#n her not being able to stop herself from yummy food

[bqnnabreado]

Got caught getting those late night munchies

[sensivs]

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : ryomen sukuna x m! reader x mahoraga

꒰ঌ ໒꒱ : mmmmmm yummy yummy mahoraga cock yummy in my tummy

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ - dead dove do not eat: dub - con , mahoragas big juicy meaty cock , megkuna testing out divine general smth smth mahoraga before his and gojos fight , mentions of the reader being similar to sukuna (not being able to die unless his vessel dies) , MAJOR BELLY DISTORTION , mentions of blood and guts , gore basically but in written form , pushy sukuna , sukuna ‘s a cuck lmao , mindbreak

— this fic is mainly for my male audience, but fem readers r free to read as well <3

“yuck , your new host makes you look emo” y/n spat out, cocking his hip to the side with his arms crossed along his chest. Such a comment made sukuna stop mid bite on his food, his eyes carefully scanned y/n’s body up and down, “and who might you be?”.

“quit the act sukuna you know it’s me” once again, sukuna eyed the man closely, trying to see any familiar features, but nothing clicked in his head. “I don��t know you, now run along brat I’ve got important business to take care of” sukuna scowled, he turned his attention back to his final finger, consuming it in one bite.

y/n gritted his teeth, “quit acting like you’re so high and mighty! you do remember me! so stop acting like you don’t!” Sukuna began to grow pissed, the whining coming from the mouth of this random started to press on all of sukuna’s buttons.

“look here brat, if another word comes out of your mouth im going to fucking—” the imaginary dots inside sukuna’s head slowly began to connect to one another, whiny.. rude.. insufferable.. could this possibly be..? “y/n?”

y/n smirked, “finally! some of your fried brain cells seem to be working” sukuna let out a chuckle, “oh my god, it’s been so long!” sukuna stood up from where he was previously sitting.

sukuna made his way towards y/n, his eyes solely focused upon his face. “my goodness, look at your glow up!” ryomen exclaimed “happily”, y/n’s eye twitched, “woww thanks a lot sukuna”. Ryomen saw how much his comment irked the man, which made the cocky smirk on his lips grow even larger.

“what’s new hm? i saw your wife cooking for you in the kitchen, her cooking smells really good” ryomen perked up, “wife? I don’t have a wife?” y/n giggled, “that’s what I thought! you’re not husband material at all, so how’d you get her hm?” sukuna grumbled, “well, she’s not my wife, she’s my chef.. or servant.. whatever she wants to call herself”

“ohh? the great sukuna letting a mere human choose what they are? the times are really changing aren’t they?” with that, y/n snickered at his own words. “not funny” sukuna said as he crossed his arms across his chest.

“so, you got any new.. hm.. techniques with this new body of yours?” Y/n ran his finger through the middle crevice of sukuna’s pecs while resting his other hand on sukuna’s shoulder. “matter of a fact, I did. ever since I took over megumi’s body, i’ve been able to gain the ten shadows technique”

sukuna gloated on the fact that he was smart enough to obtain such a cursed technique, “sounds fun, want to tell me what the ten shadows have to offer?” y/n traced over ryomen’s tattoos, taking in how soft they felt against such youthful skin.

sukuna hesitated, not because he didn’t wanted to talk about the ten shadows technique, but more because he thought he would look like a dork by talking about it. “Well.. there’s nue..”

y/n hummed as he listened to sukuna’s rambles, who knew such a malevolent and violent being such as ryomen sukuna would be such a nerd about a random cursed technique?

sukuna ended his ramble with mahoraga’s abilities, telling y/n about how mahoraga could adapt to 9 different attacks. but the man didn’t care, his focus was only on sukuna’s supple skin and how defined his body had become the last time he saw him.

“i’ve only really seen mahoraga’s abilities once, during shibuya, he surely was.. something” once sukuna had laid eyes on the divine general, he knew he had to have him. And gaining the power of mahoraga became his first mission.

“now that i have him, and since you’re here, i want to show him off to you” y/n gasped dramatically, “oh my! my dearest sukuna is showing off his precious mahoraga to me? what an honor!”

instead of being pissy at y/n’s sarcasm, sukuna just rolled his eyes and chuckled. ryomen ordered y/n to stand back a bit and to “feast his eyes on a once in a lifetime chance to see such a creature”.

“with this treasure i summon..” and just like that, a massive hand reached out from the hole summoned from the ground, then its ring appeared, along with its head and the rest of its torso. After his torso reveal, was its bottom half, two big pair of muscular legs made their way out of the large, dark ditch.

“holy shit.. he’s huge” y/n gawked at the size of mahoraga, he topped over him over a dozen times! “i know right? an absolute unit” sukuna walked over beside y/n, admiring such a sight, “you don’t say..”.

“do you really want to see how much of a unit he is?” sukuna’s lips curled up into a sinister grin, “how?! i can already tell how much of a tank this guy is!” y/n expressed great shock towards mahoraga, pointing out how muscular the being was.

“well, you haven’t seen all of him, yknow?” sukuna snaked his arms across y/n’s shoulders, bringing him closer, y/n turned his gaze to ryomen, “I don’t get what you’re hinting..” sukuna cocked a brow, “you suree?”

y/n shrugged his shoulders with a confused expression on his face, sukuna chuckled as he retrieved his arm back and began to walk towards mahoraga. sukuna pulled mahoraga’s cloth away from his crotch, revealing an inhumanly large cock, it was white down to the base but the tip was colored a pretty pink color.

y/n jumped, a pink flush covering his cheeks, “sukuna! how.. how big exactly is that thing?!” ryomen shrugged, “about a couple inches” y/n was at a lost for words, as the sheer size of the cock in front of him was astronomical. Sukuna pulled on y/n’s arm, dragging him close enough to where he was standing right in front of mahoraga’s cock.

“go on, touch it” sukuna purred into y/n’s ear, “what?! I-I—!” sukuna placed a finger on the man’s lips, “go ahead, I know you want to do it”. ryomen got y/n there, but it wasn’t his fault! with a cock that big, how could you not try to aspect it more precisely?

y/n gulped down his fear and reached out towards the shaft in front of him, the tips of his fingers graced along the base of mahoraga’s cock. It was surprisingly soft, a couple ridges caused by its pulsing veins littered here and there. “move down more would you?”

y/n followed sukuna’s command, almost as if he was under a spell, his fingers dragged along down towards the pretty pink tip mahoraga had. even with such a small touch, mahoraga’s cock twitched ever so slightly.

y/n caressed the tip, taking in how heavy it felt in his hand. If it was possible, the blush on y/n’s deepened, making his face a deeper shade of red. mahoraga’s tip leaked pre-cum, pearls of it dripped from its slit down to the ground.

“he seems to be getting excited, how about you help him with that?” sukuna’s steamy voice slithered into y/n’s ear canal, plaguing his thoughts. ryomen placed both of his hands on either side of y/n’s forearms, guiding him to put both of his hands on the base of mahoraga’s cock.

slowly, y/n jerked off the shaft in front of him with the help of sukuna. “good, you’re doing so well y/n” y/n shivered, ryomen’s praise always got him hot and bothered. “i’ll leave you to it, alright?” y/n let out a shakey and small hum as he felt the warmth of sukuna’s hands leave his forearms.

but, y/n still did what he was asked of, and that was to keep stroking mahoraga, who was now letting out animalistic breathes. As y/n continued to stroke mahoraga, he realized how big he had already gotten. The size of its cock was now way bigger than it was before and was glistening with smeared pre-cum.

“how about you take a taste as well?” sukuna laid his head on the shoulder of y/n, taking in the sweet musk that vaguely stuck onto his neck and collarbone. ryomen placed his hands over y/n’s, guiding them to cup the bottom of mahoraga’s tip and to lift it up enough to where the slit aligned perfectly with his mouth.

y/n hesitated, looking at the tip in front of him and then at sukuna’s shit-eating grin. “I don’t—” “think it’ll fit? don’t worry, you don’t have to take all of it inside” ryomen provided false hope to y/n, knowing he’d always take his word.

ryomen grew impatient with seconds passing by, “just take it in already” y/n whimpered, “but it’s gonna hur—!” sukuna scoffed, “since when has that ever mattered? I know hundreds of curses you’ve taken in, but it seems their size doesn’t matter now?”

y/n pouted, “but this is different!! this thing isn’t a curse! it’s a shikgami!! and there’s no way in taking him inside me in any way!” the man then tried to take a step back, but was stopped when he realized sukuna was not budging. “sukuna.. there’s no way im willingly going to take him inside me…”

ryomen’s frown deepened, “whatever” he took a step back from y/n. giving him enough space to not be uncomfortably pressed against mahoraga’s cock, “since your not willingly going to take him in, i guess im going to have to make you do it the hard way.”

as y/n’s mind was processing sukuna’s words, ryomen had already gave mahoraga the ‘go ahead’ to pick y/n up from where he stood. He squirmed and struggled against the shikgami’s large hands but it seemed nothing fazed it. “sukuna! tell your shikgami to let go of me!!”

puffy tears threatened to spill from y/n’s bottom eyelids as he watched for any possible expression other than smugness on sukuna’s face, but there was nothing. the tears began to flow as y/n realized what was next to come, and with a snap of a finger. y/n felt as if he was being split into two.

mahoraga’s tip probed at the entrance y/n’s puckered hole, “his tip seems a bit cold don’t you think? why don’t you let him inside so that he can warm up, hm?” sukuna snickered, finding himself humorous. “t-this isn’t funny ryomen!! please! tell him to—!” a sudden moan shoved its way out of y/n’s throat and into the air.

such a tip could easily rip a normal human into two, but y/n wasn’t no human, he had “borrowed” his vessel from a random high-school. his vessel was just some plain boy that was stupid enough to release y/n from the binding he had been cursed to.

y/n felt mahoraga’s tip force it’s way into his tight walls, begs and pleads of being released poured out of y/n’s mouth like a waterfall. but it seemed that sukuna was purposely ignoring his pleads just to get a rise out out of him.

y/n’s begs were then plagued by both loud and strained moans, drowning out the pleads that had no effect whatsoever. he wanted to hate how easily mahoraga’s tip touched his prostate, but he couldn’t bring himself to, as the feeling of pleasure was too overwhelming.

mahoraga continued to force himself inside, but y/n’s gummy walls were clamped shut around his tip. making mahoraga resort into one trick up his sleeve.

he pulled out the entirety of his tip from y/n’s hole, making him let out a submissive whimper. y/n thought that this was the end of his punishment, but he was far from right.. as mahoraga shoved his way back inside.

y/n felt both his stomach and liver touch each other, as if to give one another a kiss. his head flew back as he let out a gut wrenching scream, he sobbed out for sukuna, who was now rubbing himself to such a sight in front of him.

“p-pull out! nghh— pull out you monster!!” y/n screamed at the top of his lungs, trying to get the shikgami to react in any way, but there was nothing. none of y/n’s attempts had worked, could this possibly be the rest of his life?

y/n sobbed at the thought of being skewered on mahorgaga’s cock for the rest of his life like a shish kebab, “p-please.. let me go.. i can’t.. take—“ and once again, y/n was interrupted mid-sentence.

mahoraga had no time for y/n’s pleads, he was summoned only to breed and fuck and there was no way he would pass up such an opportunity for another hundred years of inactivity. his thrusts were harsh and brutal, mahoraga’s thighs slapped against the supple skin of y/n, there was no doubt that y/n would wake up the next day with bruises on his arms and thighs.

y/n felt as mahoraga’s cock painfully slid in and out of his hole, against his own thoughts, y/n looked down to see how much damage was being inflicted to his once untouched and youthful skin.

his eye twitched as he watched the outline of the massive cock thrust in and out of him, and for some reason, he found it extremely hot. what was happening to him? these weren’t his thoughts! this isn’t something he’d say in a million years!

could it be? that his mind was finally turning into nothing mush? could this be the punishment he deserved for being a slut? no, he didn’t want to become dependent on some shikgami’s cock just for pleasure!!

y/n felt as his brain melted into the walls of his skull, infusing with the hard bone that protected his once intelligent mind. “i-i.. I can’t.. no.. I don’t wanna.. I don’t wanna stay on this cock for any longer!”

it felt as if he was on a carousel that wouldn’t stop even if he begged the conductor to stop, his eyesight began to fuzz and he began to become dizzy. but through all of this, all his mind could think about was the cock thrusting inside him, and the fact that sukuna was watching him become a cock-sleeve to his shikgami.

y/n was then ripped out of his daze as he heard the disgusting sound of two wet items rubbing against one another, and then his torso became cold and numb. he looked down once again to see his insides outside of his body.

he let out a bloodcurdling scream as he watched his stomach smushed up against his liver, “oh, whoopsies! guess he went a little bit too hard, huh?” even though his friend’s intestines were out in the open, sukuna couldn’t help but chuckle.

“sukuna! i-it hurts! tell your shikgami to stop! please!” even though y/n knew his plead would be ignored once again, it wouldn’t hurt but try to get sukuna to help, right? “you’re doing fine! you’re still talking to me right? you can survive a couple more hours”.

y/n was about to yell at sukuna again, but he felt mahoraga begin to move again, mixing up his organs and misplacing them. his larger intestine was wrapped around mahoraga’s cock like a scarf and his smaller one was uncomfortably smushed against his stomach.

y/n hated the sight, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of mahoraga’s cock, who was still plowing through his insides even through the blood and pre-cum. he tried hanging onto consciousness for as long as he could, but he began to slip, and soon everything went black.

[awesomerextyphoon]

Realm Discoveries While Hangry

Summary: Ife's not herself while hangry, especially on a mission. Luckily, this one worked out for the best.

Pairing: Slight Steve Rogers x Black!Alien Warrior Princess OFC Ifekerenma aka Ife

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Ifekerenma, Nick Fury, OFCs, mentions of Tony Stark and Bruce Banner

Rating: 18 + / Mature

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: Dark Comedy Bordering on Absurdity, Ife being a Badass Glutton, Some Violence, Some Fluff

A/N: This is the start of something a little different. I want to make some short stories that will tie back into the main series whenever I'm between chapters. I'm still working on the main series and the next chapter will be published before the end of 2023. Thanks to @firefly-graphics for the dividers!

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

What was with these supposed 'geniuses' always wanting to rule the world?

The amount of hubris one needed to go through with it never ceased to amaze Natasha. This week's version wanted revenge on the science community for calling him 'stupid' and 'crazy' over his theories on creating titan fauna and megaflora.

Someone, please shoot me.

If Nat had a dollar each time she heard some version of the 'Why I must hold the world hostage' speech, she'd be able to bribe Tony to let her control the music for mission trips.

Steve wished they would drop the speeches already. He just hoped Ife was almost done with the power cells so they could drop the charade and go home.

"Now! Watch as I claim what's rightfully mine!" the mad scientist finally finished his speech by pressing the detonation button, but nothing happened.

" What's happening? Why isn't working?!"He pressed the button another three times to no effect, "Why aren't the missiles firing?!"

The mad scientist was about to radio his henchmen outside of the main chamber when he heard bullets pouring like rain outside the hangar followed by frantic shouts from his men.

"SOMEONE STOP HER!!"

"NOTHING'S WORKING!!"

"GET THE TANKS!!"

"FIRE AT WILL!!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE?!!"

"SHE'S AN ABOMINATION!!"

"What on Earth is going on out there?" He wondered as he carefully made his way to the entrance, only for a downright beastly roar frightening nearly everyone into silence.

"What the" A soft knock at the hangar doors broke his concentration.

Ife was pissed.

She FINALLY had some decent food after not getting a chance to refuel after expending her energy reserves from her last mission, but it was barely a morsel. It took no time to devour all of the titan fauna the henchmen unleashed on her, unaware those were inferior albeit still tasty versions of food from her homeworld. She even found some yummy megaflora.

It was a bummer Ife was famished. She would've prepared them better to bring out their flavors.

Another tank shell bounced off of her.

When will these fools learn that this is pointless? Conventional Earth weapons are nothing to her. Well, at least the energy from their artillery aided with digestion. Also, the power cells were tasty; they had a refreshing tropical fruity taste with notes of mint.

Now the scientist refused to open up, even after she knocked, "Guess I'll have to let myself in."

The scientist tried his best to steel himself, only for the two-meter thick air hangar doors and part of the solid stone walls to rip off like cheap wrapping paper.

His eyes almost bugged out of their sockets at the intruder — a tall woman — casually lifting both doors in one hand and a 250-ton tank in the other. The woman turned to two tied-up Avengers, smiled, and threw both items 1500 meters away with a flick of her wrists.

"Hi, Captain, Black Widow. How's it going?"

"Can't complain," Steve answered.

"Why haven't you escaped yet? It would've taken you two seconds to get out," Ife queried rubbing her growling tummy. Her telltale sign of hunger.

"We were waiting for you," Nat retorted while raising an eyebrow.

This will be fun.

"What happened to your comms link?"

"Well…I was preoccupied."

"With what?"

The woman's eyes brightened, "I found some yummy food not unlike Avlenia, but they barely did anything for me. I ate everything the goons unleashed and then some, but I'm still hungry! Which sucks cuz I wasn't able to properly prepare them-"

That can't be right.

That chamber housed hundreds of exotic beasts and flora with a combined weight of 312.5 THOUSAND TONS!! There was no way a single person could eat one of those behemoths, let alone all of them.

"MONSTER!!"

"Huh?" Ife finally noticed the scientist and his remaining goons.

"Do you have any more? I'm STARVING!"

"No one should eat one of those beasts, let alone all of them!"

Ife raised an annoyed eyebrow. "Maybe not possible for humans, but, "she strolled towards the scientist and started unzipping her combat suit, "that was only a snack for me, and it left me hungry for more."

The scientist cried out in horror when a belly 3x the size of an exercise ball surged forth.

How is she moving?! His eyes darted over to her comrades but found them lightly chuckling with the spy sporting a smirk.

"So, do you have any more food? Don't leave me in suspense."

The monster rolled her eyes at the rude man's silence, "So you still don't believe me. Okay. Let's see. One of the beasts was this large six-legged alligator…"

She started listing the various beasts and megaflora that were now digesting in her rapidly shrinking belly.

Galala Gator: 90 tons each, Ox Chicken: 15 tons each, Giant Turkey: 75 tons each, Volcano Weathercock: 10 tons each, Five-Tailed Giant Eagle: 45 tons each, Demon Devil Serpent:100 tons each, Elephantsaurus: 125 tons each, and so on.

Every 'food item' this monster blithely listed horrified everyone besides her teammates who were trying not to laugh. Each of these specimens took elite teams to capture; several men died in the process.

Yet this Eldritch Being glutted all of their hard-won gains as a 'pitiful snack'!

"How? How is this possible?" The devastated scientist barely choked out a whisper as her enormous belly was nearly flat.

Unfortunately, the monster's sharp ears heard the whisper, "All of those delicious beasts, flora, and the energy from the power cells barely made a dent! Tell me where you got this bounty! I'm Starving!"

As if to make her point, the monster turned her head towards the hole she made and let out a near-deafening roar of a belch demolishing what was left of the wall and pushing back all of the remaining men and tanks outside.

What is this monstrosity?!

"Shit!" Not only did the wimp not answer Ife's question, but now he's slumped on the floor.

"He's out cold, Ife."

"I can see that, Nat. All I wanted was some more food!"

"Some?"

"Fine. But you know he didn't make them from scratch. He had to have gotten from somewhere."

Some of the stronger-nerved goons were able to recover from Ife's Roar, "Damn, that woman's scary!"

"Nah, man. She's a monster in human skin."

"Which is a shame, too. She's fucking hot!"

"I know, right?! Wouldn't mind going a few rounds with her."

Steve scowled as he marched up to six of the trash-talking goons inside one of the still intact tanks, ripped off the tank's hatch, and yanked four of them by their collars."I'm only gonna say this once. Never, and I mean never, say that crap about my team. Especially the 'abomination', got it?" his voice never rising above a calm, measured tone.

"Yes!"

Steve felt he needed to drive this home, "Yes, what?"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Good."

Nat rolled her eyes at Ife's bashful body posture at Steve defending her. They weren't fooling anyone.

Ife was able to pick up the scent of more delectable beasts and flew off to satisfy her voracious appetite. The scent came from a fortified bunker not far from the main base. She ripped off the building by the foundation in her haste to fill her hunger void.

It led her to a heavily fortified manmade cavern with a huge portal at the opposite end of the entrance and containment units housing even more of the delectable beasts lining the sides.

She licked her lips in excitement but stopped when she got a good look at the animals. That craven of a scientist is lucky she's too hungry to revisit him.

"I should probably tell Nat and Steve."

Nat peered into the last unlocked containment unit. She found a giant garden snake-like creature that seemed to take a liking to her. Its scales were the color of twilight at its height. She wondered if-

"You should name her."

Nat nearly swiveled her head, "What?"

"She likes you. You should name her."

"How can you tell?"

"I just know," Ife shrugged.

"Hmm. How about сумерки (Sumerki: twilight)?"

The snake affectionately rubbed her head against the reinforced glass containment wall.

"See? She loves it!"

Sumerki was the last beast on this side of the portal and was about to pass through but turned and playfully poked Ife's midsection.

"You want me to come with you?" The snake nodded.

Ife turned back to Steve and Nat, "Umm, can I-" her stomach roared asking the question for her.

"It's alright, Ife. You can go, but don't be long." Steve rubbed his hand behind his head. Neither of them wanted to deal with a hangry Ife.

Ife flew into his warm embrace, "Thank you so much!" She kissed both his cheeks, "I promise to document everything I see!"

When will those lovable dorks admit they love each other?

It wasn't long before Ife and Sumerki came back smiling and sporting enormous food bellies. Ife sped off before she could say anything. The next thing they heard was a five-minute sonic roar of a belch causing mini-tremors and cracks forming on the ground.

Sounds of her epic belch were heard 15km away.

They were glad that the scientist was stationed in the middle of nowhere.

Ife flew back into Steve's arms, "Thanks again!" Ife smiled as Steve returned the hug.

Both Natasha and Sumerki shook their heads wearing the same expression.

Ife pulled out her tablet and personal interface, "Okay, so my hunch was right and this place is incredibly vast. I was only able to explore .25% of the place."

Even Natasha was taken aback by the amount of information Ife had, "Just how big is this place?"

"So this new 'realm' is called Guloxity?"

Fury turned the last page of Ife's extensive report. He had a laugh at her devouring over 300K tons of food and was still famished.

The whole team had a laugh riot. Tony even joked about how much he'd save on grocery bills—even though she provides most of her food. It's the least he could do since he blackmailed her into joining the team.

Thanks to her, SHIELD has access to a new realm. Plus the snake she and Natasha befriended has been a delight. However, he did wonder how Ife and her friends were able to create a habitat and a size modulator so quickly.

"Do you find the terms agreeable?" Aliza looked back at Fury's desk. The deal stipulates that any findings and all findings SHIELD makes involving the new realm must be free and open to the public. This means that all patents and research can not be owned by any single nation or corporation including Stark Industries.

Banner had consoled Stark when he read out the terms.

No matter. Fury had his best people on this new venture. Even managed to rope in Banner and Dr. Cho. Ife was able to recreate the unique energy signature from the mad scientist's power cells as a source of renewable energy.

In the end, he was glad it worked out.

Now what's this about Ife showcasing new dishes based on what she found in Guloxity?

Taglist: @jobean12-blog @lookiamtrying @angrythingstarlight @gotnofucks @saiyanprincessswanie @navybrat817 @plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms @idorkish @sgt-seabass

[theoceantot]

Chapter 5

(TW! Sanemi being mean, autistic breakdowns, use of r slur)

The day finally came when Y/n had to meet the other hashira and decide if she was a threat or not. Shinobu, Mitsuri, and Giyu knew she wouldn't harm anyone but it didn't stop them from worrying about your safety. You've been getting closer to Mitsuri and Giyu. She would often style your hair and give you yummy snacks and then Giyu would let you play with his hair and let your wear his harori. The biting didn't stop though.

At all

Everyone in the estate has been bit at least once. They didn't hurt the majority of the time but every once in awhile it would draw a bit of blood. Which would make you have a meltdown. Shinobu once lightly scolded you for biting her too hard and not understanding if she was really mad at you caused a crying fit for 20 minutes.

Mitsuri wanted you to look really cute in front of everyone so she picked your outfit and did your hair just like hers.

"Eeeeekkkkk! You're the cutest"

Y/n giggled and reached her arms out to be picked up. Mitsuri held you in the air and spun you around making you laugh loudly. Shinobu watches from the crack in the door smiling to herself. This is the first time she's ever seen you be this happy. Mitsuri carried you out of the room not noticing Shinobu becasue she's too focused on how cute you're being (And that you're trying to put your braids in your mouth)

By the time they got there all the pillars were there with the master. Giyu was getting yelled at by Obanai and Sanemi for 'not killing you when they had the chance'

He just kinda took it not wanting to fight with them and knowing that you weren't dangerous in the slightest. None of the hashira knew anything personal about you or what you looked like. They were expecting this savage demon with razor sharp teeth and claws that looked like they were bound to attack any minute. So imagine the suprise when they see you. 4'7 with an adorable dress on holding the cat plushie Mitsuri got for you closely to your chest.

"What in the fuck" Sanemi grumbled in disbelief.

Shinobu softly chuckled and tried bringing you closer to all of them for a proper introduction but you firmly stood your ground starting to direct eye contact to everywhere but what was in front of you.

Too many people

And they did NOT like you

Well, you weren't for sure about all of them but the white haired man and the guy with the snake looked at you with such hatred that it genuinely terrified you.

"N-no"

No? That was something you rarely ever said. You almost ALWAYS listened to your mama and her friends. And if you didn't it's because you couldn't fully grasp what she was telling you. Shinobu didn't get mad tho like you expected her too for not listening

"Shes not good with new people especially ones that look like they wanna hurt her" Shinobu softly glared at Obanai and Sanemi.

Mitsuri looked at Obanai with disappointment which caused him to look away. Sanemi was a different story though.

"You really expect me to be all goody goody with a demon?! After all they've done to us why would you willingly take one in knowing that it's gonna end up killing you and others in your estate! Shes just trying to manipulate you with this innocent act so she can try to take us out! Let me kill that freak and save us all time!"

Freak?

That was something whe heard all too much of growing up. Going to school nobody including her parents understood why she never made eye contact, didn't like most the food, or threw tantrums when the routine was changed. They called her a "weirdo" "r*tard" 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤.

That word hurt the most out of any insult or punch she'd get. All you did was stare at the ground with wide eyes trying not to cry. All the memories started flooding back in her mind. It took everything in Giyu not to kick his ass right there. Shinobu was shaking in anger hardly able to form a smile and Mitsuri quickly ran to you trying to embrace you but you screamed and pushed her away with force. Enough to where she almost fell.

No touching. Not now.

Everything was too much.

Your eyes turned purple a terrified look in your eyes as you ran towards the forest behind everyone. It was dawn and close to being dark. There's no way you can fight off demons on your own.

"Y/N WAIT! PLEASE COME BACK!" Mitsuri yelled after you.

Giyu wasted no time after running after you. Mitsuri dragged Obanai along, and Shinobu kicked Sanemi in the shin making him fall in pain.

"You know it's not a good idea to piss off the woman who takes care of all your injuries. Maybe one day I'll slip up and make a big mistake" Shinobu threatened and cut him lightly on his back.

He hated to admit it but she did have a point.

If he was gonna stay on good terms with Shinobu then he would at least TRY to get along with you. Sanemi let out a "tsk" and followed Shinobu to look with you along with Tengen and Rengoku. Muichiro already forgot what was happening.

Now back to you in the woods. Due to the flashbacks and trauma that was shed to light again you regressed very young where you can't talk or even walk. You've never been regressed this young before and it frightened you a lot. The world felt so big and it seemed like everything and everyone was out to get you. Huddling against a tree and flapping your hands aggressively you crying louder.

This wasn't good as it was not night time and demons were out hunting. Thankfully some of the Hashira with good hearing (aka Tengen) was able to hear and easily locate you. When he got there he didn't know what to do in the situation. You were hitting your head against a tree drawing some blood and crying to the point you were choking.

Obviously you didn't wanna be touched so that was out. What about singing or humming a melody? He's heard some autistic people comfort themselves with music. Worth a try. Tengen started humming a simple tune. Not too loud but loud enough for you to be able to hear it slowly taking your attention away from hurting your head that was still bleeding.

After a few minutes your cries turned into sniffles as you looked up at Tengen with such fascination. Slowly your eyes started to close just wanting to sleep and replenish your energy. Tengen asked if he could pick you up and you just quietly babbled back letting him carry you in his strong arms.

Before you fell asleep he gasped in suprise almost dropping you. Out of love you bit him. Tengen didn't know if he had to be ready to attack becasue well you're a demon but you fell asleep slowly after that.

He sent his crow out to tell everyone she was found and safe with some minor injuries. Tengen waited at the butterfly estate with you being cradled in his arms. Every now and then you'd start whining and moving around but all he had to do was start humming again and you'd calm down.

Mitsuri, Obanai, Shinobu, and Giyu got back in the estate shortly after and ran around looking for Tengen until they found him sitting in your rocking chair. The girls had to hold back laughs as you started biting his arm as you slept.

Shinobu grabbed a purple paci from a draw and put it in your mouth. Much to Tengens relief. He put you in your crib and carefully tucked you under the covers.

They all exited the room and sighed in relief just relieved you were safe.

"I don't know how to thank you Tengen" Shinobu thanked

"I'll definitely think of something" He said and looked to the side like there was more on his mind.

"What is it?" Obanai questioned.

"Its just that she shouldn't have been able to walk out at dawn without getting at least a bit burnt. And the way I found her. She was banging her head against a tree and sobbing like she was dying. I know she's a demon but I can't help feeling a bit of remorse for her"

"I included her being to walk in the sun in the letter. So how did you not know?" Shinobu questioned

"The master said the letter was you saying that you had a demon in your care and the rest was colored over with purple crayon so we didn't know what it said" Obanai explained.

Now she remembered

She left the letter on her desk when you were coloring in her office.

What a little trouble maker

[bakugohoex]

“it’s why i love you”

pairing: atsumu miya x gender neutral reader

cw: language, angst, jealous atsumu, crying, season 4 spoilers, fluff and kissing

word count: 3600+

a/n: @horseanon--simpforall for helping me decide an ending this is the fluff ending i planned so i hope everybody enjoys it

summary: in which you and atsumu progress through the years of your relationship with atsumu realising just how important you are to him after the loss at nationals

↞ back to haikyu!! masterlist

Atsumu Miya hated his brother, it wasn’t an avid hatred of enemies, it was a hatred that stemmed from jealousy. He didn’t know when his jealousy of Osamu came from, but he knows the many occasions where he had wanted to run away and leave his twin behind. It wasn’t till he was 6 when his memories came flooding in of how much he hated his brother.

October 5th was a day both he and his brother had celebrated unanimously, even with it only being their 6th birthday it was a special occasion for the twins. Their bright smiles and fondness of one another is what had marked both of them inviting their whole class to a gathering at their house.

Streamers and balloons cascaded throughout the living room as their parents had bought two separate cakes just for the occasion. Both having fought over which one they were getting, it was supposed to be a happy day, supposed to be their day that was shared with all of their friends.

Atsumu realised the reality of it as their friends cascaded through the door, the two boys smiling as they waited for the happy birthdays to come from their classes mouth. The sound of Osamu’s singular name as gifts got passed to the more reserved twin, Atsumu’s face faltering as he watched his alleged friends hug and talk to Osamu without a care for the other boy.

He wouldn’t have lied and say it wasn’t the first time he had cried over a feeling of invisibility, how the people both he and Osamu had invited had disregarded the boy. Osamu looked over to his twin seeing him always walking away outside, about to go to him but being stopped by his friends he shook his head knowing Atsumu would get over it.

It wasn’t till he realised you, you who was walking behind Atsumu with a cheery smile, following the boy with your sweet smile. “Atsumu, happy birthday,” you spoke cheerily as the boy turned around, tears always welling in his eyes as he watched you push the gift up to his face. “I got both you and Osamu a gift, I already gave him his, here’s yours.”

“I…” Atsumu could barely speak with the tears in his eyes, he had expected the birthday to be a let down after being forgotten on the day. Watching over Osamu's friends, they weren’t his, they looked through him as if he was a ghost.

But you, with that bright smile and glistening eyes, pushing the wrapped present towards him, “I got you both different things, my mum said I shouldn’t tell you that though.”

You laughed heartily as he took the gift in his hands, the only gift from his class and it had come from you, a girl he barely knew but had invited out of courtesy, “thank yer, I ‘ant wait to open it.”

“Come on, let's go play,” you put your hand out as he looked at it hesitantly, before taking your soft fingers. A burst of childish excitement came from between you both as he placed the gift with his mother, she had noticed it herself, needing to talk to Osamu after the party about what had happened.

But the happiness she saw on her son, the way his eyes had a different shine as you both went to play with other toys his family had gotten him, made her heart burst. “The cake you have looks really yummy, Atsumu,” he crashes his car into the one you were playing with as you giggle softly, crashing your car back at his.

Atsumu had many memories of the times he had been chosen second to his brother, but in all of them it seemed like you had always brought a smile on his face. It wasn’t like as a child he was annoying, it was just his personality never meshed with anybody’s other than yours. It’s why when he started Volleyball with Osamu it had been hard to mesh with others.

His constant complaining as he lied across your bed as you flicked through the movies you both were going to watch together became a constant occurrence throughout the years. He was always glad you had never forgotten him on his birthday, now spending all of them with you, you had always gotten the twins different presents which had always fuelled the child’s ego.

“The team still hates ma,” Atsumu spoke as he grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl that was between your crossed legs.

“That’s not something to be proud of,” you said already knowing how the team felt about Atsumu due to being a manager of the junior high team, “you just gotta be nice, Atsumu.”

“’am nice.”

“You’re nice to me and that’s only rarely, learn how to work with others, not everybody is gonna be amazing from the get-go, Atsumu.” You and Atsumu often spent time together, Osamu being easily able to make friends on the team whereas Atsumu was often seen as the one who pushed people to their limits.

It wasn’t like his words weren’t a consistent occurrence, throughout his Junior High, the boy kept at it, people often wondering how you had coped with him for so long. It wasn’t till the three of you joined Inarazaki that his hunger to play volleyball became more prevalent and his love for you remaining the same.

The many fights that occurred between the two boys had been often observed by the team, Suna encouraging it as Aran stayed on the sidelines. The call of your name as you rushed into the gym to pull the two boys apart, shouting at both of them for being idiots as you gave a scowl that would haunt them till their deaths.

It was at this moment, Atsumu realised how much you cared for him…but how much you cared for Osamu as well.

He sat in your room, his hair being an issue that you had consistently provoked him about as he thought about his feelings for you. He had a week before he was leaving for the All-Japan Youth, he remembered how fucking happy you had been smiling at him as he got told he was attending. A new type of happiness you had felt for the boy.

You had really stuck with him for all these years, the way that you had become manager of a disastrous team who was now going nationals. You walked into your room seeing Atsumu at your desk staring at the photos upon photos you had with everybody. One that caught his eye being at his 6th birthday, the day he had found his person.

“I still think your hair needs some of that purple shampoo,” you spoke as you chucked the pillow at him.

“Yer mean toner yer idiot,” he mumbled as his concentration was on the other photos you had. One of you and Osamu at the twins 17th a couple months ago, it made him feel almost sick at the look of it but going against being a cunt for a day he moved towards you.

You went over to him, standing in front of him as he was forced to look at your chest and hips in your school uniform, “what do you want for dinner? My parents went out tonight, we can go to yours or we can go out, maybe invite Osam…”

“No.” He was quick in his response as you shook your head in confusion, “we should get take ‘way.”

“Oh okay, we can ask Osamu and Suna if they wanna come round as well,” Atsumu didn’t think you saw his shift in mood at the mention of his twins name, why you were bringing his name so much up, he didn’t know.

“They ‘er busy,” he lied as you were looking through some food that you both could order.

You hummed as you went to get your phone, Atsumu didn’t realise how even though he had classed you as his best friend. The person that Osamu couldn’t have as his own, you were still friends with his twin, you still saw him everyday, it was something Atsumu couldn’t change, he just needed to handle it.

But as he stared at your wall of pictures, a week after leaving you with his twin, maybe you’d forget him or see Osamu to be so much better than he was. He heard you call his name from downstairs as he went down the steps overthinking about all the occurrences that could occur.

Atsumu had left you a week after, waving a goodbye as he took the train to Tokyo, agitated and frustrated at himself. He shouldn’t be jealous of you being friends with Osamu, it wasn’t like he liked you or anything. Of course he didn’t, you were his best friend, his person, the person he wanted to be with forever…as friends though.

The hellish week came to an end in which it felt like it had been a month without you, he wanted to meet you just before Friday practice had ended. That’s all he had wanted to do, hug you, hold you, it wasn’t like he didn’t think or text you the entire week.

Even with Nationals coming up in a week you replied quickly to the boy, calling him when he was free, but the unnerving feeling Atsumu had felt the entire week had become prevalent as he jogged out of the train. Running throughout the city as he reached the school, it wasn’t too late, and practice would be long around this time of the year.

He just wanted to see you, it was a different feeling but almost similar, the same hunger and want he had when playing volleyball was clearly prevalent as he went towards the gym doors. The sound of your chuckle as you spoke to his twin, “he’s coming back ‘ommorow.”

“Yeah I can’t wait to see him, I missed him a lot,” Osamu almost gagged at your words.

“I ‘ad peace the entire week, now it’s ruine’,” you playfully elbow his side as he shakes his head at your antics, “people wonde’ how yer friends with him.”

“He’s my best friend duh, there's no reason, he’s just there for me,” you smile as Kita comes towards you asking about something.

Atsumu had stayed where the doors were, listening in as he was scared to open the doors, you would never replace him, you had shown it yourself. As he stepped through the doors, his bag was still on his shoulder as the team turned to meet him. “Idiot, I would’ve come and met you,” you smiled happily as you walked towards him.

Your arms opened as he took them, hugging you tightly as he hid his face in your hair, “A hear’d yer were missing ma.”

“Oh shut it, I would never miss your piss head,” you chuckled as he went towards the team, going through the people he met at All Japan, significant people he had managed to piss off by the seams of it.

Atsumu kept an arm lazily around your shoulder the entire time he spoke, almost clinging onto you as you listened in happily. “So yer basically annoying everybody and not just us,” Osamu mumbled as he looked hungry from practice.

You chuckled as you agreed with Osamu’s words, “we should get food, we only have a week till nationals…” the boys looked disgruntled at your words until you continued, “...it's on me.”

“Then of course Y/n, you’re a sugar mommy,” Suna spoke as you rolled your eyes.

Atsumu watched you and the boys begin to gather your stuff, the big coat your mother had bought you a year ago across you as winter had come quickly.

As the team walked together, Atsumu’s arm stayed closer to yours as you both walked ahead, “did you miss me then?”

You looked up at the tall figure, his ears freezing as he remained silent on your comment, you nudged him lightly before hearing him, “I did, yer my…my best friend.”

“Well you’re my best friend as well, idiot,” you chuckle as you all went into the ramen store, the boys picking overly expensive toppings leaving you penniless at the end, “you all owe me.”

They laughed as they began to eat. You had sat beside Osamu as Atsumu was speaking to Aran about something. Osamu stuffing his face with the food as you rolled your eyes, “I’m not paying for seconds Osamu.”

“’re yer callin’ ma fat,” you chuckled as he continued to slurp at the food. Atsumu watched your interactions with his brother, he had learnt from his week away, learnt from his words that you both were best friends. That his brother who didn’t realise himself could take you away from him.

It was what Atsumu was going to live by, because he knew staring and watching as you got some of the Ramen up your nose that you were his person. It was what remained with him throughout the week, throughout the first game and into the second game of nationals.

With seeing you with the coach, the cheering that quietened down when his serve occurred, that even though his fans found him attractive but a cunt. You saw the real him, you saw through his perfect sets, and perfect serves, the real him.

The winner of everything you believed in, you had only become manager to control the twins, but maybe more of you wanted to spend time with Atsumu, watching do the thing he loved. But seeing who he really was, seeing how tense he was as you passed the bottles of water and towels, talking to the team to help lift their spirits.

Giving a reassuring look to Atsumu, maybe that’s why you teared up when the sound of the whistle was blown. Why even through the cheer team, Atsumu's eyes were felt with fury for not playing at his best, for not winning, for not being able to play in a real game for another couple of months.

Maybe that was why the pain of losing had been worse for him, maybe it's why seeing you hug his brother after losing had made him lash out at you, as you came up to him.

Atsumu’s teary eyes at the loss of the second match, the loss for the upperclassman as you tried to put your hand on his shoulder. He shrugged you away as you looked at him softly, “you did amazing Atsumu.”

“Stop it, a don’t fuckin’ need yer ta say that okay Y/n?”

You nodded softly as you sat beside him, as he leaned against the wall, “there wasn’t anything you could’ve done to win.”

“Y/n, just leave, please,” he hated himself, hated having you see him as weak.

“At…”

He grabbed your wrist, fury running through him as he spoke coldly, “leave Y/n, I don’t need this right now.”

He let go as he faced away from you, you looked down at him, leaving him to his own thoughts. Atsumu didn’t want you to truly leave, he wanted to cry, hug you, just feel you play with his hair as he sobbed. That’s all he wanted, but as you walked away going back to the team, patting Osamu and Suna on the shoulder, he felt jealous of them.

Felt jealous of Osamu for being able to profess his feelings so clearly, being able to be something he wasn’t. The train ride back to Hyoga was silent as the team remained quiet. You sat beside Kita who happily spoke about how proud he was and how he had high hopes for everybody. It was nice to hear but all you could think about was Atsumu and the growing jealousy and anger he was feeling.

It was late when the team arrived back home, the gym being open as you all piled out into the court, they all sat down as the coach had called out to come outside to have a word about how to lift morale to make the team feel as if the loss wasn’t their fault.

Atsumu had taken your departure as an opportunity to release his anger however, the way he did was directed towards his brother. Osamu, irritated by his brother's own insolence, talked about a topic many in the team had chosen to avoid.

“Yer can’t always blame yer issues on us, even Y/n knows that today wasn’t yer…” at the sound of your name Atsumu was ready to pounce to hurt his brother.

“Don’t yer ever talk about ‘er!”

“Or what?” Osamu threatened as he knew that speaking about you would lead to a different type of anger to fill through Atsumu.

Atsumu glared at his brother, “don’t fuckin’ talk about ‘er”

“Just because yer ‘ave a crush on ‘er, yer should ask ‘er what people say about yer and ‘er” It was common knowledge within the team that you were the one who faced the criticism the most by those in school. That a loss would be deflected onto you as you would not allow any of the team to be put down by people who meant nothing.

It was worse that the team knew the harsh words you had felt regarding Atsumu, about your relationship with the boy and how you could do better than him and he deserved someone exactly like him.

It was a secret that was supposed to stay hidden to protect the team but most already knew and it seemed worse to even bring it up. Kita was ready to calm the situation until Atsumu went to throw a punch at his brother.

At the sound of another fight, you looked at the coach who gestured for you to sort it out. Running into the gym you saw Suna taking videos of the fight as you grabbed a hold of Atsumu’s jacket collar, dragging him to stop as you glared at the two boys. “Who started this?”

You waited patiently as Suna snickered out Atsumu’s name, “let’s all start heading home, Atsumu stay down.”

He didn’t comment, instead staying on the ground as you went to Osamu telling him to tell his parents that Atsumu was with you. The man left as you went back over to Atsumu, “let’s talk about this.”

You sat down on the dirty gym floor, looking at the boy who looked in even more pain than before, “what���what do people say about us?”

“What do…”

“We all know, tell ma,” Atsumu looked away as he tried to hide the defeat and embarrassment he was feeling.

You knew what he meant from the single comment, looking down as you grabbed his hands softly

You knew what he meant from the single comment, looking down as you grabbed his hands softly, “I’m guessing you know that a lot of what your fans say comes through me,” he nods slowly, “a lot of hate I guess comes to you when you’re uncooperative”

You give a loud sharp breath as he finally looks up to meet your soft eyes, “do you remember when we first met?”

“Yeah…”

“I heard about the classes plan after you and Osamu had given the invites out, how they only wanted to go for Osamu and not give you a gift, I didn’t really understand why people were mean, but I just wanted you not to feel alone, i’ve never wanted you to feel like that again. So I took the heat, I took all the heat, and it became more to do with our relationship”

He tilted his head in confusion as he moved closer to you, knees touching as you touched his face softly, “they used to ask me why we were friends? That Osamu was the better twin and that Osamu, and I would be perfect together, that you were a dick and didn’t deserve friendship because you were always craving a win”

“Y/n…” his voice was soft, but you continued.

“I didn’t see it like that, I saw it as passion, you were and always will be my best friend, the twin i’d always want because you’re just passionate and it’s why I love you.”

His eyes shot wide as he heard your last words, the three words you had often spoken comically and to show the love of a friend. But as you tenderly touched his face, held him softly as he looked into your eyes, “yer should’ve told ma.”

“How could I let you take all that on? I see you playing professionally one day, I'm going to be the one to say that’s my best friend, that’s the man I fell in love with doing what he’s amazing at.”

“I love yer too,” he didn’t know what got into him as he heard the words, your glistening eyes as he held your cheek and captured your lips. He knelt up as he held your face in his hands, kissing you softly, all the jealousy, love, and anxiety he had been feeling had all fallen into place.

His soft lips against your own, tongue flicking inside as he glided across your own tongue, soft moans coming from your lips as even though he had lost the game today. He had won you; he had finally gotten what he had wanted, the jealousy and rage he had felt for his brother for having everything Atsumu had wanted. Had festered down to this, because Atsumu Miya had you and nobody was ever going to take that away from him  

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[ladyscarlettwrites]

hi i have to get my wisdom teeth removed soon >.< so i was wondering if you could do the turks + rufus taking care of their s/o after they get their wisdom teeth removed?

A/N: So sorry this is late and if it already happened I hope the removal went well! I had mine taken out too, I looked like a chipmunk when it swelled! Didn’t help that I already have chubby cheeks 😂

Reno:

He would absolutely take care of you

But he would also joke around

Especially if you’re high from the laughing gas they gave you for the removal

If you’re the type of person that wouldn’t get mad if he recorded you then he will definitely do it 😂

One; to show you and two; to keep it if he thinks you were acting so cute so he can watch it while he’s at work

”Mah fwace ‘s so swowen, Weno!” Y/N giggles as she looks at herself in the mirror as Reno records you.

“That’s because you just had your teeth removed, yo!”

Y/N gasps and looks back at the mirror and touches her teeth frantically. Reno laughs and hugs her from behind with his free arm while he continues to record them.

“Calm down, I’m not talking about those! I’m talking about your wisdom teeth!” Y/N smiles and turns around to hug him.

“I wuv you!”

“I love you too, but now let’s go and make Rude make us some yummy soup!”

“Yay!”

Rude:

Where do I even start with this man

He will take the entire day off to be there for you 🥺

If it’s possible then he’ll be sitting right next to you and hold your hand while the dentist pulls out your wisdom teeth

He’ll also be ready with an ice pack for when you’re done with your procedure to help keep the swelling down

I’m a firm believer that this man can cook anything

He’ll make you either a delicious soup or a broth of your liking

Y/N pouts as she sits down on the bed as she holds two ice packs on her face. Rude opens the door and walks in with a bowl of soup.

“Here’s your bowl of soup, Y/N. I hope it’ll be okay for you.”

Y/N smiles as she sets the ice packs on her nightstand. “Of cworse I’ll wike it!”

Rude smiles softly as he sets the tray in front of her and sits on the other side of her and eats with her.

“S’anks Wude...!”

Rude chuckles softly and leans down and kisses the top of her head. “Anything for you, my love.”

Tseng:

He’s the leader of the Turks so he probably won’t be able to take the day off to go with you

Can’t blame him since he’s a very busy man working for Rufus

Also can’t trust that Reno will do his work properly if he’s gone

But the moment he’s free he’ll be there to help take care of you

He’ll make sure that you’re taking your medicine to help with the swelling

If he can cook then he’ll make you food that you’re allowed to eat

But if he can’t cook then he’ll have Rude make you something since he knows you like his cooking

Y/N sighs as she sits alone in the living room and flips through the tv channels without really paying attention to what’s on. It was getting really late at night and Tseng wasn’t home yet.

After an hour later Y/N sighs again and turns off the tv as she gets up and heads to bed. At the same time Tseng walks through the front door with a container of food.

“Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to take so long. Reno messed up a report and I had to force him to fix it.” He says as he sets down the food on the table.

Y/N walks over to him and wraps her arms around him. Tseng smiles softly and wraps his arms around her and kisses her forehead.

“Did you take your medicine already?” Y/N nods her head. “Are you hungry?” Y/N shakes her head. “Do you want me to lay down with you?” He chuckles softly when she nods her head as she tries to lead him to their bed.

“Hold on, love. You go on and head to bed first while I put the food away.” Y/N pouts but listens to him.

After Tseng puts the food away he goes to the room and changes out of his suit before getting into bed and pulling her close.

“Thank you.” She whispers as he gently runs his fingers through her hair to help her fall asleep.

Rufus:

Like Tseng, he is also a very, very busy man

But that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t do anything about it

He’ll make sure that you have the best dentist there is

He’ll also send Darkstar with you to keep you company in his place

Darkstar adores you so Rufus will know that he’ll make sure the dentist does his job properly so that your procedure go smoothly

He’ll also have his personal chef make you whatever you desire (that you’re allowed to eat)

He isn’t really the PDA type but once you two are alone he’ll be very affectionate

But he’ll have to share you with Darkstar because he’s a big baby who loves to sleep either near your feet or on your lap

Rufus leads Y/N to bed after their dinner.

“If I wake up tomorrow with swollen cheeks, I’ll have to hide in this room forever...!”

Rufus chuckles softly as he kisses cheek gently, “Darling, stop being over dramatic. You’ll still be the best looking woman in my eye.”

Y/N rolls her eyes but can’t hide the blush she has, “You’re only saying that because I’m your wife...”

“No, I’m saying that because it’s the truth. Now let’s get some sleep.” He says as he pulls her close to his chest.

Darkstar whimpers from the foot of the bed. Rufus rolls his eyes as Y/N laughs softly.

“Come here, my big baby...! Sleep next to mommy...!” Y/N coos as Darkstar quickly jumps onto the bed and snuggles next to her.

“He’s not a baby, Darling.”

“He will always be my baby until you finally decide to give me one.”

Rufus raises an eyebrow at that before smirking, “Oh? Well maybe I’ll give you one once we have the privacy that we need to make one.”

Y/N blushes deeply as she looks up at him, “R-Really?!”

Rufus smiles softly, “Yes I am. But not right now. We can start once you heal from the stitches in your mouth.”

Y/N smiles and cuddles closer to him, much to the dismay of Darkstar.

[buckyownsmylife]

v e l o c i t y - chapter i

The one where John’s your true mate, but he doesn’t want you to be his.

In a universe where fate grants you a new mate whenever you lose yours, John has lived quite comfortably for many years with the knowledge that he was alone after Mary. That all comes crumbling down the second that he meets you. How could the universe choose someone so young to be his omega?

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist. It’s being constantly updated

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I could see Bobby moving around from the corner of my eyes, but I felt too tired to even just stop focusing on the bottle of beer I was holding between my hands. People were all around us - actually, exclusively men, but I didn’t really know them and didn’t really care to introduce myself.

A feeling of loneliness had covered me, like a blanket I wasn’t too sure I would be able to push aside. Because the truth was, I was alone. Now that my dad was gone, I had no one to really count on.

Just then, I felt someone squeezing my shoulder and I forced myself to smile, because I knew I was being unfair. I knew Bobby would never leave me alone, not when he was my godfather and had always cared so deeply for me. But that didn’t make any of this any less hard.

Breathing deeply, I forced myself to get up from the couch and stretch my muscles before deciding to escape through the back door just so I could get a bit of fresh air out on the porch. Too many alphas in a single house and any unmated omega like myself would start to get crazy, even when we didn’t necessarily have any reason to feel threatened. So I stood there for a bit, looking out into the plain field, just pondering about what the future would hold for me until I heard a commotion coming from inside. 

Curious, I walked back into the living room just in time to see three men being warmly welcomed by the hunter community that had gathered in Bobby’s house tonight. I vaguely recognized the one who seemed to be the oldest, but his back was turned to me and so I could only really take notice of a well-used black jacket, until a strong whiff of men’s cologne took over me and I felt like I was about to faint. What the hell was going on? My insides were hurting and I thought I was going to melt, so I held myself in a tight embrace in the hopes of keeping myself together when Bobby noticed me and while he tried to move me closer to the newcomers, probably intending to introduce me to them, the smell grew stronger and stronger until I was quite literally salivating to the arome.

Bobby extended his arm to get the familiar man’s attention and I immediately stretched mine to wrap around his wrist, in need of support. “Bobby, I don’t feel so well.” I knew his head whipped to look at me but at the same time, the man turned around and the last thing I remember before fainting was looking at eyes the color of honey.

It was already morning when I came to be. The sunlight softly penetrated the thin curtains on Bobby’s guest bedroom I was already familiar with and by the sight of it, I had been quite unceremoniously dropped over the still made bed, still wearing the same clothes from last night. That much was expected, not only since there wasn’t a single female in the house and I highly doubted Bobby would have let anyone see me naked, but also since yesterday's reunion had a purpose. The hunters gathered in my godfather’s house had a strict timeline to follow, if they wanted to get rid of the vampires that had murdered my father.

So I didn’t think much about it, opting to get in the shower and wash away the sadness and confusion over yesterday’s events. I still wasn’t sure about what had happened - I certainly hadn’t ever fainted before -, but I supposed the heaviness of what I was going through had caught up to me. I hadn’t really been feeding myself properly either, I suddenly remembered. Yeah. That must have been it.

So I put on a yellow sundress that was my mother’s in the hopes that its color would cheer me up and prepared myself to get some breakfast, because by now I felt like my insides were clawing at me, begging me to get something to fill the hole inside of me. As soon as I closed the door to the room I was sleeping in, that smell hit me again. The same one that had threatened to suffocate me last night. What the fuck was going on? How did this perfume open up my already animalistic appetite?

By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was certain I was wearing a scowl on my face, something I had never once before sported.

“Sweetheart…” Turning to my right, I found Bobby staring at me with a deep frown.

John’s P.O.V.

I watched Bobby try to get a hold of her from afar, and a small part of me felt smug about the fact that he feared what I would do if he touched what was mine. Then I remembered I didn’t care about this girl and made sure the best scowl I had was plastered on my face for when she looked at me.

It didn’t help that she smelled so… yummy. I wanted to eat her up whole. Still, I knew I couldn’t. Shouldn’t. Didn’t really want to - I forced myself to remember.

Fuck.

It had been too long since I’d had to deal with a mate and I forgot how strong the urge to bond can be. It didn’t help that this time I had two kids older than my omega trying not to laugh at me from behind their mugs.

“Stop that.” I slapped the back of Dean’s head, effectively making him spill a bit of coffee over his shirt, which in turn made me grin. Now we’re talking.

When my attention focused back on the girl and Bobby, they were a bit closer to each other, only on the other side of the living room, and they were talking in low voices. Suddenly, her eyes met mine and I felt it rise in me again, the need to pounce over there and dominate her.

But then she focused back on Bobby and I was left confused.

He was obviously explaining to her what had happened and that we were mates, so why didn’t she seem bothered by it? In fact, she looked as far from it as possible. If her expression was anything to go by, she was… bored?

Before long, they approached us again, and I was expecting her to throw herself at me or at least to acknowledge me as her mate in any way. That’s what I was prepared for. I knew what I was going to say to let her down as gently as possible. But what actually happened is that she went around the table and directly into the kitchen, turning on the stove.

“How about eggs and bacon for breakfast? Does anyone want some?” I swear I could hear fucking crickets singing outside, despite the fact that it was early morning. Was she really going to completely ignore me? “Hello? Eggs, bacon, answer me or you won’t be fed.” My boys jumped to action at the threat and I tried to make sense of what was happening while forcing myself to ignore just how cute she looked with her head tilted and a hand on her hip.

She cooked in silence then, not even granting me a look. I was beyond surprised by now. What the hell was I supposed to do about this?

As the plate of breakfast was laid in front of us, she took her seat next to Bobby, which just so happened to be to my left, but even then, she didn’t even glance at me, opting to munch on her food quietly. I took notice of the fact that she had a healthy appetite, instead of being one of those girls who tried to diet for the sake of impressing men, but my mind was still all over the place. 

“Aren’t you going to say anything to me?” The minute the words escaped my mouth, whatever conversation my boys had been trying to maintain with Bobby immediately died down. Still, she didn’t look at me. The little girl had the nerve to seem unfazed by my presence and my question, even my irritation. She didn’t even raise her eyes to meet mine when she responded.

“Why should I?” The question caught me off guard, and the silence that followed revealed it to her. When no one intervened to break the ice, she chanced a glance up, her beautiful bright eyes meeting mine, and she sighed, at last dropping her cutlery before straightening up to talk to me. 

“I’m sorry if that came off rude, but the truth is… It’s very clear that you have absolutely no interest on me as an Alpha, and since it is your responsibility to take care of me, even if it was to let me down gently, I don’t see why I’m the one who has to take your feelings into consideration and pay you the attention you didn’t grant me.” 

God fucking damnit. She was already the most interesting woman I’d met in a very long time, and when I say a very long time, I mean way before she was born, when my wife - my first true mate - was still alive.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

John looked at a loss for words, and I took that as an indication that I could continue my meal without further idiotic demands. ��Would you pass me the coffee, please?” I asked, pointing in the direction of the thermos, my eyes focused on my eggs. Dean reached out and poured some in my mug, which granted him a grateful smile.

“It’s huh… It’s very good coffee. Bobby tells me you’re the one who taught him how to make it like this.” That made me chuckle, and I chanced an amused glance to my godfather.

“Strong, you mean? Yeah, it’s the only way I know how to drink it.” Another uncomfortable silence. My absolute most hated thing. I quickly swallowed whatever food was left in my plate before pushing my chair away from the counter. “I have some stuff to do in the backyard… Leave the plates in the sink and I’ll clean them up when I get back. It was nice meeting you.” I nodded in their direction, stopping only to give a quick kiss on Bobby’s forehead, and left without another word or glance. 

I was only able to breathe again when the back door was closed behind me and I was already a few good feet from the house. Fuck. Suddenly, I felt the urge to cry, and I knew that despite the distress I had been put under the last few days, it wasn’t only the death of my father or the refusal from my mate that was making me sad. It was those stupid omega hormones, trying to force me to go back there and beg for a forgiveness I didn’t really want. 

Stupid fucking nature. I was stronger than that. I had to be. Even I had enough pride to stop me from throwing myself at the feet of someone who doesn’t want me. 

I tried to distract myself from whatever the hell could be going on inside the house while taking care of the few things I could do outside of it. Granted, there wasn’t much. But anything was better than being stuck in that place, having to smell that mixture of gunpowder, scotch and cinnamon that made my head twirl. Fucking John Winchester and that delicious musk of his. I didn’t fucking need him.

It was with that thought that I popped open the hood of one of the cars Bobby and I had been working on, trying to focus on something other than my stupid body and its stupid wishes. After a few minutes of actually forcing myself to do so, I was finally able to zone out of my real-life drama and get lost in the world of carburetors and grease.

“Have you figured out what’s the problem with the engine?” The familiar voice brought a smile to my face, despite all of my current circumstances, and I found myself whipping around to stare at the boy towering over me. 

“Jess!” The young beta smiled at me, always as excited to see me as I was. He’d been living near Bobby for years now, and I’d watched him grow up throughout my visits to my godfather. Now, despite being a year younger than me, he stood five inches taller, towering over my figure whenever he stood near.

“Hey there! Visitors?” He nodded towards the Impala, and I gave him a tight-lipped smile. 

“Something like that. Bobby had some… friends over last night, and those are the only ones left. They’re supposed to be leaving soon enough, though.” I returned my attention to the car’s motor but the lack of sound from my usually chipper companion made me raise my gaze up to him once more. “What?” I inquired, inadvertently already smiling as I waited for his question.

“Do you hate them or what?” Chuckling, I crouched to search for one of my tools before going back to work on the engine.

“Why the question?” I didn’t really mind answering it, I was always just curious about how Jess’ mind worked. I wanted to know if I had any major tells. As someone who had seen me practically every day for the last month, could he see that I’d met my mate? Had that encounter changed me somehow?

“You don’t seem very happy to talk about them. And you’re usually excited about everything and everyone.” The idea he had of me made me snort. I tended to be someone who saw the brighter side of life, that was true, but after my father’s death, I didn’t really think I’d been able to keep up that appearance. Guess I was wrong.

“I suppose you’re right.” That’s all I said, sending a quick smile his way before returning to the task at hand. Jess helped, giving me the tools I needed when I asked for them, and I absentmindedly listened to him babble about his last year of highschool as I kept my focus on my manual work.

It was one of the reasons why I liked to help Bobby so much. When I was fixing a car, even if it was just a simple job, my mind was occupied with something else entirely. It was like my own form of meditation, only a bit dirtier.

I was almost able to forget about John Winchester and his stupid scent. Almost. If it weren’t for the periodical cramps that I tried to ignore in order not to alert my company - I definitely didn’t want to talk about it with Jess - I supposed I would have been able to forget about the Winchester men before they disappeared from my life forever.

That was, of course, until they left the house and gathered in the Impala, catching the attention of my very hyper friend. “Oh, wow. Those are Bobby’s friends? I can smell them even from here.

A very unattractive snort escaped me, and it caught Jess’ attention. “Tell me about it.”

“Oh, did they try to disturb you?” I had to smile to myself at how cute he sounded, so defensive for me. 

“Not really. I’m just glad that they’re gone.” And with one last look over my shoulder, just in time to watch John back up the Impala and leave, I added, “I hope I’ll never have to see them again.”

Chapter ii ➡

[houseof-harry]

Love You Too | G.D.

Part 4 of Hate You Too!

A/N - Surprise!!!!! I know I haven’t been active at all, and I’m sorry for that but here’s the final part of hyt!!!!! She’s here, she’s ready (if you missed pt 3 click here), and I hope you enjoy! Lmk thoughts!

Word Count - 10k (jinkers)

Warnings - a good ole pull at the heart strings, that’s it!

You couldn’t remember the last time you were this nervous. Sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach kind of nervous. You did your best to relax your face and smile in the mirror while you put the finishing touches of your makeup on, but it didn’t take long for the crease between your eyebrows to return with a matching pout.

“You gotta chill out, girl,” Kacey reminds you from her spot on your bed, where she sits watching you get ready.

“I know,” you sigh.

You lean back in your chair to examine your final look. If you were being honest, you actually looked really good. You kept your hair down, your face framed by the pieces closest to your hairline. Your makeup looked pretty as well, and you’re shocked you were able to steady your hand enough to not get your mascara on your eyelids, but you somehow pulled it off. You were even a fan of your outfit. The white flare jeans accentuated your body, the sheer pink long sleeve shirt on your top popping more from your glowing skin.

You stood and turned to Kacey, raising your brow and holding your hands out as if you were presenting yourself. “How do I look?”

She looks up from her phone, her mouth falling open as she finally sees the completed look.

“Y/N…”

You watch her eyes go from your face all the way down, slowly coming back up to meet your gaze again. You give her a sheepish smile.

“I’m sad I’m not the one going on a date with you.”

You laugh, shaking your head as you loosen up a bit. “Yeah, whatever.”

“No, I’m serious,” she defends herself, standing up to follow you out of your room and into the living room once you grab your shoes. “You literally look stunning. He’s gonna cum on sight.”

Your jaw drops as a breathy chuckle leaves your body. You turn to face her, walking backwards until you’re almost up against the front door. “He better not, I’m fucking hungry.”

Before Kacey can respond, your phone is buzzing. You both give each other a look, before you lift it to see a text from Grayson waiting for you.

here

You swallow thickly, turning your phone off and putting the shoes down beside your feet. “It’s go time.”

Kacey nods, kneeling down to help secure your heels on your feet. “You’re gonna have a great time. It’s Grayson Dolan bringing you to eat yummy ass food. There’s literally nothing that could go wrong, not with everything you’ve already been through together. You guys both deserve this, it’s gonna be a night to remember. This might even be classified as the best first date in history.” She stands when she finishes her pep talk, brushing her thighs off before clapping her hands with a wide smile. “Ready?”

“No,” you whine, getting your bag and double checking you have everything. “My heart won’t fucking calm down.”

She grabs your arms so that you’re forced to look at her. “You have everything you need. There’s nothing else you have to do right now besides walk out that door and enjoy a fabulous evening with your mans. Three deep breaths,” she prompts, and you follow her lead. She takes in three big deep breaths, and you let the air fill up your lungs as you watch her chest rise. You release each breath along with her, some of the tension finally leaving your body. It helps a bit, and you can feel the blood stop pumping through your ears so loudly.

You give her a small smile. “You’re right. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

She nods. “E and I are gonna have a beach day, I’ll text you when we head out for you guys to join if you want.”

You bite your lip, the thought of you and Grayson going to hang out with them stirring up even more nerves inside of you. Hell, this was the first time you guys would be out in public together. Alone. On an actual date, as two people who like each other. Doing normal couple things with other couples? Would he want that?

“Oh my god, shut your brain off for, like, three seconds and just fucking go down there before he thinks you’re not going at all.” She reaches around you, opening the door while giving you a gentle shove so that you’re out in the hallway.

You pout, slowly starting to walk away. “Am I gonna be okay?”

“You’re gonna be way more than okay,” she reassures before waving and stepping back into the apartment.

You sigh, realizing she’s right. You’d survive the night no matter what it brought. You always survived.

When you walked outside, your eyes immediately found the bright blue porsche. He was standing by the hood, arms crossed over his chest as his neck strained back to look up at the sky. You could see his adams apple bob when he swallowed.

His arms were bulging out of the tight black t shirt on his upper body, his silver chain hanging against his defined chest. A Louis Vuitton belt hugged his hips, holding the green pants to his lower half. They were cropped, allowing for you to see the tattoos that littered his ankle and lower calf, his air force ones kicking the pavement below his feet.

He snaps out of his daze when he hears you walking towards him, and when he finally lands his eyes on you it feels like his breath has been snatched away from him. He takes in every inch of you, trying to memorize everything he’s seeing just in case you disappear.

“Hey,” you practically whisper, lifting a hand to wave at him as you get a bit closer.

The sound of your voice pulls his gaze back to your face, and he finally can get a quick breath in as his huge smile spreads across his face. “Hey.”

He relaxes a bit in your presence, his arms first falling to his sides as you stand in front of him now, one hand gripping the handle of your bag while the other clenches and releases in a fist as you try and keep it together.

“Hey,” he says again, this time a bit louder and more present. He stands up straight, his hands now reaching out to hold your elbows. “Hey.”

You giggle, taking a step closer so that there’s only about an inch of space between your bodies. You tilt your head to look up at him, and his bright smile is quickly able to make your own lips turn up wider.

“That all you’ve gotta say to me?”

He just continues to smile at you, shaking his head a bit as he pulls you against his chest. You easily give in, wrapping your arms around his middle and letting his warmth envelope you despite the already relatively high temperature. You didn’t mind, though.

“Until I can form a fucking sentence to tell you how amazing you look, yeah.”

You giggle against his chest as your cheeks blush from the compliment. You go to release him, but he keeps you tight in his grasp without any room for you to move.

“Gray,” you mumble, grabbing his sides to try and get him to move away from you.

“Just a few more seconds.”

You sigh dramatically, but the butterflies go crazy in your stomach at the thought of him not wanting to let go so soon. It made you wonder if he thought about being close to you when you weren’t together as much as you did.

After a few more moments you feel his grip loosen on you, one of his hands coming to grab your own so he can guide you to the passenger side of the car.

“So are you gonna finally tell me where we’re going?”

He opens the door for you, guiding you around so you can start to get in. The smile on his face widens at your question.

“Nope.”

You roll your eyes, settling into the seat as you buckle. He closes the door and quickly makes his way to the driver’s side. He slides in rather smoothly for such a big guy getting into a small car.

“Are you at least going to tell me what type of food it is? Or if I’m underdressed?”

He chuckles, shaking his head as he starts the car. “It’s good food, and you’re dressed just fine. Perfectly, even. Stunning. Really fucking pretty if I’m being honest.”

“Oh god,” you huff, resting your chin in your hand while your elbow finds leverage on the center console as Grayson starts driving. You do your best to keep your smile at bay, but you can’t completely wipe it from your face.

“What?” He asks, looking over at you for a second before he puts his eyes back on the road.

“You’re gonna being cheesy as fuck tonight, aren’t you?”

A pout forms on his lips as he reaches his arm out to grab your knee. His fingers press into the material of your pants as he rubs his thumb side to side. You can’t help but look down at his movements, the warmth of his palm spreading through you like wildfire.

“Course I’m gonna be cheesy tonight. It’s the first time I get to take you out. Plus, no matter how much of an act you put on, I know you love it too.”

You take in a big breath as your cheeks flush again, your eyes still stuck on his fingers. You know he’s right, and you don’t feel like fighting it, either. You deserved a night together just to enjoy being with one another.

You only look up again when you hear Grayson groan in frustration. You’re met with a bunch of brake lights and soon you feel the car come to a complete stop in the middle of the highway.

“Fuck,” he mumbles as he grips your leg a bit harder.

“Let me check how bad it is,” you offer as you pick your phone up from your lap. You open up maps only to find a red line stretching for miles on the current stretch of highway you and Grayson were stuck on. “How far are we going on here?”

“I don’t know. Ten miles?”

You nod, biting your lip. The red line definitely stretches beyond the ten miles you need to go.

“How far does it say it’ll be?”

“I can’t be sure, but it looks like it’s pretty backed up for a while.”

“Like past ten miles?”

You nod, reaching over to show him your phone. He looks at the map and his face falls when he sees how bad it is.

“Fucking LA man. Shit.”

You turn your phone off, putting it back in your lap as you sigh. “It’s okay, we’ve still got, like forty minutes until our-”

Before you can finish your sentence, your back is being pressed into the leather seat as Grayson floors it off the exit ramp.

“Grayson!” You grip his wrist, his hand still holding on tight to you as he maneuvers off the highway.

“We’re taking back roads.”

“Do you even know where we are?”

“I’ve lived in LA since I was fucking 15, Y/N. I learned to drive here. I know where the fuck I am and where to go.”

You nod, not letting going of his wrist as you watch him continue to drive through the streets now. He was tense, you could tell. His shoulders were raised, his jaw tight and you swear could see the vein on the side of his neck pulse every few seconds.

You decide to turn the volume of his music up after you resituate in the seat, more comfortable with the speed he’s driving even if he’s still a bit reactive. You force your fingers in between your thigh and his palm so that you can hold his hand. He responds quickly, his hand gripping yours tightly. You can feel the clamminess of his palm against yours, and you give him a reassuring squeeze.

The corners of his lips turn up at the feeling, and you watch his body physically relax a bit. He takes a breath in, leaning back as he gets more comfortable again.

Watching the world pass by you while you and Grayson sit in your own little bubble, music playing as you enjoy each other’s presence without any worries is a feeling you could get used to. You feel so calm, like you couldn’t want or need to be anywhere else other than in his passenger seat as he drives along, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand whenever you guys were at a stop light. You somehow simultaneously also feel electricity from where you’re touching, that feeling of new romance taking over what seems like the whole car. You hope he felt it too, the butterflies, because this was a feeling you never wanted to give up.

That doesn’t stop the anxiety that slowly creeps up inside of you the longer Grayson drives around. You’ve been in the car for an hour and a half, and as far as you could tell there were no nice restaurants in sight; hell, there were no restaurants at all.

“Gray?”

He grunts, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Are we close?”

At this point you could hear your stomach growling, even over the music. You didn’t care if you sounded like a kid, you would even settle for water. You just needed something in your stomach.

He bites his lips, taking in your surroundings as he continues to coast along the road. After about a minute of watching him do that, you break.

“You have no fucking clue where we are right now.”

“Yes I do.”

“Then how much longer?”

He taps his fingers against the wheel as he reads the road sign, finally letting out a defeated sigh.

“Yeah I have no idea where we are.”

You clench your jaw in temporary frustration, reminding yourself that it’s the hunger that wants to be mad, not you. “Can you tell me what the restaurant’s called so I can look up directions?”

He reluctantly gives you the name, pulling over on the side of the road to wait for your instruction.

You suck in a breath when you see how far you are from the restaurant.

“Two hours.”

“We’re two fucking hours away?” You can hear the genuine frustration in his voice as he lets go of your hand to throw his arms up in anger before letting his face hide in his palms. He lets out a muffled, “shit,” while he shakes his head slowly.

Your hand feels cold without his to hold onto. Between that and watching him slowly devolve, you feel your heart sadden for the first time since he walked into the bathroom a few days ago. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, his face still in his hands.

“Hey.” You reach over to rub his back. “It’s okay. We can just go somewhere else.”

He groans as he finally lifts his head to look at you, his shoulders still slumped forwards. “No we can’t. It was supposed to be special, that restaurant is special. You deserve something special.”

Hearing the thought and effort he wanted to put into tonight for you made your heart swell. You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your lips despite his somber face.

“What?” He asks.

You shake your head, bringing your hand to his cheek so you can stroke the soft skin there. “You’re just really sweet.” His frown turns more neutral at that, but you can still see the disappointed clouding his eyes. “Plus, anything we do together is special. You could take me to a fucking dump and it would be special.”

This gets a small chuckle out of him, which prompts you to relax a bit. You were glad you could still get some type of positive reaction from him.

“Thought you didn’t want cheesy tonight.”

“Shut up,” you giggle, pushing his shoulder lightly.

His next movements are quick, and you have little time to react. He leans over and grabs your chin, pulling you closer to his face as his lips meet yours. The kiss is slow, and to your benefit, so that you can move your lips harmoniously with his as the hum of the engine and the melody of the music fade farther away as you get more and more into everything the kiss is making you feel.

All too soon, though, he’s pulling away, his face still staying close enough to yours that you feel his warm breath on your face as you slowly open your eyes. The frustration is gone from his gaze, replaced with something you’d never seen before. You weren’t sure what it was, but by the way he’s smiling you assume it’s a good thing.

“What was that for?” You whisper. You’re scared if you talk too loud that you’ll ruin the little universe Grayson has seemed to put you in.

He shakes his head bashfully as his thumb rubs against your jawline. “Just wanted a kiss.”

Your smile grows impossibly wider at the idea of you being able to kiss Grayson whenever you wanted. You didn’t just have to dream about it late at night, or act like you hated it every time. There didn’t have to be a reason why. And he’d want to do the same to you.

“Look up restaurants nearby.”

You hadn’t even noticed he had situated himself back into the driver's seat as you had zoned out. He still had a slight smirk on his lips while he got the car back on the road.

You lean back against your own seat, taking your phone out and searching on google for literally anything close to you guys that served food.

“There’s a place called BJ’s five minutes away. Looks a little sketch in terms of vegan food, though.”

He laughs, looking over at you. “Give me directions.”

He manages to pull up in front of the small building labeled BJ’s Diner not long after that. The ‘r’ on the sign is out, the outside looking a little run down. It looks like it was in its prime 50 years ago.

“Ready to eat at BJ’s?” He asks.

You laugh, unbuckling your seatbelt. “Guess so.”

As you both get out of the car, you let your short moment of silence be a little prayer that the night isn’t totally ruined.

And when you see Grayson waiting for you, hand held out to take yours in order to walk inside together, you think your prayer has been heard.

Your hope for the night drops the second you walk through the door, though. It smells like old wood and grease, the yellowed tiles are chipped at various points on the floor, the musicians pictured on the wall all died before the 80’s, and there’s a beaten jukebox in the corner. A part of you feels like you literally walked through a time machine, but the other can’t stop seeing how much everything has aged. The servers all seemed to be older as well, all having gray hair and wrinkles adorning their skin.

“You guys can pick any spot you want,” one of the cute old ladies interrupts your spiraling fears as Grayson turns to look at you with a raised brow.

You start walking to the booth in the corner farthest from the three other people sitting around the place in hopes of some type of privacy. They were all there alone, sitting at their respect tables without a word to anyone else. The only sounds ringing through the place are the music playing and the sounds of food being cooked in the back behind the little window you could see through behind the bar.

You’re not sure you’ve ever actually been to a diner that’s been so old, just ones that try and recreate the vintage vibes. But as the laminate of the booth cracks beneath you while you slide in, you conclude these booths have been sat in for longer than you’d been alive.

“I feel a bit overdressed,” you mumble as you pick up a menu.

Grayson chuckles as he takes a look at his own menu. “That’s okay. You said we were gonna have a special night no matter what. And this is, uh...” he looks up and around inspecting your surroundings again.

“Let’s just stick with special. Sounds nicer.”

He nods in agreement as he begins to search the menu. As you look over your own, you realize there’s much he can eat here. You’re not surprised with how old the place seems, but that doesn’t stop the slight frown that makes its way onto your lips.

“What?”

You hum, barely acknowledging his question as you continue to search for literally anything vegan on the menu besides french fries.

His fingers are soon blocking your view of the worn words on the menu as he pushes it down to see your face. Only then do you make eye contact with him. His brows are furrowed in confusion, which brings your own look of misunderstanding to your own face.

“What’s wrong?” You ask.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve got a pout on. There’s no pouting tonight. So what’s wrong?” His tone is light, almost as if he’s joking but you know he’s just trying to feel you out, understand what’s going on inside your head.

“There’s nothing vegan here,” you sigh as you pick the menu back up. “You can’t eat french fries for dinner.”

A warm smile spreads across Grayson’s face at your explanation as he watches you continue to look for something else he can have.

“Hey,” he interrupts you again, grabbing your menu and placing it alongside his at the end of the table. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll eat french fries for dinner if it means I still get to be out with you. It’ll make things more special.”

You giggle, nodding your head. “Special is definitely the word of the night.”

And that rang true the rest of your time in BJ’s. Between the busboy spilling water all over your pants making them semi see through, Grayson’s fries being cold (along with your burger), and being overcharged, it seemed like everything was going wrong.

But that didn’t stop you guys from laughing together the whole night. It almost made it impossible to believe you two were constantly at each other's throats for so long, never realizing that maybe your animosity had secretly come from the fear of falling for each other. You were grateful that fear was out in the open now, though, so that you could explore it together. Because now that you’ve had your taste of Grayson Dolan, you weren’t sure if you could ever give it up.

You guys made up for the shitshow of a dinner with your ride home. You blasted music, singing at the top of your lungs, not caring how bad you sounded. Your cheeks hurt from smiling all night, and you couldn’t help watching Grayson sing while he drove. He looked like he was glowing, you’d never seen him seem so genuinely happy and at peace.

When he finally pulled into a guest spot at your apartment he turned the music off while turning to look at you. You were both out of breath from the last song, and you could see a bit of sweat on his forehead from his intense singing.

“I never sing in front of people,” he admits.

“Me either.” You rest your elbow on the center console much like before, putting your chin in your hand as you smile at him.

“Think we could be a famous duet if we tried.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “I think people would pay to make us stop singing, actually.”

He laughs with you, letting go of the steering wheel as he turns to face you. You meet his eyes and find yourself trapped there in his gaze, both of you unable to look away from the other. There was just something so captivating about the way he would give you all his attention, his pupils almost completely blown out whenever they met yours. You could zone out looking into them for days, you’re sure.

“Gonna let me kiss you goodnight?” His soft voice carries through the car and pulls you from your thoughts.

You shrug. “I guess I should.”

He chuckles while leaning closer to you, his lips softly meeting yours. It’s sweet, much less intense than any other kiss you’ve shared and you think you can get used to the way his lips smoothly move against yours.

But before you let yourself fully indulge, his words actually hit you.

You pull back from him suddenly, and when you open your eyes you can see he’s a second behind you. When his finally open, he’s giving you a questioning look.

“You good?”

“Are you leaving?”

His brows only pull closer together at your question. “What?”

“You said a goodnight kiss. Are you not gonna come up?” You can feel the anxiety pooling in your stomach as you wonder if he doesn’t want to spend the night after being with you for so long.

“You never really struck me as someone who wants to fuck on a first date,” he chuckles, but soon stops when he notices you’re not so amused.

“Not with people I haven’t already fucked, no. I mean if you don’t want to that’s fine, I’ll just-” You grab your bag, opening the car door.

“Wait!”

You ignore his plea, stepping out of the car and shutting the door before you had a chance to look back at him.

“Y/N,” he calls out as he climbs out of his seat to follow you along the sidewalk. “Hey!”

His hand on your arm stops you, and you decide that you don’t have it in you to fight him. So you turn around while doing your best to keep your face neutral.

“I didn’t wanna push any boundaries you might have. I’m not gonna pressure you into having sex after a date just because we’ve fucked before. I’ve never felt anything for anyone like I do for you, and I don’t know what the rules are. I don’t wanna mess this up, even just tonight I’ve had such a good time and I-”

“So you weren’t sick of spending time with me?”

He looks almost offended by your question as soon as it leaves your lips. “What?”

You shrug. “I don’t know, we’ve never really spent that time with each other without fighting or fucking. I guess I thought you wanted a break or something.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “No. I spent almost six months acting like I couldn’t be in the same room as you and I fucking beat myself up for that shit. I just assumed you wouldn’t wanna do that shit so soon.”

“And I just assumed you’d get annoyed with me after a while.”

“So then let’s stop assuming and get the fuck upstairs.”

You laugh at his sudden eagerness, relief starting to wash over you. You turn to start walking towards the entrance as you talk over your shoulder. “Gonna show me how special I really am?”

You hear the signature lock of the porsche followed by his loud footsteps as he does his best to catch up.

“Where’s Kacey?”

“Told her to spend the night at yours with Ethan.”

“Fuck.”

You giggle as you turn to walk backwards after opening the door, your hips swaying as you watch him take the entirety of you in.

“Special doesn’t even begin to do justice to what I’m about to do to you.”

You laugh as he charges towards you, squealing when he picks you up off the floor.

“Grayson! I can walk myself upstairs.” Your grip is tight on his shoulders as he keeps one hand under your thighs while the other presses the elevator button repeatedly.

“See how long that lasts.”

Your giggles fade as the implications of his words settle at the pit of your stomach. That’s when you knew he was really gonna make you feel special.

***

A month.

You and Grayson made it a month running around together, only seeing each other (and poor Ethan and Kacey). You were having the time of your life, honestly. You and Grayson got along really well now that you had your guards down more. You tried your best to appreciate that without the overwhelming guilt that took over when you reminded yourself of how you treated him before.

But things were getting complicated. When you hung out with your friends, they asked why you were suddenly so busy. You were able to pass it off as work at first, but after the first week they wondered what project could be so time consuming. It was getting much harder to lie.

You and Grayson also avoided going to any of the same things. You knew you wouldn’t be able to hold up the facade like before if you were in a room with him, and it would totally blow your cover.

That was getting difficult too, though. At this point you shared the same close friends, and you were both sad you were missing out on things.

So Grayson finally prompted you to come to something they were hosting at their house with your friends. It was a casual hang out with your typical dinner and night swim. Nothing intense, super normal.

That didn’t stop the nerves running through you as you walked into their backyard with Kacey, though.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” she mumbles, giving your arm a squeeze before leading you to your group of friends. “Y/n!” Jas exclaims when she finally spots you. Kacey had quickly run off to Ethan, leaving you standing alone in the middle of the deck.

You give her a tight smile as you put your bag down, walking over to the edge of the pool she was hanging on to.

“Hey.”

She pouts, watching you get comfortable as you sit down beside her hands. “You okay?”

You nod, letting out the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding onto. “Yeah. Just work stress. You get it.”

She rolls her eyes, resting her head on her folded arms. “Sure. If work means boy, then I 100% get it.”

You scoff, shaking your head. “Why does everything have to be about boys all the time? Why can’t it be possible for an independent ass woman to have issues unrelated to men?”

“Oh it totally is,” she admits. “But I know your work stress. This is not work stress. You haven’t looked so troubled since you broke up with Ben.”

The bringing up of your last ex makes your face immediately scrunch up, like you have a bad taste in your mouth.

“Fuck that kid.”

“Now listen, you don’t have to tell me who’s causing you shit and taking up all your time. But you’re gonna have to break at some point if you keep him around. I mean, everyone’s getting boo’d up. Even Mila’s been shooting her shot,” she chuckles, her eyes going from your face to behind you.

You turn to see Mila standing next to a shirtless Grayson. He looks like he’s explaining the workout equipment to her. He’s clearly super into the conversation, and it’s even more clear Mila is into the way his face looks.

You’re not sure how you feel. You do your best to quell the immediate anger bubbling up inside of you because Mila has no idea you guys are together. But shouldn’t Gray be doing a better job at trying to stop her heart eyes?

“How long has that been a thing?” You ask as you keep your eyes on them.

“Only a few weeks. She was convinced Grayson was into you for literally, like,” she lifts her head to count on her fingers while she thinks. “Like three months or something. But the past few weeks you and him have just been radio silent so she’s taking her chance. Was that even a thing after Malibu or is he more of a hit it and quit it kinda guy?”

“I have to pee,” you mutter under your breath as you stand back up. You don’t even look back at Jas when she calls for you, keeping your eyes on the door. At this point Mila’s got her hand on Grayson’s bicep as he continues to ramble about who knows what, totally oblivious to her true intentions. Or, he’s into it and that’s why he hasn’t told her to stop.

Either way, you needed to get out. You knew being here would be hard, but you didn’t expect it to be like this. Maybe to have to throw some fake jabs, flip him off and figure out a way to stay after everyone left without people noticing, sure. But Mila trying to get with Grayson? That was not something you anticipated as one of your first hurdles.

Also the fact that this has been going on for weeks and Grayson’s said nothing? There’s no way he’s that stupid that he has no idea what she’s doing. Why wouldn’t he say anything?

Before you can reach the bathroom, you hear two voices behind you from the kitchen.

“Hey Y/N!” Mila’s now seemingly annoying voice rings through the house, causing you to turn around and face her and Grayson. He’s busying himself with getting some glasses of water as Mila motions for you to come closer. “I haven't seen you in, like, ten years!”

“Been busy.” You take a few hesitant steps closer to the pair. You watch Grayson’s eyes move to look at you a moment before he’s focused again on his task, totally silent.

“With what?” You can’t tell if it’s your anger that’s making everything about Mila almost unbearable, but her stupid smile isn’t sitting right with you.

“My boyfriend.”

Mila’s face turns from a smile to a look of confusion as Grayson pauses at the fridge.

“You have a boyfriend?”

“Mhm.” You nod, a bit more confident now. You make your way closer to the kitchen, closing the gap between the two of you. “Been busy fucking my new boyfriend.”

“I love that for you! What’s he like?”

At this point you’re not even looking at her. Grayson had turned around to watch the whole interaction happen with a raised brow. You watch him over her shoulder as you open your mouth to talk again.

“He’s tall, hot as shit, a bunch of tattoos, wears a chain, you know the type. A fucking dick when he wants to be but he’s nice to me most of the time,” you describe. By now Grayson’s smirking, his arms crossed as he realizes why you’re being the way you are: jealousy.

“That’s so good! You deserve it.” She pats your arm before turning to Grayson. He’s quick to go back to tending to the two cups he was grabbing before. “When do we get to meet him? Bet Grayson’s just dying to meet the guy who finally stole Y/N Y/L/N’s heart.” She sounds a bit bitter when she says it, but you can’t be bothered to care. She doesn’t know half of how Grayson feels about you.

He pauses again, slowly turning back to face the both of you. He looks between you and Mila, unsure of what to do.

You’d been the one who wanted to keep everything under wraps. It took you so long to finally admit how you felt about each other, and you wanted to appreciate the time you had alone before bringing everyone else into it. You loved your friends, but fuck were they all overly involved in everyone’s life.

“Bet he would.”

With that you leave, going back outside. Maybe a swim in the pool would help you cool off a bit.

The rest of the night goes relatively smoothly, everyone just enjoying each other seeing as it had been difficult to get everyone in the same place lately.

But holy shit were you ready to drop kick Mila.

She couldn’t be away from Grayson for more than five minutes. Of course your plan had been to not really talk to him to avoid any suspicion so it wasn’t like she was taking time away from you or anything, but she wouldn’t leave him alone.

“Has it been this bad for a while?” you whisper to Kacey. You were all sat in a circle, just talking after eating. Everyone was kind of having separate conversations meaning you would finally be able to get some fucking answers, even if it wasn’t from Grayson.

“She’s actually being pretty good tonight. When she’s drunk she literally is on top of the poor guy.”

You can’t help but look over at them now. She sat closely to him (she didn’t have much of a choice due to the fact that she weasled her way between him and Jas), just staring and listening as he spoke to Austin. He was leaning away from her, but every time he moved, she moved with him.

You could feel your anger bubbling up again, but you looked back at Kacey to calm yourself down a bit.

“Why didn’t anyone fucking tell me?” You do your best to keep your volume down. Ethan was on the other side of Kacey, so you didn't care if he heard but you had no interest in anyone else knowing what you guys were talking about. You weren’t the jealous type typically, but when you’re powerless it somehow has made the whole situation escalate quickly.

“I mean he’s so obviously not into it, we didn’t think it mattered?”

You scoff. “You and Gray have talked about it?”

The name of his brother makes Ethan turn his head as he tunes into the conversation.

“What?”

You cross your arms as you lean back in your chair, looking straight ahead now. You couldn’t look to your right because you didn't want to watch Mila drool over Grayson, but looking at Kacey would make you mad too.

“She’s mad we didn't tell her about the whole-” she looks around to see if anyone else is listening, lowering her voice significantly before she speaks again.  “Mila thing.”

“Why?”

You raise your brow at him. “You fucking knew too?”

“Y/N, literally everyone knows.”

“Not me!”

At this point you’ve caught almost everyone's attention. You and Kacey never fought, especially not in front of everyone. You were two peas in a pod. And not to say this was a fight, you were literally the only one who wasn’t speaking at a whisper. But you couldn’t help but feel betrayed by the both of them for not telling you. The three of them had decided what was best without even considering if you’d want a say.

You look around the table at all the eyes on you and bite your lip, sinking back into your chair and closing your cardigan on your body tighter.

“So tell us more about this boyfriend, Y/N,” Mila prompts as she laughs awkwardly to try and break the tension. Little did she know her bumping her shoulder against Grayson was only causing more tension.

Kacey gives you an eye, confused as to what Mila was talking about. She fit in with everyone else, though, because they all seemed a bit lost, too.

“A boy?” Jas asks, a smirk on her face.

“It’s not important,” you mutter. When you look at Grayson, you see a bit of hurt in his eyes.

“Why not?” Mila pushes.

“Come on Kace, you definitely know him. Is he hot?”

Kacey sputters, not really sure what to say.

“Oh my god he’s ugly!”

“That’s why you won’t tell us, you don’t want to have to show us pictures!”

“You’re, like, a totally ten Y/N. Definitely don’t need to be with an ugly dude.”

“He’s not fucking ugly!” You sit up, the frustration clear in your voice.

“So then why did Kacey-”

“She can’t call her boyfriend’s brother hot.”

Complete silence takes over the entire group as they look at you, and then Grayson. His eyes are a bit wide and totally locked on you.

You stand abruptly, the sound of the chair scraping against the concrete the only noise that echoes through the backyard. Mila’s stare is burning through you, but you don’t look anywhere but the door as you make your way towards it.

“What the fuck, guys?” Grayson asks as he stands up.

“Are you really her fucking boyfriend?” Mila scoffs, looking up at him.

“Holy shit, yes.”

He leaves as everyone watches him follow you. He doesn’t care that Ethan and Kacey are going to have to deal with the aftermath of that, he just needed to know if you were okay.

He goes through the house, going to his closed bathroom door and knocking.

“Holy shit, can I be left alone for three fucking seconds? What if I actually need to pee or-”

“It’s me.”

You pause as you feel the anxiety fall from your body quickly. You rush to open the door, the tears in your eyes threatening to fall.

“I’m so sorry.”

He gives you a confused look as he enters the bathroom, moving you back so that he has room to shut the door behind him. “Sorry?”

You nod. “I know we weren’t gonna tell people but then I saw Mila all over you and when I found out that’s been happening a while I don’t know what took over and then when everyone was trying to force Kacey to talk I didn’t know what to do so I just fucking told them even though we weren’t gonna tell them and we didn’t talk about that and we didn’t even ever talk about if I’m your girlfriend and you’re my boyfriend but now I said to everyone that you’re my boyfriend and I just-” You take in a big breath as you rub your eyes.

“Hey,” he mumbles, rubbing your arms. You let your hands fall and you’re happy to see he’s much less distraught than you. “Let’s just breathe for a second.”

You nod, following the slow breaths he takes in and out, letting the feeling of his hands on you ground you a bit. Once your breathing has evened out he grabs your hands.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble out again.

He shakes his head, a quiet chuckle leaving his mouth..

“Y/N, baby. Stop with the apologizing. The only reason we weren’t telling people is because we didn’t want them in our relationship. Not because I don’t want people knowing we’re together. We’ll deal with them, even if they’re annoying as shit,” he chuckles and you crack a small smile. “And in terms of you calling me your boyfriend, I told my mom I have a girlfriend. I thought we kinda just were that, and we didn’t have to talk about it.”

“Lisa knows I exist?”

“Yeah,” he nods.

You take in one more deep breath before pulling him into a hug. He wraps his arms tightly around your torso, keeping you close to his chest.

“Mila’s gonna be devastated,” you mutter against his chest.

The vibrations of his laughter ring through your ear as he drags his hands up and down your back.

“She already is.”

You lift your head to look at him. “When were you planning on telling me about that, by the way?”

You feel him tense against you, which causes you to pull away in order to look up at him.

“I, uh, I don’t know.”

You nod, letting going of him completely in order to turn and fix your face in the mirror mindlessly. “Why weren’t you going to tell me?”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

“But there was no plan to.”

“I guess not,” he sighs.

“Why not?” You turn back to him again, doing your best to keep your face serious. You weren’t sure how much you were willing to let him see of you being an absolute emotional mess tonight.

“Because,” he shrugs, folding his arms and rubbing his hands against his biceps. “We’ve been so good, Y/N. So fucking good. I thought that shit would somehow make things worse.”

“Not telling me at all definitely made it worse.” You can visibly see him swallow as his now panicked eyes search your face for any tell of how mad you are. “You’re not into her, right?”

He scoffs. “Dude, no. Even if we weren’t together, she’s annoying as fuck. But especially now that I have you?” He chuckles, grabbing your arms to pull you flush against him again. “There’s absolutely no way in hell I’d entertain that shit. Or anyone else. If someone tries to pull that shit again I’ll tell them my hot ass girlfriend will beat the shit out of them.”

“Oh jesus christ.” You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the small smile that works its way onto your lips. “I don’t hurt people.”

“They don’t have to know that.”

“You’re gonna give me a bad rep, Grayson Dolan,” you mumble, going up on your tippy toes to move your face closer to his as your hands grip his sides to keep your balance.

“I’m worth it, though,” he mutters through a smile before finally letting his lips meet yours.

***

“God, you’re like a lovesick puppy.”

You look up from your phone for the first time in an hour, the comment from Kacey coming from where she sits across your living room.

“How do you think you were when you and Ethan started dating?”

“No, this is different. You guys are going through the initial infatuation phase while already being in love. That’s, like, double trouble.” You turn your phone off completely at her assumption and sit up to look at her better.

“In love?”

She raises an expectant eyebrow as she watches you. “Do you not know you’re in love?”

You chuckle. “I think I’d know if I’m in love.”

“Oh my god,” she laughs, gripping the blanket across her lap as she folds over. “Oh- I can’t - you - Y/N, come on,” she huffs out, continuing to laugh as she shakes her head. “You guys are both so fucking in love with each other. You were more in love with Grayson before you even started dating than you ever loved Ben.”

“Did I ever truly love Ben or did I just like the attention?”

“Come on, Y/N. This is not the time to try and reflect on how healthy your feelings were. I’m telling you you’re fucking in love.”

You scoff, throwing your hands up. “How do you know I’m in love if I don’t even know it.”

She rolls her eyes. “You know it, just like you always knew deep down the only reason you acted like you hated Grayson was because of how much you liked him. It’s your defense mechanism to not let people in.” You bite your lip as you consider her words.

Kacey called it your sixth sense. Whatever you wanna call it, your gut was reliable. From the second you met someone you could tell what type of role they would play in your life. You just liked to say you were good at reading people.

But you pushed that down most of the time. Because no matter how bad the person was, they always stuck around to teach you some overarching life lesson. So you would let life happen naturally, doing your best to ignore your intuitions.

And maybe when Kacey had first told you about her and Ethan you could tell he was gonna be around a long time. That was a good sign, a much better sign than any bad feelings. It was only when she would tell the occasional story about Grayson that your gut went whack.

So you avoided them like the plague because no one had made you have any type of intuition just from secondhand stories before. You’d never even met the guy in person before. But you couldn’t control the feeling you got when you talked about him or saw pictures of him or Kacey made you watch their videos.

Maybe your hatred for them was your way of trying to control a situation you really had no control over.

And you’re totally aware, deep deep down that Kacey is totally right on all accounts. You just weren’t ready to confront those feelings today.

“Earth to Y/N?” A piece of popcorn hits you in the face and brings you back to reality.

“What if I’m just infatuated with him and only love the idea of being with a guy I feel like is unattainable?”

Kacey deadpans.

“Okay fine maybe I love him a tiny bit.”

“Oh honey, it’s a lot a bit. But that means we get to be sister-in-laws one day!” She gets up and squeals as she dances around.

“Dude chill, I’m not gonna tell him. We’ve been together for literally three months! And-”

“You’ve been in love for literally so much longer but keep going.”

You roll your eyes but continue your original thought. “First, he would have to love me back, and-”

“He’s been in love with you since before you even met but continue.”

You give her a serious look and she sighs, calming down a bit as she moves to sit with you on the couch.

“We are literally so early on in this relationship. And in life! Who says I even want to get married, or if he does-”

“He totally does.”

“Kacey I will literally strangle you.”

“I’m sorry!” She pouts as she grabs your hands. “I’m just happy for you. You deserve it, the happiness and all of that. I promise I won’t joke about marriage for a while, but let yourself be happy that you’re in love with someone who also loves and cherishes you. He literally is head over heels for you. Like, doesn’t shut up about you ever kinda love.”

That news should make you feel good. Secure, even.

But instead it makes you even more anxious. Because the further you become invested in each other, the more you have to lose. And you’re not sure if you have it in you to lose him.

“You’re spiraling. Oh god why are you spiraling?”

You turn and lean over so that you’re practically laying on top of Kacey at this point. She wraps her arms around you as you try to quell the rising panic.

“It’s gonna hurt so bad when it ends.”

You can feel her tense up for a moment before she starts rubbing your back.

“What makes you say it’s gonna end?” “All good things end, K. At least in my world.”

“Well, Grayson’s better than good. He’s amazing. What’s your gut say?”

You shrug. “For the first time, I actually can’t tell.”

***

It seemed that the harder you pushed your love for Grayson down, the more prominent it became. It was harder to breathe the minute you would see him, but as soon as he was touching you in any way, all of your anxieties flew out the window. No one had simultaneously made you feel so alive and electric, yet so relaxed and calm at the same time. Loving Grayson was fun and easy.

And that made you terrified.

You know Grayson knows something is up, your poker face is shit. But you can’t help but get in your head every time you’re around him. You hear Kacey’s voice telling you to just be honest with how you feel, but your fear of fucking everything up shut that idea down fast.

That didn’t change the distance growing between the two of you, though. Going from seeing each other everyday to a few times a week, picking up your phone every time there was a lull in the conversation rather than asking about something else or just staring at each other until you started laughing. Things were changing quickly.

“Can we talk?”

Another change.

You’d never heard Grayson so serious before, or so quiet and timid. He almost sounded like a wounded animal, calling out its last cry for help.

You nod as you sit up on the couch to make room for him. He walks over to you, sitting sideways on the cushions so that he was facing you directly. His arm rests on the back of the cushion, his fingers against your shoulder prompting you to turn and face him as well. You oblige, sitting criss cross and tucking your feet underneath you as you played with the fringe of the pillow in your lap.

“I, uh, I don’t really...I just - fuck,” he covers his face with his palms, already frustrated with the way he can’t seem to verbalize his thoughts.

His anxiety makes your own anxiety creep up from within you as your chest tightens and your ears start to ring.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

You didn’t intend to sound so fragile, but at this point you had little control over anything. You were gripping the pillow to your chest so hard you felt like you could rip it in half.

His head whips up so that his eyes can meet your sad ones. “No. Shit - ” he shakes his head as he squeezes his eyes shut. “I feel like you’re gonna break up with me.”

“What?” You can’t help the laughter that starts to bubble up and out of your mouth as you lean forward a bit. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t know! You’ve been - how do I… different. Distant.”

You take in a breath, your lips pulling together as you watch the way his eyes almost turn down.

“I’m sorry.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it to make you feel like you have to apologize for something. I just need to know what’s going on, why you’re less...interested.”

It feels like a knife is being pushed into your chest the minute he finishes his thought. Sure, you’d been a bit distant because of your internal battle that seemed never ending, but you’d never intended to make him feel like you were less into him. Hell, the whole issue is that you’re too into him.

“Gray,” you shake your head, loosening your grip on the pillow and moving to grab one of his hands. He lets you hold it, but doesn’t give you the reassuring pressure of squeezing you back that he always does. “Grayson,” you say more seriously so that his eyes focus on yours. “That’s not what’s happening. I…”

He raises a brow at you expectantly, but you just sigh and let your head fall back on your shoulders. You think if you look up that maybe the tears gathering along your waterline won’t fall down your cheeks.

“Y/N.”

“Hm?” You hum, now closing your eyes to try and trap the tears there.

“What is happening?”

You bite your lip as you shake your head, slowly lowering it again and opening your eyes. As soon as you do so the tears you tried so hard to prevent cloud your vision and slowly stream down your cheeks.

It breaks Grayson’s heart to see you so conflicted and emotional, even if he doesn’t know why. He gives your hand the squeeze you’d been waiting for.

That action is what pushes you over the edge, and you begin to cry. You fold forward over the pillow as your free hand comes to cover your eyes. You let it all out, the stress, the anxiety, the fear, through every shaking sob that leaves your body. Grayson sits there watching, never letting go of your hand.

You guys stay like that until you’re finally able to take in a full breath. His thumb rubs gently over the skin of the back of your hand as you wipe your eyes with your free palm.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffle.

“No,” he mumbles out quietly, his voice a bit hoarse. When you lift your head, you see the tears lining his eyes. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I do though.” You take in one more big breath before squaring off your shoulders as you prepare to tell him the truth. “It’s my fault you’re sad, and you’ve literally done nothing wrong. You’ve been doing everything right, actually,” you admit. “I’ve been acting all weird and shit because I…” He raises his brows as he waits for you to finish your sentence. You sigh, preparing to say the words that ran through your mind every time you looked at him.

“I love you.”

For some reason, despite your voice being muffled from the hoarseness of your throat, those words seem to echo through the whole room, the universe, even. It’s the only thing you can hear reverberating off the walls because Grayson stopped breathing the minute they left your mouth. And the quieter the echoes get, the more room there is for anxiety to grow inside of you.

Thankfully he doesn’t leave you hanging too long, and as he opens his mouth you can’t decide if you’re grateful he’s able to collect his thoughts so fast or terrified of the rejection you’ve been anticipating since your conversation with Kacey.

“Holy shit.”

Holy shit?

“Holy fucking shit.” He starts laughing loudly, the words repeatedly falling from his mouth through each borderline scream that now replaces the silence in the room. His free hand comes to his chest as he tries to catch his breath, and you watch him in a mix of amusement and horror, completely unsure of what to do.

“Grayson?”

That seems to get his attention, and he’s able to quiet himself a bit. But instead of trying to talk like you expect, he lets go of your hand to bring both of his palms to your cheeks. Before you can comprehend what he’s doing your noses are bumping against one another as he brings his lips to yours. You can barely even call it a kiss because you can feel the way his lips are still turned into a smile as he continues to chuckle into your mouth. He does his best, though, giving you a few quick kisses before he pulls away again with his stupid grin still spread across his face.

“That’s the best god damn thing to ever come out of your mouth.”

You let out a breathy chuckle of relief, still not totally sure what’s happening but just happy he’s not running for the hills.

“We’re getting fucking BJ’s tonight,” he declares while standing, rushing around to find his keys. You sit there still in shock, not sure what the fuck happened and still trying to process his reaction. While he slips his shoes on, he pauses when he notices you still completely unmoved on the couch. “Are you not hungry? It’s our spot, you always want BJ’s.”

“No, I just…” you shake your head, standing from the couch much slower than he did. “Is this a good thing?”

He looks at you confused. “Is what a good thing?”

“That I love you.”

“Baby.” He practically jogs over to you. “It’s the best thing. Can’t top it, honestly. Well, unless you tell me you’re pregnant, then-”

“Hold up.” You bring your hand up to stop him in his tracks. “No to me being pregnant anytime soon you psycho.” He rolls his eyes but he lets you continue as he rests his hands on your hips. “But does that mean…”

As soon as he connects the dots of your unspoken question, he almost appears to physically melt in front of you.

“Of course.” He leans in, leaving kisses along your cheeks, going up to your forehead and ending at the tip of your nose before brushing his lips over yours. “With my whole heart, I love you too.”

[theladyofdeath]

Alone in the Ashes {2}

A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfction, characters belong to Sarah J Maas. Modern au. Revolves around Nesta x Cassian, Feyre x Rhysand, and Elain x Azriel. Other characters appear throughout. Based on multiple prompts sent in by anons tbr below.

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click >  Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 4.4k

A/N: And so it begins.

Comment to tell me what you think, or to be tagged! x

“When you spend so long trapped in darkness, Lucien, you find that the darkness begins to stare back.” ― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“I’m so sorry, you poor bastard,” Feyre breathed, after learning that Cassian now lived across the hall from her eldest sister. 

He chuckled, drinking from his glass. “She doesn’t seem that bad. That guy of hers seems like a real prick, though.”

Feyre snorted. “Don’t get me started.”

Cassian opened his mouth to speak but Rhysand leaned over. “No, seriously, don’t get her started.”

Feyre nudged him in the shoulder, causing him to laugh. “Anyway, where’s Azriel? He said he’d be here by now.” 

“Had to go get Mila,” Cassian said, finishing off his glass. “Unexpectedly. Just texted about a half hour ago. There was an incident, apparently. The police called this time.”

Feyre nodded, understandingly. It wasn’t the first time Azriel’s plans had changed last minute, but when he was called on, he always went to get Mila. 

Rhysand waved the bartender over, calling for another beer. “Karaoke night. Added you to the list, Feyre.”

Feyre froze. “Uh, no. I’m not going up there. Not after last time.”

Cassian grinned as Rhysand said, “I thought you gave a beautiful rendition of Like a Virgin.” 

“Fuck you,” she murmured, and cursed herself for smiling.

A live band played in the corner, the lead singer getting far too into it. He’d taken his shirt off and given it to a drunk girl cheering him on about thirty minutes before, and after that, Feyre just hadn’t been able to take him seriously. 

“Alright, I’ve had enough sadness,” Feyre said, hopping off her bar stool and handing her tall glass to Rhysand. “Come on, Cass. We’re going to dance.”

Cassian groaned, but it was all for show, because the moment he was on the dance floor, he had his arms around Feyre’s waist and he was swinging her around. 

“You should ask Rhys!” Cassian yelled into her ear above the music. “He’s a better dancer than me!”

���But this is how I get all the ladies to notice you!” Feyre yelled back, grinning from ear to ear. 

Cassian laughed, and spun her in a circle. 

Feyre loved to dance. She didn’t do it often, only when she went out with the boys. She used to dance with Mor, but she was always busy with school, lately, since she decided to further her education. She wanted to be a doctor. How selfish. 

She had called her on the way to the bar, with Rhysand in the car with her, behind the wheel. 

Stop studying and come dance with me, she had said into the phone.

Mor had laughed. It’s finals week! A few more days and I get to come home for the summer. Then, we will dance, I promise. 

Until then, she had Cassian. 

And every time Feyre brought Cassian out onto the dance floor, the girls gravitated toward him. 

True enough, as the second the song ended and another was beginning, a tall, blonde woman with a short black dress and combat boots had come up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. The second he turned to face her, Feyre hurried away. 

Rhysand was laughing, watching the scene unfold. He handed Feyre her glass as she sat back on her stool.

“Works every time.”

“You’re the greatest wing man,” Rhysand agreed, pressing his bottle to his lips. “Alright, now it’s my turn.”

He set his glass on the bar top before standing up and holding out his hand. Feyre drained her glass before putting her hand in his. 

He pulled her close to his body. He smelled of lavender and vanilla.

“Have you been using my soap?” she asked, leaning forward to talk into his ear. 

He laughed, his breath hot against the side of her face as he said, “That depends...will you be pissed if I said yes?”

“Damn it, Rhys,” she said, unable to stop her grin as one of his hands found her waist, the other still in her hand. 

They danced, and Feyre found herself loving every minute of it. Everything came so natural with Rhys. For the first time in a long time, Feyre was enjoying herself without any thought of all she had been going through. 

That joy was nice, while it lasted.

Because half an hour later, Rhysand was pulled back by the shoulder and knocked to the floor by a fist that belonged to a man, all too familiar.

“What the fuck?” Feyre yelled, looking into Tamlin’s deep, green eyes.

“I knew it,” he hissed. “I fucking knew it.”

It was what he had accused her of, once more, when she was at his apartment that morning, getting the rest of her things.

You fucking Rhys, yet? He’d asked.

Feyre never answered him. She just got the box of her shit and left.

Rhysand was back on his feet, a bruise already forming on his eye bone, Cassian having come to Feyre’s side. 

“Fucking whore,” Tamlin spat, then Cassian was standing in front of Feyre.

“You need to leave,” Rhysand said, as the music died down, obvious that there was a scene about to play out.

Feyre was mortified. 

“Why?” Tamlin asked, turning around to face Rhysand. “This is a public space, I am just as welcome here as anyone else.”

“No,” Rhysand said, eyes narrowed. “You’re not.”

“Says the guy that was just knocked on his ass.”

Cassian took a step closer to Tamlin’s back, just as Rhysand took a step closer in front of him. “You need to leave, Tam.”

“Tam,” he repeated the old nickname. “Been a while since I heard that from you. Or Feyre, for that matter. But, I suppose she would stop calling me by my nickname the moment she started fucking you-”

Rhysand’s fist met Tamlin’s jaw, and Tamlin stumbled, catching himself before he could fall onto the floor. 

Feyre’s eyes went wide as blood trickled out of the side of Tamlin’s mouth.

Tamlin started forward, but Cassian intervened, pushing Tamlin back by his shoulders. He whispered something feral into his ear, which made Tamlin stop. He looked from Feyre to Rhysand, shook his head, and walked out. Cassian looked back at the band, and said, “Where’s the music?”

They started up again and people began dancing like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. 

Feyre’s hands were shaking, though, as she excused herself and hurried to the restroom. She locked herself inside of a stall and cried.

She was pissed.

Pissed at Tamlin, pissed at the sight of him, pissed that he came to ruin her night.

She was pissed at Rhysand, pissed that he’d punched her ex. He was better that than, better than to stoop to Tamlin’s level.

She was pissed at herself. Pissed that she cared. Pissed that it bothered her at all. 

The door opened, and loud footsteps trailed to the other side of the stall door. 

“Feyre.” A soft knock. “Open up.”

“Fuck off,” she said, wiping at her eyes.

“Open the door or I’ll crawl underneath and this floor is disgusting.”

Angrily, Feyre unlocked the door and pushed it open.

Rhysand was standing there, arms crossed. The bruise beneath his eye was turning a soft shade of blue. “I’m sor-”

“I’m ready to go home.”

Rhysand frowned. He reached out for her hand, and she let him take it. He pulled her toward him, into his chest, and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry. Okay? I got pissed. I caused a scene. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t just go around hitting people,” she said, voice muffled into his shirt. 

“I know,” he said.

“And I can stand up for myself without the two of you brutes causing a scene,” she said, referring to him and Cassian, who was most likely back to dancing with the tall blonde.

“I know,” he said, and leaned back, taking her face into her hands.

His eyes were full of worry, full of regret.

She understood where Tamlin was coming from, she supposed, in the fact that it would not be the craziest thing for Feyre to end up with Rhys. He was her best friend and she loved him, more than she loved most people, differently than she loved anyone else. 

But they had never done anything. They had only ever been friends.

“Let’s go back out there. Drinks are on me,” he said.

“I thought they were already on you,” Feyre said, and Rhysand grinned, although it didn’t meet his eyes.

“I am sorry,” he said. “You can hit me, if you want.”

“Tempting,” Feyre mumbled, before pushing against his chest. “I’m going to poke you in your bruise when you least expect it.”

Rhysand laughed. “Feel better, do you?”

Feyre rolled her eyes, then pressed her lips to his cheek. Rhysand tensed, but it quickly faded. “Thank you for defending my honor, you savage caveman.” 

Rhysand’s smile was contagious as he took her hand and led her back into the bar.

He called for the bartender and ordered a round of shots. 

~~~~~

“Hungry?” Azriel asked, looking in the rear view mirror of his truck.

Mila sat in the backseat, her pink Velcro shoes kicking wildly. “Yes. I want chicken nuggets.”

Azriel chuckled. “You always want chicken nuggets.”

“Yeah,” she said, as if it were obvious, “because they’re yummy.”

“Alright,” he said, “but then we have to go home and get ready for bed. Okay?” 

“Okay,” she said, slowly. “When can I see Rhysie?”

Mila loved Rhysand more than anyone else. He was her man.

“Tomorrow, maybe. He’s not home tonight.”

“Is he somewhere being naughty?” she asked, giggling.

Azriel snorted. “Probably.”

He pulled into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant and parked. He unbuckled her car seat and carried her inside on his hip. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck.

After ordering, they sat near a window and ate chicken nuggets, french fries, and chocolate shakes.

“Is mama okay?” she asked, looking up at Azriel with big, brown eyes. 

She may have only been four, but she saw far more than most people thought she did. Her mother, included.

Azriel set down the chicken nugget he was about to eat. “Yeah, babe. She just...she needs to get a little help, you know?”

Mila nodded, slowly, not quite understanding. “Help?”

“Yeah, from a doctor,” he explained, popping the chicken nugget into his mouth. “Here, know what you should try?”

Mila blinked. “What?” 

He took the lid off her chocolate shake and dipped a french fry into it before putting it into his mouth.

Mila scrunched her nose. “Ewww!”

“You don’t know if it’s ewww until you try it,” he winked. “Try it and I’ll give you a dollar.”

Mila’s eyes grew wide. “A whole dollar?”

Azriel nodded. “Mhmm.”

“Fine,” she said, sassily, before dipping a french fry into her milkshake. She took a bite and thought about it for a second. “That’s yummy.”

“Told you so,” Azriel said, before dipping another french fry into her milkshake.

She stuck her tongue out at him. 

He stuck his tongue out at her, too.

She giggled, and continued to eat. 

And once she was full, Azriel carried her back to his truck and strapped her into her car seat before taking her back to his apartment. The minute he pulled in, she was already fast asleep. She’d had a big day.

He carried her up the stairs and unlocked his apartment door. After slipping off his shoes, he carried her to the back room, the guest room, which was dominantly covered in Mila’s belongings, and laid her down. He took off her shoes and covered her with a blanket.

Mila flopped around before she opened her eyes, sleepily. With a yawn, she said, “G’night, Uncle Az.” 

“Goodnight, babe,” he whispered, and kissed her forehead before clicking on a batman nightlight and cracking the door behind him. 

He meandered into the living room and slumped down in his chair. He grabbed the remote but didn’t turn on the t.v. 

It wasn’t the first time it had happened.

And it wasn’t that he didn’t like having Mila. He loved having his niece with him, but that wasn’t the point, that wasn’t what pissed him off.

Mila was only four, living in a world she didn’t deserve. She was tossed into a situation the moment she had been born that wasn’t fair. 

He fished his phone out of his pocket to see if anyone had called, but his screen was blank. Unsure of what happened with his sister after he’d picked up Mila from the police, Azriel tossed his phone on the side table, turned on the t.v., and settled back into the comfort of his lazyboy. 

Mila believed that the crack of dawn was an appropriate time to wake up.

He’d better get some sleep.

~~~~~

“Mother’s tits, Feyre, your breath smells like shit.”

Rhysand had carried her up the stairs, and she had giggled in his face the entire time. By the time they were inside of their apartment and he was dropping her on the couch, he could hardly breathe from the overwhelming scent of tequila. 

“Thank you for carrying me,” she sang, reaching up for him.

Rhysand shook his head, slipping off one of her sandals, then the other. “You are so fucking drunk.” 

“Says the guy that gave me the shots,” she laughed, and then Rhysand turned on a light and she groaned. “Turn it off!”

Rhysand grinned. “Alright, come on. Let’s get you cleaned up and in bed.”

“No,” she said, yawning, snuggling into the couch. “This is where I’m staying tonight. Right. Fuckin. Here.”

“Let’s at least brush your teeth,” Rhysand said, laughing quietly. “And take a quick shower.”

“You just wanna see me naked,” she slurred.

Rhysand lifted a brow. “If I wanted to see you naked, I would’ve made up an excuse a long time ago. Come on.” 

A lie, but she cooperated, nonetheless.

She clung to him as she stumbled down the hallway. And when she fell into the little bathroom, Rhysand flicked on a light, causing her to groan again. Rhysand, paying her whininess no mind, lifted her up onto the counter top of the vanity and turned on the sink. He grabbed her toothbrush, and put toothpaste on it, before handing it to her.

She blew a raspberry at him.

Rhysand shook his head, exasperated. “Very mature. Open up.”

“No.”

“Come on, Feyre, open up.”

“Nooooo.”

“Open your fucking mouth, Feyre,” Rhysand laughed, pulling at her bottom lip. 

“Fine,” she groaned, obnoxiously, and opened her mouth, wide.

Rhysand, oh so patiently, brushed her teeth for her. “Spit,” he ordered. She did so. Then, he handed her a tiny cup full of water. “Rinse.” She did that, too.

“Better?” he asked, rinsing off her toothbrush before putting it back in the holder. 

When he looked back to Feyre, she was staring at him. “You’re really fucking pretty.”

Rhysand snorted. “So I’m told.”

She took his face in her hands and squeezed his cheeks. His lips popped out as he rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna start the shower. Alright?”

She shook her head. “No, not yet.”

Her voice had grown quiet, her hands on his face loosening. “Do you love me, Rhysand?”

Rhysand lifted a brow as Feyre’s hands trailed down his cheeks, his neck, to his chest, where they rested over his heart. “You know I do.”

“Your heart is beating super fast,” she slurred, eyes bright.

“You are a beautiful woman, Feyre,” Rhysand said, smiling fondly. “But you are not a pretty drunk.”

Feyre scowled. “Start my shower, peasant.”

Rhysand huffed a laugh. “Yes, my Lady.”

He turned to do just that, but she pulled him back by the neck of his shirt, until his face was only an inch from hers. 

“Will you join me in the shower, Rhysie?” she crooned.

Rhysand had imagined her asking him that so many times throughout the years, but her breath did not smell like mint-coated-tequila in any of those fantasies.

“As tempting as that sounds, I don’t think-”

She pressed her mouth against his, hungrily, and Rhysand froze. Her tongue slid against his, her teeth nipping at his bottom lip. 

He pulled back, hastily, and cleared his throat. “Um….I think we should-”

Feyre leaned forward and heaved, puking violently all over Rhysand’s jeans. With nothing left to do, he sighed, gathering her hair into his hands as she cleared her stomach. “You should be happy I fucking love you, Feyre, darling.” 

When she was done, her eyes were glazed over, watering, her skin pale, clammy. He waited a few minutes, holding back her hair with one hand and rubbing her knee with the other, before asking, “Done?”

Feyre groaned, eyelids growing heavy. 

“Alright.” Rhysand pulled off his vomit-covered jeans and t-shirt and tossed them in the corner before taking off her tank top, tossing it in the corner, too.

“Take off your jeans, Feyre,” he ordered, gently, “unless you want to wake up smelling like shit in the morning.”

Rhysand laid a towel down on top of the mess on the floor and helped Feyre to her feet, where he unbuttoned her jeans and helped her slip them off. Her eyes were already fluttered shut as she sat back on the counter top in her bra and panties. Rhysand covered a washcloth in warm water and soap before cleaning around her mouth and down her chest, her abdomen, and her thighs - everywhere the vomit had landed. When he was done, he gathered her up into his arms, and carried her across the hall to her bedroom.

She was already sound asleep when he laid her down and tucked her in.

After shutting her door, in nothing but his boxer-briefs, Rhysand cleaned the vomit off the bathroom tile and vanity before gathering all the dirty shit and putting it into the washing machine. After taking a quick shower himself, he stumbled into his bedroom and fell onto his bed, face first, moaning as his bruise, where he’d been punched, made contact with his pillow. 

It had been a hell of a night.

~~~~~

Nesta stared at the opposite side of the bathroom stall as Tomas thrust himself into her. She tried to fake the noises of pleasure at first, but she eventually gave up as the boredom grew.

Tomas leaned back, eventually, breathing heavily as he took in her expression. “You’re not enjoying this at all, are you?” 

Nesta sighed. “I’ve fucked you too many times. Now, it just feels forced and never lasts long enough.”

His eyes narrowed and he stepped back, dropping his grip on her thighs.

She reached for her jeans on the dingy floor as he zipped up his pants and fled from the stall. 

“Seriously?” Nesta called after him. “Quit acting like an ass.”

Her jeans were halfway up her legs when he left, leaving her alone in the restroom.

Once she was dressed, she left the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was still looking good, hanging loosely behind her in curls. Her makeup was hardly smudged. 

Pulling out a cigarette and her lighter, Nesta left the restroom and fell back into the loud, busy club. She pushed her way through the crowd until she was out the front door, into the parking lot.

When she got to their parking spot, Tomas’ car was gone.

“Fuck!” she yelled, looking around, exasperated, but he was already gone. “Fucking prick.”

She took a drag of her cigarette before running a hand anxiously through her hair. 

It was dark.

She lived five blocks away.

It was not the best part of town. 

She pulled her phone out of her back pocket, but it was dead. Of course.

With a sigh, and a hope that no one jumped her, Nesta began to walk back home. 

Nesta liked the dark, the quiet. She liked being alone.

The only reason she had kept Tomas around for so long was because he was convenient. He bought her whatever she wanted and was able to find the shit that was hard to find. Now, she found all that a ridiculous reason to keep him around.

She dented his pride, and he had abandoned her at two in the morning. 

Nesta walked quickly, looking around her often. She finished her cigarette and tossed it in the bushes, crossing her arms across her chest. 

Behind her, a black truck turned the corner, driving slowly in her direction.

Nesta’s heart began beating fast, her pace picking up, just a little bit. She didn’t want them to know she was afraid, didn’t want them to think she was vulnerable. 

Hopefully, soon, they would pass her and let her carry on with her walk.

She had four blocks to go. 

The truck did not speed up. In fact, as the truck got closer to her, it slowed down more. 

She walked even faster, her feet starting to hurt against the pavement in her thin flip-flops. But before she could panic any further, the truck was beside her, and the window was rolling down. “Need a ride?”

She didn’t look their way. She kept her eyes forward, walking quickly, chin held high.

“Nesta!”

Her eyes shot to the road, where Cassian was looking at her with a curious expression.

Nesta stopped.

Cassian stepped on the brakes. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked, arms crossed. “You can’t just drive behind a woman in the middle of the night on an abandoned street!” 

Cassian raised a thick eyebrow. “Well, I thought it was you from back there, but I just wanted to be sure. Stopping for a random woman would have been creepy.”

Nesta scoffed. “We don’t know each other. To you, I am a random woman.”

“True,” Cassian agreed. “But we’re neighbors and I’m friends with your sister. So. Get in.”

“No, thanks,” Nesta murmured, pulling another cigarette out of her pocket. “I’m fine.”

“Come on,” Cassian said, following her, slowly, as she started to walk, again. “Get in the car. It’s not safe for you to be walking out here alone and you know it.”

“If I get in the fucking truck will you shut up and let me ride in silence?” she asked, turning to meet him, once more.

Cassian took a few seconds to debate it. “Yeah, alright.”

Nesta rolled her eyes as she went to the truck, but when she pulled on the handle, it was locked. “What the fuck?” she looked at him, annoyed.

“Cigarette stays out,” he said.

Nesta’s lips formed a straight line. “Seriously?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, mocking her tone. “This is a new truck, it won’t be smelling like shit. Put it out.”

Nesta scowled, but did as she was told before opening up the door, this time unlocked, and climbing inside.

Cassian didn’t move.

Nesta sighed. “What now?”

“Seat belt,” he said, and she swore she saw humor dancing in those damned hazel eyes. 

She furiously strapped on her seat belt before grinding out, “There.”

“Good,” Cassian grinned, putting his truck in drive. “Do I want to know why you were walking down the street alone?”

“You probably do,” Nesta said, “but I won’t tell you.”

Cassian chuckled. “Fair enough.” 

They rode the next few blocks in silence, Nesta staring at the dashboard, Cassian sneaking glances at her, every so often. 

“I think you think it’s charming when you look at me like that, but it's not, and I prefer you cut it out,” she mumbled, as they pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex.

Cassian shook his head. “I think you think people are looking at you when they’re not.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“Insufferable,” he repeated. “Nice word. What others would you use to describe me?”

He parked the car and she got out.

She was halfway up the first flight of stairs before he called from behind her, “A thank you would be nice!”

Her middle finger greeted him as he started at the stairs behind her. 

“You’re welcome,” he purred. 

Nesta wanted so badly to come back with a retort, to turn around and snap at him, but she didn’t. She was tired. Exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.

All she wanted was to go to bed.

After reaching her apartment and digging her key out of her pocket, she opened the door and shut herself inside. A moment later she could hear Cassian’s door open and close behind him. 

~~~~~

Elain should have been sleeping along with the rest of the city but she had too much energy.

She played her music, softly, careful not to wake her dad.

She did pushups for a minute.

Looked in the mirror.

Did sit ups for a minute.

Looked in the mirror.

Mountain climbers.

Looked in the mirror.

Leg extensions.

Looked in the mirror.

Flutter kicks…

She was breathing hard nearly an hour after she had begun, sweat glistening on her skin.

She stripped off her clothes and after one more glance in her bedroom mirror, she got into the shower. She let the cool water wash over her skin, let it wash away the impurities - the sweat, the stench, the thoughts she couldn’t shake. 

She found her mind wandering all day, those thoughts running wild, after she had seen Graysen’s instagram. 

She was so beautiful, his girlfriend. Long, auburn hair, striking blue eyes. 

She was who he preferred. 

Even when they were together, she was who he preferred. There was a time Graysen had loved her, she knew that, but that didn’t make it any easier when Elain got home early from work one day and saw her little blue car parked in their driveway. 

Elain and Graysen were to be married in two months.

But they would not be getting married anymore. 

Elain no longer warmed his bed, Elain no longer woke up next to him every morning, Elain no longer kissed him goodbye as they both left their home to go to work, to make money, to save for their future. 

Graysen no longer loved her. Graysen no longer found her worthy. Graysen had grown bored with her, bored with the perfect, sweet, Elain Archeron. 

The image still burned in her mind.

She had opened their front door and saw her shoes lying by the welcome mat. Noises of pleasure flooded out of the bedroom, from the bed where Elain and Graysen slept every night. 

Elain would never sleep another night with Graysen in that bed again.

She and Graysen would never share anything again.

Not even the endless void that he’d created in the depths of her soul, nor the voice of insecurity, the voice that sounded a hell of a lot like his, that never left the back of her mind. 

Elain hated him.

Elain loved him.

Elain hated that her love for him wouldn’t fade, hated that she still felt the pain so strongly, too strongly, as if it had just happened yesterday.

As the water grew colder, Elain sunk down into the tub and closed her eyes.

Perhaps she would sleep there tonight. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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@mynewdreamwasyou

@candid-confetti

@my-fan-side

@ifangirlninja

@sleeping-and-books

@burritowithfeels

@morebooks-pls

@sannelovesreading

@halstudies

@amren-courtofdreams

@wifeofchrishemsworth

@goldr0ses

@humanexile

@booksbooksbooksworld

@girl-who-reads-the-books

@mis-lil-red

@shhhimreading03​

@emilyrose111294​

@negativenesta​

@argentumstella​

@itsme-malin

@flora-and-fae​

@feyrethedarklady​

@starryandbooks​

@gingerglides​

@gloriouspaintercreatorbandit​

@6255igntm​

@littlehoneyybee

@the-regal-warrior​

@awkward-avocado-s​

@aelin-rowan-whitehorn​

@julemmaes​

@regular-nessian-trash​

@ugh-avila​

@superspiritfestival

@the-dark-swan​

@girlgotattitude448​

Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Still Hurts

Pairing: Dean x Reader/Jensen x reader

Warnings: Death (noncharacter), Depression, sadness galore, some fluffy Dean, fluff ending, bible scriptures at the end depends on Faith. I am of Christian faith, and spiritual, and have added 2 scriptures to help with grief.

Summary: The reader is in the world of Supernatural, but things at home are still going on. It makes things hard.

Main Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

a/n: My grandma passed away today, of all days Friday the 13th. We knew it was coming, she started going down hill 4 days ago, did good yesterday, was somewhat coherent. But today, she didn’t do good and passed sometime this afternoon. I felt numb pretty much all day, cried off and on. Slowly I’ve come out of the hole to write something mostly for me, but it can be for whoever would need it. Just with the fact, we knew it was coming, makes the pain not any better. Still hurts.

a/n #2: This, this storyline is going to be a little messy but, it’ll be a mix of my Down the Rabbit Hole series and another series that hasn’t even surfaced yet, it’s still in the daydreaming slash brainstorming stages in my brain. But It may be Dean, or it may be Jensen, I haven’t decided yet. Not fully anyway.

~

Still hard to believe, despite being in this mess my phone even works here.

Mom always kept me in the loop, same for Dad, about my grandma. My mom’s mom. I damn near lost myself after my last grandma died. It still hurts now, but not as bad when it’s fresh.

But this, we’ve known it was going to come sooner or later. She wasn’t doing good; she started the early stages of dying a few days ago. Her heart doing weird things. I was waiting for it then.

It never came.

Next day she’s fine. She’s talking, sort of. She’s somewhat awake. She was okay yesterday.

This morning my dad texts me.

‘Grandma’s not doing good today, they’re expecting soon. But I’ll let you know.’

So, while Dean was out, doing a supply run. Sam finding Chuck. Or should I say, Jensen was out on the supply run and Jared was searching for Chuck.

We had just finished up in Alaska, now we’re just trying to keep busy. Slow Chuck down.

I decided to do house chores. Keep busy, keep my mind at bay.

“Jared, I’m gonna do laundry, need anything washed?” I asked.

“Hmm?” he asked, coming out of a haze from searching. “Oh, uh, sure. I have a hamper; it should be ready.” He says. Getting back to searching, waving me off.

I nod.

My Supernatural phone buzzes. It’s Jensen, screen comes up as Dean. Texting me.

‘Need anything from me?” he asks.

‘That time of the month has passed, I’m good. When it gets closer I’ll do it. I don’t want to do that to you.’

‘You can’t plan ahead on what we’ll be doing. Just send me a pic of what you use, I’ll pick you up a few packs.”

‘Um, sure. Hang on.’ I send, as I head to the bathroom. Shooting a picture of my package of pads and sending it to him.

‘Don’t get lost Priestly.’ I send with a smile.

‘Oh, harty har, har, you think you’re so funny. Dee does that all the time to me when I offer her the same thing.’ He texts. Sending a few laughing emojis.

‘Okay, be home soon. I got food for supper if your up for it.’ he sends.

‘Wonder what it could be?’ I text him. Already curious about food.

Since being thrusted into this whole shit show. My ex friend, somehow turned into a mad scientist was able to break the realities. Make dimensions, portals to them. He made Supernatural real somehow. There was a period for 13 seasons the boys blamed me for created it. Because fan fictions, anime shows would be mixed in with the stories. Make their own episodes of them. They hated me, didn’t trust me. Until I couldn’t take it anymore, when we gone through episode Advanced Thanatology, instead of Dean injecting himself. I just yanked the needle out of his hand and killed myself. After that, things got better but it still feels forced. Then again, I could be miss reading it, as always.

But since that day, Jensen’s been strangely nice, Jared…he tries but Jensen’s seeming like he’s forcing himself.

I get the clothes loaded in the washer; I clean the bathrooms. I clean our rooms, make our beds and such. Dust.

Then my other phone vibrates. I’m getting a call. It’s my dad.

“Dad, what’s wrong?” I asked. Knowing deep down in my gut somethings wrong. He never calls, moments in this show when shit hits the fan back home he’d usually text me.

“Grandma passed away just an hour ago. I just got done telling my boss, I’m on my way home. I know you’re still in there with those guys. But, don’t tell them. Chances are they’ll just hurt you. I still don’t trust them.” He says.

“She’s gone.” I said, my chest feeling heavy. My eyes feeling the heavy, hot tears surface.

“Yes, sweetheart she’s gone. She’s no longer suffering.” He says. “That’s all that matters. She’s up there with grandpa, she’s not suffering. We’ve known it was going to happen.” He adds.

“Yeah, but…it hurts.” I said. Sobs are now wanting to break me.

“Y/N, you need to try to hold together until you can get into your room. I would kill to be there to hold you, mom too. But, we can’t. We’re here, dealing with it. But you deal over there, just put yourself back together, come home. In one peace, try not to kill yourself again. I know it hurts. But once your home, we can help you heal too.” He says.

“Thanks dad. I’ll try.” I said.

And I hang up after we said our goodbyes.

Everything’s clean enough. I thought.

I’ll keep doing laundry. It keeps me away from the boys; besides, I have all their clothes. I’ll fold, put away, and then hide and break down. I thought out my plan. That’s what I’ll do.

Point of view switch [3rd person]

Jensen walked in with the groceries, all in each arm, making it in one trip. Jared meeting him in the kitchen.

“So, what’s for supper?” He asked.

“Y/N found this recipe of her mom’s; I want to try it. Grown up Mac and Cheese. I just had to buy the pasta, she got everything else last week.” Jensen explained.

“Sounds yummy, she’s doing the laundry.” Jared said.

“Cool. I’ll give her, her stuff and she can get cooking.” Jensen says.

He makes his way down the winding halls, no sign of her in Jared’s room, but there’s signs she was there. His clothes were neatly folded on his bed.

He checks his room, same deal. Neatly folded clothes on his bed.

He heads to the laundry room, she’s not in there.

“Well, where the hell?” he asks himself. Maybe her room. He thought.

He gets to her door, but stops himself from knocking when he hears crying behind the door.

“Hey,” he says gently. “Hey, Y/N,” he says again with a knock. And slowly opens her door.

“Not now.” She says, her voice shaking from the crying.

“Sweetheart, what’s got you crying?” he asks kindly.

“What do you care, leave me alone.” she cries.

“Y/N –”

“I said get out!” she shouts, throwing a pillow at her door. Making Jensen shut it.

Jensen stood there, baffled by her outburst. And heads to the kitchen.

“Dude, what’d you say to her?” Jensen asks.

“What?” Jared asks. “Nothing, why?” he asks him.

“I went to her room, found her crying. She threw a pillow at me to leave. I don’t know why she’s crying.” Jensen explains.

Jared shrugs. Clearly, he didn’t cause her pain.

Jensen’s personal phone buzzed. It’s his wife.

“Hey baby.” Jensen answers.

“Jay, her little brother just reached out to us. Her grandma passed. She’s hurting. And her parent’s don’t trust you guys. They think you’ll still hurt her.” Danneel explained to her husband.

“Probably after treating their daughter like shit for 13 seasons, driving her to the point to kill herself, I don’t blame them. But, we’re trying. Or I thought we were. Guess we’re not trying hard enough.” Jensen says.

“Hey, don’t talk like that. You just need to keep assuring her. It’s her you’re trying to regain that trust. Just, try again. Either wait for the crying to stop, or just, do something you would do if your sister was hurting. Or your own daughter. Just, I hate seeing her like this Jay, maybe you guys cook that dinner for her.” Danneel says.

“We’ll think of something baby. Love you.” Jensen tells his wife.

“Love you more. Now go cheer our girl up.” She says. Ending the call.

“What’s the plan?” Jared asked.

“Well, the recipe is right there on the island. I guess, start cooking. I’ll go try to piece her back together if I can.” Jensen says.

“Don’t push too hard.” Jared advises.

“I know man.” Jensen says.

He makes it back down to her room. Hearing it’s silent behind the door he knocks.

“Hey, sweetheart, you okay in here?” he asks.

“Go away.” She says weakly.

Her light was on, she was curled into a ball in the center of her bed. The pillows surrounding her, minus the one she threw earlier.

“No can do sweetie, my wife and your little brother want us to take care of you. And besides, we hate seeing you hurting.” He says.

“I don’t trust you, now leave.” She says. Her voice cracking.

“Um, something tells me, you really don’t feel that way.” Jensen says. “But it’s okay to protect yourself from anymore harm. Whether it’s physical or emotional. But I promise you, I’m not here to cause any more pain. I’m here to put you back together.” He adds.

He hears her let out a sigh. Defeated. He takes that as his cue to enter fully, and take a place on the edge of her bed. Her head, near his lap.

“Your little brother contacted my wife somehow, told us what happened. Loss is never easy.” He says.

Seeing her face distort again with pain, she starts crying again.

“We knew it was coming.” She sobbed. As she hid her face in her hands. Letting some sobs rack through her, she sits up. Taking a deep breath.

“We,” she starts again, trying to breathe. “We’ve known for a little while. I mean, she’d have good days, bad days. But one day, she…she…” a sob began to surface.

Jensen placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, rubbing up and down her arm. “Shh, it’s okay.” He says quietly.

“She got worse; her heart started doing something. She was dying, but then the next day she was fine, and she was okay. Same for the day after that. Then today, dad tells me she’s not doing good. And not, two…three hours later, she’s gone.” She explained.

“At least she’s at peace, she’s not suffering anymore. That’s all that matters.” Jensen says, his hand not leaving.

“I know. But just because we’ve known, doesn’t mean it makes the pain that much easier.” She cries.

“I know it doesn’t. It just means you love her. But you have to remember her as she was when you last saw her, remember her at her best. Don’t think about the bad, the depressing stuff that’s happened along the way. Think about the good times you had with her.” Jensen said.

“God, it’s like that episode Cas has with Jack. About appreciating the time we all have together now. And that the pain, is…is because I love them. And the pain is awful, but it’s also living. But…” she began to trail as sobs racked her again.

“Don’t…please, don’t finish that sentence.” Jensen says. Tears of his own surfacing.

He doesn’t like seeing this. People crying over loss, losses so close to home. Especially people he cares about.

“I know it hurts; I can’t imagine how much it hurts right now. But you can’t give up, you can’t stop fighting now. You have to keep going. Do it for her. Do it for you. Take a knee sweetheart, you need to heal. And this kind of pain, it doesn’t have a set day of when it’ll go away. But it does get better. Once your better, let us know. And we’ll get back to hunting again, because the faster we get this done, the faster we get home. But for right now. Our focus is you.” Jensen explains. Giving her a kind smile.

She returns it, forcing it some. She casts her gaze down as some more tears escape.

‘C’mere.” Jensen says, bring her in his arms. Hugging her, holding her tight. Her face in the crook of his neck. It’s only then her walls come tumbling down fully.

“Let it out sweetheart, let that hurt out. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Just cry it out.” He tells her softly in her ear. He can feel her tears hit his neck the longer she cried.

It was a good long while she cried in his arms. He just started rocking her gently in his arms.

“There she is.” He says, seeing her peer up from his shoulder.

He takes his finger, gently wiping a finger across her cheeks, catching any stray tears that fall. “Feeling any better?” he asks.

“Just numb, and drained. Not sure if I can eat now.” She says.

“Well, you haven’t had anything all day. At least try a few bites.” Jensen encourages. She nods. “Atta girl.” He says.

“Knock, knock.” Jared says entering her room with bowls of her mom’s mac and cheese.

“You made this, I thought I was…” she trails.

“You were dealing with your own issues, wanted to help out a bit. Plus, I already tried some. This shits good.” Jared says.

“Is that why you only brought in two bowls?” Jensen asks.

“Yep.” Jared says shamelessly with a big grin.

Jared handed Y/N her bowl, and Jensen his. The smell from the bowl caused her stomach to growl.

“Sounds like your starving, eat up.” Jared says, leaving the room.

“At least try, could always snack on something.” Jensen says.

“I am starving, I’m not numb to that. Just, it’s like my light is gone. I mean, yeah Jared did make me giggle there a few seconds ago. But it’s like…” she trails.

“Need a recharge?” Jensen asks.

“Yeah. I feel so drained. And I’m running on empty. Things that’ll make me laugh is a 50/50 shot now, if I do laugh, it will only feel good for that split moment. Afterwards, I’ll feel shitty again. I don’t want to feel shitty.” She says.

“Then, what do we do? What’s the Winchester way?” Jensen asks with a knowing smirk.

“Always keep fighting.” She says with a tired smile.

“There you go.” He says to her, kissing her forehead. “Now, lets eat, I’m starving.” He says getting up to the kitchen. Y/N following suit.

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

~

Dean/Jensen tags:

@luci-in-trenchcoats, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @mlovesstories, @winchesters-favorite-girl

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 11/13/2020

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The French Connection Job

leverage 5.04

Eliot: I know what you're gonna say, Nate, but I want to tell you something about Toby. He taught me how to use a knife.

Nate: Use a knife?

Eliot: No. Not like I use a knife. He taught me how to cook. I was out of the service, and I was working for my second PMC. And the jobs we were taking were way across the line - past extractions and security actions.

Nate: Wetwork.

Eliot: Yeah. Anyway, I met Toby. We were reconning this restaurant in Belgium. And I should have closed him out. I should have been in and out in under 90 seconds. But I ended up talking to him for three hours. He showed me that I could use my knife to create instead of destroy. I stuck around for a couple of months. He taught me everything there was about the art of food, and I... He's one of the guys that kept me from falling all the way down. So now, I'm asking the other guy to understand why I'm gonna help him

HES BABY PROTECT HIM PLEASE

- - - - -

Eliot (stops him): Whoa. (gestures toward delivery man)

Hardison: What?

Eliot: You got to tip the guy.

Hardison: For doing his job?

Eliot: Hardison, he rode all the way over here on a bike to deliver your...

Hardison: That ain't nothing special. He got some exercise.

Eliot:...Dungeons & Dragons crap you ordered.

Hardison: He didn't bring me no cupcakes, no flowers, cards - nothing. You want a tip, little Stanley Tucci-looking... (give man change) Boom, boom, boom. Two quarters, two pennies. Go buy your mama something

eliot makes sure hardison gives tips because he’s a genuinely good guy

- - - - -

Sophie: I know it's short notice, but our celebrity chef just dropped out, and the network think you're a perfect replacement for the U.S. launch. The show is called "From Pole to Plate: Cooking with Strippers." Hmm? - But we haven't sorted the accommodation yet, so you'd have to live with the strippers to start off with.

Chef: Hell, yeah.

LMFAO HE WAS G O N E

- - - - -

Eliot: Food is life. Learn it. You will take this class seriously. Because if you don't, I'll throw your ass out of here quicker than you -

Hardison: I get to fire a laser. Yeah. Geeking in the kitchen. Uh, make you want to dance.

Eliot: We're here to cook food, not play with lasers

eliot is 0.000000005 seconds away from flipping his shit

- - - - -

Nate: How, um - how do you like being in Portland?

Parker: It's fine. Hardison and I are fine, and everything with the new Leverage is fine.

Nate: Parker, what's going on?

Parker: I just - I don't have a thing.

Nate: What do you mean, "a thing"?

Parker: Eliot has a thing. He loves food. Sophie loves theater. You have a sicko love of controlling people.

Nate: I don't have a sicko love - Let's stay on you. Art. What do you - what do you see when you look at Michelangelo's David?

Parker: Mark two laser grid around it, infrared on the floor, need a harness rated for six tons attached to a chopper to lift it out through a skylight

she’s BABY alright she just wants to feel

- - - - -

Eliot: Nate, I already swept the kitchen twice. There's no drugs. (to Hardison) Did you find anything?

Hardison: I think I did, man. Check it out. (fires gun) What? Wha- what? What?! Hey. Think about it. Levitating food could replace waiters.

Eliot: I will stab you in the neck.

Hardison: Don't hate the barbecue. Hate the sides.

sometimes eliot doesn’t know how he puts up with hardison and it shows

- - - - -

(Eliot is working in the kitchen, talking to Parker who is sitting at the bar)

Eliot: I'm gonna turn this place from a microbrewery into a gastropub. What do you think about that?

Parker: Teach me to like stuff.

Eliot: Parker, I don't have time for this, all right? I got to get this stuff done. Then I got to get back to the school

her sad, rejected face KILLED me

- - - - -

(Eliot puts a plate of food in front of Parker)

Parker: It's just food.

Eliot: It's not just food, all right? Some people could look at it and see just food, but not me. I see art. When I'm in the kitchen, I'm - I'm creating something out of nothing. You know what I mean? And sometimes, I crush it. Sometimes, it's crap. But either way, it makes me feel something.

Parker: Feel what?

Eliot: Just... feel.

Parker: Feel. Okay.

Eliot: You know, I didn't feel anything for a long time, and Toby taught me how to cook, and after he did, I started to feel stuff again. That's why I share it through my food. This is my art. This is my art, Parker. It's like letting a stranger in your head just for a second. And you allow them to feel what you're feeling. (pushes plate closer to Parker) Look again

he put off going to the kitchen to cook for parker and have a honest talk with her

he cares, your honor

- - - - -

Eliot: Parker can do it.

Parker: No, I can't. I don't even like food.

Parker: Except for chocolate and doughnuts.

Eliot: Listen to me, Parker, you can do it, all right? Remember everything that we talked about.

Eliot: Nate, she can do it.

Nate: Yeah, okay. So, Parker, you're the food critic.

eliot believes in her so much my heart is s o f t

- - - - -

hardison was legit eating a wholeass baguette and I’ve never vibed with someone SO HARD in my LIFE

- - - - -

Sophie: Oh, is it organically grown, ethically sourced, organically local?

she looks and sounds like everyone in my college town it’s ridiculous

- - - - -

Sophie: Parker, let's give them some micro-expressions. When you take your first bite, just give a hint of a smile. Remember, the key is micro.

(Parker takes a bite and doesn’t enjoy it)

Sophie: Well that didn't work.

Nate: Okay, so, what's wrong?

Sophie: When someone really smiles, then their eyes wrinkle up. You know, you just can't help it. But if a smile's fake, then the muscles - they don't contract.

Nate: There isn't anything she likes or can connect with.

Sophie: Parker, this time, when you take a bite, think of the first time you stole something.

(Parker smiles and Lampard relaxes)

Nate: Yeah, listen - Lampard needs to see some anxiety in her, you know, just to have him stick around.

Sophie: Parker, take a bite, then blink, then think of... jazz.

(Parker takes a bite, then starts gagging, spitting out the food. Lampard scrambles to her table)

everyone trying to get parker to find something she likes makes me WEAK they all love and support her so much just the way she is

- - - - -

eliot casually beating up the goon in the kitchen is an aesthetic

- - - - -

Eliot: How's it taste, Parker? You feeling anything?

Parker: The salsa verde is a nice marriage with the spring rolls, but while totally yummy, I just feel like... I should be feeling more

...

Parker: I can taste garlic and mushrooms. And something else that makes me feel different.

Hardison: Wait - was that for me? 'Cause I-I don't get it.

Parker: No. It's the food. I get it. I feel something

nate and sophie smiling at parker saying she feels something ,,, eliot being proud of her

- - - - -

(As Hardison turns, Rampone grabs Hardison and begins choking him)

Hardison: I'll bite you. I'll bite you!

(Hardison bites Rampone's hand and pushes the man back before running for the door)

Hardison: Nate, coming in hot

honestly biting people works

- - - - -

Rampone (looking at Eliot): Spencer, right? I thought I recognized you.

Eliot: Everybody out - now! (to Hope) Good job tonight.

Hope: Thanks.

(Eliot grabs a small bottle and sprinkles the contents onto a plate of food)

Rampone: See, the whole hippie thing threw me off.

(Eliot puts a plate of food on the edge of the counter)

Eliot: I'm gonna eat that when I'm done with you.

Rampone: Yeah, you were a good operator, if I remember correctly.

Eliot: It's a different guy.

Rampone: Bad attitude.

Eliot: Same bad attitude, though. You hurt my friend, Rampone.

Rampone: I should have killed him.

(Rampone reaches behind his back as he sprinkles spices on the plate of food. Eliot moves aside the tail of his shirt to reveal a knife)

Rampone: Like I'm gonna do to you.

(They both pull knives and begin trading slashes, hitting each other's blade. Rampone picks up a plate cover to use as a sheild. Rampone slashes Eliot on the arm and kicks him back. Eliot looks at the wound, then gestures Rampone forward)

Eliot: Come on.

(Eliot kicks Rampone, knocking him onto a counter. Rampone knocks him back, they continue to trade blows, knocking each other back and forth)

eliot is a different, better guy now and he ain’t dealing with your bullshit

- - - - -

Eliot: Not only did you and Lampard ruin my friend Toby's life, but you ruined the lives of the kids he was trying to help.

Nate (walking up): Eliot - Not worth it. Give him to the cops.

Rampone: Call off your dog. He's crazy.

Eliot: Crazy? I'm gonna cut your freaking head off and serve it on a platter.

Rampone: Call him off.

Nate (slowly walks closer, says softly): That's enough, Eliot.

(Eliot slowly releases Rampone and steps back)

Rampone: Thanks.

(Rampone swings at Eliot, who catches his fist. Nate punches Rampone, knocking him out)

Nate: Serve his - his head on a platter, huh?

(They begin to walk away)

Eliot: Was it too much?

Nate: No, actually, I liked it.

Eliot: I felt like it was a lot. Like, right when I said it, I felt like I may have gone too far.

for a second I was scared eliot was lapsing but I should have known better

- - - - -

Messenger: Package for... Alec Hardison.

Hardison: Oh, yeah. Got myself a laser.

Eliot (returns): Absolutely not. Don't give - don't sign for that.

Hardison: Don't sign for...? Hey, do you know what we're gonna be able to put on the pub's menu? On the pub's edible menu?

Eliot: Nate, you know...

Nate: Yeah, I know. You want to stab him in the...

Hardison: Stab what?

eliot: fOoD iS mY tHiNG

hardison: but EXPERIMENTAL food

eliot: *is ready to throw down*

- - - - -

Eliot: Where is Parker?

Nate: Oh, uh, she's, um, on a little trip.

[Museum]

(Parker lowers herself on a rope into a darkened room to look at a small sculpture. She smiles)

HER S M I L E

[you-did-well-moon]

The Warmth Provided (2)

Type: Fluff, Angst, Crack, college au, friends to lovers au

A/N: The second part is here!! Which means we only have one more part to this little series! Disclaimer, not all requests I receive will end up like as big as this. Lol y/n keeps on with her booboo the fool antics in this one as well. At this point, idk if Sungjin and y/n will even stay friend jk yes I do. Don’t be afraid to talk to me and enjoy!!

TW: Reader neglects herself, awkward situations, toxicity and unreal depiction of Sungjin

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3

You scrambled to bend down and look under the table seeing the whole time you had been touching and rubbing Jae’s leg which was right next to the actual pole. You quickly pressed your legs to the front legs of your chair. Shock made your chest tighten and a cold feeling settled in the pit of your stomach. You apologized to Jae through your fingers which you had slapped on to your mouth when you saw what you had done feeling your face grow unbelievably hot. 

Jae was able to squeak out an accepting “it’s ok” to your insistent apologies, clumsily standing up and saying he had to go to class which you knew was a lie because you remembered he didn’t have class until hours later. He practically ran out of the cafeteria.

You sunk down in your seat burying your head into your hands feeling your body tremor with embarrassment and shame. You felt the need to be in your apartment snuggled into your bed and away from the other people in the cafeteria who you unrealistically felt were all staring at you although no one had actually seen what happened. 

 You were so sure that even if you were able to keep your feelings from Jae, you had just unintentionally still put a little strain on your friendship with the accidental game of footsie. You were so flustered and eager to get back to your dorm, you forgot Sungjin’s hoodie in the chair which had been next to yours. 

Instead, Jae’s jacket kept you warm on the walk back to your apartment. 

/-/-/-/

You pushed your face farther into the pillow pulling at your hair. No matter what you did, the embarrassing scene that had happened earlier that day kept replaying in your head, also filling your head with insecurities you had not had to face in a long time. You really hoped Jae had gotten over it and didn’t hold anything against you. 

You weren’t even sure you could turn up to your wednesday sociology class you had with Jae when you were so embarrassed. You really felt like just staying in bed instead of having to face the consequences of your clumsiness, but no, you knew you had to face reality like the responsible adult you were.

You screamed into the pillow. Who were you kidding? You still ate Cheerios and drank Capri Suns. You were the farthest thing from an adult a person could possibly be. You sniffed feeling shame still taking route in your chest. Missing one day for that class wouldn’t hurt right? 

A loud sound blared against the shell of your ear making you jump and gasp,  making yourself sit up and fumble around for your phone which had been right next to your pillow. You jumped off your bed, the alarm on your phone being a reminder for the fact that you had agreed to meet up with Sungjin and Dowoon at the coffee shop a few blocks from campus next to a cute little antique store. 

“I’m such a mess” you muttered, dragging yourself off the bed and taking a look in the mirror. You shrugged at your reflection deciding all you really need to do was brush your hair since it had been messed up while you tossed and turned wallowing in self pity on your bed.

You looked around for your shoes not finding them where they usually were at the foot of the bed before tripping on one of them when you remembered you had thrown them at the wall in frustration. Somehow you still managed to make life harder for yourself while crying about making life hard for yourself. You did not find any amusement in the irony of the situation.

You slipped on your shoes tying up the laces trying to make sure you wouldn’t accidentally step on them. What you were wearing was good enough to go out in public. It was a simple crop top paired with some ripped jeans and hightops. Simple, but you barely had time to finish your cheerios that morning so spending any more than five minutes on your outfit was out the question. 

You brushed through your hair making sure there were no stray hairs sticking out from the top of your head or any other parts of your hair. Checking the time, and you realized you had around 15 minutes to get to the cafe, and the bus ride usually took ten minutes. You made sure you had your wallet, phone, and other essentials grabbing the closest jacket you could find (which was thrown over your desk chair), and you dashed out the door excited to see your friends and eat the yummy treats the cafe had to offer. 

You also couldn’t wait to whine about what had happened with Jae knowing Sungjin would do his best to console you, probably more scolding than anything, and Dowoon would laugh at you. You didn’t notice you had taken Jae’s jacket until you were already on the bus, and Jae’s pine vanilla scent was the only thing your nose took in  making your chest thrum with warmth. 

You accepted your fate wincing and ducking your head, tugging the jacket tighter around you not having the nerve to take it off when it was so cold in the bus. Why couldn’t you just pay attention to what you were doing for once in your life.  Now you were stuck with your crush’s jacket, the same one you had embarrassed yourself with, and the cologne was now the only thing your mind could focus on.

The scent that surrounded you made you feel a sense of peacefulness calmed by the notion of the comfort you always felt around Jae. He made you feel safe, but you wished he wouldn’t have the ability to make your emotions go into such a frenzied mess. Being in love was hard sometimes, but you guess it was worth it if it meant hearing his laugh, or seeing his smile.

You were snapped out of your love struck thoughts by the bus abruptly stopping forcing you to check which stop you were at only to rush to the doors once you realized you were at your stop, shouldering past people and muttering apologies you scrambled down the steps checking the time on your phone. You had gotten there with about two minutes to spare. Luckily, the bus stop was only two buildings down from the cafe, so you didn’t have much to walk. 

In your short walk to the quaint cafe, you took some time to appreciate the sense of home the little town gave you.

The sun was sinking peeking out from the canopy of trees in the park just a few minutes away from the street you were on. People walked up and down the sidewalk laughing amidst their individual conversations, and the bushes lining some of the stores’ windows bristled with the fresh afternoon breeze. Purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows coloured the sky as the sun was starting to give way to the moon. You couldn’t stop the serene smile making its way onto your lips at the seemingly peaceful night.

You instantly spotted your two friends at the corner of the room closest to the bookshelf covering the wall it was placed against. You bounded up to the table smiling in greeting and putting your things down next to Sungjin. 

“I’ll be right back, i have to go order” you were going to turn away but a hand around your wrist stopped you. “Don’t. I already ordered for you” You turned around confused at Sungjin. He knew your order and had memorized it a long time ago, but he hadn’t ordered anything for you in years. You opened your mouth to thank him, but your words died in your throat when you saw your best friend’s expression. His eyes were glaring a hole into a spot on the table, and his eyes were hooded with his lips pressed into a tight line. 

You felt worried. You knew that look. He only got that look when he was mad at you. It didn’t really happen often. Last time it happened was when you lied to him about being at home when in reality you were walking home from the library very late on a cold night. 

You wracked your brain for something you had done wrong but came up with nothing. You looked at Dowoon for help who was sipping on his drink with a pitying look in his eyes. He raised his eyebrows at you before gesturing next to Sungjin at the ramen hoodie placed there. 

You squeezed your eyes shut feeling your chest dull with guilt. You peeked an eye open at Sungjin agitatedly shifting in your seat. 

“How did you find it?” you questioned giving a small smile at the waitress as she came to leave your order. You poked at your food pouting because you just felt your appetite basically disappear. 

Sungjin vaguely gestured at Dowoon, still not looking at you. You looked at Dowoon who shrugged. “I saw someone I know carrying it to the office, probably to the lost and found, and I recognized it. Took some convincing to the person, but honestly do I look like a thief? Especially that ratty old thing. Like hell i’d ever wear that.” Dowoon scoffed, truly unbelieving and dodging a paper napkin Sungjin threw at him.

“That ratty old thing is what you use as a pillow half the time punk. Y/n stop playing with the food and eat it like a normal person.”

You gave a wide eyes stare at Sungjin wondering how he knew you were doing something he could scold you for. You refrained from being too surprised.  After All, at this point in your relationship he could tell how you were feeling just by a look in your eyes . You shoveled a big piece of your dessert into your mouth hoping it would save you from having to answer any questions or talking in general. 

“I very specifically told you to give me my hoodie back yet you went and took it with you, even losing it! I mean you did the first thing I told you not-” Sungjin finally turned around to face you, tone like that of a mother before abruptly cutting himself off. You turned around, your mouth still stuffed from your dessert. You saw his gaze focus on the jacket engulfing your smaller frame feeling an icy kind of shame run through your body. 

You shifted your body away as if trying to hide the jacket that quite literally hung off your body with how big it was. It was already big enough on Jae, and there was no exception with you.

“Why do you have his- Jae’s jacket?  Since when are you so close he’s giving you his jacket?” his wobbly voice made you awkwardly chuckle taking a long sip of your drink. 

“Well” you awkwardly chuckled, “I was eating lunch with him and his friends, and they noticed your hoodie and started acting really weird so I took it off. Then the cafeteria was really cold and I really couldn’t stop myself from shivering, and Jae tried giving me his jacket and while he did that I kinda realized i’m in love with him. Then, we sat down and I also kinda played footsie with him” somewhere along your answer you had started rambling, so to shut yourself up you shoved the entirety of what was left of what you had ordered into your mouth.

As you kept chattering, Sungjin’s eyes grew wider, and his mouth fell further open. 

“It took you this long to finally realize you’re in love with him?” Dowoon’s genuinely amused question was drowned out by Sungjin’s whisper yell “You played footsie with him?” you winced shrinking in your seat. What was supposed to be soft bread now felt dry and harsh as you swallowed it.

“It was an accident” you nervously played with your hands “I thought his leg was the pole under the table” your eyes flickered up at Sungjin dumbfounded expression before going back to your empty plate. “That’s the part where you’re supposed to laugh,” you muttered.

“I really don’t understand how someone can have such a small amount of brain cells” Sungjin’s dumbfounded expression changed as he leaned in to the table putting his chin on his hand and looking out the window. You couldn’t see his face, but you took note of the sad smile on his lips. You knew your best friend, and you knew he was trying to play something off by joking around. Sungjin always did that. If he felt awkward or was trying to hide something, he joked around to ease whatever tension had taken a hold of him.

You felt trapped. You and Sungjin have always had so much communication in your relationship, and you always told each other what was on your mind even if it was a silly thought. You told each other everything, but these past weeks he seemed to be keeping so much from you. 

Were you losing your best friend? 

Maybe he had finally grown tired of you. Your insecurities stopped you from reaching out to him and asking him what was on your mind when a few days ago you wouldn’t think twice from cheering him up. You felt a pressure building up in your chest making it hard to breathe. 

Dowoon’s low voice spoke up paired with an anxious smile as if he himself could also feel the distance enveloping the two close friends. “What else did you expect? This is Y/n we’re talking about '' You and Sungjin both laughed, but it was strained. 

The rest of your time was filled with an unusual silence between you and Sungjin with Dowoon trying to make conversation, yet neither of you really indulged in Dowoon’s attempts at lighting up the mood only replying with small hums and chuckles. 

You were too busy thinking about what could have possibly put such distance between you and your friend of years, and if you could fix the quickly diminishing relationship. Meanwhile Sungjin was too busy thinking of how he was already losing you and preparing himself for the inevitable point in time where you would leave him without looking back happily walking away in Jae’s arms.

You said goodbye to each other with tight lipped smiles. You guys had always said goodbye with a tight hug and a promise to see each other later. 

On the bus ride home the pressure in your chest turned into heaviness weighing you down with uncertainty of what would become of you and your friend. No, not your friend. Your brother. Part of your family. You really didn’t know how you could live without him. You thought you were dumb. Would Sungjin really leave you like that? Without explanation nor reason? You felt stiff changing into your sleeping clothes and as you collapsed onto your bed. 

He hadn’t even called you peaches.

You didn’t really get much sleep. Thoughts of having to face Jae in your class the next morning and thoughts of why Sungjin was acting so off tossing and turning in the space of your tired mind. You hoped maybe you could just sleep through the whole day not having to deal with your crush or your best friend. Your reasoning being that It was friday, and you deserve a break. You knew that was a stupid reason, but you had no energy to really think of anything. The uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach wouldn’t lighten up no matter what you tried. 

You would have to eventually face both anyways, and you knew it was absurd to avoid what would only fester and burden everyone involved the longer you let both situations be. You wished for time to turn back to normal when everything was normal. When you didn’t know you had totally fallen in love with Jae, or when you hadn’t done whatever you did to piss Sungjin off to the extent of him treating you so coldly. 

You honestly didn’t really want to return to a time when you didn’t acknowledge the feelings you have for Jae. Knowing what the warmth feeling in your chest was when you were around him was such an amazing feeling and just being around him made you happy, but it was hard not knowing whether he felt the same or not. By association, your mind traveled back to earlier that day when you had basically felt him up and you groaned scrunching your eyes tugging your blankets tighter around your frame in search of comfort. 

You tried thinking to a time when you had gotten any sign of him returning your feelings,  but it was hard to come to any kind of conclusion when he acted so friendly with everyone. It was difficult to decipher whether how he treated you was any different to how he treated others. It was one of his qualities you had fallen for. Even if he is feeling uncomfortable himself, he always tried to make other people comfortable and his generous friendliness had never failed in him gaining many friends. He always put himself after others trying to make their days brighter by doing and saying all kinds of foolish things. 

Jae lived to make others smile. It was one of his favorite things to do. He loved bringing happiness to those around him, but he also never failed in listening and offering words of encouragement to whoever needed it. You knew because he had done it all for you. He had made you laugh and lifted up your mood on multiple occasions, but he had also never failed to offer a hand of support when you needed it. 

Looking at the time on your phone you sighed seeing you would have to get up in about two hours. You closed your eyes forcing all thoughts out of your head and being able to fall under the blissful blanket of sleep. 

You woke up two hours later body feeling heavy with no energy at all and a faint tiredness making your limbs weak. You threw on some ripped jeans, a hoodie, and some converse after you got out of the shower. Your movements were slow and your feet dragged as you got ready for the class so exhausted you walked right past Jae’s jacket hanging off your chair which you had sworn to return today.You also forgot the important fact that the class you were going to was the one with Jae in it. 

You didn’t even bother eating anything knowing your body would only feel weaker later from the lack of nutrition, and your stomach would push against your ribs in protest to your choice of not eating anything You were just  too depleted in energy to really put any effort in taking care of yourself. You walked out of your dorm building simply nodding at people who greeted you too worn out to give your usual greeting and smile in return. You yawned the whole time you walked to the science building which was luckily not far from your dorm. 

You walked sluggishly, at a much slower pace and vastly different from the bouncy stride you had on a daily basis. You were too beat to really pay attention to any of your surroundings with your mind set on autopilot not really thinking of anything but how heavy your shoulders and head felt. Everytime you blinked it stung with the need to shut your eyes for a longer amount of time to rest both your body and mind. 

You fought to keep your eyes open, but even the chilly wind blowing against your face was not enough to stir any energy in you. The colorful leaves seemed monotone at that moment, their vibrant colors usually making you feel an excited little tingle in the base of your stomach, but today the colors just seemed to mock you with the vigor they danced and twirled with which your weary body could only wish for. 

You entered your class with a huff shouldering your bag into a more comfortable position while searching for your usual seat. You froze when you remembered this class was Sociology. The one and only class you had with Jae. You could already see his fluffy blonde hair, and his hunched form in his regular seat to the left of yours.

You hung your head letting out a tired exhale simply accepting your demise. You walked down to one of the rows near the front groaning as you fell into your seat and immediately buried your head into your arms relishing in the nice feeling of getting to close your eyes. You felt someone staring at you and you tried ignoring it, but you couldn’t stop the prickling sensation at the back of your neck knowing who it was. 

You slightly raised your head so only your eyes were peeking up from your arms meeting Jae’s worried eyes which instantly widened at the dark bags under your eyes and the paleness taking over your usual lively face. You shoved your face back into your arms, body slumping into an uncomfortable position. 

“You look like-”

“Don’t”

“-hell”

“Gee, thanks Jae for your encouraging words” you mumbled into the sleeves of your hoodie too tired to really snap back with your usual sarcasm. It was silent for a minute before gentle hands were shaking your shoulder and a sharp voice was telling you to get up. You grumbled since you were finally falling asleep even in the limb numbing position you were in. You sat up slouching in your seat and pouting at Jae who simply rolled his eyes digging into his bag. 

He took out your favorite snack and you figured he probably stopped by the convenience store again. He pushed the food towards you looking expectantly at it. You simply narrowed your eyes just wanting to curl into the warmth of your hoodie and sleep. Jae narrowed his eyes back at you tightening his jaw and crossing his arms. He pushed the packaged snack closer to you to which you simply clasped your hands together in your lap. 

“Eat”

“No”

He tried once again, voice firmer. “Eat”

Your response was the same. “No”

“Y/n” You knew the call of your name was a warning. 

“I’m not a child Jae” he slightly nudged your foot with his. “Then stop acting like one”

You stayed silent determined to get your way until Jae suddenly leaned closer making your breath catch. You avoided his gaze, but he ducked closer to look into your eyes holding the food with one hand and softly grabbing one of your hands to place the food into it. “Eat it. Please”

You shook your head letting out a small smile and ripping the packaging open. “Well when you say it like that” only getting met with an earnest “Thank you” when you put the first bite into your mouth. 

“What about you? Have you not eaten” your words were muffled from the food in your mouth, but Jae just let a chuckle rumble his chest. “Aww is tough little Y/n worried about me?” you started choking, mouth set into a frown from trying to fire back with a comeback forgetting you were in the middle of swallowing your food at the  moment. 

He let out an airy laugh this time patting your back and fixing his glasses. “I’ll be fine Y/n, just eat loser. I don’t want to hear your stomach grumbling the whole class period, it’s annoying dude”

You let out a miffed grunt only making him laugh again as he settled in his seat. The professor finally came in immediately telling the students about how his dogs had eaten his books (covers and all), so we only had to take notes today while his new shipment of books got delivered.

You finished the snack feeling a little better with food in your stomach, and brushing yourself off. You didn’t notice that Jae had taken off his hoodie until he held it out to you. You looked at him confused and he mouthed “Pillow”.

You gratefully smiled at him giggling when he winked at you and whispered “I’ll cover for you” much alike to what you said on the first day of this class when you two officially met. You missed the slight tint to the tip of his ears when you snuggled your face into the soft fabric of his hoodie much more comfortable with something supporting your head. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep, and you were so deeply asleep you didn’t feel when Jae brushed the hair from your face finger lingering on your cheek bone. 

You didn’t notice the soft looks he gave you every once in a while slightly smiling at your peaceful expression while writing the notes which he would give to you sooner or later probably blackmailing you into going to the new barbecue place in town. If you heard him right now, you would laugh. He didn’t need blackmail  for you to spend time with him. 

He just didn’t know that. 

Jae felt like he could breathe easier. Your cheeks were regaining some of their color, and the crease between your eyebrows had disappeared with your mouth falling slightly open. Your chest rhythmically rose and fell giving him the assurance you were having a restful and fittless sleep. 

He knew you had trouble sleeping sometimes, so he was glad you were finally getting a nice chance to catch up on all the sleep you had lost. Jae briefly wondered what it would be like to wake up next to you, cute lidded eyes adoringly staring at him and giggles spilling from your  pink lips as he playfully tickled you. 

Jae shook away the thought clearing his throat to calm the pounding of his heartl. His torment was luckily cut short from the professor’s voice calling out the end of class. 

He took extra time putting everything back in his bag, even putting your things back into your bag because he wanted you to sleep as much as you could. He eventually shook you awake with gentle hands heart fluttering in his chest when you slowly blinked your eyes at him stretching and thanking him. He offered to walk you to class which you took with some teasing. 

“So there’s a party tomorrow the boys and I planned” he started off words feeling heavy on his mouth. Maybe this could finally be his chance. 

You hummed before letting out a light gasp, “Ah, it’s one of those famous parties you guys have where you can only go if you were invited by one of the boys from the frat right?” 

Jae slowly nodded his head turning to look at you. “Have you not gotten invited yet?”

You shrugged your shoulders pursing your lips. “Sure I have. Sungjinnie and Dowoonie have invited me a thousand times. I’m just not much of a party person”.     You didn’t see the tick of his jaw when you said their names so affectionately before he shook it off with a goofy grin.

“Ah yes, what do you do? Sit in your room and watch Princess and the Frog for the millionth time” he scoffed nudging your shoulder with his. 

You nudged him back harder causing him to stumble. “Hey! don’t hate on Princess and the Frog you fool. It’s timeless, so get educated before I force you to watch it until you’re so sick of it, you won’t even be able to look at a frog” your ramble made him throw his head back and laugh fixing his glasses as his eyes crinkled. 

“Would you come if I invited you?”

“That depends. Are you inviting me?”

He stopped at a vending machine nervously swallowing but calmed by your usual teasing demeanor. 

“I am” the lump in his throat didn’t allow him to say much more than that. “Then yes, I’ll be there” you had to bite your lip from smiling too widely ignoring the excitement floundering in your chest. 

Jae couldn’t control himself, a wide smile overtaking his face as he got two drinks handing you one and ruffling your hair. “Great, I would have had to never let you eat my Starbursts again if you said no.” You rolled your eyes no longer fighting the beam on your lips looking at your favorite drink in your hands feeling nothing but happiness bubbling in your stomach. 

He started walking away when you called out to him, your eyes shining mischievously. “You better not leave me alone. I get lonely drunk” His laughter rang around the hall while he turned his head to smile brightly at you. “Wouldn’t dream of it”

He turned back around apologizing to someone he almost bumped into. You clutched the drink in your hands, the smile on your face still not leaving. At that moment, you really did feel like you could run for miles if it meant having Jae smile brightly at you like he had just done. Your chest drummed with a light kind of elation. You had never looked so much forward to a party than you did for the one happening tomorrow. 

You texted Sungjin when you got to your dorm. 

You: im going to the party tomorrow

You:  any advice??

Bob: I didn’t invite you?

You: Jae did…

Bob: Oh

Bob: See you tomorrow then

You stared at your screen confused beyond belief at Sungjin’s weird behavior blissfully ignorant of your best friend’s inner turmoil as he was given further proof he was “losing” you. You hadn’t accepted one of his invitations since the start of the year. You took a deep breath trying not to snap at him in text messages frustrated by his cold attitude. You simply decided you would confront him tomorrow at the party having enough of him acting so distant. 

You would absolutely not lose your best friend. Not Sungjin. Not like this. You were interrupted by a sound notification from your phone.

Bawk Bawk: Plz get at least 5 hrs of sleep today nerd. 

Bawk Bawk: I don’t want to be dragging around a zombie tomorrow. 

You: Yeah yeah whatever mom

He simply sent a meme of Younghyun rolling his eyes making you huff out a laugh as you put your phone to charge being able to fall asleep at a much faster rate than normal. 

[jay-and-dean]

I don’t need you  Chapter 5 : Home

Dean x reader

Summary : She’s a warrior, she’s a loner. Nothing can stop her, nothing ever had. She doesn’t need Dean, does she ?

This is a request by @magssteenkamp​ that I decided to turn to a serie, see the original request on the serie Masterlist.

Serie Warnings : Swearing (duh). Mention of death. Smut, probably all kind from rough to fluffy, I’ll precise in the chapters if there are specific warnings. Fluff. Angst of course.

Chapter warnings :  Swearing. SMUT, unprotected sex (you are smarter than this !) and I don’t know... a hint of angst and fluff ?

Words : 3.4 k (Yeah, I know... but smut...)

Note : I’ll try to stick to the 3k rule, like for Rescue You

If everything goes as planned, you’ll get one chapter every wednesday (Thanks to @magssteenkamp, I call it WednesJay, lol. Sorry okay, I shut up).

***Want to read more ? => MASTERLIST***

*** I don’t need you MASTERLIST***

_________________________________

5.      HOME

 Dean’s Pov

             She doesn’t say a word.

           Her pale face turned toward the car window, I can see how bad she’s trying to stay strong. If only she knew she doesn’t have too. I will never think she’s not, this woman is among the toughest person I have met, and nothing will change how I see her.

“Y/n…” I say cautiously, my hands tight around the wheel. “Can you tell me what happened ?”

She turns to me, her tired eyes piercing me, she clears her throat and takes a deep breath.

“I… woke up surrounded in flames. They found me, they found my address, my work… And they decided the war wasn’t over” her voice is calm but her body is tense. “I passed out after…” she stops, looking down.

“Yeah…” I just say to encourage her. “I’m glad you woke up in time.”

“They don’t have magic fire so the flames were eating the entire building, people will lose their home, or be hurt or worse…” she turns to stare absent-mindedly at the road. “Then I thought… If they found my apartment, they found my identity, so I ran to the bar and it… They locked the doors from outside and set it on fire. Joe was working this night, Lina too… Because of me, the main hunter shelter of center city burned, with the hunters in it.”

“It’s not your fault” I state, knowing this won’t reach her heart ; I heard that a thousand times myself, and never believed it.

“And the cops, they will make the link” she continues, ignoring my words. “I’m used to hide, but not both from monsters and the authorities.”

“They won’t find you, I’ll make sure of that.”

           She doesn’t answer but her stomach gurgles loudly.

“When was the last time you ate ?”

“I don’t know… Two days ago or something like that” she opens her hand to stare intensely at her palm. “I didn’t call you right away… I wanted to get through this myself but…”

“Hey Y/n, you can’t do this alone, no matter how… well badass you are. You need a team. I am your team now… We are. And you need to eat.”

“I have nothing left, Dean, not a cent, not a toothbrush, and all my work is gone” she sighs.

“I have fake credit cards and a home I don’t have to pay. Sweetheart, let me share.”

             I turn right, to that mall big ads praise for a few miles now, trying to make believe you could find everything that could built your happiness here.

In our case, maybe that’s actually true.

While she gets out of the car, her hands around herself, looking to the entrance in a frown, I grab my bag on the backseat, and find the green jacket I was looking for.

“Here” I state, giving it to her.

She hesitates but takes it in a sigh after a look to her corset, and the goosebumps on her skin.

“Thank you, Dean…”

I smile.

I know it’s a pretty awful time to smile but I can’t help it, being able to take care of her just makes me happy somehow.

           This place is huge, colorful, noisy, and I’m pretty sure she hates it as much as I do. But we need a few items.

“Take this” I say, handing her one of my fake credit cards. “First we eat something, then we go buy the things you need to stay with us a few days or weeks” I state, not giving her any choice to decline my offer.

           She just nods, biting her lips. She’s not used to ask for help, and I can see how uncomfortable that makes her, so I try to act as casual as I can, even with my heart pounding in my chest because of that pain I feel for her… and that persistent desire.

           In the little diner inside the mall, a loud group of teen and a tired waitress. Y/n’s steps are unsure, and I can only imagine how exhausted she is.

           The waitress doesn’t even look at us when she approaches, and Y/n doesn’t look up, her eyes on the table, a hint of shame in her eyes, something I hate deeply.

“I’ll take a bacon cheese burger and a coffee please” I say, hoping she would know what she wants, but of course, she mutters something about only a coffee. “Two bacon cheese burgers, please.”

She lifts her eyes on me and sighs.

“I’m not eating alone” I shrug.

           She eats pretty slowly, and by the time she reaches the pickles in the middle of it, I’m done with mine. I try not to stare at her but everything she does, every move, is fascinating to me. She licks her fingers, she’s not doing it on purpose, cautiously trying to eat cleanly… and it’s even better.

           Eating gave her a little strength. I’m sitting on the chair of the store, waiting for her to choose a few panties, jeans, maybe a t-shirt or two. I can see she only picks necessary things even though I repeated her several time that it was not, technically, my money.

           Going through my phone, I read the articles about the fire, but nothing is more detailed than what she said for now. They don’t seem to have made the link to her yet, or at least, the media don’t know.

“I’m done” she appears in front of me, a bag hanging in the end of her arm, my jacket too big for her, hiding her hands, the shoulders seams falling too low on her arms.

“Do you need anything else ?” I ask, getting up.

“I guess you have soap at home, considering you don’t stink too much” she gives me a corner smile and it warms my heart.

             She’s fighting sleep. I try all I can to make her feel comfortable, but she is still fighting, her eyes struggling to focus on the road.

“You can sleep” I state, my voice hoarse for saying nothing for a long time.

“I know” she smiles kindly.

“Do you want to stop for a few hours ? I could use a little rest too you know.”

She turns to me and frowns.

“You drove seven hours in a row, and you’re driving back… You must be exhausted” she whispers. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay sweetheart” I chuckle at her concern. “There must not be a lot of motels around here, but I’ll find one.”

She looks down and smiles, nodding for herself.

“What ?” I ask, intrigued.

“It’s stupid” she tries to sweep my question away but my whole face insists, so she surrenders. “When I was… When I had no home, I used to dream that you would… show up, and that I could share a motel with you” her smile fades and I swallow. “Because it was so much better than the street…”

“I’m sorry I never showed up before” I state very seriously but she starts to chuckle to make that moment fade.

“I actually never went to one, it will be a first” she smiles now, her mask back in place.

             She puts the store bag on the bed and looks around.

“I’m officially a Supernatural character.”

I smile, entering behind her.

“I’ll take the other room” I say looking in my hand for the right key. “I’ll go buy food, you take a good shower…”

When I’m about to go out, she stops me.

“Dean ?” I turn around, instantly high on her voice saying my name. “Can you lend me a knife or a gun while you’re gone ?”

 Reader’s Pov

             I sit on the bed, trying to take in everything that’s happening, staring at the ugly decoration, waiting for him in my brand new sweatpants. I never wore this kind of pants before, but I never lived with someone, so I figured I couldn’t sleep in my underwear as I usually do.

           The shower really helped, and now I use Dean’s shower gel, it seems that the entire room smells like him. I look at the green jacket and take it in my hands, playing with its collar while I list the events in my head. Playing the scenes over and over, like it could give them a sense.

           My phone rings, and I look at it, plugged on the nightstand. It’s a number I don’t know so I just stare at the screen, not making a move.

“Did you know” Dean says, suddenly entering the room with a white plastic bag in his arms. “That this shithole doesn’t even have a store ! Only a Gas station !”

My eyes follow him, amazed by this way he has to move, so Dean, like it was described in the books. I get up, tugging at my brand new black t-shirt, to help him with whatever he found.

“So on tonight’s menu, Madame… Coke, chips” he gets everything out of the bag naming them one by one. “Twinkies… this thing, whatever it is, Cheetos, M&Ms… and that.”

“Yummy” I chuckle, frowning at the packs in front of me.

“You need to sleep” he states. “I’ll be in my room.”

“No” my voice is a little too enthusiastic. “Maybe we could eat together before you go to sleep…”

He smiles.

           This is a simple smile, but it makes my heart miss a beat because of how pure it is. His wrinkles highlighting it with the charm of his age, wearing every adventures he lived like crowns of bravery.

           He’s not the young impetuous wolf he was in those books anymore, he grew in the best way possible : nobly.

           And still the afraid little girl inside is exited to meet her superhero, because he really is exactly that.

           I can’t let myself be blinded by that smile… Life doesn’t work like that.

“I swear this stupid town, not even beers ? Come one !” he grunts, putting all the packs on the bed, before sitting on it. “Can’t wait to be home.”

I sit next to him, enjoying the sight of his large, manly hands grabbing those tiny M&Ms to stuff his mouth with it.

“Tell me about your home” I say, crossing my legs.

He turns to me, a serious look on his face, searching for his words.

“It’s my very first home…”

“Yeah” I nod, remembering the books I read a hundred times.

“It’s huge” another, tinier, smile. “And it’s legacy…”

           While he explains how he got the key to that bunker, I nibble on the little balls of chocolate, trying to keep my mind off the deaths I caused, and fighting the urge to yawn, because I really don’t want him to think he has to leave right now. I’m exhausted, but I desperately want him to stay.

           His story is fascinating, and for me, it is a fairy tale. Discovering you own a place like this, after a life of roaming… It was the best my brave hero could get after the end of the books. I spent my life trying to build a home for myself but maybe I just don’t deserve one.

           Like I don’t deserve that friendship Dean is offering me so naturally, his whole tall body spread in the bed so casually, as if we had been close for years. His long legs crossed, heavy shoes on the mattress, his elbow holding him up, turned toward me, bathing me in those legends that belong to him with such a simple trust.

           Flashes of my phone call to him fight to come back, and the more I try to chase them, the more I remember my body craving, clenching around my own fingers in frustration.

           And it’s already too late.

           I’m suddenly too aware of his arms muscles flexing to grab the chips, of the leather belt at his waist, resting on the little piece of skin showing there, of the perfect line of his jaw and his delicious smell.

           There is something about Dean Winchester. Something that has nothing to do with this deep respect I have for him, with the fascination I feel for a hunter so legendary, with that trust I could give him way too soon and the one he is offering me without any question…

           It is something physical that I never thought I would feel. Sex, for me, was always a way… A way to pass time, not be alone, let go some stress, forget, or even manipulate –even if I’m not proud of this one-. It was never a need.

           Dean makes me want, that’s annoying enough. But the bastard makes me need.

           I have to get rid of that, before my brain mixes it with this stupid hero myth it created, and start confusing want with feelings. I really don’t need feelings…

           I put the M&Ms down and lick my lips.

Get rid of that need.

Take what I want and make him fall from his pedestal.

“Dean…” I cut him in the middle of the British Men of Letters story, and he looks up at me while I sit up.

If he doesn’t want that, he’ll make a sign or say a word, but I heard he’s still pretty fond of one night stands.

           In a deep sigh, I loose no time, and get closer to straddle his lap, the simple gesture of spreading my thighs above him, without any contact, starting a fire inside me.

“Y/n…” he groans low, his pupils dilating right away and his face changing radically, from a friendly puppy to a wolf in a split second.

           His hands firmly grab my waist, the pure strength irradiating of him already making me drip in anticipation.

           I bend and, for a second, I see he’s ready to kiss me. But I won’t kiss him. I won’t indulge in giving him this tender gesture, something that might let him think this is anything more than sex.

Kisses are too important.

My lips find his neck instead, and I sensually roll my body on his while they start to suck at it.

“Y/n” he lets his head fall on the pillow and lifts his hips a little, pressing his crotch between my legs in a help back moan.

“That phone call left me craving for the real thing” I murmur in his ear.

“Me too…” he groans, his fingers digging in my thighs harshly. “You have no idea…”

           I finally sit on him, fully enjoying the hard feeling of his too full jeans on my folds, starting to rub through the fabric, desperate to finally feel in there.

“Fuck, don’t tease me” his voice is hoarse, veins showing on his neck that I want to kiss.

           But kiss is too important.

           So my hands find his belt, and while I open it, I stare at his mouth, agape and plumb, and at his chest going up and down.

           The second the belt and the button of his jeans are open, he lifts his hips to wriggle and push it down with his underwear, just enough to free his cock.

           I want to kiss it too… And its veins are calling me like the veins on the side of his throat. But instead, I wrap my hand around the velvety skin and lick my lips, guiding it to my still covered entrance, just to tease both of us, his precum joining the wet stain between my legs.

“The real thing, Sweetheart” he grunts, unable to keep himself from pushing up in my hand and against me.

           When I move again, it’s only to take my sweatpants and panties off, immediately straddling him again.

“Fuck yes” he moans, his piercing eyes between my legs, and his lip between his teeth.

I’m high.

A drop of my own juice falls on the head of his cock heavily, and I know I’m already panting but I don’t really care.

           Taking his length in my hand, I lift my hips, starving for him, and push the head to my entrance.

“Shit” I gasp, feeling my body resist just a little before it swallows the first part of him hungrily.

“Oh God, Y/n…” he cries out, short nails digging in my sweating thighs.

           It only takes me a few seconds to welcome him entirely, stretching myself faster than usual because of how wet and eager I am. And when I do, I don’t lose a second.

           Placing my two hands flat on his chest, I start rolling my hips, grinding, and finally bouncing up and down in haste, unable to get enough of the feeling of him so deep inside of me, twitching hard and stretching me with no mercy.

“Sweetheart, easy…” he pants. “Or I won’t l-last long.”

But I’m too far gone, and I want him to come so bad.

In my high, I start needing things I never thought I needed : I want him to let the wolf out, to push me down on that mattress and take everything, to force a kiss on my mouth, to make my defenses shatter…

“Fuck… Dean !” I moan loud, my stretched out arms still keeping me from being too close to that temptation that could break me, too close to that dangerous man.

“Yes… Yes… Fuck…” he praises, now closing his eyes tight, his daring huge hands going under my shirt to hold my waist, his thumb digging in my ribs.

           And, surprising him totally, I come first ; hard and brutally in a desperate groan.

“OH MY… F-F-FUCK” he cries out, feeling my walls strongly clenching around him and my restless thighs crushing his hips.

Grabbing me fiercely by the neck, he makes my lips crush on his, almost making us break some teeth, while he empties himself deep inside of me, not really kissing me, but panting and biting my lips and moaning with his jaw clenched.

           This is the hottest thing that even happened to me, and my orgasm becomes so long I’m afraid I might pass out… My face now buried in his neck, I hold on to his shoulders.

             Then nothing. Silence and heavy breathing ; his hand lazily stroking my back slower and slower.

           I wait a minute before I grab his softening cock to take it out in a hiss… and a few more minutes before I dare looking up.

           He is asleep.

           I smile for myself, adoringly admiring his face, and take a deep breath.

You had it. It’s over now.

           I get up slowly, and grab my pants, along with the key to the other room, looking one last time to him.

I really hope it’s over now.

             He didn’t say a word when he came to my room to wake me ; and he didn’t say a word in the car during the four hours drive left to reach the bunker. He gave me the rest of the snacks from yesterday with a smile, a coffee in a plastic cup, and put some music on…

             By the time he enters the garage, my heart is beating fast. I’m nervous for so many reasons, overthinking everything.

Hoping it wouldn’t damage our young friendship. Hoping I won’t feel like I felt in the shelters I tried a long time ago. That I won’t be a burden, that I will have my freedom, that I will find the vampires that killed the closest I had to friends, that I will win this war…

           When I enter the bunker for the first time, my breath gets stuck in my chest, and my eyes can’t take everything.

This place is a palace, and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

           And when Dean kindly offers me a visit, I understand the true value of it, and I have to hold back my tears :

It is not its size or its warmth that makes it a true home. It’s the perfect details that are witnesses of the life going on here.

It’s the glass that someone forgot on the table, the phone charger lazily dangling from the wall, the smell of coffee in the kitchen, the flannel on the chair of the bathroom, the toothbrush stain in the sink, Sam’s smell coming out of his bedroom, the post-it that says “Jody bday Friday”, the initials carved on the library’s table, the pie in the fridge…

And Dean’s voice. Dean’s voice calling me to show me the control room.

His voice so new to me, and yet so familiar.

That’s what makes it a home.

And I wish I was legacy, that it could be my home too…

________________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

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[orangetail-works]

A Phoenix and a Raven: Fear

A/N:  This one takes place just after the wedding in Ulstead when everything began to calm down and people began to reflect on what was lost.  So, yes, there are spoilers for the sequel on this one.  The prompt for this one was a combination of different dialogue options.  I went with what I thought would provoke some feels.  It gets fluffy, you have been warned.

Chapter: Fear

Relief.

That's all he felt when he saw her with Aurora, both standing tall and so alive.  His little fledgling and his mistress were happily hugging just feet from him.  Aurora was safe in her mother's wings and her mother was alive and very much herself.  He stopped to their side and couldn't think of what to say to either one of them.

Maleficent was the first to say anything, “I missed you.”

Relief fell from him as confusion took its place, “Did you bump your head, then?”

Her eyes lifted up slightly as if in thought and she nodded tightly, “I did.”

For once in a very long time, he had no come back for her and only breathed out a whisper of what could have been a laugh.  His face softened and he shook his head at his luck.  They were going to be just fine.

That was hours upon hours ago.

Diaval now sat on the railing outside of Maleficent's chamber in one of the Ulstead castle towers just reviewing the day through his mind. Since the end of the wedding he hadn't been more than ten feet from her at all times.  He didn't want to lose sight of her as he had an overwhelming and irrational fear that if he couldn't see her, she would disappear once again.  And that this time she wouldn't come back.  He didn't have to worry as she never left him behind.  She stayed close by Aurora and Phillip for the most part.

When he did take a few steps away to gather drink or food for them he would turn back to find her eyes searching for him in the small crowd around her.  He would retake his place at her side and offer her some of the food he had just gathered which she would take easily.  If he was in his raven form he would have rubbed his head against her cheek to remind her that he was never going far from her again.  As it stood, he was in his human form and could only offer her the snacks from his plate or a warm look to ease her worries.

A few of the Dark Fey would come and talk with her, meet the almighty phoenix who defeated death and were introduced to her very human-like raven.  She would grin politely, but he felt her tense at their many questions.  She hated the extra attention.  On top of that, it was her daughter's wedding day, not any special day of Maleficent's. Something akin to her protectiveness toward Aurora would bubble near the surface as some of the Fey, still not aware of human customs would go so far as to completely ignore the bride.  Maleficent's temper could be seen through her eyes as a light sheen of green would overcome her irises.  Diaval would be quick to put a supporting hand at her back and she would relax instantly, her feathers brushing against the back of his hand as they resettled.  Always her savior from herself.

Now, here he sat on the balcony as his mistress made ready for bed inside.  Down below, he saw the many campfires of the Dark Fey as they camped for the night.  Many would begin their journey to settle in the Moors come the morning.  Then there was also the grieving to be had.  Both sides lost entirely too much in Ingrith's war.  He, himself almost lost his whole world.  For a few heart shattering moments he actually did.

“Just what are you thinking on so intently?” Maleficent asked from the doorway into the room, “I have barely heard anything from you all evening.”

“Day's events mostly,” Diaval answered and turned to her.  She had unwrapped her hair and it laid over her shoulders on either side of her slender neck.  Her black dress was changed out for a heavy night shift that was probably borrowed from Aurora or one of the many ladies in waiting.  He noticed that it was one that had tied in the back, thankfully perfect for her wings.  He also noticed that it was much too plain for her to wear.  She deserved something more, but she still made anything look beautiful.  Her bare feet lightly tapped on the stone work underfoot as she took a few steps toward him.

“You're staring,” she frowned slightly and pulled at some of her hair over one shoulder.  

“Apologies, Mistress,” he bowed his head to her and then jumped down from the railing to stand at her side.

“Just what about the day were you thinking on?” she asked for conversation sake.  She needed distraction that Diaval often provided, “The yummy cakes and food that you pilfered during that hasty reception?”

“Pilfered?!  You say that as if those tasty morsels weren't meant for me,” he smirked after he noticed the light tilt of the corner of her lips and shook his head, “No, I was actually thinking on you.”

“On me?” her brow lifted in curiosity, “How so?”

“In the fact that you disappeared days ago, and that you reappeared just as suddenly and weren't really you,” Diaval took a deep breath and turned to look out over the hamlet of Ulstead and toward the hills of the Moors, “Then you died.”

Maleficent looked down at her hands that were folded on the railing that he had been seated on, “I came back.”

“That you did,” he nodded and turned to lean back on the railing to face her.  He looked her over and saw the same Fey that had saved his life more than two decades prior.  Her eyes downcast, a little lost and a bit sorrowful.  He shook his head just a bit, “... but you didn't know that you would.”

“You would have rather that I let her kill Aurora?” she asked with a growl and turned her head from him.

“Of course not,” he bit out and rubbed at his eyes in frustration and exhaustion, “I would have undoubtedly done the same.”

“Then why does it upset you?” she turned back to him, looking a little more worn than she had ever before.

“Why?” he asked with a little laugh in his voice and looked away toward the sky, “I don't know.  Could it be that when you fell from the sky and disappeared, I fell too?  Shifting in the air between man and raven, unable to know where you were or if you were injured. Wondering where you were for days  and hoping that maybe you had just left and weren't-”

He stopped himself and then began to pace the small balcony.  He licked at his lips before he continued, “Then you came back and all I wanted to do... was something I couldn't do as a bear.  And then the moment that you were gone- that you died... I turned back into a raven.  I turned back into my beautiful self and tried -desperately tried to fly to that tower.  Because I knew that something happened to you.  Something was gone from inside me and I didn't feel like me anymore.  Something was missing and my whole world stopped.”

His legs ceased pacing as he paused in his tirade and looked at his hands as if they were still his wings.  Wings that were only able to fly him measly feet from where he had fallen down as a bear.  Wings that weren't as impressive as he once thought.  Wings that were no longer hers because she was gone.

Maleficent didn't move from her spot at the railing as she knew that this was something he needed.  He kept this inside all night to make sure that Aurora would remember the good of her wedding day.  She knew this because she had done the same.

“Diaval-”

“I am not done,” he put up a finger toward her and finally turned to her, “For those agonizing moments that you were gone.  I was afraid.  I realized that you were dead because it didn't feel like it was when you were missing.  It didn't feel like it did when you disappeared.  It felt like everything changed for the worse.  It felt like nothing... numb and empty.  Where you had given me so much more soul and being was just gone.”

His breathing was ragged as he stood in front of her, his eyes glossy, but no tears fell.  He rolled his shoulders and shook his head as he took his turn to look at his hands, “And then you were back.  This exquisite, majestic phoenix that silhouetted the sky. Everything that I lost in those moments before rushed back- then I promptly fell to the ground back in a man's form. My face flush against the lawn.”

She couldn't help the small snicker that came unbidden.

He looked back at her with a sad smirk on his face, “It took me a moment or two to realize I needed to get back up to run.”

“Away from me?” she finally spoke, a slight crack to her voice.

“Towards you,” he corrected with a confounded look.

“Didn't you say that you were afraid?”

“When you weren't there, yes.  As a phoenix, you took my breath away.  You were the most amazing bird I had ever seen.  Your voice shook the very foundation of all of Ulstead.  Your wings caught and saved Aurora.  And your feathers, though they were black as night, radiated in beauty.  I was in awe of you.”

“Awe can go both ways,” she turned away again and faced the open air of the night.

He heaved a breath and stood directly beside her, his shoulder touched hers, “There is only one thing in the world that I'm afraid of.”

“Me?” she asked half joking and half seriously.

“Losing you,” he said confidently and risked to grab her hand in his.  His fingers curled around hers and he brought her hand to his chest.  Her breath hitched slightly and she spun her head to look at him.   He looked back into her eyes with hope, “I felt what it was like to lose you completely.  I now know for a fact that I can surmount anything that this world throws at me, as long as you are still in it.  Please don't leave it again without taking me with you.”

His hand squeezed hers and she felt what had to be tears gathering. She took a shallow breath, “Do you know what my biggest fear is?”

“Losing Aurora?”

“Besides the Beastie?” she nodded as she acquiesced to the exception as it was probably one of his as well.  He shook his head as he didn't have another guess.  She put her free hand on her heart and looked him directly in his eyes, “This.  This, that's happening right now.”

His brows furrowed.

Her hand left her chest and cupped the side of his face, “I am so afraid of everything that has to do with love, that I refused to see it in your eyes.  Until now.”

“So, you're afraid of me?” he asked, his eyes narrowed in the attempt to understand.

“I could never be afraid of you,” she shook her head, “I am afraid of what I may do to your heart and to my own.  I am so afraid that love will always lead to disaster.  My love will always lead to a horrible end.  That's why I am afraid.  Because I will hurt anyone that dares to love me and I am not worth it.”

Diaval dropped the hand he had held against him.  Both his hands came up and held her face gently so that her eyes didn't leave his.  She looked so defeated that she didn't even try to fight against him.  He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers and took a deep breath in through his nose to take in her scent.  He felt her hands grip at his wrists.  She didn't try to pull away, she didn't try to escape him.  She pulled herself closer to him and his warmth.

“You are worth it all,” he said slowly and didn't release her gaze, “You are worth the million and one shifts from bird to human – to horse – to bear – even to dog.  You are worth every moment that I am without my feathers.  You are worth everything.  You are worthy of love.”

“Even of yours?” she asked quietly.

“You're the only one worthy of mine,” he answered with a smile, “I love you and I refuse to let this end horribly.  It won't, because it won't end.”

She searched his eyes quickly and then leaned forward to catch his lips with hers.  Her hands tightened at his wrists so he wouldn't run from her, but she didn't need to as his hands tenderly ran in through her hair and pulled her closer.  The kiss broke a moment later and he nudged the side of her face with his nose much like he would do with his head as a raven.

“What do you fear now?” he whispered.

“Losing you.”

“Then you have nothing to fear.”

[veilbetweendreamsandreality]

Tangled Fairy Lights

A/N: This is my contribution to Day 23 of the @holidayblindspot Winter 2020 challenge. Jeller and Bethany find themselves snowed in and attempting to return to (a new) normal after the events in Iceland. Post series 4, AU. I haven't written fan fiction for a while, so apologies if this seems rusty. Please enjoy my last Blindspot fan fiction of 2019.

***

'We are putting a crown on springbok plushie. He can be one of the three wise men.' Bethany stated as she helped Jane pull out some little decorations from the overflowing cardboard box. The stuffed animal in question had been one of the little girl's belated birthday presents after Jane had resolved her conflict with Remi.

Jane pulled out a tangled ball of fairy lights. Lips pressed together. Damn it Kurt, you had one job. 'Does he have a crown?'

'Oh, not yet.' Bethany looked down at the plushie and set it down on the couch. Pine needles scattered across the floor as she dug around the box for her favourite set of snowman decorations dressed in different winter attire. One in a bobble hat and mittens, another wore a ski mask with skis on the bottom; the third was in "classic" snowman attire with a top hat and scarf. 'Yay, they're here.'

The three snowmen sat on the coffee table as Jane and Bethany worked to find the end of the fairy lights. Inside Jane chuckled. Bethany's little tomgue poked out in concentration, like father like daughter. With both ends located, the pair turned their attention to the mess in the middle.

Snow battered the door to terrace and blanketed the outside in a fresh layer. A white Christmas in both New York and Colorado was the perfect weather for the pair get into the holiday spirit.

'Did you send your letter to Santa sweetheart?'

Bethany nodded. 'Mommy helped me post it the day after Thanksgiving, so it reaches the North Pole in time.' She beamed, tugging at a knot. Eyebrows knitted in frustration.

'Have you made the Nice list?' Jane teased as her stepdaughter huffed and yanked at knot, only tightening it. Another yank, another tightened knot. 'Here, let me help. Try and push it, as though you are undoing laces from the middle of the shoe. Gentle.' Bethany scooted into Jane's lap as they worked on easing a knot together, 'See?'

'Now, this should be your daddy's job, so we are going to leave the lights and go through the box of decorations and decide what we want on the tree this year.'

Bethany shuffled off Jane and looked into the box.

'Is Mister Weitz still being a meanie?'

'He's taken a step back for now, but will always be a Scrooge.' Jane replied, lifting out paper angels Bethany had made the year prior back in their apartment, as Allie watched over. 'These angels are going up.' She carefully placed them on the coffee table.

'What's a Scrooge?'

'Ebenezer Scrooge is a character in A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. He's a bitter man with a cold heart. Hey I tell you what. There is a Muppets from Sesame Street version. We can watch that later if you want?' Jane helped her pull a bauble off the tangle of fairy lights.

Bethany grinned and nodded. 'Kermy! Froggy.'

The pair giggled as Jane scrunched up her face in an attempt to mimic the famous frog's "anger" face. The girl collapsed on the carpet in a fit of giggles.

Laughter rang out as the latch of the front door, opened with a soft click. 'Daddy!' Bethany rushed headlong into her dad's legs; Kurt chuckled. 'Hey Bee.' He held his arms out as he juggled with the bags of groceries. Arms stuck out, as his fingers attempted to navigate inside the thick red and blue snowflake pattern mittens Jane had bought him as a stocking filler the previous year.

Kurt set the shopping down on the kitchen counter. 'Did you girls start without me?' Scooped up in his arms, 'Yep. We did. Should my springbok be a wise man?' Bethany put a thumb in her mouth in thought. 'If you want Bethany, he can be a wise man.'

She paused, 'You look like a melting snowman Daddy.' Kurt looked down at his winter jacket, the melting snow dripping off the sleeves and fluffy scarf. He pushed his hood back to remove the woolly hat, a matching set to go with the mittens. 'Huh, I guess I do.' He grinned, his nose numb from being outside for a lengthy period of time.

Weller looked at the floor from the dropping pine needles to the tangle of fairy lights. 'Was I supposed to-?' 'Yes you were,' Jane cut her husband off; hands on her hips. Accompanied by a smirk. 'I'll sort out the shopping.' His expression sheepish, careful to reposition Bethany in his arms.

'Then myself and Bethany are going to making cookies, and watching the Muppet version of Scrooge.' She stole a quick peck on the cheek, before pulling out a handful of carrots of the bags - into the bottom draw of the fridge.

'Are you don't to help me with the lights sweetie?'

The girl shook her head. 'No. I help Mamma Jane with food.' She folded her arms.

Jane chuckled, reaching for the dairy free butter from the hessian bag. 'You can grab the rolling pin before untangling the lights.'

Kurt scowled and grabbed the rolling pin from a high cupboard. He sat his daughter on the counter and strained as it rolled to the back of the cupboard. Only Rich would put it up here. Perhaps I stood consider changing the locks; again. With a grunt Weller grabbed the pin and handed it to Jane.

'Thank you dear.' Jane replied, placing it next to the bag of flour. Bethany watched from the counter as her stepmother put the groceries away, passing items from the bags.

The warmth of the heating hit him as he untucked his scarf and shrugged off his white - now grey from the damp - coat. The scent of cinnamon tickled at his nose as Jane buisied herself in the kitchen. Cosy, warmth, home.

Kurt knelt on the floor and pulled at the fairy lights. The knot tightened. He picked up another section and poked at it, his picky looped through and wiggled it until the tangle loosened. One down, numerous more to go. Tongue poked out, he threaded through the knots and teased a handful more out.

Jane placed two mixing bowls on the counter, and turned to the counter's occupant. 'Ready to make cookies sweetheart?' She settled Bethany onto a chair. She nodded and pushed the ingredients to make aquafaba towards her stepmother.

In the middle of mixing Jane and Bethany looked up to watch Kurt wrestle with the fairy lights, muttering under his breath as he ended up with an ankle caught in a loop. The man grumbled as wriggling his foot only made the situation worse. The pair suppressed laughter as Weller toppled over onto the rest of the lights.

'Thanks for the support girls.' Kurt stated, sarcastic in his tone; and held up a thumb. He groaned and gingerly sat up.

'You can diffuse a bomb, but you can't untangle fairy lights?' Jane asked rhetorically.

Bethany leant over to grab the dough. 'Now we roll it out.' Jane nodded, 'Do you want to choose the cutter you want?'

'Snowman!' The little girl pulled it towards her, beaming.

'Very apt.' Jane placed flour onto a board and dropped the dough, pin in hand. She started to roll it flat, Bethany's hands on top of hers. Once the dough was flat enough the pair pressed the cutters into the dough.

Once the cookies were cut and prepared, Jane placed them into the oven. Bethany hopped off the chair and sat next to Kurt. 'Are you okay Daddy?' She played with a handful of pine needles and watched the white outside.

'I think I'm almost there. I just hope the electric doesn't go out. Did you send your list in time?'

Bethany nodded. 'Did you send yours in time Daddy?' Kurt nodded, as he continued with undoing the knots.

The pair looked up as the front door rattled. Rich poked his head around the door, a familiar voice followed the hacker. 'Knocking is the polite thing to do Rich.'

'PATTERSON!' Bethany squealed running towards the door. Rich opened the door fully as the child collided with the blonde.

'Hello Bee.' Patterson crouched down and let her squeeze.

Rich entered the apartment and watched as Jane placed the rack onto the counter. 'Oh yummy.' He reached out to grab one.

'No!' Bethany squeaked. 'They need to cool and decoration before eating.' Rich stopped mid-air and blinked. He looked at the hot cookies at Bethany and back to the cookies. Dotcom lowered his arm.

Jane laughed as Rich let his arms hang loose. 'You can decorate a cookie if you like. But Bethany is right. Let them cool first.'

'Would you two like coffee?'

Patterson sat on the couch and picked up the springbok. 'Thank you Jane. Tasha texted, her and Edgar are on their way - the snow storm is turning into a blizzard. Reade is finally on crutches and out of the wheelchair, however the doctors reckon he will never be able to walk properly again. They are keeping tabs on his spine, but we're hoping it's his legs themselves that are affected. Field work won't be an option until at least the summer.' She sighed, 'It's the holidays and yet I cannot turn off from work.'

Rich looked Weller up and down. 'At least I'm getting some entertainment since being in that blacksite.' Kurt had managed to get a wrist, and the other ankle tied up in the fairy lights.

'Seriously?' Kurt groaned. 'Help me, or leave me alone Rich.' He twisted the wrist.

'Now now munchkin, no need to be a bah humbug at Christmas.' He grinned and undid the knots with a simple tug.

Weller shuffled away from the lights and sat on the couch, feigned exhaustion.

'Lights are supposed to be on the tree, not the floor.' Rich cooed, nudging Weller so he could sit on the couch.

Kurt grunted as Bethany climbed onto him. 'Hey sweetheart.' The girl poked her dad. 'Do you want to decorate a cookie?'

'Sure. Why not.' Weller grinned and stood up, Bethany in his arms.

Jane placed the cookies on a tray and put the icing next to the tray.

'I call dibs on the Santa.' Rich piped up. Bethany sat on a seat, grabbing the white icing for the snowman. 'Which one do you want Patterson?'

Patterson looked over the shapes. 'I'll take the reindeer. Which leaves the holly, star, angel and elf.'

'It's only fair we let Tasha and Reade choose when they arrive.' Jane stated, and turned the oven down. The coffee pot had almost finished when a bang on the door, coaxed the room into hushed tones.

Jane glanced through the peephole, Reade smiled. 'Morning Jane,' the Assistant Director put his crutch down.

The door opened and the snow covered pair hobbled in. 'Hey Reade, Tasha.'

'We come bearing gifts.' Tasha looped an arm around Reade as she placed the presents on the coffee table.

Jane poured out the coffees. 'Tea, Reade?'

'Please. You've been baking. They smell delicious.' Edgar grinned, hobbling towards the counter.

'Whoa!' Tasha exclaimed, the outside world was now opaque white. 'Looks like we'll be here for a while.'

Bethany craned her neck. 'Decorate a cookie?' Edgar nodded, 'Can I decorate the elf?' The little girl smiled and nudged the elf cookie towards him. He grabbed the green icing and traced the shoulders.

Tasha joined in and decorated the angel in blue.

Kurt laughed, 'Look at us. Family together, home and safe. Finally.' He hummed as the others decorated around him. Careful he added icing to the cookie Star of Bethlehem. 'Merry Christmas everyone.'

[tokkionline]

silver’s picks

remember this post? well, after seeing it gaining notes again, i decided to properly update it! i wrote it with the boredom coming from quarantine in mind, but now... a lot of cities are getting out of it. this doesn’t mean we get to slack off, though! wear masks, wash your hands and be kind to yourself and others.

the channels i have selected are part of my absolute favorites, and i sincerely hope that they will bring you the same joy that they brought me. now without further ado, let’s get started!

bolded are personal favorites.

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Cooking

if you know me, you know i love baking and cooking. i just think it’s so fascinating that we are able to make something delicious from various ingredients! whenever i can i watch cooking videos to inspire myself or just to relax!

HidaMari Cooking

one word: y u m. looking for something to bake? this channel is perfect to find the ideal recipe. even if you don’t cook, just watching the video is soo satisfying!

JunsKitchen

a man who cooks delicious meals while his cats watch! you may know him from the polishing a rusty knife video… well, his other videos are even more entertaining! you even get to see AMAZING scenery as he looks for ingredients!

한세HANSE

a quiet and laidback cooking channel! just relax and watch delicious desserts being created! i’m actually planning to try out one of their recipes…. chocolate chip muffin, maybe?

Cooking tree

mainly focused on desserts! so yummy and relaxing~

Rosanna Pansino’s Nerdy Nummies and Recipes

if you know me, you know i love disney. well, this playlist not only has amazing recipes for desserts, but it also has DISNEY themed desserts!!! or any kind of movie, really!! rosanna is also a super bubbly and entertaining person, i never get bored watching her videos

kawaiisweetworld

ADORABLEEEE recipes!!! i’m planning to try out her cinnamon roll recipe, i honestly CANNOT wait... i just need to get a dough hook SNDFN. oh, i also wanna try the mermaid macarons! anyway, if you need cute baking ideas, or if you just need a cute youtube video, this channel is what you need!!

Party Kitchen - パーティーキッチン

lunch! dinner! dessert! there’s everything and the videos are so relaxing as well!! even when i’m not looking for something to cook i just love to sit and watch.

내복곰 Nebokgom

this youtuber works in a wonderful little cafe, and they basically show us how they make the delicious pastries they sell! with soothing classical music playing in the background, it’s definitely one of my favorite channels.

Café Vlogs

one of my many dream jobs is to be a cafe owner and all of these channels just make me daydream so hard!!!! they are also a PERFECT way to unwind. had a stressful day? just sit and watch drinks being made with relaxing music~ it’s also super amazing that we get to see how our favorite drinks are made!

Zoe 조에

i LOVE zoe so much! her mother owns a cafe in korea, and she basically shows us her daily routine there! the drinks she makes look incredibly tasty, same goes for the cakes she serves!! i want to travel as much as i can in the future, so maybe one day i’ll actually go to her cafe ansndfn

y.na__ homecafe

what’s a home cafe? well, it’s when you decide to make your own little cafe at home! this youtuber user comes up with amazing drinks (even meals!) that are just too pretty to be eaten in my opinion. with little to no background music, it’s ideal for you if you don’t like noisy videos!

BoBe보베

i cannot stress how much i love this channel. it might even be one of my favorite NDNFNG their sandwich making process is literally SOOO nice and satisfying to look at, and they look delicious as well!!! the videos have a very calming atmosphere

카페노예 jun

one of the first cafe vlog channels i got into!! some videos even include the cafe’s pastries’ baking process!

카대남 홍준 HongJun

he posts daily vlogs as well, but i’ll still put him in the cafe vlog section because his cafe vlogs are so funny!! he shows his viewers that failing is ok. if he messes up an order? it’s ok! do it again and you’ll succeed!

Winnyoops위니웁스

she works in a cafe that’s underground!!!! that’s already amazing!!!! and the menu is literally so unique i adore it. her channel has such a cozy evening vibe honestly. like imagine you’re on your way back home from work and decide to stop at the cafe that’s in the subway...

Lifestyle

sometimes, i don’t know what kind of life i want to live. that’s when i turn to these channels, to remind myself of what i want: a happy, comfortable yet adventurous life. these vloggers are huge inspirations to me.

Choki

her videos radiate with cozy vibes! whenever i have free time i just love to bundle up and watch her stuff! recipes, daily routine, all videos are filled with wholesomeness as well as extremely helpful advice on how to better yourself as a person.

CozyDay 코지데이

honestly one of my all time favorite channels. a couple vlogs about their daily routine, and seeing just how much they love each other is so heartwarming!! plus, by seeing all the fun stuff they do such as cooking and taking care of flowers, you might be motivated to do the same!

李子柒 Liziqi

li ziqi’s channel is HEAVENLY. in an interview she mentioned that she wanted people from the city to know where their food comes from, having found out some kids believed rice grew from trees, and so she makes amazing videos where she grows her own ingredients! tomatoes, cucumbers, potatoes... she makes everything all by herself and produces amazing meals to share with her grandmother. she also makes her own furniture and so much more! the background music is also AMAZING and super soothing.

Extras

Barbie’s Youtube Channel

if you follow me, you’re probably not surprised i added this to the list. if you don’t follow me and randomly see this post… ok, hear me out. barbie’s vlogs are filled with positivity and fun, and isn’t that what we exactly need? hey, there’s even cooking videos!

VanillaHamHam

cooking, but for hamsters! watch this person make delicious, hamster-friendly meals, and then watch their hamster munch on it!!

mihan。

an amazing journaling youtube account!! even if you aren’t into journaling, i am certain you will find comfort with their videos! and if you do journal… say hello to bursts of inspiration whenever you finish a video!

J E U N I C O R N

another journaling youtube account! but you can also find adorable what’s in my bag videos that i absolutely love <3

그루밍데이 고양이cat vlog

two beautiful cats, cobi and berry!! they are literally so adorable, and watching them always makes me smile!

aaaand that’s it! all of my favorite channels! i hope that you’ll check them out and love them as much as i do!