#mysme: safe places

[natasha-in-space]

Ive seen u posting about a couple of mysme dudes going to therapy. Im wondering how would it be for yoosung to go to therapy

Ah, I like to believe that that's something you and him will come to a mutual agreement with, sometime after the party is over. He'll spend his time recovering from his eye injury, and, although he is very proud of the man he has become for you in such a short amount of time, he knows that there are some deep-rooted issues he still has to fully resolve in order to fully find his footing in this world. I'd like to think that what motivates him to finally go through with seeking out therapy are the nightmares he'll find himself struggling with. The whole accident at Mint Eye happened so abruptly, and his brain has kind of blocked out the whole trauma of the event, so he didn't even consider the lasting consequences he might have to face.

Although therapy is never easy, I am confident that he will handle it surprisingly maturely. Yoosung's progress during his route is honestly very impressive, and he is fully open to processing his inner issues and working on his harmful habits one step at a time. He might struggle a bit with not progressing 'fast enough', though. His self-confidence is something he'll have to struggle with longterm.

Holding his hand and letting him know that you are proud of him is crucial. Letting him know that he's doing an amazing job. That it is perfectly normal to have bad days, bad weeks, hell, even a bad month. Seeking out therapy does not mean becoming happy all the time.

I actually think that seeking therapy will make him look back on his interactions with Rika in a more detailed and level-headed way. Accepting the fact that Rika might have struggled with things he had no knowledge about will be a challenge for him. As, it makes him feel guilty for not noticing it. But, he'll have to accept the fact that he cannot be responsible for other people's happiness. Despite this, it is disheartening for him to contemplate. But he has to work through these feelings in order to move forward.

I also think that he will have a long-term therapist. His job is one that, unfortunately, makes him deal with many discouraging situations and losses. Every happy and healthy puppy he successfully saves can be followed by an old and well-loved cat he has to put down. It's a difficult responsibility to handle. So, it will be beneficial for him to have a safe place where he can process these emotions in a healthy way.

[random-yandere-fandom]

Hello! I don't know if I can req characters from two different series so you can choose whichever you like, I want to req general headcanons of Vanderwood from MysMes/707 is fine too. Also headcanons on Sebastian w/reader that made a contract with him (like Ciel) only for having him do simple things (getting fav foods/clothes, anything reader wants to be spoiled until they die) cus the reader can be independent & smart in handling emergency/serious situation without counting him too much. Thx!

It's been a while since I last wrote for MysMes! I did play it again recently though, so I hope I'm up to the task!

Oh and requesting characters from different shows is totally fine!

I went with a different direction with Sebastian than normally because I felt like it, hope you enjoy~

General yandere Vanderwood headcanons

Type of Yandere: Vanderwood is aware of his feelings, almost scarily so, even if he might not openly share them. His entire identity has been made with mysteries and he is unable to share much personal information thanks to his job at the agency, though I doubt he would do so either way. As a protective yandere he would do anything to make sure to get you out of harms way and thanks to his self awareness he knows he should distance himself, too. It just is unnatural to feel so strongly, to be so desperate to be close to another person, he scares himself with the kind of thoughts that sometimes pop up in his mind. Yes, he has gotten his hands dirty before and he was by no means innocent or naive, but that had always been a part of his work, his personal views however had never been so out of control. All this causes him to distance himself from you, though he does check up on you from time to time to give his mind some rest. Should he find out that you were injured in his absence, that he was unable to protect you? He forces himself back into your life, small at first but sure to ensure your safety from now on.

Love language: Acts of service are a big thing for him. It’s simply calming to him to take care of you, clean your home, make sure you stay hydrated, bringing you blankets when you are cold (or his jacket if you prefer). He might grumble a bit while doing it, saying how he doesn’t want to baby you and that you are a grown adult even though you never asked him to do any of these things, but one small thank you and maybe even a smile if you will should be enough to change his demeanor. You can’t help but notice the content grin that graces his face as he dusts down one of your shelves, you having been seated on the nearby couch and told to rest by the overbearing but somehow cute agent.

Their biggest fear: It isn’t uncommon for Vanderwood to wake up from a nightmare before checking up on you, that you are still there, healthy and happy as you can be. In his dreams he had often seen your death, the agency coming after you because he made some mistake, some slip-up, that made them decide that he deserved some kind of punishment. It always ended the same, you dying right in front of him, whether it be from poison, a knife to the throat or a clean shot. Vanderwood was always unable to reach you in time, mouth refusing to open and warn you, legs refusing to carry him to your side. Helplessness and guilt, in the end he was the one that got you killed, always left him close to tears upon waking up.

Kidnapping: He’d rather not. He is already putting you in enough danger as is and the thought of forcing you out of your home and confining you to an unfamiliar place leaves him guilt ridden for only imagining such a thing. That is not to say that he doesn’t have a safe house somewhere hidden away, though the chance of him using it is slim. Should it ever get so far that he needs to leave to protect you he will do so, if, however, you are in danger yourself, he might move you away by force, his heart heavy that he needs to result to this.

How easy is it to escape?: You might not even be aware of the cameras watching you, blissfully ignorant of the stalker Vanderwood has become. Only later on, when you have already become attached to the agent, will you come to realize that something is off. All you know is that he has a job at a secretive agency and while that might have excused some of his behaviour, you can’t always keep your eyes closed to the truth. Should you then try to get away, scared and unsure of who to trust, I can assure you that Vanderwood is with you in no time. You might start packing or you might leave with barely anything on you, but there is just not enough time before he returns and catches you, conflicted in what to do next. If, say, you had already been moved to the safe house, escape is highly unlikely. The house has locks seemingly everywhere and is in the middle of nowhere, there is just no opportunity to leave.

Punishments: The one in the wrong is without a single shred of doubt Vanderwood, and he is painfully aware of that. The only way this topic would ever come up is if he had to kidnap you and you keep being difficult. Of course he hadn’t anticipated anything else but he only wants to see you safe and might get frustrated over time, no matter how patient he tries to be. Arguing might have been heard from outside if there was anyone near, his voice slowly rising the longer this goes on. He will be on total defense, arms crossed as he tries to explain his reasoning and annoyance slowly building up. He doesn’t want to show it but your words hurt him and sooner than later he will snap, shouting that he is only doing what is best for you and that he won’t stop protecting you before angrily leaving the room. 

Difference to other yanderes: Guilt and shame are common emotions for him. He knew from the beginning, since he started working as an agent, that loving someone is the most selfish thing he can do. Yet, here he is, head over heels for you and ready to abandon everything to be with you. What really differentiates him from others though is that you won’t have any luck with manipulating him with those feelings. Vanderwood already keeps himself in check as much as possible and doing it further just doesn’t work. While it might keep rules lax and you might life a comfortable life should you accept the circumstances, there are things he just won’t budge on, for your safety.

Sebastian with a darling acting independently, despite their contract

With the way his summoning went, because he only ever responds to the desperate call for blood and power, he certainly wasn’t expecting such behaviour. Sebastian remembers all too well the contents of your contract, not at all distant to what his last arrangement had been and with how confidently you had announced your wishes he was sure you were striving for more, human greed being no stranger to you. Certainly, he was bound to you until you’d die of old age and a lot could be done in that time, especially with the demon by your side. As such, his surprise when you seemed to have no further aspirations, no plans to dominate some part of life, was understandably huge.

Of course you gave out regular orders and thanks to his efforts you were now living in what you described as your dream house, clothes and jewelry all being handed to you as you pleased as you only received the best of the best. You also requested of him to cook, his abilities in the area superb as always as he provided you with everything you asked of. The strange thing however, was, that this was it. You let yourself get spoiled, you showed off your your riches when you felt like it, but nothing further.

Sebastian was used to greed, humans exceling in the art of selfishness, but you just stopped. Your hunger filled, no temptations leading you to leaving everything up to your demon, no aspirations to become greater, to want more than what you had. It was strange to know you were content, his power laid to your fingertips and all you needed was to call and yet!- yet you handled every situation with grace, calmly thinking over the options and always seeming to choose the best one. The guy that wouldn’t leave you alone (which made his blood boil, but he wouldn’t dare act until you said so) seemingly disappaered from you life the moment you talked to him for five minutes. The reaper you convinced to leave you two alone, that the contract was legitimate and that Sebastian would pose no problem to them, was another example. Or what about the time you had coordinated an escape for everyone from a burning building, despite the danger to your own life (not that he would ever let something like that happen)?

It was this duality that made him fall for you, that turned his playful flirting into serious attempts to court you. It had taken him some time to notice and especially to accept his own feelings but once done another problem arouse. Not only were you mortal, but you were doomed to die by his hands. Sure, your death itself would be a natural one as had been said, but what could be considered more of a passing than the devoured soul which would rest and dissolve in the pits of his being?

Luckily, you were more than willing to give him free time. Once all your needs were taken care of he could do what he wanted and while he would normally either spend his time with cats or beside you, he now found himself with a new task. He’d find a way to bind you to him, to have your lives intertwined so no one could separate them ever again, not even a death scythe would be able to bring the tow of you apart. You are kind enough not to question his dissappearnces as long as he returned upon your call, believing him to deserve his privacy as you do yours. Sebastian feels conflicted, though. On one hand, he is thankful as he is able to go about his business without your interference or even you ordering to stop, to leave it be, to fulfill the contract and let you take your last breath as he can only watch and cling to your body, cold and empty. On the other hand, and he has the mind to feel embarrassed about this, he wished you’d take an interest, that you’d be as worried about what he does when he is gone as he does for you. That you’d hope for him to return soon and stay a bit longer beside you this time.

In the mean time though, he’ll have to be happy about what he can get and he tells himself that it is also time needed to get accustomed to this feeling. Sebastian had always been the one in control, had always been the one manipulating his masters and holding a sense of superiority above them, no matter how they thought to tie him down like the faithful servant he pretended to be. In the end, he had always been the one with power, the one that actively decided to follow the bids of the other party in favor of gaining something to feast on. Now though, he found himself slipping. Sebastian loves spoiling you, surprising you with ever new creations of dishes just to hear your praise, lingering around you just a bit longer, standing beside you just a bit closer than normal. He showers you in compliments you accept with a smile that would make his cheeks flush if only he were human. He would tear countries apart, kill gods young and old alike if you wished so and yet, so frustratingly, you don’t ask for any of that. And so he has to show his emotions in other ways that are not the ones his kind normally uses and if he is honest to himself, he’d prefer if you would fall for him naturally. It is the first time he has given this type of control over him to anyone and for some reason he finds himself not minding it as much as it should.

Whether you acknowledge his devotion or not is up to you, though you are bound to notice that his desire to serve you is much more than as was written in the contract. Sebastian doesn’t really make a secret out of it either, the most in that direction being calling his jealousy intuition, the other person surely not good enough for your exquisite taste. Even if you decide to ignore him and his overbearing need to, well, you can’t really claim it as anything else other than this, no matter how subtle he may be over this certain aspect, be owned by you, to be the one and only demon that serves you and get you to admit exactly that. Though he has no right to ask more of you, to ask you to depend more on him he still does. In his mind, you will only be his master for so long before you finally stand on equal footing, at least for a bit before he once again takes over. You will be his, then, bound to him for all of eternity as he has planned all this time.

[curiousdelights]

Safe Places

Pairing: ZEN / Hyun Ryu x MC (Yejin Jung)

Plot: Evening talks and cuddling. Thoughts are shared and reassurances are given. Love is ever-present. Pure fluff. Enjoy their conversation. 💕

Song rec: Jessica Jung - “Starry Night”

Super late entry for @lovelyzenweek lol I hope it’s okay Day 06: Late nights / Stars

A/N: I hope it’s not a bother to use a name for MC. That’s legit the name I used when I played ZEN’s route, haha. 💕

The sound of keys fumbling with each other against the door lock resounded through the hallway. Metal against metal had never sounded more inviting like tonight, and Yejin knew why.

Hyun had been working more and later than usual these days. It surely was a blessing that he had been cast in a two-month long production of a new musical, yet it did pose problems with regards to their time together. Of course, Yejin couldn’t complain. Hyun had been extremely excited about this lead role: a young man who traveled the country in search for his lost love, slowly documenting to himself the lives in the places he had gone to. He found the role interesting and challenging in the sense that the lead must experience the changing emotions of man, the rage, the heartbreak, and the ultimate acceptance of loss.

It was truly a good musical. Yejin had been there for the first showing—VIP seats at that, too—and brought flowers for Hyun as congratulations and treating him to a very nice meal afterwards. She was proud of him and still is. However, even she herself had work to tend to and thus couldn’t accompany her love for every show, no matter how much Hyun would persuade her. She didn’t mind going, but she would remind him teasingly that he wasn’t the only one making a living. That, and Yejin knew she would have an overdose of the musical itself. She liked theater enough but to see the same show every week could prove taxing. She promised herself, however, that she would be there for the final night.

Due to the busy weeks on Hyun’s side, he tended to come home late from rehearsals and full shows. Yejin would be asleep and Hyun never wanted to wake her, but for a few times she caught him sometimes pressing kisses on her cheeks and shoulders.

She missed more of that.

So for this night that she’s hearing the door opening, her surprise was growing pleasant. Was Hyun really home early?

Yejin had just finished cleaning up the kitchen after her dinner and had to peek through towards the entranceway to see.

“… Hyun?” She called out, but she wasn’t so sure if it was loud enough.

And surely, there he was! Decked out still in a light grey coat and black outfit (he loved that simple style, by the way), Hyun was in the progress of removing his shoes when his head shot up at the sound of his dearest’s voice. He knew Yejin to be louder than usual, but when she spoke in that soft tone, he might as well just melt right then and there.

With a wave of his hand, a wide grin, and a wink, he finally greeted her. “Honey, I’m home.”

Yejin snickered. “Let me guess: you always wanted to try saying that?”

“Okay, you got me there. So?” He held out his arms wide open. “Welcome home kiss and hug?”

“What a cheeseball.” She told herself, but despite that, she knew she was weak when it came to such invitations. Yejin shook her head and walked down to the entranceway, bursting into a jog when she neared Hyun to jump into the embrace and savor the warmth he emanated when his arms rounded her body.

“I missed this.” She told him as she turned her head up to look at him and plant a big one on Hyun’s lips.

He laughed through the contact, squeezing the other tighter in his hold and teasing her as he moved his lips to kiss more of her face then down to her neck where he knew it tickled her. Her giggles were melodies to his ears.

“What do you mean you missed this? I kiss you all the time and everything!”

“I meant I missed it when we’re both awake. I feel bad enough that you have to catch me asleep most of the time.”

“Well we still wake up to each other, right?” His eyes gleamed with a hint of mischief and his arms pulled her a little closer towards him. “Do you want to wake up in our more intimate way? I can do that often if you want, you know.”

“So can I.”

He instigated the teasing but he ended up becoming flustered himself at her knowing look. How could he forget that he also fell in love with her boldness like that? Yejin never showed it much in front of the others. It was only for Hyun and he preferred it that way.

“Hey, hey. Don’t tease me too much. The night’s still young but I can make it last longer than—“

Yejin cut him off with a laugh and finally pulled herself off from the embrace. “I know. But we can wait, right? I just ate a pretty heavy meal tonight since I skipped lunch earlier.”

“And why’d you do that?” He asked, his voice almost stern. He pulled his coat off and hung it on the rack. “You know I hate it when you skip meals.”

“Yeah, but I had to finish off a lot of work for the week. I don’t want to go back on Tuesday with leftover projects.” She explained. “How about you? Did you have dinner?”

“Mhm. We had an early meal this time with the cast. Do we still have any beer?”

“The fridge never runs out of it.” Yejin turned to him before entering the kitchen again. “I’ll bring you a can. Go and rest first.”

“Thanks, babe—hm?” Hyun looked towards the couch. It was truly inviting to sit back down and turn on the television, but he wasn’t exactly in the mood to just laze around like that, especially now that he and Yejin finally found some time together.

He chuckled then called out. Maybe a good moment at a good place would be a better choice.

“Babe, I’ll see you at the rooftop.”

She wasn’t sure if she heard him right, but once Yejin got back to the living room and found it empty, she just shook her head and smiled.

“Guess I’ll need a couple more cans.”

Yejin made her way up towards the rooftop. Since summer was nearing the end of its reign, her choice of a light sweater proved to be helpful. She opened the heavy, gray door to be greeted by a nice breeze and the view of her love leaning casually against the concrete edge of the place.

Always and always, he took her breath away even without doing anything. His figure against the dark night sky and the soft yellow lights of the roof’s lamps gave him an almost ethereal look.

It took her a while to regain her senses from that.

Hearing the hinges creaking stirred the actor up, and he turned to see Yejin with the beers in hand. His guilt on making her carry all that rose up fast and he almost ran towards her to take the beverages himself.

“Sorry, babe!” He laughed, almost a bit nervously, and kissed her forehead to make up for it. “I thought you were only gonna bring one.”

Yejin simply scrunched he face up at him in a funny way, making sure he doesn’t even blame himself for the smallest of things. Hyun really liked treating her like a princess after all but she sometimes had to remind him that even the prince himself is allowed to relax.

“I decided to drink, too.” She said as they made their way to the corner of the area, taking their seat on the bench available. “And since we’re up here, I know one serving won’t be enough for either of us.”

“You know the best as always. C’mere.” Hyun pulled Yejin close to him, lifting her legs up to drape them over his lap. That was their position there all the time and it hardly changed unless truly necessary.

He opened a can for her first then one for himself, motioning for a toast.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers indeed.” She watched Hyun as he gulped down a quarter of the contents. His eyes seemed to have trouble looking at her directly now and it made her worry. The very fact that he wanted to be up at the rooftop already made her think, anyway.

“Hyun?”

“Yeah?”

“Look at me. What’s wrong?” Yejin already lifted her hand to touch Zen’s face but he followed her request soon afterwards anyway, realizing that he couldn’t really hide much from her. He was too expressive.

He still tried, though.

“It’s nothing.”

“Is something wrong at work?”

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong with that!”

She was almost pouting and whatever mood Hyun was in, he couldn’t ignore how cute she looked that way. He laughed a little but her concern only grew worse.

Finally, Hyun gave a nod towards her, a signal that he was going to talk now.

“I was just thinking about how much I must have neglected you these past days.”

That caught her off-guard and she turned confused. “What?”

He gave her a cheeky grin. “Someone at work sort of had that problem. It ate at him so much that I had to tell him to get a grip… in the nicest way possible, that is. He was still feeling pretty messed up but his act was coming in next. We couldn’t afford to let the audience see that. The director would’ve also been pissed.”

“What happened to him?”

“Well. His girlfriend actually broke up with him at the theater because he focused too much on work. You know how those stories go.”

Yejin nodded. She did hear about those things, more so than ever when she got familiar with Hyun’s industry.

She decided to be frank with him to clear the air fast. It was easy to see there was something running through his mind and God knows the reason why they had the alcohol was to ease up, too.

“Did you think that was going to happen to us?”

Yejin actually felt him stop all movement and his stare at her could have gone past what he could see.

“It’s not that…” He was trailing off almost unconsciously but he tried to explain his thoughts the best he could after another helping of beer.

Hyun sighed. “I’m not thinking of that but it did shake me a little, I guess. The way that guy was affected got to me but I have faith in you, Yejin. I remembered that and calmed myself down.”

She nodded. “I’m glad you didn’t doubt it.”

“I’d never! That’s why I don’t want you to feel bad about all my time away.”

“We actually already fought about that one time.”

“Yes. Yes, we did. It was silly, wasn’t it?”

The memory made the two of them laugh, surprising themselves at how easy they flipped the atmosphere with it. They didn’t meet halfway earlier on in the relationship. Hyun had gotten more roles since his rise to fame and had grown fond of each opportunity he was given. It meant more work on his side while Yejin focused on her own, but she had more free time compared to the other. He proved how much of a workaholic he was. Despite his knowledge about women, his lack of a relationship for a time prior to meeting his fated coordinator was a factor in the resulting fight. Hyun expected to be understood with his work and Yejin simply wanted a little more attention.

“How did we resolve that?” He asked as he put his arm around Yejin’s waist, pulling her closer to him to be able to give a small kiss on her cheek. She smelled of soft jasmine and he loved it. He could drown in that scent forever.

“Mm.” Yejin thought for a while, swirling the can in her hand. She looked at Hyun. “We went up here.”

There was a nod. “Right. It seems like everything happening to us goes back to the rooftop. We… shouted a little back then, huh?”

“Yeah, but we made up fast, I remember.” She said. “I didn’t want to fight in the first place.”

“Neither did I.” He put his now-empty can beside him and breathed deeply. “I shouldn’t be thinking of negative stuff when I have you beside me.”

“That’s okay. That’s why we talk and why we go up here.” She offered him a smile, ultimately to calm him down from the thoughts.

“You’re right.” Hyun smiled back at her before looking up at the sky. It was a beautiful and clear night without a speck of a cloud in sight. “Even the stars are witnesses to our relationship now. I’m sure we’re getting better at this. The god of fate is helping.”

She followed his gaze. “You mean the god you wanted to punch?”

“No. Not anymore. I said I’ll apologize to that god ‘cause he made us meet, right?”

Yejin laughed. “You remember that.”

“I remember a lot of things when we first met.” He told her. “I have no intentions of forgetting them.”

“Same here.” She replied as she slowly shifted her position on the bench to move closer and be able to rest her head on Hyun’s shoulder. “I really liked it when you showed me this place when I first came here.”

“I trusted you enough to show you one of my safe places.” He noticed that Yejin started playing around with his ponytail, his strands of silver hair dancing between her delicate fingers. It was cute. “I wanted to share it with you.”

“Thank you. I love it.”

“So do I.” He opened his other can and started to drink again while it was still cold. “You’re happy here, right?”

Yejin nodded. “Of course.”

“And you’re happy with me, right?”

“Yes. I love you.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that. Yejin just blurted it out so easily and lovingly and he adored it every single time she did it. He moved to turn to her then, holding her face in his hands to plant a ton of kisses all over. “I love you just as much, and more.”

“Is that a challenge?” She teased, reciprocating his actions until they were sharing a mess of beer-laced kisses. “I’m so up for it.”

“Are you also up for my offer earlier?” His brow rose up flirtily. “About making the night last long for you and me?”

“Don’t you have rehearsals to do tomorrow, mister? I don’t think getting you exhausted tonight will help.”

“Oh? Didn’t I tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Hyun winked at her. “That I’ve got tomorrow off and until Monday afternoon. I was thinking of spending all that time with a certain special someone.”

She grinned. “Do you think that certain special someone is looking forward to it?”

“I hope she is. I’ve got a lot planned starting tonight.”

Yejin drank the rest of the contents of her can. “She’ll probably need a few more of these then.”

“Okay, you must be picking that habit up from me. Come on.” He laughed and carried her up in his arms, appreciating how she automatically held on to him. The squeal she made upon being lifted only made him all the more excited, too.

Suffice to say, that night definitely made up for the missed affections.

So there it is! I hope you guys liked and enjoyed it.

Tell me what you think lol I wanna know if it was okay. 💕

[marshmallowprotection]

Btw on the topic of mysmes fandom being 'dead'... As an oldy myself, am I the only one that kinda likes it better this way? Sure, there was more content before, but with it came a lot of controversies and toxic people in general (*cough* the whole Rika hate train *cough*). I feel like our fandom is such a cozy and safe space right now! Everyone supports one another and healthy discussions are a common thing. Compared to bigger fandoms, this one feels like a little safe heaven! Sure, there are cons to being in the relatively small fandom, but there are pros too. And just like you said, there is so much content being created every single day! Our fandom is so damn creative and I adore it 💕

There are benefits to a big fandom vs. a small fandom. There are hit-and-miss concepts for both options here. Neither is better than the other. You get what you get when you make your experience, and it comes down to interacting with what you want and avoiding all of the things that you don't.

You've got people that would love for things to be popular so there are all kinds of content rolling around the place, and then there's the strong awareness that with popularity comes a lot of discourse and nonsense that can be super hard to avoid even if you use the handy dandy block button.

You've got people who prefer a quiet space that feels safe and almost as if you know everybody who posts and creates content for the very many things you love in that fandom! Yet, that comes with the reality that there's a strong chance that content will roll out slowly over time instead of a state of non-stop pinging.

I've been here when it's been flooded with all sorts of things over the years. Some of it bad, some of it good, and some of it somewhere in the middle. it's always been like that. I feel comfortable right now as it is but I'm always happy to see new creators and old alike join us to keep making our space safe and happy. I feel like a lot of the worst of the discourse died down and now it's not as overwhelming.

We are simply enjoying Mystic Messenger here these days. It's nice to be here! I say just try to enjoy what we have in this fandom and do what you love if you want this place to stay "alive". Don't call it dead if you want to see it flourish. Support creators in any way you can and spread the love you want to see.

[rfadaydreaming]

hands of the rfa (v+saeran)

jumin’s are on the broader side. you can usually spot a couple of cat scratches or paper cuts here and there, not particularly soft, but not rough either. he’s almost always holding tension in them, so they get pretty veiny. subconsciously flexes them out of habit, or rubs his palms to get rid of the ache that can sometimes grow there. your favorite thing is watching him pet elizabeth, he’s so gentle and soft with her that it melts your heart. he carries that same softness whenever he touches you, one of the only times his hands fully relax is when he’s running them up and down your arms, maybe even holding your face in his palm. he likes to rest his hand on your thigh or run his fingers through your hand idly while doing paperwork. his hands are cold most of the time, not icy, but the chill is still noticeable. he has steady hands and a good grip. he likes to wear rings whenever he gets the chance, gothic style ones especially. when the vampire that he invited had come to the rfa party, jumin was obsessed with all his fancy rings. he usually has his hands crossed over his lap, and he doesn’t talk with them often. a wave of the hand to employees is most all you’ll get.

zen has soft soft soft hands. spends a lot of money on lotions and salves, so when he touches you it feels like genuine silk. not super lanky, but not broad either. they're just… very even and pretty. has a very tiny dusting of blood freckles on his knuckles, but you’d have to look closely to notice them. probably hand models in his free time. fluid motions whenever he uses them, it’s nice to watch the way his hands move especially while he’s acting. he holds a lot of passion in his hands while he preforms, it’s like they tell a story of their own. you like to hold your palm against his, twirling and twisting your hands around at random. he loves to run the backs of his knuckles down your jawline before placing down gentle kisses there, while telling you how much he loves you. he wears jewellery whenever he’s feeling it, likes a lot of different kinds too, wears fashion rings most of the time. his hands are on the warmer side, so if you’re cold all you need to do is hold his hands for a few minutes and then bam, you’re all nice and cozy again. his hands are usually in his pocket, playing around with a pack of cigarettes, or resting at his side.

yoosung’s hands aren’t particularly soft, but they aren’t exactly rough either. on the shorter side compared to everyone else too. his touch is still so gentle and comforting, especially whenever it comes to you. he holds your hand tight and tells you how much you mean to him, it feels safe and secure, he feels like home. his hands are insanely hot all the time, even when it’s cold outside, so he’s like your own personal little heater. has a barely visible coat of freckles over his knuckles and a few scars here and there, faded now but still noticeable. most of them are from cooking accidents, some from cats. he likes to run his fingers through your hair, or up and down your arms. in the middle waiting on game lobbies he’ll hold your hand, running his thumb across your skin with a smile. you like to watch as he plays video games sometimes, his hands get so tense during tough matches, so you help him massage out the tension when he’s done. he gets horrible shaky hands whenever he gets really nervous. doesn’t wear rings or anything, doesn’t like the way they feel, but he does like bracelets. has a matching bracelet with you that he wears pretty much all the time. he talks with his hands a lot, but when he’s idle, they're shyly tucked away in his pocket, fiddling with his thumbs in front of him, or crossed over his chest.

jaehee’s are soft, she uses a lot of hand sanitizer so there’s almost always some lotion at her side, her hands are silky and smooth because of that. not as much as zen’s, but still close. she gets a lot of papercuts is the only thing, but besides that her hands are overall smooth, shorter nails, she has a nail biting problem, and she’s a lesbian!! 🗣 so she prefers them that way. she taps her fingertips on things whenever she’s thinking. her hands are warm, not hot, but it’s comfortable and cozy whenever she holds your own. she likes to run her fingers up your wrists, leaving little kisses behind the trail. cups the side of your face with a big smile while telling you how much she loves you, running her thumb across your cheek. like jumin, holds tension in her hands so they have a tendency to ache sometimes. she holds them together or rubs them when she’s nervous. if she's still working under jumin no, she doesn’t wear jewelry or nail polish often. the most you’ll find is ink stains on the sides of her hand. but in the coffee shop she’ll start to explore more, finds she likes dainty little rings and neutral polishes. she talks with her hands when she gets excited or when she’s really into talking about a topic. her hands are usually busy tapping a table or holding something most of the time.

seven has some long lanky hands, we’ve seen his hacker fingers. a mix between broad and lanky. they aren't delicate and soft, but not bulky either. his hands are hot, like absolute furnace level hot. he gets sweaty palms easily. he has a rather rough touch, but not at all bad, it feels like saeyoung if that makes sense. he likes to squish your cheeks between his hands, run his fingers down your palms, warm your hands up in his own. a little rough when he touches you, kind of when you see something really cute and you get all tense and you just wanna shake it around, he has that with you sometimes. he has really short nails, some scars scattered around as well, a few burn marks from his childhood. he has a ton of freckles all over his knuckles especially in the summer. shakes his hands around for awhile whenever they get sore, which is often due to his job. steady hands and grip. he wears jewelry while in cosplay, besides that not very often. but he does paint his nails when he feels up to it or is bored, which is more often. probably did dick decals once because he thought it was the pinnacle of humor. talks with his hands heavily, very animated while he speaks. when he’s not using them they’re usually in the pockets of his hoodie, or busy annoying someone. pokes saeran’s cheeks which earns him a slap of the hand in return.

jihyun has the prettiest hands, lanky but sturdy. no shakiness at all, steadiness of an artist, but when he gets nervous, emotional, or has caffeine, they do shake pretty bad. super soft and silky, and like zen, his hands are very fluid and lovely to watch as he works, especially while he’s painting. surprisingly warm hands, never hot, but they're comfortable and cozy. he does get cold very easily though, so you’ll have to help him warm up on occasion. his touch is gentle and careful, touches everything like it’s art, especially you. he’ll trace your skin with his fingers, leaving kisses in their wake. he always touches you so softly, like you’re glass or the finest of arts. he likes to “paint” your skin with his fingertips sometimes. he holds his own hands and rubs them together when he’s feeling anxious. he has well kept nails, he’ll wear nail polish if you want him to hehe wears rings but only with meaning. has matching rings with you and jumin. bracelets sometimes too, the cute woven ones. but again, they need meaning for him. you can normally find paint stains scattered across his hands. he talks with his hands very gently, it’s not super animated and fast like seven, it’s slow and calm. his hands are usually kept behind his back, or loosely at his sides.

saeran’s are very pale and almost translucent. blue veins, cherry fingertips, red knuckles. they’re big like seven’s but a little skinnier. surprisingly they’re insanely soft, he doesn’t use anything for that, it’s just natural. his freckles are much more faded than saeyoung’s, he has some scars, more burn marks than his brother does. he’s incredibly insecure about his hands, so he’ll pull his hoodie down to cover most of the skin there. freezing cold most of the time, he has bad circulation. so he loves when you hold your hand within his, running your fingers down his own, kiss his knuckles and whisper “pretty.” when you look at them. while he’s not sure he believes you, it still means a lot to him. he likes to trace things you’re insecure about and whisper “pretty” back. his nails are short, he bites them from anxiety a lot. you suggest painting them so he won’t bite them as often, at first he’s not sure, but quickly finds that he really likes the way that looks. prefers when you paint his nails though, claims he doesn’t know how to do it, but he does. he just likes being close to you. very shaky all the time, doesn’t have a steady grip. he’ll only wear rings that you get for him. doesn’t talk with his hands unless he’s really excited about something, almost all of the time they’re in the pocket of his hoodie, or intertwined with your own.

elizabeth the third’s hands are the softest out of the entire rfa, so soft that even zen can’t compete. warm and cozy, but can be painful when shes hard at work making the meanest batch of muffins you ever did see directly on top of your stomach. watch out. looks cute, but still deadly. when jumin’s walking past the couch she’ll stick her paw out and take a swipe at his leg when he’s even a minute later past feeding time. rolls all cutesy if she does manage to draw some blood, because she knows absolutely no one, not even zen, could stay mad at a face like that for too long.

thanks for reading! find more on my mysme masterlist ♡!

[gureishi]

blue sky, falling star

Here is the first fic I wrote for the @mysme-rbb​! It’s pretty different from anything I’ve written before, and I’m really excited to share it. I had such a wonderful time collaborating with AlyValery, who made this beautiful artwork. Check out her post here.

one

Zen falls in love with her first. For him, it is like leaping into cool, clear water.

There is something about her, from the first time he speaks to her (and she is just words on a screen then, voiceless and non-corporeal): something about her reels him in, makes his heart eel fizzy. It is only when she’s in his home, though—sitting so calmly on his couch, hands clasped neatly in her lap—that he realizes just how deep underwater he has fallen.

“Sorry,” he says to her—and for what? For his small, underground apartment, when she deserves a palace? For bringing her here, or for the danger he didn’t know she was in, or for the strange thickness he feels in the space between them?

She shakes her head, and a lock of hair falls into her eyes. She brushes it away with careful fingers and Zen feels that his heart is trying to fight its way out of his chest.

“You’re like my knight in shining armor right now,” she says—and in spite of it all, she speaks with a certainty that makes his head spin. For his whole life, he has been searching for the sort of sureness that seems to radiate off her. He feels dizzy as he sits beside her—leaving space between them, still (because she feels untouchable to him—because she is too wonderful for this world).

“That’s me,” he says, giving her his best attempt at his usual sparkling smile. He wonders if she can sense how nervous she makes him.

“It’s okay,” she says, patting the space beside her. “You can sit next to me, silly.” She knows: he sees it written in the resplendent smile on her face. Zen feels his cheeks flush. It’s never been like this before: he has worked so hard to learn how to smile, and change the timbre of his voice, and angle his head just right so the light bounces off his jaw. He is not used to being caught off guard. Ah, but he finds it impossible to pretend when she’s around: he is rubbed raw, like she has stripped him of his skin, leaving him utterly exposed.

“If you want me to, babe,” he says—but he knows that his voice is stiff and he can feel the way his body tingles as he shifts closer to her.

“Hey,” she says. She peeks up at him from underneath her lashes and there is a determined look in her eyes. A moment passes in which the world outside the window could burn to the ground and Zen wouldn’t see. She takes his hand.

And this is it: this is the moment. Oh god, he thinks. I’m done for.

She’s smiling up at him, tilting her head to the side to draw his attention to their intertwined fingers—as though he needed a reminder.

“Is this okay?” she asks him. He realizes he’s staring at her—is afraid, for a moment, that he looks like a fool, that she’ll toss her head and laugh that heart-stirring laugh and take her hand back. She doesn’t, of course.

He squeezes her hand. Finds he can breathe underwater.

Zen always knows what to say. But here, on his too-small couch, in his too-small apartment, he doesn’t have the words—doesn’t know how to tell her that his heart, and his head, and his whole life belong to her; ah, but the sparkle in her eyes tells him that she already knows. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Of course it is.”

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two

Yoosung can’t sleep. It’s something about the way the stars are shining outside his window: too close, like he could stick out his hand and pull them from the sky. He’s never wanted to believe the adage that lost loved ones look down on us from the stars—it’s too sad, he thinks, to leave behind your friends on earth and exist forever in the night sky, all alone. He doesn’t want to end up stationed in the sky for living people to gaze at as they philosophize about life; he wants to be right here, where it’s warm and he’s real and he can hold the people he loves in his arms.

The people he loves.

Normally, he’d give up on sleep—throw a blanket over his shoulders and open his game, where there would be friends waiting for him: strangers who know him just well enough to ask how he’s doing but not well enough to really listen to the answer. He used to think this sort of relationship was safe—natural—ideal.

But he doesn’t think that way anymore.

He calls her, instead.

She answers right away, and she can’t have been sleeping, because her voice sounds too clear.

“You’re still awake?” he laughs, and she giggles. He wishes she were beside him, head on his shoulder as he looks out through the smudged glass window.

“So are you,” she says.

Yoosung tells her about the stars. He tells her that the stars he sees are really in the past—that they’re long gone—that the past and present live together in the sky. A voice in the back of his mind tells him that he’s being dramatic again—that he’s wasting her time, her precious sleep, with these thoughts.

But she doesn’t think so.

“I’m looking out my window now too,” she tells him. “I wonder if the stars will carry my message to you.”

Yoosung finds that he’s smiling. He tucks his knees up to his chest, wiggles closer to the window—puts a palm on the glass, thinks again that perhaps he could catch a star in his hand if he just reached far enough.

“What’s your message for me?” he asks. His heart races.

“I’m going to tell the stars,” she says. She whispers something, and he hears her exhale, like she’s blowing on a dandelion—scattering her words into the night sky.

“Not fair!” he says. “I wanted to hear the message, too!”

“You will,” she tells him. “Just wait.”

So he waits, hand on the glass, listening to the sound of her breathing through the phone. He counts her breaths: one, two, three… He wonders how it would feel to fall asleep to this beautiful sound; he hopes, with all his heart, that one day he will find out.

One of the stars seems to glimmer brighter, catching his eye. It’s getting bigger, he thinks—moving closer to him. And perhaps it’s his imagination (too active, he’s been told) or just a projection made by his desperate heart, but he feels a warmth wash over him—like stepping outside and lifting his face to the sky on a bright summer day.

“Did you get it?” she whispers. His heart feels shimmery, like she’s taken it in both her hands and sworn to keep it safe.

“Yes,” he whispers back. “I feel it.”

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three

Jaehee is never afraid—but today, she is terrified.

The key digs into her palm and she clutches it—too tight—in her sweaty, shaky hand. She can’t remember the last time she felt this way—like her stomach is tied in a knot. As a child, perhaps, squeezing her pencil, waiting for a test to start—never as an adult; never like this.

Oh, and she is every bit as beautiful as Jaehee had imagined. When she was just a voice over the phone, Jaehee felt so much safer to say what she felt (even if what she said was such a tiny bit of what she really meant). But now she has a body, and a face, and these perfect, confident eyes, and Jaehee is certain she is going to lose her nerve.

Do it, she tells herself. Do it now.

“Will you be my partner?” she asks—and her voice sounds so much quieter than it did in her imagination. And in spite of everything that’s been said, Jaehee half-expects her to shake her head, declining the offer with a perfect, polite smile. Why would she uproot her whole life, after all, for a woman she’s known for just a few days?

Jaehee hardly dares even think beyond this: about the question she’s really asking; about the answer she really wants.

“Yes,” she says. Ah, and she says it with such conviction: like she’s simply been waiting to be asked. Jaehee feels like a thousand tiny little fires have ignited inside her chest. She holds out the key with a trembling hand. This is it, she thinks: the moment to tell the truth. And by my partner, of course, I mean…

She opens her mouth but the words are stuck in her throat. She hates herself for it: she is strong, she thinks. She can go to work with clear eyes after a sleepless night; she can defend herself with her bare hands. But this—the you are my everything, the I want you, the please be mine—it is impossible.

The key is gone—she has slipped it from Jaehee’s hand with remarkable deftness—and she is moving closer, closer, and Jaehee is frozen in place as soft arms encircle her. She smells like the first buds of spring.

“I mean—” Jaehee tries to say, feeling that the world has turned sideways.

“I know,” she whispers. And there is an intimacy in her tone of voice that Jaehee has never heard before: the ballroom around them dissolves, and they could be in bed together, or on a plane carrying them thousands of miles away, or in a void consisting of nothing but their voices and breaths and bodies and hearts. “I know what you mean.”

“Do you?”

She doesn’t say anything, but she shifts in Jaehee’s arms, and Jaehee realizes what she’s going to do right before she does it. She tilts her head and—and—with almost unbearable tenderness, brushes her lips against the corner of Jaehee’s jaw.

The sideways world rights itself. The air hums. The stars fall from the heavens.

“Friends don’t kiss each other like that,” she whispers, and her breath on Jaehee’s ear sends sparks shooting down her spine. “Right?”

Jaehee gathers her breath, the fragmented shards of her courage.

“No,” she murmurs. “They don’t.”

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four

It is a cool April day, and the trees seem to sing a song of impending summer.

She gets home late that night. Her mother, who is seated beside her in the car, is telling her a story she can’t quite follow—some friend of the family got some score on some test, and apparently this means that her mother is now disappointed in her. She sighs heavily; her phone buzzes in her pocket, and she leaves it alone, reluctant to get in more trouble than she seems to be in already.

The car pulls into the driveway.

“You need to make sure you get some sleep tonight, okay?” her mother says—and her voice sounds far away, like it’s coming from underwater.

“I still have a lot of studying to do,” she says, feeling stubborn. And it’s true that she has studying to do, but it is true, too, that it is almost midnight—the right time to start over again tonight, if she wants to.

And she does: oh, to slip back into that world where she is beloved and everyone’s salvation is at her fingertips.

Her mother looks back, halfway to the door; she’s still sitting in the passenger seat, shoulders hunched, one hand unconsciously cupping the phone inside her pocket.

“Are you coming inside?” her mother asks. She opens the passenger side door; the night air is biting on her bare arms.

“Yeah,” she tells her. “Yeah, just a minute.”

And her mother is walking ahead; tugging open the front door (too forcefully), keys jangling in her hand (too loud). She pauses in the garden; tilts her face up to see the sky.

Her muscles feel stiff and sore from nights of poring over books, eyes aching as she tries to make out the letters that swim around on the page. She feels like she’s been running a marathon barefoot, gasping as she struggles to keep up.

In another universe, though, she is already at the finish line. In another universe, she has the power to mend broken hearts, soothe fears, save lives.

Are you out there? she asks the empty night sky.

A star falls.

Oh: and it feels like an answer. She pulls her phone out of her pocket: midnight exactly. Phone in one hand, she lays her other hand over her heart.

She makes a wish.

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five

It is when the car door shuts behind her that Jumin realizes he is no longer afraid.

For ages, he has been on the very edge of the abyss of solitude. It would have been so easy, he thinks, to bury himself in that gaping emptiness where no one could reach him—to fall deeper and deeper until he was untouchable.

But she wrapped a rope around his waist and said if you’re going, I’m going too. He knows that she felt it: the peril of standing on the edge; the understanding that one wrong move would have catapulted them both over the cliff—hidden them away together where no one could find them. She knew; she could have run away at any time. 

She didn’t.

And now he is alone in the garage, and the car that’s carrying her away from him is fading into the distance, and—for perhaps the very first time in his life—he has no doubt that she will come back.

He’s always believed that leaving means never returning—that once someone is gone, they are gone forever. But she has driven away, and he finds that he doesn’t feel scared.

He calls her, of course—almost without thinking, fingers pressing the buttons before he’s realizing what he’s doing. She laughs as she answers.

“Did you miss me already?” she asks. Her voice is weightless; he realizes that it’s been days since he’s heard her voice without actually standing beside her. She feels so much less tangible now that she is just a voice over a phone again—and still, he does not feel afraid.

“I did,” he tells her. “I miss you so much.”

Honesty: so bright it almost burns him.

He tells her that he wants to grow into a more mature man for her, and she listens—and it is this, perhaps, that he loves the most. She doesn’t offer him platitudes, as the people around him have done his whole life: she doesn’t say oh, but you’re fine the way you are; she doesn’t dismiss him or diminish him or paint him a false picture of the way his world should be.

She listens.

She tells him that she’s glad to have met him and he knows that she means it.

Her voice, Jumin thinks, is like crisp autumn air; he wonders if he’s ever been truly honest with anyone before.

“There’s something I want to say to you right now,” he says. He finds that he needs to know how the words will taste in his mouth—needs to know if he’s capable of saying them at all.

“What is it?” she asks, and he smiles because he can tell she already knows.

He’s not standing on a cliff anymore, staring down into the abyss. Before he realized what she was doing, she led him away—guided him to this new place, where he is warm and his feet are on solid ground.

“I love you,” he tells her. It tastes like sweet chocolate on his tongue; it is the truest thing he’s ever said.

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six

It is far too late to turn back by the time Saeyoung looks at her sleeping face and realizes the magnitude of what he has done.

He is driving on an empty road that seems to stretch ahead infinitely. It is the space between him and his other half—and the distance separating them is measurable for the first time in so many years. She has fallen asleep in the passenger seat, his jacket spread over her lap, her face perfectly serene. Her lips form a tiny, placid smile—as though she’s content to be walking into fire with him. As though she doesn’t have any doubts.

I am a monster, he thinks (not for the first time). What sort of despicable person lets a someone like her get entangled in their nightmare? She shines so bright that his heart aches.

She wakes (of course she does), and he drags his eyes from her face back to the road, pretending not to see. He wonders if there is still time to deposit her somewhere safe, to leave his heart in her care as he goes on alone.

If anything were to happen to her, that would be the end of him. He’s sure of it.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” he says, keeping his voice light. But she knows better, of course—sees through him the way she always has. She frowns and leans over to brush his arm with her fingers; his whole body shivers at her touch and he is ashamed, knowing she can tell.

“What’s wrong?” she asks him. He gives her his most convincing smile, but he knows it’s lopsided on his face. What has happened to him? She has shattered all his defenses; she has plunged headfirst into the dark pit of his fears.

“Nothing,” he says; and she makes that clicking noise with her tongue that always disarms him, almost like she’s saying shhhh, now tell the truth. “I shouldn’t have brought you,” he says (hating the way his voice sounds, like he might just burst into tears).

She sighs.

“Do I have to tell you again all the reasons why you’re wrong?” Her sternness makes him smile—he can’t help it. He glances at her and her eyes are hard, glittering like the afternoon sun on the windshield.

“Please do,” he says. His voice sounds hoarse. She shifts, sitting cross-legged, tucking her arms into the sleeves of his jacket. She’s so cute like this he’s afraid his heart will burst.

“I’m going to help you,” she tells him firmly. “You may be the smartest person in the whole world, but you’re no good at staying calm.”

She’s right, of course—he never has been.

“You’ll do your best work with me beside you,” she says. “You get us in and I’ll keep us safe. If you want to save him, you need me there, too.”

Saeyoung’s hands—normally so steady, because he’s trained them to be that way—shake as he grips the steering wheel.

“I’ve never really cared about staying safe,” he tells her. She huffs, frustrated, refusing to let him wallow. And then she reaches for him, brushing his hair off his forehead; though her fingers are cool, he feels that she’s set his whole body on fire.

“Too bad,” she says. “I care about keeping you safe, Seven.”

Oh, and that name feels hateful to him when she says it: he can hardly stand the thought of her believing, even for a moment, any of the hundreds of thousands of lies he’s told. He wants her to see him for who he really is.

“Thank you,” he murmurs; she smiles, a hand on his knee, and he feels that she is the brightest star in all the galaxies.

It’s time, he thinks.

When they make it out alive (and in that moment, he decides that they will)—whether it is today, or tomorrow, or the next day—he is going to tell her his real name. Because Seven is a conglomerate of pretense and brightly-colored lies; because Saeyoung is a version of himself that he’s hardly dared to dream about: a person who’s loving, and honest, and good. 

He can become that person, he thinks, for her. He wants to.

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seven

It is May. She counts on her fingers the number of exams she has left, feeling the shivering promise of time passing on her very skin. She can see to the end of the long, dark tunnel now: the delightful hollowness of summer afternoons, the wonder of falling asleep at night without a thousand anxieties dancing around on her pillow. She sees, too, the plane she will board in the fall—the one that will carry her far away from here.

She sits at her desk, notecards stacked perilously high around her. Her phone buzzes; she checks it. Her head pounds.

“You aren’t playing that game, are you?”

Her mother’s voice from the doorway is harsh and she jumps, upsetting a pile of papers covered in nearly incomprehensible scrawl. She feels tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” she snaps, throwing her phone onto her unmade bed.

“Just checking,” her mother says stiffly. She buries her head in her arms.

I wish they could see me now, she thinks wildly. Her room is a mess; there are dark circles under her eyes; she hasn’t brushed her hair. This house is a pressure cooker: the looming stacks of notes, and her mother’s stern voice, and the calendar of exams taped above her desk. She can’t see straight anymore.

It is a sense of control, she thinks, that she needs. Here, she has none at all: every moment of her day is monitored, every ounce of her energy expended to prepare for these tests that feel meaningless—that will earn her numbers on a page and a ticket out of her hometown.

But in the other universe, she is strong, and she is confident. Perhaps most important of all: she is cherished.

And they are cherished, she thinks; she wishes she could tell them as much.

Do you know? she thinks at them—hard as she can, heart racing, knowing it is foolish (wanting to believe, anyway). Do you know how much you mean to me?

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eight

When Jihyun wakes in the small, sterile room, the moon has risen, and the first thing he thinks of is her face.

In his mind’s eye, he pictures her as he saw her last: slipping from the room with a determined smile, waving as if to reassure him that he’d see her soon. Groggily, he tries to think: this was hours ago, of course, and it must be evening now. His body feels heavy; he tries to open his eyes, and finds that he can’t.

He lifts a hand to his face, feeling like he’s moving through thick liquid. Ah: there is a bandage over his eyes. He can feel it now: stiff and scratchy against his closed eyelids. 

From somewhere in the room (which he can no longer picture clearly), he hears a quiet voice.

“V? Are you awake?

It’s her—and he is somewhat surprised by the way his heart races. He didn’t expect her to wait with him this whole time—he didn’t realize that she was nearby.

“I’m awake,” he says—and his voice sounds strange to him, like it’s coming from someone else. He hears a rustling—someone is moving closer to the bed. Oh, and he catches a whiff of her scent; he’s never been able to quite place it, but it is absolutely intoxicating: like a garden he walked through once, long ago—or perhaps a flower that only grows in another world.

“I’m going to call the nurse,” she says. She is so close that he can feel her breath on his face. He reaches out—catches her hand.

“Wait just a moment?” he asks. He wonders if she can hear his heart.

How strange, he thinks. He is barely awake, and yet his heart is racing as though he’s just run a hundred miles.

“They said it went really well,” she says. He doesn’t miss the anxiety in her voice; he wonders how many hours she’s been here, watching him sleep. 

“You didn’t have to wait with me,” he says. 

“Of course I did.”

Jihyun realizes that he is still holding her hand. His head feels so foggy from the medicine that made him sleep, but his body is waking up now, and he’s painfully conscious of how small her hand is in his—tiny and almost unbearably tender. He wishes he could kiss every one of her sweet fingertips; he wishes he could see her face.

“Thank you,” he says. He means thank you for staying here with me—here in this room that smells strongly of disinfectant—but he means so much more than that, too. She sighs in the way he’s often heard her sigh: like she wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. He wouldn’t mind if she did.

“How do you feel?” she asks instead. She’s being careful, tiptoeing around him; he’s not sure how to tell her that she doesn’t need to.

“A little tired,” he admits. “But otherwise I feel well.” He hesitates. “Better than usual, actually.”

She laughs quietly; he feels he might do anything—anything in the world—just to hear that laugh again.

“You’re so strong,” she tells him, squeezing his hand. She is the one who is strong, he thinks. 

There’s a noise in the distance: a gentle knock on the door. The doctor is coming back, he supposes; suddenly, he feels not at all strong. He holds her hand tighter—finds that he doesn’t want her to go.

“Will you wait for me?” he asks, despising the way his voice sounds. He does not sound like a man who is worthy of her attention—he knows he is not a man who deserves to be waited for.

But she holds his hand to her cheek, and her skin is so warm. Jihyun wonders if she understands what he is really asking: not stay with me now but wait until I become someone who can love you the way you deserve.

“Of course I’ll wait for you,” she says. She speaks slowly: each word seems to hold enormous weight.

She knows, he thinks, exactly what he means.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

nine

Hand-in-hand, they look up at the sky.

Saeran sees the endless expanse of freedom extending in all directions around him, and feels that she is the very center of it all.

“Are you nervous?” she asks. He laughs; just moments before, he had felt that way—when he was typing (fingers aching as they fell into their habitual pattern of worrying over the keys—eyes burning and throat itching as he tried to breathe the cabin’s stale air). But now that he is outside—and she is standing beside him—he feels that he has the power to do anything: to run till his feet give out; to see his brother again; to build a life for himself.

“Not anymore,” he says. She moves closer, her arm brushing against his, and he turns to press his lips to her hairline. She squirms at his side, making a delightful sort of purring sound; Saeran feels that he could hold onto her from now until forever and it wouldn’t be enough.

He breathes in the mountain air: it smells like pine and grass and wind. He’s never felt like this before—like he is as strong as the earth itself.

“I’m happy,” she tells him. He feels her eyes on him and turns; oh, and she’s more beautiful than the sky, he thinks, brighter and more expansive than any fantasy his fevered mind could have dreamed up.

“What are you happy about?” he asks. She takes his other hand; he wonders if she knows that he wants to scoop up the whole world in his arms and lay it at her feet.

“I’m happy you’re here with me,” she tells him. “I’m happy that you’re free. I’m happy that you’re smiling the way you are right now.”

He is smiling, he realizes; he feels almost as if he could levitate off the ground. As if he could become the wind. As if he could cross into another universe to hold onto her heart.

“I love you,” he tells her, because it’s all he can think about. She catapults herself into his arms and he laughs, holding her close.

“I love you so much,” she says. “I just want…”

He knows. He brushes through her hair with his fingers, thrilled by the way she sighs as she snuggles closer. This is it, he thinks: the feeling of freefall that he has been seeking (and running from) all his life. The rhythm of her breathing against his chest ties him to the earth; he feels an absolute certainty in the sublime power of the universe. 

Over her head, he looks at the sky. The clouds whisper to him: she’s here, they seem to say. She is. She is.

Her body feels so solid in his arms, so real; and her love for him shimmers in the air all around him.

“Thank you,” Saeran whispers into her soft, sweet skin, “for being under the same sky.”

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

ten

Summer comes.

She finishes her tests—bids goodbye to her friends and family—is startled by how much she cries.

She boards the plane with her ticket crushed in her sweaty hand. She sits by the window, palm against the glass, staring hard into the clouds.

In the distance, she can see the city she’s leaving behind: the buildings blur into the mist, and she is crying again. For years, she’s waited to run away from this place—now, it feels so strange to be leaving it behind. She pictures her room in her old house: the books stacked in neat piles now, the clothes laundered and folded into her suitcase, the bed made. She wishes she could pull out her phone and open the door to the other world—the one that’s offered her greater clarity than anything she’s ever felt in her own.

But she can’t, of course—not here. And at the end of this long plane ride will be another airport—and a car ride—and then the university she worked so hard to get into: the promise of a future that’s shimmering and full.

She holds her phone—powered off—in both hands. Here in the sky, she feels she could be in any world at all: her past, or her future, or their world, which still shines in her heart (perhaps brightest of all).

I’m okay, she thinks—and she knows that she is. She has confidence in the future she’s building for herself—in the person she’s becoming—in her own little corner of the universe.

She hopes that they know this. Their world feels both far away and wonderfully, impossibly close: inside her and all around her. She hopes that they are okay, too; that they are eating; that they are taking care.

Oh, she thinks—realizes, in a moment of sky blue clarity. I’m not going back.

She is moving on—as she always knew she would. And they knew too, of course. They must have.

But…

I love you, she thinks—thinks it hard, phone in her hands, face pressed against the window, eyes reflecting the faces she thinks she sees in the clouds. I love you all.

From her universe to theirs—connected only by lines of code and fervent feelings and a wish made on a falling star—she hopes (wishes, prays) that her message reaches them.

The clouds shift: love, love, love, they seem to say. The plane carries her higher. The sky stretches around her in all directions: infinite. Expanding.

They feel her.

She knows it.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

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[jafndaegur]

a pillar to stand by

Jumin Han x MC

Day 3: Arcturus | Jumin Week 2021 | Mysme

a/n: today has been a really shitty day at work, so I wrote this to make me happy. If you don't like mlm then this isn't for you.

MC couldn't help but smile as he watched Jumin. Despite the occasional radio chatter in his ear, his attention was drawn all too easily to the man on stage. This was one of C&R's triannual galas, something they hosted to build reputation and connections. And every year it seemed as though Jumin Han radiated at the center of the event like a supernova—alluring everyone to his presence.

"5 minutes till leave time, MC. Check-in." One of the other security guards demanded on the radio line.

MC held back the urge to sigh. "Check. Will grab Director Han and make our way to the vehicle."

"Good."

The radio line went blissfully silent. Even though he stood at attention, even though he stood in the shadows—he was able to freely watch Jumin in his element. Commanding and confident, the corporate heir was bright. Dazzlingly bright.

MC started to make his way up the side, preparing the exit route mentally.

Everything went without a hitch and once Jumin finished his speech, MC approached. They left together, MC's hand gently placed on the dip of Jumin's back to escort him away from the applauding attendees. When Driver Kim pulled up along the street, MC gave one last final check with the rest of the security detail before climbing into the car as well.

What a long day. Big events like these required so much preparation.

Jumin rested his head against his knuckles, gazing at the scenery outside the windows. "I noticed you watching."

"I'm always watching," MC quipped back, chuckling. This was the game they always played. "It's how I keep you safe."

Only then did Jumin glance at him, gaze warm and lips upturned in the slightest of grins. "Something tells me it was more than that."

MC laughed then, leaning back in his seat. "Perhaps. But that's entirely your fault."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well," he tried to place his feelings correctly—piecing together the admiration and awe into words. "You're brilliant. Glittering and powerful like the stars, you draw everyone to you with your charisma, your assurance, your stability. You're like a pillar to stand by. Everyone wants to be there, beside you."

Voice lowered, Jumin leaned in. "And you?"

"Especially me," MC assured.

Jumin kissed him then. His lips worked slowly and tenderly, and MC was all too pleased to cup Jumin's face and bring him closer. The soft sigh of breath, the shudder of his body—all of it pulled MC closer to the existence of Jumin Han. If Jumin were a star he'd no doubt be one of the brightest, a force of sheer might and fortitude.

"How could I not?" MC whispered, brushing his lips against Jumin's. "How could I not want to stand beside you, basking in everything that you are."

"Flattery gets you nowhere," Jumin murmured, his eyes hooded and the bridge of his nose flushed. 

MC hummed. "You're right. But this might get me somewhere."

He tangled his fingers into the short crop of raven hair and enjoyed the tender look in storm grey eyes. As he kissed lovingly along the corners of Jumin's mouth and jaw, MC realized he may be the only one in the world to truly stand beside Jumin's warmth and light. 

[reifromrfa]

Surprises: Vanderwood x MC | Mysme RBB fic

Hi guys! I’m sure you’ve seen this project in the fandom, there are a lot of talented artists and writers who are a part of it ^^ This piece is for the @mysme-rbb and it was such a thrill to write it! I’ve missed writing for the fandom and I’m glad I got this opportunity to do so <3 Even luckier that I got paired with two amazing artists! 

For this first collab, I got paired with the wonderful GLX ! Please check out their instagram HERE!  We’re super lucky to have collaborated on a character we both love: Vanderwood! So I hope you enjoy the story and I hope I can write for everyone again soon ヾ(@^▽^@)ノ PS: I’ll edit this post with the link to the art once it’s out! ^^

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Surprises

In collaboration with gl.artsy 

"Hurry!"

Vanderwood chuckles and closes the car door, hoisting bags and baskets on his arms and shoulders. MC laughs and hugs the beach towels to her chest, grinning widely.

"Sorry...I'm a little excited," her grin turns sheepish but Vanderwood shakes his head, his smile mirroring her own. Seeing her this happy makes him feel things he hasn't felt before --pleasant feelings. Feelings...that a secret agent just doesn't have the luxury to be thinking about, much less feel. But he's not a secret agent anymore --he has a legal job now, one where he doesn't have to risk his life everyday or dirty his hands. Hell, the dirtiest his hands can get with his new job as Jumin's bodyguard is cleaning up after his cat.

With his free hand, he reaches for hers and weaves their fingers together.

Today is their one-year anniversary and Vanderwood wants everything to be absolutely perfect. He's not one for grand gestures and romantic stuff, but he knows celebrations like these matter to girls.

In the past year he's been with MC, he's gotten used to watching those cheesy romantic chick flicks. Never in his life did he imagine he'd be forced to watch those kinds of shi--stuff. But he's braved through The Notepad, A Stroll to Remember, Crazy Silly Love...and he's learned a lot from those movies. For one, his girlfriend ends up crying every time they watch the shows together.

Every. Single. Time.

But he'd see how immersed she is in the scenes where the guys make a big move for the girl. Vanderwood would notice how she heaves a deep sigh and wipes her eyes, a dreamy smile on her face.

Ha...he's new to this relationship thing but he's not stupid; Vanderwood knows how this works. The bigger the gesture, the happier MC will be...

...right?

He's startled out of his thoughts when MC tugs his hand, pointing at a spot on the beach. "Over there! There's a free spot there!"

Vanderwood follows after MC and starts setting up their towels and beach umbrella. This is the first step in his grand surprise for MC today: spend the morning at the beach, a place MC rarely went to. The excited look on her face is all the confirmation he needs; he did good, choosing this as the start of their date.

MC sits on the towel under the shade of the umbrella and takes off her wide-brimmed hat, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she opens them, she turns to Vanderwood. "Baby, this is perfect. The skies are clear, there's a breeze and there's not much people; it's almost like we have the beach to ourselves!"

Vanderwood chuckles, sitting beside his girlfriend and reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "You like it?"

At his touch, she blushes and smiles, nodding her head. "I do, Vanderwood. I really do."

He leans forward, lips quirking up into a smirk. "Good...that's real good, MC." Vanderwood can see the blush on her face deepening as he inches closer and his own heart races, eyes darting to her slightly-parted lips. As he draws nearer though, he hears a whooshing sound through the air and a distant yell: "LOOK OUT!"

His reflexes kick in and Vanderwood pulls MC against his chest then pins her against the ground, using his body to shield her from whatever it is --MC doesn't even have the time to process what's happening. But she feels herself warming, eyes fixated on Vanderwood's tense expression, at the way he's hovering on top of her, holding her protectively against him.

A second later, their umbrella is knocked over and a spray of sand flies across Vanderwood's back. He turns away and shields MC's eyes, a million thoughts already flying through his mind.

"Could it be that some agents found me? How many are there? How am I gonna get MC safely to the car? The taser's in the bag, if I could just reach it in time

"Vanderwood turns his head to look for the target-

-when his eyes fall to the white volleyball lying on the sand near them.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry, that's my fault!!!" A kid with blonde hair is running up to them, waving his hand and trying to bow at the same time. Vanderwood's eyes narrow. Wait a minute...isn't that-

"Yoosung?" comes MC's voice.

Sure enough, Yoosung's purple eyes widen as recognition dawns and he laughs, running faster. Right behind him is the silver-haired actor and Jaehee Kang, all dressed in their beachwear. Zen smiles when he spots the two familiar faces but it only lasts for a second --the moment he realizes the position the couple are in...

"YA!!! Vanderwood! What are you doing!" Zen glares at Vanderwood, pointing an accusatory finger at the Silver Spoon's bodyguard. Vanderwood narrows his gaze at the actor but hurriedly straightens himself, his face feeling warm.

"Baby, are you okay?"

"I am...what was that all about?" MC takes Vanderwood's hand and he pulls her up just as Yoosung stops in front of them, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Sorry! Zen hit the ball too hard and I received it wrong so it went flying...I didn't know it would end up here where you guys are! I didn't even know you two were going to be here too!"

Vanderwood rubs the back of his neck, wishing they'd leave him and MC alone. It's not that he doesn't like them, but today he'd like MC all for himself. "Ha...yeah, what a coincidence."

"Ya, you!" Zen jabs a finger at Vanderwood's chest, eyes blazing. "What the heck was that!"

Vanderwood looks at Zen with a deadpan look on his face. "I thought there was a threat, so I was defending my girlfriend. Will you stop having perverted thoughts?"

MC giggles. "It's true, Zen! He was just trying to protect me~"

"That's very quick thinking." Jaehee pipes in, picking up the ball. "I suppose that's what makes you a great bodyguard, Vanderwood."

"Ha...thanks." Vanderwood feels awkward still, but for an ex-agent with no family and no friends...his life's shaping out real good. Still, friends or not, he wants these people to go away and let him pamper his girlfriend. "So, now that that's settled-"

"OH! Why don't you two join us in a game of volleyball? Please!!! I'm tired of picking up the ball all the time!" Yoosung begs them, hands pressed together in front of him.

"Aww, that sounds fun! We're game, right, baby?" MC says, winking at Vanderwood. To the others, she says, "The two of us will be in a team against you guys! You'll see, Vanderwood will carry our team!"

Vanderwood can't help but feel proud at MC's words. Okay...maybe one game of volleyball wouldn't hurt. After that, they'll go back to their spot and maybe he can go swimming with MC, or get some cool drinks.

~

Yoosung, Jaehee and Zen stayed with them the entire time. After volleyball, they took MC and Vanderwood to their rented cabin and shared their meal. Vanderwood and Zen ended up grilling meat and seafood for the rest but it was actually fun. The non-stop chatter and laughs, the volleyball games, seeing MC enjoy herself --okay okay, it's not so bad that their first date got interrupted. But of course, Vanderwood has more tricks up his sleeves.

A long drive and a shower later, Vanderwood and MC change into more semi-formal attire as he drives them to one of the fancy restaurants in town. The restaurant is situated atop a building, with the entire floor encased in glass windows so guests can dine with a view overlooking South Korea. It's fine dining and Vanderwood has never been to a classy restaurant while off-duty; to be honest, something like this kinda suits Jumin Han more...but Vanderwood doesn't want to take MC to their regular dining spots. No, for this special day she deserves something special too.

As they're led to their seats by the hostess, Vanderwood once again intertwines his fingers with hers. "I heard this place has the best seoullangtang."

MC tugs at his hand, looking at him with narrowed eyes. "Baby, this place is really expensive...you didn't have to."

Ha...oh no, doesn't she like it?

"It's our anniversary," he tells her, lifting their hands and then turning hers so he can kiss the back of it. "Don't even think about that, baby."

MC turns red at Vanderwood's blatant display of affection. Usually, he's more reserved and careful when they're in public; she assumed it's because of his past and she didn't mind. But today, he's been more touchy and showy...MC has to admit, it's giving her heart a pleasant workout. They're seated right by the window and Vanderwood is the perfect gentleman, pulling her chair out for her and helping her onto her seat. MC feels shy all of a sudden as Vanderwood slides into his seat across her. With the dim lighting from the restaurant, the candle in the middle of the table casts Vanderwood's face in a warm glow and MC unconsciously swallows, entranced by him.

Their previous dates were never this fancy and she's not complaining --she loves wherever they are, be it the beach or the supermarket, a fancy restaurant or McFonald's. As long as they're together, she's happy.

But seeing her boyfriend all dressed up in a crisp button-down shirt and a coat, hair tied into a half-ponytail, brown eyes staring at her --she can't help but feel the depth and seriousness of their relationship. Today is their anniversary, which means she's spent 365 days with this man...more than that, of course. Ever since they met, her days have been full of color and life. MC reaches across the table for his hand and holds it tightly in hers.

"I love you, Vanderwood."

Vanderwood's glad it's kinda dark because his heart does that weird little thing and he feels his cheeks burn as a smile spreads across his face. "I love you too, MC."

She mirrors his smile and it's strange but MC feels like she did the first time she met him in person, nervous and intimidated, but at the same comforted by his presence and intrigued. This once mysterious man is hers and though she knows she's barely scratched the surface of all that he is, she can't wait to learn more about him everyday, for the rest of their lives.

"Baby, order whatever you like, okay? Haha, don't be worrying about the prices." Vanderwood says as they open their menus. MC's eyes are skimming through the dishes (half of which she can't even pronounce because they're in different languages) when she hears the sound of a familiar voice.

"I didn't expect to see you both here this evening."

Vanderwood tenses. No freaking way...

But he's been hanging around that voice for months now and he'd recognize it anywhere --his boss, Jumin Han. Vanderwood reluctantly looks at the man standing beside their table, the leader of the RFA at his side. Jihyun at least looks apologetic for barging into their date.

"Jumin! Jihyun! What a coincidence!" MC exclaims happily, smiling at them. Truth be told, she was looking forward to spending more alone time with her boyfriend, but she also doesn't want to be rude to her friends. "Did you guys just arrive?"

"Yes. A business colleague recommended this place. I would have asked for a private room but Jihyun preferred to stay close to the windows."

Jihyun laughs good-naturedly at Jumin's words. "This place is popular for their stunning view of the city, after all. We should get going to our table, Jumin, let's not bother them..."

"Have a good time, boss, Jihyun." Vanderwood gives them a little wave. "Nonsense. We haven't seen MC in a while. Perhaps we should ask for a bigger table and dine together."

You've got to be kidding me.

"Jumin-" Jihyun tries to interrupt, but Jumin is already gesturing for the host. In mere minutes, Vanderwood and MC are seated with Jihyun and Jumin. Of course...it's not all that bad. He didn't have to be so formal with his boss since they're outside of work, and Jumin knew his way around the menu; the meal Jumin ordered for them was mouth-wateringly delicious. Vanderwood had no idea which ones were good, so he's grateful for that part, at least.

But seriously...this was starting to get annoying. Would the RFA be popping up at his planned dates with MC? Vanderwood represses a sigh though, and fights the itch for a cigarette.

They enjoy their meal and, realizing he has no choice but to endure it, Vanderwood relaxes and allows himself to enjoy the company.

All of a sudden, they're bathed in a hue of colors and MC's eyes turn to the windows, widening with surprise. The sky is lit up by fireworks --something Vanderwood had arranged for. Her eyes are bright and her smile is priceless. As the fireworks paint the night sky with streaks of brilliant color, MC feels a peace inside her, knowing that's exactly what she was thinking of moments before. Vanderwood is like the scene outside, illuminating her life with the most dazzling colors.

And while MC gazes at the beautiful display, Vanderwood stares, enchanted, at the woman who brought light to his life.

~

The last stop of the evening is the last showing of the latest romance movie, a movie MC has been waiting for. Vanderwood settles into their comfortable lazy boy couches, glad he paid for these seats.

"I'm so excited, I've heard a lot of good reviews already!" MC whispers to him, leaning close. Vanderwood chuckles.

"Baby, it's gonna be amazing." He leans closer to her, stealing a quick kiss in the dark theater. MC bites her lower lip as he pulls away, wanting to tell him how much she loves him. But the movie starts and MC has to stop herself from squealing in excitement. She keeps her hand locked with his, eyes focused on the screen.

Vanderwood feels relaxed now, knowing no one can interrupt them, knowing he can enjoy this moment with his girlfriend and sneak glances at her cute reactions.

But just thinking those thoughts has jinxed the situation. The doors to the cinema creak open and Vanderwood picks up the sound of popcorn bags and two hushed whispers. He glances at the empty seats beside him and sighs.

"Oh! If it isn't Mary and MC!"

Vanderwood curses inwardly and almost slaps his hand to his face. No. No freaking way. No damn way.

But after some shuffling sounds, Saeyoung plops down on the seat beside Vanderwood with Saeran occupying the other.

"Ohoho, I didn't know you were into romance movies, Vandy~" Saeyoung whispers before leaning forward in his seat and waving at MC. "Hi, MC! Thanks for restarting this guy's heart! If you ask me, you should have used a tase-"

"Ya! Shut up!" Vanderwood says, a little too loudly. The audience shushes him and Vanderwood slinks into his seat while Saeyoung covers his laughs with a hand.

For the duration of the movie, Vanderwood has to put up with Saeyoung's reactions and his hushed side comments. At some point, popcorn starts to fly towards the brown-haired man too, bouncing off his hair. Saeran shakes his head, heaving a sigh as Saeyoung takes another popcorn and throws it subtly to Vanderwood. The ex-agent was ready though; he catches the popcorn and throws it back to Saeyoung, who slides down his chair dramatically.

"I've been hit...Saeran ah, save yourself~~~"

Vanderwood glances at MC's face to watch her reaction and he's surprised to see her eyes fixed on him. She's biting her lower lip, trying to stop herself from laughing. Vanderwood smirks, reaching out and freeing her lower lip from her bite.

"You want a shot at the idiot?" Vanderwood murmurs near her ear. MC nods and takes a piece of popcorn then tosses it to Saeyoung, who's crawling up his chair as quiet as he can.

Saeyoung gasps and flops back down on the ground, holding his chest as though he's wounded.

"Sneak attack! Saeran, help m-"

"No."

"Okay no ;;;;"

~

Vanderwood stirs, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn.

Damn, what time is it?

Yesterday felt so long --with all that happened, Vanderwood feels exhausted and a little disappointed at himself for failing MC. Everything should have been perfect, but as luck would have it, the RFA just had to meddle in all his plans.

He lays in bed, blinking away his sleepiness, wondering if he can do anything today to salvage their anniversary. Absently, he reaches beside him, wanting to pull MC to his side and wake her up with kisses --but his hands come up blank.

"What the-?"

His head whips to the empty space beside him and Vanderwood sits up just as the door opens. MC comes in, balancing a small tray table filled with food.

"Baby, what are you doing?" Vanderwood asks, bewildered. He starts to move from the bed but MC makes a sound and continues moving towards him.

"No no, you stay right there," she says, eyes staring at the orange juice sloshing inside the glass. "Don't get off the bed, baby!"

Vanderwood freezes, unsure what's happening. Finally, MC lays the tray table on the bed and beams at Vanderwood. "Happy anniversary, baby!"

The brown-haired man blinks, surprised. Then a soft chuckle escapes his lips. "MC, baby...did you do all this for me?"

MC shrugs, her smile wide enough to light up the room. "Maybe~"

She carefully sits on the bed closest to Vanderwood, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Baby, yesterday was amazing! I wasn't expecting those surprises at all."

Vanderwood's brows furrow. "What do you mean..? MC...I...was gonna apologize-"

"What? For what?"

Vanderwood awkwardly scratches his cheek, not sure what to say. "Uh...ha, 'coz I didn't intend for the RFA to show up. And I mean, anniversaries aren't supposed to be celebrated like that...right? The movies we watched, the celebrations ain't like that."

Giggling, MC leans towards her boyfriend and kisses his cheek. "Oh Vanderwood, it was perfect. I had so much fun, even more so because our friends were with us celebrating our special day with us.

Without the RFA, you and I would have met in a different way. But I like our love story, because everything that has happened so far has led us to this moment, baby." She holds his hands, cheeks turning red. "I loved watching you play volleyball and grill our lunch, I loved listening to you talk with our friends, I loved catching my boyfriend all dressed up to take me on a fancy dinner, and I loved that you sat through another romance movie with me, all the while having a popcorn battle with Saeyoung."

MC squeezes his hands and all of Vanderwood's doubts vanish; his eyes fix on her, his heart beating loudly against his chest.

"Vanderwood...the girls in those movies we watch get one big gesture per movie but I got three amazing dates in one day. My friends were there to celebrate a special day with me: the anniversary of the day I promised forever to the love of my life. And I-"

Before MC could finish her speech, Vanderwood closes the gap between them and meets her lips for a kiss, pulling her close to him without toppling over the tray. MC's hands clutch the front of his shirt and her eyes close, her body tingling as he pours his emotions into their kiss.

"MC," Vanderwood says breathlessly, leaning his forehead against hers, "I love you. I'll keep takin' you out for dates, keep celebrating this day with you every year. 'Coz it's the day you and I got together, the day my life started to make more sense..." He gives her another peck and pulls her closer, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "But every day you remind me that there's more to life than fighting and running. Every day, I wanna see you smile and hear you tell me you love me."

MC giggles and wraps her arms around him. "I love you, Vanderwood." She lays her head on his chest, feeling the strong beat of his heart, a heart that's tied to hers. "Yesterday was amazing but today I'm keeping you all to myself."

Vanderwood chuckles, reaching for a piece of bacon and holding it near her lips. MC takes a small bite from it and Vanderwood takes a larger chunk. "You and me all day, huh?"

MC nods, reaching for her phone. "You and me, all day, everyday." She holds the phone away from them, opening the camera app. "Happy anniversary, baby~"

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Thank you so much for the opportunity to participate, @mysme-rbb :) I had fun and kudos to the mods for an amazing project! 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Check out my other Mysme writings here!

Mango Shake/Ko-fi is always very much appreciated (ᵔᴥᵔ)

I’d be honored to write your story <3 (Commissions are full and closed atm ;A;)

[starlightsaeran]

Moonchild

Author’s note: Hello hello! I’m so excited to be posting the first of two pieces created for the @mysme-rbb !! I’ve been unbelivably lucky to be paired with such an overwhelmingly talented artist, @pili-art {{please go show her all the love in the world!! }}, and I've had more fun creating these than I can even put into words!! I hope you love them <3

Summary: Saeran drifts off to sleep after another night of anxiety, but for the first time in a long while, his dreams are far from torturous...

Read on AO3: here! 

Make sure to check out my partner’s STUNNING accompanying art here!! ✨

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Saeran wanders among the scintillating tightrope hung between the planets, tangled among the clouds.

The darkness is inescapable. A thick blanket of it envelops him, entangling everything it isn’t with everything he is, securing him, but never trapping him. It pulls him under into its reassuring embrace, and quellls the flames of his neverending fears and anxieties. The darkness is a lullaby to the exhaustion of his soul.

 Saeran is alone. He had long ago grown used to being alone, and now he felt the most at ease when he was by himself, in the hours when he knew no one else was around to see his weaknesses and the insecurities that were always lit up like a neon sign behind his eyes. He enjoyed being alone, but the inevitable loneliness that managed to creep up on him without fail every time he was alone made him want to run far and far away. But every silver lining has its cloud, and Saeran, being as smart as he is, knew there would never be anywhere for him ro run to. In this moment, Saeran is alone, but he isn’t lonely. The darkness, though he is sure that’s all it is and all it has ever been, feels like a friend. It remains silent, watching, though Saeran knows it is never judging. That’s why he has always found it so easy to be comforted by the darkness, to melt it into it, until he can’t remember where the darkness ends and he begins. Intertwined - with the emptiness he came from, the emptiness he belongs to. The darkness hides him. Him, and everything he is, everything he has ever been and never will be. It sees him, though for once, that doesn’t scare him. He knows he can be himself within the darkness, though in reality, he has no choice. He is simply too tired to hide it now.

No, the darkness is not empty, not as his heart had once been, is usually for that matter, but right now he doesn’t feel it; the infinite, endless cavern of depression he can't help but fall and fall and fall into. There is no escape, for it exists within him. It is him, this nightmare he can’t awake from. His heart is a blackhole. Perhaps this, the ocean of nothingness that exists many lifetimes away from all human creation, this is the perfect place for a creature like him to reside. There is nothing for him to destroy here, nothing for him to tarnish with the breaths he can’t help but to take. He is something to be feared. But perhaps here, in a place as wholly consuming as this, in an atmosphere which plucks his every thought from him like they are naught but weeds in a flowerbed, the inevitable ache which demands to be felt cannot find him.

In this moment, in this place, he cannot feel the heavy burden of his heart. This is a welcome escape from the anguish of his daily routine. In fact, Saeran can’t feel very much of anything else either. Not the untamable wisps of his hair that usually torment the corners of his always tired eyes, not the ache in his bones from the repeating days in which his body is stuck in its chair whilst his mind runs at the speed of light, or the pounding in his head that refuses to cease. He can’t even feel the rips and tears in the skin of his fingertips, which usually serve as a  constant reminder of his own weakness and lack of self control. He feels none of it. He feels...nothing. Like the darkness within which he is encased, he is still.

Saeran tries to recall how it was he wound up here, wherever here is, and vaguely remembers the ghosts of his tears as they ran down his cheeks, and the way their rhythmic flow ebbed him to sleep. His head had been resting on a pillow dampened by the tears he’d cried an hour or a day or a year before, and the night sky visible through the glass ceiling above him had seemed to be inviting him to rest with it.

That must be where he is now. Dreaming, his mind wandering as his body rests, safe. But if his body was resting beneath the stars, then where were they now?

Open your eyes.

 Saeran hears a voice say, or does he? It’s hard to tell if the words had manifested from the darkness, or if he had simply imagined them himself from the newly relaxed state of his mind. All he knows is that those words had sounded unimaginably pretty. They were a sound unlike any he had ever heard before, even lovelier than windchimes, and sirens singing in a storm. They had felt like kisses from a butterfly gliding past his skin. Regardless of the origin of the words, he feels as though he has no choice but to obey. He isn’t sure he is even in control of his own actions now, and though he hadn’t realised they had even been closed;

he opens his eyes.

An uncountable amount of stars had suddenly filled all of eternity. They are shining in all their seraphic glory, as they dance and dance with themselves and with each other, a cacophony of love, a symphony of light. They are beautiful in a way that nothing else is, and nothing else could ever dream to be. They intertwine with one another, forming families of constellations and creating a sight like nothing Saeran had ever imagined possible. They light up the world, and for the first time, Saeran can see it as it stretches for miles and miles, a whole galaxy of possibilities. Each one twinkles and sparkles in greeting. To his surprise, Saeran can feel their excitement; they are excited to see him. Their colours fill his soul, and he aches to be one of them. 

And there, like a lighthouse within the storm of the ocean, is the moon. Like a forgotten lover, she calls to him. One look is all it takes and he is mesmerized, completely and utterly lost in the light of her glow. 

Saeran.

The voice was a breeze blowing softly through him, and it called his name with such tenderness, such care, possibly even… love? Now wouldn’t that be a strange sort of thing. Love, for a nightmare like him? Yes, he mustn’t let him himself forget, even in the paradise of a place like this, he was a nightmare within a dream, a beast amongst beauty, and the blackhole of his heart would tear this goodness to shreds. He couldn’t let that happen. No, as much as he wanted to stay, and oh, did he want to stay, he wouldn’t let himself be this selfish. He wouldn’t watch his happiness be ripped from him again. He had to leave, had to get out, had to find a way to wake up, had to-

Saeran.

He hears it again, and this time he realises the voice is definitely feminine. The way she says his name holds him captive. He hadn’t been able to feel a thing, now all of a sudden he feels her, and the warmth in her glow. He feels her surrounding him. He feels her hands, as though one was stroking his cheek and another tangles itself in his hair, grounding him, but never trapping him.

Oh, Little Prince. My cloud wanderer. My star wonderer.

He melts into her soothing touch as though there is no other choice. Her light finds its way to his every corner, lighting him up from the inside, and extracting all his fear. It reminds him that this is where he exists in the present. All that matters is this moment. He hadn’t realised in his sudden calmness that his eyes had closed themselves again, shying away from the light as he was used to doing, until he hears her say;

Look. Look at all of your stars. They shine for you and only you. With each breath you take, you grant life to a new star. They exist because you exist. This is your galaxy.

Her words were a command his soul did not possess the ability to disobey, as though she retained complete control over him, and so he opens his eyes and looks. He tries to take it all in; the words of which their truth he feels in some deep, unexplored part of his soul, and the billions of lights, each one its own individual life, all shining for and because of him. If he had been on earth right now the truth of it all would have brought him to his knees. He feels like he is falling. How...how could all of this exist for him? How could a creature like him even pretend to be worthy-

Let go, my love. You are not falling, but flying.

He wants to let go, has been trying for it seemed the entirety of his existence, but the weight of his heart was an anchor to the world with which he no longer wanted to have anything to do, especially not now. Not after seeing exactly where it was his soul could escape to.

A heart is a heavy burden indeed. And yet you handle yours so well, little one. My starlit dreamer, to love as you do is a wondrous thing. Flowers grow to meet your smile. Birds sing their joy when they feel your presence. A soul as pure as yours, and a star as sweet as you, well, it’s no surprise the weight of the love in your heart made you sink, and the Earth claimed you for itself.

He feels it now. The pull of the night. The song of the stars that matched the one his soul had been singing alone for so long. He is a star. A star with a heart too full of love. And it had caused him to fall to the Earth.

You have become earthbound, and now so many worlds exist within yours, within you, within the wonders of your eyes.

Although of course the truth is shocking, more than anything, he feels a wave of welcomed understanding wash over him. He is as calm as the night. He hasn’t learnt a new truth, it’s more like unlocking a very old memory. But it is a truth nonetheless, and one he hopes he can carry with him. A truth he hopes he will be able to recall on those recurring nights of agony, when it felt as though all the world were against him. 

You know who you are in your heart, little one. You have survived until now. You have been brave, and you will be braver still. The stars have already written your name amongst theirs, and there it will always remain. Your home is only a dream away.

Then why, he wants to scream. If his home is amongst the stars and the love and the light of the galaxy, if he is so special to them, then why is he cursed to a life of pain and heartache? Why can’t he remain here, where for the first time in his life he feels loved and like he has an understanding of the world, he has a grasp on the workings and intricacies of life, and he doesn’t feel like he’s on the cusp of letting go? 

The Earth needs you, precious one. There are lives you are going to save and smiles you’re going to bring to so, so many people. They need you. And they will love you more than you could ever imagine. Your struggles make you stronger, so that your heart may find the hearts of those that need you, and in turn you may pass on your wisdom and your love to save them. And every time they look up at the stars, on the painful nights as you have, they will see you there, shining brightly, and they will know they are safe. They will know they are loved. They will know there is a world out there waiting for them, and there are lives for them to save in turn. 

You know the truth of who you are. You will carry that truth with you for always, it is not something your soul can forget. When the days are hard and the nights are long, remember that you are loved by stars both up here, and stars that are like you, whose overflowing hearts have caused them to fall through the night and land upon the Earth. You need each other, and together, you will shine across every darkened corner of a land that feels lost. Discover it. Discover yourself, and the weight of the love within you. 

I will always be with you, dear one. The stars in your eyes are the tears in mine, and though there may be little rest for the moon, your existence will never be a burden to me. I exist to guide you through the night. 

Saeran feels himself growing sleepy; not tired, as though it is torture to his eyes to keep them open. Not exhausted, as though even sleep isn’t enough to fix him. But safe, warm, full of love and of light, as though he himself were just a little cloud floating carelessly through the sky.

Rest now, my angel. Tomorrow, your eyes will once again light up the sun. For now, may you rest, and allow me to take on your worries. Whenever your heart bubbles over with fear, may your dreams carry you home, where we will always be waiting. 

And as Saeran gives in to the waves of sleep pulling him under, he rests his head against the gentle surface of the Moon, and the smile on his face is bright enough to be seen from Earth.

[mysmegrace]

Heeeey girl.

So I was wondering if I could request an MC (she/her) that has major art-block...... I may or may not have major art block rn and I have no idea what to do about it lol. I keep flipping through old sketchbooks looking for a spark of creativity. Or I end up walking around my house and random places outdoors looking for inspiration lmaoo. (I feel like a Sim aimlessly wandering.)

I dont really have a preference as to what mysme boy you want to write for. Just whoever you feel fits this best!

You are the best!! I love your work!!

hello~ of course! that's relatable lol, although it's more so writers block in my case. it loves to kick my ass every once in a while. i felt like zen would fit this request more, just because of the creative aspect of his career and the overall encouragement he usually gives the mc. thank you so much, i really appreciate it and right back at ya <3

Zen with an MC who has Major Art Block

---

it had been the same routine for the past few weeks.

your days consisted of sitting for hours in various locations trying to find some spark of creativity to get your art done.

and it seemed like no matter what you did, things wouldn’t change.

it was on your mind 24/7, even thinking about it during outings with zen.

you two would walk around the city, visit public gardens, sightsee in the countryside.

but all to no avail.

you couldn’t help but kick yourself down constantly, wondering why you were lacking inspiration.

had it been something you did before? or perhaps you’re becoming brunt out?

the possibilities were endless, but they all didn’t feel accurate.

you loved making art your entire life.

it had been your dream for ages.

so why was this happening?

your inner frustration was coming to a visible point, as zen noticed and questioned you about it one day.

he had taken you out to the place he always went whenever he was struggling.

the place in the mountains many people neglected to visit.

such a shame really, as the area was blessed with comfort and positivity.

he figured to take you here after taking a notice of your feelings since the morning.

leading him to quickly change that day’s plan from the statues downtown to his safe space.

it wasn’t until you two arrived to the destination that he finally questioned you about it.

ever so sweetly, as to not discomfort you, said “are you okay? i can tell something’s bothering you”.

you were too caught up in your own mind and disapointment to realize that your emotions started to reflect in your expressions.

hence why his question caught you off guard.

the last thing you wanted to do right now was worry him, yet clearly it was already too late.

with your silence continuing, he added onto his previous questions.

“you know you can talk to me, i hate seeing you in distress”.

there was no use in lying and saying you were okay, you were already too far gone for that.

taking a breath, you respond saying “i can’t find any inspiration for my art”.

quickly looking up to meet his eyes, hoping to see a sign of approval, you continue “it’s.. so exhausting and frustrating to be so lost when trying to pursue my passion”.

you examined zen’s expressions as he looked down from the fence the two of you were standing at, his face radiating with sympathy.

looking up to meet you with a smile, he said “i understand. i’ve reached many points like that in my career so far, but”.

he takes a breath to straighten his shirt, continuing “it all get’s better soon.”

realizing that the words he had just spoken wouldn’t actually impact you, he rushes to rephrase his sentence.

“i mean, it’s easier than it sounds. but there’s inspiration in everything. in your old artwork, in the words we speak, in societal beliefs, in our hearts deepest desires, this list goes on”.

he got you thinking, but he hadn’t finished yet.

you weren’t paying much attention at this point if you were honest.

processing his words took up most of your brain power in the moment.

making a mental note of following his advice for later, you decided to redirect your attention back to him for a quick second instead of letting his words become background noise.

you heard “but i’ll always be there to help you, please remember that. i want you to become successful in your dreams. i know you have the inspiration in you”.

you were at a lost for words.

quite frankly, part of you wanted to break down then and there.

you had been so overwhelmingly stressed and exhausted for so long and to finally hear some good advice made you feel as if god had come to save you.

as if to thank him for his efforts, you embraced him, looking down over the city as the birds passed by in several forms.

yet during all of this, you managed to muster out a “thank you”.

and while you couldn’t see it, you could feel a smile creeping up on his face when the movements transferred from his face to your cheek.

you didn’t know how much time passed, you could only assume it had been an hour or so.

although there was little conversation being made from time to time, the majority was spent basking in each others bliss.

although your art block wasn’t solved immediately, it was enough for you to have regained your hope.

motivating you to push forward.

---

22:30 AST - 08/12/21

[deijnar]

The only one who makes me nervous

Incredible but true - I wrote something! And am posting it!

This is my piece for the great @mysme-rbb and I got to collaborate with @braincellbank, definitely check their artwork out! The CMC used in this is theirs ^-^

You can also find the fic on Ao3!

So here goes a lot of fluffy, cute Jaehee pining~

╰⊱♥⊱╮●╭⊱♥≺

With suspicion, Jaehee squints her eyes at the ingredients on the countertop of her and Lila's brand new cafe. After months of preparation and an almost breakdown when she asked them to become her partner for this adventure, Jaehee's dream finally comes true - a cute, domestic yet elegant cafe that she owns with her best friend.

But…

"There was more chocolate."

Lila's eyes widen and they furrow their eyebrows, looking at the potential crime scene as well. "Huh? What do you mean?" They check the scale. "It's the exact amount we need for the recipe."

Jaehee shakes her head, looking at the pieces in the bowl. "I could have sworn I put more in there…"

"You're probably just nervous! We're about to bake our very first cake for the cafe, isn't it exciting?" 

The way they beam at Jaehee makes her chest feel warm and her knees go a little weak, causing Jaehee to forget what she was just thinking about entirely.

"That must be it, I'm sure you're right. This is what I've dreamed of for a very long time, I feel all… fluttery inside." To hide her soft chuckle, Jaehee turns her head away a little and shields her mouth with one of her hands. Showing emotion is still… foreign to her and she is still shy about it.

Lila clicks their tongue in disapproval. "Now come over here and let me see that stunning face of yours, we have work to do! I'm all excited for this too but I'm waiting for the proper view." Demanding, they motion to the space across from them, followed by a little wink.

As all of Lila's teasing does, their comment makes Jaehee's heart hiccup in her chest, a too familiar heat already painting her cheeks in a soft blush. There’s only one way to deal with them when they get like that…

Speaking Korean, especially if the sentences are long and spoken fast, is the only way for Jaehee to feel like she is still somewhat in control when she is around Lila. Given that Korean is not their first language and they’re still learning, they tend to get really sheepish when they don’t understand something. And, for Jaehee, it’s the only weapon she has to not let Lila’s boldness knock her out. 

Normally, she speaks English around them or slow, easy Korean. But not in moments like this.

“If only you knew what you’re doing to me with such behavior…” 

Jaehee keeps her voice low and talks fast, even a fluent speaker would have had trouble to understand her.

“What was that?” The cocky grin on their face immediately shrinks to a shy expression and Jaehee can’t help but feel a little guilty, although relieved. 

Of course she hates it to make her friend feel insecure, she wants to make them feel just as strong and support them just as much as they do for her. But sometimes she has to do this, only to not combust due to the hidden feelings in her heart.

“Oh, nothing. Let’s start baking.” With a somewhat apologetic smile, she walks up to Lila and stands on the other side of the countertop, looking at the instructions in front of her. Now, she has to fire Lila’s confidence in themself again. “How about you start with the dough while I try out these decorations? Your doughs always turn out amazing.” The proud gleam in Lila’s eyes that Jaehee likes to see so much is back immediately. “They do indeed. What are you making?” Curiously, they get to their tiptoes, trying to get a peek of the picture she is holding. “Some flowers.” Calculating, she leans her head to the side, inspecting the pictures as well, lowering the piece of paper so it's easier for Lila to see. “I’ve never tried to make these before but I wanted to set myself a challenge. Hopefully, they’ll turn out fine.” “I’m sure they’ll turn out perfect. Like you.” One of Lila’s hands lands on Jaehee’s cheek, presumably for encouragement, and Jaehee can practically feel their chuckle as she straightens as if the touch burned her skin. Which it really seems to do, given how hot she feels all of a sudden. “Y-yes. I… Maybe. Yes, I’ll do my best.”

Not knowing what else she could possibly say that wouldn’t give away how fast her heart is beating, Jaehee gets to work. She presses her lips together and tries to ignore Lila’s gaze she can clearly feel on herself as she begins to knead and color the fondant. 

Luckily, Lila decides to be merciful and not make any more comments that get Jaehee out of her concentration, maybe so they can get to work as well. 

It doesn’t take the young woman long to forget everything around herself as she fully focuses on the task at hand. She gets lost in the thrill of trying new, challenging things and the rewarding feeling when an experiment with one of her utensils works out, giving the flowers as they are described in the instructions her own twist. One petal after the next is formed and, after some time, Jaehee finds a routine, the activity having a quite calming and almost meditative effect on her. 

Her thoughts wander.

And, as they do so very often, they wander to the wonderful person standing in front of her right now. 

It’s been a few months since they’ve met, got to know each other and even ended up as close as they are right now. Not much, in Jaehee’s opinion, and yet she can barely recall a time where Lila hasn’t been in her life, much less can or does she want to imagine a future without them. They have saved her from her monotone, stressful life that never would have gained her any kind of happiness and turned it upside down. They have turned it into an unpredictable, exciting adventure, the only goal being to chase their dreams and find joy. Together.

Never again does Jaehee want to be without Lila’s stirring presence that doesn’t only bring spice but also light into her life.

Of course it hadn’t been easy for Jaehee to admit to herself that she’d fallen in love. Of course she had been scared of rejection, of the possible heartbreak. Of the risks that come with loving someone so deeply, even after such a short period of time, only falling deeper for their captivating soul more and more with every passing day. 

But no matter how strong her fears had been, by that, they only became the evidence for her feelings for Lila. And finally, after multiple sleepless nights, Jaehee had not only faced the truth that she’s helplessly lost her heart to the best friend she’s ever had, she also came to the conclusion that all of this turmoil is worth it. That the nagging fear is nothing compared to the exciting tingle that runs from the center of her stomach through her entire body as soon as Lila walks into the room. That a possible heartbreak is a price she is willing to pay, as long as she gets to feel the way she does for a little while longer every time Lila smiles at her, only her.

And now, they’re working together, they’re partners. Maybe they’ll never be more than that, friends and partners, but Jaehee knows that, at least, they will always be together. Even if she should slip one day - Lila won’t just leave her for the way she feels. In that, Jaehee trusts unconditionally. In Lila, she trusts unconditionally.

Before she knows it, she’s used up the last bit of fondant, has created the last flower for the day. Proudly, Jaehee looks down at the decorations in front of her, all kinds of blossoms in many different colors, shades and sizes spreading out on the table. 

"I did it!" The excitement in her voice is very clear and maybe, normally, she would try to conceal it to keep her countenance. But right now, she's way too happy and feels way too safe and comfortable with Lila to even care.

"I knew it!" There's some flour on Lila's cheek as they grin at Jaehee. "I told you they'll look perfect. You did it!"

Far from sick of looking at her own creations, Jaehee smiles down at the sugary decoration in front of her again. Then, she turns her head up to look at Lila again, unaware of the fact that her friend had just started leaning forward to peck her cheek. 

Lila's lips land on the corner of Jaehee's mouth and she freezes. Time seems to stop and so does her heartbeat.

As to be expected, Lila isn't fazed by it at all. On the contrary, they seem to enjoy it quite a lot judging by the amused grin on their face and the fact that they stay much closer than they'd need to. They're not even saying anything and yet Jaehee feels like she will be reduced to an inarticulate, blushy mess in mere seconds. 

There’s nothing she can do but pointedly look to the side to stop her brain from short-circuiting. No matter how much she wants to look at her stunning friend, she can’t, knowing that, if she would, she couldn't rip her eyes off the lips she so badly wants to feel on hers.

And at that moment, there's just one thing Jaehee can do.

"While investing in the stock market, it's very important to maximize the possible outcome for your transaction while simultaneously minimizing the risk you take."

Although she's speaking her native tongue, Jaehee stumbles over her own words with how quickly she is saying them. Also, she's not even sure if what she just said actually makes sense.

Yet, the words have the effect she was desperately hoping for - Lila softly shakes their head, the threateningly teasing expression on their face making way for utter confusion as they subconsciously draw back a few inches.

Jaehee hates it as much as it makes her feel relieved.

"What?"

"Nothing!" Quickly, Jaehee turns to face the table again, unnecessarily starting to sort the flowers still laying there by size. If she's confronted with that gorgeous face any longer, she won't be able to hold back anymore. "We should-"

Before she can bring up her suggestion to give the cake more layers than they'd originally planned, Lila gently places their hand on hers on the table between them. 

If she is honest to herself, Jaehee knows that she wants nothing to be between them anymore, to separate them.

At first, she still refuses to look at Lila. Even without getting lost in those lovely eyes of the person that saved her from the miserable life she has been living - the speed of her heartbeat is already concerning. 

But the light caress of their soft fingers on her skin makes her slowly, carefully, look up at them again, bringing her even closer to the figure she wants to embrace and never let go. 

She really wants the piece of furniture gone.

"Do I truly make you this nervous?"

Lila's voice is low and raw, not hiding the emotions behind their words. They sound surprisingly hopeful and… a little scared?

Not trusting her voice to do what she wants, Jaehee just nods. Shouldn't Lila know about the effect they have on her? With how much they've been playing around with it, Jaehee has been convinced they know.

But Lila shakes their head.

"I mean, is it me who makes you nervous? Or is it the flirting, the teasing? Would you get flustered by anyone acting like this?"

Trying to calm down her rapidly beating heart, Jaehee shakes her head. She swallows, wanting her words to be audible and the truth in them to be apparent. 

"I get flustered because it's you, Lila. It's not just the teasing. Everything you do makes me nervous somehow. But at the same time, you're the only person that can truly calm me down."

As to prove her statement, she nervously averts her gaze. She doesn't know much about friendship and how it works, she's worried she's said too much. And Lila is so close… Concentrating is impossible.

Time seems to be standing still. 

This may be because Lila stands still, a thing they usually never do. It makes Jaehee feel a bit uneasy, she isn't sure what to think of this or what to expect, it's so atypical for her friend.

Her thoughts keep running, trying to figure out what exactly is happening right now and how to act further. Eventually, after not finding any satisfying answer, Jaehee decides to slowly turn her head back to look at Lila again. 

The intensity in Lila's eyes keeps her in place as soon as their gazes lock. Now both of them seem to be frozen in time, just staring at each other.

(by @braincellbank​)

Jaehee has no idea what this means or what step should be taken next, let alone by whom. She just knows that she doesn't want to look away.

When Lila finally moves, it happens suddenly and fast. 

Jaehee's eyes widen when they suddenly jerk forward, and they widen even more as Lila presses their lips to hers.

It takes Jaehee's brain a moment to catch up to what's happening, to understand it. To understand that this is real, that what she's secretly dreamed of and fantasized about for weeks and months truly is happening, right here and now.

But as soon as it sinks in, her eyes flutter closed and her free hand, the one Lila isn't touching, finds their cheek.

The kiss feels like heaven.

Soon, Lila relaxes into Jaehee's touch and the frantic, nervous hectic of the firm pressing of their lips shifts into a soft, loving exploration.

In no time, Jaehee is entirely captivated, forgetting that the world exists around them and even if she would remember, she wouldn't care. All she cares about is Lila. 

Lila's touch, their warmth, their scent. The fact that this kiss feels even better than she could have ever imagined it. 

Her heart beats so fast it seems like it's trying to fly out of her chest to catapult itself into the sky to rejoice.

And Lila's lips taste so sweet…

Too sweet.

With a gasp, Jaehee breaks the kiss.

"You did snack on the chocolate! I knew it!"

Throwing their head back, Lila laughs, their earlier stillness nowhere to be found anymore. Their smile is just as wide as Jaehee's and they look just as happy as her.

Jaehee couldn't care less about the chocolate.

"Guess you've caught me." Another sly smile makes it to their lips. "Guess I'll have to make up for it…"

A quiet, displeased noise slips over Jaehee's lips as Lila draws back. But soon, they've made their way around the table and Jaehee finds herself in their arms, embracing them as well on instinct. 

"I don't think I want to bake anymore today." 

They're both grinning at each other before their lips meet in another kiss.

[alwayspondering]

Roots Intertwined

Hi! I’m absolutely honored to have had such a wonderful artist to work with in @mysme-rbb​ : Loli! Their art style is spectacular and it is a perfect visual for the story below. Check out Loli’s Instagram HERE! ^^

Note: I posted this before, but accidentally pressed the wrong button and deleted the original post. If you could leave a note to build it back up to what it was, that would be lovely!

Warnings: some implied reference to neglect and abuse, spoilers for Rika’s Behind Story, religion

Finally. A moment alone with my thoughts. That was rare.

As quiet and serene the ancient walls of the cathedral were, it was rare to find a moment of peace.

Perhaps “peace” is a loose term. Peace can be defined in countless ways, flexible from person to person. One thing is universal – everyone gets peace of mind from security, from support, from compassion. Peace of mind is one thing, but surviving is entirely different. Too much security is dangerous.

I had learned that early on. No matter what happens - or whoever enters my life - that mindset will always be with me. It protects me. That is the only thing I know for sure in this world.

V tells me that he is my security, the one I can trust, the one I can love - my Sun.

V tells me he will help me rid of the darkness in my mind.

I want to believe him. I want to trust him. I want to love him as much as he loves me. I want to be worthy enough for the handsome, sentimental man that had so sincerely promised his life to me.

A part of me wants to embrace the darkness that I pushed away for so long. Is that so wrong?

The all-too-familiar feeling of dread washed over me. I suddenly saw Mina, curled up on a church pew. The screeching voice of Mother - of the Pastor - berading every thought that could have spun the flashback away.

“This is just a ritual to cleanse the devil from you-”

“Serena, you’re possessed by Satan-”

“This thing will spread its germs! Dear Lord, smite this fiend out of this place-”

“Begone!”

“Satan!”

“I need your help, good people of God!”

A small, trembling hand reached to point at the Preacher, tears streaming.

“Amen, amen...”

Though a million different phrases raced through young Mina’s mind, nothing dared escape her lips. Mina was silenced. Serena was silenced.

“Lord, protect us from this Satan!”

I was silenced.

“Do something about her! The Satan might reach out to us, too...!”

“Get her! Now!”

Silenced. Restrained. Helpless.

Slowly - painfully - the image of Mina soon began to shift. Mina’s emerald doe eyes faded into vibrant golden ones, filled with the same amount of helplessness. Her wavy blonde hair faded into a tousle of red.

“...Miss Rika?” A soft, mouse-like voice snapped me out of the nightmare.

Saeran.

I knew how to recover quickly from these episodes. I learned how to don a mask of innocence and happiness for the rest of the world, at the flip of a coin.

Saeran needed someone who was stable - someone who could be his rock. Just like V was for me. I had to be that for Saeran no matter what. I could never abandon him.

“Hello, Saeran.” My once-dazed expression melted into a smile as he ran to meet me on the bench in the prayer garden that had become my escape.

“I’ve missed you, Miss Rika! So, so so much!” Saeran nearly tackled me into an embrace that I returned warmly.

“V and I have missed you just as much!” I heard my own voice chime out, the smile on my lips genuine now as the lingering dread washed away.

“...You did?” Saeran pulled away from the hug, his head tilting to the side. His eyes were just as doe-like as Mina’s. The same innocence - and fragility - she had once had was evident in him, too.

“Of course we did. How could we not miss such a goofball like yourself?” I rustled his hair, a light-hearted giggle escaping the young boy’s lips. The small peal of laughter was soon interrupted by a sudden expression of uncertainty.

“A ‘goof-ball’... Is that a bad thing?” Saeran enunciated each syllable of this new word, unsure of himself. My own expression shifted as I could sense a new anxiety in the young boy. One that was very familiar.

“A bad thing? No, absolutely not. Being a goofball is one of the best things to be, Saeran. It’s a good thing.” My voice was reassuring, almost motherly.

“A good thing... Hm.” I could see the cogwheels turning through Saeran’s mind after he spoke, and then - “Mother says I will never be anything close to good.”

Tears began to form in Saeran’s eyes but it was obvious he was trying his best to hold it all in. It seemed like he had experience with holding in that emotion. Just like Mina.

“Saeran…” I watched as he struggled to keep an unbothered expression.

He was fighting hard.

His thoughts were so obviously spiraling.

“...Saeran… You don’t have to hide any of those emotions from me. Okay?”

Saeran’s expression remained as stone-cold as he could muster. His eyes glared back at me with bewilderment. It was as if he’d never heard reassurance like this from anyone.

I figured that was accurate, from the way little Saeyoung had spoken of their mother. There was obviously a reason he never talked about her.

Without another word between us, I enveloped Saeran into a nurturing embrace.

As if a burden had been lifted, he sunk into my arms - effortlessly, as if he had belonged there.

His heaving sobs were silenced as he buried his head in the ruffles of my dress. His breathing soon became hitched - broken - gasping for air.

I could only hold him tight, and comfort him as best as I could. That was the least I could do for this poor child.

Soon, the gasps turned into hyperventilation.

“Saeran, darling - Breathe…” I spoke tenderly, in the most comforting voice I could muster.

His breaths were still fast - too fast. “You are safe here with V and I. You are safe with me… Please, just breathe…”

Slowly, but surely - painfully - Saeran’s breaths began to calm.

“That’s it - just keep breathing… Three counts in, three counts out…” I recalled the breathing strategy V had coached me through countless times. Saeran followed my advice, and soon his breathing pace settled further.

I held Saeran close, like I always wished my mother had. I held him tight. I wanted to protect this child from this world. Even if it meant sacrificing myself.

“...Can you talk to me, Saeran? Tell me what’s swirling through those thoughts of yours.” I asked gently, taking care not to overstep and push him away.

In response, Saeran pulled away from the embrace, staying close but retracting in by wrapping his arms fully around his small torso.

The young boy’s sniffles were the only sound other than the birds chirping in the near distance.

A look of deliberation - of hesitancy - suddenly appeared on Saeran’s face. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his torn, thin shirt. A bony wrist moved to roll up both pant legs to reveal two raw, red bruises around his ankles.

A sharp gasp instinctually escaped my lips at the sight.

Though I kept it hidden, rage for the monster that shackled this poor child boiled up inside.

“It hurts…” Saeran whimpered, his voice barely a whisper. The tears trailed down his cheeks silently.

“Your mother did this to you…?”

A sharp nod in response.

“A mother should never treat their child that way.” My voice was suddenly colored with a new darkness.

“...Why does she?” The young voice chirped, pining for an answer. That was an answer I wanted to figure out for myself. I could hardly fathom how anyone could even think of hurting such a weak, broken child.

A child who needed someone to help him survive in this world.

“Some people in this world are evil, Saeran. Unfortunately, your mother is one of them.” I spoke in a calculated, composed tone. There was no need to let my true emotions out.

“‘E-vil…’ Is that something bad?” Another inquisitive chirp.

I nodded in response before taking his small hand in my own. At first, he flinched at the touch - but soon relaxed.

“...But you know what? I know how to spot the evil people in this world.”

“You can…?”

“Yep, I can. It’s my super power.”

“Wow, really?”

“Well, not really. But I’ve never been wrong about a person, ever.” A laugh escaped my lips before my expression shifted to that of true sincerity. “...I want you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to protect you from her. I will always protect you, Saeran.”

“...Why me?”

I considered this for a moment. I had to gain his trust. I had to be careful. One misspoken word, and I could lose everything.

“Believe it or not, you and I are actually quite similar, Saeran.” I wiped a tear from Saeran’s cheek and realized he was entranced at my words. My eyes searched the ground, settling upon a burst of yellow just beyond the shadows of the bench. Reaching down, I deftly picked it from its shady haven.

“...You and I are like this daffodil. Fragile, beautiful, sprouting even from the darkness.” I spun the stem in between my fingers. “...This daffodil needs someone to take care of it. Someone who will protect it. Someone who will help keep it alive.”

I took a moment to phrase my words - cautiously.

“I will be that someone for you, Saeran. Will you let me be?” I handed the delicate flower ever-so-carefully to Saeran. He twirled the stem in between his fingers, his expression colored with new melancholy.

“You… really want to protect me?” Hesitant curiosity coloured the child’s voice now.

“Of course I do,” I continued, “I’ll care for you, protect you, and help you survive in this world, Saeran.”

Saeran blinked in an almost disbelief, a tear trailing slowly down his cheek. That disbelief melted into a hopeful smile.

That was the smile of a child who was fit for the Paradise I had been dreaming of.

“...Okay.” Saeran’s gaze flickered back towards me, his golden eyes as doe-like as ever. He twirled the stem giddily in between his fingers.

Saeran was the daffodil - as delicate and fresh as the tiny flower he held so carefully. I will do everything in my power to keep him from being crushed, from being choked out by the weeds he would inevitably find himself ensnared in.

No weeds would ever dare ensnare anyone I deemed fit for my Paradise.

[marshmallowprotection]

Relax

Pairing: Han Jumin/Main Character

Bio: You just need a moment... a second to breathe as the world passes you by. Jumin sees you and he gives you a chance to slow down and find yourself again.

For the Mystic Messenger Reverse Big Bang Project. @mysme-rbb

[Read on AO3]

[Check out my Partner’s half here.]

The party felt like it was… alive. 

There was just so much to do and so much to take care of that it was hard for you to function. You knew what was expected of you as the party coordinator but at the same time, this was out of your realm of comfort. You weren’t the kind of person who tended to go out of their way to be chatty.

You were just… 

You. 

Not that, that was a bad thing. It was just that you weren’t as outgoing and bubbly as someone like Rika had been. She seemed to be the center of attention no matter what and you had always been more of a wallflower if anything. You didn’t go out of your way for people unless you had the feeling that they needed help. 

The need to help others overwhelmingly made you do things for others beyond your limitations. It meant that you ran yourself ragged without meaning to and by the time that you knew that you were overloaded, it was already too late. Your skin would crawl and you would feel sick to your stomach for quite a while. 

It was the same old song and dance every day of your life when you were thrown into something you weren’t sure you were prepared for. This party, for example, you barely had any time to be able to get the wind of what you were meant to do and somehow it came together. 

It didn’t seem like you made any mistakes. 

But, you were physically far too aware of every detail that you’d made and nobody else had touched. You had just made your rounds over the party to check on everyone, mingling with the guests and trying to keep a smile on your face the entire time. It wasn’t easy, but you were doing the best that you could. 

What you didn’t realize was that it was increasingly obvious to the one person that had been around you the most lately that noticed that something was wrong. The dread that coiled in your gut was far too strong to ignore but you were trying to hide it, trying to make sure that this party turned out the way that it was supposed to. 

Breathing in deeply, you tried to disregard that cracking noise that came underneath it. It was always there whenever your anxiety flared and sometimes, it would be a warning that would be okay, and other times it was a warning that you needed to get away from everything. All of the lights and all of the sounds were just too much. 

Your skin crawled and hissed at you to step away as the overstimulation of your senses grew stronger and stronger. It was one of those feelings where you could be perfectly fine to those around you who didn’t know any better, but on the inside, you were trembling and shaking like a leaf in the breeze. 

You felt pathetic and still overwhelmed by something as small as a party when you knew how to handle it. You knew how to control these feelings and ground yourself, but it was just so hard to think clearly with the thumping of the music and the chattering voices in the back of the room. 

That’s why it surprised you when you felt a hand grasp at your wrist. You lifted your head to meet dark eyes and a gentle look. Jumin had appeared to you seemingly out of nowhere and nudged you in the direction of outside. You weren’t in any condition to decline his offer but anything to get you away from the buzzing sound was fine by you. 

Jumin led you out onto the balcony that overlooked the city, the sounds of the party now simply a distant hum against the sounds of the evening breeze and the occasional sound of cars driving by the building. The party was in a secluded and quiet little area of town so there weren’t a lot of people clattering about outside. 

You had never been this high up before nor had you had a view of the city like this. You let the buzzing feeling in the back of your mind rest where it was as you tried to find a distraction. You took a step forward and leaning over the edge to peer down at the world below. As quiet as it was, you could see things you never saw before. 

Not just glimmering lights, not just people living their lives, but feeling like nobody else could exist at this moment apart from the two of you. It was peaceful. It was what you wanted. It was a moment to breathe and find yourself when it felt like the rest of the world was collapsing around you so quickly. 

“I imagine it’s overwhelming to be in charge of something like this for the first time,” he said, leaning against the ledge next to you. “Are you doing alright? You haven’t taken a moment to catch your breath since you arrived.” 

“That’s very… astute, Jumin,” you said. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him just yet. It felt like that foreign feeling of wanting to cry was still there. You didn’t want to worry him for anything. “I expect no less from you, though. I’m… I’ll be okay. I just needed a minute to cool down.” 

Jumin didn’t have to take a hint. 

People were always joking and saying that he wasn’t emotionally mature and he didn’t know how to read into others, but he did. You knew that he did. For someone that everyone called a robot, he had always been checking in with you and making sure that you felt welcomed. 

Sure, it had been strange how you felt, but Jumin didn’t treat you differently because of it. He was ready to talk and converse with you about just about anything. He had a range of interests that could’ve made your head spin with how easily he could shift a conversation and talk to a person about anything. 

Even things that he may have just started learning about. Jumin was always learning, and in a way, you wanted to be more like that. You wanted to see what it was like to handle the room instead of running away from it when it got tough. It was something that you had been working on all your life but it wasn’t moving as fast as you wanted it to be.

“Take as much time as you need, then,” Jumin’s voice drew you away from your thoughts once again. “You’ve done the hard work of coordinating this event. You don’t have to handle this all on your own. That’s why we’re an organization.” 

“Funny you say that,” you felt a laugh come to your lips as you thought about all that Jumin had been doing for the party. Not even for the party, for everyone that was in the RFA. He had been making sure that everyone was safe from not only the hacker but from outside threats that they couldn’t account for. 

He was doing that without being prompted. 

His compassion knew no bounds. 

Jumin Han, if anyone, was the one that needed to know how much he was appreciated. He was even trying to help you right now instead of doing his tasks for the party. He was always the one that put his loved ones first and you could relate to that. It was just hard to imagine the sheer weight of it given the length Jumin went to.

It was above and beyond what you felt capable of yourself. 

That was when you turned to look at him, “It seems like you’ve been taking care of everything yourself, too. I think if anyone needs a break, it’s you, Jumin.” 

Jumin chuckled. He gave you that rare smile that made you feel like you were on cloud nine all over again. “How about we both take a break, then? I imagine they can handle things for a few minutes if we’re away.”

“I think that’s fair,” you smiled. Sliding your hand across the balcony, you bumped your palm against his and he looked down at where your fingers interlocked. It was a simple gesture but he returned it, holding your hand tightly within his own as if it was meant to be. “Thank you for saving me back there. I usually can handle it when it gets bad, but…” 

“It’s your first party. You want things to run smoothly,” he replied as if he had pulled the answer right from your mind. “I understand. There are things that we can control and things that we can not control. Don’t worry too hard about it. Thanks to your delicate care, things are going to turn out wonderful.” 

“Give yourself some credit, we wouldn’t have the party right now if now for how much you’ve been looking out for everyone.” 

“I suppose we both have to be a bit less modest, wouldn’t you say?” 

“Jumin Han,  modest ?” 

“Preposterous, right? I imagine Zen would have an interesting response to that.” 

“Hahaha… Jumin, you always know how to make me feel safe again.” 

You watched as Jumin stared back at the city lights and the skyline. He was lost in his thoughts but you were lost in him. If nothing else, you knew that you always had a safe place with Jumin and there would be nothing that could ever take that away from you. It was just what felt right to you and all you wanted to be. 

With Jumin, you would have a peaceful place to hide away from the world, and you knew from the way he held your hand, that he felt the same way about you. Smiling, you looked back into the party hall and then back to Jumin as the faint music began to play once again. You figured it was a good time as any to have a dance. 

And, the first man you wanted to share that with happened to be right there with you. 

You looked at him and watched as his deep eyes returned to you, “If I could be so bold, could I have a dance with you, Jumin?”

Jumin held your hand so tenderly and nodded. Thus began a dance shared between the two of you that stayed so sweet underneath those stars.  “Of course, you can. I was going to ask you myself but it appears you’ve beaten me to the punch. I admire that. You keep surprising me, and I can’t wait to see what else you can do.”

And so, you swayed against him and felt that feeling of peace wash over you. During a busy night with everyone on their toes, you would enjoy this moment of serenity with Jumin as you intended. Even if the world was tumbling around you, there would always be Jumin to fall back on when you needed support. 

No matter what. 

[edgelord-saeran]

After some positive feedback, I’m gonna go ahead and post the thing I was thinking about with Saeran and Dissociative Identity Disorder and the roles that his different alters would play in the system. Spoilers ahead and TW for abuse

Also, shout-out to Multiplicity and Me, DissociaDID, and The Entropy System for a lot of information and the company they gave me while writing papers at 3 in the morning. 

While Mysme doesn’t do the best job at portraying DID, Saeran does have the set-up. DID is caused by abuse early on in life, and at some point, the psyche cannot handle it anymore and forms an alter to deal with that trauma instead, to protect them. The number of alters can fluctuate with more splits happening, or “fusion” of different alters. So with his background with his mother and time in Mint Eye, Saeran could be diagnosed.  

Saeran would be the ANP. So basically the “original personality”, and after the events of mysme, he would be the host, or the one that fronts the most often. Saeran would be the one that would take care of normal day to day things.

Ray, I think, is a memory holder. He seems to hold onto the things that his abusers have told him. That he’s weak, that he’s useless, that nobody wants him. He holds on to those traumas, and it allows the others to focus on other things. While he does hold these traumas, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have any other personality. Ray keeps the system safe by being “weak”. 

Dark Suit Saeran, who I’m going to refer to as Dark, is a persecutor-protector alter. He is very much focused on the weakness of the body and Ray. He fucking hates it, and turns abuse onto the system, belittling Ray specifically. So to protect the system, Dark wants to get rid of that weakness, and it makes sense why Ray is afraid of him.

I would honestly place Unknown as a fragment. He primarily focuses on a specific emotion/concept, in this case his revenge towards Saeyoung. As soon as the revenge against his brother is taken off the table, he has a complete breakdown and can no longer function. I may be wrong about this, as the Christmas event shows that the kidnapping (is it kidnapping if you willingly go?) of MC is something that he did without thinking about his revenge on Saeyoung.

These are just my takes, and roles can change as time goes on, so I may be completely wrong. The thought just really struck me as I was playing the AE, in two points specifically. The first one is when Rika chains Saeran to the floor and he completely disassociates. You have to talk him back to the front to get him to talk again. This makes me think that there is a negative trigger for one of the other alters, possibly a little, and at that point there was a switch about to happen.

The other point is when you’re about to leave and he starts to talk about Ray and Saeran, who I’m going to say is either Dark or the one currently fronting is a different protector alter and is talking about Host Saeran. I dunno. That’s just kind of how I read it in the moment. He suddenly seemed extremely chill with everything that’s happening.

So yeah. These are my thoughts. Def let me know if I fucked anything up. I kinda wanna write a drabble based on this system, but who knows. 

[juminhandfs]

The Mysme cast dumping you (as quotes from Frank James YouTube channel)

Zen:

"I've been thinking, I'd rather go through the soul-crushing process of awkward first dates full of mindless small talk all over again than to continue to date you, but you are still a great person."

Yoosung:

"I'm just not over my eX... box, since we've been dating I don't get to play it as much"

Jaehee:

"Relationships sometimes just need time for feelings to grow, but I think it's safe to say, after five years, they are not happening here."

Seven:

"I feel like this relationship is going places... and I'd rather stay home."

Jumin:

"We need to talk.. so i sent you an email that I'd like you to read as soon as I've had a chance to get as far away as possible"

V:

"You've really made me a better person - please don't press me for examples." 

Saeran:

"it's not you, it's my internal reaction to you"

Rika:

“It’s not that we don’t have any chemistry, it’s just that our chemistry is like bleach and ammonium, which when mixed together create toxic chloramine vapor.”

Vanderwood:

"I think we should see other people... Or at least maybe you should, because after dating you I think I would prefer to be around nobody...forever."

.

.

.

.

Bonus:

(Jumin's email):

"Let's just be friends, the kind of friends who never see or speak to each other, which is actually how most of my friendships are."

MC:

"We just don't want the same things in life, you want to make new friends and travel the world and have adventures, and I wanna stay up until 4:00 am every night watching police car chases on YouTube."

Happy Valentine's Day! 0/

[yoosungisbabie]

you know i’ll follow - day five

@mysme-events

707 x mc

rating: G

prompt: betrayal / {lost}

warnings: spoilers for seven’s route

word count: 1,184

ao3 link

[ ko-fi | paypal ]

She needed to get away from him, that apartment, everything, even just for a few minutes.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

”I told you not to bother me!”

“I don’t care about your feelings, alright?!”

His words cut deeper and deeper into her heart as they replayed in her mind. She knew he was struggling, and she knew that he was holding something back, but there was only so much she could take.

He’d gone out into the hallway to work, but when she’d left the apartment in tears, he didn’t even notice. She needed to get away from him, that apartment, everything, even just for a few minutes.

She hadn’t checked the weather before she’d left, but she’d known it would be cold and took her jacket. It was drizzling lightly, and every sheet of soft rain that hit her chilled her more and more.

She let her feet guide her, not thinking twice about the turns she took or the few people she passed. The streetlamps helped illuminate the dark pavement, but after a while of walking, she realized she was completely immersed in darkness. She glanced around, wiping a stray tear from her cheek with a frigid hand and trying to think if she recognized any buildings. It wasn’t as if she wanted to go back so soon, but being lost was another problem she didn’t need added to her already long list.

When she patted her pockets for her phone, she came up empty, and she felt her stomach drop painfully. There was nothing left for her to do but to try and find her way back. She hoped the extra time away would help calm her down, but the possibility of someone following her popped into her mind and kept her on edge as she tried to retrace her steps.

Her tears had dried and the rain had let up after a while, but she was shivering and exhausted. She could see the light of a streetlamp in the distance, but as she began to move towards it, she heard rapid footsteps approaching her.

Her heart leapt into her throat, and she moved quickly to press herself behind the nearest wall, willing her heart to stop pounding in her ears. She tried to listen, hearing whoever it was get closer and eventually slow down. She held her breath, pressing her hand against her mouth and praying for them to leave.

She waited for what seemed like hours in silence until she finally heard something that she thought she might have imagined.

“MC?” they called, making her flinch in shock. But when she realized the voice was Seven’s, she exhaled quietly, stepping around the corner.

He looked completely terrified, and his eyes were blown wide as he gaped at her. His shoulders suddenly dropped with a dramatic exhale, and before she could even blink, he’d rushed up to her and crushed her against him in a tight hug.

“What are you thinking?!” he hissed, pulling away from her just as quickly and lowering his head to be on her level. She pressed her lips together to hold back a sigh, knowing that she was going to get a lecture. The warm relief that had flooded her system ran cold, and the beginnings of a smile on her lips disappeared. She didn’t know if he expected her to answer his question, but she didn’t bother to try, seeing him already starting to say more.

“If I hadn’t put that tracker on your jacket, do you know what would have happened?” he asked, reaching up to grip her shoulders and jostle her slightly. She stared back in silence, noticing quickly how tired he looked.

“I can’t believe you’re being so stupid,” he sighed, searching her eyes when she still had no response. “Do you have any regard for your safety?” he pressed, squeezing her shoulders almost painfully. She blinked at him, letting a short sigh out of her nose at all the questions she’d heard multiple times before.

She tried not to admire the way his hair had begun to curl slightly at the tips, making her guess that he’d left when it’d still been raining. It also wasn’t hard to see the genuine worry on his face, and that almost made her smile again despite the way frustration and exhaustion bubbled inside her.

“Are you even listening?” he said through gritted teeth, moving his face closer to hers. She flinched a little, nodding.

“Yes,” she replied, seeing her answer only irritate him more. He let go of her shoulders, taking a few steps back and placing his hands on his hips.

“What are you doing out here?” She watched him, bringing her arms up to hold her middle to try and retain some of the warmth he’d given her.

“I needed some air,” she said quietly, knowing that would anger him further but being too tired to come up with a better excuse.

“Air?” he scoffed, staring at her incredulously. “Getting air can be leaving the room, like I did. Not getting lost in the middle of the night,” he said sternly, stepping close to her again and wrapping a hand around her upper arm.

“You’re unbelievable,” he sighed, beginning to pull her back in the direction he’d come. She stumbled along after him, letting her arms fall to her sides.

She couldn’t help the tears that gathered in her eyes once more, despite the fact that she knew he was being harsh on purpose. She was tired and cold, and she’d left to escape the endless stream of anger and insults, but they’d found her again.

When she sniffled loudly, his large steps faltered, and he turned back to look at her. The grip on her arm loosened while she avoided his gaze.

“Wait, no. Don’t cry,” he sighed, letting go of her arm completely and turning to face her. She quickly wiped her tears away, looking up at him to show him that she would do as he said. But once their eyes met, she could see the guilt on his face. He wanted her to hate him, but all of it was hurting him too.

She buried her face in her hands and let out a quiet sob, hearing him shuffle awkwardly in front of her. After a few moments, she felt his hands wrap around her wrists gently. She let him pull her hands away, peeking up at him.

“I’m sorry, okay?” he whispered, letting go of her wrists to run his thumbs under her eyes softly. “Just come back with me.” She sniffled, admiring the look in his eyes for another moment before nodding at his request.

“Okay,” he breathed, standing up straight again and extending a hand to her. “Here, give me your hand.” She glanced at him, seeing that he wouldn’t meet her eyes. She offered him her hand anyway, feeling the beginnings of a smile tug at her lips when the warmth from his touch began to melt away the ice in her skin.

Seven held her hand tightly as they headed back, making sure he walked at a pace that was comfortable for her and thanking God he’d found her safe and sound.

~~~~~

thank you all for reading! i hope you have a good day <3