#myyoungself FirstPost

[abhinayajaykaul-blog]

The Calculus

Today it would be painfull, very very indeed.... but letting go of it wont let it fade away... Things wont move... i mite forget over time... this is what a heart says... when u listen to a beautifull song which remind u of those moments which bring tears to ur eyes...writting for myself today, for the first time i must say.... closed eyes, abida parveen , damadam mast kalandar in my earphones n tears rolling down my eyes... that felling of lonliness... that awkwardness of who m i... that felling of being tiny in  front of that almighty god... whome i beg evrytime when a problem shows up... Showing to the world that i am a hard rock... the most difficult to crack... the wisest of allll.... whenever hurt...either lettin it go or that feeling of revenge.... but in the end that felling suppressed in my heart by that consiounsess that guides me that it could turn into a bad event... let go of it.. and same old life back....that typical annalytical self... analyzing everymoment not living it...dumping everything into that well of heart... changing constatly for someone, something or everyone just to be a part of this society... And now when i close my eyes listen to those song.. those moment pouring out that i could have enjoyd not analyzed... i could have done something..lived a life...where did all those years go... was it really required to be stuck ....  Lost.. Completely... Best for the world But nothing in front of my own eyes... i dont recognize who i am... for world i am a brand.. but for myself... i am not even me.. Need To Cry... Need to find... Wats Lost... That true child that was actually born to my parents.. not the one that this world knows...It would rain soon... i would Cry that day...how much i want to b honest to this world but i have to play tough or this world would tear me appart... My logical mind again calculated..even the day for me to cry...huh..this made me laugh... i guess it is my true self now...I am  The calculus..