#n ppl using my pronouns irt me makes me feel so pandered to and pitied n like everyone is pretending to see me the way i want to be seen
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hmrph
#feeling sooooo fucking dysphoric rn#like usually im fine like yk somethings bother me a lil but rn im just like. near tears over the fact that i dont look like a guy n that#like i mean im not ready to be out until i can start t bc call it problematic but i dont want to be out pre everything like i feel like#that would just make my dysphoria worse yk#cuz like im not even like A MAN i just. wish i had a dick LMAO#like oh to be masc presenting amab nonbinary......fuckin HATE IT HERE LMAO#everything sucks and is awful forever and i need everything in my life to change#i just. want a beard. not even a good one i want a shitty puberty mustache. i want to be three years down the line after everyone in my#life is over it. i just. ugh i feel awful. n i keep looking at tiktoks and videos n whatnot from guys who have what i want to have n its#like making me feel worse but also its like oh phew dw itll be good in just 127 days until i can go to planned parenthood and sort my shit#out. but like. tf am i supposed to do in the meantine#meantime.#classes end in may graduation is in june can you imagine if i just roll up a month on t. hot#idek how im gonna tell my parents let alone the rest of my family. like my family including my extended family means the absolute world to#me n its gonna change everything. and then im gonna go to college and have to deal with that???#being around cis men makes me want to throw up. n what abt the kid i babysit and his parents? what about my jobs? ughhhh i fucking hate it!#and i dont like how i look rn!! n like. i could tough it out i could do womanhood even though it makes me itchy but like. i cant do that#i really cant. idk i just feel really shitty#n ppl using my pronouns irt me makes me feel so pandered to and pitied n like everyone is pretending to see me the way i want to be seen#fuck offffff i hate everything
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