).

☆ I believe she has a unilateral hearing loss caused by a traumatic brain injury, which itself was probably caused by their fall in Act I. Call me blind or stupid but I highly believe that what they have on their left ear is not a piercing but a hearing aid.

- Talking about body modifications, she does have piercings anyways (which is actually canon), she has a lobe one on each ear. Other than the canon ones, I hc she has tongue and nipple piercings because I can and she’d look amazing with them.

- She likes cats and rats. She has a two-year-old cat named Bebe, and three rats that were named Silly Coco, Lockitty, and Vivika by Dustin.

☆ And on the subject of Dustin, as some other people I hc they are childhood friends, they’re almost inseparable to the point where they have to share an apartment/room at the Last Drop or they’ll start feeling anxious. Silco caught up on this pretty early and decided to let them indulge in their own habits since it makes them work better. I’m not saying they always need to be physically attached to the other, but it does make them feel safer.

☆ But being alone doesn’t affect her as much as it sometimes does to Dustin, actually, she enjoys it from time to time.

☆ Their love language is quality time, they also like physical affection but only when they’re the one initiating it.

☆ It's really not easy to get them mad, they’re an extremely calm person with great control of their own feelings and expressions.

☆ They don’t talk much either, not even when it comes to Dustin or the rest of Silco’s gang, they prefer to wait and observe. They believe that if they don’t have anything important to say, then they just won’t say anything at all. But sometimes a comment or two escapes their own self-control, and they’re effortlessly funny when it happens.

☆ Because of the “wait and observe” thing, she can remember extremely specific things about a lot of people. Maybe they won’t remember your birthday or the thing you were just telling them five seconds ago, but she’ll remember that time when you told her you preferred to be blind but have a really nice smile than to have no nose but have really good smelling fingers.

☆ I’m not reflecting on her (I am) but I believe she’s the type to be lowkey competitive but also pretty unmotivated at the same time. She just lets it go but still has the salty feeling when she doesn’t win/isn’t the best at what she’s doing.

☆ There’s something a Twitter user noticed (please send me their @ if you find it) and it was this:

☆ The user mentioned how she possibly lost her arm in this way, I thought it was pretty interesting and I haven’t seen other people talking about it.

☆ Now to the more random stuff, their favorite colors are purple and black.

☆ Most of the time, they’re sleep-deprived and their sleep schedule is extremely disorganized because of both being part of Silco’s main team and having trouble with it in general. When they do sleep, they do so with a shit ton of pillows around them (this may or may not a few random plushies here and there)

☆ Powder taught them and Dustin how to read and write (since Vi taught her how to read growing up), she doesn’t care that much about writing or about making her calligraphy nice-looking, but once Jinx started reading bedtime stories and cautionary tales with them, they were hooked. They love to read in their free time, even when they can get easily bored. I feel like in our world, their favorite books would be 1984 (George Orwell), The Stranger (Albert Camus), Animal Farm (George Orwell), The Catcher in the Rye (J. D. Salinger), Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck) and Lord of the Flies (William Golding).

☆ These are totally not my own favorite books.

☆ I think she’d be very interested in human behavior, she enjoys psychoanalyzing people, making obscure comments about it to the person, and then not elaborating on them.

☆ She’s also into art, but she’s never put much thought into it. She does some sketches from time to time, even more now that Sevika gave her a small notebook after seeing them doodling on a wall while laying on the floor with Dustin one day, but she doesn’t really consider herself an artist.

☆ Now, about her relationship with Sevika, I’m so sure that at some point she had the “I’m not sure if I want to be you or date you” type of crush on Sevika. She probably was their first crush, even though nowadays she sees her more as an older sister figure.

☆ As both of them are usually busy because of Silco, they don’t hang out as much as both would like to; besides as I mentioned before, Ran enjoys being alone when she isn’t with Dustin. From time to time, when they’re both finally able and comfortable enough to hang out, they have a great time, just chilling and drinking. Sevika appreciates Ran because they seem like a breath of fresh air in the middle of all the chaos.

☆ Ran’s always wanted to go to Piltover’s museums, she's never told anyone about it though. And if she wasn’t part of Silco’s gang, she’d consider being a tattoo artist.

☆ My theory is that her family came from Ionia at least two or three generations before her, which is why she can speak basic Ionian. She doesn’t take much part in their culture since she was never taught much about it while growing up, but they do keep some trinkets here and there from their family.

thank you guys for reading! feel free to dm me, comment or send an ask if you want to share your thoughts about this. also please give us more ran content ♡ ♡ ♡