#n e ways i have both days of the weekend off how amazing fabulous incredible is that????
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i blinked and it's friday now
#tp#fr just went out of home in the early morning and came back just to sleep what is this actually#n e ways i have both days of the weekend off how amazing fabulous incredible is that????#will get through today with eyes redder than mars and then go back home immediately to binge watch the new the glory season#i hope it's come out?? idk i havent checked
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The feel good film of the Summer
PSA: This post contains a few spoilers so if you haven’t seen the film, get your butt down the cinema and watch it ASAP, you won't regret it.
So I FINALLY got to see Mamma Mia, Here We Go Again last week, and my god it did not disappoint. I’d seen mixed reviews, as you would expect from a sequel. I was really hoping it would live up to my expectations, and although the first one was just that little bit better, the second was still amazing. It has spent 3 consecutive weeks at the top in the UK, and has taken an impressive £39.3 million after its first three weekends on the big screen.This is almost £15million more than the first film!! Seems like people just can’t get enough, and I don’t blame em!
I was only 12 years old when the first film came out, and I would definitely say that it was the reason I became interested in Performing Arts. I don’t know what it was, but there was something about the film that truly memorised me and I had the ABBA greatest hits album on repeat for weeks, learning all the words to perform in front of all my adoring fans (aka my bedroom mirror). The film also has a special place in my heart as my Dad took my sister and I. He said to my mum it would be nice for us, but really he wanted to go as he’d always been an ABBA fan. So he was more than happy when I wouldn't stop playing the songs all day.
I had really big expectations for the second film, not only as the original cast were returning but also because.. CHER!!
The beginning of the film was really sad, as we learnt that Donna had died leaving behind Sophie and Sam. (When Sam got out the old photos of Donna and sang S.O.S again that hit me right in the feels, poor sam!!) However, the mood once again lifted when the retelling of how Donna came to find the island and met Harry, Sam and Bill along the way. I must say the casting for the young cast was fabulous, but I would have thought they would have chosen someone a bit different to play Sam- as in my opinion and according to thousands of people on Twitter, he didn't seem all too similar to his on screen father.
I would also like to point out how much of an iconic character of Donna is, she strong, confident and independent; not to mention that she sleeps with 3 men in one week and no one bats an eyelid/ makes a comment about it or slut shames her. That’s a very rare trope for a film that is based on a women and her relationships, as more often than not, even if the female character is a lead, she is portrayed as an over-sexual being/dumb or a slut even if she embodies everything but that, the character of Elle Woods (also an icon) from Legally Blonde is a perfect example. But hello it’s 2018 and women can do whatever the hell we want to honey, so you go girl x
Before I saw the film, I did wonder if they were going to recycle all the songs from the last film and how on earth they were going to do so. Much to my surprise new songs were included, and some I hadn’t even heard before! I can confidently say that ABBA is one of my all time favourite bands and all they produce is B A N G E R S !!!! There is not one song that I’ve heard that I don’t like. I also don't trust anyone that says they hate ABBA, like seriously hun ???? How can you not love them ?? Upbeat, uplifting and simply iconic is the only way to describe them. I’m actually listening to the soundtrack whilst writing this post and it doesn’t fail to put a smile on my face. I’m also needing a lot of dance breaks from typing!
My favourite newbies songs are Why Did It Have To Be Me, The Name Of The Game and Angel Eyes (The scene where they sing Angel Eyes is stolen by Julie Walters, she's just too funny and her comedic timing is too perfect)
I truly loved the film and these were my thoughts during the film:
1) I want Donna Sheridan’s wardrobe!!!
The costume department just nailed how I imagined young Donna to dress, a stylish natural bohemian vibe mixed with 70′s flares, platform boots and lots of loud prints. Everything was perfect, even down to the rings she wore on most fingers- the attention to detail just enhanced Lily James’ performance and every inch of me believed she was made for the role.
2) Amanda Seyfried is a GODDESS
I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate how the older she gets the hotter she gets!!!! Somehow she is definitely ageing backwards.
3) Christine Baranski is a bad bitch!!!!!!
Christine plays Tanya, who is a serial flirt and all round sass pot, and this role is made for Christine, she looks fabulous for her age and not to mention her dance moves?!! That high kick during Angel Eyes??? Giiiiirrlllllll, I hope I'm that limber when I'm 66! Plus her delivery of “Be still my beating vagina” was tooooo funny.
4) I NEED a holiday
The island “Kalokairi” (which was actually Skopelos) looks like an absolute dream. Mamma Mia 2 was also filmed in Vis, Croatia. The sea in both locations is simply stunning. I’ve been to Corfu so have had a taste of the blue Mediterranean waters, and I am so desperate to go back. I'm hoping Croatia is going to be mine and Charlie’s destination of choice next year! It looks incredible and is at the top of my list to visit.
5) God I miss singing :-(
I haven't sung properly in well over a year and I miss it so much, whenever I watch a musical it always instantly makes me want to be on the West End stage. I really hope at some point in my life I am able to fulfil that dream.
6) I didn’t realise I needed to see Colin Firth dancing till now
Oh Colin, he really is such an awkward person but he can really bust some moves! Every time he shook his hips I couldn't help but laugh, it looks so wrong but its just so funny, and bless him for trying and giving it 110% cos he looks 10/10 fabulous xxx
7) Cher is kind of playing herself, but I’m okay with that
Cher had a small role as Sophie’s Grandmother- Ruby, an absent figure who was a singer/performer travelling the world. Her sharp tongue and classic persona just oozed the Cher we all know and love. It wasn’t too much of a stretch for Cher character wise, but she still made a great addition to the film.
8) EXCUSE ME, but where is Meryl ????
So I had some idea from the trailer that we wouldn’t be seeing Meryl Streep as much seeing as her character had died, but I was really disappointed we only got to see her for 10 minutes (ish) at the end of the film! Mind you, the little time that we did get to see her was soooo emotional and had everyone including me sobbing like a baby. Plus the song Donna and Sophie sing together (My Love, My Life) makes me tear up every time I hear it. But Meryl was missed for the majority, I wish they didn’t kill Donna off so we could have had another film!
So if you’re in need of a girls night out, or just a general pick me up, defo go and see this film. I guarantee you will leave feeling uplifted and with at least 4 songs stuck in your head.
Em Xx
#mamma#mia#mammamia#herewegoagain#mammamia2#blogger#blog#film#review#filmreview#gif#meryl streep#lily james#colin firth#Julie walters#greece#croatia#singing#musical#dancing#soundtrack
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I CARE ABOUT YOU - BUCKY BARNES
(A/N): I wanted to write something angsty. I usually write fluffy or neutral things (smut included - but NOT NOW) because nothing nice to me ever happened to me (especially when it comes to love and all that jazz). I read so many angsty stories that I just decided to write something angsty but, you know, the ending is just the way I like. Anyway, let me know what you think, enjoy and sorry for mistakes! Love. x
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Summary: First summer weekend/vacation with the team didn’t go as pleasantly as they wanted. Who knew Bucky could be such a douche toward a girl who loved him. (This is the worst summary ever.)
Warning: ANGST, so many feels, language
Words: 6600+
FULL MASTERLIST | BUCKY BARNES MASTERLIST
I CARE ABOUT YOU – BUCKY BARNES
She had only one condition – picking the music while they’ll be spending the weekend at Tony’s mansion where he had a massive pool. (Y/N) wasn’t a fan of bikinis, swimsuits and all that jazz that were related to summer activities. As the only person, she wanted to stay in the Tower alone with books, peace, and quiet. At least she wouldn’t be looking at the man she was head over heels for several long months.
Ever since Barnes got over the Winter Soldier period and realized he’s not a bad person, he became a mean, teasing man who would flirt with any woman that got near him. The girls couldn’t believe how his behavior changed one day and as Steve said, the old Buck was back and he was even worse than the old him. It was good he got through the Winter Soldier phase but he forgot one important thing – it was (Y/N) who helped him with his nightmares, helped him overcome all the issues and negativity that was in him. After all, she did for the brunet, he repaid her by ignoring her once a party had started.
It was Friday morning when Nat came to (Y/N)’s room in Tony’s mansion. She sat on the edge of the bed next to the sleeping woman and brushed her hair with the long digits. “(Y/N), wake up, breakfast is ready,” she tried to wake the girl up with a positive voice and a smile on her face. “We have banana pancakes your favorite.” Natasha was like an older sister (Y/N) never had. “Come on, you can’t stay in here until the end of the short vacation.”
“Of course I can,” a mumble came from the sleeping girl. Slowly turning around, she looked at the redhead who was already wearing a very sexy black bikini, ready for the pool. Natasha had the body of a Goddess – of course, she could wear something like that. “I hate summer, I hate bikini and I’m not in the mood looking at Barnes.”
She sighed. “You are still mad at him for the things he’s doing?” she questioned.
“Yes,” she frowned and huffed.
“But you love him,” Natasha’s voice lowered and became sadder.
(Y/N) rolled away and closed her (e/c) eyes. “Yes,” it was barely a whisper. “I don’t want to be in the same room as he is. I don’t want to look at him so I can overcome the crush I have on him. That’s not the Bucky I used to know. This is a douche who only wants to get laid with the hottest girls around while making me feel miserable. Ever since he found that fucking switch in his head, he’s acting like the biggest motherfucking douche. While I’m somewhere in the crowd crying my eyes out, he’s flirting with other women not giving a single fuck. It’s making me furious, jealous and sad. Plus,” she took a deep breath, anger filling her veins, “he hates me. He’s so nice to you guys and when he’s with me, it’s the exact opposite. Why do I even like this son of a bitch?!”
Natasha knew how much the girl was suffering. There were times Wanda came to Nat and told her about the negative, sad emotions that were occupying (Y/N)’s room and soul. Sometimes they had to run to her room and help her calm down from anxiety attack that suddenly hit her. Both of them tried to help (Y/N) as much as possible. They knew they shouldn’t push her into something she wasn’t comfortable with. As her best friends they respected her decisions, not forcing her to do anything wild. “(Y/N)…”
“Please, don’t,” she did her best to push the tears back.
Another woman came inside the room. “You know what the doctor said to you,” Wanda reminded her. “You need to get tanned so your body would receive the important vitamins from the sun. You are pale as the director of lime works and that’s why you have various health problems. Also, stop hurting yourself and start living! Please, (Y/N). Get up, get dressed and come to the pool. Let’s have some fun!”
“I’m not going.”
“You are so stubborn, (Y/L/N)!” Natasha was getting impatient and angry. “Let’s make a deal, shall we?” she made the girl turn to her and pinned both hands over her head. “You are going to get up, change into the red bikini Wanda and I bought for you and after that, you are having breakfast with us. Once you are finished, we are taking you to the pool.”
“Nat, no…”
“Shut up, let me finish!” the redhead raised her voice. “I’m going to talk to guys and threaten them that if they make a comment about how you look or stare at you, I’ll beat them to death.” Once she was finished, Wanda giggled. “Now get up! Wanda will keep an eye on you.”
Once Natasha left the two girls alone, (Y/N) looked at Wanda with narrowed eyes. “Do I have to?” The long-haired brunette only nodded and winked at her. “Dammit!”
It took her half an hour to get ready and Wanda did keep an eye on her until they left the bedroom. (Y/N) took a colorful silky summer robe and a massive straw hat with big round sunglasses. “I don’t know why you want to hide your body. You look amazing in the bikini and you have a body of a goddess, (Y/N),” she sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “All the training we had done formed your body and you really, like really look fabulous, sexy! Oh, and don’t forget to put on a sun cream,” she reminded her.
(Y/N) sat on a bar stool in the kitchen and grabbed a plate full of pancakes. “I already did,” she winked at Wanda and started to eat. Luckily, they were alone there. The boys were already at the pool, screaming, laughing and occasionally they heard a sound of splashing water. They were probably jumping into the pool, having the time of their lives. “I put on a special oily cream that I bought on Wednesday.” She put a piece of pancake into her mouth and silently moaned. “These are so good, who made them?” she put a grin on her face.
Wanda took a deep breath, scared to answer her question. “Bucky did,” she whispered, looking away. “They are his favorite and he insisted on making them.”
(Y/N) stopped chewing. “Well, they are good,” she said it calmly, not making any stupid, juvenile scene. She was the one who made those pancakes to Bucky once they started to hang out more. It happened after a nightmare he had. She stayed with him until the very morning and made him banana pancakes only to bring a smile on his face.
“Everything is ready!” Natasha came into the kitchen with a wide smile. “I gave them the instructions and swore I’m going to bury them alive if they do something stupid. Steve was scared,” she laughed. “Also, (Y/N), Tony wants to know what you want to listen to. You have some kind of a deal that I’m not familiar with,” she squinted, waiting for her friend to answer.
The girl pushed the plate from her, signalizing she was full. “I’m the only one who’ll be picking the music for the entire weekend. If you are good to me, I might play something for you,” she winked at the redhead and stood up. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Let’s start with the new Katy Perry album.”
“No!” the girls whined.
“Oh, yeah,” she gave them a playful wink and put on the massive straw hat and the robe. “Let’s go ladies or I’m going back to my room where I’ll be reading all the books I brought with me. I took the Divergent series with me and The Hunger Games, plus Anna Karenina and Sherlock Holmes.”
Together, they went to the pool where the majority of the men were taking, sunbathing and Tony, as the head chef of the day, was preparing the grill where he would make his famous burgers. Steve was sitting on the edge of the pool, Sam next to him as they were talking, holding beer bottles in hands. Bruce was doing his best to help Tony and Clint was lying in a hammock, enjoying the sun. Bucky was nowhere to be seen. The girls went to three chaise lounges where they sat down, getting ready for sunbathing.
(Y/N) took off the robe and put on another layer of sun cream, mostly only her wrists. It was a special trick she did. If anyone tried to take her to the pool without her approval, the oil would make it slippery and the person would fall into the water without her – the karma effect.
Once she was resting on the chaise lounge, she listened to the music in the background, singing the lyrics of the song named Witness. Somehow, she liked the album. It got the vibes and tones she needed to hear now.
“I brought beer!” a cheerful voice coming from the door shouted unexpectedly, making (Y/N) turn her head and look at half naked Bucky. He was wearing black swimming shorts and black sunglasses. His longish brown hair was in a low man bun and he looked incredible. His firm body with visible muscles only made her slobber a little. “And the party can continue.”
“Is he drunk?” Wanda questioned, checking his movement from behind her glasses.
Natasha groaned. “They saved Thor’s liquor so I’m not surprised if he actually is.”
“I’m not drunk,” Bucky turned to the ladies and his eyes immediately fell on (Y/N)’s exposed body. He had to bite his inner cheek only to hold his moan back. She was stunning. “I’m just in a party mood and currently enjoying the view, ladies,” he pushed the sunglasses on the tip of his nose and winked at them. After he put down the two six packs of beer, he went to the women, eyes never leaving (Y/N)’s face.
The girl was ignoring him, still silently singing the songs. Currently, it was a song named Hey, Hey, Hey.
“Get lost Barnes,” Natasha frowned at him. “We are not interested in your presence at the moment.”
He grinned. “Maybe you are not but I believe (Y/N) is. You look sexy in that bikini, doll,” he winked at her, moving even closer to the girl. The redhead growled like an angry dog and Wanda sat up, crossing her arms over breasts.
(Y/N) stopped singing and annoyingly sighed. “And the moment is gone. Girls, I’m going back to my room,” she stood up, quickly packing her belongings. Putting the robe back on, she noticed Natasha’s sad look. That was not going to make the girl stay there any longer.
“Come on, doll face,” his metal hand reached for her wrist. “You are not going to leave now. The pool party has started and your favorite songs are on. Just stay and have some fun.” As he made a move, both of his hands were now holding her by the wrists. He turned her towards him and looked into her eyes that were covered with sunglasses. His intentions weren’t pure. Bucky wanted to push her into the pool because he thought it was funny. Luckily, he wasn’t successful. Yanking out her hands and kicking him into his firm stomach, he lost his balance and fell into the pool, making the whole team laugh. The kick wasn’t hard. It was only to push him from her.
“Nice one, (Y/N)!” Tony laughed.
Bucky surfaced and wiped the water from his eyes. The glasses he wore were somewhere in the pool, floating. “What the fuck, (Y/N)?” he frowned at her, not believing she would do something like that to him. “What is wrong with you?”
She opened her mouth, shocked by what she heard. “Excuse me?” her voice got higher and changed from neutral to fuming. ���The better question is what’s wrong with you, Barnes?! Have you even seen yourself in a mirror the last few months?!” She had enough. “Why don’t you look at yourself and your actions and then judge someone else.”
The rest of the team remained quiet while the two were starting a fight. “Oh, miss perfect just opened her fucking mouth,” he came out of the pool, standing in front of her. Natasha and Wanda stood up too, only to be ready to stop them if necessary. “Why can’t you just live a little? Would that hurt you or what?” he stopped thinking and every other word that came out of his mouth wasn’t what he would say to her. Actually, he wouldn’t say anything like that to her but something in him just cracked and he was like an uncontrolled missile, a time bomb. “I’ve noticed how your behavior changed and how you are separating from the rest of the group.” Her eyes almost popped out. “Suddenly, you are acting like you don’t care about anything but yourself.”
“What the…” she shook her head in disbelief and went inside the mansion. Firstly, she didn’t want the fight happening in front of her closest friends, the family she had. Secondly, she heard enough from him.
Unfortunately, Bucky followed. He made her stop in the living room. The team could still perfectly see them through the massive windows and door. “You just stopped caring, yeah!” he faked laughed. “You turned your back to me when I needed you!”
“What?!” she couldn’t believe him. “That’s not true! You were the one…”
“Oh, stop being so innocent, (Y/N). You changed a lot. You are not the girl I got to know when I came to the team. You are once again the old you, the bitch, the creep that everyone hates, the one …” and with that, a slap so loud was heard, it made Steve gasp.
That was the last straw for (Y/N). What he just said was very offensive and she slapped his face. Tears formed in her eyes. How could he say something like that right into her face? She trusted him, she told him things that only the closest people knew and he used that against her. (Y/N) left to her room, leaving Bucky alone with a red mark on his cheek. He got what he deserved.
Natasha came running to the living room with Wanda. The brunette only violently bumped into him and Natasha slowed down only to look at the ex-assassin. “You are a fucking idiot, Barnes. What the fuck got into you?”
“I- I don’t…”
“Don’t even try,” she shushed him and went upstairs.
The weekend, that was supposed to be all fun and no work was ruined. (Y/N) hid in her room and Bucky went for a walk. No one spoke to them until the next day…
…
It was late Saturday night. The rest of the Avengers were having a great time. They were playing poker in the kitchen while eating various kinds of pizza Tony ordered for everyone. Natasha and Wanda took turns on going to (Y/N)’s room to check on her. Most of the time, she was sleeping or reading the books she brought with her. When Wanda came back to the table, Steve looked at her face where he noticed how worried she got. “How is she doing?”
“Not great,” Wanda replied, taking her cards from the table. “She’s devastated but won’t admit it. I don’t have to look into her head. I can sense her feelings.”
“I can’t believe Barnes said something like that to her,” Sam gave a short comment.
“I’m not,” Tony sighed and put two chips into the middle of the table. “It was only a matter of time when he would snap.” Everyone looked at him. “Bruce, a little help here?” he looked at his science bro for a second.
Bruce folded the game and started to talk. “Bucky’s behavior changed rapidly and as good as it sounded at first, we knew there would be a moment when something would break inside of him. (Y/N) helped him a lot and we thought the Winter Soldier phase was over. Unfortunately, after some secret mental tests we did, we knew he would somehow break. He’s still not well. He still needs help or this behavior he’s having now will become more complicated. The only person that could help him was (Y/N) because she understands him and they share similar experiences.”
“Where is he now, anyway?” Sam looked around. No one knew the answer.
“(Y/N) won’t talk to him now or ever. She’s really hurt,” Natasha looked at the cards she was holding, also folding the game. “Barnes fucked it up. I’m not going to pity him.”
They started a new round. “I’m shocked and upset how Bucky acted yesterday,” Steve raised the game and waited for the rest to follow if they had good cards. Tony and Natasha checked. Wanda and Sam folded. “I think we should talk to him once-“
Steve stopped talking once he noticed a man coming into the room. Bucky was quiet, had his hands in the pockets of his black jeans and had dark circles under his eyes. He was ashamed and probably didn’t sleep well all night. Though, no one had any idea where he was from yesterday. He looked around and went to the kitchen to fetch himself a bottle of water. He didn’t look at anyone but they all saw the guilt in his face.
Another sound made them turn around only to notice (Y/N) in a black silky sundress and a thin piece of clothing to cover her arms. Without a word, she headed to the back door leading to the pool. She had her hair in a high messy bun and her face was hauntingly pale. Natasha dryly gulped, ready to tell her something but she left the room before a word could be spoken. In that moment, Bucky came back into the living room, drinking the cold water from a bottle. The only thing he saw was (Y/N)’s silhouette leaving the estate. He stood there like a statue for a minute, deciding what to do.
“Buck?” Steve spoke into the silence and got his best friend’s attention. “What the hell came into you yesterday? What is wrong with you? You are my best friend and you never acted like this. This isn’t the man I know.”
“Steve…”
“Do you have any idea what you’ve caused?” Wanda stood up from the table, frowning. “What you did to her, well, what you said to her, broke her, Barnes. I thought you knew about her past and what did you do? You called her a creep for what she had done in the past. You, from all the people, who knows what it is like unintentionally killing people, I mean, what the fuck?” she was almost screaming at him.
“Wanda, just stop!” he growled, clenching his fists. “I just… I need to… I need to talk to her.”
Natasha grabbed Wanda’s wrist. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why, Tasha? Why is it not a good idea?” he was offensive. “Give me one good reason why I should not go to her and talk about what happened?” The girls only shook their hands, not saying anything. It wasn’t worth it. “And, to be honest, she should be apologizing to me too, you know? She turned her back to me when I needed her.”
“Oh my fucking god, Barnes!” Tony screamed at him, almost flipping the table. “Are you really that dull? Think about all the things you did – how you flirted with all the random girls at my parties and don’t let me even start on how mean you were to her. You were the one who turned your back to her once a party had started. Suddenly, she didn’t exist for you. And why do you think she avoided you? BECAUSE SHE FUCKING LOVES YOU, BARNES! She couldn’t look at the things you were doing! It was killing her.” Stark took a deep breath, finished with his speech. The team was looking at him with wide eyes. Only Natasha and Wanda knew about the feelings (Y/N) had. How did Tony know about it?
“Oh my…” Bucky covered his mouth with the metal hand, bumping into a sofa. “I thought that she… I, uh.”
“I think it’s time for you to tell her about your feelings,” Steve said it calmly. The people around the table looked at him, surprised. He only shrugged, not commenting on it.
Bucky’s legs automatically moved to the back door even when his mind was somewhere else. How could he say something like that to her? How could he act like a total idiot, thinking that she would never feel the same? All the things he had done weren’t as heroic as he thought. He wasn’t a real man. He was a douche…
(Y/N) was sitting in the middle of a private beach Tony owned. The sun was already down, darkness slowly approaching. The air was salty and moist. She took off the bun she was wearing because the humidity would damage her hair and it would be difficult to brush it later. She put the band around her right wrist and sighed. Her heart was bleeding from everything that happened. For the first time in her life, she thought love was unique a beautiful thing. Obviously, she was wrong. The man with the metal hand slowly tore her to small pieces and after what happened yesterday, there wasn’t a chance something would fix it and make things right.
Curling into a small ball and leaning her forehead against the knees, she sobbed. The girl’s mind was filled with all the bad memories – from her childhood until yesterday’s incident. She wasn’t loved because of who she was. Pyrokinesis wasn’t a blessing, it was a curse. She couldn’t control it when she was young. It caused so much damage, death and people hated her for it. “Why am I still alive?” she asked herself.
“Because you are very important,” a familiar voice said near her. Her eyes widened and looked at the only person she didn’t want to see. Her left index finger quickly brushed tears from her face.
Swiftly standing up, (Y/N) took a step back. “Leave me alone,” she hissed, turning away from him.
“I need to talk to you, (Y/N),” he insisted.
“There is nothing to talk about. You’ve made yourself very clear yesterday,” she didn’t stop from walking away.
He was not going to give up. “No, (Y/N). That was the stupid me talking shit yesterday. This is me now, standing here with my mind clear and with words that you must hear.”
“I don’t need to hear anything,” was her response. “It’s too late for anything, Barnes,” her voice got lower and she stopped talking. “But you know what,” (Y/N) turned to him, both fists already clenched and her knuckles became white. “I think once you made your speech, it’s time for mine.” As she started to talk, she slowly walked to him. “After everything I’ve done for you, after all the nights and days I’ve spent with you, doing my best to support you, make you feel better and helped you get rid of the nightmares, this is what I get? I thought we were friends, Barnes. I thought there was something special going on between us.” Her voice got louder and she stopped caring if anyone heard them. “I thought you understand what it is like to be different, have a dark past. We shared so many secrets and memories and what do I get from you? Nothing, absolutely nothing but hate! You turned your back to me once a beautiful woman walked near you. I stopped existing once a party started. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to look at you while you were groping some woman’s ass? Of course, you don’t because YOU-DIDN’T-CARE!”
Suddenly, she was standing right in front of him, only inches of air separating their bodies. Her cheeks were wet from all the tears that were coming from her eyes. “I became an air for you. And then, all of a sudden, you had a nightmare and who was there to help you and calmed you down? Me! Do you even know I have nightmares too, that I’m scared that I have suicidal thoughts? NO BECAUSE YOU DON’T CARE! You don’t care about anything but yourself.”
“(Y/N), I…”
“You called me a creep. You wanted to tell me that I am a murderer because of the things I’ve done even when it was an accident. You judged me and you did exactly the same, Bucky!” her fists punched him in the pectorals from all the anger. “You judge me… and that broke me. I-I,” she was slowly falling on her knees, Bucky quickly following her, taking her weak body into his arms. “I wish I’ve never met you. I would have never fallen in love with you and I wouldn’t be suffering. Now, I just… I just can’t.”
He knew he deserved every word she said to him. He acted like a total idiot, a douche, someone who doesn’t deserve a woman like her by his side because she was way too good for him. Bucky knew he fucked it up but there had to be a way to make it better.
“Why you, Bucky? Why you?” she cried. Bucky felt guilty and he took full responsibility for what he had done to her. “D-Do you know what is it like not being loved? By your parents, by the people who you thought were your friends and by the society. Nobody loves me. Nobody ever loved me.”
He thought about it. He opened his mouth, ready to reply no but he realized that wasn’t true. She was the one who loved him. He had his best friend Steve who sacrificed for him way too many times. “That’s not true, (Y/N),” he whispered, arms pulling her into a tighter embrace. “I love you. I love you so much, it hurts me that I hurt you.”
(Y/N)’s hands carefully pushed herself from his body but not too much. Her red, teary eyes found his and she shook her head. There were tears in the baby blue eyes and some of them had already dropped on his cheeks. She was confused.
“I love you, (Y/N) and I fell in love with you the day your hand touched my shoulder and you gave me the most positive, beautiful smile I’ve ever seen,” his metal hand found her cheek and stroke it with the thumb. “You became the most important person in my life – yes, there is Steve but you two can’t compare. You were with me through thick and thin – all the nightmares, anxiety and PTSD, and unfortunately when I acted like the biggest womanizer the last few weeks, months. I can’t believe I was such a jerk toward you.”
The girl exhaled through her nose. Her (e/c) eyes were still focused on his, not leaving anywhere. There were no words.
“Now I understand why you separated from the group and from me. I am so, so sorry, (Y/N). I’m sorry for judging you, yelling at you and most importantly for the horrible words I told you that even aren’t true. You are the exact opposite.”
Quietly, she leaned her head under his chin. She was too tried to say something, too tired to walk away, fight with him or to hug him. She was confused and the mixed emotions only made her head hurt. She became weak, sleepy.
It was Bucky’s time to stand by her when she needed it. It was true, he never knew about her nightmares. She kept them to herself, even all the pain. “You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” he started to stroke her back as he focused on her calm breathing. “Your abilities are not making you a bad person. You know how to control it, how to manipulate with it. With it, you can create an amazing fire masterpiece when you are in a funny mood. You give happiness and love to everyone around you. I just wish I could ever make it up to you. I wish I’d never said those words. I hope that one day, you will forgive me and…” and what? He didn’t know what would happen after this speech, after this moment.
“I don’t want to lose you, (Y/N),” his lower lip trembled from nervousness. Another tear appeared in his eyes. “I regret everything I’ve said to you yesterday.”
“Bucky…”
“I don’t want to lose you,” it sounded more desperate.
“Buck…”
“I can’t lose you, (Y/N). I really can’t.”
“James,” this time, she whispered his name and her right hand found his wet cheek. “Shh, I’m not going anywhere now.” Her voice sounded tired and her body relaxed in his big arms.
The wind got colder and the waves of the sea became wilder. A storm was slowly approaching them. It was about time to go back into the mansion where the rest of the team was having a good time. “We have to go back,” he huffed, sad that the moment was slowly ending. She looked so peaceful in his arms. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was steady and calm. There was one small thing he could do for her.
Bucky took her into his arms bridal style. “No, don’t I- I’m too heavy,” she mumbled, ready to do anything only to be put down. He didn’t listen to her whining.
“I can lift a car if necessary. You are like a feather,” he smiled.
“But…”
“Shh. Let me do this for you, please. You are tired and I just want to start making amends,” he bit his lower lip, worried he might have said it wrong and started to walk from the spot they spend the last half an hour, if not more. “Relax, (Y/N). I’m taking you to your room.” What will happen then?
The silence was different than it used to be. In the past, it was pleasant and not at all awkward. Now, it felt heavy and unbearable. He looked into her face and found her eyes closed. She wasn’t moving but luckily, she was breathing. Maybe she fell asleep. That was a good thing. Her arms were lightly wrapped around his neck and it was only a matter of second when will they fall down.
Bucky enjoyed this moment. He got her near himself; he could feel her presence and that brought him joy. “I love you, (Y/N),” he whispered once they approached the pool.
The team was still in the living room, laughing while playing poker and drinking beer. The first one who noticed them was Natasha. Her green eyes widened, filled with terror and she quickly stood up from the table. Running to the back door, the rest of the people turned the way she left. She opened the door. “What happened?!” her voice rose. The team was on alert. The brunet shushed her and frowned at the redhead.
“She’s sleeping,” he mumbled while walking around the group and heading to the stairs. “I’m taking her to her room.”
“Need help?” Steve asked him, putting the cards in front of him so no one would see them.
With a shake of his head, he continued up the stairs. Her room was at the end of the hall. Luckily, it was half opened. The man knew that in a minute, they will separate and he will leave her in the bedroom alone. There was still a chance she would talk to him tomorrow.
Slowly putting her body on the bed, he quickly scanned her face one last time. There was only a light coming from the hallway that perfectly illuminated her body. Bucky lovingly stroked her cheek with a flesh finger and made a step back, ready to leave. In that moment, her hand grabbed him by the hem of his shirt. “Stay,” said a voice softly, quietly, her (e/c) were already opened and looking at his face. “I don’t want to be alone.”
The man nodded. “I’ll just shut the door,” he replied silently. His heart skipped a beat when she said those words. After the door was closed, he went back to the bed. Bucky didn’t know what exactly he should do. Without thinking twice, he laid down next to her – not too close because he didn’t know if she would want that. Dryly gulping, he turned to her and took a deep breath.
(Y/N) moved to him, snuggling as close as she could. She buried her face into his chest and inhaled his scent. “This is me,” she started to talk slowly. “Even when I get hurt, I can’t push the person away from me because I care. I care about Natasha, I care about Tony, Sam, and I mostly, I care about you,” she sniffled.
His flesh hand found her waist and pulled her to him as close as possible. One last thing he did before they fell asleep in each other’s arms, he kissed her forehead lovingly.
…
Everything was different once the morning came. The mansion was weirdly quiet like no one was in it. Usually, Tony and Bruce were the first ones up, sipping early morning coffee. Sunday morning was unusual. The majority of the team went away and only (Y/N) and Bucky stayed there. When the team saw how Bucky carried her into the girl’s bedroom, they knew something had changed. Tony, the only person who would usually do the exact opposite, took the rest of the team on a morning trip, giving them privacy.
Bucky woke up from a deep sleep. He didn’t have any dreams or nightmares. This night was one of the best he had in weeks. He occasionally woke up only to push a feminine body closer to his, or to spoon it from behind but still making sure she was there. Now, the bed was cold and the area where (Y/N) was sleeping was empty. He frowned, sadness filling every cell in the body. This was it – the end of everything. He sat up, brushing the messy brown hair with his metal fingers as he sighed.
The door from the bathroom opened. He immediately looked at it, finding there (Y/N) with wet hair, dressed in a very long thin t-shirt with a picture of her favorite singer. He held his breath for a moment, not sure what to say. “Morning,” she said it softly. The air was still heavy and different. He couldn’t relax properly. The woman walked to the night table where she had a coconut body lotion. As she was passing by him, he gently grabbed her by the wrist, making her look at him.
“What now, (Y/N),” he said it with a difficulty. He was scared she would end everything in this very moment. “Is this it?” he had to ask. “Have I lost you?”
(Y/N) sat down next to him, eyes rather focused on the floor. At first, she wasn’t sure what to say to him. Her brain said yes, you did but the heart was literally screaming NO. The heart wants what it wants. Those long seconds were hell for him and she knew it. After taking a deep, long breath, the woman looked into his eyes. “You didn’t,” she replied. (Y/N) covered his hands with hers. “I need you. Just give it time,” she admitted.
“Doll…”
“No,” she put a finger to his lips, shaking her head. “Not that one. Anything but that,” she huffed. “There are many ways you can call me and this is not it.”
His eyes widened, quickly thinking about another cute nickname. Baby doll wasn’t an option too. He needed something that would characterize her perfectly. His flesh hand found her cheek and he smiled. “I was so scared I’d lost you. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I care about you and I want you to be happy. I want the best for you and I’m sorry I hurt you.” With that, he leaned closer to her. “You are beautiful, love.” That was the new nickname he needed. It was simple and she indeed was his love, his everything.
She was blushing. “Thank you,” she gave him a smile he missed so much. It warmed his heart. (Y/N) put a strand of hair away from his face and leaned her forehead against his. “Why don’t you go take a shower and I will make us some breakfast. I’ll meet you in the kitchen?” she suggested and he nodded.
Bucky wanted to kiss her badly. Her lips were screaming to be kissed and as much as he wanted to do it, he waited. He took a quick cold shower and put on swim shorts and a red undershirt. Once he was fully ready, he went to the kitchen. He was surprised when no one except (Y/N) was there. There were two mugs filled with fresh coffee and two bowls filled with fruit and white yogurt. His love was holding a piece of paper between two fingers. “Where is everybody?” he had to ask, confusingly looking around.
“Tony took them on a morning trip,” she answered his question. “Nat left me a note here.”
He sat down on a barstool, inhaling the freshly made coffee. “They wanted to give us some privacy,” he commented, grinning a little. (Y/N) sat down next to him, bringing the coffee to her lips, drinking it.
The breakfast went well. Even when they were silent for the most of the time, they occasionally smiled at each other. From time to time, Bucky’s hand had to find its way to her cheek where he stroked it with a thumb. When she leaned on it, it was only a good sign. Even (Y/N) her moment when she put her hand on his when it was just lying on the marble counter while he was eating.
Together, they did the dishes. They put everything into a dishwasher and what wasn’t suitable, they cleaned in the sink. Once everything was done, the two people looked at each other. Bucky took a deep breath. “I’m sorry but I can’t wait any longer,” he said unexpectedly. His arms wrapped around her waist and pushed her body closer to him. His lips connected with hers in a first kiss. It was filled with love. When her arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck he instantly knew everything will be alright and that it was reciprocated. The kiss deepened. With the first opportunity, Bucky’s tongue slipped between her lips only to find her tongue, lovingly playing with it. It was passionate, it was everything they wanted. The world stopped existing and there were only the two of them.
After the kiss ended, she hid in his loving embrace. A tiny tear slipped from her eye. “I love you, (Y/N),” he whispered into her ear. “You are my everything.”
“I love you too, James,” she smiled.
Kissing her forehead, a chuckle was heard from behind his back, followed by a loud smack. (Y/N) blushed and buried her face into his firm chest. Bucky annoyingly turned his head only to find the rest of the team standing in the living room, looking at the new couple.
“Why do you have to ruin the moment, Wilson?” Wanda frowned.
Tony sat down on the nearest barstool, eyes never leaving the doves. “Two things you two: one – we are leaving on Tuesday morning because we have nothing to do, meaning the vacation will be longer than expected and two – I’m glad everything is okay now.”
(Y/N) turned to him, smiling. “Me too.”
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EVE: (To girls) I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt there, since he knows I don’t really eat much meat or seafood… but the way he kept saying everything …
MAN: All the women were incredible.
EVE: Was not too charming.
MAN: There was this one woman… a flight attendant… we had a private plane for the wedding party, but we were hoping for our own separate party, if you know what I mean…
BONNIE: Wait- he did NOT say that.
EVE: Well … maybe not exactly but he was for sure laying down vibes that he wanted to get with this woman from this epic Italian wedding.
GWEN: Gross.
EVE: I do remember something word for word though…
MAN: Anyway, take a look. (Taking out his phone) I do not know if you saw all my photos, or remember from my profile -- did you see my dogs? I love dogs. Are you a dog person or a cat person?
EVE: Well, I like both.
MAN: No, no - If you had to choose. Say you could not pick both and you could only pick one.
EVE: Hm…
MAN: Everyone always has a preference.
EVE: Well, if someone held a gun to my head and told me I must choose between cats or dogs I would say cats. I used to be afraid of dogs when I was a kid.
MAN: (Almost offended or disgusted) I knew it. I knew you’d say cats. (Condescending) When I saw you in your red coat I knew immediately that you were a cat person.
EVE: (Confused) What does one say to that?
BONNIE: Was he trying to joke?
EVE: It did not seem like a joke. He legit seemed offended.
GWEN: Wow.
EVE: The dinner ended with him paying… (to him) are you sure? We can split it, if you want.
MAN: (With a condescending tone) I got it. It’s the least I can do for someone like you.
EVE: (Trying to make light) What does that mean?
MAN: I don’t imagine you have much money. (Exit)
BONNIE: Yikes.
EVE: At least he had the decency to text me after and say he didn’t feel a connection.
CLEO: What a low bar we strive for.
EVE: Honestly. And so, that is how ‘french guy’ was born. And the nickname trend. Speaking of… Wasn’t there a magician?
CLEO: Oh, there was…
BONNIE: What was his name again? Wasn’t it something like Abra Kadabra Adam?
GWEN: Presto Chango Pete?
CLEO: (Deadpans) Alakazam Andy. He was actually really nice. If he didn’t continuously refer to himself in the third person, we might have had a future. Saying things like, “Alakazam Andy would like to kiss you now” really made the mood disappear.
BONNIE: Hah! You so punny.
GWEN: And then sometimes, what they say online is just … so…
EVE: Questionable?
BONNIE: Mind-blowing?
CLEO: Revolting?
GWEN: Like this, I got this the other day. (Pulling out phone, they all do) Hey sexy. You (aside) spelled with the letter, not Y-O-U. Just the letter. Around, spelt “R-n-d” tonight- the number 2, N-I-T-E.”
EVE: Wait for it (Pulls out phone) “Let’s skip this small talk. Will you come over tonight?”
CLEO: “You want to fuck?”
BONNIE: I got something once like… “Hello beautiful, how are you? I know I might be kind of old but I just wanna let you know out of all my years you’re one of the most drop dead beautiful women I’ve ever seen since I can last remember and I thought I’d go out on a limb and let you know I’d love to take you out for a good old fashioned classy date with a classy man sometime.”
EVE: That one is actually kind of sweet-
BONNIE: He was sixty-two.
EVE: (Trying to make a positive) Well—
BONNIE: I was BARELY twenty.
EVE: Eek.
CLEO: Gross.
BONNIE: I mean, to each their own- but, yeah… that’s a bit of a gap. For me. Which I mentioned. On my profile. In which he claims he read.
CLEO: That’s not a gap. That’s a crater.
EVE: Well, if it makes you feel better one time I matched with a burrito on tinder.
CLEO: WHAT?
EVE: Yeah. I thought it was funny. But then it started to ask me what I wanted to be stuffed with.
BONNIE: Gross.
EVE: Yup. Oh and I also once matched 96% with a potato. But it never messaged me.
CLEO: Now that is a true match.
EVE: I thought so.
GWEN: (Looking at phone) Then, there are always the times when you answer back… because you have this little bit of hope of, like, “Oh! They don’t seem that bad. Maybe we can give this a shot.”
BONNIE: Which does not ever go well –
GWEN: Oh, absolutely never.
CLEO: I like this game. Examples please! (Motions to phones) And shots. We need shots.
EVE: Bartender! Four Washington Apple shots!
MAN: You got it, ladies!
GWEN: Pronto!
CLEO: (Standing up) Ladies, gentlemen, and distinguished guests of this fabulous venue. We present online dating at it’s finest. What you all have seen so far and what you are about to hear are stories that have actually happened to actual people that you may ACTUALLY know. Bear with us. As we unveil the hidden secrets and unlock the vault of conversations of ONLINE DATING
EVE: (MAN brings over shots) A FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT. (They take the shots) ANOTHER!
CLEO: AND ACTION!
GWEN: (Reading off of phone. Our characters pair off and reenact these conversations they once had with each other. They are goofy, becoming more drunk throughout, and having a good time as they go through it all, listening to each other’s stories.) Example! Part ONE from the profile of Eve!
EVE: THAT’S ME!
GWEN: IT YOU! (Clearing throat) Here we go. “Have you ever had the chance to visit the Museum of Fine Arts?”
EVE: I have – have you?
GWEN: “Damn. I was going to say I’d love to bring you. But, even if we went I wouldn’t have been able to hold your hand.”
EVE: Why’s that?
GWEN: “Well, I don’t know about the last time you were at a museum, but when I go they don’t let me touch the masterpieces.”
ALL: (Hands over mouth, loudly) OOH!!!!! (They all take shots)
GWEN: Here we got some one liners that are truly just… gems. Every single one. Gems.
CLEO: (Mimicking a man) “I’m from Israel. What’s your name?”
BONNIE: “So… looking at your profile… what are the chances you wanna add me to your list of six things you could never live without?”
CLEO: (Mimicking same man) I’m Dan.
EVE: “Would you like some company in bed tonight?”
CLEO: (Mimicking Dan) You there?
GWEN: Are you a Dementor, cause you take my breath away.
CLEO: (Mimicking Dan) Dear pretty lady, either stop being so darn beautiful or chat with me. Your choice.
BONNIE: (Breaking, laughing) What did you chose though?
CLEO: I mean option one is impossible sooooo…
GWEN: HELL YEAH IT IS!
BONNIE: So you chatted with him?
CLEO: Absolutely not.
EVE: “Anyway, I really like your smile and I find you very sexy, so I hope we can meet and have some fun.” Scroll… scroll… Eggplant emoji. Scroll… Fireworks gif.
CLEO: Christ.
GWEN: “Hey, I read your profile and you seem really cool. If I was a giraffe, I would slap my neck against 1,000 other giraffes to establish dominance over the herd and make you my giraffe queen.”
BONNIE: “How many shrimps have you ate in your life so you think? Over 500?”
CLEO: (Breaking, to audience) THESE ACTUALLY HAPPENED, PEOPLE
EVE: Yeah! We’re not that creative! (Interacting with CLEO) “Wow! It sounds like you’ve been having an amazing night”
CLEO: “Thank you! I’m two drinks in and the food is amazing!”
EVE: “wow! Gin again?”
CLEO: “Beer and gin!”
EVE: “Fancy, fancy”
CLEO: “I’m pretty sure that I’m the classiest dude ever”
EVE: (Flirty and fun) “Ya? Do you have a top hat?”
CLEO: “One for my head. One for my dick.”
BONNIE: (Laughing, disclaiming) Oh wait- this one is GOLD. (Composing self) For starters, this is from a white man:
MAN: Any luck finding black guys on here?
GWEN: Why did he ask specifically about black men?
BONNIE: That is EXACTLY what I asked. To which he said:
MAN: “I can just tell you like black guys. Haha. I also get turned on by that. I know it is weird but it is what I like. Probably due to my ex girlfriend cheating on me with black guys and me watching.
(Giant pause.)
CLEO: Wow.
BONNIE: (after a pause) There’s also that guy who wanted a lock of my hair.
EVE: Here’s a man who says he likes my profile and thinks we have a lot in common.
GWEN: Oh? What’s wrong with that?
EVE: Screename—WannaKnockYouUp4.
BONNIE: BOOM! There it is!
GWEN: And shall we never forget the time a man messaged me asking if I would dominate him in the bedroom? Which like… don’t get me wrong- I’m not vanilla BUT this man asked if I would please dominate him and making him my pet and had this fantasy of being a used pool boy. He gave me a script. A very. Lengthy. Script. Where I was lounging by the pool and he was serving me and all sorts of stuff… happened.
EVE: What sort of stuff?
GWEN: Use your imagination. Not only this… but he offered me $200 and everything I that was on my Amazon wish list if I would do this for him.
CLEO: That is quite the offer.
BONNIE: Did you take it?
GWEN: While, in a certain light it was tempting- I said no. It was a lot. This was all within the first message. There was no initial getting to know each other, no ‘hello, how are you’ just BOOM: dominatrix script!
EVE: That’s quite the first message.
CLEO: Yup. No wonder we end up trolling half the time. (All look at each other and scroll through. They pair up and act out the conversations below.)
MAN: Another round, how about some waters?
BONNIE: Yes and yes!
MAN: I’m on it- you all seem like you’re having a good time.
BONNIE: We’re just getting started. (MAN exits) And ACTION.
CLEO: (Throughout this next bit, CLEO and GWEN interact with each other as do Eve and Bonnie, acting out their online stories) How was your weekend? (Beat) How are you? (Beat) Any fun plans tonight?
GWEN: (Dryly) World domination. (Shift to BONNIE and EVE)
EVE: Hey I was wondering… did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
BONNIE: Like a bitch. (Shift to CLEO and GWEN)
GWEN: So, this site tells me that we’re a pretty high match. We should just forgo all the dating and get married. What kind of ring do you want?
CLEO: Emerald with small pearls on the side that has the blood of my enemies infused in it.
GWEN: Damn… you sound like my kind of girl. Wanna grab dinner sometime? (Shift to BONNIE and EVE)
BONNIE: On my way to Starbucks, want me to pick you up something?
EVE: Flaxseed.
BONNIE: L-O-L ! Whole Foods isn’t that far! How’s your day going? I’ve been told groceries are very intimate.
EVE: Who told you that?
BONNIE: People. Anyway, you seem harmless we should hang. (Shift to CLEO and GWEN)
CLEO: What kind of stuff do you like to draw?
GWEN: I don’t. (Shifting to another character) Hey – sorry to be so blunt but I’m only looking to sext so if you’re up for that we could have some fun xx
CLEO: No thanks. But I will hext you. (Aside) Curse you via dark magic in the form of online chat or text message.
GWEN: Please don’t, that’s quite scary actually.
CLEO: (Dryly) Okay.
GWEN: (Freaked out) Thanks. (Shift to BONNIE and EVE)
EVE+BONNIE: “You remind me of moon. Moon will be center of attraction and beautiful among all the stars in the sky. And also I think you have a great attracting force than earth.”
CLEO: (Breaking ‘shift’ sequence) Wait – which off you got that one?
EVE+BONNIE: We both did.
GWEN: (Suddenly) Oh my god – left handed guy! I forgot about him!
EVE: Who’s left handed guy?
CLEO: (Knowingly) Oh boy…
GWEN: (With a laugh) Well, it started off pretty normally – hey, how are you, how’s your day, etcetera, etcetera. So, we talk like this for a bit, you know- pretty normal, average conversation. He was cute, his profile was pretty standard … and then he asks me if I am left handed. Which… I am. I was a little thrown off at the time because… that’s not really one of the first online dating questions you come across. So, I told him I was, and he was all like “I knew it!” I asked him how he thought he knew. He said ‘well you’re more artsy and artsy people are more likely to be left-handed’ and then he told me how great it was that I was left handed. So, I asked him if he was and he was like:
MAN: No! I wish!
GWEN: I started to be like, well, this is a little… different- maybe let’s put this conversation on the back burner for a bit. Then, the moment I go quiet:
MAN: LEFTYYYYYYYY! What ya doing tonight? Coming to the city?
GWEN: (Dryly) Sup, righty?
MAN: hahahah I’m getting ready. (Pause) I’m both. I’m a converted lefty.
GWEN: I don’t think it works that way, man.
MAN: Hahahahahaha. Sure, it does! I’ll show you a scientific study later. Stop wasting your time chatting with these boring boys on here that will never keep your creative imagination and mind fulfilled long enough. I got what you need, boo. Friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, wing man- I guarantee we would click perfect.
GWEN: Nah.
MAN: I haven’t met a lefty yet that I didn’t click with everrrrrrrr.
GWEN: There’s a first time for everything.
MAN: Come on lefty!
GWEN: (To others) I stopped replying after that –
MAN: Lefty what up?
GWEN: But he didn’t-
MAN: Lefty, save me from these boring right-handed women!
GWEN: Stop –
MAN: Here’s my Facebook and Instagram
GWEN: Messaging me!
MAN: Facebook stalk me. Click away. Hit me up!
GWEN: (With a burst of frustration. To no one in particular) NO!
MAN: Is your boyfriend left-handed? Or girlfriends? Or any ex’s?
GWEN: What the hell?
MAN: The thing about lefties is you have to stimulate their minds in a certain way to keep them engaged. They like a certain kind of personality. And if you piss a lefty off then that’s it. They are tough to get back on their good side, if ever.
GWEN: And the cherry on top of it all:
MAN: P.S. make your fouth pic your profile and delete your fifth pic for better results! And if you get real brave I recommend a full body head to toe normal pic. Or just text me one and don’t show anyone else.
EVE: Wow.
GWEN: Yup.
CLEO: (Mocking jazz hands, but only with left hand) Left-handed guy, everybody!
GWEN: Lucky, lucky me. (Beat) Yikes.
BONNIE: I need to pee.
CLEO: I need another drink.
GWEN: You need water-
CLEO: You need to shhhhuuuuuush
EVE: We all need another one!
GWEN: Of water or a drink?
EVE: Both.
BONNIE: Okay… but can I pee first?
EVE: GO! PEE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING!
CLEO: PEE LIKE THE WIND!
BONNIE: I’m going! (She exits)
CLEO: Ya know. I hope she doesn’t get hurt. I don’t! For the amount of shit I give her – she deserves someone good… we all do.
EVE: And we’ll all find someone…
CLEO: You think?
EVE: Yeah!!! I mean… Yikes. Think about it! Just think! Do you ever look back on your college years and just cringe? I’d like to think I’ve evolved. Back then, I met a man online named Mason. “Harvard Grad Student.” Ugh. It was so shallow—that’s absolutely the reason I went out with him. We met at a Panera, so a step up from a strip mall food court. He presented like a normal human. Then, we sit down. He immediately starts pressing about my family life. I share, “My mother and sister live in Western Massachusetts.” Now, most men take a hint and read between the lines that I have clearly left a father figure out of my statement. Not Mason.
MAN: “Where’s your dad?”
EVE: It’s no secret here that my childhood was not ideal. I’m not ashamed, but I’m also not yelling it from the rooftops that things weren’t pretty on a first date. So, I say, “He’s not in the picture.”
MAN: Ooooo! Daddy issues!
EVE: Thus began the string of inappropriate and unwanted line of questioning…
MAN: How much money do you make? As a live-in nanny, do they make you eat in the bathroom? What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve found in their house? Why did your dad leave you?
EVE: I told him that he crossed the line. He backed off and apologized. Then, he whips out his phone and says,
MAN: Do you want to play a game? I’ll go first.
EVE: This MAN… this DATE… this HUMAN I am supposed to be on a DATE with opened up my dating profile and began rating my photos on a 1-10 scale. Lowest was a 3 and the highest was a 6.
MAN: Don’t take it personally! It’s just a game. You’re funny. Guys would want to fuck a funny 6. Maybe if you lost some weight or straightened your teeth, you’d be more aesthetically fuckable.
GWEN: Aesthetically fuckable?
EVE: HE THEN WANTED ME TO RATE HIS PICTURES! A saintly Panera employee was cleaning around our table and I jumped on the opportunity to GTFO. Then, he invited me back to his place.
MAN: My apartment isn’t too far from here.
EVE: What? So you could take me from behind with a bag over my head? That’s not what I said. Instead, I told him that we wouldn’t be going out again. I don’t know. Looking back on who I was on that date—I cringe hard. How could I allow myself to be subjected to that? But, growth.
CLEO: Now, you pick fights with men in bars and make them cry.
EVE: He didn’t cry and I’m not sorry. First of all, no man will look at me and tell me that I’m going to make him dinner. This is not the 1950s. I am not June Clever. If I must make you dinner, it will be English muffin pizzas or fucking starve.
GWEN: Wait wait wait wait wait. Can we all agree that it was a little excessive to be fighting over English muffin pizzas?
BONNIE: Abso-fuck-ing-lutly NEVER
CLEO: (Drunk) BONNIE’S BACK!
EVE: We missed you!
BONNIE: Is this English muffin pizza man?
EVE: AKA THE WORST
BONNIE: (Consoling) I know, he makes ya mad.
EVE: I’m not sorry about it! That lawyer needed everything in his life to be perfect. Every date was lavish—each course at a different restaurant. All without prices on the menu. When his smug face looked at me and said that our next date would be at my place and that I was going to cook dinner, English muffin pizza was the only thing I was offering. I am not fancy wines or Italian menus with words I needed to secretly google translate. I am English muffin pizza. When he looked at me and said that I could “do better” and he would find me a recipe to make… I saw red. Take no shit, hold no prisioners. Best part, he still tries to match with me on dating sites!
BONNIE: (Sighing) Men…
GWEN: Aren’t much better than women!
BONNIE: Debatable.
GWEN: Want to bet?!
CLEO: Oh boy.
GWEN: So online, if I talk to women they’re all like “are you actually even queer? Have you ever even been with another women before?” and it’s like, fuck off! First of all, yes, I am. Second of all, yes I have. I thought you might be someone who wouldn’t JUDGE me based on what I look like but I guess I was wrong. It makes me sad that I thought otherwise. Then I might as well forget meeting some men because sometimes when guys see that you’re bisexual they’re all like:
MAN: So… are you into threesomes? Have you ever had one? Would you like to?
GWEN: When is that ever an appropriate way to start a conversation?!
EVE: All manners seem to go out the window when people go online.
CLEO: Ain’t that the truth.
BONNIE: (Drunk. Trying to be optimistic) Well plenty of more fish in the sea, right?
GWEN: That’s what they seem to keep saying.
BONNIE: Well I found Clyde! He can’t be the only one who’s decent that was online- there’s like a million thousand and two people in this world… they can’t all suck and be crude, right? I mean no ones perfect – I’m certainly not perfect but you just gotta find someone who meshes with you, you know? Sometimes it takes, a lot of dates- I went on a lot of dates, remember?
CLEO: We remember.
(BONNIE dramatically gasps)
EVE: WHAT?
BONNIE: LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS MAN I WENT OUT WITH THIS ONE TIME. OKAY? This was one of them. He was only one date but it was in the middle of a bunch of dates when I was trying to get out there and date, you remember?
CLEO: We remember!
BONNIE: Remember! A few years back-
CLEO: RIGHT-
BONNIE: Tryin’ to get out there. Okay! So, we met online. And we were chatting – and then he asked me out. And I was like FUCK IT let’s go-
GWEN: YEAH YOU DID.
BONNIE: I did! I mean I told him that I did not love meat. Like the food meat. Not meaning like dick meat but like meat meat. Like cows. But, I’m not a vegetarian.
EVE: Obviously.
BONNIE: RIGHT. So he was like “Well I know this REALLY GOOD SPOT IN LOWELL (she glares at the audience) LET ME TAKE YOU IT’S VEGERTARIAN.” And I was like. I know where we’re going.
GWEN: YOU LOVE LIFE ALIVE!
BONNIE: I DO!
CLEO: But not on a first date, dumb ass.
BONNIE: I MEAN, RIGHT. BUT IT WAS FINE. So, it was summer. It was summer camp. I was working at summer camp.
EVE: You always work at summer camp.
BONNIE: RIGHT. SO, I was all sweaty from working at summer camp. BUT I ran home I showered, I wanted to look nice and smell nice cause it was a date.
CLEO: Praised be.
BONNIE: And so I go, I shower, I looked nice!
GWEN: I bet you looked hot!
BONNIE: I sure tried. And I meet him at Life Alive. And he’s standing there. And – well you know I like beards-
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