#mystorywill

[akeemspeaks]

#MyStoryWill :meets South Africa . . While in South Africa, we encouraged the learners to share their story . . The message: Both the beauty and the challenges must be recognized when identifying growth. Both must be acknowledged when we discuss self awareness. Both must be accepted if one is to move on . . HerStory: A beautiful one. Written with power, and perseverance. Spoken with confidence and love . . You can hear Mama Africa in her. Close your eyes and you will see #herstory She is a leader She is beautiful She is strong She is brave And HerStory will be continued #breakthecycletour #akeemspeaks #blackgirlmagic #blackgirlsslay #blackgirlsrock #storytelling #southafrica #selflove #selfconfidence #unapologetic #blogger #capturethemoment #iHearyou

[akeemspeaks]

I knew you before I knew you, that's called destiny

AkeemSpeaks

[akeemspeaks]

Morning Thoughts. This is for you: You, . A sunflower . Sun kissed from the motherland . Your roots, are buried in rich soil . Black, Brown, Beautiful hue . If only you knew . The strength that resides in your blood . The water that fuels your soul . I see God in you . I see success in you . I see the pain and hear your cry . But I know what lies in you You, . A sunflower . Sunkissed from the motherland . The next time you question yourself . Take a look in the mirror . And remember where you came from . Your roots are buried in rich soil . Black, brown, beautiful hue #mystorywill #akeemspeaks #breakthecycletour #selflove #keepgoing #blackgirlmagic #blackboyjoy #mybrotherskeeper #mysisterskeeper #ATL #apachecafe #poetry #poet #poem #quick17 #blogger #photography (at Apache Cafe)

[akeemspeaks]

Her strength to keep going: Without her father, she finds it within herself to...

10:29 am

7/1/17

Peace,

As I reflect on this student’s story, I want to be very open with what’s to come next, and invite anyone who has experienced this pain, or this story, to connect with me. Shoot me a message and we will try to create a space for sharing and healing. 

One student lost her father, and he was her best friend. The trauma that impacts her, the lost, the pain, her struggle of feeling alone; it is a reoccurring theme that I continue to see and hear. It is not always easy to share your personal challenges out loud, it is not easy to put your pain into the universe, especially when you don’t know the people around you, and you just met them for the first time. I want to acknowledge that truth because it is important to understand the courage she displayed in telling her story. 

I will drop parts and pieces with hopes that it gives you an idea of how much her father not being there impacts her, but at the same time present to you her strength to keep going. 

For all of those who has ever had to lay a close one to rest, I ask you to moccassin with us. Her father was her heartbeat, her motivation, and her voice of reason. He worked several jobs, but still found time to be the best father figure he could be. That connection is priceless. During her years with him, she confided in him, he served as her outlet, her journal to say the least. 

When his day of rest came, she felt as though she lost her rock. Her shoulder to lean on wasn’t there and so she struggled with seeing herself move forward. Depression is heavy for anyone, and can make you feel as if you are the one carrying the weight. Fast forward, this is where her story shows her grit.

One day she realized that her forward progress wasn’t just about her. When I asked everyone, ‘why did you choose to come here, why did you choose to keep going, who are you doing this for?’ She, very proudly, with intent and power said, “I am here for my dad, I will keep going for my dad, that’s why”.

The entire classroom started to clap and snap for her. I looked around the room and each one of her peers were applauding her, and showing her love. Within a matter of 3 hours, we built community, we shared our stories, and we were finally, heard. 

Her will to keep going is inspiring, and I pray that it gives her what she needs to achieve success as a college student. I pray she heals even more throughout the journey, and I pray that her peers continue to show support. 

I don’t need anyone to give me permission to do what I do, because what needs to be done needs to be done and I refuse to wait. But with Gods permission and favor, I will be able to do just that. 

For reasons that matter to these young people, they chose to keep going. This is inspiring to me, this is another reason why I choose to keep going. Their fight is my fight, their struggle is my struggle, their story is my story. It’s an #ubuntu thing.

[akeemspeaks]

Break The Cycle Tour meets UDel, Rutgers-Camden, Bloomfield College

Peace,

A word to describe the last two weeks, amazing. After our return from South Africa, I was blessed with three opportunities to present #BreakTheCycleTour. Two out of the three were for college students, and the other one was for a group of high school students.

The TRio/Upward Bound classic program at the University of Delaware is where I worked with the high school students. While at Rutgers, I worked with the incoming freshman. The same goes for Bloomfield college. As I reflect, the many stories I’ve heard from this journey plays in my head. So many. I want to be able to share them all, and in due time, I hope to do so. All of their stories matter, and I am honored and privileged to have heard so many. 

The high school students at UDel had no idea what they were about to get into. I walked into the space with one of the directors. I scanned the room, students were talking, students were in small groups, students were majority of color, and none of them made eye contact with me. This was going to be fun. 

The college students who were working as mentors jumped right into supporting me with set up. They were great. After the instructions were given to the mentors, I felt comfortable getting started, and so I did. The poem brought silence to the room, everyone glued to my every movement. Maybe they wanted to hear what I was saying? Maybe they were just being respectful because a visitor was speaking? Maybe it was both? 

I shared my appreciation for them, as well as for the opportunity. As I went throughout the story I saw students engaged, their body language, the look on their faces, the gaze in their eyes, yeah, we were on one accord. The story is what helps set the tone, but the real work comes into play when the students are doing the story telling and talking.  

Students shared so much of their experiences. They not only shared their own, but we discussed the challenges that they believed were impacting their fellow peers and communities. I did this at Rutgers Camden and at Bloomfield and the stories were profound and inspiring. The college students were just as reluctant as the high school students were at first, too, but within time they began to pour their hearts out. 

I heard similar stories, themes, and accomplishments. Each student coming from a different background, but connected via their experiences. One student came to me afterwards, she was smiling. “She said to me, thank you, no one has ever told me that I matter”, and at the same time of her saying this the tears started flowing. I embraced her, held her, and in silence we stood there for a couple seconds. I shared some words with her, smiled, and gave her another hug. 

One student lost her father, and he was her best friend. The trauma that impacts her, the lost, the pain. Her struggle of feeling alone. But yet, they both chose to keep going. For reasons that matter to them, they chose to keep going. This is inspiring to me, this is another reason why I choose to keep going. Their fight is my fight, their struggle is my struggle, their story is my story. 

[akeemspeaks]

During our Leadership Journey to South Africa, we had the opportunity to support and participate in school activities. Flight-over $1200 . Hotel-over $3000 . Seeing the joy on so many beautiful faces- PRICELESS To learn more, visit the link in my bio. #breakthecycletour #akeemspeaks #mystorywill #Love #joy #dance #culture (at Soweto, Gauteng)

[akeemspeaks]

♥️🎥🤙🏾🇿🇦 I serve because someone told me I matter...I serve because who, who will tell them #breakthecycletour #mystorywill #akeemspeaks #blackgirlmagic #blackboyjoy #mybrotherskeeper #mbkalliance #mbkvillage #TeachTheBabies #becauseofthemwecan #love #godsplan #service (at South Africa)

[akeemspeaks]

Family Friends Love Identity Money Weight loss Depression Anxiety Focusing on grades The young leaders at Bloomfield College sharing the challenges their peers wrote. Creating a supportive space to be expressive. These young leaders are so strong, so brave and I applaud them for them for showing up. I thank them for not giving up! Their light is destined to shine. You've come too far to only make it this far #keepgoing #eoffamily #academicachievement #academicexcellence #blackexcellence #firstgencollegestudent #akeemspeaks #breakthecycletour #mystorywill #blackboyjoy #blackgirlmagic #classof2021 #buildingcommunity #TeachTheBabies Workout Now 🏋🏾‍♀️🏋🏾🔥🔥💯🤙🏾 (at Bloomfield College)

[akeemspeaks]

Day 1. Today was beautiful! Peaceful! And everything that should have been. Tomorrow, well, today! Because it is 1:34 am over here...We will begin to get down to business. Tomorrow our students will be leading and participating in a youth forum with other South African Learners. To hear about the topics and injustices we will touch on, follow #BreakTheCycleTour More to come! #SouthAfrica #Squad #akeemspeaks #mystorywill #blackgirlsrock #blackgirlmagic #iammbk #mbkalliance #mbkvillage #mysisterskeeper #mybrotherskeeper #becauseofthemwecan (at Johannesburg, Gauteng)

[akeemspeaks]

Freshman Love: When water runs dry

8:00 am

Peace,

About a week or two into my Freshman year of high school, brown sugar and I had started to fall off. I honestly could not tell you why. Even after she shared with me that she had a miscarriage, my interactions with her didn't change. I did not blame her, I did not point the finger at her, how can you blame someone in this situation who had nothing to do with what happened? That would have been insensitive and harsh. I was young, but I was always operating out of empathy.

Our daily talks became every other day. We were not seeing each other as much. I thought, because I was coming home later due to football practice, that maybe this was one of the problems. I would call, and call, but no answer. She called me whenever she wanted to talk. We never did revisit the conversation about the lost, and we never did go back to being that intimate. I can only assume, but hope that, that wasn't one of the reasons why we started to fall off.

My understanding of love at this point is/was, spending time with the person that you are with means a lot to them, and it meant a lot to me. Talking to that person on the phone means a lot to them, and it meant a lot to me. Physically making sure that that person felt comfortable, and felt loved, meant a lot to them and a lot to me. As long as I showed you loved, I didn't have to tell the world. Our business was our business. Our business staying our business, meant a lot to them, and it meant a lot to me. Calling a girl out of her name wasn't love. Hitting, and physically hurting a girl was not love. Cheating on your girl, was not love. Lying to your girl was not love. The biggest piece for me, was the showing love part. I wanted whoever I was with to know how I felt via actions, and words whenever I had the heart to share them.

When it really hit me that things had changed, I decided to just walk over to brown sugar's crib, hoping that we could talk. I remember the day like it was yesterday. She didn't live far from me. I remember I crossed the highway, the sun was out, summer was still in the air, and I was thinking about her. I was thinking about seeing her, and the conversation that we would have. It had been a minute since we talked or saw each other, so I had no idea how this would go, but I was excited.

When I got to her crib, I knocked on the door, her mom answered and said that she was not home. I said okay and began to turn around to walk back home. When I did, I looked up and saw her on a bike, riding alongside a boy who was also on a bike. We made eye contact, and slowly her bike began to slow down, still riding, with no intent to stop. Our eyes never left each other. I can still see the stillness of her face, she never made a gesture, just kept riding, with no intent to stop. I watched her ride off into the sunlight, no bullshyt. When she got far enough to be somewhat out of distance, she turned around and never looked back.

I stood there for a minute, staring in the direction in which she once was, where they once were. I stood there until they were out of sight. In my head, I was asking myself why? I was also confused, and wasn't sure what just happened. I put my head down and walked back home; slowly. When I got home, I put the mask on, and pretended that everything was okay. I didn't talk to anyone about it, I kept it to myself, trying to process it, trying to understand it, and hurting because another girlfriend had cheated on me.

Love isn't Lost. I know exactly where I put it at

Love,

Keem

[akeemspeaks]

Freshman Love: Kiss & Touch, Touch & Kiss

11:11 am

Peace,

The rest of the summer was going well, I was named a defensive starter for our football team, and I was selected as the main punt returner. The building between Brown sugar and I continued to grow. We were getting closer as time ticked, and it felt good. Very similar to my last relationship, I made it very clear during one of our conversations that I was not the one to force sexual activity or sexual conversations onto a relationship. She shared her appreciation, and thanked me for not being like the other guys.

Freshman year has now started, and I'm riding a wave. But before I get too far into it, let me share what happened prior to school starting. Brown sugar and I really started to get close. We began to kiss, and touch, and touch and kiss. Regular boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, right? Her lips were like marshmallows, and her skin felt like warm lotion when I held her. Cocoa butter floated off her skin to fill the airways. She was tender, and mixed with a little temper. The balance kept her mellow.

We never really did talk about when to have sex, our actions gave off the interpretation that if it ever got that far, that it would be okay. I assumed that anything we did, was because she was okay with it. And again, nothing I did, was ever forceful. To me, forceful means doing anything or acting very aggressively in response to someone who is opposed to/not okay with the situation at hand. The vibes between us were good. I would go spend time at her place, and she would come over mine. She would greet my grandma and say hey to my family. I was feeling who she was a person.

Love isn't Lost I know exactly where I put it at!!!,

Love,

Keem

[akeemspeaks]

Work in Progress 💙 . #Nomàsmask . The inner workings of revealing yourself is not the hard part, the hard part is assuming what people will think/say when they finally see you . Scared, because the pressure of judgement consumes your every thought. Valid, because society doesn’t make it any easier for you to unveil your truth . I was there too. I heard the voices before they were ever shared. I walked behind my shadow hoping that it was dark enough to hide me . I remember the first time the first time I looked into the mirror, and in between the lines...and asked, Akeem Lloyd who are you . I’ve been getting free ever since...tbc ... Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at . #BreakTheCycleTour #mystorywill #blackbloggers #blackboyjoy

[akeemspeaks]

“Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go.” -James Baldwin . When I look out into a sea of Kings, I see the future, I see my ancestors legacy, Martin’s voice, Malcolm’s transformation, Garvey’s pride, Baldwin’s consciousness, and Mandela’s grace . I see the legacy of Mansa Musa, King Shaka, and Akhenaten . They can never tell you who aren’t black boy. They can never tell you who you’re going to be black boy. They will never understand your royalty . Tried to strip away your crown, remove you from your throne, but the blood that runs through your veins is filled with enough Assata Shakur, Sojourna Truth and Harriet Tubman to move mountains. Know where you come from . Black boy, if I leave you with anything, allow me to remind you, that you are Beautiful, you are Strong, and you Brave. Always have, and Always will be . Thank you @theblackmancan for allowing me to pour into these young men. Thank you 📸 @twjemison for capturing the moment. Thank you bro. Marc and to all of the other Black Male Educators who continue to be a light for our young people. Seriously, thank you . Thank God for another blessing and another opportunity to walk in my purpose . #mystorywill #akeemspeaks #BreakTheCycleTour #Nomàsmask #blackmaleeducators #blackboyjoy #blackbloggers #ForTheCulture #blackboymagic #mybrotherskeeper #brotherhood #speaker (at William James College)

[akeemspeaks]

Hold On

Peace,

11:45 am 9/20/17

Last week I posted a picture of myself holding a yoga pose. I titled the thought, "hold on". The content that came behind it was very intentional to highlighting this idea of strength. I was speaking my own truth, but at the same time knowing that I am not the only person who has fought to "hold on" before. My fight, growing up a very emotional person wasn't easy. I was emotional but silent. Silent by my environment, that I adopted, that I internalized. Silent by choice, I embraced it, I embodied it and displayed it. When you are told to go against what you feel, your understanding on how to navigate those feelings become very hard, and many times the result of suppressing those feelings can lead to dark thoughts; emptiness. And so, as I battled adolescents, I did the only thing I knew, hold on. I developed this skill because I had to. When you have had suicidal thoughts, and questioned your reason to live, the moment your mind is not filled with darkness you ask remind yourself to hold. I developed this skill because I had to. When you're a mile away from the finish line and your legs feel like cement blocks...when your arms are stiff, your head is spinning and you're the lead runner for your team; the position you hold reminds you that the points you can produce are bigger than you. And so, I do what I have taught myself to do, hold on. Not for me, but for us. I developed this skill because I had to. When you're asked to leave your living arrangements, without a job to turn to, it's easy to question to why. But I didn't have time to question my situation. After two weeks of living in my car I sold it. I accepted a small down payment because I thought I could trust the person. One week later, the owner had vanished, with the car and the money they never paid me. Homeless. And so I did what I knew best, held on. My message is this, even in and through the ugliest of times, we have to find our reasons to hold on. When we challenged with difficult situations, we have to remember the why we should tighten our grips. Some people find it internally, some people find it externally, some people attach to it spiritually...whatever "it" is for you, do me a favor, grab it, and hold on. Love, Akeem 12:53 am

[akeemspeaks]

Thank you @trio.ru.camden for allowing me to serve as the Keynote Speaker, as well as for allowing me to facilitate our #BreakTheCycleTour workshop for your Student Leaders .. Being able to focus on identity building, self awareness, academic achievement and team oriented activities and discussions is a privilege I am extremely grateful to have led for you .. To the #TRiO cohort of 2017, Workout now! .. #akeemspeaks #mystorywill #blackexcellence #academicexcellence #collegebound #mybrotherskeeper #mysisterskeeper #blackgirlmagic #blackgirlsrock #blackboyjoy

[akeemspeaks]

#mystorywill She said "will encourage others to do what they have to try" .. Day 1: #BreakTheCycleTour with @trio.ru.camden #akeemspeaks