#mylifepresents

[mylifepresents-blog1]

Going to the Dispensary

So yesterday, I went to the dispensary. I thought I had finally built up a bit of a tolerance. Thought I could finally truly call myself a real stoner- I could smoke a lot and still be functional. Apparently, my idea of "a lot" was wrong.

So I walk in, show my ID, and start perusing the selection of the cheapest weed I could get, while still being decently strong. You know, the normal routine. I felt like I was being horrendously awkward, like I was coming off like a poser. I feel pretty confident in my stoner knowledge, like I had leveled up from noob to basic stoner- not an expert, but I know enough. But I had been out of weed for a few days- and apparently my sober brain is a frazzled mess.

So I finally pick out some bud, and the budtender (or as I like to call them, dispensary dealers) starts weighing out my weed. He pulls out maybe 20 nugs or so, all fairly small compared to the normal size. All look like they would be a perfectly sized bowl to me. So I'm sitting there thinking I'm getting a lot more than I expected for what I was paying, and how this 2.5 grams was gonna last way longer than I thought. So my sober ass decides to make a little small talk.

Me: Hey, that's a lot more than I thought it was gonna be! Awesome!

Dispensary Dealer: yea, it's about 2 or 3 bowls, not bad!

Me, realizing how weak and tiny my bowls must be: Oh, well. My bowl at home is pretty small.

At this point, the rest of the transaction felt a little awkward, but my thoughts were racing. I was impressed by the Dispensary Dealer's ability, but totally crushed at my own pitiful "tolerance". All I could think was HOW could we have looked at the exact same amount of weed, and gotten such a different estimate?? How did I see TWENTY bowls, and he saw TWO? My poor little mind was completely blown. Before me stood this fucking Pot God, this unholy being with lungs of steel, a tolerance of otherworldly strength, and pockets overflowing with gold and weed. And here I stood: a little asthmatic, lightweight, broke ass peasant.

Good news is, the weed is great. Be grateful, fellow lightweights! At least we don't look at 20+ bowls and see a couple! Save your wallets, be a lightweight!