#n tomorrow ill have less excuses like ill hurt less from working this weekend ill be less tired n wont have any demanding obligations

[monsterbisexual]

,,

[agustdomain]

A Slideshow of Road Lines {2}

Synopsis: They say oil and water don’t mix. What about oil paint and engines? He’s an artist reaching toward his dream while the girl with an engine heart is too busy trying to get her hands on the wheel. Is there a way for them to hold onto each other?

Word Count: 5k words 

Pairing: Chris x Reader

Genre: college!au, artist!Chris, angst

Warnings: Language, Physical Illness (mentions and depictions of it)

Author’s Note: Would any of you be interested in a character index? I’m going to do it anyways haha but I want to know if that’s something you’d like to see. You know, just in case you need a reference. It is an expansive world after all. Also, I have a playlist specifically for this universe so if that’s also something you’d like to see... Without further ado...

! IMPORTANT NOTE ! This story is taking place in TWO DIFFERENT TIMES. When you see these flowers ❁, the story is shifting from present to past. There will also be a “Then” next to the day in order to further indicate that. If you have any questions, let me know!

> Part One <

DAY 4 

Her head is bobbing, her mind dipping in and out of consciousness. Any moment now and she’s going to hit rock bottom, far beyond return. 

This is what Y/N deserved for putting off studying for her calculus exam until the night before. The last time she checked the clock-when she was more awake than she is now- it had read 2:03 AM. That had given her a nice seven-hour window to study for the exam in which she was massively unprepared. 

Truthfully, she’s been using this exam as her go-to excuse until it was wrung dry. It had been enough to deter worried Hyunjin more than once and barely sated Yeji who’s relentless with pestering her this entire weekend. Even Minnie senses something is off, leaving a Crunch bar at her door for the past three nights.That’s one reason she preferred Chuu over all of her roommates, because she knew when to keep her distance. 

The Crunch bars, however, are a nice late night snack. 

Her phone buzzing made her head slide off her poised hand, almost right into her desk. Yawning loudly, she scratches at her cheek as she squints down at her phone. Swearing at the brightness, she turns it down before focusing on the only notification that’s lighting up her screen.

Honey

My spidey senses are tingling…                         Delivered at 3:08 AM

She waits patiently for the three dots to reveal whatever else Hyunjin’s spouting at her this late at night. 

Honey

They’re telling me my favorite girl is in need of Honey time...

and Pistachio ice cream.                                  Delivered at 3:09 AM

Even though she’s been trying to avoid him as much as possible, Y/N can’t avoid the smile trying to nudge her lips. She barely began to type a response before he shoots another text at her. 

Honey

Before you heartlessly reject me, I’m waiting at the front door. Let me innnnnn

Delivered at 3:11 AM

That’s how after almost failing to creep down the creaky ass townhouse stairs and stubbing her toe on Minnie’s skateboard, she finds a gentle smile and her favorite companion waiting for her.

“Get in here,” She hisses, ignoring his outstretched arms and opting to yank him inside.

“Ouch. Don’t have to be so rough,” He whines a little too loudly.

“Uh, yeah I do. Especially when there’s a dumbass walking around late at night asking to get himself mugged. Or worse, killed.”

“Let them try. You know I could take anyone who tries to come at me,” Posting up, he swings at an invisible opponent, the grocery bag hanging on his wrist making him look ridiculous. 

“Shut up before you wake up the Wicked Witch,” Y/N whispers. 

His gaze trails to the stairs before shaking his head, kicking off his shoes. “We really need to get Minnie ear plugs or something. I’ve spent enough time around to know she’s louder than a boat horn.”

Y/N has to stifle her laughter. He always knows how to pull it out of her, no matter how hard things are. “Come on, loser. Watch your step. The stairs-”

“Creak. Yeah, I know. You act like I haven’t been here before. Are you going to tell me every single time?”

Not even five seconds later, she hears the stairs creak from behind her. Slowly turning back to look at him, she merely shakes her head at the grimace on his face before leading the way.

Once they close the door behind them, she gets her phone to text the roommate group chat. It’s a rule they had implemented when they first moved in together: keep each other in the loop. To maintain a level of respect, they always let each other know what was going on/who they are having over. 

Right as she’s going to hit send, she hesitates. Hovering her thumb over the send button, her eyes peer at Hyunjin. She watches as he observes the wall adjacent to her desk. It’s where she had put up all of her photos when she first moved in. These days, she avoids them considering a lot has changed. She really needed to take some of those pictures down.

Feeling her eyes, he meets her gaze and nods at her in question. Erasing the text, she tosses her phone to her bed before settling at her desk. Instead of facing her notes, she spins the chair to face Hyunjin.

“Honey.”

“Yeah?” He’s still distracted, eyes drawn to the photos but mind somewhere else. What a sight. It’s been a long time since she’s seen him appear so peaceful. She doesn’t want to disrupt that. Unfortunately, she does have an exam she’s studying for and time’s dwindling down. 

All she has to do is tell him she needs to focus. Apologize and tell him he needs to go. Thank him for the ice cream but she really needs to finish studying and get some rest. Reassure him that she’ll call him tomorrow. 

Five minutes later, both of their backs are pressed against the wall beneath the photos, pistachio carton comfortably between them. 

“You know, I used to hate this flavor.”

Y/N glances at him, unbothered at his disruption of the comfortable silence. The spoon rests in his mouth, hands comfortably in his lap. She watches as his right hand twists the metal ring on his left middle finger. Something’s on his mind. 

“I think I remember something like that.”

“Yeah, it used to taste like shit. Whenever you got it, I would wonder who made such a nasty ass flavor. Of all things to make as ice cream, they chose pistachio? They must’ve died a virgin.”

“Wow,” Y/N coughs out a laugh, feeling bad for the inventor of pistachio ice cream. Digging her spoon into the carton, she asks, “What changed your mind?”

“You, of course.” Her eyes snap up to meet Hyunjin’s gaze.

“What?”

“What do you mean, what? I’m telling you the truth.”

They hold their gaze for a moment before Y/N breaks it, spooning the bite into her mouth before pointing the accusatory spoon at Hyunjin. “That’s bullshit.”

“Fine, don’t believe me. Why would I lie about something so stupid?” He tries to ignore her pointed stare before he adds, “I don’t know, I guess it could be taste buds changing the older you get and shit. But it really was your fault.”

“If I take credit for it, then I’m taking credit for changing your life for the better.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” 

An intimate silence falls around them, one that’s distinctly Hyunjin and Y/N. She believes their silence is one of the many reasons they work so well. They never need to fill the silence, not like she does when she’s with Yeji. 

“I’m sorry.”

Y/N swallows the ice cream in her mouth. Licking her lips of the leftover residue, her gaze flickers over to him. He’s trying, that much is obvious. It hurt her to know that she’s being difficult about it all. Even to a stranger, it’d be easy to see she’s avoiding all human contact the moment she heard Chris is back. Her friends are worried about her, yet they respect that she needs time. 

It hurts her to see the plain turmoil written in Hyunjin’s body. He hasn’t stopped fiddling with his ring since they sat down. He has this extremely irritating habit of licking his lips. The act itself isn’t frustrating, it was the after effects of him complaining about his dry lips and begging for her or Yeji’s chapstick. 

“For what?”

He glances at her before looking forward, his smile sad. “I know him being back is tearing you up inside. And there’s nothing I can do.”

“Hey,” she reaches out and pats his thigh, “You being here is all I need. Well, you and pistachio. The pistachio a little bit more.”

“Shut up,” He laughs, shoving her hand off. Letting the moment pass, he grows serious once more. “I mean it when I say I would do anything to take away your pain. Chris may be my friend, but you’re my number one. I would take your pain and double my own in a heartbeat.”

“Aw, Honey,” reaching over, she ruffles his hair. He secretly loves it, smiling when he swats her hand away again, “Thank you.”

He gives her a short nod before looking off to the side. Never one for appraisal, he avoids the topic. Hyunjin admitted once that compliments were  different when it came from Y/N, something along the lines that he knew she was genuine. The thought always makes her sad, so she shoves it aside.

Poking his cheek affectionately, she waits for him to swat her hand once more before leaning her head on his shoulder. 

Any thought of Chris or her calculus exam fades away in the presence of the one person who always knows the right words to make her feel better. In that position, she falls asleep as easy as it is when she’s in her bed back home.

                                                        ~~~~

Y/N doesn’t know how much time has passed. All she knows is her neck is stiff and her body is aching as someone gently shakes her arm.

“Hey. Hey, Y/N. Wake up.” Her eyes shoot open, flinching upright. Scanning her surroundings, she calms down at the sight of Hyunjin beside her. Looking just as exhausted as her, he is waiting on her to respond.

Rubbing at her neck, she sluggishly leans back on the wall, muttering, “What time is it?”

“It’s 5.”

Her eyes shoot open, gawking at him. Even in his sleepy state, he cracks a smile. “5?! Are you messing with me?”

Fumbling for her phone, she swears as she realizes it’s dead. She stumbles to her feet beelining to her desk. 

“Come on, come on,” She chants as she waits for her computer screen to turn on. Sure enough, he was right. It’s just after 5 AM. “Shit!”

“What time’s your class?”

“9! I barely even studied!”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” He utters, distracted by his sleepiness.

“Um, that’s not how this works. If I don’t know the material, I’m guaranteed a failing grade.”

“Relax. It’s going to be fine.” Hyunjin can barely keep his eyes open. Y/N, on the other hand, is as awake as a cat in the middle of the night.

“I’m going to shower and then study some more before class.” She’s talking more to herself than him, because when she’s in this mode, hardly anyone can snap her out of it.

He hums, clearly not paying attention as she rummages through her dresser for clothes. Straightening out, she regards him for a moment before heaving a sigh. “You can sleep in my bed. Just don’t, I don’t know, pee in your sleep.”

“Thanks,” is all he can muster before he sprawls his body across her bed and passes out the moment his head hits the pillow. 

Without a glance, she heads to her bathroom.

                                                        ~~~~

By the time she’s back, it’s around 10:15. Thankfully, she only had one class. She wants to punch herself, though, because she’s running on fumes and has an essay due at midnight tonight. 

Y/N isn’t expecting Hyunjin to still be knocked out in her bed, pausing in the doorway seeing his figure tucked underneath her comforter.

She hovers at the foot of the bed for a moment, watching him. He’s out cold, so she reaches out and shakes his foot to see if he’d wake up. Narrowing her eyes, she silently starts complaining. Why was he born with the ability to sleep so deeply?

Grumbling, she mutters, “At least we know who’d survive if there was an intruder,” grabbing her only other pillow and lying down in the opposite direction. Looking at him one last time, she yawns, “You’re lucky I don’t kick your ass out,” Before slipping asleep as easy as he must’ve. 

                                                        ~~~~

When her eyes flutter open, she senses someone’s looking at her. Holding her head up, she peers at Hyunjin through one eye before letting her head fall back into her pillow. “What time is it?”

“It’s 5.”

“What?” She screams, scrambling up. Y/N’s already up and off the bed before she realizes he’s laughing. Slowly turning her head toward him, her glare doesn’t deter him, only serves to make him laugh even harder. Lying back down, she slugs him in the leg, his giggles turning to gasps through the pain.

“You’re too easy.”

“Yeah, you would be too if you were still half asleep.” With her eyes still closed, she asks him again for the time.

“It’s 1:30. Boy, can we sleep.” Looking over her shoulder at him, she holds back the urge to laugh at his wild hair saying hello to her. “What?”

“Nothing.” As if he read her mind, he tugs and pulls at the strands, patting his hair down. He knows her mind well. 

She doesn’t say anything as she lets herself wake up, and he gives her time. Eventually, they’re both lying there scrolling through their phones. At least, she thinks they are until she glances at him and sees he’s staring off into space.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” his voice is soft, barely audible. Where’s he at? “I think I’m actually going to head out. I have a late class today. I’m going to grab food and then go home and shower.”

“Oh. Okay.” She’s confused at his sudden change up but doesn’t find it suspicious. That is, until he avoids looking at her as he shrugs on his jacket. Awkwardly, she hovers near him as he gathered himself together. “You sure you’re okay?”

Finally, he looks at her. Something’s off and it’s clear as glass in his face. He smiles it off, his tone too bright as he says, “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go.”

They walk down the stairs in silence, her silence one of questions and his, one that’s indecipherable. They pause at the bottom of the steps, grabbing the attention of Chuu who’s lounging on their living room couch.

“Hey, Chuu. Long time no see,” Hyunjin holds up a hand in saluting. She just politely smiles back. 

Y/N opens the front door, suddenly very afraid Hyunjin might tell her something before he leaves. Holding the door open, she watches him closely, looking for any signs of what he’s thinking. His face is void of any clues. 

She holds her breath in anticipation as he steps around her, before smiling and walking out the door. She exhales in relief, not noticing his lingering walk. Opening her mouth, she readies herself to tell him goodbye. He beats her to the punch as he whirls around.

“Jisung is throwing something this weekend.”

Y/N’s heart sinks, crossing her arms as she retreats within herself. Hyunjin’s face falls, knowing all too well what that looks like. “That’s… great.”

“Y/N…”

“I think it’ll be a lot of fun. You’ll have to tell me all about it afterward.” Her hand grips the door and moves to close it, but Hyunjin’s arm jets out to stop it. Stupid baseball pitcher.

“I want you to be there.”

“Oh yeah?” Y/N winces at her loud and fake voice, glancing at Chuu before stepping outside. Hyunjin’s eyes are pleading, his palms showing as if he’s offering her a truce. That’s the thing. It isn’t his responsibility or his place to offer that to her. 

She doesn’t know if he’s playing dumb or if he thinks he’s some hero, but he isn’t miraculously going to fix the damage done. No one, not even Chris himself, can convince her otherwise.

“Tell me something, Hyunjin. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No…”

“Then do you think I’d really show up to something I know he’ll be at?”

“Well, the party is for him.”

“Don’t be a smartass,” She shakes her head, taking a step back. “If all everyone is going to do is try and push me to make an effort, news flash. It’s too late for that. Maybe that’s what you guys should’ve been doing right before he left.” 

Hyunjin opens his mouth, but she holds up her hand, silencing him. 

“Have fun at the party,” Trying to hide her disappointment in him, Hyunjin’s hurt expression is the last thing she sees before closing the front door. 

Staring at the door, she follows the curves and swirls in the wood, all together but never touching. 

“Are you okay?” Her eyes find Chuu, her wide and innocent eyes regarding her with so much kindness, her own flood with tears.

“I don’t think I am, Chuu.”

❁     ❁     ❁    ❁     ❁     ❁     ❁

Day 8, Then

To Y/N, there wasn’t a form of satisfaction quite as fulfilling as turning in an assignment. It was even more satisfying, considering her major wasn’t the easiest one out there. The way life goes, when one stress disappears, another one takes its place. 

Trying to ignore the boiling pot of emotions brewing inside of her, she kept her mind as blank as it could be as she packed her duffel bag with clothes for the weekend. She used anything that flitted across her mind and snatched onto it, anything to distract her. 

She hoped she did well on the statistics exam she just took yesterday. Studying wasn’t too bad, so she could bear to have a little confidence. Eating lunch with Yeji today was a relief. She thought they might’ve been on bad terms since their last conversation, but everything was normal. 

Hyunjin had kind of been M.I.A, but they had been texting normally so she wasn’t too concerned. 

As she was gathering her toiletries from the bathroom door, she heard keys jingling in the dorm door before it clicked open. Low voices filtered out from the hall as Chuu entered.

“Y/N?” 

“In here!” She finished grabbing everything before walking out, “Aren’t you supposed to be in class-” Just as she finished her sentence, both Chuu and Hyunjin turned to watch her walk out. He took in her presence before his usual honey smile found his lips. “Hey!”

Stepping forward, he did his signature greeting: arms around her, lifting her off the floor, ending with a sweet smile. “Hey.”

“To answer your question, I got out early. Now I can get back to the beautiful Rio and the yummy Profesor. Mmmm,” Chuu said dreamily, Hyunjin’s face scrunching up in confusion while Y/N laughed. 

Walking over to her bed, the sight of her duffel slammed her back down into reality. Avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze, she stuck her toiletries in her bag before zipping it up.

“Are you leaving somewhere?”

“I’m going home for the weekend.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t know,” Hyunjin’s tone changed. That’s why she didn’t want him to know, “How are you getting there?”

“Mom’s picking me up,” Stop. Block it out. Distraction, anything. Turning to Hyunjin, she quickly shifted the subject. “What’s up? You didn’t text me and tell me you were coming over.”

Hyunjin tilted his head, deciding to let her dismissiveness go for the time being. She was thankful. “I figured you were going to be pouring your energy out over some assignment. I was wrong.”

She was supposed to laugh, but she couldn’t find the energy. He noticed, but didn’t press. Instead, he gently knocked his knuckles into her chin, to tell her chin up. It eased her heart, as it always did.

“Actually, I was dropping by to tell you about a little get together we’re having this weekend. Not sure if you remember, but we mentioned our friend Chris? His birthday is in a couple days so next weekend we’re all going to an arcade. There’s this deal they’re doing this month with pizza and endless gameplay.”

She blinked in surprise. He read her mind.

“What? Arcades are fun no matter how old we are. And Chris loves shit like that. It’s going to be a blast.”

“Are you sure he won’t mind me being there? I mean, I’ve never even met him.”

Hyunjin sat on her desk chair, back facing him. Drumming a beat on his thighs, he shook his head, “Trust me, he’s the last person to mind.”

“O-kay,” Y/N turned away, packing her backpack with school stuff she would need for the weekend, “I’ll see. If I don’t have too much homework, I’ll go.”

“Thanks,” A look passed over his face, making her pause, before he uttered, “At least you’re supportive and willing to give my friends a chance. Unlike Yeji.”

She didn’t know what to say. Yeji had actually said something to him. Unbelievable. “Are you two good?”

“I guess.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever. You know how she is.”

“Yeah.” Their silence was a symbol of their mutual understanding. Many people would never be able to fathom the bond the three of them had. Their friendship was a treehouse they had grown and built themselves, no one else had access to the inside.

She jumped when Hyunjin reached around her and shouldered her duffel bag. Searching his eyes, she imagined what he was thinking. Perhaps he was wondering why his cousin was making his life difficult. Y/N wished she had the solution and hoped Yeji would come around- though in all the years they’d known each other, she was as stubborn as a hangnail.

“I’ll walk you down.”

“Okay.”

                                                       ~~~~

The wave of suffocation that washed over her was hard to shake off as she stepped into her childhood home. It was and it always had been her sanctuary. The same living room, the same kitchen, the same dining room table with mismatched chairs from different sets over the years. The same family photos scattered about, the same stains in the carpet. The same love in her heart for her parents. 

Except it would never be the same. 

Right after her high school graduation a few months ago, her parents told her that her dad wasn’t well. It wasn’t a cold, a flu, it wasn’t something he would get over in a month or two. It was something bigger than life itself, one that could command death with the clap of its hands. 

She hated it with every single fiber of her being.

How could one illness dictate the paintings of memories? Now, she didn’t look at family photos of her and her dad and feel joy, only pain for a memory not tainted yet? When she smelled their laundry detergent in the air, she wondered if it would cover up her father’s scent in the unforeseeable future. It was morbid, it was suffocating. 

Her sanctuary became her prison overnight.

“Your dad’s lying down in the room. If you want, you can bring him a snack,” Her mom suggested, Y/N nodding as she swallows the pool ball in her throat. She tried to ignore the paleness to her mother’s skin. Eyes bloodshot, body sluggish from lack of sleep. An alternate reality of the woman she once knew. 

Her mom disappeared into the kitchen as Y/N shakily took off her shoes. This wasn’t the first time she had been home since she moved on campus, but she wasn’t used to the shift in her home. She probably never would be. 

Just as she placed her bags down, her mom reappeared with her dad’s favorite snacks: Ritz crackers and sliced up cheese. In her other hand, a glass of orange juice. 

“Thanks, mom,” Y/N didn’t recognize her own voice. She pretended not to hear the crack. Her mom ignored it, too.

“He’s going to be so happy to see you. All day, he’s been talking about you coming home.”

The words were a smack across the face-no, they were a hand reaching into her chest and breaking her ribs in half. 

Her mind blanked. 

And then she was in front of him. He was physically smaller than who used to be, his face pale and his hair greasy, but his spirit was just as scorching. His eyes were trained out the window, lips pursed in thought. His body might’ve been worn down, but his spirit would always be as bright as a fury.

She fought the urge to cry. Setting the glass down alerted him of her presence. At the sight of that same old smile she knew too well, all of her pain was washed away. 

“Y/N, my girl. You’re home!”

“Hey, dad.”

His hugs were still strong, encasing her and letting her know she was safe.They talked for a bit, her heart swelling as she watched him eat his crackers. He asked her about school, he told her about what he’d been watching on tv these days. They even sidetracked and chatted about the new cars set to release this year. Hardly anyone knew it besides her best friends, but her and her dad shared even the smallest things in common- like their interest in cars. 

When he invited her to watch a movie, she sat beside him on the bed and took a cracker when he offered. He put on some cringe comedy that they both made fun of, which is what really made them laugh.

There wasn’t any true remedy to her stress, to her unhappiness, like being home was. And her dad? Laughter was as natural as breathing when she was with him. Halfway through the movie, her mom joined them. She pretended she was okay just like her mom did, but with her dad cracking jokes it was easier to keep up the facade. 

Once the end credits rolled, her eyes trailed to her dad. His eyes were distant, elsewhere. With one glance, she was reminded of a reality she hated. Noticing her staring, he shook it off and smiled beneath his moustache. 

“Your dinner is in the microwave, Y/N,” Her mom told her. Y/N took that as a chance to breathe, standing up slowly. Right before she made it out the door, her dad called for her.

“Before I forget, here,” He shuffled through his bedside table before finding what he was looking for. Her mouth worked on its own, rejecting what he was clearly doing as he pulled out money from his wallet. The stern hush from him silenced her protests. “I want you to remember to treat yourself. I know how you get when you’re stressed. You don’t give yourself time to breathe. So treat yourself with this money, okay?”

“Dad…”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

                                                       ~~~~

Several hours later, Y/N awoke from her already restless sleep. Her head was throbbing, her eyes puffy and nose runny, so she sluggishly made her way to the bathroom and cleaned herself up before deciding to go get some water. Quietly, she went down the stairs and turned the lights on in the kitchen. 

She didn’t spend that much time in the kitchen, not anymore. Whenever she was home now, she wasn’t very hungry. 

Just as she reached the halfway mark of her glass, her dad’s voice startled her and made her spill the rest all over her shirt. Her shock quickly dissolved into amusement as he tried not to laugh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry,” She side-eyed him as he slowly made his way to the dining table. She knew he would get upset if she offered to help him. “What are you doing awake?”

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?” She asked, dreading the answer but asking nonetheless. 

“The past,” He casually said, his eyes elsewhere once more. “Actually, I was thinking about when you were little.”

Y/N froze with her hands on the banana she had just taken off the bunch. She must’ve looked ridiculous, frozen like that. It was a good thing it was only her and her dad there, then. “Oh yeah?” She needed to get a handle on this. “What were you thinking of, exactly?”

He smiled to himself, then, and as he began to tell her a story, his voice coaxed her into the past.

“You had to have been six or seven, maybe eight. I had gotten off work early and decided to get you out of school early, too. You were so happy, not to see me, but to be out. Back then, you weren’t so wound tight about your studies, you know,” He teased her then, pointing a finger at her, “You wanted to be a grizzly bear when you grew up. Well, that day, when I was buckling you into your carseat you kept on saying, ‘Daddy, I’m so happy you’re here! You’re here! I’m so happy! Thank you, Daddy!’ I mean, I was your hero all because I picked you up early.

“After grabbing lunch, we were walking around the mall. Usually, you asked for candy or if we walked past a toy store, you wanted everything in it. That day was different. We walked past one of those off-brand shoe stores. You set your eyes on the most different pair of shoes I’ve ever seen. I mean, they were bright orange with blue shoelaces! And on each shoe, there was a drawing of a red bear.”

He paused in the story, and she looked away at the sight of his shining eyes. Laughing to himself, he continued. 

“You said, ‘Daddy! That’s me! I’m a bear! Can we get those shoes? Please?’ I pretended to think about my answer, but I knew I was going to get whatever was at the end of the most pure adoration on your face.” Y/N blinked, realizing the story was over. They soaked in the feeling together, the ticking of the clock on the wall the only sound filling the kitchen. Except, it wasn’t the only sound. Even if she didn’t remember what he was talking about, she could picture those shoes as if she still wore them.

“Let’s go to bed, Dad.”

He nodded, both of them looking at each other and wishing they could rewind time. He, for nostalgia. She, to avoid the pain. 

“Come on,” He said, wrapping his arms around her shoulder and kissing the crown of her head, steering her out the kitchen. 

When she made it back to bed, she found it easier to fall asleep. Chest lighter, she seized the opportunity to ignore all of the overwhelming heartache that seeped into her skin whenever she was home. 

> Part One <

> Part Three <

[mariequitecontrarie]

Best Person

Summary: When Ruby delivers a huge vase of red roses to Gold's office, he believes the romantic gesture is meant for Belle--his new fiancée! Little does he know, Regina and David are competing to stand up in the wedding on the groom’s side of the aisle. A/N: Silly shenanigans in the Cufflinks verse. Thanks to @galactic-pirates and @maplesyrupao3 for being wonderful!

On AO3

“Thirteen roses.” Ruby Lucas sailed into his office and plopped a huge vase of flowers smack in the center of his desk. Gold looked up from the presentation notes he was reviewing and frowned. “Miss Lucas, do you mind?” he asked, waving in Belle’s direction. She was perched in one of the guest chairs across from his desk, her head bent over her own set of notes.

Belle raised her chin, her eyes flashing with mirth. “Be nice,” she mouthed, then blew him a kiss. Her fingertips were stained with gloss from her lips and left little pink finger smudges on the papers in her other hand.

A flush crept up his neck while he thought about all the wonderful things that mouth and those hands had done to him last night. “I don’t mind at all.” Ruby was talking again, reminding him she was still watching. “My desk is in the neighborhood.” “Yes, well.” He cleared his throat and flicked his wrist, pointing toward the door again. Maybe she would take the hint and leave. “We’re working.”

Ruby flashed a sly smile. “I don’t remember a presentation slide about weekend plans with Belle and her parents.”

His attention settled on the flowers again—a heavy crystal vase stuffed with plump red roses. Dread began to churn in his stomach. “She has a point, Darach,” Belle said. “What?” Gold could see Belle’s mouth moving but he couldn’t focus.

A more pressing problem than Ruby’s nosiness had presented itself in the form of the vase occupying most of the outer portion of his desk. He leaned forward in his chair to glower at the stunning crimson blooms. They still had dew on them. How disgustingly cliché. He recognized the florist’s tag—the flowers had been ordered from her parents’ shop. He’d bought arrangements there many, many times over the last year. The person who had sent these knew quality. But he hadn’t arranged for flowers to be delivered to Belle today. Had he missed some important date? She wasn’t ill, it wasn’t her birthday, and if she’d been promoted he would have been the first to know. Which left Gold with only one question: who would dare send a romantic arrangement to Belle French? She was engaged. To him. Jealousy curdled in his belly. Granted, he had asked for Belle’s hand only a few weeks ago, but couldn’t they enjoy their engagement for five minutes before he had to fend off applications for replacement suitors? Did people even send wedding objections in the form of flowers? He’d never heard of such a thing, but he wasn’t up on the latest in social non-graces. Later, when Ruby Lucas wasn’t watching his every move like a cat tracking a ball of yarn, he would ask Belle. “Thirteen roses. Really?” Ever curious, Belle leaned forward to stroke one of the blood-red petals. “We all know what that means,” Ruby announced.

Before he could inform them that no, everyone did not know, they were hooting and shouting “secret admirer!” “Someone has quite a crush!” Belle whistled and beamed at him. Belle’s delight was an unpleasant surprise. He didn’t see anything funny or charming about this situation, yet here she was, less than flustered to be receiving a romantic overture three weeks after she’d agreed to be his wife. Perhaps he was oversensitive but her casual attitude stung a bit. And he intended to discuss it with her like an adult—if Ruby ever left the room. He clenched his jaw while he waited, but Ruby was oblivious to his tension. She leaned over the arrangement to inhale the blossoms.

“Mmmm.” Ruby’s face lit in an appreciative smile. “I wonder who sent them.” Belle gnawed her lower lip the way she always did when she was mulling something over and his heart fluttered in spite of himself. “There’s a card.” Ruby pointed out. Belle turned to him before she plucked the small white envelope from amongst the stems. “May I, darling?” “Valentine’s Day is over.” He reclined in his chair with a huff. “But please,” he said, pretending to be magnanimous. “I wouldn’t dream of spoiling your fun.” “Some people celebrate love all the time,” Ruby offered. “Or send arrangements just because. A person doesn’t need an excuse to send flowers.” “Thank you for your observation, Miss Lucas. I’m sure commercial gardeners and florists across the globe appreciate your concern for their economic welfare. Now then, don’t you have some work to do?” He would rather his insecurities over Belle’s secret admirer not be fodder for office gossip. “This weekend when we were all having dinner together I was Ruby. How quickly they forget.” She grinned at Belle like he was a small child who had said something clever. Gold sighed. As a rule, he’d never mixed business and pleasure with anyone except Belle. But Ruby was Belle’s best friend and getting along with her was important. At least he didn’t dislike her. Ruby was sharp, hardworking, and a wonderful support system for Belle. Plus, Regina was always after him to be more sociable with the team no matter how much he resisted. Time and again he’d told her people wanted a leader they could respect, not someone who would take them bowling and host a Jell-O shot contest.

Whatever the hell that was. He coughed. “Don’t you have some work to do, Ruby?” “All caught up, boss. I think you’re going to be very happy with the press turnout for the new juice bar tomorrow.” “Fantastic,” he muttered. Pitching to the media, not subtlety, was Ruby’s area of expertise. The two women leaned over the flowers with an identical, fanatical gleam in their eyes. What was it about females and plant life? Perhaps it was the same as it was with women and shoes—a veritable mystery to the male mind. He busied himself with stacking the papers on his desk and slapped them against the surface with more force than necessary. Belle opened the small white envelope and read the card. “They’re from David Nolan.” She squealed. “How sweet!” “Sweet?” Gold dropped the papers he was holding and stood. He grabbed for his cane, his fingers squeezing reflexively around the handle. In less than a second he had rounded the desk. Belle and Ruby both stared at him with wide eyes, but he had already slid way down the ladder of reason. “What the hell is Nolan doing sending flowers to my fiancée?” he bellowed. “He’s married! You’re engaged.” He’d thought David was his friend. Perhaps not a close friend, but an acquaintance at least. The bastard had crossed a line. No, the line was a million miles behind, back in hell, where he was going to send him. “Darling, stop,” Belle said. She gave his shoulder a loving squeeze. “You’re going to break your fingers.” He slid away from her touch and cursed. “No, I’m going to break his fingers. Or”—he crushed his palm against the head of his cane—“maybe I’ll start with something else first. Something he’ll need if he ever wants to father any children!”

Intent on his prey, he stalked to the office door. But Belle was quicker. She ducked under his arm and stood in the doorway. “Wait. Wait!” She shut the door. “Why should I?” He crossed his arms. She was the one who thought the flowers were sweet. It hurt more than he wanted to admit. “Those flowers aren’t for me, Darach.” Her smile was patient, understanding. “Who the hell are they for then?” “They’re for you, Gold,” Ruby said. “Why do you think I brought them to your office?”

“Hey, Gold! Wait up.” David Nolan chased him down the hallway and fell in step beside him.

He gave the cover of his pocket watch a meaningful glance. He was due in the conference room in five minutes and he abhorred lateness, especially when he was meeting a client.

“You get the flowers?” David asked.

“Yes.”

“Too much?”

“Yes.”

“Shit.” David was walking fast to keep up, a white paper sack swinging between his fingers. “I knew red was the wrong color. “I should have gone with yellow, right? For friendship?”

He didn’t care, especially after the way he’d embarrassed himself this morning in front of Belle and Ruby. But Nolan looked so damned hurt by the brush-off he felt bad. He slowed his pace.

Gold imagined his future father-in-law trimming and watering his beauties in the cooler, one of his deep, rumbling belly laughs frosting the glass. Still, he found it hard to believe Maurice or Colette would commit such a faux pas as sending red roses from a married man to their daughter’s fiancé.

“Who answered the phone at the florist’s?” he asked.

“Anna,” David said, an expression of relief crossing his face. “I think she was new.”

He nodded. “Anna Bjorgman.”

“She didn’t give a last name.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Chattered and giggled so much you agreed to anything she suggested to get her off the line?”

David’s shrug was sheepish. “How’d you know?”

“That’s Anna. I met her at the Frenches’ house last week. She’s their new intern.”

In ten more steps, they were standing in front of the conference room where client James Midas was already waiting. David loomed in the doorway, barring Gold’s entrance. Blocking him from going places was becoming epidemic today. He would accept it from Belle, but not from this lummox.

“We’ve arrived at my destination,” he said, then tapped the floor with his cane, impatient.

“Right. Here.” Nolan thrust the paper bag at his chest.

Gold peeked inside. “It’s a blueberry bagel.”

“Your favorite, right?”

It was, but his breakfast of choice was beside the point. In the past few weeks, Nolan’s behavior had become increasingly strange. “What’s this all about, Nolan? First, you wash my car in the parking lot on your lunch hour, then you send flowers, now you’re following me around and buying me baked goods? This isn’t the way to ask for a raise.”

David huffed. “Why do you always assume anyone who talks to you or does something nice who isn’t Belle wants money?”

What else would they need from him? “Answer my question, Nolan.”

David shoved his hands in his pockets and took them out again. It was a nervous habit he fell back on whenever he was caught off-guard. “I just wondered if you’d given any thought yet to who would be your best man.” He toed the floor with his shoe. “You know, at the wedding.”  

Bewildered, Gold could only stare.

Last night, Belle told him wherever and whenever they tied the knot, Ruby would be her maid of honor. But he hadn’t given any thought to his attendants. Weddings were overpriced, overblown affairs. Whatever Belle wanted he would happily go along with but all he cared about was the honeymoon. Taking Belle on a tour of Europe and making love to her in as many cities as possible, now that was his idea of a party.

“I just proposed...Belle and I…it’s early to make plans,” he said, faltering.

Mary Margaret squeaked by to deliver Midas a mug of coffee, then nudged David on her way back down the corridor. She spoke to her husband out of the corner of her mouth. “Did you ask him yet?”

“Ask me what?” Just then, Midas met his eyes through the glass door and gave a little wave. Gold glanced at his watch again. “I’m late, Nolan. We’ll continue this conversation later…perhaps at a quarter to never.” He muttered the last words under his breath as he strode into the conference room.

“Midas, my apologies for keeping you waiting.” Gold set down the bag with the blueberry bagel to shake hands with one of the firm’s best and longest running clients.

“No trouble.” Midas stroked his golden beard. “Gave me time to think over my campaign, though if I didn’t know your distaste for politics I’d think I have competition in the race.”

Gold stopped nodding midstream. Midas was running for a state Senate position and the firm was assisting with public relations. “Competition?”

“I’d really like something like the billboard of you downtown.” Midas took an experimental sip of coffee.

Gold resisted the urge to loosen his collar. “What billboard?”

“‘What billboard’ he asks. Ha! You old dog!” Midas’ grin could have covered the broad side of a barn. “It’s the huge one in the center of town with your face and the slogan The Magic Man. Nice touch with the company logo. Tasteful design, too. Already offered my compliments to Regina.”

“Aha.” Gold flexed his fingers along the edge of the conference table, pretending for a fleeting moment it was Regina’s neck. “Regina’s talents are…without parallel.” As is her unmitigated gall, he wanted to add. As soon as this meeting was over, he was going to drive to the square and see this monstrosity for himself. Then he would have it torn down with a wrecking ball.

Midas nodded with enthusiasm, seeming to be unaware of the bite in Gold’s words. “If you could put together a plan and design samples featuring something along those lines. Electronic too, if you would. Cost is no object.”

“I’d be delighted.” Gold forced a smile. He would put the pricing together and then he would bludgeon Regina with the enormous vase of red roses occupying half the real estate on his desk.

While Midas continued to share his ideas, a noise in the corridor drew Gold’s attention. The genius in question was standing in the corridor next to David, her swelling voice and wild gestures indicating a heated argument. Regina bared her teeth in a hiss, her hands on her hips.

This was not good. “Would you excuse me a moment, Midas?”

He hurried into the corridor.

“This figures,” Regina was saying, her lip curled in a sneer. “I knew the minute I turned my back you’d pull something like this.” She glared at David then turned to Gold. “Charming as he is, he’s the wrong one for the job. It’s the twenty-first century. Who says the best man has to be an actual man, anyway?”

David crossed his arms. “I was the one who pushed him to go talk to Belle last New Year’s Eve.”

“And I’m the one who hired Belle in the first place!” Regina insisted. “It’s my company. That office of Gold’s they’re always pretending not to have sex in exists because of me. He should choose me to be his best person!”

David snorted. “You always have to be in charge of the party, don’t you, Regina?”

“I am the party!” Regina bellowed.

They continued to bicker and Gold begged the ceiling for patience. This is what came of making a marriage proposal in the workplace—a team of lunatics expecting to be involved in all aspects of the wedding. Was he going to have to clear honeymoon destinations with them, too? Perhaps they wanted to join them on the trip? Why not plan a company cruise while they were at it?

Tonight he would beg Belle to elope and marry him as soon as possible.

But Regina was poking David in the chest and before he whisked Belle to Las Vegas or a justice of the peace, he had to stop these two before they initiated a wrestling match in the middle of the hallway. Belle was so much better at dealing with people—preserving feelings, soothing ruffled feathers, breaking bad news to interfering idiots with such finesse they didn’t even know they’d been handled and shown the door.

He was about to text her for help when his phone buzzed with a message. It was Belle. He scanned the text then pocketed his phone with a weary sigh. “My office. Now.”

He ushered Regina and David inside and slammed his door with a snarl. “For fuck’s sake! This is insane.”

“Cursing is evidence of a lazy mind, Gold.” Regina wagged a finger at him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” he shouted.

They both snapped their mouths shut and stared, two sets of eyes as wide as the blueberry bagel Nolan had given him. The few employees talking outside his door scurried out of sight. A hush blanketed the office and only the mild whirr of the copy machine broke the strained silence.

“Is this a place of business?” he asked them.

“Of course it’s a business,” Regina said. “My business.” She flashed a tight, red-lipped smile and elbowed David in the side. “Mine, mine, mine!” David parroted, rubbing his ribs.

“Very well, Your Majesty.” Gold offered her a mocking bow. “In between the two of you commissioning me new suits, buying Belle shares in a publishing house, and all these other outlandish gestures, can we all agree that my wedding and Belle’s is our business?”

More reluctant nods from Nolan. Regina rolled her eyes, but she allowed a single sharp nod to communicate her understanding.

“Good. Then as we’re running a marketing firm and not a wedding planning service, perhaps interviewing potential groomsmen—” he caught the narrowing of Regina’s eyes—“groomspeople, can wait?”

“Yes,” they grumbled in unison.

He plucked a file from his desk, intent on returning to the meeting with Midas. “Let’s get back to work.”

“It’s just…” Regina trailed off.

Dammit, he’d almost made it to freedom. “What?” He paused with his back to her, his hand hot on the doorknob.

“You’re my oldest friend,” she said softly.

Oh. He released the doorknob and turned to face them.

David was slouched against the edge of his desk, looking like a kicked puppy. “When you asked my advice about Belle at the New Year’s Eve party last year, I thought we’d become friends.”

Nolan had offered the advice unsolicited, but as it had worked in his favor and he’d won the girl, now didn’t seem like the best time to point it out.

Regina and David bowed their heads, reminding him of fighting children who’d been separated on the school playground. And guilt began to dislodge his anger.

He could hear Belle telling him as misguided as their behavior was, it didn’t give him the right to be cruel. Shit. Being in love was turning him into a decent human being.

“The truth is you’re the best person I know,” Regina said. “All I want…” David cut her off with a meaningful cough. “All we want,” Regina amended, “is for you to be happy.”

David’s grin was boyish. “That’s it exactly.”

All at once, the ridiculous billboard, the extravagant gifts, and all the attention they were paying him began to make sense. They were trying to be his friend.  

Fresh out of snappy retorts, he sucked on the inside of his cheek. Until Belle had opened her heart and offered him her love, no one had cared about his happiness. Suddenly, friendships were more than an abstract concept in his world, something he could sneer at and pretend he didn’t need. It seemed he had friends of his own, rather than people who accepted him because he was Belle’s tagalong. It was a bit overwhelming.

David looked to be moving in for a hug. Oh, dear God, he needed to leave before he hugged him back or burst into tears.

“We’ll discuss this later.” He threw the promise over his shoulder and bolted for the door. One small olive branch was the best he could do.

“So we can expect a decision about your best person by the end of the day, then?” Regina called to his retreating back.

He grunted as he rounded the corner and scuttled toward the conference room, reclaiming his chair at the table.

“Say, Gold,” Midas said. “Heard from David Nolan you’re getting married. Congratulations! Regina’s baking the wedding cake?”

Idiots. He smothered a smile. Something had to be done if he wanted even a moment’s peace. There was nothing for it, he supposed.

He would ask them both to be in the wedding.

###

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits