#naïve heroes/petty betties

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I really need to get back to writing my soulmate au

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how is it that this fic is only 4 chapters but nearly 23k why don’t I have a life...

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1, 3, 5, 10, 14, and 15 (thats so many i'm sorry) for the OT4 !!!!

Nothing to be sorry for!!! 

ot4: Russian Roulette

1) Who plans a romantic getaway?Vladimir or Matt. But Matt’s idea of a ‘romantic getaway’ is probably, “Let’s go to this other side of Hell’s Kitchen!” 

3) Who buys a goat because the goat loves them?Alright, Anatoly isn’t a part of this ship but look. This fits perfectly. Because at one point Yelena buys him a goat in the fic okay. There’s reasons but it’s going to have to wait until later. So I guess Yelena and Anatoly both?

5) Who likes to clean?Vladimir. He’s OCD and has a certain order to how things go and he tells them, “You three don’t do this right.”

10) Who would be lovey dovey drunk?YELENA! She clings onto them and sings love songs. She’s gone after like three shots. She sings in slurred Russian and very strong accented and slurred English.

14) Who distracts the driver by being a bit too provocative in the car?I feel like Natasha is the driver when they all four are going somewhere because it sure as HAYEL is not going to be Yelena and she won’t give the keys to Vladimir. So Yelena and Vladimir decide to be little shits and be provocative in the backseat but the one they end up distracting the most is Matt in the passenger seat.Natasha, “If you jump back there too I will pull over.”

15) Who is the competitive one?Who isn’t? They’re all competitive as hell. Yelena and Matt probably especially though. And lord help all four of them and anyone around them if Yelena and Matt decide to be competitive towards each other.

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ot4: Russian Roulette

because apparently I can’t write anything else and I really don’t want to lose this thought…

Their very first date, Vladimir does it. He plans everything. And stresses all day long. He makes several different dishes much to Anatoly’s amusement because, “What if Matvey or Natashka doesn’t like this? I know Lenosha does!” And when Matt and Natasha come over with a box of store bought cookies and cheap wine because they didn’t know what else to bring and Yelena comes out of the shower, all four stand very awkwardly in the living room.  Anatoly, “… yeah so I’m going to leave you four here and go get coffee. Or… something.” All in all though, the meal goes very well, even if Matt doesn’t like that Vladimir’s two dogs, Snezhinka and Zvezdochka, are at their feet begging and that Vladimir is letting them eat some of the food while Yelena not so subtly feeds Strelka bites of her bread. Everyone agrees that Vladimir’s cooking is amazing and he bubbles with pride at the praise. They end up putting a movie in (with descriptive audio of course) but since Matt and Natasha weren’t planning on staying as long as they now are, Vladimir and Yelena loan them pajamas.  When Anatoly comes home several hours later to find them all sleeping on the couch with the dogs and cat curled up around them and a movie playing very softly in the background. He takes a picture.

The second date, Natasha plans it. She’s back in New York and lives in Brooklyn with Liho near Clint’s apartment building. She invites Vladimir, Yelena, and Matt over and buys them all Russian take out from her favorite restaurant. Vladimir takes one look and flat out, “I am not eating that garbage.” “Excuse you?” “I. Am not. Eating that. How dare you bring knock off Russian into my house-” “You mean my house.” “-and expect me to eat it? If you wanted Russian food, all you have to do is ask me and I will cook you whatever you want!” “Well I wanted knock off blini. Shut up and eat your borscht.” Meanwhile Matt and Yelena have made themselves plates and had placed bets on who was going to win if this broke into a fight. Both were betting on Natasha. Yelena feeds Liho bites of her pirozhki while Vladimir shakes his head in exasperation, Natasha rolls her eyes fondly, and Matt just huffs. He’s not a fan of pets in general and does not like feeding them off the table.

The next date is Yelena’s planning. It’s a nice sunny spring day and she thinks a picnic would be fun. She brings sandwiches from her favorite place and drinks. Vladimir picks enough flowers around the park to make her a flower crown. Then has to make one for Natasha then one for Matt because, “I can’t just give Lenosha a gift and not you two.” Matt flushes a bit and gently touches the flowers on his head. “I feel like I look ridiculous.” Natasha, “You always look ridiculous.” “Thanks babe.” Natasha, finger guns, and, “No problem.” While Vladimir just shrugs and says, “I agree with her. I have seen you in your stupid devil costume. You look dumb.” Matt just makes a face. “Is this gang up on Matt day or something?” He tries to come across as annoyed but it’s clear that he’s very amused and they all know it. Yelena gently pats his hand. “I think you only look half ridiculous in that costume, Motya.”

Then finally! It’s Matt’s turn! But he is the most forgetful person in this whole group when it comes to remembering dates. Like dates dates or just birthdays/anniversaries/holidays. So he says he’s taking them out and tells them to just come to his apartment and he’ll take them to the place a week in advance. Gives them the date and time. Sets an alarm on his phone right then and there so he won’t forget. He forgets.  The alarm goes off while he is at work and he just yells from his office, “Fuuuck! Foggy! I need your help!” “Thank god we didn’t have a client, Matt. What’s up?” “I have a date tonight!” “Okay? And?” “I don’t know where I’m taking them!” “How long have you been planning this?” “A week! But I forgot! My alarm is going off and I have two hours to find a place! I don’t know what Vladimir or Yelena even like!” He ends up going for Thai food.  Yelena goes straight to the dessert menu and tells the waitress, “I will take everything on this section of the menu.” Matt, “She’ll take the sticky rice! And that’s it. For now.” She tries to take everyone’s Thai iced tea. She actually does steal all of Matt’s and Natasha’s. But Vladimir takes his glass from her and holds it away from her.  “I am drinking this.”  He needs it as his face is currently red and he’s regretting asking for the spiciest thing on the menu because he just had to prove that he could so eat the spicy food. There isn’t enough milk in Hell’s Kitchen to quench this burn.

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Little thing also on just how extra Natasha and Yelena are, Natasha’s hair is naturally curly and Yelena’s is naturally straight. Natasha straightens her hair while Yelena curls hers. And they fight over the bathroom while Vladimir and Matt groan on the couch and wait for them to finish. Then jump in worry when a gunshot goes off. Then relax as Yelena yells, “NATALIA BIT ME!” “YELENA TRIED TO SHOOT ME!” Vladimir to Matt, “Can we just go to dinner without them…?” Matt just sighs, “If they aren’t finished in twenty minutes sure.”

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I still need to write the fluff/crack bit where Matt and Vladimir are exhausted and accidentally spit their toothpaste into Natasha’s hair and then run like bats straight out of hell and Yelena calls them idiots.

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I really like the number three and have that as the height difference between everyone. Vladimir is 6'. Matt is three inches shorter at 5'9". Yelena three inches shorter than him at 5'6". Then finally Natasha at 5'3". And so the mental image of Vladimir right next to Natasha... the tol and the smol.