#n I got two nice guitars too it rules bro

[pedromodesto69]

Dawg I’m so hype I finally have like all the drum stuff I want. There’s like one cymbal I wanna buy sometime when I got money lying around but I hella don’t need it like I got nice double bass pedals nice cymbals and I got replacements for my cymbals in case they break. I got cheap cymbals to practice on, I got a decent kit, nice cymbal and snare and Tom stands. I got a decent snare, I finally figured out how to get my toms sounding good I’m hella chillin it rules it feels so weird to not need to go online hella to look for new drum shit.

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Life in Quarantine (Part 1) | Owen Patrick Joyner

Summary: A series about being stuck in quarantine with your best friend Owen and trying not to lose your mind over being stuck inside all day every day. 

Pairing: Owen x reader

Warnings: Fluff, minor swearing, lots of singing

Songs used: Don’t Let Go by En Vouque/ Washington on Your Side from Hamilton/ More than Words by Little Mix / Not a Pop Song by Little Mix  -- All credits go to owners of these songs

A/N: I know nothing about songwriting and none of this will probably ever happened in real life, but it just worked for the story, alright? Alright. Enjoy! 

Words: 3,372

Part 1: Not A Pop Song

Norman, Oklahoma. My home town. The place where I was born and raised. The place where I learned how to live and love. Where I learned what heartbreak is. Where I met and lost friends. The town all my most valued memories reside. 

It’s also where I met my best friend, Owen. Our mothers were, and still are, college besties. So, us becoming friends was kind of inevitable. We went through everything together. Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle School and High School. Wherever you saw me, you saw Owen and vice versa. A lot of people often thought we were a couple, but that’s been off the table since day one. In Elementary School, Owen and I made a pact with five different rules to seal our friendship forever. The list only grew as we got older. But here’s the gist: 

1. If one is teased or bullied, the other takes revenge 2. Always sing and dance together whenever one asks, even if you don’t want to 3. Always share cookies 4. Always play together at recess 5. Always sit together at lunch

Then the additions from Middle and High School: 

6. We will never, ever, ever date each other or each other’s siblings 7. Ethan, Evan and Emmy are off limits too 8. Crushes too 9. Always go to Broadway shows together 10. Never lie even if you wanna do it for the right reasons. There is no right reason.  11. Always support each other’s dreams and successes 12. Always hate each other’s exes 13. Always share ice cream 14. Never share our secrets with other 15. Always go to parties together

That last one was added by Owen in senior year of High School when I didn’t want to go to a party since it was my exes party and we’re supposed to hate each other’s exes. But, since he’s been in LA for most of senior year to pursue his acting career, I really couldn’t say no. Him going off to Los Angeles for months, sometimes even longer, started in eighth grade when he landed the role of Crispo Powers in a Nickelodeon show called ‘100 things to do before High School’, which I religiously watched, of course.  Rule 9 tells you to. After High School, the two of us split ways. I headed off to Boston to study at Berklee College of Music to major in songwriting as it’s always been a dream of mine to become a songwriter, while Owen went to LA to further pursue his career in acting. We’ve tried to keep in contact, but daily calls turned into weekly calls turned into monthly calls. Five months in, we just try to at least check in with each other every now and then, which is what works best for our busy schedule. Then December 2018 came and changed my life entirely for the better. The representative of Syco and Columbia records said he was in need of fresh blood to co-write songs with none other than Little Mix on their next album.  They held a competition at Berklee College, and long story short, I won! Yay me. To say I was nervous to write with a girl group I’ve been a fan of since the very beginning is an understatement. But they were so nice to work with. We’d take turns flying to each other’s countries and wrote about five songs together of which only two made it onto the actual album. None of it made much sense to me at the time, it all just seemed like one big dream. Owen was pretty excited about it too. He knew how big a fan I was of the girls. Even though he wasn’t a big fan himself, he still listened to the album, mostly to listen to the songs I’d written. Over FaceTime, we even played a game called ‘Guess what song I’ve written’, and he’d gotten one right. The girls even gave you a full-time job as co-writer on more projects of theirs and even recommended you to other artists. This meant you had to quit college and become a full-time freelance songwriter. Thanks to Little Mix, though, you’ve gotten the nicest people to hire you. Since then, you’ve worked with artists like Meghan Trainor, Bea Miller, Isabella Merced -- who you could gossip with about Owen from her time working with him -- and even Harry Styles. The fifteen-year-old inside you didn’t know what to do with herself when that collaboration happened. But working with all those people also meant I had to move again. This time to Los Angeles. When I told Owen the good news, he immediately suggested you move in with him. It’s the thing you guys said you would do once you got older; get an apartment together. So, it was the only logical move. “Welcome to your new casa!” He said dramatically when leading me into the apartment. The tall white walls and large windows illuminated the entire place with a welcoming feeling. “Let me show you to your room, so you can drop off your excessive luggage and then I’ll give you the tour of the entire space.” I raise an eyebrow at his words. “Bro, I have excessive luggage because I just moved from Boston to freaking LA!” I exclaim, followed by an amused chuckle as I try to push him, but fail since he’s much stronger. From that moment on, I knew moving in with Owen would be the best and worst idea I ever had. 

And speaking of ‘worsts’. From March 2020, the two of us were stuck at home together due to the outbreak of the coronavirus. Just when I was supposed to start working with Little Mix on their new album. I would’ve been in London now, but instead, I’m stuck in LA with my best friend who doesn’t have a job at the moment since he’d just finished filming a new Netflix show called Julie and The Phantoms. What I heard from it this far, it sounds pretty amazing. I even went to Vancouver with Owen for a few weeks. It was a fun trip and gave me some new inspiration for some songs. “Hey, Nugget,” Owen says as he walks into the room we call our studio where I’m working. “I’m kinda in the middle of something, Ace. Can it wait?” I know I shouldn’t work out my frustration on my best friend, but it kind of fell out of my mouth before I could stop myself. “Sorry, Nugget, I’m kinda bored…” I sigh exasperatedly and bob my head to signal his permission to come in. “What are you working on?” he asks as he sits down on the armrest of the armchair I’m sitting on. “This Little Mix song I can’t seem to make work,” I reply and point to the notebook in front of me. “I’ve got a few good lyrics, but the melody seems impossible.” Owen takes the notebook from me and closes it before getting up. “Time for a little break,” he says and goes to sit behind his drum kit. “Guess what song I’m playing,” he then says and starts with the cymbals, then hi-hats and when a beat finally floats through the room, my brain starts to work. This is a game we’ve been playing every time I’m in need of a break or just for fun. We’d take turns in playing a part of a song on our respective instruments and the other has to guess which song it is by singing along. “What’s it gonna be? Cuz I can’t pretend Don’t you wanna be More than friends Hold me tight and don’t let go Don’t let go Have the right to lose control Don’t let go” A smile appears on Owen’s as I get the first song right. He always underestimates my love for girl bands from the 80’s and 90’s. Though, I think he might’ve given me this one because I’m so frustrated from working on that song. “Your turn,” he then says after having hit a couple more toms and cymbals. I think about it for a moment, and then start plucking the sixth string to create a more bassy sound. Owen stares at the guitar for a moment trying to figure out what song I’m playing. Then, his eyes widen as he recognizes the sound. “It must be nice, it must be nice To have Washington on your side It must be nice, it must be nice To have Washington on your side” I let out a loud whoop in excitement, choking the strings to stop the sound. “I still can’t do that rap though!” he actually sounds disappointed in himself. “Washington isn’t gon’ listen to disciplined dissidents This is the difference This kid is out!” I proudly yell out, earning impressed applause from my best friend. The smile on his face warms me up inside. Owen has always had the most beautiful smile, in my opinion. He has one of those smiles that could just instantly make you happy. No matter how bad a day you had. “Very impressive, Nugget,” he replies with a smirk that sends shivers down my spine. Ever since I moved in, he’s gotten more and more flirty with me. I’m not sure if it’s just a change in his personality that he’s acquired in Los Angeles or if it’s something else, but it’s there. Not that I mind. Something has shifted in me too since we moved in together. It’s even gotten me thinking about removing rule number 6 from our pact. “Your turn, Ace,” I quickly change the subject, just so I don’t have to think about him like that too much. Our dynamic as best friends is too good to ruin it all. Twenty years of that is a long time to just throw away like that. “Alright, an easy one,” he says and simply starts stomping the bass pedal to activate his bass drum.  It’s a slow, almost menacing thump that sounds very familiar. A little too familiar. “Oh, I need you more than words can say Oh, You saved me in ways I can’t explain Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same Oh, I need you more than words can say” It’s one of the two songs on Little Mix’s last album that I helped write. The song that means most to me since I wrote it with Owen in mind. It was a period of time where all I wanted was to see Owen and be able to talk to him and just spend time with him like we used to before his whole acting adventure. I think he’ll stop after the chorus, but instead, he picks up his drum sticks and starts playing the rest of the song on his drum kit. Deciding it could be a fun jam session, I start playing the chords on my guitar as well whilst continuing with the lyrics. “Won't forget, won't forget Won't forget when he broke my heart How you helped me through You turned, you turned, you turned a disaster into a dream Gave me the power, made my life brand new When the world try to break us, we found magic And we grew stronger, though every line, line, line Every night, every night, every night I strain and sing the truth Now, now they know that they gonna be alright, alright” The memories of when I wrote this song start slipping through my mind. I remember how alone I felt, even in a room with a dozen other people. I remember how much I missed Owen. “I find peace in every story you told I think of you, I'll never be alone It's true, true, true You know I do, do, do” My eyes lock with Owen for a moment. He shoots me a comforting smile that makes me feel right at home. And I don’t mean here. I mean home as in Norman, Oklahoma. “Oh, I need you more than words can say Oh, you save me in ways that I can't explain Always been there for me, now I'll do the same Oh, I need you more than words can say Oh, I need you more than words can say” We both stop playing and just look at each other for a while. I’ve never told Owen I wrote this song for him, but at the same time, I think he might already know. That doesn’t take away the urge to tell him though. “I wrote that about you when I missed you,” I blurt out without properly thinking about it. “Really?” he asks while coming out from behind his kit. Combing his long, blonde hair back, he makes his way over to me and grabs the guitar from my lap. “Yeah, I thought you’d know?” He chuckles, shaking his head whilst tickling the strings. I’d taught him a couple of songs on the guitar since we started living together. “You write with a lot of people, Nugget. Could’ve just been their words as well....” He isn’t wrong about that. Maybe it was a lot less obvious than I thought it was. “So, what are the guidelines for this one?” he questions. I grab my notebook again and open it on the page I was working on before he fluttered into the studio. “They didn’t want another pop song. Kind of more like a ‘fuck you’ to Simon Cowell for treating them so badly and telling them what to do and what to wear and whatnot,” I explain, showing the few lines I have already. Some of them Jade had sent me, others were Perrie’s, a couple were mine. “What are most pop songs about?” Owen queries. I know he’s trying to help me, but he’s kind of making me nervous with the constant strumming of the guitar. “Songs about falling in love, or drinks and drugs…” I sum up at the top of my mind, “Or heartbreak…” Owen nods his head whilst continuing to play the same few chords over and over again. I focus on the melody for a moment as my creative juices start to work again. “This ain’t another pop song ‘bout falling in love Or a party song ‘bout drinks and drugs No more singing songs ‘bout breaking my heart And my lonely nights dancin’ in the dark” I look up at Owen for validation. Nodding his head encouragingly, he keeps playing the same few chords but a little louder this time to support the flow of my lyrics. “If I’m a guilty pleasure I want this life forever I’ll take it all ‘cause anything is better Than another pop song ‘bout falling in love But if you wanna sing along say ‘I don’t give a fuck!’” Owen starts jumping around excitedly, and I can’t help but laugh at his adorableness. He used to get this excited whenever I sent him a demo of the songs I was working on. “Let’s record a demo!” he exclaims and, after handing me my guitar back, moves towards the recording equipment. “Let’s start with some guitar,” he says and that’s how our recording starts. First, the guitar, then Owen records some drums, and then I get behind the mic to sing the song all by myself. I can just imagine how amazing this’ll sound with the girls’ voices instead of mine. “No broken bottles Or glitter on the floor form the night before Ain’t no boy troubles If that’s what you came here for then you should know” I lapse back into the chorus one last time before we finish recording and put everything together. We listen to it a couple more times before sending it over to Little Mix and their management. Awaiting their answer, we head into the kitchen to make some dinner together. It only takes about half an hour before I get a call from Jade. “This song is epic!” she shouts into my ear before I can even say hello. “Exactly what we needed, Y/N, thank you so much!” I’ve grown accustomed to her thick Geordie accent, though it was hard to understand in the beginning. “Thanks, Jade! Owen helped me out a little,” I reply, looking up at Owen himself who shoots me a wink that sends a rush of heat from my head all the way to my toes. The girls all know about Owen. I’d told them about my best friend and how supportive he was, and they always teased me saying I was so in love with this guy. Which I didn’t realize at the time and always denied. Rule 6 clearly states no dating each other. “Give him a big snog as a thanks then!” Jade jokes, and I can even hear the others in the background. “I’m on Zoom with the girls at the moment. They say hi!” “Hi back!” I can’t stop the giggle from escaping from my lips. “I gotta go, Jade. Thanks for getting back to me about the song. I can’t wait to hear you guys singing it!” Jade snickers on the other side of the line. All while I’m watching Owen make some pasta at the stove. There’s something so attractive about him in the kitchen, I’m not sure what it is. Fuck, Jade is right. I am very much in love with my best friend and there’s nothing I’m going to be able to do about it. Stupid pact we made in the first grade. “We’ll call you later to discuss some more arrangements and stuff. Bye, Y/N!” “Bye, Jade! Bye girls!” I say loudly, knowing I’m probably on speaker phone anyway. “Bye, Y/N!” the girls chorus. I hang up the phone and look at Owen for a few seconds before bursting out into an excited cheer, dancing my way towards him. “They loved it! They loved it! They loved it!” I shout loudly, and cup Owen’s face in my hands before pressing my lips to his in an outburst of elation. I’m surprising yourself at first, but then melt into the familiarity of his embrace as his arms snake around my waist whilst kissing me back. He’s actually kissing me back. “And that’s rule number 6 out the door…” Owen mumbles when he pulls away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have,” I mumble and step away from him, or at least try to. His arms tighten around my waist, restricting me from taking another step. “I’ve been thinking about talking to you about that stupid rule, Nugget. I’ve hated it ever since we were 16.” My eyes widen at his confession. Since we were sixteen? SIXTEEN? That’s four years ago. That’s even long before I realized I felt more for him than just a platonic love. “16? Why didn’t you say anything?!” Owen chuckles, retracting his arms from around my waist and instead tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his hand on my cheek. “You were pretty enamoured with Ryan, remember?” My heart breaks at the mention of the prick’s name. Ryan was my very first heartbreak and the worst at that. Owen was in LA at the time, but when he heard the news, he almost immediately flew back to Norman Oklahoma to comfort me and eat ice cream together. “Besides, I was constantly on the move from LA to Norman, it wouldn’t have been fair to you…” “You’re the sweetest human being alive, Owen Patrick Joyner,” I tell him with a smile tugging at my lips, but then turn serious again as I flick his forehead. He lets out an ‘ow’ and shoots me a confused glare. “And the stupidest! I’ve been in love with you since I don’t know when, but I never realized until now! The girls from Little Mix even knew but I was too oblivious or stubborn to see it myself. If you’d told me, I probably would’ve realized sooner!” “Well… I told you now?” he tries, the cheesiest smile on his face that makes me roll my eyes. “I love you, Ace,” I whisper, “And not the platonic kind this time.” “I love you too, Nugget.” He leans down again after that, reconnecting our lips into a passionate kiss. The first of many. This ought to be a very interesting quarantine together.

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[neerasrealm]

I am enabling you

BAND AU BAND AU. SO GLAD I GET TO WRITE ABT THIS YEEEEEEE i kinda lost motivation towards the end but dfvsdgfhsd its fiiiiine. i got a couple more ideas for this au so...expect a couple more fics?? maybe??

Jason wasn’t sure if he could call the room a ‘practice room’. It felt more like a lounge. The walls were checkered with soundproof foam in places, as was the floor. There were also a lot of things hanging up on the walls. Posters of various rock bands and cult classic movies, all framed of course. The room was littered with instruments. Guitars, basses, a keyboard, a drumset, microphones- any instrument one could need, it was there. But there was also a lot of comfy furniture. Bean bags, a couple armchairs that had been dragged out of the trash, and of course, the old reliable sofa. It was stained and the springs were starting to break, but it was comfy, and Jason was quite happy lounging across it. He kicked his foot calmly in time to the beat of the music quietly playing from his boyfriend’s record player. He sighed and glanced over at the boyfriend in question. His name was Zalgo, and he had copper-brown skin and fluffy brown hair that was dyed red at the tips. Tattoos swirled up his arms and another stretched across his neck. He was covered in piercings too. His ears, his nose, a couple on his eyebrows, even a snakebite on his lower lip. His eyes were closed, and he was lounging in a big bean bag, a weed joint clenched between his teeth.

‘’They’re late again.’’ he murmured. 

‘’Nnh?’’ the joint flicked upward as Zalgo grunted. 

‘’The girls. We were supposed to have a practice session,’’ he looked down at the watch on his wrist. ‘’Twenty minutes ago.’’ 

‘’Mmmh…’’ Zalgo shifted in the bean bag, then abruptly jumped up in a startlingly quick movement. He stretched and groaned, then pulled the joint out of his mouth, smacking his dry lips. He looked over at Jason. He was wearing contacts again. These ones were golden and bright, and accentuated how...alluring, his gaze could be. His mouth curled up into a small grin. ‘’Just means more time for you and me.’’ he murmured as he walked slowly over to the couch where Jason sat. The redhead smirked at him as he leaned down toward him. 

‘’...You’re getting old.’’ Jason murmured before shoving Zalgo’s face away. The other man groaned and swatted at him before breaking into laughs. 

‘’I am not! I am just as cool and as sexy as senior year! Girls love me!’’

‘’You’re gay, Zalgo. And almost thirty.’’

‘’Hmph.’’ Zalgo puts his hands on his hips, pouting. Jason looked him over for a long moment. Zalgo had certainly kept his style from highschool. He wore a loose cut black tank top with a metal band’s logo on it. The neck was low, exposing his collar and the necklaces he wore around his neck. He was also wearing black ripped jeans with a studded belt with chains hanging off it. Almost every finger on his hand was decorated with a ring shiny ring. He was attractive, and carried himself with a confident flare only he could pull off. Jason could never pull that off. Showing so much skin, playing with makeup- it wasn’t his thing. He stuck with classic jeans, button-ups and ties with sneakers. Simple, yes, but it worked for him. And somehow Zalgo thought he was handsome enough to have dated him for over ten years. Jason smiled a bit and settled back in his seat.

‘’Do you...want to sit down?’’ he asked slowly. Zalgo looked down at him and grinned. He moved to lay down beside Jason, but the redhead put his hand on his chest and stopped him. ‘’...give me the joint first.’’ 

Zalgo huffed and rolled his eyes. He handed his boyfriend the joint and lay down, snuggling up against Jason as he took a drag of the joint. He sighed out, smoke blowing from his mouth. Zalgo looked up at him, watching him calmly. He reached up and caressed the other male’s jawline. ‘’...anyone ever tell you you’re fucking beautiful?’’ 

‘’No, my mother didn’t love me.’’ 

‘’PFFFFFT-’’ Zalgo wheezed loudly, bursting into loud cackles of amusement. Jason smiled and laughed gently. They were so distracted with just laughing on the couch like a couple of stupid dumb teens that they didn’t hear the front door being opened. They did however, hear it being slammed shut without warning, and it scared Zalgo so bad he fell off the couch with a yelp. The two stared at each other as they heard voices in the front hall downstairs. Zalgo grinned and rolled over onto his stomach, listening intently to the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs toward them. Zalgo skittered across the room and pressed himself against the wall beside the door. 

Jason took a drag of the joint and watched the door, which was quickly and violently kicked open.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE?!" 

He blew smoke out of his mouth. "Hello Natalie." He greeted calmly. Natalie was a short girl, with long caramel hair and tanned skin. Her eyes were bright and green, and she grinned wide at him. She was dressed in a denim jacket that hung off her shoulders, along with a white Guns N' Roses t-shirt and ripped navy jeans. As she waved her hands excitedly Jason could see the watch around her wrist glint in the light. A birthday gift he'd given her a few years ago.

"There you are!" Zalgo lunged out from behind the door and yanked his niece into a tight bear hug. She squealed and battered her fists against him, making the both of them giggle. Jason glanced over at the door and noticed a girl he'd never seen before, standing there looking around anxiously.

She had curly ginger hair and wore a simple green jacket with denim jeans. She was shorter than Natalie, who was short enough for a seventeen year old already. When she caught Jason's gaze she smiled nervously and waved a bit. Her smile quickly dropped however when she noticed the joint in Jason's hand. He glanced at it, then reached over and snuffed it out in the ashtray on the end table beside him. Zalgo would probably be mad about him wasting good weed later, but he didn't really care. 

"This a friend of yours, Natalie?" The redhead asked as he sat up on the couch. 

"This is Alice." Said a tall girl as she walked into the room and leaned against the doorway. Her name was Jane, and she was Natalie's girlfriend. She had dark skin, decorated with paler splotches in random places. She wore a long black dress with a leather jacket, fishnet gloves and tights, and platform boots that made a satisfying 'clunk' noise when she walked. Her hair was done up in braids, which were tied up in a pseudo ponytail. And she was also munching on a teacake that she'd definitely stolen from the kitchen. Jason glared at her.

"I told you to ask before taking those, y'know." He muttered. Jane shrugged and watched Natalie stumble out of the tight hug she'd been suffocating in. She turned to Alice with a grin and lunged over, slinging an arm over the smaller girl. 

"This is Alice!" She said again. "She's part of the drama club in school. Really good singing voice!" She turned to the ginger girl. "Right? You're an amazing singer!"

"U-Um-" Alice rubbed at her arm anxiously. "I'm not...that good…" she mumbled, her head lowering. Jason softened as he looked at the poor, nervous girl. 

"Nice to meet ya, Alice." Zalgo said gently. He walked over and crouched down, holding out his hand for her to shake. Alice stared at his arm.

"Your tattoos are so cool-" she blurted. She immediately slapped her hands over her mouth, wincing. Zalgo chuckled.

"Why thank you! I'm pretty proud of em myself." He said with a warm smile. "So you're Nat's friend?"

"I...guess," Alice rubbed at her arm again. "She uh- she said she wanted me to...join a band…? I-I dunno if I'm really cut out for that…"

Natalie shook her head and clamped her hand down on her shoulder. "Alice, I already told ya, your singing is incredible bro!" She leaned down and grinned at her. "Uncle Zalgo knows eeeverrryyythinggg about music. You just gotta impress him and you're in the band."

Alice looked at Zalgo. "You're...uncle Zalgo…?" She asked quietly, sounding even more scared. Zalgo nodded and stood up.

"Sure am." He gestured over at Jason. "That's Jason, by the way. He has a huge crush on me and sleeps in my bed. It's super embarrassing."

"Hey, you came out to me." Jason growled. Zalgo laughed. 

"It's...nice to meet you, sirs." Alice murmured. Jason looked at her and smiled gently. He sat up on the couch so the others could sit down. Zalgo obliged, flopping himself down next to him with a soft grunt. Natalie was quick to join them, sitting on Zalgo's other side while Jane occupied the arm of the chair. That left Alice...standing in front of them. Like she was being judged. It reminded her eerily of an audition.

"How old are ya?" Zalgo asked with the tilt of his head. Alice fidgeted. 

"Erm- fifteen." Zalgo looked at Natalie and arched a brow. Alice coughed. "B-But um- I've been singing since I was seven." She added. Zalgo gave a nod.

"Alright...think you can demonstrate?" He asked. Alice glanced away anxiously and he smiled a bit. "C'mon, you can't be any worse than Jason."

"Rude."

"I like Jason's voice." Jane piped up. Jason smiled.

"Thank you, Jane, you're the only person here who shows me any kindness…"

"Hey! I bring home pizza for you!" Zalgo said, pouting.

"You work at Pizza Hut, Zalgo. You get that stuff for free." Jason replied sternly. Alice laughed a little bit at the two of them. Jason turned back to her and smiled. 

‘’So what style of music do you do?’’ he asked. Alice’s eyes widened.

‘’Oh- mostly showtunes, broadway stuff.’’ she replied. Jason nodded. She felt a bit more relaxed now. It just….felt like an audition. She’d done those dozens of times before. ‘’I can sing Defying Gravity- from uh- Wicked?’’ she suggested. 

‘’Go ahead, girl.’’ Zalgo replied, leaning back on the couch again. Alice nodded and cleared her throat. 

‘’Something has changed within me...something is not the same, I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game,’’ she hadn’t had a chance to warm up, and she winced at how her voice sounded. But when she looked at the others they didn’t seem to notice. ‘’Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep…’’ she took a deep breath, preparing herself for the high notes coming up. ‘’It’s time to trust my instincts...close my eyes...and leap.’’ 

‘’Stop.’’ Zalgo interrupted her. She stopped and looked at him, afraid. Had she failed the high note? Did her rusty voice really sound that bad…? ‘’You’re amazing girl!’’ 

‘’Wh-wha-’’

‘’Seriously! You sound like you could be on broadway!’’ Zalgo grinned wide at her as he spoke. Jason nodded in agreement. Nat hopped up off the couch and slung her arm around Alice’s shoulder again.

‘’So is she in?’’

‘’Well of course she’s in!’’ Zalgo stood up and thrust out his hand. ‘’Welcome to the band, Alice.’’

Alice smiled sheepishly and took his hand. ‘’Thanks...what uh- what do I get for being in it?’’

‘’Free music lessons and pop tarts. Plus vibing privileges.’’ 

‘’V-Vibing privileges…?’’ 

‘’You’re allowed come over whenever.’’ Jason explained. ‘’Though you probably have better things to do than hang out with two thirty year old men who do nothing but watch Netflix all day.’’

‘’Oh.’’ 

‘’Oh c’mon, we’re cool!’’ Zalgo pouted at him. ‘’In fact, I can prove it.’’

‘’Please don’t.’’ Jason murmured. Alice watched Zalgo scamper over to the corner of the room and grab one of the instruments. He held it up proudly. It was a red guitar, with two necks and a body cut into jagged shapes. He grinned and held it down to playing height, strolling back over to Alice. 

‘’Pretty sweet, huh?’’

‘’Oh my god do you have to show that thing to every guest we get?’’ Jason called irritably. Zalgo shot him a look. 

‘’How do you even play that…?’’ Alice asked in amazement. Zalgo smiled.

‘’Lots of practice and quick timing.’’ he replied, strumming a few chords. ‘’What instruments do ya play, girl?’’

‘’Oh uh- I- don’t. I just sing.’’ Alice glanced away nervously as she spoke. Zalgo arched a brow at her, surprised.

‘’I thought she’d be good for backup!’’ Natalie chimed in.

‘’I think she’d be good for my songs,’’ Jane added. ‘’Just like with Jason.’’ Zalgo nodded and looked at the ginger girl for a moment. He turned on his heel and put his beloved guitar down, then moved over to another part of the room and rummaged through a plastic bin he had laying around. 

‘’I know just the thing for you then,’’ he murmured. Alice looked surprised, until he stood up again and held up a tambourine. ‘’This is exactly what we’ve been missing, and it’s easy to learn!’’

‘’...oh.’’ Zalgo strode over and handed the tambourine to Alice. She looked at it for a moment, then shook it halfheartedly. He grinned and clasped his hands together.

‘’Perfect!’’ 

Jason sighed quietly and climbed up off the couch. He dusted his hands off and glanced at Nat and Jane. ‘’You guys hungry?’’ he asked. Zalgo shot him a look.

‘’Wait what happened to practice?’’ he whined. Jason rolled his eyes and walked over to the door.

‘’You already showed off your guitar, Zalgy. And I’m hungry.’’ Jason muttered. ‘’And I’m sure the girls are starving too.’’ he turned and looked at his boyfriend. He knew Zalgo couldn’t say no to him, not when he pulled out that nickname. He eventually sighed.

‘’Fiiiiine.’’

[machihunnicutt]

Small Hot Chocolate, No Whip (Chapter 5)

(Or read on ao3.)

Chapter 5: Connor

When Connor was little and things weren't so hard he went on a family trip to Kings Island. His dad bought him and Zoe orange sherbet push up popsicles and his mom took them on the carousel. Zoe convinced him to go on the roller coaster with her even though he was scared and got nauseous easily. It didn't end well. He threw up the second he was off the ride and later fainted out of a combination of fear and the heat. On the ride home he curled up in the seat beside Zoe and asked her about what had happened. He was still woozy and the events of the day blurred.

"I'll tell you if you want but I think you'd rather not know," she had said. She said something similar the night after his fight with Evan.

He had a raging headache and his mouth tasted like dirt but he wanted to know.

"He brought you home dummy. He went and found you and brought your drunk ass home," she said. "That's not his job you know?"

"I know it isn't," he said, putting his aching head in his hands. "I've really fucked myself over haven't I? There's no way I have a chance now."

"Did you hear what I said doofus? Evan Hansen tracked you down, got you in the car, and carried you to bed. I think he gives more than a passing shit."

"He carried me?" His face burned.

Zoe sighed and handed him the aspirin. "Look, from the look of it you two made up last night, but I think you should go do it again now that you're sober. And you can't do this okay? If you're having trouble you need to call me not get wasted and ghost on us."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I trust you. You can't go and betray that trust."

"I'm really sorry Zoe."

He avoided Evan for a few days out of embarrassment. According to Jared, Evan was on bedrest for the rest of the weekend and was only permitted to leave the house for his finals next week. Connor knew he hadn't been wrong. Sleep deprived and sick with anxiety, Evan's words were sharp and hurtful. Connor knew he didn't mean it, but standing in his kitchen, feeling totally at home and finally in control, they hit him like blows. For a moment the voice in his head that never failed to berate him turned into Evan.

When they saw each other again Connor blurted out an awkward apology and thrusted a hot chocolate in his hands. Evan, as per usual, was sweet and accepting and even invited him over.

"How were your finals?" Connor asked hesitantly. Connor's had gone fine for the most part.

"Really well actually," he said sheepishly. "I guess I was worried for nothing like always."

"Don't beat yourself up. Now you know to be more confident in yourself."

Evan nodded. "That's what Jared said."

Connor ducked his head and rubbed at his wrists. "I guess Jared hates me now."

"He'll come around," Evan said firmly. "He worries. That's all. I told him that the fight was my fault anyway."

The trip to Kings Island was one of the last times he felt like a normal kid in a normal family. Shortly after he began seeing himself as the family disappointment.

"It was my fault too. I shouldn't have kicked you out like that."

"It's in the past. Let's stop talking about it."

Connor liked the brisk way he said that, as if reciting from a book of rules he'd recently memorized. The next few weeks were better. School was winding down in preparation for the holiday break and Evan had more time to breathe and waste hours in the coffee shop.

"I'm serious bro, you've got to tell him today," Zoe said, counting the ones in the register. "You know him. He's going to want extra time to pack if he decides to come."

"He might say no," he replied, snapping the rubber band on his wrist. It was a better habit than scratching at his scars. "He could have plans."

Connor had his hair pulled up into a pollyanna. He thought it looked stupid until one day when Evan walked in and complimented him profusely.

"I'll do it today," Connor said.

It was one of those days where Evan came in after his morning class and sat there for hours, working on homework and sipping hot chocolate.  Connor decided to ask him when he brought him a refill.

"Hey Ev," he smiled. "How's it going?"

"Did you know the tallest tree is a redwood called Hyperion? It's 379.7 feet tall!"

"No I didn't," he said. "That's really cool. I brought you another hot chocolate."

"Thanks!"

Stop pining Murphy. Just spit it out.

"I um...you probably have plans but Zoe and I were wondering if you'd like to come home with us for the holidays? You can meet my parents and uh...I mean obviously you don't have to. It would be three days. It's a four hour drive so I understand if you..."

"Yes," Evan cut him off.

"What?" Connor said dumbly.

"My mom has to work over the holiday anyway. If I went home I'd just be alone."

That image made Connor sad for a moment. He'd heard all about the hard working and compassionate Heidi Hansen but the thought of Evan in his house all alone made his heart clench.

"You think they'll l-like me? I'm not great w-with new people."

"They'll love you. How could they not love you? You're only the sweetest person ever."

Evan blushed and when Connor comprehended his words he did too. He snapped the rubber band again. "Okay, I'll text you the details then. Thanks Evan."

You make everything better Evan.

"He's coming," he told Zoe.

"Yes! Is he excited? Did he seem like he was excited? He's so cute when he's excited."

"Shut up Zo."

***

"So I'm going to bring the sweater and my usual jacket but which pants should I bring?" Connor dug through his drawers nervously and Zoe rolled her eyes. "He knows what you look like doofus. It doesn't matter what you wear."

Connor's phone pinged and he checked the message:

EH: I'll see you soon! Can't wait. :)

He grabbed a bottle of iced coffee. It was his second of the morning.

"Quit drinking those. You're gonna crash when we get there and it'll just be me, Evan, and them."

He was nervous. Going home always made him nervous but this time was different. Going home with Evan meant letting him in to a part of himself he'd tried to bury.

Evan sat shotgun so Zoe could stretch out in the backseat. Connor put on his music: a strange conglomeration of Green Day, Nirvana, and classical piano. The last of which made Evan laugh when it came on.

"It's soothing!" He protested. "It's like your ambient music." When they ran out of his music they put on Zoe's (mostly pop songs with a good amount of classic rock, Spanish guitar music, and sappy love songs that reminded her of Alana.) Evan fell asleep beside him and he chugged another iced coffee before they pulled in the driveway.

He nudged him and Evan's eyelids fluttered adorably. "We're here."

"Is my hair messed up?" He asked. It was, a little, but Connor reached up and smoothed it instead of answering him.

"You look great," he said. "My parents are going to love you. You'll be the son they never had."

"Con..."

"I'm kidding. I'm fine. C'mon Zo we're here."

The house looked the same: yellow paint and wreath on the door. His mom welcomed them at the door.

"Mom this is Evan Hansen. Evan this is our mom."

"It's very nice to meet you Mrs. Murphy," Evan said politely, and Connor was proud of the way he kept his voice even.

"Please, call me Cynthia. It's a pleasure to have you Evan."

They shuffled in past the photos of him and Zoe that hung on the wall. They were mostly before his mental health started getting bad. It was as if life stopped just as he entered middle school. There were buck toothed group shots and dorky school photos nestled in neat frames.

"I hope you like roast chicken Evan," his mom said.

"You're making mashed potatoes right?" Zoe asked.

"Larry they're here!" Mom called.

Larry Murphy wiped his hands on a dish towel.

"Dad this is Evan Hansen," Zoe said. Larry extended his hand and shook Evan's.

"Nice to meet you Evan."

"Nice to m-meet you too sir," Evan said. Connor got the feeling he was better at meeting moms than dads.

"How about you take Evan up to where you'll be sleeping while Zoe sets the table?"

Zoe rolled her eyes. "I just got here and you're already putting me to work."

"Sure," Connor said. "It's right up here," he grabbed Evan's hand instinctively and saw Larry's eyebrows raise.

"My room's over here." He didn't let go as they climbed the stairs and entered Connor's old bedroom. He cringed at the teddy bear still stationed on his bed and My Chemical Romance posters on the wall. "I can sleep on the floor. You take the bed."

"N-no I can't s-sleep in your bed," Evan mumbled.

"I insist Hansen. Now can you braid hair?"

"B-braid?" Evan was pink again.

"Yeah, can you help me out?"

"I'll t-try."

Connor sat on the edge of his old bed and thought about all the times he'd cried in this room. He thought about the blood shed and obscenities screamed and boys daydreamed about in here. Evan's hands shook as he braided. "I like your room."

Connor laughed. "Thanks Hansen."

"Your parents seem nice."

"They're nice enough."

"M-my dad left when I was little. I don't really remember him."

"I'm sorry." He couldn't put together why someone would want to leave Evan.

"It's okay. I'm done." He secured the braid with a hair tie. "You were kind of emo weren't you?"

"Shut up."

They had roast chicken, mashed potatoes, and asparagus for dinner. Mom was planning something even more extravagant for Christmas dinner but the house was already uncomfortably suburban. The Christmas tree was decorated with red and green ornaments. There was a model manger on the mantel and the house was lined with lights.

"What are you studying Evan?"

"Environmental science," he said brightly. Across the table Zoe grinned at Connor.

"The sciences," Larry chimed in. "There's something useful, not like Connor's English degree."

Evan frowned. "I think English is plenty useful."

Cynthia smiled at him. "Of course."

"Oh please, his degree's about as useful as his ridiculous hair."

"Dad," Zoe warned. Connor's jaw was tight. Evan looked over at him with worry and after a moment put his hand on Connor's leg.

They strayed to Zoe for a moment and the conversation was alright. Zoe showed them a video Alana took of the concert. Mom and Dad didn't know Alana was Zoe's girlfriend. She'd made him promise not to tell.

The night started to wind down and Connor felt a vague buzzing in his fingertips.

"Hey Con, did you take your meds?"

"Oh shit, no I forgot." He got up from the table and Larry scoffed.

"Back in my day men solved their own problems. None of this chemical garbage."

Evan visibly tensed. Connor did to want to start a fight. For once he was too tired.

"Larry please," his mom began.

"With all due respect Mr. Murphy, medication is a very useful and in cases like my own a vital part of treatment for mental illness. That's what your son has. Illnesses need medicine," Evan said.

The silence hung. Evan turned white.  

"I like him," Cynthia said. "Evan honey would you like some more chicken? Connor go take your medicine so we can get to dessert."

After dinner Connor stalked to the back porch while Zoe showed Evan the rest of the house. No one was going to bother him so he lit a joint and took a long drag. He hadn't wanted to get high this weekend, not with Evan here, but the pot made the horrendous scene at dinner more bearable.

"Con? You okay?" He turned around to see Evan in the doorway. His brow furrowed. "Are you smoking?"

"Sorry," he said reflexively. "I only brought the one joint I promise."

Evan closed the door and came to stand beside him.

"You wanna try?"

"I'm fine."

"Thanks for what you did back there. I get tired of fighting with him. It feels pointless."

"You're okay right?"

"I'm fine. I just needed something to take the edge off."

"We have very different ways of relieving stress."

"Why, what do you do?" He looked over at him with a lopsided grin.  

"Cry, or garden."

Later that night Connor sat on his bed and thought about, with a squirming feeling, how much he liked Evan Hansen. You have it bad Murphy. You have it so bad. Evan was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and changing into his pajamas. Connor passed the time by painting his nails.

"Are you sure I shouldn't sleep on the floor? I really don't mind." Evan's PJs consisted of a blue and white baseball shirt and the shortest shorts. Connor nearly choked on air. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "And I want you to have the bed. I'm just not tired yet. Do you want to talk for a bit? I have a cool nightlight."

Evan nodded eagerly. When Connor still lived in the house of ghosts he went to bed with a blanket of fake stars. They shown above them squeezed into Connor's old twin bed. They spoke in gentle whispers that reminded Connor of sleepovers when he was very young and had friends to invite over.

"Is it usually like that?" Evan asked softly after a minute or two of pointless questions. (Evan's favorite color: blue, book: My Side of the Mountain, food: his mom's tacos, ice cream flavor: peanut butter.)

"Yeah...I mean it used to be a lot worse. I uh, I mean I know he cares. He's just set in his ways you know?"

"I know but it doesn't make it okay." Evan rolled over to face him. His face was so close. If Connor leaned forward an inch he could kiss him. God, how he wanted to kiss him.

Connor had known he was gay since about 5th grade. He got crushes on every boy in his class. He doodled his name attached to whichever boy captured his attention in notebooks. Connor Murphy was a not so secret romantic. He'd dreamed of kissing boys in this room, though it never happened. It wasn't going to happen tonight.

"I know it isn't okay. But that's family right?"

Evan nodded slowly. "I guess." He leaned forward so his head was resting on Connor's chest. Connor felt like he could fall asleep right there. But he didn't.

"I get it I guess. I mean...I can't solve my problems without my medication. I'm not like him. I'm not a real man."

"S-stop it with that t-toxic m-masculinity bullshit," Evan said firmly. It was funny to hear him stumble over a term like toxic masculinity.

"I'm trying," he said weakly. Sometimes it hit him all at once: how hard he'd been trying for so long, all the progress he'd made and yet the approval that constantly eluded him. It made all the work seem more exhausting. "I did a lot of bad shit Evan," he continued, voice cracking. "I wrecked my dad's car. I threatened to kill my sister. I stole shit.  I said terrible things. I...I don't know Evan sometimes the past seems like too much to get over. Sometimes," he whispered, ashamed of the words as soon as they came out. "I think it would've been better if I'd just died when I tried to."

Suddenly Evan's arms were around him. He pressed his head closer to Connor's chest and clung on tightly. "I think you're great Connor Murphy. I think you're great and I'm so lucky to be here with you. I'm so lucky. I never want you to leave Connor, not like that."

He sucked in a breath and was aware of his lungs and ribs and skin over his veins. He breathed in and thought about what it meant to be alive.

"I'm lucky," he replied. "I'm really the lucky one Hansen."

They were silent for a moment, and when Evan detached himself from Connor's chest Connor moved from the bed to the sleeping bag. As much as he wanted to fall asleep curled around Evan he knew it wasn't a good idea.

"Goodnight Hansen."

"Night Connor."

***

The next morning Connor asked his mother for permission to commandeer the kitchen for breakfast. Evan agreed to help him.

"Mom always wants us to make her fancy coffee now so I thought I'd take her up on it this time," he said. A good night's sleep had done him some good. He felt less like his brain was oozing out of his scalp.

"That's awfully nice of you," Evan said, looking bewildered at the sugar water Connor had put on the burner. "Can I help with anything?"

"You can grab me some ice," he replied, stirring the simple syrup and preparing another saucepan to steam some milk.

"What are you making?"

"I was thinking some lattes and iced mochas provided we have chocolate syrup. I'm also going to make eggs and toast so we're not all bouncing off the walls with caffeine overload."

"So you make breakfast a lot?"

"Zo and I switch off on the weekends. I like cooking."

Evan brought him the ice cube tray and he plugged in the blender. The caramel was done and he located the chocolate syrup in the cabinet. He turned off the coffee pot and poured a portion of the coffee into the blender with the ice. To this he added some cream, simple syrup, chocolate syrup, and vanilla extract. Evan watched him with interest.

"Can you crack some eggs in a bowl and see if we have any shredded cheese in the fridge please?"

Evan nodded vehemently and turned back to the fridge.

"Shit, sorry Evan I forgot my meds and I should probably take them before my dad gets up. Do you think you can grab the pill bottle from my bag upstairs?"

"Sure," Evan abandoned the eggs and darted down the hallway.

The house was quiet in the morning. Connor eyed the photos and magnets on the fridge. He remembered why it was so easy to get lonely here. In high school it had felt like no one really knew him, like if he died anyone could make up anything about the person he was and no one would question it. He imagined people would pick and choose the parts of Connor Murphy they wanted to remember. They'd piece together a puzzle with missing pieces: his mental illness, greasy hair, nasty attitude, sexuality. It wasn't until college that he felt truly known. God, how it helped to be known.

Evan came back and he thanked him as he swallowed his pills dry.

"Do you want me to show you how to do the cute latte designs?"

"Absolutely!" Connor had never seen someone who by all accounts didn't drink coffee get so excited about it.

"Alright." He poured the remaining hot coffee into his mom's nice round coffee cups and handed Evan a cup of steamed milk. "It's kind of tricky so don't be upset if it doesn't work out okay? Now you've gotta pour from one side to the other and shake the cup of milk as you go to get the pattern. Go slowly okay?"

"Okay," Evan said, face scrunched up in concentration. He followed his instructions to make a shaky flower.

"Great job Evan. You're a natural."

"Now you do one."

Connor took his own milk and carefully crafted a foam heart over the top of the coffee. He glanced over at Evan, who was a lovely shade of rose. "I'd say one was for you but you don't drink coffee." Smooth Murphy.

"Th-thanks anyway."

"No problem. You wanna put whipped cream on the mochas while I do the eggs?"

"S-sure."

Breakfast went swimmingly. Mom loved the lattes and Dad was a sucker for unnecessarily sweet caffeinated beverages.

Mom had planned a baked ham, roasted squash and zucchini, fresh baked bread, and a pumpkin pie for Christmas dinner. She was busy in the kitchen all day while Larry was in emergency conference calls for work.  Zoe had plans to visit some of her high school friends, and because Connor didn't have any of those, it was just him and Evan.

"It's funny, they say the holidays is for spending time with your family and all that and yet it's just us."

Evan laughed. He'd convinced him to drink half of a mocha and Evan was running on a caffeine high. Connor thought about what would've happened if he'd tried the weed and grinned.

"We could watch some movies? I bet all the dumb Christmas ones are on TV."

"Don't lie. You know you love all the sappy Christmas crap," Evan giggled. He actually giggled like a dork.

"Fine, fine okay let's watch Love Actually."

Evan was sitting close, socked feet tucked beside him. Partway through the movie he leaned his head on Connor's shoulder. By the end of the movie Evan was asleep and leaning heavily on him. Connor was trying very hard to maintain his chill.

"Connor honey do you know what time your sister is...oh," his mom came into the living room and smiled softly. "He's a very sweet boy," she whispered.

"Yeah mom."

"Are you two...?"

"We're friends mom, just friends," he said, face heating up. His mom knew he was gay. His dad didn't.

"But do you...?"

"Yeah," he interrupted. "I...yeah."

She smiled again. "He's really very sweet."

Evan complimented his mom's dinner and Zoe told stories about high school that didn't make him look like such a loser. Larry was bearable and Connor felt more at home than he'd ever felt.

After dinner he snuck out back, pulling Evan along with him. It was snowing and he felt the cold in his fingertips. The cold burned his lungs. "My mom loves you you know?" He said breathlessly. "She thinks you're great."

"I am great," Evan said uncharacteristically. Connor cackled.  

"Yeah, yeah you are. Hey can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Do you have a crush on my sister?" He asked.

Evan looked down. Suddenly Connor felt so hot he didn't mind the snow.

"I used to," he muttered. "Um...now I don't. Now she's just a good friend."

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better. It's okay."

"I'm not lying. I like someone else now."

Don't cry Murphy. He'll feel bad if you cry and that's not fair.

"Oh, okay."

At least he knew. It was better to know.

***

It was New Year's Eve. It was New Year's Eve and Evan's roommate was throwing a party. Zoe was invited and Evan had talked Jared into inviting him too.

He let Zoe pick out his clothes and do his hair. She even gave him a little eyeliner because it looked badass (her words not his.) They brought a bottle of champagne and Jared warmed up to him quickly.

"Hey Ev." Connor found him quickly. He was standing in a corner by himself holding a drink. He looked nervous. Connor wanted to kiss him.

"You made it!" He sounded too loud in the crowded room. He swayed on his feet.

"Yeah I did. Are you drunk?"

"A little! Jared said I should relax more."

"Good," he said. "Good, he's right."

"Do you wanna drink?!"

"I'm not drinking tonight, but I'll take a soda if you have one."

"Yeah!" He grabbed his hand and  pulled him into the kitchen. His hand was kind of sweaty but Connor didn't mind.

"Do you know anyone else here?"

"They're mostly Jared's D&D and trivia friends," he said in a loud stage whisper.

"Ah, so it's a nerd party?"

"Shut up!" He hit him on the chest playfully. Connor reached for his arm to steady him.

"You're such a dork I bet you only had one drink."

"Shut up," he repeated, slinging his arms around Connor's neck and pulling him down for an awkward hug that brought their faces too close together.

"You're doing a good job at relaxing huh Ev?"

"What time is it?"

"11:45."

"Let's go outside!"

"It's freezing dork."

"C'mon!" Evan's eyes were shiny and his lips were very red.

"Sure, okay."

"It's been such a great year hasn't it? I met you this year Con. How great is that?"

"It's pretty great."

Evan's smile was wide and his nose was running from the cold.

"I think you're my favorite person," Evan said. "Well probably my mom too but you're definitely up there."

"What about this new crush of yours?" He said bitterly. He felt dumb. The first crush he'd had in years and he liked someone else. He was cute and drunk and liked someone else.

Evan giggled again. "Jared says I have a Murphy kink."

"I thought you didn't like Zoe anymore?" He folded his arms over his chest protectively.

"I don't."

"I don't get you. And anyway it's 11:56 we should go back."

"Con it's you."

"It's me what?"

"What time is it?"

"11:57."

Evan took a step closer. "I think you're great."

"You said that already."

"Shut up Murphy."

"Okay."

"You deserve so much."

"I don't know about that."

"You do."

"Evan," his voice cracked despite himself.

"What time is it?"

"11:59." Inside he could hear the party goers counting down.

"Connor I like you," he said.

Connor could feel his heart pounding.  "Like as a friend?"

"No, like in the gay way. Or more like the bi way cause I'm bi. What time is it?"

"It's midnight Hansen."

Evan Hansen kissed him. He tasted like beer and bubble gum. He kissed him for a long time and Connor kissed him back. He curled his arm around Evan's waist. It was midnight on New Year's Eve and he was kissing Evan Hansen. They drew back at the same time.

"I like you too," he said.

"Oh thank god," Evan replied. "Cause that would've been really bad."

"You look really cute."

"No you do."

"We should go inside. It's freezing."

"Okay, hey Con do you wanna go out sometime?"

"Yeah doofus we can do that. Let's go back inside before you freeze to death okay?"

"Okay."