#n are able to engage w/these kinds of things with healthy boundaries n limits n stuff

[hua-fei-hua]

we have moved on to persuasive speeches in comm class n bc we have so little time left in the semester they're gonna be partner debates, so i have grouped up with the guy in there with whom i started talking abt genshin a while back, n we're just like. "fuck it. let's just do the ethics of gacha games and whether they should be regulated like gambling in casinos"

[eveningclouds]

hiiiii I noticed you have been doing these cute things like spontaneous Tuesday and limiting your social media and I was just wondering why? because I’m trying to be more self reliant emotionally if that makes sense, and I’m just wondering what you’re doing with incorporating these small things into your life!

hiii !! <33 🌷🌷🌷this Will get long wnd i Am on mobile i'msorry i'll add a readmore later 😭

i don't thhink i talk abt it too much but btwn nov 2020 - may 2021 i experienced a pretty rough period of psychosis. i'd experienced this before too, but i think it was exacerbated by the combination of intense physical isolation bc of covid + prolonged increased interaction over social media bc of covid + a series of unexpected upsetting things in my personal life...i questioned reality a LOT. like for example: how can u prove ur friends exist when u only text them? like how do u know ur not texting like an ai on an app with just the name of ur friend? how do u know that ur memories are real if you're the only one who remembers them? how is that different from a dream or imagination?...i developed some pretty strange beliefs from this about 'reality.'

around this same time my sister and i started walking to the park every friday just to get out of the house. it gave us something to look forward to when the rest of our days were monotonous. we got to see other people even if they were strangers. we were exposed to sunlight and physical activity in a fun way. and at first we were really miserable? going to the swings in 40 degree slush is not super fun. but it turned out that even just having new things to complain about helped vary our routines. and eventually i was able to ease out of the feeling that i was constantly being Watched by some omnipresent Spectre that was weaving my life in order to enrich someone else's dream universe or whatever. bc once i picked up an internship and started walking to the park and got a job i just had less time to sit around and talk myself into circles?

i always thought i had a healthy relationship with social media. i kept my harry stuff on here and found a rly cool community of people to talk to when i was rly bored and lonely. and i logged into insta once or twice a week just to check my friends' dms. but u don't rly realize how much of an effect it has on u to have continuous access to an online universe that has real Tangible impacts on ur worldview yet cannot be held in ur hands until u take time away from it. like even tho i put SO much effort into maintaining boundaries, for example by not reblogging pap pics or initially i would never even say that i 'loved' him or anything, just the fact that u have access to so much information changes the way u think ! it's kind of like with alcohol, u don't realize u have a dependence until u try going a week or two without it n realizing hey wait a minute...it IS way harder to stop than i thought it'd be

when i go on a four hour scroll on the internet, in the aftermath i just feel really fuzzy and frustrated. in a few days, i won't even remember what i read. like that short term satisfaction is fun but it also is such a time suck yk...but when i take a fifteen minute walk outside, i usually end up feeling so refreshed afterwards even if i was convinced it wouldn't be worth it. and in a few days, i'll still be able to recollect some person's cool outfit i saw or some flowers or sth. it makes me feel more engaged with and in control of my life when i break out of the internet scrolling inertia.

spontaneous tuesdays give me sth to look forward to! i struggle w True spontaneity #autism so i schedule them, but they help me regulate my time better, get used to doing things alone (usually), and add an element of comfortable unpredictability into my routine. social media breaks make me more conscious about how much time i spend on social media - what i'm gaining and what i'm losing - and also basically force me to keep up with my other hobbies like reading and art. i feel centered when i read a book and i feel accomplished when i draw a picture, two feelings i hardly associate with social media. i think they're both just about mindfulness? like...noticing and engaging with my surroundings with more intention and care for myself. it's really hard at first bc obv i'd rather spend my class-free day laying in bed instewd of lost on the subway!! but at the end of the day i'm always glad i've gone through with it :)

[fucktoyfelix]

Hard Limits

The biggest boundary people ask me about is if I will dominate or top them. I won't, so don't get your hopes up. I’m happy to talk about sex n fantasies and stuff in public, but DMs are only for subscribers.  I love humiliation play, but it's important to me that I respect the consent of strangers. Public play has to be discrete or get the consent of everyone present. Any kind of prolapse, diapers/scat/shit, absolutely no gaping of any kind. I have no interest in being peed on and will not drink anyone's pee. (Im ok with being forced to wet myself though!) I have no interest in having cum spit into my mouth, i really only wanna drink cum when it's fresh from a fat cock...but drinking cum from a cup or something would b pretty hot.  Anything that permanently changes my body in a way that I'm not okay with is also not something I'm into. So, making me workout to get more healthy for a top is great, but nothing like weight gain, tattoos or piercings. (unless they were tattoos or piercings I wanted anyway) My sexual health is very important to me so STIs are a hard no.  Anything that is bigoted and oppresses a group that I'm not a member of is off the table: mainly race play. I'm not ok with random cis people engaging in transphobia or misgendering play w me. Rly only into that with other trans people or long term and trusted cis partners. Absolutely not into anything that harms irl children, animals, or anyone else that is unable to consent. Some other things to know: I don't masturbate by inserting my fingers and have never ever been able to successfully edge this way. It's bad stim and I find it distracting. I've never been able to get close to an edge by myself with dildos either. (Other people w toys is a different story since i cum easily when I know my partner wants me to due to my conditioning) I like being degraded, and my boundaries are somewhat backwards of most people. Wanna share a sexual fantasy? Go for it! But I view cuddling, aftercare and stuff like that as highly personal and it grosses me out to have people who don’t know me try to engage with me that way. I am not your partner, do not act like I am. DONT REFER TO ME WITH THE FOLLOWING:

-she/her or girl/woman/chick or any variation -my deadname, which you probably dont know anyway so lets keep it that way -baby -sweetie/sugar

-any diminutive term usually used with women -smart/intelligent/clever -tomboy -my legal name, or my vanilla screen name (if you know me from porn internet) -FTM or AFAB (im transmasc or a person with a pussy, i was never female) COMBINATIONS OF THESE THINGS ARE GR8 THO

-he/him  or any variation of boy/son/king -dude/bro -transmasc -femboy -pet -fuckboy -fucktoy -cocksleeve/cockwarmer/fleshlight -slut -idiot/dumb/stupid -bitch -cuntboy

Let me know if you thought of anything else and have any questions so I can update this as needed.