#na Jaemin angst

[writemekpop]

Rockstar | Na Jaemin

Summary: It's not easy being the secret girlfriend of playboy idol Jaemin. But it's sure as hell worth it.

Genre: Suggestive, Idol!Jaemin, Angst

Word count: >1k

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jaemin asked, as you stepped out of his dark van a few streets away from the house.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, and pressed your lips quickly to his. “Yes. I’ll get to meet all your friends…”

”But as a waitress? Won’t that be weird?” he said.

“Would you prefer to tell everyone that NCT Dream’s Jaemin has a secret girlfriend?” you said.

Jaemin stole another kiss, lingering near you, breathing you in deeply. “Who cares about the media? Let’s tell everyone. Let’s tell them right now.”

You laughed and pushed him off. “This is best way, okay? Now go.”

Despite all your teasing, you quivered inside. It would not be easy seeing Jaemin wander around the room, dazzling everyone, and not be able to even hold his hand.

As soon as you entered the huge ballroom, your wrist straining under a plate of canapes, you tried to keep track of where Jaemin was - but you soon got distracted.

“Didn’t you hear? He’s got some bimbo hidden away in Seoul,” a man, possibly an idol, whispered.

Jeno was standing next to him. “That’s just gossip. Jaemin’s nothing like that.”

You froze at the sound of your boyfriend’s name. You hadn’t even realised they were talking about you.

“I heard she’s a normal person. Wow, there must be a line of groupies just begging to sleep with him.” the man continued.

Another man chimed in, winking, and said “I wonder what special skills got her the job.”

They all laughed.

Chenle rolled his eyes. “You guys should work for a newspaper.”

They turned to look at you, and you realised you were standing next to them, frozen.

“C- canapes?” you said, your voice hoarse. They turned away without saying anything.

You rushed away, bumping into someone as you went, desperate to get as far away from that man as possible. But it seemed like the same conversation was happening across the room. You spotted Jaemin, and moved quickly towards him.

“You have to tell us who she is!” an company executive was saying, clapping Jaemin on the back. Jaemin wore a slight smile, but you could tell from his dark cheeks that he was embarassed.

“I’m not going to tell you a thing,” Jaemin answered.

“So there is a girl!” the man said. “Look, Jaemin” he said, dangling a set of keys in his hand. “You can use my Ferrari anytime. Now what do you have to say in return?”

Jaemin shook his head. “It’s nothing like that. I… love her.”

The tray of canapes fell from your hands and bounced over the floor.

”Oh, for god’s sake!” the man said, looking at you.

You crouched down to pick them up. Jaemin bent down, too, to the amazement of the other people in the group.

Jaemin sighed. “I’m so sorry about my friends, I’ll kick them all out, I’ll get new friends!”

You placed a finger on his lips, then quickly drew it away.

“You love me?” you said quietly. “That's what you said, isn't it?”

Jaemin smiled. “Of course. I didn’t mean to pressure you, and you don’t have to say it back-”

“I love you too,” you said, and Jaemin’s mouth fell open.

You barely made it into Jaemin’s apartment before his lips were on yours, his hands racing over your back as if he couldn’t believe you were real.

“We’re never talking to those people again,” Jaemin moaned.

You smiled. “What? Don’t you like being the rockstar playboy?”

He rolled his eyes.

You couldn’t fight a laugh. “Maybe I should go, so you can move on to the next girl in your long line of groupies.”

Jaemin groaned, “Y/n-”

“Just shut up and kiss me, Mr. Bachelor,” you said, grinning.

—

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

[ningningsdream]

[8:25PM] "let's break up.", bf!jaemin told you as you two just finished the show you were watching together, "i've been having doubts for a while and i've tried to wait and see if it was just one of those moments but i don't think it's fair to keep leading you on."

"sure.", was the first thing you managed to say.

"i'm really sorry, y/n.", jaemin apologized.

you saw the tears welling up in his eyes, "it's okay, jaem. i saw it coming."

you did.

you noticed everything.

the way the excitement in his voice became faker and faker when you talked to him about your day, how the sparkles in his eyes disappeared more and more each time he looked at you - if he did at all -, how he smiled less and less when you two met up for dates, how he was less and less eager to hold your hand....everything.

"i'm sorry.", he apologized again.

jaemin was a sensitive person, he hated hurting other people's feelings, especially yours and you knew that this was as hard on him as it was on you.

you put your arms around him and brought him in a hug, "i'm fine. i'm gonna be fine. you're gonna be fine. don't worry.", you patted his head.

you took your belongings and left his apartment.

him: i'm really sorry for not being able to say more when you were in front of me but you truly made me happy all those years and were the best partner i could ever dreamt of having. you: you really made me happy too. you were a great boyfriend and an equally great best friend. i'll miss waking up to memes and pictures of luke, lucy and luna from you. him: you were my best friend too. idk what to do with all these memes and cat pics now...

as soon as you closed the door of your apartment, you broke down crying on your knees.

your head hurt. your heart hurt. your whole chest hurt.

you were crying so much you felt like throwing up.

you thought about calling someone but the only person that you wanted and that could've calmed you down was the reason your heart felt like it was being ripped out of your chest.

masterlist

[donkey-hyuck]

gn reader

—————

~ there’s something in the way you miss people.

no matter the distance, your heart will always long for the one you call home. the reminiscence of each breath jaemin has ever had within your presence stays glued to your mind. every laugh, every word, and every scent screams na jaemin in every being within you.

it’s heartbreaking, really— how much you miss na jaemin for being away. but who could blame you? no one could ever tear you apart. there’s no other being like him that could ever exist in your lifetime. he’s your everything.

but when it’s time for him to go, you hold on to everything that he’s ever had. he is your comfort. he is your person.

there’s so much confiding through a screen and although it cannot compete with being face-to-face, it works. it works just enough as you count down the days, hours, and minutes until you get to see the love of your life. the virtual kisses are, in the end, worth it.

oh, but when you finally get to see his face in person there’s no other thing that could bring you more joy than the man of your dreams.

there’s something poetic in the way you share your love.

it may sound fictional but you’re so loved in all of the right ways that life just feels euphoric.

he’s your whole. unwholly in the way that he loves you. it’s overwhelming yet brings you down to earth and grounds you. he grounds you. in the utmost beautiful way he can possibly think of.

na jaemin loves you— that much is obvious. but even he is unaware of how much he truly loves you. he says his heart is full of you, but really it’s overflowing with passion and energy.

the way you hold him, the way you console him, and the way you speak to him is forever engraved into his soul. truly, you are more than soulmates.

he is unable to formalize the right words that describe you and your relationship to each other. he’s just forever yours. he always will be.

there’s something fulfilling in the way you both live your lives.

you are your own being and na jaemin is his own. so independently beautiful and yet so powerfully connected together, you and jaemin take on the world. there’s no one else better for this position. your love for each holds emotions so maturely and meticulously handled by the golden chain that connects the pure red of your beating hearts.

both canonically infatuated with every fiber of everything that you are. there are thousands of words upon words that you both share and at the end of the day ‘i love you’ is what you need to hear the most. it’s the most important.

you can’t ever forget any moment shared between you and na jaemin because he is the most special person to every exist in your universe. in any universe.

you’re so incredibly lucky to find someone who loves you, cares for you, and is willing to be the best version of himself for you. na jaemin takes care of you in ways you can’t even comprehend.

na jaemin loves you in which words cannot describe. both as a human being and as his lover, he’ll forever pour out his gratitude for being able to grow with you.

those are the ways in which this life has chosen to gently grasp you in every way you deserve. starting with na jaemin as your guide. and you, his.

—————

hi i wanted to write something poetic and soul crushing (in a good way for once.) hopefully this is enough :)

[strrykais]

 you belong with me

idol : na jaemin // nct dream song : you belong with me - taylor swift warnings : none word count : 673

you absolutely hated the girl jaemin was talking to, you couldn’t help but compare yourself to her. her hair color, her height, even down to the clubs she joined. she was the exact opposite of you which only pissed you off even more.

jaemin and you have been neighbors and friends for so long you just developed this long time crush on him. you were just hoping that he would return that feeling back to you, so when college came around and he realized they give out free condoms he decided he wanted to date.

“stop glaring at them, it's starting to freak me out.” haechan says sitting across from you working on this assignment you two got paired on. 

“i can’t help it, how is he okay with her wearing short skirts like that but when i tried he literally called my parents.” you scoff slouching against the chair not caring about the project.

“look if i fail physics because you dont have the balls to tell him you like him, then imma kill you.” haechan reaches out, flicking your forehead.

“hey what the hell.” reaching out to return the flick, you both get interrupted by jaemin.

“hey guys, how's it going?” jaemin smiles, sliding into the chair right next to you. 

“fine.” haechan grumbles out gathering his supplies and leaving you both.

“whats his problem?” jaemin watches haechan walking out the door pissed.

shrugging your shoulders knowing damn well what haechans problem was. haechan knew you wouldn’t get any work done with jaemin in looking distance from you. now that he was touching distance, yeah you were useless..

“giselle is having a party tonight if you wanna join.” jaemin says, playing with the ends of your hair, smiling at you. “i hope to see you there. you never go out.”

“not exactly my scene, but yeah. i think i can show up or something.”

“great, ill see you there then, ill text you the address!” he gets up patting your head and walking off.

maybe this was a bad idea. you were in clothes that were too small and too tight, wearing make up that made you look like someone different. but you're gonna enjoy it tonight. reaching the kitchen you start to make yourself a drink when you hear a voice in your ear.

“well i havent seen you around camp-” jaemin begins only to stop when he realized it was you. “what the fuck are you wearing? is that makeup?” jaemin reaches out trying to touch your face. completely dodging him.

“yeah it's a party jaem, i had to get dressed up.” you shrug gulping down your drink.

jaemin scoffs in disbelief pulling off the jacket he was wearing, wrapping it around the back of your skirt. “what the fuck are yo-” you start to say only for jaemin to throw you over his shoulders leading you both up the stairs.

“jaemin put me down, people are staring.” you try to fight out his grip.

“then shut up till we get up the stairs.”

jaemin tosses you onto a bed in a vacant room, turning to lock the door.

“let me out.” you try to reach the door only for him to block your path.

“no. now tell me what this is.” he says waving a hand around your face down to your body.

“why do you care? you never seem to care when the girls you sleep with look like this.” you grumble out.

“i never slept with any of them.” jaemin says looking away from you, you see the faint blush on his cheeks.

“what?” 

“i- ugh you make it so difficult, i like you. i think i always have but i was scared you didn't like me so i tried to date other people hoping these feelings would subside. but clearly they haven't if i can't bear to have other guys see you dressed like this." jaemin huffs out raking his hand through his hair. 

you smile at his flustered state, “i like you too jaem.”

1k extravaganza

ⓒstrrykais

[thatsatricky1]

𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Idol Na Jaemin x (f) Reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Angst, addiction, no happy ending.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2,4k

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Alcohol, addiction, mentions of death.

𝐈𝐭 hadn’t meant to spiral out of control, it was just supposed to be one drink. Just something to relieve his stress when others weren’t around.

“You really need to start realising what you’re doing is not good for yourself Jaemin. At this point it's not just concerning anymore it’s out right blatant for anyone to see you’re not okay. You’ll die on this hill.

But that’s just it, you wont for the life of yourself except help, you continue to push everyone away, you’re pushing away your support system. You don’t want it anymore? Fine, just remember you dug your grave, now lay in it.”

That was the last conversation he’d had with her, her last words with him. When it happened he wasn’t even in his right mind to process Y/n’s words, then again he hadn’t been in months. The irony of her words would come back to haunt him daily.

Na Jaemin was an idol, and being an idol was no easy feat. It was a constant struggle with many hardships he endured for the fact he loved what he did at the end of the day. He loved performing, it was what he thought he was meant to do in life.

But artists needed something to grasp an anchor themselves down with. Many sought this with their group members, with lovers, with music itself. Na Jaemin had thought Y/n was his anchor from the start. He’d known you before being a trainee, before debuting, before becoming an idol. She was his constant.

Though at the end of the day she couldn’t always be on wait and call for him, she had her own life she needed to live as well. And god was he happy that she pursued her dream of becoming a doctor like he’d done with becoming an idol. But lovers with both very time consuming and hard jobs was something that came with a lot of limitations.

Jaemin didn’t start drinking with the intention of it becoming a problem, of course no one does. But it did become a problem. Affecting every area of his life. Alcohol was a poison and it had unknowingly poisoned so many important things in his life. And of course it had been her who would see the signs long before anyone else.

It was just an innocent way of relieving stress at first, when no one was around, when his members, his closest friends were on schedule and when you were at work no doubt having to do another shift to flu season or lack of employees. He just wanted to explore the wonderful tastes and differences alcohol had to offer.

To Jaemin he had decided one drink wouldn’t be bad to relieve stress.

Before long he craved that deliciously addictive burning feeling that would run down his throat, as fast as he could. Going from mixed drinks and beers to drinking them with straws to get that tantalising floating through his body faster to plain out downing hard liquor.

It was obvious he had a genuine problem, especially when his members told him to slow down, to maybe skip the bottle of whiskey for a night. Did he listen? Of course not, why would he when they didn’t truly understand just how amazing alcohol could be. No one got it like he did.

It affected his work life, somehow he learned and trained his body to be able to continue with practice, to perform as if he wasn’t seeing double, to get that pesky lisp to disappear while talking to a camera. But that didn’t mean behind the scenes he was, no he embraced the feeling that was being drunk.

Most mornings he wouldn’t even remember what he’d done the day before. He’d performed on stage for their new comeback? All he did was check to make sure his hair had looked good before getting up to make a nice warm cup of tea with a shot of whiskey to help sooth his early start to the morning.

Then came the cancellations. The boys wanted to do something outside of scheduled work? Was it a private bar? No? Then he’d pass, claiming he was busy with Y/n when in fact he’d be drowning in his own addiction while she was off at work on a late shift.

Y/n and he had dates? Important anniversaries? Some alone time? No he’d cancel last minute claiming overtime at work, that the boys wanted to go out and do something fun or one time he’d even excused it as him just simply not being in the mood, it had been their fourth year anniversary that day not that he remembered when he was too busy thinking of how long the liquor store would be open on a Monday night.

It came to a point he couldn’t just hide it, his performances sloppy, his lisp on full display that’s when the company made him go on hiatus with some short worded twitter and website posts about Jaemin needing recovery time for overworking.

But that didn’t matter. It meant he finally had time to just fully relax, what could be better than a cool glass of beer and his favourite girl by his side? But he realised she was often at work so he had to busy himself at home doing something, which always ended in drinking. Ending in her coming home to a messy house, having to drag Jaemin to bed once cleaned up before straightening the apartment out and finally getting the limited amount of sleep she needed herself.

It was too much, she couldn’t watch him waste away like that. Not because she herself was a doctor which was a small factor in it but because he was her lover, her one and only. She’d seen enough alcohol addictions turn south in her ward, she dreaded and feared for the day she’d be working and see Jaemin being rolled in.

She tried her hardest to get through to him, tried every route possible but it was like talking to a brick wall, A brick wall that swayed and fumbled. Jaemin not giving in to everyone’s pleas, including hers. Not noticing how much it was affecting the ones he loved most just as much as it affected him in the long run.

Being put on hiatus hadn’t been his wake up call, his band members and closet friends hadn’t been his wake up call and internally even he thought Y/n would not be enough for a wake up call. But he’d soon get slapped by reality, a stinging feeling that felt quite horrible in contrast to the sting of tequila.

Y/n was his constant. Forever and always is what he’d ingrained into himself. Until it wasn’t. Your last conversation being held in your shared space, Jaemin struggling to sit upright against the plush sofa with a red stained cushion next to him where he’d lost motor function of his hand he’d been drinking a dry Merlot from.

This wasn’t the first time she’d broken down on him about his addiction and he thought nothing of it. In a few minutes once she’d cooled off, Y/n would be back to take care of him and send him off to bed holding him tightly against her frame while they drifted off to sleep.

Instead he’d woken up the next day face pressed against the now dry stained cushion, a stain he’d never get out. Alone in the apartment with Lucy begging for breakfast. Luna and Luca, both still fast deep asleep. No sign of his girlfriend around. He’d brushed it off, maybe she’d taken up an early shift to less employees again, it was flu season after all.

Y/n didn’t come home that day, nor the next following few days, and in his drunken state he’d managed to slink back to the dormitory to question his friends. The ones who’d expected his visit, the ones who broke the news.

His slurred questions only met with an obvious reality he hadn’t even let become an option in his mind. She had left him. His girl from start to now, was gone. That wasn’t right, it couldn’t be. It was supposed to be from start to finish with them retired and living a quiet life at the end.

At first his response was to only get worse, to drown it all out. The guilt, the heartache, the obvious fact the alcohol he was using to drive those feelings out was the very reason he’d driven her out of his life.

He isn’t quite sure when he finally accepted reality but it came in the form of breaking down in front of his friends, tears soaking into Jeno’s jumper as Renjun had a plastic bowl on hand worried the drunken man would vomit with how hard he was crying, the liquor coursing through his veins no help as he dry heaved.

The company continued to disguise Jaemin’s lack of appearances and hiatus in the form of recovering his body from overworking. When in fact he was stuck in rehab. Finally facing the painful addiction he’d tried so hard to pretend didn’t exist, that it hadn’t been a problem.

It had taken so long and even then it was just the first week that was hell for him, it had taken months for him to adjust to a liquor free lifestyle, to stay sober. But in that time he learned and tried his best to reconnect with his band members, they were his best friends, they were his brothers. Being successful in that area even if it had taken a lot of effort on both their sides.

His main motivation was set in four factors; His family, his second family which was his members, his love for his job and Y/n.

It got him through the worst parts of rehab, never realasping like he’d dreaded would happen. He pushed himself to be better. His members visiting helped most. He understood and respected them when they would talk about her when he asked. Y/n was just as much a friend to them, they’d known her for years through Jaemin.

In reality the boys feared Jaemin relapsing if he knew. The news surely would break all progress he’d made. And when Jaemin finally left the rehab centre they’d managed to stay clear of her as a topic.

He’d been welcomed warmly back to work by his fans, unbeknownst to them their kind words meant so much to him considering the difficult hardship he was still living with. He missed his kittens, which had been well taken care of by the boys in his absence but he missed her too, of course he did when she had been his constant. Coming back to an empty apartment had been hard, but it was something he had to accept.

Jaemin had been so confused on getting back on track he’d missed all the signs yet again. This time for something else, something that would never fully click in his head. And the way he found out was truly bittersweet as it was heartbreaking.

Seeing her mother was like a flood of emotions, seeing Y/n’s mother would welcome him with tight hugs and cute self made gifts every Christmas. She’d been at the markets, no doubt bargaining for something. He didn’t mean to but he couldn’t help but go over to her.

Jaemin craved answers even if he wasn’t particularly deserving of them. Where was she? Did she still work at the same hospital? Had she gone through with going back to study further? Has she moved on? But most importantly how was she doing?

He wasn’t ready to see her mother turn to look at him first with plain distaste and what he could only assume was a mothers fury. But it dimmed down only pity lingering in those familiar eyes, her eye colour being given down to Y/n.

The moment the words had left her lips, it was like Jaemin’s entire world had spun around leaving him dangling helplessly just like before he’d been finally shoved into rehab. He didn’t care that he was a public figure in that moment when he’d broken down on the street, even her mothers soothing words and motherly hug couldn’t fight away his despair.

He had been tempted more than ever after that to down anything with a high enough percentage of alcohol to make him forget that day, yet he refrained from doing it. Y/n would have been so disappointed in him if he had when he’d come so far.

Even when he sat on the cold still wet grass months later he hadn't taken even as much as a sip, keeping to his sobriety. Much to everyone’s surprise. Though he did have an alcohol beverage in his hand at that moment, thumb digging repetitively in the cap.

“If it wasn’t for this, I would have had more time with you.” He couldn’t even manage to utter the sentence above a whisper, his words muted by the wind brushing through the trees.

“Maybe it would have never happened, instead that day we would have been doing something like having some stupid movie in the background, cuddled up on our sofa with the kittens fighting for a place on our laps like they used to.”

His eyes finally looked ahead instead of being stuck on the liquor bottle. Eyes tracing over words he knew by heart now.

“We were supposed to be a constant in one another’s lives, I thought at first you slipped away but I realise now it was me who left you first, and i regret it everyday.”

Jaemin hated it, she’d been his past and supposed to be his future too. So many things they’d wanted in future, that he’d wanted. He’d never see her dressed in white walking towards him to seal it with two meaningful metal bands wrapped around their fingers, never see a soft glow on your face with a swollen tummy and constant cravings, never get to have children with her that would look just like them, never grow old with her.

Getting up was always the hard part, leaving her everyday only to return the very next day. Though as usual he did, standing up and tossing yet another unopened bottle of liquor into the trash, eyes lingering on her one more time before eventually walking down the gravel path.

When he left rehab he’d imagined meeting her again, starting new. That wasn’t possible anymore, not when she’d passed away right in the middle of his rehab stay. Instead the only time he’d be able to visit her was staring at that stone. He hadn’t even been able to be present for her funeral.

All because he’d decided one drink wouldn’t be bad to relieve stress.

•

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @rotinyzen @wonyoungmywife @snflwrhaerecs4u @thegreenlynx @serinebsblog @delululi @molensworld @morkiee @marvelahsobx @kaciebello @kgneptun @bluedbliss @haechansbbg @officiallyjaehyuns @bunnychui @audreybub

(This Taglist is used for all my nct context so if you’d like to be tagged in my nct content please comment or write to me to be added)

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Okay so I found this oneshot I wrote ages ago in my docs and it’s like 3am now so I thought why not just post it. It’s probably got a few spelling mistakes here and there but I can fix those up later.

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭:

⤻ Tap

[neowinestainedress]

GLIMPSE OF US ― SERIES

— One day you think you have everything under control, a job, the love of your life, your passions, and your friends, then one day you realize that not everything that shines it’s gold. Fresh out of college and pushed harshly into the real world trying to survive, it’s not easy to deal with life. And between ups and downs, it gets even hard to get a glimpse of the people we know best and love the most. But life’s unpredictable, and after all, it’s a journey made to make new connections and truly discover yourself, and realize that time changes people but that doesn’t mean you have to let them go. Everything will find the place where it belongs.

PAIRINGS: haechan x oc, jaemin x oc, haechan x ex girlfriend!oc, jaemin x haechan's ex girlfriend!oc

GENRE: childhood best friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, exes to lovers, lovers to exes, non-idol au, love triangle (but not really, is more complicated than that), fluff, angst, smut | requested (be careful reading these asks [n2 and n3] bc a lot of things were discussed and might be spoilers!!!)

STATUS: 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐃

PLAYLIST: glimpse of us

MOODBOARDS: the characters | the relationships (will be out when the series is done to avoid spoilers) | pinterest board (the couples' sections contain spoilers)

TAGLIST: comment to be added | general taglist: @froggyforyoongi, @wingsss45, @tddyhyck

CHAPTER ONE ― GENRE: fluff ― SUMMARY: after a year of drying tears, and three of dating, haechan’s ex-girlfriend comes back in their life and hyejin’s biggest fears start growing again. But everything is fine because hyejin and haechan fit right into each other palm. ― WARNINGS: none ― WC: 4k

CHAPTER TWO ― GENRE: fluff, smut ― SUMMARY: jaemin arrives in korea, and he and hyejin immediately get along. But while he tries to settle in, new doubts creep into his mind, keeping him hooked on her relationship with haechan more than he should. ― WARNINGS: smut, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex ― WC: +5k

CHAPTER THREE ― GENRE: fluff, slight angst ― SUMMARY: feelings that shouldn’t exist surface after jaemin proposes to do something with hyejin after haechan declined, and things start to get complicated. ― WARNINGS: none ― WC: +5k

CHAPTER FOUR ― GENRE: fluff, slight angst ― SUMMARY: heartfelt conversations are shared, and hyejin can only push her fears away for so long before they jump back at her, making her question if the choices made until now are the right ones. The problem is the new choices might lead down a treacherous path. ― WARNINGS: verbal fight ― WC: +5k

CHAPTER FIVE ― GENRE: fluff, slight angst ― SUMMARY: it’s time to face reality, no matter how painful it is, but hyejin is not sure she is ready for it. ― WARNINGS: none ― WC: 4k

CHAPTER SIX ― GENRE: angst, smut, fluff ― SUMMARY: everything falls apart and putting back the pieces to start brand new is harder than expected. but it’s time to move on and address feelings that have been hiding for too long, but most importantly, try to not mess up another time. ― WARNINGS: angst, smut, alcohol consumption, fing*ring, sq*irting, unprotected s*x, dirty talk, oral s*x, switchy/subby hyuck (no dom/sub dynamics tho), hair pulling, kinda hate s*x (there are unresolved feelings coming out), fingers sucking, handj*b ― WC: +19k

CHAPTER SEVEN ― GENRE: smut, fluff, light angst ― SUMMARY: eventually, everything finds the place where it belongs. ― WARNINGS: smut, public s*x, fingering, h*ndjob, unprotected s*x, oral s*x (f receiving) ― WC: +13k

BONUS

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[lovesuhng]

honestly

w.c: 1.2k angst, tem uma traição, jaemin é um idiota, mas se arrepende

Dois anos

Dois longos anos

Esse era o tempo que você e Jaemin estavam sem se ver. 

Que o relacionamento  tinha chegado ao fim.

Que Jaemin sentia a sua falta. Sim, ele sentia. O peito chegava a doer de tanta saudade, doía mais ainda porque Jaemin sabia que a culpa era dele.

Lembrava perfeitamente de todas as vezes que você ia na casa dele, recebê-lo depois de um dia longo de trabalho, toda carinhosa, pronta para dar um abraço e um beijo e ele dizia: “Hoje não, tô muito cansado.”

Você percebia ele distante, fazia de tudo para achar que era coisa da sua cabeça, da sua insegurança. Mesmo com todos os foras que ele te dava, você estava lá, sorrindo, esperando por ele, deixando de viver para si mesma e vivendo por ele.

Até que um dia, seu castelo, onde Jaemin era o mais supremo rei, desmoronou.

Era um dia de sexta, tinha planejado fazer um jantar para Jaemin no apartamento dele. Passou horas preparando tudo, comprando um dos melhores vinhos e até escolhendo uma roupa que tinha certeza que Jaemin iria gostar. 

Mas, seus planos mudaram por conta de duas mensagens. 

A primeira, era de Jaemin, dizendo que iria demorar um pouco para chegar por conta de um imprevisto do trabalho.

E a segunda, era de um número desconhecido. Tinha um pequeno texto dizendo que você precisava saber toda a verdade, por mais dolorosa que fosse. Em seguida, tinha um vídeo. Era possível ver claramente Jaemin em um restaurante e junto dele uma mulher que você tinha identificado como uma colega de trabalho dele. Os dois estavam bem próximos, trocavam carícias até que deram um beijo apaixonado. Um beijo que há muito tempo Jaemin não lhe dava.

Você ficou com raiva. Mas não de Jaemin, e sim de você mesma. Raiva por ter sido tão cega, afinal, Jaemin estava dando todos os sinais que estava se afastando e você deveria ter feito o mesmo, antes de acabar nessa situação. Saiu do apartamento apenas deixando um bilhete escrito “aproveite o jantar”, o que deixou Jaemin confuso quando chegou no apartamento e viu tudo.

No outro dia, você voltou ao apartamento do homem, que estranhou quando você não o comprimentou calorosamente como antes. Ele percebeu o quanto você estava abatida, como se tivesse chorado a noite inteira, o que de fato aconteceu. Ele deu mais desculpa que estava ocupado.

“Não se preocupe, Jaemin, o que eu tenho pra te dizer é rápido, não vou tomar muito do seu precioso tempo.” Ele estava te achando ainda mais estranha, mas resolveu deixar você continuar. “Eu recebi uma proposta de emprego na Itália e aceitei. Semana que vem vou me mudar.”

Levou o tempo para Jaemin processar tudo o que você estava falando. Queria te dar parabéns, mas tudo que conseguiu falar foi: “e nós dois?”

Você deu uma risadinha sem graça como uma forma de mostrar sua indignação, sem acreditar no que estava escutando.

“Jaemin, há muito tempo que não existe mais um ‘nós dois’. Você está sempre distante, cansado, não tem mais tempo para nós.”

“Mas eu realmente estou ocupado…”

“Só não está ocupado para a sua coleguinha.” Não queria mostrar que estava com raiva, mas não conseguiu se controlar com tamanha cara de pau do companheiro. Jaemin abriu e fechou a boca várias vezes, mas não conseguia nem se defender. Sabia que estava errado. Com o tom de voz mais calmo, você falou o que seriam suas últimas palavras para ele. “Já vivi muito para você, Jaemin, mas agora, tenho que viver mais para mim. Adeus.”

Desde esse dia, Jaemin tinha se dado conta que você era um pedaço dele. Todos os dias se martirizava por ter te perdido. 

Ele tentou falar com você algumas vezes, mas foi ignorado em todas elas. Terminou o casinho que tinha com sua colega de trabalho, passava noites bebendo e chorando no ombro de um dos seus amigos, que eram seus também, mas, em respeito ao seu pedido, não davam notícias suas a ele. 

Era visível a diferença de Jaemin antes e depois de você ter passado na vida dele.

Ele não tinha te superado. Pensava em você sempre. Te via em todos os lugares. Por isso achou que era uma miragem quando te viu na festa que Jeno estava dando na casa dele. 

Estava�� diferente. Estava confiante, mais alegre, irradiava um brilho que há muito tempo Jaemin não via em você, até mesmo quando estavam juntos. Mas continuava linda, a mesma mulher por quem tinha se apaixonado. E também feito sofrer. 

Você percebeu que tinha alguém te olhando profundamente, se surpreendeu ao ver que era Jaemin e ficou ainda mais surpresa quando viu como ele estava. Não tinha a mesma alegria de antes, o brilho que você sempre via nele não estava mais lá, as olheiras embaixo dos olhos indicavam que há noites ele não dormia. Continuava lindo, mas não tinha a mesma magia de antes.

Depois de um tempo interagindo com as pessoas que há muito tempo você não via, decidiu ir para a varanda, tomar um pouco de ar.

“É tão bom te ver depois de tanto tempo” Mesmo sentindo uma presença perto de você, tomou um leve susto quando a voz grave de Jaemin adentrou os seus ouvidos. Se virou para olhá-lo, ele tinha um sorriso no rosto.

“Digo o mesmo.” Você estava sendo sincera, afinal, antes de ser seu namorado, ele foi um grande amigo.

Jaemin deu uns passos, ficando ao seu lado. Ambos voltaram o olhar para a vista da cidade.

“Quando chegou?”

“Tem alguns dias. Dessa vez voltei para ficar.”

Um sorriso esperançoso surgiu nos lábios de Jaemin, assim como um brilho em seu olhar.

“Esse tempo fora fez bem para você. Você está…” 

“diferente?” Completou vendo que Jaemin tinha se perdido nas palavras.

“Isso.” As mãos no bolso da calça mostravam como Jaemin estava nervoso por falar com você naquele momento. “Olha…” Se virou para você fazendo com que você também direcionasse sua atenção a ele. “Senti tanto a sua falta.”

“Jaemin, é..”

“Deixa eu terminar, por favor. Eu fui um idiota por ter te tratado daquele jeito. Nunca me perdoo por ter te machucado, por ter te perdido, por ter feito a pessoa que mais amei sofrer. Infelizmente, precisei te perder para entender o quanto você era uma parte essencial da minha vida. Sei que você deve me odiar, mas ainda continuo te amando e acho que vai ser difícil mudar o que sinto.”

Via que Jaemin estava sendo verdadeiro, os olhos marejados eram a prova disso. Se aproximou um pouco de Jaemin e fez um carinho na bochecha dele. O mesmo fechou os olhos, deixando uma lágrima cair, você rapidamente fez questão de limpá-la.

“Jaemin, eu nunca seria capaz de te odiar.” Uma luz de esperança acendeu no coração do homem, mas foi apagada rapidamente quando você continuou. “Mas, não importa o quanto eu tente, meu coração não bate por você da mesma intensidade de antes. Sei que você tentou falar comigo através dos nossos amigos, mas eu precisava desse tempo. Precisava me descobrir. Finalmente fiquei livre, que agora não vivo mais em função de ninguém.” Respirou fundo, dando um pequeno tempo para Jaemin processar o que você estava falando. “Jaemin, você foi uma parte importante da minha vida,mas no momento tudo que eu preciso sou eu. Espero que você entenda isso e consiga finalmente seguir em frente. Não vou te dar esperanças, porém ninguém sabe o que pode acontecer no futuro. Mas fique sabendo que quero te ver feliz.”

Você saiu dali, deixando um Jaemin abalado, pois a única coisa que o poderia deixar feliz era você nos braços dele.

[liliansun]

summary : he was cute, he knew how to poke at her soft spots and he knew what to say to make her laugh, but mal wasn’t like any other girl. she knew his type and she knew they’d never get past messing around in the night and forgetting about it during the day. so why is he always on her mind, even after he left? guess that last kiss he gave left more of an impact on her then he thought it did.

college kids : nct dream members, my friends are the inspiration for the female profiles (joy, loki, niwa and esa)

started : 10 | 11 | 23 finished : 11 | 25 | 23

warnings : mostly posted by chapter, language, mentions of alcohol, college au, fluff, angst, friends to lovers, anything else will be added accordingly

taglist : @dinonuguaegi @shwizhies @jaylaxies @dearlyminhyung @minkyuncutie @cutesince2000 @haechansbbg @i6renj @luv4jeno @softieluvsyou @haechology @nanawrlds @tywritesstuff

every chapter will mostly be written in mal’s pov unless it’s obvious into another otherwise

🎧 : part of the speak now (polaroid version) playlist

please send in an ask or comment to be added

00 : [ deranged and delusional ] : [ struggling college kids ]

01 : tony the tiger

02 : playing match maker

03 : could’ve gone worse

04 : ITS NOT GONNA WORK

05 : trust fund child??

06 : best friends ever

07 : i’m not jealous

08 : ✨girl dinner✨

09 : hypothetically ofc

10 : what do you want

11 : baby i’m just here

12 : would that be a problem? (0.5k)

13 : it all hits diff

14 : breedable and submissive

15 : joy? life360

16 : ROAD TRIP 🥳

17 : bark for me

18 : pick up the pieces (0.9k)

19 : see you around

20 : middle man

21 : ITS A SOULMATE THINGGG

22 : THERAPY SESSION 📣

23 : go get your man

24 : can we talk here yet?

25 : my answer for you (1k)

26 : this wasn’t about me

27 : my boy my boy my boy

28 : excited for summer [ final ]

[lvfrstar]

End & Beginning (Na Jaemin)

“… let this ending of ours be the bloom of your beginning.”

pairing: jaemin x f!reader

genre: angst, best friends to strangers

summary: in which you and jaemin has been best friends for years, until one random day he decided to distance himself. a month later, he published something you never thought you’d witness.

warning: -

wc: 1.7k

You’re passing notes with Jaemin, not focusing at all on what Mr Lee is saying. It’s no shock, considering you both hated sociology class. ‘Wanna play badminton later?’ you smiled when you read the note, and you wrote back, ‘sure, a badminton date sounds nice ><’ you hesitated to pass it back to him, too afraid that he’d thought you were weird thinking it’s a date when it’s just playing badminton with a friend. Yes, best friends. You had been dropping subtle hints that you liked him for two years now, yet Jaemin has always been so oblivious. The moment you almost passed the note, Mr Lee spoke, “Jaemin. Y/n. What are you guys doing passing notes in my class?” Jaemin just grinned and replied, “It’s a love letter. Want me to read it to the whole class, sir?” Your face has been red thinking about how you’ll spend your time with Jaemin, and now it’s even redder when he says it’s a love letter. “Out from my class. Bring your books too,” you’re supposed to be mad, getting punished for something that is not true. Yet here you are, smiling, and the whole hour you’re standing outside with Jaemin, both of you playfully nudged each other to the point giggles are heard and Mr Lee had to create a ‘barrier’ for both of you.

It has always been this way. He’s your everything. And he would always remind you that he feels the same. The problem is, that the line between being friends and lovers is always blurry. He’ll come as fast as he can to your house with your favorite snacks just because you called him while crying? As a friend. He kisses your forehead and both of your cheeks when he is leaving your house? In a friendly way. Both of you cuddling so lovingly while deciding whether to watch a movie or just talk? That’s what best friends do. He calls you baby? Well, he loves babying you, so that makes you his baby. He ditched the girls who asked him out just because “they can’t compare to you, why can’t they just be more like you”? Yes, totally what a guy who doesn’t have feelings for his best friend would do and say! You liked him long before these blurry lines existed. You decided that twelve years was more than enough to confirm what you feel for him, and you know for sure that you want him forever, not just as best friends, but as your husband. Your future. You once asked him if he thought about if you would randomly end up together, hoping that he’d catch the point in you asking. He just teased you back saying, “What? You’ve been thinking about that lately?” Of course, you couldn’t answer, he’s indirectly saying he never thought of it, right?

Two months passed, yet both of you are still best friends. Just best friends. One week, and then you’ll graduate. You became anxious to think that this might be your last chance. Yes, you’ll still be friends, both of you applied to the same university; yet you want a fresh beginning with him, this time, as his lover. You were thinking about how to confess when he texted you.

While you were waiting for his drink, he texted you with a simple “Y/n, don’t come over. I’m not in the mood to watch movies. I think I need some space,” and to say you're shocked was an understatement, considering how he was so excited and this never happened before. You tried calling him twice but decided to stop when he kept rejecting your call. Why was he asking for space? It never existed between both of you. Holding his iced green tea, you decided to drop it off in front of his house, hoping that he’d feel better from whatever he was feeling. You texted him informing him that you left the drink and were already walking away so he wouldn’t bump into you. And he didn’t reply.

Since the day he asked for space, he no longer talks to you, never replies to any of your texts, and the worst part is he acted like you both are strangers who never knew each other at all. It’s as if you were invisible. You on the other hand are desperate to get him to talk again, almost going crazy because you missed him and how you guys were. This went by for three weeks, until you decided enough is enough. So you go to his house, and it’s so foreign for you to ring his doorbell and wait for him to open. You’d never have to do that since you both have no secrets. You both know the passwords of each other's phones, houses, and even social media. The moment the door opened, he asked, “What are you doing here?” you sighed and just stared at the floor. When he almost shut the door, that’s when you said, “I miss you. What happened? What is it that made us this way?” he laughed sinisterly, “You just miss someone always being there for you. Find someone else. Oh, and don’t bother being afraid to ruin us, you already did,” wanting to ask for explanations, he slammed the door not leaving any space for discussion. You’re standing there, confused. And you know this will be the only thing you can think about until you get an answer.

It’s been a month since the coffee shop incident. Meaning it’s been a week since he said you ruined the friendship. You’re scrolling through your old conversation with Jaemin, mainly because you miss him and you’re hoping you could find where it went wrong. A notification pops up.

[na.jaemin0813 uploaded a post!]

You could not be angry even if you wanted to; all you felt was sadness. Everything—the teasing, holding, kissing, gesturing, and so on. It means everything to you, but nothing to him. You decided to wear just a hoodie, but what slipped your mind was that it was your matching hoodie with him that he gave you for your birthday. You went to the coffee shop that used to be your and Jaemin's go-to spot for dessert and a drink. Your eyes automatically saw a cup of americano and an iced green tea. When he pushed the cup toward you and said, "Your favorite," you badly wanted to splash him in the face. Taking deep breaths, you can feel tears threatening to spill, "Why did you do this to me? I guess twelve years means nothing to you.” He stared right into your eyes before saying “Y/n, you meant a lot to me. You’re my priority. If I had to choose between you or anybody else, you’d always be the one I’d choose. I wanted to make us official. I thought you felt the same way over the years. I can’t be with someone who just enjoys my company without wanting to commit to me,” you’re becoming more confused. Noticing your expression, he continues, “I heard your conversation with Yena. I’m sorry. I came as a surprise, I wanted to pick you up, then I heard what you said.” Your eyebrows furrowed, “Jaemin, if you really heard what I said, why would you go and find someone else?” now he’s the one confused. You asked him to tell you about what happened.

“Have you thought about telling him?” Yena was your desk mate, that was before Jaemin practically begged to change desks. “What? To Jaemin? No! What if I ruin our friendship? Ruin us? I don’t want him to freak out.” “You should at least try. He would understand. I’m sure about that,” you sighed, considering what Yena said. “This is not easy. I don’t want us to be awkward. I enjoy his presence. I don’t want to lose him as my best friend.” That’s it. Jaemin couldn’t bear to listen any longer. You have a crush on someone and see him as a platonic friend. He storms out and texted you afterward.

“You’re so stupid, Jaemin. You didn’t even listen to the whole thing. You skipped the important parts. I told Yena I liked you since our second year being friends. Yena was just helping me with how to talk to you before graduation. What I meant by I’m afraid of losing you as a friend is… I’m afraid you’ll reject me. Then we’ll stop being friends. My point is, I’ll bottle my feelings so I can stay with you for a long time without messing up. Yet here we are,” Jaemin’s eyes were watery. “Can we still.. I don’t know, fix this? I mean, am I too late? Are we like, done? No wait, because I truly don’t.. My new girlfriend isn’t.. I don’t want to lose you,” his words don’t make any sense, but you can understand the desperation in him. Jaemin has always been like this. Whenever he tries to cheer or comfort you, he always blabbers nonsense because he’s desperate to make you feel better. Sometimes he’d blabber until you giggled because of how cute and funny he was. “Jaemin, you can’t do that. You’re with someone right now. I’m happy if you’re happy. I feel grateful that I got closure about why you acted that way. Would’ve been painful for me to lose my once best friend without knowing what went wrong,” you smiled as wide as you could, but both Jaemin and you knew it was fake.

“Y/n, I want you. Please,” hearing Jaemin say that made you speechless, so you just stared at the americano he bought you. When you finally made eye contact with him, you slowly stood up. “You can’t leave someone just to be with someone else. I know you’re not that kind of person. We just needed closure, Jaemin. This is our last chapter. Let’s close our book together. I pray that your new beginning will be filled with happiness, comfort, and warmth. Let this ending of ours be the bloom of your beginning,” and you walked away, with the hope that this closure would heal your heart of losing your ‘almost’.

[jaemskitty]

maridos e esposas — Na Jaemin

gênero: angst

wc: jaemin!dilf (pasmem) | cotidiano de um casamento falido | tristeza e mais tristeza | dependência emocional (?) | infidelidade | age gap | nudez | sem final feliz | menção a bebida alcoólica | jaemin loiro, porque ele é o momento | isso é uma base, pode haver mais coisas.

n/a: estou devastada, boa leitura! perdão aos possíveis erros.

Sexta à noite nunca foi tão fria, nem mesmo as de invernos rigorosos. Já era inverno? Não sabia, pois perdera a noção de tempo e espaço.

Entretanto achava que já era inverno no coração daquele homem. Aquele homem cujo há três anos portava o sobrenome, aquele cujo a aliança brilhava no anelar, mas de nada parecia servir. Era ouro puro, mas já não tinha valor nenhum. É, o inverno havia chegado no coração de Na Jaemin, seu esposo.

Mordeu o lábio tremulo de frio e fixou os olhos nos profundos do homem a sua frente e tentou ser a garota mais forte desse mundo, mas não conseguia com aquele cheiro sob seu nariz; um perfume feminino que não era o seu.

Talvez não deveria ter deixado chegar naquele ponto, mas você o amava demais. Demais. Tanto. Incondicionalmente. Sempre amou, é por isso que enfrentava aquele inverno mais do que lhe era saudável.

Dentro daquela banheira enorme seu corpo nu perdia-se no vazio e frieza da agua esbranquiçada. Sozinha. Jaemin estava do lado de fora da banheira, sentado ao lado, centímetros de distância um do outro.

— Se sente bem? — indagou com um nó dolorido na garganta, tombando a cabeça devagarzinho e dramaticamente na borda da banheira, levando o dedo indicador molhado até a aliança reluzente de Jaemin, brincando infantilmente.

O loiro mais velho engoliu e franziu as sobrancelhas em questionamento, pois nao entendia sua linguagem, seu silencio feminino. E isso era um dos agravantes, talvez ele não saber ler nenhum de seus sinais tenha os levado até esse frio desconcertante.

Que se dane, de qualquer forma. Seu peito doía colossalmente, mas estava sendo tão forte.

— Do quê tá falando, minha menina? — O cheiro do álcool era nítido, e por mais que fosse cansativamente recorrente sempre te incomodava como das primeiras vezes. Jaemin não chegava caindo de bebado, mas dificilmente estava sóbrio.

Fungou ainda encolhida, com a bochechinha descansando ali naquela louça cara. A casa que Jaemin lhe prometeu por anos e ao casarem-se ele cumpriu cada uma de suas promessas.

— Quero saber se o que você tem feito te deixa bem, Jaemin. — Por enquanto estava firme, mas não sabia até quando, até qual momento. Olhar para Jaemin naquela altura do campeonato parecia cortar seu pobre coraçãozinho, mas o fez, o fez pois queria saber se terminava assim. Se era real que seu maior sonho, ser esposa daquele homem, iria descolorir assim.

Os olhos encheram-se d'agua e, para sua surpresa, vira dor nos olhos do Na, arrependimento talvez. Sorriu dolorida deixando uma lágrima quente, grossa e ácida escorrer de seus lindos olhos, molhando toda sua bochecha vermelha do frio. A mesma delicada mão que tocava a aliança do Na ergueu-se até o rosto do mesmo, e tocar nele agora parecia como da primeira vez de tanto tempo que fazia.

— Onde errei, meu querido? — Sussurrou acariciando a bochecha do loiro, o vendo cada vez mais expressivo. Jaemin negava lentamente, os olhos os quais você perdidamente apaixonou-se agora avermelhados devido ao leve teor alcoólico e lágrimas. Lágrimas? Parecia uma piada. — Valeu a pena? — Cada palavra sua sequenciava uma lágrima e sua cabeça doía tanto.

— Minha m-menina...e-eu sinto muito. — Foi tudo o que ele conseguiu dizer, sentindo seu toque adocicado, sentindo o perfume doce do mesmo sabonete de baunilha que você usou na noite nupcial.

A noite que Jaemin te fez dele, quando ele arrancou de ti qualquer resquício de inocência. Sempre seria especial, sempre lembraria de como se sentiu amada por aquele homem que te roubava os batimentos cardíacos mais acelerados. Apesar dos pesares sempre seria louca por ele, e era isso que mais te machucava muito provavelmente.

Não conseguia odiá-lo.

Riu-se em meio ��s lágrimas e impulsionou o corpo um pouquinho a frente, o suficiente para ficar rente ao maior, deixando um suave beijo no nariz bonito do Na.

— Você não sente nada, querido...Tá' tudo bem, hm? — Sempre amena, aquela delicada voz que conquistou Jaemin, mas não foi o suficiente para mantê-lo por perto.

Jaemin chorou. Um soluço masculino foi bem capitado por seus ouvidos quando caiu na água outra vez, exausta e exposta. De que importava? Eram dois estranhos, mas dois estranhos conhecidos.

— Eu...e-eu...— Nada saía dele, somente barulhos e lágrimas.

Sorriu ao ver que um homem de quase quarenta anos ainda parecia um garoto quando exposto a situações de fraqueza. Ele era tudo o que vocês tinham.

Vocês.

A mãozinha desceu até seu ventre, um tanto quanto inchado, mas só você notou aquilo, até porque somente você via seu corpo ultimamente. E então foi tomada por soluços fortes, abrasivos e dolorosos.

Como chegaram nesse estado?

Jaemin parecia paralisado em meio as lágrimas te vendo tocar ali. Incógnito agarrou a beirada da banheira com força e ansiedade, olhando e buscando respostas, mas desesperado com o seu pranto.

— E-eu estou grávida, querido...— fungou — esse era o nosso sonho há um ano atrás, lembra? — O desespero era nítido, pois cansou de ser forte. Talvez ainda fosse uma garotinha. — S-sinto que vai ser Luna...— Tocava ali como uma verdadeira mãe. Nua e totalmente reduzida aquele homem, como vem sendo. — Minha Luna. — Sussurrou.

Jaemin limpou o rosto nervoso e buscou contato, mas você encolheu-se inteira na banheira, o mirando, tirando os cabelos longos molhados de frente ao rosto vermelho. Aquilo disse tudo a Jaemin.

Era muito, muito tarde.

Sua respiração ofegante normalizou aos poucos, a medida que rastejou até a borda outra vez, olhando o Na de perto outra vez. Sem tocar no homem em sua frente, segurando-se na beirada, tomou impulso para outra vez estar rente aquele rosto bonito.

— Ia te dar hoje essa notícia, e...E-eu estava tão nervosa...— Sorriu amarga contra os lábios de Jaemin e o beijou, sugando o inferior dentro da propria boquinha. — Obrigada por t-tornar isso mais fácil, querido.

Ele então pela primeira vez soube que estava perdido.

— _____...

— Shhhhh....— Repousou a mão enfeitada com a aliança delicada contra a boca do mesmo. — É m-muito tarde...Nós v-vamos ficar bem...Você vai ficar bem. — Ainda sussurrando fechou os olhinhos, cheia de dores e amarguras, beijou a testa de Jaemin.

E essa foi a deixa. Foi a ultima vez que estiveram tão próximos do que um dia fora intimidade.

[hirokari]

rain-sitting.

p: na jaemin x gn!reader | wc: 2.7k | g: high school!au, best friends to enemies to more, slight angst, fluff, high school academic rivals | cw: explicit language, food and eating | a/n: hmm lowkey cheesy but . so what im so insanely in love with jaemin

Your socks are getting wet. You suppose that's a given when you've been sitting in the rain for thirty minutes, but you can't help but cringe at the slush of it every time you shift in your position.

Your t-shirt clings to your abdomen and you constantly have to pull at it, sniffing and breathing in the scent of fresh rain.

Normally you'd love the scent of it. Its earthy and fresh, and you don't ever mind that it can be cold. Though, as you watch the rain bounce against the pavement, you still can't bring yourself to dislike the weather. God knows how long you've been here, but you don't mind staying another moment longer.

To your surprise, the rain stops hitting your body. You're a little startled at the sound of aggressive patter against an umbrella and look up.

Nothing could have prepared you for the fact that Na Jaemin towers over you, letting himself get drenched because he's holding his umbrella over your hunched body.

He stares at you. After looking up at him for a moment, you look down to your feet, too embarrassed to say anything.

"What, is this a hobby of yours? Rain-sitting?"

You don't answer.

Though he sighs, Jaemin stays put by your side, still holding his umbrella out to shield you. A minute passes by. Then two. By now, you're hoping he'll give up and walk away-- back to wherever he came from-- because you don't think you can handle the embarrassment of explaining how you'd twisted your ankle running in the rain.

Finally, after deciding he'd been under the rain for too long, you look back up at him, who's still watching over you, eyes somehow kinder than they used to be.

"Hi," You croak. Jaemin can't help but let his chest clench a little. The corner of his lips twitches up, "Hi, yes, I've been here for like, 30 minutes."

"It wasn't that long," You scoff in a suppressed whisper. Jaemin raises his brows at you, "Oh, so you were aware I was here?"

You don't answer.

Jaemin sighs yet again, slowly lowering to your level. You watch the boy, slightly enamoured by the look on his face, uncaring for the fact that he's still being rained on just to keep the umbrella over you.

He sits next to you on the pavement, nudging the hand which holds his umbrella against your knuckle. With a moment's hesitation and your cautious eyes meeting with his, you take it with a slight tremble in your fingers due to the cold.

And you decide you don't like the fact that Na Jaemin is getting rained on, so you shift closer to him, the sound of your shoes scraping against the gravelly pavement mixing in with the rain that now calms down.

"Why are you here? Do you have anywhere to go?" Asks Jaemin, shuffling closer to your side to shelter from the weather. "The project. Jeno's place is around here but he had something to do last minute so we rescheduled. Tried running home but- uh,"

You pause, partly because you're too embarrassed to admit you'd fallen and twisted your ankle, another part shy about the fact that Jaemin is literally pressed up against your side.

You grumble with your lips pressed against each other, "I tw-s m'nkl."

"Um, sorry?"

"I," You heave, eyes squinting shut as you turn your face towards him, "twisted. My ankle."

Jaemin wears a worried expression on his face, which surprises you a little. Almost hurriedly (you don't want to imagine things), Jaemin lunges and reaches forward to your right ankle, to which you laugh at.

"Wrong one, genius."

"How was I supposed to know?" Replies Jaemin, though his tone suggests he was jesting.

You let him inspect your ankle, letting your stomach and chest do everything but stay calm when he grazes your skin with his fingers. He tilts it a little, eyes casting up to you in assurance that you're not hurt, then turns your ankle over.

"Can you walk?"

"Not on my own, no."

The boy pauses, still grazing his fingers down your ankle until he taps on the material of your shoe. "Alright," Sniffling and scrunching his nose up, Jaemin turns around, still squatted in front of you, and stretches his arms backwards.

"Get on."

"What?"

"Get on my back, Y/N."

"I can't," You deny. You reasonably can physically, but you don't think your heart could take it.

"Y/N," He says your name again, this time softer as he looks back at you. Clenching the umbrella tighter in your hand, you give in with slightly dusted cheeks and lean forward, one arm wrapping across his shoulder blades, the other holding his umbrella over the both of you.

"On 3, okay?"

"Okay,"

Jaemin plants his palms on the underside of your thighs, his touch still somehow warm despite the amount of time he'd spent under the rain. At some point he already started counting down, but you were too carried away with the feeling of his fingers hooking across the pit of your knee, his touch conveying a gentle message in a way. In some strange way that you interpret it perfectly well.

"That's not so bad," Jaemin clears his throat, ascending up to his feet. "You okay back there?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just tell me if I get too heavy," You reply half-heartedly, feeling a little stupid at the fact that you'd been fawning over the touch of your academic rival.

You press the side of your forehead against the back of his neck. Jaemin shivers, but likes the comfort you give him just from a simple, non-intentional gesture.

"We're going to my place,"

"What? No-no, you can just drop me off at the bus station, Na."

"What, and leave you alone all night? You live across town, Y/N."

You don't object after that. You hate when Jaemin is right, but you hate it even more when you can't argue with him. Wordless, Jaemin turns towards the direction of his house, steady with his footsteps as he walks. He can't help but smile a little when you notice his front side was exposed a slight bit and adjust the umbrella so you're both equally shielded, though there isn't really any more use to that because you're both extremely wet.

"I can't just crash at your place," You attempt to object again.

"You're not crashing," Replies Jaemin, bouncing and tightening his hold on you. "I'm making you stay at my place."

"You're kidnapping me."

"I'm kidnapping you."

You can't help the little laugh that bubbles out your throat-- a small chuckle-- which makes Jaemin's lips stretch in a wider smile, chuckling to himself.

It's until when Jaemin slowly sets you down on his porch when you realize it has been the longest time since you'd been to his place. 9th grade, 2nd semester. His mom had invited you over for lunch because you were Na Jaemin's technical best friend at the time.

When the door opens, Jaemin offers a hand out to you, which you take. He tugs you closer to his side, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to keep you grounded and balanced (but you'd reacted the opposite because he was pressed so close against you).

His place is the same as it was the last time you'd visited: a family portrait hung up above the drawer next to the shoe holder; a four-seat dinner table sits in front of the kitchen counter; Jaemin's name hung up on his door written in his middle school handwriting (you'd ever forgotten it).

"There," Grunts Jaemin a little as he sets you down on the couch. You cringe, "Aren't you bothered your couch is gonna get wet?" You watch the boy retrieve an aid kit from a drawer, fetching a fresh wrap and playing with it.

"Nope," He says as he plops down next to you, his own clothes wetting the cushions. His fingers tap at your knee and he looks at your ankle. You turn. lifting your ankle towards him, which he takes and sets on his lap carefully.

"Though these wraps are pretty expensive," Sighs Jaemin, lightly pressing against your skin. "you need it."

You don't understand.

Jaemin... hasn't been on the best terms with you. As much as you hate to admit it, he makes fun of you. Rubs his grades in your face, unwilling to accept defeat when you reveal a perfect score. You'd had an argument in front of half the school because Mark had spilled that you liked him-- at the time. But that was two years ago.

People change, you suppose. In silence.

Watching him, it's hard for you to believe this boy-- the one that'd insulted you in front of a majority of the student body-- is helping you to this extent.

Jaemin notices you staring, and sees the unintentional frown you wear.

"I... understand."

"Hm?"

"If you- hate. Me." His voice is strained, quiet. Guilty, almost. You shake your head, "No, no. I don't." You absorb the moment, fully realizing that Na Jaemin doesn't hate you either with the way he looks at you.

"I don't think I could hate you."

It seems to have triggered something in Jaemin, and suddenly he's sitting a little closer to you, turning. "I never hated you." You give him a surprised look, "You didn't?"

"No, I'm just... extremely, extremely stupid. When I heard you had feelings for me, I-"

You waves your hands at him, shaking your head with a bitter frown, "Oh, we don't have to talk about that, Na. Please spare me the embarrassment." Though you attempt to jest, he still think he's at fault.

There's a silence in the air. A suffocating one. Jaemin still grazes his fingers over your bandaged ankle, a chest clenching look on his face.

"You need fresh clothes." He says, voice strained. Before you can say anything back, Jaemin is quick to get up and leave to his room, leaving you alone with the sound of the clock that hangs in the center of the room, its ticking slowing the more you pay attention to it.

You take this time to observe your ankle he'd just bandaged. It was done with care, you can tell just by looking at it, the feeling of it not too tight nor too loose. You remember he'd always wanted to work in the medicine field, so it was a given he was experienced with things like this.

Jaemin has told you many things over the span of 5 years that you've known him. He likes books and coffee and all things yellow. He likes taking photos of every moment, whether it be scenery or a portrait of any of his friends.

He practically lives off of sweets. You remember he'd joked with you about it, both of you wondering how he has not had a stroke yet. He was, inevitably, your best friend. And you were his. Were.

Jaemin comes back with a pair of sweats and a thin t-shirt, offering them to you, "Here. Tell me if you need a hoodie or a jacket. In case you get cold."

You take the clothes, smiling and thanking him quietly. "I can walk myself to the bathroom. Thanks again, Na."

Jaemin's shirt smells like him, and it feels fresh. You're relieved to change out of your clothes, a moment longer or you'd have caught a cold. As you wring the water out of your hair over the sink, you notice to your side: a cup, with two toothbrushes. One yellow, another green.

"Holy shit," You mumble, stunned. The green toothbrush is all too familiar-- its yours. From when you slept over. In the tenth grade. "Ew," You laugh to yourself, wondering how long it sat here.

Discarding your wet clothes in a plastic bag he'd given you, you walk out of the bathroom, still holding and scrutinizing the toothbrush.

"You do realize you have, like, a two year-old toothbrush in the same cup as your own, right?" You say as you slowly approach Jaemin, who cooks in the kitchen. He freezes, slowly turning to you.

"I'm not a creep, I swear."

"No, you're just a nostalgist."

"That I am." He laughs, taking the toothbrush from your grasp. "Guess I just really enjoyed that sleepover."

There's a solemn look on his face. "Look, I want to apologize to you. I had no right to treat you like I did. And I can't just show back up into your life like this-- without an apology."

"Na, you don't need to apologize."

"Stop calling me that." Jaemin sighs, exasperated. You notice his fist clenching, confused at the sudden damp in his mood. "What? Calling you what?"

"Na. Just call me Jaemin, like everyone. Or- Jaem. Like you. Like you used to. I hate thinking about the fact that I'd pushed you so far away to the point you can't even say my name like you used to. I never meant to. I was- I'm just so-"

He stops himself, unwilling to continue.

"Jaemin," You say. "Your-"

"I swear to god if you're going to blame and put yourself down like you always do, I'm going to rip my hair out. I hurt you. To the point where I can't possibly fix it."

"Jaem-"

"It can't be mended and it can't go back to the way it was. I'm always running my mouth before I think and it's going to be the death of me-- but please let me make it up to you before that happens."

"Jaemin. Dude." You land a firm smack on his shoulder. He feigns a wince, holding his arm. "What the hell was that for? I' trying to apologize to you."

You can't help but chuckle, pointing to the stove behind him, "Try not to burn your food first." Jaemin lets out a string of profanities, turning the stove off in a hurry.

"That... was supposed to be our dinner."

"I don't mind instant ramen," You say, opening the cabinet. You're surprised you still remember where he'd kept his ramen packs. "I'm sorry," Grumbles Jaemin, chucking the charred food into the trash.

"It's fine, I haven't treated myself to ramen in a while."

"No, I mean. For letting my mouth run. Again." The boy rubs his brow, still holding your toothbrush. He takes a glance at it, "It really can't go back to the way it was, can it? As much as some things stay the same, time can't."

You sigh as you rip open a packet, "No. But things can be mended. You just need strength." You pause and turn around, pinching the end of his nose, "And control over your own mouth."

Jaemin laughs, swatting your hand away. He watches with fond eyes as you prepare two packets of ramen for the both of you, content with the sight of you in his clothes.

"Actually, honestly speaking, I..." He coughs a little before continuing. "I used to like you."

"What?" You ask in a laugh.

"Yeah, ninth grade. And tenth." Jaemin shifts in his position, planting his hands against the kitchen's cold granite counter. "...and eleventh."

You give him a look, expecting him to stop. He shrugs at the look you give him, "And maybe, in the slightest, smallest chance, now."

"Na Jaemin likes me?" You repeat, incredulous. "I'm flattered, but, I never saw this coming."

"You didn't? I thought it was pretty obvious,"

"No, I guess you rejecting me in front of half of the school's student body gave me the vibes that, you didn't like me." You say, not showing the slightest bit of bitterness in your voice. Jaemin rubs his face, wearing a frown, "I'm really sorry about that."

"Dude, it was tenth grade. It doesn't matter now, does it?" You reply nonchalantly, mixing your ramen in its seasoning. Clapping your hands against your lap, you declare the food is done and hand Jaemin a pair of chopsticks that you'd taken from the drawer.

"No, it doesn't, I guess." He hums, taking the offered chopsticks. "I don't suppose it's too late to ask you out? On a date?"

You almost laugh at how nervous he sounds. The Na Jaemin is fidgety and bashful? You need to savor this.

"No, it's not too late," You mention, eating on a mouthful or ramen right after. Jaemin beams, bumping his hip to yours as he shoves the ramen you'd made into his own mouth.

Despite what he said, Jaemin believes things can still be mended, no matter how bad he'd caused damage. Maybe they can even go back to how it used to be-- but he doesn't want that. He wants more, with you.

©hirokari, 2023.

[ningningsdream]

the villain in your story | part fifty

word count: 0.9k

"what's up?", jaemin's voice reached your ears as his arms wrapped around your waist from behind.

"oh nothing.", you lied, quickly putting your phone away.

after tweeting that picture of jaemin, you scrolled through your feed to catch up with whatever you missed and saw jiwoo's and lia's tweet about dresses and a wedding. you started wondering if it was the same one as the one you were attending. it wouldn't be that far fetched since they were also friends with your ex back in high school and if he invited you, he probably invited them as well. if you weren't sure about going at first, you were even less now. all your problems would be reunited in one place.

"you're doing it again.", jaemin said, snapping you out of your thoughts. you turned around to look at him, face full of confusion, "you're pushing me away."

jaemin let go of you to walk to your couch, hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly slumping.

"i'm sorry.", you sincerely apologized.

"you don't have to. i don't want you to feel pressured to talk to me about things you're not comfortable talking to me about. but i hope that you, at least, talk about it to someone. whether it be jimin, minjeong...or even hyuck.", jaemin tried not to sound too defeated but you caught on the insecurity in his voice, especially when he said donghyuck's name.

"it's not you, really.", you settled on the other end of the couch with a sigh, "i don't talk about my problems unless someone really pushes me to do so. i usually bake until i forget about them."

jaemin frowned at your statement, he wondered how many hardship you've kept to yourself during your life so far and especially recently since you've baked non stop.

"but i've gotten better. back in highschool, i sometimes went to jiwoo and lia when i needed comfort, without really telling them that i needed it or that anything was wrong. now, i can sometimes manage to talk to jimin, minjeong and hyuck if i feel the need to but this... this is just too much. i can barely process anything myself, so talking about it..."

"hey, it's okay. take your time.", jaemin's soft gaze never left you as he reached out to take your hand.

"it's just that the whole thing with jiwoo was already hard to handle. i felt like i was betraying her but at the same time, i was mad at how she handled things. then, my ex showed up out of no where? inviting me to his wedding as if he didn't tell me a few years earlier that he'd never want to get married, but turns out he just didn't want to get married to me, i guess. i don't even know why i feel like this, it's not like i'm still hung up on him. i'm not sad, nor jealous about the fact that he's getting married. i don't want to marry him. but there's this feeling as if something was heavily sitting on my chest, and i can't breath and it just spread all over my body. and added to all of that, lia, who just came back from visiting her family abroad, texted me to defend jiwoo as if her life depended on it, making me feel even worse. it was just the last straw, i completely broke down. i still feel bad about taeyong, johnny and you witnessing it, though."

"we were more worried about you than anything else."

"and i'm sorry, to you, because you deserve so much better than all of this.", you said, waving your arms around.

"hey, now, don't start saying ridiculous things.", jaemin said, putting his hands on your shoulders and looking at you in the eyes to make sure you heard him.

"no but, it's the truth. you've done so much for me and given so much while i've barely given you anything in return. i keep pushing you and everyone away when things get too much. the worst is that i'm aware of it, but i keep doing it anyway..."

"y/n, i don't expect anything in return. i know it takes longer for some people to open up than others. i'm part of the people that can open up pretty easily when i'm comfortable with someone but i know everyone is not like that. i'm willing to wait as long as you'll still want me to. sure, i'm kind of sad when i feel like you're pushing me away, but i get it. and what you're doing right now is already a lot. don't worry."

you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, giving him a hug you needed, "thank you.", you tightened your arms around him, half your body laying on the couch as you just launched at him for the hug, not really moving your butt from where it was on the couch.

jaemin just smiled and chuckled at your position before putting his hands on your waist and pulling you closer to him, then adjusting his position so you could both be laying on your pretty small couch - at least for two people. he wrapped one arm around your waist as his other hand was gently playing with your hair. your arms went from around his neck to around his torso as your ear pressed against his chest. jaemin's heart was beating really fast - as it always does in your presence - but he wasn't afraid of you hearing it. in fact, he hoped you could so you'd know how you made him feel.

main masterlist | tviys masterlist

pairing: fem!oc x barista!jaemin, fembarista!reader x barista!jaemin

genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, barista!au, sns au

summary: girls' code prevents you from liking the guy your friend likes right?

a/n: i wonder how i managed to write such a green flag!jaemin wtf

taglist: [@glamourizz @rinrinslovebot @beomibeom @moonjobf @hiqhkey @calssunflower @donghyuckster @vianna99 @kookiedesi @baehaechannie @nshimura @thiccfullsun @dear-dreamie @neobowlingshoez @jjaehmins @liliansun @bythe8 @hyuckrec @dearlyminhyung @ohmygs-blog @hoeshi17 @wonupuppy @shan-oldham @jeongintwt @renjunoya @najm00 @sukistrawberry @goldryush @000rpheus @sfthyuka @mxnhoeuwu @dandelionxgal @vanillainverse @niaalove @igotkpoops ]

prev | next

[sunflowerhae]

POLL TIME POLL TIME PLS ANSWER‼️

I really like making SMAU’s - I want to do another after good game, but like I have a lot of ideas and idk what yet so I need help picking tyewww

1) Spider-Man!mark x college paper journalist who wants to prove themself to the team in order to get the job of Editor in chief and needs to go all out like exposing Spider-Man all out!y/n (I know this version of fanfic Is a very over saturated industry but that’s because spiderman mark just HITS yall)

2) Jaemin needs a job and BAD - good thing his best friend Jeno has an open position at the thrift store he works at! Jaemin flies by the interview and onboarding process and before he knows it a week goes by and he loves it! The only thing he doesn’t love? Manger!y/n who seemingly has a STICK UP THEIR ASS.

ALSO , I’m thinking of making them both plus size 🥲 we’ll see!! I love both these stories so I really can’t choose so I’m gna make YALL choose thanks <3

[sourrpatched]

pairing; n. jm x reader

warnings; heavy angst, implied main character death

word count; 451

a/n; this is only a drabble to cope with the pms depression episode i have, sorry it’s not cute and fluffy like my other stuff but if u want comedic stuff i rec my other work like love bites (this is nini payola) oh and lastly, a wheel of names chose who this fic was about so if u hate it take that with the wheel

Never had you ever guessed you’d fall out of love with the man you married but here you were. It was slow and steady. If you hadn’t gotten up this morning you probably would’ve never even noticed it in the first place.

You’d woke up at eight am as per your usual schedule. The house was empty as it’d been the past months, your husband was out every morning and night. You sat alone in bed waiting for him the first few weeks, quickly growing out of patience and deciding to sleep on your own.

There were times earlier on that you’d feel the warmth of his body around you as you slept, waking to nothingness as if it were all a dream. It had been something you’d grown accustomed to as well as the quietness that filled the entire house.

You’d make yourself a breakfast since he’d stopped waking you up to any months ago. Then lay about in your home, cleaning up the place before having to make lunch.

Lunch, you remember the times he would clock out of work to spend his lunch with you. You’d pay him back for the breakfast by making him a meal. He would thank you always, the gesture was small but now that it was gone it was one of the things you missed most.

As time went by, you’d found yourself hardly able to eat lunch. Maybe dinner would fill the void. You remember counting the time down until eight pm. He would always walk through the doors perfectly on time, he hadn’t done that for a while.

The clock struck nine, and the leftovers you had were left on the countertop, cold. You thought it wouldn’t be any use to serve a plate that would never be eaten. It was bed time, and for the first time in a long time you thought it might be easier to get through the night.

You always dreamt of him. His face, his voice, his touch, and his smell. It was almost as if he were there which is why it was always so hard to want to wake up. You used to wake in tears every night. The memory of the man you used to love was enough to keep you awake knowing he wasn’t going to show up tonight, or tomorrow, or even any other night.

You had never thought you’d fall out of love with the love of your life, and when the world tests you by having the heavens take him early leaving you with nothing but the memory of him, you realize only then that you were right.

There could never be any other man than Na Jaemin.

[forsungie]

GETAWAY CAR

pairings. park jisung x female reader x ex-boyfriend jaemin

genre. mature content, angst | requested!

content. fast paced, implied cheating (sa exam!), best friend haechan, very short car sex part

playlist. migraine by moonstar88, kisapmata by rivermaya, beer by itchyworms, hayaan by cup of joe, rebound by silent sanctuary, getaway car by taylor swift, sana by i belong to the zoo

author’s note. not proofread, pag pasensyahan niyo na if may typos and grammatical errors dahil tinamad na ko :') enjoy reading and feel free to send me feedbacks! 🩷

“badtrip, monday na monday nagpasurprise long quiz prof namin,” rant sayo ni haechan habang kumakain ng inorder nitong tapsilog.

nasa katabing cafeteria ng campus niyo kayo ngayon ng kaibigan mo dahil kakatapos lang ng klase mo at sakto namang nag aya si haechan kumain sa labas ng campus dahil free cut naman daw niya. ayaw daw niyang kumain sa canteen ng university niyo dahil bukod sa hindi na masarap ay mahal pa. wala ka ng next class, pero napag usapan niyo ni jisung na kakain kayo sa labas bilang bayad niya sayo sa pagtulong mo sa kaniya mag review last week kaya hindi ka pa umuuwi.

“hulaan mo kung nakailan ako,” natatawa pa nitong sabi sayo.

“half?” hula mo naman.

umiling si haechan, “twenty two over fifty.”

“gago kasi ni jeno, nag usap kaming mag kokopyahan kami tapos nung magsasagot na tinakpan papel niya, tarantado,” dagdag nito, napapailing pa.

“speaking of the devil, ayan oh,” turo mo sa parating na si jeno.

tumayo naman si haechan para hampasin ito, “pakyu, boi, taksil ka.”

“nakailan ka, jen?” baling mo sa isa.

“thirty nine over fifty,” nakangisi nitong sagot sayo, “nakikinig kasi ako, hindi kagaya ng iba dyan,” parinig nito kay haechan.

“madapa ka sana,” bulong ni haechan.

“uy, gago, nakalimutan ko tuloy yung sasabihin ko,” kalabit nito kay haechan, “nagpunta ko dito para sunduin ka, nasa room na si sir!”

“akala ko ba free cut?!”

“hindi daw! tara na,” hinila ni jeno si haechan palabas ng cafeteria, “una na kami, y/n!”

napailing ka na lang sa kagaguhan ng dalawa at saka akmang aalis na rin sana ng cafeteria nang tumunog ang cellphone mo. it was jisung who texted, tinatanong kung tapos na ang klase mo. imbis na mag reply ay pinindot mo na lang ang call button.

“hi,” halata sa tono ng boses ng binata na nakangiti ito sa likod ng telepono.

“nandito ako sa cafeteria sa tabi ng campus, kakatapos lang ng class ko, sinamahan ko lang si hyuck kumain,” sagot mo.

“patapos na rin klase ko,” aniya, “nag paalam lang ako mag cr saglit para masagot tawag mo.”

natawa ka naman, “sorry, akala ko tapos na klase mo. sige na, bumalik ka na muna, itext mo na lang ako pagkatapos, intayin kita.”

mukhang pinaglalaruan ka ng tadhana dahil nang palabas ka na ng cafeteria ay nakasalubong mo si jaemin kasama ang mga kaibigan niyang sila yangyang. nag dalawang isip ka pa nung una kung babatiin mo ang mga ito, pero naunahan ka ni yangyang, “y/n! bakit mag isa ka? nasaan sila hyuck?” tanong nito at saka ka niyakap.

“kakaalis lang, sinundo ni jen— bigla daw dumating prof nila,” sagot mo.

tipid na ngiti at tango lamang ang ibinigay sayo ni jaemin, mukhang na a-awkwardan rin sa sitwasyon, though madalas naman kayong magkita around the campus ay awkward at mahirap pa rin para sayo. mahirap naman kasi talagang mag kunwari na parang wala lang nangyari sainyong dalawa dahil ilang taon rin yon. mahirap kalimutan yon nang ganun-ganun lang.

bigla kang nanghina pagkatapos ng interaction na yon, sa tuwing makikita mo siya pakiramdam mo bumagsak ang langit at lupa sayo. imbis na bumalik sa campus para intayin si jisung ay napag desisyunan mong umuwi na lang. you feel like crying and so you did.

“it’s okay to cry, angel, crying doesn’t mean you’re weak,” palaging paalala sayo ni jaemin noon.

naalala mo pa ay sinabi niya sayo iyon noong namatay ang alaga mong aso na siya ang nagbigay. sobrang lungkot mo that time kaya niyakap ka niya, at doon pa lang tumulo ang mga luha mong kanina mo pa pinipigilan.

“i will cry with you.”

but not anymore.

after hours of crying in your room, saka mo lang naalala si jisung. nawala na sa isip mong kailangan mo siyang imessage para sabihing nauna ka nang umuwi at mag sorry.

ji, sorry umuwi na ko, bigla kasing sumama pakiramdam ko :(

sent at 6:02pm

it took three minutes for jisung before texting back.

no, it’s okay, kumusta na pakiramdam mo? uminom ka na ba ng gamot? dalhan ba kita? you should’ve told me na masama pakiramdam mo para hindi na kita pinag intay

you’re very glad to have someone like jisung that’s why you treasure him so much. sobrang swerte mo magkaroon ng kaibigang kagaya niya sa tabi mo every time na kailangan mo siya and you’re very aware of that. hinding hindi mo gugustuhing mawala siya sayo.

i’m good na! i took a nap as soon as i got home, so medyo okay na rin ako. thank you, ji! bawi ako sayo :')

sent at 6:08pm

days has passed quickly. december na at isang linggo na lang ay christmas eve na. you and your friends decided to go to tagaytay for a three day vacation bago mag pasko since you and your friends will be spending christmas with your family and relatives.

sa kabilang banda, napag desisyunan na ni jisung na umamin sayo sa huling araw ng bakasyon niyo sa tagaytay. it took him years bago nabuo ang desisyon niya and this time he’s very sure of it. he’s willing to take the risk if it’s you.

you have no idea na alam ng mga kaibigan mo na gusto ka ni jisung, not until the confession happened. to be honest, you didn’t know what to feel. you’re happy to know that he likes you, but half of you knows na hindi ka pa fully moved on from jaemin. and haechan knows it, he’s your best friend after all.

“please lang, y/n... matalino ka, gamitin mo ang utak mo,” haechan was very frustrated because of the news, “masasaktan mo lang si jisung, magkakasakitan lang kayong dalawa,” napahilamos na lang ito ng mukha sa stress.

after months of you and jisung’s set up, naisipan mo nang ikwento ito kay haechan. nalaman nito na may nangyayari sa inyong dalawa ni jisung as friends kahit alam ni jisung na hindi ka pa nakakamove on ay pumayag ito sa set up. well... you both enjoyed each other’s company.

“haah... malapit na ko, ji...” ungol mo habang hingal na hingal sa pagbaba at taas sa ibabaw ni jisung.

nasa kotse kayo ni jisung ngayon, ihahatid ka lang sana niya pauwi sa inyo galing sa campus. hindi mo rin alam kung paano kayo nauwi sa ganitong sitwasyon. one second, you were sitting on the passenger seat and the next, you were bouncing on top of him.

“fuck, you feel so good, angel... so tight around me...” he groaned while holding your hip to help you bounce on his cock.

“matulog ka na muna at pag isipan mo yung mga sinabi ko sayo,” paalam sayo ni haechan.

you did. pinag isipan mo ang mga payo sayo ni haechan. ang totoo niyan ay alam mo naman sa sarili mong mali ang ginagawa mo, pero hindi mo alam ang gagawin. siguro nga ay dahil sa ginawa mo ng distraction si jisung para lang masabing nakamove on ka na kay jaemin.

sa dalawang linggong nakalipas ay hindi mo nireplyan ang mga messages sayo ni jisung. hindi mo alam ang gagawin kaya naisipan mong mas mabuti kung iwasan mo na lang muna si jisung habang nag iisip ka. today is jisung’s birthday at ni-bati sa text o call ay hindi mo ginawa. in fact, may birthday party na magaganap si jisung ngayong gabi at pilit kang inaaya nila jeno na pumunta.

nang dumalaw ang hating gabi ay may nangyaring hindi mo inaasahan. kumakatok lang naman si jaemin sa bahay niyo, at lasing na lasing. tawag ito nang tawag sa pangalan mo kaya ginising ka ng mama mo para pagbuksan ng pinto ang binata.

“j-jaemin... anong ginagawa mo dito?” gulat na tanong mo sa binata.

“y/n... miss na miss na kita... alam mo ba yon?” jaemin murmured, lasing na lasing na ito at hindi na makatayo nang diretso kaya inalalayan mo.

nangilid ang mga luha sa mata mo nang marinig ang mga salitang iyon galing sa bibig ni jaemin, “lasing ka lang, umuwi ka na sa inyo, jaemin.”

mapait na tumawa si jaemin, “jaemin? you used to call me ‘love’...” he whispered.

tumango ka, “yes, used to...” you whispered back.

kahinaan mo si jaemin at alam mo yon. simula nang maghiwalay kayo marinig mo lang ang ngalan niya nanghihina ka na. pakiramdam mo tuwing mababanggit si jaemin naririnig mong nababasag ang puso mo.

“hindi ako makatulog nang hindi ka iniisip... naaalala kita sa lahat ng bagay...” panimula nito, “sorry kung... sorry kung sumuko ako, nasaktan lang rin naman ako. nagkakasakitan lang tayo.”

“you were the best thing that ever happened to me and i hope you know that. alam kong wala na tayong pagasa... alam kong hindi na natin kayang buuin pa nang paulit ulit ang matagal nang nasira. sinubukan naman natin,” dagdag nito habang pilit pinipigilang umiyak sa harap ng dalaga, “nandito ako dahil gusto ko lang na marinig mula sayo. para rin makausad na tayo peraho kahit paano. kasi hindi ko kayang nakikita na nahihirapan ka nang dahil sa akin...”

nakayuko ka lang at patuloy sa paghikbi habang pinakikinggan si jaemin.

muli kang tumango, “tama na, jaemin.”

mas lalo lamang lumakas ang hikbi mo nang sabihin mo ang mga salitang yon. biglang nag flashback sa utak mo yung limang taon na kasama mo siya.

“pwede ba kitang yakapin? kahit sa huling pagkakataon.” tanong ng binata.

imbis na sumagot ay tumakbo ka palapit kay jaemin at saka ito niyakap nang mahigpit. agad ka namang niyakap pabalik ni jaemin. mas lalo kang nanghina nang marinig itong umiyak sa balikat mo. naging triple ang sakit na nararamdaman mo... dahil ang unang beses na umiyak si jaemin sayo ay noong sinagot mo siya. ibang iba ang dahilan ng pagtangis niya ngayon. damang dama mo ang sakit sa hikbi ng binata.

habang si jisung, ibang ideya ang nakuha. nakaupo ito sa loob ng sasakyan niya sa malayo habang pinapanood kayong dalawa. simula pa lang naman ng laban alam na ni jisung na si jaemin pa rin.

dahil si jaemin naman talaga. it was him even from the very start at wala siyang laban.

habang pinapanood kayo ni jisung, ang hindi niya alam ay may nanonood rin sa kaniyang umiyak.

haechan is crying with him.

click here for bonus part!

[toothfa-1-ry]

THEY'RE THE PERSON OF MY DREAMS, BUT WAS I EVER EVEN A PART OF THEIRS? - Na Jaemin

Jaemin loved you. He was utterly inlove with you, heads over heels inlove with you. He was willing to live for you, to die for you, he was willing to do anything you wanted him to do. So why couldn't you even spare him a small place in your heart? Even when his entire heart only consist of you?

GENRE: Angst, toxic relationship

PAIRING: Non Idol Na Jaemin x toxic reader (gender not specified)

FEAT: Jaemin's bestfriend Jeno

WARNING: toxic relationship, manipulative reader, toxic reader, reader is a major asshole to Jaemin, suggestive themes, swear words

A/N: By NO MEANS am I glorifying or romanticising toxic relationships at all by this fic, rather I'm trying to show how much a toxic relationship can affect someone. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship or know someone who is in a toxic relationship please don't hesitate to get some help and talk to someone. Your worth more than those assholes who don't deserve you, your worth more that half assed apolagies.

Jaemin stares at your lips,

He's been staring at your lips for some while as his own fingers lightly glide over his own lips unaware that your silently observing him.

He wonders how it would feel, your lips against his. Those soft beautiful lips he dreamt of everynight he laid in his bed, he wonders if you ever dream of his own lips like he does to yours.

It's not like you guys haven't kissed before, because you guys have kissed eachother many times before. Sometimes in the alley behind the club you always force him to go with you, or sometimes in the middle of the night in his room whenever your feeling a type of way.

But Jaemin wants to kiss you properly, not those half drunk half sober makeouts you have with him. Not those kisses which only leave him feeling empty and broken

Actually, to be really honest,

All Jaemin really wanted was for your to actually kiss him. To kiss him like you liked him, to kiss him the way he always kissed you. He wanted you to kiss him and also feel the butterflies he felt, for your heart to also race as you kiss him. For you to feel all the things he feels whenever the both of you kiss.

At a certain point, Jaemin wonders what he is to you. The both of you never put a label to your relationship. All Jaemin knew was one day you would start ignore him. Maybe you'll ignore him for days, maybe for weeks and then suddenly your there on top of him, kissing him like there's no tomorrow as the both of you lay on his bed.

He liked you too much to stop you, fuck he was inlove with you. But were you inlove with him? Did you even like him? Did you even think of Jaemin the slightest bit of the the way Jaemin thought of you? Or did Jaemin only come to your mind when you felt the need of someone's company?

"what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Jaemin's thoughts are interrupted by your voice, your finally looking at him instead of your glowing mobile screen

"no- no it's nothing" Jaemin stammered. He always felt nervous around you, maybe even a little scared. Afraid that one small mistake, and you'll get angry. One wrong move and you'll turn cold and distant.

"huh? What's up with you? You wanna makeout or something?" You smirk, your fingers still busy on your phone

"what- I. No I mean- I don't know"

"what's that suppose to mean?"

Shit shit shit

"do you not like hanging out with me? Is that what your tryna say here Na?" You ask him, your eyebrows knit together

Jaemin feels like running away, he feels like begging for your forgiveness but he's frozen. The weird feeling he always had whenever he was around you only growing even more

"is that what your saying? I'm so boring that you can't even think of something to talk with me about?"

Jaemin's mouth runs dry as the words come out of your tongue. He blinks once, twice, thrice unable to say anything, to do anything. All he wants is for you to not be angry at him, to not scold him. All he wants is for you to love him or atleast pretend to even if it's just for a second or two

"i- that's not what I meant.. I-" Jaemin's words are cut short by your scoff, he watches as you roll your eyes in annoyance

"i- i- i- what Jaemin? Spit it out. Your being so annoying these days. Honestly I'm getting tired of you"

All the words in Jaemin's head vanishes, he feels the pool of water forming in his eyes, the lump in his throat as he struggles to think of something to say. He always ends up feeling this way with you and he hates it. He hates it so much. But what can he do? When your the one he loves so much? The one his heart aches for, the one his heart yearns for

You seem to notice Jaemin's teary eyes and the slight shaking in his body. Jaemin hears you sigh.

"Jaemin-ah seriously? Your getting upset over this? Agh this is so irritating do you understand?" Jaemin can hear that your getting even more annoyed but he can't do anything, he's afraid to do anything

"y/n I'm sorry- I'm so sorry" the words come out as a sob "I like being with you, I just- fuck I like you so much. That's all" Jaemin chokes out as he fumbles on his words, his head looking down afraid to make eye contact with you, afraid of your reaction

He's ready to hear you scold him more, maybe even threaten to leave him. Hes ready for you to go away and leave him alone for a few weeks before you come back as if nothing happens. He already hears you getting up from his bed, he doesn't want you to leave, he doesn't want to be left alone.

Jaemin probably knows that this isn't the best time to say it, he's unsure how you'd react to it, if you'd get even more angry at him but right now he's willing to say anything for you to stay

"it's just that- I love you"

There, he said it. Jaemin said the L word, he said the L word to you. A memory of him telling his bestfriend Jeno that he loved you comes to his mind. The way Jeno reacted, the way they disapproved, the way they tried to tell him that he didn't love you but he couldn't care any less, not when looked at him like that

"you- you love me?" You ask, your hand on the handle of Jaemin's door and the other hand holding your phone

"I do- I love you. I love you so much y/n"

You look at Jaemin in a unexplainable way. Your face a mixture of shock and another emotion he couldn't exactly pin point

"Na Jaemin what the hell are you saying? what the hell do you think your sayin-"

"please y/n. Please just say that you love me back. Say tht you atleast like me back y/n" Jaemin pleads, he hears the tone of his voice and for a split second he couldn't help but wonder how Jeno would react to hearing him like this

"just say it, that you like me. Even if it's only a little bit, that's all I need. Say that I have a place in your heart. Even if its only a small place I don't care-" Jaemin's eyes looked at yours "just say that you care for me"

You don't say anything for a moment and neither does he. The both of you just stay there unmoving. Jaemin remains where he is, holding his breath even, afraid that one small movement will drive you further away from him

"Jaemin-"

"y/n? I really-"

"Jaemin you fucking crazy- your fucking insane. You can't be serious right now"

Jaemin watches you, his eyes widened, mind racing, heart beating ever so fast. He watches as your face contorts into anger and disgust as you look at him in complete dislike and discontempt as if he carried a deadly disease you didn't want to catch.

"don't fucking play stupid games with me Na. I dont have time for you or the bullshit your playing with me right now- I'm leaving, for good- don't fucking call me you stupid fuck" you slam the door behind you and quickly walk out of his apartment leaving Jaemin alll alone

You leave a broken Jaemin behind, a crumbling Jaemin whose entire room began to fill up with his sobs as he began to wonder if you ever even thought of the idea of liking him, probably not.

He hates himself for thinking that you could like him, for thinking that there was something in between the both of you that the both of you mutually shared.

"you stupid fuck Na Jaemin" he tells himself as he cries himself to sleep, the bed feeling as cold as it ever did, even when you slept in it with him.

-

It's going to be a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months later when Jaemin would receive a message from you again. He'd completely ignore everything that happened before, all the things you said before and go out to meet you. Craving your touch even more, your affection even more

By this point he knows something is wrong and whatever he has with you isn't healthy, it isn't even safe but he can't stop himself, especially not when you call him in the middle of the night begging him to talk to you. Not when you whisper those sweet words in his ear which he knows you don't mean.

It would take a year or two, maybe even 4 years, maybe even 6 but one day Jaemin would let you go, actually let you go.

And one day Jaemin would find the love he has been giving others, he'll find the same love he always gave you. One day someone will love him like how he loved you.

But this is the future we're talking about, not the present.

For now, Jaemin is going to lie down next to you as you fill his head with pretty lies, he's going to hold you in his arms as you kiss his face with empty kisses, as you break his heart. For now Jaemin is going to continue wishing that you'll learn to love him, that maybe one day you'll love him. That maybe you do love him, you just don't know it yet

For now, he's going to let you continue breaking his heart again and again until there are no pieces left to give you. Until the cracks fill his heart up that there's no space left for you in it.

For now he's going to pretend he has a place in your heart, even when he was never even there in the first place